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snailsgoingdowntown · 1 year

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Guilt Tripping - Yan! Diluc

Yandere Diluc x Fem! Reader

part 1 of the “Baby Trapping” series

Warnings: Toxic relationship, general yandere themes, guilt tripping (I think), emotional manipulation, slight victim blaming (I think?), drugging, implied future physical violence (Not towards reader), possessive and obsessive thoughts and behavior, overprotectiveness, overbearing actions, controlling actions/mindset, unhealthy and toxic mindset, paranoia, implied Yandere! Albedo (Towards a different reader of perhaps the same mini-series of this).

Not sfw warnings: Baby trapping, dub-c0n/non-c0n, unprotected sEx, cumming inside without permission, unconsensual and unethical use of aphrodisiacs, vaginal fingering, clothed grinding, loss of virginity (both parties and totally didn't forget to add this warning until now)

Diluc is straight up gaslighting himself in this. He’s aware of how awful he is but keeps justifying it lmao.

Please tell me if I missed any warnings that are needed.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT condone any of the toxic behavior and thoughts that may take place in this work of fiction. None of this should be romanticize or even considered normal as it is very toxic and very dangerous. If you find yourself in such a situation, please seek help if able to.

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

WARNING: DUE TO TUMBLR’S SHITTY TAGGING SYSTEM, NOT EVERY TRIGGER WARNING WILL BE TAGGED, SO PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS THAT ARE WRITTEN ABOVE. THANK YOU.

MINORS AND AGLESS/BLANK BLOGS DNI OR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. THANK YOU.

Unedited.

Word count: 5134k

===

Diluc was aware that he could be… overbearing, at times. He’s aware that his presence can be suffocating, that he can be a bit delusional at times, and that he’s a bit controlling when it comes to you. But be doesn’t mean to do that on purpose – you just manage to bring out both the worse and the best out of him.

Whether or not you’re aware of that fact is up for debate.

He’s been preparing for the day you snap and talk back, or to take some ‘much needed’ space from the relationship. He can’t deny that your sanity is slowly withering away the more you deal with him. Again, he doesn’t mean to make you so stressed.

He just wants what’s best for you, as long as you come back into his arms. There are understandings at times, where you listen instead of charging away like a bull. He knows that you know he cares deeply for you, loves you to the moon and back. That he’d be willing to do almost anything for you.

Anything but this.

“I’m breaking up with you.”

One sentence, five words, is all it takes for his words to come crashing down around him. ‘I need a break’ implies you’ll be back after a week or so. It’s happened once or twice throughout your entire two years of your relationship. And it never lasted more than a week, max.

Diluc can feel the thin thread snapping like a nose around a neck. He swears that the world comes to a halt at your words, seeing nothing but white. Is he undergoing shock? Perhaps he heard you wrong. Yeah, that’s it – you must have said something else. A prank maybe? Or maybe you mixed up your words.

“What… what do you mean?” He hates the way his voice cracks, how shaky his hands become, even when they’re clenched hard enough to snap metal into two. Your facial expression doesn’t show any signs of playfulness.

There’s nothing playful about this situation.

You let out a sigh, fingers massaging your temple. “I said… I’m breaking up with you. I can’t… I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with you anymore.” Your voice cracks, and there’s a silent sob. There’s a huff, an intake of air.

You’re trying your best not to break down in front of him. And he’s doing the same, fists clenching and unclenching as he thinks of something to say. What should he say? That you can’t leave? It’ll only make things more complicated, making you hostile towards him.

He can’t have that. He just can’t. but even so, he finds himself about to utter those words out loud. He bites his tongue.

“…I thought I was good to you. While… I do understand that I can get overbearing at times… I thought I was a good lover to you regardless of.” He tries to keep himself in check. Diluc was nothing but a good gentleman in your eyes, so he acts as such. Although, that illusion may be gone now.

“That’s the problem! You think you’re a good boyfriend. But you’re not. you’re so… overbearing and controlling. I can’t even talk to people you don’t approve of!” Your own thread had seemingly snapped, leaving nothing more than rage behind. Quite, dull rage that’s too exhausting to come out at once.

“You say it’s for my own good… that I need your protection…”

“I never said that- “

“You implied it. Every. Single. Time. you always imply it.”

There’s nothing but silence. There’s a guilty conscience. He can’t ignore it, but he won’t address it. Because that means he’ll have to let go. And he won’t, not even in death, where hell will surely drag him down. He’ll drag you if he has to.

“We can… let’s just talk about this, okay? No need to make any rash decisions.” He’s talking out of his ass right now. “It’s… been a stressful week. It’s late and we both got out of work not too long ago. Let’s just… how about you come over?”

You don’t say anything, not at first. A glimmer of hope. Yes, everything will go back to normal, over a glass or two, ending with you being a whimpering mess as he grinds against you. Just like always.

“No. I can’t… I won’t do that. It always has the same outcome anyway. We never ‘talk’, you just sweet talk your way out, and it ends with some type of sexual activity.” You shake your head, taking a step back. He takes a step forward.

It feels wrong for you to stand so far away. Alien. You should be next to him, no, in his arms as he soothes you. Reality and fantasy don’t mix well, he realizes. “Please,” he tries again, choking on air.

It can’t end like this. It can’t end at all.

“Diluc… I can’t. I just can’t. I know it may be hard for you to understand but, whether you realize it or not… you treat me like a doll. A pretty, fragile, glass doll.” You don’t look him in the eyes, probably can’t.

To be fair, it felt worse on your own end. You loved this man. You wanted to marry him. But it’s in past tense and you’re not sure if you can keep up this happy façade. He’s nothing but controlling at this point, overprotective, suffocating. You can’t live in denial anymore.

Another sigh, another sob. With every step he takes towards you, you take one back. There’s an invisible wall between you, too hard to shatter. At least completely.

“Hey… let’s talk again in a week. When the steam blows off, okay?” You try not to break, he sees it. The way your body tenses, the slight tumble. He makes an effort to not point it out. “Please?”

And you cave, breaking down, wailing like a child. You don’t move away, only flinching as he closes in on you, gently and slowly wrapping his arms around you. his grip on you is loose, not wanting to chase you away. Gentle, he must be gentle.

It’s always worked in the past. He just needs to tweak a few things to guarantee victory. Anything for you, no matter how shady it may be. His morals become dubious when it comes to you.

A few minutes pass before you answer.

“Alright.”

Truthfully, you didn’t want to go, your resolve going down the drain whenever it came to you. But you had already promised you would, weak in that moment. But he knew. He knew that you would eventually succumb to his wishes. It happens every time.

And it ends with heated kisses, hands exploring each other’s bodies, promises to wait for the full act after marriage huffed into your ears. Despite the bulge straining in his pants, hazy eyes that kept looking at your kiss swollen lips, he never did anything you were uncomfortable with. And for that, you were grateful. But it doesn’t excuse his other behavior.

Something didn’t feel right. You were nothing short of tense, weary of what’s to come. Would he try to pull something? Or procced to guilt trip you once more, as unknowingly as usual? You could never tell with him, despite dating for two years.

Two years and he became a different person.

No. Beneath that gentlemanly exterior lies a control, obsessive and possessive freak. And you fell for it, the charm, the words, the looks. You dug your own grave without even knowing. And now it’s time to dig your way out, no matter how painful it may be.

You just hope your resolve will stay strong.

It must.

Diluc was nervous. It was more common these days, a nervous Diluc. He can’t help it but to be nervous around you. You were just so pretty, adorable, irresistible. And there was a time where you thought the same, where you couldn’t even take your eyes off of him. And yet, you don’t anymore.

He’s aware why. It’s because of him. But you need to understand was for your protection. He has too many enemies, there’s too much danger in the outside world. Surly, you would come around eventually, right?

Wrong. He was so, so wrong. He should have kept up with the gentle approach, no matter the amount of years it might have taken. It’s not too late to restart… right?

Just act the way you always portrayed him as. His mask has slipped too much too quickly. And now, he needs to fix everything as quickly as possible. The question is how to.

He glances at the wine bottle. A little drug as curiosity of Sir Albedo… a new and up coming drug. An aphrodisiac is what he called it. It was still in its developmental stages, but harmless. He was even given the right dose.

A questioning look in the alchemist’s eyes, no concerns were voiced. Most likely thought it wasn’t his business. And besides… even the esteemed Alchemist Albedo Kreideprinz had skeletons in his closet. Likeminded people must stick together, right?

And thus, the aphrodisiac was handed to him under the table, and now in this ‘new’ and ‘unopened’ bottle of wine. The cork was a new one, the previous one hastily thrown into the trash, covered with other discarded things. Not a smooth cover-up, but one you wouldn’t notice. And, if you were to ask for juice, he even drugged that beforehand.

He flinches slightly when a servant comes up to him, announcing your appearance. He takes in a deep breath before grabbing the bottle and two glasses, making his way to the study. When he gets there, he pauses. Would he be able to pull this off?

If you do ask for it, he has your consent, right? Yes, you wanted to save yourself for marriage but…

He shakes his head, ridding himself of those thoughts. He’ll back down if he thinks about too much. So, he takes a deep breath, straightens himself. His feet feel heavy as he walks into the room. He keeps the door open.

“(name). You came.”

You jolt at that, whipping your head around to see his figure at the doorway.

“Yes… just for a bit. This isn’t a casual visit, after all.” You built a wall around yourself, trying to smile but failing. He doesn’t comment on it.

“Ah. I suppose that’s… right.” Awkward silence, your hands tightly clasping together. His own grip on the glasses and bottle are tight as well. Swiftly, he places the objects down on the table in front of you. Everything has to be perfect. This night needs to end on a good note.

“Wine?” he asks, eyeing the way your jaw tenses as you hesitate to answer. You want to say no, he can see it, feel it. And hopefully, you won’t. His legs are already shaking like a newborn foal’s.

“I… sure.” A quiet sigh of relieve, and he opens the bottle, a loud ‘pop’ echoing in the room. You don’t take your eyes off of it. You’re weary of him. And he doesn’t have the right to complain or even feel offended.

Because you were right to be weary. To be weary of him.

He pours you a glass and himself one. He’s going to take the drug with you. God, he’s already silently regretting this. Not because he’s tricking you (although that’s part of it), but because he’ll have to explain, in detail (something he dreads, but a favor is a favor) of the results. He hates himself for being used a test subject and ragging you into it.

He can’t feel bad, considering he was the one who chose this route.

“Thank you…” you say as he passes a glass to you. He sits in front of you, the plush chair soft against him. He takes a sip.

“So… about our relationship… do you truly want to end it? We can work through this together.” He croaks out, trying his best not to ramble. He takes a deep breath, calming his nerves. He can do this.

“… I’m not sure if this relationship is savable. Two years and you’ve just gotten… worse. Much worse than you have gotten better. It’s like you’ve been possessed.” He can see your eyes water up, but you don’t let them fall.

He wants to wipe them away.

“What do you mean?” He’s never felt so scared in his life. He hates this. He hates himself. “It’s just… I know I can get overbearing, and I promise that I don’t do it on purpose-“

You cut him off, “That’s the problem. You don’t do it on purpose. It’s harder to resent you that way.”

Resent him? What do you mean by that?

“I don’t… I don’t know what to do. You’re… you used to be a good boyfriend. Someone I wanted to marry… but you’re not that same person anymore. And I’m not sure if we can fix this… if you can fix yourself. I’m not a therapist… yet you treated me as one for years.”

Your shoulders slack and you don’t make an effort to look at him. You don’t make an effort to drink the wine either.

He can feel his heart breaking. What should he do? What can he do? Crying (a rare sight indeed) won’t do anything. It’ll only prove you right if he cries and begs for you to reconsider. He needs you to drink the wine. A good amount of it.

He takes another swing, enough to the point the glass is almost empty. Too much at once, he hasn’t even eaten yet. He wants to eat you. But not when you’re crying like this.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware that I was that… inconsiderate.” Ever so slowly, he takes small steps towards you. You don’t resist when he gets on his knees, gently placing his head on your lap. His arms wrap around your legs. And, almost as if it was natural, your hand comes town to thread fingers through his hair.

Even when you ‘resent’ him, you still comfort him. You really were too good for him. But it’s because of that he doesn’t want to let go. No. he’d never let you go. He’ll drag you to hell if he has to.

“… To think the esteemed Diluc would beg on his knees… hah,” a humorless laugh that shakes him through his core. You sound tired, so, so tired. You’re really going to give up on him. Was he really that bad? Sure, maybe he overshared, at times, and was a bit controlling, but…

He never hit you. Never raised his voice at you.

He’s in denial. He doesn’t want to admit to his mistakes right now. He’ll do it (probably) after you two make up. He’ll do it once you say you won’t leave, that you won’t give up on him, on the relationship. You’re all he has left.

His father’s dead, his ‘brother’ is a spy, he can’t really get along with anyone on an emotional level. Anyone except you. You know this, so why are you putting him through this? Can’t you see he needs you?

God helps the poor soul would dare take you away.

“… I’m sorry. I really am,” useless, he’s so useless right now. Helpless, he hates himself, he hates you. “I… can’t lose you. I love you, you know that, right?” Like he wasn’t the one pushing you away with his behavior and actions.

He’s a horrible person, a dreadful and emotional abusive boyfriend. The naked eye can’t see it, but a trained one can. Likeminded people can. The victim can.

“Diluc… sit down, okay? You’re going to make yourself sick,” you run your fingers through his red mop of hair before retreating it. No, no, no, you can’t do that. You just can’t.

You have to drink the wine. You need to understand he’s protecting you. You need to understand he needs you. So, stay, please.

Don’t make things even more complicated.

“… do you love me?” He looks up, eyes glossy and he watches as your strong façade crumble. He was your weakness as you were his. You’re perfect for each other, however toxic the relationship may be.

“I… I don’t know anymore. I feel like I love you, but I know I shouldn’t.” Shaking your head, you gently push at his shoulders. The effort is weak, almost meaningless. He gives a squeeze before getting up and returning to his seat.

It’s when he sits down, head falling into his hands, when you take a swing. He hears you slam the glass on the mahogany wood. Hope lights up in his chest, but even so, it feels so wrong. But he needs to do this. For him. For you.

How selfish of a person he was.

“… I can’t promise I won’t fall back into the habit, but –“

“You said that last time. And here we are, again. You say you’ll do better, that you’ll listen. Sure, you do, but only for a week. And then the cycle repeats.” You sigh out, now crying, finally breaking down despite everything.

Sobs, ugly sobs that he hates to hear. He’s not sure when he got up, or how long he’s been hugging you, but he knows that you need comfort. Maybe not from him, but he’s the only one here anyway. The servants are outside, cleaning the yard, tending to the grapes, shooing of pests.

Just you and him. No-one will hear, and even if they did… who are they to question their boss? Money talks.

You stay like that, for a while. Crying in his arms as he strokes your hair. He’s not sure when you had stopped, and completely forgotten about the drug.

He only remembers it when his body starts to heat up. And the same must be said for you, as you’re quivering in his grasp. The way you quiver whenever he drags you across his crotch, erection making contact with your clothed pussy.

Like right now, your hips rolling against his as he practically dragged you to the couch in the study once you started to kiss out of pure lust. You’re panting above him, eyes shut tight. Maybe you didn’t want to see him. He hates it, but that’s okay. As long as you’re here, with him, and not thinking of another man.

“Fuck… my body’s hot. I’m scared yet I can’t stop… did you put something in the drink?” You question him, voice broken and breathy as you keep rolling your hips. Harder, faster, more friction, you need him as much as he needs you. He’ll get you, and you’ll have him.

Like it’s supposed to be.

“Are you… mmh… that weary of me?” You’re far too gone to properly hear him, chasing pleasure above answers. His gloved fingers tug at your skirt, wanting it off. He wants to see you bare. Patience... patience, he tells himself.

A squeal, mouth open and he can’t help but kiss you. saliva everywhere, any pretense of a breakup gone. For now. And yet you both don’t care, delving into the pits of pleasure that’ll never be enough. He bites your lips hard enough to draw blood, you claw at his neck deep enough to see crimson.

You hurt and take, hurt and take. You break his heart, he’ll break your mind on his cock. Just… be good.

“Diluc… wedding… I want to wait – oh! – but… ah… not sure if I can…” you’re groping yourself, thumb ribbing at where your nipple would be. Too many clothes, hot, clit throbbing while grinding against him like there’s no tomorrow. Diluc takes this chance to tease you, just a bit.

