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lostacelonnie · 10 months

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Gotta keep that hope around for sure i will keep my fingers crossed for you. Oh that is a win win i gotta remember that, i say as if adhd wont make me forget. I usually just look for em to see like. What kinds are around. Whole ones. Broken ones. Weird shapes. Its interesting. Dont take any with me though. That. Makes me wonder how they teach english over there. Honestly yeah i look for a name in the bio or just. Shorthand the username somehow because i gotta have some way to refer to people. I havent used a bio in years so people use my username all the time. Oooh norway i have always wanted to go there. I dont camp as much as id like to but i should more tbh. I have seen her stacks & i gotta say. Clara is wild cant believe i let her sit unused. I dunno how much ill get but im gonna for sure be savin as i can. I think that one is last yeah. I am always interested at the start but fade by the end because the new stuff always slows down. Same ive been playing indies more like gris & obra dinn. To try & branch out. Good story annoying exploration is chasm in a nutshell yeah. True big cities be like that. I live in a smaller one now so very little happens. Mine hold dye decently well which i appreciate. Just wish we had true permanent dye. Maybe one day. Thats how i am with nail polish i always get it on the sides & mess up but ive gotta just. Be patient & let myself learn. Happy 1.2 star rail update

sorry for the late reply shfjglk i truly have no excuse other than "i was holed up in my room in an attempt to avoid interaction with my grandma but i accidentally also avoided interaction with Everyone Else" so im. So sorry ab that. COMING BACK hehe thankies!! if things go wrong i guess ill just move out for a while and then come back Suspiciously A Different Gender. nobodys gonna know. but yeah good luck on remembering that shdjfk!! and ahh thats fair i just usually visit pretty big beaches so theres not many around by the time i get there. english is taught just so you know the language but following the education system without external classes will get you a2 knowledge At Best and its getting worse with each year so. lol. and yeah frfr i use usernames as names alllll the time...... norway is very fun i recommend it!! esp if you prefer colder climates like i do. ahhh understandable!! i dont actually. own a tent but as i said, maybe one day. id rather go with friends tho which is a problem in on itself cos i dont have that many friends that actually know each other. unless i go with my photo camp friends. thats an Idea actually. YEAH CLARA IS GREAT.... i unfortunately dont have her quite built [terrible relic luck...... plus ive been more focused on trying to prepare for kafka recently] but seeing as shes my main [despite having jing yuan] i Will get her better stuff someday. i have 140 pulls rn so im equally nervous as i am excited. yeah it really Is like that bc im always paranoid ab spoilers so i always do at least the new story as fast as i can. except for right now as i still havent played the new honkai chapter [but tbf my game only managed to download the update yesterday, 3 days after the launch of 6.8] and i honestly dont have the energy to do it today so maybe tomorrow. ah that sounds fun!! i came back to minecraft recently idk why but ive been having a Great time. after 130 in-game days i am finally no longer homeless. and oh when i get older id like to move to a smaller city [since i like having things close but dont like having drama all the time] but im still thinking ab where. ah thats cool...... i tried looking for the dye that i used on camp but couldnt find it. rip. and yeah same tbh thats why i never paint my nails. and yeah happy star rail 1.2 o)-( i like the double planar ornament event since thats the only thing im missing for kafkas things......

#but at least it turns out that when im sealed away in my room im also extremely productive in drawing and writing #asks #pen pals

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happikattwuzheere · 4 years

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the one where gansey befriends a deer: the au

hey remember that time ronan dreamed up a deer that was described with language suspiciously similar to how adam’s described, because i sure do!!! anyway

OK.

ok. so. this au’s actually evolved a lot since its initial already-pretty-fleshed-out inception one sleepless night, so me talking about it’s gonna be more than one post, but here’s the first one well actually the second technically yesterday’s warmup doodles were also from this au but i didnt talk about it at all so

and I’m gonna start with more or less the same pitch I gave to a couple people on discord

SO. starting out: it’s standard fantasy times, vaguely medieval but no specific time period because I don’t care enough to be digging into that quite frankly, but it is somewhere in England where this is happening. Story starts with just Gansey, Ronan, and Noah. Fey are very real and known entities and there’s been a conflict in England between the fey and humans, if not in the whole country then at least in the lands that the Ganseys are the lords of but probably the whole island tbh, and Gansey’s not inherited the lands yet but he’s going to and wants to maybe find a peaceful resolution to the conflict. It’s not open warfare by any means but it’s been a big problem.

To the effect of solving that, he heads to some little village that I haven’t named but it’s right next to a known fey forest called Cabeswater. This village has avoided being stomped by the local fey because, despite witches not being particularly liked by the nobility of the time, there’s a big old coven (the psychics of Fox Way, essentially) situated right by this village that’s kept things in check. Gansey’s made his excuses to his parents about why he’s officially going there but really he wants to talk to the witches and get a better grasp of the conflict from the people actually dealing with it. He and Ronan set out from home together, pick up Noah along the way--who is not a ghost in this AU, he’s a fey who owes Gansey a life debt, that’s a whole other post and THIS post is mostly about gansey and adam--but anyway they get to this village and NOBODY gives gansey the time of day.

the witches don’t let him into their house because they don’t like the nobility right back thanks and the next time he tries to visit Cabeswater won’t even let him get to the coven’s dwelling, the one witch’s daughter who regularly stops by the village for supplies and to check if anyone needs anything has a big argument with him the first time he talks to her so that’s going nowhere, and, well, the villagers are polite, but they clearly don’t take him seriously. He’s just the lordling playing at things and potentially meddling in their business to them.

