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alostlittleriverlotus · 2 years

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Also the "quiet BPD" subtype feels so much like some sort of divide between the "angry, mean stereotype" and this "poor quiet internalized victim" really. Like I've seen the other subtypes, but when I first learned about them years ago, it was high functioning/quiet BPD and I genuinely saw things that would heavily imply that they were better because they wouldn't take their anger out on others.

It just feels like another way to divide personality disorders and demonize them. I'm not saying people with BPD that use the term "quiet BPD" are doing this specifically, but it's very reminiscent and feels like how people with BPD separate themselves from the icky narcissists and antisocial people (/sarcastic) in this day and age. Like how people will make BPD into the "victim disorder" while NPD and ASPD are the "abusive disorders" and then cluster a and c and HPD are all just forgotten.

It just very much so reminds me of that. Or just dividing with introvert/extrovert or internlized/externalized. And considering I saw a comment literally describing quiet BPD as not being the angry/violent type- I- that just sounds so so so bad.

This comes from someone with BPD that has been both and experiences all the subtypes.

And then I saw someone say "aside from the fact I experience all four subtypes (not all at once, they fluctuate)" like yeah? That's just how disorders work? You're not going to be constantly angry or having episodes and you're not going to be constantly internalizing everything and blaming yourself. I just cannot fathom how people see this, these boxes and subtypes, and don't see how this is just normal. For like tons of disorders.

Not even just personality disorders. It feels like high/low functioning labels, introvert/extrovert, personality types, all of that stuff that tries to box us all in under one label and ignores the fact that people are different, people change, and people can be more than one thing.

This doesn't feel like bipolar 1/2 disorder or seasonal depression versus normal depression or social anxiety for generalized anxiety. This doesn't feel like an actual separation of diagnoses. It just feels like a disorder existing in multitudes and people have put them into 4 different subtypes.

I even used to say I had quiet BPD. And when my BPD was suddenly externalized again? I felt like a monster and evil and like I did something to make my BPD become external. Quiet BPD comes off as "I am more likely to hurt myself so I'm not that bad, I'm just a victim" rather than any actual type of diagnoses. BPD is BPD. It's gonna exist in multitudes, have contradicting elements, have different experiences, especially since every person is different with different disorders affecting them. What do subtypes do to help? What happens when you think you're just one or two types and then you suddenly act so differently than previously thought? And trust me, when that happened to me, it was terrifying. My whole world view of my BPD was thrown off which only made my rage episodes worse.

I just don't see the point to having subtypes to personality disorders. Personalities are complex as is, personality disorders are just as complex, so of course there's going to seemingly be "different types."

I dunno, man. And again, this isn't saying anyone that DOES use these and has BPD is suddenly bad or wrong or whatever for it. I used em once too and especially when you first learn about having BPD, I can see why it may be useful in ways. But I feel it's ultimately restricting and focuses too much on categorizing a complex disorder.

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60inchyugiohheadcanons · 7 months

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On Jōnouchi's ADHD (1.39k words)

This headcanon is probably the longest on this blog; it's some compiled thoughts on how growing up with (undiagnosed) ADHD has affected Jōnouchi. It's halfway between headcanon and fanfiction piece, and was requested by @bloodyscott, whom I kept waiting for too long for a response. I apologise sincerely for the delay.

This headcanon begins below the cut, as it's obscenely long. You may find it more comfortable to read this from the blog page, or on Archive of Our Own (NOTE: tumblr is acting strange. To access the page, copy the link and manually remove the href.li portion and the second https), rather than on your dashboard/search, in terms of formatting and such.

From infancy, Jōnouchi wailed his way out of his crib, out of his room, out of his house—as a baby, he thrashed towards whatever freedom he could find. He loathed the four walls of the crib; he'd scarce room to move. A skin infection brought him, aged 4, to hospital, and the very sight of overrun grey plastic seats and skinny cubicles exhausted him more than his illness had ever threatened to.

In primary school, others’ desks would blend together in a whir. Here he was, stuck, dizzyingly sedentary—the longer he sat, the foggier the world seemed to grow. When he kicked and whined at other children throughout electric lunch breaks, and they shrank from his vitality, he learned to eat alone. As his peers trudged from class in packs, watching the pavement, he sat, sullen, as his father drove him home. Somehow, Katsuhiro had never trusted him not to lose himself in chasing his surrounds. The fabric of the car seat would bite into his shorts, and he’d squirm for the window, squealing towards the noise outside: Birds that cawed; scraps of paper that fluttered and choked on smog. That was a fragile era, when his mother still waited, with dry hands and chipped nails, at home. When his father already stank of beer, but still spoke loudly, deeply, boisterously. Again and again, Jōnouchi’s mother would sit her son down, and write his name, stroke by agonising stroke. She’d recite each mora in time with each character. Yet sound would cluster through his head, and his own name would dissolve amid his mother’s instructions, amid the blaze of sunlight trapped on the windowsill behind her. He would write, and the strokes would come out rushed, mis-ordered, lopsided.

Iro wa nioedo

chirinuru wo.

At 10, his father grew quiet, and his mother yet quieter. Silence took up like a plague in Jōnouchi’s head, and swarmed in shapeless formation throughout parched mathematics lessons. Times tables hurled themselves headlong into a skull full of fog, and burst on contact. Are you listening? a teacher asked. How could he listen with a head full of noise, of unspoken words billowing back and forth? He gripped his seat, and glared back. Why should I care, anyway?

When his mother left, his father stopped caring to chaperone him. It had taken Jōnouchi a decade to earn the right to shed his infancy. He resented that it had been this long, so tried to join the huddle of middle schoolers. He told odd stories, and took off, queasy, in front of them. They withdrew their smiles when he approached on the second day. He growled his plaint, and resentment drove him to take the opposite route. He explored back alleys, wallflower convenience stores and dilapidated cinemas; the faster he walked, the more clearly he could see each brick, and the brighter each fleck in the pavement glinted. At speed, he delayed the journey home, and set his eyes on a gorgeous early winter sunset. The colours bellowed, too bold for winter, ungainly and vain. They were glorious.

