#because then first responders can spend their time and energy helping people who DON'T have the means or ability to evac

[manicpixiefelix]

Currently thinking about Felix Catton working a regular job just because.

Him working at Build-A-Bear 🧸🧸🧸

Felix in his gap year (shhh I know he doesn't really take one just pretend) asking his parents if he can get a casual job because he saw it on TV.

Felix who is so removed from middle-to-lower-class reality that he can romanticise the idea of a fresh-out-of-high-school teen having a job.

Felix whose parents reluctantly let him get a job at Build-A-Bear because his first choice was being a life guard, and they love him very much but don't want him liable for people's lives.

Felix who absolutely adores working at Build-A-Bear and is actually very good at it.

Felix who gets along with all of the kids who come in, and he makes all of the Building/Stuffing/Naming ceremonies for each of the kids, and can seem to tell if the kids would respond best to it being goofy, heartfelt, or if the kid might be trying to act a little bit too cool for it. Felix is naturally very good with kids I will die on this hill.

Felix who is completely oblivious to the sudden spike of teenage sisters bringing their younger siblings in.

Felix being completely oblivious to the little fanclub that he has, mostly of girls in their early teens who spend their weekends at the mall and will walk past the shop several times a day if he's in.

Felix radiating the absolute sweetest, goofiest big brother energy literally not even realising that half the girls who come into the store have a crush on him.

But also Felix who quietly gets very excited to dress the bears up to put them on display in the window.

Felix who made Venetia a bear and not only dressed it up, but gave her a few different little bear outfits. She rolled her eyes and reminded him she's twenty, but she still keeps the bear sitting on her bed every day, and sometimes he'll look in and she's changed it's little outfit.

Felix whose energy and love and joy is felt by everyone who comes into the shop because he lives to see the way each kid's faces light up when they finally get to hug their teddy at the end.

Felix working to bring kids joy and/or help them in some way is something I hold very close to my heart. I love this concept. I kind of want to draw it.

#felix catton x reader #saltburn x reader #saltburn imagine #felix catton imagine #felix catton x y/n #felix catton x you #felix cattons adventures in employment #it shouts back

[fluorescentadolescent1]

❝𝙈𝙖𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙮𝙖❞

Nanami Kento x f!reader.

:What else can a person do with their life, if they believe that the person they love does not love them back, or do they?

warnings: a little anguish, mahito, reader's traumatic adolescence etc.

2018.October 31

You shouldn't be here, you should be far away in Malaysia drinking wine and relaxing. But being a jujutsu sorcerer, you didn't know peace.

Your ears hurt from the noise around you, your head felt like it was going to explode and the blood in your nose wouldn't stop- everything felt so familiar, the desperation, the fear, the taste of death on your tongue.

Using your expansion domain had really tired you out but at least you were able to help, now you just needed to find your husband.

Your husband, the father of your daughter, your best friend, your partner, your Kento.

Running through the rubble, you heard Itadori Yuuji scream and your heart stopped for a moment.

Everything felt so familiar, suddenly 28 years of your life began to flash before your eyes.

10 years before the Shibuya Incident.

2006. November 5

Spending your time with Shoko Ieiri was more common than unusual, you were almost always a group of four with your two male friends, but you and Shoko simply completed each other.

"Oi Y/N, are you listening to me?"

Sitting on the patio stairs, you watched the two idiots who were your second-year friends and the two young first-years. But your gaze remained on one in specific.

"Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts" you murmured, looking away, Shoko raised one of her eyebrows and pointed her lollipop at you.

"In your thoughts or in the first year? I didn't think you liked people younger than you."

You rolled your eyes, it was useless to deny Shoko anything, you knew each other like the back of your hand.

" He's cute, I'll give you that, it's kinda serious but I think it's because I'm used to Gojo's immaturity." You joked, making Shoko laugh, a throat clearing made you turn around, it was Yaga-sensei.

You both jumped to your feet quickly, you were supposed to be training with the rest.

"Ladies, I'll pretend I didn't see you. Y/n, i will wait for you and Nanami in the classroom in 15 minutes. Don't be late" Yaga said walking towards said place, Shoko and you sighed, you were saved from a scolding.

Shoko nudged you and smiled mischievously, "Looks like he got you a date."

You rolled your eyes and sighed, it was going to be a long day.

Yaga assigned you a mission, quite easy really, you assumed he was testing Nanami's abilities. Usually the first years had fairly quiet missions, so you assumed you were just there in case things got out of your control.

"I'm sorry you were assigned to me. I know that you are more advanced than me, after all, you are a special grade." Nanami murmured, surprising you, the entire trip to the desolate forest he hadn't said much.

You smiled and shook your head, you continued moving forward, being attentive, "Don't worry Nanami, a mission is never completely easy, it's always useful to have extra experience."

Nanami didn't say anything, he just stared at you. You were very kind and precious in his eyes, but he couldn't help but assume that your feelings belonged to someone else.

""So tell me, would you have preferred to come with someone else?" you asked turning around, you felt the cursed energy emanating from many sides but you couldn't know for sure, being close to Nanami really distracted you.

The first year just denied, he was about to respond but out of nowhere a cursed spirit appeared climbing a tree and attacking you.

Honestly, you could use your cursed technique and it would all be over soon, but you decided to let Nanami act.

Nanami quickly pushed you to the ground, preventing the spirit from hurting you, he took out his cursed object and activated his technique, managing to hurt the spirit but not fatally as it managed to dodge the blow a little.

"Good job Nanami! Finish it now" you exclaimed, standing up from the ground smiling.

Nanami couldn't help but feel a little euphoria knowing that he was able to protect you, he followed your orders and this time he didn't miss the precision blow that killed the spirit.

You ran towards him and hugged him tightly, you were excited to see the confidence in his fight and you let yourself be carried away by the emotion. Nanami tensed for a moment making you release him.

"Sorry Nanami, the euphoria of the moment, but you did very well!"

Nanami again just nodded and followed you back to the car. As he watched you walk in front of him and talk about what you wanted to eat for dinner, he touched his cheeks as he felt them hot.

He assumed it was just because of the fight.

Months later, Nanami learned that he hated seeing you cry. He never thought that a mission with Gojo and Geto could go wrong, but that damn mission ruined everything.

Haibara and Nanami watched as the three of you arrived with a serious and cold countenance, but Nanami could only watch you. Haibara stopped to talk to Geto but you kept going, not bothering to talk to them.

You were heading to your room, the whole mission was a disaster. Riko's death, seeing Gojo "dead" on the ground full of insects on him, Geto's fury, a guy didn't hesitate to stab you in the stomach.

If Geto didn't find you on the ground bleeding, it was almost certain that you would die.

You were barely 17 years old, everything felt very unreal, all the scenes were playing in your head, tears filled your eyes.

You couldn't help but relive the smell of Gojo's blood, the sharp pain in your stomach, how the light faded from Geto's eyes after seeing Riko dead.

You crouched down with your head in your hands and began to hyperventilate, you heard footsteps behind you and activated your cursed technique in paranoia, if you had done it last time, maybe it would have been more useful.

Your cursed technique could alter the mobility of any being, with the condition that they became slower and you became faster, the weaker they were the better, the stronger they were it cost you a little more.

Nanami stayed still, he didn't want to upset you any more than you already were. Upon recognizing him you deactivated your technique.

"I'm sorry"

Nanami's words were silent, you wouldn't have known he spoke them if you weren't looking at his face. Your face was full of your tears, the pain evident in your eyes, and your silence scared him.

Usually between the two of you, you were always the one who brought up topics of conversation and it didn't bother you that he didn't talk much so when he didn't hear a response from you, he approached slowly, careful not to scare you.

You closed your eyes as you felt the heat of his body surround you, you rested your head on his chest and cried harder. Nanami just held you tighter to him, it really hurt him to see your broken spirit.

"I was so scared Nanami, seeing the one who is supposed to be the strongest so hurt and miserable, it made me believe that I would have no more chance to live. Then the damn son of a bitch hurt me, from one moment to the next I was lying on the ground."

Nanami nodded and was a little stung by your comment about Gojo, he understood your crying as fear of losing him.

"I'm so sorry y/n, you're too young to have experienced that. But you said it yourself, every mission is an experience, and you will be stronger now."

Nanami's words calmed you a little, he grabbed your face in his hands and wiped the tears from your cheeks, "Better?"

You looked at him for a moment, and the temptation to kiss him was great, but not enough, "A little, thank you, Nanami."

Nanami hugged you again and you didn't need him to tell you anything else, in his hug he communicated many things.

The main one was "you are not alone"

You realized that you also hated seeing Nanami Kento cry.

After Riko's incident, you became much closer, Nanami getting along more and more with you. You didn't know whether to blame it on Haibara's personality rubbing off on him or it was simply because he liked you.

You were in your room reading when Shoko entered your room pale and agitated from running to you, you closed your book and looked at her with concern, you knew that the first years had gone on a mission.

'It's Haibara, he..." Shoko couldn't finish the sentence and bit her lips, you got up and hugged her, feeling her sob, Haibara Yu was a very warm person and his loss was felt between you.

You couldn't help but ask about Nanami, Shoko smiled wiping her eyes, "He's fine, he's in the morgue with Geto, go see him, im sure he needs to talk."

You made sure Shoko was okay, leaving a kiss on her cheek you ran to the morgue, when you arrived you saw Nanami Kento close the door behind him.

Your heavy breathing caught his attention and he turned to look at you, you noticed his red eyes.

"Nanami, I'm so sorry, Shoko already informed me."

You approached and Nanami looked away so you stopped, you noticed his face was serious as always but this time you felt hostility towards you.

"I'm so sorry Nanami, he didn't deserve that, Shoko told me that Gojo finished the mission, it should have been a mission for us, not you."

Your words made Nanami look mocking, he rolled his eyes and looked at you coldly, "You're right. It was supposed to be an easy mission but it wasn't, maybe if your stupid boyfriend acted when he was supposed to do it, he would still be alive"

It was evident that Nanami was saying those words to hurt you, you understood that each person had a grieving process, but you were not going to let him crush your feelings.

"First of all, I don't know what boyfriend you're talking about. Second, missions are supposed to be assigned according to rank, it's not my fault you guys weren't up to the task."

You were being unfair, and you knew it. But your feelings were hurt, you supposed you had to do the same.

Nanami approached you and looked you straight in the eyes, you didn't feel scared because you knew he would never hurt you, "Don't stand here and talk about survive to a mission when you experienced the exact same thing, you survived that mission thanks to Geto according to you. You're no better than us y/n, we're all trying to survive here."

