#but genuinely if the intent isnt there to make him look evil or bad or crazy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

guideaus · 1 year

Text

late tristamp 8 thoughts

the voice filter thing makes rem (?) outright sound like a robot

i see knives and vash have different origins

sc-fi that has shit be like the most transparent tablet or whatever is so funny, its reminds me of d/bh (🤢🤮)

hate knives being less enthusiastic. i think them being different isnt automatically bad, and even if he was like hitting puberty before vash and maybe going through adolescence he still deserves respect, but it does kinda hint that he's the "bad" one. and i hate that evil/good twin shit lol

this cutting straight to the fall kind of makes it interesting. at least makes you go "oh, wow, i wonder what happened" as opposed to starting the show off with it

tristamp might be assigning more guilt to vash concrening knives? if knives is telling the truth. in the manga and anime knives just fucking... hacked smth idk, while here knives makes it sound like vash let him in on a little secret to the "explode all ships" button he instantly regretted

i cant take his voice actor seriously though

rem didnt shove them in diff clothes in this adaptation??

this makes it a bit more gruesome, vash being near the corpses instead of the twins watching afar

i wonder how tristamp will make knives here if he isnt even attempting to deal w vash and he gets easily taken away

this woman just knows to look for plant characteristics?? its not even a surprise thing during a doctor's checkup??

i can see theyre changing the lore w the seeds ships if theres just casual people walking around fine like there wasnt a cataclysmic event just then

they handcuffed a child... what are they gonna do, put him on trial?

is this woman a fucking plant expert. i thought they were all regarded as top-secret lab experiments, esp w vash and knives being the first "independents". why does she know. or is she info dumping

Either knives and vash are much younger, or conrad did get an intentional life extending thingy

orange not changing rem's name is so funny. knives got nai, but her last name is still just "save" added onto her first name. why not seibrem!!!

also we're the same height :)

the guy (brad?) is really annoying.

what the fuck is their food

rip luida's appearance. orange said "not cute anime waifu? GROSS."

i genuinely wonder why they put brad and luida here. are they just trying to take a short cut between making vash visit his home and connecting the backstory

IS LUIDA LYING ABOUT REM?? DID REM NOT HELP ANYONE?!?!? AM I UNDERSTANDING THAT SCENE RIGHT???

this ep also has the problem of the world looking lifeless, itd be understandable if it was explained (everyone else died, theyre hiding, etc.,) but it seems like its literally just luida and brad here. I genuinely cant tell if shes lying abt other survivors or orange cant afford more models to show them lol

are they trying to make vash repeat after knives. or is it unintentional? i feel like vash wouldnt want to copy knives after the fall tho lol. i might be reading too into it, but they did choose almost the exact same words, so..

why are they keeping vash locked up lol. wouldnt luida just trying to have him help with like... whatever someone can imagine is going on there (idk, orange wont show us anything) to possibly sway him even if he has ulterior motives. he's not even hurt, theres no reason she'd act nice and do that, i feel if vash wasnt depressed atm he'd become scared of them. theyre treating him like a decorative plant

we finally barely see bland people BUT HOW ARE THE PEOPLE SAYING HOW GROSS HE LOOKS WHEN HE LOOKS JUST LIKE THEM FSDGHDHS??? in the 90s anime, it made sense when ppl were freaked out by watching how quickly they aged around them, but theres no reason for them to be acting like this to him. he's locked up, so that one thing where ppl assume "locked up" = "they must have done something to deserve it (his treatment)", couldve come into play, but calling him gross lol?? maybe making fun of his outfit at most or smth but??

WHY DO THEY ALL WANT HIM DEAD SO BAD FJHDJD??? its not even a "this is against the rules" thing (which could work bc in this universe, they were all alive pre-fall), but they just want him dead for some reason...

more bland people

vash is a plant empath

WHY ARE THEY SO OPPOSED TO HIM LMAO

i don't think i like the presentation of rem's iconic speech. there's no context shown for it, i was scared luida was gonna take it, but here its just loosely connected. in fact, i don't think it really matches at all. originally it was about rem and vash wanting to die, they argue you have something to live for, and vash uses it to be hopeful and say people can change even when they've done bad. here it gives off the impression that vash can live to be useful to the humans, therefore he'll finally earn their respect (which is bad lol). even if its related to vash's apparent guilt of knives being able to drop everyone from the sky, its not clear enough. the audience doesnt know the context

SHE SAYING IT AS SHE'S DYING?? why would she think either kid would ever hear it, lol. i feel it doesnt fit any situation in tristamp, im more focused on the plant than what she's saying, so frankly its kind of leaving my mind as shes saying it despite me already knowing it

the plant reminds me tristamp elendira looks like that :/

i guess vash's power here is healing steven universe style, but just through minimum contact ig

he now has an appetite (trying to live), his handcuffs coming off, and a new bed. absolutely feel like a reward for his actions... it feels bad... that absolutely gives him new problems and i dont think it was intentional. thats not good for a 2 y/o, lol. somehow orange repeated the manga's introduction better here than in the reboot's own 2 first eps...

the stuff with tristamp wolfwood and brad just isnt funny. in the manga/anime, brad had that immature attitude to show off in front of jessica, he was also jealous of vash for being an older bro type and jessica had a crush on him, so he felt like the competition. here he's just... being an asshole? the "yeah, he did something useful, i guess he can get a bed now" doesnt feel like a lot. luida too, she apologizes, but doesnt explain why they did that (and that its inexcusable)

so is he using up his powers in tristamp too, or.

HOW ARE THE RESIDENTS STILL CONCERNED ABOUT HIM. BY THE TIME HES A TEEN THEY SHOULD BE REVERING HIS ASS?? or abusing him

hes a little lanky teen, awww

why did they give him a jacket that's too big, lol. its like they found a random one advertising their company and just let him have it. and not a single other character has a similar jacket

OH MY GOD BRAD IS BACK TO BEING IRRATIONAL. no "Hey, kiddo... what's this?" COME ON. luida collapses too, like werent you the smarter, nicer one??

vash runs away out of fear, so ig maybe he would have done that before.

why did vash kind of hide his running away letter. hes copying rem

brad is back to feeling guilty?? what the fuck is going on. pick one. frankly, itd make sense for him to think "running away" = "guilty" with how he started

i dont know why they cut to the present for 30 seconds just to go back in time again

it sucks no one was nearby when vash woke up, but that might be hard for orange. idk why they cant have more than 3 characters in a scene

#personal #trigun stampede spoilers #anyways not the worst tristamp ep but like still a lot of things

8 notes · View notes

icharchivist · 10 months

Note

"#and yeah drawing porn based on them is still a pure intention#it's being a fuckhead about it that isn't" you are so right. So wise. I wish more fandom people took that to heart. Porn isnt evil per se its being a dick about it :(

IKR thank you thank you

but also this is literally the text of Lunalu and Siegfried's crossepisode.

Lunalu is convinced Siegfried would think of her as a freak for being into this type of things and for being a "worthless artist who can't even draw", and Siegfried actually encourages her a lot because, no, actually. For him it doesn't really matter what you do with his likeness, but he is genuinely amazed by how much love, passion, and work Lunalu is putting into an interest which value is mostly to make herself and other people happy.

Siegfried is a soldier first and formost, his talent and his goals rely on direct action, when he's able to hurt people and when he's able to hold back, when he can protect people and stuff.

And he doesn't look down on Lunalu just being able to bring some peace to people and happiness out of what she draws. even if it's porn. Because the world needs to have some happiness into it.

It's also a thematic that is pushed in the Kotatsu's events in general. While they don't really talk about the erotic aspect much in those because Mahira is there with them and she's underage, there's ultimately this text that transformative work is a nice and cosy thing. And Lunalu imagining a romance for Popol for instance (even a BL once with erotic aspect) is framed as how she is genuinely looking for the best out of a tragic figure who was forced to see everything he ever loved just be taken away from him, and the stories around Lunalu says it's radical to want to seek happiness like that for characters who have suffered, and how much this happiness is one we wish onto others who might read your things.

And it's pushed even further in Light Lunalu's FE where Lunalu talks about her self insert mary sue OC to Vane and is so embarassed about it, but Vane spends he whole FE saying he admires her so much for it because she is giving herself all the happiness in the world, that by introducing herself in this world of tragedy she is like a hero to the characters who are suffering and, therefore, for people who are hearing about it now, she also brings happiness to them in this time of strife.

(she also meets Lancelot and Percival in the first sauna event and Percival especially praises her about how hardworking she is and how she keeps trying to improve herself. Literally the dragon knights are her biggest supporters).

Lunalu is set up as a stand in for fans, especially BL fans (at the time she was introduced there was starting to be a lot of BL arts of the dragon knights and it was what ended up getting a bad rep of the DK with your usual dudebros fans who are used to being catered to, they hated that therefore the DK storyarc attracted "fujoshis". Lunalu was written especially by GBF in answer going "hey, fucking leave them alone, they're cool."), and especially as the year went by, her whole thing was that being a fan who loves so much is a radical action in itself.

And this stance carried on the erotic aspect of Lunalu's interest as well. Because what matters is that you end up feeling happy that you're doing those things, and it's what really matters.

and the subtext of Lunalu's stories have always been that if you end up making fun of her, if you consider that she's awful for how she is, maybe it's a You problem.

So that's why i really meant it "writing porn is pure intention, being a fuckhead about it isn't.". It's literally the thematic of Lunalu's stories anyway, and she has the dragon knights to support her about it.

A lot of people dislike Lunalu without having read her stories because they stop at "she writes BL so obviously she's bad", meanwhile her whole character is a love letter to various way to approach fandom, especially transformative work, all while being positive about erotic content, even mlm / wlw content (bc also Lunalu is bi? she had quite the few "crushes on women" moment), and it's been like it since 2016.

SO YEAH. RESPECT FOR LUNALU IN THIS HOUSE THANK YOU.

#ichareply #ichafantalks gbf #anonymous

3 notes · View notes

cmyknoise · 2 years

Text

so thinking bout it. i definitely know why people tend to use reds & blacks in drawing wilbur. and that’s the whole ‘vilbur’ thing as well as the ycgma color palette.

which, vilbur is a problem in of itself. but the ycgma palette isnt nescessarily bad in design, especially since thats canonically associated with him.

the problem in character designs with wilbur isn’t the traits. its not colors. its not even specific traits or features.

hell, i draw my wilbur with imp horns & a tail. so im definitely not gonna talk about features like the zombie features ‘dehumanizing’ wilbur. cause features alone aren’t what does that.

its the intent of portrayal.

wilbur’s colors have always been warm earthy colors of browns and yellows, and its something his designs have lacked for a very long time. since pogtopia and his decline in mental health, he was drawn with these colors less and less.

i think that there could definitely be something there about then villainizing his state of mental health, something the fandom still struggles with today, but its not the colors alone that do this.

ive drawn very peaceful and happy images of wilbur with high contrast, with reds, with the zombie like and imp like features. i’ve seen plenty of others do it.

like i said before, its not a problem.

the problem where design choices come into play is intent. when you draw wilbur with these colors and features, are you doing it for fun, because its cool, because of a headcanon, OR are you doing it to bring out ‘vilbur’. The portrayal of his mental health in a villainized way. Are you giving him reds and crazed faces and posture and having him do out of character things in tandem with these design choices? Cause then it’s a problem I think. It’s the intent and use of the features.

