#fandomfrictionfracas

[mysticdragon3md3]

Ngl i prefer the 2016 version purple on the right.

#hobbies #fountain pens #ink #colors #lamy #fandomfrictionfracas #articles #I'm so glad I'm still new to fountain pens and primarily buy Noodler's Ink & Monteverde ink #purple #violet

[md3artjournal]

Most Important Lesson I Learned As An Artist by Rafi Was Here

This vid is about general art fairs, but chasing trends is such a big issue among the otaku fanartists in artist alley. We always conclude that you should draw what you love, instead of chasing trends.

I used to watch anime series that didn't catch my interest, because it was expected to be popular and thus sell in artist alley. I'd try too hard to convince myself that i loved the series, so that i could "draw what i love" while chasing a trending anime series at the same time. Turned out to be one of the most toxic fandoms I've been in. And i never did fanart for it or my artist alley table. Because when you try to force yourself to love a series that your core self wasn't actually interested in, all your repressed criticisms of it start to build up and eventually come out. I thought my criticisms weren't that bad, but apparently, popular fandoms are the most rabidly fanatical, and thus, reactionary, defensive, and therefore, toxic. It's much better to only chase series you genuinely, personally love, as an individual...because apparently, i was leaning on sharing the fandom's communal excitement, as part of my enjoyment of the series, since it alone wasn't actually good enough for me. Draw what you love. But also, only watch the anime that you genuinely love. Don't lie to yourself.

#trends #artist problems #food for thought #subject matter #trending #popular anime series #yoiventing #toxic fandoms #fandomfrictionfracas #Youtube

[nidailylife]

8.13.2023. I feel like i keep venting too much on my main blog, forgetting i have this sideblog.

My main blog is supposed to be about fandom stuff. ...Unfortunately, a lot of my meltdowns and mental crisises are about famdom stuff. (I dont have too much else in my life. Too much social anxiety.) I must be scaring people on my fandom blog. No wonder even some of my favorite arists blocked me. 😥

Maybe i just need to get back to journaling offline. But it can be a hassel to boot up my computer. And once i turn it on, i often forget to turn it off. It's going to wear out too soon. Sometimes it's just easier to write on Tumblr. It's been so much more dependable than other apps I've tried in the past. Apps that lost everything when my phone died. Like all those notes i took of my symptoms when the pandemic first started. I wish i could still reference those. So many habit trackers that just got bugs and messed up my notes too. Tumblr is just more reliable. And it's not like I'm followed by non-bots anyway (except for maybe like 2 or 4 people). Maybe i should just have a private Tumblr for my journalling and venting. But i never remember the passwords for private sideblogs. And writing my hand is unsustainable for me. There's always too much i want to write and not enough stamina in my hands.

Anyway, i got really annoyed over a fictional character, almost for the entirity of yesterday. I dont want to delete my ranting posts, because those are important personal fandom records for me. But it's also pretty ridiculous, embarassing, and unnecessarily hostile. But you cant Archive tag search private posts. So i went back and hid all my ranting posts under cuts. I just hope leaving my rants posted publically doesn't make me the infamous crazy fangirl they talk about behind my back or on other platforms. ...But it's alwaysba possibikity because I AM a crazy fangirl.

I just feel so stuck as an artist, when all i want to draw and make merch for is my OTP...but Ive probably destroyed my reputation in the fandom. I can't be confident about opening an online shop or selling stickers or especially networking and advertising my art/merch, when i know the fandom i make art for, probably hates me, ON TOP of my illustration skills being objectively bad. But "small business artist" is my only career/financial option right now. And I'm destroying it by expressing my fandom.

The other day, someone poated a list of things to do to have a good reputation online, for small business artists, or maybe it was for people in general. One point was to not post opinions about anything (especially political). I'm a human being. Is that really possible to do?

