#another of my favorite edible mushrooms

[ketrinadrawsalot]

Fungi February: The lion's mane is a tooth fungus that is claimed to have medicinal benefits, such as improving brain function, relieving anxiety, and immune system support. What's certain is its great culinary value, and that it makes tasty vegetarian crab cakes.

Disclaimer: Don’t rely on pictures of cute mushrooms with eyes to accurately identify edible mushrooms. At best the wrong one will taste bad, at worst it’ll be deadly!

#fungi february #fungus #mushroom #tooth fungus #lions mane #education #art #mycology #another of my favorite edible mushrooms

[rebeccathenaturalist]

*deep breath* This, folks, is EXACTLY why I am writing The Everyday Naturalist. Because it's not enough to have an app. You HAVE to know how to use multiple identification tools and have keen observational skills if you are going to safely forage or otherwise identify things in nature.

Here's the deal. Apps are a tool. They are not infallible, and they should never, ever, EVER be your only tool for identifying mushrooms and other organisms. This goes even moreso for when you're trying to determine whether something is edible or not. I go into more detail about why apps should never be used by themselves in this article that I wrote a few months back, but let's explore a bit more about how an app works.

Any identification app has access to a particular database of pictures and other information for various species. In the case of my favorite app, iNaturalist, it draws from the over 156 million (and growing) observations of animals, plants, fungi, and other living beings that have been uploaded to it over the years.

When you upload a photo to an app, your phone usually inputs the date, time, and GPS location automatically, though these can be updated manually if need be. Then the app's algorithms sift through the database looking for species that are found in the same location at the same time of year, and which have similar photos.

Notice that I said SIMILAR, not identical. Many organisms, to include many fungi, have varying appearances based on subspecies, life stage, and other factors. And there are a lot of species that have close lookalikes, whether we're talking birds, wildflowers, mushrooms, etc.

So the algorithms then use their search results to give you their suggestion(s) of what most closely resembles the organism you are trying to identify. Some give you one answer; others, like iNaturalist, offer you a list to choose from, and may also qualify their response with "We're not sure, but these were found nearby" or something similar. The first one on the list is NOT always going to be the correct answer. However, the app doesn't have reasoning skills, and all it can do is play match-up and then produce suggestions based on that. (Yes, other iNaturalist users can come along and comment on your observations once you've uploaded and saved them, but you always want to carefully assess their claims, too.)

There are several toxic mushrooms that are implicated in poisonings on a regular basis; among them are what I call the "deadly Amanitas": the death cap (Amanita phalloides) and the destroying angels (A. bisporigera, A. ocreata, and A. verna.) In addition to these species' respective native ranges in Europe and North America, some have managed to make their way to other parts of the world. This includes in Australia, where there is a current investigation underway over a woman who fed several family members deadly Amanitas, three of whom have died.

These poisonous mushrooms have several edible lookalikes. As one example, while matsutakes (Tricholoma matsutake) are often brown, they may sometimes appear white, especially if the brown layer has peeled off. And field mushrooms (Agaricus spp, especially A. bisporus and A. campestris) are also large white mushrooms, though their gills and spores tend to be brown rather than the white of Amanita species.

Still, someone taking a picture of a large white mushroom--especially if they neglect to take another picture of the gills (the more pictures you take, the better)--could easily end up with an app telling them an Amanita is an Agaricus. Or they might read that some people think it's safe to eat Amanita muscaria if you parboil it long enough, and assume that other Amanita species are the same way (one of MANY reasons I do not advocate for treating A. muscaria as an edible.)

So--again--DO NOT USE APPS AS YOUR ONLY ID TOOL. Use them in conjunction with multiple field guides, websites, other foragers, etc. Practice using these tools and developing a critical eye before you go out foraging. Be super cautious, and when in doubt, throw it out.

And my inbox is ALWAYS open, as is my email (rebeccathenaturalist(at)gmail(dot)com.) You can ALWAYS email me with questions about field guides, apps, and other resources, and I am also happy to look at pictures of mushrooms (and other living beings) you're trying to identify, whether edible or not. You might need to give me a few days to reply, but I will get back to you. Don't use ME as your only source, either; I'm just one person. But I can point you to online groups that are also good resources.

#mushrooms #mushroom poisoning #deadly mushrooms #fungus #fungi #mycology #mushroom hunting #mushroom foraging #foraging #wild foods #edible mushrooms #nature #nature identification #naturalist #The Everyday Naturalist

[exhausted-archivist]

Updated: 2023/12

I originally posted this on my old blog. Since posting that, I've found other foods, drinks and ingredients. As of now this list is updated with everything found in media released as of Oct 2023.

Like the original, this is still a very long post that contains all canonical desserts, dishes, drinks, ingredients, and sauces. Unlike the original, I could not list canonically suggested food and ingredients, nor every codex, item, letter, ect in the sources. Because it was too long. I did add them to the individual post.

Like in the individual posts, the list has the country of origins next to each item and any relevant information. Such as ingredients, use, notes, or trivia. For the canonically suggested foods and drinks I list what their real world uses are for your reference as to what they might be used for in Thedas.

For Shorter Food Posts

Dishes, Sauces, and Sides

Drinks

Raw Ingredients

Prepared Ingredients

Canonically Possible Foods and Drinks

Disclaimer

Though real life plants may be listed here as edible it is for fictional use only. This is not intended to be used as a reference nor guide for what plants are edible or safe to eat. Please do not use it as such.

Dishes

Breads

Bark Bread

Biscuit

Whole Grain Biscuit - Commonly made in Chantry cloisters. A staple in their simple diets.

Black Bread

Braided Honey and Date Bread (Anderfels)

Brown Bread

Buns

Butter Puff - Bread made by folding butter into the dough allowing it to become puffy and softer than usual bread. (Orlais)

Crumpet

Dark Bread

Dried Bread

Flat Bread - A no-rise bread. Served with dip, brushed in oil, and/or as a side. (Nevarra)

Honey Loaf

Lichen Bread - Bread that is made using lichen. (Orzammar)

Black Lichen Bread

Peasant Bread - Comprised of wheat, grease, and salt in equal measure, made by Dalish and city elves in Orlais. They top it with butter, jam, and sometimes sugar. (Elves - Orlais)

Pumpkin bread - A favorite of Dorian Pavus (Tevinter)

Raider Queen’s Bread of Many Tongues - Created by the Raider Queen, this bread calls for flour, baking powder, salt, butter, brown sugar, molasses, eggs, bananas. The creator calls for Par Vollen bananas but another version of the recipe says Rivaini bananas are an acceptable replacement. (Rivain)

Rolls

Bread Roll

Sweet Rolls

Ryott Bread - Made of a protein rich grain called ryott. (Ferelden, Chasind)

Sweet Bread

Thin Bread - A thin bread used to make wraps in Seheron.

Whole Grain Bread - Another staple made in Chantry cloisters.

Wraps - Described as "soft" bread.

Appetizers, Starters, and Refreshments

Blood Orange Salad - a salad of bitter greens with blood orange slices served on top. (Nevarra)

Canapé - a type of hors d'œuvre.

Couscous Salad - A salad comprised of couscous with many varieties, one such variety includes red bell peppers and mint. (Rivain)

Crab Cakes - a classic dish in Kirkwall. (Kirkwall)

Dried Bread and Fruit

Eggs à la Val Foret - An egg dish served with a cream sauce. (Orlais)

Fluffy Mackerel Pudding - Celery, pepper, mackerel, diced onion, mustard, salt, Antivan pepper, ground mace, cardamom seed, eggs. Also known as Feast Day Fish (Ferelden)

Fried Crab Legs - A subsitute for the Orzammar dish of fried young giant spiders.

Fried young giant spiders - A common food in Orzammar, usually served with an alcohol-based sauce that varies with every establishment. (Orzammar)

Roasted Cave Beetles - Roasted whole and eaten out of the shell. (Orzammar)

Roasted Prawns - A substitute to cave beetles, said to have the same taste and texture.

Shredded Dried Meat and Cheese - A dish that is commonly used as a spread by the dwarves and used for lunches. (Orzammar)

Snails Dressed in Butter and Oil (Avvar)

Snails and Watercress Salad - A non-traditional dish inspired by Avvar cuisine featuring snails and watercress to appeal to lowlander pallets.

Stuffed Deep Mushrooms - A dish derived from various Orzammar deep mushroom delicacy. This Fereldan creation is stuffed with cheese and spinach. (Ferelden)

Rations, Tavern Fare, and Travel Food

Beer Nuts (Kirkwall)

Bread and Cheese

Chicken Wings - Sold in The Rusted Horn as ‘Wyvern Wings.’ (Ferelden)

Crow Feed (Antiva)

Dried Foods

Dried Fruit

Dried Meats

Fereldan Hearty Scones - a scone filled with bacon and cheese, careful, a mabari might snag it. (Ferelden)

Fish Pockets - A meal of fish, crisp vegetables, spices, and a soft wrap.(Seheron)

Fish Wrap - Fish wrapped in thin bread (Seheron)

Grey Warden Pastry Pockets - A hand pie filled with meat and other foods. Olesian Grey Wardens put their own twist using Olesian puff pastry.

The Hanged Man's Stew - The tavern’s featured dish, made with a different mystery meat every morning. (Kirkwall)

Jerky

Jerky Ball

Spiced Jerky

Meat Skewers - A portable snack. A known Orlesian version of this snack is primarily eaten by nobles while out on hunts and are not interested in the hunt, made of meat, cheese, and wine-soaked fruit.

Pickled Eggs - Eggs, sugar, salt, vinegar, and various spices and seasoning of the cooks preference. Favored in Ferelden and seen as a cure all. Served in nearly every Fereldan tavern. (Ferelden)

Pig Oat Mash - A constant dish on The Hanged Man menu, a popular hangover cure if washed down with brandy spiked cider. This warming porridge contains apples, dried salt pork or smoked bacon, dried rolled oats, berries, ale or water (Kirkwall)

Poison Stings - "Poison stings" is the colloquial name. Orange peels coated in chocolate, a crunchy yet chew texture that is both sweet and sour. A favored snack of Dorian Pavus when traveling from Tevinter to Ferelden. (Tevinter)

Provisions and Rations - Typically consist of dried meat, nuts, and a variety of other simple foodstuffs.

Dry Ration

Hardtack

Qunari Ration

Stuffed Vine Leaves - Common tavern food in Tevinter, stuffed with rice, herbs, and sometimes minced meat. Can be topped with lemon juice or tzatziki sauce.

Treviso Energy Balls - Made of peanut butter, oats, and dried fruit, it is a famine food invented during the occupation of Treviso in the Qunari Wars/The New Exalted Marches.

Unidentified Meat - Despite it's ominous name, it's simply chicken legs. Sometimes served with Nevarran flat bread. (Tevinter)

Dips, Glazes, Gravy, and Sauces

Apples Stewed in Brandy Sauce

Applesauce

Cherry Sauce

Cheese Sauce

Cream Sauce

Deep Mushroom Flavored Cream Sauce - Commonly served with seared nug. (Orzammar)

Dragon’s Blood Sauce (Nevarran)

Gravy

Honey-glaze - A sauce used to glaze various foods, particularly meats.

Hot Sauce

Llomerryn Red Sauce - A sauce that goes on almost everything, contains pulped tomatoes, onions, red pepper, brown sugar, apple cider vinegar, mustard powder, hot pepper powder, salt, cinnamon stick, allspice, cloves, fennel seeds, dill seeds, mustard seeds, black peppercorns, bay, garlic. (Rivain)

Mushrooms cooked in ale - One recommendation for this sauce is to be served over roasted nug.

Mushroom Sauce

Nesting Roast Gravy - Gravy made from the pan juices of a nesting roast. Meant to be served with the roast. (Orlais)

Plum Sauce

Red Wine Marinade

River-herring Gravy - a gravy as white as apple blossoms. (Orlais)

Special Sauce - A sauce infused with the essence of fifty-two herbs, prized for the ability to help with “inadequacy”. (Kirkwall)

Spider Leg Sauce - a variety of alcohol-based sauces unique to each Orzammar establishment, meant to be paired with fried young giant spider legs.

Tzatziki Sauce - Served with stuffed vine leaves. (Tevinter)

Wild Flower Glaze - A honeyed glaze made of wild flowers, it is recommended to use flowers plucked at dawn and the lowest blossoms. (Anderfels)

Yogurt Dip - Often served with flat bread (Nevarra)

Soups and Stews

Barley Soup

Blood Soup - Merrill is credited with the creation of this creamy beetroot soup, it is topped with roasted chickpeas. (Dalish)

Butter Soup - A simple, inexpensive, and easy soup. Made as midmorning meals or midday refresher for field workers. It is commonly fed to children and convalescents due to its nutritious nature. Ingredients include water, potatoes, cinnamon, star anise, clove, bay, peppercorns, salt, noodles, cream, butter (Orlais)

Cabbage Stew (Ferelden)

Deepstalker Stew - A stew of deepstalker is made when rations run low. (Legion of the Dead)

Denerim-rabbit Stew - Made with rat (City Elf)

Enchantment Soup - Made by Sandal, edibility unknown.

Fereldan Potato and Leek Soup

Fereldan Turnip and Barley Stew - White beans, oil, onion, carrots, celery, garlic, stock, turnips, turnip greens, sausage, barley, cumin, dried basil, oregano, salt, pepper, herbed wine vinegar

First Day Festival Stew (Orzammar)

Fish Chowder (Antiva)

Fish Stew

Lamb and Pea Stew - Alistair has his own version of this soup. (Ferelden)

Lentil Soup - A universal soup, with lentils being common in every Thedosian pantry.

Nettle Soup

Norbotten Fruit Stew - This dish is used to rehydrate dried fruits: dried apricots, pitted prunes, raisins, mixed dried fruits (cherries, apples, cranberries, etc), lemon or orange, cinnamon, cloves, water, sugar or honey, brandy. (Anderfels)

Pea Soup

Ram Stew (Ferelden)

Sweet and Sour Cabbage Soup (Ferelden)

Turnip Stew (Ferelden)

Turnip-Goat Stew (Ferelden)

Wild Rabbit Stew

Main Course

Alamarri Pickled Krone - Krone, Brine, (optional) pine pitch and druffalo dung.

Baked Fish - An Avvar cooking method where they wrap fish in pungent leaves and clay before cooking it in banked coals. (Avvar)

Baked Krone with Honey - The honey is typically used as a side sauce for dipping. (Fereldan)

Beans and Bread

Boiled Roots

Braised Nug with Elfroot (Dwarven)

Braised Ram with all the Trimmings (Ferelden)

Broiled Boar Head (Fereldan)

Cacio e pepe - A dish of three ingredients; spaghetti, pepper, and pecorino romano. (Antiva)

Dalish Deep Forest Comfort - String squashes, halla butter, garlic, mushrooms, elfroot or spinach, diced tomatoes or beetles, hot red pepper, rock salt, halla cheese or goat cheese, edible wildflowers (borage, chicory, etc), pine nuts. (Dalish, Southern Orlais)

First Day Chicken - a dish served during First Day in some parts of Orlais. (Orlais)

Fish in Salt Crust - Cooked much liked the baked fish, instead of using clay, the fish is covered in salt and wrapped in pungent leaves before being cooked in banked coals. (Avvar)

Fresh Oyster - Noted to go well with Llomerryn red sauce.

Fried Fish

Fried Mush (Orzammar)

Glazed Krone (Ferelden)

Gilded Swan with River-herring Gravy - An eastern spice, flour, gold leaf, river herring, swan, yolk. (Orlais)

Gnocchi (Antiva)

Goat Custard - A broiled goat head, not to be confused with the dessert. (Ferelden)

Grilled Poussin - Grilled chicken, typically a younger chicken. (Chasind)

Ham

Anderfels Smoked Ham - It tastes of despair

Avvar Ham

Ham Stuck with Cloves

The Jade Ham - Honeyed with wild flowers (especially those picked at dawn), masterfully seasoned, and spiral-cut. Not considered edible but better used as a weapon. (Anderfels)

Orlesian Ham

Smoked Ham

Herbed Chicken and Biscuits (Ferelden)

Jellied Meats

Jellied Pigs Feet - A delicacy in the Free Marches and originally a popular commoner food that has risen to the tables of nobility. Pigs feet and/or pork hocks, salt, onions, garlic, allspice, peppercorns, bay. (Free Marches)

Veal Galentine (Orlais)

Liver

Lutefisk

Nesting Roast - This dish is classically made with a quail stuffed in a pheasant stuffed in a swan. Served with gravy made from the pan juices. (Orlais)

Mad Burnard’s Gift of Flesh - A nesting roast unlike any other, involving a whole wyvern, stuffed with a whole gurn, stuffed with a horse, stuffed with a large halla (horns and all), stuffed with a swan, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a quail, stuffed with a bunting that choked on a gold piece. (Orlais)

Nug Steak (Orzammar)

Nug-gets (Orzammar)

Nug-loaf (Orzammar)

Nug-Nug - A dish meant to resemble a nug peeking from its burrow; made of ground meat (beef preferred), parsley, egg, salt, crushed cumin or mustard seeds, black pepper, cooked rice, tomatoes, onions, chives (Orlais)

Paella - Made with rice, saffron, and a variety of seafood; such as shrimp, cuttlefish, and mussels. (Antiva)

Pancake - The breakfast food and savory dishes.