Jōnouchi came home late. His father glared; fog crashed back down on his shoulders.

Wa ga yo tare zo

tsune naran?

A week before she cleared out too few of Katsuhiro’s belongings and packed too few suitcases, Jōnouchi’s mother drove both children two miles to the optometrist. My son, she explained, reads slowly, yet resents reading; it seems he can’t see very well. My daughter’s sight seems clearer, yet she complains of pain. The optometrist forced Jōnouchi to read down a chart of letters; he fidgeted, and, consumed in memories of a lonely lunch break the day prior, passed with flying colours. When the optometrist flashed a light to photograph his eyes, whatever hideous miracle that was, Jōnouchi screamed.

Katsuya Jōnouchi, the optometrist surmised, had perfect acuity of sight. He sought attention, stimulation. Meanwhile, Shizuka Jōnouchi, who had sat entirely still throughout her examination, had more ragged, derelict peripheral vision than her family had anticipated. Untreated, both your children will get much worse.

And in the months after Shizuka Jōnouchi became Shizuka Kawai and Mrs. Jōnouchi became That Bitch Who Never Cared, Katsuya Jōnouchi became horribly aware of how little time he had to be lethargic. He had to survive this schism; yet as he was, he barely felt capable of thinking. He walked, fidgeted, paced to prove to himself that he was a moving, breathing organism. Yet his father’s frustration would brook no exuberance. Long before Katsuhiro fully committed to flinging glass and spurning his son’s misery, Jōnouchi began learning to move silently, slowly, around his father. He memorised which mats snapped and snagged, which bits of fabric hissed when stepped on. He noted which windows opened most quietly. And yet he never managed a perfect, quiet exit. He couldn’t help but be conspicuous; he could only hope to get out too quickly for his father to react. And, to lift the torpor that followed escape, he would run to school, and, after, run back. Never did the sun shine brighter than when he was moving.

Uwi no okuyama

kyou koete.

When he met Hirutani, did he become more violent? No; every punch he threw during his delinquency had waited, kinetic and desperate, for days, months, years. In classrooms, his sole responses to being ordered around had been sullen deference, with sullenness being his sole demonstration of rebellion. Now, threatened with the obsolescence of his ego, of his perceived freedom, he chained himself to violence, over and over. The first time he punched a man in the gut, he found himself shaking. And rather than sink into sallow, domestic remorse, he slathered himself in white rage. And he went back and he went back and he went back, helpless to his own instincts, trying to dredge the noise in his skull out through his fists. No matter how many punches he threw, and no matter how many he received, he could not stop his head from blazing anew the moment he walked away.

Did Duel Monsters afford him any peace? He would be no man’s losing dog; nor would he be confined to dull celebrity. To play as a strategist consigned him to sitting still, committing himself to gambits he could never entirely trust, to moves that demanded a clear head. To play too whimsically would doom him to inferiority. Thus, he gave half his heart to diligence, and half to sheer fortune. Nobody could idolise his kind of folly, nor devalue his kind of skill. This was Jōnouchi’s will—to eschew having to wait in the mire of expectation; to escape the fog of obligation to anyone’s morals but his own. Honour suited him, so long as it was on his meticulous terms. In games of Duel Monsters, he became a knight-errant of sorts: predictably unpredictable, unexpectedly canny, blindly faithful. With this relationship to his own fate laid out so, he could finally draw cards without fearing those next to come. And thus, hyperkinetic, he found a peace in the game. So he played and played until he forgot how long he’d been playing, and Duel Monsters became as second nature.

Asaki yume miji

ei mo suzu.

Two weeks before Jōnouchi’s graduation, Shizuka invited him to her place to dine. Their father was not to join them. Jōnouchi protested, and his desperation died in a pinprick throat. Wisteria spilled itself over the footpath. Each step threatened to plunge, vertiginous, to the ground.

When Jōnouchi saw his mother, his throat turned to sandpaper. She looked so old.

You cried so much as a baby, she told him. Kicked and screamed to see the world. You weren’t comfortable waiting in your crib—I’d end up coming to you at 4AM, walking you around the perimeter of the house till my heels burned. And you seemed so afraid of all the noises of the night—groaning engines, singing birds. Now, look at you—you’ve grown up so terribly fast.

Could he afford to tell her how even now, he bit down the urge to kick and scream, to launch himself, all fists and sparks, onto his tormentors? No; so, all night, he gripped his glass as tight as he could. The cold lingered and itched on his palms for days. Holding onto things, it seemed, was not so difficult as he’d once believed.

#couple of notes: i tried to write jōnouchi as also possibly having some form of conduct disorder that did not progress to aspd.#as i have neither conduct disorder nor aspd – i can't promise it's entirely accurate #and i apologise sincerely for any serious mistakes. i've tried to avoid stigma but i know i've a hell of a lot more learning to do #jōnouchi is meant to have combined-type adhd here. i have adhd but no diagnosed subtype #however i'd generally say i have an extremely different experience to jōnouchi here. (i'm either hyperactive or combined)#i've tried to stay away from stereotype while also focussing on how a young child might be both overtly and internally hyperactive #and how the display of symptoms might change with circumstance.#moreover; shizuka's eye condition in the anime is left vague and (probably unrealistically) curable #i went with some kind of glaucoma (probably open-angle but i really don't know enough to say).#she probably stopped losing vision after surgery but i doubt she actually got her peripheral vision back #the japanese poem interspersed throughout is the iroha. it was more significant to early drafts and i'm too sentimental to take it out.#i named jōnouchi's father katsuhiro (克弘) because calling him 'jōnouchi's father' got too cumbersome #i didn't really show jonouchi hyperfocussing much or write about his experience of time.#but since he's an esfp i probably need more time to work out how Se dominance could interact with time blindness #anyway. i'll shut up now.#yugioh #yu-gi-oh!#YGO #Yu-Gi-Oh #yu gi oh #katsuya jonouchi #katsuya jounouchi #jounouchi katsuya #jonouchi katsuya #shizuka jonouchi #shizuka jounouchi #jonouchi #城之内克也 #tw domestic violence #cw domestic violence

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sleepyherbs · 9 months

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ASPD Resource Dump

feel free to reblog! here are some resources related to ASPD that i've collected since i've being diagnosed (roughly 5 years).

