#but I was disappointed with the majority of it so ig that doesn’t matter

[acesstark]

rwrb and grief (book + movie)

As someone who lost a mom at the ripe old age of 16 years old, Henry’s grief being completely erased from the movie kind of killed me. Like I’m infinitely disappointed about it, especially considering it was such a huge part of his character.

In the book, one of Henry’s most prominent traits is the feelings left in the aftermath of his father dying when he was a teenager. His grief is chronic, and it pretty much will stick with him for the rest of his life. Bea explains it to Alex in the “I love him on purpose” scene (which is something else that got completely cut out of the movie).

There’s a much longer stretch of time between Arthur dying and Henry and Alex first meeting in the book, I think it’s 14 months (book) and 4 months (movie). I’m sure they changed it to make Henry’s behavior toward Alex seem more justifiable, as if because it was only four months post losing his father, the wound would still be fresh and therefore his grief being ugly is acceptable or whatever.

But what I really appreciated in the book is how, even though it had been over a year, Henry was still going through the motions of losing his dad and it wasn’t very pretty or nice (ex: in the book he says “can you get rid of him” in reference to Alex, which is notably different and more rude than “I need to get out of here” which he said in the movie), even after all that time when most people would expect you to be over it by then.

In the “I love him on purpose” scene, Bea explains the ways in which Arthur dying has permanently affected Henry, and that the grief is always going to be apart of him, and that there is no way to love Henry without making the active decision to love every part of him, grief and ugly parts and depression included. And Alex loves him on purpose, perpetual grief and all. Which, for whatever reason, was cut out of the movie.

Lastly, both their birth order and Arthur’s death greatly impacted the way Philip, Bea, and Henry grew into their personalities.

After their dad died, Philip, the Heir, the oldest, grew cold and distant and fell into his roll as one-day King as opposed to older brother and was shaped by the crown in a way that made it so that he didn’t protect and support his siblings the way he should have.

Bea, both the middle child and older sister, spiraled after their dad died. In the wake of their father she developed a dr*g habit and a rebellious streak, but her fierce protectiveness of Henry, being her younger brother, only grew throughout it all, and even though there was no one there to protect her, she made sure she was there for Henry.

Henry, the baby, the spare, whose grief was a driving factor for his character. Losing his father, one of the only people who truly understood him, as a teen, on top of inheriting a country he does not want and growing up believing he can never be allowed to love who he loves, he spends years in the aftermath of his fathers death with it affecting every part of his soul, and while it may get easier to cope, that feeling will never leave him.

Their families dynamic is one of my favorite parts of the book, both because I can relate (it almost directly mirrors mine + my siblings own grief) and because it’s so well written. But in the movie, that entire dynamic was killed. Philip is shown as cruel for no reason, Bea is the stereotypically bubbly youngest sister who is the perfect princess, and Henry’s grief is essentially eradicated.

Watching the movie, all that’s mentioned of Henry’s grief is the throwaway line in the storage closet about how he was a dick to Alex because his dad died a few months ago, and it never comes up again. It was really disappointing.

#rip powder princess bea you were so hot and strong and beautiful and amazing I will avenge you #like even Philip was humanized in the book he was just an ass for no reason in the movie #anyway as a motherless person I was disappointed with this aspect of the film #but I was disappointed with the majority of it so ig that doesn’t matter #firstprince #red white and royal blue #alex x henry #henry fox mountchristen windsor #rwrb movie #rwrb book

[old-memoria]

Russians deserve this tbh. Don’t invade your neighbors but you never learn.Now this is what you get when you mess with the whole planet. 😊 if you tolerate Putin’s regime you’re a terrorist. You chose him you pay the price 😘 we don’t need you in America, Canada, Britain anywhere. Don’t make us die in a nuclear war because of you. Americans stand for peace. We stand for Ukraine 💙💛

Ok so this is a lengthy reply, if you’re not interested in the issue, ingnore this right away. I’ve been getting a lot of shit lately:

From now on I’m not going to reply to degenerates like these anons. Ig they were infuriated by this post. Still I have something to say (just in case you have at least a tiny amount of gray matter to process information)

I’ve never called Americans dumb or ignorant. I never define the nation by the actions/ words of some braindead cunts. What im saying does not apply no normal American people (aka the majority) who have respect and compassion for the tragedy which is happening overseas. I don’t give a flying fuck if I sound rude and if your feelings are hurt, but I’m REALLY absolutely done with your pathetic whining on Twitter/ tik tok etc about how you are going to die in a stupid war, how you’re going to be nuked, how Russia will invade the US or vice versa. SHUT UP. Repeat after me: it’s not about the US. Biden and NATO officials have already said they are not going to interfere with the Russian invasion. Americans won’t be drafted, neither ordinary people, nor the us army. Take a deep breath and chill. If you don’t know much about the origins of this conflict and what’s going on atm (tbh nobody knows for sure), don’t spread misinformation. If you genuinely want to help, donate to Ukrainian charity or your local Ukrainian diaspora instead of sending ‘thought and prayers ✨’. Also, I don’t think you care that much about Ukrain if you call it a ‘remote shithole’... be honest with yourself. You don’t care. Just fucking don’t. You are worried about your ass being drafted so you won’t be able to drink ice latte and watch Netflix any more. That’s it

I know it’s rather pointless even to try to explain anything, but I won’t give up. I hope, despite your privilege, you still have a glimpse empathy left. So what do we have for now?

Ukraine: Ukrainian cities (Kyiv, Kharkiv, Donetsk, Odessa etc. fucking google it) are being BOMBED every day. People have to hide in the basements or in subway, because these are the only safe places. My uncle has been living in the basement for 5 days. He can’t escape to his home city (Lviv), because the roads are blocked and shelled. Violence and shootings are almost everywhere in those cities (and it’s not going to be over any soon). PEOPLE ARE DYING. Fyi Kyiv is the capital and the larger city with approximately 3 million people living there. And it’s being bombed every day. There were air raid alerts in the other, relatively safe places. Leaving your house to buy food is life fucking threatening, can you imagine that? Men of your (and my) age are being drafted and their mothers may never see them again. My 2 cousins (25 and 27) were already drafted. My cousin’s college mate was killed in Kharkiv because his house was accidentally hit by the missle strike. And sadly, very sadly, it doesn’t seem to end soon. No one will win this war

Russia: guess fucking what... we are affected by this war too. Morally, financially and physically. A lot of Russians, including myself, have relatives and friends in Ukraine (every third, I’d say). This war is very personal and painful to us. I don’t know a single fucking person who supports it. I remember Thursday, when the war was declared early in the morning... everyone was shell shocked. People still are angry, disappointed and frustrated. We are pissed our money is being wasted on murdering innocent civillians and invading other countries. Don’t be too naive, protests won’t change anything, the authorities don’t give a fuck about a bunch of people with no leader and power. Only the oligarchs and elites can overthrow the current government. Please, go tell somebody else how WE elected OUR president.. I’m not even going to comment on it, reddit experts from some fucking Idaho know better yeah. As for the sanctions.. they mean slow death. Middle class will very soon become poor. Economy is already in ruins, and it’s going to be worse and worse. Prices in grocery stores are already incredibly high, I couldn’t believe my eyes today, everything, even essential products, is 20% more expensive now. The government has no means to support economy and they have already said they are not going to provide financial help or tax credits for small business (literally fuck you). People will fucking starve soon. Also, a lot of western companies have withdrawn from the Russian market. For example, my friend’s sister works in a pharmacy and she says there won’t be any foreign medical products, including basic and life-saving medicines, from now on. She’s not the only one who says it. People will literally have to survive, because the collapse of economy and it will affect everyone. There is no way we can escape from this wasteland of a country, since now we are isolated from the outer world. I wish I could migrate to Canada or Australia, but they don’t even issue visas at this point. Tbh moving away might be even dangerous now because of overwhelming Russophobia. 2 days ago my friend was assaulted in London for talking on her phone in Russian, kids with russian last names are being bullied in Latvian schools, some Russian cuisine restaurants were looted in the US. I don’t know is it better to be unemployed broke and starving in my own country or become a subhuman in a pRoGrEssIvE western society (and I’m not even an ethic Russian)? If you think that the ordinary Russian people deserve this and should pay for the government’s decisions, may I spit at your face for Afghanistan/ Iraq and Yugoslavia? Or is it suddenly a different matter?

So please, quit your moronic ww3 hysteria. Don’t be a scumbag, stop hyping on grief and death of other humans. I can’t believe this must be said in the 21st century

P. S. The mere fact that I’m writing this and expressing my anti-war rage is dangerous for me, because freedom of speech does not exist and according to the government’s narrative if you do not support this bloodshed you’re a traitor

#it’s tured our to be too lengthy but I don’t care. I’m not going to explain it again any more #well if at least one person changes their mind after reading this #then the word will be a better place

[codename-adler]

Dear Tumblr toxicity,

Hi. Adler here. We need to talk.

- TW: mental health issues, depression, bipolar disorder, self-harm, homophobia, transphobia, coming out, xenophobia, islamophobia, racism, implied sexual content, rape, non-con, addictions, abuse, parental negligence, depictions of violence, swearing (please message me kindly if I forget anything)

- What prompted this message: The release of Skam France S7 teaser (emphasis on teaser, will get into that below)

- Where I’m coming from: I will talk from the pov of a white, cis and queer 22-years-old woman (she/her); this is the pov that affects my experiences and the opinions I will share below; but my message comes from a place of deep hurt, and love

- What this is about: My goal is to share a recurring experience that has hurt me in order to spread a message of awareness, maturity, peace and love

- Central content: Skam France, Skam Wtfock, and Skam/remakes in general

From now on I will assume people have enough information for me to talk about the topics without explaining every plotline/character. There are plenty of wiki pages to help you out and I will gladly answer any (respectful) questions asked if a plothole bothers your comprehension of my message. I’m only making these assumptions in order to alleviate the text.

January 9th, 2021.

The francetv slash YouTube channel releases an unexpected teaser video for an equally unexpected seventh season Skam France. The video features Tiffany, a white, cis female teenager, going into labour from denial pregnancy just after winning what appears to be a gymnastics championship. Overall, the video and its release are very dramatic.

The character of Tiffany, also called Tiff, was previously seen on season 6 of Skam France as a bully who persecuted the main character, Lola, both at school and on social media. Outside of this characterization, nothing is known about her. It is majorly accepted that Tiff is not a liked character; she rather poses as one of the antagonists of Lola’s arc.

Now you know the details of what happened, in the most objectively possible way. 

Now I’ll speak for myself.

Before I went digging around for people’s reaction, here is what I initially thought of this video.

1) Shock: I thought Skam France was over, so... Big, big shock.

2) Excitement: I hold this web series very close to my heart. It has gotten me through depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, coming out to my best friend. To see this new development? It couldn’t bring me more joy.

3) Curiosity: I recognized Tiff immediately. I was intrigued as to what would happen to her to set off a new season in true Skam Fr fashion. As soon as she started gripping her stomach, I knew she was pregnant and wasn’t aware of it. Big, big surprise here again.

4) Numbness/Overthinking: As I stared at my screen, motionless, my mind went off. What did it mean? How did she not know? Who is the father? Do we know him? Will the baby survive? Where are the other characters? Will Lamifex be present? What? How? When? Why? Who?

5) Disappointment: No, I did not like Tiff one bit in S6. Yes, I sincerely wished for a season on either Jo (ambiguous and funny teenage girl, cis + white), Sekou (seemingly neurodivergent teenage boy, cis + black), and my favorite, Max (mysterious and grave teenage boy, trans + white) So why Tiff? It felt to me like a missed opportunity, but I did not lose hope.

So, these were the five stages of my emotional process. And then I made the terrible mistake to go look for the fans’ reaction. I didn’t even look at the YT comments, I didn’t go on Instagram, I went directly here on Tumblr. Why? I’m still asking myself that. From S1 to S6 of Skam Fr, I kept my love for the show to myself and only looked at ig and video edits. I tried once, and only once, to look it up on Tumblr, and was greeted by fervent agressivity, disrespect and hate. Why did I ever forget that after watching the S7 teaser? I still don’t know.

The reactions on this platform were wild. People are furious (I get that). People are disappointed (I get that). People are anxious (I get that). People are also verbally agressive, insensitive, hateful, disrespectful and bullies. I don’t get that.

Comments along the lines of “What she gonna do with a fucking baby?”, “Are we gonna watch the baby do nothing all fucking season?”, “Wowwww, teenage pregnancy, so new and relatable!” (note the sarcasm made in the comment here), “Who gives a shit about Tiff?”, etc. 