Crepes - A very thin pancake that can be filled with sweet or savory ingredients. (Orlais)

Hearth Cakes - Described as a common fare where they are baked on an iron griddle. They are made with halla butter (can be subbed for goat or cow butter), flour, hardwood ash (can be replaced with baking powder), cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, sugar, mixed dried fruit (like cranberries, raisins, and currants), an egg, and milk. Described as baeing crispy and flaky on the outside, but remains moist on the inside. They are grilled on one side and then are flipped over, ensuring they are all crisp and bown. (Dalish)

Nug Pancakes - A savory pancake made with nug. A favorite among dwarven children. (Orzammar)

Porridge

Bland Porridge

Deer Porridge - A savory porridge served with deer.

Porridge with Raisins

Savory Porridge - Served with meat, vegatables, or spices.

Pudding - A sweet or savory, steamed dish that can be topped with gravy or chocolate.

Rack of Ribs (Ferelden)

Ram Chops (Ferelden)

Ram Cutlet (Ferelden)

Rice and Boiled Vegetables (Tevinter)

Roast

Gurgut Roast with Lowlander Spices and Mushroom Sauce (Avvar)

Roast Boar - One cooking method involves the boar being stuffed with apples (Ferelden and Orlais). Another has it served with a side of candied yams.

Roast Chicken

Roast Duck

Roast Hog

Roast Lamb

Roast Turkey - Common in the Free Marches, especially among Starkhaven nobility, as well as the Chasind.

Roast Wyvern - Common with the Avvar and Orlais.

Roasted Cave Beetle (Dwarven)

Roasted Giant Spider (Dwarven)

Roasted Nug (Orzammar)

Roasted Phoenix - One of the most infamous meals in Thedas, it is served with sweet red wine.

Roasted Rabbit

Roasted Venison with Wild Greens - The venison is seasoned with mint and pepper, served with wild greens and sweet pastries. Paired with wine to drink. (Ferelden)

Slow-roasted Nug-let (Orzammar)

Spit-roasted Deepstalker (Dwarven)

Spit-roasted Nug with Hot Sauce (Orzammar)

Sandwich

Ham Sandwich

Sausage - There are about twelve different kinds of sausage unnamed mentioned in Last Court.

Black Pudding - A type of blood sausage made from pork or beef blood, pork fat or beef sue, and a type of cereal. (Orlais)

Smoked Sausage

Spiced Sausage

Savory Pies

Dove Pie - A pie made with live doves, for the theater of the meal. (Orlais)

Nug Bacon and Egg Pie (Ferelden)

Pigeon Pie

Pork Pie

Starkhaven Fish and Egg Pie - Fish from the Minanter River (carp, trout, or others), wine, onion, carrot, thyme, bay, sea salt, dried currants, sliced almonds, boiled sliced eggs, butter, flour, fish broth, milk, salt, pepper, nutmeg, cream, fried whitebait or other small fish. (Starkhaven)

Turnip and Mutton Pie (Ferelden)

Unmentionable Pie - It is a meat pie that uses the typically undesirable parts of an animal. (Ferelden)

Venison Pasty - A hand pie filled with venison. In Serault, it is served with curls of goat cheese. (Orlais)

Seared Nug - Usually served with a deep mushroom cream sauce. (Orzammar)

Simmering Partridge - Cooked with sweet onions and pale beans (Orlais)

Smoked Meat

Smoked Boar

Smoked Fish

Smoked Rabbit

Smoked Venison

Spiced Nug

Stuffed Cabbage - A seasoned cabbage head stuffed with meat.

Venison with Apples Stewed in Brandy Sauce

Wandering Hills - A delicacy made from large creatures of the same name. (Anderfels)

Wyvern Steak

Sides

Antivan Olives - Soaked in vinegar and stuffed with capers.

Boiled Turnip (Ferelden)

Brandy Soaked Cherries (Orzammar)

Candied Yams

Croutons

Fried Potatoes - Recommended to be served with Llomerryn red sauce.

Hard-boiled Egg

Honey Carrots - Most common in Orlais where it is traditionally sweeter compared to other places due to the use of honey.

Jarred Olives (Tevinter)

Jellied Eels (Ferelden)

Mashed Turnip (Ferelden)

Peeled Grapes (Tevinter)

Picked Foods

Pickled Apples

The Pickled Apples of Arlathan - Apples said to be from the time of Arlathan. The taste is described to be one of fresh apples, with the same crispness.

Pickled Fish

Pickled Lamprey

Pickled Nug

Pickled Ox Tongue

Pickled Vegetables

Pickles

Roasted Chestnuts (Nevarra)

Roasted Figs (Rivain)

Roasted Potatoes - Recommended to be served with Llomerryn red sauce.

Roasted Turnip (Ferelden)

Sera’s Yummy Corn

Smoked Bacon

Steamed Beans

Steamed Turnips (Ferelden)

Stir-fried Turnips (Ferelden)

Toast

Toasted Bread - Used for dipping in stews.

Toasted Chickpeas - Used as a topping for soups and salads, sometimes as a replacement for croutons.

Wine Soaked Fruit

Baked Goods, Desserts, and Sweets

Bread Pudding - Made with stale bread, eggs, milk or cream, and other ingredients varied by if it is savory or sweet (Ferelden)

Cake

Cake with Apples

Cake with Nutmeg

Chocolate Cake

Cupcakes

Cherry Cupcakes - Historically a common method used to poison people, often served in the theater. (Tevinter)

The Exquisite Misery - A little cake topped with a dusting of anise, deep mushrooms, and gold dust. (Orlais)

Found Cake - A chocolate cream cake topped with white frosting and strawberries (Ferelden)

Hearth Cake - A pan-made cake; made of flour, hardwood ash or baking powder, halla butter, sugar, mixed dried fruit (currants, cranberries, etc), egg, milk. (Dalish)

Honey Cake (Orlais)

Lamprey Cake - contains no actual lampreys, it is modeled after the appearance of lamprey.

Lemon Cake

Petit Fours (Orlais)

Pound Cake

Round Cake - Often topped with poppyseed and honey. In Serault, they will sometimes have the antlers baked into the crust. (Orlais)

Sponge Cake (Orlais)

Sugar Cake - One version is made with strawberries and sugar-cream icing dressed on a pound cake. (Ferelden) Another version is made with a "humble cake" and is dressed with butter, sugar, and almonds. Both are seen as great gifts and good pick-me-ups after long days of traveling, and are often served by merchants.

Sugar-drizzled Lemon Cake - A type of lemon cake that was used in Antivan Crow history to assassinate templars.

Sugarcake - A dense cake usually topped with powdered sugar.

Sweet Cake

Wedding Cake

Candy

Black Licorice Candy - Can be salted. (Tevinter)

Bon-bons

Candied Almonds

Candied Fruit

Candy Apple (Ferelden)

Candied Dates (Tevinter)

Candy Cane

Carastian Candy - A candied chocolate. (Tevinter)

Peppermints

Spun Sugar (Ferelden)

Sweetmeat - A confectionery treat, sometimes candy coated fruit.

Toffee

Unnamed Candied Nuts with Spice - A candy that is sweet until swallowed, then they leave a spicy aftertaste. (Orlais)

Cobbler

Dalish Forest Fruit Cobbler

Strawberry and Rhubarb Cobbler (Ferelden)

Cookies

Biscuit - A hard, flat, and unleavened baked treat that can be sweet or savory.

Butter and Sugar Cookie - This cookie isn’t specified as it is only described by these ingredients.

Raisin Cookies

Shortbread

Tea Biscuits

Wafers

Custard

Goat Custard - Differing from the Fereldan savory counterpart. This custard is made throughout Thedas with goat milk and has numerous varieties. On pairs it with roast fig. A Rivain variation uses milk of the Ayesleigh gulabi goats specifically for its sweeter milk.

Donuts

Ice Cream

Orlesian Guimauves - Another name for marshmallows.

Pastries

Antivan Apple Grenade

Cinnamon Rolls - one of Varric's favorite pastries.

Croissant - Vivienne starts every morning with one. (Orlais)

Honey and Nut Pastry (Tevinter)

Macaroon

Marie du Lac Erre’s Sweet Ruin - One version of this pastry with a dramatic history, the recipe contains; butter, powdered sugar, chocolate, vanilla extract, flour, orange or mint extract, baking powder, and milk. (Orlais)

Tarts

Unnamed Blueberry Pastry - A light, sticky pastry with blueberries. (Possibly Nevarra)

Varric's Favorite Pastry - A pastry spread created by Devon, a Fereldan cook, after consulting with Varric Tethras on his favorite pastry.

Pie

Apple Pie

The Blessed Apple - A pie made by a small cloister of Chantry sisters tending to the orchard, they use the windfall apples and share the pies freely; as well as the apples. The ingredients are flour, salt, butter, water, apples (golden apples from Lady’s Orchard preferred but others are acceptable substitutions), brown sugar, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves. (Orlesian)

Minced Pie - filled with finely chopped fruit and sweet things.

Pudding

Blancmange - A white pudding made of milk or heavy cream, its name is Orlesian for "white eating". Because of the mild, sweet taste it can have a variety of toppings such as toasted almonds, ribbons of fresh mangos, red grape compote, cherry saus, or Vivienne's preferred plating of white chocolate curls with whole jasmine flowers. (Orlais)

Caramel Pudding

Dessert Pudding

Rice Pudding

Scones

Sour Cherries in Cream (Orlais)

Sticky Figs Rolled in Nuts (Tevinter)

Sticky Jellies (Orlais)

Drinks

Absinthe

Absence - One of the bottles of Thedas you find in Inquisition.

Absinthe - also referred to la fée verte - “little green fairy”

Petite Absinthe - Made from a certain type of wormwood.

Ale, Beer, Drafts, Lagers, Malts, and Stouts

The Tapster’s Tavern in Orzammar serves 52 types of ale, some are listed.

Ale

Ander Stout - This stout is stored in oak casts. (Anderfels)

Barley Wine - Despite its name, this is an ale.

Beer

Brakien Brew (Orzammar)

Brown Ale

Coconut Draft (Orzammar)

Fereldan Beer

Fereldan Lager - A pale ale.

Lichen Ale (Orzammar)

Lichen-malt (Orzammar)

Oghren’s Homebrew - An amber coloured ale with a slightly sweet, nutty flavor and described to have a hint of toastiness, and is spiced with cloves. (Dwarven)

Qunari Ale

Ryott Ale (Ferelden)

Ryott Beer (Ferelden)

Valenta’s Red (Orzammar)

Watered Beer - While watered beer is served to reduce the price of beer and stretch it along, it is also served as a provision. In Serault, the peasantry drink watered beer to stave off the summer heat.

Watered-down Ale

Wildwine - An ale made from ryott. (Chasind)

Wilhelm’s Special Brew - This dark-colored ale gives off a thick, oaky smell. When swirled in its tankard, it takes on an unexpected glow. (Ferelden)

Brandy

Ammazzacaffe - A drink taken after coffee to dull the taste or effects. Though it can be a small glass of any liqueur, it is usually brandy. (Antiva)

Aged Antivan Brandy

Antivan Brandy

Antivan Plum Brandy

Apple Brandy (Orlais)

Orlesian Brandy

Plum Brandy

West Hill Brandy (Ferelden)

Cider

Brandy-spiked-cider

Cider

Serault Cider (Orlais)

Winter Cider (Wycome)

Cocktails

Benediction - Made of Prophet's Larel gin, served with a wedge of lime, and a thimble of Golden Scythe.

Elfroot mixed with Dandelion Wine - A restorative draft. (City Elves of Orlais)

The Emerald Valley - A spirit distilled of over seventy different herbs and flowers by the Chantry sister in Lydes, it is topped with egg-white foam and dusted with nutmeg. Described as having a varied and complex flavour, fresh like a lush green valley. (Orlais)

Dragon’s Piss - The name is probably figurative, but no one knows for sure. BioWare gives the “recipe” for Dragon Piss as “1 oz light rum, 1 oz dark rum, filled with iced tea”. "Dragon's Breath" is offered as an alternative name for this drink as it is served while lit on fire in the glass and burns on the way down.

The Golden Nug - Made with a base of effervescent white Seleney wine, sweetened with a dash of West Hill brandy and a splash of pomegranate juice. Muddled with raspberries and garnished with a sprig of Royal Elfroot. The goal is to imitate the soft pink colour of a nug.

The Heart of Spring - A “restorative” drink from Verchiel made with violets. (Orlais)

The Hissing Drake - Mix of cinnamon-infused whiskey, darl Llomerryn rum, and Hirol's Lava Burst.

Ice Cream and Beer

A Night of Shame - Antivan port with a dash of chocolate bitters and a twist of orange, served in a flute of chilled Serault glass. (Orlais)

Orichalcum mixed with wine - Considered to have aphrodisiac properties.

Posset - A drink made of hot milk curdled with ale, wine, or other liquor and typically flavored with spices. Can be drunk as a delicacy or as a cold remedy.

The Randy Dowager - Rumored to be created by the editor of the periodical, it is a tall glass of Abyssal Peach liquor and fresh cream, garnished with sugared rose petals and served on a silk handkerchief with a scandalous rhyming couplet inked by the bartender. (Orlais)

To Cure a Cold - a folk remedy that requires boiling whiskey and adding lemon juice and crushed garlic.

Gin

Gin

Prophet’s Laurel Gin (Orlais)

Grey Warden Liquor

These are bottles unique to members of the order, as each warden will combine half-full bottles in order to save space. No bottle is ever fully emptied or cleaned. In order to preserve the base flavor. They are called Grey Whiskey, Ritewine, or Conscription Ale, each vintage is named after a warden with a small note.

Vintage: Warden Anras - Bottled whimsy.

Vintage: Warden Bethany Hawke - Princess piss.

Vintage: Warden Carver Hawke - Toast them all.

Vintage: Warden Daedalam - Extra red.

Vintage: Warden Eval’lal - Griffon Wing Ale

Vintage: Warden Gibbins - Don’t frigging touch! I spit in this! I mean it!

Vintage: Warden Jairn - Smash when dead.

Vintage: Warden Korenic - Notes of fruit and anger.

Vintage: Warden Riordan - Serve yourself.

Vintage: Warden Steed - Joining juice.

Vintage: Warden Tontiv - Home.

Mead

The Tapster’s Tavern in Orzammar serves 17 types of mead, some are listed. Honeywine is another name for mead.

Avvar Mead

Chasind Sack Mead

Lady Odette Guillory’s Family Honey Wine (Orlais)

Mead

Orlesian Honeywine

Port A sweet, fortified red wine, typically served with dessert.

Antivan Port

Tevinter Port

Rum Boot Screech is another name for rum.

Alvarado’s Bathtub Boot Screech

Blackwater Rum (Wycome)

Dark Llomerryn Rum

Tea and Other Drinks

Coffee (Antiva)

Cocoa/Hot Chocolate

Juice

Fermented Fruit Juice

Pickle Juice

Pomegranate Juice

Prune Juice

Punch

Spicy Punch

Tea

Almond Tea (Orlais)

Bitter Tea - An unspecified tea so bitter it is astringent. Served during the Fourth Blight.

Black Tea

Black Tea with Juniper

Fires of Change Tea (Orlais)

Herbal Tea

Iced Tea

Lattenfluss Tea (Anderfels)

Mint Tea

Anderfels Mint Tea

Nameless Tevinter Tea

Rivaini Spice Tea Blend - Blend of cinnamon, ginger, and cloves. One of the teas from Rivain known for its healing properties. Empress Celene commonly uses this tea to stave off headaches.

Rivaini Tea

Rivaini Tea Blend - A blend of licorice root, oregano, lemon verbena, and peppermint. One of the teas from Rivain known for its healing properties. Rumored to be favored by Empress Celene to stave off headaches.

Rosehips Tea (Orlais)

Spiced Tea (Nevarra)

Stripweed Tea (Tevinter)

Unsweetened Tea

Verimensis Tea (Tevinter)

Whiskey

Cinnamon-infused Whiskey

Ferelden Whisky

Legacy White Shear

Mackay’s Epic Single Malt

Wine

The Tapster’s Tavern in Orzammar serves 12 types of imported wines, some are listed.

Agreggio Pavali (Tevinter)

Alyons Black (Orlais)

Amaranthine Red (Ferelden)

Anderfels Red

Antivan Red

Bitter Black Wine (Orlais)

Bottled Scar 5:34 Exalted - A rare collaboration between human and elf vintners.

Celestine Black Wine (Orlais)

Dalish Wine

Dandelion Wine (City Elves of Orlais)

Elderberry Wine (Ferelden)

Finale by Massaad (Orlais)

Flames of Our Lady (Orlais)

Flat Wine

Ghislain Red (Orlais)

Iced Wine - Mentioned in both Tevinter and Orlais.

Montsimmard White (Orlais)

Mosswine (Orzammar)

Mulsum (Tevinter)

Orlesian Red

Plum Wine

Red Wine

Serault Yellow Wine (Orlais)

Serault White (Orlais)

Silent Plains Piquette (Tevinter)

Southern Black Wine

Spiced Wine

Sweetened and Spiced Yellow Wine

Val Chevin Red Wine (Orlais)

Vint-9 Rowan’s Rose (Tevinter)

Watered Wine

White Seleny Wine (Antiva)

White Wine

Yellow Wine

Additional Spirits

Abyssal Peach

Antivan Sip-Sip

Aqua Magus

Aquae Lucidius - A potent liquor made of wyvern venom; a rare drink known for its hallucinogenic properties.

