#everytime i work on it i just don’t like it and i have to restart it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elekinetic · 2 years

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Quick! Tag your top favorite byler blogs (as many as you want) and tell my why you love them in one line to spread positivity on the dashboard and make someone's day!

FINALLY! THE TIME HAS COME!

this is in no particular order

first up. my wheelies. my ride or dies. call it traumabonding or whatever u want but these mfs know secrets of mine they better take to the grave

@hawkinsp0st, my first real friend on here. currently on hiatus but truly a kindred spirit. single-handedly changed the way i looked at the show with their hellfire color post. u simply get me and i miss ur brain!!

@ratt-duffer deserves so much more credit than you all give them. he just gets this show so well and has such well written analyses, but more than that, is just a fun fuckin person to exist around.

@willsglock my sister in glock. what can i say. she has permanently altered the way i think about brba and bcs. refreshingly honest in a way i wish more people were. occasionally breaks hearts w her writing.

@crazycoven no. 1 weezer stan in my heart ❤️ jk but fr hayden is such a cool person with some of the best themes and best takes on this site. very glad to know him

@tntozier deserves financial compensation for what theyve given to this tag. one of the brightest souls on here. everything he posts is a gift and u all should be so lucky 🤨 thank u for screaming abt st puzzle games and convincing me to download. i blame you for my crippling addiction.

ok onto some of my other favorite geniuses on here <3

@quinnick his energy??? immaculate. thank u for putting reddie content on my dash. u are so sweet and are the only valid ask hoarder. yes ofc i will send you more asks!! you deserve it!! even if you won’t stop making ur mom jokes.

@madcleradin just fucking gets it. she has never made a single post i did not wholeheartedly agree with. her understanding of the characters and the dynamics….phenomenal. also genuinely hilarious. very grateful to be mutuals w one sierra loveqbrl madcleradin

@mlchaelwheeler is a certified genius and is single-handedly responsible for getting me to restart succession. we don’t chat very often but when we do it is so much fun. she always puts such good posts i’ve never seen before on my dash and her analyses are genius. sarah’s blog is a gift to this site!!!

@chiquitablanquita changed my life with her poetry fic. i just. wow. wow. oh my god. yeah basically yeah. oh my god. i am in awe of you for the work u do outside of fandom and for the absolute insane talent u so gracefully share with us.

@eightieslesbian is The Gif Maker on here. her visions…holy shit. yes her gifs of my demos and the bitch meredith brooks gifset haunt my dreams bc she is the sweetest person on here and the fact that she DOWNLOADED MY MUSIC?? hello my heart is broken in two. but can we talk about HER original stuff?? HELLO?? she is so insanely talented and her vision is just….omg. OMG.

@elmaxed lumi and i don’t chat all that much but her brain is just so correct always and forever. her writing is wonderful and her energy is stellar. always happy to see her on my dash.

@wibble-wobbegong is such a fun blog to follow. he’s just such a cool dude and has such a nuanced understanding of mike. plus a great signature blog theme. dude has a BRAND, mad respect

@astrobei i cannot believe we are mutuals. i CANNOT BELIEVE we are mutuals. genuinely one of my favorite writers on ao3 and i still fangirl a little everytime we interact. like. the fics….holy shit. HOLY shit. she has such a firm understanding of the characters and has never written anything that doesn’t feel true to the show, regardless of AU or canon compliance. hanleia costume fic my beloved. good god they are such a talented writer.

@smoosnoom the scream i scrumpt when i got the follow notification. first fic writer i actually learned how to use the “subscribe” function on ao3 for. there are no words for the absolute batshit amount talent stored in this tumblr blog. ik y’all have read i’m tearing you asunder (cue “uh yeah, i’ve read the classics” tiktok audio) but every fic in their fix it series….jesus christ. run up that hill to go read rn.

@strangeswift is in a category of her own. abby u are a twin flame and i am so glad to know u. u simply understand me!! y’all she is such a fuckin phenomenal writer and is SO CEREBRAL in the way she approaches the show. her mike s4 pov snippets live rent free in my head. truly the only person who could get me to voluntarily read angst. NEVER misses with her takes and is just. so smart. SO SMART. the most supportive mfer on here fr. you guys aren’t ready for milevenvision or any of the other stuff you should be so lucky for abby to put out.

ok i could talk about my friends and moots for hours and i definitely DEFINITELY missed ppl but pls just know i follow blogs i love love love the content of and if we are mutuals i value u to the moon and back <333

#friendship is magic fr #also shoutout to georgia dungeons-are-too-cold who is NOT a byler blog but is one of my best friends #thank you for listening to me infodump about byler. i will do it more when i am home >:)#byler

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unhinged-diaries · 3 months

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I just started a new job and got promoted quickly which is great!

I basically work alone so I’m kind of my own boss. I get to allocate my time as I see fit and don’t have someone breathing down my neck. Constantly turning my head to see who’s watching.

It’s more work but pays enough and I have a benefit that helps my business which is nice.

The job is right across from a popular shopping center in my city. I don’t shop at the mall so the only store I’m interested in is whole foods. My family loves whole foods growing up bc that’s where my stepdad worked so he would always bring home the goods. But since he died no one has felt it necessary to go out of their way to get it since it’s so far from my house. But the fact that it’s right down the street from me now is so exciting.

I plan on restarting my gym membership, shopping at Whole Foods for food, and utilizing the giant fridge I have at my job that’s practically all mine. Lord knows if I left the food at my home fridge it’d be gone within the hour bc my brother’s a fuckin munch.

I just have to get over the embarrassment of pulling into the Whole Foods parking lot with a banged up car. What are they gonna do though? Arrest me? (This is me hyping myself up)

Changing up the content style of my business and plan on launching a new product soon. I believe this new strategy will work well for me and I might be able to use one of the videos to run ads on Facebook.

My score mentor thought it’d be a good idea to

1. Introduce affiliate marketing which I didn’t think I was big enough for and

2. Collaborate with other small businesses.

I like the second suggestion much better right now. I could utilize jewelry, makeup, and wig brands in my content to really sell the lifestyle and they can repost it on their page. Kind of like a shout out for shout out.

As far as affiliate marketing goes, I need to find the right platform to use. Everytime I try to research affiliate marketing it always shows the influencer side of it and not the business side. I’ll do more digging.

I think I found a manufacturer that can make a bunch of different items for me. Denim jeans, plus dresses, plus knit. I’ve been looking for a one stop shop type for a while and I think I’ve got them. I’ll have to order a couple samples but my lord are they expensive. Gotta keep reminding myself that it’s an investment.

Thank all for now. Ciao

#level up #glow up #luxury #entrepreneur #spoiled heaux #blackgirlglowup #scaling business owner #confessions of a business owner

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dramarising-replacement · 1 year

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Another cheaty coli method sorry

i just wanted to share my way of grinding the coli.

I don’t know if there’s a preinstalled, similar software on windows (otherwise there are enough options to install anyways) but I’m using „Automator“ Workflows on my Mac. (its almost 10 years old but even that old box can manage to run it a Little bit during festivals) it’s a Nice preinstalled program that lets you record and replay mouse and keyboard operations.

here is what I do:

first of all, I use safari and not chrome, opera or something, safari just works the best for me with automator, I had the least errors during tests.

i record the base „select, scratch, attack“ for 4 opponents (even if there are just 3 in the current battle, just to prepare if you come across a battle with 4) and click the „fight on„ button. (I also make sure to alight the website the same way everytime - the red header aligned with the top of the screen in my case - so the recorded click doesn’t miss the button)

then you can stop recording and just copy paste the recorded action over and over again. and hit play of course so that it Replays your keyboard shortcuts and clicks.

if im in a higher venue I most of the time build breath up by myself and then record 1 round with scratch-Eliminate. i do sometimes just combine building up breath and actually eliminating into one workflow on automator but i often run into issues with it. (Combining as in recording a scratch/ meditate round etc, copy pasting it to however often you need it to get enough breath and then recording a eliminate round) (I really recommend recording only 1 fight and copy pasting, then if it keeps messing up you only have to redo the recording of 1 battle, not 5…)

this method isn’t perfect. It won’t clear captcha, it does mess up often enough and you have to restart the action. It’s trial and error sometimes but for me it’s great. It’s also definitely slower than I’d actually be, I get way less errors when not racing through a fight like i usually would so I’m keeping it at a “relaxed coli grinding” speed xD

I don’t have the time to grind the coli for festivals or if I’m low on food so I can run it while working on my uni projects etc. on my Pc. I also barely earn Any treasure off of it. (I don’t do it enough to get goood drops from the coli and anyways if I do,I keep-it and let everything collect dust in my hoard.I just hoardsell the junk no one would buy anyways.) and honestly, I’m faster grinding by hand, but it allows me to skip the grind for the most part.

and yes I know it’s against the rules / cheating to automate it but cmon… I don’t have hours to spend in the coli

So yeah, I hope this maybe helps someone who’s maybe also too busy to spend alot of time on FR or is physically not able to grind for hours etc.

tl;dr - I’m just explaining a bit in detail how I cheat a bit in the coli using “Automator” (on a Mac, it just record and replays keyboard actions and mouse movements and clicks) because I’m busy

#Coliseum #Rant #Flight Rising #Festival #Long post #Confessions

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tinyvoicejill · 1 year

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[Part two of this story] ----- “I can’t believe we’re gonna die.”