Sympathetic Articles

An Autistic Sociopath's Story, Cassy, through Special Books by Special Kids (video. an autistic pwASPD talks about her life and experiences with both.)

An Interview with a Sociopath, Dyshae, through Special Books by Special Kids (video. a pwASPD and bipolar disorder talks about his life and experiences with both.)

Life With Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Andrew, through mind.org.uk (a pwASPD's account of their life and experiences with it.)

The Hidden Suffering of the Psychopath, William H. J. Martens, MD, PhD (a sympathetic view of pwASPD, and some information on the neurobiology of ASPD.)

Factors for Development

Antisocial personality disorder in abused and neglected children grown up., B. K. Luntz, C. S. Widom (from 1994. provides evidence supporting the fact that child abuse/neglect is a predictor of antisocial behavior.)

Antisocial Personality Disorder with Childhood- vs Adolescence-Onset Conduct Disorder, Risë B. Goldstein et al. (from 2006. discusses how symptoms vary in pwASPD whose conduct disorder began in childhood vs in adolescence.)

Predictors of antisocial personality: Continuities from childhood to adult life, Emily Simonoff et al. (from 2018. draws connections between childhood behaviors, diagnoses, etc., and antisocial behavior in adulthood.)

Risk Factors in Childhood That Lead to the Development of Conduct Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder, Stacey E. Holmes, James R. Slaughter, Javad Kashani (from 2001. covers multiple categories that may lead to development of CD and/or ASPD, including environment, genetics, and individual differences.)

Miscellaneous Articles

Antisocial Personality Disorder: Neurophysiological Mechanisms and Distinct Subtypes, Sean J. McKinley (from 2018. proposes three diagnostic subtypes for ASPD: primarily detached, primarily disinhibited, and combined.)

Executive function, attention, and memory deficits in antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy, Michael Baliousis et al. (from 2019. discusses some neurobiology of ASPD, and how it effects executive function, attention, and memory.)

Self-mutilation in antisocial personality disorder, M. Virkkunen (from 1976. reports on self-injury behaviors in pwASPD, and details their motivations.)

#actually antisocial #actually aspd #cluster b #aspd tag #tea time !

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mischiefmanifold · 8 months

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"As long as I know the shape of my soul, I'll be all right."

Mischief ▪︎ 19 ▪︎ he/it

autistic & personality disordered

white & learning about my ancestry (mostly focusing on Greek right now)

hellenic polytheist and Athene devotee (see @skandaliaris)

writing since I was in the single digits (see @mischiefwrites)

I have a NSFW blog that I post and reblog to, if you want it you can DM me

I curate my own blog, and you can too!

Non-traumagenic systems, TERFS/radfems, transandrophobes, pro-contact paraphiles, "narcissistic abuse" believers, and bigots are not welcome here.

LINKS:

NPD Subtypes Masterpost

Diagnostic Criteria & Examples Masterpost

NPD Resources

ASPD Resources

Coping & Distraction

Origins of the Term "Narcissistic Abuse"

Tagging System

Adulting Masterpost

#pinned post #help I can't commit

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x-x-bones-x-x · 1 month

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why does the Internet feel so damn hostile sometimes😭😭😭 can you all please chill a little bit?? We're in this together...stop attacking people for no reason or for simply just being different/doing things differently than you😭 I'm tired of scrolling on my blog and seeing y'all fucking fighting over stupid shit, why the fuck do y'all actually care about what other people are eating??? That's what got some of us into this mess, stop judging other people's habits. EDS ARE EDS AND ALL EDS ARE VALID.

MENTAL ILLNESS IS MENTAL ILLNESS, SYMPTOMS ARE SYMPTOMS AND THEY ALL ARE VALID. NONE MORE THAN ANOTHER. STFU.

-doesnt matter if youre overweight, underweight, "normal" weight, have ana, mia, OSFED, BED, or ana b/p subtype.

-doesnt matter if youre depressed, have anxiety, autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, BPD, NPD, ASPD, any other cluster B and any other mental health disorder I haven't mentioned.

Shut the fuck up and be decent people to each other. We're all hurt. We all come on here to vent. Don't be a part of the problem, it's really not that hard. if you don't have anything nice to say then STFU and stay off of the platform for the mentally ill peeps. Stop spreading hurt just because your fucked alright? We all are. We don't need any more fucking pain.

Now, go pack a bowl, self regulate and come back when you can be chill. ✨

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blubushie · 4 months

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you have aspd? youve never mentioned it before

I've never mentioned it purely because the internet isn't entitled to every last bit of my medical or psychiatric information, but yes. I was diagnosed with ASPD, suspected nomadic subtype (though I also express some paranoia-related malevolent traits) when I was 18.

My determining symptoms were (better be thankful for this cuz I had to get my fucken paperwork out):

"Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviours" I got in fights a lot in high school, I wagged school, I frequently ran away from home even after being threatened with gaol time if I continued, and I was suspended a lot for being late--being late to things specifically is a middle ground because "being late" is also an ADHD thing but at least now I have a complex about Never Being Late To Anything.

