#even when we don't talk i still think of you fondly!!! i always hope you are doing well <3

[mayonakano-archive]

i'm gonna cry omg</33 i missed you too. wait i... :,)

don't cry ;w; you are just very beloved to me <3

#even when we don't talk i still think of you fondly!!! i always hope you are doing well <3 #kippy ⚡ #leo.asks!

[luveline]

omg jade for a miguel x spider girl what if they’re spending the night together and she’s sleep talking and miguel is like ???? i sleep talk and it’s silly sometimes 😆

Miguel latches the door lock gently. Your snores echo in the silence of his apartment, huffing things that tell him you're laying on your back before he sees you. You've kicked the sheets down to the bottom of the bed, and your pyjama shorts are falling off of one hip and tucked too high on one leg, exposing the expanse of your thigh. Alarm clock light shines champagne on your skin and the graphic printed on your shirt, the super powered puppy dog you love so much barking one of his catchphrases: Chāojí wāngwāng!

He scrubs at his face. Things are rough lately. He hoped you'd be awake still to talk to, even if it was about nothing at all. He just wanted to hear your voice. 

My own fault, he thinks, walking quietly to the dresser to change into his own pyjamas. They match yours. If anyone ever saw them he's not sure how he'd feel, but they were a necessary purchase at the time. You'd been morose about something, and matching made you happy.

Miguel changes and combs his hair haphazardly. He sprays some deodorant in want of a shower he's too tired for before he crosses back to the end of the bed, taking the blanket into his hands. He shakes it out over you, covering you once again. Then he rounds the bed and climbs in next to you, hooking his arm around you to drag you firmly into his side. 

“Couldn't wait up for me?” he whispers, shifting to get comfortable in the mess of pillows you insisted on. You lift your head like you might kiss him, and for a selfish second he hopes you're awake, but then you breathe out another snore. 

You're heavy when you sleep. He makes sure you're not about to suffocate on his chest and encourages your arm into a more comfortable position. Your chest half on his chest and side, your face in his neck, you look like a rom-com couple from one of your under the desk movies, but Miguel's far less comfortable. He'd wanted to be close to you, but he's wondering if he should've just spooned you. 

“Miguel,” you say, your voice a croak in the dark.

He chuckles in surprise. “What?” he whispers. 

You mumble. He brushes a hand up your face to draw your head back, thumb on your cheek. Your eyes stay closed. 

What the… 

“Hello?” he whispers. 

You don't answer. Perhaps you'd woken for a split second and sensed him, or perhaps you're having a dream. You love to tell him about your dreams in the mornings, occasionally shaking him awake to tell him before you forget. He's always pissed to begin with, endeared by the end, pissed again when he sees the time. 

He closes his eyes and decides he'll miss you by himself for a bit. 

Your voice comes in a muffled squishing atop his chest, “It's his car.” 

He blinks. “That so?” 

“For the commute.” Your whispering turns intense, “He has to drive there, Miguel.” 

Well, in whatever dream you're having, you're talking to him. He quite likes knowing that. “Where's he going, cariño?” he asks, picking the spot on your forehead a moment before he kisses it fondly. 

You make this sound that he only ever hears when you're tired and he's touching you in ticklish places, a gurgle of a laugh as you nuzzle into his chest. “Stop…” you say playfully. 

This is ridiculous. 

Miguel's getting jealous of dream Miguel. Who does that guy think he is? You laugh, say something completely unintelligible, and jolt up hard enough to startle him. 

“Ah!” you say, eyes finally opening, blinking down at him with a slowness that almost looks painful. “...Miguel?” 

“What is wrong with you?” 

“We were… uh…” You blink at him some more, your arm shaking with fatigue where you anchor yourself on the mattress. He slides a hand under your armpit to hold you up. “I think I was dreaming.” 

“You were talking to me.” 

“I was?” You lean down into your hand, rubbing your eyes. 

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, I'm just… that was so weird…” You seem strangely unsettled. Miguel helps you onto your back but keeps an arm behind you so he can hold you. You're content to be held, pushing one leg over the other, speaking into his chest. “You were tickling me.” 

“Sorry,” he finds himself saying, giving you a pat. “I won't do it anymore, cariño. You can go back to sleep.” 

“Thanks, Miguel,” you mumble. 

He waits for you to doze off, but your heart seems to be beating too quickly. Maybe dream Miguel drove you both off a cliff. “You want me to kiss you?” he asks. 

“Yeah,” you mumble, tipping your head up. 

He kisses your forehead. A long, slow press of the lips with no end in sight. Invigorated by your contended sigh, he kisses you again, again, these lazy gentle mouthings that barely count as kisses at all as he tugs the blanket up to cover your collar. You make a sound like a hiccup caught in your throat and before he knows it, you're sleeping again. You sleep soundly for the rest of the night, or he thinks so. He falls asleep not long after you with his lips still pressed to your forehead, so there's no way to know for sure. 

#miguel and spidergirl reader #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara x you #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara x fem!reader #miguel o’hara #miguel o’hara fanfiction #miguel o’hara fanfic #miguel o’hara fic #miguel o’hara drabble #miguel o’hara scenario #miguel o’hara blurb #miguel o’hara oneshot #spider-man: across the spider-verse #spider-man: across the spider-verse fanfiction #miguel ohara x reader #miguel ohara x you #miguel ohara x y/n #miguel ohara x fem!reader #miguel ohara #miguel ohara fanfiction #miguel ohara fanfic #miguel ohara fic #miguel ohara drabble #miguel ohara scenario #miguel ohara blurb #miguel ohara oneshot

[sukunasun]

i always thought of dilf geto suguru loving skin-to-skin contact with his newborn baby😔❤ with the twins by mama's bedside as she rests from the birth days ago while suguru, shirtless, sits at a chair nearby, lovingly cradling his baby, who only has a diaper and a cap, in his chest looking at his family with so much love in his eyes

dilf nanamin too....skin-to-skin contact with his baby in the nursery as mama rests in their room hhhhhh why arent they real :*(

"we're not having a baby," you tell him time and time again. and geto just chuckles then, getting lost in the smell of your shampoo, in the lingering perfume by the nape of your neck, arms encircling your waist, and just...accepting it as fact. he's content with this. he's already got two beautiful girls who call him by the name papa, so why should he want more. he doesn't. he's sure of it.

then he'd pull back, looking to where his forearm rests against your middle, bringing his palm down to your lower belly and kinda...feeling the space there. wishing and wishing, that tug in his chest calling out to him, urging him, "what if..." he whispers, words caught in his throat, unable to say the rest of that sentence for fear of what might come next. your reaction, your rejection...would be too hard to bear.

and you know what exactly it is because you've seen the way he lingers just a little bit longer inside you every time he finishes, eyes staring at what's not there. lost in a daze, in his own world imagining his release taking root with hands splayed across your womb. for a second picturing you full with his child, glowing and resting under warm blankets, burrowing in soft pillows, waddling around your kitchen in the middle of the night hoping to satisfy a craving. he'll stop at nothing to deliver, not even if he has to make a drive out or if he needs to pay extra for same-day shipping.

you'd smell so good, feel so soft...my wife, my wife, my wife—is pregnant. she's carrying my child. he won't stop saying it, he wants it so much... and he knows you've talked about it, you don't need to have a baby now, had agreed that your parenting days are yet to be over anyway. of course, you'd want a little baby made up of the two of you, but the thought of going through a pregnancy is a lot. or at least, just for now. "its for the best," you tell him while on your tip toes, leaning in to kiss the pout off his face, "besides, we could still make babies, isn't that the fun part?" so he'll swallow it down. you'll seduce him, and the both of you will forget about it for the time being.

but his want only grows stronger. you'd see it on his face, in the way he looks at the pamphlets at the nursery when he drops the girls off, at the squirming little bundles in incubators and carriers, newborns swaddled in pink and blue, he stares at strollers by a display window and when they cross him by on the street, his fingers caressing the wool straps of a onesie at a store as he sighs fondly. "how cute..." he mutters, in awe of the detail and the craftsmanship at work, olive greens and navy blues with the cutest embroidered stitches of flowers and woodland creatures, "this would keep him warm...a warm portable boy..." he chuckles to himself, doesn't even realize the things he says, or that he says it aloud, but your heart clenches at the thought...would it be so bad to give him another.

and maybe you should have seen it coming, but the two of you weren’t the most particular when it came to protection, and by the time winter arrives, your belly swells and so do your ankles. “this kid doesn’t move or make a sound, i think he’s only kicked once the past six months,” geto says from behind you, his hands feeling over your bump. and you sigh, leaning back into his hold, about to nod off into slumber when he feels so warm, so comfy, relieved when he takes some of the weight off in his arms, lifting your belly up and keeping it there.

“you’re just looking out for mama aren’t you?” you coo, hand over geto’s and at that very second, your baby kicks and you both feel it in your palms. “im thinking he’s a mama’s boy," he laughs, can’t stop caressing where his baby’s foot had been. grinning wide, you admit to him something you already know, “you're gonna be his favourite...i feel him responding to your voice more, and he'll be just like you…i bet you’d been a quiet baby yourself…”  

he's not geto when he holds his baby for the first time. special grade curse user or villain extraordinaire, but suguru...just suguru holding a baby in his arms while he gingerly feels the fine hairs, fixing the little cap atop their head, watching as a tiny fist wraps around his one index finger. oh, his heartbeat pounds when they gurgle and fidget, pulse jumping with sudden fear, before he calms again, smiling, cooing at them, a steady lup-dup, lup-dup beats through the cotton, soft and constant against his palm, trailing up his fingers, and down his spine. a life he holds onto. a life he's made.

#its geto day!! heres a soft one... #3 feb is the best day of the year...sunny celebrates her bday and so does her husband #anw will probably post more throughout the day but soz anon for ignoring nanami i shall post him sometime in the future but for now #this is a geto girls only event if ur not a geto girl go home #sunpiece #geto suguru #geto suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen fic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen hcs #geto suguru hcs #geto suguru fic

[takemehomefromnarnia]

10 years of Rainbow Direction!

Exactly 10 years ago a girl named Danny printed out this rainbow poster and took it to the first concert of One Direction's Where We Are tour:

Anniversaries are always a bit arbitrary, and Rainbow Direction's was always a hard one to pin down.

This blog is just a day or two short of celebrating 11 years and without it Rainbow Direction would have never existed, because the people who were at the start of it would never have met, but its purpose and setup were entirely different and RD was still far from being developed.

The suggestions that eventually took form in "Project Rainbow Direction" were first submitted to the blog in late 2013. The first brainstorm between Kat, Li and Ellis about it, and further strategy talks with Ed and Molly took place in the early months of 2014. The project was announced in February. Haven and Red submitted their winning poster designs in March. Amy developed a logo and opened a merch store for us in early April.

While we've often referred to that midnight brainstorm on a cold January day as the origin of rainbow direction, that was only its conception. We don't even have a record of which date it was. We could also have chosen any of the more pin-downable dates: announcing the project, announcing the poster contest winners, opening the store. But really, all that Rainbow Direction was at those moments, was an idea, a plan, the hope that we had that it was within our, the fandom's power, to change something for the better for the LGBTQIA+ fans in it.

For months all of us, and especially Li, had worked tirelessly to encourage people to sign up and commit to bringing a rainbow poster to a show.

And then the big moment was there. First day of tour. The moment of truth. Would the people we'd encouraged actually have the courage to take a rainbow to a show, and stick it up in the air? Would it matter to people? Would it actually change something?

10 years on, we know that it did. So much more than we could ever have imagined.

But that was was anything but self-evident at the time. We had no idea. We nervously monitored the wwa tag and the blogs of those who had signed up, and then, after a few days, finally this report appeared. Danny from Bogota shared the first Rainbow Direction fan report.

I think if you'd ask any of us who were here at the time, they'd remember fondly how knowing that someone had actually done it, something happened in the real world, and if one person had done it, more would, how that sparked a fire in our hearts. A ball of warm feelings, not quite the same feeling as before. Before, there had been buzz and excitement and drive, but this, this felt different. Hope. A sense of the personal strength, and collective power, that could come from this if we could make it grow. It took a lot of hard work from a lot of people who committed themselves tirelessly to the campaign, but grow it did.

Thanks to Danny. Thanks to all of you who at some point or other, crafted something rainbow at home, took a rainbow to a show, put a rainbow on your blog, showed that you believed in your own power to change something, and showed the LGBTQI+ people in the fandom that they mattered, and that you cared.

It has been quite the roller coaster ride. As the coordinating group, we've had many ups and downs, and by now, for most of us, our attention has been drawn away from the fandom by our real lives and new pursuits. But regularly, when one of us checks in and sees the rainbows at one of the boys' shows, we share, revel, and sit amazed at how this thing, that once took so much effort on our part to get one, two, three people per show signed up, has grown into a regular staple, with people spontaneously taking it upon themselves to organize for entire venues to light up in a coordinated rainbow pattern, to design new posters and rainbow outfits, or to hand out hundreds of mini rainbow flags in the audience. This community has taken it up as its collective responsibility - let's get those rainbows out. How beautiful is that?! You are all so so amazing.

Thank you, you beautiful people, for becoming a part of this, for making it your own, for making it better, for carrying it forward, into the future.

So long!

#rainbow direction #one direction #rainbow project #harry styles #louis tomlinson #niall horan #liam payne #zayn malik

[fivestar-outlaw]

New Horizons (Park Seonghwa) (Ch. 3)

Chapter 3: Scorpions

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Fem!Reader

Words: 3.5K+

Warning(s): insecurities and discussion of insecurities, angst, someone's rude to MC :( (None of the guys), slight hurt/comfort, dumbdumbs in love but dont realize each others feelings

A/N: Here is chapter 3. I think this one is the second hardest to write (The fourth chapter is kicking my ass rn). I'm not sure how I am feeling about this chapter? I had like three/four different ideas for it. Sooo I did a 'spin the wheel' and went with what it landed on for this lol. I feel like this is the weakest chapter but it has some charm. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy <3

Reader is implied to be living in the US bc uh TIMEZONES ARE FUCKY and i didnt realize how reliant i was on mine (PST) when looking up KST

Summary: Attempting an all-nighter while playing Animal Crossing alongside your bias, you didn't expect your turnip prices to be such a high amount... nor did you expect Park Seonghwa to actually accept your offer to sell his turnips on your island.

Series Masterlist | Navigation

"I can't tell her, Woo." Seonghwa sighed.

Wooyoung nearly ripped out his hair at the very similar phrase he has heard you tell him before. The others all groaned as they lounged around in the recording room, 10 minutes before they needed to start recording and re-recording lines for their last song on the next album.

It was now February, two months since Seonghwa figured out his feelings towards you that night you fell asleep on video call. He immediately told Wooyoung the next day he had been right and ever since then, the younger has been trying to push Hwa into confessing. He even tried assuring the older male that you most likely returned his feelings without giving away you told Wooyoung you developed a crush on Hwa just a few days before Hwa told him.

Woo's mind thought back to his conversation with you a week ago.