“I mean, I’d like to think we’d at least consider tearing your sweater before reaching that point.”

“I’d rather we die.”

“Uh huh, and our lives are worth sacrificing for your job as a…?”

Carson is struggling on her toes trying to relieve some of the pressure on her wrist. It’s worse for her than Greta - the sleeve doesn’t cling tight to her wrist, whereas Carson’s bracelet is pulled tight against her skin. Greta keeps a firm grip around Carson’s waist to try and help alleviate the pressure. Somehow, despite being in this ridiculous situation with her hand about to fall off probably, Carson remains optimistic in her efforts to keep their spirits up. It’s ridiculous. It’s amazing. Greta’s pretty sure she’d have gone crazy if not for Carson. “I’m a personal assistant to a fashion designer. I wanted to be a designer too one day, but now that my life is over I’m just hoping I don’t get sued into the dirt.” “Oh yeah? What made you want to go into that?” It’s a ploy to distract, and Greta embraces it. She details her entire life plan to her captive audience, and for a while that helps. Everytime she stops talking, though, the panic restarts. Carson doesn’t seem to notice. “That’s so cool! It’s amazing how people can just do stuff like that, wow. And do you have a uh, a person that you share this with? Like, your life with?” In the entire time that Greta has known Carson (about twenty minutes, give or take) not once has she ever seemed nervous. Not until now. Panic subsides in Greta then, as the only distraction better than talking is flirting. “No. No girlfriend,” Greta says, and she can feel the way Carson swallows at that. “I am very single.” “Good. I mean, no I don’t mean… I-I’m single too!”

Greta feels like she’s been handed this opportunity on a silver platter. She’s been trying to hold her head tall and away from Carson to give her some space, but now she lets her face skim down the slightest bit, just enough to bump against Carson’s. She can hear the way Carson breathes in fast, can feel it in the way her grip tightens where it rests against Greta’s side.

“Guess we’re both single, then,” Greta says, and her nose brushes Carson’s. “Wonder what we should do while we wait for rescue?”

“I think you should take your top off.” That is not at all what she expected her to say. “Not even gonna buy me dinner first?” Greta teases back, and thinks about kissing her. Those thoughts stop when she sees the serious look on Carson’s face. The way she looks pained. “I’m sorry, I-I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Carson says quickly, like she thinks she’s offended Greta rather than turned her on. “It’s just… it’s really starting to hurt.” Greta looks up again to see Carson’s hand tangled up by her own. It’s purple now. She’s never seen a hand turn purple before. “Oh shit, okay. Yes, okay, take my top off.” Greta tries to help with her free hand but stalls when she feels Carson stop tugging, her hand instead pressed to Greta’s stomach. “Sorry, I think I missed your undershirt-” “No undershirt,” Greta cuts in, earning a confused look from Carson. “Just the sweater.” “Oh. Okay! Cool,” Carson says, and her voice cracks.

Greta can feel the way Carson’s hand lingers going up her abs - and okay, maybe Greta is flexing extra hard. So what! She’s worked hard as fuck to get this body, of course she’s gonna show it off - but slowly they manage to work her sweater up and over her body. Carson makes an embarrassing noise when Greta’s bra is revealed, which Greta revels in. She can feel the way Carson trembles pressed to her chest. Things are going swimmingly as they work the sweater up to her neck, her face, and she’s trying to pull her free hand out of the sleeve but it keeps getting caught and Carson’s trying to push the collar up over Greta’s face simultaneously but it gets stuck just above her nose, and she feels trapped and exposed then with her naked torso right in Carson’s face and now both arms once again tangled and trapped above her head and it doesn’t make sense why the sweater is so tight around her face until she remembers.

“Shit! I forgot there are buttons on the back of the collar, it’s not gonna fit. You gotta-” “Okay, okay.” Carson fumbles behind Greta’s head, trying to find the buttons, unintentionally jerking her head forward in her search. Their faces were so close already, so of course their lips brushed.

Greta whimpers, like a fucking loser. This is, unfortunately, the hottest thing that’s ever happened to her in her entire life. Greta is pinned against the door by a hot stranger who basically has her blindfolded with her hands tied above her head. What other choice is there if not to whimper and grind a little bit?

“Oh,” Carson breathes against her lips. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Whatever excuse she intended to say is lost in Greta’s searching mouth and quickly forgotten. Carson kisses her back with an enthusiasm that makes her feel like her bones are melting, like she might turn to mush on the floor if not for her hands tied tight and Carson’s body holding her steady. They kiss for so long and no time at all. Until the bathroom door slams and they hear a loud sigh followed by, “Look horndogs, we closed ten minutes ago. Can you go do this somewhere else?”

It takes a lot for them to convince the worker they are, in fact, both stuck. The manager has to take the door off its hinges, and Greta has to take Carson home with her.

The cashmere sweater somehow, despite the odds, survives.

#ngl prompts #my writing #mine #gretson

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btschooseafic · 1 year

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helloooo!!! i just wanted to stop by and say that you have an amazing rec list that I'm slowly workin my way through!! all of the works are masterpieces and i can't fathom how you've discovered soooo muchhhhh goodness!!!

i am in need of a bit of help though hehdhe, i was reading this hybrid!bts x reader series where the main pairing is dragon hybrid!yoongi x human reader. i can't remember the title for the life of me but i do remember that they had children tho i think they weren't biological (?) i could remember jungkook and hobi being yoongi and reader's kids and also that yoongi is like a general of some sort, for the army of a land of dragon hybrids which is far away from his family's cave. i could also remember namjoon and jimin being together and namjoon is yoongi's best friend in the series and yoongi and reader have taken their kids to see namjoon everytime they visit joonie and jimin. AND THAT'S ALL THAT I COULD REMEMBER BC I FORGOT TO BOOKMARK IT AND THEN I GOT BUSY AND WHEN I WENT TO CHECK MY PHONE, DUMBLR RESTARTED ITSELF AND I LOST THE FIC😭😭😭😭

tysm in advance if you end up finding it, but if not then that's alright too, stay safe!!!

Hello! Thanks for reading my recs, they all deserve lots of praise :D

The fic you’re talking about is this one I think

Still ongoing (and please don’t bug the author about when they’re going to complete it!) but awesome and would totally recommend everybody read!!

#bts x reader #bts fanfic #hollyhomburg #dragons #anon

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coasttocoastusa · 3 days

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Well hello there, look what I did today!!!

I cannot even begin to tell you how much of a leap today was for me. I said in the last post that I haven’t flown for 6 years. I don’t know if I mentioned that since then I’ve tried to fly a few times with varying levels of success. First, I made it as far as the gate and turned back, the time after that I didn’t even make it to the airport. So… I didn’t want to get too excited about the chances of today happening. Mainly I didn’t want to jinx it but also there are factors beyond my fear of flying that come into play on the day. But, I did it!!! And I didn’t without any medication and without a companion 🙌🏻

So let me fill you in on how I got to this point.

I’ve known about fear of flying programmes for a while now. They’re not necessarily cheap and until recently I didn’t think I was in the right head space to try it. A couple of months ago though I started paying privately for counselling. I have a session every week and we deep dive into everything in my life from childhood to what happened in work that week. It’s been giving me a lot of confidence particularly in the wake of my recent at-sea meltdown.

And so, about two weeks ago I decided to sign up for the EasyJet Fearless Flyers course. When I tell you it took me a week to even book it because I was so scared I am not exaggerating. Everytime I thought about it my heart rate went up. I would talk about it but then it would keep me awake at night thinking about what could happen if I did the course.

I found the courage to book it just before my second counselling session focussing on my fear of flying. I’m not gonna lie I told my counsellor I would see how the course was and fill her in at the second session… then panicked because I hadn’t booked it and thought she’d tell me off, so it was much more about being told off than feeling capable 😂

What I didn’t expect is that by the end of my first run through the course I would feel excited!!! I am not joking, of all the emotions I was expecting that was not one I considered most realistic. The course ran through a number of things that we were told needed to be done in that specific order. It started with a couple of modules about the psychology of fear and what your brain does when you have a phobia. Then there were some modules where a pilot answered previous questions from participants. There were varying degrees of realism to these questions… “Will the wing fall off” was one of them… that’s when I realised “oh wow, brains really do come up with some insane scenarios don’t they”… you’ll be relieved to know that obviously the wing cannot fall off.