"Deceitfulness, as indicated by use of aliases" 9/10 times if someone asks me my name I'm giving them a fake name in case I was in trouble for something. I still do this. Covers my back. Once I stop being strangers with someone they get Blu or my legal.

"Impulsivity or inability to plan ahead" I'm great at making plans even though it's hard to stick to them. I'm very impulsive though.

"Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults" It's specifically repeated physical fights (and verbal arguments with my parents). I don't typically start fights but I do end them. That said my relationship with my parents is much better now that I don't live with my mum.

"Reckless disregard for safety of self" It's specifically disregard for my own safety. Though it was noted that I was "highly sympathetic" to the safety of others. (I will drive recklessly on a dirt track by myself but I am a highly vigilant driver on common roads.)

"Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt or mistreated another." This one's one that my therapist wasn't sure on because my mood fluctuates so much. There's times I won't feel remorse in the moment but will feel remorse after, there's days I feel remorse for nothing and wake up with a mentality of "everyone is on my shit list" where the smallest fuck-up will set me off and I feel zero remorse after, and there's days where I'm constantly apologising for every little thing. We've approached the possibility of me being bipolar though, so it's possible that the remorse fluctuations are simply bipolar mania and depression working their cycle. However my therapist also mentioned that my perception of remorse might be skewed, because when I'm apologising for something I take on a "passive approach" so it seems less like I'm actually remorseful and more that I just don't want someone to be angry or upset with me. If you ask me, I feel bad for upsetting them so yeah, of course I'm gonna apologise. She was right about my passiveness though--a lot of times if I feel I've fucked up with someone, I'll continue being passive with them because I feel I owe it to them to let them be an arsehole to me. Anyhow, the jury's out on my lack of remorse, but what I'm confirmed to have is a "considerate lack of empathy." So that's neat. Also adding on it was hard for my therapist to figure this one out because I usually feel justified in the actions I take, and there's a difference between lack of remorse knowing you've hurt someone, and lack of remorse because you feel you were justified in your actions against or toward them, especially in cases of defending yourself. (For example, "I don't feel bad for hitting him because he knows I have CPTSD and I react violently to people startling me from behind, therefore it's not my fault and he knew the risk he was taking so I don't feel bad.") Apparently she couldn't get a straight answer out of me and I was "avoiding" the topic, so I'm written down as lack of remorse. Personally I'd argue against that cuz I feel a lot of remorse about a lot of things, it's just that often I feel I'm entirely justified in whatever I've done and therefore shouldn't feel bad about something.

The jury's also out on whether or not I have an addictive personality. Up until my diagnosis I'd been doing shrooms (I still do shrooms) but I used them responsibly as they're non-addictive. However I was expressing behavioural addictions like dermatophagia and dermatillomania for years (a habit I didn't break until two years ago), and trichotillomania when I was around 12, but my psychiatrist thought that all of these may have been a symptom of the OCD I'm suspected to have instead of my ASPD, or maybe a combination of both. While I've used addictive drugs, I practise harm reduction to prevent myself from becoming addicted. Alcoholism is the only legitimate addiction I've ever had, but apparently my sexual proclivities can be filed under reckless behaviour, so I'm really not doing myself any favours here. 😅

#blu whos #aspd #antisocial personality disorder

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takeyourcyanide · 1 month

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INTRO + MASTERLIST

INTRODUCTION:

You can simply refer to me as “Cyanide,” if you’d prefer.

On this blog, I primarily write Soul Eater fanfiction and detail my experiences with certain psychological ailments. In terms of my writing, I often explore themes of violence and gore, trauma, and mental illnesses/disabilities such as schizophrenia, psychopathy (not always a diagnostic label, and some view it as being “outdated” but is still in use within not only research papers but also amongst the aspd community, for example, to differentiate between sociopathy and psychopathy/sort of two subtypes, but not really), and autism spectrum disorder. My works act as explorations and psychoanalyses. All this to say, my writing may not always be (honestly, never is) suitable for all audiences, depending on the work. It’s best that those interacting with my blog be at least above the age of thirteen, if not older. This blog is more suitable for teen and up audiences. I typically post in English, though you may find that I ramble in Russian at times. I’ll most likely post in any language I happen to learn, but English and Russian are my two primaries.

POSSIBLE TWs FOR MY BLOG:

Mentions of r@pe, suicide, homicide, and self-harm

Detailed descriptions of violence and gore, including the likes of self-mutilation

Unreality, such as beliefs that would be considered “delusional,” and may trigger those in a fragile state of mind

Addiction; excessive smoking, drinking, etc. to cope

TAGS OFTEN USED ON MY

BLOG:

Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/No Comfort, (Often Underage) Smoking, (Often Underage) Drinking, Schizospec, ASPD, Unreality, Autism, (SFW) Age Regression, Schizophrenia, Soul Eater, Psychopathy, Mental Illness, Soul Eater Fanfiction, My Writing, My Fanfiction, etc.

REQUESTS:

I accept any and all writing requests. If I am, for any reason, uncomfortable with a topic, then I will make that known. All this to say, if you’re someone who worries whether or not the other person will set boundaries, you needn’t worry with me in any sense at all. Simply send a request in through my asks (👁️), and I’ll complete it when I’m able to.

I would like to add that I do happily accept constructive criticism and suggestions, as I’d like to improve!

