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naoa-ao3 · 9 months

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The Lives We Live Now

Cordelia had had her fair share of nightmares in life. Growing up on a Hellmouth did that to you even if you weren't aware of it.

There was something in the Sunnydale air that just crept in through bedroom windows and slithered in ears and up noses and into open mouths.

Call it radiation from hell or whatever you want.

She had slept only marginally better since arriving in L.A.. She wasn't over top of a Hellmouth any more but life was hardly demon free.

Since teaming up with Angel and the others she had come to find herself in the kinds of situations she had once tried to avoid. The stuff she had once been so sure came only with Buffy Summers and their weird town.

She regretted some of that now. She had not been understanding or incredibly kind but she had been young and she had aged a lot since high school. Seeing your principal eaten by a demon worm had that kind of an effect and so too did losing all of your safety and inheritance.

College had once seemed natural for her.

She'd go and see some parties, snag a hunk and maybe walk away with a doctor or a lawyer for a husband.

Of course none of that had ever happened and a small part of her was glad about it. As hard as it was she liked the life she had now. She was doing something important and for the first time in her life she had come to really care about that.

Whatever she had had to give up. . . it was a world away now as she finished cleaning up around the hotel.

Angel was off patrolling with Gunn and she and Wesley had stayed to work only now at nearly three in the morning even he had put his head down, an ancient tome his pillow.

He'd probably kill himself if he drooled on it and as she cleared some of the mess of research books away she glanced at him.

He looked unhappy in his sleep and she paused for a moment, knowing he kept so very much to himself, knowing that Wesley was not always a happy person.

He shifted, smearing his face on the page slightly and making a noise.

"Oh Wesley. . ." She said, setting the book she had been holding aside and going to him.

To her surprise he was shaking slightly.

She hesitated and put a hand on his back. "Wes? Wake up." She said.

He shifted and fought it but then after a moment finally opened his eyes and she saw something pained and confused in them.

"Cordelia. . ." He whispered, lifting his head which was sticking to the page.

It tore and he froze.

"You looked like you weren't having a great dream." She said as he looked down in dismay.

He smoothed the page over. "I-I didn't mean to-" He seemed distracted and she felt for him.

"It's okay Wes, I think we've all had our fair share of nightmares."

"It wasn't a nightmare." He said rather abruptly, hands still trying to smooth the torn page out.

She watched him piteously and sighed, taking the book from him and getting the tape dispenser. "Whatever you call it." She said.

She had seen him after torture and pain, seen him probably the weakest next to Angel still holding his own. Whatever he dreamed she knew he was stronger than it. Even she was stronger than her dreams.

She always had been the strongest woman she knew.

He was quiet for a moment before straightening his glasses and looking at her. "I didn't. . . I didn't say anything did I?"

"You? No." She said, handing back the taped page. It wasn't perfect but at least he couldn't paw at it and make it any worse.

He nodded, still looking shaky.

"Hey, we see a lot of ugly stuff Wes. Don't beat yourself up."

In the dark he looked almost ashamed but that was Wesley, forever beating himself up over something small. Something he couldn't help.

"Cordelia. . ." He said as if he were about to explain something but his voice stopped in his throat and he just hung his head instead.

"You remember the sludge demon we took down last month? I dreamed about that thing for weeks." She said. "The smell alone."

He looked at her weakly then. "I didn't dream of a demon." He whispered softly, eyes returning to the now taped page of his book. He ran his fingers over her tape-job carefully this time and she didn't really know what to say. Wesley had always tried to keep his problems to himself. This admittance was out of the ordinary.

She nodded, remembering him after Faith had tortured him.

"Sometimes the worst things aren't demons, I guess." She said softly, the room too dark around them.

He nodded, not meeting her eyes. He looked miserable and trapped in himself, he looked like someone lost.

"You should go home, we both should." She said, trying to stay kind despite the world they lived in.

"I don't. . ." He was quiet. "I'm sorry."

She didn't understand and yet doubted very much he was going to open up to her. That wasn't his way. "It's okay Wes. You just had a bad dream."

He nodded yet again and sat in defeat. "Cordelia. . . do you ever go to visit your father?" He asked. He sounded uncharactaristically small and she was thrown by the question.

"No, not really I mean he's the one that lost everything we had and turned us into the public laughing stock in Sunnydale right before my graduation."

He looked at her strangely. "But he is incarcerated here- in Los Angeles?"

She shrugged, not about to feel guilt or at least determined to try not to. "I'll see him eventually. Anyway mom made me go and see him after he first got arrested so it isn't like I haven't been." She felt a little flinty. Even now her mother had a hard time seeing past the vapid, cruel girl she had been and the further she got from that girl the harder it had become to relate to her mother.

He nodded. "I haven't been home since before I came to Sunnydale." He said, voice soft in the darkness.

She frowned. "Hell of a severance package." She said.

He nodded and swallowed. "Some part of me never wants to go back." He looked at her as if he'd just revealed something horrid about himself and was waiting for her judgement.

She didn't have any to give.

"Then don't." She said. "I don't have a reason to go back to Sunnydale."

"I made such a mess of things." He said, shaking his head miserably.

"Wes, you're feeling sorry for yourself. You messed up in Sunnydale but it's not like Buffy or Faith tried to make it easy for you. Even Giles didn't."

He looked at her.

"What? You think I didn't notice? Please Mister, I had my eye on you back then. I saw."

A faint ghost of a smile crossed his lips. "I was rather enamored with you."

"Of course you were." She winked. "But we're not there anymore Wes. We have our own lives here. I don't even know if we're the same people."

"We're the same people." He said softly. "Just little wiser."

"And a lot older." She said, feeling far away.

He nodded again and they were silent.

It was past three in the morning now and Angel would be back in a few hours' time. They needed to be home and in their beds, ready to do the daylight work their boss couldn't.

"Come on, pack up. We'll walk home together."

He nodded and closed the book, torn page and tape disappearing among it's siblings and after a last lingering touch, he put it aside and followed her out.

#cordelia chase #wesley wyndam pryce #fanfiction #fanfic #friendship #hurt/comfort #nightmares #not romance #angst #buffy the vampire slayer #angel the series #btvs #ats #ao3 #introspection #pov cordelia chase #fluff

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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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I kinda wanna write a better version of tlh where Tatiana is still insane but there's no Belial bc that makes zero sense to me

In this version there would be:

Kamanna done correctly with actual genderqueer rep and not toxic relationships

Barbra and Oliver bc fight me she didn't die

Genie and Filomena bc I love them and all the lightwoods are queer

The gracelet doesn't even happen bc I refuse to write that

Grace is pretty much still the same but she breaks off their(hers and james') relationship bc she notices that he loves Cordelia

No bad James. He's not a shitty person to Alastair, and he doesn't treat Cordelia like a sex object

Anna puts a stop to Kellington and Matthew's relationship before it gets serious. She also tries to get him to stop drinking all the time

Alastair apologizes around seeing them again for the first time. The merry thieves are a little reluctant because of some of the things he did but they don't actively try to keep him away from events that they're at

Matthew notices how Alastair looks at Thomas and locks them in the sanctuary with Genie and Cordelia's help

Grace gets badly injured due to a mistake in necromancy and Christopher helps her treat it without letting people know

Lucie meets Jesse, and falls in love ofc, so in order to bring him back successfully she asks Malcolm to train her in using her magic

Matthew opens up to his mom about the incident. She doesn't blame him at all and instead apologizes for often putting her work before him

Matthew finds out about Charles and Alastair because he found Alastairxs break up letter to Charles

Matthew, the mother hen he is, decided to attempt to murder his older brother, only being stopped by James who had been there at the right time

Kamala ends things with Charles and tells Anna that she still loves them and hopes that she will give her another chance

Anna told her that they needed time to think, and that she is worried how Kamala's reputation will be affected if anyone besides their friends and Anna's family finds out

Kamala respects her decision and doesn't contact her until Anna's ready to talk about things

The merry thieves don't ignore Christopher and they actively listen and help him

The merry thieves also aren't terrible to Grace bc they realize she's been isolated alone with Tatiana and 1) she might not understand what's saying/doing is wrong or 2) that sometimes she's trying to push them away so her abilities don't accidentally make them do something