"I don't think he likes me like that, Woo. No matter how much you tell me." He heard you say with a dejected tone through the call. He had snuck away on his own during practice, having the choreography down before the others. "I mean, I met him as a fan. I don't want him to think I offered him to sell turnips for this outcome."

"I don't think he assumes any ulterior motives, (Y/N)." He said softly. "He speaks fondly of you."

"And that's another thing. He is Seonghwa. He is the super kind, very lovable, handsome, and talented guy who loves to mimic his villagers, build Legos, and is an all around great person. It's hard not to fall in love with him... and then there is me. The average looking, college student working at the local bookstore. I feel so inadequate-"

"Hey. Don't speak like that about yourself." He scolded, his tone and facial expression serious. "You are amazing. You are beautiful. You've been a great friend and we all deeply appreciate and love you."

"Sorry." You sigh. "I just... I want to believe you, but it's hard, you know?"

"I get it, I do. Just... keep thinking on it, okay?" Wooyoung smiled sadly. He could see the self-doubt was still eating at you and his words didn't fully penetrate the self-conscious wall you built up. He just hoped you'd keep holding out long enough for him to try and push Seonghwa into confessing.

"Okay, why not then?" Yuhno asked, exasperated.

"It's clear she only views me as a friend. And I am fine with that."

"You don't know that for sure, hyung." San offered a kind smile.

"Are you guys sure (Y/N) likes me like that?" Hwa gave them each a pointed look. Everyone tried arguing that it was clear to them you did, though the only one who knew for sure was Wooyoung. "I... I truly come to appreciate her and every time we speak I feel like I am falling further and further for her. She is sweet, funny, gorgeous, and I feel my heart is always about to burst when talking with her..."

"He's a love sick puppy." Yeosang teased, making everyone chuckle. The eldest's face adorned a bright blush but he made no attempt argue against the notion.

"It's adorable seeing you crush so hard on someone, hyung." Mingi cooed.

"Why not try and talk to her now? It should be..." Hongjoong looked at the time, seeing that it was nearly 10am for them. "... about 6pm for her. Try gauging her feelings for you and bring up wanting her to visit next month for her spring break."

"I don't know..." The eldest unlocked his phone and had your contact pulled up. Wooyoung immediately moved spots and sat next to Seonghwa.

"Seonghwa-hyung, just go for it. We are all here cheering you on." Jongho smiled softly and the others nodded in agreement.

"And its not like your confessing now either. We've told you the signs, now watch for them." Wooyoung added. The others decided to join in on the call, hoping to catch anything that gave away you had feelings for their friend.

Seonghwa took in a deep breath before slowly exhaling as he pressed the call button. He felt two large hands on both shoulders pat him and give a firm squeeze as he slowly extended his arm to make sure everyone could be visible to some extent. He felt anxiety building up with each ring, waiting anxiously for you to pick up.

They all smile when you finally pick up. You were sitting at your desk, adding what looked like the finishing touches of your makeup on your face. You looked at the camera with a small smile before you looked down, picking up a tube of lipstick.

"Hello boys. Usually you text me before you start a call. What's going on?" You ask, eyes flickering to the phone again before you focus on your hand mirror.

Seonghwa felt Wooyoung nudge him off camera. "I wanted to check in on you, (Y/N), and they all decided to join me."

"Aw, really?" Your face seemingly brightened at the fact and the eldest could feel Jongho on his left excitedly tap his leg.

"Compliment her, Hwa." Hongjoong hissed into his ear, a toothy grin was on his face as an attempt to mask any suspicion.

"Did one of you say something?"

"O-oh it must of cut out." Seonghwa nervously chuckled. "I said you look amazing. Is there a special occasion going on?"

You got a bit bashful and smiled, though everyone could tell it didn't fully reach your eyes. "I got asked out on a date."

Seonghwa felt like he was punched in the gut.

But his face remained soft with a smile.

"Really? Who is the person?" He asked, his voice steady.

The others eyed him in concern but did their best to mask it while on video.

"His name is Charlie. He is in my English course this semester. We worked on some in-class assignments together a few times before he asked me out today."

"I'm happy to hear. Well, we better get going. We are about get to recording." Hongjoong could pick up some shakiness in Hwa's voice. "Have fun and please periodically message me, just to give me peace of kind on your safety."

"Thank you, Seonghwa, and I will." You gave them a wave goodbye before hanging up the phone.

It was silent in the room. Seonghwa slowly lowered his arm, resting his phone and hands in his laps. The smile he had dropped just as slowly as he took in a deep, trembling breath.

"Hwa, are you okay?" Hongjoong hesitated, placing his hand on his friends shoulder.

"Yes. I'm fine, Joong." He asserted, getting up from the couch.

"Are you sure?" San asked.

Languidly, the eldest turned to face the rest. Their breaths caught in their throats. His eyes were full of tears, his lips were quivering as he still maintained his smile.

"I told you guys I am just a friend to her. And I will be fine with that." He sniffled, one tear rolling down his cheek. He hastily wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. "Please, lets drop it and get work done today."

"Of course, hyung." Yuhno spoke with a comforting voice and stood up, wrapping an arm around the older males shoulders. "Lets grab some waters together." Carefully, the taller of the two led Hwa out of the room. The second the door closed, everyone exhaled.

"Maybe...Maybe we were wrong." Jongho mumbled.

"No we weren't." Wooyoung insisted, pulling out his phone.

"Wooyoung-" San tried to speak but the younger male kept talking.

"We weren't! (Y/N) told me herself she likes Seongwa!" The others watched as he called you, pressing speakerphone.

The phone rung a few times when they hear the line click.

"It's just me, (Y/N)." Woo gave the others a look to be quiet. "What was that? What do you mean date?"

"Exactly that, Youngie." You sighed, your voice sounding as if it lacked any confidence.

"But you like Seonghwa... You love him."

"... I do." The others in the room looked at each other in shock, their eyes wide.

"Then why did you agree to the date, (Y/N)?"

There was a moment of tense silence before you spoke again, starting your sentence off with a sniffle.

"Because I can't logically believe he likes me the same way. He just see's me as a friend and I just feel so inadequate to be on any level with him." You faltered. "I don't have any particular feelings for Charlie but I... I just wanted to try to get over loving Hwa."

"(Y/N)..."

"I need to get going Woo. I'll... message you tomorrow." Before he could say anything more you hung up.

The room was just as tense as before. No one knew what to say. Wooyoung pressed his lips tightly together as he kept his own tears at bay. When they heard the door open everyone else started getting up and getting ready to start recording. Seonghwa looked to have calmed down. Wooyoung refused to look at his oldest hyung until he could calm down.

---

After the video call with Ateez and the call with Wooyoung, you decided to try to to push any negative thought aside and finish getting ready. You put together a outfit that wasn't too fancy but still looked nice. You styled your hair the way you liked most for things like this. Overall, despite the heavy heart, you felt cute. You left your place with an Uber, figuring you may have something alcoholic to drink, with enough time to get to the restaurant on time, sending a message to Seonghwa letting him know you were heading there...

You glanced at the clock on your phone for the umpteenth time. It had been an hour since your uber dropped you off at the restaurant, 50 minutes since you were sat down at a table, and 35 minutes since that sinking feeling in your gut that you had been stood up started kicking in.

You sighed dejectedly as you finished paying for the meal you ordered. You may have been stood up but you weren't going to let that stop you from a nice meal. Luckily your waitress was kind and nobody paid you much mind. You felt that any pity sent your way would make you feel worse.

You slowly walked outside the restaurant, your phone out as you get ready to order another uber, when you heard loud cackling. Your head turned to the left and just a few cars down in the parking lot was Charlie in a car full of people. They were all laughing and looking at you.

It felt like a bucket of ice water was poured over you.

Ignoring them and the button to confirm the uber, you started walking in the direction of your apartment. You needed to get away. You could feel your chest tightening with humiliation and panic.

"Oh come on, (Y/N). It was a joke!" You heard Charlie yell but you just kept walking. You heard the car roar with life and could hear from their rolled down window various jokes directed at you.

They all cackled and decided that was enough teasing. Charlie then nearly squealed his tires as he drove away. The tears you kept at bay finally spilled over. You hiccupped as you glanced down at your phone. It was 8pm for you, which meant it would be around noon for him.

You didn't think, really. You just knew you needed to hear his low toned, comforting voice. You opened your phone and immediately dialed Seonghwa, pressing your cell to your ear as you walked back to your place. You felt pathetic but you knew you needed to speak to someone or else you would be a sobbing mess if you were left to stew.

---

It was lunch time in the canteen area at KQ when Seonghwa heard his phone ring. His brows furrowed when he saw your name on the screen. He finished his last bite and quickly wiped off any possible crumbs on his hands with a napkin.

"Didn't she leave for her date like an hour ago?" Mingi tilted his head, everyone else had a confused look.

Seonghwa pressed the green answer button and raised his phone to his ear.

"(Y/N)?" His voice with smooth and low. "You're calling me so soon-"

"Seonghwa..." He heard your voice trembling, making him freeze. His face must of gave away to the others something was wrong, as they stared at him intently.

"Hold on, (Y/N). Let me go somewhere private." He quickly got up fron his seat and wasted no time getting into the hallway where there were less people. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"I-I got stood up." You sniffled.

"What?"

"I sat there for an hour looking like a fool. And then... And then I went to leave and I saw him outside in his car with his friends." Seonghwa could feel his blood start to boil with anger. "They laughed at me. They made fun of me." He could hear you take in a shuddering breath.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm walking home..."

"How long until you get back?"

"Maybe... Maybe 10 or 15 more minutes?"

"Stay on the phone with okay? I want to make sure you get home safe." He needed to take deep breaths to stay calm. In the corner of his eye he saw the others leave the canteen, though they stayed back, giving him and you some privacy.

"I just don't get what I did wrong to-"

"You did nothing wrong, (Y/N). Don't start blaming yourself for some asshole's behavior." He glanced to his friends, feel a pinch of confidence. "You are a wonderful person. It's his loss."

There was silence for a moment.

"Did I interrupt work?" You asked in a small voice.

"No, I was just finishing lunch. Did you eat?"

"I had something small after I realized he wasn't showing up." Hwa felt some relief when he heard your voice getting steady. "I'll probably have some ice cream when I get home."

"It better not be mint chocolate chip." He joked and smiled when he heard you giggle. "You really did look amazing, by the way. You should send me and the group chat any selfies if you took any. I'm sure the others would like to see the full look."

"Really?" Your voice was meek.

"I would never lie to you... You truly look beautiful. You always do."

"Thank you, Hwa. I really needed to hear that, especially from you." He could hear your voice tremble again.

"Don't start crying because of me, jagiya." He gently teased, the petname slipping out seamlessly.

"Where are the others?"

"They are watching me down the hallway I'm in." He looked over and saw that they were still there. Wooyoung, San, and Jongho kept their eyes on him while the others were looking at their phones, occasionally looking back at the eldest.

"Am I keeping-"

"I want to be talking with you. They can all wait." Seonghwa huffed, which pulled a giggle from you. He was glad he was able to get you to cheer up, even if it was a miniscule amount. "They are very concerned for you though."

"You can tell them what happened. Woo will bug me when he can until I tell him."

"He is good at that isn't he?"

"Too good." You snort.

There was another moment of silence before Hwa spoke again.

"How close are you to home?"

"Uh..." You pause. "I'm pretty close. I'm passing the park thats nearby. I'll probably be there in two minutes."

"Good." He hummed. "I'm glad you called me."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Besides enjoying the sound of your voice, I am glad you felt comfortable enough during this vulnerable time to reach out to me. It warms my heart."

"I'm glad you answered."

"For you? Always. Well, unless I am on stage or Joong is lecturing us." He couldn't help but beam when he got you to laugh again.

"I see my apartment. I'm walking up to the door now." Hwa heard your keys jingle in your hand. "I'll let you go now. Thank you for everything, Hwa."

"It wasn't a problem at all. I'll check in on you when I have the time okay?"

"You don't have to." He faintly heard you unlocking the door and then heard the door close.

"I want to." He smiled. "Get comfortable, have that ice cream, and smile for me okay, (Y/N)? I'll talk to you soon. Have a goodnight in case you fall asleep."

"Have a good rest of your day, Hwa." There was a lingering pause before you ended the call.

Seonghwa let out a deep sigh, his face dropping into a scowl as he pocketed his phone. The rest of Ateez took that as a sign to approach him. They nearly froze when they saw the angry look on his face.

"I'm going to need one of you to stop me from buying plane tickets right now." Hwa muttered.

"What happened?"

"Why are you so upset?"

"Is (Y/N) okay?"

Were questions all asked at the same time.

"Let's get back to the recording studio first." Hongjoong offered. It took a lot of restraint for them to not run down the hallways.

The second that door closed to the studio, everyone turned to look at Seonghwa, who still looked pissed off. He sat down on the couch staring past the glass that viewed the recording booth. He needed to take a moment to calm himself down.

"Did something happen to our dear (Y/N)?" Wooyoung sat next to the older male, looking at him with desperate eyes.

"She called me crying, saying her date stood her up." Seonghwa finally spoke. Everyone let out shocked noises and some curses. "That's not even the worst of it. She said he and his friends were waiting for her to come outside to make fun of her."

Wooyoung pulled out his cellphone. "I'm buying you and I plane tickets."

"Count me in, I want to beat that guys ass for making her upset." San sat on the other side of Seonghwa.

Hongjoong quickly snatched Wooyoung's phone.

"Hey-!"

"You won't be making a spontaneous trip to her place and you all are definitely not going off to fight this guy." He said, using his captain voice.

"Come on, hyung. It'll be worth it." Jongho tried bargaining but quickly stopped at the look he got from their leader.

"Seonghwa." Seonghwa's attention was on Hongjoong's face after he called his name. "You already did most of your recording today. Unless you want to hang out with those who still need to record and need to re-record, or do some choreography practice with Yuhno, you should head back to the dorm and spend some time with (Y/N)."

"Thank you, Joong." Seonghwa smiled and gathered his belongings.

"We want to spend time with her too." Wooyoung whined.

"Too bad. You're assisting Yuhno after you re-record your lines." The eldest male smiled at his friends playful banter as he left the room.

He quickly fished out his cell and called you as he walked down the hallway. He was heading to his managers office to get home. He wasn't entirely sure if he had the confidence to confess right now, nor did he want to spring on a confession to you after the night you had... but he wanted to let you know he would be there for you. That he would never let you feel less than or alone. That stupid guy lost his chance and Hwa wanted to be the one treasure you. He was going to confess and tonight would be the start to his plan to do so.

"Seonghwa?" Your voice sounded confused when you quickly answered.

"Hongjoong is giving me the rest of the day off. Do you want to watch a movie with me? Or we can play Animal Crossing? Whatever you want, I want to do it with you." He took in a deep breath. "I'll even pick up mint chocolate chip ice cream and we can eat it together."

You laughed. "Sure, I would love that."

There was a pause in the conversation. Seonghwa was now waiting in front of the manager's office.

"I have a question for you, (Y/N)." He wanted to wait for later to ask his question but Seonghwa felt he had the confidence to ask now.

"What is it?"

"You said you took time off work for your spring break next month, right?"