MASTERLIST:

While I have considered writing for other fandoms, I have found an outlet in the Soul Eater fandom. So, if needed, this will be updated to accommodate other fandoms, though I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

Key:

👁️ - Angst

🪆 - Fluff

💪 - Action/Adventure

🩻 - Smut

FRANKEN STEIN ADJACENT:

Woeful - 👁️/🩻 - 10 192

Do What You Will - 👁️ - 6 978

That Which Destroys You, You Adore - 👁️/💪 - 3 733

Leaches (series) - 👁️/💪 - 4 786 (total, so far)

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - 👁️/🪆 - 2 710 words

Muse of Tragedy - 👁️ - 1 130

Prey - 👁️ - 3 315

Until I Ache - 👁️/🪆 - 2 113

Closer - 👁️ - 1 893

Forest - 👁️/🪆 - 3 165

Ceaseless - 👁️/🪆 - 3 164

There Will Come a Day - 👁️ - 796

Mutt - 👁️ - 3 501

Too Much - 👁️ - 4 009

Cycle - 👁️/🪆 - 4 209

Сигареты (Cigarettes) - 👁️ - 1 073

Anguish - 👁️/🪆 - 5 578

Бесконечный ад (Endless Hell) - 👁️ - 1 395

Blood Red - 💪 - 2 475

Bells - 👁️/🪆- 2 650

Self-Cannibalism - 👁️/🪆 - 2 491

Пустой (Empty) - 👁️ - 2 926

Repulsion (Re-do) - 👁️ - 7 723

Repulsion - 👁️ - 14 434

A Buzzing - 👁️/🪆 - 2 973

Time - 👁️/🪆 - 2 867

Adoration - 🪆 - 2 893

Secret - 👁️ - 1 419

Cute - 🪆 - 2 411

Reflection - 👁️ - 1 983

A Sense of Calm Before the Inevitable Storm - 👁️/🪆 - 948

SPIRIT ALBARN ADJACENT:

Woeful - 👁️/🩻 - 10 192

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - 👁️/🪆 - 2 710

Until I Ache - 👁️/🪆 - 2 113

Closer - 👁️ - 1 894

Forest - 👁️/🪆- 3 165

Too Much - 👁️ - 4 009

Cycle - 👁️/🪆 - 4 209

Anguish - 👁️/🪆 - 5 578

Blood Red - 💪 - 2 475

Bells - 👁️/🪆 - 2 650

Пустой - 👁️ - 2 926

Repulsion (Re-do) - 👁️ - 7 723

Repulsion - 👁️ - 14 434

I Want a Divorce - 👁️/🪆 - 6 084

Secret - 👁️ - 1 419

MARIE MJOLNIR ADJACENT:

Do What You Will - 👁️ - 6978

Ceaseless - 👁️/🪆 - 3 164

Too Much - 👁️ - 4 009

Сигареты - 👁️ - 1 073

Anguish - 👁️/🪆- 5 578

Self-Cannibalism - 👁️/🪆- 2 491

Пустой - 👁️ - 2 926

Repulsion (Re-do) - 👁️ - 7 723

Repulsion - 👁️ - 14 434

A Buzzing - 👁️/🪆 - 2 973

Time - 👁️/🪆 - 2 867

I Want a Divorce - 👁️/🪆- 6 084

Adoration - 🪆 - 2 893

Cute - 🪆 - 2 411

A Sense of Calm Before the Inevitable Storm - 👁️/🪆 - 948

~*{}——————{}*~

Have a song now that you’ve reached the end!

#masterlist #soul eater #soul eater fanfiction #writing #writers on tumblr #franken stein #marie mjolnir #spirit albarn #takeyourcyanide #my fanfiction #introduction #fanfiction #Spotify #pinned post #pinned intro #pinned info #pinned

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aspd-culture · 2 months

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what's a system?

A system is a trauma response associated with one of the heavier dissociative disorders: Dissociative Identity Disorder, some subtypes of Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder (1a and 1b I believe are the ones associated with systems but don't quote me on that, though I know they both are systems related I don't remember if they're the only OSDDs that are), and Unspecified Dissociative disorder (which can be a system or not).

The word system refers to a number of "alters" (2 or more, with no upper limit) that are entirely different people essentially that use the same body and brain. Because of how personality and identity are developed, the general idea of how this happens is that young children are theorized to have "ego states" wherein their emotions are actually entirely separated from each other and have no affect on each other, which is why many people say their child is "a different person when they're tired" and why young children can go from extremely distressed to completely fine in a matter of less than a second. It also explains why a child can feel completely happy and great but if you remind them they were sad a few moments ago, entirely fall back into that distress as though it never stopped, because these ego states seem to have some amount of amnesia between them.

Eventually (around 6-10ish), in typical development, these ego states integrate and become one with connected memories between them - life experience and neurological development make this into a defined "personality" and you have what is known in system communities as a singlet; a person with typical development in this regard. In disorders causing a system, some type of trauma makes this impossible. The child is unable to survive with all the emotions and turmoil being aware of everything that's happened to them is causing, and the brain essentially keeps those ego states unfused as a way to have many alters experiencing some trauma so it is spread out, or one alter that experiences the trauma but does not have to go about normal life tasks or interact with people they have to hide the trauma from.

As time goes on, just like it would have with the ego states fused, a personality forms based on the life experience and neurological development, but this time each alter has a different set of life experiences and becomes their own person entirely. From there, the brain uses this method of compartmentalization as a primary coping mechanism (as it is extremely effective), and will create alters in the future as needed even if there isn't necessarily any traumatic experiences causing the need for the new one. Once the brain gets desperate enough to throw away its typical development cycle, much like in ASPD, it no longer is afraid to continue doing so as a means of coping and preservation even in typical daily life.

Plain text below the cut:

#aspd-culture-is

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hauntedselves · 1 year

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Other Personality Disorders

This post is about personality disorders that used to exist in the DSM or ICD but don’t anymore. You cannot be diagnosed with these disorders, as they’re not in any diagnostic manual; you would be diagnosed with Other Specified Personality Disorder (or the ICD-11 equivalent) instead.

Passive-Aggressive / Negativistic (PA/NegPD)

A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

Masochistic / Self-Defeating (Ma/SDPD)

A pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him or her.

