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thewolvesof1998 · 5 months

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Created by @mostlyinthemorning

Day 12 pt. 1

Okay, so I thought I would do something special for the last day, here is a list of all of my favourite fics from all of my mutuals (I've read like 95% of these and others are highly anticipated!) I'm going to have to do this in two parts!

Lets Go to Bed by Wildgirl93 @wildlife4life

Eddie just wanted to cuddle with his boyfriend and take a nap. Chimney just wanted a quiet place to sleep and steal Buck's bed just for a short time to do so. And Buck was just finishing his shower.

to you i'm just a man (to me you're all i am) by Underhung_Aura @eddiebabygirldiaz

Buck is fucking tired of living with his parents. He’s nearly thirty years old for Christ’s sake, and he is sick to death of being at their beck and call, of having to bend to their every whim, of being constantly scrutinized while also being constantly ignored. For his entire life he has been buried beneath their thumbs, his weak, aching, fragile body pushed further and further into the ground until dry soil and broken twigs flood his mouth, left to rot with the mark of their fingerprints burned so deeply into him that there’s no way of removing them. OR Buck is the son of the president of the United States and is finally moving out of the White House. His new home comes with new neighbors, Eddie and Christopher Diaz, who quickly become the center of Buck's world. But despite being out from under his parent's thumb, Buck's life is messy and complicated and ruled by the fact that he is the First Son which means he is always under the watchful eyes of his bodyguards. None of that stops him from pursuing a life with the Diaz boys, but there are many complications, some of which he isn't even aware of. Yet.

Your heart or mine? Yours every time by Spotsandsocks @spotsandsocks

Buck and Eddie get trapped in an elevator, which would be fine except Buck’s skipped a few meals recently and he’s a little hungry. He’s also not exactly told his best friend everything about himself so the secret he’s been keeping is about to be revealed at the worst possible time in the worst possible way. Buck can handle it though and if it comes to it he knows what he has to do to keep Eddie safe. Eddie however has his own thoughts on the subject and sometimes secrets aren’t as secret as you think. A soft concerned voice and a hand on his arm jerks him back to here and now, “Hey you ok? You’re breathing funny.” It’s the touch that does it, it’s both too much and nowhere near enough. Eddie looking at him like that, touching him gently, it’s too close to what he wants, and he wants a lot. He wants far too much from this man and he can’t have any of it. Unable to stop himself Buck jerks away, the movement far too fast and abrupt not to cause more concern in his friend. “Buck” Eddie’s hands are held up in a gesture designed to soothe and comfort, all it does is show Buck his pulse point.

we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) by heartbeatdiaz @loserdiaz

"Interesting read?" Buck asks and when Eddie shoots him a confused look, he nods towards the book in his lap. "Leave The Light On?" "Oh! Yeah, it's one of my favorite books." Eddie smiles, shy and charming. "I've read the series like, a thousand times." "Really? Huh?" Buck feels his heart thump erratically inside of him. Holy shit, holy shit. Eddie Diaz read his books. Honestly, how is Buck supposed to act normal after such revelation? "I'm actually flying to an audition right now. Hopefully to be part of the movie for the book." Eddie says and then frowns. "Oh shit, I don't know if I should've told you that." "It's okay." He leans forward and grins, squinting one of his eyes and shrugging. "Your secret's safe with me.' or; Buck's a best seller author under a pen name, Eddie is an actor auditioning for the movie adaptation of his books, and somewhere along the way, they fall in love.

Castles Crumbling Downby jesuisici33 @jesuisici33

Eddie sits down on the bench, laying his head back against the cold stone wall. With his eyes closed and arms crossed, he hopes it fools the guards into thinking Eddie is more calm than he really is. That they can’t tell how much his heart is pounding or how his skin itches to start punching things. Again. Just like how they found him when his hood fell off and people let out cries that the Princess Assassin is here amongst them. OR: i had a tumblr prompt in my ask box and when i watched nimona things finally clicked.

you been looking for love (let me show you how it's done) by wikiangela @wikiangela

“Are you-” he frowns, the confusion somehow winning with the urge to just lean in and kiss him so thoroughly he’ll forget about any other kiss he might’ve shared with any dates. “Are you doing all this on purpose?” “Doing what?” Eddie tilts his head, licks his lips, and – Buck’s almost a hundred percent sure – drops his gaze to Buck’s lips for a second. “Eddie.” Buck takes a deep breath, and wants so badly to kiss the smirk off of Eddie’s face. “Please.” “What for?” “You’re driving me insane.” he whispers, nails digging into his palms to prevent himself from reaching out. But Eddie’s thigh is pressed against his, and somehow his hand is on Buck’s knee now, and Eddie’s looking at him in such a way, that it makes Buck hot all over – or, hotter, his palms are sweating, actually. “And I feel like you are doing it on purpose.” or, Eddie is a tease, Buck is horny and jealous of Eddie dating, and a regular evening takes an unexpected turn.

so you've got the looks but have you got the touch? by BekkaChaos @bekkachaos

The 118 team spend a night out to celebrate Maddie and Chim’s engagement and wind up at Karaoke. They take turns singing and Buck thinks Eddie is so predictable and tells him so, only for him to throw a complete Louisville curveball and surprise him. But that doesn’t impress Buck. Not much.

Don’t spoil him because you feeling guilty (just love him how you really mean it) by disasterbuckdiaz @disasterbuckdiaz

“First of all, if I remember right, two months ago you were too old to have plushies,” Eddie points, looking at his son. He even portrays how Chris said it to him, which causes Chris to roll his eyes in response. “Don't roll your eyes, Christopher Diaz. Secondly, we agreed that since I'm buying you the fancy console you dreamed of, you don't ask for anything else for a whole month, do you?” Christopher sighs but nods in agreement. Eddie can't help but smile at how cute his son looks and raises his head to share this moment with Buck, who is not standing next to them. Eddie almost starts to panic when he sees Buck at the checkout. He returns a minute later and hands the penguin to Chris, who lights up brighter than the sun. or, 5 times Eddie tries to understand why Buck spoils Chris more than ever after his coma, and 1 time Buck tells him why

come close, let me be home by Daffi_990_ao3 @daffi-990

“Looking good out there, Buckley” Eddie says as he hands him a beer. Buck accepts the bottle and takes a seat beside him, popping the cap off to take a drink. “Any chance we’ll see you bust some moves on the dance floor, Diaz?” “Maybe, if I have the right partner”. Eddie’s looking right and him and Buck can feel a blush creeping its way across his cheeks. It’s shit like this that has him thinking maybe this thing between them isn’t just one sided. Buck takes another pull of beer, keeping eye contact with Eddie and watching how the other man tracks the bob of his adams apple as he swallows. “The night is still young and full of possibilities.” Buck replies, and he swears he sees Eddie’s eyes sparkle OR Buck and Eddie slow dance at Maddie and Chim’s wedding

merle said mama tried, but the prison still won by oklahoma @malewifediaz

“You’ve made bail, Diaz.” Eddie stands, wipes his sweaty hands off on his jeans, and clears his throat. “This isn’t even a real jail, Dwight,” he says, stepping through the makeshift cell door held open for him, and looks over at his rescuer. “Hi, Buck.” - Eddie goes to (mall) jail.

The Bridge by escapethroughreading @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese

"Dad? I think Buck isn't okay." "Why would you say that, mijo?" "I use 'find my friends' to keep an eye on him sometimes. Since he doesn't come over anymore. You know the bridge we drive over to get to school? Buck's been there for two hours. The weather's really bad. He shouldn't be out there."

i like the summer rain (i like the sounds you make) by fleetinghearts @shitouttabuck

Death comes for Eddie in the form of a small fluffy bunny. Several small fluffy bunnies, actually. He’s not being hyperbolic, okay? This is how he goes. Hen and Chim can take their Drama Queen Diaz eye rolls and shove it. He’s having a perfectly reasonable reaction to the sight before him. And if the classic bright white light everyone talks about is more accurately a kind of warm glow dotted with sparkles and floating cartoon hearts in his current experience? Well, that’s between him and his God. or, it's truly tragic that eddie diaz isn't kissing buck buckley, especially when everything he does makes him so damn kissable The one with all the nicknames by buddiefication (pumpkincreamcoldbrew) @911onabc Eddie has never been overly fond of pet names. He uses them on Buck a lot, though. OR: 5 times Eddie calls Buck a platonic nickname + 1 time he doesn’t.

Feels Like Magic by 42hrb @exhuastedpigeon

“You used too much magic again,” Buck’s voice was quiet as he spoke, but he knew Eddie heard him. “You’re alive,” Eddie’s eyes were closed, but Buck knew the look Eddie would be giving him if they had been open. It was the same look Eddie had given him when he had said ‘because, Evan, you think you’re expendable but you’re not’. It was a look that made Buck feel truly and completely seen in a way he never had before. “There’s no such thing as too much if it saves you.” “Go to sleep,” Buck said, because if he left himself say anything else he’d be telling Eddie he loved him and he didn’t think in the bunk room at two in the morning after an exhausting call was the right moment, but then again, Buck was pretty sure he’d be taking that secret to his grave. -- An urban fantasy AU where most things are the same, except there's magic and supernatural creatures!

now go stand in the corner and think about what you did by eddiediaztho @spagheddiediaz

Buck was the most forgiving person Eddie knew. In fact, Eddie was pretty sure that Buck was the most forgiving person that anyone knew. He had forgiven Maddie for leaving him when he needed her the most. He had forgiven his parents for their years and years of emotional neglect (amongst other things.) Hell, he had even forgiven that psychopath that blew up the fire truck that almost cost him his career and his life. Which is why Eddie was beside himself that he was going on hour twelve of the cold shoulder from his best friend.

you can see it with the lights out by yourcatfishfriend @your-catfish-friend

Eddie has Halloween plans: stay home and mope because Chris is trick-or-treating with his friends instead of his dad. Buck interrupts to introduce Eddie to the joys of Adult Halloween, and Eddie realizes a few things.

i could get used to having you around by HungryHungryHippo @hippolotamus

Even so, there’s a certain intimacy in knowing Buck is comfortable there, cooking a meal with Eddie’s kid and saying - in different words - come home to us. The thought tugs at his heart, and within seconds, Eddie tosses his phone aside before throwing his truck in reverse. He thinks he might hear music when he approaches the front door. Inside, it’s difficult to decide what he notices first. Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now playing through the Bluetooth speaker, the aromatic blend of spices emanating from the kitchen, or the way his heart skips a beat when he sees Buck standing next to Christopher, laughing and stirring something on the stovetop. “What a homecoming,” Eddie praises. He’s 87% certain there’s a dopey, lovesick grin on his face. Chris and Buck both stop what they’re doing to turn and look. Buck smiles warmly, like someone much more important than Eddie’s just arrived.

Too busy being yours to fall for someone new by LadyDorian05 @ladydorian05

Natalia helps Buck pick a couch for his apartment, but when the wrong one gets delivered he starts to think maybe it's some kind of cosmic sign from the universe. Determined to not let his best friend mope to death, Eddie decides it's time that he helps Buck find a couch so that he can stop associating a piece of furniture with the success or failure of his romantic relationships. And he does, Buck finds the one.

Flickers of Fate by steadfastsaturnsrings @steadfastsaturnsrings

"Did-Did the man who helped me pull out the dead solider survive?" Eddie mumbled, "He-He....said he was right behind me but then disappeared...Is he okay?" "There was no other man, Diaz, You were the last one out of the helicopter. You pulled out that solider all by yourself" The official standing over him responded, looking at Eddie curiously. Eddie opened his eyes again, trying to sit up. "Easy, Easy Diaz" The official soothed, putting his hand on Eddie's chest so he would lay back down

Paradise Blue by king_buckley @king-buckley

When Evan Buckley ran away from his problems to a resort in Italy, he never thought that the enigmatic bartender would have quite the impact on his life that he did. alt title - i went to italy and fell in love with the bartender and had to make a bartender!eddie au

tagging: @hippolotamus @exhuastedpigeon @steadfastsaturnsrings @monsterrae1 @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @buddierights @jamespearce9-1-1

#9-1-1 #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie fic #fic recs #thewolvesof1998 fic recs #12 days of fandom joy #ao3

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snowysakusa · 6 months

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going down the brocedes rabbit hole pretty quickly, so i decided to make a taylor swift playlist-

can i call this a brocedes fic with taylor swift lyrics? cause it kinda is just that... anyway lets get down to it.

okay how about:

invisible string Cornelia Street Sweet Nothings Maroon champagne problems tolerate it coney island peace exile All Too Well (10 Min) The Archer The Great War Say Don't Go this is me trying You're Losing Me my tears ricochet Breathe Is It Over Now? The Way I Loved You I Bet You Think About Me Now That We Don't Talk

Here's the 'story'

1. invisible string / like a prologue (lewis' version perhaps)

Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no strings Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All long there was some Invisible string Tying you to me? Time, mystical time Cuttin' me open, then healin' me fine Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me? A string that pulled me Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you (...) Time, wondrous time Gave me the blues and then purple pink skies And it's cool, baby, with me And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?

unrelated to this narrative but: Cold was the steel of my axe to grind For the boys who broke my heart Now I send their babies presents (literally lewis sending presents to nico's daughters, i screamed)

2. Cornelia Street / Lover song, can't imagine it ending, prologue 2 (nico's version)

We were a fresh page on the desk Filling in the blanks as we go As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead Leading us home (...) Memorize the creaks in the floor Back when we were card sharks, playing games I thought you were leading me on I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street Before you even knew I was gone But then you called, showed your hand I turned around before I hit the tunnel Sat on the roof, you and I (...) Walk me back to that apartment Years ago, we were just inside Barefoot in the kitchen Sacred new beginnings That became my religion, listen I hope I never lose you I'd never walk Cornelia Street again Oh, never again (...) That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

3. Sweet Nothings / Beginnings, sweet nothings leading them on

I spy with my little tired eye Tiny as a firefly A pebble that we picked up last July Down deep inside your pocket We almost forgot it Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes? They said the end is coming Everyone's up to something I find myself running home to your sweet nothings Outside, they're push and shoving You're in the kitchen humming All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more" To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

4. Maroon / They're loosing themselves here, the start of hurting each other

The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbin' with your head in your hands Ain't that the way shit always ends? You were standin' hollow-eyed in the hallway Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us I feel you no matter what The rubies that I gave up

5. Champagne Problems / consequences, mellowness, public view of their feud

You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse Because I dropped your hand while dancing Left you out there standing Crestfallen on the landing Champagne problems You had a speech, you're speechless Love slipped beyond your reaches And I couldn't give a reason Champagne problems Your Midas touch on the Chevy door November flush and your flannel cure "This dorm was once a madhouse" I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me" How evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you "She would've made such a lovely bride What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said But you'll find the real thing instead She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

6. tolerate it / nico pov, he's had it, begging for acknowledgement

I sit and watch you reading with your head low I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed I sit and watch you I greet you with a battle hero's welcome I take your indiscretions all in good fun I sit and listеn While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine, but what would you do if I Break free and leave us in ruins Took this dagger in me and removed it Gain the weight of you then lose it Believe me, I could do it If it's all in my head, tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

7. coney island / lewis pov, doesn't understand what changed, grief towards the relationship

Break my soul in two looking for you But you're right here If I can't relate to you anymore Then who am I related to? Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you? And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering, "Where did my baby go?" The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go Sorry for not making you my centerfold Do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care? 'Cause we were like the mall before the internet It was the one place to be The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name When the sun goes down The sight that flashed before me was your face When the sun goes down But I think that I forgot to say your name Over and over

8. peace / decisions and confessions

Our coming-of-age has come and gone Suddenly the summer, it's clear I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches Give you my wild, give you a child Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother Is it enough? But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

9. exile / conflict within themselves

I can see you standing, honey With his arms around your body Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town Now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now? You were my crown Now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leavin' out the side door So step right out, there is no amount Of crying I can do for you All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

10. All Too Well (10 Min) / Recap of everything that went down, trip down memory lane, receipts for combat (11. the archer)

And I, left my scarf there at your sister's house And you've still got it in your drawer even now And I can picture it after all these days And I know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me Your cheeks were turning red You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team You told me 'bout your past thinking your future was me 'Til we were dead and gone and buried Check the pulse and come back swearing, it's the same After three months in the grave And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you But all I felt was shame And you held my lifeless frame And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to 'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light And there we are again when nobody had to know You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath And maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all Too well They say all's well that ends well But I'm in a new hell every time You double-cross my mind The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel Whose shine reflects on you That's what happened: You You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes Sippin' coffee like you're on a late-night show But then he watched me watch the front door all night Willin' you to come And he said: It's supposed to be fun Turning 21 Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again But I'm still trying to find it But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence And it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too? 'Cause in this city's barren cold I still remember the first fall of snow And how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too well Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well? Just between us, do you remember it all too well?

