#but she is modeled after what was supposed to be 'the ideal type'

[tamelee]

What do you think about that cringey scene from the anime where hinata was saying naruto's name in different ways? And the ppl said she boosted the show's popularity especially among the guys just by doing that? I wish I hadn't seen it 🤢

Which one? (If it's a filler I don't remember.) All her scenes are filled with "N-naruto-kun's" and I don't think there's a single one that doesn't make me cringe 🤷🏻‍♀️

#asktamelee #hh talk #I don't think it was the Anime's popularity #but she is modeled after what was supposed to be 'the ideal type' #very deredere and teredere #which boosted the desire for the character #and her becoming Naruto's wife #think of that what you will though

[just-jordie-things]

I know he's not your favorite but consider... #73 with Itadori... short reader has a crush on him but is too afraid to confess bc she knows he likes tall girls lol I think this could be super cute

kiss prompt 73: height difference kisses where one person has to bend down and the other is on their tippy toes

a/n: first time writing for itadori !!! ___

if you had to think about it, you'd had a crush on itadori yuuji since the day you met him.

after getting a call from megumi where he'd begrudgingly asked for your help tracking down a cursed tool that some spooky-loving school club had snatched before he could, you hadn't expected things to take the turn they did.

as soon as you'd run into the pink haired boy, it was like a daze took hold of you. megumi honestly could have believe you'd been poisoned with how you stammered over your words and moved awkwardly. he'd never seen you so out of it when exorcizing curses. you were sloppy, defensive maneuvers delayed, offensive maneuvers... megumi would have gotten the job done better when he was ten, so, let's just leave it at that.

but nothing would have stopped itadori from eating that finger, and, well, we all know what happens from there.

you were surprised with how quickly he adapted to an entire world he'd never known the existence of. he was an avid learner, eager to train, eager to educate himself. he was always asking you questions that megumi found silly having grown up in jujutsu society, but you'd been happy to talk to him for hours about the ins and outs of it all. that was how your friendship began to blossom, you supposed.

it was easy to crush on yuuji. he was kind, handsome, silly, and had a warm energy about him that just drew you to him like a moth to a flame. even with your harbored feelings for him, being around him was easy, and comfortable. you'd only known him a few months, but the way he treated you made you feel like you'd been close friends for years.

however, due to how close you'd gotten, you were well aware that you were not his type. he'd joked a few times about how he liked tall girls like jennifer lawrence, and you didn't exactly meet that standard.

after he'd casually let that information slip, you found yourself comparing the height difference between you two more often. it was no shock that he was taller than you, you could remember the first time you'd met him you'd tilted your head back to stare up at him- your eyes had been blown wide like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. he'd just leapt through a window like it was nothing and fought alongside you like his entire reality hadn't just flipped upside down- but now that he'd made his ideal type clear, you'd frown when it would dawn on you that you were barely even an average height.

you'd stand up a little straighter when you were standing before him, but even still you'd tilt your chin so you could look at him properly. he'd noticed the sour expression on you a few times, but you always brushed it off as something else. it felt sort of childish to tell him that you were upset for not being taller.

it's one afternoon that you're out shopping with the other first years that you finally tell him the truth. not that you'd planned to, of course, you were ready to take this secret to the grave.

but you're wandering around with yuuji, half avoiding nobara who was on a rampage and throwing armfuls of clothes at megumi, and half looking at the display of silly hats. some of them were cute, but most of them were pokemon themed, or beanies with funny saying.

yuuji had excitedly picked up a fluffy pikachu hat, complete with the tall ears, and fluffy yellow flaps that hung down your face, ending in paw shaped pockets that you could stick your hands into. he was grinning as he turned to you to tug the hat over your head. you had half a mind to scold him for ruining what was a good hair day, but you keep it to yourself. he looked too happy to have you model the accessory for him.

and you'd thought it was cute, at first. then you take note of how he has to stoop over to reach your level in order to properly adjust the dorky hat, and you're made aware again of how short you are in comparison to him. of how small in general you are compared to him. his tall stature complete with broad shoulders and biceps that were starting to display how hard he'd been training himself- as appealing as he was to look at, you're frowning due to your own self pity.

and when he's done playing with the droopy ears on top of your head and sees the look on your face, he's frowning, too.

"what's wrong?" he asks, quietly, worriedly, like a good friend. "you don't hate pikachu, do you?"

it makes you laugh, even just a little bit, and yuuji gives you a small smile in relief that his joke worked to ease your sad expression, even just a little bit.

"no, it's not pikachu," you huff, pulling the hat off your head and placing it carefully back on the mannequin. "i'm just short"

his brow furrows, assuming at first that he'd heard you wrong, but when you don't say anything else and give him an awkward shrug, he realizes you're serious.

"so?" he asks, chuckling to himself. "what's so bad about that?"

you avoid his gaze while you pretend to take interest in the other hats on the wall, despite you not being a hat person, which he knows.

"it's pretty dumb" you say, running your fingers over a fluffy sylveon cap that was similar to the pikachu one.

"try me" yuuji smiles at you, leaning into the display to catch your attention again. his smile reaches his eyes, and he seems to genuinely hopeful to ease your foolish concern, that you find yourself giving in.

"promise not to laugh at me?" you mutter.

he raises a hand to his chest, drawing an x over his heart before raising his palms towards you in silent promise. you crack a smile at how serious he's taking this.

you take a deep breath before confessing the thought that's been plaguing your mind for the last few weeks.

"i know you like tall girls," you say, staring straight ahead at the sylveon hat like it had been the object of your desire for our entire life. "and i know i'm not even close to being called tall,"

yuuji blinks a few times, his brows raising as he processes this information.

you were upset because you didn't consider yourself his type? did he understand that right? so this was because... you wanted to be his type?

"well, maybe a fifth grader would think i'm tall," you began to mumble to yourself. "but that doesn't really make me feel better-"

"you think you wouldn't be my type because you're so short?" he cuts off your rambling, and she turns to him with a bewildered expression.

"well you don't have to put it like that," you mumble with a furrowed brow. "kinda makes me feel worse-"

"(y/n), i promised i wouldn't laugh," he cuts you off again, stepping forward to wrap his hands around your shoulders. "but that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard!"

you frown up at him, not comforted at all at his attempts to make you feel better.

"you're really bad at this" you tell him, and he begins to break his promise as a few giggles escape through his toothy grin.

"are you kidding?" he teases. "you're the cutest person i've ever met!" he reaches his hands up to your face, squeezing your cheeks together playfully. "i don't want you to be any taller, i like you just the way you are!"

your face begins to heat up under his touch, and with his hold on you, you have no choice but to stare back at him, only making your blush burn hotter.

"you are my type, even as a tiny lil' tater tot," he says, and despite his laughter, you can tell he's being completely genuine. you can see it in the shine in his eyes as he stares at you. "that doesn't matter. what matters if you're a really awesome fucking person, and a badass"

the knot between your brows begins to relax and your lips curl into a smile at his sweet words.

"you're not just saying that?" you ask quietly, just to be sure he wasn't spewing out bullshit just to make you feel better.

yuuji laughs at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling from pure joy. he doesn't respond, but he doesn't need to say anything else.

instead he leans over you, bending almost dramatically to reach your short stature in order to press his lips against yours. it's a short kiss, but it's sweet, gentle, warm- all things yuuji.

when he pulls away, before he can stand back up properly, you're shooting up to the tips of your toes, your hands flying towards his shoulders for balance as you return his kiss. it's fast, eager, curious- all things you. he can't help but smile against your lips as he drops a hand from your face so he can wrap his arm around your waist, keeping you close.

you both distantly hear a harumph! from a passerby in the shop, having forgotten you were still in public. you pull away with sheepish smiles and pink cheeks.

"you are short though" he tells you point blank.

"i know, yuuji" you huff.

"but i like it" he says proudly, and you turn away so he won't see how your blush is spreading down your neck.

you still notice the significant difference in your height often, but it's mostly due to yuuji pointing it out every time he bends over to kiss you from there on out.

___

a/n: i love him sm it's criminal that i haven't written for him :'( xoxo ~ jordie

#itadori yuuji x reader #itadori yuuji #itadori x reader #yuuji x reader #yuuji itadori x reader #yuuji itadori #yuji itadori #yuji itadori x reader #itadori yuji x reader #yuji x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutu kaisen x reader fluff #jjk x reader fluff #itadori yuuji x reader fluff

[adrianasunderworld]

More Twst x Stardew things

The Royal Sword Corporation opened one of their stores in town years ago. Crowley hates it. He hates the manger, Ambrose, who wants him to sell the community center so they can open another Royal Sword Business in town.

Che'nya works at Royal Sword Mart. Neige actually got his big break from Royal Sword. He got cast in a commercial for it, and it did so well that he's the face of a whole ad campaign now. Vil is angry and jealous because he also auditioned for that role and Neige got picked over him.

Vil still acts and models, but it's on a much smaller scale compared to Neige. Like he gets hired a lot to do ads and commercials for businesses in town, and in all the neighboring towns, to the point he's kind of a local celebrity in the area. He keeps visiting the city to audition for theater, but so far nothing. He ideally would like to move to the city to pursue bigger roles, but it's just not in the cards now.

The witch that turns your eggs into void eggs at night is Malleus grandma. He gets embarrassed, and has tried convincing her to get a different hobby, to no avail.

Fellow and Giddel are event characters. They get hired to work at the county fair during the fall, and sometimes stop by on the Night Market. There's a quest where you can befriend them so they can move into town, and Giddel can join the other kids on their lessons.

Leonas family is very well off. After his father passed while Leona was still a minor, Falena took custody of him, and he still lives with Falena and his wife, Asha. The Kingscholars were successful in their careers and had plenty of money. Like the farmer, they wanted a change of pace from city life and bought a nice inn just outside of town. Falena runs the actual business while Asha still works as a lawyer. Leona is taking online courses while working at the inn. Ruggie also works there and often has to keep Leona on track.

Ace is a carpenter, and was like Robin, the first person in town to greet you and show you to Ramshackle Farm. And like Robin, he also called your grandpa's house crusty. He also has beef with your cat, Grim. Everytime he comes by to work on something, they have a stare off.

Jade is still interested in foraging, and often gives helpful tips, like what is in season and where to find it. His favorite gifts are any mushrooms.

The mermaid who does a show at the Night Market is Rielle.

Ortho, Najma, and Cheka are like the Jas and Vincent in town. They're the local kids you always see running around, along with everyone else's little siblings, like Jack's brother and sister.

Since there's more than two kids in town in this au, there is an actual school house in the area. It's right next to or is connected to the library, and Clara is the local teacher. Trein helps her out by doing the history lessons. Clara will give the older kids their lessons in the morning before doing their more independent study time and class work in the afternoon while she teaches the little ones. Trein usually keeps an eye on the older kids while they work in the library. It's hard though, Lucius keeps demanding their attention when they're supposed to be doing homework.

Ramshackle is still haunted. There's ghost all over the property, and they mostly show up at night. But they will sometime show up indoors, like in the house, sheds, and greenhouse.

If you marry Leona, he will nap in the greenhouse.

If you marry Deuce, he will work on his bike outside.

If you marry Vil, his post marriage heart event is him going away to work after taking a bigger role. Kinda like Elliot going on his book tour.

If you marry Cater, he will post about living on a farm. He will absolutely make vlog type videos going "My day in the life of a stay at home farm husband."

@mangacupcake @marrondrawsalot @writing-heiress @the-weirdos-mind

#twisted wonderland #twst oc #twst yuu #miss yuu #leona kingscholar #twst ambrose #dire crowley #deuce spade #jade leech #vil schoenheit #neige leblanche #mozus trein #cheka kingscholar #najma viper #ortho spade #cater diamond #falena kingscholar #asha kingscholar #clara cristalería #twst grim #twst fellow #twst giddel #twst rielle #stardew valley #twst stardew #ace trappola #twst chenya

[linagram]

[ 𝚔𝚎𝚒 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚒𝚔𝚘'𝚜 𝚝𝟸 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 ]

it's the idealization duo's interrogation time! these two have a lot to say this time, hopefully it helps you understand their crimes and backstories a little better (especially kei's. btw what's everyone thinking about his crime rn)

Q.001. What would you want to hear from your lover?

Kei: That they accept me.

Eiko: That they want to be the best partner I've ever had.

Q.002. Can you drive?

Kei: Eiji, don't you remember how I used to drive you to school when you were younger?

Eiko: I do have a license and my own car, but I don't really drive. I'd prefer my partner to do that.

Q.003. What's your favorite drink?

Kei: I like milkshakes, especially strawberry ones. I have a lot of nice childhood memories associated with them, haha.

Eiko: Just lemon tea is fine.

Q.004. Your ideal type?

Kei: Someone who doesn't judge me and someone who can keep up with me.

Eiko: Someone who is always honest with me and someone who is willing to do their very best for me. I think I'd like to date someone like you, Eiji-kun~

Q.005. Do you have any fun memories of your childhood?

Kei: My favorite one is when our dad's friend taught me how to take photos with my new camera and he told me to go and take a picture of anything I want. I took a picture of a dead butterfly lying on the ground. He said that I'm very creative and that I have a bright future ahead of me.

Eiko: I remember going shopping with my dad when I was little and he told me that I can have anything I want. I told him that I want to see him smile. He almost cried after that for some reason.

Q.006. Have you ever tried learning a foreign language?

Kei: I can speak English fluently, I mean, our dad is half-American and I've also spent a lot of time overseas. I tried to learn some other languages too, like French and Spanish, but I gave up. I'm not even that good at reading and writing kanji, so..

Eiko: I can speak English and a little bit of Korean, but mostly because I listen to a lot of music in those languages, haha.

Q.007. State the meaning of your name.

Kei: I think it's supposed to mean "gemstone"? Mom said that she named me that because she thought I was so beautiful, she wanted me to have a name that would have a meaning just as beautiful as me.

Eiko: I think it's something like.. "an excellent child"? Haha, my parents must've had a lot of expectations for me.

Q.008. What do you think about your siblings?

Kei: I love you, Eiji, even if you can be really mean sometimes.

Eiko: My little brother is very nice. He does have his quirks, but I think they make him cuter.

Q.009. What are lies to you?

Kei: Something that is necessary to have a fun life!

Eiko: Something that is forgivable only if it's done to save someone. I still won't forgive anyone who lies to me though.

Q.010. What are your parents' occupations?

Kei: Dad's a movie director and mom's a toymaker! Both of them are so creative! There's just something about our family that makes all of us so artistic.. You too, Eiji. Dad always praised you for being so reliable.

Eiko: I don't know actually. And I don't really care. Well, as long as they continue to buy me gifts and help me with money if anything happens, I'm fine.

Q.011. Do you like children?

Kei: I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that I actually have one, considering my lifestyle.

Eiko: Not really. They're not a part of my concept of a perfect life.

Q.012. What is/was your major?

Kei: Photography, obviously.

Eiko: Fashion design, though I'm more interested in modelling than designing clothes.

Q.013. Tell us about your dating history.

Kei: Um, are we talking about, like, "serious relationships"?.. Then I guess Ruka is the only one that counts..

Eiko: My victim was the only person I've ever dated.

Q.014. Did you have any friends in school?

Kei: I think I had one?..

Eiko: Yeah, but I wasn't really close with them. We talked a lot, but our relationship wasn't that deep.

Q.015. What's the greatest act of love?

Kei: Uhh, if it's from my lover, I think I'd just want them to tell me that they love me even when I don't look so good. If it's from me.. I don't know! Holding myself back

Eiko: Promising to make someone's life as happy as possible and actually keeping that promise.

#idk how to explain but i really like this parallel between kei and eiko like.. #sure whatever the themes of kei's songs can be more mature than most other prisoners whatever. #sure he can flirt with other prisoners and all of that stuff. #but the moment when it comes to like.. what's actually going on inside his head he's like #“oh i love milkshakes :) i love mom and dad a lot! i love eiji-nii too! wdym he's younger than me?” #and like. he casually goes “oh maybe i do have a child :D who cares like omg who cares!!” #meanwhile sure you can judge eiko for dismembering a guy for betraying her expectations #but she's also much more mature than kei and she's actually one of the smartest prisoners here #believe me when i say that if it wasn't for her being apathetic she'd solve all mysteries of milgram in like. one or two days #also. i'm thinking of maybe. maybe dropping mrs sanada and mrs yoshioka designs? 👀 #also yes there was a hint about eiji's past. yes. #✍️interrogations! ✍️ #🍓prisoner 005: sanada kei 🍓 #💎prisoner 006: yoshioka eiko💎 #milgram #milgram oc #milgram project #ocgram

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

CHAPTER 60 - JUKEBOXES, CORN AND BRACES

In the previous chapter: Angie and Grace visit the set of Singles and meet Cameron Crowe. Grace would want to meet and talk to the actors but Angie's too shy and does everything to avoid them, especially Matt Dillon. The director offers her a small part in the movie and Angie is shocked. When she hears Tim Burton is supposed to make an appearance in the same scene as her, she sneaks away from the set. Eddie and Angie meet up the same night outside her apartment building to have a cigarette together and talk a little bit, a quick "date" in between their obligations. They flirt a little and Eddie not so subtly hints at the fact that he misses her a lot, also physically. Angie wonders how will they do once Eddie eill be out touring with the band after the record release and will be away for weeks and months. Vedder reveals his solution to the problem. In the meantime, Jerry wants to spend a nice uneventful night at home but his plans are shattered by Layne and Demri, who set him up in a blind date with one of the girl's coworkers.

Seattle is not Los Angeles and First Avenue is certainly not the Sunset Strip, but walking this street that almost entirely crosses the city from north to south is the best choice if you want to enter the heart of the Emerald City. And if you want to meet a musician or an artist of any kind, the area between First Avenue and Pike Street, before the market, or the border area between Belltown and Downtown, are the ones to keep an eye on. Not because of the live music venues, which certainly are not lacking, but because here you can find the ideal combination of goods and services particularly sought after by the just mentioned category: sex shops, pawnshops, second-hand shops, record shops, drug dealers and, above all, places to eat and drink super cheap. Whether they're signed to a major label or not, the average musician here is perpetually broke anyway and couldn't survive without places where they could get a decent meal for a few dollars. Many wonder why and how this fervent music scene developed in Seattle, bringing into discussion college radios, fanzines, independent labels on the one hand, isolation, cold, rain and not having shit to do but staying at home and listening to or making music on the other. In my opinion, however, there would be no Seattle sound without the cafes, diners and bars that feed and quench the thirst of the broke artists who have lived here forever or moved there to be part of the scene. 

The Frontier Room is one of those holy places. It opens at six in the morning it could very well knock you out by half past seven. Drinks are cheap here and the bartenders are known for having a heavy hand. I'm at the bar with Layne, for a second round after the first round of introductions, small talk, and booze with Demri and Heather. I must say that girl is not bad, she is not even what I expected. I don't know why, but from the name, I pictured her as a sort of sex bomb all boobs and perm... not that I have anything against boobs or perms, God forbid! And I don't even mean that she's ugly, on the contrary. She is a beautiful girl, tall and thin with legs fir miles, blue eyes and dark hair, she could easily be a model and she would kill it, even walking the catwalk with the white sweater and the jeans she's wearing now. She also seems likeable and down to earth. In short, she would be my type. If I gave a damn. Layne walks off with gin and tonic for him and Dem, while I watch the bartender mix the two whiskey and coke for Heather and I at the same time. He basically fills whiskey glasses half full, then grabs the coke, and as he turns to talk to another guy, he doesn't notice that most of the drink he pours misses the target and ends up soaking the rag over the counter. When he finishes the exchange, he notices that the glasses are still just short of half empty so he tosses in some more whiskey. This is the secret of the Seattle sound: the places that give you more whiskey than coke, I hope live forever. 

