#conflict avoidance

[furiousgoldfish]

if anyone yells at me I will psychologically die immediately

#if yelling is happening i'm jumping ship i'm gone #cptsd #conflict #poor conflict skills #conflict avoidance

[britcision]

So lemme tell you a secret

Most people you meet in a day are at least a little conflict averse. Most people do not want to make a scene

People who know this and are not averse to making a scene can become fucking unstoppable, and many of them use this power for evil

You can stop them in their goddamn tracks about 55% of the time by doing your best impression of someone who is not conflict averse

If someone comes up to you and you have any feeling they wanna give you a bad time, do not greet them quietly

Greet them loudly, as loudly as they greet you if not a little louder

This tells them they can’t make you back down or give in on the threat of drawing attention; a good chunk of the time, they will not want attention themselves if you’re the one drawing it

You don’t need to be confrontational or aggressive; just turn, greet them as normal, and up the volume just enough to show you’re not hiding or scared of loud noises

(This does not need to be true so long as you fake it well)

Note: this is not a guarantee, but honestly if they were gonna give you a hard time and draw attention they were probably gonna do that anyway

Stay cool, stay polite, and don’t let them intimidate you into whispering to avoid creating a scene. If they wanna make a scene, let them play the villain

#social hacks #conflict avoidance #it solves so much if you just. don’t whisper #makes you seem much more powerful than you might be #ymmv #as always #but it works for me real good #the kind of person who starts an interaction thinking they can step on you tend to shut right up if you aren’t quiet #it’s like fake confidence #i’m like moderate conflict averse (never trouble for the service folks) but all my friends are SUPER conflict averse #so i have been dragooned into it #and yeah this saves a lot of time #just keep in your heart that if they say ‘or what’ or ‘what’ll you do about it’ #the correct answer is a blank look like they’re fucking insane and a gentle ‘judge you along with everyone else in this room’ #even if they misbehave 10/10 you are automatically the adult

[handmedownpocketpussy]

I hate to break it to you but if you avoid conflict to the point of ghosting people instead of seeing what's causing the vibes to be off, you're going to be very stressed out by all friendships

Not all friendships are rosy and humans will always fuck up. I work with a lot of young 20 somethings and I watch as their social lives implode over and over again because they just don't want to reach out or have any amount of conflict.

It's so hard on them and the fix is so simple (talk to the other person!) That im posting here in the hopes it helps someone else

Human brains love to build things up in isolation-- the only way to find out if your conspiracy theories about your friend are correct is interacting with them, sorry to break it to you

Im begging you to communicate and not over text it's hard and it's stressful but you gotta rip the bandaid off

You got this!

#relationship #relationship advice #conflict avoidance #just some bs

[transcendentalmaggot]

#conflict avoidance #codependency #trying to break free from my dawn/freeze responses #sigh #so many things left to say #so many necessary but upsetting conversations to be had

[posting-cringe]

being a pussy

it feels fucking bad!

talking to her; tamping down on my emotions; qualifying and caveating and contextualizing everything i say to death until it's just a bath of warm milk, mushy soggy shit, fucking quavering pusillanimous bullshit!

well, other people i know say this --- when i'm in this situation i feel this --- here's why i think this, here's the way i feel when i see other people saying it -

shut the fuck up you stupid fucking piece of shit! NO ONE FUCKING CARES! That's the way that you fucking build trust with someone who's fucking already open to it! With someone who's skeptical all you're fucking doing is making yourself seem like a stupid fucking quivering jelly-backed piece of shit, a fucking shitstain you stupid swine!

OK! I feel a lot of rage and contempt at myself for acting this way!

I must feel a lot of rage and contempt at the woman in my life who fucking trained me to act this way!!

