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haitaniapologist · 2 years

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❝ you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me. do you know how that feels? just see me. please. ❞ with a Mitsuya that thinks you don’t feel anything for him but in reality you love it so much it hurts? 🥺 please?

Congrats on the milestone!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT STRONG ENOUGH.

pairings — mitsuya takashi x female!reader.

warnings — fluff, a tiny bit of angst because it's friends to lovers.

word count — 1.5k

notes — happy birthday mitsuya my beloved!!! also, im sorry for the other requests i've ignored to write this, but soon i'll reach to them i swear dsghasd

tagging — @tooweirdforyou @1900-aria @etheralyonn @rayfuyu @chronic-claire-universe @aqualesha @winterv-black @softbajis @dai-tsukki-desu @aftermxxn @danceafternoon @sureconfused @sanzuhachoo

takashi couldn’t be more grateful to his friends for remembering his birthday, and throwing him a surprise party. if he had the reins of what his birthday would be, he would probably spend it alone, working on a new fashion project and, probably, gathering everyone to celebrate it on the weekend.

he didn’t suspect anything when you appeared in his atelier, all smiles and silly antics, even though he knew you had college classes on that day. you said you had taken the day off to spend the day with your best friend — and takashi really tried to not be bitterwith your words, because he wished he was more than just your best friend. he had been in love with you since middle school, when emma brought you to a toman meeting because your parents were traveling, and she didn’t want to leave you all alone in your house. but he appreciated the gesture, and was even ashamed when you paid for his lunch at a well-known, and quite fancy restaurant. you two were broken young adults, but you dismissed his worries with a beautiful smile on his face.

when you two arrived at his apartment — after an afternoon laced with laugh and subtle touches from his side — and everyone screamed “surprise”, he tried to pretend to be mad at you, but the sheer happiness dripping from your eyes from seeing takashi looking so happy stopped him in his tracks.

that, and chifuyu’s arm on your waist.

he swallowed hard before draken took him to engage in a chat with pah and peh, who wanted to know everything about his new project. but his lavender eyes kept glancing back at you, and how happy you seemed to have chifuyu touching you, and now he wished nobody did anything for his birthday. he wished everyone had forgotten about it, even his mom and his sisters, who were chatting excitedly with hina about her plans to her future wedding — takemichi just proposed, after all.

everyone said he was a crybaby, but he was far braver than takashi.

he was supposed to yank chifuyu’s arms from your waist and take you somewhere else, tell you about his feelings for you and make you his. but he would never interrupt your happiness — and if you found it with chifuyu instead of him, what he was supposed to do? he was your best friend, and he would do anything to see you happy. even though that meant stepping back and ignoring his feelings until they were just the ghost of the flame they were now, watching as how chifuyu was going to do with you everything he dreamed about.

takashi continued his chat with his friends and former gang colleagues, even if his chest seemed to be bleeding from inside-out.

draken gave him a curious look and he tried to brush off his best friend’s thoughts with a smile — and soon hakkai joined their small circle, and for a while, takashi forgot about you. however, when he excused himself from his friends to give his sisters and mom a kiss on their checks and spend a few moments with them, he saw it.

chifuyu had his hand on your cheek, and it seemed he was leaning down to give your lips a kiss.

takashi thought he was strong enough to see you fall in love with someone else and not be bothered about it — your happiness always came first than his — but that was too much for him. he changed his path with quick steps to his room, and nobody seemed to notice it.

but your eyes were on him, the entire night, and you promptly excused yourself to see what happened to him. it was takashi’s birthday, and you hoped nothing happened to make him sad — you deduced that from the frown on his face and the way he rushed down the hall to his room.

you knocked twice before turning the doorknob, heart beating fast. you would use that opportunity to give mitsuya his birthday gift, and you hoped he would love it. draken said he would, and you trusted him — after emma’s death, he seemed to be adamant in playing matchmaker with you and his friend and, while you were grateful to his doings, you knew takashi only saw you as his female best friend. and that was fine with you, until you saw a model flirting with him, and you noticed that you weren’t strong enough to witness him falling in love with someone else other than you.

“‘kashi?” you whispered in the darkness of his room, the bedside lamp beside his bed the only source of light inside it. he was sitting on his bed, head low and shoulders trembling — and a gasp left your lips as soon as you noticed he was crying.

nobody was supposed to be crying on their birthday.

you hurriedly sat beside him, hands encircling his shoulders to bring his head to rest on your chest. you wished you could feel his pain for him — nothing hurt more than seeing takashi suffering, and you wanted to fight whoever made him feel this way. but who could’ve done it? he was just chatting with the boys before he went to his room. was he feeling overwhelmed by the party? did something happen before you went to his workplace?

“what happened?” you asked when he calmed down, his hands gripping your waist as if it would be the last time he would feel your skin beneath his fingertips.

he stayed in silence for a few moments, before getting up and freeing himself from your hold. you missed his warmth already.

“you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me.” he started, a bit uncertain, afraid to end something he cherished like nothing else — your friendship.

you tilted your head in confusion, not following his line of thinking well. before it hit you. was he upset because of you and chifuyu? but he was only making sure you didn’t have anything strange on your teeth. “do you know how that feels?” the desperation in his voice wasn’t like anything you ever saw, and to know you were the cause of it made you punch yourself. “just see me. please.”

you saw him. oh, how you saw him — but the words weren’t coming to your mouth, and you watched as his eyes became dull of any emotion from your lack of answer.

takashi knew he shouldn’t have said anything. you didn’t feel the same, of course, and now he ruined the only thing that he couldn’t live without. “forget i said anything.” he smiled down at you, a pained one, and he knew he needed to get out of his room before he broke down in tears again. “i wish you and chifuyu the most happiness the world can offer.”

he felt like a robot walking to his door, and when his hand was already at his doorknob, your voice stopped him. “why do you think i would be happy with ‘fuyu?” your voice was small and you felt like a child trying to ask forgiveness for their parents. “when i am the happiest when i’m with you?”

your words paralysed him and his brain shut down, thinking that it was a dream and that in reality you were disgusted with him from being jealous of your new boyfriend, but your warmth on his back — arms around his torso and head nuzzled between his shoulders blades — brought him back.

“i see all of you, takashi.” you started again, gasping when he turned in your hold, hands cupping your face. you felt embarrassed with how intense his eyes were. “how could i not? you were everything i ever wanted since i was thirteen.”

you two stayed in silence for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s presence and the lightness of not having to hide your true feelings anymore. it was good, having takashi’s warm hands on your cheeks and tracing your lips, like you ever dreamed about — or, on his case, being able to touch you freely and having your arms around him not in a friendly way.

“can i give you your birthday present?” you whispered, and blushed under how captivated by the way your lips moved he seemed to be.

“of course, my love.”

you giggled at the pet name and takashi smiled, a faint red color on his cheeks. he still couldn’t believe that what was happening was real, and not just a product of his imagination — it would be cruel to wake up alone on his bed after basking in your warmth for longer than normal.

your hands traveled from his torso to his shoulders, one cupping his jaw and bringing his lips closer to your face. “happy birthday, takashi.” you whispered against his lips, before pressing yours to his, in a sweet kiss that you only thought it would happen in your dreams.

