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#but the stream of consciousness format is so fun

phaedraismyusername · 1 year

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This year some of my favourite books I read were written by indigenous American authors and I just wanted to shout out a couple that I fell in love with

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones

Horror being my second most read genre, I did not think books could still get under my skin the way this one did lol. It follows four Blackfoot men who are seemingly being hunted by a vengeful... something... years after a fateful hunting trip that happened just before they went their separate ways. The horror, the dread, the something... pure nightmare fuel 10/10

Moon of the Crusted Snow by Waubgeshig Rice

An apocalyptic novel following an isolated Anishinaabe community in the far north who lose contact with the outside world. When two of their young men return from their college with dire news, they set about planning on how to survive the winter, but when outsiders follow, lines are drawn in the community that might doom them all. This book is all dread all the time, the use of dreams and the inevitability of conflict weighs heavy til the very end. An excellent apocalypse story if you're into that kind of thing.

My Heart is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones

This book follows Jade, a deeply troubled mixed race teenager with a shitty homelife who's *obsessed* with slasher movies. When she finds evidence that there's a killer running about her soon-to-be gentrified small town, she weaponises that knowledge to predict what's going to happen next. I don't think this book will work for most people, it's a little stream of consciousness, Jade's head is frequently a very difficult place to be in, but by the last page I had so much love for her as a character and the emotional rollercoaster she's on that I had to mention it here.

Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger

Taking a bit of a left turn but this charming YA murder mystery really stuck with me this year. Elatsoe is a teenage girl living in an America where myths, monsters, and magic are all real every day occurrences. When her cousin dies mysteriously with no witnesses, she decides to do whatever she can, including using her ability to raise the spirits of dead animals, to solve the case. The worldbuilding was just really fun in this one, but the Native American myths and influence were the shining star for me, and the asexual rep was refreshing to see in a YA book too tbh

Split Tooth by Tanya Tagaq

The audiobook, the audiobook, the audiobook!!!! Also the physical book because formatting and illustrations, but the audiobook!!! Tanya Tagaq is an Inuit throat singer, and this novel is a genre blending of 20 years worth of the authors journal entries, poetry, and short stories, that culminates in a truly unique story about a young girl surviving her teenage years in a small tundra town in the 70s. It is sad and beautiful and hard but an experience like nothing else I read this year.

#the only good indians #my heart is a chainsaw #stephen graham jones #moon of the crusted snow #waubgeshig rice #elatsoe #darcie little badger #split tooth #tanya tagaq #indigenous authors #2022 reads #book recs #books #booklr

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azure-firecracker · 2 months

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ATLA Live Action Stream of Consciousness (Episode 7, Part 2)

I love that they’re letting Kiawentiio be angry.

See the sexism comes off as more heavy handed even though it’s similar to the cartoon. The super blatant sexism works better in a cartoon format. While sexism like that does exist, real sexism is often more subtle, albeit just as damaging. As a viewer, I am more likely to suspend my disbelief and buy into the heavy handed version in a cartoon, which is why I think it worked better in the OG than it did here. The sexism needed to be there to give Katara her moment but it could have been more subtle/less beating the viewer over the head.

Aang this isn’t the moment for you to be a jerk.

Glad we’re keeping idiotic Zhao.

Right Zuko is hiding this is from the original I forgot.

“So no plan?” I love them.

“Someone much smarter” NICE TRANSITION. I don’t love the implication that she tried to kill Zuko but I think it’s ambiguous enough that I’ll let it slide (for now).

On Azula’s lightning scene (which I did have spoiled for me): again I think this works in isolation but it’s not quite true to the original character. Azula was never this defiant in the original, and this makes me wonder what they’ll do if they get to book 3. I did like how Ozai was clearly happy with her defiance, and it was clear that he was always pushing her in that direction. Still, I do wish they’d taken the more subtle approach with her abuse and not made her so defiant right away. This moment would have hit harder after a longer arc. Also they cannot do her book 3 ending now so what are they gonna do?

Someone take slo-mo away from Netflix part 1 million.

Sokka don’t make Katara dealing with sexism about you.

I miss Katara yelling at Pakku in a throne room. Also when did she hold herself back?

“Go kick his ass” excellent use of the upped age restrictions.

I liked the Katara/Pakku fight actually but the resolution was a little strange (although they gave Katara agency finally hooray thank god!) How’s she gonna train though?

That’s some good hopeful stuff from Katara here - sounds like they’re finally hitting some stuff with her character.

Also we got some fun Azula/Katara parallels with the fight scenes which was cool.

Full opinion coming soon!

#atla #atla live action #natla #netflix atla #avatar the last airbender #atla stream of consciousness #katara #sokka #master pakku #aang #zhao #zuko #ozai #azula

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acerathia · 3 months

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somebody's watching me || Chapter 6: Betray

Summary:

Meeting him was your fate, your salvation, and you shall do everything to keep things this way.

Wordcount: 5.6k

Read on AO3 || Masterlist

Pairing:

Getou Suguru / Reader

Tags/CW:

no-curse au, Getou is still a cult-leader, cults, Getou's fake personality, dark content, Major Character Death, Paranoia, schizoid form of anxiety disorder, isolation, overthinking (in connection to the anxiety), some form of descent into madness, violence, stream of consciousness to show the mental state of reader, everything has meaning (dreams, colors, symbols etc.), warped look on reality, dissociation, blind trust, indoctrination, manipulation, mind-altering practices, polarisation of people/society, peer pressure, denial of reality, emotional abuse, body horror, drugs (implied), hallucinations,

Note:

Please be cautious reading this work, as it contains heavy themes, which might affect some people. Minors do not interact!! ignore any editing mistakes, finally, this series is over, have fun with the last chapter

You awoke from your sleep with a gasp when you felt a hand on your shoulder. It was the woman who occupied the bed next to you. She whispered a single sentence to you. It was time. Then she left without further explanation. Hastily you fell out of bed and as fast as you could with your sleepy movements, you put on your shoes to hurry outside as well. With a quick stumble you followed the woman, even though she had put some distance between you.

Outside in a meadow, it seemed as if the whole group was already there, standing in formation.You made your way crouched in place, trying to draw as little attention to yourself as possible. Still, you wondered what was happening in the middle of the formation and you stretched slightly to get a better look.

But before you could figure out anything, everyone stretched their arms toward the full moon. A hum flowed through the people and filled all the air. You tried to listen and recognize the melody, but it didn't seem to be a specific song. So you hummed a song of your own to yourself while concentrating on holding up your aching arms. Then you could make out a shadow slowly working its way out from the center of the formation. In the dim light of the moon, you recognized the leaders holding a bowl ringed by two girls. To see what exactly they were doing, you were far too far away. You wondered what was in the bowl?

You couldn't make out what the liquid was, even though they were standing in front of you. The light from the moon wasn't bright enough for that. But you could see the leader dipping his fingers into the dark liquid and stirring something in it. The others beside him seemed to be making random sounds, which you couldn't understand no matter how hard you focused. Then you felt it. The cool liquid on your skin. The pressure of his fingers. You had to pull yourself together not to just stop humming, to not lean closer to his touch. Was that paint? The leader placed his thumb on your cheekbone and drew a vertical line down. The same thing happened to the other side of your face. The liquid dripped hotly down your chin onto her collarbone, forming a small puddle there. Spread over your top like a wound. You felt sticky, but you could see a smile from the leader. That simple gesture alone sparked gratitude in you, desire warm in your blood.

That you even had the opportunity to be here and stand next to him, to look at him and enjoy his presence. The warmth of your heart contrasted with the chilling mark on your skin. You could barely stifle a smile as the leader then lined up next to you in formation and started another hum. This time, however, everyone else followed their tune. The humming seemed to get louder and louder, penetrating your scalp and pressing on your skull. Your field of vision flickered as if you were standing under a faulty lamp. You didn't know if your head was swaying, or if your vision just didn't want to work with you anymore. Were you tired?

That would explain the heaviness in your arms and the uncertainty in your knees. You tried to pull yourself together, really tried. But your body tipped forward without you being able to do anything about it. All your muscles seemed paralyzed. You could only dully feel your knees hitting the ground; the grass scraped against your calves. Was this happening to everyone? Or just to you? You kept trying to stay upright, but gravity was having a greater effect on you than usually. Suddenly you felt the ground against your forehead, against your cheek. When did the grass get so long? With hazy vision, you still recognized the glances of the leader in front of you. Frowns and anticipation. But of what? Before you could choke out a single syllable, your eyes failed you, and darkness enveloped you like a heavy cloak.

***

Several voices hovered over your head as you slowly regained consciousness. Where were you? This didn't feel like your bed. For a brief moment, you had forgotten where you were.

With a low moan, you tried to sit up, but your head felt like it was stuck in a clamp. Its claws dug firmly into your forehead. Your surroundings became silent and you slowly opened your eyes. From your narrow field of vision, you recognized a glass full of water. How much you wanted to drink this. So you reached out for it, even though it seemed to be shaking.

But you managed a firm grip to get the glass before letting the cool liquid enter your throat in heavy gulps. The cold woke you up a bit and cleared your brain. Then, as you put the empty glass away with an aching stomach, you took time to survey your surroundings. Though your stomach began to rebel and you started to feel nauseous, you did not make a sound. Your eyes roamed over the three people around you. Your eyes lingered on the face of the leader. You quickly avoided his gaze. This was the man who had offered you comfort and peace, and you had disappointed him. You licked your torn lips before an apology slipped heavily over your tongue. You had screwed up. You had ruined the moment. Tainted the tradition. You felt bad, uncomfortable, absolutely miserable. And rightfully so. You didn't deserve to be in this place anymore. Tightly you squeezed your eyes shut and hung your head. You wanted to hide your reaction to what was coming. How your insides were breaking, shattering. You expected a final decision about your expulsion. A painful kick in the butt. Even though you didn't want to hear any of these prompts, you couldn't say anything against it. After all, you deserved it.

But after a moment of waiting, nothing came. You were not insulted or called names. No harsh words which were wrapped in pity. The leader didn't say anything until you lifted your gaze again.

