#enjoy without me...

[lazylittledragon]

the only thing scarier than vampire lords/mind flayers/death cults is meeting the in-laws

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #tavstarion #i feel like he’s good at schmoozing but i’m not sure how much he would actually Enjoy it #he gives me extroverted introvert #being surrounded by a few hundred very pretty wood elves for a weekend is probably quite nice though #he might have a bitch sesh with dorian’s sisters #also i will keep making his outfits cuntier if it kills me #what’s that post about how wyll is the only character you could realistically bring home without disaster

[white-weasel]

Funniest bit of the dnd movie is Xenk clearly being an NPC the DM introduced for lore and plot purposes who’s a competent fighter because of course he is, his reputation and backstory require it. But whoopsies the DM made him too powerful, the whole party likes him, and now they want him to come with to fight the BBEG which will completely and utterly fuck up the encounter balance

So instead of there being any actual plot reason he can’t join Xenk just says “I can’t. This is something only you can do.” And then walks off, never to interact with the party again because the DM just knows those little shits will find a way to use their OP creation against them

#but this movie was fun! clearly understood and had fun with its source material without being pure fan service #like don’t get me wrong there was fan service and jokes but I feel like even not knowing dnd you could enjoy it #I also really liked how you could tell what each spell was as it was cast even if they weren’t named! my wizard main self was so excited lol #xenk yendar #dungeons and dragons #honor among thieves #dungeons and dragons honor among thieves #dungeons and dragons movie #dnd #idk what we’re tagging this with gang so I went with all of it

[the-geeky-fangirl]

heartstopper isn't cringe it's just sincere and you guys are weak as fuck

#oh no an emotion without any irony whatsoever how will i survive #that's what i hear anytime i see someone call heartstopper cringe #which keeps happening for some reason #what part of me makes social media algorithms think i will enjoy seeing that instead of blowing up in frustration #heartstopper #heartstopper season 2 #nick and charlie #tao xu #elle argent #tara jones #darcy olsson #tara and darcy #tao and elle #issac henderson #alice oseman #kit connor #joe locke

[scaredii-cat]

My beautiful wife!! REAL!!!!

#hi hey hi i really liked the first episode #it was good! they manage to put a good amount in without it feeling crammed or rushed #the food looks delicious and the characters are wonderful as ever #only thing i didnt love was the english cast #everyone was either okay or didnt really fit? at least to me #ESPECIALLY falin and senshi. my god. #but thats a small thing the japanese cast sounds great and i might go back and listen to some of the other versions #anyway! i enjoyed it #oh and the end credits!!! theyre so so so good #made me hyped to see some of the characters later in the story #chitchat #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi anime #senshi #screenshots

[egophiliac]

still absolutely losing my mind over Lilia

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #sebek: wow we're so lucky to see lilia-sama at his fighting prime. so commanding! so powerful! #lilia: (straight up stuffs a frog in his mouth without breaking eye contact) #seriously though i did not think it was possible for me to enjoy lilia even more. and yet. #'dragon eggs need love in order to hatch' #ten year old me: gasp. i knew it. #the IMPLICATIONS though! #forget true love's kiss we have true love's baby dragon over here #also twst. twst please. i do feel i need to call you out a little bit on malleus' age #i don't really have a problem with it i was just. surprised. #i mean i GUESS the description of dragon ages was vague enough that malleus being under 200 doesn't inherently contradict it #it could've been clearer okay :( #that said it is true that the younger malleus is the more hilarious his whole world-weary immortal schtick is #'ah...you are all as infants in comparison to me. ' - malleus (age 19) #also lilia being a foundling does explain him not knowing his real birthday. so i will forgive (1) birth-related shenanigan. #auuuugh the parallels between lilia and silver #brb i need to go roll around on the ground and mutter to myself for a while

[theminecraftbee]

Grian had taken her aside quietly. He'd awkwardly talked around the idea of her remembering now; apparently, he didn't know if her victory counted. She'd rubbed the back of her head and hadn't quite realized what he was talking about and said something about the games and, ah. Apparently she does remember now. Apparently the victory counts. Apparently this means he needs to say sorry.

