#back to watching the game now! i missed the entire 2nd period

[muldxr]

joey daccord's scorpion save | sea v. wsh, jan 11, 2024

#hockeygifs #seattle kraken #hockey #nhl #edit #joey daccord #chris driedger #god i love the goalies #idc if this is the choppiest shit i've ever imported but please don't repost #back to watching the game now! i missed the entire 2nd period

[atinydise]

Ateez reacting to Yunho being a grown man

❦ Genre: Fluff, suggestive.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: 2k6.

❦ Requested: Yes, thank you! 🦋

HONGJOONG

The leader lazily and sleepily got out of his bed. He realized how early it was when he saw Yunho, still sleeping peacefully/ Hongjoong hesitated to jump back in his warm bed or to stay awake. He opted for the 2nd option and quietly left the door. At his big surprise, Mingi and Wooyoung were in the kitchen, cooking. "Pasta? For breakfast?" Asked Hongjoong, questioning their life choice. "Breakfast?" Repeated Wooyoung. "It's 1PM Hyung." The leader glanced at the clock on the microwave. "Yunho is till sleeping, I thought it was 8 AM." The 2 boys snored at the same time. Hongjoong raised a brow. "What's so funny? It happens to sleep until late." Mingi and Wooyoung exchanged a quick stare. "Tell me." Insisted Hongjoong.

"I think we should tell him." Said Mingi. Wooyoung sighed, but finally nodded. "Okay close the door really quick." The leader was completely lost. Why were they acting so weirdly? "Okay, keep the secret because Yunho ignores that we know." Started Mingi. "Know what?" "We saw him and Y/N making out yesterday." Claimed Wooyoung. Hongjoong raised a brow. "Yunho and Y/N? Come on... what you saw was wrong." "No! She was almost naked and kind of riding him." The leader almost threw up at this image. "Y'all so nasty." "Nasty about what?" Asked Yunho, entering the kitchen. "Ah Yunho!" Snapped Hongjoong. "These 2 idiots are trying to prank me." "Hyung..." whispered Mingi. "They said that they saw you making out with Y/N yesterday." He sneered. "But I told them that you were not into "this". He air-quoted. "Oh." Replied Yunho. "But they are right Hyung." He faced Mingi and Wooyoung. "Sorry that you saw that boys." They both shrugged, not turning this into a big deal. While Hongjoong was wondering if all of this was a prank. Yunho is so shy and pure, he would never do this yet. "S-So, you are-" he paused. "Sexually active? Heck yeah! Have you seen Y/N?" He smirked. The leader gagged once again. "Come on, don't act like it's a big deal." "It is!" "It's not." Replied Yunho, picking an apple before leaving the kitchen. Mingi and Wooyoung smirked at Hongjoong. "So, you believe us now?" "Our baby is a grown man." He whispered. "Of course... he turned it as a big deal." Sighed Wooyoung.

SEONGHWA

Yunho are you ready?" Asked Seonghwa, looking for his tall friend. "I'm born ready." He replied joyfully. They both decided to hang out together since the other members had their own schedule. At first, they went to the arcade game because it's Yunho favorite place and Seonghwa really wanted to make him full and relaxed. As a second destination, Seonghwa picked a good restaurant. They really chose everything they wanted on the menu. The table was full of food, few people were even looking at them like if they were crazy. "Soju?" Offered the eldest member. "Yeah! But not too much today okay?" "Sure."

1 hour later, these 2 boys were laughing crazily at everything. Their noses and cheeks were completely red because of the amount of alcohol in their body. "Do you remember when Mingi said that he could be the leader when Hongjoong pranked us?" Puffed Seonghwa. "We were all crying but he just wanted to replace him." Laughed Yunho. "Like if he could lead us. He would quit in 2 days." Giggled Seonghwa. "Y/N would last longer than him." Added Yunho. "Ooooh Y/N! I miss Y/N! Where is she?" Seonghwa tugged on the wall next to him. "In her house. She's tired." Smirked Yunho. "I thought she was in vacation or a week off." "Yeah, she is," he hiccupped." I didn't mean tired in the way." Even in his state, Seonghwa understood that his friend didn't get it. "We had seeeex," giggled the tallest boy. Seonghwa almost spitted the soju he had in his mouth. "You what?!" "Oops." Laughed Yunho. "How?!" "How?" He raised a brow. "Well, I thought you knew, but I put her legs on my shoulders and I-" "No!" Stopped Seonghwa, disgusted. "Don't say anything." "But you know it better than me." He winked. "Jeong Yunho." "Park Seonghwa." He giggled. "You better use a protection." "Of course. I bought one with your credit card by the way." "I don't know if it's because I'm drunk or this situation, but I'll throw up." "I would say too much alcohol." "No, too much information, perv." He gagged. "Wait! I'm gonna tell me you mooore!" "Time to go back home!" Shouted Seonghwa, standing up but instantly tugging on the side. "Waitress! PLEASE! Save me!" He yelled in the restaurant, Yunho laughing behind him.

YEOSANG

"Yunho have you seen my phone?" Asked Yeosang. "No. Have you looked under your pillow?" "Yeah. Can I borrow yours 2 sec? Just to text Wooyoung." "Sure." He handed his phone to Yeosang. "You are still going to the theater?" "Yep. Do you want to come with us?" Yeosang searched Wooyoung's contact. He spotted that except you, Yunho wasn't texting his friends that much. "Depends which movie you are going to watch." Replied Yunho. "I think you watched it already. It's Tenet." "Oh! I'm down. I really like this movie." Accepted Yunho." "Cool. Then get ready because-" *ting* ["Okay there's nothing to worry about anymore."] Yeosang unconsciously read your message even though he tried to avoid it. "Text Wooyoung, I'll look for my wallet." Yeosang nodded and finally warned his closest friend to join them in 10 minutes. *ting* ["I just had my period. I'm not pregnant."] Yeosang's eyes widened. Just by this concrete text, he understood a lot of things. He got it that Yunho started to be a grown man. But not that much. "I'm ready." Said Yunho smiling widely. Yeosang handed him back his phone, acting like he never knew these messages. "I'll take a jacket." He almost ran to his bedroom. The tallest guy shrugged and unlocked his phone. He instantly saw the notifications with your name on it. He took 5 seconds to process the situation. "Shit!" He rushed to Yeosang's room and asked: "Have you seen anything particular on my phone?" His friend shook his head, lying. "Not at all." Yunho sighed, relieved. "Okay." "Is there something to know?" "No." "Sure?" "Yeah, there's nothing." "Okay cool." "I thought you were freaking out because I know that Y/N isn't pregnant." "You lied!" "You had sex! And not even fully protected!" "It just cracked. It's an accident." "Disgusting disgusting." Yeosang covered his ears, leaving the room. "Don't tell anyone!" Almost begged Yunho, following him. "What's going on?" Asked Jongho. "They're just crazy." Shrugged Mingi.

SAN

San sighed for the 3rd time in a minute. He accepted to help Seonghwa a bit. As every day off, he took some time to clean the entire dorm. "Less sighing, more cleaning." Sang Seonghwa, putting down a pair of new sheets on San's bed. "Hyung!" Whined San. "How can you like something like cleaning? It's so boring!" "Hm... how can you like throwing your food on Woooyoung's face and not cleaning the tomato sauce which splashed on the wall?" Asked Seonghwa. San stayed quiet for a second and finally gave up and turned back to his desk. "That's what I thought..." smirked the eldest member. "Dictator..." whispered San. "Don't forget to tidy Yunho's sheet in the wardrobe too." "Yeah sir." Just when Seonghwa left, San jumped on his bed, tired of these efforts. He stared at the ceiling a minute and finally glanced at the messy wardrobe. "Argh... I'm so lazy." He sighed. "Oh. What is this?" San spotted a clothe like a maid dress, hung up in Yunho's side. He got out of the bed and walked slowly toward the dress. When he was finally sure that he was right, he picked the hanger. "The heck are you doing with this Jeong Yunho?" Before he could realize, his friend entered the room. "Seonghwa said- no wait. Threatened me, to help you." Yunho stopped in his track when he saw that your dress was in San's hands. His face was bending, reading your name on the collar of the dress. "San, it's not what you think it is." He claimed, freaking out. "I wasn't aware you were into cosplay..." he smirked, trying his best to not laugh. "I don't judge." "It- It was her idea!" Yunho ripped the dress out of San's grip. "Soo... you are... doing "the thing" now?" He crossed his arms on his chest. "It's- personal." Blushed Yunho, hiding the dress in his sport bag. "Oh, come on!" For sure you have secrets, gossips and juicy things to tell me!" "No!" "Yunho, you are a real man now. And a nasty one." he added. "No need to be shy." "San!" The tallest boy rolled his eyes. "Okay okay! I stop." Giggled San. "But don't forget to be gently with Y/N." "I am." He replied. "I will treat her gently and never ask her to do something she doesn't want to." "Good." Nodded San. Both of them started to clean their part of the room, quietly. When San added. "Don't be too nice then. Maybe she likes it rough." "I'll kill you!" Growled Yunho, running after San.

MINGI

Mingi was laying on Yunho's bed. It's been 2 hours since they exchanged a word. Yunho has been looking website on his computer, while Mingi was lost on TikTok. The atmosphere wasn't awkward at all. Until Yunho asked: "Song Mingi." "Hm?" "I know that you had many girlfriends, so I think you could help me." Mingi gulped. He lied about the numbers of girls he dated. He said something like "10", but in reality, it was like 1. He’s too shy for that. "Yeah? What do you want to know?" He sat on the bed. "How you knew that you are "doing well"? He asked, blushing a bit. "Doing what?" Repeated Mingi, naively. "You know..." Mingi raised a brow, not having a blue about what he wanted to talk about. "With Y/N, we took the next step. And I don't really know if I'm-" "The next step?" "Yeah. Sex." Yunho raised a brow. "You know what it is? Because I thought you did it a tone of time. Right?" Mingi was shocked and scared. Yunho had been his friend, probably the closest one, since a long time and to know that he was now sexually active was surprising. "Mingi?" "Huh? Y-Yeah?" He sneered. "A ton of times!" "So how do you know they liked it?" "Huh. I-I-Well-Haha." He stuttered, laughing nervously. "You know! The moans and stuff." "Moans?" "Yeah. The more she's loud, more she likes it." He said coolly. "Really? I don't think that's a good value. She can fake it." "Why would she do that? That's mean." "To be nice with me probably. To not ruin the mood." Mingi blushed. "Women does that?" "Some of them, I guess. For our ego." Yunho shrugged. "Wow. Well." He paused, trying to keep his composure. "Just talk to her. Conversations are the key. Yunho nodded, satisfied with his answer. "You are probably right." "Of course! You are talking with a pro!" "Why we never met one of them by the way?" "Oh! Seonghwa is calling me! We are going to talk about that later okay?" Mingi ran away. "I'm coming Hyung!" "N-Nobody called you." Whispered Yunho confused.

WOOYOUNG

Wooyoung was laying on the living-room's couch. One leg on the headrest, the other one falling on the floor. "The answer is Spring Day!" He yelled throwing a chip on the TV screen. "How can you ignore this when you claim about being an army." He rolled his eyes. Wooyoung almost had a heart attack when the bell rang loudly in the dorm. He growled lazily, and finally walked to the door. "Mingi you forgot your key all-" "Hello." You bowed politely and shyly. Wooyoung had the instant reflex to hide behind the door, ready to slam it at your face. "Oh no! I'm not a fan!" You tried to reassure him. "I'm Y/N." "Y/N?" He repeated. "Like Yunho's Y/N?" You nodded, shy to be categorized as Yunho's girlfriend. "Yunho is not here." He's filming his k-drama." "Yeah, but he told me you would be there." You smiled. "I just need to pick something I've left here." "Oh. You already came here?" Asked Wooyoung. You ignored his question, too shy to answer it and pointed at the hoodie hanging on Yunho's doorknob. "Here it is!" You removed your shoes quickly and walked past Wooyoung. He was looking at every of your moves, trying to know how you left suck a big piece of clothes here. "Now that I have it. I should go." You waved at Wooyoung who was still confused. "Huh- bye." He replied. When you closed the door, Wooyoung's brain tilted. At the terrible image of Yunho doing profanities at the dorm, maybe right where he was sitting few minutes ago, he almost threw up. "Disgusting Jeong Yunho."

The same night, Wooyoung was waiting patiently his friend's return. "We are home!" Yelled San, followed by Seonghwa, Yunho and Jongho. Wooyoung almost tripped on his run to the hallway. "Yunho Hyung... Y/N came here to take back the thing she left here." "Y/N?" Repeated Seonghwa. "She came here?" Asked Jongho. "Y-Yeah one time. It was raining this day." Replied Yunho, blushing a bit. "So, it was cold too?" Insisted Wooyoung. "Yeah." "So how did she leave without her hoodie?" He smirked. Yunho took a second to realize that Wooyoung knew. "Let's talk in my room." He gripped his friend's arm before heading to his room. "You a little nasty boy." Shouted Wooyoung, sure that everyone would hear it. When the door slammed, the 3 other boys were looking at each other. "The hell is going on in this house now." Sighed Seonghwa.

JONGHO

"You can't beat me Hyung." Laughed Jongho. "I just need more training." Replied Yunho, trying to launch the basketball right in. "How can you not put at least one, with your height?" "You are talking way too much for someone who faked to have a cramp when I had a point." Smirked Yunho. "This is a strict basketball rule." Shrugged Jongho. "It's not." Jongho took the advantage of Yunho's distraction to rip the ball out of his large hands. This action was followed by an intense match. Jongho was still the best, but his friend's score was close enough. Only one point was missing to give Jongho the victory. Unexpectedly, Yunho tried to dunk, thinking that he already won, but the ball bounced out. "How can you miss this with your height?" They both looked at you. "That's exactly what I said." Added Jongho. Your boyfriend ran to you, greeting you with a kiss on the cheek. "Hi babe." "Hi." You replied, smiling widely at you. "Do you want to play with us Y/N?" Offered the maknae. "If you are not scared to lose." You threatened him. "Never." "Okay go then." You removed your hoodie which could be annoying to play with. When you made sure everything was okay, you nodded at the boys but both of them were like a bit petrified. At their face, you realized which mistakes you made. "Shit!" "Yu-Yunho did this to you?!" Asked Jongho, pointing at your neck and collarbone. "Jongho shh!" You put your hand on his mouth. "Keep it as a secret." Begged your boyfriend. Jongho removed your hand." Keep the secret about you making Y/N look like a pepperoni pizza?!" "He's right about that though. You made a bunch of hickeys." Yunho rolled his eyes and handed you back your hoodie. "Put it back before someone else see it." "So. Wait. Pause." Realized Jongho. "So now you are into sex?" "Jeez that's awkward." You whispered. "We are not going to talk about it right now and here." Refused Yunho. "We are going to talk about it right now." Replied the maknae, arms crossed over his chest. "Gosh, Hongjoong is that you." You giggled. "Oh yeah, good idea. We should tell our beloved leader." "Nice one Y/N..." Sighed your boyfriend. "It was supposed to be a joke!" You freaked out.

#ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez writings #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez suggestive #ateez #ateez x atiny #ateez x you #ateez smut

[aceavatar]

Exchange Student

Hinata x gn!American Reader

warnings: slight language, fluff

IMPORTANT:

dialogue in “” is Japanese. ‘’ is English.

Being an exchange student was fun. So was having one.

I never thought it would be until my mother announced that we were going to be hosting a Japanese boy. That also meant that I’d be living in Japan with him and his family for a long period of time as well.

“Shoyo!” I shouted, grinning widely.

“Y/n!” He shouted back, running up to me, arms open. We crashed into each other, hugging one another tightly.

“You’re actually here!” He said, pulling away.

“Yes! It feels like it’s been so long!” I laugh.

“Too long!” He nods, holding my hands in his excitedly.

He lived with me and my family in America for the fall semester, and he went back home for Christmas, so I already knew him pretty well. I stayed in America for Christmas, but now, it was January 2nd and time for me to start my time in Japan.

“My family is so excited to see you again. Come on, let’s go eat dinner!”

“We’re so glad you’re here, Y/n.” His mother said, hugging me.
“I’m so glad to be here!” I said. “We loved having Shoyo, all of my friends told me to tell him to come back whenever he can. I think they like him more than they like me!” I joke. She laughs while Shoyo blushes, waving his hands in front of his face.

‘We ride bikes to school, you can use my mom’s until we can go to the store to get you one.’ Shoyo said. We shared a bedroom, but I didn’t mind. We did for a while back home, and it was normal feeling.

‘Uniforms are so weird to me.’ I muttered, pulling up my socks.

‘Well I thought that picking a new outfit every day was weird. You’ll get used to it though, I promise.’ He said with a smile. He spoke to me in English frequently, which I was grateful for. He mentioned how overwhelming the language and culture of America was, so I spoke in Japanese with him a lot just to make things easier, and he did that with me too. It made me feel cared for. Well, I was being cared for.

I laughed, nodding. ‘That makes sense.’

We rode our bikes over the rolling hills as my eyes wandered the scenery. It was beautiful here.

Once we got to school, we locked our bikes on the rack and walked in. ‘Welcome to Karasuno, Y/n.’ He said with a grin, waving his arm as if presenting the building to me.

‘Thank you!’ I laughed. ‘I’m excited to see what it’s like.’

“SHOYOOOOO!” A voice shouted, making me jump. I turned my head to see a guy about Shoyo’s height sprinting towards us. “How was your holidays, buddy?” The guy asked. His eyes locked on me, furrowing his eyebrows and tilting his head. “Who’s this?”

“This is Y/n. They’re the exchange student.” He said, nodding at me, telling me to introduce myself.

“Y/n L/n. Nice to meet you.” I smiled at the boy.

“Nishinoya. It’s nice to meet you too!” He smiled back. “You’re American?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s awesome!” He claps. “You’ve got to teach me some slang and stuff!”

“I will.” I said, laughing.

Later that day, after school ended, it was time for volleyball.

‘Are you sure you want to stay for this?’ Shoyo asked me. ‘I don’t want you to be bored.’

‘Oh it’s okay, you waited through my dance rehearsals, didn’t you? Plus, I’d love to see you play volleyball with your actual team, not me in the backyard.’ I said with a smile, nudging him.

He grinned. ‘Okay! I’m gonna go get changed, you wait here.’ He said, putting his hands on my shoulders before he dashed off. I nodded and stood outside the gym, tapping my foot and scrolling on my phone.

“Um, are you lost?” A voice asked. I looked up to meet brown eyes. I shook my head with a smile. “Oh, okay.” He stood, looking around. “Uh, can I ask why you’re here?”

“I’m waiting on someone.” I said. “He should be back soon-“

“Who’s this?” Another person asked, walking up, a third guy next to him.

Oh gosh. Three tall volleyball players. Intimidating. I blinked up at them.

“Figuring that part out.” The first guy said.

“She looks frightened..” The third one said, worry in his voice.

‘My name is Y/n.’ I said. Wait, no, wrong language. “Y/n, my name is Y/n.”

“Oh, nice to meet you.” The first one said. “I’m Daichi. That’s Sugawara and that’s Asahi.”

I nodded as he pointed to the second and third guys. “Nice to meet you guys.”

“Who are you waiting on?” Daichi asked.

“Shoyo.” I looked behind them to see if it was Shoyo himself walking up, but no, it was a tall blonde next to a short green haired guy. “Hinata. Shoyo Hinata. I think he’s changing. He said to wait here.”

“Oh, why don’t you come on in?” Sugawara said, linking his arm with mine, leading me into the gym. It was a nice gym, much nicer than the gyms back home.

“Y/n! Hi!” Nishinoya said, waving at me. I waved back.
“You know them?” Asahi asked.

“Met them earlier!” He explained, continuing his stretching.

“Y/n! There you are!” Shoyo’s voice rang in my ears. I turned my head, face unintentionally breaking out into a smile. ‘I see you’ve met most of the team.’ He said, jogging up to me.

‘Yeah, they’re all really nice to me.’

‘That’s good!’ He grinned.

“It’s so weird hearing him speak in English.” A guy with buzzed hair said, walking up to join the group that somewhat gathered around me.

“Agreed.” The tall blonde said.

“I speak in English around them to bring them familiarity.” Shoyo said. “They’re fluent though.”

“Yeah, it gets tiring being immersed in a totally new culture.” I explained, and they nodded.

“Can you teach me some cool English words?” The green haired guy asked. “I’m Yamaguchi by the way.”

“Nice to meet you! Of course, I’d love to!” I said with a grin.

“Hi guys!” I said, walking in the little ramen restaurant.

“Y/n!” The boys chorused my name. Yachi grinned and waved me over to sit in between her and Daichi, across from Shoyo.

“I’m so proud of all of you!” I said, grinning. They just defeated Shiratorizawa. It was incredible. I wasn’t able to physically be there because I had to fly back to the states for a family emergency. I was on the phone with Shoyo on their entire bus ride there, calming his nerves. Yachi sent me live updates, which I was thankful for. I had flown back that day and arrived back in Japan right as their practice was ending, so we all agreed to meet for dinner.

“Thank you, Y/n! We missed you!” Suga said.

“We did! The team was freaking out without their emotional support American.” Daichi said with a chuckle.

“I missed you all so much!” I grinned.

The conversation shifts to the game, and just to random little side conversations. A while into the dinner, I feel an elbow in my side. I turn my head to see Daichi, leaning closer to whisper something to me “Shoyo missed you a lot. I know he really cares about you, I think he loves you.”

My eyes went wide, blinking at the boy next to me. “Really?” My heart sped up.

He nodded. “Trust me.”

I trusted him.

That sounded bad. I trusted him, and he was telling the truth.

A couple nights later, I was sitting on the sidelines, watching the boys practice. Shoyo was practicing a certain move with Kageyama, drilling it over and over, trying to get the perfect outcome. I looked up and watched them in awe. I was always so impressed with Kageyama’s skill and Shoyo’s drive.

Once they finally got it, Shoyo turned his head to see if I was watching. When he saw that I was, his grin grew even wider. ‘Did you see that?!’ He exclaimed.

‘Yes!’ I clapped and cheered. He laughed and Kageyama blushed at the attention, looking away and scratching his neck.

About 20 minutes later, we had said good night to Kageyama and were walking to get our bikes.

‘Hey, Shoyo, can we talk about something?’ I asked, looking up at the dark sky.

‘Yeah, of course.’ He said, expression turning serious. ‘Is everything all right?’

‘Yeah, don’t worry. I just, wanted to tell you something.’

‘Okay, what’s up?’ We stopped walking.

‘I- well, I,’ I look at his face, and his eyes search mine. ‘I’m in love with you, Shoyo Hinata.’

He blinked at me.

“I love you.”

He chuckled, cheeks pink. ‘I love you too, Y/n.’

‘You do?’

‘Duh, of course.’ He said with a grin, pulling me into a hug. “A whole lot, actually.”

There wasn’t a dry eye in sight. Including mine.

“Do you have to go home?” Noya asked, a frown etched into his face.

I nod sadly. “I can’t stay here forever. But I will come back whenever I can.”

“Don’t forget to text us! And snap us! And send us tiktoks!” Suga said, hugging me.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I said, hugging back.

‘Have a safe flight!’ Yamaguchi said in English, making me smile.

‘Thank you, I will.’ I said back, hugging him next. I hugged each member of the team, promising the same promise to each of them, that I’d keep in contact and not forget them. Like I could forget them. I couldn’t forget them if I tried.

After more farewells, I finally see the red haired boy wading through the crowd of people. “Y/n.” He said, walking up to me.

He helped me pack, which hurt more than I ever though it would.

The whole team moves away to give us a moment, which I’m grateful for. They even forced themselves not to watch us/eavesdrop.

‘I’m gonna miss you so fucking much, Shoyo.’ I said, tears starting up again.

‘I’m gonna miss you too, Y/n.’ He said, wiping his own tears away.

‘I’ll call you every day, I’ll send letters and my hoodies and we’ll visit each other when we can,’ He rambled, holding onto my hands tightly.

“We’ll work, Shoyo.” I said. “I love you too much to lose you.” I look down at my watch, frowning. ’It’s time, I’ve got to leave now.’

He nodded, hugging me tight. He held my face in his hands, slowly moving to kiss me. His soft lips meet mine, passionately kissing me for the last time for a while. I gently placed my arms over his shoulders, pushing myself closer, trying to get one final memory of his feel, taste, smell.

The two of you knew his team would poke fun at the two of you later, but you didn’t care. His lips moving against yours was all that mattered.

I pulled away, taking a breath and resting my forehead on his.

“I love you.” He looked into my eyes. ‘I love you.’

“I love you too, Shoyo.” I grabbed my suitcase handle and adjusted my backpack’s weight on my shoulders.

I started walking away, and after I got to the doors of the airport, I turned to wave.

There stood the boy I grew to love, and the boys I loved in a different way, waving back.

It was about a year until I was able to fly back to Japan. 11 months, technically.