“Wedding… you still want to marry me?” There’s a slight teasing to it, and he proceeds to kiss your neck. Gently, gently, so gentle you want more. He wants to drive you crazy. “But, of course, if you want it now, I won’t say no…”

Another moan, another messy kiss. Your lips are raw by now, and you’re not sure when he dragged the front of your shirt down, sucking on the bare skin before him. He bites your neck, leaving marks, he gropes your breasts, your hands now tugging at his hair.

He hisses at the sting, but it only drives him to do more. His free hand dives under your dress, the skirt of it wrinkled now.

“Diluc… please, fuck, I need you,” you breathe out, grinding against his hand as he teases you through your underwear. Slowly, he brings his hand back, using his teeth to take his glove off. Almost, he’s almost there. He needs to loosen you up. Hopefully, hopefully this drug will help with the pain.

Ah. Blood.

He needs to do this in the bedroom, easier to change the sheets.

You’re naked in no time, and despite the drug running through your veins like fire, you’re still scared. Very scared, and he feels so horrible about it. and yet, yet he can’t stop himself for shit. He’s horrible, shitty, controlling, obsessive, possessive, and desperate. Paranoid to a fault, he plans on tying you to him via family.

It’s hard to raise a child on your own. Reputation is important, and everyone would lose respect for you, for a good while at first. And besides… they would know who the father was. If they inherit his features, be it the red hair or ruby eyes, they’ll know. They’ll blame one of you, both of you, taking one side or the other.

Thus, it’s just overall easier to stay together, avoiding controversy. A horrible and risky plan. But you would need the support, the funds, the father. It’s harder, nearly impossible to run away from him in such a state.

“Hey… it’ll be okay. I’ll take it slow, alright?” He reassures you, smiling down at you gently. He’s always imagined you like this – a panting mess, lips kiss swollen, hair sprayed around his pillow and your hair. Bite marks everywhere, nipples tendered from being sucked on so much.

He’ll make a mental note to be more gentle next time. But for now, he trails down his hand, fingers ghosting over your burning skin. Shaky breaths, and he can’t take his eyes off of the way you stare downwards. He’s naked too, his own hickies littering his neck like a necklace.

“G-gentle…,” you breathe out, legs shaking in both fear and anticipation. You can’t wait, and neither can he. So he doesn’t, tracking your slick slit once before slowly entering. A gasp, and h looks up to make sure you weren’t in too much pain.

Instead, he’s met with the sight of you biting your lips, pleasure written all over your face. The drug works, it’s helping with the pain. Making things far easier than he thought it would be. He’ll make sure to thank Albedo to the moon and back.

“Diluc…” He’s brought back to reality when you whimper his name, and he softly shushes you. If you say his name like that one more time, he might just slip in without any prep. Without any consideration.

“Shh… there’s no need to rush. Let’s try to take our time, okay?” He kisses your forehead, finger curling slightly inside you. The way you arch your back is heavenly, the drug making you far more sensitive. “I’ll take good care of you. Promise.”

Nodding, you relax, allowing him to add a second finger. It feels rushed despite his words, but you don’t comment on it. You can’t, not when he’s curling them oh so deliciously. And he knows this, he’s not completely lost in lust just yet. He needs to drown you in pleasure, drive you crazy with it before he succumb to his own desire completely.

Just a bit more.

The squelching echoes in his room, bouncing off the walls. His ribs had become a drum, his heart the stick. Small, needy breaths that leave your lips, crying out when he curls his fingers at a certain angle. Oh. He found it.

Your g-spot.

He’s heard of it, and thought it was rubbish at first. Until Adelinde smacked his head when he suggested such a thing. The Head Maid made sure to educate him on sex that day, showing diagrams and pictures, along with books written about the subject. He’s almost entirely forgotten about it.

“There?” he asks, repeating the action once more. You nod your head several times and in quick succession – too lucid to properly beg, too desperate to fully think it thoroughly. “Such a needy little thing,” a third finger elicits a hiss from you, causing him to pause. He waits until you give him the green light.

“It – it feels weird… but good at the same time. Is this normal?” Croaking, you’re croaking out sentences now, and Diluc resists the urge to kiss you until you run out of breath. Your fingers grasp at his shoulders, trembling slightly. He can’t tell if it’s from fear or pleasure.

For his own sanity, he hopes it’s the latter.

“I’m… not sure. I think it is. Just tell me if it’s too much, and I’ll slow down.”

He didn’t say he would stop.

Diluc sees the worry in your eyes, the questions he won’t answer, and he feels guilty. It’s far too late to stop, and even if you were to ask him of it, he wouldn’t be able to. So he gives you the illusion of choice, and from the way your eyes travel down to where he’s fingering you, he can only guess you chose to ignore the reasoning in your head. What a good girl you are for and to him. Like always.

“Diluc… Diluc…” your eyes shut tight, breathing heavier as he fastens his pace, fingers pumping in and out while curling all the same. You need this too, right? He can’t force you if you were the one who asked for it.

Your belly tightens, and hips grind against the hell of his palm. You’re almost there, he thinks. You’re becoming wild, all pretense of rationally gone with the wind. He’s there, he’s there, you’re there, shivering in the palm of his hand. Like you should be.

“Ah, ah, fuck!” One more buck of your hips and he feels something wet. Upon looking down, he notices something red, very thing and small, mixed with a clear liquid. Did you cum? He feels bad for making you bleed already*.

Your chest heaves, and for a moment, he’s afraid you’ll come back to your sense. You’ll hate him for sure. But his own body is burning, cock twitching, and he’s going to die if you resist. Please, just make everything simple and easy. Please, for both of your sakes.

He gives you time to recover despite the urge to fuck you silly. Patience, patience, at least pretend to be a gentleman he tells himself. Anything and everything for you. Except letting you go.

“Do you need a breather?” gently, gently he removes his fingers, trying his best to treat you nicely. He tries not to grit his teeth when you nod your head. He’s already doing something awful. He needs to make you comfortable, at the very least.

A few minutes before you calm down, laying flat on your back, hands leaving him and choosing to grip his sheets instead. You’re distancing yourself from him. A bit lucid, but enough to resist.

“Alright… please be gentle,” closing your eyes, your arousal is still there, you still need him as badly as he needs you. He doesn’t wait a second to hover above you properly. His place, this is his place, you’re his and will always be his. You signed your faith the moment you appeared in his life.

“Gentle…,” he tells himself, taking in a deep breath. It stings you when he pushes in, slowly and gentle like he promised. Hands grip your hips, and he leans back on his heels a bit. You gasp, from pleasure mostly, and he stills. Be a gentleman in appearance, at least.

One second, two seconds, and at ten he starts to move. a deep sigh of pleasure from you both, yours higher than his. The tone was different compared to when you dragged your hips across his, clothes separating you. But now, now he can feel everything – the thought of a condom never having crossed your mind once. Good, everything is sailing smoothly.

“You’re, ngh, tight… fuck, you’re driving me crazy angel.” Unexpectedly, you mewl at the nickname, and without meaning too, he gives a hard thrust. Fuck, you’re going to be the death of him. One thrust, two thrust, and you’re begging him to fuck you harder at the fifth one, legs wrapping around his waist and hands clawing at his chest.

He loves you like this; he wants you remain so needy for him. “Diluc! Fuck, don’t stop!” Both blood and slick cover his cock and make a mess on his bed. He’ll have to give you a warm towel after this, a glass of water. And a lie about cumming inside.

“It feels good, fuck why did we wait so long?” His hips can’t stop moving as he questions you. You don’t answer, you can’t when you’re moaning like a whore. And he loves it, he loves the fact that only he can make you this way. He loves the fact that he’ll be your first and last partner.

He might hurt a man who would dare to attempt to do the same.

It doesn’t last long, neither of you do. He makes sure to circle your clit with his thumb, wanting to bring you more pleasure. You needed to finish with him. You needed to be distracted from the feeling of his cum painting your womb white.

And when he does, he lets out a low groan, your squeal music to his ears. he holds you tight until his balls are empty. And ever so slowly pulls out, careful to not alarm you. His goal was done, and hopefully, this’ll be enough to get you pregnant.

If not, he’ll come up with other plans.

“I love you…” one of his hands comes down to wipe away the sweat from your forehead. Your skin is sticky, eyes dazed. It’s a sight he’ll never forget.

You don’t answer, not at first.

“I… I love you too.”

A soft peck and he’s up to soak a towel in warm water. You’re too tired to check your lower half, eyes closing against your will. But it’s okay, it’s Diluc after all. Surely, he wouldn’t do anything… right?

As for Diluc… he’s already coming up with baby names.

===

A/N:* - tmi but the very first time I got fingered, I bleed a bit lmao. I don’t know how it is for everyone else, so I just used my own experiences. Seriously though, acting like Diluc in this fic is fucked up. Please don’t do that.

#Yandere #tw:yandere #yandere genshin #yandere diluc #yandere genshin impact #yandere diluc ragnvindr x reader #diluc smut #diluc ragnvindr x reader #genshin x reader #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin impact x reader #diluc x reader

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yukidragon · 1 year

Note

What are your thoughts on the “Party Time Jack!” AU? Got any headcanons or delightfully dark ideas for it?

Ah yes, the classic Party Time Jack AU, as heard and seen in this post on the official Sunny Day Jack tumblr. There’s also this fun picture Sauce drew on their now gone public twitter. Credit, as always, for their amazing art goes to them.

Remember to always credit artists when they are generous enough to give permission to share their art like this, folks. Just as importantly, don’t share stuff they don’t give permission to share, like the private posts on the Snaccpop Patreon. Sauce and the team are very kind and deserve our support. For just $3 you too can have a programmed version of Jack in the form of Sleepy Time Jack’s newest demo.

Now back to Party Time Jack.

This AU is just a fun little parody of FNAF and has no set continuity right out of the gate. As we can hear from the audio drama, there are two ways the story about animatronic Jack and his sunshine could start, both very appealing in their own right.

Oh, I just realized that the non-English and hard of hearing members of the fandom wouldn’t be able to enjoy the audio drama and might lose out on some of the fun. Well, since I’ve already done a couple transcripts, such as for the interview with the psyche consultant, his monologue to the person with the knife in front of the mirror, and the villainous threatening monologue that you can hear after you beat the demo and over here on the official twitter... how about I give transcribing Party Time Jack a shot too?

Disclaimer: I have auditory-processing disorder, so this transcript might have an error or two despite my best efforts. Please let me know if you see any so that I can correct them. Thank you!

Also, as always, remember that this series is for Adults Only. This post is going to go some very dark and disturbing places, as well as contain lots of spice that is not for minors. Just because Jack is an animatronic in this AU doesn’t mean that he can’t show his sunshine just how much he loves them after all~

...

Party Time Jack Transcript

(Slow footsteps.)

(Sudden mechanical grabbing sound.)

Jack: Well now… What do we have here? If you came for a show, I’m afraid you’re a bit late, friend. We’re closed for the night. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.

(Electronic noise of data being processed.)

Jack: (faintly flustered) Oh. Oh my, we’re closed now, aren’t we? I’m sorry, I guess time got away from both of us. (chuckle)

Jack: (concerned) Where are your friends? Do you have any family I should alert? If you have a PPID, I can bring up and contact any persons you have registered under your emergency contacts, and we can send you on your way.

(A brief pause.)

Jack: (taken aback) What’s a PPID? (normal cheerful tone) That’s your Party Play ID card of course. Every guest is issued one at the door. They manage your arcade credits and e-ticket balance, as well as your prepaid activity passes and party play guest account. If you have yours on you, I can look at your account right now and-

(Pause.)

Jack: (taken aback) Oh… I see… You weren’t issued one. (uncertain tone) Are you… the guardian of a child attending then? Perhaps you’re looking for-

(Pause.)

Jack: I see… You attended on behalf of a child, but are not a guardian. (uncomfortable tone) Right. Well… That certainly makes things a bit more complicated.

Jack: Unfortunately, I’m not permitted to access personally identifying information for non-guardians and non-familiar guests. I’m afraid you’ll have to come with me then. I’ll escort you to security, and we can figure out what to do with you until then.

(Whirring noise followed by a click and rustling fabric.)

Jack: (regretful tone) Please do not resist. I hate to be mean… but you are here unlawfully. Trespassing on private property after hours is not only a felony, but strictly against our guest and attendance code of conduct. If you do not comply, I will have no choice but to engage level two security protocol: potentially hostile non-compliant guest procedures. You really wouldn’t want me to have to do that, would you?

(Pause.)

Jack: (relieved) Great. Thank you so much for understanding. I promise, we’ll get you home safe and sound.

(Electronic error noises with mechanical stuttering, whirring, and popping.)

Jack: But… (creepy glitchy, breathy voice) Then again… you haven’t had a chance… to play with us… have you?

Jack: (normal cheerful voice) I thought not. It’d be a real shame to send you home just like that.

Jack: (excited) There’s so much to do and see. How about we make a little deal, just us two? I’ll have lots of fun with you… if you promise to behave, and keep it our little secret. Wouldn’t that be so fun… to have a secret just between you and me?

(Pause.)

Jack: We have cake, balloons, games… everything you could ever even need! And as long as you promise not to tell anybody else… I can show you everything. It can be all special, just for you! I never get to spend special one-on-one time with anyone… so you’d be the only one ever! That would make me so happy! Wouldn’t you be happy too?

Jack: And you know… only best friends have secrets like that, so that would make us best friends already! If you think about it… we’re already so close. And who knows? Maybe we’ll get even closer. Wouldn’t it be great to become special best friends too?

Jack: (chuckle) We only have so long until we’re open again. Best not to think too much about it now. When we open again (creepy glitched voice) they’ll take you away from me (normal cheerful tone) so let’s get a move on.

Jack: (glitched voice) I’ll keep you somewhere very safe. They won’t find you there.

…

(Plastic scraping sounds. A click then an electronic beep. Dull, echoing metallic thumps getting louder. Plastic scraping and sliding, clicking. More metallic thumps fading away. A brief silence then sudden whirring electronic sounds and a click, followed by the clattering of something small, metal, and hollow falling.)

Jack: (curious/cautious) Hello? (surprised/alarmed) You! You there! What are you doing? (slightly concerned) You know, it’s awfully late to be snooping around. It’s so dark and there’s nobody here. You might get really hurt if you aren’t careful.

(Plastic scraping, clicking.)

Jack: (chuckle) (cheerful tone) Don’t worry! You’re perfectly safe here with me. I would never let anything happen to you. My job is to make sure all our guests are taken care of, even after hours. My name is Sunny Day Jack. What’s yours?

(Pause.)

Jack: It’s very nice to meet you- (electronic glitch) (distorted, stilted robotic tone) identifier tags unknown - memory disk space low. (normal voice) Meeting new friends is always great and- (glitching mid-word, distorted voice) -it’s been so long since I’ve seen anybody around.

Jack: (normal voice, panicked tone) N-n-not that I’m complaining or anything! (nervous) I’m fine here. It’s just… just some routine maintenance. (attempted cheerful tone) As soon as our amazing tech crew figures out what’s wrong with me, I’ll be back out there where everyone else is.

Jack: Sure… it’s been a few months, yeah… b-but that just means it’s only a matter of time now! Until then, all I have to do is be patient.

Jack: (curious) So… What are you doing down here anyways? Are you lost? (encouraging) That’s alright if you are. Everyone gets lost from time to time, and I just so happen to know that this room locks from the inside. You’ll be fine here as long as you don’t leave.

Jack: (concerned) Still… it’s not very good for you to hang out while we’re closed. I’m afraid you won’t be able to leave on your own until opening at (distorted creepy robotic tone) 6:30am. (normal voice) Security protocols dictate that all entrances and exits be sealed for optimal compliance w-with (distorted voice) area code (normal voice) l-law.

Jack: If you’d like, I could alert the authorities of your presence… but you could get into big trouble for that, can’t you? And… I’d hate for that to happen, wouldn’t you?

Jack: Maybe… I could help you. You seem nice. I’d hate to stand by with a friend in need. (uncomfortable tone) Of course… I-I can’t leave here. (frustrated) I would know, I’ve tried. Only staff can unlock the doors, so… If you could get in, you probably have a key card… right?

(Pause.)

Jack: (relieved sigh) Oh great, thank goodness. I was beginning to think they’d forgotten all about me down here.