The most important part of the Q and A for me was the explanation of crosswind landings. It wasn’t hugely in depth but it was enough to know what I wish I’d have known as I was experiencing one. Clearly it was enough reassurance to get me on the plane anyway!

The final modules focussed on coping mechanisms. I was shaky because the first two techniques didn’t work for me. One focussed on breathing (given my past of health anxiety focussing on my breathing stresses me out more). The second focussed on visualising. I am one of a number of awkward people who happen to have a thing called Aphantasia. That means I can’t visualise anything, like when I close my eyes and try to imagine it’s just black no matter how hard I try 🤦🏼‍♀️

But the third one!!! It worked! I don’t know how it worked but it did. Something about tapping certain parts of your body in a particular order. You have to feel your fear as much as possible before you tap and somehow it resets you, like you’re restarting a computer.

Armed with this knowledge that not only was I in control but I was able to help myself if I panicked I managed to stay calm in the run up to the flight. I’m not joking, I even got a full nights sleep last night, that’s completely unheard of for me before a flight.

So today, I went to the airport. The universe was testing me the whole time. I got to the check-in desk and they’d lost the pack with my name on it so I had to stand to the side. In the past I would have spiralled thinking it was a sign that I wasn’t meant to get on the flight but I didn’t. I waited and it turned out it was just stuck to another pack. Then I went through security and set off the alarm thing, they did a whole search and I was so focussed on the flight that I forgot I HAVE A METAL ANKLE!!! 😂🙈

So on I went, there was a lot of waiting. The flight was delayed… I had so much time to reconsider boarding. I didn’t even consider reconsidering because I knew I wanted to do this. I was first in the line at the gate, ME?!

As I boarded the anxiety began to creep in more, as we sat there waiting to taxi I was bored more than anything but as we set off down the runway the nerves hit big time! I would say take-off is my least favourite part of flying. There are sensations I’m not used to, there’s no going back even if you wanted to and you’re out of control. As we bumped up into the air (lots of wind, a very light plane) I tapped away and I checked on my new friend that I made who was across the aisle from me. We did it!!!

The flight was bumpy, we were in the air for 35 minutes and I’d say 90% was turbulent. Before this course, had I made it onto the plane I’d have panicked big time. This time though, we had a pilot talking us through every sensation, every noise, every boring little movement of the plane mechanics (I honestly think a big part of this process is to bore you into submission with technical speak until you realise you’re not a pilot and you don’t want to be 😂). So yes, I was anxious but nowhere near the levels I would usually be. I had a bonus moment of asking if I could use the toilet since the seatbelt sign was now off, as I was on the toilet I heard them announce “I would encourage you all to walk around, even use the toilet if you need to, I know some of you will never have done that on a plane” and the level of smug I felt for getting in there first and avoiding the rush was honestly worth it!

As we flew through the sky, I had a moment of clarity. A moment where I popped on my favourite flying song (California by Phantom Planet) and welled up as I looked out at the clouds. I just genuinely did not think I would ever fly again given the number of times I’ve tried over the years! It was incredible to know I’d done this all by myself. My success wasn’t tied to anyone else, I didn’t need anyone by my side because I did this alone! (And without medication no less!!!) .

I’ve only ever flown once before by myself, coming back from Turkey through a thunderstorm. It was solidly turbulent for hours 🤦🏼‍♀️ back then I had been on edge but it hadn’t been enough to stop me flying again. I’m hoping that today was a return to that mindset. My current motto is “uncomfortable is not unsafe” it’s something I’ve been reminding myself because of my meltdowns. When you’re in full blown meltdown mode it is one of the most horrible feelings but you’re safe, it’s your brain telling you to slow down but it’s not telling you you’re unsafe which is how I often read it.

On that same theme, my biggest take away from this entire thing has been “you wouldn’t expect the sea to fall away from underneath a ship and in the same way the air can’t fall from underneath a plane either” so as we bumped on through the clouds on our way back to the ground I thought about the ground as the bottom of the sea. It helped a lot, there was much less “gripping” as we bumped on by. After we landed they told us that that was on the bumpier end of landing and that we should be proud. I would say it was almost to the level of the turbulence before the crosswind landing I had. It was uncomfortable but I was glad! Had we had a perfect flight today I’d have worried about the possibility of turbulence in the future. Now I know that next time will probably be much more steady.

It’s now about 7 hours after landing and I’m overstimulated af but I’m so proud of myself. I never thought I would fly again, I definitely never thought I’d fly alone! It’s the best kind of overstimulation because it’s rooted in happiness and excitement and pride.

I cannot wait to keep chipping away at this fear. I’m hoping to fly again really soon, they told us today to keep flying regularly so we can continue putting the work in. That’s the plan, I just cannot wait to get back out there!!!

#phobia #travel #neurodivergent #flying

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drfoxdoeshistory · 2 months

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This week has been fairly frustrating. I’ve reverted back to blender so I’m neck deep in the learning process for that. Basically I’ll need to be able to create environments and characters to occupy them, and the good news is that it seems like the actual locations are easier to make than the characters. The problem is, the characters are pretty complicated. There’s a British guy on YouTube named Grant Abbitt who has a 2 part 4.5 hour video on how to make a fox and I’ve been watching that and following along to the best of my ability. There are a lot of steps: you trace vertices with a reference picture, bring it out into a three dimensional mesh shape, and start moving and cutting and adjusting the object until it looks like a fox. Then you shade it using red white and black, and rig it. Rigging basically allows you to give the character movable joints. There’s not a fox skeleton structure on Blender, so Grant says you can use a wolf. After you’ve done all these things you can animate the character, record the animations, and ideally have a movable character.

I am to the point in the process where I have the 3D model and I’ve started tweaking the face and the next thing im going to do is add the legs. It took a while to learn basic things and then there were a couple times where I forgot to save the file when I made significant progress because I’m used to things auto saving. Lesson learned though, because everytime I get through a significant step I save it. This means at least I won’t have to keep restarting more than I already have. A potential obstacle is time. Grant has a rabbit video so I may just create the rabbits and nix the raccoon, which I don’t like doing, but unless I find a really good raccoon tutorial, I don’t think I’m going to get the hang of blender in time to build a raccoon without help from a tutorial. Grant also has a snow village background so I will most likely use that as one location. Fortunately, that video is far shorter than the fox ones, so I’m hoping that’ll be easier to figure out. The progression has been taxing my willpower because progress for the most part isn’t working faster but making new mistakes. I know it’s part of the learning curve but it’s pretty hard not to feel like I’m running out of time. I don’t want to sacrifice the raccoon but if things start looking grim, that will likely be the first idea that gets jettisoned.

#academia #history #filmmaking #british history #foxes

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5tar9litter · 1 year

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All of these problems I am dealing with.

The trauma I am curr trying to forget.

I know I am living it every single second. Sometimes I want it to disappear so I can just be free again. Never having to stress about him ever again. Everytime I was on my way to recovery, he came back and restarted my progress somehow.

I blocked his number. He created a fake phone number using google voice and thought he could just get me back? Just like that? By telling me, “What’s up? How pissed off r u rn? it’s me btw.” Bro that was stupid. All the anger and resentment, the sadness and heartbreak that I thought I got rid of was coming back like a bullet train at full speed. I start hyperventilating. Seeing his calls erupt my phone like crazy.

I snapped out of it. “God’s testing me to see if I’m still stupid.” I had the encourage to block him even though I missed him.

In the next 2 weeks, I recieved another message on instagram from HIM.

HE FUCKING FOUND MY INSTA.

After not being able to sleep that night and having a conversation finally after 3 months.

I learned it was his internet whatever shit and he couldn’t “recieve my messages”

Absolute bullshit.

He told me kind words. I missed you so much. I want you so bad. Please come back.

But I was spiraling. I didn’t want this. I don’t want this. I cried and went insane because of this man. I don’t want this anymore and I don’t wanna go back! Please god! Help! Help!

Finally after 4 days of literally spiraling and just losing my mind, I blocked him on all forms of communication and privated my account.

It’s been a month, it’s like I’m experiencing PTSD Again.

This happened many times though ngl.

One time, my family’s car got hit by a truck while my mom was driving us home from work. The last thing I saw was a bright red truck coming towards my side of the door. Before it hit us, I held onto any handle I could for embrace. BAM! Me and my family were spinning on the road.

We came out okay. My mom was bruised up on the legs though and my brother ended up getting a headache from smacking his head against the window. I was traumatized for a year I believe. Every red truck, I was terrified of them.

But then I got over them.

This happened with Jayden’s mom.

9 months.

The day the house caught on fire and I heard my dad scream in fear for the first time?

