#bc rn its cals

[llumimoon]

my sister, who hero reminds me of, took me out for driving lessons and noticed i was shakinf a little and in like a teasinf but concerned voice she was like u r ok ??? ur hyperventilating baby. and i wanted to weep bc i got smacked with a feeling of love

#cal rambles #she doesnt say baby often its not like a Thing she says like how some ppl call everyone darling or sweetheart #she said baby specifically calling ME baby bc jm the youngest #and im weeping hi sorry the reason why Hero and Normal's relationship is so so important to me #is bc it reminds me of my sister and my siblings okay OUGFG CRIES SCREAMS #they r so special to me specifically actually #especially bc. that sister was the one who got me to listen to dndads in the first olace #sorry im all emotional rn its late 😭 and jm a bit of a wreck #i love her so much. its been complicated before but i love her #i want that for them i want hero and normal to be happy i want them to eventually reach a point #where hero can teach normal how to drive where they can rob at eachother but also rely on each other #i want it for them so bad i know it can happen #anyways jm gonna lie down and weep until i stop getting emo over these teo

[aro-ortega]

cal and astarion do NOT get along. it started with astarion having a very dismissive attitude about cal where cal got the feeling that astarion was mocking him / dismissive of his abilities / telling him along the lines to "run along now, little boy" and cal absolutely hates these things so it already soured his opinion if astarion. and then astarion tried to bite him in the night, and cal reeaaaallly didnt like that astarion is lucky that he wasnt killed/sent away. but the funniest part of all this for me is when they were dealing with the flesh book; astarion wasnt there when they found it, but he was there when they acquired the stone to open it. and he wants it sooo bad, but cal wanted it real bad too, hes a sorceror he wants get better at magic / understanding it / have more magic/power at his disposal. so he refuses to give astarion the book and reads it for himself. he acquires the ability to cast speak with dead once/long rest as a ritual and, smug, he gives astarion the amulet of lost voices as a consolation prize since he doesnt need a mere trinket to speak with the dead any longer

#astarion is FUMING #cal is a sorceror and very OBVIOUSLY a sorceror with his pink hair and purple eyes #so hes used to people dismissing his abilities to control his magic and he HATES IT #hes also an urchin and has like No One bc people avoid him bc hes so obviously a sorceror and his mom died when he was like 5/6 and #and his human father is an asshole who never gave him or his mom the time of day #and hes also YOUNG hes in his very early 20s. so he gets dismissed for his age a lot and he HATES IT #yes hes young but hes experienced hes been on his own since he was 6 you dont know him stop dismissing him !!! #so yeah he doesnt like astarion. hes also mad at lae'zel for similar reasons rn but its not as bad as what he feels for astarion #wyll is 100% his favourite rn but gale recently complimented him and his talents/abilities so. gale is okay #hes not sure how he feels about shadowheart bc she seems to swing between dismissive and thankful to have him as an ally so. theyre fine #(they havent gotten karlach yet) #cal #bg3 #op

[ozdicaff]

Im sorry for the inactivity, my cat died recently and ive fallen on bad financial times, most of my time now is being spent on commissions to recover, im sorry for those who are excited for more CTS au or more Sun nd Moon art in general but im afraid that won't be for a while.

#cal cackles #vent? more of an update #i feel bad when i leave ppl in the dark.. #but if you wanna help #please consider commissioning me #and if youre wondering why im bad financially rn #its bc me nd my family spent a lot #on trying to keep our cat alive #a ... lot #im sorry for being a downer on your feed #ily all #im hoping to come back to active posting in a month or two

[tinylittlebab]

2/10/23

goal: 1000 / total: 821 / extra burned: 100 / net: 720 / weight: 94.5

disappointed in this. wouldve been less but i kinda blanked while eating goldfish and forgot to count them out bc i was too busy sorting them. oops. well its not that bad. i didnt end up getting to do my usual stuff so the day was very hard. i had planned to wait to eat till later or not at all but around 8pm i started feeling very ill and shakey so i decided to eat. unfortunate but whatever.

mad at myself for being hungry this morning since i had over 800 yesterday. my body is so pathetic. i fed it so much yesterday but even still.

