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themortalityofundyingstars · 2 months

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dying on the hill we met on | 1.9k words

jegulus oneshot | mostly canon compliant (but regulus is alive) | tbh there's no jegulus til the end but it's worth the wait i swear | james being in his subconscious the whole time | nobody dies i promise it's a play on words

June 26, 1979

James had always liked summer. It was his favorite season for many reasons. The sun was always shining, the breeze just cool enough to balance out the warm temperatures. It's a shame he wasn't born in the summer.

It only makes sense he would want his wedding in summer. A beautiful venue filled with green grass and happy faces, his best friends beside him with massive smiles on their faces.

Sirius looks at James proudly, Remus next to him looking almost as elated as Sirius. Peter leans forward to look at James, his face happy but his eyes dim. At the end of the line, Frank is smiling at him fondly, with an older brother aura.

James looks around at all the people, finding his mother's face in the front row next to his father's, both looking at him as if they're remembering when they had gotten married.

James is happy. Who wouldn't be in this situation? He's marrying one of his best friends with the others by his side. His lovely parents are front row, about to watch a moment in time that will always be remembered as a joyous day.

So why does he feel conflicted? As if there's unfinished business haunting his every decision, waiting for him to make the wrong choice, standing in the shadows to watch him fail. Watching him always.

He makes sure there's still a smile on his face when the music changes. What could he have done differently? What if James had gone with him? Made sure everything was okay? Made sure he came back?

These thoughts torment the part of James' mind that ensures he always appears happy. He keeps his smile, unwavering with the growing tide of second thoughts.

Second thoughts that couldn't be acted upon, even if he wanted to. His mind takes him back to the moment Sirius told him they found a body in the lake. The moment they identified it. It didn't quite look like him, though. They told him that the body was waterlogged, so he wouldn't have looked the same anyway. It wasn't there though. The one specific freckle James had obsessed over whenever he looked at his face. It wasn't there.

The music had slowed, and the curtain of flowers at the end of the aisle had been pulled aside, letting the girl who had once been the one James had wanted most be seen.

She's walking slowly, clutching onto Mary's dad as her escort. Her eyes flick to Marlene, Alice, Emmeline, and Mary, her maid of honor. Then to James. His smile is still on his face, only faltering when he glances over to Marlene. A mistake.

She raises her eyebrow, wondering what could possibly be on his mind other than Lily. She looks at Sirius with a questioning look and he shrugs back before nudging Remus and whispering to him.

"What's up with James?", he asks Remus, who's slightly crouched over, "Marlene's asking."

"Dunno, maybe he has to piss", Remus replies before standing up straighter.

"Are you serious right now?", Sirius retorts quietly.

"No, but I have reason to believe you are though", Remus jokes.

"Not the time, but good one."

"Thanks, I know."

James, who is more and more uncertain with each step Lily takes toward him, risks a glance at Sirius, who was already concerned by Marlene's worries, and is met with an apprehensive look from him.

Sirius raises his eyebrow and tilts his head, a bit like a dog. James' smile is nearly gone.

"It wasn't there", James mutters, almost too quietly for Sirius to hear.

"What wasn't there?", he asks back gently.

"The freckle. It wasn't him, Sirius."

"What do you mean?", Sirius asks tensely.

"He's alive", James says to him, slightly louder than before, "I can't do this anymore. I have to go." He looks at Lily, who's looking at his parents, giddy and grinning. James brings a hand up to his face, feeling warmer and more anxious than ever, and finds his hand to be wet with tears. He's crying. They haven't left his eyes yet, but they're there.

Lily's looking at him again and he's thinking about her and Sirius and him and he realizes something.

He could never do this to Lily. He can't just leave to go find someone who might be alive. She's too good to do this to her. He loves her, just not in the way people would think given the situation.

She makes it up to the altar and Mary's dad goes to sit down. A single tear has left James' eye. Lily watches it travel down his face as the officiant speaks.

James goes back into his thoughts, drowning in the lingering feeling that he's still alive somewhere. Wading in the ever present guilt that encases him, telling him he should have gone with him or convinced him to not go. Drifting in the regret that he hadn't chosen to follow him and that he barely tried to get him to stay, knowing he could never change his mind once he had it made.

The officiant is talking through, going through his long speech about loving someone and he signals for James and Lily to hold each others hands. They do, and he finally says the words James has been waiting for.

"Now, if anybody has anything they'd like to say before I wed this couple, speak now or forever hold your peace."

James holds his breath, willing him to come through the flower curtain, barge in, object, run up here, crash the wedding, anything. Sirius glances at James cautiously, knowing he would never humiliate Lily like that, but also knowing he could never live with himself if he married Lily and lost his chance with his brother.

Not a single person moves. It's as if the world had paused to give them time. To give James time to make his decision, to give Sirius the opportunity to stop James if he moves, to give him time to say 'I object'.

He doesn't though. It's a little funny. He wouldn't have known they were getting married unless someone had told him, but who would have? Sirius surely didn't know, his reaction seemed genuine. Not many people were invited, it's mostly friends and family.

In hindsight, James should have known that he wouldn't have come back anyway. James always knew that he would be the first to leave. You can't get left behind if you leave first. Maybe that's what he was doing when he left for the lake that night. Leaving James first. Letting him down gently by faking his death instead of outright leaving.

James doesn't know what hurts more. Him being found dead or James realizing he's alive and avoiding him. Maybe he's not avoiding James, but staying away for his safety. He was like that. Keeping away so someone he cared for didn't get hurt or caught in the crossfire of his own misdoings.

James doesn't hear Lily start her vows. He doesn't hear the officiant asking James to start his. He doesn't feel Sirius tapping his shoulder to get his attention. He doesn't see the look on Lily's face when he's standing, blankly staring into the distance.