11. The Archer / pre-climax

Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone Dark side, I search for your dark side But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here? I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost The room is on fire, invisible smoke And all of my heroes die all alone Help me hold onto you I've been the archer I've been the prey Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay? Can you see right through me? They see right through me I see right through me All the king's horses, all the king's men Couldn't put me together again 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends Help me hold onto you I've been the archer I've been the prey Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay? You could stay Combat, I'm ready for combat

12. The Great War / self explanatory, climax. screaming, crying, throwing up (but well see 13 & 14)

My knuckles were bruised like violets Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked Tore your banners down, took the battle underground And maybe it was ego swinging You drew up some good faith treaties I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone You said I have to trust more freely But diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire And maybe it's the past that's talkin' Screamin' from the crypt Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did So I justified it It turned into something bigger Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed Your finger on my hair pin triggers Soldier down on that icy ground Looked up at me with honor and truth Broken and blue, so I called off the troops That was the night I nearly lost you I really thought I lost you There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair And we will never go back To that bloodshed, crimson clover Uh-huh, the worst was over My hand was the one you reached for All throughout the Great War Always remember Uh-huh, we're burned for better I vowed I would always be yours 'Cause we survived the Great War

13. Say Don't Go / turnaround

I've known it from the very start We're a shot in the darkest dark I'm standin' on a tightrope alone I hold my breath a little bit longer Halfway out the door, but it won't close I'm holdin' out hope for you to Say, "Don't go" I would stay forever if you say, "Don't go" Now I'm pacin' on shaky ground Strike a match, then you blow it out Oh no, oh no, it's not fair Why'd you have to (why'd you have to) Make me want you (make me want you)? Why'd you have to (why'd you have to) Give me nothin' back? Why'd you have to (why'd you have to) Make me love you (make me love you)? I said, "I love you" (I said, "I love you") You say nothin' back Why'd you have to lead me on? (Oh) Why'd you have to twist the knife? Walk away and leave me bleedin', bleedin'? Why'd you whisper in the dark Just to leave me in the night? Now your silence has me screamin', screamin' go" I would stay forever if you say, "don't go" But you won't, but you won't, but you won't

14. this is me trying / nico, post-retirement-ish, rough patch, regrets

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that I just wanted you to know That this is me trying They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here Pouring out my heart to a stranger But I didn't pour the whiskey And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (...) At least I'm trying

15. You're Losing Me / the end, melancholy, relationship finale pt.1, friends? we're not friends vibes

You say, "I don't understand, " and I say, "I know you don't" Do I throw out everything we built or keep it? I'm getting tired even for a phoenix Always risin' from the ashes Mendin' all her gashes You might just have dealt the final blow Stop, you're losin' me I can't find a pulse My heart won't start anymore For you 'Cause you're losin' me How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'? I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick And the air is thick with loss and indecision I know my pain is such an imposition And you know what they all say You don't know what you got until it's gone How long could we be a sad song 'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life? I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier Fighting in only your army Frontlines, don't you ignore me You're losin' me Stop (stop, stop), you're losin' me Stop (stop, stop), you're losin' me I can't find a pulse My heart won't start anymore

16. my tears ricochet / the final blow, relationship finale pt.2, dead and gone and buried

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me I didn't have it in myself to go with grace 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain Crossing out the good years

17. Breathe / cause and effect, acceptance

I see your face in my mind as I drive away, 'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way But it's killing me to see you go after all this time Now I don't know what to be without you around And we know it's never simple, Never easy Never a clean break, no one here to save me You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve And sometimes it doesn't work out, Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out I can't, Breathe, Without you, But I have to, Breathe, Without you, But I have to

18. Is it Over? / resentment, bitterness, both sides, in your face type of vibes

I slept all alone You still wouldn't go And did you think I didn't see you? There were flashing lights At least I had the decency To keep my nights out of sight Only rumors 'bout my hips and thighs Was it over then? And is it over now? When you lost control Red blood, white snow Blue dress on a boat Your new girl is my clone Let's fast forward to three hundred awkward blind dates later If she's got blue eyes, I will surmise that you'll probably date her You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor You search in every model's bed for something greater Oh, Lord, I think about Jumping off of very tall somethings Just to see you come running And say the one thing I've been wanting But no

19. The Way That I Loved You / reminiscing, flashbacks

He is sensible and so incredible And all my single friends are jealous He says everything I need to hear, and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better He respects my space And never makes me wait And he calls exactly when he says he will He's close to my mother Talks business with my father He's charming and endearing And I'm comfortable He can't see the smile I'm faking And my heart's not breaking 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all And you were wild and crazy Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated Got away by some mistake and now I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name I'm so in love that I acted insane And that's the way I loved you Breaking down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kind of rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you

20. I Bet You Think About Me / again with the reminiscing of the past, their lives, a bit of knife digging in the wound, I bet you think about me while thinking about them, double sided sword there

3 a.m. and I'm still awake, I'll bet you're just fine Well, I tried to fit in with your upper-crust circles Yeah, they let me sit in back when we were in love Oh, they sit around talkin' 'bout the meaning of life And the book that just saved 'em that I hadn't heard of But now that we're done and it's over I bet you couldn't believe When you realized I'm harder to forget than I was to leave And I bet you think about me You grew up in a silver-spoon, gated community Glamorous, shiny, bright Beverly Hills I was raised on a farm, no, it wasn't a mansion Just livin' room dancin' and kitchen table bills But you know what they say, you can't help who you fall for And you and I fell like an early spring snow The voices so loud sayin', "Why did you let her go?" Does it make you feel sad That the love that you're lookin' for Is the love that you had? Now you're out in the world, searchin' for your soul Scared not to be hip, scared to get old Chasing make-believe status, last time you felt free Was when none of that shit mattered 'cause you were with me I bet you think about me in your house With your organic shoes and your million-dollar couch I bet you think about me

21. Now That We Don't Talk / they still check in on each other, instead of talking, the end

You went to a party I heard from everybody You part the crowd like the Red Sea Don't even get me started Did you get anxious though On the way home? You grew your hair long You got new icons You didn't have to change But I guess I don't have a say I call my mom, she said that it was for the best Remind myself the more I gave, you'd want me less I cannot be your friend So I pay the price of what I lost And what it cost I don't have to pretend I like acid rock Or that I'd like to be on a mega yacht With important men who think important thoughts Guess maybe I am better off Now that we don't talk And the only way back to my dignity Was to turn into a shrouded mystery Just like I had been when you were chasing me Guess this is how it was to be Now that we don't talk

i tried to make this short- i tried and did not succeed.

when i listen to songs i see stories and i connect them, all that jazz. I saw this.

i apologise to everyone who's normal about brocedes, im not apparently.

#brocedes #f1 #lewis hamilton #nico rosberg #im not okay #that post that went this narrative fits both nico and george kinda killed me dead gone died #brocedes edit #mine #i think i hallucinated this whole thing tbh #my ramblings

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bidisasterevankinard · 9 months

Note

Soft buddie fics recommendations ?

Hi, some my favs

there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head by my love @alyxmastershipper 💙😘

the ducking of evan buckley by @cowboy-buddie 💕

growing sideways by @housewifebuck 💙

I've told you now by @giddyupbuck 💙

ring the bells by @the-likesofus 💕

boyfriend duties by @honestlydarkprincess 💙

we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) by @loserdiaz 💙

in which they adopt a puppy by @monsterrae1 💙

Send me something please I'm bored

#anon #buddie #buddie fic rec

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blueskrugs · 2 years

Text

Cornelia Street | Nico Hischier

once again I originally planned this fic for a different player, but here we are over a year later, writing it for Nico instead. can't say I'm mad about it. this fic also has the added bonus of being in celebration of 1100 followers!! 💛 this fic roughly follows the 2019-2020 season fyi

shoutout to @broadstbroskis for always being down to beta these babies, no matter how long it’s been since I’ve written something, and to @antoineroussel for lowkey being the reason I was so motivated to finally finish this fic.

this took 13 sheets of looseleaf to write, and idk that feels important.

length: 5.3k words

We were a fresh page on the desk Filling in the blanks as we go

It started, like many things, Brianna Miller would later learn, because of Jack Hughes.

Brianna was sitting in a café, sipping her morning coffee and idly skimming a reading for one of her lectures. Someone rapped their knuckles on her table, startling her. She looked up. Jack was still relatively new to the Jersey sports scene, but Brianna knew enough to recognize him. He was smirking. Brianna would also learn that that was a common occurrence, as well.

“Can I help you?” she asked. She glanced around the café. It was busy, but not crowded enough that anybody would need to kick her out of her prime corner table.

“My friend thinks you’re cute,” Hughes announced.

Brianna glanced around again. This time she spotted someone at a table not far from her own, hiding his face in his hands. If this was some sort of mean joke, Brianna didn’t think it was very funny.

She forced a laugh. “Yeah, whatever,” she said, hoping she sounded blasé. She shut her laptop, harder than she meant to. “I’ve gotta go, I have classes to get to.” Hughes’ grin, which hadn’t faltered until now, fell. She shoved her laptop in her bag and stood, pushing past Hughes.

“No, wait,” he said. He grabbed Brianna’s wrist but dropped it quickly. He cast a look over Brianna’s shoulder. “A little help, bro?”

“I told you not to say anything,” a soft voice said from behind Brianna. She tried desperately to place the accent before she heard someone step up behind her.

“Well, you weren’t going to,” Hughes shot back. Brianna turned. Serious eyebrows. Shy smile. Bright red cheeks. Nico Hischier.

“I’m sorry about him,” he said. Hughes made an offended noise behind Brianna. They both ignored him. “I’m Nico,” he added, offering her a hand.

She shook it. “Brianna.”

Nico’s smile grew, less shy, more confident now. “Jack wasn’t lying, by the way.” He did still look a little sheepish.

“Well, maybe I should just give Jack my number then,” she said, sounding more confident than she felt.

Nico just grinned. Brianna was relieved, in a weird way, that he recognized her teasing and was rolling with it.

“I wouldn’t,” Nico said. “He’d probably ghost you.”

Hughes made another indignant noise; they ignored him again. Brianna held out her hand for Nico’s phone. A part of her still wondered if this was some sort of mean-spirited prank, but Hischier seemed sincere enough, so she might as well go with it. It would make a nice story one day, at least. Nico handed over an unlocked phone, still grinning at Brianna. She hoped her hands didn’t shake too obviously as she carefully typed her number into a new contact, then double-checked it.

“Wish I could stay, boys,” she said, passing Nico his phone back, “but I’ve got a class to get to and a reading to finish for it.”

“Yeah,” she heard Nico say faintly as she brushed past him.

Brianna wished she could say it was easy after that. Days passed, then weeks. Brianna never heard from Nico. She finally brushed it off and was just starting to forget it had happened when Nico tumbled into the seat across from Brianna at the same coffee shop where they’d met. He startled her so much that she nearly spilled her coffee, and she glared across the table at him. He at least had the grace to look chagrined.

“Can I help you?” she asked, an echo of what she’d said to Hughes.

“I’m so sorry,” Nico burst out. Brianna raised an eyebrow at him and took another sip of her coffee. “I’m terrible at texting, ask anyone else. I don’t know how to start conversations, it’s why Jack came over to talk to you in the first place, then we left on a really long road trip, and I was too busy to do anything except sleep, plus with the time difference on the West Coast…” Nico had said all that in one breath, but he trailed off. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

Brianna shook her head. “I don’t need or want your excuses, Nico.” Nico winced and opened his mouth to say more, but Brianna talked over him. “I get it, you didn’t mean anything by it, and Hughes put you on the spot. I just wanna move on.”

“They’re not excuses!” Nico protested. He winced again. “Er, well, I guess they are but…it’s not that I didn’t want to text you, I’m just really bad at this.”

“Whatever,” Brianna said, but she didn’t make any move to get up. Neither did Nico.

Nico huffed and pulled out his phone. Conversation over, apparently. Brianna’s phone vibrated next to her. She narrowed her eyes at Nico and picked it up. A text from an unknown number read: Do you want to get coffee sometime? I’m pretty bad at texting. Another text rolled in. This is Nico btw.

Brianna glanced up at Nico. He was staring at his phone, trying to keep a straight face, but the way his eyes were crinkling at the corners gave him away. Brianna sent him back an emoji with its tongue sticking out. Nico chuckled and set his phone aside.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated again.

Brianna was starting to believe him. She kicked him gently under the table.

“Alright, fine, you’re off the hook,” she told him. “For now.”

Nico broke into a grin, and Brianna noticed for the first time how tense he’d been. She lost track of time while she and Nico chatted over their coffees, trying to get to know each other. Nico asked about what Brianna was studying—secondary education with a focus on history— and seemed actually interested as she lost herself in an explanation of her classes. Brianna knew enough about the Devils to know that the state of the team was rather rocky, but Nico’s face lit up when she asked about his teammates. It was obvious that he’d do anything for them.

Nico’s phone rang, startling both of them. They both stared at it. Eventually, Nico swore under his breath and picked it up. It stopped ringing, and a text came through instead. Nico grimaced.

“Team meeting, apparently.” He sounded apologetic.

Brianna glanced at the time on her own phone. “It’s fine. I’ve got classes this afternoon I should get ready for, anyway.”

Nico waited until Brianna stood before he got up, too. “Can I see you again?” he asked.

Brianna pretended to think about it, but Nico was too earnest to deny. She couldn’t resist teasing a little bit, though.

“You’ve earned yourself a second chance, don’t waste it by ghosting me again.” Nico flushed. “I’ll text you or something, okay?”

Nico grinned at her. Brianna was really starting to love that grin. “Okay.”

Nico did get better about texting after that, though Brianna could tell that he really was awkward over text. It turned out to only be a few days before they saw each other again, when Brianna ran into Nico at a bar on Sunday night. Literally.

The bar was crowded enough that it was a little hard to navigate, and Brianna blindly bumped into someone as she turned away from the bartender, spilling her drink over her hand. The stranger’s hand reached out to steady her.

“So sorry,” a voice said, hard to hear over the noise of the bar. They were both jostled again when someone bumped into him on the other side.

Brianna frowned. “No, it was my fault,” she said. She wasn’t on her first drink. Or her second, or third, for that matter. Wait. She knew that voice. “Nico?”

She looked up into the face of the person she’d bumped into for the first time. Nico was distracted, too, looking over his shoulder to talk to someone. A teammate, probably. He turned when Brianna said his name, though. His hand was still on her elbow. A crease appeared between his eyebrows.

“What are you doing at a bar on a Sunday night?” he asked. Someone passed him a beer. He took a drink without looking away from Brianna.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Brianna pointed out.

“Don’t you have class tomorrow?”

“Don’t you have practice?” Brianna countered.

Nico rolled his eyes, but a small smile was growing on his face. “Fine, you have a point.” He looked closer at Brianna’s face, too serious. She wanted to kiss him until she could get him to smile again, suddenly. “You’re drunk.” An observation, not a question.

“No, I’m not,” Brianna argued. A little tipsy, maybe.

“You like to argue when you’re drunk.” Nico sounded amused. Brianna stuck her tongue out at him, and that amusement grew, his eyes crinkling again. “Alright, where are your friends?”

“It’s my birthday tomorrow,” Brianna said instead of answering.

Nico was leaning close to hear her over the din. He blinked at her.

“Happy birthday.” He paused, but didn’t say anything else. Brianna stepped away from the bar finally, leading Nico back to where her friends still were. “I’ll buy your next drink, yeah?”

They were at Brianna’s table. One of her friends looked up.

“Oh, good, we were starting to think you’d been kidnapped,” she said. “I see you found a friend,” another commented.

Nico’s hand had moved from Brianna’s elbow to the small of her back. Brianna threw an arm around Nico’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“If anyone’s getting kidnapped here, I think it’s me,” Nico said mildly. He let Brianna lean more of her weight on him.

“Nico thinks I’m cute,” Brianna announced. Nico laughed, still under her arm.

“Someone make sure she drinks water and gets home alright,” he told the table. They laughed. Nico carefully extracted himself from Brianna. “Text me tomorrow, okay?” he told Brianna.