I grab my glasses and make my way over to my friends' table when I spot a smooching going on right between Layne and Demri. Nothing exaggerated, but enough to make me take a small U-turn in search of a diversion, which materializes right in front of me in the form of a jukebox. I set the glasses down on the machine and flip through the titles to waste some time, sorry Heather! I skip a lot of country music, not because I don't like it, but because I'm not in the right mood. Garth Brooks, Bob Seeger, there's a bit of classic rock, but I keep scrolling, partly because I want to be sure to find separated lips when I come back, partly because nothing particularly strikes me. Eagles? Ugh... Scorpions. WAIT. I stop there, for a double reason. Number one: I love this band. Number two: Angie hates this band. I don't think I've ever heard her say a bad word towards anyone other than the Scorpions, Bon Jovi and…um, well, yours truly. There is Love at first sight, easy, there's Animal Magnetism, which is my favorite album, there's also Crazy world, the latest, a good work, but certainly the most commercial. And I totally fall for that right now.

 

Wise man said just walk this way

To the dawn of the light...

 

Kenny Rogers finishes just as I get to the table with the drinks, Send me an angel begins and my three evening companions moan almost simultaneously. And they're not the only ones because I can almost hear a single moan run through all the people in the bar one after another as they listen to the ballad and reflect on the meaning of their lives. A little too depressing maybe, huh? The evening seems suddenly quieter and colder and perhaps not even the supercharged whiskey and coke is strong enough for this song. I think I've officially ruined everyone's night, at least until Heather gets up, at which point I think I've mostly ruined hers. And Dem and Layne's too. After all, they only want me to socialize like a normal person and I don't think they're asking too much but why has everything gotten so hard all of a sudden? Anyway, the girl doesn't pull up her jacket and bag to just up and leave with an excuse as I thought. She just takes a couple of coins from her pocket, winks at me and with a few strides reaches the jukebox. With the same grin on her face she scrolls through the titles, inserts her quarters, presses the buttons and returns to the table, while my song fades, leaving the bar in almost total and surreal silence. Heather doesn't sit down, but she looks at us, looks around and addresses the whole place judt as Rudolph Schenker starts playing some grittier chords.

“His fingers just slipped and hit the wrong button, that's all!” Heather raises her arms and then points her gaze at me, takes the glass and takes a nice sip of basically plain pure whiskey and starts singing, here, in the middle of the bar, as if nothing had happened. This surprises me, but what surprises me most is that I sing along.

 

I look in your eyes, I really think you're fooling me

You're pretty and nice, it doesn't matter don't you see

 

We sing Falling in love by the Scorpions in a duet, but only until the first chorus, because from there on it becomes a choir, first of our table, then of the whole bar. My memory could easily fail me, but I think it's the first time I've helped start a bar sing-a-long. It's easy to have the crowd sing at your concerts, but it's much more difficult to wake up a group of drunks in an anonymous place on a cold and humid evening in March. Sometimes a wrong night just needs the right fingers.

 

“I love that album,” I comment with Heather nodding, long after the chorus ends.

"It's the breakthrough disc." she says, just before Dem and Layne leave with the excuse of cigarettes "My favorite song is The Zoo , but that was more catchy"

“Hehe yeah, better for bar karaoke. Anyway The Zoo is a masterpiece, you're the first girl I've met who knows the Scorpions so well” leaving out Angie who, just because she knew them well, vomited just hearing their mention, I really don't remember any fan in particular. Well, aside from her , but she wasn't that badass.

“Oh man, Jerry, I'm sorry” Heather immediately becomes serious and places her hand on mine, which rests next to the ashtray after having just put out a cigarette.

"Eheheh well, no big deal. I mean good musical tastes are welcome, but they are not everything. I am pleased when I find someone who shares my interests, but it is not fundamental". I mean, music is my life, but I stopped selecting friends based on musical tastes in 1980, more or less.

“No, I meant, I'm sorry…but I'm not going to sleep with you.” She shakes her head and looks at me contritely, as if offering me condolences.

"What?"

"I'm not sleeping with you, don't get any strange ideas"

"Oh. Okay. But what does it have to do with it?”

“I wanted to be honest with you before you started hitting on me But I couldn't say anything before, in front of Demri, she cared so much about this date”

“Who says I wanted to hit on you?”

“You're already doing it… You're the first girl I've met who loves Scorpions, uh! After this sort of imitation she pushes my hand away from hers giggling and finishes her drink.

“So, I understand that it may sound like a pickup line and I admit that I have used something like this in the past, but I swear that in this case the intention was absolutely not that”

"Come on! Look, you don't have to pretend with me, it's normal to expect something from a blind date, I don't blame you" Heather reaches out for my pack of cigarettes without asking, takes one and lights it with my lighter.

“Of course it's normal, but normality doesn't really belong to me lately. I can assure you it was a simple remark, I was not hitting on you. To tell you the truth, since it's the moment of truth, I didn't even want to come tonight."

"Oh really?"

“I was this close to standing you up”

“This reminds me of the fox saying that the grapes were sour…” Heather winks and blows smoke in my face.

“Hahaha I know what it looks like, but it's not like that. I would certainly make a better impression if I went along with your story, but no. I'm much more pathetic than that” I don't know why, maybe it's because deep down I don't know her, she's a stranger, and it's easier to be honest with strangers; it may also be because of the vibes I get from her but to me telling the truth seems the easiest thing in the world right now, sitting at this table with Heather.

"Pathetic? What do you mean?"

"That until a few months ago I would not only have hit on you, but I would have also succeeded and by now we'd already be driving towards my house"

“Hahaha even if I told you that I had no intention of putting out?”

"Of course and I would have done it in such a subtle way as to make you believe it was you who changed your mind, indeed, I would have convinced you that I wasn't even thinking about it either and that everything was happening totally by chance"

“That is exactly…what are you doing now? Or am I wrong?" she smiles at me curious and even though she thinks she has caught me, she doesn't seem irritated. Is it because she believes me? Is it because she plays along? I don't know.

"No no, now I'm just baring my soul to you, I'm not using tactics, I swear"

“So what has happened lately that has changed you so drastically?” here is the fateful question. I take a deep breath and spit it out.

“I fell in love with a girl, broke her heart, got dumped and haven't been close to another female since then, which would be three months ago, more or less”

"Oh. Well, you made a great recap”

“I went straight to the point, at least with words I'm still able to do it” what is it, have I started walking the path of self-irony? Well it sort of works, I laugh and she giggles with me.

“You know, your story is very similar to mine. Well, I mean, more or less. I fell in love too, I've been dumped for a while and I still haven't recovered”

"I'm sorry"

“But I'm the one whose heart was broken. Well, he dumped me for someone else”

“I understand what you're going through, I really do. It's not a pickup strategy!” I repeat trying to make her laugh again.

“I killed the mood, didn't I? Like you did before with that fucking song!"

“Nah, I totally beat you, sorry! And I win the award for saddest story too, because I'm in such a bad place that my friends introduce me to girls hoping to cheer me up and instead I end up driving them away by talking about my ex"

“Haha and what about me? What do you think I'm here for tonight? Demri is sick of seeing me cry on cigarette breaks day in and day out. And she's not the only one. All my friends push me to get to know new guys, but they don't understand that it's much worse this way!”

"Exactly! I don't know if it's the same for you, but... it's hard to explain. When you have to forget someone, the best solution would be to avoid everything that makes you think of that someone, right? Well, how can't they see that a date is the first thing that makes me think of my ex because..."

“Because that's the thing you used to do with her! Same thing for me, I agree. You date a guy and you come up with the same situations and…”

“And make comparisons!”

"Of course, how the fuck can you not make them!"

“Do you know why I chose the Scorpions on the jukebox?”

“Cause you have memories of her with that song?”

“Because she can't stand that band, she hates them!”

“Hahaha”

“I've been scrolling through all the titles on that fucking jukebox for a while and there wasn't a name that made me feel something. And music is my life, mind you. Then my eyes landed on that name and... byeeee"

"And then, I even told you that I like them"

"Right! Tell me, how could this arranged date make me forget Angie, it can't, it's the opposite"

"Five minutes after you arrived, I had already made a mental comparison between the shades of blond of your hair and those of Rob, as well as your heights and way of laughing"

"We're both so fucked up, we need to make a toast!" I exclaim, as I pour some of the content of my glass into hers, then go back to being serious for a moment "You're not squeamish, are you?"

"Hahaha no, nit at all! Here's to the broken and pathetic hearts!"

"Cheers" our glasses touch each other and we drink them all down in one.

“You're nice, if you weren't brokenhearted I would have hooked up with you. You're cute too"

"Really?"

“Yeah, tall, long hair, musician… you're pretty much my type”

“Wow, thanks, I'm flattered”

“And at least you understand me. Whereas I'm going to have to go on who knows how many more blind dates."

“Well, maybe sooner or later you will find someone you'll be so attracted to that you will even forget your ex's name”

"Eheh after what we said to each other, you are not credible anymore, I'm sorry"

“Well, just tell your friends that you don't want to date anyone right now”

“Do you think I didn't? Like it's a prerogative to have someone, I mean, what's wrong with being single?”

“Single and happy!”

“Besides, sex is overrated”

"Well..."

“Yeah, it's cool, I'm not saying it isn't, but it's not like I miss it that much. It's not the thing I miss the most about Rob, so that's proof that it's not fundamental."

“In fact, it's not like I'm struggling either. And I wasn't one to spare himself, on the contrary..."

“I bet your not sparing yourself has to do with how you broke your ex's heart, right? I'm not judging you, huh! We all make mistakes, we are human"

“What can I say, you hit the mark. But now the girls who go around in the backstage of our concerts... I don't even look at them, I don't see them, I don't want to "

“LOOK, I HAD AN IDEA!” Heather slaps her palm hard on the table, causing even the guys sitting at the table next to her to turn towards us.

"What an idea?"

“We are in the same situation and we have the same problem. Why can't we be each other's problem solvers?"

"Uh?"

“It's just occurred to me right now, maybe it's bullshit, but I think it would work”

"Do you want to explain yourself better?"

“So, Demri and Layne will be back at the table soon, they'll see there's no chemistry between us, they'll see us leaving without even exchanging numbers, and what will they do next time?”

“They'll torment us asking why it didn't work?”

“No, that what they will do tonight, immediately. But what will they do next time?”

“What will they do?”

“They'll introduce us to someone else! And on and on and it will never end!”

“I'm about to go on tour with the boys, they'll ask me to do the fourth every time they pick up someone with a friend"

“And Dem? She knows literally everyone in Seattle, do you have any idea how many tall, long-haired musicians will be sitting where you are right now?”

“And what would your solution be?”

“Put on some chemistry”

"That is?"

“Let's not tell them it didn't work” Heather shrugs as if she's telling me the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do you want them to believe we've clicked?"

"We'll make them believe we like each other, we can exchange some effusions..."

“Exchange what?”

“Just for show! We can also exchange numbers. You're going on tour soon, aren't you? At most you call me once or twice, just to make the game more believable for my roommate too. Your friends will see that you're into me and you're doing ok and they won't dare pushing other girls to you at the risk of screwing you up again"

"And your girlfriends will quit arranging blind dates"

“It's a win win for both"

“Mmm”

“I know the fake boyfriend archetype is overused and may sound like a John Hughes rom-com cliché, but I assure you I have no ulterior motives. And it would be for a good cause: our sanity” Heather looks at me hopefully. All in all she's not talking bullshit and, fake or not, her eyes are hard to say no to.

“It's so absurd that it could work”

"WHAT?" I'm so focused on Heather's evil plan that I don't notice our friends returning, or Demri coming over to scream in my ear.

“What, what?” I ask playing dumb.

“What could work?” she repeats, as she sits down with her boyfriend.

"Us! We found out that we are very different, but also have so much in common, right Jerry?” Heather winks at me and moves the chair a little closer.

"True! You were right to drag me here, man, you know?” I reach around my new accomplice's shoulders as Layne looks at me in amazement.

"Seriously? Well…” but not without suspicion.

 

I'm not getting into another mess, am I?

 

************************************************** *****************************************

 

"Your first kiss? When did it happen? With whom? Tell me..."

Grace and I are in the midst of our almost daily post-coital Random Questions session to get to know each other better, hosted as always on the couch in her apartment. Grace's couch is the official home for pretty much everything we do, whether it's sex, post-sex, no sex, listening to records, eating, watching tv, looking at aquariums, or hanging out. Oh and I also sleep on it, because Grace's bed is still offlimits. Because the speech I made to her the other night was perfect and I know my words hit the mark, but in the meantime, making love without her boots, let alone sleeping together, it's still not an option. And so here we are, me in my underwear, she wearing my T-shirt and her ever-present boots, both on the sofa which has now taken on the shape of our bodies, especially mine, eating toasted cashew nuts and asking questions to get to know each other, when in reality we'd just need to undress completely and go to her room to really get closer. Anyway, intimacy is made up of many things and it takes a lot of time to build it. I have patience, it's just that I have the bad habit of always turning around and keeping an eye on the easiest route, while I trudge along the most impervious path, unanimously considered the most effective.

“It happened on sixth grade, with a redhead I didn't like,” I recall as the scepter of power, aka the bowl of cashews, passes from Grace's hands to mine.

"I don't know why, but I expected such an answer. Was she crazy too?"

"Mmm no, Jane was normal, as normal as an eleven-year-old can be. She was nice, okay, but not someone I intended to kiss"

"And how did it go?"

"We were walking home from school, we lived on the same street. We got off the school bus and walked together, her house was before mine, when we got there and I was saying goodbye, she took her chance"

"Girls who take the initiative are a recurring element in your life, have you noticed that?" Grace reaches into the bowl and takes a hefty handful.

"Yes. But not with you, I kissed you" let's give Caesar what belongs to Caesar.

"Okay, and all the work to get to the kiss? What about that? I did it all man!" okay, always dotting the i's.

"Details"

"Anyway, Jane tried to kiss you and you?"

"I panicked, of course"

"Obviously"

"And as her lips were getting dangerously close..."

"You ran away?"

"No, I told her the first thing that came to my mind"

"That is?"

"That I'd just threw up"

"Ahahahaha what???" the sofa shakes a little under us as she laughs. 

"I told you, it was the first thing that came to my mind! And as I tried to explain to her that it must have been the meatloaf from the cafeteria and that I had thrown it up in the school toilet before going out, she threw me off"

"Did she vomit too?"

"No he said It's okay , he shrugged and kissed me anyway! Can you believe that?"

"Wow she must have liked you so much"

"So she wasn't quite as normal as she seemed" 

"You gotta have a crush to be willing to kiss a pucked mouth"

"No, you must be sick! However it was a wet and cold kiss. And there were no more kisses between me and her. To be safe anyway, from then on I went to school by bike"

"It didn't traumatize you at all, nooo"

"And what about you?"

"Ah my story is less funny. I was twelve, he was one year older, I had braces on my teeth, he had too. We didn't get stuck or anything like that, but there were some technical difficulties, mini metallic clashes, it was a bit embarrassing, but cute" the little smile that appeared on her face as she recalled the memory almost makes me jealous.

"And your cute kiss was the first of a long series?"

"No, the next day he got together with my friend" and the dreamy smile disappeared, replaced by a half-resigned grin.

"Ouch. Did she have braces as well? It must have been an issue of accessibility, don't take it personally"

"Actually no, she didnt!"

"Come on, next question, but this time it's my turn" I take matters into my own hands and pretend to improvise a question that I've been preparing for a while instead.

"Ok"

"How many guys did you date after the surgery?"

"Oh. Wow, good question" 

"I only ask good questions"

"First of all, define date"

"At least one date, in the evening, alone" I list the primary conditions on three fingers.

"Okay, well, that's an accurate definition"

"Did you expect something different from me?" I set the bowl of cashews down on the coffee table and cross my arms, turning to face her, preparing myself for her response and the big talk that will follow.

"Hehe absolutely not"

"So?"

"Well I don't know, ten-ish"

"What about a more precise answer, adequate to the question?" I know, it's not essential to have the exact data, but while we're at it, I want to know.

"Wait..." Grace, after one last bite, rubs the salt of the cashews off her hands and then I see her start counting mentally and with her fingers.

"Twelve"

"Including me?

"Thirteen" she corrects herself with a satisfied smile. 

"And how many of them did you share your secret with?"

"All of them, except two. So eleven"

"And how many of these did you go on a second date with?"

"Mmmm six"

"And how many have you had sex with?"

"Oh God, where are you going with this?" Grace starts to get suspicious, but I won't give up.

"How many?"

"Four"

"And of these four, how many have also slept with you?" 

"Do we really have to talk about it?" she's not angry, just a little sulky.

"Yup" 

"One"

"Ok. And was this guy so much better than me?"

"Stone..."

“Was he a saint, an empath, a Nobel Peace Prize…?”

"I would say no"

"A psychologist, a therapist, a doctor?"

"No, and he wasn't even a champion of sensitivity, if I have to be honest"

"Great! Just like me. So how about we give my back a break tonight and have a good night's sleep in your room?"

"You have to understand that it's not easy"

"No way! Really? Of course know it's difficult, Grace, and even if I hadn't figured it out myself, let's say that an average of one in thirteen would have been overwhelming proof, don't you think?" 

"It took me a long time to accept myself, it was hard to be able to look at myself, let alone let another person see me and touch me"

"Grace, I know, ok? I know. But I'll ask you a question" I take her hand, perhaps more to block her than to console her. 

"Another one??"

"We have to get to know each other, don't we?" I take the other one too and she squeezes both of them.

"Yes, but at this rate we'll tell each other everything tonight and what will we be talking about from tomorrow on?"

"Haha, do you think I won’t find any more topics to talk about? Me? You underestimate me"

"Okay, what do you want to know?" she sighs resigned.

"You don't show yourself because you're uncomfortable or because you don't want to make me uncomfortable?" 

"Stone, it is...both"

"But in percentage?"

"How can I quantify? I don't know, fifty-fifty"

"Bullshit"

"Ahahahah how can you say that?" 

"What happens if you take off these boots in front of me now? Nothing changes. Nothing for you, you are always the same, the only variable is me and how I could react. This is what changes and this is what worries you"

"And you think your reaction has nothing to do with me? That it doesn't have any effect? ​​I'm obviously worried about it"

"Sure, but you gotta understand that it's not an avoidable thing. I mean, sooner or later it will have to happen, I can't sleep on this couch forever and you can't wear boots inside the house forever" 

"Sometimes I even wear normal shoes. With baggy pants," she points out knowing full well that's not the point, but behaving as if it were. 

"Yes and when you have that outfit it means you don't wanna have sex" I can lighten up a conversation too, you know?

"Ahahahah"

"I've learned to recognize the signs, you know"

"However, I know that sooner or later it will happen. I just want to take my time" 

"The question is... if I see all of you in a month's time, will your foot be less absent than it is now? I mean, is the non-existence of your foot inversely proportional to the time that goes by?" is it a good idea to make sarcastic jokes right now? Yes, because if I didn't, then it wouldn't be me, I would seem fake, and I want everything to be as true and honest as possible. 

"No, but you'll have more time to get used to the idea"

"And why should that be your problem?"

"Huh?" Grace glares at me, as if I've insulted her, so maybe I need to explain better.

"Cause we're back to to my first question: are you more uncomfortable for yourself or is it more like not wanting to make me uncomfortable? Because if it's the second one, well you don't have to, because it's not your job. It's not your job to think how to make your boyfriend feel comfortable when he's with you, that's none of your business, it's the part of the relationship work that I have to do, it's my responsibility, not yours. Will it be a piece of cake? No. Will I be completely indifferent to the thing? Fuck no, but I'm the one who has to deal with my fears and reactions, not you" 

"You must be really uncomfortable on this sofa to try and sound so convincing, huh?" she delivers this pretty good, because she keeps a very serious expression, except for a slightly arched eyebrow. 

"I don't give a fuck about the couch"

"I know, I was being sarcastic"

"Well you can't be when I'm not"

"The light must stay off" the light will be off, but I finally see a glimmer of light.