"I told you that you were special, and now it has been shown to all of us under the moon."

Whether there was a deeper meaning to that sentence? You did not know. Still, the weight of these words gave you a warm feeling. If you were special, then you hadn't ruined anything. This chance, the opportunity to continue to stay in this place, meant a lot to you; even more than your own life. I wonder if you could make any difference with this simple statement. Make a better life for the leaders and the whole group? But how could you help?

You didn't really have time to think about it, because a tray was pushed into your lap. Leftovers from the communal breakfast that you must have missed. A memory was hidden in this gesture. Despite the incident, you should still follow the rules. Therefore, you accepted the food, although you were not particularly hungry. You wanted to show your gratitude to the leader.

Still, you hesitated when your eyes landed on the food. Nothing about you had forgotten yesterday's meal. Hopefully, things would go differently this time. Slowly you stretched your fingers so that the trembling would not be noticed and reached for a piece of bread. This you smeared with the purple jam that had been provided. A breath escaped your nose before you took a bite of the crust.

It scratched the roof of your mouth before scraping across your throat. Of course, the food had a normal taste. What had you expected? Probably the whole thing yesterday was just another one of your delusions. Though you still looked skeptically at the fruit, not recognizing it, the rest seemed relatively normal. Even if the milk had a violet glow, which was perhaps just an illusion brought on by the light. You were not worried. What was supposed to be in the food? No one in this group would poison the other or add anything questionable. Everyone was far too cozy with each other for that.

After eating the food with sudden hunger, you noticed that everyone had left the cabin again. Where do you think they were going? You couldn't follow them, even if you wanted to. You didn't know the place well enough for that yet. Should you try anyway?

Before you could make a decision, the door swung open and a bunch of people came in. Without much talk, all these people made their way to their beds to sit cross-legged. Was this a new activity? You weren't sure, but still followed their lead. The last to enter the room was the leader. You made your way to the center to sit on the floor. With your back bent, you waited for his instructions.

The silence seemed charged before the leader finally began to speak.

"Close your eyes and relax... Breathe deeply through your nose, feel it to the last corner of your lungs.

One, two, three, four.

Now let it all out of your mouth.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Good, breathe in through your nose again.

With each breath, continue to release your thoughts, let them out, preferably right out of your lungs. Breathe it all out, freeing yourself from the thoughts.

Good. Now feel your fingertips. How does the skin feel? What does it feel at this moment and how does it affect you? Don't form sentences, just let feelings grow in your chest. Let this work for a moment now....

Now let this concentration run over your arms, over your neck to your ears. What do you hear? How does my voice feel to you? Are there any features or background sounds that attract you?

These sensations also flow into the chest.

Wonderful. Now you are one with your environment. Now you can let your thoughts come back into your mind. Slowly. The moment you are yourselves again, a better you, you can open your eyes."

You followed the steps and kept your eyes closed. As time passed, your body seemed to relax more and more. Toward the end of the meditation, you had the sensation of feeling, of hearing the heartbeats of others.

Each beat seemed to echo with each other, yet in the same beat. The leader's fingers slid over the top of your head. The other's arms lay heavily across your shoulders; their fingers cool on your throat. A whisper brushed your ears, but you could not make out the words. It was as if they had been submerged by a wave. The water slapped against your skin and hissed as it hit you. Your body seemed to get warmer and warmer, and the water put an extra weight on the back of your neck. All at once you felt a strong pressure on your throat. It cut off your breath and you could no longer breathe. The hands that had been lovingly stroking your skin a moment ago wrapped around your neck and constricted, breaking your windpipe.

A soft gasp escaped your lips as you opened your eyes. But no one was in front of you, behind you. The others still remained in their positions and seemed to be gathering their thoughts. No one had any problem, nor did they seem to notice yours. You felt nauseous. But you did not want to disturb the others in their meditation. So you just took a shaky breath and closed your eyes again. Maybe there was a chance you could get the calmness back. But when you concentrated on breathing, you couldn't. Almost as if oxygen could not enter your lungs.

A hand rested on your shoulder and you opened your eyes, startled. The leader had sat down in front of you and looked you piercingly in the eyes. Then he began to breathe in slowly. His firm eye contact caused you to do the same. As if your body was synchronizing with his. For a moment, you both held your breath. Time between inhaling and exhaling seemed to stand still. As your lungs burned, you exhaled slowly again. After a few breaths, your heart regulated back to its normal beat, but you continued to concentrate hard on breathing; afraid you would suffocate. For a moment, you realized how the other people in the room were also joining in this breathing exercise. Everyone's lungs seemed to be one. And each time you looked around, someone was smiling gently at you, their faces full of understanding and helpfulness.

For you, it was the first time anyone had managed to put you at ease in this way. For that, you were so grateful to these people; you would give up your life for these people, for him especially. They had helped you without big words, but simply by their calming presence.

Usually, sentences were just poured into your ears, which then threaded themselves into your swirling thoughts with a tight knot. But it didn't happen without words, and for the first time you didn't feel guilty about needing help at all.

These people had not reacted as if you were a burden. You did not feel ashamed that this had happened at all. You were finally being helped properly and with acceptance. Your chest filled with warm feelings that flooded your thoughts.

With a jerk, you jumped into the leader's arms. Maybe there would be consequences later, but you wanted to express your gratitude. Then you felt more and more people join the embrace. Thus in the midst of these people, you felt more at ease than you had ever felt before in your life. Especially with his arms slung around your midsection in the middle of it.

Only after a while did the embrace dissolve again. Much too soon for your taste. But it was time for the next activity; the highlight of the trip. Unlike the others, you didn't know what it was all about, but you followed them every step of the way anyway. You trusted everyone in this group more than you trusted yourself. Your hand was held by one of the girls, who smiled at you and promised a great time was coming. You trusted her.

Therefore, without argument, you changed into the robe that was pressed into your hand. The purple fabric flowed down to below your knees. It was pretty. The cut was probably meant to be special, because everyone had the same fabric, but the garments never looked identical.

Prepared, you made your way to the pond, where you sat back down in your seat. Everyone's eyes were on the leader, waiting.

He looked each person in the eye before he began to speak. He opened the Festival of Blood. You became curious as to why it was called that, but you didn't ask any questions. They explained that when the festival began, so did the game. Then they explained the goals and the rules, his tone as if he had repeated those words thousands and thousands of times. Yet he seemed to be looking forward to it.

"The game is simple. Everyone will draw a role to perform. In doing so, there are the 'monsters' that you seek out and kill. To do this, you use a simple, blunt piece of wood. When you press this against a person's chest, they are dead. The hunted should avoid death by pretending to be normal people while getting rid of the normal people. After some time, a meeting is called in which they should discuss various suspects and get rid of them. When night falls, the monsters have a chance to hunt people down and murder them while they sleep. Of course, they can also hunt during the day, but... The monsters will suck the blood of their victims, which is why they don't need a weapon. The goal of both groups is simple: wipe out the other group.

We will now distribute your roles. And keep them to yourselves. If you are killed, you must not reveal by whom, or how, or what you were."

You weren't so lucky with your drawn role. A monster? Right at your first feast?

You didn't really call that a joy. Nevertheless, you had to try. After all, the game depended on everyone doing their best.

Until there was the first sacrifice, other games were available. After all, one should not just sit around and wait, but enjoy the feast. Carefully, you slipped the piece of wood into your pocket before also popping a candy into your mouth. They were the same ones that were on the leader's table, you recalled. As the taste coated your tongue, you stretched a bit. It made you feel much more awake right away.

Then you made your way to the high jump. Wondering how high you could get. You shook your joints slightly when your turn finally came. It seemed that your anticipation was strong as your head felt lighter than usual. You took a running start before leaping into the air. Your face was turned toward the sky and you felt like you were flying.... You reached out a hand, but before it could touch the soft cotton, your back crashed to the mat. No matter how loudly you hit, though, you were still on the high of the jump and just stared at the sky for a while. But then you straightened up again with a serene giggle, rubbing your neck. Finally, you left the mat and made room for the next jumper.

You heard faint music coming from the direction of the meadow and wanted to make your way there.

On the way, you met the same girl from earlier, who hooked up her arm with yours so you could walk together. But when they were far enough away from the other people, you recognized your chance and stopped. Quietly you apologized to her and put your arms around her. Then you pretended to drink her blood and explained that she had been killed. She dramatically slumped against your body before straightening up after a few seconds. With a giggle, you both continued on your way to the meadow.

Once there, the music was much louder than expected. Still, you enjoyed it and watched as people danced intricate steps. This is what you called a folk dance at a village festival. This didn't really match the situation, but at that moment you didn't care about anything. You let yourself be drawn into the dance, even though you had no idea of the steps. But your head was much too subdued and your body much too light. No real words came out of your mouth, except a boisterous giggle. You let yourself whirl among the people as if you had the ability to fly.

After some time, however, your movements became heavier and sloppier, which is why you bumped into someone more and more often. But that didn't seem to bother anyone. You enjoyed dancing so much. So much so that you no longer noticed who was standing in front of you, or whose hand you were holding.

Your diaphragm stung with every breath, but your joints vibrated so pleasantly that you didn't care. Your vision was blurry and your surroundings moved as if in slow motion. It was a dream.

Suddenly, a shrill scream was heard. The music tore off agonizingly. The trance you were in seemed to be broken, although your thoughts were still heavily clouded. Everyone looked around for the cause of the scream. It was the girl from earlier.

This one seemed to be shaken by something, because there were tears in her eyes, which flooded her trembling face. Only after a few seconds did you realize that the girl was pointing at you.

What was going on? You didn't understand what it was about. But it dawned on you when she explained that you had wanted to murder the girl, but had managed to escape before it could happen.

Was she even allowed to tell the others that? You frowned. Wasn't that the goal of the game? You didn't understand what you had done wrong. The faces of the pack seemed to lie in shadow as their gazes pierced your body. Slowly, everyone gathered around you without saying a word, without hearing a word. Their protests fell on deaf ears. The two people who had held your hand so gently at the dance tightened their grip. Held you captive between them. And no matter how many times you objected, no one would listen. Only you heard their words. Were you even speaking at all, or just thinking?

