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#cal's basement
jcforsapphics · 4 months
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If I had a nickle for every the doctor's companion was a blonde fatherless nineteent years old girl who's name was four letters long and started with an r, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice
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moodboardmix · 3 months
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Cal Serni, Monistrol de Calders, Spain,
Victor Bouman
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animatedjen · 2 months
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You taught me what it truly means to be a Jedi.
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lqte4class · 4 months
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when will my lover (an alcoholic priest) return from the war? (he was written off the show after being abandoned at a hospital with a DIY amputation from a rusty axe)
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ask-cats-are-liquid · 8 months
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(the "what is in red's basement" ask might take a bit to get to ^^")
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lightofcapricorn · 6 months
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Walk Out Basement
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malloryvic · 28 days
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These are the same model of Hi-8 cassette tapes that ‘The Basement Tapes’ and ‘Zero Day’ were recorded onto.
While in the movie, ‘Zero Day,’ it is mostly filmed digitally though still on a Sony camcorder, the characters in - movie, Cal and Andre claim that they are recording on a series of tapes which are shown. This is what those tapes would look like up close for anyone curious who’s never seen such before.
These are compatible with my ‘98 Sony Handy-cam. Enjoy!! (: they’re convenient and come in their own cases for safekeeping, see below.
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caldrea · 2 months
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my zero day headcanons ★
andre is a huge internet troll, but he’s also very easily baited by other internet trolls
cal can sneeze with his eyes opened
andre is a chronic pacer
cal snorts a bit when he laughs, but only when he finds something truly hilarious 
cal used to hide the regular, boring band-aids so his mom would have to give him the winnie the pooh ones
andre is terrified of spiders. he barely goes into his basement because he is so scared of them even though he’s never actually seen a spider in the basement
cal has a teddybear that he cannot sleep without.
andre hates drains. so much. if he looks at them (or even thinks about them) for too long, he will feel sick
one time cal dared him to lick the drain in his bathtub. andre did it because he isn’t a pussy but he never forgave cal and holds a grudge.
andre can never turn down a dare. cal uses it to his advantage. andre will complain the whole time he does the dare and then not talk to cal for at least 30 minutes.
cal has asthma. the first time he took too big of a toke of a blunt, andre had to frantically look for his inhaler because cal was busy coughing and not being able to breath.
cal loves socks. he wears them all the time because his feet are always cold. he sleeps in them, and has certain socks that he can only wear on his bed.
andre is such an asshole to share a bed with. he takes up the whole bed.
cal is also an asshole to share a bed with. he is the worst blanket hog ever. even when andre gets his own blanket, he wakes up in the middle of the night freezing because cal also stole that blanket from him
they only sleep peacefully when cal lies on top of andre because andre can’t move and the blankets cover both of them
cal bites his nails until they’re bleeding. he tried painting them to stop but it doesn’t do anything but make him grimace at the taste
andre loves doing the crosswords on newspapers
cal used to have trouble pronouncing his r’s
cal is freakishly good at jumping rope
andre sticks his tongue out when he’s really focused on something and his brows get a bit furrowed
andre knows a bunch of magic tricks. when he first met cal’s siblings, he didn’t know how to interact with them so he would show them his magic tricks. whenever he went to cal’s house, he would show them a new one before he left.
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leibal · 3 months
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Cal Serni is a minimal house located in Monistrol de Calders, Spain, designed by Bouman. Originally intended to be revamped into a cellar and a social area for family gatherings, the project evolved to address a key architectural challenge: reconnecting the basement to the main house. This need arose from a past renovation that had sealed off the original staircase linking the two levels, effectively isolating the basement.
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drama--universe · 4 months
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Jealousy, jealousy
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Requested by anonymous: Hi 👋 can you please write for Vincenzo, Jang Han Seok, Jang Han Seo about how will they react when their jealous?
Thank you ❤️
Pairings: Vincenzo Cassano, Jang Han-Seok & Jang Han-Seo x reader
Warnings: toxic relationship (Han-Seok)
Vincenzo Cassano:
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Picking you up at work after your shift was normal for him
normally you are right at the entrance, waiting for him
today you're not
instead, you are still inside and talking to someone
it seemed like you were stopped before leaving, clear as you were holding your bag and dressed in a long coat and his shawl
now Vincenzo knew you were an decent person, not one to ever lie or even think of cheating
but the burning feeling in his chest was impossible to ignore
his hands were clenched, fingernails digging in his palm as he watched from outside
receiving weird looks from a number of people that just as quickly left after being glared at
now there are multiple ways this could go after that
one, he'd remain outside and wait for you
more likely to was option number two
he'd go inside and get you
so with a fake smile plastered on his face, he made his way inside
one of his arms made his way around your waist, a chaste kiss on your cheek before he turned to the person
holding out his hand to greet them, he made sure to tighten his grip a bit more than necessary
then he turned to you again
and you could see the slight annoyance in his eyes, so you excused yourself and made your way outside
"You're jealous."
he scoffs and roles his eyes at you
but does not deny anything and instead chooses to remain quiet
"He's already married with three kids. Trust me, he's not interested."
it changes nothing, Vincenzo has seen man do much worse
but he drops it and focuses on you instead
you might get a more clingy Vincenzo for the rest of the day though
Jang Han Seok:
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won't even try to defend him
he gets jealous quickly, doesn't really like anyone talking to you
but he won't act until it goes to far
which basically means if the other person got a bit too close for his liking
touching you in any way is also a giant no
and if that happens, the person would suddenly not talk to you anymore for some reason
worst case scenario, they'd suddenly dissapear
best example of this is your previous boss
a bit too handsy for Han-Seok's liking, even though his actions were meant in a fatherly way
and you knew this of course, seeing no problem with the touches since they were all with your consent
suddenly he didn't show up the next day
or the next
or the next week
and then you're told that you have a new boss since the previous one quit
you're at a complete loss, which quickly turns into a rant as you tell your boyfriend
unaware as he smiles throughout the story
also unaware of your previous boss' screams from your basement
instead, Han-Seok shushes to sleep with a smirk
Jang Han Seo:
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this man makes it impossible for you not to make him jealous
he trusts you fully, but by God does he get pouty
first time noticing this is at a work party
he's standing by your side, arm wrapped around your waist
you talk to a business partner
one from overseas and thus different ways of greeting
more commonly a kiss, or three, on the cheek while smiling brightly
you are accustomed to this, Han-Seo is definitely not
first, a look of bewilderment
quickly followed by a scoff and roll of the eyes
(cause he's sassy like that)
but as the conversation continues and your laughter doesn't seize, he gets pouty
fingers playing with your dress/shirt, trying to get your attention
all while his bottom lip is slightly pushed out in a form of pout
this can end in two ways then
one, he gets his attention and your friend leaves
which makes him happy, of course, and will probably get you kisses
second one, you continue to talk
gets more pouty before leaving your side, just barely though
gets something to drink or eat, gets you one as well
then basically forces himself in the conversation one way or another
will call you his wife on accident, blushes but remains confident in that statement
he's ready to pop the question anyway if you wanted him too, ring always ready in the inner pocket of his jacket/pants pocket
you usually shrug it off to his greatest disappointment
and when the conversation is fully stopped, you will probably be kissed as well
you're getting kissed anyway, so choose your route
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jcforsapphics · 5 months
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I keep replying the scene of "nerys, how is she?" "she's fine" "after the accident" "she's not fine" "well it was her fault" "she's been fine" like it's just so funny to me
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t-a-k-a-k-o · 8 days
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Heyyy can I ask for weight loss tips ?