With those words you saw him walk away from you, and this time you didn't follow him.

2007. April 24

You lasted exactly five months without speaking to Nanami, and he didn't do anything to speak to you either. You were both very stubborn, but you were still his weakness.

You were again on the stairs that led to the patio, you bit your lips waiting for news from Geto, according to what someone reported, he had massacred a village and even murdered his own parents.

You couldn't understand that your sweet friend could have done something so cruel and inhumane. Gojo had called and announced that officially, Geto Suguru has deserted.

Your friend Suguru, who told you to confess your feelings to Nanami, who let you comb his hair, who was such a good person.

You didn't understand.

A few steps made you turn in another direction, wiping the tears from your face, you were tired of people seeing you cry. That someone sat next to you and you were silent. You didn't need to look to know who it was.

"I guess you already know. 112 deaths were reported in the village he visited" you bit your lips and nodded, you had nothing to say.

""I'm sorry for what I said to you that day, it was inappropriate and you didn't deserve that."

You honestly didn't have the head to process Nanami's apology, you just nodded again and looked to the side.

"It's okay, we're fine, I'm also sorry for reacting like that, I had to be more understanding."

Nanami didn't say anything else, he just grabbed one of your hands and held it, startling you. You had forgotten that he was already more trusting with you, making you blush.

You looked at him and knew that a question that needed to be spoken rested on his tongue.

Nanami opened his mouth but a voice and footsteps silenced him.

"And what is this supposed to be? Don't tell me Nanamin that you proposed a date to y/n."

Gojo Satoru stood tall in front of them with a mocking smile, next to him was a boy with a serious face.

You didn't understand how he of all people could be so well off.

"Now you also kidnap children?That's low even for you" you said releasing Nanami and standing up to approach the boy.

"Oh yn-chan, don't say those things in front of Megumi-chan, you'll leave him with a bad impression of me."

"Don't worry, I already have it"

You laughed and Gojo gasped indignantly.

The blonde also stood up and had a grim face, he didn't appreciate Gojo's arrival.

He supposed it was for the best that you didn't know about his feelings, after all, you even had your little family without him.

2009. February 18

At twenty years old, life had a bittersweet taste. You were still a sorcerer, you helped Gojo raise the son of the man who gave them immense trauma.

God knows that Fushiguro Megumi had no sin, he was a stubborn and sweet child, he needed help in life. And also Gojo.

But you knew that you weren't Geto's replacement.

You and Shoko were still as close as ever, except now she was working as a doctor and you were still going on missions.

It had been a year since you had seen Nanami, he had left the world of jujutsu and you understood his reasons.

You know well that Haibara's death hit him deep, like everyone else, and you heard from Gojo that he now works in an office, how pathetic.

It was an ordinary and bright day, rarely you didn't have a mission but Gojo did, so he asked you if you could take care of Megumi and his sweet sister Tsumiki.

The children were in their respective classes, so you decided to stop by a bakery to buy sweets. Their school was close to the central area, thanks to the money Gojo spent on them. You had to admit, Gojo really tried for those kids.

You entered and a girl helped you, it was the first time you were there on Gojo's recommendation. The girl was very sweet and friendly, she reminded you of people from the past.

When you were about to pay the bell at the door announced a new buyer, the girl greeted him with familiarity, curiosity got the better of you and you turned around.

You were surprised. Nanami Kento had definitely grown in a year, he was taller and his once thin body was now more muscular, you liked it.

Feeling your gaze, you noticed how his eyes were surprised and you smiled. Some things remain the same.

"Well well, but who do we have here? the second deserter" You joked, elbowing him, up close you could notice how wide he became.

Nanami shook his head and adjusted his tie, feeling nervous out of nowhere, "I've never seen you here. Only Gojo, do you do his shopping now too?"

Ok Nanami didn't want to sound so bitter, the comment slipped out and you could tell his regret so you let it go.

"Actually, I buy for the children, today I take care of them" You said paying, you waited for him to finish his purchase watching the girl's smile towards him and you couldn't help but frown.

You both left the store and stood there, once again your curiosity got the better of you, "So, do you come here often for the sweets or for the girl?"

Nanami was surprised to hear your question, were you jealous of him? It doesn't make sense, after all you were the one who got engaged to someone else.

"If you must know, both."

You nodded, smiling with an undeniable ardor in your heart. You couldn't blame him for moving on with his life, after all, everyone had.

'That's good, I see you moved on from your past life quickly" your comment shouldn't have sounded like that either, it just did, but Nanami didn't let it go.

The blonde man approached you with a frown, this time you couldn't help but feel intimidated by his large figure.

"Which past life? Y/n, i remember all the days, all the missions, all the pain. They took our adolescence from us." You bit the inside of your cheek, and Nanami continued, "You can't blame me for trying to build a new life when you did it first."

Nanami turned to leave but this time you didn't let him, you went around him and stood in front of him. "What the hell are you talking about? Explain yourself"

Nanami snorted and crossed his arms, he looked kind of funny with a baguette in his arms, "You know what I'm talking about."

If there is any god who gives you patience, why were you going to kill this man.

"Stop talking shit and explain yourself, you always do this, say something and walk away. Not this time, tell me what you mean" you said getting closer to him and Nanami didn't back away.

Nanami set his jaw and let out a stressed sigh, "Oh you don't know what I'm talking about, of course. You've cried for Gojo Satoru all your life, you were the one who now has a family with him. You never even considered me and now that I'm moving on and forgetting you, you decide to judge me for it. It's not fair."

You were speechless, you always had the sneaking suspicion that Nanami thought you liked one of your friends, but you never believed that the idiot was capable of thinking that.

"Nanami Kento, you are an idiot."

Nanami was ready to respond, but your lips on his silenced him. Surprised, it took him a second to respond to the kiss, but he quickly followed it, showing how much he wanted you.

""Wait, I can't do this, Gojo is an idiot but he doesn't deserve this."

You couldn't help but laugh, "I never liked Gojo, I always liked you. And I adore the children, but our relationship with Gojo is strictly about them. Our friendship and Shoko's is the last thing we have left, I don't like him. nor me to him"

Those words were a cool summer breeze for him, this time Nanami hugged you, lifting you off the ground, making you laugh.

You separated from him a little and asked about the girl at the bakery.

""I helped her free herself from a curse, her spirit reminds me of him."

You understood who he was talking about and you smiled sadly, hugging him again.

His hug communicated many things. This time he said, "Please be mine."

2017. December 18

Peace reigned in your comfortable home, you were preparing homemade dough to receive your husband with pizza.

Your 3-year-old daughter was sleeping soundly in her room, every so often you checked on her on the monitor that your controlling husband needed. You have to admit that it also helps you do things around the house.

You are still a jujutsu sorcerer, only now you worked more as a teacher since d/n was born.

You usually spent your mornings with the students, d/n in kindergarten or sometimes accompanied you, and your husband worked until it was time to pick her up.

Your husband. It had been 5 years since you got married and it still tickled you to call him that.

In 2013, after being together for 4 years, he surprised you with an romantic dinner and asked you to marry him. The wedding was also very intimate , only the people close to you.

In 2014 you received your little daughter, who was an identical copy of your husband. Everything seemed to have finally fallen into place, you were happy and lived as peacefully as you could.

You smiled, lost in your thoughts, so much so that you didn't feel arms surround your waist, startling you. Behind you, your husband laughed.

"Don't worry, love, I didn't want to scare you." Nanami Kento placed a tickling kiss on your neck, "Is everything okay?"

You sighed contently into his arms, "Yes, I'm sorry, I got lost in my head."

Nanami nodded and went to check on d/n who was starting to wake up. You turned off the pan with your sauce and followed him.

In your daughter's room, there were plenty of toys courtesy of her uncle Gojo and her aunt Shoko, both of them always took care of her on the days when you and Nanami went out to eat.

You opened the door slowly and found your husband with your daughter in his arms, she was always a daddy's girl, and you wouldn't change it for the world.

"How did you behave with mom, honey, okay?" d/n nodded smiling and Nanami left a kiss on her cheek making her explode with laughter, "Of course you behaved well, if you're an angel."

You laughed, denying, making your presence known, d/n saw you and stretched out her arms for you to pick her up, to which you agreed, "An angel who already broke his uncle's third pair of sunglasses"

Kento laughed, "Gojo is literally rich, his only expense is Fushiguro but that kid doesn't bother him"

"Uncle Gojo!! He promised he would bring cookies" D/n said, remembering her uncle's promise.

You and Nanami looked at each other disapprovingly, it was inevitable that Gojo secretly gave the little girl sweets, thousands of times you scolded him for it but he never learns.

"How about after dinner, you finish all your vegetables and I'll see if I can find something sweet for you, how does that sound?" Nanami knew that d/n would never pass up an opportunity like that, he laughed when he saw her celebrating with you.

He approached and hugged them. Something you shared with your daughter was a love for Nanami Kento's hugs.

He placed a kiss on your foreheads and smiled, looking at you warmly, "Thank you."

2018. June 16

Shoko Ieri loved playing with your daughter, she always said that she was very smart for her age, now that she was 4 years old she was more perceptive and you suspected that she could already feel the cursed energy.

You were in Shoko's office until you received a call from Nanami, worrying you since it was work hours.

"Hi baby, everything okay?"

"Gojo called me, offered me a job again."

You talked to him about it many times, but he never wanted to come back. You always knew that the office bored him to death and that his heart was in Jujutsu, so you assumed that Gojo Satoru also perceived the same.

"Well, I don't know what to say, you left me speechless" there was no response from the other side, "Listen Kento, I will support you in whatever you decide. Do what makes you happy, you are an excellent sorcerer and a good person. These children could use a little of your stoic character."

Even on the phone you could feel the smile forming on his lips.

"Thank you my love, we will talk at home. I hope everything turns out well."

2018. October 31

Hearing Itadori's scream was like seeing Gojo lying on the ground again, blood pouring out of his body.

You were quite far away but you could see well.

Nanami Kento, with half of his body burned, without an eye, looked towards where Itadori was, in front of him was Mahito touching him.

The tears were stuck without coming out, you saw Nanami's lips move towards Itadori and your heart crushed.

And what you feared most happened.

You saw it all in the front row, blood splashing, his body destroying itself under Mahito's command.

This time you didn't scream, nor did your tears come out, you were already tired of crying.

Your soul was on fire and there was no one to quench the hatred you felt inside you. Was this what Geto once felt?

You stood still before the scene, you heard Itadori scream again and that was when without realizing it you began to move forward.

Mahito saw you coming after Itadori and smiled macabrely, as if he was proud of what he had done.