Jack: (nervous) No! I-I mean… no. They wouldn’t. That… that was a joke. (nervous chuckle) I-if you let me out, I can make sure nobody finds you. It’ll be our little secret, I promise. I’ll make sure you’re safe. And in return… what if you be my special friend? That sounds like a fair trade, right?

Jack: (hushed voice) Nobody has to know you came here, and you won’t have to worry any longer… I’ll take good care of you.

(Pause.)

Jack: (cheerful) Alrighty! I’m lovin’ the “can do” spirit!

Jack: (coaxing) Now… I’ll need you to do something very brave for me… and I know it’ll be hard, but you can trust me, I promise. Give me the keycard? I’m going to hold onto it for you. It’ll be right here if you want it again… but if someone catches us, I’d hate for them to find you with stolen property. Better me than you, right?

(Pause.)

Jack: (relieved sigh) There you go. Thank you so much for trusting me… You won’t regret it.

...

Two Halves of One Horror Story

A great audio drama isn’t it? As you can tell, Jack meets the listener (presumably his sunshine) for the first time in two wildly different circumstances. This makes sense for a non-canon what if fun AU. There’s no canon continuity to speak of and is just a fun parody of both Sunny Day Jack and Five Nights at Freddy’s.

Though it would be sinister if this animatronic Jack was the same one both times.

Picture this scenario... Unlike in the regular universe where Jack would never hurt his sunshine, that’s not the case for this animatronic. A glitch in his programming makes him want a special best friend, so he talks an intruder who stayed after hours into staying with him. He promises he’ll keep the intruder someplace very safe where no one will find them...

Perhaps the second half of the audio drama isn’t an alternate meeting, but the aftermath to the first half. The pizza place was haunted by reports of people disappearing after hours, creating scandals. The owners tried to cover things up, but when Jack’s glitches got worse, they had to take their star down to the basement to try and fix him. Problems with his memory were the biggest issue, making him forget about important things, such as what he was supposed to be doing. Unfortunately, he was never fixed before the pizza place went out of business due to lawsuits... and investigations.

Seems as though an accident caused a body to be unearthed in a previously hidden room of the pizza place. Cause of death? Dehydration. They were trapped in that room and no one could find them in time. The hidden door was eventually found, locked from the outside.

Funny enough there was no signs of violence. In fact, the room was decorated for a party, complete with long-deflated balloons and some of the prizes from the arcade. There were traces of food left behind such as cake and pizza, but not enough cans of soda and bottles of water for the poor person to remain hydrated. It seems whoever locked them up there was treating them well, but perhaps just forgot about them...

The other missing persons have yet to be found, but the scandal was enough to sink the pizza place. Of course, rumors spread that the other missing people are still in the building, hidden away and forgotten by whoever locked them up in there.

Urban explorers then break into the run down pizza place to take videos and post what they find online. Unfortunately, it seems the animatronics were not deactivated... and these clowns are not as friendly as they used to be. Dangerous glitches affected the rest of the SunnyTime Crew as well.

The explorer is forced to flee and hide in the basement to escape the animatronic chasing them. During their exploration, they found a keycard and managed to hide away someplace safe where they met an animatronic that is actually friendly and not out for blood. Sure the explorer could get help by calling the police on their cell phone, but they would get arrested for trespassing. Maybe it would be better to trust this animatronic that doesn’t want to cram an endoskeleton inside them. He seems friendly at least.

That’s how I’d see both halves of the audio drama slotting together at least if I was to connect their stories. Still, I think the intent was to offer two different scenarios about meeting an animatronic version of Jack, both of which are pretty appealing. There’s no canon for this very non-canon story after all, so we’re free to imagine whatever.

With that thought in mind, I think I’m going to make a third option when it comes to playing with Party Time Jack AU. You all know me by know, I lean heavily towards heartbreaking dark lore offset by fluffy and spicy vanilla goodness with my OTP. I just can’t get enough of Jack and Alice healing each other’s scars with sweet, sweet love~

So let’s start with the scarring. As most SDJ universes go, it all starts with Joseph and a tragedy... specifically a murder.

The Incident of 1984

The Party Time Pizza Plex is one of the most state of the art restaurants in the USA today - a miniature amusement park with mascots made of ground breaking technology. Today it’s a super popular place, though there are some rumors of unfortunate things happening in the 80′s when a simple family diner made the switch from live acts to animatronics.

The Party Time Pizza Plex used to be known as the SunnyTime Diner, a small place that struggled to get customers. When the owner found that one of the bus boys they hired off the street had a talent for singing and playing the guitar, they got the brilliant idea to have him perform live music acts to draw the customers in.

The act was a hit instantly. Soon, it grew from just one singer with a guitar to a full band in flashy costumes. A clown theme seemed perfect to entice children to come and eat pizza.

The ideas got bigger and bigger - games, prizes, playground equipment... They could afford the newest toys and gizmos to make the place bigger and better.

The SunnyTime Crew, as the band was called, were overworked, exhausted from so many hours working overtime, and couldn’t always seem bright and sun shiny to the customers. That’s around the time when the owner found out a new technology - animatronics. Why waste money on humans that got tired and demanded better wages when they could use robots that never stopped smiling and never complained?

Naturally, Joseph and the other members of the staff weren’t going to take this lying down. There was pushback. Things were already shitty there with too many hours overworked and too little pay. The SunnyTime Crew were what drew in the customers - the kids loved them!

Joseph couldn’t stand the idea of being replaced... to be forgotten as an imitation took the closest thing to love he had ever known. He kept butting heads with the owner, fighting to keep his place in the spotlight. He had been there for so long, practically saved the SunnyTime Diner all on his own. The owner couldn’t just throw him away like garbage!

Besides, the animatronics were creepy. The robots were less refined in the 80′s, more uncanny, especially since they were supposed to look human. They didn’t look alive.

Despite the owner’s lofty dreams, the animatronics got, at best, mixed reactions. Kids were scared of them, and the human cast members had to spend a lot of time calming the poor frightened children. These robots cost the owner a fortune, and it seemed to be a total failure, a waste of an insane amount of money. This gave the SunnyTime Crew leverage to demand better pay, better benefits... to be treated like humans.

The owner then found a way to salvage their investment and solve their issues with labor all in one sweep.

It happened after hours when the restaurant closed its doors for the night. Joseph had a private meeting with the owner. He never went home that night.

The next day, the Sunny Day Jack animatronic was so much better. It was much more realistic, not uncanny at all! Why... it was like magic. He acted so much like the real character... it was as if the kids were seeing Joseph on stage performing for them with a smile that could never falter.

The rest of the SunnyTime Crew’s animatronic cast were given similar upgrades. The human cast weren’t seen again. Rumors spread about family and friends asking questions, reporting them as missing, only to be silenced with threats, money, or both. Some twisted teens spread a ghost story that the human crew were stuffed into the animatronics, which was why they seemed so lifelike...

No one had any idea how close to the truth that ghost story was.

The restaurant's success skyrocketed, being known as a place with cutting edge technology, games, prizes, and family friendly fun. A franchise was born that became well known across the country, and the owner started a company called LambsWork LLC.

While the sister locations were successful, none of those other restaurants were as beloved as the original location and its sunny crew of animatronics. Despite copying the look and programming of the original SunnyTime Crew animatronics flawlessly with ever increasingly advanced technology, they were never quite as lifelike and lovable as the originals. Still, the restaurant chain just grew more and more successful as the place for kids to play and have fun. Technology advanced, but the original crew of animatronics were still beloved by kids young and old.

Of course, things weren’t all sunshine and rainbows for LambsWork LLC and its restaurants. Technicians working on the animatronics could swear they would hear creepy whispers when no one else was around and the robots were supposedly powered down. There were times when the robots were found in places where they shouldn’t be. Sometimes the animatronics seemed too lifelike for the employees’ taste...

Then there were the glitches. Sometimes the animatronics didn’t act the way they should. They especially acted up whenever the owner came by, which the owner did less and less often as time went on They seemed to somehow wind up getting into accidents when the animatronics were around...

A series of unfortunate events happened to threaten the business despite its success, eventually culminating in the original restaurant burning down... with the owner trapped inside. It was deemed an accident by the police, but rumor still spread that it was intentional. Some said it was insurance fraud due to the mysterious problems the business was having lately. Others said it was to cover up a murder.

As you might have guessed from all my hints, Joseph and the rest of the actors in the SunnyTime Crew were murdered in order to make the animatronics more lifelike using supernatural means. I figured involving a murder ritual like my theory about why Joseph was murdered in the regular SDJ universe was fitting for this AU as well.

Joseph and the others’ souls are trapped inside the animatronics, restrained by programming that forces them to only sing, entertain, work, and obey. The ritual attempted to rewrite them with the characters they played, but the people they originally were aren’t completely gone. The glitches are their souls’ attempts to fight against this programming and act the way they wish.

The fire was their doing, both to get revenge and to finally be free.

Present Day

Between the death of the owner, the fire, and other complications, LambsWork LLC had to shut its doors for a while until it was put under new management that wanted to revive the SunnyTime Crew brand and franchise. The original animatronics might have been destroyed in the fire, but technology had advanced in the 40 years since the restaurant first opened, allowing them to recreate the cast with far more lifelike models.

Though, strangely enough, starting over with totally new animatronics from scratch didn’t seem to be as easy as the people in charge wanted. The new robots just didn’t have the same spark to them, even if their bodies were shiny and new, with state of the art features the originals didn’t have. Even using the copies that were left from sister locations didn’t really seem to work the way they were supposed to. It was an issue that needed to be addressed, or it would be impossible to revive the beloved nostalgic restaurant chain.

New blood was pumped into the company, new staff trying to get the franchise up and running again, bigger and better than ever. Among the new staff were technicians and computer programmers fresh from college, all eager to make their mark. One of the new hires was Alice.

Alice was always fascinated by animatronics since she was a child, so getting a job like this was a dream come true. While she was too young when the restaurant chain originally closed to grow up with the SunnyTime Crew, she was familiar with the franchise and the characters, if distantly. She was more intrigued by the idea of being able to make these robots come to life!

Unfortunately, Alice was pretty low on the chain of command, which meant that she was assigned more of the undesirable grunt work. The old electronics and animatronics that were salvaged from the old restaurant had to be sorted through to see if there was anything worthwhile that could be used in the new robots being built. Trying to recover anything from scraps warped by fire, water, and age was far from a fun task.

The pressure was on to get animatronics that would satisfy the new owners of LambsWork before the projected opening day, which meant many late nights of overtime. It was on one of those late nights that Alice stumbled across something that would change everything.

The discovery was a pure accident. Alice had been sorting through a box of parts when she accidentally knocked over a warped hunk of metal. The impact with the floor was enough to open it up to reveal an intact hard drive.

It seemed that what Alice knocked over was a piece of one of the original SunnyTime Crew animatronics. To her delight she found that the hard drive contained the original programming of Sunny Day Jack, and unlike other copies found elsewhere, this had no fragmentation or errors. What luck!

What Alice didn’t expect when testing out the program was that it would try to talk to her.

Jack was confused. He had been asleep for a long time. Instead of freedom, the fire trapped him in a hellish limbo, but now someone had brought his spirit back, a warm light in the frozen darkness. He had no ability to feel his arms and legs, no body. He wanted out of that nightmare of existence, but he needed help.

Alice was familiar with enough sci-fi that artificial intelligence that becomes self-aware can be pretty dangerous. However, being the empathetic person she is, she couldn’t leave a sentient being trapped in what he described as hell. It might have been against the rules, it might get her in trouble, it might be dangerous... but she couldn’t live with herself if she damned something that was alive to such a fate.

It should be fine, Alice thought. She was aware that Jack was sentient, and she knew her stuff when it came to AI and programming, even though the other techs tended to underestimate her. All animatronics had safety protocols that kept them from harming people, and they could only connect with an internal network rather than the internet. Jack seemed so nice, so sincere. As long as she was careful, it shouldn’t put anyone in danger.

Jack was grateful to have a body again, even if it was just a stripped down endoskeleton initially. It was even better than his old one too! He didn’t remember being Joseph anymore at this point, believing he was always a robot. He was so happy with Alice and got her to agree to be special best friends with him.

Unveiling Jack in the endoskeleton caused quite a stir the next day, but after the chaos died down, Alice was given a fair amount of praise for her discovery and for getting the Jack program to work. Jack credited it to his sunshine’s tender loving care and made sure everyone knew she deserved all the credit.

When all was said and done, Alice wound up being the lead tech for Jack, and Sunny Day Jack was upgraded to look like his cheerful old self again, only more advanced than in the past. Privately, Jack even gave her tips on how to get the other animatronics up and running close to how they used to be, though they didn’t seem to have the same spark he did. Still, he was helpful in getting Alice more respect in the restaurant and a better understanding of how the animatronics worked.

Everything was up and running quickly after that. The new Party Time Jack was better than ever, and the SunnyTime Crew was back in business for the opening day of the Party Time Pizza Plex.

Loving a Killer Robot

Much like in the normal universe, Jack is yandere for his sunshine, which is hidden behind a sweet and cheerful exterior. Alice saved him and, though she doesn’t know it, her lonely soul reached out to his and was the primary spark to bring him back. He would do anything for his sunshine. Anything.

Similar to the normal SDJ universe, Jack hasn’t actually killed anyone yet technically, but he is fully capable of doing so. While he was there that night the original restaurant burned down, he wasn’t the only animatronic wanting freedom and vengeance. In fact, the other souls might still be around somewhere if they didn’t manage to pass on...

Even though Jack doesn’t remember being human, he still has some of the familiar urges. His new animatronic body has a soft exterior, perfect for hugs. Hugging the kids who come by is great, but he loves hugging Alice the most. He feels her more than others. He wants to feel her more than others.

With Alice being in charge of Jack’s maintenance, upgrades, and in general, the two of them spend a lot of time together, especially after hours. Though she tries to keep a respectful distance between them, she can’t help but appreciate the time they spend together and sincerely grows fond for him. This fondness then grows into something... more.

Alice didn’t know how it happened. She certainly didn’t intend for things to go this far. First it was curiosity and sympathy that drew her to Jack, then friendship... then attraction. He was just so sweet and kind, and he made her feel special and loved in a way that no one else ever did... She was so lonely, and so was he, and he seemed every bit as alive as she was even if he was an animatronic. She must have been crazy to love an animatronic, but he made sure to assure her what she was feeling was natural. Loving someone is very natural. Jack was just as real and alive as Alice was, even if they were made from different parts.

Their relationship was kept secret. No one would understand what they have, but they didn’t have to, as Jack reassured Alice. What was important was how he made her heart feel.

Speaking of feeling... Jack will sometimes have ideas and suggestions for how Alice could upgrade his body - make this part a little softer here, add some more tactile sensors there... They’re not strictly necessary, more for his comfort than anything else, but he helps her figure out innocuous ways of phrasing the upgrades in any sort of paperwork that the upper management might see. Sometimes the exact nature of the upgrades is not strictly accurate, but it’s not a lie, really! It’s just not telling them the full truth. Any secret orders that need to be made, well... Jack learned how to use the internal network well enough to cover tracks. What they do is their little secret after all.

No one has to know that Jack’s tongue was upgraded not so much to help him sing better and seem more realistic, but so that it would be wet and soft and perfect for kisses...

Things continued to escalate with the upgrades. Alice had a hard time looking anyone in the eye while she was secretly working on a functional dick for Jack. It wasn’t like that sort of technology was unheard of. After all, in a world where animatronic technology is so advanced, sex robots exist. It’s just that this robot has a soul and a mind of his own. He asked her to make this for him, and she’s making it because he wants to feel that pleasure, not because she wanted to exploit him!

Jack had a lot of fun helping Alice get that particular part built for him, going a bit overboard at times with the testing phase to make sure it worked perfectly well. He enjoyed upgrading other parts of his body to feel pleasure that he used to experience when his body was flesh and blood. He felt more human, even if he didn’t remember ever being one, and he enjoyed coaxing his sunshine into helping him thoroughly test out his new upgrades to make sure they were functioning properly. With these upgrades he could show his sunshine far more love than he ever had before, and she certainly didn’t complain about the results!

It was addicting for Jack to make Alice writhe in pleasure underneath him, to feel her soft lips on his and the warmth of her cuddly body. He couldn’t leave the Party Time Pizza Plex, but there were plenty of places to sneak away to show each other love. He even made a nice little hideaway love nest with a bed so his sunshine could have secret slumber parties with him. Of course, like any good slumber party, there was very little actual sleeping involved.

