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81folklore · 7 months

Text

older - CL16

pairings: charles leclerc x male!singer!reader (fc: luke hemmings)

summary: singer yn ln releases a love song with his boyfriend, and the public are not prepared for who it is about

authors note: this has been on my mind for SO LONG. i honestly dont like how many fics ive been doing on the same people (charles, lando etc) but whenever i go to start a new one on my list for someone else i think of something that i have to do😭 also in this reader is not a part of 5sos but close friends with the 3, wfttwtaf is readers album and older is exclusivly the readers song

authors note 2: i wanted to quickly clarify i am NOT speculating that charles or luke are gay/queer and this is not my intentions. luke obviously sings older and i find it easier to visualise it this way, while the reader in this is male, this could also be read as gn!reader. this is FICTION please do not tkae this as me speculating anything

authors note 3: i didnt really know what i was doing with this so its kind of all over the place and very rushed :/ but then again when arent my smau all over the place?? also can you tell i hate writing comments by the way i just dont😭

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we started this song together back in 2020 and picked it back up at the end of 2022

'Older' was originally a voice memo of a 50’s-style love song that we wrote together, then forgot about. when thinking of concepts for my debut album i stumbled across the memo and fell in love with it all over again, but i put it aside yet again as to me, it deserved more than the album

the song has changed a lot from the original voice memo, but the meaning has stayed the same throughout. despite all the beauty, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship over many years, there’s inevitably going to be the worst moment of your love because one of you is going to lose each other

capturing those feelings in a song was tricky but ultimately we wrote from the heart and i think it shows in the song itself

this has always been a song between us, so having him play on this song was very importnt to me and im glad he said yes

older is now yours

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im very pleased to announce a very special one off show at the Royal Albert Hall in London this November 18th. I will be playing a bunch of tracks from my debut album and may be joined to play some others aswell! Tickets on sale this monday at 10 am BST. Lots of love always, yn x

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liked by 5sos, charles_leclerc and 2,719,936 others

thank you for an incredible night at the royal albert hall

looking back at the best night of my life, i need to thank each and every one of you who allowed this dream to come true, i will never be able to thank you guys enough

performing in my dream venue, with my favorite people in the world was something i never thought was possible and yet here i am, writing this still on my high from last night

thank you to my friends; michael, ashton and calum who took the time to come to london and perform their songs with me, thank you for always loving me and agreeing to my crazy ideas

to my team and everyone who worked to make this night as special as it could be, thank you. thank you for making my htoughts a reality and making this night as wonderful as possible

thank you to the staff who worked throughout the show to make sure everyone was safe, well and looked after. you truly do not get as much credit as you deserve and i apreciate the hard work you put in to keep everyone happy

thank you to those who joined me, i wish each and every one of you who wanted to could have been there. thank you for singing along and listening to me pour my heart and soul into my music

thank you for letting me do this x

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user55: not the pcd hitting already☹️

user1: and im supposed to pretend i didnt see yn and 5sos perform os/co??

user89: CHARLES?? YN IS DATING CHARLES??

user91: AND HE CAME ON STAGE?? AND THEY PERFORMED OLDER??

user50: i cant believe i saw this all happen live

user47: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS RUNING THE GRAINY LIVESTREAM I OWE YOU MY LIFE🧎🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

ashtonirwin: thank you for everything yn. youre a real life angel

user16: NO CHARLES MENTION??

user9: BESTIE HE HAS A WHOLE POST

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after having time to process this show, I feel so overcome with gratefulness. my music means so much to me and seeing so many people resonate with it in a live space was so special for me.

charlie, my life would literally fall apart without you and this would have never happened without you giving me the confidence to do so, i hold so much love and admiration for you

thank you for joining me on such a special night and performing our song with me, thank you for sticking with me through it all and thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you

i sometimes wonder where i would be if i didnt find you, if i wasnt blessed with your love. i try to think about the times before you, before us, but both feel impossible to do after feeling your love

life with you is so special and i promise to always cherish and love you

merci de m'avoir laissé vieillir avec toi, merci de m'avoir laissé t'adorer, merci de m'avoir choisi (thank you for letting me get old with you, thank you for letting me adore you, thank you for choosing me)

yn x

tagged: charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc: mon ange, je t'aimerai toujours (my angel, I will always love you)

charles_leclerc: je suis tellement privilégiée d'être celle que tu aimes🤍🤍 (I'm so privileged to be the one you love)

yourusername: vieillir avec toi ne semble pas si effrayant🖤🖤 (growing old with you doesn't seem so scary)

#f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 smau #f1 social media au #social media au #formula 1 insta au #formula 1 social media au #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc insta au #charles leclerc social media au #charles leclerc #formula one x reader #x male reader #f1 x male reader

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theygotbitchesinmedia · 22 days

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okay so here is her review: https://arkadymartine.wordpress.com/2015/09/27/the-traitor-baru-cormorant-a-reviewresponse/

admittedly its from 2015- i haven't poked around to see how she may have changed how she feels about it, and i know she did blurb seth's recent scifi novel (Exordia), so there's no bad blood there or anything. it's also a positive review, in general- she ends with this sentence: "I highly, highly recommend this book; I have not thought so much about something I read in a long time."

i am also coming into this as someone who has read all of seth dickinson's work for the game destiny, where he was near-singlehandedly responsible for a good oh… 80% of the interesting women (& overall interesting concepts lol!) in the game, and his writing of one of those characters in particular as a complex and flawed character got him bullied viciously off of all social media. if you've tried to find his social media presence and havent found anything, that's why. so i mayhaps have a little more emotion in the game.

THAT SAID. here are some specific parts from her review i find really fucking annoying! and color the way i feel about Memory & Desolation, despite them being so incredibly targeted at me as a classics person AND someone who fucking loves the specific sub-genre of scifi her novels are.

"[Traitor] asks a question which I find compelling as a student of an empire and as a queer woman. That question is: what do we gain by complicity? What do we – we barbaroi, we women, we queer people, we imperialized – what do we get when we say yes? When we say yes I will hide my true nature? When we say yes I will subsume myself into the beautiful machine? When we say can we speak English? Or the literature I love just happens to be written by straight white men – and mean it, too, mean it with the kind of depthless love that a person can have for a text that speaks to them, which holds up a mirror to them?"

i dont think the use of the greek word for barbarian does anything here (she also keeps coming back to the greek term orthos in her review, which also pisses me off lol), i dont think empire is a "beautiful machine," and i don't think the invocation of identity politics is useful. like. i know she's a byzantine scholar but if your first association with empire is purely a finite Historical Empire instead of, like, modern US imperialism, or British colonialism, you are going into this discussion with a certain set of values and opinions! a set of values and opinions that let you call an empire a "beautiful machine" in all earnestness. this claim probably seems unsubstantiated and nitpicky now just from this excerpt but ill come back to it with more i promise. on the idpol front, she also says immediately after this that she does believe that straight people can and should write queer people, but that they should listen to queer people when they point out those errors. she then continues:

"But then, critique: there are two points on which I think Dickinson’s portrayal of a queer protagonist has faltered, and I think both of these errors arise from the fact that he isn’t part of – as far as I know at the time of writing this review – a queer community. Firstly, I disbelieve Baru’s awareness of her own desires… …For the first portion of the book, her queerness felt more like a character trait assigned to her for reason of plot than a naturally built part of her as a person… Secondly, I wonder where queer people in Falcrest are…"

theres more to these excerpts, but. i personally didnt find the depiction of baru's desire to be unrealistic, and also this was a review of Traitor, specifically, so where on earth would baru have heard about queer people in falcrest? and more importantly, why should we care so much about queer people in the imperial core? moreover i think the way seth does it with svir is very very well done, and illustrates the hypocrisy of empire in a way that does NOT seem like what martine is asking for here!!!

