Donald Malarkey x Reader
“Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.”
A/N: Hi, it’s been a minute. I’ve been really busy with school and had a little bit of writer's block. This one has been in the making for about a month now and I just wasn’t sure how to finish it off, so I decided to leave it like this. Hope you like it!
Also I just wanted to say to tell me if you have requests for a story, having a purpose makes writing a little easier too!
Synopsis: They had already lost so much, so why did this have to keep happening?
Disclaimer: This work is based on the characters as they are portrayed in the HBO series Band of Brothers and is by no means meant as an offense to any of the real men that it was based on.
They were a miserable crowd that trudged into Haguenau. David Webster was back, smiling as if their reunion was something celebratory. His greeting had been colder then he had expected and when he joined in with second platoon all they could do was stare at his clean uniform and spotless face, dirtfree and scarless.
Ardennes and Foy had taken a hard toll on Donald Malarkey. Losing some of his best friends had taken a hard toll on him. He was battered now, sharper somehow, than before. His smiles were rare things, and he was more drawn back, disconnected from the rest of the men since taking up the role of leading the platoon. Besides, the loss he had suffered made him hesitant to open up to anyone else.
Y/n eyed him worriedly feeling a spike of sadness at his slumped posture. He looked different, not necessarily in a bad way, the raggedy look suited him. It made his interior, affected by the horrible experiences of war, reflect onto the outside.
He had just gotten back from showering, wearing a set of clean uniforms. His exhaustion was easy to spot, but then again, each and every one of them was exhausted. It was something in his eyes though, that Y/n knew had the potential to grow into hopelessness. They were all so close to that point and she was afraid that he would tip over the edge.
“Hey Don,” Y/n offered him as genuine a smile she could. “You clean up nice!” She said when she had his attention.
He chuckled drily. But the look in his eyes remained, and he didn’t smile. It made her heart hurt that she couldn’t do more. She met his eyes with a sad smile, noticing the look on her face Don walked over to her, putting an arm over her shoulder and squeezing a little. His other hand was preoccupied with lighting the smoke resting between his lips. When he got it to light up, Y/n was quick to steal it and take a long drag and lowering the cigarette before exhaling. She looked up at him turning her body more towards him and pressed a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Before, when she’d done that it had always caused him to smile brightly at her but now he just let out a little relieved sigh.
“How are you holding up?” She felt him tense up at the question.
They avoided those topics most of the time. Since it was little they could do about their situation, they had agreed that it was pointless to bring up any unnecessary distress. But Y/n felt alone and Don was the only person she wanted to talk to.
He offered her the shortest response possible. “As best I can.” Shooting her an apologetic look, he brought up a hand to touched the side of her face.
Y/n leaned in to the touch before bringing the cigarette back up to her lips and breathing in the smoke. She closed her eyes as she exhaled, the feeling of desperation overcoming her all of a sudden. Tilting her head forward a little so she could rest her forehead against Don’s she inhaled another drag, letting the smoke shift out of her nose.
“I really need to shower.” She muttered instead of pressing on. As much as she trusted and respected the men, she did not feel comfortable showering with all of them.
Don leaned back to look her up and down as if he hadn’t realised her dirty state, which to be fair he probably hadn’t since it was what they were all used to. “Do you want me to talk to Speirs or Winters to see if you can get a more private option?”
Y/n sighed, she didn’t want to cause any trouble. “It’s okay, I’ll just wait until everyone else is done.” She closed her eyes, she just wanted to get some sleep.
Since Don was no longer going on the patrol he had been ordered to get some rest which Y/n found a relief. But she was worried about the other men. This mission seemed pointless and unnecessarily dangerous. The looks on everyone’s faces when Webster and that new lieutenant had entered the room had been somber. And when Web had revealed that out of the fifthteen men, Heffron, McClung and Ramirez were definitely going, the mood had become even more grim.
“I’m afraid.” Y/n whispered, feeling brave with her eyes closed.
Don put his arms around her and gathered her into a hug, one hand coming up to stroke her hair. She let out a shuddering breath leaning in to him.
“This patrol is so unnecessary and I’m scared for the men going. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.” Her words came out muffled by his shoulder.
“I know.” They both knew there were no comfort to be found in empty promises. So he didn’t try to reassure her that everything would be fine.
~
Eugene Jackson was only 20 years old, and now he was dead. Y/n was sitting on a chair staring at his dead body. One escaped tear created a trail in the dirt that dusted her face. The only thing she could do was stare, they had all fallen silent, unsure what happens next. It seemed as if the silence stretched out, and when the air became too pressing, Y/n stood up without a word and left the room.
The midnight breeze did nothing to help her breathe. With shaky hands she lit a cigarette trying to calm her raging thoughts. She walked to the room where Don was sleeping and almost stopped when she realised that he didn’t know. He would blame himself, no doubt. Though her selfish need for him was bigger than the part of her who wanted to protect him by letting him remain unknowing at least for a little while longer. Y/n knocked on the door softly before entering without waiting for an answer. As she toed off her shoes she wiped away another stray tear before she lay down beside Don on the bed. He flinched a little when he woke, blinking as she came into focus before his eyes.
“Hey, what’s wrong,” He shifted as his eyes searched her eyes, noticing the frantic look in them.
Y/n shook her head, pressing her face into his shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of military soap and a little sweat. After a few calming breaths she lifted her head to look at him.
“Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.” She was ashamed by how selfish that comment was.
Don looked confused, it wasn’t that the desperation in her voice was unheard of, but it was a strange thing to wake up to.
He lifted his hand to touch the side of her face. “Did something happen, Y/n?” The concern was clear in his voice.
Changing the subject Y/n stumbled over her words. “Tell me about when you knew you loved me.”
She could see the hesitation on his face but still he complied.
“It was just before the battle of Foy that it finally clicked.” He paused to stroke her hair. “In Ardennes, I couldn’t even think and when,” Don fell silent only for a second. “Muck and Penkala got hit, all I could think was that what if you were gone too.”
Y/n knew how hard losing his best friends had been for Don, especially when Buck left too. So talking about it was not something he tended to do. She reached out to show her comfort by squeezing his hand.
He let her take his hand without protest, giving her a half smile. “When I saw you after everything I felt like I could almost breathe again.”
Y/n remembered that moment, out of nowhere she had been engulfed in a tight embrace, and she had flinched in surprise before she got a glimpse of Don’s red hair which made her relax and spin around so that she could properly hug back. He had hid his face in the crook of her neck and although she would never bring it up she had heard and felt his tears against her skin.
“I didn’t want to have something happen to either of us without telling you.” He smiled then, properly, and although it was tinged with sadness, the happiness was there too. “And then you told me that you loved me, and you kissed me. I had never been so desperate for someone.” he smirked cheekily, “I felt like I was going to die, more than I had ever done in battle, and I just knew that this was something new, something I had never experienced before. So that was when I knew that I loved you.”
Y/n started crying then, it was only silent tears making their way down her cheeks, but since Don was facing her it was easy to tell. His small smile fell then, and he looked worried.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Y/n” He said it with his commanding voice, that he used whenever he had to order the platoon around.
“Jackson got hit by his own grenade.” She sounded cold despite the obvious the distress her tears was showing. “He’s dead.”
Again that awful pressing silence descended over the room.
Don broke it with a low “Fuck”.
Instead of saying anything else, he wrapped his arms around her and they just laid there in silence as the sun rose outside marking the start of a new day.
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