"Itadori"

The boy turned around and you could see that the scene had also affected him, you felt his body tremble with anger.

""Together" you announced and the young man nodded with determination, both began to run towards the curse that awaited for you with a smile.

You really didn't know what you were going to tell your daughter, or if Gojo had a plan to stop this madness, or if you were even going to come out alive.

You just knew that you weren't going to let your husband die in vain.

And after finishing Mahito, you were going to travel with d/n to Malaysia.

n/a: I hope you like it, I'm going to make a version for Geto and Toji for sure.

#jujutsu kaisen #nanami x reader #nanami smut #nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x fem reader #nanami kento angst #nanami angst #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk spoilers #kento nanami #jujutsu kaisen smut

[vyl3tpwny]

parasocial2, or, the complications of my social anxiety + growing self + motivation & stress management amidst all these things.

a while ago i wrote on here about parasocial relationships and things of the sort. it was an unorganized ramble, and so this will be also.

Growing Self

something i have to live with is that in my past, i have been an excruciatingly unbearable, egomaniacal cunt. honestly i still have anger issues sometimes. and a lot of the time i take everything EXTREMELY personally. but at least i understand these things about myself better now.

i have a hard time pushing people away or giving space to myself because sometimes i feel like i owe everyone my personal space. like i don't deserve personal space because of how much of a massive bitch i've been; the baggage i've created for myself and the pain i've inflicted on other ppl means that i should have to sell my personal space out to everyone and anyone who asks for it, avoiding risk of being seen as an asshole for pushing people away and asking for space alone.

and yet i find it hard to do anything sometimes. i will wake up to 400 notifications of people asking me high executive or personal questions, needing my help or opinion with something, trying to show me something that i don't have the energy to respond to, and stuff. because of this thing i am and live with, i continue to feel like i have to spend a lot of time trying to figure out something meaningful to say. it takes so much time and willpower and by the end of it i just don't feel like doing anything anymore. it kills my ability to work or go do things or go outside or talk to anyone i actually want to talk to.

it sucks. because there are (a.) a handful of people i could probably talk to every day and it's fine; there are maybe like 15-20 people who fit this category. there is another (b.) sect of people, a very large amount of people, who i can handle speaking to occasionally. then there are (c.) people who i don't know, don't want to know, or used to know. i've labeled them accordingly.

B.

with the people in group ".b", ppl i can only rlly talk to occasionally, it's hard because usually these people are friends or acquaintances and i enjoy the company of sometimes and i can find something to talk about with sometimes. however, usually i do not have the energy to talk to them. i often have a status indicator on my discord, for example, stating that i only want to speak to people i have business with or are very close friends. people in group ".b" tend to be the first and most frequent trespassers of this request. it's very hard to disengage with these conversations or messages because i don't want to hurt their feelings, and it's not like i dislike these people. but a very very very VERY large percentage of people i think don't actually understand how i am.

i have always been someone who values being alone. of course, i couldn't live in isolation i think. but i've always valued just being by myself. i go out most places alone and i will often not participate in any social activity for days, weeks at a time. i think the best when i'm alone and i usually start thinking the most creatively when i'm alone.

so to people in group ".b", it's hard to really establish: "I want to be alone most of the time, don't talk to me", without it seeming like a negative thing. it's not that i don't care or that i dislike these people. i just get overwhelmed and sensory overload easily. and when i'm waking up to over a hundred messages, i don't feel extremely motivated to find the energy. i find it hard to ask for that, especially because of how it can be perceived negatively in light of how toxic i have been in the past as well. idk.

C.

but then there are people in group ".c". people i don't know. people i don't want to know. and people i used to know. that's kind of broad. but they all feel the same to me. this is where it's less about social anxiety and more about perceiving the parasocial construct in front of me.

something i struggle with, among all other things, is why? why constantly vie for the attention of someone who doesn't want to talk to you. what joy is there in seeking a one-sided relationship? it confuses me profoundly. if i speak to someone and they don't return the same enthusiasm or level of interaction, i just leave them alone after that. i'm not going to try and be friends with someone who has other things to do and other friends to be with. so why is it that it feels constantly like there are people who want to call me their 'friend' and want to seek out a connection with me when i'm not reciprocating that in any way. i especially don't feel like the most unique, interesting person in the world. if i'm not interested in connecting, i'm sure there are way more interesting people than me to even talk to. so why does it have to be me? i'm just a person.

anyway. it gets very difficult to disengage with people in group ".c". again, part of it is because i'm overly aware of how i can come across, especially given my past toxicity. however, with these people it gets much more complicated. often i find that the people who form parasocial interests in me also happen to be people who a predisposition to hurt themselves and sometimes those around them. i still struggle with the trauma of someone who faked their suicide and blamed me for just not talking to them even though i didn't know them at all. so not only do i feel the need to delicately balance not upsetting people in group ".c" because they may guilt trip me over what i've grown out of, i'm also afraid of them hurting themselves or hurting other people.

to the people who aren't in the extreme ends of that. it's still difficult because a lot of the times i will openly express my social (or lack thereof) needs very transparently. and they will still continue to try and reach me. i don't really know what else to do, because if i block them it will seem so much more drastic and upsetting, because the people in this group tend to not want to think in any neutral or balanced sense.

there are people who i have ignored the messages of for quite literally several years. and they will still message me consistently as if unreciprocated message 70 is going to prompt me to finally respond.

There is No Middle Horse

I do everything. I write, compose, arrange, perform (vocals and instruments), produce, mix, and master all of my music.

I do all my management. There is nobody who manages for me.

I do all of the utility work that comes with being a public musician entity.

There is no middle horse.

And I will not compromise that just to solve these parasocial and social anxiety issues.

still i feel the need to either deal with or humour every whim of people in group ".b" and group ".c", just to avoid coming off as an asshole and to avoid people hurting themselves and others. i don't really know how to solve this honestly. other than just ignoring people or communicating my needs openly, i don't see any other route.

the fact remains that i have been a cunt in the past. i have been extremely toxic and caustic. therefore, i see that part of myself when i consider blocking someone or desiring to make my needs clear and my boundaries transparent. dunno.

i'm extremely tired. and my energy is sucked out by people in groups ".b" and ".c". to the point where i never get to hang out with people in groups ".a" much anymore, the people i really really want to be around and talk to. i want to have energy to actually talk to my friends. but i don't. i'm busy selling my soul i think.

i am slightly antisocial. but mostly i'm tired and like being on my own.

honestly i'd like to know what other people think. and i am in therapy for this and many other things now. but it helps to know what other people think anyway.

sorry this sucks!

#vyop

[qqueenofhades]

Can you please explain how the myth that "CoNsErVaTivEs ArE gOoD fOr TeH EcOnOmY!" Came to be? I know it's propaganda but just don't get how it's stuck around.

Several reasons:

1) Ronald Fucking Reagan. (I mean, when in doubt, blame Reagan and you have a 95% chance of being correct.) In the late 1970s, America (along with the rest of the world) was in a profound economic crisis. This wasn't necessarily the fault of Democratic president Jimmy Carter, but as the incumbent usually does, he took all the blame for it, and was generally perceived as responding inadequately to the energy woes as well as the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan and the Iran hostage crisis. Reagan, running on the slogan -- you guessed it -- "Make America Great Again" -- won in a landslide in 1980 and immediately instituted what has been known ever after as "trickle-down" or "supply-side" economics, which started the tradition of Republican fiscal "policy" as it is as today. Aka, giant tax cuts for rich people and big corporations, and the business end of the free-market fuckstick for everyone else. Despite massively running up the deficit and hiking taxes on working- and middle-class people no less than twelve times during his eight years as president, Reagan left office with the laurels of a Great Economic Reformer and every president since has been pressured to follow his lead to some extent. Biden is the first ever post-Reagan president to explicitly denounce Reagonomics as what it is. To wit, a get-richer-at-the-expense-of-everyone-else massive scam that has been sold as the height of Responsible Economics for decades, because capitalism!

2) Every Republican president ever since has tried to do the same thing, with the result that... welp, they crash the economy. We all remember what happened in 2008 as the result of Dubya Economics, right? Or the Trump tax cuts that added literal trillions to the deficit, while Biden has reduced it by $1.4 trillion in his first year alone. The Republicans act like cutting government spending alone is responsible economics, and a compliant corporate media owned by ultra-rich oligarchs who personally benefit from GOP policies is often only too happy to play along. So we are made to exist in this fantasy land where cutting massive amounts of revenue and forcing working-class people to carry the tax burden for the super-rich, aside from being morally reprehensible, somehow has a) no effect on the budget, and b) doesn't actually and massively affect the quality of life and smooth functioning of the entire country in generational and long-lasting ways. You would think that for people who profess to be such big fans of capitalism, they would know that it takes money to run a country effectively, and investment in critical public, health, and infrastructure services. But all they want to do is get richer for themselves, not help people, so lololol.

3) As discussed, the Democrats (despite being by any reasonable metric the more fiscally responsible party) have been labeled Big Spenders, because -- gasp -- they dare to expand government spending and social programs, rather than just slashing everything they can get their hands on. Yet again, because of forty Fucking years of Reagonomics and its successors, any spending at all is viewed as "irresponsible" and "too ambitious," while creating giant black holes in the budget to the tune of trillions of dollars is the Party of Fiscal Responsibility! It's like a kindergartner's idea of responsibility, where you just throw out everything. An adult would recognise that "responsibility" encompasses many different areas and goals, but good luck with that.

4) Every Democratic president that has come into office after a Republican has inherited an ungodly economic mess that they then get blamed for not fixing fast enough. The Republicans like to blow it all up and then fundraise and campaign on Democrats Being Bad For The Economy (That We Broke In the First Place, But Shh).

5) As I also said in the previous post: It's The Racism, Stupid. Democrats' social programs and government spending is designed to help people of color along with white people, and that is unacceptable to the white people who would otherwise benefit from these policies, but refuse to support them out of white grievance and racial resentment. As noted, the media is often more than happy to push the Democrats Bad For The Economy narrative, because all the companies and super-rich people who control and set this narrative don't want Democratic policies to ever be widespread or popular or authentically supported. Because then they themselves might be impacted, and might make less money or pay a lot more in taxes. Horrors.

Anyway, yes. There you have it. It is deeply stupid on many levels. Alas.

#anonymous #ask #politics for ts #ronald reagan burn in hell

[system-of-a-feather]

Regarding ESDM

If there is anything I have to take about my first two weeks working in a clinic that does ESDM and has a strong and loud focus on trauma-informed care and strong and firm rules against basically any form of punishment, it's that I am honestly really impressed and honestly amazed at how genuinely comfortable, enthusiastic, and okay all the kids I've seen across two different clinic locations are to interacting with new people.