"Okay, I'll grope, feeling the stuffed animals in the dark towards the bed"

"And the hands must stay away from the legs"

"Jeez, I'll keep them away from everything if you want, I'll stay on my side and won't move, if you want you can come closer. We'll, if you really have to"

"I have to remove the prosthesis when I sleep"

"I'm so ignorant I didn't know, see how much I'm already learning with you? Anyway it's ok" 

"But I have the sock"

"Ok"

"It's a specific sock, which you put on the stump... it covers everything, in short"

"I won't see it in the dark anyway"

“Ok”

"Ok, can we go, then?" I slowly get up from the couch, not letting go of her hands, which I've been holding the whole time.

"Let's go" she takes a moment, then she gets up too.

"Anyway, you don't need to turn off the light right away. You're wearing my shirt and you're completely naked underneath, who gives a shit about your feet? I mean, in general, people aren't constantly looking at each other's feet while interacting. I take it for granted that people have them, but it's not like they're there to be looked at. Have you ever seen my feet? Can you honestly tell me what they look like? I guess not, I think you don't give a shit after all. And the same thing  goes for me. And by the way, I'm too concentrated on what is there to think about what's missing" I go freewheeling, perhaps because the walk in silence towards the bedroom looks so much like a journey to the gallows and this has got nothing to do with that.

"Are you done?" Grace stops in front of the bedroom door and looks at me as if I were a poor jerk.

"Yup"

"I've already said yes, you don't have to convince me anymore"

"You said yes to this now. There are still a lot of things I have to convince you to do, I must keep myself in training"

**************************************************

21:58 

In theory there are two minutes left for my shift, in practice, as usual, it will still take some time before I set foot back home. First I have to dispose of the people in the till, then I have to do the accounts and write down the partial collection, I gotta check that there are enough coins and cash, bags, paper rolls of the card machine and the cash register, leave notes in the notebook for Ian about the things I've done and what still needs to be done. In short, I won't be free before half past ten, but tonight I don't mind. I have to wait for Eddie anyway. Finally we'll see each other and we manage to spend one evening together. At least I hope, cause he warned me that he might be late, but that he will do everything to be here as soon as possible after today's recording session. He cares a lot and, well, so do I. Every time we talk on the phone or see each other in passing it's like he's trying to apologize for his working schedule and I'm always there to reassure him. It's his job, and you don't have to be together 24/7 to be in a relationship. However I am pleased to be able to spend a quiet evening without counting the minutes. And maybe it's because of my unusual good mood that I decide to break the rule of the good old pissed off saleswoman and start a conversation with the customer in front of me that goes a little beyond the simple greeting. 

"Good evening, how are you?" I smile as I type the receipt.

"Have you ever sat on the toilet reading the newspaper long enough to forget you shitted only to realize minutes later that you hadn't wiped your ass?"

"...it's twenty-four dollars fifty-five"

It's my fault, only my fault. 

The intellectual man pays and leaves and it's the turn of another guy in his forties. Of all the items he's placed on the counter for me, I reach for the six-pack of beer first and I am about to scan it, but the man cuts me off. 

"Sorry, I'm actually trying to drink a little less. Could you put them away, please?"

"Sure no problem!" I put the beers to the side and continue with the rest of the shopping, when a woman, who has appeared out of nowhere, approaches him and stares at me with a glare.

"What did you tell him?!" he yells at me.

"Excuse me?"

"Stop talking to my man! You can't have him, he's mine!" then she turns to him "What the fuck did she tell you? Did she ask your number or what?!"

"Mmm no, I just asked her to put the beers aside" he replies in a calm, monotonous voice, in stark contrast to her anxious one. 

I look at her dumbfounded, she stares at him first, then me and I take the beer to show to her and confirm the man's version; then her gaze returns to him.

"Ah! So now you're buying other women drinks, huh?! Forget about coming home tonight!" and that said, she just up and leaves. 

The customer stands there, impassive, rolls his eyes, and then motions me to continue. I tap the last few pieces and at that point I see him stretch his hands over the beers to bring them closer to the till again.

"Okay, l think I'll take the beer after all. If I have to sleep in the dog's kennel tonight, at least I won't be sober!" he hints at a smile, rather bitter, with the face of someone who has already seen multiple scenes like this. I finish his bill, he pays and leaves and I greet him, not envying him at all. 

"Oh, such weird people..." a lady in a long yellow coat, the last in line, at least for now, shakes her head as she approaches the counter.

"Yes, strange types show up sometimes at this time if the day" 

"Very Strange"

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I have to make a return"

"Sure, what is it about?"

"I'm returning this" the lady hands me a copy of today's Seattle Times. 

Never two without three.

"Excuse me, why do you want to return it?"

"Because I've read it all, I need tomorrow's issue"

Take a breath, Angie, a good deep breath. 

"Tomorrow's paper isn't out yet, ma'am, but I couldn't change it for you anyway"

"Well give me a voucher, so tomorrow I can get the new newspaper"

"It's not possible, ma'am, I can't accept this return"

"Why not? It's from today, it's expiring, you have to give me tomorrow's newspaper" 

The thing that drives me crazy the most is actually having a dialogue with people like this: not the assholes, who insult you or pick on you by yelling after you, they are nothing compared to people who are perfectly calm, even kind, and lucid in their their madness, they really think they're right and they just don't understand why you're there making trouble for them. 

"I can't because my superior takes care of this kind of returns, just wait a minute, I'll go call him immediately" I wouldn't want to bother Hannigan, but I can't make it tonight. And then I caught a glimpse of the headlights and the silhouette of Eddie's pickup through the glass, so goodbye. 

I get the boss to intervene and he must be really in a state of grace because he tells me to go and that he'll take care of the rest. It's mid-March, but I'm sure tomorrow it's gonna snow! I go and get changed in a flash and when I come back in front of the till I hear the lady repeating the same objections and, at the same time, the doorbell ringing.

"EDDIE! God I'm glad to see you!" I greet him, and almost knock him down, with a hug.

"Hey! Oh, well, heheh, me too Angie"

"Please save me, take me away from this madhouse" I add softly begging for mercy. 

"Ah! So that's why…"

"There's a particularly high concentration of crazy customers tonight"

"And I thought you missed me, at least a little bit" Eddie frees himself from my clutches and jokingly pushes me away pretending to be offended. 

"Of course I missed you." I come closer and kiss him. Yes, here, in front of everyone, including Hannigan, Ian and the crazy customer. Eddie should be proud of me, I'm not ashamed of anything anymore. Well almost "The fact that your arrival coincides with the end of my nightmarish shift is a plus" 

"I pretend to believe you. I forgive you. But only because it's you. And because it's a special day" he kisses me to seal the peace and I think about how special this evening will be. I guess Eddie has very high expectations, but I just hope I don't fall asleep before the end of the film since I'm also a bit tired.

"So, what do you want to do? Where are we going?" she asks me once outside.

"Oh well, I was planning on staying home, I rented a movie" 

"Okay, kitty" I appreciate the fact that he kept the dumb nickname for when we would be alone, away from prying ears.

"And then I was thinking of ordering a pizza, since I haven't eaten"

"Oh perfect, me neither! In fact I'm starving" with an arm around my neck, he accompanies me towards the door of my house. 

"But maybe you wanted to go somewhere"

"Nah, your place is great"

"Perhaps you were thinking of something in particular. We can also change plans, you know"

"The program is fantastic and, to tell you the truth, it's exactly what I was hoping for, I'm a little tired. Of course, if you had planned something else then I would have adapted, but really, pizza, movie and sofa with you seem like a dream to me right now"

"Are you sure?" he's kept talking about this special evening for days but now he wants me to believe that he was waiting for nothing but to be sprawled out on the sofa to stock up on pizza and horror?

"Absolutely. Then it's with you, so it's perfect regardless"

"Is it?" I ask him as we climb the stairs.

"Of course. Well... actually, no." he changes pace, in every sense, because he accelerates and passes me on the steps, then he turns around and I see that he's pouting. Real or fake? "No, because I'm actually mad at you" 

"Hehe what? Why?"

"Ask Matt" he starts running up the stairs, but not too fast, because he knows very well that I would catch up with him the day after tomorrow and out of breath.

"Matt? What does Matt have to do with it?" I ask both him and myself, not understanding the connection between the drummer and some crap of my own that I may have said or done. 

"Well Matt told me something this morning during our guitar lesson"

"Ah. You mean that Matt" I understand he's talking about Dillon and not Cameron.

"Yeah, that Matt. Let me tell you, I'm very, very disappointed" we get to my floor, we cross the corridor, he always pouting ahead and I behind, laughing a little and thinking about how I'll get out of it this time. 

"I don't understand what you mean, what did he tell you?" I play dumb as I open the door, under Eddie's stern, judgmental gaze. 

"He told me that a few days ago he met some of my friends on set, which would then be you and Grace"

"Ok"

"So I explained to him that you're my girlfriend and guess what he said?" did he really feel the need to tell a Hollywood actor that I'm his girlfriend? 

"Um what if I order the pizza first and then I guess?" rhetorical question as I take off my jacket and grab the cordless phone.

"He said we would all surely meet each other more often on set, since Cam OFFERED YOU A FUCKING PART IN THE FILM" Eddie reveals everything and raises his voice just when I've finished dialing the number and put the phone to my ear.

"Is it okay with double cheese?" 

"Yup." she concedes and then takes me by the hand to the sofa while I finish ordering "But you're a liar"

"It's not true, I told you so! I also told you about how I escaped and about the shitty figure" I try to justify myself to him, who looks at me like a principal listening to the apologies of the student in trouble, undecided whether to suspend them or not, obviously sitting on the opposite side of the sofa a thousand miles from me.

"You told me you ran away because there were too many famous people and you were getting anxious and not because Crowe had just asked you to star in the movie"

"It's not a lie, technically it's more of an omission"

"And why would you have omitted to tell me this?"

"Because if you had known, you would have tried to convince me to accept"

"Why? Don't you want to accept?" he suddenly asks me in amazement and moves on the sofa in my direction.

"There we go"

"But why?" Eddie moves a little closer. Why? As if he didn't know me.

"Because… it's not my thing"

"But cinema… is your thing, isn't it supposed to be like your job?" he gets even closer until our knees touch.

"I want to write for cinema, not act"

Eddie unties my legs, which were crossed until a second ago, and gently adjusts them on his, he pulls me towards him and now we're as close as we can get. 

"I too want to write and sing songs, not be a roadie. But I set up the stages anyway. It's all part of the system, you have to start somewhere"

"You only did it so you could see concerts for free"

"Well, just think that you can watch a movie for free, from inside the movie." he reiterates hugging me "You can see how a film is made, see the actors"

"I don't care about actors and movies look much better from the outside, trust me"

"Angie, can I ask you one thing?"

"Yes" I say and I already expect the correct and perfectly logical, as well as almost certainly funny, speech with which he will bare the stupidity of my insecurities and demonstrate that accepting that part is the only sensible thing to do and will convince me to say yes and that's exactly why I didn't want to tell him a damn thing in the first place. 

"Actually two"

"Ok"

"Where's Meg?"

"She went to be a stewardess at a cardiology convention or something, and she said she'd go dancing with the other girls afterward, so she'll be back late."

"And when does the pizza arrive?" it confuses me and I try to understand how far he's taking it and where he's going with his motivational speech starting from my roommate and passing through pizza.

"In half an hour. Why?"

"Because… I know we're discussing important things and I don't want to sound inappropriate at all, but we're alone and so much can be done in half an hour and you're so sexy when you insist on defending your indefensible opinions and wee haven't had sex in like fifteen years, so how about going to your room for a sec?"

"How can it be fifteen years if we've known each other for less than one?"

"Tsk you want to be a writer and you can't recognize hyperbole?"

"What?"

"Hyperbole"

"Say it again"

"Hyperbole"

"You're sexy when you say hyperbole, could you say that in a more indefensible tone?"

"Fuck you. Shall we go?" 

Since I'm good at being cool and resisting, about thirty seconds later we are in my bed. And we're still there exactly seven minutes later, gasping for breath in the dark. 

"A bit fast, huh?" 

"Fast, but effective"

"I told you it felt like fifteen years..."

"If these are the effects, I recommend continuing to see each other at this frequency"

"What a bitch!" I can make out his smiling profile in the dark, as he shifts closer under the covers "Anyway, going back to the previous topic…"

"Ah, do you want to go back to the previous discussion? I thought you'd dismissed it by now due to more urgent needs- OUCH!" I joke and he, close to me, takes his revenge with a pinch where the sun doesn't shine. 

"No, I haven't dismissed it. And be good, because I'm about to say something serious"

"Mmm ok, shoot" here comes the bullshit in disguise that will lead me to accept the proposal.

"I don't want to tell you what to do, because in the end it's you who have to decide. I can only give you my opinion. I think that deep down you want to throw yourself into this adventure but you're scared or ashamed or both. I don't know if you can do it, but Crowe is a professional, I think he can tell if a person can act or not and would never entrust you with a part above your skills. I have a line too, you know?"

"But I have more than one, that's the problem!"

"He definitely doesn't give a shit about our acting skills, he wants us to play ourselves, so you too, you'll just have to be yourself"

"Okay, I correct myself, that 's the problem"

"I don't…" My eyes have adjusted to the darkness and I see almost every detail of his face as she tries to piece together what he wants to say "but I don't see why you shouldn't try. Worst case scenario, if it really doesn't work, Cam could always cut your scene, you've got nothing to lose."

"Except my dignity"

"Mmm don't pretend to be a coward"

"Hahaha do you think I pretend? Sure, I'm actually super brave"

"You're very brave. Since I've known you, I've seen you do a lot of things that you might not even want to hear at first: play basketball with us, play the drums, go up the Space Needle, dance in a disco full of people without shyness, taking a plane to San Diego alone..." he kisses me after the last one in the list "I wasn't there yet, but I heard you even took the elevator in this building once" 

"There I risked seriously"

"Anyway, it seems to me that you are quite good at doing the things that scare you the most, this would be just the umpteenth demonstration of how cool you are, you wouldn't risk anything"

And I would like to tell him that I'm neither cool or brave and that if I've done each of those things it's because each and every time there was someone else to push me and that it takes very little insistence to make me do things, it's really easy to make me say yes. But for once I don't want to exaggerate, I don't want to make him snort as usual and turn out to be the ever problematic girl, I don't want to destroy his beliefs: I mean, if he's drawn this little portrait of Angie the Intrepid in his mind, who am I to refute it? At the same time, I have no idea what the fuck to say because I never understood how the hell you respond to compliments.  Like, who was supposed to teach me and when? Usually I respond with a sarcastic joke, but now I'm in bed with my boyfriend and something tells me that would not be the best reaction. So what do I do? Do I show discomfort? Do I scale back his flattery? Do I justify the reason for the success of all the experiences he listed? Do I distrust? Goat? Not say anything? Drop the subject? Thank him and stop? The sound of the intercom comes to my rescue.

"Oh. Either Meg broke all hearts at the cardiologist convention or our pizza's early." Eddie pulls away from me and sits up on the bed.

"We gotta get up to find out" 

"I'll go, don't worry" Eddie with sudden newfound energy springs out of bed and leaves the room.

"EDDIE?!" I yell at him as he runs away, but he doesn't listen. He reappears at my bedroom door a minute later.

"It's the pizza" he acts as if nothing had happened.

"BUT DID YOU GO LIKE THIS?" I insist, holed up under the duvet, while he turns on the light and explores the floor of the room. Luckily I'm already lying down, otherwise I could have collapsed.

"Like what?" he asks absently, then finds his boxers at the foot of the bed and, picking them up, finally looks at me. And I look at him. And then he understands "I only answered the intercom, he can't see me" he smiles slyly putting on his underwear.

"Thank god…"

"Don't pretend to be jealous, you're not credible" he quickly puts on his cargo pants and red checked shirt, buttoning it at random. 

"The money for the pizza is in the cabinet outside in the corridor, in the drawer"

"Okay." starts to leave the room again, but then turns around "What are you doing? Aren't you coming?"

"I'm coming now"

"Ok"

"Ok" I answer, still under the duvet, while he doesn't get out of there. 

"Or maybe you want to have dinner in bed?" the little shit winks at me.

"No no, no crumbs in my bed"

"All right"

"Okay" and he stays there.

"Come on or pizza will get cold" 

"I told you I'm coming now, just go and I'll join you!" he almost laughs at me, but the pizza guy saves me a second time as he rings the doorbell. Eddie gives up and goes to open the door but I don't hear the sound of the drawer opening. What the fuck. I get out of bed in a sprint and close the door before putting on my pajamas in record time. When I leave the room we almost have a head-on collision: the jerk thought he would be catching me red-handed! 

"Ready?" he asks pretending to pass by by chance.

"You payed?" 

"Yup"

"But the money is here" I open the drawer and show him.

"I took the money from my wallet"

"And why?"

"To make it faster. Are you coming now or do we have to stay here and discuss until the pizza becomes inedible?"

"Come on, let's go!" I would like to take his hand, but I end up pulling him by the unbuttoned sleeve of his shirt, and take him to the sofa. Eddie immediately grabs a slice of pizza and I manage to throw paper napkins at him, threatening him "If you dirty my sofa I'll kill you"

"What movie are we watching, kitty?"

"We're watching Children of the corn !" I reply enthusiastically by pressing PLAY on the remote control and pounce on the pizza too.

"From the title, I imagine it's a romantic comedy with a guaranteed happy ending" 

"Obviously" 

"And are you sure I can eat while I watch it?"

"Ahah yes, don't worry, it's not that strong" I open two beers and give him one.

"You said the same thing about Hellraiser "

"Okay, you're the one who's too sensitive! Amyway this is a lot softer, there's no comparison, I'd say it's almost comedy"

"Ok, I trust you, kitty" we toast with our cans and start the vision.

***

"Well comedy… I wouldn't say that…" the movie is over, as well as pizza and beer.

"Come on, shall we talk about the acting? And then, those fucking special effects! It seems like they ran out of money at some point"

"They must have spent it all on corn"

"Haha exactly! Hey, by the way, did you know that in a certain sense I was a child of the corn as well?"

"Were you a member of a satanic cult of baby-killers?" Eddie, who was completely slouched on his side of the sofa, now sits up a little curious.

"Eheheh no, also because at this age they would have already sacrificed me"

"So?"

"Well, you know the summer jobs you used to work when you were a kid? Ok, you're from San Diego, so well, your concept of a summer job will include things like lifeguard, waiter, ice cream guy, stuff like that, right?"

"More or less. Whereas in Idaho?"

"In Idaho we went out castrating corn!"

"Hahaha what?" at this point I have Eddie's full attention, and he sits up straight and approaches me.

"Corn detasseling, I went four years in a row, to Notus"

"What the fuck does detasseling mean? Does corn get castrated?"

Of course now I'm teaching my mini-agriculture lesson that Eddie was dying to hear. On special evenings, couples talk about projects, they slowly discover each other, they flirt. Instead, I talk about how corn has both male and female flowers, explaining that if you remove the male part of the plant it will not pollinate itself, but it can be fertilized by the variety chosen by the farmer, which will not be clipped, thus creating hybrids . 

"In simple terms, the work consisted of walking for hours and hours in the corn fields, pulling the tops off the plants with your bare hands. You started in the morning, when everything was damp, and you ended up in the afternoon, soaked in sweat from the heat. Also because you had to wear long pants and long sleeves if you didn't want to cut your skin completely"

"Sharp leaves?"

"Like fucking razors, Eddie, you don't understand"

"The ideal job for children"

"I'm sure you'll be more understanding with Malachi now"

"Hahaha yes! Now I understand why they rebelled, poor kids"

"I'm pretty sure He who walks behind the rows is actually a child who got lost while corn detasseling, bleeding to death, and now his soul continues to wander in the fields in search of his parents to take revenge"

"Blood red corn from children employed in child labour"

"Those in short-sleeved T-shirts! But I was making twelve dollars an hour..."

"Not bad! Anyway, you were practically working as corn contraceptives"

"We Were Corn's Planned Parenthood "

"So corn has sex too. And more than us, I guess”

"Hahahaha Eddie!" I get up acting shocked, and I go to throw away both the pizza box and the empty beer cans.

"I'd rather not be neutered though"

"You're an asshole! How long have you been circling around the concept to finally get there?"

"It's been a while. Just kidding, kitty"

"I know" I get back from the kitchen.

