#but i feel like a dumb game of telephone

[quimichi]

I Read Your Twisted Wonderland 'When You Wake Him Up With Nonsense" and Wanted To Ask If We Can Get One With The Staff(With Staff!Reader) and RSA(With RSA!Reader)? 🥺

Feel Free To Ignore😭

Love You❤️ And Have a Great Day!

"=⌕ YOU WAKE HIM UP WITH NONSENSE / pt. 2

⌕ pt. 1 here

warnings: bad writing, as usual, some characters may seem ooc, I apologize, pet names, some might dislike those

summary: You wake him up in the middle of the night with some nonsense

characters: RSA, NRC Staff and Rollo x GN!Reader

word count: 1,995

a/n: some are shorter or longer, it's just that I find some characters hard to write or I write them like I view them :) I HOPE YOU ALSO HAVE A VEEEERY NICE DAY TOO!

Chenya

The sound of your voice draws his attention to you. His breath hitches as he tries to stay asleep. He does not respond, instead he remains still as a statue. It is as if he wants to hear every word you have to say. And he wants to keep sleeping.

"Chenya, Chenya, Chenya, Chenya...Artemiy Artemiyevich Pinker." Your voice cuts through the quiet. Your words pull him out of a dream.

He opens his eyes, and he looks straight at you and whines. "Why you gotta pull my full naaaaame...jus' wanna sleeeep..." "Yesterday I saw a motorcycle on the sun kissing the curtains in a cow." He blinks, utterly baffled by your words. His brow furrows and he is at a complete loss with how to respond. Finally, he settles on a simple and tired, "Wha-?" "What I said." You are utterly illogical. It makes it nearly impossible for him to comprehend you.

Your mind is fascinating, weird. You're fucking dumb sometimes.

His lips twitch upwards. That's why he loves you.

"You make no sense, ya know." He signs hard, rubbing his eyes. "And ya woke me up for that bullshit...you gotta pay me back, you better."

Neige

The sound of your voice is so familiar, and the words hit him like a wave of cool air while he's asleep. His body shifts as he starts to respond in the depths of his sleep.

"Wha-" He starts to say, his words faltering on the cusp of waking. "Cutie are you...is everything okay?" he asks groggily, a bit of sleep still clinging to him. If he could blush in his slumber, he would have been scarlet in shame for how his words slurred and garbled on his tongue. He slowly sits up, looking more worried than ever.

"I just saw a chicken picking up McDonald's at the gas station for detention." The words catch him off-guard once more, and he stares at you with a small confused smile on his face. He tries to process what you've said, but finds it impossible without more explanation.

His mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, and he tilts his head to the side, looking way to adorable for his own good. His confusion soon gives way to a brief chuckle, and he smiles widely and nods, still processing your words.

"That's such a nice story!...You should tell me the ending tomorrow though..." and with that he pulls you back against him and pets your head gently before both of you fall back asleep. He's still confused tho...

Rollo

He begins to stir, slowly waking to consciousness. His eyes dart around the room, his vision blurred and unfocused as he sits up. "Mmm, yes?" Rollo could never be mad if you woken him up for a reason, a good reason.

"I forgot to tell you that the telephone told me about the flying elephant with rainbow eyes and silver shoes." Rollo raises one eyebrow at first, thinking you're playing a trick on him. The joke is too outlandish to be real. Even this is to stupid for you.

But seeing that you're serious, he has no idea what to say. He is speechless. Oh...so you are that dumb huh? At this point the lord can't save him anymore.

"Is...that so?" he finally asks. "Yes!" Rollo stares at you incredulously as you continue. Every detail you describe is nonsensical and unrealistic. But his gaze remains firmly fixed on yours, and his thoughts are blank.

He struggles to understand why you woke him up. Is this a game? He is utterly puzzled. And his annoyance is starting to seep in. But the look in your eyes is magnetic, and it is difficult for him to hold his frustration. He sighs, "You...you are truly one of a kind, are you aware of that?" But Rollo can't help but smile at you, you just had to turn his life upside down, huh?

Crowley

He stirs slightly, his eyes blinking slowly open. He opens his mouth to speak, but then he realizes you are next to him and closes it again. His expression is soft and delicate, like your presence is a beacon of light in the darkness, and all he can focus on is you. You'd be surprised, moments of his adoration aren't that rare.

"What is it?" he asks with a slight yawn, his voice still soft and sleepy. "So like, I cooked us a clock with sprinkles of snow and the clock then when away with the pan because of their date at the baseball doctor." In spite of his tired mood, he bursts into laughter. A hearty, full-bellied laugh that only he would be so amused by such ridiculous, nonsensical statements.

"Ah, my love. It seems you have discovered the wonders of a dream," the headmaster chuckles, running his fingers curiously through your hair. For a moment he ponders about what other kinds of nonsense you would utter, if this is what your brain conjures just during your sleep.

He chuckles again in amusement. "Do go on," he encourages you, still looking through you with a light in his eyes. "Did the clock turn into a frog? Did the frog wear green boots and sing rock songs in kitchen utensils?" He's amused, but he also wants to know.

Crewel

As you call to him, you can see his eyelids twitch underneath. Your voice seems to permeate his dreams. There is no immediate answer as his eyes flutter in a way that seems to indicate that he's trying to force himself awake but still struggles to do so. He turns onto his back, his head tilting towards the sound of your voice. After a moment, he finally manages to open his eyes with a low groan. His hand reaches for his forehead and rubs it, as though he's suffered from a particularly intense headache. But once he sees you, he stops, his eyes brightening at the sight of your face.

All the weariness seems to leave him in an instance, yet not entirely. He manages a smile for you. "Puppy?..." "I just ate a singing pizza who told me the story of the bees and the snakes who danced underwater." "Ah..." Divus manages a confused hum. It takes him a moment as he seems to try and work it out in his head.

"They danced in...underwater?" He asks, voice soft. "Underwater...is a body of water...but...how does one..." he looks away from you as he attempts to picture the scenario. After a moment, he shakes his head, chuckling softly into his palm. "No matter. That is quite a tale, indeed my pup."

Divus draws you close and wraps his arms around you, burying his face into your shoulder and hugging you tightly. His breath is hot against your neck, his muscles tensing underneath.  "Sleep..." he mumbles softly, his voice seeming to get thicker as a low growl rumbles from his chest.

"Or does my pup want to keep being disobedient?"

Trein

(Solid grandpa issues ya'll have here)

It is almost as you say his name that his eyes blink quickly. They become wide and concerned. "Dearest?" he whispers with a hint of urgency in his voice. Though his expression turns gentle as he notices you aren't hurt or sick. His shoulders relax. "Yuu, have you not been feeling well?" Mozus asks, his voice a soothing melody. After a moment, he sits up. The bed creaks with the weight of his shifting body. Even Lucius wakes up from his slumber to tip tap his way over to your shared bed.

"Did you perhaps catch a cold? I could fetch some medicine if you would like." He doesn't want to see you in pain, not even for a moment. Oh, how caring he can be sometimes..."My hair turned purple because I washed it with dirt in the afternoon 13 years ago on a full red moon at midnight."

Silence hangs in the air as you speak. Mozus's expression remains concerned; worried. And then it turns into a frown. "Ah... You must've hit your head. Or else you wouldn't speak of such nonsense" he says. Though he tries to conceal it, a flicker of irritation flashes across his eyes. Your sudden statements seem to have sparked his annoyance.

