#do i feel bad?

[leonieweird]

The First Time I Saw A Scared Human

The first time I saw a human scared was when I was only 6 years old.

The Irdbay species had adopted a human on board to get them used to children of different races. I was the more socialable one inside of my nest, and the human was very kind. Always got onto our level when we were learning and helped us when we were learning to fly.

The older Irdbay’s loved the human whose name was Jo’an. One day, they had to leave on important business. By then, human Jo’an had aquatinted with my entire nest and we were comfortable with being around her.

That’s when the Enahyay attacked.

The ship flashed red, alarms blared, blood of my fellow nest mates fell onto the group. The Enahyay was ruthless. They ripped apart younglings, smashed eggs that had yet hatched, and didn’t hesitate to rip into Human Jo’an’s leg. To this day, her scream has made its own nest in my mind.

I remember hiding with Human Jo’an, now the last of my nest.

Her hand covered her mouth, trapped in a closet as I tried to quiet down. Even with Human Jo’an right next to me, I couldn’t hear anything but her heartbeat. The loud thumping was quiet compared to the blaring alarms, however I could hear it.

If I could hear it, so could the Enahyay. Footsteps echoed from our hiding spot, the growls making Human Jo’an’s heart speed up even more. The pounding thumps made a rhythm that I could follow. The footsteps continued on, the growls slowly growing quiet.

I tried to shift to fix my wing and possibly squeak to Human Jo’an about her leg, but her gaze made me stop. A gaze of fear, worry, but also anger. Her eyes were that of a predator backed up into a corner and the gaze of a caretaker who lost all of her young. Her eyes were telling me not to move, even though I could not hear the predator anymore.

With my head, I barely motioned to her leg. Blood dripped down from her thigh. It stained her shorts, her socks, and even her shoes that she wore around the ship. She looked down only briefly before her entire body started to shake. The anger slowly dwindled down in her gaze until it was only fear. I didn’t understand what was wrong until I remember what my mother had told me.

‘Most predators can smell a range of things. Blood is one of them, myy atchlinghay. If you’re bleeding, fly as fast as you can as far as you can-‘

I could barely make out Human Jo’an’s slowly movements to grab the metal rod that was in the closet. She had a bone crushing grip on it.

‘If you get caught, it’s over. Just screech for me or Jo’an, and we’ll come over.’

The door ripped open and the bloodthirsty eyes of a Enahyay flashed through the dark lighting with the occasional flash of red. My wings bristled with fear. Before I could act, Human Jo’an let out a yell that rang throughout the ship. The metal rod in her arms swung towards the Enahyay, knocking him away from the closet.

I could only curl in fear, but I heard it. The Enahyay’s whimpers, Jo’an’s screams, and the sound of a metal rod connecting with skin. The whimpers eventually died down as the sound of metal against skin slowly sounded like metal hitting a liquid. Human Jo’an screams did not stop.

I heard more Enahyay coming, yet I could only hide and quiver in fear while Human Jo’an kept screaming. I could hear both her blood and tears drop onto the ground along with the bodies of Enahyay.

The rescue team and older Irdbay arrived only a mere 10 minutes later. By then, I was in Human Jo’an’s bloody arms. Black stained every part of us. Human Jo’an still had the tight grip of the metal rod, rocking me back and forth with tears streaming out of her dead eyes.

When I was just 6 earth years old, I learned the terror that humans feel and the actions that come with it. I learned what a scary existence scared human truly are.

#humans are space orcs #hasodot #did I just make an entire alien language piglatin? #yes #yes i did #do i feel bad? #No #no i dont

[conjuring-ghouls]

Now there is nothing between us. From now our merge is eternal. (x)

#the band ghost #ghost band #papa emeritus iii #papa iii #terzo #papa 3 #terzhoe #cirice #my gifs #terzo on his knees terzo on his knees terzo on his knees!!!! #and once again i neglected a client's photoshoot for the sake of making these #do i feel bad? #not in the slightest #heheheheheh #i am WEAK for him ladies and gentleman

[stasiereads]

bye-bye bread and roses couple, we will miss you (no)

see you never!

with love,

gleeriel

#gwynriel #anti elriel #do I feel bad? #no:) #bless you all #hofas spoiler #gwyneth berdara #acotar #gwyn berdara #hofas bonus chapter

[thingsiusedtobe]

There’s not a single brain cell in that head. Bless him.