I keep thinking about rebranding, separating my past fangirl self from my art business. But i hit a wall when i realized almost all my art is attached to my fandoms. Even if i changed my online name brand, it'd be too easy to anyone to find my art also on my art blog or fangirling blog, then realize i eas that crazy fangirl with a ruined reputation. How can i feel confident, sinking hundreds of dillars, making merch out of my fanart, and then advertising it to the corresponding fandom communities, when even a rebrand may not save me. I used to be so hopeful that a rebrand could free me from all my worries. But if you need to advertise your art, it's too easy to use that very art to track my old identity. I really feel trapped and stuck, and unable to move.

...But i guess that's usual with my frequently catastrophizing brain. I still dont know what to do tho. Im still too afraid to open that online shop or advertise my merch.

I think about rebranding to only my original art, cut ties with fandom when it comes to my small art business. But I've watched too many marketing vids to know that not piggybacking off a preexisting community, is the opposite of smart. ...but ive ruined my rep with them...i think...

Just feeling trapped. Paralyzed. Too afraid.

And journalling on Tumblr. Tho even that is stressing me out, in a way, too, i guess.

#journaling #blogs #processing thoughts #artist problems #small business artists #venting #fandomfrictionfracas

[mysticdragon3md3]

#kingdom hearts #videogames #fandoms #fandomfrictionfracas #queendomcardiac #lady emily

[mysticdragon3md3]

Reminder i need to relearn this.

#reminders #fandomfrictionfracas

[mysticdragon3md3]

#humor #bots #spam #fe3hfuukasetsugetsu #fandomfrictionfracas

[mysticdragon3md3]

Fandom Policing, Purity Culture and the Death of Media Literacy by E

#watch later #video essays #media literacy #toxic fandoms #purity culture #soooooantishuh #food for thought #tw #fandomfrictionfracas #fandom policing #Youtube

[mysticdragon3md3]

#geek pride #shipping #canon characterization #non canon #fandomfrictionfracas #shipping wars

[mysticdragon3md3]

Got so annoyed with unsolicited discourse yesterday, i have to meme it out of my system.

#elredeaglescrit #fe3hfuukasetsugetsu #reactions #memes #fandomfrictionfracas #post20230812a0234 #post20230812a1320

[mysticdragon3md3]

I love that i finally discovered the Mute function. It's like a protective shield that says, "Are you sure you're in a good enough headspace to deal with drama today? Maybe it'd be safer to not be a curious cat today."

#tumblr #mute #functions #ui #thanks tumblr staff #self care #curating spaces #boundaries #fandomfrictionfracas #elredeaglescrit #filters

[mysticdragon3md3]

In this edition of "My Social Anxiety Sucks":

So i may have had a freak out, and all but Privated a post, even tho it was already getting Likes.

But please excuse me while I'm still traumatized by FE3H fandom, where any kind of post showing any kind of opinion could easily get you attacked. Where we all tagged our posts with personal codes and avoided common tags, so we could post about our fandom feelings without exposure.

I thought the Netflix Nimona fandom would be safe for me. It felt fairly drama free. But then i broke my rule about avoiding common tags. I let my guard down. Someone instantly reblogged my post, seemingly Privately. Now my brain is whirling on speculations.

Is this as bad as private quote retweets? Where people just want to rant anger? Did i make someone that angry? What did i do wrong? How many mistakes am i already making when i JUST got into this fandom??? Is this going to be like fe3h all over again? Did someone with that similar post that i only remembered after the fact, get mad at me for "ripping them off"? Am i not allowed to fangirl over the same things with my own posts? Our posts couldn't be exactly the same... But I've been wrong about seemingly innocuous things before, that turned out to breech internet etiquitte. Like, that time one of my favorite artists posted an angry rant about comments that state not knowing a character (or comparing a fanart to a different character), not calling me out by name, but coincidentally soon after i reblogged their art with a tag comment about not knowing the character. I wanted to keep track of when a character first caught my attention. I thought it was a compliment to like art enough to reblog it, without even knowing the character or fandom!😭

...I've got too much paranoia and social anxiety issues. I cannot express the amout of anxiety I've had, just by having common tags on my post for only a few minutes.😥

And tho i do appreciate them making the mysterious invisible reblog Private, so i don't have to see it, i am still and always have been overly sensitive about people being even a little angry with me. I can't even take raised voices.