So he starts hanging out just barely within Cabeswater, even though he knows that’s not wise, because he finds this perfect spot by a stream, and he’ll sit out there and think and work on the journal he keeps of all his thoughts and plans, and one day while he’s there has a straight up Disney princess experience when a deer stops by the stream and seems incredibly unafraid of him. he cherishes the experience but accepts that it probably won’t happen again.

and then it does. several times. gansey’s losing his mind. this deer??? apparently likes listening to him info dump?? it’s very therapeutic and also very magical and he’s amazed

a few times in, he names the deer “Pryderi” after a character from a welsh legend, because “such a handsome creature deserves a princely name,” [[muffled blue laughing and whispering “princely” in the distance]], and he tells ronan and noah about this experience but ronan doesn’t believe him at ALL.

one time after gansey’s particularly upset at how bad his attempts at getting along with the villagers, Pryderi actually lets Gansey touch him for the first time and gansey cannot shut up about it to ronan who’s finally like “i think you’re bullshitting me about this deer thing. im coming with you next time” and gansey’s like “well he’s a deer he might not show up if a stranger’s around and he doesn’t come every time i go down there anyway” and ronan’s like “this sounds like a lot of excuses, dick, you’re not making me believe you any more with this” and gansey’s like “>8\”

but pryderi does show up, and gansey is delighted, and ronan stares really hard at him and then goes

and gansey’s like what? nooo. but ronan keeps arguing it for the duration of the visit and the deer actually starts to look annoyed and at the end ganseys like ok maybe but i doubt it. and then hes like “well since you are a fey apparently (/sarcasm) i ought to say farewell with respect” and bows very mockingly and then the deer makes direct eye contact with ronan and bows back and gansey loses his shit

gansey continues meeting up with pryderi but even while his infodumping still happens it does so now with the knowledge that He Does Actually Understand What Im Saying, he may be a fey but he seems like a friendly one and hey that’s way more than gansey thought he would get out here, and also this deer is his friend now thanks,

he, ronan, and noah (who’s amused by Pryderi but keeps his main thoughts to himself for now) make some excursions into cabeswater, but the thing is noah’s not really native to england, he’s from the european mainland, again i’ll get to it in another post sometime, but. he can sort of help navigate cabeswater but not all THAT well so they get lost a couple times, and every time it does happen pryderi shows up and helps guide them out. there’s some very funny moments of a very jealous ronan getting into weird conflict w/ a very smug deer

anyWAY one day there’s like a festival, everyone’s drunk because its the middle ages and there’s not really a drinking age, gansey’s making another effort to make friends with anyone, and this one guy about his own age is like “ok look here i’ll teach you the folk dance everyone’s doing ok?” and gansey spends the night dancing w/ a handsome stranger, yes he will recognize the irony in the morning, but for now it goes. well badly because they’re both drunk but it’s fun, and then the guy says “ah, fuck it, i’ll finish teaching you next time we see each other” and gansey’s like “thats a little forward but ok!” and the guy (adam. its adam) panics and leaves while gansey’s back is turned and gansey doesn’t remember that last snippet of conversation the next day nor can he quite recall the stranger’s face. ronan does, because he was watching and not sure which of the two he was jealous of, but neither of them has any idea who the guy actually was.

and then like, 3 days later, gansey falls asleep at the spot he usually hangs out in in cabeswater and wakes up in the early evening just in time to hear people yelling and for Pryderi to burst into view with an arrow in his flank. he collapses in a bush. gansey snaps into “protect friend” mode and gets the hunters off his trail by being all “oh a strange buck? i saw it pass that way over there friend!” and then when they’re gone he comes back and is all “alright pryderi they’re gone, let me just--” except pryderi’s not a deer anymore. it’s a boy.

(Adam. its adam. the deer is adam.)

gansey takes him home, gets the arrow out, noah’s like “i mean he’s not a fey, i dont know what turning into a deer is about but if he were fey the iron in that arrow would already have him dead. he might be partially fey but so little that he’s human in the ways that really matter”, over the next couple days they figure out that pryderi is in fact from the village and is a young man named adam parrish who’s been labelled a changeling and is assumed dead since he was yknow shot, gansey decides for now its probably best to keep him that way, but adam’s not getting better--apparently even having had the arrow in him as briefly as he did has poisoned him, he’s desperately ill and on the third day is finally like “get persephone” so gansey tries again (he’s tried several times over these days, they’d worked out that to have survived this long he must have someone else with a small degree of fey blood teaching him the ropes and the most likely suspects are the witches, but he’s hoping adam specifically asking him to will grant him permission enough to go in) and runs into a very frantic blue en route who as soon as he makes it clear he’s got adam is like “move your ass over on that horse im climbing on too”

they get persephone, who turns into a fox rather than a deer, she saves adam, everythings cool except adam’s pissy now because he cant go back to the village and he has to give up on the attempts he had in the works to get out of town by working his way out and he takes it out on gansey who doesnt deserve it because this friendship is a mess, he’ll feel bad and take it back eventually but thats yet more posts ANYWAY YEAH theres our starting point

(also worth noting: due to cabeswater being Right There, p much everyone in this village actually has a small degree of fey blood, adam just won the genetic lottery)

tl;dr adam’s a fey-blooded witch’s apprentice and he’s been the deer the whole time and thats the start of this au ty for coming to this ramble

#longpost #trc #the raven cycle #lolsketch #gonna make separate posts w/ just the art in a sec #anyway i love this au with all of my heart its extremely self indulgent #deer boy au #because thats what ive been shorthanding it to

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enderspawn · 3 years

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Quick question, I been in the fandom for a long ass time (since the first sadist animatic since I was a fan of sadist since their Batim days) so I think I good grasp on all of the folk in the smp but uh.... I kinda realised that I have no clue why c!Niki hates c! Wilbur and even more so, why does everyone thinks she's a girlboss for it??? Did I miss an entire plotline orrrr?

