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dallonm-archive · 4 years

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So I Turned Church Mud Into A Novel Lol Oops | NaNoWriMo 2020

Folks the JOURNEY I have been on in the last 3 days. I’ve been on a great albeit chaotic Church Mud high and it led to? This?

For those who don’t know, Church Mud is meant to be a ~7k words short story for my writing dissertation (and it still is). I attempted to do Draft Zero over summer, completely missed the mark, pretended it didnt exist for a month and here we are. One thing I learnt from that attempt though was that there is a much wider story to be told than what we’d see in those 7k words. Back then I was content with it only existing as a short story, not having all the parts told, because I liked the idea of Felix and Dorothy existing in this small window with a happy ending that’d otherwise be temporary. But I cannot help myself :) I met my advisor on Wednesday and reaffirmed that I’m at a really good place with this story in terms of ideas, themes and character - what’s missing was just the plot. So that’s what I’ve been working on (and killing my sleep schedule over) since, and what happened was: I realise most of my ideas wouldn’t fit the short story --> But they’d work in a novel --> So I guess I’m writing Church Mud as a novel after I graduate? --> But I kinda wanna write it now --> But I can’t --> But I want to --> Chloe your dissertation --> Hey you want more novel content? Here’s chapter titles --> God I Can’t Wait To Write This As A Novel --> Hey that thing where you write a novel in a month is happening soon...could be a...perfect excuse to...….,,,

So I had a ~revelation~ at 4am: why can’t I write it now? NaNoWriMo coincides with when I’m meant to brainstorm this story, so why don’t I take what I have and pants it as a novel, intentionally #LoseNano2020 and use what I wrote to infer what the short story will look like whilst also have a Draft Zero to work with/finish/rewrite next year? I debated if this was a good idea because it felt ~unconventional~ but I realised that a) I want to write this as a novel anyway and b) this is where I’m loving the project and that’s what matters and c) makes it feel less like uni work lol I’ve spent the all day playing around with what Church Mud The Novel would look like, and not only am I o b s s e s s e d but it also taught me? so much? about the short story? I was worried it’d get complicated but from the vague plot idea I have, I have a clear vision of Church Mud The Short Story separate from the novel, but I also see how it would fit into the novel as a chapter, and seeing where it’d fit in has really helped me figure out where it sits in the twins’ lives and so many elements I hadn’t considered before. I believe very strongly in Writers Intuition and my intuition is telling me that this is the direction I need to go with this project. My only issue is Church Mud doesn’t fit as a title for the novel at all and was never going to be the title, but I really don’t care oop, I’m not titling it until next year unless I come up with a title so good I want to change the short story as well lmao. But other than that this is working so well for me and really catalysed the momentum I already had atm for this story. I’ve also wanted to rework how I share Church Mud things here and this is a perfect way to at least for the next month, but before I ramble more lets actually talk about where the story is!

CHURCH MUD

Genre: literary fiction Setting: California (+ probably some other states? Idk I’m not American wtf is a state), 1986 POV: third person present + retrospective moments, split between twins Felix and Dorothy The Vibes: hazy summers, hot air, 3am, saltwater breeze, grainy photographs, empty roads at night, the moon blurred by clouds, arms resting out car windows, abandoned churches, telephone boxes, getting lost on purpose, cigarette smoke, dust from an old Bible Deals with: faith & the weaponization of it to control others, identity, perceptions of reality, chosen family, independence v co-dependence, free will, trauma & what it means to “let go”

CONTENT WARNINGS: religion/religious imagery (specifically Christianity), trauma, toxic relationships, inferred addiction (all updates will be tagged with these/any more specific warnings)

This is still in very early conception, in the sense of it’s existence as a novel, but it’s definitely an expansion on the ideas I had for the short story, where these two seek to let go of their past together so they can live their own, new lives, and also restore their tangled relationship that could never be fixed through letters and distant contact. When Dorothy left the controlling religious cult she grew up in, she never gave herself a chance to properly process the complicated emotions that came with that decision, or the trauma she went through, opting to cope with it by putting all her energy into building her new life and embracing her identity. Watching her brother navigate the same new, confusing path she took four years ago forces her to look back on her own experience, and the repressed memories of events that prompted her to leave in the first place. When Felix catches up with her, he struggles with the realisation that adjusting to this new life and world won’t be easy, and whilst it was the right choice, his impulsive decision has ramifications. Trauma does not necessarily stay in the place you associate it with and for Felix, it’s like seeing all of it from a birds eye view, all at once, including everything he blocked out. With his faith, his sister, and his drive to be a good person, he has hope for himself and the world, but the pain and anger he harbours will not make it easy for him. ^by no means a pitch literally just the copy paste of the quick summary I wrote for myself lmao

The most exciting part of this to me is how different, yet similar the novel feels. This version of the story isn’t necessarily happier, it’s still rough around the edges, but it’s definitely from a different mindset and there’s this haziness to it that doesn’t exist in the short story. It feels like a grainy home video that they’d never let see the light of day. I wouldn’t call it dreamlike or softer because of this, but there is this distinct tonal shift from the short story to the novel that I can only describe through the aforementioned Vibes. As I said, I have an idea of where the short story would fit into the novel’s timeline as a chapter, but they still won’t be the same. The short story is obviously more restricted to one singular event, and that turns the intensity and tension up high. This difference is also 100% influenced by the fact that the short story is set only at night (bar for some potential flashbacks), and the night plays a huge thematic and atmospheric role. Of course parts of the novel will take place at night, but the presence of daytime changes the mindset to me? In the short story it feels like they’re stuck in this perpetuate-esque night, whereas in the novel you know that the sun will always rise.

This story is also very different aesthetically, but at the same time elements of the short story’s aesthetic come into play and clash with the unique aesthetic of the novel, where they coexist, but are also in conflict with each other. As you can tell from these two moodboards where you can really see how for the second I gave up trying to make it coherent lmao:

To me there are two distinct aesthetics, and they are both very different and exist in different ways, but they are both inherently part of the story, and it feeds into this idea of perception of reality and these two realities that the twins perceive: the “outside world” and the gated world they grew up in.

The stars of the show, my favourite disaster twins:

Not fragile, but not made of stone either

Loves very hard, sometimes more than she’d like

A protective and loyal soul, especially with those she loves, but she never wants to forget to protect herself

If I’m in love with my best (female) friend, no I’m not <3

-goes to the edge of the pier and stares wistfully at the ocean so everyone knows that I am the main character-

Loves her brother more than anyone else but is struggling to figure out his new role in her life. As teenagers she felt painfully tethered to him because they were always The Twins, and she had nobody else, as adults she hopes to find a balance between their deeply close bond and their harshly different lives

Arc driven by defining your identity and then redefining it, and facing the parts of it you’d rather lock far away. Also deals with her experience growing up as a girl in a religious cult in the 60s/70s, and the relationship faith has with her feminist identity.

As of now, there’s more focus on him in the novel, since the short story focuses on Dorothy and I feel to write him from an observer perspective I need to get into his head first

Just found out restarting your life completely is hard?

Trying to be a good person, wants to be a good person, but there’s an anger in him that he hates but it’s festering and it’s growing

But ultimately he is a sweet and soft person and that’s what he wants to be in life even though it’s hard, it shows especially with his sister

I think at some point he locks himself in a cabin and? I would too

Centred around perception of trauma and v influenced by my own experiences with that, where you think things will be easier as soon as you leave that situation but really it just makes you look at everything from a distance and be like “what the fuck?? that actually happened??” (which conflicts with the fact that you KNOW you’re in a better place and you would never go back, but it hurts and it’s hard especially understanding the placement of your trauma in this new space)

I need to give this dude and his sister a happy ending for my own wellbeing. I don’t know how that’ll look but these two will get their happy endings. I actually don’t think I’ve loved two characters more and I love all my characters deeply

And I think that’s all for now! This 100% was not the direction I expected to take but I am so glad I did, and I also love the opportunity to reintroduce this story because good Lord it’s changed so much (and this instance is the most change). I also think this is the perfect Nano scenario for me, as someone who’s never done it before, there’s zero pressure on me to “win” because I don’t expect to even finish this. I’m just going to see where it takes me and see what it’s given me at the end of the month. I’m also not outlining this at all lmao, one because me and outlines do not get along but also my Preptober is just. the work I have to do for my dissertation anyway, which is reading and gathering a lot of fiction/nonfiction about cults/religion, and all the weird and unhinged takes on it. It’s very slow but it’s also fun! My uni work this weekend is literally to read The Girls by Emma Cline so I think I won here?? I also want to dedicate the rest of October to the short stories I planned to write for Nano (I was going to work on my collection).

I don’t know if I’ll do a taglist for this - I have the og Church Mud one but like I said I’m rethinking how I want to share this story and updates for this will only be regular in November so?? But chances are I will be constantly on my bullshit for the next month and a half with this story, pretty update or no pretty update

My NaNoWriMo page is here, although fair warning I have No idea how this site works, this is my boomer moment. Excited to clown about this story though!

- Chloe

#first off my fatal flaw is interchanging between Felix and Dorothy and Dorothy and Felix #second off i would die and kill for them #writing #amwriting #writeblr #writeblr community #religion /#trauma /#nanowrimo #nanowrimo 2020

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clarste · 4 years

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Sorry if you've been asked this explicitly before, but what are your thoughts on Penguin Logistics, specifically in comparison to the other organisations/factions in Arknights? I recently started and managed to grab everyone within a few pulls, except Sora (and I guess Mostima, unfortunately.) and I think they're easily my favourites. Would love to hear your thoughts. Cheers.

No one's ever asked me that, but they probably should have since I've gone all-in on Penguin Logistics ever since I pulled Exusiai and Croissant early on. I then proceeded to never pull any of the others, forcing me to buy Texas and Sora in the shop and much later dump all of my accumulated gacha currency getting Mostima. Anyway, my goal in life is to use the entire team and also max them all out. PL4life!

Anyway, my initial impression of them was that they were the cast of a 90s anime like Cowboy Bebop or Bubblegum Crisis (...Tokyo 2040). Like, they're an eclectic band of hyper-competent misfits working for a small company operating at the edge of the law. “Penguin Logistics” itself sounds like a euphemism for being, like, smugglers or something. "We'll get your package where it needs to go, no questions asked." Then Code of Brawl came out and I was totally right except they are also very dumb in a funny way. Like, they accidentally got into a turf war with the mafia, but apparently that's just business as usual.

Anyway I want to talk about each of them individually now so apologies if this starts rambling.

Texas is pretty clearly the main character of Penguin Logistics, and you can tell because she's the hub of their whole relationship wheel on the in-game chart.

She's also kinda Spike from Cowboy Bebop, although less laid-back I guess. She's a former mafia assassin on the run from her past, but her past won't leave her alone. Incidentally, "mafia" in this case refers to the various wolf families from the fantasy Italy equivalent in this setting, although they make some interesting comparisons to wolf packs in the profiles. However, Texas's family is dead, which should make her a "lone wolf" that will supposedly never have another place to belong. Except PL itself is proof that that's wrong.

Theoretically she’s just the team’s driver, but because PL is always getting into ridiculous anime fights she’s also good at that part too, using dozens of little... lightsabers(?) that she throws around willy nilly. It would probably look super-cool to see in action, except this is not that kind of game so we’ll just have to wait for the anime or whatever. It’s noted in her profile that her fighting style shows that she unconsciously sees as the only purpose of a weapon as being to kill, and heck, she’s right.

She's cool-headed, adaptable, and the serious one you can always count on, but she's not above getting into friendly(?) brawls just to take out her frustrations out.

Her name comes from the extinct subspecies of Texas Wolf.

Next up is Exusiai, the angel who loves nothing more than guns, god, rock and roll, and apple pie. In that order. In other words, a stereotypical American. Even though she's from the fantasy-Vatican. Basically she's a cheerful, friendly, laid-back person who never really fit in back home where people are expected to be more serious and orderly. Not enough to be, like, shunned or anything but she's always been a weirdo. All angels have guns though, that’s like standard issue. She wishes she could have more though.

She's also super religious, but interestingly never brings it upon her own. I feel like she probably realizes how uncomfortable it can make people who don't share that religion to suddenly bring up Jesus all the time in casual conversation. Like, she's not ashamed of it or anything, but she won't shove it in your face either. Personally, I find that a pretty cool characterization for a fictional religious person.

Which is also sort of a hint that beneath her goofy exterior she's a thoughtful, deliberate person who doesn’t let anyone in by accident. Texas notes that they're exact opposites in this respect. She also has an extremely interesting relationship with the next person.

Her name comes from the Greek word for the order of angels in Christianity often translated as "Powers."

Mostima... where to start...? I guess first of all she’s a fallen angel, apparently because she pointed her gun at her own kind under MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES. Probably related to the whole war in Kazdel thing, where many of the other MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES in this game took place. Long story short, stuff happened in the war, she pointed her gun at another angel, Exusiai’s sister is dead under mysterious circumstances, and Mostima gave up her gun and now wanders the world delivering long-distance packages for PL. But that’s mostly an excuse for to be alone as much as humanly possible. She can also use time magic because I dunno why not. MYSTERIOUS.

She’s friendly enough, talkative even, and has a hobby of visiting new places and trying out the local food, etc, but her real defining trait is that she just doesn’t need other people. She’s explicitly aromantic, saying she has no interest in love, but she also has no need for friends or family or apparently coworkers either. Because of the way the world is, she spends most of her time driving through the endless wastelands between cities, with nothing but a truck, some packages, and her thoughts. There’s something... romantic about that (in the other sense of the word), but even she admits that the romance of watching the sun set in a desert with no one else around for hundreds of kilometers gets old after a while.

I feel like I should note that she has a very “best friend of her big sister” relationship with Exusiai, by which I mean she’s known Exusiai since Exusiai was a kid and to her Exusiai will always be that kid. Also Exusiai only joined PL in the first place to hunt her down and get answers about her sister’s death, but Mostima just laughs it off and leaves town for another year or five.

Her name is probably a corruption of Mastema, a rather infamous fallen angel in mythology.

Croissant is... well, to be honest everyone past this point is more of a minor character. Which is actually a weird thing to say since none of these people are actually major characters in Arknights, but I guess these are less important people even within the group?

Croissant’s gimmick is that she’s always trying to make money by selling stuff. I guess she’s a merchant? But not, like, a formal one who runs a shop, she just gets her hands on stuff through her connections and sells it. But in like, a friendly down-to-earth way, it’s even said that she lives paycheck to paycheck. She’s a girl trying to get by with a second job, I guess is what I’m saying.

Team-wise, she’s the muscle of the group, being a minotaur and all. She lifts the heavy packages and also smashes things with her MAGNETIC HAMMER which I don’t know why I find that name so amusing. Gameplay-wise her special move can knock all the enemies around her halfway across the map and I smile every time she does it.

Her profile notes that she’s really just living her best life as a normal-ish person, and that helps make everyone around her feel normal, and that’s important in a setting where half the people around you are dying of magical cancer (no one in PL is Infected though).

Her name comes from the French word for Crescent and also a type of Pastry. Leaning more towards Pastries in my opinion.

Sora is an idol singer. Because, to be perfectly honest, what ragtag band of misfits is complete without an idol singer? She can’t really fight, but I guess Texas must have saved her life at some point or something because she bullied both her agency and PL into letting her work there part time. And also she is obsessed with Texas. I guess saying it like that makes her sound kind of annoying, but she really isn’t, she’s just an earnest girl chasing her dreams.

There’s also this interesting thing where a lot of her basic information is censored by her agency in order to protect her privacy (”do not dox the idol”). Even including her race. She presents as a wolf, but her promoted E2 art has her as a rabbit, which raises some interesting questions that don’t really get answered.

