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mediaevalmusereads · 3 years

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My Friend Dahmer. By Derf Backderf. New York: Abrams ComicArts, 2012.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: memoir, graphic novel

Part of a Series? No

Summary: In 1991, Jeffrey Dahmer — the most notorious serial killer since Jack the Ripper — seared himself into the American consciousness. To the public, Dahmer was a monster who committed unthinkable atrocities. To Derf Backderf, “Jeff” was a much more complex figure: a high school friend with whom he had shared classrooms, hallways, and car rides. In My Friend Dahmer, a haunting and original graphic novel, writer-artist Backderf creates a surprisingly sympathetic portrait of a disturbed young man struggling against the morbid urges emanating from the deep recesses of his psyche — a shy kid, a teenage alcoholic, and a goofball who never quite fit in with his classmates. With profound insight, what emerges is a Jeffrey Dahmer that few ever really knew, and one readers will never forget.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: ableism, allusions to animal harm/death, implication of murder

Overview: This graphic novel/memoir has been on my radar for a while, but I only recently picked it up for reasons I can’t quite articulate. I’m not sure what I was expecting - thrilling tale of teen psychosis, the makings of a depraved murderer, I don’t know. Perhaps my lack of concrete expectations served me well, since what I found in Backderf’s book was a sympathetic look at Jeffrey Dahmer as a teenager and all the warning signs that were ignored by the adults around him. In a way, it was a heartbreaking read. I don’t think Backderf was trying to excuse Dahmer’s crimes by showing that he only did it because he had a rough life. Rather, I think Backderf was trying to reconcile the “serial killer” Dahmer with the kid he actually knew in real life. For that, I’m giving this book 4 stars.

Writing/Art: Backderf’s art style is fairly “cartoony” in that it doesn’t try to have accurate proportions or imitate reality. Certain facial (or any anatomical) features are exaggerated and there’s a lot of heavy linework, which doesn’t quite communicate “horror” as one might expect about a tale about Jeffrey Dahmer. In a way, I think this works for the story Backderf is trying to tell: it almost seems absurd and grotesque that nothing was done to help Dahmer as a kid, and the art style embeds these feelings in the shapes and linework. One might also argue that the style almost seems juvenile (though it isn’t) and that quality enhances the fact that this story is being told through the eyes of a teenager.

Personally, though, Backderf’s style has never really been my aesthetic of choice, but that’s my personal preference and not a knock against the author/artist. If it works for you, that’s great.

In terms of narration, I liked that Backderf was honest about his impressions of Dahmer. At no point did he claim that he “always knew something was wrong about him,” nor did he seem to play up the proto-serial killer vibes. Instead, Backderf uses subtler, unsettling feelings that show something was “off” but not so “off” that they could have been expected to report Dahmer to the police or something. In a way, it’s fairly truthful and shows how sometimes, you can get a vibe off someone, but not really know what’s going on with them. It also reassured me that Backderf was writing not to somehow leech fame off of Dahmer (for whatever reason) but to work out his own emotions.

Plot: This graphic novel is divided into five parts, plus a prologue and epilogue, that each focus on certain aspects of Dahmer’s life. Part One establishes the setting and Dahmer’s home life; Part Two portrays Dahmer’s alcoholism and the rise of his darker urges, which he desperately tried to control; Part Three is about Dahmer’s relationship with Backderf and their antics at school; Part Four is about how the end of high school was a breaking point for Dahmer; and Part Five is a reflection on how Backderf and his friends left Dahmer behind and how that isolation allowed him to start killing.

I think the organization of these memories into separate sections worked well. Though they followed a loose chronology, I felt like each section had a theme or goal so that Dahmer’s story felt like it was progressing rather than just existing all at once. I appreciated the sympathetic lens that Backderf uses to tell his story; multiple times throughout the novel, he questions where the adults were and how it was easier to not make a fuss. I think, in doing this, Backderf communicates the difference in culture in the 1970s and avoids portraying himself and the literal kids around him as responsible for not stopping Dahmer.