(sent this to a couple of other folk, hope you don't mind)

admittedly, im not the best well versed in it either (i'd recc going to mia geoguessbur, whos tbh the expert on c!wilbur and c!niki imo) but the short of it is: he realized the anger she had previously associated with tommy (because he "ruined everything", also see her attempted murder) was wrongly placed. he didn't do anything! ....and then she shifted the blame and that anger to wilbur instead of her like... dealing with her emotions. oops!

as for the girlboss thing... i think depending from person to person WHY they do it varies.

part of it is a willful ignorance of c!niki's character and her arc and instead working to fit her to a trope, i'm sure of it. likewise (though a bit cynical), i feel like a lot of people dont follow the female characters/ccs but dont want to LOOK like they dont so they... kind of fake it til they make it kind of thing? using the girlboss method is a great and easy way to show support for a character without having to actually care nor show any amount of depth in investment in who that character actually IS or going through. Again, thats a cynical view though and absolutely not the only reason ppl "girlboss-ify" characters.

some of it is encouraging bad decisions in the same way ppl chanted for wilbur to blow up lmanberg-- yeah its not healthy, but its fun and dramatic so im gonna be positive about it! go off!

some of it also (at least for me so im counting it) is like.... its more complex than you can get into comfortably (or at least casually). theres nuance and morals and what they're doing isn't right but its not a simple choice either. so you just... say girlboss instead and move on? again its also tied to the second point where you're encouraging bad actions, but with this point as compared the other like... intent that it IS deeper than that, its more tragic. you're glossing over it for the sake of levity, if that makes sense? Its a tragedy and you like it. (admittedly tho, i've used this type of "girlbossing" the most with like... c!quackity and the prison arc bc i was too tired to debate morals FJDSKLFJ)

its important tho to keep in mind the difference in how ppl treat male vs female characters with the "girlboss-ification" no matter what though. are you treating all female characters the same and glossing over their depth or erasing their character to fit a typical "strong girl" or "boss girl" archetype? also ties back to the first point, is your support superficial to make yourself look good?

theres definitely a trend in fandom i think to ignore the depth with female characters and their actions/motives while digging in deep to the male characters. men are allowed to be a tragedy while women are ''empowered'' by their tragedy. as an example off top my head: the eggpire. ive seen multiple points talking about the underlying tragedy of members like bad or ant and how they got to that point, but most ive seen about hannah are just... "yeah shes evil now #girlboss".

this isnt to say that you SHOULDNT acknowledge the depth of those male characters, nor to try and like.. single out eggpire fans, its just the clearest example i can think of. multiple characters going thru the same/similar scenarios, but the reception to them is different

despite all the of above, i dont think "girlboss-ifying" a character is inherently a bad thing. At least when used responsibly, like the second or third option presented. it IS a fun shorthand for "thing character is being active and doing things i like", often with a unsaid message of "this character is doing BAD things that i like". i dont think it should be tossed aside or never used, just used mindfully. again: why are you treating this character like this? how much do you actually know about the situation? etc.

#dream smp #mcyt #niki #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap #answered #anon #long post #i've. thought abt this a lot #again bc i saw ppl calling out the female girlboss behavior #and my first instinct was to defend myself bc i Enjoy using girlboss like discussed #and esp bc i apply it frequently without regards to gender (i think)#but after stepping back: they're right and have merit to their point #there IS a marked difference in how characters are treated at large based on gender. its okay to like... acknowlege that.#you have to in order to be able to change it #also i dont call out those scenarios out of malintent. i know i have done the 'support [blank] bc i want to appear good' even if i dont car #like. thats human instinct to appear good its okay. you just have to #ACKNOWLEDGE it and realize what you're doing #and make a point to like. improve or stop or just continue knowing why you;re doing it yknow #idk man i love rambling in tags FJKDLSJF

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korodere · 3 years

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I think that I could maybe offer advice (I hope it isn't unsolicited?) to you about the confusion you've expressed regarding your orientation. Try to keep in mind that...gender isn't real. As an example, I call myself "gay" but really I mean "I'm attracted to anyone that I feel attracted to, I don't put gendered lables on strangers, but physical traits that a lot of people associate with masculinity happen to fall under that attraction for me." It's just shorter and easier to say gay. I hope this makes sense because, I feel probably pretty similarly to how you do I think. Imo anyone's lable for their orientation should be viewed in the same way as their gender identity; it's personal, and whatever makes you happy, and what you feel easily conveys what you're generally going for to strangers, if that makes sense. Don't get too caught up on labels - all that matters is what makes you feel comfortable and happy.

thats true. its kind how ive been treating it. if someone asked me what my sexuality was id just say gay as shorthand tbh

and it's kind of what i feel like i want to call myself, just gay, but i dont know! i think whats weird about me is that im nonbinary, and while im boy-adjacent, i still feel very nonbinary at times, so my attraction to women (even if its usually only toward fictional characters or random strangers online) never feels like me, being a boy, attracted to women. i don't know how to categorize it, its still queer love to me, almost like wlw feelings but with me. Not being a woman! or even woman-adjacent

not in the same way that when i feel attracted to men i feel like a boy attracted to another boy.

i don't know! its kind of strange. its why i just dont think i have a label to fit me in regards to what that means to me. i know that what i feel toward men is boys love, mlm, as someone who is boy-adjacent, but my feelings toward women happen much less and much more particularly

#kota.txt #i think just like my gender my sexuality is fluid but more often than not it points toward boy/mlm #weird stuff

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slaygentford · 4 years

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Do you have any thoughts on the paper hercules in white by aimee hinds? I read most of it and felt kinda ambivalent, which made me think i’m just not understanding her points? I kept feeling like i understood the set up and then she jumped ahead and left me behind. You’re the tumblr person i trust most on classics so i’d appreciate the help

