#because i can see myself in the future doing it again and not wanting to color it pfff

[bilal-salah0]

Before the war, after I left Gaza for Germany, I used to call my dad almost everday and tell him about my day. He would tell me how everyone else was doing and say that Salah,my little nephew, kept asking where I was.

Now, I hardly ever reach my parents or any of my siblings.I don't think Salah even remembers who I am any more as he struggles to carry water containers. I always find myself agonizing and wondering if I'll ever meet my family again, whether the newborns will see me one day and know that their uncle longs to hold them in his arms.

Every time I look at my dad's picture in our home, smiling and surrounded by his grandchildren, it breaks my heart into a million pieces. The house he dreamed the kids would grow up in was leveled to the ground in a split second. Nothing is left, not even both his shoe shops where he worked so hard to build a future for us all. My siblings are unable to work or finish their studies. There are no schools left for the children. There is no proper food, water, or sanitation, no life; only death and rubble all around.

When my brother sent me a photo of my dad lighting a fire, he still had that same old smile on his face. I was relieved to see him somewhat hopeful but it broke my heart even more. My father is the most resilient and hard-working man I've ever known. He always supported us in whatever we wanted to achieve. His only hope was that his grandkids would grow up safely and happily in their home. He never complained from work and taught us the true meaning of sacrifice and perseverance. Instead of living peacefully with his family, he, the kids, and everyone else have to endure life in a makeshift tent,God knows for how much longer, while their lives are constantly threatened by airstrikes, starvation, and disease. No child, elder, or adult should go through such hardships for this long.

As the injustice persists, we only find solace and hope because the free people of this world are still standing with us. Please continue to support us any way you can. I don't even have the words any more to say how grateful I am to everyone. You have already done so much for us but we need you now more than ever.

Please donate if you can and reblog as many times as possible.

#save 🍉 #palestine 🍉 #freepalastine🇵🇸 #free gaza #free palestine 🇵🇸

[maxwellatoms]

I bought a Gartenmeister Fuchsia plant for my birthday back in January. It was a centerpiece all winter long, but recently it started looking a bit sickly. I'm not a "green" gerdener anymore (haha), but I am also by no means a master. I think it was infected with powdery mildew, but I also convinced myself it was spider mites. I try to keep things all -natural out there, so I dried it out and sprayed it with some neem oil after pruning it back a bit. I really should've pruned off all of the infected bits, but I didn't want to lose the flowers.

I did that a few more times, unable to commit to a hard prune because I kept telling myself "I don't know what I'm doing, so maybe it's not sick. Maybe it'll fix itself. Sure would be nice to have those flowers back." I finally gave up and cut it to the bone yesterday, but yesterday was too late. I had to remove every single leaf because I dithered for too long. It's probably not going to make it.

I feel the same way about our culture. US culture. Western culture (though its really a global problem). The Entertainment Industry. The Media. It's sick. We probably need some rather serious surgery to fix the problem, but we just will not see a doctor. To see a doctor would be to admit there's a problem, and for some that is the greatest sin of the 21st Century. Maybe some of us are just hoping the system will recover on its own so we can have our pretty flowers back.

For me, it was around 2010 or so when I first started to smell something "off". The symptoms had certainly been around a while. This was just when I noticed. This was when I got my first, "Hey, let's not make fun of corporations" note. It's when The History Channel stopped airing stuff about history in favor of aliens because that's where the money was. And rather than rebranding, they just left it as "History", encouraging future generations to believe whatever they felt like. This was also about when traditional news outlets started skewing to clickbait in order to compete with sites that were clearly 100% not legitimate news sites. Again, as long as the money is right it's "just entertainment" and you' can're welcome to believe it if it means you'll watch more.

I'm all-in on Dead Internet Theory now. The disparity between what major news media outlets will report and what you see from actual people on Tumblr or Threads or Reddit is pretty shocking. And those sites are already compromised by bots and bad actors. The tools exist now to actively bamboozle millions of people, and I have no doubt we're already seeing some of this now. In six months or a year you'll find out it (whatever it was) never happened or was generated by an LLM. The time to stop listening to anyone online was a year ago.

Trust no one.

Not even me!

It's cultural rot. It's spreading faster and faster, and I'm not sure what happens when we get to the end of this ride. Actually, I AM sure what happens. If we don't prune back hard now, then the rot takes over. Best-case, you clip the infected branches off too late and it takes years to recover. Worst case? Nature soldiers on but the plant succumbs to infection and dies completely, replaced (eventually) by something that can actually hack it in that spot.

When humans produce art and information, and then comment on that art and information by producing more art and information, we call it "culture". We're moving toward a time when the vast majority of art and ideas we get out eyes on won't be created by humans. Or at the very least won't be created with the purpose of commenting on or enriching the organic human experience. When that happens, what will we call it? What will remain of our culture?

#maxwell atoms #entertainment industry #media #rot #grim reaper

[habken]

Izuku and Katsuki Hospital Comic - Thoughts and Process

I wanted to talk about the process and my thoughts while making this comic! Cause it was A Lot of planning and I feel like talking about how I went about it could maybe be helpful for other people who wanna make comics too ?

Also I just like talking and I've had So Many thoughts about it over the last few months, I just need to get them all out lol

everything is under the cut (it's Very Long) ↓↓↓

Initial Thoughts

I started planning the comic in January, around the time the chapter with the second user's plan to transfer ofa to shigaraki came out. I remember feeling so anxious and sad seeing how devastated Deku was to lose the 'gift' that All Might had passed to him :'((

It made me start thinking about what it would be like to not only go from having all this insane power at your fingertips back to nothing, but also how it would feel to lose the vestiges, which had been his advisers, yapping in his ear and keeping him company for months. How it would feel to go from constantly having people looking over your shoulder back to silence.

Then I thought about what that would mean for his and Bakugou's relationship, which has developed so much over the series. How Bakugou would feel about Deku no longer having ofa, how the two of them would wrestle with old feelings now that Deku would be quirkless again. Bakugou having to face the kid he bullied and Deku going back to a state where the world saw him as "useless" with dreams too big for somebody without a quirk.

I feel like sometimes it's not really taken into account how Deku's past affects him in the present, and that goes for in the actual series as well. Considering he's the main character, it's funny that we never really get too much of a peak inside his mind lol, especially not recently, which is most likely intentional, but I digress.

What I really wanted to do for this comic was circle back to Deku's question to All Might at the start of the series, "can I become a hero without a quirk" because while yes, deku can be a hero, he had to get a quirk to do so. So what happens now that he no longer has it? After all of Bakugou and Deku's development, would Bakugou's opinion on deku pursuing his dreams while quirkless change?

I really didn't want that answer to be no. I didn't want to believe that Deku would have to give up and "be realistic" again, it just didn't feel right for that to be the answer after 400 chapters.

So I wanted to make something that would encapsulate those thoughts! And I felt like the best way to fully get that out was through a scene in the aftermath of the battle, the two of them in the hospital with nothing to do but talk about their feelings.

It was important to me that the doubts they both felt about the future were stomped out, and for there to be reassurance that things between them wouldn't snap back to how it was before UA. That Deku could still reach his dreams even if they did become harder to obtain.

I also felt like narratively it would be a good parallel if Bakugou were to lose something tied to his power too, and with his arm being so bad off in canon, I thought it made sense that there was a chance he could lose it forever.

So it's like they're both coming out of the final battle worse off with huge losses, but no matter what, they're going to fight to achieve their dreams, and they're going to do it side by side :')

At its core, it’s very self indulgent lmao, I didn’t think that we’d get something that sappy and gross in canon (😳) so I wanted to make something for myself :')

Planning

So then I made a first draft!

When I’m making bigger comics, thumbnails are super helpful! They help me see the full picture of what it could look like, and let me change things without putting in too much commitment. So most of the drawings are loose, but occasionally I’ll put in a little extra detail into things that I want to make sure are included in the final work.

There’s three main things I consider when thumbnailing for comics; expression, composition, and dialogue. Each of these things have a huge influence on each other, so keeping them all in mind when roughing out your drawings is important!

How it usually works is I play out the scene in my head like a movie and roughly come up with dialogue, then I draw characters and expressions based on that dialogue and the visions I had. Simultaneously I plan out approximately where those drawings will go/how much space they'll take up and finally, I add in the dialogue and move things around as needed so everything fits nice together.

Having the dialogue there in the draft lets me know around how big the speech bubbles are gonna be which is a massive help when figuring out paneling. It lets me plan around the bubbles and make sure nothing is too squished!

General tips:

Something I learnt from storyboarding is that establishing a setting for your scene at the start is really important! Most of my comics will start with a long shot or include one early on for this reason. It’s good for making sure readers aren’t confused on where everything is taking place!

Having a variety of shots is good for keeping your story engaging! This comic has a lot of closeups, but I tried to add variety where I could and used a lot of different angles to keep things entertaining even if there isn't that much going on

Final thoughts on this draft:

At this stage, the ending was really different from the final version I ended up with. It was a lot more focused on Bakugou's losses too and the vibe was kinda "well we're both nerfed now but that's chill we can still be heroes." I axed most of that cause I thought it was dumb and wasn’t really the conclusion I wanted lol

After the rough draft, I started sketching everything out and adding in panels based on the composition from the og thumbnails. I also changed the dialogue as I went, focusing on making it sound more natural and easy to read.