Yeah! I have a few but idk if they work, it's just a couple things I have done, so yeah (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)
Log ur food BEFORE eating, it is easier to stick by that way
Walking is SO much better than running, it's low impact (so it's easier for injured ppl :D) and u can keep it up much longer than a run
A brisk walk can burn more than a run, my favorite (on a treadmill) is ~4.0 mph (~6.4 km/h), it is pretty easy to stick to, you work up a light sweat, and it burns abt 250 cal per hour
Take SMALL sips of water between each bite of food, like hold a cup with a straw, take a bite with one hand and sip with the other, if it's in ur hand (or at the edge of the table) it makes it easier, at first I would take like gulps but even just enough to wet ur tongue works
Portion ur snacks, if u have a big bag of like veggie chips portion it into the recommended serving size or whatever amount u want, otherwise u might eat more and it's harder to control urself, if it's in containers or little bags whatever, just portion
Eat ur healthy food first, if u have a balanced meal eat ur vegetables and fruit first, then move up for calories, so eat ur food lowest cal to highest bc u might get full from the lower cal stuff first, save some fruit for the end of ur meal tho so ur mouth feels clean and the reason why ppl eat dessert/crave sweetness after eating is because their body is craving fruit to aid digestion
Try little workout apps (yk the stupid ones like "lose weight in 30 days) it may not be much but it gets u to burn a few extra calories in a short time if ur busy, they are fairly easy and beginner friendly, and depending on which one u can actually feel them work if u want to burn more than just a bit, it also holds u accountable
Adjust ur calorie limit by weight, if u lose like 10 lbs (4.5 kg) u can't consume the same amount of calories bc ur maintenance amount is lower now and u will plateau
I recently started this, but have a weight tracker on ur body, I have a chain that I put on like permanent jewelry around my waist, it's like African waist beads or I think in Latin America they use like a string, it makes it so if u don't know when to stop eating it will tell u by the way ur stomach expands
DRINK DRINK DRINK WATER, I try to drink at LEAST a US gallon (~4 l) every day
OMAD is one of the BEST things if u live with family, skip ur insignificant meals and the one ur family most often sits together/finds "important" is the one u eat
If ur at home and ur craving food, take a shower, take a shower, take a couple hours for self care, pamper ur skin a bit, by the time ur done u will feel fresh and the craving will probably be gone
Try to not "give up" like if u have eaten like crap and u want a cookie try to not be like "oh well I'm doing bad enough today anyway" personally that just leads to more guilt and purg1ng
Ok this one may sound a bit weird, but gaslight urself, after eating some and the feeling in ur stomach changes be like "omg I'm so full" and keep saying it aloud, and if u eat more u will lowkey be shamed by others bc they will say stuff like "I thought u were full", gaslight urself into being like "I don't feel hungry" I do those two a lot but, gaslight urself into liking things, disliking things, putting in effort, etc.
This one rly made me work out, if I am laying in bed and I am a bit (even just a teeny TINY bit) restless I tell myself "if I'm just gonna scroll [Tumblr] I might as well walk while I do it" and then I consciously get up, walk into my basement, and on this treadmill we got (it was free from a friend and the middle is broken but it functions enough, and it's still snowing where I live), it doesn't matter what u wear, as long as u can make urself get up u and exercise it's a win (esp with depression lol), I have worked out in nice little workout clothes to rly give the vibes but I have also worked out in pajamas, my 16 km walk for my birthday I did on the treadmill in fluffy socks (I got rly bad blisters so I don't recommend it but it turned out fine, I was planning on a short little walk but it just extended a whole lot) just getting urself up is a win so whatever it takes, do it
If u have workout equipment at home, u don't have to raw dog it, listen to music, read a book, scroll on Tumblr, etc. no one says u can't
In my experience eating even a bit during a fast just leads into temptation, I do better when I don't eat at all than eating a bit bc after I eat a bit I see how hungry I am
That was a lot but those r the ones I can think of off the top of my head, if I remember more I can post more if u want, but yk what? Don't feel bad, ik it sounds stupid but it rly is the best thing u can do, if u binge move on, it's in the past, if u r not able to get up and exercise that's ok, just by being ur beautiful self u burn calories, if ur exhausted and u need something to run on eat a snack, it's better to be able to keep going than drown
I don't know if anyone will rly make it all the way down here but I just want u all to know u r loved by sooo many ppl no matter what u look like, every single one of u are art and art is in the eye of the beholder, I hope ur fast goes easy and u lose a kilo before u step on a scale again
Ily all and stay safe ♡♡♡
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pete-spankoffski · 14 days
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[Cal didn't like being down here. Nothing good ever happened in the basement. Especially this one. A putrid smell filled the air....one that call recognized far too easily. They raced down the steps.]
[No no no no no no.]
-@calaverage
[ Pete blinks, the sound of footsteps. He shrinks in fear, at the brink of death at this point. He couldn’t tell if that was Melissa, or someone else. Melissa or not, he closes his eyes. ]
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imtryingbuck · 6 months
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Fly Birdie fly
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Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader
Summary: The team lose their friend (I’m bad at summaries sorry)
Word count: 2,628
Warnings: angst. brief mention of a pregnant woman dying, fluff, swearing
Masterlist   Series Masterlist
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“I know, I know. Now if everyone calmly collects themselves and follow me I have a plan.”
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“Okay Ross let’s hear your plan” Tony says as Ross leads them all into a different room.
“Hold on, okay here’s what we’ll do. We’ll break her out!”
“…Really? You made us move all the way into the basement just to say that? And by the way we have already thought about it but Y/n’s being kept on the second to last level so breaking her out won’t be easy” Tony rolls his eyes at the man.
“Oh…”
“Yep” Tony says popping the P.
The room goes quiet, all of them trying to find a way to get Y/n out of the Raft when Thor spoke up.
“Loki.”
“Huh?”
“We use Loki, he’s quite fond of Lady Y/n so we get him to shape shift as a guard, he gets Y/n, turn her invisible and she’s out!”
“Thor, you’re a genius my friend!” Tony says kissing the man on the cheeks.
“Don’t ever do that again.” Making everyone laugh at Thor’s reaction.
“Only problem is where is your brother?” Fury asks.
“Don’t worry I’ll get him here, as soon as he knows she’s alive he’ll come”
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At first Loki tried being a pain in everyone’s backside and like Thor suspected as soon as he heard that Y/n was alive he came straight away.
“And you’re only just telling me this now brother?”
“We had more important things to worry about Loki”
“She was my friend, you should have told me” It’s true, they were friends. She didn’t like what he did when they first met but overtime he proved to be just like her, a puppet in someone else’s game. They bonded when he was locked up, she always went to visit him. Steve and Fury lost count of how many times they told her to stay away. When he found out she died he didn’t speak to anyone for months, he would create these illusions of the pair talking away until their hearts were content then when he snapped out of it, he would cry till he passed out. Waking up he’ll do it all over again.
“I know, I’m sorry I should of told you”
“All is forgiven dear brother, now what’s the plan to get my sweet pumpkin out of hell?”
Going over the plan, Loki being completely on board with it, they left the tower.
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“Phase one is completed” Loki spoke through the comms.
“Phase two is completed” He spoke again.
“Phase three is compl-“
“You don’t have to say that every phase is completed, just let us know when you’ve got Y/n and when you’re on your way out”. Steve cut him off.
“Someone’s moody” A slight pause “Phase four is completed” Loki rushed out laughing.
Despite their initial annoyance to him being…well Loki, they started to worry when they couldn’t hear anything after a while.
“Loki? Everything going okay?” Thor asked.
“Bloody hell don’t do that again! I nearly fell down the stairs!” They all couldn’t help but laugh at the image of him falling.
“Sorry, just wanted to check in”
“I’m nearly there, oh and by the way phase 47 is completed”
“Phase 47?”
“Yes, there’s a lot of doors and people for me to get through”
“Try and hurry up”
“Don’t rush me Winter”
“Don’t cal-“ Bucky tries to speak but ended up being cut off by Steve.
“Don’t argue, but Loki hurry up”
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Y/n had only been back in her cell for less than an hour before the locks clicked, “No more” she whispered into the darkness.
“Oh Lord. Sweet girl what have they done to you?” With a blurry vision all she could see the outline of a guard slowly approaching towards her, she tried so desperately to scoot backwards away from him but not quite quick enough due to her being so tired and the pain she was experiencing.
“No more” She whispered again.
“No,no,no sweet pumpkin it’s me look” Shifting back into himself “It’s me, your friend Loki”
“L-L-Loki?”
“Yes it’s me, don’t worry everything will be okay I promise”
“Ho-how are you here?” His heart smashed in his chest at how broken she sounded, in the years he was truly blessed to have known her she always sounded strong, confident - even in his illusions she was never…broken.
“I’m here to get you out my sweet pumpkin, okay? Me and you are going to run off into the sunset and eat as many donuts as we can just like we planned, let’s get you home”
“C-collar nee-needs to come off”
Getting the metal contraption off was easy for him, “Brother… we will need to get her medical attention”
“How bad is it?”