Her name comes from the Japanese word for Sky.

Lappland is not really part of PL, but she’s PL-adjacent enough to be worth mentioning here. Basically she’s an old acquaintance of Texas from back in their mafia days, and she’s obsessed with hunting her down and... fighting her? Killing her? But in, like, a sexual way? She’s kind of a crazy psychopathic killer. Maybe. She can also be very calm and polite when she wants to be, although with a taste for gallows humor. That just makes her scarier because you don’t know when/if she’ll snap.

There are two kind-of explanations for her being like that: A) her family is dead and she has no “pack”. As a wolf, the stress of living without a pack is supposed to be maddening. B) She’s infected with Oripathy (magic cancer) and there are crystals growing in her nervous system. Which... can’t be good. The answer is probably a combination of both.

But the most important thing about Lappland is her base skill and how it interacts with Texas. Basically, in your base there are various jobs you can assign people to and different characters get different bonuses for them. Most people in Penguin Logistics get bonuses for working the Trading Depot, for obvious reasons. Lappland gets a “bonus” where if she’s in the depot at the same time as Texas, she loses morale slower but doesn’t actually get any bonus to productivity. Meanwhile, Texas gets a bonus to productivity when Lappland is around, but loses morale way faster. In other words, Lappland is slacking off and making Texas so uncomfortable that she works twice as hard just to get the job over with so she can leave. This is their relationship as defined by game mechanics.

Texas also has another bonus where she loses morale slower if Exusiai is there, which completely cancels out the penalty she gets from Lappland. In other worlds, Exusiai being there too calms her nerves enough that she doesn’t feel the need to immediately escape.

Oh yeah, I forgot to talk about Emperor, who’s the owner of Penguin Logistics. He’s a world-famous rapper wearing a Tupac shirt and also literally immortal.

#not touhou #arknights #penguin logistics

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szivtalan · 4 years

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8, 9, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 34, 35, 36, 40, 41, 42, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 50, 53, 55, 57, 58, 59, 62, 64, 65, 70 (aside from Kagami 😂), 71, 72, 79, 82, 86, 87, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99 for the "Asks, why not" thing please? (Omg that's soo much, I'm sorry I got carried away ^^')

8) Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

Average height, bordering on short. Broad shoulders, thick arms and thighs, square face, slightly projecting ears (one pierced, one with a stretched lobe), bushy arched brows, thick square glasses, faded dark red hair, dark brown eyes, butt chin. I look pale and perpetually sleep deprived.

9) What do you/did you study?

I was in a teacher’s training program for English and Hungarian language and literature, and I’m planning to go back to school to study sociology!

16) What do you look for in a SO?

Consciously: understanding, fun, sweet, kind and accepting. Unconsciously: somewhat broken and in dire need of emotional help which I’m desperate to provide lmao.

19) Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

Eh, u know, it depends? I don’t think I’m fit for a serious relationship right now, so I’d prefer casual stuff atm, but on the long run I do want a partner to share my life with.

20) What are your deal breakers?

Really obnoxious people, ignorance and bigotry I guess. And I’m not keen on someone pushing or disrespecting my boundaries, either.

21) How was your day?

It was good!! My bro, his girlfriend and my friend tagged along to get our (me and my soon-to-be sis-in-law’s) ears pierced, and then my friend and I got a loot of food. I didn’t exactly feel good enough abt myself to be comfortable outside, but I got a lot of random kindness and that was Nice.

22) Favourite food & drink

Food: teriyaki chicken and seafood pasta, drink: ginger ale and iced coffee

23) What position do you sleep in?

I sleep half-curled up on my side, but I need to toss and turn a little until I find The Best Position.

25) Your fears

The dark, needles, rabbits (I don’t even know, dude), the fact that I’ll die without having made an impact on the world, being spoken about behind my back, being a bad influence on my friends.

28) Any pets?

Not right now! I used to have two rottweilers around the house growing up, but they both passed away sadly.

29) What are your hobbies?

Writing, sketching, basketball, getting on people’s nerves, researching typology, watchin movies idk?

31) What was your last awkward situation?

Asjhdh the ticket control guy told me to “Have a safe trip” and I said “You too!”. This rarely happens to me tho

32) What is your last regret?

Not holding my friend’s hand on public transport. It was…right…there….and she already told me she’s more than comfortable with physical touch! I’m a fool! Everyone thinks I hate touching but I don’t! I’m just shy!

34) Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

Ehh. Kind of? As for believing, I believe more in ghosts, but I do see some patterns in different signs. I just try not to let it affect the way I see/interact with a person, because no one deserves to be prejudiced for whatever reason, especially not their date of birth. Tarot is just fun, and the cards r cool

35) Have any quirks?

I bite the skin on my fingers, scratch my acne, make my knees jump… most of it is just regular anxiety stuff tho so idk?? I do think I’m quirky, but there’s just too much weird stuff to list ‘em.

36) Your pet peeves

Cig/booze stink on a person, customers being rude, bigotry, interrupting other people… There’s quite some things that annoy me asjdgd

40) Last 5 things from your search history

Boku No Hero Academia, Hawks, duck emoji, Grumman fma, How To Train Your Dragon

41) What’s your device backgrounds?

My phone lockscreen rn is a beautiful KagaKuro fanart of them standing in the rain in yukatas, Kagami looming over Kuroko and shielding him from the rain and Kuroko reaching up to stroke his face; my phone background is an art of they/them pronouns tattooed on someone’s knuckles, their posture unsure; my laptop background is a screenshot from the movie Déva, of blue skies and a street lamp.

42) What do you daydream about?

…cu..cuddling,,my…crush……..

44) What's your religion/Your thought about religion

Short version: barf

Long version: I was raised catholic (even tho I was never baptized), and attended catholic school for 8 years which gave me a really warped idea of Christianity, Which made me a cynic & an agnostic or atheist by proxy. I harshly criticize the catholic church and faith but sometimes… when I do feel hopeless I get down on my knees and pray, so I guess if I let myself find my own faith I’d be a believer. But right now, I’m good just existing in my nihilistic bubble

45) Your personality type

Needy imeanwhat. In a typological sense, I’m an INFP in Myers-Briggs, 4 core 5 wing in Enneagram, melancholic or sanguine in the temperaments, et cetera. Basically I’m a sad daydreamer with unresolved issues and a need to do Art

47) Are you happy with your current life?

Nah bro. I like my friends and my workplace but I’d like to move out of home ASAP. I’d also… like to get therapy before I go and put myself out there.

48) Some things you've tried in your life

Playing the guitar, hostess work, weed, cigarettes, being blackout drunk, smoking from a hookah, cooking, football, handball, basketball, volleyball, cycling, sailing, driving, hitchhiking long distances, folk dancing, one-night stands, long-distance relationships, helping people in need…

50) Favourite colour to wear?

Olive green, midnight/navy blue, white, grey and black.

53) If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

I’d… like to know how it would feel if I had a flat chest and a penis? I also want bigger Guns, and Abs, some more tattoos and maybe an eyebrow piercing.

55) Do you get complimented often?

I think so? I usually brush off compliments uhhh but yeah maybe! Maybe idk

58) Songs you're currently obsessed with?

My friend’s playlist reminded me that ‘Phenomenon’ by Thousand Foot Krutch exists. I’m also really into ‘San Francisco’ by The Mowgli’s atm and ‘Golden Time Lover’ by Sukima Switch!

59) Song you normally wouldn't admit you like.

I mean, it’s not like it’s cringe or anything, I hate cringe culture BUT. I do have Ariana Grande’s ‘Side to Side’ stuck in my head rn

64) Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can sing pretty badly, play a bad tune on my guitar, drum on the edge of my table, so- Nah not really asdh

65) Do you like karaoke?

YES VERY MUCH I live and die for karaoke, last time I did it in front of an audience we sung the Shaman King opening at an anime con with friends, it was Rad

70) Your fictional crush/es

AH NO FUN Kagami’s my number one,,, let’s see then: Aomine, Roy Mustang, Kise, Mikoto Suoh, Hotch & Reid from Criminal Minds, Yagami Light, Jaime Lannister and Brienne from GoT, Rustin Cohle from True Detective, Shizuo Heiwajima from Durarara!!!, why is this list full of men I didn’t think I liked men this much

71) Which fictional character is you?

Eddie Brock from Venom I mean? He’s a whole ass mess.

79) How much time do you spend on the internet?

Yike. More than I’d be proud of.

86) Would you use death note, if you had one?

No way dude. I don’t fuck with that shit, karma would fuck me right back.

87) What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

I’d eliminate money and power and just make it a huge peaceful hippie community or something idk

90) What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Donate me to a medical school I don’t care. Make use of me! I’m gonna be dead, I won’t have any more feelings left to be hurt or anything asdghdsg

91) If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

I’ve had a name in mind that I tried out once, but it didn’t really work out for me after all. I’m fine with Vee and Vic rn. Anything that isn’t my given name. I do want to change my surname to my mother’s, but if I do that I also want to give myself a different first name, and since That isn’t figured out yet, I’m just?? Call me whatever dude

94) Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

Ugh, I’m bad at these. 1) I have plenty of moles. 2) My eyesight is pretty good. 3) I’ve broken some bones before.

95) Cold or hot?

Cold in beverage, hot in weather.

96) Be a hero or be a villain?

Being a villain is way too much fun, but I have too strong of a conscience to pull that off, so… hero, I guess.

97) Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Asjhdf singing is funnier and more annoying, since I Cannot Sing

98) Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Dude I’m non-binary. Shapeshifting for Sure

99) Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Aight I’ll give in – I agree to immortality Just This Once.

#this was LONG as FUK #ask and i shall answer #i kindly skipped those i've already answered ^^'#thank u buddy!!!#meiyanaalexia #i didn't think i'd get too real with this but here i am

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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1035

survey by tickticktmr

Do people spell your name wrong very often? LOL, of course. When your name is the less-common variant, expect it to be misspelled all the time. Only like 2 out of 10 times do people ask me if my name is spelled with an i or y, but it’s them I appreciate the most.

Who will your next phone call be with? I’m not expecting any phone call for a while.

Would you rather be taken or single? Ugh, taken. I love being in a relationship; I always enjoyed looking after someone else and doing things to make them happy. Being independent has its perks too, but I always feel lonely at the end of the day.

Do you plan to move any time soon? Nope, I’m taking it slow.

Would you rather have pink or green hair? I’d go with green but only if it’s a dark shade, like the color of seaweed. I wouldn’t appreciate neon green on my hair.

Do you miss anyone's smile right now? I saw it again yesterday, so I’m good.

Do you want kids? I used to, but now I’m back to the drawing board when it comes to kids.

Do you know who sings 'Let it rock'? It’s not ringing a bell, and honestly the first thing I remembered was the Goofy Goober Rock song from the Spongebob Movie HAHAHA. Sorry to disappoint.

Do you think stargazing is a romantic thing to do with someone? Sure, but I think it also works platonically. Stargazing is generally a nice and relaxing thing to do whether you’re alone, with an SO, with a friend, or with a bunch of friends.

Do you want to tell someone something right now? Yes, but I can’t.

What's your opinion on sex before marriage? It’s whatever. People can do what they want, and the only things they should watch out for are consent and being safe.

Do you own a car? I don’t own it, i.e. I didn’t pay for it, but it was given to me so I can have a car to drive myself when I need to go to places.

What is something that is always in your kitchen cupboards? Rice.

The last person you spoke to: have you ever lied to them? For sure. Growing up with strict parents taught me how to lie convincingly.

Have you ever made out with them? That person is my mother. No.

What woke you up today? I did so naturally.

Have you ever had a pet rock? No. People do that? How do rocks become pets?

Have you ever been lost? LOL like the lost-in-life kind of lost? Sure. I’m going through it at present because life threw a shit ton of curveballs at me over the course of two months.

How long is it until your sibling)s) birthday? My brother’s birthday is in 5 months; my sister’s is in 10 as she celebrated her birthday just last September.

Are you lazy? I can be if I want to. But I’m not always, of course.

Do you read the newspaper? No.

Have you ever heard of the song 'Teeth the size of piano keys'? No.

Who was your last thought about? You got me thinking about my sister because of the earlier question about her birthday.

What made you in the mood you are in right now? I’m relaxed at the moment and that’s thanks to the fact that it’s Sunday, I’ve recently gotten into a new hobby and a show I can dive into, and tomorrow’s a holiday so no work for me :) Gonna make the most out of this evening for sure.

Have you ever told someone to go to Hell? I’ve most likely done so, but only as a joke.

Do you know anyone named Jos? As in, pronounced ‘Jaws’? No. That’s one of the more unique names I’ve heard.

What's your font on MSN/AIM? I don’t use either. I never used either, either.

What's more important to you: books or music? Music.

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nah. Even when I still collected magazines, I preferred physically going to magazine stands and buying new issues. It was more exciting that way.

Has someone ever really hurt you without even realizing? Yeah.

What do you sleep in? A bed, most often. Sometimes I’ll pass out on the couch but that doesn’t happen too much anymore.

Have you changed in the past six months? Yes, both naturally and forcibly. It’s been... quite a year for me, even if we put Covid aside.

Do you bite your nails? When I’m anxious. I haven’t had to do this for a while though, and I mostly did when I was in school awaiting a presentation I had to make.

Do you like the name Natasha? I used to like it when I was younger, but it slipped out of my favorites for no real reason at some point; it just did.

What's a food that starts with the last letter of your first name? Naan.

Does your house have a white picket fence? It used to, but we had them removed after a string of typhoons increasingly deteriorated their quality over the years.

Have you ever been given flowers? Sure.

Do you have a YouTube account? How many videos have you watched on it? I do. Is the second one a real question lol? I’ve watched thousands, as I’m sure most people who use YouTube have done as well. This is like asking how many tweets in total I’ve read on Twitter since I first signed up.

Do you know anyone who is really, really conceited? My mom can be one. She likes to act as if she can do no wrong.

Who’s the last person you told off? My manager at work. I did something she asked me to do and followed the instructions down to a T...and then she said I shouldn’t have done it? That kind of thing happens at work every now and then and it’s fucking exhausting. It’s like every move I make has its own script and the script changes every five minutes.

Are you optimistic? Sure, but not always.

How do you get to school/your job? I work from home, but under normal circumstances I would’ve been driving myself to the workplace.

Love or lust? Love.

Do you smoke cigarettes? Yeah, but I keep my use of it at an extreme minimum. I’ve only done it socially and I’ve only asked for cigarettes from my friends who have their own packs (and were willing to give me a couple of sticks, of course).

Have you ever been so mad at someone you hurt them? Like, physically? Yes, but it’s only because I was hit first.

Have you ever met someone you met online in person? This is on surveys a lot...yes. I’ve met several online friends who were once in the wrestling circle with me; and one time I bought a product from someone online so we had to meet up for that, too.

Have you ever not studied for a test and gotten 100%? Probably not a 100%, but close. I never studied for my Language exams in middle school because it was just literal English grammar, which I was already good at by that point.

Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend right now? I don’t have any.

Have you ever won a contest for public speaking? No, but I’ve joined one. I got a little frazzled by the middle of my speech (it was impromptu and I didn’t know my question until I got on stage) so in the end that cost me first place.

Are there any woods near where you live? Nah, it’s a private village so it’s super suburban and no hidden woods or forests anywhere.

What did you do today? So far I’ve watched 3/4 of an episode of Start Up, cried, washed my face, washed the glass that I drank soju from last night, and sat up in bed and continued this survey.

Have you ever considered suicide? Yes.