Without paying attention to you, the two people had dragged you to a clearing. You did not remember this place. Had you ever been here before? Your gaze recognized the leader who was convening a trial. You wet your lips and prepared your defense. After all, you should be allowed to do so. And you were right, the very first thing you were asked to do was to come forward. Even though her arms were still crushed by the people around you.

You explained that yes, you were a monster, but you had done your job and according to the rules the girl should not have been allowed to testify. Then you asked the group if you had done something wrong, since it was the first time you had ever played this game. But this question also fell on deaf ears. People seemed to be more inclined towards the cheater. Your lungs felt heavier with each passing second and you couldn't get a single word out. The hateful looks of the mob were too much for you. This was all just a game after all. Yes, just an activity, and everyone was playing along. Just a simulation. Still, the whole situation seemed far too real. Even the disappointed looks of the leader, the worst case scenario. Exactly what you had wanted so much to avoid since the beginning. His disappointment had a worse effect on you than you had thought. Would you have any reason to live at all if you lost the favor of this important person?

You had to swallow hard, suppress the tears. You didn't even want to think about that possibility for long. The possibility of losing all this was far too brutal, far too ghastly. No, they wouldn't do that to you, would they?

Your eyes wandered over every single person in your field of vision. Their faces all said the same thing. They would leave you, abandon you, throw you away. You were of no use for them anymore. Maybe... Maybe that was just for this activity. Yes, you were certainly allowed to participate in the other things after that. Everything was fine. You nodded slightly as you struggled to take deep breaths.

Then you were declared guilty. What did that mean? Were you just going to be removed from the game now? Yes, it had to be. As long as you were allowed to stay in this place, you didn't care if you were guilty or not. As long as you were allowed to stay, nothing mattered. Now all that was left was to symbolically press the stake to your chest. Then you would be allowed to be with them again. Then you would be welcome again.

But no one pulled out their piece of wood. Why not? That was part of the game! Your gaze no longer rested on one person, but looked at everyone, waiting. They should finally finish this! Why didn't anyone do anything?

The two pulled you back to your feet. You hadn't even realized you had fallen to your knees at all. All you wanted was to be with them again. You deserved that!

You needed it. But the others seemed to disagree, because you were simply removed from the clearing, led deeper into the forest. The two people who had grabbed you tightly by the wrists wore the same long robes. This time it seemed to be the clothing of a ceremony. The cut of the fabric looked familiar, far too familiar, and your body reacted to it even though you couldn't remember. You felt worse and worse from the proximity; nausea settled firmly in your throat. And the longer you had to walk through this dark forest, the more your muscles became lame. Something about the whole environment was far too familiar. You wanted to understand why you were reacting, but no matter how much you thought about it, the less you could think of. You felt like you had never experienced anything in your life.

When your legs finally gave way under you, they entered a completely different clearing. With a bleary eye, you looked around and recognized the group in front of you, all wearing the exact same robes. Their faces were hard to make out, but you didn't quite understand why; was it the shadows or the hoods? The sight sent a shiver down your spine, your stomach cramped and you had to pull yourself together not to throw up right away. Every fiber in your body wanted to get away from this place as quickly as possible. But your heart was pounding far too heavily in her chest, so your limbs would no longer obey you. With each step deeper into the clearing, you felt more miserable. A whimper escaped you as you were lifted up and placed on a wooden seat. Still this felt comfortable, gentle.

But then your joints were bound with a rope on which was branded a sign. You dimly remembered this sign, and these memories formed stones in your lungs. You could no longer breathe. Was this all still part of the game? It couldn't be. Where did this mark come from? You had not described its appearance to anyone. You wanted to ask this question. But your voice failed, as if your vocal cords had been knotted together. Therefore, you waited for a brief moment for several hours.

Then the buzzing started. It penetrated deep into your skull and vibrated your vision. So you could only dimly make out one person detaching themselves from the crowd and walking towards you. The only one you wanted to see right now, was the leader, his name a reverence you finally tried to think of: Getou, Getou Suguru. And he did appear in front of you, his hair swaying softly with each step, and you would have tried to get closer, to touch him, to tell him anything he wanted to hear.

But he only stayed silent and held a wooden stake in his hand. His smile still shining softly, almost reassuring. Unlike the blunt pieces from before, the piece in his hand seemed to be sharpened, filed like a knife. The leader stepped behind you and started to work on something you couldn't see because of your limited movement.

Therefore, you focused on his words as he started talking towards everyone else.

"Dear fellow citizens, we are in a crisis. The world has simply become too threatening, too complex. It hurts our hearts. It hurts our brains. Above all, it hurts our pride.

It will not stand. We must fight the threat through simplicity, and we can defeat it. We can defeat it where it matters most. We can defeat it within ourselves. We can regain our simple, pure certainty, push back the threat of the simple, and restore our absolute confidence.

Even though you may feel lost, all is not lost. There is a solution. We must decide together here today to embrace the only true one and march forward together, our eyes and ears closed, our step firm. You fight for what matters most, your simple, unwavering pride. When we stand united, our proud mouths open, fearful ears and eyes closed, armed and lashing out, we can and will make the world feel real again!

Give up your crippling fairness. You can and will be free! Free from doubt! Free from ever having to learn from your mistakes again. You have nothing to sacrifice but fairness. Be shackled by fairness and all is lost. Unleash yourself and you will be free! Proud and free!"

You didn't understand what you were hearing. Was this still part of the game? No, it seemed far too complicated for that. But then what were these people hoping for? You wanted to protest, to fight back. But your thoughts coiled around your neck like a snake, killing every word on your tongue.

He finally came back around, stepping closer to you with the stake still between his elegant fingers after the speech. So close that you could recognize every facial feature of his and her shoulders became much heavier. Of course. How could you have ever thought that a person could be interested in you? There was a reason for his approach, which was clearly in front of you. You raised your eyes, which were full of disappointment and pain, to look him in the eye.

The traitor should know what he had done to you and he should feel the guilt for the rest of his life. But he just grinned at you gleefully and raised the stake in the air. A moment before the stake hit your skin, you felt his other hand stroking your cheek. And as you looked up, his lips met yours. For this short time, you forgot everything, everything but the warmth of his soft lips against yours, but the breath against your face. And you thought that maybe, maybe this was something you were supposed to do, for him.

You felt the point enter your left side; felt the warmth of blood escape from you. Pain throbbed between your ribs and flowed through your bones like lightning. A moan escaped your lips before you felt like you were suffocating. As if all the liquid wanted to come out of you. Your throat burned and you felt liquid metal squeeze between your teeth, the taste like a blanket on your tongue. Moments before his tongue swiped over yours, letting your blood coat his mouth as he pulled away. And you were not dead yet. Though perhaps you deserved to die. You would do anything to satisfy him, so you were supposed to die.

Your heart wasn’t penetrated. You tried to swallow, but the flood was stronger and dripped from your mouth. You could only watch as the red spread over the purple of your dress. Had the pain not spread over your limbs, you would have found the discoloration poetic. But fortunately it would be over in a moment. Then you would have done your service for him.

Then you felt a heat on the soles of your bare feet. A fire was lit beneath you, with the flames initially only licking at your toes. As if they found the taste of skin attractive, they caught at your dress and climbed higher and higher. The fabric clung to you and formed a second skin, melting into your pores. Every nerve in your body began to burn and you had to cough as the smoke tried to choke you. All of this felt a zillion times stronger than you could have ever dreamed. You wanted to breathe, to fill your lungs, but nothing more than a faint gasp and rattle escaped you. The lack of oxygen made you dizzy. Or maybe it was because you had lost too much blood, which was why you head was wrapped in cotton.

You were almost convinced that you could wake up from this nightmare. But the feeling against your skin was too real to be dreaming. Yet your vision was still clear and you could see that the crowd had changed. They had their hands crossed over their faces, and their knees found the soft ground of the forest.

How had you let it get this far in the first place? A voice inside you whispered that you deserved it, that every single decision had led you to this point. You were not a good person and deserved this end. This was your atonement to everyone, to him.

And all at once you understood his words. Why you were special. But maybe your dreams had simply been given a meaning, which fit the expectations of these people. Maybe you should never have come here. But you couldn't retrace your steps, couldn't undo anything. You could not explain why you had trusted these people so easily. Because it always ended the same way; you trusted a person and you got stabbed. In the past, being impaled had been emotional, but this time it meant your downfall. If only you had listened to your past instead of caring words....

You blinked these thoughts away. There was nothing more noble than to die at his hands, his kiss being your death. This was your destiny, the one he gave to you, the one you would cherish with every last cough of your body.

Your body was slowly going numb, your nerves burned out, and you were getting so, so tired. Your gaze still stroked this man in front of you, you could barely think his name without thinking of your purpose. Yet this was your purpose, Getou, Getou, Getou.

He was stroking her blood off his lips to lick it off. Yes, you were sure. There would be no awakening this time. But you didn't want that anymore. You wanted him to appreciate you, to remember you, forever and ever. So, the last thing you could do was let these simple-minded words of confession go, as there was nothing more grander than this sacrifice. Your vision blurred, and he was the last thing you saw. As it should be. He was your beginning, and your end.

#geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #getou x reader #getou suguru x reader #suguru x reader #suguru x you #geto x you #geto suguru x you #getou suguru x you #getou x you #jjk x reader

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findingtheperfectcharacter · 1 month

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i would do a wife/husband/best friend for you from the game i'm currently playing, but it's pokémon xy and it's been years and of the limited adult characters i remember, most of them either fucking suck or are children. like you're a decent person i'm not giving you the genocidal ecofascist or the creepy guy who works for him or the professor who sympathizes with him. which leaves only two adult male characters that i know well enough to possibly assign anyone: the gym leader grant and the recurring npc mr. bonding. actually i guess there's looker too, who iirc changes careers from interpol agent to private investigator in these games? but he's still a cop, even if cops in the pokémon world are significantly better people than the ones in reality. anyway i like grant better than mr. bonding he's a cool dude who has rock pokémon and does bicycle races and mr. bonding just teaches you o-powers for buffing yourself and your friends.

then uh for a wife the adult characters i have available that i can recall the characterization of are the gym leader viola, her sister alexa, the player's mom grace, and the fucked up and evil elite four member who works for the genocidal ecofascist. actually fuck it i'm branching out to a completely different game i'm giving you lady luck from dicey dungeons as a wife. she's fucked up and evil but like in a fun way.

then as we have now shattered the constraints of pokémon x and y, i guess i can pick the best friend from any media. my mind has gone blank now actually so give me a second. fuck it i'm giving you twilight sparkle the nerd pony, she's cool.

so uh there you go i guess. in long stream of consciousness format.