“I-I wouldn’t of recognised her if it wasn’t for her bird tattoo”
Loki hears the team mutter incoherently in the background but he continues “I’m bringing her out now, be with you shortly”
Lifting her up slowly so he doesn’t catch any of the open wounds littering her small frame, he tries to take a step back with his hands in hers, she stumbles. “I’ll need to pick you up sweet pumpkin, oh and turn you invisible - you’re okay with that? Of course you are” he rambled nervously.
He must of looked like a looney as he walks through the corridors of the ultra-maximum security prison with his arms out in front of him and ever so often he would look down and smile softly to what people could see was nothing.
“Almost there sweet pumpkin” He whispered, smiling at her as she responded with a weak nod.
How he managed to pull it off without being detected was lost on the team, but seeing him walk out of the prison then shifting back to himself and making Y/n visible again, they couldn’t stop smiling, that was until the pair got close enough for them to see the damages done to their friend.
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*2 weeks later*
The swelling to Y/n’s face had gone down, her wounds were healing nicely, thanks to the serum and Helen - who burst into tears at seeing her alive, Y/n always made sure that Helen always had a fresh cup of coffee at the beginning off her shift and always brought her, her favourite muffin, she would always come in to the medical bay just to sit and talk or just watch as Helen worked. They had a great friendship, and when Y/n ‘died’ Helen saw her ghost everywhere.
And Bucky, well he point blanked refused to leave her side.
They agreed to let Fury question her, Tony wanted to but he couldn’t stop crying every time he laid his eyes on her.
“Birdie, can you tell me who did this to you?”
“Members of SHIELD, random people”
They collectively gasped at her words. “What, what do you mean?”
“The warden was charging people to have their way with me”
“Birdie, did anyone r-ra-“ Fury hated having to try and ask her that, he couldn’t even get the word out.
“No. They just beat me”
“You said agents of SHIELD took part?”
“Members. Agents and bosses they paid 300 bucks to get their revenge for what I did”
They couldn’t believe what they were hearing, they believed every word coming out of her mouth - whenever she lied her nose twitched and the longer she had to lie for she would end up in a sneezing fit. A reason why she was never told about any birthday party surprises.
“There’s something else, the reason I’m being branded as a traitor is because… the President is a high level member of Hydra”
“Y/n that’s some serious accusation…”
“It’s the truth Fury, he came to the base I was kept and had a member of his staff be injected with my blood, he died. And then he came to see me in the Raft, I’m telling the truth”
“Jesus Christ, what are we going to do?” Bruce muttered from the back of the room, too scared to get close enough to his friend.
“Expose him and Birdie I believe you, I do but first we need more information about anything you can remember”
“I never killed anyone else other than the agents, even though they brainwashed and ordered me to do it I never did! I was able to get away with it until I was ordered to kill the Presidents mistress, I couldn’t do it Fury she was pregnant. I faked her death like all the others, I got her away and went back but-but a few days later I was being dragged into the play room and I was tortured, they showed me photos of her, they had killed her. Th-the baby didn’t even stand a chance.” 
Before Fury could say anything Bucky spoke up “That’s enough for today”
Fury agrees, each member including Loki leaves her and Bucky, kissing her head as they leave.
“I-I’m sorry Bucky”
“What for doll?”
“For not being able to carr-“
“Hey stop that okay! And you shouldn’t ever apologise, not with me anyway” He places a lingers kiss to her temple “How about you get some more rest? King T’Challa will be here soon my love”
Exiting her room, leaving the light dimmed Bucky made his way to the living room where everyone was waiting.
“This is bad. So fucking bad! We can’t just walk up to the President and ask him if he’s a member of Hydra.” Bruce says as he pulls on his hair.
“She’s not lying though”
“I know James bu-“
“Bruce does have a point…” Nat agrees.
“We’ll think of something, we always do. When did T’Challa say he’ll be here?” Tony asks Bucky.
“Soon, he’s bringing Nakia and Shuri” Bucky sits down next to Wanda “I’ve also never heard a royal swear before so that’s new”
“He swore?”
“Oh yeah. When I told him Y/n was alive and gave him the run down of things and well let’s just put it this way, he’d give Y/n a run for her money” In what feels like forever they all laugh.
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The next morning Y/n wakes up with her hand tightly grasped in Bucky’s, his head resting on her thigh, the sun peaking through the curtain casting a orangey hue that danced along his hair, for the first time in over six years she smiles. Smiles at how peaceful he looks as he’s far away in dreamland, it always amazed her how so much younger he looks when he’s asleep. The memories of either one of them creeping into the others bed after a bad dream, or falling asleep on the couch together after another movie marathon, come back full force.
“Are you watching me sleep?” His eyes were still shut, and his voice laced with sleep.
“Yes”
“Pervert” He chuckles.
“Morning sleepy dino nugget” She says as she runs her fingers softly through his hair, lightly laughing at him when he practically purrs when she scratches his head.
“I’ve missed this, missed you” Bright piercing blue eyes flutter open, already gazing at her.
“Me too” Y/n confesses “I meant what I said that day, you know when I tried to kill you, you’re the one that makes me stronger Buck”
“Doll you didn’t try and kill me, not to sound corny but I died the same day you did. I lost you and by losing you, I lost myself.”
“I didn’t want that to happen Buckaroo, you should of continued to live a full, happy life”
“How could I Y/n/n you was gone, dead from either the bullet or the rubble…”
“Cmon now Buck you know the way I want to die”
“Eating way too many donuts that my heart packs in, and if that’s not how I die - I don’t want it” They speak in unison, both smile at each other before bursting out laughing.
“You’ve finally come back to me” Bucky breaths softly as his heart thumps loudly in his chest.
“I’ll always come back to you Buck, always”
He knows he shouldn’t, not yet, not like this but he can’t help himself. He leans in, his eyes darting from hers and down to her lips, he notices her doing the same…
Just as their lips are about to touch, Shuri bursts through the door.
“Y/n… it’s really you! T’Challa it’s really her!” The young princess screams in pure joy.
“Princ-“
“I have told you before, don’t call me that. You are my friend. Oh it’s so great to see you again” Shuri rambles as she climbs into the bed next to Y/n. “Look I still have my necklace that you made me, I have never once took it off, always next to my heart” Pulling out the purple, blue and yellow lace that showed many different coloured beads coming in all shapes and sizes. 
Y/n remembered that day she made it for the Princess, Shuri had just completed what was deemed the undoable task of removing Bucky’s programming and since she didn’t want anything in return Y/n went to one of the market stalls and brought beads and a charm. One of the children there had showed her how to braid the three different coloured laces together. The charm was a circle and had a word perfectly designed in the middle of it. When she asked the woman who ran the stall what the word was, she new she had to get it. Friend.
When Y/n gave Shuri the box she was a nervous wreck, it’s not everyday she was able to give a princess a handmade gift, and it wasn’t everyday she was able to make a princess cry.
Shuri opened the box and burst out crying.
Their friendship blossomed even more from that day onwards.
“R-really?” She asked.
“Of course! You are my friend, my first ever friend that didn’t use me for their own gain so of course I still wear it!”
“I still beat you sister” A voice that brought a smile to Y/n lips.
“You’re never going to let me live that down are you?”
“No, no I won’t. It is so good to see you, my dear friend”
“I’ve missed you, King T’Challa”
“No need for formalities Y/n.” Rolling his eyes at her.
“Wait why does he beat Shuri?” Bucky had to ask as he was so confused.
“Did she not tell you?” When T’Challa receives a head shake he laughs “You see, Y/n and I were training together and because I was winning she turned to cheating. She bit me, look I still have a scar nine years on” Showing Bucky the scar of teeth marks on his arm.
“In my defence that could of been anyone’s doing and he just blamed me because he was the one that was cheating, he pointed off to the side and said ‘donuts’ so I looked and next thing I know is I’m on the ground…” The whole house filled with laughter, the team laughing at her antics and the knowledge that she bit a King and live to tell the tale was quite amusing to them.
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After many more hours of taking a trip down memory lane it was time for Y/n to leave.
T’Challa had told Bucky that she always had a home in Wakanda and they all agreed it was the best place for her, for the time being.
With heavy hearts and tears in their eyes they all hugged her, holding tighter than ever before they said their goodbyes.
“Don’t bother saying bye to me doll, I’m coming with you”
“What? Really? Buck are you sure?”