Good tid parents

James and Alastair being respectful to each other despite personal differences

Matthew, Alastair, Kamala, Christopher, and Grace being besties, or as I call them, the neglected squad

No fetishizing mlm/wlw

Domestic cuddles and taking care of the other one when they're sick

Jesse/Lucie/Matthew pairing bc I love them and I refuse to pick between lucie/matthew and lucie/jesse

Christopher teaching Grace the elements(at the time) on the periodic table

Tatiana dies at the end yay

It's very unpolished and I'm open to b hearing any feedback and/or suggestions that anyone may have

The idea came to me and I decided it would be best if I told someone before I forgot

hi, I'm sorry it took so long,but I wanted to properly answer this and I keep having either internet connection issues or little time

DON'T BE SHY, WRITE THIS 👀

In all seriousness tho... THIS IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION?!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA, I NEED IT

Look, I've been on the verge of rewriting ChoI, and I keep saying I want someone to write a TLH that will live up to its potential, but I've never actually came up with a proper idea for it, and you?!! YOUR BRAIN DARLING THIS IS GENIUS

ok hold up I'll just react to each and every single one so

yes please?!? I mean it started off so sweet in EEV?! Also actually genderqueer Anna and not dancing around the subject like CC is doing now?! That's what they deserve, and that's what we all deserve too

yesss please. also just,,,, Barbara, the feminine, not-wanting-to-fight-which-doesnt-make-her-less-badass queen that she is, getting the page space and appreciation she deserves

that's actually brilliant?!? it would be so great, just imagine the new girl arrives for her travel year and Genie is completely awestruck. I'm so invested in Joshwood it's difficult to imagine not having them, but this is actually the only valid alternative?!

ok that's fine. I think it could still happen and be done well, but tbh for now... the gracelet doesn't seem to have done anything relevant to the plot itself? I mean yeah it messed up James's life and Jordelia, but what did it give Belial? Tatiana? nothing. It makes no sense atm.

could be! maybe she's still encouraged by Tatiana to befriend/seduce him, but without the gracelet it doesn't work out? or maybe James somehow manages to realize that she's in danger and he actually like,,,, kidnaps her? idk idk

yes. YES. just,,,,z James is a sweet compassionate literature nerd who accidentally makes a good leader and he actually cares about people, and not just judges them from his high horse; he does still have hero syndrome, but he's kind and respectful and overall a good character

ANNA INTERVENES ABOUT KELLINGTON PLZ. PEOPLE ACTUALLY NOTICE MATTHEW'S STRUGGLES. JAMES DOES, TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO GRACELET.

ok yes, so what about: basically TMT don't harass Alastair and accept his apology, and realize they were also being stupid and mean at times at the Academy (especially Math). Matthew doesn't want to accept Alastair's apology, because of The Sin, but his behaviour alerts the rest of TMT and they inquire what's wrong and he tells them about the sin and that's how he later tells his parents (because his friends encourage him) and as you say, she just hugs him and reassures him it's not his fault; so after that Matthew slowly begins to heal and accepts it wasn't Alastair's fault, and also since they've kind of adopted/started including Alastair in things, he can't help but notice he's actually changed and he even starts to grow fond of him

then like you said, Matthew notices Thomas likes Alastair PLEASE HE SO WOULD. I'm not sure about the Sanctuary, if it actually happens (I'll get to why later on), but him and Lucie get really invested in the matchmaking schemes, they include Genie/Kamala because these two are friends with Alastair (both? Or at this point only Kamala?) but they also share some Moments during their scheming/talking about love 👀 (yes I'm a Fairdale shipper, I think it's time to expose myself lol)

Which leads me to (sorry I'm going off order rn) YES YES YES LUCIE AND MATH PLEASE. A FELLOW SHIPPER, HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. But since we're actually fixing him then we can give Jesse a personality and I'm totally down for poly Math/Lucie/Jesse

Lucie seeking Malcolm's help in secret, morally gray heroine style?!? no, it's probably not legal. but also has there ever been a Shadowhunter like her? If the Law doesn't expect such situations, it can't really forbid them...

Plz Matthew ready to strangle the carrot when he learns about their relationship, YES. sure, maybe he's still not the biggest fan of Alastair, but he's seen how much the boy's been through and starts to develop an attachment to him, and besides, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE GROOMED AND TREATED LIKE THAT. He's SO MAD at Charles, and he confronts him about it - remembering Kellington as he does, and it makes him sick to think his brother would do the same thing to someone. Maybe he gets very emotional over this and later finally tells his friends about Kellington? Maybe they didn't know before, only Anna did? So when they all realize what was happening then they comfort him etc? Or maybe it's just Alastair that learns now, and the others knew before, and they share a bonding moment over that?

Injured Grace seeking Kit's help is a genius idea I didn't know I needed

Kamanna giving each other time and space and deciding they need to question their relationship and figure out if it actually makes sense would be great. Anna realising she's very privileged and Kamala doesn't have those same opportunities, and also in general realising coming out should never be pressured or forced. Just,,,, Anna being self-aware and respectful towards Kamala. Well-written Anna. Plz. Also Kamanna is actually developed and not just "in love" because,,,,, they're attracted to each other? Maybe even remaining friends while Anna makes up their mind?

yeah just TMT being more compassionate and less judgy because they're not written by Judith so her bias isn't projected onto them

It's not a want, it's a need. They adopt Alastair and Grace eventually. Like, maybe not literally - although, Grace? - but you know what I mean.

I think they all should just have various friendship dynamics and switch between them, because people need more than one friend group

no fetishizing, no watching your brother make out with his lover, yessss

yes domestic cuddles, affection, taking care of wounds, all those things. plz.

Gracetopher bonding over science yes

obviously. or maybe she's imprisoned?!

ok, now for some more notes/my ideas etc., if you don't mind:

I actually think Belial could still be featured? After all, I don't think Tatiana could do much on her own, and since she seeks help from demons, it makes sense to include a Greater Demon as well. But Belial would have to be a stronger villain, written better; I'll think more about this

if that was the case, the serial killer plot could still happen, but be done better. and it would allow for a scenario I talked about with @littlx-songbxrd to happen, where it's Alastair who's falsely accused of murder. It creates a great opportunity to explore some things, because we know Alastair is much more likely to be seriously suspected, considering all the prejudices and bad rep his family has and all that

...what do you say to well-written Jordelia? 👀 Cordelia hasn't been obsessively in love with James since childhood, she only had a crush then. And now that they meet again, she's fond of him but not in love, not straight away. They're both grown up, and different people, but as they spend more and more time together, they fall in love. What if Cordelia gets to flirt with some other boys first? What then. What if she ends up choosing James, instead of going for the only boy she's ever had feelings for and idealized since childhood. What if we even make it friends-to-lovers and have James be a little jealous at some point?! but not in a possessive awful way, just "oh damn oh no"

Now I won't know peace until this exists BUT THANK YOU

#ask answered #thank you this is brilliant #alt tlh #save for later #the last hours #tlh #anti cc #yes I'll be adding/thinking more about this I AM OBSESSED

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stayevildarling · 3 years

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Traitor- Cordelia Goode x Reader

Chapter 6: You're still a traitor

word count: 3.2k

warnings: cursing, angst/sad, fluffy ending

The atmosphere in the room quickly changes into an uncomfortable one and a thick silence filling the room, both your's and Cordelia's smiles quickly fading as you realize that even after being here for over an hour already, you are yet to learn the truth from her and there seem to be so many things on Cordelia's mind that you so desperately want to learn but for some reason, she is holding it back and you have no idea why.

Cordelia looks down, knowing that she owes you the truth more than anything, and part of her finally wanting to clarify things with you but her own guilt still killing her ever since you walked back into the academy. She takes a deep breath and takes all her courage to finally speak her version of the truth.

''Y/N I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you'' she starts, still avoiding your gaze, and before she can even start properly, you interrupt her, unable to hide your own emotions that are currently taking over.