HMMMMM Grant’s like the most 7/10 available, I’d like that he forces me to go outside but I feel like I’d know just as little about him after hanging out as I do now-

LADY LUCK WOULD BE SO BAD FOR ME HELP! (Mind I have no idea of the source I’m basing it on the wiki… I could not fix her but I sure could stand there while she does her villain stuff-)

… Ngl Twilight is my favorite guy and I’m pretty sure Zzy kins her so 10/10 we’d enjoy each other.

Sidenote, I wanna send one back, would you want one?

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disappearingmuse · 7 months

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(Spicy Eizen/Rokurou where they navigate asexuality. No warnings apply.)

Under the cut, I talk about my process for writing this little guy because I'm a nerd for that kind of stuff! There are spoilers in it, so I suggest reading the fic first before diving into it.

Wet, Crooked Colt: Using Form and Language to Convey Tone

I thought WCC would be the best test subject to get deeper into this topic since the form and language are very distinct! This is one of the weirdest things I've ever written- not because of the premise, but because of the way the story is told.

Form as a vessel for conveying tone

I think the most effective experimental styles are the ones that enhance certain aspects of the story, whether that be a theme, a character’s mindset, etc. The form I chose for WCC- formatting the dialogue like a script- ties in thematically with Rokurou (and as Rokurou soon discovers, Eizen) following a script for foreplay. The script format also has the effect of starkly separating the dialogue from the action, which exemplifies how Rokurou feels a disconnect between his words and his thoughts. Finally, it gives the story a cheeky, playful, rough-around-the edges feel, like the back-and-forth whip of sitcom dialogue.

I wasn’t completely consciously aware of these things while drafting. I stumbled on the form by accident. I originally wrote WCC with normal-looking dialogue, but the story wasn’t working. It was time to get funky.

At the time, I was reading Big Swiss by Jen Beagin, which is told partially through transcripts. Beagin executes this style expertly.

I thought, what can I do with that? How can I adapt that to WCC?

I tried it out and never looked back. I Big-Swissified Eizen and Rokurou.

I didn’t have much of a better explanation for my bizarre choice other than “this feels right for the story and I can’t imagine it any other way.” While editing, I was much more intentional with applying it so that it benefitted the story.

Apart from the dialogue, one thing that sets the form apart is the stream-of-consciousness description. (Please forgive my gratuitous sins against comma usage.) I think it works because, for the most part, Rokurou is very much in his own head instead of in the moment.

It also meant I didn't have to edit the idiosyncrasies of the drafting process out. The way I wrote the story was very stream-of-conscious; I wrote everything completely out of order. If I wanted a line, I threw it in, regardless of whether it made sense in context. Mass chaos. Fingers were going in places they didn't belong. It was one of the most freeing, lovely drafting processes I've ever had.

Language as a vessel for conveying tone

The atmosphere of WCC is awkward, off-kilter, and a little bit nasty, so I wanted to use words and descriptions that sound that way. The best example of this, I think, is the title. Finding the right title kicked my ass because nothing sounded like it fit the piece. While brainstorming, the phrase “Wet, Crooked Colt” popped in my head (the title is so obscure that you would think it came from a line, but no, it was the other way around.) I tried to resist, because it was just so weird! Who the fuck names a story that??

Me. I do.

The title’s symbolism was immediately apparent to me: they’re still figuring each other out, and they’re figuring their relationships to sex out, and things are disjointed like a newborn horse with its wacky new legs covered in afterbirth. (Fun fact that I realized while writing this: this isn’t the first time I’ve used afterbirth/birth imagery with Eizen and Rokurou. See my other work “Liminality.” This was NOT intentional, and no, I don’t know what my subconscious is doing.)

Here are some more lines and moments that aid the tone (whether they're awkward, off-kilter, nasty, or all of the above):

“They clasped hands as if shaking on a dull business contract.”

“...pour the words down Rokurou’s throat so they turned into more digestible bits, got ground into formless bile.”

There’s a motif of putting clothes back on, which reflects a reluctance towards sex. Eizen tightens the drawstring on Rokurou’s pants instead of taking them off, and in the end, they put each other’s clothes back on.

I can nerd out on this stuff for ages, but I’ll close off here. TL;DR read Soggy Pony

#writing process #tales of berseria #eiroku #amwriting

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lolanbq · 6 months

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Happy NaNoWriMo!

I haven't yet done any reflection post on my NaNoWriMo project, nor have I done a word update, but I'm just really vibing with this year's project.

It's a series of short stories that are all kind of sort of in the horror genre, but they all follow the same universal rules and it's been a fun challenge. It's also been a wonderful master class in how to use and focus that stream of consciousness story telling into an actual story that relates back to the plot line rather rambling aimlessly and wondering how I'm supposed to make it back to the point.

I am also adoring my ability and freedom to play and experiment with the formatting of each story and giving each of them their own styles.

I'm just having so much fun this year

Anyway, today is day 8 and my current word count is 21,285 and I'm hoping to hit 25k by the end of the day

#ollie speaks #nanowrimo #writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writeblr #creative writing #writer things #writing community #writers and poets #nano 2023

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inventors-fair · 1 year

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“Signature Spellbreakers” Commentary: Thinking with Portals

WHOO boy this week was a lot harder to judge than I thought it was going to be. I will say, the runners and winners really hit the sweet spot between “exactly how we want these abilities to work” and “something new to build around.” Quite a few cards in the middle had some...technical or formal items to address. But it’s hard. It’s REALLY hard.

I feel I should have emphasized what “draftable for a supplemental set” meant a little more, perhaps. Sometimes that’s a Horizons set, and sometimes that’s a Commander set, and sometimes it’s more like a Core set or Conspiracy set. No matter what, certain rules of elegance should still be followed, and there’s an implicit understanding that these cards have to integrate into the greater Magic beyond. Whatever your intentions may be, you are, and will always be, beholden to the multiverse.

Still, lots of fun things this week. Lots to lose my mind over. You can kind of tell the exact point at which I’ve been writing for too long and things get stream-of-consciousness-y. Like now! Oh gawd. We need to move on.

JUDGE PICKS are cards that, for reasons I have no specified this week, I feel deserve highlighted commendation. Let’s a-go.

@bread-into-toast — Borzzt, Caldaia Chef

We’re in the Jund of it now, fellas. I think this card is pretty obviously good, and for some reason, it’s not speaking to me. Food tokens are great, don’t get me wrong! In limited you’re gonna get your creatures, sac your lands, force sacrifice elsewhere and have a wonderful time getting yourself life’d up, so that’s all good. If this gets high enough, you’ll end up with a number of either creatures and/or Food and/or general sacrifice fodder. Nothing wrong with that. It’s pretty incredible that it adds artifact-sacrifice-combo-potential into the mix. With Chatterfang and a sacrifice outlet, it’s a three-card combo.

That might make it a huge pain in an Oathbreaker build. Jund’s ability to get so much fodder and the lack of Jund planeswalkers is a bit of a pickle, innit. Maybe it’s just that the combo potential asks so little of you to make such a good deck? I guess the ability to tutor is a bit of a pain for other players, too. I feel that this card would be, in planeswalker-centric constructed formats, basically what Korvath is to Commander. And this card would go right into a Korvath deck, too. It’s a very well-made card that does exactly what it wants to do, so there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe it’s the setting? It feels...expectedly silly, if that makes sense. I don’t feel the “planeswalker” part of this card from a character perspective. Probably just a ‘me’ thing.

Anyway, I’d build this card with Diabolic Intent or Scapeshift.

@corporalotherbear — Ales, Living Bulwark (JUDGE PICK)

I know you’re probably pronouncing this card as “Ah-lehs,” but it’s spelled like “ales,” as in beers, and if this is a Treefolk-type of character...perhaps it’s root beer? Anyway. This card’s not bad at all. It’s very easy to cycle through these abilities and either pump up the jams or get yourself an easy emblem. I do imagine you’d run this card with at least one Assault Formation effect, but that practically goes without saying. This card’s asking to be the defender champion without actually being a defender champion.

Honestly, my favorite part is that you don’t even have to get the emblem for this to be a great card. The +2 in limited is a fine pump to your team that protects your walker if need be, and if you don’t have any creatures then the -2 is a solid body to protect you until you can get something relevant to plus again. The only shame is that you can’t do it twice between turns; I believe, once you -2, state-based actions (704.5i) say that it’s put into a graveyard. That said, overall? It’s a decent limited walker with some strong flexibility. Not bad at all.

I would run this card with Tower Defense or Fell the Mighty

@curiooftheheart — Veeh, Mycoid Scavenger

This card is asking for a very specific build. I like that you have a focused type of walker for the set in which this card would be drafted; cards like M21 Sorin were sort of in the same vein, no pun intended. I can see how the three abilities allow this card to exist without necessarily having a single fungus. At the same time, that’s clearly what this card is intending to do. The question that I have in limited—whether or not this can be a build-around rare with a high enough as-fan—is easily answered: yes. The question that I have in constructed isn’t really about whether or not this card is good, but rather, is this doing something that other cards wouldn’t for this kind of deck?

Maybe the problem is that there’s one single fungus/saproling deck. You get the counters, you remove them, you make the tokens, and the variance requires a strict timing clock that leaves so little wiggle room. This card slots in and maybe takes the place of another token-maker or flexible counter-oriented card. Someone might feel the urge to build this deck. If there are new saprolings in a draft set, I’d be happy to think about playing with this card. As it stands, the concept of fungus tribal fulfills the needs of a niche audience to which my personal reaction is far less excitable considering the limitations of the tribe. I do like fungi, but I don’t think this particular contest was looking for so narrow a focus.