“I have never been more sure in my life, let’s go home sweetheart”
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Tags: @sapphirebarnes @learisa @bethexo07 @doublebassallie @cyberficlya @vicmc624 @elijahssuit @unaxv @wasffginc @ladyvenera @casa-boiardi @cjand10 @iloveceandsswithallmyheart @violetwinterwidow01
~ banner credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~
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goosewriting · 5 months
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Across the Galaxy and Beyond
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summary: some time after the Mantis crew split apart, Cal has an unexpected reunion with reader on Koboh
relationship: Cal Kestis x gn!reader
warnings: spoilers for Jedi Survivor, vague-ish mention of events from the Battle Scars book but i don't think it counts as a spoiler, hurt & comfort, flashbacks, kissing
word count: 8.9k 👀💧 ...i am unwell about this man what can i say
A/N: started writing this when i first started jedi survivor, and finally got around to finishing it now that i finished reading battle scars and the cal kestis brainworms are attacking me again. story doesn't follow the game exactly. also this could be read as a separate story from my wherever you go, i go trilogy, but i like to think it's the same reader and timeline lol so go read that if you haven't c:
Navigation: Part 1 (you’re here!) | Part 2 (wip)
(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)
— — — Part 1: Just like old times
After Cal's escape from Coruscant, the Mantis was pretty shredded. The main problem was the gyro, but upon entering Koboh's atmosphere, all systems started failing and the Jedi had to make an emergency landing somewhere on some cliffs. 
It took a lot of climbing and wall-jumping and fighting the aggressive local fauna, but after a couple of hours, Cal and BD finally made it to the outpost where Greez' cantina was located. On the way there he also encountered bandits who called themselves the Bedlam Raiders, as well as old Separatists battleships and battle droids, of all things. Just what has Greez got himself into?, Cal thinks to himself after saving a local from Rayvis, the leader of the Raiders, and outing himself as a Jedi in the process.
When Cal and BD finally enter Pyloon's Saloon, they meet with Greez. Since the Raiders have just been at the saloon (and the place doesn't look all too inviting either), there are no customers, so Cal and Greez catch up at the bar. The Latero is extremely happy to see the boy and his droid in one piece after all this time. Over a drink, the redhead tells him about the last job on Coruscant gone wrong, how only two of them made it out. He expresses his frustration, how the Empire is only growing stronger and everything he does feels pointless. Things haven't been easy since the Mantis crew split up. 
After catching up a little, Greez tells Cal that he has some spare parts and will take care of the ship. He'll send someone to bring the ship to the landing dock behind the saloon. In the meantime, he should take a breather and explore the outpost. Cal doesn't like feeling like he's wasting time, but with the state the Mantis is in, there really isn't much else he can do. 
The Latero shows him the room in the basement, telling Cal he can stay as long as he needs. Greez wasn't kidding when he said he had a room just for Cal: there was a meditation area in the middle of the round room, and even his old clothes and some unfinished tech projects were all stashed away in a big chest. 
They both sit down on the edge of the bed, and it doesn't take long for the conversation to take a direction Cal doesn't like. Not because what Greez is saying is wrong; on the contrary, he's probably right, but the redhead doesn't want to hear it. Not right now. Greez, in a genuinely concerned tone, goes on about how the game is rigged and Cal should walk away while he can, maybe even settle down somewhere. Cal lashes out for a moment, claiming someone has to keep fighting.
— — —
You approach the stable in the outpost riding on your nekko, humming a happy tune to yourself. You're lost in thought, letting your trusty mount walk the last stretch to the stalls by himself, as he knew the way. Once you reach the structure, you get off and start putting away your haul; you just came from a successful hunt. You'd skin and prepare everything later though, so you pack the preys away in special boxes where everything would be preserved for a couple of days. 
“Hello master,” a robotic yet chirpy voice greets you. 
You turn around with a smile, facing the Separatist battle droid you had found and reprogrammed to help you out at the stable.
“Hey there, Connor,” you greet back. You've told him several times not to call you that, but he insisted, saying you saved him and now his purpose was to serve you. You take a moment to inspect his blue and black markings that have started chipping more noticeably; maybe it's time for a new paint job.
“Did I miss anything while I was gone?” you ask, taking the saddle off your nekko and placing it onto the designated wooden beam. 
“Yes, in fact,” Connor replies, placing new food and clean water in the trough. “There's a ship on the landing pad behind the saloon that I've never seen before.”
“Is that so? What kinda ship?” 
“A modified S-161 Stinger, and it's pretty busted up. I'm surprised it even made it this far.”
You stop in your tracks, your grip tightening around the halter you just took off the nekko, which is now happily munching away on its fresh feed.
“Interesting,” you remark, putting the rest of the equipment away and turning around to face the droid. Since you spent most of the day down in some caves, you didn't see or hear anything. “Do you know who was on board?”
“I didn't see who came off the ship, but I overheard some prospectors talk about a newcomer that went one on one with Rayvis,” Connor comments, then leans in closer to you, looking around as if to make sure no one would be listening in on your conversations, when it's clearly just the two of you at the stable. “I also heard Turgle mentioning a Jedi being seen around here.”
“Huh,” is all you manage to say, feeling your heart pounding in your chest. There was no way he was here, right? After all this time? As far as you know, he doesn't even know you're here. So if it is him, he isn't here to see you, but Greez instead. It's probably because of the Mantis; Cal is in need of repairs. This thought immediately replaces the initial anticipation with a strange, cold feeling. 
“Can you believe it?” Connor goes on. “I've never even seen a Jedi. I would love to meet them.”
You take a long look at the droid, remembering the state you had found him in. He had never been in the war, actually. He spent several years in an abandoned Separatist camp, never even getting to be activated. So he only knew his programming: serve the Separatists, fight the clones and kill the Jedi. Yet he had never lived any of it. Reprogramming him had been easy in that regard, as his memory banks were mostly blank. Back then you were looking for a droid companion to help you out at the stables, and even though you know what battle droids mean to the Jedi, you can't help but think that they are kinda cute. The B1 models, at least. The B2 series and commandos are pretty scary. 
So you gave your new friend a name (you couldn't decide between Hank and Connor, but decided to go with the latter as it somehow suited his demeanour better) and a new purpose in life, and he seems content with that. The only fighting program you left in him is for defending the stable and nekkos. First and foremost it is his mission that they are not harmed. You also ordered him not to leave the outpost, for his own safety. You don't want the raiders to find him and get access to his memory bank. They would use the information against all of you at the outpost, and either scrap him or reprogram him to join the raiders. Once they were dealt with, however, you promised Connor you would take him around Koboh first, then show him the galaxy. 
“I'm going to the saloon,” you announce. “Can you take care of the rest?” 
“Roger roger!” Connor replies with a salute, getting to work. 
You find yourself smoothing out your clothes and hair as you make the short trip to the saloon. When you reach the bar you're met with Monk, the witty bartender droid. He greets you with a happy tone and some strange phrase that you don't entirely understand, as he always does. You ask for Greez, and he points towards the door to the side, saying he's in the basement with some old friend of his that just dropped by.
With a gulp and a forced smile, you thank him and head down the stairs. The urge to turn on your heel and run away grows with every step. As you're about to reach the door, you hear voices coming from the other side.
“-to be something more than a lightsaber.” That's Greez, you think. He sounds… sad? “Think of yourself. Settle down, find a home.”
“What home, Greez?” You swear your heart actually stops beating and accelerates at the same time when you hear the voice, his voice. “There is no home. Home was the Order. It was my teacher.”
You've stopped a couple steps away from the door so it wouldn't open and have you interrupt the conversation, but you involuntarily lean forward to hear better what Cal says next.
“It was everyone I lost… Home was the Mantis with you, Cere, Merrin, and–”
The automatic door whooshes open and Cal and Greez turn their heads towards you as they stand up from the bed they were sitting on. 
“I- I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sheepishly state after a moment of uncomfortable silence from everyone, approaching him but staying at a distance. “Hey, Cal. It's been a while.”
“Yeah, it has,” he retorts, and you can't really read the tone of his voice. 
You look each other up and down, taking in how different you both look since… Since the last time you saw each other. Since you split up. 
A thousand thoughts go through your head, and a thousand different feelings resurface, making your heart tighten in your chest, like there isn't enough space for everything it's trying to process.
Greez can't take the tension anymore, so he clears his throat loudly.