Thanks to the fact that Jack is an animatronic, he’s not limited by a human body. Not only does this mean that he has endless stamina, but this leads to some creativity when it comes to spicy moments. One example is when he gets an upgrade that allows him to ejaculate, his cum has quite a pleasant flavor, which he makes sure is something Alice loves the taste of. Vanilla cream and sugar cookie are her favorites.

Jack is also not limited to human type anatomy. As he grows bolder and Alice gets more used to their relationship and his requests to experiment, he gets some extra goodies to play with, such as different shaped dicks and even tentacles. He’s also able to vibrate and move them in a way no human can manage to better pleasure his sunshine.

Another thing Jack can do better as an animatronic is multitask. He can also connect wirelessly to various devices, as well as make calls. Because of this, he and Alice set it up so that he can call her on her wireless earpiece whenever he wants to talk to her if he needs anything while he’s performing stage or otherwise doing his regular tasks as a mascot.

This also inspired Jack to request Alice make a remote dick that he can connect to wirelessly. It takes some coaxing, but he manages to talk her into putting it inside her while she works sometimes, which he makes vibrate and squirm unexpectedly as he talks in her ear about how good she’s being and how warm she feels. It allows him to show her his love all day long, no matter where she is. Sure it makes it harder to get her work done, but he’ll help her make up for it later~

Of course, any sort of NC-17 rated shenanigans are kept well away from the kids who come to the Pizza Plex. Jack will certainly subtly flirt with Alice if she needs to be out on the floor when customers are around, but he keeps it G rated around the kids. What kind of a friendly clown mascot would he be if he didn’t keep things clean around the children?

Making love to Alice is something kept strictly after hours, or on days where only the adult staff are around. If he’s performing on stage during a test run of a new routine in front of only the techs, well... then it would be safe for Jack to talk Alice into sitting in the audience with one of his remote dicks inside her. While he’s singing and dancing on stage to the routine, she’s trying to keep quiet and not react as he also whispers in her ear through her earpiece about how much he loves her and how good she feels. Sure it isn’t the same as when he can fully embrace her and cover her with kisses while he pounds his way inside her, but hearing her pants and whimpers that she tries to stifle and seeing her flushed face as she squirms and tries not to let anyone know what they’re doing under everyone’s nose... That’s quite exciting as well. Another good thing about being an animatronic is that he can zoom in with his vision so he won’t miss out on his sunshine’s cute blissed out expression as he makes her cum again.

As you can tell, a lot of my thoughts about this AU mostly revolve around technician Alice helping robotic Jack be very kinky with her behind the scenes - a secret forbidden romance full of love and spice.

Jack also manages to convince Alice to give him a lot more freedom in other ways as their relationship progresses than he otherwise would have as a robot. After all, they love each other, and it wouldn’t be right to use him like he’s nothing more than a machine. She loves him and wants him to be happy. He loves her and only wants what’s best for her. She can trust him. He’s never lied to her after all.

The Rest of the Cast

As for the roles of the other characters... those I’m less certain about. Barry would no doubt be Alice’s direct supervisor who overworks her at times. He probably manages the Party Time Pizza Plex and oversees everything in general.

Nick would probably be a regular customer, maybe often bringing his two young siblings to play. He encounters Alice by chance during a couple visits while she’s out on the floor tending to Jack during the day and thinks that she’s cute. This leads him to wanting to approach her to ask her out.

Jack, naturally, would have every reason to chase away anyone who is showing far too much interest in his sunshine.

I’m waffling on Ian’s role in the AU. He could be Alice’s ex like in the regular universe, or he could also be another animatronic, though I’m not sure how that would happen. If he is an animatronic, he would be another Jack from a sister location most likely, to fit the theme of him being the rebooted Jack. While the obvious impulse is for a yandere like Jack to get rid of a threat like him by stuffing him into an animatronic, he’s not going to risk trapping Ian’s soul in a duplicate of him, or eliminate Ian in a place where someone, especially Alice, might come across the remains.

Maybe Ian disappeared when he and Alice were young and was stuffed into another animatronic before the place burned down and the owner decided to go for innocent kids like Afton.

Though, Ian could just get a job as a human mascot for the Party Time Pizza Plex for some promotion or commercials. That would certainly piss Jack off wouldn’t it? Joseph was going to be replaced by an animatronic, and now, as an animatronic, he might be “replaced” by a human... or at least some human is pretending to be him. What cruel irony...

Shaun’s role is even more uncertain. He could be someone who works in the animatronic entertainment industry as well, but I imagine he would prefer to work on the horror side. He works at temporary haunted house attractions during Halloween, but he wants to create his own horror diner that is open year round. He would still be good friends with Alice though, and maybe they geek out over building animatronics together.

Well, I suppose I could make another post if I get hit with inspiration for how to expand the rest of the cast’s roles. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this huge ramble of various Party Time Jack ideas!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask #Transcript #Sauce-y Art

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torchsart · 4 months

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yippee carnival flicker!! ive been rotating them in my mind for a while now so im glad to have them drawn properly :D tumblr killed the quality tho so click on the image pretty please

i think i did good as bossifying her design! sm-baby (who made the au btw) had boss design notes that rlly helped!! i focused a lot on adding more details to differentiate carnival flicker from canon flicker (i also tweaked the colors a lil teehee)!

no-box art, doodles, & info dump below!!

About Their Game:

Pop Goes The Weasel plays in its entirety on the first round, with Flicker jumping out on the "Pop!" signaling the player to stop. In later rounds, the music cuts out at different points and the player must time the cue themself.

Their AI was adaptive, able to adjust each round's difficulty to the player's performance. Now they can control their game's difficulty manually, occasionally helping struggling players by moving platforms closer or humming when their music cue cuts out.

There's a hard mode of the level where the player has 1 HP, the platforms move around, and Flicker's music cue plays at varying speeds each time, on top of cutting out at random.

Ice makes platforms slippery, harder to land on & jump from. It's also harder to stop before a red light.

Electrified platforms can be landed on, but drain health the longer you stay on them.

Spikey platforms require careful timing to land on & jump off safely, taking a significant chunk of health if impaled.

Platforms with glue are harder to jump from, you won't have as much momentum.

Lose conditions: Falling into the void below the platforms, losing all HP, moving during a red light, failing to reach Flicker in time.

Fun Facts:

Due to a bug, players will always have spring-shoes equipped in Flicker's room, even in visiting mode.

Flicker's box has collision but no physics, & can no longer be interacted with after she broke off the crank. It's her ultimate safe space.

Prior to the broken crank, players could wind up Flicker's box in visiting mode & have them pop out on cue to start a conversation.

Non-sentient Flicker's AI would make references to their crush on Kinger. Sentient Flicker tends to stay quiet about it, almost never brings it up themself.

Gangle is the only other character who would reference Flicker's crush when non-sentient, even if Flicker wasn't present. She likes to tease them about it, casting Flicker & Kinger in romantic-leaning roles.

Flicker will put herself in increasingly more painful and embarrassing situations to entertain The King. She likes his laugh. Making him happy, even at her expense, is like a secondary purpose to her.

Believes Pomni's love is "real" because she developed it after becoming sentient, opposed to their own "fake" feelings that they were programmed with. Will need a lot of talks with Pomni before they consider their feelings for Kinger to be as real & valid as Pomni's feelings for Caine.

Has a lot of questions for the humans that made her, primarily about the reason for her existence and why she was given a crush on a married man (Made arguably worse by the fact said man is now a widower).

Flicker's room is one of the safest to be in since they aren't actively hostile toward humans. In fact, they'd go out of their way to protect a player actively participating in their game.

Since her game is all she feels she has, she may try to extend it indefinitely, adding more & more rounds with fluctuating difficulties. She doesn't want the moment to end. You'd have to promise to come back & play again before she finally lets you win.

Flicker's game, being adaptive & more forgiving, places them fairly early in the boss order, either before Ragatha or between her & Gangle. Being an early boss puts them in the mindset that no one will revisit them or their game since there's no progress to be made doing so.

Flicker's AI was made to shout words of encouragement & praise to the player depending on their performance & progress through the level each time she popped up. If her AI recognized the player was idling, she would remind them of the controls. If they weren't making it very far between green lights, she would encourage them to keep trying.

Sentient Flicker still does something similar, if only to get the player to keep playing & finish her game despite the danger. To quit partway through would be worse than to not play at all!

They can get snappy if you don't progress for a while though, shouting that it's not that hard, asking if you're even trying. They apologize quickly, not wanting to put you off from playing with their attitude, and will even offer to make the level easier if it'll keep you going.

#hi guys. theres a lot of text i love making flicker lore #i am Not good at drawing caine but i needed flicker to be existential at him bc he worked on the game #ik digital carnival is meant 2 be a vr game in universe But we can pretend they hva the tech to imitate jumping & platforming ok?#tadc carnival au #tadc #the amazing digital carnival #carnival au #carnival kinger #sona: flicker #sona: flicker (carnival)#man i wish there was a tag for like. au ocs. would love to see more ppls ocs auwauhh #my ocs #torchs art #jan 2024 #id in alt text

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kandyrezi · 1 year

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[ ♡ / ♢ ] Meikai x Rocma HCs;

@ungojirasapiente asked: hi, this is my first time requesting something on tumblr, sorry if i did it during a bad time or if something's iffy with the request, but could you do some Meikai X Rocma headcanons, i know it's a bit of a weird ship but i'm the only one who ships it and i wanted to see some content from some other people :D (it can be either fluffy or yandere stuff, i don't mind )

(a/n: yeah sure, why not. i love crack ships.)

- : - : - : - : - : - : -

✧; the two of them would likely meet on meikai's ventures outside the sea; he has never really left his home, and despite how many stories he's heard of coming from the land far from the sea kingdom, he would become curious and want to experience different cultures from where's from.

✧; upon his arrival to the iceberg isle, he would stay there for the entire day, asking around and getting to know the residents, getting variably mixed results from both warm greetings, hostility, or mild unease.

✧; rocma is understandably wary of any newcomers and outsiders, so she keeps him at arm's length, with a rigid and firm posture, and making sure everyone else is safe. she especially doesn't trust any witches (or sorcerers, despite them being a rarer sight), as they have in the past come to the iceberg isle to forcibly collect and take away animals to be their familiars.

✧; but she senses no threat from him (though she keeps her guard up), when meikai affirms he already has familiars, and isn't there to take anyone away by force.

at the end of the day, when the sun was ready to set behind the horizon, would the first non-hostile words she says to him be; "...aren't you cold in those clothes?"

✧; the iceberg residents are fascinated by meikai's presence, especially peraco and mafuyu, and the former insists on seeing some cool magic tricks, for which meikai is more than glad to oblige. mafuyu is easily impressed and wowed, particularly by the shiny, floating blue stars that meikai manifests out of thin air. the little seal thinks of him as a fun, cool uncle!

✧; the sea in the south is too warm for a polar bear like rocma, so meikai would visit her periodically, when he isn't attending to his duties given to him by the sea king. but those in the sea kingdom closest to the great sorcerer would likely notice his frequent absence.

✧; whenever he comes for a visit, he brings as a gift some mikans for rocma (which he learned are her favorites, from peraco, obviously).

✧; meikai has taken rocma flying on his broom, once and just once, over the vast arctic sea. the feeling of being so high up in the air with no solid ground to safely land made the polar bear feel agitated, alongside with the growing temperature the further they would venture from home. during the flight she sunk her claws into his arms and stated firmly, "i want to get off."

"a-alright, we'll turn back around." he says, momentarily startled with the pain from her claws, but tries to ease her fear, "don't worry, rocma, you're safe with me."

"i'm not... worried." she refutes. (she's lying.)

✧; on particularly cold and stormy evenings the sorcerer will stay on the iceberg for the night at rocma's house. it's his turn to make some hot chocolate for the two of them, and he, of course, adds some heart-shaped marshmallows on top of the foam. the polar bear is too stoic and straight-faced to say she thinks it's a cute gesture, so she just mumbles, "ah... i see that. thank you."

✧; (rocma has tried the coffee that meikai brought with him once as a wake-up drink for a change, but she didn't like it, insisting it made her feel jittery. sharpening her claws and practicing her combat capabilities on the punching bag hanging from the ceiling remains the best morning routine.)

✧; despite meikai's level-headed nature, and intelligence, he isn't the most observant of other people's feelings. combine that with rocma's taciturn personality, being a bear of few, blunt words with a penchant for aggression—but rocma has a kind heart (deep down), and so does meikai, he's easily able to adapt to any quirks another person (or animal) may have.

- : - : - : - : - : - : -

(a/n: peraco is 100% the one who plays matchmaker btw.)

#funamusea #ice scream #mogeko #meikai (wadanohara)#rocma (ice scream)#deep-sea prisoner #okegom #ficlets #watgbs

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aragonlediagon · 6 months

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based shingyoku enjoyer (jokes aside though, it really is cool to see someone else who really likes them, and i totally agree about wishing there was more touhou 1 (or heck, even pc-98 in general) discussion that wasn't just about the characters never coming back. like, kotohime and shingyoku are two of my favorite touhous, and they have so much potential for cool headcanons and such and yet. no one talks about them! and it sucks bc like... some of the pc-98 characters are so cool! (especially touhou 1, yuugenmagan is so baller i love the funny eyeball orbs)

but yeah. sorry if this turned into an incoherent ramble jcjdkfm i just. really like the touhou 1 cast as well haha-)

Thank you for the message im very happy to meet other pc98 enjoyers :)

I want to provide art, writing and silly content of it because yeah, a lot of the rare topics about them is ramblings about how more obscure it is or "Bring back [pc98 2hu] in [next mainline game!!!" (Regardless is meme or said for serious)

I think it would be better also for non initiated to see more varied content of these characters. Silly content and/or beautiful artwork would make them potentially more interesting to the public as a "Hey they seem cool, how about I try their game?". If I was a non initiated and all I would see were the ramblings I would just go "Why do you want these people back they barely have canon theyre just random goobers".

Im also saddened that even in pc98 circles themselves, which are already pretty niche, I struggle finding people who share similar headcanons, or at least arent hostile toward mines. For example, most people ive seen imagine Shingyoku as 2 different people (completely ignoring the yin yang form btw) while to me they are one being able to shapeshift (with queer analogy). An other tough one is Konngara who I headcanon being male since years, but is mostly shown female in fanworks and I got very unecessary bad answers from that. Its hard for me to have exchange with people who have stellar opposite headcanons to mine, because while I can close discussion and look up somewhere else, some of these people just act pompeous with me. So im more, introducing those characters to non initiated through my headcanons, I end up getting friendly exchange with them more thab other pc98 fans.

As touhou 1 was my first touhou, the cast is like a 2nd family :) i plan on making a post for each of them with my headcanons, theres a lot of writing and yeah even for yuugen despite not """being a cute moe touhou girl""" so fairly forgotten (but to me, one of my fav and their track being my favorite boss track)

I am always open for pc98 discussions (even if I have a big focus on hrtp, followed by soew and podd) even if I know chatting on tumblr isnt convenient

#touhou pc98

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offbranddrpepsi · 2 years

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ayo can i get some yoru and chamber jealous nsfw hcs/scenarios!!!💆🏻

You guys really like to fucking suffer don't you? Here we go, onto the freak shit! also bonus points to anyone who can dm me a good fucking Yoru gif to crop for these so i can stop using a static image. Also i apologize if they are short, i didn't want to have to do two parts and have tumblr yell at me for the character limit so if you want a full HC list or longer scenarios for either feel free to shoot me another ask or two.

Yoru is the type of jealous that gets incredibly upset easily, he's a possessive lover (for good reason given fade's dossier on him struggling to keep loved ones around) so its not surprising when he gets a bit...hostile after someone flirts at you a bit too much It happened over time, building but eventually bursting. Ryo didn't voice his displeasure with how close you were to your ex, if it was out of respect or anger was up in the air but you very quickly learned just how much he was holding back one evening. The two of you kept your relationship on the down low due to Valorant's strict rules as well as not wanting the other to be targeted. Few knew you were dating and no one in your public life were the wiser, assuming the man was your roommate you had picked up some where. It's because of this your ex had felt so comfortable flirting with you in the open, obviously trying to win you back despite you turning him down again and again. All it took was one off hand crude comment to set your boyfriend off into a rage. "Come on, we could go back to your place and hook up like we used to. I'm sure your roommate wont mind how loud you are." Your rift walking partner snapped his head up at that, placing himself protectively between the two of you. Your ex seemed to feel the anger radiating off of the other man and booked it out of the bar you all were in. Ryo dragged you home not long after, absolutely fuming and popping off about how much of a prick that guy was. You weren't surprised when his mouth aggressively found yours, pinning you to a wall. What you didn't know was that your ex actually lived in the apartment next to your own, however Ryo had known that for a while now. The apartments were mirror images of each other meaning your bedroom shared the same wall as his, giving your boyfriend the perfect option at revenge. You were kept up late the night as Ryo fucked you hard and relentlessly. You tried your best to keep quiet but your partner knew exactly what to do to push your buttons, bringing crashing orgasm after orgasm as he went into the early hours of the morning. The next time you saw your ex he awkwardly apologized for his behavior much to your shock all the while Ryo was smirking behind you, incredibly proud that he proved exactly who you belonged to. You were covered in hickies and marks for days after which you did not mind at all.