The only thing that I think could have made this story a bit more “real” and grounded for me would be if Backderf had used more of Dahmer’s own words from interviews. To his credit, Backderf quotes Dahmer in a few places, such as the epilogue and at the beginning of Part One, but I think I would have liked to see Dahmer’s voice more often, or at least Backderf’s reactions to Dahmer’s voice more often. Backderf says in his author’s notes that his portrayal of Dahmer is constructed from his own memories and the memories of others who knew him, as well as from transcripts and recordings of interviews with Dahmer, but I wonder if more of Dahmer’s own voice could have been woven into the panels. To be fair, though, this book isn’t trying to illustrate Dahmer’s life from Dahmer’s point of view; it’s specifically a memoir about Backderf’s perception and relationship with him. But it would have been interesting, I think, to see if there was a disjoint between what Dahmer said about himself and what Backderf saw as a kid.

Characters: I hesitate to analyze the figures in this book as “characters” because they’re all real people. I don’t have the knowledge to determine if Backderf is “accurate” in his portrayal or not, but that wouldn’t be productive anyway, since the point of this book is to offer a perspective rather than an objective account.

Instead, I’ll use this space to communicate how certain figures come across to me as a reader. Dahmer is incredibly sympathetic, to an extent. Backderf does a good job of making him feel like an outcast and a loner at some moments and something of a lolcow at others, which seems consistent with accounts that state that Dahmer seemed to have friends but was actually very isolated. From these moments, I got the sense that Dahmer was suffering; rather than taking joy in his “perverse” urges, it felt like he did everything he could to suppress them until the only thing that kept him in check (high school social life) disappeared. As a whole, then, it seems like Dahmer was a kid in desperate need of help, but he didn’t live in a culture that could really do so. If that was Backderf’s goal, then he achieved it.

However, I do think Backderf toes a little too close to the line of portraying Dahmer as wholly sympathetic. To be fair, it’s a hard balance to strike - you want to condemn Dahmer’s later actions, but you also want to sympathize with the kid he was at the time before he started his killing spree. To address this, it might have been interesting to flash back and forth between Backderf’s high school memories and his impressions or emotions when learning about Dahmer’s crimes or arrest/trial, but I’m not sure if that would have been in line with what Backderf was trying to do. So, it’s just an idea.

Backderf and his friends come across as a little insensitive, but not in a malicious way. They never really clicked with Dahmer or considered him a friend, merely someone they occasionally hung out with and used for pranks (as in, they got Dahmer to pull pranks and laughed at his antics, they didn’t pull pranks on him). I don’t think I can fault Backderf for that - people aren’t obligated to connect with everyone, nor do I think its fair to ask why Backderf and his friends didn’t do anything. I did get the sense that there was some regret in Backderf’s account, perhaps some shame at the more tasteless things that passed as fun in the 1970s (making fun of people with cerebral palsy, doing a Hitler skit for the school variety show, etc. - some of this behavior is addressed in author’s notes). But I do think he communicated the divide between the world of teenagers and the world of adults, and how that kind of environment affected him and Dahmer differently.

TL;DR: My Friend Dahmer is a sympathetic account of Jeffrey Dahmer’s early life, told through the eyes of someone who knew him. Rather than thrilling readers with a proto-serial killer narrative, Backderf communicates how the environment of the 1970s prevented Dahmer from getting help, thereby showing how easy it was to miss the “warning signs.”

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illusionlock · 5 years

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pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick!

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

#don't be scared. i am here with you.#smile for me #smile for me game

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whiskeyworen · 6 years

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I just realized, I don’t have neighbours.

Which is a weird thing. I’m in an apartment building. Second floor. I should have neighbours above, below, and on either side. And at one point, I did. But I recently realized that that’s somehow changed now. The apartment above me, when I first moved in, was rented by some woman who regularly had her douchebag boyfriend over. There was always arguing, bickering, and shouting, at levels that made it past the soundproofing each apartment has (they did a good job on this building.) At one point, douchebag starts kicking the woman’s ass around the apartment, to the point where I called the cops. What I didn’t know was that pretty much everyone on the two floors surrounding them had called the cops as well. Fast forward one cop visit and three weeks later, and I find out from the landlord that the woman ended up having to move after her douchebag boyfriend was arrested for kicking the shit out of her, because he was apparently also her rent-payer. No idea where she went, but they cleared out.