''Then why did you Cordelia?'' you blurt out and the blonde instantly meets your gaze, lifting her head up with a shocked and hurt expression. You watch as her entire demeanor changes and if you could see behind the facade, you would know how your words felt like a knife was being pushed into Cordelia's chest.

''You betrayed me, us'' the words leave your mind before you can even control yourself. It feels like all the feelings and emotions that you bottled up, both before and after you left the academy are coming to the surface now. It feels like the wound that was created the day that Misty Day walked into the academy and continued to rip until you eventually left and healed into a scar after almost an entire year, just ripped right open again.

''Y/N please I-'' Cordelia tries and fights the tears back that are building up but you are not giving her the chance to talk or explain now. ''You know Cordelia I am not even mad about you and Misty, I am upset that you lied to me and kept the truth from me'' you say while your voice is breaking and the anger you feel, causing you to shake.

''Why did you lie? remember when you said I was paranoid? you and Madison actually made me believe that, that I was the problem and reading too much into it'' you say and Cordelia is truly hurt at this statement, she leans back into her chair a little bit, trying not to show how much your words affect her at this moment.

''You used to avoid all these questions about us, about her, I brought her up so many times why couldn't you have just told me?'' you ask, clenching your fists as you feel frustrated and anger wash over you yet again.

''Don't you think I tried?'' Cordelia suddenly raises her voice at you and this takes you by surprise because you know her to be a calm woman that doesn't usually let anyone or anything upset her to the extend she would lose her temper.

The only times you have truly seen her this upset or raising her voice is whenever Madison would wind her up. This would happen on many occasions, the blonde younger witch picking on the supreme and Cordelia in the result, losing her temper but back then you could never blame her for any of that, as Madison was always trying to get that exact result.

''I tried- I wanted to talk to you Y/N but-'' she starts and before she gets to finish you finish the sentence for her as you still believe to have all the truth and facts, unaware that none of your thoughts were actually the full truth.

''But let me guess you couldn't control it?'' you interrupt and Cordelia meets your gaze with a confused expression. ''Oh come on Cordelia do you think I am stupid?'' you blurt out in frustration, causing the supreme to furrow both of her eyebrows.

''She is sleeping in the bed we made and you can't tell me you and her didn't back then when I was still around'' you say, remembering all those lonely nights when you would wait for Cordelia, always so unsure whether she would come back to bed and you wondering what on earth she was doing but secretly having an idea she would be with Misty.

However, you are unaware that none of those things were ever true and that all along Cordelia only hid in her office, hiding away from having to face the truth, knowing there was no way to fix this so everyone would be happy. A tear streams down the supreme's cheek as she learns that you thought all along she didn't just betray you but that she cheated on you which never happened.

For a moment she is at a loss of words, which rarely happens because even though her mind is screaming at her to just clarify things with you and tell you the truth, she is deeply hurt for the way she made you feel back then.

''Y/N I never cheated on you with Misty'' she finally manages to say ''I know I betrayed your trust and I kept things from you but nothing ever happen between me and her until after you left'' she reassures you.

This time you are the one that is shocked and time feels frozen for a moment and you realize that all along you weren't actually paranoid. Even though you read the situation correctly about them clearly having feelings for each other, Cordelia never spent those long and lonely nights with Misty. She also spent them in her office, feeling just as lonely but too overwhelmed to approach you and talk things through with you.

''I owe you the truth Y/N please let me explain'' Cordelia tries again, her warm eyes meeting yours and you simply nod, now wanting to understand the entire truth.

''The truth is Y/N, I never understood my feelings for Misty when I first met her years ago, Hank did all of these things and Misty was the only person that I felt even noticed my existence and supported me'' she explains, remembering the times she felt so alone even in a house full of witches but her own mother and also husband at the time making her feel so invisible.

''But before I even got to understand my feelings towards her she passed away and there was never a day where I didn't regret doing those stupid seven wonders and risking my girl's lives'' she says and sighs in frustration and you watch fear wash over her face, as she remembers those dark moments and holding Misty and the girls in her arms, dying or on the verge of it.

''When she came back everything changed, I didn't understand what I felt back then or years before and I am sorry that you got caught up in between all of that, truly'' she adds, the guilty expression now visible again as her brown eyes avert your gaze.

''Those nights- I spent in my office because I couldn't stand the sight of you and I didn't want to believe the truth myself and risk or ruin us'' she whispers and trying to ignore how much the truth hurts because despite all her efforts back then, the exact thing she feared happened because she lost you, the day you walked out of the academy even though that was never her intention.

Everything goes quiet for a moment and you can hear your own heartbeat and some chatting and music coming from downstairs from the party. For a second everything is spinning because you never expected to learn this kind of truth. You expected more lies and learning about her cheating on you, not wanting you and you leaving being a convenience to the supreme but learning how hard it was to understand for the supreme herself gives you a small piece of clarity back.

However, you quickly feel anger wash over yourself yet again as you realize, how many nights could have been avoided, where you either sat in the academy, in your shared bedroom with Cordelia or your old one in the end or even sunny LA, where you couldn't stop thinking about what you did wrong and what Misty had that you didn't. You often debated whether it was the age and how she was so much older and prettier than you.

''You should have told me, Cordelia, you still betrayed me for never just telling me the things you told me now'' you raise your voice at her and you stand up, taking a few steps away from the supreme and debating whether to just run and avoid this altogether.

For the first time tonight, you are starting to doubt whether it was a good idea to even come back here and maybe if it would be for the best to just simply walk away again, talk to the girls a little more and leave, just avoid Cordelia altogether and go back to the way things usually have been for the past year, avoiding the academy and the supreme and accepting the painful feeling whenever thinking about the academy or being in New Orleans when visiting to see your parents graves.

Part of you debates whether to just call it even with Cordelia and forgive her, because after all you finally just learned her truth and that it was never her intention to hurt you. Even though it can't take the pain from the past year away, it gives you some clarity and maybe a chance to heal and for the scar that ripped open tonight to finally heal once and for all and that you would manage to see this place as a second home again and Cordelia, not as the traitor and enemy living inside.

As Cordelia watches you stand there, your back turned towards her, she can't help but be pulled into a flashback of when she last saw you in her office, remembering the last conversation with you when she let you go and walk out of your home at the time.

One year ago:

''You are the reason she left'' the words keep repeating on the supreme's mind. Cordelia can't help but think about Madison's words and the truth they carry. She can't get the image out of her head when all the witches sat at dinner, the night after you left. Everyone just avoiding the subject but of course, Madison started it and blurted the words out. The witches' reaction was a clear confirmation to what Cordelia feared and at the same time knew all along. She was right. Queenie simply averted Cordelia's gaze, looking down feeling uncomfortable. Zoe simply looked at Cordelia with a sad expression because even though she doesn't want to pick sides, she is simply upset over you leaving. Maybe it was Madison's expression that made the supreme believe it, as Madison looked at her with so much anger, or maybe it was Misty's reaction. She glanced at Cordelia from across the table with a guilty expression and that was the final confirmation Cordelia needed to know the blonde was right.

It took days for Cordelia to be able to leave the office again or carry on going back to her life before you had left. Everything felt so hard, she couldn't focus on her work anymore because she missed you poking your head through the door and reminding her to take breaks, and handing her her favorite tea. She avoided eating because she didn't want to be anywhere near the kitchen as there were too many memories of those long late-night hot chocolate conversations she used to have there with you.

She avoided the bedroom because it wasn't the same not finding you in there. Cordelia barely managed to sleep and even though before you left and you avoided sleeping in the same room, in the end, you were unaware that Cordelia would often enter your old room late at night and find you sleeping peacefully and simply seeing the sight, made the supreme smile a little. Back then those smiles were rare because she hated what she was doing to you, avoiding you and causing you to move back into your old room before eventually leaving all-together.

She couldn't go back to the way things had been for a while until Misty was the one guiding her out of this state and the circling thoughts. She debated so often whether to just call you, apologize for what she did and explain everything. She hated herself for letting you walk away without a proper explanation and that she caused you to lose your home and safe space. There were many times, even after dating Misty in the end, where she would pick up her phone and type a text message out to you or almost press the dial button but she stopped herself, every single time, knowing deep down that you are a fighter and knowing that you deserve someone better, something better and better life than the supreme could have ever offered you.