What he does see, though, is a boy. Up on a hill, leaning against a fence, a dark haired boy with his arms crossed is seen, despite all of his efforts to stay hidden.

James can't tell for sure if it's him, but he's not about to let him leave again if it is him.

"I'm sorry."

James moves to leave, but Sirius grabs his arm. He looks up at James with dejection in his eyes.

"Let him go."

James looks back at him, his eyebrows together and his mouth a line.

"I can't."

He looks over at Lily and she nods, "Go get him, James." She steps back and Mary puts a hand on her shoulder.

He smiles at her, "Thank you." James looks back up at the hill. His arms are no longer crossed and he's standing up straight. As if he's meaning to leave soon.

He can't leave. There are so many things James never got to tell him, never got to show him.

James makes his way down the aisle, the symbolism getting to him. Going down the aisle to the entrance is usually meant for couples who just got married, not for one of them to leave for someone else. He never thought of a deeper meaning to things before him. James had really only seen the surface meaning of things before him.

It's not a big hill he has to walk up, but James is feeling winded. Maybe the understanding that he's about to see one person who really saw James, the one that didn't show surface level. Anxiousness is pooling in his stomach, feeling like dread and ecstasy and impatience all in one.

James makes it to the fencepost he saw him leaning against, finding it vacant. He looks around and sees his back turned and walking away.

His expression falters. He's leaving again. James jogs up to him and just walks with him. He matches his pace, swinging his arms in time.

James only looks at him when he's sure he wouldn't notice. He did notice, but he'll never tell James.

"Do you love her?", he asks James.

His voice surprises James. He sounds almost the same, save for a hardness that must have appeared with time and damage.

It takes him a few seconds to respond, his mouth gone dry. "Not the way I did you. She's like a sister, if anything."

They stop by a bench and he sits down, motioning for James to do the same. He sits with one leg folded up under the other, his knee resting on James' thigh.

"Why'd you do it?", James asks, turning his head to look at him while he looks off into the distance.

He takes a deep breath in, then out. "I had to. He threatened to kill Sirius. And you, but he added that bit in later."

They sit there in silence for a few minutes before he leans his head against James' shoulder. James, surprised but not complaining, puts his arm around his shoulder, pulling him in closer.

"Regulus?"

"James?"

"Are you gonna leave again?"

Regulus looks over to James, making eye contact, "Not even if you wanted me to, pretty boy."

"Hold on, I'm the pretty boy?", James looks over at Regulus with visible confusion.

"Yeah", Regulus shrugs and looks back to the hills.

"Are you— Have you ever looked in a mirror?", James asks him with raised eyebrows.

"James I've said this before", Regulus tells him with a flat expression.

"Have you?", he asks Regulus, seemingly distressed.

"Yes", Regulus nods.

James looks over to the hills, then back at Regulus with an amused look on his face, "Okay then, if I'm such a pretty boy, then kiss me like one."

Regulus looks at James, still unimpressed by his antics after two years apart, yet always willing to play along. He takes James' face in his hands and kisses him, James leaning into Regulus, moving his hands into his hair as they move with each other.

Regulus breaks the kiss, his hands still around James, one on his neck and one on his shoulder.

"Was that to your liking, pretty boy?", Regulus asks, a smirk on his face.

"Indeed. It was so good, I think I may have blacked out a bit, maybe you should do it again?", James shrugs.

Regulus rolls his eyes, "Fine."

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themoonking · 4 months

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heartbreaking: this incest ship is so popular and is such a widespread fanon that, despite you blocking literally every tag associated with it, people throw it into their posts or their fics without tagging it

#‘don’t like don’t read’ doesn’t rlly work as a defense when im TRYING to not read it #but it’s suddenly brought up as if it’s normal in the middle of a completely unrelated fic #i speak #fandom nonsense #anti ao3 #like on ao3 i filter out the ship tag the ‘past [ship]’ tag the ‘mentioned [ship]’ tag #AND i go to the general filter content and filter out the ship name #and YET #i get flashbanged w/ first cousin incest halfway through what has til that point been a fic focused on familial relationships

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djpurple3 · 8 months

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yknow like none of my fics do the same numbers they used to when i wrote sanders sides fic and i shouldnt be upset about that,,,,, but sometimes im kind of upset about that

like commenting culture is so weird i know already but like augh... pspsps.... please.... tell me u like it....

the fandom that is the best at leaving comments (that arent too weird, too) in my experience Has been the ninja turtle people tho. idk whats in that fandom but they leave some good comments

#t/ss was also pretty good for nice comments but usually u also got kinda weird ones. which doesnt surprise me #can't forget that one person who called me british bc i used the world 'whilst' once in a 14k oneshot and demand i change it to #'make it more american'#like a) ur wrong abd b) no. it's been like 4 years and i still resent you #writing mcy/t fic is rough sometimes because i fucking love to write it but people hardly comment #the worst fandom was overwatch. like NO ONE commented. that could have just been bc no one was reading my works tho #dj rambles #vent #i guess #somewhere in my brain i was a 'semi big tss writer' but like. only one fic was vaguely popular.#tho i mean a lot of people read the effects of shame. i wish i could ifnish that sometimes but aughgdkjgdffg. yknow?#i also dont want. people to think im into sides anymore #tho i am living a little double liffe i do still write tss stuff i just write smut on another completely unrelated blog. it amuses me #sorry im just rambling fr. i just think about this too much #i wish i could churn stuff out like i used to #even like a year ago i was writing like fucking crazy #im just. iASOHSDG!!!

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 10 months

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Do you think some of the backlash Engage got came from Edelstans who were salty that the game didn't adhere to their narrative of "FE is all about all dragons bad, humanity good"?