Sorry about last night, she texted him in the morning, more than a little embarrassed. But you still owe me a drink, she added. She hadn’t really seen Nico again after he left her table, other than glimpses of him with teammates in the bar, rowdy and happy.

Happy birthday, Nico responded. Brianna waited for another message, watched the typing bubble appear, disappear, then appear again. No message came through, and Brianna set her phone back down with a huff and went to get ready for class. She was getting tired of whatever game this was.

When she picked her phone up again, she did have a new message from Nico after all. Sorry about the drink. Rain check? Maybe with dinner? it read.

Maybe there was no game after all.

And, baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

Brianna and Nico took it slow. Dates when they could squeeze them in, sporadic texts and long hotel room phone calls when they couldn’t.

Brianna got tickets to a home game in early January and begged her best friend Lauren to come with her. She pointedly ignored the teasing. Lauren had been at the bar for her birthday a few months before and knew Brianna had been dating someone since then; she was smart enough to put two and two together.

“What if I just wanted to go to a game, huh?” Brianna asked, staring at her closet. She didn’t own much Devils gear still, and wearing the hoodie she’d stolen from Nico the week before seemed like a bad idea. She also ignored the unimpressed look she knew Lauren was shooting at her back. Brianna sighed and pulled a red sweater out of her closet. At least it was the right color, unlike Lauren’s bright blue Islanders jersey.

“Did you even tell Nico you’re coming to the game tonight?”

Brianna had not. She didn’t really know how to, though it felt stupid. She knew Nico was trying to keep this—whatever “this” was— close to his chest still, and that was okay. She was something separate from hockey to him, and going to the game felt like crossing a line, somehow. She didn’t want to push him into anything he didn’t want to do, just because she’d wanted to watch him play in person. She’d tell him after the game.

So nosebleeds with her best friend it was. It turned out to be a good game, despite the overtime loss. Nico got on the scoresheet with a goal and an assist, and Brianna shot him a quick “great game!” text as she and Lauren followed the tide of fans out of the Rock. There had been something mesmerizing about the way they’d all cheered for Nico when he’d scored, the way the city clearly loved their young star, their future. She was still thinking about it on the way home, lost in her thoughts until Lauren nudged with her elbow.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Brianna’s phone vibrated in her lap, momentarily sparing her from responding. It was a text from Nico, a simple smiley emoji and a red heart.

“Hey, do you wanna go to another game sometime?” Brianna asked.

She’d give anything to see Nico’s smile after he’d scored again.

Windows flung right open, autumn air Jacket round my shoulders is yours

Not long after that night in the bar, Nico took advantage of a full day off to drag Brianna out to Allamuchy State Park for a hike. It was late fall, closer to winter than to autumn at this point, but it was mild enough, weak sunlight cutting through the chilly breeze.

“I think you’re overestimating my fitness levels here, bud,” Brianna griped, several steps behind Nico and trying not to pant too loudly. Nico laughed, but stopped to allow Brianna to catch up, hands on his hips. Nico had picked an easy trail, not too long or hilly, but still, “Not all of us are professional athletes,” she said.

It did feel good to get moving after nearly an hour in the car, and, despite the mostly bare trees, it was pretty and peaceful, quiet this far from this city. It would be beautiful in the spring or summer.

“Sorry.” Nico sounded truly apologetic, but Brianna shot him one more glare for good measure. Nico started walking again, letting Brianna fall into step beside him. “I like hikes like this back home in the summers, but there never seems to be enough time there these days.” Brianna was probably imagining the way Nico’s accent thickened as he spoke, softly, though the woods around them were empty. Their hands brushed, and Brianna longed to twine her fingers with Nico’s.

“Home is Switzerland, yeah?” Brianna asked, although she knew the answer.

Nico smiled fondly, his eyes faraway. “Yeah, it’s beautiful there, with the mountains and the lakes. There’s nothing like it over here in the States.”

Brianna did take Nico’s hand in hers now. “I’d like to visit someday,” she said.

It was too bold. She and Nico were barely even dating, and yet she meant it. She wanted to see the place that had shaped Nico. Nico smiled at her and squeezed her hand once before letting it drop. They didn’t talk much more for the rest of the hike, a peaceful silence between them.

“Wish we could stay here forever,” Brianna mused as they approached Nico’s car.

But this late in the year the sun set earlier, and it was getting colder. Brianna shivered, and Nico raised his eyebrows at her. Without a word, he shrugged his jacket off his shoulders and tossed it over his car to Brianna.

“It’s not that cold,” she complained, but she pulled the jacket on before climbing in the car herself.

Nico rolled the windows down before pulling out his parking spot, fresh autumn air whipping through the car as they drove back towards the city.

The seasons were changing, and it all felt like the start of something to Brianna.

Back when we were card sharks, playing games I thought you were leading me on

The Devils were hosting a charity gala. Nico had asked Brianna to be his plus-one.

“It’s ‘black tie optional,’ whatever that means,” Nico told her, peering at his phone. Probably googling exactly what black tie optional meant.

They were sitting on Nico’s couch, Brianna’s feet in Nico’s lap. She nudged the hand holding his phone with her toes. Nico blinked up at her. His hair was messy from the hat he’d been wearing earlier, and Brianna was momentarily distracted by an overwhelming surge of fondness.

“I’ll have to buy a new dress,” she commented, instead of voicing her surprise that Nico had invited her at all. Their relationship was still pretty new. Nico valued his privacy, and Brianna had no problem keeping their relationship to themselves for a while longer. She hadn’t even met his teammates, other than Jack Hughes, that first day in the coffee shop. That barely counted.

Nico wasn’t deterred, oblivious to the beginning of a panicked spiral happening in Brianna’s head. “You can use my card,” he told her.

“That wasn’t my point, Hisch,” Brianna said, but she didn’t know what her point actually was. That, new dress or not, Brianna was never going to fit in? It didn’t matter. Brianna firmly reminded herself that this was a big step for them.

“Please?” Nico asked. “I want you there.”

Brianna sighed. Nico knew she was powerless when he begged like that.

“Fine, but I’m taking you up on using your card,” she told him.

Nico leaned across the couch to kiss her, and, for a moment, she forgot why she was even worried.

Then the night of the gala came, and all those fears came rushing back.

Brianna and Nico arrived together, Brianna in a new gown and on Nico’s arm. She trailed after him as he greeted teammates and mingled with donors. The names and faces all blurred together for Brianna, but Nico looked at ease, comfortable in his pressed suit. Most people didn’t pay Brianna much mind, which was mostly fine. It was on the fourth time that Nico introduced her as simply “my friend,” that she excused herself to find a drink. Jack Hughes, who’d been nearby, followed.

“You’re not old enough to drink,” she commented, leaning on the bar and trying to ignore Jack’s worried face.

“They wouldn’t card me,” he said confidently.

“They wouldn’t need to card you, everyone already knows how old you are,” she reminded him. If he was trying to distract her, it was working. She took a long drink from her glass. Jack gave her a look.

“Slow down, maybe?”

Brianna looked around for Nico. He was deep in conversation with someone she didn’t recognize. He glanced Brianna’s way, but he didn’t seem to see her. She took another drink.

Jack followed her gaze and grimaced. “Look, he’s crazy about you,” he said.

“Why is it that I’m always hearing that from you and not Nico?” Brianna said. “I think you’re the only one here that actually knows that Nico and I are together,” she added, thinking of every teammate she’d been introduced to as a friend, Nico keeping a careful distance between them, a platonic hand on her elbow.

“Nico just likes his privacy,” Jack said, but Brianna could tell the argument sounded weak even to him.

Brianna finished her drink and left the empty glass on the bar. She cast another look towards Nico. He had moved on to another conversation. He didn’t seem to be missing her at all. She forced a smile in Jack’s direction.

“You know what? I’m not sure I’m feeling well,” she said. “I think I’m going to duck out, you’ll tell Nico for me, won’t you?”

Brianna didn’t wait for an answer, just brushed past Jack and headed for the door. She ignored Jack calling her name, but he didn’t chase her. No one else tried to stop her.

Brianna had to call a car to pick her up, and she stood shivering in her gown while she waited. Still, no one followed her. She wondered how long it would be until Nico even noticed she’d left. She was silent on the ride back to Nico’s apartment, where her car and a change of clothes were. She checked her phone a few times on the way. Nothing from Nico.

She felt numb as she left her gown laying across the foot of Nico’s bed. She didn’t know how to feel. She didn’t blame Nico, not really. She couldn’t begin to understand the pressure he was under, the future of a franchise. Of course he wanted to protect what they had.

She just hadn’t expected him to do it like that, or for it to hurt so much when he did.

She climbed into her car and drove. She didn’t have a destination, nowhere to go, just anywhere else. It was late, not many cars on the road except Brianna. Her radio was off, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She expected to cry, almost, but no tears came.

But then you called, showed your hand I turned around before I hit the tunnel

Brianna didn’t know how long she had been driving when her phone rang. Finally? Too soon? She didn’t know what she was going to say when she answered. She fumbled for her phone where she’d tossed it in her passenger seat.

She answered without checking the caller ID. She knew who it was, anyway.

“Hello?”

“Bri?” Nico sounded out of breath, panicked. “Where’d you go? I tried to find you at the gala, but Jack said you went home, but you’re not here, and I-” Nico cut himself off and made a strangled noise that almost sounded like he was choking back a sob. When Brianna didn’t respond, he went on. “Please, I need to know you’re okay. Please. Just- will you come home?”

Home. How strange of him to use that word. There was no “home” for Brianna and Nico. Brianna had thought it was just “not yet,” but maybe it was “not ever.” They lived two separate lives, that much was clear.

“Nico, I don’t know,” Brianna said. “I think I just need a little space.” Brianna turned on her blinker; she was going to need gas soon. She should go back to her own apartment. She turned left, towards Nico’s apartment, without thinking about it. “

No, no, please, I want to talk to you. Bri, please.” Nico’s accent was stronger like this, thick with worry.

Brianna sighed.

“I’m bad at this,” Nico said. He’d said that the second time they’d met. “Please,” he said again, his voice just a whisper now.

Brianna pulled into a parking spot in the garage behind Nico’s building. She threw her car in park, but didn’t make any move to get out. Didn’t say anything, either. She listened to Nico’s shaky breathing on the other end of the line. She could leave again. There was nothing stopping her, Nico didn’t even know she’d made it back to his building. Brianna took a deep breath.

“I’ll be up in five.”

She didn’t hang up, even as she slammed her car door and made the now-familiar trek to Nico’s front door for the third time that night. She almost expected Nico to have the door open when she got there, waiting for her.

“Are you really gonna make me knock?” she asked instead, staring at the closed door.

Nico fumbled something on the other end of the line, and she heard him mumbling German curses before he hung up. A moment later, she heard the lock turn, and the door swung open. Nico stood in the doorway, still in his dress pants, but missing a shirt, his eyes red like—

“Have you been crying?” Brianna blurted.

Nico scrubbed at his face. “I was worried.”

Brianna pushed her way inside and shut the door behind her. She took Nico’s face in her hands, thumbs brushing his still-damp cheekbones. Nico wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Oh, Nics, babe, I’m so sorry,” Brianna murmured.

That got Nico to look at her. “What? No, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I said or did to upset you, but I know that I did something, and I just don’t know how to fix it.”

Brianna dropped her hands and took a step back. Nico looked uncertain.

“You don’t know?”

Nico hesitated. “No?”

Brianna laughed, but her eyes were filling with tears. She furiously brushed them away. It was somehow worse that Nico had been downplaying their relationship without thinking about it. None of it meant anything to him.

“I just- You were with me, then at the bar with Jack, and then you were gone! I thought you’d just gotten overwhelmed, but you weren’t here when I got home.”

That word again. Home. This was Nico’s home, his world, and he didn’t have any room for Brianna in it.

He was still shirtless, but for the first time, Brianna couldn’t stand to look at him.

“Nico,” she said. She met his eyes. “You spent all night introducing me as your friend.” Across from her, Nico went pale. “Is that how you think of me? Just some girl? Do you bring every girl you’ve fucked around to events like that?” Nico flinched at Brianna’s bluntness, but she wasn’t finished. “Do any of your teammates even know you had a girlfriend? Your family?”

She watched Nico register her use of the word “had,” mouthing it slowly to himself before he was rushing over to her.”

“You have to know-”

“No, I don’t! I don’t have to know anything!” Brianna was close to yelling now, no longer carefully controlling her emotions.

“No, no, no, shit, no. I didn’t even think-” He cut himself off. “I didn’t even realize-” Nico stopped again, at a loss for words.

“I should go,” Brianna said finally.

Nico threw himself between Brianna and the door. “Don’t. Please. I’m sorry, and I owe you so much more than that, but right now I can’t fucking think.” He mumbled something to himself under his breath, but Brianna couldn’t catch it. Nico scrubbed his hands across his face again, frustrated this time.

Brianna thought of him opening the door, eyes still red from crying.

“Nico, I think we both need some sleep, babe,” Brianna said gently.

“Stay. Please, please, stay. I can’t- I don’t want to lose you.” Nico took a deep breath. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Brianna didn’t move, didn’t say anything. She couldn’t, frozen in Nico’s entryway. Nico laughed, a humorless sound.

“I didn’t want to scare you off. I think I went too far in the other direction.” He took a step forward, looking desperate. “We were taking it slow, but I’m fucking crazy about you, Brianna.”

“We were taking it slow because I thought that’s what you wanted!” Brianna burst out.

Nico looked startled. He recovered quick enough to say, “Well, I can hardly go around introducing you as the woman I want to marry someday, now, can I?”

He took another step forward, tentatively reaching for Brianna’s hand. She settled her hands on his hips, instead, and pulled him closer, closing the gap between them completely. She laughed in spite of herself.

“Honestly, Hisch, do you really think I would’ve stuck around after that hike if I weren’t completely head over heels for you, too?” she asked.

“That hike wasn’t even that bad!” Nico protested, already leaning down to kiss Brianna slow and deep. He pulled away to catch his breath after a long minute, resting his forehead against Brianna’s. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Brianna pretended to think. Nico dug his fingers into her sides. “I guess I can forgive you,” she said, squirming away from Nico with a breathless giggle.

Later, tangled up on his couch, Nico spoke again.

“Y’know, I don’t really bring anyone around to events,” he said. “Ever.” His gaze on Brianna was intense, like he still needed her to understand that she was important to him.

“I know, Nico, I know,” she murmured.

“The guys have been giving me shit for weeks because they hadn’t met you yet,” he added.

Brianna laughed. “Even Jack?”

One day, she’d probably have to thank Jack for making sure she and Nico met. Maybe.

Nico laughed, too. “No, he’s just smug as hell that he met you first.”

Years ago, we were just inside Barefoot in the kitchen Sacred new beginnings

The seasons changed, then again, and again. Spring came, and hockey season ended. Nico went home to Switzerland for the long summer, but he came back to Jersey, back to Brianna, in the end.

“Missed me?” he had teased. Brianna was too busy trying to get his shirt off to reply.

The Devils named Nico captain. He spent the season injured, and it ended with more disappointments than victories.

“I’m so proud of you,” Brianna told him, curled up beneath a mountain of blankets in bed after he’d cleaned out his locker.

Nico moved out of his apartment in the city, and Brianna moved into a house with him in the suburbs. It took very little convincing on Brianna’s part for them to get a puppy, “to keep me company while you’re away on roadies.” Nico made her promise that he at least got to pick the puppy’s name. (He ended up losing that argument, too.)

Nico was driving home from an afternoon game when Brianna noticed that they were not, in fact, headed towards home.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked.

Nico didn’t take his eyes off the road. “You don’t know where we are?”

Brianna took a moment to peer out the window. The streets did seem familiar in the twilight, but then, so did most of Newark, in the abstract way that came from living there for years. But- “Is that your old building?”

Nico pulled into an empty spot on the street. He stared out the windshield at the high-rise in front of them.

“How many years has it been?” he asked.

Brianna knew he knew the answer, but she told him anyway. “Four years.” Their anniversary—of the first date, not the time he’d ghosted her after meeting her—had been the week before.

“Lots of firsts in that apartment,” he mused. Brianna squinted at him, trying to follow his train of thought.

“First fight,” she teased. Once she’d thought that night would be their breaking point, but it turned out to be just the beginning.

Nico grinned at that. “First time,” he said back. He gave himself away by blushing.

Brianna reached across the car to take Nico’s hand, and he let her. “Lots more firsts ahead of us,” she said. Nico smiled at her, eyes soft. “First kid, first Cup…”

Nico smacked a hand over Brianna’s mouth. “Shh!” he said. He didn’t move his hand. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“About which part?” Brianna had to shove his hand off to speak.