Bottle of Rotgut - Rotgut is slang for cheap whiskey.

Butterbile :84

Carnal 8:69 Blessed (Orlais)

Dwarven Ale - Not actually an ale, but a black liquid reputedly made from fungus with a reputation as being almost undrinkable for anyone not a dwarf.

Garblog’s Backcountry Reserve

Golden Scythe 9:40 Black

Hirol’s Lava Burst (Kal'Hirol)

Maraas-Lok (Qunari)

Moonshine

Potent Moonshine

Sun Blonde Vint-1 (Tevinter)

Raw Ingredients of Thedas

Fruits, Mushrooms, Nuts, and Vegetables

Edible Plants

Bark

Fern Fiddlehead (Avvar)

Hops

Lichen (Dwarves)

Black Lichen - Toxic unless properly cooked.

Moss (Dwarves)

Nettle

Pungent Leaves - Unspecified leaves. (Avvar)

Rose (Orlais)

Rose Petals

Rosehips

Stripweed (Tevinter)

Sugar Cane (Orlais, Tevinter, Rivain)

Vine Leaves (Tevinter)

Watercress (Avvar)

Wildflowers

Borage

Chicory

Dandelion

Honeysuckle

Jasmine

Violet

Fruits and Nuts

Apple

Applewood Apples (Orlais)

Golden Apples (Orlais)

Green Apples

Le Pomme Vie et Morte - Apples that grow by the gallows in Val Royeaux. (Orlais)

Red Apples

Windfall Apples

Apricot

Banana

Par Vollen Banana

Rivain Banana

Berry

Blackberry (Ferelden)

Blueberry

Cranberry

Currant

Black Currant

Elderberry (Ferelden)

Raspberry

Strawberry (Ferelden)

Caper (Antiva)

Cherry

Black Cherry

Sour Cherry - unspecified variety(ies)

Sweet Cherry - unspecified variety(ies)

Cocoa/Chocolate (Donarks)

Coconut

Coffee (Antiva)

Date - A purple and red fruit with a pit, it has a sweetness and tangy taste. (Tevinter)

Fig (Tevinter)

Grape

Red Grape (Orlais)

Lemon

Lime

Mango

Nuts

Almond

Chestnut

Pine Nut

Olive

Antivan Olive

Orange (Antiva, Orlais, Tevinter)

Blood Orange (Nevarra)

Passion Fruit (Antiva)

Peach

Pear

Plum

Pomegranate (Tevinter)

Pomegranate Seeds

Grain

Barley

Fereldan Barley

Pot Barley

Oats

Rolled Oats

Rice (Antiva, Rivain)

Ryott (Ferelden)

Wheat

Durum Wheat (Rivain)

Whole Grains

Mushrooms

Deep Mushroom

Field Mushroom

Unspecified Fungus - Used to brew Dwarven ale.

Truffle

Unnamed Glowing Fungus

Wild Mushroom

Vegetables and Legumes

Beans

Bush Beans (Free Marches)

Green Beans (Orlais)

Pale Beans (Orlais)

White Beans (Orlais)

Beet

Cabbage

Carrot

Purple Carrot (Orlais)

White Carrot (Orlais)

Celery

Chickpea (Rivain)

Chive

Corn

Checkered Corn

Golden Corn (Orlais)

Yellow Corn

Cucumber

Eggplant (Antiva, Ferelden)

Fennel (Orlais)

Leek

Lentils

Lettuce

Mustard

Onion

Red Onion (Orlais)

Sweet Onion (Orlais)

White Onion

Pea

Peanut (Antiva, Seheron)

Pepper

Antivan Pepper

Green Pepper

Hot Pepper

Hot Red Pepper

Red Bell Pepper (Rivain)

Sweet Pepper (Orlais)

Potato

Radish

Daikon Radish (Ferelden)

Rhubarb (Ferelden)

Spinach

Squash

Marrow Squash

Pumpkin

String Squash

Tomato

Turnip - aka navet

Turnip Greens

Wild Greens

Yams (Ferelden)

Animal Products

Dairy

Cream

Heavy Cream

Milk

Cow Milk

Goat Milk

Halla Milk

Ram Milk

Soured Milk

Eggs

Caviar

Chicken Egg

Fish and Seafood

Carp

Cod

Crab

Cuttlefish

Eel

Krone

Lamprey

Mackerel

Mussel

Oyster

Prawn

River Herring

Shrimp

Sunfish

Trout

Whitebait

Insects

Cave Beetle (Dwarven)

Giant Spider (Dwarven)

Scorpion

Snail (Avvar)

Wood-burrowing beetle larvae (Dalish)

Meats

Beef

Ox

Ox-tongue

Veal

Boar

Bronto (Orzammar)

Cat - mentioned to be eaten in Orlesian alienages by those most desperate (City Elves of Orlais).

Dog - mentioned to be eaten in Orlesian alienages by those most desperate (City Elves of Orlais).

Druffalo

Giant (Tevinter)

Goat

Gurn

Halla

Hare

Hart

Horse

Liver - General name given, animal isn’t specified.

Nug

Pork

Pig’s Feet

Pork Hocks

Pork Saddle

Rabbit

Ram

Rat - mentioned to be eaten in alienages by those most desperate (City Elves of Anderfels, Ferelden)

Sheep

Lamb

Mutton

Venison

Wandering Hills (Anderfels)

Poultry and Reptiles

Bunting

Chicken

Poussin (Chasind)

Deepstalker (Dwarven)

Dove

Dracolisk (Tevinter)

Dragon (Nevarra, Orlais)

Duck

Gurgut (Avvar)

Lurker (Avvar)

Partridge

Pheasant

Phoenix

Pigeon

Quail

Quillback

Swan

Turkey

Varghest

Wyvern (Avvar and Orlais)

Misc.

Dragon Blood (Nevarra)

Druffalo Dung

Honey

Honeycomb

Miscellaneous Ingredients

Baking Ingredients

Ash

Elfroot Ash

Hardwood Ash (Dalish)

Baking Powder

Yeast Cake

Salts

Fine-ground Salt

Rock Salt

Salt

Sea Salt

Others

Brine

Clay (Avvar)

Pine Pitch (Alamarri)

Herbs and Spices

Herbs

Basil - Mentioned to be grown in Serault, Orlais.

Dried Basil

Bay Leaf

Catsbane

Elfroot

Elfroot Leaves

Royal Elfroot

Lavender (Orlais)

Mint

Anderfels’s Mint

Foxmint

Peppermint

Oregano

Dried Oregano

Parsley

Prophet’s Laurel

Rosemary

Spindleweed

Verdant Spindleweed

Thyme

Spices

Allspice

Anise

Antivan Cord-seed

Cardamom

Cinnamon (Rivain, Seheron)

Clove

Cumin

Cumin Seed

Deep Mushroom Powder (Orlais and Orzammar)

Dill

Dill Seeds

Eastern Spice - Unnamed

Fennel

Fennel Seeds

Garlic

Ginger

Dried Ginger

Hot Pepper Powder

Hot Red Pepper, Crushed

Juniper

Licorice

Mace

Mustard

Mustard Powder

Mustard Seeds

Nutmeg (Seheron)

Grated Nutmeg

Ground Nutmeg

Pepper

Black Pepper

Peppercorn

Black Peppercorn

Poppyseed

Saffron

Spice Ball - A variety of mixed spices wrapped in a cheesecloth

Star Anise

Vanilla (Rivain)

Prepared Ingredients

Basic Ingredients

Alcohol

Brandy

Cinnamon-infused whiskey

Dark Llomerryn Rum

Hirol’s Lava Burst

Prophet’s Laurel Gin

Red Wine

Watered Down Ale

Whiskey

White Seleney Wine

Broth

Deepstalker Broth

Fish Broth

Butters - Non-dairy butters

Peanut Butter

Caramel

Cocoa Products

Chocolate (Orlais, Tevint)

Chocolate Bitters

Cocoa Butter - used to make white chocolate (Orlais)

Cocoa Powder - difficult to procure

White Chocolate (Orlais)

Compote - Fresh or dried fruit that is cut into chunks and stewed in a syrup of sugar and other flavours.

Red Grape Compote (Orlais)

Croutons

Custard

Dough

Pie Dough

Puff Pastry Dough (Orlais)

Extract

Mint Extract

Orange Extract

Vanilla Extract

Flour

Ryott Flour (Chasind, Ferelden)

Semolina Flour (Rivain)

Wheat Flour

Whole Grain Flour

Frosting

Buttercream

Chocolate Cream

White Frosting

Gold

Edible Gold Leaf

Gold Dust

Jam

Plum Jam

Raspberry Jam

Mulled Fruit

Mulled Raspberry

Oil

Cod Liver Oil

Orange Essence

Pasta

Antivan Pasta

Couscous (Rivain)

Gnocchi (Antiva)

Grain-based Noodle

Noodle

Pound Cake

Stock

Brown Stock

Sugar

Brown Sugar

Molasses

Powdered Sugar

Sugar-cream Icing

Sugar Flowers

Sugared Rose Petals

Syrup

Sugar Syrup

Tea Biscuit

Toffee

Wafer

Vinegar

Apple Cider Vinegar

Herbed Wine Vinegar

Dairy and Eggs

Butter

Cow Butter

Goat Butter

Halla Butter

Herbed Butter

Nug Butter

Cheese

Antivan Smoked Cheese

Blue-veined Cheese (Orlais)

Brie Cheese

Brined Goat Cheese

“Dalish” Cheese - An ill described item as it is unclear if it is actually cheese. One thing is for sure it isn’t Dalish.

Dry Cheese - Unspecified cheese used in cacio e pepe(Antiva)

Feisty Cheese (Orlais)

Goat Cheese

Halla Cheese (Dalish)

Ram Cheese (Ferelden)

Cream

Spiced Cream

Thickened Cream

Whipped Cream

Egg

Hard Boiled Egg

Yogurt

Dried and Cured Foods

Dried Fruits, Vegetables, and Fungi

Dried Apple

Dried Apricot

Dried Beans

Dried Cherry

Dried Cranberry

Dried Currant

Dried Mushroom

Dried Peas

Prunes

Pitted Prunes

Raisin

Cured Meats

Bacon

Nug Bacon

Smoked Bacon

Cold Cuts

Dried Meats

Dried Mackerel

Lutefisk

Jerky

Spiced jerky

Salted Meat

Dried Salt Pork

Salt Pork

Salted Beef

Salted Dragon Meat

Salted Fish

Salted Goat Meat

Sausage

Blood Sausage

Smoked Sausage

Spiced and Salted Sausage

Smoked

Smoked Beef

Smoked Fish

Smoked Goat Meat

Pickled Foods

Pickled Apples

The Pickled Apples of Arlathan - Apples said to be from the time of Arlathan. The taste is described to be one of fresh apples, with the same crispness.

Pickled Fish

Pickled Lamprey

Pickled Nug

Pickled Ox Tongue

Pickled Vegetables

Pickles

Prepared Animal Products

Gelatine

Grease

Ground Meat

Ground Beef

Ground Nug

Lard

Spiced Meat

Miscellaneous

Lyrium

Soup Bone

Wyvern Venom - There are 47 ways to distill wyvern venom to be safe for consumption.

Sources:

(If you want to find the direct links or page numbers, check out the Wiki's Food and Ingredients page.)

Primary Sources: Dragon Age: Origins (Base and DLCs) Dragon Age: Awakening Dragon Age 2 (Base and DLCs) Dragon Age: The Last Court Dragon Age: Inquisition (DLCs + Multiplayer)

Books: Dragon Age Tabletop RPG Core Rulebook Dragon Age Tabletop RPG: Blood in Ferelden Dragon Age Tabletop RPG: Game Master’s Kit: Buried Past World of Thedas Vol. 1 World of Thedas Vol. 2 Dragon Age Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne Dragon Age: The Calling Dragon Age: The Masked Empire Dragon Age: Asunder Dragon Age: Last Flight Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights Short Story: Paper and Steel Short Story: Paying the Ferryman Short Story: Riddle in Truth Short Story: As We Fly

Comics: Silent Grove Mage Killer Knight Errant Deception

Wanna support this blog? Check out my ko-fi.

#dragon age #food lore #foods of thedas master post #alcohol cw #food cw #drinks of thedas #foods of thedas #ingredients of thedas #thedosian foods #thedosian fauna #thedosian flora #anderfels #antiva #avvar #chasind #dalish #ferelden #free marches #nevarra #orlais #orzammar #rivain #seheron #tevinter #city elf #qunari #long post #archi is archiving #this post is so long I kid you not when da4 comes out I will likely have to make a whole separate post

[4izawas]

— 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 ‘𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ; 𝐤𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐣𝐢 & 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐲𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐨.

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 !! — stolen away from their home by invading barbarians, baji and chifuyu learn the hard way what it means to become the barbarian queen’s concubines.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 !! — keisuke baji/f!reader, chifuyu matsuno/f!reader.

𝐰𝐜 !! — 10.60k.

𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 !! — nsfw ; minors dni.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 !! — historical au, kidnapping, human trafficking, concubine!baji, concubine!chifuyu, fxf, pussy eating, fingering, mxm, mxmxf, double penetration ( vaginal ), threesome, kissing, biting, claiming, jealousy.

— 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐦���� !!

“I don’t get why we had to get picked for foraging duty though, why couldn’t some of the girls have gone?” 

The words, spoken loudly and without caution, come from Baji Keisuke, a twenty-three-year-old man who often found himself dragged along through life by his closest friend, Chifuyu Matsuno, which is who he was speaking to at that very moment through the leaves of a blackberry bush. Baji’s complaints are slightly distorted by the blackberries he’d been putting in his mouth in between moments of dropping handfuls in his basket, a distortion of his voice that doesn’t go unnoticed by his friend, who was gathering red berries on another bush opposite the one Baji was standing behind. 

“Because it's laundry day and I’d rather pick berries than wash shit stains out of some of the grimier warrior’s underwear,” Chifuyu retorts, peeking around the vast bushes to get a look at his friend. Baji had frozen up as soon as Chifuyu’s head had peeped around the bushes, his lips and some of his chin covered in berry juices, and Chifuyu rolls his eyes with a soft, fond smile. “Y’know, Keisuke, we’ll never get done if you keep stuffing the damn things in your mouth instead of putting them in the basket.”

“Please, there’s plenty here,” Baji mutters, placing three more berries in his mouth when he knows Chifuyu is watching just for good measure before going back to gathering them. Once his basket is half full, he props it on one hip and wanders off to gather dandelions, mushrooms, and various tree nuts, knowing that he didn’t need to take them all at once and that everything edible was useful for a village as big as theirs was getting. “When are we going back? My feet hurt,” he whines, three pecans loosely held in one hand, and Chifuyu rolls his eyes. 

“Maybe if you weren’t just standing there like some sort of valley spectre they wouldn’t,” he teases, popping a berry of his own into his mouth and relishing the burst of bitterness that quickly turned sweet when he bit down on it and it was crushed between his teeth. 

Baji groans, pulling at his hair with one hand. “I doubt a valley spectre’s feet can even hurt, Chifuyu, they’re dead — and c’mon, I'm bored! We’ve gathered plenty of food today, I want to go back to the village and take a dip in the water hole.”

“We aren't supposed to swim in it, Baji, you know that!” Chifuyu hisses, glancing around to make sure no hunters were making their way through the woods.

“It's only against the rules if you get caught,” Baji replies, shrugging. Chifuyu facepalms, completely outdone, then sighs. 

“You know what? Fine, let’s go before you eat everything we’ve found,” he teases, and Baji swings at him gently before they link arms and laugh their way through the undergrowth and back to the trail. The two men chatter back and forth as they make their way through the woods, one of them occasionally darting off to snag a mushroom or plant they know to be especially tasty, but more or less making good time back home, and Baji’s in the middle of spinning around and looking every way but where the path leads ( and subsequently finding a whole cluster of his favorite kinds of mushroom )  when his friend freezes. 

“Do you — do you smell smoke?” Chifuyu asks his companion quietly, glancing around in worry. Baji stops his lazy spinning, a small brown mushroom from the cluster he’d found in hand and ready to be placed in the basket on his hip as they keep walking, then just laughs, excited to be on the way home after a boring day looking for mushrooms, greens, and berries in the woods. 

“Smoke? C’mon, ‘Fuyu, what do you mean, smo-“ both his words and his smile die on his lips as the smell reaches his own nose and the sounds of distant screaming begins to faintly echo through the trees ahead of them. Looking up, they see multiple plumes of black smoke drifting above the trees, and their faces pale drastically as they look at each other in fear, their breathing shallow and stuttery. “Oh gods,” Baji whispers, his voice shaking, “it’s the village.” They throw their baskets to the ground, the red berries that Chifuyu had spent hours carefully gathering squashing beneath their feet and leaving garish red footprints in their wake as they race back to the place they’d always called home, desperate to get there and salvage what they could from whatever disaster had struck. Had the fire jumped over the pit in the eastern side of the village? Had someone knocked over a lamp and had the oil in it caught fire? 