Nobody was there to pick me up from the airport, but it was okay, I knew my way around. I went to the Hinata household to drop off my bags, hugging his mother and sister before going to the Karasuno gym. Although it was break for me, they still had school. It would be weird not seeing the third years, but I was looking forward to meeting the new first years.

I walked up, catching the eye of Coah Ukai. I waved at him and he nodded. “Hinata!” He yelled like he was in trouble.

“Yes!” The familiar voice said. I saw him jog up to Ukai, putting his hands on his knees. Ukai waved his hand and I gingerly stepped in the gym, biting my lip.

Shoyo tilted his head and looked at the door, noticing movement. His brown eyes met mine, going wide. He stood up straight, jaw dropping. He grew a bit.

“Y/n?” He asked. He looked at Ukai ask if asking: Are you seeing this too?

“Shoyo!” I smiled, reaching out to him with grabby hands. He sprinted, full on sprinted towards me, crashing into me like he did at the airport after Christmas break.

‘Holy shit Y/n, you’re here! You’re here you’re here you’re here!” He picked me up, spinning me around. He laughed with joy, eyes sparking.

New faces, presumably first years, stared at us, confusion painted on their faces.

“Y/n! You’re back!” Yamaguchi called, waving.

“Yyyyyy/nnnnnnn!” Noya screamed, waving.

“She was an exchange student last year.” Kageyama explained to a first year holding a ball. “Also Hinata’s girlfriend.”

“Hinata has a girlfriend?” The boy asked.

“Yeah. They did long distance surprisingly well.” Yams said, smiling at the couple.

“I never would’ve pegged him to be the one to have a serious relationship.” The boy said.

“All right, enough. Go home, copper top. Take tomorrow off.” Ukai said, waving his arm in dismissal. “The rest of you, keep practicing!”

“Thanks, coach!” I called to him, grabbing Shoyo’s hand and pulling him out of the gym. Once we’re outside, the warm sun hits our faces.

“Finally.” I said, ‘Finally I can do this again.’ I kissed him gently, his lips feeling as familiar as they did almost a year ago.

He pulled back to look at me. He held my shoulders and looked, staring at my shoes, pants, arms, then face. ‘You’re here. My favorite person is here. With me. Now. In person. Finally.’ He pulled me in for another kiss, more intense than the last one. “I love you.” He sighed, smiling. ‘I love you.’

Thank the heavens for the exchange student program.

#the colosseum collab #the colosseum sever event #the colosseum #Hinata x reader #shoyo Hinata x reader #hinata x gn!reader #shoyo hinata x y/n #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu x reader #gn #exchange student #exchange student au #the colosseum goes on spring break

[dropintomanga]

Attack on Titan's Ending - We're Now All Free

So this was finally it, huh? A manga that debuted in 2009 which became an anime/manga phenomenon in 2013 and would later still have a significant place in manga history ended this month. Hajime Isayama's Attack on Titan was a title that I liked a lot and while there were some great moments in its final arc, the manga seemed like it tried a bit too hard to emphasize the complexity of human beings. Then again, maybe that's been the whole point of the series.

Spoilers abound after the jump.

I got to read up on the chapters that made up Volume 34. To be honest, it felt like somewhat of a mess. The whole backstory about Ymir Fritz confuses me a bit. I know that I will need to re-read the entire series to get a clearer idea. I got that the series became some kind of commentary on how people are always finding ways to divide one another via their differences.

It's just that I missed the old days, pre-basement. Attack on Titan was labeled as a horror action manga to a certain degree. I recently was reading an article about CM Punk (a former WWE wrestler who was very popular, but left the business after frustrations with management) and he talked about a horror movie he was cast in. Punk was asked about his love of horror and he said:

"I grew up on it, you know? I grew up on it because it was taboo. When things are taboo and you’re told you’re not allowed to watch it, what do you do? You watch it! You watch a lot of it. As you grow older, smarter and get some wisdom about the world, you realize that horror is the genre that tackles, before any other movie genre, the hard-hitting issues. Dating all the way back to George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead tackling racism. I love a great slasher movie, right? Jason Voorhees and some camp counselors. Just let them loose."

As many fans who follow Attack on Titan will tell you, the story takes a huge shift from the days of Titans eating humans and the mystery surrounding them to a world where humanity is actually thriving and politics are a big reason why the events of Attack on Titan are the way they are. I know some people dropped the series after that. I don't blame them because to be frank, the series loses some of its unique appeal as most fans have seen stories of the latter quite often. There were still horror elements (albeit very few), but the tension delivered later on in most scenes weren't ones that gave readers chills down their spines.

I wrote a lot about Attack on Titan. I wrote about Mikasa, Hange, Annie, Eren's stress, Levi's past, etc. But once that time-skip happened, I never felt compelled to write about Attack on Titan much. There was some good exploration about Reiner's guilt about his actions early on. But nothing was super-compelling to talk about honestly to me. I think the time-gap between the 1st and 2nd anime seasons didn't help and so many exciting series (mostly from Shonen Jump) were coming out around that time period.

I did think the ending was okay. I do believe that Isayama was trying to point out that bringing real change in society comes from talking to one another in person despite differences. This was reflected in a campfire scene before the final battle where all of the "good guys" and the "bad guys" sat together to hash it out. You don't have to like one another, but never let differences become radicalized to the point of no return. I'll admit that this isn't easy and these things never are. Plus, talk should mostly be a starting point to get rid of injustice.

What I've learned from my own experiences is that I sometimes get anxious over certain conversations with people that I may not agree with. But once they happen in a safe environment and no one's shouting, I actually learn something and so does the other person. I can't assume everyone who disagrees with me is an awful person. I will never, ever suggest social media as a way to have those kinds of conversations because some people are either too awful or just say well-intentioned things without thinking about the person's true feelings.

And about people I truly dislike, I just look at them with pity because I know they're just being brainwashed by grifters/scammers/cult-like leaders.

Having those kinds of perspectives really benefited my mental health, so I guess I can appreciate Isayama for highlighting what it means to live among people who I don't always feel comfortable around.

I also love the Ackermans (Mikasa and Levi) for being the ones to take out the end-game threats. They're a family known to be Titan-killers, but there's also some Asian blood within them. I got a funny sense of Asian pride in seeing Mikasa and Levi wreck shit and getting respect for it.

While the ending felt similar to Code Geass, I kind of understand the view point on being the world's enemy to bring the world together. It's just a bit too naive. Even after all that, people are still at conflict with another only without Titans around. Maybe that's the whole point - the fact that self-sacrifice isn't a panacea to life's complexities. Martyrdom is sometimes worshipped a bit too much and there's a good number of disenfranchised young men who fall in love with that idea.

To end this post, I think back to how Isayama came up with the idea of Attack on Titan. He said that the story came to him after seeing a frustrated customer grab him by the collar while working at an internet cafe. Isayama noted how scary the person was and it was hard to communicate with him. The whole point of Attack on Titan is not just freedom, but getting past communication barriers with other people we fear.

When it comes to freedom, a lot of people seem to have a naïve and/or child-like sense of it. I see this a lot during the COVID-19 pandemic. They think freedom is basically the right to do whatever you want and not be punished for it. However, true freedom involves doing as you please and having the ability to be responsible to yourself and other people.

I know this viewpoint irks people, but the whole ending gives off that vibe. I have to respect Isayama for that.

I think that's all I have to say about Attack on Titan. This series played a big part in helping the anime and manga industries post-2008. It also made me see the possibility of a mainstream shonen hit that wasn't from Jump. I was one of the first people to pay attention to the series before it was licensed in English. I even got praise from Kodansha folks saying that I played a huge part in bringing the series over.

So I have a lot of fun memories. One of my personal favorite memories was during NYCC 2013 where a huge gathering of Attack on Titan cosplayers at Kodansha Comics' booth and Japanese news programming was there to film it. I got to witness all of that interaction between Americans and Japanese. I left the gathering thinking that things were really on the up-and-up for anime and manga perception over in the U.S. We're now in a golden age of anime/manga and Attack on Titan deserves credit for bringing us to it.

So thanks, Hajime Isayama, for showing the world what Kodansha stories are all about - inspiring impossible stories.

#Attack on Titan #manga #ending #characters #psychology #mental health

[liigainenglish]

2ND PERIOD

I just realized Karri Rämö is wearing a Calgary Flames helmet that’s just in black and white 😂

Also weird af because arena announcer just yelled START CLAPPING but uh... the arena is empty? Or well they have arena restaurant and the boxes open but it’s not that many people

Lukko hoped they could have opened the arena for 600 people which is 13% of the capacity but local government kept the maximum at 20 which is funny because you can go to a sold out bar to watch the game but watching the game in the arena with masks on is prohibited

A SCUFFLE

Which means penalties for Lukko’s Saarijärvi and TPS’s Haapanen

TPS takes two shots during the 4 on 4 and they both hit the post

But straight upon arriving from the box Haapanen scores

TPS LEADS 2-0

Assuming Pekka Virta going to hop down the stairs right about now

It’s not that Lukko is playing bad but merely that TPS is using their chances

I WAS RIGHT, VIRTA SIGHTING ON THE BENCH

Holy shit what a shot by Lukko’s Mattila but Rämö blocks it with his head

Kareyev missed the entire semifinals round but is back on the bench today but TPS decided to use Rämö because he was the main reason they made it to the finals

YIKES. TPS’s Viro full on kneed Pospisil

The refs go check the call on the video because there is an additional ruling for playoffs that any penalties that are 5+ minutes can be reviewed in order to prevent mistakes that can turn the entire game

What the refs can do is either cancel the call they made on ice, switch it to 2 minutes, keep it at 5 minutes or give a game misconduct to the player

And Viro gets a misconduct meaning baiiiiiiiiiii boiiiiiiiii and will most likely face a temporary suspension for tomorrow whilst player safety reviews the case, don’t mark my words

AZSDFRGTYHUJIK LUKKO’S DJ IS PLAYING THIS FINNISH SONG THAT HAS THE LYRICS “WHAT’S THE ISSUE WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH SKILLS” AS VIRO LEAVES THE ICE

Lukko with 5 minute power play, let’s see what happen

Sigh, Lukko have taken most of the 5 mins in the offensive zone but not managed to score

FINALLY ROBIN PRESS MY BEARDED SWEDISH LOVER SCORES

Yeah my bias just came out but I’m a Laplander and Lukko have a Laplander in their midst so we kind of support our own because we literally don’t have that many pro players

(If you’re wondering who are the most notable Lapland players: Jesse Puljujärvi, Ville Pokka, Saku Mäenalanen, Vili Saarijärvi and Antti Erkinjuntti)

This didn’t go like HIFK’s 5 minute power play in the bronze game where they scored two in the last minute

TPS’s Pajuniemi off to the box just a minute prior end of period as he cross-checked Lukko player

But no goals and the PP continues in third period

GAME 2-1 FOR TPS

#liiga lb

[becomewings]

Archived Network Event

2020 Secret Bunny Exchange

hai lovely! Im sparkle and I’m going to be your secret bunny. I hope you’re having a good day or night. 🥰 -sparkle ✨💫

Hello Sparkle dear! Thank you for being my secret bunny. I hope you are having a good day/night too and enjoying this wonderful comeback.

I’m enjoying it too! It’s such a good comeback, and I honestly love it. This is like my second comeback with them. -sparkle 💫✨

This is my first comeback, eek! I was not at all prepared for how much I would be waiting on the edge of my seat, but it's been really exciting!

Yes! It's such a good comeback honestly. When did you first get into BTS? What drew you to them? I'm sorry I'm asking for many questions. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨

It's okay, ask away! ^^ I stumbled across BTS by accident...which may indicate just how much I live under a cultural rock. I actually don't usually listen to much pop music. I'm a classically trained composer and video game soundtracks and moody indie/rock are more my jam, but last year I heard the YouTube ad that uses part of DNA and it intrigued me. I didn't know which song it was so I ended up listening through quite a bit before finding it...and fell absolutely in love along the way! So I have a soft spot in my heart for DNA. How about you, Sparkle? What got you into BTS?

So first, I hope you're having a too day/night! It's been a very long and busy one for me. I'm so glad to be off. Alsooo, I've been into Kpop for around 10 years now, so I've always enjoyed and I have a soft spot for 2nd gen kpop groups. When BTS started to get popular I didn't like them at first. But I saw Dope after the FBE channel reacted to them and I'm like okay they seem interesting around 2018. Lol. And I went down the hole, and have been stuck since. Lol. They're amazing. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you Sparkle, hope you enjoy your evening off! Mine was busy too (we’re prepping for a move, eep) but at least it was productive. Wow, you’ve been into Kpop for a long time! Dope is really catchy (and I love that honky sax haha), I’m not surprised it got you interested and then hooked. :) Do you have a favorite era? Mine is probablyyy Wings, but I love most of Love Yourself too, and HYYH is so wonderfully nostalgic even if I wasn’t a fan then... and I’m a big fan of this new era too

Moving sucks! I'm going to be moving in the next year or so, and I"m not read for it. And yes! I've been into it for so long. But HYYH is one of my favorites as well. I think mine may be LY because that was the era that I started stanning them. I forget which one, but it's the one with idol as their title song. Wings is super amazing, and one of those that I'll always listen to. MOTS is just GOD TIER. Lol. I love it. -sparkle 💫✨

Haha MoTS being god tier is accurate xD Sounds like your move is a little ways off, but I wish you the best of luck when it happens! Ours is on a fairly tight deadline so I really have to hustle this weekend with house preparations (we still need to sell ours). I hope you have a lovely weekend, dear Sparkle! 💫

It is a little ways off, but moving just sucks in general. The packing and unpacking and then trying to get everything ready. Especially in your case. But I hope everything works out for you. And I hope you have a beautiful weekend too. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you, Sparkle! We made a lot of progress today so I feel a bit better (and extremely tired). When the time comes, I hope you have the opportunity to prepare ahead for your move so it doesn't stress you too much. :) Have a nice start to your week! ✨

Heyyy! It's me sparkle! It's been alright so far, let's how it stays that way. And I'm glad you've made more progress on your move! Hopefully your Monday was good. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you, Sparkle! There's so much going on in the world right now, close to home and far away... I am trying to stay calm and positive, with varying degrees of success. Please take care of yourself! (And that goes to everyone... I know it is difficult because we all have our own obligations to school, work, family, etc., but please try to prioritize your health and stay safe 💜)

Yes! I hope you’re staying safe. I don’t know what area of the world you live in and I know the virus is hitting others harder than most. We have 8 reported cases here. And it’s a scary to me. I hope you are staying safe. I just said that twice. Lol. Happy Thursday! -sparkle ✨💫

Thank you, you too! I live in the US (California, to be somewhat specific) and so far there have been two confirmed cases in my county. I'm grateful the university I work at is (finally) taking precautionary measures by banning large gatherings and moving classes temporarily online, and that I can continue working unless there is a full campus closure... Trying not to be too anxious about things that are simply out of my control and hoping that things gradually work out and improve. I'm also grateful for the community here, even if I don't know anyone personally, it is nice to come online and see people being reassuring and encouraging to each other from all across the globe.

Music and BTS are a good distraction when needed... Now that their promotional period is done, do you have a favorite moment?

I'll repeat you too, please stay safe dear, you and everyone who happens to read this 💜

I truly wish that my job would take some measures, and they have yet. I work with the general public a lot as a secretary. So it's like seriously having me on edge. I know the schools year have temporally closed down and moving things to online since it was spring break here. As well as the public schools closing for a month. Honestly, I'm not sure if I have a favorite moment honestly. Lol. They were all good moments, but I did quite enjoy watching all the ON performances. What about you?

I truly hope your employer catches on soon and makes accommodations so that you can practice some social distancing and have a safe work environment. We were just informed today that we have to work from home two days next week, on rotation, to keep our department staffed but also reduce the number of people on the floor -- for next week only so far, but I won’t be surprised if it continues past that. I can’t fulfill all of my responsibilities from home, so I’m grateful that they are allowing us to complete online trainings and such in the meantime. I am also so glad it’s Friday. What a week it’s been.

Ahh, I love ON! As a former member of drumline and marching band, I have such a fondness for the drum corps elements they incorporated into the music and background choreography. I was excited for the Official MV version too, so beautiful and thought-provoking! I also looove Black Swan (JIMIN’S DANCING EEK). I haven’t been as excited about something in a long time as when I stayed up late to catch their first performance on James Corden. So while I’ve enjoyed all of the comeback (especially as it’s my first!), that was particularly memorable for me. The surprise MV drop was also lovely 🦢🖤

Sorry, I am really rambly tonight. Please take care and have a good weekend! Hope you can get lots of rest! 💗

It’s been a long couple days! Sorry I haven’t gotten back with you! I’ve been stressed about everything going on, and I do hope that they catch on soon too. I was very excited for this comeback and the art in their videos has been beautiful. Black Swan and Jimin dance break? Quality content honestly. Yes! The surprise MV was great. I prefer this version of Black Swan over the other, but both are good. I hope you had a good weekend! -sparkle 💫✨

Hi again Sparkle, thank you for checking in on me! Please don't apologize for messaging delays, there's no need! We all signed up for this event long before any of this started, so I'm grateful you can spare a little time to chat with me. 💜 I'm working from home for at least the next 3 weeks because my uni is now fully closed... But I'm very grateful I have that opportunity. (As much as sometimes I would just like to go to sleep and wake up when this is all over, hah!)

Please continue to take care of yourself! Hope you find some comfort in music or other personal hobbies!

How are you doing? Last week was so stressful for me. So I am quite happy to be working from home this week. I hope you are staying healthy and happy through all of this! How was your week last week? I hope your weekend was alright? I had a pretty decent one me and a couple close friends had game night, and that was the highlight of my weekend. -sparkle 💫✨

I missed hearing from you, Sparkle! (But totally understand, the world is upside down right now.) I’m sorry you had a stressful week and I hope this one is better for you as you transition to working from home. My days have just fluctuated between quiet/boring and a little stressful (mostly re: house stuff, but that’s out of my control at this point), but I suppose I’m glad it hasn’t been worse than that.

Ooh what are your favorite games?? I’ve been trying to keep up creative side work between writing and blog content, but… I might purchase Animal Crossing soon hehe. Do you have any other hobbies to help distract you from stress/everything that’s going on? Take care dear! 💗

I know! I let time get away from me honestly! I hadn't been meaning too. I miss talking to you! I love all kind of games. I'm not particularly picky, but i do like that Game of LIfe. I've had just about ever version they've made. We played this one called Blockbuster in reference to movies and it was fun because if you know a lot of movies it's somewhat easy but you have to act out some of hte titles. Lol. Animal crossing seems like fun, everyone talks about it. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

I’ve never played it before. I’ve been thinking of getting an Nintendo Switch, but I don’t know how often I would play it. I know that game comes on there. But I heard it’s also an app? I’m not entirely sure. Lol. Also, I’m planning on making you a gif set for the secret bunny exchange! I know you said you love Jimin (my bias wrecker and sweet baby), Kookie, and Tae. And you were right, it’s hard to pick just ONE. Is there any particular one you want to see in a gif set? -sparkle 💫✨ 2/2

Receiving messages from you makes me happy! ^^ I know life is strange right now though so completely understand if you don’t have time. I’ll be patiently waiting!

So you like tabletop games? Sounds fun! I gravitate toward video games more personally, but haven’t had too much time lately to play. There are definitely fun ones to try if you ever get a Switch! There’s Breath of the Wild of course, which I admit I am still holding off on finishing because I don’t want it to be over LOL, some Mario & friends party games if that’s your jam, as well as some really beautiful indie games (Gris for example!). ANYWAY I won’t ramble about that anymore haha. I’m not sure what the app is, if you were referring to Animal Crossing–might be a companion to the game? I saw a tweet referring to using an app for quicker messaging in AC lol, but I haven’t played the game myself yet. 

Aw thank you so much for asking about the gift (and for making it in the future)!! Oh dear you want ME to pick one? If I’m honest, I think Jimin and Tae light up my heart the absolute most (any vmin content gives me life but totally understand if that’s not your thing) but… please don’t ask me to… choose between them HAHA. How about you go with whoever would give you the most joy to gif right now?? I will truly be happy to receive any gift from you, regardless of who is featured. :’)) thank you dear!! 

(Edit: btw who is your bias??)

I love tabletop games, and I play a lot of video games too. So don't get me wrong, I am huge into video games, but I don't play them as often. my boyfriend uses his PS4 all the time. I'm still trying to get through SpiderMan, but that's also because I don't wanna end it. I'm almost finished though. And yes! It's so hard to choose just one honestly, so I get your dilemma. And I can do vmin content! I don't gif them much and I want too. I can't wait to work on something for you! -sparkle 💫✨

Yay!! Sounds like we might have that in common. I have a huge appreciation for video games (and video game soundtracks is one of my favorite ‘genres’ of music, recognizing that they’re incredibly diverse of course), but I spend more time watching videos of other people playing them than playing them myself haha. We have a PS4 too. SpiderMan looked fun but I never tried it! I loved watching my partner play FFXV and Death Stranding. Trying to remember what I’ve actually finished on PS4, it’s been awhile lol... Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture and Rime were beautiful. I started Last Guardian but didn’t get very far before life got too busy. :( Hope I can pick it up again some day! Do you have a favorite PS4 game?

Aww you’re too kind. I’m so excited to see what you create!! And to chat with you off-anon. :) Who is your favorite member to gif?

Yes, I also like watching other people play video games, but it's rare when I do. I always end up getting distract sometimes. I've played SpiderMan, Horizon Zero Dawn, which are my favorites as well as Tomb Raider. I do really like FFXV, but i haven't played it in so long though. I can't wait to talk to you off anon either. I be having to really make sure I press the anon button. adlfkjsl I"m bad at forgetting. And Yoongi is my favorite to gif. -sparkle 💫✨

Oo I forgot I watched some of Horizon Zero Dawn too! Very impressive game. It looks like a lot of fun and I might try to play it myself in the future.. but like you said, it’s easy to get distracted. Life just likes to get in the way huh. Have you seen/heard of Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice? Intennnnse. I’m an absolute coward when it comes to horror games (or movies) and somehow my partner tricked me into playing one of the scariest parts because he got too scared HAH. That being said, as much as I love really emotionally intense games, I love soft gentle ones too… especially chill co-ops! (I’m thinking of the one we played most recently, Pode… that was on Switch though.)

Yayy Yoongi! I really do love all of BTS, and while the maknae line ran off with my heart, I have a big soft spot for Yoongi. I was never really drawn to rap/hip-hop except maybe Linkin Park like in middle school am I dating myself until I met Yoongi and just… wow.  ._. He’s so expressive in his delivery, his lyrics are heart-breakingly raw and honest, and he has extraordinary range between his gentlest material and the lines that come at you with a knife. Also I’m so proud of him for continuing to work as a producer and refine those skills on top of his life as an idol. What are your favorite things about Yoongi? If you can even choose haha 💗

Lol I know what you mean, I was really paranoid the first 2 weeks about sending anon messages to my other partners on mobile because the interface was different and I was really suspicious of the term ‘public’ vs ‘private.’ And every time I send the ask for about 5 seconds I question whether or not I clicked anon.

P.S. I should keep my mouth shut but … I have an itty bitty guess of who you may be. I won’t say any more than that and I guess I’ll find out in 2 weeks whether I’m right or wrong haha. xD take care sparkle dear!!

That game was really fun honestly. I still haven't finished. And sameeee! I am not into the horror games. The movies I can do, but the games I'm just too scared to really play them. I tried Resident Evil, and I was like this is a BIG FAT NO. Lol. And I haven't heard of that game though, but it sounds intense by the name of it. I also like soft gentle ones, or the ones were it's not a lot of challenging aspects to it. I really like Spyro. The original and the remake. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

Linkin Park is one of my favorite groups. I love them, and miss Chester so much. Also it sounds like we're maybe around the same age because that's when I got into them maybe? And I am so proud of him for everything that he's done. Yoongi originally wasn't my bias at first. I think maybe it was going to be Taehyung, but watching their variety shows made me fall in love with him. Outside of his hard exterior, he's so sweet and loving of the boys. It's so hard to just pick one! -sparkle 💫✨2/2

Okay, so one more. Lol. Because the ask limit is so short! I get paranoid all the time, and i have to like double check to make sure I Press it. alkdjfls NOW i'm curious as to who you think I am! But I do how you have a wonderful weekend. -sparkle 💫✨

Dying over your Resident Evil reaction because... SAME lol. However. I have enjoyed watching some playthroughs of 7 and the remake of 2, which is the closest I will ever come to watching a horror movie again. xD I have really fond memories of playing Spyro at my cousin’s house as a kid, but haven’t tried the remake yet! It looks like fun too. There are too many good games to choose from, not nearly enough time to play lol.