Someone drawing him with inhuman features isnt inherently demonizing or dehumanizing him. People draw characters like Tommy and Tubbo and various others in the same way all the time! Messing with inhuman traits and headcanons is fun. Hell, the only reason I’ve started drawing him and Ghostbur again with some of these features is because it’s fun. Plus I think portraying them in a positive light with these features helps show that narritive that they aren’t bad people. That vilbur isn’t a thing.

Drawing Wilbur with these things are fine. The YCGMA palette is beautiful and works so well. Reds in WIlbur’s color palette is great because of it’s large inclusion in the L’manburg flag, as well as his red beanie, or making him primary colored like Tommy. The rose colored glasses are also a huge headcanon which is such a good one in my opinion.

But it’s these features along with how you draw his expressions, what you have him doing, etc, that leads into the whole ‘vilbur’ thing and certainly hasn’t helped his reputation as a character.

I think its fine to draw characters with as many headcanons and stuff as you want. I also think trying to tell people what features to draw and not draw characters with just kinda sucks, because that doesnt happen to any other character.

I mean people have made the argument that drawing Tommy in flowers and blue ‘woobifies’ him, which isn’t true and has been argued so much that it isn’t true. So I think this is no different. Drawing Wilbur with reds and giving him inhuman characteristics isn’t bad, just be careful on why you’re doing it, yknow?

Are you doing it just to make him look scary or evil or bad, or are you doing it because its fun or looks cool? Because the latter is a-okay!

Just have fun with designs and be careful of your intent. Wilbur’s character is very widely mischaracterized in this fandom, and it’s in part that such a large percentage of people have joined post his death. And due to his actions in Pogtopia, he’s been villainized to a very exaggerated degree and also villainizes his mental health during that time. Because of this portrayal, its become so so common in art, that people genuinely don’t have any idea that he was or is a good person, which again, just leads to further mischaracterization of him.

So just, be careful, but have fun and draw what you have fun doing!

#dsmp #dream smp #wilbur soot #lemon's stuff #long post #ask to tag this please!#i reblogged a post earlier half agreeing but decided to say more #but didnt want to derail that post #ive got many thoughts on design choices #but genuinely if the intent isnt there to make him look evil or bad or crazy #or to emphasize those features #including reds and blacks and inhuman features isn't a problem at all #red and black were a huge part of l'manburg #if tommy can have inhuman features he can too #they're brothers after all #just gotta be careful with the intent and portrayal #because it leads to one of the biggest problems in this fandom regarding his character #and that he is so severely mischaracterized #but i digress

25 notes · View notes

jjkyaoi · 3 years

Note

I am getting so tired of how poorly some people in this fandom treat c!tommy and how differently from any other character they treat him, for example c!ranboo. It shows so much after every single stream, especiay this one and its such a pet peeve of mine because its so unfair.

If people don't like c!tommy thats absolutely fine, but don't pull stuff out of your arse to tear the character down.

When c!tommy lost henry and was clearly grieving and feeling terribly, c!ranboo didn't really deal with that very well and did a bad job comforting him and thus sometimes came off borderline mocking. And that is very justified and in character from his pov because he is not at all equipped to handle peoples mental breakdowns and shouldn't have to be, hes basically a walking mental breakdown himself. Not once after that stream did i see a comment anywhere that was like 'c!ranboo is ignoring tommys trauma/isnt taking it seriously!!bad friend!!'

But after c!tommy makes one tiny offhand comment about c!tubbo having thicker skin, from his pov also fully justified and in character, its suddenly 'ooh he isnt taking his trauma seriously!!!bad friend!" Or again today, with them deciding that ranboos 'tubbo is only using me for my items' (which was absolutely a joke and not serious lore) isn't cannon, but tommy accidentally blowing up tubbos stuff, (like tubbo did to him on his birthday btw and Nobody said a word about it BECAUSE IT ALSO WASNT CANON NOR INTENTIONAL) is.

I see people bragging about not watching c!tommys pov and not c!ranboos despite them having about the same viewership numbers during lore streams. They complain about c!tommy taking away attention from others and being the protagonist, while declaring c!ranboo who is also involved in many plotlines the 'next protagonist' in the very same sentence...

Some people just pick and choose anything that makes c!tommy look bad and put both c!ranboo and cc!ranboo on a pedestal. And don't even get me started on their totally invasive takes on the irl friendships. At this point they should just admit that they hate cc!tommy, stop watching his stuff if he annoys them so much, and shut up.

this isn’t ranboo critical in any way at all, because it isn’t his fault that people in this fandom behave this way/there’s a bias between them, but yea, you’re right.

i don’t know what it is, but people seem to be more open to supporting c!ranboo than they do c!tommy under any circumstance. and it’s like, that’s fine, you’re allowed to have characters you’re more open to supporting/you like more than others —god knows i do— but it gets the point where when you’re actively comparing the two characters/saying things like “ranboo wouldn’t ever do this” or “ranboo is so much better at __/for __ than tommy is!” is like. Okay Pal. i don’t know what it is, if i’m honest. i don’t know if it’s tommy’s abrasive personality that throws ‘em off, but the double standards in this fandom never fail to astound me —and, it isn’t always with ranboo. there’s a lot more people that are willing to be forgiving with any other character than c!tommy. there’s always the “i’m not excusing c!tommy but i can understand why he did __” or “he shouldn’t have done __!! he’s evil!! a monster!” but when it comes to anyone else it’s just “they popped off 🥺🥺🥺 deserved!! never did anything wrong!” and it’s getting to the point where i’m genuinely tired of it. people in this fandom take any opportunity they can to bash on his character but when it’s anybody else it’s just crickets, and they like do this funny little things /s, where they make fun of apologists for c!tommy for only liking a character if they’re nice to him, but then turn around and do the same exact thing and when said character isn’t nice to their fave they’re the devils incarnate, so it’s hypocritical for them to stereotype c!tommy apologists as people who only care about certain characters if they have a positive opinion of tommy when they do the same thing.

i’m just sort of tired of it. when c!tommy makes the slightest mistake i’m always anxious to check tumblr or twitter because i already know —i’m already expecting thousands of people to have turned against him. there’s such open support of c!tommy one second, but once he makes one harmless mistake it’s suddenly he’s unforgivable once again and i’m getting tired of people not bothering to understand his character and brushing him off as horrible but when it comes down to anyone else they’re way more open for second chances.

i don’t fucking understand it, is the problem.

genuinely, i don’t . i don’t understand why the vendetta against him goes so far, and i’d be open for people to tell me why they hate him but half of he time they don’t have a reason beyond him being annoying/the mistakes he’s already made up for and theyre just choosing to hold a grudge against him for.

i don’t care if you don’t like c!tommy, don’t take this post as an opportunity to debate with me (/srs), because i’m tired of explaining to deaf ears why “hey, he isn’t actually that bad guys”, because it’s 4:51AM and i’m being driven by spite and pettiness only. i will bite your head off /hj

#unfortunately everything i said extends to cc!tommy as well #but i’m not opening that can of worms tonight </3 #fandom critical

199 notes · View notes

boiling-paint · 3 years

Note

Please do elaborate about LL!Scar and Bad by Deluxe Royal, I'm interested 👀

Ohooho. You got it! I uh... went ham,

*claps* OKAY! SO,

It all starts with the sounds.

The theme of this music is almost cartoonish in the way it wants to portay 'big, bad, evil' (chanting in a low chorus like a boogeyman "im bad I'm bad as bad can be." behind the main voice.) It reminds me of "How Bad Can I Be?" Which, ahem, while a meme song fits Scar's happy-go-lucky attitude that he upholds regardless of the guts and gore of the situation.

With a dramatic western attitude, the voice is very confident in his own image. It just screams Scar. Big Bad Scar trying to be spooky in that disney villain way he admires and reflects in his video and performance style. Its natural for him, but hes also careful with his words. He pauses, thinks, stalls for time when he speaks to people because if they get him rambling he'll give it all away. He is very very cautious this season in that sense.

Now, the lyrics! Oo I shiver at how well they fit.

If you'd like, we can imagine this "devil" as Grian. People have consistently seen him as a threat, Scott even dramatically and repeatedly calling him a monster. Hes death itself- the one who started it all.

Or, it can simply be other reds. People that Scar so far seems to be cautious of, but never fully intimidated by.

[I made the devil run

I gave him poison just for fun

I had one friend, now there's none

I made the devil run]

The last two refer closely to the comparison of the first season to this one. Grian was quite literally his only true ally, and now Grian frequently leaves him behind at any given moment. It's not fully Scar's fault, but Grian does take some care in talking and making deals with Scar. The game has changes course and they're keeping distant tabs on one another. Scar currently drives people away from staying at his mountain, despite claiming he wants friends. And for some reason (could even be dumb luck) Joel the first and possibly most unstable Red Lifer, lives right next to him and hasn't lifted a finger yet. This I'm certainly exaggerating, but I wonder how cautious Joel is of Scar ("I made the devil run.")

These next 2 lines are the only ones that dont fit easily, as Scar is incredibly clumsy lmfAO. However, I think it speaks poetically with 3 and 4.

[I broke so many bones

But none of them were ever my own

They were an army, I was alone

I broke so many bones]

From Scar and Grians perspective things are very, very light in s1. It does not apply to the others'. In the previous season Scar was terrifying. Ren and others wanted to protect their friends and stay together. Scar wanted to win or put on a show trying. It's why him and Grian make such a good team— they know there are limits to how they can rely on one another.

From the other perspectives all Scar did was talk people out of their resources and scheme to destroy them, regardless of any sort of spoken friendships. He was very, very dangerous. He broke many structural bones so-to-speak in the other teams, including trust and physical resources.

And in the end? It was Scar's little team against Rens whole army that won 3rd Life. ("They were an army, I was alone, I broke so many bones.")

The CHORUS IS MY FAVORITE THO.

[I'm bad, as bad can be

So bad that it's hard to believe

Oh, what they say about me

I'm bad, take a look and see

So bad that it's hard to believe

I don't care what they say about me]

Scar this season is lying to everyone around him. People are cautious, but only the very, very perceptive ones (to name a few: Etho and Scott) are actually catching Scar in his lies. Even then he doesn't let up his own act. This gives him such a good facade.

People are going to underestimate him. Hes so polite to some and to others hes burning them at the stake. Other people talking about Scar are going to find plot holes, twists and turns in attitude that just don't make sense. No one will know what to believe or not. His kindness feels genuine, but so do his threats. ("So bad that it's hard to believe what they say about me.") His gentle attitude makes it really difficult to grasp his violent intentions at times.