And then all the mistakes Skam Fr ever made flooded back onto the feed. The wlw misrepresentation, the whitewashing, the overdramatization, the dubious sex scenes between minors, all of it.

Let’s take a break here. Do I condone these mistakes? Nope. Am I a white-bully apologist? Nope. Did I forget every horrible action Tiff has made in the past? Nope. She manipulated a whole school against Lola, she profited from Lola’s mother’s death, she bullied her, harrassed her, pushed her deeper into mental distress. Tiff was a despicable character that I never once liked. The way she was played by the actress made it clear that Tiff was not intended to be a good guy. If I could replace her as the main of S7, I would, in a heartbeat. I’d choose, as I said, Jo, Sekou or Max.

Skam France deeply lacks diversity and made mistakes when attempting to diverse the issues represented. This is not an opinion, it’s a fact. 

Poc representation is very, very low. Only one season has a woc of Islam beliefs as mc (Imane, S4) with poc entourage/family. Only 2 other characters not related to Imane were poc (Sekou and Sarah, S1-S2). These 2 characters were very in the background and served to further the mc’s plotline, they had no real content. (I am not a poc, and so my opinion does not matter here. If you are not poc, your “opinions” don’t matter here, this point is not for you to debate. These are facts.)

While I do not particularly find the wlw representation bad, I do understand how it hurts/bothers other queer women. From my perspective, the bar was very low regarding my expectations of the Lola/Maya pair (none of them died *yay* they had a happy ending *yay* they were not typically overfeminized or overmasculinized *yay* Lola  and Maya were respectful of each other, understood each other, accepted each other with all their flaws and their beauty *yay* I truly believed in their love and it gave me confidence and hope *yay* I ould really go on but this is not my main point so I’ll stop here) Regardless of my opinion on Mayla, I understand that to some queer women, it was bothering/hurtful. (If you are anything other than a woman / wlw, this point is not for you to debate. Keep your “opinions” to yourself, it does not matter here. These are facts.)

Like every remake of the original Skam where the S4 was given to Sana/Imane, the Muslim community was not represented at its best, at its most beautiful and respectfully. The character of Imane, although she is my favorite girl of the series, was not portrayed in a way that respected the majority of the Muslim community. (If you are anything other than Muslim, this point is not for you to debate. Our opinions do not matter here. These are facts.)

And so the same goes for the portrayal of sexual assault and child pronography in S2, of mental illness and homophobia in S3, of disabilities in S5, of addiction, transphobia, self-harm and neurodivergence in S6. Again, if you are not part of these communities, your opinions do not matter on these issues. These are facts that are not up for debate.

In other words, Skam France, as well as the original Skam, Skam Wtfock, Skam España, and probably all the others I haven’t watched in their entirety, are NOT perfect shows. They (maybe) tried their best to portray issues of the younger generations that are ugly, shameful, taboo, hard-to-swallow-pills. Of course they made mistakes. Of course they have to be held accountable. Of course they can and should do better. Of course it must be spoken about.

Here is my problem.

The so-called “fans” shamelessly SHITTING on the WHOLE show because of ONE TEASER TRAILER. (btw, this is where I get angry)

I am not talking about the fans making fun of the show and this season’s premise like “Better MCs than Tiff for S7: a romance between the car that almost hit Lucas S3 and the car that hit Arthur S5, or the school’s nurse, or Imane’s dad, or Elu’s rabbit” (that shit’s funny and I’d watch all of these).Or the joke about Wtfock and Skam Fr shaking hands while signing the same contract to disappoint the fans with white MCs (it’s funny cuz it’s trueeeee).

I am not talking about the fans criticizing the producers’ choice of Tiff as MC. There is a difference between shitting on issues and adressing/discussing them. I WANT to talk about how this season’s issue would have been so much better if a woc, specifically a black woman, had been the MC, because black women and doctors are a whole different level of issue than white women and doctors. Add on top of that an unplanned teenage pregnancy? It would have been IMMACULATE. I WANT to talk which wlw couple was better represented, Mayla or Croana/Crisana, and why is that. I WANT to talk about disabilities in black and poc communities. I WANT to talk about headcanons, AUs, to rectify the missed marks. I WANT to talk about our takes on seasons about Max, Sekou and Jo, instead of Tiff’s.

I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SHITTY, NEGATIVE, UNHELPFUL, HURTFUL COMMENTS.

Just because the protagonist is white, doesn’t give you ANY right to dismiss the issue that is unplanned teenage pregnancy. This is a problem that affects countries WORLDWIDE. Do you know how many deaths are related to minors giving birth? Do you know how many babies die at birth from these pregnancies? Do you have any idea the trauma it puts you through, to go into labor without even knowing you were pregnant in the first place, and then giving birth, and then having to care for a defensless human being? The dilemma of keeping it, or giving it away? The fear that lives in every person able to give birth, that one day they’ll become pregnant, because society turns sych a shameful look to that? No matter your ethnicity, your gender identity, your sexuality, your political stance or whatever shit you bring up to justify your disgraceful and downright degrading comments, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT A MINOR GIVING BIRTH IS NOT AN ISSUE. 

You think the topic has been covered plenty before? Yeah, because shows like “16 and pregnant” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” are such good examples and show the reality with such an objective point of view! 

Bullshit. Teenage pregnancy is still a taboo, it still kills, and people are still morons about it. 

“Well I guess everybody is secretly pregnant now!” No, Jessica, but you wouldn’t know about it, would you? Because I wouldn’t tell you shit if you were my “friend” and I was going through it. The whole message of all the Skams is not that it presents super relatable issues of teenagers, although it is a big topic of the show. They present some issues that affect the youth in an authentic light, but that’s not it.

Tous les gens que tu rencontres mènent un combat dont tu ignores tout. 

Sois indulgente. Toujours. x x x

//

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Be kind. Always. x x x

THAT’S THE MESSAGE. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SHOW.

And you all missed it.

All of you making dead baby jokes and death threats, degrading people who give birth, shaming teenagers for their pregnancies... Listen to yourselves.

“Well she deserves it, she was such a bitch!” No, Michael, you shit stick. Let’s rewind a bit for you, yeah? It was a GOD DAMN TEASER. We literally know nothing! Nothing at all! Why are y’all getting mad when we saw 3:25 minutes representing a whole ass season! Listen to yourselves. Y’all judge so fast for people pretending to love Skam and its authenticity and its motto.

You say Tiff is irredeemable?

Emma cheated on her boyfriend.

Manon lied and manipulated her friends.

Lucas was homophobic and prejudiced agaisnt mentally ill people.

Imane was homophobic too and went behind her friends’ back to get what she wanted.

Arthur cheated on his girlfriend too.

Lola dragged Elliot down with her in her addiction, lied, was verbally abusive, etc.

ALL THE MAINS ARE PROBLEMATIC.

Any guess why?

BECAUSE THEY ARE TEENAGERS. THEY ARE STILL GROWING AND LEARNING.

Yet we still loved them all. 

So don’t you dare tell me that Tiff deserves this, that her baby deserves to die, that teenage motherhood is irrelevant. Motherhood is not a curse in the first place, nor is it something to wish to inflict upon anyone. Motherhood is different for every single person and nobody except the person living with it can have an opinion on that. We don’t even know if the baby survived, for God’s sake!

There is no excuse for this kind of behavior..

It makes me so angry. Women are discriminated against in a fandom I thought was safe, again and again and again. 

I have to stop here because, well, this is just too much. There is much wrong with Skam (the original AND all the remakes), but there is even more wrong with the fans. I’m done.

You don’t support the show anymore? Fine, then don’t watch it! If I really am wrong, the number of viewers will go down and the show will die, just like you wished. There is no need to be vicious about it. 

I hope y’all are proud of your misogyny. 

Sincerely,

Adler.

#skam france #skam fr #skam fr s7 #fandom toxicity #toxic fandom #toxic fans #intersectionality #elu #skam elu #skam #mayla #skam mayla #lamifex #imane bakhellal #lucas lallemant #elliot demaury #lola lecomte #emma borges #manon demissy #arthur broussard #david hourregue

[ficforthought]

The state of fandom, J2 things & me being done with shitty people!

So, I’m late to the party however 2021 is finally here. To date not an improvement on 2020 but the year is still young and there are always positives to be found for those who care to see them. Even though Supernatural is over now *muffled sobs* some out there still can't get over their issues with the show or the finalé enough to stop constantly bitching about it. Everyone has their opinion, I'm not 100% happy with it myself but we got so much good stuff that the ending was fitting and mostly positive. I firmly believe that Dean did deserve better, though I was as prepared for his death as much as I could be because it was what I anticipated would happen, though hoped it wouldn’t actually happen. It doesn't make it any less heartbreaking or mean that I don't wish he'd got more time with Sam and Miracle, it just means that I've accepted what we got which ultimately was Sam and Dean together forever, and that's what I wanted above anything else. Almost two months after the show has ended I'm seeing the same things time and time again, some from seasons ago...like six or seven seasons ago! SMH.  I've never actually had my say on it publicly because I chose to step away to process it all. Now I'm bored of the same things being said ad nauseam so I'm laying out my thoughts on the situation as a whole and then getting on with my fandom life.

I have always been - and will always be - a Jensen/Dean girl, however I also adore Jared/Sam and have no interest in seeing any BS about either of them. Why people feel the need to put one down to make 'their' J look 'better', I will never know. Why people question J2's friendship and say it's not going to be solid after the show is also beyond me. It'll certainly be different because they won't be physically spending the time together like they did, but the core relationship is still there, that doesn't just go away because they're not on set together. They're both moving on to other things which is hard to see, but also great as well because they will have new audiences and new showcases for their talents. New doors will be opened and they can explore their passion projects with what lessons they learned on SPN. They gave us so much for fifteen years, the least the fandom can do is let them move on to those new things in peace, right? Let the drama and infighting stay in the past. None of us will ever forget SPN, least of all J2, so anyone who actually cares about the actors and not just characters, IMO, should to continue to support them...but if people don't want to do that? That's fine, nobody is forcing us to watch everything they do from now on. Liking Sam and Dean is enough, not everyone is interested in what J2 or other cast members do from here on out but for the love of everything you hold dear, STFU and move on with your bitching. I'm not saying I'll watch everything they're involved in but I'll support J2 with everything I have regardless of whether I watch whatever it is, because I do care. That also goes for my other favourites from the cast. Support comes in many forms - a simple reblog, retweet or liking an IG post is all support and the minimum those of us who spend a lot of time on social media can do, it's a few taps on the screen or clicks of a mouse. We should also never forget that J2's biggest supporters are J2 themselves, no matter what. They are under no obligation to like each other's posts or publicly support everything the other does - yes, it's nice to see that, however, there is more to life than social media. None of us know how much J2 and the other cast communicate with each other privately. They let us into their lives for a decade and a half, they openly talked about their friendship, their families, and their own children. I know more about J2's kids than I do about any of my colleagues’ kids and grandkids, not because I want to (it's none of my business) but because they've put it out there so it's impossible to avoid. They’re actors, they didn’t have to do that but they chose to because they’re wonderful humans and know that the majority of the SPN Family are good people.

Everywhere I turn ATM there are more and more Jared articles and pictures because of Walker and Mantra Labs, and you know what? Even though I'm a Jensen girl I'm genuinely happy for Jared, and am looking forward to Walker and everything that will bring him. Am I bitter that there's been so little Jensen content? No. Disappointed? Yeah, a little, but that's because I always want Jensen content, why wouldn't I? He's amazing, and his time in the spotlight will come but for now its Jared's turn and I'm proud of how well he's doing, all the attention for Walker and other things going on in his life, like the Men's Health article. He looks so happy and excited to work on new things.

From a Jensen PoV I'm thrilled we've had the - too short but still lovely - snow covered snippets, and we've got all of the filming and BTS stuff to come from The Boys S3, then all the build up to it airing as well as when we finally get to see it. It's going to be a very long wait (and JFC does it already feel like a long wait!), but it will be worth it.