I only really listened to a couple of Linkin Park’s old albums, but I miss Chester too. \: We could be around the same age yeah! I’ll tell you when we’re messaging off-anon. :) 

If I may tell a story, my discovery of BTS went like this: heard a music clip in a YouTube ad of all places (normally skip them lol but I got it a couple times at work and thought hmm this is catchy). Then had to dive into some compilation videos to figure out which heckin song it was (turned out to be DNA). But along the way I found more songs I liked. And then I fell HARD for the Mic Drop MV (again, a little strange for me, because it’s pretty hip-hoppy). Jungkook makes this super intense expression at one moment that made me go oh. hello. So then I slowly learned who the different members were, and since this was me mostly streaming YT in the background at work haha, I had to keep switching tabs to check who was singing. I loved Jungkook’s singing but then also realized that I loved Jimin’s sweet voice too (yes I admit when I was first getting to know them, I could not always tell them apart). And THEN mister baritone Tae with his unique falsetto and delicious low range (I really wish they featured his chest voice more but OH WELL I digress) snagged my attention and ANYWAY long story short that’s how I fell in love with BTS and also the entire maknae line I guess. :’)

Hehehe I’ll tell you after the event ends if I’m right or wrong, don’t worry. It might be almost over, but I hope you had a lovely weekend too! ♥♥♥

Yes, somehow my sister convinced me to get it like she was going to play the game too, and she did not. I ended up exchanging the game because I'm like this is a waste of money. haha. I usually always skipped them too, so I totally understand. Everyone I knew liked but I had stopped listening to kpop for a while after the members of Big Bang went into enlistment (sad sad times). I first heard Dope. The FBE Youtube channel reacted to them, and I'm like OKAY GUYS. 1/3 -sparkle 💫✨

When Jungkook hits that high note I was like COME THROUGH VOCALS. So then naturally I had to go and look a few more videos. This was during around the time they had appeared on the AMAs the first time. And then I listened to I Need U and Save Me (this is one of my favorites). And I was hooked. I went and watched their Ellen interviews, and they're so sweet. I ended up binge watching their variety show and Bon Voyage and I was hooked then. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/3

Run BTS was when I realized that Yoongi was my bias. Because I'll admit that I did not like him at first, but I said that already. And then I just realized how sweet and funny he actually his. And I think he's just shy at times. At least in the beginning, but he's so handsome and his stage presence is like a 360 from him being off stage. If that makes sense. I could go on for house about Yoongi. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨3/3

The high notes in Dope are pretty ridiculous because they’re at the start of the phrase so they get little to no preparation lol. Their vocal abilities are truly impressive... and then they do it all while dancing :’) 

I agree that Yoongi’s stage presence is strikingly different from his real self! Or the self we get to see in their behind-the-scenes content lol. Possibly like a lot of people, I thought he was super intimidating and tough until I saw more of him offstage... and then went awww he’s a big softie who just doesn’t pull his punches when he’s rapping and producing.

Do you have any favorite Run BTS episodes? So far I’ve only watched a handful of the recent ones, but all the random gifs and clips of older content warms my heart or makes me laugh. I’d like to eventually watch them all from the beginning... some day lol. (see all previous mentions of being too busy to do anything fun outside of work haha)

They are ridiculous. I love when they hit high notes in songs. All the boys have such a beautiful range, and I love hearing them. Especially when they do their solo songs. Jimin's solos are normally my favorite because his voice is the type I tend to lean towards a lot His stage presence is so different! Just like Jhope's. It's always so different, but it's them all in a nutshell, if that makes sense. Lol. I was in Chorus for a while, and I liked it begin in a group. -sparkle 💫✨1/2

It's easier being in a group, but I could never do it by myself. And favorite Run episode? Hmmm, there are so many that I love. I prefer some of the older episodes to some of the new ones. I'll have to find them again, but there was one where they were doing like this haunted house type of thing and it had me dying of laughter. They're all so funny though. I'm still trying to catch up with some of the new ones they've been doing. -sparkle 💫✨2/2

The vocal line is so wonderful, but I’ve been increasingly impressed with the rap line’s singing too. I have always liked the beginning of Spring Day and I confess it took me an embarrassingly long time to wonder which one of them was singing, and I was surprised to learn that it’s Namjoon. Also his low line in Louder Than Bombs is wonderful... I don’t even care if it’s probably autotuned a little lolol. And I only recently found out about the song Sea, but Tae’s chest-range melody at the very end.. UGHGHGGH it’s too. good. (DEAR BIGHIT COMPOSERS, MORE BARI PLS.)

I had to sing in choir in grad school and ended up enjoying it way more than I thought I would. (I’m a composer/pianist and I needed ensemble credit.) I’ve always been really self conscious about my voice, and now... I would love to take vocal lessons some day. While I know that no two people will play an instrument exactly the same, it’s kind of magical that you don’t know what the true sound or full potential of your own singing voice will be until you train it. Do you play any instruments? :)

The vocal line is amazing. I love all of their voices for different reasons, and sometimes I'm in the mood for one, and then another time I'm in the mood for another. If that makes sense. I haven't listened to Sea that much, but it is such a beautiful song! And you're right. His chest tone HELLO VOCALS. Lol. I'd love to take vocal lessons one day, but not sure if I ever would. And I don't play any instruments, but I would love to learn guitar one day. Lol. It's a dream of mine. -sparkle 💫✨

Hii Sparkle. I’m sorry it took me a bit to get back to you, but it really makes me happy when I receive your messages! Yess Tae’s chest voice deserves all the shouty caps all the time hehe. I hope you have the opportunity to learn the guitar someday if that’s what your dream is! Everyone starts somewhere... I would love to learn the cello too :)) one day haha. 

Do you have a favorite “underrated” bts song? Just curious! Take care dear, looking forward to finding out who you are soon~

Yay! I'm glad you like hearing from me! I really like talking to you. I don't talk to many people on here sometimes, but then other times I do. So this is nice just to be able to talk with a fellow army. One day I will learn it, I just have to learn how to read music first. Lol. Because I definitely don't know how to. Hmm honestly there are a few that I feel are underrated, that i Iove. Spring Day, Hold Me Tight, and Autumn Leaves. These songs are queens! What about you? -sparkle 💫✨

Music is a lifelong learning process but it’s worth it. :’) I believe in you!! 

SPRING DAY!! 🌸🌸🌸 One of my all-time favorites. I honestly might not have a very good awareness of what is underrated and what isn’t, especially among older songs, but... I love Spring Day, The Truth Untold, Jamais Vu, and most recently Sea... lol hm I’m sensing a trend of bittersweet/melancholy songs. But also House of Cards (it’s just so delightfully WEIRD and dark and different??). On the other end of the spectrum (although not sure if it’s underrated?), Silver Spoon/Baepsae. What a jam. Love to tune out the world with that one at work on one of my walk breaks if I had a frustrating day. And maybe it’s too early to tell from MOTS 7, but I get the impression that I might love Louder Than Bombs way more than the average army. And that’s okay :)

I don’t talk to or know very many people on here yet too, probably because my blog is still relatively new. So I’m very glad to be getting to know you

I loved Spring Day as soon as I heard it. I still listen to it a lot when I'm in the mood for it. It's such a beautiful song. The Truth Untold IS A QUEEN. I love that one too. Jamais Vu, I think I have to be in the mood to listen to it sometimes, but it's growing on me. House of Cards, that one I heard last year sometime and I like that one too. I don't listen to it as much. And Silver Spoon is my go too song honestly on my way to work. Louder Than Bombs is really good. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

I listen to that one a lot myself. I think We Are Bulletproof 2.0 maybe one, but I'm not sure either. I absolutely adore that song so much. It's such a beautiful mad song honestly. And also you're right this update is kind of weird, but I don't mind the font so much. -sparkle 💫✨2/2

Yasss I’m glad you like Truth Untold too. It’s too beautiful. I practically cried when I heard for the first time a live performance video (somewhere in Japan) where he sang a higher note in the climax than in the studio recording auuughgghgh my heart. 

We Are Bulletproof pt. 2 took awhile to grow on me but I was happy when it did. I can be a little odd about the order in which I listen to songs, and usually need to listen in album order, but for some reason I really like that one after No More Dream. Also, though it’s hardly underrated, I now know what all the fuss is about Cypher pt. 3. I’ve been gradually purchasing their older albums (kinda out of order) and finally got to Dark & Wild about a month ago haha. I’m listening to all these mad songs now. Been in a weird sad mood for a lot of today tbh and... mad bts is helping a little haha. So is chatting with you!

I’m probably overreacting about the dashboard, but something about that bubbly serif font is irritating haha. And I don’t see this mythical option to revert to the old dashboard that people are talking about in their settings. Boo. I’ll get over it... eventually haha.

The Truth Untold is one of my favorites, and I normally don't like ballads a lot. It takes me a while to get into them, but this one just caught my eye. I'm learning Korean, and it's one of the ones that I can sing along too while reading the lyrics! I am super proud of that accomplishment. When I was going through their albums after I got into them, I skipped the older ones at first. I wasn't sure if I really liked them. -sparkle 💫 1/2

I listen to a select few of them on their darker albums, but a lot of it isn’t really what I like hearing. Although, I think I may revisit the albums again. It’s been a while since I actually listened to them. haha if you go to settings > dashboard you’ll see it there. Just let it load for a second, adn then it pops up. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/2

(Ugh I typed an answer and then tried to drop in a screenshot and everything disappeared. Got it, tumblr. No dropping images. REDO.)

Oo that’s awesome that you’re learning Korean! Are you self-studying? How long have you been studying? I’ve been studying Japanese for several years (very slowly lol). Then a few months ago, thanks to BTS, I was suddenly really interested in learning Korean too. I worked on memorizing hangul for a week and then had a “lol what am I doing” moment when I realized I didn’t know nearly enough Japanese yet to realistically tackle two challenging languages at the same time. So Korean is on hold for now, but I really wish I could just… magically be fluent haha. It would be amazing to understand their lyrics or interviews/conversations on the spot without relying on translations. And English is stupidly difficult, so as much as I appreciate how much effort they’ve put into learning too… as an international fan, I wish I could return that effort too and learn their language so that they don’t feel like they need to learn English. 

Love Yourself: Answer was my first album and I purchased that one specifically because it was a compilation and contained most of the individual songs I already knew I liked from YouTube haha. Then I expanded from there. To be honest, if I had found BTS when they were just getting started, or anytime before HYYH, I probably wouldn’t have connected with their music, sound-wise or thematically. But… they were exactly what I needed when I did finally find them. And now I have immense appreciation for their beginnings and how far they’ve come, even loving some older songs/styles that I never expected to. As I mentioned, I don’t usually listen to pop or rap/hip-hop… like ever haha. But something about them just reached into my heart and I’ll be forever grateful to them.

I tried what you suggested (waiting on the page) and… the text kinda jumped at one point as though something else had loaded, but nothing else displayed. Am I derping around on the wrong page? \:

edit: I see it in the source code, idk why the toggle isn’t displaying for me 🙃

Yes! I am self learning. I have been doing it on and off for like two years, but the last part of last year I've been doing it most often. However with everything that's going on, it's kind of slowed down and I've just been focusing on what's going on in the world right now. I feel the same. I think if I would have found them before, I don't think I would have liked them as much as I do now. I do have an appreciation for their older music even if I don't listen it to it much. 1/3 -sparkle 💫✨

Their first two albums I didn't like as much, but everything from then on I'm pretty sure I am obsessed with when I found them out. Lol. I do remember you say that previously that you don't listen to a lot of that style of music. What do you normally like to listen to? I listen to a lot of everything, so I'm not sure if I have a genre that i really stick too. Although, I think in the beginning i listened to a lot of hiphop/rap and alternative stuff. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/3

Then the older i got the more I got into pop music because I found kpop when I was about 17, and it's been stuck to me ever since. Lol. So I don't know I like a lot of music that makes me feel good and I can dance too or sing along with. I think maybe it depends on my mood. Lol . -sparkle 💫✨3/3

I think that’s awesome that you’re working on learning the language on your own! And I understand the challenges of keeping it up independently, especially in such strange and challenging times... I feel guilty that I stopped my daily kanji studying pretty much as soon as I started working from home. It was initially because I used my commute time to study (I’m in a vanpool) and... definitely lost some motivation once everything started changing. I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself though for taking a break, and I hope you are not either. I’m hoping to get back into soon and reform some study time habits :)

Yeah it sounds like you’ve been listening to Kpop for a long time! ^^ Aside from my fairly recent BTS obsession, I gravitate toward moodier music in general haha. Evanescence was my instant favorite way back in middle school and... tbh I still listen to their albums sometimes! I tended to like anything indie-ish with piano or rock + orchestra. I loved this European band Within Temptation, their music is like a blend of rock and symphonic orchestra. Nowadays, I love video game music and that’s probably what I listen to the most... Nobuo Uematsu (Final Fantasyyy), who is probably one of my biggest inspirations for pursuing composition, Austin Wintory (Journey, Abzu, etc), and more recently Jessica Curry (everything the Chinese Room studio made lol). The past few days I’ve been streaming the songs from Death Stranding. I admit I don’t tend to have a lot of variety... I’m kind of picky and when I find something I love, I will listen to that obsessively over and over for months on end. Like BTS. xD No regrets haha! But I know I should broaden my horizons too...

I'm trying not to be so hard on myself, but I know I'll get back into it soon as I set a schedule for myself. Evanescence is amazing, that's all I got to say. I love them so much, so I totally get it. That's interesting though. I love learning about others music interest. It's always so different and diverse from mine. And also, I realized I didn't answer your question about the dash, and for some reason I don't know why it's not showing up. You were in the right place though. -sparkle 💫✨

Yayy glad you like Evanescence! Yes it is amazing and also wonderful that we all have unique tastes. I know I should make a better effort to try out new things, because finding something new that I connect with is amazing (see: BTS hehe).

I'm so excited to meet you next week!! Please take care and enjoy the rest of your weekend 💗

Sometimes it’s harder to really step out the box. So I totally understand, but I’ve always kind of had “weird” taste in different music so I like listening to whatever it is I like! And yes! I can’t to show you what I’m working on. I’m still searching for things for it! Lol. So I hope you like it. Also I hope you have an amazing week! And also a good day! -sparkle ✨💫

I woke up way earlier than planned thanks to this new isolation insomnia, but I was so happy to see your message. 💜 I’m so excited to meet you, but don’t feel like you have to rush on the gift! I know whatever you make will be wonderful. I hope you have a great week too. Do you have any ~weird~ music suggestions? I’ll give them a try!

I totally understand how that is. I hate waking up earlier than I want too because then you don't want to get up out of bed, but then you're too awake to go back to sleep. At least that's how i feel. Hmmm, weird music suggestions? I'm not entire sure. I like Florence and the Machine, FK Twigs (this might be an acquired taste), Panic at the Disco. There's so much I listen too, and my mind is going blank. Lol. -sparkle ✨💫

Yeah, that was my feeling exactly. :( At least I put in a couple extra hours of work, so I’ll get to take a shorter Friday. Or whichever day we try to brave a grocery run.

Thank you, I will check them out! Hehe due to your comment, I am intrigued by FK Twigs. For some reason I couldn’t really get into Panic at the Disco in high school, even though I had friends who loved them, but... I do appreciate that someone made an Emote! at the Location bot on twitter. xD

I hope you are having a good week so far! Tbh mine has been a little gloomy, but... I am really looking forward to meeting you! And finding out if my guess is right haha :’)) Take care dear!

And I loved Panic! They were so good, I still love them or Brendon Urie. Lol. FK Twigs is really good, but I know she's not for everyone. I really enjoy her music honestly. And honestly, I'm just about finished with your gif set. I have to find a few more videos and I'll post it probably tomorrow or later tonight depending on when I finish. And hmm, I don't know I don't think it is, but it shouldn't be long though. however, I'm really curious to know who you think I am. -sparkle ✨💫

EEek I’m so excited!! (Please don’t stay up late just for me though!)

As much as I am terrible at branching out, I do enjoy finding new music I like, so thank you again for the suggestions! I will try to listen with open ears and mind haha. Have you heard of Fleurie? I stumbled across her music when an artist I followed made a piece inspired by some of her lyrics. She might be quite a bit different than the artists you recommended though.

I’m going to feel a little silly if I’m wrong, but I’ll tell you after the reveal so I don’t make a fool of myself early. xD Can I ask you one question – do you know your Myer-Briggs type?

I'll probably go to bed soon. I'm actually in bed. I just got stuck on the tiktok app, and I really shouldn't. I've never heard of her, but I'll have to check her out tomorrow and see what she's about. And yes! I do know my Myers-Briggs type! -sparkle ✨💫

Oops you fell down the internet rabbit hole before bed :) Hope you didn’t stay up too late and got enough rest!

Love and War is the first song I found by Fleurie, and it’s also the title of one of her albums. It’s a little bit older but probably my favorite overall! I love the song Hurts Like Hell. It’s devastating but beautiful.

Have a great day, hope to talk to you more soon! 💜

p.s. I’m INFJ ✨

I did fall down the rabbit hole of the internet. It always happens. Also you should check out Kerli! she's really interesting, and I really like her music. Her music videos are also really nice. Intriguing at most. Lol. And I'm infj too! -sparkle ✨💫

I know the reveal has been made, but I didn’t want to leave this sitting all alone in my inbox.

Thank you, Ash, for taking the time not only to make me a beautiful gift but to talk with me this past month. Thank you for being a light and comfort in these uncertain times. I will miss your little surprise messages, but I hope we keep in touch. Now I will go back to liking your wonderful posts (because I confess I held back once I started to guess who you were, I didn’t want you to be suspicious either HAH). I’ve said it a lot but I really hope you stay safe, healthy, and happy!!  💗✨💫💗

#network events #secret bunny exchange #asks #sparkle #yoonqiful #this really made my march better :')

[prorevenge]

Someone kept stealing money from HS gym lockers during gym class.

TL;DR at bottom.

Senior year I went to a small high school, very low budget, country/white trash but not inner city. Played football my entire HS career, we had gym class all 4 years, every day, pretty fun. I'm sure your gym was the same but basically ours was a basketball court with bleachers on each side and Male/Female lockers on opposite sides of the court as well. There was one entrance for each locker room on the outside of the school(locked usually), and 2 per locker room entrances visible from the gym court/inside.

We come from a pretty honest area and not very affluent so when we get changed from school clothes to gym clothes, we usually just throw our school stuff in a locker and close it(these lockers require you to bring your own lock) but of course no one but a few kids bring locks. We also have our own locker room for the football players that I do put a lock on(football gear is fucking expensive).

So one day we go out to play some field game like dodgeball, spend 45 mins in the field, head back in and get changed for the rest of the school day. Suddenly someone flips out and yells "WTF! Someone stole my 10$ outta my wallet for lunch!". We all chalk it up to just some scumbag who came in while we were outside, opened his unlocked locker and took it. Sucks but hey, lock your shit i guess is the lesson.

This is where is gets interesting. Every day or two, almost every gym period, people start realizing more and more of them were being robbed, some kids losing lunch money, pocket change, just some extra cash they had, etc.. started to get so bad and so many theft reports, that the teachers kept the locker rooms locked while we weren't using them, but again low budget, sometimes the doors dont get locked due to negligence.

I started to take my football locker lock and use it on my gym locker during the day and then put it back on my football locker for after school practices(football locker rooms were always locked during the day). One day I forget to bring my gym lock and put it on my football lock. I got 20$ in my wallet for gas from my mom that morning, ran late, planned to fill up after practice. Well I come back from practice to find my shit in my locker was all tossed and turned, and i'm missing my 20$. At this point its almost a joke in the school that everyones getting money stolen without a lock on their locker, if someone notices they got stolen from everyone just laughs and shrugs it off. I get PISSED. "No one steals from me, fuck this!" especially from the football locker room. Next day I go to the school officer, report the theft, nothing. Says "sorry we can't look at the cameras, there's none facing any locker entrances". K cool.

Couple days later I do the same stupid mistake because I never learn apparently. Get another 20$ and some spare change stolen from my pockets in the locker. Immediately notice it, sprint to the school officer in my socks and say "someone JUST stole from the locker room, pull cameras and see if anyone went towards that area in the past 45 minutes! (Hallways are usually empty during class time, anyone walking towards the gym would stick out like a sore thumb). Same run around, just report and take it. Fed up I go vigilante.

This may have been illegal but fuck this guy stealing everyones stuff. I set up a camera in the locker (camera lens pointing through a hole), waited until everyone left the room, hit record, locked the locker and went to gym. Sure enough someone had their money stolen and my face lit up with joy. I caught this mother fucker and he was gonna get the worst serving of justice.

Look on the camera with some friends and my jaw fucking drops. There on video is the VICE PRINCIPAL opening someones locker, grabbing their jeans and shaking them out. Coins falling, he picks them all up, takes money out of their wallet, and throws all the stuff back in the locker hastily. He repeats this on another 3 lockers until he leaves, all completely visible (even does a close up, face flashing across the locker I had the camera in).

Turn this video into one of my old freshman football coaches that i trusted really well and told him I wanna be anonymous. This is now way over my capabilities, I thought it was just some kid, id give the tape to the officer and boom, hed get caught and punished. No, it had to be the 2nd highest guy in power at the school, i mean fuck the officer could of been in on it, had to give it to someone I trusted.

Coach forwarded it to the school board, superintendent, etc... next day that vice principal doesn't show up. Then he stops showing up for 2 weeks, kids start to notice. An announcement goes out that he was removed from his position and no longer was staff member at the school. No reports of thefts in the past 2 weeks. Students start putting the logic together. Police report comes out that he has been arrested for theft, school goes bananas. Kids start making "Free Mr. Vice principal" shirts as a joke. Word also gets out that I was the one that got him caught (2 friends watched the video with me I guess couldnt keep their mouths shut). Becomes a huge joke in the school and I'm looked at as a hero. School officer even calls me in one day to say "I'm glad you did that, I can't legally tell someone to do that, but we were hoping someone would eventually, you won't be punished at all for the filming, thank you."

Later find out that he had a huge pain killer problem and couldnt afford the dealers costs on his 150k/year salary. He resorted to stealing money from high schoolers, some not being able to eat lunch that day, fill up their cars with gas, etc... Kicker is that he still sent me restitution checks for a couple dozen cents for a few years, required by the courts until he pays my 40$ off he stole. Just a great reminder of his fuck up, every month he gets 46 cents taken out of his account, has to sign the check and send it, knowing I'm the guy who got him caught and fired. Fuck that guy, don't steal from kids.

TL;DR - Thefts in high school locker rooms for a few weeks, finally rob me, get fed up, illegally record the room, find out its the vice principal with a drug problem. He gets fired and arrested. Don't steal from me.