"It's just that… well, we just got together, we should be in the middle of our honeymoon phase , but I'm never there and I'm so sorry"

"Our phase what??"

"Yes, the first phase of a relationship. When you are constantly looking for each other... euphoria, lots of mutual attention, cuddles, continuous search for physical contact, passion, chemistry... you know?"

"Well, I'd say we still have these things, don't we? They're just more… diluted over time"

"Uh I'd rather concentrate them"

"But that's not necessarily a bad thing if you think about it: it means you'll get tired of me much later" 

"Why do you always have to say stuff like that?" it's not that he's really pissed off, but you can clearly see him frowning a bit.

"Heheh come on, it was a joke"

"I know, but I don't like it when you make these jokes. About me breaking up with you, getting tired or bored… it's like you did that to normalize the thing, to prepare yourself for when it should happen"

"It's not like that" but it's exactly like that, fuck, and I could not have summarized the concept better. If I can't help saying certain things it's not because I want to be reassured by him that they will never happen, but precisely because I know for sure that they will happen and at least that's how I get used to the idea. 

"I'm exaggerating, I know. I don't want to make a drama out of it, it's just that I don't really think about the end of our relationship, I don't wanna think about it, not even as a joke"

"Maybe it's because we've had different experiences, that's all"

"Yeah. Anyway, I didn't want to start an argument, who cares about other experiences, let's think about this one now, ok? And then, especially today" he takes me by the hand and the dimpled smile becomes overbearing again.

"Hehe why today?"

"Well, because it's a special day"

"Wow the fact that you missed me so much flatters me, but does it take so little to make a day special?"

"It always is when we're together, but… this time it's not special just because of that"

"No? For what then?"

"Well, you should know..."

Oh shit. 

"Mmm should I?"

"Angie, what day is it today?" he releases my hands and, arms folded, begins the interrogation.

"Thursday"

"Yes, but what day is it?"

"March 14th"

"And what day is it?"

"Your Birthday is in December"

"It's clearly qnot my birthday. And neither is yours"

"Name day? I didn't know you were Catholic"

"No and no" by the fact that he's smiling I know I'm not in trouble, but it's clear that I'm not making a great impression. 

"Were we supposed to do something and I completely forgot about it?"

"No, it's something we've done before, some time ago." he explains to me and when he sees the cosmic nothingness in my eyes he gives me another clue “One thing we did this day”

"But last year in March we didn't know each other, I wasn't even here"

"Don't go back too long"

"What do you mean?"

"A month ago, what day was it?" he rolls his eyes and gives me yet another little help.

"February 14th, Valentine's Day?"

"And where were you a month ago at this time?"

"Dunno, same as the last 18 years? Most likely in bed sleeping"

"No. Think about it, where were you?"

"Wait, yeah, I was on a bus to Seattle"

"Okay, what about a few hours before? Where were you? What were you doing? Angie, you're fucking making me sweat"

"Aaaaaaaaaah! I know! At the bus station! We kissed!"

"BINGO!" Eddie even starts a mini applause, I don't know if it's relief or to take the piss out of me or both.

"Yay! See? I did it"

"So you understand why it's special"

"It was great, yes. At one point I didn't understand shit anymore, but it was an unforgettable moment" he kissed me and I started hearing Depeche Mode in my head and then I couldn't even remember where I was, if he hadn't physically put me on that bus I'd probably still be there.

"Yes and that's when it all started. Well, it's a kind of anniversary, isn't it? It's not an anniversary, but…"

"It's a... Monthliversary! Ahahahahah like welve year olds say, who count months"

"Well, we've been together for a month, so…"

"A month…? What do you mean? Cause you… you count since the kiss?"

"Yes, for me it started from there. Why? Since when do you count?"

"I don't count"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I never asked myself the question. I didn't know I had to count, that's it"

"You didn't know you had to count" he repeats, looking at me almost in amazement.

"I didn't… I explained to you that I haven't really had any regular relationships, right?"

"Are you saying you never counted ?"

“Exactly, the guys I was with weren't interested in those things. And so I never was either. I never celebrated anniversaries, monthlyversaries  or dayversaries or anything really. My relationships were all so short that I never even had time to figure out if I wanted to celebrate"

"Well, it's not that it's essential to have a date. But… no, fuck it, it's not true, I want a date, I need it, so if it's okay with you, February 14th is our day, ok?" his inner debate can be seen very well even from the outside and makes me smile.

"What you call our day ironically coincides with the most hypocritical and commercial holiday in the world, did you notice that?" 

"Of course! And making it our day is the greatest revolutionary act we can do, don't you think?" 

"Well, it's a point of view- WAIT" I don't smile anymore because I just realized it's not a fucking laugh.

"Hehe what is it?"

"You've been talking about this special night for days. Because that's what you meant! Celebrating our… Oh my!  Our monthlyiversary?!"

"Yes, but it's not like we had to do who knows what celebration, what we did is fine"

"But it doesn't count if I didn't know shit! I forgot, do you understand? I feel like shit" I stare at the carpet in the living room and I would like to roll up in it and then be thrown into the landfill in shame.

"Hahaha but no, why?"

"You thought of something sweet and I'm the fucking cold loveless nonaffective girlfriend" I take a pillow from the sofa and sink my face into it.

"Nonaffective? You?? How?!"

"I'm a bitch. Luckily you didn't buy me a gift, otherwise I'd be a total bitch"

"Uhm…"

"Eddie?" his hesitation leads me to remove the pillow from my face and I read his answer on his.

"It's not like I really got you a present..."

"HOLY FUCKIN SHIT" this time I slump directly on the armrest of the sofa.

"But it's a thing for both of us, not necessarily to celebrate the month" he tries to sugarcoat the pill as he gets up to retrieve his jacket to take something from his pockets.

"You bought me a present. And I didn't even make you a sandwich. I ordered a pizza. WHICH YOU PAID FOR!"

"Kitty, don't fret" she comes back and kneels on the rug in front of me, making me feel more anxious.

"Advice: NEVER call me Kitty when I'm upset"

"Listen, I only bought two tickets to Neil Young at the Coliseum in April. I would have bought them anyway, apart from the monthlyiversary" he explains, showing me the two white and blue tickets.

"I can't believe you say monthlyversary, you're an adult" I breathe a sigh of relief, even though I still feel like shit.

"Are you trying to make me feel stupid?" thinking about it, I feel stupid for forgetting about it, but how must he feel? He made all this big deal about this special occasion when I wasn't even remotely thinking about it, and what's more, I'm making a Greek tragedy out of it.

"No! It's pretty obvious by now that I'm the dumbass of the couple" Eddie puts the tickets in my hands and then takes them in his own.

"So, what I'm trying to say is that I just took them, regardless of the anniversary, because as soon as I heard about the concert, the first thing I thought was that I would go with you. I thought I'd give you the ticket today because. it seemed like a nice way to say Hey, Angie, I didn't disappear, I'm still here and I want to be with you and do things with you and even though the currents seem to carry me away a lot, you'll never lose me because the currents are always changing, and I'll only ever come back to you"

"You really have a thing for surfing metaphors, no doubt about it"

"Fuck off, Angie. From the bottom of my heart" he kisses me and I can't help but think about how much I love when Eddie tells je yo go to hell.

"Now I have to think about what to give to you that can compete with Neil Young"

"You don't owe me anything" he shakes his head as he gets off the floor and settles down on the couch.

"Ok, what if I want to give you a badass gift for our second monthlyversary? Who'll stop me? This time I'll mark it on my calendar though"

"Haha it's not like we have to celebrate every month now"

"Why not? And how do I make up for my poor figure ?"

"You don't, so I keep the upper hand in our couple dynamics"

"I was already looking forward to the fifth, with the curious interposition between our anniversary and the anniversary of the Bastille Day: the two revolutionary acts par excellence"

"I see you're still fucking with me" I pull away again slipping towards the other end of the sofa, but he follows me and is practically on top of me.

"Who? Me? No!"

"You're sexy when you do"

"So yeah, I'm definitely fucking with you, big time"

"The truth is, you do and say a lot of sexy things, have you noticed that?" 

"Yes, you see that's my upper hand in our couple dynamics"

"This too, very sexy"

"Do you want to, like… go to my room?"

"And you read my mind too"

“But I can't read every single thing"

“No?”

"Uhm no"

"Then I guess I'll have to give you some advice"

"Please, I'm all ears"

#pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #jerry cantrell #alice in chains #stone gossard #eddie vedder #eddie vedder fan fiction #pearl jam #chapters

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Fairy in Cage (Ohara, 1977)

As I've been watching these pinku films, it's struck me how many of them deal with Japan's fascist history that a movie set explicitly during World War II almost seems redundant. (Having seen a few pinkus in a row, while they are obviously better budgeted than American pornos from the same period, it is interesting how many of them have taken place in limited locations. They seem allegorical almost by design.) And while an ostensibly pornographic movie modeled on such events might seem distasteful, after the superlative repellence of something like Star of David: Beautiful Girl Hunter, well, this movie doesn't seem so bad. That being said, while you're supposed to be getting off on the torture scenes here like you do with a lot of these things, I do think it captures something about how torture works in real life. The characters being tortured can say whatever they want, the torturers will find a way to twist their words against them and use them in the service of predetermined conclusions. Nothing is achieved except cruelty. In that sense, it probably has a better view on torture than the majority of American action movies from the past two decades.

I also understand that this movie was heavier on torture than the genre was at the time, and was in fact a boundary pushing move by the Nikkatsu studio, who released it while being prosecuted for some earlier movies. So I do think there's a certain charge to the content here as a result, in addition to the historical and political context the movie takes place in. I also think there's some novelty here in that both a male and a female character are tortured, and that the male character is tortured by a female character, which is not a dynamic I'm used to in these movies. The torture the male character gets is less physically strenuous, although it is not without erotic dimensions.

The star of the piece is Naomi Tani, who I understand is considered the best actress in the genre, and is described in the liner notes of my Blu-ray copy to be the ideal type for these movies. I would probably need to see a lot more of these to confirm those claims, but I think she brings a certain dignity to the proceedings, so that there is some actual empathy for her as she's getting put through the ringer. (She described her experience on this as more physically taxing and harder to fake than some of her other efforts.) I remember her bringing similar qualities to Flower and Snake, which I'm well overdue for a rewatch of, although I remember that movie doing more to give her character an actual arc. Here we certainly feel for her as she's going through this experience, but don't get much of a sense of what she was like beforehand, beyond her place in society. I do think I would have gelled to this more had it fleshed out those dimensions.

#film #movie review #fairy in a cage #koyu ohara

[hotelheartz]

love suite event: room 202 [SO-RA BAEK]

>> use the key on room 202!

Every time you come here, you must play the role of their "ideal." Like some sort of shared fantasy.

So-Ra… she didn’t talk much. Maybe she’d finally open up about herself? Huh, actually, didn’t she mention having a husband…?

The door cracked open slowly, and you took a hesitant step in.

“Knock before you enter.” So-Ra’s regularly soft voice took on a more strict tone than usual. “And please, close the door after coming in.”

Freezing in your tracks, you knocked on the door three times, then closed it behind you. What was this fantasy? She looked quite serious…

“Come, sit.” She beckoned you over, tapping her lap with a glove-adorned hand.

Wait. Huh?!

“Pardon?” You blurted out, thinking you misunderstood, or there was a problem with your communication.

She cracked a smile, giving a gentle laugh; was that the first time you’d heard her laugh? “Do not be afraid, I will not hurt you. I may look a little different than before, but… I’m still your big sister, you know?”

Big… big sister? Did So-Ra have siblings? She didn’t ever mention this, you didn’t think… and she didn’t really seem the type either.

“O—oh, yeah, I’m just a little…” you tried to piece together a statement. “…because it’s been a while.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t want to abandon you, [♡].” She sighed, her smile faltering. “I just… I broke under the pressure. You understand, don’t you?”

Her eyes met yours uncertainly, before she ducked her head, ashamed. Her long fingers tangled in the heavy fabric of her dress, and if she weren’t wearing her gloves, you were sure her fingernails would have drawn blood on her palm.

“But… those rumours they spread weren’t… they weren’t entirely incorrect. So I shan’t… blame you if you despise me.” She continued, wringing her hands.

She seemed lost; a complete one-eighty from her regular demeanour. Her shoulders slumped, the bones on her collar pressing through her taut skin, a scar on her arm peeking out from underneath her long gloves with the action.

“The rumours, right…” you muttered, trying to piece this together. “I, uh, I didn’t believe the rumours were true, So-Ra.”

She laughed dryly, eyes empty. “I’m sorry. I’m a terrible role model.”

“That’s not what I meant, I—“ you paused for a short moment, thinking back on your earlier interaction. “You were only trying to look after yourself, right? I mean, look at you! You have everything you’ve dreamed of… even if you left us behind, we’re alright.”

“But I don’t. I’m selfish, I’m greedy, I…” she bit her lip, sniffling. “I miss everyone, I wish I never left, but I know if I didn’t, I’d hate all of you…” she brushed away a tear with a slender finger. “I just… I can’t bear it.”

You watched silently as she tried her best to repress her tears, covering her face with a hand, and holding her breath. Her breath trembled when she drew one in, her body shaking with it. She wasn’t fully crying, but you could tell that she wanted to.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay...” You suddenly felt the need to comfort her, approaching her with a gentle hand on her bare back. Her skin was cold as ice. “You’re okay, you’re here now, you have me.”

She took a breath, blinking rapidly as she wiped her tears. “Dear lord… my little sibling is comforting me. I’m so sorry for all of this, you shouldn’t be…”

“Even big sisters need comforting sometime, So-Ra.” You smiled at her, pinching her cheek. “So don’t try to do everything yourself! Let your li’l siblings help sometimes!”

“…I suppose you’re correct.” She said, looking up at you, examining your form. “You’ve gotten taller since you were ten… it’s been a really long time, hasn’t it? I don’t suppose you’d like to… catch up?”

“I’d be delighted, big sister.”

#똑똑 ♡

[chaney90bentley]

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[kpop-zone]

Itzy reaction to falling for a staff member

Yeji

Yeji didn’t know how you had managed to catch her attention in only a split-second, but she knew that it would be a huge problem. How was she supposed to look at the camera when the person behind it was the most stunning one that she had ever seen? While the PD was explaining to them how this filming day would go, Yeji couldn’t stop stealing glances at you. Everything about you was simply mesmerizing. Even her members started to notice her weird behavior.

“Yeji, where are you going? Here’s your spot. The PD-nim has just explained it to you. What’s wrong with you today?”

Ryujin asked confused when her leader walked into the wrong direction and Yeji bashfully walked to her spot.

“Of course. I knew that.”

She chuckled nervously, but her members stared at her suspiciously. They weren’t used to seeing her this unfocused.

“Are you ok?”

Lia probed concerned and for a moment, Yeji wondered whether she should tell them the real reason for her distractedness. Then, however, she figured that her little crush on you was too insignificant to talk about. This was a professional working environment, she couldn’t and wouldn’t let it show.

“Yes, I’m just still a little tired. But I’ll give my best now!”

Yeji smiled while holding her fist in the air to give her statement more meaning and her members copied her. They depended on her. So, when the shooting began, Yeji tried to stick to her promise. She wanted to be a good leader and role model. Sometimes, however, when the camera wasn’t focused on her, she couldn’t help but to look at you. And sometimes it even seemed like you were stealing glances at her too. But Yeji didn’t allow herself to read anything into that. The group would always come first, and she didn’t have any time for distractions right now.

Lia

“Honestly I can’t even tell you when it happened.”

Lia whined while letting her head fall to the table with a thud, causing Yeji to pat her back.

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself. The heart simply does what it wants.”

Her leader tried to comfort her, but Lia still couldn’t believe that she had fallen for you. You were just friends and co-workers one moment and the next, her heart suddenly wanted to jump out of her chest every time she saw you.

“What am I supposed to do now?”

Lia pouted in hopes that her members could save her from this unfortunate situation. They could always relay on each other, so Lia hoped that one of them would come up with a sparkling idea. But unfortunately, all of them just looked at each other helplessly.

“I don’t know. Tell Y/N?”

Yuna eventually proposed, causing Lia to gasp.

“Tell Y/N??? Are you insane? Do you know how many things could go wrong? I mean what if my feelings are one-sided? Or what if they aren’t? It’s not like we could date?”

Lia felt like crying. Her situation was plainly hopeless. The only thing that she could hope for was that her crush for you would eventually just disappear. Although she knew that that was a foolish hope. It was more likely that she would perish from pining over you eventually...

Ryujin

“Wow your skin is glowing today, Ryujin!”

You praised Ryujin as soon as you stepped in front of her to do her makeup, causing her to smirk to herself.

“Hm maybe it’s because my day got five times better after seeing you.”

She winked cheekily in hopes to make you flustered, but instead you mirrored her expression.

“Or because you’re drop-dead gorgeous...”

You stated confidently and Ryujin’s jaw dropped.

“What?”

She asked dumfounded, feeling how a blush rose to her cheeks. Clearly satisfied with the effect that you had on her, you grinned from ear to ear and Ryujin shyly looked at her lap. She hadn’t expected you to flirt back. For weeks now, she had used every chance to bluntly communicate her attraction to you, but she had never actually thought that you would reciprocate any of her feelings. Nervously, Ryujin fidgeted with her fingers when you lifted her chin up to start doing her makeup. Flirting with you was a lot easier when she had thought that she didn’t have a chance. Now -all of a sudden- she realized how much trouble she could cause the two of you if she would continue to pursue you. Therefore, she refrained from dropping more flirtatious remarks and thought about the different paths that she could go from here instead. She couldn’t really risk both of your careers for this... or could she?

Chaeryeong

“Hi Chaeryeong.”

Happily, you greeted Chaeryeong with a wide smile playing on your lips like every morning. But like every morning, Chaeryeong could barely manage to look into your eyes.

“Hi.”

Her voice was almost a whisper, causing a dark shade of pink to spread in her cheeks.

“What was that? Hi...”

Ryujin laughed loudly while mocking Chaeryeong’s thin voice. The other members joined into her laughter and Chaeryeong hid her face behind her hands in embarrassment.

“Chaeryeong...you really have to stop making an idiot out of yourself every time Y/N is around...”

Yuna giggled and Chaeryeong hit the maknae scoldingly.

“I’m trying! But when Y/N looks at me...ugh...”

She huffed frustrated, causing the other members to laugh even louder.

“Seriously though... Y/N is our manager. You really need to get used to their presence.”

Yeji looked at Chaeryeong with a serious expression before patting her back encouragingly when she started pouting.

“I know but I can’t help it. My heart starts racing every time Y/N smiles or jokes around with us or...”

Chaeryeong started gushing over you but Ryujin interrupted her.

“...just breathes?”

She giggled, causing Lia to punch her when she saw that Chaeryeong was almost dying of embarrassment now. Was she really that obvious? Were you aware of her feelings then as well? Mortified, Chaeryeong let her head rest on Lia’s shoulder, allowing the older member to wrap her arm around her to comfort her. Why did love have to be so complicated?

Yuna

“Hey guys? I have a few questions...”

Yuna asked casually as all of them were lounging in the living room, waiting for their managers to pick them up, causing the older members to make some acknowledging sounds while typing away on their phones.

“So...is an intern a full staff member? Like you know...do the same rules apply to them as to the managers?”

The maknae continued and Yeji looked at her with confusion written all over her face.

“Um...yes they are. They also need to sign a contract.”

The oldest replied hesitantly, clearly not knowing what Yuna wanted with that information.

“Hm ok. So... purely hypothetical, what exactly would happen if a staff member would date one of us?”

Finally, Yuna’s question caught the attention of everyone in the room and all the members dropped their phones to their laps at once. Suspiciously, they eyed the youngest member who tried to win their goodwill by grinning cheekily.

“Why do you want to know all that?”

Ryujin narrowed her eyes and looked at Yuna sternly.

“No reason...”

She replied sheepishly, but the others didn’t buy into her lie.

“This is about Y/N, isn’t it? Yuna, you’re not doing something stupid, are you?”

