#because I believe it's wrong. and because I'm not going to compromise.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

being a pacifist is so hard because people will be reblogging memes like "reblog to kill the worst guy ever" and YOU FUCKING HATE THAT GUY. You hate them so much. you hate them so fucking much and you appreciate the spirit of other people hating them. But you just can't in good consciousness wish death on someone, even as a joke.

Like I fucking loathe BitchassDickLord3000 but I'm not going to be able to like to charge OR reblog to cast, dearest tumblr mutual. Because if there is literally any possible way BitchassDickLord3000 could be stopped (or reformed!) by literally anything, ANYTHING on the planet but death, then i'm not gonna be serving up poison in their dinner. I just don't think I should be able to kill people even if they're the worst. thanks

#i made a textpost #fuck these guys but i'd much rather imprision them for life then kill them. #solitary confinement has in some cases been listed as worse than death so if that's needed then I ALSO have to advocate for sun lighting #and a vr headset or garden or SOMETHING to keep them healthy. #even if i hate them. #like you have to understand I just...I can't torture or kill someone. not even our abusers. not because I don't want to but #because I believe it's wrong. and because I'm not going to compromise.

[wind-on-the-panes]

Anyway: racist, xenophobic USAmerican blocked. I deal with those every single day to keep getting annoyed at one here on Tumblr.

#i fully understand why some things are annoying to people #i am people. i get annoyed by stuff. #but saying THIS IS *OBJECTIVELY* *UNIVERSALLY* ANNOYING AND RACE AND GENDER AND CULTURE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT #is. racist. and. xenophobic. #because you're assuming that everywhere else is like your little whitewashed yard #and it's not #believe me USAmericans are so dull and strange to me. but i don't go telling them i'm right and they're wrong. #me being annoyed by others in their turf is a me problem #and in shared spaces YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE AND UNDERSTAND AND DEAL WITH EVENTUAL CONFLICTS #STOP IMPOSING YOUR ETIQUETTE WHEN YOU'RE DEALING WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT PLACES THAT'S LITERALLY RACISM.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I am not the asshole, and I think this whole thing is stupid, but I was promised that if I sent my side of things to this blog I could pick the hotel for our honeymoon, and I am marrying a man who once tried to take me BACKPACKING of all things, so this ask has become a necessity. In light of that:

AITA (I'm NOT) for planning the seating for our wedding in a logical way?

I got engaged in June, apparently in part because of my partner writing in to this blog (I don't know how to find or link to his posts, but I'm the man who got the cat to bite him, if that rings any bells?). At any rate, for the past ten weeks, I've been in the beginning stages of planning our wedding with my fiance, whom I have been secretly attempting to remove from the planning process as much as possible. I have ALREADY been given a list of his must-haves, and I AM incorporating as many of them as our budget allows. This has NOTHING to do with the emotional side of the event, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that this is an idiot with no real planning experience or taste who thinks he knows more than me.

For the most part, this has worked very well. I'm the one who's been collating all the contact information for things, so I just replaced all the emails for the tacky companies with false addresses, responded to his inquiries as the companies to say the date was already booked or the price was outside our budget, and let him filter his way to the ones I DO like on his own. I also made a fuss about being "willing to compromise" on the few things he's picked I'm completely fine with in the hopes I can use it to make him compromise later, and have been humming portions of the songs I want on the playlist in the hopes he'll think he came up with the idea to include them himself.

None of this is the real problem. The PROBLEM is that he is deliberately ruining my seating chart, by moving our horrible friend's seat when I'm not looking.

The man in question dated both of us at one point in our VERY early 20s (both ended BADLY), is generally the messiest person we know, and will almost certainly get sloppy drunk and try to make a speech IF he does make an appearance. I'm banking on the fact that he won't, because he's also ridiculously wealthy, and will almost certainly send us some very lavish gift in lieu of coming.

He is SUPPOSED to be sitting beside my fiances aunt, at the same table as his grandmother, his work friend, and her girlfriend, because all four of these women are stone cold terrors who I believe are more than capable of keeping him in line on the slim chance he does come. My fiance INSISTS they won't be able to have any fun if they're running interference all night, and keeps moving him to sit at the head table instead. You know, where WE are. I finally caught him switching the label magnets on my planning board last night, and confronted him.

I tried leveraging how much I've been compromising already, that he's almost certainly going to RSVP no, and that I shouldn't have to deal with him on our big night. My fiance said he knew about all the fake emailing and such, and told me, and I QUOTE: "Look, the mind game shit was hot when it was just about the colour scheme or whatever, but I actually care about this. So you can suffer with everybody else, or you can do the normal thing and not invite a guy you hate to our wedding, you weirdo."

I said that if I did that, it would take out half his groomsmen, he called me an asshole and said I should go explain this to "literally any rational adult" so they could tell me I was in the wrong, and now here we are.

Would you recommend calling my fiance's bluff, since he doesn't want the man sitting near us either? Or should I focus on ensuring he'll turn down the invitation no matter what, so the matter of where he WON'T be sitting can be a moot point?

What are these acronyms?

Original post

The update

#aita #am i the asshole #the saga of proposal anon

[inafever]

On how much Aziraphale has learned since season one:

This is about character development. Inside of a story, everything that happens, happens for a reason. It's meant to tell you something, to teach you or the character of your story, something.

So if the story continues and your character repeats the same mistakes again you know that they are bound to be doomed this time, and even worse the audience is going to certainly lose respect for them, cause they have made the same mistake twice, they haven't learned anything, they're gonna do it again another time, they don't deserve a happy ending. (yes I'm talking about good omens here) So you don't do that to a character that matters to you and you respect even the tiniest bit.

A Lot of us here are thinking that this is what has happened to Aziraphale's character at the end of season two, that he has done it again, repeated the same mistake again and has left Crowley to join heaven and it's been because of reasons like wanting to change Crowley (not true, see this post), still believing in heaven's goodness (not true at all), not being on the same page with Crowley (I'm gonna talk about this one especially in this post) and such likes. But these are the things he should've known better about after 6000 years and all the events that we've learnt about especially throughout season two. (It seems to be rather the whole point doesn't it?)

But we all seem to rather believe that he's made that mistake again nonetheless. so what we're doing here is trying to find reasons to justify the mistake and somehow make the reason behind the wrong actions something relatable to ourselves so we can forgive him when the time comes.

In fact I don't believe that he's made a mistake. for Aziraphale's character to be redeemable, what he has done, must be the only option that he's had for saving them both. I don't care what kind of situation could have resulted in him making this decision, but the only reason, the one and only reason, must be his love for Crowley. Otherwise it'll prove that he hasn't learnt his lessons or doesn't love Crowley enough to make a compromise, and in both cases, he's not worthy of love. He won't earn his happy ending by being tortured and feeling sorry and doing the apology dance for Crowley if he's hurt Crowley out of selfishness and stupidity again

But I'm sure he'll earn his happy ending and I'm sure he's learnt his lessons and it's too late for him to have unlearned them all in a matter of a few seconds. (He is an idiot but he's not stupid) and it's mostly because of this, that I believe the reason why he made that decision, must be very different from what it appears to be on the surface.

Anyway, this post is about what Aziraphale has learned and how he's changed.

I have made a post about their moments of conflict from both season one and two, it's here and you can look it up. This is where you begin to understand how Aziraphale has changed since season one because these are his dialogues after he's had a fight with Crowley in the bandstand, season one:

"even if I did know where the antichrist was I wouldn't tell you we're on opposite sides"

"friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don't even like you"

"there is no our side Crowley. Not anymore. It's over"

And then there's season two, when they disagree on what to do with Gabriel, Aziraphale is the one to point out that they both rely on the life they've built together

He's asking him to help him take care of Gabriel together and in response Crowley leaves

In the final scene he asks Crowley to come back to heaven

"work with me" "We can be together as Angels, Doing good" "I need you."

He says anything he can think of literally to convince him to stay with him and it doesn't work

We start from "we're not friends" and arrive at "work with me. we can be together"

Even if we don't know the reason why he's insisting on taking Crowley back to heaven with him, this is an Angel that has picked up the pace. That wants them to be an us. No matter what.

But these are only a few dialogues. I think there's more than that. I think the show in five and a half episodes (out of six) has tried its hardest to make the point quite clear about how Aziraphale feels about Crowley (or how strongly he feels those emotions). all through the way he looks at him and through his gestures and soft touches from time to time

I'm gonna make another post of those moments separately and I'm gonna link it to this when I do.

update: (here's the post. not just average moments of Aziraphale looking cute, it's something about the way he looks at him)

And I'd like to even compare those wishful glances to some of those from season one, but I can't, cause they are nonexistent in there.

#remember season two is a test of faith guys #we're the job in this one #neil liked this #good omens #good omens 2 #gos2 spoilers #good omens spoilers #gos2 #good omens season 2 #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #gomens #gomens 2 #neil gaiman #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens season two #good omens thoughts #good omens analysis #good omens meta #gos2 theory

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

I’m not gonna lie I actually really loved this season AND the fact that they went this way with Wilhelms character. Because I do think doing otherwise would be the easier choice. It is harder as a viewer to realize that a character you love comes from a place of privilege and aren’t just magically free from their upbringing by falling in love with someone from another standing. Do I understand why people don’t like this choice? Sure! But personally I’m really happy with it. Also just another note, this season in particular (or what we have got so far) feels very scandinavian to me. Like the plot and angst and how the writers choose to go about it. Both good and bad.

I really liked this season! I really liked what they did with every character... except Felice. I might be alone in that one, though, and maybe after a few rewatches I'll feel differently.

BUT YES.

Showing Wilhelm still being selfish and privileged was important. It was also important to show Simon really not understanding that his life is changing because of Wilhelm.

While Wilhelm continues to try to control everything and act on his privilege without consequence, Simon is still trying to be an activist and show his "fuck the monarchy" attitude. These things can coexist but not without balance, which neither of them are willing to provide. Because they are literally children.

Wilhelm tries to change Simon by censoring him until he is fit for the crown. Simon tries to change Wilhelm by asking him to take a stand on things that he (Wille) doesn't believe he is allowed to. And neither of them are talking about how they really feel about it because they both start to panic. Because of this, neither of them is willing to change, either.

But they do give in. They do compromise with each other, while not in the best way.

Neither of them can magically change because they have fallen for someone of another standing. It isn't all Wilhelm's fault nor all Simon's fault. Like everything else, it's both of them.

Their joint stubbornness to keep things exactly as they think they should be is what made them have such a rocky relationship. Both of them have a predisposition for how they believe their life and their lover should be and both of them are wrong because they aren't taking in the other's idea.

I really really love this season, actually. I'm excited to see how it ends. I know people are nervous about endgame, but I'm really not.

#ask #anon #young royals #yr s3 spoilers #yr s3 #young royals analysis

[pinguwrites]

Drabble: William fakes a PTSD nightmare

pairing | william killick x reader

Warnings: william being manipulative/possesive/controlling/kinda creepy, mention of PTSD trauma, implied to take place years after WWII, baby boy nickname, lowkey forgot how his house looks like

A/N: Ugh I've literally been so busy I can't believe I managed to get this out. I'm planning to get a long-length fic out but for now here's a drabble

The wind howled outside, sharp and loud, as the trees rustled against the wood of the house. The atmosphere was bitter and tense, the air cold and the silence thick.

William didn’t dare apologize, and as it seemed, you had no plans to as well. He was by no means content to sleep on the couch, missing the warmth your body provided, but he wasn’t sorry for what he did. He wasn’t sorry for his possessive nature. He was only controlling you because he was trying to keep you safe, couldn’t you see that? And the way you demanded more freedom earlier today — like that was something you needed. You were being completely unreasonable.

But still, you were stubborn. William knew that this wasn’t going to blow over until a few more days, and by then he’d be forced to make some compromises. If only the whole thing had never happened . . . He would be in your arms, held by you, cared for, and loved again.

If only he had a nightmare like he usually did on stormy days like this. You would forget everything, start cooing him, comforting him, and being a good wife.

And that was when it hit him — you would never know the difference. He could fake it! He could fake it and then everything would go back to normal. There was absolutely nothing stopping him, and it wasn’t wrong to do. The distant thunder did remind him of bombs, and the reminder did take him back to Greece. It was only now that he was better at controlling it, at not letting these minuscule things take him back to that hell.

William got up and walked towards the bedroom, leaning against the wall, watching you sleep. Your chest rose and fell slightly, your hair slowly falling across your forehead until it finally rested over your face. It was a beautiful sight. Sometimes, while you were asleep and he was awake, he would sit upright in bed and just watch you.

My darling girl. The love of my life. Why do you have to be so difficult?

William put on his best performance. He pouted his lips slightly, forcing tears to well up in his eyes. He tried his best to look like a wounded dog.

Before he even called your name, you woke up. Immediately noticing the dark figure standing by your door, you gasped, but when you recognized it as William, you got rather annoyed.

“What is it, William?” you asked groggily.

William shivered. “I—I dunno. I’m sorry — you always told me I could come to you . . . whenever it happened.” He let some tears fall. “I just got so scared. I thought — I thought I was back there, and . . . and.” He paused. “I’m sorry, I’ll go. I’ll go.”

“William,” you said softly, shaking your head with a look of pity on your face. “Darling, come here.”

William didn’t hesitate. He crawled into bed with you, wrapping the blanket which smelled like your perfume around his body. The tears dribbled down his chin, and he sniffled, snuggling his head in the crook of your neck.

“I’m sorry — it’s just, you were there. In the dirt, with all the other bodies. I couldn’t protect you,” he babbled.

“Shh,” you whispered. “I’m right here, baby boy. I’m not going to die. Can you feel me? Here.” You placed his hand on your chest, right above your breast. Your heart thumped, and he could feel it.

William was almost surprised that you had been fooled so easily, but also heartened. Your care for him outweighed any suspicion. It was at that moment that he knew things would be alright. You were going to forgive him.

"I-I can feel it."

William snuck his hand a bit lower, on your breast, and cupped it a little bit. Maybe you were too sleepy or just didn't mind, but you didn't move his head away, and instead let it rest there.

"I'm sorry about the argument," he said softly, after a while. "I just . . . what would my life be if you are not in it? What kind of husband would I be if I didn't protect you as best I can?"

You were quiet. Then, "Okay, Will. I'll stop visiting my friends so often. And I won't go past the property line without telling you . . . I know you only want to keep me safe."

William let out a sigh of relief and affectionately nuzzled his nose against your shoulder. "Thank you, my love."

He was a bit afraid that you would change your mind, so the moment he got what he wanted, he pretended to doze off into sleep, his breathing becoming more rhythmic and patterned.

"Will?" You shook him slightly. "Have you . . . ? Oh, it's alright. Rest." You kissed him on his forehead, leaving a wet mark. "Sweet thing," you murmured, before you yourself drifted off into sleep.

Taglist: @mrkdvidal1989 @slut4thebroken @qqquartz7 @madeinuk @flwrs4aust @httpxgray

#william killick #william killick x reader #william killick x you #william killick x y/n #cillian murphy #fanfiction #the edge of love #pinguwrites

[apenitentialprayer]

i know that as a catholic you just have to believe with what the church says but i really dont like the belief of the original sin, i feel like its such a horrible thing to believe about yourself and about other human beings too

There are actually ways of legitimately dissenting from less essential Church teachings in a way that leaves you in good standing with the Church; I'm not sure if Original Sin is one of those things, though, to be honest.

But, anon, I'm going to offer another perspective here, starting from a quote (perhaps ironically?) from my favorite heretic. One of the things that James Carroll believes is that Original Sin has been given a bad wrap. In Constantine's Sword, he says:

I referred to Augustine’s assertion of the idea that the human condition implies a perennial state of finitude, weakness, and sin, all of which will be overcome, even for the Church, only with the end of time. [...] Augustine is thus regarded as the father of a severe, flesh-hating, sin-obsessed theology, but that dark characterization misses the point of his insight. His honest admission of the universality of human woundedness is a precondition for both self-acceptance and the forgiveness of the other, which for Augustine always involved the operation of God’s grace, God’s gift. Only humans capable of confronting the moral tragedy of existence, matched to God’s offer of repairing grace, are capable of community, and community is the antidote to human woundedness. Augustine sensed that relationship as being at the heart of God, and he saw it as being at the heart of human hope, too. This is a profoundly humane vision.