"Why am I invested? I myself am a student of empire. I’m a Byzantinist. My academic work is about empire and its seductions; it is the animating principle of my professional life. And: I am myself someone who loves order over disorder. Who looks for systems in all things. Who is comforted by structures; who is concerned deeply with propriety. But here’s my real criticism of this book: I don’t buy the seduction of the Masquerade. And I think if this book fails, it’s there: in that its empire is too easily read as undesirable. As profane, unethical, fundamentally wrong. It is really overtly evil." … "The Masquerade isn’t civilized. It’s civilization, but I don’t recognize it as civilized, and this is a problem with a constructed empire. An empire relies on itself as the definition of civilization – I would footnote here Ann Leckie’s Imperial Radch as a SFnal example of an empire which is built on this principle, and which, for this reader at least, achieves the facsimile. (But then my ancestors were not enslaved, we were exterminated; not annexed, but exiled. Perhaps I like the Radch better than the Masquerade because I can find a place for myself in it, and cannot imagine a place within the Masquerade someone like me would ever be safe –)"

and THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE IS MY BIGGEST PROBLEM. critiquing the masquerade as not "seductive" enough, calling it too evil to have people join it- how does someone miss the point THIS badly??? like. are you FUCKING serious??? how do you read a book about the immense violence of colonialism and your problem is that it is boohoo too violent for people to join willingly. google literally fucking anything the US has done ever!!! and the invocation of the concept of "civilized" as an objective quality, despite the recognition that the empire constructs what counts as "civilization" is so fucking unserious/simplistic/juvenile! why do you need to imagine yourself a place in the empire? in the imperial core specifically!

and i think this particular approach bleeds into her books. i read them at Least 2 years ago, so this is mostly vibes-based, and i will avoid spoilers.

there is such a focus on the allure of the imperial core, on the "beautiful machine" of the empire as she calls it. there is violence done, but it is abstracted away from the wealth of the imperial core. there are no economics there. the empire sees her independent station as a backwater, and there is some cultural tensions there, but there is no realistic violence and exploitation! it is not clear at all what maintains the empire, besides some abstract idea of trade. i also don't know what her Point is with the naming & language conventions, which are very clearly inspired in part by ancient Mayan- e.g. the empire and core planet are called Teixcalaan. and idk this may be reductive of me but i think if you are going to pull features from civilizations that have been colonized and use them to inspire fictional colonizing forces, you ARE saying something there! idk! and like, the ancient Mayan

and on the ~representation~ front, i also don't think she does a better job than seth tbqh!!! i felt like the characters getting together came out of nowhere and felt anticlimactic- there is also not the tension i think there should be with the main character being an ambassador-ish and the love interest being… idr. junior intelligence officer iirc? idk! and for all her critique of baru's desire for women not feeling "real" or present enough, i do not remember the main character in Memory having any real focus on it!

i enjoyed Memory just fine, but i don't think it says anything interesting or novel or even critical about empire, and i found her review of Traitor extremely shallow and useless, if very revealing about her own outlook on empire lol!!!

this has been at best Minorly proofread and edited but im not like, writing an academic essay on the matter and so i apologize for any inconsistencies.

oh man thanks for this this is really interesting. i went and read the whole thing and i agree a ton with your critique. i'm going to stick my thoughts below the cut because i went on for a bit here, in typical fashion.

i personally didnt find the depiction of baru's desire to be unrealistic, and also this was a review of Traitor, specifically, so where on earth would baru have heard about queer people in falcrest? and more importantly, why should we care so much about queer people in the imperial core?

NO BUT EXACTLY... for starters this is explicitly a novel about colonized people taking place in a colony where none of the major characters are from the empire. where, when, and how would we take the time to explore what queerness looks like for them and more importantly, like you've asked, why the hell should that be a priority for the narrative in this case.

in terms of 'i found this to be an unrealistic depiction of queer desire' 9/10 times i feel like what that means is 'i found this to be an unrelatable depiction' which is an entirely different critique. i know i'm working with two additional books worth of context that martine isn't working with here. but even taking into account just the characterization we have for baru in traitor i think this is suuuuch an unfair complaint. i'm gonna pull the entire quote she says about baru's sexuality here because i have additional specific gripes with it.

Firstly, I disbelieve Baru’s awareness of her own desires. In the first portion of the book, I do not ever feel the weight of Baru’s own awareness of her sexuality; there is an absence of carnality, a kind of intellectual version of lesbian desire which is, to me, inconsistent with the sort of desire I expect. Not until the introduction of Baru’s eventual lover Tain Hu do I get a sense of Baru as a woman who loves women. Further, considering how very much the Empire of Masks and Increastic philosophy criminalizes the sin of queer desire, I wish Baru had struggled more with the nature of her desire. For the first portion of the book, her queerness felt more like a character trait assigned to her for reason of plot than a naturally built part of her as a person. This markedly improved in the second half, where Baru notices women in a way she does not notice men.

For starters, it is insanely hypocritical to me to complain that her desire both isn't carnal enough and she processes it too intellectually, but that she isn't struggling enough with it. Baru intellectually processes things! That's her entire character from the getgo! She also has a difficult time conceptualizing other people as fully realized beings with their own agency. These character traits paired together don't make for a particularly passionate and carnal relationship to her sexuality. She is also, at her absolute oldest in this book, 21! (Or 22? I can't remember. I know she spends 3 years in aurdwynn) and has spent her entire youth being groomed to be a scholar. Of course detached intellectualism is her primary way of navigating all things. Why wouldn't it be?

Baru primary motivation is to save taranoke, she wants to save the taranoki way of life, and part of that way of life includes an acceptance of nonhetero nonmonogamous relationships. Sure, a different character arc may have involved baru actually internalizing and then having to break free of the trappings of race, gender, and sexuality that the empire tries to impose upon its citizens. but that's not baru and acting like this is a writing flaw rather than a character choice is insane to me.

There's absolutely no reason for Baru to lie awake at night pontificating about how wrong and dirty of her it is to want to have sex with women because we are never lead to believe even for a minute that Baru puts any emotional weight in incrasticism. She doesn't conceptualize it as sinful she conceptualizes it as illegal!

And "Not until the introduction of Baru’s eventual lover Tain Hu do I get a sense of Baru as a woman who loves women. " is killing me in particular because like. Yeah. Tain Hu is baru's first love. thats the point. But beyond that this is just not being able to see anything other than what she's looking for because i think the chapters covering baru's childhood make it pretty clear that her feelings for aminata and cousin lao (im not double checking the name but im pretty sure it was this) are deep and strong. the fact that they're not as explicitly and straightforwardly romantic and sexual as her relationship with tain hu doesn't change that, and in fact, points to baru's struggle with/development of her sexuality that she claims was somehow missing in this book.

like i just simply can't see anything here but someone who is seeing an emotional landscape they can't relate to and assuming that means it's flawed writing. skill issue frankly.

She's also fucking insane for acting like the masquerade is too cartoonishly evil to be appealing. once again im going to post her full quote here because i think its important to see

its empire is too easily read as undesirable. As profane, unethical, fundamentally wrong. It is really overtly evil. It punishes sexual “deviants” with mutilation and death. It murders children callously. It inflicts plague and withholds vaccines. It lobotomizes its own emperors for the sake of convincing its populace that the emperor is just. Most of all, the Masquerade is a eugenicist empire: it is explicitly founded on not purity of bloodline but on purification of bloodline, on making people useful to it. It makes people: it breeds them carefully, it indoctrinates them through schools, it uses drugs and operant conditioning to transform their minds and make them into automata tools. It commits every atrocity that a modern Western reader recognizes as abhorrent. This is a problem. It is a problem because we are asked, as readers, to believe that there are reasons besides blackmail that a person would willingly become an agent of the Masquerade. We are asked to imagine that the Masquerade is a beautiful machine.

for starters. "It commits every atrocity that a modern Western reader recognizes as abhorrent." MODERN WESTERN EMPIRES DID, AND OCCASIONALLY STILL DO, MOST OF THESE THINGS!!! THIS IS US! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!! I FEEL INSANE!!!!

I think the book makes it more than explicitly clear why the empire is appealing??? it has all of the capital???? its building schools and sewage systems and importing food and goods and teaching reading and writing??? baru's own internal narrative often shows her own strife at the fact that the empire has made genuinely incredible scientific advancements that offer significant improvements in quality of life to many, many people. martine actually acknowledges this in the next paragraph of her review, and then brushes it away as not being good enough. why? what about that doesn't convince you?

she is seeming to hugely ignore the fact that in the case of aurdwynn specifically, the bureaucracy of the empire is coming in to unseat feudal aristocracy! what the masquerade offers may not be particularly tempting to most of that ruling class, but its economic opportunities are more then believably appealing to the common people. i think this is made pretty clear when baru's ploy to use the fiat bank to make loans to the aurdwynni people and basically lessen the massive tax burdens from the duchies wins her huge favor with the public.

and frankly even for the ruling class the potential economic benefits are massive too if you're willing to participate in the empire properly. yes the empire doesn't have Moral appeal. it doesn't fucking have to. it owns pretty much every economy outside of the oriati mbo. the fact that that's not enough for her is as you've pointed out really really showing her biases and blind spots. 'no reason besides blackmail' MONEY!!!! MONEY! IT'S MONEY! THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT ACCOUNTING! HOW DID YOU MISS THAT!!!

and the invocation of the concept of "civilized" as an objective quality, despite the recognition that the empire constructs what counts as "civilization" is so fucking unserious/simplistic/juvenile! why do you need to imagine yourself a place in the empire? in the imperial core specifically!