This is where the nuances in movement and expression became a bit more refined and speech bubbles where better planned out.

At this stage, establishing clarity and imagining how readers are going to move their eye along the page is really important. Comics are generally read left to right, but you can’t just assume people are going to automatically read it in the order you want, which is why panels and speech bubble locations are so important.

Tips:

A general rule is that along with going from left to right, speech bubbles should be in descending order. This can be broken a bit, but it’s important to remember that the rule is there in the first place for clarity's sake. So if you do plan on breaking it, make sure it's not at the sacrifice of legibility. The human eye is lazy and will jump to whatever seems most logical, so planning things out in a confusing manner is going to make your comic hard to read!

This is another thing I picked up from storyboarding, but keeping in mind the 180° rule is good for clarity as well! In the simplest of terms, if you have two characters in a scene, it’s good to keep character A on one side and character B on the other, and not switch those sides willy-nilly, otherwise it can get confusing. This isn't as important in comics as it is in film/television, but I still like keeping it in mind.

Final thoughts:

I hated the original ending but I couldn't exactly figure out how I wanted it to go, and I was too busy at that point to dedicate the time I needed towards it, so it stayed as these four panels for while :’)

During the period I stopped working on it, Deku lost his arms which had me panicking lmao, so much of the comic was devoted to his emotions and body language, specifically in his hands. I just went "am I gonna have to redo everything? Do I give him prosthetics?" and I was fully ready to rework the entire thing but Eri came in clutch for Deku (and me) <3

After Deku started getting hurt, I didn't really like the idea of him being discharged and sitting with a still injured Katsuki, and wanted it to be clear that they were both still in the hospital, so I had to axe poor Deku's "hospital gown" shirt for actual hospital garb </3

At some point during april-ish, I finally added in a new beginning and end, which took the comic from four pages to seven. I felt like the new parts added a lot more levity and humour which were needed, and I think it helped make Izuku and Katsuki feel closer than before.

For these pages, I skipped the thumbnail stage and jumped straight into full page stuff, which felt easier because they were kind of just add-ons.

Something I specifically liked were the first two panels in the last page. Fun fact, but a few days after I sketched those out, horikoshi released that art of to two of them smiling together and I went !! That's the vibe I wanted !! Me and Horikoshi are on the same wavelength! That was a good day lmao.

At this point, though, while new parts added a lot more to the story and brought it closer to the vibe I wanted, they also messed with the tone and overall pacing and it ended up feeling really off. Deku was now doing this weird 180 from being super sad and upset to then immediately joking around and goofing off with no acknowledgement of anything Katsuki was saying, which had been fine enough when it was just 4 panels, but very off-putting once I made the comic longer

...So I decided to add even more panels :')

I went back to my original ideas, and part of what I wanted to get across originally was the doubts about Izuku's future from here on out, and the worry that things would go back to how they were before he got ofa. I realized those initial things which had fueled the comic were no longer really part of it, and I wanted to change that.

When I thought up the idea of visuals surrounding their middle school selves, I felt so smart LMAO. I think it ended up being the thing that brought the entire comic together.

Izuku reverting back to that anxious, unconfident state, spiralling into himself, and mumbling out all his insecurities, including his fears about losing Katsuki's friendship (and yet still somehow more worried about Katsuki's feelings than his own). And in turn, Katsuki remembering and seeing Izuku as that kid again, and his own fears of becoming a bully once more.

It better explored what I wanted to originally get across and delved more into their feelings, so that the jokes and levity at the end felt like they were earned, rather than being a rapid shift in tone.

(The only other thing that changed was the some of the panels in the first page. I changed up the speech bubbles and got rid of a panel so it would be less cramped and easier to read.)

At this point, I was still having trouble figuring out how to tie everything in and segway pages 6-7 into the ending organically, so it sat like this for around a month.

Then chapter 423 released and the battle was over and I realized how little time I actually had to get the comic out. I knew that the next chapter could possibly make my entire comic obsolete, so I hauled ass :D

These were the final plans before I cleaned everything up! I changed around some of the panels to make the story flow better, I figured out how to tie everything in, and I finalized the dialogue!

At this point all the panelling was redone because I wanted more space in between them. Before, it felt really cramped and I think adding in more breathing room made it feel slightly less overwhelming for readers.

The biggest changes from the previous draft:

First, obviously, I finished the middle school stuff and figured out how to get from one part to the next. This was the hardest part of the planning, but I ended up deciding that Deku would spiral, Bakugou would kind of bring him out of that, they'd hug and then Bakugou would reassure him. I also included motifs relating to their childhood to be reminiscent of The Apology, and Katsuki's thoughts going back to them sharing the special All Might cards, them at the lake, etc. As if this was another healing moment for each part of them; their current selves, their MS selves, and their childhood selves too

I then changed some of the panels in the first page. I switched the direction of the diagonal line in the first few panels because I thought it made it more clear which way to start reading and made the comic flow better.

In the fourth page, I added a panel after Deku starts crying, because I felt like it worked better with the dialogue, and brought in more of Katsuki's POV into the story

The sixth page doesn't really look different, but there was a lot of resizing going on panel-wise. The bottom panel doesn't take up as much space and the panels up top are a little bigger

The final big change was the eighth page. I added in an extra panel and changed up a lot of expressions/dialogue so there was more of a natural transition between the heartfelt moments and the two goofing off

I then made some final changes and drawover notes before I started a week of cleanup and colouring!

Cleanup/Colouring Stage

Cleaning up my sketches usually just means duplicating the layer, putting the original layer at 5% opacity and.. cleaning it until it looks nice lol. It's the easiest way for me to work because I hate doing lineart.

This is what my sketch vs final usually looks like. The biggest change was adding in bandages into all the drawings lol.

For speech bubbles, I drew them all by hand, created a flat colour layer underneath in white, duplicated that and filled it in with black and shifted it with the transformation tool to make a drop shadow effect.

It took me two days to colour the whole thing :')

Usually when I colour, I work in a pretty painterly way, but I thought flats/cell shading would be a lot faster for this. I was right but it still took Very Long.

The smartest thing I did was put colour swatches of each colour I was using on a separate layer above everything else so I could easily use the eyedropper and get the right colour without having to reference them from another page. It was a big time saver!

I colour all on a single layer so I don't have progress photos to show, but for each drawing, I roughly added in all the colours in the approximate locations they'd be, and once I did that for every single panel, I went back and cleaned them up one by one.

And that's that! After colouring was done, I added my signature, posted it, and took the nap of the century.

Final, Final Thoughts

I worked... Very Hard to get the comic out before leaks night and even if it was just a few hours, I'm so glad I was able to do it cause when I saw the actual chapter I lost my mindddd

I feel like as the comic progressed, Katsuki's feelings took a backseat and if I was to redo it, I'd probably put a bit more emphasis on that than I did in the final version. I feel like his ~inner turmoil~ didn't fully come through the way I wanted it to. I didn't want it to be an immediate acceptance — I wanted the fact that he was struggling with his past to be evident too — but with the focus being so heavily on Izuku, Katsuki's inner thoughts get a bit lost which is too bad </3 Good thing is Horikoshi had the exact opposite idea as me, so it all worked out :D

I'm really proud of how the comic turned out, and I'm so happy to have gotten such a positive response to it! Thank you for reading if you got this far and thank you for reading my silly self-indulgent hospital comic :)

#bnha #art tips #bnha manga spoilers #long post

[jsprnt]

Americano PT. 12 | Jude Bellingham x Reader

What happens if two individuals who absolutely despise each other are forced to interact after unforeseen events occur?

A/N: life has been hectic with family drama, getting my exam results soon and making a decision for my future based on those possible outcomes. even so, I loveee writing, that’s why this took me longer than normal. enjoy reading, and goodnight or good morning wherever you are! 🫶

W/C: 3.366

part eleven

Throughout the heart-stuttering night, Jude struggled to get the full rest he needed for training the next afternoon.

He was thankful training was scheduled later than usual because he’d struggled to get even a wink of sleep.

After the sudden way the girl had launched herself into his arms, crying herself back to sleep as he whispered sweet, reassuring words to her- Jude’s thoughts were a complete mess.

Noticing her sleeping state, he'd shifted in her bed, leaning back into her pink satin pillows. Her head lying on his bare chest.

He had adjusted her head and arms carefully, making sure she wouldn’t touch his injured shoulder through the night.

And then?

He was stuck, only realizing how restricting the position was when she calmed down, especially considering how rigid his body had gone at the contact.

His mouth went dry and glass of water he had abruptly woken up for earlier was not even within the bounds of his thoughts.

Jude would not stop glancing down at her.

How could he not?

The way her bedside lamp had been hitting her face, the warm lighting giving him a clear look and emphasizing the softness of her state.

Fast asleep, trusting him in her most vulnerable state, drunk and asleep.

It all made his heart thump in his ears, her calm breaths leaving through her nose and hitting his skin.