Nico gave Brianna a look. “Yes.”

“All I’m saying is that there could be rings in both of our futures,” she said. She’d been teasing Nico about wanting a ring more and more, but it was just teasing. She knew there wasn’t any rush. Mostly.

“I could leave you here and make you walk home,” Nico threatened, already pulling away from the curb.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Besides, Brianna could easily get any other Devils player to pick her up. Nico was their captain, but Brianna was their favorite.

Stopped at a red light, Nico leaned across the console to kiss Brianna’s cheek.

“Of course I wouldn’t, I’ve still got to give you that ring.”

#cait writes things #nico hischier imagine #nico hischier fic #new jersey devils fic #new jersey devils imagine #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #hockey fic #hockey imagine

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tommykinrd · 9 months

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✨ + #april writes for the 2k followers thingy 💗 also congrats!!! so happy for you!!!

ahhh thank you april!! i absolutely adore your writing idk how i'm supposed to just pick a handful of them <3

in no particular order, these are just the first ones that come to mind:

i'll heal eventually (but faster if you're next to me) i've seen snippets of this and it sounds so cute!! gym teacher buck getting injured and nurse eddie?!? sign me up! i can't wait to read this one

we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) also on my list to read!! if you can't tell by now, i'm a sucker for aus and this sounds so fun

he never thinks of me (except when i'm on tv) I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH HELLO?!? again, obsessed with the au premise of childhood friends buddie and famous buck. the multimedia aspect is also so fun and I love it so much

plus two of your poems + edits that i absolutely love:

a poem about pining —by eddie diaz this is such a perfect poem and i love the annotations!!

—reaching hands, by me first of all this is DEVASTATING and on top of that this edit is gorgeousss, i love that you used that shot/still(?) from 4x14

join my 2k celebration!

#answered #heartbeatdiaz #abi's 2k celebration

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daffi-990 · 10 months

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Tag 9 People You Want to Get to Know Better

Tagged by the lovely @thewolvesof1998

Favourite colour: Forest Green

Currently reading: just finished the fic we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) and also just finished the book A Far Wilder Magic by Allison Shaft

Last song: The Last Time by Taylor Swift

Last series: 9-1-1 (currently on a rewatch with my husband)

Last Movie: Elemental … I think 😅.

Now tagging 9 ppl 🤷🏻‍♀️…

@buckleydiaz @bucksketch @cowboy-buddie @like-the-rest-of-la @missfanaccount @maddiebuckleygf @prince-buck-diaz @rewritetheending

#get to know me

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chenfordsource · 2 years

Photo

Happy March! It’s time for our monthly Bingo update post. As always, these fics and all past/future fills can be found anytime in our AO3 collection or on our Tumblr masterlist.

All of the February fills and updates can be found below the cut - happy reading!

ain't it funny, how you said you were friends? (now it sure as hell don't look like it) by @another-mikaelson One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Falling Asleep on Them

all of this silence and patience (pining and desperately waiting) by @another-mikaelson One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Mid-Wilshire Parking Garage

in the middle of the night in my dreams (you should see the things we do, baby) by @another-mikaelson One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Morning Run

we were a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) by @another-mikaelson One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Pen Pals

you’re giving me chills at a hundred degrees by @another-mikaelson One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Winning by Distraction

you’re gonna miss me when i’m gone by @another-mikaelson One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Almost Kiss

Miss Mid-Wilshire by @dazzlingsuns Multi Chapter, Rated G, Square Fill: Formal Wear

Chemistry by fuzzy_wuzzy_wuzza_writer Multi Chapter, Rated E, Square Fills: Love at First Sight, Enemy of My Enemy, Kitchen Sex

Disorderly* by fuzzy_wuzzy_wuzza_writer Multi Chapter, Rated E, Square Fill: Chair Sex

Looped by fuzzy_wuzzy_wuzza_writer Work in Progress, Rated M, Square Fill: Time Loop

Making It Better by fuzzy_wuzzy_wuzza_writer One Shot, Rated M, Square Fill: Shoulder Kiss

‘Tis The Damn Season by ghostfox11 / @lupin72 Work in Progress, Rated T, Square Fill: Old Flame AU

Man of Honor by @ioascc Work in Progress, Rated M, Square Fill: ”Not A Date” Date

navy blue wool* by @ioascc Multi Chapter, Rated E, Square Fills: Sexting, Mix-Up, Almost Kiss, Accidental Love Confession, Canon Divergence, Office Sex

Fakin’ me out by limey5 One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Bed Sharing

I won’t look back (ain’t got no regrets) by limey5 One Shot, Rated M, Square Fill: Bed Sharing

Kissed by the Sun by limey5 One Shot, Rated E, Square Fill: Vacation

This Ain’t My Day Tonight by limey5 One Shot, Rated G, Square Fill: Yoga Class

tides that i tried to swim against by MaddieandChimney / @veryprecisehans One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Feelings Accidentally Revealed

bed sharing by sagendipity / @sagevs911 One Shot, Rated G, Square Fill: Bed Sharing

Love Match by that_1_incident / @sellingsecrets One Shot, Rated G, Square Fill: Protective

Perfect Match by that_1_incident / @sellingsecrets One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Sports Star AU

Maybe I’m Crazy To Suppose by @theawkwardanglophile One Shot, Rated T, Square Fill: Bradford’s House

Can’t Help Falling by @westwingwolf One Shot, Rated E, Square Fill: Marriage Pact

Had The Time Of My Life Fighting Dragons With You by @westwingwolf One Shot, Rated G, Square Fill: Knights and Dragons

Help Me, Tear Down My Reason by @westwingwolf One Shot, Rated E, Square Fill: Office Sex

Vatsyayana’s Toy Chest by @westwingwolf One Shot, Rated E, Square Fill: Kama Sutra

PREV WIPS, NOW COMPLETE:

Like Dumb Teenagers by @magnoliamica

#the rookie #therookieedit #chenford #chenfordedit #chenford fanfic #chenfordbingo #chenfordbingo21 #admin

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scapegrace74-blog · 3 years

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New Ways of Turning into Stone, Chapter 5

A/N Sorry for the long break between chapters. As some of you might have seen from my Tumblr blog, I’ve been off on vacation these past two weeks. Plus, when I felt the urge to write, it was my new Vaquero AU that kept calling to me (21,000 words and counting!), rather than this fic. Which is probably a good argument for why I don’t like to post WIPs. In any event, here is the next chapter some of you have been asking for, entitled Third Appointment. Be careful what you wish for. Angst ahead, plus a trigger warning for infertility trauma, miscarriage.

The first four chapters are available on my AO3 page.

The Thursday after her impromptu encounter with Jamie and his niece at the Royal Hospital for Children, Claire woke with a strange twisting pain in her gut. Skipping breakfast, she was halfway to her office before she diagnosed herself with an acute case of nerves, the kind that sprouted between her lungs and ribcage like a vestigial organ whose sole purpose was to unsettle her.

She wasn’t in the habit of meeting patients outside of the clinical confines of her practice, but it was more than that. Jamie had caught her in a moment of weakness, with both her personal and professional armour missing. What he might have seen and how he could have interpreted it had occupied her thoughts ever since.

Eating lunch was out of the question. By the time two o’clock approached, her insides were a buzzing hornets’ nest of anxiety, her palms clammy with sweat. A half-empty bottle of Xanax called to her from the bottom of her purse. Before she could weigh the implications of taking one at work on an empty stomach, Jamie’s familiar knock intervened.

She could tell as soon as he entered that Maggie hadn’t needed a transfusion that week. His russet curls shone like garnets in the midday sun and his uncanny eyes glittered like sapphires. Still, he avoided looking directly her way as he settled into his usual chair, and she wondered if the overlap of their personal and professional lives had left him feeling unnerved as well.

“No wheat grass smoothie,” he commented, his gaze running over her desk.

“No, I didn’t have time for lunch today.” It was a blatant falsehood, since she’d spent her lunch hour picking her cuticles until they bled, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Ye should eat more, Sassen..., Doctor Beauchamp. Ye canna help anyone else if ye’re no’ properly nourished.” She caught the slip, and for some reason it angered her.

“Is this your attempt to negotiate a reduction in your fees, Jamie? Dietary advice in return for counselling? Because if so, I’m afraid I don’t bill on the barter system,” she snapped, despising her churlish tone.

Jamie’s eyes narrowed, then dimmed. Message received, he sat up straighter in the armchair and crossed a foot over his knee, assuming a position of poised and detached calm that had no doubt served him well during business negotiations. She regrouped by pretending to glance at her journal for the notes from their previous session, although the space next to his name was accusingly blank.

Boundaries thus defined, the session went surprising well. Jamie spoke of his relief that Maggie’s latest round of chemotherapy was over, allowing her to return home and to some semblance of a regular life for a child of six. Claire coaxed him gently towards the topic of his overwhelming guilt for abandoning his family when he was most needed. Jamie processed pain through the recounting of stories, coming to terms with his self-decreed transgression by weaving together the tale of those he loved and pointing to the holes his absence had caused.

As his resonant voice spun its web of words, Claire became aware of an underlying hum. At first it was subtle, like the mumble of traffic from a far-off motorway. But as their hour together ticked by, it grew in strength until she could no longer ignore the buzz that pressed against her from all directions.

“... saw that it was really Jenny and Ian who I was... Claire? Doctor Beauchamp, are ye well?” Jamie was watching her with concern, and she realized she’d been shaking her head, trying to dislodge the omnipresent hum.

“Yes, I’m... yes. Sorry. Just a funny noise that’s... Please, continue.” When Jamie didn’t immediately pick up the thread of his narrative, she tried again. “You were saying something about Jenny and Ian?”

Instead of continuing his previous thought, Jamie picked that moment to broach the topic she’d desperately hoped he would avoid.

“I hope ye’re no’ upset about the other day, at the hospital. I didna mean tae impose or tae... o’erstep the bounds of our relationship. No’ that we have a relationship, mind,” he hastened to add. “Only a professional one. But when I saw ye, I couldna resist introducing ye tae wee Maggie. I hadna told ye about her yet, and I thought...”

“Jamie, it’s fine,” she cut in, halting his rambling explanation. “She’s a lovely girl. They all are. It’s only that, I’m sort of...”

“Ye’re verra good with them. Children, that is. Ye’ll make a fine mother one day.”

All the oxygen left the room at once. Her heart beat so hard there was a bruised feeling behind her sternum. Launching to her feet, Claire stumbled blindly away from her desk. She wanted to run, to scream, but her vision was a narrow chasm and a now-deafening throb filled her ears. She only made it a few steps before her knees buckled and the carpet floated upwards to meet her.

“Ifrinn!” Jamie leapt to her side, catching her by the shoulders before her head could hit the floor. He lowered them both carefully to the ground, resting her body against his lap. “Sassenach? Claire? Can ye hear me? Do I need tae call an ambulance?” The words reached her from very far away, but the threat of medical intervention acted like a dose of smelling salts.

“No,” she groaned, the room spinning around her like a kaleidoscope. “No hospital. I just... need to eat,” she grasped at the most innocuous explanation for her current state.

Without dislodging her, Jamie stretched his long arm and brought back the small basket of miniature muffins that were the day’s offering from Geillis. With surprising dexterity, he peeled away the paper one-handed and broke apart a bite-sized morsel, holding it gently against her lips. Realizing that her dignity couldn’t get any more battered, Claire opened her mouth and allowed Jamie to feed her. After only a few bites, the buzzing disappeared and she was able to sit up on her own.

“Thank you,” she murmured, afraid to look into his eyes for fear of the pity she knew she’d see there. “You were right. I should have eaten lunch, I guess.”

“Claire.” Jamie made a prose poem of the single syllable of her name. She looked up at him through her lashes, stunned to find him looking back, not with pity, but with something akin to adoration. “Mo nighean donn,” he ran a tender hand through her loosened curls. “Ye need tae care more for yerself.”

“I will. I’ll try.” And when she said it to him, she really meant it. Jamie made the impossible seem probable.

They stared at one another, shoulder to shoulder on the floor of her office. She couldn’t think of anything else to say, but nor did she move. Her gaze flitted over his face, noticing a vestige of boyish freckles across the bridge of his nose, a mole hidden in the harvest stubble on his cheek. Jamie was performing a parallel inventory, eyes finally coming to rest at the level of her mouth.

“Ye’ve got a wee crumb, jus’ there.” Unconscious, her tongue swept out, triggering a predatory response, twin blue laser beams narrowing on the target she had just painted on her lower lip.

“I... I’d verra much like tae kiss ye, Claire. May I?”

An amputated moan was all she could manage in response, but Jamie must have understood its meaning. He bent his head until only a whisper separated them. The air crackled, sending that extra organ plummeting towards her hollow womb. Clenching her eyes shut in defeat, she closed the infinitesimal gap until they met in an effervescent caress of lip and tongue.

Cold washed over her skin, bathing her in gooseflesh. Jamie tasted like he looked; a banquet of fresh, volatile flavours that called to mind a picnic in a meadow, a spray of sea foam, the warmth of hearth and home. She could feel him trembling against her, his moist breath rushing against her cheek in shallow pants. For a score of heartbeats, Claire was the happiest she had ever been. Then, reality crashed down around her.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered, pulling away. “I... this can’t... I’m sorry.”

Jamie leaned back with a mixture of longing and resignation. She hated adding herself to his list of regrets, but it was for the best.

“I’m your doctor, Jamie. This isn’t right.”

“Aye, I ken. I should apologize, but I canna seem tae find it in me tae repent.”

Jamie stood, reaching down to help Claire up as well. As soon as it was apparent she was able to stand on her own, he dropped her hand as though it burned. The line between his brows deepened, and she could see the question forming before he gave it voice.

“What if ye werena my doctor? Would it be right then?”

“That’s neither here nor there, because I am, Jamie. A relationship between patient and doctor of a romantic nature is ethically off-limits.”

Jamie nodded, apparently accepting her explanation at face value. Her heartbeat calmed. He moved slowly, gathering his coat and starting to leave.

“But what if ye weren’t?” he said, facing the door. “If we’d met at the hospital, or out on the town?”

“I...” she stammered, searching desperately for any answer except for the truth. “No, Jamie,” she said at last, watching as she destroyed his last bastion of hope. “I’m sorry. I just don’t feel that way about you.”

Nodding abruptly, Jamie let himself out of the office. She listened to his low murmuring voice through the door as he spoke to Geillis, heard him make an appointment for the following week, then the loud snap of the main door closing. Only then did she allow herself to collapse once more to the floor, angry sobs overtaking her.

***

“Are ye out of yer fuckin’ mind?” Geillis inquired with her usual brutal eloquence.

With the help of a Xanax, Claire had managed to see her last two patients of the day, and only needed to navigate the shoals of her office manager’s ire before she could go home and fully medicate herself into a dreamless sleep.

“Jes so we’re clear, ye want me tae write a letter terminating your services as a doctor an’ suggesting suitable alternative providers? An’ ye want me tae send this letter, over email, tae Jamie Fraser?”

“That’s right.” She had determined that icy calm was the best antidote to this conversation, which was fortuitous, since she felt numb all over.

“An’ what reason am I tae give fer this abrupt conclusion tae yer association wi’ Mr. Fraser?”

“I don’t owe him an explanation. Only sufficient notice and an opportunity to seek counselling elsewhere,” she said, feigning reasonableness.

Pushed past her limits, Geillis rose from behind her desk, a tiny tempest of moral indignation.

“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, ye are a good friend, a fine doctor an’ a fair employer. But I swear by the Almighty that if ye dinna drop the façade and tell me wha’ is going on I am going tae smack ye until yer ears ring!”

There was a certain relief in knowing that Geillis wouldn’t take no for an answer. And unlike Jamie, she knew where Claire lived and would not let her rest until the truth came out.

“He kissed me. Or rather, I kissed him. And I liked it! That’s why, Geillis.”

Her friend’s shoulders sagged, all righteousness gone in an instant. She reached around Claire’s frame and held her in a bone-crushing one-sided hug.

“Och, hen. An’ ye figured ye could deal wi’ those pesky feelings by jes, what? firing him as yer patient?”

“I can’t deal with this right now, Geillis. I can’t feel the way he makes me feel. And this practice is all that I have left. There’s no way I can risk losing it just for an affair that won’t even last the summer.”

She didn’t need to elaborate on her reasons for that dire prediction. Geillis knew them as well as anyone.