“Lemme show you something, Cal,” the Latero says as he walks towards a panel on the far side of the room. He presses a couple of buttons and a section of the wall slides open with a creak, revealing a path behind it. “This is an old smuggler's tunnel, you'll find spare parts in there. Just… be careful, I have a pest problem.”
With that, Greez walks by both of you, giving your arm an encouraging pat, before leaving the room. It's just you and Cal now.
“Spare parts?” you ask, trying to make some conversation. “For the Mantis, I take it?”
“Yeah,” Cal replies, looking at the tunnel entrance but not moving from where he stands. “Gyro's fried.”
You two stand there in silence, and you want to smack yourself in the face. You feel like an awkward 12-year-old all over again, not knowing how to talk to your cr– You stop your train of thought before you dare finish that sentence and potentially embarrass yourself further. The heat on your cheeks that refuses to leave your face since you've laid eyes on the Jedi can't possibly have gone unnoticed by him.
“You know, Greez has had this room set up for you for quite a while,” you tell Cal, shooting him a quick smile. “So I take it you'll be staying for a while, right? The Mantis isn't going anywhere.”
Cal shrugs and shoots you a quick, unsure glance, then casts his eyes back down, scratching the back of his neck. 
“I was just about to head out,” you lie. Your plan for the evening was to have a drink at the bar and unwind, but him being here changes everything. “You could join me and I'll show you around if you'd like…”
Cal looks at the tunnel again, weighing the options in his mind. One is going down there to fix the Mantis as soon as possible, then taking off to who knows where. The other… you're not so sure. And if you're being honest with yourself, you're too scared to ask.
“Sure, why not,” he finally agrees with a sigh and starts walking towards the door that directly leads outside from the basement, but you feel like something, or rather someone, is missing. You look around the room, scanning your surroundings for a certain droid, then turn back to Cal.
“W-Where's BD?” you ask, fearing the worst. You'd really hate it if something happened to him.
“Oh, he wandered off somewhere earlier,” Cal says and you release a breath of relief. After calling for him, the little droid comes hopping down the stairs and into the room.
“BD!” you greet the little companion, and he excitedly beeps at your reunion. He comes running towards you and you pick him up in a hug.
“Oh, how I've missed you,” you spin him around a couple of times, then set him back down onto the floor. “I have a droid of my own now, but you're still the cutest. Don't tell him, though,” you add with a wink. 
“You have a droid?” Cal asks as BD climbs onto his back and you all make your way out.
“Yeah, he helps me out at the stable,” you explain, pointing at the building as you reach the end of the stairs. The stable is practically behind the saloon. From these stairs it's a very short trek to reach the paddocks.
“Those are nekkos, right?” Cal questions, approaching the fence and looking at the two animals chilling in the sun. “I met Mosey earlier. She said she worked at the stable,” he turns around to look at you. “But she didn't mention you.”
You're about to retort by saying she couldn't have possibly known that you two knew each other, but you're interrupted by a chirpy voice.
“Master! You're back already?” 
At the sound of the familiar robotic voice, Cal instinctively draws his lightsaber, and turns towards the side entrance to the stable. You hurry to get between your droid and the Jedi; you don't want to see Connor get sliced today. Not by him. Said droid peeks out from behind the archway, and BD beeps repeatedly, alarmed. 
“Wait!” you exclaim, holding your hands up into the air defensively. “That's my droid!” 
“Your- Your droid?” Cal repeats, clearly confused. He puts away his weapon nonetheless.
“He's reprogrammed, and he's never even been in the war,” you explain, walking backwards as Cal starts approaching the stable to inspect the battle droid further, with you still between them. “He was never even activated. He's good, I promise!” 
“Master, who's this?” Connor asks, walking back into the stable to make room for Cal and you. “Is he bothering you?” The droid activates the blaster you had built into one of his arms, and Cal's hand goes to the hilt of his sabre again, while BD beeps in exasperation. 
“No, stand down!” you order, and the blaster immediately turns off with a whirr. “Will everyone please calm down?”
Still standing between Cal and the battle droid, you let out a huff, looking from one to the other. 
“Cal, BD; this is Connor, my droid,” you start introducing them. “My good and reprogrammed droid, whose mission is to protect the stable and the nekkos, nothing more.”
Cal seems unimpressed, still looking at Connor with narrowed eyes. You turn to the droid.
“Connor; these are Cal and BD,” you start. “And you know what? Cal here–” You look at Connor with raised brows and lower your voice. “–is a Jedi.”
Connor brings his hands up to where his mouth would be, gasping in surprise. 
“You- You are?” he asks, quickly going around you to take Cal's hand and shaking it vigorously. “It's such an honour! I've always wanted to meet a Jedi!”
“So you could get up all close and stab me in the back?” Cal retorts, his voice laced with uncharacteristic venom, and pulls his hand from the droid's grasp.
“What? No, I–” Connor starts but you push him to the side a bit.
“It's okay, Connor. He'll warm up to you, eventually,” you comfort him. “Please go get the nekkos ready for us?” 
You've never heard a sadder 'roger roger' in your life and it sends a sting of pain through your chest. 
While the droid goes to prepare your mounts, you turn around to Cal and frown at him. He crosses his arms in front of his chest defensively. 
“Why would you say something like that? He's genuinely excited to meet you,” you explain. “When was the last time someone was actually happy to see a Jedi, hm?”
“Not a battle droid, that's for sure,” Cal retorts with a huff. 
You look up at him for a moment, holding his rather cold gaze. You wonder just what happened these past few years that had him like this. Sure, you understand why he isn't a fan of battle droids. Normally you aren't either. But there's just something about Cal that's… different. He looks older, but it might just be the beard. He also looks more tired, carries himself differently. With confidence like he always did, but also in a “don't mess with me” way that wasn't there before. Gone is the spark in his eyes, that glimmer of optimism and hope, replaced by the promise of not holding back if anyone were to cross him. 
For several moments, you just look at each other, and you're sure he's analysing you just as you are him, and you wonder what is going through his head. 
“The nekkos are ready,” Connor announces, leading both of them out of their respective stalls by the reins. 
You allow the animals to sniff Cal and inspect him, while you give a short explanation on how to ride and guide them. Cal's mount is white with a dark face and legs, while yours is a dark purple and brown. After thanking Connor and waving him goodbye, you both hop onto the saddle and head out of the outpost. You know your way around, taking a route that would keep you hidden from the patrols, both the imperial ones as well as the raiders. You'd much rather deal with the local fauna. And you do come across a couple of rawkas at the river, and a pack of gorgers when heading further up the Southern Reach. But you two make quick work of them.
In fact, Cal has grown stronger, and not only that, but he also has a new array of weapons it seems; now he double-wields his lightsabers, and he also has a blaster, which completely takes you by surprise. 
Once you reach the base of the big silo, you get off your nekkos and climb the rest by foot, getting on top of the structure and sitting at the edge. It's not a super well-hidden spot; if the patrols under you decide to look up they would definitely see you, but it's a good vantage point to show Cal the different places. You point towards the landmarks, explaining them to him so he can orient himself and navigate beyond the outpost. You tell him about the caverns, the mines, to look out for different patrols and what areas to avoid; be it because of the raiders, like fort Kha'lin, or because of bigger fauna like bilemaws, goroccos and mogus. Especially mogus. They are fierce.
Once you're done with your explanation, you lean back onto your hands with a sigh. Cal attentively listened to everything, but he doesn't seem interested in keeping the conversation going, as he hasn't said anything.
He's looking out, scanning this corner of Koboh as far as he could see from here, taking in the view and probably trying to commit to memory everything you've said. You look at him from the corner of your eyes, your gaze falling onto the holster on his hip.
“So,” you try starting the conversation again. “You now double-wield and you have a blaster. Which, by the way, is pretty uncharacteristic for a Jedi, no?”
“A lot has changed, I guess,” is all you get out of him.
“Do you have any other new tricks?” you ask, and the memory of him re-discovering his Master's lessons after his escape from Bracca comes back to you, making you smile fondly to yourself for a moment. 
“Hmm,” Cal thinks aloud, also leaning back and finally tearing his eyes from the landscape to look at you. “There aren't any new Force-tricks, if that's what you mean. But I do have this.”
He brings one of his arms up, showing you the contraption on his brace.