"Yes, I have the Friday before that week off to Monday after it. Why do you ask?"

"Come visit me." He was shocked he got it out.

"What?"

"Come to Korea and visit me. I'll help pay for the flight and you can stay with us at the dorm. Is the issue with your passport?"

"My passport is fine." You sighed and took a moment before speaking again. "Are you sure, Hwa? Are the others okay with that? What about-"

"Everything will be fine. The others, our manager, and I have already discussed this in length and will probably want to discuss with you later."

"Well..." You didn't speak, which had Seonghwa feeling rejection would soon follow. "I would love to."

"...Is this a yes?"

"Yes it is." You chuckled. "I've been actually thinking of planning a visit after I graduate in May, but honestly, the sooner the better."

"Make sure to message the others about this, they'll be so happy." He smiled, unable to hide his excitement. "I am about to leave the office here soon. I will call you when I am back at the dorm."

"Get back safely."

"Of course. I will talk to you soon."

"And- Fuck!" You swore loudly.

"Is something wrong?" Worry seeped into his veins at how your voice sounded.

"I got stung by scorpion while island hopping."

Taglist: @stopeatread@hee0soo@pocketjoong-reads@seonghwaddict@tridkeys

#ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #ateez fluff #ateez soft hours #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa imagines #seonghwa reactions #seonghwa fluff #ateez seonghwa #atz seonghwa #ateez park seonghwa #atz x reader #park seonghwa #park seonghwa x reader #ateez #ateez fanfic #atz #ateez imagine

[sorencd]

ART CLASS

pairing: neil perry x shy!f!reader

summary: you and neil talk about how you two acted around each other before you started dating.

word count: 0.7k

a/n: i lovr neil so much imghrhgfhr

"remember that one time you tried giving me chocolates on valentine's day?" neil said as he looked up from where he laid, his head was on your lap as you fiddled with his soft brown locks.

you two were under a tree, just enjoying each other's company. you were reading him a book before he suddenly brought up the memory of valentine's day.

"what? i gave you chocolates even back then?" you responded as you raised your eyebrows. you don't recall giving him anything before you two became a thing. you were too shy to even come close to him on your own accord, you needed your friends to force you to even be able to talk to him and whenever he gets into close proximity with you, you'd run away with red-tinted cheeks.

"yeah," he smiled fondly, remembering the memory with a lovesick grin on his face. "you almost tripped on your way back after you gave me the chocolates because of how fast you ran away." neil laughed─ his eyes crinkling and his hair turning into a light brown hue as the sun's rays that peaked from the leaves above shined onto the two of you.

your face flushed a crimson red as you finally recalled the moment, it was so long ago. you made your brain suppress the memory of you humiliating yourself and buried it in the back of your head but alas, your boyfriend made you recollect the whole thing. you didn't think he'd still remember that. you covered your face in embarrassment and groaned as neil's laughter got louder.

"i-i was scared of how you'd react!" you reasoned as a smile made its way to your lips when you looked at him, "you didn't have to remind me of that!"

"oh, i did have to remind you that. i couldn't forget about it, you looked really cute while handing it to me." he hollered. "you were as red as a strawberry!"

"at least i didn't fall off a tree when i was reading a poem." you said with a small smirk. "oh, the moon that shined brightly on my darkest days.." you teased as you repeated words from the poem he wrote and read to you when he first asked you out on a date. you could still remember him suddenly appearing on the tree branch that was by your window with that signature smile of his.

the laughter came to an abrupt end and it was neil's turn to be embarrassed. "i could still feel the pain from when i fell down."

you laughed, "or how about that time we bumped our heads when we first tried kissing?"

"i still remember the look on your face, love. you looked like you were about to explode." neil chuckled as he reached up to push back a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "i still have the drawing you gave me that day."

"you do?"

"yeah. i keep every single one of them."

you blushed red at neil's confession. you knew he kept the silly drawings you gave him. but you didn't think he kept all of them.

"i kept all of your poems, too. i have them all neatly compiled by date in my drawer."

you looked down again to see neil who was already looking at you, his eyes filled with affection and adoration. his already wide smile grew even wider when you made eye contact with him for the umpteenth time.

"i always read them, you know." you continued, "i read them every time i wake up, every night before bed, every after shower, i like them a lot!"

"i like you a lot." neil admitted with the softest expression on his features, he sat up and gently cupped the back of your neck to give you a kiss laced with love and fondness. your face which was already impossibly red grew to an even darker shade as you two stared at each other, love struck.

at that moment─ all the troubles in the world faded away into obscurity. the pressures and unfairness of life dissipating, leaving only you and neil alone. you hoped it'll stay this way, hoped that no one would take away the happiness and that feeling of content he gave you. hoped that neil would always stay by your side.

© sorencd . 2023 ─ do not copy, repost, translate or claim any of my works as your own.

#dead poets society #neil perry #neil perry x reader #dead poets society x reader

[marmorafarms]

"Good Boy" Sebastian x Cis female reader

This fic was requested by the lovely @darlingsama630

18+ ONLY please and thank you!

Summary: After a family dinner with the parents, you and Sebastian go home. Sebastian wants to know if he had been a good boy. You decide to respond accordingly.

Word count: 2,294 words

Warnings/content: fem dom, soft dom, sub Sebastian, face sitting, orgasm denial, cis female reader

I hope you enjoy!

"Thank you for dinner tonight Robin," you said warmly to your mother-in-law as you packed up to go home. You and Sebastian had been invited over to celebrate Demetrius' 50th birthday with a small get together. Demetrius was never one for huge celebrations, preferring to spend this time with family and family only.

"No need to thank me," Robin said kindly. "I'm just so glad you and Sebby showed up."

You turned to Demetrius, and shot him a gentle smile. "Happy Birthday Demetrius," you said. "I hope you had a great one!"

"Well, that rice pudding you made for me certainly made it better!" Demetrius said good naturedly. "I especially appreciated how practical your gift was. I always need a new journal to write notes in, and I hate frivolous items."

Robin rolled her eyes behind his back. Everyone in the room remembered with clarity the argument Robin and Demetrius had last year in front of the whole family. It was in regards to the new bed she had made. Demetrius had scoffed at how she chose beauty over function…though you still didn't understand that. It still did the job, it just looked pretty.

The whole situation had been awkward, and Demetrius left in a huff when you softly agreed with Robin that it was indeed a lovely bed. Maru had stared at the floor the whole time while Sebastian and Robin looked smug.

Sebastian had suggested you get him a pack of pencils since Demetrius always got annoyed when given anything that was deemed "not useful." You gave Sebastian a look, and he grumbled out that the two of you could buy him something a bit more personalized.

"You know," Robin said in a low voice as she walked you out the door, "You have been a fantastic influence on my son. To think your marriage started out with our husbands arguing over which spoon size was best…and has now bloomed into a wonderful birthday dinner without a single argument! Whatever magic you're working, keep it up!"

You laughed lightly, looking fondly at Sebastian who was politely pretending to understand an obscure science joke Maru had just made.

"I'll do my best," you said, and Robin grinned.

"I think it's your sweet and gentle nature that cools his heat," Robin mused. "I've never heard you raise your voice. When I first met you, I don't think I even heard you speak more than a few words to anyone in town!"

"I'm a bit shy, I'll admit it," you said bashfully. "I'm so grateful that this town has truly accepted me."

With one last hug from Robin and Maru, and a firm handshake with Demetrius, you and Sebastian headed back to the farmhouse. You talked casually about how it was nice to have everyone together again. Sebastian even made jokes about Harvey being at the next family dinner. But you both solemnly agreed that Demetrius would be passive aggressive about dating getting in the way of Maru's dreams so…maybe Harvey wouldn't show up after all.

When the door closed behind the two of you as you entered the living room, you could feel the mood shift. You went about your nighttime routine as usual, pretending not to notice a thing. As you were putting your clothes in the hamper, Sebastian cleared his throat.

Here we go, you thought to yourself.

"So," Sebastian said, standing at the foot of the bed, "Was I good?"

You kept your face neutral, but inside you were cheering, jumping up and down and throwing confetti. He was doing it.

The first time you had asked him to be good had ended in Demetrius and Sebastian nearly getting into a fist fight over who got to use the little spoon at the table. 

"You were terrible tonight!" You had hissed at him when you got home.

"He was asking for it!" Sebastian said, arms thrown wide.

"You are 25, not 12!" You barked out. "I should punish you for this!"

At these words, Sebastian had gone still. The two of you were eyeing each other, both wondering the same thing.

"Maybe you should," Sebastian said evenly.

You walked over to your closet and pulled out a large box you had never shown him before. He had never asked about it, and you hadn't been sure when would be the right time to bring it up. You were aware of Sebastian's kinkier side, but this?

Rummaging around, you finally found what you were looking for, and presented the item to him. "You have to wear this," you said simply, "until you apologize to Demetrius."

Sebastian's eyes went wide. You were nervous, but you refused to let it show.

"A cock cage?" he asked, staring at it warily.

"Yes. I'll keep the key, and will unlock it only when you apologize to your step father." 

Sebastian thought about it, and then nodded.

"Doesn't seem that bad to me."

Oh how wrong he was.

The poor boy couldn't cum for a whole week because his stubborn streak was preventing him from apologizing. When he finally gave in and was allowed to orgasm, it was one of the best he'd ever had.

That had started your play with orgasm denial. But when it came to meetings with Demetrius, you got to decide if he was good or bad. You had started doing a new thing for that situation. It didn't take the wizard much convincing to make you a bracelet that would prevent the user from being able to have any sexual pleasure. No sex, no masturbation, no nothing. It would deliver an electric shock every time the perso tried to get off. Sebastian was willing to try it out, curiosity winning over apprehension.

The best part was, only the person who put it on could take it off. You typically had him wear it for an entire week as punishment, and got great results.

But if he was good…

You pondered Sebastian's question for a moment and then turned to him.

"For the most part," you said. 

"What…what do you mean?" he asked, fear in his eyes. You let out a low chuckle.

"You don't need to worry kitten," you said, using the name you only gave him in this situation, "you won't have to wear the bracelet. But you didn't wish your step dad a happy birthday. That's not what a good boy does."

"I'm sorry Miss," he said, ducking his head. "I should've done better."

"Should-a, could-a, would-a, DIDN'T," you said, narrowing your eyes. "You'll get your reward for not being a brat at dinner. But you still need to be reprimanded."

You walked over, and grabbed his jaw forcefully making him look at you. "Good boys get to cum. Bad boys don't. You know the rules."

"But…"

"I don't want to hear your voice," you said, letting go. "Strip."

Sebastian did as asked, quickly discarding his clothes in a heap. You looked him over, disapproval on your face, but lust in your heart. He had the body of a Greek god, and you lived to see him naked. You loved it when he sent you lewds, and on the rare occasion, full nudes.

But now wasn't the time to drool over his body. You had work to do.

"On the bed," you snapped, and in an instant he was sitting in the center.

"Eyes closed," you said. "I'm going to undress, but you don't get to look. Open your eyes once and you wear the bracelet. Got it?"

Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.

"I asked a question," you snarled.

"Yes Miss, I understand," he said quickly. Pleased with his response, you slowly removed your clothing, making sure that he could hear the rustling of fabric. His dusky pink cock was rising to attention as he sat there, clearly listening closely. You knew he was imagining what you were doing, and it was an ego boost to know that the mere thought of you was making him hard.

You climbed onto the bed, and heard him whimper. 

"Eyes stay shut kitten," you said softly. "Now lie back."

Sebastian got down on his back, and you climbed on top. You knew exactly what you were going to do, and were excited to begin.

"If you touch me, or buck your hips, you wear the bracelet for two weeks," you said firmly. Sebastian let out a whine, squirming slightly.

"Yes Miss," he said.

"Repeat to me what you won't do."

"I won't touch or–ahh!" he gasped, eyes nearly opening. 

Your pussy was on his cock, and you were moving your hips, rubbing yourself along his length. He was lost for words, absorbed in the sensation.

"I said repeat what you won't do," you said calmly, continuing your movements.

"I-I won't…touch or…or b-buck my hips," he moaned out.

"That's right," you said. You leaned forward and rubbed your thumbs over his nipples. Sebastian was panting hard. You could feel his hips stutter as he forced himself not to move. He was trying so hard to be good for you.

You finally moved from his cock, and frowned as he spoke.

"What did you say?" you snapped.

There was a deadly silence. Sebastian had a lot of room to fuck up right now, and he knew it. Lying was not an option.

"I…I asked why you were stopping," he said meekly.

"I don't remember asking you to speak," you said. "Let's put your mouth to better use."

Sebastian was practically vibrating with anticipation as you positioned yourself, lowering your pussy down to meet his mouth. His arms jerked, but ultimately stayed still. You knew he was desperate to hold your hips.

"Lick," you commanded.

If there was one thing your man was good at, it was eating pussy. He had been a natural from the start, and the first time he ate you out you flat out refused to believe he hadn't done it before.

You moaned as his tongue explored your folds, darting inside you before flicking your clit. You rocked against his face, and you felt him groan in pleasure. The vibrations from his noises made you bite your lip, eyes fluttering shut.

Your hips rocked faster as you chased your orgasm. Any time you let out a word of praise, Sebastian moaned and licked faster. You liked feeding into his praise kink, it made everything so much better.

Crying out in pleasure, you let your orgasm overtake you. Sebastian continued to lap at you, your cum drenching his face. As you got off of him, you could see how painfully hard he was. It took all your self control not to slide down onto him.

"You did such a good job kitten," you said, and Sebastian flushed with pride. "Felt so good." You settled in between his legs and ran a finger down his length. Sebastian shivered.

"You even managed to keep your eyes closed," you said. "Since you've been doing well…you can open them."

Sebastian's eyes opened, pupils blown with lust as he looked you over. His eyes roamed greedily, and you knew he wanted to touch. 

"Do you want something?" you asked.

Sebastian gulped. "Yes Miss," he said.

"What do you want?" you asked. "Good boy's use their words."

"Wanna…wanna touch you. Want you to ride me and let me touch you," he panted out. You raised an eyebrow at these words.

"You think you deserve it?" you asked.

"I've…I've been good!" Sebastian pouted. "Only a little bad…but I've been good!"

He looked so pitiful beneath you, and it melted your heart. 

"You have been good," you said, and guided his hands to your waist. He looked at you in wonder, in disbelief that he could touch.

"Hold on," you murmured, and sank down onto him in one swift movement.

"Thank you!" Sebastian cried out. "You're so good to me!"

"You deserve a little something," you said with a smile. "But your hips stay still. If they move, this ends."

"Yes Miss!" Sebastian breathed, and threw his head back in pleasure as you began to move. It felt amazing for you, and you knew he was loving it too. His eyebrows began to furrow, and he pulled his lower lip into his mouth. These were tell tale signs that he was close. You smirked at him, and immediately stopped moving.

Sebastian let out a truly pathetic whine, and you laughed.

"You really thought I'd let you cum that easily?" you taunted.

Sebastian looked at you with wide eyes and a trembling lip. You clicked your tongue and shook your head.

"What do you do you do if you want to cum?" you asked in a sing song tone.

