#anyways i'm gonna do that research now

[man-made-object]

i just realized that i can like. buy a new binder now. also packing underwear. my little strap harness that isn't even an inch wide has never done shit for me anyways

#honestly don't need a new packer #sure the color's faded but it already makes me hyper aware of how it looks/feels #don't need a second one that might be even bigger #the other shit tho. yeah. yeah i'm gonna do some research #like i haven't done research already but it's been a while lmao #division.txt #might even get myself a treat 👀 #it's a secret to everyone but me #but god i hope it fits :( #also yeah by strap harness i don't mean like. A Strap #there's a little pocket for my packer (it barely fits in it) and there's one strap that goes around my waist #that's it. that's all it is. it sucks #anyways i'm gonna do that research now

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

light found misa’s bra (wip that i’m not going to finish)

#death note #light yagami #i'm having the opposite of art block right now called i want to draw so many things so much rn that i literally cannot finish them all #and also i have to be preparing for the events next month and also my summer classes start in a few days and i'm apparently also writing #a fic and i'm being overwhelmed with all of the artistic visions i'm having which is so great i love being able to do so much art but man #i have like. school. and i need to apply for my masters when my professors will finally answer their emails abt letters of recommendation #and i also might be joining a dnd campaign? and u do not want to know how many hours a day i've been spending on research for a few #projects and ack i wanted to start a sewing project this summer so i could better understand smth ahhh i have a lot going on but tbh #i'm having fun. anyway enjoy this idk when i'm gonna have more stuff here bc a lot of the shit i'm working on is for the june/july events #just looked at a calender june and july are not that far away. what. #anyway anyway i headcanon that after light kills L and he and misa live together she realizes that she's trans okay bye

[13thdoodle]

bunch of Phantasy AU doodles n wip from earlier this year

Basically I just found out this year that ball-jointed dolls actually have strings in them and not just... magically attached by the ball joints themselves? And 31 in this AU is a ball jointed doll that were made out of Danny's energy so here we are :3c

I've been watching a lot of doll customization since earlier this year and found out from dollightful's video that no they are all connected by elastic strings inside so that's where the idea came from

...i was looking on google to find a good example to put here and clearly I'm not exactly paying attention to how the main body strings are actually.. pinned to?

the video I've been watching the most is dollightful n moonlight jewel and they have their bjd usually only to the bottom of the doll head instead of all the way to the top on the skull pin like the diagram above

Which is why 31 has his strings all connected to the 'heart' in the middle instead of the head kasjdnkasjnd

But yeah uhhh specifics aside...

----

Those ball jointed dolls made me think of 31, and then thinking about the clones in Phantasy AU and like.. the logistic of it

for 31, the idea is that during the circus gothica arc for this AU, Danny actually got kidnapped all the whole way into another universe/plane in which he met Valeska (Enn's oc) who unalive what his face the circus leader n break Danny's hypnosis

and now that Danny is essentially stuck in a whole other plane/realm/or sth he just following Valeska hoping she'll help him find his way back.

In one such trip, Danny got kidnapped (again) by another group/cult who wanted to use his power/energy as a gate keeper to the ghost zone to make their own gate keeper so they can open portals to ghost zones and maybe other realms too

31 is part of the experiments. He's a doll made with part of Danny's energy as his core.

And then it's.. uhh.. sth sth Valeska finally found out where they kept Danny and devour everyone there safe from Danny n 31 who helped him escape so now the three of them travel together~

The last pict is me thinking about clones and kingdom hearts :tm: so dramatic about Danny being the soul separated from the main body and 31 a clone made from part of the soul too and all that Not sure where I'm going with that but it do sound cool

And there's also Danielle but I'm not exactly sure.. how she would fit in? but it would be interesting if she was made from Danny's body somehow

so 31 made from part of teh soul and Dani from part of the body sounds poetic somehow

#13thdoodle #dp phantasy au #dp fantasy au #dp 31 #if u noticed that I've been putting some read more lately #it's bc one of the school project is to document all your progresses in a doc including all ur research and fails and what not #and basically i'm trying to make it into a habit by doing it here too #like.. no harm done i think in putting up what inspired me and where ideas came from #n what rambling about things #yall follow me here so i assume ur interested a lil bit about me rambling my ideas n such #i put them under readmore specifically bc I know how long I can go on #and like the main thing about documentation is to be transparent about it #u learn from ur failures n ur successes n this is one way to track them #if u fcked up figure out where how and why and what u can learn from it n then improve from said fail so yea anyway #but yea i been trying to keep things short n clean so it look nice before #but i got a p good grade for documenting everything last tri so now I'm well actually I DO have a lot to say about things #so heree i am #am i gonna be more active tho that would be a whole different topic all together bc ha ha capstone qwq

