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cyberphuck · 2 months

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ROYAL ASSASSIN ABRIDGED: PART TWO

My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposting about Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy, but they don’t want to actually have to read the books, so I’m summarizing it for them (and you)! (Check out all the other entries in the Farseer Trilogy Abridged series at the masterpost. Also if you think I’m funny you can send me a ko-fi from there.)

EDIT: added some strikethroughs where they were supposed to go and put something funny where I had just left the reminder to write something funny. Last Time on Dragon Book Z (rip Toriyama sensei), Fitz finally made it home from the mountains. He’d seen via Skill-o-Vision that Molly had been viked by Vikings, and he was desperate to see if she’d flagged herself ‘safe’ from Being Raided on Facebook…

The next day, Fitz is minding his own business being told by Cook Sara that he looks like shit when he spontaneously decides to climb sixty four flights of stairs. Considering that his tiny teenaged body is still 89% poison by volume and he just got home from the worst road trip of his life (so far!), by the time he gets to the top he's facedown on the floor, pushing himself along by his toes.

“Hello, Lil Accident,” Verity says, putting down his binoculars. “Wow, you look like shit.”

“So I’ve been told,” Fitz mumbles to the floor. ”You look a lot less skeletal than when I last saw you.“

”Thanks! I had sex.“

Fitz tries to get up and fails. ”I didn't even know you'd be up here.”

“Aha, but you see, I Skilled you here, and you didn't even know it. In fact I've been balls-deep in your brain for a week with you none the wiser, because this is a thing I can do with the Skill.“

Fitz spits out a mouthful of dust. ”Wow, when do I get to learn that kind of thing?“

”Never,“ Verity smiles, turning back to the window. ”Come look at my ships.“

Dragging himself up to the windowsill, Fitz peeks out. “Neat! We'll be able to defend ourselves against the Vikings with these for sure!“

”Yes,” Verity growls. “And I can't wait to continue the cycle of violence by going all the way to the Viking home planet and viking them back!“

Somewhere downstairs, the Fool rubs his temples, sighing loudly.

”Anyway, now that I've forced you to climb all the way up here, let's go back down so I can get something to eat.” Verity picks Fitz up by the scruff of his neck. “I want to hear all about your little trip to the Big Onion.“

They head down to Verity's man cave, and after watching 'ASSASSIN'S APPRENTICE ENDING EXPLAINED— WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO AUGUST,' Verity reads the comments, most of which point out that Regal should have totally died in a fire for plotting to kill his own brother and murdering a bunch of the wedding party.

Fitz looks at the hay bale in the corner, where the Fool is updating his Linkedin. ”Listen, I have a way bigger part in this book than the last one,“ the Fool says without looking up. ”I'm not gonna have time to re-explain who everybody is to you whenever you want. I've got a big death scene coming up.“

”You're going to die?!“ Fitz cries.

”Someone is,“ the Fool murmurs.

”You're probably wondering why I haven't punished Regal for any of the stuff he did last book,“ Verity says, steepling his fingers. ”And the truth is, I'm not going to, because he'll just throw a temper tantrum about it and I don't want to deal with that.“

”What if he tries to kill one of us again?“

”Pff, don't worry about it, Lil Accident.“ Verity waves him off. ”You can take tomorrow off to go look for your dead girlfriend.“

Fitz stands up. ”Thanks Prince Verity, I'm gonna go have a seizure before bed.“

But as soon as he steps out of the room, Lacey jumpscares him and drags him off to go see Lady Patience, who is laying in a pile of her current hyperfixations. ”You missed the wedding,” she says accusingly.

”Sorry, Mrs. My Dead Dad's Wife,“ Fitz sighs. ”Regal tried to, uh, do whatever the opposite of poisoning me and trying to drown me is, and now whenever I get excited I fall over.“ He accepts a glass of wine from Lacey, then dumps it over his head. “I've gotta move on to the next plot point now.”

Fitz is staggering up the stairs, leaving a wet smear of Rosé after him, when a Servant Girl comes to take his arm. “Here, sir,” she says sweetly. “Let me help you weave drunkenly back to your chambers. Wouldn't want you falling down the stairs and breaking your stupid lying neck.”

“Thanks, mysterious servant girl. You can drop me off at the corner, I’ll walk from here.”

But instead of letting him have a seizure in peace, the Servant Girl punches him in the gut and kicks him in the nads, because she's Molly!