Just as Cordelia was sitting in her office, Madison's words not leaving her mind, a knock distracted her. ''Come in'' she tried to force a smile only to see Misty walk in. ''Cordelia you need to eat something'' she tried but Cordelia still didn't feel like eating anything. ''I brought you something come on'' she tried again and placed the plate on the supreme's desk. ''Thank you'' Cordelia mouthed and she watched as Misty stood there, fiddling with her hands, clearly something on her mind.

''It's my fault that she left isn't it?'' Misty asked, her gaze lowering and her features filled with sadness and guilt. Cordelia instantly walked over to the blonde, taking her hand trying to comfort her. ''No Misty I promise it's not your fault, it's mine'' Cordelia whispered, knowing that even if her heart had always belonged to Misty, it wasn't her that drove you away, it was the supreme herself by not talking things out in time or trying to fix it before it was too late in the end.

As Cordelia sees you standing there, your back turned to her she realizes that she doesn't want to make the same mistake again, letting you walk out of here without clarifying things first and with having so many things left to say. ''Y/N'' she tries as she walks over to you

Your thoughts are so loud that you are unable to hear her as you are fighting an inner battle with yourself, unsure whether to just finally let this go and learn to forgive Cordelia and heal or go back to the painful way things were before you came here tonight. You only manage to snap out of your state, as you feel Cordelia's soft hands, gently coming into contact with your shoulder and guiding you out of your frozen state.

You wouldn't even have to be in this room or knowing who is standing behind you to figure out who those hands belong to as they were the hands that used to roam your body, used to dry your tears, and always fitting so perfectly into your own hand. A tear streams down your cheek at the painful realization that just seems to hit you now that the universe did indeed have other plans for you two and other people's hands were supposed to hold yours and Cordelia. ''God I wish you would have thought this through before I went and fell in love with you'' you whisper.

After another tear streams down your cheek, you turn around and look at Cordelia and as her soft gaze meets your own, still the same guilty expression on her face you also see how genuine and honest she is about this, and part of you believe her that she never had this intention. ''I'm sorry for hurting you and making you doubt yourself Y/N, I never meant to'' she reassures you again.

For a moment she almost but just almost wipes your tears, so used to doing that out of a habit and also hating whenever she sees you upset but she quickly reminds herself that she is no longer such a close part of your life and not the person meant to dry your tears any longer.

''Y/N can we sit down?'' she asks gently and you nod and sit down again, feeling a lot calmer now that the truth is out and no longer all these unanswered questions on your mind. Cordelia sits down next to you this time, putting her hands in her lap as she feels a bit nervous still.

''I never meant to hurt you and if I could change things, believe me, I would and I would have been honest and talked things out with you but I just want things to be okay'' she starts

''I know you might not be able to forgive me and you will always see me as the person who betrayed you but I just want you to know that you do have a family here forever and I don't want to be the reason or person keeping you from coming here and visiting your family'' she finishes and you watch a weight lifted off her shoulders as she finally speaks her mind and tells you the things she has wanted to tell you throughout the past year, whenever she picked up her phone to type out a text or almost dial your number.

''I do forgive you Cordelia'' you suddenly say and this doesn't just take Cordelia by surprise but also yourself because it just blurted out. Maybe it's the relief about finally knowing the truth or the fact you genuinely believe Cordelia for how sorry she is, maybe it is even just desperation and you wanting to be able to come back to New Orleans and the academy whenever you please and seeing your family without fearing the sight of Cordelia.

''You know the universe might have had other plans for us but I am glad that I got to understand your side of things Cordelia'' you say and even though it still hurts right now and it will take time to heal that opened scar again, you know this evening and conversation with Cordelia was a very essential part in your healing process and journey.

''You know Y/N-'' Cordelia starts but you are interrupted when you hear another knock on the door and Cordelia pauses and says ''Come in'' only for Misty to open the door. You almost chuckled at the irony of the universe sending the same person that is clearly meant for Cordelia, back to this room after just mentioning her.

''I'm so sorry Dee but you are needed downstairs'' she says with a guilty expression, not wanting to interrupt this conversation for the second time. ''What is it?'' Cordelia asks as she realizes how nervous and fidgety Misty seems. ''Um it's Madison, they are fighting again'' the blonde explains

Cordelia nods, knowing Misty is never able to handle the girls fighting which happens on a regular basis. ''I will be right back okay?'' she asks and looks at Misty and then you again, slightly anxious about leaving you both alone right now. She rushes downstairs, leaving a very guilty Misty behind, still avoiding your gaze.

#ahs #american horror story #cordelia goode #sarah paulson x reader #ahs coven #ahs icons #cordelia goode x reader #wattpad #writing #lgbtq

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mads-maddie-madison · 5 years

Text

Antithetical -part 1 (Hawthorne!Michael)

//NOTE// I haven’t written fanfiction since I was thirteen, so it’s been almost five years since I’ve published any of my work. I apologize for the poorly written first part, I’m getting back into the feel of writing. I assure you the next few parts will be much more fulfilling on your end :) The point of view also switches from first to third person slightly, I felt it flows just a tad bit better that way. Also* I currently do not own a computer, and it is hard to edit and write on my phone, but it’s all I have at the current moment, so I apologize for any mistakes.

Warning: Slight angst

Summary: After Robichaux’s supreme, Cordelia Foxx, allows Hawthorne’s own Boy Wonder, Michael Langdon, to attempt the test of the Seven Wonders, y/n has a problem accepting that. She will stop at nothing to prove he is anything but the next supreme, even if that means attempting the test herself.

Words: 1.3k

There was no way in hell I was going to accept this. In what world did Cordelia believe that of all people, Michael Langdon was the next supreme? What led her to make that kind of monstrous decision? I had never in my time at Robichaux's believed that Cordelia could be so blind to Michael's true nature. I stormed into the kitchen, knowing that was where Cordelia resided at the current moment. "Please don't tell me you're this blinded Cordelia!" I exasperated, nearly out of breath due to the hike from my bedroom upstairs. I had hardly noticed the presence of the tall boy beside Cordelia before I heard the small chuckle. My eyes adverted from Cordelia to the no younger than twenty year-old boy. Looking him up and down I came to a conclusion, this must be him. "Do not start with me y/n, I know what's best for the future of this coven." Rebutted Cordelia, already fed up with the way the young witch was speaking to her. Had this coven lost all sense of respect recently?

"And what's best for this coven?" I replied, "him?" Pointing towards the shaggy-haired dirty blonde beside the supreme, noticing the slight smirk adorning his prominent features. "Because I can sure as hell promise you that he's not." Cordelia huffed, "You have no place in this decision y/n. Michael will take the test, and you will accept it."

"I refuse to believe you're this in the dark, you and I both know that no boy has the powers, the ability, to be supreme." I felt my face beginning to turn a light shade of pink, but before Cordelia could remark, Michael took a step forward, his long arms held behind his back. "Well you're quite right, Miss, y/n was it?" Taking another step further, I noticed his form. Prestigious. His long torso covered by a dark blazer, no wrinkle in sight. His pale neck decorated with a tightly ironed thin bow. Black slacks adorning his lengthy legs, and his shoes, not a scratch on the leather. If I had not been so fed up with the boy, I might even say he was attractive. "Oh I can assure you I'm not your supreme, I'm your Alpha." The smirk had made itself prominent this time, his ice blue eyes staring straight into mine.

I had nearly hissed at the thought, "You are not my Alpha, I can assure you of that." My words dripping with anger, who did he think he was speaking to me like that? I could practically feel his over inflated ego radiating off of him. Never in my life had I felt such an incessant urge to hit another person, but he brought this anger out of me that even I didn't know I had. "What do you suppose we do Miss y/l/n? Michael possesses all the abilities to take the test, no warlock has ever reached a level four." Cordelia interrupted before they could go any further, my mouth opened, only to close again. Raking my mind for any sort of idea, any way to stop this. That was all Cordelia needed to get back to her conversation prior to the young witch intruding in. There was no way I was going to allow Michael fucking Langdon become my next supreme. " Now as we were say-" I quickly cut my supreme off.