Cleo considers not accepting the apology. Grian would get the wrong idea then. If she said: you don't need to apologize for shit, or maybe, there's nothing to apologize for, he'd take that as: you are exactly as bad as you're convinced you are. Honestly, Cleo's not sure whether that means Grian would decide he'd done nothing wrong or everything, but that's besides the point.

She'd never not remembered, is the point.

Frankly, Cleo hadn't realized people were meant to be not remembering. She's honestly a bit embarrassed not to have figured it out. Surely that can't be right. Cleo has held every single slight and every single ally and every single person she has ever connected to right in her ribcage, next to where her carved-out, unbeating, torn-up heart lies, the entire time these games have gone on. Each game, a new fact carved into the bone that makes them up.

Names ribbon around her memories. Bdubs and the Crastle and Scott and soulmates and Pearl and friend-turned-foe and Etho and survivor and Bigb and traitor and Scar and son and everything else. She wouldn't be the same at all if she didn't remember. Everything she is, it's built on top of everyone that was.

Maybe it's a zombie thing. The undead are said to be memories that can't fade as much as anything else, after all.

But she can't really explain this to Grian, of course. If nothing else, that would require explaining the place he's taken next to her heart, too, and frankly, that's way too mushy for the both of them. What ends up coming out her mouth is: "Oh. Does that really change anything?"

Grian stares at her a moment.

"You know, I guess not?" he says.

"Right then," Cleo says. "Cool. Good to know my victory means nothing then."

Grian squawks. "You can't just say it like that! That's depressing!"

Good enough.

She buries 'not-supposed-to-remember' 'not-sure-if-it-counts' 'laughing-as-scott-dies' and 'I-have-always remembered' in the same place in her ribcage, so she won't forget it, and then she does the thing that sets her apart from the common zombie:

She moves on.

#trafficfic #trafficblr #real life smp #(and all the rest) #zombiecleo #a bee fic #so okay the thing is my cleo character meta/understanding DOES NOT WORK with 'only victors remember' #because traffic!cleo is a character that ONLY works through the steady build across series #maybe more than anyone else cleo holds onto things across each series and ESPECIALLY relationships #and none of them can really be taken without the full context #so this is just me having fun with that i guess #ENJOY.

[kaladinkholins]

Very interesting to me that a certain subset of the BES fandom's favourite iterations of Mizu and Akemi are seemingly rooted in the facades they have projected towards the world, and are not accurate representations of their true selves.

And I see this is especially the case with Mizu, where fanon likes to paint her as this dominant, hyper-masculine, smirking Cool GuyTM who's going to give you her strap. And this idea of Mizu is often based on the image of her wearing her glasses, and optionally, with her cloak and big, wide-brimmed kasa.

And what's interesting about this, to me, is that fanon is seemingly falling for her deliberate disguise. Because the glasses (with the optional combination of cloak and hat) represent Mizu's suppression of her true self. She is playing a role.

Take this scene of Mizu in the brothel in Episode 4 for example. Here, not only is Mizu wearing her glasses to symbolise the mask she is wearing, but she is purposely acting like some suave and cocky gentleman, intimidating, calm, in control. Her voice is even deeper than usual, like what we hear in her first scene while facing off with Hachiman the Flesh-Trader in Episode 1.

This act that Mizu puts on is an embodiment of masculine showboating, which is highly effective against weak and insecure men like Hachi, but also against women like those who tried to seduce her at the Shindo House.

And that brings me to how Mizu's mask is actually a direct parallel to Akemi's mask in this very same scene.

Here, Akemi is also putting up an act, playing up her naivety and demure girlishness, using her high-pitched lilted voice, complimenting Mizu and trying to make small talk, all so she can seduce and lure Mizu in to drink the drugged cup of sake.