Jude had witnessed her drunken state before, weeks ago, back in London. A night that had taken a wrong turn unexpectedly.

He couldn't lie, the entire situation had him worked up from beginning to end.

Images of beating the creep’s face bloody, even more than y/n's bag had done, flashed through his head.

Even when he when was lying in bed that night, sleepless- like this night.

Shit.

My head is pounding, pounding like I've banged my head against the wall a multitude of times.

A splitting headache was the last thing I would want on a workday.

Why did I drink the night before a workday again?

I rub my eyes, squeezing them shut, to try to combat the pain in my head.

My satin pillow was oddly hard at the moment, making me groan in annoyance.

Did my pillow transform into a rock overnight?

"Will you pretend to be asleep for another ten minutes, or are you going to wake up?"

My soul almost escapes my body at the noise. I jump up, something resembling a scream leaving my lips.

My eyes widen as I scramble, not believing both my eyes and ears as I look at a shirtless, tired Jude, in my bed.

Jude..

In my bed.

"What are you doing?!" I scream, looking down at my body, screaming even louder internally.

I snatch my blanket from the other side of the mattress, covering up my body- even when realizing I'm still fully dressed, exactly like I was last night before..

What the fuck even happened yesterday?

I watch Jude cover his ears, facial expression unreadable as I distance myself from him.

"Can you please stop shouting?" The brum accent spits. I watch the wrinkles on his forehead etch deeper, a loud huff leaving his mouth.

"What are you- Why are you in my bed?"

The sight is..

"And where is your shirt?!" I ask, voice higher pitched than I ever imagined would leave my lips.

I step back from my bed, the blanket around me like a do-it-yourself cape, seeing him surrounded by my pink, cotton, and satin bedsheets and pillows.

I run a hand down my face, my head starting pound more. I expect to see a nasty sheen of cakey makeup on my fingers- except there is nothing..

"Jude.. Say something.." I plead, urging him to spit out an explanation for- whatever this is.

"It's.." He breathes out, sitting up. I watch him wince, a hand traveling up from his bicep to his shoulder, his mouth forming a line.

I bite on my tongue, watching him like a hawk. I probably look like an absolute mess. My dress is wrinkled, hair a mess and my breath has to smell foul.

Since when did I care about how I looked in front of this douche?

"It's nothing important." He finally says, making anger course through my veins.

"What do you mean? You're half naked in my bed!”

He gets off the mattress, feet hitting the gray parquet flooring. Jude doesn't reply, instead, he walks past the bed, towards the door.

"Hey! Aren't you going to answer-"

"Get cleaned up.." He says rudely, walking out of my room. Only for me to hear the loud slamming of his door.

There's no way something didn't happen last night..

"The taxi is here.." I mumble, placing my sunglasses on my face. Dark-tinted glasses helping me with my headache and giving me a small mask to hide behind.

I looked like a rat who'd recently escaped from a sewer.

I hadn't spoken to Jude all morning after our weird screaming match.

Could he blame me?

He was in my bed, atrocious considering the weird tension between us, especially since he'd been living in my house.

What it meant? I couldn’t figure it out. Nor could I figure out if this positive or negative..

I hear him make a noise in acknowledgment, making him stand up from the couch. Blue toiletry bag- probably way too expensive for what it's worth, in his arms as he makes his way to the front door.

We annoyingly had to take the taxi to the training grounds this morning, mostly due to my hangover.

But also, because I'm not sure I could drive Jude to the training center without threatening to leave him at the side of the road if he didn't fess up about what happened last night.

I shouldn't be trusted to drive in this state.

I step into the taxi, greeting the driver before shutting up and resting my eyes for the rest of the ride. Though, my interest gets peaked when he begins chatting with Jude about the football club.

"Champions League very good- big chance for Madrid." The driver speaks in limited English.

Again, there is a jumble of mutated Spanglish being spoken.

I tune out Jude's reply. It's probably something egoistic and stupid, like usual.

Of course, my biggest wish every season is for Real Madrid to do well.

But my judgement was clouded when it came to Jude speaking of winning.

My eyes shift back to the driver when we arrive at the training grounds, making me step out immediately as the two of them take photos together.

The fare?

Jude could pay, and I'd be happy to make him pay for the rest of the rides we took together.

I should make him pay for gas, right- I have to..

I adjust the sunglasses on my face, looking around swiftly before practicing running into the training center.

I greet everyone haphazardly, my black trench coat making me look like a vilanized inspector gadget.

This will be a long, long day..

"So, any reason you were stepping out of a taxi with a certain someone?" I hear Lina say, making me raise my brow. The painkiller I had taken earlier helping me a little more than I expected.

I had the nosiest colleagues ever. I thought I made sure no one else saw us.

"Oh, I noticed him in the taxi, so I just caught a ride." I explain, a shitty lie definitely too easy to catch.

"Sure, not like you’d rather be caught dead than share a car with him.." She trails off, the corners of her mouth twitching in amusement as she twirls a lock of her hair with her finger.

"Yeah, didn't expect he would stop at the light next to the train station.."

Fuck, was there a connection between a hangover and not being able to lie?

Even a child could spot my bullshit from kilometers away.

"So, on the most random day you take the train, you spot him in a taxi?"

"Yeah." I mutter, looking away from her, chugging my leftover coffee.”

"And why did you take the train again?"

"I'm hungover from last night. Was out late with Luis." I explain shortly, pointing my fork towards the bored cameraman.

I watch him fidgeting with his camera lens, across the room, not looking very happy.

"He doesn't look good at all." She observes, opening up a pack of gummies.

"He was hitting it off with this girl, but I spilled my drink on him." I wince at the last memory of last night, still trying to rack my mind for the other memories.

"She asked if I was his girlfriend." I add, wanting to hit my head against my desk, but it was pounding enough from earlier anyway.

This was probably my punishment for not letting him have a good time..

"That's shitty.." Lina disapproves, clicking her tongue at me.

"I was drunk, okay? I'm the first person rooting for him and his love life, you know that."

"You need to root for your own love life. You’ve literally been single since I've known you."

Here we go again.

"I don't need a man. I need money, so stop talking and please continue helping me with this draft.”

"You look tired, man. Did you rest properly?"

Jude looks up from his seat in the cafeteria, teammates surrounding him as they all chat about what they did on their days off. 

"No, I'm good- just thinking of what to eat." He replies, looking at Brahim. Sending him an appreciative smile at how observant his teammate is.

Throughout his months in Madrid, he had been having an absolute blast bonding and becoming familiar with his new teammates.

Even with the barriers of language, he had found it interesting how everyone could understand each other so well- even with the jumble of languages thrown around during training and in the locker rooms.

He had his Spanish lessons, of course, and they were helping immensely. But Jude had to admit to himself, though his ego- not speaking the language fluently did make him feel left out of certain things on occasion.

Small jokes, little silly comments. Things he could only understand after someone was nice enough to translate them quickly.

He didn’t think anyone would notice, not like they’d care, but from a short distance, y/n did notice.

When she would step onto the pitch during training, interviews, even the small chats in the gym.

He was unaware of it, even now as, she sat on the other side of the room, having lunch with her own group of colleagues.

Jude hadn’t picked up on the pitying look on her face, or the way she would glance away when he’d look in her direction.

Slowly and unknowingly, the translating became a habit. Some things she would even say in English unconsciously when talking to the team.

It wasn't anyone's fault, obviously. Only a matter of time and practice could make sure he'd fit even better with his new team. Undoubtedly, his new home for the next couple years.

"What's with her, though? I thought she was capable enough to murder me with her stare alone.."

"I've never seen y/n look like that."

Jude perks up at the name, though not understanding every single word. His eyes scan the table to see who's decided to speak about the girl he couldn’t stop thinking about since last night.

His eyes land on the guys he's closest to, the very much loved French duo in the team.

Leaning in, and taking a sip of his water, he speaks to them.

"What is with her?" He asks, trying to sound as clueless and uninterested as possible, but the two men glance at each other. A knowing, teasing look in both their eyes.

"y/n, she looks bad today.." Aurélien speaks, informing him.

Jude frowns at the words, probably a translation mistake, he thinks.

"Know about it?" Eduardo jumps in, sending a questioning look to the number five.

"No, just curious about what you guys are talking about.”

He mutters, keeping his volume down, not to attract the attention of the other players.

He didn't want anyone to speak about this, about what she looked like, what she did, not about her.

He pokes his tongue into the inside of his cheek, mind pondering. A stinging and burning sensation of jealousy and protectiveness twisting his thoughts.

It’s just the sleeplessness, he thinks, it’s making him go insanely delusional. He huffs, shaking his head in dismissal.

"My dad is coming back home in two days.."

"Okay.."

"He will handle your case as a first priority. Tell your mom."

"Okay."

y/n twists her neck in annoyance, scrolling through her phone. Ever since those rumors, from back in London- she had a crazy feeling of being actively witch hunted online.

Even so, she had decided yesterday not to give a fuck anymore. Scrolling through her Instagram explore page and blocking every single football drama account she saw.

Out of sight, out of mind.

"Will you respond like a normal human being? Ai has better responses than you."

"What do you want me to say? Jump up and celebrate?"