"Or are you perhaps playing a childish prank on me at unholy hours?" he asks sharply, tone becoming stern. "If there is nothing else you require, I believe you've wasted enough of your time together." He tries to keep his voice neutral, but is obviously still slightly peeved at your game. "I-Im sorry..." His anger melts at your apology. His face melts back to a soft expression as he pulls you into his arms. His voice returns to its soothing tone as he presses his lips to yours.

When he pulls away, only seconds later, there's a content smile on to his lips. "Do not apologize," he says softly, voice quiet. Yet you feel a surge of pleasure run through your body. You feel almost as light as a feather once again. "I'm happy you're in best condition."

Vargas

Ashton jolts awake as he hears your voice, immediately rising into a defensive stance as he looks at you. Protectively he stands before the bed frantically looking around for potential danger with both his fists up, ready to punch whatever lurks in your shared bedroom.

"It's okay! Is there something wrong? Are you hurt?!" he asks anxiously but wild as he still holds his position. "Wha--no?!" He reacted so fast you couldn't keep up. "Oh...!" Asthon blinks a few times as he seems to calm himself. He lowers his fists, though now he seems completely at a loss for words. He stares at you blankly.

"That is good," he clears his throat, clearly embarrassed about the situation, "very good, yes " he offers a small smile, though you can sense him struggling to gather himself. "...so I woke up because the curtains were running away from a wild toaster." Ashton blinks a few times, processing this information. He seems to ponder it for a moment and then... bursts out into laughter.

It's a loud sound, like a true suburban father laugh. It's a sound of complete delight. Though, it doesn't take him too much effort to bring himself back. "Ah... yes," he says, "Wild toasters. They are very problematic." He lets himself sink into bed again, and like before, you're to slow to react. Because the moment his head hits the pillow, he's gone. Snoring the night away...

Sam

"Hm?" The mighty lord stirs in his sleep. He pulls the sheets tighter around him, his body twitching in his sleep. The sound of his name being uttered by you seems to have broken through his slumber. "Wake uuuup~!" "Hm?" Sam finally looks up at you, his eyes barely open. They seem to focus on you, taking a moment to adjust to the darkness of the room before he finally smiles. "Impy...?" He speaks in the softest of whispers, his voice almost hoarse as though it had been a while. "Did my friends wakw you...or...was it my snoring?"

"My shampoo ran out cause the towel used it for their skincare routine." "Ah..." He sits up, his expression still weary from sleep. Before you can even tell him to stop, he's already risen from the bed. He's practically half-asleep as he waddles towards the shop and comes back with a bottle of shampoo in hand.

He doesn't question you or the strange request at all. "There you go," he holds up a bottle of shampoo. "Only the best for my little imp, and since its you...its on the house" he says, although he looks like he's in a trance he does smirk at you.

"Thank...you?" You question as you take the bottle from his hands. Before you know it he drops face first into bed, "But...if ya need anythin' else...get it yourself...alright?" he mumbles into the pillow.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanon #twisted wonderland x reader #chenya x reader #neige x reader #rollo x reader #crowley x reader #crewel x reader #trein x reader #vargas x reader #sam x reader #nrc staff #Ncr staff x reader

[rockybloo]

I randomly got hit with this specific ass Licorice AU near the beginning of this month where Sweetheart and Bitterbat are point blank a hero and villain with no prior history together but they wind up hooking up and having a super secret relationship but Sweetheart winds up pregnant and having Angie but Sweetheart and Bitterbat remain on separate sides of justice.

So Angie spends her weeks with Sweetheart and some weekends with Bitterbat with some variations.

She doesn't have any siblings in this AU as, while Sweetheart and Bitterbat don't hate each other and do have deep feelings, they have more restraint on their hearts and are trying to keep a status quo of sorts.

One of the city's best heroes having a child with one of the city's most dangerous and brutal villains is highly taboo and the peak scandal any tabloid would kill over so Angie's parents do their best to keep their emotions down and give her the best childhood they can while keeping appearances.

This leads to a lot of telephone games where Angie is dropped off at Sweetheart's house after Bitterbat time and she tells her that "Dad said you looked really pretty today" and Sweetheart peeks out the door and sees him in the shadows on a nearby rooftop with his eyes glowing in the darkness before he poofs in a cloud of violet smoke.

And Angie is released into the shadows of the night by Sweetheart where she is scooped up by Bitterbat and Angie has a little goodie bag of chocolate covered strawberries courtesy of Sweetheart with a little note attached for Bitterbat's eyes only.

I don't know if Sweetheart and Bitterbat are actually designated as archenemies in this AU (aka her and him being assigned together like in canon) because the concept of her being a hero separate from him and his villainy really scrubs the mind right. Like her just being a free agent of a hero and him picking on various heroes. It hits the spot extra good whenever Sweetheart is taking on some villains at a crime bust and Bitterbat is one of the villains involved so that makes them running into each other more spicy because there is no fake fighting in this AU. They obviously don't aim to kill but they are more serious even if they still flirt.

Angie does ask occasionally why the two don't just get together like normal parents but they keep coming up with excuses even though they both would love to be together.

But in the mean time, they have that "Divorced but not really as they are madly in love but in mild denile but they have a kid together and are on good terms and occasionally while Angie is at school or with her aunties or uncles, they still hook up and make out" energy.

I imagine this AU winds up going down the route of Angie being what fully brings Sweetheart and Bitterbat together and saying "Fuck the world, I love you" and that's when they finally live in a house all together.

But for now, Bitterbat watches from a distance and thinks about how the mother of his child is the most beautiful being he's ever seen as she eats some ice cream with Angie.

And, after making sure Angie is asleep in bed, Sweetheart tunes in to news reports of Bitterbat's reign of terror and gorey battles against heroes with a blush as she admires how handsome and strong the father of her child is while he is covered in the blood of his enemies.

And occasionally Angie texts Bitterbat where she and her mom are when they are out and about because she knows he'll drop everything just to be near them.

It's led to a couple "surprise drop ins" from him that Angie plays dumb about and Sweetheart still hasn't caught on that her child is setting her up with her future husband.

Angie takes a lot from her mother in terms of looks (save for her batwing ears) but her personality leans heavily toward her father's mischievous ways.

#rocky rambles #glitter and guilt #licorice #sweetheart #bitterbat #angie #au #i dunno what to genuinely call this #split au #i guess

[wri0thesley]

Nat! You genius! Oooooh I just LOVE the idea of Tighnari pitching up on his flings doorstep, not understanding why in the world this person is NOT UNDERSTANDING the nature of mating for life... I suppose it would genuinely confuse him. Swoonworthingly cute, this dumb look on foxboys face when faced with the most epic game of broken telephone. 😅

ooh that is partly jade @daydreamslug's fault for making me think about the yan and lovesick implications of 'foxes mate for life' . . . aghagah.

ah. imagine, a separate scenario to the roommate; for you, it's just another akademiya fling; it's pretty common, you've found, for those researchers who are interested in romance to move from one person to another. sex can be as much of a game of connection as it can be a game of mutual attraction (perhaps you've gotten your fair share of extra academic information through that, a little edge on your competition). sure, you like tighnari a lot and with him it was more of a desire and not a desire to get ahead, but. still. he's one in a long list.

so why does he keep showing up where you are? one of your other sometime companions says that tighnari got very close to him the other day - coincidentally, the day after you and this sometime companion had spent an evening in his bed together - sniffing . . . baring his teeth, looking for all the world like the gentle fox boy wanted to rip him into pieces.

why does he seem to want to stick to your side like glue? you're getting tired of making up excuses; when you'd said you couldn't afford an evening together, he'd offered to pay without blinking - when you'd mentioned that you had work to do, tighnari had offered to help without a second thought for his own duties. when you'd said you'd felt sick, he'd shown up at your door with some kind of nausea-easing tea.

it's the last one that makes you snap - tell him it was a very nice evening, but it was just one night, and he's practically suffocating you now. his face just falls. ears drooping to the side of his head, tail going limp, big eyes filled with sadness and face downturned.