wow this is NEW new, like 2020 new. it’s making a lot of points ive seen before (colors = barbarism, bleached visuals = status; whiteness is social). overall she’s saying something I haven’t seen before but agree with, which is that ancient art was probably no more “racially diverse” (modern terminology for shorthand) than what we see in surviving polychromic artifacts (meaning the people depicted were usually “white”), but that we need to consider the fact that sculptures WERE polychromic when evaluating them, so that we look at them not just as static white (White, as in, Western Culture White) art objects but as artifacts with POTENTIALLY intersectional histories (tho probably not). so esp using the Farnese Hercules, I feel she’s kind of speaking actually to art critics and asking them to consider historicity and context to avoid defaulting to a white narrative -- she isn’t really speaking to people who already study classics. but like she says, the whole point is a bit moot because...this art depicts “white” people anyway. idk I agree with you, it’s a bit patchy, because she’s also saying modern artists can and should reimagine ancient figures in an intersectional way which like yes def, but what do modern artists have to do w like, historical evaluations by scholars of ancient art? I think it’s a problem of audience. I agree with all this stuff, I'm just not sure who specifically this article is like, for. ya kno. she’s traveling a lot of ground and being really ambitious with a small amt of space. I mean and then she also touches on black figure vases and talks a bit about how we need to strip the literal color white from its meaning of purity, because that’s inherently racist and didn’t exist in the ancient world the same way it does now...etc. idk I feel like there’s like three separate papers in here. theyre all great points its just very condensed! does that help at all? I hope you dont have like a class response due for this bc I am just like. word vomiting my reading of it. if you do have a thing due on it just pick the point that was most salient and chat about that, don’t try and cover all of it.

anyway re race in antiquity I was taught out of a great book called you guessed it race in antiquity. or maybe it’s like race: antiquity. idk it’s on my shelf I just have bad vision and can’t see it from here. its by Denise mccoskey anyway. so thats a good one to take a peek at if you want to think more about this stuff, tho it’s quite a lot of the same stuff as in this article. black Athena is another earlier and more radical take thats been pretty divisive over the years & is interesting too if for the conference drama alone.

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dinkydruid · 4 years

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i am so tired of prescribers being fucking assholes. what's a bitch gotta do to be believed and not gaslit? how you gonna titrate me up from one fourth of the recommended starting dose to one half of, again, the RECOMMENDED STARTING DOSE after i JUST told your ass that i have an extremely high tolerance to everything? how you gon tell me my autism and ADHD exist BECAUSE OF MY ANXIETY?! how you gon tell me there's no "quick fix" for extreme crises? bitch i know klonopin exists. "i don't want to put you on too many meds," BITCH IF THE TWOOOO MEDICATIONS I'M ON AINT DOING ENOUGH AND IVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR A YEAR AND MY THERAPIST SAYS I WONT BE ABLE TO SERIOUSLY WORK ON COPING SKILLS IF I CANT REMEMBER WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, I AM NOT OVERMEDICATED. i just want to stop being debilitated by panic attacks while i'm tryna work on EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT MYSELF. how you gon tell me there's no treatment for PMDD but the things ive already tried, for three to six months each, and they have all made me worse? WHY DO YOU NOT READ THE NOTES MY THERAPIST HAS PUT IN THE CHART?! my therapist that has known me, and spoken to me for an hour once a week, for A FUCKING YEAR? yeah sure he doesn't know shit but you, oh you who has spoken to me for a whopping hour, in 15min increments once a month, you know exactly what's wrong with me. not my therapist who is dissecting my brain from the inside, not me who HAS TO LIVE IN THIS BRAIN, but you, o lordly straight cis white man pharmacologist, you know all. and god forbid i advocate with myself. then i'm being "combative." MOST OF YOUR PATIENTS ARENT LYING TO YOU YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT, WE JUST WANT HELP. and you have so many tools at your disposal to help us, and you refuse, because one out of the hundredssss of patients you see MIGHT, probably lightly, abuse them. love too sacrifice a thousand people just so one person can be "punished" for *checks notes* living in a capitalist hellscape with no future and no aspirations and looking for relief. I'M NOT EVEN ONE OF THOSE. i do not like, nor want, to get high. i just don't think people should be vilified for tryna get fucked up when the alternative is work yourself to death and experience every moment of pain. funny how dulling the pain in alcohol is societally acceptable tho. dude i just want to be able to walk my dog and remember to brush my teeth, not forget what i'm saying in the middle of a sentence.. maybe write shit down. i don't even remember to write shit down when i JUST thought of it. if i do remember that i should write it down, i have to write it in shorthand or ill forget. then ill forget to look at the note. if i remember to look at the note, i won't understand my own shorthand and, of course, i forgot to expand on it after i was done with it. THATS NOT FUCKING ANXIETY. jesus christ what's a bitch gotta DO to get a black psych med provider. what's a bitch gotta do to be listened to.

i sound mad, but i'm not really mad at all. i'm so fucking sad. i want help and i don't think i'm going to get it and i'm ready to give up.

#mental health #prescription #shitty doctors #actually adhd #actuallyautistic #anxiety #depression #black doctors #white men #racism in medicine #whats a bitch gotta do #listen to bipoc #self advocacy

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mlm-only-support · 4 years

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I'm sending this bc hoping to offer perspective? I just discovered the "mlm only discourse," but legit the first 5 blogs I found were truscum and/or transmed before I found yours. I'm a nb lesbian, and even with staying pretty quiet and tailoring my online experience, up until the past few months I've seen much more nb exclusionary stuff than support. Fact of the matter is, a lot of people who tout this use the cover of "I just want an exclusive space!" Which sucks bc they're (1/?)

continued: turning the totally reasonable request of wanting a space JUST for people like them (which I totally get), into a dogwhistle, similar to how terfs post stuff that *seems* reasonable but is actually filled with transphobic ideology. This doesn't excuse people sending hate or dead bodies (jfc) by ANY means. But also as somebody who's been mocked a lot over gender and felt for years I couldn't ever identify as I am, seeing an outcropping of nb exclusionary blogs oft headed by truscum/transmed (2/?)

is.... certainly a HUGE red flag, you understand? And it's really unfair to mlm who legit just want a place on the internet to just themselves. I get that I'm not the exact same, but the experience sort of parallels so I was hoping I could offer perspective from the "other side" as it were. Maybe spreading the use of "transphobes/enbyphobes(forget the word)/truscum/transmed/etc. DNI" in banners would help? Because as it is I think that's what's causing a lot of frustration for even (3/?)

innocent nb people because we're so used to hostility, and is a breeding ground for people who can use this as an excuse to promote their harmful ideology regarding nb people. I understand now that "mlm only" is an innocent claim, but it seems to have been quickly co-opted, and it would help if there was a seen effort that showed excluding nb people on a more "fundamental" level isn't okay. Not that I'd want to be in the space of a truscum "nblx dni" person anyway, but this kind of (4/?)

breeds an environment where nb people are expected to sit down an shut up and accept growing numbers of anti-nb spaces because if we do say anything we're called out on being invasive and can't respect people's boundaries, when in actuality that's a cover intentionally being used by hateful people to simultaneously prove how bad we are and successfully lock us out of our communities. And these feelings could be avoided and hateful people quickly shut down if suggested DNI became common. (5/?)