I said last year that 2021 would see changes here in terms of who I follow, what content I post etc and you'll start to see that. I will unfollow anyone who repeatedly posts negative and/or derogatory comments about either J, or any cast member I care about. I don't like seeing shit about those I have no interest in, either, but I make use of filters so I don't see very much anyway. Twitter continues to be a cesspool of hate and toxicity, it's never going to change but the mute/block functions are there to be used. It's never possible to only see positive things in life, but I certainly intend to do my part to make my online fandom experience as positive as possible. I know lots of you here do the same thing, so that's already a bonus! Other fandoms will be on my blog as well as SPN and I always tag so feel free to filter those out, or if you're only interested in my SPN posts and/or fics, hit that unfollow button here if that's what you feel you want to do, and subscribe on AO3 instead if you only want fic. It's all good, do whatever you need to do to tailor your experience to your specifications. Fandom spaces should be somewhere we enjoy being otherwise there's just no point.

OK, I think I'm done! 😆 Happy new year and I hope everyone is keeping themselves and other people safe and healthy.

#my thoughts #supernatural #SPN #j2 #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #fuck the antis #walker #fandom #positivity

[bitterxweetencounters]

~5 months later~

Ok I lied. I’m not going to talk about my Japan trip in this post. Instead I’m going to provide an update on what’s been going on in my life for the past 5 months since my last post. Lol. 

Okaaaay. So we ended up having a second wave. Hahah..aha..hah. A very intense and overwhelming one, at that. There was a day I believe when the number of new covid cases reached almost 800? It happened around mid this year. I remember it being a really devastating and disappointing period of everyone’s lives. It would seem like the number of new cases would only get worse everyday. I would be so put off from watching the news or reading about anything related to covid ‘cause it would only make me depressed. 

Today is a notable day to write this post ‘cause today’s the first day, since this second wave started, that VIC reached 0 new cases and 0 new deaths. 4 stages of lockdown (plus an extension) later, we're finally here! Everyone up until this day had been feeling it - despair, restlessness, anger, hopelessness - at this lockdown that seemed would never end. But today we got the news that VIC will be re-opening again (1st stage) this Wednesday (it’s a Monday today), then even more on Nov 8. The glimmer of hope we’ve been waiting for, for literally months now. 

Now for the non-covid related updates. Lol. 

It’s tempting sometimes to overgeneralise 2020 as “the year wasted”. “Nothing happened this year” (besides covid of course). But there have been a few new things I’ve experienced this year which I think would be worth noting. And a few thoughts I’ve been having lately that I really need to deposit somewhere before I forget them. 

Ever since I became single early this year, I’ve received some interesting dm’s via Instagram. One of the first ones was from this guy from Canada, who sent me one of my posts via my DM then proceeded to comment “cute haha *monkey covering it’s mouth emoji*”. I got this message while I was showering, at like 3am, so it was pretty unexpected. This was the beginning of a very strange friendship (?) thing. Long story short, and around a month later, I found out him to be a very strange guy. He was cute, seemed like a catch at first. BUT he gave off major player vibes and also, he was basically 4-5 years younger than me, and didn’t live up to the maturity he claimed to have (emotional maturity mainly). He would make it seem like he was after a relationship with me sometime in the future but also kept implying that he wasn’t necessarily after a relationship right now, and just wanted to “go with the flow”. He was always complimenting me, always wanted to FaceTime everyday, and would sweet talk me with things that were nice to hear. But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was bad news and wasn’t really serious about any of this (I even kept telling him I was thinking this). I should mention he was asking for a selfie and wanted to FaceTime from the very first conversation we had (after only exchanging a few messages). We didn’t even know each other yet?? Lmao. After a few weeks of talking to him I eventually caught him in a lie, and yeah. That was one of the biggest red flags. I had a weird feeling about him from the get go, but I guess I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt (and also what threw me off a lot is that he told me that he told his Mum about me - but I’ll never know if that was just a lie too). He also told me that he was going to visit here from Canada in August (it’s October now) and kept going on about how he wanted to spend a whole week out of the two weeks he was going to be here, with me, and how I’m so chill and fun to talk to that we would have so much fun spending time together. Lmaooo. He told me he’s dated a lot of older girls (I’m not sure if this is a fetish of his), but every time I asked him how many exes he’s had, it would always be a different number (which is hella sus ‘cause it seemed like he was lying then). He tried to do some weird sexual stuff as well which I never entertained and pretty much shut him down straight away whenever he tried. Not sure if he was just joking, but it was disturbing nonetheless. I won’t go into detail ‘cause this isn’t the place for it. It eventually got to a point where I was decided on the fact that I couldn’t take this guy seriously and didn’t want to waste both our time so I started replying less/later to his messages, basically friend-zoned him by calling him “man” and “dude”, and teased him about other girls saying that he had potential with them. I think he eventually got the hint ‘cause one day he just stopped texting me “good morning” everyday. Lol. But anyway, yeah that was more or less the main stuff about guy #1. 

Guy #2 was from London and it started with one of my girl friends messaging me and asking me if I was talking to someone at the moment. I said I wasn’t and she proceeded to tell me that one of her boyfriend’s friends found me really pretty and wanted to follow me on Instagram. She then sent me a few photos of him (screenshots from his IG account), asking if I would be interested (I felt like I was on a dating site for a moment lmao). While flattering, I remember thinking this was so bizarre. To be honest with you though the guy wasn’t my type (looks-wise). My friend said he was “a real sweetheart”. Even though he wasn’t my type, I gave it a chance and told her that I don’t mind him following me. We both agreed that the guy and I had nothing to lose, and if anything we’d just become international friends. Lol. So soon enough the guy follows me on IG and then starts a convo via DM. He introduces himself, seemed like a nice/decent guy. Very articulate, and well versed. He would comment on my stories here and there and try to get a conversation going, try to get to know me better and try to share things about himself. I think I recall him saying he thought I lived in Japan ‘cause I had a lot of posts from Japan. Lmao. It would get to the point though where he would write massive paragraphs, but the energy wasn’t called for, and didn’t feel mutual. I think I found it a bit overwhelming and felt like he wanted to take every opportunity to write an essay about his views on everything. There was a particular time I did an IG story post where I was venting about something, and he replied to it with like two long paragraphs worth of his thoughts, and then said he would be there for me even though we didn’t really know each other that well yet etc. Which was really sweet - yes. But also felt too early, premature. It almost felt like he was trying to forge an emotional connection too early on in a relationship which wasn’t even at the friends stage yet. We’d only been talking for like 2 weeks or so. I couldn’t help it, but I think my neutral and short replies gave off a hint, and he commented less and less on my stories. Till eventually he stopped altogether. Lol. Also I think I may have accidentally called him “man”....on purpose. I feel like a horrible person. There was a point early on though that I looked through his IG profile and tried to find things about him that I liked (I basically tried to convince myself that maybe the guy wasn't so bad). But I think that wasn’t successful. And yeah, it was hard to hide that fact for long I think. 

Guy #3 is this random guy that just followed me out of no where and liked a bunch of my photos on IG all at once. He then started commenting on my stories quite a lot. He would leave brief comical comments, and tried to get me to play animal crossing with him. Lol. He tried to start a convo one time but I didn’t reply to it for a few hours, and then found that he deleted it. Lol?? He would then like a few more of my IG pics. He was a bit strange. I wasn’t quite sure if he was trying to show that he was interested, or if he was just bored and wanted more friends. But yeah he doesn’t comment on my stories much anymore.  Now that I’ve gotten those out of the way, just thought I’d go on about my recent thoughts. So lately I’ve been feeling really stuck. I have a quarter-life crisis pretty much every day. I feel like I’ve plateaued, and I’m not really growing much right now. I feel like I need new experiences, new company. Most of the ones I have at the moment aren’t serving me well or helping me become a better person, if I’m honest. And I’m not happy. The company I have right now aren’t encouraging me to level up, or helping me expand my thoughts and horizons. I’ve noticed that a lot of the friends I was close to pre-covid have changed a lot, and so have I, so we’re not really offering much to each other. I’ve become so low energy lately that I find myself trying to avoid or escape dealing with people or situations that I feel aren’t worth my energy. Which I want to start doing more of from now on. I want to be more selective of the people I chose to surround myself with. I also want to find my community or a new community which I can be part of and grow from. Not sure how or where I will find that, but it’s something I’m keen on delving into more as time goes by. I want to be more myself, I want to change up my look, my fashion. I want to expand my knowledge, expand my vocabulary, expand the diversity of ways I talk/present myself or respond/reply to situations. I want to feel like I have something to offer - not only to my future partner, but to the friends I make in this lifetime. I feel like I’m too basic and uninteresting. I feel like I’m also too careful, too slow, too afraid to make mistakes. Too afraid to take risks. I want to stop “complaining about things, but doing nothing about them”. I want to be confident in myself, no matter what I feel that I am. If that makes sense. I want to speak more clearly, slower. I want to be able to speak Filipino fluently. I want to find the career that I love and work in it. I want to work with people that I can genuinely be friends with, not just colleagues or “fake friends”. I want to not care about what people will think about me, and just do me (especially on IG). I want to be unapologetically myself. But before that, I want that self to be the kind of self I aspire to be. Can you want to be different, but also want to just be yourself at the same time? Can someone confirm this? 

#personal #update #coviddays

[harahello]

i’m not tagging this as HC i so got carried away with rambling. blame the coffee and blame the feels i have for this birdbrain lol. have some thoughts on Harahel ig

not to risk moving into OP gary sue mode but i think Harahel is one of the angels that is just. full galaxy brain (lol) in terms of God. like he just knows something some of the others dont yet. i think it’s one of the reasons why he can stand in the face of Michael or Gabriel or any higher ranking angel and be respectful but not be...i guess bullied by rank or the tiers of ‘god’s fave’. he’s got this sense of understanding that doesn’t necessarily put him above anyone but sort of almost alienates him from everything. even among his kin he seems very much like an observer looking in instead of an active participant and i think this has granted him a different sense of understanding than many of his kin.

He doesn’t follow blindly and I think he exhibits a lot of fallen angel behavior despite not having fallen with the others but he still sincerely believes in God’s will and the good intentions at the end of the day and does act according to the ways he believes God would prescribe him to. even though i think many other angels would venture to say his behavior would never be condoned by their creator. he’s loyal to his creator but doesn’t necessarily act like the majority that also claim to be.

there are things about the host and about his creator that Harahel genuinely sees as harmful and hurtful  and bad but he doesn’t feel resentment over it and he doesn’t feel anger towards God. he feels disappointment and sadness but never anger.

but also i think he understands the complexity of it and how even for a creator of such scale a road of good intentions can be paved with pain and can hurt those that walk along it. 

it’s not a matter of God being intentionally malicious or flawed but the fact something so far above anyone’s understanding struggles to not burn his creations even with the softest of touches. Kind of like how Harahel knows so much he almost knows nothing, I think God is so powerful that even in the wake of creation there is destruction almost as a byproduct. 

he doesn’t fully understand God’s will and he believes no one truly does and I think it’s very common for him to stand his ground against any of his kin that would try and say they do. 

#;ooc #oh this is a mess dont read this lmaooo #im just word vomiting on main aaaaaa #tbd

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Non-Character

anonymous said: Hiii can you please do a Gwilym!Brian x Reader where the reader is really into Roger ( he's into her as well ) but Brian has a crush on the reader and they are outside the college laying in the grass looking at the stars talking about life and stuff? Thank you very much ❤️

(a/n: i’m not really sure where this picture came from after ben’s ig, i found it on google images. it’s where i find most of my pics but if this is yours PLZ LET ME KNOW i will credit you. same with every post!!!! i have a bad tendency to collect pictures without sources. im dumb ok thank u thas all)

“Are you sure I have to show up to this night class?” Roger lamented, nodding at Brian as he held open the door of the Student Union for the two of you. “I could just skip and go to the library with the both of you, I bet the lecture’s going to be shit anyways.”

“No, Rog, you need to go to class. It’s once a week, you’re not going to kick the bucket because of one little 3 hour class one day a week,” you admonished, giving Roger a warning look and trying not to smile as he gave you that same innocent, doe-eyed look he gave you every time he wanted something. He knew how to play all of your weaknesses, but you weren’t having it this time, no matter how adorable he was.

Catching up with you two, Brian nodded and pulled his knapsack a bit farther up his shoulder. “Y/N’s right. I reckon you should go, it’s not like we’re going to do anything grand you’ll miss out on at the library.”

“Thank you, Brian,” you said, smiling at him before looking back at Roger and resting a friendly hand on Brian’s upper arm. “See, the brain has spoken. Just go to class, mate.” You didn’t notice, but Brian’s breath caught in his throat as you rested your hand on him, and he mentally cursed himself for letting you have that much of an effect on him. He almost made an audible noise of disappointment when your hand did return to your side.