(source) (story by Notaferrisbuelerfan)

#prorevenge #by Notaferrisbuelerfan #pro revenge #pro revenge stories #revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story #last10

[jessicasland]

The One That Fits Right In Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Rocky Beginnings Reagan stared at the large white school building in front of her. It was her first day at the public high school and since she moved with her family, she already felt nervous. Reagan’s face went pale, she felt like she was going to be sick, there were butterflies in her stomach. It was big, bigger than the palace she used to live in back in Southern France. Was she really going to go in there? Well, she had no other choice. She took a big deep breath and walked up the stairs to the main hall. Reagan look at all the students bustling, talking, and laughing in the hallways. It was completely crowded! She couldn’t even walk without being squished in between one or two of the students. She checked her schedule. The first thing she needed to do was find her locker. It was locker 239. Reagan adjusted her glasses once she managed to get out of the tsunami of students to find her locker. There were endless rows of tall dark green lockers. But which one was her’s? As she passed by the students, she always remembered to say her “excuse me’s” or “pardon me’s” when she was trying to get through, and remembered to say her “sorry’s” when she accidentally bumped into people. Reagan was about to check the next row of lockers to find hers until- BUMP! The next thing Reagan knew, she was on the ground. Her backpack, books, and lunchbox were scattered on the ground. In front of her was another girl. She had short brown hair and sap colored eyes. Her skin was the color of a what someone would look like if they had gotten a sun tan. She also wore very expensive clothing, tall high heal like boots, and had layers and layers of foundation and make up on her face. Reagan gasped and said, “Oh geez. I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.” She pulled the other girl into her feet and picked up all her books and makeup. “Here. These belong to you don’t they?” “Don’t you dare touch those!” said the girl, snatching the belongings out of Reagan’s hands. “Don’t you know how much money all this makeup costs?!” “...No.” Regan replied. “I-I don’t think we’ve officially met before during the orientation. I’m Reagan!” Reagan smiled and held out her hand for the other girl to shake. The girl looked at Reagan and looked at her hand and sneered in disgust. Using a pencil, the girl moved Reagan’s hand away, “Oh yes. The new girl from, what was i? Larodon? Southern France?” “That’s right! Future Heir to the throne to!” replied Reagan. “So, what’s your name?” The girl scoffed and replied, “You don’t know who I am?” Reagan said, “No not really. That’s what I was trying to ask you.” “My name is Harper. Harper Jane Cadigan Scott.” said the girl. “And these four girls make up my group. The one with the black hair is Marissa, the one with the gross looking flying pig thing on her shirt is Elle, the one who’s the brace face is Lorraine,” Reagan mouthed to Lorraine, “You’re braces look nice.” and Loraine mouthed back “Thanks.” Harper continued, “and the one in the yellow which is a really disgusting color BTW, is known as Krystal.” Reagan stared at them before saying, “Nice to meet ya.” “So, now that you know this little group here, get outta my way.” said Harper, turning up her nose. “What are you even doing anyway?” “Oh, um. I’m looking for my locker.” said Reagan, showing Harper her schedule. “It’s locker 239.” “What?! You can’t have that locker!” said Harper. “Why not? The school staff gave it to me so that means it’s mine for this year.” said Reagan. “But that’s my locker!” said Harper. “Everyone knows that locker 239 is the biggest locker in the school! Well, everyone except you Four Eyes.” “I know. That’s why they gave it to me.” said Reagan. Harper growled and was ready to strangle Reagan but Marissa stopped her and said, “Harper. We gotta go. Besides, I heard Kaiden was in our economics class.” Harper gasped in delight, “Why didn’t you say so?! Let’s go!” The other girls followed Harper down the hall, except for Loraine, who stayed behind to help Reagan find her locker and just like Harper had said, locker 239 was the biggest locker in the entire school. Reagan waisted no time to get started organizing her brand new locker. “Shame.” Reagan said to herself. “This locker looks so dull. It would be nice to spice it up a bit.” Then, Reagan had a wonderful, spectacular idea! Tomorrow before school started, she would bring in the beautiful acrylic paints that she had gotten for her birthday back in the summer and paint her locker till her her hearts desire. Reagan checked her schedule as she finished placing the new lock on the front. Reagan’s Schedule - A Day: Mon, Wed, Fri 1st Period-Art 3rd Period-US History 5th Period-Biology 7th Period-Office Aid B Day: Tues, Thurs 2nd Period-Spanish 1 4th Period-Culinary Arts 6th Period-English 2 8th Period-Algebra 2 Lunch: First Lunch Reagan was happy when she saw her first class. Art was one of her favorite things to do! She would spend hours a day just drawing and doodling in her sketchbook. It even helped her when she was stressed or upset. So this class would really help improve her art a bit more, especially when it came to drawing hands. History. Oh brother. History was super long and super boring and History wasn’t one of her strengths. Biology. Mmm, not so bad. But then Reagan remembered she didn’t really like it as much when she was homeschooled because she never got to do any labs at all. Office Aid? What was that? Spanish. Perfect! She more or less knew some words in Spanish thanks to homeschool. And one of her aunts spoke Spanish to so this would help expand her vocabulary. Culinary Arts? Wow! She loved to help the family’s personal chef in the kitchen back home and bake things on her own from time to time to! She could learn to cook and expand from making a simple PB and J sandwich. English. Interesting. Would she be learning the language English? Algebra. It was neither her weakness or her strength. But she was well advanced in math seeing how good at it she was. Reagan checked the time on her watch. 7:55AM “Uh oh.” thought Reagan, “I should already be at art class!” She didn’t wanna miss her first real class. She stuffed her schedule in her pocket, picked up her art supplies and sketchbook, and dashed down the hall to the art room. The minute Reagan stepped foot into the room, she was already greeted with large tables, pictures and paintings from years past, easels, light tables, tables with five chairs for five students to sit at, and a closet filled with tons of art supplies. But the professor was missing. Where was she...or he? Reagan dropped her things at the nearest table and walked around the room while the students chatted amongst themselves. She looked around the large room but then stopped at the closet. She saw a short figure who looked shorter than her, fumbling about where the paints were. Reagan asked in a shy tone, “U-Uh. E-Excuse me? I-I don’t mean to be a bother b-but uh. Where did the professor run off to?” The women bumped her head before turning to Reagan. She looked and dressed like a gypsy women. Beads and all. Reagan’s eyes widened as she saw her. The women hopped down from the ladder and walked up to Reagan. “You’re lookin’ right at her.” she replied. She had a thick Russian accent. “Oh. It’s uh, nice to meet you.” said Reagan. “I-I’m-“ “New student. I know.” she replied. “Davay! Davay! out out out!” She pushed Reagan out of the closet and said, “Take your seat. I don’t have all day.” Reagan said nothing and took her seat. This art professor seemed pretty rude. The women clapped her hands to get the students attention. “Dobroye UUUUtro class.” said the lady, holding the U. “Dobroye Utro Ms. Preobrazhensky.” said the rest of the class. “Welcome welcome! I would love to welcome you all to my Art class.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Now, vhile I take the roll. I would like you to complete your first sketchbook assignment. Vou must draw your name and draw all de things you kiddies like. Uh, for instance uh de Fortnite game or de annoying song vith the colorful sharks or vhat ever you kiddies like now a-days. Da! Begin.” Regan opened her big, black sketchbook and got to work. She wrote her name in big bubbly letters and colored it red. Then she got to work on surrounding her name with many things she liked like. Her drawing consisted of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a lamb, a paint pallet with a paintbrush, a drawing of Iron Man, the symbol for Taurus, a stack of comic books, a steam engine train, Patch from 101 Dalmatians, and some puzzle pieces representing the fact that she has Autism. She didn’t notice that any time passed by until Ms. Preobrazhensky shouted, “Gold Girl!” Reagan jumped in her seat in surprise. Most kids snickered at her. “Come on, let me see your vork.” she barked. Reagan showed Ms. Preobrazhensky her sketchbook. Ms. Preobrazhensky stared at it for a while before she took it to her desk. Reagan sat in her seat for the longest time while the gypsy looking art teacher was staring at her sketchbook. She felt nervous and started twirling a loose strand of her hair (which she often does when she’s nervous). “REAGAN!” Ms. Preobrazhensky screeched. Regan’s eyes widened as the teacher called her. She stood up and walked to the desk. “Niet! Niet! In my office.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, pointing a long bony finger to a small office. Reagan gulped and stepped into her office. Was she going to get in trouble on her very first day? Ms. Preobrazhensky closed the door and started.....hugging Reagan. Reagan was confused. “Vou brilliant child! Look at this!” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, showing her the assignment. “I had no idea you’s could draw so well! How long have you’s been drawing?” “..Since I was 3.” said Reagan, still twirling her hair. “I’ve never seen dis type of talent in my class before.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “My dear! There is not much I can teach you! You have very good talent!” “Really?” asked Reagan excitedly. “...but I wish I could draw hands better. My hands look like potatoes.” “Tell you what.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “How about I gives you some pointers on how to draw hands. During the lunch break. You’s can have your lunch here and then we can start.” “You mean it?” asked Reagan with a gleam in her eyes. “Of course of course!” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “After all, talent like this does not show up everyday. Although. I am curious about de puzzle pieces you drew here. Wvat do they mean?” Reagan fumbled with her words. If she told the teacher, let alone the whole school that she had Aspergers, she’d be the laughing stock of the entire 10th grade! “U-Uh....I-I love to do puzzles.” Reagan lied. “Ahh.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, “interesting hobby for a girl your age.” “Uh yep.” said Reagan with a nervous laugh. Ms. Preobrazhensky handed back her sketchbook. “So, I wvill see you during lunch on Wednesday?” asked Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Sure!” said Reagan, “Thank you. Thank you Ms. Preoba...uh, can I call you Ms. P?” “Of course you may.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Cool. Thank you Ms. P!” said Reagan as she walked back to her seat. She sighed with relief. .... The rest of the morning went by in a blur and before Reagan knew it, it was lunchtime. She took her orange metal lunchbox and headed for the cafeteria. Reagan walked slowly as she tried to find a seat but most of the students already called dibs on each table. Then, Reagan saw Harper and her group of friends (minus Loraine) sitting at half-empty table eating and gossiping. “Harper!” said Reagan. “Harper! It’s Reagan from this morning!” Harper stopped her, “Hold it Four Eyes!” Reagan stopped dead in her tracks. “This table is for popular girls only.” said Harper. “Yeah, we don’t take in newbies!” added Marissa. “B-But I don’t have anywhere else to sit.” said Reagan. “Tough!” said Krystal. “Let me show you where the newbies sit.” said Harper. She lead Reagan to the garbage cans in the corner of the cafeteria. “B-But that’s the garbage can.” Reagan said. “Exactly. That’s where all the newbies go. Because every single newbie that comes to this school is nothing but a lowlife piece of trash!” explained Harper. “Ask the freshmen! Trust me, this seating arrangement is WAY up you’re alley.” With that, Harper walked away, leaving Reagan alone. Well, Reagan had no other choice. She sat on the floor and ate her lunch. It was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some apple slices, a little white milk carton, some celery sticks, and a chocolate chip cookie. Loraine noticed that Reagan was sitting on the floor by herself. “You got sent to the trash to?” she asked. “Yep.” said Reagan, not paying attention. “I know how that feels.” Loraine replied. “I got sent here to. But you wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t sit with you.” Loraine sat next to Reagan. “S-So. You’re Reagan?” asked Loraine. “Uh-huh.” Reagan replied. “And you’re........Marissa?” “Close. It’s Loraine.” said Loraine. “Ohhh! Brace Face!” said Reagan. Loraine stared at her and started to eat her food. Reagan realized that she wasn’t supposed to say that. “Oh geez. U-Uh, Loraine I didn’t mean to uh-“ “No, it’s Ok. I get that a lot. Even Harper calls me Brace Face.” said Loraine reassuring her. “Then, if Harpers your friend, why does she cal you brace face?” asked Reagan. Loraine looked at Harper and then back at Reagan. “Harper’s cool and all but she’s...she’s a real jerk sometimes.” replied Loraine, “and besides, she’s never complimented on my braces before. I just got them a week ago and they hurt like crazy.” “Oh, here.” said Reagan handing her an Advil cup. “Take an Advil pill, it will help with the pain.” Loraine took a tablet and swallowed it with some milk to wash it down before handing back the Advil cup back to Reagan. “Thank you.” said Loraine. “Hey, since we’re here, wanna tell secrets? If that’s what you royalty folks like doing.” “Sure!” said Reagan. “Uh, you go first.” “OK.” said Loraine. She whispered, “I have had this weird habit of biting my nails. I still have it and nobody else knows this.” “M-My turn.” said Reagan. “The thing is that I...I............IhaveAspergersSyndrome.” “What?” asked Loraine, “You we’re speaking to fast Reagan.” “Sorry.” she replied, “I…I have Asperger’s Syndrome…its a case of mild Autism. I’ve had it since I was two and it-it effects me socially and mentally. I have some weird obsessions. I still watch Blues Clues for pete’s sake and-“ “Reagan.” said Loraine, “I’ve heard enough. But why don’t you wanna tell anyone this information?” “I-I don’t wanna tell anyone because I-I didn’t wanna get bullied again.” said Reagan. Loraine held out her pinky and said, “I won’t tell a soul that you have Autism. It’s a promise. A pinky promise.” Reagan looked at her pinky and joined hers in with Loraine’s. “Thank you.” said Reagan as she hugged Loraine. Loraine was shocked but hugged her back.

[aspire-to-the-light]

Assorted New Year’s Rituals

I love hearing about other people’s New Year traditions, but this year I spoke to a few people who thought New Year’s was hollow and unimportant because they didn’t really have any traditions, so I thought I’d share mine. I’ve got a few different things I try to do every New Year, so I’ll run through them in no particular order. (If you already have meaningful New Year rituals you probably won’t get much out of this.)

I believe in New Year, so it makes it true. 

New Year is a really incredibly meaningful holiday for me. It’s my favourite of the entire year. I think it’s one of those things that gets stronger the more you believe in it. You see, a new year is a new you. You can give up your bad habits, forgive yourself for all your sins, change who you are, make new friends, start new projects and allow yourself to give up old ones that hit dead ends. If you’re trapped in a negative feedback loop, it’s a reset point.

In December I struggled to get out of bed, missed important deadlines, got depressed about the fact I’d missed important deadlines, played video games a lot to escape, ignored all my friends, got depressed about having no friends, fucked up my sleep schedule, and got so badly in the habit of doing nothing that it became impossible and scary to just start doing things. Then I spent New Year’s Eve with friends and since then I’ve been bashing down tasks in quick succession. Sure, the person I was last year was a terrible idiot who shouldn’t even try to do anything because it would surely fail and it was easier to lie in bed and/or play video games, but now I’m a new person and I can achieve anything. Even grocery shopping!

Believing in New Year means a lot of vague hazy things, like spending December 31st reminiscing about how the last year went and sort of breathing in the giddy feeling of it being the last time you’ll do certain things in 2018, then counting down with a rising excitement that bubbles in your chest and feeling reborn when the clock chimes.

Some basics

I like to make some kind of fancy dinner on New Year’s Eve. It’s the last meal of the year, so it’s nice if it’s a good one. I also watch a movie, not for any particular reason, I just always do it so it’s become meaningful by sheer virtue of the fact that I always do it.

I hear that in some parts of Britain, steak pie is a New Year’s Day tradition. I would like to try making one next year. 

I watch the countdown on the BBC. I dislike the fact that my computer clock and my phone clock and my physical clock might disagree on exactly when the moment of midnight is; it brings some uncertainty to an otherwise extremely special moment. When I watch it on the television, I’m reasonably certain that at least the moment I’m celebrating is the same moment as millions of other people. Also, the fireworks are often cool.

I fricking love Auld Lang Syne, which apparently isn’t a tradition everywhere but certainly is in Britain.

This year I was also introduced to ABBA’s Happy New Year. I am not a massive fan, but I’m low on New Year songs so I’ll take it. I would love more New Year songs! Please send me them!

A long shower, literally washing the year off you, can be pretty nice.

Declutter. Spring clean. Literally throw last year’s shit out. But do it on New Year’s Eve; some folklore says that on New Year’s Day you should only bring new things in to your house, to bring in prosperity. I’m not superstitious at all, but I like following all these little rituals just to help convince my brain that something important is happening.

Focus on January 1st on doing good things. For me it represents how the whole year is going to go; if I get it off to a great start by having a productive, focused January 1st where I’m kind to others and work hard, then I’m going to have a good year.

Something else which I’m going to incorporate next year is a little ritual to physically represent the thing I always do, of trying to leave bad and unhelpful thoughts in the past year. I might just write them all down and then burn them or shred them.

If you’ve got new habits you want to start, even if it’s something as simple as “drink a glass of water when I get up in the morning” or “go for a walk every day”, it’s important to do them on New Year’s Day, if you’re anything like me. If you’re all “oh I’m hungover from New Year’s Eve, I’ll start them on January 2nd” you will probably not. I find that it gives me a real sense of possibility and fresh-startyness to set things up on New Year’s Eve - glass of water by my bedside, or exercise clothes by my door - and then go through on New Year’s Day and do the things I intend to keep doing.

Looking back

Most years I try to keep some kind of record of what I’m doing as I go - I usually keep a diary or calendar, this year I had a Filofax, a few years ago I even had a Year Jar - and on New Year’s Eve I’ll go through it.

I have a tendency to feel pretty insecure about my achievements, especially when I don’t have other people around me who respect me for them and will remind me that I’m good at things. I often feel on New Year’s Eve like I’ve just had an utterly terrible year in which I did nothing, because the periods in which I was busy having ADHD and playing video games all day become more salient than the things I did well. It’s really nice to go through my diary or other records and have a reminder of all the things I actually did in that year. Something like a Year Jar is especially good for that because I write down all the little meaningful things that are otherwise easy to forget - times I helped out a friend, or made a really delicious meal, or just had a lovely day playing guitar in a park in the sunshine.

It’s also nice to be able to look back at a longer period of time, and see the structure that I couldn’t see at the time. I usually think about my day-to-day tasks, and I don’t have time to sit back and see the overall story of my life. Looking back over my whole year lets me pick out the highlights and lowlights and milestones and progress markers that are meaningful, and construct a sense of what that year meant to me.

In many cases I’ll have a splintered record because I stopped keeping up with my diary at one point, kept switching my calendar app, or was writing in a different notebook when I was in another country. In those cases it’s kind of nice to piece everything together in one place, and maybe colour-code it all up prettily.

I actually really recommend the Year Jar (a jar which you keep all year, and whenever something good or meaningful happens, you write it down and fold up the paper and drop it in the jar). Unlike a diary, you won’t notice or feel bad when you leave ‘gaps’ in it. You don’t have to be committed to it, just remember about it often enough to fill it up. Unlike a calendar, you can also keep an element of secretly-giving-presents-to-yourself about it; get one with a slot lid, so you can easily put paper in but not take it out, and don’t let yourself open it until a certain hour on New Year’s Eve.

Resolutions

I don’t need to say much about these, because everyone does them and you can look at five hundred other blog posts about how to make them well.

I’ll say that the more you believe in New Year, the more they work.

I’ll also say one piece of advice on the basis that I haven’t heard it anywhere else. I actually hear quite a lot of people recommending that you make New Year’s resolutions public and ask people to hold you to them. I prefer the opposite; keep them secret.

I don’t feel nearly as strongly about this as I do about keeping the letter to yourself secret, and I’ll discuss it more in that section, but essentially.... it may well be the case that you want to make incredibly “cheesy” or “cringey” New Year’s Resolutions, like “I will embody the spirit of <insert anime character who is deeply meaningful to you but everyone else will laugh at>”. You might want to make embarrassing resolutions like “I will stop <habit which you’d prefer not to admit you have>” or “I will give up <secret guilty addictive pleasure>”. Your resolution might be something like “I will stop letting certain people push my boundaries”, which certain people might take offence to. You may want to just promise yourself to be good in whatever language means something to you.

Either way, if you tell yourself from the start that they’re going to be secret, I find personally that it’s easier for my brain to suggest resolutions that otherwise I’d shy away from as cringey, cheesy, uncool, embarrassing, cliche, etc.

I usually calligraphy them in a nice notebook or on a sheet of paper, somewhere I’ll keep looking at it but won’t be too public.

Company

New Year’s is one of the few holidays I really don’t mind spending by myself. New Year’s is thoughtful. It’s about contemplating what you’ve done and achieved and failed at throughout the year, what you’d like to change, what you’re determined to do next year, and who you’d like to be when you’re a new-year-new-you.

For me, at least, it’s for quietly reading and writing. I read my diary back over, I write my letter, I make resolutions and carefully note them down.

Parties are fine if that’s what you’re into. New Year the way I do it is okay with parties, too, but the right sort of party - people who are willing to either leave you alone to be contemplative at certain points, or who want to all be contemplative and do the rituals together.

It doesn’t really work as a structured holiday. You can’t get everyone together and say “We’ll have cake at 10pm, all read our letters at 11, drink champagne at midnight, party for a few hours and begin writing resolutions at 3am ready for publication at 5am”. A lot of the New Year’s things, for me, are emotionally intense and I need to take them at my own pace. I’ll open my letter and/or Year Jar when I’m damn well ready to.

It would be a really nice thing to celebrate with other people, if they wanted to do my kind of New Year together, but it’d be less like a party and more like... a meditation retreat with more champagne and cheering than usual.

If you want to celebrate with other people, but don’t have people who want to do contemplative New Year with you, I recommend attending a party but ensuring it has a quiet room that people can retreat to if they want to quietly consider their resolutions.

Letter to myself

A separate post, for length reasons.

[02m1lk]

180816 Sina Interview

2nd of August, on the day of cai xukun’s birthday, he released his first EP, and held a press conference for his new songs.

The 3 songs released so far in this EP, are all cai xukun’s original self composed works. The 3 ‘children’ he cherishes. On the dawn that they were finally going to be ‘born’, cai xukun woke up early; anxiously, excitedly and repeatedly thought over on how to properly express, how to introduce them to everyone.

If we looked at it objectively, that is the event of a highly popular idol. Yet when on site; the interactive game segments, ‘cheesy pick-up lines’ confession segments, the things that we have gotten used to and naturally assume will happen at an ‘idol’ event were all missing. The entire event, cai xukun played an MV of his song, detailedly talked about the composing and making of each song, showed the DJ skills that he had been practicing… nothing that didn’t revolve around music.

We’ve interacted with cai xukun a few times on different occasions. Like other male celebrities his age, he couldn’t help but exhibit a little playfulness, revealing the everyday behaviour of youths. Whenever we interact with cai xukun, he always seemed calm, reserved, and his topics always rounded back to ‘stage’, ‘works’. He is ‘single-minded’ (towards music), but for the us that wants to know more details about celebrities’ lives, this is inevitably a little boring. The ‘reservations’ that he has, sometimes gets teased by fans as being too ‘official’.

“Do you wish people will know less about your private life? That you only hope to share with them the you that is on stage?” After going through half of the interview, and having our questions constantly get ‘pushed away’, we directly asked about our doubts.

“I probably only know how to talk about these things (stage, music). Not to say that I don’t share more… perhaps it’s not in my personality (to do so).”

He says, “Only on stage can I be my true self”, and his music takes up a huge part of his life. You can say, the music tasks we’ve categorised as arduous jobs have become ingrained in cai xukun. When talking about music, from his point of view - he’s talking about himself.

As everyone knows, cai xukun’s journey in <Idol Producer> was victorious, shooting to fame through the programme. But his star journey prior to this was not smooth, having gone through a few years of difficulties. Although everyone shot to fame the same way through audition programmes; whilst among these fresh youths that are still following the arranged tight schedules, working hard to adjust to their daily bustle and the feelings of being a little ‘lost’, cai xukun is very certain of: “I have my own plans everyday, I am very sure of what I want.

Since the official debut from <IPD>, there has been a lot of discussions and debates about cai xukun and nine percent. Having no music productions after months of debuting, it has lead to criticisms such as “Only showing visuals, wasting their popularity”, “A year of being an idol was just a dream”; including cai xukun and a few other members having set up their own work studio, or members absent from group events, triggered guesses among netizens about the group’s development. As the member with the highest popularity at the centre position, cai xukun’s every movement is magnified and observed, all sorts of rumours lingering.

When it comes to the matters of work, he responds with confidence. Individual music productions? He’s had that long ago, but because of his concept to compile them into an album, he calmly waited, and continued polishing his works. Nine percent is but an empty shell? “The group has already finished recording two songs, I’ll personally watch over the production of this album”….

But towards other trivial matters, we asked if he was sensitive to all the external voices. He only calmly answers: “I focus on myself.”

“Then have you adjusted to the pace of the entertainment industry?”

“I have my own pace, I’m adjusted to my own pace.” Cai xukun corrected us.

Part 1.

“Being yourself? How would you define yourself?”

“Every song (of mine) is how I express myself.”

On the last day of nine percent’s fan meeting, all nine members played with cosplay. They had on exaggerated make up, and while dressed in all sorts of strange clothing, all of them danced to <Mack Daddy> in their cosplayed classic characters. It was a way of ‘letting themselves go’ to bid goodbye at the end of a journey (t/n: referring to the fan meetings), and it was also to bring a surprise to the fans.

At that fan meeting, the character cai xukun chose to cosplay was “V”, the main character of the movie <V for Vendetta>. He wore a small moustache, and when performing, he had fun with the other boys. At the end of the fan meet, cai xukun expressed his thoughts as the leader of the group: “Today all of us put effort into cosplaying, but from today onwards, we will only cosplay ourselves.”

“Then, how would you define your ‘true self’?” This interview, we tossed him a question.

“My dad’s surname is Cai, and my mom’s surname is Xu!” He caught us off guard with an unexpected answer. Seeing our awkward response, he cleared his throat, and said in a serious manner: “Actually I don’t know how to define myself. But as a singer, your works definitely speaks for you. Firstly I have to have my own style of music, so whenever I work on a song, I will add my own style into it. Every song has to be my own original composition. I feel that this is also a way of expressing myself.”

Sigh, we had wanted to use this opportunity to talk about his personality in his everyday life, yet this boy, again rounded the topic back to music. Whenever we hold an interview with cai xukun, it always feels like, other than talking about music and stage experiences; about other things - he always seems to use the shortest, most ‘surface’ answers to seal your attempts at digging deeper. At first, we weren’t used to it, and thought he was closing himself up on purpose. But after a few interactions, instead we felt something else. Perhaps from cai xukun’s point of view, he genuinely sees the him that is on stage, in music, as his ‘complete self’. Music has assimilated into every crack in his life. That is why he says, “I probably only know how to talk about these things (stage, music). They are an indispensable part of my life.”

To cai xukun, he isn’t too affected by the external world, no longer following the crowd. The moment he was certain about becoming his ‘true self’, had started from the moment he’d found his own style on stage. “From then on, I knew what I should do, what kind of person I wanted to become.”

The ‘moment he found his own style’, has to be backtracked to a few years ago, when he participated in <Super Idol>.

He started liking singing at the age of ten, having continuously participated in competitions since he was little. But it wasn’t until the first season of <Super Idol> in 2015, did cai xukun first receive a systemised training, and truly had contact with the ‘real’ stage. His first appearance (on stage), cai xukun would be nervous too. But he says, ever since he was young his character has been one of “As long as I’m doing something I like, I will persevere and focus on doing it well.” To capture the feeling of being on stage and completely freeing himself - other than completing the programme’s everyday arranged classes, cai xukun also came up with a small ‘trick’ that he uses even till today. “I will re-watch the performances. I will watch it over and over, and see where my problem is. eg. If I spot a detail where a dance move wasn’t fully stretched out, I must practice repeatedly to correct it.” The moment that let him feel he could truly become one with the stage, happened between season one and two of <SI>. During that schedule-free gap, under the arrangement of the programme, he started a phase of ‘trainee life’ overseas.