“Grappling hook. Comes in pretty handy,” he explains, showing you some of the mechanisms. Your hands reach up to gently hold his wrist, so you can inspect the device better, and you could have sworn you heard his breath hitch at the contact. At that moment, you realise that's the first physical interaction you've had since he arrived, and you quickly let go. 
“We should head back,” you say as you stand up, dusting off your legs. “It will get dark soon, plus you must be hungry. I know I am.”
“Yeah, I could eat,” Cal replies, getting up to his feet as well, and BD beeps in agreement.
Cal climbs down the silo first, while you scan the area one last time for any patrols. When it's your turn, just as you're almost at the base of the rather unstable ladder, your foot slips and you lose your balance. You hold onto the next best thing, which happens to be Cal. Seeing you're about to fall, his arm reaches around you and he pulls you towards him while with the other hand he tightly holds onto the railing that goes along the walls of the structure. 
“You okay?” he asks, and when you look up at him this time, you're finally met with a pair of eyes that you recognise. There's concern in his gaze but also a certain warmth, amused at how you were a fierce warrior yet managed to be clumsy in small things like these. He found it cute, which you knew for a fact because he would tell you often, back then…
“Y-Yeah, thanks,” you mutter, separating yourself from him now that you're back safe on the ground. Feeling the heat spreading on your face, you can't help a sheepish smile. “Guess some things never change, heh.”
“Guess not,” Cal says with a small smile of his own, and your chest tightens at the sight. 
The ride back to the Outpost is silent, and you wonder if his body is also reacting as strongly as yours; ever since slipping, your skin feels like it's tingling, and your heart hasn't calmed down in the slightest. 
Once you're back at the stable and the nekkos have been taken care of, Connor mentions that Greez left some food for you, and hands you several small containers wrapped with a cloth. 
“You wanna eat at my place?” you find yourself asking Cal, who's scratching behind the nekko's ear. He turns around to you with raised eyebrows in what you assume to be a surprised expression, but he's quick to relax his face back to normal. 
“I have a room behind Doma's shop,” you explain, holding up the food in your hands and you gesture to it with your chin. “And Greez knows this is far too much food for myself.”
“Yeah, sounds good,” Cal replies, calling BD back to him, who was scanning some stable equipment. “Let me help you with that.”
Cal takes the food off your hands, and you say your goodbyes to Connor, who stays at the stable. It's a quick trip past the saloon's entrance into Doma's shop. She's behind the counter organising some of her merchandise, and returns your “hello” from afar without looking. Only when she hears Cal's greeting does she turn around. She shoots you a look and you know exactly what she means, heat prickling again at your cheeks. You give a curt shake of your head, quickening the pace to evade Doma's questioning, heading for the door at the back that leads to the place you have been calling home for the last year. 
It isn't much, but it makes do: one big room, that's both kitchen and a living space, with two doors at the far side that lead to a small bedroom and the refresher. The main room is decorated, you like to think it's warm, cosy and inviting. You even managed to thrift an old couch somewhere, refurbished it yourself, and it now essentially serves as the centrepiece of the room. There are several rugs on the floor, as well as piles of pelts and leather in the corner that you still have to finish working on so you could sell them. These days that's your main source of income.
Cal stands at the door for a moment, taking everything in, and you suddenly feel very self-conscious. The space is clean, but the fact that you can't read his face makes you a little nervous. To distract yourself, you take the food from him, bringing it to the kitchen counter.
“I think the food is still warm,” you say as you start opening the containers, the delicious smell filling both your noses. “Do you mind setting the table?”
Cal and you make quick work of getting everything plated and grabbing some drinks, then sitting down in front of each other at the wooden table to eat. You make some light conversation between bites, catching each other up on what has been going on in your lives recently. He tells you about some of the missions he's been on ever since the Mantis crew split up, and you tell him of your own solo adventures before you came to Koboh. 
When the plates are empty, your bellies full, and the conversation is about to die down, you ask if you can check out Cal's lightsabre. He unclips it from his belt to hand it to you, and you catch yourself being relieved at the fact he still trusts you enough to just give his sacred weapon to you without further inquiry. 
He's changed some parts and the materials, and you hold the device in your hands with the utmost care, admiring the beautiful design and intricate markings on the wooden accents. Rather suddenly, a feeling of regret and shame spreads out in your chest, thinking about how not only this sabre but also Cal himself went through so many changes, and you hadn't been there for any of it. There's so much you want to tell him, about how sad you are that you weren't there for him, about how sorry you are with the way you left, about how you've been thinking of and missing him every single day. But telling him that wouldn't be fair. You have no right to be selfish like that.
“So what exactly happened that got the Mantis in such a state?” you decide to ask instead, reaching the lightsabre over the table to give it back. Cal takes it with a deep sigh, putting it back to his belt, feeling immediately comforted by its familiar weight. 
“A job on Coruscant that went… wrong,” he starts, telling you how his team was gathering intel for Saw Guerrera, and it had all worked out until the very last moment, where everything went wrong, and he lost his whole crew in an instant. Only him and another person made it out of there. In fact, one of his crew members saved his life by pushing him out of the way and taking the blaster shot herself instead. 
You listen intently, and your heart grows heavier by the second; you can hear the frustration in his voice, the voice of a man who's this close to giving up entirely, because he's just so tired, but he can't. He won't. You know Cal took it upon himself to fight the Empire by himself if he has to. A trait you genuinely admire but also despise. After all, that was one of the reasons you left.
Then he mentions the Ninth Sister, and your attention is fully back to what he's saying. 
“I tried to get through to her, I really did,” Cal says, his voice cracking for a second. “But she wouldn't let up. I had no choice.”
“Did you…?” you ask carefully.
“I killed her,” he says matter-of-factly, but you can tell it's been eating away at him.
“I'm so sorry, Cal,” you offer, reaching across the table and placing your hand on his. “That couldn't have been easy. I'm sorry you had to go through that.”
He doesn't meet your eyes, his gaze fixed on his half empty cup instead, watching the drops of condensation slowly fall along the outside of the glass onto the table, staining the wood. But he doesn't pull away either, so you give his hand a reassuring squeeze.
“You look exhausted,” you finally tell him, and he lets out a breath through his nose, as if saying 'you have no idea'. You offer for him to take a shower here instead of at the saloon before heading back, telling him yours is nicer, to which he chuckles lightly, and he accepts. 
He insists you take a shower first while he takes care of the dishes, so you do just that. Once you're out, it's his turn. You hand him a towel and a change of clean clothes, and you can tell he wonders why you have them in his size, until he realises that they're actually his. It's an old shirt and lounge pants that you would always steal from him and had apparently taken with you. He doesn't comment on it though, instead he simply stares at the clothes in his hand for maybe a second too long, deep in thought. Then he blinks a couple of times, as if he just came back from zoning out, gives you a short 'thanks' and gets into the shower. 
While he cleans up, you take a seat on the couch, pulling up the novel you're currently reading on your holopad. Only now that you're sitting with your legs stretched out along the length of the cushions do you realise how tired you are, both physically and emotionally. Out of everything you could have thought would happen today, meeting Cal was certainly not on the list. Still, you can't deny that you're happy to see him. For starters, he's still alive. And you've missed him, much more than you care to admit to yourself. 
After reading the same sentence of your book over and over, failing to focus, you sigh and look at BD instead, who hops onto the coffee table and tilts his head at you with an inquiring beep. 
“Has he been taking care of himself?” you ask the droid, pointing over your shoulder in the direction of the refresher, where you can hear the water running.
BD lets out a sequence of beeps and boops, and you narrow your eyes at him for a moment. 'He keeps himself busy' he said. Is he dodging your question?
“Is that so,” you reply with a hum, and BD shoots the question right back at you. You're a bit surprised at his concern, and for a moment you consider opening up to the little droid, but you hear the water turn off, so you bring your attention back to your book again instead, trying your darndest to focus on what's happening in the story. The washroom door opens with a whoosh.
“Where should I put the towel?” Cal asks, still standing at the door frame. 
“Just put it in the hamper underneath the sink,” you reply over your shoulder, and in the corner of your eye you can see BD still looking at you, waiting for an answer. Then he tilts his head with an amused boop; he's got you all figured out. 