I'm also just frustrated and tired of being a pussy. in my work relationships! In my currently abortive writing ambitions! Asking people for money! Asking friends for favors! Simply showing up in the world; i'm usually pre-emptively apologizing. this shit goes so, so fucking deep, and it is absolutely fucking up my life and keeping me miserable.

a moment of compassion for myself earlier; and tying it to therapy this week. one mode; cold, rigid, callous/un-compassionate; incapable of understanding itself as vulnerable; and then the other - tight tight packed; terrified of the other person and trying to pre-empt; to describe their emotions to them before they can object; to make it clear that i know where they're coming from. i'm not fucking listening!! it never fucking works! people still get mad!!

but - right - i learned this somewhere; it served me sometime; even if i don't remember it -- this was something that kept me emotionally safer than the alternative, which is to get angry and also be exposed to someone else's rage at me. and something in me does quaver and quail and wails and cries and turns in on itself; it accepts someone else's rage - at me, or not - as unequivocally true; it internalizes it and turns it back on me.

i learned it somewhere and i want to shed this shell.

#conflict avoidance #anger

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Merry Christmas and happy Holiday. I have a very bad flaw and it really bothers me. I'm bad at confrontation. I can't confront people to defend my or my loved ones' rights. So I try to avoid the situations that may lead to confrontations or fights. It got obvious to me in early adulthood, or maybe I'm just imagining it or obsessing about it.

Some examples would be; Not being able to defend my idea well in a meeting, and not mentioning when someone else's idea seems flawed. So I'm terrible at selling my ideas or convincing people unless I feel safe.

And I avoid situations that may result in fights or confrontation. I avoid driving on crowded streets for the fear of road rage, accidents, having to face angry drivers or having to defend myself or others who are with me in case of a car accident if we get hit by a car.

Or, if someone causes trouble or catcalls on the street, or starts a road rage, I would be hesitant to interfere and help my loved ones. I would be like, Should I let them defend themselves or should I interfere and stay on their side? What if I'm over-reacting? What would another person do if they where in my place? What if it's socially not my business? Does the gender of my loved one or the other person fighting matter? What if they yell at me and I burst into tears which would be very embarrassing. What if it gets dangerous or turns into a physical fight?

I really hate this about myself and feel useless because of it. I wish I were more assertive, aggressive, confrontational and brave. I wish I could be more protective of myself and my loved ones, but I'm really avoidant and careful all the time. I wish I could spend less time in my head ruminating each social situation, confrontation, possibilities, reaction or fight. I want to get better, but I don't know where and how to start. I don't know what caused it. I had a rough childhood for sure, but this problem got worse or at least got obvious to myself since early-to-mid adulthood.

I get jealous of people who are not afraid of people yelling at them, fighting them or insulting them, The people who stand their ground and also defend their friends and loved ones with confidence, and The people who don't get shot down and can defend their ideas and get into arguments easily. When I hear about some situations people have gotten into, I know instantly that I wouldn't be able to make it if it was me.

What Am I doing (or not doing) wrong? How come others can do it but I can't? Why is such a thing not a big deal to other people? Why do I have to struggle with this? Is this problem due to not having Se or Te within my functions? Can I get rid of it? How can I develop a thick skin and strength? And how can I weaken my crying reflex and my memory in order to control myself and not make a big deal of each awkward situation, confrontation, fight or scary possibilities? Also, how can I develop the intuition to know where I have to interfere and play defense, and when I have to stay quiet or back off?

------------------

There are several issues that could be at play:

1) Lack of Self-Awareness (of a deeper psychological issue): It sounds like the main factor preventing you from being assertive is fear, which is an emotional issue that you need to address. You're very good at imagining what could go wrong, but it seems you rarely devote energy to purposefully visualizing neutral/positive outcomes. This indicates a pessimistic cognitive bias.

To be fair, there are indeed situations in which you should be fearful. For example, offending the wrong person at work can affect your professional advancement, or offending the wrong person on the street could land you in a dangerous altercation. However, when you have a pessimistic cognitive bias, your assessment of situations isn't objective, and the threat/danger you feel isn't proportional to the reality of the situation. This is one common contributing factor to anxiety issues or social anxiety. It often arises from unconscious faulty beliefs about the world being more dangerous than it actually is. Perhaps you should work with a cognitive-behavioral therapist to address this cognitive bias.

