Jace knew pain. He could handle that.
No, the worst part of dying was the fear. That split second before the end when pain took a backseat, a fluttering consciousness latching onto the only thing he knew for certain.
This was the end. This was it. No more. Over. Dead. Gone. Finished.
His chest spasmed in wild aborted half-breaths, choking on bloody phlegm his body wanted desperately to expel but lodged in his ragged throat. Fingers twitched as if to form the somatic components for a spell he lacked the energy to cast. The world shifted and sputtered, fading no matter how tightly he tried to grasp it close to his chest.
For all the world it almost felt like being back in high school again, desperately willing his eyes to stay open as the teacher droned on and on about material components even though everyone in class had an arcane focus. Just as he had back then, Jace was powerless to resist as his eyelids drooped and he finally dropped down into the long rest waiting for all adventurers in the end.
Pathetic.
End of the line. So where did that leave him? Caught between divine domains, having never pledged himself to any one divinity. The astral planes, the pits of hell, or even following the innate magic in his blood back to the feywilds of his ancestry?
End. The end. It was the end of him.
Is this all you are?
Was this his legacy? A young and powerful sorcerer, the potential of the universe sparkling at his fingertips, all the world open to him.
Spent the prime of his life getting heckled by fourteen-year-olds who only cared about learning how to cast fireball.
(I can't teach it to you, he always had to explain to the new ones, with their dead eyes and dumb gaping fish mouths. More of a coach. We're just spitballing back and forth what it might Feel Like to have the option of summoning a giant sphere of fire to raze down one's enemies.)
Is this what you're dying for? A handful of self-centered, idiotic, ungrateful brats?
Beyond the veil of death, every nerve in his body dulled to utter numbness, something in Jace's chest pulsed.
For a boss who'd fuck a flaming pigeon out on the bloodrush field before he considered giving you an ounce of respect?
In the darkness of the in between, caught in the steps before final death, the air turned hot and tacky. Blond hair curled limp against his forehead, drenched in sweat, heat clawing across his skin like a furnace trying to burrow its way back home.
The sort of heat that made it hard to think, hard to move, for fear that the slightest twitch would cut through the atmosphere and sear your skin straight from the bone.
Something crimson crackled through the darkness. A feverish crescendo crawling in every direction, hateful and ferocious in every shattering shower of red.
It didn't have to be the end. Not if he didn't let it be.
Get up.
And really, what had the goddamn gall to keep him here? What universe thought he would just roll over and stay down like a good little corpse?
He just had to. Reach out. Had to. Take it.
Get the fuck up, Stardiamond.
A fistful of rubies sparked and flared in Jace's palm, before he tilted his head back and poured them down his open maw.
On the material plane, Jace Stardiamond's eyes snapped open.
Jace thought he'd known what pain was. A lifetime of arcana, adventuring, of teaching highschoolers, he'd taken his fair share of hits over the years. Not like this. Nothing like this.
Jace thought he'd known pain, and he was a goddamn fool.
This
was
agony.
Writhing on the classroom floor, his back arched into an unnatural contortion of joints and limbs. The feral thing tore from Jace's throat could hardly even be called a scream, mangled as it was with a century's worth of rage buried in the name of a paper thin mask. It bubbled from his mouth as limbs thrashed about, eyes rolling back into his head with the anguish of it all.
"There you are."
A hulking fifteen foot shadow loomed over his twitching corpse, greedy eyes simply watching as Jace's fingers began scrambling across his own chest. A spellcaster's fingers, ordinarily so nimble and precise, nails once filed to a perfect smooth arch now ragged and bloodstained as they clawed through the layers of his own scarf and shirt.
He tore and mangled the flesh underneath until fingertips hit jagged gemstone.
"I knew you had it in you, somewhere under that bone deep smarmy front you put on."
Ruby splintered across Jace's skin, crystalized in his collapsed lung, sparkled in the lining of his throat.
"Bitterness, frustration, jealousy, hatred, judgement, call it what you want, but you've always been bursting at the seams with rage. Just waiting for the right person to come along and break the seal."
Flecks of ruby crusted to Jace's lips, pulled back to bare his teeth in a rabid snarl. The giant above only chuckled, the sound of his laughter like the grinding of stone when a whole mountain collapsed inwards.
"Why?" The word barely scraped free from his raw throat, lingering in the palpable heat clogged air.
A large hand gripped Jace's chin to force his gaze upwards, the bones in his jaw straining and cracking with the force of the gesture. Yet above him, Porter just clicked his tongue as if reprimanding a misguided child.
"Because, Stardiamond, you piss me off more than I can even begin to describe." His grin was too wide, too clean, a little too sharp at the edges. "That's holy, in its own sort of way."
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An important definition of terms:
As far as I'm concerned, an assimilationist is someone who believes that queer people must assimilate in order to advance the cause of queer rights. An assimilationist creates a dress code for marches like the Mattachine Society did, fights against queer self-expression at Pride because "it holds back the movement," and believes that the only way for us to move forward is for all queers to live as cishet people do, but with little rainbow flags taped on.
An assimilationist is not "someone who wants the functions and institutions of cishet society to be available to queer people." It's someone who believes the only way to live is assimilated into cishet society, and anything else "holds us back." It's someone who wants Sylvia and Marsha to march at the back, and who prizes cishet aesthetic over practical liberation.
A liberationist is someone who believes that queer liberation is not contingent upon public performance of identity.
Let me repeat that, so we're absolutely clear: a liberationist believes that queer liberation is not contingent upon public performance of identity. ANY IDENTITY.
That means a sufficiently cishet identity and a sufficiently "respectable" identity, but it also means a sufficiently radical identity. If you actually believe in queer liberation, you don't just believe in liberation for people who look, act, and believe like you. You believe in liberation for people who genuinely want to get married, have babies by IVF and live in the suburbs as well as for people who want to live childfree on an anarchist trans commune/Llama farm.
I hear people use the term "Assimilationist" and "Assimilationist Victories" to dismiss as meaningless those victories that are insufficiently radical for their tastes, and that to me is only proof that those people are not actually liberationists in any meaningful way. In liberation, there must be room for people who actually do just want to get married and live quiet, content lives going to their kid's baseball games.
The difference between Assimilationist thought and Liberationist thought cannot be simply replacing "we need to blend in" with "we need to stick out." It cannot simply replace "we must be integrated into cishet society" with "we cannot ever integrate into cishet society and anything which permits us to do that if we so choose is insufficiently liberationist." That's the organizational equivalent of yelling YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD, and I'm fucking over it, y'all.
My liberation doesn't have to be your liberation. Your liberation doesn't have to look like mine. What matters is that we are helping each other up the mountain and making long-term plans to get to where we can, and that we recognize that every choice we make is going to leave someone behind, and we account for that and plan for that so we don't leave them behind forever.
We cannot regard gay marriage or gays in the military or instituting a nationwide right to transition or any of our future goals as an endpoint. They are only goals part of the way up the mountain.
We don't get to the top until we are all free to live as we choose without government or societal interference or sanction, and without having to perform an identity for those rights and respect. The freedom to be ourselves must include the right to "blue hair and pronouns" but it also must include the right to "your kid's school plays and a duplex in a suburb." The latter is not an assimilationist lifestyle unless you try to enforce it on everyone.
I'm so, so tired of people acting like they're radical thinkers for poo-pooing the civil rights advances that the community has achieved through literally decades of work as "assimilationist victories." That's not clever, cute, or correct. Every. Single. One. Of those victories is written in tears and sweat and blood. Every single one is wrapped in the funeral shrouds of people who died fighting for it. Every single one was achieved not by assimilationists alone, but neither by people who think the only true victories are the ones sufficiently pure in their leftist credentials.
It is extremely possible and indeed likely that if you judge queers by their aesthetic, you will miss partnering with some of the most radical people and shackle your movement to people who cloak regressive politics in radical language. I've heard some truly noxious words come out of mouths framed by snakebites, and I've known extremely radical thinkers who look like your grandma. And I gotta tell you, in those local elections which keep school boards free from Moms For Liberty? The latter are useful people for liberationists to know and have in our camp, those people who think like liberationists but look like your grandma or your auntie.
Enforcement of aesthetic as a condition of liberation is assimilationist thought. It doesn't matter if the assimilation is to pink hair and tattoos or polo shirts and khakis - enforcement of aesthetic and philosophy as a condition of liberation is assimilationist thought. It's just replacing one kind of demanded conformity with another, and when we say "none of us are free until all of us are free," that also means free to be fucking boring if we want to, full stop.
We talk a lot about how much work goes into being disabled, how much work we have to put into making appointments, and fighting bureaucracy, but this is also true of queer life. Freedom comes with ease, with being easily able to update paperwork, with being easily able to find employment and housing, with being easily able to create the family structures we want to live in. When all of us can wake up in the morning assured of security in our beds, food in our bellies, meds in our med trays as needed, and a day ahead of us filled with chosen purpose and chosen meaning, which ends with us back in the bed of our choice at the end of the day, fulfilled in purpose and secure in our homes and chosen families, then we are free, and not before.
You may notice a seeming contradiction in this, in that my liberationist philosophy has room in it for the very people who are currently annoying the fuck out of me by demanding allegiance to a leftist aesthetic over practical liberation (that is, a movement based in harm reduction and long-term strategy over adherence to leftist purity of thought).
This is not a contradiction.
It is not a bug. It is a feature. My liberationist ideals mean that people have to have the right to be wrong without their liberty hinging on being right, that's all. :)
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i was smeared on twitter! xD
This morning, I was delighted with a series of fascinating screenshots.
I'm being smeared on Twitter! By someone I don't know, who hasn't even read Lover's Spit, because I do not want to spoil aspects of my own fic.