If i wasnt so bad at memorizing passwords, i probably should have made my blog private.

I'm coming to the conclusion that maybe I'm not cut out for participating in fandom. I'm not suited to making any type of connections. I need to remember to never stop hiding.

Edit: And then it turned out the reblog wasn't private, Tumblr is doing new ui stuff that some report as not showing pfp on reblogs, but apparently is manifesting on my post as making reblogs seem invisible, except to the tumblr desptop's reblog web map, and the blog description of the reblogger thankfully specifically says that they reblog things they like. So my social anxiety can't get away with telling me it was an angry reblog anymore. No one is mad at me, and my social anxiety was just taking me on a not fun roller coaster ride again. 🙃

#blog #social anxiety #fandomfrictionfracas #personal fandom records #tags #processing thoughts #internet etiquitte #pinkfluidnf #fe3hfuukasetsugetsu #reminders

[mysticdragon3md3]

Thinking...for my mental health...i should try no longer reading text posts from fandom. Maybe some funny Tweets or short non fandom thoughts. But at least for a little while, i need a break from all this self inflicted parasocial pressure.

#i know feeling this way is dumb but I can't help what I'm anxious about #social anxiety #random thoughts #fandomfrictionfracas #reminders #scared who's going to find out i ship ir is dumb #subpsychopomp #fe3hfuukasetsugetsu #self care #parasocial relationships #positive media psychology #social media #tho nimona fandom has been safe so far so maybe i can still read those #pinkfluidnf

[mysticdragon3md3]

Too much internet for now. I gotta go.

#twitter is a hellsite #social media #toxic fandom #fandomfrictionfracas #social anxiety #we'll see if I actually manage to successfully go offline for the night #trying so hard not to post a rant online #trying to keep my ranting on my offline journal at least when it comes to this

[mysticdragon3md3]

Not now. And maybe not anymore.

#personal fandom records #fandomfrictionfracas #fe3hfuukasetsugetsu

[mysticdragon3md3]

I think one of my favorite fanartists blocked me.

I can't reblog their fanart post. And though the Tumblr algorithm suggests their blog to me and suggests other posts which have reblogged their art, whenever I try to go to their blog or their original posts, Tumblr says there's nothing there. Google says this is one of the few ways to tell if you've been blocked on Tumblr.

Feel sad, but I can't blame them. I am a weirdo, and post some very strange rants and reactions. I've even disagreed with a lot of the fanon in my current OTP. They _should_ protect themselves from my weirdness.

Trying not to dwell on it. Many times, my anxiety has made me paranoid that a fandom community I loved/respected was shunning me. Thankfully, time proved my anxiety and paranoia wrong. But now it looks like I've found a case where it was true. It's just fortunate that by now, I've already felt so disconnected from my OTP's fandom that I don't feel as sad as I've felt before when I was simply paranoid about these same things. Odd. But i guess it's easier to take being blocked, vs finding angry posts about me.

But this once again makes me sad that I got out of Persona 5 fandom and into FE3H instead. P5 fandom was so nice and felt like a community. ...But it's probably my whiney posts like this, complaining about being caught into FE3H fandom, that would likely make anyone block me.

But how would anyone even find my whiney posts anyway? I don't use common tags. And I'm fairly certain almost all my Followers are bots. I've always treated my blog like no one was Following. The one time someone went through my blog to read posts with uncommon tags, it was after we had gotten into a back and forth reblog conversation. But I've never chatted with the fanartist who likely blocked me.