Roger pouted for a moment, then sighed and deflated a bit as he realized he wasn’t going to get anywhere in this conversation. “Alright, I’ll see you both tomorrow morning, right?” he asked, giving Brian a friendly hug before picking you up in a hug and making you squeal from laughter, your arms wrapping around his neck as he spun you around once. Sitting you back on the ground carefully, he then gave you a proper hug and Brian could feel his chest tightening as Roger whispered something into your ear that only you could hear. “And I’ll see you tomorrow night, love.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, Roger’s words making you dizzy as you looked forward to tomorrow night even more. Pulling away from the hug, he gave you a quick kiss on the cheek, then bid you both farewell as he jogged off to his night class.

After watching him for a moment and smiling widely, you turned to face Brian, who looked mildly uncomfortable as he looked off after Roger still. “You alright?” you asked, moving into his line of sight and snapping him out of what seemed like a mini-trance.

“Yeah, yeah,” Brian said after a moment, smiling bashfully and moving his hands to hold the straps of his knapsack. “Think the food from the Union is having a row in my stomach, I’ll be alright, though. Library?” he asked, desperate to change the subject.

“Well, it’s nice out now, so I was thinking maybe we could go over to the park instead? It’s quiet there, and we’d be able to do all of our studying still.” You gave Brian a semi-concerned look, then glanced down at the park for a moment before looking back at him. “If your stomach is upset, maybe some fresh air would be better for you anyways?”

Brian mulled over the thought for a moment, mainly so he’d forget about Roger and just focus on you. After a moment, he nodded. “I can’t say no to nature.”

“I know,” you giggled, grinning widely as you held out your arm for him, which he took carefully. As you started walking towards the park, which was just down the hill, you kept talking, which allowed Brian to remind himself not to read too much into you knowing personal things about his life. You were his friend, not his girlfriend. Not his girlfriend. “I think I’ll stay in London, I haven’t much to do back in my hometown that’s worth moving for. Maybe I’ll get a second or third job… What are your plans for the summer break, Bri?”

“Me?” Brian asked, pulling himself out of his self-pitying state and standing up a bit straighter as he thought about it. “I’ve decided I’ll stay in London too. But I think I’ll only get a second job, and I suppose that’s all you should do too. Otherwise, how would we all get to spend time together?” He knew he wanted to say you and I, but he forced himself to say ‘we all,’ more for his heart’s benefit than anything.

You laughed at the thought, and as you neared an empty picnic bench at the park, you looked up at him with a teasing look on your face. “What if I don’t want to spend time with you all? Sometimes, you chaps get on my nerves, honestly. I think maybe I’ll take a break from you lot this summer.”

“Ouch,” Brian feigned hurt, laughing as he sat across from you on the picnic table and started unpacking his bag. As you did the same, he glanced at you for a moment and his heart skipped a beat at how happy you looked, surrounded by grass and trees, by air, and by him. He wanted so badly for you to look up and realize the same thing, but you were preoccupied with your books, so he chewed on his lip anxiously before looking back down and trying to focus on what was in front of him.

You both got most of your work knocked out by the time the sun was setting, so you decided to call it a night with the studying and instead just talk, since it was still nice out. Somehow, you got on to the topic of your favorite childhood memories, and that conversation carried you straight into pure nighttime. Neither of you really noticed until you looked up when you were laughing at something Brian said and you were surprised to see brilliant stars adorning the night sky.

“Wow,” you breathed out, admiring the night sky and smiling in wonder as your eyes twinkled under the cosmos. Brian watched the reflection of the sky in your eyes, smiling softly to himself at how beautiful you were, the cosmos swirling in the blown-out pupils of your eyes and your jaw slightly slack as you marveled at the unknown.

“The universe is beautiful, isn’t it?” Brian asked, finally looking up to the sky and being blown away at how clear it was tonight. To save his neck some pain, he got up and stretched before going to the side of the picnic table and laying down on the hillside, resting his hands on his stomach and staring up at the sky.

“No wonder you’re astrophysics,” you murmured, still enraptured by the sky. After a moment, you joined him on the grass, laying right next to him and staring up at the endless universe, wondering how infinite it really was. “God, it just goes on forever, doesn’t it? It makes everything seem so pointless.”

“The joy of being astrophysics, yes,” he chuckled, glancing over at you for a second before looking back up at the sky. “The universe is a wild and wonderful thing. So much future, so much potential there.”

“Speaking of future, what are your future plans, Bri?” you asked, genuinely curious. You’d never really been able to tell if he was going to finish his Ph.D. or just drop it all for his band – for an emotionally involved man, he was remarkably detached from it all at times, which made him hard to read.

“I think I’d like to finish my thesis eventually,” he said, stretching and yawning. “Not sure when that will be, however. If the band takes off, well… might be a little detour along the way.”

“When the band takes off, will you guys remember poor little me? I’d like to be remembered once you’re all famous and glamorous.” You grinned, teasing him, but he nodded, taking you seriously.

“If you think any of us will ever forget you for a second, you’re about as daft as a doorknob.” That got you laughing and you hid your face, shaking your head as Brian grinned at you. “What’s your plans, Y/N?”

You subsided your giggles and uncovered your face, still smiling as you hugged your waist and considered the concept for a moment. “I’m not sure, really. I like living day to day, not really sure where I’m going in life. Brings about a lot of adventure when you don’t make plans, eh?”

“That, or drains your bank account,” Brian joked, receiving a playful eye roll from you in response.

“You’re so straight-laced sometimes,” you teased back, shaking your head and hugging yourself tighter. “Must be all the science classes.” Brian only smiled at that, both of you quieting and looking at the sky again. You couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty again, murmuring to yourself, “Incredible.”

“Puts life into perspective, doesn’t it? How no matter what we choose for our future, we’re all going to end up as the same cosmic dust we arose from.”

“Incredibly depressing, Brian,” you laughed, elbowing him gently. “You should have been an English major… I almost did, actually. We could have had classes together.”

“You, English?” he asked, raising an eyebrow but not looking at you. “Like, just English?”

“English Education. Yeah, I know. Me, a teacher?” You giggled at the thought, toying with the necklace that was resting on your collarbones. “I’m nowhere near that personality type. You’ve got that locked down, but I’m too harebrained.”

“You’re not harebrained,” Brian refuted, frowning a bit and looking over at you. “You’re just a bit all over the place. You’re a lot like Roger.”

He regretted saying that as soon as he brought it up, Roger’s name bringing a smile to your face and making him irrationally jealous since it wasn’t his name doing that to you. It should be him. He’d never forgive himself for letting you slip through his fingers, but it was too far gone to go back on it now.

He’d had his chance, long before you’d even properly met Roger. You were over at Brian’s every night, you did everything together. In fact, you two were the inseparable ones, and Brian thought that would last forever. He’d grown used to having you attached at the hip, so he hadn’t thought twice about introducing you to Roger. Never did he suspect that it would be your undoing.

“Y/N! C’mere, love!” Brian had called to you, beckoning you over with his hand as you’d stood across the room, chatting with a friend of yours you’ve long since forgotten. You’d glanced over at him, and a wide smile passed over your lips as you’d seen him watching you with a grin, a mysterious, shorter blonde man to his left watching you as well. 

You excused yourself and crossed the room, reaching out and taking Brian’s hand delicately. He’d encompassed your hand with his and twirled you, eliciting a giggle from your lips before he pulled you into his side, wrapping his arm securely around your shoulder and giving you a squeeze as he grinned down at you, a wide smile still plastered on your face.

“You alright, Bri?” you’d asked, holding out your drink to cheers with him really quick. He’d clinked his glass to yours and lifted it slightly before taking a drink, then swallowed it quickly and cleared his throat.

“Y/N, I’d like you to meet Roger Taylor. He’s the drummer in my band that you still haven’t come to see,” he had teased gently, giving you a pointed look. You laughed at that and shook your head, then you’d finally looked over to the blonde man who held out his hand and smiled warmly.

You took his hand and shook it politely, smiling toothily at him. “Hello, Roger. I’m Y/N, obviously. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Y/N,” he’d replied, his voice higher and coarser than you’d originally expected. You did notice that his eyes were a dazzling shade of blue, and complimented his shaggy blonde hair that fell over his face in disarray.

You reached up to take Brian’s hand that was resting on your shoulder, intertwining your fingers and letting your hands rest there together as you struck up a conversation between you all. Brian’s thumb had ran over your knuckles absentmindedly as you rested your head on his shoulder, and to the untrained eye, you two would have looked like a perfectly content couple.

But then you finally came to a Smile show, which turned into a Queen show, which turned into more nights at Roger’s and less nights at Brian’s, until they were practically all nights at Roger’s. Brian figured maybe it was his curse, as he’d tried getting over you with Mary, which only ended up with Mary in Freddie’s arms and not his as well.

But either way, you’d went from total strangers with Roger to his second half. It was like Brian was an in-between, a stepping stone.

“Bri, do you think Roger and I are a good pair?” you asked after a moment, your voice softer and a bit more vulnerable. Brian slowly pulled himself out of his flashback to the simpler days, then slowly went over what you said.

He swallowed hard. “Why do you ask?” he managed, fighting the tremor that threatened to plague his voice. You shrugged, looking over at him for a moment as the smile escaped from your lips and worry filled your eyes.

“I always think he’s too good for me,” you admitted, chewing on your lip nervously. “Like, it feels like he likes me, but at the same time, he’s so… Roger. And I feel like he could just be faking it for a quick little thing with me. He has so many options, so many beautiful, better options.”

Brian couldn’t help but chuckle at that, albeit a tad bitterly. “A quick thing? You guys have been inseparable for what, a year now? I think you’re a bit safer than you’re letting yourself believe, sweetheart.” Looking up at the sky again, he swallowed hard again and tried to ignore the heat filling his face. “And it’s the other way around. If anything, you’re too good for Roger. He’s lucky to have you. I don’t think he’d ever try to fuck that up, or he really is mental.”

“Aw, Bri, you mean it?” you cooed, blind to the unrequited love that was taking place right then and there. You just thought he was being a good friend, and you were wildly misunderstanding, which killed Brian.

He felt his chest swelling, and not in the good way. He quickly realized he was about to tear up, and the salty tears stinging at his eyes confirmed that fear as he turned his head slightly away from you. Jesus, Brian, you’ve really outdone yourself this time. Crying over your best friend’s girl, just because you can’t have her.

“Yeah,” he managed to reply in a quiet voice, stretching again and scratching his neck. “Yeah, I really do mean it.”

“You’re such a sweetheart, Bri,” you murmured, still staring up at the sky and thinking about seeing Roger tomorrow night. You couldn’t wait to see him again, even just the thought of his beautiful eyes sending a shock throughout your body. He was electric, and you craved his energy tonight, but all good things come to those who wait.

Unbeknownst to you, Brian was letting the tears roll down his face silently, tearing himself up inside as he reckoned with the fact that it was never going to be him that you thought about at night. It was never going to be him picking you up in bear hugs. It was never going to be him taking you out at night, or staying in with you at night. It was never going to be him, whispering secrets in your ear, or him skipping class to spend time with you.

He was just the background character, a supporting act, and he figured it was nobody else’s fault but his own. Brian had dug his grave as a non-character, and now he had to lay in it.

taglist: @crosmopolitan @just-ladyme @rogerfxckingtaylor @fourmisfitz @shae-is-not-ok @moreinfinite

#gwilym!brian x reader #gwilym!brian imagine #gwilym lee!brian may #gwilym!brian #borhap imagine #ben!roger x reader #ben!roger #ben hardy!roger taylor #sad days #ben!roger imagine

[mcrtiniblues-blog]

hey guys ! i’m kat and atm, i’m either splurging at sephora or on my way home so i can’t be on for this first wave of activity. i kinda whipped everything up between endless exhaustion from my daily routine and people constantly looming over my shoulder at work and at home, so don’t mind my theme and everything, i’m still trying to figure out what i like and that means taking a while to set up my pages sklsd plus i wasn’t expecting us to open so soon, so i’m unprepared af, BUT ! we’ll make do with this intro for now.. didn’t have enough time to finish amla’s before i got off work. now, all of that being said, this is a monster of a post, so get settled as i introduce sovana’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, plots and what not will be up later on !

( jeon somin, cisfemale, she/her. ) hey that’s hyunmi “halle” chae over by the fountain! i wonder if they took a coin out. i heard the twenty-four year old’s been in sovana for three months and they’re known to be pretty darwinian but also charismatic. a song that describes their life would be challenge by lolo zouaï and blades gliding along the surface of ice, classical music on a rainy day, & silk bedsheets always reminds me of them.  