And recently, especially with the destruction of a recent horse he seemed to be attached to, he's revealed a little to others about his values. "So bad that it's hard to believe, I don't care what they say about me." He is first and foremost a businessman and a showman. If people are scared? Great! If people think him kind? That's just good for business.

That's the most frightening thing about him being isolated this season: He doesn't care as long as he gets what he wants. But he'll pretend he will up until the second he knows it doesn't matter. No attachments, all deals. If people don't show him kindness he remembers and returns the favor later, and explicitly states he will frequently in his perspective.

Now, to remember 3rd Life S1 again:

[I watched an empire fall

I stormed the gate and scared the walls

They wouldn't share, so I took it all

I watched an empire fall]

A refusal of resources, a few missteps and misconceptions here and there and they had a war on their hands. To Ren, he was fighting for his team and his empire. To Scar, he was made into enemy #1 for... what reason? They did nothing wrong! Just having a bit of fun. All of this is a game and something Scar's character takes much more joy in than some other perspectives. It's not a game in some views, which would make him... what?

Crazy? Literally insane in some sense that he would treat this battlefield like middleschool capture the flag?

They targeted him and Scar simply didn't like it, so he took up arms with Grian and the rest and killed Ren himself. ("They wouldn't share, so I took it all, I watched an empire fall.")

[I'm bad, as bad can be

So bad that it's hard to believe

Oh, what they say about me]

You can't trust what anyone says about Scar, including Scar himself.

(I'm bad, I'm bad, as bad as can be)

I'm bad, take a look and see

So bad that it's hard to believe

I don't care what they say about me]

And he doesn't care about rumors as long as he gets what he wants. He'll take advantage of them.

Akdhakd also this isnt a dig and moreso just a dramatic retelling of how I think this song brings out a more dark idea of Scar's character. All in good fun :). Thank you for enabling me PFTHAHAHA

#3rd life s2 #3lsmp #llsmp #last life smp #goodtimeswithscar #gtwscar #scar #mcyt #long post #3rd life smp

27 notes · View notes

scalproie · 3 years

Note

I never got ruthlessly evil vibes from Vergil either, but I also only recently got into DMC when 5 was announced and released—so I don’t know how he was perceived back when the og trilogy first came out. Personally, I have genuinely always felt bad for him tbh 😔 DMC5 definitely just makes it all more heartbreaking.

(oh my god when did you send me this why didnt i saw it earlier im sorry!!)

Yeah dmc5 dealt with a lot of things but I truly do think it was Vergil's game, it did wonders for his character by not only giving him development but also giving us context and a look into who he is as a character to begin with.

But that's dmc5, let's forget about that for a minute and just focus on the games he was in prior to that to see if he ever was truly "evil" at one point

We can rule out dmc1, sure vergil was technically in that game but nelo angelo isnt vergil. nelo is stripped of everything that makes vergil, vergil. there's nothing to analyze about him being evil because he is quite literally a puppet with no agency, the only moment where we can argue that it's him is when he stops beating dante because he recognized the amulet and when dante says that he's a "man of guts and honor". so dmc1 = not evil, not even really a person (😭)

He's not in dmc2 and only the very first and very last cutscene of his dmc4 campaign are canon, the rest is just an excuse to play as him, and in those cutscenes he 1) defend himself from demons needlessly stylishly (in a very similar way to his son many years later) 2) try to not make himself stand out when around humans and fail 3) has sexy times off screen and 3) leave fortuna by kiiiinda complimenting them? "I can't excatly call them misguided" isnt a compliment but hey it's vergil good job on making him aknowledge you in a positive light guys AND drop that "Soon they shall know this devil's power" line. threatening yes. but I think it's more like: fortuna worship sparda, he wants to surpass sparda, its more a personal thing. dmc4 = not evil, we barely saw him anyway.

So that only leaves us with dmc3, his one (1) game, the one that establish who he is as a character and what made him so extremely iconic. And lemme just say right off the bat: his overall general goal isn't evil? "Wanting more power" is not an inherently evil goal. Plenty of good guys and protagonists desire that as well and have that as their primary goal. I think, for a character to be considered evil, there has to be some intent behind it, and Vergil lacks that, he doesn't want domination over the human realm or the demon realm, he just want power for... whatever reason (i mean we know why now but still), he even dodge dante's "what are you gonna do with all that power huh?" question. Sure, he raises an hell tower and Im sure a lot of lives have been lost but it's not something Vergil personally wanted to do. He doesnt hate humans, he thinks he is above them because to him they are weak and does not care about them... but he doesnt hate them, if anything, it's his own humanity that he hates, hence why he's looking after the demonic power of his father.

So, since vergil in dmc3 is a pretty bad evil vilain if you wanna see him as that, they had to have him play off an obviously evil guy, Arkham, that keep the role of this game's bad guy from beginning to end, while vergil's just kinda does his thing, and it's clear at the end that the dante vs vergil fight isnt some good vs evil fight, but family drama. The only moment I can think of where vergil did something "evil" is his "you have oulived your usefulness" moment where he stabs Arkham, that's the ONLY moment where he 1) attack someone unprovocked, normally vergil doesnt deal the first blow out of nowhere and 2) the ONLY canon time where he, himself, kill someone, an actual human (BUT in the very same breath he says that Arkham is no longer really human because he "sacrificed his loving wife to become a devil as well" so...), and it's "kill" because we know that didnt work so even tho his actions have a body count, his own hands are technically clean, and FINALLY its "antagonist on antagonist violence" so it's not like it was something thats like, morally shocking outside of just shocking. So dmc3 = not evil, but those are some messed actions, beloved, you're lucky the narrative doesnt fault you much.

Now if we think about dmc5, V is obviously not evil and I would even argue that Urizen is not technically evil because he is just a much more extreme version of dmc3 vergil.

#sigh. we practice vergil apologism in this house 😔#i have no idea why it became an essay im sorry #comics-in-midgar #I WISH I SAW IT SOONER AGAIN IM SORRY #tagging later #dmc #vergil

38 notes · View notes

id-boo · 3 years

Text

my thoughts on c!dream and what they're going to do with his character; a long very long post

all this all is /roleplay and /dsmp and tbh im just info dumping to organize my thoughts

ok so, c!dream is a villain. this is obvious for many reasons (he has a list with all of his crimes on his wiki page LMAO) but the main fact why he's a villain is because the story isnt told by his perspective.

villains are villains because we don't know their view, the story is never about them, someone else says they're the bad guys and everyone (the other characters + the audience) goes with it.

for example, when we took villains that had a "redemption arcs" we can identify 2 patterns: the villain/ bad guy learned from their mistakes and became a better person or we see their past/what they've been through/ their intentions and why they act the way we act so we can understand and justify what they do.

zuko from avatar? become a better person

loki from marvel? we understand his pov

snape from harry potter? we see his pov and he (tries to?) became a better person at the end

even if a villain doesn't necessarily have a redemption arc, we can like them and even support what they do when we see why they do that (personal example: in bnha, shigaraki tomura hate the heroes and that mf is RIGHT the heroes society is rotten and he has personal motivation to hate them - his family)

what i'm trying to say is, that's why c! dream has so many apologists. we don't see the true motivations or why he canonically do what he does, but people can speculate. "he just wanted them to follow the server rules" "he just wanted a happy big family" "he wanted to make everyone happy but power corrupted him"

the only dsmp dream streams we have are those from the begging, mostly before the lore, where dream (who became c!dream) was a funky happy guy chilling with his friends. he never wanted wars.

however, i don't think c!dream is like this anymore. i think he, for some unknown reason, became a bad guy. but again, we can't know WHY he is the bad guy. is he just a bad person, who made bad choices? does something happened? we don't know because he doesn't stream his pov, and just like a movie, the villain story became a narrative from the "heroes".

ok now with all of this, what they're going to do with c!dream? I very much doubt he will stream lore, so the "i get why the villain is like this because now i know his pov" strategy won't be used.

what they can do is what they already did: c!dream telling his story to others, saying to c!sam his motivations or what he wanted, saying to c!tommy why he did what he did etc, but the character + the audience cant tell is it's his genuinely sad true or if he's just lying and manipulating the situation.

aaaaaand of course

character redemption <3

what c!dream has been through is like, to not say worse, what c!tommy had to go through during exile. (i HATE comparing them because they're different situations with different contexts bUT ANYWAYS)

months without seeing the light, without talking with anyone, being mentally & physically tortured and the list goes on. both c!tommy and c!dream were suffering and that's horrible and it doesn't matter what they did before, because at the moment, or when/ if c!dream goes out, both or them will be fragile and traumatized.

with baby steps, c!dream could realize how evil he was to others. he can say he feel in his own skin what happened to c!tommy, and say he wants to change. he has a lot to think about after sam's last lore stream (c!sam directly said to him that everything he's going though, himself had planned to c!tommy).

the way they're writing the lore is to slowly make c!sam and c! quackity look like the bad guys, but we can still understand their pov and their past and WHY they're doing all of this.

same with c!techno. he scaped, he's gonna save (or try to save?) c!dream, his position in morality chart will go up /hj

conclusion c!dream had really really bad takes and he did really bad stuff but he's not necessarily the bad guy until we fully understand his pov and i can't wait to see what they're going to do when he canonically, finally scapes the prison for real

#help this is so long and im still confused #anywyas #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp tumblr #dsmpblr #dreamsmp #not really a dsmp theory im not theorizing but yea #c! dream

22 notes · View notes

aquagustd · 2 years

Note

🐇 anon here!

my guess is that tae, yoongi, jk, and jimin all had something go down. maybe some sort of possessiveness, some tension or like a heated argument... i can imagine yoongi probably getting in the way and accidentally getting shot. not sure by who but if it was tae then theres no doubt jungkook would be the first to throw the blame on him 💀 im just making shit up lmao but i can see them having a pissing contest for oc, since it is a love triangle. maybe jungkook is trynna butter our girl up for some hidden reason, get those old emotions to resurface so that she can be what he needs. i think the whole sora argument was a hint. sora probably is not a good fit for jk as much as he tried to put her in those shoes. im just sensing more of a partnership rather than a full on romantic relationship like our beloved fast forward couple. <3 "hardly paradise" lmfao jk. idk i want to believe that jungkook is an itachi character where he is okay with being the bad guy because he really does care he just isnt the one to show it genuinely anymore. he prefers to flaunt it and manipulate people as some sort of protective ego thing. i do believe he has that edge to his character, and that no one is fully evil. jungkook is just the person who we have seen do the most (not justifying, just pointing it out). taehyung def should come clean soon about his life and intentions if he intends on being a second father figure 🥴 i notice how many times conversations arent finished and there are many interruptions written in the dialogue. both tae and jk love to switch subjects. also yoongi got kinda short with miss oc dafuk 🙂 i think hes frustrated because he knows more than he lets on. it def makes me follow the bread crumb trail and i feel like a detective at this point haha. im just trying to piece together what im seeing. if we are seeing patterns and commonalities between everyone its like watching the past come back to light, but everyone switched roles. anyways im rambling but i cant wait to see more of jk and his schemes along with taes truth being revealed. i think they are more alike than they are different and thats why oc may have a hard time in the future. sooo many parallels. junho is our little angel who sees the good in everyone i fear. hoping the best for all of the characters! thanks again for sharing ur gift with us yus. 🥰

yes !! you were right 🫣 sorry i’m only getting to this after i posted part 6 🥲 but yeah you’re making some valid points. jk is probably only trying to butter oc up so he can get her to do what he wants. as for sora…she won’t leave that easily.