Previously during our interview, cai xukun revealed: “Actually after having experienced the first season of the show, I became very sure of which direction I should work hard towards, and also set my mind on using that period of time to change myself for the better. I hoped to show a completely different me in the second season.” After having gone through those days of training, when the filming for the second season came and cai xukun once again stood on stage, he could not contain his excitement: “I really felt that I’d changed a lot, and found the state of being my true self on stage.” And that moment made him decide, the cai xukun that can shine on stage, is the ‘self’ that he wants to become.

But life isn't always smooth sailing. A period of time after <SI>, cai xukun’s journey to be a star was not bright. Even later, he had little opportunities to showcase himself on stage. After filming his first drama, cai xukun set a motto for himself: “Keeping one’s heart grounded in a world of temptations.”

“At that time I started writing music; but back then it wasn’t like now, where many people will take interest in your works, so you have to be really focused about doing music. At the time there were also many voices of disagreement, telling me that there’s no need to be doing music right now. Many voices told me to take part in more film (related: tv/movies etc) work. I received a lot of advices like that back then…”

But the cai xukun that was firm about ‘only on stage can I be my true self’ wasn’t willing to just give up like that, and that’s how he wrote down “keeping one’s heart grounded in a world of temptations” to motivate himself.

(t/n: his motto 花花世界 静守己心 if literally translated for a better/deeper understanding:

花花世界: a dazzling/vain world; where people enjoy themselves with the pleasures and joys of the world.

静守己心: silently/calmly guarding your own heart.)

It was in that period of time, that cai xukun took his first step into composing, and wrote <I Wanna Get Love>. Looking back now, he is fortunate that the him back then hadn’t been ‘shaken’: “I’m very thankful for the choice I made, because it was after taking that first step and finding my own style in music, that I will have more things that will belong to myself in the days to come, this is something very important.”

Cai xukun is someone who, after being certain of ‘oneself’, will be firm on it. In April this year after <IPD> ended, cai xukun being the leader of the boys at the peak of their popularity, made a post on weibo, once again bringing up his motto. “I brought it up again, to warn myself, that I have to guard the initial passion that I had, to keep myself grounded in this world of temptations. I must have a calm, quiet state of mind, and do my job well.”

We have our doubts; when things are silent around him, ‘keeping your heart grounded’ is only natural to motivate, and strengthen your resolutions. But the cai xukun that has now shot to fame and is in a place full of temptations (for even higher fame/wealth), can he really keep his heart grounded?

“I feel that this album (《1》) should’ve proven myself.” cai xukun answered promptly, revealing a proud smile.

Part 2.

“Do you think you are someone who is able to be calm*?”

“I think I am someone who is sure of what I want.”

(*t/n: In this context it refers to a person who is able stay calm and collected when facing difficulties or hardships.)

Previously, we’ve interviewed many celebrities that had shot to fame. It was their first time learning the taste of fame. While embracing the phase of ‘victory’, at the same time many of them also felt lost, not knowing what they should do next. The sudden busy workload that piled didn’t give them time to think too much. For a long period of time they only digest their schedule, often not knowing where they are, what they are here to do.

No doubt that cai xukun too has many schedules, but he admits: “Every morning after I wake up, I’ll think clearly over the things I have to do today, the tasks I need to complete. I’ll set short-term goals for myself; eg. If I have to prepare for a performance within this 20 days, when should the whole music production process end? This type of goals are a must, then I’ll work hard step by step everyday.”

Something that left an impression, was a question raised by a media outlet at nine percent’s  beijing fan meeting group interview: “Now that you are all busy with schedules, do you still have time to practice?” At the time, nine percent was in their initial phase of being popular. The group had business events one after another, never-ending endorsements, weekly fan meetings, yet the rumoured ‘already recorded good music’ was nowhere to be seen. The doubts that the public had towards this new idol group were loud; debates over if the group had become one of prioritising gains (fame/wealth over music), sporting a lazy attitude, only drifting along day after day.

Right then cai xukun calmly answered: “On flights too we have our headphones on, and think over our choreography.” During the period of fan meeting tours, cai xukun will make use of the time between flights and travelling to work on composing. Like he says: “No matter how much work there is, I have my own plans, my own pace.”

The group were doubted for being too busy ‘making money’ to produce new works, and in this interview cai xukun reveals: “Actually I’d finished writing <It’s You> a month after debuting. I knew there were objections about me continuously having no works, but the reason that I hadn’t released them then was because I’d hoped to put them all at once into a more all-rounded, inclusive album. Because if today I release an individual song <Pull Up>, or only release <You Can Be My Girlfriend>, or <It’s You>, people will think, cai xukun only knows how to sing this type of song. But I hope my style is not confined, so when I released these 3 songs together I had this considered over. Also as these 3 songs have different styles, there will be different types of people liking them.”

Towards the doubts the public have about nine percent being an empty shell, including after cai xukun and a few members set up their personal work studio, there were voices criticising them for leaning towards ‘fighting individually’, guessing that the group will not release music productions anytime soon. In this interview cai xukun states: “Actually we’re also working on the group album. Including the choreographing process, I will also do my best to help each of our members, personally watch over the production of this album, and guarantee the quality of the whole album. The stage we will present at the end will definitely not let everyone down.”

“Do you think you are someone who is able to be calm?”

“I think I am someone who is sure of what I want.”

“Are you someone who will be sensitive towards the doubts from the public?”

“I think I am more focused.”

“Focused on your own matters?”

“Focused on my career.” Cai xukun corrects us.

Part 3.

“Have you adjusted to the pace of the entertainment industry?”

“I’m adjusted to my own pace.”

At nine percent’s last fan meeting, cai xukun cosplayed as “V”, the main character of the movie <V for Vendetta>. The reason for cosplaying as “V”, cai xukun explains: “In my heart he is someone with a lot of thoughts, and chases after perfection. I like this trait of his.”

“About doing music, cai xukun admits he is slightly more serious (t/n: To put it more crudely but for better understanding, the correct word is: anal. He’s anal about every detail of his music). Prior to the press conference of his new album, he had already revealed that when recording for his new songs, every breath, tone and expression in each sentence will be repeatedly made sure of, and in this interview he also reveals: “Usually when recording I’ll record two versions, each with different emotions, then select one to go with at the end.”

To allow the overall presentation of the production to achieve the standard of ‘perfection’ in his heart, cai xukun personally stepped in, and participated in the making of the MV: “<Pull Up> had an original version at the start, but it didn’t turn out the way I’d expected it to. Then I directly flew over, I said I wanted to edit it myself. I stayed up overnight at the last minute, including adding in the idea of an Intro at the start. In the original version, the music started right away. But I felt I had to give everyone a guide, like adding in a scene similar to that of a CCTV monitor, I feel that this will better attract people’s curiosity towards the song. The entire MV including the filming and editing, were my own ideas.”

The entertainment industry is that of a ‘fast-food’ scene. To newly debuted entertainers, they have to continuously appear (on screen) in a fast-paced manner to maintain their existence. Yet cai xukun is someone who perseveres with taking his time to work on his productions. About facing this complicated entertainment circle, we asked him: “Have you adjusted to the pace of the entertainment industry?”

“I have my own pace, I’m adjusted to my own pace. I have my own music that I make, things I do myself, including the pace of my job.” Cai xukun calmly answers.

Sina: It’s been four months since the competition has ended. How is your condition of life?

CXK: Actually my sleeping patterns are still as messy, but my initial heart (original intentions) is still there. My mentality hasn’t changed much.

Sina: Is everyday a really busy day?

CXK: Basically. I actually quite enjoy this fulfilling process.

Sina: Do you feel that you are being ‘pushed along’ by your daily schedules, or are you clear of the things you do everyday, and do them as planned?

CXK: There will definitely be busy times, but I still think you have to focus on the things you feel you have to do first. Also I am the type that will set goals for myself; eg. If I have to prepare for a performance within this 20 days, when should the whole music production process end? This type of goals are a must, then I’ll work hard step by step everyday.

Sina: On the last day of nine percent’s fan meeting, all of you wore the IPD uniforms. How did you feel wearing the same clothes you did during the competition, did you feel any changes in yourself?

CXK: Actually I was a little touched, like when dancing I actually had goosebumps. As I’m actually very thankful for this experience, it was a constant learning process. When you put on that uniform again, you will feel that you seem to be a little different, but actually, you’re still the same.”

Sina: Do you feel proud of yourself? When you first wore (the uniform) you were a ‘newbie’ unsure of your future, and now you’re a first place watched upon by many.

CXK: I think more of it is thankfulness and (feelings of) cherish.

Sina: During the cosplay, you played the character “V”, why did you choose this image?

CXK: Actually the feelings this character delivers, is that he is a person with a lot of thoughts, and is someone that chases after perfection. I like him also because I think he is someone I need to learn from.

Sina: So far which quality of yours do you admire yourself for?

CXK: Myself? I think an area that I do better at is (being able to) focus.

Sina: As an idol, do you wish people will know less about your private life? And only hope to share with them the you that is on stage?

CXK: Private life? I think after understanding my stage (performance), you should (be able to) understand the kind of person I am.

Sina: Just that you won’t share too much about your private life.

CXK: Not to say that I don’t share more, perhaps it’s not in my personality (to do so).

Sina: Other than your identities as a singer and the leader of nine percent, when else do you think you feel the most free, and childlike?

CXK: The most childlike, when I return home.

Sina: You’ll act cute?

CXK: No.

Sina: Then what kind of a state is it?

CXK: Just that when in front of my parents, in their eyes I am definitely always a child.

Sina: After your 3 songs were released online, did you read the comments about it?

CXK: I’ll read them carefully. Firstly I am very moved that my fans, they really put their heart into understanding my lyrics, the melody I wrote, including my fully self-composed song <It’s You>, they’ll really be curious about my song-writing experience… I feel that their accompaniment like this have given me a lot of support and motivation. Secondly, I also saw a lot of (comments from) ‘passer-bys’, they do think that my songs are nice, the response from the general public towards my music is of recognition. I feel that this, towards a person that makes original music is the biggest form of affirmation. As these works are just like my children, they are a part of my life, when my works receive recognition, I feel that there isn’t a moment where I’m even happier.

(t/n: Passer-bys: neutral netizens, that are not his fans/antis, just regular people who may not even know much about him. A common internet slang.)

Sina: Other than the fans, there are a lot of ‘passer-bys’ that will think all of you debuted from an audition programme on a surface level, and define you as ‘fresh meat’ idols.

CXK: I feel that you have to accept all sorts of voices, accept all the definitions, but I don’t have a defined image.

Sina: The general public look at ‘idols’ with filtered glasses. As you didn’t release music works before this, many people don’t look well upon you and nine percent. Under a situation like this do you feel anxious?

CXK: Actually I’d finished writing <It’s You> a month after debuting, although many people may have said, why does he not put out his works? But the reason that I hadn’t, was that I’d hoped to present the album in a more well-rounded, inclusive way.

Sina: Previously you mentioned that the EP will continue to expand with new works, when will those be released?

CXK: Around the end of month, it’d be released then.

Sina: Having set up your personal work studio, how would you balance your identity as nine percent’s leader?

CXK: Actually we’re also working on the group album. Including the choreographing process, I will also do my best to help each of our members, personally watch over the production of this album, and guarantee the quality of the whole album. The stage we will present at the end will definitely not let everyone down.

Sina: When will the group album be released?

CXK: It hasn’t been decided yet. But we’re all really working hard to prepare, and have already recorded two songs.

Sina: Any recent plans on your individual career?

CXK: I will continue to put out new works, and at the same time let everyone see my them in the form of stages (performances). And of course I’ll also try out variety shows. I’ll keep learning on many different aspects, and continue to improve my abilities.

Sina: About variety shows, which type do you think you are better at?

CXK: I’m better at the kinds involving food (laughs)!

Sina: Are you satisfied with your 20 year old self?

CXK: Firstly I feel that I’ve produced my own music works, it also holds the meaning of that I am able to continue to bring to everyone more of the music that belongs to me, this is my biggest gift for my 20 year old self.

Credits;

Text: Ran Photography: Wang Bo, Liu Jia Qi Article: https://bit.ly/2Mm4dis

Full Translations: @02m1lk Do NOT repost, please take out WITH credits.

#cai xukun #xukun #caixukun #180816 #interview #02m1lk #nine percent #ninepercent

[shadowsofthemoon]

An Open Letter To A High School Senior,

Today is the day. June 2nd. Graduation Day

Today, you wake up a little earlier - you stare at yourself in the mirror for a little longer, not thinking twice before you put your toothbrush back in the same spot on the counter that you do everyday, grabbing your keys off the table, and rushing out the door, only to make the first period literature class you can't help but dread by only a minute. But today is not everyday. Today is different.  

As you begin to prepare for your big day, your phone buzzes - messages from friends, all with your same feelings of astonishment and  wonder about the coming day light up the screen - “How did we get here?” How can we be graduating today?” But messages of wonder are soon replaced with those of elation and excitement - and so it won’t hit you yet.

Soon you’ll fly down the stairs and enter your kitchen for the last time as a high school student and your mom won’t be able to help herself from shedding a tear - wondering how her baby grew up so fast. She’ll take your picture and you’ll roll your eyes like you always do when she can’t figure out how to focus her fiver year old iphone. Your dad will make your favorite breakfast - an egg white omelet with bacon and mushrooms - and your little sister will pour the french vanilla coffee from the pot - as you hardly realize it could be one the last times you’ll have breakfast all together with your family. You’ll hurry them along as you hum with anticipation and impatience - excited to arrive at the ceremony that will mark the end of the only life you have known for the last eighteen years - but it still won’t hit you.

As you walk into your high school gymnasium - the same one you’ve walked into a thousand times before - whether for P.E., basketball games, pep rallies, or for your daily trip into only air conditioned part of your school - you’ll see the friendly (and some not-so-friendly) faces of the 400 people you have spent almost every waking moment with for the the last four years. Look around. This is the final time your whole class with be in the same room together - the last time you’ll ever see the boy that always seemed to know too much in chemistry or the girl that would never stop talking in physics. Look around again - take it all in - it won’t hit you yet that it will be the last time you can.  

Today will also be the last time you and your friends will see each other in your highschool setting. As you embrace the people that stood by your side everyday for the last four years, all the memories will come flooding back. You’ll remember almost everything - the little things like cramming for the psychology test none of you studied for until the period before or when you snuck out of school to take tips to dunkin donuts when you were supposed to be in biology. You’ll remember the big things too - your first heartbreak and the time your best friends dragged you out of the house with the promise of ice cream and revenge when the only thing you wanted to do was stay in bed and cry or the last night of the summer when you went to see your favorite band in concert and had the best night of your life. From the boy that was your best friend from the first day of freshman year to the girl you started talking to only a few months before today, one theme runs truet - these people, no matter how small the impact - truly changed your life.

Soon enough, the graduation ceremony will begin and before you know it, you’ll hear your name announced by the president of your school for the last time - and so you’ll take your final lap across the gymnasium floor, shake his hand, and receive your diploma, watching as one by one, all the people around you do the same. As the ceremony comes to a close and you tip your head to the sky, throwing your cap in the air, feelings of all different emotions will overtake your body - the most prominent being elation. This is your moment. You have made it. You have graduated. But at the same time, in the back of your mind, you can feel another emotion arising, but you do not want to feel this emotion right now, so you compress it, bury it - and so it still does not hit you.

As you exit the gym, diploma in one hand, flowers in the other, you will begin to understand - knowing that this is the final time you will make the lap across your school’s quad as you rush to take photos with your friends and throw your decorated caps in the air one last time. It might not feel like it right now - but today is truly different - and even though it may not seem like it - your life will never be the same as it is in this moment.

And so my advice to you - a now high school alumni, preparing for the newest chapter in your life -  is this:

Live in the moment. Challenge yourself. Enjoy the time you have left with the people that have made your last four years the greatest experience you could have imagined. Embrace your family - and don’t forget to thank them - they are the reason you are the successful person you are today. Take chances and welcome challenges with open arms. Greet your fears with courage. And never be afraid to take the extra shot.

Soak in every moment - you only have a few months left to make memories with your people. And finally, on the day you leave for college - as you walk out of the door of the house that has been your home for the last eighteen years and as you wave goodbye to the friends that have turned into family - it will finally hit you. You will realize that it is not the building of your former high school that you are going to miss, just like it is not your physical house that will be the burden of your sadness as you journey to your new home. Today none of that matters, because today the only thing you will think about and remember is the people that shaped your entire existence - that will be the reason that will make the closing of this chapter so difficult. And so a few months from now, when you’re living your new life, with your new friends, making new memories with new people - never forget your roots.

I hope you take advantage of every opportunity life affords you and make memories that will last a lifetime with people that mean the world to you.

Good luck class of 2018.

Highschool forever.

Much love,

Just another, nostalgic, high school senior

[your-dietician]

The NBA Play-in: The moments the young Memphis Grizzlies grew up

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/nba/the-nba-play-in-the-moments-the-young-memphis-grizzlies-grew-up/

The NBA Play-in: The moments the young Memphis Grizzlies grew up

The play-in games were a resounding success for the National Basketball Association. Obviously, single elimination games have this fascinating mystique around them. With it added into the NBA, and with fans entering the arenas again, it made these situations that much sweeter.

The play-in games were a resounding success for the Memphis Grizzlies as well. They had great tests in both games against teams with riches of playoff experience compared to this young squad. San Antonio had Gregg Popovich — arguably the most successful NBA coach of the 21st century — and a good blend of battle-tested veterans (DeMar DeRozan, Rudy Gay, Patty Mills, to name a few). After a strong win there, they had to enter the Chase Center to battle Steph Curry, Draymond Green, and the rest of the Warriors on the road.

It was no small task ahead, but the Memphis Grizzlies prevailed and grew immensely from it.

Now after a month since the play-in tournament was played, let’s take a look at the different themes from these two games that illustrated growth for the Grizzlies.

In both play-in games, the Memphis Grizzlies got off to such strong starts. It wasn’t uncharacteristic for them to do so, as they were 11th in first-quarter net rating (+2.6) and 5th in first-period defensive rating (108). Granted, rating rankings have a slim separation statistically. Nonetheless though, it suggests they’re a pretty good first quarter team.

However, for most young teams those first 12 minutes of playoff-intensity games can be nerve racking and could start slow starts. The Grizzlies’ strong starts demonstrated great poise for a young team, as they outscored their two opponents 68-48 in those minutes. They also amassed incredible runs in those stretches as well — including a 19-2 run against the Spurs, and a 14-3 one against the Warriors.

Starting with the home game, the Grizzlies utilized the meaning of home-court advantage — a beauty that we actually got to experience in this COVID-ravaged season.

Ja Morant pulled the offense out of the 4-on-4 fast break. Jonas Valanciunas runs the floor since DeMar DeRozan oddly enough didn’t already beat him down the floor. Since Jakob Poetl — the primary rim protector — was playing the potential screen from Jaren Jackson Jr., there was an opening for Valanciunas to rumble down the lane for a thunderous jam. That’s always something that’ll get the crowd going.

Then, there was the resounding fast-break jam from Dillon Brooks that was probably the staple of the Grizzlies 1st-quarter run.

It was the classic “turning defense into offense” — a sweet way to get the momentum rolling on your end and away from the opposition. Brooks corrals the steal, audaciously looks off Morant, and throws down a vicious tomahawk slam right over Dejounte Murray.

In that same quarter, we saw the flashes from Jaren Jackson Jr. that make him such a tantalizing offensive prospect.

This sequence illustrates the duo potential of Morant and Jackson. Morant is going to garner attention off of the drive, like most good finishers. Poetl tags Morant, while Lonnie Walker — his original man — goes over to help. Since Keldon Johnson has to play help to prevent the Valanciunas bucket, Jackson relocates to a window Ja could whip a pass through for the in-rhythm 3.

This recognition from Jackson was ridiculous. He curls so far out that he’s not even in the frame here. It has to be 30 feet out! Johnson is caught ball-watching here, while probably waiting for Anderson to make the pass over to Valanciunas in order to make a deflection.

Though that 1st quarter lead vanished and didn’t seem as impactful in the process, it helped the Grizzlies establish a tone to energize the crowd, while also get its other franchise cornerstone going early.

The Grizzlies continued their excellent 1st quarter starts on the road against Golden State. That one was extremely imperative, as road games against the Warriors can still be dangerous for slumps. They possess the greatest scorer of all time in Steph Curry, and it seems like an avalanche whenever he’s humming.

However, the Grizzlies did an excellent job staying composed, setting the tone, and establishing an aggressive mindset. When it comes to those 3 things, this play pops to mind:

Dillon Brooks sent a message here that the Grizzlies were going to swarm defensively, and they were going to win every 50-50 ball. Again, turning defense into offense is a great way to find your footing early in high-stakes games.

With that in mind, this is probably the sequence most Grizzlies fans would appreciate the most:

Limited sample size, but Jaren Jackson Jr. nearly doubled his offensive rebound percentage from last season to this one (3.6 to 6.9). Though caught near the perimeter, Jackson chases the long rebound — probably gets away with a little bit of an “over the back” call — and gets reward with a trip to the line following an aggressive take to the basket.

Moving over to the offensive end, Ja Morant got going from deep en route to a career night from downtown.

Curry or Kevon Looney did not pay a single bit of respect to Morant on this jumper. Curry decided to go under the Valanciunas screen, while Looney stayed in drop coverage to play the roll. It allowed Morant to step into a 3 in rhythm to knock down his 2nd triple of the game, instilling more confidence in his outside game.

Young squads could get rattled early in playoff situations, especially when it’s unfamiliar to them. We even saw it a bit from the Grizzlies in the Utah series. Their composure and poise in the play-in games demonstrated maturity and growth from the young Memphis team.

Scott Strazzante/San Francisco Chronicle via Getty Images

How the Grizzlies defended their opponent’s go-to scorer was one of the defining moments of the play-in games.

It served as the prelude to Dillon Brooks’ 2021 postseason breakout. He was tasked with defending DeRozan and Curry, and he lived up to his role as “defensive stopper.” He held DeRozan to 2-10 shooting as the primary defender, and Curry was 5-12 against him as well. The Curry numbers may not be as glorious as his other strong matchup data points (see: Bradley Beal, Damian Lillard or Luka Doncic), but he made it difficult for him to get shots off with a vigorous face-guard.

He surely does get more individual praise for his defensive performance against DeRozan, and rightfully so. He forced him into tough, uncomfortable shot attempts, while not falling for too many fakes.

While Brooks is fighting through the screen here, Valanciunas hedges the screen a bit until Brooks is over the Poetl pick. Once he’s free, he flies into DeRozan’s shot to force him into a rough miss.

There was another good hedge moment here between Valanciunas and Brooks late in the game. Off the high screen, Valanciunas does a great job of moving his feet until Brooks could recover. As the big man returns to drop coverage, DeRozan is forced into a tough sideline floater with a defender flying through to contest the shot.

Brooks’ physicality remained a strong trait in another resumé-building performance as a defensive stopper — the good (tough contests like this), and the bad (5 fouls).

This defensive epitomizes Brooks’ performance on DeRozan. Here, he bodies up DeRozan just enough to bother him, but not too much to create the foul call. Once he gets to that step-back, Brooks makes sure to get in a spot where he’s in his airspace without being completely in his landing spot — which would’ve given him a foul.

It wasn’t just Brooks tasked with stopping DeRozan. The Grizzlies put together an awesome scheme centered to stop him, leading to an uncharacteristic 5-21 night for the veteran star. It really ended with Jonas Valanciunas here. He’s often criticized on that end for his inability to guard out on the perimeter, but he was able to use drop coverage to a strength more against the mid-range maestro.

This sequence triggered evergreen memories of my basketball coach growing up screaming at our team to cut off the baseline. Jonas Valanciunas demonstrates one of the potential pluses in doing so. He has to hedge off the Dieng screen before Desmond Bane could recover. In the process, he forces DeRozan baseline which sends him to “no man’s land” and generates a turnover.

Again, Valanciunas showcases fantastic verticality here:

He helps off the DeRozan drive, and he maintains good rim protection instincts. He stays in control as the driver decelerates looking for contact, and he goes up with textbook verticality to swat the shot.

Switching over to Steph Curry, it was a bit of the opposite. Instead of a tough shooting night (still 13-28), the Grizzlies did a great job of blitzing him, forcing the Warriors into making quick decisions, and putting the supporting cast in positions to make plays without its star. Curry finished with 7 turnovers, the 6th time this season turning the ball over 7 or more times.

Before getting into Curry’s parade of turnovers, I want to showcase the defensive versatility of Jaren Jackson Jr.:

Jackson switches onto Curry off the screen and stays with him the entire drive. He forced him into the paint, where Xavier Tillman was ready to help. Both big men went straight up to swallow Curry’s shot and send it out of bounds to a Grizzlies’ possession.

Carrying on.