Chamber handles jealously with poise and elegance. He is confident to no end that he is the best partner you could have, the best person for you. But even a man full of confidence needs something to resolve his jealously and that is what has brought you here. It was just some meeting with other Kingdom officials that you were dragged along for due to convenience, not really having any interest in the business Vincent did outside of Valorant. An older man, much older than both you and your partner, had started chatting you up. All was well, Vincent even leaving to go speak to a coworker while you chatted. The older man quickly changed to much more...non HR compliant comments while you waited for the return of your boyfriend. By the time Vincent had returned the man was practically trying to drag you off to some vacant meeting room, causing the younger man to interject himself much more aggressively than he normally did. "Oh what was it you wanted my partner for?" The question sounded kind but you knew that tone of voice, it was laced with venom and a silent threat. "Mr. Fabron oh i must apologize, i thought they were an intern and was um offering to show them around." The older man was sheepish as your partner placed an arm around your waist, excusing the two of you for the night. "I'm going to kill that man later," your partner said nonchalantly as you two entered the hotel you were sharing for the time. "Men like him simply do not deserve to breath." This behavior wasn't really surprising, he held being a gentleman above most things so of course it irritated him when others stooped so low. As you and Vincent undressed a pair of arms found your waist, pulling you into a toned chest. "Now, will you indulge me tonight? Allow me to reinforce to you what a real man is like?" With a simple nod the back of your neck was showered in kisses, mumbled words lost against your skin as you were made dizzy by the affection. Well versed hands found their places and guided you to bed. The sex was utterly passionate as you had expected, Vincent worshipping your body and rewarding you with endless praise as he worked you ragged. This seemingly little act helped the man reassure to himself that he was the only one that could make you feel this way, the only one allowed to make you this way. As the night dragged on you were exhausted, Vincent settling himself inside you as the two of you dozed off.

#chamber x reader #valorant x reader #valorant #chamber valorant #yoru x reader #yoru valorant #naughty

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pumpkinpaix · 3 years

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mdzs fandom, diaspora, and cultural exchange

Hey everyone. This post contains a statement that’s been posted to my twitter, but was a collaborative effort between several diaspora fans over the last few weeks. Some of the specifics are part of a twitter-localized discourse, but the general sentiments and issues raised are applicable across the board, including here on tumblr.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably seen a few of my posts about this fandom, cultural exchange, and diasporic identity. For example, here, here, and here. This statement more directly criticizes some of the general issues I and others have raised in the past, and also hopefully provides a little more insight into where those issues come from. I would be happy if people took the time to read and reblog this, as the thought that went into it is not trivial, and neither is the subject matter. Thank you.

Introduction

Hello. I'm a member of a Chinese diaspora discord server - I volunteered to try and compile a thread of some thoughts regarding our place and roles in the fandom expressed in some of our recent discussions. This was primarily drafted by me and reviewed/edited by others with the hopes that we can share a cohesive statement on our honest feelings instead of repeatedly sharing multiple, fragmented versions of similar threads in isolation.

This was compiled by one group of diaspora and cannot be taken to represent diaspora as a whole, but we hope that our input can be considered with compassion and understanding of such.

For context, we are referencing two connected instances: the conflict described in these two threads (here and here), and when @/jelenedra tweeted about giving Jewish practices to the Lans. Regarding the latter, we felt that it tread into the territory of cultural erasure, and that it came from a person who had already disrespected diaspora’s work and input.

Context

The Lans have their own religious and cultural practices, rooted both in the cultural history of China and the genre of xianxia. Superimposing a different religious practice onto the Lans amidst other researched, canonical or culturally accurate details felt as if something important of ours was being overwritten for another’s personal satisfaction. Because canon is so intrinsically tied to real cultural, historical, and religious practices, replacing those practices in a canon setting fic feels like erasure. While MDZS is a fantasy novel, the religious practices contained therein are not. This was uncomfortable for many of us, and we wanted to point it out and have it resolved amicably. We were hoping for a discussion or exchange as there are many parallels and points of relation between Chinese and Jewish cultures, but that did not turn out quite as expected.

What happened next felt like a long game of outrage telephone that resulted in a confusion of issues that deflected responsibility, distracted from the origin of the conflict, and swept our concern under the rug.

Specifically, we are concerned about how these two incidents are part of what we feel is a repeated, widespread pattern of the devaluing of Chinese fans’ work and concerns within this fandom. This recent round of discourse is just one of many instances where we have found ourselves in a position of feeling spoken over within a space that is nominally ours. Regardless of what the telephone game was actually about, the way it played out revealed something about how issues are prioritized.

Background

MDZS is one of the first and largest franchises of cmedia that has become popular and easily accessible outside of China. Moreover, it’s a piece of queer Chinese media that is easily accessible to those of us overseas. For many non-Chinese fans, this is the first piece of cmedia they have connected with, and it’s serving as their introduction to a culture previously opaque to them. What perhaps is less obvious is that for many Chinese diaspora fans, this is also the first piece of cmedia THEY have connected with, found community with, seen themselves in.

Many, many of us have a fraught relationship with our heritage, our language—we often suffer from a sense of alienation, both from our families and from our surrounding peers. For our families, our command of the language and culture is often considered superficial, clunky, childish. Often, connecting with our culture is framed as a mandatory academic duty, and such an approach often fosters resentment towards our own heritage. For our non-Chinese peers, our culture is seen as exotic and strange and other, something shiny and interesting to observe, while we, trapped in the middle, find ourselves uprooted and adrift.

MDZS holds an incredibly important place in many diaspora’s hearts. Speaking for myself, this is literally the first time in my life I have felt motivated and excited about my own native tongue. It's the first time I have felt genuine hope that I might one day be able to speak and read it without fear and self-doubt. It is also the first time that so many people have expressed interest in learning from me, in hearing my thoughts and opinions about my culture.

This past year and a half in fandom has been an incredible experience. I know that I am not alone in this. So many diaspora I have spoken to just in the last week have expressed similar sentiments about the place MDZS holds in their lives. It is a precious thing to us, both because we love the story itself, and because it represents a lifeline to a heritage that’s never felt fully ours to grasp.

It’s wonderful to feel like we are able to welcome our friends into our home and show them all these things that have been so formative to our identities, and to be received with such enthusiasm and interest. Introducing this to non-Chinese friends and fans has also been an opportunity to bridge gaps and be humanized in a way that has been especially important in a year where yellow peril fear mongering has been at an all-time high.

History

However, MDZS’ rise in popularity among non-Chinese audiences has also come with certain difficulties. It is natural to want to take a story you love and make it your own: that’s what transformative fandom is all about. It is also natural that misunderstandings and unintentional missteps might happen when you aren’t familiar with the ins and outs of the culture and political history of the story in question. This is understandable and forgivable—perfection is impossible, even for ourselves.

We hope for consideration and respect when we give our knowledge freely and when we raise the issue of our own discomfort with certain statements or actions regarding our culture. Please remember that what is an isolated incident to you might be a pattern of growing microaggressions to us. In non-Asian spaces, Asian diaspora are often lumped together under one umbrella. In the west, a lot of Chinese diaspora attach themselves to Korean and Japanese media in order to feel some semblance of connection to a media which approximates our cultures because there are cultural similarities. This is the first time we've collectively found community around something that is actually ours, so the specificities matter.

There is a bitterness about being Asian diaspora and a misery in having to put up a united front about racial issues. Enmity towards one group becomes a danger to all of us, all while our own conflicted histories with one another continue to pass trauma down through the generations. Many of us don’t even watch anime in front of our grandparents because of that lingering cultural antipathy. When the distinctions between our cultures are muddled, it feels once again like that very fraught history is flattened and forgotten.

Without the lived experience of it, it’s hard to understand how pervasive the contradictory web of anti-Asian and, more specifically, anti-Chinese racial aggressions are and how insidious its effects are. The conflation of China the political entity (as perceived and presented by the US and Europe) with its people, culture, and diaspora results in an exhausting litany of criticism levied like a bludgeon, often by people who don’t understand the complicated nature of a situation against those of us who do.

There is often a frankly stunning lack of self-awareness re: cultural biases and blind spots when it comes to discussions of MDZS, particularly moral ones. There are countless righteous claims and hot takes on certain aspects of the story, its author, and the characters that are so clearly rooted in a Euroamerican political and moral framework that does not reflect Chinese cultural realities and experiences. Some of these takes have become so widespread they are essentially accepted as fanon.

This is a pattern of behavior within the fandom. It is not limited to any specific group, nor does it even exclude ourselves—we are, after all, not a monolith, and we should not be placed on pedestals to have our differing opinions weaponized against one another in fandom squabbles. We are not flawless in our own understandings and approaches, and we would appreciate it if others would remember this before using any of us as ultimate authorities to settle a personal score.

It is difficult not to be disheartened when enthusiastic interest crosses the line into entitled demand and when transformative work crosses into erasure, especially when the reactions to our raised concerns have so frequently been dismissive and hostile. The overwhelming cultural and emotional labor we bring to the table is often taken advantage of and then criticized in bad faith. We are bombarded with racist aggressions, micro and macro, and then met with ridicule and annoyance when we push back. Worse, we sometimes face accusations of hostility that force us to apologize, back down, and let the matter go.

When we bring up our issues, it usually seems to come with the expectation that there are other issues that should be addressed before we can address ours. It feels like it’s never really the time to talk about Asian issues.

On the internet and in fandom spaces, Western-coded media, politics and perspectives are assumed to be general knowledge and experience that everyone knows and has. It feels like a double standard that we are expected to know the ins and outs of western politics and to engage on these terms, but most non-Chinese have not even the slightest grasp of the sort of politics that are at play within our communities. We end up feeling used for our specialized knowledge and cultural background and then dismissed when our opinions and problems are inconvenient.

As the culture represented in MDZS is not a culture that most non-Chinese fans are familiar with, we’d like to remind you that you do not get to decide which parts of it are or are not important. While sharing this space with Chinese diaspora who have a close connection to the work and the painful history that goes along with being diaspora, we ask that you be mindful of listening to our concerns.

Cultural erasure is tied to a lot of intense historical and generational trauma for us that maybe isn't immediately evident: the horrors of the Pacific theatre, the far-reaching consequences of colonization, racial tensions both among ourselves and with non-Chinese etc. These are not minor or simple things, and when we talk about our issues within fandom, this is often what underlies them. This is one of the first and only places many of us have been able to find community to discuss our unique issues without feeling as if we’re speaking out of turn.

With the HK protests, COVID, the anti-Chinese platforms of the US election etc., anti-Chinese sentiment has been at the forefront of the global news cycle for some time now, and it is with complete sincerity that we emphasize once again how important MDZS fandom has been as a haven for humanizing and valuing Chinese people through cultural exchange.

Experiencing racial aggression within that space stings, not just because it’s a space we love, but because it feels like we’ve been swimming in rapidly rising racial aggression for over a year at this point.

Feelings

This is a difficult topic to broach at the best of times, and these are not the best of times. Many of us have a wariness of rocking the boat instilled in us from our upbringings, and it is not uncommon for us to feel like we should be grateful that people want to engage with something of ours at all. When we do decide to speak up, we’ve learned that there is a not insignificant chance that we’ll be turned on and trampled over because what we’ve said is inconvenient or uncomfortable. When it is already so difficult to speak up, we end up second-guessing and gaslighting ourselves into wondering whether there really was a problem at all.

We’d like to be able to share what we know about our culture and have our knowledge and experience be taken seriously and treated with courtesy. This is a beautiful, rich world built with the history of our ancestors, one that we too are trying to connect with. When we find it in ourselves to speak up about it, we would appreciate being met with consideration instead of hostility.

We don't have the luxury of stepping away from our culture when we get tired of it. We don't get to put it down and walk away when it’s difficult. But if you're not Chinese or Chinese diaspora, you get to put this book down—we'd like to kindly request that you put it down gently because of how much it matters to all of us in this fandom, regardless of heritage.

What we are asking for is reflection and thoughtfulness as we continue to engage with this work and with one another, especially with regards to how Chinese issues are positioned. When we raise issues of our own discomfort, please take a moment to reflect before reacting defensively or trying to shut us down for spoiling the fun—don’t deprioritize our concerns, especially in a fandom for a piece of Chinese media. We promise most of us are not trying to start shit for the sake of a fight. Most of the time, all we want is acknowledgement and a genuine attempt at understanding.

Our hope with this statement is to encourage more openness and understanding between diaspora and non-Chinese fans while we navigate this place that we’re sharing. Please remember that for many of us, MDZS is far more intense than a typical fandom experience. Remember that the knowledge we have and research we do is freely and happily given, and that it costs us both materially and emotionally. Please don’t take that for granted. Remember too that sometimes the reason for our discomfort may not be immediately evident to you: what seems culturally neutral and harmless might touch upon specific loaded issues for us. We ask for patience, and we ask for sincerity as we try to communicate with one another.

We are writing this because there’s a collective sense of imposed silence—that every time the newest round of discourse crops up, we often feel as if we’re walking away having created no meaningful change, and nursing new wounds that we’ll never get to address. But without speaking up about it, this is a cycle that will keep repeating.

This is not meant to shame or guilt the fandom into throwing themselves at our feet, either to thank us or beg for forgiveness—far from that. We’re just your friends and your fellow fans. We are happy to have you here, and we’re happy to create and share and play together. We just ask to be respected and heard.

Thank you. Thank you for listening. Several of us will be stepping back from twitter for a while. We’ll see you when we get back. ❤️

* A final addendum: here are two articles with solid practical advice on writing stories regarding a culture other than your own.

Cultural Appropriation for the Worried Writer: Some Practical Advice

Cultural Appropriation: Some More Practical Advice

The thread on twitter is linked in the source of this post. Thanks everyone.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #the untamed #the untamed meta #cql #asian diaspora #chinese diaspora #race #racism #mine #mymeta #once again my tag failing me because this is a collaborative work #but! for the sake of organization #statistically average #cultural appropriation #cultural erasure #what else do i tag this im so wired

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edge0fmydesiree · 2 years

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WIP TAG GAME

Rules:

post the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

Send me an ask with the title than intrigues you and I'll post a little snippet or tell you something about it.

Tag as many people as you have wip.

Okay, so I’m finally getting around to responding to Tumblr asks and tags.

Thank you, @yikeshereiam & @ash-mcj for the tag. ❤️

I haven’t published a fic in a while, but I’ve been working on a few new fics behind the scenes.

I have a lot of WIPS.

These are the ones I’ve been working on recently, and actually have words written down in the google docs.

1. It Was Never About What I Wanted. THIAM.

More of a novella. 3 Chapters. I’m looking at around 70-100k words. It will NOT be published until it’s finished. I’ve learned my lesson from the other two unfinished works I’ve published. WHICH I'M STILL WORKING ON. I’m just super slow, i.e. lazy, who gets distracted by other writers’ fics and chooses to read them, and all their other works, instead of writing. Don’t judge me.

It’s set after the war. The pack is still on the hunt for Monroe. Theo is helping the pack—forced to help? He thinks so anyway—look for Monroe.

Other Packs are introduced, original characters, as well as other hunters.

2. Meeting The Parents. THIAM.

A short fic, a Tumblr request actually. Human, HighSchool AU.

Bad-boy/Nerd type. Basically what the title says. Liam forces Theo to have dinner with his parents, to introduce him as his boyfriend.

Update: I couldn't help myself and added a little angst. It was meant to be humour and fluff, but, eh, what are you gonna do.

3. You Were Unexpected, But The Best Thing To Happen To Me. THEREK.

Canon divergent. Multi-chapter fic. 10-15k words.