And it didn't stop there, friends!
Obviously you can tell by the "18 Likes" there were at least 19 people outing themselves as haters. 😔
Let's be clear: if you're twiggered 👉👈 by seeing Tom Riddle bottom, block me and move on
Not because I'm out here publishing smut left and right (I'm not even a smut writer), but because there is absolutely no way you could possibly enjoy my content if you're a fixed shipper.
Is it about who tops and who bottoms? I don't know. Really, at least half of the time, I prefer top!Tom. My enjoyment of a fic is not contingent on whether one character or the other gets dicked down. Of my top favorite fanfics that I can think of offhand, Tom doesn't even bottom in any of them.
That said—I am drawn to stories where Tom Riddle is in a central role, and nobody fixated on bottom!Harry could ever possibly deliver. So yeah please go ahead and block me. ಠ_ಠ
Also, the accusation that I "want engagement" is goofy
If I was driven by engagement, the fic would be straightforwardly on the Top Tom tag, feature a lot of smut, and probably have twice as many hits.
I don't write for engagement; of the 6 fics I have published, 2 are rated G and only half of them even have ship tags at all.
And regarding Lover's Spit specifically, it would absolutely spoil the story if I went on Tumblr rambling about how they're going to fuck. I have more respect for the lovely people who read the story as it is than random potential readers who feel they cannot engage with a story on the off chance their t/b preferences aren't met after 150K of non-smut content.
Yes, fixed shipping preferences can be sexist and homophobic
If your preferences are informed by your belief that Tom Riddle is "too powerful" to ever bottom (!!!) and "submit" to Harry, you're embarrassing and regressive.
You're tacitly admitting that women—that people without penises—are fixed in a state of submission; and you're also insinuating the same of gay men who prefer to bottom.
Sex is a lot of things - not just a power exchange. Sex, as I see it, is about intimacy, vulnerability, and expressing love. That is how I write it, and why I do not want to share "spoilers" about how sex will play out in my fic.
Ultimately this slander is just the product of entitlement
Though Lover's Spit has a lovely, inspiring, and engaged bevy of readers, it is by no means a popular fic. It's a wee little niche fic.
I can see no reason why someone would bother publicly slandering me except that they're just deeply entitled and butt-hurt that I'm not complying to their whims, even though I am a teensy weensy small-time fic writer with no following whatsoever. It's so batshit.
If fixed shipping matters to you, block writers who don't tag. Simple as that.
Anything you'd like to add my dear @k3uuu?
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can you please write about rhea x reader where rhea is into women let’s pretend!! and reader is her best friend and she doesn’t know if she’s straight or bisexual because like she’s attracted to women but she can’t understand so she’s very naive and she asks rhea for help? it can be fluff and smut i really don’t care! thank you so much if you do this ❤️❤️
rhea ripley x reader
‼️this is based off on some experiences i had lol, mention of sex, sweet rhea, i need her in my life lol, slow burn? kinda long-ish i guess and smut so stay away kids‼️
new experiences
“what you mean you don’t know?” rhea asked, sitting on the couch right facing you.
“it means i don’t know!” you kept pacing around and honestly rhea couldn’t handle it anymore.
“it’s a simple question, are you attracted by women the same way you are attracted by men?” she asked, again.
“again, rhea…i don’t know…yes, i guess” you replied.
“okay, let me ask you this…does liv, becky, shayna…i don’t know, beyonce, attract you?” she asked.
“i mean…yes, they’re all attractive women, like damian and finn are handsome men but that doesn’t mean i want to be with them…you know, sexually” you said, avoiding her look.
so this is what it was about.
rhea always knew you were attracted physically both by men and women. she knew, you didn’t. but as far as she can remember you always dated men, you’ve never been with a woman before and she knew this thing was scaring you.
“what is exactly that you don’t know love?” she asked, a little more serious.
“i don’t know if - well - if i like women the same way i like men you know? everytime i see a good looking woman around i wonder what it would feel like dating her you know? like, dating a woman in general because it’s new to me…and i don’t understand, i can’t understand if what i feel is just simple attraction or something more…” you said, giving up and sitting next to her on the couch, facing her “it’s not just about being attracted by them…who wouldn’t be attracted by beyonce?” you joked, making rhea laugh too “but i don’t know if i would like something more the same way i would simply date a man…”
“have you ever tried? have you ever met a woman that your mind, said - fuck , i wanna date her and have sex with her so bad!?” she asked you.
“not really…because i don’t what i’m feeling…it’s all so confusing”
“i know, i’ve been there…and it took time for me too you know…you should start experiencing…meeting new people, meet a woman who can actually help you and have your mind cleared” she said, cringing at her own words.
rhea always had the biggest crush on you but she never said anything, until now at least. she didn’t know what you were feeling and she didn’t want to confuse you but the fact that you just confessed to her that you were “possibly” into women just made it easier for her.
“don’t you think i’m way past my age to experiment? this is something you do when you’re sixteen” you joked.
“absolutely no…i didn’t realise what i liked until i was twenty…it’s never too late love”
“okay…then how would i be able to meet women? how do you do it? gay bars? that would just make me really uncomfortable…i don’t know if…or even what i’m doing…” you asked her desperately.
“gay bars?” she laughed “what kind of shows are you watching?” you looked at her weirdly “yes, gay bars are a thing, and they’re actually very helpful if you just want to have and sex and then never see each other again…it’s not where i would start tho…maybe you can download some meeting app, you know start from there and see where it goes”
“i would love to do that rhea but the problem still remains…i don’t have experience with women! i don’t know where to start or what to do and honestly i don’t see myself opening up to them the same way i’m doing with you right now, i love talking and doing this with you because you’re not judging me and i’ve known you for years and i always knew you wouldn’t judge me for something like this but i don’t know what their intentions are…maybe i should just drop it…” you said, exhausted.
“you shouldn’t drop it…not if it’s making you feel like that, it’s okay and normal to be confused love…” she smiled at you.
“i know that but”
“no buts…you’re confused and i get it, it will take some time maybe for you to get to know you better but i promise you, in the end will be worth it” she said “plus sex with women is more pleasurable than sex with men” she joked, making you blush.
“that’s what i’m talking bout re! how am i supposed to know what it feels like if i never got the chance to experience it?” you said throwing your hands up.
she simply laughed. she didn’t expect you to over react about something like that. being curious? yes, but over reacting? she wasn’t expecting it at all.
“okay…let me ask you this simple question” she said and you nodded “have you ever kissed a girl? like in the past…a friend maybe?”
“never”
“never?”
“no rhea, never…” you said.
“not even as a joke?” she asked again.
“no…that’s probably why i’m also so confused…i told you, i never had any kind of experience…”
“would you like?” she asked.
“to what? kiss a woman?” you sarcastically replied and she nodded.
“kiss me” she smiled and your jaw dropped.
“are you sure?”
“i’m sure…you’re my best friend” how painful it was for her to say that “and since you’ve spent the last hour complaining how you never got to experience that, let me help you”
“won’t this ruin our friendship?” you asked a little worried.
“why would it ruin our friendship? it’s just a kiss…it doesn’t mean anything right?” she said and you nodded.
it means everything to me - she screamed internally.
“okay, you’re right…” you smiled at her as she moved closer to you. her hand gently caressing your cheek making you shiver “don’t be scared” she encouraged you “it’s like you’re kissing a man”
“but it’s not” you whispered “you’re not a man…”
“oh really?” she smirked, making you laugh “hey…if you want to stop or if i’m making you uncomfortable please let me know…it’s the last thing i wanna do” she said and you nodded.
it’s not like she wanted to take advantage of you or the situation - maybe a little - but you’ve been driving her crazy for the past years and now she saw a little hope to have a future with you. she knew she had to play her cards very well otherwise she would fuck up everything and the last thing she wanted to do was to scare you away.
“come closer…” she whispered “it’s okay love” you did as she told and moved closer to her. you were now face to face and having her so close was making you feel things…
“it’s just a kiss” she whispered softly and before you could say something back she laid her lips on yours. it took you a few seconds to reciprocate but you couldn’t deny how good you were feeling. when she felt how positively you were reacting, she deepened the kiss, teasing your lips with her tongue, asking for permission. you definitely didn’t back up. you let her do it, smiling into the kiss. her hands went behind your back, making you come closer to her body while your hands went back into her hair, softly massaging her scalp, making her whimper into your mouth.
you broke the kiss just to catch your breath and in that moment you realised in what kind of weird position you got yourself into.
if it was just a kiss why were you now straddling her lap?
“so?” she asked you, breathing.
“it was good” you smiled.
“yeah? you liked that?”
“yes but…”
“but?”
“i need something” she didn’t even let you finish.
“more?” she smiled.
“more” you nodded.
“do you trust me y/n?” she asked you, making sure you were comfortable.
“i do”
“good…lay on the couch for me beautiful” she said and you did as she told you.
“rhea?”
“mh?”
“are you sure this isn’t going to ruin our friendship? i care too much about you and i don’t want anything to change between us…” you said timidly.
“i promise you, this isn’t changing anything, i’m giving you the experiences you wanted to experience” she smirked and she smiled at you “but if at any point you want me to stop, you need to tell me okay? i don’t want to make you uncomfortable love” you nodded at her words.
she kissed you again, softly, biting your lips and sucking on them, making you shiver. it’s not the first time you’ve been kissed, but it was so different with her that you liked it even more.
“what do you usually like when you’re with men?” she asked softly.