They run through the forest, ignoring both the trail and the whipping of branches and leaves against their bodies as they cut through everything in a mad dash home. Thorns grab at their clothes, ripping the furs and leathers in some places, and rocks and sticks dig painfully into their bare feet. A length of briars wraps around Chifuyu’s ankle and he lets out a pained shriek as its thorns bite into his leg and it trips him, and he falls to the ground in pain. Baji, who’d kept going a ways, skids to a stop and runs back to his friend despite the screaming ahead, worrying his lip as he grabs the thorny vine and whimpering slightly as it cuts into his palms. Together they shakily rip away the briars, hurting themselves in their haste; their fingers and hands and Chifuyu’s ankle and foot were bleeding profusely from where the thorns had torn at their skin, but they forced themselves to ignore it in favor of making it home. Within seconds they’re back on their way, still ignoring everything on the forest floor, and as they break through the trees they see the cause of the commotion: at least seventy men and women on horses were racing through the village, slitting throats and grabbing who and whatever they felt like, primarily the food and supplies that they’d just traded for with another village as well as some of the women and men that were being protected by ( failing ) warriors. Their eyes wide and filled with horror, the two companions were forced to watch as more and more of their brave women and men’s throats were cut, they were run through, or they were gutted, and how the village seamstress and her daughters, all adults but still gentle handed and nowhere near wanting to join the warrior group, were snatched up and bound before being thrown into a bunch of others that were being guarded by another handful of the invading barbarians. 

Cheering, a group of three of the barbarian riders fly by on their horses chasing a sobbing woman holding her baby, a baby that Chifuyu had even helped bring into the world at the insistence of the village healer. 

“By the gods,” Baji whimpers, trembling just as hard as Chifuyu. His eyes were locked on his home and he staggers towards it before breaking into a panicked run, a blatant fear blazing in his eyes as strong as the fire that had clearly overtaken it. “My — my parents-!”

Chifuyu chases after him, taking his hand in his only to look up in terror as Baji is stopped by a massive onyx black horse with wild, reddened eyes and a frothing mouth led by its rider, a vicious-looking, bloody woman with a simple golden circlet braided into her hair. A cruel glint sparkled in her eyes, and she pointed her curved blade down at them in a silent threat. Thick red blood dripped from the tip, and the two men shook with fear as men on horses surrounded them and her face split into a cold grin. 

She rumbles down at them, “Mmmm, yes, the two of you — perfect. You both shall join me on the long journey to our homeland.”

The men around them cackle wickedly and two jump down from their horses, blood  ( which was clearly not his own ) soaking half of one’s face, grabbing them and forcing their wrists together in front of them. Two more men tightly tie thick ropes around their wrists before getting back on their horses and yanking them over to a new spot beside where the small group of invaders was guarding more people. Among them, Chifuyu saw a bound and gagged Draken, the top in his age group to join in the village’s warriors, as well as Mitsuya the seamstress’s son, who was protecting his mother and sisters as best he could while bound and gagged himself. Their eyes met and a crushing sense of familiarity was shared before they were yanked away from that group by the men holding the other ends of the ropes binding their wrists. 

For the rest of the night, they’re forced to watch as the people they’ve lived with for over twenty years are captured or slaughtered, how no matter how desperately they beg, if the men and women before them see no value in them a blade is brought down and their screams are silenced, and when it’s all over and the survivors of the massacre are being led away Baji and Chifuyu look back at the remnants of the village. They gaze despondently at the smoke billowing in the breeze and the blood that soaked the grass, and they listen. They listen to the wailing wives and mothers, to the sounds of fire still unkempt and crackling and to the sounds of bodies being dragged to be put together by the tiny handful of survivors that hadn’t been wanted by the barbaric monsters that had slain the majority of their people. They smell the blood that had just been spilt, and their noses burn as they smell the bitter smoke. They feel the grass, slick with blood, squelching beneath their bare feet and bubbling up between their toes — and then, with just a jerk of the ropes binding their wrists, their senses are encompassed by the sight of invaders all around them, by the smell of sweat and blood and iron, by the sounds of the footfalls of horses and the laughter of those that had taken them, by the feeling of their wrists being rubbed raw as they were dragged along by their captors, and they knew. 

Toman Village was done for. 

The first thing that Baji notices as they finally cross into the desert was that it was hotter than any summer that he’d ever experienced in all of his twenty-three years of life. No one from Toman Village had ever dared venture into the desert for any reason, both because of the distance and because of the heat that was rumoured to boil you from the inside out, and Baji was beginning to think that it wasn’t a rumour anymore.

Their captors stop the procession and Baji finally notices that the discomfort in his legs came from how much the sand underneath him burns his bare feet. He winces, picking up one foot to give it a moment of relief then putting it down in favor of doing the same for the other; while it brought the pain to a stop for a second or two, it still always started up again as soon as he put his foot back down. Glancing to his right, he could see that Chifuyu was having the same problem, but they were both ignored as the woman leading the group orders two smaller groups of men off. Baji watches them go, guessing that one of them were collecting water judging from the large number of goatskins they’d tight to their horses. What the other group was doing he had no idea — maybe hunting?

Someone new comes up to them, a bundle of cloth in hand, and Baji stands in front of Chifuyu almost instinctively ( even though he knows that the man could easily kill him and get to Chifuyu anyway ). “Change,” the scarred man snaps, throwing clothes and two pairs of brown sandals at them. Baji is quick to put the shoes on, urging Chifuyu to do the same, the relief they felt once escaping from the burning sand instant, but they both hesitate when they look at the clothes. The ones they’re wearing right now — thick furs and leather — are leaving them hot and uncomfortable, but to put these on they’d have to undress in front of the entire group of people that kidnapped them. Even worse, the people around them weren’t keeping their gazes subtle. Plenty were openly watching them with a lazy look in their eyes, almost as if they didn’t care; hell, maybe they didn’t. 

Chifuyu bit the bullet first, grinding his teeth as he took off his shirt and replaced it with the length of thin brown cloth that looked more like a wide scarf than a top. He tied the loose ends behind his back tightly, and they both discovered that the bottom hem stopped just beneath his pecs; Baji could tell by the way his friend shifted his hips that he was uncomfortable, but with a sigh he moved on to the pants, which sat low on his hips and clung to them but fluttered around his thighs and calves from how loose the cloth of legs of them were. Screwing up his nose in a sign of his own discomfort, Baji followed suit, and soon his own furs and leathers were in a heap on the ground next to Chifuyu’s. They looked down at them silently, wondering why it had to be Toman Village that got captured; why couldn’t it be another? Toman wasn’t even the closest village to the desert, they’d passed those, and all of the people within it had paused what they were doing just to watch the barbarians drag them off. They’d not tried to help, to fight or bargain for Tomanms freedom, they’d just watched — and then, once the village was behind them, Baji had heard it roar back to life as if nothing had happened. 

He jumps when rough hands fist in his hair, and he tries to pull away but the person holding him won’t let go. “Be still!” they snarl, and Baji freezes in response. He recognized the voice, it was the woman that had claimed some sort of possession over them, but why was she here?

Her hands continue fiddling with his hair, and after about two minutes of this something thin tightens around it and Baji realizes that it isn’t down and whipping in the breeze anymore. Instead it’s piled high on his head and tied with what feels like a length of leather. Once she lets him go he throws himself forward towards where Chifuyu was watching in worry and stands close to him, wild-eyed and nervous. She just quirks up an eyebrow at them both, something akin to amusement in her eyes, then climbs back on her horse and leaves, back to ignoring them. 

The groups that branched off returned about ten minutes later, and several fresh animal carcasses were tossed on wagons that had been tended to while they were away. Two of the men ( who Baji recognizes as the ones who had held them as ropes were tied around their wrists ) ride over and thrust a dripping goatskin in Chifuyu’s face, and upon discovering the fresh water inside it the two drink like a pair of men dying from thirst. While they do so another man brings dried strips of meat to them as well as small berries that were bitter but still stomachable, and another came with bread that was a little stale but that they were grateful for nonetheless, and they ate while they drank. 

Stomachs full and donned in their new clothes, the evening breeze feels better than ever, and the food and water pools coolly in their stomachs in a way that’s beyond refreshing and relieving. While neither of them wanted to admit that they were currently comfortable, neither could deny that they don’t feel as sick anymore, at least until they see that the rest of their former fellow villagers, several meters away from where they were being kept, aren’t receiving as nice of treatment. In fact, neither could really tell if they’d gotten to eat at all, but they knew that they weren’t given new clothes and that the only thing they’d gotten was two goatskins of water despite there being at least thirty five people there. 

Baji watches, pained, as Mitsuya urges his mother and sisters to split his small share of the water, and how when bread worse off than what they’d gotten is thrown into the sand at the feet of the other group of captives, he gives that to them too. Draken does the same with other members of the captive Toman Village, giving his share of water to the woman with the baby and splitting his bread between her and the only elder that had survived the raid. 

Night fell fully, a blanket of stars overtaking their heads. Hours later, morning followed, and the next three weeks were spent walking, stopping, and repeating what had happened the first night. The group ate the meat from the animals hunted before they went deep in the desert and drank the water gathered at the same time. Three other villagers tried to escape during this time and all were swiftly dealt with, and with a lack of food and water going his way it only took around two weeks for Draken to collapse. 

He didn’t get back up. 

Much like with the runners, they didn’t stop to pick him up, leaving his corpse behind to rot into the sand as the people of Toman Village mourned. Regardless of their captives’ feelings, the barbarians urged them all on, eager to continue the journey, and Baji and Chifuyu both looked back over their shoulders and watched the empty lump of flesh until they got so far away that it disappeared into the distance behind them. 

Afterwards, the caravan of people continues on its journey until finally stopping at some sort of market. Baji heard the barbarians muttering excitedly about ‘the Bazaar!’ and assumed that’s what it was called, then went back to worrying about the others — only he couldn’t see them. Neither of them could, and they looked around in a panic for them until finally—

“They’re there!” Chifuyu whispers to him, relieved until they realized what’s happening, and they watch in shock as one by one their fellow villagers are sold or traded to the highest bidder as if they were nothing more than livestock. A fight breaks out as Mitsuya’s sisters are bought by different people than him, the man their age desperately trying to claw, kick, bite, and punch his way to them. Their mother had died from the heat of the desert on the journey here, they only had each other left, but all of his struggles are fruitless as he’s knocked nearly unconscious and his sisters are dragged away sobbing and screaming for their older brother by the new group that they belonged to. Mitsuya’s dragged off too, bloody and beaten, and that’s when Baji and Chifuyu force themselves to look away. They can’t watch anymore, if they did they’d vomit. 

Thankfully a distraction comes their way in a mass of gold, green, and white that is thrust at them by the same man that had given them the first set of clothes, and with a resigned grumble ( and quick nudges into the shade of the overhang of a tent ) the two set about changing again, barely noticing the way others from the barbarian group that took them lead their horses to them then stop in front of them to shelter their bare bodies from eager eyes. 

Chifuyu watches as Baji takes off the sandy, dark brown clothes and pulls on the colorful, thin cloth top, tying it behind his neck like intended ( while very careful to avoid any loose hair ) with the small thin length of black cloth that was attached to it. Much like the first, it stops just below his pecs and is tight around his ribcage like the flowy pants were tight around his ankles and just above his hips. The sleeves of the top were the same, tight around the top hem and wrist but loose and flowy around the rest, and the top hem clung to his skin just below his biceps. He slips the new sandals on, and then helps Chifuyu with his own thin straps, but the two of them are lost on the loose chains and the scrap of green and white rectangular cloth, and one of the women from their group rolls her eyes and comes forward, clipping the chains around their waists and muttering, “To attach your coin purse and a small blade,” then putting the rectangular cloth up to their faces and tying it carefully around the back of their heads. she answers their confused look with a groan and just says, “To hide the faces of the chosen ones from the unworthy,” then steps back, dips her head at them in what they could swear was respect, then marches off.

Baji and Chifuyu are left to sit in the shade and watch the people who had stolen them away haggle for this and that, buying what they wanted as they pleased with the utmost respect for each vendor, and it stung. Why were they so… human here, but absolute beasts to Toman Village? 

It wasn’t fair. 

The woman that had claimed them rides forward on her own horse, grabbing the two lengths of rope that their wrists were attached to and leading them to where seven horses, all female, were bound to a wooden railing above a trough of water. She stops in front of them and nods towards the group of horses. “Pick,” she rumbles, waiting silently as they look between the horses and her in surprise. She rolls her eyes. “Pick two. To ride.”

So the horses were for them?

Baji hesitantly reaches a hand out towards a dark grey mare, her back dappled in lighter grey spots all the way down to her haunches, and he laughs in surprise when she bumps her nose up into his hand insistently after sniffing it. His eyes sparkle above his veil and Chifuyu, noticing that this wasn’t some sort of trap and that it was genuinely something nice after their past month in hell, reaches a hand towards a mare the color of buttermilk who huffs at him before gently nibbling his fingers. He grins behind his own veil  and neither man notice the woman paying for the two horses until they’re being picked up and sat on their bare backs. 

Chifuyu’s hands fist in his mare’s white mane as she begins to follow their captor’s black stallion, led by the rope around her neck. Behind him Baji lets out a cry as his own mare rushes forward to catch up, only slowing once she’s shoulder to shoulder with Chifuyu’s horse.  They walk like this for around an hour and a half, the two slowly getting used to the feeling of the horses moving beneath them and learning to lean this way and that or nudge them with their feet on the side where they wanted to turn; they were both hesitant to do it as fast and carelessly as Y/N did with her stallion, a way that spoke of experience, but even their soft little bumps were enough to make the two horses do what they willed. Neither saw, but their captor was smiling ahead of them; they’d picked two rather gentle-natured horses, perfect for a pair who clearly didn’t know what they were doing. 

Three more days and nights are spent in the bazaar, and on the fourth they set out into the desert again. 

They only travelled for three more days after this, three days that are ten times as lonely without the sounds of their former friends nearby. The ropes around their horses' necks are fixed to the saddle on their captor’s horse for the majority of their travel, but both are allowed to keep as much distance between them as they want — at least, they were at first. 

“With me,” the leader says on the final day, her voice colder than the breeze that blew as midday eased into early evening, and they hesitantly nudge their horses’ sides so they’d pick up the pace and walk with their mares’ chests even with either of their captor’s stallions’ hips. In the distance they see lights springing up in between vast tents, and they can hear excited shouting and laughter. To their left a man on a horse rides up with a herd of goats and two dogs herding them following him, and he raises a hand to wave in greeting. The female fighter that had helped them with their veils and chains breaks off from the group and rides to him, smiling brightly, and upon reaching him she leans over to kiss him, and her sentiments aren’t lost on the other riders. Those with spouses, parents, or families waiting for them break away from the group and rush to them, something that both Baji and Chifuyu thought would get them punished but just earns a chuckle from their barbaric leader, and they keep going, riding their horses through town as children run around excitedly and people ogle at them with a blatant interest in their sudden appearance. One little girl even squeals and points at Baji, clearly surprised by his hair, until her father shushes her with a soft smile. 

They eventually stop in front of a massive series of connected tents, and finally the person that stole them away dismounts and motions for them to do the same. As they get down, a rush of footsteps sounds behind them, and all three people turn just in time to see three concubines, two female and one male, rush up to her in excitement. Each donned in simple but beautiful golden jewelry, the three chatter to her wildly, welcoming her home and offering to bathe and feed her until the lone man’s eyes stopped on Baji and Chifuyu. Both newcomers had high hopes that maybe, just maybe, they’d be able to have someone understand their predicament and to be friends with, but the other concubines just looked at the two new arrivals in disgust. 

“Y/N, who are they?” one of the concubines murmurs in confusion, a woman whose coal-black eyes glittered like rare gemstones and whose skin was as dark as the night sky. She had a broad nose that went well with the rest of her features, and a large golden hoop was pierced through her left nostril; even larger golden hoops dangled prettily from her earlobes, with slightly smaller hoops pierced through her ears less than an inch higher than the first set. Her hair was short and dark in color, and it looked to have a texture that resembled clouds in the sky, something that Baji and Chifuyu found fascinating. She was beyond beautiful, more so than anyone they had seen on the long journey here, so why on earth had their captor brought them here? 

 Y/N was apparently the name of their captor, because she just chuckles and kisses the woman’s forehead affectionately. 

“Calm yourself, Afua, they’re here to join you, Amara, and Aron,” she replies gently.  Afua pouts and crosses her arms in response, stubbornly turning her head away so Y/N couldn’t kiss her again, but the other woman just chuckles and gently bumps her nose against her cheek, coaxing a half-smile onto her lips that the concubine tried desperately to fight off. “Don’t be that way, Little Blade — you know I adore you.” The nickname earns her a full smile, though it fades when she looks towards the new concubines again. 

“Y/N, you should kill them — you said you’d never need anyone but us before you left, so surely they’re witches casting spells on you!” the other woman — Amara, Baji thinks to himself — growls, her hair as red as the berries Chifuyu was so fond of back home and her eyes as blue as the sky in the middle of summer. Her skin was the color of fresh milk and freckles were splashed across her face, hands, and arms. The lone man, clearly the one named Aron, was a blond with tanned skin from the sun and eyes like sweetgrass. He was taller than the two women but shorter than the two new concubines, and he stayed silent and just glared at them in a way that made their skin crawl. They pressed their shoulders together nervously and took a step back. 