I wasn't aware Engage got backlash tbh. I know it wasn't particularly well loved and that players moved on from it pretty fast (I similarly moved on pretty fast and didn't even bother finishing the DLC because it felt pointless to do so. It was too difficult too early on, but if I finished it late game when it'd be easier, I'd have the DLC units for so short a time in that run it would be pointless), but I didn't see it get any specific backlash.

If it did then yeah, I can only figure it came from Those Stans. Anyone who has played FE for longer than Three Houses (most people either started at FE7, FE9/10, FE13 or FE14 prior to Houses) doesn't give a shit about that stuff that because we all know that's not the narrative of the franchise. In fact, usually it's an internal conflict between dragons.

For anyone less aware of the dragons' story in previous titles:

Basically you've got Naga in one continuity (FE1-5 and the remakes) who made a call that a group of dragons didn't agree with and they turned against her, refusing to forgo their pride as dragons (i.e. they could stay as dragons and eventually go insane because of the decline at the time (something not present in FE4-5 which happens before FE1-3's timeline), or they could switch to a human form and live as humans and stay sane). It ended up in a long running feud between them.

Some of those dragons were bad apples and those are your endgame villains. Since the timeline starts with the Jugdral games, you get Loptous first who doesn't vibe with Naga (who at this time doesn't interfere with humans and doesn't believe in dragons doing so) and they're enemies. Loptous is the big baddie because he wants to conquer the continent, so his motivation is basically just dragon!Edelgard (nice irony at least), and he surrounds himself with people who are loyal to him and kills the rest (Edelgard lol).

During this time you're in gen 2, and during gen 2 the protagonist is led by a human loving dragon who never even announces his identity as a dragon and assists the human in surviving against the big bad dragon. Since the big bad dragon wants to kill the bloodlined people and enslave the rest as part of his conquest, you could say it technically falls right into his war with Naga. Conquer a continent, get a bunch of mooks to fight for you and have the power of a whole ass continent behind you. It would help him in fighting the dragons who sided with Naga. Thankfully we have mister human loving dragon who won't let that happen.

Later in the timeline is FE1, where we have big bad Medeus who is in a similar boat (except this is like 1000 years post Jugdral). Doesn't agree with Naga and wants to fight her. Starts conquering a continent with his little human mooks. By this point Naga has realized that isolated the dragons from humans was a mistake and enlists Marth's help. Medeus is defeated but comes back for FE3.

FE2 was about dragons among humans and the pros and cons of it. Happened between FE1 and FE3. There was no mention of All Dragons Bad because each dragon was seen as a god to the humans and they respected them (similarly to Jugdral's part in the timeline, where all the characters' gods are actually dragons).

Come FE6, that timeline is ditched entirely until FE13. FE6 and FE7 are about dragons and humans living in peace, and how a war broke out between them because humans got too fucking greedy and started killing them (so the dragons retaliated, got defeated and went into hiding behind a sealed door so the humans would leave them the fuck alone). The general idea behind these two games is, similarly to other other titles, about human greed.

Jugdral expresses this by Naga shutting out humanity because she saw how greedy they were after saving them once, seeing humans fighting each other again and again and again - especially the ones who got greedy because they had the power to conquer, which was given to them by the dragons. Basically the dragons in their goodwill gave humans losing a war the power to survive the war/fight back again, and then years later humans used that power to start more wars. Naga decided nope and stopped interacting with them. Mind you, in no part of these games does Naga personally ever try to help humans. She stuck to her guns regarding no helping humans and in background info from the creator apparently made it law not to interact with them.

FE8 ditches the concept of dragons almost entirely, having a manakete character who is pretty much completely irrelevant to the main plot.

FE9/10 don't focus on dragons as the Big Picture and are instead equally incorporate into the story with everything else. The racial issues aren't between humans and dragons, but instead just humans (referred to in these games as beorc, with "human" being used as an insult similar to a slur due to sub-human being used for laguz) and laguz. Dragons are a sub species of laguz and are generally neutral in conflict, with only some individuals acting with motivation.

So that all said, older fans with awareness of all this (especially prior to playing Houses, i.e. Houses wasn't their first game) don't look at Engage through Houses tinted lenses. We look at it as any other entry and base it accordingly. Nobody who has played the older titles prior to Houses seems to have any backlash against it. Most seem to find it mediocre as best as a game, but overall have no issues with the story and just mainly see it as much more lighthearted than most FE stories.

That said, yeah, the only people I can imagine giving outright backlash are people who are angry that the formula didn't follow its roots because in their ignorance, all they know being pixel waifu, goes against their beloved Agarthan/humanity/Agarthan-brainwashed-Edelgard narrative.

Engage follows the story of good and bad dragons, and the good dragons being friends with humanity while the bad dragons get fought by the good dragons and their human friends. It didn't continue CF's narrative because CF was the outlier in Houses in the first place, literally intended to be the villain route, and surprise surprise, the villain route is when dragons are the enemy.

In FE7's case in particular, there are only good dragons and they fight the big bad human who is obsessed with dragons because of their power. The final boss is a dragon who came out of the gate because Nergal tricked three dragons out basically, and in seeing humans the dragons reacted violently (which like, can you blame them? After everything humans put them through for pure greed?). Ninian had to kill them to stop them from rampaging, but she said it "wasn't their fault" (it wasn't), and she was only strong enough at the time to take two of them down, so you're left to fight the last one.

In FE8, the only dragon you get isn't bad and is just from a place got attacked and destroyed, so she's the only survivor who Ephraim helped, so she joins your army.