So what I find so interesting and funny about this scene, characters within it, and the subsequent fandom interpretations of both, is that everyone seems to literally be falling for the mask that Mizu and Akemi are putting up to conceal their identities, guard themselves from the world, and get what they want.

It's also a little frustrating because the fanon seems to twist what actually makes Mizu and Akemi's dynamic so interesting by flattening it completely. Because both here and throughout the story, Mizu and Akemi's entire relationship and treatment of each other is solely built off of masks, assumptions, and misconceptions.

Akemi believes Mizu is a selfish, cocky male samurai who destroyed her ex-fiance's career and life, and who abandoned her to let her get dragged away by her father's guards and forcibly married off to a man she didn't know. on the other hand, Mizu believes Akemi is bratty, naive princess who constantly needs saving and who can't make her own decisions.

These misconceptions are even evident in the framing of their first impressions of each other, both of which unfold in these slow-motion POV shots.

Mizu's first impression of Akemi is that of a beautiful, untouchable princess in a cage. Swirling string music in the background.

Akemi's first impression of Mizu is of a mysterious, stoic "demon" samurai who stole her fiance's scarf. Tense music and the sound of ocean waves in the background.

And then, going back to that scene of them together in Episode 4, both Mizu and Akemi continue to fool each other and hold these assumptions of each other, and they both feed into it, as both are purposely acting within the suppressive roles society binds them to in order to achieve their goals within the means they are allowed (Akemi playing the part of a subservient woman; Mizu playing the part of a dominant man).

But then, for once in both their lives, neither of their usual tactics work.

Akemi is trying to use flattery and seduction on Mizu, but Mizu sees right through it, knowing that Akemi is just trying to manipulate and harm her. Rather than give in to Akemi's tactics, Mizu plays with Akemi's emotions by alluding to Taigen's death, before pinning her down, and then when she starts crying, Mizu just rolls her eyes and tells her to shut up.

On the opposite end, when Mizu tries to use brute force and intimidation, Akemi also sees right through it, not falling for it, and instead says this:

"Under your mask, you're not the killer you pretend to be."

Nonetheless, despite the fact that they see a little bit through each other's masks, they both still hold their presumptions of each other until the very end of the season, with Akemi seeing Mizu as an obnoxious samurai swooping in to save the day, and Mizu seeing Akemi as a damsel in distress.

And what I find a bit irksome is that the fandom also resorts to flattening them to these tropes as well.

Because Mizu is not some cool, smooth-talking samurai with a big dick sword as Akemi (and the fandom) might believe. All of that is the facade she puts up and nothing more. In reality, Mizu is an angry, confused and lonely child, and a masterful artist, who is struggling against her own self-hatred. Master Eiji, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.

And Akemi, on the other hand, is not some girly, sweet, vain and spoiled princess as Mizu might believe. Instead she has never cared for frivolous things like fashion, love or looks, instead favouring poetry and strategy games instead, and has always only cared about her own independence. Seki, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.

But neither is she some authoritative dominatrix, though this is part of her new persona that she is trying to project to get what she wants. Because while Akemi is willful, outspoken, intelligent and authoritative, she can still be naive! She is still often unsure and needs to have her hand held through things, as she is still learning and growing into her full potential. Her new parental/guardian figure, Madame Kaji, knows this as well.

So with all that being said, now that we know that Mizu and Akemi are essentially wearing masks and putting up fronts throughout the show, what would a representation of Mizu's and Akemi's true selves actually look like? Easy. It's in their hair.

This shot on the left is the only time we see Mizu with her hair completely down. In this scene, she's being berated by Mama, and her guard is completely down, she has no weapon, and is no longer wearing any mask, as this is after she showed Mikio "all of herself" and tried to take off the mask of a subservient housewife. Thus, here, she is sad, vulnerable, and feeling small (emphasised further by the framing of the scene). This is a perfect encapsulation of what Mizu is on the inside, underneath all the layers of revenge-obsession and the walls she's put around herself.