Apartment to my ‘left’ down the hall, had a single mom and her kid. Nice enough, very polite, but I always got the sensation there was something tragic about them. The mom never looked or felt comfortable in the building, and I think it was beyond her means. She too, had some boyfriend, or maybe a husband eventually, but I only ever encountered them once after I saw the three of them together. The aura of ‘Back the fuck off’ radiating from the guy the moment he saw me, a random stranger, in the hallway while on my way to work was wholly out of proportion. Later I find out they moved out rather suddenly. Landlord was a bit bitter about them, saying they always paid rent late, and the mom didn’t have a job. I can’t blame them because sometimes, that happens. I actually felt sorry for them more than anything. They looked and felt down-on-their-luck, and were just trying to make ends meet. That song ‘Living on a Prayer’ comes to mind. Apartment to my ‘right’ down the hall used to belong to some party animals. The kind that, for a three day weekend, would turn the music on as LOUD AS FUCKING POSSIBLE from 7PM till 5 AM the next day. At one point, I got out of bed, got dressed, shambled over, and knocked on the door. When the dude opened the door, I was like “Dude. Hate to be That Guy, but I gotta friggin’ work tomorrow morning. It’s 3 AM man, and my bedroom is right against that wall.” He apologized immediately and turned the juice down to something less-brain-shaking. A few months later, Management gets a bunch of complaint reports about people smoking pot and cigars and cigarettes on the balconies. This is a non-smoking building, and the balconies and windows are fairly close together, so smoke was drifting into the apartments of people who specifically rented from this building because it was a non-smoking building. Heavy asthmatics and other health issues. So the landlord sends out a note to everyone saying smoking is prohibited on site, and there’s designated zones outside for it. One day after the note, neighbours packed up and moved out. I had a shift that day, so when I got up at 7, I saw them moving stuff. Get back at 330 and they’re already done and gone. Someone moved in afterward, but I think they’re just Oil rig workers, because I only heard noise from them once in like, the last 3 or 4 months. Nothing since. They might be renting just to have a place to store their stuff. The apartment below me is a bit of a trip. Originally rented to some woman. I think she moved out in the first year. Next people that rented...didn’t live there. They operated one of those seedy, almost untraceable virtual companies that sells various gimmicky, shit-quality alternatives to expensive goods. Like cheaply built, faulty knockoffs for back massagers. To make a long story short, a package to them ended up with me, and I contacted the original sender (who was returning the item and had already gone through three levels of ‘Oh you need to talk to this person’ and four levels of getting no responses quickly), and arranged to send it back to them...also providing them with all the information I’d gleaned from public record and BBB about the company, as well as advice to deal with them. This company was ‘odd’ in that when you ordered from them, you got the item quickly... but to return it you needed to jump through 50 hoops. They REALLY wanted to keep the ball bouncing as much as possible in YOUR court so they didn’t have to pay you back. According to the BBB, they were an unregistered ‘corporation’ that had several sub-corporations that did the product-sending, and they’d recieved at least two actual complaints about the company. The parent company of the shell corporations wasn’t even an electric massager company. So the sender lets me know they’re gonna contact the authorities about the company, and the original address for the package, which I encourage them to do. I hate seedy companies like that. Make good, from-home companies look bad. Doesn’t help that the company’s return address was here in my city, but the ‘home office’ was actually in Las Vegas, and never ever EVER had an open line to call. It was always convieniently ‘busy’. Flash forward to about this past month. Come home from work, spot a very familiar looking package leaning up against the door of that company’s ‘office’ apartment. A few days later, the package is gone, but there’s a mail tag on the entrance way doors about another package that was to be delivered, but ‘could not be delivered. No answer. Company is closed’ or something like that. A few days later, I spot a note from the landlord slid under the door. No idea what it was, but it might have been a notice about a failure to pay rent. I have no idea what really went on, but I think that package sender DID get the authorities involved, and this pseudo-company pulled up its stakes and disappeared into the night. They didn’t renew their lease, they didn’t pay their last rent, they just disappeared. They were basically renting an apartment to act as an office, and paid someone to come in every few days and ‘live’ there to pretend it was actually occupied, so they could have poor consumers send returns there...so they could deny them return money by claiming they never got the package at a legitimate address. So now, basically, on the vertical plane of Up, Down, Left, and Right... I have no neighbours. In a building FULL of people.