yoongi knows too much 🥲 his justification is that he’s trying to protect oc.

exactly. both jk & tae deflect from the subject and then expect oc to forget about it ✋🏻 i think they’re both kinda similar — but not completely. ig where one lacks the other is better. tysm for reading bb <3 i look forward to hearing from you with future parts !! 🤍

#🐇 anon #fic: hie #squishies #hie: theories #smileysixth

3 notes · View notes

pinkseas · 2 years

Text

bads frustration with the vines being cleaned up, “so disappointing, its all in preparation” god you can HEAR it and how upset he is im so. im so. im Not sane

the red banquet advertising LMAO was nervous but i feel better now.

no but the way bbh is still borderline fond of quackity even while corrupt. the way he shows little to no mercy to ANYONE he used to care about, towards his own friends, especially those going against the egg, and comparatively he’s so much easier on quackity, trying so hard to make him understand, really trying not to hurt him. god

remembering what the basement used to look like is SO jarring. one of my first ever streams i remember seeing it virtually untouched, i think one statue mightve been red ??? and NOTHING else. its so. its So.

i know the whole thing with nether blocks being used is mostly because of how well the colors all work and the lava but MAN does it make me think. especially considering my favorite nether worldbuilding has to do with the nether itself being one massive sentient being netherrack flesh walls etc etc idk !!!!! makes me Think. love it so bad

they built it all so nicely starts crying. “i wonder if we have enough seats for everyone” i know they literally murder bitches but STARTS CRYING

egg please dont speak backwards when i dont have access to what youre really saying Thank You

bads frustration the way he cows with whatever its saying “I know! i know. you dont have to say it anymore” WHAT IS IT SAYING IM SOOOO. im so.

i still swear the shroomlights around it make it look like petals unfurling

“eggactly according to plan” i hate it here. god it really is still them. like i know thats mostly cc bbh but im Choosing to interpret it as the characters still being themselves even with the eggs influence. Man.

“theyre gonna have no other choice but to love it!” hmmm.

bad exasperation with skeppy. crying in a different way now

officially pausing my quiet bloodvines playlist in the background to really hear this god help me

“i wanna be next to the egg” NO inflection, completely monotone. everyone was affected differently but for the most part they kept their personalities and emotions- skeppy is just. almost gone. no emotion, no care, nothing but wanting the egg. it makes me SO curious about how the egg works and what it does i swear

“we both know theres nothing wrong with the egg and the eggs great and all” the way bad is literally only here for skeppy i am GOING to cry. i cant even remember what extent is or isnt canon i just know in my mind bad broke free of its influence, is probably far more resistant to it now, and is still there because his best friend loves the egg and he wants his best friend back. god.

still caring for and being worried about skeppy but at this point its so far in and hes starting to get more frustrated/give up hope

“lets go for a walk” literally just wanting to spend time with him GOD. how is there another 20 minutes im gonna Die

skeppy being so far gone and just. not giving a damn. its so jarring but also ive only seen skeppy like this? my 2nd or 3rd stream was BBH and puffy trying to get skeppy back to himself after he’d first been corrupted, the one where they had that little underground house and the big skeppy face in the wall and bad was upset because skeppy wasnt his best friend anymore. but i think i vaguely recall him at least pretending to be a bit more emotional or cheerful, in a cynical sort of way ?? and now its. total carelessness and apathy.

“all of this, all of this is for him, and its so frustrating. i know that egg is not evil and everything and everyone is just misunderstanding it” GENUINELY cant tell if this is genuine or just him convincing himself. like obviously the egg is awful but we never learned its actual intentions. obviously the banquet was mostly death but i really, really have to wonder. there are SO many things

“i dont like how much time he spends by it now, he literally just hangs out by it” implying the slow build of him hanging around the egg itself more and more and how its making him worse. obviously being physically close to the egg is REALLY bad and corrupts you much faster but i have to wonder if part of it is also skeppy becoming more corrupt the more the others serve the egg ??? idk idk idk thats NOT a full thought

SKEPPY ABLE TO REPAIR IT i did not know that. holy shit

the skeppy “do you wanna take a picture? i mean you keep looking at me” its cruel but god. he’s really still in there too its not full apathy hes not fully gone just wildly fucking corrupt. GOD.

bad sounds So Sad he cares so much more about skeppy than the egg holy shit. step aside c!clingyduo

skeppy being VERY aware of the egg and area and what has and hasnt been touched.... so in tune with it.... i love it here

NOT THE OLD STATUES BAD PLEASE. “yeah. i look good.” SKEPPY.......... ohhhh my god and bad saying it looked better before. fuck. Fuck.

i have a weird thought/hc about the egg running off of wishes or willpower of those corrupt or something and skeppy wanting his friends to be safe and abandon him so the egg can die vs bad just wanting skeppy and it working horribly. skeppy being more and more cold and corrupt as hes trying to drive bad to abandon him, bad pushing closer JUST wanting his friend, both fueling the egg up until bad finally gives up, decides its not worth it, and inadvertently frees them both. and it REALLY doesnt have much ground in canon but this is fueling it just a little bit. skeppy REALLY doesnt want bad talking to him.

bad not giving a damn or even flinching or moving anytime he gets burned

BAD SHIFTING AND BEING SO EXCITED WHEN SKEPPY MIGHT TAKE THE WALK EVEN THOUGH ITS JUST TO GET LEFT ALONE. NAURRRRRRRRR. JUMPING UP AND DOWN AS SKEPPY ACTUALLY MOVES. FUCK.

bad literally praising the egg vs telling it to shush when he just wants to be around skeppy GODDDDD

okay skeppy interrupting the egg made me assume he couldnt hear it but that solidifies it i think. he couldve been doing the threatening “who are you talkign to” as in who are you daring to shut up but i genuinely think he cant hear it, it doesnt seem like he was being more threatening until he realized bad WAS talking about the egg

skeppy also not giving a damn about the burning in spite of having No armor and definitely taking damage, “i like how it feels” ohhhh my god. bads tired, quiet “of course you do” FUCK ME

skeppy getting all dramatic about the dance and bad shutting him down LMAO

bad REALLY trying to get skeppy to spend less time around the egg, “do you think thats like, good for you?” its all for skeppy everything is for skeppy fr.

TELLING THE EGG TO SHUT UP AGAIN.

“okay done come back” no hesitation, bad still arguing every time because hes still fighting for him in any way he can

“It’s not about power, it’s not about control, I’m your FRIEND Skeppy” “I mean, you can think that” holy SHIT. cant tel if skeppys voice sounded more apathetic or more sad. it almost sounded sad but i might be imagining things

“What, that egg, that egg is gonna be your FRIEND?” GODDDDDDDDDD

“The egg is more than life itself, dont you understand? dont you feel it? no, you wouldnt understand” eyes WIDE open

“youd rather hang out on this egg than on me??” giggling thank you bbh for the slip up i once again feel better now

“Skeppy, tell me im your friend right now” the way theyre arguing i have NO clue whats in skeppys head right now but bad being so furious and fed up and desperate, EVERYTHING hes done with this egg has been for skeppy, every bit of it for their friendship, and now skeppy is saying every bit of that effort and everything hes done has been for nothing because they arent even friends.

the talk of sacrifice ohhhhh my god. oh my god. oh my God. this whole conversation is so. holy shit.

“i just dont want you next to THAT” the way hes willing to spend so much time with/around the egg but even now doesnt want skeppy near it. fuck.

THE SELFISH TALK... STEP ASIDE C!CLINGYDUO

the way selfish prob hits so hard because in his mind he PROBABLY hates this is hurting so many people making so many sacrifices ALL for skeppy and their friendship, not at all for him, ohhhh my god. theyre both right and theyre both a little wrong and i hate it im soooo

“IT��S JUST A STUPID EGG SKEPPY” he literally does not like the egg he literally hates the egg he doesnt care for it every single thing has been for skeppy hes not FULLY under his influence he does it for skeppy. THE FUCKING HORROR IN HIS VOICE AS HE GASPED AND SKEPPY DIED IM SO. IM SO. IM SO.

the “what happened, what did i do” the way THAT in itself was so influenced by the egg, maybe consciously maybe not but definitely by the MONTHS of serving bad did all for skeppy im so. im so. im sooooo.

i cannot for the LIFE of me tell what is going on in that ending

“please actually answer me. bad?” holy shit.hjoly shit. holy shit.,

#vodblogging #mau rambles

4 notes · View notes

sagewolfsbos · 3 years

Note

My fiance doesn't like me doing witchcraft... I dont know what to do now. My altar is still up but he made me take some stuff off of it. It made me feel like I really was doing something wrong. How would you handle this. (Also one of my spells may have made someone ill which wasn't my intent).

Hello. First, I want to say I'm sorry your fiance isn't very accepting of your path. I can't imagine how hard that would be.

That being said, my next bit of advice may not be pleasant and it wont be easy to hear. I, personally, would never be with someone who doesn't accept me and my path. You deserve someone who respects you, and this isnt respect. I'm even a bit concerned by the fact that he "made" you take some stuff off your altar. This comes across as very controlling to me. No one in your life should be making you change your sacred space. That space is for you and unless you have a shared altar, he has no say in that. If he wouldn't walk into a church and tell them to change their altar, he shouldn't be doing it to you either.

It sounds to me like your fiance holds a lot of fear and ignorance about your beliefs and practices. Sadly, this is still so common with so many people. Pagans, witches, and people of many different faiths and spiritual paths have been criticized for their beliefs and practices because society has taught them that we are evil and dangerous. If you have tried educating him about your path, and he still wont budge, I would genuinely stop to think about where you want your relationship to go from here. Can you really marry someone who doesnt accept you? Are you ok with giving up your personal path for him? How far are you willing to go to please him? Where do you draw the line in changing yourself for him? A relationship needs to be built on trust and respect. I can't tell you what to do, as I dont know your entire situation. What I can tell you is that, if it were me, I hold my path very close to my heart. It's very personal and very important to me, and I could never give it up just to make someone else happy. At that point, I would be sacrificing my own happiness and forcing myself down a path I know isn't right for me. No relationship is worth that to me.

I want you to know that you are doing nothing wrong by choosing witchcraft. Remember that we are blessed (by whatever deity/energy you believe is out there) with the ability to make real change in our lives. I dont see that as evil or dangerous. Magick is neutral. It is up to us to decide how to use it. Think of it this way: a knife is neither good nor bad, but I can choose to use one to prepare a meal for my family, or to harm someone. The choice is mine. The same can be said about magick. Magick is a tool. We decide how to use that tool.