“He’s an intelligent man, Claire. He’s gonna ken something is up. Moreover, he’s a good man. He deserves tae hear the truth.”

Shaking her head sadly, Claire walked towards the door. Just before exiting, she called back softly to her friend.

“Geillis? Make sure to include Dr. Rafferty’s name on the list of referrals. I think they’d be a good match.

***

Monday morning dawned with little promise for the fledgling week. Moving robotically through her weekend routine, Claire thought frequently of chickens. How their bodies kept moving once their heads were lopped off, nerves and muscle and bone continuing to function for a time despite the fatal blow.

The elevator chimed its arrival on her floor. As the doors slide open, Jamie was the first thing she saw. He loomed by her still-locked office, a sun-topped thundercloud gripping a sheet of printer paper.

She’d worn her best black suit and a pair of chunky heels that brought her closer to his height. Perhaps, on some subconscious level, she’d anticipated this confrontation. Perversely, she relished it. Vitriol and deceit didn’t suit her, but it was preferable to feeling absolutely nothing.

“Do ye mind tellin’ me,” Jamie began before she’d even set foot in the hallway, “jus’ what this is about, Claire?” He brandished the paper like a wanted poster.

“I would think it was self-explanatory, actually. I’m terminating our professional relationship,” she huffed, golden eyes coming to life for the first time since Thursday.

“Via email. Sent tae me by Miss Duncan, because ye dinna have the guts tae do it yerself. Christ, Sassenach, even my ninth grade sweetheart didna dump me so cruelly!”

“I’m not your sweetheart!” she burst out, a flood of emotion cresting with her rising anger. “Don’t call me that! I was your doctor, Jamie, and now I’m nothing to you. Nothing. Just go. Please. Just go,” she finished weakly and without any hope that he’d listen.

“All this jus’ because I kissed you?” Jamie persevered. At her stubborn silence, he continued, “Nah, I dinna think so. Ye’re many things, Claire, but a coward isna one of them.”

She found this hysterically funny, since a coward was the only role she played to perfection. She didn’t have time to laugh, however, because Jamie was suddenly standing much closer, forcing her to lift her chin to meet his stormy eyes.

“Nah,” he continued smoothly, a big cat alerted to the smell of its prey. “If ye’d objected tae the kiss, ye would have told me so. Read me the riot act or kneed me in the bawls. I think ye’re scared, Doctor Beauchamp. I think that kiss terrified ye, because ye realized ye liked it. Somethin’ ye couldna plan for in yer wee journal, right there under yer nose. Bet it made yer heart beat so fast. So fast, jus’ like it is now.”

Jamie’s hand rested gently over the placket of her suit jacket, where he could surely feel the trip hammering of her pulse.

“Please,” she begged. “Don’t. I can’t...”

“Can’t what, Sassenach?” he whispered back, goading her.

The truth hung on her lips, and the toll of the past few days meant that she no longer had the strength to stop it from spilling forth.

“Can’t have children. Ever. I tried, for years. Fourteen miscarriages, fourteen lost chances. And seeing you with those children last week. I know it’s presumptive, but I could never deny you that chance, Jamie. That’s why I can’t see you anymore.”

She was looking down, watching the buttons of his shirt rise and fall with his agitated breath, but as she finished speaking, their movement ceased. Chancing a glance upward, she was stunned by the fury that had overtaken his expression.

Jamie opened and closed his mouth several times before he managed to speak in a gritty growl.

“Mutation of the RUNX1 gene tha’ causes leukemia. I was tested, along wi’ Jenny an’ Ian, after Maggie was diagnosed. I have a fifty percent chance of passing it along tae my children. An’ since I canna stand the thought of ano’er bairn havin’ tae suffer as Maggie has, as soon as I got the test results, I went out an’ had a vasectomy.”

Claire recoiled as though she’d been slapped, a high pitched whine in her ears.

“Ye’re no’ the only one who’s hurting, Claire!” Jamie continued, voice dashing against the rocks of her name. “We’re no’ meant tae suffer alone. Ye, of all people, should ken that.”

Stunned in the silence following the thunderclap of his revelation, she couldn’t find the words to express her sorrow, her outrage, and her crippling shame. By the time the power of speech returned, Jamie was gone.

#my writing #outlander

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durmstrange · 4 years

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To You - Remus Lupin

Hello and welcome to another Remus fic! This is a Remus x Hufflepuff!Reader. Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1,998

There had been slight suspicions in the back of your mind for well over a year now that Remus was keeping a secret from you, one you were dying to know. You would never pressure him to tell you, regardless of how bad you wanted to know, but you couldn’t help but to want to ask him outright what his deal was and why he thought he could hide it from you of all people.

Remus had become a quick friend of yours early on in your schooling. You shared an interest in what was right, in education, and more specifically, in charms lessons. Over the first few years, he introduced you to his friends in Gryffindor, and you introduced your own, who continually questioned how someone as shy as you were able to get in with the infamously popular group. Regardless, Remus had become your closest friend and grown with you by his side. In time, you shamefully began developing feelings for your closest friend, and as you struggled to show it, or hint at it, even, it became more and more difficult to ignore it when he was avoiding you.

One particular Saturday during your fifth year, you packed up your belongings in your common room, hoping to catch Remus before you had to run out for your Astronomy lessons. You ran up the stairs towards the Great Hall, your too-long black and yellow cloak constantly catching around your ankles as you rushed along. The moment you made it into the Great Hall, your heart sunk when you spotted James, Peter, and Sirius sitting together without Remus. With the ghost of a frown on your lips, you turned from the Great Hall and began walking slowly towards the Astronomy Tower with your head down.

For the last week or so, Remus had been avoiding you at all costs, to the point of even leaving the room when you enter. Since the start of term in September, after coming back from summer holiday, Remus felt distant to you, something foreign to you and you hated it more than anything.

“(Y/N)!” You heard a voice call as you made it up the first few flights of stairs. You turned, a solemn look on your face as Sirius raced up the stairs. “I assume you were looking for Moony, yeah?” He asked as he caught up, putting his hands into his pockets with a smirk on his lips. The nickname loomed in your mind, one you never used for Remus, but his friends did.

Your cheeks reddened and you ducked your head slightly. “Yeah, I was. I haven’t caught up to him in a couple days, so I was hoping to see him,” you explained airily to the haughty boy who became an odd friend of yours.

Sirius hummed as he leaned against the wall of the corridor, looking effortlessly cool. “Well, I happen to know where he is, if you’d like to know?”

For a moment, you considered asking him. However, doubt filled your mind and your eyes stung as tears developed in your eyes. “No, that’s fine. If he wants to avoid me, I’ll let him. I’ll stop trying to track him down, seeing at there is nothing I can do,” you answered quietly as you looked away from Sirius and began up the stairs once more, leaving him in his spot.

Sirius frowned at you as you walked away, watching your head hand and your shoulders sag forward in disappointment. He crossed his own arms over his chest as he made his way back down the stairs, towards the Hospital Wing.

Sirius flung the door open, making Madam Pomfrey look up from her desk in the back of the room, an annoyed look on her face. “Hello, Poppy, darling,” Sirius announced once he saw the room was empty.

Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes at the student. “For the last time, Mr. Black, you will refer to me as ‘Madam Pomfrey’.”

With an absentminded hum, Sirius made his way towards the room adjacent to her desk. “Is he in there?”

“Yes, he is. He should be resting, Mr. Black,” Madam Pomfrey scolded, but made no effort to stop Sirius as he opened the door and strolled right into the small room with a cot against the wall.

Remus’ eyes fluttered open at the light coming into the roof, and squinted as Sirius used his wand to light a lamp in the center of the room. “Rise and shine, Moony,” Sirius announced as he opened the curtains around the room, allowing the setting sun to come in.

Remus sat up on one elbow, his hair disheveled and a tired look on his face. There was a fresh cut down the side of his face, near his hairline. “Sirius, what do you want?” He questioned in a biting tone.

Sirius pulled up the only chair in the room next to the cot and crossed one leg over the other. “Well, you see, you are about to make irrevocable damage to your relationship with (Y/N), and knowing how much you absolutely fancy her, I simply cannot let that happen. Man up, now, tell her your dirty little secret, and kiss her already,” Sirius explained as he twirled his wand around his fingers, a bored look on his face.

Remus fell back on the cot and groaned as he took the pillow, using it to cover his face. “You know I can’t,” Remus muttered into the pillow before moving it behind his head once more. “(Y/N) will never want to speak to me again, and that is if she doesn’t tell the entire school of my condition.” Remus stared up at the high ceiling with an annoyed look on his face.

With another hum, Sirius took the pillow from beneath Remus’ head and tossed it across the room as Remus’ head fell back, making him grunt. “Would it change your mind to know that she was in tears when talking to me earlier because of the fact you’re avoiding her?”

“No.”

Sirius scoffed. “Selfish git,” he muttered and put both feet on the floor once more and leaned over Remus. “For the record, I think you’re hurting her more by avoiding her than it will to just tell her the truth. I think nothing could change your opinion of you.” Sirius stood, walking towards the door once more.

Remus watched his friend, a stubborn look on his face and narrowed eyes. As Sirius was stepping through the door, Remus spoke again. “Was she really crying?” Remus asked sadly, sitting up and wincing as he covered his side with his hand.

“She’s gutted,” Sirius confirmed over his shoulder. “Shows what kind of friend you are, treating her like this. Perhaps I’ll ask her on a date then, to get her spirits up and all,” Sirius pondered as he faced away from Remus, a smirk on his lips.

“You wouldn’t,” Remus muttered and swung his legs over the side of the bed, standing his full height and revealing the bruising down his side. “Where is she?” Remus asked as he carefully pulled a long sleeved shirt over his head.

Sirius smirked, leaning on the door pane. “Was heading up to Astronomy lessons only a moment ago. I suppose she will be done in an hour or two. Better hope you get to her before I do,” he said haughtily before kicking off the door and through the Hospital Wing. “Au revoir, Poppy,” Sirius called as Remus listened to the heavy doors close.

~.~

Exactly two hours later, Remus leaned against the corridor wall across from the ladder that lead to the Astronomy Tower. His side still ached, but Madam Pomfrey was able to heal the scarring down his face quite well, to the point where it was only a thin, white line. His eyes remained low as he waited patiently for you to descend from class.

After a few moments, Remus heard the latch of the trap door open and quickly, one by one, students climbed down the ladder quickly, waiting in the bottom for their friends. He watched as you climbed down carefully, your eyes remaining on your feet until you got to the bottom. You turned without even spotting Remus and began your walk back to the basements, to your common room.

“(Y/N),” he called then, causing you to turn in surprise. Upon seeing Remus, your faint smile faltered and you looked down to the floor, trying to avoid eye contact with him. He stepped forward, his hands in his pockets as he muffled the flinch he felt coming from the pain in his side. “Can we talk?” His question came out more awkward than he intended and he ducked his head as well.

You shifted gently, checking you watch. “I’ve got to be getting back before curfew,” you answered gently, but Remus could see right through you.

With a gentle roll of his eyes, he held his hand out to you. “You know I’m a prefect,” he reminded you with a laugh and smiled faintly. “Come on, just a moment.”

Hesitantly, you placed your hand in his and allowed him to lead you away from the rest of the students, towards the Gryffindor Tower. “I shouldn’t have been avoiding you,” Remus finally admitted as he slowed to a stop in an empty corridor and leaned against one of the stone columns against the wall.

As you stood in front of him, holding your book in one arm and running your fingers along the pages, you shrugged. “That’s your choice,” you murmured sadly in response and glanced down.

Remus pressed his lips together. “(Y/N), please know that I was only doing so to protect you,” Remus explained in an exasperated voice. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Frustration built in your mind and you shook your head at Remus. “I don’t understand that you could possibly think you are protecting me from, when you’re only hurting me more by avoiding me. How could you be so daft to think some silly secret of yours would push me away from you? Have you not noticed how much you mean to me?” you snapped at him as you crossed your arms over your book.

For a moment, both you and Remus remained quite as you fumed at him and his face remained blank. Remus finally sighed heavily and looked away, glancing up and down the corridor they were in. “(Y/N), I was bitten by a lycanthrope when I was a child,” he finally admitted quietly and in a sad voice as he searched your face for any sort of reaction.

“So, you’re a werewolf? That’s what you’ve been hiding from me?” Remus nodded then, waiting your face an awaiting your reaction. “And you thought that was enough for me to hate you? Bloody hell, Remus, the reason I hate you at the moment is for thinking so little of me!” Remus’ face fell for a moment, taking in her words, before a small smile formed on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but you held your hand up, stopping him. “Perhaps you’ve yet to notice how much I fancy you, Remus. Literally anything you can tell me is so little compared to how much I fancy you.”

Remus held a smile on his lips that was blissful and kind and he ducked his head gently, shaking it a bit. “You’re unbelievable, you know?” He reached his hand to you, hoping you’d take it.

A slight pout remained on your face as you hesitated a moment, but put your hand in his and allowed Remus to pull you forward, into his arms. Remus held you in silence, pressing his lips to the top of your head every so often. “I promise I’ll never be so foolish again,” Remus murmured into your hair, a faint smirk playing on his lips.

You hummed, leaning up to look at him. “We’ll see about that, Remus.”

durmstrange’s Taglist: @starlightweasley @theweasleysredhair @whiz-bangs78 @hufflepuffgirly @tonksichu @toomanybandstocare @mentally-in-northern-italy @alwaysasadaesthetic @through-the-little-door @clandestinecherry

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loserdiaz · 10 months

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seven-ish sentences sunday! 📜🎥

tagged by @prince-buck-diaz @spotsandsocks @hippolotamus @panbuckley @wildlife4life <33

here's more from author!buck and actor!eddie au, plus another moodboard bc i cannot stop.

(also, if you wanna be tagged on this fic once i post, interact with this post)

"Can you read for Gabriel in Scene 23, where he's talking to officer Blake Scatorccio?" Chimney says, looking up from his notes. "Buck will read opposite to you."

"Yeah, okay." Eddie swallows thickly. In the first books, Gabriel and Blake only have a few scenes, but in the second book their relationship grows stronger.

Some fans even think the author might be building up to a romantic relationship, claiming it's a slow burn. Eddie isn't sure and he hasn't asked Buck, but just the idea of doing this scene with him makes his nerves set on fire.

He'll be acting out Buck's words, words the man took time and effort and that he created oh so carefully, so masterfully. Eddie will be telling them to him, looking him in the eye and thinking— what exactly?

"Eddie? Are you ready?" Buck raises an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, Ready."

Buck clears his throat and starts the scene.

"Gabe? What are you doing here?"

"I'm dropping all of the evidence I gathered with Pipe in these last few months." He sighs, feeling as defeated as Gabriel does in the scene. "I just— I can't do it anymore."

Buck frowns at him, just like he pictures Blake would be doing in the book. "What? You're just gonna give up?"

"I can't keep going like this! Chasing after some psycho, being haunted by my wife's ghost. I—" Eddie runs a hand through his hair and pulls back. "I need to think of my son, okay? I can't keep doing your job for you, Officer Scatorccio." He sneers. He evokes every feeling of grief and frustration he felt when Shannon first left him with no warning, except for a note. He brings up every feeling of insecurity and of not being good enough to the surface, every feeling of rage and fury that's been simmering under the surface for longer than Eddie is willing to admit, and he pours them all into Gabriel's character.

In the book and in the script, Blake gets impossibly closer to Gabriel, grabbing him by the arm and stopping him from walking away. In real life, Buck remains seated a few feet away from him.

Eddie tries not to be disappointed. This is an audition after all and Buck is just reading the lines to move Eddie through the scene, that's how it goes. It's just business.

"My hands are tied and you know it. The whole police department can't go after just one person, Gabe. You know that. We have too many cases and—"

Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie can see Chimney. The director held in a rare thrall, the tip of his glasses inserted between his full, dreamy lips, that ankle crossed over the opposite knee, jiggling, jiggling. He looks impressed, Eddie thinks. Maybe.

"And what?"

"I think you're close. I think you are stronger and smarter than any one of us— You're extraordinary, Gabriel Alvarez and I am in awe of you every single day. You can't just give up." Buck gazes up at him, a smile gracing his lips, a small and barely there thing that doesn't really match the scene but Eddie can't bring himself to mind.

"You are too good with words, Officer Scatorccio. But I don't know if I can trust them." Eddie looks down at the script, and then back up at Buck. "I don't know if I can trust you."

"Gabe, I—" And that's the end of the scene. Blake's partner interrupts them, claiming they need to go and Gabriel is left alone at the station. Confused and hopeless.