#ugh. 821 thats so much i feel so bad #i know that ill still definitely lose weight if im eating that much daily but i feel pathetic for not going lower even when i wasnt #exercising. the main reason im able to maintain 97 and still eat 2000 a day is bc i exercise so much every day #my sedentary tdee is 1400 and i burn so much extra every day so it works out. i guess im lucky that my main coping mechanism that i use to #feel regulated and also happy (basically a hobby tbh) involves exercising. idk daydreams are more vivid when i skip around #makes me forget my body exists. and i do it so much that i burn a whole lot of calories #ugh. my body hurts rn. i should eat but idk what. should i go higher now and lower later or vice versa #im allowing myself to be ok with higher numbers today. nothing above 1100 but above 800 is ok #think its kinda silly that i always SAY my limit is 1000 but its actually not. but if i set my limit to anything less than im actually more #likely to meet it or go over. i more frequently get totals of 500 with this limit. i tell myself i can have a bigger meal later and then it #comes to bedtime and instead of eating i just go to bed. qhen its a lower amount i know i wont be able to eat anything larger so i am #doing way more counting of cals on everything to figure out what to eat later and it messes me up #and eating over 800 2 times a week isnt so bad. ill still lose weight. i feel bad tho. like im not disordered enough #but 800 is still a very small amount

[silverislander]

weeks of not wanting to write and tonight i want to write Everything. i cant do that come on man

#like. i want to finish the ghost hunting fic that is actually genuinely coming to the end now (only took over a year. for less than 10k) #i want to continue the One With The Fancy Party #i want to write cal and the boys partyhopping and doing crimes again #i want to write this one original story ive had stuck in my head forever abt an old knight and the tragedy of having chosen ones #i cannot do all of these things. i cant even do all of those tonight lol #levi.txt #ill probably do the knight story. and maybe the fancy party if i get distracted #thats the one im most fired up abt rn #its had a sad premise forever now but i finally feel like it has MEANING bc i know how it ends. and its not going to be sad #yes its abt knights but its about community and sacrificial lambs/moral scapegoats and activist burnout #theres hope. its just not where theyve been looking to find it

[dandelion-roots]

[ID: a digital drawing of margot and christine against a gold background. margot is cradling christine's left cheek as she kisses her right; her other arm is around christine's shoulders. christine has her hands on margot's waist. both women are blushing. end id]

#cal #martine #margot dubois-alvarez #christine jones #ive been saving art of my comic for the eventual launch but yknow what #fuck it ill post it now #bcs ive realized that even tho no one will care rn since the comic is still in the making and they dont know these chars #i can just post it #and also my art improves over time so its better to post it now than to wait for a time #when i might consider it too 'bad' to post #like this is a few months old and im already like hmmm should i??? but i must not listen to the bad men in my head #art is fun and i had fun making it and so it goes on my little blog!!! have some lesbians while i rest my hand #so i can do the mdzs pieces that ive planned out #also have a tiny lil cemetery boys comic in the make #i should finish that too as soon as i can draw again #oh MAN i cant wait to finish the buffer for the comic im soooo excited its gonna be a lot of queer stuff against a dark fantasy fae setting #described art #sapphic art

[astrxealis]

owhhh okay i think i'm p tired ... gn in advance y'all

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #tired not as in Sleepy i mean the other Tired but i'll be fine TvT #anyways aaa ebg ends soon !! like a day or two !! so uh :squints: to all those who have sabotaged me ily very very much and really #appreciate it sm TvT LIKE HELRPWJDJSJ ik i shld feel :(( <//3 yes but also knowing i was actually like. y'all make the game fun ... TvT #yes yes so uhhhhhh help im heating up IDHSIWJEKS (shy) #OKAY so to sam & lune esp bcs damn y'all hate me fr 💔 /nm n ofc cal lettē n that 1 anon im p sure is anoushka (embarrassed if im wrong but #yes <3 IDHSIDNS) tyvm friends TvT aaaaaaa ebg isnt over yet but im feelin a lil ack these days ehehhehehdhehdh so yeah #i feel like i havent rlly gotten much sabotages compared to my fellow mutuals who r playing JDUEWHIJWJS so ya just a rlly HUGE ty to u guys #it means a lot to me even if it prolly seems like smth small >< ✨ aaaaeeeeee #i prolly won't send sabotages as much anymore tho bcs i'm feeling tired now TvT wont elaborate but yes WHEEZEHWRWIDJSOSKAOSPAJDKANSOAO #nah idk maybe im just overhtinking again or wtvr i dunno man but just not feeling it rn again brrrrrrrrr #ill head to sleep b4 3 am !! yesterday was b4 5 so now will be b4 3 hopefully ehe #please Do Not perceive this post /nf /lh ODBWIDNWKDJSK now goodbye B) #dw later today when its actually proper morning or afternoon im sure ill be fine again B)) always am #tw vent ish #i hate feeling this way brrr i always try to focus on the good positive and happy but #yeah :') #if i start distancing myself again rirhwiwhdiehkde i'll most likely be fine so no need to worry at all abt me or wtvr ^^ #i doubt anyonr will even see or read this post (?) but if u need pls know i rlly genuinely do appreciate it jdhsjd ilysm aha :') 💖 #TvT i just bottle my feelings up a lot okay ORHRIEHEIEHKAJS and i feel like ive been doing that again for quite a long time so im just #kinda breaking rn again :') ill really be okay soon tho for sure 🫶🏼 #tw vent #im like 90% sure no one will even notice this so its fine if i just post this ya rhe