Ja Morant does a great job of stepping up into the switch, and Brooks tags the roller well too. Kent Bazemore is not the roller Curry is used to — story of the 2020-21 Warriors, right. Curry instinctually slips the short-roll pass to…nobody…leading to a turnover.

Xavier Tillman takes on the switch here and is really good at staying attached to his hip and in a spot where he could strongly contest the shot. The Grizzlies add extra pressure with Brooks stunting and Morant providing help. Curry is then forced to a mid-air decision, and the closest person near him is Juan Toscano-Anderson, and Morant is there for the steal.

The Grizzlies continued to swarm Curry and force him into quick, mid-air decisions that are either going to result in a wild shot, pass, or a travel.

Dillon Brooks and Kyle Anderson — the team’s two best perimeter defenders — blitz Curry out of the dribble hand-off. What is Anderson’s alternative? A Draymond Green 3? Though he splits between the two defenders momentarily, Anderson recovers to offer a strong enough contest — coupled with Valanciunas’ presence as well — to get him to pass cross-court out of his shot.

This play could’ve gone badly. Brooks probably should’ve played Andrew Wiggins’ roll, while Grayson Allen should’ve returned over to Steph Curry. Ja Morant saved the day here defensively though. Curry sees a sliver to whip a pass to Wiggins — and it’s a smart call, because an easy 2 for an athletic 6’9” wing is good offense. He was a bit too loose with the pass, and that — along with the pressure off Ja’s help defense — forces Wiggins to bobble the ball and turn it over.

In one of the largest possessions of the game, the Grizzlies come up with a massive turnover off of great defensive tactics. Tillman hedges the screen and forces him to the sideline, while Brooks recovers. It leaves Curry in a rough spot.

Let’s marvel at the defensive placement here:

Grizz defense -> curry turnover

Tillman and Brooks are trapping. Morant is in the corner, taking away further drives or a pass to the corner. Anderson is playing the roller and taking anything away in the middle. Grayson Allen is playing a free safety role — ready for anything baseline or crosscourt. It leads to an errant, crosscourt pass that goes over Green’s head for the turnover.

This was just a wonderful display of defensive strategy that forced their opponent into tough decisions the whole night.

Defending veteran stars like Steph Curry and DeMar DeRozan helped the Grizzlies grow in multiple ways. It illustrated the importance of locking in to create turnovers and to help your teammate tasked with stopping that player. It helped Dillon Brooks grow as a primary stopper in playoff situations. It was also a growing opportunity for Taylor Jenkins to learn, adjust, and get crafty with defensive schemes.

Photo by Lachlan Cunningham/Getty Images

The biggest area of growth for the Memphis Grizzlies during the play-in games was in late-game execution. It was definitely a nervous spot, as the Grizzlies had close games with playoff contenders over the course of the season, and lack of experience typically led to losses. Those regular-season moments served as learning opportunities to set them up for success when it mattered most.

The late-game execution, for the most part, was really good — aside from that non-challenge on the Jordan Poole 3 that would’ve sent all areas of Memphis Grizzlies coverage into a frenzy if they lost.

One thing we learned in these moments is, it always pays to have floor spacing around Ja Morant. He’s the driving force of the offense, and one that savors the opportunity to make big moments. If you give him space to operate, he will do so. Others, too, have the chance to shine and contribute whenever the defense collapses on Morant.

In both plays, there are at least 3-4 defenders that are geared towards what Morant is doing at the rim. Rightfully so. Morant’s vision and poise are assets here, as he’ll dish out passes you don’t think he’ll make. In both dimes, he rises up and contorts his body in a way to sling a pass over to the lone corner man for an easy 3.

Something else to highlight with this young team is the amount of winning plays made late in the game from the role players. Xavier Tillman and Grayson Allen both made an impact down the stretch, whether it was big 3’s or hustle plays. One I want to particular point out is this put-back from Desmond Bane.

Bane tracks the ball as soon as it leaves Morant’s hands, leading to an easy put-back. No groundbreaking analysis with basketball terminology there. However, it was a momentum-swinger that ultimately changed the trajectory of the game. With that put-back, the game goes from becoming a 2-possession game to 3. When there are only 90 seconds left, that’s massive.

Another cool aspect from the Warriors game, especially in crunch-time, was the Grizzlies’ willingness to let the other guys beat them. They were not going to let Curry be the one that put the dagger in. That was evident with hilariously bad missed bunnies from both Andrew Wiggins and Draymond Green. They were going to make this supporting cast create for themselves and win them the game.

Both Brooks and Anderson played the dribble handoff extremely well, preventing any sort of look for Curry. Green is forced to turn to Poole, who dribbles it off his foot in a massive possession. Against top-heavy teams, there are two cases defensively: 1) let the star cook and worry about the other guys, or 2) stop the star and let the supporting cast beat you. Though Curry toughly got off his shots, the Grizzlies did an excellent job of forcing the ball out of his hands when it mattered most.

All of these particular executions wouldn’t be possible without a pure go-to closer. Every team has them. There are stars who face the moments head-on and live with either rising or falling in the process. Ja Morant got his first crack at the clutch, go-to moment on the road in a playoff environment.

It’s safe to say he rose above the moment.

Ja Morant got the switch he wanted, credit to the screeners for helping him do so. He was in a spot where he could hit the move that’s most comfortable for him: that hesi-dribble into the drive towards the left, then the right-handed floater. It’s absolutely money.

With a chance to ice the game, Morant didn’t falter under pressure. He sizes up Toscano-Anderson and gets back to that sweet spot where he wants his floater. Off to Cancun the Warriors go.

Yes, there were some inexperienced blunders. However, it didn’t break the Grizzlies this time. The Memphis Grizzlies grew from regular-season heartbreak to execute in the clutch when it mattered most. Role players saw the dividends from making the simple play. Coach Jenkins found the right combinations to ensure good half-court offense, while coming up with great defensive schemes. Then, its franchise point guard Ja Morant had his first moment to be a go-to scorer down the stretch in a playoff atmosphere.

These clutch moments are what expedites the growth process for a young team.

Photo by Noah Graham/NBAE via Getty Images

All season long, Taylor Jenkins preached the importance of growth opportunities. Whether it was a losing in the clutch to a contender, dropping a game against an inferior opponent, or a big-time win over a bonafide playoff team — the vision of sustainable success was preached repeatedly throughout the year.

Those close losses to Milwaukee and Denver back in March prepared them to perform in the clutch in a “do or die” situation.

Dillon Brooks’ battles against the league’s elite prepared him to do so in games where the best players are expected to unload the clip.

All season, the players and coaches preached locking in for all 48 minutes, and that was backed up with strong 4th quarter play and staying active with the defensive gameplay.

For a season full of growth opportunities, the play-in tournament was a growing experience you cannot beat. The young Memphis Grizzlies grew up a lot in those two games — as well as the Utah series — and they’re more ready for whatever lies ahead.

For more Grizzlies talk, subscribe to the Grizzly Bear Blues podcast network on Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, and IHeart. Follow Grizzly Bear Blues on Twitter and Instagram.

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[negahc]

March 2021

It is with great regret and sadness that we announce History Center Board Member, supporter, and dear friend Jackie Cooley passed away On February 9.  She had been a Board member since 2016, but she and her husband Counte had been involved with the History Center for much longer, especially in relation to the White Path Cabin. Along with Counte she had operated Electronic Sales Company for 23 years. She was incredibly active in the community, including as co-founder of For Her Glory, an organization that helps cancer patients in need in medical assistance.  Jackie always had a smile, an encouraging word, and a sharp insight, and she will be truly missed.

We have lots of exciting livestream programs for the month of March! Every Wednesday at 2 PM EST we host free livestream programming to the general public. Every Friday at 2 PM EST we host special Members Only programs.

Become a Digital Member today for as little as $3/month or $35/year at www.negahc.org/member.

View our entire March lineup at www.negahc.org/events

Homeschool Connection is going great. It is hard to believe we are approaching the midterm point of our 2nd semester already! We have just entered the 20th century in our American History Course. Last week we learned about WWI and we time traveled to meet a German Imperial Soldier who had been fighting in the trenches in France.

Is the pirate life for you? Come to the Northeast Georgia's virtual family day made possible by the Ada Mae Ivester Education Center on March 14th from 1PM to 5PM EST and find out. We will have lessons on the history of piracy, the weapons and tactics used by pirates, and you'll get to meet some of the most famous pirates to ever sail the seven seas! We will also talk about pirate legends and why are pirates are so popular today. And to end the family day be sure to join us live at 5pm to play our Pirate Trivia Game. If you win you may just get some treasure!

Thank you to everyone who joined us for our February Family Day: Voices for the Vote! It was held on February 14th which we learned is the League of Women's Voters Day. We had a wonderful time learning about the women's suffrage movement through the virtual tour of our special exhibit, crafts, fashion, and dance. We even had famous suffragists Sojourner Truth, Lucy Stone, and Frederick Douglas come and speak about their views. This program was made possible through the Ada Mae Ivester Education Center and viewers like you!

March Forum: Plagues in History

I know, we're all tired of hearing about, thinking about, and living through COVID-19... but what about some of the other pandemics from the past? Join us for a socially-distanced, mask-free virtual presentation on Tuesday, March 9, at 7PM ET for a MEMBERS ONLY Forum as we look back through history at some of the not-so-good days where plague walked the land and what our ancestors thought about disease and it made it through... Eventually.  

Not a member?  It's not too late!  got to https://www.negahc.org/member and become one in just a few minutes!

We exceeded our February donation goal! Our goal was $200 and our generous viewers and members supported us with $215. Thank you to all of our donors: Eric Falls, Dale Granata, Sue, Leigh Elkins, Rosann, Phil Fortin, Jeanne, Arrelina Bernal, Stella, Anonymous, and HandsOnHomeschool Academy!

In March, we are going to try to reach $250. If you donate toward our March goal, you will be automatically entered into a raffle to win a $15 gift certificate to our online museum shop. Every $5 gets you one raffle ticket! So if you donate $20, you will be entered into the raffle four times. Donate today at bit.ly/march21goal

In our latest episode of Then Again, Glen discusses the geological history of Appalachia with geologist and professor Jim Buecheler from Northern Virginia Community College. Learn the effects of continental collisions, mountain formations, and more in this ROCKIN' episode! You can also follow Jim on his Twitch channel to watch his fascinating geology lessons at www.twitch.tv/geojim2006

Visit our website to listen to this episode (and all other episodes) at: thenagainpodcast.com

The brand new online Museum shop is now open! We have over 70 items currently in the store, with many more items soon to come. We also have discounts of up to 70% off on select books!

Visit our new store at: http://negahistorycenter.square.site

CJ Payne: Digital Studio Intern

My name is CJ Payne, I’m a recent graduate of the University of North Georgia. I got my bachelors’ degree in Film & Digital Media with a minor in Graphic Design. I’m passionate about bringing stories to life through editing videos. I love working on documentaries because true stories have much more of a lasting impact with their message, in my opinion. I am interning at the Northeast Georgia History Center because I want to gain more experience working as a video editor. I enjoy learning about the lifestyles of people in past time periods especially those from cultures other than my own like the Cherokee nation. There’s much to learn from people living in a different era than mine.

I love spending time on set with friends, watching movies, and hiking. I dabble with outdoor photography and take way too many pictures of my dog. I also love to read and take my dog for long walks.

Andrews Gless: Digital Studio Intern

Raised in North Georgia, I fell in love with music and movies at a young age. From  action movies to historical biopics and classic hip-hop to opera, music and movies are something that I have always loved. History is very special to me. Apart from being one of my favorite subjects in school, I love learning about different figures and events through time. There is always a lesson about life that can be learned through the study of history.

I have a Bachelor's Degree in Film and Digital Media with a Production Concentration from the University of North Georgia, where I was able to work on several different award winning films throughout Georgia and the South, (A Devil in God's Country, Dead Winter,  Halfway). I wanted to continue to hone my editing and production skills. The History Center offers the unique opportunity of being able to help produce different types of content for all ages with a  variety of professionals. I hope that I will be able to assist in bringing more stories of North Georgia and the United States to life. I love good stories, great food and movies of all types. I'm an amateur vinyl collector, avid gamer and I can always be found sharing a laugh with my close friends and family.

From Cheryl and Jerry Vandiver in memory of Dinah Wayne, Jack Frost and Frank Norton Sr.

From Cathy and Tony Herdener in memory of Frank Norton Sr., Dinah Wayne, Jack Frost, Jackie Cooley, Jim Walters and Jo Ann Adams.

From Sandra Williams in memory of Jackie Cooley and Jack Frost.

[garden-of-succulents]

Kent Parson and the Comeback Kid

Okay so when I’ve had the brain to write lately it’s been All Andy All The Time and I would love to write out the many incidents filling the years before this piece? But instead I just wrote this and it’s futurefic? I’m sorry for being a frustrating author to follow, just know that it’s the future and they’re married and have a 2.5 year old son. Also I did not have the brain to have somebody beta my hockey or my Minnesota so um, there may be mistakes and you’ll just have to deal with that.

Holidays were different in the Parson-Scarlatti household. They waved vaguely to Christmas as it went by and invested most of their energy in Kent's bye week instead. That was when Andy got Minnesota and real cold, enough that she was sick of it by the time she left; that was when they got to take Nick tobogganing and teach him how to make snowmen, saw his grandmother for two afternoons and Andy's friend the rest of the time.

When Andy lived in Minneapolis, she'd more or less done it in the local rinks. She knew all of them, and their attached recreational complexes, inside and out; Kent got recognized from Wheaties boxes, but Andy rarely made it far inside without being greeted by an old friend. Even when she wasn't playing hockey, Scarlatti was handy, a known commodity, someone you could trust to keep score or patch ice or run a penalty box on a moment's notice. She got pulled into things so easily Kent felt a little guilty for pulling her away from her city.

So when he showed up at the day's rink and found Andy's rental car in the lot but her nowhere in sight and not answering texts, Kent didn't worry; it was another half-hour before she expected him coming. He just saw that one of the rinks was open to parent-and-tot stick'n'puck, paid the drop-in fee, and laced Nick into his skates.

"Oh, buddy," he said, fifteen minutes later as Nick's face crumpled. "I told ya. You really shoulda napped." Nick kept swatting at the puck, coming nowhere near it, and emitting a high-pitched noise on the edge of tears. Kent kept his hands out, half to stop the toddler from falling down and half to make it easy for him to give up and come into a hug.

When someone called, "Parser!" he was just as willing to make a show of looking up, waving at one of Andy's friends, and summarily scooping stick and puck up and steering Nick over to the side of the rink, then pop him up to sit on the boards tucked under Kent's arm.

"Seen Andy?" Terry asked.

"Didn't hear from her. Figured she's still around, but busy," Kent said, handing Nick his car keys to chew on.

"She's playing." Terry tipped his head. "Half the police in the city are working overtime, some nonsense in North Loop, and traffic's fucked, five of the ladies couldn't make it, so Andy put pads on and she's playing for them. In Rink B."

"Yeah," Kent said absently, taking a tissue out of his pocket and swabbing at the snot under Nick's nose. "We got a little stuck in it coming here, got re-routed." Only belatedly did he become aware that Terry was looking at him like he'd missed an important insinuation.

"She doesn't play like she's been out of the game for a decade," Terry said.

"Oh?" Kent looked down at Nick, who was getting restless. "Wanna go see Mommy?"

Nick was so enthusiastic he hardly wanted to wait to get his skates off; once Kent pointed the way he ran, and only stopped in confusion at a crowd of unfamiliar grownups standing around the rink, which did not contain his mother. Kent picked him up and held him against the glass, but when he pointed Andy out, Nick was visibly confused.

Kent's own eyes were playing tricks on him. For a second, Andy was natural and unremarkable and he couldn't see what Terry had wanted him to look at. She even looked a little tired, hesitating, conserving her energy, not pressing her limits like he was used to.

The his eyes re-focused, and he saw.

It was the way the entire game turned around her. She came up to a logjam behind her own net, stuck her shoulder in one way and her stick in another and fished the puck out like there weren't six other women fighting for it. When she sent it flying down the ice, the women who chased it did so with their heads craned uncertainly back at her. She easily ducked around and accelerated past the player guarding her, but even still, the exhausted woman almost seemed to flinch back and give way for her. When she rolled up in the offensive zone ready to accept a pass, the defense greeted her with wary Oh shit looks on their faces. Her team was up 7-2 with four minutes to go in the 2nd.

Usually Kent would have guessed that that kind of presence on the ice, the space other players granted her, was the result of some rough and dirty play early in the game, or a reputation; but the more he watched, he didn't think that was it. Their elbows weren't up, bodies weren't defensive as she maneuvered around them; she wasn't even playing aggressively. She almost played like they were irrelevant, so firm was she in her bearing; she went where she wanted, stopped when she pleased, put the puck where she willed it, and they were just obstacles. Andy caught the pass despite the pair that came after her, rolling it from the tip of her blade to firm possession as she spun around them, handled away from a third player and slotted it in glove-side like it was easy; she did it like she breathed.

She dominated that rink.

He recognized her when she wheeled away from that goal, when she was a sweaty, red-faced woman who flashed her son and husband the sweetest smile on her way to the bench.

I paired her up with Mashkov when we were playing for kicks, Kent thought, and because she couldn't keep up with him I didn't notice how good she was.

He and Nick found a spot in the row of bleachers behind her bench, and she turned from pouring water down her throat to smile, take a hand from her glove and touch the glass where Nick waved at her, before shuffling along with the line to the door and heading out again. When she did, an opposing D went off the ice immediately to let a stronger player shuffle past the rest of the line to go on, but she didn't score before the end of the period.

"Jesus," one of the smattering of people in the bleachers said. "What's Mackensie been eating? She didn't play like that before."

"Sub in Mac's jersey," a rink attendant piped up. "Scarlatti."

"Scarlatti didn't play like that in college," Terry said, arriving from another rink.

"Shit," a woman countered, "Scarlatti didn't play like that in high school."

"What, you played with her?"

"In her league for a year, and I was at U of M when she was at St Cloud, but she stood out more when she was younger."

"You're her husband, aren't you?" asked the woman at the end of the row, whose daughter Nick had made tentative friends with. "Parson."

"Yeah. Kent." He reached over and shook hands, then had to do the entire round of greeting.

"She playing in Nevada?" Terry asked.

Kent shrugged. "No women's team out there, so she switched over to roller derby, and she coaches hockey. We just," He shrugged again. It wasn't some elite or fancy training routine; it was just him and Andy. "When we need to unwind sometimes, we hit the ice and throw a puck around."

Terry whistled. U of M woman said, "Must be some throwing."

Andy's team came out early, so Kent went down to the box to see her. Nick was intimidated by her face cage, and touched it fearfully when she took it off; she made a show of him, and some of the women she was playing with came by to coo (overtly at Nick, but Kent felt ogled).

Terry sat by Kent during the third period, when the seat freed up.

"Imagine," he said, as if to the air itself, as though he meant the words to land lightly on Kent’s ears, "what she'd be like if she were competitive now."

(Part 2)

#stuff i wrote #andy scarlatti #kent parson #leave your lovers like campsites #kent parson and the comeback kid

[metawitches]

In episode 5 of Snowpiercer, LJ goes to trial for her part in the murders of Sean and Nikki, Josie goes uptrain to search for Andre and Miss Audrey takes action to ensure that Melanie will get Nikki the justice she deserves. The Folgers pressure Melanie to go easy on LJ. Bess moves in with Jinju and gets a 2nd class chip implant to go with her bourgeois 2nd class privileges.

It’s a tough episode for Melanie, but she manages to find some stress relief.

Recap

We begin with Andre, who is sealed up tight in a drawer. He normally looks so robust, despite 7 years in the Tail, but now he has a grayish cast to his skin. The version of kronole used as a suppression drug is so poisonous that it gives the entire body a death pall, while turning the insides jet black, which can be seen externally by viewing the gums.

As Nikki claimed, it’s not like sleep. He’s having a combination of flashbacks and dreams. He’s back in the Tail, reliving memories of subduing the cannibal cult. That story was real, and largely happened the way he told it, if these dreams reflect reality. But he killed the cult leaders alone, at the insistence of the rest of the Tail, using a shiv they’d created, instead of the story about group solidarity overcoming an evil villain that Andre told in the Drawers.

The Tail leaders did all share in eating the heart, including Josie, Pike, Last Australian, Z-Wreck, Strong Boy, Big John and Lights.

Interspersed with his memories, Andre hears Nikki singing Sealed with a Kiss, the Bobby Vinton song that LJ played for him. He repeatedly sees Nikki’s bloody, mutilated body standing at the end of an aisle in the Drawers, singing the song, staring at him as if she’s the evil little girl in a horror movie.

Was it trading away the ring that doomed him?

Andre knows that he hasn’t really gotten justice for Nikki. He’s gotten an errand boy killed as a literal sacrificial lamb and sent a 1st Class designer accessory out to take the fall, so the mob can feel like someone uptrain paid for the murders of Thirdies.

The person or people who are really responsible, the ones who ordered all of the murders, are still untouchable, free to order more murders when someone gets too close to their business dealings or secrets.

Layton thought he could put his revolution above individual justice, but his dreams are keeping him honest. The bodies of the victims have probably gotten progressively more gruesome with each murder because they’re being used to send harsher and harsher warnings.

Has his subconscious mind figured out who’s ordering the murders, and who they’re warning off?

Miss Audrey’s spoken voiceover: “I see now that as the Freeze killed everyone I ever knew, I mistook my survival for freedom. But justice never boarded and Wilford doubled down with a jackboot on our throats and a fat finger on the scales. Now, some of us are ready to change his terms. It will be perilous, filthy work. More precious souls may be lost. But we didn’t come this far, suffer this much, to give in to the same tyranny that destroyed us in the first place. Even on a frozen dead planet, humanity needs hope. For these are our revolutions on Snowpiercer, 1,001 cars long.”

Audrey is in the empty Night Car, holding a photo of Nikki from before the Freeze. Did they know each other then? Audrey looks ten years older than she does when she’s performing, onstage or otherwise, as she silently weeps for Nikki.

Snowpiercer has taken its toll on her, as it does on everyone.

Her assistant pokes his head in to signal they’re ready. She nods to confirm that it’s time to enact their plan. In 1st Class, one of the Night Car staff switches places with a busboy from the 1st Class dining car. He pulls out a covered dish from the underside of the cart and places it on top.

It’s lunchtime again for Lead Brakeman Roche. LJ is in the cell and she’s as fascinated by his perfectly formed and packed lunches as I am. She asks him questions about himself, but gets no respect. He remains silent, until he finally tells her that anything she says to him is admissible in court.

LJ doesn’t care, because she’s innocent, so she can’t incriminate herself. Since he won’t tell her how he and his wife met, she tells him that her parents met in St Moritz on a chair lift.

Of course they did. The frozen Swiss playground of the rich and amoral.

She’s just getting around to threatening him a little when Melanie brings the Folgers in. It’s LJ’s trial day, so she gets to go home and prepare. Melanie makes sure she understands that she’s on trial for murder, will be judged by a tribunal of ticketed passengers and will be expected to testify.

Melanie says that Wilford will be following along with the trial. Robert is glad, so that Wilford can see how silly the accusations against LJ are. Roche gets angry, since the Thirdies are taking the trial very seriously. They want justice for their 3 victims. Guess that first victim from years ago, when LJ was 12ish, is back on the table.

Lilah reminds Melanie that LJ is a minor child and the actual murderer is dead. Melanie says this was just the required pretrial detainment.

There’s no provision for a judge or Wilford to determine whether she should stand trial as an adult or a minor then? Because it seems like she’s being treated as an adult, but she was arrested based on evidence that only pointed to Erik, not her. Andre made up the rest of the story and she didn’t argue with him, allowing him to persuade her into becoming a public sacrifice.

Rewatch the scenes if you don’t remember it that way. Layton does the talking and LJ never admits to anything, beyond recognizing the J-hook and being close to Erik, neither of which was a crime. She fully cooperates with the investigation. Layton makes up a scenario he finds plausible, then exaggerates it further to make sure 3rd Class will hate the spoiled 1st Class suspect.

He turned her into another Nikki, so Nikki is haunting him. As a cop, he knows the murders aren’t over.

On her way out of the garrison, LJ tells Melanie that she doesn’t belong in the drawers and she just wants to thank Mr Wilford for the chance to prove it.

Roche and Melanie agree that there’ll be trouble in 3rd if she isn’t convicted.

Josie treats the remainder of Suzanne’s arm, which has developed a serious infection. It’s revealed that Josie was a vet before the Freeze. She’s qualified medically to help Suzanne, but has no supplies to work with and no way to keep a wound clean. Winnie brings Josie a new message from Astrid, asking Josie to meet her in sanitation today.

Bess and Jinju are moving in together, which means that Bess gets a shiny new 2nd Class chip inserted in her hand. The Notary and the Doctor go through a little ceremony with them, in which Jinju promises she’ll be responsible for Bess during the probationary period. If Bess makes a mistake, Jinju will be punished too.