Sorry this was so long but I felt I couldn't message because even though you seem kind, I'm afraid of not being anon because historically I've gotten hate and belittled and told to change my identity etc. whenever I try to speak up. This isn't entirely my place, but I'm hoping that suggestion could help before "mlm only" becomes common shorthand for being hateful and exclusionary like similar sentiments in nblw and wlw spaces have- that screws everyone over, including people who are (6/?)

earnest and welcoming but simply want some mlm spaces for themselves. (Also will help slow spread of indoctrination hopefully, because like how terfs prey on young lesbians, most of the nblm dni people I saw were under 20, and a lot of truscum/transmeds I see are generally young trans men who were absolutely predated on by older exclusionists). Thank you for your time, and I sincerely hope I didn't intrude. I just want these communities to be safe for all who need them. ❤ -Avery (7/7)

(also separate but sorry if that last one sent a bunch of times, I kept getting errors. extra sorry i know i can be long winded but that was like, impossible to condense, yknow? thank you for your time even if you don't feel comfortable posting that, and have a great day and hope you are doing well in these times!

alright so first i wanted to say thank you for taking the time to write your ask, im always open to answering things like this. as well, if you ever do want to dm me, i am completely open to dms and would never do anything like try to change your identity or convince you otherwise because thats just not how i roll

so getting to the content of the ask, i do agree theres a... disturbing growing trend of enbyphobia in the mlm-only community.

our specific community is small, only about 30-40 people. ive noticed about... 3 or 4 blogs that are incredibly aggressive to nonbinary people. ive been thinking of calling one out in particular that constantly posts stuff like "fuck nb people you guys cant fucking read and i dont want you on my fucking blog" (like yikes dawg). i think people like that are using the guise of mlm-only in order to treat nb people like shit, and thats not what i want our community to be about.

ive also noticed the trend of people saying things like "you cant be an nb man" and "you cant be nblm and mlm". this one has existed for a while, before all of the aggression cropped up. i think these people are pretty confused and id honestly want to have a discussion with them to see if i can educate them, or to see if they just... dont want to change their view. i dont see how invalidation of peoples personal identities belongs on a blog about liking men (newsflash, guys: you dont have to want to date them to respect them! its really easy, haha), so god knows why posts like that are made!

i think the banners would be a good idea for mlm-only blogs that are truly nb supportive, to try and weed out parts of the community that post shit like that.

tldr; anon said it was a good idea to make dni banners for mlm-only blogs that say "enbyphobes dni" and things like that, and i agreed because ive been seeing really aggressive enbyphobia in the community for a bit.

#ask #anon #long post #text heavy #not receipts

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novemberocean · 6 years

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Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 30 blogs you would like to get to know better

Tagged by: @wonderrbat thank u lov

Nickname(s): Pinkie... i havent had another nickname in a long time

Gender: Female

Zodiac: I am the most saggitatius bitch alive. literally man, my moon sun and retrograde or whatever are all saggitarius.

Height: 5′8

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate with rainbow sprinkles if i can help it

Fav band(s): Mumford & Sons, The 1975, Amber Run

Fav solo artist(s): Frank Turner, Jenny Owen Youngs, Seanan McGuire

Song stuck in my head: Doctor Who theme song

Last movie I saw: to my immense shame i think it was one of the barbie mermaid movies. (me and my friend are on a kick)

Last show I saw: Doctor Who (the season with Donna) and before that Ben 10 (because im secretly a 10 year old boy)

When did I create my blog: er 2011? i think?

What do I post: anything that catches my attention for more than two seconds at a time. usually dragon age or critical role

Last thing I googled: “ Wadjet “ its a fictional winged snake thing.... and a neopet petpet

Do I have any other blogs: yeah four of them; @cokeacolaismypatronus which is were i reblog fanfiction. @aestheticallyexcited where i reblog aesthetically pleasing things. and @whendressedinrage which is where i reblog cool quotes for later use. yeah i know thats three, youre never gonna find the fourth.

Do I get asks: almost never and it bums me out... though i have slightly more tumblr famous friends that get weird asks all the time so i guess i shouldnt complain

Why did I choose my url: its the frankenstine monster of two military shorthands. it just means NO and it sure looks pretty doesnt it?

Following: 827

Followed by: 806

Favorite color(s): forget-me-not blue, cotton candy pink

Average hours of sleep: 6-9 hoursish

Lucky number: 1314

Instrument: chello

What I’m wearing: new feux denim shirt i bought

Dream job: third grade teacher

Dream trip: New York City

Fav food: cheese manicotti

Nationality: American (two generations removed from white trash)

Fav song: Ghosts in empty houses by Jenny Owen Youngs

Last book I read: Half-Off Ragnarok by Seanan McGuire. ive been devouring this series as fast as i can con my father into using his audible credits to get them. really good. i love when big bad monster hunters scientists have strong family ties. hate me that lone wolf crap.