"Me."

Ms. Foxx looked taken aback, "I'm sorry, what?" "Me." I was determined to prove Michael was not the future of this coven, even if it meant risking my own life. "What are you saying Miss y/l/n?" "I'm saying let me take the test too. I possess each ability Michael does, I've been studying for far longer, I'm more qualified." Michael laughed at this, earning a glare from myself. Looking back to Cordelia, I noticed the hesitant look coming from the older woman. "Please Cordelia, let me prove to you that I'm right, if anyone is the future of our coven it may as well be me."

"y/n you do realize only one of you will make it out of this? You do realize you are not only risking failing, but losing your life as well?" Even though Cordelia seemed frustrated with her student today, she most definitely did not want to watch her fail, especially if a possibility was death. "I know what I'm risking Cordelia, but this coven means to much to me not to try." The blonde woman took a moment, thinking over this new proposition. If y/n were able to complete the test then she had no worries, knowing fully well that the young witch could lead the future of her coven.

"Fine, you may take the test. Sunday at noon I expect each of you to be ready, the test will be taken at Hawthorne." With that Cordelia left the room to think further on the decision she made, was it the right one? "You won't beat me," y/n turned towards the voice, "And why do you say that?" My eyes meeting his blue ones for the second time today. "Call it the devils intuition," that damn smirk again, but I could sense a deeper meaning to his simple words. I would be lying if I said it didn't send a shiver down my spine. Trying to look unaffected by his words I uncrossed my arms from my chest, stepping forward. My chest nearly touching his broad one. Well looks like I'm just gonna have to study extra hard then." Of course Michael was unaffected by her words, "See you Sunday." He replied, an obvious sarcastic smile spread across his face as he walked away.

It was then that I realized what I had done, the reality of the situation had dawned upon me. "What am I doing?" I whispered to myself, bringing my hands going up to my hair, pulling in frustration. I wasn't ready for this, why did I let my pride get ahead of me? Didn't I realize that I was in over my head? Huffing, I stormed up to my room, determined to study as much as I possibly could before the test in five days. There was no way I was going to let Michael know of my doubts, I had to prove them wrong. I'd be damned if I failed my coven.

I had been studying for what felt like days, although had only been two hours before I was interrupted by Coco. "So you're really doing this?" I spun my chair around, meeting her gaze. Sighing, I replied, "Yeah, might as well try."

"You understand you could die, right?" I heard the concern in her voice as she drug herself over to my bed, sitting across the end of it. "I know, but I'd rather die knowing I tried before I let that, imbecile, become our next supreme. There's something off about him Coco, something just doesn't feel right." The blonde nodded back at her friend, understanding what she meant. "I know, I just hate to think of you possibly failing, it wouldn't be the same here without you." "I know, but I'm doing good. My powers are only growing stronger, I have no doubt it in my mind that I should be able to do this." I lied, I most definitely had doubts, but I couldn't let her know that. I couldn't let anyone know that. "Why do you have such a bad feeling about him?" Her words struck me, I looked around the room, thinking, why did I have such an uneasy feeling? Other than his cocky attitude he had done nothing to me personally. "I don't really know, I just get this gut feeling, something isn't right, and I intend to find out what it is."

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hookedonapirate · 7 years

Text

Tangled Up In Blue

Chapter 19

Summary: Fear for her unborn child, a bruised and broken Emma Swan is determined to escape an abusive marriage. After she drives a long way from home to a small town in Maine, she doesn't think her life could get more complicated... that is until she ends up falling for her OBGYN, a blue-eyed British man who's shielded his heart from love long ago. But he may be just what she needs to begin her healing process and start a new life for her child. If only nothing gets in the way.

Rated M for violence, language and smut.

Also on: AO3 FF.N

Chapter: 18

33 Weeks into Emma's Pregnancy…

“Hi Mum, how are you and Papa?”

“We’re fine. Just wondering if you and Liam are coming home for Thanksgiving.”

“Ah, well I don't think I'll be able to, but I know Liam and Cordelia are planning to visit for Thanksgiving,” Killian replied over the phone as he walked into his clinic after lunch, waving at the receptionist as he passed. He had met Liam for breakfast that morning and his brother mentioned that he and Cordelia planned on sharing the news of her pregnancy with their parents on Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, it was not the best time for Killian to leave.

“And what about you, Killian?”

He ran his hand through his hair, trying to summon an excuse as he continued to his office, shutting the door behind him and grabbing his lab coat from the door hook. “I'm sorry, mother, but I won't be able to. I have conferences and surgeries coming up,” Killian explained as he put on his lab coat, transferring his phone to his shoulder to put his other arm through the sleeve. Once it was on, he sat down and propped his feet up on the desk, leaning back in his office chair. “And I don't know if I'll be able to visit for Christmas either. One of my patients is expecting on December fourteenth, but if the baby's late I'll have to stick around,” he lied. It was true that Emma was scheduled to have her baby that day, but even though she wouldn't be his patient, he still wanted to be in the room with her. He and Emma have not discussed this yet but he planned on bringing it up to her soon. There were many discussions about the baby and the baby's future that needed to take place, and Killian wanted to tell Emma that he wanted to be included, but how would he possibly go about doing that with everything going on? Besides the fact that he hasn't even told Emma that he loved her yet.

“You won't be here for Christmas? Can’t you just find her another doctor?” He could hear the disappointment in his mother's voice.

“No, I can't. She's expecting me to deliver her baby and you know I don't like to let my patients down.”

His mother sighed understandingly. There were many times she was forced to be in that situation, of having to chose between being at her clinic or spending time with her family. “Fine, but we will be expecting you to come and visit after New Years at least.”

“Of course.”

“How are Liam and Cordelia? Are they there with you?”

“They're not. I'm at the clinic right now. I'll have them call you, though.”

“Okay, I'll leave you to it. Would you like to say ‘hi’ to your father first?”

“Aye, if he's there.”

Killian could hear his mother speaking to her husband in the background before Brennan took the phone. “Killian, my boy. How are you?”

“I'm good, and I'm not a boy anymore,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Of course, you're a man now but you'll always be my boy. Now, I overheard that you won't be visiting us for Christmas?”

“No, I'm sorry I won't be able to,” Killian replied reluctantly, expecting a lecture from his father.

“It's alright, son. I understand you have other obligations.”

“You do?” he asked, surprised.

“Of course I understand, Killian. I just have one question.”

Killian smiled in relief. “Sure, what's that?”

“What's her name?”

Killian's throat became dry and his smile started to fade. “How did you- Liam told you didn't he? Bloody hell, I'm going to kick that wanker’s arse-”

“No, actually he didn't… I just know you better than that. You've always studied and worked hard but you've never chosen your career over family. You always did have a knack for learning from your mother's and my mistakes. So tell me, who is this woman keeping our son from us for the holidays? She must be something special, aye?”

Killian couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips at the thought of her, and he sighed in defeat. “Her name is Emma. And she's very special to me, father. She makes me happy.”

“Ha! I knew it!” Brennan exclaimed rather loudly into the phone and Killian had to pull the phone away from his ear as he chuckled. “When do we get to meet her?”

“Soon, I promise. We just started dating a little more than a month ago so it's still too early to introduce her to you and mother. So, could you not mention it to-”

“Sweetheart, did you hear that? Killian has a girlfriend,” Killian heard Brennan call to his wife and they were both cheering in the background. Killian closed his eyes briefly. He hadn't planned on telling them yet. It was too soon.

“Killian, is that true?” his mother joined in on the conversation. “When do we get to meet her?”

“Not yet, mum. She's coming from a delicate situation, but I promise after the holidays I will bring her to visit.”

“What kind of delicate situation?”

“Something similar to what happened with Milah,” he confessed.

“Oh,” his mother said softly.

“Not again, Killian,” his father added. “Please tell me she's not married too.”

Just then, there was a knock on the door. “I will explain later. Right now I have to go. Goodbye, Mum and Dad. I love you both.” He hung up before they could ask anymore questions. He lowered his feet to the floor and set his phone on the desk, sinking his face in his hands with a sigh. “Come in.”