To touch on your final part, spells that dont go as planned are always frustrating, and they become more worrisome if someone is hurt in the process. If you feel that you are responsible for an illness you didnt intend, I encourage you to look back see what may have caused it. Learn from this mistake and do your best not to do it again. Keep in mind that this could also just be a coincidence. It's easy to see a cause and effect when it isnt there. If you truly believe a spell has backfired that hurt someone, I would suggest doing a reversal spell, a spell to break your previous spell, and/or saying a prayer to your chosen deity, asking them for help and guidance, and to heal the person that was effected. You could even do a healing spell for them and see if it helps.

If you have any further questions, you are welcome to message me and we can speak further. I wish you the best of luck in your path, your relationship, and your life.

Blessed Be

-SageWolf

#sagewolf content #witchcraft #ask response

7 notes · View notes

5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Text

Ruin

Summary: An attempt to get Roman and Remus to get along fails and leaves Remus reeling. Indulging in a bad habit to try and keep the thoughts away from Thomas leads to Logan finding out, though instead of the ridicule he's expecting, he receives kindness instead.

Warnings: self harm, slight unsympathetic Roman, slight disassociation, hurt with happy ending

Please do not read with the intention if triggering yourself. If you are triggered by self harm I and other authors have others stories for you to read. Stay safe.

Ships: platonic intrulogical, Logan x Remus

WC: 2, 140

"You're just useless! Nothing you do has any purpose other than to torment and I'm so sick of it!"

Remus recoiled from his brothers harsh words, cookies spilled on the floor from where he had swept them away. He had been rather pleased with how vague the penis shape actually was, chocolate chips painstakedly placed so you'd only notice if you looked closely. Roman had looked closely.

Sometimes Remus genuinely couldn't help doing things impulsively; the idea had come to his mind and he had done it without a thought to any possible repercussions and now Roman was mad and it had actually been going well for once but now he had ruined it just like he always did and what if he just stabbed him to get rid of the problem?

The thought came abruptly and without prompt, making him blink back to reality as Roman continued to rant before noticing he hadn't been paying attention.

"But of course you don't care. You aren't even paying attention to a word I'm saying. You ruin everything and I don't understand why I even try!" Ever the dramatic, Roman sunk out with a final huff and throw of his arms, leaving Remus stuck standing trembling in the middle of a mess. No one else was around, leaving the twins alone for "bonding time". Wasn't that a laugh and a half.

'I wonder if the cookies could act like marbles in those old cartoons and I'd slip and fall and crack my head open and-' Drawing a shaky breath his busied himself with cleaning to try and dispell the unwanted thoughts. It was in his nature to be impulsive, brash. He was loud and insistant, truly the living embodiment of Intrusive Thoughts that plagued Thomas' mind when it got to be too much to hold in.

'What if you smashed your hand in the oven?' He turned the oven off and went to grab a broom. 'How hard would you have to fall for a broom to stab through your intestines? How fast would you have to run to stab someone else's?'

Kitchen relatively clean he spun around once more to make sure. 'Just grab a knife. You don't have to use it, just feel it.'

If he sunk out while holding the fridge could he smash Roman with it?

Roman's dark blood staining the carpet an even deeper red.

Remus standing by as the other screamed.

How easy would those screams be to shut up.

How easily would he be to shut up.

Could fascets die? Was it worth trying to find out?

Subconsciously he realized he was walking down the hall to his room, eyed glazed over as the thoughts continued making him feel spacey and fake. He shut the door behind him and stood for what felt like hours, head going everywhere and no where at once until one thought forced him to snap out of it slightly.

'You're going to hurt Thomas. You're going to make him want to hurt others.'

He embodied intrusive thoughts and bad creativity but most of the time those thoughts were just remembering unpleasant sensations or thinking of a crude or out of context joke that would be inappropriate to say out loud. It was random, harmless thought spirals that most of the time you could shake your way out of and Remus simply did whatever random thing there was to do around the mind scape to get rid of excess energy. When he was upset however, the thought spirals grew darker, more suggestive, supplying ghastly images that he wouldn't mind seeing if it was sat in front of a horror movie but as it was...

Persistent thoughts continued to pound through his head, flicking between hurt to angry to apathetic and back before he could breathe. He wanted to hurt something, someone, and he could practically feel the toxic mindset leaching into Thomas' thought process even as he struggled to contain it. He ripped through his desk drawers desperately, everything neat despite his chaotic nature though the desperation rose as hiding spot after hiding spot came up empty. Chewed nails scraped at the underside of the bed frame then groped in the darkest corners of his room. His eyes landed on a small picture frame, a drawing he had done that Janus had framed long ago before any of this had been a problem and quickly went to rip it off the wall.

Taped to the back a small blade glinted passively in the dull light, making his breath hitch in relief as he grabbed it out of its confines. His sleeve went up without a thought until he forced all of concentration on the task at hand.

The first few, well several, cuts were nothing. His skin tingled numbly as straight lines were drawn across it, taking a second or two to well up with blood but by then he had already moved on. Just a small patch, right below his elbow on his outer arm. Thicker skin made for more lines. It wasn't until they began to overlap that he truly felt it, minutes later, stinging and angry and flowing and...

Quiet.

His mind was silent for once. Blissful peace after the turmoil of not ten minutes before hand. The razor fell to the floor as he bit his lip tiredly and stared at the slow growing puddle on the floor. The blood flow slowed, just barely pulsing out with his heartbeat. Looking around reality set itself in place and the slight whooshing in his ears abated just enough for him to hear persistent knocking at the door.

Wait.

Scrambling in a half panic Remus yanked his sleeve back down, letting out a hiss before shoving a blanket to the floor and stumbling over to the door, nearly getting a fist to his face when he got it open.

Logan's startled face quickly knitted into concern as he glanced Remus over, pursing his lips in thought.

"What is it Nerdy Wolverine." His tone was flat but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"I overheard your argument, I thought it would be alright to assume you may need some level of...comfort."

Remus laughed tiredly. "Did Ro not open his door?"

Logan had the decency to look confused. "I don't know, I didn't check."

"You didn't....check on Roman? You came for me first?" It had to be a trick, some idiotic set up Patton had created. Check on the evil twin first to make sure he isnt wrecking havoc then check the better one to be sure he's okay. "Get out."

He slammed the door unceremoniously in the logical sides face, leaning against it heavily.

"Remus." His voice came through muffled. "I assure you I mean well. Roman can be...a lot. I simply wish to make sure everything is alright."

Remus didn't answer.

"Remus I will be frank," and Remus could barely make out the added 'though my name is Logan' mumbled as an afterthought. "I smelled the blood. Either you tell me why or I will come in and figure it out myself."

Swallowing Remus called out weakly. "It was an experiment Google Dex, it's fine."

"The fact that there was not one disturbing punchline in that sentence says otherwise."

"You can't come in."

"I could."

"I might hurt you."

"You won't."

"I'm dangerous."

"You're not."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"I ruin everything."

"You aren't ruining anything."

"You've said that before. To Virgil"

"Yes. But saying it before to a different person doesn't make the statement any less true."

Remus gripped at his still bleeding arm, knocking his head against the door softly before rocking himself to his feet and stepping back. "Fine."

The door opened and Logan immediately swept the room before settling on first the tipped drawers, then the blanket still heaped on the floor and finally settling on Remus himself. He zeroed in on the arm he was still holding, prompting the darker side to drop it immediately even though it was too late. Silently Logan held out his hand and looked imploringly at Remus, starting him to comply.

"I know. And it's alright Remus it truly is. I just want to help."

Confused but intrigued Rrmus let his hands be taken and tugged to the bed, giving a half hearted eye brow wiggled that earned a small smirk from Logan before he snapped up a first aid kit. He carefully rolled up the sleeve, not even flinching as the mess was revealed to him. Five babywipes and a roll of gauze later his arm was bandaged neatly, causing him to look questioningly at the other.

"How are you so calm about this? You don't"

"No. But I know basic first aid." Logan sat back and looked up at him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Remus looked up and away, tugging his sleeve back down and wincing at the dull ache the action caused. "I made Roman mad because I was being stupid-"

"Falsehood. Try again."

Snapping his head back he opened and shut his mouth before blurting out another excuse. "Roman yelled because I was being impulsive-"

"Nope. Again."

"I was-"

"Remus." Logans tone effectively shutting him up he couldn't help but squirm in confusion. "You didn't do anything. Maybe you could have discussed the....creative take you were going with with your design, but you had split the batch had you not? Roman should have stayed out of what you were doing with yours."

"You were watching?"

"I wanted to make sure no one got hurt. You two tend to become physical and I was there to expel any conflict should it turn violent. I was not however, prepared for a one sided screaming match. Roman has been stressed and while that isn't an excuse it isn't a new occurrence. Why was this-" Logan gestured to his arm. "Done as a stress response? You've argued before haven't you?"

Remus twisted his fingers together. "My head gets loud. And bad. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll make Thomas hurt something, so I hurt instead to calm it for a while."

Logan nodded. "That's perfectly understandable."

"It is?"

"Unhealthy. But yes, understandable. I will ask that you try finding a less destructive way to calm these thoughts. You may think this is helping Thomas but I assure you he'd much rather work with you in a healthy way than you destroying yourself in the background."

Slowly, Remus blinked down at him. "What?"

"I said-"

"I know what you said I just...why do you care?"

Logan stood. "Why wouldn't I? You are an integral part of who we are and as unconventional as you may be at times, you are still apart of the family. I care a great deal."

He said this flippantly, as if it was obvious, completely oblivious to the way it took Remus' breath and heart and soul and made him want to projectile vomit it onto the floor in front of the other man's feet.

"You really care?" Remus blurts out quietly.

"Of course." Logams reply is simple, logical. Clipped but with an undertone that was unmistakably kind even with the impassivity he was attempting to pull off. He sucked in a breath as a hand was extended to him, looking up with a raised eyebrow.

"I thought you might like company, and it might be a good idea to not be in this room right now. Staying in a place of hurt often makes you want to continue the hurt and I'd rather it cease for today."

Hesitantly Remus took the offered hand and followed Logan out the door and into another room lined with books and posters and odd sciencey bits and baubles. He immediately gravitated towards the bookshelf after getting a nod of consent from the owner, plopping down and curling to the side to read the spines. Feeling a nudge he turned and was met with a plate with a few of his cookie creations placed neatly on it.

"Some weren't knocked down and were salvageable. The chip placement makes for a very symmetrical taste experience that I quite enjoy." Remus looked on in amazement as Logan prattled on, taking a cookie for himself and watching Logan take two before sitting down at his desk to eat and work. Grinning to himself he stuffed the rest of the treats in his mouth and bent at a different angle to read book titles again, sharing the silence with the other side contentedly.

He still felt bad and useless and a million other things at once that crawled beneath his skin and raged against his nerves. He looked over at Logan happily munching away at the crude cookie making him smile wider.