She sighs, kicking her feet up and making herself comfortable on the couch.

Should she bite the bullet and ask again?

"Jude.."

An annoyed grumble is heard in response.

"Did we, you know, do something. Is that why you're being so, awkward?"

She practically dies inside at her own words, obviously sexual in undertone. Wanting to smack herself right in the face.

Really? That's what she asked?

She resisted the urge to walk into the bathroom and grab the superglue to glue her mouth shut.

She should just never speak again. Problem solved.

y/n raises her head reluctantly to watch his reaction, surprise clad all his face. 

"Are you crazy? I wouldn't touch you- especially, when you're drunk, and wailing out for your mother.."

Jude stops, mentally cursing himself for blurting out those stupid words.

Had he gone too far? Confessing to too much information he didn't have to share?

Was it something he should have kept between himself and whatever deity or anything that watched over the universe?

Her blood practically stops pumping, and the shock of his words make her stop mid-overthinking.

Her mother?

She'd let herself get that vulnerable, to the point of speaking of her mother?

A silence falls between the two, the both of them wishing they'd kept their mouths closed.

"When did I?" She cuts the tension with her shaky words, avoiding eye contact as she sits up.

How could she let that happen? Yes, of course, the absence of a mother could be noticed in her life, and others not very close to her could be curious.

It was a very sensitive matter to her, and the wound of grieving could be one that would feel fresh years and even decades later.

"Last night- No, the day before yesterday.." He says, voice deeper than usual.

'Idiot, you should go on a detox and never, ever touch something as simple as a shot of vodka.'

The thoughts and assumptions brew in her mind, and she takes a breath before asking.

"Was it bad?"

Night terrors, they weren't something she had carried into her adult life, at least not lately.

They became a thing after the fact, and therapy sessions during her teenage years in England had definitely helped immensely.

She did notice changes in her behavior when confronted with the idea of not having a mother, even later in life. She could have as many women in her live as possible, but eventually she felt as if nothing could ever compare to a mother’s love.

And that, that was still confronting to know years later.

It brewed jealousy in her mind and soul. Seeing Luis go on brunch dates with his mother. Amira talking about the fashion shows she'd attended with her mom.

And Jude..

The relationship he had with his mother was absolutely beautiful, so beautiful she couldn't help the pit forming in her stomach when they interacted.

Even when his mother came over to her house to check up on them. Not that the two adults needed it, a mother's love is to care for her child. In more ways than just saying, 'I love you' or 'Do you need any help?'.

It was also watching and observing, allowing your child to grow up into a beautiful human being while staying healthy and being there for them.

"No, not at all." He lies, it's for the best, he thinks.

Judging from her expression, there is no need for more embarrassment or honesty that will turn sour.

y/n nods her head, and realizing her slipping mental state and thoughts, she stands up.

"I'll go to bed early tonight.." She mumbles, not bothering to hear his response, feet hitting the staircase with haste and impatience as she retreats into the comfort of her own room.

Leaving a confused, conflicted Jude behind in the living room.

Pity, is all he could describe the empty feeling. Words he wants to say, like bile, rising up to his throat, only to never leave his mouth.

"Make sure you have your dress ready, y/n. I don't want you scrambling to the mall the day before the party." My dad speaks, placing his apron on the hook beside the kitchen counter.

"Come on-"

I huff, rolling my eyes as if to dismiss his words.

"You did it last year, and the year before that."

He had been back for- not even twenty-four hours, and all he did was; nag, complain, and nag some more.

Thankfully, I had cleaned up the house a little before he arrived, so that would be a topic avoided today.

"Did you vacuum the stairs too?"

Or not.

I open my mouth to give him a snarky reply, but he beats me.

"Never mind that, just make sure you have everything you need on time."

With the end of the year coming closer, the annual co-hosted New Year’s party between Real Madrid and my dad's firm would take place.

It was absolutely grand every time, and this year wouldn't be that much different from what I had heard from my father.

"Actually, you know, since I'm not a teenager anymore.." I begin, batting my eyelashes with sass.

"I planned my outfit with Amira's help, so don't you worry about last-minute mall runs."

"Good, I just hope it's not too short- even worse if it has ten different cutouts." He says, the exhaustion in his face way too visible.

His business trip, and the situation with Jude had probably been keeping him busy and up until late.

At least the party could help him unwind a bit.

"I assure you. No ten cutouts.."

"Alright, dinner is ready. Go ahead and call Jude down for me."

I grab the kitchen marble in annoyance, nails grazing it and making small scratching sounds.

"Can't I just shout from here?" I ask, pleading eyes looking at his.

"Now.." He warns again, pushing me away from the counter.

Jude and I hadn't talked more than five sentences, respectively, a day since that day. It felt weird, like I'd just been stripped naked and vulnerable, all for him to see.

But I'd been curious about him, even if I tried to deny it.

He'd been going out of the house more often, hanging with friends and teammates at their houses. Mostly, since I'd warned and threatened him early on about bringing people over, let alone anyone knowing we'd been living together for the past few weeks.

With a heavy heart, I walk up to his door, knocking harshly and jumbling out a 'dinner is ready' before dashing down the stairs, back into the kitchen.

So much, too much had happened within a short period of time, and I honestly couldn't even begin to process it head-on.

At least I had a warm meal to keep me occupied for now.

Oh, and lovely tension at the dinner table..

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham fanfic #bellingham x reader #football fanfic #football imagines #football #footballer x reader #real madrid fc #real madrid #football blurb #football imagine #jude bellingham imagine #bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #jude x reader

[nicky999doors]

I’m learning to never underestimate trauma. The body really does keep score, the body will clock your tea even if you don’t want it to. My dad deciding he didn’t want to have his life anymore or whatever he did made me feel so useless and unwanted.

I wondered for so long why I haven’t been trying to live my life anymore or why I let go of my career or why I’ve spent so many years running my life into the ground and i think it’s because he made me feel like I’m never gonna be good enough. Like there’s no point to anything. It wasn’t until my sister, who has had a lot of success, said that she wanted to end her career because she not good anymore that I realized that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve spent so long feeling like I’m never going to be good at anything again and that no matter what I do, I can always have the rug pulled out from under me.

His death brought a whole bunch of other things, the grief and guilt is often paralyzing and overwhelming. I’m happy that I’ve started writing again because I feel that in the past couple years that I’ve lost not only my ability to do things but also my will to live. I mean this in the sense that I unfortunately no longer see a future for myself. I try and think about goals and ideas and things that would make me excited but I don’t want anything anymore. I wish I did. I spent so much of my life working towards something and I don’t even care anymore. I’m jealous of people that actually have a life. I’m jealous of people who can get up every day and actually do something. I was never a jealous person before all of this shit.

There is something that comes along with crawling around the depths of rock bottom though. It goes lower than you think it does, I’ve learned. I don’t think there’s much I can do with this information unless i keep trying which feels so Herculean right now. I also don’t want to be a victim anymore but it’s so hard to see the path…….. I’m honestly, generally, so heartbroken

[the-heartlines]

bittersweet

rhaegon | {e. 3.5k}

~post-dance & the only survivors~

“look at what has become of us? both of us have lost everything. and now all that’s left of us…is our pain, our grief. you and me.” rhaenyra chokes back a sob, looking at her half-brother. all that is left of her family. her blood.

aegon gazes back at her, not with disdain or rage, but exhaustion, sadness, defeat. with the same dark circles, the same exact look of madness mirrored in her own violet eyes.

he could be mine own twin, she thinks almost laughing at the realization of how much they are alike. the same shade of silver blonde hair, unkempt and wild. she wishes he would say something, anything to stop her mind from racing, stop the madness from spreading through her like poison.

she longs to hear her brother speak, even though she should hate him, want to tear him apart with own bare hands. spill his blood all over the realm, sacrifice him—like her own son’s were sacrificed.

but she cannot seem to hate him any longer, wish to see him dead, his pretty head on a spike. because aegon ii targaryen, her brother, is all that’s left of her on this earth, keeping her tethered to her, tied to her fleshly vessel. and as long as he lives, breathes, is bound to her, she is chained to him as well.

“you and me?” he scoffs sadly, bitterly, pushing salt into the gaping wounds that are still bleeding, that have yet to scab over. 

“yes, aegon,” she says his name softly, trying to use her words as a binding tourniquet, stave the bleeding of the gashes, the cuts, that run deep, with her tongue. she has always been braver than him, never willing to let failure rule her life again.  “we started this mess and we must fix it, or lest—we let it consume us, destroy us. kill us.”

“i do not care, sister. and neither should you. i’ll hand you the dagger myself, while you drink the poison. we can both die together.” aegon retorts, firing back at her with his words, but she sees tears swimming in his eyes, unshed, and it makes her heart seize. her brother has never truly known true unconditional love and affection that one can have for the other. that a mother can have for a son. a sister for a brother. 

she can’t help herself, for she was a mother, is his sister. 