Sadistic (SaPD)

A pervasive pattern of cruel, demeaning, and aggressive behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

Depressive / Melancholic (De/MePD)

A pervasive pattern of depressive cognitions and behaviors, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

Other Personality Disorders

Turbulent

Turbulent PD has never existed in any DSM. It’s part of Millon’s theorised personality disorder taxonomy, but doesn’t appear in any other literature.

It seems to be an alternate way of categorising and defining hypomania & cyclothymic disorder, and is similar to ADHD, NPD & HPD.

Millon classes it on a spectrum from ebullient personality type -> exuberant personality style -> turbulent personality disorder.

Haltlose

Theorised in German, Russian, and French psychiatry.

Haltlose translates to “unstable” (literally, “without footing”) and refers to a “drifting, aimless and irresponsible lifestyle: a translation might be ‘lacking a hold' on life or onto the self)”.

“Those with haltlose personality disorder have features of frontal lobe syndrome, sociopathic and histrionic personality traits”.

Someone with haltlose PD “lacks concentration and persistence”, and “lives in the present only”. They are “easily persuaded, and [are] often led astray”.

Haltlose PD is similar to AsPD as there is “an inability to learn from experience, and no sincere sense of remorse”. They are often described as ‘lovable rouges’.

(Cullivan, R, ‘‘Haltlose’ type personality disorder (ICD-10 F60.8)’, Psychiatric Bulletin, 1998, pp. 58-59).

Immature

Immature PD was mentioned in the DSM-III as a specifier for Other Specified PD, but removed in later editions.

It seems to be a combination of borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, antisocial, dependent, schizoid and avoidant PDs.

Almeida et al. suggest the following criteria for Immature PD: irresponsibility; impulsivity; unreliability; easily swayed; mood swings; expect overindulgence from others; dependency on others; ability for remorse or regret but it’s “light and fleeting”; inability to manage assets; inability to follow plans; quick to lie; unable to delay gratification; quick to frustration; devaluation of others; risk-taking behaviour; unstable relationships and behaviour; feels both entitled and worthless; attention seeking; recklessness; shyness; ungrateful; over-familiar with others; unable to plan for the future; substance use.

They also suggest 3 subtypes of Immature PD: the dramatic and emotional subtype, the shy subtype, and the mixed subtype.

(Almeida et al., 'Immature Personality Disorder: Contribution to the Definition of this Personality', Clinical Neuroscience & Neurological Research, 2019, pp. 1-16).

Eccentric and Psychoneurotic

These two personality disorders existed only as ‘other specified’ PDs in the ICD-10, where no definition is given.

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antisocialcultureis · 24 days

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Someone told me the subtypes weren’t real. I dunno what to believe. I also don’t know much about them, do you have info?

I mean personally I think subtypes are just labels that help people define/explain their symptoms better. If you look up bpd subtypes on tumblr theres a post with bpd subtypes after a couple scrolls and then at the bottom theres links to other personality disorder subtypes, and there you'll find an aspd one. But I don't have a whole lot of info.

#actually aspd #antisocial #antisocialpersonalitydisorder #aspd #aspd positivity #aspd stigma #aspd things #aspd thoughts #cluster b #not culture

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cerastes · 2 years

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Hey Dreamer, I believe you once said that rather than occupy the same niche, Specter Alter and OG Specter have different roles. Could you elaborate a little on that?

Guard Specter has a huge HP value, innate regen, high attack, ability to attack 3 enemies at once, and her signature skill, Bone Fracture, which allows her to survive absolutely everything in the game, with two exceptions (FrostNova 2 and Emperor's Blade Pursuer instakills), for 15 seconds while dealing immense damage to the enemy and stalling them. Thanks to these characteristics, Guard Specter excels at three things: Independent lane holding, drop-in assassination (aka helidropping), and boss/key unit stalling. Specter is what in other games you could consider a Brawler, having high bulk and damage both. Her only weakness is her high DP cost (which only goes up each time you want to helidrop her). Due to this versatility, you can use Specter in several ways, all of them important, hence why she's a common face to see in high end content.

The Unchained is a different unit altogether, though she does share some characteristics with Specter. Their statlines are very similar, actually, with Unchained having higher HP, no innate regen, slightly higher attack, slightly lower defense, and 2 block instead of 3 block, as per her Dollkeeper archetype. Now, the thing with Dollkeepers is that they are pretty much the essence of “We Didn’t Want To Make Yet Another Guard Subtype Just Yet So We Made It A Specialist Instead, But These Are Your 2-Block Non-Swordmaster Guards, With A Gimmick”, and so Dollkeeper is something you treat as a Guard that at the same time is a Kinder Surprise egg that only opens when the Operator dies, and their skills help them die! In addition to being numerically strong skills, Dollkeeper skills also tend to in one way or another make it easier for the user to Die so they can activate their Kinder Surprise: Kazemaru, for example, has her S2, which gives her a decent attack steroid but also spawns a clone of herself with a high damage explosion that also benefits from the buff, meaning she more than doubles her damage output with burst to boot. It also costs half her HP, and when she dies, she explodes into the clone again, and then comes back after 20 seconds. Dollkeepers love dying!

Now, how does Unchained factor into this lego castle: She doesn’t have the sheer stalling power that her 3-block, naturally regenerating, aoe cleaving version has, instead, she focuses more on having very high killing power, with skills to fit different situations: S1 trades her HP% with the unit in range with the lowest HP%, so an application of this could be to keep a dwindling Surtr S3 alive for a few more seconds, or saving an essential unit from a section of a map they otherwise simply could not without sacrificing more deployment slots for healers or mitigators, all while giving her an attack buff. S2 is a revamp of her Guard S2, Bone Fracture, in that it gives her a huge Attack and ASPD buff, and makes her unkillable for 20 seconds (5 more!), but instead of stunning her afterwards, it kills her outright, which means it’s Kinder Surprise time, and she starts her diss track that deals Arts damage and slows enemies around her until she revives herself. S3 slows down her attack a bit, makes her do AoE attacks again, gives her a truly massive attack buff and a truly insane Max HP boost (her HP reaches 9k!), and if she attacks an enemy with higher HP% than her, she hits an additional time for reduced damage per attack, while against enemies with lower HP%, she takes 3% Max HP damage. This means maximizing the damage from this is a bit difficult, but if done correctly, the sheer damage she deals is truly insane.

