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sleepyhollands · 9 months

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false god

PAIRING harry styles x reader

SUMMARY harry’s having trouble finding enough time to spend with y/n, even after she drops everything and joins him on tour. when they talk, they only seem to argue. when they don’t, they only seem to fuck.

WARNINGS she’s an angsty one— lots of miscommunication, poorly executed arguments, and general couple fighting content. BUT!! there is lots of really cute fluff at the end :> also, beware of smutty content such as soft!dom harry (my favorite), oral (f!receiving, implied m!receiving), unprotected p in v, a brief hesitation to get naked on y/n’s part, an even more brief mention of bondage play, harry leaves like one love bite, and tooth-rotting holding each other while having sex content. lmk if i missed anything!

WORD COUNT 5.5k

AUTHOR’S NOTE fun fact this was supposed to be done months ago and then literally everything that could have gotten in my way did just that. but she’s here now!! writing this was a challenge but i feel so good about it now that it’s complete and i can’t wait for you all to read it. please lmk you enjoyed by leaving feedback and/or reblogging!! special thanks to @cherryjuiceblues for beta reading for me <3 ily <3

LOVER SELECTION one-shots here.

“harry, it doesn’t matter if—”

“it does to me!”

“hey, there are two people in this relationship, you know.”

“yeah, an‘ one of ’em feels like right shit on what’s meant to be the greatest tour of his life! doesn’t that mean anythin‘ to you?”

“of course it does, i just—”

“really? ’cause y’could’ve fooled me, love.”

“harry, i swear, if you interrupt me one more time, i’m booking the next flight home.”

… tour had been going really well for harry! he was playing back to back sold out shows in some of the biggest cities in the world, with adoring fans lining up by the thousands, itching to hear him sing live. he’d already had some really sweet interactions on stage, and no crazy mishaps had occurred (he was especially proud of himself for having ensured everyone’s safety so far). just in the last week alone, he’d been nominated for three different awards for his newest album and performances. anyone could see that he was living a dream— the dream, really. the kind that only comes true once in a blue moon.

and yet… tour had been going really poorly for harry. now, he doesn’t like to complain about much; he knows just how fortunate he is, and actively tries to see the bigger picture when frustrated. but it was really hard to zoom out of his particular situation when he was so zeroed in on a particular aspect that had been bugging him for weeks— y/n.

don’t get him wrong! y/n herself wasn’t what was bothering him. it was more so her presence, and his… lack thereof.

if there’s one thing harry prides himself on more than anything, it’s being an attentive lover— even in the most innocent and platonic of ways. he tries his absolute hardest to be a supportive brother, a considerate son, a (hopefully) decent role model to those who look up to him, and especially a present, loving boyfriend. and for the most part, he’s just as successful in those aspects as he is in his career. in fact, y/n regularly speaks of how harry treats her like she hangs the stars in the sky just for him, how he makes her feel like the most special girl in the world.

but this tour was taking its toll, and harry was taking it out on y/n. he’s never been great at communicating everything in the most positive of ways— that’s where he turns to songwriting— and he’d let his emotions get the better of him after letting them build up for the past couple of weeks. he wasn’t proud of himself, but he needed an outlet.

harry didn’t mean to start the fight. but when y/n asked him where he’d been after a last minute management meeting following that night’s show kept him an extra half hour later than he said he’d be, it was like all the frustration just erupted. inadequacy is one of his least favorite feelings (next to loneliness), and being a barely-there or only-sometimes-there boyfriend couldn’t be more of a trigger for that particular emotion.

now here they were, vexation filling the tour bus around them like a fog they could barely see through, inhaling it with every breath and releasing it back into the atmosphere surrounding them. harry huffed out a sigh, arms crossed and brow furrowed as he angrily looked out the window of the tour bus to distract himself for a moment, having to mentally step away from the argument at hand, even if just for a few seconds. watching as the dark streets outside shined with the headlights of other vehicles, he found himself wishing he were in one of them. it would be nice to be in a car alone, nothing but his thoughts and some music to keep him company.

but he had real company. she was standing not six feet away from him, emulating his defensive position with her arms drawn across her own chest, jaw clenching and relaxing every other moment. when he finally turned to look at her again, he exhaled loudly.

“we were crazy to think that this could work,” he mumbled, barely audible to y/n, but she was able to make it out.

even when they fought, the girl seemed to be in sync with him, inhaling deeply, subconsciously countering his previous expulsion of breath. the yin to his yang.

“what are you talking about?”

harry groaned at her words. how didn’t she get this? “y/n, i’m never around! i wake up when you’re still asleep, prepare for the day, go to the venue, help set up the stage, sound check, rehearse a bit, and then ’m off t’go get ready for a show that lasts two hours. almost each night! i come back exhausted and aching to sleep! where d’you see yourself fitting in there?”

when y/n realized it was her turn to speak again, she said, “first off, do you think you could please calm down a little? i can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

his eyes narrowed. “like what?”

“when you’re acting like a child, harry! i mean, for god’s sake, i’m not nine! i can handle hanging out on my own for a few days at a time and just getting to cuddle with you at night until you have a day off. it’s not like i don’t have things to do throughout the day, too.”

while harry tended to say things he didn’t exactly believe in the heat of the moment, y/n meant every word she uttered. she really was content relaxing in the tour bus or a hotel room taking care of work on her laptop, catching up on new episodes of her favorite shows, or even going out to explore whatever new city they were in by herself. harry had breaks between show days once or twice a week, and the thought of having those days to themselves was enough to sate her desire to spend time with him. it annoyed her that he didn’t understand that, as she’d never been the clingy type and was always very self-sufficient.

“oh, i’m acting like a child, am i? right, i didn’t realize that wanting t’be present in my relationship with my girlfriend was childish, but hey, you learn something new every day, i s’pose.”

oh, y/n was really starting to seethe now. letting her arms fall to her sides with a frustrated puff, she began again.

“god, harry, you’re not childish for wanting to spend time together! i’m saying you need to realize that i’m perfectly capable of waiting for your days off to really spend time with you. you’re acting like we can’t function without each other!”

“the whole idea of you comin‘ on tour with me was to have this time together, y/n,” harry fired back. “if we’re barely going to get to see each other anyways, then what’s the bloody point?”

…

harry might have spoken too soon. at least, that’s what he thought as he laid overtop y/n on the tour bus couch, because now the point might very well be getting to just feel her lips on his every now and again.

it was late; harry had just come back from a show. usually, he’s too tired to do anything but crash onto a cloud-like mattress after all the jumping around he does on that stage, but this time all he wanted was his girl. it’d started innocently enough, with harry pulling y/n into his lap on the worn, red leather of the couch. his hands roamed along her hips and down to her waist beneath her soft hoodie (which wasn’t even technically her’s, but is it really theft if harry just leaves his clothes lying around for her to nab?), exploring the soft expanse of her skin, not straying any lower. her own hands were hidden in his curls, lightly scratching at his scalp in what she hoped were soothing motions.

harry knew he was done for once he initiated the kiss. tentative at first, he pressed light pecks along the corner of her mouth, quick and feathery, like he didn’t really care if he got to kiss her so much as he got to hold her, or simply be with her. but soon, the eagerness set in, like he wasn’t sure when the next time he’d get to have her was, and suddenly he was capturing her mouth with his own, barely giving her a chance to breathe as he tasted her. while harry never really believed in a higher power, he could have sworn he found religion in her lips.

things only escalated from there. it wasn’t long before harry was wrapping his muscular arms around y/n, so tight that he accidentally squeezed too hard, earning a squeak from the girl. he muttered a hushed but sincere “’m sorry, darling,” to compensate. one hand supported her head, the other splayed across her back as he laid her against the cushions so that he could keep loving on her on the way down. he relished her little whimpers that she tried so hard to suppress, grinning against her jawbone, her neck, any skin he came across on his journey south to more pressing territory.

harry didn’t bother removing y/n’s hoodie, opting instead to push it up past her naval in favor of gaining access to the waistband of her fluffy sleep shorts. he felt her hands tighten their grip ever so slightly on his shoulders as he hooked his fingers under it, relaxing again when he rubbed the pad of his thumb delicately along her hipbone, reminding her it was only him.

it was a thing with y/n. she loved harry, of course she did, and she trusted him more than anyone. and maybe it was the way she was brought up, or perhaps a few poor experiences with sexual partners in the past, but there was always a fleeting moment of anxiety before shedding the clothing barrier before sex. like dipping a toe into a cold lake and hesitating a little, then ultimately deciding that jumping in wouldn’t be so bad.

harry never pried. the first few times they’d slept together, he noticed her nerves, and asked her if she was sure she wanted to continue. y/n had said yes each time, and after a while, he stopped asking. but still, whenever he noticed that brief nervous shift, harry gave her a chance to change her mind.

this time, he bided his time by sponging tender kisses right above where his fingers were still half hidden under her shorts. he wanted her to feel safe, and taken care of, and he hoped his gentle touches and even breathing could remedy her anxiety. as he waited, harry’s mind drifted…. he was getting lost in the feel of her soft skin, its dips and curves and blemishes. he thought about her waist, how his hands fit so perfectly against its sides; her tummy, and how the muscles there jolted when he tickled them; and her hips… god, if y/n’s body was a church, her hips could be the altar. harry was ready to say a prayer right then, thanking every higher power for blessing him with this gorgeous girl—

“harry?” his love’s melodic voice interrupted his thoughts, and harry’s eyes snapped up to meet hers, his nose continuing to skim just above her navel. “um… you can keep going. please.”

the corner of harry’s mouth quirked upward, and y/n could have sworn she caught a glimpse of mischief in the jade of his irises, but it was gone in an instant, as he wasted no time in stripping her of her bottoms.

…

“god, h-harry,” panted y/n, her grip on his curls constricting with every lick to her core, “’s so good, oh—”

“would feel even better if y’stopped trying t’run away from me, wouldn’t it? don’t wanna have to tie you down.”

y/n couldn’t help it! it wasn’t her fault if harry’s tongue was just too good and her body’s natural reaction was to attempt to escape his grip for a little relief. if anything, he should be happy— they’d been at this for so long y/n lost count of the minutes, and after two toe-curling orgasms, one would think harry’s jaw could use a break.

but that thought flew out the window when y/n remembered who she was metaphorically in bed with.

“’m sorry…,” she whimpered, gripping the side of the couch cushion as her eyes squeezed shut.

“don‘ have to be sorry, darling,” harry mumbled against her folds, chin glistening with her arousal as he placed a soft kiss to y/n’s clit, making her jolt in his hold. he breathed a short laugh, adjusting his arms so that one held her upper thigh next to his head, while the other pinned her hips to the red leather, restricting her ability to move. “jus’ wanna make you feel as good as possible, is all. will y’let me?”

harry turned his head, nipping at the inside of the girl’s thigh, and she gasped at the brief assault on the softest skin of her body, now adorning the mark of his front teeth that she loved so much. she shuddered a breath as best she could, and harry could tell by the way her knuckles were turning white in their grip on the couch that she was trying her best to be good. feeling a twinge of guilt, he figured maybe he should offer her a second to breathe. y/n opened her eyes when she felt harry’s lips retreat from her aching cunt and the weight of his head rest against the love bite.

“hey.”

y/n cast her gaze down upon the boy (who looked far too innocent, considering what they were doing) with his cheek laid on her inner thigh, stray hairs tickling her just a tad. playfulness swam in his eyes, but there was an underlying current of concern.

“doin‘ okay?”

she nodded, gulping. harry noticed.

“because we can take a break if you want to. just say the word, okay?”

“i will, i-i promise. but… can you please keep going?”

that was all he needed to get right back into it, only with even more fervor than before. when y/n reached her third and final peak of the night, her whole body shook, and harry had the pleasure of getting to watch as he helped her ride out her high. he almost came in his pants, rutting his hips into the sofa, moaning against her core, begging her give it t’me, love, that’s it.

harry pulled back when she started pushing at his head, whining for relief as he gave one final lap at her core. he grinned at her fucked-out figure as he wiped his face on his forearm, then took her hand that had been grasping at the cushion in one of his, bringing the back of it to his lips for a gentle kiss.

“feel all right, baby?”

“mhm,” she hummed between heaving breaths, glancing at what she assumed could only be a quite painful stiffy between his legs as he sat up, “do you?”

harry followed her line of vision, offering her a chuckle and an i’m fine, using his free hand to smooth his thumb along her brow. before he could even register it, her palm slipped from the grip of his other hand and traveled down to rub against the bulge in his pants, earning a sharp hiss from her boyfriend and a deep groan soon after.

“why don’t you let me repay the favor?”

…

harry was pretty sure y/n was asleep. if she wasn’t, she was definitely on the verge— her breaths were deep and even as she laid in his hold, her head on his chest, ear pressed overtop his steadily beating heart. and who could blame her? the evening’s activities had worn her out, which meant harry had done his job properly. he was more than happy to be wide awake, running his fingertips up and down her arm, inhaling the sweet scent of her fruity body wash while she dreamt if it meant she was rested and content and happy.

moments like these made harry think they could get away with it. the long hours spent apart, the hectic schedules, the fighting. sure, it was tough, and yes, they both had a temper that rivaled one another’s for the ‘least amount of patience award’ on any given day. but every missing ounce of patience was compensated by double its weight in love. they loved one another enough to make it work.

they could make this work.

right?

…

“jesus, harry, how do you think that makes me feel? you’d honestly rather i not be here? are you actually that insecure?”

“c’mon, y/n, you know tha’s not what i meant.”

y/n felt like they were going around in circles, having the same fight over and over again. only this time, the couple found themselves in a beautiful hotel room, with a beautiful view overlooking a beautiful city. and instead of getting to enjoy it, y/n was glaring at harry though the vanity mirror, his back facing her as he tamed his wild curls for tonight’s show… which he had to leave for in just a few short minutes.

the balled up fist on y/n’s hip flew up to her face, fingers flexing to pinch at the bridge of her nose as her eyes squeezed shut for a moment.

“i can’t believe this. i dropped everything to be here with you— to support you on the most incredible tour of your career— and instead of being happy i’m here as opposed to the alternative of thousands of miles away in a different time zone for months, you’re sitting here bitching about being too tired?”

harry sighed deeply, only infuriating y/n more. “you’re missing the point. ’s not that i don’t want you here, or just that ’m too tired. ’s knowing you’re sitting around by yourself, waiting on me while ’m working, when you could be out with friends and family, or sleeping in the comfort of your own bed—”

“that you’re not in!” the girl loudly interjected— how didn’t he get this? “i put all those things aside for us, har. it’s not like i’m leaving my life behind for years. christ’s sake, the tour is over in two months! but somehow, being away from my home and routine is easier than being in the same room as you right now.”

harry contemplated his next words carefully, turning them over in his head a few times and editing any obvious mistakes, leaving the pair of them to marinate in suffocating silence for a good ten or so seconds before he finally spoke.