(you can't imagine how painful hearing that is for him. his mentality is not made for such things; you don't know how it tears him apart inside like knives. you . . . you and he-- you have his scent all over you. tighnari would never, with somebody who he didn't see himself with forever. his species just don't do casual sex--)

you feel bad as you shut the door on him. thinking about how tears had been starting to pool in his eyes - but better he knows it now, you try and tell yourself.

. . . a few days later, whilst collecting fauna samples in the wild, you get the uncomfortable feeling of being watched. sometimes, the fox needs to make a show of his dominance to his intended mate to ensure that they take him seriously. this must be what's happening. don't worry. tighnari understands. you'll be so pleased when he really shows you just how authoritative he can be. he just has to catch you and drag you back to his home and make sure you're even more thoroughly claimed than you were before!

then the two of you will be happy together.

forever.

right?

#not sfw text #yandere for ts #dub con for ts #genshin impact posting #dark content for ts

[kristailine]

Devils roll the dice

Angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me

Makes me want you more

I just published Cruel Summer (Part 2), the second part of Afterglow. This one-shot is aka a 3000+ word fic of Jun being colorblind from Kazuya's red flags. Honestly same tho lol. Inspired by the song Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift

A/N

"oHhhh, iT mAKeS zErO sEnsE tHaT juN fEll iN lOvE wItH kazoOyEr"

Well have you ever once considered that Kazuya was a hot aristocratic multi-millionaire who had a six pack and some biceps and not to mention oh what those hands can do (punch u haters!). If you're not gonna kneel down to that kinda man, then I think you're the problem sis.

Kidding aside AHHHHH okay another one of my fics that I truly enjoyed writing. This and Afterglow was such a breath of fresh air, because compared to all the ones I have written and published so far, these two are probably the least heavy with feelings. It's all just silly dumb love stuff and AHHH yeah just Kazujun being in their 20s ❤️

I also missed writing in Jun's POV, which makes this all the more fun to write. Would like to bring attention to the fact that telephones were in the norm much more than cellphones were during TK2 (I know there's theories TK2 was in 2012, but I'd like to stick with the original 1996 speculation), so pls if ure berating Jun for not calling Kazuya on her cellphone, it's because telephones ✨

This might be my last Taylor Swift song entry in the collection, and I might also not update the collection in the next 4 weeks since I will now be focusing on writing my Kazujun fic with proper chapters.

Anyway I hope this was a meaningful and fun read ❤️

#kazjun #kazujun #kazuya x jun #tekken #jun kazama #ao3 fanfic #kazama jun #kazuya mishima #mishima kazuya

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

13, for the Spotify wrapped promt

Thank you!!!! I am still taking prompts for this ask game: #13 is Neighborhood #1 (tunnels) by Arcade Fire:

And if my parents are crying / Then I'll dig a tunnel / From my window to yours / Yeah, a tunnel / From my window to yours

Her hands are shaking as she picks the phone up off the line. She knows the feel of the chipped plastic like the back of her hand, the way the chord slithers against her wrist as she tries to look down at the phone to dial. Her instincts are always wrong now – first to look and then to feel. Luckily, she pushes the familiar number in by rote and waits for the ringing to stop.

Max Mayfield (née Hargrove) thought things were supposed to get better once that née was penned in ink. But maybe that’s not really for when your step brother dies horribly and your step father can’t cope so he drives off into the sunset, thanks a lot, fuck you very much. Maybe it doesn’t count when the only living Mayfield left is in the living room slurring her words around the sounds of bottles breaking. 

The phone stops ringing; Max listens to the staticky buzzed breathing flowing through the line, up through telephone wires, bringing them together in real time. “Max?” El says happily. 

“Hey,” Max says, casually. Or, as casually as someone who’s crying and is pretending she’s not can be.

The line is quiet for a moment beyond El’s quiet breathing. “Are you okay?” she says, pausing after each word like she’s choosing them carefully.

“Totally,” Max says, rolling her eyes, like it’ll carry over the phone. She’s cool. She’s casual. She’s cool, casual Max Mayfield who isn’t standing blind in her kitchen while her mom isn’t drunk in the other room. 

As if to contradict her, there’s the sound of glass shattering on linoleum. Max’s shoulders hunch, and she sucks in a startled breath, waiting to see if the sounds will grow louder. Nothing else comes.

“I will come get you,” El says. 

Max sniffles, just once as she wipes her eyes and runny nose on the sleeve of her flannel. “Sure, totally,” she says. Calm. Casual. “We can have a girl’s day. I’ll paint your nails, and we’ll rate boys from my mom’s cosmo.”

El puffs air into the receiver, like she’s stifling her laugh. “Yes, I will describe what their faces look like.”

Max scoffs. “Who cares about their faces?”

This time, El laughs for real, the one where she snorts like a pig at the end. Max smiles, reaches up her hand to feel the shape of it as she listens to her best friend squeal.

“I will come now,” El says. Max imagines her, standing in her own kitchen the same way Max is, nodding like she’s on a secret mission with dire importance, eyebrows furrowed, face serious. Max does a lot of imagining nowadays. “It is time for a girl’s day.”

“What?” It’s muffled, far away from the receiver, and unmistakably Mike Wheeler’s squirrelly ass. “I thought we were hanging out!”

El scoffs, and Max feels a little curl of pride unfurl in how well she’d corrupted El in such a short amount of time. “There is more to life than dumb boys, Mike.”

“Hey!”

“I will be there soon, Max,” El says. “Dad will drive me.”

She hangs up, not even waiting for a reply. Max is still smiling, teeth and all. Even as her Mom mumbles incoherently in the next room. Even as she has to find her way out of the trailer by trailing her fingertips along the wall. Even then.

There’s nothing like a girl’s day. 

#spotify wrapped fanfic ask prompt #asks #this whole song is about elmax tbh #max mayfield #jane hopper #it's fun to match up the songs with characters! and then of course the Situation

[heximagines]

@starthelostboys said that Paul had a terrible sense of direction and that was all the fodder I needed for this.

Paul's head whipped around as he scanned the boardwalk for anything that looked familiar. "So if the balloon darts are here… and the ferris wheel is over there… then… hmm…" He stared, utterly dumbfounded, at the small record store that should have been the Chinese food restaurant they all liked. At this rate the food they ordered would definitely be cold by the time he made it home. So he may as well pick up a new record right? He slipped into the shop and weaved through the shelves waiting for something to catch his eye. And something did. Paul stared at you from the middle of the stacks, mouth hanging open. The neon sign just behind you left a red and purple haze over your features. Your soft lips pursed in thought as you sorted through a milkcrate worth of vinyl a guy was trying to sell you. Your clothes clung perfectly to your figure, accentuating everything Paul wanted to see. Dining! Ding! Ding! "Total babe," he said to no one in particular.