For the sake of self-reflection, set aside the most extreme situations, such as those in which you'd have a lot to lose financially or situations where you'd risk your life. These extreme situations are challenging for most reasonable people, so they are not the right ones to use for learning about yourself. To get to the bottom of your fear, start small with realistic mundane social interactions you've experienced and inquire into your thought process during them.

For example, if you were socializing among a group of acquaintances and one person insulted a good friend of yours (not knowing of your close friendship), could you speak up on your friend's behalf? It's not a life-or-death situation, but do you still react emotionally as if it were? If there were zero chance of physical violence, could you stand your ground if the interaction got heated and people started shouting? If not, why? Because you'd get emotional and start to cry? And what would be so bad about that? Because you'd get judged negatively? And what would be so bad about that...?

Just like this, ask yourself deeper and deeper questions about what you're really afraid of. In other words: What is at the very root of your fear? Answering this question helps reveal the underlying cause of the problem, which would go a long way to figuring out a solution. If you find this kind of self-reflection difficult, work with a therapist.

2) Function Development Issues: Reflect on your function development problems (e.g. what they are, how they arose and why, and what impediments you're currently dealing with). You mention no Se or Te, so your stack includes Si Ne Ti Fe, leaving four possible types, of which, ISFJ would best match the conflict avoidance patterns you describe. If you are ISFJ, trying to develop intuition wouldn't be the right answer. If you don't tell me your type, I can't talk about function development, because it is important to develop functions in the correct order.

Generally speaking, all of the extraverted functions (not just Se or Te) have great potential in helping people handle social situations well, especially Fe because it is made for social judgment. If lack of extraverted development is a problem, reflect on why you haven't done more throughout your life in that regard. Is Ne or Fe higher in your stack? How could the function be successfully applied to conflict management and why haven't you used it that way? Consult the Type Dev Guide about how to develop the function properly.

3) Knowledge and Skill Deficits: You could also work directly on certain social skills such as: difficult communication, conflict resolution, boundary setting, emotional intelligence, and assertiveness - consult past posts as well as the books I've recommended on the resources page. Studying these skills properly gives you a blueprint/procedure to rely on in tough situations. Practice the skills, starting in small situations, and work your way up to bigger and bigger situations. This should help you improve incrementally and build confidence over time. Self-confidence is one healthy way to counter anxiety.

#assertiveness #conflict #conflict avoidance #boundaries #communication #anxiety #social anxiety #social skills #pessimism #ask

[clatterbane]

Feeling like sort of a jerk, because I was just in here stashing a box with one last chocolate ball in a drawer where I wouldn't expect Mr. C to go looking for it. 😒

In my defense, I have only eaten 3 of the things out of a big pack of 15 so far, and have serious doubts that the last one would still be there when I get up tomorrow if the box stayed put. Could probably leave a "PLEASE DO NOT EAT" note on it, but that actually sounds more obnoxious than just moving it.

#personal #conflict avoidance #to a fault sometimes #ha

[musingsofabooklover]

ok so i understand conflict avoidance is bad, i saw that post going around. but how do i actually stop being conflict avoidant. i am trying hard and been making sure to try and set boundaries with people the last few years and bring up problems early on. so i can bring up issues now by talking calmly and hoping the other person will talk calmly and i don't bottle things up like i used to. but like even though i understand people have the right to argue and fall out with each other, whenever 2 people i like have a minor disagreement that's nothing to do with me, i immediately start lowkey panicking that they will fall out with each other permanently, 1 or both of them will leave the social circle forever, and somehow it will all be my fault for not. idk. psychically anticipating the conflict and saying something de-escalating before it even got started like yeah i understand this is an anxiety-driven way of looking at things, i have anxiety xD but pls how do i actually stop wanting to run away any time i'm in the same room as conflict xD

#social anxiety #conflict avoidance

[fangirl-nadir]

Me: hey, what do people think of this idea?