“y/n… i can’t be a good boyfriend and a serious artist simultaneously, okay? not while ’m on tour. i can’t keep losing sleep over how well i’m balancing—”

“okay, you know what, harry? you know what? maybe you should just leave me, then. wouldn’t that be easier? you’d be able to sleep better at night, right?”

they both knew she didn’t mean it, though harry couldn’t lie and say it didn’t hurt to hear. but she was pissed, and harry knew better than to try to reason with her when she was like this.

when she realized he wasn’t going to respond, instead electing to stare brokenly into the mirror, she continued. “you know damn well how hard i work for this relationship. i’ve flown across the oceans that have separated us, driven for hours just to get to see you for, like, one— hell, i’ve skipped some of my most important classes so we could go to shitty dive bars in the middle of the day together! yeah, remember that? i love you, okay? people who love each other are supposed to be grateful for any time they have together at all, no matter if it’s every day or once a year.”

y/n took a breath, finally cooling down after her heated rant. she took a moment to take in the sight of her boyfriend, dressed so vibrantly, feeling anything but.

“they warned us about times like this,” the defeated tone of y/n’s whisper was enough to finally get harry to say something.

“what was that, love?”

the girl swallowed the little saliva in her mouth before speaking up a mere decibel. “remember what my parents said? ‘the road gets hard, and you get lost when you’re led by blind faith,’” she imitated her father’s deep voice, and if not for the circumstances, harry might’ve laughed.

they weren’t lost, were they?

…

if there was such a thing as heaven on earth, y/n is pretty sure she’s been there. in fact, she goes there whenever harry so much as touches her.

when he kisses her shin as they lay watching a movie together on the couch, pulling her leg up off his lap and craning his neck downward to meet it in the middle. when he runs his fingers down the bridge of her nose, making an exaggerated boop! noise once he reaches the tip, gently pressing against it like a doorbell. and especially when he has her like this.

harry’s arms felt secure wrapped around y/n’s torso, her hips moving back and forth atop his own. the feeling of his cock twitching and shifting inside her while her nipples rub deliciously along his chest made her dizzy, like she had just gotten off a loopy rollercoaster. harry’s back arched just slightly off the plush mattress of their hotel suite’s bed when y/n gave a little bounce, arms constricting around her and forcing a pleased sigh to fall from her lips.

the girl hid her face in the crook of his neck, and harry could feel each and every hot breath against his skin. lost in pleasure, he let his large hands migrate from her hips down to her bum, where he gave a small pinch to the flesh, eliciting a yelp and a small jolt from y/n.

“sorry, baby,” he laughed, “couldn’t help m’self.” harry gently flattened his palm against the now tender skin, rubbing there softly in an attempt to soothe the little ache he left. when he felt satisfied, he shifted to rubbing between her shoulder blades instead, his other arm still wrapped around her lower back as she returned to her previous rhythm above him.

y/n could tell harry was enjoying himself. his groans alone were evidence enough, not to mention the little utterances of “shit, darling,” and “so good t’me,” he frequently let slip. but perhaps he just needed a bit more to reach his high, because without warning his hands were on her thighs, gripping tightly as he began to thrust upwards into her at a much quicker pace than she had originally set— it had her seeing stars in a matter of mere seconds.

“oh, god— harry,” y/n gasped out, gripping the edge of the plush pillow by harry’s ear. she could feel him hitting that special spot inside her with every snap of his hips, and she couldn’t stop her eyes from rolling back into her head, muscles tightening all throughout her body.

“almost there, angel… just…,” harry’s thrusts began to slow, becoming more deliberate, and now he was moving her hips to grind against his each time they met, sending y/n over the edge.

y/n’s moans were long and drawn out as she came, body spasms making her hold on more tightly to harry for stability. she didn’t even hear him finish, too busy reveling in the euphoric feeling of cumming in his arms, surrounded by warmth and love and feeling the safest she had in a long while.

it was moments like these where y/n couldn’t fathom how she’s ever been upset with harry. he was perfect, lying here under her unsteady body, breathing deeply not only to catch his breath, but to take in the smell of her. she wanted this for eternity. and if this was heaven, then surely hell was when they fought with each other.

…

y/n thought she was dreaming at first, not used to being roused from her slumber by anything other than her well-timed alarm and the occasional bark of a dog on a nearby street. she expected that after blinking the sleep from her eyes a few times, the vague image of her favorite boy would dissipate, and she’d fall back into the comfort of her warm pillow. but when she squeezed them shut once, then twice, and her boyfriend’s face was still a foot away from her’s, brushing his fingertips up her nose and along her brow, she set aside her exhaustion in exchange for confusion.

now, harry knew better than to wake y/n up. in most circumstances, she’d tell him off, or gently kick at him to get him to leave her alone. he found it rather endearing, and it’s one of the reasons he’s so protective of her in her sleep— always holding her close to keep her safe, shielding her eyes from any light intruding on the space she lay, making sure both their phones were set to ‘do not disturb.’ but he had to make an exception, just this once.

“darling,” she barely registered his whisper, “wake up f’me, please?”

a whine fell from y/n’s lips, her eyes scrunching shut as she turned her body away from him, which harry knew was code for let me sleep, for fuck’s sake! a smile graced his lips at the action, jotting down a mental note to make this up to her later.

compensating for the newfound distance between them, harry scooted closer to her. he kneeled on the floor next to the bed, close to the pillows she rested upon. he laid one arm against the mattress, perching his chin on the back of his wrist. using his free hand, he continued to brush his fingertips lightly against his love’s cheek, her jaw— all along her face, really. god, her loves her face so much.

“please, baby?”

harry had just come back from one of his best performances yet— the crowd’s energy was unmatched, the chemistry between him and his band members was palpable, and he’d managed to not get hit with any flying objects all night! but what really did it for him was the fan project he was surprised with at the end of the show. thousands of people in the room wore light-up bracelets that shone pink and blue during one of his favorite songs, ‘love of my life.’ if harry’s heart had been any more full in that moment, it might’ve exploded right there in his chest.

he had been on cloud nine for a moment. but soon, realization washed over him in a way that squeezed at his lungs, stealing his breath for a second. the love of his life was somewhere miles away, probably sitting in their hotel room watching a comfort film, oblivious to anything he was feeling on that stage. he just wanted to go home to her and gush about what had happened, and how he wished she’d been there, and how it made so much sense that it would happen during ‘love of my life’ because it was the perfect representation of the amount of love he had for his, and how if she’d have been there, he would have looked directly at her and smiled the whole time.

it made him realize how bloody stupid he was.

in retrospect, the conversation he’d needlessly just woken y/n up for could have waited until morning. but then harry wouldn’t have been able to sleep if he didn’t tell her he was sorry right away.

a groan sounded through the room, followed by the ruffling of bedsheets as the girl turned back over to glare annoyedly at harry. he let out a soft laugh at her behavior.

“’m sorry, baby. know you jus‘ wanna sleep right now, but ’s it okay if we talk for a mo‘?”

“now?” y/n asked in a gravelly voice.

“now, m‘ love.”

with a soft sigh, she relented, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes with her knuckles. harry caught the motion, bringing his hands up to pull hers away from her face. he didn’t like when y/n did that, as she always managed to do it too roughly. instead, he held her smaller hands in his own, getting up to sit on the edge of the bed, facing her.

“what is it?” y/n asked through a yawn. harry looked at her for a moment— really looked at her— before responding.

“i’m sorry.”

it took her a moment to register his words. “for waking me up?”

harry laughed that dreamy laugh she loved so much, and it almost made up for the fact that she was up at twelve thirty in the morning. “no, y’little minx. not for that. well, yes, for that, but that’s not what i meant.”

“what are you sorry for, then?”

harry looked at her with an expression y/n couldn’t place. it look him a few beats to speak. “i… i’m sorry i was such a prick before. i love that you’re here, an‘ that i get t’see you when i’m off. know you put aside a lot for this, an‘ i ruined it with m’own problems. didn’t mean to.”

y/n’s features softened at the boy’s sincerity, and if it weren’t for the warmth his hands encapsulating hers provided, she’d have reached out and held his face, peppering kisses over every dip and curve.

“i know you didn’t…. i’m sorry, too.”

“for what?”

“i should’ve listened better. you were trying to tell me how you felt and i just disregarded it. that wasn’t very nice of me, either.”

the right corner of harry’s lips tugged upwards, morphing his mouth into that little half-grin y/n adored so much. “think we can get past it, darling?”

the girl scooted forward the tiniest bit, harry’s magnetic pull too hard to resist. though they were the only two in the room, she whispered, “i’ll forgive you if you forgive me.” harry liked how she made something so simple sound like a secret deal between them.

harry’s half-smile quickly quirked up, completing itself, and y/n swooned over his dimples and adorable bunny teeth. a short and quiet breath of a laugh fell past his lips, and for a moment, he just looked at her. but his gaze caught a glimpse of uncertainty in her eyes, and his grin faltered a bit.

y/n was always good at hiding her true emotions when she wanted to. not when it really mattered, don’t get her wrong— she wasn’t one to take anyone’s shit. but at dinner with her parents or meetings at work, she was able to pretend she wasn’t exhausted or annoyed. it never worked with harry, though. he could read and understand her like his own lyrics, and tonight was no exception. he saw through the mask of humor at her uncertainty, and a pang of guilt bloomed in his chest.

he let out a sigh as he beckoned her forward by gently tugging her hands, still in his, toward him. “c’mere, baby,” he said softly, pulling his love into his lap. y/n curled into him, knees tucked upward into her chest as his strong arms found purchase around her frame, holding her tenderly but securely. one of harry’s large hands held the back of her head against him, her ear right over his heart, listening to it beat for her.

“love you like crazy. you’ve no idea.” he peppered light kisses to the top of her head, so softly she might’ve missed one or two. “thank you for comin‘ an‘ s’porting me. means the world, honestly.”

“i’m happy to be anywhere with you, har,” she replied in a voice honey-thick with sleep. “even if it’s just for a few minutes. always so happy to have you.”

harry closed his eyes, laying back into the pillows, bringing y/n down with him so that she was laying overtop his sturdy body, inhaling his every exhale.

“you have me,” he said, though he was almost certain she didn’t hear him, likely already pulled into the void of sleep, drawn in by the comfort of harry’s arms, his smell, him.

“you’ll always have me.”

taglist (final time using the old one, see new link in bio): @fahsey @caswinchester2000 @lmaotshollandd @jackiehollanderr @nervousdadmode @amii-nyc @skitmix @auggie2000 @voguesir @yourgoldengirls @hunnybunimdun @lolooo22 @atoris-fantasy

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arabellasleopardcoat · 3 months

Text

Pyrite - Chapter 1: Gold Crown

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Daemon Targaryen x Reader.

Chapter Summary: During your first week as the Queen's handmaid, you overhear something you shouldn't have.

Warnings: Discussions of death, grief, abortion, and scheming. None of those happen to reader.

A/N: Alysanne Targaryen, you feminist icon. Mostly context.

As you walk towards the Queen's chambers, you fight a yawn. Despite the excitement you feel, you are still tired, unused to waking up as early as this.

So far, you have led the life of a girl. Playing around the gardens with the other children, running errands for your mother. But today, your life will change. You will go from girl to woman.

Today will be one of the most important days of your existence. The only other event that could surpass it will be the day you finally meet the lady you will serve.

It's a labor of love, your mother says. To serve faithfully next to a Queen is to be strong and loyal, but most of all, loving. You will get to know all her secrets, only you will see her bared body, and all its imperfections. You will learn to love this woman as if she were your little sister, for you will be the only one to know her as she is. Past the crown and the jewels, and down to the very mortal flesh that a Targaryen Queen has.

The Red Keep is where your family has served for generations. Your grandmother is full of tales about the cruelty of King Maegor, and his various wives. Your mother has served Queen Alysanne faithfully, ever since both of them were mere girls. You come from a lineage of handmaidens, born to serve the greatest Queens Westeros has ever seen.

In your family, being born a girl is a blessing. When a boy is born, the family weeps for the opportunity lost. Your mother had been the only girl out of her siblings, and now you, an only child, get to learn her trade.

One of your earliest memories comes with being taught to read and write. A handmaiden must know all the recipes for beauty, and create her own. Never for embellishing herself, but rather her lady. Every woman in your family keeps her own book, tailored to the lady she serves. As a child, you dreamed of the day you would be handed your own journal, and today is the day it will finally happen.

You will get to meet Queen Alysanne today. She is the most loved and kind Queen your family has served. Your mother has always spoken highly of her, telling tales of her beauty and grace.

Her story is the story all little girls dream of living. She had married for love, defying her family, and ended up being the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. She had it all, once. Riches, beauty and a loving family. But as of late, you know her life has not been the fairy tale it used to be.

One of her sons, Prince Aemon, passed away a few years ago. The loss of her daughter had made the Queen even sadder and morose, and now, her other son was rumored to be running himself ragged with the responsibilities that came with being Hand. He worked so much, his health was debilitating.

The Queen walked around the Red Keep as if in a stupor. Your mother said that she had left her changed. No longer, the Queen had a thirst for life, nor did she care much about anything. The only thing that had broken her out of her sadness had been the fact that her granddaughter, Rhaenys, had been declared unfit to be heir to the Iron Throne.

“If your Grace truly believes that women lack the wit to rule, plainly you have no further need of me.” The Queen had said to the King, that time. Everyone found her words so surprising, but not you. Your mother had always said she was a champion for women, noble and commoners alike.

The succession issue was not only the royal's, but yours too. On it depended whom you would serve, which Queen you would tend to for the rest of your days.

Prince Aemon left only one heir. Princess Rhaenys, a beautiful woman who inherited her father's eyes. It should be her who should be Queen, your mother says. It's only right. But she has already been passed over already, the King declared Prince Baelor his heir. Now Prince Baelor is weakening, and the issue resurfaces again.

You think that Princess Rhaenys would make for an interesting lady. She is married already and she has a young son. She would be the first Queen in her own right in the history of Westeros and that would make you at least noteworthy to your family history.

The other option is Prince Viserys. Prince Viserys is said to be peaceful and not very gifted with the sword. That's alright, though. He has a brother to do that for him. Prince Viserys is married to a young girl, around your age. Princess Aemma. They are said to love each other very much, despite having married as children. To her, you could be an older sister, you think. She is said to be very kind and royal, despite being an Arryn by birth.

Both of them have their advantages. Prince Viserys would no doubt bring stability, but Princess Rhaenys would implement changes that would surely benefit women.

It would be exciting to be part of such changes. Your mother always remembers fondly her first days as Queen Alysanne’s handmaiden, when she had convinced her husband to abolish First Night. A terrible northern custom that hurt people like you.

It had made waves, your mother had said. The Lords had not wanted to abolish it. But Queen Alysanne had interfered and saved thousands of young girls just like you.