In contrast, the only time we Akemi with her hair fully down, she is completely alone in the bath, and this scene takes place after being scorned by her father and left weeping at his feet. But despite all that, Akemi is headstrong, determined, taking the reigns of her life as she makes the choice to run away, but even that choice is reflective of her youthful naivety. She even gets scolded by Seki shortly after this in the next scene, because though she wants to be independent, she still hasn't completely learned to be. Not yet. Regardless, her decisiveness and moment of self-empowerment is emphasised by the framing of the scene, where her face takes up the majority of the shot, and she stares seriously into the middle distance.

To conclude, I wish popular fanon would stop mischaracterising these two, and flattening them into tropes and stereotypes (ie. masculine badass swordsman Mizu and feminine alluring queen but also girly swooning damsel Akemi), all of which just seems... reductive. It also irks me when Akemi is merely upheld as a love interest and romantic device for Mizu and nothing more, when she is literally Mizu's narrative foil (takes far more narrative precedence over romantic interest) and the deuteragonist of this show. She is her own person. That is literally the theme of her entire character and arc.

#blue eye samurai #mizu blue eye samurai #akemi blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai meta #just in case... im gonna tag this as #mizukemicritical #akemizucritical #though this post isnt actually criticising the ship itself but rather fanon's portrayal of the ship and the characters #for that reason lemme also tag this as #wank.mp3 #feel free to disagree of course but please be civil #and if you need to rant about how wrong i am without any convincing evidence kindly feel free to make your own post. peace and love <3 #fandom.rtf #meta dissertations.pdf #shut up haydar #edit: for full disclosure. i do rather dislike this ship. but obviously it's fine for anyone to enjoy it. please do! have your fun! #it's just that as usual! popular fanon and fandom around a ship is what has completely deterred me from any sense of enjoyment of it #it's a shame too because i was very open and even eager for some mizu/akemi romance in the future #but out-of-character fanon + the rudeness of certain fans has definitely soured it for me #but that doesn't mean people can't enjoy it obviously! ship and let ship!!! #plus it has its appeal which i DO STILL see and enjoy!!!! #i would even go as far as to call them soulmates because their narratives and characters are LITERALLY intertwined!!! #but. yeah. my gradual distaste for this ship is indeed very unfortunate.

[clownsuu]

Have you read any welcome home fanfics? What ones to you like or would recommend? Love your art btw! :)

Iv read a few! Though sadly there is very little of what I’d like to read, so I can’t really say any recommendations as of current 😔🥄🥄

also take some sleep deprived doodles JDGDDDH

cw obsessive behavior

He just like me fr fr

#Howdy my beloved #Note to self I need to draw the oTHERS MOOOOORE #BUT I KEEP GETTING “NO THOUGHTS ONLY HOWDY” #PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN #welcome home #welcome home howdy #welcome home wally #howdy pillar #wally darling #wallypillar #Also also the ones I read is mostly just ships #I’m not a big character x y/n fan (no hate to those who enjoy it- personally it breaks immersion too much for me) #(Plus every time (without fail) I see “y/n” I keep reading it as “yknow” LmAOO)

[jacqcrisis]

I can't stop thinking about the rings on Hermes' fingers. I can't. Whats the story behind those? Did he start wearing them because Charon gave them to him as a job well done? The weirdest gift imaginable to your professional associate?

Did Hermes steal them to be a cheeky bastard and got them fitted and put them on for the jokes? Did he start wearing them apropos of nothing? Just happen to start accessorizing like his professional associate? Is it part of a shared uniform? Can we see the employee handbook?