“aegon, do you not think that we have both drank enough of the poison fed to us since we were born? and i will not spill anymore of our blood, it is far too precious now, more than a bloody throne. or valyrian steel.” rhaenyra walks towards him gracefully, as a queen would towards their king, and gently grips her brother’s pallid cold cheeks in her hands, longing to bring warmth, rosiness back to them. 

the siblings have never been this close to one another. this kind of intimate proximity unbidden to them, forbidden by otto hightower’s garbled poison fed to alicent, the same way she undermined, poisoned her first born son with.

aegon looks up at her, his dark glassy violet eyes, still full of unshed tears. he looks haunted, so haunted, older than the young man he is. he reminds rhaenyra of their father, a king of the seven kingdoms, with all the unwanted weight, the burden laden upon him. since he was pushed from his mother’s womb. brought into this world with only this purpose, to be her challenge, her opponent, her enemy.

“we are family, aegon. you are my brother.” she strokes over the divot in his chin with her thumb, eyes drinking in every scar, mark, freckle, every indication that they are related, of the same bloodline.

“half.” 

it’s all he says, spitting the word out like a curse, a reminder of the past, but rhaenyra ignores it presently, taking aegon’s hand in hers and pressing it against her beating heart, right above her full breast, towards his future. she swallows, heart rattling like a drum, not realizing how much she’s missed being touched so intimately in a year.

“feel my heart, brother,” she accentuates the word, hoping each syllable rings true deep inside him; in his spirit. she bites her lip, suppressing a slight moan, when aegon’s hand flexes, nearly brushing her hardened nipple. and she wishes he would. she desires for him to be bold, to be the wrathful dragon, plundering and pillaging, taking and taking, burning her, until there is nothing left. 

but instead his hand remains motionless, stiff, refusing to mold to her flesh like molten fire. “aegon, please, feel my heart beating. the blood flowing through my veins is as much mine as it is yours, dear brother.” rhaenyra guides his hand upwards towards her warm skin, dipping his fingers beneath her gown, letting him feel the heat from her breast. the burning flesh, feverish with want, with desperation.

rhaenyra gazes deep into his eyes, seeing something alight, a spark starting to spread and it emboldens her, so she presses his hand more firmly against her heart, his calloused fingers deeper into the top of her gown, until his rough fingertips touch her hardened nipple, making them both gasp.

“sister,” aegon’s breath hitches and she can feel him shivering from their shared warmth, the closeness they should have had all along. but it’s not yet too late...fate now giving them both another chance to make things right.

“yes, brother,” rhaenyra moans, feeling his fingers curl around her sensitive nipple, no longer able to hold back the desire, the lust that swirls through her like a hurricane, overwhelming and over entrenching. “more.” she says, knowing that word is enough to push him to the point of no return. pushing them beyond containment because they will both lose control in the other. for they are two sides of the same coin of madness. and only they can complete one another now.

and rhaenyra is the key to unlocking everything unbidden in her brother, unleashing it all.

aegon’s lips are on hers before she can meet him halfway, kiss him first. and she understands he needs this, mayhaps, even more than she does. for in this moment, he’s a dragon starved, feasting, devouring on her flesh, his mouth inhaling her in like the sweetest aphrodisiac. her divine taste— a cure, unlike dreamwine or milk of the poppy, for all ailments he’s suffering. more potent and powerful, all consuming, all encompassing. 

and so rhaenyra opens her mouth to him, lets him twist her tongue with his, in another dance of the dragons. aegon clutches the front of her chest with both hands now, tearing her gown downwards to release her heavy teats to his gluttonous, greedy gaze, groping the meat of her tender breasts in his hands.

“oh, fuck,” rhaenyra groans, unable to help the curse, the hiss, that escapes her throat, his fingers prodding and pulling on her pink peaked tips.

“rhaenyra,” her brother growls her name so brazenly, so beautifully. and every syllable reverberates down her spinal cord, through her veins, straight to her core. towards her cunt that is dripping and drenched, desperate to be full and filled, only by him.

“please,” rhaenyra closes her eyes, pleading against aegon’s lips unabashedly, her hands groping the front of her brother’s hardness unashamedly, trying to mold his cock into submission with her hand. “i need you, aegon. i need to be fucked, brother, to be full of you.” she squeezes his cock a little too harshly in her hand, biting down into his bottom lip, pricking and piercing the skin, drawing his blood with her teeth for the first time. the bittersweet coppery twang of it streams into her mouth, coating her mouth. 

it makes them both ravenous, insatiable for one another.

“more.” aegon grinds his groin into the palm of her hand, digging his jagged nails into her nipples, begging rhaenyra for more of her pointed teeth upon him. begging for her to be the dagger, the sharp valyrian steel, that spills his blood. that only she has permission to. for his flesh, the fire in his blood, belongs to her solely now. and it feeds her volatility, the violence beneath her bones that rattles and resonates with both brother and sister. 

she sucks on his bottom lip, soothing it with her tongue, before her hands unlace his breeches frantically, freeing his weeping cock, gripping its girth close in her fist. “fuck, rhaenyra.” aegon jerks up into her embrace, so she closes her fingers tighter around him, tongue dipping into the mark on his chin, before her mouth moves downwards, towards the underside of his jaw. his stubble scratches her smooth skin and it feels sumptuous along her forlorn flesh, long forsaken by the fevered flesh of another. 

“tell me you need me, aegon,” she murmurs into the crook of his neck, his cock perfectly molded and shaped in her small enclosed hand; shielded and sheltered, held steady by her. “tell me you wantme.” her teeth graze over his throat and he swallows, breathing labored, nostrils flared, eyes closed, heart beating erratically, unevenly. her younger brother, lost to every sensation, every sensuous and serpentine slithering of her inexorably entrenching herself into his very soul and spirit. the elder sister taking root in his body, in the very veins, bones, and muscles that twist and tangle her in their intricacy. 

a queen capturing and conquering the king, caged within her motherly wings, her pointed claws, her maw clutching onto him forever. and so rhaenyra bites her dragon again, but harder, harsher, vulgarly gnawing on his wounded skin, his blood flowing into her, flooding her mouth. a primal roar emits low in her throat, and she clings to his jugular, wanting to drain him of every drop. 

“fuck!” aegon yelps, whining, and rhaenyra yanks his head backwards by his hair, running her fist along his manhood, demanding his compliance, commanding his body, his bones to bend, to sway and swing towards her like the branches and limbs of a tree. but not to break him because she needs him whole, sturdy and standing, rooted to her, not rotting from the inside out.

but first she must have his seed, milk it from his lithe body, have it take root deep inside the rot, bringing forth new life; a rebirth.

rhaenyra reluctantly relinquishes her damning hold on him, and aegon whimpers, her hold forever intertwined, interwoven into every crevice and crack, mending, sewing him back together with the scarlet string that links them together, unbent, unbroken.

“brother, sit,” she says hotly, his blood thick and red like pomegranate juice upon her plush lips, pushing him backwards into their father’s seat, with fiery fervor, but not rage, nor hate. running and raking her nails, her gaze, along her brother’s handsome body, she eyes his cock, standing proudly, flushed an angry shade of crimson, weeping, straining, matching the blood staining his neck, his pale chest, his now rosy cheeks. 

and then rhaenyra’s eyes are on his wide, hungry eyes, seeing the beginning of hope, the flowering of spring; lilac staring into deep violet, blooming under a new rising sun. 

she keeps her orbs locked with aegon’s, mesmerizing him, memorizing every fleck of gold that shines brighter in them when she reveals more of her hidden skin to him, tearing the black gown from her curves wholly.

he stares up at her in awe, mouth agape, the sunlight filtering through, haloing her silver hair, encircling her in a golden crown of the most glorious sun rays. a crown to echo the one rhaenyra lost everything for. lost everything to gain this. for she is his now. his savior. his sister. his goddess, his queen, with his fire and blood dripping deliciously from her mouth.

she steps closer towards his shadow, letting the sun touch it, bathe her brother in its luminous light, letting it blind him and bind him to her.

“kiss me,” rhaenyra demands and aegon is ferocious, feral, pulling her towards him, sealing his lips to hers, licking up the blood she extracted from him so exquisitely, so effortlessly. 

“nyra,” he growls, gutturally, his teeth gnawing onto her own lip, desperately trying to puncture it with as much perseverance, persistent on gorging and getting drunk off of her sweetness and blood.

“yes, aegon. yes.” rhaenyra extols, giving him permission, and so aegon does, rupturing through his sister’s pink flesh with his teeth lecherously, extracting her blood, tasting it alongside his. 

“brother, my sweet brother.” she praises, both exchanging breaths, sharing the air in their lungs, the blood of one another, with each other. and rhaenyra descends herself downward, sinking her supple, slick cunt onto her brother’s stiff manhood, engulfing and suffocating him with her heat.

 “sister!” he cries, his head falling back against the cushion, her voluptuous plump body beginning to bounce against his, contouring against his leaner one. 

“oh, gods,” rhaenyra moans, biting her bloodied lip raw, beginning to ride him viciously and wickedly, his cock penetrating her deeply. 

she watches aegon, with his eyes  closed tightly, fists clenched around the arms of their father’s chair. a chair that their father as king occupied daily, commanding the realm, serving his realm,  while rhaenyra kept quiet, bit her tongue, and served her king and his men. 

and now she rides his son—another king upon it. while each submits their body in servitude towards one another, a slave to each other’s insatiable pleasure.

rhaenyra’s peak is nigh, crescendoing inside her like the waves of a volatile sea, rising inside her, the higher the sun sets on the horizon, illuminating both dragons in its golden light.