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her ever since last year’s olympics and really wanted to use her Somewhere and Successfully, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner — aka sho — to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; hers and sho’s highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld they prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities both in canada and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

which is how, miraculously, she got accepted into uni in seoul ( still figuring out which, rip ). her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, she deemed it inevitable sfkljfdgk

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and seoul and was back on the ice in no time, joining the uni’s skating team under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it since it’s in pyeongchang, however the stars didn’t align when she just missed obtaining qualification on sk’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a few months since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she began seeing when she was “ prepared ” to give it a shot again.. so right after graduating

wrapped up a season dedicated solely to training ( meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off ) before her sister convinced her to have a proper break that wasn’t Just to appease someone else

.. even though it was to appease her sister. but she let it slide bc the kid’s the Only person who can do no wrong in halle’s eyes and she might as well keep her from stressing

literally the only instance she’ll ever, in her lifetime, Cave to someone SDFLKGSDFKL

so she picked sovana as her retreat at complete random and has been here since april

it’s a little weird to think of her Not being in her usual spots so this is as much of a ride for y’all as it is for me, the bitch doesn’t have many hobbies after all SDFKLSDF

studied history despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves history ok ??

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once. when she was like nine. with some other chick’s skating partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club back in toronto implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport/career but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane hyunmi ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she really just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you while being surprisingly thin-skinned ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

so don’t think i’m taking the piss out of anything on purpose or that she acts out of malice.. i had a better way of phrasing this but completely blanked, sorry SDFKLJDKL

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was really pretty on all of the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine, but also dance — helps with her choreo for routines too so

oH also probably still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but….. girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

#ooc tag tba. #sov.intro #this is so long and almost unnecessary.. sorry y'all #DJKSDFL

[dnly]

Promises Are Meant To Be Broken | D.S.

Daniel forgot to attend Y/N's piano recital.

warning(s): swearing, angst

word count: 1354

a/n: this one was requested by anon which was quite a while already and i forgot about it. so here it is :)) enjoy!

"Y/N, how are you feeling?" your mom asked you as you kept looking for the person you wanted to see your boyfriend.

You sighed, looking at your mom and answered. "A little bit nervous, I'm just so worried about Daniel. He hasn't called me since this morning."

"Try calling Jonah, maybe he knows where Daniel is."

You nodded as you snatched your phone from your bag and typed Jonah's number.

"Maybe, he'll surprise you or something." she tried cheering you up, "Everything's going to be okay, honey." She planted a kiss on your forehead which made you smile a little. Your mom really knew how to make you feel better.

Your mom sent you her good luck as she left you outside the auditorium. The recital hasn't started yet but you were getting anxious as time runs and Daniel is running out of time to see you perform. After few rings, Jonah answered.

"Y/N! What's up?" Jonah greeted from the other line.

"Hey, J. Is Daniel with you right now?"

"Um, no. I'm currently back in Minnesota and haven't heard from him since yesterday."

"Oh, really? How about the boys? Are they in the city?"

"Yeah, I was the only one who went home. Try calling Corbyn."

"Okay, thanks. Talk to you later."

"Yeah, you too. Bye!"

You ended the phone call which made you sigh, Daniel was being suspicious again. Like how he doesn't answer his phone. The first time he did this to you is when his phone died while he was with his family. You let that slip away because he was clearly with his family that time. You know how important family is for him and so does for you.

It didn't take long when Corbyn answered, he told you the same thing—he hasn't heard a word from Daniel since they hanged out yesterday. Though, he promised you that he'll update you if he gets any information where he is. As much as you wanted to chill about it, but you just couldn't believe he's back with him being MIA again.

"Y/N! The recital is about to start!" Georgina announced which made you get in. You got in the auditorium with your head filled with thoughts about Daniel.

•••

"Thank you so much, it means a lot to me." you gladly thanked the coordinator as you walk back to the backstage.

You asked the coordinator if they can make your performance the last one, thankfully, they let you. It gave you a little bit of hope that Daniel might make it, you never gave up because you knew Daniel will never fail you. The recital is about to end soon which made you nervous, Daniel not being around made you nervous.

"That was one beautiful performance!" the emcee cheerfully stated, "Now, for our last performance, it will be played for us by Y/N Y/L/N!" you sighed as you walk to the stage.

You didn't mind your palms sweating to death and the fact that you feel like throwing up. You knew only Daniel can make you feel like everything's going to be okay, but you had nothing to do, he isn't around to make you feel safe. You pushed back all the anxiety and smiled a bit as you head to the piano.

As you play to whatever song you practiced a couple of weeks ago, you couldn't care more, it didn't matter for you. You were too occupied with Daniel in your thoughts, you couldn't believe he missed you perform. Not that you find it unfair that whenever him and the other boys has a show, you'll always find a way to go. But it's just disappointing. You finished your performance with a tightlip smile and bowed, you left the stage without hesitation.

You just zoned out the whole finale, you barely noticed your mom called you, signalling that it was time to go.

Your mom pulled you into a hug, "I'm so proud of you." she squeezed you then you pulled away from her as you mouthed 'thank you'. "So, where do you want to eat?"

You shrugged looking down, "Let's just head home, I'm not hungry."

As you both got in the car, you checked your phone. A notification from Corbyn appeared.

>> i saw his ig story a couple of minutes ago, he went hiking with angi.

You didn't bother to reply, you just sighed and took a nap as your mom drives off.

•••

After yesterday, you didn't bother speaking to anyone, you weren't in the mood. You didn't do anything, just stayed in bed and did nothing. You were busy contemplating why was this happening to you and Daniel's relationship. Maybe to others, it wasn't that big of a deal but for you, it means a lot. Especially when Daniel promised you that he'll be there cheering you up since you get anxious when you're up on the stage.

The door of your bedroom opened, "Hey, baby." his voice was sweet and safe. You wanted to run to him and give him a hug, but it was so heavy. You couldn't move. You don't want to move.

You didn't say anything. Just cuddling on your warm bed which you stayed on majority of your time when you got home.

"Babe, you won't believe what happened yesterday. Angi and I went hiking and it was one of the best hikes I've gone to!" he cheerfully stated as he sat beside you whilst you're still laying in bed.

You didn't speak once more which made Daniel confused, he got closer to you and touched your arm. You were caught off guard, so you sit up from you laying down and rested your head on your wooden headboard.

"What's wrong?" his voice went from excited to concern real quick. You didn't bother looking at him, you were still pissed off and disappointed from yesterday.

"You tell me." you spat crossing your arm.

He didn't speak, it took him a couple of moments to talk again. "What? What did I do this time?" You looked at his direction in disbelief, he looks clueless. You just couldn't believe he forgot about it.

"Yeah, okay." you pursed your lips as you look at him, "Forget it." You snuggled again on your bed, facing the other side so you wouldn't see him.

"Here we go again..." he sounded pissed ? This fucker has to stop. I should be the one pissed off and now he is doing it.

"You did forgot, didn't you?"

"Forgot what?"

"You forgot about my fucking recital!" you burst everything out as you sat up once more. You look at him as his lips parted seeing his gap.

"Fuck." he cursed, "Baby, I'm sorry." you shook your head as you look down.

You feel humiliated, you just couldn't believe him. I wouldn't be surprise if he's going to forget about our anniversary, you thought.

"You know, Angi isn't really around since she travels a lot and she just got here the other day and asked me if we could hang-out. I kind of lost track of the time, and you know, I just missed it." Daniel reasoned. You knew Daniel forgot it but he tries to find a reason.

"Just tell me you forgot it." with a disappointed tone in your voice. He paused just looking at you in the eyes intensely, your vision gets blurry already. "I just need to hear it."

"I did." he spoke. "I-I forgot about it."

"Daniel, just leave. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"But-"

"Please leave."

And with that, he stood up and left without saying anything. You cried as he got out.

It was too much to handle, it was disappointing. What hurts is that he promised. You guess, promises are meant to be broken.

#why don't we #why dont we #why don't we imagines #why don't we music #daniel james seavey #daniel seavey imagines #daniel seavey x reader #corbyn besson #jack avery #jonah marais #zach herron #corbyn besson imagines #corbyn besson x reader #jack avery imagines #jack avery x reader #jonah marais imagines #jonah marais x reader #why dont we imagines #why dont we music #zach herron imagines #zach herron x reader #corbyn matthew besson #jack robert avery #zachary dean herron #jonah marais roth frantzich

[tbhstudying]

hi im gonna complain abt social media algorithms for a hot second

my main issues: the sensation of having my “low-effort” content gaining more attention than the content i’ve spent more time on, the difficulty in finding new studyblrs to follow, the difficulty of getting content noticed

i know this is gonna sound so whiny but sometimes, i genuinely feel like social media algorithms prevent me from feeling like my content has any real value or purpose to it. i’m like the number one person who always preaches abt how social media numbers don’t matter, but here are some things that i’ve noticed.

i feel like a lot of my low effort videos like “what’s in my pencil case” or “back to school haul” videos gain a lot more views than the ones i’ve put more thought and care into. the same goes for my ig posts as well. my posts aren’t showing up on feeds as frequently as they used to. like, one person even commented that i hadn’t shown up on her feed for ages despite posting consistently. idk, it just feels rly disappointing to sink a lot of effort into one thing and not having it pan out. 

part of that algorithim problem leads to me to start thinking smth like “hey, maybe i should gear my content towards things that seem to be popular with my followers which must be what they want to see!” however, that then leads to a fair bit of anon hate i receive that are focused around how i never put as much effort into my videos or how i don’t make as many “advice” style of videos anymore. like, if it was one hate message at a time, then i could just delete and move on with my day, but it’s kinda discouraging to wake up to see 10 new messages in my inbox about how my content is useless.

another issue i have with the algorithms is that i find that i’m unable to find as much new content from new studyblrs and studygrams anymore. it’s always the same few posts that manage to get the luck of the draw and get reblogs and likes over and over again. i’m super happy for those people, but it must be absolutely crushing for other creators pushing their content out but not reaping the same kind of reward. even when i find new content that i truly enjoy, especially on instagram, i find that it’s a reposted / stolen / not adequately credited photo which really grinds my gears. like, i have a major pet peeve with ppl reposting studyblr photos that aren’t their own without permission from the original creator + proper credit with them tagged in the caption and the photo itself. 

i suppose the difficulty in getting noticed lies also in the fact that the studygram community is simply inundated with new people and new content. however, that doesn’t change the fact that i constantly see the same posts reblogged and liked every single time on my recommended page and on my recommended feed on instagram as well.

i completely understand that my current following and position on social media allows me to gain more notes / likes / views / etc than some other ppl on the same platforms. i also understand that this entire post will probably come off as whiny. but i do truly feel like social media algorithms prevent a large majority of people within the community from getting their content off the ground. 

#anyways that's my beef bright and early in the morning #i took a break from editing videos to say this lol #seo talks

[eorzeasntm]

ENTM Tumblr Cycle 11

Round 7:  Action Movie

Hi everyone!  I’m busy preparing the new ENTM website, but that kind of work doesn’t stop a cycle in progress!  

Last week, I asked our models to go out and film a scene from an Action Movie - to get me a visible opponent and give me the coolest, most epic pose they could come up with to match it.  Our models set things on fire, got revenge on their foes from Boss Monster, and even re-enacted an old samurai drama.  But the model who put together the best action movie last week was:

Kota Tumet

Congratulations!  The decision to use the cinema frame was a smart choice, and by narrowing it down you gave this shot an excellent panoramic feel.  The judges liked the colors and lighting effects, as if you are seconds from everything behind you exploding.  Great job!

Our judges this week was the original host and founder of ENTM, Rongi Pongi.  

There is ONE MORE ROUND to go in ENTM Tumblr Cycle 11.  For those not on our Discord, next week will be our final cycle that uses Tumblr as a platform.  Tumblr Cycle will instead return next fall on our website, rebranded as ENTM Classic Cycle, with an integrated blog post, image galleries, and polls instead of using third party platforms.  ENTM Instagram Cycle will continue to be hosted on IG, of course, and YouTube cycle isn’t going anywhere either.  But the decision to move to a bigger blog means More Cycles!  More models!  More hosts!  Overall, much more ENTM!

Stay tuned for an announcement regarding our launch party in May!

For the models (and everyone else), please continue along for critiques from our judges.