I suppose I would play this card with Diabolic Intent if I was boring, or Planewide Celebration for the hell of it.

@deg99 — Erik Leifsson, Interplanar Explorer

Conceptually, I see what you were trying to go for. The clutter on this card feels a little much, and I’d like to clean it up in a second. First of all, the likes: this is a card which, in limited AND constructed encourages a variety of deckbuilding patterns based on creatures, perhaps smallish creatures or more of a Zoo build, with some advantage and recursive strategies. That much I get. It’s a shame there’s not much space for, like, story-based critique with these cards, because I know you put a lot into that. Many folks did this week. Still, wording-wise, I want to edit some stuff.

Surprisingly, the first ability doesn’t need “at,” which caught me off-guard when I double-checked; that’s understandable. The second ability, IMO, is...tricky, because of order. Two might be better, because otherwise, we get into near Brainstorm-cheat-territory. “Look at the top two cards of your library and exile up to one of those cards. You may play that card this turn.” Actually, that could work for three easel, wouldn’t it? But you NEED to write the number out, not put the numeral “3.” I saw at least one person mentioning that in the workshop. The third ability needs to say “permanent CARD.” The last ability could be just “Reveal the top card of your library. If it’s (not “it is”) a creature card with power X or less, put it onto the battlefield.” You’re already looking at the top card, so why would you put a “may” clause in there for something where you already know you’re not going to do if there’s not something there? Last personal nitpick, but the name’s far too long with the cost. It’s not mechanically related, I know, but it just doesn’t look great.

I would run this card with Noxious Revival (lol) or Cabaretti Charm.

@dimestoretajic — Una, the Lost Samurai

What is this card’s glue? I think we need to take a big step back here. For one: Toggo explains how to properly create an equipment token, although the legendary introduction is also fine. Then the +1 requires a target; if you somehow have no creatures, because it’s a game of MTG where removal is prevalent, then you literally cannot activate that ability, and if your equipment gets removed, then it’s shut off as well. The -6 is the most baffling to me. I know that this contest was asking for a supplemental card, which means you can be flexible-ish with the mechanics, but this feels...quite random. Something that has to be justified with a flavor explanation (e.g. “this character planeswalked to New Phyrexia, imbued the weapons there and helped the rebellion”) is hardly relevant on cards that don’t also speak for themselves mechanically.

I do genuinely get what you might’ve been trying to do with this card. I see the intent of how it’s supposed to be played. Right now, it’s not there at all, and would require some significant tuning. Consider for future submissions the extent to which a card’s cohesion creates meaning to the player without additives that impede purpose.

If pushed, I’d play this card with Goldwarden’s Gamit or Open the Armory.

@dumbellsndragons — Gideon and Liliana, United

Huh. Out of all the cool things I kind of expected this week, this was not one of them. Storyline wise, this makes sense based on the card, even if things may not have worked out perfectly in the end—for one of them, anyway. I find it quite interesting how you’ve captured Liliana on this card. The wizard aspect is one side—although I could see more of an argument for cleric, considering her background. It’s the strengths of working together, though! A “planeswalkers throughout history” set would indeed be a cool capture, even if it’s a bit of a pipe dream. I’m not sure where this kind of card would show up, but, uh, yeah, it sure would show up. What an odd beast. I’m not complaining by any stretch of the imagination; this thing’s just cool.

It’s also quite a wordy card. I think. The precedent isn’t there as far as I know for the pluralization, but if pronouns are available, sure. The wordiness really does cramp this card’s style, though. Did you use an extended frame, like with Mind Sculptor-sized cards? The font cap could be helpful, too, just for legibility. But that’s all minutiae. I think this card is definitely good. I wouldn’t say it’s the most novel in terms of the abilities. I will say that it does it all correctly. The emblem is the only potential issue cost-wise. Ethereal Absolution was an absolute slam-dunk in limited, and having it so easily emblem’d is, to me, a lot more frustrating than fun. I would have made the -1 a -2 and the -5 and -6, personally. Still, can’t fault you for pushing this card a bit, considering. In the first ability, the “prevent all damage” rule should be its own sentence, IIRC.

I would run this card with any big token maker like Blot out the Sky.

@hiygamer — Ral, Lightning Crafter

I KNEW that Lightning Crafter was already a card! Not a Ral one, but yeah, no, the Goblin! ... Which is unrelated to this card. Right, so, the biggest little critique I have is that this card should probably be a rare. And...that’s about it, tweaking-wise! These are the hardest cards to really think and talk about. In every format in which they would be played, they’re certainly good and they do exactly what they’d want to do. Sure! And they’re also not particularly hair-raising enough for me to feel the tingly tickles of “this can be a deck.” I would play it in draft, and I’d have fun with saving mana for instant-speed things. The control player in me loves it. And the drawing/copying? Yes, it’s fun!

Where is that spark? I wish I could explain the hand-wavery-ness of this notion fully. I guess the adage is that doing everything right is good, but doing everything within the bounds of goodness is itself an impediment to greatness. ... This isn’t art school, I don’t know why I’m being so dramatic about this. I really do like the wording on that static ability. Teferi, Master of Time is such a fun card to play in my control piles. Adding red as an Oathbreaker would be just as awesomely fun. What can I say? Power is power. Shocks are shocking. There’s no cheatsidoodling with this card that hasn’t already been cheatsidoodled before, but dammit, I’m unstoppable.

I think I’d have fun playing this card with Karn’s Temporal Sundering or Narset’s Reversal

@knightofthelivingtable2 — Narset, Nexus Seeker

I think this card is...fine? It’s nice to have a spellslinging kind of deck, but there’s really not much to say about this card. Honestly, this feels like it belongs in the Shadows over Innistrad era, and its power level is quite weak compared to what I was expecting from this contest. What’s the deck this card wants to go in? Storm comes to mind, or like, flashback fun. The -1 ability airlifted from JtMS is still good like it was then. That -X lacks that excitement factor or really the cohesive factor that this card needs to really bring it home. Surveiling is good, I like that aspect.

Perhaps the issue is that this card is necessarily going to be compared to other blue planeswalkers and other forms of the monocolor planeswalker, certainly when deckbuilding. If you’re drafting this card, you hope that you pull enough instants/sorceries to matter, and I guess maybe there’s a graveyard theme. Oh, wait, I think I get it. This card is asking for the player to build completely around it, so as to rely on it, without providing the rest of the deck with the tools it needs to increase its power level to any significant degree. Narset, Parter of Veils locks and loots. The Jaces and Teferis speak for themselves. The Tezzerets want you to jam your favorite artifacts. What does this card ask of you? There are already better casting payoffs and permanent reductions available in these colors, and better. Storming off may be nice, but it’s just not a necessary component.

I suppose I’d play this card with Runic Repetition or Aminatou’s Augury.

@lich-of-the-golgari — Baran, Aethermage Adept (JUDGE PICK)

Oh hell yeah. That +2 is already singing my name. There are a lot of interesting creature-ways to make this morph stuff work—morph/manifest, yes, yes, I know—and boy howdy do I love ‘em. This card’s pretty straightforward and pretty easy to grok, assuming you know what manifest is. Hopefully if you open a booster pack there will be other cards that explain it. But, Esper creatures! The only “issue” (and by that I mean issue for all these other poor opponents) is that I’d run this card immediately in a blink-and-taxes deck, and nobody would be my friend. Is that necessarily a bad thing? For them. You’ve activated my evil side. Good job. And of course, in limited, it’s just straight-up phenomenal.

You’ve also activated my “wording nitpicking” trap card. So! For that -3, this is just a personal preference, but I would word that ability as: “Exile target creature. Until end of turn, for as long as that card is exiled, you may cast it and you may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to cast it.” See Covetous Urge and company. The reason is to clear up any ambiguity. For the -7, the wording of the emblem should be “Whenever you manifest a card, draw a card for each face-down permanent you control.” Also for ambiguity. But, hoooooo boy, yeah, this card’s a fun little thang.

I would...oh, lordy, what would my spell be? Aethermage’s Touch is fun, but... Swarm Surge? :3

@little-red-rabbit — Valentino, Dark Desires

Alright, so what we’re gonna do is go through each ability, fix up the wording, and then talk about what they’re doing.

- “Draw a card, then discard a card. You may cast the card discarded this way if it has mana value X, where X is half of Valentino’s loyalty, rounded up.” I get what you may be trying to enable here, this kind of pseudo-madness. The tracking of that value changing every turn is a little odd, and personally, I would find a different thing to do with that discard, because the ever-shifting nature makes it hard to build around if you need to have exactly half loyalty. Can you see how that might make the deckbuilding kind of hard, if you might not ever get the right card to discard? Make sure to check your punctuation and spelling.

- “Sacrifice a creature. Create a token that’s a copy of that creature, except it’s a 2/2 blue Illusion creature token in addition to its other types.” The reason why this card needs that wording is in case you animated something that isn’t normally a creature with an ability like that of Karn, the Great Creator. Make sure to capitalize your creature types.

- “You get an emblem with “Whenever a creature you control dies, target opponent loses life equal to the number of card types among cards in your graveyard.”” It’s not hard to respond to this with graveyard hate, but it’s not a bad emblem if you can work around it. I’m a little iffy on the fact that it targets, because if an opponent has hexproof or protection, all that +1ing to get here is for naught.

All in all, this is definitely a graveyard-centric planeswalker and has some strong backing to its abilities, but the odd +1 and the aforementioned necessary fixes kind of obscure the polish. I think that in limited, the open-ended graveyard focus would actually make for a neat card to build around, and in a format like Oathbreaker, you could have some toolbox fun.

I would play this card with To the Slaughter or something evil like Wash Away.

@misterstingyjack — Ral, Stormwielder (JUDGE PICK)

An energy planeswalker. You maniac. I love him. Honestly, even in a vacuum, this guy’s pretty cool. Ral on Kaladesh sounds like a gay disaster, but that’s my M.O. so what do I know. “Free” energy every turn is really fun when you can spin the Marvel and go nuts with storming off. There’s already an infinite turns combo to be made with copying, proliferation, etc, but that’s for people who want to be that way, and honestly...lol I would definitely do that who am I kidding. I feel that the only meta-annoyance is how reliant this guy is on energy, but the limited environment, again, would speak to that. This guy is niche to the max.