“finish inside me,” rhaenyra orders, thrusting and rotating her hips into his, hearing him hiss before he latches onto her throat in the exact place she marked him; reclaiming what should have been his since the moment he was born. what should have been hers as much as the realm, the crown, and the throne.

“give me your seed.” she groans, feeling aegon’s hot searing tongue upon her tender and torn throat, licking her wounds. before the waves of pleasure crash inside her, drowning her in a mixture of salt and sea, as tears stream down her face. “give me your son, aegon.” 

this time aegon kisses her softly, with yearning, but hungrily, the curve of his lips sculpted by the gods, shaped to fit against hers faultlessly, immaculately. rhaenyra tastes the iron, the bitterness of her blood, interlaced with the sweetness of him—her brother.

the burning beneath his flesh, his very soul that scorches her, burns brighter and more incandescent than any star or sun. and she’s his silver moon mirroring that luminosity, brilliantly lighting the way towards both of their salvation. 

for targaryens were always meant to burn together—one body, one soul, one heart, one spirit.

she cups aegon’s face in her hands, thrusting her body languidly, longingly, not wanting him to ever leave her.

“i love you, brother.” rhaenyra confesses against her brother’s lips, telling him those three words for the first time, for she means every single word. and the storm breaks, lightning cracking, catapulting both siblings towards the highest and thunderous peak of their lives.

“sister!” aegon’s piercing cry rings out, as the sun sets and shadows engulf them, but they are together this time, tangled and tethered, closer than ever, eclipsing one another. he holds tight to her, hugging her to him, his mouth latching onto her breast, clinging to every piece of her he can clutch.

rhaenyra’s velvet and vice tight cunt selfishly milks his cock, every drop into the warmth of her womb, welcoming him, her king. and aegon selflessly offers himself up, willingly, worshiping his own goddess, his queen. 

and as king and queen, brother and sister, they shall begin anew, as husband and wife.

—

"don't worry, my son. just because your sister is older, doesn't mean you matter any less." aegon laughed, his smile lighting his face up is the most exquisitely, ethereal way.

"valarr." he let his son's name roll of his lips as venerated as a prayer, cupping their babe's silver haired head in his hands with such tenderness, it made rhaenyra's heart swell. "

"a fine name for a prince. one of valor, if i must say, my husband." rhaenyra teases, lightly trailing her fingers over the inside of aegon's wrist, affectionately, causing goose pimples to rise along his flesh.

"yes, wife," aegon breathes deeply, eyeing their other silver haired babe at her breast, nursing contentedly, nearly asleep. “a brave brother for his older sister.” 

rhaenyra laughs, rolling her eyes, “only by a mere minute, aegon.” 

“and they shall be closer than we ever we’re growing up..thank the gods.” aegon places valarr in the cradle next to their bed, then takes their sleeping daughter away from rhaenyra’s breast, placing her next to her twin.

”viserra,” he presses his lips to her forehead, “my sweet viserra. every bit her mother’s daughter.” aegon chants, sighing against her skin, his violet eyes catching rhaenyra’s.

and his beautiful gaze is full of light, of hope, of love.

rhaenyra tries to speak, tries to say her brother’s name, but her throat is thick with emotion, so she extends her hand to him, beckoning him towards her.

and he holds it, intertwining and interlacing their fingers together, gripping her tightly.

”i love you, rhaenyra,” he confesses for the first time out loud, for her to hear, with his own lips. and it’s the most holy words he’s ever said, that she’s ever heard; the sweetest and heavenliest honeyed wine dripping from his tongue.

she pulls him towards her, kissing him to reassure that’s she knows, has always known—luring her sun to her with her moonlight that seeps into every crack and crevice of his soul, healing every wound, sealing every internal cut, a soothing balm for each scar.

“i know, brother.” she cups his face and tears fall freely down her face and rhaenyra welcomes them, for they are ones of happiness, of the utmost joy. 

“sister,” her brother groans into her mouth, glancing down towards her chest, where her rosy tips are leaking onto the her husband’s naked chest. rhaenyra sighs when he cups her swollen teats in his hands, molding his hands with their shape, before he’s moving his lips once more.

“please, mother.” he seeks her permission and rhaenyra relents graciously yanking aegon by the roots of his hair and pushing her dripping, hardened nipples into his waiting mouth.

”yesss, my sweet brother,” she hisses, his mouth moaning, latching hungrily, drinking, needing to desperately drown his lungs in her mother’s milk, just as he has with her blood—their blood. 

his fingers snake between her sore cunt, finding the hidden aching pearl that brings the most exquisite pleasure. for his mouth and fingers know her body, how to expertly draw out her peak in mere moments. and aegon does it hastily, afraid he’ll lose her forever. and so she climaxes fast, hearing him suck her teats fiercely, his fingers furiously dragging another peak from her body.

”no more, please. she begs quietly, trying not to wake the twins, before he does it once more, determined to ruin her extravagantly. and this time rhaenyra bites her lip to keep from moaning her brother’s name aloud. she’s eager for him wholly, wanting him to fill her womb once more, but she knows she must wait, be patient. but nonetheless her body trembles effortlessly, exhaustively, her cunt soaks his fingers and he drains her of her milk, before he finally finishes.

“gods, wife. i will never tire of your sweetness.” aegon collapses next to her, panting and breathless, licking his lips and rhaenyra seals her lips to his, stealing the sweetness from his tongue, wanting to share in the nourishment that feeds their babes.

”well, husband,” rhaenyra yawns, nestling her backside into her brother’s very hard and leaking cock, rubbing her ass against it. “i am exhausted and must sleep.”

”rhaenyra!” aegon hisses, feeling his wife’s hand reach around and encircle around his girth, gripping it tightly. 

“goodnight, brother.” rhaenyra squeezes his head, petting it, patting it, then leaving him without her touch, teasing him. and aegon groans frustratedly, while she smirks knowingly.

because they both know she won’t leave him wanting long, waiting for her, not like she has in the past.

because as brother and sister they belong to one another, like a body belongs to a soul, connected by veins, arteries, a heart. and rhaenyra is the very heart of aegon. and her blood makes his heart beat, with fire, fervency. 

free from the shackles of the bitterness, made whole by the blossoming sweetness; with the burning bond that’s unbreakable between them.

#rhaegon #rhaenyra targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #house of the dragon #hotd #hotd fic #hotd au #rhaenyra x aegon #my writing

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Foreboding Changes on the Horizon.

[Zetsubou Factory Remains: An Hour Later...]

You really think she'll be alright?

Hibiki Otonokoji's condition is perfectly stable. So long as she doesn't overexert herself, she'll be fine. Besides, Ms Akamatsu and Mrs and Mrs Kabuya are there to keep her company.

Assuming she intends on following up on what she was saying, I imagine she also plans on staying at the Future Foundation hereafter.

That's fine with me. I can visit when I can. Keep her company whenever she needs me.

Although, while I think TsunTsun would be fine with that, I think he called you here because he wants to have a real chat with you about your future.

???: Then I suppose that means we are here for the same reason.

!!???

Oh...Well look who it is!

...Hello...

Hope we didn't keep you guys waiting for too long. A lot of things came up back at the Foundation.

No, it's fine. I just got here myself. There were countless injured people at the Tower too.

...

...

*Hikaru and Kanata stare silently at one another, neither quite sure how to make the first move.

I...

...?

I heard you...I heard you got kidnapped and brainwashed by Zetsubou...Are you...feeling well?

Well...I know who to go to if something feels wrong...

I have some...advice...Rest when you feel tired...It may help to not lie flat...After lying down, bring your head up slowly...

...!

Try to walk each day...Avoid...h-heavy lifting until your doctor says it is okay...! Do not drive until your doctor says it is okay...! Ask your doctor if it is safe for you to...travel by plane...!

Oh...just get in there already!

Ah-!?

*Setsuka gently shoves Kanata towards her father. She stumbles a little until she's right in front of her.

...

I...

I don't know...what to say...About everything that's happened...I...I'm sorry you got...so caught up in this...!

It's not your fault...None of it ever was...You were always dealt the worst hand...

...I was in despair for weeks after I lost you...It's been 15 years...!

...!

*Ando quickly holds her head.

But no matter what pain I was subjected to...the thought that I might be able to see you again kept me going...But now that you're here...

Well, I'm not sure what to say either...You're so...t-tall...

Mgh...

[rabbittwinrithings]

An Announcement

(The announcement below is copied from my discord)

   Hey everyone! This announcement has been a long time coming, I’ve just been pretty busy these past months. This announcement will have some good news, but also, some bad news. 

   First off, the good news: 

   End of last year I graduated from college and a few months after I got a new job! I had to move to a whole new state and it’s been perhaps one of, if not the, best experience of my life. This job has been amazing. My new place has been amazing. And just my life in general has been amazing! I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so content in my life! Sometimes I’ll just start looking around and be struck with disbelief that things turned out so well for me. Basically, I got a really nice job in writing and I couldn’t be happier! 