Judge Terrini

Luma: You have managed to capture yourself beautifully here. Your colors pop, your pose is fun, and the lighting makes things exciting. The explosion zeroing in on your opponent makes this shot seem tense and it's captured at a delicate time where it's still prominent and doesn't completely obscure your opponent. The framing and pose makes it hard to tell if you are attacking or running away in shear terror. A wonderful shot, but a bit more cause and effect in the posing would enhance the scene. 

Ni'ko: It doesn't really come as a surprise that you love the pink and purple Mindflayer, Ni'ko, and the framing here his brilliant with the opposing sides in direct opposition and the action frozen with dynamic interaction. The only annoying factor is that the bowstring is running through your chest. 

Peaceful: A lovely dynamic action pose you have here, and the setting and costume choices are all appropriately thematic. However, the biggest trouble is the light of your skill turns much too bright against your outfit and it matters all the more with the black and white filter not allowing color to shine through at all. It might have been a bit more bearable if the shot was in color, but I think the color of your robe being so bright and white would still be an issue. Also, with the framing, I feel the upper left corner of the picture feels empty since the angle promotes looking between the bottom right and lower left. Adjusting the angle to be less from the ground and more even might help frame the buildings better, or using the cinematic movie strips would help contain the empty corners more. 

Yomu: This shot really grips me and makes me think of a simple shepherd picking up a spear to defend his flock from a giant predator. The fact that all the sheep are grazing peacefully in the bottom third, the threatening beast is in the middle third and you are aiming to strike in the top third makes this lovely pecking order that just adds to the intesity of this picture. My only disappointment is the black sheep's snout is cut off, but that's a nitpick for the sake of nitpicking, I honestly think you couldn't have arranged a better shot.

Judge Wulf

Adam! That’s a lot of fire! And it doesn’t look like you have much on, I hope you don’t get burned! I very much love the initial reaction I get from this picture: it’s very out of the box and surprised me! After that though, I find myself a bit...confused. Everything is pretty muddled, honestly, and I feel the fire is a major culprit due to this. I must admit, I am having a hard time seeing your enemy and even you to an extent. I’m very proud of you for taking a risk, but I’m not quite sure how well it paid off here. As a takeaway for this week, make sure your visibility is Priority Number 1! Even if this week didn’t do it for me, I know you’ve got some serious creativity, keep going!

Haila: I really love the shine that this shot gives, it almost has a sort of dreamlike feel to it! My eyes follow to the staff-crossing between you and Shiva, and that’s a really nice touch! Here are my notes for this week: while the opinion on back shots is mixed, I don’t think it was the best option for you this week. Since I can’t really see your face, and there’s only mostly the side of your body visible, a majority of my attention goes straight to Shiva.

Yojimbo: Ifrit is always a classic when it comes to fight scenes, I’ve noticed, and I think you’ve really taken the trope and made it your own! My favorite part of the picture is the cut line across Ifrit’s face, that has to hurt! It provides a nice line of sight to see both where you are and where the line of action is going. Here’s my note this week: you are very far away from us! I’ll admit being this far zoomed out from the action makes me as a viewer feel a little left out. It also doesn’t allow us to see you: who should be the star of the shot! I can tell you’re starting to explore outside of your comfort zone, though, so keep it up!

Yomu: PROTECT THE SHEEP! Seriously though I’d like to start off my saying that including the flock in this picture adds a level of story that for sure wouldn’t have been there without it, and for that I’m very proud of you for adding in that little detail. You’ve got a nice line of action here with each of your key players all looking in the right direction: Ratholos is looking at the sheep, and you’re looking at Ratholos.  My eyes can either go up or down the picture and it feels nice to look at and tells a cohesive story. As is the nature with jump actions and some back shots, though; you are very hard to see. Yes, you are fighting a big dragon here but remember: you are the star, and how can you be if the viewer can’t even see your head? I feel like this picture in profile would have added that level of visibility to get around this, but from this angle I lose a bit of you in that regard. Awesome job this week, though, and keep your storytelling skills up!

Kota: This is the kind of shot I expect to see either right before and explosion, or before the logo flashes across the screen. I get a sense of punctuation here, this is either a major beat or straight up the end of something big, and the black bars really accent that with a widescreen view. This is a nitpick, for sure, but my eye keeps being drawn to the light behind the boss on the left side; it’s very bright. This is probably due to the filter used and also a necessary sacrifice for the image as a whole, but just something to watch out for. Good job this week!

Judge Nadede

Bria Rirsa:  This is pretty nice shot from you this week. The expression that I see with your eyes are what one would expect to see when two swords are clashing together.The lighting within your image is nicely done. What I do find myself wishing is that you had chosen a background that perhaps felt more menacing or went with the outfits that are being worn. If/when you are trying to tell a story through the use of images, just ask yourself “do my surroundings work well with the story I’m portraying?” Another thing that does detract from your image is we have a furry little friend photobombing the lower right part of your image and what looks like might be a slight tear/clipping in the back of the other person’s outfit. It is sometimes the smallest of details that can detract from image, especially if it appears out of place. Overall good work.

Haila Wetyios:  While I feel that this is a pretty shot from you, for some reason I feel as if though you are playing it safe. The image itself is done nicely with the lighting and the composition. You even managed to get a nice image of Shiva as well. To me, though,  it does not say “action movie” much at all. I find myself wishing that there was more going on within your shot. To me, this appears as if you’re having a conversation someone and perhaps making some form of pact with them. I want to challenge you to play with your shots more. I’d like to see more of a variety from you than what you tend to go for… where your back is facing the viewer or giving us a ¾ back shot and an image that is vertical. There has been a very few times where it has been the opposite but I’d rather be surprised at what is different than seeing something the same, if that makes any sense to you. Like I said, this is a nice shot but it is too safe for me. I do look forward to seeing what you come up with for next week.

Ni’ko Shae:  The scared little kitty isn’t so scared of the mean old monsters anymore! Heck it even appears that the monsters are not too thrilled with the blinding light the tip of your arrow is making. The angle of the bow and arrow and the direction of your face helps lead the eye to the monsters and how the monsters are looking back up and you brings the viewer’s eye back around. The lighting in your image is also nice done and I am glad that neither you nor the mobs blend into the background. It was kind of bold for you to use the same dungeon from an earlier shot for a different theme, but put the two together and they tell a story that works. Overall I think you’re doing a fairly good job and looking to see what you will do next week.

Peaceful Ursa: Out of all the images I have see from you this cycle, this one I really do like and has become a favorite of mine this week. It appears that you are taking feedback and putting what is said to use, and it shows in this image. I am happy that you paid tribute to the old black and white samurai movies. I do wish that you had used the cinematic border. I think it would have made an even bigger impact with your image. The lighting in your image is almost spot on even though just a bit more on your face could have helped. The fog in the background also helps with the mood of the scene and helps separate the mountains in the background with what is in the foreground. Having your image at an angle helps give your shot a more dramatic scene as well as help helping guide the viewer’s eyes around. Overall nicely done and good job on improving each week.

Judge Ona

Adam: If “epic fire battle scene” was a thing, Adam, this image would be the definition.  There’s smoke and flames and a two people battling it out right in the middle of it all. But where all those things are epic, I don’t really understand what is going on. Are you being shot? Are you dodging the fire? Also, I am finding it very hard to see which enemy you are fighting. I hate to say it, but the effect is too strong, and I feel that I have lost Adam in the mix.

Things that I would work on, changing the viewpoint of the image. If you brought the enemy closer to the front, or yourself, and created a depth of field from the placement of yourself and the enemy it would have created a more dynamic image overall. Additionally, if you placed yourself farther from the camera point, we could have seen your face more.

Things that I love about this image, the glamour fits and I love the feeling of movement from you Adam. I wish I knew what was causing that movement though. I also love your use of the same effect through image, just be careful in the future that the effect doesn’t overtake the shot, and leave the viewer seeing more flame than Adam.

Bria: I don’t know how you managed to get the swords to stop so they were notched like this, but its an awesome screenie! I definitely feel the battle that is happening and the struggle that you and this unnamed assailant are having!

I am left wondering why you chose this location? To me, it doesn’t feel like it was chosen on purpose, and it doesn’t do much to add to the story. Likewise, it feels very constricted with the object in the background. With so much cut off I can’t tell if it is a ship, a landing platform, or something else. Finally, your minion is just chilling in the tall grass by your feet. I have a feeling they would have ran away if a fight were happening.

Things I love about this image: Your glam is beautiful. You kept two main colors, the black and dark red brown. I also love the use of this sword to create the notched effect with the other blade. I also like how you positioned the image so that you are facing the camera, but engaged with the enemy. I would make sure that you are paying attention to the entire scene and positioning of your weapon so that it doesn’t restrict so much of your face.

Luma: What a strong image this week Luma! That explosion is so powerful and definitely fits the definition of epic! I really love how you have put the judge’s critiques to use and grown. This week definitely shows that!

While this image is your strongest yet, please continue to be mindful of things such as cutting off limbs and other body parts, and the physics of your clothing. I know it’s a lapel on your jacket, but this angle puts it directly across your face, and it detracts from your expression.

Things I love about this image: Your glam. You are so very steam-punk-esque and it works with battling a big robot! I also love the lack of saturation in the colors of the image. The yellows and reds of the explosion are bright enough to make the viewer take notice, but that single whiteish flare brings the viewers eye back to yourself. I also love the use of the depth of field here, creating more focus on yourself and blurring the enemy in the back just enough to keep the focus on yourself. Just make sure your WHOLE self can be appreciated and include all limbs.

Kota: By the Twelve this is a gorgeous image! This long frame, and the use of purple tones throughout has created an epic steam-punk image for this round. It is a strong and well-crafted shot!

In looking over the image, I struggle to find much that could be improved upon. Even though everything shines with that beautiful purple sheen, your character has movement and sharpness to her that brings the eye back to her. I do wish I could see your whole body, and possibly a mask that we could see your eyes may have played to this stance more.

Things I love about this image: The color palette, especially since it creates a feel for the whole image. The glam goes perfectly with this type of boss and definitely plays into an epic movie battle. The lighting is spot on and is perfectly placed. The position of your body to the screen and the use of this frame are also very strong for this week’s theme. Overall, there really isn’t much I can say other than, Well done this week!!!

Judge Rongi

Haila: I knew this was Haila’s image before evening scrolling down enough to see her. Very signature Haila. Shiva is looking down at you, and the crossing of the staves shows some interesting interaction, so the viewer is looking back and forth and in between. The balance between you two is done really well, and the fade from white to dark blue not only in the background but also the two characters is beautiful. 

 Peaceful Ursa: I love the black and white old movie style of this shot. And this famous battle scene that everyone knows is really done well. I love the wisps of smoke we can still see that seem to be rising from the ground after you slid across it. The weakest part of this image is that I can barely see any faces, but everything is else is great. 

Adam: I am not really sure what I am looking at in this image. I can’t tell if the fire is coming from you or the monster, what monster that is, or what your pose is. I think having everything a little bit more defined in the image through use of a different angle maybe would have been a stronger choice for this image.

Bria: I would have loved for this image to be twisted back behind the male model just a few inches more so we were looking over his shoulder and into your snarling face. The look between you all and the crossing of the swords is great. My only question is why this background choice? This shot would have been perfect in a fiery or purple-aether area. 

Luma: I love how your character is riding the explosion and saying Yea!! As the boss explodes. Very movie scene feel to this shot. The straight lines coming out of the boss do make my eyes go back to him each time instead of you, but its still a strong enough image. 

Ni’ko: This is a strong image. Great balance for all creatures involved. The lines bring my eyes all over the image, and since everyone is looking at you I am still brought back to you at the end of the day. The only part of the image that needed the tiniest tweak is that your character is looking perfectly right instead of inward, so while all the mobs are looking at you, you are looking past them. Still, very strong.

Kota: A Scene straight from a movie. It looks more like you and Alexander are a team then battling though, and that little explosion on his leg doesn’t scream action packed like the other shots do this week, but you do look awesome firing a shot and then looking back at us like “I’m gonna need a bigger gun” haha. I’d have gone all out with explosions to make this an even stronger image. Great colors. 

Yojimbo: We’ve had Ifrit rounds in the past, so not only are you competing with all your fellow Cycle 11 models but also the memories of 2 past cycles. I really like that you have the camera in position so that we see the outer ring of fire and then the rest in the background, but I wish you had been closer to the camera because you are too small and far away. The right half of the image is entirely dead space. I’d have cut all that out and zoomed in more on you. 