Literally one person: Eh, it's not for me but here's how you could improve it!

Me: I have failed as a human being and everyone hates me

#Idk why I'm so bad with even the slightest amount of conflict #but God #it's annoying sometimes #People are allowed to disagree with me and they almost always do it in a very supportive way #so WHY does my anxiety decide to go nuts over it?? #anxiety #conflict avoidance #autism #neurodivergent #vent

[andymattergames]

Ah the slightest bit of pushback or confrontation, just the thing I need to mentally check out for the rest of the day. See ya space cowboy, I’ll be back at 9:00 am tomorrow. ✌️

#autism #conflict avoidance #brain shutdown #adhd

[carolinaenindiana]

I'm a very observant person. So if you think I didn't notice, I did... I just decided to keep quiet and avoid drama.

#Observant #Attention to Detail #Perception #Awareness #Keen Observation #Silent Observer #Avoiding Drama #Keeping Quiet #Insightful #Understanding #Mindful Silence #Noticing Details #Preferring Peace #Conflict Avoidance #Discretion #Evansville #Indiana

[ass-sassafras]

This is number 2. I'm sitting here watching the chicken in the oven drinking Eggnog with rum instead of telling him he needs to move out.

He's in the living room watching dumb shit on my TV while he sits on my couch. Later he'll eat my food that I made in my kitchen using ingredients that I bought. I'm starting to fucking hate him. Get a fucking job and gtfo off my house.

#relationships #conflictresolution #conflict avoidance

[trashandwriting]

Crazy how two years ago I was judging people who would not hold themselves and their needs back in order to keep the peace and now therapy thought me that this is exactly what caused my depression

#depression #mental health #mental health issues #peace keepers #peaceful #peacekeepers #conflict avoidance

[3000-beesinatrenchcoat]

Have you ever seen those bitches that are so scared of conflict they turn their TV down to an infinitesimal volume and use subtitles instead. They are so neurotic, it's crazy!

It's me ... I'm bitches

#Anxiety #conflict avoidance #Jokes #its me im bitches

[bet-on-me-13]

Desperate Villain Danny AU

(this is a 17 yr old danny)

It started out slowly.

First, a few of Danny's less active Rouges stopped showing up at all. He didn't really notice, and just assumed that they had finally had their Fill of their Obsession for a while and would simmer down for a bit.

Then, some more of his Rouges stopped showing up. No big deal, but he is getting a little concerned for them. They had definitely not had their fill of their Obsessions yet, why did they stop?

Then, the worst started happen. All of his actual Ghost Friends start to disappear. Ember, Kitty, Johnny, even Amorpho, they all start to not show up at all in the Living World.

He goes looking for them in Realms, but he can't find any of them whatsoever. He tries asking around, but everybody else noticed the disappearances much earlier than him and began to hide away from whatever was taking all of the strong Ghosts. He can't find anybody, and the ones he does find won't tell him anything (or don't know themselves)

It takes weeks of searching, but eventually he gets his answer.

The GIW show up in Amity again after a period of absolutely no activity. They have stepped up their operations HARD. Advanced Ghost Hunting Equipment, Much more Competent Agents, and most worrying of all, they seem to know that Phantom is friends with Sam, Tucker, and Danny Fenton.

The GIW comes to his house for a Meeting with his parents, where he overhears them offering his parents a position in their Organization as Head Scientists. While there they also manage to plant Bugs in Danny's room somehow. Although he finds them quickly enough and destroys them.

And then, one night during dinner while his parents are ranting about the GIWs Labs, they mention something that cinches it for Danny.

"And today we even got to Dissect one of the Spooks! It was that Mind Controlly one, you know the one with the blue firey hair stuff that sang a bunch! We're going back tomorrow to continue our Study, this time we'll see how long it'll pretend to experience pain before it decides to give up on tricking us!"