It's difficult to think of the weak old woman laying on her bed as that same fierce Queen. You are allowed in her rooms at sunrise, with your mother and your journal. You watch as she prepares the room to rise her lady, and you sit quietly with the Queen's jewels on your hands and neck. It's one of your new duties, to warm them for your lady.

She looks frail, sleeping between the covers. Aged. Your mother draws the curtains of the room open. In the morning light, antiques and silks shine like jewels. It's ostentatious, and it makes you sick. Only the gowns in this room could feed three or four families for a year.

“It won't be long before now.” Your mother whispers to you. She opens the door and picks up a tray. On it, sits a grapefruit cut in half, eggs, tea, and bread. Your stomach growls. It smells heavenly. Your mother places it on the vanity where you sit, warming your Queen's seat and jewels. It's the worst kind of torture. Your stomach hurts with hunger and you think of your breakfast, a cup of broth that was heavily diluted with water.

As predicted, the Queen slowly starts to stir. She moves, long silver braid whipping around. She has very thin hair, and you wonder how your mother makes up for it. Your journal is ready to note down any tricks she deems to share. You are supposed to note times and other useful things for when the time comes for you to have a lady of your own.

“Good morning, my Queen.” Your mother curtsies, and you hurry to do the same.

“You brought your daughter.” The Queen rasps, eyes still cloudy with sleep. “Come closer.”

Your mothers urges you forward. You obey, unable to believe such an esteemed lady would want to look at you.

“You are a pretty thing.” The Queen says, brushing your cheekbone with her thumb. You lower your eyes, not wanting to offend her by gawking at her. Queen Alyssane's hands are like nothing you've ever felt before, made of the softest velvet. She has never worked a day in her life and it shows. Your mother's hands and yours feel rough by comparison. “Are you married yet?”

“No, my Queen. I wish to settle into my duties first.” You answer, demurely.

“Your duties.” She smiles. “You are a good girl.” Then, to your mother. “I suppose it's not only Rhaenys’s future at stakes, isn't it?”

“It seems like it, my Queen.” Your mother exchanges a look with the Queen. You would never dare gaze upon her like that, but they share a bond after so many years together. Almost a friendship. Or the closest thing to one that a commoner can have with a noble.

“Well. Hopefully, things will speed up soon. I doubt I have many years left, and Jaehaerys…” The distress can be heard in her tone. It makes you feel sad, too. What must it be like to love someone your entire life, and then being parted from them? If you had been in love with someone since you were a child, you wouldn't know how to live without them. It was that fear what had kept the Queen abed. After losing so much, she was afraid to lose even more.

Even if you were not a noble lady, that was a motivation you could understand. Losing your family would devastate you. Fear of it happening again would paralyze you too.

“The King will live longer, your Grace. There is no need to worry.” You said, softly. You weren't too sure it was your place to say so, but your mother's encouraging nod seemed to approve.

“Isn't it? When he insists on her not being Queen. He would rather bypass her rights again instead of naming her Queen.” The Queen said, sharply. Suddenly, she was sitting up straighter on her bed, eyes blazing with fury

“I do not presume to know the King's…” You tried to appease her, but she only became angrier.

“Do you not think it's a sign? Baelor will soon be struck down. I know it. His son is not fit to be King. Rhaenys can rule as well as any man, and she has her husband's support. He rides a dragon too. She also has a strong heir. Why would be Viserys be better?”

“The Lords would…” Your mother interjected, trying to save you from her wrath.

“A cock. He has a cock, and the Lords do too. It is time I show them it doesn't mean what they all think it means.”

And suddenly, Queen Alyssane was alive once more. She got up from her bed and started barking orders to her maidens, you included.

Your mother rushed to clothe her, draping silks over her. The Queen threw them all away, reaching instead for a black dress.

“Get me a quill, girl.” She screamed. “And summon Ser Otto. We have much to talk about.”

So you did. Everyone knew Ser Otto. He was the younger brother of Lord Hightower, and one of the most trusted men in the council. Tall and haughty, he did not take kindly to being summoned in such a way. But once he had a private meeting with Queen Alysanne, his mood greatly improved.

Many more meetings began to take place in the Queen's chambers. Another man had been asked to come and see her. Corlys Velaryon. The Queen said, loudly, that it was about him retaking his position as Master of Ships, but you could tell that was not it.

There was nothing to back your suspicions, though. You were not privy to what happened inside the Queen's chambers, and you only knew so much because you had been tasked with reading outloud her pending tasks each morning.

It was only when Queen Alysanne sent you to pick up some meat pies from the tavern she enjoyed that your suspicions were confirmed.

With your basket and borrowed gold from the Queen, you had gone to the tavern most highborn enjoyed. It was not a real tavern, in your opinion. You had been to a couple of those, with other serving girls and stable boys. Lowborn like you were not allowed here, just as they weren't allowed in the expensive pleasure houses of the Street of Silks. There was no explicit prohibition, but the prices said it all.

What it was, was a good imitation, for young lords to pretend to be having the real experience, and feel adventurous. It was also a good place for seedy meetings among the highborn.

You were making the queue towards the counter to purchase the meat pies, overpriced and made with much better ingredients than any tavern grub when you heard them.

“And you have a daughter, right?”

“A newborn. Alicent.”

At first, you didn't pay much attention, letting the conversation drift over you. It contained nothing out of the ordinary. Just a new father bragging.

“Alicent is a pretty name. Queen Alicent.”

“Laenor is…”

“Barely a few years older than her.”

But then, you realized. You knew those voices! They belonged to the men who often met with the Queen. The one with silver hair was Lord Corlys Velaryon, and he was the husband of Princess Rhaenys. The other one, you could tell, was Ser Otto. There was a third man with them, that you did not recognize. He wore a hood over his head.

“It has a certain ring to it, Hightower.” Lord Corlys laughed.

“We have to move quickly. Before the news spread.” The unknown man said.

“News?” Ser Otto asked, frowning.

“Aemma is pregnant. I fear, if she manages to carry to term, some might prefer Viserys over Rhaenys. If she births a boy…” Lord Corlys grimaced.

“A line of Kings, uninterrupted.” Ser Otto grimaced too.

“She will not birth a boy.” The other man said.

“We can't be too sure about that.”

“I should leave. I have to meet with the Queen in half an hour.” Lord Corlys got up and walked out, passing near you. He spoke the truth. You had read so this morning, on the Queen's itinerary. You tried hard to look very focused on counting your gold coins, despite the Queen having handed you the exact amount.

The silence stretched. Now, you could not hear them as clearly, but you were curious. So you stepped a bit closer and asked the cashier to warm your meat pies, trying to hear more.

“Make sure she does not give birth to a boy.” Ser Otto ordered.

“Trust me. She won't even announce it. I will make sure of it.” The hooded man's voice had a dangerous edge to it.

“We can't have threats to Princess Rhaenys around.”

“And future Queen Alicent, either.” The hooded man replied, his tone turning more teasing. You wondered who this Alicent was, and how they planned to place her on the throne. You did not know any Targaryen by that name.

“That, too. You will be rewarded handsomely, of course.” Ser Otto’s reputation did not indicate him to be humorous, but there was a hint of mirth in his words that could not be faked. He was pleased by the exchange.

“I would like to be Maester of the Red Keep, I think.”

One of the men laughed. The cashier knocked the counter in front of you, annoyed. He was handing you the heated meat pies, and expecting his gold. You paid him without a word. And as you walked towards the exit, bundled pies under your arm, you heard them toast.

“Hear, hear. To Grandmaester Mellos and Otto Hightower, Lord Hand.”

“And baby Queen Alicent.”

Your walk back to the castle was troubled. You were smart enough to know the implications of their talk. Did the Queen know? Considering they were meeting outside the Red Keep, it was doubtful. Besides, it didn't fit with what you knew about her. She may have disagreed with the succession, but she would never hurt her granddaughter.

Corlys Velaryon had left before the discussion took place. While as ruthless as his companions, the others seemed wary of involving him. Perhaps because, if the plan was discovered, it would affect Princess Rhaenys claim.

Your mind was racing. You had to tell someone. They were talking about murdering a babe not yet born! Would the Queen believe you? You knew her enough to know that she would not hurt you for speaking, but you doubted she would heed your warning. Instead, she would go straight to Ser Otto. A lowborn girl’s word against the word of a Maester and one of her advisors? The joke told itself.

Your other option was telling the Lord Hand. But Lord Baelor scared you. He was deeply protective of his children after the death of his wife. You didn't know him enough to know he wouldn't murder the messenger.

But you could not keep the memory tucked away either. It burned at you, when you were brushing the Queen's hair. When you were bathing. When you were attempting to fall asleep.

The hooded man said that Princess Aemma would not even get to announce it. Your time was running out. You had to do something.

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cinefairy · 1 year

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the beauty of manifestation

Everything that you imagine, make it as beautiful as you can. Make it alive. Make it tangible. Find the feeling of that moment

here’s a small..ish anecdote for you:

i told one of my friends about the law and she was totally on board until she started consciously manifesting. she did everything under the sun. she affirmed, she visualised and did SATs.

she came to me upset and frustrated and thats when i told her to not to focus on the techniques; techniques are only a guide but it all entirely depends on you

i told her to go within.

whatever it is you want, go grand. do not dim your greatest desires as you are god and god does whatever he wants; do not limit yourself whatsoever either.

i told her to ask herself this simple question:

“how would it feel if you had your desire?" ask that question and feel the answer. @sparklingself

she went to bed that night and she did SATs and felt what it was like to be congratulated by her friends and family on her new apprenticeship. the next day she woke up to an email saying she got the apprenticeship and she’ll be starting next week. :)

the meaning of that anecdote was to realise that everything is WITHIN. it doesn’t matter if you do a technique right or wrong, what really matters is how you feel about yourself.

want to be loved? give yourself the feeling of being loved. imagine the warmth of everyone around you. make up phrases in your mind of your family and friends complimenting you.

want to be smart and successful? how would it feel if you were successful? imagine the people you know congratulating you on passing your exam.

why make yourself suffer in imagination when you can make yourself feel beautiful, safe & protected?

it doesn’t have to be perfect at all, you just have to accept your desires as yours.

as within, so without.

Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself — Neville Goddard

there is no point in trying to change external sources; you’ll be met with failure but change your conception of yourself and you’ll be met with success.

when we do focus on the external we rob ourselves of the beauty of manifestation. we rob ourselves of feeling everything we want to feel. we restrict ourselves from our true potential.

the magnificent part of manifestation…what it’s really about

i dont believe manifestation is about making something happen in your 3D although that is the popular belief…is it really? whenever i focused so much on the process of my manifestation happening i would find myself in spirals & doubts.

to me manifestation is about ACCEPTING & FULFILLING MY IMAGINATION.

accepting that nothing can ever stop me having what i want, nothing is more powerful than me. nothing is. i accept that i deserve all great things in life.

its about giving myself everything that i want to experience; i’ll decide the arrangements and then live it in imagination.

the fact that i can be, do and have anything i want is beautiful to me. i step in a room void of colour and i can paint it with anything i wish- a tint of light blue and soft warm beige curtains that make the room feel mellow & homely.

Isn’t it wonderful that everything i want is already mine?

#law of assumption #manifestation #affirmations #dream life #manifesting #neville goddard #life goals #success story

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lovingdabeessss · 3 months

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Weiss Being the problem teammate for SO LONG is crazy like I’m not even just talking about being anti faunas and stuff

She lived somewhere that’s like THE worst place like this is every oppressor and awful take and we’re right about everything and then was living with the worst of that and told it was the best

Despite how good her heart is no amount of good heart or intelligence makes people immune to propaganda or brainwashing like there’s definitely a LOT of bad views she really had to work to find out were actually really bad and wrong and there’s probably some she still has that she just hasn’t noticed or thought about because for the majority of her life it was so normal

Not to make another “Weiss is the best written character” post on my Yang blog but like?? My god

And I say this about a lot of characters but having an older sister would fix her AND IT DID it’s just that winter couldn’t fully be that, I mean she did her part but she just traded one brainwashing for another in the military

(you can’t tell me Yang isn’t the kinda older sister figure that could go “no you can’t say that” and you shut up)

But even without specifically big sister dynamic just the fact that she was accepted into Rwby as family (I’ll make another post about that these are out of order my b💖) is huge in helping her

Like she was abused in her family but she was still its crowning jewel in the family’s crown she was the heir she was its greatest success and the treatment she received was part of that responsibility and honor so it was ok

However in Rwby she was part of the family but she was the black sheep of the family

Blake was an ex terrorist and SHE, Weiss Schnee, was the Black sheep

And YET she was still clearly loved and cared for they still wanted her safe and included they just wanted her to be a decent person and let her become one

Weiss is a lonely character in big house and a big family she was lonely as hell and now she’s in a small dorm with three people who immediately didn’t like her and she’s never been more secure she’s never had such companionship

And she craves to be more accepted and more included and also just to be better and so she becomes better

I just lover her a lot and the little Rwby family

Anyway everyone wish me luck on my English midterm!!!

She’s so funny

#rwby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #bumbleby #ruby rose #weiss schnee #winter schnee #Schnee family #analysis accidentally

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real-fire-emblem-takes · 4 months

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All fire emblem stories suck actually, it's a combination of the characters interacting and the gameplay giving characters weight that makes them fun. When people say a story sucks for FE, they mean that they don't like the characters or how they're characterized

FH is consistently rated for having a good story because the environment is the most conductive for interesting character interactions, and thus characters have the most dimension in a FE game. It allows a ton of characters to bounce off of each other in different ways, depending on the route you take. the story matters only in the context that it allows characters to interact, so while FH is successful in allowing that, the story in a writing sense is not that much better than other FE games, it just better facilitates characterization. FH doesn't have the best story in FE, but it does have the story that involves the most characterization opportunities. So in a stupid pedantic way, it's the best story for a FE game to do its thing with.

Engage is said to have a bad story not because it's worse than any other FE story, but because FH's story allows characters to bounce off of each other so efficiently, going back feels like going straight to hell if you liked what FH did

however, despite characters being FE's greatest writing strength, it ignores character development completely in most situations. At best, you go through an arc to get recruited, and that's it. lords are exempt from this as, obviously, the player always has to use them and therefore will always care about them to some extent. There are other exceptions as well, but they're mostly characters who aren't units and thus the writers know that each player will have the same amount of experience with them.

This fact is shown best by how supports are implemented - they rarely result in character development, but rather bounce the characterization of two characters off of each other in an isolated instance. Supports don't change characters at all, they just let you know more about them, which may result in you liking the character(s).

This is missed potential because it's an entire dimension of character writing that FE barely touches, and it is often integral to character based writing. Nobody really gets to change, they're either predisposed to good and join the good guys or predisposed to evil and eventually die. Thus because characters cannot change or develop, their personalities either suck and thus you don't care, or they're good and you like them.

This writing style is a consequence of the fact that units are rarely force deployed for your entire game, and thus mileage varies like crazy on whenever a player cares about the character and is cheering for their development, or just has them permanently sitting on the bench and is going "Who the fuck are you, you're not fighting with me" when they get all dramatic in cutscenes.