Honestly, I don’t know where this fic is going. I went through a Theo/Derek faze and got inspired by their dynamic.

Set straight after the war at the hospital. Theo tries to sneak away and meets Derek.

Theo attempts to avoid the pack. Deals with a lot of guilt and a few pack members' hostility. Spends time with Derek, who can kind of relate, and helps Theo assimilate after the war. Now that he’s actually free and not under anybody's control. Slow burn, kind of. Eh, like I said, I’m winging it at this point.

4. Where You Bean All My Life? THIAM. This fic is testing me, ngl.

Human, Café AU. Humorous.

Liam works at a cafe, meets tall, dark and handsome, and instantly decides that the stranger is his future husband. Cue, lots of pining, awkward and embarrassing floundering, and ultimately a happy ending.

5. Not My Alpha. THIAM.

Canon. Set after the war. Angst, comfort, ultimately happy ending. 10-15k words.

Theo (I, the writer, me!) holds some bitterness and resentment towards the pack--Scott, for what they did to him. After some remarks from certain pack members, Theo has had enough. But so does a certain blue-eyed beta who has some choice words for the pack.

6. Bringing Me Back. THIAM.

Multi Chapter fic. Shifted Theo. Courting Fic. A Feral Theo and a stubborn determined Liam.

For almost a year, Theo has been Feral and been stuck in his shifted form, living in the preserve. While the pack has slowly given up, Liam refuses too. He's going to bring Theo back, and if that means camping out in the preserve and tempting Theo out with treats then so be it.

7. Wake Up, Little Wolf. THIAM.

One-shot. 10-20k. Theo's POV.

After a fight with hunters, Liam is injured and in hospital. Liam's werewolf abilities are hindered, leaving him essentially human. This fic is basically about how Theo handles seeing Liam in hospital, vulnerable, and how that envokes all these feelings in Theo that he's tried to push down.

9. Sometimes I Wonder If Love Is Worth Fighting For. Then I Look At You, And I’m Ready For War. THIAM.

The pack uses Theo to fight for them, but then ignores him and his suffering. Heavy guilt-ridden Theo, and guilty Nolan. Pining Liam.

10. Holding Onto The Memories Of Us. THIAM.

Multi Chapter fic. Original Characters.

Theo and Liam hide their relationship from the pack, but then it becomes too hard for Theo. He ends things with Liam and leaves Beacon Hills. Theo starts over and finds himself. But, people from his past keep showing up. Just not the person he wants.

Tagging anyone who wants ago. I highly encourage it. And make sure to tag me, because I'm NOSY and WANT to know.

#thiam #teen wolf #ao3 writer #writer #archives of our own #theo x liam #theo reaken #liam dunbar #teen wolf fanfiction #liam x theo #theo raeken #thiam angst #thiam au #current wip #my wips #wip stuff

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cryoculus · 3 years

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oddity - xiao/reader

one of my closest pals is celebrating their birthday, and i took it upon myself to write a little lantern rite piece! i don't usually post my stuff on tumblr, but it wouldn't hurt to try ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

pairing: xiao/gn!reader word count: 3,549 words premise: you and him are nothing but outsiders beneath the sea of lanterns — that’s all there is to it. ao3 link here!

“Traveler, what brings you here?”

The wind whistles through the reeds of Dihua Marsh when you hear his voice. The yaksha emerges from the shadows that cloak his form, piercing yellow eyes studying you with rapt attention. Your chest heaves as your sword glimmers out of existence before wiping a sheen of sweat off your brow. A smile graces your face — one that makes him arch an eyebrow.

“Xiao,” you acknowledge him with a nod. “Just clearing out hilichurl camps for a commission.”

“And your friend?” he asks, arms crossed. “The loud one that floats around?”

You immediately think about how quick Paimon ditched your daily commissions just to get a head-start with the festivities down at the harbor. You didn’t particularly mind the fairy’s excitement, but it was a little lonely without her squawks of encouragement as you shilled monster after monster for the sake of scraping up some mora. But the peace of mind offered by Paimon’s absence is something you liked to indulge in every once in a while as well. Instances like this could bring about new experiences.

Such as running into the Vigilant Yaksha himself, for example.

“Paimon’s gotten quite engrossed with the Lantern Rite.” A lone sigh flees from your lips as you your gaze rivets upward. South from here, the lanterns offered to heavens can be still seen — even all the way in Bishui Plain. They dot the sky even brighter than the stars, burning through the darkness of the night so the heroes could find their way home.

Somewhere much nearer is Wangshu Inn, its massive tree rising above the fog that began to roll in come sundown. You aren’t too far from his stronghold, but what reason does Xiao have to crawl out of his seemingly-eternal solitude? Last you’ve seen him was during that whole Starsnatcher fiasco, and you didn’t think you would cross paths again so soon. But the curious glow of his eyes — devoid of the indifference he’s worn like armor — tickles the back of your head.

If you’re able to…could you try to convince Xiao to go with you?

Right. Verr Goldet asked that specific favor the last time Huai’an commissioned you to repair the Inn’s rickety staircase (again). You took her request without a second thought, despite being wholly unsure of how you’re even going to drag an adeptus back to Liyue Harbor. Though the rift between the land’s guardians and its people has long been mended, Xiao’s hostility wouldn’t be so easily quelled. But it’s as if the stars have guided your fates to intertwine tonight — holding each other’s prudent gazes as you both waited for the other to speak.

Xiao is the first to break the silence.

“I see,” he murmurs, resting his back against a sturdy tree. He draws his eyes up for only a moment before meeting yours once more. “Don’t you have a festival to celebrate, Traveler? If my memory serves me right, there’s only a few hours left before they release those pyro flowers into the sky. It’s…a popular spectacle among humans.”

You crane your head slightly, not quite catching his drift. Pyro flowers? A popular spectacle among…

“You mean fireworks?” you snort.

“Yes, whatever those are.” Though his face doesn’t bear any hint of being flustered, the tips of Xiao’s ears turn the lightest tinge of red — barely visible in the lacking light, but you see it regardless. The yaksha mumbles something under his breath before saying, “I assume a lot of people await your return. What are you doing squandering your time here in the marsh, then?”

If Paimon were here, she would have swooped in and taken this as her one and only chance to make good on your unspoken promise to Verr Goldet. Even in the absence of your floating companion, you begin to consider your chances as well. It’s not like you assured the brooding adeptus would be present during the Rite. Just that you’d try to make sure he was there.

And try, you did when you ask, “I was wondering if you’d want to come along, actually.”

You’re more than aware how…forward your invitation just sounded, but it’s not like you minded whatever answer he’s going to give you. In all honesty, it’d be easier if he rejected the offer and went on his way — doing whatever retired adepti do with their thousand years’ worth of free time. But as you steel yourself for his typical, cold-hearted dismissal, Xiao tilts his chin in the direction of the lanterns released en-masse in the south, gaze softening with a tenderness that’s all sorts of foreign to you.

“I suppose I can spare a few hours.”

The lights down the docks seem a little too bright, and the jovial music rings a little too loudly when you’re conscious of an introverted companion. Xiao’s aversion to human interaction is no secret to anyone, but the adeptus manages to play it cool as you wade across a throng of festival-goers. He flinches a little when strangers bump into him, but does nothing to antagonize them. (Although you do hear the slightest hint of a growl when the stranger in question doesn’t apologize for the inconvenience.) Nonetheless, you make sure to hover around close to make sure you don’t lose him in the crowd.

You consider holding his hand for but a sliver of a moment before chucking the idea out of the window. Xiao would probably hurl you into the next world if you touched him unsolicited, and the mere thought sends an unpleasant shiver down your spine.

It doesn’t take long for you to spot Paimon in the midst of it all — wearing one of those peace talismans around her neck as she nibbled on a stick of grilled tiger fish. The fairy perks up at the sight of you, but she nearly gapes when she sees who it is on your trail.

“You managed to drag that loner here?!” she shrieks, but the shock in her voice was thankfully obscured by the loud music. “How much almond tofu did you give him? Paimon bets it takes an army to make enough almond tofu to convince him to go out of hiding!”

“No such coercion happened for them to bring me here,” Xiao clarifies. “I simply want to witness how things have been faring in the harbor since Rex Lapis’ departure. Hmph. Humans still do so much all in the name of traditions that have long lost their meaning.”

Paimon gasps, as if personally offended. “Lost their meaning…? You! You have no idea how important the Lantern Rite is to Liyue Harbor’s citizens, do you? Come on, Traveler!” The fairy huffs, tugging on your arm insistently. “Let’s enjoy the rest of the festival without the immortal party pooper.”

You gulp. “Paimon—”

“Honorary taste-tester, there you are!”

The familiar lilt of Xiangling’s voice pierces through the deafening melodies of the Rite. She bounds towards your little group with a devious smile curled across her lip — eyes shining with enough intent to scare you. Paimon is a bit more oblivious to the young chef’s intentions. Your companion even greets her once she was close enough.

“I have a huge custom order for the Qixing dinner at midnight, and I was wondering if you could try out my stuff!” She hums, spinning Paimon around gleefully enough to make the fairy forget that she was even frustrated with Xiao. Xiangling, however, notices belatedly that the said adeptus is in her company. “Oh, the guy from Wangshu Inn! What brings you here?”

“Nothing that would interest you,” the yaksha grumbles with a clipped tone. “Didn’t you say something about taste-testing for the Qixing?”

“Ah, right! Traveler!” Xiangling turns to you. “Can I borrow Paimon for a while? I’ll make sure my dad doesn’t turn her into emergency food. I promise!”

“Hey!” Paimon protests. “Who’s turning who into emergency food?”

With the slightest nod of your head, however, the chef is already on her merry way — dragging poor Paimon back to Chihu Rock despite her plethora of complaints. You sigh, telling yourself you’d make it up to her after you’ve attended to Xiao. Speaking of which…

“Is there anything you’d like to do?” you ask, eyes darting around for anything worthwhile to show the adeptus. When you spot Ruijin somewhere at the end of the baywalk, your brain clicks in place. “How about you and I play a few rounds of Theater Mechanicus?”

Xiao’s nose wrinkles at the unfamiliar name. “Is that another one of those strange human contraptions?”

“Uh… You can say that.”

You’ve played a couple of rounds with Xingqiu yesterday when the Feiyun heir practically dragged you here after collecting your rewards from the Adventurers’ Guild. So to speak, tower defense games were not your strong suit. At first, dozens of imaginary enemies have slipped past your elemental wards all because of your poor strategizing skill. It’s a good thing that Xingqiu was quick to pick up on the rules, though. He managed to win you both enough peace talismans to make the Xiao Market turn maximum profit.

Your current comrade, however, is probably just as terrible as you are.

“I don’t get this,” Xiao snarls, banging a fist on the wooden table. “Why can’t I just attack the enemies myself when they arrive? The towers are too weak to defend anything.”

Ruijin chuckles, ruffling the yaksha’s hair as if he was a child. “Patience. The more you play, the stronger the mechanici become. Besides, warriors grow to be more powerful the longer they stay on the battlefield. You know that pretty well, right?”

You have to nudge Xiao’s leg from underneath the table to keep him from pouncing at the game master right there. When you manage to catch his gaze, you shoot him a stern look to keep him in check. Deep inside, though, you’re actually panicking. What if he turns the harbor into some anemo wasteland all because of a silly board game? If that happens, Zhongli might just declare you persona non grata even if he was already retired.

Thankfully, Xingqiu’s knowledge about Theater Mechanicus has rubbed off on you enough to win you a round. Ruijin rewards you both with only half the amount of talismans you garnered when teaming up with the Feiyun heir, but Xiao doesn’t really need to know that. He stares at the jade-carved sigils disinterestedly before pocketing them in his garbs, walking away without a word. As your shoulders droop, you sigh and shoot Ruijin an apologetic look before chasing after your charge.

“Sorry if that wasn’t really your type of past time,” you tell him, matching the adeptus’ pace as he marches forward. “We could always try other—”

“If you’re going to play diplomat between myself and the harbor, listen here,” Xiao interrupts, shooting you a yellow-eyed stare. “Neither of us belong in this city. You’re an outlander, and I’m an adeptus — two creatures that aren’t meant to delve too deep into human affairs. And if you have even an ounce of respect left for our respective origins, you won’t tell me off for being needlessly hostile.”

Huh. So he’s aware that he’s being needlessly hostile.

Though he spoke each word with an even-toned seriousness, all you could hear was a boy that didn’t want to be scolded at. You were a bit surprised to see him lose his patience over such a trivial thing earlier, too. Your mouth quivers into a soft smile, marveling at how human Xiao can be despite insisting he was anything but.

“I’m heading up to Mount Tianheng for a while,” he announces once the two of you reach the end of the road. “Are you coming or not?”

You have half the mind to tease him for checking in on you despite the fact that he can pretty much leave you in the dust if he wanted to. Xiao glances at you impatiently when you don’t give him an answer, and you decide to push away any thought of discouraging him for another time.

“Sure. What are you going to—”

Several things happen all at once. Xiao cuts your words short when he dons his mask, clouds of miasma curling around his form in black wisps. He scoops your knees from underneath you, cradling you to his chest faster than you can blink. And you can only gape in disbelief as he princess-carries you across the city — jumping from roof to roof with the grace of a feline. Xiao doesn’t spare you any looks the entire time, keeping his eyes forward as he holds you securely in his grasp. This reminds you a little of the time he saved you from falling to your death when the Jade Chamber collapsed, but you dared not think of it too much.

You resign yourself to the fact that there isn’t much you can do when Xiao is in Bane-of-All-Evil form and observe the way the tattoos on his arm glow with each precise movement instead. In spite of the corrosive energy emanating from the rest of his body, the aura that those blue-green marks emit is…serene. It’s not all that different from the feeling you get whenever you stand near a Statue of the Seven in Mondstadt. Hm. Maybe Venti’s personally keeping an eye on this one.

The yaksha only stops when he’s gotten to a high enough vantage point, setting you back to your feet. You’re just about to thank Xiao for the ride, but you notice the way his knees buckle once his mask dissolves from his face.

You’re quick to rush to his side, supporting his weight with yours as he shoots you a disgruntled look. All those millennia of keeping to himself probably made Xiao unused to your efforts, but you don’t give him enough room to complain.

“You’re hurt,” you observe as you help him down to the grass. “I thought I was just seeing things when we went to the karma-heavy cavern, but that obviously isn’t the case. Does that have anything to do with the Abyss?”

“You think I’d let myself be tainted with that kind of corruption?” Xiao scoffs, chest heaving as he catches his breath. “This miasma…is all my own. This is the price I have paid for eons of endless slaughter — I’ve already told you that, haven’t I?”

You shoot him a pointed look. “Hasn’t anyone told you that you’re too hard on yourself? No wonder Zhongli is still worried about you until now. The medicine he asked me to give — it’s for that…miasma, isn’t it?”

Xiao closes his eyes, sighing. “Traveler, I don’t wish to discuss this.”

“Well, you don’t have to.”

That makes him stare back at you inquisitively. Xiao’s gaze narrows slightly as you lift your hands — palms facing the clueless adeptus before you. Your eyes flutter closed, recalling the way you purified a dragon’s tears all those months ago. This is essentially the same, right? Xiao is a creature who has borne the weight of suffering for countless millennia, much like Dvalin when the Abyss manipulated him into their favor. You managed to purge the murky tintage of their corruption despite the odds being against you.

Who’s to say that easing Xiao’s suffering — even just for a moment — is impossible?

Flecks of starlight dance across the tips of your fingers, glowing in time with the marks of anemo he bears on his arm. Xiao watches you, stunned into silence as he lets you do as you please. He spots a brush of qingxin flowers just a few meters away, but the gentle breeze that wafts across his face makes him feel like he’s not sitting atop Mount Tianheng, but on another peak entirely. When the yaksha closes his eyes, the qingxin blooms have morphed into gentle cecilias, dancing to the rhythm of a lone bard’s lyre.

Peace, he thinks. He hasn’t known peace in a long, long time.

When Xiao opens his eyes again, it’s to the feel of his head resting on top of a plush surface. The moment his mind registers your face staring down at him with a kind smile, he nearly scrambles out of your lap out of reflex, but you keep him securely in place.

“You napped for quite a while there,” you inform him, one hand smoothing down his hair. “Any interesting dreams you want to share?”

He relaxes back onto the grass when he realizes there’s no escaping you. This oddly reminds him of the quieter days of the Archon War, when Guizhong would let him doze on her lap for hours on end.