That night, Danny packed up all his things, destroyed the Ghost Portal alongside everything else in his parents Lab, and left his house.

He tracked down the GIW Base, saved Ember from her Cell, and decimated the surrounding Area. No survivors, none of the research is preserved, and he left the Site Director alive to question him.

Turns out, the GIW had managed to Reverse Engineer the Ghost Portal from that brief period of time where they had taken control of Fenton Works. They had been using their own Portal to kidnap any Ghost they could get their hands on. Using the research from those subjects, they perfected their Ghost Hunting Tech and started going after the bigger fish.

"But good luck finding it, Ecto Scum! The Portals location was hidden to everybody, even me!" He said.

"Where are the others!" Danny cried. He was losing control of his appearance by this point. After seeing what they had done to Ember, he was too angry to maintain his Humanoid Form successfully. Even now, with most of his control, he could hear the Static in the air around him, and see the Glitching of his hands as they clenched this Monsters clothes.

"Scattered!" He said with a crazed laugh, "We knew we couldn't contain all of them, so we send them to all of our sites across the Country! You'll never find them!"

Without another word, Danny plowed his arm through the man's chest.

He turned around, picking up Embers weakened Body, before beginning his long flight to Wisconsin. Vlad still owed him a few Favors after all, and honestly his mentorship offers seemed VERY Tempting right now.

(Why reject him if you don't care about keeping your dad alive anymore?)

...

The JLA had recently received a distress signal from somewhere in the middle of some random Forest in Illinois, but when they got to the location, all they found was a crater filled with the ruins of some kind of Military Base, and so so many Bodies.

They had managed to figure out that this was a Government Site owned by an organization called the GIW. A Paranormal Investigation Wing of the Government focused on the study and capture of Supernatural Beings called Ecto-Entities, otherwise referred to as Ghosts.

As it turns out, an Ecto-Entity that had been terrorizing the local town for a few years now had made a drastic change in normal behavior and had attacked the GIW Base that had been posted there.

They would have destroyed it years ago, but this one was unnaturally powerful. It had eluded their capture and terrorized the Town for years, but they had too much pride to contact the JLA and admit that they needed help. And honestly until now, they didn't really need it. The Entity had been entirely confined to the singular town, and had not strayed from that behavioral Pattern in the 3 years since it's inital sighting. They had made the difficult choice to leave it there, sacrificing one town in exchange for the rest of the country.

But now they did need their help. This Entity, this Phantom, was one of the most powerful beings that had ever recorded, maybe even The Most Powerful. The fact that it had left the Secluded town it usually frequented meant that it was loose to wreak havoc across the rest of the world.

The JLA Needed to Find this thing, and Fast.

#Dp x dc #Dpxdc #Dc #Dcu #Danny Phantom #Villain Danny Phantom #Morally Grey Danny Phantom #He doesn't care about killing GIW agents #He'll still avoid Civilians though #Danny accepts Vlads offer #He doesn't care anymore cause he has no reason to refuse #He doesn't care about being evil #He doesn't care if his dad dies #And Ellie once told him that she still held some love for vlad so that's not really too big a conflict of interest #Speaking of Ellie... #He hasn't seen her in a while... #🤫 #Foreshadowing??? #Hmmm

[haro25]

Is it conflict avoidance, or am I keeping the peace?

Is it conflict avoidance, or am I keeping the peace?

Photo by Maria Gulyaeva on Pexels.com I realized something about myself, there are certain movies that I watch with my hand on the control so that a certain point I can stop the show…  Why? Because I love happy endings, I have lived through unhappy ones and hate watching a relationship, disintegrate in front of me, just can’t do it. That probably sounds ridiculous to you; just let me by with…

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#arguing #conflict avoidance #god #happy endings #holiness #intitlement #liars #manipulators #peace #rudeness #sad