Did Charon go out and get rings commissioned to look exactly like his for not one, but two of his partner in crimes' fingers, slide each lovingly onto Hermes' corresponding digits, and then gently hold his now bejeweled hands in his own to see how they match, knowing Hermes will now carry something of Charon with him when he leaves him for his dangerous work?

I'm just. Asking. Questions. But I swear to God, if we get Charon's portrait and he has a feather or an orange ribbon somewhere on his person, I will be inconsolable for days.

#charmes #hades game #hades 2 #charon hades #hermes hades #i dont even necessarily want answers to these questions #i enjoy that this ship is about piecing together a scattered puzzle and inferring something from it #they dont even need to be canon for me to go feral again #so long as they still just as weird about each other as the first game and the same kind of mystery surrounds their partnership #ill be so happy without my favorite boys being canon #but dear god if they are. if we get even a scrap of them being explicitly sweet to each other #i just AH ill be ripping and tearing at shit #im gunna write fic again i can feel it in me bones

[ryllen]

A question I have just recently,

can Sebek handle spicy?

this is what i generally think of fae.

tho i think,

lilia knows spicy spices from his travel.

even tho in dragon form, malleus breathes fire from his mouth, and fire is hot, it might be like the kind of fire that doesn't hurt him in the first place

sebek father might bring spicy spice from human world with him, but since i think of him as a mellow man, he might not be interested in spicy food in the first place

#honestly it makes me wonder all the nrc students ability to handle spiciness & i wish everyone would start putting them into tiers #twst #twisted wonderland #do i tag this as sebek #i do want to know what others think of him #sebek zigvolt #i think the octas would be very bad at it #but floyd probably keeps on challenging it so he gains tolerance over it #riddle would be very bad with it #ace would be pretty good #but deuce would be a little less #or do u think punk him would dare other punks on spicy food #who would shed tears #who would break a sweat #who would eat like it's nothing #who would wail asking the great seven to take them to the after world #i am just wondering bcs of the rabbit sausage roll in deuce hometown #leona who never lift a finger finally break a sweat from spicy food #who knows we even see tears in his eyes while he endures it silently #can vil stay beautiful eating spicy food #despite his tough claim can epel handle spicy #anyhow do u know there's samyang 1/2 spicy now #that's the only one i can eat without suffering like actually enjoying it #idia i feel like he would wrinkle from spicy food #but what if he is some connoisseur of instant noodles so he had been eating spicy ones quite a lot #my brother always love to see me suffer over spiciness

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

Heroes of Millennium (HoM) AU

Act 1: What was left behind. - Part 1 <- Part 2 <- Part 3 <- Part 4 <- Part 5 <- Part 6 (here)

Act 1, Omake: Master of Time - read here

#hom au #heroes of millennium au #danny phantom #dp #danny fenton #jake long #american dragon jake long #adjl #rc9gn #randy cunningham 9th grade ninja #randy cunningham #rc9gn first ninja #first ninja #aaaaaaand scene! WE MADE IT FOLKS!!! ACT 1 aka SORTA INTRO IS DONE and all before 2023 ended! #its an accoplishment for me to finish any comic project so im very proud <;) thank you everyone who liked reblogged and left comments #im very happy to know there are people enjoying this! and future kudos to all people who might enjoy it in the future ;D #now lets hope i actually figure out how to go about act 2 lol #also of course it wouldnt be me drawing anything rc9gn related without inserting first hAH its i m p o r t a n t

[lil-lemon-snails]

Have some low-quality sun screenshots while i stress over colour palettes :)

vvv

Went through SO MANY stages w this design and i'm still not 100% about it BUT- progress is being made (maybe)

Witness my pain

#i just! don't know if i like sun in shorts asdkjgjs #but the silhouettes get kind of crazy without them raghghgg #also the GRIP pink/orange/blue colour palettes have on me-- i need to reel myself in #so much to do!! so much to edit!! the mental list is long but i'm enjoying sharing the progress :3 #okay enough rambling in the tags #for now... #divine circus au #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf dca #fnaf security breach #fnaf sun #digital art #dca au #snailems art tag