Do you have a lot of myspace friends? No. I never really used my account.

What was your favorite subject in grade six? Science was fun then. Partly because I could tell the teacher liked me, and partly because her method of teaching was big on memorization of terms and processes which was always more my speed.

Hot chocolate or coffee? I could go for coffee right now. Hot chocolate is best when I’m on vacation and having breakfast at a fancy hotel.

Do you like your neighbours? I don’t dislike them, that’s for sure.

Did you do something stupid today? Not yet.

Name a five letter word that starts with the same letter as your first name. Ripen.

What time did you go to sleep last night? Around midnight. That soju/Yakult combo knocked me out.

Did you have fun yesterday? It was an okay day, sure. I got productive and even drank for a bit last night just because.

How many people are online on your MSN/AIM right now?

Would you like to/did you drop out of school? No, that was never a part of my plans.

What was your favorite book as a child? If we’re talking kids’ books, I never got tired of rereading Corduroy and The Giving Tree. I also had a book of poems and nursery rhymes and I remember taking a liking for The Owl and the Pussycat because it was the longest poem in the book and it helped me train my English.

How far away does your best friend live from you? Both live around 20-30 minutes away, just in different directions.

Do you think you could write a book? A memoir, yes. Anything fictional, no.

Is it hard to tell someone you like them? Yes.

How many bedrooms does your house have? 4.

Do you know anyone who can't speak French? Nearly everyone I know.

When's the last time you brushed your teeth? Last night.

Are you the same religion as your parents? Legally. But I disowned Catholicism/Christianity a long time ago.

Would you do anything for a certain person? Yes, I would.

Do you know anyone in your science class? The last science class I took was a course on chemistry, and I only knew one person in that class.

Describe your room: Cozy, starting to get a little cluttered, big enough for one person.

Do you still write letters to Santa, even when you know he's not real? No, and I never wrote letters addressed to a Santa.

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Nope.

Have you ever been lied to by a girlfriend/boyfriend? I’m sure she did.

Where is your dad right now? I can’t tell whose turn it is to make breakfast today, so he’s either in the kitchen cooking or in their bedroom watching TV.

Are any of your relatives pregnant? As far as I know, no. But I also haven’t been on Facebook in a while, so I’m poorly updated on what my relatives have been up to.

How many garabe buckets are in your house? I have no idea what this is talking about.

Would you want the truth if you asked if your pants made you look horrible? If I asked that then yeah, I obviously would want to hear the truth.

#survey #surveys

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redorblue · 4 years

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Future Home of the Living God by Louise Erdrich

I was going to keep this blog Corona-free, but I read a book that I want to talk about and that touches on the current situation, so I decided to make an exception. The book is called Future home of the Living God by Louise Erdrich, and before I start gushing I might add that in the light of current events, the atmosphere especially in the first part can be a bit upsetting. I’m still not quite sure why I decided to pick up a book about the end of the world in the first place. But I’m glad that I did, because it’s just so good.

The story is about Cedar Hawk Songmaker, a young Ojibwe woman who was adopted and raised by a white couple. At the beginning of the book, she is about four months pregnant, which she sees as an opportunity to reconnect with her biological mother and assorted family members. That first meeting is a work of art on its own: it perfectly encompasses the entire spectrum of emotions that such a meeting might provoke, from instant connection and familiarity over awkwardness and stiffness to a feeling of complete alienation because of the stark difference in social class, and the scene jumps wildly between all of them. These dynamics alone would make the story work, but it’s also set in a not-very-distant future that quickly devolves into a dystopia. There are references to climate change, but the event that triggers societal collapse is the stop, or rather the reversal, of evolution, meaning that humans give birth to homo erectus babies, dinosaur-like beings hatch from regular birds’ eggs, dragonflies suddenly have a wingspan of a meter again, and even plant species change beyond recognition. It’s never explained why this happens because in the book nobody knows either, but it causes the collapse of the US as a unified state and the appearance of some of the staples of dystopian fiction: widespread violence, deeply immoral governments, desperate or simply malicious people doing bad things, but also people coming together on a local level and trying to save as much and as many as possible.

So far, so omnipresent. What makes this book such a rare find for me was that it consistently focused on the perspective and the life of this one ordinary person who is not caught up in some high-level political/military game with the powers of evil, who is not even a member of the resistance, but simply tries her hardest to bring her child into the world (and get to keep it afterward). I say this with love, but she’s quite possibly the most unremarkable character in the main cast: she doesn’t smuggle people out or helps to hide anyone; she doesn’t work to form a self-subsistent, safe entity out of the reservation where her mother lives; she doesn’t take the initiative to escape once she’s captured; and most of the time, she’s the least informed person in the room.

But that’s exactly why it works, and why it’s different from other stories out there (more on that later). The dystopia is the setting, and don’t get me wrong, it works - sometimes frighteningly so because it feels so similar to our current situation: most people feel something is coming/here, but since they have little information and no idea what to do about it, they just keep on living while things around them deteriorate. But the dystopia is only the setting, not the story.

The story is about motherhood, both with regard to Cedar’s navigating the now two mothers in her life and with regard to Cedar’s own approaching motherhood. It is told in the form of a diary, narrated by Cedar and addressing her unborn child, which makes it feel very intimate. This intimacy is contrasted ever more by the way that the new powers that be (some sort of Christian fundamentalist church-government) try to turn reproduction into a matter of state control and public interest. In the end, the story is about Cedar fighting to be the one in charge of this supposedly very personal experience: mostly against the new regime, yes, but also against the baby’s father and even her adoptive mother. This focus on the personal over the political means that we spend a lot of time in Cedar’s head listening to her philosophical/religious musings (she’s a Catholic) and that we don’t get explanations for a lot of things that happen to her. As someone who loves the intricacies of good worldbuilding, I understand if this is frustrating to some people. But there’s a lot of stuff with expansive worldbuilding and lots of action out there already, and the fact that this isn’t like that is precisely what made this one stick out to me. In addition to that, there’s probably also a lot to be said about the religious symbolism in this book, especially around female saints, which gave it a philosophical tinge that I liked a lot, but half of that probably flew right over my head, so I’m going to leave that for now.

On Goodreads I saw a lot of people comparing this to The Handmaid’s Tale, with some even going as far as saying that they’re basically the same thing and that Louise Erdrich just ripped off what Margaret Atwood did better thirty years before. I don’t think that’s true though. Sure, they share some basic tenets, like a decline in fertility bringing about societal collapse, women being forcibly recruited to have as many babies as possible, or Christian fundamentalists taking charge. But there’s nothing entirely new under the sun, and I think they took some similar ideas and made them into different things. First off, the writing is very different: The Handmaid’s Tale makes you experience the soul-crushing boredom that the protagonist suffers, while Future Home is switches between a meditative tone and more action-y scenes, and the effect of being addressed directly as a reader (remember, it’s diary entries addressed to “you”) changes the reading experience.

Second, it has different themes. While The Handmaid’s Tale depicts isolation and the effects it has on the psyche, Future Home focuses on connections (especially between women) - positive connections, for the most part, but it doesn’t simplify them to a mere “we’re all best friends now”-level. They’re still complex and sometimes complicated, especially when it comes to Cedar’s sister and mothers. Future Home also presents a more balanced view on religion, simply because Cedar herself is a Catholic (one who is even knowledgeable about theology, but has a liberal mindset), while Atwood’s protagonist isn’t very religious. Another thing that sets Future Home apart from The Handmaid’s Tale is it’s inclusion of Native (Ojibwe) elements like reservation politics, history, the importance of a Native female saint (Kateri) to people’s spiritual lives, or Cedar’s anxieties about being Native by blood, but not by socialization. I love The Handmaid’s Tale as much as the next person, but it really is very white, and Future Home isn’t.

However, what this book actually reminded me of was a short story by Ted Chiang that I read recently named “72 Letters”. It builds on the concept of the golem, a figure made out of clay and animated by a piece of parchment with a special word/name on it that was supposedly built by rabbis to defend their communities against antisemitic pogroms. In this story, the technique is adapted to animate all sorts of automatons and get them to perform menial tasks - if you manage to find the right name for the creature, something that comprises its essence and capabilities in 72 letters. The society-shattering crisis in this story is still a few generations away, it sets in when a handful of scientists find out that in a few decades, all men will turn infertile, but it already brings out the worst in some of those in the know. The idea is to use the golem-animating technique to sort of artificially inseminate women, but mainly those of the middle and upper classes because God beware people decide on their own how many children they have and the unwashed masses take over. It’s not a very long short story, sadly, but it shares a few themes with Future Home like state control over reproduction, the ethical limits of science, God’s role in evolution and reproduction, and the struggle between different groups of people - social classes for 72 Letters, species of humans for Future Home. 72 Letters tackles the issue of significant changes to reproductive abilities from a Marxist perspective, while Future Home’s approach is more feminist, but they’re both interesting perspectives. What they definitely do show is that it’s not an intrinsically religious problem to want to take control over who procreates and who doesn’t, but that the same drive can be found in secular and even supposedly “progressive” people/ideologies/institutions, and that’s a lesson worth listening to.

#future home of the living god #louise erdrich #the handmaids tale #margaret atwood #72 letters #ted chiang #book review #coronavirus #covid19 #covid-19 #covid 19

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queerasfolkmagic · 6 years

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Introducing myself

Hello folks,

Having been here a while, I thought it was about time to formally introduce myself to you guys. Plus I’ve spent most of the day drafting a letter of introduction to apply for an apprenticeship, so my thoughts on who I am in terms of magical practice and where I’ve come from feels a lot more organised than it has for years.

So the basic stuff. I’m a queer cis man living in the UK, but I grew up working class in Georgia. I’ve got a brilliant boyfriend who is a dyed in the wool atheist & sceptic who nonetheless is extremely supportive of my practice. I work in the arts, and have been working professionally as a poet, performer and installation artist for the past 15 years or so. However, I’m taking some time off next year from both my company and my arts practice to focus on retraining as a psychotherapist. In its own way, this feels closely linked to my renewed interest in magic, but more on that later.

So my journey into magic - When I was a freshman in high school, a way-cooler-than-me senior sat me down in a patch of grass near our school and asked me if I’d ever heard of Wicca. I’m not sure why she singled me out – I was a pretty nerdy and way into fantasy novels, but she was friends with my older brother. It was the first time I’d ever heard of Wicca, but she lent me a copy of Cunningham’s Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner, patted my head, and sent me on my way. I read the book from cover to cover and shared it with my friends, and we formed (or at least formalised!) our first coven.

The 90s was a pretty good time to be a teen witch. The Craft came out, and you could pick up Llewellyn books at Barnes and Noble (even if your heart was pounding the entire time you walked up to the register). It was good, even in the Bible Belt. There was a metaphysical shop in downtown Atlanta we’d all make the occasional pilgrimage to when we could convince an older sibling to drive us down, or later when we started getting our own licenses. We traded books and stayed up late. We burned candles in the woods – scrappy copses of undeveloped lands at the edges of our subdivisions, our public parks, our back yards. I started wearing a pentacle and drawing green men on my textbooks. It was the 90s and it was exciting. I read a lot of Cunningham and Caitlin and John Matthews. Later I found Starhawk, both her fiction and non fiction.

However, I remember that even at the time I felt like I got more out of books like Brian Froud and Alan Lee’s Faeries or pretty much anything by Charles de Lint or Terri Windling, and the bits of folklore that got slipped into their stories. I felt more resonance with current writers grappling with and interpreting myth and folklore than I did with people writing about modern witchcraft. Partly, it was because I felt uneasy about some of the claims around unbroken lineage a lot of writers were making, rather than admitting and owning a reconstructionist approach. Also, the emphasis around fertility never felt like it fit for me. As a queer kid in a small southern town, the last thing I needed was another dogmatic approach to gender. When authors talked about the Wheel of the Year, it sounded like a beautiful myth but one that felt so removed from me. The Horned God felt like just another straight guy – unknowable and unrelatable,

I spent a lot of time walking through woods, and trying to be open to what they contained. Looing back, I think what resonated a lot more with me was a sense of animism – something that was discussed briefly in the books I read, but never given the same sense of importance as Deity worship.

Then things fell apart. My dad committed suicide and my mom’s addictions started spiralling out of control. My own drug and alcohol use increased massively. I started spending a lot more time at raves than I did in nature. By the time I finished high school, my sense of connection with nature and interest in spirituality of any stripe pretty much disappeared. Occasionally it would resurface. I went to acting school, and the Goddess showed up in more than one visualisation exercise – which was both powerful and uncomfortable. After I got sober I discovered Quakerism and connected to a different kind of god – not quite the Christian one, not quite the Wiccan one – but someone who felt like a loving father and also mysterious and awesome. Still, nothing really stuck. I moved to the UK in 2004 and religion and spirituality is pretty much a no go here.

So fast forward a couple of years – I promise I’m getting to the end! Two things happened. I took my partner back to the US to meet my family, and the newness of seeing my family through his eyes taught me a lot including the fact that my family is witchy AF. We talk openly about seeing ghosts, we talk with our dead and they speak to us in signs, we share stories about premonitions and intuition, and we create little altars all the time. I know it sounds stupid, but I’d genuinely never really thought about it before. It was just my family. I though magic came from wise women in the woods, not my Aunt Nancy in Chicago. For the first time, I thought about magic as being an inheritance, and as something that bonds me to family both living and dead.

The second incident happened while on holiday in Cornwall when for the first time in years I took a whole week off and sat by the sea. I didn’t do anything else. I turned off my phone and just sat in the sunshine, slept when I was tired, ate when I was hungry, watched the waves and the moon and the bees and just listened. And a message came through loud and clear (and terrifying in its clarity).

And so with both those things in mind, I opened myself up. There were a lot of mistakes. The first witchy book I bought after 20 years was a beautiful book on natural healing – gorgeous pictures, but mostly recipes for homemade bath bombs and raw smoothies and nothing on spirituality. I bought some santo palo and realised I do not like the smell of santo palo. I bought way too many crystals and tarot packs, all of which looked beautiful and felt dead in my hands. I started a tumblr page and followed pretty much anyone who looked a bit witchy and got lost down some unfulfilling rabbit holes.

Then one day I pulled out a tiger’s eye my best friend had given me in high school and I felt something. Something profound – a tingle in my hand and up my arm, small but undeniable. I found a tarot pack that started giving me startlingly clear answers. – turns out it was a basic vanilla RWS pack I needed! I found some great witchy podcasts – New World Witchery, The Witch Wave, and Betwixt and Between – who were talking about things that made sense to me.

The world of witchcraft has changed SO MUCH in the past twenty years I was away! Wicca is no longer the only flavour! No shade to Wiccans, but it feels so good to see other traditions be given more airtime. I’d never heard of Southern Conjure, hoodoo, and cunningfolk practices, and it has been so exciting to learn a bit about them. I’ve found Judika Illes and Byron Ballard. I’ve rediscovered Cunningham – not all of it is relevant to me, The Magical Household is one of the best books I’ve ever read. Most importantly, I’ve started thinking again about what bits of folklore and fairy tales feel ‘right’. So while The Green Witch and The Sorcerer’s Secrets are on my beside ‘to read’ book pile, so is The Book of English Magic, A Treasury of British Folklore, The Long Lost Friend, and A Deed Without a Name. So is Brewers Book of Phrase and Fable and Red Sky At Night and In The Pines and The Book of English Folk Tales and fairy tale collections from the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson.