“Holy shit, you're alive!” Fitz sobs. “Oh man, I had a vision that you got viked, it was awful—”

Molly kicks him in the nads again. “I did get viked, and afterwards I came here looking for you to ask you to loan me some cash, or get married to me. My dumb ass went around to all the servants going 'hey, have you seen the scribe's apprentice, he looks just like FitzChivalry Farseer,' and someone filmed me and made a TikTok titled 'tfw you find out your boyfriend is really The Bastard.'”

“Oh,” Fitz cringes.

“Yeah 'oh,'” Molly says. “It has sixteen million views and hashtag Cat-Fitzed is trending on Twitter.”

“It's called X now,” Fitz squeaks. “What about the older, hotter guy I saw you walking off with?“

”That was my cousin,“ Molly snarls. ”Do you think I'd date someone with an earring?“

“Gosh, it's a good thing I don't wear one of those,” Fitz says, polishing his collar.

”Anyway, you're gross and I hate you,“ Molly declares. ”Do not, under any circumstances, continue to attempt to woo me. Goodbye.”

Despite Fitz's best efforts, he continues to have a seizure any time he tries to do anything except have a seizure. Even into the next day, he's still ragdolling like a character in a seventy dollar video game on release day. The Fool appears briefly to catch a glimpse of Fitz in his underwear, but before they can do any real flirting, Lacey and Patience show up again.

“Listen, Prince Dumbass,” Patience says, “you fucked up bigtime letting Molly think she was in your league. She came here thinking you'd grown up in a double-wide same as her, drinking off-brand kool aid and saving butter containers to use as tupperware. When people found out you lied to her, they started calling her a hump-and-dump.”

“But we never even humped,” Fitz objects.

“And it's a good thing, too, because as royalty you're only allowed to hump at the King's pleasure. Princes are not allowed to run around sticking their dick in whoever they want, that's how we ended up with you. You'd just make a bunch more Fitzes, and we don't have enough paid extras anymore to traumatize *all* of those kids.”

“We could drown them,” Lacey suggests, working on a cross-stitch that says 'GALS BEING PALS.'

”They wouldn't be Fitzes if me and miss Molly got married,“ Fitz says. ”I'll just go and do that real quick.“

Patience whacks him in the head with a rolled up newspaper. ”No! You're going to marry whoever the King tells you to marry, and no one else. We learned our lesson with Chivalry: we can never, ever allow you to have any control over your life whatsoever, and that includes caring about anyone other than whoever is wearing a crown that day. Besides, didn't you already sign a contract to do whatever King Shrewd told you to do without question forever?”

“I was nine, I don't really feel like that was binding—”

Patience grabs Fitz by the front of his shirt and jerks him forward. “Do not,” she says, “have sex with Molly. Do NOT have sex with Molly. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MOLLY.”

“No promises,” Fitz shrugs. “Hey, do you have a backstory other than being the ADHD widow of my deadbeat dad?”

Patience runs away crying. As soon as she's gone, Chade shows up. “Hey,” he says gently. “Don't cry. Kettricken's dad roped her into a political marriage and now she's miserable and lonely. That can happen for you, too.”

“This sucks,” Fitz moans.

“Remember not to have sex with Molly,“ Chade says as he crawls back into his wall-hole.

”Whatever. I'm going down into town to find my soulmate.”

Fitz, wearing his slouchiest beanie, his blackest hoodie, and his unhappiest expression of teenaged angst, stomps down the road into Buckkeep town, hands shoved in his pockets. “Stupid Farseers,” he mutters. ”Always hasslin' me and tellin' me what to do. What do they know? Man, nobody understands what it's like to be me.“

*Oh, you you think you got it bad, little bitch boy?*

The entire fandom erupts into cheers and applause as the character in possession of the single teaspoon of sense in the entire series arrives.

Fitz looks up, snarling, and locks eyes with a wolf trapped in a cage labeled 'ESSENTIAL NPC'. The angry little ball of fluff is just one of many wares sold by a dude in a full body fursuit. “Good morrow, emo child,” Fursuit says, oozing greasily forward. “I see you eyeballing that young cub. You know, an animal like that could really be useful if, say, you were a royal Bastard with Doctor Doolittle magic who was sent out to fight zombies a lot.“

”I'll trade you a pack of gum for him,“ Fitz offers.

”He's worth way more than that,“ Fursuit says. ”I went through all the trouble of building a rocketship for his wolf-mother and wolf-siblings so they could return to their home planet.“

*I'll kick your ass! I'll kick everyone's ass! I'll kick my own ass!!*

*'Shut up, I'm negotiating!'*

”A pack of gum AND this cool rock I found,“ Fitz bargains expertly, then kicks Fursuit in the shin, grabs the wolf, and runs off.