With that, Bess is granted access to 2nd Class and all of its entitlements. The officials offer congratulations, then leave the lovebirds to their celebration. They’re both sure about their relationship and very happy. Three months is the longest Jinju has waited to move in with someone.

Still Snowpiercer’s most adorable couple, with no serious competition.

Back in their own car, the Folgers worry that something could go wrong during the trial, leading the tribunal to convict their daughter. Lilah wants LJ to rehearse her testimony again. LJ is distracted, playing a game, then wondering what it’s like in the drawers. Finally she asks Robert if she can… pop out his glass eye and mess around with it, putting it in her own mouth and pretending it’s a mouth-eye.

Robert chuckles, but Lilah is impatient and insists they get serious. She tells LJ to remember to tell the jury, “He forced me.”

LJ: “He did force me. You do know that, right?”

Robert: “We know that, sweetheart. We know.”

Lilah silently walks away. Maybe because she doesn’t believe LJ, maybe because she feels so helpless.

As the breakfast rush empties out of the 1st Class dining car, Ruth orders her assistant, Tristan, to stop staring out the window. He explains that he used to dream of seeing the Amazon, so he likes to watch it when it goes by. As lacking in imagination as ever, Ruth snaps that now it’s just a frozen lump. She tells him to set the car up for the Tribunal once everyone is gone, using the usual floor plan.

Weren’t we led to believe that there had only been one tribunal, Nikki’s? Or did they just mean there had only been the one murder trial, but there have been trials for other, lesser crimes? If there are regular trials, that makes it even more important to root out unfairness in the system.

Audrey’s replacement busboy wheels his cart into 1st Class and over to Sharma’s table. He says to enjoy the dish, complements of the Night Car, then leaves the dining car while the dish is still covered.

Ruth has taken notice of this unusual display- Sharma didn’t order anything and breakfast service is over anyway. Sharma lifts the cover just as she’s telling him not to. Inside, the dish is live bugs served on top of dead bugs. While everyone screams, Ruth sends Tristan to get Melanie.

Melanie visits Miss Audrey in the Night Car and says, “That stunt was beneath you, Audrey.”

Audrey: “No, it really wasn’t.”

If Melanie won’t play fair, neither will Audrey.

Melanie expresses her condolences for Nikki’s death. But she doesn’t understand Audrey’s anger, when there’s one suspect in custody, waiting to stand trial, and another is dead. What more does Audrey want?

Audrey says that the trial is a joke, since it takes place 5 miles uptrain, with a jury made up of passengers from 1st and 2nd, who are judging whether another upper class passenger killed three of her people from 3rd. They have no motivation to find one of their own guilty.

Melanie: “The Night Car is supposed to be Switzerland. Why are you politicizing it?”

Audrey has a thick book open on the counter. She points to it now: “Third has the right to petition Wilford in labor disputes and matters of jurisprudence. We want a new tribunal drawn. One representative from each class. And a delegation to observe the trial.”

Audrey says that Melanie used to try to make a difference, but working closely with Wilford has hardened her. Melanie remembers when Audrey told Wilford she wanted the Night Car to be more than the brothel he envisioned. Melanie backed her up when she explained that she thought the train would need a place to work through their grief. Now the train depends on Audrey and her vision of the Night Car as that place. If Audrey overtly takes sides, her club will no longer be a place where everyone feels welcome.

But Audrey sees her role as the caretaker and voice of the needy on the train, the ones Wilford and Melanie might forget. She might have been separate from 3rd class in the beginning, but she’s seen how much more they suffer than 1st and 2nd. She’s not the type to stand by and do nothing.

Melanie walks the train everyday, so she’s no stranger to its conditions. But people share their inner lives with Audrey in a way they never will with Wilford’s mouthpiece.

Audrey: “We depend on you… On your voice to Wilford’s ear. Recommend a new tribunal.”

Melanie tries to call Audrey’s bluff, the way she did with Lilah, but this isn’t a bluff. Audrey reminds her that Thirdies work in every department of the train and they can make life very difficult.

And with one significant pause, Audrey hints to Melanie that she knows the truth about Wilford.

Melanie’s next stop is the Drawers, where she asks Klimpt what his autopsy showed about how the suspension drug affected Nikki. He says she had necrosis of her adrenal tissue and hepatic insufficiencies, but he didn’t have enough time to find out whether she would have regained her normal mental state. She wasn’t fully detoxed when she died.

In other words, in addition to all of the obvious side effects of the drug, Nikki’s liver and adrenal glands were severely damaged. This is a terribly unethical situation to continue to keep the other Sleepers in.

Jinju asks if the Sleepers have Locked-In Syndrome, a rare disorder in which patients are fully conscious but unable to move or communicate. Klimpt says they might. He insists that the Sleepers need to be awakened more slowly than Nikki was.

That won’t cure the damage to their internal organs.

Melanie says they have 400 drawers, which someday might all hold Sleepers. They have to make sure the Sleepers won’t wake up traumatized. Klimpt says he’s trying.

That’s a lot of prisoners and experiments and a lot of concern for their welfare when they wake up. Something else is going on here. Is she hoping to eventually sell spots in stasis to the highest bidder, so Firsties can sleep through the rest of the ice age instead of using up resources and growing old?

They should start by using a drug that doesn’t turn sleepers’ mouths black.

Jinju has heard the rumor that the Thirdies want a spot on the Tribunal. Melanie is considering giving in. She tells Jinju that LJ may get what she deserves. Jinju doesn’t look as certain as Melanie that it’s a good idea.

Up in the engine, Ben and Javi are also skeptical about upsetting the status quo, especially Javi, who thinks pushing the Firsties too hard will aggravate the train’s class divisions too much.

Which leaves Melanie stuck, since 3rd is already aggravated. She asks Javi to take the wheel while she speaks to Ben privately.

Melanie and Ben go to her cabin, where they have an afternoon quickie on her desk, not even pausing to move Mr Wilford’s paperwork.

What will the boss think???

Afterwards, Ben lies in Melanie’s tiny single bed and says they haven’t had sex since the bees died. He’s sensing a pattern.

You think??? The woman really is a death goddess.

They briefly indulge in remembering what they miss most- Melanie wishes she could open a window or go for a walk. Ben misses the sound of rain. When he asks if she’s really going to change the rules for the tribunal, she says she just wants to breathe.

The tribunal is chosen using ping pong balls randomly drawn from a cage, the way bingo numbers are chosen. Each passenger is assigned a number. The Voice of the Train announces that Mr Wilford has agreed to allow a 3rd Class member on the Tribunal, so one name has been chosen from each class.

Ruth’s face makes it clear that this decision is sure to bring on the general downfall of civilization.

The tribunal members are Firstie Edith Gusterfeld, 2nd Class primary teacher Mary-Elizabeth Gillies, and Thirdie papermaker Walter Flemming. 3rd Class cheers their representative as he makes his way to Hospitality.

Josie has joined the sanitation crew again so she can search for Andre. At break time, Astrid knocks on the second door in the break room and tells the Tailie crew that Josie should meet Terence the Janitor in the Market, at the symbol of the yellow butterfly. She and Josie switch clothes so that Astrid can take Josie’s place until the next break.

Melanie greets the tribunal members as they arrive in the hospitality office. The tribunal members are friendly and open with each other as they get acquainted, even the Firstie, Edith Gusterfeld. She laments that she doesn’t get to mingle with other classes more.

Ruth: “Doesn’t Mr Wilford understand that you can’t just change the rules?”

Melanie: “I guess they’re his rules to change. He chose the will of the people.”

Ruth: “We don’t have will. We have order.”

Ruth walks out. Her assistant opens and closes the door for her.

Guess Ruth missed the page in the Big Book of Snowpiercer’s Rules of Order that Audrey pointed out earlier.

Till and Oz are tasked with bringing the delegation from 3rd to the 1st Class dining car. He accuses her of having joined the bourgeoisie. She retaliates by asking if he’s still trading drugs for sex. He says his probation is almost over. She says she wants to stay at the trial long enough to hear Jinju’s testimony. They achieve a truce of sorts.

He gathers the delegation and makes a speech instructing them to act like people rather than animals while they’re uptrain, then he and Till lead the delegation the 5 miles from the Night Car to the 1st Class dining car, accompanied by a unit of jackboots.

As the delegation moves uptrain, Robert tries to convince Lilah that everything will be fine. But Lilah understands the truth: “You don’t see what’s happening, do you? There’s an idea traveling uptrain, Robert. It wants to live, this idea. It wants to set the train ablaze and all it needs is a spark. All it needs is to wrap its thick fingers around your daughter’s throat and choke her out for the working man.”

Lj enters the room and Lilah tells her they should continue working on her testimony. Lilah must have gotten through to Robert, because he tells her he’ll take care of it.

From Lilah’s prediction to Layton in the drawer, having nightmares about the cannibals in the Tail. It’s not clear if these are accurate, if jumbled, memories, but I’m assuming they are. If so, it’s a strange story, since everyone else made Layton face the cannibals alone. When Layton told the story, he made it sound like most of the Tail had fought the kill cult.

He looks like he might have been drugged into taking the job, as if the rest of the Tail tried to send him back to the cannibals to be their next sacrifice and got lucky when he killed the cannibals instead. He puts Miles up in a bunk to keep him safe. Everyone wishes him luck as they insist he has to save them. Mama Grandé gives him a weapon, then he charges the cannibals’ lair.

Josie finds the Market, then one of the janitors finds her and brings her to Terence at knifepoint. Terence hasn’t been paid for this meeting and is only interested in how it might benefit him. Josie explains that they think Layton is in a drawer. Terence suggests that Layton might have made Wilford mad and have gotten “his head stuck out a port.”

There’s a fun thought. That would certainly make it hard to identify his body, unless you knew him really well.

Terence and Annie were considering taking a trip to the drawers themselves, so they decide to go along with Josie that afternoon, while the train is distracted with LJ’s trial.

Robert and a delegation of Firsties, including Sharma, Eugenia and Martin Colvin, meet with Commander Grey to discuss a regime change. Robert makes it clear that he’s not a bigot. He’s just a conservative attempting to maintain order. It doesn’t do anyone any good for Thirdies to get ideas above their station.

Grey asks if Robert is speaking as a citizen or LJ’s father. Robert says both. The rest of the delegation stand behind him. They’re all afraid that 3rd will come for their children. Grey says his job is to uphold the rules. He doesn’t make them.

Eugenia says that since Wilford has locked himself away, he’s grown out of touch with the needs of the people. Grey points out that Wilford has “the skills to keep us all alive.” He asks what Eugenia brings to the table. She says she has hundreds of millions of dollars in early investor status and “a whole world of pain when it comes to my survival.”

What does that threat mean? She’s talking to the man who commands the only remaining standing army. How does she think she’ll physically harm him? Does she have nuclear codes that she thinks will still work? A mobster shadow army?

Sharma interrupts Eugenia’s rant and explains that they’re fine leaving Wilford to himself. They’re more concerned with the day-to-day aspects of running the train- everything that isn’t military and infrastructure- and feel they’d do a better job in charge of those aspects. Grey asks about Melanie. Robert says she’d be the first to go.

Grey nods slightly, but stays silent.

I thought Grey hated Melanie and wanted her out, but something about that conversation makes me think he knows she’s Wilford and supports her. Kudos again to Timothy V. Murphy. He kills it in this role.

Martin Colvin turns out to be one of Melanie’s spies and runs straight to her with the story. She asks how Grey reacted. Colvin says the Commander just stared at them, coldly.  She tells Colvin she’ll speed up his renovations.

As they leave for the trial, Lilah gives LJ a few last minute reminders: cry contrite tears, make eye contact and be sincere. Robert pulls his Lilahs in for a family hug. A jackboot escorts LJ to the trial.

In the dining car, Ruth acts as judge to keep order during the trial. She says that tribunals are called to handle cases of crime, conspiracy or negligence. LJ is accused of 2 counts of murder.

Roche is the first witness: “Once the accused was apprehended, the brakemen did a full and thorough search of the Folgers’ quarters. There we found the most striking evidence in the case. Hidden in Lilah Junior’s jewelry box were the particularly preserved, severed penises of two male victims.”

Tristan brings out a jewelry box with the souvenirs in it and shows the Tribunal and the crowd.

I hate to discredit Roche, but every witness in this trial has serious issues. LJ looks shocked when the jewelry box is brought out. If it was found in her room, shouldn’t she and her parents have known and been prepared for this testimony? More importantly, it would have been simple for one of the brakemen who searched the room (cough *OZ* cough) to plant the souvenirs in the jewelry box or even just in the evidence file later, in order to falsify evidence.

Most importantly, no teenage girl hides severed penises in her jewelry box, where her mother might find them while looking for a pair of earrings. The souvenirs would have been hidden more carefully. A jewelry box is the kind of place a man would think a woman would put them and would have easy access to during a search when he wanted to plant evidence. Roche may or may not know the evidence was planted.

Erik could have also known he was in trouble and have planted them there to implicate LJ.

Let’s remember how many men have died in recent episodes, from Tailies to butchers to Erik. Penises to preserve and use as false evidence aren’t hard to come by on Snowpiercer. But my guess is that they found the appendages when they searched Erik’s hidey hole in the storage closet, then planted them to ensure LJ’s conviction. Erik was the serial killer and collector, not LJ.

Next up is Dr Pelton, who did her very first autopsy on Sean Wise. She was led through it by Layton, but now she’s an expert, embellishing her findings as well. As she discusses her findings, Tristan shows the J-Hook around, which now has LJ’s fingerprints on it.

That would explain why LJ sat in front of Layton and made the chopping motion with it.

Sometimes I’m extra slow on the uptake. This why I write 10k word recaps instead of 1 page police detective reports.

Dr Pelton: “Sean Wise was bound and choked multiple times with a thin ligature. He was very much alive when his genitals were chopped off.”

Moving on, the Tunnelman who found Sean’s body plays up the horror of finding such a coldly mutilated human being. If you’ll recall, when Layton and Till interviewed him at the cannibal lunch counter, his only emotion was impatience at having to tell the story a second time, since he’d already told everything he remembered to the brakemen.

Then it’s Jinju’s turn. She sells LJ up the river as the criminal mastermind who controlled Erik, her serial killer puppet and partner in a wicked conspiracy.

Jinju: The whole time, Erik’s focus was Lilah Junior. I was as much her hostage as I was his. (Jinju takes a long look at LJ.) That was what they wanted, Erik and LJ, to kill us all in a nihilistic rage. But the Eternal Engine is still here.”

In fact, Erik said “she” had predicted something and Jinju asked if he meant his girl. Erik ignored her. A little later, Jinju repeatedly asked him his name, which he ignored. But Erik was careful to make sure Jinju wasn’t harmed, even when he shot at the electrical box and knew he was about to die. There’s no evidence that the “she” he referred to was LJ and there was no way for Jinju to know what he was thinking about, unless she’s psychic.

Miss Audrey testifies on behalf of Nikki. She tells her listeners that Nikki was a beautiful person who’s been ignored by the upper classes, just like 3rd Class always is. But it’s time for them to start caring, because they depend on Thirdies for their lives to run smoothly. Meanwhile the Thirdies suffer physical hardships 2nd Class and Firsties don’t experience. Miss Audrey says that she hasn’t come to her current political stance easily. In the beginning, she agreed with Wilfred’s order. But after 7 years, the train needs compassion and justice for more than just the rich.

She says Nikki’s name, in a nod to the “Say Her Name” movement, as the crowd erupts. Ruth calls a recess, after which LJ will testify.

Annie the janitor stops Klimpt as he’s on his way back to the trial and pickpockets his keys to the drawers. Josie, Terence and Annie break in, then the two janitors quickly steal large quantities of chemicals, probably the suppression drug or its precursors, and leave. They toss Josie the keys to the individual drawers on their way out and wish her luck, assuring her this isn’t personal, just business. Josie also pockets a few tubes of medication, likely including an antibiotic for Suzanne.

Melanie pulls Lilah aside in the corridor and warns her to stop her political machinations.

Lilah: “Let me tell you a Folger family story. When LJ was 7, she put out Robert’s eye. Lashed out with a fork and punctured it all over his face. And even as the jelly was running down his cheek, he held her through the tantrum, protecting her. So you go ahead with your Hospitality show trial and prepare to suffer the consequences. Because you’re messing with my bloodline.”

Lilah walks away. A group of passengers is standing several feet behind Melanie, undoubtedly eavesdropping, ready to spread the story of LJ’s history. Rather than proclaim Lilah Junior’s innocence to the train, Lilah’s defense strategy is to turn her daughter into a force to be reckoned with, just as LJ wished for in her conversation with Layton about cannibalism.

As always, the eye story may or may not be the whole truth. It doesn’t matter, just like it doesn’t matter with the testimony against LJ. The point is that Lilah claims royal privilege for her daughter and has already proven in words and deeds that she’ll back it up with a scorched earth war against Melanie if her child comes to any real harm.

Josie frantically searches the files and open surfaces in the Drawers, hoping to find something that will indicate which drawer Layton is in. She knows she doesn’t have time to open 400 drawers.

LJ swears to tell the truth, then goes straight for the contrite tears her mother suggested. She says she loved Erik, but he had a power over her that left her afraid and confused. She’s unsure whether that was really love, but Erik said it was.

She looks straight at Melanie when she gets to the important part.

LJ: “He made me watch him do terrible things and I can still hear those men begging for it to end. Uh, but Erik said fear makes people honest. I think that’s true. Sean Wise, just before he died, said he was an informant, a spy for Mr Wilford. Sean said that shadows and lies were taking over our beautiful train, from tip to Tail, from Ag-Sec to the Drawers. “400 hundred secrets that rock us to the rails,” he said. But he would never spill them. (LJ speaks to Ruth) Can I say this part to Mr Wilford?”

Ruth: “Yes, he’s following along.”

LJ: “I am so sorry for the part that I played in this tragedy. I was silent when I should have spoken, but Sean Wise gave his life to save humanity from the darkness that almost swallowed me whole. If the train shows me mercy, I promise to do my part for her, too. That’s all I can say.”

She stops crying to make her promise and looks Melanie directly in the eye. Melanie has been visibly distressed during LJ’s testimony, since she understands that Sean knew and spilled her deepest secrets. LJ offered to trade her silence for her life and help she could give Melanie in the future. Melanie has to wonder how many other people know her secrets and whether LJ wrote anything down and hid it, maybe in a letter sealed with a kiss. This is a turning point in Melanie’s strategy of violently silencing anyone who finds out that isn’t already a close ally.

Ruth calls another break while the Tribunal deliberates.

Josie seems to develop some sixth sense for which drawers hold Tailies and opens a few. The first two hold children who’d been chosen for the apprenticeshop program, Mia and a young boy. Layton is in the third.

Melanie and Jinju retreat to the Hospitality office and discuss LJ’s testimony.

Melanie: “Maybe he told her the drawers are experimental. Maybe he told her about the list.”

Jinju: “Well, that changes the calculus, doesn’t it?”

Melanie sends a note to Ben and Javi through the vacuum tubes. Javi doesn’t like what it says. He’s mad that he’s even working in the engine. He confronts Ben about his relationship with Melanie.

When Josie can’t wake Layton up, she removes a wrist cuff which results in his heart stopping. Oz and Bess are outside in the hall and notice that the Drawers have been broken into. They investigate and find Josie hiding in the drawer with Layton. Oz pulls her out and brutally beats her until Till knocks him out with her baton.

Till, like everyone else, thought Layton had gone back to the Tail. He’s convulsing and barely has a heartbeat. Josie injects him with something which begins to bring him around. Till tells her they have to get out of the Drawers before they get caught.

The Tribunal finds LJ guilty on all counts, by unanimous vote. Jinju and the teacher look especially pleased. In the engine, Ben tells Javi that he has to follow Melanie’s orders for the worst case scenario. Javi doesn’t think Melanie should interfere with the results of the Tribunal. Ben sends a message to the 1st Class dining car.

Ruth reads the message, which says Mr Wilford is commuting LJ’s sentence due to her status as a minor. The 3rd Class delegation explodes into a riot as the Folgers and the rest of 1st Class are rushed out of the dining car.

Till helps Josie drag Layton to Zarah’s place in the Chains. Josie tells Zarah that Layton was drawered and the Tail needs to be able to trust her now. Zarah pretends she doesn’t know about the blue chip. Josie rushes back to sanitation to relieve Astrid. Zarah helps Layton up to one of her hiding spots.

Melanie has a chat with LJ in the Hospitality office about discretion and secrets. Jennifer Connelly earns her pay with some excellent line delivery, as she tries to convince LJ to play by her rules from now on. LJ promises to keep Mr Wilford’s secrets and look out for his well being, but she also seems overconfident. She thinks she’s safe, but she’s now also a very important pawn, since she’s been exposed as the Folgers’ greatest weakness and as a danger to Melanie. She might not go to the drawers, but accidents can happen to anyone.

Till returns to the Drawers for Oz. He’s gone, but the wall next to where he was lying is marked with red blood and black scuff marks, as if a fight took place. It’s not from his fight with Josie. Who found him there and who won the fight? The jackboots?

Layton continues to convulse, with Zarah holding him down so he doesn’t hurt himself. He remembers bringing a heart out from the cannibals’ section of the Tail and slicing it up. Everyone took a piece and said, “Never again,” before eating it. He remembers Strong Boy, Mama Grandé, Santiago, Josie, Lights, Z-Wreck and Last Australian. No one says OneTail.

Then he wakes up and opens his eyes. He doesn’t know where he is, but Zarah is curled around him and kisses his forehead.

Commentary

Will try to add more screen caps soon.

Cannibals, Sacrificial Lambs and Switzerland

The themes of this episode are cannibals, sacrificial lambs and Switzerland. Sacrificial lambs in the sense of a symbolic sacrifice made by a group which is meant to take the place of the group itself. LJ takes the place of 1st Class. Suzanne’s arm took the place of all of the other rebels who escaped, most especially her own lamb, Winnie. Layton may have unknowingly entered the cannibals’ lair as a sacrifice rather than a protector. The shot of him placing Miles out of the way symbolizes Miles as the potential lamb he’s replacing/protecting.

In the film, children tasted the best, so the cannibals went for them first. People place great value on their children, so they would make the best sacrificial lambs. Curtis gives up cannibalism and eventually sacrifices himself for the children in the film. Layton defeats the cannibals in the Tail. But Melanie makes a deal with the 1st Class cannibals uptrain in order to protect her secrets, though she tells herself it’s to protect the train.

The cannibals and the Swiss are nearly equal symbols in Snowpiercer, with the cannibals admitting that they are motivated by their worst impulses, while the Swiss pretend they are neutral. They have situational morality and thus define what is right as whatever is good for the wealthy and powerful, sacrificing the moral beliefs that drive most of the world’s great religions on the altar of greed and ambition.

As Audrey pointed out, though Melanie defines herself as separate from 1st Class, in her actions she is actually no different from them. It becomes more clear with every episode that Ruth considers herself a de facto member of 1st Class, though it’s not clear yet why she believes she’s above the rest of the senior staff. Ruth enjoys every bit of class based injustice she hands out.

The irony of this episode is that 3rd Class was looking for real change, but would have accepted LJ as a sacrificial lamb, had she received a punishment commensurate with her alleged crimes. The problem is, no one would willingly allow their only child to be sacrificed to appease an angry mob, not even the most amoral of gangsters. By convincing LJ to let herself be caught, Layton hit 1st Class in the one place they couldn’t easily defend. They might have abandoned another adult to their fate, but not a child. Now 1st Class doesn’t trust Melanie to protect their children and 3rd Class doesn’t trust her to give them the justice they deserve.

I suspect that the discovery of Mia and the other boy in the drawers will have the same effect on the Tail. I don’t know how Layton could have planned for Josie to find them or if he saw clues while he was in the Drawers as an investigator that led him to believe Mia was in one. But now the Tailies have another reason to rebel, since their children are being taken, experimented on and left to die. Since no new babies are being born in the Tail, in a sense they have nothing left to lose. The apprenticeship program was the one beacon of hope for the Tailies. If they think that’s a lie, there’s no reason for them not to tear everything down.

Lilah is a bit of a Cassandra. with a very strong sense of  where things stand on the train. I think she’s more than just a classist Firstie interested in staging a coup, though she is that. She also wants to preserve the status quo for the safety of her daughter more than anything else and can see how badly a class war would affect the train as a whole. While she’s willing to make the threat of war to protect her daughter and to go through with it, she’d rather win with a bloodless coup.

Lilah and Melanie have called each other’s bluffs now and made the other back down. They’re testing each other’s limits, and sooner or later, they’re going to hit the point where neither will back down.

Or Melanie will find that she’s hit Audrey’s limit on the other side, if she didn’t do it with her pardon of LJ. Audrey wanted a show of justice and Melanie gave her hollow spectacle. Now Layton is waking up to further stir the pot in 3rd and the Tail.

Amidst the talk of cannibals, there’s also been talk of eating utensils. Now that he’s an apprentice, Miles has his own fork. LJ put out her father’s eye with her fork. There are knives all over the place on the train. Jinju’s are some of the sharpest. Roche’s lunches and Melanie’s dinners are precisely made but don’t require a utensil.