Is that bad? Hell no. NGL, the amount of energy already available plus the amount of proliferate already available makes this card really, really, really damn good. Too good? I’unno. Recursion, damage, and copying are all dangerous, though. If I were to give this to one of our local Modern players and tell them to do a Custom Oathbreaker challenge, this card would come out on top, almost unquestionably. I’m worried about it being broken. But, hey, when am I not. (except for when they don’t have recursion, damage, and copying on a single card)

I would run this card with Confiscation Coup or Tezzeret’s Gambit.

@nine-effing-hells — Kira-Kira, Sokenzan Hero

I had to double-check with a local judge, but yes indeed, this card does work. I really like that static ability and I think it’s absolutely hilarious. That +1 isn’t the most inspired, but hell if it’s not functional, and it can even ping itself if need be. In limited, that -X is feasible in some builds. But honestly, I think I’m far more disappointed than I have any right to be. Let’s back up here. Limitations are nice. This limitation is somewhat confusing, somewhat frustrating, and there was an easy solution to make it better: “[-X]: Add X {R}. Spend this mana only to cast artifact spells or activate abilities of artifacts.” Or even just equipment! Why specify equip or reconfigure? I want to be able to use that mana to return Batterskull, dammit.

In all seriousness, that last ability really is the roadblock to me liking this card a lot more, although small-nitpicky feels makes me point out that this could have and should have been rare all things considered. Moving on, though. The goblin planeswalker with a big buff and some fun stuff is so close to making me gleeful but the restrictions are an affront to my delicate sensibilities and I’ll get run over elsewhere. What on earth am I talking about. ... Re-backing up, though, it’s a fun equipment-based card that’s good in its two-color shell, fun to build with, and overall pretty good.

I would run this card with Rebel Salvo or Reckless Crew

@piccadilly-blue — Hyperion, the Fortress

There’s a lot of white control cards that could make this card quite annoying, at least in the way that I enjoy playing; what can I say, I’m a Heliod Stax kind of guy (sorry). A limited planeswalker that basically adds seven extra to your life total on top of whatever else you’ve played this game is quite a lot, and I worry about this card stonewalling players. After all, these things are made to be drafted. 3WWW might’ve been a good limit, though I will say the three white pips was a good idea. I’m a little frustrated by the addition of the defender counter on that -2 ability. I don’t necessarily want to give my own stuff defender, and I don’t want to give my opponent’s cards first strike. It’s not removal or removable, and that could use a little editing IMO.

With the -X, I don’t hate it, but it’s a hell of a repeatable payoff. It’s odd, to me, that the +1 and a -1 would do...the exact same thing? Actually, wow, yeah, that is kind of silly. Maybe a little variance could have been a better option. Still, I understand that this week was a weird one, so I won’t hold that against you too much. Name’s a bit on the nose, but I don’t want to go down a Wikipedia rabbit hole of etymology so I am gonna leave that one for now, thank you. (The first part, I mean, “Hyperion,” not “fortress.” Although now I’m curious...”

I think I’d play this card with something fun like Gift of Estates or Approach of the Second Sun.

@railway-covidae — Tunnac, Corrupter of the Way

“Alright, and I’m going to -11 my Tunnac!” “In response, Silence.” ... That’s a bit harsh, but that’s also more risky than I’d ever go for. It’s an “if you don’t win the game, you immediately lose” effect, and based on the board state, you’re going to have a rough time dealing with everything coming your way there. What’re you gonna do, have a Gideon of the Trials emblem? Maybe. This card’s an odd duck. Certainly needs to be mythic. I like the imagination on display, though, and Mardu Spellslinging is one crazy idea. The damage is a little restrictive, or at least what the +2 is asking for, but the power of the -2 (which really should be a -3, ngl) is a nice touch.

The +2, though, falls into the same trap it always has. You can’t have deathtouch and “trample” on the same card without causing a plethora of hard-to-grok explanations that aren’t simple and aren’t feasible. The interaction between those two kinds of mechanics is a result of rules intersections, and as far as I can tell, not intended to specifically go together. I feel that every few contests, this kind of thing comes up. Instead of getting too peeved, though, I want to reiterate this: you’re designing for players who may or may not have the resources, knowledge, wherewithal, and enfranchisement that we have. That’s where the skills come in. Also, I’m just realizing, the +2 is worded oddly because it needs to specify that the spell has to deal damage to a permanent in order to have that interaction. Otherwise, like, it’s just dangling there.

I would run this card with Rousing Refrain or Worldfire.

@reaperfromtheabyss — Davriel Kane, Dread Signator

Playing politics makes for some odd choices. That card advantage for yourself there on the +1 is absolutely insane, and giving opponents cards is also going to kill you. Black group hug is pretty dangerous, but not the most dangerous it could be. If they have hexproof/protection, then, well, you’re effed, but that’s just what happens. The fact that the -2 has to have a target for the counters but not the debuff is also, for the record, a little weird. With the -6 as well, I have to wonder: what exactly is keeping those demons at bay? What happens when you copy or populate one of the tokens? If you populate a Demon token created this way, which one is the one that can attack you and which can’t? If you blink Davriel, because he’s the object that created the tokens and he’s a new object now, would those original tokens be able to attack you because they weren’t created with the original -6 ability?

My point is that the wording is wrong. If it gave the demons an ability that, like, they can’t attack players who control a Davriel planeswalker, maybe that would work, or if you got an emblem with “Demons can’t attack you” or something. There are options! This whole card feels a bit like a duct-tape blazer, though. It’s quirky and shiny on the outside, but I can’t run it through the washing machine and I certainly wouldn’t wear it with my good pants. Is it conceptually fun? Absolutely. The intent makes me grin. The smoothness could be smoothed smoother.

I think I’d enjoy playing this card, again, with Cruel Entertainment or Dark Deal.

@sparkyyoungupstart — Sayfa, Simic Undergrad

Alright. Let’s go through each of these parts and talk about what we’d need to fix.

NAME: What is this trying to convey? Does the Simic Combine have a specific school like Quandrix? I don’t feel the experimental qualities of the powerful faction here, or the power of the planeswalker you’re intending to convey.

STATIC: This is asking to be a replacement ability (“If you would...”) but doesn’t offer an “instead” there, which is implied and left unstated. If it’s a replacement, you need to say what it replaces. I wouldn’t have put this on, honestly, because the ability to repeat untap effects is a ticket to very easily breaking several combos.

+1: Having an uptick ability that doesn’t force a target is good. Having an ability that doesn’t do anything a chunk of the time unless you specifically have a creature with a +1/+1 counter is a little frustrating. Yes, you can build around it, and yes, it’ll function, but why not just untap a creature in general? Also, the fact that this card doesn’t have any ways to put counters on your own creatures feels like a missed opportunity.

-2: “Each creature you control with a +1/+1 counter on it gains your choice of flying or trample until end of turn.” Easy wording edit, that’s fine.

-7: So again, with no way to put +1/+1 counters on your creatures naturally, why would you save up four turns for a creature that may not be anything but a 1/1 that can’t protect itself? The legendary clause is a little odd, too; not that “Squidgeon” isn’t admittedly hilarious, but considering that it’s perhaps a species, I don’t see why it needs to be legendary at all. It’s not exactly Marit Lage.

Overall, I feel that this card needed a significant overhaul with an understanding of what makes planeswalker designs function and how the wording on spells and abilities would impact their designs.

I would play this card with Quandrix Command or perhaps just Cultivate/Kodama’s.

@squeezyboi — Janoc, Tin Street Tinker

Yesss, appropriately rare walkers. So! You’re evil and I love you. We’re also in a place where you need to think about New Objects and the Zones of Stuff. What you’re intending to do, as far as I can tell, is have a SUPER quirky build-around sexy exile slingy deck that’s got a lot on its plate. The problem is that whenever Janoc becomes a new object, the +2 won’t see the first card that got exiled from its ETB and the -4 can’t see it either. How should we fix this? Karn, Scion of Urza is the answer.

If you exile cards with a certain type of counter on them, they can’t be manipulated by proliferation or Thrull Parasite effects, and then other later Janocs can get ‘em back. Tinker counters! Do you see what I’m saying with that? Then, the only problems become the fact that (a) the -4 is...weird because hands aren’t public information? What do you do if you have a land card in your hand? Why not make it so that you have to exile a nonland card as the may and then WHEN you do that you get to do something with a different name? and then (b) Janoc becomes free Eldrazi tribal that gives you cast triggers. You and I both know that that’s how that stuff goes. Is that the intent? No. Is that how it’s gonna be? Look, I see “free” and my brain goes “Fre’mrakul or maybe Freezilek.” In limited? Eff yeah this card would kick ASS.

But, as it goes, I’m playing this baby with Savor the Moment or Thoughtcast in a workshop-storm build.

@thaneofstuff — Seynir, Abzan Exile

Right, time for a lesson about the planeswalker card type. Planeswalkers can still be attacked, and their loyalty counters will be removed, and then they’re put into the graveyard and “die” as a result of state-based actions. So if you were to give Seynir the ability indestructible, it would read the exact same way. Does that make sense? Alright, moving on. I like the gist of this card’s mood. I would make it a rare, even with indestructible, but with the Abzan being what they are, this card’s still pretty cool. The name has some history behind it, which I enjoy.

The +1 should, in my opinion, read in the second part “You gain 2 life and mill a card for each creature sacrificed this way.” It flows a little better. The -4 is really fun, though, and can get off an awesome ult. It’s a shame that the indestructible doesn’t protect itself, as mentioned above, but then you can have other token-makers to ensure that it’ll be solidly beefed by the time you get the -4 off. All in all, I actually like this card more than I thought I initially would, because it feels substantially Abzan and I can feel myself building with it! Tokens are definitely a fun place to be.

I would like to build this Oathbreaker deck wiiiiith... Let’s say Harsh Sustenance or—OH! Eerie Ultimatum!