"Please," he whined. You rolled your eyes at him.

"Please let me cum," he amended.

"Better," you said, but still didn't move.

"Please!" he begged, "Please ride me, I want to feel your pussy on me, want it to make me cum! Please Miss!" 

You smiled at him, and wiped away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

"Good boy," you said, and began to move again. 

He didn't last long, hot ropes of cum painting your insides white. Sebastian howled in ecstasy, eyes rolling back. When he finally managed to regain his senses, you pulled off and laid down next to him. Your eyes locked, and you gave him a soft kiss.

"Shower?" you asked, and he nodded with a sleepy smile.

The shower was long, as was typical after something like this. Sweet kisses were shared, and, as always, you ended up with your legs around his waist, back against the shower wall, as he fucked you one last time.

The two of you fell asleep in each other's arms. He really was a good boy.

#stardew valley smut #sdv fanfic #sdv smut #stardew valley sebastian #sdv sebastian #stardew sebastian x reader #stardew fanfic #reader insert #female reader #my writing

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

#q&a. #birdsong. #wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3 #i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac- #in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai #after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really. #i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track. #and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy? #it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where #it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that. #how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love. #i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together. #i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too. #the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe. #so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc. #i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

[osamusriceballs]

The Accident - Part XIV

Atsumu x fem reader

Warnings: Alcohol

Words: ~ 2.3 k

About: Meeting Atsumu- not in the way you planned though >.&lt;

Part I II -> Next Part

"How would you feel about maybe going out tonight? Hinata and Kageyama will be there too. They would love to see you again, y/n!" You press the phone against your ear and listen to Yachi's cheerful voice while you get a glass of water. "I'd rather stay at home, if that's alright with you." Yachi breaths out deeply at your reply, and you embarrassedly scratch the back of your head.

"That's okay. Is it... because you're still thinking about him?" She carefully asks, and your heart skips a beat when your thoughts drift to him.

She's talking about Atsumu, who still hasn't tried to contact you after more than a month- and you still stalk his Instagram every day, kind of hoping that he'll notice you. A part of you finds yourself very pathetic for that, but you know that you'll let him go eventually. Or at least you hope that you'll be able to. You still feel a pang in your heart whenever you receive a letter addressed to "Mrs. Miya" or when you look at the diamond ring that you finally put aside in a box in your nightstand.

"A bit, yeah. But it's not because of him. I'm just a bit tired. I'll probably go to bed early today."

She hums and hesitates for a second. "If you need me, or if you need to talk about him again, you know that you can always reach out to me, 'kay?" You smile fondly at her words, her concern for you making you feel a bit more at ease, because you know she'll always be on your side. "Thank you. Have fun and say hello to Hinata and Kageyama!"

"I will!"

You both say goodbye, and then you end the call. A relaxing night with a good TV show and a facial mask sounds just perfect to you. And this also might help you to get Atsumu off your mind.

xxx

The shrill ringing sound of your phone wakes you in the middle of the night, and you're alert when you blindly reach out for the phone and see the contact's name.

Osamu Miya is calling

You remember when he had given you his card back then at Onigiri Miya's while Atsumu was using the restroom, just in case anything ever happens, and you had saved his contact without giving it much thought but never reached out to him. Why would he call you in the middle of the night?

You hesitate but finally take the call.

"Hello?"

"Y/n? It's Osamu. I know you probably don't wanna talk to me too, but can I ask for a favor?"

You're in shock when you hear his familiar voice, even more so when you hear his request. "Uhm... what favor?"

"It's about—ya know. Tsumu. He's... kinda unstable ever since ya ignored him. I wanted—" You frown at his words and can't help yourself but to interrupt him.

"Wait a second. What do you mean ignored him?"

You sit up straight in your bed, all your fatigue gone instantly. "The message he left last week? Listen, I get it, he is an idiot, and he is a little pain in the ass, I wouldn't listen to him either."

You blink confused, having no clue what he's talking about and he seems to interpret your silence as agreement.

"Forget it. Y/n, the favor. Can ya come over at Onigiri Miya's? He's drunk and dumb, and I can't do this anymore. I don't know what'll happen if he keeps up with that attitude."

You hold your breath while you listen to him, and your jaw drops at his words. "I- I don't know what to say. If you really need me, I'll come. I don't know if I can be much of a help though."

"Yes. Yes, we need ya here. Ya need a taxi? I can get ya one." He is quick to offer and you hear him sigh in relief.

"Uhm... yes, that would be good. Thanks." You hear a loud shout in the back and the sound of a shattering glass and flinch subconsciously. Osamu curses and yells something inaudible before you hear him clearly again.

"You're welcome. Thank ya for helpin' me out."

"Uhm... sure? I Shouldn't you call his girlfriend though?" Osamu yells another time and you nervously fidget with the blanket in your hands.

"His girlfriend? Wait. Ya actually met her? No wonder ya never tried to reach out. Forget that freak real quick, just come here. He can explain that whole thing to ya."

You stay silent and then nod. This might be the only way for you to find out what really happened back then. "Okay. He'll have a lot of explaining to do, though."

"Sure."

You nod and hang up the call to get off the bed, your whole body feeling electrified. You definitely wouldn't have thought that you'd meet him so soon- leave alone tonight. But thinking about how you've been feeling during these past few weeks, you know that you need this. You need to talk to Atsumu Miya, and you need to talk to him tonight.

xxx

You take a deep breath when you finally stand in front of Onigiri Miya. Not exactly how you expected your Saturday night to go, but here you are. At 2:10 am.

You hesitantly reach out for the door and pause. How will he react when he sees you? Has Osamu already told him that you'll come? How will you react when you see him? You push the door open with sweaty palms and you're met with a sight you did not expect.

Atsumu is sitting at the counter of the restaurant with Osamu standing right next to him, both of them yelling at each other and Osamu wildly gesticulating and throwing a towel. You spot two bottles of beer behind them on the counter and you're pretty sure that they are both from Atsumu. They both don't seem to notice you, still too absorbed into their fight.

The door loudly falls shut behind you and both suddenly stop yelling—not that you could even get a single word—but the sudden silence is almost awkward. They turn to you, and they both just look at you like you're a ghost, without saying anything. You wait for a few seconds, but can't stand any more awkwardness when the silence stretches longer.

"Uhm... hello?"

Atsumu suddenly gets on his feet and approaches you, and you stand there frozen when you see his red-rimmed eyes and the way he's almost stumbling while trying to reach you. Before he gets even close to you, he suddenly falls to the ground, his feet clumsily tangling with each other.

"Atsumu!" you quickly get closer and kneel next to him, concern evident in your voice, and he heavily gets on his arms and lifts his upper body just enough to look at you. You stare wide-eyed at him, your hands hesitantly reaching out for him but pausing mid-air while you look down at him.

"Y/n?" It sounds a bit slurred, and you nod with a frown.

"Yeah." You awkwardly stare at him while he clumsily takes a seat on his ass, his eyes now shining happily while he watches you. "I missed ya." You force a smile on your lips that you hope doesn't look too bitter. He pinches his eyes together, and one of his hands comes to your cheek—almost slapping you, and you flinch a bit when he leans a bit closer, the strong alcohol in his breath evident when he exhales deeply. "Ya don't look happy." He looks sad while he watches your face, and you suddenly feel tears in your eyes. "I'm... you hurt me, Atsumu." You know that he is intoxicated, and that he is in no state to give you a proper answer, but you still needed to get this off your chest.

"Hurt?" he echoes, his eyebrows furrowed while he's trying to understand your words. "Don't wanna hurt ya."

You nod and gently take his hand to remove it from your cheek and hold it. He looks kind of cute sitting there on his ass, and you simply stare at him, a part of you wanting to cry while another part wants to yell at him, but you just stay silent.

You hear someone clear his throat and look at Osamu standing behind him and watching you both attentively. "Don't wanna interrupt, but I wanna go home. I couldn't get him to leave tonight. It's gotten worse since last week. Since that message he left ya."

"What message?" You frown and direct your attention to Osamu. He raises an eyebrow and gestures towards Atsumu. "The one in which he pathetically asked ya to talk to him?"

You shake your head. "I didn't get a message from him."

"Oh." You look blankly at Osamu, and he looks blankly at you. Atsumu's hand suddenly tightens around you, and he whines cutely. "Y/n! Talk to me- yer here for me!" Osamu rolls his eyes and sighs deeply.

"I'm sorry. I was just so annoyed, couldn't stand him. It's fine if ya don't wanna give me a hand here."

"No, I can... I can help you out. What do you want me to do?" You try to ignore how your skin prickles where Atsumu starts to rub circles on the back of your hand, something that feels surprisingly way too intimate for you.

"Can ya help me get him home? I can get ya a taxi or- wait. Do you have a driver's license?"

You nod, and Osamu smiles happily. "Ya wanna drive his car then? Don't worry about the insurance, it's all good. You're officially married after all." He snorts at that and grabs Atsumu's bag to search for the keys. "It's only fair that ya get to drive his damn car then."

Your eyes go wide when you think about driving Atsumu's luxurious car, but you know that Atsumu does not live too far away, so you hesitantly nod, thinking about how nice Osamu has always been to you and how you want to help him out of this misery. And since you're already here, you can at least help him get Atsumu back.

You turn to Atsumu and try to smile as sweetly as you can. "Atsumu? Will you come with me then?" Atsumu seems to have a hard time understanding what you want from him, but finally nods and grabs your hand tighter while he tries to get on his feet. Osamu is quick to come from behind and to pull on his shoulders until he's fully standing, and you raise your brows when you see Atsumu barely pulling himself together. "I'll help ya get him in the car. I need to close the store; will you manage on your own after that? You can call if you need me."

You nod wearily and watch him carry Atsumu basically to the front door, when Atsumu starts complaining. "Y/n, come with us—" he whines and grabs your hand tighter, and you actually smile a bit when he's pouting adorably. "I'm here. Don't worry."

It feels like an eternity to get Atsumu in the car when he calls for you every few seconds and wants to make sure you're still with him, but Osamu finally managed to get Atsumu on the passenger seat where he starts snoring after a few moments.

Osamu sighs and rubs his eyes. "If he's not waking up when yer at his place, ya can call me. I'll take care of him then."

You nod and take the car keys with a slight hint of nervousness. You're just glad that the streets are basically empty at this time, so it should be fine for just a few minutes of driving. And technically, you're still his wife, so this should be fine, even if you scratch it accidentally. Osamu looks at you and nods, and you grab the keys tighter. "Thank you." Osamu opens the car door for you, and you slowly get on the seat. "I really appreciate it. Yer gettin' a free meal when yer comin' to Onigiri Miya next." You softly laugh at his comment and nod. "I'll come back to that offer."

He grins and yawns tiredly. "Drive safely."

You turn on the engine, and you wave at him. "You too. See ya."

"See ya."

xxx

The ride went smoothly, and you couldn't be more thankful when you finally park the car in the spacious garage. Atsumu has simply been snoring next to you, just mumbling a few inaudible things every now and then and the streets were basically empty at this time. You exit the car and open the door on his side, softly shaking his shoulder. "Atsumu? Can you come with me? Atsumu?" You coo, trying to softly wake him up, and he finally opens his eyes, still groggy and sleepy. "Y/n?"

"Yes, it's me. Will you come with me?"

He seems to have a hard time understanding what you want from him again, but he nods.

"Come here." You wrap Atsumu's arm around your shoulders and desperately pull him with you, and he finally gives in and lets you take him out of the car. "Y/n... missed ya. Yer gonna stay the night? Ya can have my bed. We can share. Share with my pretty- wife." He hiccups, and you take a deep breath to suppress your feelings. He sounds so genuine and cute, you almost want to believe his words. "Come on. We can talk about that later."

You have no idea how long it takes you to bring him to the elevator—more like drag him to the elevator—but you sigh in relief when you press the familiar number, even though the elevator has brought you so many painful memories by now. He mumbles some barely understandable words in your neck, his weight heavily resting on your body while you pull him with you as soon as the doors open.

"Come on, we're almost there."

"Hmm... coming." He lulls, following your direction, and you both finally make it around the corner—only to find someone already standing there. A familiar face that you hoped to never see again.

"You?"

#haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu fluff #WELL! #seems like we're not getting answers in this part #BUT IN THE NEXT PART #I PROMISE!! <3 #hope you enjoyed this #and driving Atsumu's car #I just know my hands would be so sweaty omg #ANYWAYS #i just thought that I kind of like Osamu x y/n #they have a very cute dynamic #NOT ME SHIPPING Y/N WITH OSAMU NOW AHH STOP WHY IS OSAMU SO HOT AND PERFECT I'M SUCH A SIMP #Atsumu needs more sweet and fluffly moments #GRRR #PULL YOURSEF TOGETHER MAN #He'll be back in the next chapter- no worries here! <3 #LOVE YA! #stay safe and healthy y'all! <3 #feel hugged and sleep well! <3

[genericpuff]

And with that, 2000 years of history and 10+ years of an animated adaption later, Attack on Titan is over.

I wasn't planning on making an essay post about this but like all of my essay posts, it got crazy out of hand, so here we are. I have a lot to say on it and the more I wrote, the more I realized exactly what the Attack on Titan finale was about. It's cathartic. It's also kind of a big shitpost but not for the reasons you might think.

Spoilers for the Attack on Titan finale ahead! CW: DISCUSSION OF WAR AND GENOCIDE AHEAD!

Now for anyone who knows what I'm about to talk about (and anyone who follows my stuff here), I'm sure you're wondering , what side do I fall on in regards to Attack on Titan's ending? Am I about to talk shit about it? It's very divisive and somewhat inconclusive. It followed the exact ending in the manga which, while expected, was still disappointing to many who had hoped the anime would take some other path.

But I have to ask, could there have been any other way?

Eren committed mass genocide, bordering on extinction of the entire human race. There was no way that he was gonna come out of it redeemed or as a hero, and he knew it. He went straight up Walter White core here and like Walter White, he is not a hero.

The fact that the Marlayans have been constantly going to war with other countries using Eldians as their personal soldiers goes to show that for countries that seek out conquest, there's no target too small or insignificant that can't be marked as an "enemy", and we see that reflected in Eren as well, in his pursuing of "freedom", an ever-moving goalpost that can never truly be satisfied.

The Jaegerists were hellbent on creating a new empire on the bloodshed of Marley - 'an eye for an eye', so to speak.

Nothing was ever going to truly satisfy either 'side' in the conflict of humanity vs. Eldians because such conflicts' origins have been obfuscated in hundreds of years of history, propaganda, and generational trauma that has repeated itself for so long that many don't even know what they're fighting for anymore, aside from one thing - that they don't want to suffer, that they shouldn't have to suffer for the actions of their ancestors, that they want peace and happiness but don't know where to start with taking the first step.

I think people are disappointed in this ending because, let's face it, it's anime, and it's an anime adaption that took years to finish. We always want to see some kind of vindication from stories like these, but I think in having vindication, it ultimately removes the point altogether of what's being said.