Don’t be fooled by 1st Class with their love of money and jewels. On Snowpiercer, food and emotional ties are the true valuables and the best weapons.

  Zarah was very affectionate with Andre once Josie was out of the way, giving hope to my shipper heart. Andre seemed to melt into her more than he did with Josie as well.

I missed Andre in the present day in this episode. At least they found a clever way to include him and he was only sidelined for one episode.

Now that LJ is free and clearly had what she needed to free herself, I can forgive him for his part in her arrest and trial and be angry at Melanie for experimenting on children instead. What the heck are Melanie, Jinju and Klimpt up to? It seems like they’re attempting long term stasis, but Nikki’s results should be enough to stop the drug trials and pull everyone out.

How on earth does Melanie justify doing such dangerous experiments on children when there are so few left in the world? We knew she was cold and classist, but I had hope that she wasn’t as bad as she seems. Apparently, she’s worse. So is Jinju, though she always seems like she might have no choice but to go along with whatever Melanie wants.

And what is the list Melanie and Jinju mentioned? Is it a naughty list or a nice list? Is stasis solely for criminal and political prisoners, or is Melanie afraid it’s the only way humans will survive the Freeze?

Please, can a Tailie computer hacker walk by those server banks and get curious? Or can Javi defect to the rebels and explain what they’re for? We’re shown them multiple times an episode. That’s not a coincidence.

Josie tells Terence that Layton isn’t the dying type. Is this another hint that he was sent into the cannibals alone as a sacrifice but unexpectedly survived?

Wow, Ruth is really invested in the system and the rule of unchanging order. Like to a pathological degree. Maybe Erik was her hitman.

I bet Ruth loves the Big Book of Snowpiercer’s Rules of Order. Where did that book come from? Is it a covenant between Wilford and the passengers?

So Josie is actually a medical professional. The visuals were confusing me. Sometimes it seemed she was just comforting the patient while someone else was doing the doctoring.

Now that Josie’s seen what’s happening in the drawers, will she be instrumental in solving the detox issue or improving the stasis drug? As a vet, she might have a slightly different knowledge base to work from than Klimpt and Jinju. Plus, she has some real world experience with kronole that they don’t have.

Why on earth has Melanie left so many professionals with valuable skills back in the Tail? I’m never going to get over that. Plus, if the train is emptying out cars that were used for food storage, why can’t the Tail expand into some of those?

Melanie could incorporate the Tailies into the rest of the train much more quickly than she is. It’s hard to guess how much she’s dragging her heels because she likes having the example of the Tail to use to scare the rest of the train into doing what she says, so they don’t end up starving and in rags; and how much she needs to integrate the Tailies slowly to keep the resentment of the ticketed passengers to a reasonable level.

Miss Audrey Is Much More Than a Pretty Face

Miss Audrey’s look during the opening sequence is the result of a masterful blend of cinematic techniques which are used to add depth to her character. Audrey (and Lena Hall, the actor who portrays her) is a beautiful, glamorous woman. But in this scene, she looks older and harsher than we’ve ever seen her. Instead of a pampered star, she looks like an aging working class night club manager.

Miss Audrey also looks like a survivor with the moxie to take on 1st Class and Melanie. She’s fought a few wars of her own and isn’t afraid to get down in the dirt. She may work in show business, but she’s not Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard. She’s Rick Blaine, the world weary café owner from Casablanca. She knows who she is and who her people are.

She’s chosen her side, because there is no true neutrality, even in the real world.

Switzerland is actually a wealthy country which caters to the wealthy of the world. It’s far from neutral; it simply chooses to protect the wealthiest class rather than taking sides in politics, as Melanie attempted to persuade Miss Audrey to do. Switzerland chooses to remain neutral in political disputes between the factions of other countries and regions not out of some moral position, but rather because choosing sides would interfere with its business transactions. Far from promoting morality, the country facilitates the high crimes and safeguards the fortunes of some of the most morally corrupt people in the world.

Melanie tries to argue that if Audrey takes the side of 3rd Class, she’ll inconvenience the upper classes, who then might feel uncomfortable in the Night Car, affecting business and affecting the mental health of the train, since the Night Car functions as a therapy car. It’s a circular argument which doesn’t take into account the mental health or physical wellbeing of 3rd Class, by assuming the wealth of 1st Class is what keeps the Night Car in business.

Miss Audrey’s look in this scene is achieved through several techniques, such as lighting, hair, makeup and camera work. The lighting is deceptively golden, tricking the eye into thinking it will soften her features, but there’s an underlying clarity of tone to the color and a harshness to the contrast that the shadows bring.

The camera is also in such sharp focus that it brings out every fine line in Miss Audrey’s face, probably because of the lens that was used, but I’m no cinematographer. It’s hard to see this in a screen cap, but if you have a good TV or other screen, pause the scene in a few spots and take a look at how they worked to make the lighting and focus unflattering to Lena.

Lena also positions herself to make her face look sad, old and unhappy by gritting her teeth and tensing her jaw and neck. Her makeup, which is perhaps meant to look like stage makeup, is too intense to be flattering up close, especially her lips and eyebrows, and also helps to emphasize the fine lines in her face. Her hair, which is normally perfect, is dull and bordering on frizzy.

She has a fake (?) tattoo and glitter on her chest and shoulder which almost look like a rash or burn scars at first glance. I thought of this later during her testimony when she brought up the diseases in 3rd Class that don’t get treatment and wondered if the decoration hides something else, like a scar or skin cancer.

Taken together, all of these pieces show us that Miss Audrey may be able to pull herself together to put on a good public show in her widow’s weeds, but she’s privately devastated by Nikki’s death. If you thought the widow’s weeds in episode 4 were simply a dramatic performance, you were wrong.

When her look is combined with the photo and the voiceover, we can guess that Nikki symbolizes everything Miss Audrey has lost. She was the one who Audrey had held onto through the Freeze and the inequality of the train. Now she’s been unfairly taken away and Miss Audrey will be sending some messages of her own. The words of the song resonate for her as well.

Though we’ve gotta say goodbye for the summer,

Hey, I’ll promise you this,

I’ll send you all my love in a letter,

Sealed with a kiss.

Sealed with a Kiss

The way Sealed with a Kiss was emphasized in episode 4 kept nagging at me, since it suggested that the song was more than just a random choice by the creators. This episode makes me certain of that. Layton knows he’s missed something in the case and it’s nagging at him, even in the drawer, in the form of a song stuck in his head.

Nikki sings the same lyrics from Sealed with a Kiss that were emphasized by LJ in episode 4, except for changing “baby” to “hey”: “Though we’ve gotta say goodbye for the summer, hey, I’ll promise you this, I’ll send you all my love in a letter, sealed with a kiss.”

The lyrics, by themselves, suggest a few possibilities.

“Say goodbye for the summer” has obvious significance on Snowpiercer. They’ve all said goodbye to the summer, forever. Movement from summer to fall and winter is also a reminder of the power structure on the train. For example, Roche shook hands a few times with Wilford before they boarded the train, but hasn’t seen him since he holed up in the biosecure engine after the permanent winter journey began. Saying goodbye to the summer was also saying goodbye to the original, accessible Wilford.

In this episode Miss Audrey reminds Melanie that they were once united in convincing Wilford to do the right thing for the lower classes. She hints that she knows Melanie is Wilford, but keeps it ambiguous.

Nikki and Audrey were close. Layton only spoke a few words with Nikki in life, but if there’s some sort of shared consciousness happening between residents of the drawers, courtesy of those endless server banks, he may be haunted by an upload of her mind or seeing and hearing a leftover echo.

“I’ll promise you this” I have a few thoughts here. First, it’s time to mention that Sealed with a Kiss was used in the 2006 cult slasher film All the Boys Love Mandy Lane. In the film, Emmet and Mandy, a pair of bullied high school students, get revenge on their classmates while keeping her involvement a secret. They have a suicide pact, which Mandy reneges on. At the end, Mandy and Emmet fight each other to the death, she wins, and then rides off into the sunset with Garth, a 2nd, cuter boy, who thinks she’s a heroic victim. The film turns the Final Girl trope on its head by revealing that she survives because she’s a villain, in addition to fulfilling the usual characteristics of the trope. Plus she also kills the slasher when he turns on her, suggesting their alliance was tenuous all along.

I’m not sure what the “Mandy” filmmakers were trying to say and I’m not sure where Snowpiercer’s showrunners are going with LJ’s arc, but there are some obvious similarities between these two stories. It rarely occurs to male writers when they write women’s stories like this film or LJ’s arc on Snowpiercer that women are frequently coerced by their violent, abusive boyfriends into cooperating with the boyfriends’ violent crimes. It’s as if Stockholm Syndrome doesn’t exist.

Male creators have often observed women’s behaviors very closely and can write women accurately from an external point of view. But they don’t understand the potential motivations behind the behaviors at all, as if it’s never occurred to them to just talk to a few women who’ve been in similar situations.

They write these shows in such a way that the only understandable motivation for the characters, as written, is that they were coerced and abused. But in the shows, the woman is the femme fatale, the criminal mastermind, the evil Eve or Lolita who led the poor, unsuspecting male astray. And of course an evil woman deserves a harsh punishment. Eve was thrown out of Eden. Lolita was thrown out of the Eden of childhood, passed between men and finally left a single teenage mother. The show becomes nothing but another male fantasy.

Our culture, as a whole, trains us to be oblivious to so many forms of everyday abuse, whether its racism or ableism or sexualized violence or abuse of power by an authority figure. The higher your natural position in the power structure, the less you notice what’s going on around you, unless you’ve been a victim of that particular form of abuse. This is true of everyone. We all live in our own bubble.

The lover in the song promises to send love in a letter, sealed with a kiss. Promises can be coerced. During torture, promises are broken.

A promise is also form of consent, which a minor child like LJ can’t legally give to an adult man like Erik.

This song is associated with both Nikki and LJ. 3rd Class still wants the justice they were promised for Nikki’s death, while LJ has promised to keep Wilford’s secrets and make herself useful in exchange for her pardon. Those two promises are about to start a class war, unless Melanie does some quick thinking. Layton was in the drawer for these developments, but he knew something like this would happen. He helped create Nikki as the ultimate 3rd Class victim and LJ as the ultimate symbol of 1st Class privilege, with both as symbols of broken promises.

“I’ll send you all my love in a letter” I have a few ideas for this one and very little evidence. Something must be tickling the back of Andre’s mind. Maybe Zarah sent a message to the Tail telling him about Miss Audrey’s giant book of Snowpiercer’s rules and regulations. That would be something he could use if they went for negotiation and a less violent revolution. That book will be important in some capacity, that’s for certain.

Maybe he realized the implications of something he read and pushed to the side in the Folgers car. Or another message he received from uptrain when he was still in the Tail. Or maybe Melanie slipped up somehow. Maybe something about her Fight Night message from Wilford clicked in his brain. Was that a message to Erik or another of her minions?

There’s also still that puzzling quote from Erik to Jinju, “She said this was coming.” Was Melanie sleeping with Erik, too? Humbert Humbert sleeps with Lolita and her mother, so the precedent is there.

“Sealed with a kiss.” That can only be secrets and/or poison. Poisonous lipstick, the Judas kiss, the Kiss of the Spider Woman, the kronole stuck in the cheek: there’s just no other way this is going. Betrayal is in the air. Every witness at the trial lied or seriously embellished the truth. Even those we thought were honorable. I’d bet a lot that a brakeman, probably Oz, planted the penises in the jewelry box. That’s just not where LJ would keep them.

The cop in Andre knows he needs to look into the connection between the black market, kronole and the murders. Just as the Tail couldn’t be safe until the cannibals were gone, kronole will cannibalize the entire train unless it’s eliminated. Terence and Annie showed us in this episode that they are far from benevolent.

In her testimony, LJ said that Sean Wise told her and Erik that “Shadows and lies were taking over our beautiful train.” and “Sean Wise gave his life to save humanity from the darkness that almost swallowed me whole.” She’s talking about kronole. That second quote suggests that she was threatened somehow. She also says his death helped save humanity from kronole. How? Was he selling it as well as informing? Did he try to get LJ hooked?

Nikki’s Body and LJ’s Guilt

LJ has an airtight alibi for Nikki’s murder. The entire train saw LJ in the Night Car for the fight, right up until the very end, when the Folgers were forced to leave at last call. That was the period of time when Nikki was being murdered.

When he was done with Nikki, Erik stayed in public for hours, where he’d be seen, in the 3rd Class dining car, perhaps so that LJ couldn’t be implicated. He only left when he knew Nikki’s body was about to be found. Then he went to the bee storage unit, and stayed there until Till and Oz found him.

Was he leading the brakemen to his hiding place, so they could find something important he’d hidden there? The J-hook that he left among his possessions in the Folgers’ car also leads back to the storage unit, providing another tip off to search that area. As LJ basically says in her trial, Erik is the one who tortured and questioned Sean. He heard the secrets Sean spilled. That’s likely why Erik was targeted for death next, after Nikki and Sean. (Remember, someone told him this was coming.)

But whoever Erik works for, or whoever put the hit out on him, didn’t count on him carving up Nikki so thoroughly. Her throat isn’t just slit (well, it might be when he leaves her). By the time Melanie and Andre get to her it’s opened wide and something electronic, with a flashing light, has been inserted inside.

Is that a message for Melanie, the Voice of the Train? Is it a medical implant Nikki had due to a previous injury or illness? We’ve already been shown that Klimpt violates the bodies of the living. He’d have no problem violating the bodies of the dead.

Whoever wanted Erik dead also thought that his secrets would die with him. Melanie was honestly floored to realize how much LJ knows, which means she didn’t think LJ was actually the mastermind who ordered Erik around, or even involved in the crimes at all. She knew the trial was a sham. As did virtually everyone involved in it. They were all playing out a piece of theatre meant to appease 3rd Class so they could get back to their normal lives as soon as possible.

Melanie would never have allowed LJ to take the stand if she thought LJ could reveal her secret. Since Sean was her informant, he had a high likelihood of guessing the truth. Layton guessed that was the real reason why he was brought out of the Tail- because Melanie was afraid Sean told the killer her secret.

Melanie thought her secret died with Erik and that LJ had no involvement, so putting her on trial would show Melanie’s own power over 1st and gain her some favor with 3rd. But either Layton or Erik shared the truth with LJ, or she was really present when Sean died. My money is on Layton giving her the ammunition she needed, but Erik also fed her pieces of the story.

Graphic photos of Nikki’s injures from episode 4 follow. Fair warning if you want to skip them.

Layton is dreaming about Nikki singing LJ’s song with a mutilated neck , with lyrics about sealing letters with a kiss. He knows he’s missed something with this case, and that Nikki’s throat holds a key clue.

Layton must have caught the tiny flashing light inside Nikki’s mutilated neck, but was distracted from processing it by all of the anger and regret in the room. Roche helped heap blame on everyone, extending the argument. That’s not the only time I’ve questioned Roche’s motives lately. Maybe he’s not as  honest as he seems.

No idea what’s causing the light.

  This slideshow requires JavaScript.

  Screen Caps from Opening Credits

Collider interview with Daveed Diggs

Interview with Snowpiercer Production Designer Barry Robison– Includes an in universe explanation of how the chains came to be.

Snowpiercer Zoom call backgrounds

    Essential viewing: Explore the Train

This might be the greatest fan theory of all time.

Images courtesy of TNT.

Snowpiercer S1E5: Justice Never Boarded Recap-Layton is in a drawer, Melanie is stressed out, LJ is on trial & Josie uses the chip again. But Jinju & Bess find some happiness & Melanie & Ben find some stress relief. #Snowpiercer In episode 5 of Snowpiercer, LJ goes to trial for her part in the murders of Sean and Nikki, Josie goes uptrain to search for Andre and Miss Audrey takes action to ensure that Melanie will get Nikki the justice she deserves.

#Daveed Diggs #dystopia #Jennifer Connelly #Justice Never Boarded #lena hall #metacrone #post apocalypse #recaps #review #science fiction #Snowpiercer

[asexualmew]

Learning Disabled and How The American Public School System Failed Me

Arc I - Special Ed

Okay, so I’m learning disabled. The earliest age they can actually test for that sort of thing, with the exception of speech tests which was done much earlier, was in 2nd grade, but it was apparent before then, too. I was put into multiple Special Ed type classes.

Alphaphonics

Some English class? Different from Alphaphonics?

A Math class

Speech therapy

Apart from speech therapy that I had started when I was 2 years old and continued to sometime at the end of 4th grade when I finally graduated, these classes felt...

Pointless.

I mean, there was definitely a need for special education, but the way my elementary school went about it, it felt absolutely useless. I can’t even remember doing any work in my English class. I remember once the teacher read to us a book, and another time the teachers wanted to see if glasses with tinted colours could help me read better, but for the most part, this “English” class was just used as a free time for us kids. We’d just hang out and play lots of games.

Alphaphonics was particularly awful due to its repetition, and it wasn’t until I was an adult trying to explain to my friend how redundant and awful it was that I discovered that it really was a bullshit class, in the sense that it was a ciriculum made by an ableist man that went around trying to sell off this bullshit to schools and not many schools took the bait, but mine did. Every single day from 2nd grade to the end of elementary school, we spent the mornings cycling through flashcards, “U. Umbrella. OO. Book. OO. Moon.” Etc. Every day. For years.

And then the math class... That class did do something. Just. Not efficiently enough, I think.

Now, before I go on in this story, I want to stress that at this time I was a lawful-good goody-goody-tooshoos that was afraid of breaking a single rule in class. I was also nearly a straight A student, with a couple of B’s hanging out here or there. Thinking about that annoying teachers pet in elementary school? Good, that was me.

Okay well, this math class, this special ed class, it was patronizing as all get out! We were so behind the regular class and where they were in math. And it wasn’t because we weren’t doing well or learning the material, it’s because the teacher kept kiddy gloves on while teaching us, constantly, and she kept us behind. We’d be working on work sheets with subtraction of larger numbers, and all of us at my table would make a 100% on it... but meanwhile, at that very moment, the regular math class, the students were already on basic division. 

And this was upsetting. Especially given just how often you have to be told by the grown ups around you that “You’re not stupid! You’re just special! You’re.. you’re GIFTED!” when you know that you’re just being told this to placate you, and you feel worlds behind all the “normal kids”. It doesn’t mean anything to be told that you’re not stupid, when you’re taught that grades represent your worth as a child, and you’re not even being taught the same things as the other kids your age. Being “gifted” means literally nothing when you know there’s no worth to those words.

So, being a typically quiet child who always raises their hand to speak in class and who always does the “right thing”, one day I just snapped.

Arc II - Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!

I stood on the table and yelled at my special ed teachers in that math class. How DARE they treat us like we’re stupid! WE’RE NOT STUPID! We’re smart just like everyone else! We already learned this stuff months ago!! But you don’t let us move on to the next thing! We’re NOT STUPID! WE’RE NOT STUPID! STOP TREATING US LIKE WE’RE STUPID! I wanna learn what everyone else is learning! WE’RE NOT STUPID!

All of the other kids in class cheered and wooted, but the head teacher in that class was livid. I know she tried her best to make sure we didn’t feel stupid, with words like “gifted” and all that, but actions were louder than words, and I wasn’t very remorseful to her hard work. She asked me if I wanted to leave Special Ed. If I wanted to be dumped in normal class. She told me I’d fail. That I would want to come back. But I was determined, and my pride was hurt, and I wanted to be treated normal. So, she arranged it so that I was no longer in Special Ed for math. (Where was my mom in all this? I forget!)

It was 5th grade and I was very much so behind the regular class. I was given no bridge to prepare me for division. I mean, I eventually learned multiplication and division, and, my poor teacher tried to help me all she could but, I was already beginning to fall like a rock. I went from getting consistent A’s to consistent F’s. I was heartbroken.

This is when I first discovered my perfectionist tendencies, and, also, the first time those tendencies began to ruin my life. Because I couldn’t do it. And I gave up. I stopped doing my homework, first in math, then in everything. I tried what I could in class, but I never reached high. I just... gave up and quit. But I refused to go back to special ed. I’d prefer to fail on my own.

Arc III - Conspiracy

Finally, 7th grade. Middle school. I was gonna start a new here! I wouldn’t be bullied, I wouldn’t be a failure, I would do my best! Clean slate!

Well. The principle of this middle school approached me at some point. “I noticed in your papers that you were in special ed in elementary school, but then you got out? Would you like to be listed as learning disabled to make school here a little easier for you?”

Honestly, I didn’t know what that would mean, how it would be “easier”, but I knew is that I wanted nothing to do with that! I didn’t want that! I wanted to get far far away from being treated differently because of how my brain was wired. I had already been treated differently my entire life for it, and the way I was treated differently wasn’t very fun. I was scared. And prideful! I refused.

I had no idea that refusing this offer would start a little war in the school between the staff and my mom and me.

After that my grades started getting mysteriously lowered. Homework that I turned in was getting marked as “missing”. I was being sabotaged. The school kept calling in my mom to talk to her, to tell her how poor I’m doing, and try to get her to agree to have me set as Learning Disabled but, she actually respected my wishes to be free of that label. I tried to tell her, too, that “No! I really did do the work, Mom!” but she doubted me a lot. I don’t blame her.

And then, one day, my history teacher had messed up. He returned a test that we had done, all graded and everything, and I had made like, a B or something. But later, when I saw my progress report, the grade that was entered into the computer was significantly lower.

I had proof.

I showed it to my mom and she got pissed. She started showing up at the school every day to try and get them to fess up and to stop treating me this way. Meanwhile, the principle would hound me down in the halls between classes, or when I was trying to go home, to tell me how terrible I am at school and how I needed to sign up as learning disabled.

One day, in first period, I was thinking about my mom and the teachers, and all of a sudden I started breathing really hard and I couldn’t stop. It disrupted the class and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was hyperventilating for the first time. My first panic attack before many, many more in the near and far future.

Arc IV - It All Comes Down To Money

My homeroom teacher asked me what I was thinking of, I said “Mom!” and he told me to stop thinking about it, and had the student sitting next to me walk to the nurse.

My homeroom teacher called my mom and told her to meet him after school. There, he confessed everything. He admitted that the principle was threatening all of their jobs over this. That they had meetings about how to deal with me and how to deal with my mom separately. How they were told to lie about my grades, and then tell me to my face that I really was a bad student so that I may believe them. All because the government pays more money to a public school that has learning disabled students. The more learning disabled students, the more money the school gets. And I guess when I got pulled out of special ed in elementary school, that’s how my teacher had done it, by removing me off of the list for learning disabled. I don’t understand honestly, but what I do understand, was that my principle was specifically targeting and hurting me out of greed.

After my teacher finished up explaining all of this, he said he wasn’t going to take part in it anymore, and that when the school year ends, he was going to move back to Russia and teach there, again. I really appreciated that he came forward with this at risk of his job, and that he couldn’t stand to watch this happen anymore.

I had several more panic attacks after this, including after being chased to by the principle whom, when she made it to the car I got in to go home, when the window was rolled down she stuck her head in just to continue telling me how poor of a student I was.

But it didn’t matter. Now that we knew what was going on, we would fix it.

And Mom pulled me out in that first semester and home schooled me for the rest of my middle school days.

Arc V - But the damage had been done

That was elementary school and middle school. I was sent back to public school for high school because my mom felt there were so many missed opportunities if I stayed home schooled, things she couldn’t teach me, and interactions I’d never have. I was doing very well being taught one-on-one and I learned years worth of material per semester. But- high school had art class... sooooooo.....

Unfortunately though, I just couldn’t do as well in a public setting, and I started slipping through the cracks again. It’s incredibly disheartening to know that you were the only one who cared about your German class, and you were also the only one who failed it, for example. It wasn’t that long after, when I started making all F’s and C’s again (there aren’t D’s in Texas) that I was approached and was given the offer again.

“If we label you as learning disabled, then you’ll need less credits to graduate with and you’ll be given more time during tests.”

And for everything I worked for to be cleared of that, for everything my mom did to protect me from this, I took the offer, and then continued to fail in school, but now properly as a learning disabled kid.

I had already forgotten how to do well in school, after all. And whenever I tried, and I failed, I’d just continue to fail cause I’d give up like the perfectionist I became after leaving special ed.

Public school just really isn’t designed for people like me, which is why people with some of my disabilities have such a high ratio of dropping out of school. We’re set up for failure from our early years. Even if I hadn’t left special ed, what do you think happened to all the kids int here that were behind that were being dropped in schools that didn’t have those classes? I don’t know. I mean, I can’t justify it. Like, even if I say “It’s my fault for leaving special ed”, I was also a kid. Like, 10 years old! It shouldn’t be my fault for wanting to be treated like a normal human being and doing everything in my power for that result.

I could also say it’s my fault for just not trying hard enough, but, I also can’t justify saying that, either! Heh. Cause my behavior was very much so learned.

Anyway, I graduated by the skin of my teeth through a computer remedial class and that’s better than what my mom had and I feel really fortunate for graduating at all.

#Ableism #Learning disabled #School #Abuse #Long post #Text heavy