Last fanfic I read: ahem... Word Of Mouth

Random fact: i really like X-wings

Tagging: @laurlaurrdraws, @yo-its-matt, @livingthedragonlife, @sweetheart-sona, and any mutuals who think this looks like fun

#about me

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gwynndolin · 6 years

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if you have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, why does your sidebar also say you're gay? jw how you conceptualize that because sometimes i see people who date people of different genders like they're bi or pan but say gay. like is it in some umbrella sense or bc you're trans or? i hope this doesn't come off as being sent in bad faith. i've seen other people do it but everyone's different and I'm getting curious.

ive actually been asked this a buncha times before on my blog but its usually jus people pissed off that i say im gay despite not dating only girls/ talk about having a boy crush, etc etc. usually the anons have all been terribly vindictive and not warranting a very nuanced rssponse. in a general sense, yeah, i tend to use "gay/im gay" as an expression of attraction, typically relegated to my partners specifically (speaking of which, i do not have a boyfriend anymore, so regardless i would be kinda correct to say so now altho it disregards the fact that im in general bisexual) and considering that myself, and my partners do not necessarily fit on a spectrum in a way thats clean, theres not really any one correct way to address what the attraction to them is labled as, so the most convenient way to express it without sounding too over the top is to say gay. not that i havent been known to label myself as queer, and not that i do not care for the queer label anymore, its just that gay is a really quick shorthand that allows me to get my point across without having to explain to someone the ins and outs of how my relationship is structured and how i experience attraction.

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hermannsgayhands · 6 years

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i was talking abt this w my mom a few days ago and like im sure it wasnt an active, conscious decision like “hey lets take this incredibly rare physically disabled scifi action hero and this other guy (who he is definitely gay with) who is pretty undoubtedly ND and uh.......completely ruin their lives" but thats kind of. also the problem

im sure it wasnt an active conscious decision when the only disabled characters in anything ever at all were the cheesy villains in wheelchairs, but it was still a decision and these decisions have a real world impact. (if they didnt then we could basically just completely scrap the concept of representation in general, and also apparently the movie jaws never happened.) these decisions also show a lot of implicit bias, like, theres a reason that for a while (and still now to an extent) the only disabled characters in anything were evil, and it was because the people creating those characters couldnt envision a disabled character who was good and heroic or a protagonist or even just Not Evil, because they see disability as a bad thing, and it ends up being used as a shorthand to be like “this character is disabled, which is bad, so THEYRE ALSO bad.” subconscious decisions are still decisions and its important to examine and be critical of the decisions we make and why, especially when its wrt a marginalized group like this. implicit bias is a thing.

so i dont think it was conscious, but that also means that they werent considering the fact that disabled people are watching these movies too, which means theyre not considering what disabled people got out of the first one. hermann is so, so important to me as a disabled character. hermann in the first movie was and still is really special, because hes there, hes a SCIFI ACTION HERO, hes OUT THERE, hes not just behind the scenes, he can be kind of a dick (which is itself pretty refreshing when u take into account the angelic disabled person trope), he has a close relationship (literally however you want to look at it) with someone who doesnt coddle or baby him or act Uncomfortably Nice the way abled people do a lot of the time, because you know its a fake nice, and then hes ALIVE at the end, hes with his friend who he just saved the world with, and hes HAPPY

even now, when we are Starting to move past when the only disabled characters in anything are caricatures and villains, you also gotta look at the kinda thing we gotta deal with even in content ABOUT disabled characters thats marketed (for some godforsaken reason) to us: in me before you, a disabled person killing himself is framed as a romantic gesture. they want you to think its a good thing, and people did. in everything everything, the “””chronically ill””” character can only end up pursuing a relationship or feeling like her life is worth living when it turns out she was never chronically ill to begin with and it was actually just another case of munchausen by proxy (which is ~the big twist~ in SO MUCH SHIT LIKE THIS). so many movies with characters w chronic pain have them as addicts, when 1-people w chronic pain taking painkillers isnt addiction, even if they end up with a tolerance or having to adjust their doses, because that can happen with almost any medication, and 2-this is harmful both for people dealing with addiction and for people w chronic pain, because misinformation is never good for anyone, including 3-leading people to being denied treatment, INCLUDING 4-ive been told by TWO different nurse practitioners that i NEED to LIE if im ever in the ER, and say that i dont have one of my conditions because even if im there for something completely unrelated to pain, i will likely end up being denied treatment entirely because of how much stigma there is around chronic pain in general and around this specific diagnosis. basically: Shits Not Great and the media we consume has a huge impact on that.

pacific rim doesnt make hermann not disabled or try to sugarcoat it. theres no cure. theres no looking for a cure. hes treated like a real, full character the same as all the other characters. hes given fleshed-out relationships and he gets to be a hero. hes alive at the end. hes alive and hes happy and these things are so fucking small but even that is COMPLETELY beyond anything we can reasonably expect from like......anything. even stuff thats supposed to be about us. hermann is like if youve been trying to eat drawings of food for years and then suddenly someone throws you a multi-course meal just for funsies and youre like “Holy Shit This Is What Food Tastes Like, You Guys, Are You Aware Of This?? oh you are because youve already been eating this whole time BUT GUYS HOLY SHIT”

pacrim ended with a disabled action hero alive and happy with his friend, and since there was no guarantee or expectation of a sequel, that was just. how it ended. it ended and he was happy. but pr:u did a complete 180 and basically this is why im literally just making my own shit with my own disabled characters because it is genuinely exhausting having to deal with this even in a series where i thought i could expect Something, even if it was just for hermann to not be completely miserable and alone and deceived the entire movie. there is probably not going to be a third one, so we go from pacrim ending with a happy, alive disabled character to pacrim ending with a disabled character going through so much shit only to end up alone with basically no chance of any resolution, and not even bothering to show how hes reacting to everyone else being like “woo yay we stopped newt from killing everyone.” like their relationship can be important enough for the Drama but not enough for the followup to show how this is actually affecting the people involved.

basically pr:u treated the disabled character(s) the way i can expect everything else to treat disabled characters which was really disappointing and emotionally exhausting after what the first one gave us.

#mmmmmmm complaining #basically just what i didnt feel like putting in the tags in that post abt hermann+newt as disability representation #ill inevitably end up deleting this soon im just frustrated!