Like, coming from the perspective as someone who knows a lot about trauma, developmental psychology, developmental trauma, attachment theory, and just general autism, I think more than ANYTHING else, that that singular sign gives me a lot of security that this is something that is actually being helpful and having a good impact on the kids.

I don't really have the energy to go into it, but its such a clear sign of understanding that adults are supposed to be there to support, care, respond to needs, and create a positive and fun environment for children and with how LITTLE stress almost every kid I've seen goes through when they meet a new technician or an observer is just...

I don't even see this in neurotypical school settings and I'm honestly really just... surprised to see this not only in a setting where every kid has autism and where most kids with autism are adverse to some level change and transitions and new stimuli.

Like I've been a completely new face to the clinic, but introduced by familiar faces as a new friend. And I just?? Really think its really nice to see a bunch of kids readily trusting the world to be their friend if someone they know and trust says that they are a friend.

My traumatized ass has a small part in my brain that goes "no but if they trust people so easily, they are being set up to be abused and [redacted trauma]" but honestly... 1) the practicality of that thinking is not good as it would imply that we SHOULD make them distrust the world and think of the world as hostile for their safety which I disagree with and 2) distrusting the world really didn't save me any abuse and very directly put me at higher risk for it; so as much as a little part of my brain whispers that its dangerous for a kid to feel safe in the world, overall I'm just... so in awe.

It's also really kind of amazing how readily we see staff just teaching co-regulation and comforting the kiddos and meeting them where they're at and honoring even the most unclear attempts at communication???

Like... honestly? I'm feeling very good about working here albeit my general burn out that lowkey got MURDERED by one really cute client that reminds me way too much of me as a kid that I get to close my work day with like three times a week.

I still don't know how much of this is the model and how much of this is the clinic so I can't generalize and say that ESDM is never a problem, but I'd honestly enthusiastically send my younger self here, if I had them - I'd send my kids here, and I'd recommend this clinic at the very least to any of my peers.

I don't think I can publicly name the clinic I work at both for anonymity sake and also because I'm not sure if its allowed but.... man. I really haven't ever seen so many kids having responsive care and showing that they spend a lot of time in a highly responsive "daycare" center that explicitly helps teach emotional regulation and care with an assumed trauma background.

#esdm #early start denver model #actuallyautistic #actually autistic

[rabbitenn]

MATCHUP FOR THE LOVELY @yaminohimeyume

hello, dear and thank you for being my first matchup request on this blog! i really hope you like it <3

i re-read the info you had previously sent and i just knew who to pair you with! i hope the matchup is to you liking

your idolish7 matchup is someone you could easily compare to the sun; full of energy and encouragement to give others, yet inevitably succumbing to the cruel voices of insecurity sometimes. like you, there is nothing he wouldn't do for the people he loves. in contrast to your reserved nature, however, carrying a conversation is no problem to him, as he is right in his element so long as talk goes on.

i think with this, you can have a pretty good idea of who i have in mind as your perfect match hehe ~ well, why don't we see who's waiting for you backstage?

♡ IZUMI MITSUKI

There is no doubt that Mistuski is a positive beam of sunlight. I believe that is an aspect of his personality that would help you get out of your shy and not fond of socializing shell. Mitsuki is but pure intentions and honesty, often wearing his emotions on his sleeve, so he could be the one to aid you when memories of past experience cause for you to silence yourself.

With him, you wouldn’t have to be afraid to speak up either. You mention you tend to keep to yourself, only responding when asked directly, but truth is, as much as Mitsu is great at carrying a conversation, he wants to hear what you have to say! Whether it is about music, writing and reading or astrology, he stares at you starry eyed, entranced by the glow in you when you speak about what you’re passionate about.

Which brings us to a point you have in common: voice acting.

And who would’ve thought, you and your boyfriend would end up getting roles to voice main characters in a well known anime…

—

An excited ring on your doorbell pulls you out of your daze.

Hands still slightly shaking, you put down the script you were holding, almost afraid that, if you let it go, the magic will vanish and you’ll find yourself watching as this dream crumbles down right before your eyes.

With a couple of deep breaths, you exit your room, making your way to your apartment’s door.

The moment you open it, it feels as if the sun itself had entered your home.

Calls of your name surround you, as a flash of orange rushes past your vision, before materializing in the form of familiar arms wrapped around your form.

Your widened gaze relaxes, replaced by matching crescents on your lips and eyes, as you return the hug.

“[Y/n]! [Y/n]! Mitsuki exclaims, as he practically jumps up and down, his hands linked with yours. “Guess what? You wouldn’t believe this!”

An airy laugh escapes you, as you pat his head softly, strands of molten sunsets silky against your hand.

“What is it, Mitsu?” You giggle, guiding him to sit on your couch. His eyes are almost aglow, akin to the last stars of dawn reflected over a sunlit pond.

“Okay, okay…” He sighs, lids briefly fluttering closed, as he exhales, one of his hands on his chest, grounding himself. “I’ve been casted in Magical Cocona!” Your lover announces, elation brimming in his tone.

Your widening gaze followed by a bright smile are the first answer he gets.

“Oh my god! That’s great news! Ah!! I’m so happy right now!” You celebrate, before leaving a sweet kiss, fleeting, against his lips. “I told you, you have talent, Mitsuki.” You smile, your faces barely inches apart.

“I still can’t quite believe it!” He laughs, one of his hands tucking a stray lock of hair away from your face.

“Believe it, because it’s very real.” You utter, tenderly tapping his smiling lips. “Now do you want to know what makes me even happier about this?” You grin, a little bashful. “We’ll get to spend more time together, you know… I’ve been cast to voice Cocona!” You announce, with a shy smile.

Then, the most radiant smile you’ve ever seen draws on your boyfriend’s adorable face, as both of his hands hold onto yours.

“Really? We get to work together?” He swings your intertwined hands. “Now I’m even happier!” The idol nuzzles into your side, and as he looks up at you, tears of joy swim at the corners of his vision. “I feel like… a dream has come true…” Mitsuki confesses, as you stroke his bright hair with care.

“So do I, my love.” You whisper, as you lean your cheek on top of his head. “How does practicing together sound to you?”

“Let’s get this show started!” Comes his peppy response.

And so, blue morning skies fade to the coppery hues of early sunsets, as both your voices sway to the symphony of glimpses into a million dawns together.

—

Another reason that makes me think you and Mitsuki are a good match is that he’s your biggest hypeman. No matter what is it you’re doubting yourself about, his radiant energy and sunny demeanor are enough to put your mind at ease. As we all know, he is also skilled with his words, so he always knows how to reassure you in dire situations.

Speaking of which, sometimes he’s not the most confident ever either. And this time around, it is you who can comfort him. You’re a good listener and like helping others, offering Mitsuki a nurturing embrace, a safe haven where he can drop his smile for a few moments and compose himself, until the curve of his lips is genuine again.

Loyalty is another attribute you and Mitsuki have in common. Similarly to you, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for his friends and the people he loves, so you two would be on the same page in that aspect.

Mitsuki also sees past your cool and collected facade, he just knows there is way more to it than just your practised poise. He knows there’s a whole world full of emotions that you keep safely stored inside your heart, and he’ll be the one to access it little by little, as you find your mind wandering to memories of his warm smiles more often than not.

With him, you’d never have to be afraid of approaching or bothering him in any way! Shortly after meeting you, Mitsuki just knew he wanted to have more moments with you as time went on. You became the first one he shared any news with; he learned how to cook all your favorite dishes; and he was always asking for your input on other topics, as well as likes and dislikes. Akin to an early summer breeze, his presence began to linger with you, frigid lonely days melting away in the light he offers.

If we focus on both yours and his mbti, well you two are quite compatible. As an enfj, Mitsuki seeks meaningful connections, an example of this is seen when he tells Yamato he doesn’t want “an average friendship” with him. That is a trait, you as an infj share too.

Both you and Mitsuki strive to get a good understanding of what the other needs and of each other’s emotions. In addition, both types are very empathetic, differing in the way to show it: enfjs are more direct and communicative, oftentimes voicing their affection, and Mitsuki is a great example of that; whereas you as an infj show your lover through quiet actions. I can see this as a very good balance between the both of you, given that he deserves to feel appreciated, and like someone’s first choice, while his verbal compliments are the boost that you need when you feel insecure.

You’re an aries and that is quite compatible with Mitsuki’s sign: pisces. Both signs share their generosity and seek their partner’s happiness above all else, making for a romance filled with passion and without a single boring moment.

Considering all the stated reasons, you and Mitsuki would be a very supporting loving couple: you share similarities, but are opposites in some aspects, which ties you both into a healthy and durable bond.

♡ RUNNER UP: YAOTOME GAKU

While he may seem intimidating, the truth is he’s actually one of the greenest flags you can encounter.

He’s honest, just, caring and protective in a healthy manner.

That is why I do believe he’d really pair well with your more initially closed off nature. With him, you wouldn’t have to be afraid to make mistakes or being belittled. Gaku really is a gentleman, and will do everything in his power to make you feel loved and cared for.

He is deeply loyal too; honestly he’d never ever betray your trust. You are his priority, no matter how many fans flock around him or how many rumors circulate, every night he wants nothing more than to come home to you.

He always makes sure to text you or call you too when he’s away for concerts and tours. Hearing his voice late at night, or just seeing one of his ‘I love you, my darling’ texts is enough to make you feel closer to him. He never wants you to feel lonely again, and he tries his best.

You’re very honest, even if sometimes you use white lies to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. And your honesty is something Gaku highly values.

Your relationship with him would definitely be a solid one, built on mutual trust and undying loyalty.

#idolish7 #idolish7 x reader #idolish7 matchups #idolish7 imagines #idolish7 fluff #ainana #ainana x reader #izumi mitsuki #yaotome gaku

[wildglitch]

SecurityGuard! Denki AU

"So...my job Is to just watch these robots all night?" Denki asked skeptically to the man in front of him.

Said man just gave a too wide smile to the younger boy, sending goosebumps down his spine "Of course! With your 'quirk', you'll be perfect for the job!" He responded, walking Denki thought the old abandoned building that looked like an 80's time capsule

When Denki set out to find a summer job so his aunt wouldn't send him back to Japan, he was prepared to do just about anything to get the money to pay the"Summer Rent" his aunt makes him pay that allows him to stay at her house in Hurricane Utah. But as he looked around at the deteriorating building and the rusting old robots or 'Animatronics' that stood in front of him, he couldn't help but feel a sinking pit in his stomach and a little voice in the back of his head telling him to run.