And this is really it for me too, yeah. It's gross. It's absolutely gross. "An empire isn't believably appealing unless I, personally, find it appealing" there are people alive who are eugenicists, who love community policing, who believe in race science. the masquerade is an empire for them. the thing about empires is that they are only actually empowering for an incredibly small subset of people, and the fact that You, Specifically, Arkady Martine can't imagine being one of those people in this instance doesn't make it not believable. This is a shatteringly individualist way of engaging with a work.

As for your points about the way she handles empire in her own book obviously i can't have anything to say there because i haven't read it yet, but i do absolutely agree with you on this bit:

and idk this may be reductive of me but i think if you are going to pull features from civilizations that have been colonized and use them to inspire fictional colonizing forces, you ARE saying something there! idk! and like, the ancient Mayan

1000% i don't think this is reductive of you. whether or not you're consciously saying anything is one question but it's a choice that absolutely doesn't exist in a vacuum. out of curiosity i googled her to see if she was of mayan descent or anything and maybe she chose that due to some personal ties to the subject matter but she doesn't seem to be. which of course i don't think means she can't or shouldn't draw any inspiration from there but i do think all of these sorts of choices are meaningful

i don't really have much to say here to round off a conclusion but. wow. deeply deeply telling review that does not particularly make me want to read anything she has written beyond this.

#long post #lb baru cormorant #ask

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nonexistent-introvert · 11 months

Text

Fondness

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word count: 1.9k

Content: fluff, idiots in love, some?jealousy, confessions.

A/N: I figured I have been writing too much angst so..fun fact: Buckley is an actual dog that can be found in the TLOU games so there you go.

SIDE NOTE: IM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW DOGS CANT EAT GRAPES 😓😭 MY BAD

“Can I ask you a question?” Joel was rubbing his neck, his eyes wandering the small diner that Jackson has managed to set up. “Spit it out already.” You answered, taking another bite of the pancakes on your plate. Joel covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes gauging you for a reaction that he himself didn’t know for what reason. He inhaled, forcing himself to blurt out the words before he just loses the courage to bring it up again.

“How do you know if you like someone?” You spluttered upon hearing his words. He instinctively pushed the latte you had ordered towards you. You glanced up at him as you took sips of your latte, wondering if Joel was serious. There was no hint of a smile or any form of humour that would have made his previous question seem like a joke. “Uh.. umm.” Your mind was blank, having absolutely zero answers. You furrowed your eyebrows at him, “You’re the one who was married.” You pointed out to him. Joel let out a breath that he didn't realize he was holding. “I just want an opinion.” You gave him a judgemental look, absent-mindedly cutting your pancakes into bite-sized portions. “Uh… I-” There were so many words but yet nothing seemed to make sense. It was embarrassing to admit that you practically had zero experiences when it comes to anything romantic. “I really don’t know what to say.” You admitted. “People tend to say things like you would just know. But I don’t think I ever experienced it.” You shrugged. How would you know something you never experienced, how would you meet someone and just think that they are a good fit for you? This concept never made sense to the logical part of you.

Joel’s shoulders deflated ever so slightly as he weighed your answer in his mind. A silence fell as Joel occupied himself with his thoughts while you focused on the food before you, giving yourself some time to ponder his question.

“I guess when you think of someone all the time. You search for them in crowds and subconsciously remember every detail about them.” You broke the silence. Joel looked at you, still mindlessly taking bites of your pancake. “Huh.” He merely grunted. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him. It was one of your greatest complaints about him, Joel wasn’t one for words, preferring to answer with random sounds instead of actual words. When you first met him through patrol you had thought he hated you because of that. Thought that he didn’t want anything to do with you until you brought up the issue with Tommy who reassured you that his stoic brother has always been like this.

“You’re so boring, Joel.” You sighed exasperatedly when he answered another one of your remarks with a hum. Those words finally seemed to snap him out of his daze. He merely blinked at you, an ignorant look on his face. He let out a small “What?”, taken aback at your sudden comment. “It’s a conversation, Joel! You’re supposed to engage in it not reply to me with sounds. I thought you hated me when we first met because of that.” You admitted it was probably his first time hearing about this. If Tommy didn’t tell him first. He let out a chuckle, “I am not boring.” He defended, he knows you well enough to know when you truly mean your insults. “I can literally predict your responses.” You challenged. He raised his eyebrows, “O-“ “Ok.” You finished his word for him. It was your turn to look smug, you looked at him and how he slowly realised that he had just proven your point.

“I guess I am boring. Sorry for that.” Joel admitted with a guilty smile. “I’ll- I’ll try not to.” He promised. You merely shook your head at him. “What brought about the sudden question? You have someone in mind?” Joel smirked, “if I do?” You shrugged at him, “You can spill it. Or you can just keep it to yourself. I don’t really care.”

A lie. Of course you cared.

Joel drummed his fingers against the surface of the table. He contemplated ordering another cup of coffee but he doubted it would help his nerves. “Well I can’t stop thinking of her. I search for her in crowds. I leave my house at 10am everyday when I don’t have patrol hoping i would catch a glance of her when she passes by my porch when she takes her morning walks.” You let out a sigh, “Joel, you were once married. I haven’t even caught feelings for anyone since I was 16 and even I can tell just based of your words that you’re head over heels.” You cut him off, maybe deep down you didn’t want to hear it. Joel laughed, “Since you were 16? That’s decades ago. Even before the world turned to shit.” “I didn’t have a life ok? Everyone just seemed so childish.. and well I had better things to do then pursue a relationship.” You kicked him under the table. He simply chuckled, “You're right. Those boys didn’t deserve you anyways.” You turned your gaze away from him as you felt your cheeks heat up. Joel may be laughing, but your words made his body tense ever so slightly. Reading between the lines, what if it really meant that you didn’t have romantic feelings for anyone up till now? Then was he a fool for wanting to put this friendship on the line because he got greedy?

“So are you going to tell me who it is… or are we just going to move on.” You pursued but still gave him enough space to back out. Joel hummed, intertwining his hands as he casually cracked his knuckles and stretched. Trying his best to act as nonchalant as possible.

“It’s-“

“Joel!” Both your eyes turned to the person who had just interrupted the most crucial point of the conversation. “Oh, Esther. Hey.” Joel greeted while you nodded at her in acknowledgment. Her hands immediately fell into his shoulders casually. You shuffled in your seat uncomfortably, searching the crowd in the diner for a reason to slip away.

“Thanks for last night. It’s been a while since-“ It was childish but you had forced yourself to stop eavesdropping by forcing an annoying tune into your head. It wasn’t your place to know what happened between them last night. Although you felt idiotic for not catching on earlier. Esther always carried a torch for Joel, you had only realised when you overhead people gossiping about them. You just never expected Joel to reciprocate her feelings.

You cleared your throat, “Here take a seat. I was just leaving anyways.” You quickly stood up and gestured to the seat and left before anyone else could say anything. You had to get out, had to give yourself time to process the information as you maneuver your way through the morning crowd.

“Sorry, another time alright?” Joel quickly excused himself from the table. Not caring how bad it looked from an outsider’s perspective. Joel ran out of the diner, running his hands through his hair as his eyes searched for you. When Joel spotted you again, he heaved a sigh of relief. You were sitting by Buckley’s side while leaning against a tree. Buckley is Jackson’s supposed guard dog but being the friendly cheerful dog he is, he never seemed quite suitable for that job. So instead, Buckley roams the streets of Jackson, entertaining the children and accompanying most of the residents. In return, he gets treats and pats.

“I wasn’t supposed to feel that way.. I was supposed to be happy for him and tease him after.” You ranted softly to Buckley who was laying his head in your lap. Buckley merely whimpered in response as you continued to slowly massage the spot behind his ears. “You plannin’ on replacing me with Buckley?” The sound of Joel’s voice made your face turn red ever so slightly, wondering if he heard your sorry rant to Buckley. “Aren’t you-um... With Esther?” You questioned. “I’m with you.” Joel’s gaze punctured right through you. “Why did you leave?” His gaze softened, his eyebrows furrowing into a frown. Buckley looked up at Joel, an exasperated look on his face. As though even he thought that Joel was an idiot.

“I just thought that you would rather..spend your time with her.” Joel scoffed. He stared at you his brown eyes carried a hint of disappointment at your response. He unfolded his arms from his chest.

“I don't know what I have to do for you to understand that…” Joel moved closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours. “I will choose you every time. It will always be you.” Your breath hitched in your throat. Joel and your relationship had always been complicated. Close friends were what you told most people, yet you turned up as his date on multiple occasions. You lived in the same house as him, in his spare room. The spare room he wanted to turn into his workshop but put off that idea because he hoped that you would continue staying with him. The both of you were practically partners in everything except when it comes to partners in a relationship.