#tw #trigger warning #personal story #Weird

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mild-lunacy · 6 years

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Slash fandom fetishizing theorizing

This tumblr is basically now all about Fandom Things That Irritate Me... When Suddenly Reminded. On today's episode, I'll have to say that I'm really tired of the discourse around the 'fetishization' of gay/bi men in fandom, and particularly how this is the first and best thing people like to throw at shippers when they're being too... shippy (which is shocking, I know).

It's ironic 'cause, of course, I'm often irritated at the excesses of shipping in general and the way people fixate only on the parts of characters and their relationships that they want to. I've written a post about friendships vs. the role of Bluesey, and a recent post that deals with Pynch (if indirectly) in a similar manner. Of course, instead of insisting people who can't appreciate the line between the platonic and romantic dynamics in The Raven Cycle are fetishizing gay relationships, I've highlighted the differences and the importance of both. Implying that the platonic dynamics are more interesting or important to discuss isn't something I'd ever want to do, however.

The thing about the ever-popular fetishism discourse is that it assumes some sort of underlying questionable intent, whereas surely most people are simply acting in the most natural manner possible as fans. It's the more canon-centric friendship flag wavers that are weird and unusual in the fannish context. It's honestly weird if one had somehow not noticed this basic fact of life in fandom. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with enjoying canon 'as is' (to say the least), but it's not like we're somehow the average. And because canon-centric fans are rare, it seems oddly disingenuous to question the motivation and moral fiber of the great majority of all ship fandom, or to act like naturally shippy behavior is limited or specific to fans of a particular pairing. And of course, not least because many of the people involved in it are themselves queer.

I should clarify that I do think a certain 'fetishism' of gay relationships is not uncommon in fandom. In the sense that many straight/bi fangirls (and women in general) often have a special interest in two guys being in a sexual relationship. I haven't made a study of this, but speaking of myself, I'm not immune. I definitely have a special interest, being a slash fan. I *particularly* enjoy gay-themed fanfic, manga, movies and published fiction. I don't know if psychoanalyzing myself is relevant here, but I'd still say this isn't fetishism in the sense that I have no sense of reality or proportion, or I confuse stories for some kind of documentary, or I wouldn't treat actual gay men like human beings. I don't go around following gay couples and cooing, or ask them who's really the wife, or whatever it is the worst case scenario would be. However, I'd go out on a limb and say the great majority of slash and/or BL manga fans and even fag hags aren't completely tone deaf and offensive in that manner. If a person is offensive, surely one can at least entertain the idea that it's their personal issue or a lack of maturity, rather than blaming their special interest.

It certainly seems to me that it's predominantly people who categorically reject slash fandom as a whole that tend to be fond of charges of shipping as gay fetishism. There's a sense among progressives in general that one shouldn't step outside the bounds of one's people, shouldn't presume to speak for anyone else, which often translates into not being too *interested*. I've seen people claim that owning certain kinds of souvenirs or buying culturally unique items made in other countries was offensive and appropriative. We're supposed to 'show respect' for minorities by keeping a certain polite distance, not taking too many liberties. In this case, even with fictional characters. Which is where it all seems to become a bit of a farce, honestly.