Looking down at the printed Craigslist ad he brought with him, he read,

HELP WANTED

Freedy Fazbear Pizza

Family pizzeria looking for security guard to work the nightshift. 12am to 6am.

Monitor cameras,ensure safety to equipment and anamitronic characters

Not reasponsible for injury/dismemberment.

150$ a week.

to apply call, 1-888-FAZ-FAZBEAR

The add looked sketchy as all hell and it doesn't take a genius to tell that something is seriously wrong with the old building he was currently in. But by the time he had found the addlisting, it was almost the end of the week and the deadline given to him by his aunt to get a job.

He's desperate ok? As much as he hates having to spend his summer breaks in America and not at home, he knows that if he is sent back because he forgot save to up the money that he was suppose to take with him, as part of the deal his parents made with his aunt to let him stay with her,  he would be grounded until next summer.

So, at the late hours of 2:30am in a sleep deprived haze, a botched resume and a series of not so smart choices later, Denki applied for the Job. The next morning, when he realized what he did, it was already too late, and they wanted him there as soon as possible for an interview.

He got there in a rush, printing out the job listing to look over later and just deciding to not look a gifted horse in the mouth. Who cares if he has no clue what he applied for? He'll probably figure it out.

When he got to the place, He was immediately on guard. Then it got worse when the creepy interviewer showed up with his cheary energy that was just a tad on the far side.

Also, Apparently, this was less an interview, but more of a sales pitch for the job. by what he picked up from the man as he gave him a tour of the building, everyone quits the job either by the end of their first night or some time later.

No one has worked here for more than a week.

The job was basically guaranteed to him. But the real question was with all that he had learned so far plus the non liability forms he was just handed, if he was willing to risk it?

"And you're saying no one has ever worked for more than a week?" Denki asked, looking up at the man

"Yes, and it's such a shame because since so many people leave before the week ends, they don't end up getting payed" The man said flippantly

"Uh huhhhh" Denki started slowly "And these papers?”

"Non liability forms the company hands out to every security guard”

"Riiiiight. Because I can get hurt in this job”

"You will be working with electricity, but I doubt that would be an issue for you” Right, he knew his quirk for some reason.

"I'm more concerned about the part that say 'Dismemberment' actually” Along side the fact that they are apprerantly allowing a 16 year old work the night shift

"I don't see what the issue or confusion is here Mr. Kaminari?" They says tilting his head at him "In your resume you stated that you have experience with machinery and security? and I'm pretty sure we talked about all the job detailes last night on the phone when I gave you your interview”

The what now-

"Here, I even have your job application here" the creepy man says, handing him a piece of paper out of a folder he was carrying

Looking it over, he reads:

 Job Requirements. Must be experienced in security and  electronics. Must be drug free while on the clock. Must not have a criminal record. Must be over the age of 18

DATE OF APLICATION: July 3rd of 20--

NAME: Denki Kaminari

ADDRESS: ‐------ Ohio/--------Mastufusa

TELEPHONE: +#########

AGE: 21

NATIONALITY: Japanese

WORK ExP: 3 year of security in "The nether inco."

EDUCATION: collage graduate

POSITION APPLIED TO: Security guard

Must be over 18 too work here...

...Well shit.

"Well then" Denki said, looking grimly up at the practically rotting robots, 

He felt the buzz coming from his phone telling him his aunt is looking for him. Probably wanting him out of the house. Just like his parents…

Shutting off his phone, he smiles back at the aging man in purple handing back the forms "When do I start?”

Well, he thinks as he signs the the non liability papers, at least if he's injured, he will be able to sue due to their negligence to do a background check on him.

At the gleaming eyes the man had at his words, he couldn't help but think what did he just get himself into.

#fnaf x mha #mha denki #denki kaminari #fanfic #crossover fic #crossover prompt #security guard #au #fnaf au #mha au #denki: welp #I'm doing this ig #send asks

[ariesbilly]

Hi! I'm a different anon than the one who sent you the little ❤ but I also always want to talk about Billy being sweet and teaching little kids how to swim!! I was a competitive swimmer for 10 years and, as much as I loved the competitive training side of things, participating in my neighborhood summer league was even better. Summer league is essentially a less intense swim team option for neighborhood kids where there's a central focus on having fun and learning about water safety. There are offical coaches and lots of family involvement but! The best part of growing up with my neighborhood team every summer was that the older kids got to help coach the younger kids when they came in not knowing how to swim. So starting from about 13 years old and on up until we age out at 18, the older kids get to spend the first few weeks of summer teaching 3, 4, and 5 year old little kids how to swim and it's ADORABLE. So now whenever I think about Billy teaching swim lessons, I picture him being all gentle and playful with the little ones and showing them how capable they are. He can help them smile and giggle and forget that they were ever nervous about getting in the water because Billy makes them feel so strong and brave! He might have the reputation of being rough with people his own age and older but Billy knows how important it is for kids to feel safe and loved and supported 💕 A while ago, I saw a drawing an artist did of Billy standing up in about waist deep water smiling and gently cheering on a little kid who was using a kick board to make their way across the pool and I LOVE it 🥺 I wish I could remember who the artist is. It was such a sweet drawing and the energy was perfect for Billy!

This turned into a very long ramble so don't worry about posting/responding if you'd rather not! Hope you have a good night!

PLEASE THIS IS MAKING ME SOB!!!!

(I also feel like I know what art you’re talking about but I can’t remember the artist either 😫)

Anyway… god billy knowing how important it is for kids to feel safe and encouraged AND how important swimming/the water is to billys own life and the attachment he feels to that and wanting to make it a good experience for the kiddos is something that can be so personal… makes me sob absolutely every time I can’t do this 😖

I also like to imagine billy playing like water monster with the kids and he’ll get his hair all wet to cover his face and makes all these silly growling noises and jumps up out of the water splashing the kids and gets them all yelling and laughing after a lessons over and if they’ve got some time to kill before the parents take them away and I just 🥺

Billy helping little kids put their floaties on and letting them hold onto him real tight when it’s time for the floaties to come off and him being real soft and sweet ensuring them nothing bad will happen he won’t let it like he really gains their trust… I’m gonna be sick!!

#briana answers things #billy hargrove

[genderqueerdykes]

hi, and happy new year! this isnt urgent or anything, but ive been super nervous trying to plan coming out to friends and family.

specifically, the friend im telling first knows im trans, but ive never talked about wanting hrt before. since its not in person, im not sure how best to send the letter, and trying to even write it has been a bit gruelling.

the latest draft feels like the best, but ive never made one before and even though i know this friend is super nice and nonbinary themself i cant help but worry about timing and wording and writing.

idk if u have any advice or experience with this, even just some encouragement would be awesome. ur blog gives me hope, may the new year treat you well!!

hello there, happy new year to you!

i'm glad to hear you're writing a letter i think for a lot of people that's the best way to get your thoughts out and be heard without being overwhelmed by emotion or nerves and getting scared, backing out or being misinterpreted. there's always a chance they still won't quite get it but it's definitely the best way in my opinion to get your thoughts out there

you can write a different letter for each individual person if you'd like, to maybe see if you can tailor the information to each of them in a way that they can digest better, or you can write one letter. i texted my mom, dad and sister separately but said about the same things to each of them.

don't be afraid to let them know that this is a big part of your life and it does affect you. it's not something you're doing just because, it's something that has deep meaning to you, and that you need to do it for your own well-being. try to be as confident as you can when wording things out, let them know who you really are. avoid saying "i think i'm trans and i might wanna go on HRT" and go straight for "i'm trans, and i need to start HRT in order to take care of myself and my health."

some people latch on to "wishy washy" or 'weak" language and try to use it as a point against you for whatever reason. be confident, let them know you mean it, and that it's important to you and not just something that can be swept under the rug or brushed aside. obviously not saying to be confrontational, but i think the important part is to let people know that it's a big part of your life. it'll help you feel better about it too knowing that you had the guts to have that confidence. when you put that kind of energy out there into the world, you also internalize it. what you say to others does have a big impact on how you feel about yourself

i hope that helps at all, if not, best of luck to you, it's always hard to do these kinds of things and we spend lots of time sitting there and waffling, wondering. is the best way to go about it? can i word it better? can i do it better? and maybe you can, but it's better to get it done than to try to do it the best way possible. i think if you just kind of flow with it and remember to speak from a place of truth and to let them know this is who you are, you will do fine. take care of yourself, best of luck, i hope they respond well to you and if you need anymore help, let us know!

#asks #answers #coming out

[mountinez]

When you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy! Then it send to the last ten people in your notifications (anonymously). You never know who might benefit from spreading positivity. ♡

u have anon turned off and also u weren’t in my last 10 but idc I’m sending this to u anyways mwah love u nikka!!

heey yi, my stargirl <3

well yeah, my anons are turned off and will stay like this for a while i guess. and i'm about to go to sleep but i'll answer you first:

things that make me feel happy?

ofc my dogs. nothing comes before them three in my life, they are my everything literally, all my life is around them, my house was choose to comfort them because the happiness they provide to me is unmatched and nothing comes close;

cooking/baking. it can be random for people who don't talk to me often but i love to cook and i also have an instafood for vegan food. i love to create recipes and to help people to improve on it. cooking is therapeutic and one of the things that make me happier.

writing. ofc! because this is my purpose in life but also the only thing that puts me on that flow state. when i'm able to write freely i forget about everything around and all that exists is me and my creation. it's like to feel complete and i can't think about another way to describe happiness.

milky chance. it is silly but milky chance is my 2nd fave band. they are not in my life for as long as my 1st fave (the killers) but they are enough to make me realize they are MY band. their songs are everything about me, they were made for me (haha!). it's like "nikka songs" i swear. anyway i love a lot of musicians but milky chance's songs are the ones who make me happier, no doubt.

spending time with my best friend (and our other friends as well). my best friend is my other half, my soulmate (yes because soulmates aren't just lovers) and he has the ability to channel and equalize my energies as no one else does. he is a wonderful wizard, the love of my life and my cornerstone. so ofc, he makes me so so happy.

bonus: the beach, the sun and the sea. well, i live on the beach so ofc i couldn't fail to mention how happy and grateful i am for it. everytime i feel the sun on my skin i'm the happiest woman alive.

anyway, i talk too much. sorry yi!

but i hope it's answered. kissu, i love you <3

#my stargirl <3 #besties asks *3*

[sweetswesf]

Check In

What I Did

An algo

Checked in on my unemployment benefits that have not come in yet and realized I didn't submit everything I needed to :/ I hope I don't miss out on that money...gotta pay more attention

Spent TOOO much time on YouTube & Twitter

Cleaned

Reviewed a resume writing resource that helped me revamp my resume

Updated my resume

Updated my LinkedIn

Responded to a company with my updated resume

Took a nap & woke up after thinking about my old team and how they were working while I was napping, guilted myself about it

Started my data transfer

Cleared up my inboxes

What I Learned

How to find if an array is a subsequence of another array

A New Orleans comedian I like passed away a few days ago :'(...RIP Boogie B...I found out by doing my daily watch of his videos and seeing a few people commenting RIP under them...I thought it was a joke...but it wasn't...I have been in love with New Orleans since visiting and was looking forward to visiting the spots he recommended and maybe even buying a home there...but not anymore...I don't want this to scare me into not living the life I want to live, but it seems hard to avoid while living there...that's the main thing I kept hearing while I was down there and almost anytime any Black person from there describes it: the gun violence is out of control...he lost his life by Black people...and he wasn't the intended target...all them white people in New Orleans, NY, LA, etc. and they all seem to not get shot...I'm so tired of Black men killing Black people...it's racism's continued manifestation...when will it end?...Black men are even trying to exterminate themselves by whitening their children...it's so sad and truly weighs on me and stresses me out daily...