Permadeath contributed to this problem, but ultimately permadeath is just a forced method of benching a character, and so long as there are many units to choose from, character development won't be as present in FE, and thus FE will continue to fall short of other character basted stories, even if its characterization is often very good.

#fire emblem #story takes #fe

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moonshine-nightlight · 2 days

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Hi, hi! I've been reading some of your work and when I saw you had a tumblr I just had to come pay your inbox a visit.

I just wanna say, I really love how you write! It's so, so easy to get immersed in your stories, to the point where something kind of funny happened in my case actually XD

So there I was at midnight, browsing the monster romance side of AO3 when I came across Finally Woken. I was looking something on the shorter word count side, but the summary had me very interested. So I go, hmmm I think I'll just read the first chapter to see how it is and if I like it I'll come back to it tomorrow. I definitely liked it, but wanted just a bit more, so I clicked on the second chapter. Then the third. And fourth. And so on until oops, I binged it and it was 4 am hdjsgaca

And then the next day, I was once again browsing. And came across Don't shoot the messenger. And I go, well last night was a success but tonight I definitely only read the first chapter and then if I like it finish tomorrow. Aaaah the lies we tell ourselves. Did not even notice it was the same author until I was halfway through it. This one I managed to finish before 4 am at least XD

And then! The next day! Once again browsing in bed! I come across Sacrifice! Once again didn't look at the author until later! Take a guess at what happened next, surely you will never expect the outcome! (The outcome was exactly the same. I could not stop reading. My self restraint is in shambles.)

So yeah! I just wanted to one, come and thank you for such wonderful stories, and two, compliment the heck out of your writing skills because your pacing, and atmosphere and descriptions are top notch. Like the sense of anticipation before Satrasi knew what that captain had done was chef kiss, or the sense of dread building up to the ritual and then calm once Tai finds the reader. Or the sense of domesticity as time passes with Heshi.

All reader characters and monsters feel unique as well! My personal favorite story so far is Don't shoot the messenger, Satrasi has me swooning fdhdgzh But honestly I loved all of them so much and they're going to my favorite monster romances stash. Oh also, I'm 100% going to go back and reread, kudos and comment more thoroughly on each story, but I was on another account like a fool the first time I read them all gahdgdh So hopefully you'll see me in AO3 soon as well!

Alright I've been rambling enough already haha, so yeah! Tldr, You're a great author, I am weak and procrastinated going to bed because I wanted to read your stuff, love what you do, take care! :D

@roaring-letters

thank you so much! this was such a good message to get and i've been hoarding it for lik 2 months lol because work has been so busy which is why it was even better to get such a nice ask - it really cheered me up!

i'd say i;m sorry for the accidental repeated trapping and keeping you up until 4 am but its kinda the greatest compliment ever lol so i guess i'm not sorry

i'm so happy you enjoyed the stories and the characters and the atmosphere of the stories! my writing means so much to me and i'm always worried that i'm not getting whats in my head down onto paper right so comments/asks like these are so so heartwarming because it makes me feel lik i am in fact getting it right :D

thanks again!!!!

#asks #finally woken #don't shoot the messenger #sacrifice #this is also my time to plug to novel version of DSM #if you want a physical copy and bonus scenes #gestures at my masterlist link lol #also the lovely lovely fan art of him because they always have me swooning #i've defintiely stayed up late reading really good stories so i lov that other ppl think my work is worthy of that #also i did see ur ao3 comments #responding to that soon because u made me be lik #name seems familiar #and then i realized u were also the person who sent in this wonderful ask!#thank you!#comments lik this keep me writing :)

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edenesth · 8 months

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Undying Bonds (Ending 1)

Pairing: Hongjoong x fem!reader

AU: zombie apocalypse au

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: What could be worse than being separated from the love of your life in a zombie apocalypse? Hongjoong was forced to leave you behind with his friend, Seonghwa, as he ventures out alone to search for the rest of his missing group members. Will Hongjoong be successful in his solo mission to find his members? Will he be able to return to you unscathed? And what happens when you're stuck with his caring best friend, who is hopelessly in love with you, for too long?

Part 15 | Masterlist | Ending 2

The room seemed to hold its breath as you made your decision.

Your heart, as if guided by some unspoken force, led you toward Hongjoong. His eyes widened in anticipation and his heart pounded audibly in his chest.

The silence in the room felt heavy, the tension nearly unbearable.

You stopped in front of him and your voice trembled as you began to speak, "Joong, I... Gosh, I'm so sorry for putting you through all this uncertainty for the past few weeks. I swear, I never wanted to hurt you or make you anxious..."

He looked at you, a mix of emotions playing on his face, but he stayed silent, allowing you to continue.

Taking a deep breath, you continued, "I want you to know that... you've always been the one for me. I can't deny the love we share and the bond we've built over the years. You've been my partner, my confidant, and my greatest love."

His eyes glistened with tears and he reached out to grasp your hands gently, his touch warm and reassuring.

"I did have feelings for Seonghwa, too."

You confessed, your voice soft and filled with sincerity, "But in the end, my heart tells me that it's you, Joong. You're the one I truly love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

A mixture of relief, joy, and love washed over his face as he heard your words. He pulled you into his arms tightly, burying his face in your hair and whispered, "I love you so much, baby. You've made me the happiest man in the world."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you hugged him back, feeling the weight of your decision lifting from your shoulders. You had followed your heart and it had led you to the one you couldn't imagine living without.

Being in Hongjoong's arms, it just felt right.

It felt like...

Like I'm home.

The room seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief as your friends and Stray Kids watched the two of you, their faces filled with understanding and support.

It was a moment of clarity, of love, and of choosing the path that your heart truly desired.

Seonghwa watched the two of you wrapped in each other's arms, with a genuine smile on his face. It was a smile that held both happiness and a tinge of sadness, but above all, it was a smile filled with acceptance and genuine warmth.

At that moment, he realised that your happiness was what truly mattered to him.

He had long accepted the fact that you loved Hongjoong and he was content with that knowledge. What had once been a secret and unrequited love had found its place in the tapestry of your lives.

Seeing you happy with the person you truly loved was enough for Seonghwa.

He had treasured the moments when you had shown him kindness and affection, and he would continue to cherish those memories. His feelings for you remained, but they had transformed into something different, something akin to a deep and enduring friendship.

He knew that you had, at some point, returned his feelings, and that was enough for him.

The past was the past and he had no regrets.

He was simply grateful for your presence in his life and he would continue to be your guardian angel, your closest friend, supporting you and Hongjoong in any way he could.

As he stood there, a silent observer of your love, he made a silent promise to himself. He would always be there for you, ready to offer a comforting word, a helping hand, or a warm smile. Your happiness was his happiness and he wouldn't have it any other way.

To be fair, nothing had really changed for him.

Despite the revelation that you had briefly reciprocated his feelings, the fundamental reality remained the same: you were still his best friend's girlfriend.

After sharing that tender moment with Hongjoong, you both realised that Seonghwa had witnessed your heartfelt confession and the subsequent embrace.

Guilt gnawed at you for having made your decision so publicly, knowing that Seonghwa might be hurting.

Without a word, you and Hongjoong exchanged a look filled with concern before silently agreeing to speak with Seonghwa. You found him in a quiet corner of the room, his gaze focused on a photo of San that sat on a shelf.

Approaching him, Hongjoong spoke first, his voice filled with regret.

"Hwa, I... I need to apologise, I know I've been a terrible friend. I should have been more considerate of your feelings... especially back in university when I... when I pursued her even though I knew you cared for her deeply."

Seonghwa turned to face both of you, his expression a mix of emotions, but he wore a small, understanding smile.

"Joong, you don't have to apologise. Love doesn't work that way and honestly... I've come to terms with it. What matters to me is her happiness and if that's with you, then I genuinely couldn't be happier for both of you."

You couldn't help but feel tears welling up in your eyes at Seonghwa's selflessness, your heart squeezing painfully for his sake.

You stepped closer to him and took his hand, "Hwa, you mean the world to us. You've been there for us through thick and thin. We cherish your friendship more than words can express."

Seonghwa squeezed your hand, his gaze warm and sincere.

"I'll always be here for you both, no matter what. Your happiness is my happiness."

With a shared understanding, you all knew that this moment marked a new beginning for your friendship. The past was behind you, and the future held the promise of even stronger bonds.

You should have been able to move on from that, but you couldn't.

Despite Seonghwa's words of assurance, you couldn't shake off the immense guilt and unease you felt for hurting him. You felt the need to have a proper conversation with him, for both your sakes.

It was on the following day that you decided you had to talk to him.

In the garden bathed in warm, golden hues of the setting sun, was Seonghwa waiting patiently for you. You had asked to meet here, among the serene surroundings, away from the halls of the high school where all your friends were.

As you settled on the stone bench beneath the shade of a tree beside him, the soft rustling of leaves overhead provided a soothing backdrop to what would be a difficult conversation.

He offered you a comforting smile upon your arrival, the action doing nothing but make you feel worse.

Park Seonghwa, you fool. Why must you always be so selfless?

"Hwa," You began, your voice quivering with the weight of the words you needed to say, "There's something I need to talk to you about," He turned to you, his dark eyes filled with a mix of curiosity and concern, "What is it?"

You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts.

"Look, I know you told me and Joong that you're fine, but I can't just... I still feel horrible, okay? Hwa, I just really wanted you to know that I truly did feel the same way for you at some point. I cared for you deeply and I treasured our friendship."

Seonghwa nodded, his expression unwavering, as if he had been expecting this conversation for a long time.

"But," You continued, your voice trembling, "I did a lot of thinking and... I realised that my feelings for Hongjoong were stronger. I love him, Hwa, with all my heart, and I can't imagine my life without him."

A heavy silence hung between you and you felt a lump in your throat.

Seonghwa finally broke the silence, his voice calm and reassuring, "I understand, seriously, I do. You know, you really don't owe me any apologies. I shouldn't have expected anything from you in the first place anyway. You've always belonged to Hongjoong since day one."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you met his gaze, grateful for his understanding, "I was just so scared to hurt either of you." You admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

He reached out and gently wiped away a tear that had escaped down your cheek, "You're a kind and caring person. It's one of the things I've always loved about you."

You sniffled, feeling the weight of the world slowly lift from your shoulders, "Thank you for being so understanding, Hwa. I guess a part of me would rather you throw a tantrum or anything, but who are we kidding? You're Park Seonghwa, a literal angel."

With a playful grin, he nudged you on the shoulder, "Why, thank you."

You couldn't help but smile, "Jokes aside though, I just... I really didn't want to lose our friendship."

He responded with a warm smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners, "I told you, neither you nor Hongjoong will lose me as a friend. I promise I'll always be here for you both. I mean it."

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the garden, the two of you sat together, finding solace in your friendship and the understanding that had grown between you.

It was a bittersweet moment.

One that brought you closer in a different way, a way that transcended romantic feelings and affirmed the enduring bond you shared as friends.

From that day onwards, the guys did their best to spend as much time with the eldest as they could to try to cheer him up. It was evident that everyone was making an extra effort to lift his spirits after what happened with you and Hongjoong.

As evening approached, Wooyoung, always the culinary enthusiast, approached Seonghwa with a notepad and a cheerful smile, "Hyung, what would you like for dinner? I'll whip up anything you want!"

Seonghwa chuckled, his eyes sparkling with appreciation, "Wooyoung-ah, you really don't have to, but if I had to choose, how about your famous spicy chicken stir-fry?"

Wooyoung grinned, "You got it! Spicy chicken stir-fry it is!"

Meanwhile, Yunho and Yeosang were hard at work, meticulously picking up litter and tending to the school grounds. They knew that Seonghwa found consolation in a well-kept environment, and their efforts spoke volumes about their commitment to their friend.

Over by the school's stage area, Mingi and Jongho were deep in conversation, brainstorming ideas for comedic performances. Their goal was simple: to bring smiles and laughter to their hyung's face.

As they huddled together on the stage, Mingi said with a mischievous grin, "How about a parody of Seonghwa hyung's favourite Star Wars scenes?" Jongho snickered, "Okay, but I call dibs on Anakin! Let's see how good of a Padme you can play!"

Mingi scoffed, smacking the younger on the back, "As if! I'm playing the Mandalorian and you'll be baby Yoda!" Jongho protested loudly, insisting he wasn't a baby, only for it to fall on deaf ears.

The two erupted into laughter in the midst of their discussion, imagining the absurd scenarios they could create.

And we have the newcomers to the group, Jeongin and Felix, who were especially dedicated to making the eldest feel cherished. They had both developed a deep attachment to him after all of the unwavering kindness and support he's shown them.

Jeongin, ever the prankster, had brought a box of goofy props for impromptu costume changes. He started trying on oversized sunglasses and a feathered boa, successfully making Seonghwa laugh with his silly antics.

Felix, on the other hand, took a quieter approach. He sat beside Seonghwa, offering a friendly ear and a comforting presence.

As the group gathered together in the school's common area, they found themselves in an unusual situation. The ongoing zombie apocalypse had limited their activities, leaving them with few options. But they didn't need grand plans or elaborate distractions.

They had each other and that was enough.

Seonghwa couldn't help but smile as he looked around at his friends, each doing their best to make him happy. He couldn't have asked for a more supportive group of people.

"Thank you, everyone," Seonghwa said, his voice filled with warmth, "I know what you're trying to do. I appreciate your efforts to cheer me up, but I want you all to know that I'm fine. Your friendship means the world to me, and it's enough to make me smile, even in the midst of everything that's happening."

The group shared a heartfelt moment, the unspoken understanding of their bond strengthening even further. In a world overrun by chaos, their friendship remained a beacon of hope and happiness.

As you and Hongjoong watched them all gather around the eldest, you couldn't help but feel a wave of gratitude for the supportive friends you had.

They all knew of Seonghwa's feelings for you, yet they handled the situation with care and kindness, making sure he wasn't left alone to wallow in his emotions.

"It's good to see them looking out for him," You said softly, leaning into Hongjoong's protective embrace, "Hwa deserves all the happiness in the world."

Your boyfriend nodded in agreement, his arms wrapped securely around you, "He really does. And he's been a true friend to us, especially in these tough times. We're lucky to have him."

As the group around Seonghwa continued to share moments of laughter, you both turned your thoughts to the future.

The desire for the zombie apocalypse to end had been a constant presence in your hearts. You whispered your wishes to each other, voices filled with hope.

"I hope one day we can live without constantly looking over our shoulders, without fearing for our lives." You said, your fingers intertwined with Hongjoong's.

He rested his chin on your shoulder, his warm breath tickling your ear, "And I hope we can find a place where we can build a safe and peaceful life together someday, away from all this chaos. A place to call our own, just you and me."

Together, you dreamed of a brighter future, where love and friendship would prevail over the darkness that had enveloped your world. The road ahead might be challenging, but as long as you had each other, you knew you could face anything that came your way.