So while I’m still finding my way,I’d like to be a modern-day cunning man. I’d like to use traditional and folkloric knowledge relating to my cultural and ancestral heritage (Irish, Welsh, Hungarian, Southern American, working class, queer) to help myself and the people around me deal with the challenges of being alive – finding security, dealing with grief, understanding their loved ones better. I’d like to be a repository for old ways and the creator of new ones. I’d like to be open and honest about my practices and my spiritual life. I’d like to be mostly kind and sometimes righteous when I need to be. I’d like to be on a first name basis with my ancestors and the land I live on. I’d like to spend time learning about little gods – house spirits, local faeries and land spirits, the birds who live in the local park, the spiders who make their homes in my garden – than building up big pantheons from other cultures. I’d like to celebrate the phases of the moon rather than the Wheel of the Year. I’d like to worship my mom and dad as the fierce, wonderful, loving, dangerous spirits they are. I’d like for casting a spell or talking to my ancestors to be as immediate an impulse as looking something up on Google. I’d like to be Sally Owen. Maybe Gilly Owen. One of the Owens, anyway. Definitely one of the Owens

#queer witch #gay witch #folk magic #folk witch #folklore #green witch #hedge witch #witches #witch #witchcraft #witch community #male witch #witches of tumblr #working class witch #london witch #bristol witch

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formerlyjannafaye · 6 years

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100 Questions

I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.

1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan

2. How old are you? 31

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

6. What’s your lucky number? 2

7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment

8. Where are you from? Canada

9. How tall are you? 5′4

10. What shoe size are you? 8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.

12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.

13. Last person you texted? my dad

14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?

15. Last TV show watched? New Girl

16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!

18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.

19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.

20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha

23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)

24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)

25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out

26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.

28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.

32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.

34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.

36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.

38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.

39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.

40. Sexual orientation? Straight.

41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.

42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!

43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.

44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!

46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).

47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.

52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.

53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.

56. What color underwear? Grey.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.

61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.

62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.

63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches

64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)

68. Favorite school subject? English and French

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.

71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.

74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times

77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.

78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.

79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.

82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.

83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA

84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.

85. What color are your eyes? Green.

86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.

87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.

88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me!

89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.

90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.

91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.

94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)

95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.

96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).

97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!

99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.

100. Color of your room? Light grey.

I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers

#am i late to the party?#you know it #but running late is my style #sigh #survey

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davidjjohnston3 · 3 years

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I am mad at my biological father... People in Milwaukee have strong spirits but they don't test or discern from whence these spirits come (Satan); they have a kind of 'anti-a'ga'pe' that wants to send people to Hell. I finally got fed up and started cursing or at least confuting in my head and heart, wishing there would be terrorized for messing with me / my soul. I want them to be chastened. In what universe is it OK to antagonize someone's soul rather than build them up / edify? It's Babylon America: commerce is king, pornography is the supreme teacher(?), media is religion, movie-theaters are temples. All this time my 'father-in-law' was trying to teach me the American way of lying to the civil authority and medical professionals... A while back I took stock of 'our' old family home and realized in some ways my biological parents are not that bad. I told my biological father as much and he got even more mad / contemptuous of me. Do I not assess the man properly? Reddit got mad at me for saying 'social form' and some Christian on Twitter tried to 'nope(?!..=|)' me for saying I prayed Sec. Pompeo will be President. 'No room in the Kingdom for phony Christians.' What's phony about defending the faith worldwide? Paul Washer of HeartCry Ministries extols the authority of the African father and the son kneeling before him but Caucasian American dad-son relationships are not that way in my experience. Once I bowed to my dad but it didn't mean much. Once he bowed to me after my (near)-suicide-attempt in Korea and that did mean.. Anti-racism seemed like an important concept to me but then I thought there are so many people who just wanna get stuff and if I met Ibrim X. Kendi in real life he's probably be cordial enough but not hesitate to unlease looters and rioters against me for his vision of the greater good not to say communist-disintegrationist-chaoticist utopia. Everyone in Milwaukee seemed to be mad at me a while back since the story of me in Korea at the high school was not 100% storybook. 'Oh David James Johnston he fell in love with his 16-17-year-old student, but realized they are being left behind or the Korean War is really terrible and they're all in danger up there then some things happened with the faculty and he tried to kill himself.' That is not totally inaccurate but I wasn't 100% the depressive melancholy young prince over the last 9 years. I had some ambitions and I studied a lot and I also had bad habits like smoking. I got a short-sleeved white polo shirt at the department store and lost a bit more weight. I am around 5'11 165 I would guess. I really have to make sense of my cardiac condition although hopefully it was acute / idiopathic from the Pfizer vaccine. What scares me is that I had a foreaugury or prophecy(?) of it in 2016 when I felt something like a powdery liquid running down behind my breastbone at the same time as when I was walking around Lake Park in terror of Koreans from the past coming to kill me, angel soldiers, 'the stars throwing down their tears,' the tiger of wrath, and also, feeling like God was feeding me something without having to eat. I still haven't read all of Blake's 'America: A Prophecy.'

* The psychiatrist whom I respect offered or 'ordered' me Prozac last week and it made me think. I feel almost like the Boomers saw Millennial children as having no souls. My parents wanted to send me to Hell. My mother always used to speak about 'Rosemary's Baby' and when I was young I ran around with a red cape in a strawberry patch. My mother told me this when I was in the mental hospital in 2013, afraid of the color red and not wanting to tear my chicken sandwich since I thought that it was metonymic(?) for tearing the Scripture rather than swallowing / appreciating it whole. 'We Boomers worked hard, stopped the ['totally causeless not trying to help anyone'] Vietnam War, Civil Rights, moreover weathered the traumas of JFK, MLK, RFK assassinations; ergo we earned the right to treat our daughters as sex-slaves and fire out our sons in order the better to take advantage of our neighbors' daughters whilst also amusing ourselves by medicating and psychologizing our kids rather than loving them and tending / nurturing / ministering to their souls.' I didn't take the Prozac but I did think of (Ms. / Artist / [Singer]) Kim Taeyeon - 'Love in Color' is my favorite song of hers which makes me think about abortion-culture in a way and how 'too many choices' can destroy or over-modulate the distance or scuff and wear down the love in a relationship - and bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2012 and suffered manic symptoms for most of my childhood. I felt in the hospital that one possible 'aetiology' or origin / backstory of bipolar is knowing that people out there want to kill you; or even, damn your soul to perdition / Hell / everlasting eternal conscious torment for displeasing them or going against their norms / expectations. My diagnosis was later jacked up to schizoaffective / bipolar schizoaffective, then nearly 'crossed the ionosphere' into schizophrenia, and is now back to schizoaffective thanks to the wonderful, integrity- and probity-filled psychiatrist, who was also the only person telling the truth and not being a corporatist tank-driving-vehicular-manslaughterer at my commitment hearing where Father in Law lied to a district judge and the justice system treated me like a second-class system. The ONLY person whose yes was yes and no was no. I still think sometimes about 'the condition of fiction.' I wish I could develop my more scholarly ideals sometimes rather than writing in this 'free' style as I don't really like freedom I like formality and rules. I miss []. I used to see so many colors and I saw this person in my mind's eye / Spirit when I met her online; but yesterday I felt like I just saw 'dark red.'

My brother is really rich (from Data Science)... I need to mend fences with him... I feel as if over the years I might've had mixed motives in 'taking him under my wing.' We had a bad relationship when I was young and I even stole money from him a couple of times. I also tried to catch him looking at pornography online rather than rebuke or chastise or plead with him not to, for courting death and failure. I just wanted to embarrass / shame him. I helped him get a job shortly after the Great Recession and I guess some part of me falsely believed he owed me a favor for that. I sent him many books over the years. After my initial diagnosis of a possibly disabling mental disorder my mother told me he had said that I could live with him if I needed help but that no longer seems a possibility - in fact he said, 'I never said that.' I was worried since I'm weak. Hopefully God willing I can get back to where I was a couple of months ago and actually execute sth like the description of the educational administrative job that I was offered. I came to a point in my life lately where I no longer know whether something is destiny. When I took the HS job in Korea - maybe the biggest decision of my life - I was confident. But in the last couple of months has been a tempest or fog of war or I simply made so many decisions I don't recognize myself completely. I want to work on 'Leaving Babylon' or 'Leaving Milwaukee' or 'Leaving America.' There are or seem to be good Christians in Milwaukee but why live in Babylon - commercial empire worshipping all kinds of false prophetesses, porneia, objects, death, child-rape, abortion, post-partum abortion, automobiles, meals, brands, money / Mammon and other 'stuff' Pastor Timothy Keller calls 'Counterfeit Gods' (to say too little since they're actually often demons from Hell)... I'm not sure how to write it without penning distracting trash that would give wannabe writers bad habits and make naive readers think they know more than they do. My net worth is about 2,000 dollars but I want to give it away just because I'm mad. I thought about selling my Lenovo X-1 laptop since it's Chinese Communist poison / curse, I know it's hacked by Huawei or whoever through a nano(?)chip, Father in Law tracks with AI... I heard the new Samsung smaller notebooks have around a 17-hour battery-life.

Milwaukee's Child Protective Services appear to be some kind of CCP-derived 'metaphor-joke.' Amber Alert a child has been kidnapped in either a silver Kia or a Chevy Impala. You can mount a plate-reading AI-camera on a 50-dollar drone easily...

I'm applying to a job in Korea. I have no idea if I'll get in. It is in my favorite neighborhood, and I liked the video of their staff. This would be a 'redemption-arc' for me. 'I am so exciting.' I don't know if it can be. I listened to a few minutes of 'Inferno' by C. Cho. Masterpiece. Did I ever pay dues like a BigLaw junior associate? Was I ever fast-tracked? Career-decisions are difficult. I have literal rejection-demons, I think, or uncertainty-demons. Maybe it is Belial himself: sensuality plus intellectual abnegation. Like I want to pretend the Spirit isn't there. Other people also suffer disappointment-demons, I feel. Loss-demons. Understanding others can be challenging, and the fun of it, moreover, is overrated for some people. IDK if I can ever. And too, some people, once you understand them - when they realize you understand them - become shameless. They get more seared-conscience than ever, like the only reason they were ever acting good was to save / maintain face. 'Buyaolian.' In past I tried to be all things to all men but lately I ended up trying to be 'Chinese mistress' to someone in a bad way. I had already tried 'Japanese daughter, daughter-in-a-box.' I don't know why I don't try 'son' except it makes him fake more than usual, that I know of. I felt praised like a daughter when I got praised; although maybe it is just me. 'Hello Kitty is a girl,' Said the Sanrio person. I looked at our family cat Ariel the other day and thought, 'my adult daughter Yves from LOONA.' He used to look like a manly lion, like Jesus even, the Lion of Judah. Cats are feminine. I would get a cat but I just want to teach and write. This cat seems at peace; he no longer overeats nor conversely is hyperthyroidal and thin / 'dried out.' I miss the cat Pukah from down the way, who was fat and 'crepitant' in her voice-sound. I took care of her for pay and bought some Audiobooks with the 'loot' or 'lucre.'

I honestly have a theory about Koreanness I don't like to share called 'Han Death Runes' that says some people see Koreans - women and girls - and just want to rape and beat and kill them. They just do. Japanese soldiers / officers / the entire government did. Doubtless Chinese did before that. Korean men did too. Caucasian men do now. Other people look at babies and want to kill them - not a joke, empirical Science has recorded it; Saint Augustine some 1600 years ago developed the category of Original Sin.

For a time I was convinced that ShowerThoughts on Tumblr was the Korean girl whom I attempted to save from attempted sex-trafficking by implying she should work hard in tenth grade and learn about [AI, IT]...

I am interested in helping orphans and other young people; today in lieu of the Lead Teacher offer I missed out on I applied to some Assistant jobs at Christian private and charter schools and was impressed with the humaneness of the management-questions on the online hiring-assessment. Nonetheless, ‘Blessed Are the Peacemakers,’ and the world will need I think / believe for somebody to prove that it is possible to take care of young people who don’t have good parents such as through a better orphanage-system someday. At least, this is kind of what I dream and daydream about. I think Saint Paul would talk more about older women helping younger women to be good mothers, however, or ‘teaching’ them, whatever that means.

The pro-life cause as this political cartoon long ago pointed out is supposed to be in favor of life far beyond the emergence in to this world as a defenseless eight-pound baby.

I feel lately as if I ‘waged a war for peace’ and ended up as the only casualty. I don’t mean to aggrandize myself. I strengthened my enemies and all I got out of it was a clarified love. I hope / wish that this constitutes suffering and not just punishment before Moses for being a bad teacher with abominable taste in student clientele, and also forget to send off graduates with a graceful hail and blessing, maybe a final exhortation and prayer, and let them be they.

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stone-man-warrior · 3 years

Text

April 2, 2021: 2:04 pm:

============================================

I want to demonstrate how SAG news media creates labels for groups of people, and labels are created for just about any kind of repeatable circumstance, situation, disease, ailment, condition or set of conditions. The labels serve a tremendous role in the advance of global terrorism and mass murder by creating a set of jargon that is accepted as truth by millions of news viewers, while at the same time, that same jargon works like an instruction manual when viewed by members of the Canadian terror army who are led by the news media personalities with orders that are crafted by SAG Writers Guild members.

The Canadian terror army consider themselves as Pirates, they relate with pirate ideas and the “Pirate Way”.

“Pirates Say Aarrrgghh!”

Pirates take stuff that does not belong to them, they just take, and keep taking, while saying “Aarrgghh! and swinging a sword while releasing nitrous oxide gas on the wind.

The Canadian terror army of Pirates are all Christians. The most difficult part of this explanation is when I need to say that the Christian religion is fake, always was fake, is going to stay fake, and will never be a real religion, because Christianity is born of being pirates, when the first group of them took over Greece where the Parthenon is at, destroyed everything there, then found the Library at Alexandria, stole that and took slaves. The combination of the knowledge contained in the scrolls of Alexandria and those slaves who could read them was used by those first Christians against other populations of people, and the very first use of that knowledge wielded as a weapon was when the pirates used what the knowledge at Alexandria explained about Earth and time, the way there are four seasons, and the distribution of time in a year was done in ten increments, there were ten months in he year back then, so, to make it confusing for everyone, the terror pirates added January and February to the beginning of the year, Doing that disrupted what people already knew, that in March, which was the first month of the year, that is the time to begin to start to grow the food that would be stored and eaten in the next winter. The pirates added the two months, and that news spread around, while the vast majority of people could not read or write, they just knew that “It’s the beginning of the year, so, we need to start growing the food” ... but it was January, and the food would not grow as it did before at the beginning of the year in March.

The Christian Pirates used the Library at Alexandria and took as slaves the people who could read the scrolls, and those people were forced to teach the Christian Pirates, who used what they learned, against others.

They shifted time, They stole time itself and harnessed time as a weapon against people in effort to weaken them.

(low flying terror air force airplane noted over my house just now at 2:32 pm)

I already explained all of that in better detail in other parts of this account,

The Christian religion is not a religion, it’s an organized group of pirates who tell wild stories about a “God” and they use the contents of a book, “The Bible” as a means to lure in victims, who are nailed to the cross, on the pirate ship, to catch wind, to move the boat forward, so that they can lure in more victims, ever more Jesus’ are captured with the fake stories in the book, they are nailed to the mast of the pirate ship to catch wind, to move the boat forward, to catch more Jesus’, to nail to the mast, to catch wind, to move the boat forward.