“Amara is right,” Afua complains, grabbing Y/N’s arm with both hands and confirming what Baji had been thinking, “you’ve been placed under some sort of an enchantment! you’ve been pleased with the three of us — and only the three of us — for over five years, why would your feelings suddenly change? Kill them before they rip out your soul in your sleep and gift it to their gods!” Aron scoffs and nods in agreement, and all five concubines, new and old, jumped when Y/N just started laughing. 

“Even if I had been born blind, I would still be able to see the jealousy the three of you are showing,” she grins, chuckling a little at the squawk of indignation that Amara let out behind them. She ignores it and moves on, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face as she tugs the two newcomers deeper into her tent. She stops them in front of a steaming basin of water and, after cutting the ropes from their wrists and tutting softly at the rope burns there as if she wasn’t the cause of it, nudges them towards it gently, four people emerging from someplace further into the tent who bowed their heads respectfully to Y/N when she began to speak. 

“Bathe,” she murmurs, “the servants will attend you. I believe I have three other spouses to deal with, and all of them are angry.” The last bit is something she mutters to herself, but Baji still hears it, and he begins to worry silently. He's shaken from these thoughts when gently hands pull at his clothes until they come off then push him towards the basin, Chifuyu at his side. 

“Get in quickly before the water cools, please!” one of the servants, clearly the youngest, squeaks with a smile so bright and sweet that, coupled with the fact that they haven't bathed in five weeks, they just can’t bring it upon themselves to deny her. 

The hot water is heavenly, and both Baji and Chifuyu sink into it all the way to the bottoms of their noses, soaking in the pleasant heat. More water is dunked on their heads, just a bit cooler than what they were soaking in, but still hot, and they sigh as fingers start massaging at their scalps, working out the dirt and sweat and hair grease that had built up over the five weeks the spent in the desert. Sweet-smelling oils and perfumes were poured into their hair and massaged into their skin, giving their hair and bodies the faint scent of flowers and honey that blended into their natural smell. After being persuaded into finally getting out, fluffy towels were wrapped around their bodies and their toes made little indents into the soft carpets surrounding the basin. Two of the four servants ran off and returned with new outfits, the cloth all white with gold thread seeing it together and pretty lengths of golden chains used to hold the top, as well as a new veil, up. Their hands are taken and dipped into bowls of warm milk, honey, and rose oil, and then their fingernails and toenails are painted black with the tiniest, most simple golden accents added. Gold chains are clipped carefully around their biceps and then are connected to the unattached sleeves that donned their forearms, and a single golden circlet is placed around each of their wrists and ankles before a similar one is locked around their necks.

“She will be pleased,” the eldest servant, clearly in her mid-fifties, says with a soft smile, and they bow towards them before quickly leaving. 

Wondering what on Earth they were meant to do now, they wander towards the exit only for their way to be barred by two spears wielded by men at least a foot and a half taller than them, so they back up and reenter the tents, wandering around and investigating everything — the bathroom, the room where the concubines had clearly been eating lunch, the room the other concubines had been sleeping in ( judging from the smell of perfume ). Next to a very comfy looking chair was a table made of some sort of dark wood, and on top of the table was a hefty stack of books of varying thicknesses, and beside the books was an unlit candle. Not too far away was another little table that bore several sparkling stones and a pretty teacup carved from a purple crystal, and in another corner was a table full of art supplies. Chifuyu really wanted to grab one of the books to read, but he paused when he realized that they belonged to Afua, who very obviously didn’t like them very much and who wouldn’t want him touching her things. 

It was good that they didn’t touch anything, because at that moment the three concubines re-entered the tents, followed by Y/N. They seemed to be in better moods, each holding something ( a stack of seven books was in Afua’s hands, for instance ) but Afua’s happy expression clearly darkened when she saw Chifuyu so close to her set of books. She strides forward quickly and gets close to Chifuyu, ignoring Baji’s protests. 

“If I find out that you’ve touched any of my things, I’ll gut you and feed your innards to the war dogs,” she hisses, her eyes filled with a vicious poison more potent than some tangible ones. With that, she places the new stack of books on the table and sits down in her chair hard, an air of aggression in her, then opens the book on top of the stack that she’d returned to the tents with and begins reading.  Swallowing hard, Chifuyu backs into Baji and they retreat from the beautiful ( but beyond terrifying ) woman, only to bump into one of the other concubines by mistake. 

It’s Amara, who huffs at them and storms off to the little table with the stones on it. She sits down in front of it and opens the leather pack that she’d come in with and begins to take more stones out, each as dazzling ( and some more so ) than the last. 

Aron they manage to avoid bothering in a new way, the man carrying his own bag over to the table with paint and chalk and charcoal and opening it to reveal little bottles of what looked like fresh paints. A soft smile upturns his lips, and he begins sorting everything out excitedly. 

“They’re gifts,” Baji whispers to Chifuyu, “when she leaves, she brings them back gifts.”

The realization washes over him instantly once Baji’s words register, and he understands. All of Afua’s books were gifts that Y/N had given her, all of the art supplies Aron was hoarding were presents, and every stone and crystal that Amara was holding up to the light and squealing over were as well. No wonder Afua had been so protective of her books, they were what she got for spending over a month alone, and likewise for the others. 

They’re both startled when Y/N advances on them, and they back away quickly. Baji goes so fast that he falls back on a heap of blankets and pillows, leaving Chifuyu alone above him as Y/N finally puts her hands on him. 

She presses her face into his neck and inhales deeply, grinning against his skin. “Y’smell good,” she rumbles into his neck, and he trembles as teeth drag across his neck, her incisors more the length of small fangs like his friend had scraping at sensitive spots on his skin before she pulls away with a chuckle and lets him fall backwards and down next Baji. 

“I won’t take you tonight,” she rumbles from her place standing above them simply, flashing them a simple grin. “because, by the time I do, you will beg me not to stop.” 

With that,,, she backs away from them, a heavy sway in the way she walked, and makes her way over to Afua, whose look of disdain their way immediately transforms into girlish excitement once she realizes that she’ll be the sole focus of the clan leader’s affections. The two other concubines who had been watching her interact with Baji and Chifuyu with fury burning in their eyes turn their gazes to Afua and Y/N, and while the angry look in their eyes isn’t as bright it’s still aggressive; it’s then that the two newcomers realize that even before they’d been stolen away it really was every concubine for themselves, and clearly Afua was the favorite. 

Afua quickly gets up and out of her chair then gently pushes Y/N into it, the barbarian queen allowing her body to carefully fall back onto the chair as Afua climbs up her body and straddles her, her breasts just below her chin from how close together they were. 

“So you did miss me then, Little Blade?“ she rumbles teasingly, referencing some conversation that Baji and Chifuyu weren’t a part of, and Afua just answers by needily locking their lips together and kissing Y/N deeply. One of Y/N’s hands gently grips her waist while the other comes up to cup Afua’s face as they kiss, her thumb rubbing across her cheekbone in a gentle, almost domestic caress that had the concubine sighing into her lips. Afua pulls away slowly, almost hesitant, and closes her eyes as she rests her forehead against Y/N’s. 

“Yes,” the woman in her lap breathes shakily, “I missed you.”

Months pass with them in the camp with Y/N and the concubines, and as the seven month mark passes they’re free to roam the encampment as they please. Just as the woman who had put their veils on for them said, coin purses are now always attached to the chains at their hips as well as a small knife for each of them. 

Throughout their time there they’d learned over drinks with a drunken Amara that Aron was selectively mute due to a competing clan attacking his old home  and that the reason Afua was called ‘Little Blade’ by Y/N was because the moment she’d been given the blade she had on a chain at her hips she’d drawn it against Y/N and had it pressed to the artery in her neck before any of the guards could stop her. 

Obviously the situation had been diffused, because otherwise Toman Village wouldn’t have been burnt to the ground. In the back of their minds that night both Baji and Chifuyu had wondered what the men and women that had gone out further inland to hunt for bigger, more impressive game than deer or boar thought when they came back to a village of nothing but ash and blood. Both talked about it and agreed that they must have been beyond upset; Chifuyu even wondered aloud his concerns of how Mikey and Pah must have felt when they came back and found Shinichiro, Emma, and Peh dead and Draken, Mitsuya, and Baji just… gone. 

Both hoped that they didn’t know Draken was dead too or what had happened to Mitsuya. 

Another plus side of the last seven months was that they were never forced to fuck her. She just let them… exist in her life without ever trying to corner them. She did let her touches linger at certain times, and occasionally they’d accidentally walk in on her fucking one of the original concubines in whatever room they’d gotten horny in. 

Because she isn’t fucking them, though, the other concubines make sure that they frequently take advantage of that and warm her bed every night, Afua more often than either of the others. Apparently she was dead set on remaining Y/N’s unspoken favorite, and she was succeeding. It was, in all honesty, how they’d gotten here, in fact. 

It was the middle of the night and they were both going to Y/N’s room to ask for another blanket when they’d walked past the sight of Y/N and Afua tangled together in Afua’s private room with the clan leader’s head buried between thick, dark thighs, feasting on what was normally hidden between them. Chifuyu and Baji watch in surprise as Afua grasps needily at Y/N’s shoulders, her head thrown back in ecstasy, and they’re so buried in watching them that they don’t notice that Afua’s head isn’t thrown back anymore. 

Instead her eyes, black as ink, are locked on Baji’s, and they narrow as Y/N’s grip on her thighs tightens, her face buried in the woman’s pussy and her tongue delving deeper and deeper inside. Baji’s pwn eyes widen in shock at the fact that they’ve been found out and he paws at Chifuyu to try to tell him. When Chifuyu looks up and sees Afua’s glare on him he shrinks back, still afraid of the first concubine, and she snorts. 

Suddenly her face contorts into a look of pure pleasure as she lets out a keening cry, one hand rushing up to cup her right breast and the other flying down to the back of Y/N’s head, pressing her lover’s face deeper into her soaking wet snatch. She twists one of her dark nipples between her well-manicured fingers, her hips stuttering up into Y/N’s talented mouth, and her eyes cross as an orgasm washes over her. The clan leader carefully pulls off of her sensitive, swollen cunt and crawls up her body, still not acknowledging the men watching in shock. Afua is, however, very much aware of their presence, and she tiredly puts a leg over Y/N’s middle and throws her arms around her neck as Y/N kisses her way down her own. 

Y/N’s wandering fingers find their way to her pussy again and Afua shrieks as Y/N presses them inside and curls them up into her swollen sweet spot, rolling her hips up into her hand and the two newcomer concubines completely forgotten. Continuing her movements in seconds, Y/N roughly presses her callused thumb against Afua’s swollen clit and begins rubbing hard, fast circles on and around it, enjoying the way the other woman writhed and cried. Tears had sprung up in her eyes from the pleasure and overstimulation, and as they rolled down her cheek Y/N licked them off, pulling more cries from Afua’s lips until finally the woman screamed long and louder than before and came all over her fingers. 

She fell back onto the bed after that, her ample chest heaving and fresh tears both running down her face and sparkling along her lash line. Her thighs trembled violently from the unintentional overstimulation as she felt Y/N’s hands carefully withdraw from her aching cunt ( her lover hadn’t been gentle with her ) and she mumbles out a quiet “Goodnight, Y/N, I love you,” that only the two of them could hear that earned her a gentle kiss to the back of her hand before curling up in bed to sleep. Y/N gets up and her eyes lock on the two peepers, who freeze again in fear. Now that she’d discovered them, what would she do?

“Whaddya need?” she asks lazily, surprising them, and their eyes go wide. 

“Cold,” Chifuyu answers quietly, “We — We got cold. Wanted another blanket.”

Y/N nods and leads them out of the room and over to a chest, which she opens to reveal is full of nice blankets. Still, she can’t hold herself back from teasing them even a little bit more before she sends them off back to bed. “Surely I could help you stay warm another way,” she purred playfully, bending down to grab a blanket, and behind her back they looked at each other and nodded. 

“Fine by me,” Baji says lazily, and the woman in front of them tenses. Unbeknownst to her, the two of them had come up with a plan over the last seven months: wind her up and make her wait, then fuck her until she’s so happy, sleepy, and cumdrunk that she doesn’t know that they’ve fled on horseback with food and water until they’re all the way back to the Bazaar. They’d planned for so long and cleared up any potential fuck ups that nothing could go wrong now; before the next month was over they’d be home. Hopefully Mikey, Pah, and the other survivors were still waiting for them — and maybe they’d even rescued Mitsuya and his sisters by now.

They tear their eyes from each other and discover that the whole time she’s been coolly studying them, her eyes dark and her pupils blown; an intelligence they hated to acknowledge glittered within them, and it burned them even more to realize that their village was destroyed by someone who clearly had carefully planned it out rather than by a senseless, empty-minded ambush. 

“Are you sure?” she asks finally after a lengthy silence, and it surprises them. She’d waited so long for them to come to her and ask for sex, and now that they were she was questioning it? It was almost offensive, and neither of them even liked her. 

“What, you don't want us?” Baji snaps, crossing his arms, and she shakes her head once. 

“It isn’t like that. What I want when it comes to something like this doesn’t matter. I want to know if the two of you want this,” she rumbles back, her eyes shining with some sort of knowledge that they didn’t understand. What could she possibly know about them that they didn’t?

“What do you mean?” Chifuyu asks quietly, sudden feelings of nervousness and hesitation washing over him. Something was wrong, and she knew it — but they did not. 

“I mean, are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do?” she asks softly, lifting one eyebrow in question. Both men swallow hard and nod. 

“We are,” Baji replies, feigning laziness. “We talked about it before we came to you, told one another that next time you offered yourself to us we’d go for it.”

He’s captured and held in her arms suddenly enough that he lets out a shocked cry, his eyes wide and his world spinning from how fast she’d moved. Chifuyu watches in shock from behind them, his eyes wide as Baji’s eyes roll back in pleasure from the feeling of her teeth on his neck, the cursed things digging into a sensitive spot that even he’d not found on himself on a night he’d explored his own body. She bites down hard and he lets out a whimpered cry of pleasure that sends blood racing down directly to both his and Chifuyu’s cocks. Chifuyu’s breathing begins to get heavier as he watches Baji slowly begin to roll his hips up into one of Y/N’s thighs, the hard drag clearly supplying some sort of friction to his otherwise ignored cock. 

Chifuyu lets out a squeak when one of the barbarian queen’s hands releases his friend and darts behind her own body to grab him by the hair, dragging him over and drawing small noises of appreciation from his throat at the feeling. She pulls him close and then tears her mouth from Baji’s neck so she can lock lips with Chifuyu, his moans swallowed up by her own mouth as she holds him close to her body. Baji’s still weakly thrusting against her leg, humping it like a desperate, rutting beast in heat; he’s not been able to blow off steam like this in months, so he’s beyond desperate to chase the high he so desperately craved. Chifuyu’s the same — neither had really so much as even jerked off in the past seven months, too busy planning their escape while adjusting to this strange new life amongst a vast tribe of people who’d murdered theirs and burnt their homes to the ground. 

A small shriek leaves Chifuyu’s lips as he’s lifted from the ground up into Y/N’s arms, and he whimpers as his aching cock drags up against her skin before stopping to rest against her stomach. “Come,” she murmurs, and Baji follows them both on shaky legs with one hand fisted around the calf area of Chifuyu’s black pants. 

They’re pulled into what they can only assume is Y/N’s actual bedroom, an area sealed off by partially translucent cloth that weaves in the breeze blowing in through the front entrance. A large mess of furs and cloth that could only be described as a nest is against the far wall of the tent, a mass of pillows and blankets topping it all off so it looked altogether like the most comfortable place to sleep that either of them had ever seen; in the back of Baji’s mind, he wonders why he’d not asked for even just a few more comforts like these instead of being stubborn and refusing pretty much everything she offered aside from necessities. Had they both been idiots for it?

She carries Chifuyu over to the nest-like bed before carefully plopping him down onto it, Baji following suit before both look up and watch her strip herself. She removed her shirt first, and their eyes lock on the way her breasts bounced and jiggled when freed from the constricting fabric of her armor. The movements of the fatty flesh were beyond mesmerizing, and the two almost forgot themselves in the wake of watching them do so — at least, until she removed her pants. 

She was unshaven but carefully trimmed, and silvery lines spanned her thighs in a beautiful pattern only she possessed; whether they were from growth spurts or not didn’t matter to either of them, they just wanted what she was tempting them with. 

She took her time crawling onto the bed and spreading her legs for them to reveal the slick slit between them, a lazy grin on her face as she watched their pupils grow so much they nearly encompassed their irises. One of her hands drifts down and begins drawing circles on her clit that are equally as lazy as the smile on her face, and she speaks in a slow, relaxed drawl. “Don’t be shy, pets, come on over — I can take you both,” she purrs lowly, her voice a deep rumble that made both men shiver when it reached their ears. Both? Of them? Together? At the same time?

“Yes,” she murrs gently, and they both stiffen with the realization that they’d been speaking their thoughts aloud. “Give me your cocks, pets, I can take you.”

For a moment they just stare at her, unsure. Neither of them was small in the slightest, and they knew it — would she really be okay?