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forlornithologist · 3 years

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feelings journal :3c

that post about accepting that some people cant love you, like very literally some people are not able to and that theres no point in trying to become a person worth their love because no such person exists........very cool! been thinking about it ever since my mother visited me on my birthday, inflicted 36 hours of psychological torment on me, and left..

ive kind of blandly accepted that shes a narcissist, probably neurodivergent, with boatloads of trauma and every flavor of internalized hatred you can develop. but it was like shorthand for me. “yeah, shes a narcissist who was born sixty years ago, shes been through some shit, doesnt think she needs any sort of medicine or therapy, and thats why shes an asshole and treats other people like shit.” but lately its been like. i see the mark of the beast in everything she says and does bro.

when she gets home from work she tells anecdotes. every single one stars her as the hyperrational, hypercompetent, kind, funny, cool employee. every single one features coworkers and bosses as on the back foot in some way--theyre never as considerate as she is, always lazier, always in awe. she does voices--everyone else is snotty or vacant. when she has dialogue in the story, its calm and pleasant.

when the guy her widowed sister was dating died, my mother told me over the phone by mocking her sisters crying voice, making her sound dopey and hysterical. how fucking evil is that. i would never talk that way about my brother, and we arent even as close as they are.

when i was a kid, i told her only once that i didnt like the way she talked about my brother. that i didnt like hearing her mocking him and complaining about him constantly. that not only was it disrespectful and unkind to him, but it made me feel insecure. she about bit my head off and never stopped slagging him off.

and finally, most recently, she berated me for five minutes straight in public, spouting pure insanity that can only come with decades of conditioning her husband to accept that behavior and breaking her childrens will. and when we got to the car, i started crying as i was driving, which upset her. and she started getting tearful saying she would never mean to hurt me. not an hour after hurting me. again. every time i get visibly upset its the same thing: youre overreacting, youre too sensitive, and it was never my intention to hurt you; it hurts me to see you in pain. like......get a fucking clue. those crocodile tears mean nothing. you sound like a psychopath who starts crying to get sympathy and get out of trouble. you should feel bad. and i know that deep down you dont. thats whats jokerfies me. its like talking to someone who only understands human emotions in theory. or someone who doesnt think anyone else is real.

she doesnt have the capacity to love me, a human being, and nothing i do can change that. not because im beyond saving, but because she is.

now i just gotta like..........actually believe that.

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makalablunk13-blog · 5 years

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Woo, BLOGS!

“Is texting ruining our grammar?” “How does social media impact writing?”

These are the two questions that I’m interested in for my research project for later on the in the semester. The reason why I’m so interested in these two topics is because texting and social media was such a big part of my life during my middle school/high school years and it still is today. I honestly don’t think that I could go without texting and social media. I know that sounds a bit…I don’t know, stupid? I don’t know what word to exactly use but I don’t think that’s the one. But you know what? We’re going to go with it because it’s been a long day and my brain is just about done haha. Now by saying that, I don’t mean that I’m one of those people that are absolutely obsessed with their phone and all their social media, I’m just saying texting and social media is how I connect with all of my friends and family that are miles away from me, I’ve never really thought of texting and social media effecting the way we write. I’ve just never really seen it in a negative way, from the way I use it. But I can totally see where it would affect our grammar/writing because people get so used to shorthand words/phrases/abbreviations/etc. that when we need to write essays or whatever, we don’t know how to act when we have to writing properly and use proper grammar. I’m like really interested in these two topics for some reason. I’m kind of stressed for this whole ‘writing about writing” idea. It kind of confuses me but like I’m also interested but I’m also scared to try it out and I don’t know why. Oh well, we’ll cross that bring when we get there!

PS: Also, please enjoy this GIF of this ADORABLE kitten. I couldn’t think of one to fit my blog this time so, why not include one of a cat? I’m a sucker for cute cats :)

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topsolarpanels · 7 years

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Inside the Online School That Could Radically Change How Kids Learn Everywhere

Emily Duggan, 16, expends most afternoons at a dance studio tucked behind a shopping plaza near her home in Exeter, New Hampshire. Blond and doe-eyed, Duggan has been dancing since she was two, everything from tap to ballet. She puts in about 12 hours a week at the studio, including class and rehearsals with the dance team for weekend competitors. Duggan also prides herself on get good grades in school. But two years ago, the stress of managing both dance and academics overwhelmed her.

She was depleted and losing weight. Some nights, Duggan faced four hours of homework after a day of school and dancing that stretched into the evening, I would just break down crying and telling, I cant do this anymore! she recalled.

Her mothers concurred. In January 2015, Duggan enrolled in New Hampshires self-paced Virtual Learning Academy Charter School, joining about 200 full-time middle and high school students and about 10,000 part-timers from brick-and-mortar schools statewide who take online VLACS courses a la carte. There is no entrance exam, screening or application required to attend VLACS, which is free for any New Hampshire student.

A week afterward, theres a follow-up bellow. Thats when I ask students why theyre taking my course, and what their goals are, told Kent. Some students simply need the course credit, of course, but others have a fitness target, struggle with obesity or are athletes who want to increase their strength or overcome an injury.

Students do the bulk of their learning independently. They make their own route through online lessons, digital texts and multimedia, and follow links to extra, explanatory resources. They upload all their work. Yet the students and mothers interviewed for this story said that they have more one-on-one interactions with teachers than they did in traditional schools.

Kent opened her laptop to show the dashboard that tracks her students. She can sort them by grade or by the last time they logged into class, submitted work or checked in with her. If a student has been inactive for more than a week, Kent will reach out to see if everythings OK.

That level of educator communication was the biggest change A. J. Rando noticed when his daughter, Olivia, a secondary school student and a black belt in karate, are participating in VLACS to accommodate training and competition.

Theyre proactive about it. If youre not attaining contact every couple weeks, the emails start, telling, hey, we should talk, told Rando. His daughter added that having teachers reach out, makes it less intimidating to talk to them. That helps a lot if you need to ask a question.

VLACS middle school student Olivia Rando, 11, stands beside some of the trophies shes won as a black belt in karate.Chris Berdik

Students are also matched with a guidance counselor and an academic adviser who help them create and follow a C3( short for college, career and citizenship) readiness scheme. The guidance counselors also spot red flag that a student is struggling and offer support during the usual teenage drama. Finally, tutoring is available through four abilities coaches.