Lia exclaimed, sounding half panicked, causing Yuna to avoid her gaze.

“Well...”

She trailed off and her members groaned in unison.

“I knew it! I told you guys that she’s flirting!!”

Chaeryeong yelled as she leaped to her feet.

From one moment to the other, agitated chatter broke loose in the living room and a thousand different words hailed down on Yuna. She had known that her members wouldn’t be too excited about her confession, but she had still wanted to get their advice. Especially because she knew herself that a relationship with a staff member wouldn’t be ideal. After seeing the panic in her members faces though, she wondered whether it had been reckless of her to flirt with you so freely the past weeks. Maybe she should wait until after your internship would end...

#itzy reaction #itzy #yeji #lia #ryujin #chaeryeong #yuna #girl group reaction #girl group #itzy x reader #idolxreader #kpop reaction #kpop #girl group imagine #itzy imagine

[oyasuminto]

Can you write school trio headcanons with eden and avery with an idol s/o like she worked hard to get noticed she could get out of this town. Also can all the NPCs be make please?

Avery

He’s not quite sure if he likes your career choice, regardless of reasoning. An idol? Really? Isn’t that a bit childish? Just make sure not to embarrass him.

If you really wanted to get out of town, you should’ve said so. Avery is wealthy, after all. Though he likely wouldn’t have said ‘yes’, he’s annoyed that you didn’t at least try.

Avery might attend your performances, but only if it benefits him in some way, such as getting to meet higher-ups in the industry.

If Avery believes your career has a future, he’ll become your manager, but he’ll expect repayment in the form of sexual favors.

He won’t allow you to sing anything that might damage his reputation.

Eden

What the fuck is an idol? Eden leaves the forest as little as possible, so he has no idea what the hell you’re talking about when you refer to yourself as an idol.

Eden hates the town just as much (if not more) than you do. If you really want to get away, you could just stay at his cabin instead of bothering with this idol thing.

Still, he supposes that the outfits are rather appealing. Maybe don’t wear them around him too much unless you’re willing to deal with tears and cumstains.

Don’t expect him to attend too many of your concerts; Eden avoids the town unless strictly necessary and he’d hate how loud and crowded a concert can get.

He could be a competent bodyguard if he could tolerate the town. At the very least, it’s unlikely for a crazed fan to find his cabin.

Kylar

He's your biggest fan! Kylar owns all your songs, attends all your performances, and is probably the founder of your fan club.

Still, he gets extremely jealous if any other fans try to get close to you. You probably won't be doing any handshake events or proper meet and greets.

He loves drawing all your outfits, it’s good practice for clothing wrinkles and different types of fabric. Also, he desperately wants to fuck you in that one white outfit that vaguely represents a wedding dress.

Kylar would like to leave town too; it’s too dangerous and he doesn’t necessarily see a future for you, him, and your eventual family. He’ll often chat with you about where you’ll both go.

If any of your songs reference him in some way, no matter how vague, he’ll be over the moon!

Robin

He's so proud of you for working hard and achieving your dreams!

He can't entirely blame you for wanting to leave the town; Robin may be somewhat naïve when it comes to how dark and depraved the townspeople can be, but he understands that it's not the ideal place for a rising star.

If he thinks you're overworking himself, he'll force you to take a break, even if it's just a five-minute sit-down. Robin knows that you have to push yourself, but he doesn't think it should come at the risk of your health.

If he has the funds, he'd love to see you perform. Sure, he's seen you practice, but getting to watch you on stage is an entirely different experience, at least to him.

Robin really, really likes seeing you in all your cute, frilly outfits. If he weren't scared of damaging the expensive-looking fabric, he'd ask you to wear them during sex. If you wear a replica that you don't care about ruining, he'd be in heaven.

Whitney

He bullies you mercilessly upon finding out about your little career. Christ, if you wanted to dance around for a bunch of creeps, you could’ve just become a stripper or something!

Whitney makes you model some of your more risque outfits for him, and if he thinks any of your outfits are too modest, he’ll just rip them up a little until they’re nice and slutty.

He’ll attend your performances on a few conditions: you have to wear a short skirt with no panties underneath, he gets front row tickets for himself and his friends, and you’ll spend a little extra time on your knees.

Whitney wants to fuck you backstage and watch you perform with a cum-filled pussy and sore legs.

Honestly, he could be a pretty competent bodyguard if he wanted to, but Whitney finds it entertaining to watch your fans get all riled up.

#Degrees of Lewdity #Avery the Businessperson #Eden the Hunter #Fem Reader #Kylar the Loner #Whitney the Bully #NSFT #Headcanons

[shorkbrian]

Okay hear me out and bear with my dumbass unrealistic thirst for a sec; imagine a real life reader who was obsessed with our anime character shinsou! She eventually gets over him, gets a real boyfriend, removes all those dumb poster, body pillows and photos of him. Only to get pounded on the mattress in the middle of the night by an angry shinsou who was watching everything behind a screen ✍️( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)💅 This is so unrealistic I'm so sorry—

This was supposed to be a Drabble but man? idek anymore what am I doing everything I do SUXXs lol 

(also you aren’t a dumbass lol that's MY job)

Okay wait but what if it wasn’t Anime Character! Shinsou but instead was like, Famous Instagrammer! Shinsou   👀

Like maybe he’s a model or does dance covers on youtube and has quite a few (2+ mil) followers. Dude’s got merch, t-shirts and photo cards and even a special edition body pillow (that you were lucky enough to buy before it sold out).

You follow him for years, from the time you were in middle school to now, watching his career, tuning into every instagram live and watching every story and following every fan account.

Freshman in college, you send him a message on instagram, A picture of you with a body pillow with his face plastered on it. You tell him how big of a fan you were, how you loved each picture that he released, you’ve been following him since day one and are so proud of how hard he worked to get where he is today.

Of course, nothing comes of it - you don’t think Shinsou even read it, but that almost has an appeal, doesn’t it? He’d never notice you, never know how obsessed you were with him back in high school, wouldn’t tease you for liking him so much. He was unattainable, an ideal so out of reach that you could safely idolize and love and imagine being with. You would never have to worry about the stress of him being in your life, whether to tell him about your giant crush or suffer through each day pining after someone who knew of your love, but didn’t love you back.

You were just another faceless fan in the crowd.

How do you know Shinsou doesn’t know who you are?

When he was first up-and-coming, he checked every account that followed him, excited to meet people that liked him, praised him for his talent, admired his hard work and commitment.

For some reason, you stood out to him, supporting him behind your screen. He noticed every comment you left on his posts, looked to see if you liked each picture, asked his agents if anyone with your name had bought his merch.

Eventually he made a burner account to follow you back, find you on snapchat, facebook; any social media of yours he could get his hands on.

Just as you were a fan of him, he was a fan of you.

But how were you supposed to know?

For some reason, Shinsou could never get himself to reach out to you. Shoot you a message and thank you for your unwavering love and support. And by the time he built up the courage, he was too big and too popular that his management wouldn’t let him respond to individual fans.

So Shinsou watched.

He learned how to track IP addresses and hack into a phone (it was harder than he thought), all for you. He wrote down your address and took note of the apps you had on your phone, eventually learned how to access your camera on your laptop and would check in on you whenever he could during his busy schedule.

For as much as you watched him, he watched you.

And it wasn’t creepy, how could it be? He wasn’t doing anything wrong, or bad. His life was broadcasted for everyone to see, and since you loved him so much, you wouldn’t mind your idol getting a glimpse into your life.

Sometimes he would sit down between shoots, pull out his phone to watch you in your college classes, typing away diligently on your laptop as you too notes, face scrunched in concentration.

If you left your laptop open at night on your desk, Shinsou would check in and see you curled around his body pillow, squeeze his own pillow tighter (if only it was you) in return.

He learned so much about you. But as the years went by, Shinsou found himself featured less and less in your life.

The pictures plastered on yours walls were slowly removed, replaced with pictures of you with your friends, out doing normal stuff that Shinsou wished he was able to do. His management would never let him go hang out at diners, or go to concerts unless it was some endorsement. You got to do all the things Shinsou couldn’t

You slowly stopped leaving comments on his post, you didn’t buy his merch anymore. Worst of all, you got rid of the body pillow and replaced it with an actual boyfriend.

Shinsou was hurt. You were supposed to love him, not some stupid classmate of yours. Shinsou had to watch as the two of you cuddled close to watch a movie on your laptop, sharing popcorn and buttery kisses.

It made him ache inside.

His biggest fan had replaced him.

One night he checked in to see you had left your laptop open on your desk again, giving him a perfect front row seat to you.... and your boyfriend...... having sex.

Shinsou snapped.

He still had your address - you had never moved out of your hometown. It was just a few hours from his next photoshoot, so he started planning.

He was going to make you his fan again, whether you liked it or not.

You were only allowed to support him, to love him.

Shinsou was going to make sure you didn’t forget.

#what even is this #yandere #yandere shinsou #yandere shinso hitoshi #yandere shinso x reader #yandere shinsou hitoshi #yandere thoughts #yandere imagines #hitoshi shinso x reader #yandere Hitoshi #i'm sorry for this trash #idek what to say #bro im slipping #big stupid hours here

[blueink2k]

Propaganda in Death Note and How It Played Into Light’s God Complex

[This is based on information from the anime, as I have yet to read the manga for myself. Caps from or references to the manga may be included to emphasize points or provide visuals, but the version of the plot I'm referring to is taken from the anime.]

Light Yagami does not pick up the Death Note knowing he’s going to use it to commit mass murder and become the God of his New World.

Actually, he does the opposite. He kills someone to test it as he’s under the impression it isn’t real, convinces himself it was a freak coincidence, and decides to try it out in a way that will provide a more concrete conclusion. When it does end up working he’s stunned, to say the least.

“I killed them both...I killed two men. Those were human lives. I-It won’t be overlooked. Besides, who am I to pass judgment on others?”

Light Yagami, the perfect, straight-A, model student, has just confirmed he killed two people using some strange supernatural notebook that just happened to fall into his hands. He’s always believed strongly in his morals. He’s been on course his whole life to join the police force like his father an deliver justice, and here he is, an indirect murderer. 

So what does he do about it?

...He comes up with a reason to justify himself. 

The people he killed were criminals. Mere scum who do nothing but rot and infect the world. Wouldn’t everyone be better off without them? It isn’t that he’s never considered this before, he has, albeit not to the same degree as taking their deaths into his own hands. But now that he has the power to do so, why shouldn’t he? He’s smart, he’s determined. He’s capable of it.

In fact, in his mind, he’s the only one who is.

He’s kind of right. He’s the top of his class, he comes out on top in national tests, he barely even has to try. Plus, he’s the only one that has a Death Note, and therefore the power to do this. 

At this point in time, he doesn’t consider himself a god. He doesn’t want to rule the world, he just wants to change it. Something else important to note is that he doesn’t refer to himself as Kira or anything other than Light. 

...That is, until...

Websites start popping up all over claiming that whoever this mass murderer is is named “Kira”, a god among men risen to punish criminals and save the world.

Two things to note here;

Apparently, “Kira” is returning, meaning there must have been some kind of previous belief in an entity that either did something similar to Light or had the same beliefs. There isn’t any other canon mention of a previous Kira, and this in and of itself is pretty vague, but given that there’s tons of religions in real life that have never had a big breakthrough, it’s reasonable to believe this could be something similar. That, or a creepypasta. Or a cult.

Light created this understanding that he had to be the one to change the world to cope with his murders. Actually - that might be the worst way to put it, since we know how strongly he feels about justice and being given an outlet to carry out this wish of world peace just enhanced this, but nonetheless... It’s impossible to assume he’s doing all of this without even a speck of guilt. Therefore, this is the first hint of appreciation or even just acknowledgement that what he’s doing is right. 

Disregarding the first point (as interesting as I find it), this is really the first time Light is ever told what he’s doing is good. His own father - who he idolizes -considers Kira evil. His sister flat out says she hates him. Of course, this is all after Kira actually does become popular, but still, all he receives from that point on is disapproval from the people he cares the most about. The online love for Kira is all he has.

So, yeah, he probably internalizes it.

He thinks he’s doing the right thing. He thinks he’s giving others justice. He thinks he’s the only one who can do this. Others agreeing is only enhancing this. They’re the ones who call him God.

As the story progresses, Kira’s power and popularity grows. He gains direct news coverage, people begin sending him names of people to kill, his following grows. So much so, that when someone gets a Death Note and figures out that must be what he’s using, their immediate response is to find a way to contact him.

Cue Misa Amane and Sakura TV.

Sakura TV is a news program known for its unreliability. Demegawa, the director, even says he’s willing to make things up for publicity. And that’s when the Second Kira tapes arrive. 

This, however, is only the first encounter with Sakura TV.

After this, the only direct involvement the police has with it is in the Yotsuba arc, when it’s used to lure out Higuchi. Otherwise the program promotes Kira all on its own, even going so far as to create Kira’s Kingdom - half a scam for viewers’ money, half a way to get more people to see Kira as God. And it works. He gains a following of people who believe he will create a new, better world, and will even give themselves up to help him. 

An example of this following is when a mob of followers attacks the SPK under Kira’s orders. They’re so quick to join in, and are even willing to put their names and faces on TV in trust that Kira will not kill them.

All of this publicity sparks fear in the general public. People begin fearing that if they do something wrong Kira will kill them, causing crime rates to drop nearly 70% over Kira’s 6 year reign, as well as completely stopping wars.

Demegawa is eventually killed. Other news programs begin scrambling to claim the voice of Kira, topped by NHN, where we are reintroduced to Kiyomi Takada as Kira’s spokeswoman as well as one of his greatest supporters.

Light, as much as he hates Sakura TV and NHN’s depictions of Kira, uses them to his advantage as much as he can.

But really, imagine what this is all doing to him.

At the beginning, he struggled with grasping what he was doing as right. His sense of justice, righteousness, and perfectness shattered by a single notebook. But this is perfect, he figures that if he really wants to fix the world, this is one surefire way to do it. And yeah, his family hates Kira, but online he’s worshiped as God. We already know he has a pretty decent ego, and all of this is doing nothing but fueling it.

To top it all off, as he continues with his killings, his following grows. More and more people begin to support him, every single day there’s news stations upon news stations covering his story, some negative, some positive. People from all over express admiration towards him, even the President of the United States sides with him. He is literally worshiped as Kira, as God.

This all makes it sounds like his god complex starts later in the series, so to clarify; no, he does not pick up the book with plans to become God, but the second people start fueling his ego, the more twisted his ideals and motivations become. He’s the only one who can fix this rotten world. He holds the power of a god in his hands, he does what only a god can do, and everyone treats him accordingly. He is Kira, he is God.

Between websites, news programs, and his cult-like following, Light had enough attention to feed into his ego for a lifetime. He was perfect pre-Death Note. Smart, charming, set for success. There never was a time where he was particularly not narcissistic, it was just that he only felt this way inside of himself. The way he presented to others? A perfect, cool guy persona with an - in all honesty - annoying prickly jerk hiding inside. But no one ever knew this, he never let them know, and because he was always naturally successful it was more of an expectation he just met rather than surpassed, so he wasn’t consistently praised and this incredible self-esteem wasn’t propped up by anyone but himself.

To cycle back to the title of this rant-essay-analysis-whatever you’d like to call it, I want to share some examples about exactly why I even classify this news coverage and whatnot of Kira as propaganda.

Kira’s supporters cause a riot at SPK HQ under Kira’s orders and Demegawa’s direction.

Mikami providing his insight as to why he supports Kira on television, openly promoting Kira and encouraging others to join him.

Takada announces her new role as Kira’s spokesperson on NHN.

Mikami uses his power as Kira to kill members of Kira’s Kingdom, supposed followers of Kira who have been using his publicity to gain money and attention.

Most of this doesn’t exactly look like your standard propaganda posters or news story, but it does fit the overall criteria;

Information from a biased viewpoint used to promote/publicize a certain view (accepting Kira as God)

Shows exclusively positive views on Kira

Assigns Kira positive adjectives and makes him appear as good (God, savior, messenger from Hell), never considering or showing the bad

Presenting only positive statistics (Light does this in his monologue where he brings up the 70% crime rate drop, and given there’s no way he could have calculated this on his own he likely got it from one of these media sources. Not that it’s incorrect, per se, but he does fail to mention how many innocent people he’s killed in order to do this.)

Appeals to regular, everyday people by talking about how he’s doing this for the betterment of the whole world. People who are directly affected by crime are also likely positively impacted by this.

Initiates and spreads fear by explaining how Kira only attacks those who do wrong.

In the end, Light’s personal descent into his god complex, as well as his effects on the world can be attributed to many things, but it would be a crime to ignore just how big of a role news and other types of media played in this without his direct input. To think, if Light had won and overtaken the police like he was going to, he’d have absolutely no problem stepping into his shoes as God. Everyone else already set the stage, he just had to get there first.

-

This is my first Death Note analysis, so please excuse any errors, I just watched the anime for the first time and am doing my best to piece together all of the plot and especially Light’s deep characterization the best I can. If I ever read the manga or find something new, chances are this will be updated. But as for now, it’s finally finished after a week or so of procrastinating. Thank you for reading if you got this far! <3

#death note #light yagami #kira #analysis #anime analysis #rant #essay #hitoshi demegawa #do people even care enough about him to have a tag #💀 #death note anime #teru mikami #kiyomi takada #yagami light #mikami teru #takada kiyomi #long post #meta

[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

To Love or To Lose

Sebastian Stan masterlist - Full masterlist

Summary: Antony convinced Sebastion to take a small vacation to Europe with him. In a mixup of sorts, they end up at the small town bar you work at. There’s a spark between you and Sebastian but they’re only there for a few days before they have to leave again. You’ll be damned if you let Sebastian go that easily.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Fem!Reader

Word count: 3145

Author’s note: Hi, I wrote this very, very quickly at 1am because this was in my dream last night and I couldn’t get rid of it in my head. Yes, this is fully just a story I thought up for myself to insert myself in. I am Dutch. 

‘We’re lost.’ ‘We’re not lost.’ ‘Just admit we’re lost.’ ‘We’re not lost.’ ‘We can just use our phone-’ ‘We’re not lost!’ Sebastian sighs and looks around while Antony tries to figure out the cyclist map they bought in town. He’s sure they’ve cycled for miles but they must’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere. Now they’re in the Dutch countryside, surrounded by fields and farms. ‘Oh, look at this.’ Antony pulls Sebastian’s attention back to the map. He points at a street sign and then to the street as indicated on the map. ‘There’s a town just a little bit away from here.’ ‘Good, let’s go.’ Sebastian hops on his bike faster than Mackie can fold the map and is almost down the street when Antony joins him. They are surprised by the fact that there is a huge intersection just around the corner. ‘I guess you were right,’ Sebastian admits. Mackie just laughs and presses the button for the traffic lights. They cycle down the street to a roundabout and decide to take the first exit even though it seems less busy. ‘We could have a drink,’ Sebastian points out when they pass a small, roadside café. ‘We’ll have a drink at the next one,’ Antony says, still a bit sour that they’re not where they’re supposed to be yet. And no more than half a mile later they spot the next café. ‘Fine,’ Antony sighs. They cross the street and set their bike’s in their respective places in front of the bar. ‘Must be a bunch of alcoholics in this town if they have two bars in the same street,’ Mackie jokes, knowing that half of the people won’t understand him if they aren’t paying attention.