As much as we may try to fight it, try to deny it, the course of human history travels in a circle. Conflict will always arise. History is written by the victors, and those victors will be seen as heroes by whichever side they're fighting for regardless of what heinous acts they may have committed to justify their salvation. And after all of that conflict, regardless of the result - time goes on, and new conflicts arise.

But I don't think that means we have to succumb to grief and suffering and that's a point that I'm seeing missed in a lot of the discussion around the finale. There's a very powerful scene between Armin and Zeke, in which Armin talks about how he was born to run up the hill with Mikasa and Eren. He recognizes fully that if his life isn't meant to be long, he can still cherish those small moments that he thinks back on fondly, the moments that defined his life with the people he cared about.

And that's really all life is. Small moments and experiences that stick with us until the end. The very act of being born in and of itself is a cosmic miracle that gives us the chance to experience things that bring us joy and stay with us forever - however short or long that 'forever' may be. We take these small moments for granted when we're comfortable, but we look for them the most when we're suffering.

If I can relate all this to another piece of media that says the same thing - albeit with a much brighter ending - FF XIV: Endwalker also asks a similar question to Attack on Titan - is the only meaning in life to suffer and die? Of course, by its end, we learn that while death and suffering is an inevitable part of life - not something that should be avoided - it shouldn't persuade us to give in to fear and despair as a constant state of being. And I think Attack on Titan goes for a very similar approach, albeit slightly more as a cautionary tale - a nihilistic reminder that ultimately, the losses and victories we find in our current point of history are still just that, a single point, a blip that will be forgotten until it's ultimately repeated, and there's no escaping that.

It cautions us that freedom cannot exist without constant vigilance for war and conflict. It cautions us that our values and core beliefs for attaining freedom, love and happiness can be twisted into a weapon to cause harm, vindication gained at the cost of another. It cautions us that when left in the wrong hands, power can and will be abused by the ignorant while propagandizing itself as "the greater good".

So why not just find the joy that we can? The friendships, the little moments, the things that bring us happiness even if only temporary. Conflict is inevitable, suffering is inevitable, but that doesn't mean life isn't worth living. "Happiness" is not a tangible end point - it's the side effect of living a meaningful life that's true to yourself.

Attack on Titan is over. Some will argue the ending was the only way, others will argue that there could have been another way and that the anime adaption had the chance to change it but still didn't for reasons beyond their comprehension.

But isn't that the whole point? We'll argue. We'll bargain. Many of the arguments made will reinforce our own beliefs further rather than sway us. Many of us will insist there had to be another way, just as Armin insisted that this couldn't have been the only way, that humanity must have had another option. Meanwhile, many of us will acknowledge that at the end of the day, this is the story Isayama wanted to tell, and regardless of whether or not it makes him an idiot toying with his audience and admitting defeat by lampshading it in the penultimate scene of Eren admitting to his own idiocy, this was the power given to him and he used it in the best way he knew how.

Much like in any conflict, there's one thing that unites both sides - the human need for joy, connection, and freedom.

We might not agree on how Attack on Titan ended, but we can agree that it was a hell of a ride, and I hope we can all agree that it was worth riding, even if it wasn't satisfying for everyone in the end. It brought many people together regardless of their backgrounds, experiences, and differences, and connected them through something they all loved for over ten years. And despite how big a part of our lives it was, life will still go on, and we'll move on to other things to watch, enjoy, and argue over. Isayama will move on to whatever awaits him next, knowing fully well that his choice was his own, that he created the series he wanted to create regardless of how people feel about it. We'll all look for our own forms of joy and happiness as life moves on around us, as conflicts come and go.

Isn't that really what freedom is at the end of the day?

#also ok i know this turned into a philosophical post but like #i'm still just talking about fucking anime #so please for the love of god i don't want to be seeing anyone using this post as a way to play devil's advocate on real actual war crimes #human conflict in and of itself is an enigmatic inevitability but blatant actions of genocide and colonization are not #and that was made VERY clear by the end of the series through eldians and marlayans putting aside their differences to take out eren #also ymir being in love with king fritz was a bit of a weird thing to do but that's for another post #i think it spoke more to her just being that desperate for connection that she fell into an abusive relationship #but idk it could have been executed better esp because a lot of the 'romance' in AoT is weird #still i really enjoyed the finale tbh and i don't think we're supposed to be left feeling strictly one way about it #the fact that we're arguing over whether or not the finale was good is literally just proving isayama right ngl LOL #attack on titan #attack on titan finale #attack on titan spoilers #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin finale #shingeki no kyojin spoilers #essay post #long post #tw genocide #tw war

[sokkastyles]

If you examine the things Zuko has to say about his childhood with Azula in "The Search," what you see is a desire to connect with her.

It's Zuko who brings up the memory here, and he talks about playing with his sister with fondness, and the way he's looking at her seems to indicate that he hopes that she'll remember it fondly, too. But there's also some bitterness present in the memory. Zuko says he doesn't understand why he always had to be the villain. It's not surprising to us, the audience, though, given Zuko and Azula's upbringing. Without context, it's a pretty typical dynamic between children. But given that we know Azula and Zuko were raised with the golden child / scapegoat mindset, Zuko being forced to always play the villain indicates the children acting out even in their play the roles Ozai had assigned to them. This particular episode is more benign, but it does show a part of Zuko's hurt related to feeling like he could never measure up to his sister. It's interesting, though, that he seems to be looking for some acknowledgment from her. Probably because throughout this comic, he is trying to connect with her as part of the family he is longing for.

We also see Zuko express similar sentiments in flashbacks as a child about his sister. This time, the action is less benign and more hurtful. Azula burns Zuko for telling on her after she burns a flower in the garden "because it was less pretty than the others."

I see a lot of discussions about Zuko and Azula's relationship that paint him as blaming Azula for their bad relationship, but that doesn't ring true especially when we see scenes like this where Zuko doesn't blame Azula, even when she hurts him. Instead we see him react in confusion, similar to present-day Zuko's memory of their play as a child. Confusion, and hurt because he clearly wants to have a good relationship with his sister.

What's so tragic about this is that we know that this dynamic between them was created by Ozai. We know why Azula keeps hurting Zuko or why she won't let him be Dragon Emperor when they play. And I've seen a lot of discussion arguing that Zuko needs to understand things from Azula's perspective, and how much pressure she was under to prove she was better than him, but the problem with this is that it requires Zuko to again ignore how much those things hurt him as a child.

As a child, Zuko was never allowed to express himself and never allowed to blame Azula, because she was the favored child. Nor was he allowed to acknowledge how abusive his father was. He could tell his mother, but her power was limited and she left when he was ten.

Part of Zuko's lingering trauma, a part that I don't think he understands because he was never allowed to express it, is the ways he was hurt by his sister and the ways Ozai encouraged Azula to hurt him.

At one point in the comic, Zuko seeks Sokka's advice in an attempt to repair his relationship with his sister.

Again we see Zuko's bitterness towards his sister present itself, as he points out to Sokka that he is getting the short end of the deal. Sokka says he doesn't mind, because Katara is his sister, and he loves her and feels a duty to look out for her.

This parallel only partially works, though. Although Sokka and Katara do have their disagreements, they were not raised in an environment where Katara was encouraged and allowed to hurt Sokka. We see Zuko looking guiltily towards his sister, feeling a desire to protect her in the way that Sokka protects his sister, and he will later act on it. But before I get to that part, I want to again emphasize the point that Zuko still has not been allowed to acknowledge the ways his sister has hurt him, or the ways their father encouraged and allowed her to hurt him. And his talk with Sokka only exacerbates Zuko's trauma because it reopens those wounds of obligation towards someone who continually hurts him. Zuko and Sokka's relationships with their sisters cannot be compared in this way, nor should they be. This isn't Sokka's fault, but I wish the comic had acknowledged this.

It kinda does in the next scene.

Zuko attempts to imitate Sokka's caring for his sister, accepting Sokka's advice about "getting the short end of the deal." But once again, we see what getting the short end actually means for Zuko. He sees the letter that his sister stole, which she lied to him about destroying so that she could manipulate him into letting her come on the journey to find their mother. Zuko discovers that Azula has been lying to him this whole time.

It's also worth noting that the letter contains not just information on Ursa's whereabouts, but some very personal information about Zuko possibly not being Ozai's son. The fact that it turns out to later be a lie is not relevant. What is relevant is that Zuko attempts to put aside his trauma - something he's actually been forced to do his entire life - to take care of his sister only to find another way that she's hurt him and taken advantage of him, since allowing her on this journey, unrestrained and with his trust, is the only reason she was able to steal the letter in the first place.

That brings us to the scene where Azula discovers that the letter is gone and attempts to steal it back from Zuko by force, a battle which ends in him besting her and confronting her with all of the feelings he's been bottling up.

I've seen...a lot of uncharitable posts about Zuko here, that he's wrong for being angry at Azula, that Azula isn't in a place to be held accountable because she isn't in her right mind. And one of the tragic things here is that Azula is currently hallucinating and responds by blaming Zuko for conspiring with Ursa. And part of the issue is that I think the hallucination storyline is both ableist and unnecessary, and actually detracts from the real conflict. And the way I see it used by the fandom confirms this, as it's often used as a way to shift the discussion away from the actual things Azula did to hurt Zuko.

And the other thing about it is, even a hallucinating Azula who is imagining that Zuko is out to get her and conspiring with their mother does not have a right to steal from him or attack him, and Zuko is in the right to stop her. He is also in the right to be angry at her, not just for this but for all of the things she did.

But still, he doesn't just blame her. Even in the moment when he's holding her over that cliff, there is no question of whether he will actually hurt her because we know that is not what he wants. He asks her why.

And again, we know the answer. I think Zuko does, too, at least on an intellectual level. But that doesn't erase the hurt, it doesn't erase the pain, it doesn't take away the feelings that someone who should have been on your side wasn't, especially for a child dealing with abuse. And while Azula and Zuko were both abused, I have no doubt that Zuko would have been on Azula's side if she had ever shown any kindness towards him. Even with the way things were, he still makes attempts to connect with her and repeatedly expresses a desire for things to be different. She never does, though, and that's the tragedy.

At which point is Zuko allowed to express anger at someone who continually hurts him who is never sorry about it? Because expressing anger at the people who abused him and being able to feel that hurt is very much a part of healing. And I'm deeply suspicious of anyone who tries to say that it isn't.

#zuko #azula #ursa #ozai #abuse cw #the search

[horseshoegirl]

Damn Those Dog Tags: Part 12 - Blue Healer

📜... so... about Sadie... 🫣👀

I just want to thank you again for all the support on this story. It's so strange to believe we are halfway to the end! Thank you to each and everyone one of you who take the time to read, comment and reblog!

Also, It's my b-day tomorrow! 🥳So this one is a little longer!

❗+18, strong language, godmother reader/original female character, original child, shitty family dynamics, hospital settings, hurt child, Angst, conversations about grief, this is a sad one!

#7k Words

Part 11 | Masterlist | Part 13

Jake had been standing in his kitchen, counting down the minutes before he could pick you up for your second date, when he had the sudden urge to call Janet.

She answered on the fourth ring. 

"What's wrong? You never call me."

"Well, hello to you too, Janet.

He could hardly blame his sister for the greeting. Whenever he called, it was usually only to tell her he was still alive or if he was being stationed. The last time they spoke, Janet had called to chew him out for not letting her know he had returned home.

"Who did you murder, or where are they sending you off next?"

Jake smirked into the phone. "Can't I ask my pregnant sister how she is doing?"

"Fine," she replied shortly. "Pregnant. Putting up with our shitty family."

She sighed loudly, continuing, "What's happening in your world, Little Brother? Still kicking ass up there?"

"Damn straight," he remarked. "How's the Bean?"

"Due any day now, Thank god. My bladder has shrunk to the size of a pea.

Jake shook his head fondly. "You still don't want to know?"

"Nope, absolutely not," her voice was firm. "Ma keeps coming up with baby names, and the hell-bringer thinks we are naming it after him because he brought me into this world," she made a gagging sound. "This way, they can't convince the hospital of whatever name they want."

"I wouldn't put it past them," Jake said aloud, leaning against the wall beside his fridge.

It was an unspoken rule between himself and Janet that they wouldn't refer to their father as anything other than 'the Hell-Bringer." Janet had started calling him that one day out of the blue, and it had stuck ever since.

"When is Bean going to have an aunt to go with their new uncle?" she whined. "Janet," he sighed.

"What?" she cried out. "You're my last hope. George can't even hold a relationship, and Melaine will have no interest once this thing is born."

Jake grimaced. "He and Stacy didn't make it past the three-month mark?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Stacey? He was with Sarah."

"Oh," Jake replied, sensing he knew precisely what happened in that regard, Janet catching on with a disappointing sigh. "Dammit, George."

There was silence on the other end, and Jake decided it was time to admit the reason behind his call.  "Actually, I might be seeing someone."

Janet drew in a sharp breath. "Seeing someone? As properly dating seeing someone? Not the bed them and ditch them the type of dating?"

"Janet."

"Oh my god, you know I joke about it, but I cannot believe someone actually decided to date and put up your annoying ass," she remarked.

"I could say the same about you and Ian. He practically had to force the ring on your finger."

"We aren't talking about my love life here, Jacob," she challenged. "Now, tell me. Who is she? Is it Elizabeth?"

Jake remained silent, his hand coming up to stroke the back of his neck. "Shit," she gasped. "You finally made your move. God help her."

"Janet."

"I can't believe you did it."

"What makes you say it's Liz?"

She scoffed. Jake could picture her standing in the farmhouse kitchen, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed. "I'm not an idiot. I know my brother. You've never spoken about anyone the way you do about Elizabeth. And her niece."

He would be lying to himself if he didn't admit it each time Janet called. He almost always spoke about you and Sadie. And Janet would press and ask her questions. Looking back on it now, she probably knew something long before he did.

"It's early days, Janet."

"I'm happy for you, Jake," he could hear her smile through the phone. "I really am."

"Can you not.." he started to say before Janet interrupted him, calling out, " Do I want to see you killed? Absolutely not. Who do you think I am?"

Before Jake could reply, another voice on Janet's end startled him."What's this I hear about little Jakey getting himself a girlfriend?"

Jake thumped his head against the wall. "Fuck, is that George?"

"When I leave the front porch to take a phone call, it clearly means I want to be alone, George."

George's voice was muffled through his phone speaker as Jake caught his reply, "How long do you think it will be before she dumps him? I give it a week."

"Not your circus, not your monkey, asshole!" Janet called out.

"Come on, Janet. The black sheep of the family doesn't date. I might have to fly out to California and see this mystery woman with my own eyes. Or has Jakey's imaginary little friend from middle school come back?"

There was a scuffle on the other end of the line, and Jake thought he heard George yell out pain before he suddenly shouted, "Fuck Janet, let me go!"

Jake knew what she was doing to him. He had been on the receiving end of it countless times enough to know George would be bent over, Janet with a tight grip on his ear and tugging down hard. He couldn't help the grin on his face.

"You say anything about this to Ma or the hell bringer or even think about flying down to California, I will personally make sure you'll get a pitchfork up your ass," he heard her seethe at him. "You ruin this for him, pregnant or not, I will do it."