First of all, the idea of people needing to be sensitive and polite to real people *through* their relationship to fictional characters needs to be addressed. It's truly irrational. Sure, there are some queer men out there who seem to take issue with how gay relationships and sexual behavior is often portrayed in slash fic. The portrayal of the role of friendship vs romantic relationships is along those lines. However, people's feelings and opinions can easily be ill founded and unrepresentative. As an example, there are also feminist activists who think all women are being offended by the fact that any man anywhere enjoys masturbating to (probably violent and certainly very unrealistic) porn in the privacy of their home. That porn is offensive and inappropriately/unrealistically depicts women, so supposedly all the men in the world have a responsibility to boycott this porn, and hopefully all other porn, if they want to show their respect for 'women'. I don't know if these feminists really think most women agree on the importance of eradicating all porn, but I assume the women who disagree are simply judged to be not feminist enough. Easy. If the men don't agree, well, these men are pigs who don't respect women. In sum: it's too many silly exaggerations and irrational arguments to count. This is why we can't have nice things.

It's one thing to critique the way fandom fixates on shipping, or ignores canon context. Heaven knows I rant about the latter all the time, and twice on Tuesdays. But it's another thing to imply Pynch fans squeeing about the ship and not writing essays about the importance of Ronan and Adam's other relationships aren't treating the characters as real enough human beings. Even if that was true, it wouldn't follow they *should* treat fictional characters as human beings anyway: that's a gift a reader may or may not bestow, if the author is good enough. It certainly wouldn't mean they actually don't do so in another tag and/or context. And besides that, it wouldn't follow that the fixation on the romance isn't due to its inherent attraction, but just because it's hot being *gay*. Like, surely it seems highly counterintuitive to say we don't *really* ship the things we ship, but instead any two guys would do in the end. Surely there's enough actual gay porn on the internet for people not to resort to YA fanfic to get off, and surely there are actually pairings with both more fics and more hardcore and/or explicit material than you'd find on the Pynch tag.

The fact that I'm far from the first person to make these points suggests two things: one, no one ever convinced anyone of anything on the Internet. And two, I'm guessing the 'gay fetishist' accusers aren't super interested in the reality of the situation in the first place, and self-righteousness is King of the Internet (as usual).

#raven cycle #raven ❤️#pynch #masculinities #slash meta #reader response #fandom meta #shipping #fangirl problems

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37thknight · 7 years

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okay, so i’m borderline cross with this whole ordeal so here’s my take on it

Y’ALL LIKE JUICY ANALYSIS, RIGHT?

this “jeonlous mouth thing” have been around for sometime now and i dont honestly get the negative feedback people are starting to impose on its name these days ?????

shipping in general, as much as it leaves so much of a bad taste in our mouths and as much as i hate to admit it myself, is run by the delusional (read: responsible for delusion) cogs in our minds, lubricated by the teeny-tiniest details of the pairing’s words, actions, quirks and personalities to fulfill our wild desires to prove “TRUST ME, THEY’RE BANGING EACH OTHER ” and to act as supporting evidences to back-up this “constructed reality” of what we want them to be.

the thing with jikook // koomin otp, as most other kpop pairings are, is that they’re members of the same group or band or whatever you want to classify BTS as. one way or another, they’re bound to have a relationship, may it be purely for their careers (a business relationship, as described by SHINee’s Jonghyun in one of their Happy Together guestings) or an established platonic one, heightened by the difficulties they’ve dealt with and the feats they’ve achieved as a group.

from this, we can branch out to a ton of “stuff” for a lack of better word, and i can only discuss (read: rant) so much

EXHIBIT A

bts members are friends more than co-workers and we are very much aware of that, as opposed to those groups with their contracts sufficing as the adhesive to weave each other together (c’mon, this is not a shade). i dont know about you but in a squad (a group of friends rather, if you don’t like seeing that word), it’s most probably mapped out that as humans, we’ll be drawn particularly to one of them; hence, the best friend phenomenon.

so...are they best friends? well, there’s still taehyung in the equation and there’s no way we can dismiss him like that. (side remark here: the three of them can just be each other’s best friends, you know? im aware that this is an actual, real life thing that happens to other people...but i’ve been in that circumstance and it’ll be hard juggling your attention and love equally that it's more deteriorating than beneficial to all ends) now, taking into consideration how much emphasis the whole korean culture put into respect and age, the maknae line just transcends through all that , BUT

1. jimin and taehyung are close (even regarding each other as soulmates in one of their recent fanmeetings) esp because of the fact that they’re of the same age, meaning, the level of comfort with each other is as much as korean society expects them to have. they’re not just “comfortable” brothers more than chingus though, they’re that comfortable with each other it’s beyond classifications (like there are classifications, but you get the point).