Your eyes searched desperately for a hint of his emotions. Unsure if he meant what he’s saying to you in that specific way or was it just a passing comment. Joel sighed at your wandering eyes, he knew that you were trying to decipher if he meant it. He scratched the back of his neck, “Close friends?” He scoffed again at himself.

“I can never see you as just a friend because I see my future with you.” Joel cringed every so slightly at his own words. Did his words even make sense? Hell, he really should have taken the time to improve his literature if he knew he was going to pull some abstract philosophical sentence when he is confessing to you. You stared at him blankly, unsure of how to react despite knowing exactly how you felt for him. “I- I just mean- I want to be with you forever, I want to be with you till the end of time, till our hair turns white, and when I finally can laugh at your white hair as retribution for how you always tease me for mine.” Joel rambled, he knew he was. His heart lightened when he heard the sound of your chuckle at his last comment.

“I would like to too.” You admitted, a blush tinting your cheeks.

Joel doubted he had ever pulled someone into his arms in such record timing before. In a split second, before your mind could even comprehend it, his arms were on your hips and his lips were on yours. It felt like the beginning of a new chapter.

—---------------------------------------------------------

“Goddamn boy..” Tommy stood from a distance, watching everything unfold. His hands ruffled through the fur on Buckley’s head. Buckley had run into the stables that Tommy was in and dragged him here. Just in time for him to witness Joel finally making his move on you. “This really is some treasure you brought me.” He whistled, laughing a little as he rewarded Buckley with some oranges he had just picked up from the greenhouse.

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princessbrunette · 5 months

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ok warning: this is going to be long, so feel free to skip it but i had to get this thought down: i am constantly thinking about being sarahs best friend and being into rafe. i mean, lets be real, if you friends with sarah, of course youd have a little crush on her hot, older brother. your probably a kook, your parents are friends with the camerons, so youve know sarah and rafe since you were a kid. you and sarah immediately hit it off, but rafe was always sort of a mystery to you, especially as you got older. he became more distant, more broody, a bit more mean. didnt show up as much to family dinners, didnt want to play dolls or games in the pool with you and sarah. you were a little sad, especially since you had a little crush on him, but it was ok, at least it wasnt sarah that was drifting away. as you got older, you saw less and less of rafe, just passing greetings and nods in each other directions. you remained a little biased towards him, saving a little soft spot in your heart for your childhood crush, but knew it was silly and useless. you basically went no contact when he went off to college, only seeing him at events and holidays. but, when the summer before your senior year approached, everything shifted. im not sure when he started thinking of you differently, when he stopped seeing you as sarahs annoying little friend. maybe when he saw how much you grew in a matter of months when he came back home for the camerons famous christmas party, his freshman year at college. he didnt know what it was, maybe all the wine he had drinken that night, maybe how the weather had gotten cold, maybe the suffocating air filled with obnoxious rich people, but the way that white, lacy dress hugged your curves, the way that fluffy little cardigan hung on my one button on you chest, he was obsessed. he was disappointed to overhear that you had gotten yourself a boyfriend, but not surprised with the way you had matured. when he went back for his second semester, you were constantly on his mind. seriously, when had you grown up so much? i mean, you had never been ugly, but shit. he thought of how you shouldent be wasting time with stupid high school boys, how they would most certainly not treat you right, not like he could. he knew they wouldnt be able to touch you he could, to make you scream like he could. he honestly felt a little perverted for thinking that way, given that you two practically grew up together, but he couldn't help it. he tried burying himself in mindless sorority girls to forget his newfound infatuation, but he definitely couldn't. in fact, i bet he imagined those girls were you, even accidentally calling them your name sometimes. so when ward offered that he could come home for the summer, rafe said yes with no hesitation. it was practically too easy, the way you walked around the house in a little bikini. all he had to do was give you a little look, his eyes glancing up and down with his trademark smirk, and he had you right where he wanted. you felt bad at first, since you were doing it behind sarahs back, but come on, were you really going to give up the opportunity with the guys whos always owned your heart? of course not, you told yourself. sarah would just have to understand, not that you would tell her anytime soon of course. but she was bound to find out, espcially with the way you and rafe were slowly getting less and less inconspicuous with your sneaking around. i mean, come on, fucking in the hot tub on the patio during his parents infamous 4th of july party is definelty not the way to go unheard of. and trust me, theres a lot more where that came from.

HELLO NOT U WRITING A WHOLE DRABBLE IN MY INBOX HEHEHHE this was so good u should write a fic on this😵‍💫

ugh but this concept is so juicy bc like….. the secrecy, betraying ur bestie by sleeping w her brother…. finally being seen by him in that way….. mhm i love it

#anon #long post #rafe cameron prompt

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morskisir · 3 months

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i'm really curious why you dislike the comics? /genq /nm

ooooh the dreaded question. i can get really passionate about this (i care too much) so i'm going to be as brief and simple as i can. i'm aware many people enjoy the comics and that's fine. /gen you do you. like i said; i care too much

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: we have no clue how much time or dedication was given to the comics by valve; the poor writing isn't necessarily the fault of the writers and i have no personal beef with them! with that said, old man yells at cloud /ref under read more/keep reading.

the two main gripes i have with the comics are lack of planning and tone problems.

as i already said, the lack of planning- and therefore the poor writing- does not mean the comic team was incompetent (the art is quite good a lot of the time, actually), but this does mean it severely hurts the quality of the comics themselves. it's clear they aren't sure where they're taking this (as evident by whatever the fuck is going on with helen) and what the story is even supposed to mean. the tone goes hand in hand with the poor planning; the comics aren't sure whether they want to be purely comical and action-focused or a DARK comedy; having serious moments and themes in the story.

in the end, the serious moments come off as either manipulative (iykyk. i am not getting angry about this for 40 minutes again) or as if they're being made fun of (cough cough sniper).

they also struggle to really build up those moments, so sometimes it feels as if they just came out of nowhere. it's really jarring.

there's also just. not a lot of conflict between the main cast?? there isn't a lot of pressure put on pauling from the mercs via questioning her actions, etc. (we only slightly get this from spy. but like once) (i get that it's to show how much trust they have in her but, really? not a single thing?) (this could build up to like. a "grand betrayal" sort of thing but yknow. they didnt think about the build up to anything)

this is why i think making it JUST the RED team really hurts the story- they already have set dynamics and don't need to develop or sort through any conflicts they have with one another. medic only has conflict with sniper of all people. MEDIC. who went to join another team which was actively hunting his previous one.

the comics introduce conflict and new dynamics by straight up making up new characters?? as much as i love zhanna- she was primarily put into the story just to be soldier's love interest and have a fun dynamic with him.... i'm so sorry miss.

they could've done that with demo btw?? since demo and soldier are supposed to be friends?? unless actually the team differences DO matter (which the comics do not make clear at all, engie is randomly blue while the rest are red. okay. why? wouldn't you like to know.) so red soldier and red demo dont bounce off of eachother as much as blu soldier and red demo do.

i'm not formatting this at all but remember the poor planning? ahem. sniper timeline. why did you make him barely 30. i will fucking kill you he was always clearly meant to be, look, and sound like an old man. its in his concept art its in how he talks. raghghgh

they keep giving themselves problems by adding new characters cause then the main fucking mercs who people adore get no time for themselves (demo, pyro, scout, engie) they're just kinda......there. it sucks. but it's what we got, i guess. just how canon the comics are is questionable- but i don't care if they are.

it's free real estate i'm doing my own thing!!!!!!!!!!! fuck around find out!!!!! be gay do crime!!!!!!! *gets arrested by valve for tampering with copyrighted material*

anyways, after all that negativity; shoutout to the only stuff i enjoyed from the comics: pauling, heavy, the art. goob byeeeeeeee

#ask #read at your own risk i guess- i do end up typing one trullon words #i can go into more detail but i won't. for the sake of my sanity. and i think many wouldn't like it either #edit: the one-shots are better. they're fun

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spectrumgarden · 28 days

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Okay so I've never really joined the whole "small talk" argument that's been happening increasingly over the last years because I tend to just not agree with anyone I see discuss it. Like no I dont think people who use it are evil or making things hard on purpose, I also dont think it makes them lesser, ... I Also dont think that someone who refuses to use it / cant use it is automatically worse and will not make friends.

Importantly i also dont think everyone can learn it. I should know because I spent multiple years with professionals trying to teach me how to have a conversation At All and I still am actually nowhere near what would be expected at my age group. (Most recent reports usually go something like "makes slight improvements in having a two sided conversation" - because I can say nothing, or I can ramble on and then not react to your answer. The rest? Struggle time, to this day, in every aspect) No matter how many intricate guides you write, if I fail at the basic concept of a conversational structure very frequently then I will not succeed at small talk either. And additionally I also genuinely can not tell what might be too personal for this other person.