I wish I had understood the spirit of this quote when I was in high school. I remember learning in my World History class that Islam teaches that all children are born good, and then the world makes them evil. And I remember my teacher asking how that compares with Christianity, and I raised my hand and said that Christianity teaches that all of us are born evil. Because I believed that at the time. And, really, the whole framing of that question was wrong and gave really simplistic representations of what Islam and Christianity teaches, but I don't think we're alone in having internalized that understanding, anon. And that's a shame.

I thin it's important to remember the worldview that the doctrine of Original Sin is actively defending us against; there was an idea, that gets called "Pelagianism" (the poor guy it got named after may not even have believed it), that said that humans were capable of being saved on their own, by their own power. Someone on this site recently asked what people's thoughts on Pelagianism were, so you can read my thoughts here. But to keep it short and sweet, I think Original Sin is an important doctrine because it saves you from the need to be perfect.

There are ways to treat Original Sin that I think are certainly unhealthy, and I think the doctrine can be a source of anxiety and fear. But I also think, very deeply, that Original Sin should be a reason why we treat ourselves and especially our neighbor with kindness and understanding. I can look at myself and say "What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate. […] For I do not do the good that I want, but I do the evil I do not want" (Romans 7:15, 19). And I can say that because I know I am ontologically wounded; that all of us have our weaknesses. That while we may still be in the moral wrong for committing a morally wrong action, our wills are compromised in a way that causes us to incline towards the comfortable and the easy rather than the good.

I wish I could go back in time and tell that class that Christianity does not teach that people are born evil. I wish I could go back and tell them that it teaches that we are born in a state of dis-integration, that we are wounded beings yearning for wholeness; alienated beings seeking everlasting belonging; beings lost in darkness, seeking the light. But I can say it now: the doctrine of Original Sin doesn't have to be an occasion to think you're depraved and without value, but it can be an invitation to come to terms with your own woundedness, because doing that (to use the words of Lutheran theologian Nancy Eiesland) "opens a space for the inflowing of grace and acceptance."

#Christianity #Catholicism #Original Sin #James Carroll #asks #Saint Augustine #Pelagianism #grace #Epistle to the Romans #sin #weakness #Lutheranism

[chaosxcrushed]

There's a certain CCCC summary video that we really, really like. We think it is a great video for people if they want to grasp the story more clearly, if they're confused, or if they're listening to the album for the first time.

That video being Chonny Jash and the Weight of the Mind on Youtube by W3tBl@nk3t. We think they cover it really well.

However, I'm sharing this for a different reason; they say few certain things that really struck with us until now, that I'd like to share with the fandom. Sometimes, we see people really just.. Miss the point of CCCC entirely, and I'd like to shine a light on what was said here. If you'd like to hear this for yourself on video, the timestamp is 35:57-36:45.

“..I bet we all could relate to that, they are the prime example of the side of you that suffers and the side of you that hates yourself for suffering:

The side of you that just wants to slow down and feel everything even to the unhealthy extent of not being able to do anything else(1), but also the side of you that so desperately wants you to get over it(2).

Sure, laying in bed all day every day to rot isn't healthy, but neither is boiling things down and invalidating your own emotions. Both are paths to inevitable disaster, and that's what Chonny is doing here. Keep in mind that the idea behind this album is being whole, and that means neither of these sides are entirely in the right or the wrong; this album is about inner compromise and acceptance(3).”

1.) The side of you that suffers; Heart. He is representative of Whole's emotions, he holds them. Your emotions can go haywire, especially when one's mentally ill and has no way of their feelings being validated. An emotional person like Heart suffers under the weight of crushing, devastating feelings. He wants to feel things out, have time to just process everything, even if it takes them days or weeks to get over it. It's not healthy, but feeling is what he does, and he wants to help because he knows he has importance. Solely focusing on just your emotions isn't the best thing to do, however.

2.) The side of you that so desperately wants you to get over it; Mind. Many people have been there, have wanted themselves to stop wallowing in their own emotions and just do something else, even to the point where you think feeling things out is unnecessary. This is also unhealthy, but not intentionally. Like Heart, Mind just wants to help, everything he does is in best interest. This is what he thinks will get them to move on the quickest; to leave behind emotions and focus on anything BUT that. Also not the best thing to do.

3.) This album is about inner compromise and acceptance; About being whole. Neither of Heart and Mind are right nor wrong. They have their own ways of doing things, of what they think will help their whole self out the most, but both are unhealthy despite the good intentions. They fight over who's wrong or right, when they shouldn't even be doing so in the first place. It's your thoughts against your emotions, basically; your feelings contradict your thoughts, and it leads to an inner war of sorts. This won't make things better, which is why you can't have Mind over Heart or vice versa; you'll need both of them. In the album, they are only able to be whole when they get along. They harmonize, they 'combine', they see eye to eye with each other and work together instead of fighting over and over. Inner compromise is achieved with this, and acceptance can lead them away from any disaster that there's to come.

What we're trying to say is that mental health is a large thing tackled within CCCC, and yet we see a lot of people who overlook it; thus, end up missing the point of the whole album. We see a lot of people believe Mind's perspective a little too much and treat Heart quite harshly, or the other way where people demonize Mind and say that Heart is perfect, when it's not really that in the slightest.

This is not a hate post towards people's interpretations of CCCC or how they view characters, I'm just saying that people can tend to overlook what's in the very narrative, and we see a concerning amount of people do such.

Anyways. Stream CCCC and put your Hearts and Minds in the get along shirt. Have a nice day.

#chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cccc #cccc heart #cj heart #cccc mind #cj mind #mind chonny jash #heart chonny jash #I did not mention Soul once in this post. I am so sorry to all of the Soul enjoyers #whole was technically mentioned but this is not about him. so sorry to the Whole enjoyers as well #we rreally really really like this CCCC video #a lot #it does a great job at explaining things and is fairly good for an unbiased telling of the story #to reiterate though this is not a hate post #it's just a bit frustrating to see how many people say that mind is right or heart is right #but no.. that is not the point of cccc #and it's even in tse as well. the line 'neither is right yet neither is wrong' #personally we are big fans of heart and will defend him since he gets so mischaracterized #but we know and acknowledge that he isn't 100% correct and can be wrong for what he wants to do and has done #we love Heart but he did not have to pull that gun. #also. more justice for characters who make mistakes but aren't automatically super evil because they're just human. #we've seen how people lack that understanding in the fandom </3 #hmsw are so incredibly flawed in a relatable way with such good writing #we feel like people overlook that so much #this post was scary to make but #we're doing it #here goes #CxC rambling and yapping #we haven't posted purely text posts in a while please don't come for our heads c4 fandom

[messedupfan]

The Hope of a Free World: The Tribute

Summary: In this version of the story, you were the one chosen to go into the Hunger Games to help carry out the plan.

A/n: So a little explanation here. You do not have to read both "The Mentor" and "The Tribute" but you do have to read "The Setup." This is sort of my version of a Choose Your Own Adventure because I saw this going both ways when the request was made. You are absolutely welcome to read both versions of the story, but thought I'd let y'all know that you don't have to. I also forgot to warn y'all before but I'm a huge Everlark fan. If you stan Everthorne, not the fic for you.

Warnings: Violence, mentions of suicide, alcoholism, drug abuse, mentions of forced prostitution, rebellion, mentions of torture.

Masterlist | The Prologue | All Stories Taglist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the announcement of the Third Quarter Quell declared that the tributes would be pulled from the existing pool of victors, you were itching for a drink. No, you were itching for the drug you take when you have to entertain a client you don’t like. You wanted to feel numb. You didn’t want to think about having to experience the anxiety of a reaping once again. You’ve only been a victor for four years. It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

You had tuned in only to vote on the dress for Katniss Everdeen to wear for her upcoming nuptials. Not to find out that you have a chance at dying in the arena again.

You don’t alter your mind to escape the harsh realities. As much as you want to. You made promises to take better care of yourself. Especially after almost revealing your secrets to the wrong person while in a drunken stupor. As soon as the broadcast is over, Finnick storms into your house and pulls you out. You can hear Annie’s cries from the house they shared. It was the only home in the Victor’s Village that had all of its hidden recording devices removed. He threw you on the couch as he began to pull on his hair and mutter to himself. “Mags,” he left and returned with the older woman a few minutes later. That was everyone he could trust in the district. 

Finnick doesn’t say anything coherent at first, mostly muttering to himself as his girlfriend is hysterical. He gives Annie a heavy dose of sleep syrup and he carries her to bed when it kicks in. “It’s better if she remains in the dark,” he says as he sits in front of you and Mags. She was a sweet woman, she didn’t deserve this unfair ruling for the Games either. She shouldn’t have to go through a reaping. “Mags already knows this but I haven’t been transparent with you about the rebellion. This is happening because we’re trying to free the districts.” 

“How do you plan to do that from inside the arena? Do you realize how unfair this is for those teenagers that won last year? They just got out!” You stand up, upset on their behalf. “Katniss is the only female tribute for that district! Did the rebels think about that when deciding to throw us back in there?” 

“We decided that it was in everyone's best interest that she returned to the Games,” Finnick stated calmly. 

“I find it hard to believe that girl agreed to that,” you scoffed with a scowl. 

“She doesn’t know anything about the rebellion,” he admits. “She doesn't know about any of this and for her safety, it's best that she doesn't.” 

You shake your head. You don't understand how knowing nothing keeps people safe. It looks like it's putting people in dangerously compromising positions. “Like you said I was better off I don't know anything either! Why are you even telling me about this?” 

“Sit down,” Mags demands and even with how fired up you are, you do as she says. She hardly ever demanded anything, so you respect when she does. “Listen,” she points to Finnick and with a huff, you nod. 

“I'm telling you this because I need you to be the one to go into the Games. Mags will go in as well because she is loved by so many.” Finnick maintains eye contact with you as he tells you the plan and the reason. “People in the Capitol don't care about random tributes because they don't know them. They don't see them as people until they win. They think they know us. They claim to love us. Well, we're going to make them question everything.” 

“I still don't think it's fair for Katniss and Peeta. They have worked too hard to just be thrown back in.” You shake your head. 

“You don't get it,” Finnick says as he leans closer. “Katniss is the face of this thing. What she did with those berries was inspiring. The Capitol tried to trick her and she refused to play that game. She has to be put back in there. We're hoping that Peeta doesn't land in there again, but according to Haymitch that boy is going to be determined to go. He says it's up to Effie for that one.” 

“Is Effie a part of it too?” You ask. Finnick shakes his head. “But Haymitch is,” you ask as you try to put the prices together. He nods. “Why do you want me to go into the arena?” 

“We are going to need your help to get them out of the arena. I was going to do it but with Annie… I can't risk her getting caught by Snow. I know how to get us out of there.” Finnick says with pleading eyes. 

You nod in understanding. “I have people I care about too,” you remind him. 

“Don't worry about Wanda. She can handle herself,” he says vaguely. You don't say it, but that confirmed your suspicion that she was part of it. You couldn't believe it. There really was a rebellion. The only question was whether or not you were willing to risk your life for the cause. You look at sweet old Mags, who has already committed to the cause. There was no guarantee she'll survive long enough to see the plan through. She had to have known that. This woman possibly only had a few more good years in her and the fact that was willing to sacrifice that, helped you make your decision. 

“I'm in,” you state. 

At the reaping you stood tall and confident as you think about the last night you spent with Wanda. It wasn’t an easy arrangement, as many of your clients were hoping for a last visit with you, but she was able to get you to the Capitol a few weeks before the reaping. After that night with Finnick, the two of you trained together everyday leading up to the reaping. The pair of you were already in shape but it had been ten years since Finnick was in the Games. Neither of you has had to fight since your respective times in the arena. He might not be going into the Games but he was going to need to be ready to fight when he officially became a soldier for District 13. Your head nearly spun off your neck when he confirmed that the district was alive and well. 

“Y/n Y/l/n,” the escort, Dove, reads solemnly. She had been the district's escort for the past four years, you were her only victor and the two of you had respect for each other. You stood forward, no one was going to volunteer in your place. You knew that.

“Annie Cresta,” despite knowing the plan, it shook you to your core to hear her name being called again. She had already had major setbacks since the announcement. You can't imagine what this is going to do for her. Mags promptly volunteers in her place and the three of you are off to the Capitol to prepare for the Games. 

“3… 2… 1!” As soon as the gun goes off, you jump in the water and swim to the center of the arena. You climb onto the platform and grab a trident as fast as you can. But as you do so, Katniss has an arrow pointed at you. 

You hold up your wrist to show her the bracelet of golden flames. “It's a good thing we're allies, right?” You state with a smirk. You were reluctant when they brought you the bracelet. You didn't want to go in there without your medallion but when Finnick offered to give it to Wanda, you felt more comfortable going in with the bracelet. You did after all have to gain Katniss's trust. 

She scowls at you, not dropping the arrow pointed at your chest. “Where did you get that?”

“Where do you think?” Flash from District 5 comes up behind her. “Duck,” you warn her before throwing your trident at the jerk that used to make crude comments about Wanda. You couldn't do anything about it at the time. But you weren't going to be haunted by this death. You gave Katniss directions to find Peeta and Mags as you pulled your weapon out of the body and tossed him into the water. Looking around the arena, you tried to find the tree that Finnick stressed to you how important it was. It was difficult to know which tree he was talking about because the first part of your task being difficult enough. You swear that Snow might’ve offered extra incentives and put a target on Katniss and Peeta.   

Even with the poison fog that took Mags life and the killer monkey’s that nearly killed you and the assets, you didn't regret agreeing to put yourself in this unpredictable hell hole until the jabberjay hour. You followed Katniss when she heard her sister screaming for her to make sure that she never left your sight. The both of you were relieved for a split second seeing that it was only the bird. But the history of the bird caused your heart to drop as soon as you heard Wanda crying out for you. No. How could he know? 

“Wanda!” You couldn't stop yourself from calling out to her in fear that she was dumped in the arena or worse. 

“Y/n, it's just a jabberjay! It's not real,” Katniss tried to remind you in your panic. 

“Jabberjays copy, Katniss!” You shouted back at her as you kept your eyes in the sky. “Where do you think they got that sound?” More birds appeared. More voices calling out to her than for you. For you it started with Wanda then Annie was added as well as Finnick. For an hour, you and Katniss sat together hearing tortured cries of loved ones trying to convince yourselves it wasn't real. Peeta sat desperately on the other side of the forcefield trying to ground Katniss to reality. 

When it was over, you sat in the water to comfort yourself. It was something you were used to doing back in District 4. You needed to get out of there. You were done playing these games. You needed to be in Wanda's arms, not in here babysitting. 

The plan was difficult to execute when the time came because Katniss and Peeta still didn’t trust you or Johanna. Granted, separating the two so close to the end did seem a little suspicious. But neither of them knew that they needed to have their trackers cut out and there wasn’t a way to tell them. You and Johanna knew what had to be done. You should have been prepared for Peeta to run when heard a cannon go off. Despite trying to convince him that it wasn’t a cannon for Kantinss. Peeta ran away from you before you could cut out his tracker. You looked at Beetee for too long to make the decision to run after the boy because by the time you started chasing him, it was already too late. He was gone. “Shit,” you hissed under your breath. 

You kept on searching for him but it was difficult in the dark. It was too close to midnight and if Beetee was able to fry the system on time, you needed to make sure Peeta was untraceable to the Capitol. When you couldn't find him you started to look for Johanna and Katniss in the hopes that he found them. In the time you’ve gotten to know him, it was abundantly clear to you how much he truly loved Katniss. You thought the puppy love was cute until it disrupted the plan.

“Johanna!” You shouted into the jungle but you were met with silence. So you kept running. But the arena was still active and you didn't want to end up stuck in the wrong hour. You needed to be close to the lightning tree. So you made your way back. Hoping that the rest of them were there as the agreement was to meet back at the tree. 

They needed to be there. 

Instead, you only found Katniss with her bow drawn. This was not going according to plan. Thunder began to warm the arena that the lightning was about to strike the tree they had wrapped with a wire. The fake plan was they were going to use it to electricute the other tributes by putting one end of the wire in the water. So that when the lightning struck the tree, the electricity would run through and kill anyone that was on the beach or hiding in the water. The real plan was that Beetee was supposed to throw a spear into the forcefield that kept everyone trapped in the arena and destroy it. Giving the rebels enough time to rescue the tributes inside. 