As the sun began to set, casting a warm, golden glow over the high school, Hongjoong took a deep breath.

It's now or never.

The time had come to take a leap of faith.

Your boyfriend had waited long enough for this moment.

He gently withdrew his arm from around you, causing you to turn and face him, your eyes filled with curiosity and love. He gazed deeply into your eyes, and you felt as if he was peering into the depths of your soul.

He began by saying your name softly, his voice steady but filled with emotion, "I've carried something with me since before all of this. It's a symbol of my love for you, a love that has grown stronger with each passing day, no matter the challenges we've faced."

Your heart skipped a beat as he reached into his pocket, producing a small, worn velvet box. He opened it slowly, revealing a beautiful ring that sparkled softly in the fading daylight.

"This ring represents my unwavering commitment to you. I want to spend the rest of my life by your side, no matter what this world becomes. Will you marry me?"

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, the man who had been your rock, your protector, and your love in this apocalyptic world. You didn't need to think twice; your heart had already made its decision.

"Yes," You whispered, your voice trembling with emotion, "Yes, a thousand times yes."

His face immediately lit up with joy as he slipped the ring onto your finger, sealing your love with a promise to endure hardship. Without wasting a moment, he pulled you into a loving kiss, cradling your face in his hands.

You both know that no matter what the future holds, your love will be a beacon of hope in the darkness.

The morning after Hongjoong's heartfelt proposal, you woke up in his arms, bathed in the soft, golden light filtering through the windows of your makeshift bedroom. You squinted against the sunlight, pressing closer to his warmth.

It was a moment of pure contentment, knowing that you were now engaged to the love of your life.

As you stirred and stretched in his embrace, Hongjoong opened his eyes, a lazy smile playing on his lips, "Good morning, future Mrs. Kim." He murmured, his voice still heavy with sleep.

You chuckled, tracing a finger along his jawline, "Good morning, Mr. Kim. Has it sunk in yet that we're officially engaged?"

He propped himself up on one elbow, gazing at you with adoration, "I think it's starting to. But you know what's even better? Waking up with you in my arms every morning."

Your heart fluttered at his words and you leaned in to capture his lips in a sweet morning kiss, "You're an idiot, we've already been doing this for a long time," He bit down on his lip, "We have, but not as husband and wife, my love."

"Hm, I guess you're right." You whispered and he couldn't resist pressing his lips against yours a few more times, pulling you close.

He grinned mischievously, "So, Mrs. Kim, do you know what this means? We can tease each other as much as we want now," You raised an eyebrow playfully, "Oh, really? And what kind of teasing do you have in mind, Mr. Kim?"

Hongjoong's fingers danced along your side, eliciting a giggle from you, "Well," He began, "I was thinking of starting with breakfast in bed, but if you have other ideas..."

You both laughed, excited for the new life ahead of finally being married to each other.

The world outside might still be filled with uncertainties and challenges, but at this moment, in each other's arms, you find comfort and love. With a playful glint in your eyes, you leaned in to whisper, "I have plenty of ideas, Mr. Kim, and I think we have all the time in the world to explore them."

As you and Hongjoong shared your romantic morning, lost in affectionate kisses and sensual touches, you heard an abrupt crash followed by the sound of someone stumbling into your room.

Startled, you both pulled away from each other.

In the doorway stood Wooyoung, his face flushed red.

His eyes squeezed shut as he held his hands over them dramatically, "Ahh! My eyes! My innocent eyes!" He screamed loudly, not daring to open them.

Rolling your eyes, you pulled the sheet up to cover yourselves more adequately, "What are you doing here, Wooyoung-ah?" You asked, your voice a mix of annoyance and amusement. Hongjoong chimed in, equally exasperated, "Yeah, and it better be important if you're barging in like this."

The younger male finally peeked through his fingers, realising that you were decently covered. He lowered his hands, a grin spreading across his face, "Look, I'm sorry for the intrusion, but you guys won't believe what I heard on the radio!"

You and Hongjoong exchanged puzzled glances before turning your attention back to him, "What did you hear?" You asked.

Wooyoung couldn't contain his excitement.

"The government, guys! They say they've come up with an antidote, a cure for the zombie virus!"

Your eyes widened and Hongjoong's expression mirrored your surprise. This was incredible news, something you had never dared to hope for in the midst of the zombie apocalypse.

As you hurriedly got out of bed and started dressing, you asked Wooyoung for more details while he skipped around your room excitedly, "Where did you hear this? Are there any instructions on how to get the cure?"

He nodded, enthusiasm radiating from him.

"Yeah, they said the cure is at a research facility not too far from here. We just need to get there, and they'll administer the antidote to us. We need to gather the group and head out as soon as possible."

You and Hongjoong exchanged determined glances.

This was a chance to change the course of your lives, to hope for a future without the constant fear of the undead.

With newfound determination, you nodded to Wooyoung, patting him on the head, "Thanks for letting us know. We'll get everyone ready. Tell the others to meet us in the common area."

He gave a thumbs-up before dashing out of the room, this time without dramatics.

As you and the captain prepared to face the day and rally your group, the prospect of a cure filled your hearts with hope, a glimmer of light in the otherwise dark world of the zombie apocalypse.

The group gathered in the common area of the high school, the atmosphere filled with a blend of anticipation and hope. Wooyoung quickly rushed in to fill everyone else in on what he had just told you, his face lit up with excitement.

"Guys, you won't believe it!" He exclaimed, "The government just announced an antidote for the zombie virus! It's not a scam, they've been working on a cure all along!"

A collective gasp of disbelief filled the room.

The weight that had hung over their hearts for so long suddenly began to lift, replaced by a renewed sense of hope. The guys couldn't contain their excitement as you all quickly gathered your belongings and made your way toward the research facility where the antidote was said to be.

The journey was filled with a mixture of nervous anticipation and determination. You had come so far, faced so many challenges, and now, the possibility of a cure gave you the strength to push forward.

At the research facility, your hopes were confirmed.

Scientists and researchers, tirelessly working to find a solution, greeted you all with smiles and relief. The antidote was real, and it was a beacon of light in a world that had been plunged into darkness.

Returning to the high school, everyone was practically bubbling with enthusiasm. None of you could stop talking about the hope you felt, imagining a world where the threat of the zombie virus was finally lifted.

"We can rebuild, start anew," Hongjoong said, his voice filled with optimism, "This is a chance for humanity to reclaim our world."

The others nodded in agreement, your faces adorned with wide smiles that hadn't graced your lips in what felt like an eternity. All speaking of reuniting with loved ones, rebuilding communities, and returning to a sense of normalcy you had longed for.

You had all faced countless challenges together, and now, with the antidote in hand, you were on the verge of a new beginning.

Hope had finally returned.

And it was a powerful force that would guide you towards a future where the world could heal and humanity could thrive once more.

In the post-apocalyptic world, where once there was only fear and despair, hope now flourished.

Fortunately for all of you, the government's antidote had been effective, and as the cure spread, the once-rampant zombie population dwindled to near extinction.

Humanity, against all odds, had begun to rebuild its world.

The years following the zombie apocalypse saw the resurgence of cities, communities, and a sense of normalcy. People were no longer confined to mere survival, they could now focus on living and thriving once more.

Among those who had survived the horrors of the past and found love amid the chaos were you and Hongjoong.

The bond between you had grown stronger through trials and tribulations, and it was only natural that your relationship had evolved to a deeper level.

On a sunny day that felt like a gift from the heavens, you and your boyfriend of many years have decided to declare your commitment to one another in front of your closest friends.

Soyeon and her girls, who had been your saviours and friends, took on roles of honour in the small wedding ceremony. Seonghwa stood proudly as your best man, evidence of the enduring friendship you shared, while Soyeon was your maid of honour.

The ceremony took place in a serene garden, with flowers blooming brightly, symbolising the resurgence of life and love in a world once overrun by death.

The guys of Stray Kids, who had now become like family, were there to witness your special day, a testament to the bonds forged through hardships and shared hopes for a brighter future.

With heartfelt vows, you and Hongjoong promised to stand by each other through all of life's challenges.

Your voices trembled with emotion as you spoke of your journey, of how love had blossomed amid the chaos, and how, in each other's arms, you had found solace and strength.

After exchanging your 'I do's, you and Hongjoong shared an emotional kiss, sealing your love in the presence of your friends and the world that had once been on the brink of collapse.

Cheers and applause erupted from your friends, their voices ringing out in celebration. And Jongho may or may not have screamed the loudest among the crowd, he was just so happy for his hyung. The maknae knew better than anyone how long Hongjoong had waited for this day to come.

Finally, it's about damn time.

The post-apocalyptic world, which had once been a realm of nightmares, was now slowly transforming into a place of hope and rebuilding.

Your love story, entwined with the stories of others who had survived the darkness, became a beacon of light in this new world. With each passing day, as you and Hongjoong faced the challenges of rebuilding society, you did so with the knowledge that love and resilience could overcome even the most dire of circumstances.

In the end, it was not just your wedding day; it was a symbol of humanity's indomitable spirit and the enduring power of love, proving that even in the face of the apocalypse, love could thrive and shine as brightly as ever.

Life after your wedding in the post-apocalyptic world was filled with a sense of renewal and purpose. As the world slowly rebuilt itself, you and Hongjoong embraced the opportunity to lead fulfilling lives and contribute to the rebuilding process.

Hongjoong continued his career as a music producer, using his talents to create melodies that resonated with the healing world.

His music became a source of comfort and inspiration for many, a reminder that beauty and creativity could thrive even in the harshest of circumstances.

You, on the other hand, had found a new calling as a teacher.

Alongside Seonghwa, you both became beloved educators at a nearby kindergarten. The laughter of children, their boundless curiosity, and their innocence were a balm to your hearts. You found immense joy in nurturing young minds and helping them discover the wonders of the world around them.

Thanks to the nature of your job, somewhere along the way, you began wondering what it would be like to have a child of your own.

Today was another one of those enjoyable days at work.

The soft murmur of children's gentle snores filled the kindergarten classroom as nap time enveloped the little ones in sweet slumber.

You and Seonghwa, inseparable friends and now colleagues, sat together, quietly watching over your peacefully sleeping charges. The sight of their tiny chests rising and falling in unison brought a warm smile to your face.

Seonghwa, with his gentle demeanour, turned to you and whispered, "They look so peaceful, don't they?"

You nodded, a tender sparkle in your eyes, "Yes, Hwa, they do. It's moments like these that make this job so special."

He nodded in agreement, his gaze fixed on the children. After a moment of comfortable silence, you couldn't help but share a personal thought that had been on your mind for a while.

"Hwa," You began softly, "You know, I've been thinking lately. I'd love to have a child of my own someday, to experience this joy with Hongjoong."

Seonghwa's eyes brightened with understanding and a warm smile played on his lips.

"I think that would be wonderful," He replied, his voice filled with genuine happiness, "And when that day comes, I promise I'll be the best uncle to your child. I'll spoil them with love and attention, just like we do with these little ones."

Your heart swelled with gratitude for having such a caring friend by your side. You knew that Seonghwa's unwavering support and love would be a source of strength when the time came to start your own family with Hongjoong.

With a gentle squeeze of your hand, Seonghwa added, "Until then, let's cherish every moment we have here, nurturing these young minds and sharing in their laughter. Your own little one will come when the time is right."

As you watched over the peacefully sleeping children, you couldn't help but feel a sense of hope and contentment, knowing that you had a wonderful friend like Seonghwa and a loving husband like Hongjoong to share in your dreams and joys, both in the classroom and beyond.

"Wait till I tell the rest about your baby plans this weekend," You scoffed, slapping him playfully on the arm, "Fine, then don't come crying to me when Wooyoung fights you for the godfather position."

Seonghwa pouts, realising you were right.

Weekends became a cherished time for you and your friends to reunite. The guys of Stray Kids, Soyeon and her girls, and all those who had stood by your side during the darkest days of the zombie apocalypse continued to be a tight-knit family.

You'd all make sure to gather every weekend to share stories, laughter, and hope for a better tomorrow.

As the months passed, a beautiful surprise came your way.

The soft rays of the morning sun filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow across your and Hongjoong's bedroom.

You lay in bed, a mixture of emotions swirling inside you, the pregnancy test clutched tightly in your hand. Anxiety and anticipation held you in their grip.

Your husband stirred beside you, his eyes fluttering open.

He turned to you, sleepiness still lingering in his gaze, but it quickly transformed into concern when he saw the test in your hand.

"What's wrong, baby?" He asked, his voice laced with worry.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. Without a word, you handed him the test. His eyes widened as he looked at it, his brow furrowing in confusion. Then realisation dawned on him and his expression shifted from puzzlement to sheer joy.

His gaze snapped up to meet yours and a wide smile broke across his face. He let out a joyous laugh and pulled you into a tight embrace, the pregnancy test falling to the sheets forgotten.

"We're going to have a baby!" He exclaimed, his voice filled with happiness.

Tears of relief and elation welled up in your eyes as you nestled your face into the space between his neck and shoulder, feeling the warmth of his love enveloping you. Hongjoong pressed a gentle kiss to the side of your head and his tears mingled with yours.

"This is everything we've fought for," He whispered, his voice choked with emotion, "A symbol of our love, our resilience, and our hope."

You nodded, unable to find words to express the overwhelming emotions coursing through you.

At that moment, you both knew that this child was a light in a world that had known darkness, proof of your unwavering love and your determination to protect the most precious things in life.

As you held onto each other, tears of joy streaming down your faces, you found comfort in the knowledge that the future was filled with promise and the beautiful anticipation of new life.

Your friends, who had become like family, were overjoyed to welcome a new member into their circle. They eagerly took on the roles of proud uncles and aunties, offering their support, guidance, and love.

As your pregnancy progressed, you and Hongjoong prepared to welcome your child into a world that, despite its scars, was filled with love, hope, and the promise of a brighter future.

Your journey together had been marked by resilience and you were determined to pass on that strength to the next generation.

In the midst of a healing world, with the music of Hongjoong and the nurturing care of a kindergarten teacher, you and your friends continued to thrive and find happiness, cherishing the gift of life and the enduring power of love.

Hope y'all liked Hongjoong's ending! Thank you for reading and as always, I'd love to hear all your thoughts so feel free to leave as many replies as you want! <3

Tag list: @aurasblue @tmtxtf @park-simphwa @sunnyhokyu @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @marievllr-abg @yayaistime @kibs-and-bits

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #hongjoong x you #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x you #seonghwa x reader #zombie apocalypse au #ateez fic #undying bonds

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aurora-313 · 6 months

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I've been openly critical of Thousand Year Blood War since its weekly manga release way back in late 2010s. It was so immemorable that I'd legitimately forgotten it, and by extension Bleach, existed until the announcement in 2022.

The revelations presented require so much backreading and contradicts earlier established facts, it make it difficult to tolerate. Interpersonal reveals reflect incredibly poorly on many characters, demonstrating in some cases outright negligent tendencies in their duty of care towards others and themselves.