There was no way in hell Jake would ever entertain the idea of George visiting him here, let alone meet you or Sadie. It wasn't that he didn't trust you, you clearly could handle yourself, and Sadie was no different.

But George had a way of tainting everything good in his life. He had been compared to his brother for things he should have done better for most of his life.

Despite his words, Jake couldn't help but tease his brother, knowing he could hear him. "I'd listen to her, Georgie. Janet and pregnancy hormones ... not a good mix."

"I'm just teasing him, Janet."

"I dare you to say that one more time."

"You know as well as I, Ma and Dad won't be thrilled about him dating some girl they've never met."

"So shut your trap, never speak about this, and get your ass to the barn. Ian needs help with the haybales," she fumed.

There was a scuffle, and then Jake thought he heard the ranch back door close shut before Janet sighed into the phone. "Some days, I wonder if he really is our brother."

"Jan, if he tells them..."

"Forget about what's happening back home. I'll take care of it," she said, trying to calm Jake down. "When are you seeing her again?"

"Tonight. I've got something planned, but I don't know how Liz will take it." If he timed everything perfectly, as he had discussed with Maverick, the two of you should make it just before sunset.

"Don't tell me my fearsome navy pilot brother is nervous?" she teased him. When Jake didn't reply, Janet took pity on him. "It's cause you like her, you idiot. It's a good thing."

Jake let out a soft chuckle.

"Let me know how it goes, okay?"

After saying their goodbyes, Jake picked up the keys Maverick loaned him and decided he might as well arrive early and wait with you.

Little did he know it then, it was a good thing he did.

---

This small hospital waiting room had clearly never seen the likes of an entire squad from Top Gun gracing its mismatched seats. They were used to this, sitting in uncomfortable chairs, the long-standing hours of hearing no news, the apprehension of slight dread hanging over their heads.

This was different from those situations, though. Not the 'No New, is Good News' kind of thing. Some of the Squad's faces were etched in worry, others stoic as they tapped nervously on the armrests of their chairs.

Jake didn't pay them much mind, wanting to punch something or pace the room. You hadn't said a word to him when he placed Sadie into your arms, kneeling next to you, still mindful of putting pressure on her head. Or when the paramedics arrived, and you forced yourself to hand her over, when he pulled you back into his arms as they worked. Or when you climbed into the back of the ambulance.

"Please tell me you at least got one punch in," Rooster asked, head in his hands as he sat across from Jake.

Jake didn't bother looking up, hunched over in his chair, knowing Bradley was referring to the state of his face. The bruises had set in, the cut on his lip still undressed, and even the nurses at the front desk were urging him to be admitted.

"One," he admitted after a second before sighing. "But not with Sadie watching."

Bradley nodded absentmindedly. While he was pleased with the answer, deep down he wished he hadn't let Tyler go. Jake sat back in his chair, his mind pondering what you told him.

"Tyler ran her sister off the road during that storm."

Sitting next to Jake, Nat sharply turned her head at the mention of Ridley. "What?! He killed her?!"

Jake nodded. "Liz wasn't specific, but putting the pieces together, Tyler's father is running for some electoral bid."

Bob pipped up from his seat beside Nat, filling in the gaps. "So the attempt to kidnap Sadie was some PR save?"

Nobody replied to him. It was obvious his question was rhetorical. And nobody wanted to say out loud what had transpired. Knowing Sadie was somewhere in this hospital fighting for her life was enough. 

Mav came and sat next to Bradley, sitting in the empty chair next to him. "I called Cyclone. He's calling in a few favours."

"Favours?" Bradley asked. Pete nodded, pocketing his phone. Penny placed a hand on his shoulder from her spot next to him. "He knows an admiral where Tyler's father is running for office."

"God. Cyclone is getting involved," Fanboy remarked from behind Pete. Coyote leaned forward, inquiring, "Why?

Maverick shook his head, not bothering to offer an explanation other than, "When I asked, he said it's Sadie."

Everyone agreed. It was Sadie. And if anyone could have won Cyclone over, Sadie would have been the one to do it. But Jake didn't join in on the conversation, too caught up in the realization even as he fought hard on that beach, he had failed the second Sadie fell. 

Unknown to Jake, he was currently the focal point for Rooster's stare, watching every move he made, every facial expression as each thought and emotion crossed his face. Bradley opened his mouth, ready to ask the question that had been burning in the back of his mind since they had arrived until a voice interrupted him. 

"I'm assuming you're all here for Ms. Beck?" 

 Everyone in the room turned to face an older nurse holding a clipboard. Penny was the first to launch herself out of her chair and step forward to ask, "Is she okay?"

The nurse looked at everyone in the room before glancing back at Penny, "Are all of you family?"

There was no hesitation in the way everyone in the room nodded. The nurse paused before announcing, "Sadie's still asleep but stable."

Everyone collectively sighed at the nurse's words. Then she added, "Elizabeth asked for Sadie's uncle to join her."

Nobody protested when Rooster started to stand. But then the nurse asked, "If I could have Mr. Seresin follow me, she's just back here."

Jake's headshot to the nurse, eyes wide. There was no way you'd want him there, not after she got hurt.

He had been too late.

"Are you sure you got the right person, mam?" he said, looking pointedly at Bradley, who had sat back down in shock and anger. She peered down at Jake from over the top rim of her glasses, a slight smirk on her face. "She said the blonde one."

Jake didn't bother looking back at the group when he stood. He could hear Rooster sputtering when he walked through the back doors and under flickering fluorescent lights. She led him through countless archways and winding halls till she stopped at the door, a police officer stationed just outside in a chair. He gave a tense nod to Jake before returning to his paperwork.

"Stay as long as you'd like," the nurse told him softly. "Your niece is one lucky girl."

He didn't hear her, too focused on your back through the crack in the door. He pushed it open, forcing himself to face you finally.

There was a sombre stillness in the room, Jake hesitating as he stood behind you. Sadie's small figure was engulfed in stark white sheets, multiple different wires snaking around her body. She was pale, and her head had been wrapped in a thick white bandage.

And you, not even turning your head as he came into the room, too focused on counting her breaths and watching the steady beep of her heart rate monitor. Jake couldn't see your face but could tell you were trying to hold in your tears.

He slowly gripped the back of a nearby chair to pull it closer to you, sitting down and placing his hand on top of yours that was squeezing Sadie's hand lightly.

"She has a concussion," you said, still not looking up. "And she lost a lot of blood."

He didn't say anything, deciding to stroke the back of your hand with his thumb.

"They say it could have been worse," you sniffed, wiping at your nose. "Had you not gotten there in time, it probably would have."

You tilted your head back, eyes closed, finally allowing yourself to take your eyes off Sadie for a moment before turning your chair towards Jake without looking up. The thread hanging from a rip in his jeans seemed more interesting than facing him.

But Jake carefully reached up to gently press lightly at the bruise on your cheek. You tilted your head into his touch, the action releasing the pent-up anxiety and emotions you had kept at bay for Sadie since you saw her in Jake's arms. He reached for your waist, pulling you close to the edge of your seat as the first sob crawled up your throat.

"He hasn't been around since Ridley found out she was pregnant. We made sure he couldn't get to Sadie," you sobbed, burying your face in the fabric of his shirt. Jake held you tightly as you cried, "Did I fail her? Did I fail them both?!"

"Don't go there, Liz. You couldn't have stopped him. This is all his doing, not yours."

You opened your eyes to a stain of dried blood near his shoulder, Jake standing on the beach in your peripheral vision coming to mind.

Sitting up sharply, you took in his face, small gasps escaping your lips as you trailed your fingers lightly over his lip, then the darkening bruises. He caught your hand, bringing your fingers to his mouth, "I've had worse."

Lowering your hand, he kissed your swollen wrist delicately. You sniffed, stroking the buzz-cut strains of hair behind his ear. "That doesn't mean you should."

With one glance back at Sadie, you urged him to stay as you stood, quickly going to the bathroom. Her nurse had tried to convince you to let them look at your face. You had vehemently refused, not for one second leaving Sadie alone if you could help it.

Despite your stand-offish attitude, she was kind enough to leave a makeshift first-aid kit, not really knowing the extent of your injuries, in some blind hope, you would take care of yourself. Damping a cloth, you picked up the plastic bag and returning to Jake.

He protested when you reached up with the cloth to dab at his lip. You shot him a look that instantly shut him up. Pressing it lightly against his skin, you urged, "If I don't do something, I will lose it, Jake. Let me take care of you."

Whether it had been bar fights or something else, Jake wasn't used to somebody else taking care of him, flitching as you tried to wipe at his lip, shushing him each time gently. He let you clean up the cut in silence, knowing his eyes were fixed on you as you worked.

And it bothered you, thinking his stare was pity or judgement. But the thing about Jake was you never felt like you had to hide around him. That you never had to put the mask up. But with everything that had happened, with Sadie lying hurt on the bed next to the two of you, with learning Ridley was murdered and Tyler was still out there, you were on the verge of caving hard. 

"Thank you will never be enough, Jake."

His shoulders sagged. "Don't. Not yet," he spoke, turning his head towards Sadie. Your fingers trembled as you worked to peel back the wrapper of a Steri-Strip. 

"I thought you would hate me. Me leaving you like that and Sadie..."

Biting your lip, you carefully placed the strip over his lip before flexing your fingers to take his face into your hands. "How could I hate you, Jake?" you whispered concerningly. "You put her first."

"She still got hurt, trying to stop him." 

It didn't surprise you; Sadie was more courageous than anyone you had ever met. 

"It's not your fault, Jake. It's mine," you stated, nodding your head. "I should have done more. I should have realized sooner it was Tyler. I should have gone to the police and fought harder. Realized that white fucking car was more than paranoia." 

Jake shushed you, placing his forehead onto yours. "You couldn't have prepared for any of this, Liz. Tyler, Ridley... Sadie here and now. You couldn't have known." 

You let out a sob as Jake said, "It's nobody's fault but that asshole's." 

Then you heard it.

"Uncle Jake?"

The both of you shot up from your seats, coming to sit on either side of her bed as she tried to force her eyes open. You shushed her, cupping her cheek as you said, "Sadie? Sweetheart?"

And just like that, she opened her eyes.

You wanted to sob.

"Where am I?" She said to the ceiling before looking at you and closing them again. You tried to hide the tears from your voice as you told her, "You're in the hospital, Bug. You hit your head."

She wiggled on the bed, a groan escaping her lips as she weakly reached up to touch the bandage on her head. "I did?"

Sadie pinched her brow as everything came back to her. The glass breaking, her running, and then the panic she felt at seeing her uncle pinned to the sand.

She cried out in a panic, her eyes opening and shooting towards you, "Uncle Jake! Where is Uncle Jake?!"

"I'm right here, Bug."

She turned to glance at him, her mouth dropping open in shock as she saw the patches of blue and purple covering his face. Then she looked back at you, taking in the darkness of the skin around your eye, making her bottom lip quiver.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, her body starting to shake as she began to cry. "I'm so sorry!"

"Sadie, what are you sorry for? It's not your fault."

But she shook her head, her face riddled in pain as she exclaimed, "He hurt you. The both of you. Because of me."

"No bug, please don't think that," you whined. "It's mine. I should have protected you better. It's never, never your fault. "

You felt Jake place a hand on your back. "Don't play the blame game, Liz. It's not your fault either." 

Sadie's face softened as she absorbed Jake's words. She gasped, trying to control her breathing. "Then it's his fault then. The one who hurt all of us." 

She said it so simply, so child-like, you were scared you couldn't own up to the answer- to an unspoken promise. Yet, you swallowed, nodding with a tense smile. 

"Are we going to be okay?" 

"Yes," Jake answered Sadie's question for you. "I'm going to make sure of it." 

"I'll go get the nurse," you said softly, stroking her cheek one last time before getting up to walk out the door. Jake watched you leave before sliding himself forward to hold Sadie's hand. She smiled at him, squeezing his hand before weakly murmuring, "I heard you."

"What?"

"When you picked me up, I heard you."

"Sadie..."

" I don't care what you're going to say," she croaked. "I'd do it again."

"I can take care of myself, Bug. I'm the adult who needs to look out for you. You don't need to look out for me."

"This is why you have trouble making friends," she pointed out. Jake smiled softly at her before saying, "You're my friend."

"I'm your wingman. We made a promise."

"I don't think we were facing Ursula this time, Bug."

Sadie yawned, turning her head into her pillow as she faintly murmured, "This time, it was the loch ness monster."

"Really?" Jake chuckled lowly, still holding her hand. "Another Sea Monster?"

"You're the one that flies over the ocean. I'm just sticking with the theme."

---

Once Sadie had been given the all-clear, Jake asked if he could bring her anything from home. You handed him your key, too worn out to protest, asking if he could grab the Navy Teddy bear from the fair off Sadie's bed and her overnight bag from Penny.

Each Dagger made the trek to her room, one by one, seeing for themselves that she was alright. Sadie tried to stay awake for each one, fighting off the threat of sleep, till Bradley decided to stay with you in Jake's absence.

Like you, he couldn't stop staring at her as she breathed, only occasionally glancing at the door. Even with the police officer stationed outside, Bradley was acting like a guard dog, always standing between you and the door at all times.

She passed out the minute she was able to, and you couldn't help but worry about what tomorrow would look like when you'd get to bring her home.

"Why was Jake there?" Bradley asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

You regarded him momentarily, wanting to tell him the real reason. But you weren't prepared nor ready for the emotional blowout. And it wasn't the right time or right the place. So you shrugged. "It's the Hard Deck, Bradley. Why do people go to a bar on a Friday afternoon?"

He didn't say anything, his face hard like he was lost in concentration, watching the rise and fall of Sadie's chest. And why you had the urge to suddenly ask him the following question, especially now, of all moments, you had no idea.

Maybe you knew Bradley would be honest with you here and now and wouldn't try to pass you off or find a way to escape it. Or perhaps it was your way of forgetting the weight of all the information you learned today. So in a moment of bravery, you asked, "Why do you hate him so much, Bradley?"

He went to say something, lurching forward with effort, but you interrupted him, "And don't tell me it has to do with some Navy rivalry about who is the better pilot. I know that's not true."

"I am the better pilot," he mumbled under his breath, falling back into his seat.

"You are both equally as good as each other. You just have different means of doing it. But that's beside the point."

He stared at the floor, his eyes wide, as he thought about his answer. Not that you were feeling any better, but Sadie waking up had eased the burden and allowed you to ask somewhat playfully, "Please tell me you don't have a crush on me?"

Bradley's eyes shot up to yours before he made a gagging sound. "Oh, good lord, no. You're like my little sister." His shoulders shook as if a chill had shot down his spine. "Please don't ever put that image in my head again."

You stuck your tongue out at him before looking down at Sadie, a small smile gracing your lips. He shared your smile, not that you noticed, before admitting quietly, "It's Sadie."

You raised your eyebrows at him. "Sadie?"

"Remember the mission we keep talking about? The one that brought us all together?"

You nodded.

"He said something about my dad."

"He told me he did," you admitted, taking in Bradley's pensive stare. "He regrets it, not that it means much after the fact."