A lot of these people who get upset when people say "I cant do small talk because I'm autistic and I cant learn it, I tried and failed" and go "of course you can!", just sort of like. Ignore that a lot of the developmental delay in conversation and / or (nonverbal) language never closes up for many of us, the way a lot of us generally never reach the developmental level of our peers (in some areas). and it's not because we have not seen enough complex flow charts or not practiced enough. when so many of us literally spend so much additional time of our youth sitting in front of whiteboards and workbooks and such, being explained over and over how to talk to someone at all. I am 22 and after years of explicit teaching I still have to ask for verbal confirmation and explanation of any nonverbal cues that I think were used by my conversational partner, but do not know what they mean. Which is pretty much all of them. And I probably miss a lot of them existing at all. You can scream "just practice until you can recognize the other persons little cues on if they want to deepen or end this" until you turn blue but it will not actually make me accomplish it if the fucking people who've been spending their whole life teaching it didnt make me figure it out. On account of, you know, the developmental delay.

Sure some people can learn! That's why they try to teach us after all! Cause it has been successful! But generally stop with this shit of "everyone can learn this you're just choosing not to!"

I will never be rude to someone for engaging in small talk, I will obviously fail at their attempts to engage me in some, which usually makes them stop trying (thank god). But I will not tolerate others talking shit about it that is uncalled for (implying malice from every user, making fun of people who seem to crave it, ...).

But I also do not care to learn it anymore at this point? It's no goal of mine. I have made multiple friends, most non autistic, without ever using small talk. Including in adulthood. We simply skipped that stage. We went from "hi!" "Hi!" Immediately to "heres when it went wrong in my life (humorous but still often dark / personal). Also these are my political opinions. Sure I want to hear about the girl you dated for years in excruciating detail. Let me retell you the plot of this old indie movie you will never watch for 20 minutes and why I enjoy it. Let's go to a concert together after talking slightly in depth like this twice". Is this the way that you creep everyone out in everyone's friendship acquisition theory I've been seeing? Sure! It's been working perfectly fine, enough of the times for me, though.

Will this work in like a work environment or something? Most likely not, which is why I generally plan to keep to myself. Does this mean I still confuse every stranger who approaches me trying to small talk? Sure. that's why I'm still fucking disabled. But I have created meaningful relationships as an adult without small talk. I have genuinely tried learning in many ways and failed. And I'm done apologizing for that, either you take me with my inability to small talk or you wont.

#actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic community #actually disabled #developmentally disabled #idk what to tag this at idek if i want to actually post this because ive seen people get so mad abt this stuff #also putting this in the tags because the post is already too long . no i dont think the concept of small talk is ableist #insisting to people that they are 100% able to learn it after they told you they can not? that is.#“if you cant do it then those long posts telling people how to get better at it dont apply!!” when will yall learn that if you make -#-overarching statements a la “hey random reader. yes you too! all of you! you can learn this thing!” then you are including disabled people #and us telling you that we are in fact incapable of this is a fairly normal reaction to being semi directly addressed #and all youd have to do is say “anyone who is not unable to do this for disability reasons. you can do this” and move on #instead of going “hey of course when i address everyone i dont actually address disabled people. silly. want everything to be about you”#like last time i checked i was part of everybody and excluding me of that because of disability does not pass the vibe check

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freebooter4ever · 11 months

Photo

So you guys know i (try to) post daily doodles, and i have said before that i draw for about 2-3 hrs every night. BUT that also means i dont post about like 80-90% of the drawings i do each night. Today though, i've been thinking about A*I and my own relationship with drawing, and how utterly baffled i am that anyone would want to use it to like...draw for them..and how the concept that *tell a computer what art to do so i dont have to do it* is alien to me. So here's ALL the drawings i did tonight. The bottom one is the last one i did and the one i would normally post. And i want to talk about A*I without talking about good or bad end product. Because i dont care if im making the shittiest art in the universe - i still wouldn't use A*I. Not even as a ‘tool’.

If you've been around here for a while you know i have a love/hate relationship with my art. I write too, but writing doesnt make me so frustrated and angry that i want to throw my computer out a second story window. HOWEVER. There is a huge caveat to that anger.

It happens after.

You could look at it a little like hockey. Every game is fresh, right? I mean god knows the US made an entire movie about how every game is a new game and the odds could always fall in your favor no matter how stacked against you. So every drawing i go into it excited - like LOOK at that reference material, its gorgeous. The gesture is beautiful, the post is interesting, there is something about it that is just begging to be drawn. But then say you hit intermission in the hockey game and the opposing team scored a few points. And i step back and look at the drawing and realize i started to go wrong somewhere along the way. But its too late now, you gotta commit and keep going. And you do but somehow the final score is STILL 6 to 0 and thats when i want to flush all my art down the toilet and never look at it again. But its okay because the next drawing is going to start with a blank canvas and who cares what happened last time.

Ok maybe a bad example.

The product is never really what drives me to draw - i mean, sure i do like it a heck of a lot better when i have something /anything/ that i can post to show that im sticking with my everyday doodle. But its not a requirement to doodling. The process of drawing is always fun. Its when i come out of it and look at the stupid thing that im like ‘well fuck i fucked that one up again didnt i’, and THEN i get annoyed lol.

I dont sit there consumed with frustration over ‘gee i dont know what to draw’. This is never an issue. I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DRAW. Sometimes i avoid certain gifs/photos because in the back of my mind im like ‘yeah no, i havent leveled up that far yet, i cant do that justice’. But i dont want to admit the sheer number of images of geno alone i have saved. I think my biggest reference folder is still aoki and that has over two thousand screenshots - i dont think anyone will ever surpass that LOL. I have a never ending supply of practice art to be done.

The frustration comes when i have an image in my head and i want to get it down on paper so-to-speak (computer whatever). So - when im NOT using reference (or at least not an exact one) and am making an ‘illustration’ (ish). But again, the process isn't the issue. I like the act of drawing, i like the image in my head slowly taking shape, i like how vividly i can see it. Yall know how obsessed i am with personality - that's not just part of the drawing, that IS the drawing. And each deicision in the illustration is defined by the personality/character.

A computer can't fucking do this.

Could i maybe tell a computer ‘draw geno in the shower’. Sure. And it probably could. And if i didnt care about the process - if all i wanted was a very good drawing of geno in the shower....that probably would be fine. Maybe great even. Maybe it would be the best damn drawing of geno in the shower ever. And then i'd feel like shit because a machine is producing art that is more valuable to other people than mine ever will be. But holy fucking shit that ruins the entire POINT of drawing???? Why would you do that?

I mean, im sure yall can infer the entire point of the act of drawing geno in the shower. He's hot, he's wet. ANYWAY.

In my opinion, a person who wants the end product and doesn't care about the process of getting there....that person is not an artist. That person is someone who enjoys art, and probably thinks they have a lot of good ideas to make into art, but who doesn't feel that pull to make art themselves. They just want to buy art. And they want it cheap. And mindless computers being trained in seconds on the decades of creativity and hard work of art masters is a heck of a lot cheaper than a human.

And the hardest part of all this for me is how worthless this makes me feel - nobody wants you, they want that automatic button. Kinda like my dad that way (haha)

#geno #doodles

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jounosparticles · 4 months

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HELLO :D I an happy to see you back eheheh I hope you liked the break you took :3

ANYWAY. I dunno if you've seen, but in japanese bookstores if you pre-order live action beast (I think? I forgot but the important thing is that it's a campaign) then you can get a letter from a random character (dazai, fyodor, fitzgerald, etc etc) and that includes jouno and tecchou! they are. very silly BUT jouno's letter got my hamster wheel spinning

now what I got from this/interpreted it was that jouno is (probably) the one that the hunting dogs fall to do PR things (if they do)

now with fukuchi: he has the most public support, being a well known war hero and generally a symbol of power and authority to people. but. I don't think he likes public speaking that much JDBFB.

it's not that he CANT do it, he has been described to command a room and even having rumors that the force of his ranting can literally knock you out. I think he is more of "god I hate this" to public speaking. he'll do it, but I don't think he likes it. also Canon evidence: the UN army of mankind conference. (also below) I wouldn't be surprised if he just opted to do super super important hearings on behalf of the hunting dogs/....anything else (again, UN conference)

anyway moving on (the fixation got to me): teruko is.... teruko. I think she is the same as fukuchi in both ways. I feel like she can command a room but also thinks it's annoying (based on jounos letter). I'm not surprised. I would say who would trust a young girl but also shecan change her age but also idk whatever teruko is fucking crazy love her