#mitsuya takashi x reader #mitsuya takashi #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #mitsuya x reader #takashi mitsuya #tokyo revengers fluff

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lesbianmaxevans · 1 year

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Rachel’s 1.5k celebration ◈ favorite non-canon ships for @fivelittlebirdies

#1 - Max Evans & Maria DeLuca, Roswell, New Mexico #2 - Garcia Flynn & Lucy Preston, Timeless #3 - Nikita Mears & Ryan Fletcher, Nikita #4 - Liv Moore & Ravi Chakrabarti, iZombie #5 - Matt Murdock & Claire Temple, Daredevil #6 - Ezekiel Jones & Cassandra Cillian, The Librarians #7 - LaDonna Landry & Soraya Khoury, 4400 #8 - Yalena “Dutch” Yardeen & Johnny Jaqobis, Killjoys #9 - Mark Callan & Lola Carmichael, All Rise #10 - Sally Malik & Josh Levison, Being Human (US)

#multifandom #usersource #1.5k celebration #get to know me #Rachel's edit tag #I'm defining non-canon as ships that the writers never intended to pair up or where their potential was thrown away #like if I included ships that were meant to happen but the show got cancelled before the writing got there this list would be v different #anyway. ty espy

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cleverphil · 6 years

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I’d hate to be that person but I’m kinda maybe close to my next hundred....

#shout out?!#can i maybe get a promo?!#shut up claire #clairehit1.5k #claires 1.5k celebration #1.5k followers

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thefact0rygirl · 3 years

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Hey there! I'm crazy about your moodboard idea and I just love you and your blog so much!! So, um... I was wondering if I could get a moodboard for my fic Moonlight. It's a Crosshair slow burn love story and I realize it's pretty long (hehe) but I'd just love a moodboard for it since I love it so much! And congrats on 1.5k followers, you deserve every single one of them! Love you lots! (I'll send you the link by DM since I can't figure out how to put it here uwu)

Hi Moon! You are too kind, thank you so much ily 💙I was super nervous about this one, and tried focus on their cottage, as well as Clair’s knowledge of herbs. I hope this does Moonlight justice!

Vee’s 15.k Follower Celebration [Closed]

#vee's 1.5k follower celebration #moonstrider9904

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blush-and-books · 3 years

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🥳🎉 Congrats on 1.5k followers!!!🎉🥳

My four word prompt for you is

One: famous au

Two: fluff

Three: meeting

Four: autographs

And anything you come up with will be amazing 💕💕ily

once again i got carried away. but who is surprised??? this was so much fun!!!

Luke Patterson was excited to be at the Grammys for many, many reasons -- but only part of it (a big part) was because Sunset Curve was nominated.

Best Rock Album, Record of the Year, and Best Rock Performance were their three nominations for their third album, Demo Tapes, and specifically their singles Now Or Never (rock performance) and Unsaid Emily (record of the year). It was all that the boys had been working towards, seeing as this was their first time around after a near revolt towards the academy last year for snubbing their sophomore, self-titled album. The four of them were beaming with excitement in their custom suits -- God, custom, as uppity as it was, Luke couldn’t deny he looked hot.

However, besides the fact that the four boys were rocking their suits and were going to be honored to perform Now Or Never on the same stage that their inspirations had done decades before -- Luke couldn’t help the bubbling in his stomach that he might run into Julie Molina on the red carpet.

Yes, the Julie Molina.

After revealing during a round of Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts on the Late-Late Show that Julie was Luke’s raging celebrity crush, and she exposed the same truth about him while playing Plead The Fifth on Watch What Happens Live, Luke had been itching to meet her in person.

Both of them seemed to be on the other sides of the country -- hell, even the world -- at different times, from running the talk show circuit to world touring. He knew they were both from LA, but it never felt like they were home at the same time.

Tonight, she was nominated for Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Pop Vocal Performance, and yes; Record of the Year, too. And this was only for her sophomore album, Wake Up, and her leading single of the same name. The single had debuted at #1 on the charts and knocked Now Or Never to #3 (it was competing with All Eyes On Me, by Dirty Candi), while the album had been switching with Demo Tapes on the charts for the last month.

He was honestly hoping that they would get the chance to communicate, or even collab, at some point -- as many avid fans online were urging -- because he was pretty sure she was one of the most talented songwriters in the next generation of the music industry.

He thought they could make each other even better.

His plan was honestly to try and track her down on the red carpet, and if that didn’t work, he would find her in the auditorium. She would probably be in the front row next to Adele or Beyonce anyways, seeing as how she was (as deserved) America’s Darling.

“Dude,” Alex elbows him in the gut and gestures to the line of paparazzi and reporters with flashing cameras in microphones. “Stop staring into space and smile. And walk us on, lead guitarist.”

The nickname is said with spite and a smirk, but Luke is overall grateful that Alex centered him in the moment once again and got him to quit looking for Julie.

She probably wasn’t even there yet, so he shouldn’t worry about it.

(Even though he’s definitely been fantasizing about how stunning she’ll look tonight.)

Him and the boys walk up to a few reporters to hyperactively answer a few questions while finding time in between to pause for photos of all of them together, and some individual shots. They are in the middle of being ushered down the red carpet when he hears it:

“Julie! Julie Molina! Come here darling, I would love to talk to you!”

There are a few people in between them, but she’s there -- in a stunning, bright purple dress covered in sparkles and small diamonds. Her curls are flawlessly pulled back but still twirling down behind her head, and to be blunt -- she takes his breath away, even though he can’t see her clearly.

“Luke! Luke!” A photographer is calling out to him, so he is sure to face back and sling his left arm around Reggie as the band poses for a few more group shots. Once again, a technician is guiding them to walk right to proceed along the carpet, and Luke catches that Julie is still being interviewed.

He doesn’t realize he’s staring when a reporter, the same reporter that’s interviewing Julie, is calling him over.

And Julie is still standing there, visibly blushing under layers of makeup and sending him a sheepish, apologetic smile.

Without hesitation, he jogs over, and hugs the reporter.

“Hi, Grace! It’s good to see you!”

“Luke Patterson, you are the talk of the night -- besides my other guest, Miss Julie Molina, of course.” Grace gestures to both of them, and Luke sees that Julie is still avoiding her eyes, and even though they are currently broadcast on national television he just wants to talk to her.

“Yes, of course, I’ve been looking forward to getting to officially meet her all night.”

Julie’s head whips to the left to look at him -- he meets her eyes with his classic, joyous Luke Patterson grin. When she reflects it, he feels like the final nail has been hammered into his coffin.

“No, you have not!” She slaps his arm playfully. “I should have known you’d be a flirt when I met you.”

“So what you’re saying is… You’ve thought about meeting me too?”

Their moment is interrupted by the reporter. “Wait, you two haven’t met before? That’s impossible!”

“And incredibly disappointing,” Luke jumps in. “All of our fans keep asking us to meet but we’ve been touring at the same times, and the timing’s just never been right.”

“I just told Marie Claire last week that Lu- Sunset Curve, sorry, was my dream collab for the future. Our sounds could blend so well!”

Luke’s heart just about shoots out of his chest, so he tries to control himself by biting his lip with a smile. The reporter doesn’t miss it. “Luke, you look happy about that!”