 Yomu: Those little innocent sheep don’t even look scared as the dragon swoop in from above. Haha. Your shot this week has a great story with it, and is balanced well. Some judges don’t lie back shots, and others do, and I am one that does – but in this case not only is this a backshot, but we can’t even see your head! So I do wonder if there had been another way to at least the back of your head some how.

#ffxiv #ffxiv screenshots #entm #entm tumblr cycle 11 #eorzea's neo talent management

[slytherin-to-my-queer-kingdom]

Hey, Sly, can I just ask you all the ask? You can stop when you don’t want to anymore, but all the asks starting from 1 :)

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.i don't have a favourite movie honestly. i say it's harry potter but that's cause of the fandom that came from the book, not the movies or even the plot.2: Talk about your first kiss.can't talk about something that never happened3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.ooh so you see, i can never tell what is romantic and what is not. but currently there is someone (they know who they are..). i'm not gonna say names or anything but they are amazing and kind and really smart and i can't wait to talk to them.4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.i regret how in the past (and still to this day) i'd take stuff out on other people when i was anxious or overwhelmed. one of my major goals is to help those that i care for and while doing this, i do the opposite. therefore failing myself and the person.5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.almost every birthday party i had ended in everyone leaving early or not paying attention to me. so, i haven't done anything for a while. this year was pretty good because my friends who never talk to me talked to me a lot about gay shit and you know.. that's always fun. (we had a pride flag before the sub yelled at us)6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.i'm actually not sure, i have a really short term memory. but one year i had loads of people over and my best friend ended up feeling left out cause she didn't know anyone. so she left and other people left for various reasons. it ended wit only one person staying..7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.i don't have one. instead i have like 50 small ones that add up to one failure of a person8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.i don't have much to be proud of. if you mean in the long term i guess for trying to help people (even though i fail). also the other day i was proud of something really weird i did to my hair to make it seem short... but obviously im not most proud of that9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.i like the colour of my eyes (this is hard). i have a really light birthmark on my nose and i like that.10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.id you mean like physical then none (except my brother ut i assume that doesn't count). i've yelled at people a lot and got in those kinda fights.. i also pushed this dude (not on purpose tho) and yelled at him for saying something... still feel bad about that it wasn't his fault11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.i barely remember my dreams but when i was like 8 or 10 or something i dreamed that we had this party at our house (which is weird cause we're all introverts and would never do that) and there were lots of people over tat we knew. i was wearing these shoes that i loved at the time and i went outside. oh, there were loads of pine needles on the patio. later i opened the door and asked my dad if he'd seen my shoes. he was standing next to a pile of pine needles, holdi ng a rake with the biggest grin on this face. he pointed to a tree and there was one shoes haing on a string.. it ended in NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cause the other shoes was in the pile. it was sooo weird12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.don't remember. i never dream really.13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.i didn't and would not like to discuss imagining this 14: Talk about a vacation.i go to prague a lot because we have family there. we went in 2017 with my aunt, cousins and grandparents. that was fun15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.maybe 5th grade. i had a best friend that was in my grade and i laughed loads more than normal. i don't think i was eevn doing bad mentally.16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.uhh ive been to no like real parties. once this girl invited the entire grade and i talked to my friends and my first girl crush was there and she gave me a high five... and it was pretty fun (she ended up hating me.. i dunno why)17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.i want to e closer friends with this dude who i call China online cause he's cool and i don't think he hates me like my other irl friend do.18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.in 5th grade i was next to my friend on the swing and i punched her??? i have no clue why. but anyway, the force of the swing made the impact of the punch worse... she forgave me tho.19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.i had lots of debates and arguments at lunch in 7th grade it was pretty funny.. those people were strange. also loads of gay stuff happened20: Talk about something that happened in high school.nothing interesting happened that i can think of21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.uhhh me, turn someone down? nope22: Talk about your worst fear.i guess it's there really being nothing after death and even now. but also like me doing nothing and not mattering/having a purpose or whatever.23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.uhh nope didn't happen... 24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.on here someone answered some dumb ask i sent with this phrase and i think about it a lot... my friend and i exchange it a lot25: Talk about an ex-best friend.in kindergarten i had this best friend and she was cool dont remember much since you know.. awhile ago. we went to the fair in like 1st grade i really liked that26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.i answered this :)27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.Uhhh what. not sure that this question is saying but ig i like people's smiles and laughs and eyes and shit 28: Talk about your fetishes.uhhhhhhhhh wHaT29: Talk about what turns you on.uhhhh whatno30: Talk about what turns you off.uhhhhhhhHHHhhh31: Talk about what you think death is like.probably nothing like you just disappear and are gone and you can't think and it's all over and- sorry... i dont think there's much gonna on at that point. im not religious so i don't believe in an afterlife32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.there was ths trail we'd walk on (btw im still in my childhood so this isnt exactly past tense) and there is a bench and it's by water i love that trail thingy33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.usually it's cause someone is disappointed in me tbh and i'll lay on the ground with my blanket and just... or on my bed and then fall onto the ground34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.hmmm im not sure...35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.hurting people i love, being over dramatic, a lot of stuff...36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.everyting makes me feel guilty so like uhh anything i've ever liked37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.mmh no one i thought i was in love with and then was like nope nvm..38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.this song by paramore that's like... idk weird ig... reminds me of my godsister. country songs remind me of think, basically if you say you like something or i listen to it with you, it reminds me of you. uh gemini syndrome reminds me of winter cause she was talkign about it the other day (its pretty good)39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.i dont wish id known anything earlier. it is unsafe to try and change the past with knowledge. i'd be somewhere else entirely40: Talk about the end of something in your life.hmm noting signifigant really ended (or happened)thanks for the ask sorry i barely answered most of um

[hclles-blog]

hey guys ! this has been sitting in drafts for at least a day now, but trust me when i say i’m as excited as i was when typing this fucking monster of an intro SDKFGJKFD but i’m jules, kard and clc supremacist and a struggling student about to apply to the english faculty of my uni ! like i said, this is a super long intro, so get settled as i introduce asteria’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, extensive plots and an extra list of options are linked accordingly !

jeon somin, cis female, she/her. — have you seen ( hyunmi “halle” chae ) around ( hecate ) ? they’re a ( twenty-two ) year old ( senior ) who’s majoring in ( kinesiology. ) i know they’re busy with ( dance club, women’s volleyball, and kappa delta sorority ), but you should tell them to check their latest starred rating ! ( jules, 21, she/her, gmt-3:30. )

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her after the olympics and rly wanted to use her somewhere, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; her highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld she prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities in canada, the us and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

but the latter wound up being a bust bc she opted for asteria u, close to some of the popular yet secluded skate clubs the greats went to during their off-season training.. and before tr*mp got elected bc she would’ve cancelled everything, demanded her money and scholarships back, had she arrived after that LSDFGJFKLD

should be noted that her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, so she deemed all of this inevitable sfkljfdgk

though the school didn’t and still doesn’t offer its own skate club so, that was a slight drawback for the invested bitch

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and was back on the ice in no time, joining one of those aforementioned skate clubs under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it; however the stars didn’t align back in 2017 during her sophomore year, when she just missed obtaining qualification while now on canada’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a couple of years since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she’ll begin seeing when she’s “ prepared ” to give it a shot again

meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off

studying kinesiology despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves being active and thinks she’d be a resource in the field down the line ok ??

anyways, she’s found new things to invest her time in, such as the sorority, dance club and volleyball

dance helps with the choreo for her routines.... or Did, but we all know she’s still doing Some amount of skating on the side so

and it helps in areas where muscle memory and years of flexibility can’t quite do so

volleyball’s a great second option for her as a sport, mostly bc she can exert as much of her frequent frustration as possible into a game and act like it’s just her being into it. though she really can be That competitive, as you can see, rather than bratty

so, moving onto other things —

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once or twice. the first time being when she was like nine. with her first pairs partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane halle ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she rly just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

she won’t hesitate to call you out on your shit or make it clear that she doesn’t like you, though, even if she appears cordial on the surface

as a result, hockey players HATE her !

bc she rips into them the most for frequently poor experiences with her fellow ice people. most of which are them hogging her reserved practice time, and being thirsty and pretentious dicks about it within and outside of the arena

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was rly pretty on all the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine

oH also prob still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but..... girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

her view and reception on starred

she..... probably doesn’t do too hot tbh

well. maybe she Does if starred's social ladder resembled most high school/college shows, movies.... rps, but it doesn't really so —

in all fairness, she probably does do better than i'm assuming rn bc.. she Is a character of sorts, who knows gskfksl but MOVING ON !

her blunt and kinda snarky attitude is partially Why she hates this point system, bc people tend to kiss ass just so they aren’t given a low rating whereas she can only hold back about 5% of her unfiltered opinion — but that’s IT !

tbh she relies heavily on her involvement in extracurriculars, and especially her public image from her glory days, more so than she herself to keep her head above water

so she looks entitled from that alone

given the way i’ve played her in the past, ik she might come across as a hbic type: thinks she’s the best ( which.. she kinda does sjkfgd ), savours the power she tries to or does in fact exert, doesn’t come across as particularly sympathetic or nice, etc

but she’s just a shit disturber with thick skin and a slight kink for receiving admiration and respect, puts herself first a little too much

in fact, she doesn’t really Care to hold people by a leash, but yeah, it can come across much differently since her tone never really Shifts if she doesn’t know you well, doesn’t trust you, knows you’re naive with such things, doesn’t like you, is just fucking around or in a sour mood.... the list goes on

so if your character focuses on who’s the nicest or most cheerful when giving high ratings, makes a v quick judgment on their character from a first impression, she’s gonna be near the bottom of their list dfsghkfgj

and like i said, she doesn’t care for the system Enough to change any of this, so she gets by

KDFJGSKFL uh, let’s end it there bc this is painfully long — congratulations if you’ve made it to the end of this intro from hell ! if anyone wants to plot, like this or im me !! ( ps, if you prefer d*scord like yours truly, just ask for it or send me yours ! )

#╳┊: — these are stacy's baby ! •「 ooc. 」 #starred:intro #y'all i'm SO sorry this got so long kfdgkgsdj

[primalspice]

hiiii rattus my love 👪, ☕️, 🍃, 🙉, 🌌 , 🪤, ⚙️, 💧

oou

👪 what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

she grew up in a poor family with her parents (factory worker dad and shop manager mom) and an older brother, raymond (i think hes like 4 or 5 years older than her????), who joined the military at 18 as a general infantry dude (just some body). She was v attached to raymond (not necessarily Close) bcz he was a lot more accepting of her Weird Kid-ness than her parents LOL. she certainly was made to feel like she was the Disappointment child (weird and depressive and asocial and not particularly talented or good in school) for the majority of her life until she started gaining relevant positions with the government but it didnt even matter at that point bcz she kinda ditched her family after raymond died and kinda blamed them a little bit. so yea basically theyre dysfunctional LMAOO 

☕️ do they prefer hot or cold drinks? what is their favourite drink?

i think hot drinks. definitely into coffee, maybe tea too, i dont think she’s picky.

🍃 do they enjoy being in nature? what is their favourite outdoor activity?

i don’t think she minds it. big fan of Walking Around and contemplating but she isnt really afforded that luxury very much anymore as a high-profile person. she likes to be wherever people are Not and if that’s gotta be in the radioactive woods somewhere then Fine. i think she likes being by all the lovely rivers and lakes too but she doesn’t swim.

🙉 what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

if she was 15 then probably ‘ur brother is dead’ but nowadays i think she would be/is terribly upset at Haters (even tho she knows she sucks at her job she feels guilty bcz shes maybe barely sorta responsible for some of the death occurring) and just like. perhaps some news that her escape plans have not gone as well as she thinks they have o__o shes very anxious

🌌 what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

apparently the first thing i decided:

and in general i think i got the Premise from my original half-baked idea of like. Its Winter. Shit Sucks. We Live In A Society. Technology Is Ruining Us. i always needed a shitty tech savvy oc for that so ig that remains. i wanted a Strange and Offputting Evilbitch bcz im into those (ended up meowmeowifying her). Earliest factor of her current concept ig would be Incompetent President. my biggest insp is the sleep of no dreaming and imagining the type of psycho that would feel at home amongst massive industrial landscapes and desolate winters. 

some oldish art even tho she hasnt changed that much:

🪤 what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

i think her recklessness is the main thing that gets her into trouble but ‘disregard for her own life’ isnt a very good lure LOL. i’d say she’s easily pressured into doing things tho. so anything that promises more peace of mind and less fear than she’d otherwise be dealing with LOL. of course her brother’s death has also kinda led her into her current lifestyle tho so i cannot count that out as a factor. i think she wanted to make a change and find out what happened to him but very quickly found out that it dont work like that. (lest). 