I think tachihara is self explanatory (no one outside the hunting dogs knows him really and again. jouno letter) and I think tecchou would be self explanatory too. tecchou. is tecchou. I don't think he would like or be that great at public speaking. very blunt and straightforward, I don't think he has the right charisma to really sell a message to a huge crowd. I think tecchou is more of "say an inspirational quote and lets work with it" does this make sense LMAOO also "that's jounos job" is so fucking good SNBSDB

jouno is really a good option I think. he's charismatic and I think he could pick up a crowds emotion easily and change accordingly. silly guy.

anyway. the sillies they make me crazy

OHMYGODOGMYGOD. I KNEW ABOUT THE LETTERS BUT I DIDNT KNOW JOUNO AND TECCHOU HAD ONES?? i will go insane i will . what i would do for their letters.

ehem. anyway.

jouno being the pr guy is a good concept to me. he is very smiley when he talks and tends to stay composed, which is a good face to put on to represent the hunting dogs. i feel he could hold a crowd very easily. i’d listen to him

also the letter is so funny? ending it with saying he wants to kill tecchou is so in character. they can’t do a single page without flirting somehow yes i will say it that was him flirting killing is code for kissing trust me i am asagiri cough i mean. they’re so silly.

i like that interpretation with fukuchi. when we seen him at the press conference they acted as if he was some legend which definitely implies he doesn’t show up to these things often. he probably doesn’t like having all the fans ahahah.

teruko is definitely believable here too. she probably doesn’t work to impress people she does it to pursue what’s right. she’s also extremely justice oriented, the external stuff maybe just isn’t her thing. she’s also been dealing with a lot i don’t blame her for not wanting to hahaha. she’s also been around for a long time (probably) so maybe she’s fed up and done with pr stuff. she also maybe is taken less seriously which makes her doing that part of the job more difficult? like when she was introduced and the police’s faces dropped when they realized she was just a little girl. it could make maintaining a crowd difficult maybe.

tachihara makes sense. since he could write from the pov of a mafioso or a hunting dog. that would make an interesting letter actually! but maybe they didn’t wanna blow his cover or something idk. i doubt he could do pr in universe because of him being the only unidentified hunting dog.

tecchou passing the letter to jouno but still ending up needing to write his own is so funny to me like. okay good try. (also i haven’t seen his PLEASE can you send it to me i will have things to say i promise). anyways ive always seen tecchou being a little on the socially inept side of things which would make pr hard. (saying this as someone who’s similar to tecchou in outward personality ahaha). he likely doesn’t people please and is very direct with what he wants to say whereas in contrast i feel jouno is better at talking with people and being convincing which makes him ideal for pr stuff. the fact that he just immediately shut down the chance to do the letter in favour of training is so funny. he is everything to me.

anyway. i like to imagine jouno begrudgingly sitting at his desk thinking up a letter to write and the most he can do is complain about how nobody else wanted to do it for half the page. he doesn’t like the pr work but it’s what needs to be done. he can commend the agency for what they’ve done but he Cannot say anything nice about his coworkers. jouno is unintentionally so funny i love him so much. i want to put him under a microscope. i need a wan chapter of him going around asking the other hunting dogs about it.

i wonder if the letters are from characters in the beast timeline? like yeah the hunting dogs fyodor fitz etc weren’t present in beast but they still existed?

#sorry if this is written badly i am #<- sleep deprived #but now i’m going to think about jouno’s letter until i fall sleep #thank you jazzy square the rot is consuming me tonight !#asks #bsd hunting dogs #the hunting dogs #bsd jouno #saigiku jouno

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kreauxlighe · 5 months

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20 questions for writers!

i got tagged by @mangatxt forever ago and have kept meaning to come back to this so here we are! i'm gonna tag @northisnotup and @sleepdepravity! no pressure of course tho! i took like.. a month to get to this lol

answers below the cuuuuut

How many works do you have on AO3? 37!

What's your total AO3 word count? 355,420

What fandoms do you write for? mp100 & good omens! (I choose to believe I will go back to those gomens fics..)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? I'm gonna cheat and separate these by fandom but i'll do the top 3 instead as a compromise Good Omens: - Forever Is Composed of Nows (1.7k holyshit) - The God Below (723) - File Corrupted (686) MP100 - Study Session (NSFW!) (186) - Inventory Updated (NSFW!) (145) - Reigen 1/2 (143) tbh i think looking at a fic's hits & bookmarks are more indicative of their popularity. a fic could have 10 kudos and like hundreds of hits. ppl keep coming back to that one for a reason yknow? (i know this is skewed by like multipchaps and stuff but idk, something i think about)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to! I try to respond to every comment, even if it's just a 'thanks so much' cause i really do appreciate them all! sometimes I get behind or feel guilty about not having updated or like, feel guilty that i left a longer response to someone else. I just overthink it a lot really lol

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? oooo I think all my fics have happy endings? there's a lot of angst between and pain but the ending tends to be happy! altho i do have plans for a mcd mp100 fic and i'm not sure how that one will end.. probably happy but considering the mcd maybe more.. bittersweet? iunno! I guess of my currently published ones the angstiest ending is this Castlevania drabble! It's .. several years old now and probably not very good but hey, growth!

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? ohgosh uuuuhhh probably The God Below?? They all have happy endings but I think that one feels maybe the most rewarding because (at least for me) for a long time it didnt really seem possible FOR it to end happy. Very much how are they gonna get out of this? And not only do they get out of it but there's some surprise happiness too!

Do you get hate on fics? thankfully no and pls i hope it stays that way i am. so smol. i WILL cry that being said i am a HUGE supporter of like, ppl should be allowed to say 'i dont like this / this thing sucks' just like, not in my comments lol take it to discord or groupchats or wherever, cause i do think readers should be able and allowed to have space to complain about a thing (whether that's Actual Critique or just full on bashing). just dont do it direclty in front of my salad me plsthanks

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? so much smut. sooo much smut. its kind of funny basically all of my mp100 stuff is smut and there was a time where i was like, anxious about writing even heated kiss scenes! i think?? i'm best known for like, loving filth?? like these guys gonna fuck nasty but also wow theyre so in love its almost more filthy than whats actually happening (almost) but i'll write all kinds. i like silly moments in smut, i like the inherent vulnerability that comes with that. also monster sex. i should write more of that

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? not really! altho i have an idea for a Underworld X Resident Evil crossover! i poke the concept every so often. I could make it work i KNOW i can and i KNOW it'd be good too is the thing. it'd fuckin WORK. i mean *gestures vaguely to the movies, the animated movies, the GAMES, the ... live action res tv series* don't talk to me about it, i'm still so hurt. (no DO talk to me about it we COULDVE HAD IT ALL! anyway..) oh yknow what i think i do write crossovers?? but like, less characters from A meet characters from B and more characters from A are thrown into the setting / world of characters B, or the general vibes? So i guess Reigen 1/2 would be considered a crossover huh? I also have a space western one that's hugely based off Outlaw Star, at least to start 🤔 maybe i DO write crossovers! [shockedpikachu.gif]

Have you ever had a fic stolen? unfortunately yes. it was (as far as i know) resolved though. i was so heartbroken over it i never actually checked to see if they kept their word and made the changes they said they would

Have you ever had a fic translated? not that i'm aware of! i have had a fic bound tho!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? hmmmm i think so! Not in a traditional sense of like you write this and i write that but Gaymer AU ( yes it's REAL i promise it's REAL) is largely cocreated and brainstormed and just, would not exist without @crownorclover! and omamori feels very co-written with them too as well! oh i also am working on a sequel to the god below via an rp with my pal @garmrr! it's on a bit of a hiatus right now but that's v much co-writing!

What's your all-time favourite ship? man if you'd asked me this a year ago i would've said azicrow but here we are in the serirei trenches. I think there's still a LOT i love about azicrow and what you can do with them as a writer but there's something about serirei and how mundane they are (or try to be). my most recent azicrow fic was a human au so i think already i was seeking out that sort of point of connection and relation? and theres something about the overall themes of mp100 and how deeply flawed all of these characters are that really appeals to me. reigen and serizawa are not perfect people, in many ways they're not even GOOD people (they get there though) and its the getting there and the exploration of that that really appeals to me i think

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? hmm im not sure there is one? in terms of my fanfic, anything that's posted and unfinished i truly believe i WILL finish. idk when, but i will. I dont start posting a fic unless i know exactly how it's going to end and i want to share that ending with readers. I have some OG concepts that may not get finished in their original intent but might get frankensteined into other things!