In other wordssss... every single FE has had the same general theme for each story. CF is intentionally the only outlier and while yes the devs 100 percent fully intended to make Edelgard lovable and were they themselves obsessed with her, it doesn't change the fact that it was made to specifically be the route where you sided with the bad guys. They do acknowledge her as the villain, they're just so obsessed with her that it comes across as her not being a villain. They also can't seem to handle becoming attached to a villain they wrote because then they don't want them to be a villain and suddenly can't commit to the route properly anymore. Wah wah.

I wrote about that stuff recently more than once so I won't do it again beyond that, but... yeah, anyone who knows the standard FE formula knows Engage is the same as all the others. Nobody who understands that is gonna complain about the overall story or be mad that it's not some humanity-is-best fantasy (when even irl most people are aware that it's not and that humans are literally destroying the planet lmao...).

Honestly, seeing how detached from reality those stans are is utterly baffling but also disgusting. That is, of course, assuming they're not all imperialists irl and yadda yadda, which I'm sure some are even if not all (as an American I can say that tends to be the average American straight white man mindset, and like Edelgard considers Fodlan "the world" in both games, said Americans also tend to view America as the world itself and conveniently forget other places exist). Most are probably just so detached from the reality of what they're defending so intensely and taking so seriously that they don't see or realize how horrific it all sounds.

Again though, being that detached and obsessive is just... insanely unhealthy to points those words alone can't describe. Also, to play a totally unrelated-to-another-timeline-in-the-franchise game and yet still judge it based on less than a fourth of the content in a previous timeline-isolated entry is pretty deranged (and I say less than a fourth because CF is several chapters shorter than all the other routes, so it's not even a fourth of a game with four routes).

If people are genuinely going to judge all other FE titles based on their imperialist pixel waifu, I'd prefer them to just not play the franchise at all. FE as a franchise is not CF The Franchise.

Also, that fictional/dragon race hating mindset feels like something that's the beginning of something much worse, i.e. actually being racist toward real people because it gets you thinking a certain way that may stick with you, you know?

These people are why the FE fandom has such a horrible reputation nowadays. They're also the reason why Edelgard as a character is as controversial as she is. Many people who hate her hate her because her stans have shoved their bullshit down their throat when people weren't even talking about her or were peacefully on their own space of the internet (i.e. their own Tumblr, Twitter etc). I've seen several people actually admit to this - that they didn't originally hate her but the stans made them actually hate her.

Stans have literally tried to go at me for posting things that I didn't even tag outside of my standard DCB Comments tag. The second they find something from the For You section (or back when Tumblr search for some reason showed posts based on the content in it and not based on the tags (which iirc they fixed?)), they can't hold themselves back and continue scrolling and ignore it. They can see it's not tagged and interact anyway, ridiculing and attacking people for posting "hate" (read: usually just literary criticism) that isn't even posted in any variation of Edelgard's tags.

See, here's the thing. I love Dimitri and Claude and I've seen plenty of shit takes about them that I loathe with my very being. But like, I know people with opinions that strong already are not going to agree with me. Ever. I'm not gonna bother wasting my time trying to change their mind or argue with them because it's just going to be an irritating back and forth. I see a bad take on them and I keep scrolling and ignore it, because interacting with them/the posts gets nobody anywhere at all. Unfortunately stans don't have this mindset and feel they have to attack anyone they can find. Funny really, how much like their imperialist waifu they really are.

So tl;dr as an answer to your question: yes, I do think any backlash for the game was from Edelgard stans, because anyone else playing this franchise has more than zero brain cells and can figure out that Engage is a very standard and normal addition to the franchise. Many people don't really care for it, but there wasn't any outright backlash from anyone else that I've seen.

#DCB Ask #the worse they behave the stronger my words for them get honestly #they went from annoying to just outright dangerous and disgusting #I've seen the whole thing going around about a totally unrelated to social media author getting harassed for their fic #it's honestly extremely tiring to have to be careful what you post that isn't even fucking tagged #and I've reached this line of like... I've stopped caring and post what I want but also being paranoid abt it #evidently even if you don't get directly attacked by them they DO share shit with each other and bitch abt you #and make up shit about the kind if person you are without even knowing you and just #basing you entirely and completely off a single post they found #like you can't be in this fandom without by extension being one of their potential targets at any given millisecond #even if you're not involved with them or even if you don't even know they exist! even if you're just #innocently existing! they WILL come after you if they decide you don't like Edelgard ''correctly''#like I said. funny. they act exactly like her so no surprise they're madly in love with her/the idea of her iron fist ruling a continent #one that mind you she refers to as ''the world'' -gags-

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thevisjex · 2 years

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as soon as i finish this game and i can finally look at things related to it without spoilers it's over for. mostly me but all of y'all too

#visposting #im still talking abt mbn #fun fact for you: i am now in /two/ fandoms with 0 results on ao3 #i checked for mbn fics just now. zero results for the visual novel. but theres 26 for the 2002 movie of the same title !#which is completely unrelated.#and i SWEAR. TO. GOD. if i beat the game and look at the tumblr tag and theres nothing anyway im going to shit #like theres canon gay people in it. surely TUMBLR at least will know of it #if i have to do everything myself SO BE IT. IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEEEAAAAARS #can u tell im exhausted and half delirious.