“i-uhm…i don’t - i don’t know…”
“girl” she joked “i need more than that” making you laugh “what do you usually like when you’re having sex with men? there must be something you like the most…”
“i mean…we just have sex…” and in that moment rhea realised how important talking about this was. by the answers you gave her, she understood how you’ve never had this kind of conversations with your previous partners, making her wonder if they even knew what you liked or not. a part of her hated how careless your partners had been with you, they didn’t even take time to learn your body and that was making her mad.
“how does it feel when they first penetrate you?” she asked, your eyes opening to watch her.
“i mean…good? what kind of question is this” you slightly laughed.
“does it hurt? how is your body responding to that?”
“it hurts…but just for a moment, i think it’s normal tho…” you said, not sure of anything.
“yeah, if you’re a virgin…i’m not saying this to make you feel bad but your exes were pretty bad in bed, did they at least took time in getting you wet enough for them?” she couldn’t believe of what she was hearing.
“if they wanted -…”
“if they wanted? i’m so happy you’re single at the moment, please, stay single for a while” she joked again making you chuckle “forget about everything you know…i’m showing you how good sex can actually be” she said and you nodded.
she continued kissing you, not rushing anything. she wanted to take her time with you, making you feel good, showing you how sex was supposed to be. bonus point that you were her crush and she actually wanted to make you her priority.
she slowly began kissing your neck, leaving soft marks and bites. she was observing the way your body was reacting to her, watching if she was making you uncomfortable but when she saw no sign of hesitation, she continued.
“can i remove your top beautiful?” she asked gently and you nodded. she saw you in just your lingerie before but this was a completely different situation. her eyes fell open when she saw the black lacy bra that you were wearing. it was made for you.
she began kissing your breast, leaving marks and bites, making your whole body shiver.
“is it okay if i remove it?” she asked.
“yes” you barely whispered. lucky she was so close to you otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to hear you.
she let your bra fall onto the floor as she slowly teased your nipples, making them hard. she loved the effect she was having on you.
you, on the other hand, were more than confused. you loved everything that she was doing to you, but you realised that maybe you were loving it because it was her who was doing it with you. you always thought she was a beautiful woman but nothing more than that. you’ve never even thought about what it would have been like dating her and having a life with her.
your core pooled at just the idea of what rhea had in mind for you, and, smart as she was, she sensed it.
her soft lips touching and sucking on your nipples, making you moan in pleasure. her tongue traced your soft stomach, prepping it in kisses, making you feel loved.
her hands went to unbutton your pants, tracing them down and discarding them somewhere on the floor.
“rhea?” you softly called her.
“yes?”
“what-what…uhm…how do women do this?” she swore she tried her best not to laugh, not at you but she thought you looked cute when you were curious and, in some ways, innocent “don’t laugh” you scolded her.
“i’m sorry love…see, we have different ways of doing it, i can show you some…” she placed a gentle kiss over your thigh and you nodded.
her hands slowly moved your panties down, her face shocked when she saw how wet you were, and she barely touched you yet. she kept kissing your thighs but you stopped her the moment she was about to kiss your pussy.
“rhea?”
“mh?”
“what…what are you doing?” you whispered. everything was kinda new to you.
“what you mean?” she asked confused.
“i mean…is it normal? like, you know, what you’re about to do…no one ever done it so…i was just wondering” you confessed.
she was shocked.
no one’s ever went down on you and this was making everything even more exciting for her cause she had the opportunity to show you everything new.
“it’s more than normal baby” she reassured you “and i’m so mad that no one ever done this to you…if you were my girl i would spend hours buried in this sweet pussy” she said before gently kissing your clit, making you shiver.
she kept teasing you until you begged her for something more. and she listened to you begging as it was a preyer. she started sucking and licking at your clit, making you arch your back.
silently you were cursing your ex boyfriend for never doing this to you but in some way, you were actually happy that rhea was doing it to you instead.
your moans were filling the room. rhea’s experienced tongue continued the work while her eyes were switching from being close to watch your face.
to her, you were the most beautiful person in the world. especially in that moment.
mouth open, eyes closed, your hands grabbing and holding tightly the pillows on her couch, your legs beginning to shake.
it was pure bliss for you but it was pure bliss for rhea too.
“rhea…i-i think” you couldn’t even speak properly “i’m -…”
“i know princess…i can feel it, just let it go” she whispered against your pussy, making you come right there.
“oh fuck…” you moaned, your legs tightening around her head as you were shaking.
rhea helped you recoveries from your orgasm but didn’t stop there as one of her finger teased your entrance.
before you could say anything she silenced you with a kiss “you taste so sweet baby, you’re like a drug to me…taste yourself on me” and you did as she said. you could taste it on her tongue and it was making you trembling all over again.
“give me another one…” she whispered this time against your neck. her middle finger entering you in a swift move. gently thrusting in and out, her thumb circling your swollen clit. her free hand went to the back of your head, moving you closer to her face, she was making you watch her.
she needed so see how good she was making you feel.
“open your eyes love” she teased “look at me” and so you did.
it was hard keeping your eyes open, specially when she added a second finger inside of you.
“rhea…oh fuck”
“that good uh?” she smirked.
how she wished she could have you naked on her couch every single day.
“please…”
“please what love?”
you don’t know what you were begging her for, you just loved the way she was making you feel and even if it was a little too much, you couldn’t help but ask for more.
“don’t stop…please”
“i don’t plan on doing so…” she smirked keeping her eyes on you. staring at her was making you wetter and you felt you were about to come any second.
“rhea…” you moaned.
your mouth fell open and the your head touching the pillows beneath you. it was a silent scream, your breath sucking it and your eyes squeezing so hard. rhea thought for a moment that she broke you.
she was watching carefully how your body was reacting to the aftermath of your second orgasm. you were shaking and your breath still uneven.
when you opened your eyes again you saw her right in front of you.
“you okay there?”
“more than okay…” you whispered, still catching your breath.
“so…this is just a few ways of how we enjoy sex” she cracked a joke making you laugh.
“there more?”
“many” she whispered against your lips, kissing you softly “but i think it’s enough for today…”
“wait-…”
“is everything okay?” she asked a little worried.
“you didn’t…how can i…?”
she stopped you before you could continue “it’s not about me today, it’s about you. hopefully i’ve helped you a little more with your sexuality, or maybe i’ve confused you a little more…and if you want to learn more on how to please a woman i’ll be happy to help you out” she winked at you “but for today i think it’s enough…you’ve been so good to me, and i thank you so much for trusting me with this”
you took a few minutes to realise just how much care rhea was putting into this. it wasn’t just her helping you out with your sexuality, you realised there was something more. some unspoken words between the two of you. the way she was treating you, with such care and almost…love.
a tear fell from your eyes and rhea noticed too.
“hey…is everything okay?” she worried, thinking that maybe she overstepped too much and made you uneasy.
“yes…” you quickly wiped your tear as you slowly covered yourself with a blanket “it’s just…it’s more than okay…rhea, i can’t help you enough for this”
“you don’t have to-…”
“i have to…because for the first time in my life i’ve felt like someone really cared about me and i loved it…and i know i shouldn’t say this to you because you are my best friend and there’s nothing between us but you really made me feel loved…and i liked it” and in that moment you understood, it was rhea.
it has always been rhea.
the reason you were so comfortable around her, it came naturally. the way she always treated you, making you feel special, in some of her ways. it was her that you wanted, not any woman, but her.
you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself. maybe because you feared her rejection, or maybe because you feared your own rejection of liking women. but it didn’t matter anymore, not when you were feeling like that.
“i really care about you y/n…way more than just a friend” she confessed.
“what?”
“it shocked me that you didn’t realise it before. i’ve never dated other women because the only one i wanted was you” she said, timidly.
“but you’ve been with other women before…”
“nothing lasted tho” she said “not when those women weren’t you…”
“you mean that?”
“i mean everything i said. everything ive done with you tonight…it wasn’t just for a night…i’m here to help you to get to know yourself better, to teach you if you want to learn, i will always be here for you love…we don’t have to rush anything, we can take it slow and see how things go…if you want me” you’ve never seen rhea so vulnerable before and seeing this side of her was making you realise that you didn’t fully know her.
but god how you liked her. how you liked this new side of her, how you liked the protective side of her when you two went out, how she knew how to treat you.
“yes…yes i want this rhea…just…it’s all new for me, can we take things slow?” you hesitated asking her this. she said it wasn’t a problem but you’ve never met someone who was willing to take time in get to fully know you.
“love…come here” she hugged you “i promise you i will be patient with you…i want this new experience to be enjoyable for you, i don’t want to pressure you or anything…i promise you” she kissed you, softly. her hand caressing your cheek.
“okay…” you whispered.
“okay” she smiled against your lips.
maybe, for the first time in your life, you found someone who was really interested in getting to know you better, and you couldn’t believe that the person you were talking about was rhea.
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what meaningful plenaration does "sane" add to "safe sane and consensual"? safe and consensual are both pretty intuitive as to what is and isn't and why they're important, but what is the aspect of this nebulous hypothetical insane sex (this would work better as a phrase if insane sex wasn't already a thing people said about good sex. much to think about) which is uniquely best to avoid but not already covered by safe or consensual?
i've been thinking about that one thing i saw a while ago about reevaluating ssc in the face of increased awareness of like, mad liberation and the ways that mentally disabled people are barred from sexual agency by ableism & the psych system and i genuinely can't come up with a reason why sane was in there in the first place
great question! let's talk about it!
but first: hey. what on earth does plenaration mean. I absolutely understand the question that you're asking but I don't know that word (unusual for me, if I may flex a little!) and google is giving me NOTHING.
anyway, moving on!