Eddie takes a deep breath, telling himself it's over and he gave the scene the best he had. And he thinks he did pretty well— He thinks he did amazing, losing himself in the scene and in Buck's eyes, and hope sizzles under his skin, strong and powerful.

"That was amazing, Eddie. You really seem to get the character." Chimney smiles at him, forcing him to look away from Buck. "It's really a beautiful thing to see."

"Thanks." Eddie fidgets with the script. He knows they won't make a decision right then and there, and certainly not in front of him, but something keeps him frozen in place.

His feet refuse to walk away.

Hope inside of him moves and weaves through his system like a hurricane, not wanting to leave.

"You really do understand Gabriel, Eddie." Buck speaks. "That was— Well, I guess Blake Scatorccio said it. Extraordinary." Buck says softly, maybe too soft for what the moment calls. "Thank you."

Thank God it's dark in the rear of the studio. No one can see the tomato-colored tidal wave surging up Eddie's neck.

"Again, thanks so much for the opportunity." Eddie says, feeling his lips dry up. "I, uh— Yeah. Thanks." He awkwardly waves and turns away, hope trailing behind him like a neon sign showing how much he needs, how much he wants this. He wonders if they can see it. He wonders if they care.

He thinks Buck might.

tagging (no pressure): @monsterrae1 @alyxmastershipper @buddierights @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @bucktalias @maygrantgf @messyhairdiaz @ebdaydreamer @bekkachaos @cowboy-buddie @911onabc @shortsighted-owl @the-likesofus @elvensorceress @transbuck @transboybuckley @buckitup @prettyboybuckley @starlingbite

#seven sentence sunday #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #buddie #buddie fic #buddie wip #author buck actor eddie au #911 fic #911 wip #my wips #911 abc #911 on abc #my writing #fic: we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go)

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thewolvesof1998 · 10 months

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Tag 9 People You Want to Get to Know Better

thanks for the tag @wildlife4life

favorite color: Burnt Orange or Green

currently reading: Lots and Lots of fics but here are some that I'm reading or just finished: this is why you shouldn't piss in the ocean by forthewolves ,we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) by heartbeatdiaz and inertia by renecdote as for Books well I’ve been in a reading slump since March 😭

last song: Call your mum by Noah Kahan

last series: 9-1-1, The Bear

last movie: Nimona

currently working on: Alright, Cowboy, Go Get 'Em aka ‘Buddie Rodeo/Bull Riding AU’

Tagging: @alyxmastershipper @heartbeatdiaz @jesuisici33 @prince-buck-diaz @hannah-ruth-990 @mrevanbuckley @malewife-buck @sammy-souffle @wikiangela

#tag games #get to know me

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thesassenachswiftie · 4 years

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Lover - Chapter 10:”Cornelia Street”

Read on AO3

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9

Summary: Claire and Jamie spend a night in the city. The next day, Jamie has a rude awakening and eventually our lovers head to Broadway to see Wicked.

Notes: As always, thank you for reading and leaving notes. Every time I get a notification is a small thrill and I really appreciate it. We have officially passed the half way point of this fic experiment! If you didn't figure it out from the way the last chapter ended, this one is more than a bit smutty. Smut is at the beginning and end if that's something you try to avoid. Enjoy!

Chapter 10: Cornelia Street

“I rented a place on Cornelia Street,” Jamie said casually in the car. “I was originally thinking since it’s early yet we could head to a bar down the street for a dram, but if you want to turn in for the night, I understand.” His blue eyes were twinkling with innuendo under the glow of passing streetlights.

“Hmm… I don’t think we need the assistance of alcohol tonight,” Claire raised her brow, catching his eye. “Unless you’re really set on it?”

“Nae, Sassenach, you’re more than enough for me.” he replied, stroking her thigh in the backseat. It was true, they were drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar. Now that the full force and truth of their love was unleashed, they were both in a state of anticipatory ecstasy. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other during the 15 minute Uber ride back to the subway station to pick up their bags and head to Manhattan. Neither of them could wait to get the other alone, enveloped in the privacy of the AirBnb. It was as if the streetlights pointed in an arrowhead leading them home.

They stepped out onto the sidewalk, Claire leading, eager to get to their destination. She turned around before she hit the subway tunnel, grabbing Jamie and wrapping her arms around his neck. They kissed passionately on the sidewalk, bodies pressed close, the promise of more a mere subway ride away.

Jamie and Claire emerged from underground just three blocks away from their destination. The nighttime autumn air was bringing a chill and a smattering of raindrops was starting to fall from the sky. Jamie draped his jacket around Claire’s shoulders, noticing that she was wrapping her arms close to her chest. Her smile lit up at the gesture. Although the warmth of their love should have, in theory, been strong enough to keep them warm, it was undeniable that the seasons were changing and winter was headed to New York.

By the time they arrived on Cornelia street, the rain had turned to a downpour and they found themselves running down the street, hand in hand to get to the warmth and privacy of their weekend abode. They dashed down the street until they stood before a building that appeared to be an old fashioned carriage house. Jamie punched some numbers into a keypad beside a side door and they heard a click as it unlocked. They scrambled through the open door and climbed up two flights of stairs where they were met with another door. Another code was entered and the door opened to reveal a spacious and airy apartment, well-appointed with cozy antique furniture and rugs, ornate light fixtures, modern artwork, and plenty of houseplants thriving among large, floor-to-ceiling windows. They were soaked through, their clothes clinging to their bodies. They dropped their bags on the floor as they entered.

“I’m freezing!” Claire squealed, reluctantly slipping Jamie’s jacket off her shoulders and slipping it on a hook by the door. She kicked off her shoes and scurried through the apartment towards what she hoped was a bedroom. Jamie found the thermostat on the wall near the dining area and turned it up higher than he normally would--but his Sassenach was cold and he wasn’t paying the bill. The heat kicked on quickly and the apartment began to fill with warm air. Jamie followed Claire into the bedroom and found it empty. He did however, notice a large armoire with a hidden gas fireplace (luckily he had read about this on the AirBNB website before booking), and took a moment to open it and turn the fireplace on. He then slipped around the corner towards the adjacent bathroom and stopped short at the sight before him. Claire had stripped off her wet clothing and was draping it over the shower rod in the bathroom to dry. Jamie caught a generous view of her backside glimpsing her through the bathroom doorway where he stood, taking in her beauty.

“I bless the rains on Cornelia Street” he lauded reverently, peeling off his own soaked shirt and guiding himself behind her, reaching over her head to drape his shirt next to hers, he moved his hands down her body slowly, settling them on her hips and pulling her close to him.

“Do you need help with those wet pants?” she hummed, turning her head towards him with a mischievous grin.

“Aye, that’d be bonny” Jamie replied. Claire turned around and put her hands on his chest, running them down to the waistband of his jeans. She unlatched his belt and slid it through the belt loops, tossing it aside where it landed with a thud on the bathroom floor. She crouched down to unbutton and unzip his fly, keeping her eyes locked on his face the entire time. She felt his hardness beneath her hands as she carried out her task. She slowly wriggled his jeans down to the floor and he stepped out of them. She picked them up off the floor, exaggerating her movements to give Jamie a full view of her arse, playfully leading him on a path there would be no going back from as she lifted them to the curtain rod, pressing her posterior against the rapidly growing bulge in his boxer briefs. “Why Mr. Fraser, I do believe despite the chill you are quite excited.”

“As if the sight of your arse in those jeans all day wasn’t enough to give a man a cock stand, to see it in its full glory… Christ Sassenach.” He’d had enough of her playing games, and spun her around to face him again, kissing her passionately as he scooped up handfuls of her arse, pulling her even closer to him. She slipped her fingers into the waistband of his underwear, edging them down gently with no small effort as they were wet from the rain. Once, they were also discarded on the floor, Jamie scooped her up effortlessly, hoisting her onto his hips as she wrapped her legs around his torso. They continued kissing, tongues dancing to steps only they knew, as he carried her into the bedroom and laid her down sideways on the end of the bed atop a soft, plush blanket, directly across from the fireplace. “Whatd’ya say I warm ya up Sassenach?” he growled as they came up for air.

“Mmmmhmm” was all she could muster out in response. The heat from the fireplace was already doing a good job of warming her, but she had a feeling it had more to do with being cradled in her Scots arms. He tented himself over her, rubbing his length over her folds, caressing her arms until gooseflesh arose. Planting hungry kisses on her neck and down her clavicle to her breast. He suckled ravenously, taking her soft pillow to his mouth, squeezing it reverently to his cheek before moving to the other breast as she bit her lip, taking in the sensation. When her wee noises indicated she couldn’t take his teasing anymore, he guided himself into her.

They gave themselves to each other fully, heart, body, mind and soul. It was a sacred new beginning for them after all they had said to each other just a few hours before. Jamie suddenly understood all that the church had taught him about marriage and sexuality. Although he and Claire were not yet wed, he realized the sacrament of marriage was not in the ceremony, but in the joining he and Claire were experiencing in this holy space. This was becoming their religion, he was worshipping the God who created this woman just for him and brought her to him safely. He also knew in this moment he could never again be parted from her. Each thrust was a commitment, to keep her safe, to love her, to see to her needs, to take care of her, to protect her from harm. He made these promises to her and himself silently, affirming each with a grunt to match her moans. He would make these commitments publically in a church someday, before God and loved ones, but for now they would stay in his head in the quiet of the room filling with nothing but the sounds of their heavy breaths and cries of pleasure. As he led them home with a final few thrusts, he cried out, “I love you, Claire. God, I love you.”

Jamie kissed Claire’s nose sweetly as they lay, wrapped in each other's arms, panting in post-coital bliss. “Now, I’m warm!” Claire exclaimed. She was flushed red, not only from what had just happened.

“Aye, so am I” Jamie agreed. The combination of forced air heat blasting from a nearby vent and the fireplace had made the room feel sultry and warm while Claire and Jamie were otherwise occupied. He was glistening with sweat, still above her, he rolled over and off the bed, and swung the window wide open, allowing the crisp autumn air to cool their skin. Claire rose to join him near the window, which looked out on an alleyway towards a brick wall. She wrapped her arms around him, bending her curls into the crook of his neck where she fit just right.

“I love you too, Jamie Fraser.” She said in a low voice as she kissed his shoulder. “Come back to bed.” She stepped away towards the bed, tugging at his hand. He cocked one eyebrow, staring intently at her.

“To bed, or to sleep?” he questioned. Claire simply eyed him with a mischievous grin and continued to lead him to the bed.

----------

Jamie, as he did the last time Claire told him she loved him, stayed awake with excitement into the wee hours of the night, softly stroking Claire’s curls and imagining their future together. Their future was a fresh page on the desk, and they’d fill in the blanks as they went, but he was certain that this was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Sleep took Claire much more quickly, worn out from a day of carousing around the city and a night of passionate lovemaking. Due to her restful sleep, Claire woke when sunlight started creeping into the room. She slipped out of bed as quietly as possible, tiptoeing through the room so as not to disturb Jamie. Much to her dismay, she stepped on a creaky floorboard, wishing she had memorized its location the night before. She paused, taking in the sight of Jamie's limp form on the bed. He was still fast asleep, smiling slightly and Claire paused a bit longer than she intended to, taking in the sight of him, so peaceful and serene, and all hers.

Claire continued into the kitchen, barefoot and started searching the cupboards to see if there was anything edible. She might have suggested they stop for groceries the night before, but her appetite was focused solely on a different set of urges at the time. She opened the fridge, but all that was inside was a Brita pitcher of water and a bottle of champagne--a rather expensive one--already opened, with a note on it that read: the last guests left this the other night, it’d be a shame to throw it out, so feel free to help yourself! That would be a welcome treat this evening, or maybe even for mimosas this morning, but she needed sustenance and she had no doubt that Jamie had also worked up an appetite last night in his exertions. Her still-packed bag was on the floor in the hall where she left it last night, she grabbed it and snuck into the guest bathroom to don leggings and a sweatshirt, brush the morning breath from her teeth and wrangle her curls into a ponytail. She grabbed her purse and left Cornelia Street to grab supplies to make breakfast. She hoped to surprise Jamie and be back before he even knew she was gone.

----------

Jamie awoke, reaching to pull Claire close to him, blindly feeling the empty sheets and pillow beside him. “Sassenach?” he called out into the empty room. There was no response. He reluctantly arose from the bed and walked towards the master bathroom, to see if she was there, but the door was open and Claire was not in there. He headed out into the living room--still no Claire--not in the kitchen or dining room either. He peeked out the window onto the small patio behind the apartment, which was also empty. Where could she be? He went to the hallway to retrieve his phone from his bag, where he had left it last night and his heart sank low as he realized his was the only one in the hallway. His face felt hot and he felt something deep within him shatter. Not again. Please don’t leave me. I don’t wanna lose you. He unlocked his phone, hoping for a message from her, some sort of explanation, a family emergency even, anything that would explain why she had left him the morning after saying “I love you” yet again. She seemed so genuine, so sure since their reunion. He felt so certain of her love this time around--last night he could have sworn their souls were aligned. He dialed her number, maybe she didn’t have time to send him a message. It rang and rang before her voicemail message responded Hey it’s Claire, leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Was this the last he would hear of her voice? He hung up, unable to leave a message, his throat was caught holding back tears, they were welling behind his eyes as his mind tried to work through any possible explanation where Claire still loved him. He ran a hand through his curls, pacing the floor as he thought about what his next move should be. He walked around the apartment again, looking for a sign, a note, glancing out every window, peering out to the street below, searching for her, but she was long gone.

He stooped in the hallway to his bag and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and put them on, slipping out of the apartment and ascending the stairs to the rooftop patio. He hadn’t told Claire about it, and it was far too rainy last night to show her, but maybe she went exploring and discovered it on her own. With her bag, ya dafty? Face it, she’s gone, she played you like a card shark again, you eejit. When he found the rooftop empty as well he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

He rushed back to the apartment, where he could sob freely away from anyone who might see. In his personal opinion, there was nothing unmanly about letting your feelings out with a good cry, but it was still embarrassing to be seen in such a state, regardless of gender. He collapsed on the couch and pulled his phone out to try and text Claire. The last text she’d sent him, a small pink heart emoji just a day ago, appeared on his screen and his throat caught again. Oh Claire, what did I do? He tried to compose a text: Claire, I’m sorry, please come back to me. No, too desperate, he hit the back arrow and watched the message disappear. Claire, I noticed you’re gone, I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it. Call me. No, that wasn’t right either. Hey. No, if something was wrong that was too unfeeling. Maybe this would be easier if his mind wasn’t spiraling so much.

He wondered what time the bar down the street opened, he could use a dram or two to take the edge off. It was only just after 9:00, surely they wouldn’t be open for several hours, especially on a Sunday morning. He began pacing the apartment again, unable to keep still. The last time this had happened, he found refuge in a church, but the thought of crying out to God (and likely physically crying) amongst the Sunday Mass crowd in an unfamiliar church told him that wasn’t a good idea just now. Besides, he was angry with God. How could ya? How could ya take her away from me again? After I told ya I was committed to her, after I promised I’d cherish and keep her. How could you let her back into my life just so I could see her go again? It’s not right, it’s not fair, there’s only so much a man can take!

He went to the kitchen to get some water, and when he opened the fridge, he noticed a bottle of champagne with a note encouraging him to help himself. Don’t mind if I do. He desired something stronger, but it would have to do. He uncorked the bottle and took a large swig. If he cared for more than the emotion numbing power of alcohol right now, he would have noticed it was the best champagne he’d ever tasted, but all he could think about was how the entire bottle could possibly be enough to shut down his thoughts. As he took his second swig, he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and felt a rush of emotion as a picture of Claire lit up the screen.

“Claire!” he shouted into the phone in a desperate voice.

“Jamie, I’m sorry I just saw you called, I guess I didn’t feel my phone in my purse.”

“Where are you? Is everything alright?” he was trying to hide the panic in his voice.

“I’m outside, I don’t know the code to get in”

A wave of relief washed over Jamie and he let out a breath he’d been holding. “Oh, it’s 79438.”

“Seven... nine… four… three... eight…” she repeated, Jamie could hear each number beep through the phone as she punched them into the keypad. “Be right up, see you in a minute!”

His heart was pounding with joy and relief. He left the champagne bottle on the counter and ran to the bathroom to splash water on his face, hoping to hide evidence of his tears. He would feel silly if Claire were to know how he reacted. He rushed back to the door of the apartment, opening it to greet her as she came up the last few steps, a reusable bag branded with the name of a nearby market in her hand. He pulled her to him as soon as they were back in the apartment and kissed her passionately.