=======

Those labels I started out with:

Antifa: This is a fictional group of people. “Antifa” demonstrations can be quickly assembled by NBC/Universal/Comcast. All they need is a “casting call” and the SAG actors (extras) will gather where they are told to gather. A screenplay is written such that the events will draw attention from desired locations, while providing distraction from other locations and perhaps other places where more offensive mass murdering, raping, and pillaging is taking place away from the planned Antifa demonstrations. The word Antifa is a brilliant use of the concept on the part of the terror army leaders who came up with that term, “Antifa“. That world allows the smart, patriotic US Citizens who are opposed to fascism will be looking like a gang of criminals simply because they might say out loud that there are Fascists who took over. The Fascists, AKA: Screen Actor Guild Members, invented a word, a label, that they can stick onto people to make those people appear as terrorists when they speak of fascism and US takeover by Fascists. The Fascists crafted the label that turns the good guys into perceived bad guys. The only safe thing to do, is carefully avoid use of the word “Antifa” and to completely disassociate ones self from Any Organized Group of demonstrative people. The only group to belong to in my view, is that of “United States Citizen”, and it’s not enough to say “American“ anymore, those days are long over with. You have to be specific, United States Citizen is the only thing that will work as a title to align ones self with a controlling entity. The problem with that, is that the US White House and US Congress have both been hijacked by Fascists from Screen Actor Guild, who claim to be US Citizens in White House and US Congress. Add all fifty US State Governors to the Fascists who hijacked USA.

Three Percenters: The Three Percenters is terror code for the activity of attacking and taking 3% of the population at a given event or gathering, city or county, or other place where people are at. The “Three Percent Taking” is done at theaters, music concerts, sporting and other events at stadiums, ... any place where people are gathered in large numbers can be set up in advance with apparatus and layout that favors the 3% taking. Basically, if a hundred thousand people are at a Cal-Jam concert in 1974, then, 3.000 people can disappear, be taken captive, farmed of assets and family contact information, then killed & replaced with impostors who will vote in upcoming elections as they are instructed to vote, for the Fascist Shills that Screen Actor Guild arranges to be on the voting ballots. The “Three Percenters“ label, covers all of that other truth up and buries it within a mysterious group of armed “militia”. The fact is, that any one who knows the truth and thinks about making a report about the three percent taking at venues, will think twice when they also think about a mysterious armed militia, and they won‘t make the report about truth because the Christian terror pirate Fascists of Screen Actor Guild managed to find a way to scare people before they make the terror report. (at Cal-Jam, there were First Aid Tents. The three percent taking was done mostly by virtue of groups of terror soldiers tripping the victims at various sets of stairs, and other means of creating injury such that the marked victims would go to those first aid tents, where the victims where kidnapped from while within the cover of the tent area, a roped off, controlled area where multiple first aid tents were at. I was there, I lost a friend to the three percent taking at Cal-Jam, Kim noice never came home, but someone else did come to her home and began driving Kim’s car.)

Oath Keepers: Oath Keepers is another scary mysterious militia story that has many uses for NBC/Universal “demonstrations”. As a word, or terror term, look at Oath Keepers like this: “To take an Oath, is to give your word, to make a promise to be loyal to some group and duty” ... something like that, make your own assessment of “Oath”, that assessment I did is basic. So, the “Oath” is about “The Word”, and now you can see what is happening behind the scenes of the demonstrations that include “Oath Keepers”. They are especially religious, Christian variety terror pirates, maybe the term serves a need to specify a difference between Seventh Day Adventist Canadian terror soldiers vs the SAG leadership levels of terror operatives. If so, “Three Percenters” starts to look more as SAG, while “Oath Keepers” makes me lean more towards a SDA riddled area of thought. Honestly, come to think of it, both terms, “Oath Keepers” and “Three Percenters” seem to have a Christian sort of bad taste to them.

The Proud Boys: “Proud”, African Lions run in “Prides”. I say the “The Proud Boys” are just another brand name of the same generic product as the “Oath Keepers” and the “Three Percenters”. Lions are “The King”, so, that is more Christian religious bullshit in my view.

After doing this little bit about the media and the labels they use for covering Fascism and USA take over by SAG Fascists, I have this thought:

Of the groups mentioned, the one the matters most is “The Three Percenters” because of the reality of the ongoing 3% taking at various venues where people gather for Kill & Replace terrorism. It could be that SAG created those other groups primarily in effort to try to bury the existence of the “Three Percenter” stories in them, as a way to turn the “Three Percenters” cover story into a circus of various opposing militia, so that no one will be thinking about the taking of 3% of the people in the stands at the Super Bowl every year while Lady Gaga is leaping from the rooftop into the stadium below in glorious SAG style with 500 colorful drones making a Star Map in the skies above.

Labels, they serve the Media, and the Media is killing the US Population. They have been doing it since 1971, and now, they are using a horible biblical sized epic plague as the cover story, it works the same as the Pied Piper leading the Lemmings over the cliff, but this Piper has Sheriff John and Friar Tuck working for him from the British Throne.

============

3:56 pm:

Back in 1971, the plan that had been carefully crafted over coarse of the previous thirty years or so, was deployed, rolled out, set into motion. What I do lately for when I need to think hard about this subject, and specifically “when was the Britain/SAG terror alliance nailed down, and when did the takeover plan begin to materialize as the adopted one that was rolled out? The plan to Kill & Replace US Populations with use of the broadcast airwaves by Screen Actor Guild Media entities who command a trained army from Canada who are armed with invisible gas that has no odor or taste, nitrous oxide, and to have the army release the gas in effort to prime the victims, to make easy to capture prey, and to mitigate the potential danger to the terror army soldiers, who are trained by Britain, in Canada, and are led as an army by Screen Actor Guild as mentioned with news stories on television, in code.

That is the final plan that has been under way since 1971. When did the plan begin to take shape as it’s final agreed upon form the way it was rolled out?

I say the plan took shape at about the same time as, or shortly after the faked attack on Pearl Harbor. I say that the Pearl Harbor Attack was the epitome of a different attack plan that was formed and took shape in the years following and a a result of World War One. The British never got past that Boston Tea Party. They never have given way to the sovereignty of USA. The British still feel that all of north America belongs to Britain, they never have stopped their advance, they simply regrouped, came up with goals, plans, and have been carrying out offensives against USA ever since the first Colonials were here to so the offensive.

Pearl Harbor attack was done by Britain with fake Zeros fitted with Mercedes Benz motors, and, those airplanes played a much smaller role than we are led to believe. The result of the Pearl Harbor attack is that USA was weaponized against Japan, by Britain’s charade.

now, Britain is secretly the ruling entity in Japan, and has been since USA bombed Hiroshima. It all was a complex plan to take Hawaii and Japan at the same time.

Today, Britain is secretly the ruling entity in USA as a result of the nitrous attack Kill & Replace plan with SAG media in the command position.

Britain rules Hong Kong, Australia, Canada, Japan, India, USA, new Zealand, all of South Africa, and a whole bunch more, yet no one ever talks about all of that.

I was trying to make a simple point when I started writing this addition to this entry. I want to point out, that in 1971 when the current take over plan was initiated, and SAG began to do the command orders for the Canadian terror army that was handed to them by Britain, at that time in 1971 the Screen Actor Guild could have been describes as “A nation without a country, gaining ground”.

Today, fifty years later, the Screen Actor Guild is in the White House and has been since Ronald Reagan. SAG and the “Kill & Replace” voter replacement plan worked, is complete, is over with, done, successful, and now US Congress is all Screen Actor Guild. Each state Governor’s Office is manned with a SAG Shill, so, again, success, the plan worked.

Fifty years ago, a group of organized like-minded people had a plan, they rolled out the plan, and a “nation without a country” is now a nation in secret command and control of that country they took as per plan.

Fifty years ago, US Citizens all were part of a nation, the Unites States of America.

now, it’s those few remaining US Citizens who are the nation without a country,

Since the SAG/Britain/Canada plane worked so well, the Kill & Replace method of murdering one citizen at a time in great numbers in effort to gain one single vote per murdered citizen actually worked. The bastards somehow managed to kill and dispose of hundreds of millions of US citizen voters ....

.... and no one has noticed in fifty years.

All that needs to happen now, is a controlled clean up effort to rid the country of the remaining US Citizens who are oblivious to any threat from Canada, Britain, or Screen Actor Guild.

It will be as simple as vacuuming the living room when the floor is already clean.

======

This is a Jack:

That is not a USA Flag, yet that Jack flies in the office of the US President, in the halls of US Congress, and in the offices of Governors throughout USA,

The USA Flag does not have a gold binding around it’s perimeter,

https://uscode.house.gov/view.xhtml?path=/prelim@title4/chapter1&edition=prelim

§1. Flag; stripes and stars on

The flag of the United States shall be thirteen horizontal stripes, alternate red and white; and the union of the flag shall be forty-eight stars, white in a blue field.

(July 30, 1947, ch. 389, 61 Stat. 642.)

=============================

Gone.

USA became fools, and the people are believing the lie that is Corona Virus. The lie that kills the nation.

================

5:28 pm:

Has any one else other than me noticed that since Joe Biden and Democrat presence took the White House that there seems to have been a boatload of horrible murderous rampage killings and Schule Schute style events?

Why?

The Republicans are no different than the Democrats, so why does Biden and the Democrats come with so many additional dog & pony shows?

You don’t really believe that all of those media feeding frenzies all took place without a Hollywood script and screenplay, casting call, props, make-up and wardrobe departments in full swing do you?

Why are the so called Republicans so quiet lately? What are they up to in the background while their Democrat comrades are drawing so much attention?

Some things to consider:

Republicans are interested in earthly materials. They like mining, minerals, metals, trees & lumber, granite for making fluted columns on Greek Architecture. Republicans like Railroads, big shipping boats, ports, lanes of traffic. They like military contracts, giant machines that are capable of digging to do more mining.

Democrats are interested in insurance companies, complicated social programs and hand outs for ease of scraping the cream off the top of the money trail. Democrats like hospitals, drug manufacturing, they like to stylish colorful and elaborate clothing, big parties, awards ceremonies, social media, and electronic gadget manufacturing. Democrats like Ray Bradbury style stories about the future, they like rockets and space travel, and one day, the Democrats say they want to start a colony on Mars.

Both Democrats and Republicans love banks, and banking, the Dems like to wear gold, while the Republicans would rather stash the gold away in case they need to melt it down to make a rake so they can plant some food after the shit gets a little more real than it already is.

The last time I checked, the FBI had about 4,000 field agents nation wide, and those field agents have support services from base operatives that don’t do field work.

Let’s say those 4,000 field officers are busy, they are hot on the trail of a whole bunch of really bad bad guys who are taking over USA at an alarming rate.

Then, in the middle of gaining some ground, catching up to those bad guys, media shows up with a bullshit story about some asshole who crashed the gate at the US Capitol Building.

All of those 4,000 field officers might be called to duty to protect the US Capitol Building where the US Congress members are at. The officers could get bogged down in a sea of paper work, making assessments, measuring, doing “What If Scenarios” just in case that asshole that crashed the gate was just a distraction for other idiots in the DC area.

Something like that would be bad. It would take the focus off of what those officers had found, and they found that they are greatly outnumbered, but, they still have to go babysit the US congress because some asshole crashed the gate.

For some perspective, where I live in Josephine County Oregon, I estimate that there are more than 4,000 hard core terror soldiers just in the five mile radius that surrounds my house. Each one of them has support available from a terror airforce that also resides in that same radius area, and what’s more, is each one of them has direct contact and support available from the US White House if that is what is necessary to protect them from being discovered,

But some asshole crashed the gate at the US Capitol Building.

=======

More perspective to think about:

Within about a one hundred mile radius of my home in Josephine county, there are a number if US national guard bases, I can think of only three that I actually know of as result of having been to them, but I am pretty sure there are many more withing that one hundred mile radius, and that includes Air Guard bases.

The thing I want to point out having mentioned those national guard bases, is that in that same one-hundred mile radius the included guard bases, there is not one single solitary US national Guard serviceman.

none.

There are bases, and there are men on the bases, but none of the men on the bases are US national Guard members.

There is US Military equipment at those bases, and there are men at the bases, but there are no US national guard members at the bases or near the military equipment.

now this may seem as stretch of the imagination, but I say the reason that the Joe Biden White House came with so many Schule Schutes and a gate crasher at the US Capitol, is largely because there are no US national guard members at those bases.

=============

6:34 pm:

Horrible poison leg attack update:

The surface wounds are slowly healing. The poison is still inside the leg. I went to two doctors this week and each one turned me away. The Asante Urgent Care doctor should have numbed my leg, and irrigated the three red sores that are there on the left side, opened the wound, used cleansing and antibiotic irrigation to flush the poisons out, then a stitch or two to close the irrigation area should have been applied, with a prescription for some antibiotics to take over the next ten days. That, and some suitable pain medicine should have been done at the White City Urgent Care when I was in the exam room there on Tuesday.

Instead, the doctor told me to go to a different hospital, where I might need to have the leg amputated above the knee.

The foot is persistently swollen, the toes are ice cold inside, and that is a product of the poisons, is not because of absence of blood flow. There is ample blood flow, but I think one of the poisons I was injected with was freon, the stuff that goes in an air-conditioner unit, and I believe that is why my toes are feeling like ice is inside.

I tried the name brand neo-sporin. and it worked for a little while, however I am experiencing a painful situation with application of name brand neo-sporin. The area where those sores are at on the shin is where I put the ointment, then, later, when I rinse the area because it starts to burn with the feeling like the worst sun burn I ever had, that I why I go rinse with Peroxide, but for some reason, that neo-sporin coming off with peroxide is taking a whole bunch of skin with it. Layers of skin are pealing away with the peroxide after use of name brand neo-sporin. The Equate brand just burned real bad, was unbearable, but this burns then peals way too much. The result is a lot of raw new skin that pealed too soon and is very painful while I am trying to apply some heat to warm the inside of my toes.

I have not walked enough to make assessment of the muscle cramp spasm of the calf and other shin muscles. I do feel some pain at the front ankle where that shin muscle is at on the front, and I am concerned about that muscle as it is located along the length of the shin just under those big poison wounds.

All of those open sores started out as tiny little red dots where the syringe penetrated my skin when I was attacked.

==============

8:35 pm:

I took a walk to the Jackpine just now.

As I stepped outside, the listening device that Monroe terror cell put under my house at the front porch picked up the sound of the door opening and closing, and then that sound signaled some synthesized bird call sounds to play through an amplifier at Chartrand’s terror cell. That sound was loud and signaled Sandy Monroe and another female to come out of the Offensive Monroe Surveillance Travel Trailer, but only after they waited until I had walked by that area. As I went through my gate, the two women signaled for a vehicle to come down the road from Sunflower or Strongs terror cell. Then, as I got to Jackpine, that is when that car actually showed up, I saw it coming so I quickly turned around to return home. Then, a conversation started at the Monroe back porch area, and simultaneously another conversation began at the Monroe Offensive trailer. The car that came down the road pulled into the Monroe driveway instead of going straight through as usual. Then, as I reached the place where the Monroe Trailer is at, three bull dogs began to bark and ran quickly to where I was hobbling myself past there. The conversation between the two women. Sandy and another girl that sounds exactly like Deb Monroe, got real loud while the dogs were running towards me at the fence line. The two women began to shout at the dogs, and the peaceful walk to the road was completely spoiled by terrorists who are constantly listening and watching every last thing I do with electronic surveillance listening equipment and many cameras.

The leg condition is still real bad, and made a muscle spasm by the time I reached my gate. I decided I had gone too far by the time I was almost home, and was unable to continue walking without taking a rest.

The interesting part of this is that while out running errands at the stores and doctors, the spasm muscle cramps did not happen, so, I suspect that Monroe is releasing more extra poisons in the nearby area, poisons that make a leg muscle cramp. That A-1 Exterminator van filled with pesticides was there in the Monroe driveway when I returned from the store on Wednesday.