SSC was initially popularized by in 1983 by the New York group Gay Male S/M [Sadism/Masochism] Activists, and particularly activist David Stein. let's take a look at their full statement:
GMSMA is a not-for-profit organization of gay males in the New York City area who are seriously interested in safe, sane, and consensual S/M. Our purpose is to help create a more supportive S/M community for gay males, whether they desire a total lifestyle or an occasional adventure, whether they are just coming out into S/M or are long experienced.
Our regular meetings and other activities attempt to build a sense of community by exploring common feelings and concerns. We aim to raise awareness about issues of safety and responsibility, to recover elements of our tradition, and to disseminate the best available medical and technical information about S/M practices. We seek to establish a recognized political presence in the wider gay community in order to combat the prevailing stereotypes and misconceptions about S/M while working with others for the common goals of gay liberation. (x)
GMSMA was founded three years prior in 1981, which is only important because that was also the year the first AIDS patients were identified. I don't know if you're familiar with a little thing called The AIDS Crisis, but suffice to say that during the 80s the public perception of gay male sexuality Was Not Good, particularly something double deviant like sex that was gay and also kinky. in a later essay reflecting on (and criticizing!) the mainstreaming of the term, Stein said he wanted to SSC framework to distinguish mutually consensual sadomasochism from "the criminally abusive or neurotically self-destructive behaviour popularly associated with the term 'sadomasochism'."
in other words: while I can't tell you everything that lay in the heart of David Stein when he first used the phrase, it's very clear that the GMSMA seemed invested in improving the public image of kink by separating it as much as possible from the notion that it was something only practiced by crazed degenerates - you know, something queer people have been forced to do for pretty much all queer sex throughout history? in the same 2000 essay linked above, Stein reflects on how many people took SSC as "a welcome validation for a type of sexuality still considered "sick" or "crazy" by much of our society."
is there still ableism baked into that narrative re: the notion that mental illness is a bad thing to be affiliated with? yeah, absolutely, and we'll get to that! spoilers: it's been a source of much criticism, which is why many people now prefer RACK over SSC. but give me a second to get there!
in the essay I've been pulling from, Stein freely admits that GMSMA never attempted to offer concrete definitions of SSC, particularly not the latter two: "We left "sane" and "consensual" much vaguer, "sane" because it's pretty vague to begin with once you get past the obvious meaning - able to distinguish fantasy from reality - and "consensual" because we didn't realize how tricky it is."
the idea of "sane" meaning a person is meaningfully able to distinguish fantasy from reality was echoed by Gil Kessler, a longtime kink educator and board member of GMSMA. rope enthusiast Tammad Rimilia defined it differently, saying that sane kink referred to a situation where "all parties are engaging in this activity by direct intention and can judge the effects of their actions." you can see that echoed in Stein's earlier statement about differentiating the kind of sex that GMSMA encouraged from "self-destructive behavior."
tl;dr, the "sane" is mostly there to specifically draw attention to the fact that some people engage in sex in ways that may be a form of self-harm and/or may want to engage in sex when they are experiencing reality in a way that prevents them from making rational, fully-informed choices, such as psychosis or manic episodes. per their own statement, it seems the GMSMA would discourage having sex with people in this category.
obviously that may already fall under the purview of safe and consensual, but show me an organization that's never gotten a little redundant in its mission statement and I'll eat my shirt.
now, back to that criticism! as Stein notes in the essay I've referenced heavily in this answer, understandings of safety, sanity, and consent have come a long way since 1983! the risk-aware consensual kink model (RACK) has gained popularity for many reasons, with much of the conversation centered on both the inherent ableism of SSC and concerns about the promise of "safe" and the unhelpful and unrealistic expectations it may set. hell, even notions of consent are constantly growing and evolving. and that's wonderful! SSC comes from a very specific time and place in the history of kink and may no longer be the pinnacle of best practices for everyone, but there's still plenty to be learned from its origins.
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Tell me: Is He Gay or In a Sherwani?
Imposition of western norms in fandom analysis of Asian characters
With the rising popularity of Indian cinema sparked by the recent success of RRR on international platforms as well as the easy availability of multiple streaming services, in addition to the appearance of South Asian characters in prominent roles in western, particularly US media, I've begun to see some concerning 'analysis' posts online. So I thought I'd address something I found common in most of these takes.
Guys, characterizing your blorbos as queer is great and all, love it, but you're making a fundamental mistake by making their clothing choices the foundation for your queer headcanons, especially when it comes to male characters. Do not apply existing western cultural ideas regarding male clothing onto South Asian characters and their dressing please.
The vast majority of the clothes being used by people in various online spaces as 'evidence' of a character being queer(gay or bi mostly) are just normal Indian clothing for men, like daily wear. A top being pink or a character's wardrobe being mostly pastel means absolutely nothing...cos Indian clothing tends to be colourful in general and the tendency to ascribe colours masculine and feminine qualities is considerably less in the subcontinent. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but generally not a concern.
There's also this pervasive idea that colourful clothing = flamboyance = queer and that itself is something many people have already pointed as a deeply flawed way of thinking and a stereotype. Furthermore, even if you do lean into the archetype of queer men being flamboyant, subscribing to the 'stereotypes exist for a reason don't they?' school of thought perhaps, there's also the fact that ideas of what is considered flamboyant change dramatically across different cultures. What is 'flamboyant' for someone might just be normal for others. Like maybe pink or purple or yellow might be considered too much, unmanly, emasculating etc in the US or something but they're just perfectly normal colours for men to wear in many, many cultures.
It's the 'Is he Gay or European?' principle. Did you characterize this Indian character (or any South Asian character really) as queer because of their canonical behaviour and portrayal, or did you just see their clothing and decide they're queer because being well groomed and having a colourful wardrobe is a character trait you exclusively ascribe to being queer?
Like guys, I like Chaipunk like the rest of you, but if you consider Pavitr queer just because his costume is a lot fancier than the others' (An actual take I've seen multiple times) without taking into account his cultural background....¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Let me make this clear, I don't think people need a ten page analysis to imagine their fave as queer. Headcanoning a character as queer can have any reason ranging from 'I said so and so it is' to 'this is my light character analysis that makes a masters thesis look shabby' and they're all valid and an integral part of the fandom experience. What I am annoyed at are these so-called 'well-researched' theories that did not make the slightest effort to look into South Asian culture and simply transposed their western bias onto Indian media and confidently make flat out wrong judgements and mislead other people. Clothing based sexual identity determinism is the least of it. That I can at least understand through the lens of a habitual process built through years of analyzing crumbs of queer representation available only through queer coded characters and symbolism such as clothing choices being the only way to see an aspect of yourself portrayed in an aggressively heteronormative media ecosystem. I do that too, because media is tragically heteronormative everywhere. But the rest? Its just straight up misinformation and misrepresentation touted as truth.
Its the same with relationships between men. There are plenty of cultures where skinship between men is not unusual and dynamics and nuances tend to be vastly different from western representations of male friendships. In xianxia and wuxia fandoms you can see this same problem in a different font when outsiders, most often the western side of the fandom, try to apply their own standards and morals onto the original work and try to interpret it through a lens it was never supposed to be interpreted through in the first place, except maybe for comparative analysis. This practice itself isn't a major problem, its natural for people to apply what is familiar to them to try and understand something new. But when this is also accompanied by them foisting their personal interpretation and analysis as the 'correct' one and trying to impose it on the fandom as a whole, it escalates into a powder keg situation as you can imagine.
Again, not saying that western parts of fandoms are the root of all evil or anything like that, gods know how toxic netizens can be. But in this specific situation, where people try to impose western ideals on to non-western content and assumes the universalism of their own principles and value systems? Indeed an issue to be addressed.
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Say Cheese || Robin Buckley
Summary : After Max is saved and everyone decides to pile up in Nancy’s basement, Robin and reader volunteer to stay awake to make sure Max is okay, which leads to personal questions being asked, and maybe some cuddling…
Pairing: Robin Buckley x Harrington!reader
Requested: Nope
Warnings: season 4 spoilers, mentions of homophobia, Steve being an awesome brother, and fluff
Notes: Requests are open!! Please tell me what you guys wanna see next!
Masterlist
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The past day had been nothing short of insane. You, Nancy, and Robin had traveled to visit a very disturbed Victor Creel, which almost caused you guys to get arrested. All while this was happening, Max was fighting for her life against Vecna. Thankfully the trip to see Victor wasn't completely pointless as somehow you guys had figured out music was the key to getting through to the people who were being cursed by vecna. With basically minutes to spare, Max had pulled through leaving everyone on edge which is how you all ended up in the Wheeler's basement.
You were currently taking your turn in the shower as the rest of the kids were spread out in the basement engaged in their own conversions.
Nancy was lost in thought, The three younger kids were all sitting on the couch still reeling from Max's almost death, and then there was Steve and Robin, engrossed in a very important conversation…
“You are so into my sister!” Despite the craziness of the day, Steve and Robin had still managed to drift the conversation back to their very sad love lives, which unfortunately for Robin now involved Steve's younger sister.
“Shhh! Are you crazy! I am not into your sister Steve and for the love of god PLEASE talk a little quieter!” Robin was whisper yelling, eyes wide with concern for who may have heard him, especially since it was possible for you to come back from your shower any minute.
Steve only seemed amused at her little outburst and continued, “Oh come on Robin! You tell me everything! Don’t think I noticed exactly why you volunteered to go see Victor. You jumped on that ship as soon as you knew Y/N was going.” Steve argued, looking at Robin for any indication that he was on the right track.
Was Steve right? Absolutely.
Did Robin want him to know that? Absolutely not.
So she came up with the best thing possible to get him off the topic, “I could say the same thing about you basically throwing yourself all over Nancy trying to be her protector and shit.” She thought it was a clever enough way to fluster him, but oh how she was wrong.