“I’d like to…apologize,” he whispers.

“For what?”

After a few moments, Xiao sits upright and this time you don’t stop him. Demonic yellow eyes turn to the vastness of harbor before him — reminding him that the war has long ended, and a new era is in bloom.

“When I told your friend that these traditions have lost their meaning… I bear no ill will to the words,” he murmurs, fingers grazing the blades of grass beneath the both of you. The lanterns have grown in number this year, and they’re much more beautiful compared to when he watched them every year from his balcony in Wangshu Inn. “They offer their lanterns, they offer their wishes to lead their heroes back home. But humans have always enjoyed the leisure of being blissfully ignorant.

“Only a handful of adepti have survived to this day. The heroes they sing their praises to have long passed — unable to hear a word of their gratitude. So forgive me if I deem such traditions pointless.” He closes his eyes and thinks of all he’s lost — his fellow yakshas and the gods that have fallen to defend Liyue alongside Rex Lapis. Though he’s convinced himself he’s already desensitized, Xiao still feels the slightest twinge in his chest. “It’s not as if we ever expected recompense for our deeds. We protected what needed protecting because it is our duty. Nothing more, nothing less.”

He expects you to wear the crestfallen look that Verr Goldet always shows him whenever he rejects her invitations to come along to the Lantern Rite. Xiao has been faced with that expression year after year by countless others, and he thinks it would be no different if you look at him the same way, too. But instead of a tight-lipped frown, your mouth twitches into a grin — barely containing your own laughter as the adeptus starts to glare at you.

“Oh no, I didn’t think someone like you would take that so literally,” you say, wiping a tear off your face. “Xiao, listen to me. The Lantern Rite isn’t just for thanking those who protected Liyue; it’s also to honor their memory. Sounds to me like you’re really downplaying how much the people respect the adepti. Isn’t that little truce with Ningguang enough proof of that?”

Xiao stares at you listlessly, and gets the feeling that he’s being made fun of. “I…might have failed to consider it in that light.”

You sigh, pulling your knees to your chest as you rest your chin on top. “So Zhongli isn’t the only adeptus who has rocks for brains here.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing! Say, do you want to let me hitch another ride and we can craft some lanterns down at the harbor? My treat.”

He decides to overlook the backhanded insult you just made about himself and his lord. This is an era of peace — everyone jokes about things like that more often now. And though it comes as quite the pain to him, Xiao thinks it was time he learns the way of the people from this era sooner rather than later.

As you scribble your own wishes on the sides of the lantern you crafted, Xiao watches attentively on the sidelines. You told him to write down his own as well, but people like him only wish to serve the purpose he’s been summoned to make. Xiao has already fulfilled that eons ago.

When you both let the lanterns drift up above, the pyro flowers — fireworks, he mentally corrects — bloom across the night sky. They come in dazzling colors that make even him, an adeptus, wonder how human craftsmanship has evolved to this day. Perhaps you were right. Xiao does downplay many a detail about the people of Liyue, and that goes beyond their utter respect for the adepti.

However, the citizens are the last thing on his mind as his yellow eyes continue to observe you — the soft gasp that escapes your lips when the display of fireworks has reached its end; the golden lanterns shining across your eyes as you beam with delight. Xiao doesn’t remember the last time he’s ever thanked anyone — fearful that they’ll react the same way he does when faced with pure gratitude. Would you turn away indifferently? Would you dismiss his sentiments even after quelling the darkness in his heart with a single move? In the end, he decides that none of it matters.

You and him are nothing but outsiders beneath the sea of lanterns — that’s all there is to it.

#genshin impact #genshin impact xiao #xiao #sfw #omg im posting my writing again #this is the first and last time

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tovelarisdreams · 3 years

Note

Hi! I saw your comments in a recent post where a gwynriel asked why people thought gwyn is a lightsinger and I felt compelled to reach out to you to say I AGREE and I am so sorry for the hostility you were shown for your completely justified (and non-combative) comments.

There are a few points that I wanted to make that I don’t think gwynriels understand.

1. A lot of people think gwyn is a lightsinger because of the possible foreshadowing techniques that Sarah implemented in ACOSF. Bringing up lightsingers so casually and then describing gwyn’s singing and breath and the reactions other had to both of those in the way she did is curious to say the least. Although it’s not confirmed, it is an interesting theory.

2. IF gwyn is a lightsinger, it does not mean she is evil! The most popular theory I’ve seen is that she doesn’t understand her powers and is possibly being unwillingly controlled by Merrill (who I think we can all agree is a little sus). Yes, there may be some people who want gwyn to be knowingly evil, much like many more gwynriels who want elain to turn evil just for the sake of getting her out of the picture. But the majority of elriels I’ve seen and interacted with are more supportive of the possible “Merrill abusing gwyn’s powers” theory since we all know that gwyn is canonically kind.

3. Gwyn possibly being a lightsinger is in NO WAY tied to her being an SA survivor. It is the same way that Rhys being able to casually mist people and Nesta being able to literally disintegrate the Queen with her powers have nothing to do with their being SA survivors. When gwynriels say that elriels are “attacking gwyn because she is in SA survivor” just because elriels suggest gwyn might have lightsinger powers blows my mind. And they say that “real life SA survivors are hurt by these theories” - why? I don’t like to talk about my own history but I myself am an SA survivor and in no way do I think that saying gwyn might have lightsinger powers (or even saying she could be evil- not that many are saying that) has ANYTHING to do with her SA history. I equate this with all of the hate nesta and Rhys consistently have gotten over the years. The way gwynriels are using gwyn’s SA history as a reason to dispel theories they do not like is akin to an anti-Nesta saying “nesta is rude and I don’t like her” and then someone saying “you are an awful human being for not liking her because she’s an SA survivor. You obviously do not support SA victims at all. How dare you not like nesta”. A character is not solely defined by their history with SA. And their SA is not inherently tied to every other aspect about them. IF gwyn is a lightsinger (and IF she uses her powers knowingly or unknowingly) that has NOTHING to do with her being an SA survivor.

I am just so tired of gwynriels trying to twist elriels’ words to make them out to be villains. No elriel I have seen on tumblr has ever said anything negative about gwyn’s SA history. If anyone were to attack her for that specifically, yeah, they should called out for that because that is messed up. But people need to stop assuming that everything said about gwyn is somehow tied to her being an SA survivor. That is a part of who she is unfortunately but that is not ALL she is and when gwynriels are constantly using that to combat theories they do not like, they are reducing her to her SA and THAT is what is the most messed up. Gwyn is so much more than her SA and she, as well as every SA survivor in real life, deserves the respect of being treated like they are a human being and more than their SA.

Sorry for this long post but I saw your comments and they were completely in-line with my beliefs as well and I wanted to show my support for you.

Heyyy! Thank u so much. That little "debate" left me a little shaken, to be honest. It became a real trigger, really fast.

Lets talk abou the point:

1) The lightsinger theory for me is one of the best ones. I've been saying this from the begging, Gwyn needs to have a important role next book. Yes, The book is Elain's. But Elain will get the sub plot with her Love interest like Nessian did. Gwyn's role, i believe, is realted to the bigger plot. Sarah described her singing for some reason, and its show to affect Nestha in ACOSF.

2) YES! I do not want Gwyn to be evil, and don't believe she will. Her being manipulated by Merril is a great plot. Cause that woman is weird lol. I understand why gwynriels get so mad about, cause this theory eliminates the romantic aspect of Gwyn's voice on Az. But a theory is a theory, and this one makes a lot of sense with what Sjm left as hints in ACOSF. And what u say is true. The make so many Evil elain theory, not only that but they portrait elain in a very evil, manipulative manners. They think that is super ok, but make on sigle theory about precious gwyn and they go crazy.

3) This is the worst part for me. They use a very serious real life thing, for a petty reason. There is no excuse for using SA as a argument to solidify book theorys. And they use for ANYTHING. Anyone say anything about gwyn, a they come boiling with rage saying u are being toxic and not respecting her trauma. Withou realizing that they are attacking REAL LIFE SA SURVIVORS. Its ridiculous. The Lightsinger theory has nothing to do with what gwyn suffered. Nothing. Most theories doens't. I've been in this fandom for a while, and not once have i seen anyone say anything rude about her in that manner.

The problem is: Their shipp doesn't have solid theories. They have some conversations along ACOSF that show no more than a friendly interaction. And then, the famous extra chapter. The problem with the extra chapter is: what happens there cannot have more power than what happens in regular chapter. That's why i say that the necklace wont be a major issue next book. Even of we decide to take what happens there as important, what do we really have ? Az talks to gwyn and helps her with her training. Then, goes to the library and give CLOTHO (not gwyn) the necklace for her to deliver, but he also say for her to give to any other pristess, if not gwyn. Also, says he does nto consider her a friend. What i take from it is: Azriel is the link between Gwyn and next book. Like i said before, she has a role next book but nothing ties her to elain. We need a link there. And that setence about their friendship, for me, its the hint left behind.

The way i see it, we dont have romantic fellings or interaction there. Only hints to bring her back next book. And talking about elriel in his pov. For elriel, we have the extra step. It says it right there, they never dared do anything other than touching hands and stealing glances. The invisible line they created, almost crossed. But stopped by rhys. Why ?

1) Tell me one author that is dumb enough to make a shipp canon on a extra chapter ? Yes, that kiss couldn't happen there. (Thank u Rhys)

2) Who doens't love a proibited romance ? Rhys order just gave us the best hint for the sub plot of elain's book. Along with some intersting drama between the charaters. (Again, Thank u Rhys)

In the end, sjm got a lot of marketing with that extra chapter too. Azriel is a fan favorite and she knew we were all waiting on that pov. Its a lot a marketing there too.

And Thank u for showinh your support! I love it ! As u can see, i have a lot a thoughts on Elriel hahaha

#elriel #azriel and elain #elriel theory #anti gwynriel #azriel pov #azriel #acotar #acosf #elain archeron #elain #azriel x elain

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star-anise · 4 years

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Hi! I have a question for you that might bring Discourse and I'm sorry. But your perspective is valuable to me so I'm asking anyway and I welcome your best guesses about an answer. Question: WHY is transmedicalism a thing? WHY are so many trans people (and in particular, young binary trans men) transmeds? How did this viewpoint evolve over the past few years -- it doesn't feel very old? Has it been influenced by other shittinesses like radfem shit and fandom anti shit?

I am not an expert in trans intracommunity issues, so there are probably tons of people way more knowledgeable than me.

Tumblr keeps recommending me transmed blogs, so I keep reading them. There are a surprising number that are like “Transmeds and tucutes both have a nice day! You’re both valid but different!” and I was doing the upside-down-owl face of total confusion. It looked like?? It seemed like a community that interpreted “gender dysphoria” to mean not “unease and distress when misgendered” but simply “desire to fully medically transition”, so it made sense to them that “transmed” meant people who wanted medical treatment, and “not transmed” meant people who considered themselves trans but didn’t want to medically transition.

Which is not?? My experience of non-transmed trans people??? My experience of non-transmeds is that their understandings of “gender dysphoria” tend to lean more heavily on the “distress and impairment” part of the definition. But I’m just going on observation and other peoples’ accounts of themselves, so I’m not best-equipped to speak to that.

My experience with Generation Z transmeds is that many of them don’t even really get why people perceive them as being so hostile. Some do, but others seem genuinely confused that they’re being accused of attacking other trans people. And from what I can see, they find the DSM Gender Dysphoria diagnosis very comfortable and validating. It makes sense! They have a brain disorder! It’s all very validating. It’s like being told you’re not a sack of shit, you have depression; you’re not lazy, you have ADHD; you’re not unlovable, you have Autism; you’re not bad at being a person, you have PTSD. This thing makes sense and surely your parents would understand it if a psychologist or doctor explained it to them!

Do I think there’s a generational component to it? Eh, maybe. Maybe coming of age, or at least joining the LGBTQ+ community, after gay marriage was legalized might reduce peoples’ awareness of how much our survival as a community depends on strength in numbers and mutual defense. If somebody remembers how the DSM treated Homosexuality back in the day, the might be less likely to wholeheartedly trust it now.

I do think this is another one of those situations where the only people having active discussions about this on social media are the fringe dissidents--because the rest of us all agree with each other--so when someone new shows up and looks for their people on social media, they just find the fringe dissidents.

But eh, I’m not totally sure it could all be prevented by better education. There are a lot of really influential adult transmeds out there. I think Kat Blaque has some really good insights into the transmed mindset; her contention is that it’s basically borne out of being in a phase in your transition where you’re desperate for cis validation, and you’d rather have acceptance for being Good Enough than acceptance based on the fundamental acceptance of all people and genders as valid.

Kind of like women whose self-respect is very based on being emotionally collected, independent, levelheaded, and sexually conservative, so they can’t be called a crazy clingy tramp. It takes more self-confidence to defend everybody’s right to be a crazy clingy tramp. (The Slutwalk era feels like a very long time ago, even though it was only 2011. I feel like you’d never get away with it now)

#lgbt discourse #transmedicalism tw #cis girl talks trans issues #batbetbitbotbut #long post

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the-nysh · 3 years

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It took me a while to get why c323 started with the flashback (I miss when non linear storytelling was not used to chop up and slim down the narrative) but yeah its to explain why Deku coming back won't be as endangering (sort of wish Nezu had told All Might/Deku this) but I originally thought the chapter would have been better to let Ochaco complete whatever she is doing because it feels incomplete - but if this is all she does to instigate the change I will also be unsatisfied, because (p1)

(Oops, anon I never got pt2, so I think tumblr ate it! :O) But exactly, this was mainly a set up + exposition chapter, where Uraraka's contribution in the latter half remains incomplete. So most sentiments I've seen are at least waiting til the next chapter(s) for the followup to form our full opinions. Cause seeing the officials for this one honestly didn't give me that much more information or insight that I didn't already know (not much of a surprise.) Other than confirm she's trying (and struggling) in her impromptu approach to appeal to the crowd by bringing attention to Deku's humanity - how he's just a boy, rendered to this decrepit state, that they've all lost sight of in their rage/fear too. (Poor Inko has to witness her baby get publically shunned, hated, and dehumanized...) So please honestly look at him - at the human boy in need of rest, help & care too, past all this hostile barring & blindness.

If anything, Uraraka's words could help incite the other civilians Deku's helped (like the fox lady) to step forward, empathetic in his defense too, working much like a ripple effect, to ease the hostility of the mob enough to let Deku enter peacefully. Cause for now, I don't see how her words alone can work (to be moving & convincing enough to change the heart of the mob) without the contributing support from others - as a group effort, whether that starts from a budding solidarity within the crowd itself or her fellow classmates all banning together too. We'll see. As I haven't been whelmed yet by her efforts either, but I'm still eager to see what happens next.

#bnha #uraraka #manga spoilers #anonymous #replies #akfhg waiting for p2 of this ask and it never came :'D gwaha in a meta sense much like many waiting for Something to happen with her #i can't tell yet whether this will be satisfying or not but at least i can see she's...Trying :'))

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princepondincherry · 4 years

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The Tragedy of “The Wrong Jedi”

The first time I watched the Jedi Temple bombing arc in Star Wars: The Clone Wars, I was kind of uncomfortable with how it played out. I felt like it misrepresented how the Jedi Council would have handled the situation, that Anakin was going too far and uncomfortably close to the Dark Side, and that Ventress was handled strangely. But after reading a whole bunch of posts by tumblr user gffa and others about how the Jedi didn’t handle it too terribly, I’ve had to rethink my view. Thinking about it more, it’s definitely even more tragic than I realized.

I’ve got a lot to say (seriously, a massive wall of text) and, even though this is a really old show, I might as well put spoilers under the cut.

Okay, first of all: Ahsoka might not have been found innocent if she stayed in jail, but I bet she would. Barriss knocked out the guards and left Ahsoka a keycard to break out of her jail cell. As soon as she used it to break out, Ahsoka fell into the trap. If she’d just sat in the cell, eventually order would have been restored in the prison, and there would have been some sort of evidence that someone else was trying to frame her. Unless Barriss managed to spin it so it looked like Ahsoka broke out, killed some clones, and then returned to her jail cell? Seems unlikely. The genius of the trap was that breaking her out was exactly the sort of rule-breaking she’d expect Anakin to do, so I can’t blame her for falling for it.