The terrace is quite full but there’s space. They walk up to a small standing table that has a sign on it. Neither of them can read it but they suppose it means something like “Wait here for service.” They see a tall, lanky man with a beard and messy hair walk around the terrace, delivering drinks to the patrons. He makes eye contact with the two and nods at them to let them know he’s coming. ‘Ik kom zo bij jullie.’ A girl rushes past so fast that Sebastian barely gets the chance to look at her. She carries a tray full of tap beer to a table across the terrace with such ease that it looks like second nature to her. Antony nudges him. ‘What do you think she said?’ ‘Probably something about coming over here to help us?’ ‘Yeah, sure.’ Together, they watch the girl as she stands by a table with rowdy men giving her lusting looks and strange smiles. They’re quite obviously very drunk. Sebastian takes a second to take her in as she stands with her back towards them. She has her hair in a kind of half-up, half-down style and wears a copper wrap dress with white specks on it. From the side, Sebastian can see a tattoo peek out from under her dress. She wears white tennis shoes with creme-colored ruffled socks poking out of them. When she turns around with a smile on her face he can see her red lips and blushy cheeks. She walks incredibly fast for someone her height, though she is a bit taller than the average American woman she still looks quite short compared to other people around. ‘Wat kan ik voor jullie betekenen?’ She speaks in Dutch and then she does a double-take. There’s recognition in her eyes as she speaks again: ‘Oh, sorry. How may I help you?’ ‘We’d like to have a drink and some help with our map,’ Antony tells her. ‘Of course,’ she smiles and looks around the terrace, ‘I have a spot down there on the benches or a few under the parasol.’ ‘Seb?’ He takes a look around and finds a nice spot that doesn’t have too much sun but isn’t quite in the shade either. Plus, it’s a bit more secluded. ‘That one over there. Is that okay?’ She looks down at the paper in front of her and nods. ‘Yeah, that’s alright. Have a seat. I’ll be right there.’ ‘Thank you.’ ‘No problem.’ She runs back into the bar to do whatever she has to do. They sit down and watch her dart all over the terrace, stopping shorty to inform her colleague with the beard of something, and then walks over to them. ‘What can I get you?’  She smiles brightly at the two. ‘A beer please,’ Antony says. ‘Make that two,’ Sebastian adds. She nods. ‘Two beers, coming right up.’ And she’s gone again. Before she reaches the door, she seems to be stopped by a guest whose glass is still full. She talks to her briefly and while the woman talking to her seems very serious, she keeps laughing it off. All while darting short glances at them and then the woman she’s talking to points at them. Of course, Antony takes that opportunity to joke around. He points at himself with a questioning look as he catches the woman’s eye. She shakes her head and points at Sebastian. The girl waves it off and quickly runs inside. It takes less than a minute until she’s outside again and standing at their table. ‘What was all that about,’ Antony asks her as she puts the beers down in front of them. ‘Oh, she’s a regular and she was curious why she heard me talk English.’ ‘So why the pointing?’ Her cheeks turn bright red as she clutches her tray with two hands but the look on her face seems to tell a whole different story than her body language. She chuckles. ‘She knows my love life is a mess and she knows I fall for guys like you,’ she tells the two as she looks at Sebastian, ‘I might have to prepare you for her. She’s quite the woman and she’s tried to set me up with guests before.’ Antony laughs. ‘I’m sure we’ll be able to handle her.’ ‘You’re American, right?’ He nods. ‘I’m not sure you’ll be able to handle her.’ With those words, she walks away with a huge grin on her lips.

‘En?’ The woman looks anxiously excited for your answer. You laugh and wave her off. ‘Heb het niet gevraagd.’ I didn’t ask. ‘Waarom niet?’ Why not? ‘Hij komt alleen voor een drankje en ik ben aan her werk. Ik hoor niet met gasten te flirten.’ He’s only here for a drink and I’m working. I’m not supposed to flirt with guests. ‘Dus? Hij is je type en je bent al bijna een jaar niet uit geweest.’ So? He’s your type and you haven’t gone out in a year. You sigh and shake your head. ‘Ik ga hem niet uit vragen.’ I’m not going to ask him out. ‘Dan doe ik het.’ Then I will. ‘Be my guest.’ She gets up from her chair and limps over to the two Americans sitting across the terrace. You can’t help but watch what she’s going to do and your coworker joins you. ‘Wat gaat Sanne doen?’ What’s Sanne doing? ‘Ze gaat een date voor me regelen.’ She’s getting me a date. He looks over at the two men and looks a bit confused. ‘Wacht, zijn dat-’ Wait, are they- ‘Sebastian Stan en Antony Mackie. De winter soldier en de falcon.’ ‘Maar die zijn toch al veertig ofzo?’ Aren’t those two like forty or something? You shrug. ‘Sanne stond erop. Op deze manier laat ze in ieder geval even met rust.’ Sanne insisted. At least she’ll leave me alone for a while after this. ‘Je gaat ervan uit dat ze niet me je uit zouden willen?’ You’re assuming they wouldn’t go out with you? ‘Antony is getrouwd en ik ben vrij zeker dat ze beter dan mij kunnen krijgen. Er staan letterlijk modellen voor ze in de rij.’ Antony is married and I’m pretty sure they can get better than me. Modells literally line up for them. ‘Ze ziet er anders vrij tevreden uit.’ She looks pretty satisfied. We watch as Sanne walks back towards us with a victorious look on her face. ‘Tom, je moet haar vrij geven. Hij zei dat hij met haar uit zo gaan als ze zou helpen met hun kaart. Ze zijn verdwaalt ofzo.’ Tom, you have to give her the rest of the day off. He told me that he’d take her out if she’d help them with their map. They’re lost or something. You could sink into the ground right there and then. Tom checks his watch and seems to seriously consider it. ‘Ja, ga ze maar helpen. T is toch rustig.’ Yeah, you go help them. It’s not busy. Your jaw drops. Tom can be quite lazy and often keeps you on until closing so he doesn’t have to do everything alone. ‘Je maakt een grapje.’ You’re kidding, right? He nudges you towards the door of the bar, knowing that you’ll have to write down your hours and grab your phone before you sit down with them. ‘Nee, kom op. Dit meen je niet.’ No, come on. You’re not serious. ‘Y/n, maakt niet uit wat er gebeurt, dit is een geweldig verhaal om te vertellen op feestjes. Ga gewoon.’ Y/n, it doesn’t matter what happens, this’ll still be a great story to tell at parties. Just go. Sanne puts her hand on your shoulder as she says it. You sigh and take your loss. Or win. However you want to look at it. ‘Wat wil je drinken?’ What do you want to drink? Tom asks as he trails behind you into the building. ‘Doe maar een biertje.’ A beer would be nice. He nods and gets to tapping while you fill in your hours in the folder behind the bar and take your phone out of a drawer under the coffee machine. ‘Ik haat je.’ I hate you. ‘Tuurlijk.’ For sure. Tom hands you your beer and you head outside to sit down with Sebastian and Antony. You grab a chair and pull it towards their table. When you sit down, both men have an astonished look on their faces. ‘They actually gave you the day off,’ Antony asks, ‘all because your love life isn’t ideal?’ ‘You clearly underestimated how terrible my love life is,’ you joke. ‘Well now you’ve gotta tell us everything,’ Antony urges as he leans back in his chair. ‘I don’t have to tell you anything.’ ‘I’m supposed to take you on a date, so I would like it if you did tell me something,’ Sebastian says. ‘You really don’t have to,’ you tell them, ‘I know she’s a scary woman but she won’t kill you or anything. Besides, you won’t ever see either of us again once you leave.’ ‘That’s fair but this is a great story,’ Sebastian shrugs. You scoff and scoot your chair a little closer. ‘Sure. Now let’s see this map of yours.’

“We found it.” Sebastian sends the text and drops his bag in his room. It takes only a few seconds until you send a message back. “Yay, good job.” He smiles as he sits down on his bed and types his response. “Nah, that was all you.” “I wouldn’t be too grateful. I am going to cyberbully the shit out of you.” “Sure.” There’s knocking on his hotel room. He calls for the person to come in, knowing it’ll probably be Mackie and it is. ‘Hey man,’ he says and sits down in a nice chair across the room. ‘Hey,’ Sebastian replies, ‘you got a good room?’ ‘Great. Say, are you going to go back to take our tour guide on that date?’ Sebastian shrugs. ‘I was thinking about it but she’s quite a bit younger.’ ‘That’s what I was thinking,’ Antony says with a nod. ‘But I still think you should do it.’ ‘Hold on, why?’ ‘She said something on the terrace that kind of stuck with me.’ He gets up from his chair and walks over to the window to look out over the busy Amsterdam streets. He looks a bit disappointed by the view. He preferred the small town. ‘You will probably never see her again after you leave.’ ‘What?’ ‘She’s from a small town, she works in the town’s bar, no one has a clue who you are around there. And I saw how you looked at her. So why not take a chance? Best case scenario, you have a fun date. Worst case scenario, you have a great date and are stuck with feelings for a woman who lives across the world. Either way, she’s fun to be around.’ Sebastian is shocked for a second but Antony is spitting straight facts. Y/n was a joy to talk to while she was helping them figure out their next move and what does he really have to lose? ‘You’re right.’

~Two months later~

‘Sebastian, we heard you finally took a trip with Antony Mackie. Do you have any stories?’ The fan looks smug as she asks it like she knows something. Like she knows what he and Mackie know. He adjusts himself in his seat and puts the microphone to his mouth. ‘We went to the Netherlands and when you’re there you have to go cycling. We got lost and Mackie refused to use his phone to look for where to go so we ended up in a small local bar where the waitress helped us find out that we were actually cycling towards the wrong city. We wanted to cycle to Amsterdam and we ended up in Amersfoort.’ And then I fell for the waitress who showed us around the city to make sure we had a good time either way even if we could’ve just taken a taxi to Amsterdam. We stayed longer than we should’ve and I miss her. But he doesn’t say that. He couldn’t. ‘The waitress,’ the interviewer asks in disbelief, ‘she could speak English?’ ‘The Dutch are actually great English speakers.’ ‘Was the waitress cute?’ Sebastian laughs. ‘She was adorable,’ he says, trying to play it off as a joke, an exaggeration, ‘but she was really smart. She helped us figure it out and even helped us to get back to our hotel.’ ‘You didn’t sneak her in, did you?’ ‘Oh, no, no. She just told us what to do and where to go.’

Sebastian walks through his apartment when his phone goes off. He checks the screen to see Mackie’s name pop up and he sighs. He knows what he wants to talk about. The interview went up just an hour or so ago. ‘I know,’ Sebastian says as he presses his phone to his ear. “Just for good measure, I’m going to tell you anyway. Call her.” ‘I can’t do that to her.’ “To her or to yourself?” ‘It’s too much of a distance. Even for long-distance.’ “She told you she’s thinking of moving to Canada.” ‘Doesn’t mean she’ll move here with the probability of a relationship. And a relationship in the spotlight.’ “So you’re going to deny you felt something?” ‘I’m not going to deny it, I just-’ “You’re going to bottle it up until it eats you alive in hopes of losing feelings.” Antony sighs. “Seb, this girl was made for you.” His phone starts beeping. ‘Hold up, I’m getting another line.’ “Sebastian, don’t-” He hangs up and picks the other call up without checking who is calling. He just wanted to get rid of Mackie for bothering him about Y/n again. ‘Hello?’ “Oh, hey.” Sebastian freezes at the sound of your voice coming through the speaker. “I didn’t think you’d pick up this fast. I need some help.” ‘From me?’ “Yes, I seem to have taken a wrong turn while cycling to Amsterdam.” She giggles softly. “And now I’m lost in New Amsterdam.” ‘New Amsterdam?’ He feels his stomach tingle at the words but he isn’t sure if she’s hinting at what she’s hinting at. “No, wait, they don’t call it that anymore. New York.” ‘You’re in New York?’ “Yeah, some dude with a gap in his teeth dropped me off in front of an apartment complex in SoHo but I think I’ve been scammed.” ‘In SoHo?’ He rushes to his window, struggling to open it with one hand. “Yeah, you know anyone who might have a place for me to rest my head until I figure out how to get back?” He finally pulls the window open and sticks his head out to look down and there you stand. You smile up at him and wave. “Oh, there you are,” she says through the phone. ‘I’ll be right down.’ He doesn’t waste another second. He pulls on his shoes on his bare feet, hopping as he goes. Snatches his keys from the table and sprints out, not really caring that he looks a mess. He runs down the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator, and bursts out the door. You smile at him and he freezes, suddenly realizing you’re really here. ‘Wow,’ he mumbles, ‘it’s you.’ ‘Hey,’ you say as you bite your lip. He leans in slightly and then Sebastian becomes awfully aware of the prying eyes on the New York streets. He wants to hold you, kiss your lips, but he can’t on the street. Not when you just came here. ‘Come in,’ he says as he starts to usher you inside. He walks you to the elevator and presses the button. It opens right away and the two of you step inside. He notices you study his face and he feels himself getting nervous. ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Trying to figure out if you’re actually happy to see me or just scared that I’m a stalker.’ ‘I’m happy to see you,’ he tells you as he suppresses a smile. You don’t. You smile brightly as you take his hand. The feeling is familiar and yet a little nostalgic after being apart for two whole months. ‘I’m happy to see you too.’ The elevator door opens and he shows you to his door. It’s only then that he notices you don’t have anything with you. ‘Did you jump on a plane like this?’ ‘No, I got a hotel room just in case I read you all wrong when you left.’ You take off your shoes as you step inside, something you also did at your own place when you took him home. He smiles and wraps his arms around your waist. ‘You didn’t’. Your arms slide around his neck as if they’re meant to be there. He slowly dips down and presses a kiss to your lips. ‘Good, ‘cause you’re stuck with me two weeks.’ ‘And after that?’ ‘I either introduce you to my parents or I go back.’ ‘Go hard or go home.’ ‘Exactly.’

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x fem!reader #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fanfiction #winter solider x reader #bucky x reader

[coexiising]

Fade Into You - Chapter Three

SUMMARY ✦ You learn the truth about Lord Vader & disobey the Council's orders.

WARNING(S) ✦ choking (in a non sexual way)

MASTERLIST ✦ Here.

The cup of tea placed in your hands had long run cold as you still sat in the middle of the ring of Jedi Masters. The Corscuanti sun was starting to peek just along the horizon, illuminating the room more and more with each passing second. It was easy to feel the tension in the room, thick enough to cut with a knife while every single Master kept their eyes on you, the only stop in their gaze was when they blinked.

You weren’t sure how long you’ve been sitting here for under their watchful gaze, like they thought you were going to spontaneously combust or crack under the pressure. You thought that this was supposed to be the moment they told you everything. It wasn’t hard to notice that they were obviously keeping something big from you. Whoever this person was . . . Vader, he was something (or much rather, a Sith) that they knew about. But why were they keeping it a secret from the rest of the Order? Why would they keep something so dangerous like a new Sith a secret, when it was clear that there was something going on deep within the shadows of the Force.

You almost wanted to say something. Being in this silence was deafening in the worst way imaginable. Luckily, it seemed as though Obi-Wan had taken pity on you, and opened his mouth to say, “Well, should we get on with it?” The man looked tired, obviously having been woken up by your screams not even an hour ago. “She’s shaking.” Which you were, for the record, though you weren’t sure if it was because of their stares or the fact that you haven’t been getting much sleep in the past couple of days that you felt as though you were on the verge of collapse.

The droid who gave you the cup earlier came around again and refilled it. You attempted to settle your nerves by taking a sip of the warm drink.

“Keeping secrets, we have,” Master Yoda stated, his small green hand gesturing towards you. He sat within eyesight, so you could see the curiosity in his face. “But this connection . . . See, we did not.”

You looked at him quizzically. “What kind of connection are you talking about?”

“It is certain that the Force has drawn you and this Sith together, for what reason, we do not know,” Master Windu said. “Force wielders always have heightened dreams, but the fact that you are being connected to someone with such a dark power, it is troubling. We have to ask, have you been using the dark side of the Force, Knight Y/N?”

What, were you on trial now? Was this all just an elaborate game to try and get you to confess to something you weren’t even guilty of? You were a Jedi, bound to the light side of the Force and sworn to the Order, why would you ever even think about leaning towards the dark side of the Force? You were almost offended that he was asking, and that all the other Masters were listening intently, as though they were waiting for some kind of confession of guilt. You wished that this would all be over, you wanted things to go back to normal, before Vader, before everything.

“No, I haven’t been using the dark side of the Force, Master,” Your last word digging in rather harshly as your attention moved to the spot Windu sat. “Like I said before, I don’t know why these things are happening to me. I don’t know how I could’ve formed this connection with this ‘Vader.’ I haven’t even met him!” You tried not to scowl, because as much as you wished you could, Master Windu was still your superior.

“What does he say to you in these dreams. Does he ever mention a place?” Master Plo-Koon asks.

Your thoughts take you back to what Vader said about meeting him on Mustafar. If you told them that, then maybe they would send a team there and this would all be over with. Then everything would go back to the way things used to be. And you wanted that, though, you could feel yourself beginning to pull back from the idea. For some reason, it felt wrong for you to tell them what Vader had said, like you would be betraying him in some way. It astonished you, how you were thinking of reasons not to give away the location of a Sith. It was so unlike you, but everything about this was crazy. Which is why you looked down at your cup, your eyes watching a tiny tea leaf dance around in the water as you said, “No. He never said anything like that.”

You were waiting for one of them to catch you in the lie, though when you looked back up at the gazes of the Masters, they all seemed quite relaxed, like they didn’t even notice the quivering in your voice. Lying for a Sith . . . Perhaps it was the dark side after all.

“It took some strength to talk to him. But when I did, he said that he wasn’t influencing anything,” You said.

You heard Master Windu chuckle. “Well, he was certainly lying. How else could it have been formed? That doesn’t even make sense. If it wasn’t you, it had to be him.”

“Master, I don’t think that he was lying,” You told. “He never even tried to harm me-”

“A Sith is not to be trusted, Y/N,” He said. And maybe he was right. You probably sounded crazy trying to defend Vader.

Master Mundi sighed. “Still, we owe you an explanation. We knew that there was a presence of a new Sith for some time now. And with some of our sources in the Outer Rim, we’ve heard whispers of the name Vader. Only, we didn’t want to tell anyone until we were certain that there was something to tell. Now, with the presence of your dreams, it seems like it is now certain that we are dealing with another Sith.”

Another moment of silence fell upon you and the group of Jedi, not knowing what to say. You didn’t know if you were to be angry or to simply let it slide. Instead, you simply said, “Well, what do you think I should do about the dreams?” You would need to sleep at some point, and you didn’t feel like waking up a screaming mess every time that you attempted to get at least a few hours.

And the Masters all started talking, though not to you, amongst themselves. You could scream at the sheer annoyance of all of it, how they always did that. They always talked like you weren’t in the room with them, like you didn’t get a say on whatever they thought was right. Of course you understood that there was a hierarchy here, but it didn’t stop you from getting angry that these people had authority over you sometimes. It felt like an eternity of them talking, you silent and attention drifting off to other points in the room, then suddenly they all seemed to come to some type of conclusion.

You raised your eyebrow to say ‘well, what is it, then?’

“We want you to stay as far away from this Sith as possible. Obviously we cannot have control over your dreams, but do not engage him. And you will be staying at the Temple where you are safe. We do not know if this Sith will try and get you with him,” Master Obi-Wan told you. You looked at the ground, realizing that this meant you wouldn’t be allowed to go on any missions. It wasn’t ideal, especially with the Clone Wars raging on. You wanted to be where you were best: Bringing peace to the Galaxy. Though there was no arguing with the Council. They had made their decision and you had to live with it.

A few other words were passed until you were being ushered out of the room towards the elevator that led you back down to the center of the Temple. It was still early in the morning, there was no one in the hall when you stepped out into it and you could still feel the Force Signatures of several sleeping Jedi. You stopped in the middle of the hallway. To your left was your room, where you had been instructed to go to meditate before you started your day like usual. But to your right was the way to the hangar, where you could easily get onto a ship and get to the bottom of things on your own terms, knowing the exact location where the Sith was.

No. You had been specifically told to not engage the Sith at all. And that had been just in your dreams . . . It would be far worse if you were actually in the same place as him. But as much as you wanted to turn and go towards your room, it was as though the Force was pushing you the other way. It wanted you to go see him, as though you were both magnets trying to connect. You should be more scared at the fact that the Force, something unknown and completely under researched by even the most powerful of Jedi, was trying to get you to meet such a mysterious powerful man. Still, you felt a sense of calm wash over you thinking about going to Mustafar to see him. Maybe that was what you needed to do, maybe the second you met with him all of this could get figured out.