Fitz carries Wolfcub back up to Buckkeep, looking forward to the 'wrestling with a wild animal to show dominance' scene, but then realizes that the cub is too weak and tiny to put up a good fight. What was even the point of having a pet wolf if he couldn't have a badass fight with it and then stand shirtless against the sunrise? Also, Fitz has already had two canines in his life bond to him and then have to return to their home planets, and he's kind of tired of that happening.

*'My apartment has a no pets policy, so you're gonna have to stay in the tool shed,'* he tells Wolfcub. *'Don't wit-bond to me.'*

Then, with nothing better to do, he leaves to go do the thing Patience and Chade explicitly told him not to: Have Sex With Molly. ”The fuck is wrong with you lately?“ Burrich asks, some days later while he and Fitz are hanging out at the bar.

Fitz sighs. ”I keep trying to have sex with Molly, but things are always getting in the way of my dick," he says mournfully.

”Mm. Been there,“ Burrich mutters, pulling down his sleeve to cover up his 'PATIENCE CHIVALRY BITTERNESS AND BURRICH 4 EVER' tattoo. ”Which one is Molly?“

”The hot one that kicks people in the nuts.“

”Oh, yeah. Half my age. I like that in a girl,“ Burrich says, and everybody decides to just go with it. ”Here's my advice to you: give up and move on. Get your post-rejection glow up, and your girl will go off to marry someone else.“

”That sounds like it sucks,“ Fitz says doubtfully. “When do I finally get to have sex with her?”

Burrich grins. “That's the neat thing! You don't.”

The next morning, Fitz gets out of bed, takes a big, cleansing breath, then puts his earbuds in and turns on his Montage Song.

“Time for that glow up,” he says really loudly because he can't hear himself over the music.

'Cause baby you're a firework

Fitz wrapping measuring tape around his bicep and frowning;

come on and show 'em what you're worth

running laps around the castle with Wolfcub chasing after him;

make 'em go oh! oh! Oh!

standing on one foot like in Karate Kid while Pat Morita decomposes nearby;

as you you shoot across the sky-ay-ay

Burrich taking away his AXE body spray and shoving him into the shower;

baby you're a firework!

carb-loading at the local Fantasy Pizzeria;

come on and let your colors burst

lifting weights while Wolfcub tries to bite him;

make 'em go oh! oh! Oh!

measuring his bicep again, and nodding in satisfaction.

you're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

“I'm bored,” Kettricken sighs as she and Fitz hang out with Kettricken's entourage. “I wish Verity would get me pregnant.“

”How can you be bored with fifty people constantly offering to play with you?“ Fitz says. ”Also, ew.“

”I could be back home fighting bears and lifting sacks over my head,” Kettricken whines, “but I'm stuck here in Lamesville with these boring losers and my husband is constantly off doing Skill stuff instead of having sex with me. Lady Modesty is constantly suggesting we watch the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice,” she adds, disgusted.

Fitz slaps her. “Your job here isn't to be butch! This castle has been a fucking sausage party for years, and the best person to Girlboss it up is you. That means making moodboards, drinking iced coffees, doing each other's nails and YES, watching the objectively worse version of Pride and Prejudice! Look at Lady Hopeful, she's unironically singing along to 'I Knew You Were Trouble'! Now suck it up, buttercup, and go watch the part where Mr. Darcy confesses his love to Elizabeth!”

“Yes sir,” Kettricken mumbles.

“Bastard, first name The?“ a messenger says as he clips through the wall. ”King Shrewd finally wants to see you.“

Fitz stands up, brushes himself off, and heads up to Grandpa's house...

#rote #royal assassin #ra abridged #fitzchivalry farseer #farseer trilogy abridged

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bittersweetresilience · 5 days

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sunny's favorite asukiess creations

hearth (18,589 words)

Because how do you describe a dream once you wake up, when it’s fleeting and slipping through the cracks in your mind like it’s a sieve? You can barely wrap your lips around the concepts and words before you realize it has slipped through like water, and what lay in your hands is just a pang in your chest? When every moment away from it clouds your mind just a little more, until the memories are threadbare? or: Adrien understands what it means to have a home.