[bromcommie]

(alt title) bucky: i think im in love dum dum: that whole ass dyke would eat you alive, barnes bucky, dreamily: and i love her for that. solidarity, sister

Rating: T Word count: 2,574 Tags: Captain America: The First Avenger, World War II, Humour (somehow, despite the previous tag), Howling Commandos, A Very Fictional Marlene Dietrich, Historically Questionable Depictions of Military Tents Excerpt:

"I dunno – something a bit boyish about her, Buck," Dugan muses. Bucky gawks, lowering the shaving brush, and he really can’t decide what’s more ridiculous: the disproportionately outraged expression Bucky’s sporting or the lather still covering half of his face, seemingly forgotten and melting down his neck with alarming rapidity. “Boyish? Get outta here.” Oh, Steve thinks with a familiar level of exasperated fondness, here we go.

*leaving this at tumblr's doorstep like it's my beloved first born child I just don't know how to deal with* how the fuck do y'all post these all the time when it's so stressful.

Anyway! First time posting on AO3, so here's a ficlet about the Howlies and Marlene Dietrich because I kept banging my head against a wall trying to figure out the timeline of the much, much larger fic this is supposed to be a part of, lol.

#I fell down the rabbithole of researching WW2 staff and officer tents for an hour. again. needless to say that it was not necessary #steve rogers #bucky barnes #howling commandos #ca: tfa #captain america: the first avenger #fanfic #my fic #how do you TAG these #that's not a rhetorical question if somebody has any fucking pointers I have no clue what I'm doing here #anyway. gonna go jump into a very deep hole now goodnight

[asshuka]

I ACCIDENTALLY DELOETED THE OG POST heres m-my take on neru append (trying to not cry)

kofi | patreon | commissions | more linkz

#vocaloid #vocasynth #fanloid #akita neru #neru akita #fanart #colored #artwork #2022 #im so mad at myself i was cleaning out the bump reblogs but ig i'm not used to have new art posts in the same month :''''''')) #og post had 43 notes which is a lot for me cries #ANYWAY... gonna try my best to retain the details i shared on da tags of that post #design is part based on existing append designs and inspired by y2k tech!! that reminds me the append concept only existed for miku and #kagamines omf apparently a lot of people don't feel the same as me and there was backlash so append didn't continue #you can't see much of it in half body size but i sprinkled in internet modem elements also #i wanted to do transparent electronics for her hands but idk how to draw circuits and stuff so they're just translucent plastic #and her tie is a digital display based on the LG lollipop! #incidentally i went on a dumbphone research spree for different reasons after this and now i really want to design a whole phone for her #anywae i dont expect this post to get the same number of notes but it's important to keep stuff archived on my blog o(-----<

[lesbeid0u]

#Methinks I may be cupioromantic #I was talking to my friend after we got back from aniboston and somehow the topic of conversation changed to our orientations #And I was explaing to them how I don't think I've ever actually like. Loved someone romantically/been capable of loving someone romanticall #But I still wanna be in a relationship and they were like #'King I think u may be on the ace spectrum' #And then I fell victim to the 4am Thoughts and started doing some reflecting/research and damn #Wouldn't You Fucking Know It #Hoenstly tho it feels so fucking freeing knowing that there's a name for how I feel #Bc I thought I was like. Broken or some shit for the longest time bc no matter how much I tried #I could never manage to force myself into having feelings for someone irl #And idk maybe I'm not actually ace/on the ace spectrum and I'm just falling victim to the 'you haven't found the right person' mentality #But like I genuinely do not/could not see myself falling in love with someone yet I do still want to feel loved romantically #Anyway #These are 4am thoughts at 5pm so I'm not gonna dwell on them too much #If you've made it this far in the tags and have any words of advice about this shit lmk #Thanks for reading. And now it's time for the breaking news #My mom has beef with one of the stray cats in out backyard bc she thinks he's a bad influence on his children #Also one of his kids looks Just Like Grim Twistedwonderland and I'm getting making that his Halloween costume this year hehe

[unsettlingcreature]

Slowly reconfiguring my altar space but I'm gently adding Halloween decorations as September passes and October approaches, I'm personally obsessed with the little ghost lights. Anyway I don't have a dedicated sideblog for this stuff anymore so I'm just slapping it on main :)