“Oh shush you,” you start scolding the little droid, but Cal appears, walking around the couch to sit down. Except that your legs are stretched across it, so you start lifting them off the cushions and intend to bend them at the knee to sit properly, but Cal gently grabs your ankles, lifting them off the couch to sit down, and places them over his lap instead. His hand comes to rest on your shin, and you can feel the warmth he irradiates seep through the fabric of your pants. 
“You looked comfy,” he points out, his hand gently rubbing up and down below your knee, while with his other hand he props up his head against the back of the couch. 
You swallow hard, unable to answer, and bring the datapad up to your face to hide behind it. Why is he being so nice suddenly? Is it because you aren't outside where others could see? Or is it because he realised he still has you wrapped around his finger so he's just teasing you? You're beyond confused at the sudden sign of affection after he's been so distant the whole day, like he hadn't planned on ever seeing you again. And to be quite honest, you deserve the cold treatment. After what you did, the way you left. 
Feeling the sting behind your eyes, knowing what's coming, you shrink further into yourself, holding the holopad even closer to your face to hide it from Cal's view. He can't see your expression from where he's sitting, so he gives a light chuckle, thinking you're just flustered. The sound feels like a dagger in your gut, and you unsuccessfully choke back sob.
Now Cal's face changes completely to one of concern, and he pushes the pad out of the way only to be met with your crying face. 
“Whoa, wait-“ Cal says, and he retrieves his hands, holding them both up in surrender. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I thought we-“
“I'm so sorry, Cal,” you croak, crying freely now, as you let go of the device and it falls onto the floor with a 'clunk'. “I'm so sorry for everything, for what I did. For leaving you alone.” Your hands wipe away at your cheeks in a vain attempt to dry off the tears, but they just keep coming. 
After the crew split up, the Mantis felt unbearably empty. After the failed mission on Hosnian Prime, after saying goodbye to Fret and Irei, who had definitely changed the dynamics of the crew (you still weren't sure if it had been for better or worse), everything felt like it started falling apart. 
The first to leave was Merrin, saying she needed to recentre her fire and find herself again, to be able to draw all the power she now knew she was able to use. 
Then, it was Cere and Greez. The Latero trusted Cal and left his beloved ship in his hands, telling him to look after it until he'd be back. Except everyone knew that he didn't really intend to. The loss of his arm had hit him harder than he wanted to admit, and for Greez it had been the wake-up call needed to “leave the game while you can because it's been rigged since the start”, as he would often say. Cere on the other hand took off with new-found determination. Her and Cal's goals weren't all that different: the endgame was to defeat the Empire, one way or another. However, Cal believed in taking action now, while Cere had her sights set on the future, being able to help those who would come next, long after she and everyone else were gone. She wanted to build a legacy, as the 'Jedi's knowledge was far too valuable to be lost to time and circumstance. 
After everyone was gone, it was just Cal, BD and you. 
The Jedi had become irritable, like he had already convinced himself that you would leave him soon too, as did everyone, apparently. You reassured him to the best of your abilities that you believed in what he stood for and wanted to stay by his side. However, now that you didn't have a whole crew to count on, you had to be more careful than ever.
“We have to be smart about this!” you'd plead, seeing Cal running head-first into danger time and time again. 
When the nightmares became too much, you'd hold him tightly, kissing his tears away as he'd cry out for his master, Tapal.
“You were just a kid!” you had yelled at Cal one time, when what was supposed to be a quick run-down of the plan had become a big argument. “You act as if the whole universe is counting on you and only you to defeat the beast that is the Empire. Do you think that that's your destiny? As dictated by the Force? We've had our share of big, successful missions as a group. Now it's time to back down, Cal. We're just two people, what do you expect we'll achieve here? It's time to move on.”
Needless to say, those words had not calmed Cal down in the slightest. Now he felt just as betrayed by you as he did by the rest. More words were thrown at each other like daggers finally let free after being pushed back for far too long in an attempt to keep some level of normalcy between you two. But there was no going back. So you did what you told him as well: you moved on. That same evening, you packed your things and left. 
Your heart bled and tears kept streaking down your face with every heavy step you took away from the Mantis, but at the time, you didn't know what else to do. You'd never wanted to leave Cal, and you hated yourself for doing this to him and to yourself, but what you had going on was no way to live anymore. Maybe, hopefully, now that you were gone, he would understand that. 
You know it had been a horrible thing to do, especially like that. After years of telling him how you'd follow him to the end of the world. After telling him every day how much you loved him. After promising you'd be there for him. The worst part was that being away from him was far more painful than it was with him. He left a void in your heart that only he could fill. You meant to go looking for him many times, but were too scared. You didn't deserve to have him back. Not after what you did.
But now he's here.
Between cries, you apologise over and over again, saying how what you did wasn't fair, that you wished you had never left and worked it out instead, that you missed him so much it was hard to breathe. 
Cal doesn't answer immediately, and you force your somewhat blurry gaze up to meet his eyes, and you see he's starting to tear up himself. He leans forward, lifting you up and settling you sideways onto his lap, enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug. You hold him just as tightly, crying into his shoulder.
“I'm sorry,” The more you say it, the emptier it feels, but it's all you can manage for now, and you mean it. “I really am.”
“I know,” Cal says, squeezing you a little tighter. “I felt it. When you gave me the clothes earlier.”
You remember the countless nights you've cried yourself to sleep in the very clothes he's now wearing, the times when you missed him so much you felt like your heart would rip its way right out of your chest, muttering your regrets into your pillow, as if it could carry your apology and bring it to Cal somehow. You groan in embarrassment; you always forget that your stuff also carries imprints he can feel.
“I'm so lame,” you mumble and pull back to look at Cal, giving him a weak smile that quickly turns into a grimace again as a new wave of tears come rolling down your cheeks.
“No, you're not,” Cal reassures you, one hand cupping your face and wiping over your cheekbone with his thumb. You lean into his touch with a sniffle.
“I've missed you too,” he finally says, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. “And I'm sorry—” He kisses your cheek. “—for making you feel like you were less important than the missions.” A kiss to the corner of your mouth. “You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I took you for granted.” His lips brush over yours. “Can we try again?”
You close the minimal gap and kiss him hard, like Cal was the air your lungs needed after being underwater for too long. He reciprocates just as intensely, pushing you down onto the couch and climbing on top of you. When he finally breaks the kiss, you're both panting. You run your fingers through his hair as he trails kisses along your jaw, and you giggle at how ticklish his beard feels against your skin; that's a new sensation you'd have to – no scratch that, want to – get used to. Your giggles turn into a low moan as he bites the spot over your collarbone, and when you turn your head to give him better access, you're met with BD still on the coffee table, now sitting comfortably, looking up at you two as if it was the most interesting spectacle in the world. 
A strangled sound of surprise and embarrassment comes from your throat and you push Cal away a bit by his shoulders, to which he raises his head and grumbles in annoyance for interrupting him.
“We have an audience,” you whine, hiding your face behind your hands, and Cal lets out an amused laugh. BD beeps matter-of-factly.
“What do you mean 'don't mind me'?!” You turn to the droid and you swear that if he had a face, he'd be wearing the cockiest of grins right now. 
“Some things really never change, huh,” Cal comments with an amused smile, thinking back to all the times you'd become flustered when you kissed in front of BD, saying it was inappropriate or something. If only you knew that Cal often did it on purpose because he loved seeing your cute, flustered face.
“Unlike this right here,” you point out and bring your hands to his face, stroking over his beard, enjoying the prickly sensation. “This is new.”
“Do you like it?” Cal asks genuinely.
“You know I like your scars,” you say, tracing over the one on his lower lip. “As long as they're not covered up, I think I can get used to it. It does look good on you.”
Cal smiles down at you tenderly and for a few moments, you simply enjoy each other's presence, taking each other in. Making sure that this is real and it's happening, that you're back again. Until you let out a hearty yawn. 
“Let's get to bed before we fall asleep on the couch,” you say, rubbing your face, but stop to look up at Cal, who seems very content with his current position and hasn't moved yet. “You are staying here tonight, right? I mean, if you want to, you don't have to. Greez has the whole room thing for you, so I understand if—“
Cal interrupts your rambling with a quick peck. 
“Yeah, I want to stay,” he assures you and finally stands up, helping you get off the couch. 
“Let's go, BD,” you tell the droid to join you as you take Cal's hand and guide them to the bedroom. 