He lingered just within earshot of your conversation, pretending to browse through the vinyl. "Alright man, here's the deal. Give you 20 for the lot and," you hummed, "9 for this." He glanced over to see you holding up a copy of Bad Music for Bad People. Hot and good taste? Paul was sold. He waited until money exchanged hands before sliding up to the counter. He easily came between you and the guy who glared at him. "Hey there, gorgeous. I'm a bit lost. But I'm feeling much safer now that I found you." You snorted out loud at the ridiculous line and he grins widely at you. "What that wasn't good?" You tried to stifle your laughter with a hand and shook your head. "No, no it was terrible." He folded his arms over the edge of the counter and leaned in to catch your eye. "Do you know where the Chinese food spot is? Golden Dragon. I thought it was here but I guess not." You sat up on a small stool behind the counter, one leg outstretched and the other bent at the knee. His eyes gladly drank in the shape of your thighs and calves as you thought. After a moment you finally spoke, "Golden Dragon sucks. You should try Lucky Star. The owners moved here from the Bronx and no one knows how to do good Chinese food like New Yorkers." Paul snapped out of his daze with a scoff and shook his head. "Have you tried the moo shu pork? Nothing can compete." You pursed your lips once again before leaning forward, elbows on the counter and hands cradling your face. You looked so cute he was tempted to reach out and touch you. "Well I think there's only one way to settle this." 

Paul watched with a dumb smirk as you stuck a paper on the door to the shop that promised you'd be back in 15 before locking up. "Keep up, wouldn't want you to get lost again." You winked at him and slipped into the crowd of the boardwalk. He was hot on your heels, following along like a dog. But his short attention span had other ideas. A chorus of bells and whistles sounded from one of the booths and Paul whipped his head around to look. He watched as the game operator pulled down the largest teddy bear and passed it off to a cheering kid. When he turned back you were gone. "Shit." Paul whirled around and searched the crowd for you with a frown. Great now he was more lost than before. He scratched the back of his neck and turned back to the game that had distracted him. "Okay, okay. So there's the water guns." He searched for anything else familiar when suddenly he felt a warm softness between his fingers. He looked back to find you slipping your hand in his. "I told you to keep up. C'mon." You tugged him along though the crowd until it thinned out around the demure entrance of the Chinese store. It was practically a telephone booth with a door on either end. One way in and one way out. "So you think this is the best on the boardwalk?" Paul shook his head. "There's no way." You tapped your fingers lightly on the counter as you waited for one of the 2 people in the kitchen to come up and take your order. "As a good friend of mine always says, try before you deny." And well, Paul couldn't argue with that logic. 

The two of you sat at a bench that faced out towards the ocean, the sounds of the boardwalk fading into background noise as you talked and ate. "So then," you gesture wildly, noodles clinging for dear life at the end of your chopsticks, "the dude who started the whole riot in the first place is crawling on his hands and knees though the crowd trying to get away! Like between people's legs." Paul cackled, his hand over his stomach, as you shoveled the noodles into your mouth. "Did he get away?" he wheezed. "Hell no!" You covered your full mouth with your hand. "I grabbed him by the back of his stupid members only jacket and yanked him up off the ground. And then when everyone else realized what was happening, they all picked him up too. Next thing you know we're crowd surfing the guy right back into the fight he started." Paul fell against your side as he tried to compose himself, fits of laughter wracking his body. You easily fell back against him and laughed along. "Anyway, it was a wild show. Really good bands too. Sorry, I didn't mean for that to be like, a whole story." You waved at yourself, a bit embarrassed for going on too long. Paul took this as his opening, he snaked an arm around your waist to keep you against him. Good Chinese food, a quick make out session, and then the real meal? Sounded like a solid plan to him. "Hey, no worries. I like your stories." He looked down at you, grinning, but was suddenly struck by your eyes. He watched how the moon reflected off of them like the surface of the ocean. And how the corners crinkled cutely when you smiled. And the way they searched his own eyes. Paul found himself a bit nervous. He couldn't remember the last time someone made him nervous. "Paul," Your voice dragged him back to Earth. "Yeah?" "Are you going to keep staring at me or are you going to kiss me?" 

Marco wandered into the main room where everyone was lounging around. Waiting. "Paul isn't back yet?" Everyone turned to look at him, confused. "Marco, we thought you were with Paul," Star answered. News to him. He stared vacantly back at his friends. "What? No, no Dwayne you were gonna go with him." Dwayne balked, "I wasn't even here when you all ordered the food." Marco puffed up and pointed at him. "That's bull-" "Everyone stop!" David sat up in his seat and scanned the room, making everyone look to him. "So no one went with Paul to go get the food." There was a long pause before Star stood up. "I'll go get a pizza. We'll find Paul after we eat." 

#the lost boys #the lost boys 1987 #paul the lost boys #paul tlb #tlb #complete

[comradekatara]

I dunno if this is like the most 'productive' ask to send as it is very much me continuing to have a "FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT/GETS IT" reaction irt being exhausted with ppl having to "headcanon" characters as lgbt to relate to them, though I've no doubt this happens in the atla fandom, I've just at least in my most current interactions with the show avoided it by almost exclusively interacting with your content, but a thing that exhausts me beyond comprehension related to the mindset of 'every character I like has to be lgbt' is when there's a character that isn't presented as and doesn't need to be lgbt, but in the end there are in fact some thematic parallels that you can string together that gives a particular lgbt interpretation a somewhat reasonable argument to exist... but instead the vast VAST majority of the fandom chooses a "headcanon" with the most SUPERFICAL reasoning possible and won't even begin to consider that it's not actually a valid headcanon and also assumes everyone shares that headcanon while ignoring the headcanon that actually has a foot to stand on

sigh...... yeah. i totally understand the urge to be like "i like them so they are [identity i relate to]" even if it that isn't explicitly supported by the text (or even contradicted by the text). people participating in fandom don't always (or even often) feel the need to refer to the text as the immutable locus of discourse, and of course it gets more complicated once you factor in paratext, such as additional media or even official commentary from the creators. often what fandom does is create its own text, which refers less to the original text itself, and more to the conjecture from the text, that is then passed on throughout fandom in a game of neverending broken telephone, in which the original text barely even serves a purpose within the fandom itself. granted, this phenomenon is far more common in fandoms wherein the source material has little to offer in the first place, and canon basically becomes a buffet of content rather than a cohesive work to be appreciated as a whole. i try not to participate in those kinds of fandoms, because i tend to enjoy art that is...good, but i have been known to be tempted by the tantalizing sins of inconsistent writing and fascinating paratextual lore (i am of course referring here to nbc's community). i understand the urge! sometimes a cool, appealing concept can simply have terrible execution (lok i'm looking at u girl) and people do go nuts for that. as for my engagement with atla, i firmly believe in referring to the text because a) i actually like the text and b) so much critical analysis of this show falls flat because people refuse to explore its nuances in favor of promoting their own, singular interpretation, a lot of which has basis only in their personal subjective tastes. (and yes, i will admit to also being guilty of this, specifically in the context of intentionally reductive, flippant jokes i've made that have gotten blown out of proportion. sigh.) so yes, i agree with you that "headcanons" ought to have basis in the text (or at the very least, the paratext), and that just because you like an idea doesn't make it true! but then again, all criticism, whether academic or...fandomized, is ultimately subjective (though the level of subjectivity within that criticism varies), which means that we are constantly surrounded by dumb stupid idiots with wrong opinions, and we just have to live with that.