“What was that for?” she inquired breathlessly when they pulled away.

“I just missed ya is all.” he replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

“Remind me to leave more often” she giggled. She noticed the look on his face when she said that, he didn’t look amused by her joke at all. “Are you alright?” she asked. She also noticed that the skin around his eyes looked puffy and swollen.

“I’m fine, Sassenach.”

She took in his appearance, not quite believing him, something was off about his demeanor. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he replied bashfully, running his fingers through his hair with one hand and nervously tapping his leg with the other. Claire raised an eyebrow, silently imploring him to continue. “It’s just that… weill, I noticed your bag was gone… and so I thought mebbe ye’d left me again.” he chuckled nervously, “It’s silly I know.”

“Oh, Jamie, no!” It was her turn to throw her arms around him. “I’m so sorry! I changed in the spare bathroom and left my bag there. I didn’t want to wake you; I was trying to surprise you with breakfast but there was no food here! Just champagne.” She held up the bag in her hand to show him.

“Aye, I noticed that myself.” he said, following her into the kitchen.

“Oh, I see you’ve started without me” noting the open bottle on the counter, she pulled a jug of orange juice out of the shopping bag “you know mixing this with orange juice makes day drinking more socially acceptable.” she chuckled, trying to clear the air with humor.

“It wasna really doing the trick anyway, mimosas sound great. Sassenach.” he drew her close again and planted a kiss on her forehead.

----------

After a leisurely breakfast they dressed for the show. Even Though it was a matinee, it was still an excuse to dress up and Claire had purchased a new dress for the occasion--a flowy low cut wrap dress in a perfectly ‘wicked’ shade of green. She decided to get ready in the guest bathroom, wanting Jamie to take in the full picture once she was all ready. Jamie got ready in the en suite, slicking his hair back and donning a black suit with black shirt. After taming her curls into what she hoped were sexy waves, and applying a smoky eye, she was ready. She stepped into the living room, where Jamie was already waiting, he rose from the couch upon her entrance and was looking better than she thought possible in his suit. They had similar reactions to each other--breaths caught, eyes stared, taking one another in, lingering long enough to be uncomfortable if it were anyone else. Jamie spoke first, crossing the room as if drawn to her by a magnet, “Are ya mad, woman? I can see every inch of you, right down to your third rib!” He scolded playfully, making it known exactly how wild the sight before him was driving him.

Claire hummed a laugh in response, “you cannot!” she replied flirtatiously. “Do you like it?” she exaggerated the sway of her hips as she approached him, causing the dress to float through the room dramatically.

“Like it? I reckon ya could wear a plastic bag around ya and I’d like it, but this…” he took both of her hands and took a step back, taking her in again. “You look phenomenal, Sassenach. I’m not sure I can control myself around you all day.”

She gave him a wicked smile, pulled him close and whispered a sultry bargain in his ear “If you’re on your best behavior today, I’ll let you see what I have on underneath.” she turned around coyly and headed towards the door to get her purse and jacket.

Christ, this woman will be the death of me. Jamie thought, as he tried to think of something, anything else that would help to stop the blood from rushing to his nether region. He stepped into the bathroom to splash water on his face for the second time that day, careful not to mess up his coiffed hair and met Claire at the door. Now that she had her coat on, it was easier to control his impulses, but God, he wanted her.

----------

Claire was enraptured by Wicked. Even Jamie’s hand frequently caressing her thigh wasn’t enough to distract her from the sights before them. The tickets Jamie had won were center orchestra seats and it was delightful to see the sparkling costumes and set pieces so close. If Claire was lucky enough to attend a Broadway musical she was usually up in a top corner balcony seat, which did have the benefit of taking in the whole stage at once, but it paled in comparison to this.

She couldn’t help but cry during the song “I’m Not That Girl”--the actress did an incredible job of conveying emotion and Claire recalled how she felt just a month prior. Don’t dream too far, don’t lose sight of who you are, don’t remember that rush of joy. She had convinced herself that since Jamie wasn’t a part of the plan, he didn’t belong with her, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. With every dream and memory of him during their separation, she filled with more and more regret. Jamie noticed her sniffles and gently stroked her hand, bringing it to lips briefly to kiss her knuckles. She felt his unspoken promise, you are that girl.

Her musings continued when the opening lines of “As Long as You're Mine” started: kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight, I need help believing you’re with me tonight. Her heart broke as she thought about the sight of Jamie’s puffy eyes in the AirBNB that morning. Knowing her responsibility for the doubt that she had planted in his heart, that their time apart was her fault. She knew now that they were solid--but could he? Could he ever fully trust her again? She firmly vowed to make it up to him in whatever way she could. The crescendo of the song built up, increasing in passion and intensity as the actors pressed their fully clothed bodies against each other, staring into each other’s eyes. How, painted green and in a long sleeve full length dress, Elphaba could convey such clear implications of sex, she did not know. Claire was more keenly aware of Jamie’s hand stroking her thigh, making its way painfully close to where she truly wanted to be stroked. When the music faded, Elphaba confessed to feeling wicked and kissed her lover passionately, the final payoff to the slow burn of the song. Claire made eye contact with Jamie, and she knew they both had little else on their mind than each other. Thank God they were half way through the second act, it would be hard to hold back much longer, and she didn’t want to be that couple caught with hands down each other’s pants in a sold out Broadway theater. For now, they would have to content themselves with stroking each other’s thighs.

The conclusion of the play was an emotional roller coaster. Claire couldn’t help but notice the parallel in her own life to the story of Elphaba--being cast out by the society she found herself in, ostracized and called names that stung even though there was some truth to them. Claire, like Elphaba, didn’t make the best choices in how she had behaved the previous spring, and had so suffered more consequences than she may have otherwise. Jamie was attuned to Claire’s feelings throughout, knowing when he needed to grip her hand tightly, or gently stroke her thumb, when to wipe a tear from her cheek, or kiss her knuckles softly. During curtain call Claire stood, enraptured, beaming and clapping furiously as each set of actors took a bow, wondering if they could see from the stage how much she enjoyed it.

Jamie too applauded enthusiastically, he thoroughly enjoyed the show finding it to be an emotionally poignant production and entertaining spectacle all at once. Most of all, he enjoyed seeing Claire’s enjoyment. She seemed so happy, so unrestrained, and he was partially responsible for it. Feelings of admiration and pride swirled around his wame, but mostly of love and gratitude. He was so grateful that Claire was the woman by his side. He didn’t know how he could live without her. The scare he had that morning made him more keenly aware of it. He was terrified of her walking away again. He was so glad she had called and showed her true hand that morning. As he stroked her leg in a dark theater all he could think was I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. That’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend.

They followed the crowd out of the theater and onto the streets of New York. Jamie was mystified by how the city seemed to scream Claire’s name, everything he saw made him think of her. He wanted to bring her everywhere--to the tops of all the tall buildings, the nicest restaurants, walks in the park, curbside hot dog stands, corner diners--everywhere big and small. Simultaneously, he wanted nothing more than to walk her back to that apartment and ravish her until she cried out his name. He did have dinner reservations at a nearby restaurant, but the thought of staring across a table at her cleavage in that dress, unable to do anything about it was not nearly as appealing as the thought of peeling it off her. The way she kept touching him, he had a feeling she had something similar in mind.

“So.” he stated matter-of-factly. “The plan is to get dinner at a spot around the corner.” He studied her reaction to his words and thank Christ for her glass face, he saw a twinge of disappointment that emboldened him to continue. “However, plans can be amended and if ya think you’d rather get back to Cornelia Street sooner…” The glass face perked up. “We could order takeaway and pick it up on the way back.”

“Takeaway sounds divine, what are you in the mood for?” he was keenly aware of the double meaning of her words--she was using that low, sultry voice that drove him wild.

He pulled her close, growling in her ear “you know exactly what I’m in the mood for, Ms. Beauchamp.” he sucked her earlobe, and trailed a line of wet, passionate kisses down her neck.

“So, Thai food then?” she eyed him coyly.

“Aye, that sounds bonny” Jamie pulled out his phone, first calling to cancel their reservation, then looking to Google with Claire to find a Thai place in the village with good reviews they could pick food up at. Once their food was ordered, he held her hand on the street and led her back to Cornelia Street.

----------

Once they were just inside the apartment, Jamie set the takeout on the floor and immediately pressed Claire against the closed door and took her fiercely to his mouth, pawing at the buttons on her coat, trying miserably to get it off her. Claire pressed her palm against his chest, gasping for air she pushed him back to arm’s length. He blinked, bewildered. She made eye contact with him as she tugged at the knot in the waistband of her coat, untying it. She then unbuttoned each button, painfully slow, taking her time with each one well he gazed intensely, breath heavy. Once she finished her task she slipped the coat off her shoulders allowing it to fall to the floor behind her. Jamie was back on her in an instant, planting kisses on her neck and down, down, down. He nuzzled himself between her breasts, kissing, sucking and playfully biting the soft flesh. His hands ran through her hair at first, then up and down her body settling on her arse which he kneaded and squeezed hungrily. Claire was already moaning and they were still fully clothed. She slipped his jacket from his shoulders, and he flung it behind him as quickly as possible in order to return his hands to her hind quarters. She began to make dexterous work of his shirt buttons as he lifted her thigh to his hip.

“Take me to bed” she breathlessly begged in his ear.

“Aye.” he lifted her other leg and walked backward into the apartment. Instead of heading to the bedroom, he took her to the living room, sitting on an oversized chaise lounge near the fireplace with Claire still on his lap, his face still buried in her fleshy pillows. She began to grind against him as he stroked her thighs, pushing the dress up to stroke the flesh underneath. He snaked his arm up her back, holding her firmly and turned her so she was lying on her back. “I’ve been wanting to take ya, right here, since I saw you walk inta the room this morning in that dress.”

“Hmm… is that so?” she hummed. “I believe I said I’d show you what’s underneath if you were behaved.”

“Aye, ya did. Was I a good boy then?”

“You” she confirmed, “were a very good boy.” she tugged at the tie of the dress and allowed the fabric to fall off her body, spilling around her in a pool of green as she lay on the chaise. She thought Jamie’s eyes would pop out of their head the way he looked at her so intensely. She was wearing black lacy bodysuit with a neckline that plunged all the way to the waistband of the bottom part of it. “Now, you can see--what was it? My third rib?” she smirked.

“Aye. I see it, right about… here.” He planted a kiss under her breast. “ I wonder what else I can see” he tugged at the fabric, pleased to find it was stretchy and revealed her right breast. “Mmm… now that is a sight to behold. He wrapped his tongue around her nipple.

“I showed you, now what do you have to show me?” she bit her lower lip and eyed him coyly.

“Fair’s fair I suppose.” He slipped his shirt off easily, as Claire had already unbuttoned it for him and let it drop to the floor. Standing, he slowly unbuckled his belt and slipped it through each individual belt loop. He wanted her, but he also wanted payback for the show she made of her buttons in the entryway. He made similar work of the button on his fly, and then inched the zipper down, painfully slow. He slid his thumbs into his waistband and nudged his pants down, swaying his hips in an exaggerated motion as he peeled them down slowly.

Claire was eyeing him with a desperate hunger and a naughty glint in her eye, biting her lower lip with anticipation. She decided to join him in the tease, sitting up and slipping her body suit off one shoulder slowly. She then made a show of the other side, peeling it off carefully so as not to expose her breast until the last possible second. They were playing a dangerous game, eyeing each other hungrily as they fought their own desires in order to tease each other. Claire stood before Jamie, the lower part of her bodysuit still covering the place where she was rapidly growing aroused. His arousal was still covered as well, although it was apparent through the fabric. They slipped their thumbs into each other’s waistbands, ridding themselves of the last stitches of clothing between them.

“I think you said something about taking me right here?” she inquired demurely.

“Aye.” he growled, and he did just that.

End Note: Poor Jamie! That we bit of angst he went through broke my heart to write. He loves her so much. Hopefully all the smut made up fo it. More smut next week as it seems these two can't keep their hands off each other!

#lover #outlander #outlander fanfic #outlander fic #outlander fanfiction #smut #a little angst #a little fluff #a lot of pining #jamie x claire #jamie fraser #claire beauchamp #inspired by taylor swift #cornelia street #new york city #greenwich village #broadway #wicked

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bidisasterevankinard · 10 months

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hiii ✏️🔍☂️

Hi Dee 💙🫂😘 (get to know me)

✏️ when did you start writing fanfic

My first fic I wrote when I was 14. It was on my mother language and about kurt/blaine from glee(I actually like watched some their moments and only some first eps of glee don't judge me please). But I deleted it fast cause I had really offensive comment and well my self esteem always low. So I was writing a little bit for myself in dif fandoms, but deleted it from my comp or throw away notes. Only in buddie fandom I felt inspired again to actually write and share.

🔍 what character do you enjoy writing for the most

I love to write for Buck cause I love him and well I'm so buckcoded. But I also enjoy write Eddie and Bobby (especially Bobby in au I write now. He's my fav there)

☂️ your favorite fanfic from another writer

IT'S SO HAAAAAARD. So I will give some latest fics I've read which just made me feel so many things and change me as person

forget-me-nots by so incredible talented @anxieteandbiscuits

Eddie loses memory close to their wedding about everything from 2015 and need to again fight internalized homophobia when he has a whole fiance, try to live without memories of 8 years of his life, find way to fall in love with Buck again.

JUST READ IT TRUST ME

we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) by my super talented love @heartbeatdiaz

Author Buck and actor Eddie meet cute before Eddie's audition for Buck's book, but Eddie doesn't know he talks with his fav author. They work together for months and pining so so much.

If you need something for cute evening with tea under blanket TRUST ME it's ur choice

The Trouble With You Is by so fantastically talented @princessfbi

Eddie is Deputy US Marshal Eddie and he should protec Buck from Doug cause he's mafia boss and Maddie offers to help put him under arrest. Enemies to lovers, forced roommates, really good action and brat Buck.

If you need something super new in aus for buddie I highly recommend

I should go and find myself (before I ruin someone else) by my wonderfully talented love @monsterrae1

Buck is looking what best for him in the start of 6s and finds himself in other universe where Buck and Eddie were together, but Buck from this universe died a year ago, and Eddie can't deal with it. So Buck should find his answers here and help Eddie from this universe to move and continue living, not surviving for Chris.

THIS THING WRECKED ME SO GOOD. IT KILLED OLD DI AND MADE NEW ONE. I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME . But I so so so recommend at least once to read it.

#ask game #fic rec #buddie fic #dee 💙#mwah

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nightashes · 4 years

Text

Painting with Ashes

A/N: Hi, guys! Thought it was about time I wrote a Remus centered fic. I hope you enjoy it! I appreciate you all!

Summary: Remus wants to help Roman create, but Roman doesn’t want his help. Is there a place for the “bad” creativty?

ao3 version - writing masterlist

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiip

“Hey, Roman.”

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiip

“Roman.”

Riiiiiiiiiiip

“Roooman.”

Riiiiiiiiiiiiip

“I swear, Remus, if you don’t stop-“

“I’m boooored.” Remus laments, sprawled across the bottom-bunk, his head hanging off the side, while his hands work on ripping out another page from his already half-destroyed magazine. The dilapidated shreds of paper lie scattered across his torso and on the ground beneath his head.

Remus stares across their room at his brother, who is currently engrossed in his work for Thomas. The prince scribbling away at a particularly vexing part of a script, his brow creased and his lips pursed. In Remus’s opinion this whole “script-writing nonsense” was driving Roman completely insane and so it was his job, as a good brother (the best brother, really), to pester Roman into finally finally taking a break.

Remus rips out another page, the sound satisfying some primal urge of destruction as he petitions his brother once again for some attention. “Can’t we do something together? Come on, we could fight! A good spar has got to be more fun than drilling out another failed script idea.”

BANG

Roman’s hands slam against his desk.

Bingo. A wicked grin affixes itself to the rancid side’s face. His voice becomes sickly-sweet. “Yes, it probably would be better if you just turned the whole project over to me.” He rises, slinking across the room to stand above his brother, a vulture peering over his shoulders, inspecting the remains of the crinkled script. “You are clearly burnt-out on ideas. I’m sure I could offer Thomas a truly fresh perspective.” The duke reaches out to take a hold of the project. Roman, quick as lightning, slaps his hand away.

“Oh, touchy.”

“Remus, please.”

Remus pauses. Thinking.