#witchblr #taking a break was so good for me because now im getting back into the flow of it? im realising how my beliefs and shit have shifted #still going to gently worm my back into witchcraft like. im not gonna do any blots or anything for a good while #and figure out ONCE MORE what actually works with my practice #like do i WANT divination to be part of my craft? or do i just feel like i have to #like when was the last time i touched my tarot or my runes or my oracle deck or my pendulum? even before my break? #and when it comes to deitywork. is that something i can commit to? has my time with Loki come to a close? lots of questions to ask. #and also do i really want to keep a grimoire/bos? because im too much of a perfectionist for it #and the stuff i do regularly are in my head. if I'm doing something different then I'm going to use other books as research points #idk theres a lot to think about. maybe I'll just ponder the wizard and stop sweating the details lmao #you'd think i had this shit figured out after over a decade but fuckin nooooppppeeeee #anyway witchcraft is always a journey and there's always more to learn and experience #its easy to say that shit but harder to accept it #ALSO LOKI LIVES IN MY BEDROOM I AINT EVER GONNA HIDE HIM AWAY #i cherish all the time spent with a deity and appreciate them for being there during that part of my life #just like with hecate before its ok if my time with loki is over. it is what it is. its not sad its something to look fondly on

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#not having a great time today after my mom commented on my interests #i'm a person that is interested in shit i don't know this is why i'm very likely to follow disabled youtubers #in my time i have watched molly burke. multiplicityandme and a collection of autistic youtubers (guess why lol) #and my mom made a quite patronizing comment about how i ''take on causes'' by learning about stuff #and/or supporting fun and interesting youtube channels #but anyways it sucks even more because on her comment she made it clear (once again) that she doesn't believe me when i say #i might be autistic. and it fucking sucks! #because when i first talked to her about it even I didn't know much about it. i was just starting to do my research #and i was trying to make sense of things still but she dismissed it #but now that i do know more and things do make more sense #i can't even bring it up because the fact that i have been watching a lot of youtubers talk about autism will make her think #i'm just trying to be like them... which is stupid #but it's also the reason i didn't tell her that my best friend in my teens was trans. because i was trying to figure shit out myself #and telling her he was trans and then a bit later that i am as well was going to make her go ''everyone's trans now blah blah'' #and dismiss that as well... but now i'm trapped in the same thing about autism lol #and her stupid loophole of a dismissal isn't just by saying ''no you're not autistic'' it's saying this like ''well MAAAAYBE you COULD be #but that doesn't mean anything and it doesn't matter and why would you want a diagnosis if it's not gonna change anything'' #same thing as her whole ''sure you're a man but why do you have to look and act differently? YOU know who YOU are #who cares what others think?'' in a don't transition way #like that's so stupid! #dkfjhkdfhkdfg #i'm angry and i feel trapped #i have figured out a little bit ago that i don't stim near as enough as i need to BECAUSE i live in the same house as her #and the idea of ear defenders and other stuff like that is very appealing but i can't do that while she's around to judge #and IN PUBLIC?! that's unthinkable!! #i still remember the time she threatened with not going out with me (to the supermarket) because I commited the huge crime of #buttoning the top button of my button up shirt.... #that's it. that was the whole reason.. she thought i looked ridiculous and she didn't want to be seen with me... #imagine if i wear ear defenders out... #not gonna risk it lol

[keelanrosa]

terfs when a study shows literally anything positive about trans people/transitioning: 'hm i think this requires some fact-checking. Were those researchers REALLY unbiased? Because if they were biased this doesn't count and if they weren't knowingly biased they probably were unconsciously biased, woke media affects so much these days. Have there been any other studies on this? Because if there haven't been this could be an outlier and if there have been and they all agree that's a bit odd, why aren't there any outliers, and if there have been and any disagree we really won't know the truth until we very thoroughly analyze them all, will we? Were there enough subjects for a good sample size? Did every single subject involved stay involved through the whole study because if they didn't we should be sure nothing shady was going on resulting in people dropping out. Are we 110% sure all the subjects were fully honest and at no point were embarrassed or afraid to admit they didn't love transitioning to the people in charge of their transition? Are we 110% sure none of the subjects were manipulated into thinking they were happy with their transition? In fact we should double-check what they think with their parents, because if the subjects and their parents disagree it's probably because they've been manipulated but their cis parents have not and are very unbiased. How many autistic subjects were there because if there weren't enough then this doesn't really study the overlap between autistic and trans and if there were too many then we just don't know enough about what causes that overlap to be sure this study really explains being trans and isn't just about being autistic. How many AFAB subjects were there because if there weren't enough this is just another example of prioritizing AMAB people and ignoring the different struggles of girls and women and if there were too many how do we know sexism didn't affect the results. Was the study double-blinded? We all know double-blinded is the most reliable so if this one wasn't that's a point against it even if the thesis literally physically could not be double-blinded. Look i'm not being transphobic, i want what's best for trans people! Really! But as a person who is not trans and therefore objective in a way they cannot possibly be, i just think we should only take into account Good Science here. You want to be following science and not being manipulated or experimented upon by something unscientific, right?'