What are your writing strengths? dialogue, for sure. I think? fjdklajfk i said that a little too confidently and doubted myself but no I do think dialogue is one of my strengths! that and grounded angst. i think i'm good at writing angst that feels like it has weight to it, like it has actual stakes, and how that affects the characters. also world-building! i dont really get to flex it as much in modern settings but i have some scifi and urban fantasy WIPs in the pipeline and im SO STOKED

What are your writing weaknesses? man writing shorter works. ive gotten a LOT better at it this year! writing all the lil mp100 drabbles helped a lot in teaching me how to embrace just like, sometimes it can be a lil scene, it doenst have to be a whole thing, you dont HAVE to create the surrounding world. and that in and of itself is a fun challenge in learning how to make something feel immersive even though it's essentially a snapshot of a nonexistent world. I say i've gotten better but yesterday i did start brainstorming another massive longfic so like. we out here

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? i try to avoid it unless i'm really confident in my usage and the context, if i can get someone to triple check. i used a one-off sentence in spanish in another fic and it was v simple and the character himself wasn't fluent so like, i felt like i could get away with it. with mp100 i notice there's often times when certain things are referred to by their japanese names and that seems to be kind of the standard? so im experimenting with embracing that but it feels weird tbh. like should i put 'konbini' or just call it the corner store lol of course this isn't dialogue and is in the narrative itself so im not actually answering the question! oops

First fandom you wrote for? believe it or not ive only been writing fanfic for *checks ao3* 4ish years? altho i grew up as a fan of shows and had my faves and my ships i never actually participated in fandom spaces until good omens. The first fic i wrote was in 2018 (the only fic i wrote that year) and it was for the castlevania anime lol i'd been writing OG fic for years and years and years before that though

Favourite fic you've ever written? awgeez this is a tough one... i know Forever is the most popular by kudos but i think that has a lot to do with the time it was being posted (v early following the release of s1, a lot of hype) and it was my first major writing project in a long time as i'd taken a break from writing. so there's parts of it i'd def do differently now The god below is definitely up there in terms of one that i had a lot of fun with and sort of re-learned how to have fun with writing and just.. do what i want, because i want to. and that's okay! i love the world i created for that fic so much. surprisingly i was very insecure about it when writing it. i didnt think it was very good or that people would like it and its my second most popular fic, has been bound by two different people, and had a podfic like.. i did something right with that one and i think it was embracing the unknown and doing a thing (narrative, worldbuilding, plot twist) when the sole reason was 'cause i wanna' a fic i'm most proud of is probably Scar Tissue (good omens) it has MASSIVE cws for self-harm and drug abuse, and it's written for a fandom (Slow Show) WITHIN a fandom (good omens) so it's not going to make a lot of sense if you havent read slow show but.. god that fic was really, really personal and it has some of the best lines of narrative i think i've ever written Lonely and ramshackle heart (good omens) also ranks up there as one im really happy with because it gave me an opportunity to explore trauma in a way i wasn't really seeing done in fic. it is one of those unfinished WIPs i think about all the time though and i really hope to finish it

i'm also working on vampau (mp100) again and the worldbuilding for that is something i'm OBSESSED with and am having SO MUCH fun and i think its an example of me taking what i learned with TGB and my OG fic, in doing what i want and having fun with it, and really pushing that as far as i can while ALSO working really hard to make it feel real and grounded. idk if im succeeding, yall will have to tell me when it drops lol

tada!

holycrap you made it this far??? wow! 🎉 i love love love talking about writing and the craft (obviously, this post is massive) and if you read this far you maybe like reading about it? so yknow, feel free to ask more questions!

#writing #tag game #my writing #writeblr #20 questions

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maedaeme · 4 months

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ok pre-emptive apology for the fact I am going to be censoring words in this like I am a tiktok teenager but I have noticed the tumblr search is picking up on untagged posts and I do NOT want this to break containment because I KNOW I am being 2:30 am levels of cranky. anyway. media grumbling

ok a proper response to this might be 'mae you like characters that are messy and this is the only reason this bugs you so much' and FAIR. VERY FAIR. but. oh boy does the babyfication of ast_rion make me. argh. oogh. eugh.

not that everyone does it but I keep getting recc'd these character posts that equate 'man dealing with trauma and learning his coping mechanisms are bad' to 'man who is secretly the sweetest kindest guy in the world who never really meant any of the bad stuff he did or mean things he said'

it's just this sort of REMOVAL of his personality and personal agency that just completely flattens the depth of his character and it gets WORSE when people use it to just write off his more unsavory decisions as 'he didnt know any better.' which. augh. aaaaaaaughghhghghhfddgf man who are you even TALKING about. that's a 300+ year old man. how did you miss the point so badly

there's prob an incredibly messy essay to be had here about the concept of the perfect victim and ppls inability to come to terms with Sometimes Someone You Like Is Just Being An Asshole but like. it's 3 am and I am not writing that essay.

but it does make me think abt that text post re: ppl modding ast to have w_lls romance scenes says so much about the state of fandom for Both of them. which is probably a way more succinct way of saying what I'm trying to say but. yeah. it sure as hell does. I'm saying this as someone who likes both of them and goes sicko mode over my ast-romancing t_v like once a week my dude.

#pointless post #really i know live and let live is the way to go and it's not like i really seek out fandom anymore anyway #but i need to kvetch

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phonyrams · 8 months

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let's hear the ted talk on duchamp's effect on art history. don't be shy (seriously i am so curious we have to have that art history discussion sometime)

IM PROCRASTINATING MY SCHOOL ASSIGNMENT RN but ok oh lord. basically, Duchamp who pioneered the Dadaism movement really pushed modern ideas of what is and isn't art and who gets to decide where that line is. In my personal opinion, art is based on the both the viewer's interpretation and the artist's intentions. Everything can be art really, but not everything is good art. That doesn't mean its not art though. You can write a bad book and it's still a book. New art movements always gain early pushback from the rococo movement to impressionism to dada to abstract expressionism (ofc not in that order and much more in between but) new things always scare people and Duchamp and Dadaism was the biggest flagship for this. I mean it was absurd and strange and people argued over it so much because it enraged them that something so simple could be considered art and put in a museum and it can relate to modern and contemporary art and how people see a simple looking artwork and think "i could do that" WELL YOU DIDNT !!!! and by thinking that this art doesnt have a place in such a nice museum is so backwards i cant even begin to ugh oh my god it enrages me and ive cried over this but. Most of the time the most simple looking paintings have the most technical work in them. Technically complicated but simple things are still beautiful even if one person decides that its not. Theyre in the museum for a reason. maybe if people actually cared or thought about it or READ INTO IT AT ALL they would understand but no. duchamp has such a hold on art history just for this because he basically invented the most modern concepts of "i could do that!" WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU DIDNT!

my favorite paintings and sculptures in museums are always the ones i think would enrage people the most. if art makes you this upset then it's done its job well.

#THIS IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE AND BARELY SCRATCHES THE SURFACE OF LITERALLY ANUTHING BUT PLEASE . PLEASE UNDERSTAND

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rue-bennett · 3 months

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there are some really basic problems with the barbie movie as a whole starting with her character specifically. side note I am very tired rn

barbie is afraid of cellulite and of not being pretty? why? because barbie is supposed to be perfect? how does she determine what flaws or imperfections are especially since barbieland is so diverse? if the criticism is about a woman's value in a patriarchal society being determined by their appearance why does this affect Barbie who exists in a matriarchy? that would imply that the patriarchy was in barbieland from the very beginning and is baked into the very concept of barbie herself? wish we could have explored that *shrug*

also barbieland isn't a utopia, its a matriarchy in which the kens are forgotten and ignored and exist as props to support barbie. kens taking over with the patriarchy is more akin to misandry overtaking the patriarchy irl, and by the end it returns to the status quo. it undercuts its own message by framing the return to barbieland as a victory over the patriarchy which it isn't, because the dismantling of the patriarchy is about breaking down societal barriers and expectations which ultimately harm everyone, men included. they made a joke alluding to this but being aware of your own writing flaws doesn't make them go away.

a big problem is also her whole character arc? we dont know where her fear of being imperfect come from or what drives her? what is it like to be a barbie, how does it limit her or confine her and what does becoming a real person offer her? barbie gained more complex emotions through Gloria (America), but ken didn't? and he had an existential crisis too? which means that barbies and kens are capable of emotional complexity without being human or being influenced by a human. why can ken have an existential crisis all on his own. It wasn't because he absorbed it from the human world because ken felt that way all along his experiences of feeling valued and powerful for the first time through the patriarchy is just what cracked him.