Baji mentally shakes the thoughts he was sharing with Chifuyu out of his head. Y/N had kidnapped them, had killed and sold their people like livestock, and had made them her concubines against their will. Why should they feel bad for her? Why should they worry? Besides, surely she was wet enough; her pussy was practically dripping from her time with Afua, he could see it even in the dim candlelight. 

Yeah. It would be fine. 

“You heard her, ‘Fuyu,” he murmurs, beginning to undress himself all while never tearing his eyes from her — not even when he notices Chifuyu swing his head in his direction in blatant surprise. “Let’s do this together.”

He hears Chifuyu take a deep breath and start taking his own clothes off as well behind him as he slowly stalks forward, never taking his eyes move farther than her heaving chest or her soaking wet cunt even as he situates himself between her legs and moves aside slightly so Chifuyu can slot himself next to him. “How do we — how do we do this?” Chifuyu asks him quietly, and before Baji can answer that he didn’t know, Y/N replies for him. 

“Same time, side by side,” she murmurs, “Some like it one at a time to ease into it, but I’m in a bit of a rush.” Neither of them question her choice of words and instead just press closer to one another, the heads of their hardened cocks brushing against each other and stimulating them both with every move. 

Eager to keep control of the situation, Baji takes both of their cocks in one of his hands and presses their tips against her soaking wet entrance, swallowing hard at the feeling of a wet, velvety soft kiss enveloping his tip before biting down on his bottom lip hard as he presses them both inside her all at once. She growls at the feeling of her wet heat stretching to fit them both, but she doesn’t tell them to stop, so they don’t, and they both watch in avid fascination as the woman they knew to be beyond strong and powerful lets her head fall back and a pleasured moan fills the room. 

They sit there for a moment, soaking up the moment ( because they’re both more than sure this will be the only time it happens ), before Baji breaks it by pulling out and thrusting back inside quickly. It wins him a surprised cry from both Y/N and Chifuyu, sl he laughs a little and keeps going, grinning when  Chifuyu starts doing the same. Before long the three of them are a roiling mess of limbs, fluids, and cries of pleasure, the feelings overriding all of their senses. 

“F-Fuck yes, fuck me harder!” Y/N  moans, a slightly fuckdrunk half grin on her face as they messily thrust up into her messy cunt. 

“Yeah, you like it? You like it when we f-fuck your pussy?” Baji tries, and Y/N just laughs at him. It’s enough to surprise him into stilling long enough for her to use her strength to flip all three of them so she’s on top.

“You really think you’re in control?” she laughs, her eyes sparkling as she rides them both at the same time, “Nah…. Now kiss for me, lovers!” With  twin cries of pleasure falling from their mouths Baji and Chifuyu turn to each other where they’re laying against the furs and lock lips, Chifuyu’s hands coming up to fist themselves in Baji’s hair as the knot in his tummy grows more and more taut with each bounce of Y/N’s hips on top of his own, his whimpers getting swallowed up by his best friend as they grow higher and higher in pitch until finally he throws his head back and full on screams in ecstasy, what seems like endless ropes of cum shooting from his cock and filling her clenching cunt as he cums deep inside her. She lets out a pleased snarl and bites down hard on Baji’s neck, drawing blood and making his own moans twist into a high pitched wail as he bagan cumming himself, filling her up alongside a now limp, exhausted Chifuyu, and as his cock slowly begins softening inside her next to Chifuyu’s, she carefully pulls off of them both then crawls backwards down the nest bed until she stops between Baji’s legs. 

She kisses gently up his twitching, sensitive flesh. “Poor thing,” she rumbles against his thigh, “you’re completely fucked out, aren’t you? You’re my fuckdrunk little slut, aren’t you, Keisuke?” Baji keens for her in response as she follows up her words by taking his spent, oversensitive cock into her mouth and languidly beginning to suck on it, her eyes glittering with amusement as he whimpers and weakly struggles to get away from her touch. 

“N-No, too much — can’t-t, too much, can’t!” he whines, tears springing up in his eyes. Chifuyu’s already passed out next to him, quietly snoring as he struggles to escape her hot mouth. His oversensitive cock aches more and more with each gentle tug from the suction of her mouth, and he squirms and weakly pushes against her. He knew what she was doing, knew that she was doing this on purpose as some way to get back at him for trying to stay in control where he wasn’t supposed to be, but now he just wanted it to stop. He’d submit to her, he’d do anything, it was just too much!

With a loud, strangled cry he cums almost dry in her mouth, only two weak shots of cum going down her throat that make her laugh around him. He sobs at the feeling of the sudden vibrations, tears running down his cheeks as the pleasure shifts hard into pain. She pulls off of his over spent cock and climbs up his shaking body, boxing his in with her arms and leaning down so her lips brushed gently against the shell of his ear.  

“Never try to challenge me again,” she rumbles lowly, her words both just a statement as well as a threat before pulling back and gently kissing his cheek. “Now sleep — it’s been an eventful night for you.”

And for the first time in a long time, Baji couldn’t bring himself to argue, and all it took was around thirty seconds for darkness to overtake his vision with the last thing he saw being Y/N standing up beside the nest bed. 

The next morning, Baji blearily wipes away the annoying crust that had formed on the corners of his eyes overnight, lazily closing his eyes and pressing hard into Chifuyu where the other man was curled around him, greedily soaking in his warmth in the cool morning. The room still stank of the sex that they’d had the night before and he could feel the itchy discomfort that came with dried cum and spit covering his body; there was no doubt that Chifuyu would feel the same once he woke up. 

The sounds of the settlement outside reached his ears through the thick outsides of the massive tent they slept in, and with a resigned sigh he opens his eyes back up. There was no way he was getting back to sleep, and as Chifuyu whines and stirs against him he knows that he won’t be able to either. 

As Chifuyu slowly starts waking up, Baji takes the time to look around the room. There was no sign of Y/N being there anymore — no clothes, no weapons, no nothing; the only thing she’d left behind was her scent on the pillows.

After they both manage to draw themselves out of bed they share a hasty bath and get dressed quickly, both curious as to why Y/N didn’t stay with them until morning whether they wanted to admit it or not. 

They stagger into the communal area of the big tent and don’t see anyone, the one most noticeably absent being Y/N, and Chifuyu groans in annoyance. b

“I’m surprised the two of you are up so early,” a voice calls from across the room, and they both jump instinctively. Unfortunately their bodies don’t allow them to relax when they lock their eyes on Afua, who’s sitting in her chair with one of her new books while one of her personal servants stand dutifully behind her and twists and pulls her short hair into long braids that both of them were certain would pass her ass when she stood. The servants fingers are lightning quick and her eyes are solely focused on the black hair in front of herself, clearly devoted to her task — and she was very obviously used to it, considering how easily her fingers moved despite how complex the braids were to Baji and Chifuyu’s eyes. Every now and then ( though not frequently ) she’d pause to shake her hand before jumping eagerly back into her task, and Afua never looked up from her book as she did. 

Their attentions are regained when Afua begins speaking again. “You missed Y/N’s exit, just like Amara and Aron always do. They’re still asleep, but it seems almost shameful for them to be considering how well used the two of you were by Y/N last night.” Baji and Chifuyu’s faces burn in embarrassment, since they thought she was asleep, but Afua isn’t done. “If you’re going to wail like cum-thirsty whores, at least gag yourselves so I can sleep. Unlike Amara, I don’t enjoy lying awake listening to any of the other concubines getting fucked within an inch of their lives.”

The knowledge that Amara enjoyed listening to the other concubines having sex was not knowledge that either of them signed up for, but regardless of that and their shaky stammering Afua just turns to the next page in her book and ignores them. They slowly start to back away, ever wary of the two wickedly sharp knives that were sheathed on Afua’s soft looking thighs, when she lets out a soft noise that they’d never heard from her before before speaking again. “Oh, and I almost forgot — next time, I advise you to come up with something better if you want to fool Y/N. If you’d actually tried to sneak away like she knew you were planning, the guards would have probably just killed you. The tribe doesn’t like runaways.” They stare at her in horror for a moment, silent in their surprise ( and fear, if they were both completely honest ) that Y/N knew they were planning to escape. 

Chifuyu regains his voice first, though it’s shaky when he begins speaking. “She — She knew?!” he asks, completely shocked, and Afua just rolls her eyes. 

“Of course she knew what you were up to, you fucking idiot, she’s not stupid. Just because she wasn’t handsy with you and in your space doesn’t mean that she wasn’t keeping a close eye on you.” She rolls her eyes at the very thought, then buries herself in her book again as her servant continues working on her hair, this time completely done with the conversation. Baji and Chifuyu stagger out of the room and back to their own, both of them still in complete disbelief. She’d known. All these months spent planning and conniving the perfect method of escape, wasted because she’d known. 

“We’re never getting out of here,” Baji whispers, and Chifuyu remains silent, just thinking about his friend’s words. Baji was right — it had been the better part of an entire year since they’d seen Toman Village and her survivors. Maybe it was time that they resigned themselves to their fate and just… accepted that this was their home now. 

And if they eagerly accepted the gifts Y/N brought back from them when she returned home three weeks later  with gleeful shouting at her back ( though they hid such reactions )? That was their business, and theirs alone. 

𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞, 𝐨𝐜𝐭. 𝟏𝟕 ; 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐮𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬. 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © { 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐 } 𝐛𝐲 𝐗𝐈𝐀𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐂. 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐲, 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞, 𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭.

#keisuke baji x reader #baji keisuke x reader #chifuyu matsuno x reader #matsuno chifuyu x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #chifuyu matsuno x you #keisuke baji x you #baji keisuke x you #matsuno chifuyu x you #tokyo revengers x you #keisuke baji x y/n #baji keisuke x y/n #chifuyu matsuno x y/n #matsuno chifuyu x y/n #tokyo revengers x y/n #kinktober22.neptune

[elliespuns]

Do you think joel was a good cook or couldn't boil water to save his life lol. I feel like I read a lot of fics where joel couldnt' even cook an egg as a single dad, but idk i feel like either he could be really good at cooking, or he was okay at it but he had a couple of dishes that he could cook really well, like chili or something lmao or some southern dish.

As a single father with a teenage daughter and not enough money to live high on the fog, I'd say he had to be able to cook. I don't think he was great, because he surely didn't have enough time to practice in the kitchen with having to work all the time to take care of the bills and other things, and because they would mostly end up ordering takeout or pizza with Sarah. But I believe he would enjoy cooking on weekends, with Sarah helping him out (or making fun of him).

He was probably more likely to make the easiest dishes out there. Like mixing rice or pasta with meat and vegetables and either serving it just like this (either hot or cold) or baking it with cheese on top or something like this. He was probably good at preparing meat too, like roasting chicken or pork and then eating it with plain or roasted potatoes, or just making spaghetti meatballs, the easiest dish out there. I can also see Joel making homemade pizza by throwing cheese on a dough with mushrooms, pepperoni, and ham. Nothing revolutionary or nutritious, but doable and edible.

Imagining Joel probably had a grill in his backyard, he would spend his summer days with Sarah just barbecueing. He would have a good steak once in a while, and Sarah would love grilled corn. They both probably liked grilled vegetable kabobs too. But they would have mostly just burgers anyway since they couldn't get enough of these. And of course, he can't forget about salads; he would also make all sorts of salads if he was lazy: chicken salad, summer salad, lentil salad, you name it.

I don't think he was a bad cook. I think he would do really well if he tried. I think he also had a few tricks up his sleeve. Like making the best baked chicken/beef tacos or lasagna, which I can imagine were Sarah's favorites. Or something like parmesan garlic roasted potatoes, which he would look up on the internet and make for Sarah because he knew how much she loved parmesan and potatoes.

And not to forget about Ellie, I am sure she had a chance to taste some of his specialties too. There wouldn't probably be that many options in the post-apocalyptic world, but I bet my shoes that Ellie would love his parmesan garlic roasted potatoes, making him happy to remember Sarah loved those too. 

"Joel, these are so fucking delicious!" She says, around a mouthful of the savory potatoes, working another spoonful of them into her mouth. "Promise me..." She swallows. "Promise me you'll make these again."

"Sure, kiddo." He chuckles, pleased with himself, wishing he can make himself stop grinning. "Easy, though. Don't choke on them." This warms his heart.

"Fuck it, I would die for these potatoes!"

#joel the cook #shirtless joel in an apron #joel miller #joel tlou #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie and joel #joellie #joel and sarah #sarah miller #the last of us #tlou #the last of us game #tlou game #elliespuns writes #elliespuns answers

[midgardian-witch]

Good day! Or evening! Or morning! Now that I've covered every part of the day....if you're still doing these...

Prompt 10, please? "*You're* the one avoiding me!"

Werewolf by Night, but make it Three's Company. Oh no! There's been a misunderstanding!

Sorry, I am very exhausted and loopy. And that was a Friends reference to a Three's Company reference. And honestly it's probably only funny to me. 🫠 Thank you for always indulging me. Byeeee.

I watched neither so I am very sorry for not getting those references 😔 But our favorite woof boy + misunderstanding? That I can absolutely do 👍

I did miss seeing you in my inbox lately so I am glad to see you're back for more Jack content! I hope you'll like it 💙

Idiots

tags: a little angst | a little fluff | misunderstandings | established relationship | gn!reader

ships: Jack Russell/Reader

AO3

Edit: added AO3 link

"You're the one avoiding me!"

"Stay away. This is too dangerous for you."

You were mad at him at first. Why couldn’t you stay with him like Ted did? Sure you weren't a supernatural creature that could crush someone's head with your bare hands but you could defend yourself! 

After some self-reflection you figured that maybe Jack was right. He was the werewolf after all. He should know best what could be dangerous for you and what wouldn't. 

You just weren't sure if he wanted to have you around even after the full moon. You tried your best to help around camp and to make things comfortable for Jack when he returned but when he did, he all but crashed back into his sleeping bag without another word. 

He was exhausted. Of course he was. You could only imagine how much energy the transformation must drain from him. So you decided to give him some space, take a walk, maybe forage for some food. 

You were wandering the woods, picking up mushrooms, herbs and other edible plants. You hoped Jack was alright, that he was resting like he should. It was difficult to stay away when all you wanted was to hold him close and take care of him. But he told you to stay away and he did need the rest, the time alone. 

He would find you when he was ready. Jack wouldn't just leave you alone out here.

But what if he wanted you to stay away forever? What if it wasn't just for this past full moon? 

Jack was a mother hen at heart. What if he thought he himself was too dangerous to be around you, not just the wolf? 

With your thoughts spiraling further into darkness you kept walking through the forest almost mechanically, your body on autopilot. 

You didn't even notice the sun setting again over the horizon. 

The only thing that finally pulls you out of your dark musings is someone yelling your name. 

You stop in your tracks and look around. It doesn't take long until you see Jack running in your direction. 

"Mi vida! What are you doing here? The moon is almost up again. You shouldn't be out here alone so late; it's dangerous!" 

You flinch as he says it, the words too close to what he said before, to what drove you into the forest in the first place. 

Jack sees you flinch and freezes, afraid he may have scared you. 

"I'm sorry, mi amor. I'm still a bit agitated from last night."

You shake your head, your teeth worrying your lower lip. He moves closer to you, arms open to signal that he was going to hug you, letting you decide whether or not to let him. You lean into his embrace, the one space you would always feel safe in. 

Jack holds you close, arms tight around your body as if he never wanted to let you go again. 

"Please don't go alone into the wilderness again when it's dark, mi amor. I understand that you want to avoid me but-"

You freeze in his embrace. 

"What? You're the one avoiding me!" 

Jack pulls back only a bit so he can face you. He looks terribly confused. 

"I am not avoiding you, mi vida! You are the one walking into the woods alone away from me."

"Because you were avoiding me! Because you think you're so dangerous and I can’t handle being around a werewolf and- and…"

You look at each other in silence for a few seconds before you both burst out laughing. 

"We are idiots."

Jack nods in agreement, a big grin on his face. 

"Ah yes but we are each other's idiot."

#jack russell/reader #jack russell #jack russell x reader #werewolf by night fanfic #jack russell x you #werewolf by night #fran-writes

[cherrybulbasaur]

arthur raising alfred headcanons bc i needed some gentleness in my life:

-arthur taught alfred how to use a bow like he does after he spotted alfred fiddling with it one evening. alfred is not too good at it and proceeds to get discouraged.

-alfred actually picked up a lot of arthur’s mannerisms in their time living together. i can even imagine the very early stages of talking for alfred actually carries a slight accent similar to arthur’s.

-alfred would always crawl into bed with arthur at night and arthur would act grumpy about it but somehow wake up cuddled up with his little guy :)

-arthur used to gaslight alfred into thinking he put alfred’s preferred amount of sugar (a shit ton) in the lad’s tea every morning. alfred would complain about how bitter it was but then would proceed to believe arthur for years until one evening, decades later, arthur drunkenly confesses his ploy.

-they would playfully mock each other to their other colleagues 24/7

-arthur is very protective over alfred in their first years together. piggybacking off of a hc (of the beloved @myrddin-wylt) i believe that arthur took no chances for alfred to fall ill and risk his death (even though it was inevitable, usually) leading to many scoldings for alfred to wear warm clothes in the winter and making sure alfred didn’t go anywhere alone.