“Remember who the real enemy is!” You shout as Katniss still holds her aim at you. Haymitch told you to say that to her just in case she tried to kill you. He claimed it would help. You can't tell from the distance but Katniss develops a plan herself as she quickly wraps the wire around her arrow as lightning starts to shine from the thunder clouds. You're about to warn Katniss to get away from the tree when Peeta tackles you from behind. 

The lightning struck the tree as she let the arrow fly and you wrestled with Peeta. With a knife you tried to take the tracker out of his arm but the blast caused him to fly backwards. He had hit you pretty hard when you were beneath him. It made you dizzy when you tried to walk and find him. Pieces of the arena came crashing down making it impossible to get to him safely. You had to accept your failure in the mission as you cut out your own tracker. You screamed in agony as you dug out the small piece of technology and crushed it between two rocks. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the unmarked hovercraft come in to collect everyone. You made your way closer to where Katniss laid to ensure your rescue. 

That’s when a branch broke off and knocked you to the ground. 

The actual revolution was slow moving because the face of the rebellion was indisposed. Being traumatized by arena’s one after the other had a major part in why she would scream in the middle of the night. Finding out about her home district being completely obliterated because of her actions, weighed heavy on her shoulders. It didn’t help that Johanna hit her so hard in the head with the coil of wire befe she removed the girl’s tracker. Knowing Johanna she would probably claim it was the only way but you also knew that she found Katniss irritating. Johanna is not one to give up an opportunity when it presents itself. Unfortunately, that gave Katniss the ability to constantly be heavily medicated in order to heal. The medications had side effects. One of them being hallucinations. You knew because you had to deal with it yourself in the first few months after being rescued. 

The only bright side of it all was that you had been successful in acquiring both assets. So at night when Katniss would scream her head off and disrupt everyone’s sleep, it was Peeta who was the only person that had been able to get her to stop. He would sneak out of his room and slip into hers. After a few minutes, the only sounds that would be heard throughout the infirmary were the steady beats of the heart monitors. He always snuck back into his room before the hospital staff did their morning rounds. 

You were envious of them. Not everyone that needed to make it out did. For the arena, Johanna as well as a few of the other remaining tributes had been taken by the Capitol. You could only imagine what they were doing to her there. Whatever it was, she didn’t deserve it. Outside of the arena, the list of those that couldn’t escape was worse. They captured Wanda. 

The way Finnick explained it, someone must have tipped off the Peacekeepers about their plans to escape. A swarm of white armor came after them and Finnick and Haymitch wouldn’t have made it out were it not for her sacrifice. She held the Peacekeepers off of them long enough for them to get out. Neither of the men could confirm whether or not she was still alive. Last you heard, the Capitol spies they still had didn’t have an answer either. 

You hoped that they would show her on a broadcast the way they showed Johanna a couple of times. Wanda was a popular interviewer. Not as popular as Caesar Flickerman, but she was popular enough to make a comfortable living. Popular enough that her disappearance wouldn’t go unnoticed. All you could do was hope that they would broadcast her at some point.

As much as you wanted to hate Finnick for losing her in the midst of the escape, you couldn’t. Annie was amongst those captured by the Capitol. He went a little mad when he got the news. He was also in the infirmary because of a failed suicide attempt. You didn’t think his mental state was that bad until you heard his screams, begging the doctors to let him die.

When you finally got well enough to walk around and move out of the infirmary, you still spent a lot of time there. It started with visiting Finnick, tying knots together. He was only allowed a short rope to prevent him from hanging himself with it. He only spoke once to let you know, “I wish they were dead. Annie and Wanda. And I wish we were too.” You couldn’t disagree. Anything was better than the mental torment of not knowing what is happening to them. Of not being able to protect them from the horrors. 

Instead of allowing the mental images keep you down and eat you alive, you use it as a motivator. The second you were cleared for training, you worked ten times harder than everyone there. It wasn’t a difficult adjustment because your father had you enrolled in the Hunger Games training academy when you were eight years old. It was intensive training. In fact you found the District 13 military training to be light work comparativly. Which allowed you to excel. While your fellow victors wasted away in the infirmary, you got stronger and better. Because if your Wanda is dead, you weren’t going to let her death be in vain. You were going to make certain that it meant something. 

Eventually, you got fed up waiting for Katniss and Peeta to get over themselves and get to work so you started to visit with them when you weren’t training. Which was difficult at first. Every morning there was a strict schedule printed on your forearm. Every minute was accounted for in the day. It wasn’t until you had a chat with Haymitch and Plutarch that you were able to get time allotted for the visitations in exchange for filming propaganda, or propos as Plutarch nicknamed them, and getting the Mockingjay out of the infirmary. 

They wanted you to focus on Peeta first. Haymitch said he was the one out of the two that was easier to work with. That he would be more willing to help with the cause. Outside of his low list of injuries, Peeta had it pretty rough. Unlike Katniss, his parents and his brothers didn’t make it out of District 12 in time. Leaving him orphaned. He was wallowing in his grief for longer than you think he should have. The only time he ever got out of bed was when Katniss needed him at that’s it. You were frustrated as you tried to redirect his sorrow into a fire that will burn down the Capitol and all of its corruption. You understood his pain better than most. But he needed to understand why he needed to get to work so that the person responsible for his losses can be held accountable. But it was clear there was something, or more accurately someone, that could snap him into action. 

Katniss was also a piece of work in your opinion. The first time you tried to talk to her about attending a strategy meeting, she had you removed from her room. You knew that you couldn’t convince her by treating her like a fish when using a spear. You had to be more patient. You had to think of it as waiting for a fish to get caught on your hook. But patience was difficult when is came to Katniss. She didn’t have the same excuses that Peeta used. She had her sister, her mother, and the boy that was publicly known as her cousin. Unless the rumors of District 12 having an incest problem are true, you don’t believe that he is her cousin with the way you’ve seen him moon over her. There are rumors that she is conflicted between the two and you don’t know why she wastes time fooling herself into thinking she can’t choose between him and Peeta. 

You’ve gotten to know Gale a bit in training and because you live in the corridor where unmarried individuals are given living quarters, you have seen him slipping out of girls' rooms most nights. He might have feelings for the girl on fire, but he definitely isn’t waiting around for her to commit to him. You were team Peeta all the way, you liked the baker better than the hunter. He was much kinder. Plus, you and Gale tended to butt heads a lot when you started to visit Katniss because of what you know about him. 

One incident in particular secured your low opinion of him. You were visiting Katniss during the lunch hour. You had her tray of food along with yours because you intercepted it from the nurse that was supposed to bring it to her. 

“You have to make a choice, Katniss. Him or me?” Gale demanded. The poor girl was pulling on her hair when you pressed the button to open the door. “Do you mind? We’re having a-”

“You’re done here,” you said in a firm tone as you stood tall. Gale’s frown deepened as he continued to glare at you. “It’s not a request, it’s an order.” Gale knew that you outranked him and since he had just been demoted – he prevented Commander Boggs from stopping Katniss from storming out of the first meeting she attended – he knew he couldn’t push his boundaries with you. He didn’t even possess a communicuff anymore. 

With a heavy sigh, he glanced at you and then Katniss before he stormed out. You whistled, “That guy is a piece of work.” You set her tray on the table that hovered over her bed when positioned properly. The meals had no flavor but they were nutritious and filling. Designed to keep their citizens, or soldiers as you referred to them, healthy. It wasn’t great but it was still better than what the Capitol ever did for its districts. 

“He saved my family,” she muttered as she sat up to eat her meal. You scoffed. 

“Katniss, I protected your life the entire time we were in the arena,” you started, “Are you in love with me?” She chewed her food slowly before she silently shook her head. You’re surprised that she actually had to think about it. Teenagers, you thought to yourself as you got situated in your seat to start eating with her. “Hell, I gave Peeta mouth to mouth and saved his life. Has he come in here in the middle of the night and told you that he was confused about me?” You asked and didn’t miss when her cheeks flushed. Even through everything, she still had a purity to her. You’re happy that Snow never got the chance to rob her of that. 

“No,” she whispered. 

“There you go,” you stated and sat back and reflected for a moment before continuing. “You don’t owe me or anybody else anything, Katniss. I hope you know that.” She stared directly at you for a bit after you said that. It was the first time you really got to see how young she was. You knew she was young but through all of her brave actions and the makeup they caked onto her for interviews, you couldn’t really see it. No one could. That was part of the problem with the Hunger Games and the Capitol lifestyle. “Eat before your slop gets cold,” you pointed at her tray with your spork. “Trust me, you think it’s bad warm. You don’t want to have it cold.” 

She moves the food around before taking another bite. “I want to hunt,” it was the first time she expressed something you could use. 

“Tell you what,” you said as you finished your food. “You pass your health exams and I will personally arrange a hunting day for you. But I don’t think they will let you keep the game.” 

She shrugged, “I don’t mind that. I think it’ll be good to do something.”

“It’s a deal then,” you said while collecting her empty tray. You held your free hand out to her and she shook it. That began the small tradition of the two of you making small deals with each other each day. The both of you always fulfilled your promises to each other. She moved out of the infirmary at the end of the next week and into the living quarters with her mom and sister. In the middle of the week after, you arranged for her and Peeta to visit District 12. To remind them who the real enemy was. 

You opted to stay in the hovercraft in the air. Gale did the same, unfortunately. He kept trying to join her but she’d put him in his place. You were proud. Katniss came back from her mansion with, amongst other belongings, an ugly cat that she claimed was the apple of her sister's eye. You encouraged her to make her own demands with President Coin when she asked you if it will be a problem to have Buttercup with them in 13. 

Which she did. She included immunity for those captured by the Capitol and you thanked her after the announcement with a visit with Beetee. She had no idea what she did for you with that condition. In the lab, Beetee presented her with a special bow designed for her along with a small selection of special arrows. One type lights with flames and catches its target on fire. Another was explosive. And lastly, there were arrows that were charged with an electric current strong enough to give its victim a heart attack no matter where the arrow pierced them. She only needed the plain ones to hunt. 

Your propos were still the only ones being broadcast but they weren’t nearly as inspiring or as exciting as Katniss could be with the right motivation. However, they seemed to cause enough of a stir that after helping Katniss deliver a couple of heavy elks to the kitchen, you finally see Wanda on the screen for the first time in months. She’s alive, was your first thought. 

Your heart nearly stopped at the sight. She was skinnier than before. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in weeks. She had on her vibrant red wig and heavy makeup as well as a ridiculous outfit. Something she’d never have as part of her wardrobe. You went from sharing a laugh with Katniss to nearly falling to your knees in front of one of the many screens airing the interview with, “Wanda.” You said in a broken whisper.

Katniss’s eyes stopped mid roll as she realized that the woman on the screen wasn’t just Wanda Maximoff, gossip journalist that once asked her if she was popular with the boys back home. But she was the Wanda. Your Wanda. You shook your head. Hoping that it was just a hallucination. It couldn’t be real. If she was dead that meant she wasn’t being tortured. 

“Ms. Maximoff, you had quite the reputation here in the Capitol. Why risk it for something so frivolous?” Caesar asked as the camera cut to him. He looked clean and healthy, with a new dye job. It was infuriating.

“It wasn’t… I wasn’t…” she fiddled with cards in her hands and you braced yourself for the lies she was about to be forced to say. Off camera, Caesar quietly implored Wanda to continue. “I um. My emotions, they were,” tears gathered in her eyes. She was a stubborn and strong willed woman. She hated the person she had to be for entertainment. “Y/n,” she squeaked your name out. “They made me believe that we could be together. If I… If, if we…” 

“They deceived you,” Caesar tried to help her get through the script. 

Wanda shook her head ever so slightly, no one but you would be able to catch it. “Yes,” her voice was so quiet even the microphones couldn’t catch it. Caesar has her repeat herself. “Yes, I was deceived. Y/n made me believe they loved me even though they, they,” she got stuck, she couldn’t continue with the lie but for her safety, you knew she had to. You willed her to continue. “They would have relations with other people in the Capitol.” You shut your eyes tight, knowing how much she hated what Snow forced you to do.

Caesar hummed and you wanted to smash the screen in. He was one of the worst kinds of clients. He was greedy and had the strangest fetishes and kinks. It made you sick to look at him. “I see, and do you think they tried to con their other lovers into starting a revolution with them?” You scoffed, none of it was your idea in the first place. They were painting a picture as if you came up with the whole thing. 

Wanda took a deep breath and sighed through her nose. Then you saw it, she still had your medallion. It was around her neck, slightly hidden by the excessive fabrics on her dress. “I wouldn’t know,” her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and lifted her head. “I don’t think I knew them as well as I thought I did.” 

Caesar nodded, “Yes, I think we all feel that way, Wanda. I am so sorry to see you like this. You are a dear friend of mine.” His fake sincere act had you fuming. But all you could do was stand there and watch. Your worst nightmares had come to life. Seeing Wanda in pain and not being able to do a damn thing about it. “I believe you have a message for those in the districts.” Wanda nodded as she flipped through her cards. “For those who are confused by the lies that the rebels are telling. Please, speak about the generosity of the Capitol.” 

“I would um, I would like to say.” She cleared her throat again and looked into the camera. The life in her green eyes looked as though it had been sucked out. It pained you to see it. “I know that many of you might see me as a joke. That was my job. I have kept you entertained for years. You’ve brought me into your homes every day for an hour. You know my face. You know my voice. And I need you to hear me when I say,” a lost expression crossed her features for a moment. “When I say,” you shook your head as you recognized the defiance entering her eyes. You wanted her to stick to her cards. To read whatever they had written for her. “Keep on fighting until we are free!” 

There was a lot of commotion as they tried to shut the camera’s down and remove Wanda from the room. But she fought against them in an attempt to say more. Unfortunately, before she could, a Peacekeeper hit her with the butt of their rifle and knocked her out cold. 

“I have to get her out of there,” you muttered once the screen went black. You stormed out of the mess hall and Katniss followed you to talk you out of doing something stupid. But she wasn’t sure what she could say. She had her people. She didn’t know what it was like to be in your shoes. What it was like to watch the person you loved be badgered into lying about your character. About the love the two of you shared. Only to watch her possibly lose her life for the benefit of the cause. 

You weren’t the one to convince them to start a rescue mission for Wanda and the other hostages. It was Katniss and Peeta who stepped up to negotiate terms with President Coin and Commander Boggs. It started with making propos with them. Peeta was phenomenal. Katniss however… She needed a lot more help. At a certain point, Plutarch got fed up and settled for having just you and Peeta. Unfortunately, as much as the messages from you and Peeta might’ve gotten people out of bed in the morning, it wasn’t enough to get them to fight. To remind the people of Panem who the real enemy is. Haymitch was the one who pitched for the show ponies to be taken out into the field. President Coin was opposed to it but the former drunk was able to convince everyone else which allowed Commander Boggs to agree to a mission. 

In the outskirts of District 8 where they have an old warehouse is where they brought the three of you. Along with a twom man camera crew and their director, Cressida. Her assistant. Boggs. And much to your dismay, Gale. Katniss was surrounded the entire way inside of the old warehouse. No one saw her until you, Gale, and Boggs moved out of the way. Her and Peeta stood tall together. Gasps filled the building filled with injured unarmed men, women, and children. This was the first official citing of the Mockingjay. Kids ran up to hug her. Severely injured were wheeled up close to get a look at her. You could see that Katniss needed that visit as much as any of the people there. Someone asked about the baby. In the midst of everything, you had forgotten about the claim Peeta made the night before the Quell. 

You looked at him as Katniss said she lost the baby. Her voice cracking was convincing. Peeta cast his eyes down with a deep frown and you began to grow curious. Originally, you thought that it was a lie. In fact, you felt like you had to keep reminding her about her “condition” in the arena. But in that moment you questioned how much of their story was an act. Not much time could be spent there as everyone was alerted of hovercrafts appearing. The focus was to get the victors out of there. But you wanted to stay and fight. Katniss and Peeta did as well. Gale was just as ready as anyone. Commander Boggs had lost authority as soon as the hovercrafts became visible with the Capitol emblems painted on them. Katniss finally got to test out her explosive arrows. You and Peeta were in a separate area together, shooting at the aircrafts to try and redirect their attention from the makeshift hospital. Unfortunately, that appeared to be their goal. Not you. Not Peeta. Not even Katniss. 

Despite the team's efforts, those lives were lost.  Katniss gave a harrowing speech stating, “If we burn, you burn with us!” Plutarch almost crapped his pants when the footage came together for the propo. People were inspired. But Katniss suffered the losses the hardest. 