7 months.

The day when I heard my unknown uncle got ran over and turns out he was a horrible person so nobody picked up his dead body in the hospital?

6 months.

The khoi situation?

Prob never really. I just forgave but I don’t think I’ll ever forget him. It’s been what? A year? But I don’t have any bad feelings. Maybe a little. But sincerely you just stop caring as much.

It may be the same.

But just like the Aidan situation. You’ll always find someone better than the last. So don’t settle into thinking he will be the only one who you’ll love. Because a couple months after that, I was the most happiest woman in the world.

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mialotuss · 2 years

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I don’t know what’s going on in my life right now.

I have no control and I’m finding myself stressed trying to control things that should just be. I’m afraid of abandonment, I can’t tell you why because I don’t even know myself.

I lost my best friend this year, my papa…31/05/22. This hit me, I can’t describe the pain I felt knowing that the person who also made me is dead. Someone who loved me endlessly, every morning I’d wake up to go to work and before I’d leave my papa used to say “baba have a good day at work I love you”. I’m tearing up writing this and hearing it in my head, I miss you papa everytime I walk by your room I smell you.

I won’t forget the way my mother went through, that broke my heart into pieces, she woke up crying holding your jumper and cried on the floor you perished on, in our home.

I won’t forget waking up to my mother crying, walking down the stairs and said she’s making an expresso for my papa because he’s about to wake up with her eyes full of tears.

I won’t forget the strength for me to even say out loud papa is with God because I didn’t want my mum loosing her mind.

I won’t forget being the eldest and arranging the entire funeral, collecting papas death certificate & having my full name printed on it.

I won’t forget waking up in new castle to my sister calling me crying saying dad won’t make it

I won’t forget me calling my brother on the phone screaming for him to do papa shahada.

I won’t forget my mum sobbing “don’t stop, don’t stop” to the paramedics to keep restarting his heart.

I won’t forget the NHS for failing my papa.

I won’t forget praying over my papa body and finally kissing his forehead goodbye.

I won’t forget praying over my fathers body and watching him get buried, so pure to return back to Allah.

I won’t forget the rose oud the came from his body before they closed the casket.

I won’t forget the way you raised me papa.

I won’t forget when I was at my lowest, when I had no job, when I had just about some change in my account when I had nothing you always told me “baba he patient & trust Allah.

I won’t forget how you treated my mum, like the queen she is, you told her you loved her everyday, you always gave her white roses, you made sure she didn’t do things alone, you never argued with her, you always thanked her for being the best wife, & mother of your 4 kids, you reminded her you loved her endlessly, you believed in her, you was loyal to her you never once shouted at her, you only ever just made her smile. Know I know what true love looks like.

I won’t forget when my mum looked down into your rested body & said I love you I want to come with you…is this what true love makes you do?

I won’t forget how much you loved me, and really meant the world to you papa I know that & you always made me feel like I was safe & not alone. You loved me even at my hardest moments, only parents could love a person in that state. You believed in me always.

My hearts truely cracked…in the end I know I’ll be a champion because of you papa.

rest in peace papa my Allah grant you the highest rank in Jannah & In Jannah we shall reunite.

Your first daughter, your first child

samia x

🤍🕊

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wonderlustlucas · 3 years

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restarted jack pot epilogue for,,,, at least the 6th time. i can’t believe it’s been over a year since i posted part 3 :( i’m so sorry guys :( thank you for being so patient, life is much different these days but i at least want to post the epilogue before i disappear for another year LOL

#i actually like this ending this time #everytime i work on it i just don’t like it and i have to restart it #hopefully i’ll finish this soon for u guys i’ve only posted 1 fic this year like wtf #i miss writing fanfic sooo much #love u guys #wonderlustlucas shitpost #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin

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yostresswritinggirl · 3 years

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okay,,, so,,, First of all, you are AMAZING. I have usually just stalked my fav writers as an anon but you are the first I'm requesting to, because I just admire you that much. Universe Reversal is SUCH a cool concept, thank you so much for bringing it to life!! Now, hear me out. How would the players react to Reader having flirty voicelines? Ex: "Oh, hey traveller! I have a question for you! Was your father a banker? Because I need Mora ya ;)" You don't have to, of course!! Prioritise yourself!

Anon, it's an honor to have you here, thank you so much for coming out of your shell to support ywy your words are too sweet,,

I struggled so much on this because I'm so bad at outright flirting I'm ahahahaha, so this ended being more like pick-up lines for SOME parts, some even crackish. I love the IDEA anon but I'm the WORST person for this apparently ahahhaha-

SUGGESTIVE THEMES, VIEWER'S DISCRETION ADVISED (Universe Reversal AU)

Albedo

"Ah, you're staring a lot lately, why don't I stay still and you take a picture? It would last longer uhu"

Albedo: And I took that personally.

Besides the screenshots, he ended up drawing that voiceline and it's his best piece yet.

Xiao

"If you wanted to hold my hand so badly, why not just take my hand for marriage so it's yours forever?"

His mind just goes into overdrive, while his keyboard clacks as he types into Google "(Y/N) x Reader marriage au"

If he can't find any, HE'S MAKING IT

Zhongli

"An invitation for tea? Do we have time, it's getting very late... unless there are other things you want to do besides tea fuhu~"

Goodness imagine how flustered he would be after that, and since it's part of his routine, that line echoes to him everytime he tries to drink tea

Zhongles would choke on his tea at least once or twice

Kaeya

"What's that smell? Your perfume? Ah, like sweet flowers, you KNOW I love those! Are you trying to rouse me or something~"

Ohhh smug boyo, that familiar smirk would force itself to his face as if he was ACTUALLY in the game.

Taking the comment to heart, he goes out to get 'better' perfume and well, he did attract people, just all of em are 3D

Ganyu

"Mmm, my whole body is in pain from all the commissions,,, can you give me a full body massage, please? I'll pay you appropriately depending on how good it is..."

Speaking of, Ganyu goes to book a massage for herself to indulge after barely using her paid leave the whole day. She's blushing the whole time at the idea as she gets the massage herself.

The massage therapist is very confused why she keeps kicking her legs and burying her face.

Diluc

"I only ever indulge in liquor when I'm in the company of people I trust. If I'm intoxicated, you'll take care of me, right? Ah, but if I act so... unplatonic with you, I hope you wouldn't mind."

Oh he is so down, not just to see such a new side to your character but also being your white knight for the night. He's so gentlemanly and sweet.

If unplatonic advances were to happen tho, well, Diluc.exe has stopped working. He'll need a restart.

Venti

"What's that- something on my face? Here? No? Mmm, can't you just come a lil closer and get it for me? I'll reward you with a kiss right after~"

Cute, CUTE, C U T E — he does weird whine and cry from happiness and the pain that comes with it. Pounding his fist on the table.

You better give him the damn kiss- ah he's kissing his phone.

Childe

"You want to fight? A spar is indeed a good way to hone our skills and stamina, I accept! Anytime, anywhere, we can do it by the fields or under your sheets."

Childe stammers and almost drops his phone, getting himself killed in-game at the first try. And your character would berate him lightly enough to rile him up.

He's getting that DLC, and may or may not record the whole thing.

@struggljng

#genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact x reader #xiao x Reader #Childe x reader #diluc x reader #Venti x reader #Zhongli x reader #albedo x reader #ganyu x reader #kaeya x Reader #exile.circlet #exile.goblet #sojourner specials #about sojourner

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foreverfallingforthestars · 3 years

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Shining in the Darkness

I've had to rework this plot about 3 times because I started this earlier this year and then restarted it a few weeks ago and then re-restarted it yesterday lmao I hope you guys like it