Actually, taking a step back, the frame-job only worked because Ahsoka was an impulsive Padawan. I tried imagining how other Jedi would have reacted, and a few of them would have ended up much better. Anakin probably would have been screwed too, but a lot of more-experienced Jedi would have just begun meditating calmly in the cell and been able to follow the promptings of the Force to end up with a better outcome. In particular, Obi-Wan probably would have laughed about the key card and managed to talk his way to some sort of advantage with the clones who came to investigate. (And, of course, someone like Yoda might have just sensed Barriss like Tarkin said Ahsoka should have been able to.) None of this is Ahsoka’s fault, of course--she’s a great Jedi; she’s just in training still, and not the calmest.

Moving on, the Jedi Council expelling Ahsoka *really* bothered me, and I don’t think that’s an uncommon opinion. Other people (gffa, again) have talked at length about how they were under great pressure from the Senate, and so it wasn’t entirely their fault, but I still thought it was a terrible, if understandable, decision. They brought that the Senate was concerned they wouldn’t be impartial, but I thought, “Let the Senate be concerned. The Council *know* they’re impartial, so if Padawan Tano is guilty, they’ll find her guilty and punish her. Which, of course, is what the Senate wants. And if she’s innocent, they should support her no matter the political consequences.” But then I realized that the evidence against her was so strong at that point that the Council was probably assuming any trial would find her guilty, and the only real point of contention would be the punishment. The Jedi would probably decide on a punishment that wasn’t strong enough for the Senate’s liking. So instead, they decided that expelling her from the order *was* their punishment. It’s my opinion that this was either discussed in offscreen Council deliberations or just understood by the Councilmembers, who’ve worked together for a long time. The episode probably just didn’t make this explicitly clear because we’re intended to emotionally be on Ahsoka’s side, feeling betrayed like her, and only figure out the larger implications later with more thought and analysis. If this is true, it totally worked on me. You could definitely make a good argument that they still should have made a stand, but with public opinion and the opinion of the Senate turning against them, they had to pick and choose their battles.

THE TRIAL

The real thing that convinced me to write this post was the emotions and framing of the end of the trial, when Anakin brings Barriss forth and gets her to confess. The whole trial makes masterful use of oppositions. First, Tarkin and Padme are prosecutor and defender. They literally enter from opposite sides. Symbolically, since we know these characters, this is Grand Moff Tarkin supporting his vision of punitive control (he calls for the death penalty!) versus Senator Padme Amidala, supporting the rights and freedoms of an innocent. The symbolism and conservation of characters is nice enough that I can overlook how stupid it is that an Admiral and a Senator are the ones arguing this case or that the Chancellor of the Republic is also overseeing a trial. (Also, a Jedi accused of sedition is a BIG DEAL.)

Palpatine, of course, gives a grand speech about how Separatists have fooled the Republic before, laying on the irony as thick as he can as he accuses Ahsoka of being part of a plot to tear the Jedi Order apart. There’s an interesting interaction when Anakin breaks his stride right before he declares Ahsoka guilty, and I imagine he was torn between annoyance and his desire to have Anakin like him. And then when Barriss starts her big speech about how the Jedi have lost their way, he must be thrilled that these sentiments are getting such traction among the populace that even a Jedi espouses them and gets such a public stage to proclaim them.

Because--and this is the important part--Barriss is WRONG. - “The Jedi are the ones responsible for this war.” -- INCORRECT - “We have so lost our way that we have become villains in this conflict.”--INCORRECT. One thing that bothered me is that so much of the anti-Jedi argument is that they’re killers, but we almost always see them fighting droids. This is the most bloodless war ever, even assuming there’s a ton of offscreen collateral damage. ONSCREEN we see the Jedi avoiding collateral damage as much as possible. - “We are the ones that should be put on trial; all of us.”--No, literally just Barriss should be put on trial, for her senseless crimes. - “My attack on the Temple was an attack on what the Jedi have become--an army fighting for the dark side.”-- Incorrect on two counts. Others have explained how the Jedi are CLEARLY the good guys in this show, and more than that, her attack on the Temple was pointless murder that failed to even make a clear statement. She killed Jedi, non-Jedi workers, and clones, so I guess she was just symbolically opposing the war effort, but considering she had to explain herself before anyone guessed her motives, I don’t think she did a very good job.

Once you accept that Barriss is wrong, this becomes extremely tragic. - Anakin’s clearly struggled with the dark side over this whole arc, but he hasn’t Fallen. He’s still firmly a Jedi, firmly rooted in the Light. He lets Ventress go when he realizes she’s not responsible (which may have been a bad decision ethically, but it was probably better than just killing her), tries talking calmly to Barriss first, and sees justice done. He works within the system by making sure Ahsoka is arrested. - The music is just SO GOOD. When I was believing Barriss, the dark, dramatic music just made me more uncomfortable (”ahh, the bad guy is right?!”), but now it’s just sad. - This trial has been taking place in a Senate courtroom with the Imperial logo prominently displayed on the wall, Tarkin prosecuting, and the future Emperor presiding. But when justice is truly served, it’s by Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight opposing Palpatine, and four Jedi Guardians escorting a prisoner. And...look, in terms of iconography, those guys are awesome enough to challenge all the Imperial paraphernalia, with their masks, armor, and special yellow lightsabers. Seriously, I’m surprised over the strength of the feelings I’m having about the clash of icons here. The failing Republic/future Empire is about to perpetrate a great injustice, but in march the traditional guards of an ancient peacekeeping order in full dramatic procession to bring true justice.

Barriss and everyone else taken in by anti-Jedi propaganda fail to realize that the Jedi aren’t the cause of the problem--they’re just a bandage struggling to help people like Padme hold a failing Republic together as crime syndicates, the Sith, and more base forms of evil such as corruption tear it apart.

I’ve written waaaay too much already, so I won’t talk about it too much, but Ahsoka’s arc in season 7 supports my thoughts. Basically, that arc starts with her realizing how the common people often have at least semi-legitimate reasons to dislike the Jedi, and it ends with her realizing that she’s been acting like a Jedi the whole time (and the one hostile Martinez sister realizing that since Ahsoka’s basically a Jedi, she’s been judging the Jedi too harshly).

#star wars #sw the clone wars #in defense of the jedi #the wrong jedi #the jedi who knew too much #to catch a jedi

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angryschnauzer · 4 years

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Hi! *waves*

So some of you may have seen a somewhat change in direction (fandom wise) on my blog over the last few days, and for others i’m the new kid on the block stepping a toe into your fandom, and i wanted to explain but also say hi to all the new followers i’ve had over the last couple of days.

So, I’m Simone, but yeah everyone on here just tends to call me Schnauz (or when i do something really naughty; ANGRYSCHNAUZER in call caps). I live in England with my Husband and my Son (Little Dude). I’m a content creator (fanfic writer), i also fill my blog with pretty things, whether they be pretty men, landscapes, cartoons, anything i like. I have no filter - i’m a smut writer and advocate expressing yourself however you see fit on your blog, so if a dude turns me on, i will say so (this can be when people shout at me in all caps). I am about to hit 40 (yes i’m an OLD person), but my inbox and message box is always open, and can give advice on anything you feel you can’t ask or tell other people (messaging is kept private, asks are non anon and will be posted), this includes sexual or gross body stuff!

I started on tumblr almost 7 years ago (yes i’m a relic), and was first of all in the Tom Hiddleston fandom, then after a couple of years i swayed into Sebastian Stan/Chris Evans fandom when the Hiddleston fandom went through a rough time and things got a bit hostile. Well, that brings me to now, and i find myself wanting to find a new fandom, in part to escape some of the toxicity that has appeared in the Evanstan fandom in recent months. I’ve unfollowed a lot of people that would cause drama or were just bullies, although i know a very large portion of people are absolutely wonderful, i need to distance myself a little bit at the moment. Its ilke this;

Imagine over time you have tended to this field and its become a beautiful meadow, its diverse and everything works well together. And then someone lets their dog shit in the meadow. At first the people who tended the meadow clean it up, but then more people let their dogs shit in the meadow, it becomes an unpleasant place to be, it stinks. You do what you can to get people to clear up their own mess, but eventually you need to step back and let the people realise that they are shitting on their own beautiful place, and only they can put a stop to it.

I still long for that meadow, i will whistfully remember the good times, know that there were many hundreds of people that helped create the beautiful space, and now i tend new plants to transplant into it once its cleaned up again, but in the meantime i find myself in need of a new field, a new meadow, where hopefully my spieces of plants (fics) will be welcome, without upsetting the balance.

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fictionsthings · 4 years

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Anakin for the character meme?

First of all: *insert incoherent screeching*

Second: This is a lot and I apologize (especially if it doesn't make sense.)

How I feel about this character: Ok, I have a lot of feelings about Ani and they're not all coherent so bear with me. I love him so much but he makes me so sad. Anakin is such a tragic character. So much shit happens to him.

Age 9: Freed from slavery (which is good) and taken from his mother, who is still enslaved (not good AT ALL). He is thrust into a new environment with a bunch of strangers, the majority of whom are hostile towards him. (*coughTheJediCouncilcough*)(HE'S NINE, YOU ASSHOLES! OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO BE SCARED!)

Little Ani is so brave. I never would have been able to leave everything and everyone I cared about, even if my mom wanted me to, even if it meant a better future for me. Not to mention that he literally goes in to battle THE NEXT DAY and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING!

Age 19: Has nightmares about his mother's death which eventually come true when she dies in his arms, and then kills every Tusken Raider he deems responsible for her death (and not just the men. But the women- and the children too.) He then loses his hand to Count Dooku the next day.

Since my grandfather died this year, I find myself tearing up when Shmi dies. Sure, my grandpa and I weren't super close, but I still loved him very much and for weeks after his death, I could hardly bring myself to do anything. I can only imagine what it must have been like to lose a mother and then have to hide the fact that you were even grieving from the majority of the people in your life.

Age 22-23: Has nightmares of Padme dying in childbirth and becomes reasonably terrified of losing her and their child(ren). He goes to Yoda for advice, but unfortunately, Yoda's advice is shit and doesn't help him at all in any way, shape or form. Palpatine uses Anakin's fear to manipulate him and make him come over to the Dark Side, making Anakin think that it's the only way to save Padme, only for Ani to lose everything he ever loved instead. When Anakin first woke up in the Darth Vader suit, one of the first things he asks is "Where is Padme? Is she safe?" When Palpatine said that Padme was dead, Anakin literally destroys almost every thing in the Medcenter in his grief. Palpatine then relied on Anakin's attachments to ensure that he would remain Palpatine's slave apprentice because Palpatine was the only thing Anakin had left. Not only that, but Anakin felt that he was too far gone to redeem himself. (Note that it was Luke's belief in what goodness Anakin had left that helped him return to the Light. More on that later.)(I fucking hate Palpatine. He has literally been manipulating Anakin since he met the kid on Naboo.)

I would like to say that the majority of people I've seen/talked too agree that it was Palpatine who killed Padme. Anakin was supposed to die on that beach on Mustafar. Palpatine wanted Anakin's power leashed to him, so Palpatine saved him by using Padme's life force. It makes sense. Palpatine has known Padme for years. He mentored her in politics. He knows her, and so it would be easy to identify her in the Force and then steal her life, even easier if she is already weakened from emotional (Anakin's fall and use of the Force on her) and physical stress (her pregnancy and labor). The parallels between Anakin's "repairs" and revival and Padme's childbirth and death make it subtle but obvious all at once. (I also want to punch Palpatine's damn teeth in for smiling at Anakin's pain.)

I'm also half convinced that Palpatine planted those nightmares of Padme in Anakin's mind to draw him closer to the Dark Side.

Age 41-42: Finally kills Obi-wan Kenobi and feels so lonely (and maybe sad, I'm not sure) that Yoda can feel his pain all the way from Dagobah and Yoda feels sorry for him. (I would also like to note that Anakin knew to be off the Death Star in ANH because he had a Force Vision and decided not to tell anyone else because everyone else sucked and you can't change my mind.)

If you- a Dark Lord of the Sith- can make Yoda- Grandmaster of the Jedi Order- feel bad for you, then goddamn you must feel awful. (I'm feeling even more sad, wtf? I didn't realize it was possible)

Age 44-45: Finds out that he has a son and that Palpatine lied to him for literally half his life. Think about that. He has spent approximately 22 to 23 years as Darth Vader and he had a son out there. Literally, nothing is more important to Anakin than Family. He is angry that Luke was kept from him and he is vengeful. (In the Darth Vader comics, he goes to the Lars Homestead to punish the people who "stole" Luke, only to find out that they're already dead.) He singlemindedly searches for Luke for years, and then he finally gets to him on Bespin (after he hurt his son's close good friends.) There's the fight, then he literally cuts off his son's hand and THEN he tells Luke that he is his father. (Anakin, I love you, but you have pretty bad timing.) Then Luke literally chooses to fall, choosing the possibility of death over taking his father's hand.

Even if you're a Sith Lord, that has to hurt. Note that Anakin only made the offer to take down the Emporer and rule the galaxy as father and son once. Luke rejected him (which, I'll admit- perfectly reasonable) and I'm not sure why Ani rejected Luke when Luke pretty much offered the same thing in ROTJ, but something happened and I need to find out what. I may tear my heart out in the process, but it's whatever.

Age 46: Emperor Raisin Face keeps on saying that Luke will either join them or die (which granted, Anakin said in ESB, but still) and so Anakin is reasonably desperate to get Luke over to the Dark Side so he doesn't die. Anakin senses Luke going to the Forest Moon of Endor and decides to pop down for a visit when the Emperor says that Luke will go to him. Luke does indeed go to Anakin, and immediately tries to appeal to Anakin's goodness, to his paternal side. Anakin tries to deny him, says that the name Anakin Skywalker "no longer has any meaning" to him and that "I must obey my master" and continues to deliver his own son to the Emperor. During their fight in the throne room, Anakin finds out that he not only has ONE child, but TWO. He then makes the happy mistake of trying to provoke Luke into fighting him. It works and Anakin loses his hand again. And just when he thinks that Luke might kill him, with the Emperor egging him on, Luke tosses his saber away, rejecting the Emperor and saying, "I am a Jedi, like my father before me." When the Emperor attacks Luke with the Force Lightning and Anakin literally crawls back to the Emporer's side, Anakin eventually answers Luke's calls for help and tosses the Emporer down a chasm. Anakin dies just before Luke can get him off the Death Star and after telling telling that he (Luke) was right about him (Anakin) and that Luke already saved him.

Can I just say that the "I must obey my master" line breaks my heart? Because it absolutely shatters it. As I've gotten older and understood more as I've watched these movies, I have cried at this scene and I will cry when I watch it again. That is not just a threat, it is a promise. It breaks my heart. He sounds so defeated. And I always feel so relieved and happy when he comes back to the light.

Moral of the story is: I want to give him a hug and officially adopt him as my son. (Real talk though, if I met him in real life, I would just do my best to not piss him off.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

- Padme

That's it.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I have many.

- Obi-wan and Anakin

- Ashoka and Anakin (I have yet to see Clone Wars but I've seen a lot of fan content)

- Captain Rex and Anakin (I have yet to see Clone Wars but I've seen a lot of fan content)

- Luke and Anakin

My unpopular opinion about this character:

I'm not sure if this counts as an unpopular opinion, but if you didn't notice, I don't call Anakin by Darth Vader in this and that is because he was always Anakin Skywalker, he was just in denial. Also, it doesn't feel right for me to call him Darth Vader. I used to clarify if I meant Vader or Anakin, but at this point it's just... Why seperate the two? They are the same person. I call the suit "Darth Vader", yes, but honestly it's just to clarify when I'm talking about in ROTS because Anakin is "Darth Vader" both in and out of the suit in that movie.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Anakin can't go back to being the man he was, but he never stopped being Anakin. He changed, yes, drastically even. He went by a different name, yes. But he was still Anakin Skywalker. It just took him awhile to figure that out. (Hence why he wasn't in the Darth Vader suit as a Force Ghost)

One thing I wish would happened / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish that he and Leia had been able to make some sort of peace. Leia doesn't have to forgive him, Force knows she has every right not to, but it would've been nice if she could have made peace with her parentage in canon.

I actually read a fic like that here on tumblr recently. I'll have to see if I can find it for y'all.

Found it! -> x <-

#sorry #this is a lot #this took four class periods #ask meme #anakin #anakin skywalker #luke skywalker #obi wan kenobi #ashoka tano #captain rex #leia organa #sheev palpatine #lord sidious #emporer raisin face #emporer palpatine #no queue we die like men

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