The nurse opened the door letting him know that his next appointment had arrived. “Thank you.”

He lifted his head and straightened up, adjusting his lab coat as he stood. Mary Margaret and David entered the room as the nurse handed him their file and left, shutting the door behind them.

“Please have a seat,” Killian flashed them a smile as he gestured at the seats in front of the desk.

The Nolans greeted him and sat down as Killian took his seat at the desk. They engaged in casual chit chat as Killian studied the paperwork in his hands before lifting his gaze to meet the two pair of eyes that waited in anticipation.

“Well? What did you find out?” David inquired with a hint of desperation in his voice. Killian gave them a small smile as he ran his hand along his stubbled jaw, tapping his thumb on his chin in contemplation. He was surprised when the Nolans had decided to keep their initial appointment with him to not only get Mary Margaret checked out but David as well, and now the follow up. Although, Killian figured since David knew him a bit more now, he eventually found Killian to be trustworthy, despite the circumstances. And he didn't blame David one bit. He was just being a protective husband. Killian felt the same way about finding the right doctor for Emma when he could no longer be that person for her, that's why he recommended Rosabell in the first place.

Killian cleared his throat, setting their file down before resting his elbows on the desk and clasping his hands together. “Honestly, I found nothing,” Killian finally replied. He received puzzled looks from the pair before him.

“What do you mean, you found nothing?” David demanded sternly. Mary Margaret placed her hand on one of his to calm him.

“There has to be a reason why we've been trying for a year to have a baby but haven't been able to get pregnant,” she said, confusion laced in her features.

“Aye, there is, but it hasn't shown up in any tests,” Killian explained.

“Care to enlighten us then, doctor?” David asked, a bit irritated. “Or are we just wasting our time here and should go somewhere else?”

“And here I thought I was starting to grow on you,” Killian teased with a smirk. “There is no known cause of infertility here, but being able to rule out several possibilities helps us out quite adequately. The test results were normal for both of you,” he affirmed, averting his eyes from David to Mary Margaret. “And after going over your medical history with both of you and receiving your results, I've only found that you're both pictures of health. So that's very good news.”

They both sighed in relief. “That's good to know,” Mary Margaret uttered, smiling at David. He looked over at his wife, returning a small smile as he squeezed her hand gently.

“So if there's nothing wrong, then what do we have to do?” David implored, facing Killian again.

“Normally, I would suggest an IUI combined with hormones. An IUI is a fertility treatment that involves placing the sperm inside the uterus to facilitate fertilization. There's also some other fertility methods, but before we try anything, there's one thing I would like to ask first.”

“What’s that?” Mary Margaret asked him, her eyes full of curiosity.

Killian stood up and walked around the desk, sitting on the edge of it and crossing his arms. “When's the last time you spent a day together, just the two of you...?” They both started to answer, but Killian put up his hand, making them pause for a beat so he could continue, “...without the interruptions of twin brothers or pregnant roommates or friends or work or other obligations? When's the last time you've just been able to breathe and enjoy each other’s company?” He put his hand back down, crossing his arms again.

“We spend plenty of days alone together,” David shot back defensively.

“Okay,” Killian accepted, pursing his chin and lips in curiosity. “That's great. Name one,” he challenged.

Mary Margaret and David both paused and looked at one another. “Well, there was that one day…” she started and then had to think about it for a moment, “...no, I had to go into the diner that day.”

“What about the time when we went to…?” David shook his head. “No, James was there.”

They both continued to fumble for an answer as Killian waited patiently. “That's exactly as I suspected,” Killian finally spoke, standing up and pacing slowly towards the window.

“What does that have to with getting pregnant, anyways? What's your point, doctor?” David asked him.

Killian turned to face them again. “My point is you both have too much stress in your lives. With running the Bed and Breakfast and taking care of everyone, you're missing out on spending quality time with each other. And having too much stress and too much weighing on your minds can inhibit your ability to conceive.”

“So, what do you suggest then? We can't just put our business and lives on hold while we try to have a baby,” David pointed out as he looked to his wife.

Killian shrugged casually, tucking his hands in his pockets as he walked towards the desk again. “Maybe you don't have to. You have employees that can handle the business for a week. Use that time to take a vacation just the two of you,” he suggested, turning to look at them.

“A week? I don't think that's possible,” Mary Margaret chuckled a bit at the idea.

“Why not?” Killian asked, not accepting her answer as he sat against the desk again and crossed his arms. “You both work hard, you spend so much time being there for the business and other people, why not take some time out for yourselves? You both deserve it.”

“That's a great idea and all, but when would we possibly be able to? There's the baby shower for Emma and not to mention the fact that her husband is lurking around. And she's having her baby soon and we want to be here when that happens. We can't just leave.”

“See, just listen to what you just said. All of your excuses revolve around Emma, someone you both care about nevertheless, but what about the two of you? What about Mary Margaret and David?”

They both looked at him, unsure of how to respond.

Killian let out a soft sigh, resting his hands on the edge of the desk. “Look, I understand you both want to help Emma and be there for her, but she still has seven weeks until her due date. And Neal is still nowhere to be found. I'd say after the baby shower is the perfect opportunity. You'll have enough time to find employees to cover for you and book a trip. It doesn't even have to be far away, just outside of your lives here in Storybrooke.”

“But we’d be too worried about Emma. Won't that defeat the purpose?” Mary Margaret asked him.

“Maybe, but you have no reason to be. Emma will be fine, the police are looking for Neal, she’ll still be pregnant and the town of Storybrooke will be here when you get back, I assure you. If you wait for the opportune moment, it's never going to happen.”

They both looked at Killian skeptically, but he could see that David’s expression was slowly yielding to the idea. He looked at his wife and gave her a soft smile. “Maybe he's right. Maybe we should consider taking some time out for us.”

“I don't know, David. You really think we should just leave now to go on vacation?”

David shrugged. “Honestly, I don't know, but I do know what I want. I want to have a family with you, Mary Margaret, and I'm willing to do what it takes. We’ll give it some more time and then if we still can't conceive then we’ll try some other options. What do you say?”

“Okay, I'll think about it. I don't really want to decide right now, with everything going on.”

“Of course, both of you go home and discuss it privately, weigh your options. And if you decide on the IUI then we will start right away. How does that sound?”

They both nodded. “That sounds reasonable,” David agreed. “If we can conceive naturally, I’d rather do that.”

“I completely agree. There's nothing physically inhibiting your ability to conceive, so I'd like you to keep trying for a little while longer before we try anything drastic. You both know what you need to to do, take more time out for just the two of you. With Emma out of the loft, it should be easier right?”

They both looked at one another and nodded. “Right.”

“Okay then. Let me know if you have any questions about anything.”

“I think we’re pretty familiar with the natural techniques of getting pregnant,” David teased as he and Mary Margaret stood up.

“Aye, I just meant about trying to conceive in general. And Mary Margaret, I suggest taking a prenatal vitamin everyday for when you do get pregnant.” Mary Margaret nodded as the three of them headed for the door and Killian opened it for them.

“Thank you and I'm sorry for the way I acted before, I'm just…” David started, apologetically. “It's just been a little deterring, not being able to conceive like a normal couple. I want to be able to give my wife what she wants… what we both want and have wanted for a while.”

“Of course. I understand, Mr. Nolan.” He knew exactly how it felt to not be able to impregnate his wife. For Killian, it wasn't possible with Milah, but for the Nolans, the solution was rather simple, or at least he hoped it would be.

“Please call me David,” he corrected.

“Apologies, David.”

“Oh and you’re coming to the baby shower next week, right?” Mary Margaret asked him. “Everyone who wants to come was invited, so no one will suspect anything if you do.”

Killian flashed her a smile. He got the invitation in the mail shortly after he and Emma started dating and was very much planning on going ever since.

“Aye, of course I'll be there.”