“I- I-” His stutter emerges, but he quickly swallows and changes directions. “It’s just really cool to hear that, we listen to Julie’s music all the time at home, and I have spent an unhealthy amount of time imagining a collaboration, so hearing she feels the same way tells me already that we would creatively blend really well.”

At his side, Julie beams at him. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and she’s giggling at his sweet words, and in the split moment that the reporter tries to regain their focus -- their hands brush together as they spin back to face Grace.

In a bold move, Luke raises his fingers towards hers like they are magnets, and holds his breath while he waits for a reaction.

He can finally breathe when her fingers link in his; her soft skin brushing along and sending sparks up his arm.

“Well, I should let you guys go,” Grace says with a sigh, “but thank you both so much for taking the time! Can we expect a possible Julie Molina/Sunset Curve collab anytime soon?”

Surprisingly, Julie takes the lead on this one, her fingers tightening around his hand.

“If it’s not the next song that I release, then somethings wrong and you guys will need to send help.”

You have a band, Luke tells himself, a band that you need to talk to about-

“I second that,” he finds himself saying with a squeeze to Julie’s hand.

As the reporter hypes up their announcement while facing the camera, they start to walk away, and Luke realizes he has to rejoin the band on the carpet and not get to stand here and hold Julie’s hand and tell every reporter that he is holding Julie Molina’s hand!

Julie turns to him. “See you in there?”

“See you in there,” Luke smirks, “I’ll be the one on my feet when you sing.”

“And I’ll be the one holding the Grammy.”

And with a wink, as Luke shakes his head with an awed grin, she makes her way back to the carpet.

As it turns out, they do find each other later. Shockingly, Julie asks the band for an autograph, because -- despite Luke’s teasing -- her little brother is apparently a huge fan.

She is the victor in the competition for Record of the Year, but Sunset Curve pulls away with two trophies from their other nominations, and Luke can’t find it in him to be anything but overjoyed for themselves and Julie -- especially as he watches her sing, captivate the entire audience, and get everyone on their feet at the end.

In a burst of impulsiveness, she joins them in their van after the ceremony; but instead of going to an afterparty, they drive to the boys’ house on the beach and Luke finds himself curled up on the couch in his custom suit right next to Julie (who is almost on top of him), furiously writing down new songs and beginning their collaboration then and there.

It turns out, they were wrong about one thing.

The next song released by the two artists isn’t the collab -- the next album is. Julie and the Phantoms becomes their official collaboration project, and spirals into more of a hit than their individual groups.

Twelve months later, they are back at the Grammys, and everything is the same -- only they are no longer competing. They are a team. And Luke couldn’t be happier about it; especially when he shows up on Julie’s arm.

@willexx @unsaid-emily

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatp fanfic #juke #juke fanfic

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laufire · 2 years

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April Stuff

Writing progress

-Misfire. Black Sails; Idelle-centric, Idelle & Flint. Written for the Black Sails Zine; first installment of the Idelle, the Pirate Whisperer series. 1.5k, T.

-A cherised respite. Black Sails; Muldoon/Silver. Written for the Black Sails Zine (nsfw version). 2.2k, E.

I advanced quite a lot in some WIPs, enough that I think I can meet my goals of posting fic more regularly from now on. And finished what I wanted to do for the Once Upon A Fic exchange (only editing left!).

I also broke my promise NOT to have new ideas LMAO. Twice in the same week, one fanfic and one original. Both #tumblr cancelled worthy xD

Excerpts:

-Some Sambrady in the context of a s1 AU. SPN.

-Alex and Claire banter. SPN, Wayward Sisters AU.

-Azazel and Castiel banter. SPN, post-canon AU, Megstiel.

Edits:

-Demon!Bela, for angelfishofthelord’s follower celebration. Supernatural, graphic.

-Megstiel + faith vs. doubt, for angelfishofthelord’s follower celebration. Supernatural, gifset.

-AU!Castiel & Claire, for angelfishofthelord’s follower celebration. Supernatural, moodboard + notfic.

-Amara + destruction/creation, for angelfishofthelord’s follower celebration. Supernatural, gifset.

-Samruby + Hymn to Demeter, for angelfishofthelord’s follower celebration. Supernatural, graphic.

-Memori & Echoven + Home parallel. The 100, gifset.

-Jason Todd hints in various DCU canons. Gifset; DCEU, Harley Quinn Animated Show, Batwoman.

-Two icons: Idelle from Black Sails and Caroline Forbes from The Vampire Diaries.

—

FOR REFERENCE:

List of all my WIPs.

I’m mainly putting it here for whenever I post an ask meme about WIPs (although feel free to ask me questions about them whenever). I’ll update it if there’s any changes.

books read + shows watched + films watched in 2022

Previous months:

January | February | March

#talking to the void #me me me

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goldenraeofsun · 4 years

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Rae’s Masterlist of Fics

Ho boy, strap in! Here's a masterlist of my most popular fics (all complete), divided into Canon Divergence, Human AUs, and other Supernatural AUs, and sorted by length. I use the tag #rae writes fic, where you can find some more ficlets not included here.

My ask box is always open for prompts!

Alternate Universe - Human

A Thousand Lies* - 72k, conman au

What's Between Us - 66k, celebrity AU

Head Down, Walk with Reason - 63k, a/b/o, royalty au

Don’t Look Back* - 36k, soulmate au, radio DJ Dean

Not the Fire but the Spark* - 30k, soulmate au, tattoo artist Dean

Dean Winchester and the Patron Saint of Blind Dates - 18k, strangers to friends to lovers

His Right Hand Man - 17k, pirate au

Happy Homemaker, 151.8k subscribers - 3.4k, celebrity au

The Original Apple Pie Latte* - 14k, a/b/o, celebrity au

Painted Faces on Parade - 3.3k, royalty au

Hey nonny, nonny is it you? - 2.8k, fairytale au

4:01 PM - 2.8k, soulmate au

Protect the Past. Save the Future* - 2.2k, time travel, coworkers au

When Humans Want Something Really, Really Bad...* - 2.3k, university coffee shop au

Text Me in the Morning - 1.9k, post-first date texting au

Chekov's Pizza* - 2.2k, fuck buddies to lovers

Canon / Canon Divergence

Ictalurus Furcatus - 1.6k, catfish au

Where the Heart Is* - 39.2k, Claire POV, time travel

The Seraph and the Frog - 14.3k, season 12 au, animal transformation

Caveat Emptor* - 7.5k, Dean rescues Cas from the Empty, Dean POV

Out on the Edge* - 14k, post-finale

Enhanced Extraction Techniques* - 6k, Dean rescues Cas from the Empty, Cas POV

Symmetria - 4k, post-series, Death!Dean, God!Sam, Darkness!Jack

Wrapped in Harsh Repose - 2.8k, post confession, reunion

the part where you hug back - 1.6k, Sam & Cas friendship

On the House - 1.6k, Outsider POV, post series au

Alternate Universe - Supernatural

25 and Still Alive - 1.2k, Claire POV, post series au

You Shook Me All Quarantine Long Series* - 10k each, creature aus

Remember Me, Honeybee - 10k, angel!Cas, farmer!Dean

You've Got Me? Who's Got You? - 2k, superhero au, alien!Cas

Nothing Makes Us So Lonely - 1.7k, witch!Cas, truth spell

Crypt Kicker Five - 1.6k, creature au, established relationship

ANTH4104 Folklore Practicum* - 1.5k, hunter!Dean, librarian!Cas

*Indicates my personal fave!