“You know, I am also creativity. Why can’t I help?”

“I don’t need help. I’m fine on my own.”

Remus crosses his arms, pouting. “I don’t think that’s fair. It’s boring, watching you do all the work while I’m just told to stay out of the way. But Thomas forbid, the bad creativity contributes!”

“Remus, you aren’t the bad creativity.”

“Well, then let me help!” Remus reaches again for the script.

“No!” Roman yanks the pages away, holding them close to his chest. His eyes wide and his breath quick. As if Remus’s help was the worst thing in the world. And Remus, well, Remus was not having fun anymore.

“....okay...okay.” He nods, backing away from the desk. “....okay...I’ll just leave.”

“Remus, wait. I-“

The door to the imagination closes shut on his words.

Remus sighs. A heavy sigh. Much too heavy for the rambunctious side. He drags his hand down his face, as if the simple gesture could wipe away that heaviness. Could ease the weight that is settling in his chest. He breathes. Breathing in the air of the imagination. Air that is full of creative potential and...cheeriness. It did not match his mood at all.

Shrugging his shoulders, he marches forward. Trudging through the rolling hills and the flowering meadows that mark Roman’s side of the creativity. He feels his own dour mood grate in sharp contrast to the sunny rangelands. He longs for the comforts of his dark forest, for the shadows of his thick canopy, and the haunting echoes of his gloomy cave.

He watches his feet, gliding through the long grass, crushing the thin blades beneath his boots, only for the wild grasses to rise again as he continues forward. Leaving almost no sign of his presence. That he has passed through. That Remus Sanders the “the bad creativity” has had any impact on Roman’s perfect little meadows. Something about this frustrates him, it grates against his already frayed nerves. And they break.

He stomps on the stems, he jumps on the blades, he kicks at the grasses, he drags his feet through the dirt, spraying up clumps of soil. He falls to the ground and tears out fistfuls of plant and earth. Pulling up chunks of vegetation. Throwing them around. A wild desire is fulfilled as he claws at the land, the dirt pushing up beneath his nails beds, covering his hands, staining his pants. He smiles. A wild smile. A smile of presence. The smile of a child that has discovered the joy of making mud cakes and of knowing the feel of the earth between his hands. The smile of being here in this moment and in this place. He is alive.

He looks up, measuring the distance left between him and his forest. He feels the desire to run between his trees and to unleash a wild cry of pure existence. What he sees is something he most certainly did not expect. The fatherly side, waddling forwards, his arms straining to keep hold of a large and cumbersome box. The top is open revealing paper, wire, ceramics, and the ends of other projects sticking up and over the lid. Patton, who is so focused on keeping his grip, does not take notice of the feral presence settled within the grasses.

His mustache tickles as he smiles wide and broad. He creeps forward, summoning his mace, and cracking his neck. With a breath, he lunges, smashing the box from Patton’s hands and scattering the contents across the pasture. Patton screams in shock, flinging his hands up in fear, confusion written across his face as his eyes swing wildly around to land on… Remus.

Remus, who is cackling wildly, “Well, hello! I th-“ He cuts himself off, completely forgetting whatever clever remark he had planned. His gaze is locked onto the spilled art projects that now litter the ground… his spilled art projects.

“Wha-“ His mind is blank. He can’t even remember the last time he hadn’t had some thought running through his head but this…

Patton hands flutter around his person. He rushes to explain, “Oh, Kiddo, look I was going to ask you if I could take them. But I didn’t even know what was pulling me towards the imagination in the first place. I was just in my room and, well, you know I keep and preserve Thomas’s memories. Good, bad, sad, happy, anxious, creative, and these they just have so many memories attached to them. And they were just lying there, neglected! I had to take them. To take care of them! And I, oh, I’m explaining this terribly! I, just… Remus?”

Remus is not listening. He is crouched on the ground, carefully shifting through the discarded pieces. He lifts one up, an old crayon drawing, just a bunch of scribbles, he can’t even tell what it was supposed to be. He laughs. He wants to cry. He smashes it between his hands, crushing it into a ball.

“Remus, STOP!” Patton yells, grabbing the crumpled drawing away from the feral side, holding it close to his chest.

Remus looks up at him, his smile stretched, his eyes rimmed red. “Don’t you see, Patton? I’m tired of being told to stop.”

And there it is, a look of pity.

Remus grabs the box, he flattens it with his fists, he summons some heat and sets it aflame. He feeds the fire, throwing in all of his past endeavors, his attempts at creativity. His paper mache eldritch horrors, his paintings of mayhem, a phallic sculpture that shatters as he throws it into the bonfire of his past. Paintings from when he was six, drawings from when he was twelve, origami from when he was fourteen, poetry from when he was sixteen, songs from when he was twenty. All of it up in flames, burning bright, the sparks singeing their creator. The smoke rises high. It fills the air and wipes away what was. And for a moment Remus feels free.

He feels himself rise with the smoke. He feels his heart cleansed with the flames, a release of everything that has been building.

A hand settles on his shoulders. Patton is sitting beside him, his hand still clutching the crumbled drawing.

“Sometimes, you just gotta let go of the past, Patton. Live in the moment. Let everything just roll off your back and only focus on what is. On here and now.”

Patton looks down at the picture in his hand. “I protect Thomas’s memories.” He unfolds the paper, smooths out the wrinkles. He speaks softly. “Thomas was so happy when he drew this.”

Remus gives Patton a look of confusion. “I drew that, not Thomas.”

The fatherly side sniffles, “You drew this together. It’s supposed to be Thomas electrifying his brother.” Patton shakes his head affectionately. “It was your idea. Probably because Roman had annoyed you that day.” Patton holds the drawing out to Remus, he gently accepts it.

A soft “huh” escapes his lips. “I had forgotten.”

“I’m not surprised. It was a long time ago. But I… Well, I remember everything.”

“Doesn’t that hurt.”

“It can. Sometimes all I want to do is just push all those feelings away. But I’m told that isn’t exactly healthy.” He gives his fellow side a sad smile.

“You don’t have to feel that way. You can let go of these memories. That's what I do. When you’re feeling like everything is too much! Just let it all out! Scream, shout, tear through the world! And then you just let it all go. Forget the past. We are only here and now.” He waves the drawing through the air, gesturing madly.

Patton follows the drawing with his hands, in some attempt at protection. “Oh, careful, Remus.”

“No! Don’t be careful. Careful is holding in all those feelings until they come bursting out! We won’t hold anything in! We forget the past.” He throws the picture towards the flames.

Patton’s hands are already there. He catches the painting. “Please, Remus. This memory. Why would you want to destroy this?” He looks down at the worn paper. Smudges of fingerprints, of ash, cover the edges.

“Why would I want to hold onto it?”

“You and Thomas created it together.”

“And now, all we do is hurt each other. He pushes me away and I lash out.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.”

“Are you going to change that?” Remus raises an eyebrow.

“No. You are.” Patton speaks. And once more, he passes Remus the drawing. “Don’t destroy it, Remus. Create something new.”

“Create something new.” Remus hums to himself in thought. He waves away the flames, leaving behind only cinders. The rancid side leans forward, dipping his fingers in the ashes, and then he begins to paint. He brushes his fingers across the page, leaving behind blacks and greys. He dips his fingers into the fire’s remains again and again. Scooping up more ash to work with. A border begins to form. A collection of swirls and streaks. It accentuates the bright colors of the crayon scribbles. They pop against the smoky background. Old and new, merging and creating. Ash and crayon. Darkness and color. Remus is transfixed. He is no longer throwing away the past, he is rewriting it. And it is… it is something to be proud of.

“Wow.” Patton whispers beside him. “Two memories, blended together. It’s amazing.”

Remus cocks an eyebrow. “Eh, well it’s okay.” He smiles. “But I guess I will keep it. To remember this.”

Patton and Remus head back together. They talk. Wildly and passionately. About art. About memories. About jokes and puns. About anything that comes rushing through their heads. And it’s weird. And it’s silly and they love it. They laugh loud and merrily. And when they arrive at the mindpalace through Roman and Remus’s door, still laughing at some joke. They begin talking excitedly about the perfect place to hang the picture. Above the desk, beside the mirror, or on the wall by the bed.

Remus looking around slowly begins to take notice that the shreds of paper he had left behind seem to have multiplied. The pieces of magazine have been joined with the shreds of a script. The very same script that Roman had been working on. The one that had been irritating him for hours on end. And now it was destroyed and thrown away on the ground.

“Roman, you have to see what Remus created.” Patton speaks from behind him.

Remus whips around to see Roman standing in the doorway, his arms full of an array of weapons.

“Oh, it looks great.” Roman speaks, still fumbling with an armload of swords, daggers, and arrows. “Remus, I… I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t help. I was just so mad at the script and myself and I wanted to be perfect. And I mean you were a jerk, but that’s nothing new.”

Remus scoffs. “Hey, you needed a break. I knew that, that’s why I pushed you. But that’s what brothers do. Being jerks is how we show we care.”

Roman shifts the weapons, raising them as much as he can without losing his grip. “You still want to spar?”

“Heck, yes I do.” Remus grins. He supposes that all in all there are some memories that really are worth holding onto, memories that remind him of who he is. Because he is creativity. One of two. And sure, sometimes it can be hard but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

awesome people to tag: @stop-it-anxiety @rainboots-are-for-snobs @hexatrash @ollyollyoxinfree @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun

#creativitwins #platonic intruality #remus sanders #roman sandes #patton sanders #sanders sides #my writing #ts fanfic #sandes sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders

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dewitty1 · 4 years

Link

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley Additional Tags: Identity Porn, Undercover, Case Fic, Polyjuice Potion, Flirting, Mild Dubcon Due To Secret Identity, Minor Character Death, Drinking

Summary:

When Draco Malfoy returns to the public eye by purchasing a run-down little antiques shop on Knockturn, Harry is convinced that he is up to something. It turns out that Harry is both very right and very wrong about that.

Excerpt:

For the dozenth time, Harry lamented the fact that Ron had won their coin toss for which one of them had to come downstairs to Evidence and deal with this.

They’d busted an illegal potion lab the week prior, and still had yet to receive the itemised list of everything that had been seized in the raid. He’d hoped to see Hyacinth, who reminded Harry uncomfortably of Madam Pince, but was otherwise all right. She wasn’t exactly friendly, but she was about as down-to-business as they came, and Harry was always in and out of here in a flash when she was handling his requests.

But he knew his luck, and had been disappointed but not the least bit surprised when he’d walked in just as Hyacinth left on her afternoon break. Which left Patrick watching the front desk.

Patrick was young, only just out of Hogwarts, and he stared at Harry like he’d personally hung the moon and pinned all the stars in the sky to boot. He did the same thing to Ron, to a somewhat lesser extent, the way he did with anyone who’d fought in the War. He also took for-fucking-ever to do anything, and both Ron and Harry agreed that he probably took his time on purpose to spend more time basking in their heroic presence, as Ron liked to put it.

But Ron had won the coin toss, just as he’d won the last four. Harry was convinced he was cheating, but fuck if he could figure out how.

He sighed and slouched against the counter, watching as Patrick very slowly sorted through paperwork, carefully initialing each item on the list. There were a lot of items on the list. The illegal potion lab had been set up in an abandoned warehouse, and the warehouse had been very full. Harry watched Patrick slowly initial his way down another page, slowly blot the ink dry, and slowly set it aside, and wondered whether there was a way for him to order dinner and have it delivered down here, because at this rate they’d be here until tomorrow.

“—and of course we apologise for any inconvenience,” Auror Fitzgerald said as he pushed into the room.

“That’s quite all right. I’ve cleared my schedule for the day.”

Harry had barely noticed when the door opened—Evidence was busy and people had been in and out constantly—but the sound of Malfoy’s stupid posh voice had his head snapping up.

The sight of Malfoy for the first time in nearly six weeks sent Harry’s heart jolting against his ribs. For the briefest moment, Malfoy looked similarly shocked to see Harry. Then his expression shuttered and his features settled back into that haughty look that made some stubborn little part deep down inside of Harry want to punch him in his stupid pointy nose.

Auror Fitzgerald looked around. “No Hyacinth?” he asked.

“On break,” Patrick said. He did a comical double-take when he recognised Malfoy, and then looked at Harry like he expected him to leap into action and, what? Arrest him? Unfortunately, it wasn’t a crime to be a complete and utter tosser, so Patrick was out of luck there.

Harry stared at him, face blank, until Patrick went back to perusing his paperwork.

He waited a minute before risking a glance over at Malfoy, and could tell from the stiff set of his shoulders and the perfectly neutral look on his face that Malfoy had definitely been watching Patrick.

“Shit,” Harry muttered to himself, the idea of what he needed to do next blossoming in his mind all at once. He turned on his heel and strode out of Evidence.

“Auror Potter?” Patrick said, perfectly baffled.

“Contact Auror Weasley,” Harry called over his shoulder. “He’ll finish up with you!”

He broke into a jog once he was through the doorway and out of sight. Too impatient to wait for a lift, he took the stairs, bolting down them two at a time. He didn’t know how much time he had to get to Diagon and back, but he thought it best to hurry.

When Harry arrived back at Evidence just ten minutes later, Malfoy was nowhere to be seen and Hyacinth was back at her post behind the desk. Harry rushed up to her, ignoring the way Patrick gaped at him.

“Did you help Draco Malfoy?” he asked breathlessly.

Hyacinth looked at him over the tops of her half-moon spectacles. “Are you asking in an official capacity?”

“No,” he said. “But it’s important.”

Hyacinth’s mouth pursed into a thin line as she studied Harry. Whatever desperation she saw on his face had her shrugging. “He just left.”

“Thanks!” Harry called over his shoulder as he rushed out, and ignored the way Patrick called after him.

He hurried down the hall. He hadn’t encountered Malfoy on the stairs so if luck was on Harry’s side, he might catch him at the lifts. They’d been running slow all week. And—yes! There he was, standing in front of the grate.

“Malfoy!” Harry called, and Malfoy’s shoulders went tight. He jabbed the call button for the lift several times in rapid succession.

The lift didn’t arrive before Harry caught up to him, and Malfoy exhaled slowly without turning around. “What do you want?”

“Nothing,” Harry said. “Well, almost nothing. Just to give you this.”

Malfoy hesitated, and for a moment Harry thought he wasn’t going to turn. That the lift would arrive and Malfoy would step inside and Harry would be left here, standing in the corridor like a fool.

But Malfoy did turn, and Harry’s heart beat just a little bit faster. “Here,” he said, thrusting the paper bag at Malfoy.

Malfoy took it as cautiously as if he expected to find it stuffed full of live scorpions. He gave Harry a suspicious look, then unfolded the top and opened it up. The suspicion slid off his face, and his eyebrows jumped in surprise. “You…”

“I just thought, you know,” Harry said with a shrug, as the tantalising scent of fresh-baked chocolate croissants filled the air between them.

“I don’t know,” Malfoy said, folding the bag shut again. “Why don’t you tell me what you thought?”

Of course, the lift chose that moment to arrive, slamming to a halt before them. The grille clattered back, and just in case either of them had managed to miss all of that commotion, a second later the lift gave a cheerful little ding! to announce its arrival. A harried-looking witch clutching an enormous armload of scrolls squeezed between them and hurried down the hall, and every word Harry had practiced over and over in his mind on the way back here dried up.

“Well?” Malfoy prompted.

He said it impatiently, but there was something more in his voice, the faintest hint of pleading. And that gave Harry the courage to go on.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he blurted out.

Malfoy’s expression remained terrifyingly blank.

“And I know this isn’t what either of us would have chosen,” Harry went on. “But I liked D_____d. Really liked him.”

“D_____d doesn’t exist,” Malfoy said curtly. “He never did.”

“Not on his own, no,” Harry said. “But he was still you. And I want to find out whether all the things I liked about him are things I might like about you too.”

“It was one night, Potter,” Malfoy said scathingly. “It didn’t mean anything.”

His words were sharp, but Harry didn’t miss the way his hand had gone white-knuckled where it clutched the top of the paper bag. He was afraid, and Harry wasn’t going to let him fuck this up for both of them.

“It did,” Harry said. “It means that I want to find out whether we could have that as ourselves. It means that I want to get to know you. I means I want a chance.”

Malfoy studied him for long moments, and said nothing.

“And I think that you want the same thing,” Harry said. Because he remembered how Malfoy had kissed him. You didn’t kiss someone like that unless you wanted more. “All I’m asking for is a chance.”

*this excerpt was slightly edited for spoilers

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