“Great. We’ll see you later, Killian.”

~~~

Killian locked his office up that evening, saying goodbye to the staff before he pulled out his phone. Emma had the day off of work but he was wondering if she would be home. He didn't want to panic every time he didn't know where she was, Emma had a right to do as she pleased but he was still worried every time she wasn't with him. If Neal weren't a threat to her or the baby, it would be a different story. Still, he didn't want to keep tabs on her or make her feel as though he didn't trust her. So, he called her cell phone to see if she would be home for dinner.

As he walked out the clinic door, his phone rang a few times before she answered, and he couldn't help but sigh in relief.

“Hi love, I just wanted to see if you were having dinner with me.”

“Ah, so you weren't calling to check up on me?” She asked playfully, and he could tell by her tone that she was definitely on to him.

He smiled in surrender as he made the small trek to his car. “I was just wondering if you were home, that's all. I don't want you to feel like I'm smothering you. Just wanted to make sure you and the wee lad were alright since I haven't heard from you since this morning,” he admitted.

“It's okay, Killian,” she laughed lightly. His heart actually fluttered, hearing that wonderful sound. “I don't feel smothered at all, believe me. And to answer your question, we’re not home but we’re both fine. I just had to run some errands and now we’re starving.”

A broad smile took over his lips as he approached his car and pulled his keys out of his pocket, using the small remote to unlock his car. “Good, I'll have dinner waiting for you, love.”

“No need. We brought dinner to you.”

A look of confusion washed over his features as he opened his car door.

“Killian, look behind you.”

He lifted his eyes and turned around, seeing a gorgeous, pregnant blonde in a pink blouse and blue jeans staring at him from across the parking lot with a big smile on her face as she held the cell phone to her ear.

He whistled into the phone. “I see a sexy blonde across the parking lot who is quite a sight for sore eyes.”

Emma laughed, her pearly whites showing through from where she stood. “Would you care for a picnic at sunset with this blonde you see?”

Killian couldn't stop the wide smile that took over his lips. “I would absolutely love that.” He ended the call and lowered his phone, sliding it into the pocket of his dress pants. He walked over to her as she lowered her phone as well. When he approached her, he had to resist the urge to grab and kiss her. Instead he flashed her a flirty smile. “So, where are we going for this picnic?” he asked before reverting his eyes to the vehicle she was standing next to, which was not her SUV, but David's pickup truck instead. “And what's with the truck?”

A mischievous grin took over her lips. “Get in, you’ll see.”

Emma opened the door and he helped her into the driver's seat before he went around to the passenger's side and got in.

She drove out of the parking lot and through town, passing the autumn trees, colorful leaves covering the ground. The sun started to descend as Emma pulled up near the beach that was secluded this time of year. She did a U-turn, facing the truck away from the ocean before she put it in park and turned the engine off. “Is this okay?” she asked him. “I mean, it will be dark soon and there's no one here.”

He grinned and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Are you kidding? It's perfect.”

They both got out of the truck and Emma pulled out a large picnic basket from the cab. Killian lowered the gate and helped her spread a wool blanket over the bed of the truck before scooping her up in his arms and propping her up on the opened gate.

“This is a great idea, love. Much better than eating at home,” Killian said as he looked over across the ocean, the waves rolling and crashing into the shore.

“Well, we both feel cooped up in the house when we have the day off,” she said placing her hands on her belly and looking down at her baby bump. “Isn't that right, baby? We needed to get out, didn't we?” she spoke in her mommy voice and it was the most adorable thing he's ever witnessed.

“Of course, love. I never want you to feel cooped up. Believe me, I want to take you places, go on dates with you. Wherever your heart desires.”

She flashed him a grin and leaned in to kiss his lips. “I know you do, Killian. I'm fine with what we have now. As long as I get to be with you, that's all that matters to me.”

Killian offered her a soft smile as she started emptying the picnic basket.

“I brought some water and grape juice and made some chicken sandwiches and sliced up some fruit and carrots,” she said as she handed him a wrapped sandwich and set down a couple of small containers on the blanket. “And…” Emma reached into the basket again, pulling two more items out, “your favorite of course.”

Killian chuckled at the two slices of apple pie that she wrapped up. “Thank you, but I actually have a new favorite.” Emma arched a brow at him before retrieving some plates and silverware.

He leaned in, whispering in her ear. “It's you, darling. Sorry, but you taste better than that scrumptious apple pie of yours.” He could hear Emma's breath hitch before he pulled away, her cheeks filling with blush, and the shy smile on her lips was well worth the playful smack to his shoulder.

“So how did it go with Mary Margaret and David?” she asked as they started eating their sandwiches.

“They're perfectly healthy, I told them that they need to spend more alone time together before we tried anything drastic.”

“Well, that's good to know at least. And I actually was thinking of planning a trip for them, as a gift for everything they've done for me.”

“That's very thoughtful of you, love. What were you thinking?”

“I'm not sure yet.”

“Well, if you need any help let me know.”

She nodded and looked away, a thoughtful expression in her features. “So, how was the rest of your day?”

They ate their food, watching the sunset as he told her about his appointments and a couple of surgeries he performed. He was afraid that he would bore her to death with his medical speak, but her eyes always lit up with interest when he spoke of work and she always asked him questions if she didn't understand what he was talking about. It was one of the many things he loved about her. He also spoke of his conversation with his parents, but he didn't mention that he told them about her. He didn't want to pressure her into meeting them, especially now.

“So you're not visiting them for the holidays?” Emma asked, surprised.

“Emma, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I left and something happened to you, but I promised them I would visit after New Years.”

“I just don't want you to stay because of me.”

“Love, it's only one Christmas. And I would like to be with you when you have the baby… that is if you want me to, of course.” He swallowed thickly, bracing himself for how she might react.

To his surprise, a slow smile graced her lips. “I would love for you to be there. But you don't think Rosabell would mind?”

Killian shook his head. “I don't think so. She knows that I care about you and I told her that you and I are still friends.” He just hoped he could hide his feelings for Emma around her.

“Okay. As long as you think it's safe to do so, then I would love for you to be with me when I deliver my baby.”

A wide smile crossed his lips. “Then it's settled,” he smiled excitedly, taking a bite of carrot. “So tell me, what did you do today, love?”

A guilty look fell upon her features as she started to respond. “I went to the bookstore to talk to Belle,” she replied cautiously.

“Ah, she's a nice lass. How is she and the baby doing?��

“They're both fine. Belle’s definitely ready to have her.”

“I'm surprised she's still working.”

“Yeah, she said she's working until a few days before her due date. I'm going to do the same. I would hate being cooped up in the house just waiting to have this baby,” Emma said lightly.

“Can't say that I blame you, love. I figured you would. You are the stubborn type,” he said with a playful smile. Although, the doctor and caring lover in him wished she would take some time to rest before she had the baby, but he wouldn't fight her about it. He wanted her to feel free to make decisions about her own body, and he would never take that away from her.

“I also went to see Gold at his pawn shop,” Emma admitted, guilt flashing in her eyes again. “I had to know if Neal's related to him.”

Killian's features fell, a lump growing in his throat as he swallowed. “And what did you find out, love?” he asked, attempting to hide the worry in his tone.

“After I showed him a picture, he said he had never seen Neal before.” Killian nodded, looking down at the slice of strawberry in his hand as he took a bite, and then she continued. “But he was lying. I could tell that he was.”

He looked up at her and could tell that she adamantly believed that. “Emma… what if you're right and he does know Neal? What if Neal had been in that shop?”

“Look, I know that I was taking a risk by going there, but…” her voice trailed off before she continued, “...I can't just sit back and wait for Neal to show up,” her voice became cracked and he could see her eyes glazing over with tears. “I can't just do nothing. He either came here to hurt me and my baby or take us back to Tallahassee. And he's out there somewhere, laughing and waiting for me to give up and crawl back to him.” A tear escaped down her cheek and he could feel his heart clenching. Killian jumped off of the truck and stood between her legs, taking her hands in his own, his thumbs gently caressing her skin.

“It's okay, love,” he breathed softly. She released his hands and instantly burrowed herself in his arms, burying her face in the crook of his neck. He felt the tears stinging his eyes as she sobbed softly into his shirt. He stroked Emma's hair as he held her as close as he could, tilting his head to whisper in her ear. “I won't let him hurt you or your baby.”

“But you can't always be around to protect us.”