Feeling

Had a bit of quick headaches here and there...a little sore on my head when I touch the spot that I hit my head yesterday...may take this whole week off of exercising and ease back into it next week

I don’t have the same urge for gym bae as I did…nor for my first…nor for my first love…recognizing my worth…

Proud of myself for actually getting a lot done...I was pretty down because I was pretty distracted today and I want the life that I want to be here now, but I have to work for these next few months consistently to get there...and live in the moment and not worry about the future and just push myself to keep doing a little or more every day

Takeaways

I gotta stop digging in my damn ears with my sharp ass nails!

I am nail biting an bit less and actually have some nails on my hand

I need to spend less time on the socials...maybe I can try to, when I need a break, actually laying down, without hopping on YouTube

I'm getting older, because I can't listen to a LOT of the rap music I used to...I listen to some lyrics today, like, "Wow, I was really feeding myself this crap and paying for these artists that have contributed to lowering my and Black peoples' social standing for a while!...."

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut

Encouraged myself to keep going

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals After Today

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

Learn more about my gym crush & get him to ask for my number

Get a house similar to that one in Spain

Update my personal app

#Youtube #tech #software engineering #software engineer #check in #black in tech #black in the bay #san francisco #silicon valley #engineer #python #black women in tech #women in tech #startup #layoff #100 days of python #100 days of code #programming #coding #pytest #systems engineer #boogie b #rip #new orleans #mardi gras

[swimmingenthusiasty]

Start 26th+all27th start 3.29th+all30th

Oh. Just over four days a year. Starting at 9, four times will add about half a day. I guess it's until midnight the next day. So 30th at 00. Or more 30th at 03.00 to get the fifth away from 360. Or it happens five times.

No one around, and you've had too much, and the weather is just an out of place chill. You feel susceptible to the slightest glance. Energy transfer.

Who do you trust? What kind of energy?

Well, if you sleep. You'll wake up at 2,5,8... and your body will feel like it wants to scream. You will regret it. You'll feel like you got hurt. You'll feel so alone, you'll wish you spent time with someone instead. Someone you love. Someone new. You'll feel like something terrible has just been done. You'll feel sorry to yourself. I'm sorry that it happened.

If you stay up, you'll feel influence from the snake. You'll be moved by subtle things. You'll be moved in general. Repositioned. It's important that you respond quickly and move back to a position that you decide you want for this night. If it smells, make it smell good for you. If it's cold, make it feel warm for you. If you rushed suddenly and said you want to leave, be prepared to apologize and return to your seat. The only people who get to stay up this night are the ones who won't be coming back again. People who get to leave. You want to be one of those people.

Do not spend this night asleep. Do not spend this night in a trance, like in front of a movie or in a dance. Don't talk. Should spend this night fucking for ages. But wanting them. The whole time. Don't cum till it's past noon the next day. Don't use props or clothes and don't put anything between you. Let it be tender, gentle, nothing intense. Nothing hard-core.

I don't know what will happen to you otherwise. But it wasn't pretty the last time. I am told that it won't be this time either. Something to wince at if you're a bystander. I'm sorry. It was preventable.

the snake always lies.

the pigs always lie.

The spider always lies.

Your good nature is the only thing that will save you. You're the only one who will help you.

If last season is anything to go by. I'm so sorry. Never have twelve hours meant so much.

Stupid. Is the only way to describe sleeping or being alone on this night.

I hope you can forgive me. I hope you can forgive yourself.

The snake always lies.

The pigs always lie.

The spider always lies.

That doesn't mean do the opposite of their lying. The opposite of a lie is not always the truth. It just means they're lying. They're self-serving, thats the reason, which is fine, everyone is. But always what they speak is a lie.

The snake always lies.

The pigs always lie.

The spider always lies.

Your good nature is the only thing that will save you.

Event starts at 9 or 10pm and goes past twelve hours. Because if you sleep it could be that you are waking up in the opposite hemisphere. So I think it goes 24 hours. 9pm to 9pm. But the main event is 9pm till noon.

How can you know the exact day. I think July first or second will be a special time. Start at night 9pm first of July. The whole second of July can be a great start to a new season if I want it to be. Starting from the evening of the first. The next starts on the night of October third all the way through the fourth. Then the night of Sunday fifth of January right through the sixth. Then something happens over the new year and a fifth day goes.

The next is not the evening of Wednesday 9th.

What do you do in preparation. I think sleep plenty beforehand. Load up on vit d on the night. Don't think of anything. Feel alright with everyone no matter what.

How should you spend the day. The twelve hours after noon, I'll find out in a sec. I think you have to stay up. Till a full 24 has passed. But go out in the sun. Don't make too many choices. Yeah you have to stay up. When you sleep you'll basically upload. And then when you wake up after the second sleep, you'll have a.. presence.

If you loved during the whole night, they'll have nothing else to go off. There'll be no room for them.

If you thought anything or talked alot or wrote anything down, or had doubt about anything, that's the space the presence will occupy.

You should be gentle in living life. No stress no changes to think about.

[calumaai]

(Unbecoming).(freeassociations)

It's funny that I've chosen to focus so decidedly on how we as a society are framing the internet as a space, when it's a space I personally avoided for much of my life. After being an early adopter of Instagram when it first launched in 2010 and amassing a following (mainly of paedophilicly inclined gay men) I deleted my  account in 2016. My conscious memory of the time was that I had just left boarding school and set blaze to pretty much anything I held dear and moved to Paris. Instagram had just launched their stories function. I would wake up and look at videos I had uploaded drunk and automatically delete them in total embarrassment. Getting used to living in a different city was hard, and suddenly having access to the detail of what I was missing in London via the immediate and intimate stories function felt quite intrusive. It's not that I didn't want to know, it's that I didn't want to have the choice. The problem continued when I would return to London, and see the fun my friends in Paris were having, the parties and dinners i was missing that weekend, wherever i was, Instagram showed me the cost, the other, and would rub my face in it. I would respond by sharing my own stories into the void, showing off how funny, witty and ultimately messed up I was online. I don't know if I wanted to shock, appeal or seduce. If I could see those stories now, I don't think I would feel I succeeded in any of those metrics, but maybe that isn't important. 

I was never interested in art when I was a child. I hated going to films ( but this may be because I was sexually assaulted in a cinema when I was 11) art galleries and the theater. I liked fashion and musicals (who would have guessed I was queer) but I also think that's because my family worked in fashion and took me and my sisters to musicals for our birthdays. I liked my family, I liked spending time with them, and I liked talking to them about musicals. I mean don't get me wrong I also did like musicals, but maybe not as much as everyone thought I did. But I loved seeng art being created, I loved being in the middle of something that felt bigger than the sum of its parts. I loved being in the room when things were made, channeling energy for art itself and seeing it manipulated in physical form. I saw beauty and culture being used as source material to become something that transcended the laws of reality. I liked that.

People say that when you start free climbing or bungee jumping, not that i'm planning to, the adrenaline rush is so large it fries your receptors and it alters them forever, meaning your tolerance and ability to feel happiness, fear and adrenaline are changed forever. I think I had that with beauty, or art, or commerce, or all of it. I have such a high tolerance for it but I also really crave it. Yet when it's happening it's not exciting. It's just that I do stupid things when I haven't had that energy for a while. I don't even mean too, but I have a penchant for being able to reduce things to rubble out of sheer boredom and desire to shake it all up. 

I'm a big believer in precipitation. That simply my presence is enough to create something new. The alchemy of my mind merging with the external world will create new knowledge. And i dont think I'm wrong here. Everyone is so busy living their lives that they don't really see how if we let go of the idea of control, we become magnets. Focusing on the pull of life, where it takes us produces quite interesting results. I can say this as I quit my job and spend a lot more time at art galleries. I don't really research or know what I'm going to see, but when I arrive I put my consciousness on autopilot (usually helped by music, especially William Basinski) and become a magnet, allowing myself to be pulled towards new knowledge and views. Sometimes that's reading the writing on the walls, sometimes that's trusting that there is nothing in the room is pulling me too it and continuing forward, sometimes it's sitting in front of a painting until i feel i know it intimately and have drank it dry. I always take photographs now for my own reference, so I can remember pieces as when I'm in the translucent state my memory can be quite weak. But allowing myself to enter any space not as a dominant force, but as part of a reaction, to be shaken about with the other content of the space (Art, people, believes, aesthetics, culture, floors, moods) and see what precipitates out, good or bad or indifferent, is how im finding joy right now. It's both freeing in its acceptance of my own scale and in how little we control but how much we know. Whilst it very much focuses on being present, it also allows me to trust that what happened in the past was correct, and that if I enter the same room on another occasion and different things precipitate from that concoction, it's because different elements were present this time around. I guess what i'm trying to say is i stopped living my life like a control variable. 