“So what I'm hearing is that you're not denying having a thing for Y/N?” Steve simply smirked knowing that Robin was most certainly about to crack.
“Okay fine! I have a thing for your sister! Are you happy now Steve, because it really doesn't even matter because it's NEVER gonna happen.” Robin was now the one raising her voice, luckily everyone was too caught up in their own things to really notice the conversation that was happening.
Although Steve was glad Robin finally let it out, he also knew that this was a difficult situation for her. He couldn't imagine being in her shoes and having to be scared of how people would react to her true self.
“I think you should go for it. I mean Y/N hasn't been interested in any boy that she has been out with! That's gotta be a sign! It's now or never Robin. You guys deserve love.” Ever since meeting Robin it had almost become clear to him that maybe you weren't into boys. He noticed the uncomfortableness on your face when your parents talked of you getting married to a nice young man and the utter disgust you held when your parents talked of people who liked the same gender, He could also almost swear he could hear you silently crying sometimes after a particularly grueling conversation with your parents about how being gay was a disgrace. Steve wanted nothing more than to comfort you, but he knew that if and when you were ready to talk about it you would come to him.
“Steve, what happens if your sister isn't into girls huh? What if she tells someone that I asked her out and your parents find out. They will make sure I'm chased out of Hawkins with pitchforks..pitchforks Steve!” She ranted, letting out a sign as it came to an end.
Steve was determined to make Robin see what was right in front of her face, “Robin you know Y/N isn't like that. She already knows you don't like guys and she doesn't see you any different. Plus even if she isn't into girls, you know she would never just go and run and tell people that sort of thing.” He was serious at this point because surely if robin liked you as much as it seemed she did then she would know you wouldn't just out her to everyone.
“Of course I know that she wouldn't do that. She is literally perfect.” Robin's head fell into her hands, letting out a small groan of frustration.
“Who's perfect?” You startled both Robin and your brother as you now stood in front of them.
The look on Steve and Robin's faces immediately let you know you definitely heard something that you weren't supposed to, though you couldn't help but be curious.
“U-Uhm, i-its.” Robin fumbled over her words, “Heidi! Heidi is perfect! Robin was just agreeing with me.” Steve attempted to recover the conversation with a nervous smile.
Of course you knew he was lying, but you didn't exactly have the energy to push further, “Oh okay then.” You smiled slightly while sitting down next to robin on the couch letting your muscles relax. You were certain there was nothing better than relaxing after you've had a hot shower.
Though in trying to relax the awkward silence that now enveloped the three of you was making you slightly uncomfortable, “You guys are never this quiet.”
Steve looks to a hopeless Robin then back to you, “I think this Vecna creep has gotten the best of all of us right now.” What he was saying was mostly true, though he was really just using it as an excuse to get away from why it was currently so quiet.
“Tell me about it.” You signed while sitting up a bit, “I can take the first shift making sure max is okay.” You volunteered knowing someone would need to make sure she was okay and considering you three were the only ones still wide awake the choice was obvious.
“I'll stay up too.” Robin said eagerly, earning a look from Steve, “Y-you know to keep you awake.” She reasoned.
You didn't think much of it, but you were pretty fond of the idea of being able to stay up and talk to robin, just you and her.
“Good enough for me! You guys take the couch, there is a pillow and a blanket on the floor over there calling my name.” Steve jumped off the couch and made his way to the spot on the floor that just so happened to be right next to nancy.
You simply rolled your eyes with a knowing glance, “Goodnight Steve.” You shook your head.
You and Robin had mostly stood in silence while you guys gathered blankets and pillows for the couch. A weird feeling in your stomach had set in knowing you were going to be sleeping so close to Robin all night. You weren't exactly sure what the feeling was, but you didn't dislike it.
“W-would you rather me sleep on the floor?” Robin questioned as she silently hoped you would reject the idea of sleeping separately. And like she had hoped your response was quick, “What no! I- uhm- I don't mind you sleeping on the couch with me.” You were now the one nervously fumbling over your words.
Robin simply let out a gentle okay as you both attempted to get comfortable on the couch. You had settled for sitting facing each other for now. Her on one end and you on the other.
It was clear now that everyone had fallen asleep except for the two girls, and knowing this you spoke quietly, “Robin c-can I ask you something kind of personnel.” Your voice was soft.
Robin's heart sped up a bit. She wasn't sure what exactly you were going to ask, but she didn't really mind sharing personal things with you, “Go for it.”
You took a deep breath before drifting your eyes down to your fidgeting hands, not wanting to make eye contact with robin, “H-How did you know you liked girls?”
The question clearly took Robin off guard because when you looked up at her, her eyes looked wild and a warm heat had spread to the apple of her cheeks. You were about to tell her never mind and to forget you ever asked, but Robin spoke first, “I guess I just kind of knew. I mean you heard the Tammy Thompson story. I just never had any interest in boys. I didn't really know what that meant till I got to high school and figured out that it was even possible for a girl to like another girl. There was always this weird feeling in my stomach when I was around pretty girls and especially Tammy Thompson,” She laughed slightly before continuing, “But the whole Tammy Thomson thing obviously didn't work out.”
You really let the words sink into you. The familiar feeling that robin had described when she was around pretty girls is exactly how you felt right now, and to be honest, any other time you were around her you felt it.
“I think maybe I'm into girls. It just doesn't feel right when I'm with a guy, it feels wrong.” It felt nice to get that off your chest.
Robin was sure her own heart was about to completely stop beating. You actually liked girls, which meant there was now a slightly higher chance that Robin could finally indulge in the love she so desperately desired to have with you.
“It's the best feeling in the world when you actually get to be with someone and it feels right. I-I haven't dated a girl yet, but there is someone that I'm fairly sure I'm in love with, and when I'm with her everything in my body just feels good. MY head always spins and those damn butterflies never wanna go away. The hardest thing I guess is knowing that she is just out of reach.” Robin couldn't help but be emotional. It felt odd talking about you, to you without you even knowing but in a way it felt liberating.
You on the other hand basically felt the air leave your lungs. The way Robin was talking about this mystery girl was exactly what you felt for her and well it was now or never…
“Robin.”
“Yeah?”
“This feels right.” You waited for a reaction to happen on her face, but it wasn't a couple seconds later that robin's hands found the sides of your face and she was pulling you in for a kiss. YOu nervously obliged, connecting her lips to yours, moving them perfectly in sync.
This felt so fucking right.
You both pulled away after a few moments knowing any of the kids could wake up and see the both of you making out on the couch. Not because you were worried about their reaction but now didn't really feel like the most appropriate time to announce to everyone that you and robin had a thing for each other.
“Holy shit,” Robin breathed out, still inches from your face.
“Yeah holy shit,” You giggled, pulling her down completely to your side of the couch.
You didn't share very many more words knowing that you guys would figure out the relationship stuff later, but right now you both just wanted to be with each other.
Robin laid on her back while you laid right beside her, resting your head right below her chin, while your hands found each other and connected. It wasn't long before their shift was up and they were both falling soundly asleep wrapped perfectly into each other's arms.
It had been what felt like the most peaceful sleep for the both of them, not even caring who saw them cuddled up on the couch, however, both of your blissful peace was interrupted in the morning when none other than your brother was snickering above you both with a camera in his hand.
“Say cheese!”
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Sous chef : Sam Winchester x reader cook AU (part 1)
sous chef fr): works directly under the head chef
Request: Sammy has his own restaurant, he is a Chef, he works in the administration almost always and usually cooks once a week at the place, he falls in love with the reader. Age gap but everything legal, he cooks for her, she falls in love with his food! and the excellent sex with him (played with it a bit, hope you'll like it anon :)
***
Before we start this story we have to make one thing clear.
Y/N was not a silly teenage rom-com heroine.
Did she watch them? Yes. Did she read them? Yes, absolutely.
But only for the funsies.
It was not like the “To all the boys I’ve ever loved” plotline.
Not like she was only living the fantasy inside her head, too scared to act on her own feelings.
It was not – god forbid – like the After plotline and Y/N was not the good girl focused only on her school stuff not wanting to have anything to do with the bad boys and boys at all.
No way in hell.
She had her own amount of love drama and with the slightly wild character she was more than ready for a new chapter in her life.
College.
Parties, boys, skipping classes and making out in the toilets, sneaking under the professors’ nose.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk reality.
She was a nice girl. A kind spirit. A dreamer.
With a vision, sharp tongue and good priorities.
Not a pushover but also not the most popular. Not the sharpest crayon in the box, but street smart. If you asked Y/N Y/L/N how she classified herself she would probably answer in the middle. She could get lost inside her own head trying way too hard to figure things out instead of just letting it unravel and go with a flow. Dead set on putting some sort of label on herself to find out where she belongs. Which was still bound to happen.
She has just moved to the new city to college and what was better way to get acquainted with the surroundings and fellow students than –
- having a little trip? (I’m pretty sure you thought party, huh?)
In her defence – she tried partying, but seeing her college friends drunk dancing and throwing up because they actually wanted to let loose and have a big opening of the year was a bit too much. Therefore, she grabbed her girls, completely ignored their whining about ruining the mood and baptized as Y/N, the destroyer, dragged them out into the city.
That’s how they found this little nice restaurant in the suburbs. Nothing too fancy nor too expensive for a students’ budget but good enough for a group of young adult women who just started living (almost) on their own.
It was nice to have a ladies’ night. At least until the door to the restaurant opened and a representative of the opposite sex entered causing all the females to raise their gazes. A little rascal definitely noticed the sudden commotion in the henhouse cause he shot them a teasing gaze and winked in a flirtatious manner before heading towards the counter smiling widely at the other man standing there.