The two of you sat together in silence as she hid in your room from all of the commotion. People had been dropping off gifts at her family’s living quarters. Peeta was moved in with them once he had gotten a clean bill of health since they were technically married. Lie or not. President Coin was not going to allow questions of their credibility. “Was there really a baby?” You asked. Katniss shook her head. 

“No,” she stated. “Peeta and I never,” she couldn’t finish the sentence as she blushed redder than Wanda’s wig. 

“What about you and grumpy?” You poked fun, it was just too easy to get her flustered. You were met with a glare so you held your hands up in surrender. There was another long stretch of silence before you got curious. “The secret wedding wasn't real either, right?” 

Katniss nodded, “All Peeta's ideas.” She cracked a smile as she looked at the wall of cement in front of her. “After, when we were back in the penthouse, he asked if he needed to apologize. I told him no.” You could tell she did care about Peeta a lot. When you had to save Peeta's life, you knew you misjudged her. But you can't help but feel a bit jealous that she has him here and you are without your Wanda. You are certain about your Wanda. 

“How's the fake married life treating you?” You asked teasingly to keep a playful energy instead of wallowing in your self pity. 

Katniss rolled her eyes and shook her head. She didn’t answer for a long moment. Then she sighed and said, “Not too bad actually.” She didn’t give any details because what she and Peeta do in private she holds sacred. You could understand because you’ve never shared stories about your time with Wanda. Not that anyone would have asked. 

The day you finally got reunited with Wanda was a bittersweet moment. She jumped into your arms as soon as she saw you running towards her. You kissed her and wanted to hold her tight but you were careful. She was thin, with cuts and bruises all over her face and body. Her right arm was crooked, like it had been broken and it didn’t heal properly. You didn't want to think about what they did to her but the evidence was all over her. You kissed her as you promised that you’d make all of them pay. She asked you to marry her. 

You said yes. 

Annie and Finnick were reunited as well. You hadn’t been able to visit with him much when you centered your focus on Katniss and Peeta but he looked healthy and he was steady enough to hold Annie in his arms. 

Johanna was amongst those that were rescued. There was no one to run to her. So you, Finnick, Katniss, and Peeta all made a point to welcome her. She flipped everyone off then pressed a button that administered morphine. She closed her eyes and fell asleep, everyone had to awkwardly shuffle out of the room. 

Gale was amongst the soldiers that volunteered and were approved to go on the rescue mission. You tried to go but Katniss and Peeta were tasked to keep you busy until the team had already left. You felt betrayed by the both of them but it was nice to have them by your side as you anxiously waited. 

With Wanda in District 13, you wanted to ignore your schedule and spend all of your time with her, but you couldn't. You had to keep your status if you were going to go to the Capitol and kill the Peacekeepers that did this to her. You wanted the pleasure of ending Snow's life yourself but it was obvious that there was a plan for the Mockingjay to have the honors. 

Wanda had to undergo surgeries to correct and help her injuries heal properly.  So it wasn’t like she was waiting for you in her room. While she was in surgery, you were in training. At night, you slept in a cot that Prim snuck into the room for you. She said that she owed you for bringing her sister not only out of the arena but back to herself. You shook her hand and declared that both of you were even. 

You were the first to mention to the people in the command room of your engagement and even offered to have the wedding televised on the condition that Annie and Finnick could have a private wedding. They deserved to continue to live in peace. Finnick hadn't made a public appearance since being in District 13 and Annie didn't need to be used as a pawn in these games anymore. Wanda was the one to suggest the wedding. She wanted to show Snow that nothing was going to get you, her, or this revolution down. 

The news of the wedding spread like a wildfire. The revolution has been so daunting that the citizens welcomed the chance to celebrate something. People would whisper in your presence and you had to awkwardly nod your way through the cafeteria as you picked up your meals before walking it to the infirmary to have the meal with Wanda. 

She blew you away with her strength. 

The first time she walked into the cafeteria, a man that was walking to a table dropped his tray off at the nearest one and ran towards her. You stood in front of her to protect her but she moved you and met him halfway. “Pietro!” She shouted with joy. You felt bad as you had forgotten about her twin brother. She'd tell you stories about him whenever the two of you took a stroll together. She told you once that he'd gotten himself in a lot of trouble with the government and the price to bail him out was too high. 

Luckily, because of her minor celebrity and her family’s status in the Capitol, she was able to barter to save him from becoming an Avox. Instead, he was forced to serve as a Peacekeeper in District 12. He was ranked pretty high in District 13 on arrival, not only for his experience as a Peacekeeper but because he helped Gale get people out of 12. You couldn't believe that you had been training with him for months and neither of you had said a word about Wanda. It was probably for the best at the end of the day. Neither of you needed to distract one another with the fears and grief. 

The three of you found somewhere to sit together and you let the twins get to catch up with each other. They were separated from each other for years. You were planning on spending the rest of your life with her, you were more than happy to third wheel the meal. 

On the day of the wedding, Katniss let it slip that Peeta had a surprise cake he’d been working on for you. She was helping you get ready because you'd asked her to be part of the wedding. You would have asked Finnick if he wasn't getting married as well and if he wasn't in hiding. At that point in the revolution, his disappearance was being used as a motivator since Finnick was a loved victor. He was meant to be hidden because he was believed to be dead. 

Katniss was confused at first when you asked her to officiate. She had assumed it would be led by Coin or an appointed official. You explained that it was a tradition that the bride and groom picked the person to officiate the wedding in District 4 to give it a more personal touch and she accepted. But she wished it was Peeta you had asked. She hated making public speeches and you knew that. You also knew that she would be able to deliver something inspiring and that she knew you better than Peeta did. 

You weren't wrong, she delivered a beautiful speech about the star-crossed lovers of Panem. The victor from District 4 and the woman they loved from the Capitol. She mentioned the bravery the pair of you had exhibited and that others could benefit from following the example. She went on to express the importance of this impossible unity love and encouraged the rest of the country to follow you and Wanda into a brighter future. That although the government had painstakingly painted those in the districts to be nothing more than animalistic slaves and declared that those in the Capitol were more deserving of comfortable or extravagant lives, the two of you saw past that false narrative and fought against the mandated division and saw each other as equals. As partners willing to risk their lives for one another. Something that the people in the districts, in the Capitol, and even those working as government officials or Peacekeepers, can find within themselves to see each other as equals as well and not see each other as an enemy or an abomination. That as a country, the people can come together and stop killing for a man that doesn’t care if his citizens live or die. 

Wanda went first in the exchanging of vows, she made everyone in attendance laugh with a couple of jokes about you and the way you charmed your way into her heart. Then she vowed to love and cherish you forever. She vowed to stay committed to only you as long as the both of you shall live. She vowed that she will stand by your side in sickness and in health. Finally, she said, “We came together in a time when we were constantly being kept apart. I am ready to get to know you not as the person you've had to become for others but as the person you are. Give me your bad hair days, your long rants and conspiracies, your burnt waffles, and lost socks. Give me your every day, and I will give you my love to make it all alright. You are my every dream come true, and I can't wait for the reality we get to build together once we are free. You make me laugh, you make me think of a brighter future, and above all, you make me happy. I love you.” 

“Wow,” you gasped as you wiped tears from your face. “Tough act to follow,” you stated, which caused laughter through the guests' tears. You told the story of how the two of you met. How she was barely making a name for herself as a reporter and that you were so intrigued by her that you agreed to sell out the victors you didn't get along with to help her career grow. You stated that you couldn't even apologize because it led to this moment. Your vows reflected hers when it came to the basics. 

You sighed as you looked down at your shoes for a moment. They were Peeta Mellark's. He insisted on a trip back to District 12 to pick up a suit for you and a dress for Wanda. You tried to talk him out of it, you would have hated for Peeta or Katniss to get caught or killed just so that you looked presentable for the wedding. Katniss convinced you to let them do it. Then she explained that Cinna and her prep team left behind the wedding gown options that they thought might win just in case. Wanda joined them and found one she liked and with Katniss’s help in the woods, they found materials to make enough red paint to splatter across the white fabric. It looked like she'd murdered someone. It made her look deadly. You loved it.

“Wanda,” you looked back up at her. “As someone that did their best to remain alone to protect innocent people, you snuck your way into my heart. I feared for a long time what would come of us if anyone found out that we were more than a prostitute and their buyer. But you weren't afraid. You have taught me that two people joined together with respect, trust, and open communication can be far stronger and happier than each could ever be alone. You are the strength I didn't know I needed and the joy that I didn't know I lacked. Today, I choose to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you more fiercely with every second that slips through our hands.” Even though the two of you had exchanged the term of endearment everyday since her arrival, it was still so refreshing and freeing to finally say the words out loud. “My darling, it's with pride and joy that I take you for my wife. Together, we can weather any storm, no matter the season of our lives. I have found my forever partner. With you in my life, I could never be lonely again. I'm in awe of you, our bond, and our potential. I promise to remain in awe while I cherish you for all the rest of our days.” 

The kiss you shared was one of the most magical you'd ever experienced up until that point. The cameras were shut down as you and Wanda made it look as though the two of you left the area. Once the cameras were off, that's when the Odair wedding began. Finnick and Annie asked you to officiate. So you did. You performed the wedding, not as well as Katniss did but your friends were satisfied with it. 

Afterwards, the two were excused to celebrate on their own accord while you and Wanda were expected to continue to put on a show for the cameras. Not that you minded, you were happy to be dancing with her in front of everyone instead of in the refrigerator light in the middle of the night. It was the perfect way to show the citizens of Panem that change was upon them. 

Within the next week you were being sent to the Capitol because Katniss decided to go a bit rogue and send herself into the battle. Gale was already stationed there along with Commander Boggs after a successful mission with District 2, so she had some allies that weren't quick to turn her in. But someone else was and to save face, Coin organized Squad 451, nicknamed the “Star Squad” as she also sent Peeta and the camera crew with you, even Johanna was being sent in. The squad was meant to be recorded, not meant to get caught in any real battle. You laughed as Johanna flipped off Castor and Pollux every time they pointed the camera at her. If this wasn’t war, you would have gaurenteed that merchandise of Johanna and her middle finger would have been the next big thing in the Capitol. 

Katniss was shocked to see you there because of the new marriage but you assured her that this is what Wanda wanted. “She was tortured and nearly gave her life in order to keep this fight going,” you stated as you spun the trident around in your hand to get used to it. “Can't go back until we're free. Those are her orders,” you grinned and leaned forward. “Besides, I kind of promised her a list of heads as souvenirs from this trip,” you winked.

“Better get to work then,” she nodded once before moving away from you to greet Peeta with a hug. She also hit him upside the head which made you chuckle. He apologized for being there but it wasn't up to him. The cameras were around but they weren't focused on them so when they shared a kiss, you couldn't tell if it was for show or for them. But you looked away and your eyes ended up on a somber Gale Hawthorne. He wasn't all bad, he was starting to grow on you as you could tell that he cared the only way he knew how. But he needed to realize that he needed to move on. Then you watched as his gaze began to follow Johanna and you scrunched your features. He couldn't handle her, you knew from experience. 

The mission ran long as the group of you were faking a lot of action to get footage while being safe until it no longer could be sustained. Peacekeepers found the Star Squad and led the group into a trap that cost half of the team. Biggs lost his legs because he stepped on a landmine. He transferred over the Holo to Katniss, a device only those in charge of a squad were given. Among many other features, it could project a holographic map and pinpoint the dangers around. Pods were what they were called because they could consist of any number of dangers. Unfortunately, it couldn't update as fast as the military could install them. 

The rest of the squad fled into the nearest building but one guy, Second Lieutenant Mitchell, got caught in a deadly net contraption that sliced him into pieces. Twin sisters that went by Leeg 1 and Leeg 2 got left behind because one of them  needed medical assistance and the rest of the unit needed to get out of there. Katniss claimed that she was sent there to kill Snow and although most - if not all - of the squad knew it was a lie, the unit backed her up against Lieutenant Jackson who tried to take over as the commanding officer after Boggs died. A call was made on the Leegs behalf to the rebels base and Homes volunteered to stay with them. 

When the remaining squad members were safe inside of a home that had been cleared out is when you find out that you were dead. That all of you were dead. A mandatory broadcast showed what you knew were the Leeg sisters and Homes firing at Peacekeepers out of the building you guys had to leave them in. The building was blown up by the Peacekeepers and your face was the first one to appear on the screen along with the sound of a cannon and the music that would play for fallen tributes in the Hunger Games. You’d have clapped at their theatrics if it wasn't inappropriate. 

President Snow appeared on the screen as he began to drone on and on about a cease fire. But he is interrupted by President Coin giving an almost convincing eulogy for Katniss. You turned your attention towards her as it went on and she rolled her eyes. The Mockingjay was dead. “Congrats,” you said as you nudged her shoulder. She shook her head which made you laugh as you finished the can of tuna you had raided from the cabinets. It reminded you of home. 

From there, more people were lost as the squad tried to move through the Capitol underground in order to get to Snow's mansion. The streets were flooded with pods, it was impossible to move through them and the rooftops were too risky. Underground tunnels were the only solution. Pollux was the one to lead the unit through because he used to work there when he was an Avox. Katniss stood close to him, scanning the area with the Holo for extra precaution. 

No one was prepared for the rush of events that took place all at once. Blood thirsty mutts flooded the tunnel system. It cost the life of Homes, Jackson, and Gale. He was the last one to go. Katniss had to drop the Holo on top of him as he was being eaten alive. “Nightlock, nightlock, nightlock,” she said to activate the self-destructive feature of the device. It blew up and the unit still had to run. You were cut up all over because those mutts had sharp nails. 

As soon as you guys were out of the tunnels Peacekeepers were waiting and ready. Firing at the squad on sight. Katniss used her explosive arrows while you used the handgun you were given in case you lost your trident, which you did during the mutt fight, while the rest of the squad used their machine guns. 

As the unit ran for their lives, deadly light beams shot out at random taking Messalla, Cressida’s assistant. It turned him into dust. At the example of the danger, everyone avoided the light. Once the team crossed over a short barrier, the floor began to disappear as it was being eaten away by spikes. Everyone made it past that into the safer area of what looked like a parking garage. 

“I know where we can hide,” Cressida announced as soon as she recognized her surroundings. Everyone followed her to a store and inside a woman that resembled an exotic animal let the team hide in her basement. 

Castor and Pollux patched you up to keep you from bleeding out. You had a lot of wounds that required both of them. Katniss sat in a corner with a lost look in her eyes. She'd lost Gale and so many other people because of a lie. So many lives have been lost because of her lies. Peeta sat beside her to try and comfort her. She allowed it until you started to scream because of the crappy job that Castor and Pollux were doing at fixing you up. They were much better filmmakers and soldiers than they were medics. 

Katniss got up and came over to help them. “This is all my fault,” she whispered with tears in her eyes as she looked over your irritated wounds. “I'm so sorry,” she looked around the room. Cressida was gathering supplies from Tigris for everyone. Johanna was undressing to assess the damages done to her body. Castor and Pollux were exhausted. Peeta was also injured but he hid his injuries to protect Katniss. 

“I lied,” she said. “Coin, she didn't send me I,” she looked down at you, covered in mostly your own blood. “I came on my own. I thought I could… Gale,” she stared at you, she was lost in grief and guilt. Peeta limped over to her. 

“Katniss,” he sighed before he gave a speech about the lives in the arena that had been taken because no one had ownership of their lives. That the lives taken in this war were given by choice. Then he helped her patch you up. You were grateful to be alive after all of that. But this war still needed to end. Snow still had to die. 

And he did. 

What was left of the Star Squad stormed Snow’s mansion and killed anyone that got in their way. Snow was sitting smugly in his office chair when the unit burst through the doors. Katniss shot an electric arrow through his eye and Johanna chopped his head off for good measure. Castor and Pollux live streamed the entire ordeal. 

“People of Panem,” Katniss said to the cameras. “We are free!” 

The entire country celebrated as those left in power surrendered. 

When things settled down, Coin asked the remaining victors to vote on the possibility of hosting a symbolic Hunger Games after she appointed herself as interim president. No one knew who slipped a nightlock pill in her tea. But no one accused or questioned anyone. Most people assumed it was Katniss and those present for the meeting assumed it was you. Neither of you confirmed nor denied the rumors. 