Like all VLACS teachers, Kent has office hours most days, when students can log in to her online classroom, a Skype-like interface, for one-on-one chats about assignments or feedback on a recent test.

If students genuinely need to reach Kent outside of office hours, including evenings and weekends, shell oblige. She also responds to student emails instantly, even if her teenaged students arent always so prompt.

Being ever present is paramount to building that working relationship, she told. Students need to know youre there, insuring what they do, and that you care about and support them.

VLACS physical education and wellness teacher Lisa Kent at home in Amherst, NH, appearing over an online dashboard of her current students.Chris Berdik

Competencies

On a bright, chilly March afternoon, VLACS English teacher Bette( pronounced Betty) Bramante settled into a black leather recliner for an interview at her home overlooking Great Bay on New Hampshires seacoast.

Over the years, Ive come to appreciate the capacity of every learner to excel when you let them approach a topic through their interests at a pace and style that suits them, told Bramante, who began her career in the 1970 s as a secondary school English teacher. After all, I live with a perfect example.

She was referring to her husband, Fred, who was a poor student and graduated 206 th out of 212 in his high school class. After clawing his route through college, however, he had a distinguished career in education first as a secondary school science educator( where he and Bette gratified ), then as a long-time member and chair of New Hampshires country board of education, and now as president of the nonprofit National Center for Competency-Based Learning.

‘ When you think about virtual education, its often more about efficiency and getting more students through than it is about relationships.’VLACS founder and CEO Steve Kossakoski

In 2008, during Freds tenure with the board of trustees of the education, New Hampshire became the first country to necessitate high schools to issue course credit for mastering competencies, rather than for fulfilling the requisite number of hours, days or weeks of instruction( aka seat time ). That same year, VLACS welcomed its first students.

Competencies are learning deconstructed. A single course, such as algebra, contains several competencies, which blend some core knowledge, such as understanding linear equations, with broader abilities like applied analysis or problem-solving. Instead of a C+ in algebra, for example, a competency-based report card could show that a student has mastered four algebra competencies but hasnt yet figured out quadratic functions or basic statistical analysis.

In a competency-based school, especially a virtual one, semesters “losing ones” shape. While VLACS has guidelines for course completion time and students use an online chart to track their progression, theres no bonus for mastering competencies faster than your peers or penalty for taking extra time.

During the interview, Bramante sat beside her laptop, awaiting an upcoming discussion-based appraisal with one of her students. Shorthanded as DBAs, these discussions are held for each competency. Regurgitating facts wont cut it in a DBA, during which teachers ask follow-up questions to probe students understanding and the reasoning behind their answers and decisions. Educators also ask students how they can apply that knowledge. If a student falterings, the educator will recommend that she go back and review certain course material before taking the written exam. At VLACS, the bar for mastery is a test score of 85 percentage or better.

English teacher Bette Bramante at home in Durham, NH.Chris Berdik

Performance Pays

Another big difference with VLACS is its funding source. Most virtual schools get country funding based on enrollment numbers. More students entail more revenue, and virtually three-quarters of full-time virtual students are in schools run by for-profit education management organizations.

By contrast, VLACS, a nonprofit, earns its funding based on the number of competencies mastered by its students. Heres how that breaks down, according to Kossakoski: New Hampshire allocates charter schools about $5,600 dollars a year for each full-time student, presuming the student completes six full credits. A one-credit course is one-sixth of that total, or about $933 dollars. If a student masters just half of the competencies that make up a course, for example, then VLACS earns half of the $933.

That calculation also applies to students at brick-and-mortar schools who enroll in a VLACS course to obtain competencies they are missing due to a previous incomplete or failed course, or to access advanced courses not offered at their home school. VLACSs courses are accepted for credit by every high school and many secondary school in New Hampshire.

Some outside experts question that pay-for-performance model due to the risk that teachers may thumb the scale to speed student progression.

Not merely does VLACS funding depend on competencies, so do teacher salaries, to a degree. They are based on an expectation of how many competencies their students will master over the course of a year. However, teachers can accrue bonuses by surpassing those expectations.

Some outside experts question that pay-for-performance model, either due to the risk that teachers may thumb the scale to speed student progression, or because such a system may not fully account for differences in students and subject matter.

When youre teaching high-ability students, a lot of these free market principles will bring you success, told Michael Barbour, an education professor at Sacred Heart University in Fairfield, Connecticut, who examines online learning. But if Im teaching algebra to at-risk students, the majority of whom have already failed it two or three times, then Im going to have big problems with pay-for-performance. What kind of educator will you get to teach those children?

But Larry Miller, dean of the school of education at Florida SouthWestern state college and a co-author of the 2015 Center for Reinventing Public Education study, pointed out that VLACS teachers get their base pay whether they reached their targets or not, and most bonuses are a marginal incentive, in the single digits as a percentage of total salary.

Nevertheless, Miller did find a different cause for concern over VLACSs funding model. Specifically, when students at traditional schools take a VLACS course, the country pays VLACS without subtracting any funding from the brick-and-mortar schools.

The double funding has minimise rivalry and greased the wheels of partnership between VLACS and the states other school systems. Eventually, however, it could be a budget buster. Thats something theyll have to wrestle with as their impact grows, Miller told.

Virtual Gets Real

Two years ago, the John-Zensky family crisscrossed the eastern United States for two weeks in their minivan, hitting up cities and sites.

It was epic, told Danielle John-Zensky, standing in the kitchen of her Pittsfield, New Hampshire, home, flanked by two of her children, DJ, 14, and Delaney, 16.

Before DJ and Delaney became full-time VLACS students last year, they were home-schooled. We do a lot of road journeys, Danielle told. We like to travel when the rest of the kids are in school.

During a typical weekday morning, Delaney spreads out on the living room lounge with her laptop and DJ uses the desktop computer in the kitchen. They check out the online chart that shows how theyre progressing in each course.