@wolkemesser — Baltrice, Consortium Arsonist (JUDGE PICK)

Gotta say: love the name. Also gotta say: this card’s one of those where it’s self-explanatory and self-reflective and kind of obvious but at the same time, really, really good. The only worry is the power level, actually, plus that last ability’s redundancy. Lemme go over my concern first: the bodily advantage. When you get this planeswalker out, you’re getting a free two pings plus two attacking bodies, which is essentially four damage if you’re out on an empty board. Depending on your token-makers, you’ll then be taking out any blockers and then ping-ping-pinging in your opponents’ planeswalkers without anything stopping them. That’s...a lot. The -3 ability isn’t supremely new, either. What’s the point of one big blocker if the first two abilities are all about having hasty go-wides? I feel that that could have been more advantageous as a draw or looting thing.

Number two, actually, is the casting cost itself. This is a cheap walker that does a LOT of talking. She’s not gonna be hard to recast and she’s not gonna be easy to kill. Really, this thing’s just a little too aggro. What do we do? Easy: make her at least four mana, and maybe make the +1 a single token, and perhaps if you’re being cheeky? You can have the token ETB either deal damage or make loyalty for her and have the +1 become a 0 instead. I dunno, I’m just brainstorming here. This card’s fun and central and would be annoying in limited and worth going red for! Still, whaddaya gonna do: it’s just a touch too fast.

I would definitely build this deck with Indulge//Excess or Rally the Horde.

@yd12k — Nifah, Fellow Traveller

Not gonna lie, misspelling “Traveler” in the name isn’t a strong start, but I’ve misspelled more words incorrectly than correctly in my life, and it reflects absolutely nothing on your person. What does reflect is the curiosity and utter bravery of the angle you’ve chosen for your card. The +2 and -3 abilities are perfectly functional for a planeswalker that, well, exists; the rest of the card is based around the concept of a draftable Planechase format whereupon, for this contest, people will then be playing Planechase Oathbreaker with their playgroups.

I don’t know if that’s a misread of the prompt or an delving into secrets to which I will never be privy, but I genuinely did not expect this kind of card. And having played Planechase once or thrice in my life, I can say with confidence that this card is probably going to be fine. That’s...about all I can say for it. This was sort of an Oathbreaker-adjacent contest and for that this card cannot be properly judged. Really, that’s the unfortunate truth of it. Planechase wasn’t meant to be drafted, nor was Oathbreaker meant to be Planechase’d. F*** it. In this amazing universe, this card you’ve designed is by all standards Pretty Darn Good(™). I wish I could give you more with that.

As for cards I’d play with Nifah, I’m at a loss. Let’s just go with Growth Spiral and Minds Aglow for now.

That’s that. See y’all in a while! @abelzumi

#mtg #magic the gathering #custom magic card #oathbreaker contest #commentary #inventor's fair

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artheresy · 7 months

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I have begun to categorize every single book that is available so far in Honkai: Star Rail, that being about 195 pieces of written text within the game’s bookshelf which isn’t accounting for the possibility of any pieces of text that stay within the inventory as opposed to the bookshelf

I have it all planned out, aside from in game info, also planning on putting my own opinions regarding the readability of each individual piece as well as the lore importance because of my god, the amount of information about Lan that is put into those little books, and just any opinions of mine regarding the text

I’m having fun, I know theres gonna be some boring shit to read like the official reports and documents or purchasing lists, but there have also been some really enjoyable things to read so far like Baiheng’s Travelogue on the Zhuming is definitely one of the funniest pieces of text to read as well as just easy to read safe for a few typos because it’s all written like stream of consciousness so it feels very much like Baiheng’s inner thoughts on a page. No overly complicated phrasing nor awkward formatting because again, it’s very much like Baiheng’s inner thoughts and its so fun to read and the description of the Zhuming is so good, it’s just so full of emotion as well and RAAAHHH if you’re going to eventually walk away with only one thing from my future Google Sheets document categorizing all the books we have so far, it should be that You Should Read Views of the Universe from a Starskiff: The Xianzhou Zhuming, its so good its so g o o d

Also very lore important all things considered

ANYWAYS, I’ll rant about all this later, I got shit to categorize byyyeee

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pelman · 1 year

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man, i love being a composer. i make such fucking good music because it is made exactly to my tastes... every time i relisten to my music i surprise myself again with choices i wasnt even consciously making in the moment, with how vibrant my music is and how much character it holds, how much it says about me; i am my favorite composer because my music speaks to me more than anyone elses could. it speaks FOR me more than anyone elses could.

i am so excited to put out this next set of albums; my craft has come so far. i am so excited to share my works with people. the sharing is the best part of making it. it is such a safe and fun and productive way to put myself out there and show off who i am as a person... by showing people months of me basically sculpting a replica of some part of myself, in a format that influences people so strongly, i think i make a very bold impression of my personality. and i think that is something i can appreciate

i dont know where im going with this post. but i do know my music fucking slaps.

stream low signal and high fidelity, in that order, or youre a coward /nsrs /nf

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fzzr · 8 months

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Monogatari Read-Along Re-Watch — Kizumonogatari

Inspired by some others on tumblr, I'm going to read each Monogatari novel and then watch the anime adaptation arc by arc. I don't have anything in particular I'm looking for, just wondering what the differences are and how the two compare. Since the English box set of the novels put Kizumonogatari ahead of Bake, I'm doing Kizu first.

Novel

I've read a lot of first-person fiction recently, and Koyomi's narrative voice feels like it's coming from deeper inside him, somehow. It's not quite stream of consciousness, but more like stream of reminiscence. Rather than just recounting what happens, Koyomi is recalling it, commenting on his memories as he processes them. This gives us an extra layer of insight into his emotional state, as he both describes what he felt at the time and how he feels about his actions then in retrospect.

Another fun feature is the language and wordplay. Obviously it's not always possible to directly translate the Japanese puns (and I'm not qualified to judge if it did) but there's a sprinkling of English language tricks that only work in writing, which I'm given to understand are a pretty good equivalent. A lot of what gives Koyomi his unique voice is the way his mind skips between the focus of the moment and small distractions, which often take the form of these language games.

The dialogue between the characters was great, too. This is just as I expected, since dialogue is arguably the thing that made Monogatari into a phenomenon. Nearly every character has Koyomi on the back foot in conversation at some point (or almost all the time) and the interplay with his mind-state makes the dance of jokes and jabs that much more engaging.

This was my first time reading anything by NISIOISIN and it really was a treat. I'm definitely looking forward to what else I can learn about the characters beyond what the anime had time to show.

Movie

As a movie with different artistic direction and production processes than the TV anime, it's aesthetically quite different from the rest of the series. As is often the case, this manifests in more detailed character designs and intricate movement. Kiss-shot and especially Tsubasa are at their very best in Kizumonogatari. It also features five action scenes of varying length, and these definitely benefit from the extra animation time. Oshino Meme spends relatively little time in motion in the TV series, so getting to see his character come through in his actions, fight scene and otherwise, was much appreciated.

The issue for me arises when looking at what's missing from the movie. The TV series jumps through hoops to capture Koyomi's (and other viewpoint characters') internal mental state. The movie doesn't take us nearly as deep into Koyomi's head. This lets it be more subtle with conveying where he is mentally, but it cuts us off from a lot of his actual thought process. His thought process is what defines the entire voice of the novel and this feels like just too big of a thing to give up.

Kizumonogatari makes great use of the strengths of the movie format, and I did indeed like it more this time with the context of the book to make some parts hold together better. It's just that the great tradeoff of time constraints associated with that strength were allowed to run counter to what makes Monogatari what it is at an even higher level.

Conclusion

Kizumonogatari has always been my least favorite part of the series, and that hasn't really changed. However, reading the book has given me a new appreciation for this important chapter. I wish the movie had been able to capture more of it.

#monogatari #kizumonogatari #anime #original post #monogatari read-along re-watch

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the-arctic-commune · 1 year

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So, one of the interesting things about Dream SMP and in general livestreamed collaborative storytelling is that it is at its heart a very new form of media. By virtue of the constraints and motivations provided by the “camera” here, the conventions of similar storytelling don’t necessarily apply.

Now, the extent to which this is true has been overstated in the past, and I don’t want to examine livestreamed storytelling as too fundamentally innovative. But there are a few things about the livestreaming format that are interesting in how they violate standard assumptions!

One in particular is the treatment of death. Now, this is Minecraft death, so frequently it’s very funny and not very important. However, sometimes in collaborative storytelling, death is important, and so it’s compelling to ask how the medium treats it.

Here, specifically, I’m going to compare DSMP to the kind of blockbuster Marvel action movies that theaters are flooded with. Now, how many times in those movies do you see this?

youtube

That’s an entire building being crashed into and potentially falling down. That’s a skyscraper presumably housing thousands of people. And it’s just... casually destroyed for set dressing and we move on.

This trope in action movies, where massive spectacular destruction to infrastructure is relatively harmless, is caused by the camera. The camera does not track people in the building; if they do die, they die off-screen and we never see them. The camera tells us not to care, so we avoid the realities of conflicts of this scale in order to have fun looking at explosions.

(Note that the camera could tell us to care, and especially in movies consciously critiquing the all-powerful superhero, sometimes does. But frequently, it does not)

Now, how does the camera treat death in Minecraft? Well, it’s interesting, because the chat displays death messages. And not only that, but it directly assigns blame with the “was killed by X” part. You have to be fairly careful and clever to kill someone in a way that doesn’t trigger an announcement of your fault to the entire server.

So if someone is streaming? The camera is always on death. It isn’t possible for even the most innocuous of deaths to escape mention. When there is a tragedy, the record is writ there large for everyone to see.

When grand, action-movie events like Doomsday and the Red Festival happen, there’s no way to have spectacle without also having a spotlight on death. There’s a tension here: actors are trying to emulate the kind of awesome fights we see in film, but the camera can’t pull back and avoid the consequences of those fights. The audience can’t be left to thoughtlessly appreciate the action; we have to acknowledge the casualties.

And I think that’s interesting.