#rae writes fic

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swissarmymanbf · 3 years

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hiii :] do u have any good spn fic recs?? i trust ur taste <3

HIIIII ANON first of ty for coming to me ily. second i dont know what you want exactly as spn fic is a very broad category but im just going to give you some that ive read and very much enjoyed :3

(fics will be under the read more bc this is kinda long)

a turn of the earth by microcomets: destiel, dean pov, 95k, slowburn. cas gets sent back in time and meets 22 year old dean. i am very bad with descriptions but this one is definitely worth reading, its the only long fic ive been able to read multiple times. (mature content warning towards the end)

the tunnel of love by xylodemon: destiel, dean pov, 21k. dean and cas have to kiss for a hunt. highly enjoyable, great writing, one of my favorites. (also mature content warning towards the end)

après by imogenbynight: destiel, cas pov, 24k. cas loses his grace and lands in paris, dean flies out to get him, and they have a sort of cute romantic holiday there. this one is really sweet!! also has a follow up, billet doux. (again, mature content warning towards the end)

the cost of a thing by quiettewandering: destiel, dean pov, 74k, fake relationship, slow burn. dean and cas are hunting something thats killing married couples and they have to pretend to be married in order to catch it.

adjust to the light by achillese: midam, 69k, au. adam is the only survivor of an uncaught serial killer. warning this one is kind of dark (not that much explicit violence but it does involve serial killers and the aftermath of attempted murder so. if that bothers you than tread carefully)

the world begins anew by clasch: destiel, dean pov, 1.2k, fluffy, christmas celebration. this one is really adorable and made me almost cry.

a new type of normal by chipper99: destiel, dean pov, 2k, fluff. cas thinks dean means a kiss when he asks if hes forgotten something but in reality he's talking about car keys. this one is really cute and funny :3

four seasons by thesongsmith: destiel, au, .7k. technically this should not be on a serious fic rec list bc its a crackfic but its also really funny. remember when the trump administration accidentally booked four seasons landscaping instead of the four seasons hotel? this is just that but destiel

well everybody's got a secret, sonny by luminoussbeings: 1.7k, sam and dean both think the other is homophobic.

brainstorm by astralpenguin: t4t channing/kevin (pre-relationship, theyre around 14) 1.2k, fluffy. channing helps kevin pick out a name.

jack goes to kindergarten by cowboydeanwinchester: outsider pov, background destiel, 2k. jack goes to kindergarten and the teacher meets his family.

veil by evol_love: harry/ed (ghostfacers), 8k. ed and harry both attend the deancas roadhouse wedding.

you care about what i eat. that’s what a husband does. you cook for me even when i don’t ask. that’s what a husband does. when i pass out you comb my hair so there’s no knots in it. that’s what a husband does. by goodbyechunkylemonmilk: midam, 6k. michael and adam get married at dennys. this one is really cute one of my absolute favorites.

white summer by mrbluesky: 5k, dean and claire are both trans and come out to eachother.

you have to break a few eggs by archangelgabriel: midam, 9k, au. adam works at a diner and michael keeps coming in at 1 am.

like a crown on a thorn by lusilly: samruby, 1.2k. character/relationship study, very good i really like this one.

we said something dumb, see by peterspajamas: annamary, 1.5k. anna and mary meet in a bar. excellent fic highly recommend, got me into annamary.

im gonna wrap this up here since its kinda long, if youve made it this far then i will do a bit of self promo and rec my own fics lolz (buzzcut season - dreamhunter fluff + please dont leave me - dean and claire bond) i hope you enjoy these!! if i think of any more ill rb this and add them on :]

#mailbox #anon #if u want anything more specific feel free 2 send another ask!!

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dontworrysunflower · 4 years

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Treat You Better | Shawn Mendes

Anonymous requested: helloooo! so i’m obsessed with the stereotypical bestfriends w shawn and him being jealous of 1. her bf bc he’s a shitty guy or 2. jealous of some guy hitting on her at a party and it’s very angsty and ends w softness plssss :)) and by her i mean y/n obvi😂😂

Warnings: slight angst, bad relationship, tears ig, horrible writing

Word Count: a little over 1.5k

Enjoy! Masterlist in my bio

•••

His finger rapidly tapped at the wooden table, his narrow eyes watching as she interacted with her boyfriend, laughing and dancing on the dance floor of the club.

Shawn’s leg bounced under the table, the hairs on his arms standing still as he watched him slide his hand further down her back.

Shawn’s nose flared when he saw the smirk on his face. He watched as she faked a smile and brought his hand higher up her back, the smile on her boyfriends face faltering as she pulled away and walked away from the dance floor.

She flattened out her dress and let out a breath making her way to Shawn, who scoot further into the booth to let her in.

“You okay?” Shawn asked quietly, letting his anger subside into worry as she took big gulps of his beer.

She cleared her throat and looked at him. “Yep. Just peachy.” She turned to the dance floor as she watched her boyfriend, Jack, walk up to another woman. She sighed and looked down at her lap, playing with your fingers.

Shawn’s jaw clenched at the sight then looked at her, wrapping his arm around her. “Why do you let him do this to you? You deserve better.”

“Like who Shawn?” She sulked into his shoulder, goosebumps forming on her skin where Shawn rubbed his fingers against your arm.

Me. Shawn thought.

“Anyone but him. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.”

She wiped at her face and pulled away from his embrace. “I don’t wanna talk about this Shawn.” You frowned.

“But honey, you can’t just let-”

“Shawn I don’t wanna-”

“(Y/N) why don’t you just understand-”

“Stop!”

They were silent in the club, the loud music and the dancing sweaty bodies moving around almost a distraction.

“(Y/N),” Shawn spoke softly, coming closer to her. “you can’t just let him treat you like this.”

“What else am I supposed to do, Shawn? I can’t-I don’t know how.” She whimpered in his arms, tears falling down your face.

He looked over her shoulder to Jack sucking faces with another woman, not even caring about her.

Shawn sighed and pulled her into a hug, holding her head close as she sobbed. “Let's go, honey.” Shawn pulled around her arm to leave.

“What about-” She was about to turn around, but Shawn stopped her.

“Forget him.”

The cold night air hit her as she made her way to Shawn’s car, her eyes already drooping with sleep.

“C’mon hun.” He held her by her waist to help her up his jeep, letting out a small chuckle when she whined and hung her head to the side, eyes shut. Shawn helps her put on the seatbelt and he absentmindedly kisses her head. He shuts the door and walks around the car, opening the door and stepping inside, putting the keys into the ignition to heat up the car.

•••

The drive to Shawn’s apartment was quiet other than the soft music playing around them, the windows fogging up from the cold air outside.

(Y/N) thought a lot as she sat beside Shawn. She thought about all of the times she cried to him because Jack was being too friendly with other girls. Shawn always knew how to make her feel better without even trying, he just had to smile at her and that made her whole day.