-alfred & arthur however do have many impromptu snowball fights that often leads to alfred getting pelted in the face (several times)

-arthur sews/embroiders alfred’s initials onto all of his jackets, hats, gloves, and sweaters. hell, probably even his good wool socks. this is even better if alfred carried on this habit by learning how to do it himself after the revolution.

-alfred quite enjoyed being sung to sleep by arthur as a young child, however, when he grew older, his bedtime routine preferences soon switched to his favorite game— “how many nation questions can he ask arthur before he gets scolded and his lamp turned off on him?” ex.) “so, why do you claim to hate francis but constantly write letters back and forth?” “why don’t we stop talking for a bit, yeah?”

-they have a lot of fun hunting small game and foraging together. arthur teaches alfred what mushrooms are edible, how to distinguish certain trees by their appearance, helping alfred study animal tracks, etc.

-the two shared a lot of clothes (alfred constantly stole arthur’s clothes off the clothesline & arthur would assume the wind must’ve just took them)

-although it may have been seen as “soft” in their era, both alfred & arthur would say “i love you” to one another. arthur would usually only say it when he was leaving for a few days on business while Alfred would say it almost every waking moment.

-no matter what happened between them, they will both always feel at home when with one another.

#hetalia #aph america #aph england #hws england #hws america #not a ship post :) #arthur being as good as a parent he can be makes me so soft

[pataheart]

Jjjamsch x reader if its aight :333

JAMSCH my favorite uberhero. salutes to you anon here u go 07 this moreso goes with my hcs with jamsch working in the medical field so. yeha

-jamsch, compared to other uberheroes, is more of a doctor foremost. not a doctor in like, the healing uberhero way, but prescribing people medications and such (and also giving people bandaids. and other general doctor stuff). when you first meet them, you find it a /tad/ weird that such a guy who leaks spores and even poison actually helps in the doctorfield -really though, they can contain that with their work when you end up deciding to talk to them (or got hurt badly). jamsch is nice, careful, and gentle with your injury and when everythings done- you dont really. get a lollipop unless you ask for it LOL -outside of work though, jamsch is incredibly friendly as they were at work or in battle. even on the opposite side, they dont have the heart to do anything petty against someone (i imagine before giving someone a status affect they just go "sorry. it isnt personal );" beforehand). although if the two of you end up becoming closer, they miiight try to spread sleeping spores to their own teammates to give you a chance. -instead of flowers, jamsch gives you shrooms. with leaves. theyre always edible, just in case you decide to take a big bite out of them. (they also dont really give them to you in person, often just delivered by another or dropped by your house and such) -also jamsch, as friendly as they can be, iss a bit weird? uberheroes say they talk to the mushrooms by houses, but you find yourself not minding that so much. but it also kinda worries you because they /do/ give you mushrooms as gifts.. -you never really get sick around jamsch oddly enough, even if other uberheroes describe them as "sick all the time". you find yourself sometimes visiting jamsch out of being worried, but a nice cup of tea from them gets you feeling better.

#patapon #jamsch #x reader

[daimonclub]

Quotes and aphorisms on food

Quotes on food Quotes and aphorisms on food by various and famous authors and writers, ideas and thoughts to a well balanced diet and food philosophy to eat and live better. I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. Woody Allen We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. Jeff Arder A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart, who looks at her watch. James Beard Unbought feasts.  (Lat., Dapes inemptae.) Latin Proverb An anonymous man from the 16th century always used to say: "There are many important things in life, the first is eating, I don't know the others." Carl William Brown Hunger is a good cook. Author Unknown Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian; wine and tarragon make it French. Sour cream makes it Russian; lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy sauce makes it Chinese; garlic makes it good. Alice May Brock Eating is touch carried to the bitter end. Samuel Butler One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. Virginia Woolf I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning. John Barrymore Only the pure in heart can make a good soup. Ludwig Van Beethoven

Aphorisms on food Yogi ordered a pizza. The waitress asked How many pieces do you want your pie cut? Yogi responded, Four. I don't think I could eat eight. Yogi Berra Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. Ambrose Bierce The discovery of a new dish does more for human happiness than the discovery of a new star. Anthelme Brillat-Savarin I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid, and my mother made me eat it. I am President of the United States, and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. George H. Bush The healthy stomach is nothing if it is not conservative. Few radicals have good digestions. Samuel Butler I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown What most moved him was a certain meal on beans. Robert Browning I just hate health food. Julia Child Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. Shirley Conran Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. Robert Byrne A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. Lord Byron The right diet directs sexual energy into the parts that matter. Barbara Cartland

Aphorisms and quotes on food It is a difficult matter to argue with the belly since it has no ears. Cato The Elder For its merit I will knight it, and then it will be Sir-Loin. Charles II Thou shouldst eat to live; not live to eat. Marcus T. Cicero Although there is a great deal of controversy among scientists about the effects of ingested food on the brain, no one denies that you can change your cognition and mood by what you eat. Arthur Winter Food = joy ... guilt ... anger ... pain ... nurturing ... friendship ... hatred ... the way you look and feel.... Food = everything you can imagine. Susan Powter Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing. Fran Lebowitz Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soy beans. Fran Lebowitz More die in the United States of too much food than of too little. John Kenneth Galbraith Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly. M.F.K. Fisher Food was always a conduit in our family for storytelling, and it was a way for us to keep in touch and remember things. We're people that use food to keep each other together and to always cheer us up and make all of our days better. Rachel ray My favorite food city is wherever I happen to be eating. You know what they say, love the one you’re with! Pamela Anderson A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. Aesop The soup is never hot enough if the waiter can keep his thumb in it. William Collier The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life. Cyril Connolly

Salami Italian typical food To eat is human, to digest divine. Charles T. Copeland Square meals often make round people. Joseph E. Cossman I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield Let the stoics say what they please, we do not eat for the good of living, but because the meat is savory and the appetite is keen. Ralph Waldo Emerson When a man's stomach is full it makes no difference whether he is rich or poor. Euripides Cheese is milk's leap toward immortality. Cliff Fadiman Roast Beef, medium, is not only a food. It is a philosophy. Seated at Life's Dining Table, with the menu of Morals before you, your eye wanders a bit over the entrees, the hors d'oeuvres, and the things a la though you know that Roast Beef, medium, is safe and sane, and sure. Edna Ferber I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. Totie Fields Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly. M. F. K. Fisher Food has it over sex for variety. Hedonistically, gustatory possibilities are much broader than copulatory ones. Joseph Epstein I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food. Erma Bombeck Food ... is the topmost taper on the golden candelabrum of existence. Donald Barthelme He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle, and herb for the service of man: that he may bring forth food out of the earth; And wine that maketh glad the heart of man, and oil to make his face to shine, and bread which strengtheneth man's heart. Bible, Psalms The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything. Redd Foxx One should eat to live, not live to eat. Benjamin Franklin More die in the United States from too much food that from too little. John Kenneth Galbraith God comes to the hungry in the form of food. Mahatma Gandhi It isn't so much what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs. W. S. Gilbert Meat eaten without either mirth or music is ill of digestion. Sir Walter Scott Mellow nuts have the hardest rind. Sir Walter Scott

Thoughts on the art of food Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. Oscar Wilde We ought to know about our culinary past. Food and identity is terribly important ... I don't mean we should go out and eat historic dishes, but we should know what makes us different ... self-confident nations have that sense of where they come from. Tom Jaine What is food to one, is to others bitter poison. Lucretius Food is much better off the hand than the fork. Mario Batali You can't just eat good food. You've got to talk about it too. And you've got to talk about it to somebody who understands that kind of food. Kurt Vonnegut We need a quarter of the food we eat to live, the rest is used to fatten industrialists, advertisers, doctors and undertakers. (obviously for those dying of hunger the situation changes.) Carl William Brown Food - what is chosen from the possibilities available, how it is presented, how it is eaten, with whom and when, and how much time is allotted to cooking and eating it - is one of the means by which a society creates itself and acts out its aims and fantasies. Margaret Visser There is such a thing as food and such a thing as poison. But the damage done by those who pass off poison as food is far less than that done by those who generation after generation convince people that food is poison. Paul Goodman A gourmet is just a glutton with brains. Phillip H. Haberman Jr. As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it. Buddy Hackett A store of grain, Oh king is the best of treasures. A gem put in your mouth will not support life. Hitopadesa First rule of Economics 101: our desires are insatiable. Second rule: we can stomach only three Big Macs at a time. Doug Horton Most of us are either too thin to enjoy eating, or too fat to enjoy walking. Edgar Watson Howe A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. Kin Hubbard A man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does of his dinner. Samuel Johnson He who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else. Samuel Johnson He who cannot eat horsemeat need not do so. Let him eat pork. But he who cannot eat pork, let him eat horsemeat. It's simply a question of taste. Nikita S. Khrushchev Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may diet. Harry Kurnitz I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee. Burt Lancaster The most dangerous food to eat is a wedding cake. Author Unknown

Quotes on food and wine Food is our common ground, a universal experience. James Beard The fact is that this generation - yours, my generation ... we're the first generation that can look at poverty and disease, look across the ocean to Africa and say with a straight face, we can be the first to end this sort of stupid extreme poverty, where in the world of plenty, a child can die for lack of food in it's belly. Bono The act of putting into your mouth what the earth has grown is perhaps your most direct interaction with the earth. Frances Moore Lappe Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. Fran Lebowitz Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz If you're going to America, bring your own food. Fran Lebowitz Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. Fran Lebowitz I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. Joe E. Lewis If there were only turnips and potatoes in the world, someone would complain that plants grow the wrong way. Georg C. Lichtenberg Everything you see I owe to spaghetti. Sophia Loren Choose rather to punish your appetites than be punished by them. Tyrius Maximus It ain't what you eat, but the way how you chew it. Delbert McClinton You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread. Henry Miller Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy We are digging our graves with our teeth. Thomas Moffett Lunch kills half of Paris, supper the other half. Charles De Montesquieu No man is lonely while eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. Christopher Morley You needn't tell me that a man who doesn't love oysters and asparagus and good wines has got a soul, or a stomach either. He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed. Hector Hugh Munro He that eats till he is sick must fast till he is well. Hebrew Proverb There is only one thing harder than looking for a dewdrop in the dew, and that is fishing for a clam in the clam chowder. New England Proverb

Vegetarian food pyramid Want to learn to eat a lot? Here it is: Eat a little. That way, you will be around long enough to eat a lot. Anthony Robbins We know that ever woman wants to be thin. Our images of womanhood are almost synonymous with thinness. Susie Orbach We may find in the long run that tinned food is a deadlier weapon than the machine-gun. George Orwell Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody. Samuel Pepys Make food a very incidental part of your life by filling your life so full of meaningful things that you'll hardly have time to think about food. Peace Pilgrim He who eats alone chokes alone. Arabian Proverb It's better that it should make you sick than that you don't eat it at all. Catalan Proverb Don't dig your grave with your knife and fork. English Proverb A good meal ought to begin with hunger. French Proverb Appetite comes with eating; the more one has, the more one would have. French Proverb There is no such thing as a pretty good omelette. French Proverb Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as love. Turkish Proverb When one has tasted it he knows what the angels eat. Mark Twain He who is a slave to his stomach seldom worships God. Saadi I have found it to be the most serious objection to coarse labors long continued, that they compelled me to eat and drink coarsely also. Henry David Thoreau There is nothing to which men, while they have food and drink, cannot reconcile themselves. George Santayana To eat is to appropriate by destruction. Jean-Paul Sartre Eating is not merely a material pleasure. Eating well gives a spectacular joy to life and contributes immensely to goodwill and happy companionship. It is of great importance to the morale. Elsa Schiaparelli He jests at scars that never felt a wound. William Shakespeare There is no love sincerer than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw

Ideas and quotes on food Seven's a banquet nine a brawl. Author Unknown Worthless people love only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live. Socrates For much of the female half of the world, food is the first signal of our inferiority. It lets us know that our own families may consider female bodies to be less deserving, less needy, less valuable. Gloria Steinem Lunch is for wimps. Oliver Stone Man shall not live by bread alone. The Holy Bible Put a knife to thy throat, if you're a man given to appetite. The Holy Bible Much meat, much disease. Author Unknown Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator. Phyllis Diller Do not arouse disdainful mind when you prepare a broth of wild grasses; do not arouse joyful mind when you prepare a fine cream soup. Dogen A good, honest, wholesome, hungry breakfast. Izaak Walton Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks. Lin Yutang Find out more visiting these links: Good food for your diet (With Videos) Vegetarian food diets (With Videos) Thoughts and reflections on food Aforismi e citazioni sul cibo International and Italian recipes Enogastronomia e turismo Italian recipes, fashion and travels https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/collection/easy https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes http://allrecipes.com/recipes/1947/everyday-cooking/quick-and-easy/ http://www.sjana.com/blogs/lifestyle/food-for-the-soul Cooking traditions in Lombardy, Italy Read the full article

#advices #aphorisms #balanced #banquet #Bierce #biscuits #Brown #Butler #cake #cheese #cooking #cooks #diet #digestion #experience #feast #fish #food #happiness #hunger #meal #Meat #philosophy #pleasure #proverbs #pyramid #quotes #recipes #refrigerator #soup

[hellsitechoosesitsownadventure]

Tumblr feels the urge to share a bottle of wine with Drake, but decides it’s best to save it for later. Using their Earthen pillar spell they form a staircase back to the surface.

Drake grabs a few bottles of wine, shove them into his satchel— and by a few, I mean, like five or six, the satchel barely contained all of them. And he grabbed another, holding it in his off hand.

When they surface from the cellar the midday sun was blinding. Tumblr notices what they think is a faint aura emanating from the bottles, they shake their head slightly, and the effect fades like a morning fog. Just dust and mold from the cellar.

The two make their way back to the farm house, picking mushrooms along the way. When they arrive back only Vaylii and Bristkruv had returned. They were set with three game fowl, and a bag of wild tubers.

Hendral and Feldspar are the next to return, with little to show for, main mushrooms as well.

“Welcome back!”

Reimú and Shurmalg returned much later, absolutely disheveled, and with nothing to contribute. Shurmalg was more talkative then previously, stammering about how difficult it was to differentiate between poisonous and edible mushrooms. Reimú’s amber skin was aglow, and he was avoiding eye contact, but his pupils were huge, and he was staring at the fire burning in the hearth.

Drake presents the bottles, almost giddy. “Tonight we shall be drunk and merry!”

Reimú’s glow fades as he stares with abject horror. He responds, all too quickly, “I abstain as someone keep guard, who where the crown lurks.”

“Praise be yours, Reimú! Ever diligent, and more wine for myself!” Drake rejoices, “it is blackberry! My favorite.”

#hellsite chooses its own adventure #choose your own adventure #alcohol

[mushroom-punk]

give me the cool mushroom facts.

publicly.

hey! sorry this took me so long to answer, i wanted to fact check everything. mushrooms were very important in early toaism, specifically lingzhi or reishi mushrooms, which appear in illustrations along side Chinse poets and politicians like Tao Yuanming. i have a dried reishi mushroom, its very cool and on the larger end of edible mushrooms. my favorite type of mushroom are probably the oyster mushrooms (there's lots of different types), because not only are they yummy and able to break down plastic , they're also hunters! that's right, my favorite mushroom fact, some fungi are active hunters. because oyster mushrooms feed on decaying wood, they need another source to get nitrogen since wood has very little. so to supplement their diets, oyster mushroom feed on a small type of worm called the nematode. the mushroom emits a chemical that tricks the worm into thinking there's food nearby, and when it gets close the mushroom snares it with its hyphae. then, the worm is paralyzed and hypae are sent throughout it, essentially decomposing it from the inside out.

uhhhhh i also like this fact but couldn't get another source for it - in his book Entangled Life, Merlin Sheldrake states that there's been cases of people eating shitaki mushrooms, developing allergic reactions to them, but then their stomachs developing allergic reactions to their own insides because the cells of shitaki mushrooms are so chemically similar to that of human's.

thank you for asking!

#fungi tag

[astronomical-bagel]

I want to know about the mushrooms tell me more about mushrooms

AGFHGJN YESSSSSSSSSS I WILL SHOW YOU MY TOP 5 FAVORITE MUSHROOMS. FEATURING: LOTS OF EXCLAMATION MARKS AND ABOUT 957 WAYS TO MISSPELLL MUSHROOM!! THIS IS ALSO VERY LONG. SORRY. IM NOT ACTUALLY SORRY THIS WAS SOOOO MUCH FUN.