2. maknaes are very much endeared in the whole korean “age-and-respect-and-authority-and-hierarchy” landscape (can it even be called that?). jimin has shown how much he cherishes jungkook even tracing back to their predebut days up until now, successfully fulfilling the role of hyungs in korean standard whose role among many others is to take care of those younger than they are. other members also treat jungkook fairly similar or sometimes even topping jimin’s treatment to the maknae aka taehyung, whose life source is probably skinship + aegyo with other members (we’ll get to that) and the whole reason im confused who’s whose when it comes to this best friend thing

3. still in the korean view of age, you address those older than you with respect by how? c’mon, we’re all nuts about kpop how must we not know? there’s oppa, unnie, hyung and noona (this addressing thing is more of an asian thing than mere korean, really). now, here’s the catch: jungkook calls jimin hyung borderline merely (read: close to the bare minimum). a mere slip-up? a moment of the perfect mask idols need to sport, carelessly put aside? more than anything, it just fuels the fire in this situation. jungkook addresses his other hyungs with the names they need to be called, even taehyung he’s very close with. and this just show that jungkook considers jimin a chingu, one he can comfortably act towards, (just like jimin and taehyung’s relationship, being the actual chingus here) despite the apparent age difference.

i dont know if i’ve gotten to anything at this point, but i’m lenient to the concept of jimin and jungkook being the best friends which explains most of the things they do together which leads us to:

EXHIBIT B

skinship between friends, more specifically friends belonging to the same sex (gender’s a bit more complicated concept, you guys), is the most normal thing in korea. they probably are most expressive with each other to the point that it baffles foreign onlookers, a good example of which are the int’l fans.

remember what i said about taehyung? all males in korea are practically like him, even stemming from young age, being touchy-feely here and there with friends.now, ever wondered why apparently jikook is not a huge, blown out of proportion ship in korea as opposed to its stance in the international fanbase? yup, that’s because for koreans, seeing jimin and jungkook’s interaction with each other is like seeing the average same sex chingus walking downtown or their buddies at school as they do everyday. holding hands, feeling each other up, sitting on laps, pecks on the cheek (less observed), and even touching thighs, crossing the boundaries of what foreigners would deem appropriate, is common and normal (have i made my point about this issue yet? i’ve become a broken record,my goodness).basically, there is no such thing as personal space in korean culture of friends; thus, skinship is prevalent.

a very much related issue to that is korea’s view on homosexuality. no matter how peppered with the stereotypical gay (not meant to be taken offensively, guys im also a queer folk hi) interactions and copious displays of affection korea is, homophobia is still present. it’s too ridiculous that it’s become funny. you can tell me how korea has become liberated and all that shit but the thing is, they’re not. korea is just downright a conservative country (is this an offense too? oh god). korea is still anchored to the concept that people are only and only and only limited to a man-loving woman and woman-loving man. topmost reason why idols cannot come out and identify as different from the two because to deviate from the norm is supposedly throwing away tradition and rude and can spite everyone around them that they’ll lose their job.

i dont know where im going but i still am in check of what im talking about. bottomline of this exhibit is holding onto the contradicting persona of korea, jikook is all but nothing more (this is proper grammar, you guys) than a thing of delusion.