Word Count: 1699

Read on AO3

Rowaelin Month Masterlist

Day 13 of Rowaelin Month Prompt: Florist/Tattoo shop AU

~~~~~~~~

“Ugh,” Aelin groaned, “look at them pretending to be all high and mighty with their all-black, emo, punk tattoo shop.” She turned away from them in annoyance, instead taking in the bright and beautiful flowers around her.

“I mean, I hope you didn’t expect a tattoo shop to be all sunshine and rainbows,” Elide laughed as she wiped down the counter where bouquets were made.

Aelin sent her a withering glance. “You’re only saying that because you’ve been staring at Mr. Tall-and-Dark ever since they started moving in.”

Elide sent her a sweet smile in response. “As if you haven’t been staring at Mr. Tall-and-Blond? Plus, this is the perfect opportunity to go get that tattoo you’ve been talking about for ages.” Elide gasped and suddenly pointed the rag at her, “You should go by and give them a welcome present! It’ll brighten that dreary place up too!”

Aelin glared at her, “Don’t you have some work to do?”

“Uh-huh, sure, kick your favorite cousin out for having such a brilliant idea.”

Aelin rolled her eyes at her, “Aedion’s going to take offense to that. Technically, you aren’t even my cousin.”

“I don’t care, and Aedion can suck it,” Elide cackled. “Go get them one of the potted plants. Probably a succulent or two, since it doesn’t look like they can keep anything else alive,” she said as she walked into the storeroom to take inventory.

Aelin sighed as she turned back around to watch the two men wipe down the clear glass panels and windows of the store. Her floral shop, Kingsflame Florals, was right across from The Cadre, a tattoo shop that was apparently opening tomorrow, and she was understandably frustrated at how everytime she looked out her own shop’s glass panels, she saw the dark and gloomy exterior of The Cadre. There was enough darkness in her own brain over the last few years after her parents had passed away that she didn’t exactly need to see it constantly as soon as she looked out of her shop, but Aelin also knew that it was strictly her problem and that she really couldn’t take it out on the shop owners.

Elide was right, though. The only decent thing about the entire place was the fact that there was a Mr. Tall-and-Blond, except his hair glinted so brightly under the sunlight that it looked almost like platinum silver. Even from across the street, she could see his muscles rippling under his black shirt as he wiped down the windows, (this man did not care about the burning sunlight, and she had no idea how he could bear it), and Aelin could see the vague swirls of a tattoo down his arm and on the back of his neck. If she was being honest, she wanted to go see the design up close, maybe get some inspiration for what she wanted, but did she really want to deal with all that doom and gloom?

As she chewed on her lip, she decided that maybe her parents were worth facing that - and she would never admit it, but Elide was onto something with giving them succulents -, and so she turned back around and picked up one of their potted succulents that was there especially for the store. Aelin grabbed their water sprayer, gave it a few spritzes, fluffed her open hair, smoothed down her blouse, and walked out the store.

“Hey, neighbor,” she called out as she crossed the road. Aelin was definitely feeling slightly intimidated by how black everything was, but she could deal. She was out of her emo-depressed phase after her parents had died, and a black tattoo shop couldn’t change that.

The dark-haired man wasn't there, but the man with the silver hair turned around, and she was weirdly excited to realize that he had bright green eyes. It was like a surprise of sorts - the man who seems to prefer black had silver hair and green eyes, exactly the opposite of his personality. He was incredibly attractive, though. Gorgeous eyes, pretty hair, sharp jawline, and the tattoo swirling up his neck, almost creeping up his jaw.

“Hello,” he responded, a slight tilt to his words thanks to an accent. Aelin blinked at first, trying to remember how to breathe again because holy crap, the man was suddenly even more attractive, and this was so not fair.

She put on her best, charming smile as she responded, “Welcome to the street. Your shop looked a bit too doom-and-gloom so I decided to bring over some flowers from my shop!”

He raised an eyebrow as he looked at the plant in her hands. “Doom and gloom?”

“Well, yeah, your entire shop is black, which is quite an achievement honestly. How do you make something so dark when the front part of the shop is entirely glass which lets all this sunlight in?” she joked, but from the way his lips turned down into a scowl, she figured he didn’t exactly share the same sentiments.

“It’s a tattoo shop,” he stated in a manner-of-fact tone, “so yes, it’s a lot of black.”

“Um, right,” she awkwardly responded, her bravado effectively gone, “I just wanted to come by and give you a succulent to keep at the desk. I’m Aelin, by the way, I own Kingsflame Florals.”

He looked down at the plant again before looking back up at her. “I figured you owned the shop, but I’m Rowan. You can come in, if you want, and show me the prime location for that so it doesn’t look all doom-and-gloom.”

“You’re not going to let that go, are you?”

“Not at all,” he responded with a wry smirk on his face. He opened the door to the shop, and she followed him inside, immediately blasted with the cold air from the air conditioner.

She took the chance to look around the shop, and she was taken aback by the variety of designs posted around the walls. There were the simple designs like flowers, birds, dreamcatchers, and butterflies, while there were also insanely intricate designs of swirls and lines that created abstract art and distinct images, and all of it was just pure talent.

"These designs are beautiful," she breathed, setting the succulent down near the computer.

"Thanks," he replied, leaning an arm against the desk. "Interesting?" he asked, and Aelin could tell from his expression that he expected her to say no.

"Yes, actually," she replied with satisfaction as she watched Rowan's eyes widen slightly. "My cousin says that your shop opening up here is a prime opportunity for me to get the tattoo I've been talking about for ages."

"What’s stopping you from becoming our first customer then?" Rowan asked. Aelin shrugged.

"Lack of inspiration, I suppose?"

"Any ideas about what you want it to be?” Aelin shook her head, to which Rowan continued, “A reason behind getting the tattoo might help with the overall design.”

"We're not that close for me to share that part of my life with you."

"Really? I'd say these past five minutes makes us best friends," he spoke, leaning into her, mischief shining in his eyes.

Stifling a snort, Aelin rolled her eyes. “You should already know my tragic backstory then.”

“Same for you, Ms. Flowers,” he responded.

“No, but you see, I never claimed to be your best friend.”

“Ouch, that hurt,” he responded, a hand covering his heart with fake pain. Aelin’s lips quirked upwards at that with the realization that they had been leaning into each other during that entire conversation, and she was flirting with this man. She hadn’t even noticed how dark everything around her was because within that darkness was this man with bright green eyes that reminded her of pine trees from back home and silver hair that glowed like the moon,

“Fair enough,” she laughed lightly. “It’s for my parents. The shop was actually my mom’s idea for something to keep them busy after they retired, but they, uh, died in a car accident a few years ago. They never got to open it, so I did,” she said, looking out the clear panels to her own shop. It was years of hard work and pain, but she’d gotten through it. “I always wanted to get a tattoo, but now it’s more for them.”

She looked back at Rowan and was surprised to see that there wasn’t any pity shining in his eyes. No, it was understanding and compassion. He understood her decision, and it wasn’t something a lot of people were able to relate to. They would simply pass it off as a nice gesture she wanted to do, but it went deeper than that. It was a way to ensure she would never be separated from her parents, and from the way Rowan had let himself smile genuinely in front of her, she knew he understood.

“The tattoo you were staring at earlier,” he started, pointing a finger at his neck, and Aelin flushed realizing that she hadn’t been as subtle as she thought she was, “is about my wife and daughter that had passed away, also in a car accident. I understand your need to connect to them, so how about I draw something for you? You can take a look at it and make any adjustments as needed, but I can help you start off with something.”

Aelin looked at him, and she slowly exhaled a breath because maybe this was exactly what she needed. “Okay. I wanted it on my ribcage, if that works?”

“Yeah, of course, just be aware that you will have to at least take your shirt off,” he teased, and Aelin was so shocked that she barked out a laugh.

“Wow, Rowan, at least buy my dinner first.”

“Happily,” he replied.

Aelin sent him a bright smile, and she knew that she was never going to live it down from Elide that she had gone to the tattoo shop with the intentions of giving the grumpy men a succulent and had instead left with the man’s phone number and a beautiful tattoo design amazingly created with Old Language letters and a Kingsflame flower.

#rowaelin month #day 13 #rowaelin #aelin x rowan #aelin galythinius #rowan whitethorn #floral/tattoo shop au #romance #comedy

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multiplefandomsblog · 3 years

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Shuichi in Marshmallow Hell

request; Could I get Marshmallow hell with Shuichi if that's not a problem? Ty!!

warnings; Shuichi wears is still wearing a hat for a bit at the beginning, cussing, unedited, reader has big boobs, kinda crack fic?????? fluff

note; sorry this is a bit shorter than the others, m planning to double upload! also, sorry for the cringe omg i hate how this turned out, i really wanna restart it. Nonetheless, I still hope you somewhat enjoyed reading this garbage!!

- mod chia

◊ The day he fell face-first in your titties, Shuichi was walking down the hall with his hat on. Though he couldn’t see much because of his hat, his hat also prevented people from seeing his eyes and vice-versa, making him feel more comfortable and secure.

◊ It covered most of his view, so he wasn’t able to see much. Most of all, he wasn’t able to see you. Which lead to; him crashing into you- Well, your boobs. The hat literally flew off once it hit you, bouncing off your chest. Shuichi was sure he was experiencing heaven when he felt his head against your chest. Your boobs had softened from contact, and his entire head sunk in your chest, as a result of Shuichi experiencing pure bliss. Pure bliss before he fucking died from the embarrassment-