[mxnd-infxction]

mom said we can look for a new pair of capris for work because it’s too hot/humid for jeans anymore (sc moment)

gonna take this opportunity to get a sm4ll3r pair so not only will they fit right on my waist for once, but also m0t1v4t10n to l0s3 more 🤭

#ran into an abandoned cart and it lowk scared me bc i cant see shit over the totes #I was in the same fucking aisle too i was like OFCCCCC AUGH #idk why i still have the urge to like. act chill and whatnit around him even though he doesn’t like me back #its whatever tho idrc rn #pro for me not for thee #@nor3×14 #@na motivation #low cal restriction #model thin #a4a diary #4norexla

[rroundtable]

wish i could remove my brain to study shdjfkdl im so tired of this disorder being so needlessly confusing AAAUUGHHH

#the issue is that Nine and Andrew and Cal and now Chase(???) all have similar vibes (angsty he/hims SBDJDKL) #and Hunter is vaguely similar but he and Andrew are more similar bc they've got a younger softer vibe to them #and who the fuck knows whats going on with the Cal/Chase situation. are they the same person? two different ppl? #what happened to Cal from September? we just don't know! #i suspect the brain has done some shuffling around to deal with me being a suicide risk dbdhdjsl sobbing #so i think the Cal from September is either integrated and resplit into different formation or is dormant bc he's not needed rn #we need more angst driven parts rn to handle all this traumaaaaa ig fhjdsl i just hate it bc im terrified theyre going to drive ppl away #i was going to put this on my main but now its going here bc idk if i want everyone on main to see this on their dashes dhfjdkl #-juno #roundtable posts

[llumimoon]

i have the requests ive done queued up but im so tempted to just post them as I ago 😭

#cal rambles #im on request number 11 now btw LMAOOO #on that grind . ON THAT GRIND #rn lowest prioity is dndads requests (bc i assume the person already watches the podcast and would have voted glenn already) #but I WILL do those just probably after the poll is over #then its OC stuff (if a design rlly fucks with me i may move it up but also likely to be finished after the poll) #then its fandom stuff lol bc i can tag the fandom and lure other people in >:] #but i will get to as many of the requests as possible

[piplupod]

god I just want to sleep

#nightmares nightmares nightmares. constantly. #this is potentially the worst its ever been #i also just have a difficult time sleeping in general AND we got a new (old) mattress #to replace our 30+ yr old mattress we've had since we were tiny LOL #but this one feels less solid and hard so it's difficult to sleep. it's actually... bouncy #which is not great for us! because we're not used to it! #also everything is slightly adjusted because we don't have a bedframe rn (long story) so like sound and light is hitting us differently #we're fine to sleep in hotels and camps and whatnot but since its our own room the slight changes rly fuck w us #i just haven't slept well for ... three? four? nights now #and I've got sleep deprivation headache and eyes hurt a lot from being tired #maybe someone else can switch in to sleep tonight bc i cannot fucking do this again i think #cal's posts #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[reverack]

Any advice for a skinny boy who wants to follow in your footsteps and swell up real quick. Just nervous what friends and family might think 🤔

You HAVE to change ur mindset and just EAT

Speed depends on a persons genetics bc I didn’t mean to gain like 70 lbs in 4 months. Its all about your attitude. I get this question asked a lot and I always say “oh try to eat more than 5000 cal a day.” anyone can train to eat to that point but if you’re always self-conscious about what others think, then you’re always gonna go back to being skinny. People are gonna judge u regardless, you can have a shitty haircut and people will talk. Its your body and if you really want to be fat then you have to be confident in your decision.

I get tons of remarks from family, especially from my mom. I simply ignore or snap back bc i know being bigger feels so good and that i was miserable being skinny. I feel great, hot, and sexy rn. Gaining is really about self love. You are your own advocate

#fat gainer #get me fatter #ex twink #gay gainer #male gainer #overfed #weight gain #fat tummy #male bhm #bi gainer #askrev

[astrxealis]

tbh the main reason(s) as to why i rlly want to learn how to draw more is bcs ... self ships, my ffxiv wol/oc, yeah ?

HWHDUSHS it's not on the top of my list rn bcs i realized i want to properly learn guitar (for real, this time) + finish p5r ofc moreso, but thanks to my friends sjhfjejfjsjdkskd yeah <3 support <3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #by friends i mostly mean my irls bcs UWGWURHWJ my artist bff just like ??? ejdhduhsjsjs she said she wants to see #what my artstyle is like and LOEOEJDIA likeyeah a few of my friends yeah just really supportive ihmygoodjs i love em #ALSO YEAH my artist bff ??? HER ART IS SO NICE............... idk confidence boost for real :( also !! #cal HWQGJDHA im shy to uh kinda Call Out my friends like. not call out. but mention yall. butjehdjshfj seeing his art just makes me #idk im inspired to also try more n fo my best !!!!! EIHSUFHSJDJS YEAH but yeah its not my priority rn but >.< ♡ #✩.saved

[robs-corner-of-the-internet]

Dear friend,

if anyone is out there and reading this then hi! this is my little part of the world where i can talk about the stuff that i cant tell anyone about irl. My name is Rob and im 15 years old. Im anorexic, i also have depression, anxiety and adhd :D Fun ikr?/j. But yeah its a lot to deal w and i just needed somewhere to talk about it all and here we are.