He still felt shitty but maybe there were things he didnt ruin after all.

This work and others is available on AO3!

Please do not tag duke don't look.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #self harm #tw self harm #tw dissociation #unsympathetic roman #logan sanders #remus sanders #ts intrusive thoughts

20 notes · View notes

gizkasparadise · 5 years

Text

kdrama rec: arthdal chronicles

Master Kdrama rec list.

Series: Arthdal Chronicles/Chronicles of Arthdal Episodes: 18 (with an opening for another season) SEASON 2 IS ON! (one..day) Genres: fantasy, pseudo-historical, politics, romance, action/adventure/Quests Spoilers in the Review: yes regarding one character :/ they’re a main and their existence is a spoiler If You Like, You’ll Like: spartacus, REVERSE HAREMS, villain couples with functional macbeth realness, male characters with hair better than the female characters, but female characters generally being far far more competent, moon lovers but not as sad, dictatorships for the Aesthetic, blood+, anything with Mystic God Priest Power, Destiny

Rank: 10/10

“owning the land is equal to owning the sky and the wind.”

Premise (spoilers for the first episode and the existence of a major character).

in the pseudo-Bronze Age, two races of people (the sarams and the neanthals) live in an uneasy co-existence. the sarams want an alliance for the neanthal’s lands so that they can farm and mine, the neanthals are like lol we don’t need any of that because we actually have survivalist skills so keep your agriculture you nerds b y e.

the leader of the saram is Not Having That, and sends an envoy (asa hon) to allegedly act as a diplomat. what she actually does is unknowingly carries a plague that wipes out a huge chunk of the neanthals. because that is not enough, the leader sends his son (tagon) to wrap up the rest of this genocide.

asa hon is betrayed and upset and doesn’t return to the sarams. instead, she shacks up with a surviving neanthal named ragaz and they have spoilers twin boys spoilers, hybrids known as igutu. based on Prophecy, any children born under the blue flame comet are Destined to bring calamity. so, doom babies. they are two doom babies.

after killing ragaz, tagon snatches one of the babies For Reasons, and asa hon flees with the other

flashforward about a decade.

the neanthals are extinct OR ARE THEY we get a pretty Quick understanding of who tagon is as a human as he’s re-introduced drinking out of one of their skulls before being surrounded by his hypemen who chant his name Gaston style. he’s joined by taeahla, and they are a Match Made in Hell. it’s quickly revealed that taeahl is raising the other twin baby, who is kept hidden because he’s igutu. and, like, tagon’s famous because he killed all of the neanthal, so having one of their hybrid babies is ngl

asa hon makes it to a land beyond the saram’s influence, where she and eunseom come across a tribe called wahan. they’re lead by a ten-year-old tanya, who had a dream that eunseom would arrive. which is a big deal, because sarams can’t dream. it turns out tanya was also born on Blue Comet Doom Prophecy Day. asa hon dies from the injuries she obtained saving her son, and eunseom is raised by the wahan tribe. it’s a very idyllic existence for them.

until tagon and his men invade in a manifest-destiny-realness bid to capture slaves and conquer land and ruin wahan’s coachella festival before enslaving all of them and bringing what survives of the tribe to arthdal.

the plot then centers around eunseom trying to rescue the wahan tribe, the wahan tribe trying to survive arthdal, and something about gods being reborn, political backstabbing, a church cult being absolute dicks, and a lot of interchangeable evil old men

it’s a fucking awesome show.

Characters.

Eunseom

A PRECIOUS BEAN BABY

eunseom’s been a part of the wahan tribe since he was ten, but everyone (especially him) is aware he’s Different From The Rest of the Reindeer. the only one who treats him the same is tanya, and it’s clear these two are joined at the hip. he has dreams of being locked away in a tower, has a bunch of ~strange~ ideas like trying to ride horses, and is totes crushing on the soon-to-be village wise woman. once the wahan village is attacked, he makes it his mission to save the tribe and his One True Love tanya

pure. does not think things through. just wants to believe in people, god damn it.

tanya

my wife daughter of the wahanian version of “crazy old maurice,” and apprentice to the Great Mother of the Tribe. as another child born under the Doom Comet, she’s been known as the Prophesied One since birth (the One Who Will Break the Shell). we meet her as she’s struggling to follow in the Great Mother’s footsteps, and her journey is grounded in uncovering her mystical destiny. naive and a fish out of water, she leads her people in surviving arthdal after their enslavement

moves like jagger. center of a reverse harem. by her pretty flower crown she can end you

tagon

this bitch but also that bitch. almost single-handedly responsible for the genocide of the neanthals, tagon’s grown into the leader of an army that is the definition of ride-or-die for him. he has a 100% approval rating in arthdal due to defeating the neanthal, defeating the ago tribe, and defeating the will to live for the thousands of slaves he supplies for arthdal’s terrible economic system. he starts the series off with Pure Intentions, in that he wants to rule but he wants to do it by The Love of The People. because that works out well for people who habitually wear black cloaks

poster child #1 for arthdal’s fantastic hair products for men, will smirk you to death, you feel sorry for him a lot and you’re like why?? but then yeaaah, can only stare in heart eyes at his partner in subterfuge...

taeahla

MY WIFE said partner in subterfuge. i cannot spell her fucking name ever. her and tagon have been Not Together for over ten years. she’s the heiress to the hae tribe, who are known for their inventions and are the only tribe that knows how to smith bronze into weapons. therefore she’s hot shit. and also just hot. she seems like the character You’re Not Going to Like but she became one of my favorites after the first episode.

she wants to help tagon in his ambitions, but she also v much wants to see his ambitions help herself. her and tagon made an Oath to never sacrifice their survival for the other and that’s the most metal thing i’ve ever heard. she wears couture. would get a pre-nup. can and will fuck you up. and she also raises the Hidden Igutu Twin Doom Baby...SPOILERS

saya

so at this point you’re probably thinking a few things: this show needs more beautiful hair and pro fashion sense, a complete shit stirrer, and a morally ambiguous pretty boy.

well well well

saya is eunseom’s twin brother, although neither of them know about the other’s existence. because of their neanthal blood, they can see snapshots of each other’s lives in their dreams. as his existence would lead to death, and would DEFINITELY garner tagon some bad PR, saya’s been locked away in his princess tower for the majority of his life. he views tagon and taeahla as his father and mother, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.

daddy’s boy. wants to kill birds for fun. has the hots for the girl who can teach him how to kill birds for fun. surprisingly religious???

Other support characters selected by how much they are my favorites.

mubaek. an OG warrior and tired wine uncle

chae eun. daughter of the somehow singular doctor in arthdal and the only one who actually wants to help people. INCREDIBLE knit wear

xabara WARRIOR QUEEN OF A TRIBE OF MERMEN

yangcha. like. just look at him. you already know he was your favorite character in the 923840923 angsty anime you watched in 2010. Ultimate Warrior for tagon who has Taken a Vow of Silence and Wears A Half Mask So You Know He’s Actually Hot. the mask is torn off his face dramatically at least once. there’s a quota for that kind of thing, you know

this horse.

Drawbacks.

it’s very much an Ensemble show, which means if you’re only watching for 1-2 characters you’re likely going to get frustrated. there’s several plot lines going on

there’s a lot of Interchangeable Evil Old Men and i dont care about any of them

IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER AND SEASON 2 ISNT CONFIRMED YET ISNT GONNA BE UNTIL LIKE 2022

Reasons to Watch.

WORLD BUILDING. im a huge nerd for world building and the lore in this makes me so happy.

AESTHETICS. find me a more beautiful cast with more beautiful scenery and costumes. you can’t.

i love?? all the leads???? like normally i get frustrated with the second leads in dramas, but i genuinely love all of them and was interested in all of their stories. this show has an incredible cast/set of actors and they bring it home

im a sucker for romance. there’s some great ones. and omg do you know how rare it is to see a reverse harem?! get it, tanya

the time era is cool!!

Gods doing Mystical God Shit

so many female characters!!!!!! AND NONE OF THEM FIGHT OVER A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEY’RE ALL BETTER AT THEIR JOBS

Final Thoughts.

WATCH THE THING

IT’S ON NETFLIX

#arthdal chronicles #arthdal #song joong ki #kim ji won #kdrama #gizkarec #gizka does kdrama #!my post

230 notes · View notes

kaialone · 5 years

Note

Quick question. I saw on twitter that you mentioned that the Shadowside had things set up, but were changed after Hino stopped writing. You said something about Junior, but were there any other things you think were supposed to be different. Genuinely curious, because I haven't noticed anything, but I'm usually not very good at noticing these types of things. (Love your blog, and I hope you have a nice day!)

Thank you! (Sorry for the slightly late response ^^;)

Well, I’m not sure if I have much to say on this, I don’t have any actual background information of course, there’s just a bit one can read into it.

It’s gonna be a bit long, so I’m putting it under a read more.

The first episode is written by Hino, and in it we see some set ups that don’t really get picked up much afterwards.

One simple example is actually that Movie 4 and the PV for the first episode still used the OG tribes, Charming, etc, but by the time the first episode came out, the Charming symbol on Jibanyan’s arc was changed to Mononoke, from the new system. This means at that point, the new tribe system was just getting invented, and it also indicated Shadowside was kinda suffering from the fact that it was made before YKW4, so changes in mechanics like this were harder to implement.

I feel this is prolly why we don’t got tribe songs anymore, which is a real pity. Like Shadowside the anime couldnt have them, cause the tribe system was literally still being invented as the show was made, and YKW4 the game couldnt have them because well, gotta stick to what the anime did.

But thats more a mechanics thing and isnt tied directly to the narrative.

For a narravtive example, the first episode is mostly told from Keisuke’s perspective, and while I don’t think that has to mean he was going to be the main character at some point, it did make it seem like there was at least the idea of more character development for him.

It made sense to start the series with him, since he has this outsider perspective, but it also sets him up as this easily frightened kid who denies the supernatural. So in the first episode, a major point for him is accepting the existence of yokai, partially through the help of his deceased friend, who has become a yokai.

The episode ends with him saying to himself “Yokai definitely exist, I know this because my best friend is one”.

And yet, immediately afterwards in the next episode, we see Keisuke trying to calm himself by singing “yokai dont exist at all”. Now, one could do something interesting here, like Keisuke fluctuating between what he wants to believe, and have some conflict with that, but

From that point on, all Keisuke ever does is be frightened as a running gag, like the once per episode rule is that he gets scared by the yokai of the week, and thats it. He gets one or two episodes, but even those dont do anything with his character.

In episode 1, Keisuke was a multi-faceted character who happened to be easily frightened and insecure. Every episode after that reduced him to the single trait of “scared”, which maybe a little bit of sass sometimes, but everyone is sassy in the YKW animes.

And then in the final episodes he gets the confidence to help out, but there isnt really much that causes it, outside of a speech from Junior, but in either case, like 50-ish episodes of 0 character focus doesn’t get undone by a tiny bit of focus at the end.