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newstfionline · 6 years

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With Millennials less likely to believe in God, churches work hard to buck trends

John Boyle, Asheville Citizen-Times, March 31, 2018

The statistics are daunting, particularly when it comes to the “nones.”

Fewer younger people, particularly Millennials, attend church or believe in God, and they’re less likely to go to church. Just 50 percent of younger Millennials say they believe in God with certainty, compared to 64 percent for Gen X and 69 percent for Baby Boomers, according to the Pew Research Center.

“I think the first thing to point out, stepping back a moment, is there are big and important changes in the American religious landscape overall,” said Greg Smith, associate director for research at Pew, the Washington, D.C.-based organization that periodically publishes the Religious Landscape Study. “The share of Americans that have no particular religious affiliation--the atheists, the agnostics, the ‘nothing in particular’--that group is growing very rapidly. They are called the ‘nones,’ and the nones are growing very rapidly.”

The number of people who remain religious is still quite large, Smith said, but the trend away from organized church and faith remains troubling to pastors, priests and others who work in the field. Locally, they’re not just sitting on their hands and watching their membership decline.

Cathedral of All Souls in Biltmore Village has a growing younger membership, including a lot of young families, said Milly Morrow, associate dean at the church. That comes from reaching out to families and creating a comfortable environment for them.

“The other day a new young family came in, and the mother said she’s been searching other churches to find out where the other young families are,” Morrow said. “She came here and said, ‘Oh, they’re all at All Souls.’ That speaks a little to the story of why they’re going to church.”

More important, Morrow said, is the emphasis on teaching Christian beliefs and really instilling a sense of community among church members. They have found that Millennials, those in the 21-37 age range, are really interested in being part of a community, but also serving that community.

“I do know that my generation is looking for a place where service comes first,” said Morrow, 44. “The churches that are thriving right now are the churches that are really involved in community service and in social justice. That’s what’s going to keep a 20- or 30-year-old coming to church--an invitation to serve others.”

Pew’s 2014 research found that the percentage of younger Millennials who attend church at least once a week was 28 percent, and 27 percent for older Millennials. By comparison, 34 percent of Gen X attends weekly, 38 percent of the Boomers, and 51 percent each of the Silent and Greatest generations.

Millennials are a huge generation. The Pew Research Center noted earlier this month that “Millennials are on the cusp of surpassing Baby Boomers as the nation’s largest living adult generation, according to population projections from the U.S. Census Bureau.”

Based on data from July 2016, Millennials (those ages 20-35 in 2016) “numbered 71 million, and Boomers (ages 52-70) numbered 74 million.”

At All Souls, which has been an anchor in Biltmore Village for more than a century, younger membership has waxed and waned over the years, but increased dramatically in the last 10 to 15, Morrow said.

The same holds true at one of the region’s largest churches, Biltmore Church in southern Buncombe County. The church comprises five campuses and has about 11,000 members, with an average weekly attendance of over 7,500, according to Matt Kendrick, the church’s Next Generation pastor.

Of those attending weekly, 25-30 percent are young adults, with more than 60 percent being under 40 years of age.

“The average age of new members has gone from the mid-40s to the low-30s over the last four-five years,” Kendrick said. “We’ve been intentional in trying to reach young adults, but I’ll also give credit where it’s due--a lot of people in their 60s or 70s, they’ve really rolled with the changes. Everybody is on board to reach more people.”

Biltmore is known for its dynamic services, featuring large television screens, upbeat music and energetic preaching, but Kendrick says the emphasis remains on the mission of teaching the Bible and the word of Jesus.

“We are authentic,” he said. “We are who we are, and we don’t try to be anything else. With Millennials, it’s all about transparency, all about being real.”

Biltmore Church also has a lot of service outreach programs, including international ministries, and the church has also developed a strong outreach on Facebook and Instagram.

Michelle Myers, 33, has been attending Biltmore Church for about six years with her husband, James, 35, and their three children: Noah, 7; Cole, 4; and Shea, a 19-month-old girl. They moved from Austin, Texas, and the No. 1 one factor in attracting them to Biltmore was “the authentic worship,” Michelle Myers said.

She also loves the community feeling there, though.

Asked what the church does to make the services and other amenities comfortable to families with young children, Myers said, “I’m trying to think of what they don’t do that makes it comfortable for kids.

“My kids love their leaders, and they’re not just being babysat--they’re learning and engaging,” Myers said. “Most Sundays, they’re studying the same passage as we are, so when we come home from church we’re able to have really great spiritual discussions.”

Reaching out to younger people and interesting them in church services is probably tougher today than it’s ever been, said John Grant, pastor of Mount Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Asheville for 29 years. The historically African-American church has about 200 families who are members but only 10-15 percent of those members are younger adults.

Grant sees several factors at work in the drift away from organized religion in America.

“My observation would be first, there’s been a general secularization of our culture,” Grant said. “People don’t go to church like they did when I was coming up.”

“My summary is it’s difficult to compete with our culture,” Grant said. “Young people are being bombarded 24/7, so the challenge is to compete with the culture with limited resources.”

Young adults who go off the college also often drift away from their religious upbringing, sometimes because they’re exploring, sometimes because they had become bored, Grant said.

Numerous factors drive people away from religion, the Pew Center’s Smith said, including “generational replacement.” The older generations, including Baby Boomers, who tend to be mostly Christian and fairly devout, are aging and beginning to die off. They’re being replaced by new generations of younger people “that are simply far less religious than their parents and grandparents before them,” Smith said.

“Upwards of one-third of Millennials say they have no religion,” Smith said. “Only about four in 10 millennials say religion is ‘very important’ to them, and just four in 10 say they pray every day. Only about one quarter say they attend services at least weekly. That’s far below the older generations.”

More troubling for churches is that these trends are “very broad-based--we see them happening all across the country, through a variety of racial and ethnic groups, with men and women and through those with a variety of educational backgrounds. It’s very broad-based.”

The South, the bedrock of the Bible Belt, not surprisingly is still more religious than other parts of the country, but the trend of moving away from religion has grown here, too.

Immigration, while controversial, has actually bolstered the number of Christians in the country, Smith said, as “among immigrants to the U.S. in 2014, two-thirds were Christian.”

Brown and Annie Hobson watch on with their daughterBuy Photo

What’s driving people away from religion?

Some of what’s driving the shift is that as less religious adults have children and those children grow up, they also tend to be less religious.

Smith said their data is less specific on this, but Pew also has found that is has become more socially acceptable to not be religious, or a “none.” In 2007 and 2014, Pew asked respondents whether they would be less likely to support a presidential candidate who did not believe in God

In 2007, 61 percent said they would be less likely to support that non-believing fictional candidate. In 2014, the number fell to 53 percent.

“Being irreligious has less social stigma associated with it than it did in the past,” Smith said.

Politics also drives some of the decline. One idea among researchers is that over the past few decades religious belief “has come to be associated with--at least in the popular imagination--conservative politics, especially with moral issues like homosexuality and same-sex marriage.”

Different denominations have different approaches, but many people who do not share those conservative beliefs move away from religion.

“One part of the data that is consistent is we know religious ‘nones’ are a very politically liberal and Democratic group,” Smith said. “They vote strongly for Democrats and liberals in elections, and they’re very liberal on same-sex marriage and abortion.”

Grant, the Mount Zion pastor, said he’s often heard teens or youth complain that church can be “boring,” and he acknowledges that may be one factor in driving younger people away, especially in the media age when people have access to computers and social media all day long.

Smith maintains the drift away from religion is often just that--a slow movement away. He noted a 2008 study Pew did, asking Catholics and Protestants why they had switched religions or left a childhood faith. Answers ran the gamut and included their spiritual needs not being met, or they stopped believing in their religion’s teachings.

About a quarter said they were dissatisfied with the atmosphere at worship or with their clergy, which could indicate boredom with their church.

“But the number one answer they gave was they said they just gradually drifted away from their childhood religion,” Smith said. “It’s a gradual thing. A lot of things factor in--it could be boring, or it could be creeping doubts about the religion’s claims.”

The declining interest in religion is troubling for the religious world, but Smith points out that “even though we’re becoming less religious on a variety of ways, (America) is still a very religious place.” In fact, it’s not that there are fewer highly religious people in the U.S., rather “what’s changing is the population is growing, and that growth concentrated among people who are not particularly religious.”

And trends can be reversed.

“It’s worth remembering that just because a trend has been occurring in the recent past doesn’t mean that trend will continue indefinitely into the future,” Smith said. “Lots of things can impact trends.”

#Millennials and religion #church and millennials

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hemeltraan · 7 years

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My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix

Published in 2016 332 pages Horror, paranormal

“By the power of Phil Collins, I rebuke you!” she said. “By the power of Phil Collins, who knows that you coming back to me is against all odds, in his name I command you to leave this servant of Genesis alone.”

When I was at the bookstore, this book immediatly caught my eye. It’s designed to look like an old VHS from a movie rental place, complete with a ‘be kind, please rewind’ sticker. It’s honestly one of the most unique cover designs I’ve ever seen. Combine that with the promising blurb, and I just had to take it home. I couldn’t wait to start it, and once I finished the book I was reading at the time, I started this one. It didn’t dissapoint in the slightest.

My Best Friend’s Exorcism tells the story of demonic possession through Abby, the best friend of Gretchen, who’s being possessed. We read about the first time they met, the first time they slept over at each other’s houses, and all the other moments that define a friendship. Abby is sixteen in 1988, the year her best friend is possessed by the devil.

I loved everything about this book: the friendship between Abby and Gretchen, all the references to 80’s pop culture (the chapters bearing song titels was awesome), how Hendrix portrays living in a small town. During the first portion of the book, I actually kinda wished I hadn’t picked it up, because I just wanted Abby and Gretchen to be happy. Ofcourse, I knew that wasn’t going to happen.

There are some things I really liked about this book. The first is that the demon possessing Gretchen, Andras, is an actual demon in The Lesser Key of Solomon. I always love it when actual mythology is used in fiction, instead of just making up a demon. This was a big plus for me.

This is something that was pointed out to me by my boyfriend before I started reading this book, and so I decided to pay special attention to this while reading this book. Demons in horror movies are never actually really evil. In a lot of exorcism stories the demon is annoying, sure. I wouldn’t want to be possessed and I’d be scared out of my mind. But what do they actually do? They yell obscenities, throw stuff around, and projectile vomit. Andras, on the other hand, is truly evil. He tried to kill two people while pretending to help them, and tried to land Abby in jail. Now that’s what I want to see a demon do.

The last thing that I thought was totally awesome, was the exorcism itself. I like possession stories, but I really don’t like religion – see my problem? The demon is always exorcised by a Christian priest. So cue my surprise and excitement when Abby managed to drive the demon away with the things she truly believed in – we got the beat, Phil Collins, her first crush and the can of coke he gave her, Genesis, her friendship with Gretchen. I really, really loved it, and it made the story ten times greater for me.

This book also has a fair amount of really good humor. The Lemon Brothers Faith and Fitness Show is one of my favorite scenes. I had to laugh out loud on the bus, which doesn’t happen much. But how could I not have laughed with a gem like this? “Sometimes,” he said, “when I’m shifting steel and sweating blood and I don’t think I’m going to make the clean and jerk, or when I’m stuck on the hang and can’t get the snatch, suddenly I’ll feel lighter, like someone has taken my load. And that’s when I look up and say ‘That was you, God. Thank you! Thank you for taking my load!’”

There’s one thing that I think could’ve been done better, but it’s really only a small detail. The book starts with Abby reading in the newspaper that the exorcist died. Then, at the end of the story we get an overview of Abby’s life after the terrible summer of ’88. I would’ve liked to see that moment when she learns he’s dead to come back in the overview, because now it just felt a little weird to me.

But overall, this book blew me away. I want everyone who can stomach a horror book to read this one. It offers a spin on the classic exorcism trope. It’s also great for lovers of the eighties. On the back of the book, it has a quote from a review by Bustle, and it says “This book packs all the magic of a summer horror flick.”and to be honest, I couldn’t agree more.

#book review #books #my best friends exorcism #reading #horror #demons

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raisingsupergirl · 5 years

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Diversity Breeds Productivity

Okay. Despite the boring title, this is a super interesting blog post. Trust me. Mostly because I wasn't expecting to write it, and spontaneity is always fun. Like when you and your friends get the itch to drive five hours to Chicago in the middle of the night, and then only stay for two hours before you turn around and come home because you didn't tell your parents… Not that I ever did that in high school. But hypothetically, that's a fun story, right? It sure beats getting the idea, talking about doing it, and then just going to bed. But while not all spontaneity has to be that extreme, it pretty much always yields better results than forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do. And I was reminded of that in a big way this weekend.

Have you ever gone through an entire week making mental preparations to clean out your closet over the weekend, and then when Saturday morning came, you just… didn't? Despite all of your plans and mental pep talks, when the time came, you just didn't have the motivation. So instead, you procrastinated. You defended your politics on Facebook, posted selfies of your super-happy life on Instagram, and whined about your procrastination on Twitter. You binge-watched three seasons of The Office while you binge-ate chocolate chips (you didn't have time to actually make chocolate-chip cookies because you were going to start cleaning your closet any minute). And then the weekend was gone, and Monday came with regret and frustration. You couldn't, for the life of you, figure out why you hadn't cleaned out the dang closet.

Well, that was me yesterday (Friday). All week I'd planned to really tear into edits on a book I'm writing. I had all the reader feedback. I'd made a list. And I'd carved out time. But when I woke up Friday morning (I'm off work on Fridays)… I went and got my haircut. And then I worked out. And then I cleaned up my fish tank for a couple of hours. And then I researched a new health insurance for my family (Christian HealthShare Ministries. I'll probably blog about that in the future). And then I ordered Imo's Pizza. And then I watched Ralph Wrecks the Internet with said family. And then I watched Creed 2 with a friend. And then I went to bed.

And then I woke up this morning, ready to start edits! But I just… couldn't. Instead, I worked out, and then I showered. And in the shower, my mind started wandering. First, I was really psyched up about the LED light I have in my aquarium (it has all these color pre-sets to simulate different seasons and weather, and some fine-tuning could fix my algae problem, and… sorry. Nerd alert), and then I was really psyched up about making some YouTube videos for my magazine (GoHavok.com) and my work as a physical therapist. So much so that there was no way I could have forced myself to sit down and do effective edits on a science fiction story. My mind was just miles away from it. So I had a few options: 1) I could sit down and do some maddeningly sub-par edits on said science fiction story, 2) I could procrastinate until the muse struck and I could begin productive edits (i.e. waste the whole weekend), or I could 3) dig into the things that excited me at the moment.

So after a little deliberation, I went with option three. I started outlining YouTube videos and brainstorming what tactics usually worked on social media. Then I started researching aquarium stuff to figure out how to beat my algae problem by adjusting my LED light. Neither of these things got me a second closer to finishing my book (which is arguably the most time-sensitive thing in my life right now), but I did kick butt at them. I was productive. The outcome made me happy. And I even had time to sit down and write my blog for this week, which… wasn't anything close to what I was planning on writing.

You see, I was all ready to explain and explore life as a father of two emotional little girls. My oldest has had a week of crocodile tears and uncontrollable breakdowns. It was going to be a great blog post. But then my Muse threw a curveball. And you know the best thing about having your own blog? You get to write about whatever dang thang you want. Sure, all the professionals will tell you to "stay in your lane" if you want to develop a big following and be uber famous. Good thing that's not my goal at the moment. Sometimes my posts blow up. I get a couple thousand views and whatnot. But mostly I write for my family, my friends, and my future self. A public journal, if you will.