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realbacchus · 5 months

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Going on a self discovery this year (accidentally keeping ao3 open and borrowing monster smut on a shared library card)

#i need yall to know that ive only opened ao3 like twice in the past decade because i wanted to know if a certain ship exists (it does)#and then i decided id aee what happens in the aft g fandom and there is a fic that is 477k words?????#hello that is longer than book 4 of sa??? hello?#crazy #and rhen i found an sa fic that like was bonkers to me. the implications.#and then completely unrelated i wanted to see what my library offered for romance out of curiosity #and i found the monster stuff so naturally i wanted to know! and anyway. i picked one with a ? poly? thing going on.#i am also torturing my roommate by reading everything OUTLOUD

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you-will-return · 1 year

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#been thinking a lot about life changing fics in fandom #(instead of doing my actual work #i've been sick since friday don't @ me)#anyways #and the bc fandom has so many that i just binge read and that then altered my brain chemistry #on the same level some older mychem fics did tbh #anywaves not naming names but some of y'all are incredible writers whose stories made my life significantly better in some way #also completely unrelated but booboo the bass guitar has been living in my head rent free for almost a year #literally think about it every time i start writing

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soupforsoup · 1 year

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I have decided to put foreshadowing of my own as yet unwritten au into my completely unrelated standalone whump fic

#I now understand the pain of fic writers #like the au is very canon divergent and yet #I was like yes I will reference my own thoughts in my completely unrelated in everything but fandom fic #great work everyone #ellie's empty brain talks

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ao3commentoftheday · 7 months

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I think previous anon talking about popularity is too harsh, but overall I agree with them. There were good reblogs, but a lot of them remind me of the time when I was very unpopular in fandom and people told me that I don't need to chase popularity. They weren't huge BNFs but still someone who can be called "well-known" in fandom. It felt like a rich person was telling me that money doesn't matter. They were poular for quite a long time so I think they just forgot how extremely discouraging it is to spend hours on a work and receive no feedback. When you feel sad and uninspired, there is no precious warm comments to reread and feel better about your art.

Also it's not like you only get hate and fandom wank when you are popular. I was in a huge wanky fandom. I barely got any likes but received hate comments regularly because my favourite character had a lot of haters. I am more popular now but I am in a different fandom and my corner of it is pretty chill. I get stupid comments sometimes, but nothing as hateful as a got in my previous fandom.

Overall from popularity I got a lot of encouragement, inspiration, ideas and connections. It's so amazing to see you art bringing joy to people you don't even know. It's so amazing to stumble upon a comment about you in fandom discord server. "Oh, there is this writer, I really love their world building". You post your concept for a character in AU and people reblog it with tags "HE LOOKS SO GOOD I WANT TO DEVOUR HIM". It's the best feeling. Sometimes when I feel sad for a reason completely unrelated to fandom I just open one of my popular posts/fic and read all these nice things people wrote about it. I feel better instantly.

From people "just talking about downsides of popularity" and discouraging me from seeking it I got a lot of insecurities about my art and myself as an artist, I still struggle with even in my thirties. I still feel like a fake creative person because The True Creative Person (tm) is happy without any feedback and even think that having a lot of feedback is too much of a bother. I still afraid of promoting myself because I feel like I will be labeled as a vain clout-chasing fake artist who doesn't really care about things they draw/write and only cares about popularity.

thank you for sharing a different perspective!

#asks and answers

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euphorickaeya · 1 year

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THE ALMIGHTY.

buwan’s notes : I’m alive but I’m dead LOL, i don’t think I’ll be posting much on this account, maybe some for a few months here and there but other than that, I’m barely active. I apologize to those who keep asking for updates but I no longer consider myself in the genshin fandom.

I would also want to apologize for this fic, this fic is somewhat cruel, and I don’t want to offend anyone, please do speak to me if it seems I’ve gone too far, but this is merely a more story-based fic than being a fic about the characters being shipped with the god!reader. I wanted to explore the idea of being denied your saving grace when your god is right there, and they know it. It sort of a revenge fic?? Errr idk how to explain HAHA ok enjoy 😭

summary : you refuse to be treated the way you were, when you descended on your lands.

CW : obsession, sagau in general, borderline abuse as a creator, revenge and angst (?).

[no ships, more reader-centric.]

[gender-neutral!creator!reader.]

song recommendation: babooshka - Kate Bush.

part 2

EDIT: I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE TAGLIST..

EDIT #2: SIKE I WROTE IT DOWN LOLS @emperatris-rinaka | @iyhmibyo | @nicebonescomrades

A cold wind blew over the lands of Liyue, the creator has blessed the ancient lands with their presence, being bombarded with the lavish gifts of forgiveness of the people of Liyue by your feet, as you sat at a public throne.

Your eyes held nothing but resentment and no remorse for those who ask for your blessings, even if they bring a sickly child by your feet, begging and crying for a single blessing for you to heal this sickly child placed on your feet.

You merely spare the family a glance, before staring at your acolyte, Zhongli stared at you with concern, unsure of the thoughts racing through your head.

You made your decision when you had shooed the family, a shocked look on their faces as the hold on their poor kid faltered, almost dropping the frail boy. You could merely scoff as the mother handed the kid to her husband as she ran to your feet, wailing.

“Your grace, please punish me for any wrong-doing my family has done, but please! Heal my boy! He’s done nothing wrong, he’s nothing but a boy!” The mother wailed into your robes.

You felt your face morph into disgust, your eyes swelling in anger, tears starting to form from annoyance and anger. “Don’t pity yourself under my feet, lady.” You spat, pushing the mother with your feet.

The crowds that came to revel in their creator’s stared in disbelief and silent horror as the lady sobbed loudly on your podium, and their god, you, doing nothing to comfort or even give a slice of remorse to the pitiful lady by your feet.

After a few minutes of your unrelenting emotionless gaze on her and her unstopping sobs as her husband held their boy from afar helplessly, the lady raised her head to look at you.

An anger in her eyes, betrayal, anguish met your cold, frozen eyes.

“You’re no god, you’re not our creator, you’re just a mere copy..” the lady whispered spitefully, looking at you with nothing but hatred for your embodiment.

For once, in a long time, you laughed, a smile on your face, not of happiness, but of mockery, a scoffing, bashful smile.

“I’m no god? I’m a mere, copy?” You scoffed at the lady, your eyebrows raised in a mocking way, you stood from your throne, even after being able to sit on the golden seat, it still felt like it stung you, like silver does to a vampire.