◊ He allowed himself to stay there for a few seconds, trying not to think about how everyone could see him stuffing his head in your chest(to be fair, it was an accident!), and how not even his hat could save him now. He couldn’t hear much, as a result of his ears being covered by the material surrounding your breasts.

◊ But he could hear a faint, “Shuichi, are you okay? I-I’m sorry!” Hearing you call for him, Shuichi slowly raised his head up, chin resting on the nook of your collarbone. “Oh hey s/o, what are you doing here?” His eyes were dazed, face flushed- You immediately questioned if he was sober, “A-are you high?”

◊ Shuichi seemed to snap out of it once you had given his shoulders a good shake, his eyes widening at you. Oh wait. Oh fuck. “A-ahh! I am so, so s-sorry!” He bowed several times before awkwardly limping away from the pure humiliation(and to hide a growing boner-), hat long-forgotten.

◊ After the whole marshmallow hell thing, Shuichi found himself thinking about your boobs- you more often.

◊ It seemed to interfere with his detective work, and honestly, just his regular thinking on a daily basis. He’d see an orange and think, “Boob?” His brain is kind of empty everytime you’re around him, he’s just constantly thinking about you and your—holy fuck are they big—mommy milkers.

◊ It’d be especially funny when you walk into the room during an investigation, and he accidentally says boob instead of blood.

◊ “The bl-” You walked in the room, “Oh hey Shuichi!” Shuichi paused, a bit too flustered to keep talking, but he wanted to seem cool in front of you so he continued despite his mind being completely filled with images of you. “T-the boob splatter indicates this was the scene of the crime.” His voice cracked, only worrying about the change in pitch of his voice rather than the fact that he said boob splatter in front of half the class.

◊ He gestured to the body, clearing his throat and swallowing down his nervousness, he continued, “The body wasn’t moved, you can tell by the large puddle of boob under it.” Kaito moved to correct him, feeling the terrible second-hand embarrassment from Shuichi. Kokichi suddenly pinched Kaito, “Nishishi!” He put a finger to his lips and snickered, ignoring Kaito’s annoyed glare and looking back at Shuichi to give him a thumbs up.

◊ Looking up and making direct eye contact with Kaito, he said, “Even so, the death was too violent to move the body without boob smear evidence.” Kaito felt as if he was dying inside as he held in his laughter. You, on the other hand, decided to turn a blind eye to what happened and instead encourage Shuichi, “W-wow! You sound s-so professional, Shuichi-kun!”

◊ Shuichi’s serious demeanor disappeared as he looked at you. He smiled shyly, rubbing his neck at the compliment, “Pshhh, It’s n-nothing...” Kokichi’s smile dropped as he looked Kaito dead in the eye and silently communicated with him, ‘He will never fucking know, got it? He’s too precious for the embarrassment-”

◊ ^^I don’t know what this is, im sorryheugrheheug-

◊ Something I can imagine Shuichi doing is, after a long day of investigating crimes, he’d come home to you and quietly ask for hugs, indirectly telling you he missed your boobs.

◊ You would just be doing anything at all, whether it was cooking, studying, sleeping, showering, and he would still find a way to your boobs. He really likes burying his face in your chest, so he always needs to cuddle you with your face facing his.

◊ He can’t sleep without your boobs smothering him anymore.

◊ He kind of has a built-in boob magnet in his system, he just always needs your squish.

◊ I can imagine him just finding you sleeping on the bed, and him just climbing in next to you and stuffing his head in your warm chest as if it was second-nature. Ugh, and pet his hair, he loves that.

◊ When he asks for hugs, he never admits that he wants to hug you so he could feel your softness against his cheeks again. He thinks it seems pervy, and he doesn’t want to seem that way to you.

◊ If he ever needs hugs and you deny him them, I wouldn’t say he becomes needy, but that’s exactly what I’m saying.

◊ “B-but, please?” UGH FHUSGBAKGSHJGADFIHBAJHSB

◊ You would cave in within 5 seconds because of the puppy dog look he gave you, sighing defeatedly before letting him suffocate himself in your boobs.

◊ He gets really embarrassed if you ever decided to give him marshmallow hell in public, though in an odd way it comforts him? He doesn’t have to see or think of anyone else’s judgemental stares because his face is stuffed with you.

◊ However, his face still gets super red. He’d want to pull away, but he can’t seem to find the urge to.

◊ So he just fucking doesn’t. Stays there the entire time like a motherfucking boss.

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utapriyanderes · 3 years

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Hey-o! It's your friendly neighbor artist, here to make a request for the yandere shining live AU (I'm assuming that what you're calling it). POV: You've had your favorite STARISH or Quartet Night boy on screen for a very long time and You've build up a pretty strong bond with them. However, one day you decided to switch them for another and he doesn't take to kindly to it...// Can you possibly do Ai and Ren's reaction?

Hello! Thank you for the ask! That’s correct I am calling it that. Also thank you for all the drawings you do of my AU here. I really love and appreciate it, everytime you tag me I get so excited and happy because I never thought anyone would want to draw anything I wrote or created. So it’s always a little surreal, but it leaves me happy for the whole rest of my day and even when I go back to look at the work you did. So, thank you so much!

(Note: Some line spoilers for higher level bonds.)

~ ~

ST☆RISH

Ren Jinguji:

You let out a sigh from the long and hard day you had, but now it doesn’t seem to matter since you can relax and enjoy the rest of your day with your best boy….

“It's great to see you. I hope this time with you never ends.” Ren as always is happy to see you. Especially since you’ve been visiting him more and more. It seems like every free chance you have you are going straight to him.

It makes sense, with how your days have been. You’ve been far more stressed and tense then you ever were. You would tell your feelings plainly then after you tell him how you feel so much better spending time with him. Even just looking at his face seems to put you in a much more happy and relaxed mood.

Yet instead of giving him a tap you click the “Idol” button. A wave of fear hits him but he tells himself that you’re probably just going to change his outfit and/or wallpaper. Except, you end up clicking on Masato instead. You select him as your favorite and spend your time smiling and talking to him.

Ren can’t help but to feel betrayed. He thought you loved him as deeply as he did you. He was certain you wanted to be with him here. So why did you go for someone else? Should he of acted off script so you knew he was really here for you? Not only that but how could you have chosen Hijirikawa over him?!

Deep jealousy spread throughout Ren as questions floated around in his head. He hated the conversation taking place without him. Everything you were saying was things you would only tell him. So Ren made sure you knew he was listening. He made sure the only voice you heard was his own. You don’t need Hijirikawa. All you need is him.

Everytime you would tap Masato, Ren would speak one of his lines instead, “Thanks for always being with me. I promise to devote myself to you from here on out.”. You were shocked to hear Ren’s voice come out of Masato’s lips. Even Ren’s lines showed up in the chat bubble when he would speak. Even restarting the app it would still always be Ren. Eventually you just gave up and switched back to Ren.

Which of course, is how it should’ve always been.

QUARTET NIGHT

Ai Mikaze:

You open up your favorite app to rest from the overworked day. You get comfortable and get ready to greet your best boy…

“We make a great pair, you know that? Let's keep at it.” You came right on time as he expected. He was content chatting with you as you would talk and tap him for a reply. He could only speak the lines written, but he wanted to talk to you as a normal human.

Then after a little bit, as the conversation was dying down, you suddenly clicked the “Idol” button. Ai wasn’t worried at all. He knew the two of you were a couple and that you wouldn’t change him out for anyone else. If anything you just wanted to change his look and scenery. Except once your hand went to tap for Reiji, something started to swirl inside of his chest.

It felt as though you were cheating on him. Like you were denying the “love” you two had for each other. Of course Ai didn’t believe it. Maybe he did something you didn’t like, which makes him determined to change it. Since he knows that you love him, and only him. You clicking Reiji was just a mistake, a way for him to see how hurt you were.

He can’t stand being in the background as you talk happily to Reiji. He has to show you that he’s willing to fix things. To be there for you when you need it. So, with Ai being the tech-savvy person he was, he quickly started to take apart code to put himself where Reiji was. The device’s screen would flicker between the two, causing the scenery to glitch in and out between what the two idols had.

Ai kept deconstructing and constructing code. You stared at the screen in worry and fear. Reiji’s smile was gone as he pulled a look of sadness, and pain as this was going on. It was an expression you never saw and you doubted it was one of his usual expressions. Then there was Ai’s voice, “I’m here for you… so please don’t leave me again.”

After hearing his voice in a desperate manner in a line you’ve never heard before, as the screen was switching from him and Reiji, you finally restarted the app. You took a few moments to yourself wondering if it was all in your head or if that really happened. Your heart was racing so fast in fear and horror at what you saw. After recollecting your thoughts you opened back up the app. Hesitating before you did so.

The title page seemed normal and when you were greeted with your idol on the home screen, it was Ai, “I'm pretty meticulous when it comes to keeping a diary. After all, our memories together are precious.” You let out a relieved sigh to see that his lines are normal. You were still shaken up but you decided to leave your favorite as Ai, as usual.

All you can do is hope that it doesn’t happen ever again.