terfs when they see a study of 45 subjects so old it predates modern criteria for gender dysphoria and basically uses 'idk her parents think she's too butch', run by a guy who practiced conversion therapy, 'confirmed' by a guy who treated the significant portion of subjects who didn't follow up as all desisting, definitely in the category of 'physically cannot double-blind this', completely contradicted by multiple other studies done on actual transgender subjects, but can be kinda cited as evidence against transitioning if you ignore everything else about it: 'oOOH SEE THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKIN BOUT. SCIENCE. Just good ol' unbiased thorough analysis. I see absolutely no reason to dig any deeper on this and if you think it's wrong you're the one being unscientific. It's really a shame you've been so thoroughly brainwashed by the trans agenda and can't even accept science when you see it. Maybe now that someone has finally uncovered this long-lost study from 1985, we can make some actual progress on the whole trans problem.'

#science #transphobia #cass review #less 'cass review' generally more 'zucker specifically' because this same problem exists outside cass #have lost count of the number of times i've seen 'well THAT study may have said most trans kids persist but it MUST be wrong' #'there's another study says the exact opposite. that one's right. obviously.' #but cass is why i'm annoyed by it now #normally i don't have a problem with critical observations and questions. yeah check your science! that's good! #there have been some bullshit studies and some bullshit interpretations of good studies! scientific literacy is important! #and normally also am willing to pretend the people pulling reaction 1 on some studies and reaction 2 on others are. not the same group. #but now there's a ton of cass supporters tryna say 'oh the cass review didn't reject or downplay anything for being pro-trans!' #'some studies just weren't given much weight for being poor evidence! not our fault those were all studies with results trans people like!' #…….………….aight explain why zucker's findings are used for the 'percentage of trans kids who don't stay trans' stat instead of anyone else's. #would've been more scientifically accurate to say 'yeah we just don't know.' #'studies have been done but none of them fit our crack criteria sooooo *shrug*' #like COME ON at least PRETEND you're genuinely checking scientific correctness and not looking for excuses to weed out undesirable results #am also mad about zucker in particular because his is possibly the most famous bullshit study #quite bluntly if you're doing trans research and think 'yeah this one seems reasonable' you. are maybe not well-informed enough for the job #there's just no way you genuinely look at the research with an eye toward accurate science regardless of personal bias #and walk away thinking 'hm that zucker fellow seems reasonable. competent scientists will respect that citation.' #that's one or two steps above doing a review of vaccine science and seriously citing wakefield's mmr-causes-autism study #it doesn't matter what the rest of your review says people are gonna have OPINIONS on that bit #and outside anti-vaxxers most of those opinions will be 'are you actually the most qualified for this because ummmm.' #people who agree with everything else will still think someone more competent could've done a much better job #people who disagree with everything else will point to that as proof you don't know shit and why should we listen to you #anyway i'd love a hugeass trans science review with actual fucking standards hmu if you know of one cause this ain't it #……does tumblr still put a limit on how many tags you can include guess me and my tag essay are about to find out.

[imyourcomputergame]

Her name is Esther

#Haven't posted her redesign properly. I'm still not happy with the colours and details but its okayyyy #Anyway I finished the writing part of my research proposal today now all I need to do is design how it's gonna look 😮‍💨 #esther #nnroc #nnrart

[bonesrbleaching]

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

#lolaa.txt #what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!' #'i wouldnt lie to you!' #okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time. #its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa #also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!' #yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up. #i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men #and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man #so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up. #and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face #that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense. #shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin #you dont have to worry about anyone else. #im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to #never really have #im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are #if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box #then when would you have any space for self discovery #youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats #and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that. #and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names #and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy #and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares. #and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look? #then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness. #SORRY RANT OVER. #im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric. #tw homophobia #tw transphobes

[sygneth]

.