And this week, I was reminded of the value of diversifying my portfolio, so to speak. If a person focuses on ONE thing all the time, there will be moments or months where that thing bores them to tears, and their life will be miserable and uninspired, and their work will suffer for it. But if you find a handful of meaningful things that you love (for me, it's religion/mindful living, family, physical therapy/health, writing/editing/entertaining, and at the moment, fishkeeping), it doesn't matter what mood you're in. You will always be able to find something productive to do. And you'll enjoy it. And at the end of each year, you'll be able to point back to the things you did that mattered.

Not that binge-watching The Office doesn't matter, per se. But when I'm on my death bed, I want to depart with something more profound than, "That's what she said."

#productivity #creativity #diversity #hobbies #fish keeping #planted tanks #aquarist #christian healthshare ministries #procrastination #imo's pizza #pizza #blogging #momblr #mumblr #dadblr

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allurehq-blog · 7 years

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blood status: muggleborn clubs: astronomy club, beater for the gryffindor quidditch team, gryffindor prefect pronouns: she/her (femme agender) sexuality: panromantic sex-postive asexual

BIOGRAPHY

tw; abuse

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. If she were to pick one word that described her mother, Sabra’s automatic response would be religion. There was once a time that she hardly remembered where religion wasn’t such a major part of the Zabini household, a time that was much more laid back and relaxed. There were no crosses adorning the walls in every room of their small flat, and there was no waking up every Sunday morning to be put in uncomfortable dresses that scratched at her legs. Those days vanished as years went by and her parents fought, both becoming louder and more violent during that passage of time. She was only seven when the fight that ended it all happened, and everything was still in clear detail a decade later: the usual shouting, being told to hide under the table, barely being able to see her father pick up a lamp and chuck it toward her mother. She had heard the crash and her mother’s yelp of pain, and it was enough to drive Sabra to sneak away and call for help. She wouldn’t know until much later that her father had been put into prison for a few months, her mother filing for divorce as soon as she was able to. She never saw her father again after that night, and even now understanding all the horrible things he had done to her mother, Sabra still found herself missing him, wondering where he was and what he was up to.

The divorce was what drove her mother into the solstice of the Church. No amount of counselling had helped her come to terms with what her ex-husband had done to her, and she only managed to find healing through spirituality. Being the age she was, Sabra was dragged along into her mother’s religious realization whether she liked it or not. Each Sunday was held for mass and she was sent to a Catholic school rather than the public one she’d been attending. Her fantasy books had been replaced with Bibles and hymnals, her necklaces with rosaries. Despite her best efforts, Sabra couldn’t connect to religion like her mother and classmates had seemed to, leaving her feeling alone and friendless until she discovered her magic. It was an accident, really; she had been throwing a temper tantrum because her mother had said no to giving her cookies, and the cookie jar floated slowly from the top of the refrigerator into her hands. Her mother had stopped all she was doing and immediately brought her daughter to the priest, begging for mercy on Sabra’s soul while she sat in confusion. A professor from a school called Hogwarts came to explain what was happening, but her mother would hear nothing of it. She refused to believe her daughter had witchcraft in her and did all she could to keep her from going to the school, but Sabra went anyway. Every break her mother refused to talk about the magic and what she’d learned at school, building a wall between the two. It made Sabra hate being home, and she felt more alone when with her own mother than when she was by herself in the library before curfew.

Despite the gap pushed between herself and her mother, Sabra found herself grateful every year when she saw the Hogwarts Express pull up to Kings Cross Station. When she was at Hogwarts, she felt free from the expectations and the tense air around her at home. She was able to explore herself for who she truly was, not who her mother wanted her to be; even still, each time she discovered a part of herself that felt genuine (such as her sexuality), she became overwhelmed with a feeling of fear and guilt. The last thing she ever wanted was to upset and disappoint her mother, and each year she went back to school, she could feel that disappointment grow bigger and bigger. Sabra was sure that soon the distance between them would be the size of the Great Lake, and she’d never be able to reach the other side for her mother’s hand.

CONNECTIONS

xenophilius lovegood; the calm in the storm. sabra was raised to respect two things in the world - her mother, and the church. her mother was a devout christian, having poured every bit of herself into the church after difficult divorce from sabra’s father after the girl was born. her mother kept a bible in every room, hung crucifixes over every door, and kept sabra on an tight leash during her youth. and as sabra would spend her weekends in the stuffy warm church, surrounded by people who would either pinch her cheeks or tell her that she wasn’t sitting up straight enough - she wondered if there was a world outside of the one that her mother had built for the two of them. this, of course, showed itself in the form of the letter that came to their tiny flat when sabra was eleven, alerting her that she was a witch, and that she was invited to attend school at hogwarts. while she was excited and eager to see where this could bring her, her mother had just as soon shredded the letter and pushed the bible into her hands. magic is the way of the devil, her mother reminded her, and she would not allow the devil’s presence into her home. sabra tried to reason with her, that this was a good thing. her mother refused to budge, and so that meant sabra would be on her own. summers and holidays spent at home are full of tension, and the stress slowly began to weigh sabra. how could she keep herself happy if she was so worried about her mother? it was through a meeting of fate that she somehow found the way to find peace. xenophilius had a reputation that preceded him, often seen chatting with himself or making a scene in the midst of the courtyard after classes. however, when sabra actually spoke to they, it was nothing but calm words. it was as if they could sense the unease that laid within sabra - and so they invited her to meditate with them. the words shared between the two of them were few, but it slowly developed into a habit, something which sabra is thankful for.

daisy hookum; the thorned flower. most people don’t believe in love at first sight - and as a girl, sabra didn’t either. she never had the chance to witness a real loving relationship, unless it was something out of fiction. to her, that’s what love seemed like. fictional. a dream that she could have, but would never come true. but then she met daisy, and she realized what people must’ve been feeling when they spoke of love. daisy was calm and gentle to sabra’s rough edges. she was the sweeping lace skirts to sabra’s ripped jeans. it was effortless, and before she could even realize what was happening to her, sabra knew that this wasn’t just friendship anymore. friends didn’t look at each other in the way that she’d look at daisy. daisy was the one thing that managed to keep her holding on in this crazy thing known as life. and with one of the most genuine emotions that she’d ever felt before, sabra was happy - truly happy. their relationship was quiet, something that was for their eyes only to start out with. but time began to pass, and as they started to grow, daisy ached to be more public. wanting to show off sabra as the girl that she loved, wanting to bring her home to her family, wanting people to know that she had a girlfriend she loved with all her heart. and sabra - she wanted it all as well, but she couldn’t do it, because what if word got back to her mother. she’d already disappointed her mother so much, this would just add insult to injury. sabra would always say ‘just a little bit longer’ every time that daisy ask if this could be the day - but the day never came. daisy grew impatient, and before sabra could try to salvage their relationship, it was over. it’s almost numbing, knowing that she still has feelings for daisy, but knowing that she’s lost her. now, when the two are in the same room, the tension is palpable, as would be expected with every set of exes. it was a different sort of tension, one that left her heart beating erratically and only dissipated at the feeling of daisy’s lips against her neck. so they may not be speaking to each other, and they may not be together. at least sabra hasn’t lost her completely.

alecto carrow; the needle in the haystack. gryffindor is full of those students who have the hearts of lions, people who explore and express their courage in a variety of ways. which is why it comes as no surprise of how many gryffindors are outspoken to their beliefs of blood equailty, and how the antiquated prejudices need to be abolished. for sabra, this was something that hit particularly close to home, as she herself was of muggle blood, but demanded the same amount of respect that her fellow pureblood classmates received. her voice may not have been the loudest, and her efforts may not have been the most productive, but it was something that she was passionate about, wishing that if people could just see things in a different light, perhaps they’d understand. a familiar victim to the muggle insults, simply because she was one of the few that wasn’t afraid to stand up for themselves in the face of those berating her. it was all too easy to create a stereotype of the slytherin house because of this, as most of the time, these people were from this house. however, it was during a late night in the library that she realized perhaps it wasn’t fair to everyone in slytherin to judge them in such a way. alecto had been hidden in the shadows, alone - though that wasn’t an uncommon sight for them. rather, it made sense why they were so hidden as sabra moved closer, and saw numerous pils of muggle studies books laid out in front them. at first, her initial reaction was outrage, for this was surely just some attempt at getting closer to the muggle students to hurt them more. but as she took a step closer, she saw the order of the phoenix propaganda, and that was what took her breath. loud enough that alecto heard her of course, but sabra just smiled and turned away before saying anything. on one hand, she thinks it’s commendable for someone to finally step out against the rest, but then she can’t help but think how much more could be done if it was not in secret.

benjy fenwick; the catalyst. it’s difficult to determine just what it is that drives people to act in a certain way that they. sometimes it’ve motivation, sometimes it’s spite, sometimes it’s desire. for sabra, she can admit that it’s a sense of validation that drives her so much, as she wants to show those around her who may have doubted her that they were wrong. and perhaps that’s the biggest motivator that she could’ve had, proving to the ones who looked down upon her that they made a mistake. benjy fenwick is not a bad person, that’s easy enough to gather. she’s sure that he has good intentions and deep down underneath all his bullshit, there’s probably a good person somewhere hidden. but to her face, he’s been nothing but antagonistic. whether it’s intimidation or just plain dislike, she can’t put her finger on it, but as they’ve been in classes together since their first year off, it seems as if the dislike has only grown more. he’ll have conversations with her that are filled with backhanded compliments, or words that leave her head spinning in a way that makes her wonder if he really just said that. it was daisy that one time said to her that perhaps benjy was similar to the slytherins who had certain motivations for being the way they were. the thought had never crossed her mind, because a blood elitist in hufflepuff was almost unheard of. and though it’s not something that she can confirm or deny, what she can do is take all the frustration that comes from him getting under her skin - and be better than him. she’s off to a good start, receiving the position of prefect and watching as he didn’t, despite his boasts and bragging that he was going to be a prefect person for the job. maybe one day she’ll figure out what his problem is, but until then, she’s just fine with ignoring him.

SABRA ZABINI IS PORTRAYED BY PEPI SONUGA, AND SHE IS TAKEN BY STORM.

#madam zabini #marauders rp #hp rp #marauders era rp #harry potter rp #sabrabio #closed

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reading-while-queer · 7 years

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Our Own Private Universe, Robin Talley

Rating: No Good Genre: Realism, Coming Out, High School, Romance, Religion Representation: -Bi main character -Bi love interest -Bi supporting character -Black main character Note: Contains explicit descriptions of sex Trigger Warnings: Homophobic bullying, outing without consent

Our Own Private Universe is the story of Aki, a bi black teenager on a mission trip to Mexico with her church. She makes a deal with her friend Lori to try to have a summer fling while they are in Mexico, which is how she gets involved with Christa, a girl from another church. They hit things off, but anxieties about coming out, rumors, and white lies get in the way of their relationship. Our Own Private Universe is at its best in the second half of the story; the gang puts together a debate on several issues that will be voted on by the church at a later conference, and Talley does justice to the anxiety of public speaking and of being outed without consent in this section in particular.

However, there is a lot to say about where Our Own Private Universe went wrong as a piece of YA fiction. This review will focus particularly on lacking character development, racism, condescending attempts to be educational, and basic failure to represent bi teens in a compelling romantic relationship.

First, the primary goal of YA is to be engaging to young people. To meet that goal, typically authors choose to represent issues that are unique to young people—questions of identity, self-discovery, anxiety over school, friendships, the future, and so on. Talley’s main character Aki is questioning her bi identity, discovering what she wants in a relationship, discovering new interests, and dealing with her rocky friendship with Lori and her complicated relationship with music. In short, she checks all the boxes. Aki seems like the perfect “relatable” teenager. Only, that’s all she is. Aki reads as a formula for a YA novel, not a real person. She’s all “teen issues” with no substance. I can list everything there is to know about Aki in 50 words or less. While reading, I was constantly asking questions about her that were never answered. What does she do for fun now that she doesn’t do music anymore? Is Lori her only friend? Why is Lori her only friend? What is her relationship to her religion as a queer Christian teenager?

This last question was especially important in a novel about a high school mission trip, yet Aki seems to lack what I consider the fundamental queer Christian experience. Questions like “Does God really say this is wrong?” and “Am I going to hell?” and “How will my community react?” are never asked. The choice on Talley’s part to ignore the self-doubt, fear, and even self-hatred that are part of the queer Christian experience is frankly baffling. Talley could have told us that Aki is far enough along in her journey of self-acceptance that those questions are already asked and answered for her, but instead she makes the bizarre choice to make Aki seemingly unaware of Western Christianity’s relationship to homophobia. She marvels that anyone could oppose same sex marriage. If she had gone to an explicitly left-leaning church—Unitarian or the like—this would have made more sense, especially since Aki is sheltered, but this is clearly not true of Holy Life, as Aki doesn’t even know where her parents stand on same sex marriage. Talley’s writing lost a lot of credibility for me because of this oversight. She neglected to go below the surface in exploring what it means to be a queer Christian, and the novel suffers for it.

Surface level characterization is especially obvious when it comes to how Talley writes about Aki’s race. Talley never fully develops Aki as black. Sure, Aki notices that there is only one other black person (besides her family) on the mission trip, and she is uncomfortable when the young Juana starts styling her hair. Yet I got the feeling throughout that her character was whitewashed. She seems to have the outlook on life of the white author. For example, we don’t know how Aki feels about her best friend being white, or if she has black friends at home, or if she feels isolated in her tiny high school or not. We don’t see her talk to her dad or brother about how Mexico may or may not be different from Maryland re: racism—she doesn’t seem to worry at all about being black in a different country where she doesn’t know how she’ll be received. She never considers that Nick’s rude comments about her (but not her white girlfriend) may be misogynoir—it never crosses her mind, even when the whole camp is spreading rumors. When police brutality is brought up in conversation, Aki has no internal reaction, no dread of the discussion and what might be said. None of these points on their own are strictly necessary to make Aki “really” black, but the near total absence of black identity from how Aki defines herself and understands the world is suspicious.

Purging Aki of any uncomfortable self-awareness of race and racism for the benefit of Talley’s white readership is racist in itself, and it’s not the only racism in the story. Talley uses the minor character Sofía as a mouthpiece for the line “I wouldn’t pet any dogs in Mexico. You never know who’s got rabies,” making sure to mention in the same sentence that Sofía is “Hispanic” (so it’s okay). And the racism of the white characters is portrayed as neutral or even good. Aki begins to correct a girl who claims that black people are more homophobic than white people, but Christa interrupts her and changes the subject—which is never revisited as problematic. Aki doesn’t even seem to mind. I have to wonder if Talley even put up a fight against the whitewashed front cover, which features two white-passing girls, one with loose 3b hair (Aki’s hair is supposed to be in braids). The picture is so heavily washed out with bright yellow and purple filters that you wouldn’t know Aki is black unless you read the book.

Also problematic is the mission trip to Mexico itself, and how the white savior complex is unchallenged in the novel. While Aki isn’t white, the author is, and Talley doesn’t challenge the concept of the mission trip at all. Aki’s concern for the lacking medical care in Mudanza leads her to champion new church policy to send aid to the Global South specifically to improve health care. Talley presents this as the right call without examining the colonial history of meddling “charitably” in the Global South. For a book that takes it upon itself to be an educational resource for its readers, Our Own Private Universe fails to explore the complexity of Western “charitable” involvement in post-colonial nations and instead sanctions the mission trip formula uncritically, sending a dangerous message to the next generation.