“Is he gay?” Y/N asked, barely holding back a chuckle, while observing the whole scene
“Who?”
“That guy who just entered!”
“What?” her friends laughed collectively “Dean Winchester being gay? Damn Y/N. He had more girls in his bed in last two months than any of us will have in our whole life!”
“Are you a lesbian then, f/n?”
“What?”
“You said he had more girls than any of us-“
“oh shut it! Slip of the tongue, you know what I mean!”
“so not gay?”
“definitely.”
“who’s the other one then?” Y/N took a sip of her drink pointing out behind her back.
“He?”
“yes he! Do you see any other good looking guys around?”
“That’s Sam.” f/n replied and went quiet teasing Y/N on absolute purpose.
“Care to elaborate or are you too busy foaming at the mouth while checking out that Dean guy?”
“Can you blame me? Damn, have you seen his-?”
“f/n!”
“face! Have you seen his face?” Y/N rolled her eyes in frustration. “they are brothers. Obviously. Sam’s a chef and Dean ... well, I am not sure what he does for a living but I’m all up for the bad boy style and attitude.”
“dare I ask?”
“you better not. I see that little blush on your face so enjoy your little teenage rom-com moment.” f/n laughed sipping her drink though the straw purposefully making it loud to get the man’s attention and be the eyecatcher on Y/N’s behalf.
“stop it!” Y/N shushed suddenly feeling eyes on her back, almost burning the hole and – ironically – do making her blush.
“and what if I don’t?”
“you’re crazy!”
“and you’re too shy for your own good. Come one, live a little. Have a hot, steamy romance. Free yourself! Burn the bra!”
“What?”
“It’s a figure of speech!”
“I know what it means!” Y/N laughed and shook her head at her friend’s stupidity. However, instead of leaving or making a scene she just raised her own glass in a celebratory gesture “cheers!”
And now – tell me, in your honest opinion, don’t you think that few young woman in an almost empty restaurant at the very late hour, laughing and acting the way young carefree girls should, would get some looks, even if covert?
***
Once the academic year got off the ground the time seemed to pass in an accelerated speed. Before anyone noticed the beginning of October turned into November and then everyone started slowly thinking about actual work and getting some work as a source of income.
Y/N was no exception to this rule. Between mingling, being a socially engaged person, going out with friends, studying, preparing for exams, finding little time for her hobbies and currently fighting for an internship, her life was simply crazy.
So she wandered around the city alone to get at least a bit of peace of mind. Not having any specific destination in mind, just letting her feet lead her to whatever place she might find herself in. Just being and floating in space, allowing her imagination and creativity run free, unrestrained by a rigid schedule.
The old bookshop looking like it was taken straight from the Harry Potter universe might have been a spot where she’s been spending most of her time, to such extend that the owner learned her name. moreover, she even started helping him in running the business which was quite good practice given the fact she was studying business and economics. And for one more reason too.
***
“I’m here, sorry for being late! Bus was delayed due to the weather and –“ she walked through the door shaking of the snow not realising that there was a client present and Bobby was nowhere to be found. That meant she was supposed to serve the man standing by the counter, whose face she could not see at the moment. “Morning sir. What can I help you with?” swiftly she hung her damp coat and hat on the hanger and approached him. “Sam?” the name escaped her before she bit her tongue.
“Hi. Do I know you?” the man frowned in confusion, but it was not a confused expression of someone offended by being called by his given name, rather a sympathetic question of someone trying hard to refresh his memory.
“No.” she shook her head with a smile of embarrassment “no you don’t, not really. But my friend got eyes for your brother, you should warn him about a feisty female sharpening her claws.”
“I am pretty sure Dean can handle- wait, you’re that girl from the restaurant.”
“Good memory. Surprisingly good, actually.” She reached her hand towards him “I’m Y/N Y/L/N. It’s only fair to tell you my name since I already know yours.”
“Nice to meet youY/N. You work here?”
“More like volunteer. Full time student, part time bookseller. Doesn’t seem like a match made in heaven, does it?”
“Well, I bet you wouldn’t expect to see a chef searching for a book, will you?”
“I’m not judgmental.” She shrugged taking a look at the pile of volumes in his hands “but choosing modern sci-fi crime and mythology books is a bit surprising. For a guy in general.”
“It’s just side interest. And actually I was hoping Bobby would find something that would be more complex than a manifestation of the author's exuberant and non-realistic imagination”
“Wow, now that’s the wording.”
“for a chef?” Sam smirked.
“For a person. Anyone else would just say the book was fucked up.”
“Thought you weren’t judgmental?”
“I wasn’t.” Y/N shrugged and grinned at him “till you said that you’re pretty much looking for fantasy book with no fantasy in it.”
“Then why do I get the feeling you know perfectly where to find one?”
“Challenge accepted Mr. Winchester.”
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Dovesso Headcanons Because I Said So
--Dovey stresses about everything being perfect and right because she really does love the school so much and Lesso just. Makes fun of her for it but with that fond smile she can't quite hide and those concerned eyes that guide Dovey to her bed for some much needed sleep and for the first time in weeks Dovey breathes.
--Lesso is actually super clumsy. She's learned grace over the years, it is quite threatening after all, but she still randomly knocks things over and Dovey absolutely delights in it
--Dovey loves the song Cinderella Snapped by Jax, though she could never tell anyone since it basically goes against everything she teaches. But then Unification happens and she hesitantly shares it with Agatha one day. The next she walks through The Clearing and a group of kids are screaming the lyrics and dancing, laughing and smiling and finally free and she almost breaks down sobbing.
--One time Dovey bopped Lesso's nose and it was the first times Dovey had ever actually seen her look surprised. Lesso blinked for a second and then continued on as normal, but she seemed particularly absentminded the next day. (This totally doesn't kinda come from Pipsqueak. Where would you get that idea from 🤔)
--Lesso's a total potions geek. This is basically canon at this point but still. Dovey found out when they were scoping out The Blue Forest to replenish the herbs stock and she made some offhand comment about what that weird speckly plant might do and Lesso just lit up and went on a total rant about every which way it can be used.
--Now Dovey loves to sit it in the potions lab and just watch her lovely work as she sweeps around the room, completely in her element. Until Lesso inevitably knocks something over and lets out a string of some impressively creative profanity and Dovey cackles
--Dovey got it in her head once to try and tame Lesso's hair and they lost several brushes to that endeavor
--They're favorite thing to do is take a bath together. Long and lazy and pure heaven in a tub. Until the inevitable frantic voice of Hort outside the door screaming about the latest disaster. Dovey just smiles and shakes her head, magicking them dressed and ready, while Lesso grumbles about retirement for the third time that day. She'll be ninety two and still working there, grumbling all the same, and they both know it.
--At their wedding, Dovey brought a a step stool to the alter so she could finally lean down and kiss the beautiful bride
--Lesso wore the most awesome half suit with a jagged veil I mean I can't even describe it to you but trust me it's awesome.
--Anemone walked Dovey down the aisle because come on. It's just too perfect.
--August Sader walked Lesso down the aisle because they're gay besties and he deserved to exist in the movie don't even argue with me on this one
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why are people on TikTok saying that boris is gay and theo is bi, like bro it’s literally so obvious that boris is bi and that theo is the gay one.
The people who say that theo is gay has clearly never heard of internalized homophobia or comphet. (google is free y’all) It was very obvious in the book that theo didn’t love any of the women he was involved with (at least not romantically or sexually). And ppl always bring up pippa like no he wasn’t in love with her. He became obsessed with her as a way of coping with his childhood trauma, (trauma in which she also experienced) She was the last person theo saw before the explosion and that will always mean something. He also used her as a way of trying to convince himself that he was straight, because if he liked pippa he couldn’t be gay right?. He would even make up things about her in his mind that weren’t true, because he liked the IDEA of pippa and being with her, because she was in his own words “perfect” for him, while boris was not because he’s a boy. Theo didn’t actually like pippa. He was even disappointed when he meant her again and she wasn’t acting like the “perfect” pippa he had made up in his mind. Also a funny thing is that when he did talk ab the things he liked ab her, he would always mention how they reminded him of boris.
I also think that it was pretty clear that he didn’t like having sex with women and afterwards he would describe feeling “sick with emptiness” (I haven’t heard of any straight man who feels that way with every woman they’ve slept with lol) He also talked about how he wished he loved kitsey but even if he really tried he just couldn’t. And he didn’t understand why because kitsey was “perfect” for him. Another thing that’s funny is how theo barely gave a fuck when kitsey cheated on him (he mostly cared ab how it would affect Mrs Barbour) but when his best friend got a girlfriend at 14 he absolutely hated her from the second he was told that boris was dating her. He was very much visibly jealous of her. To make it simple I just think he describes dealing with comphet and internalized homophobia perfectly.
I’m also tired of ppl trying to erase boris’s bisexuality, he was bisexual he liked women and he was very much attracted to women, get over it. (there’s evidence to back it up that u would know ab even if u haven’t read the book) (Like he canonically likes milfs lol). That doesn’t mean that he wasn’t in love with theo and that they aren’t meant to be. He was very much in love and attracted to theo. And let’s not kid ourselves, boris gives off the biggest bi vibes ever like if bisexuality was a person it would be boris pavlikovsky.
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I finished The Mars House last night and have been trying to gather my thoughts beyond ADJFAWEHDHA; and AHHHHHHHH. Let's see how this works out.
In a lot of ways this is a pretty typical Natasha Pulley book, which makes you love complicated people who have done bad things, possibly for good reasons and possibly not. The love interest is to all appearances a xenophobic nationalist, but you better believe I loved Gale pretty much immediately.