[gunstellations]

In the world I love

_

In a different world

#vanitas no carte #vanoé #doomed yaoi save me...save me doomed yaoi #play on the opening song + visual sequence + the fact that vanitas could only ever be happy in an alternate universe also #+ the other fun little fact we learn about him from episode one #i have complex feelings about this anime #its pretty damn fucking good #but im a leeeeetle iffy about the way it developed the female characters.....they had potential and i was actually excited to #to see some good solid female characters even the respective romances with their l/i's felt good at the start #not jeanne obv. they fucked up a perfectly good woman and her whole dynamic with v could have gone sooo well without the reall #really forced flirting behaviour.... i liked the more serious relationship they had it made me actually not hate what they had at the start #but yknow. whatever. sorry about going off about another ship on this but im just....i love jeanne a lot. i wish they didnt do her so dirty #my girl deserves better than this asshole #you want white/black dynamics??? let her get married to domi and then we can talk #i enjoy this show and i enjoy vanoe a lot #very yuriyaoi if you ask me #my art

[ficsinhistory]

You know what makes me sad about this scene?

It's just that Gwen can stick to surfaces, she doesn't need the webs, the whole being a spider thing and yada yada. Even Miles is at ease, hanging on to one and all.

But the Williamsburg Bank Buildin is the same place where Emma Stone's Gwen died. A Gwen died in the same place and our Gwen is, and she is so terrified of her whole canon thing that even in a relaxed, nice and romantic moment with Miles, she feels like she needs to prevent herself from dying just by being there.

#across the spiderverse #gwen stacy #gwiles #ghostflower #miles x gwen #imagine you can't even enjoy a moment with your best friend without thinking about death looming over you #That with you being 16 #Miguel you gonna hear me!

[sneez]

my lord of autism

#discworld #havelock vetinari #artwork #i have read. A Lot of discworld this year #i just finished the watch series so im moving on to moist next. very excited for moist #anyway i love 100% of the characters but vetinari is probably my favourite hes a massive bitch i love him #other characters who are my favourites include sybil angua carrot and constable visit. and vimes but he goes without saying #also vetinari is about as close to canonically acearo and autistic as a character has been since sherlock holmes which means da world 2 me #i was talking about this yesterday but i think him and holmes would get along. steepling their fingers at each other #i have a lot of thoughts about vetinari but i cant really express any of them i just rotate him in my head often #i hope you are all doing well my friends and that you are enjoying the end of the year :D i luv you

[lgbtlunaverse]

It seems the dash has been talking about the Lan Xichen - Nie Huaisang post-canon dynamics and it's gotten me thinking about how discussion around post-canon Lan Xichen's absolutely horrendous mental state often center around the question of "who is Lan Xichen angry at and who does he feel guilty about" which, at its worst, seperates into 2 camps where according to one side he feels guilty about not protecting jgy and hates the Nies and, on the other side he has completely flipped on jgy and despises him now while being filled with regret towards both nmj and nhs.

And I dislike both of these takes not just because it often feels like people projecting their own Blorbo opinions onto Lan Xichen which is never a fun time but also because that central question is flawed to begin with. It treats anger and guilt like opposing emotions that can't coexist or, if they do, have to compete until one wins and cancels the other out.

And that's not how that... works.

To be clear, the reason why Lan Xichen is so supremely fucked up at the end of the story is that he believes on some level he fucked over everyone in this situation. And, even more importantly, that even with hindsight he can't actually think of what he should have done instead. Every attempt to do better by one seems to involve fucking over the others even more because these people were in conflict with each other and choosing one would mean standing against another

And none of this would actually stop him from feeling angry at any of them. It's not "who is he angry at and who does he feel guilty about" it's: "he is angry at everyone and feels an immediate and bone deep guilt for daring to think badly of them."