I also had a short run on facebook in my pre-teens. Again it was devastatingly cringe, and I was using it to get up to lots of awful things. On facebook ,there was a feeling that it was your inner circle, people you knew. Even though I think I had 1200 friends which is insane at the age of 11 and i didnt know even half of them probably, it was fenced off, what you put in the space was protected, firewalled off and I had to admit people in to see it. Even Peer to Peer interactions were protected and happened within an amphitheater of guests I had invited. Yet that had to go, again i can't remember why. I think partly to do with shock value, but i remember telling people i didn't like that i met people and they had seen me online, on facebook before. If we take our permitted space, whether it was real or not i didn't like it when i felt that was violated. When someone had seen in and taken something from me. I didn't realize that what i was putting online was building concepts of me i wasn't in control of. Because yes i was a bully, i seemed popular and witty (to 11 year olds) and older than my years. But internally i had no basis of a self, so when others, especially others i hadn't even friended yet, were putting together pieces of digital ephemera and artifacts to deduce who i was when it would take me another 14 years to even begin the same process, it was incredibly threatening. So i pulled the plug, on everyone. They had taken something from me so i would take all of myself from them. The circus has left town and to me, they all died the moment i deleted that account. I had taken back the control. They would be left starving.

Now that I think about it, I deleted instagram because of my abusive ex. It was the summer of 2016 and my gaslighting boyfriends story had just become undone, and as the curtain he enclosed me within fell, i saw just how much life had happened whilst i was stuck in cave he created for me. I felt so weak, feeble and stupid. All the people who had messaged me telling me about him, my family's messages of fear, my silence throughout it all. But i didn't delete instagram to heal, well not only that. I did it to punish him. I wanted to be dead. To be gone. We already lived in different countries, so we weren't going to run into each other, but that wasn't enough. My instagram profile felt like a tie between us. Somewhere he could come to drink from me. An unguarded back door. And I wanted him to know I would rather die, digitally, than let him have anything from me. He didn't want me, well then he couldn't have me. So I committed digital suicide. I took myself offline, I closed access to me. Fuck everyone else fuck it all. I managed to sever the line of self. I was an instagram influencer but he died in 2016, RIP. 

I think feeling like this is how I feel about all social platforms now. That they allow others to commodify you, to consume parts of you, and you lose control of yourself. Now maybe that's not true for everyone, but maybe it is. These spaces where you tie yourself to your name, drank my desires, channeled them away from reading, from art, from music, and into them. I believed i would form myself on the battlefield of social media, ruling my own little kingdom, commodifying a shiny branded form of identity to shield the undeveloped shriveled self i really was (am)

Social media filled voids with opinions and limits, gave fake spaces that could appear full, with no windows to see that they were actually prisons. I could squeeze myself into them and trick myself that I was comfy. There was no space for emptiness. i was relived to be Shrowdingers cat with the door always open. I could never evolve or become because someone was always watching. But at least i was never alone. I was forever visible, a line of a digital meeting point always living with no time to reflect or contemplate. 

Derek Jarmans words below echo what I want now and what I have taken from leaving social media, why I am glad I left the coliseum when I did. But make no mistake, what i did was suicide. But sadly no one even noticed. 

I want to share this emptiness with you; Not fill the silence with false notes, or put tracks through the void. I want to share this wilderness of failure with you. The others have built you a highway; fast lanes in both directions. I offer you a journey without direction, uncertainty, and no sweet conclusion. When the light faded, I went in search of myself. There were many paths, and many destinations.

[thschei]

Okay, I was going to make this post the day it happened, but I was already really distraught & felt like typing it all out would just like push me over the edge, and I still had to survive NYE fireworks. I decided to at least wait until after the 1st, but then Life Things kept happening, so I didn't get around to it until now.

My righteous anger has mostly simmered down, so but I think it'll probably still get long, so this'll be another read more post. TW for mentions of animal death, emotional abuse, and declawing

To be 100% super duper crystal clear: I am entirely against declawing; it's unethical and cruel and inhumane. This will become abundantly clear as the post goes on, but I just have seen too many pointless disc hoarse posts filled with people who gleefully, willfully misinterpret posts for any reason to harass people. I'm not going to leave myself open to people who'd send me death threats without even reading the full post. As it is, I'm turning reblogs off bc I don't want my post about my cat dying to be reblogged, but if I need to I can turn anon/asks in general off.

So. At 11PM on the 29th of Dec my cat gets hurt, we get to the vet by 12:30, and by 3AM he died. We got home by 4:30AM and none of us could sleep. We were all still awake at 10AM, and dreading the fact that it was a 3-day weekend and we'd have to face all of it trapped with our thoughts without having our normal day-to-day routines to buffer the first 3 days.

We know a lot of energy vampire type people. Liars, manipulators, people who'd come over to our house just to steal something for funsies, abusers. One of my mom's sisters was an accessory to murder. The same one stole my mom's SSN to open credit cards with. I have more examples, but my family tree bullshit could be its own post. A lot of them are in our family and there's some my mom basically has to keep in contact with due to her job.

So, it's 10AM, and my mom is dreading the 2-5 energy-draining people who consistently text her all day long, no matter what's going on or how busy she is. She can be with a patient who's actively in the process of dying, and they'll just text her "?" repeatedly when she doesn't respond.

She decides to tell these people about our cat dying the night before, in hopes that they'll give her space. Unfortunately, abusers like these people love to violate unsaid boundaries like this, so nothing less than blocking numbers/turning off her phone would work. But it's a step towards being able to say "no" that I've been trying to help her with, so we're going to be proud of her for it.

I don't want to use this person's name because as shitty as they are, they deserve privacy, so I'm going to use her initial.

V . responds . "Oh. My sister is trying to rehome her cat, maybe you can take it?"

So let's go over the timeline again. 11PM on the 29th -> 10AM on the 30th. In less than 12 hours since our cat died, V is trying to shove her sister's cat at us. Please don't try to give her the benefit of the doubt or say she was trying to help us feel better. There's not a single thing this person does that comes without ulterior motives; I've known her since 2015. She goes to strangers' funerals so she can brag about it later. She doesn't feed her own cat wet food, not because she can't afford it, but because she'd rather buy cheap dry food at the dollar store and spend the entire rest of her money on herself, like going on cruises/vacations while I petsit her cat. (And use our own wet food for her cat because it's cruel and fucked up and genuinely a detriment to a cat's health to only feed them dry food). This suggestion was nothing short of an impulsive launch at an opportunity to make her life more convenient, by finding a new home for her sister's cat, so her sister would stop complaining or asking her to take the cat.

My family has always had pets, and I'm the youngest in our house, so by the time I was born, a lot of our pets were already getting old and sick (12-15 for dogs, 20-25 for cats). The first pet that died in my lifetime was our dog Killer, when I was 4. My dad had already died, so I didn't need any lies about going to live on a farm or something. And of course it's always sad, but we've always felt like the best thing you can do to ease that pain is take in a new pet and provide them with a home. You get mutual love and happiness from each other, and day by day it gets easier. But, like, you take in that new pet after maybe a month or so. Not a fucking day.

Before continuing, for some extra context, 2 of our cats already had been from V.

The first one, Joey, she only had for a few months before becoming convinced he was peeing all over the house (hint: it was her 20 yr old cat who had chronic kidney/urinary tract problems from being fed nothing but DRY FOOD FOR 20 YRS @%^#&*^*&@#) and offering him to my mom's sister, who ended up dying a few months after that. (We don't know why or how; coroner declined performing an autopsy.)

We call V and tell her what happened, because we don't know what to do with Joey. Her reaction is like, "Oh... hmm. Huh. That's really a shame. Let me know if you find someone who can take him."

As in, "NOT IT!"

They hang up and my mom stares blankly at her phone screen. I say we should just take him home instead of leaving him in the empty apartment and stressing about finding him a new owner.

Flash forward to December of 2020. V calls my mom crying, saying that her (now ex-)husband thinks their other cat, Smokey, peed on his expensive speakers and is threatening to divorce V unless they find a new home for Smokey. V says all the local shelters are full and when she looked into people who'll temporarily house cats for owners, they charge $200 per day. She says she needs to find Smokey a new home like, now. My mom says we'll help her find someone but V is like, her husband has Smokey locked in a cat carrier and says she won't be let out until they find her a new home, that kind of now. We're like, jesus fucking christ, silently. I mute my mom's phone and say "tell her we'll take her". I'm sure she would've said that anyway, but like, instinctual response to hearing the thing about the cat carrier.

(Btw, he divorced V the next year anyway. I wanted her to be away from him, because he's so abusive and mean. But it's so fucked up that he forced her to get rid of her cat with the threat/ultimatum of divorce, only to follow through with the threat anyway. He could've just divorced her and let her keep her cat!!! She had to deal with the heartbreak of a divorce without the comfort of a cat she spent 9 years with!!! He moved out of state, but every time I think about this, I wish I could go and break his kneecaps.)

The problem to that is that Smokey . is declawed . So she has to be separate from our other cats 24/7 for her own safety. None of our cats are very aggressive or get into "real" fights with each other, but they're still cats, with sharp teeth and claws, with predator instincts, who act on those instincts when they can tell another cat is weaker, whose instinct during a fight with another cat is to swipe at their stomach to disembowel them. That's not something you want to take a chance on. So Smokey is exclusively in my mom's bedroom. Over time, we've started to let her out for 20-30 minutes at a time with supervision, but that's the extent of what we can give her without putting her in danger, and it can't be done while doing chores like taking the trash out or doing the dishes. All because V declawed her fucking cats. (Not Joey, but only because he wasn't with her for very long.)

Okay, with that context established, let's go back to V texting us on Dec 30th.

Of course, we could rehome her to someone who didn't have other pets, but she spent 9 years with V, and has now spent 4 years with us. She's a 13 year old all-grey short-hair cat with a bald patch on her belly and on her front legs and below her ears, so it'd probably take a very long time to find someone who'd pick her over a cute kitten, and even longer stuck in a shelter if they had room. And if we had chosen not to be her permanent home, we would've been keeping her at arms' length the entire time, trying not to get attached.

How would that be fair to Smokey? She deserves a life where she spends as many days possible feeling wanted and loved and safe. That's what I set out to do, and I think I've achieved it as much as I possibly could, around her being declawed. I do love her and want her. And I do keep her safe, obviously. I spend as much time as I can with her; we cuddle, we play, we watch birds, I share food with her (when it's safe for cats, obv). With V she was always hiding under the bed and never meowed, just came out to eat. With us, she never hides, purrs non-stop, and is very very vocal. She gets wet food and treats, she sits in the middle of the bed like she owns the place. She gets to be a cat.

I leave my room to go check on my mom. She relays me the text. I say . "What the fuck is wrong with her? It hasn't even been a day."

I ask, "Is V's sister's cat declawed?"

We, like, talk about what a transparently selfish and inconsiderate person V is. I tell my mom I'm gonna try to sleep, but then I stop in the middle of the room.