(Masaki, Isshin, you don't have to tell him everything but its not hard to teach your god-child basic safety and the supernatural equivalent of 'don't run in oncoming traffic'. The fact neither did of you did, makes you damned irresponsible parents imo. Almost like your powers were retconned into existence without thinking through the rammifications, huh?).

The sum total of my issues are too numerous to mention but my biggest issue is theme of fate in Bleach; how it applies to Ichigo's desire for self-determination and how TYBW in particular gleefully pisses all over that.

While fate and destiny can be aspiring things, they are by definition traps. Confines. Set parameters that must be fulfilled. As a result two primary attitudes exist in response; one must rise to meet the occasion gloriously or defy it to forge one's own path (success varies).

Ichigo's opinion has always fallen into the latter category.

Ichigo wanted to destroy fate. Wanted to negate its unfairness. To remove its strangling shackles from his life and those he cares for. To quote:

If fate is a milestone, then we are the grist. There is nothing we can do. So I wish for strength. If I cannot protect them from the wheel, then give me a strong blade, and enough strength... to shatter fate.

In essence this is how Ichigo wants express his agency and self-determination, by protecting others. He wants to defend the downtrodden from the unfairness ugliness of reality. An agency he gains through obtaining Shinigami power from Rukia.

Or so he believes.

Problem is, every arc and especially TYBW exposes that theme as a total lie.

Whenever Ichigo believes he's expressing agency to combat whatever ill fortunate awaits those he wishes to protect, he is in fact playing into the hands of others.

He believes he's making an active choice to defend and guard and protect, but in reality Ichigo has never had a choice in anything, merely the illusion of one. Worst of all Ichigo never realizes most of his choices are illusions.

With every subsequent arc, the sad truth is that Ichigo is enslaved to fate. Shackled to its designs since the dawn of reality. Enchained by the literal gods and devils on his shoulder. At one point, fate even turns Ichigo's own body against him as his Quincy blood forces him to slay the previous Soul King.

In his drive to break fate's confines, Ichigo becomes its ultimate poster boy and enforcer.

But in a sad yet classic prophetic twist; Ichigo believes he's actively fighting an unfair destiny.

A destiny written by the Soul King's Almighty eons ago.

In a word, the Almighty is omniscience. First held by the Soul King and later Yhwach.

Conceptually, omniscience and free will cannot co-exist. The world is self-determination or pre-destination. There's no middle ground.

This in mind; the Soul King knew precisely how he would die. He knew a Shiba scion would eventually gain the power to release him from his torment eons upon eons after his sealing under the compulsion of Yhwach's Quincy blood, then slay Yhwach to replace him.

In other words, Ichigo's desire for self-determination was the greatest lie of this story. His every action and reaction were predicted and cemented since the dawn of time. Taken to its logical extreme, Ichigo arguably had no free will at all (absolutely fitting because he reads like a damn automaton in the last arc). He's a pre-programmed organic robot blindly following the path set before him by his creators, there's no error codes (ie. questions or hesitations) because his programmers told him exactly the right command prompts to set him loose.

And almost as the ultimate spit in the face for Ichigo's futile wish for agency in his own fate? Yhwach curses him in the end. Cursed Ichigo with a prophesy that at the moment of his greatest happiness, Yhwach will return to crush it to dust.

Meaning Ichigo is now destined to carry that curse for the rest of his days, his days as a human, his days as a soul, possibly even after his soul death and winding up in hell.

By the avatar of fate's own command, Ichigo is never permitted to find true happiness again.

Which actually rather neatly explains why Ichigo seemingly retired from shinigami work after the war concluded. And a rather damning indication of his marriage to Orihime and his own son.

When is Ichigo at his happiest? When he's engaged with the spirit world. What's he done in the ten year timeskip? Cut himself off from the spirit world. When does Yhwach show up again? The first time Ichigo engages with the spirit world after ten long years.

All told, its a rather tragic tale, isn't it?

Then again, I suppose that could be Kubo's intention. The more Ichigo tries to fight fate, the more fate bitch slaps him and tells him 'get back in your lane.' And Ichigo, after years of being thoroughly defanged, bows his head and obeys.

If that's so, then I congratulate him on delivering such a tragic despair-filled message.

#everything after Soul Society's complete bullshit anyway #bleach #ichigo kurosaki #yhwach #soul king #fate #anti tybw #anti bleach ending

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angstics · 1 year

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inspired by this post by @ephedrineshot:

and they still goin. real interesting how much negativity towards mcr at their come-up had to mention the theatricality and make-up (Several times). interesting because this is the beginning of the mainstream's "we're okay with gays now" era. par exemple: mcr was criticized for using "gay shock factor", which was apparently soo 90s -- said while prop 8 was being voted into law. some critics pretended the band was simply Too much -- operatic, overzealous, ineffective. this way, they avoid the base fact of being uncomfortable with feminine men in make-up, or homoerotic music / performance, or interest in stereotypically gay art like theatre + fashion.

this is a thing straight people do - camping the uncamp to ignore its seriousness. what parts of mcr are camp is debatable (to me, it's the alter egos, some songs like sing, the androgyny). but the entire band is not a camp object. using susan sontag's notes, the object has to be very earnest about a message that fails to reach the audience. it has to be self-involved to the point the style supersedes the meaning. though mcr has an extraordinary mission that should've failed and made it into a proper camp object, they succeeded. they were instant flames with a major label debut in 2 years. the work is taken seriously -- from the themes of mental illness and religious guilt to the complexity of the music. the most common accolade given to my chem is "this band saved my life". proven by the success of the return tour and foundations of decay, mcr accessed a huge audience that wouldnt have been interested in them if just for their aesthetics -- which in turn made them special as the mainstream band with style.

camp objects are either assigned as camp (like hollywood stars) or created as camp works (like john waters' films). if there is a circle of "camp aficionados", then its membrane cannot be penetrated. it can only reach out. which is to say: people who like camp choose what's camp. at the same time, self-aware camp objects do not seek out people uninterested in camp. which is to say: aware camp does not try to go mainstream (ryan murphy tv is lackluster for trying). camp is essentially an intellectual genre (sontag also talks about this). aficionados pride the work on being expressionist, referential, cultured. even when the naive camp object is mainstream, the quality of camp is a hidden gem for people "in the know".

to better understand my point, here's an argument for a camp aspect of mcr. the band's androgyny was misunderstood into obscurity to the point of being campy. while researching contemporary attitudes during the first era (articles, online posts, essays), i didnt find any indication that audiences understood the purposeful nonconformity of their looks. observations did not go beyond "gerard way looks like christina ricci" -- a focus on style over meaning. the greatest impact was the mcr-pioneered emo style inspiring male / nonbinary / trans / gnc people to dress femininely. perhaps fueled by gerard's post-break up conversations on gender, one of the most celebrated aspects of the band TODAY is the gender nonconformity. the rolling stone describes their first 2022 performance (may 16, at eden sessions) as "an understanding of what emo always was as a subgenre and cultural movement, and is now appreciated for being – a camp and feminine enterprise" (source). i am choosing to interpret this quote as describing the emo aspect of my chem, opposed to limiting the band to the single emo label. in that sense, this quote is a revelation in past and present existences converging as misunderstandings of genderqueerness are reconciled. the campiness is assigned today by people who recognize this under-represented aspect of the band -- camp aficionados.

to end of, theatre is not inherently camp. neither is homosexuality. nor is the sole state of being grand, stylish, or loud. the intent and result of the work has to be examined for the assignment to make sense. you've already failed if you use "camp" as an insult. but if the assignment also doesnt make sense, then you're purposefully using "camp" as shorthand for "i dont want to engage with queer junk". you've failed as both an intellectual critic and decent person.

aside: gay people often misuse "camp" to mean "fun". this is fine because i love gay people. we also pioneered the term. who's to say this isnt a hidden meaning... camping camp...

#mcr #mcr queer studies #qessay #very obvious i do not write often. still i try

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nivenus · 1 year

Text

I just saw Avatar for the first time since it was in theaters 13 years ago. Some quick thoughts.

1) The CGI (mostly) still holds up. Aside from one sequence near the beginning, I don't think you can really tell this was made more than a decade ago. That's pretty damn impressive since CGI often ages poorly.

2) It's a better film that I gave it credit at the time though it's still quite flawed in some ways (more on that in a bit). But after a decade non stop of Marvel, DC, and Star Wars as the dominant box office brands it stands out a lot more and feels a lot more original.

3) It's hard not to perceive part of the backlash against the film among nerds (which I think the success of Way of Water has shown did not reach into the mainstream) comes from the fact that this film makes the Colonial Marines from Aliens the bad guys. Unequivocally. As someone who thought the Marines were never the most interesting part of Alien or its imitators that doesn't bother me as much.

4) I think another reason people (myself included) backlashed against the movie is that it is overwhelmingly, heart achingly sincere. There is not a sarcastic or self-mocking bone in Avatar's body. Everything it does is done with deliberate, open hearted purpose and frankly a lot of us nerds are uncomfortable with that! But again, after a decade of films aping the wink wink wisecracking of 2012's Avengers, one might argue Avatar's bleeding heart is actually a major plus in its favor.

5) That being said, it's not flawless and one bit of criticism from 2009 remains quite relevant: the film, while unequivocally anti-colonialist, is made with an entirely white lens. The Na'vi are the good guys, yes, but with the exception of Neytiri (and only barely to be honest), they're never the *heroes*. The greatest ass kicking moments, the greatest triumphs and heartbreaking moments belong not to them but to the humans like Jake, Grace, Norm, and Trudy. The Na'vi are sympathetic, but we don't see anything from their point of view: they're accessories to the human characters' emotional journey.

6) That being said, if this was the first movie you saw about colonialism I think you'd be hard pressed to come away from it thinking that was a *good* thing. Cameron is not the least bit subtle about painting Quaritch and RDA as the bad guys nor about drawing comparisons between them and not only historical colonizers but the modern U.S. military (see point 3).

7) One thing I appreciate a lot more now than I did in 2009 is the sheer volume and quality of worldbuilding. It's clear this was a passion project for Cameron and he put every bit of detail he could cram in. It's also a very notable early example of a conlang that isn't either Tolkien or Klingon.

8) Lastly, the movie struck me as faintly religious which is interesting. I don't believe Cameron belongs to any religion but it struck me that Eywa very much represents an idea he would like to believe is true, even if he doesn't actually believe in it.

Anyhow, I might do a more detailed analysis after I watch Way of Water, but for now I'll end by saying Avatar remains a complicated but very well made movie, with a good message muddled somewhat by an exoticizing lens.

#avatar #james cameron #way of water #film retrospectives

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halfmoondaze · 1 year

Text

On The Road

Series Masterlist

author's note: this fic was based concept@iguessweallcrazyithinktho came up with; and its going to be part of a series. Let me know if y'all like it and if you have any suggestions on what you'd like to see in this upcoming series let me know 🤍

As you walked around the empty arena, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. This was all you ever wanted, and this moment felt unreal.

“First show babes”

You jumped at the sudden voice behind you, that was Camille, your best friend.

“Oh my gosh, you scared me” you said laughing.

“I’m sorry” she said hugging you. “I just wanted to say how proud I am of how far you’ve come”

“Thanks” you said smiling.

“Your first joined tour!” she squealed in excitement.

You squealed in excitement, in response and started jumping around with her.

Y/N started writing her own songs at the age of 7, and by 10, she taught herself how to play guitar. When she was 17, she started uploading covers of her favorite songs on her YouTube channel; and by the age of 20, she switched to Tik Tok where she would upload original songs.

A year later, she released her song “Olvidate De Mi”, which she wrote herself and recorded with a friend while in her freshman year of college with the help of a friend. Then she uploaded the song to her Tik Tok, and the song became an overnight success.

In less than a month, she got contacted by different record labels and ended up signing with a small independent music label called Crimson Records.

Now, four months followed the release of her album “Efecto Mariposa” and the announcement of her joining Jack Harlow on tour and now it was finally here.

At that moment, your manager Marc started walking towards you.

“Y/N, there you are, there is someone who wants to meet you” he said.

Something you would never get tired of is meeting your fans, and just thinking about the fact that you have fans just feels unreal. Marc started walking with you following along, to the dressing rooms, with your assistant Avrey and Camille.

“Right here” he said once you all stopped in front of an unoccupied dressing room.

“Ok”

You opened the door.

“Hi” you said in a sweet tone of voice as you slightly opened the door, but quickly stopped yourself at the sight of the other person at the other side of the door.

You started walking away, while Camille, Marc, and Avrey quietly laughed at the whole interaction.

At that moment, Jack Harlow walked out of the dressing room into the hallway and started walking over to you with the most charming smile and kind eyes.

“Hi” he said smiling at you.

“Hey” you said trying to contain your nerves and excitement.

“It’s good to see you” he said leaning in for a hug.

“I’m sorry to bother you” you said shyly hugging him back still starstruck by his presence.

“You're not bothering me at all. I'm happy to be here” he said while embracing you. “How you doing?”

“Good. I was at your L.A. show and It was really good. I love your music”

“You know how to make a man smile for sure” he said with a cocky smile.

“Oh stop it” you said laughing.

You and Jack chatted for a while until he excused himself to carry on with his busy schedule.

“Alright, it was nice meeting you” he said hugging you again.

“You too” you said hugging him back.

“Love ya, bye” he said before he left.

After that, you went back to your dressing room with Avrey and Camille following you along as they giggled at the whole interaction.

“Did that just happen?” you said blushing while covering your face as soon as you entered back your dressing room.

“That was honestly the greatest reaction I’ve ever seen, because you walked in and you were like” Camille said, then she started mimicking your voice. “Hi, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god”

Everyone started laughing.

“That’s because you said it was a fan” you said laughing.

“It was really cute” Avrey added.

“Oh my God” you said as it all started to sink in. “He is really handsome”

“He is” Avrey and Camille agreed laughing.

Taglist

@heavyhitterheaux

@yamahex

@harlowsbby

@harlowcomehome

@jackharloww

@harlowsbby

@carma-fanficaddict

@msliz

@baxteravenue

@kentuckyboyharlow

@yonduismarrypoppins

@rina-writes

@kalaharlow

@jacks-cafe

@ogfangirl

Taglist

@heavyhitterheaux

@yamahex

@jackharloww

@harlowsbby

@carma-fanficaddict

@msliz

@baxteravenue

@kentuckyboyharlow

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year2000electronics · 6 months

Note

Hi, just being curious, what do you think is the greatest difficulty you’ve faced carrying out the storyline in your ask blogs (aside from potential burnout)?

Is there any time where the asks were not going towards the direction where you’d want them to go, and how did you steer the story back on track?

Do you have any techniques giving out clues or keeping the pace of the ask blog?