Ive had ana for about 2 years now but ever since i moved to my mom its been good and bad periods. Right now you could say im in a "bad period", just meaning that i dont want to get better. Honestly I wish that i could be normal but i just got a scale and i cant imagine gaining weight and being able to see each kg i gain.. I also just get nauseous when i eat literally anything so i would rather not.

My depression also has good and bad periods and sometimes i just want to give up but i cant bc then i get behind on school work. Ive been feeling like im holding my head just above the water, waiting for someone to help me but no one ever does. That was awfully depressing but it really is true! Ive been getting worse and i even started hurting myself again. some days i get this overwhelming sad feeling and it consumes me until theres nothing i can do but cry, dissociate or hurt myself. The worst part is that this happens in school quite a lot and most times i go non-verbal too. I am just very exhausted and i want this all to be over soon. I wish that life was like a movie so that you could stop it and watch something else once in a while.

There is a lot of bad things to talk about but there is some good too! I have recently gotten into DnD for example. Its very fun but a lot to learn. I am going to be DM for a group of new players while i am as well a new player so its a bit scary. I am very excited about it still! Some of my other interests are reading, writing, listening to music, sleeping, observing, and musical theater/theater. I like mitski, rain, big theif, the cranberries, The perks of being a wallflower, Aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe, Dead poet society, smoking, and going on walks. some things about me are that i go to a waldorf school, i live in sweden, i have a gf (<33), im greyace, i acually have good grades (whatt:0), and basically my whole wardrobe is thrifted!

Anyways, back to the bad-ish stuff! Okay well this isnt all "bad" but i am going to be posting pro-for-me ana stuff cuz i need somewhere to share it all so here is some of that. cgw - 37kg (updated in bio) ugw - 35kg (or just basically as low as possible) lw - 37 cw - 38.3 (updated in bio) cbmi - 15.7 (updated in bio)

So rn im not acually counting my cals bc i feel that its easier to just not eat during the day and then if i really have to ill eat dinner (cuz of my mom). So far its working, i just wish i lived by myself. Everything would be so much easier.

Sorry this was a lot longer than i thought it would be:o Hope you enjoyed hearing a bit about mee and i hope ur having a good day/night<3

//Love always, Rob

#@na #th1n #boy ana #ed behaviour tw #ed meals #ed not ed sheeran #th1n$pø #ed vent #ed relapse #ed not sheeren #actually mentally ill #mental illness #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #sorry for being depressing

[sweet-enough-already]

!TW! LITERALLY JUST ME VENTING, I needed to put this out somewhere

I think I maintained this week when I was aiming to lose more or maybe even gained a few grams😭😭😭

I had a LOT of tests to study for and so I couldn’t fast cause I needed energy for my brain so I ate “healthy” IDKKKK aaaa plus I couldn’t walk to burn extra cals as much as usual bc of studying

I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would for not losing cause it was for a good reason but I feel like such a wann4r3xic rn bc of it :(((

bro i literally just want to reach 50kg already so I can start to go below 50 it’s supposed to be easy why isn’t it easy it’s usually so easy for me but NOW ITS NOT???? It’s been so hard this last week I feel so bad

I didn’t binge, cause I usually don’t ever do it, but I still counted and my cals were like 1500-1200 daily so I totally didn’t lose much + maybe even gained IDK or maybe I am just paranoid or definitely I am just paranoid

#tw ed but not sheeran #@na vent #tw 3d vent #⭐️rving #pro for me not for thee #tw ana bløg #tw 3d shit #tw edtwt #tw @na #tw ed not ed sheeren #tw ed trigger #4norexla #ed ednotsheeran restriction

[thestarinstarving]

helloooo. my morning weigh-in was kinda disappointing, i basically just maintained, but tbh its prob bc i was rlly close to my cal limit yesterday. oh well, im fasting today to fix it, im on 18.5 hrs rn. also drank some water before it so im gonna pray thats the extra weight

went to a store and walked around n completely ignored all the food, didnt give in to temptation and buy a pastry or smth. got myself a protein shake with 20g protein for only 134 cals!!

now i gotta get back to studying tho lol

#asterposting #ait diet day five #tw @na diary #tw @n@ #edd not ed sheeran #@tw edd #pro for me not for thee #⭐️ve