Katniss and Peeta returned to District 12 while her mom and sister stayed in the Capitol to get better acquainted with the vast medical knowledge in order to help train others to make healthcare affordable and accessible across the nation. 

After a lot of debate, you and Wanda moved into your house in District 4. Your argument was that you had an entire mansion that you didn’t have to pay anything on and she rented a townhome. She liked her house and her life in the Capitol but none of it mattered at the end of the day. Life there was never going to be the same. So she agreed. District 4 was her home. After the hidden survaliance devices were removed from the mansion, of course. 

The two of you got to know each other in ways you never could before. You found out what a slob she could be. Wanda would forget to throw dirty clothing into the hamper. Then she'd wear all of her clothes until she ran out. You would point to the overflowing hamper when When she was done using a dish, it would sit in the sink instead of rinsing it off and putting it in the dishwasher. She was used to having a servant to take care of little things like that. Wanda found out that you were a terrible cook and that you have terrible self care habits. The two of you figured out ways to balance each other out. 

At the beginning, you and Wanda spent a lot of time together. Basking in the honeymoon phase as long as possible. But eventually, reality caught up and the both of you realized that there was still so much work to be done in terms of rebuilding the country. As much as you felt that you shouldn’t have to do more, you were still in a better position than most. So, you and Wanda figured out a way to be involved in the process of helping those who needed it most in the New Panem and opened a rehabilitation center in District 4. 

It started with a way to employ those who needed work. If you couldn’t find them a job in District 4, you or Wanda would reach out to other districts and help them and their family relocate. After several years, it grew to so much more. Now, it’s became a center that helps those with addictions, therapy to process trauma, a safe haven for those sold into marriages that they didn’t want to be in anymore, a space for those who struggled with life before and after the war. Even though you could have easily decided to coast by in life with the money you still receive and will continue to receive from winning the Hunger Games, it didn’t feel right when so many people that barely had anything to begin with, were left with absolutely nothing. 

Her brother, Pietro, decided to stay in District 12. In his time before the war, Pietro met a woman that he fell deeply in love with. Much like you and Wanda, they couldn’t be together in the way that they wanted because it could have gotten them killed. She had broken things off with Pietro just before the bombing to protect him because one of the other Peacekeepers had threatened to expose them if she hadn’t. It wasn’t until well after the war was over that she was able to find and recconnect with Pietro. 

“You Maximoffs are suckers for us simple district folk,” you joked quietly to Wanda while the two of you sat in the audience of his wedding. It was held in District 12 with the local traditions of the district. 

“Shut up,” she said as she hid her amusement and carefully dabbed her tears away with your handkerchief. She was so touched by the ceremony. She still couldn’t believe that any of it was possible. She looked at you as she reminisced about the day the two of you made history by getting married. You put your arm around her shoulder and she snuggled against you as the ceremony continued.  

While the two of you danced at the reception a little girl crashed into your legs. “Uh oh,” you said softly as you helped her up. She was afraid at first but then she smiled as she apologized. “I’m Y/n, and your name is?” You asked politely. 

“Willow,” she responded quietly and you grinned as you recognized her from the photos you have of her. Katniss sent them to you because up until now, you hadn’t been able to make a trip out to District 12. Not since a couple weeks after she was born.  

“Well, Willow, I happen to be a good friend of your Mommy and Daddy. I haven’t seen you since you were a baby,” you said as you offered her your hand. “Let’s go find them, shall we?” Willow nodded as she took your hand. Wanda watched with a deep sadness as you interacted so happily with the little girl. It was hard enough to see you around Finnick and Annie’s children. When you returned to her, she knew what you were going to ask of her and she couldn’t give that to you. She knows that she should have told you years ago, but she hoped that there would be an advanced treatment that could reverse the damage. She developed a relationship with Primrose Everdeen because she was the one who had to give Wanda the news in District 13. 

Fortunately for Wanda, you didn’t bring up the subject until the two of you were alone in the hotel room. “Willow is a cute kid, isn’t she?” You asked as you climbed into bed next to Wanda. Your wife hummed as she went over the files she brought with her. “River and Marina are pretty cool too,” you put your hand on her abdomen and she took a deep breath as she braced herself. 

“I think we should have kids.”

“I can’t have kids.” The two of you talk at the same time. 

“What?” You remove your hand as you sit up. Shocked by the reveal. 

Wanda swallowed the lump forming in her throat and she set the file on the bedside table. “I was pregnant when the Peacekeepers took me. I uh… They um,” she couldn’t stop the tears from falling as her heart broke again from reliving the horrible memories. You didn’t let her finish, you just held her tightly as your heart broke from the news as well. You had no idea that this was something she went through. Amongst the list of horrible things that happened to her when she was captured, this wasn’t something you anticipated. “I’m sorry,” she eventually said. 

“It’s not your fault,” you kissed her on the forehead and decided then that you didn’t need kids. Wanda was all you would ever need. 

That rang true. As the years went on, you and Wanda were there for nephews and nieces. The work the two of you built together was very time consuming, it left room for very little and the two of you were more than willing to make that sacrifice. Together, you might not have been able to bring a life into the world but you managed to change so many lives that it didn’t matter. The two of you lived happily together until the day you died of old age in each others arms. A gift that was once a rarity in the country of Panem. The life that you and Wanda led together wouldn’t have happened had there not been the hope of a free world. Though significant sacrifices were made, you wouldn’t have changed a single thing. 

Or would you have?

The Mentor

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#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff imagine #the hunger games #wanda maximoff au #the hunger games au #wanda x y/n #wanda x reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x gender neutral reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x reader #messedupfan

[cheeekycharchar]

"Shame and guilt have followed humanity since Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden."

Good Omens; a story of an Angel that can't accept love because of shame and a Demon that can't accept forgiveness because of guilt.

"It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh? If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

An in-depth analysis of an Angel suffering from shame and a Demon wracked with guilt.

Let's dive deeper below the cut!

[Now I'm going to lay down a lot of facts, definitions and minimal psychological babble and I want you, as the reader, to view this through your GO nerd glasses. Also, I want to express that I am not a therapist or religious in any way- this was all done as academic research for the fandom's sake cause I can't shut my brain up. I tried to organize it the best I could. ..sorry it's so long but I swear it's worth the read through! ;)]

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• Shame is the painful emotion you have when you perceive that you are not good enough in some way. Entirely self imposed and only known to you, shame can be an unpleasant self-conscious feeling often associated with negative self-evaluation. When shame is chronic, it makes you believe that you are fundamentally flawed, defective, dishonorable, immoral, or improper.

• Guilt is a negative feeling of worry or unhappiness that you get because you have done something wrong. It's a moral emotion that occurs when a person believes or realizes- accurately or not- that they have compromised their own standards of conduct or have violated universal moral standards and bear significant responsibility for it. When guilt is chronic, it can be a toxic emotion that could cause a person to take on unjust responsibility if things around them go wrong. They are quick to accept that everything is their fault even though it isn't.

While guilt is about wrong actions, shame is about being wrong as a person.

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In academic psychology, shame is associated with avoiding failure and its consequences while guilt is connected with forgiving and improving one's self, along with making amends.

Guilt and Shame are often confused for each other but there’s a big difference between the two. Guilt can help you understand how your actions impact others, but shame is an inward-facing emotion that reflects how you feel about yourself. (And I do realize that Aziraphale may, at times, feel guilt and Crowley can also feel a sense of shame. But the main motivation behind majority of their characterizations and actions throughout the series are both coming from these two different feelings.)

Guilt can help you move forward while shame keeps you stuck in the past. [such as the "We could have been.. us." and "You go too fast for me." scenes] And the only way to rid themselves of these negative emotions is through recovery with unconditional love and forgiveness.

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• How Aziraphale represents the concept of shame •

Shame tricks you into believing that you aren't good. That you are worthless. Not that you've done something bad, but that you are bad. Ever since Aziraphale gave away his flaming sword, he started to question himself. But it wasn't until he outright lies to his fellow Angel's about the true fate of Job's children that he truly believes he has fallen- that he violated God's word and lied (again). He believes there must be something truly wrong with who he is as an Angel. He's a flawed creation of God and he feels a dreaded sense of deep shame from this.

Feelings of shame can also present itself in different types such as, Chronic Shame (negative emotions all the time that you aren't good enough), Performance Shame (feeling as though you are inferior compared to others) and Shame from Unrequited Love (this is a feeling of not being good enough for another person T^T).

Shame is a harmful, negative emotion that when internalized enough can result in an overly harsh evaluation of oneself.

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Next, let's take a closer look at what defines shame and how it operates through Aziraphale:

• Being Defensive is a way to avoid taking responsibility for our behavior.

"I don't need you." "And the feeling is mutual!"

• Perfectionism is the unrealistic desire to be perfect and is often a defense against shame. If we’re perfect, no one can criticize us; no one can shame us. We keep up a front that looks good to the world. We may spend a lot of time attending to our dress and looks.

"I do have standards."

• Apologizing constantly. Shame can prompt us to be overly apologetic and compliant.

"I did the 'I was wrong' dance in…"

• Procrastination can occur from a deep hidden shame. If we consider pursuing something and it doesn’t turn out well, we might be paralyzed by that feeling. If we never try, then we don’t have to face possible failure and subsequent shame.

"You go too fast for me, Crowley.."

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Next are the four category behaviors resulting from shame:

• The Hot Response These are things you do when you feel ashamed and defensive, such as lashing out in anger or attacking the other person to deflect attention from yourself.

"I don't even like you!" [always resorts to being defensive in any argument]

• Behaviors to Cope With or Conceal the Shame These behaviors include doing things to make yourself feel small, trying to avoid being the center of attention, or not sharing your thoughts or feelings. Concealing yourself is a method of self-protection.

[always awkward and can't speak openly around other Angels]

• Safety Behaviors to Avoid Shame or Being Discovered This category of shame behaviors might be things like apologizing, crying, or avoiding conflict. People who have a tendency toward being emotional or avoiding conflict may be more likely to engage in safety behaviors.

"Why? What's wrong? I mean.. if there is something wrong.."

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The Impact of Feeling Shame:

• Makes you feel like you are flawed or there is something wrong with you

"I'm like you now. A demon. I'm a fallen angel.." • Can lead to social withdrawal

[spends most of his time in the bookshop alone] • May cause you to become defensive and shame others in return "I'm an angel! And you're a demon!" • May cause you to inflate your ego to hide the belief that you don’t have value

"Well, I am a great deal holier than thou. That's the whole point." • May leave you feeling empty, lonely, or worn out

"But I thought you said it wasn't [lonely]?" • May lead to lowered self-esteem

"I'm.. soft." • May make it harder for you to trust other people

"Obviously, you're lying. You're a demon. That's what you do." • May lead to perfectionism or overachievement to try and counteract your feelings of shame

"If I can just reach the right people and resolve all of this-" "That's not going to happen! How could somebody as clever as you be so stupid!?" • May cause you to engage in people pleasing

"Doing good again, Angel? "Oh, hardly counts. Purely for selfish reasons." • May cause you to avoid talking because you are afraid to say the wrong thing

[trying to explain to Metatron in S1 without revealing too much] • May cause compulsive or excessive behaviors like overworking, excessive cleaning, or having too high of standards in general

[non stop research all day and night to look for the antichrist by himself]

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• How Crowley represents the concept of guilt •

Guilt is what you feel after committing a specified or perceived offence/crime/bad action.  It's typically attached to a feeling you experience when you do something wrong on purpose or accidentally and can regret that action. Guilt can be morally ambiguous.

"Well, maybe there is something to be said for.. shades of grey?" "..Shades of dark grey."

Signs of guilt are unique but these are the most common (again there are many but these I thought related to Crowley the best):

• Low self-esteem

*sighs* "Don't bother..."

• Excessive attempts at reparation [Crowley always trying to secretly help humanity when he can]

• Being unable to meet someone’s gaze

[Covering his eyes not only hides his snake eyes but also his guilty feelings]

• Anxiety "We are fucked!" [and we all know TV!Crowley is 100% more anxiety ridden than Book!Crowley is lol]

• Trouble sleeping [Sleeps too long (100 year nap from book). Or can't get comfortable sleeping (from S1 deleted scene)]

• Depressed mood

"What's even the point.. everything seems.. pointless.."

• Avoidance of people, places, or events linked to the cause of guilt "I'm not going to be joining their team and neither should you!" [doesn't want to return to Heaven or Hell and is "on his own side" to avoid them further] • Shifts in energy levels [can be giddy/jumpy one second to morose/moody the next, etc]

• Emotional outbursts

"I'm just so angry!"

• Appetite changes

[took up drinking alcohol even though its unnatural to]

• Making amends [spends every moment since Eden trying to secretly do good despite the hellish consequences]

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Defense mechanisms against feeling guilty can become an overriding aspect of one's personality. (These are also related to trauma response.)

• Displacement is a defensive tool that may take the form of blaming the victim or taking your feelings out on others.

"You know what you've done. You've disappointed me."

• Projection is sharing the unacceptable feelings/qualities onto others, thereby being less alone with it.

"But that sounds.." "Lonely?"

• Self-harm may be used as an alternative to compensating from one's past transgression. Not just physical self-harm but not allowing yourself to enjoy opportunities or benefits as a result of uncompensated guilty feelings.

[always holding himself back for 6k years from saying what he truly feels and won't allow himself to be with Aziraphale the way he really wants]

• Repression is subconsciously blocking or forgetting harmful/traumatic memories. "Right.. looking at where the furniture isn't.." [doesn't remember his time in Heaven in detail- whether from trauma response or just had his memory wiped]

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Behavioral responses to guilt can be associated with the moral of their character. Feelings of guilt can prompt virtuous behavior.

"You shouldn't test them to destruction.."

People who feel guilty may be more likely to: • Exercise restraint [holds his true feelings back for Aziraphale for centuries]

• Avoid self-indulgence [only really has his car and plants in the end]

• Exhibit less prejudice [is more open and accepting of other's sins - such as helping during the Scottish bodysnatching scenes]

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Guilt can prompt reparatory behaviors (actions to make amends) to help alleviate these negative emotions. People tend to engage in these reparatory behaviors toward the persons they wronged. Some religions theorize that forgiveness of sin (even those committed by accident or ignorance) is exclusively through repentance.

Crowley, being the wily serpent that tempted Eve to eat the forbidden apple of knowledge and subsequently getting her and Adam kicked out of paradise on Earth- and thusly creating the first sin of humanity. Right away, Crowley feels guilt from this.

After all, he was just told to stir up some trouble and had no idea the consequences of his first temptation on the future generations of human existence. Ignorantly doing something considered wrong and getting exiled.. this mistake would forever haunt him. He knows the pain and trauma from unwittingly doing something insignificant and being punished severely for it (such as asking questions or eating an apple) yet he accidentally made the first of God's new creatures "fall" in their own way from Eden. It's because of this guilt that Crowley spends the next 6000 years secretly rebelling against Hell to help humanity in any way he can to redeem himself.

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That's why their first conversation (post Fall from Heaven) on the wall of Eden was SO important to their relationship with each other and themselves.

"Oh, I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing." "It'd be funny if we both got it wrong. If I did the good thing and you did the bad one." "No. No! It wouldn't be funny at all!"

I think the reason Crowley always seems to be one step ahead of Aziraphale (in more ways than one) is because, in a sense, guilt is easier to resolve from than shame.

If you acknowledge your mistake and the person chooses to take the steps to improve and change for the better, then they can recover from those negative feelings. They can work through the guilt by repairing the transgression or learning from it.

Whereas shame can only intensify inwardly and be harder to face because your mind is telling you that you are the bad thing, that you are the mistake. This makes it harder to overcome. And the only way to truly recover from shame is unconditional love and forgiveness- for yourself.

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“Instead of your shame, you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion, they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land, they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7)

And in S2.. we can see they both hold regret for their actions at the end of episode 6. If you look at every choice, ever misstep, every argument and their occasional confusion in understanding one another, you can see how Aziraphale was written with shame as a main part of his personality and Crowley written with guilt.

Two feelings that are often confused for one another but differ slightly in their own ways. The motivation behind every word they utter and every action they make throughout the series is built on the foundation of these two fundamentally negative and often traumatizing feelings.

There is a possibility to recover from shame and guilt and I have a feeling that S3's plot line will be all about recovery.