   With this new job, it has also given me time to discover old and new hobbies such as writing my own new material, reading, and I’m getting back into playing/running Dnd! (And once I get my hands on my sewing machine next month you better bet I’m gonna start sewing again!! And get back into cosplaying!!!) 

   But with this all new amazingness comes with a down side. My new job offers little time in the terms of modding. By the time I’m done with work I’m usually exhausted. (this may also be health related which I’m trying to figure out, but we’ll see.) And on the weekends I find myself looking for new hobbies. 

   Let me rip the bandaid off real quick:

   For now, I will no longer be working on my mods. That doesn’t mean I hope nothing new comes out of them. I’m still hoping to make an announcement later that may open up *some* of my mods for fan made expansions (if users wish to do so,) but I’m still trying to get all that sorted out. There was a lot of update work being done, and I’m still figuring out what to do with it. 

   I also still love seeing mod patches like replacers, translations, and such (like always, just shoot me a message first so I know they’re coming out.) 

   This also doesn’t mean it’s forever over. One day, I may return, but for now, I’m stepping aside.

With that sad news said, I want to let all of you know what a ride all this has been! I first started modding because I wanted to find a creative writing outlet, then it turned into realizing I could make a portfolio for a future career with it, and then, finally, I realized how many people enjoyed my work. There were a lot of times where I self doubted whether or not I was a good writer, but seeing the overwhelming support over the years for my art has helped me get over that. My final years of college weren’t great, and modding and you all helped me through the vast majority of it. Because of all that, I want to thank each and every one of you for your support!

   Now, just because I’m stepping away from modding doesn’t mean I want to stop creating. Like I said, I still love writing in my free time, so maybe in the future I can post various personal writings I make here. 

   And with that, once I get everything figured out about the future of my mods, this server may be taking a shift in a new direction from being solely about Sidekicks of Tamriel, but just as a general Rabbitt Winri server and whatever personal projects I pursue in the future. (I will also be changing my various social media accounts accordingly too.)

   Once again, I cannot thank all of you enough for what you’ve done for me! None of this would have been possible without you!

#sidekicks of tamriel #SOT #Thank you all again so much! #Love all of you!

[windydrawallday]

Another "Thank You" doodle! I'm not putting names: each one will know what they contributed to make me gather the courage to do this x)

#myart #predastar #tfp predaking #tfp starscream #maccadam #transformers fanart #shipping to the moon and back #legend says Windy draws art for this ship every leap year #jk jk its mostly because their designs make me want to foam from the mouth #I LOVE THEM THEY ARE PRETTY BUT WHY so hard to draw #this took me almost 3 hs and is just an sketch... #gotta color code this pairing with orange-y red filter #because i can see myself in the future doing it again and not wanting to color it pfff #good night i need to eat and keep working on zine artworks #king n commander #ifellinrobothellagain

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving. #sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno. #i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity. #again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

[blupengu]

Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??

#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone else’s post so just making a text post for myself #but oh my god #what the fuck? #maybe I’m not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough #do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands can’t do this shit???? #did I just somehow fuck myself at some point??? #because wow this feels kind of sadistic???? #and not even in the fun kind of way????? #like I think I’d rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk #idk maybe I’m missing something #but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes #got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water #and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass? #and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit #AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST?????? #WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT?????????? #AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME #and then I see how fucking far back I’ve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes #and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again #and I die and lose my money #I can’t fucking do this shit anymore y’all holy fucking shit #the number of times I’ve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it 💀 #legit I think this is the first time I’ve rage quit a game #it’s been a while since a game’s actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something 😂 #the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the room… #if I didn’t have neighbors and a unit below me I’d be throwing shit for sure though #but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage 😂 #I think I hate the ‘go back to where you died to get back your money’ punishment system… like legit I actually really really hate it. #I do think the game is fun and I know I’ll probably quickly gain the money… but it feels like the game’s telling me I fucking suck lmao #suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future 💀

[olehoncho]

How I would fix Dr Who (revisited)

While I am sure there are folks that love the Doctor Who show and the direction it has taken under Chibnal, I know there are others who are not satisfied with certain developments. Ever since the end of Matt Smith's run there have been issues with the continuity of the series: - The expansion of The Doctor's regenerations was first explained via a "time lord energy infusion" in Town of Christmas, but was later revealed to be an aspect of the Timeless Child. - The swapping of sex/gender was first done with the Master and later explored with the Doctor. - Letting go of a Time Lord's power was explored in Human Nature and later in Uptopia, but revisited as being a "female presenting" quality later. - The Bi-Generation creating two time lords.

A lot of this new canon has been... not easy to absorb. And I'm not going to say there's any connection to ratings or audience scores, but as someone who is more interested in the science fiction aspect of the show, I think there is enough of the new canon to play with to fit in with the long-running series canon.

Make The Doctor a distinct being separate from The Timeless Child. - This is the main one, and could be done a couple of different ways. My previous theory was to make The Timeless Child the Time Vortex at the heart of the TARDIS (which explains why it is different from other TARDIS). This would explain the leeching of memories and power to other individuals as well. - Another way to do this would be to have The Doctor either be a bi-generation from The Timeless Child, or perhaps be the son of The Timeless Child who inherited some memories. There are options.

Restore the Regeneration Limit and explain how it was bypassed. - The previous explanation is that The Doctor is the first Time Lord and therefore has endless regenerations. This never felt right. The Doctor being a Time Lord whose uniqueness comes from their decisions, the promise to be "The Doctor" rather than their particular history is the key to the character. - You could do another bi-generation backstory into The Doctor's past, and that part of The Doctor has been dormant, sleeping aboard the TARDIS for near a thousand years (my personal choice would be the regeneration from 2nd to 3rd Doctor). - Then you would have to explain that The Doctor who has been adventuring has been part of The Doctor, but a being who got mixed up with The Timeless Child and is therefore confused. Then explain that the reason for the regeneration limit being bypassed is because of the TARDIS - so many Doctors regenerate in the TARDIS and this is shown to have led to many explosions of energy which were not present in earlier regenerations because this version of The Doctor is growing unstable. - Time Lords are not meant to live more than 12 regenerations, because the energy in their bodies becomes more than they can handle, like a dying star they either go supernova or become dwarf stars.

Kill off the current version of The Doctor and bring in "The Original" - This could be a series-long arc involving The Valeyard - with the "current Doctor" being the Valeyard and "The Original" questing to stop them, but would end up with The Doctor dying and creating their grave on Trenzalore that is eventually visited by 11 and Clara. - The "original" Doctor would then continue the adventures, absorbing all the memories of their alternate selves - and resume the regeneration limit from 3 (a new 3, not Pertwee) and then regenerating into 4.

Anyways, that's how I'd rework Doctor Who if it was up to me. But it's not, so whatever.

#Doctor who #tardis #seriously though I stopped watching because I hated how mean 12 was to Danny Pink #Like there was no reason to be that rude to your companions love interest #I just could not jive with Capaldi and could not bring myself to go back to the show #kept up with the lore and the drama and felt satisfied I stayed away #but can we stop race-swapping people please #I mean I guess its fine when you consider alternate realities but that was never Doctor Whos thing #Like time travel is fine and all and they really haven't done enough fun back to the future or quantum leap stuff about fixing timelines #but as part of a larger trend I just think race swapping historical figures is lame #Now fictional characters is fine and dandy #But like if Doctor Who went on an adventure with Sun Wukong I wouldnt want the Monkey King played by a scotsman #So its just weird to see Isaac Newton played by Nathaniel Curtis #And then to have the showrunner attack fans as racists #Like he was the one who changed the race of the person showing he was the one with the problem in the first place #this is my problem with folks who cry racism or sexism or shout at fans for not embracing changes #they're the ones who made the change from the source materials so doesn't that mean they are the ones with the problem #like don't say its the fans fault for not accepting the changes you make blame yourselves for not getting it right #but again that's just the way I see things #not a shipping post #yeah I'm done talking about doctor who #I bloody stopped watching the show 9 years ago why do I even care

[dollar-store-sparklez]

man i dont wanna be that guy, but the skyblock wars thing on the legundo community server is so just. incredibly frustrating to play rn

like, disregarding my own wifi issues entirely, bc theyre a seperate ongoing problem, lapis is mostly composed of younger players and people with actual jobs and stuff, and then redstone has. every moderator except 1, and two of the best pvpers who literally like never log off.

im not gonna accuse mods of using mod perms to cheat, because i gen dont think they are, but speraking as someone who has experience on several servers being mod/build staff, it is functionally impossible to be without bias as a mob in a competitive setting, especially when its, yknow, every single mod except one versus a team mostly composed of 12 year olds. hell, one of our players is literally 8.

and. i mean it sucks. its not enjoyable to play anymore when the other team is making fun of us for things out of our control and the mods arent really doing anything about it bc its their teammates doing it. and then theres stuff like the cobble challenge, where their entire island was basically already stone brick from the start. im not saying its cause the mods knew that was gonna be the challenge, but i am saying im not ruling it out. and then we know the mods fly around occasionally, and yeah they tell us that its for actual mod purposes, and i believe them, but i also believe that if they were to notice some new builds or farms or whatever while they were they theyd 100% mention it to their team.