#words #dream SMP #lore analysis

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rosella-writes · 2 years

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fic author self rec

Thank you for the tag, @roguelioness, @noire-pandora, and @rakshadow! 💚

When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love.

Phew so... not only am I all over the place, but I have a lot of piddly nonsense on my ao3, so let's see what I like in this mess, yeah?

i'd wanna be held by you, felled by you (fuel the pyre of your enemies) holds the very beginnings of Virelan. She's a nameless warrior in this who dreams that she's a Dalish charger, like in Merrill's tale, and chases the Dread Wolf down and takes him by the tail. I'm really proud of the dream sequence in this and the sensory details.

i've no language left to say it (all I do is crave) is a lighthearted, kinda sexy action piece with Eliana Lavellan, my poor neglected mage OC, and Solas with some stave-sparring in the Emerald Graves. There's sweat and teasing and a Darcy-esque white shirt.

her fight and fury is fiery (oh but she loves like sleep to the freezing) is my take on the Fen'Harel and the Tree tale that Felassan tells Briala in TME. It's a hard read and deals with assault, but it felt important to write. I formatted it like how the bard tells his story in Dread Wolf Take You, except that it's Solas telling Felassan what happened when Andruil assaulted him, which I thought was very clever at the time.

this heart is open (bloodstain on my sleeve) is one of my least popular pieces but one of my personal favourites, just because it's my Rhiannon Mahariel and Alistair being assholes to each other but loving one another all the same. It explores messy interpersonal relationships and how sometimes people break up or love for the wrong reasons, but the love sometimes comes out okay in the end anyway.

We Share the Ancient Memories, Now Beheld in Wonder is so precious to me, despite being a common ick for folks because of its pairing. It's a Solas/Cole pairing, Cole POV, and focuses on Cole's emerging relationship with his own emotions rather than those of others. It's an ace positive relationship with a brief exploration of intimacy in the Fade that goes no further, and has some really fun internal Cole voice and dialogue that let me pour my all into alliterative descriptions and stream of consciousness storytelling.

I'd love to see you brag on your fics, @darethshirl, @melisusthewee, @dreadfutures, @thebookworm0001 and @oxygenforthewicked, if you'd like. 💚

#my writing #dragon age #solavellan #dragon age inquisition #dao #alistair x mahariel #alistair theirin #self promo

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merge-conflict · 1 year

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💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

🥰

Alright, so unfortunately all I have to share for this one is pieces that are either technically a WIP, or a cut scene, but c'est la vie.

When I'm drafting out an important scene that isn't dialog-heavy I tend to write in stream of consciousness, hitting all the sensory descriptions and metaphors at a high level, which sort of gives me a frame to actually write the rest of it along? I had to search to find a small example because I've started just deleting them after I've written it.. so from cyberhanami I had:

Born To Die [Johnny Silverhand - thats what the name is for, a construct just like the tower. the whipping wind, the smell of burnt plastic, scorched metal and ganic flesh. moving into the belly of the beast. gummy lids. pain too intense to think. half blinded by the blast but it doesn’t matter. from hotblooded to sluggish. triumphant and then just Dead. he wakes up to see the tower. he wakes up to see the tower!]

I took me a while to start doing that, I think because I felt like it wasn't the Proper Way to outline anything, before I realized that was a dumb reason not to use a tool that works lol. Anyway, at some other point I also realized that if I clean this up a little, it has a very particular energy that is perfect for writing a sensory overload moment, or a sort of dissociative scene. Think like those moments in movies where all you hear is a loud ringing sound while a character is trying to deal with either too much at once, or the literal or metaphorical outcome of an explosion. And I really like having found a distinct style to tell those scenes in, which I did first roughly in a now outdated scene (probably 2-ish years old..) for my longfic:

Which direction she picked she couldn’t tell. Johnny’s voice buzzed in her head, subtle as a jackhammer and just as incomprehensible. She passed people on the street, who regarded her with the well-founded hostility all Pacifica had for outsiders, and she had to strangle the absurd desire to shriek with laughter.

Her throat ached. Her body ached.

Her heart, her sorry bruised broken dead heart, sat in her chest and she wanted to pull it out and scrape it clean, bite it, cut it, eat it, anything to make it stop.

The sun was too loud, glinting off concrete like a spotlight. Her skull heaved. She could feel thick blood oozing out of her nose, her ears, her mouth but though she kept wiping at her face she found only sweat. Tears, too, which stung at her eyes. Every part of her vibrated with panicked fury, shivering in the heat of the midday sun. Johnny’s speech gradually had more pauses, more profanity, demanding a response, but it all washed over her like autumn wildfire.

Which was a lot of fun to write, but even though it's kind of pushing at what the Rules of writing are that I vaguely remember from school, it's still pretty regular. So I thought, what happens when I say fuck the rules, and really mess around with style and presentation. Who gets to decide the format and encoding of this piece I'm sharing? Me! :3

And so even though this is an out of order scene that I still have so much to get through before I decide how and in what form to keep it, I'm very attached to the extremely dissociative style of a WIP I've shared in a few iterations:

“Valentina?”

it was a calm voice, a strong voice, wielded in the kind of tone reserved for something feral and dangerous and pathetic. she could not be valentina, and she could not be johnny, and she could not be human, but the awful cacophony in her head would not allow her to be nothing.

Just with the lowercase formatting, it creates a sense of unease, a sense of distance from being fully conscious and fully present. The sentences run into each other, over each other. Not a fully formed thought, but more of an animal stream of consciousness. The following should resonate with anyone who has had to bear the mortifying ordeal of being comforted during a breakdown:

“I need an answer, Valentina. Yes or no. You don’t have to speak if you don’t want to, but I still need your answer.”

“No.”

her voice weak. her voice soft like rust. an impression where once something used to be.

“Thank you. Now how are you feeling?”

her lungs wheezed, a madman’s laughter, but that was hers that was her right and she was weak and tired but her laugh was sharp like a blade and so long as she could hide her face from light it was enough to keep the ground underneath her feet.

“Valentina–“

“No.” Wrong.

this doctor was not stupid. “V?”

agreement could be a sort of silence– if you were petty about it, if you were cornered and angry and helpless like a cat in alley. a fox in a trap. (no. no more. no more–) if you were coiled in and around yourself, where you could not be, but could not afford not to be, that could be yes.

Even like this, you can see that the panicked animal brain is still being managed by V's reflexive and somewhat painful self-awareness. And I'm really happy with dipping into that style when the story is specifically about sense of self, how far self-control can go, and fighting against your own nature.

Aaaaaanyway this got stupidly long and I'm sorry for that, but I just love deliberately playing with writing style and finding and playing to my strengths, even if it's not everyone's cup of tea. :3

#using up one of my long post tickets for this one #ask meme #my instinct that talking about my work is impolite battling with my urge to ramble about writing :3 #can i also say what a delight it is to see everyone talking about the parts of the art they're most passionate about?#i love it #please do it every day i'll never get tired of seeing it #edit: i may have strayed somewhat from the exact instructions for this ask but ehhhhh

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ghostslimu · 1 year

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introduction 2.0 the updated edition

UPDATE: art account wooo!! @ghostslimu-art hi! this used to be a system blog but turns out we have a lot more to say! cw a lot of text. like, a wall of text. sorry formatting not my hobby

(scroll a little for DNI)

about me ("host" or rather, most frequent fronter): - i go by virgil (or mika), he/him - 18 (body's age) - in a lot of (pretty mainstream, sorry) fandoms but will probably never talk about them here - transmasc (mostly binary, just some guy) bi and on the aroace spectrum!! - in an (outer system) poly relationship with 2 dudes who have no idea this blog exists - formally diagnosed with a lot of stuff but that's none of your business - i write! very rarely also draw - i like horror and romance and sometimes fantasy!!

about the whole system: - we don't have a system name sadly sorry - a lot of alters, even more fragments (50+) - traumatized, putting the dissociative and disorder in DID. being a system is, generally for us, not all that fun - no collective stance on syscourse, so don't ask us about it. each alter is entitled to their own opinion, and most of us just don't care enough to have one, sorry - all information on introjects and littles will be kept off this blog for our own safety, unless they want to participate in posting in the future! - we want to reblog more but are often too shy to interact with other people #socialanxiety, so this blog is mostly just a collection of our stream of consciousness, sorry about that. this is less of a social media profile and more of an archive - all posts are rebloggable and can be reblogged by anyone no need to even ask

strict DNI: - basic criteria. racists, antisemites, homophobes, maps, terfs, etc. - believe in "narcissistic abuse" or "borderline abuse" or any other "disorder + abuse" format - fakeclaimers - porn blogs

loose DNI (aka "it depends"): - proshipper, the term is so broad it can mean whatever so to make it clear: if you fetishize and glamorize incest or pedophilia, that's gross. if you just want to ship problematic (consenting) couples, that's fine!! if you write or read about heavy disturbing topics with critical thought, that's also fine - aesthetic blogs, if you're just here to reblog our vents. our suffering isn't pretty - strong opinions on syscourse, because we won't be able to collectively agree with you. if you only follow strictly pro or anti blogs, then this one might not be for you!! - young people. generally, there won't be anything explicitly 18+ on here, but please beware and follow at your own risk!! also, if you're too young to be on this site, you're also too young to follow. we feel most comfortable with people/systems who are (bodily) 18+ - ed blogs. i get it, i've been formally diagnosed. if you relate to a mental health post, you relate to it. feel free to reblog, just don't add any triggering commentary to any of our posts, thank u system members (here's where there used to be picrews but our appearances fluctuate so frequently, there's not much sense to that): kurt - caretaker/manager/fronting gatekeeper - 27 - he/him salem - former persecutor/now protector - 16 - she/they griffin - protector - 16 - he/they mici - headspace gatekeeper/archivist - ageless - they/he/she meta (formerly bunny) - former little - ageless - they/them svi - persecutor - 17 - he/they freddie - protector - 20-something - he/him the rest won't use this blog/are kept private for safety reasons!! please do not ask about them unless we're friends!! also keep in mind that we don't sign off as we're often blurry and it's just too much work!

#introduction #followers please do ignore this post it is unimportant

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