She turns to look at him as he’s driving, his softly hums music to her ears when she realizes.

She realizes Shawn’s way better than Jack.

But she frowns and looks out the window because she knows she can’t.

He’s a celebrity, he wouldn’t want someone as ordinary as her. So she lets her newfound feelings subside into the pit of her stomach and falls into a deep sleep before they make it to Shawn’s apartment.

•••

When she wakes she’s enveloped in a blanket on a big bed, the moonlight floating in the room from the large floor to ceiling windows. She wipes at her eyes and lets out a deep breath, her shoulders falling as she relaxed. She sat up against the headboard to take in her surroundings, the collection of watches on a counter telling her she was at Shawn‘s.

Her brows furrow when she realizes she’s not wearing her skin tight dress and heels, but one of Shawn‘s old band tees and a pair of his boxers and her hair is tied into a braid.

She shuffles out of the room and hears the tv get louder as she makes her way closer to the living room.

Grey’s Anatomy is on the screen, Shawn’s back to her as he watches the show.

She slowly makes her way behind him and rests her chin on his head. He flinches but he then quickly relaxes when he feels her hands trail down his shoulders and lightly scratching the skin of his biceps.

“Oh! You’re awake, you scared me.” He turns around on the couch to face her, his big hand on the back of the couch in front of her. “You okay?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowed as his eyes trailed all over her face.

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes and nods, humming in response, her fingers absentmindedly playing with the hem of the shirt she’s wearing. “Did you, uhm-” She pulls at the shirt, a nervous blush on her cheeks.

Shawn’s cheeks become a similar color to her and he scratches his neck. “Oh yeah, uhm, you had asked me to. I-I didn’t do anythi-”

“Shawn, it’s okay.” She giggles at his nervous manner and walks around to the front of the couch, sitting close next to him.

They sat next to each other, exchanging words and laughing at the illuminated tv screen.

“Have you heard from Jack?” Shawn asked wearily, scared to see her still care about him.

She sighs and shrugs. “I don’t know, probably off with some girl.” She frowns and looks down at her lap, her fingers playing at the chipped nail polish on her nails.

His jaw clenches but he pulls her close as she sniffs. “You deserve better than him.”

She releases a sad chuckle before she starts to sob in his shoulder. He cringes and holds her closer, hating that she cries over a guy that’s not worth her time.

“I don’t-I don’t know what to do. He treats me like nothing. He says he loves me but he flirts with these other girls. And I know he’s cheated on me already, I just-I just don’t want to believe it’s true.” She sobbed, her tears staining his shirt.

“Honey, you need to get away from him, he’s not good for you and you deserve so much better. You deserve someone who treats you like a princess, no, a queen. You deserve to feel the love he’s not giving you from someone better.”

She chuckles bitterly and harshly wiped at her cheeks. She angrily pulled away from him and crossed her arms. “Like who?”

Before he can stop himself, he says one word. “Me.”

Her eyes widen and she moves farther away from him, he notices, and frowns. “What’d you say?” She asked bewildered, her chest moving up and down in fast breaths.

There’s no going back now.

“Me. Choose me, (y/n). You’re my best friend and I love you so much and it pained me to see you get hurt by him so many times.”

“What would make you any different to him?”

He kneeled in front of her, his hands desperately grasping at her bare knees. “I know you. I’ve known you since we were three years old. I know you better than I know myself. I know that you’d rather have ice cream than chocolate when you’re on your period. I know you don’t like going out like we did tonight. And you say you hate those cheesy rom-coms but really you want a relationship just like in the movies.” He smiles brightly at you and watches you giggle through your tears.

“I know you hate pepperoni but love the taste so you get pepperoni pizza anyway. I know that you refuse to get on swings again because you tried to jump off super high and sprained your ankle.”

“I know that a woman is no object and they should be treated like they're supposed to. And Jack wasn’t treating you like that.” She looks down at her lap and chews at her bottom lip, a habit she had when she was thinking too hard.

“Let me be your rom-com worthy boyfriend that will show just how meaningful you are to me. I can be that for you, if-if you let me.” He breathed out, his mouth dry from talking too long but he didn’t care, as long as she finally knew how he felt.

After what seemed an eternity, she looks up at him with teary eyes and a wobbly smile. “I want you to be that for me too.”

He chuckles lightly and goes to kiss her, but she moves farther away.

“I-I don’t wanna be like him.” She swallows and looks at him nervously. She opens her mouth to continue, but Shawn stops her. He caresses her cheek and smiles at her. “This will have to do for now.” And with that, he kisses her nose.

Permanent Taglist: @shawnssongs @shawn-youth @alles- - oder- nichts @zabdisamor @iammechick @it’s-not-a-peter-tingle @iloveshawnieboi @turtoix @wildflower-cth @heyits-claire @mutuallynotmutual @emilyxkate @silverreading @sweetpeabellamyblakedracomalfoy @blairscott @nervousyouths @rbforsmileycal @shawnsvanity @skarsgard-bill-sstuff @lostandfallenstar @sixwyrxstuff @quacksonhq @shawnwyr @a-dorky-book-keeper @sohani02 @sleepybesson @unsolvedhearts @reallysparklychaos @honeyrosemuffins @shawniebunny22 @katiaw2 @lover2448 @justanotherwriter-fangirl @hollandraul @shawns-sunflower @imaginashawnns @vinylmendes @havethetimeeofyourlifee @ilsolee @feliciaceciliamariajacobsson @iconicharry @marissje @imbjapan @ihopeweneverseeoctober @masintahin @meatte @dancing-oceans @chonmnds @fallmoreinlove @cosmicmndes @lanallaa @fallinallincurls @wholeheartedlymendes @yslsaint @cevansh @omgdani17

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profoundnet · 4 years

Text

Profound Member Post - January 2020

Header by @cryptomoon and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in their entirety during that month.

This months round up is extra special as PB celebrated its 2 year anniversary with a creation birthday bash. You will find submissions for this monumental occasion marked with a 🎂 emoji! Happy Birthday PB and thank you to everyone who makes this server, and our corner of the fandom so great!

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR JANUARY 2020!

Featuring works by @nox-lee, @nickelkeep, @maleyah-givemetomorrow, @banshee1013, ArielAquarial, @castielslostwings, @butterflydreaming-writes-fic, @goldenraeofsun, @jemariel, @surlybobbies, @blueeyesandpie, @rauko-creates, @foxymoley, @maggiemaybe160, and, @andimeantittosting!

Masterpost below the cut.

noxlee - @nox-lee - noxlee - (Pillowfort)

Soft (E, 1.7k)

15x10 coda. Dean discovers that his new "normal" extends to his sex life as well.

Tags: coda, established relationship, mediocre sex

nickelkeep - @nickelkeep - nickelkeep

Tupelo Honey (E, 5.5k) 🎂

When one of his co-workers fall through on a photo shoot, Dean steps up to help out and cover it. Who knew that there was a such thing as a beekeeper's society? And who knew that a gorgeous blue-eyed man would be a beekeeper?