“Maybe I can be.” He pulled back slightly, taking her cheeks in his hands, urging her to look him in the eye as he spoke with all of the sincerity he could summon. “If you want to run away from here, all you have to do is say the word,” he paused briefly before continuing, his words cracked and lowered to a whisper, “and I will take you away in a heartbeat.”

Emma closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on his, grasping onto his shoulders for balance. “I can't… this place is my home. I can't just leave everyone. I finally have a family.”

He nodded. “I understand, love. I just wanted you to know that it's an option. I would give up everything here to go with you.”

She shook her head. “I can't let you give up your life here for me. You can't just leave it all behind.”

He flashed her a weak smile. “But I would. I… I would for you.”

She pulled away, eyeing him in confusion. “But why? Why would you do that?”

“Because, Emma…” A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth and he grabbed her hand, bringing it his lips and pressing a delicate kiss there as he struggled to breathe the three words that he had been reluctant to say for fear of pushing her away. But he knew she felt the same. He could tell by the way she looked at him, the way she smiled at him, the way she spoke to him. “I love you...” His eyes darted to hers and he could see the fear there, but he could also see love.

She gave him a weak smile. “You shouldn't… I’m not good for you.” His features fell in confusion.

“I very much beg to disagree. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Emma shook her head and pushed him away as she lowered herself from the truck. “How can you say that to me? What about your wife?” She disentangled herself from his embrace and started to walk away. He followed after her.

“Emma, please…” he gently grabbed her hand and she turned around to face him. “Of course I loved my wife, but losing her was the worst thing I've ever faced. And believe me, I've seen many horrible things in my field, love. I never thought I would be able to let go of my love for Milah… I never thought I would fall in love with one of my patients… and then you came along. And I know you're scared. I know that as much as Neal hurt you, a part of you may be afraid to let go of him completely. And when you're ready, I'll still be here waiting. I'm not going anywhere. My heart is in this for the long haul. I'll wait as long as it takes.”

He could see her breaking down, her eyes about to burst with tears, and she stepped closer to him, falling into his embrace. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, his hands sifting through her golden locks and cupping the back of her head as he kissed her temple. She rested her head on his shoulder as she curled her arms around him and he could feel the wetness from her tears soak through his shirt. “I'm just scared,” she whispered.

“I know you are, sweetness. But I won't let him hurt you or your son. I promise.”

She tightened her hold, seeming to accept his words and he just held her like that, offering her the love and comfort she deserved, asking for nothing in return.

It felt like an eternity, Emma in his arms, but it was nowhere close to being enough.

Eventually, they pulled apart and finished eating before they put everything away. Killian offered her his jacket and they sat back in the bed of the truck. Emma was in between his legs as she rested her head back on his chest and they gazed at the stars, just taking in the view.

“Can I ask you something?” Emma murmured, breaking the silence.

“You can ask me anything,” Killian kissed her head as his fingers crept under her shirt, caressing her belly.

“You never told me why Milah couldn't bear children. Did it have to do with... what she went through?”

“Aye.” Killian drew in a deep breath before he continued. “Milah got married at a young age, when she was eighteen. They eloped after she graduated high school. Her husband at the time started beating her not even a year after they were married. I was staying with a friend in Boston during summer break and she lived in the apartment across the hall. That's how we met, and I could hear them fighting in their apartment from time to time. Then one night, I heard her screaming from my mate’s unit. I went out into the hall and saw her husband running down the stairs like a coward,” Killian said, gritting his teeth. “I had to bust down her door to get in and I found her on the kitchen floor in a pool of her own blood.”

Emma let out a gasp. “What happened?”

“He um… he stabbed her in the stomach and she had to have abdominal surgery. It caused permanent damage and the doctor told her she would never be able to have children. After that, we ran away together, and she had these big dreams, wanting to become an OBGYN and start her own fertility clinic one day to help women struggling to get pregnant.”

Emma tilted her head back to look at him. “Have you ever thought about doing that? I mean opening a fertility clinic?”

“Aye, actually I have. I’ve thought about expanding and opening a research and fertility center.

“I think you should. I mean if that's what you want to do. You're an amazing doctor. You care about your patients and respect them. You treat a complete stranger a hundred times better than my husband ever treated me, that's for sure.”

“True, but he's a fucking asshole, love. I will never understand why anyone in this world would want to hurt such an amazing woman. You are a treasure to be cherished. Any decent man would kill to have a lass like you.”

“I don't know about that,” she said. “But as long as you want me, that's good enough for me.” He smiled weakly at her, stroking her cheek. If only she knew exactly what she was worth. Killian decided that he wanted to take her out on an actual date to show her how special she really was, and he couldn't wait any longer to do so. As much as he enjoyed their private moments in his home, she deserved to be courted properly. Killian held Emma in his arms and kissed her forehead, mentally making plans for such an occasion as she laid her head on his chest.

After they got home, they went upstairs to his bedroom. She laid on the bed in her mint green nightgown and he stripped down to his boxers before fetching some massage oil that he bought for her nightly massages. He poured it into his hand, rubbing the oil into her left foot. She purred at his touches. He switched to the other one and worked his way up her beautiful long legs, both of them thoroughly enjoying his ministrations.

He climbed on the bed, continuing to massage her thighs and she moaned softly as his fingers made their way up her nightgown. He lifted the satin material over her belly and leaned in, leaving delicate kisses to her thigh and over her covered nub. He could smell the sweet nectar through her panties as his lips came in contact with the thin material, and it took every ounce of control within him not to pull down her underwear and lick her senseless. He often dreamt of doing so, of swiping her soft blonde curls and delving into her delicious folds; it was by far one of his favorite activities. His swan was so beautiful and perfect and she tasted simply devine. Arousal stirred in his groin as the images invaded his thoughts, but instead he grabbed the bottle of oil and poured it into his hand before rubbing it all over her belly.

Emma seemed to be completely relaxed under his hands. He looked up and saw that her eyes were closed as she breathed contentedly. “You still with me, love?”

“Yeah,” she breathed, a gentle smile spreading across her lips. “Keep going.”

“With pleasure.” He continued rubbing her belly, covering her round form with gentle kisses. He stayed there for a while just admiring and appreciating her, whispering sweet nothings to her growing baby inside.

After he covered her belly back up with her nightgown, he turned off the lamp and laid next to her as she looked up at him with her big, green eyes.

“Killian, I have to tell you something.”

He arched a brow as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and peered down at her. “You can tell me anything,” he said sincerely with an encouraging smile. He could tell there had been something weighing on her mind the whole night.

“I sold my engagement ring at the pawnshop.”

“You did?” Killian swallowed thickly, not really knowing what to think about that.

“I had been holding on to it, because you were right. I was still hanging on to Neal. As much as I hate him, he’s still my husband.” Killian wasn't sure if he liked where this was heading. She wasn't considering going back to him, was she? Killian's heart tore in his chest at the mere thought. “But, I don't love him anymore.” Killian let out a deep sigh of relief. “I was afraid to say this before, because I was afraid that I'm not good enough for you.”

“You are absolutely perfect for me,” Killian assured her. He looked into her eyes as she struggled for the right words, as though she were unsure if she believed him. “Now what is it you want to say, love? You don't have to be afraid with me. My feelings aren't going to change.”

“I know,” she breathed. “Killian… I love you, too. And I want you to be apart of mine and my baby's life. If that's what you want too.”

Killian's heart fluttered, hearing those amazing words. “I want absolutely nothing more.” He cupped her cheeks in his hands. “I love you, Emma. Both of you,” He murmered before leaning in and smashing his lips into hers, kissing her deeply. She responded with the same fervor and passion as they both pulled each other closer, getting caught up in a heated kiss that made his head spin. The feelings he had for her were so overwhelming, he could no longer control his desire to make love to her.

She removed her nightgown as he took off his boxers and he kissed her body from top to bottom before pulling off her panties, turning Emma on her side. He got behind her, pulling her leg over his, and he entered her, whispering exactly how much he loved her in her ear as he thrusted into her warm depths. He would never want to claim her, but he felt a great deal of pleasure knowing that her heart was his and his alone.

~~~

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