It burned and stung, but it did nothing but fuel you even more. “Is this what has come of my empire? Of my beloved world?” You asked, walking slowly up to the lady who gravelled and clutched the hot concrete under her palms.

“If I had known my own children would dictate who I am, I would’ve destroyed this world to bits.” You threw that sentence out recklessly, seeing your acolytes stiffen quickly from your peripheral vision. You couldn’t help but grin at their uncomfortable faces.

“You, a mere lady, who lives on nothing but scraps, gets to tell me, a creator, a celestial being, who I am?” You snarled, your spear appearing to intimidate those who dare to anger you so.

“You’ve got some nerve, you all do!” You pointed to the crowds, who flinched and screamed in fear as you pointed with your spear, the metal shining against the sun.

Your acolytes could only wish that the sun could’ve given you it’s golden rays in a better situation, seeing as you flowed with unrelenting bravery and anger.

“I had to harm myself, to cut my flesh and show my blood, so that I wouldn’t die in this mortal form!” You screamed into the crowd, no longer holding the annoyance and disgust you held for this world.

“If I were a mere mortal with my face, you would’ve called them an imposter, burn them at the stake, like you’ve done with me!” Zhongli could only watch helplessly as your struck fear into his people, unable to stop you, for his loyalty refuses to let him move.

“You’re no people of mine, this world is obsessed with the idea of me, not my being as your creator!” The lady no longer glared at your with angry, but with disdain and anxiousness.

“I refuse to be dictated and be a holy grail for this shitty fucking world. Your people don’t deserve to be blessed with my presence nor my help.” Zhongli’s eyes could only widen, glancing at Ningguang, who was hyperventilating, watching you as you threw your spear away, it dissipating into particles.

“so suffer, suffer as I have, hope that there’s another god who’ll give you the forgiveness I will never give you.” You scoffed, you looked at the father who held his son with a life-threading grip.

Looking at you, his eyes holding a flickering flame of hope, that under all your anger, you would find the kindness to give them the mercy they’re desperately grasping at.

But you merely turned away from him, watching from your peripheral vision as the flame in his eyes extinguished, before his eyes filled, refusing to look away from your retreating figure.

“Zhongli, I want to end my appearance here and now.” You refused to look at the archon that stood by your throne as you walked past. Soon after a while, you had walked into the Liyue palace doors, finally out of public eye.

That is when Zhongli finally moves. Although being the most powerful archon, his knees buckled like that of a weak mortal, the pain and fear of his people weighing down his back.

But how can he save them? not when he knows he’s one of the many people who’s fueled this despicable behaviour in their god.

Their god who was so reverent and kind, only corrupted by it’s own creation.

#genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau #sagau #genshin self aware au #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #yandere genshin #euphoric~works #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin impact self-aware #genshin cult au #genshin x gender neutral reader #yandere genshin x reader

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danaewrites · 10 months

Text

you with the dark curls (you with the watercolor eyes)

part i: and while you were asleep, i was surely awake

james potter x reader // read it on AO3

word count: 2.8k

summary: “Falling in love with your best friend was never a good idea, but you’d managed to do the idiot thing anyway, carrying a torch for a boy who would never look past Lily’s emerald eyes to see the watercolor ones that had always been by his side.”

tags: best friends to lovers, angst with a happy ending, based on the song "dear arkansas daughter" by lady lamb, fem!reader

author's notes: hii y'all, sorry for not posting in a year :P my only excuse is that i didn't feel like taking the energy to actually write out my story ideas. also perfectionism. anyway i somehow wrote this in two hours while procrastinating my college app essays and have plans to make this a multi-chapter fic despite intending to write an angsty oneshot request for a completely different fandom (i see you, beloved anons, and i raise you this completely unrelated fic <3)… the brain of a writer works in mysterious ways.

read it all here: part i, part ii, part iii (coming soon!)

You were in love with James Potter.

It was a fact of life, just like how the sky was blue, or that his favorite dessert was treacle tart, or that you were the only person he’d ever let see him cry besides his mother. You’d loved him from the moment you met him on the train to Hogwarts as a shy, anxious muggleborn unsure of the new world of magic and prejudice you’d been thrown into without so much as a warning. He hadn’t cared at all about your blood status- didn’t even think to ask about it. He had launched himself into your compartment and began talking at you a mile a minute, beaming with every tooth showing once he found out you were hoping to get into Gryffindor, his hazel eyes alight with the joy of making a new friend. And friends indeed you had become; you were proud to remember that you’d known him before Sirius or Remus or Peter did, though it took only an instant after the Sorting for him to become best mates with the rest of them, too.

You and James were inseparable from that moment on, giggling at Professor Binns’ failure to notice Sirius’ antics in the back of class and reassuring each other when home seemed too far away for comfort. He stole sweets from the Slytherin table for you at meals, and you covered for him when the teachers almost caught him pranking Snape– after all, who would believe that sweet, innocent Y/n would ever be involved in such shenanigans? The soft-spoken demeanor and love of everything pastel you’d thought would eventually oust you from the close-knit Gryffindor boys’ group proved to be quite the useful asset when affirming their ‘innocence’.