#lttleghost #asks #how do i even tag this #i guess #analysis #but #not atla #fandom as a whole enjoys being reductive as a rule #sigh.

[laufire]

lately I've been... not exactly rethinking, but, adjusting? the way I think about "fanon".

I've made it no secret that I don't care much for it, in a general sense. whenever I'm truly invested in the canon source to the point where I actually read and even write fanfic, it's because there's something (often multiple things) about canon that managed to capture my attention. so I have little interest in versions of it that have passed through a game of telephone for years and feel unrecognisable to me.

when it comes to my own writing, ninety-nine times out of a hundred I like to work with canon. not necessarily adhering to it, but using its foundations as groundwork. my go-to ideas are usually: what if this one (1) event went a different way? how much would change? what would be the ripple effects and how far would they go? or, what if I focused on this trait of a character and took it to the extreme? or, what if we look at this plot point canon used but didn't explore, often because it wasn't the point of a larger story, and shifted the focus towards it? and so on.

but that's my approach and I don't intend to proselytise about it. however, when it comes to the much-maligned/mocked abstract "fanon", I do take issue with a few things. again, it's not about wanting stories that adhere to canon; canon is there and not going anywhere. fans have sometimes influenced canon sources to an extent, but it's always far less meaningful or ruinous than some people would have you believe. official adaptations have done far more damage to ongoing source materials (and influenced subsequent adaptations, who take inspiration from it even when it contradicts the source), and I try to stay blasé about those -emphasis on "try", if I'm honest.

my issues are largely about 1.) flanderization, and b.) lack of originality. the first, well. nobody likes to see characters/storylines they like (or even just enjoyed on an intellectual level) and see them reduced to a few basic, exaggerated traits, some of which don't even apply to them lol. the latter it's about my particular annoyance with the echo-chamber effect in certain fandoms; someone popular does something, it gets reproduced over and over, and it becomes ~fanon gospel. I've read fics that had interpretations of the characters (sometimes even my favourite characters!) that didn't match my own, yet they were well-written, didn't lack depth, and strived to do something different with them than what we usually see. I value all those three things, so I liked them.

this gets even more complicated in the dc comics fandom (and other canons built on collaborative writing, but dc comics is the most extreme example), because if we're being perfectly honest, canon often has those same issues, and worse ones. there are several events that used to be key to a character's journey that aren't considered canon anymore. or, at least, the canon status of said events is very much in the air, and there are even runs that imply they had to have happened but they happened differently, with little explanation about what those differences were. canon writers (maybe just some of them?) are also given room to cherry-pick things from various continuities, presumably as long as it doesn't contradict editorial's (sometimes seemingly arbitrary and/or dumb as fuck) stipulations, and at this point it's more productive to judge whatever changes they implement on their internal logic than on how well they coordinate with everything else. just as it is, IMO, perfectly understandable that fans of a character would dismiss a specific writer's interpretation; their choices don't occur in a vacuum, they do come to some things in bad faith, and some of them display their biases without shame (which I frankly prefer, but you know. you can both be frank about your preferences and write characters you dislike with some grace lol).

lastly, because this is something I've tried to word on other occasions... I get the impression that those of us who are, let's say, "canon-adjacent" in our fannish activities, are seen as possessing a holier-than-thou attitude. it's... maybe not unwarranted in some cases? I know I personally come across as pretentious and even arrogant lol. and I probably am, although I will say I do play it up for ~humorous reasons, especially if something has really annoyed me. but in this respect I can genuinely say that I don't approach this thinking "I am aligned with canon and therefore Superior, unlike those fanon-loving people who Don't Get It!!"

it comes from a place of genuinely loving canon. from looking at the universe it presents and appreciating both what was created to fill and the new possibilities it presents. from loving the characters and admiring their creation. from looking at all the pieces of the puzzle and a desire to play with them. and with dc comics in particular, vast and ever-expanding as that canon is, from a desire to know more about it.

yes, even I rag on it. that also come from a place of love. if I never shut up about some artwork it's just a sign that I care about it passionately xD

#talking to the void #my thoughts #the writing tm #fandom nonsense #dc #dc thoughts #dc comics #id in alt text #captioned #sooner or later i was going to make that reaction pic lol

[ultrvmonogamy]

I may be dum or sumthing but what does ur last post even mean can you clarify plz? (about slander)

no i'm dumb bc i forgot to turn my anons back off 🙃

it's likely that i did not express myself v well at least for the casual reading audience, so plz don't think ur dumb on acct of my likely convoluted wording.

i just spent the better part of a couple hrs (more if u include the preparation of factual evidence) elaborating a particular situation to someone and am now fried n shaky n recovering from feeling utterly disgusted by it all. when and if i ever address that situation w a wider audience, i wish to do so in a manner that does not cause undue injury to anyone involved, all of whom as far as i know already feel personally harmed.

i made the post ur referring to, however, in a more general sense bc there has been a rash of similar situations (in no way related to me personally), especially of late it seems (although it could be that it's just always like this here but i simply was not as keenly aware until experiencing it for myself).

i'm not sure who will or won't be able to access the link i've pasted below, but i would urge literally everyone to at least give its contents a quick read (it's p concise and includes references) if u've not recently examined any statistics abt lying. in fact, it'd be wonderful if u were to do that (or search for statistics abt when, how often, n why ppl lie if the link doesn't work for u) before continuing to read this response:

https://www.crossrivertherapy.com/research/lying-statistics

ppl talk a lot of shit around here it turns out, n there seems to be no shortage of recent examples whereby they enter dms n make claims abt others that r undoubtedly sometimes valid n other times spurious, but if i were to guess then most often they fall somewhere in between. the thing abt that in between territory--which btw is where i would say most of life happens--is that it's incredibly easy to spin. half truths, curated portions of conversations, feigned contexts, emotionally charged appeals to principle n such can sway opinions 180º in an instant.

from there some portion of the ppl that received dms go on to further propagate and act upon what they were told, and much like the telephone game (is that even still a thing ppl know abt?) the message that's spread grows increasingly distorted. perhaps these next generations feel they r righteously fulfilling a duty to others by continuing to spread the message they heard (which is to say it might not even be the message they actually received), perhaps they connected to it on a personal level bc of their own past experiences, perhaps they simply enjoy spreading hurtful rumors, or perhaps they r driven by any number of other motivations. in the end i'm not sure to what extent that even matters.

but unlike in the telephone game where the original message's basis in reality is of no import whatsoever n the distortions that have occurred by the end of the chain only serve as often humorous examples to demonstrate just how lossy an unregulated flow of information can be, in this context of social media (and even more emphatically in the kink community where every last one of us is contending w some kind of emotional damage, baggage, disease, active abuse situation, or similar, every part of this misguided process has the capacity for absolutely grave consequence even extending far beyond personal character assassination.