Which brings me to the next pervasive issue in the novel: how Talley talks down to her audience. This is a common problem in YA, but it’s always disappointing to see. Every ten pages or so I would notice that Aki is denied common knowledge that any teenager would have. She has never seen a petition in real life before. She is clueless about the existence of poverty, asking “Did everyone drive all those hours to Tijuana to go to a decent doctor?” She is apparently clueless about her own body, too, describing herself as “warm between my legs” rather than acknowledging her sex organs in her internal dialogue. This buys into the double standard between YA with male versus female protagonists. Unlike teen boys, girls are written as sexually innocent and naïve, when girls in real life rarely are (and they learn from YA literature like this to see themselves as less feminine and less valuable for having that self-knowledge). It’s not a trend I like to see perpetuated.

Talley underestimates her protagonist, which is a way of talking down to teens in general, but she talks down to the reader as well. Much of the book is overtly educational. The section on safe sex, for example, disrupts the story to give the audience a lesson on dental dams. And to be perfectly honest, it just isn’t realistic that a fifteen year old having sex for the first time would look into safe sex between two people with vaginas (oops, I mean “warm legs”) without already having been educated on the necessity of protection outside of penis-in-vagina sex. The way Aki learns about safe sex by seeking out that information unprompted, and her commitment to going way out of her way, first to the internet café in town to do research, and then a campus health center to get dental dams—without really acknowledging why safe sex is necessary—just wasn’t believable. And it wasn’t an effective teaching tool either because teenagers know when they’re being taught a lesson, and, like most people, don’t like it. I understand that Talley doesn’t want to sanction unsafe sex for her readers, but readers tend to disengage from didactic, preachy stories, which is no way to convince teenagers to be safe. Talley has several such “lessons” throughout on different topics from global health care to the language of queer identity, and they all say the same thing to the audience: “Teenagers are ignorant.” And no one likes being underestimated.

As bi representation, this novel really doesn’t cut it either. It’s a lot better than some of the so-called representation I’ve seen before, but it’s clear that Talley values bisexuality as an offshoot of “WLW” not as a valid sexuality in and of itself. Aki repeatedly marvels at how kissing Christa is so much better than kissing boys. She wonders if she isn’t really a lesbian after all. Though she eventually settles on seeing herself as bi with a preference for girls, she still questions, “Will I always be this way? Or will I decide someday, you know, that I’m actually a regular lesbian or whatever?” The implication here is that bi girls will always be questioning, that there is no such thing as security in your sexuality for bi/pan people—which is classic biphobia. Lesbians are never berated from within queer communities to acknowledge that their sexuality is fluid, even though everyone has the potential to learn more about their sexuality and change their labels. The fact that bi girls aren’t allowed to have a narrative without being questioning says a lot about how bi people are misunderstood and misrepresented by the rest of the queer community.

Talley also has a surprising lack of compassion for Christa’s situation with her extremely conservative parents. Aki argues with her that she shouldn’t be afraid of being outed, which is a ridiculous point of view for the daughter of a minister to have (and part of Aki’s character development problem), and while she eventually realizes that some queer kids aren’t as lucky as she is, she still argues that Christa should work towards coming out to her parents by taking baby steps—first telling them that she secretly wants to go to culinary school, then revealing another secret, and so on. This completely baffles me coming from a queer author. It is simple fact that it is not always safe to come out to your parents—sometimes not ever. Some queer people never come out because it would put them in danger, which Christa seems to think is the case for her. Yet Talley’s novel, like many queer YA novels, treats coming out as if it’s an obligation—as if the virtue of honesty is more important than queer teen lives. One of the major themes of the novel is honesty, which, sure, is a good virtue to have—but it was maddening to see Drew telling his and Aki’s dad that he flunked a semester of college equated with Aki coming out as bi. Bizarrely, Talley doesn’t seem to understand that queer people are marginalized. There is real danger to being out. It’s not comparable to admitting that you didn’t do your homework—and the comparison is frankly insulting.

And last but not least…for a romance story, Aki and Christa completely lack chemistry. This goes back to my point about how Aki lacks development. She isn’t given the development of a real person, only a summary of one, and her and Christa’s relationship is as shallow as her character. Their attraction is physical, founded on nothing. Every so often they make out or have sex, and Aki tells the reader how attracted to Christa she is, but without any chemistry between them, we can’t understand the attraction or really feel anything about it. It’s hard to diagnose exactly what causes a lack of chemistry, but you know it when you see it. Aki and Christa are paired up by the hand of God because there is simply not enough depth to their characters to pair them up by any other means.

Were there good things about this novel? Yes. Would I recommend it to anyone, especially a young bi person? Absolutely not. As an educational tool, it does as much harm as good, and bluntly put, it doesn’t have much in the way of story or character to make up for the many failures. In short, it’s mediocre except for when it’s outright bad.

For more from Robin Talley, visit her website here.

#robin talley #our own private universe #bi #protagonist of color #realism #coming out #high school #romance #religion #no good #reviews only #ya only

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lx-5point0-blog · 7 years

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Nameless Enemy, Secrets Never Hide

ENEMY NAMELESS, SECRETS NEVER LAST. 022317 9am 5fwy south at Avery pkwy An enemy which is nameless, does not have a uniform, but vigilant, and organized, as if it were a MOB, is the most dangerous form of “predatory terrorist” you can face in battle. The ability to hide in plain sight under the cloak of a “false identity” and a DISGUISE of normal citizen with a license or a certificate empowers them to commit criminal acts without any obstacles.-John Lober I was given the DV-100 on LiLi Garcia. Made some phone calls to her phone and Marisa Garcia answered and said,”what makes you think I'm going to give YOU any information on that?” I replied,”thank you.” Proceeded to calm the remaining numbers I had written down on my list, then they began to roll over and forward to appear that I was receiving an incoming call from the previous number. It would hang up immediately upon picking up the call. These women are efficient at manipulating internet phone numbers to appear that they are legit businesses. OP ROM: ENEMY ANA L MEN DOZA aka Ana LiLia Garcia DV-100 We connected on TINDER. ANA insisted on giving oral pleasure. She became enraged and aggressive when I told her we are not a match. Stalked me to Kennesaw GA and back to Menifee and Huntington Beach, Orange County. Threatened to kill me, assaulted me and my current wife with a deadly vehicle. Follies my wife who is disabled, and is aggressive shooting pics of her and mocking her disability in a hateful manner. Disperses flyers with my pic and false lurid accusations of obscenities with minors. Fires gun on Facebook and tags my name. Her roommate threatened me and my wife as well with a baseball bat, a gun and a child-130. I have been in constant fear for my life for 7 months. But who knows, I could be mistaken about the Tinder connection. It's just safe to assume that. Attack by Ana Garcia aka LiLi Garcia Ana Mendoza SECURITY GUARD GREATFULfoundation CA.breeze.com: https://youtu.be/4nq84GijtOM Ana Garcia and her minors create a problem that was not real: https://youtu.be/9VRauLrpWmk After I was supposedly issued a misdemeanor for proximity, I was informed my TRO had not been served on Mario. He would not answer the door when I schooled the deputy on the letter the law, because he had knowledge of the TRO, he MUST enforce it and just serve him. Because Mario was hiding from Police, I came to Kepler at 1am and honked my horn. Mario appeared with a shit eating grin and the phone to his ear. It was cute in the black of night. The cops rolled in deep. I recorded the incident. Ana threw a fit and demanded I be arrested. They told her to stfu because they saw the video of her driving Reckless and Mario with a bat. Now to serve this bitch a DV. She cannot be within 100yards of Lisa's home . 022817 @9:30am Starbucks FV. Sick as fuck yesterday at noon til right now. Slept in my car at Raquetballworld world and Black Anus. An enemy which is nameless, does not have a uniform, but vigilant, and organized, as if it were a MOB, is the most dangerous form of “predatory terrorist” you can face in battle. The ability to hide in plain sight under the cloak of a “false identity” and a DISGUISE of normal citizen with a license or a certificate empowers them to commit criminal acts without any obstacles.-John Lober The Commander, Al Garza, is a vigilante, Minute-Man. Now, Evangelist. Mario and LiLie Garcia are at the last resort , and are having the minors attempt to create an confrontation. LiLie is efficient with the numerous phone lines she possesses and has the ability to roll them over and connect them in ways that convinces me that that stinky bubble butt skank slut but his observing the way my exceptionally and optimimally functioning and problem solving infrastructure, that's my Brain, dip ship, operates. She has compromised the iPhone 6 Plus. That being stated to the enemy, be prepared to know where I am stating fact or fiction from here . And sat down and took a shit. Forgetting anything that ever had to do with a little slut fuck like the cunt scycle on Kepler street. It. Ever even happened, but it did. And my digitally enhanced and visually modified memory bank, and an emotionally intelligent spirit never forgets the way you made me feel. It forgives. It forgives so easy. It just without any conscious effort always recalls how and why it was felled upon at the moment of it. And my battle planner has diagnosed the response from an action of reaction to an ability to just act. Act as if it has no idea what the fuck to do. It confuses the opponent. “He is chuckling. It's a laff? He is. It afraid, he is laffing.” Wrong. I am laughing because I have already done all of the thinking. “Snap!” Quicker than that. The energy has traveled a 45 years light speed highway in only a fracta-second of light switching on and off. So rapidly it appears to be traveling in reverse. So, epically close, that one single more coat of paint, and it would be a 99 car pile up on the 99 north to Fresno in the fog. So, Ana, LiLie, or Bend Oza. I am going to dip the penile punisher in Vaseline, and then, flour it with large grain Huntington Beach sand, just before your gushing pussy hole believes it's gonna receive it. And then I'm gonna jam it into Mario’s spinchter with Love Force. He is gonna scream like a lady. You with receive a great big box of disappoint and a jail cell without a pillow, and a salad bar serving carpet and upside down scissoring with a fat yeasting pig named,”Natasha.” Okay, enough fucking around. Al Garza is a fucking clown. It's what is NOT said tells me it all. I'm gonna send that white haired devil fuck the audio of Willie admitting to know of Pat, or at least being a characterless pos. We will see what his reaction is to the audio. The enemy knows. The enemy knows now, that Lober is a cagey mutherfucker, but, Patrick told us he is a goddamn Jellyfish. He is brainless and has survived a million years. How does he do it. Study closely you fucking butt nutt with bad roots. FYI I know you are growing it out so you can chop it then dye the dark into red.sneaky little pussy hole. The only shafting that will happen here is the elevator shaft of the cut hole like yours. With a windy odor of vastness blowing up and in through my hair of my nares. When, the subconsciousness captures the actual dynamic energy, and I have no idea how to decipher the data, it is when the silly guy begins ranting the most outrageous and obnoxiousness word smithing conjures by even a rap god. Pussy Money Weed… and, BLEED. I do not want bloodshed. I am avoiding shedding your families bloodline at all costs. Not the words I hear uttered from the stretch marked lips of a cunt, but the intent of malicious and sinister clowning of a Mexican Latina hot blooded stink Clit, I am inspired by. The collective cognitive of the “nameless” familia, is absolutely granite. You have crossed the line of no return. The fall to grace is bottomless for all who step into the fake room is cozy comfort. You have tricked yourself. He has Lie to the liar. The SHIT-EATING GRIN of getting over on the master of deception, has been dick-slapped off the wet slutty porno face of the enemy. The excited pleasure of a seven layered flavored bukkaki on the whore that you were, is not the great white face of complete and utter loss and deception. The tactics have been whittled down to using a couple of fuck-tards that so dearly need CPS involvement and real adult supervision, but nonetheless, voice disrespectful diarrhea to a warrior of bright laser death strokes, and repeating what they have heard from the parent.(Boomerang) Hold on… who is this little Popeye with his armpit in my face. He is trying to open the blinds behind me. I offer my help and he declines determined to get the string pulled. I poke him in the armpit. Looksyits your armpit bee booop! Haha we laff. He says I am Paul. I am blind. I reply, me too, Paul. Colorblind. Did you go to high school here in fountain valley? No. I am from Armenia. I retired as a government and aerospace engineer. I have three grandchildren and I have a sailboat. What is it that you do? What is your name? I reply I am Mike, and I am a writer. He replies, I read a lot. What do you write about. I replied, when people do things that are unbelievable to others, but are actually happening, I attempt to explain them so that it may help them be better. Black magic . Yes, Black OPS. Operations. Namelesss a concept that is explainable. Have you heard of Kabbalah? The difference between right and wrong Take responsibility for everything you do Subconscious thought rules us more than we think. We are all connected. Paul 8184142426 sail boat Politically correct simply means to be liar. Politics and Religion. There is absolutely no connection. Christ is a lifestyle- Christyle. I do not go to the church. Religion is a business. It's bad. Have you heard of the child abuse crimes within apostle church? No. I mean yes. Well, Paul. Everybody is up to something. He replies,”Yes.” John 9:01 it is not his fault. It is the fault of the third party. A boomerang effect. It always comes back to you. The other religions say do this, and do that, to save yourself. Christianality says believe me and I will save you. Space is expanding. Dynamic. Humans are like a universe and ever expanding. Paul says,”I must go now. For me it's time to go now. (Referring to the grandkids coming home from school. Not dying.) It was good to be talking to you. Let's keep in touch. Goodbye, Mike.” Wow. I feel like a hypocrite. So, how does Mario and Ana feel? Their hearts pump piss through opaque black rubber surgical tubing. It saturates to their children. I witnessed first hand the “Clan” at work. I really wanted to become violent. I applied discretion . Let's let these blind people babble through the name calling. Let's hear what they are saying. • I'm 17. How old are you? Yo’ Mama! • A washed up MMA fighter. • Harassing minors. Pedophile. • My minors children. • Delusion you have associates with us • I don't even live here • You are abashed up fucking bitch. Fuck you These individuals appear to very familiar with John Driver yet, I have never seen them before. Or, maybe I have. Or, they are all sitting around the YouTube and mimicking me because they all want to be me. They certainly are not concerned with a piece of trash or a karate chop to Maria's neck. They kept a dime between each other as if they were traditionally trained in this skit. They did that to not be photographed together. And, also to appear to occupy a greater amount of space. You fucking rookies are not on the realm of ability you believe you are in. You have kids and women doing the job. They are the brains or you are a coward, or vice Vera's and both. Enemies for life. By: JOHN DRIVER LUBRX brand SMASHSHATTER-obliterator Edition License Cover design by OP ROM Book design by LX-5.0 All rights reserved.© No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review. This ebook is licensed for personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy. *DISCLAIMER. Please excuse any and all spelling, and grammatical errors, vocabulary misusage, flow or redundancy, ramping or un-ramping of vocabulary, BAD WORDS, fouls language, bad words used as punctuation, or bad words that sound like obscenity unintentionally, mistaken words for FIGHTING WORDS, they are not, accusations, are only hypothetical theories based on actual experiences, and or hard copy evidence provided, and all are considered a REAL THREAT to my freedom, until evidence is discovered, or uncovered, not sure which is first, that discredits the REAL THREAT. ATTENTION CONTENT DISCLAIMER COPYRIGHT LAWS INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS OF THE CREATIVE COLLECTIVE ™LUBR X brand channel and John Driver® The views and opinions expressed in this media or video or comments on this channel are those of the artists that provided us with that f*eked up idea and we were lazy enough to accept it, we thought it was funny, but doesn't necessarily represent the beliefs of the ®LUBR X brand channel ©2016-17 Due to the social satire of this channel it may contain content that has been copyrighted, but we took extra care in f@*k in it up, so you won't notice it was poached. The owner of this channel claims no responsibility to the creative collective and its thoughts and ideas contributed to the broadcast and therefore, can not be held accountable for liable. LUBRX brand™

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