His father had always been a sore subject. Sure, he talked about him from what he could remember. Their shared love of music, playing the piano, and the same taste in vacation dad t-shirts. But he always clammed up regarding the accident, his reason for joining the Navy and wanting to fly.

"Jake does not regret anything he's done," Bradley snorted. "You don't know him like we do, Liz. Sooner or later, he's going to do what he does best and leave the two of you out to dry, and I don't want to see you or Bug hurt." 

"Roo," you said softly. He's just proven he won't do that to Sadie." Or me, you wanted to add.

"You have so much faith in him."

You paused, sliding your hand over the blanket on Sadie's bed before replying, "I have faith in all of you. But Hangman, it's different with him."

"How?"

You didn't want to bring it up, especially now. But something in your gut was telling you it was the only thing that would get Bradley to ease up.

"Did I ever tell you why Ridley wanted to become a nurse?"

Rooster shook his head, resting his elbows on the edge of Sadie's bed.

"She believed everyone deserved a chance. That people cared," you said quietly. "Who would I be? What type of guardian would I be for Sadie if I didn't continue that? If I didn't give Jake the same curiosity?"

"I'm just worried you're going to put your faith in someone who will let you down."

"I don't know Jake as you know him. I don't have that history. But Bradley, he just went to bat for Sadie. His face is a walking mosaic. Don't tell me he will leave her, or me, out to dry after that?"

You reached out across her bed, fingers stretching out. Bradley lifted his hand from his lap to hold yours.

"Can you live with the idea that if that happens, it's my mistake to make?" you squeezed his hand once, trying to hide the quiver from your voice as you added, "The world is not perfect, Bradley."

He gave you a sad smile. "Do you want to talk about it? About Ridley?"

You swallowed hard, recoiling your hand back from his touch. "I can't. Not now."

"Liz, you need..." But he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Jake appeared, Sadie's bag in hand and her Teddy bear in the other.

"How is she?" he asked, coming around to your side of the bed and dropping the bag next to your chair.

"Sleeping," you replied softly, watching as he placed the teddy bear in her arms, Sadie curling around the stuffed animal.

A furrow formed between Bradley's brow as he watched the look on Jake's face as he glanced at you. Everyone loved Sadie, there was nothing wrong with the way he had approached her. But you, there was something in Jake's eyes that told him there was something else. 

Jake's eyes met Roosters, a flicker of apprehension flashing across his face, fearing his suspicions had been laid bare. But Jake didn't notice, instead nodding at him, a drawl of "Bradshaw" escaping his lips. 

Bradley stood, ignoring Jake, his eyes lingering on you as he asked, "Can I have your key? I'll run a few errands to make sure your set when you bring her home."

Jake dropped your key into the palm of your hand as you replied, "Bradley, you don't have to do that."

"Liz, just let us help you." 

You placed your house key into Bradley's hand, a reserved look on your face. He looked at you briefly before nodding, walking to the door, pausing, and turning to Jake.

"Hangman."

Jake's eyes followed Bradley out the door before looking back at you. 

"Jake, you don't have to.." You started to say before you caught the stern look on his face, instantly shutting you up. Honestly, the last thing you wanted was to be alone in his hospital room.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not when he can still get to you both."

Every hour a nurse would come by to wake Sadie up. For the first two, you didn't want to do anything but stare at her, unmoving from your chair. Jake was beginning to worry, watching you fight off sleep, swaying forward occasionally only to catch yourself.

The nurse had kindly brought a 'father' bed from the nearby maternity ward and placed it in the corner of the room with a pillow. You hadn't looked in its direction once or even thought about sleeping.

"Liz," he said softly, trying to arouse your attention. When you said nothing, Jake stood, touching your shoulder. You jolted awake, slightly shocked, until you realized it was him. "You need to get some rest."

"She's perfectly safe, and nothing will happen to her."  You shook your head, barely managing to gather the energy to speak. But Jake persisted, trailing his hand down your arm to grasp at your hand. You let him pull you up.

"I can't..."

"You can. She's not going anywhere. Don't worry. I have my eye on her." Jake led you to the corner of the room, making you stand in front of the pullout. He let your hand go to sit down. 

"Come here," He laid back against the backrest, holding out his arm as an invitation for you to join him. You might have fought him more, but you needed comfort with everything that had happened.

But once you settled into his arms, Jake asked you softly, "You want to talk about it?"

You shook your head against his chest, hiding your face. Jake had read you like a book.   "Elizabeth, you can't keep burying your grief."

Your reply was muffled against his chest, "It's not that easy."

"I never said it was easy, but dwelling in your sorrows won't change anything."

Something in the way he said that hit you in your chest, sitting down with no intent to move. The smell of antiseptic making your stomach turn. The longer he sat there with you, the shock of everything reached its boiling point. 

It was too much. 

"What's wrong with me?!" you wailed. "She's been gone almost a year, and I can't even..."

You drew in a shuttering breath at the end of your unfinished sentence. You didn't need to continue, Jake had seen it repeatedly - in the way you would shelter yourself from any conversation to do with her to gripping your arm. Or to how Sadie remarked you hadn't been happy since her mom had passed away.

"I made a promise," you sniffed through your tears. "That the both of us would be strong for each other while we dealt with everything. That we wouldn't cave. But she struggled when I brought her home, and I had to be strong for her. She needed me to be strong for her. She wanted to be strong, and I needed to do the same."

"Sadie isn't going to love you any less because you can't be strong around her. None of us will."

You whimpered at his word. Suddenly, the dam burst open. "I tried. I tried to read the book, I tried talking about her with everyone, with you. Believing I'm fine when I'm not. Saturday nights with everyone, only to run into the kitchen the first chance I get because she's not there." 

You sobbed into his chest. "It's so hard, Jake. Knowing she's not here. That he took her away from us." 

"I know," he spoke into your hair, gripping the back of it. "Healing isn't linear, Darlin'. It's messy, and it takes time."

Something was validating in hearing his words. Something that no longer made you feel like a self-pity dealer. That it was okay for you to feel like this. That there was no mask needed in any given situation. 

Jake, whether he knew it or not, was giving you the permission you so desperately needed to know it was okay to be sad. 

And he let you. He let you cry it out, rocking you back and forth in this hold until you sniff, wiping at your eyes. "When did you get so wise, Jake Seresin?"

“Wise?” He scoffed. “No, darlin', I'm experienced. There's a difference."

Even with your tears, you rolled your eyes. "Why did that sound more sexualized than it should have been?"

"You're the one that went there. I'm just stating facts," Jake grinned. You huffed, pulling yourself closer to his side as a yawn coincided with your quiet laughter.

"Enough with the heavy. You need to sleep." He adjusted his hold on you, fingers threading themselves through the hair at the back of your neck, pulling you deeper into his chest. "I'm watching her."

You snuggled into his side, your hand making a fist gripping his shirt and the ball chain of his dog tags through the fabric. But you were still tense despite your exhaustion, causing Jake to shake you a little in encouragement.

"Relax, I'm not going to bite," He said before softly pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "Not unless you ask me to."

You groaned sleepily into his chest, "Jake."

You fell asleep listening to him chuckle.

---

Jake had driven you both home once the doctor had given Sadie the all-clear later in the evening the next day. Sadie made a beeline to the couch, a long-standing ritual with her whenever she felt poorly, the second she walked through the door. 

 This left you and Jake standing in your kitchen, the moment making you think back to that first Saturday night when Jake had followed you inside with the dishes. The night before the Daggers were deployed.

You could never have thought this would be your future, holding yourself tight, leaning up against your counter, Jake filling your kettle with water, rummaging around in your tea cupboard. You pressed your forehead to his shoulder as he placed it back on its stand, turning to hold you and pressing a kiss to your forehead, not saying anything. He let you take what you needed from him.

The both of you eventually joined Sadie on the couch, watching as she held the remote to the TV, staring at the black screen. For a second, you were scared she would ask to watch Pride and Prejudice. Instead, she asked, "Can we put on The Princess Bride? I know I can't watch, but I'd like to listen."

To any onlooker, the group of you would have been a sight - Sadie with her stitches across the back of her head. Jake with his bruised face, split lip and marked-up knuckles. And you, with your black eye.

Yet, you couldn't have felt safer than huddled on your couch here with them. 

Halfway through the movie, you found yourself with your head lying against Jake's leg. Sadie had migrated from the other end of the couch to in front of you, head buried in your shoulder as she used your arm as a pillow. Even with the knowledge Tyler was still out there, waiting for the next chance to strike again, you passed out knowing there wasn't anywhere else you wanted to be.

It was around 3 in the morning when Jake woke you up, silently urging you to go to bed. You tried to figure out the best way to move without disturbing Sadie until he stood, kneeling next to the two of you and carefully hooked his arms under her body. In her sleep, Sadie snuggled into Jake's chest once he stood.

"Go get ready," he murmured softly. "I'll get her to bed."

You stayed on the couch for a second, watching as he carried her off to her room before sighing and getting up. You forced yourself not to look out your window as you passed it by. 

The bruise around your eye was an unwelcome sight in your mirror as you washed your face and got ready. You found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed, staring at the book on your nightstand, wondering if Jake was going to seek you out.

And then he appeared in your doorway, watching you dangle your legs back and forth. 

"Jake," you said quietly, shame in your tone. "I don't want to be alone."

He pushed himself off your doorframe, kneeling in front of you, between your legs and hands resting on either side. He slid his whole hand up the outside of your thigh, stroking back and forth, attempting to comfort you.

"What do you need, darlin'?" he hushed. "What can I do?"

"Don't leave me?" it was a quiet plea.

Jake reached for your hips, sitting up to press his forehead to yours. You took it one step further, sliding off the edge of your bed and down to the ground in front of him, arms wrapping tightly around his neck. He hugged you tight, head pressing into your collarbone before grabbing the back of your thighs to stand. You clung to him, legs tightly clinging around his waist.

He was next to your bed in two steps, one arm still clutching you while the other swept your covers down. You weren't sure how he could sit down with you hanging on to him, how he turned while holding the covers up and siding underneath them. You never let go as he settled you on top of him, hand stroking up and down your back. 

Then you found yourself seeking out his lips, lightly grazing yours against his. There was nothing overly sexual in how you lightly pressed into him and grazed your nose along his, how you sought him out, lazily kissing him.

You were mindful of his injured lip each time, content to simply be here and now with Jake in your bedroom, his warmth and smell willing you to calm down. There was no objective, no end goal in your actions - after everything that had happened, you needed the assurance, the comfort, him.

From Tyler. From you feeling like a failure as Sadie's guardian because you couldn't prevent outside forces from coming after her. From the burdening grief of losing Ridley, the one you kept shoving aside only for Jake to crack wide open.

And yet, all you could think about was that it might be time to take that first step - even if it is just turning that one page on Pride and Prejudice on your nightstand.

---

Jake woke in the early morning to a rattle from your bedside table. He had let you sleep, doing Sadie's two-hour checks, used to the lack of sleep. 

The both of you had moved, your back pressed tightly against his front. His arm was wrapped securely around your waist, and his nose was buried in your hair. Rolling over, he reached for his phone and spied the unknown caller ID, bringing it up to his ear as he answered.

"Seresin."

"It's about time you answered the phone."

Jake quickly shot you a look over his shoulder before getting up and walking into your hallway, shutting the door gently behind him.

"Wouldn't have answered had I known you were on the other end," he spat, continuing to your kitchen so you wouldn't hear his conversation.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Always taking the easy way out, just like when you joined the Navy. Flying around, pretending to be important while accomplishing nothing of substance."

"I'm assuming you didn't call to put down my choice in career, though that would have been preferable for someone like you." Jake said sarcastically. 

"No, it's not," Jake's father replied snarkily. "I've heard you've been playing house with some girl."

Jake's grip tightened on his phone, anger bubbling beneath the surface. "And how would you know, seeing as you've never taken the time of day to call before now."

"Melaine."

Of course, Melaine would be the one to spill, Jake thought. Always telling other people's secrets and stories so she could watch the chaos afterwards.

"Didn't know my love life was the only source of entertainment down there," he remarked, leaning up against your island.

"Spare me the sentimental crap. A man like you shouldn't be saddled with someone else's burden."

Jaked laughed lowly. "Don't expect me to apologize for my life not fitting into your narrow-minded definition of what a man should be."

There was a monetary pause on the line. Jake's father let out a bitter chuckle. "Oh, so you're a saint now, huh?" he replied mockingly. "Trying to play the hero? Just like your grandfather, right?"

Jake didn't say anything, staring down at your floor. 

"You think you can be that kid's uncle? You're wasting your time on a woman who can't give you anything real."

Jake saw his opportunity, smirking into the end of his phone, as he answered, "I'd rather be a fool for choosing a noble idea than be somebody who settled for mediocrity. Tell me, Dad, how's the ranch life working for you?"

"Don't test me, boy!" he seethed. "I'm not the one showboating in some plane over the fucking ocean."

"Better than shovelling shit every day."

His father growled, clearly agitated. "You've always been a rebellious one. Thinking you can defy me, defy tradition. No man wants to be raising her sister's kid, son. She's nothing but trouble and damaged goods. I won't have her ruining the Seresin name."

Rather than react to the dig towards you, Jake scoffed. "Yeah, sure, Keep talking like your opinion matters that much anyway."

"End it. Or I'm sending George up to California to end it for you. At least he knows how to take orders like a good son."

And then the line went dead.

Jake gripped his phone, tossing it harshly to your kitchen island. The conversation stung, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Even in California, miles between him and his home state, his father still tried to influence his life.

Needing to seek you out for comfort he returned to your room, pausing after he opened the door. You had turned in your sleep without him there, a hand stretched out to where he once was. The morning sunlight casting a beam through your drapes to the spot next to your head on your pillow. Sliding back beside you, Jake carefully lifted your arm as he placed it on his chest. You pulled yourself to him, head content to lay on his shoulder as a sigh escaped your lips.

"Jake," you murmured sleepily. "Is everything okay?"

"Go back to sleep," he replied, kissing your forehead hard. "It was just a wrong number."

Sadie's fine!!! 🥰 I'm not THAT heartless...

Tags:

@blue-aconite @tinytotontheoversizedpony @djs8891 @caitsymichelle13 @startrekfangirl2233

@mayhemmanaged @ereardon @dempy @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @daggerspare-standingby

@phantomxoxo @formulapierre @eli2447 @fulla02 @blckgrl-sunflower @mizzzpink @ohgodnotagainn

@bubblegumbeautyqueen @sarahsmi13s @desert-fern @lynnestra44 @memoriesat30 @penwieldingdreamer @mxlanciia

@bradleybeachbabe @bobby-r2d2-floyd @lavenderbradshaw @roosters-girl @lovinglyeternal @genius2050 @gigisimsonmars @dakotakazansky

@keyrani

Part 13 - Sons and Daughters coming soon

Wickett ;)

#Spotify #jake seresin fanfiction #jake hangman fic #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin imagine #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman x reader #jake hangman x you #jake seresin #jake seresin fic #jake seresin imagines #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x oc #jake seresin x y/n #jake seresin x you #hangman top gun #top gun hangman #top gun fanfiction #top gun fanfic #top gun maverick #hangman x oc #hangman fanfiction #hangman #hangman fic #hangman fluff #hangman seresin x reader #hangman x reader #hangman x you #hangman seresin #controlled chaos squad

[lilpotatjj]

A/N: it's a short one but pretty cute jealous Bella. I wrote a movie quote which I don't know if someone will recognize it. Hope u guys like it :*

Jealous Bella x FemReader on red Carpet

Masterlist

♡Your mine♡

Bella and you are invited to the premiere of the last of us 2. Conscious of staying relaxed and avoiding possible spoiler questions, the two of you walk slowly along the flashing lights. Again and again interviewers come to talk to you.