each and every one of us here is vulnerable to both sides of this. i'd wager that each n every one of us has some trigger or another such that when confronted w some specific claim, our stomachs drop n our guts turn in a manner where logic n critical thinking go out the window n r nowhere to be found by the time we've acted on an emotional response, whether or not its premise is sound. and i'd wager just the same that all of us have aspects of our pasts and/or presents that if cast in a certain light can appear smth ranging from sketch to gross to absolutely vile. some of us were not involved of our own volition, some r haunted incessantly by regret or wishes that we'd known better or handled things differently, and some of us would not have entered into given situations if we'd known what we were getting into. some of us were understandably naive, while others of us should reasonably have known better. some of us were drunk or high or otherwise compromised in faculty. some of us simply brush it off n march on while others work w every breath to grow and do better and others still r simply awful human beings.

u cannot know a person's character by looking at a snapshot of their life. u cannot presume to know their motivations, which in fact they may not even know or have known themselves. and u most certainly cannot know the truth of what actually did or did not transpire based on someone's word alone. furthermore, it is quite possible that a person who has originally made a claim against another might at once be making such a claim in earnest yet also in error. on a personal level, i have wondered for what will soon have been 4 months whether or not a person who claimed smth abt me actually believes the thing they said to me and others--tho actually i do not know specifically what they said to others, but i do know what they said to me is incontrovertibly factually untrue (but to be clear i am disinclined to believe that they did so w malicious intent).

anyway, i digressed a bit there at the end, but my point is that the importance of due diligence in seeking the available facts, even if ultimately one can only make a subjective judgment call based on those facts, cannot be overstated. there's too fucking much at stake.

my quip abt ppl requiring more info in blog bios than they do before slandering is that ppl r relentless beating pots n pans and demanding genders and age ranges and political views and pronouns in a bloggers bio or else don't even fucking look at the blog bc it's not for u (although for some unclear reason it doesn't seem to matter if ppl's anons might be children or nazis or child molesters), yet some of the same ppl r apparently content to conspire in the shadows, load their own guns as they provide ammunition to others, n start pointing n shooting at they don't even rly know who or rly know why and (at least some of the time, which i know through personal experience) haven't even begun to invest any semblance of diligent investigation into the matter first.

so, yeah, i don't know who needs to hear it, but wrt the ppl who do need to hear it, i rly don't know wtf they imagine themselves to be doing and i feel v strongly that they need to put some critical thought into it all.

i hope that helps, and also i hope it's coherent n not riddled w confusing grammatical error n whatnot.

thank u for caring enough to ask (assuming u didn't ask w the intent of harvesting smth to use against me, bc yes y'all rly do have me that paranoid now).

#mail #anon #ts #oc

[spacecasewriter13]

When the Lights Go On Again by @spacecasewriter13

Fic Summary: It is May of 1946, over a year after his fall from the Hydra train and losing his left arm, and James "Bucky" Barnes is struggling to adjust. Working as an analyst at the New York City SSR branch, Bucky tries to put the war and all of its sorted memories behind him. However, try as he might he is plagued by thoughts of Magdalene "Maggie" Ramirez, a Women's Army Corps (WAC) Corporal he met in London and hasn't spoken to since before his fall in January of 1945. Little does he know that Maggie, in her struggle to put the war behind her, has moved to the city and looking for a job with the New York Bell Telephone Company as a switchboard operator. Now, by sheer dumb luck, they are reunited as they both fight come to terms with what they were to one another during the war, and work to figure out how to move forward in a world that was unprepared to deal with the consequences of war in the unsteady peace.

Chapter 26: As Time Goes By

Chapter summary: Bucky and Maggie realize they have a mutual friend. Then they realize what they want out of the future and how that might look in the current circumstances. Hopes are high and expectations low; they carve out a moment just to exist and enjoy one another’s company.

Excerpt:

The music was loud, and the club crowded, but she and the other girls were quiet as they sat at their usual table, glasses cupped in their hands, staring down into nothing. They didn’t feel much like talking.

‘Or perhaps it's just me.’ Maggie couldn’t help but think. She’d been out a week and a half, and now in light of all that had happened, there was an uneasy awkwardness. A silence so loud that none of them knew how to fill it. So they were here, sitting and drinking without so much as looking at one another.

Some of it was exhaustion, and some of it was grief, fear, and anxiety. This wasn’t something they could write home about, not without letting the side down, not without potentially leaking classified information, not without facing the reality that this wasn’t all fun and games anymore and hadn’t been for a long, long time. They’d all known that, but now the truth was undeniable.

‘To hell with all this. If I can’t sleep and I can’t forget, at the very least, I can get a little drunk to help me on my way. I’ll be able to sleep it off before my shift.’

Throwing back the rest of her drink, Maggie rose and glanced around at the faces looking up at her from the table. “Who wants another round? I’m buying.”

A few of them protested weakly, but all four of them eventually relented and gave her their drink orders. So leaving them with a cheery smile, she wove through the crowd to the bar and let her mind wander.

She didn’t want to be here. She wanted to go back to the barracks, slip into her bunk and read, but it wouldn’t really be her barracks or her bunk, and her books had all been destroyed when—.

No. She wouldn’t be able to relax there. But in the quiet, she’d be able to write to Tony, and Daniel, and Pai and Nelly and Ing, of course. It had been a few weeks since her last letter, and they would start to get worried if she didn’t at least send a short note asking about the family.

‘No doubt like James. I haven’t been to the cafe in almost a month, and he—.’

It was a stupid and girlish thought.

There was a war on, and with Operation Overlord and then the V2 bombings, no one anywhere in the European theater was going to have any opportunity to slip away for a quiet cup of coffee and a nice chat over breakfast. Wherever he was, she hoped he wasn’t worrying about her. He had his sister and mother to worry about getting home and keeping himself out of harm’s way. There was no need for him to distract himself worrying about her. She was just some dam—

“Corporal Ramirez?”

Maggie turned with such force she had to stifle a wince. “Sergeant Barnes?” She couldn’t believe it. He was here. Somehow she’d managed to conjure him here through sheer power of will.

To Continue Reading Please Visit Ao3

#bucky barnes #James Barnes #1940s mcu #Sam Wilson #Sarah Wilson #Gabe Jones #winter soldier #captain america #fanfic #fic #new chapter up!

[ooops-i-arted]

If people aren't going to bother understanding what attachments actually are in Jedi culture or try understanding the Asian religions they are inspired by and instead dismiss it? Then they need to just refrain from writing Jedi at all instead of spreading more misinformation. Like how are fans going to even properly analyze and critique the Jedi Order if they don't even know WHAT they're actually critiquing and base their opinions off this fandom playing a long game of telephone? I'm getting really tired of seeing the same discourse of how Jedi discourages emotions like love or sever cultural ties or prevent cultural expression when that's not supported in the original six movies. Also, imagine being that dense to think Grogu's or Reva's trauma was caused by the Jedi order instead of the Empire that genocided their culture or the traffickers that sold Force sensitive people. Clown behavior.

A+ rant, I definitely sympathize. People really do overemphasize the no emotion things when like, it's VERY explicit it's about regulating your emotions. Right in ANH, Luke is missing his Death Star shots until he calms himself down and focuses. My personal favorite is Obi-Wan vs. Maul. Obi-Wan is consumed by grief and anger when Qui-Gon is killed, and almost gets himself killed - until he controls his emotions and is able to kill* Maul. We see him attending a funeral later where he (and other Jedi) are shown mourning Qui-Gon, so it's not like he can't have those feelings. He just isn't allowed to be ruled by those feelings, which, when you have superpowers it's a good thing you're not blindly ruled by emotion. Anakin goes apeshit because he's so ruled by his fear of losing Padme and look how many people die.