Adding to that, another interesting thing is that like, even though Bourei Banchou is literally his best friend, he never has any interaction with Keisuke again, really.

He gets summoned once in episode 5, where he is taken out in 1 hit with no lip service, and then he is summoned again in the finale as a bit of a nod, but there is no real character there.

What makes this interesting is that in merchandise, Bourei Banchou was actually shown to have a Lightside, Banchō, whom we even get to see some anime-style render of on some cards/stickers:

Considering the development of YKW4 was probably really early at this point (see the part about tribes) it’s unlikely they wouldn’ve created this design unless it was meant to be in the anime.

And when you look at him, he has very typical Yokai Watch sidekick look, doesnt he? So based on that I feel it’s likely that at some point, Banchō was meant to be Keisuke’s yokai partner, and be shown hanging around him and be an actual character and stuff.

But who knows.

One might say “well I don’t care about Keisuke, so I’m glad this didn’t happen” or something, which is a valid opinion to have, I’m just saying it seems obvious there was something dropped here.

Next we get the “Kaima” aspect. In episode 1, Fukurou’s dart hits a human which transforms him into a “Kaima”, which is what “Wicked Yokai” are called in Japanese, but the Japanese term has slightly different connotations, so…

Anyway, the question in hindsight is like: What the heck was that about?

This never happens again.

In episode 2 he hits the boy, but it doesn’t transform him, it shoots “evil” at Charlie the bike yokai, and Charlie turns bad.

After that he accidentally hits Jinta while trying to hit a human? And I think from that point on he either misses all the time or just hits the yokai directly.

And we never really get any explanation of what these darts even are, really.

Like, we know that supposedly it’s to look for the princess, but why?

Why does hitting humans and/or yokai with evil darts help?

One could assume make it’d awaken the Princess, but then why did he aim for what was clearly random punk jerks?

Did only Fukurou have those darts? If yes, how? And if yes, why was Shuten Douji not upset when Fukurou perished, at the very least over losing those darts?

Why did it only transform people in episode 1? In the very finale, we get people being transformed again, so I feel it maybe have at some point been tied to that, if they had a vague idea of what Soranaki was going to be yet.

But it’s clear there’s specific details that were meant to different.

Also, given what we learn later, why was Fukurou serving Shuten Douji, considering Shuten Douji’s main agenda is eventually revealed to be tied to restoring the power of the Oni Tribe, which Fukurou is not a member of.

It’s not like Shuten Douji has countless minions, he just as Douketstu and Fukurou, so I really gotta wonder why the latter is there.

Lastly a bit about Junior.

Now, Junior does not appear in the first episode, so this has less to do with Hino’s writing in particular, but I still think there might’ve been different intentions for Junior originally.

In the show itself, Junior is eventually revealed to have been born from pieces of Jibanyan’s body, and that’s really it. Despite this reveal, Junior doesn’t even get any major interactions with Jibanyan.

That in itself kinda feels to me like the anime writers didn’t have much of an idea of what to do with Junior, like they do with most characters.

And in any case, I really do think that originally, at some point in the production, Junior was meant to be born from Jibanyan and Whisper.

I’m not saying he was meant to be their literal baby, but I think he was probably meant to have been created in a similar manner to the show, but with parts of Whisper involved as well.

I mean, Junior’s design invokes traits of Jibanyan and Whisper alike in such a way that I have a really hard time to believe this wasn’t the intention at first.

There’s another reason I believe this, too.

Before Shadowside the anime was out, Hino showed of some early art during an “Inazuma Walker” stream, which mostly focused on Inazuma Eleven, but has some other stuff, too.

When Junior was shown, his co-host jokingly said “Well, everyone can tell this the child of Whisper and Jibanyan”, to which Hino replied “Um, it’s a bit different.”

While Hino does say that “it’s a bit different”, I also feel the co-host probably wouldn’t have made the “it’s Whisper’s and Jibanyan’s kid” joke unless there was a bit of truth to it?

But this is only speculation on my part again, I could be wrong.

Regardless of what Junior’s origin was going to be, we can also see early teasers of YKW4 showing him next to Natsume, almost like a counterpart to Whisper&Jibanyan for Nate, and Nekomata for Shin.

This makes me think that earlier on, Junior was possibly intended as Natsume’s main yokai “sidekick” or at least one of them, possibly fulfilling a role to her that would be similar to Whisper and especially OG Jibanyan.

But in the final product in both Shadowside and YKW4, Junior is more of a tag along, who doesn’t have a particular bond with any of the human characters.

Alright, those were just some of my thoughts, I hope this is what you were asking about?

Note that I have no idea what the behind-the-scenes of YKW looks like, this is just speculation. And even if I was right, that doesn’t mean any of this was done “behind Hino’s back” or the like. Even when he’s not writing directly, he could still be approving of any change, as far as I know.

To me it just personally felt like the anime writers couldn’t, or didn’t want to, follow up with some of the set-ups Hino made, not just story-wise, but especially characterization-wise.

#yokai watch #yokai watch shadowside #yokai watch 4 #reply

23 notes · View notes

dark-angel666 · 5 years

Text

You have your mothers eyes

Summary: You and the boys tell jack that family isn’t just in blood but in those around you....I guess idk I’m bad at summaries. Enjoy! or not I can’t tell ya what to do.

You walked into the bunkers library to find Cas, Sam and Jack all working separately in silence. You’re eyes scanned the room and fell on Jack sitting gazing at a book not really reading it but more staring at the words lost in thought, you lightly placed yourself down in a chair beside him trying no to startle him “Penny for your thoughts” you asked peeking your head around behind the book to get his attention. Jack sprung to life “uhh I umm” looked at you muddled “Its an expression” your words fell flat in your throat and decided you explain it another time “whats on your mind you seem…distant” you asked him genuinely concerned. Jack closed the book and placed it silently on the table “Am I going to be like my father?” his voice flowed heavily from behind his lips, the room grew smaller as all attention fell to you and Jack. “Why do you ask that jack?” Cas inquired looking probingly at Jack. “I heard Dean telling Sam that he's as stubborn as their father, so I started reading about inherited behaviours” Jack said tapping the psychology book he has been reading…well staring at mostly. “Jack just because Lucifer is bad doesn't mean you will be” Sam said doing his best to reassure Jack. “But it says that children inherit behavioural traits from their parents how can anything i inherit from Lucifer not be evil” Jack said his voice rising a little, he was encompassed with fear at what he could become. You placed a hand on Jacks shoulder “Jack traits aren't inherently good or evil its how you use them” Jack looked at you his eyes almost begging for answers. You found your words carefully before speaking “Jack I've seen some of your fathers traits in you” Castiel went to interject but you threw him a look imploring him to trust you know what you were doing. “You have his determination” Jacks face paled with fear, you gripped his shoulder tighter “but Jack determination isn’t evil its a firmness of purpose Jack, sure Lucifers determination usually is for the purpose of destroying the world” you shrugged your shoulders in a comedic fashion in an attempt to lighten the situation to little success “BUT Jack your determination has been used to save people”. Colour returned to Jacks face “Jack your determination brought Mary back to her boys, it saved so many people from Michael and this thirst for destruction” Jack nodded at you gingerly. “Jack you may have traits of his but you will never be him, anyway you got so much more from your mother” Jack looked eagerly at you wanting to hear more.

“You have your mothers eyes ”Jack looked up at you quizzically delicately tracing his under eyes “but my eyes are blue” A soft giggle escaped the corner of your mouth at his confusion, you brought his hand into yours “no jack what I mean is” you looked around the table for Sam’s laptop “here” you said pulling the laptop in front of you both and opening the video file of kelly. “I love you so much” kelly cried sweetly before you paused the video “Look into her eyes jack what do you see?”. Jack lightly titled his head at you questioningly ‘Go on” you nodded to the screen. Jack turned and studies his mother eyes intently “Tears and sadness” he said lowering his head to his chest, you placed a hand under his chin and guided his eyes to yours. “Oh jack, do you wanna know what I see?” he nodded gently. you pulled the screen closer to you both and made sure jack was focused on his mothers eyes. “Jack when I look into your mothers eyes the first thing I see is love so so much love and an unending pool of kindness. I also see hope and faith and the unbreakable desire to do good” Jacks listened intently as he scanned his mothers eyes taking in every word. you gave him a moment before bringing his eyes back to yours “and when I look into your eyes jack I see that same love and kindness, and faith but most of all I see that same desire to do good and be good”. Jack smiled warmly at you “That jack is why you have your mothers eyes, not for the colour of them but for the soul in them and they are so beautiful” jack leant back in his chair and started at the image of his mother smiling at her eyes as if only seeing them for the first time.

You looked up to see Sam and Castiel looking at you smiling and nodding at you in agreement, you studied Castiels face. “And you've got Castiels face” Cas gave you the same look jack had given you moments before as he tilted his head, you shook your head gently and smiled “I mean much much younger looking tho” you giggled out, your giggle was joined by a slight chuckle from Sam. While jack and Cas wore mirroring looks of perplexity at your statement “ I swear they do that on purpose” you said to Sam gesturing at their shared expression. You and Sam shared a chuckle before you moved on to clarify your statement “What I mean is that you don't just get things from the family you are born of you are also made up of the family you are born into” their expressions softened a little but you knew you needed to further explain yourself. “The people around us help form who we are and in you jack I see elements of people like Cas and Sam and Dean” you saw a glimmer of pride in Jacks face he liked hearing himself compared to the men he looked up to, he looked eager to hear more as did Cas and Sam. “You’ve got a face that has seen more pain and death than any face ever should see” Jacks eyes grew sad “but its a face that never truly loses hope” Jack looked up at Cas and studied his face. “Cas has been through so much, he has made mistakes and seen atrocities but he's never given up not truely” You looked deeply into Castiels face remembering all the times before that you have looked to that same face for hope. “No matter how low we have been, no matter how hopeless the situation I can always look to Cas and see hope because he never gives up, not on us, not on heaven, not on you and I see that same hope in you” you looked to Jack as he watched you intently “your face wears signs of war but is not worn by war, its still so bright and full of hope” you delicately cup jacks cheek in your hand as he gently leans into it. “You also have the same nose” You say as pull you hand from his cheek and ‘Boop’ Jacks nose. Jack and Cas both look at each other while examining their noses, Sam just looks at them giving an acknowledging nod and slight hum “hmmm”.