#horseblr #paint horse #equestrian #American Paint Horse #am I blazing this so more people see my old derpy happy horse? #yes #do I feel bad? #no #look at this majestic fucker

[endlesspaint]

I'm planning on making a smoll animatic about my au :3

It was originally supposed to be a comic but I decided to just make snippets of content about it. It's more fun that way hehehehe

(hint: it's JD angst)

#I like angst so expect that LMAO #but srsly-- I'm making all the brothers suffer here-- :'D #do i feel bad? #yes. yes I do #but im still doing it anyways cause it's necessay #for the story. I'll definitely draw fluff to make up for it lol #I actually finished one animatic but that scene happened a bit further from the story so I'll post it after I properly introduce my au #>:3 #I'm trying a new animatic style that incorporates both traditional and digital art #trolls #dreamworks trolls #endlessrambles

[skoofie]

Friendly reminder that you should

Write that fic

Draw your OC

Redesign that blorbo

Plan that comic how you want

Create the content you want to see

Be cringe

Be free

The only thing that matters is you having fun! Not what others think!

#ski thoughts #i am cringe but i am free #this isnt directed at anyone btw #just been seeing a lot of people feeling too scared to share their thoughts (me too bestie) and sometimes we (also me) need a reminder that #we can do what we want forever #whos gonna stop you? #haters? #they want u so bad it makes them look silly

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[catmask]

does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.

#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like #completion consistancy i am thinking for with this #personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥 #i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional #i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic #but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one #it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played #however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music #because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do #so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan #very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay #TO ME 🤫 #if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead

[hammy-fan]

if i say karma am i a bad person?

#answer: yes #do i feel bad? #only slightly

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#good omens #´hello friends!! how are you!! #I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` ) #I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey #usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from #most of the time I just get a stuffy nose #has my nose gotten stronger #but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁) #it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet #but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (: #and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors #I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set #the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer #but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet #unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home #which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car

[polarsirens]

rage

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high junior year spoilers #d20 #d20 spoilers #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #ratgrinders #kipperlilly copperkettle #lucy frostblade #ivy embra #oisin hakinvar #mary ann skuttle #ruben hopclap #my art #i have more urgent thigns to do but by god it feels exquisite to be able to draw again #you go you entitled angry tragic little rogue girl. i need kipperlilly vs riz so bad #cw blood

[rixareth]

As requested, I have examined my fondness for terrible characters, and I have concluded that I like them because they're terrible and I'm not sorry.

#light yagami #joe goldberg #jack shephard #joshua kiryu #ardyn izunia #james sunderland #arnold rimmer #this entry brought to you because someone recommended YOU to me #so i checked out the wikipedia article #and the 'cultural influence' section was MADDENING #extremely patronising to be so concerned #about all these foolish and misguided women #(not exclusively women #but i do feel i mainly see this 'concern' targeted at women) #expressing fondness for a Bad Person #who is Not Real

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[emkini]

Toph + Zuko friendship is something that can be so personal

[ID: a digital line drawing of toph leaning on zuko’s head as he sits on the ground, cross-legged. “toph,” sokka says, offscreen, “you can’t just use zuko as an armrest.”

“what?” toph asks, irritated. “do you see him complaining? get off my dick!”

to which katara exclaims, also offscreen, “toph!”

zuko doesn’t seem bothered. an arrow points to him with the text, “just happy to be included”. /end ID]

ID by @maileesque 

#atla #avatar the last airbender #toph #zuko #sketch #atla fanart #toph swears like a sailor and you canNOT convince me otherwise #zuko CAN swear like a sailor if so desired #considering he was in fact a sailor #however I feel like he's the type to be Scary In A Bad Way when he swears and he's trying to Not Do That #em draws

[shaking-the-hand-of-doubt]

When will my body STOP

#do i feel bad? #hell yeah #do i know why? #HELL NO #i think thats the worst part #like whats the problem now