And that's what the concept of that Second Coming storyline might be all about. The New Testament says, "In Jesus Christ, God took upon Himself the sins of the world and died on the cross to pay mankind's debt" (Rom 6:23). "Those who repent and accept Christ's sacrifice for their sins, will be redeemed by God and thus not guilty before Him. They will be granted eternal life which will take effect after the Second Coming of Christ" (1 Thess 4:13–18).

A second chance. Forgiveness and Recovery from Sin.

And what is the story of Adam and Eve if not about humanity's Original Sin?

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Remember, after all is said and done, the antidote for shame is love, and guilt is cured through forgiveness.

Two things a certain Angel and Demon struggle with accepting from each other but are more than willing to give to one another.

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[…There! I made myself sad again, lol. Thank you for reading this far! Sorry it was crazy long but I really enjoyed putting this all together into semi-comprehensible words (though stupid tumblr made me delete a bunch of pictures I had as examples…). Also, on a final side note- if you are ever experiencing overwhelming shame or guilt in anyway (which can result in depression or worse if not dealt with) please make sure you reach out to someone or seek professional help in some way. Take care, everyone! ^-^]

#Good Omens #Good Omens meta #Good Omens theories #Good Omens speculations #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #Crowley #Aziraphale #sorry it's so long.. it was longer #and had more pictures #but stupid tumblr restricted me lol #give me season 3 or give me death #good omens analysis #Neil Gaiman #Terry Pratchett #david tennant #michael sheen #I THINK I CRACKED THE CODE lol

[azrielbrainrot]

The Devil I Revel In - Part I

Pairing: Demon!Azriel x Priestess!Reader

Description: Your duties take you into the forest often but one day you feel compelled to explore further. What could go wrong?

Warnings: Injury, blood, nothing too descriptive

Word Count: 4935

Notes: I meant to write this as a one shot but it kept getting longer and longer so I guess I'm turning it into a series. Enjoy!

Part II

As soon as you start getting closer to the forest the air changes and it almost seems like you can breathe easier. These moments when you got to pick berries and wild flowers in the forest were some of the only ones you had to yourself.

You never had the chance to lose yourself in anything at the temple, always working or praying. If you told any of the other priestesses that you like to spend time like this, walking around the forest and breathing in the nature around you, they'd never let you out of their sight.

The forest can be dangerous which is why you're the only one who is allowed to come here. Sometimes you would appreciate the help for carrying your basket but asking for someone to accompany you would cut down on your alone time. The Head Priestess would rather give up on the wildflowers for the altar and have the pie recipe changed or cut off the menu than send anyone else into the forest. It's a miracle they allow you to come at all.

If the runes that held the wards together hadn't fallen during a storm about a decade ago this wouldn't even be an option for you. You still remember the fear in everyone's faces when they realized the wards could have been compromised, leaving the temple vulnerable to any monster to attack. The Elders decided that the runes had to be checked and prayed to regularly and, since you'd always felt a pull towards the beautiful woods, you volunteered for the job.

You suspect that they only agreed because - aside from being the only volunteer - you were one of the most expendable members of the temple, you didn't have a fixed role in the community and no family to miss you if you disappeared. This was a fact you had made peace with long ago so you were more than excited that it finally paid off.

As the years went by the reluctance everyone had felt in letting you go around the wards had almost disappeared, they'd assumed that, since you hadn't been viciously murdered or eaten by a monster, the Gods had liked your prayers and the attention the temple was paying to the gift They left behind for the mortals. With this you also started to explore more and more.

The first few times you went up to the wards you were a bit more terrified than you initially thought you'd be. You could count the times you went outside the walls of the temple in one hand, making the walk to the forest scary in itself. Though after a few successful visits your nerves evaporated and you started walking around the forest more freely. The wards covered a bigger area than the priestesses let on, leaving you with enough to see while keeping to the blessed grounds.

You'd soon discover wild berries growing all around the forest. The priestesses had been apprehensive at eating them at first, but, after explaining you had found them next to the runes, you managed to convince them they must have also been a gift from the Gods. The pies the cooks baked from these berries were a nice change from the apple pies you usually ate year-round.

Then you started picking flowers to take to the altar for some ceremonies or to decorate the Elders' praying room. They had decided that everything within the wards of the forest was a gift to the temple, for upholding the Gods' teachings in such dark times. After that you started taking a basket to the forest and bringing what you could. And, more importantly, you were given more time to roam the forest as your heart pleased.

The clouds ahead told you time was going to be limited in the forest today. This was a bummer since you had heard what you believed was a little creek nearby and intended on trying to climb to higher ground so you could at least watch it from a distance. Even after so many years you still found things to discover, the fact that you only came here once a month didn't help either.

There is a river that passes through a little town not far from where you live. The temple even bought fish from there, but you weren't allowed out of the temple so you never had the opportunity to see something like this.

Almost running the rest of the way, you quickly prayed to the runes and checked to see if they were all intact before grabbing the basket once again and rushing to get your berries. Ideally you would just use the limited time you had to explore but if you showed up empty handed they'd wonder what you were doing out here for so long.

Your time was already cut short since the winter was nearing. The cold made the trip more dangerous, even canceling it if the snow was too thick. There were also no flowers to pick so the priestesses expected you to take less time to bless the wards and pick the few berries that made it through the weather.

Leaving the now half full basket by the big stones carved in magical runes, you hike up your skirt and rush to the highest hill. Upon reaching the top, you can't help but let out a sigh. You can't see anything from up there but more of the same forest and the clouds getting darker in the sky, as if they were mocking you.

Even with the help of gravity the walk back is much slower than before. You had been really excited to finally see something new. The white walls of the temple felt like a cell more and more each day. You tried to play by the rules for years, doing everything you saw the others do and following their words but you could never understand how anyone could feel fulfilled living like this.

You yearned for a life to call your own. If what you were told at the temple was really true then The Gods’ gift of safety was being wasted by living like this. You weren't so naive to think the world outside of the temple was perfect, you heard the whispered stories from the occasional visitors, but you were more than sure that, even if you ended up with a terrible fate, you'd at least be thankful that you lived.

Lost in your self deprecating thoughts, you didn't notice you had walked beyond the protective stones, almost to the edge of the wards. You weren't very familiar with magic since it was something the temple believed only The Gods were allowed to yield safely, but, before sending you out to pray over the wards, the Elders had shared some information with you.

The big stones had been carved and blessed by The Gods, creating the wards that the monsters and foul creatures couldn't reach or break. There were more like these up from the north and all the way to the south of Prythian, covering the eastern edge of the forest that divided the island in two like a wall - the human and the monster side. Since the wards were reinforced from one stone to the other, if you walked west of them they would gradually get weaker as there were no other runes to strengthen it. The Elders had told you to never walk beyond the stones in any circumstances.

You studied the mark left on the tree ahead of you. It was left as a warning, if you kept walking the Gods' protection wouldn't touch you anymore. You had walked the forest so many times and never heard any suspicious noise or seen anything out of the ordinary, a few steps away from the wards couldn't hurt.

Moving slowly and as quietly as you could, you carefully made your way to the small clearing up ahead. You didn't know why but you had expected the forest to look different beyond the wards, however all you saw were the same familiar tones of green and brown. This made you relax.

You could hear the sound of water running much clearer now which meant you had to be close to the stream you were searching for. Following the sound, you made your way across the clearing and through the trees, slowly approaching the creek.

Just as you were brushing past the last row of bushes you heard a tiny clicking noise. You felt the excruciating pain before your brain even had the time to catch up to what happened. Your body fell to the ground and a sob escaped you as you looked down at your ankle caught in a trap. You tried to pry it off your foot in desperation but the metal contraption didn't even budge with your attempts.

This had to be a trap meant for a large animal or even a monster, your strength wouldn't be of any help. You close your eyes, trying to shut the pain off and focus on a solution. Calling out for help would only attract predators. No one from the temple would be able to hear you no matter how loud you yelled, and if they could they wouldn't be stupid enough to move past the wards like you did. You're on your own. Dragging the heavy trap all the way inside the wards wouldn't work either, you probably wouldn't be able to take even a couple steps with the pain.

Opening your eyes again, your frustration gets the best of you as you start trying to get the trap off again. This was all your fault. You had been told your whole life that the wards were the only thing keeping you protected from the harsh world outside. How could you have been so foolish to think that just because you took a few walks to the forest you could brave the dangers and monsters ahead.

The pain is too much to bear, you drop your hands and let the tears flow, your body shaking with your sobs. The sound of the water running felt like it was taunting you now, you were probably the first human it saw in ages. Who else would be dumb enough to walk this far into a forest full of monsters.

You had never felt so pathetic. Even if you felt like you didn't belong at the temple, they fed you and kept a roof over your head. This had to be a punishment from The Gods' for taking their existence so lightly.

After a while your body suddenly stood still, no more quiet sobs escaping you. The forest was too quiet. You couldn't hear anything besides the water. There were no birds or even butterflies flying by. Even the wind had stopped, no longer feeling it blowing at your wet face.

You look slowly over your shoulder and it's a miracle your heart doesn't stop beating all together. There, in between the tall trees and colorful bushes, was a tall figure covered in shadows. You don't even have the time to feel any hope at being saved for the only thing you could make out were blood red eyes. A demon.

As your eyes lock with scarlet ones, you try to think of any prayer but your brain comes up empty. If you weren't so close to dying you'd laugh at the absurdity. You heard them more often than you heard your own name but now, when you truly needed them, you were coming up empty.

You could hear your own voice desperately screaming at you to look away from the creature, to try to drag yourself closer to the water. If you were lucky you'd drown before it had a chance to viciously kill you.

After what felt like a lifetime, the creature started moving, walking away from the shadows to make its way to its prey. With every step it took, the more you saw and your heart threatened to beat out of your chest. It was easily double your size, clad in some sort of leather armor that seemed to only accentuate its powerful body. There were a few daggers strapped to its body in different places. You're certain it could crush your skull beneath its foot or between its hands. At its back were two powerful wings, if it were to stretch them they could easily take up your entire field of vision. They appeared to be featherless like how bat's wings were, with sharp talons at its peaks. You note how the shadows seem to follow it, as if under command. They hover around, covering most of its body and moving over the ground like snakes.

“Looks like you need some help, little priestess.” You take longer to register its words than you'd like to admit. Not expecting it to talk to you before snapping your neck or carrying you to its home like a sack of meat. But, as you let them sink in, your body finally listens to you. You move to crawl backwards. Drowning sounds like a dream compared to the horrific pain you're sure is going to follow the demon's taunt. You barely move an inch before the pain in your foot makes itself known. A cry slipping past your lips as you look back up at the monster.

“You're only going to make it worse,” the creature drawls as it studies your trembling form. You look back up into its eyes, feeling another shiver run down your spine. Its face is an unreadable mask, not letting any emotion show. Perhaps it can't feel any. You don't understand why it won't just put you out of your misery and kill you. As you remember its earlier words, your confusion only grows.

“Why would you want to help me?” Your voice was pathetically shaking with each word but you were more than proud of yourself for speaking the words despite the fear you felt in every fiber of your being. “Is this not your trap?”

“I don't have the habit of eating humans,” it tilted its head ever so slightly as it spoke, like you were supposed to know if it liked human meat or not. The demon kept talking as it slowly took the last steps to you, as if approaching a wounded animal, “This was probably left behind by a vampire.” It crouched down closer to you, making you lean back as far away from it as the pain allowed. “They were probably expecting to get a nice deer to drain,” the corner of its mouth quirks almost imperceptibly, showing you unnaturally sharp canines, “They could only dream of catching such a sweet treat.”

You start feeling some of your fear turn into annoyance. You couldn't tell if the creature was trying to trick you or not. There was no reason to lie but maybe it liked playing with its food, sadistic as all demons were. You couldn't think of a reason for the demon wanting to help. And if it truly did then why would it be wasting time like this while you're in so much pain. You think the emotion starts showing in your eyes as its lips almost turn into an amused smirk.

“Why would you want to help me?” you repeat the question from earlier, wanting to at least get an answer out of the demon. You were starting to feel lightheaded, the bleeding hadn't stopped and the pain was getting harder to ignore, but that was good. Focusing on the pain allows you to pull back from the fear a bit.

“Letting a priestess die on our side of the forest would only bring me unnecessary trouble.” It reaches a hand out to your foot and you can't help the flinch. The demon lets out a sigh.

“You can't walk back like that,” he explains slowly, as if he was talking to a child. It looks over your mangled foot like it was the most boring thing that happened to the creature all week, and not an injury that would likely never truly heal. This is going to be the last time you'll ever walk into this forest, might even be the last time you'll be allowed outside of the temple walls if you even make it back. You have to squeeze your eyes for a moment to hold the tears in, you want to keep your eyes on him but, after everything he's already seen, you refuse to cry anymore in front of a demon. The sick monster probably enjoys it.

“I can help you.” You don't believe it. Why would you? You've heard many stories about demons and in all of them you were the prey. It said that letting you die here would only bring the demon trouble, but you can't imagine helping you would be any less troublesome.

You study the demon once again. Letting your eyes roam now that you feel calmer. It showed no signs of lying. No. He. This demon was clearly male and, to your bewilderment, treating him like an animal was leaving a sour taste in your mouth. The creature was more than capable of thought and speech, perhaps even of mercy. The demon started speaking again just as your eyes met his again.

“You'll die out here if I leave you like this. Any creature will get to you before anyone comes and saves you,” he holds your gaze with a knowing look in his eyes before continuing, “If anyone even comes looking for you at all”. They wouldn't, you both know that. You had walked past the runes meant to protect you which meant you were already dead to them. The temple would never risk any more people just to save a single priestess, definitely not one who had broken the rules. Even if you showed up now you'd be punished for that, injured or not.

When he reaches his hand out again you don't stop him. Watching as he holds each side of the trap stuck to your ankle and easily rips it open. There's no time to be impressed by the show of strength as the pain doubles, a whine escaping you. You still manage to hold onto your leg and lift your foot off the trap, eager to be away from the foul contraption. He just tosses it aside without a care before grabbing your foot surprisingly gently. You could barely recognize the mangled flesh.

A small bottle suddenly appears in his hands, seemingly out of thin air, making you jump. Magic. Aside from being twice your size and having knives strapped everywhere on his body, you almost forgot demons could also use magic. You were completely at his mercy.

“What are you doing?” You find your voice again as he uncaps the small vial and its strong scent assaults your nose. It smelled like nothing you recognized and the liquid inside seemed to somehow glow.

“This will help heal the wound,” the demon explains with a bored expression. You were starting to think he only showed emotion when he was taunting you.

“Is it like a potion?” You already knew the answer. No herbal mixture could look like that without magic involved. He only nods, as if reading your thoughts.

“So it's magic.” Humans aren't allowed to use magic. You'd be tried for heresy if anyone at the temple found out about this. Although you'd never seen any of these trials, you knew the consequent punishment was getting tied to a pyre and being burned alive. In the face of that horrible fate, losing your foot seemed like a blessing. “I can't let you do that. They'll kill me”

“You have to walk back on your own,” he seemed almost disappointed as he spoke but you couldn't understand why, “Dropping you off at the temple is not an option. They would kill you or abandon you back into the forest after socializing with a demon.”

“They could kill you too.” You want to take the words back when he smiles down at you - if you could even call it that. Even without the massive canines poking out, it would be a bone chilling smile, a predator looking at his prey. You'd be a fool to think any of them could kill him. Thankfully he deems the look on your face enough and doesn't give you another response.

“Why not just kill me?” You hope you didn't sound defeated. This whole situation was just making you beyond curious. You would have never considered in your wildest dreams that demons, of all creatures, could show you mercy.

“Is that what you want, little priestess?” He knew you didn't want to die. Some of the amusement was back, knowing you were scared of the unknown. Your world had just been turned completely upside down in mere minutes. You prayed to the Gods that the twinkle in his eyes didn't mean he could also see how excited you were to learn all this, to see it in action. You opt for a shake of your head, not wanting to give anything away.

With this he finally tips the liquid over your ankle. It stings when it comes in contact with your exposed wound but you can see the results almost immediately. If you weren't witnessing this yourself, you might not have believed it was real. Not only had the bleeding stopped but your bone was reforming itself. A few moments later, your flesh was closing up right before your eyes.

“This is one of the strongest healing potions we have. It healed the wound but your foot will only truly be back to normal by the same time tomorrow,” he looks up briefly at your face, “Since you're human it might take even longer.”