At least, you hoped.

So you started towards the right, making your way down the large hallways still huddled over in your large brown blanket. You made inventory in your head, knowing that there would be supplies of food rations and anything else needed for basic survival, and you already had your lightsaber clipped to your utility belt that you carried everywhere. In no time you were walking into the hangar, lines of different models of ships awaited you, and there were only a few clone workers that you knew wouldn’t even question as to why you were here.

You settled for a smaller ship, one you had worked with before that was fairly easy to pilot. After all, Coruscant was situated near the Deep Core of the Galaxy, where Mustafar was in the Outer Rim. The quality of your ship's hyperdrive engine was in good condition, so hopefully you would get far enough away before any suspicions of where you had gone arose. Though, thinking back to what information you gave away to the Council, they didn’t even know where you were headed.

You hopped on the ship and started the engine. No one even batted an eye.

~

It was a long journey before you were in the atmosphere of Mustafar, looking for a place to land your ship where it wouldn’t be enveloped in the lava. It was all too familiar of your dreamworld, meaning that this had to be the place that Vader and you had met, only, you didn’t see the building built of obsidian. Your bottom lip was situated between your teeth, eyes scanning the area for any sign of life or structures of some kind. You knew that there had to be something, Mustafar used to be an old mining colony of the Republic before the lava got too dangerous. It was considered abandoned, which seemed like the perfect place for a Sith to take residence in.

Just as you were about to call it quits, go on your way back to Coruscant and make up some excuse to the Council on where you have been all this time, you saw a black building in the distance. It was not much a building and more of a castle, standing tall on the top of a mountain, smoldering lava pooling at the bottom like a moat. There. That’s where he had to be. You could feel it.

It was a swift landing and soon enough you were on your feet again, making your way towards the large stairs that went up from the landing platform. Your heel touched the first one and you heard footsteps behind you. Unsheathing your lightsaber and igniting it, you turned swinging, your blade clashing with a dark red beam that could only belong to one person.

“Now, is that any way to greet an old friend?”

His voice was smooth like molasses but dark, making your heartrate pick up when you were certain that it was Vader standing before you, real this time. You weren’t protected by parsecs between you two anymore. He walked backwards, lightsaber still pointed at you just as you were doing to him. Now that you could see the Sith with your own two eyes, you realized that he was even more breathtaking in person. Vader’s honeyed locks were something to marvel at in itself, curling on his forehead and at the nape of his neck, if you didn’t know any better you would’ve liked to run your fingers through it. His golden Sith eyes were intimating in person, but you almost felt a sense of comfort in them. Overall, you felt calm despite being at the end of a red lightsaber.

“You’re not a friend, Sith,” You spoke, keeping your guard up. “I’m only here to know why we’re connected. The Council seems to think that you’re lying to me.”

Vader laughed. “Your Council is useless. Why would I feel the need to connect myself with a Jedi. I have more important things to attend to.”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure you do. What could you possibly be doing on a planet like this?” You rolled your eyes, not falling for that for a second. “It could be valuable to be connected to someone who is in the Order. Then you could gain the upper hand in anything the Republic does.”

“Enough with the bravado, why do you think that you’re that important?” Vader asked, eyebrow raising up. You stood there dumbfounded, not knowing how to answer such a question. “They let you come here, didn’t they? Into the hands of a Sith? Maybe they don’t care about you at all, they’re too wrapped up in their silly little war.”

“I came on my own accord,” You said.

His eyes widened, a smirk coming on his face. “So you went against the wishes of your precious Council? How strange . . .” You watched his gaze go from your face to your body, as if he was sizing you up. You stiffened, not knowing how to act under his watchful eyes, shivering at the way he licked his lips. “That means they don’t know where you are, am I correct?”

You nodded, knowing that there was no reason to lie. “I seem to remember you saying that I could trust you, Sith-”

“Vader.” He interjected.

“Sith.” You pressed on.

“Lord Vader.”

You laughed at his insistence, wondering how he thought that you would ever call him such a thing. He took a step forward and you took one back, continuing this until you could feel hard rock press into your back. You were cornered by him, the only thing separating the two of you was your lightsaber which you didn’t dare move. “You said that I could trust you,” You told him. “Put down your weapon so we can get to the bottom of this and I’ll be on my way.”

A tiny chuckle fell past his lips. “What makes you think that you have the upper hand in this?”

You didn’t respond, your eyes darting from his golden ones to his saber, waiting for him to do as you asked. Tentatively, he set his lightsaber on the ground, and you watched as the red hue of it went back into the hilt. You did the same, unlighting it and dropping it to the ground near his. Neither of you made a move and you didn’t dare say anything, knowing that the smallest thing may set him off.

For a moment you almost thought that this could work, that you two could work together in peace. That was until you felt a Force pull you towards him, one of Vader’s gloved hands finding its way to your neck, keeping you in his grasp. His fingers pressed against the side of your throat, restricting some of the air you attempted to suck in. You kicked and punched, trying to get him to let you go, but he didn’t. Instead he walked forward and backed you into the wall again, this time his hand still around your throat and the other was placed firmly on the wall near your face.

The world around you almost disappeared, stars appearing in your eyes as you tried to grasp onto any air that would come into your airway. Vader’s face came to the crook of your neck and you could feel his hair brush against your cheek as his lips came to the shell of your ear. His hot breath sent shivers down your spine as he whispered:

“Never trust a Sith.”

Your vision went black.

#Anakin Skywalker #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x you #star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars prequels #star wars fanfiction #sith anakin

[agent-cupcake]

just curious, what’s your favorite and least favorite character design? my least fav for sure has got to be female byleth for reasons i don’t want to get in to yep ok have a good day 😁

IOops this accidentally became a rant, sorry

Okay so, to preface this all, I’m not a character designer and I’m actually pretty bad at it, but my rule of thumb with really unappealing or fan-service outfits is whether or not it makes sense character-wise and how much it tells the player about the character. For example, I think we can all agree that there’s quite a bit of fan-service elements in Hilda’s design. Boob window. However, it’s not unrealistic to imagine Hilda picking out those clothes for herself. Her costume tells you almost everything you need to know about her character on a visual level. She’s confident, pretty, attention-grabbing, and high maintenance while the gloves and laced girdle give a nod to her Viking-maiden roots.

Taking it to female Byleth, I don’t think that her outfit works on either front. Her design is definitely my least favorite and it’s not helped by the fact that you have to look at her at all times. Whatever. The huge, solid mass of boobs, the buttoned bib, the big eyes, the feather hair, the bellybutton, the ripped tights, the booty shorts. She’s a merc out in life and death situations with an accessible, pale, tacky 2000′s “stab me” stomach cut out and a wedgie. Which could be excusable if, like Hilda, there was reason to believe that that her costume was character choice. But she doesn’t really have much character, and what there is gives the impression of a very stoic, dry, blunt person. I have no idea why they’d have gone that route when the sexual appeal of more “utilitarian” costuming (aka, form fitting armor that at least pretends to be functional) for characters like her is scientifically proven AND would say more about the singular personality trait she possesses. Okay, well, I know why they didn’t do that and I think it’s lame. This dysfunction of “character designer wanted a sexy girl but it’s kinda random and just shoved in the game without any thought” actually reminds me a lot of Xenoblade 2′s leading ladies, Hikari and Pyra. Although considering that their bad designs led to a lot of people hating the game for superficial reasons while accepting female Byleth’s design, I guess I’m just bitter. Jumping to a different comparison, then, look at 2B from Nier Automata. Her design is fine as hell which is kinda hypocritical of me considering that it's explicitly fan-service, but I think it also shows the most damning thing for female Byleth. Her whole look, despite having a dozen different element thrown in, is boring. Maybe it’s the colors (dressing her in all black and white would have been really interesting considering the colors of the three lords are so heavily emphasized as a part of their characters) or maybe it’s just the way the desperate elements come together. But, like I said, I'm not even slightly knowledgeable about character design and I know that despite Three Houses being mostly separate, they had to appeal to a larger aesthetic brand to which I have little experience with. And, ultimately, a lot of people find her cute or sexy which...To each their own, I suppose. I don’t pretend that fan-service doesn’t work on me (2B... Cloud’s arms in the remake... Seph's shirtless Smash skin...) but when it’s this obviously inserted in by the character designers rather than feeling organic in any way AND looks bad I'm just not super interested.

The other worst designs for me would be all four of the Ashen Wolves post timeskip. I don't think it's controversial to say that they didn't try with the clothes, even if I love their designs from the neck up (Yes, even Balthus. He looks like the type of guy that would let you sit on his shoulders at a rock concert so you could see the stage). While there are other designs I think are unappealing, those are for purely aesthetic reasons and so I can't maintain the opinion that they're actively bad or that I even truly dislike them.

As for favorite looks... I actually have a few so sorry you're getting all of them because despite the shit I'm talking, I actually really really love the character designs in Three Houses. 

Ferdinand's post timeskip is one of my favorite designs, if not my favorite. The hair, the coat, the armor, the spurs, the colors. You know exactly who Ferdinand von Aegir is just by looking at him. He’s wealthy, handsome, confident in his appearance, a hero, a princely type character, his battle form is mounted combat which is traditionally aesthetically reserved for nobility and leaders... I love it. The only reason I cannot say he IS my favorite is because of the three Lords. But before them, my honorable mentions include post timeskip Hilda, Dorothea, Lorenz, Felix, and Hubert. Granted, I could make a case for why I like almost all of the student’s post timeskip looks.

For the Lords, I obviously have to start with colors because, weirdly enough, Persona didn’t invent primary colors but are actually used as shorthand. Blue is the color of honor, loyalty, sincerity, sadness, and depression. Something I’ve always found very interesting is that blue is very rarely found in nature. To me, that’s always made it seem more lonely which, at least in this case, is thematically relevant. People call Dimitri boring pre timeskip and while I won’t defend his hairstyle (okay, actually, I probably would because he tucks it behind his ears and idk why but that’s one of the cutest things ever) I really like how unassuming he is. Bland. He’s supposed to be the plain shortbread cookie to caramel deLite Claude and strawberry meringue Edelgard. It is not in his character to draw attention to himself or stand out. To me, he kinda looks like an old Barbie prince, like he should have been named Dominic. Also I love the blue eyes/blonde hair thing and his more angular features. It really helps to sell him as the fakeout chivalrous prince type. Post timeskip, Dimitri's black armor is amazing. I love the fact that it’s a lot more intricate up-close with the different little shell-like pieces and the fact that his boots are furry. I love the big cape and the black and white fur around his shoulders. It’s really cool how they used his costume to change the shape of his in-game model to match the bodily proportions of the character art. It’s easier to see when you change his costume into the DLC ones, but the fur and cape build up his shoulders and chest look more broad while keeping that tiny little waist. The choice to give Dimitri an eyepatch is probably my favorite thing about this design. It’s genuinely inspired. Such a simple detail yet it tells the player everything they need to know about adult Dimitri when they see him post timeskip, in one frame the player can begin to understand the extent of his loss over the past five years. The subtle shadow under his eye in the first few Azure Moon chapters and the messy long-ish hair really help to sell the feral prince aesthetic as well, as it’s from those small cues the player gets that he’s exhausted (in more ways than one) and doesn’t maintain himself. None of these things are intentional choices by Dimtiri, they’re the result of what his character has been through.

Yellow is an intense, energetic color. Mostly, people think of it as being warm and inviting, the color of the sun and positivity. That intensity can be overwhelming, though, too visually demanding when compared to its primary counterparts. Don’t stare at the sun too long. Buuuut, it’s okay to stare at Claude. Claude not wanting to wear tight pants in either of his costumes is not only a mood, it is iconic. Pre timeskip, the softer lines of his silhouette makes him look kinda slouchy, kinda lazy. Like he’s not too concerned with appearances. But those adorably messy curls, the little braid, the clearly tended eyebrows, and earring make it clear that he DOES care about appearances and is very aware of his allure. And that’s before he even starts winking. It is honestly so in character that as many people picked him first on the basis of being thirsty, that feels like an intentionally Claude thing even if it was inserted by the designers. The contrast of his complexion with his seagreen eyes is gorgeous and instantly adds a kind of mystery and intrigue to him considering the setting... but it’s sf funny that nobody looked at bronze god Claude among a sea of white faces and thought something was up. Post timeskip, they used the same trick like they did with Dimitri to change Claude’s in-game model to match his canon appearance. The way they designed his uniform makes him not look as twink-ish, like he’s actually muscular and imposing and has the strength he’d need to shoot a war bow with a 120lbs draw weight. Also like Dimitri, you can instantly tell what Claude’s been up to. Like, he was very pretty pre timeskip but when he shows up in the Goddess Tower after those five years in all that gold, he demands your attention. Like a gentleman general with the excessive aesthetic ideals of the Alliance and details to imply his heritage. The quilted pants are amazing from both an aesthetic and practical standpoint. He’s a mounted unit riding a creature with scales, of course he’d want something on his legs for protection. And the chinstrap. I love that so much, it definitely makes him look more adult. He’s got such a cute soft baby face, it’s fun imagining him experimenting with different styles during the five years to get the most desired physical reaction to him as a leader. 

Frenchfries, meet forehead. No, actually, Edelgard’s design is really fantastic. Claude and Dimitri both have realistically colored eyes and hair and then there’s Edelgard. Dimitri shrugs off attention physically and Claude shirks it with a wink but Edelgard commands the players attention from the very start. Although I’m sure there’s a lot of things to associate with white hair and purple eyes, my first thought was Daenerys from Game of Thrones. Otherworldly beautiful by with an edge. Red, of course, is The power color. Strong emotions, love and hate. Red is also associated strongly with blood, which is very important to Edelgard’s plot. Granted, I think the red and black association is even more powerful than JUST red and red is the cheapest play to make in regards to displaying villainy (I mean, there are some pretty universally recognized associations with red and black and it led to people making some unfair comparisons between Edelgard and a famous dictator) but I think it was effective and well used and I genuinely enjoy its use in her case. Anyway, if I had a major complaint about her design it would be the weird ashy color of her hair whereas Lysithea’s hair is pure white. Which doesn’t even matter with the AMAZING hair horns. Ram horns can actually symbolize quite a few things, but their association with power and strength is pretty universal I think. They’re also used in demonic imagery. I love that THIS was her alternative to a crown. Edelgard views herself as a force of war and power before she thinks of herself as royalty. She also mentions that she isn’t super vain, but she loves to do her hair, so the hair being the most elaborate part of her look is entirely in-character. Edelgard’s ensemble is, like Claude, very militaristic. I love that they kept her in a dress that embraces femininity without showing skin as that wouldn’t really suit her Also, again, Edelgard demands your attention. She’s dressed all in bright bright red waving around a giant axe. She is a symbol as much as she is a combatant, someone to follow. I didn’t really mention their secondary lord costumes, but a girl in sexy armor is literally everything and I love that they had the balls to put their main sexy waifu girl in full body armor.

Okay I’m sorry I realize this was excessive and probably didn’t need explaining and I’m not sure I even articulated my thoughts properly but anyway I love their designs so here is the positivity I’ll put into the world.

#fe3h #ferdinand von aegir #claude von riegan #edelgard von hresvelg #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #haha i htae byleths design this was all just to justify my abject disgust for the way she looks #nobody sent me anything about dimitri's dick so this is what i've been reduced to

[hallowxiu]

A Chance Meeting

pairing: human!mammon/demon!gn!mc

word count: 5.6k

summary: Never one for fate, you run into Mammon for a second time, albeit in a less than ideal scenario.

a/n: tw: there are mentions of pocket knives and mugging in this one shot.

part two of the demon!mc and human!mammon series. 

part one

“Wow,” Satan comments as he steps into the kitchen, looking around at the disarray of all the dishes on the counters and in the sink. “This is the eighth day in a row you’ve been on cooking duty. And for all meals too, what did you do to piss off Lucifer so bad?” A sheepish smile formed on your lips and you can hear more footsteps coming towards the kitchen. 

“You’re on cooking duty again? I miss Lucifer’s cooking!” Asmodeus stomps his foot and there’s a pout on his lips. You roll your eyes in response, but you didn’t exactly blame your younger brother. Your cooking wasn’t… the best. It certainly wasn’t the worst by any means, but it also wasn’t something you’d want for a week straight. 

“Ah, well, you better get used to my cooking for the next several months. It’s my punishment.” You felt like crying on the spot. Too much cooking, way too much cooking. And to keep Beelzebub fed for so many days? That within itself was a punishment. Satan quirked an eyebrow at your news. 

“What in the Devildom did you possibly do?”

“I uh, well, you see…” You didn’t want to explain this to your brothers, especially the two of them. They were quite ruthless when it came to gossip. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be our role model? No wonder he’s stricter with the punishments.” There’s a cheeky grin on Asmodeus’ face and his eyes twinkle with amusement as he tries to piece together what you must’ve done. 

“Then again, he favors you most, so your punishments aren’t that bad in comparison to ours.” Satan chimes in where Asmodeus left off. With a sigh, you decide to tell them. You knew they’d never leave you alone if you didn’t.

“I snuck off to the human realm.” 

Silence.

Yeah, you should have expected that. In fact, you were. “Oh, well, yeah, that’ll do it.” Is all Asmodeus says before leaving the room. “Make something good tonight! I’m hungry, but don’t make it so oily this time! My skin is starting to suffer because of you!” You shake your head at Asmodeus, though you make the mental note anyway. One less person angry with you would be ideal, after all. You pause when you notice Satan still lingering by the entryway of the kitchen. 

“What’s up?” You ask while you open the fridge, your eyes scanning for potential ingredients. You had no idea what to make; you exhausted your options after the second day. It’s a miracle you’ve managed to make it this long already. 

“Why do you want to go to the human realm? To my understanding, you were never the type before that showed any particular interest in humans. I was told that it was Lilith and Belphegor’s route of interest.” Leave it to Satan to be the most curious. You were hardly surprised, after all, Satan was the only one who was never an angel, the only one who never met Lilith, and the only one who never experienced first hand the shit show that went down the day leading to everyone falling. You knew the other brothers rarely talked to him about their previous life, and you wondered if that ever upset him. However, being the doting older sibling, you didn’t like the idea of Satan feeling left out. If anything, he got all the details from you. 

“I wanted to know what Lilith liked about humans so much, why she was willing to put everything on the line for one.” You answer your brother honestly. “Belphegor as well, I was hoping maybe that’d help me get closer with him. I know you don’t know from experience, but he wasn’t always this hostile and bitter. I’m not sure if the others told you, but he also adored humans just as much as Lilith. The two of them frequented the human realm together all the time.”

Satan seems to be soaking in the information like a sponge. You’re sure he’s grateful for the new information and while you knew he’d never tell you, he hated feeling left out with everyone. Maybe this would help him feel closer with the others. “I did not know that, although I suppose that would make sense. Beelzebub tells me a bit about Lilith and Belphegor every now and then. He always looks a little depressed when talking about them, so I assumed Belphegor changed compared to before.” You nod your head to Satan’s conclusion. “Did you find what you were looking for?” Images of the white-haired man suddenly flood your brain and you fight off a creeping blush that threatens to spread on your face. Did you find what you were looking for? You found something, but that doesn’t exactly answer the question. 

“I don’t know.” You answer honestly once again. “I had only been down twice when Lucifer busted my ass. You know how he can be.” You sigh while putting containers of various ingredients on the counter. “Honestly, this is a pretty mild punishment for what I did.” Satan scoffs in response. You knew he’d disagree with anything having to do with the eldest brother. “That being said, I would like to go back.” Satan’s green eyes look at you in curiosity. You? The second eldest going against Lucifer? Now that’s something you don’t see every day. “I met a human there,” you try to tread carefully, “and we didn’t get off on the best foot.” 

“So?” The blond looks at you with a head tilt. “Why would you care whether or not you got off on the wrong foot with a human?” You supposed it was hard for a demon to understand why this would matter. Then again, you were a demon and you didn’t even understand why this mattered to you. “Please don’t tell me you don’t know again.” He groans from your silence. “This is hardly interesting at this point. If you’re going to get in trouble with Lucifer, you might as well make it something good.”