I wonder what I did wrong. Maybe I said something stupid in my reblog tag posts. Sometimes I forget that they can be read and I write tag comments mostly for me alone. Then I remember other people can read them and I quickly change it, hoping no one saw it. I still regret that time I rambled about some random personal memory of mine, in reblog tags on andrew's adorable dimiclaude fanart. I started ranting about how my cousin would always complain to me about how he ended up making an elaborate drawing on lined paper instead of nice sketch paper, because he thought he was just doodling, each time he started. Then I would always have to chide him into remembering to stop doodling on lined paper and just doodle on blank paper each time, because he'd never know when his doodles would turn elaborate. The way our conversations like this went, it seemed like my cousin was always baiting me into chiding him about it. Maybe that was "empathizing/sharing his frustration with himself", by hearing it externalized through me too. Then I realized that maybe if andrew saw my reminiscing tag comments, he might think I was chiding him for not drawing on nicer paper or something. Even though his paper doodles were just as lively and beautiful as his digital art! ;o;! I quickly changed those tag comments and hoped he didn't see them or thought they were addressed to him. I still wonder if I should DM an apology to andrew. I haven't seen him post to the OTP tag in a long time. ;_; I do say a lot of dumb stuff that would get me understandably blocked. ;_;

Everyday, I am reminded why I purposefully avoided having friends in real life. I just screw up every single interaction. ;_;

But practically speaking, I really should stop posting my every thought and reaction, at least in tag comments. I'd feel kind of wrong if I didn't post whatever I wanted, even my stupid reactionary thoughts, to my own blog, after for so long I advocated for making your blog for you, vs being too self-conscious about your Followers. I definitely have become more wary of stopping myself from writing long comments in reblog tags, like I used to. I've taken steps already. But maybe I should scale back a little bit on using my blog like my private journal. I've been writing my every thought as a post through Tumblr mobile, ever since my laptops have had problems, and I couldn't journal on them. But the thing is, I'm posting about things related to my experience of my fandoms, and recording all that is what my Tumblr blog is for. At least, for me. Again, if Windows Explorer was better at searching files, maybe I'd keep more of my thoughts in my private offline journals, like I used to. But Tumblr's search is just too good and it seems like a much more complete record of my fandom experience. I don't want to give up writing what I want on my blog. If Tumblr could search Private posts, I'd make more of my posts Private. Until then, I am doing what I can: I use unique tags now; I hide most text under a cut. I've done what I can. If someone is going to search through my blog anyway and feel off-put by my weirdness, blocking is all they can do too.

It really is weird that I'm not more broken up about this. Previous fandom experiences have had so much of my emotion invested in it, and my anxiety had my paranoia into overdrive, and any negativity set off my over-sensitivity to the extreme. Well, at least there's this one advantage to the fandom disconnection I've been lamenting for a while.

Maybe it's good to be reminded to not be so dependent on fandom community. Fandom community is really nice and it's fun, but all my enjoyment shouldn't be dependent and so fragile as to fall apart at any slight disagreement. After all, my experience of FE3H fandom has almost reverted back to how I used to experience fandom, back when I'd enjoy a series by myself and never interact with anyone about it. I'd write fanfics for myself and draw fanart for myself, and never show anyone. And I was having fun. I can't really lament feeling disconnected in FE3H fandom, when even enjoying it virtually by myself, is still fun in those same old lone ways. (With the exception of a few regular positive interactors from the fandom, and enjoying everyone's fanart, fics, and discussions, as a lurker. Thanks, everybody. You're so nice. ^_^ )

#wandering in the dark #processing thoughts #fandom #fe3hfuukasetsugetsu #KhalidMitya #social anxiety #tags #blog #personal fandom records #reactions #in this edition of gawd do i ever need therapy #lrb~lrt #fandomfrictionfracas

[mysticdragon3md3]

#reminders #storytelling #story analysis #analysis #discourse #fandom #authorial intent #problematic #fandomfrictionfracas