“I can't stay here that long. I'm already late,” the words almost rush out of you as you remember how long you've been out here for, “I'm only allowed out for a few hours, by now I would already be halfway back to the temple.”

“You'll be able to walk in a few moments. The only problem is the pain,” it looked like his expression shifted into a grimace for a second but it was gone too fast for you to be sure, “You'll have to bear it.”

“How am I supposed to do that?” The pain wasn't nearly as debilitating as it had been before, but it was still impossible to ignore. You weren't entirely convinced you could put any weight on your foot without falling let alone make the whole journey back.

“I'll take you as close as I can without being seen. The pain will lessen with time.” It doesn't go by unnoticed that he avoided your question. It doesn't matter how but, if you want to survive, you'll have to hide the pain. Looking down at your once pristine white dress you spot yet another problem.

“What about the blood?” Even if you jumped into the stream the stain wouldn't come out and you'd be stuck trying to explain where you found said stream. But, just as he had done countless times in the last 10 minutes, the demon solved it with a flick of his hand. You had no more strength in you to even be shocked at his blatant use of magic on you, if the temple found out about any of this they'd have to come up with a new form of punishment.

He stands up and holds out his hand to you. You stare at it for a second, trying to wrap your brain around the fact that a demon is helping you once again, but as his fingers flex you note some discomfort. This is when you realize how scarred his hand is and, after witnessing what the healing potion did just now, you can't even imagine what could have done such a thing. His discomfort must come from any insecurity or bad memories these scars hold for him. You quickly take his hand, making sure to squeeze it as you stand up, not wanting the demon to feel bad. Gods, what are you doing?

The pain was almost unbearable and you were right in thinking you couldn't hold any weight on this foot. You have no choice but to lean on the demon for support. You feel him tense slightly but you don't have time to think if demons have different views on physical touch than humans as you would fall back down if you had to stand on your own.

Suddenly he pulls you closer to his chest and, before you can ask him what he's doing, the world starts turning dark around you. It was the shadows that lingered around him before. You had completely forgotten about them given your current situation. It seems like this is some sort of power he possesses.

You're not completely sure what happened in the meantime but, when the shadows started retreating, you found yourself at the edge of the forest. Confused, you look over to the stone you have been praying to for almost a decade, and then to the basket you filled with berries. The demon had taken you back, past the wards.

“How did you do that?” You look up at his face, which is frustratingly blank. This shouldn't be possible. The wards were specifically made so creatures like him couldn't cross them, but he'd just done it so effortlessly, in mere seconds.

“It's called winnowing. We just move from one place to the other-” If you weren't so focused on the issue at hand, you'd probably be curious about that too. You cut him off before he can continue his explanation.

“No. I mean…” You take a step back feeling the pain shoot up your leg immediately. But you press on, needing to understand what is happening. “How did you get past the wards? They're meant to protect us from you.”

“They don't work on demons,” he says, like it's a basic fact. Like he just told you water is wet and not that the only thing protecting you doesn't even work.

“That's not possible,” you try to level your voice in case anyone was close enough to hear you, “These were built by The Gods to protect us from the monsters.” Your entire reality seems to be shattering around you. If the wards didn't protect you from the demons then this meant you were completely vulnerable. “I need to tell them.”

He grabs your arm loosely and turns you back to him before you can take a step. When you look up into his eyes, you can see something there but you can't quite put your finger on what it means. You don't know if all demons are this annoyingly good at masking their emotions or if you had just been blessed with a particularly infuriating one.

“Careful now, little priestess,” he whispers closer to your ear, making his voice seem even deeper than before and chills go up your spine, “What would they say if you told them you were fraternizing with a demon?”

Despite the cruelty in his tone, you knew he was right. There was no way to warn them without revealing how you got this information. You'd have to tell them you went past the wards and then had a conversation with a demon. They also hadn't witnessed how the demon helped you, so there was a really big chance they wouldn't even believe you. To say the wards didn't work was probably the highest form of heresy and you had no concrete proof of it aside from your word.

“The wards have never worked on demons and nothing ever happened,” he lets go of you, noticing you were calmer than before, though defeated was probably a better word. “You need to go back to the temple and forget any of this ever happened.”

He moves to grab your basket and hands it to you. It seems he wants to end this conversation fast. You desperately need to start walking since you're already late, but that's probably not why he's trying to get you moving. He can't be scared of being seen either, they can't hurt him if they tried. The demon takes a step back and his shadows start moving to cover him again. He's leaving.

“Don't go over the wards again.” You think he means it as a warning, but the barely there smirk he wears while saying it makes it seem more like a taunt. Maybe even a challenge. And just like that he's gone, as if he didn't completely turn your world upside down. Not even a goodbye.

As you make the walk back your brain is so full of new information that your foot doesn't even bother you too much. The demon might have been underestimating humans when he said it would take so many hours for the potion to work. By the time you make it back to the temple you only feel numb.

You can't say anything of what you've seen to anyone, you'd only be treated like an insane person and nothing would change so why bother. He was right in saying nothing ever happened so there was no reason to think it would now. This would only leave you with more questions but, as you lay down in your bed to sleep that night, the only thought running through your overwhelmed brain is that you never got to thank the demon for saving your life.

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fic #demon!azriel #divider by saradika

[honeydazai]

Ranpo/reader + Dazai Osamu ➛ getting caught

content: nsfw, teasing, semi-public sex in a storage room, degradation ("slut", "bitch", etc), vaginal sex, finger sucking, thigh grinding | reblogs & comments appreciated!

~2,6k words | ao3 link | kinktober masterlist

There was something unnatural, something outright demonic about how terribly insatiable Ranpo was.

Often, this proved to be an advantage to you — you certainly weren't complaining whenever he spent hours between your thighs, eating you out with a tongue so clever it should have been illegal, or when he kept on fucking you even after having come already, not intent on stopping until you were sobbing out his name in desperate pleas.

Right now, however, you really wished he had some more decency, because humping you in the storage room when you both should have been working was awfully risky; too risky for your tastes.

“Ranpo—, we really should get back to work. Please.” Your voice sounded breathless, and you squirmed as the edge of the shelf dug uncomfortably into the soft skin underneath your shoulder blade. “Someone's going to wonder where we disappeared to.”

“So?” Ranpo's smirk was cheeky. “Let them wonder. You don't seriously believe Kunikida is going to suspect that we're making out in here.”

“Well, no, but—” You interrupted yourself with a tiny whimper as Ranpo once more rolled his hips against yours; your eyes fell closed on instinct, lashes fluttering against your cheeks. “Please.”

“See? You just invalidated your own concerns. He's not going to look for us. Just focus on me.”

“But someone else might”, you protested weakly, your eyebrows knitted together into a frown. The thought of Yosano or even Fukuzawa finding you both in such a compromising position wasn't a pleasant one. Or, even worse—

Ranpo merely clicked his tongue at you, mirth sparkling in his eyes as he raised a shoulder in a shrug. “You'll just have to stay quiet then.” He leaned forward, lips right next to your ear, voice low; “You can do that, right? Wouldn't want anyone to hear you mewling the way you usually do on my dick, right?”

Heat rose to your cheeks at those words and you narrowed your eyes in disdain, glaring at Ranpo. “I don't mewl.”

“Sure you do.” As if to prove you wrong, his leg suddenly pushed between your thighs, spreading them, and ground down against your crotch, a smirk causing the corners of his lips to twitch upwards when your breath caught in your throat.

A choked out moan left your mouth almost on cue, your legs trying to close again on instinct — in vain, of course.

Another jerk of his leg had you whimpering, his thigh all but rubbing insistently against your cunt, and even though layers of clothing were still hindering you from skin on skin contact, the sensation was intense enough to cause you to throw your head back with a high-pitched whine.

Even worse; your arousal was drenching your panties already, and, God, how were you supposed to keep on working while wearing these once Ranpo decided he was done?

“See? You're mewling like a bitch in heat, and I barely even touched you yet.”

Sometimes you forgot just what a sharp tongue Ranpo had.

The words were crude enough to make you try and hide your face in his neck, dark hair brushing against your forehead, and Ranpo snickered.

“What, are you embarrassed? I'm just stating the facts. I bet you'll be even louder once I actually get to fuck you.”

“Ranpo”, you whined, shaking your head against his shoulder, “We can't, seriously, imagine if someone walks in on us.”

Even though that was what you were saying, desperately trying to cling to the voice of reason, you were unable to stop yourself from grinding down against his thigh as arousal coiled in your abdomen, hot and heavy and terribly persistent.

Your clit was throbbing with need, and with each roll of your hips against his leg, you gasped, faint and high-pitched noises clawing their way out of your throat.

When you took your actions into consideration, your words really weren't convincing.

It seemed Ranpo thought the same.

“Hey, I'm not keeping you from leaving.” His smirk was sleazy, green eyes half-lidded as he pulled away just far enough to get a proper look at you. “If you think it's too risky, better get back to work before anyone notices you're missing, doll. I'll just get myself off.”

You whined in response. “You're unnecessarily cruel.”

“And you're indecisive. That's worse.” With those words, Ranpo pulled his leg back to push down his trousers, carelessly letting them pool around his knees as he grabbed his dick in one hand, a tiny moan falling from his lips. “So? What will it be? Brave enough to take some risks?”

It was getting increasingly difficult to still focus on what he was saying, you noted in the back of your mind. Instead, your attention was all but drawn to the way his cock twitched in his own palm when he rubbed over the flushed head of it, smearing thin precum around, and you were unable to stop yourself from squeezing your thighs together with sudden need.

“Ranpo”, you said, his name lingering between you, thick and tension-filled, and you honestly had no idea what you had been planning to say.

Eventually, as Ranpo raised an eyebrow in anticipation, you managed to choke a plea out, though you weren't sure what exactly you were asking for.

For more or for less, or for him to finally stop jerking himself off, because the sight was seriously driving you mad; the urge to sink down to your knees and suck him off was overwhelming, and yet your cunt was all but dripping with arousal, your own wetness sticking to your inner thighs.

You seriously didn't think you'd be able to handle it if he were to tease you right now.

There were going to be numerous opportunities to let him fuck your mouth in the future. Preferably when you weren't in semi-public.

“Made a decision?” Ranpo eventually quipped, still working himself, and the way he was all but thrusting into his own fist, yet sounded entirely unaffected, made you clench around nothing.

God.

You hesitated for just a moment, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth and watching with some satisfaction as Ranpo's gaze dropped down to your mouth. “Fuck me”, you said, then adding; “Please, just be quick about it.”

Ranpo smirked, wide and all teeth. “With pleasure, darling.”

A second later, you were being turned around, your cheek pushed against the shelf. Despite the position being anything but comfortable, you didn't protest when he flipped your skirt up, greedy hands going straight for your thighs, kneading soft skin through the thin fabric of your tights, only for them to rip a few moments later under his nails.

Your breathing stuttered in your chest as your legs were spread wide apart, your panties pushed down, and the fat head of Ranpo's dick nudged against your cunt. “You're absolutely terrible. I hope you'll get me a new pair.”

“You look prettier without them anyway.” Ranpo merely shrugged, unbothered, and just as you were about to say that this didn't get rid of the actual problem, it being the terribly obvious hole right over your crotch, he pushed into you with one smooth thrust.

The sudden stretch caused you to gasp, your back arching as you scrambled for purchase, finding nothing but a few old documents and the shelf's edge to hold onto.

“You could've at least prepared me.” Your voice was trembling. Luckily, Ranpo at least gave you a few seconds to adjust to his size before he pulled out of you, only to thrust back in, his narrow hips slapping against your plush ass.

“Thought you wanted me to be quick about it.” His smirk was audible in his voice. “Besides, you're wet enough to take me either way.”

You weren't able to do much more than whimper in response. At a particularly sharp thrust, your knees buckled underneath your own weight and a high-pitched cry, terrifyingly loud, left your mouth.

Ranpo whistled. “Seems like you really want to be caught”, he commented, the teasing tone to his voice mean; one hand of his rested on your hip as his pace increased, his thrusts deep enough to make you moan again and again, even as you shook your head almost feverishly.

“No? Are you sure? If you wouldn't want that, you'd at least try to keep quiet, but I don't see you biting down on your lip or even just holding your hand in front of your mouth.”

The words earned another whimper from you; this time, you felt oddly caught, like you had been trying to draw attention to you on purpose, though that couldn't have been farther away from the truth.

“I bet you'd just love it if someone were to see you like this, spread open on my dick. Our lovely secretary, always ready to help us detectives out, even if it's just by spreading her pretty legs.” A quiet laugh as you clenched instinctively around him; a reaction based on humiliation not guilt, you were sure. “See? I knew it.”

You were panting by now, your eyelids drooping and whole body shaking. It was terribly obvious that Ranpo's grip on your hip was the only thing still keeping you standing as he ground his hips against yours with slow and deep thrusts that had you tightening, wet walls pulsing.

Your mewls turned more needy the closer you got, impatience obvious in your whiny tone, and just as you were sure you were about to come did Ranpo stop moving at once.

An unhappy noise left your mouth, but before you were able to complain, two lithe fingers pushed past your lips, effectively gagging you.

Moments later, you finally realised why Ranpo had stopped his merciless pace — there were steps, light and irregular, approaching the exact storage room you were currently hiding in.

There was no lock on the door.

You tensed, clenching around Ranpo's dick without meaning to; the action earned you a barely stifled grunt.

“Guess your kink about getting caught is going to become reality”, he said, his raspy voice right next to your ear. “Hope it's not the President.”

Just as you were about to tell him to shut up, the steadily growing louder noise of dress shoes against tiles stopped.

Then, sunlight from outside flooded your sight and your breath caught in your throat as someone stepped into the tiny room, immediately closing the door again.

Your eyes widened as they met dark brown ones.

“My, my; now would you look at that?” Dazai's teasing tone made your blood run cold; ice water coursing through your veins as the terrifying reality of the situation sunk in. “Someone's avoiding work, it seems. How terribly naughty of you both.”

Ranpo scoffed. “And what are you doing in here? Definitely not working, it appears.”

God, he was still inside of you, his dick hard and hot and so close to nudging against your g-spot, and yet his voice sounded entirely unaffected.

That shouldn't have been quite this hot.

“Ah, you caught me. Clever as always, Ranpo.” Dazai's smile was cheeky. “I'm hiding from Kunikida. I'm sure he'll cave and do my paperwork if I'm not around.”

“Seems we both need this room then.”

“Yes, it seems so.”

Suddenly, Ranpo thrust into you, his hips slapping against your plush ass, and you all but keened at the sudden stimulation.

A mere second later, however, you found yourself to be nothing but terrified.

“Ranpo”, you choked out, horrified and with wide eyes, though you clenched around his dick on pure instinct; “God, Ranpo, stop, we can't—”

Your face was tingling with heat and embarrassment, and your sudden humiliation only worsened when he didn't stop; instead, he picked up his previous rhythm again, slow deep thrusts that had you whimpering and whining.

“Why should I?” You were able to all but feel Ranpo's lips curl into a smirk against your throat. “You're enjoying yourself quite a lot. I don't see a reason to stop, darl.”

A choked out noise left your lips. “But Dazai—”

“Saying another man's name while it's Ranpo fucking you?” Dazai suddenly quipped, his eyes alight with amusement. “That's rather impolite, bella. I'm just saying, but I'd be quite upset if I were him.”

As if to prove a point, two of Ranpo's fingers, still wet with your saliva, squeezed your pebbled nipple, meanly enough to make you shriek.

Tears welled up in your eyes, embarrassment blooming hot and heavy in your chest. “Ranpo, but he's—”

Dazai smirked, wide and feral. “Please, don't stop on my account.”

Ranpo huffed out a laugh, his breath warm against your neck. “See? He doesn't mind”, he said, and that was that.

Moments later, he reached down with one hand, lithe fingers circling around your throbbing clit, and you whimpered as your knees buckled, your head spinning. Your chest was heaving with each sharp inhale you took, your nipples rubbing against the fabric of your blouse, and you briefly wondered that you were still able to stand with how weak you felt.

At once, you noticed the wet clicking noise distinct in the room, not quite matching the rhythm of Ranpo's movements. It took you a while to figure out that it came out of Dazai's direction.

You regretted looking up the moment your eyes met his.

Dazai had sat down on the edge of a cupboard, leaning back leisurely, and one hand of his was steadily jerking his own dick off, his thumb swiping over the fat head of his cock. Precum dribbled down the girth of it while he held your gaze, entirely unashamed; smug, if anything.