EXHIBIT C

kpop idols love to treat their fans and bts is not a loser in the game. they give back quite warmly to the fans. they deem armys highly because, nonverbatim, bts is nothing without their fans. fans are the reason among others (to dismiss their hardwork is plain rude) why they’ve made it this big. so they’ve got fanservice in store for us, the majestic element of them all, leaving us in a baffled rut whether or not our otp’s interaction are candid or sheer fanservice. THEY ALL KNOW THAT THEY’RE PAIRED WITH EACH OTHER. a gift for the fans? publicity stunts to gain the favor of their audience? whatever meaning fanservices hold in the hearts of our dear bts members, it just ups the notch of the level of our delusion when it comes to our ships

(it’s heartbreaking, i know. i didn’t even want to write this part out. if you can just sense my unwillingness to write on the matter ㅠㅠ)

EXHIBIT D

let’s go back to what actually irked me and cross me so much that it driven me nuts to the point that i actually spend my time writing this long ass rant.

“jeonlous” = a jealous jeon jungkook

now, this has gathered a negative connotation primarily but is not limited to two things:

a. “this jeonlous thing manifests a relationship with an abusive undertone” (okay, so i constructed that sentence to make their claims much more rational than it fucking is)

b. it does not make sense for jungkook (and even jimin) to get jealous of other members/fans/other people not them in general

firstly, what does it mean to be JEALOUS (can you see my eyes rolling?)

in the evolutionary, biological scale, is the exhibited response to the threats to the relationship they are in because monogamy that’s why (a reality that’s manifested almost throughout all the animal kingdom)

in psychology, is the complex emotion that’s not just about anger, abandonment, fear or sadness; it’s the simmer that’s aroused when a valued relationship is somehow not in its standard state and there is raw desire to regain the affection and/or attention. it’s even described as “a necessary emotion because it preserves social bonds. it motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain an important relationship.” a clinical psychologist characterizes jealousy as something we don’t have much control over, and that it is a natural, instinctive emotion that everyone experiences at one point in their lives.

it just follows that when jealousy is at hand, people tend to do things that has become seemingly second nature tics to them. now, this is a good reason to back up the jeonlous mouth/tongue thing, how much of a mere coincidence it may be. jealousy is not bound to romantic tones; it can encompass siblings fighting for their parents’ attention or even in friendships. so that’s a yes, yup, jungkook can get jealous of other members because he has that valued relationship (refer to exhibit a) with jimin and there will be a lingering longing in him for jimin to get back at being jimin again (read: showing him affection and attention; emphasis on him)

don’t get me started at this abusive, emotionally manipulative relationship issue here because it’s just absurd and this rant will be longer than my lifespan i dont even know anymore (ok but the insecurity that is woven in the ambiguity of jealousy may also be responsible in driving someone to emotionally manipulate his partner to the point of abuse BUT JK JUST WANTS JIMIN’S ATTENTION BACK SO WHAT’S ABUSIVE HERE calling this whole ordeal abusive is too much of a stretch like really? really? y’all are actually taking this into consideration? really?)

(okay this rant had high hopes in presenting evidences to support my claims but i havent slept a wink yet and im also half angry ????)

the thing is, as much as we’re delusional in shipping jikook, y’all are just delusional claiming that the fucking quirk jungkook exhibits is abusive WHAT DO WE EVEN KNOW ABOUT WHAT THEIR ACTUAL STATUS IS IN THE FIRST PLACE goodbye y’all im just im--ugh this is so dumb

you wanna know the catch about this jeonlous thing that gets me every single time? IT’S THAT IT’S FUCKING CUTE. AND I’M SHIPPING THEM TO MY PLEASURE THAT IT GIVES ME JOY TO SEE THESE MOMENTS WHICH GIVES ME LITTLE SPARKS OF HOPE THAT MAYBE THEY’RE MORE THAN FRIENDS YEAH I KNOW IM DELUSIONAL BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE IT’S CUTE and that’s good enough reason for me to fawn over their “supposed” romance

y’all are hypocrites enjoying the jeonlous thing one second then next second, condemning it after reading a post and riding the mainstream. Y’ALL NEED TO SIT THE FUCK DOWN (also reevaluate the hypocrisy but oh well)

#jikook #jimin #jungkook #kookmin #bangtan #bts #kpop #rant #im ready to take the bullets #come at me bitches HAHAHA

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