and again, even disregarding that, even if im just off my rocker and everything ive noticed as unfair and upsetting is just in my own brain, theres the fact that the other team is gonna listen and respect the members of the mod staff more bc they have a real, tangible power over them, where as random children just arent gonna listen to syl even if they were the one voted in to be the leader. they gonna listen to a mod, but not another player. thats a real, tangible advantage they have.

i dont wanna say the mods cant also play the game and have fun, because they can! its totally possible to do smth like this and still let them play! but they need to be split up evenly between the teams or is gonna cause the issues we're currently having. no one on lapis is having fun or wants to play anymore really. poor syl has cried on call. i dont really care how many times people say its just a game. youre saying that because your team is winning, your team is tacked, your team has all the good pvpers and moderators. if lapis was in the lead youd be upset and i know it, because wth this new base quest that just finished you went and whined to ecr because hyper used an existing base on your island to win the quest. he asked ecr and got an explicit yes, and dino and justin ran to ecr about it and now we each got half a point, basically voiding the quest.

im glad yall are havin fun because no one else is. lmao

#pandora speaks #legs if you see this #one im sorry for how bitter and angry i sound. its because im bitter and angry and im sick of dealing with it #im not mad at you or your moderators im mad that the teams are insanely imbalanced (no ones fault we picked teams blindly) and that #redstone has been really rude about it #yes it is just a game but if on team is gonna be like that its not fun for anyone anymore yknow? #and theres no point in a game if only a few people have fun #i cant imagine myself wanting to continue playing if justin and dino and gonan keep being like this #and if we do this again in the future i think the mods should be evenly distributed or not play at all #im not being mean jsut speaking from the pov of someone whos been a mod i know it can be hard to keep your mod knowledge away from your #player knowledge at time. it can and will plit out without you thinking occasionally even if youre the best at keeping your mouth shut ykno #like with the cobble quest #sighs. i know this is coming across like im a sore loser. but like. yknow what maybe i am. but if we're gonna have every possible #disadvantage thrown at us while they have every possible advantage gifted to them i think i have the right to be bitchy

[scarletcomet]

does anyone else ever feel like maybe they need to be hospitalized or weren’t ready to be discharged from the hospital?

#i was discharged almost a week ago now and i felt really ready to go #i have a much better mindset now after the second hospitalization #but the suicidal thoughts and self-harm urges are a lot more difficult to deal with in the real world where i can hurt myself #i still feel very depressed pretty much always but at the same time my mood has been pretty ok #regardless of how i'm feeling and what i'm doing i get those intrusive detailed suicidal thoughts #i want to do more research and stuff just like out of curiosity or to indulge myself a little #but that's the kind of behavior that gets you sent to the emergency room and admitted to the hospital #i feel ok and not actively suicidal but at the same time i want to plan even though i don't want to go through with it at the moment #if i tell my doctor or therapist at my treatment program this i'm worried that they will send me to the emergency room (again) #it would be weird because i feel ok even though im having these thoughts #similar to how i felt last time i was sent to the ER but i wasn't sure if i could keep myself safe in the long run last time #idk. i feel like i can keep myself safe but at the same time i want to plan and get ready #what is wrong with me #i can think about the future and am starting to see a future for myself (at least for the next year) so why do i feel this way? #i need to write some of this shit down and talk to the therapist at my treatment program tomorrow #i feel like it might be too triggering for others to bring up in process group but i do kinda want feedback from my peers

[whentherewerebicycles]

ruthie slowly realizing I have the front camera turned on 😂 this dog hates being photographed!

we were up for a bit at 5 but it was too early and I was sleeepy so ended up dozing for another hour or two. rainy morning here. I’m trying to really savor the cozy snuggly days as life is about to get so hectic for me:

I’m in pittsburgh friday morning through monday night (YAYYY) attending two weekend games and hanging out with bec!!!

I have tuesday to run errands and do laundry before my mom arrives wednesday

we leave early thursday morning for 14 days in japan and korea, during which we are hitting tokyo, osaka, kyoto, nara, mt koya, hiroshima, miyajima island, fukuoka, busan, daegu, and /seoul… I’m soooo psyched but also 🫠 it’s gonna be a whirlwind and I still have to do quite a bit of prep to be ready

we get home on a wed, I have thurs to recover from jetlag slash finalize my job talk, and then friday is the all-day campus visit

THEN I leave sat morning for houston and get back late monday night

it’s gonna be a lot!!! so very okay to be slothful this weekend and for as much of next week as I can manage I think. I am building up my reserves of rest and solitude lol.

mmkay. tonight I am having dinner + watching tár with mary later (and maybe seeing my sister at some point in the afternoon tbd) but the morning is my own! no pressure to get anything done in particular but here are some options:

could do more campus visit research for fun! my first gen programming book is arriving sometime today so I could read that and take notes, or I could spend some more time working through these articles I pulled up on designing programming for transfer students. I was also thinking it might be fun to create some one-page idea/vision/notes docs by hand on various topics—I feel like writing by hand will reinforce my memory of key details, and then making decisions about how I want to visually organize/arrange content will be a good exercise in synthesizing what I’ve learned. lol even as I’m typing this out I’m like ‘OOOOH that sounds like fun!!!!’ so I guess I’ll probably do that.

my former student is calling me at some point today to talk about transfer students’ experiences. he’s around my age (went back to undergrad after serving in the military for a long time) and is fun to talk to because he’s super smart and just like… more of a fully formed person and professional than the college-age kids. so that will be fun and should give me some useful threads to follow in my research. 

pick up my CVS prescription

hmm maybe I’ll put my laundry in right now? I also want to change linens/towels. I cleaned most of the house yesterday so don’t have much else to do in the way of chores… and I have a bunch of leftovers to finish before I’m allowed to make anything else so no cooking to do today either.

if it clears up I’ll go for a shorter long walk (the hourlong loop?) unless it’s really nice and I feel like doing the 90+ min trek again. not gonna let myself run today though—I can tell I pushed it a bit yesterday with the long fast walk + running two days in a row at a quicker clip than usual. just a little bit of achiness!

I finished a novel yesterday and want to start the next one today so I don’t break stride, but that can wait till before bed unless I’m moved to read earlier.

mmkay I think that’s it! take it easy and do fun relaxing stuff today.

#i also have to decide if I am going to try to do an IUI next month if this one doesn’t work #the timing is going to be so tight #and the chance of missing the window and wasting another $450 is semi-high #i think I’ve decided if my period starts on 4/6 it’s cutting it too fine and I don’t want to risk wasting the money #but I’ll take the meds with me and if it starts on 4/7 I can try it if I want #I’m just not sure how jetlag/time changes will affect things #so it might not be the worst thing to take april off and remove that stressor #then resume in may #i can’t start thinking ahead ahout this job because I’ll be too crushed if I let myself envision the future & don’t end up getting it #but getting pregnant in may/june/July wouldn’t be the worst thing as it would get me closer to a spring/almost summer maternity leave #more time in the job to get established plus I’d come back during the summer (chill relaxed time) instead of mid semester #idk we’ll see #I’m in a really good headspace re: IUI at the moment #not calendar watching except to plan future cycles not reading forums and don’t feel a lot of pressure to make This One work #i get 6 tries! #and then I was listening to a podcast the other day and feeling really moved/called again by the idea of fostering #so I think things are going to be just fine however it all shakes out #and if nothing else the IUI process has really gotten me into excellent routines around fitness and food

[yo9urt]

my birthday :)

#mine #ill update my bio in a sec zzzzzzzzz #going to have burgers (rahhhh america) and cake for dinner very excited about it #also going to start my 2nd beegee3 run which is going to be my first dark urge run!!!!!! #VERY excited!!!!!!! #i made a lot of mistakes and missed a lot of things in my first run so im going to try to rectify that here #i'm going for a resistant durge angle and im also going to romance ast4ri0n again (no surprise) #ive heard a lot of good things about resistant durge x spawnst4ri0n (and i can see in my mind why they would be great together) #so i'm really excited !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i think it's going to be a lot of fun :D i'm going to make a storm s0rcerer m3ph1stopheles t13fling #(again sorry for the numbers i just dont want to show up in search results) #during my first run i restricted myself from starting new runs for multiple reasons (partially because i was just really engaged and didnt #feel the need to make a new guy but also because ive heard a lot of people talk about act 1 burnout + never finishing runs etc #and i was like i want to play this game through (so i can read spoilers + understand the story better) and avoid all that trouble #that other people seem to have) #but i might let up on that rule juuuust a little bit because to be honest part of me wants to do another normal tav run purely because i #missed so much stuff the first time around and i know playing as durge is going to add a fuck ton of story content and events #and change a lot of things #but then at the same time i HAVE rough ideas for future characters and part of me wants to wait until i finish a durge run #so that i know what that looks like (and i can read spoilers) and from there i can make informed decisions #about which characters should be durge and which should be normal #like i would hate to make a new tav partway through my durge run and then later realize that character would have been better as a durge #or vice versa #so. we'll see...