*Side note I feel like Maul living is stupid (he was cut in half!) and invalidates this incredibly important moment in Obi-Wan's character development and I will never acknowledge that Maul lived past TPM.

Lol when watching Kenobi, where Anakin is shown murdering children on-screen so explicitly they had to put a content warning (and personally as a teacher I even found it a little triggering/anxiety-inducing) my first thought was still "and Those Certain Fans will still blame the Jedi for this/defend Anakin." Sigh.

I usually just scroll past those discourse posts because well, they're just... irrelevant to me. Sure, I can see why people wanna critique them, because realistically the Jedi could have a lot of issues. But this isn't our world, this is a galaxy far, far away, and George Lucas approached it as mythology/fantasy more than anything. The good guys are good because they're good and are nice and help people. Narratively, that's really all there is to the Jedi. Some people like to go deeper than that, or flip the narrative. Me, it's enough. To each their own.

Plus Star Wars has a very unique approach to children being portrayed as being just as capable as adults. Does it work in the real world? No of course not! It's there because it's what makes Star Wars truly for all ages and enjoyable to all. 11-year-old me wrote fanfiction about my Very Mature 14-year-old Jedi OC being a Super Amazing Awesome Smart Jedi Commander in the Clone Wars because I was 11, 30+-year-old me obviously knows I was an idiot at that age and a 14-year-old kid has no business being in a war but 11-year-old me just enjoyed living vicariously through a story/media that didn't treat me like a dumb kid just for being young. I think adult fans kinda forget that aspect and get hung up in "omg the Jedi treat kids awful" when it's a story that supposed to appeal to kids, that's why you get young heroes and heroines. I loved it as a kid. I saw you got a laser sword and never had to get married, sign me the fuck up, and I've been a diehard Jedi fan ever since.

If someone doesn't like the Jedi, cool, us Jedi fans don't mind that... but please stop ganging up on us and telling us we're terrible. Just let us enjoy the Jedi in peace and we'll let you write your discourse posts in peace. Simple.

#*holds up megaphone* IT'S FICTION CALM DOWN #pro jedi #asks #anon

[its-tiamat]

Hiii! I hope you're doing great o(≧▽≦)o I have a request, if it's alright :D I'm soo curious, how does it feel to be close friend with Shigaraki and Miruko (separated. and, if you write for Miruko. If not, just Shigaraki is fine!)? I wonder how they will treat their closest friend, and how they will spend their time with said friend~ that's my request heheh. Thank you soooo much!! (≧◡≦)

|| YOUR BEST FRIEND ||

Ofc I will write for them! I love them both! Also there's not that much Miruko content, so it's an interesting request <3 I do have a soft spot for Shiggy too, actually I should write more about him. Anyway here we go, hope you will like this!

Pairings: Tomura Shigaraki × gn!reader • Miruko × gn!reader

Warnings: there are some swear words here and there lol

Shigaraki doesn't have a lot of friends, and sometimes he doesn't text back for months.

You know he's probably busy with the League though so when a week later he finally answers your text, asking if you wanna go over to play videogames, you always accept.

As I already said in my other headcanon, please bring him snacks bc he forgets to eat. And to clean his room. I just KNOW his room is a mess, and that there are little piles of dust on the floor that used to be things he didn't need anymore, and that he decayed for fun. And left there.

The other members of the league are used to it/too scared to point it out, when you come over and start scolding him they are kinda relieved. Of course, you're the only one that can bully his dumb ass without getting decayed.

He's almost nice to you to be honest. He can't really bully you back without sounding like an offended toddler.

"God, Tomura, your room looks like shit. I bet there are rats living under your bed."

"Who cares, I've already turned on the console, let's play." He shrugs.

"No, you landfill raccoon looking hobo," you say unplugging his game, "We are cleaning up this place."

"Are you ssstupid?" he hisses back. You point at a pile of dust near him. "What did that use to be?"

"...I don't remember."

After the room goes back to looking like a place you can actually live in, you finally let him beat you at whatever game he wants, and try out new ones together. Sometimes you let another member of the league join, as long as they bring more snacks.

To you, Miruko (but you call her Rumi of course) is like an older sister. An energetic, loud, stubborn older sister.

Like, I honestly can't imagine her if not as an extremely loud person, probably when she calls you on the phone you gotta turn the volume down a bit if you don't want everyone in the room to know what she's saying. And to save your eardrums. Anyway, not someone you can play Telephone with.

Also, forget about putting her on speaker around others. She just can't keep herself from swearing, and all the four letter words she managed to keep to herself while on hero duty are going to come out. You don't really mind it, she has such a stressful job after all. She needs to blow off some steam, and that's what friends are for.

"Hi Ru-"

"You have no idea what piece of fucker I had to save today. Shit, those people should be left to drown."

"Girl, you shouldn't say that kind of stuff though..."

"No Y/n, you don't get it. I'm jumping out of a canal with this man over my shoulder. And the fucker tries. To touch. My ass. Stop laughing, I was this close to dropping him back in the water."

Also, she's stubborn af so get ready for long ass discussions on whether she's right or you are over the most disparate topics.

God only knows how many times you were just about to throw hands, but that's also part of your relationship. You value her opinion. She values yours.

So even when you argue, it's never just for the sake of it. Which I think would be kinda toxic, to be honest.

Under her tough exterior of muscles and swear words, your friend is an honest, caring woman. You can trust her to always be true to you, and to be there when you need someone to cheer you up.

masterlist

#mha headcanons #bnha headcanons #shigaraki headcanons #miruko headcanons #shigaraki tomura #bnha tomura #rumi usagiyama #bnha miruko

[teaveetamer]

It's genuinely funny how the weird stuff stans use as ammunition to dunk on Faerghus can be traced from ironic funny memes and kinky headcanons and AUs. You made your own worst enemies completely by accident!

They complained about Dimitri birthing kids or something before, right? Do you think they read an Omega Dimitri fic or headcanon and assumed it's canon?!

But that take that Rodrigue was at fault for Duscur? I think they just didn't bother to really pay attention to AG and thought that Rodrigue shouldering the blame about what happened in Duscur is proof that he really is at fault.

Like honestly I had to post a link to that because like. I wrote that like three years ago. I didn't remember ANY of that, but I guess I was like "haha angst brain go brrr what if Rodrigue had Feelings about Duscur and it made angst for my OTP?"

And yeah the ol' make womb for himself thing. That was a hoot. I'm almost certain someone read an omega!Dimitri fic and just had some seething rage about that lmao.

And yeah I have no doubt that someone just said "y'know what, I hate Rodrigue. What BS can I make up about him to justify my hatred? I know! He did Duscur!"

But like. The fact that I came up with some dumb headcanon three years ago to more or less the effect of "Rodrigue had something to do with Duscur and is kind of an asshole" is hilarious. Some small part of me likes to think that a stan's friend's friend's friend sent them this post and it trickled on down through in a game of telephone until someone out there was so sure there was actual proof that Rodrigue did Duscur when it reality it was just lil ol' bored me going "haha what if Lambert got pregnant and it was angsty!"

[crystalkleure]

It took me a long time to realize exactly how much amnesia I actually had, because my memories aren't always 100% gone. They're more like 90%-95% gone, usually.