In other ways this book is different from her past work—obviously there's the far future setting, but it's pretty clear that Pulley wanted to Say Something about gender with The Mars House. This book is a response to and shots fired at the terf ideology and it is not at all subtle about it. And of course, it's a Natasha Pulley book, so there's still empathy for the far-future Martian terfs.
So I would definitely call it the most...political? of her books, which for me was not at all a bad thing. It has everything that I love about Pulley novels—her gorgeous use of language, her ability to wring beauty and pathos out of the small and ordinary, the gay pining, the morally dubious main characters. I've seen reviews say both that the science is ridiculous and that the book is hard science fiction, and I would come down on the side of the science probably being a bit ridiculous, since it's definitely not hard science fiction (lol at the reviewers who are throwing that term around and not knowing what it means). I actually have no idea if the science is plausible or not and I honestly don't care, because that's really not the point of the book.
Anyway, now I'm just going to list things. Doing a read more for spoilers! And I'm not joking, I'm going to spoil the whole book under here so really, if you haven't read it and you care about that, don't keep reading.
The worldbuilding was so good. I mean, this is one of Pulley's strengths, but I had wondered how it would stack up in a sci fi novel versus her historical fiction. As usual, everything was so visceral and textured. Tharsis and Songshu feel like real places I could visit.
THE MAMMOTHS OMG OMG. When they decided to ask the mammoths for help pulling up the gravity train, I almost jumped up from the couch yelling (I would have, but I couldn't disturb my cat who was on my legs). The entire idea of communicating with mammoths and studying mammoth society almost made me cry. Having spent even a tiny amount of time around elephants in the wild, all of that rang 100% plausible. And true in my heart.
I need a sequel where River and January go to Alpha Centauri to talk to the aliens that the Penglai mission is going to find there.
I'M ABOUT TO SPOIL THE ENTIRE BOOK SO DON'T READ ANYMORE IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT.
Speaking of River, yeah I guessed that "Aubrey" was actually River. The clues were well done and I felt smug when I was right.
But!! I actually thought River knew more than they did! A literal chill went up my back when River revealed they had NO IDEA AUBREY WAS LITERALLY IN THEIR ROOM WITH THEM.
The scene in River's bathtub had me screaming crying throwing up.
Is Natasha Pulley working through something re: waifish orphans? I knew Yuan was going to end up being adopted into House Song within pages of their (his?) introduction.
I love that we never find out if River is biologically male or female. I love that January says it doesn't matter and he means that and never tells us.
Speaking of gender abolition, can I have that please for myself.
All of the animals were, as always, a delight. Shoutout to the puffin at the beginning who we never see again, as well as Shuppiluliuma in her basket.
The ancient Mediterranean references littered through this book (see above) were also a delight.
When you think about it, both of Aubrey's consorts fell for River, and that's funny.
The flashes of love between River and Aubrey were devastating.
The haptic implants are a dystopian nightmare and absolutely a realistic prediction of where we're going to end up.
Mori and Daughter!!
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Once again thinking about how Owen was still shaking and grabbing at the banana peel when Curt ran away. Thinking about how Owen tried to point out how absurd it was to leave a banana peel lying around in the first place, and Curt steamrolled him by saying "who gives a shit?"
How Curt dismissed Owen and treated him like a nuisance for chastising him for drinking and leaving shit on the ground, and for wanting to re-lock the safety barricades to limit the explosion. How Curt didn't have the equipment he thought he would because the color of the rocket shoes didn't match his outfit.
How the explosion was Curt's idea, and he could have simply used the watch to send the blueprints and they both would've gotten out of there safely. But he wanted to be cool. He wanted to be a badass. (and personally, I think he probably wanted to save face with Owen after having to get rescued and getting chewed out by his boss)
I don't think Curt was incompetent in A1P1, but I do think he was a cocky asshole with a bruised ego. I have to be honest, I don't understand the impulse to flatten his character into "He was an awesome babygirl but then a sad thing just kinda happened to him, schwoopsie" when his ego and hubris leading to Owen's demise is the entire point of the scene. Curt having faults and fucking up is what sets that character up to have an arc at all.
In the 54 Below concert there's a part of the spoken introductions where Tessa Netting says "when these two spies are together, they are gay and unstoppable," and the next line is "that is- until Curt's ego gets in the way." In the commentary for SAF there are several points where TCB mentions Curt's ego, his hubris, his vanity- because they are important pieces of the puzzle for understanding who this guy is. Without that context, the choices his character makes in A1P1 don't make any sense (which is why I think some people read him as just kinda being a dipshit)
There's a reason he spent four years blaming himself for Owen's death- it was his fault. It's a crucial part of his character development, and it makes him a much more interesting and nuanced character than "he just did a lil fucksy-wucksy" does.
I'm not even going to get into the way the fandom absolutely refuses to engage with Curt's alcohol use, or how they make up details about Owen to make him more of a cartoon character villain (like the idea that he orchestrated the events of the show specifically to hurt/kill Curt when he doesn't even know Curt is there until Curt interrupts the arms deal) or how they pretend that Owen doesn't have a canon traumatic event that informs who he becomes (which, to be clear, is someone who tortures and murders people- thinking of Owen as an actual human character instead of a Snidely Whiplash villain doesn't mean ignoring how fucked up he is)
I probably should have said all that anonymously through the confessions blog like everyone else is doing, but frankly there are so few Owen defenders everyone would probably know it was me anyways. Also I'm just confident I know the show well enough to defend my points under my own name.
I spent days telling myself to just ignore it, don't let my autism win here, but this show is so complex and well-written, and has so much space for a subtextual reading of it, that it really bothers me to see these weird, messy, interesting, fucked up characters sanded down to Good Guy vs Bad Guy
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"He's actually paying those PR people? Whatever for? A drunk wombat would be better at the task." I LOL'd because my god have we been asking this very question of both Sam and Cait for years. They're PR is actually the worst. It's honestly hard to believe at times. Absolutely zero idea who either of them are trying to reach. The recalibrating after that VF disaster sent Cait into hiding, I'm not sure she's done another print interview since Belfast promo ended and if the Sam articles are going to continue on this way, he can quit too. Boring.
Dear Quit Anon,
I am flattered I managed to bring a smile or even a LOL, but I am not particularly glad about it. Unlike droves of people who think this PR shitshow is sad, I actually find it mystifying.
You are right. Goddess C went into occultation after that cursed VF interview. There are clear reasons, I think, for that. Also, please take into account the fact that, despite the illusions peddled by some fuckwits in this fandom, there are many things we simply do not know (nor should we, most probably).
As for S, I guess that ever since she went totally MIA (as I said, make-up and fash-un promo don't really compensate), he is overexposing himself. On purpose. Perhaps to protect her (I think so). Certainly to hide something. Since this is no way in hell about being gay (I will die on that hill and I know I am right), the only thing he could hide is well... I don't really need to draw it, do I?
Smoke and mirrors is always a risky strategy. S simply hasn't got what it takes to play that game long term, probably for the same reasons he was never a serious shortlist candidate for Bond. At this point in time, he'd mechanically go with whatever merde du jour is thrown by his imbecile PR on the table. Still, it's high time he'd seriously pull himself together. He can do better, as I wrote in a comment: he can do NYT and he did it very well, recently. And I was glad to see that. But Metro is just disappointing, clueless and tasteless. And it's padding up a press portfolio with amiable, meaningless bullshit that goes nowhere. Or at least nowhere near he wants to be or see himself in, let's say, five years from now.
OL is going to end. It has to. It's been both a blessing and a curse, I said that before. Then, it will be high time to end the fucking Truman Show. He (abstractly) knows that, he keeps hinting about it. “I’m ready for new challenges, but also nervous about what it’s like in the real world” - for some reason, I found this phrase very telling. But I doubt he internalized what probably still feels like a safely remote occurrence, right now.
What are his real projects? For the moment, zero. Directing? I'd love to see it, but he's got no real credentials for that. Bond? I mean, publicly gushing and insisting is not going to manifest it. He needs a real movie, a good one to break that glass ceiling. Is he going to get it? I hope so. But his personal brand awareness is still low. The PR clowns should stop talking to us, in here: we are already here and not going anywhere. All of us: antis, mommies, shippers, fencers, haters, trolls. They should talk to the people who have no clue who S is, and do it differently. He should step out of his comfort zone, ditch the leeches and refuse to discuss his personal life, for a while. There, I said it.
What are her real projects? For the moment, not much. Sure, we have The Cut, where I gather her part is minimalistic, to be kind. We also have The Amateur, of which very little is known at the moment. However, if I am correct, she is not one of the leads. Enough said. And beyond that? Crickets.
Make no mistake. The real litmus test is not now. The real litmus test is 2025. And then we'll see. And I'll still be here, taking weeping Anons because I don't know who said I don't know what I don't know where. Mark me.
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OK SO UM there have been a LOT of controversy surrounding my name, most prominently on twitter.
i thought that it would be a good idea to let people here know exactly what is happening. i don't want to leave people in the dark and i want to be totally honest, so if you're confused about what all the harassment is about, give this a read.
1. i came out as a lesbian attracted to all genders
this is true. and i am fucking proud of it. sadly THIS is why hundreds and maybe even thousands of people are harassing me and sending me death threats every single day. yep. because thats a very normal and healthy reaction. (/sar)
i have NEVER tried to hide the fact that i'm radically inclusionist, just because i don't openly state it in my bio that doesn't mean it's particularly secret... i'm in full support of ALL good faith identities, which doesn't include pedos/maps/zoos/transdisabled/transage or whatever. though it DOES include lesboys (yes... including lesbian cis men. cis men are allowed to explore what labels they'd like to use just like anyone else), mspec gays/lesbians, turigirls, transmascfemmes, intersex boys/girls, afab transfems, amab transmascs, therian/transspecies, any other "weird/contradictory" label. i only support transracial people who reclaim that term and actually use it as was intended. stop using their goddamn terms to be a racist asshole.