You climb into bed, BD at your feet as he would always do on the Mantis, and Cal lifts the covers to get in as well but stops for a moment when he sees the holopicture on your night stand. In the small frame he recognises Greez, Cere, Merrin, Cal, BD and you in the cockpit, all grinning at the camera. Smiling to himself, he finally gets into bed, hugging you to him.
“I have the same picture of us on the Mantis,” he says after letting out a content sigh at finding a comfortable position. “Guess we still were connected somehow all this time.”
You hum in response, a bit surprised at the romantic implication, as if you were lovers who found comfort in looking at the same moon even though you were separated. But you like the idea nonetheless, and you agree. 
The warmth both on your skin and spreading in your heart makes quick work of carrying you off to dreamland though, so before you can even give a proper reply, you're fast asleep in Cal's arms.
— — —
The next morning, you wake up to BD's beeping. You groan, turning over to cuddle a little longer, except that the other side of your bed is empty. You blink away the sleepiness in your eyes, and pout at the lack of Jedi in your sheets. Your nose is quick to pick up the scent of freshly brewed caf however, and the grogginess is quickly forgotten as you get out of bed and make your way to the kitchen, where Cal is preparing breakfast. 
After a quick meal and lots of stolen kisses, Cal announces it's time to go check out Greez's smuggler tunnel to find that gyro. 
“Be careful,” is the last thing you tell him before he leaves. 
“Always,” he shoots back at you with a wink and takes off. You playfully roll your eyes at that, thinking back to the countless times on the Mantis you've had to patch him up after a mission inevitably went astray from the original plan.
While Cal is looking for parts for the Mantis, you go back to your own things, checking in on Connor and the nekkos at the stable, as well as preparing some pelts and sewing up your most recent leather project. 
Time goes by fast as you skilfully work the needle and thread through the thick material, finishing the piece after a couple of hours. Setting it aside, you stretch your arms and back with a satisfied grunt. You check to see if your comms are working; they are, but there's no new messages. Strange, you think, Cal sure is taking his time to find that gyro. Is he not back yet? 
Suddenly feeling uneasy by your own thoughts of how he might have got lost in the tunnels, or how he may have encountered trouble down there, you decide to go check with Greez yourself. 
You quickly make your way to the Saloon, going down the stairs that lead to the bar with such speed that when you reach the end and see someone standing there, you bump into them before you can stop yourself. 
“Whoa,” a deep voice exclaims at the impact, and you push yourself away from the man's back you just ran into. He turns around slightly towards you. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry, didn't see you there” you reply, regaining your composure and walking around him to get a better look. 
He's not super tall, but he has a strong and broad build. Although you already felt that when you bumped into him and it was like walking into a wall. You give him a quick up-and-down, trying to gauge if he's friend or foe, but you can't quite read him. He narrows his eyes at you ever so slightly, probably doing the same.
“A new face, how rare,” you start, walking over to the bar and leaning on it with one arm. Your other hand finds its way to your hip, where you realise there is no holster or weapon; you mentally reprimand yourself for leaving your staff at the stable. 
“Care for a drink?” asks Monk from behind you. 
“No, I'm looking for someone,” the man says. 
“Of course you are,” Monk replies with sarcasm. You give the bartender droid a nod; you'll take care of this. As he wheels back into the kitchen, you hear him mutter something about how his bar isn't a lost and found counter. Before the stranger can go on however, the doors at the back of the saloon whoosh open.
“Who's this?” asks Greez as he enters the main room.
“I was just about to ask him,” you reply, your eyes still trained on the man.
“I'm looking for Cal Kestis,” the man in question says instead, and your hand on the bar involuntarily curls into a fist.
“Who? Kal Restis?” Greez asks as he approaches him. “We don't know any Kales. Listen, if you're not gonna order something, get out of my saloon.”
“No, not Kale”, the man says, getting slightly exasperated as he repeats the name slower, and Greez keeps getting it wrong on purpose. 
Just as you're about to intervene and send the man away, the entrance doors open and in comes Cal, a soft smile of self-satisfaction on his face. 
“Cal!” The man greets the Jedi. You hear Greez mutter “Oh, this Cal Kestis” under his breath as they clearly recognise each other.  
“I found the gyro,” Cal announces first, throwing a small mechanical part to Greez, who's taken by surprise but still catches it. Then he turns to the intruder with a smile. “You made it!”
“Good to see you, Cal,” he replies, and the two share a friendly handshake.
“Greez Dritus, this is Bode Akuna,” Call starts introductions, telling this Bode your name as well. You merely give him a short nod in acknowledgment as Cal continues. “He was on Coruscant. Wouldn't have made it out alive without his help.”
Oh, that changes things. 
You leave your spot at the bar and drop your rather cold gaze to join the group. Coming to stand next to Cal, you take his hand, and try your best to give Bode a thankful smile. He returns it, quickly catching on. 
“Wait a minute. Another one?” Greez quips, looking behind Cal. You were so focused on Bode, that you hadn't even noticed the strange looking droid that came in with the redhead. “Cal, you have a very bad habit of picking up strays.”
“I am ZN-A4,” the droid introduces herself with an exaggerated bow. The design and material she’s made of is something you’ve never seen before. “Humble servant of the Jedi Order.”
What.
“Oh, I take it you haven't broken the news yet,” Bode says to Cal, who sheepishly shrugs his shoulders. 
Cal then brings everyone up to speed, telling you how when he was in the tunnels with BD, they stumbled upon this old chamber where the droid was stuck, so they freed her. Turns out she's a droid that belonged to a Jedi from the High Republic, of all things. Her master, Sandari, had sent her to activate the so-called forest array (that strange building the other side of the river that doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the scenery; you've always wondered what it was but never found a way to get in). However, Zee, as everyone started calling the droid, is in really bad shape, and she'll never make it that far. She looks dejected as she says that if she fails her mission, then the key to Tanalorr may be lost forever. 
At the mention of the name, Greez chimes in, telling the group that there's an old prospector legend about Tanalorr being a world filled with treasure. But treasure or not, the important part is that it seems to be a real place, one potentially beyond where the Empire can reach: a safe haven. 
Zee is delighted and very thankful that everyone seems on board with her mission, and the group is quick to formulate a plan: while Monk gets her up to speed regarding the state of, well, everything, and she gets some much-needed repairs, Bode and Greez will take care of the Mantis. Meanwhile, Cal, BD and you will go to the forest array to check it out. 
As you're making your way to the stables, you nudge into Cal's side with your elbow.
“You didn't get hurt down there or anything, right? You sure took your time,” you ask him. It did not go unnoticed by you how in Cal's retelling of events, he skilfully left out how he happened to find that mysterious chamber in the first place. 
“The tunnels were pretty old and unstable, but we're okay,” Cal deflects, shooting the droid a quick look. “Right BD?”
BD beeps in response, and you shoot Cal a glare accompanied by a muted gasp, stopping in your tracks.
“You fell through a hole the equivalent of several stories?!” You can't believe this guy. 
“It's fine!” Cal tries to reassure you, bringing his hands up to your shoulders. “I promise, it's nothing a stim didn't already fix. So there’s no need to worry, okay? We have a job to do.”
You sigh in defeat as he places a soft kiss on your forehead. You first cup his face softly, then pinch both his cheeks.
“Just what am I going to do with you, Cal Kestis?” you ask rhetorically, taking his hand into yours and resuming the short trek to where Connor is already waiting and waving at you both. 
Once you're all geared up and hop into the saddle, you tighten the strap of your staff, adjusting its position on your back.
“Just like old times, huh?” you ask at no one in particular, scanning your surroundings and taking in the scenery; it just never gets old. Cal's nekko trots up next to you.
“Just like old times,” he repeats, with that boyish smile you can't get enough of, and the glint of adventure in his eyes. 
Your nekkos take off, and the freckles on his face seem to shine in the sunlight. They form the ever familiar star map that you'd follow time and time again, finding your way back to him. Because from the first time you looked at him, you knew: you'd follow this man across the galaxy and beyond.
— — —
A/N 2: if you understand the droid name reference you get a cookie 🍪
A/N 3: in the book Battle Scars there’s a part where BD tells Cal, and i quote, “Where you go, I go”, and when i tell you that i screamed omg (the first part of my “wherever you go, i go” fic was actually called ‘where’ but i changed it to ‘wherever’ when i added more chapters because to me it sounded better asdsdf) BD-1 and me sharing one brain cell obsessed with Cal fr😌
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