Tags: AU - Modern, Photographer!Dean, Beekeeper!Cas, Nude Photoshoot, Pinups, Cas acts like Endverse!Cas, Semi-Public Sex

Time Alone (T, 1.9k) 🎂

Dean wants some alone time with Cas. The best way to do that? Find a case and tell Sam and Jack to stay behind.

Tags: Canonverse, Casefic, Salt and Burn, Established Relationship, Secret Relationship, Impala Kisses.

‘Til I Found Salvation (M, 14k)

Finding your soulmate isn't hard when almost everyone has multiple soulmates; four, five even upwards of seven. It's rare to have only three soul marks and people who only have two? Sucks to be them. And the poor sons of bitches who only have one? They're the unluckiest of all. Dean Winchester knows a thing or two about being unlucky.

Tags: Canonverse, Canon Divergent, Soulmate Marks, Angst with a Happy Ending, Temp. MCD, Whump, Hurt/Comfort

Something to Talk About (T, 5.6k)

Charlie pointed up at her ear. "You don't hear that?"

"Hear what?" Dean closed his eyes and rested for a moment. He realized that music played in the background and started searching for the source immediately. "Wait, is that... Is that Zeppelin playing?

"Bunker, play 'Houses of the Holy,'" Charlie replied, a smirk on her face.

The first few haunting notes of the Zeppelin classic started playing, and Dean's head whipped around in surprise. "Where's that coming from? Did you buy one of those damned Alexa Despacito things for the bunker?"

Tags: Canonverse, AU - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Charlie & Sam ship Destiel, Home Automation, Domesticity in the Bunker, Pranks and Practical Jokes

Balance to the Force (E, 7.5k)

When needing their privacy in open areas, Charlie and Dean have no problem switching to an uncommon language - Sindarin, from Lord of the Rings. But when they start speaking it at Nerd Convention, does Dean bite off more than he can chew?

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, AU - ComicCons, Gratuitous Nerdiness, Polygot!Cas, Language/Accent Kink, Strangers to Lovers

Space Oddity (SFW) 🎂

Art for @maggiemaybe160‘s fic Space Oddity

Maleyah - @maleyah-givemetomorrow - Maleyah

Where the Corporeal and Poetry Meet (E, 3.6k)

Part one of a series of ficlets exploring a season 9 divergence, where Cas is brought back to the Bunker and explores his humanity with Dean. "Straddling him as they make out, Dean whispers the suggestion that night. He binds Castiel’s hands with his own tie, which spikes Castiel’s breathing. He’s sure that if he still possessed his grace, his eyes would light up the dimly lit room in pale blue. His eventual orgasm knocks the breath out of him and it takes a long time to come back down into the safe circle of Dean’s arms.

They take it from there."

Tags: Human!Cas, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Soft Dom!Dean, Soft sub!Cas, Poetry, Idiots in Love, Domestic Fluff

Where Kinks and Breakfast Meet (M, 3k)

Part two of a season 9 divergence series where Cas gets brought back to the Bunker and explores his humanity with Dean. "But he still wants to engage Cas. Fully. He’s only unwilling to put Cas at a similar risk, despite Cas’ persistent reassurances that his drop was related to the realisation that hit him mid-play. They do further research together. Into shibari. Into bondage. Into subspace. Drops. Both on the Dom and sub’s end. So he realises he suffered one in the wake of their moment and that he went about handling it the wrong way. A few days ago, Dean found a promising list, which he insisted they fill in to avoid a repeat performance. With everything they have been up to, Dean has faith (who knew?) they are compatible, but he wants clarity. He smiles at the feelings that loosens up inside his chest and huffs, rolling his eyes at himself."

Tags: Human!Cas, Kink Negotiation, Domestic Fluff, Soft Dom!Dean, Soft sub!Cas, switching implied, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester

Banshee1013 - @banshee1013 - Banshee1013

Texas Sun (M, 4k) 🎂

Ever since Cas and Dean tied the knot, they have been driving Sam *insane* with their inappropriately located and utterly spontaneous make-out suggestions. So when he finds them looking at filming locations for the movie "Tombstone" in Arizona, he suggests they take some time (and give him a break!) and road-trip it. Dean plans the route and takes the long way 'round through Texas - all the more time to spend with his angel, and show him some sights along the way.

Tags: Fluff, Road Trips, Sam Winchester is Not Amused, Honeymoon, Grinding, Canon Related, Established Relationship

ArielAquariel - ArielAquariel

Your hand in mine, we walk the miles (E, 11.5k)

With the big day finally there, Dean is more than ready to walk down that aisle and marry Cas.

Tags: Wedding Fluff, Honeymoon, Established Relationship, Alternate Universe, Castiel is Claire Novak's Parent, Fluff, Domestic Fluff

castielslostwings - @castielslostwings - castielslostwings

Slide Away (E, 51k)

Since meeting and falling in love in front of the camera a decade ago, movie star Dean Winchester and his husband, celebrity photographer Castiel, have been the media’s darlings. From the outside, it truly appears as if the couple has it all: fame, fortune, fans and most of all, a profound and unshakeable bond that sees them through all the highs and lows. Behind the scenes, everything is not as it seems. Beyond carefully-curated sets of photos and filters, Dean and Castiel have been falling apart for years. Their marriage is essentially over, the latest victim in Hollywood’s merciless grinder. As a last-ditch effort to punch out some positive PR before news of their split breaks, the boys agree to do one last PR stunt—a recreation of the photos that made the world fall in love with them (while they were falling for each other). Will this plan drive their relationship over the edge permanently? Or will Dean and Castiel finally realize that their fans aren’t the only ones who have been fooled by all the smoke and mirrors? Misunderstandings, miscommunication, and mistrust are only the beginning. But if our heroes can push past those mistakes, perhaps they can learn that it's never too late to start all over again.

Tags: Miscommunication, Misunderstanding, Fake Relationship, Idiots back to lovers, Movie Star Dean, Photographer Castiel, Accidental sex tape, divorce, mutual pining, angst with a happy ending.

looks_clear (chrysalisdreams) - @butterflydreaming-writes-fic - looks_clear (chrysalisdreams)

White Light // Black Water (T, 7k)

In 2019, the Baozhu, a pearl that granted the desire of Dean’s heart, changed the timeline from a particular moment in 2003. Dean is hunting alone when events set in motion before that year catch up to him.

Tags: Drowning, Temporary Character Death, Car Accidents, Baby Gets Hurt, Time Travel, Episode Related, Episode S8e12: As Time Goes By, Episode S14e300: Lebanon, Kale!Sam, Alternate Angel Lore

goldenraeofsun - @goldenraeofsun - goldenraeofsun

Dean Winchester and the Patron Saint of Blind Dates (T, 18k)

Dean Winchester's friends are a bunch of traitors. So he had a bad breakup two years ago and hasn't gotten back on the horse. Their intervention - a series of blind dates - can't be the solution. But if this'll get his friends to stop, Dean can choke down over-priced spaghetti, make forced conversation, and drink whatever random cocktail the weirdo behind the bar makes for him next. At least Cas has Dean's back. One word from Dean, and he'll make excuses for Dean to bail like a super awkward knight in shining armor.