#rant time #trying to figure myself out but this shit fucking impossible #only recetly i realised that half of my problems is probably undiagnosed adhd #but something tells me it may be asd and adhd together #although adhd traits are much more prominent in my case and looking at asd diagnostic criteria they don't fully apply but AGAIN #it looks to me more like they don't apply because adhd things come in way? like the typical spontaniety fucking question yeah #ughh i wish there was more audhd proper info because i'm going crazy trying to put this all together #i am planning to get adhd diagnosis as soon as i gather money and i could possibly try to get asd too but #a. good fucking luck getting a proper asd diagnosis as an adult trans dude in PL lmao #b. good fucking luck trying to find a place that does crossdiagnosis #well i'll try anyway but until i get a job i'm like. stuck with it in my own head #and as far as i feel like i probably won't get anywherw further with figuring this out on my own i can't. Fucking. Stop. Thinking about it. #my brain decided this is a Main Theme TM now and will make me do the research until we get sure that's It ot that's Not It #i... i'm tired. #not even gonna tag this as personal post because i just wanted to scream into the void thb

[thelaststarfalling]

just once i'd like to complete one (1) bigger project that i can actually be proud of

#hrrrrg met with my advisor for my thesis and it's Not Great!! #idk how i always manage to set myself up for failure #struggled so much with thinking of a specific thing to write about so now i have this super broad paper about everything which essentially #amounts to writing about nothing #cuz that's not how history works you can't just make a huge argument like that (at least not without much more extensive research than ive #done) #and im not saying anything novel or interesting anyway #but i already have a whole semester of work dumped into this thing so neither my advisor nor myself wants me to tear it apart and start fro #scratch #there definitely wouldn't be time to do that anyway #so now it's just gonna be yet another thing where i have no confidence in it while working on it and just eke out an end product thats #decent enough to satisfy others while i know inwardly that its really not good #the professor for the capstone class last semester said the paper was good and i was in a good spot to finish it this semester #but this is the first time my actual advisor has really looked at it and hes confirming all of the doubts i had about it :(((( #agh itll ultimately be fine i just wish i could do something to justify the 'oh youre such a good student!' im really not!!!!!!!! #i have no idea what i'm doing!!!!!! #p

[zippers]

shout out to high school "reverse bicurious" "cis woman" me who just thought trans people in antiquity were fascinating and did my Latin IA on trans/gnc romans so now when I'm making lesson plans for my actual job teaching about gay and trans romans i literally just have a document from 2016 called "Gender links" that cites whole books with relevant quotes and summaries and even better, my own translations of primary sources.

thank you pre-burnout me!!!! for doing the leg work as an "ally"!!!!

#everything in my life was foreshadowing me being gay and trans #from my warrior cat name being gaypaw on the playground to me wanting to prove i was straight so bad i faked an interest in latin only to #discover i was obsessed with researching gay and trans people in antiquity/history/prehistory and now i'm an archaeologist #and we all know that archaeology is the gayest of the nerd professions #i mean i was dating a nonbinary person at the time i just got soo freaked out by the twinge of gender euphoria when an acquaintance used #they/them pronouns for me that i took it as evidence i was deffo not a they/them and did not examine my gender again until i was 19 #and it was really like a revelation i had zero seconds of questioning i just realized sitting in my living room. it just made sense. #anyway lol long gender ramble in the tags here #pride #ancient rome #yes i am gonna talk about catullus but how do i talk about attis to a bunch of 9 year olds #am i going to do it? yes. do i expect a few blank stares? yes but who cares bc it means they are focused on their clay! #okay i am spending way too long writing this post back to work!

[shinmiyovvi]

Not me thinking about making ANOTHER Codz oc again...

#shin's rambles #I swear I have 3 main ocs with me I can't afford to make another one #I'm now thinking about having a some sort of male oc where he could be part of the navy or some sort of another medic #I'd like to branch out from the usual air force and army occupation #And try out the navy or paratrooper sometime #Maybe making them a partisan resistance fighter or a guerilla fighter #But that's on me #If I ever make this one happen... #If I make another female oc then I'm gonna do a lot of research on this one once more #But anyways I wanted to draw another male oc just in case I flop on the idea #I'm still feel sorry for not giving my SoE oc some attention #I swear you will see our beloved musician again #Her ship is somewhat still in the process whether to ship her or not

[thefabelmans2022]

i am currently enrolled in a class so awful i'm already taking notes on what to write in the feedback survey i'll be asked to do months from now bc i want to remember the specifics of why this is a shitty class that needs to be improved.

#it's required coursework for any masters or phd and it's so STUPID #it's supposed to prepare you to write your dissertation but the material feels obvious at best and totally irrelevant at worst #like the one week where the readings amounted to 'while you research you should write notes :)' gee thanks i would've never thought of that #plus there's no actual class just the online readings so all i'm doing is writing notes and turning in an assignment every now and then #i'm not discussing or even thinking about these ideas i'm not engaging with the material i'm just writing notes #it feels so pointless and stupid and because there's no class i forget about it anyway #ugh. i can't wait for this survey i'm gonna give them a real piece of my mind.