Okay okay okay first of with the most popular one: you know amanita muscaria? the fly agaric or whatever? the one that is THE mushroom? this one?

its like. SUPER deadly. itll give you a high, but it also comes with thinhs like involontary muscle spasms, general stomche problems, amnisea, and can even put you in a coma! and also it will Just Kill you. i like that such a loved and well-known mushroom is actually one of the most deadly. idk exactly why i liek that abt it its just like. not a lot of people realize. even though its so popular.

and the NEXT one is the devil's tooth fungus! it has a lot of names but thats the one im going to call it rn. It does this funkt little things called gluttation, which as far as i know is just the mushroom pushing out excess water. but the COOL thing about it s that hte moisture is thick and sticky due to an anticollagen (helps things not clot) that is a DARK RED. this mushroom is literally so metal it literally looks like its bleeding.

unfortunality it does set off my trypophobia so i cant really look at it for long. but its FUCKING COOL. i also like it EVEN more because, color-wise, its the exact opposite of amanita muscaria! And i like it EVEN MORE because while the amanita is like. thought to be the cutsey mushroom and all that but is SUPER FUCKING DANGEROUS, the Devils Tooth LOOKS all scary and halloween-y but is actually pretty harmless! I mean, it tastes bad and kinda stinks too, but its like. (and youll have to excuse me for anthropomorphizing mushrooms) its like a PERFECT narrative foil to amanita!!! AJGNGGH GOES INSANE!!

the next mushroom, and youll probably recognize this one, is the inky cap mushroom!! this mushroom is another SUPER popular one-- or, at least, its popular in 1. mushroom circles and 2. goth cottagecore circles. my perspective might be a little skewed LMAO. anyways this is also called the "shaggy cap" mcuhroom because when its young it has a pretty white cap with little ruffles on it!! buT! when it gets older! it starts to look like its liquifying, and it starts dripping black "ink"

ISNT IT SOOOO COOL??? this mushroom is my favorite-- at least in terms of aesthics (though devils tooth has GOT to be like. my second favorite bc that is too cool) This muchroom is actually edible! Tje website has it written down as a "nutty, mushroomlike taste" which. tells me absoltuley nothing. But also, and i just found this out 2 minutes ago, appearently you cant drink alcohol for 3 days after eating this!! the effects can go from a stomache ache to a heart attack, dependign on how much of either youve consumed. because of this, its also called 'tippler's bane", which i think is hilarious.

The next mushroom is the ZOMBIE FUNGUS. I was first introduced to this fungus via a nature documentary. it gave me nightmares for weeks and started at LEAST 2 debilitating phobias, but also at least 2 special interests so. i guess?? it evens out?? anyways i LOVE this fungus even though it still terrifies me to this day. This mushroom is called the zombie fungus for good reason: when ants digest it, it takes over the muscle system gradually over the course of a few days, and walks the ant over to a leaf for it to bite onto (exactly 25 cm off the ground, apparently) and then the ant flowers, making another hub of fungus to infect other ants and start the cycle anew. But i need to be absolutley clear here. this ant is still like. alive. its brain is active, but its muscles are moving without its permission. it has literally described by scientists that the fungus was controlling the ant "as a puppeteer controls as a marionette doll". this thing is both corruption and the web. the ant is STILL IN THERE. and one!! how the FUCK is the fungus smart enought to do that?????? What the shit??? How does the fungus tell the ant to move its legs???? hoe does it tell it whre to go??? how is the fungus in the ant communicating with the original fungus?? this mushroom is so scary to me in so many ways but one of the most proniment is that it almost??? seems to be ??? sentient???? i dont know. idk. but i do know is that its SCARY AS FUCKK. im not including a picture of this because i cant stand ants and also. the image of bugs with mushrooms squeezing past their exoskeletons and shooting out of their head is kind of. terrifying.

the last mushroom of the day is called the bitter oyster mushroom! this one is SOOOO cool!!! its special gimmick is BIOLUMINESCENCE, BABEY!!!!!!

ive been obsessed with biolumiencnce for FOREVER, because 1. its fucking cool. who wouldnt be obsessed honestly, and 2. Avatar (2009)!! theres not much more to say on why i like it honestly. its glow in in the dark. its automatically awseome. this mushroom in the daytime is a nice creamy orange color, and grows in shelves along trees and logs! not every strain is bioluminecent, in fact the biolumicent strain specidically does not live on the pacific coast :((((( but ill get to see it one day. one day....

anyways THANK YOU SO MUCH for inviting me to ramble, and ummmm congradulations if you read all of that LMAO. This was a lot of fun and resolidified the fact that I LOVE MUSHROOMS SO MUCH. ok thank you byeee

#trypophobia #blood #ask to tag #astronomical asks #beloved mutuals #myceliums #GOD. MUSHROOMS. COOL.

[wolf-m-the-hybrid]

The Fungus Goddess

A Goddess born from the earth, Florance has been well loved by both gods and mortals. Not only is she kind but she also has a playful spirit. Florance specializes in mushrooms and spores. She has created every single mushroom there is in the world. From edible mushrooms, to mushrooms that revive the dead.

Florance loves mortals. She knew how to live side by side with the mortals of the world. Her favorite were the ants. In fact she loves them so much that she made a special spore for them. To help ants to be connected to Florance. These spores were called, cordyceps. With these spores the ants will be connected to Florance and be able to use, Spore Magic.

The goddess viewed the mortals as her children, even making her own known as the Mushlings. Those who were in The Revival Cult valued the circle of life, compassion, and love. By these words and her personality, Florance was a beloved god. Even to those who weren’t apart of her cult. Such a god inspired a small red frog, who would sing about the goddess to her village.

But one day, Florance became ill with an unknown disease. She became weaker along with her magic. The trees and fungi in Anura began to wither. Using what energy she had, Florance begin to fuse back into the earth, trying to save her home. This got the attention of everyone. Even that small red frog. The frog begged for another way to save Anura. But there was nothing.

“Little Heket… This is the way of life,” Florance said. “Life comes from the earth, become their own person and experience life. Then those lives die, returning to the earth. From there, live returns. Even gods die and birth new life. Just like mushrooms. And that’s ok.” The small frog, though sad, accepted the truth. So, she instead sung to the goddess… One… Last… Time…

Even though Florance has been dead for 3,000 years. She is still respected by those of The Old Faith and beyond. The Old Faith allows The Revival Cult to exist by Heket’s order.

As for Florance’s spirit. Her spirit is in the afterlife for gods. Where she watches her children through her spores and mushrooms.

~~~

What do you guys think about my mushroom goddess? And yes, her hair is supposed to be autumn leaves. I hope that you guys like her!

#cult of the lamb #rainbow crowns #my art #Florance

[house-of-laminations]

(Try try again!) my borthday is very soon, therefore for this week you will only be receiving self indulgence from moiwah~

Not telling the brothers about your birthday. It’s not a very big deal to you, so you just don’t mention it. One morning over breakfast it comes up though.

“Mc.” Lucifer addresses you, nursing a cup of coffee while the others eat, “Your birthday is soon, and I was wanting to know if you had a wishlist of sorts? Or something you’d like to do?”

“Ya birthdays comin? Why didnt ya tell me, human!”

“Ooooo we could have a spa day!! Get our hair and nails done, pics for the gram!”

“How about going to the bookstore and a cafe?”

“Does this mean we get cake?”

“They might want something else Beel- like comfort food.”

“As long as it’s edible.”

“Maybe they just want to stay in and watch anime?”

“Perhaps a private dinner would be better? Smaller.. more peaceful.”

You grumbled as you grabbed a portable mug out of your bag and poured your tea into it, and got up, “I’m not planning on doing anything for my birthday, no need to cause a ruckus.”

There was silence.. before the room started again

“But we haaaave to do something darling! How could we expect you to do so much on our birthdays and not?”

“We don’t have to do something big and flashy.”

“Heck with that! We should make this a festival or somethin- say it’s good for the exchange program.”

“Mammon quit that. If they don’t want a big party it’s quite alright.”

“But with a big party comes lots of food..”

“But it might make them uncomfy Beel.”

“What about just a dinner of your favorite foods? Surely we could get a special import for this.”

“NOPE! I’m quite alright dears. Now off I go!” You quickly rush out of the door, leaving all the brothers looking after you.

~

Getting Diavolo in on a plan was pretty easy once Lucifer got started. Admittedly, Diavolo had taken it a bit far though.

Diavolo had announced a ‘human festival’ in the devildom. Not that there would be more humans, but human things instead. Food, clothing, books, the works. And as a result, Rad was out for most of your birthday week. Upon hearing this, you marched up to Lucifer, “What did you do?”

Lucifer’s study was always a comfortable temperature, the fire never seeming to go out. You watched as his eyes flicked over top the rim of his glasses, “What did I do?”

“A human festival?”

“I believe it was mammon’s idea. Diavolo just liked it.”

You scoffed, “you people are unbelievable. Is it so hard to accept no?"

As you were turning around to leave, your hand was grabbed. Looking over your shoulder, Lucifer was right there, “It won’t be like the others.. I promise.”

Your eyes widened before you forcefully yanked away from him, “Yeah it won’t be. I’ll make sure of that.” As you slammed the door on your way out, Lucifer sighed. Caring for a human was.. bothersome. -🥀

aaaaa yesssssss all the self-indulgent shenanigans! I hope I haven't missed your birthday - but in any case, congrats on making another full lap around the sun!! 💛new high score! And if I may....

. . .

You glance down at the ...thing in front of you. It looks like the cross between a baby crocodile and a mushroom, sized up to be the size of a beach ball, and then had a toddler come through to have its way with it.

"Thanks?" you say, though it comes out more like a question. What is it and why are both very much implied in that one short syllable.

"You're welcome!" Mammon beams, and for a moment you think it would be more appropriate for him to be the avatar of pride rather than greed with the self-satisfied way he's lounging and glancing at you.

The ...thing undulates slightly.

"Did it just move?"

"I would hope so," Asmo sniffs, offended at the mere idea that it wouldn't.

In the background, you can tell Satan is having a lot of fun with your obvious confusion, offering no help or advise. You will be having words with him later.

"Not saying you have to share or anything but I haven't had one in ages," says Beel. Is his mouth watering?

Belphie follows this up with a grimace, "For good reason. They're not the easiest to get your hands on."

You're not sure whether it's something you're supposed to keep, or something you're supposed to eat. Hell, it could be a pet and you would have no idea.

Levi comes barging through, pushing Beel back with a surprising amount of ease. "But it's not for anyone here. It's for you and you alone! We're celebrating you and this is the best thing for it!"

"Happy Birthday," Lucifer finishes, placing a hand on your head.

Still utterly confused with no answers forthcoming, you only smile in response.

Later that evening, while you're alone in your room, a soft voice interrupts your thoughts.

"It's the soul of a phoenix," says Satan, sitting down on the edge of your bed. You scooch over to make room for him, and he complies, lifting his legs so that he's lounging on top of the covers.

"The, present, I mean," he clarifies.

"I don't think you realize how little that clears things up," you huff, leaning your head on his shoulder.

There's a few minutes of silence as Satan plays with your hair, seemingly content with keeping you in the dark. Eventually though, he shifts so that he's facing you. He makes sure you're meeting his eyes as he speaks.

"It's the key ingredient for a very rare, very old, very dangerous ritual."

You lean in, unable to help yourself when he's this close and intense. You only just manage to stop a hair's breadth away from his face.

"And what does this ritual do?" you ask.

"It creates a cycle. Death of the flesh, followed by rebirth - all around the same soul. In essence, it grants one-"

He doesn't finish because this is when you've closed that gap, kissing him softly and sweetly. Well, it starts that way at least.

But you don't need him to finish that sentence. Not when you realize the enormity of what you've been given. The opportunity.

#🥀 anon #obey me #obey me fic #obey me satan #HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIEND!!!! #ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS I WISH UPON YOU!!! #i talk to a real human

[madmushlove]

Daedalea quercina Oak maze polypore

I’m fond of mushrooms that appear ordinary at first only to reveal some secret on closer inspection.

Some of my favorites with this secret lovely feature include split gills and violet tooth polypore.

Daedalea quercina is another that only reveals itself to those who look hard.

The first time I paid any close attention to these shelf fungi was in January.  Winter is a fun time for me.  I like a challenge, and winter can be a tough one for fungi lovers.

Yes, there are some edible mushrooms that grow in winter.  Also deadly Galerina. But it’s the perfect time to brush up on your heartier polypores and crust fungi also.

Everything slows down in winter, but nothing stops.

Maybe I was a little desperate, and that’s why I finally took a close look at the underside of these inconspicuous polypores.  They were waiting for me, and I was mesmerized by the meandering labyrinth of their fertile surface.

They are a little lighter in color in the summer.  Like their name suggests, they love oak trees and feast happily on hefty fallen oak logs or standing dead trees.

I came across some the other day and couldn’t have enough pictures.  They sure were photogenic.

#mushrooms #fungi #fungi photography #mycology #ecology #hiking #nature #nature photography #forest #woodlands #biology #foraging #fantastic fungi

[devian235]

Is Eating Junk Food Once a Day Healthy

Junk foods

For what reason do we ache for rich, crunchy, singed dishes that cause swelling waistlines, more elevated cholesterol and rising pulse? Since they taste great! Peruse on for the 9 most exceedingly terrible food sources you’re eating and the sound substitutes to go after when you simply need to enjoy…

Worst Junk Food #1: Ice Cream

Ah, ice cream. The source of many tummy aches and dessert hangovers. Junk Foods I’ve heard ice cream is the best flavor ever, but sometimes ice cream can do more damage than good. People love ice cream so much, and so readily, that some see it as a “treat” all the time. This is a mistake! Drinking a lot of ice cream does not count as healthy, healthy-sounding, indulgent behavior. Ice cream has the highest levels of fat per ounce of any food, no matter what shape or flavor it is. The sugar, lactose, and calories you eat from ice cream make up all of the nutrition you get from it, and it’s way too high in calories for someone to truly be able to enjoy ice cream. With regular ice cream, you’ll lose nearly all of the benefits of regular ice cream if you eat it every day.

Worst Junk Food #2: French Fries

It’s almost impossible to go past the deliciously crispy, white-grey skin that surrounds fries, it’s as iconic as the cheese sauce and aubergine ketchup combo found on a chips dinner. If you crave French fries and are not ready to take the health leap, ask the restaurant for a side of steamed green vegetables. You can eat them with some dipping sauce on the side for an easy alternative.

Healthy Substitutions:

Mushrooms. Roasted, chopped mushrooms – they’re also a great source of fiber and protein. Add them to your daily diet and keep snacking healthy! Beans. They can be washed and eaten as is with your favorite dip. Cashew.

Worst Junk Food #3: Donuts

Donuts are another example of good tastes being sacrificed for money-making. They are not healthy and are very bad for you. Junk Foods The fat content is around 16g per donut and the sugar content in the Krispy Kreme variety is around 10g per donut. A donut is essentially nothing more than a giant hole in the middle of a pastry and it’s so much better for you to make your healthy cakes and muffins at home instead of buying them. Here are some more tips for healthier donuts:

Use a healthier source of butter such as sunflower oil rather than margarine (margarine is only 2.

Worst Junk Food #4: Granola Bars

They’re everywhere. As seen on television, seen on the internet, in every store I visit.

A granola bar is a portion of basic, dehydrated breakfast food. And as you know, they’re not so bad, except that, well, they’re disgusting. I mean, even if you’re healthy, there is nothing particularly healthy about them.

One serving (just one granola bar, mind you) has a whopping five grams of sugar, a whopping 60 grams of fat, and almost 150 calories, making it a quick meal for the whole family and a diabetic’s nightmare.

As you can see, you would have to eat 13,500 granola bars to get to 1 gram of saturated fat. That is not a formula for great wellbeing.

So why do we keep eating them? We think they taste good.

Granola bars are nothing more than mini, frozen candy bars.

Worst Junk Food #5: Pizza

I’ll just come out and say it: pizza is the foulest junk food ever created. I’ve tried to make my own. I’ve tried the Quorn Pizza Crust (and it’s delicious). I’ve tried tofu pizza. I’ve tried the M&S version. None of them compare to that warm, cheesy, delicious pizza that’s been lovingly cooked in front of you by an actual pizza delivery man.

But why?

There is just no reason for it. Junk Foods It’s doughy, unhealthy, filling, delicious, and devoid of any redeeming qualities. Eat a regular pizza. It’s edible, it’s fine. But eat a Domino’s? You’re an idiot and you’re going to get fat.

The final piece of the pizza-pizza-pizza jigsaw puzzle is garlic bread. This stuff just sits on your plate like a disease waiting to consume the entire plate.

Worst Junk Food #6: Cookies

A survey by the ‘Daily Mail’ has revealed that one in five Brits has the awful habit of eating four or more cookies a day. Junk Foods Fortunately, several suitable substitutes exist in the form of low-calorie desserts and healthy breakfast cereals.

Raisin, oat, plain, gluten-free oats, rice, millet, quinoa, and buckwheat – all great choices if you’re on a health kick and can’t quite imagine nibbling a whole bag of junk food cookies in one sitting. Check out this rather delicious recipe from Diabetes UK for low-sugar wholewheat oatcakes and this Quinoa Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe from Australian food writer Candice Kumai.

Worst Junk Food #7: Sandwich Wraps

Hand-wrapped sandwich wraps have become a huge thing over the last few years. A perfect blend of convenience food, a reliable and cost-effective lunch option, sandwich wraps are one of the most popular lunch items for office workers across the globe.

I think that these tasty lunch items are the epitome of all things unhygienic, unhealthy, and lacking in taste.

But as long as you pack your wraps in a reusable bag to take home with you, you can indulge yourself with a “healthy” sandwich wrap.

Don’t miss: The 6 Perfect Lunch Wraps To Cook At Home For Last-Minute Meal Prep

Cutting the middle-man (on calories) and relying on homemade lunch wraps can be the easiest and most tasty way to keep your waistline trim while keeping your wallet happy read more...

#weightloss #lose weight #goal weight #weight gain #weightlifting #weight #weightwatchers