The sight tore an unexpected moan from you, your walls pulsing around Ranpo's dick, and Dazai's smile widened.

“Someone's naughty”, he cooed, voice all but dripping with mirth as he tilted his head to the side, the motion oddly feline. A cat that had already caught the canary. “Do you enjoy watching me get myself off? My, that's so lewd, love.”

You merely whimpered in response while pointedly turning your head away again — or at least trying to do so. The second you hid your face in the crook of your elbow, Ranpo's hand fisted in your hair, grabbing a good chunk of it to keep you from doing so, and the sudden blur of pain and pleasure pushed you over the edge.

You came with a high-pitched moan, and it didn't take much more than a few thrusts until Ranpo spilled inside of you, liquid warmth filling you up as a whine left his mouth.

"You look terribly adorable like this, darling”, Dazai crooned, his tone patronising, and you pressed your lips together tightly to avoid making any humiliating noises as Ranpo pulled out, your loose cunt immediately clenching around nothing.

Not that the situation was able to get even worse.

Dazai eventually reached his own orgasm with an undoubtedly exaggerated moan, though you weren't about to call him out for the deliberate way his head fell back, exposing his throat, as he thrust into his hand; not when the picture was one for the Gods.

Eventually, when your breathing had calmed down, you huffed, your eyes narrowed. Despite the way you glared at them both, you doubted you looked all that intimidating right now. Ranpo's cum was still dripping down your thigh. “I'm starting to think you both planned this.” Your voice trembled.

Dazai glanced at you. “And why would we do that?”

“Like I know.” The second you took a step forward, planning to leave the storage closet quickly and rush to the bathroom, your legs gave out. It was only thanks to Ranpo's sudden grip on your hip that you didn't fall, and before you knew it, he pushed you down onto Dazai's lap, green eyes sparkling with amusement. “But I know you did.”

“You're being paranoid, bella.” His grin told you you were being anything but. Not that you got any opportunity to respond; moments later, long fingers pushed into your mouth, sticky with cum. “Be good and clean that up for me, will you?”

➛ tags: @beandaifuku @what-the-stories-have-foretold @lafxox @alpaca-lad @elizaboba @mrsdostoevsky @poptartkingsworld @imchiiii @empresspug @lwqfhp @slvdsjjk @lqurelhell @shinchilo @06charlie06 @69doing @onlinewhisper14 @one4rin @hugs-for-drugs-bro @kasperlive @elebeleb @lauritt @akxtagawaxryxn0sxke @fyodorscumsock @brookesensei @caboline @ashthemadwriter @aku-ryu @owosamu @silverquackson @rakasworld @titamaow @cookieshinigami @beesbeesbees @fiveangrybees @dazaistiddy @pitynoir @random-names-stuff @honie-bunny @angelsrunes @peachy123 @walkingwasteofbandages @deepsweetsbasement @strawberrynamedtobi @cl-0-vr @reihimbo @itssara-chan @gnfwol @nobutyes0 @josie-jovan @leviamere

➛ if you comment i will kiss you on the mouth

@mikayylw @raineandcl0uds @nikolaigulper3000 @nikolaisgoofyahhhat @dazaisdicksleeve @blueberry-writer @dainsleif-when-playable @raybedo @chaotic-maki @mewoeee @iycsano @moonssandstars @kazuxe @jolly04 @shybarbariancoffee @aspookyscaryghost @maddenleftchat @whynothdif @sixfilthyrats @sykkeee @ke1r0u @shsl-supreme-simp @rodoyf @voyagewiththesatan @rylerboi @paula-O-Ox @pigeons-are-rad @dzaixchuu

#bsd smut #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #bsd fanfic #bsd imagines #bsd headcanons #ranpo smut #ranpo x reader #ranpo bsd #ranpo bungou stray dogs #ranpo x you #ranpo x y/n #ranpo fanfic #ranpo imagines #ranpo headcanons #Dazai smut #Dazai x reader #Dazai imagines #Dazai x you #Dazai bsd #dazai headcanons #Dazai x y/n #Dazai fanfic #bungou stray dogs headcanons #bungou stray dogs smut #Bungo Stray dogs smut #Bungo Stray dogs x reader #Kinktober #bungo stray dogs imagines

[kateeorg]

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks "Magneto was right" is bullshit? And really dangerous rhetoric to be spreading? I'm not really an X-Men fan, so maybe my opinion is invalid, but... (a venting rant, please ignore unless you are curious, not judgmental)

Look.

It's one thing for Magneto to be right within the universe of X-Men -- any X-Men iteration -- which gives a lot of evidence that the humans of that universe WON'T change and WILL see mutants dead before they are accepted.

Fine. Whatever.

But considering how so many see X-Men as a reflection of real world issues... we're really going this route? We're really saying violence and war is the only option?

Because people WILL map this onto real-world issues that they really shouldn't be. But the real world isn't a comic book. The conflicts are not oversimplified, and the "oppressed" and "oppressors" aren't always as clear as people think. More often, there is real hurt on both sides, and multiple facets the news can't capture.

Sometimes, both sides are violent assholes. And they will hold on to their rightness, to their feelings of being the only "oppressed" ones, to justify horrible things.

And who gets caught in the crossfire? We do. Ordinary people just trying to get by.

And the other thing is, violence and extremism makes for a better story, doesn't it? Better comics, better photos, better news readership. Peace... real peace is hard. It doesn't photograph well, like protest does. It needs to constantly be maintained, constant compromises. It doesn't make for a good movie, does it? Not a superhero movie, anyway. Or TV show.

It requires a maturity that most people? Will never reach.

Including the writers.

So screw your "Magneto was right". Maybe I'm wrong. I probably am! I'm probably letting my emotions about real world events get in the way. I don't like conflict or picking sides by nature, even when it's justified, and some will see that as a weakness of my character. Fine.

But I'm sorry, I just ... I refuse to accept that. Because I worry who is going to use that phrase as a rallying cry in the real world. And who will get hurt as a result because someone decided they "deserved" that.

This is also why I'm frankly not excited to bring the X-Men into the MCU. Because where there are X-Men, irrational hatred must follow, and I just... I don't want to see the MCU devolve into that. It will, of course, the die has been cast, but... I'm sad it came to that, because I'm not sure I trust the MCU writers as things stand to get this right.

In a world of superheroes and flying ships, the thing that takes real imagination is to see a world where peace is possible.

I'm not sure I'll ever have the writing chops to do it myself. But I endeavor to try harder than the X-Men writers clearly ever have.

Actually, I think Wonder Woman said it best: "It's not about deserve. It's about what you believe. And I believe in love."

#rant post #x-men #magneto was right criticism #x-men 97 #peace #overthinking #speculative fiction #please ignore me #magneto was right

[blackopals-world]

Room to Grow

Pregnant Gardener!FemYuu x Vil Schoenheit

Vil's been watching her like a hawk since the announcement. No gardening until the baby is born. Unfortunately, his wife was ornery as always.

Note: They're married? I know, I'm surprised too.

"They're doing it wrong," Yuu grumbled as she stared out the window.

"I'll be fine." Vil reassured her while drinking his morning shake.

"They are trimming too much." Yuu griped.

"They are trained professionals, Liebling." Vil said again. They had been doing this for months and only have a few left.

She hated people going into her garden but it was a part of the compromise when she got pregnant. She wasn't allowed to come in contact with dirt because Vil was too worried about her and the baby's health. Her immune system was lowered after all.

But people have been having babies since before germ theory and they were fine. Hell her own grandmother had a baby out in the field, swaddled it, and continued with the harvest. Her mother gave birth to her in the morning and by noon she was back to tilling.

Vil wasn't impressed. He asked her to take this seriously and not try to waddle off as soon as the baby gets here.

Yuu felt he was only doing this because of all the pregnancy books he's read. It's nature, not rocket science.

People wonder how they ended up together when they disagreed on almost everything. The truth was they fell in love because they both learned to compromise. They were both extremely but when they meet in the middle their lives are better.

"Can't I just tell them not to trim the marigolds yet, or to keep the leftover roots for the compose?" Yuu whined as Vil pulled her to sit down on the couch.

"Nope, because that'll turn into you showing them how to do it. I'll tell them." Vil pushed her to lay back and rest her feet.

"But, Mo ghrá!" She weakly protested.

"You should focus on staying calm and resting. Your health is our baby's health. Can't garden on swollen ankles." Vil had hoped that his wife's stubbornness would lose against how tired she'd get as she grew. But that wouldn't be his wife and the woman he loved. If anything she was more active, to the point she scared him. All her pint-up energy from lack of gardening was driving her nuts.

"Mo ghrá, I can't just sit around all da-AAAYY!" Her voice shot up as a well-placed kick from her belly made her jump.

"You should listen, even they agree," Vil said placing a hand on her swollen stomach. "That's my little Schnucki. You agree with daddy, don't you?

There was another kick as the baby felt the light pressure of Vil's hand. Vil smiled widely as he kissed his pouting wife.

"Is this what I have to look forward too. They haven't even been born yet and they are already choosing your side." Yuu groaned and pulled Vil's hand to wrap around her. If she was stuck here she demanded comfort in her reluctantly fragile condition.

"If it matters that much then let's have another and we'll ask their opinion."He said smugly.

"Coming from the guy who was scared the moment I brought up having one child. You sure are eager. Well have this one then we'll see if you like it." Yuu hardly believed what she was hearing. Vil has changed.

"It couldn't hurt to consider but it's whatever you want, Liebling."

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland yuu #twisted wonderland x reader #twst yuu #vil schoenheit #twisted wonderland vil #twst vil #vil shoenheit x reader #gardener!yuu

[angel4astraea]

strong believer that dottore has an opposite partner. . . but realistic version !

♡ to be honest, i don't think he'd purposefully look for someone who was different. he's a literal criminal who does vile things to other human beings

♡ everything in his personal life (if he has one) is locked up tight within his own confines of his chest. he's cold but logical, meaning that brain comes over heart. .

♡ with a person who is the complete opposite, things such as personality, style, habits, thinking, etc, he'd be so irritated at first lol. as he got used to your antics, maybe he'd find them somewhat amusing. . especially if you're working under him or beside him.

♡ if you were expecting an epic romance falling, you are sorely wrong. it takes so much to even have someone be in the same space as him when he's working. he's a high and mighty harbinger, he thinks that weaknesses (human emotions) would hinder the fatui's business.

♡ but if you do crack his first shell, you'll definitely know. he'll have you write notes while he speaks aloud when experimenting. . which is huge.

♡ as soon as you do make progress, he'll probably try to push you away. it's probably involuntary as he does it with everyone and thing. if you stay, his confidence with you rises steadily. anything that seems shaky will hinder the progress.

♡ when it gets to the point where he acknowledges something is going on, he talks with you directly. he's blunt with his thoughts and feelings, telling the truth instead of hiding it beneath tricks and tribulations. when that's over with, he'll let you make a decision over a couple days as he also needs to understand the gravity of what might happen to you if he doesn't succeed with his work and goals. pierro could use that against him as blackmail and he couldn't afford to be put down.

♡ when you two do eventually start dating, dates are meticulously planned between his trips and work. he tries his best and sometimes it isn't perfect like he anticipated. even though things can fall through, he still makes sure to make you feel appreciated and loved.

♡ if he's in sumeru, he's definitely cautious when you ask to come along. but that's the time he literally took two gnosis' from nahida so he declined that round. however, he does take you under disguise once.

♡ i believe that the whole "future" talk wouldn't come up until you two are trench deep into the relationship. i'm thinking six months? eitherway, he's clear on his wishes but is willing to hear you out; he doesn't want kids but he would like to marry you. the whole murderous father thing doesn't stick well with him. . you can't blame him.

♡ if you do want kids, he won't shut you down. i mean, he could literally make a child for you and him via his vast knowledge and DNA. that's if you couldn't carry one at the very least. he'll compromise with you about kids, the cutoff is two.

♡ strong believer in the importance of traditional marriages on his end. he might not follow any ethics in the lab but when it comes to something as sacred as this, he does want something normal. i'm thinking he'd want something related to his heritage and home country, sumeru but also something snezhnayian.

♡ would prob marry you around 3 years of dating ngl. even if it seems quick (at least in my opinion), he finds normalcy in this affectionate system you two have created.

♡ bedroom wise. . i think in the early stages of the relationship, he wouldn't initiate anything for the sake of not spoiling the reveal after months of building up bliss and curiosity. i don't care, he's not as big as a whore!

♡ when you do finally get into it, he's mindful about boundaries and whatnot. he also has to be careful with his teeth because they are both pointy and sharp. he hopes you won't kick him to the couch if he accidentally forgets one too many times about his teeth.

♡ i think he's a top but it varies. like, he can be soft when you ask but he can also be rough. his actions rely on your wants, icks and emotions. as much as he likes to say he isn't great with the whole "complex human brain immediately", he still can pick up whatever you're feeling based on faces, habits and even how you breathe.

♡ in my opinion, i believe that he is banned from giving head with teeth and sex in the lab. not explaining.

♡ overall, he's a decent person to be with but it is a LOT of work.

#genshin impact #headcannon #reader #genshin smut #x reader #genshin impact x reader smut #gender neutral reader #dottore #genshin impact dottore #fatui x you #fatui x reader #yaaaas

[homunculus-argument]

One of my favourite finnish words, which is somewhat of a neologism, is sääntöuskovainen. A lot of finnish nouns come from verbs with different suffixes, and the word "religion", uskonto, is one of the -nto ones, like

asunto - apartment - from "asua", "to live [in a place]"

keksintö - invention - from "keksiä", "to invent, to come up with"

lausunto - statement, verdict - from "lausua", "to pronounce, to speak out, to recite"

avanto - a hole which has been cut into ice - from "avata", "to open"

käytäntö - custom, convention, policy - from "käyttää", "to use"

So the words with the -nto suffix are somewhat of a flexible collection of "a thing which exists for this purpose, or was born from this action/activity". And the word uskonto comes from "uskoa", to believe in. Finnish has a handful of different verbs for believing something, but uskoa is the one for trusting in something, having faith in it, relying on the knowledge that something is the way one believes it is. There's a different word for not being sure of something, but suspecting that it might be true (arvella), and believing something that is wrong altogether (luulla).

So the word uskovainen, religious person, literally "believer", doesn't strictly clarify that the thing one believes in is a matter of faith, save for that being the most common and conventional use. The word "sääntö" simply means "rule" (and while it looks like one, it is actually not one of the noun-from-verb types mentioned earlier), so the word sääntöuskovainen more or less means "rule-religious". And while it could be interpreted as "person who practices their religion by strictly committing to the religion's rules", I've mainly seen it used the other way around: A person who commits to any given rules with the same reverence as a religious person practices their religion.

My sister used to have a rule-religious dog. A shepherd breed, highly intelligent, with the kind of ridig sense of righteousness and duty that medieval ideals of chivalry could only aspire for. Sirius was wasted as a family dog, to be honest. He could be set loose to the yard with no leash to go pee and play because you could absolutely trust that he would not leave the premises, he Was Not Allowed to do that with no leash on. He could do his business and throw some toys around with someone just standing at the door to supervise. Once called back inside, he could be trusted to drop everything and obey.

The dogs we had at the time had outdoor toys and indoor toys, and an understanding that they can't take inside doors outside, or outside toys outside. But this one time when I was letting him out, he managed to smuggle an inside toy out with him. I figured that screw it, he's already out with it, might as well let him play with it out there just this once. When his time was up and it was time to call him back in, he dropped the toy. I gestured him to pick up first, and bring it back inside with him.

Sirius halted, staring at me. I don't think I'm stretching it much to say that he hesitated. He had understood and followed commands more complex than that before, I have no doubt that he understood perfectly what I wanted him to do. I repeated my words and gestures, pointing at the toy and telling him what to do with it. He looked at the toy, and then back to me. Very rare dogs have the capacity to understand human gestures as nuanced as pointing at something, some even claim that no such dogs exist, but they do, and Sirius was one of them. He understood exactly what I wanted him to do.

I wanted him to break the rules. Outdoor Toys do not go indoors. He had already broken the law once by bringing it out with him, and as far as he was concerned, it had now become an outside toy. And in his heart full of canine concept of justice and righteousness, The Rules were absolute, and would not be compromised. Not even to follow a clear and explicit human command to go against them.

I had to put my shoes on and go get the toy myself.