Not that they only wanted you around because you were helpful, of course. You had quite the talent for exaggerating stories until even Sirius fell off his seat laughing in disbelief, and your creative mind made for some glorious pranks and entertaining mistakes. Peter would blush for an hour straight if anyone mentioned The Great Plum Pudding Incident of Christmas 1974, all thanks to your clever meddling. And Remus– well, he was eternally grateful for your mother-henning during the worst of his moon cycles. You’d been the first to figure out his “furry little problem”, and upon learning that enjoying chocolate was his favorite method of escapism, showed up every month without fail with an armful of Honeydukes sweets. The little ways in which you loved each Marauder meant the world to them. They would do anything to protect you and make sure you were okay, James most of all. You often teased James that he was more bodyguard than friend, with his deep glares at too-forward Hufflepuff boys masking the big softie you knew he was underneath. You remembered fondly the summer days he spent chasing you around your house, scaring your mother half to death with his colander-and-pot ‘armor’ as he declared that as a chivalrous knight, he was meant to save Princess Y/n from the terrible Acromantula King. Privately, you thought James had a few too many Arthurian legends for bedtime stories as a child, but what could you do?

Even now, as sixth years, the bond between you and James never changed, your love for him ever-growing. Your heart melted every time you glanced over your shoulder in the hallway, only to find him chatting softly with a sniffling first-year and guiding them to Professor Sprout’s office for a hot cuppa and a biscuit. You cheered at his Quidditch victories and were euphorically lifted up onto his broad shoulders afterward, whooping as he galavanted through the common room in celebration. You were there when he needed a shoulder to cry on when his grandfather died, softly stroking his hair as he fell asleep in your lap with tear tracks still running down his face. And he adored you in return– braiding your hair while you worked on Herbology essays, racing you on his beloved broom when you stayed with him during the summer, distracting you from your rants about Slughorn’s unfair grading with a trip to the kitchens and a blissfully soft blanket.

James was your lifeline and you his– and nothing in the world could change that.

Except, perhaps, one tiny little complication. A complication with vibrant red hair, sparkling green eyes, and a natural affinity for Potions. A complication that had sparked your jealousy since the first time you noticed James glancing dreamily at Lily Evans in second year Transfiguration, jealousy that had only gotten worse with his grand declarations of love every week. He’d begun to announce his affection for the muggleborn to anyone who would listen in third year, and it didn’t stop there. No, when James Potter loved someone, he loved hard, and that meant that you had to watch as beautiful bouquets appeared on Lily’s nightstand nightly while the rest of the girls in your dorm whispered and swooned. You were a wallflower when he sighed about how lovely her skin was and how bloody talented she was at everything she did during one of your late-night chats in the common room, curling in on yourself with every word he spoke. When he asked her to Hogsmeade the first time (and the second, and the third, and the fiftieth), you observed as she rolled her eyes and shoved past him, despite the small smile on her face.

It wasn’t that Lily wasn’t smart or pretty or talented– far from it. She deserved every good Potions grade she got, and even the pureblood Slytherins begrudgingly noted how she was the darling of Hogwarts society. But you thought that the way she treated your best friend, refusing his advances quite harshly but sending him flirtatious glances and making a show of wearing his flowers in her hair, was rather unkind and misleading. She had James wrapped around her little finger and didn’t seem to want to let go of his attention anytime soon, despite Snape’s protests about how much time he was spending with her. You disliked Severus, but didn’t think he deserved Lily’s bad treatment either. Sometimes you’d see him staring at James and Lily deep in conversation, and shoot him a glance of communal disappointment– before realizing who you were sharing the moment with and resuming an expression of disgust, at least.

At first, you ignored your growing angst about his new obsession, chalking it up to sleep deprivation, stress over your upcoming exams, and even your monthly. But when you started to run out of excuses for the despair slowly overtaking your heart and flashes of his dark curls began to appear in your sweetest dreams, you were forced to admit that your feelings for James ran much deeper than a platonic friendship. From the way he spun you around in the snow to the way he snorted at Remus’ awful puns, you were head-over-heels smitten with your best friend.

The way he’d filled out since the end of fourth year hadn’t escaped your notice, either; you were pretty sure that his pecs should be considered a traffic hazard, with the way you’d fallen flat on your face after seeing him shirtless after a match. He’d rushed over to clean up every one of your injuries, of course, with a touch so gentle it released a whole menagerie of butterflies in your stomach. You’d barely managed to mumble a coherent thank-you before sprinting to take a very cold shower and scream into your pillow with embarrassment. How on earth did Lily Evans even think around him?!

Alas, you’d read your fair share of romance novels, and you knew how this story would end. Falling in love with your best friend was never a good idea, but you’d managed to do the idiot thing anyway, carrying a torch for a boy who would never look past Lily’s emerald eyes to see the watercolor ones that had always been by his side.

That was the state Sirius found you in, broody and lost in thought in a quiet corner of the library. He grinned rakishly, planting a well-polished boot on a nearby chair and leaning over to tap your forehead. “Lots going on in there today, huh?”

You snapped out of your daze and smiled sheepishly up at him. “Sorry, Siri, didn’t mean to ignore you. Just, er, thinking about my Potions essay, do you know how many uses there are for mandelwort? Quite fascinating plants, hones–”

Sirius winced and slid back far across the table. “Oh, no, you are not discussing horrid Potions work with me today when there are so many other wonderful topics.” He gestured to a table of swooning fifth-years gazing dreamily at his backside. “For example, those lovely ladies,” he crooned, sending an exaggerated wink towards them and smirking when they sighed.

You wrinkled your nose and scoffed. “Oh, please, as if I haven’t heard enough about your conquests already. I’m already scarred for life from your stories about that Belgium Veela, let alone the muggle sailor you nearly broke the Statute of Secrecy for.”

He waved a hand, dismissing your allegations of the mental injury caused by his excruciating attention to sordid detail when slightly tipsy in the common room. You made a mental note to charm his shampoo to turn his hair bright lavender for the next week for that little snub. Although, being Sirius, he’d probably just use it as an excuse to sway the rest of the Hogwarts population into going to Hogsmeade with him. “Ah, but darling Y/n, that’s what I’m here for!” He furrowed his brow and stroked his chin in mock consideration. “However, I can’t seem to recall a time when you–” here he poked you in the cheek for emphasis– “confessed to a little tete-a-tete in the hallway. Ever. Which means we have a problem,” he grinned.