#Here you go~!#Thank you again~!#Also to everyone I am still running low on asks so please send in more.#As well do any of you play otome games besides Utapri?#I'm just wondering because I'm replaying Nameless and I'm getting back into it and it's so good.#I was into it before Utapri and it's been five years now but it's like playing it for the first time but remembering as you go on.#(Also the same year I got into Nameless I got into Utapri but it hasn't been five years with Utapri yet. That's later in.)#(Though you can see which one stuck with me in the long term. haha.)#Anyways I'm sorry for rambling. I'm kinda scared just talking about things other than the AU but since all of my ramblings are in the tags #I think it is okay?#I mean. I don't know if you all want to know more about me but now you know just a lit~tle bit more now.#Thank you all.#prince/princess ask #utapri #uta no prince-sama #starish #quartet night #ren jinguji #ai mikaze #yandere shining live au #shining live #yandere males #yandere male #yandere #au #yandere au

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nanagoswife · 3 years

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Please, Don't Go. - Chapter 6

Summary: Flashbacks come back, but with a twist for Obi-Wan. An encounter happens...

W/C: 3.6k

Warnings: Where do I begin? Descriptions of a man burned alive, angst, murder, mention of blood and burned skin, injuries, suffocation, dark thoughts, I think that's it? (There's a reason I posted a heads up)

A/N: This does have a reference to Karen Miller’s Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Wild Space. I don’t mention the character’s name in this because it may be considered a spoiler? I don’t know. But, it’s a legends book anyways😅 anyways, the reaction Obi-Wan has is actually the same as it is with a little spice added. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy.

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As he held you, you eventually fell asleep in his arms. You more than deserved it. So, he took the time to admire your sleeping form.

Obi-Wan was determined to commit every detail to his memory. The slow rise and fall of your chest, the way your hair fell around you, how warm you were against him. Most of all, he wanted to memorize how peaceful you looked despite recent events. A small smile was on your lips as you were in the comfort of his arms. It was a smile that he didn’t think he would see for a while before he came to talk with you.

That’s when he began to think about what you had shown him. There was nothing that could’ve prepared him for that. Your worries ran way deeper than just your personal situation. You were worried more about your planet, your people, rather than your family. It was truly selfless, yet he still dreaded the fact that you were carrying that burden this whole time.

At first, he started to think of situations that he may have seen that were similar. In truth, there was not much. He’d seen slavery and torture, even been a victim of torture, and there was only one scene that he had seen from you that he had once witnessed. A truly horrid image, let alone witnessed experience. It made him glad that it was only an image for you.

Pained screams filled the air. A pang of guilt pulled on Obi-Wan as he looked to his master. Their eyes met with a mutual feeling. They had both failed to keep the man safe. The two of them still advanced as they could possibly still save him.

That thought was wiped away quicker than a varactyl finishing a hundred meter race. His eyes first settled on the flames licking at the grassy ground. There must’ve been fuel around the small area before catching onto the stake where the man was. He was suspended on this stake and Obi-Wan had no time to try and see how. Instead, the man’s restarted screams broke this thought. The young man watched in horror as the flames quickly consumed the man attached. The agony filled screams, the sight of fire burning a blistering skin, and Maker, the smell.

He wanted to find the people had done this, but he wasn’t able to. The feelings he was having were against the Jedi Code. That wasn’t the only thing stopping him, though. What he was witnessing had frozen him to place and he thought about how that could be him if they captured him. No, it’d be worse. This man was only speaking against working people to death, whereas Obi-Wan would not only be defending this stance, but he’d be trying to send them to jail at the very least.

After that day, he had been plagued by the sight. Everytime he tried to sleep, he was constantly visited by the scene over and over. It had gotten so bad that he refused to sleep at a point. He was nineteen when he had seen this and nothing he had seen before this had shaken him so badly.

If he were being honest, he still was visited by these dreams every now and then. The only difference was that now he had come to terms with it and it wasn’t as horrifying anymore. Not when it was something he constantly re-lived for many years. Thank the Force that Qui-Gon helped him then, and still occasionally does.

Momentarily, he was broken from his thoughts as you shifted the slightest bit, making yourself more comfortable and burying even further into his chest. A smile crept across his lips as he watched your still peaceful expression. He pulled the blanket higher and draped them around your shoulders so that it would provide further comfort in the chilly room.

Then, he started to think about that moment again. Only, this time, it wasn’t the man. In fact, the person wasn’t a man at all. The person now on the stake was you. Accompanying the rest of the vivid details, he was now imagining your agonizing screams as the flames consumed you. He imagined how he watched you die and had no other choice but to stay in place as he was also constrained; held by two guards who forced his eyes to meet yours.

As he watched, something in him snapped as your screams had ceased. The connections, the bond the two of you shared was broken. You were gone. An unbearable pain filled him as he realized that he couldn’t even hold you one last time. You didn’t deserve the excruciating death that you had been subject to.

An anger bubbled in his chest as he thought about how those men had done that to you. They didn’t even let him say goodbye. Instead of being afraid, his anger took over him. He was determined to find the two culprits and make them suffer. Nothing but revenge filled his mind as he knew they were not far away.

In an act of blind rage, he broke the restraints that bound his hands with the force and easily fought off the two that had held him in place. Neither of them had his lightsaber, but that wasn’t a problem.

He made his way to where the two fiends were surely enjoying their recent endeavors. When he opened the doors to the building they were in, the inside was suddenly an entirely different place. The surroundings looked like some sort of hallway with multiple red shields on the way to the end. There was a glance of someone in front of him behind one of the red barriers but it quickly dissipated and the entire inside of the building changed once again.

Though he was confused as the building was once again the actual one, his eyes landed on the two men. They were quivering in terror as he advanced. There was something about it that actually pleased him.

Then, everything was a blur. All he could catch glimpses of were moments where his knuckles were bloodied, some point he had his lightsaber, and then one where he was force choking one of them.

When it was over, the two were in an unrecognizable heap in front of him. His breathing was heavy as he stared at it, lightsaber still ignited.

An overwhelming sense of grief and dread for his own actions overcame him. He crumpled to his knees and started to cry. What had he done that led you to your fate? What took over him that played out this moment? He held his face in his hands as so much conflict flooded through him.

“Obi,” he heard your soft voice accompanied with a gentle shaking motion. Opening his eyes, he looked into your eyes that were filled with concern.

“Are you alright?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

Your words confused him until he noticed his rapid breathing. Not only that, but you brought a hand up and wiped tears away from his face. When had he even fallen asleep?

“Was it what I showed you? Because, if it was, I’m so sorry that-”

“Shh, no it wasn’t that,” he reassured you as he brought a hand to your cheek and rubbed comforting circles into your cheek. “I… I just had an old nightmare.”

You met his eyes and you immediately knew he wasn’t telling you the full truth. The two of you had spent so much time together that you could each read the other well. So, he knew he wasn’t going to get by this.

“Obi-Wan, you were making sounds. It sounded like you were in pain.”

“Okay,” he said quietly. There was no way he could keep this secret. “There was something that you showed me that I once witnessed,” he said as you gently traced patterns on his chest to comfort him. Then, he told you everything. That mission on Antar 4, then how it all shifted to how it was you instead of the man he had witnessed. The only thing he left out was what he saw when he first opened the door to the building. He would bring that to Qui-Gon.

You listened intently and continued your subtle actions that soothed Obi-Wan’s painful retelling. After he finished the dream, you pulled him to you and caressed the back of his head as his face went into the crook of your neck.

“Oh, Obi. It was only a nightmare.”

“What if this is a way the force is showing me that I’d give in? I don’t know what I would do. Y/N, I’m scared,” he blurted out, still pressed against you.

The admission almost shocked you. At the same time, you understood because it also scared you. “Obi-Wan, it’s alright. It wasn’t real and I won’t leave you in life, or in death. I’ll still be with you.”

This seemed to calm him down. His breathing became more even and he began to relax.

“I do want to ask you one thing.”

He brought his head from its spot against your neck and moved so that he met yours, “Of course.”

“Please, don’t go to the Dark Side because of me. Promise me that you won’t seek revenge or act on it if anything like that happens. I want to be your strength to continue on, not your weakness.”

Obi-Wan’s beautiful blue eyes looked into yours with immense adoration and care. Slowly, he nodded.

“I promise.”

Months had gone by and nothing happened. The most dangerous situations they had gone through was occasionally tripping over something. It made the two Jedi more suspicious rather than relieved.

You were also suspicious of it all. Just before this being sent into hiding, you had been attacked by bounty hunters. So why weren’t they trying to find you. It couldn’t be because you all had actually found a planet that good to hide on.