[sorry these are a lot. Of questions. It’s just, it’s amazing how you are able to run multiple successful askblogs, and I’m curious how you did it]

OOOH THESE ARE SOME INTERESTING QUESTIONS! really pickin at my old noggin here...

id say probably the most difficult part is like... ok through my tenure ive obviously had some physically taxing moments, moments of people being way too mean, people being way too NICE, people complaining that every single member of a giant ensemble cast doesnt get the exact same amount of screentime etc etc, but id honestly say the hardest part is just. making the medium Work. when i run an ask blog like this, im basically asking people to drive the story forward with no promise of whether their choices even like. Matter. if youre not tethered enough to your asks, it can feel like youre just asking people to put a coin in the slot and letting the story play for another page. you have to play this balancing act of wanting to tell the story you want to tell while also needing peoples' help to get there. thats why an engaging story and endearing characters are so important. i wound up telling people here on my main that y2k would end with a good ending specifically because i got people concerned i genuinely would end it with a Bad End, but still even knowing that people would tune in. so its like. i always have to make sure its Engaging enough. for people to be willing to play this game with me at all. the hardest part of fishing is getting the fish to bite yk.

2. YES ALL THE TIME LOLLLL a lot of the time i will end up either picking an ask from before the topic came up and answer that one, or plant my own decoy ask. basically jingling keys at people HJSSKHASGK. but sometimes even that doesnt work! benrey in y2k has a very touchy complex about his helmet specifically because I DIDNT HAVE SPRITES WITH HIS HAIR. and i thought that his hair was kinda boring compared to what people were probably expecting (its very short and simple i draw his hair like bootleg barney) so i ended up having to answer that little thread by having an explosion and then presenting my own resolution (gordon calm him down :)) i like to think ive gotten better at key jingling though haha. usually the two types of key jingling topics i find work best are either little plot teases or a 'now back to what we were doing' ask, but if you dont want things to advance quite yet, i usually use questions that will elaborate on a character trait or introduce a new character fact

3. dont be me. /j ok actually the thing about this specific medium is like. people will send me asks guessing my twists WAAAAY early on but the thing is i can just. choose not to answer them. hehe. id personally pay attention to how often people are guessing your twists though because like. its BOUND to happen if you lay out clues some people will pick up on them. if theres not a lot of people guessing, then you can lean more into the big sting reveals of like 'NOOOOBODY EXPECTED THIS' but when a lot of people have guessed the twist, i usually make sure to present it in a way that doesnt imply that there was nobody on the right trail or that people got bamboozled. as for the clues themselves. well im about to figure that out myself again! i have some clues i need to lay in bmfe!! dont get discouraged if people pick up on what you thought was really subtle, cos like. literal day 1 of episode 3 someone literally made a powerpoint saying 'LEADING LIGHT IS BACK' and i was like ok i was just on my first crumb DAMN. as for pacing, it doesnt matter if you get the blog done in one month or one year- what does matter is PLANNING. if you know what your goal is, what your landmarks and checkpoints are, youll be able to stagger stuff successfully no matter the length. some of the best-recieved parts of y2kvr were parts i went into the session going 'this is my goal for today' for. the goals dont even have to big, it could even be something as small as like 'get from place a to place b'

SORRY THIS GOT LONG but ty for the question! reflecting on my process is interesting :]

#mothra answers

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soyouareandrewdobson · 6 months

Text

Nintendo-vember Level 4: a last minute birthday special and opinion on Zelda

Okay so before I start this post, I should admit that I initially intented to post this one only in a couple of days, to let the previous entry settle down a bit. But as some anon made me realize, today on November 21th is actually the 25th anniversary of Ocarina of Time.

I am not going to let this chance go to waste. So enjoy this entry.

youtube

Following the Localization comic and me giving the claims of Dobson a bit of a verbal beatdown, I decided out of a certain (biased) nostalgia for the Ocarina of Time, to dive in a bit further into Dobson’s genuine disdain for the game.

For a start, I take some clues from “thehypocrisyofandrewdobson” and just point to those little posts Dobson made in regard of one videogame, that not only fans but (as I want to show later) some of the biggest game developers ever have cited as being one of the greatest ever made.

So what is it? Is it your favorite game on the N64 or an absolute pile of shit? I also find it very telling, that Dobson doesn’t give a damn about story and only visuals, at least according to the tweet.

And before you ask, no, I don’t think Shadow of the Collosus is a bad game because “it’s not Zelda” or something. I actually agree with Dobson that it is a visually stunning game. In addition it manages to tell a rather tragic and poignant tale with only minimalistic story techniques and has quite some unique platforming elements and ingenuity in order to defeat the titular creatures. But you know what is also funny? The director of the game, Fumito Ueda, cited Ocarina of Time as a major inspiration and influence of the style of the game

As did other game creators, at least according to Wikipedia. And who wouldn’t believe it? After all, OoT among other things was one of the first games back in the day to include a target lock system for fighting enemies in a 3D-environment, making it as such something of a breakthrough when many other game developers truly fumbled with the jump from a 2D environment into a proper 3D one. Not just that, it was also one of the most successful game sales of its time. The N64 version alone sold over 7.6 million copies world wide. All while also being one of the most re-released Nintendo games ever, having gotten releases on the Gamecube and a graphically updated one on the 3DS.

Anything else I want to say about OoT I want however to contextualize in the “analysis” of the following two comics made by Dobson. One SYAC related, one just Dobson whining about the things that in his opinion make OoT a terrible or great game, depending on whatever mood he has right now.

This one is just one of Dobson’s earliest SYAC comics, in which quite frankly, all he does is bemoan the fact that people hate him for his “silly” takes on things. Flying eyebrows included. Which if you are even slightly familiar with Dobson is kinda bullshit. After all, his “silly takes” and opinions included among other things bemoaning the whole of anime being garbage because he fell out of love for it and the fact people called his work derivative of anime comedy tropes of the 80s and 90s. Or outside of just his comics openly attacking fans of stuff he didn’t enjoy rather blatantly.

There is also another “funny” thing about the comic. The blond guy (one of the few blonds not demonized by Dobson through his artwork) is pointing at the Holiday comic as one example he is confused people got angry about when it comes to Dobson

The thing is, I myself can understand people calling the comic crap without genuinely being offended about the “Christmas” and Holiday thing. For starters, Danny is a genuine asshole here to the old lady, who hasn’t done anything wrong then to wish him a good time, by essentially making her believe that she did an accidental racism by saying “Merry Christmas” instead of being sensible and assume he is jewish. In addition, you could argue that Danny is doing something inappropriate too by claiming to be of another religion than he truly is, to exploit the privilege connected to it to shame someone.

Lastly, it is hilarious how Dobson wants to “stand up” for non Christians on the holidays, when people at this point likely knew of the Channukah incident, that happened a few years BEFORE the comic was published

But again, I digress. Anyway, Dobson’s choice of the topic of OoT is in my opinion more than deliberate, even if Dobson claims that the only reason he did so was, because the comic is partly based on real events.

I get the feeling that was not really all that happened, because who in their right mind would not try to elaborate on their point. And even if the person in question just yelled at Dobson and then moved away, the strawman argument the (of course) uglified strawman nerd makes in the comic is not entirely wrong.

Look, say about OoT whatever you will. Perhaps it is not the best (Zelda) game ever (cause what accounts for “the greatest game ever” in a series or in general is partly based a lot on personal bias as well as the point in time it came out) but I think the following two things ring true:

At least storywise, it was a massive step up from previous Zelda games (especially the very first two of the NES days) and to a degree held the title of the “most complex” storydriven and “technically less flawed” Zelda compared to some other games that followed in the series for quite a few years. At least Wind Waker based on what I heard (haven’t played it yet, sorry) had a few flaws like the sailing and fishing for items mechanic that nudged the game down a bit, despite how many people consider it a great game in the franchise now. Twilight Princess was widely considered a spiritual successor to Ocarina, but some people complained about a too dark presentation or were even annoyed about Midna. And Skyward Sword’s original controls and the entire thing about Demise hasn’t sit too well with some people either. Mind you, this doesn’t mean I think the games are crap and Twilight Princess is in fact one I want to revisit soon again, now that I am in the mood thanks to the review.

The second thing, it did have a massive impact on the Zelda franchise. Many of the things that kinda make the world of Hyrule way more fleshed out and as such contribute to the fun of the games, found their roots in the game. Things Dobson btw may claim to enjoy in Breath of the Wild, but as evident by that comic I now present hates.

And in order to make my point, I combine what those elements are, while also dissecting the comic that is the true main point of this entire post, panel by panel

First, the “derpy Goron” thing. So, you don’t like the Gorons? Okay, fine, you do you. But why is your idea to show why you think they suck to give them derp-face and portray them as “dumb? Sure, they are simple minded in a manner in the game, but not like that?

If anything, Dobson’s choice of facial expression and the “DUH” implies that he wants to use the word retarted to describe them. Which you know, kinda offensive. And also hypocritical, as Dobson would show down the line in life that just even the word “derpy” to use to describe a character, would in his mind be problematic.

As evident by the following MLP related posts provided by Hypocrisy, that show his dA journal expressed opinion on the Derpy Hooves controversy of 2012

In addition, hating the Gorons? Why? I admit, I did not think too much of Goron City as a location. It is a cave system in form of a hole in the ground, inside a mountain. Not very much to see there, but that was in regard to the technical limitations of the time. As a species however, I like them. Some of them are just simple minded, but kind creatures, but then you also have a badass like Darunia, who even becomes your brother in blood after you save the species from starvation. They are to me kinda like the Zelda version of the trolls in Discworld, elemental creatures that can also be funny but badass. In addition, traveling through territory leads to encountering some of the best dungeons in the game. Including the dungeon in Death Mountain, where you have to fight a dragon with a sledgehammer.

Nintendo's original GigaChad

Lastly, the Gorons would help to flesh out the world of Hyrule significantly, by introducing one of the first non human/elfish and yet intelligent species in the entire franchise. Till then, most of the time when you interacted in a Zelda game with an NPC able to talk, it was some other Hyrulian phenotypical to Link. Creatures such as Goblins or Lynel were only minions to Ganondorf. The Gorons, Zoras and Gerudos are the first major species with their own additional culture and kingdoms in the land of Hyrule and they got introduced in this game and further developed in other games.

Heck, Darunia is actually even something of a callback, as he is named after a town in the second Legend of Zelda game for the NES. You know, the sort of games Dobson worshipped.

Ganon(dorf) not being a pig Yeah. And that is a good thing.

Frankly, when OoT came out, most people assumed it to be a “prequel” to A Link to the Past from the SNES, because in this game Ganon isn’t yet in a boar demon form and goes by the name of Ganondorf. And they thought it was awesome. After all, A Link to the Past was a great game for many, and this implied that through OoT we get the “backstory” of this game, by diving into the very conflict that sealed away the Golden Land and resulted in a thief becoming the King of Evil. And we did… kinda.

Ignoring the Zelda timeline branching out more than Dobson ever did in his artistic growth, for quite some time it really came off like this game was a prequel to the SNES game. But not just that, it expanded on the Zelda myth and in doing so also on Ganon, which was more than a good thing.

Let us be real here: Ganon until that point was a boring boar. He simply was a fat blueish boar demon sitting with his thumbs up his ass in the final dungeon till you came along and finished him off with the sword or the silver arrows. Of all the four main Zelda games that existed by Nintendo up until that point, he only showed up in two.

The thing on the left is supposed to be the true embodiment of evil? Oracle games Ganon on the right was better than that!

Sure, he was the main antagonist and supposed mastermind behind everything in the first Zelda and A Link to the Past, but he had no real presence in the game. He wasn’t like let’s say Kefka in Final Fantasy 6, who showed up early on and became a constant thorn in the side for the heroes over the course of the game or the narrative till we were meant to fight him.

Ganondorf rectified that. In OoT, he was an active threat from the get go. Having assured that the Deku Tree would be infected by a deadly parasite, almost starving the Gorons to death, infecting the patron of the Zoras with another creature before the adventure of Link even began. And once he got IN story the triforce of power after essentially taking advantage that those dumb kids tried to stop him in order to enter the sacred realm… HOLY SHIT did things turn dark. Now Hyrule was ruled by a genuine king of evil.

The great kingdom we travelled before in search of three gemstones being turned into a wasteland and everyone we started to care for suffering in one way or another. We had more urgency, because the way the story had handled Ganondorf up until that point, made defeating him way more personal than in prior games. We didn’t just get a final baddie to fight to wrap things up, we saw the rise and fall of evil. Not to forget, his boss battle, with the castle falling apart and then the final battle in which Ganondorf finally snaps and takes on a demonic beastform… I have to say, playing that as a kid felt way more epic than the way it was presented in prior games.

The game essentially abandoned Ganon’s beastial cartoonish look and shallow final boss presence from previous games, to reinvent him as one of the greatest videogame villains of all time. This game establishes him as a determined, malicious and highly cunning villain in search of ultimate power, with his own backstory and origin to booth and laid the groundwork for his presentation in every game afterwards. Be it the old, more regal but still utterly mad man who wants to make Hyrule resurface from the sea in Wind Waker, the semi immortal manipulator in the shadows in Twilight Princess or the usurper and semi demon god in the Breath of the Wild continuity, who even in death is an utter menace thanks to his miasma overflowing the kingdom like some eldritch horror.

You know how they say that a villain is at times only as good as his best villains? Ganondorf is that example for the entire Zelda franchise, if not the entire Nintendo canon. As evident by the fact, that fans and even the main company alike think, that in any form of villainous team up he would be the true leader among the group.

The timeline branching Okay, I kinda agree with Dobson, the timeline branching really is an issue with that franchise. But none I would blame OoT for.

Timeline according to the Hyrule Historia post Skyward Sword but BEFORE the Breath of the Wild

To me it is like that: The timeline branching is a problem that first genuinely surfaced in the wake of Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, as prior to those games you could, even as a casual Zelda player, kinda put the games into a certain chronological order, even if the games themselves were NOT released as such.

Like to me OoT was the first game, followed by Majora’s Mask, then a new Link fought Ganon along in A Link to the Past, the Oracle games and Link’s Awakening, before the NES games had the final incarnation of Link get rid of Ganon for good. Either that or you ignored the NES games and considered everything from Wind Waker on a reboot.

But I digress. To me, OoT can’t be blamed for the timeline branching (nonsense), because the game itself did not attempt to “branch” the timeline. That is something other people, the game developers of future installments started to do, all while just saying OoT should be the point of divergence because it is chronologically the first game with time travel shenanigans.

Blaming it, is like blaming the great grandparents of Jeffrey Dahmer for his murders, because by reproducing and bringing one of his grandparents into the world, the existence of that monster was guaranteed.

On another note, Dobson also genuinely thought the Zelda games should only follow ONE Link for all eternity, instead of reincarnations or alternate versions. Which I guess may be linked to some autistic desire for conformity.

Sidekicks Oh, you are one of those people!