Tags: Human AU, Bartender Cas, Dean has self-worth issues, minor angst, Benny & Dean friendship, minor Sam/Ruby

jemariel - @jemariel - jemariel

Spit-Polish and Shine (E, 1.5k) 🎂

You know how Dean Winchester doesn't wear shorts? Well. Sometimes he does. Unredeemed filthy porn on a car. Prompted by a PB botstat.

Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex on a Car, Exhibitionism, Masturbation, Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Sam Winchester is Scarred For Life

surlybobbies - @surlybobbies - surlybobbies

I Like the Sound of That (T, 1k)

In mid-December, Gabe hangs a sprig of mistletoe in Cas’s foyer. Cas, resisting the temptation to strangle his brother, snaps a picture and sends it to Dean. Take it down or leave it up? Idk dude. U trying to catch someone under there? Cas hedges. I don’t want to kiss anyone who’d only do it because of a plant. Fair enough. Just leave it up tho. U’ll break an ankle climbing up ur rickety ladder. Dw u don’t have to kiss me Cas puts his phone down and doesn’t reply. He indulges in two glasses of wine and valiantly tries to avoid thinking about kissing Dean.

Tags: friends to lovers, christmas fic, fluff, mistletoe, au

Lucky Enough (T, 2.5k)

Dean opened his mouth, ready to argue, but then closed it just as suddenly, deflating. He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Cas, I don’t mean to be a dick.” “Then stop being one,” Cas said simply, adjusting the blankets around Dean a little more securely. There was a pause. Dean blinked. “You’re supposed to say that I wasn’t being a dick in the first place.” “I dislike lying to you.” Dean scowled. “Why am I your friend?” “Because I spend my holidays looking after you when you’re sick,” Cas said matter-of-factly, reaching out to touch Dean’s forehead. [Dean's sick over the New Year's Eve holiday, but it's fine because Cas has got a bed to share.]

Tags: holiday fic, bed sharing, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, new year's kiss, cuddling

blueeyesandpie - @blueeyesandpie - blueeyesandpie

Beginnings (SFW) 🎂

The door to Dean's room in the Bunker, with Cas's tie on the doorknob

Tags: the bunker, pb100, we all know what's happening in there

In the California Sun (SFW)

A commissioned painting for Slide Away of Dean and Cas standing in a pool.

Tags: slide away, commissions, the tension amirite

Commission for Slide Away (SFW)

A commission for Slide Away of Cas running into Dean's arms along a corridor lined with photos of their rekindled romance.

Tags: commission, yay they happy

The Kiss Cam (E, 8k) 🎂

Dean's excited about the tickets he got for the OSU/UofM football match, but his boyfriend Crowley seems intent on ruining the day (and possibly his life) for him. When the kiss cam settles on them and Crowley pushes Dean away, a blue-eyed man they'd met in line is more than happy to fill the void. Loosely based on the headline/prompt "Woman Kisses Man Next to Her on Kiss Cam After Date Snubs Her."

Tags: manipulative crowley, non-explicit dean/crowley, minor sabriel, strangers to lovers, angst and fluff and e-rated shenanigans, NOT a sports story, pb birthday bash, collaboration

Say It Straight (T, 1.7k) 🎂

Something went wrong in that milk run to Kentucky, but neither Dean nor Cas want to explain what happened. When the truth does come out, it isn't at all what Sam expected...though really, why should he be surprised?

Tags: PoV: Sam Winchester, Sam ships it, Idiots to Lovers, Canonverse, drinking to cope, PB Bot Prompts, first time, no spoilers past season 13

rauko-creates - @rauko-creates - FeaRauko

Sing Love (T, 2.7k)

Castiel comes back from a grocery run with Sam and overhears Dean singing in the shower. ***or*** That one where Castiel finds out that Dean might love him too.

Tags: canonverse, singing, idiots in love, first kiss, fluff, some angst, love confessions

foxymoley - @foxymoley - foxymoley

Hell’s Companion (G, 350 words)

This is for saltnhalo's birthday!

It's hard to write for someone so talented but I scoured PB for any prompts she had shown an interest in and apparently she 'needed this'! Lol So here we are!

Prompt by Sky: You’ve heard of witch!cas and familiar!dean now consider this upgrade to demon!cas and hellhound!dean - hellhounds, of course, having a secret human form in this au.

Tags: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Demon Castiel, Hellhound Dean, non-explicit/implied torture of random unnamed demon, mention of Boy King Sam

Roll for Dragons (T, 2.8k) 🎂

Dean is offered up as a sacrifice by his corrupt hometown. Written for jdragon as part of the Profoundbond birthday bash.

Tags: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury, Jo Harvelle, Dragons, Alternate Universe - Historical

Mithril (G, 1k) 🎂

Dean makes an interesting discovery in a bunker storeroom so he and Sam perform some experiments.

Tags: Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Weapons, The Lord of the Rings References, Men of Letters, Bunker, Soft!Dean

MaggieMaybe160 - @maggiemaybe160 - MaggieMaybe160

Birthday Wishes (M, 3.5k)

Dean recalls his past birthdays before going out to celebrate his 41st.

Tags: Graphic Violence Warning. Heavy Angst. Anti-John Winchester.

Broken (M, 700 words)

Dean snaps out of a dreamlike state and found he's made a huge mistake and it's Zachariah's fault. All part of a plan to get him to say yes to Michael.

Tags: Graphic Violence Warning. Major Character Death Warning. Heavy Angst.

Demon Deals and Prayers to Angels (T, 4.5k) 🎂

Dean makes a deal with a demon so he can go back in time and change the future.

Tags: Major Character Death Warning. Heavy Angst.

Sleep Oddity (T, 1.5k) 🎂

Based on a prompt: "I just want to go home," said the astronaut. "So come home," said Ground Control. "So come home," said a voice from the stars.

Tags: Major Character Death Warning

Falling (T, 2k) 🎂

Cas remembers all of the times that Heaven was against he and Dean getting together, and the repeated times he didn't care.

Tags: Graphic Violence Warning. Happy Ending.

Memories on Display (T, 2k) 🎂

Cas is in shock after a battle and is going through memories to try to cope with loss.

Tags: Major Character Death. Grief.

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting - andimeantittosting

On a Breath of Snow (G, 4.5k)

Once, Castiel, Duke of Rexford, gave up the love of his life in the name of duty and honour. He has dedicated his life to raising his son Jack. Now, a fierce snowstorm brings Dean, Viscount Winchester back into his life on Christmas Eve. And as North Cove Castle's fires burn warm and festive, so do Dean and Castiel’s feelings of hope.

Tags: Regency AU, Getting back together, Christmas, Alternate history

#Profoundnet Monthly Masterpost #january masterpost #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #spn #sorry this took so long guys!#the past months have been A Lot

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goodfemalecharacters · 5 years

Text

15x03 Coda: Consolation Prize

Three sad vignettes for three sad dudes. Destiel, Samwitch of a sort, 1.5k

It’s over.

It’s over, it’s over, it’s over, it’s over, it’s over.

Dean repeats the words in his head, because if he doesn’t, he’s going to lose it. Lose what? He’s not sure. His remaining thread of sanity, maybe. Or his ability to stop himself from hurling every item in the Bunker’s kitchen on the floor.