I know it was supposed to be about her becoming a more complex and embracing humanity and the beauty of being real, but you cant do that without showing her gain a deeper appreciation for that in the real world and showing how barbieland doesn't meet her needs anymore. there were a couple montages and that one scene on the bench that were foreshadowing but other than that nothing showed how barbie had been changed by her experiences. if her motivation was that as barbie she would always be static and incapable of change or experiencing the world they should have shown that but they didnt and they dont even show how being barbie limits her.

her arc was about the messiness and ugliness of being human is beautiful and worthwhile it just wasn't shown well because we would need to know why she has this fear in the first place and what drives her into turning her back on her whole foundational sense of self. I dont think the moments she had were enough.

how am I supposed to think that barbies character arc about accepting the beauty of humanity, of being imperfect if I dont even know why she feels so much pressure to be perfect. people are being incredibly generous with their interpretation of the movie and are adding a lot of nuance the movie does not provide because as far as the movie tells us barbie wants to be perfect because shes barbie and shes barbie because she's perfect. that is something that needs to be unpacked. how can margot give a nuanced performance about a doll becoming human when her arc is a few sentimental moments tied together by a shoestring.

theres also the fact that within her own movie she never acts only reacts. kens character arc drives almost the entire story. barbie goes through an existential crisis because of glorias character, kens character arc is entirely internally motivated.

The same with Gloria. Shes barely a character, just a plot device and a mouthpiece for giving the big speech at the end of the film. Why is she depressed and having an existential crisis? because shes a woman and her daughters growing up? what does she do to resolve that? gee whiz I wish we had gotten a comprehensive story arc to unpack that. gloria was a bland character and the performance wasn't anything remarkable because it didnt require anything remarkable.

I would have been so down for getting an acting nom for margot especially, but how can you even give a nuanced performance if the character is so poorly written and it sucks because there are a couple easy fixes to massively improve her entire character and streamline the movie. (I can get into that but I dont have the energy tonight).

one of the easiest ways to show how poor the writing is that they had the mattel team visit barbieland and it had zero point. like zero relevance, gloria told them her idea for a quick gag but it was a pointless plot point. them showing the team irl wasn't written very well but it was an important thematic and comedic moment but after her escape, their presence added nothing to the plot or message and it wasn't that funny.

its completely ridiculous to blame the patriarchy for ken being more popular or acknowledged over barbie when the MOVIE also gave more importance to his character. him choosing to pursue barbie is integral to the rest of the plot happening, his choice is what kickstarts the entire movie. the climax of the movie is the climax of his character arc HE GOT A MUSICAL NUMBER.

if people are going to be mad about the academy passing over women in favour of men the call is coming from inside the house my friend because it started with the move itself.

Okay these are some veryyy interesting points I’m gonna have to digest and I don’t have much to add. I think that the marketing of it and some aspects of the writing being very feminist-forward are doing heavy lifting in getting the audience to suspend its disbelief at some of the contradictory aspects of the movie itself and some plot holes, because, it’s a fantasy idk. The 4th to last paragraph in particular, I AGREE. Hell I wish she’d been nommed but it isn’t a crime against women either.

#asks #long post #mineandralos

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viralvava · 7 months

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hey. hey wait. ok youve given me brainworms over this. i think the best name for the whole concept of a conclusion of the sorrow story being called “coda of sorrow” is very fitting actually. because. idk gow much yk ab music terminology but a coda is basically a function in music which requires you to replay the piece from the beginning, but leads you to a different ending than the orig. coda also means end (lit. “tail), ie an end to sorrow. an end to the cycles of pain and sadness and trauma which overshadow the entire castlevania franchise + narrative :]

also the idea of arikado eventually discarding the title of “alucard” and fully just. going by and embracing the title of “dracula” by the end of the narrative is so. ough. idk if thats something youd use/keep but. OUGH.

i also have. emotions about actual like musical aspects, ie how one might go abt writing the boss theme for him in this au but i dont wanna. clutter up your ask box lol

i am. so very normal about this i assure you.

- vampirebelmonts / saratrantoul i just cant send from my main bcs its not my default

thats my job o7 or so my two friends who care can tell you. as far as i can tell once you get stuck in the "oh arikado is really shitty actually" realisation theres no going back :D it actually happens to add a lot more depth to the story, even though arikado is really just mean in aria because they needed a plot device and everything in dawn is coincidental, and they 'fix' his personality in grimoire of souls (... mostly, hes just really fucking mean to death instead which is actually unlike him, him and death are usually quite amiable considering the circumstances). something something breaking cycles is one thing but its not as easy as it sounds, especially if, unlike soma, youve been chewed up and spat out by them continuously, intimately. its nice contrast

i dont know jack mcfucking shit about musical terminology teehee so thats really interesting! i didnt really have a solid name in mind, just thoughts about arikado and alucardraculas final words as he dies and whatnot. also the difference between the good ending (breaking the cycle, just a different one this time, a personal one) and the bad ending (it keeps going babyyyy all hail the inevitability of fate being blended with self-perpetuation until the lines are completely blurred)

the part about dracula as a title and alucard keeping it happens to tie into my most shitposty au of all time, a vhd crossover au, and im not going to elaborate further because its a bit shitty but yeah no ABSOLUTELY something id keep. the light novel does show that dracula is a title, judging by the way death phrases things, so! you know how it is. fun

anyway yeah this whole thingamajig is kind of my pride and joy as a castlevania fan? even though its probably kind of obvious and i heavily doubt im the first person to think of it, i like to consider it my crowning thought piece, as disconnected and rambly as it actually is in practice because it COULD be a whole ass essay except im bad at writing and well bejvyihdik. so anyway the point is i like talking about it and maybe showing off a little when im not petrified with anxiety so feel free to spam the inbox i really dont mind :]

#akumajou dracula #genya arikado #ive had this cooking for like literally my entire short tenure as a castlevania fan trust me im Highly regular about it.#aka ask my friends kachi and veri (and zeddie kinda) how much i fucking talk about it the answer is A Lot its a Whole Fucking Lot #as in oftentimes daily to one or two of them A Lot

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navysealt4t · 6 months

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HELLO BLUE!! ^_^ i am back in your inbox to peddle my wares (fic concepts that are plaguing me actively)

BASICALLY for further context: this fic is like. how i have it in my head is the first chapter is a wishful-thinking type of thing. where clown is intentionally out of character (and specifically more in-line with zam's perception of him, being strong willed and close with the thing plaguing him. accepting it and emerging unharmed from the process of becoming one with [in his case] the void.) and celebrated. it's a fantasy. which is part of why that's specifically referred to as abacināre; to be blinded (typically by a red-hot iron rod or basin). because it isn't the truth.

"wind up the music box, look at the book again. whose story is it really?" is a call to the correct story, the one that zam was hiding behind this dream of being someone else.

currently i haven't fully finished zam's part. but. i gave him moths as a manifestation of trauma & paranoia & fear ^_^ because i just. something in my brain makes that click. (i've used that in previous fics. i can't remember where it came from but i like it, i use it). zam's spend his life trying to kill his fear, or hide away from it, only for it to come fluttering in through the cracks. so harmless, yet absolutely soul-destroying for him. he's tearing himself apart by proxy, since he's killing a part of himself with those moths.

something something trauma acceptance... i dunno it's a flowery metaphor for admiring people who've learnt to cope with trauma (or at least, what you've perceived as such. this is untrue in the case of what zam's seeing. clown was never bothered or hurt by the void, it was just a part of life to him. making this goal completely unachievable and unreasonable on zam's part) and not knowing how to, since their example doesn't apply to what you experienced. so instead you try and follow the example and it just brings you back to square one time and time again.

also, hence, spērāre, which can mean any of the following: "to hope, expect", "to await, anticipate", "to fear, be apprehensive", "to assume, suppose".

ALSO LASTLY, the fic's title being Asomatous, meaning without a material body; incorporeal. is just the icing on the cake that is this horrible angst riddled fic. because like. zam's assumptions aren't based in anything real, they have no grounding to them. and honestly? in this... zam may as well be a ghost. and the moths as well. they aren't real, they're a manifestation ^_^ (i can't go ten minute without giving my blorbos issues. and i just like making them Like Me yk yk)

(if i give this fic a nice/happy ending then we'll get a little healing. otherwise uh. self destructive tendencies the curse yet also my beloved as a plot device.)

ogugffbhjnkfmk i have. so many thoughts...... this is supposed to just be a random fic concept that i write and never think about again. im thinking about this one a LOT. i hope you've enjoyed my nonsense ramblings because i didnt realize i could talk this much until i just. started. talking.

oh. also. song ^_^

ooiugh pitting all of this In my Mouth <3333 i LOVEEE this idea clown being intentionally out of character and idk why but i LOVEE ‘whose story is it really?’

AND MOTHS!!!! AS THE MANIFSTATION OF FEAR AND TRAUMA AIUHH <3333 i love bugs as like metaphors and in writing it’s sooo 💥💥

FUCKING . HOLD U IN MY HAND I LOVEEE HOW UR BRAIN WORKS <333333 oughh the title i love it i LOVE this 🫶🫶🫶🫶

i loveeee the nonsense rambling <3 just getting lil bits of ur brain i love words fuck yeah !!!!!

#asks #haunted ghouls #ouhhhhhh this SUCH a fucking cool concept. rotating all of this in my brain #beloveds <3

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