2. i draw suggestive art of regretevator even though it is against the creators' boundaries
please read my stance regarding posts of regretevator nsfw. i will stress that at first i did listen to criticism and deleted/privated all of my suggestive regretevator art AND made a private 16+ account on twitter specifically to post that kind of stuff in order to respect yeucc's boundaries (even though the art i make isn't even really that bad compared to what other people make but eh).
now, my nsfw regretevator stuff are kept to these platforms:
• refsheet (has an nsfw filter which is on by default for everyone)
• tumblr (can make tags people can filter, avoid tagging with anything else)
• twitter (can make a private account)
• tiktok (can make videos private to friends only)
• instagram (no filtering features whatsoever. only place where i dont post my nsfw stuff)
i have never considered my hypersexuality to be an excuse in any way, just simply an explanation of why i am like this. i have never blamed this on my mental health.
3. i am showing explicit pornography to minors
this is absolutely NOT true. the reason why some believe this is because my private suggestive/nsfw art account on twitter, @wallterwife, lets anyone of the age 16 and up follow the account. however, the description of that account VERY CLEARLY states that the art posted to that account DOES NOT CONTAIN NUDITY WHATSOEVER. (also, i am a minor, so i wouldnt feel comfortable posting explicit porn anyway)
furthermore, it's because it's commonly believed that nsfw = explicit pornography. that is completely untrue, however its understandable that the majority of people may think this way. this is the real definition of not safe for work, which is what i always mean when i say that something i make is nsfw. respectfully, i'm not going to change that just because some people refuse to learn. i have always made it very clear that my account is not strictly sfw. it's not my job to take care of someone else's kid.
i will add more to this if more accusations come to light. this post will be added to my pinned and viewable at any time.
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Hi!
I love your Blog and love to read your takes in everything. So thank you so much for all your Posts and thoughts about the industry etc.
Here is my question: i came across one of your posts where you wrote "actually gay, not bl gay" (it was a Post about Jojo and Only Friends) and while I FELT that I TOTALLY understood what you meant and instantly was like "yes 100% clear" Id love to read and learn more about what this means exactly and why some bls feel quite heteronormative while some dont. Would you mind explain the take on "actually gay Not Bl gay" a little bit? And why some Shows feel just more queer than others (besides the unbelievable stupid "gay only for you" trope lol)
Thank you so much and I hope you will have a nice day!
actually gay, not bl gay
There's actually quite a discourse on this right now mostly originating with @waitmyturtles and @wen-kexing-apologist (Post @killiru references above is here.)
I tend to mostly talk about this in broad brush strokes as a queer lens.
But there's a great ven diagram (which of course I've lost the link to) that approaches the idea of and queer lens by tunneling into its approach and intent:
about queers
by queers
for queers
How do different BLs intersect in different ways with these three elements?
When I said "actually gay, not BL gay" I was alluding to this discourse. Specifically the "about queers" category of BL.
There are characters in BL who read as genuinely gay (as in belonging to the queer family of this terrible reality we live in) and then there are those that seem more performative (to exist in a bubble of fantasy were sexual identity is almost unimportant, only the romance matters, everything is safe sweetness & light). For some queers this can read as manipulative or even exploitive (because it is inauthentic to most queer experiences). For me, it's fine... even desirable. I like the safe bubble. I enjoy the utter delusional escapism of it. Sometimes I will call this sanitized gay. (Since it is designed to make gay palatable to non-gay identified folks e.g. seme/uke.)
A sanitized gay BL may be unintentional but it is nested in origin yaoi and mm romance whose target market has never been the queer community, and whose authors have historically not been members of it, either.
Let's be frank, we queers are generally a terrible target market, we don't have enough spending power - especially not for a piece of pop culture as niched as BL. And as creators we really want our voices to be heard (obvs), which makes us produce content that those unsympathetic or uncaring find uncomfortable. (Yes, I know, fuck them, but also, they have all the money and the entertainment industry is a numbers game.)
So in the arena of office romances, just as an example:
actually gay = The New Employee
sanitized gay = Our Dating Sim
actual gay = Step By Step
sanitized gay = A Boss And a Babe
All of the above have the same tropes, archetypes, and premises. All of them are BL. Some are just... queerer feeling than others. And the characters in those shows (Step by Step and The New Employee) read as more "actually gay."
This has nothing to do with the actors, chemsitry, or how much we may personally like the show (Our Dating Sim is one of my absolute favorite BLs). It has to do with how closely those CHARACTERS intersect with the reality of queerness as we inhabit it today. It will be lots of little touches given to the drama by director and script:
language use,
surrounding friendships (and friendship style),
mannerisms and physicality (specially body language around straights vs other queer characters),
makeup & wardrobe,
facial expressions,
surrounding queer-coded behaviors by side characters,
layers of story nuance that indicate a complicated queer-driven back story.
Markers of specifically a queer identity are given to the leads.
These kinds of BLs are satisfying the "about queers" category. ("By queers" can be difficult to extract because IRL outting is involved. "For queers" is the rarest kind of BL, because making something specifically for us often alienates the majority of the rest of viewership/market. I could be argued that SCOY did this.)
I'm sure I've missed things, but I hope that kinda makes sense?
By/For/About discourse from @wen-kexing-apologist here:
Parts 1
Part 2
Part 3
I'm indebted to them for the links!
More Queer Stuff from Yours Truly
BL Linguistics & Queer Identity - I Am Gay versus I Like Men
Will BL Get More Honestly Queer?
Queer lens (from the director) and chemistry (from the actors) in BL (A Tale of Thousand Stars)
Touch & Daisy in Secret Crush On You - Queer Coded Language and 3rd Gender Identity
BL in Taiwan & Gay Marriage
Debating Queerbaiting in BL ( + Devil Judge... is it queerbaiting?)
BL Actors and the Assumption of Queerness - outing actors, coming out, being out, more: Is that BL actor actually queer?
So is it really fetishization? straight women loving bl
Some BL fans are sasaengs, and it’s a problem in this fandom
BLs That Highlight How Society Treats Queers
10 BLs That Are Honest to a Queer Experience
(source)
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The Newsreader & gender expectations. Part II: Dale Jennings and being a newsreader
I feel like there's a line connecting Dale's mum with his career ambitions and with how he feels about his sexuality.
Dale's not that young. So, why hasn't reflected more about his sexuality and his relationships? Why is he still trying to erase parts of himself (darling, it won't work)? Why does he assume that everyone wants to get married?
"It's 1987, there was not really the language for him to discover that (and he's working in such a rigid environment), to even really understand what bisexuality is or what pansexuality is or maybe demisexual (sic)."
Sam Reid. ABC Radio National
Both Sam and Michael have talked about Dale lacking the language about his sexuality. While it's true that that he may not have come across the word "bisexual" (although the famous Bowie interview is from 1979), I feel like more than a label he needs a narrative. It's pretty common for queer people, when we're discovering our sexuality to look for people like us: historical figures, fictional characters, people in our own life, etc. Just some one to show us how to live.
Gerry also doesn't have a label, and yet he seems much more happy and comfortable in his sexuality. His life history could be that narrative Dale needs: fall in love with a woman, marry, have a child, have a successful career AND have sex with men on the side. But Dale is set on monogamy. Which is absolutely fine, but he can't imagine himself as attracted to both men and women, and monogamous, AND happy.
My theory is that he's never had the time to think about this things because he was an emotionally parentified child. We know that Dale's father died when he was only 15. He had to take responsibility for his mum happiness. And he's holding that responsibility ever since.
This is more fanfiction than analysis territory, but I can imagine a recently widowed Val glued to the TV, watching news. And I can imagine a very young Dale thinking "Now that my dad's dead I have to be a proper man, the kind of man my mum values. And that man is a newsreader."
"I suppose Dale has always sort of believe that the pinnacle of... everything that represents stability and assuredness and the kind of like archetype of what it is to be a man and what it is to be a voice of authority is represented in this newsreader kind of form."
Sam Reid. The Newsreader Podcast. 06 | Fireworks with Sam Reid and Michael Lucas
I know that sexuality is not correlated to gender, but these things intersect and the ideal man for society (specially in this moment in time) is a straight man (who gets married to a woman, has children, provides for them financially, etc). Queer men are seeing as feminine and therefore faulty. Dale's running away from being perceived that way.
What I would call "a partner" and Adam calls "a lover", Val calls "a friend". The euphemism makes it pretty clear that she's not comfortable with queerness. Dale wants to make her happy, so he has to be a straight man.
Even after more than a year of Helen and Dale being together, Val says she wasn't sure Dale was going to propose/marry her. Maybe she thought they were going to break up, or that they would continue to "live in sin" (lets note the religious expression for a moment...) for ever. But what I hear (and judging by Dale's awkward reaction, he may be thinking the same) is "up until this moment I was afraid you were actually gay".
By the end of the season, Dale and Helen have broken up. He buys his own house and while he's showing it to his mum, they have that little dialogue. "It's not a family home", once again that idea of nuclear family shows up. For the first time he's going against her wishes. Does this mean he's happy? Sam doesn't think so and neither do I. I think he just switched his mum's expectations for those of the society in general. And society expect for people who work on TV to have big fancy houses, so that's what he bought.
________
(part I)
feel free to comment in whatever form you like, I'm nosy and I like to read what other people think.
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