So, in comparison? Unchained is more of a team player, because she can plug many needs in a team just by herself and how versatile her skills are. Guard Specter is versatile herself, as we mentioned before, but Unchained can cover needs in a more widespread manner, between her Slow, immortality, immense damage, ability to swap HP% with a unit, and bulk. She is not as helidroppable as Guard Specter, and this is why a lot of people thought she was bad initially, but then people started experimenting with her in virtually any other situation and she pays dividends real hard. Guard Specter remains the best at what she does, and that likely will not change for a while, but when it comes to raw damage and utility, in addition to also being able to immortal stall, Unchained can do all that, and then some. It’s particularly useful to have Dollkeepers in stages that are hard on DP, since that’s a unit that you don’t have to worry as much about having to keep alive, leaving you to dedicate resources in other parts of the map.

Dollkeepers might be Weird Guards, but they are still Specialists: They excel in what they do, but if the map doesn’t call for their particular talent, then there’s no shame in bringing the right units instead. Both iterations of Specter cover different needs, so deploy one or the other... At least until the Siracusano event drops in 6 months, and then you can just deploy both at the same time, wwwwww.

*I’m not getting into Modules because advanced Modules come later and they are kind of a Big Game Changer for Unchained in particular, but know that they make her Very Very Very Strong.

#paragon arthur #arknights #specter #specter the unchained

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xxlovelynovaxx · 9 months

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Coining post!

"Cluster B spectrum disorder"/"with [x] traits"

This is for those with cluster B disorders who experience them as more of a spectrum which they occupy specific parts of. Like for me, my cluster B disorders all kind of bleed into one another.

The "with [x] traits" part can be used to describe predominant subtypes. For example, someone with NPD and ASPD might say "with narcissistic and borderline traits".

This also includes two new sublabels: "comprehensive" (experiencing traits from all four cluster B disorders) and "mixed" (not experiencing any significantly predominant traits but rather a fairly even mix from multiple disorders). Someone can have both comprehensive and mixed traits.

Also, for those with primarily traits of only three, "comprehensive minus [the traits not present]" would be a fine way to say it for brevity's sake.

This is mostly from my own experience with cluster B disorders, along with conversations with my therapist about the spectrum-like nature of cluster B disorders.

People who feel they are not functionally disordered by their cluster B traits are welcome to adjust this language to fit them. People with cluster A or C disorders are also welcome to use or make equivalent terms, I just don't know enough about those to know if this would translate.

No one has to use this, ofc. I intend to because it helps those of us in our system to understand ourselves better and therefore cope better with the hard symptoms. I only ask that if you don't like this term, that you simply move on (block if you need to, it won't bother us). We just wanted to share it in case it helps anyone else.

#cluster b disorders #actually cluster b #NPD #actually npd #ASPD #actually aspd #HPD #actually hpd #BPD #actually bpd #we have comprehensive traits btw #although in some cases it varies by headmate

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manie-sans-delire-x · 2 months

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What are some of the symptoms that fit some criteria.

There's a base criteria for having any personality disorder at all, and then theres specific subtypes of a personality disorder on top of that.

The first few pages here outlines ASPD and the base PD (page 1). I fit almost every single criteria, so I'll just post this instead of typing it all out.

#asks #aspd

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mischiefmanifold · 5 months

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How Do My Autism, PDs, and DID Interact/Intertwine?

Disorders mentioned in this post: autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), tourette syndrome (TS), fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD), dissociative identity disorder (DID), antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and schizotypal personality disorder (STPD)

(This post was requested by a mutual, I hope you find this (somewhat) helpful and I apologize for taking a million years to post it 🙃)

I have a whole host of disorders, pretty much all of which affect my personality, identity, and way I interact with the world around me. A lot of people look at the combinations of disorders I have and tell me I can't possibly have them (this is especially popular with autism and ASPD, as well as autism and STPD), when I do in fact have them and they suck ass.

To begin with, since I have DID, my other disorders vary drastically in symptoms from alter to alter. It is important to note that individuals with DID will likely only be diagnosed with other disorders alongside DID if most or all of the frequently fronting alters show symptoms and those symptoms impair the whole. Disorders like autism, Tourette, ADHD, and FASD are system-wide disorders due to the nature of their development. Personality disorders are usually diagnosed at the discretion of the therapist or psychiatrist who is doing the diagnosis.

My combination of autism, NPD, and ASPD resulted in an individual who lacks essentially all empathy, is very isolated, and is really sensitive to perceived slights or criticisms.

I have the psychopathic subtype of ASPD, which means that even if I didn't have NPD I would have narcissistic traits. Alongside heightened NPD traits, I am also more prone to violence and aggression (it is important to note that most psychopaths and individuals with ASPD are not criminals or extremely aggressive). Features of psychopathy that I display are typical antisocial behaviors (disregard for societal norms and rules, essentially), increased aggression and violence, lack of empathy and remorse/guilt, and manipulative and deceitful behaviors.

When it comes to autism and ASPD, the only real trait my presentation has in common is a lack of empathy. Communication problems can arise for individuals who have both disorders, but for different reasons (my ASPD communication problems are almost exclusively related to my disregard for others and lack of remorse; while my autistic communication problems stem from a fundamental misunderstanding of social norms, sarcasm, facial expressions, gestures, and figurative language). Individuals who have ASPD will not experience any developmental delays like autism (delayed speech, social ineptitude, etc.).