Jack then turns back to you tentatively waiting for you to continue, you look between Jack and Sam before landing on a point in your mind. “You have Sam’s voice” the room is silent, no one quite sure how to respond to that, “Metaphorically” you say rolling your eyes a little. Jack nods at you if understanding but the utter vacant look on his face makes his confusion clear, you sigh gently “Sam is a walking fountain of knowledge, inspiring speeches, logic, reason and kind words” Sam looked at you with an unsure but thankful look “ no matter how far off the deep end the people around him go Sam is always there to call their name and pull them back, he has talked me off many a ledge” Sam’s eyes lit up quizzically, you could feel his glaze burrow into you. “Whether he knows it or not Sam has come to me in my darkest hours, moments before going out on reckless hunt or to do something just down right dumb and even just a simple conversation is filled with words of wisdom spoken through unrelenting kindness” Jack nodded in agreement remembering the times Sam has reassured him of his worth and that he is indeed good. “And you have that same voice jack, a voice bathed in kindness and full of love for those around you” Jack smiled widely at you full of pride. “And you've got Deans heart”. They all looked at you as if fully understanding what you meant but still wanting you to continue, “Dean has such a big heart full of the desire to do good” your head hung slightly “but so caught up in turmoil, you both have this burning fear that your will and desire to do good doesn't out weight the bad that you’ve done that you could do” the room grew heavier as the truth of that statement settled into place. “But you’re both so wrong” Jacks eyes met yours and for a moment you swam in their desire for good before continuing “you both fight so hard to save the ones you love, the whole damn world putting your whole heart into everyone else that you forget just how special you are” you notice a fleck of disappointment in jacks eyes and it pains you “Not because you’re a Nephilim or the chosen vessel or some prophesy of biblical proportions but because you are both deep down at heart good people doing their best in a broken world and are willing to not only die for those you love but more importantly you’re willing to live for them”. The room sat quietly for a moment until jack looked up at you and asked “What about you?” now you were the quizzical one “What about me?” you asked perplexed, “What do I get from you?”. You hum genuinely unsure of how to answer “I don’t know” you looked Jack up and down noticing his velcro shoes and laughed “Probably terrible fashion sense why on earth did I let you get old man shoes” the room chuckled while Jack looked at his shoes unsure of what to make of the statement, when the sound was broken by a new voice. “Your smile” Dean’s voice occupied with room as all heads snapped around to see him standing in the entrance to the bunkers library with a six pack in hand, a small pool of water building below as the cold beers condensation dripped onto the floor marking the passage of time. “He’s got your smile” Dean repeated as he moved further into the room slowly handing out beers to the rooms occupants before seating himself next to you and handing you an open beer as he continued. “you’ve got a genuine smile that spreads from your cupids bow and reaches beyond the corners of your mouth to your eyes” Dean stared at you as a smile spread across your face, you were unable to stop it “But it’s higher on one side” Castiel chimed in. You looked at the angel genuinely shocked that had paid close attention to your smile, “Its can be rare but its always genuine, its never there to hide pain its like a sacred thing” Sam said nodding softy at you “You never want to taint it with sorrow so you keep that certain smile for special occasions” Dean finished Sam’s train of thought. “And I see it in Jack, that special smile of genuine happiness and hope as if given to him as gift” Dean said before taking another swig of his beer. Jack looked at your smile and felt as one corner of his mouth raised high than the other into a smile “I like it” he chirped “thank you for your smile” Jack said sweetly. You all sat contently drinking and just chatting for the rest of the night not about monster or the apocalypse on the horizon that could wait for tomorrow but tonight was a night to just forget the bad and enjoy the good while it lasted, if it lasted.

#supernatural #supernatural jack #jack kline #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #supernatural fic

12 notes · View notes

wildgeese2017 · 3 years

Text

i dont know whether i want to hav sex with her like if i cud. i think that shes into me she smiles at me and she seeks me out and she laughs at my jokes and compliments my outfits? ive known her so long and i trust her kindness. i think shes cool and sweet and interesting and like she really listens to what i say and is childish like me like she isnt embarrased to act weird and silly and get excited about little things. she seems like she wants to be around me. and i hav convinced myself that i like her. for years shes been my go to crush. its just when i imagine being touched it makes me feel weird?? i know shes had gay sex b4 i think shes hot and pretty and i love her style. i wouldnt mind touching her but the thought of someone touching me in that way scares me i worry that it would repulse me. but i want it so bad. i want her to kiss me and rough me up a bit push her fingers into my thighs u kno stuff like that , is that what attraction is? my relationship to my sexuality and body even is so warped and abstract at this point so disconnected from what reality can offer me. i think she is closer than most people to what i cud actually even attempt to experience something with tho. like she gets me im afraid of men so women make me feel safer to try stuff with i only hav experience w girls anyway not that its actually substantial or like in that romantic serious context. i just i want to be wanted so badly i know that i have been at least once. i get so confused i cant possibly be that bad but noone has ever loved me for my body. i can timagine what its like to experience the reverse. sure i am granted the privilege of not bein specifically disliked automatically for my body but it isnt worth much more as social currency beyond basic decency (which everyone deserves but doesn’t get). maybe i need to be less in my head. but im scared ill try intimacy with her and i wont like it . and that will mean a few possible things which would fuck me up and scar my self perception. firstly, it could mean that im not capable of normal intimacy that i am really genuinely fucked in the head like the rabbit hole i fell down when i was 11 genuinely messed me up like i gave into some evil shameful thing inside me when i was a child and now i can never be acceptable normal healthy or loved securely. second it cud mean i dont actually like women ive been playing as part of the lgbtq community this whole time how can i face myself or my friends being straight is shameful to me its so lame and uncool i know this sounds so like weird and fetishistic or performative but thats exactly what im afraid of i dont want to see myself like this i wasnt ready to label myself but i did i labelled myself so young and now it feels scary it feels wrong for me to say i dont like it when people are like you;re bisexual right? i feel that thing when you share too much too soon like your skin is peeled off all raw and exposed. i hate that. what if im too messed up i dont know it for sure what if intimacy proves im broken. or at the very least very unique in a way that could lead me to living my life alone without partners or lovers i want so desperately to be someones favourite someone who makes me feel good when they touch me and anxious and annoyed. i want to care about someone so much. too trust someone to see my body like my weird moles and self harm scars my veins and hair and teeth i want someone to see me all of me and still decide they want me. that i am worth the effort that they would seek me out. i dont know if that will happen.

i drive myself crazy looking in the mirror in different angles wearing all these colourful frilly lacey outfits agonizing over how i must look. i make myself soft and sweet and loud and excited and loving so others will seek me out im like a duimb tropical bird and it hurts so much because it doesn’t feel like its working.

people say be true be authentic but they dont say how much it hurts to do that and not be idk rewarded? desired? like i am expressing myself and that is pushing people away even subconsciously? sure it would feel amazing for someone to see that expression and see that fragment of my inner world and think i love that i want that i want her i love her but it isnt happening not as far as i know not in a way which satisfies my lonely soul.

i just dont want to be disgusting i try so hard to smell good and look sparkly and fun and bright and loving i think the manic pixie dream girl trope really damaged my psyche

i think i like other people too i feel different when they touch me like it feels more intense more like its getting through.

as far as i can tell my type is funny, creative, nice boobs dark or curly hair usually, i like people who are kinda sad bc i think we are alike which sounds cringe but people who are just living in a way which seems at least to me in a non-judgemental way to be unexamined i just cant really relate to i cant open up to someone who wont understand. i need people to say the right things or at least say nothing and only respond with touch.

is it weird that i carry on asking myself if i was touched as a child ? like i dont htink i was but i carry on feeling like it could have happened or i convince myself i did and then i mistrust people for no reason. but something must have happened i had such messed up thoughts maybe it was all the sex on tv i watched as a really young kid my parents would show me stuff with full nudity and relatively graphic sex my relationship to modesty is confusing i think i find people more attractive with their clothes on? i just see naked people like ok? thats a body its normal i dont get porn.

one thing i regret was being drunk and telling M that i cant watch porn i like weirder stuff and she was like bdsm? and i was like no its so weird it cant be in porn but i didnt mean it like that i meant i cant just feel stuff from nudity without context and i am into weird shit i dont know why i think maybe my mums mental health issues which she projected on me im worried i was just made wrong like im just a bad seed like i was destined to want things which dont make sense. but then i consider my whole warped desire hinges on the way it could be percieved by society the way society views people and their intented state of being. i am attracted to corruption addiction to transformation to giving into desire to showing desire physically with your body in a way that everyone can see and you can no longer control.

everything in my life boils down to my relationship with control. maybe its because i felt i didnt have any control as a child. my life was shifted against my will and i have this learned helplessness both from having my needs met without asking and from having my needs ignored or at least met in a lacklustre way. but then i think who really had control as a kid? kids dont control their life they dont make the decisions that what a guardian is for ?? but maybe its because i felt as though i did have to make the decisions like i didnt have clear boundaries and i dealt with that by punishing myself for overstepping rules i made myself. bc i had no control not really it felt like nobody had control there was noone to blame so i made things up new problems i cud blame myself for or i saw the problems my parents had said to myself i have that problem too and punished myself for it with feelings or pain or exercise or silence. i couldnt trust anyone. or at least i loved people but i couldnt open up. maybe thats why im so weird and territorial i keep things secret i hide stuff in my cupboard its like i invent things to be ashamed of i create problems for myself to distract from the problems i didnt have control pver the conception of. when i think of my childhood i think of feeling bad and ashamed of myself for taking advantage of my father like he was vulnerable and all i did was take money and time from him and he was struggling so much financially but he would still spend so much on leasiure when i think of it now i realise that spending time with me and making him happy must have made him feel good i get it more now that i do that with other people but at the time i felt so guilty all the time for the price of my clothes my food my life. and my mum would always say how terrible things were with money how tired she was how stressed she was how it was affecting her body. she would talk about how much she hated her body her fat her sagging face her pale skin her poor health i asked her once what superpower she’d choose and she said i want to be healthy all the time and i was confused then but i get it now.

i just felt like i had to pretend to be happy or like i wasnt bored or the time like i didnt feel bad about how my stomach looked how yellow my teeth were how tangled my hair was the bags under my eyes and when i look back i realise no one was looking after me noone was making sure i brushed my teeth and hair twice a day i barely did it once a day i used to hate myself so much that i couldnt do my homework but nobody ever sat with me and made sure i did it past like the age of 7 . i remember feeling so scared of asking for help i remember having nightmares or being sick and standing on the landing listenning to my mother breather through her door being petrified of asking for help like she needed the sleep and i was a bad person for waking her up like i was lying and then i actually started lying bc she wud just accept it let me fester on my own in bed all day if i said i wanted to if i said it hurt too much. i just im so scared of feeling that way again of feeling so scared so tired so useless so guilty so dissapointing so stupid so dumb so shallow so selfish so unworthy so dishonest so lazy so manipulative i look back and i think how could a child have been so awful? how could i have been as bad as i thought i was? it doesnt seem possible. the point at which i became irredeemable seems to shoft forwards each year like its chasing me and i become more and more of a villain stealing a bright future from the innocent child i used to be. i used to fantasize about going back and doing it all perfectly. when people asked me about my choice of power it always had to do with avoiding the consequences of my mistakes either immortality or time travel to be able to change what i did or to be able to move on without losing my future without losing my finite time. i want to be free of these constraints that feel so self inflicted. i spend so long in these mind prisons i construct labrynths in my head and get stuck there all alone with no way of asking for help without admitting how i got there in the first place.

0 notes