⚙️ what are your ocs thoughts on science & art? which do they give more importance to? how much value do they place on each?

her toxic trait is thinking art is frivolous thats why her city fucking sucks. shes v science-minded but finds that to be Pleasing Enough. certainly finds it to be the more valid form of worldly exploration. thinks it can Never go too far. which is probably about the most Region 0 Patriotic belief she holds LMAO.

💧 random angst headcanon

tried really hard to not be an athiest after her bro died i think thats partially why she was so ok with trying to kill Herself afterwards as well. maybe some home for reuniting. now she just does it bcz she fr wants to die LOL but anyway about that hope for reuniting O__O

#ask game #harvey

[wonderalwaysland]

...

I have this confession to make, that I still measure myself based on how much I’ve accomplished. I don’t do or think about it every day and I know it’s wrong to do so and it harms me but I can’t help but do so sometimes. It comes out unexpectedly and hurts actually. And rn I feel like crying, I’m hurting ig. Maybe it happens when my life goes a bit not the way I wanted to or just when I’m feeling emotional, but we always have emotions tho. 

I have several reasons in mind as to why I’m feeling like this. One of them that I don’t draw enough. I can’t help but procrastinate and spend time in the phone doing various things. Another reason is I still haven’t got the job and I want to go to drawing classes somewhere, but admission time is soon to be closed and I have no money to pay for it, and my parents are already tough with money, yeah sometimes I feel useless to them (I don’t want to b;ame them but they disregard my accomplishments pretty often, I used to say it’s fine and I’m used to it, but now I see that it actually hurts as hell, and ig I still have this feeling of being useless or idk how to describe it. They would say to me that I my worl is not hard enough that I can do better, and I know I could maybe if I deemed it as worthy. But if I find sth not worth spending my efforts on I wouldn’t be going out of my way to do it the best I can. So if we consider it from the point of view that I wasted my efforts to do it at all I’ve out some work, right? And they  tell that I’m ungrateful sometimes and have no sense of responsibility, u know everybody has to be f*cking ReSponSible and do their freaking duties and it’s nothing to be praised for.) It has always been so irritating to me and has often caused us to have this falling outs. Now I just keep my thoughts to myself and go my own way or trying to at least. I admit that my parents are right to some extent but why should they always cause us these negative emotions, not only they do this to us(Imean my siblings and me) first of all they are doing this to themselves too. I mean I can survive the fact that they see me as someone irresponsible and childish yet expect sth cool and great from me.But it’s their expectations that are failed not  mine when the results aren’t so great. And as such they rarely tell that they love us or that they are glad that we are born or anything. It feels like they gave birth to us only because it was their f*cking duty and to have their desires fulfilled through us( I mean my mum always complained that grandma didn’t take her to any extracurricular activities and that she couldn’t get the major she wanted and etc, so now she does all these things she wanted grandma had done to her. BUt obviously it’s just an excuse for her to not do what she wants to(and I’ve no idea what she wants to do now already, seems like she doesn’t understand it either or just doesn;t see us worthy talking to us about that cuz we are her kids) as she thinks that u can do sth only if u have a talent and still she insists that we work hard(esp my sis whose major is medicine rn), I wonder where her logic lies sometimes. ANyway it’s obvious she runs from her ownself.

Yeah all this turned into my complaining about my parents. BUt I’m healing and I hope one day they’ll see things in different light, for now I don;t want to waste myself trying to persuade about things they don;t quite want to listen, esp coming from me, their child who doesn’t have much experience in life and therefore has no right to teach them how to live and sometimes even state her opinion. Yeah it f*cking hurts. 

But I better concentrate on myself. I love myself now even tho I can;t help but be a bit disappointed in myself, but I’m working on it and building my better self bit by bit. I’m weak but I want to be strong, I’m coward but I want to be brave, I’m lazy but I want to be more productive, I;m timid but I want to be confident. I feel that I;ve had a considerable progress and now I feel much better and more positive about life in general, not just daydreaming anymore.And I’ll keep going even if the steps are tiny it’s still worth it and I have a whole life ahead so I gotta enjoy it and do my thang. Amen

p.s. Loves and hugs to my future and past self I’ll always love u the most, no matter what <3 xoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxxoxoxoo

[livingforshawnscurls]

Killing Me For Mercy: Part 2

(PART ONE)

Hey, guys! I wrote a Part Two!

So, there's gonna be at least another part for this story to actually finish, but this can be treated as a standalone, too. Just like the previous one. So here's Shawn's side of the story.

Feedback is appreciated!

Words: 1506 Warnings: It's kinda sad? But also hopeful?

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He did it all to save me from The awful things in life that come And he, cries… and cries.

I know He knows―

“Shawn?”

Shawn looks up at the door to his home studio, startled. Aaliyah’s concerned face is peeking in, her eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed at his music player.

He hurries to shut it down, but knows that his sister has already heard the depressive song he was blaring.

“Um… Andrew was… calling,” she stammers, visibly confused at the fucked up state Shawn's once pristine home studio is in.

She shakes her head, then, and produces his phone that he's been avoiding like the plague. Shawn grimaces. “Again?”

Aaliyah rolls her eyes. “Yes, Shawn, again. And I don't blame him for calling ten times a day, because, guess what? I'd do that too if you were ignoring me the way you've been ignoring him!” she snaps at him, and Shawn simply shuts his eyes.

He knows that this isn't just about him avoiding Andrew. It's also about him avoiding his entire family that came down to LA to surprise him, five days ago. Exactly two days after he'd broken up with the love of his life, that is.

He releases a tired breath.

“What’s going on, Shawn?” Aaliyah almost pleads as she steps into the messy room, tiptoeing around the clothes he's tossed around, and shuts the door after her. “This man is your manager. You can't avoid him forever. If there's some issue brewing up between you two, you should talk it out instead of hiding away.”

Shawn hangs his head, fiddling with the drawstring of the hood of his olive green sweatshirt―the one Y/N gifted him on the first birthday he celebrated with her―and shrugs a shoulder. “I can try,” he mumbles.

Aaliyah lets out an aggravated groan. “Shawn! Stop it. Stop pretending, please, okay?”

Shawn looks up at his sister's reddened face, not catching on. She looks furious, so he hesitates for a millisecond before speaking. “Pretending?”

Aaliyah rolls his eyes, again. “Do you think I'm stupid? Okay, you might, because I'm younger, but… do you think mum and dad are stupid, too?”

Shawn flinches, shaking his head quickly. He's opened his mouth to exclaim how ridiculous she's being, but Aaliyah doesn't let him.

“You’ve been telling the three of us that you're depressed about a song. Shawn, we―and especially mum and dad―we know you. No trouble with music can cause you to look as downtrodden as you do, right now,” she softly says, her concerned gaze travelling all over his face, and Shawn suddenly wants to cower away.

“Liyah, I am―” She cuts him off with a palm pressed against his shoulder.

“I know you're about to feed me a lie,” she tells him, and he swallows, looking away from his too mature sister's stern gaze; because she's right. “But, I don't want that. I want you to be honest, and… don't tell me everything, Shawn, but just―just answer my questions truthfully, okay? Don't lie to me.”

He nods, glumly, back to playing with his hoodie.

“Where is Y/N?”

Shawn's throat closes up. How the hell does his fourteen years old sister always know? He shuts his eyes and clears his throat to make way for a response. “She's here,” he says, his voice barely more than a whisper, “in LA. At her place.”

“This―this isn't about a song, is it, Shawn?” Aaliyah asks with a heavy voice. “It's about her, isn't it?”

Shawn bites down on his lip, trying his best to hide his face from his sister. But just as he's opened his mouth to speak, his phone is ringing again.

“Andrew,” Aaliyah informs him, pushing the phone in his hands. “Speak to him, Shawn.” She gets up, then, and he sees immense sadness reflected in her eyes. “Come join us in the living room when you're done.”

As soon as she's out the door, Shawn draws in a deep breath and answers the call.

“Hey, Andrew,” he speaks into the phone.

“Shawn! Oh, my God!” Andrew bursts in, sounding as surprised as relieved. “I was planning on booking a flight to LA, you doofus, you'd scared me!” There's a few seconds’ silence where Andrew seems to be catching his breath. “Oh, God. So. What have you been up to? Told Y/N about the contract, yet?”

Shawn lets his head thump against the wall behind his chair. “No,” he simply says.

“What? It's been weeks since you landed, Shawn, why not?”

Shawn looks up at the ceiling, thinking back to how utterly adorable she had looked when she'd opened the door for him, that day―swamped till her knees in his favorite maroon hoodie that she'd stolen before he'd left for tour, bare feet peeking beneath black yoga pants, and hair up in one of those messy buns that he loved on her. He recalls the way she'd smiled at him, eyes crinkling at the corners, and way she'd pulled him in with concern when he hadn't smiled back at her.

He lets out a deep sigh. “I broke up with her, Andrew.”

“You what?” Andrew almost shrieks in incredulity. “Tell me this is something personal that has nothing to do with the contract?”

Shawn remains silent. It has everything to do with the fucking contract!

“Oh, Shawn,” Andrew mumbles after a silence of almost a minute. “Why didn't you talk to her about it, the way we'd planned you would?”

Shawn drags his forearm over his eyes, soaking his tears away, before clearing his throat. “I couldn't get myself to tell her that my management had selected a girl for me to date. I couldn't―I couldn't tell her that I was gonna be dating a model till the release of my next album to prove to my fans of the so-called reality captured in those songs. Andrew, I…”

I couldn't tell her that my management thought she wasn't good enough―that going public with my relationship with a music director's personal assistant who was a college dropout wasn't good for my reputation.

“Shawn. If you were that troubled by this contract, you could've told me,” Andrew says, making Shawn's head jolt up in surprise.

Does that mean…?

“I would never force you into anything you're so uncomfortable with, Shawn. I thought you knew that.” Andrew sounds more saddened than disappointed, and Shawn feels like the biggest asshole in the world. “It was just that you and Y/N had been friends for a few years shy of a decade, and so I thought that this wouldn't cause problems between you. I thought you could make her understand. Had I known you'd do this, Shawn… I would've myself said no to Baldwin's Agent.”

“Andrew, I just…” Shawn licks his lips, his brain drawing a blank. What is he supposed to say? Does the contract even make a difference, now? He's already blown his relationship up. “Does it even matter, now?”

“Oh, I think it does! You've only gone on one date, Shawn, it isn't much, yet.”

“What about those tweets?” he mumbles, dragging a hand through his curls as he frowns.

“That isn't much, either, man,” Andrew says, sounding exasperated. “Come on, Shawn. You've still got time! The major event is going to be your kiss in her birthday party. Until then, everything is just a speculation. Or, should I say was? I'll nullify the contract, straight away. You talk it out with Y/N. You'll kill yourself like this, Shawn. And… maybe even her.”

The second half of the sentence has Shawn jumping out of his chair with wide eyes. “I’m an idiot, ain't I?” he asks his manager.

“You're worse, but yeah. Let's go with that.”

A smile slips on his face for the first time in a week, and he nods to himself. “I'll talk to you later, Andrew, I just gotta…” He trails off, unsure.

What is he gonna do? Drop another ‛im coming over’ to her and just show up?

“Go see her.” Shawn jumps, eyes flying up to his sister's form in the doorway. She smiles at him guiltily, but then shrugs a shoulder. “You haven't yet soundproofed this room, I'm not sorry.”

Shawn cracks another smile, this time at Aaliyah.

“Good luck, boy. And, please, for God's sake, don't do anything stupid this time,” Andrew says into the phone, and Shawn chuckles.

“Thank you so much, Andrew,” he truthfully says before hanging up.

Aaliyah is raising her eyebrows at him. “It's past ten of the night, so… are you gonna head over, right now? Or, like. Do you wanna prepare a plan with mum, dad and me and see to it tomorrow?”

He thinks about it for a second. He really, really doesn't want to mess this up because he's already running on little hope. He shakes his head. “I think I'm gonna join my family on the couch for tonight. And then see what you guys come up with.”

With a heartfelt smile, he loops an arm over a grinning Aaliyah's shoulders and finally walks out of his hellhole of a hiding place.

End.

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