If it were really over, if they’d really beaten Chuck’s last challenge, if they’d really escaped the rat race they’ve been stuck in since day one, then he’d feel something, wouldn’t he? Relief. Peace. Instead, he’s every bit as empty as Famine—as Chuck?—had said he was all those years ago.

Winning would feel like cooking Mom a full meal, no nostalgic Winchester Surprise anywhere in sight, and teaching her to make a pie. Like playing catch with Dad like they did before the fire, talking about nothing important. Like watching a smile spread across Sammy’s face, not one of those pinched, drawn things that have been twisting his features for a decade. Like teaching Jack how to drive, properly this time.

Like telling Cas—well. It doesn’t matter now, does it?

Because Mom and Dad are dead, and Sam just killed the first person in years that he’s actually made a genuine connection with, and a demon wearing Jack’s corpse waltzed it into Hell and never came back, and Cas is gone.

This isn’t what winning is supposed to be like. So what does victory even mean, really?

He’s no philosopher. He’s a guy with a car, a couple guns, a kid brother, and a plucky attitude. Nevermind all the things he doesn’t have. He’s gonna take this victory and he’s gonna enjoy it, damnit. Somehow.

One quick trip to the store and a Google search set him up for the evening. As he’s making his way back to the kitchen, he stops by Sam’s room to listen. It’s quiet, and there’s no light streaming from the crack under the door. Maybe he’s asleep, but Dean knows better than to hope that that’s the case.

Once he’s back in the kitchen, Dean sets about making cookie dough with far more intensity than any reasonable person should. Take that, Chuck. Name one manly man in the whole fucking canon that celebrates his free will with making cookies. If there’s any proof that he’s no longer being yanked around like a dog on a chain, like a puppet on a string, like any number of stupid metaphors that don’t even begin to cover how he feels right now, it’s there.

Right?

By the time he takes the last batch out of the oven, it’s nearly three o’clock in the morning. The stillness of the bunker, which usually comforts him, feels heavy and oppressive. He burns his fingers on the edge of the last pan as he withdraws it from the oven.

Typical.

On his way back to his room, he sets a tray of the warm cookies outside of Sam’s. Like it’s some sort of consolation prize for making their only friend leave.

///

“Samwise, I know you’re the king of deluding yourself, but the math here isn’t hard.”

Sam can feel the breath on the back of his neck, but it’s not warm, not like breath should be, and his own warm breath catches in his throat. He closes his eyes, tenses his shoulders. This isn’t real. This isn’t real.

“You’re dead,” he tells the voice, because if he tells himself that it’s just a voice, there won’t actually be someone there when he turns around. “You’re in the Empty.”

“Yeah, sure,” the voice—he’s not naming it, he’s not—says, “keep telling yourself that. You know I’ll be wherever Chuck wants me to be in this little drama of yours, right? You know this, Sam, or you’d turn around and face me.”

Sam knows better than to turn around. After years and years and years of this, he knows not to fall for the goading. But he does, and Lucifer smiles. Sam takes a deep breath, but it doesn’t stop the way his heart is throwing itself at his ribcage like it’s trying to escape.

“I’ll make sure to say hi to Little Red for you. She’s in my territory now, you know.”

This is his poor, screwed-up, exhausted brain spitting old footage, cobbling it together like a trailer for a horror movie.

“She sacrificed herself,” Sam finds himself saying. “She sacrificed herself for the world. If that doesn’t deserve Heaven—”

Lucifer smiles, then, and the words die on Sam’s lips. “It’s cute that you still think any of this is about deserving.”

And then Sam jerks awake, his heart still pounding. He’s managed to twist the sheets around his legs like a mummy, so he takes a second to untangle himself. It’s a long enough process that his breathing has slowed to a normal rate by the time he’s done.

He has to swallow back bile, but he manages to stop himself from vomiting on to his floor. Sam lets his head drop forward to hang between his knees, which causes the angry wound in his shoulder to yell out. His head spins, but he can’t tell if it’s pain or leftover vertigo from the dream.

He hasn’t had one like that since Dean killed—truly, permanently killed—Lucifer.

He’d called Rowena that night, hands still shaking as he searched for her name on his phone. She’d asked for Lucifer’s heart (“Never know when something like that will come in handy, Samuel), and he’d had to decline, seeing as Nick had been using it. Funny, that. It probably would have been better for everyone that way.

He’d been able to hear her relief over the phone, buried as it was in the familiar lilt of her voice. She’d promised a night of toasting his death until they were both well and truly drunk. (“So, two drinks?” he’d teased, and she’d grumbled something about draining wine casks before his great-grandparents had met).

Right. They’d never get that now.

He stretches out on his bed again, on top of the sheets this time, wincing as the motion pulls on the bullethole. He doesn’t get back to sleep before his alarm goes off three hours later.

///

This particular twenty-four hour diner apparently isn’t open twenty-four hours a day—they close at three and reopen at six. The waitress, when Cas points this out to her, shoots him a glare and then proceeds to take over thirty minutes to get him the coffee he’d ordered.

He can’t taste it, of course, but it would be rude to sit here and order nothing. Besides, the slight tingle on his tongue from the caffeine is something, at least. A tiny distraction from the gaping hole in his chest.

During the brief time he’d been human, working at the Gas ’n Sip, he’d passed the long nights when there’d be hours between the customers with daydreams. Fantasies where Dean would pull up outside, walk in with his hands deep in the pockets of his coat. He’d say that they’d managed to lock both Heaven and Hell, returning angels and demons to their places for good. He’d say that it was over, that Cas could come home.

He’d say he needed to finish his shift, and Dean would roll his eyes, but he’d gather the seriousness from Cas’s voice and stay by the register for the rest of the evening. He’d buy dozens of packs of gum as he chewed his way through them, and he’d flip through so much of a magazine that Cas would insist that he buy it, too. He’d keep up a quiet stream of chatter until, at last, Cas clocked out.

Dean would kiss him in the parking lot.

Stupid. Because now, at the end of it all, there’s no going home. There’s no quiet conversation at the dinner table or long nights marathoning movies or painting his room in the bunker a pretty robin egg blue.

Certainly no kissing in the parking lot.

Now, it’s the end of it all and he doesn’t have everything. No purpose in Heaven. No life on Earth. No place to call home.

He’ll head to Jody’s tomorrow morning, once he’s pulled himself together. He can show Claire cat memes in person, watch her roll her eyes. Help Patience with her math homework, listen to Alex’s nursing stories, lend a hand in the kitchen when Jody’s busy at work. He doesn’t think she has the heart to turn him away, even though he’s not the usual sort of wayward soul that finds itself at her doorstep.

It’s not much of a plan, but it’s something. It’s enough to keep him preoccupied while he waits for the sun to rise, anyway. The waitress returns three times to fill his coffee cup while the sun slowly creeps back to the horizon, and when he leaves her a forty dollar tip, her eyebrows vanish into her hairline.

By the time he hits the road, there’s a weak sort of sunlight spilling over the highway. And even though he feels like someone hollowed out his stomach, he has to smile.

He’s part of the reason the sun is still shining, after all. No matter what else he’s lost, nobody can take that from him.

(ao3)

#destielfanficnet #destiel #spn fic #spn spoilers #spn s15 #my fic

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