At the moment, Qui-Gon was out trying to contact your brother to find out what was going on. On top of the suspicious quiet, there had been a message saying that conflict was quelled enough that it was safe again.

“Shouldn’t this be good news,” you asked more warily as you watched Qui-Gon disappear into the bushes.

“We need to make sure it isn’t a trick. This could be someone else that would put your life more in danger for their own gain,” Obi-Wan replied. He was waiting very patiently for Qui-Gon to fade far enough to know it was safe.

You were thinking the same thing when you turned around to face Obi-Wan. For a few moments, the two of you stood and waited until he finally nodded the all clear.

Quickly, you made your way into his arms. It was simply a hug, but the two of you felt like it would give something away to Qui-Gon. The two of you were sure that he was catching on to a few changes, like sitting next to each other closely or going out to watch the stars often, but that was all.

Mainly, the two of you would wait until Qui-Gon was gone, or Obi-Wan would sneak into your room after his master was asleep.

The most unforgettable night was only a week ago. It was one of the nights that Obi-Wan didn’t have to go out to get supplies and Qui-Gon went due to contacting your planet as well.

That night, the moon was high and full and positioned perfectly in the clearing of trees that it shed just the right amount of light. That night was already special, as it was the day that your father had been coronated and married your mother.

You were celebrating on your own as you looked up at the stars. Obi-Wan was currently repairing something so he couldn’t come out. So, you sat in the usual spot against the rock, singing songs written in honour of your parents and of the events. They were played every year and were joined in a planet wide celebration. People from around the planet were allowed into the castle’s entrance yard and in the surrounding city for the whole thing.

It was a beautiful demonstration of unity. What went wrong?

“Y/N?”

You jumped as you didn’t notice that Obi-Wan was standing right beside you. You were so swept up in your memories along with humming the songs that you were unaware that he had joined you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s alright.”

For a moment, the two of you were silent. Obi-Wan stayed standing and looked up at the same patch of stars that you were currently studying.

“What song was that?” His question took you slightly by surprise. Embarrassment filled you as well as you had never sung in front of, well, anyone. Maybe in front of your family and Kenth, but no one else.

“It’s one of the many songs played to celebrate this day. To celebrate my parents. This particular one was for them to dance to. A waltz of sorts.”

You went silent as you remembered watching your parents dance to this. It was a tradition that they would dance to this alone. No one else joined in. It was just the two of them and sometimes you and Davin would join. Only really when you were very young though. That’s when you had an idea.

“Do you dance Obi-Wan?”

“Not often.”

“Would you like to?”

The two of you met the other’s gaze. His face softened as you looked at you and he couldn’t help but nod his head. “Only if you tell me about this celebration.”

At that, you smiled largely. Obi-Wan offered you his hand and helped you stand. He easily brought you to his chest and placed a hand on your waist. You rested your hand on his shoulder and couldn’t help but trace little patterns.

“I didn’t know Jedi could dance,” you said jokingly.

Obi-Wan chuckled, “Well, we do have to mingle during social events often enough.”

“Fair point,” you chuckled.

Then, the two of you started to dance, Obi-Wan leading you to a rhythm only he knew. Like promised, you told him about the celebrations that were always held. You told him how the whole week was a holiday and how it was a festival of sorts. The whole time, you described everything from the food to the decorations. You even told some stories about how you forced Captain Baize to dance with you.

Forcing Kenth to dance wasn’t the only thing you would drag him into, though. There were games, puppet shows, and so many people who came with beautifully decorated pots, clothing, tapestries, and so, so many sweets and deserts. Since you always needed a guard, you dragged Captain Baize everywhere. Sure, he did enjoy coming with you, but he was always hesitant to start. In the end, he knew that you wouldn’t take no as an answer and that he also really wanted to see what was brought in.

As you regaled Obi-Wan with every detail, his smile never dropped and he never broke eye contact with you. He was enjoying how bright you were while recalling these memories. Seeing you like this, he committed the moment to memory. Your smile made you even more beautiful than you already were.

A snap in the distance took his attention from you. You also looked in the direction it came from. Obi-Wan separated from you and guided you behind him. His hand moved to hover over his lightsaber.

“Obi?” you whispered.

“It’s not Qui-Gon. If something goes wrong, be prepared to run.”

For many offputting, silent moments, Obi-Wan was on high alert. Occasionally he would shift you around to a position to better protect you as he sensed the movement of a being. He tried to search for more. Dread filled him as there were two more that he sensed.

Before anything could happen, Obi-Wan sent a message to Qui-Gon through the force. It wasn’t of words, but it conveyed the danger that was rapidly approaching.

“Well, well, well,” said one of the bounty hunters as he emerged from the brush. “Come on out boys. It’s only the padawan.”

You heard the others laugh maniacally as they all followed into the clearing. Immediately, you recognized them all. They were the men who had been after you all those months ago when you first met the Jedi. Their leader was Zacrick Moorlin.

Obi-Wan instinctually guided you further behind you so that his full body blocked you. If it were the last thing he did, he was going to make sure that they wouldn’t get to you. He consciously used the ship’s ramp as protection as well as he could. He wasn’t taking the chance of someone sneaking up from behind.

“Look at how protective he is. Is she really that important?”

“She’s more important than you think,” Obi-Wan snapped. “I won’t let anything happen to her.”

“Oh you won’t? Oh we’re so sorry. We’ll just pack up and leave then,” Zacrick replied scornfully. “No. We’re leaving with her dead or alive.”

You saw as Obi-Wan’s shoulders tense at the remark. Carefully, you placed a hand on his back to try and calm him. If anything were to happen, being that tense would not allow him to properly fend them off.

Your gesture worked. You could feel as he loosened and even became more attentive.

“Now, padawan, I would suggest stepping aside before we force you to.”

“That’s not happening as long as I’m alive.”

“Then we’ll change that.”

Zacrick made a gesture and the other bounty hunters pulled out their blasters, Obi-Wan igniting his saber, and they started firing shots that were easily deflected. The shots didn’t last long, but it was long enough for Obi-Wan to not notice that Zacrick had disappeared.

Before Obi-Wan could search for his energy, the other two began firing again.

“Y/N, ru-” he was cut off as he turned to see that Zacrick had you, an arm around your neck.

There was a knife in the bounty hunter’s other hand and fear pulsed through Obi-Wan. That knife was too close to your stomach.

“Let her go,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Obi, it’s okay,” you said, your breath being squeezed out of you as the arm around your neck tightened.

Obi-Wan couldn’t help but let his face soften when he looked at you. He wanted to comfort you as much as you were trying to comfort him. Zacrick looked between the two of you and was hit with a realization.

“Oh, so the two of you care for each other, do you? Isn’t this perfect.”

Panic rose in Obi-Wan’s heart as the knife was brought up to your arm and was placed just under the sleeve of your short sleeved shirt.

“In that case, you get to watch.”

The whimper you made as the knife dug into your arm sent a pang of pain through him. He was about to do something until he felt an electric pulse shoot through his body.

“Like he said,” one of the other bounty hunters said, “you’re going to watch.”

His head was forced up by his hair and he had no choice but to watch as your blood began to spill around the knife. He saw as Zacrick tightened his arm around your neck, cutting off all air.

Moments later, your eyelids fluttered closed. Once you lost consciousness, the bounty hunter carelessly let you fall to the ground in a heap.

Obi-Wan didn’t care, he was going to get to you. Surprisingly, they let him go to your unconscious form. He took you in his arms and immediately examined the cut on your arm after checking your pulse. Relief flooded him as the cut wasn’t too deep and your pulse was still even. The relief only lasted a second as anger overtook him. They could’ve killed you. They could have cost you your arm.

After placing a brief kiss to your forehead, he carefully laid you to the ground before standing. His breaths became quickened as only anger filled him. How dare they do this? How could they be so careless? Why did they force him to watch?

As he turned towards the three bounty hunters, fear filled their eyes. Suddenly, he used the force and lifted Zacrick in the air as he crushed his windpipes. It felt amazing. The force seemed to have a new electric flow through him. It rippled in him and made him feel stronger.

“Obi-Wan!”

The voice startled him. Qui-Gon was running out of the forest but stopped a few feet away from his padawan.

“Control your feelings, padawan. Let him go,” Qui-Gon said sternly.

That’s when Obi-Wan snapped back to reality. What was he doing? Revenge was never something he should’ve acted on. No matter what this man had done, this was not the course of action. The worst part was that he liked it until Qui-Gon snapped him from it.

As the bounty hunter was let down to the ground, all three of them quickly ran. If that was how only one would act, they didn’t want to see what both of them could do together.

Obi-Wan was breathing heavily, almost as if he were choking himself and not the bounty hunter.

“I- I don’t know…”

“We’ll discuss it later. For now let’s make sure the princess is alright.”

Obi-Wan nodded, he was almost distraught. The thought of making sure you were still alright brought him out of it.

This was not going to be an easy conversation.

@stardancerluv @where-fantasy-meets-reality @jaydenwoo @madmax2003

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