“Sorry my life is too boring for your standards.” You snort while prying off a lid. “But it’s the truth. He was nice enough for a human.” Cute too, but Satan didn’t need to know that. 

“Well.” a sigh leaves your brother, “keep me updated if you end up going back. Not that I find this interesting or anything. I just like pissing off Lucifer.” You chuckle to yourself once the other leaves. You thought his thinly veiled attempts of keeping track of your personal life was cute, even if he’d rather die than admit it. A sigh leaves you once you bring your attention back to the dilemma in front of you. Right, you’d have to get through this first. 

You’re on your bed, fingers drumming along the back of your D.D.D case. You were bored out of your mind and done with cooking duty for the day. It was late into the night and most of your brothers would be asleep by now, so why weren’t you? An annoyed breath of air escapes you and you turn on your side. You can’t get that damned kid out of your head. Had he put some kind of curse on you? You thought the thought was nothing but that at first, a silly thought, but now that you can’t even sleep because of this mere human, your sleep-deprived state thinks it might be a little more serious than a passing thought. 

You push yourself to sit up. You rub at your eyes groggily and you internally debate whether or not you should return to the human realm. The odds of Mammon being out and about were extremely slim, especially since the hour over there would also be ungodly. You were anxious for some reason, your body wanting to get up and start the day despite it being only a quarter past three in the morning. You were never one to believe in fate or get worked up over it, but your body was in panic mode and you had little to no idea why. You weren’t the type to get anxious over nothing either, and you thought you knew your body well enough as it was, but it seems you were mistaken. With a sigh, you close your eyes and prepare yourself for the future lecture you’d be sure to get. You already knew where you planned to go. 

The air was cold, biting at your skin as you found yourself standing in the middle of the empty streets. You were back in the city you had visited the last two times, though something seemed… off. You couldn’t place as to what, but it was enough to send alarms throughout your body. You walked down the streets, for once regretting that you didn’t bring a jacket. Did demons tend to become more sensitive with each time they traveled to the human realm? You never remembered being this cold before. 

Your eyes scanned over the closed stores, not a single soul out on the streets. You didn’t realize that even the city got this empty at night; you were expecting at least a few people here and there. It’s when you’d been walking for about ten minutes that you heard a commotion from one of the back alleys. Your eyebrow quirked and you paused in place. Should you get involved? As a demon, you didn’t want to meddle with humans too much, not if they weren’t Mammon or if you weren’t needed. Besides, what would your reputation turn to if you were caught helping humans in need whenever they were in trouble? Just keep going, that’s what you ended up telling yourself. 

“Oi, whaddya think you’re doin’? Get your dirty hands off me!”

Okay, fuck that. Scratch every single thought that was previously in your head; it’s up in flames now. You found yourself rushing towards the source of the noise with your eyes blown wide as you frantically searched for the human you hoped wasn’t the one in trouble. “Mammon?” You shouted into the night. Every nerve was going off and you were just barely keeping your demon form back. You heard Mammon calling out for you and it kicked you into overdrive. You’re by his side in a second, pulling him away from a group of three men. “What the hell is going on here?” 

“These annoyin’ assholes are tryna steal my money! A man can’t even walk home in peace without gettin’ mugged! Can ya believe that shit?” Still, you didn’t miss the way he inched closer to you as he anxiously glanced between the three of them. 

“I thought your job closed in the evening?” You asked incredulously as you managed to put space between Mammon and the strangers. 

“I have two jobs! Ya ever tried livin’ in a city? Do we even need to be discussin’ this right now?” Your eyes caught a glimpse of something shining and you abruptly moved in front of Mammon when noticing it was a pocket knife. 

“We only planned on roughing him up a bit.” The man with the weapon explained, a smirk on his lips as he took a step closer. “But since he got his friend involved to make things more complicated, I think we’ll have to do a bit more than that.” You weren’t the least bit scared, but you needed to keep in mind that Mammon was a human and that the boy could easily get hurt if things went wrong. 

“Get a job like him and you won’t need to mug people for the holidays.” You deadpan, Mammon gasping behind you.

“Are ya tryna get us killed? God, ya shoulda just kept walkin’!” Your eyebrow twitched in annoyance but you choose to ignore him for the time being. Did humans always have to be so ungrateful when they were in the middle of being aided? 

Realistically, there were a few ways to go about this. The obvious and easiest one involved you shifting into your demon form, but then you’d have to kill three humans and scar Mammon. The cons were outweighing the pros, no matter how fast the situation would be resolved. The second option would be to fight them in your current form, which wouldn’t be too much of a problem as your strength wasn’t in question, but you’d still more than likely end up killing the three humans and traumatizing Mammon. He’d also probably want to call the police. Too much of a hassle for you. 

Finally, you could just… scare them. They’d run away, Mammon would be safe, and no one would end up dead. The only con would be if Mammon ended up seeing how you planned on scaring them, but that was your last option and you didn’t have a ton of time to come up with any others on the spot. “Mammon,” you turned your head slightly so that you could see him, “stay where you are, okay? Don’t move and don’t get in front of me.” If you could do this with him standing behind you, that would be the ideal situation. When he nodded his head in confirmation, you closed your eyes and let out a sigh. The three men were advancing slowly, thrown off by your calm demeanor. It’s when you opened your eyes again that you could feel your face begin to shift and transform into something else, a form a demon only takes when their aim was, to put it bluntly, to scare the shit out of humans. 

Naturally, when seeing your face, the three men dropped their weapons and ran, yelling and screaming the entire way until you were sure they were gone. Just as fast as you had transformed your face, you averted it back to its original form, turning around to face Mammon. “Are you alright? They didn’t hurt you, did they?” Now that you could properly analyze him, you had noticed he was covered with dirt and scratches, but other than that he seemed to be free of any major injuries. The man’s dazed as you looked him over, your hands pulling at his clothes and running through his hair to make sure you didn’t accidentally miss anything fatal. 

“They just roughed me up a little, that’s all. Ya know, grabbin’ my hair and shit and throwin’ me on the ground. All that fun stuff.” You could tell he was shaken up, but other than that your human seemed to be in good health. 

Wait. Your human? Why did you think that? It’s fine, just ignore it, it was probably just a slip-up. You’re panicked, after all, there’s no need to worry-

“How’d ya scare them off like that anyway?” 

“Uh, I showed them a bigger pocket knife.” It was a lame excuse, but it’s what you had to work with. 

“Oh, okay.” You’re thanking everything in the universe that he didn’t question you further on that. At the same time though… 

“You really should question things more. Who knows what could gobble you up out here. How’d you even end up in this situation? Did they tell you to follow them?” You couldn’t help but mother hen him. Even though he admitted to being alright, and that it checked out, you were still worried over this fragile little human that needed your help and protection at all costs. Yes, that’s it. You were being generous with your time and helping a human out, that was all it was. He would owe you, that was for sure. 

“What-- are you seriously grillin’ me right now? What happened to not victim blamin’ and shit, huh? They didn’t say shit to me! They just came up on me like I was a plate of steak and they were all starved dogs!” Interesting comparison, you note duly. “Next thing I know, I’m gettin’ dragged into some shady ass alley and they’re tryna steal all my shit! The joke’s on them, I’m flat broke anyway. They would have killed me and still walked away with jackshit.” That did little to ease your concerns. It amplified them. 

“How are you still alive?” It was a question for yourself, but based on Mammon’s facial expression, you said it out loud. 

“I’ll have ya know I’m great at self-defense! I didn’t need ya runnin’ to my aid like I was some damsel in distress or somethin’.” There was a red tint to his cheeks, but you weren’t sure if that was because of what just happened. 

“Right.” You sighed and crossed your arms over your chest. You glanced at the time on your D.D.D, ignoring the fact that Mammon was sending your phone a glare. Right, probably because I made up that lie the other day. You needed to get back home; should Lucifer find out you left yet again, he would have your head on a stick. At the same time, however, you didn’t feel comfortable leaving Mammon alone after he nearly got mugged. “Where do you live?” Consequences be damned, you weren’t letting anything else happen to this human. 

“Huh?”

“Where do you live?” You repeated yourself as if it were a normal question to ask someone outside in an alley past three in the morning. “You don’t think I’m letting you walk home alone after all that, do you?” There’s a sly grin on your lips when Mammon begins to practically have a temper tantrum over your words. “Why are you so upset? I’m trying to make sure you don’t get mugged again. You could at least thank me.” Why were humans so ungrateful and complicated? “The quicker you stop throwing a complete fit, the sooner we get you back home.”

“I am not a child!” 

“I never said you were.”

“You’re implyin’ it!”

“I’m doing no such thing.” 

You decided to dial back the teasing in case he pops a blood vessel. With a sigh, you turned around on your heels. “Alright, alright. I’ll leave you alone now. Just be careful and keep your guard up.” There was no way in hell you were going to leave him alone. If anything you’d just follow him in the shadows until you knew he was safe and sound. Stalkerish? Yes, possibly, but the right intentions were there.

As you began to walk away, a timid hand reached out and grabbed at your wrist. “Alright, fine. You can come with me, but don’t misunderstand. I’m not scared or nothin’, I’m just doin’ this simply so you’ll leave me alone.” A lopsided grin forms on your face when you look at his cute expression. Yeah, you were in trouble. 

The walk was mostly filled with silence, the two of you strolling along side-by-side as you kept an eye out for any more potential threats. Mammon seemed less anxious now that you were with him, and that put a part of you at ease. The walking came to an abrupt stop and you looked up from the ground to view an apartment complex that you assumed Mammon lived in. “This your place?” It looked like you’d be able to get home before Lucifer found anything out after all.

“Yeah.” He’s rubbing at his arms awkwardly as he lingers outside. “Uh, thanks for, uh, helpin’ me out and whatnot.” 

“Of course.” You knew there was something he was holding back based on his posture. “What’s wrong? Did someone follow us?” You turned around to quickly scan the area, though nothing came up. 

“What? No! I just, I was wonderin’, if-- look, it’s late out, yeah? And it’s cold as fuck and ya don’t have a jacket on, so, I don’t know, did ya maybe want to, possibly spend the night?” You froze in place, a look of pure shock on your face as you stared at the human. “It’s nothin’ sexual!” He practically cried out in embarrassment. “It’s just to repay ya for helpin’ me out! I swear!” 

You rub at the back of your neck shyly as you glanced around. “Yeah, sure, I don’t mind if you don’t mind.” So much for getting back home early. 

You slip your shoes off once you walked inside before awkwardly standing in the middle of his living room. What were you supposed to do now? You swore in all of your life you’ve never been so awkward before, and not around a human either. “Feel free to sit on the couch if you’d like.” Mammon offers as he quickly grabbed the trash from the coffee table. “I’ll get ya some blankets from the closet, pillows too.” You do as you're told and you sit down to avoid feeling awkward. You look around the room once he’s gone. It wasn’t… bad. Sure, it was nowhere near the size of the House of Lamentation, but it wasn’t awful, either. Pictures of him and his friends were framed on the walls, empty pizza boxes were stacked on the kitchen counter, and empty water bottles filled the recycling bin to the rim. He was a little messy, but then again he wasn’t expecting company, so you decided not to judge him for it. Not too much, anyway. There was a small television held up by a cardboard box across from the coffee table. You had to give him credit for creativity. 

“Sorry that the place is a dump.” Mammon reenters the room with blankets piled up in his arms, as well as a change of clothes for you. “I usually clean up when company comes over, but obviously…” His voice trails off as you take the blankets and clothes from him. 

“Thank you.” You smiled up at him and the red tint to his cheeks return. 

“You’re welcome.” He huffed under his breath before disappearing once again. “Let me find ya some pillows. I have a few extra ones around here somewhere.” He calls out from down the hall. You look down at the clothes he gave you. A baggy plain shirt and a pair of sweatpants. It was better than sleeping in your clothes you supposed. You began to pull your shirt over your head so that you could properly change before Mammon came stumbling back into the room. “I found some- oh god! Oh god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you’d be changin’-- I have a bathroom, ya know. What the fuck am I even apologizin’ for? Who changes in the middle of someone’s livin’ room anyway?” You blink and looked over at a beet red Mammon who’s gripping onto the pillows for dear life, his eyes looking anywhere but at you. You didn’t understand the big deal, but then again, humans tended to react strangely to others who were naked or in the process of changing. 

You slowly pulled your shirt back down and looked over at him again. “Sorry.” Is all you have to offer him. 

“I,” it took him a second to recollect his bearings, “ya really aren’t from here, are ya?” 

“No, I’m really not.” 

“Right then…” He shifts on his feet uncomfortably before stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants. “I brought you some pillows.” He dumps them into your lap before storming down the hall. “I’m goin’ to bed; don’t steal anythin’ or I’ll kick ya to the curb!” You rolled your eyes at his empty threat before grabbing your clothes and pillows. This would count as one of the strangest nights of your life.

You woke up to the sun shining in your face, something you weren’t accustomed to. You rubbed at your eyes sleepily before pausing. No, as odd as it may be to you, the sun was not the thing that woke you up. A sharp poke to your side makes you look over.

Yes, that’s what woke you up. 

You look over from where you were lying on the couch to see Mammon’s foot more or less kicking your side. He wasn’t putting any force behind the kick, but it nonetheless made you raise an eyebrow. “Are you kicking me?” The man paused his ministrations when realizing you were awake. 

“I thought you were dead.”

“What?”

“I don’t know; sometimes people die in their sleep. Was makin’ sure ya weren’t one of them? How would I explain that to the police?” You stared at Mammon in disbelief, the white-haired man growing red in response to your judgmental glare.

“Ya don’t need to be so rude.” He finally huffs out in response and turned around with his arms crossed over his chest. “Listen, I was just wakin’ ya up because I need to get goin’ to work soon and I can’t have ya stayin’ around unsupervised in case ya steal all of my shit and I come back to a cleaned out apartment.” Well, he was certainly blunt with what he was thinking. 

You slowly sit up and grab your D.D.D. You figured it was still early in the morning since Mammon had once mentioned that he worked at the crack of dawn. If you were lucky, you could make it back home before Lucifer would notice. 

And that’s when you remembered that you saw sunshine when you woke up.

With immediate panic, you unlock your phone to look at the time. To your horror, it was nearly eleven in the morning. Lucifer was awake and speaking of the devil himself, you had several missed calls and messages from your brothers, specifically from Lucifer. You bolted from where you were previously resting as Mammon watched before he stumbled back from your sudden movements. “What’s goin’ on?”

“I gotta go.” You quickly said as you scooped up your clothes and rushed towards the door. Clumsily slipping on your shoes, you turned back to him. “I’ll return your clothes to you another day. Make sure you don’t get mugged again on your way home. If you need to, buy some mace or pepper spray or something.” Before he could respond to your advice, you’re out his front door and running down the hall. You were so so screwed.

Screwed hadn’t even begun to cover it. You showed up in the clothes a human lent you, reeking of a human, still drowsy as you had just woken up not long ago, and just overall completely disheveled. On top of that, you knew Lucifer was awake, but you had hoped to arrive home at a time where he was out with Diavolo and you’d be able to shower and change before your inevitable lecture, which might have gotten you off a little easier.

Except that’s not what happened, as before you even unlocked the front door Lucifer swung it open. Now you were sitting in his office as Lucifer silently paced around his room. This had been going on for thirty minutes. You could tell your brothers were waiting on the other side of the door, trying to see if they could hear anything. You wanted to tell them not to hold their breath, but you were too nervous to move and unable to take your eyes off your eldest brother. 

“I thought I told you not to go back to the human realm.” You quickly looked away when Lucifer locked on to your gaze. “Look at me when I’m talking to you; I will not repeat myself.” Hesitantly, you found yourself looking back over at him. “Answer me.” His tone was that of a warning, and you knew at that moment you were on thin ice.

“You did.”

“And yet I found your room empty last night, and your D.D.D nearly unreachable.” You opened your mouth to speak, but Lucifer raises a hand to keep you silent. “And then I found myself thinking, that out of all my siblings, you couldn’t have been that stupid to return to the human realm after I told you to stop.” You shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, and you lean back against the couch you were sitting on. You tried to shrink yourself, but that didn’t make Lucifer any less intimidating. “And then I thought, ‘Lucifer, don’t be so hard on them, maybe they needed a fresh breath of air. You can’t accuse your siblings of being up to something whenever they’re out of your sight. Surely they aren’t that bad.’” He quickened his pace as he circled the room. “But then after two hours you didn’t return, and something told me you yet again disobeyed me and returned to the very place I warned you not to go. Tell me, was watching Lilith and Belphegor suffer because humans not good enough for you? You were never a sibling I had to worry about before. You always listened to me and you helped me keep everyone in line. Why is it that now I have to keep my eye on you?” He stopped abruptly and rubbed at his temples. 

You felt irritation stir deep inside you, though you bit back what you wanted to say. You knew Lucifer was getting worked up, and if you started an argument now, it wouldn’t end well for anyone involved. “I’m sorry.” Keeping the peace seemed like a better option for you at the moment. You knew what battles to pick, and this was not one of them. “I shouldn’t have lied to you and snuck out--”

“You came back in the clothes of a human.” Lucifer seethed. “You smelled like a human. Do you have a human lover? Are you seeing a human?” He looks at you with wide eyes, the demon looking like he was on the brink of insanity. “I will not watch someone I love fall because of humans. Not again. If you’re seeing a human then forget about it. It’s over.” 

“I’m not involved with a human, Lucifer.”

“Then why are you wearing their clothes? Why do you smell more human than a demon? You were gone for an entire night!” You flinch when he raised his voice and he noticed, the demon then trying to dial it back somewhat. He never liked arguing with you even when you were the one in the wrong. Perhaps it was one of the perks of being the favorite? “If you were hunting humans you wouldn’t be gone all night. If you were just looking around you wouldn’t be gone all night! Tell me, what were you doing? Who were you with?” You swallow nervously and averted your gaze. Getting Mammon in trouble, and with Lucifer of all people, was not what you wanted to do. “I will not repeat myself. Who--”

“I’m not telling you who I was with.” This wasn’t usual for you. You didn’t talk back to Lucifer, you didn’t tell him no, and you certainly didn’t argue with him. But you knew if you gave him Mammon’s information, the human that you tried so desperately to save last night might be put in danger once again, but this time by your brother. It wasn’t a situation you wanted to get involved in, so you’d try and prevent it as best as possible. 

“Pardon?” There’s a look of shock on his face, and you could almost hear one of your brother’s gasps from outside the door. 

“I’m not going to tell you who I was with last night. Why would I? So you can kill him?” If looks could kill, you’d be dead right now. 

“So it’s a man.” 

You groaned at your brother’s response. Typical Lucifer. “Lucifer, I already apologized for going without your permission, but I’m an adult, and I’m not going to give you every little detail of what I did when I was in the human realm.”

“It’s the way you think that that suffices as an apology.” He states in disbelief. “You need to learn to stay in your place.”

“And where’s my place?”

“If you were smart, you’d learn quickly.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not going to ask again. Who is he?”

“I’m still not going to tell you.” You knew Lucifer would go to any length to protect those closest to him, and if he deemed Mammon as a threat it would most likely end with the human getting wiped from existence. You could see the anger just barely restrained behind his eyes, the demon shifting into his demon form without even realizing it. 

“If that’s how you want to play, then we will play it your way. You are forbidden from ever attending the human realm again.” You blink several times before rising from your seat. 

“And who are you to make that decision?”

“Along with that, you are to stay in my sight until I decide you can be trusted on your own again. Lord Diavolo doesn’t approve of random trips to the human realm, and when he finds out that you’ve been making day trips there, you’ll suddenly find yourself with lots of free time on your hands.” You paused. You hadn’t thought of that. You knew, although Diavolo was pushing for realms to reach peace with one another, that he wouldn’t approve of a demon taking unauthorized trips to the human realm. 

“But--”

“No. We’re finished here; there’s nothing further to discuss.” You knew his words held truth by the expression on his face. You watch wordlessly as Lucifer leaves his study, leaving you alone in the room with just your thoughts.

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