It's a balancing act to watch out for 1 declawed cat with our other cats, so it would take more mental energy to strategize life around 2 declawed cats, especially with how often I'm asked to petsit. You have to factor in how much time you can spend out petsitting (I usually spend 5 hours there at a time), time you can spend with the Have Claws group of pets (including a dog), and time you can spend with the No Claws pet.

Despite the... misconceptions about cats being detached and aloof, they want (and need) to spend time with you. They want to cuddle, they want to hang out in the same room, they want to hear your voice, they want to play, they want to snooze in the presence of someone they feel safe around; they love you. Same as with dogs.

My mom says she'll find out.

I get some sleep, then I wake up. My mom tells me that no, V's sister's cat is not declawed; she can't find anyone in the state to do it. That's why she wants to rehome the cat.

",,,, How could anyone say that without being ashamed?"

My mom shrugs. "I don't know. I told her, 'wow, we're sitting here miserable because we wish we had our cat back, and your sister wants to get rid of hers because she can't mutilate it' I don't think she liked that because she stopped texting me back."

We laughed.

Silence is telling, you know? V's 20 year old cat died last year, and my mom and I spent months hoping to god that she wouldn't get a new cat, because we didn't want her to declaw it. She swore up and down she regretted doing it to her other cats and would never do it again, but she's also a liar. So after she did get a new cat, my mom and I have checked to see if she still has claws every time we go over. So far she does... but probably because V can't find anyone to do it either.

But then it stopped being so funny when I realized it was probably only a matter of time before one or both of them crossed state lines to look for a vet who'd do it. We can't exactly steal V's cat, but if we take in her sister's cat, we can save it from happening.

I don't really have a good way to finish this. We'd rather take in a cat off the street or from a shelter than have Three cats that came from the same asshole, but if V's sister does declaw her cat, we'll feel responsible for it happening, even if we know it's not our fault.

I just wanted to post about how fucking insane it is to try to pawn off your (sibling's) cat less than 24 hours after someone's cat died. She's almost 70 and has no mental illnesses; she knows better. She's just an asshole.

#erin talks #text #this is vvvvery long so don't feel obligated to read/don't feel bad if you don't #I just felt like I needed to include all the details/context so no one tries to give V the benefit of the doubt #I have . a complex about ppl reacting to my vent posts by naively suggesting that what others did was an accident or not their fault #that's part of why I spent a Long time not making personal posts

[esotericfaery]

Intimate Spiritual Diary, Entry 3 - To Chakra, or to Shockra?

I wonder how often all of this heart-centred talk is a deliberate tool to take away from promoting peoples critical thinking skills.

I find when I focus too much on heart centred mantras, it makes me fall into illusions easier.

If instead of thinking about it too much, I just feel into my meditative time and go wherever instinct takes me. I'm equally thinking and feeling at all times, generally; aside from feeling emotionally charged at times others do. I find that not using too much terminology to focus on specific areas of the body, is helpful.

I haven't resonated specific with chakra work, as, like others, I don't keep energy cages wrapped around my organs. My entire body functions as one chakra, obviously, since all living things have an EM field / aura.

I find this simplifies things, and allows me to not get too distracted. As I've noticed is so with many, if you're finding yourself slogging through your reiki routine and then having to do it, along with several other healing modalities, multiple times throughout the day, then look into resources for you to consider removing your chakras. Please only consider sources which explain how you can remove them yourself, as it is dangerous for one person to do such deep energy work on another. This is true regardless of how pure the practitioners intentions are. This is because of how fundamentally integral a persons energy system is, to their ego.

The ego is not the enemy. We're here to experience this life specifically through the ego. Please ignore those who tell you to focus solely on ascending, using termonoloy like, "remove ego from this". The ego is to be working with in balance with the inner, spiritual self.

The vibrational signature of each person is as unique as the genetic structure that runs through each one of us. This decision should not be made spur of the moment. I have spoken with and read about how people removed chakras one by one in stages, after days, weeks, or months of meditation, while leaving as much time as they needed in between to adjust to the drastic change.

I'm a free flowing energy field. Not the void that some reiki practitioners initially fear they might become, upon first searching for my chakras.

You may be surprised by how often people dismiss me out of hand, as soon as they realize that I don't have chakras. I've been told that I can't be trusted to know anything about spirituality. I've been picked apart, called things like stupid, and have also been told that I'm to be feared. When I ask them to ask themselves the reason why, sometimes there is no response, or they respond that they don't know, it's just a feeling.

While gut instinct is important, equally so is a regular practice of patient, logical and rational thought patterns. With the state of the world today, it can be so easy to get caught up in emotions, to the detriment of learning opportunities being lost. So please be patient every time you encounter a shockingly new idea. Isn't exploring possible truths more important than fitting in with the crowd.

Such emotions likely have something to do with a blockage in an energy system which doesn't have enough space for free flow.

I experience blockages, yet it takes me less time to remove each one than it generally does, even for some people who have been doing reiki for years.

I'm not putting down people who do reiki, because it does heal people. I just feel for people who have to spend so much time prying open each cage, and getting the energy moving again. The way some describe it to me, it's clearly so painful to them that it's a daily struggle.

I share this information only because I know and see so many people who suffer in a way I feel is undue, and chakra removals, while big steps, and time consuming, have transformed their lives for the better.

Here's a suggestion for what I would do if I were to consider such a psychic surgery procedure on myself. First I would clease each chakra fully, in my normal manner. Then I would closely, eyes closed, gently examine each part of the chosen chakra I'm working with first, while asking / feeling for a yes or no answer to the question, "Shall this part of myself be released, to integrate fully with the rest of my body?" and contemplate it as long as needed until I feel 100%, yes. Then, as all life and potentials for life are interrelated, I would say, "I release you in full gratitude for your role in my life, as you disappear slowly, yet surely, into the unactualized potentials inherent in background radiation". I recommend making this a journal entry of your own, and play around with the wording to find what works best for you. Taking your time is key.

Some people try to avoid the process and just say something like, "I remove this chakra now", which only confuses the energy system, or they even say, "I remove all chakras now", which makes me wince. It only causes confusion and stagnation of your energy system.

About physical bodies, there's a prevelant attitude of jokes in regards to our 'meatsuits'. We shouldn't be making ungrounded jokes about wanting to escape to astral realms. We're here in the physical and we have to handle that. Our physical bodies are as sacred as our energy bodies. I'll say it again for those at the back of the class: you; your physical body is exactly as sacred as your energy bodies. Remember that words are spells, and don't program yourself to get into a pattern of neglecting overall health, to your detriment. I don't mean that to sound like some people do; "be a perfectionist, or give up." I'm a Virgo Sun, so I get what it's like, being stuck in that sort of pattern where you've just had enough and feel there's no hope. But my chart is ruled by Sagittarius, so I ask you to lighten up the load on yourself. Realize that you are worth more care and effort.

I can think of no greater undertaking in your psychic surgery than such a fundamental change within. As overwhelming and maybe impossible as this potential undertaking may seem, the rewards will equal the intensity of the transformation, if the will is there to succeed on your chosen goal, in your path towards who you want to become.

Lastly, don't allow anyone to bully you into choosing the energy system they have. If you feel that you need some sort of change in your life, yet are feeling a lack of direction, take your time, learn one by one about things you're naturally, instinctively drawn to. Feel and think your way into the future, more abundantly happier you.

#intimate spiritual diaries #spiritual journey #chakras #spirituality

[customhome-builder]

Custom Home Builder

Some of the most recognizable buildings in the world were built by Greyton Construction. This form of house is common throughout along the southern Connecticut coast, from Block Island to Watch Hill and beyond. Why? A Greyton Construction home is the one you want. The success of Greyton Construction can be attributed in part to the fact that the company listens to its customers. It's common knowledge that Greyton Construction works hard and keeps at it custom home builders watch hill ri We promise to construct your new home efficiently and economically. Maintaining a growth mindset is a priority for us. In terms of visual appeal, nothing short of perfection will do.

Don't be shy about getting in touch with us if you have any inquiries, feedback, or recommendations.

You should really consider moving to the lovely South African town of Greyton. Your prompt attention is needed at Greyton Repairing. Unemployed people will do anything to keep a company going. Mystic, Block Island, and Watch Hill are common stopping points for vacationers traversing Rhode Island and Connecticut.

If you want to make a good choice, arm yourself with as much information as possible in advance.

Please don't wait to get in touch with us so that we can get started on the design of your ideal home. Everyone helps out to get the house ready for the new occupants. There are many benefits to providing a safe, nurturing home for your children. If you make these adjustments, your quality of life will improve significantly. Because of the potential and complexity of the notion, we must proceed cautiously but surely. We aim to maximize the likelihood of success. The need for a "hybrid solution" is becoming increasingly apparent. Unfortunately, unless we receive additional information from you, we will be unable to assist you.

In times of economic growth, employees are more eager to put in overtime.

Green building techniques are gaining popularity as more people learn about the environmental and financial benefits they may provide. Every little thing helps when it comes to reducing energy waste. In recent years, "green" construction methods have received considerable attention. Your new residence won't have any detrimental effects on the local ecosystem. Those who built according to the letter of the law formerly enjoyed widespread respect.

Both of these were obviously the work of an experienced professional.

Our longevity in the market attests to the superiority of our offerings. It takes a lot of time and practice to become skilled at woodworking or stonemasonry. They will strengthen your home's defenses to the point that an intruder will have a very hard time breaking in. Our cutting-edge equipment ensures that the final product you receive from us will be of the highest possible quality. The outcome will astound you.

The majority of professionals like sharing their knowledge with others.

Occasionally stepping away from your busy routine is necessary. You keep having this terrible idea that won't go away. No matter its size, a well-kept house can provide a welcome escape from the stresses of everyday life. The picture pins and nails can be arranged in any way you choose. Since its first release, this book has undergone numerous rounds of editing. Spend time with loved ones instead than sitting alone in front of the TV. Despite the shift in the status quo, business as usual will continue for the time being.

Freedom of the press is essential to the development of any civilized society in the modern era.

Regular updates on the construction's status will be provided. This discovery carries a great deal of weight. We promise to respond quickly to any questions or suggestions you may have. The degree of excitement is through the roof. We will get back to you as soon as possible if we have any further questions. Remember these dates and times as best you can.

Getting as much information as you can before deciding on a course of action is in your best interest.

Always a plus is punctuality. With our assistance, your custom home will be built on time and within your budget. Everyone helps out when they can. Developers never deviate from proven processes while making something completely new. You should be able to get started without any problems if you follow the instructions in the order given. Altering current procedures may result in unexpected outcomes.

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