You felt rather like prey being hunted for sport. “That would be because I’m not interested in anyone, you dolt!” Crossing your arms, you turned your face back towards your homework. Maybe if you denied romantic interest for long enough, Sirius would leave you alone and go flounce off to flirt with the noisy table of fourth years. “Anyway, I heard Marlene’s been circling Dorcas like a lovesick pigeon lately, so perhaps you should be putting your matchmaking efforts to her benefit instead.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “C’mon doll, I know you weren’t actually thinking about Potions when I arrived. Who’s the lead actor in those fantasies, mm?” He snatched up your favorite pink gel pen, twirling around his fingers as he looked at you expectantly.

Drat. He wouldn’t be so easily distracted with the latest gossip. You opened your mouth to protest yet again when you caught a flash of red over Sirius’ artfully tousled locks. You watched as James strode up to the alcove where Lily and her friends were studying, transfigured a sheet of parchment into a butterfly clip and held it out to her with a grin. Her laughter pealed out through the library as she let him lean over her shoulder to place it in her hair. He seemed oblivious to the titters of the girls around him while he gazed at Lily adoringly. You felt your heart clench as you recognized the expression on his face; you’d seen it on your own in the mirror after spending time with James, after all. And it seemed like maybe Lily was finally starting to be swayed into accepting his starry-eyed proposals, if the pretty blush on her cheeks was anything to go by.

Sirius tracked your despairing gaze to the couple and immediately paled in realization. “Oh, shit.”

Shit, indeed. Your face turned bright red as you scrambled to pack your bag and leave the area as fast as you possibly could, not sure how you could face Sirius knowing your deepest secret now. The boy had no self-control, fueling the Hogwarts gossip mill with the wild stories he overheard, and he had even less discretion when confessing things to his friends around the common room fire. It’s no wonder he wound up in Gryffindor, you thought miserably. There’s no way he’d be able to keep a secret like the rest of the Slytherins, and definitely not from James. It would only be a matter of time before he let it slip about your feelings to the rest of the Marauders, and— well, you’d just have to face losing your best friend for good once he heard.

Sirius broke your train of thought by wrapping his hands around yours, looking up at you with concern. “Hey, doll, wait— I didn’t know—“

You sniffed and wiped the tears threatening to fall from your eyes away fiercely. “That’s exactly it, Sirius, you didn’t know because you won’t be able to keep it from James.”

He looked guiltily down at the table. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit of a git with keeping things private lately, yeah?”

You nodded, covering your face with your hands. Sirius reached out, placing them back down on the table, and softly said, “Listen, I shouldn’t have pried so hard. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.” He broke off, pausing to scramble for a handkerchief from his bag to wipe off your rapidly disintegrating mascara. “And I promise not to breathe a word of this to James,” he finished.

You looked up at him, startled. “Are you serious?” At his answering grin, you groaned. “Don’t answer that. But really, are you sure that you’ll be able to resist telling him everything?” You fiddled with the now-soiled handkerchief and whispered, “You two are so close, I don’t want to drive you apart. If James thought you were hiding something important from him, it would destroy him,” you sniffed.

He frowned. “Doll, you know you’re just as important as James is to me, right?” At your answering slump, his jaw clenched and he continued on with more intensity. “You’re like my sister, Y/n, there’s nothing you could do to make me care for you less. Especially not asking for your privacy. Clearly, I haven’t been treating you as well as you deserve if you doubt that.”

He walked around and took a seat in the armchair next to you, pulling you in to lean on his shoulder. “And I can be discreet, you know. I might not show it often, but growing up in a family of the most intensely secretive purebloods ever to exist taught me a few things.” You glanced at him doubtfully, the tiny quirk of your mouth the only sign that you were joking. “Hey, I’m being serious!” He laughed, then quieted suddenly. “This thing with James— you really love him, don’t you?”

You gave him an exasperated look out of the corner of your eye. Sirius released a breath and gazed deeply into the space in front of him. “Hey, we’ll figure this out together, okay?” He poked you in the side. “If he’s too focused on the smell of Evans’ hair or whatever to see that he already has the perfect girl in front of him, he’s not as smart as you think he is.” You giggled slightly, his words warming you. Sirius smiled, happy to see you cheering up a bit.

“Why don’t we go raid the kitchens? The coolest person I know once told me that elf-crafted mint chocolate chip ice cream is the best way to heal a broken heart,” he teased. You groaned, remembering how you’d told him that as a last resort to get him to stop complaining about how he missed his sailor ex-boyfriend every time you two went to Hogsmeade. At least your random advice wound up benefiting you now, you thought as you collected the last of your stationery and exited the library.

Neither you nor Sirius saw how James watched you smile up at Sirius as you walked away, holding his arm and laughing loudly at something he muttered. Anna Dumotier, a Hufflepuff fifth-year and one of Lily’s friends, would remember later that night how he seemed to tune out Lily’s voice for a moment and stared at the doors to the library with a strange expression on his face. His brows were furrowed like he was trying to decipher the answer to an unfamiliar puzzle, his eyes widened with confusion and a glint of something she could only identify as jealousy before Lily brought him back to the conversation with a graceful flip of her hair. But no— she shook her head— that couldn’t be right. What could James possibly be jealous of when he finally had the girl of his dreams in his arms?

taglist: @magpiencrow @that-kid143 @lilly-aliyah @itmustbegreattobecalledtheitgirl

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read on: part ii

#james potter x reader #james potter x y/n #sirius black #bisexual sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #fem reader #best friends to lovers #friends to lovers #marauders #marauders x y/n #lily evans #harry potter #hp fandom

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