What will happen is I will have a vague memory that some type of interaction involving [person] and/or [subject] occurred, but I won't remember much, if any, of the actual content of the interaction/conversation. So I am constantly going back and rereading, and rereading again, my own posts and DMs to other people, to refresh my memory on what exactly happened earlier whenever I find myself oddly "spacey" [dissociated, and probably freshly switched]. I spend a fucking huge amount of time every day rereading my own shit to jog my memory, the dumb paranoia about "Oh god what if there's some typo or grammatical error somewhere I didn't notice before" isn't the only reason for the repeated re-checking.

What I now know is usually happening is that another alter of mine is giving me a vague nudge in a specific direction when they can tell I'm confused about [insert thing], like "Check over here for The Answer To The Question I Can Hear You Thinking." It's just, like...an urge to go look in an oddly-specific place without necessarily realizing WHY I feel like That Place Specifically Contains The Explanation I'm Currently Wanting. Like, I will NOT know why I know my answer is there, I feel like I have no reason to expect it to be there, yet I'll just Feel The Certainty That It Is. Won't even know what exactly The Answer will LOOK like, there's just the vague certainty that I'll Know It When I See It [which is always correct]. That is how we've always operated, before even knowing about DID and thus eachother. Now, if I notice The Urge To Look Somewhere Specific For No Known Reason While I've Been "Thinking Loudly" About Being Confused About Something, and I think Actual Clear Words towards The Urge, then The Urge will think Actual Clear Words right back at me because they are an alter lol. Usually something like "Check your Discord DMs dumbass, someone literally told us about this two days ago. It was so-and-so." And lo and behold, that will be correct.

So the end result is it LOOKS – even to me before knowing what DID was – like I actually just Remember The Thing [even if oddly not very well considering how recent it probably was], but what's actually happening in my head is a fucking game of telephone. I don't actually have the memory, somebody else who does is relaying it to me. And I'm just sitting there astonished that what they're telling me is right.

#Past me: ''Uhhhh okay I guess I DO remember the thing. Even though I'm surprised at what I'm saying actually being right. Cool?'' #Me now: ''lmao bitch no you do not. You thank that alter for giving you a hand.'' #.It speaks #About me yo #.Gin 🦈

[canyouplzjust]

DIE - before the game

Entry 1 of my DIE journal, transcribed:

End of July -

Gigi came over so we could work on our DIE characters together. Sam is running the same so obviously he was a part of the discussion process. He and I had talked initially about not creating personas, and playing as our real selves, but his final word on that idea was "No." Actually, his final work was "telephone" and because he said it in from of Gigi, that was enough to shut me up. It was so fun making parallel characters with her. We have so mucn in common, its easy for us to understand indescribable things about each other. Like a dumb snse of bravery and something to prove in the face of absolutely real dangers. Why weren't we afraid of the lives we chose to lead? Oh, because we wanted to die. Life meant nothing in our early 20's due to arrogance and depression and a lot of drugs and alcohol. However, it is a little magical to create 12 year old version of ourselves that aren't as awful as we were. Our imagined selves have compassion and self control, and my imagined self is somehow even sluttier than I was (transcribing self not thinking that's really true based on recently surfaced memories, but ok). Gigi's is decidedly less so. So, we made Personas intertwined with each other and let the ideas about the Paragons just float in the air We constructed artificial lies to tell the world (that we were kidnapped & Max was to blame) and we found the rift in our friendship couldn't be repaired. It was so interesting - sitting in that room, building a wall between us and feeling both loneliness and closeness at the same time. In the end we built two best friends and named them Daria and Jane. We took the same job at the same real life restaurant we both knew, it was on the Ave in Delray Beach in 2005 (Dada's). Its funny how close we came to meeting earlier in life - but I guess you meet people when you need them, and I'm very grateful to have a friend like Gigi now. That was the entry, punctuated poorly and by the following quote: "I can use it as a looking glass, not a mirror" - me, on what my character decisions mean about who I really am.

#die rpg

[ralucasalmostgone]

I didn't really like being friends with her.

She had another friend that looked identical to her that had my name instead. And she caught said friend bad-mouthing her on the phone, when they were sharing the same telephone line in a hotel, on a vacation.

I mean, yeah, I considered her reliable but very closed off emotionally.

She said the same thing as Andreea: that they both considered being the villain in stories they saw.

---

With me, she was fine. We were joking around, playing games together. Or she would suggest I mock others through caricature, quite often, cause I'm good at drawing. She'd nickname people, that was fun.

But

When the time came to say anything about my physical apperance (randomly) she said: "your nose is..." And I'm like: "yeah, small". And she was like: "yeah, but it's, you know...kinda [crooked] (or something)?"

But I could never see my nose, profile-wise, in photographs because I don't show up in photographs. So I thought she meant the profile, maybe, that I've NEVER seen.

So then she got punished with a big nose...

And I remember seeing her make an effort to be pretty through makeup stuff and I complimented her instead, even as I perceived that it got to her head.

---

It was a very cruel friendship, much like all friendships between humans who are ugly and humans who are not, end up being like.

I meant the self-control at the time, when it comes to her physical apperance difference. I can control my thoughts THAT WELL. I never once insulted her in my mind back then (even as I knew she's the complete opposite of all aesthetic appreciation of the female gender).

And yet, she insulted and lied to my face about my own...

...

I know it was understood that we behave based on the inside, as humans. Aesthetics are not morals. But still.

And 2ndly,

We had a talk about something, but I could barely get her to get into deeper topics:

I tried to free her of her fear of public and social humiliation. Cause she was filled with social angst and anxiety.

I tried to tell her that the opinion of others DOESN'T MATTER.

She said, she can't do it. She just can't. She does care what others say or do when it comes to her...

---

So after years of emotional closed-offness from her part (though she did tell me her mother had a child before her, a boy, and he died at birth) and barely one philosophical talk and just playing games together online, I was like...

Look... I can do better friendship-wise!

And she was like: "oh no way, you've hurt my feelings!"

(thinking possibly, that I've gossiped about her to others, like that friend she caught on the phone that was named that way, as me.)

And so she's not putting it right: I didn't hurt her feelings, she's just afraid I did what she's afraid of: which is to bad mouth her to others!

No, I didn't...doh

But she insulted my nose/profile when I still didn't know what it looked like so...

---

during the same time as breaking up with her friendship-wise, I found a female model type in New York that served as a better friend if you ask me, that was speaking like me, using the same intuitive patterns. she was stealing my talking style at the time.

she made me feel hopeful about my thoughts by helping me see potential that didn't occur to me before.

and then she had my model habits apparently that I never knew I had, so I could borrow some healthy product ideas from her...

cause I'm not into makeup, you know, I'm very health-invested from a young age etc.

and I don't know, something changed in me during that bust time. I broke up with her friendship-wise. and after the churches visit thing, I broke up with my other alleged GOOD friend, the really moral one according to that dumb priest. I told her she's a phoney and a bitch

---

hey, people change and they don't wanna waste any more time on people that drag them down! and I felt like I was running out of time during the bust period

why time = knowledge in the first place

doh

---

"hurt feelings" my ass

she never once tried to reconcile after that!

it was more like: "oh no! what are OTHERS gonna think about me, now????"

---

her spirit mind NOW acts as though she were my equivalent physical apperance-wise because I never once insulted her physical apperance - like mean girls do.

I'm not a mean girl. I'm a Totally Spies! girl

HA HA HA HA

That would be a Mandy that does that.

Which is what she is deep down inside!