"Are you okay?" Bella whispers in your ear.

"Yeah...fine. Soon we'll be through" you smile fondly at her concern for you.

A female interviewer comes up to you and greets you.

"Hello Y/N I'd like to ask you 2-3 questions if you don't mind" rather pushily she approaches you. You smile politely.

"Sure, go ahead"

"What was it like working alongside Bella Ramsey?"

"Well, it was very exciting. Most of the time we had a lot of fun, we laughed a lot and still did our work together."

"Most of the time? Were there any disagreements?"

"Ah...no, but it was hard sometimes, especially when you've been shooting for a long time and you have to work late. It makes it more authentic though. Living in a post-apocalyptic world is also exhausting" you smile, hoping she won't ask any more inappropriate questions.

"After all, many fans are blown away by the two of you, your talent and also your demeanor. How do you deal with that? Have you ever had any fan relationships?"

Bella senses the tension that arises in you. Why always such questions?

"Ah...no...even though I'm very happy when fans think we're great" you grab the back of your neck and smile tensely.

"So no chance of us having a coffee together?" She laughs, but she's serious. Bella spontaneously grabs your hand and smiles dryly at the interviewer.

"No chance at all. Because we're too busy....!" The last words came out angrier than they should, Bella's look...if they could kill, the interviewer would be gasping for air right now.

"Ok" she nods and smiles awkwardly. "Thank you very much for the interview"

"You're welcome!" Bella gives her a warning look and finally looks at you.

"I leave you alone for two minutes and the wolves descend." Bella smiles jealously.

"What, come on I just wanted coffee" you grin and squeeze Bella's hand tighter.

"I'd love to have coffee with you right now" Bella smiles sweetly at your words and comes closer to your ear.

"Sure....When we're through here. First I have to protect you from the rest of the crazy interviewers" you blush, swallow and smirk.

"Let's go Darling"

#bella ramsey #bella ramsey x fem!reader #bella ramsey x reader #bella ramsey x y/n #bella ramsey x you #bella ramsey fanfic #bella ramsey fluff #bellaramsey #romance fanfiction #fanfic #bella ramsey imagine #bella ramsey fic #bella ramsey oneshot #bella ramsey tlou #the last of us hbo #hbo tlou #hbo series #the last of us #the last of us fluff #the last of us series #hbo ellie williams #hbo the last of us #lgbtq

[mysilaan]

Hi!! I just saw you're accepting requests for new gen😃. Could you write Roy hcs for when he is starting to fall in love? Like staring at Candy when she is working and everybody noticing but her, getting closer to her, etc? Thanks if you do it!

Hi Anon !! Thank you for being my very first request !!

I love Roy sm, it’s with great pleasure that I’m writing this⭐ __

ROY MCL NEW GEN HEADCANON🍒

⭐

Roy always thought he wasn’t interested in dating, that he could never fall in love so easily, but since you joined the company, you can’t seem to stop messing with his brain. You get him so flustered all the time… By the way you smile, the way you talk. Your laugh… So airy, so beautiful… He caught himself staring at you across his desk and turned bright red before going back to what he was doing. Damn… Why was he like that? Nevertheless, he landed his gaze on you one more time while you were focused on your work. He noticed this little twitch on your nose when you were focusing on something, it made him smile slightly. You felt the pressuring gaze of someone on you after a moment, and when you raised your head, you saw Roy staring. Your eyes met for a moment and he panicked making you even more confused. “Is something the matter?” You asked. You stared at him with worry while he was searching for something to say. “Hum… I wanted to try a new restaurant in town. Do you want to come with me?” Thomas, beside the two of you, was staring at his colleague with a suspicious look, even Amanda who was just passing by couldn’t help but chuckle at the scene. Roy was ignoring them with all his might. “Oh yes, I’d love to! Let me just finish this and we can go.” Roy was half delighted, half distraught by your answer, he didn’t know any restaurant that just opened actually… “Thomas, are you coming with us?” But he politely declined your proposition saying he still had work to do. While you were finishing your own things, Roy was desperately searching for any restaurant that just opened but couldn’t find anything. He quickly went to Devon’s office to ask him if he knew any, and, of course, he did. During the whole dinner, he was trying to stay as natural as possible with you, but it never felt so unnatural for him to do so. When he was with you, he felt a bond he never had with anyone before : you understood him so well and never judged him for anything. Your two personalities blended in so perfectly he never felt anything this strong before. Once the two of you finished your dinner, he proposed to walk you home. It was quite a walk from the restaurant, but after how much you ate, it couldn’t harm you. Thankfully you weren’t wearing heels that day… “It reminds me of the walk we made to the beach when I just joined the company. We should do it more often.” You said, breaking the silence. Roy smiled fondly at the memory. It wasn’t that long ago but it felt like you’ve always been here.  During the way to your home, you two spoke about nothing and everything at the same time. While you were watching straight in front of you, talking about a movie you watched the day before, Roy was looking at you absently; that’s when he noticed you shivering a little. “Here, take my jacket.” “Again? I should start paying you for this jacket.” You laughed. But he didn’t mind because it was you, though he could never say it out loud. Once in front of your house, you wanted to give him his jacket back but he pressed his hands on your shoulders telling you to keep it. “But I’m right in front of my house, I don’t need it!” “No, I insist, keep it. You’ll give it back to me another time.” “You’ll catch a cold like that Roy.” He smiled, hoping you couldn’t see his flushed cheeks in the dark. “I’ll run home. It’ll keep me warm, don't worry.” You sighed in capitulation. “Fine… For this time.” He returned your grin and then waved off once you safely entered your house. As he said, he ran on his way home to try to calm his thoughts.  He tried real hard not to think about it the whole evening but now it was all over his mind. You were all over his mind. He couldn’t deny it anymore : he was in love.

#mcl new gen #my candy love #beemoov #mcl ng #roy aquino #mcl ng roy #mcl new gen roy #my candy love new gen #amour sucre #my candy love new gen roy #my candy love roy #mcl new gen headcanons #mcl ng oc #mcl ng headcanon #mcl ng roy x reader #my writing #writing #fanfiction #headcanon #mysilaan mcl ng headcanons #mysilaan headcanons #chinomiko #MY BOOOY #i love him

[idyllic-affections]

a letter from aphelion. ♡

a letter to all the people who have made my year in one way or another. there is no particular order to this post, and some of you may find that i don't have much to say, but all of you who are on this post are here because i can recall times i've enjoyed speaking to you or seeing you in my notifs or just existing within the same space as you. i hope you all have only the best year possible next year—it seems like most of us need and deserve a good year, hm? though i regard myself as quite a gentle and sentimental soul, i struggle with putting it into words. it's ironic, considering i am a writer. i mention this because even if the things i say in this post are quite silly and lighthearted, just know that i earnestly mean what i say and each and every one of you has contributed to my year in a memorable way <3 may we all have a good 2024.

       dear @lillonvia,

YOU!!!! YOU!!!!! HELLO. HI. MEETING YOU HAS BEEN SUCH AN HONOR AND SUCH A DELIGHTFUL PART OF MY YEAR!!! i love the little silly conversations we often have—i think it's probably a good thing that we share so many random fandoms. it's as if we lived somewhat similar lives growing up despite growing up in such vastly different environments <3 but anyway, i think the fandoms we share are really helpful in being able to have such fun conversations!! we have many things to talk about!!! despite the vast difference in timezones!!!! please go to sleep at normal hours!!!!!!! /lh

       dear @starryshinyskies,

HI AVERY <3 i was literally always so delighted to see you in my inbox back when you were still ⭐️ anon, and i still feel that kind of joy now! you have so many good and fun thoughts to share with me about things i've written and i love that... i hope moral injury ch. 2 will give you that same kind of brainrot again when it does finally come out!!!! if it doesn't that's okay too HAHA but i always love hearing your thoughts on... literally anything ever!! i have some fics of yours that i've been meaning to reblog btw, so maybe watch out for multiple essays in your notifications in the coming weeks LMAO

       dear @aroacenezha,

MAJI I AM SQUISHING YOU LOVINGLY IN MY HANDS or i can just look at you fondly if you don't want to be squished. i am okay with that too <3 i often think about how we met and i think it's both kind of funny and kind of nice. "baizhu would hate dottore" agreed so real so true that post was so correct in so many ways RAAHHH 🤝 the nice part of the way we met being my baizhu series. despite me having NOT updated it any time recently, has brought a lot of people into my inbox and sometimes into my life and i think it's very cool. i love when people feel seen. and furthermore please always send me your oc thoughts and your blorbo thoughts i love them so much 🙏🙏🙏

       dear @soleillunne,

ALYYY MY LOVE MY BELOVED you are so precious and treasured.... i love what you do, i think your writing is beautiful and has such a poetic quality to it. and i love when you appear in my inbox and notifs!!!! though tumblr is very mean to you and always eats your asks.... you are important to me and so many other people and i hope you always know that. genuinely. you are such a kind and wonderful person and you are always loved.

       dear @heiayen,

YOU. *GRABS YOU* *EVILLY* you. you are so. idk but YOU ARE. can't think of a good word. no words, only vibes. you are vibe-y. /lh you're another moot that has the most top tier responses to things, even non-fanfic posts. you just have Things To Say, and in the best way possible. your thoughts are so fun..... i interact with you rather often—more than some people realize, perhaps—and you are a dearly beloved presence in my life 🫶🫶

       dear @zeldadou,

though we haven't talked too much recently, i still think of you often! i love seeing your art and the way it changes and develops... and i love hearimg your thoughts about things or when you send me fun things you think i would like <33 you are a very kind person in my eyes, whether you realize it or not.

       dear @june-again,

i hope life treats you well, always. you don't deserve anything less. i think of you fondly! your kindness is and was very remarkable and treasured especially when i was first adjusting to tumblr and posting my fics and whatnot..... by the time we met, i was still very new, so i appreciated any kind interactions (i still do of course! it's just a bit different when you're new to a website like this haha)!!

       dear @kaixserzz,

I FUCK WITH YOUR THOUGHTS DUDE YOU SEEM TO COME INTO MY INBOX AT THE MOST RANDOM AND UNEXPECTED OF TIMES AND DROP THE MOST HEARTBREAKING ANGST POSSIBLE??????? HELLO?????????? ARE YOU. DOING OKAY??!???!!!! YOU WAKE UP AND CHOOSE VIOLENCE. ESPECIALLY WITH KAVEH. WTF (me too tbh 😇) /lh please always send me any platonic thoughts you have i will entertain all of them fr 💥💥💥 you have such good thoughts in that brain of yours 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

       dear @archonsbane,

i haven't spoken to you much, so forgive me if this seems or comes off as a sudden or jarring tag, but i do enjoy talking to you. fatui moot <3 you GET IT get it about the harbingers' dynamics. i hope we have more opportunities to speak sometime! (and if that sentiment isn't shared, that is totally fine. i would respect it either way 🫶)

       dear @lesanyanyas,

we only became mutuals recently, but i hope you know that i always thought of you as one of the "blorbo from my notes" kinds of people haha!!! i always saw and recognized you whenever you were in my notifications or my inbox and you always have such delightful and fun things to say <33

       dear @umgatochamadopercyval,

CLARA HIII you are such a remarkable person, you know? you've been nothing but kind and understanding, and you have such fun thoughts and ideas!! i love hearing about them sm. even if my responses are delayed, just know that you are always welcome to ramble in my dms about your ocs or your fic ideas and i will never find it to be annoying or anything. it isn't annoying. it never is.

                                                 sincerely,                                                                           aphelion.

there are people who did not make this list, and to those people, i hope we can become closer in 2024! if you aren't on here, it's truly only because i've hardly spoken to you. so... perhaps that is something we can do next year! i think of all my mutuals very fondly. i don't think of any of you as "less than" just because we haven't spoken mwah mwah <3

#aphelion speaks 🌸

[nighttime-tea-party]

since you say youve been in the kuro fandom even before BoC aired, could you tell me about how it was back then? :D ive always been interested in learning how internet culture used to be, how things eventually changed, how they improved/declined etc, more so when the current community is pretty much dead. was there an experience that marked you, what do you remember most fondly? was there an event that excited the fandom more than any other (like the release of a chapter or smth)? which blogs were the most popular? Its okay if you dont want to tho, i understand!

Super interesting question! I hope I can provide some equally interesting information in return.

Before the fandom had reached Tumblr, much of it centred around a forum, or at least much of what I knew. It wasn't originally a Kuroshitsuji forum but a sub-forum of a Bleach forum, actually. I think it was called Bleach Asylum? And I don't know exactly how it came to be but I think that Bleach forum had lots of sub forums for then-popular anime and manga but Kuroshitsuji gained so much popularity and the fandom happened to gather there, so that sub forum really took off and it ended up being an anchor point for the fandom. I used to always look for the most recent scanlations there, back before we were able to buy them legally.

I didn't actively participate in that forum but I lurked occasionally. It was full of wild discussions, one of which was the "two Ciel(s) theory"/"2CT" as it was called back then. It had a strong following on the website back then already. I sadly don't remember any of the other theories that were making rounds back then...

I didn't really participate in much fandom stuff back then, limited my art posts to deviantArt and my personal facebook... but eventually, I made a tumblr specifically to interact with the fandom.

As for blogs, I don't really like doing any name dropping, especially because it would go into some people who used to ship sebaciel and turned anti, and other stuff I'd rather not talk about. I do feel like back in the day, there were a couple of gigantic Kuroshitsuji blogs with massive followings that got a LOT of asks every day (to the point where it seemed like a full time job to keep up with them). Discussion around sebaciel was very different, there have always been people who disliked it but unfounded rumours like "did you know that Kuroshitsuji was supposed to be a yaoi" made rounds without people questioning it. That always annoyed me a little tbh haha.

There was one fan artist on deviantArt whose name I sadly don't remember but I think they were THE kuro artist in Western fandom back then because their style looked very similar to the anime style. I still see their art sometimes.

And fun fact on the side, I grew up in German fandom spaces and we had a big website called Animexx (I think it's still around) that was dedicated specifically to all things manga, anime, and related stuff. They had really convenient ways of browsing on-site fanart, fanfic, doujinshi, cosplay, and other fan creations, as well as forums and ways to host your own fan events. Until the early 2010s, I hung out there a lot so until then, my perspective is distorted by that German lens. I used to post my early Kuroshitsuji fanart there too.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask! I feel like I could go on tangents for much longer but idk how interesting that would be.