My ASPD and NPD go hand-in-hand pretty well. The earliest memory I have of exhibiting antisocial behaviors is at age 8 when I would repeatedly steal candy from my friend's school locker because I felt I deserved it more than her; the theft just escalated from there. I was very good at getting people angry with me so I could take out my anger on them.

I don't feel that my autism and NPD really have that much in common, honestly.

If you would like to learn more about ASPD, its history, and the psychopathic subtype of ASPD, please visit this site: https://psychopathyis.org/what-is-a-psychopath/

#hope this is helpful people in my screen #also feel free to request elaboration #npd #aspd #autism #comorbidity #did #mmanifold rambles

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gcldfanged · 2 months

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I think people may mischaracterize Jae as a psychopath, but then I started thinking: Just what IS a psychopath?

In society's eyes, a psychopath can be one of two types that are frequently used in media:

Evil Psychopath: Someone who derives pleasure from hurting others.

Emotionless Psychopath: Someone incapable of feeling any empathy towards anything or anyone.

Examples of #1 certainly exist in society, but we also narrow-mindedly think that a 'true' psychopath can only be one of these two examples.

You could say that Jae-hyo is somehow both, but it's probably more accurate to say that Jae is neither of these examples.

Psychopathy is poorly understood and there are those in the psychiatric field who believe that psychopathy should be viewed as a spectrum disorder similar to autism.

Psychopathy was replaced by ASPD in the 3rd edition, but the DSM-V's closest diagnosis to psychopathy is a youth diagnosis of conduct disorder with the addition of so-called “callous unemotional” (CU) traits- which manifest as a lack of guilt and remorse, a callous lack of empathy, a lack of concern about one’s performance on important activities, and a general lack of emotional expression.

Christopher J. Patrick proposed a “triarchic model" of three separate trait constructs:

Disinhibition: impulsiveness, irresponsibility, difficulty regulating one’s emotions and behavior, and mistrust of others.

Meanness: deficits in empathy, contempt toward and inability to bond with others, and predatory exploitativeness.

Boldness: dominance, social assurance, emotional resilience, and adventurousness.

Patrick hopes to identify and study differing subtypes of psychopathy according to these models, such as those who exhibit "Bold-Disinhibition" versus "Mean-Disinhibition".

There is a lot of evidence pointing towards the importance of nature AND nurture in examining and preventing the development of psychopathic traits in early childhood.

In studies, a majority of children with CU exhibiting psychopathic traits or had a strong genetic possibility of inheriting psychopathy managed to be steered away from said traits worsening through positive reinforcement and 'right-parenting focused interventions'.

Jae was seemingly almost a dead-wringer for what they are now calling 'Secondary Psychopathy': youths with traits that look like precursors to psychopathy—those who display anger, hostility, and emotional volatility after experiencing serious traumas.

The issue is that most children considered in a secondary psychopathy category show more emotional dysregulation and high levels of anxiety- as opposed to fearlessness/diminished threat response.

Jae-hyo may not have had loving parents, but he understood what it was like to be loved via his grandfather, so it can't be said that he 'doesn't understand' what love is and can be. He knows there is what others call 'morally right' and 'morally wrong', but refuses to live by the exact same set of ethics and ideals- There is only what benefits him and what does not benefit him/puts him at a disadvantage.

In fights there are no rules or sense of 'fairness', you either live or you die. Cheap shots, running away, and taking hostages are all intelligent and viable options that SHOULD be utilized, in his mind.

Jae-hyo has no qualms killing children (you can't tell me Shinra's never fought wars against armies using child soldiers before- They literally use child soldiers) or with killing children and adults back when he was a child himself, but he notoriously doesn't tolerate violence against female-identifying individuals well- in fact, witnessing such will likely make him angry and possibly triggered. He has some sense of 'rightness' and 'wrongness', but it hinges entirely upon his personal experiences and perceived justifications for violating those personal boundaries.

He himself is a victim of SA and he himself would not threaten female-identifying individuals, but displays zero qualms threatening those who oppose him and identify as male. He responds to threats from other people differently due to perceived gender, as well. He is more likely to use violence, threats, and strong-arming with people displaying stereotypically masculine traits than he is with those who show more stereotypically feminine traits.

He is capable of feeling joy and amusement in innocent ways, but also derives amusement and pleasure from dominating others. He manipulates and lies because it is his job, because it serves his interests, and because it has the best chance of getting what he wants. More importantly, he does enjoy if he manages to get the upper-hand over someone he particularly dislikes or sees as 'wrong'.

From a sexual standpoint, when Jae definitely gets endorphins from dominating others, it's not about about proving superiority or hurting them- It's a display of trust and intimacy.

He can feel a range of complicated emotions towards other people, being capable of genuinely caring about others. He is loyal and capable of expressing love towards those he cares about, but as seen with Verdot, he can also place others so high on a pedestal that his self-worth hinges upon how Verdot sees him. If he is useful then that's the only thing that matters in his world- It doesn't matter if others dislike or even hate him so long as Verdot sees worth in him. The value of the lives of others is entirely subjective to him to begin with, yet once Verdot steps into his life that subjectivity begins to be colored by the outside influence of his own worth and value to his savior. Even despite this, he never directly antagonizes people such as Tseng or experiences emotions such as jealousy or hatred towards him, even though he has every seemingly 'logical' reason to feel that way.

I'm beginning to lose track of what I really wanted to say and explore with this, but TL;DR:

Is Jae-hyo a Sociopath?

No.

Is Jae-hyo a Psychopath?

Probably...? Just not in the way that one would normally think.

#◈ META #uh yeah #tl;dr- maybe #my autism is really showing tonight ya'll

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