Speaking from personal experience here, but feeling like you're not allowed to be angry at someone because you wronged them really doesn't stop the feeling, it just maks you feel like shit for feeling it. And this is all worsened by the fact that what he's in seclusion for is, at the end of the day, a moral question of what he, Lan Xichen, did wrong and every single emotion serves as further proof of the ways he's failed them.

Is he angry at Jin Guangyao, for killing his oldest friend, using Lan xichen's trust in him to do it, and then lying to him about it and countless other things for a decade when Lan Xichen thought of him as the person he trusted the most in the entire world? Yeah. That's a thing people get angry about! Except Jin Guangyao also saved his life and protected and helped him more times than he can count and never ever hurt him and can Lan Xichen say the same? No. He had to clean A-Yao's blood off Shouyue, he has to be haunted by the fact that if he just hadn't listened to Huaisang- hadn't been just like everyone else, in the end, and believed a lie about Jin Guangyao just to think the worst of him- then Jin Guangyao might still be alive.

Is he angry at Huaisang? For orchestrating the death of his best friend? For making him do it? For knowing what the real cause behind Nie Mingjue's death was and never telling him until he found out in the absolute worst way? Absolutely. But didn't Huaisang hide it from him for a reason? Wasn't it his clan's techniques and his personal faith in Jin Guangyao that cost Huaisang his brother? How dare he demand that Huaisang let him in on the secret of his brother's murderer when Lan Xichen is here wondering about how he should have protected that murderer better!

And I do even think he's angry at Nie Mingjue, sometimes I think it's pretty normal to be angry at your friend for kicking your other friend down the stairs and threatening to kill him, even when you know his mind is being poisoned. And years later the last thing he ever saw of Nie Mingjue was Nie Mingjue's thoughtless corpse coming to kill him before Jin Guangyao pushed him away and then proceeded to graphocally snap Jin Guangyao's neck in front of him. And if what he wants to do is protect Jin Guangyao, shouldn't he be mad at Mingjue? Didn't this whole mess start because Jin Guangyao was afraid Nie Mingjue was going to kill him?

Except holy shit, can you imagine? Lan Xichen feels like he personally has Nie Mingjue's blood on his hands. Your oldest friend is killed in front of you and you happily believe it's an accident for 11 years and now you think you have the right to be mad at him? You watched him get worse as he was being poisoned and attributed it to his illness and not to the techniques stolen from your library with the token you give his murderer. Does he think Nie Mingjue knew who he was in that moment and wanted to kill him? That he blamed Lan Xichen for his death? (For the record, I don't. I don't agree with most of what Lan Xichen thinks about himself, but I've been in a self-blame spiral and I know how it feels)

But what was he supposed to do then? Choose Mingjue's side and let A-Yao die? That's also unacceptable. But so is letting Jin Guangyao get away with it. Every single outcome is unacceptable. And really, if Jin Guangyao felt like he had to kill Nie Mingjue to save himself, when it was Lan Xichen who was supposed to keep the peace between them, isn't that another mark of his failure? That he couldn't protect Jin Guangyao well enough that he felt he had to do something so horrible?

But that's not an answer! He's supposed to know what he should have done different, and all he can come up with is "what you were already doing, but without failing this time" He can't pick a side because that means betrayal, but he's already tried not picking a side and it ended like this! There is no right answer, which can only leave him with the idea that he was simply doomed to hurt the people he loved from the start. No wonder the guy looks like shit when we see him post-canon. They put him in a real life trolley problem and gave him the lever as a souvenir.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #lan xichen #nie huaisang #jin guangyao #meng yao #nie mingjue #personally i LOVE high stakes ethical dilemma tragedies where there's not a clear right or wrong #and i can enjoy them without picking a side because it's fiction to me and i can admire the complex web of love hurt and betrayal from afar #but this is lan xichen's actual life. he HAS to have an answer to this question in a way I don't #but there isn't one