Frankly, I never got the hate Navi gets. I admit that her “hey listen” can get annoying over time, but as far as I know, this has been more of an issue in the American release of the game, than in the PAL version. Or at least I never got the impression she was that annoying. But frankly, she had way more positive functions as a “device” in the game to me, than anything. Plus, I can think of worse sidekicks in the series interrupting the flow of the game.

Navi has been criticized by some people in the fandom so hard, at this point it isn’t fair criticism in my opinion as much as it is blatant character bashing.

Also, complaining about annoying sidekick characters and how they are dumb?

Dobson is the last person online to do just that.

Fans Yeah, how dare people have fun with a videogame, that may have also impacted in a positive manner how they think of the medium overall.

I will say this: Yeah, overzealous fans in any fandom are annoying and I actually agree with Dobson on the notion that even if you love something, you should also look at it once in a while with a critical or neutral eye. Admit for example if something has flawed, but also try to explain why these flaws make it good in your opinion e.g.

However, two things work against Dobson’s point.

First, I think that overzealous hatred for something is even worse than overzealous joy.

Second, like with his hatred for sidekicks, Dobson is one of the last people on the planet to get mad at people being fans of anything to an extreme degree, when he himself has shown rather unhealthy fan behavior. Be it by hating George Lucas for the Star Wars prequels…

Obsessing over KorraSami to the point of it overshadowing the actual show…

Or spending more than 500 hours on Zelda Breath of the Wild in only 7 sessions

Now in his defense, spending hundreds of hours in an open world videogame is not the problem. But 568 hours in seven sessions? That amounts to an average of 78,2 hours per session. So either Dobson let the console run while he was busy doing other stuff (though I doubt they included actually drawing comics) and in doing so wasted precious electricity or he is a severe game addict.

The Zora redesign Again, I don’t get the problem. Zora’s in “A Link to the Past” were pretty much just mindless random monsters. This game established them as a sophisticated species and independent kingdom. And while Princess Ruto could be annoying and the Water Temple was so frustrating, I spend months not playing the game because I was stuck in it, I think the Rutos were a great addition to the game and the series as a whole.

Again, the world of Hyrule wouldn’t be as colorful and interesting, if it hadn’t been further fleshed out by the addition of non-elfish species and kingdoms/tribes. This game learnt to walk, so that Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom could essentially run.

I think the only reason Dobson hated them was, because he thought them being turned humanoid turns others into furries. Granted, I can kinda understand why someone would go Troy McLure based on that design…

But I think the designs of later games are even more detailed.

Heck, if I ever find out that he claimed for Breath of the Wild or some other game, that the Rutos are amazing and he always loved them, I will laugh my ass off at the hypocrisy. Before punching him in the face while smiling like Sidon

Oh and I will admit freely, that I love Sidon and his sister, even if my current main expossure to them is via Hyrule Warriors- Age of Calamity. Cause god dang it, those two siblings deserve a happy end, even if it is just in an alternate timeline.

Moving on...

Empty Fields

I will say this: Yeah, the Hyrule Field is my least favorite location of the entire game. It is just a huge grassy plane connecting the different more intriguing locations of the kingdom and before you get Epona or the songs to teleport to the different temples and dungeons, traveling across it can be rather annoying. But if walking around terrain without doing much is such a problem to Dobson, why exactly does he enjoy Breath of the Wild again, as it does involve a lot of travelling around vast space too? Granted, it is at least space with interesting scenery and great battles against minor yet dangerous monsters, but it’s the principal that counts for me here. Not to forget, walking around an overworld map that is kinda empty or devoid of much has been a stable for many games. Including great ones, wherein the lack of action, but the presence of a great atmosphere, helps to sell the game’s atmosphere. Including Shadow of the Collosus, which Dobson claims to love. Btw, if Dobson hates dungeons in Zelda, why isn’t he lapping up the actual overworld?

And this btw is only the second most annoying nitpick in the comic if you ask me. Cause the most annoying comes of course now

LINK IS BLOND! Again, like I asked in the last post, what is it with Link having a lighter hair color now than before, that makes Dobson channel his inner Chris Chan here? Link being blond is essentially what Sonic’s arms are to the internet’s most famous motherfucker. I just get the impression that Dobson genuinely believes the stereotype of blond people being dumb or at the very least “nasty” as the face Link makes in the panel also is kinda one reserved for genuine douchebags. Smug, slightly arrogant, as if he is going to give someone a swirly.

Heck, Dobson’s asshole level smugness about Link’s hair color has not only been more or less the reason for an entire comic complaining about it to exist…

If he could, he drew the character as often with brown hair as he could.

Frankly, I am more concerned about how Dobson’s interpretation of Link looks more like Link’s mother fucked a troll doll (something about the nose in most Link drawings by Dobbear give the impression to me) than anything from the genuine games. Like for someone who considers himself an artist, his own art doesn't really manage to capture what Link is supposed to be (End part 1/2. Second part uploaded in a minute because of a problem regarding the uploading of pics)

#andrew dobson #zelda #legend of korra #legend of zelda ocarina #ocarina of time #ruto #so you are andrew dobson #tom preston #syac #nintendo vember #nintendo #Youtube

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hackerqueen · 1 year

Text

Without you

A short story about Richy's funeral and how MC is coping after the mine fire.

warnings: mention JakexMC, mental breakdown, slight sexual abuse

I stared blankly at the group of people standing in front of me. Nothing caught my attention, all the colors washed into one, and time didn't seem to pass at all. He stopped, but already a week ago. A week ago when I first heard the "MC, the mine blew up. They found a man's body." My cheeks were dry because I wasn't crying anymore. It seemed to me that I got rid of all the water from my body that I had in me.

And when the bronze coffin was lowered into the deep grave, I heard something that I will never forget for the rest of my life. I heard a loud sob that was similar to the moan of a wounded animal that is fighting with all its might to survive. I looked towards the sound and saw a red-haired girl who was clutched by a taller and bigger bearded man. I tensed my whole body and face to stay in place so as not to walk over to her and take her in my arms. Jessy's fregile body trembled with spasms of desperate crying as Dan tried to hold her still. My Jessy, who I always associated with smile, warmth and determination, was now the definition of surrender. And that broke me the most, because why was fate so cruel that it took away even the greatest ray of happiness we had left?

The coffin fell down and was covered with earth. People will remember him as a cheerful and playful mechanic who could always make you feel better. I wasn't sure how I would remember him. Right now, it was just a taste of betrayal I had never experienced before.

My arms were folded over my chest, I stood there with a stony face as my mind stormed. No, it was a typhoon. Murderous and merciless. All I wanted was to silence all these thoughts and go to sleep. To be unaware of all the fuss and chaos for at least one hour. One hour of peace, is that much? But my brain wouldn't give up. It still flooded me with thoughts and anxiety. Jake. What has become of him? Did he die in the mine, and if so, where was his body? If he got away, did the FBI catch him? And they did, I was sure of it. Did they just kill him? Or worse, were they torturing him? I was replaying our last conversation. I love you. He confessed it to me. He actually told me he loved me and I replied the same to him. God, I would give anything to turn back time and stop him from saying those words. Maybe then it would hurt less.

My God, I would give anything to turn back time, get my way and go into that mine alone instead of letting him go there. He wasn't supposed to die there.

– So you showed up.

I turned to a female voice I didn't know yet. However, I immediately recognized the woman standing in front of me. Missing Hannah Donfort stood before me as if nothing had happened.

– Hi, Hannah. Nice to finally meet you. – I made an effort to be friendly but I honestly didn't feel like talking to either of them. Well, maybe except Jessy, because only she could understand what I felt at that moment. I felt a special bond between me, Jessy, and Richy. It wasn't a big deal, but it was ours. Our little something that gave me a certain sense of belonging to their group.I scanned the people around her.

Seeing them all was very strange and almost stressful, because our contact so far was only by phone. Thomas was standing next to her, giving me a not-so-pleasant look. In fact, he almost always had that look on his face, so I wasn't too concerned. After all, I didn't like him much after all the stupid things he'd done while looking for his girlfriend.

On the other side of her, I recognized her sister, Lilly. Our relationship was... dynamic. From a lot of hatred to a quite successful friendship, the only thing that separated us was solving the puzzle together with Jake. The blonde gave me a soft smile and I couldn't help but wonder if Jake's smile would be similar to hers? Did the color of her eyes resemble his? Did the warmth of her gaze even remotely reflect his? They were half siblings after all, they must have had something in common. Lilly seems to have sensed that I was thinking of a hacker because her face turned violently sad.

And behind them stood Dan, who was still hugging Jessy, but she wasn't crying anymore. The mascara had dried on her cheeks, and she stared at me with the same dull eyes that I had a dozen or so minutes ago. She stared at me and her eyes were so... alien. With one look from her, I understood that our first meeting would be without a smile and a warm hug.

– How dare you come here? – I was snapped out of watching the others by Hannah's sharp question. – Who invited you? What happened wasn't enough for you?

What the fuck?

– What are you talking about, Hannah? – I asked cautiously, my jaw clenching tight

– You think I don't know anything? I know Richy wanted you to come to him. Maybe if you'd done that instead of sending Jake there, they'd both still be alive!

I opened my eyes in amazement, and my blood suddenly began to boil. I looked at them all in disbelief to hear that it was some kind of bad joke, but they stood as they had been standing before. Lilly had her eyes fixed on the ground, Thomas continued to stare at me with his dull and unfavorable gaze, and Jessy, even though she was looking at me, I knew that her heart was somewhere else.

– You know shit. You don't know anything about what really happened, so don't accuse me. – I growled at her, losing patience. The girl I didn't know, and yet to whom I gave the last months of my life, made me mud, and the people I helped didn't even defend me with a single word.

– Oh yeah? So it wasn't like Richy wanted you to come to Duskwood and you agreed to let Jake go instead of you? – she asked in a venomous tone and I fell silent. Because basically that's exactly how it was. – It wasn't like you used him to save your own skin? It wasn't like you knew full well it could kill him and you still agreed to it? It wasn't like you let him die instead of you?

– Shut up. – I mumbled, but she didn't listen to me. She kept stabbing daggers into my bleeding heart. – I said, shut up!

I was breathing fast and my heart was beating mercilessly fast causing a sharp pain in my chest. Nobody interrupted her. They all think I'm the cause of Richy's death. Jake's death.

– And now you're boasting because you think he did it for you? – she asked and I felt myself falling apart. – Do you think he cared about you? He's only been using you the whole time to find me.

I stared at her not understanding a single word. One sentence from her and I knew she was still in love with the hacker. I glanced briefly at Lilly, who shook her head slightly. She did not know.

So why should I pretend I'm okay when I'm not? Should I allow myself to be treated this way by the person for whose search I gave all my strength?

– And you're still in love with the boy who blew you off. – I said dryly. – Hannah, tell me, don't you have at least a little respect not to start an argument in the cemetery right after we buried our friend?!

A dry snort escaped her lips.

– Don't make me laugh, MC. Just accept that you should never get involved in this. If you hadn't, our friends would still be alive.

Once again, surprise flashed across my face. She.. didn't know she sent them my number?

I had enough. It was her game that I wasn't going to play anymore. I moved forward, passing everyone I had called friends before.

– Before you start to accuse me again, ask them how it really was. Go ahead, ask Thomas why I got involved. Ask them how you ruined my life.

Lilly grabbed my hand, but I pulled away from her grip. I couldn't and didn't want to look at them. Not now and never in my life.

* * *

Crowd, sweaty bodies and alcohol. These three things accompanied me that evening. I didn't count the amount of high-proof liquors I drank. They were not colorful, light drinks, but pure vodka, which allowed me to forget faster. Get away from what happened. I danced, wiggling my hips, brushing against random people as neon and flickering lights illuminated my tired face.

At one point I swallowed some colored pills that were given to me - but I didn't care. At that moment, I would swallow anything that would give me a moment of solace. One minute I was dancing with a girl I didn't know, and the next I was pinned against the bathroom wall, kissed by an older man.

My body was sticky from alcohol, sweat and other unknown substances. I felt my hair tangled. At that moment, I only wanted one thing. Death. I wanted to cry. Oh god, I wanted to howl as loud as I could, but not even a single tear ran down my dead face. The man covered my skin with more wet kisses. He alternately drooled my cleavage, neck and shoulders, and I just stared blankly ahead and begged for someone to end it.

I don't know how, but I freed myself from the man's tight grip. Perhaps someone sent me a guardian angel, perhaps someone took pity on the girl who drank too much, and perhaps I regained some strength to oppose him. I didn't remember how I got to the motel room, but I only woke up when I ran into the bathroom. I didn't hesitate - I immediately staggered to the shower.

I clumsily opened the glass door of the cabin, and then my legs refused to obey. I fell onto the white paddling pool, bruising my knees painfully. I put my hands on the glass, trying to get air, but the harder I did, the more I was suffocating. My head throbbed and my body writhed in convulsions of pain. After turning on the tap with water, my hand fell, knocking most of the things off the shelf, making a loud bang. It wasn't important. Feeling the icy water pour over my burning body, I felt as if someone had given me life back.

I sighed, hanging my head, feeling my hair sticking more and more to my forehead. I don't even know when the water started mixing with my tears.

It wasn't like you let him die instead of you?

If you hadn't, our friends would still be alive.

She is right. You are disgustingly selfish. You should die there.

You couldn't handle it so you're off to drink and fuck with some old creep?

You should die there.

A soft, pitiful moan escaped my lips as more trickles began to run down my face. I clenched my trembling fingers against my thighs as hard as I could, crying louder and more wistfully. Nothing mattered to me. Not when I knew I had let the man I loved suffer for me. My lungs refused to obey me, and I felt such a piercing pain that I hadn't felt in a long time. I choked on my own saliva that landed on my chin and hands. At one point, I howled like a wounded animal because I couldn't control it anymore. It was like torture. I begged in my mind for it to end, but absolution never came.

Jake is dead because of you.

I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms around my waist, and screamed again, doubled over. My forehead touched the white paddling pool.

As if behind the fog, I heard someone opening the cabin door. I didn't open my eyes. I closed my eyes tighter when I felt a gentle squeeze on my shoulder, followed by a pleasant smell and warmth emanating from the other person.

– MC, calm down. – he whispered in a trembling voice right into my ear, his trembling fingers running through my wet hair. I pressed my forehead against the hard surface as hard as I could, almost breaking my nails from how hard I pressed them against my skin. – You are safe. I am with you.

– Jake? – I croaked

This voice was like the fulfillment of the most secret desires.

It took me a few long moments to come to my senses. I opened my eyes in an amok, but the vision was very blurry. I blinked slowly.

And when I didn't see anyone there, I felt like someone stab a dagger right through my heart, twirl it hard, then pull it out and leave me to bleed out.

"I've nothing without you

All my dreams and all the lights mean

Nothing without you"

Lana Del Rey

#duskwood jake #duskwood richy #duskwood #everbyte duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood game #duskwood jessy #duskwood jake x mc #jake duskwood #duskwood fandom

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