Back when I first met Autumn I was on a reading spree and I saved this fic for last and it just completely stunned me. I remember whipping out a textbox page to annotate for my comment, and that's what kicked off insanely long commenter™ Sunny. No matter what Autumn says! This! Is! My! Favorite! Autumn! Fic! At least until I see the secret one she won't let me see... but no, it will always be special to me.

the secrets we keep (14,661 words)

In the wake of a summer that Adrien never wanted to end, all that he wishes to push away comes back to haunt him when the school years starts again: self-doubt from identities that feel no more real than anything else; ghosts of parents who still talk to him; and most all, a fear that the people he loves will leave him in time, too. however, maybe the person who can relate most to him is the one he's never far from.

The best memories of reading this fic as Autumn wrote it and chatting about it and being teased with every Félix mention and being in love with her mind forever and always... if you've ever liked an asukiess meta post or idea post you'll love this. Combination of all of those beautiful things.

wip i saw as of yesterday

Perhaps premature to put it on this list but I have to include it because it was a taste of AUTUMN ORIGINAL WRITING!!!!!!!! AUTUMN ORIGINAL CHARACTERS!!!!!!!! And theater kid Autumn, too. Autumn could be published... Autumn could do anything... if those fools don't get it I'll start my own Autumn publishing company...

switching shenanigans (1,337 words)

Félix.............. first Autumn Félix.............................

felinette fics

FERAL EXPLODE BOOM DECEASED GRAVE HEADSTONE FIRE HOUSE EMOJIS

The art piece whose WIP inspired a fic out of me which was Autumn and my friendship's origin story... FUCKING NATHALIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I accept this. Such a drop dead gorgeous piece.

The most insane fic ever with the most insane fic art ever... WITNESS!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EEEEEEEEEMOOOOOOOOOOTIOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love how much Autumn loves this piece, every time she reblogs it it makes me happy. Get some horror in this Felinette tonight.

POLAROIDS I LOVE THEM. LOVEYBUG AU WEEK I LOVE YOU

Can you even function after looking at this. They. Shrimping.

HE'S EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This is criminally underrated... Look At Him. HIS FUCKING BUNNY

I ran out of link blocks but I also wanted to share Unrequited. HAMBDS.

AND AUTUMN'S SUPER SECRET LOVEYBUG ZINE WIP

AUTUMN AND HER CLASSICS!!!!!!!!!! AUTUMN AND HER HUMONGOUS BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I worship this. It's all Autumn, I just helped with images.

Okay, I was slightly more involved with this one, but Autumn's contributions literally made it 1 billion times better and I will forever cherish the memory.

Hnwhnfhwnfjgnhsnghsnhsfshwhgwnhgwghgh... Emilie...

autumn's felinette and adrifelinette thoughts

Just in general. I am so lucky.

autumn's friendship

I scrolled through our pinned messages and almost cried laughing...

#🏮#miraculous ladybug #HAPPY... i love autumn asukiess

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twoidiotwriters1 · 5 months

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Daughter of Olympus (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: You get Nico, as a treat-Danny Words: 2,013 Series' Masterlist Previous Chapter / Next Chapter Listen to: 'Out Of My League' -by Fitz and The Tantrums

XXXIX: Fates' First Mistake Was Giving Me a Body, the Second? A Will

"Nico!"

"Ara!" Lily shouts, running after her friend.

Ara's never compared to her in speed, no matter how good she is at other stuff, so Lily reaches Nico way sooner.

"Don't listen to her!"

The boy looks at the girls with confusion. "What happened?"

"She made a fool of herself," Ara pants and supports both hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. "Oh, gods, how can you run uphill like that? You're a cyborg or something?"

"You must be thirsty, Neeks, let's go get you something!" Lily tries to take him away.

"Wait," Nico smirks. "Is this boy-related?"

"Yes!"

Lily glares at Nico with determination. "Yesterday Leo used his shirt to clean his face and Ara was staring so hard she walked straight into a wall!"

"Connor heard Leo calling me sunshine," Ara acts like she didn't hear anything. "And he was making fun of us, so he called Lily 'My sweetheart' as a way to mock Leo, but Lily was drinking coffee—"

"He caught me off guard!"

"She spat it all over Connor!" Ara cackles. "Her face was redder than a strawberry!"

Nico never really laughs, but he enjoys hearing their funny stories, especially if they have to do with how they embarrass themselves in front of the guys they like. Ara and Lily rarely fail at stuff, so he thinks it's fair they suck at this.

"I hate you," Lily tries to seize Ara.

Ara sneaks away giggling, she uses Nico as a shield and he stays out of it. Nico moves forward while the girls chase each other around him until they reach the Big House.

"So you two are in your boy-crazy era?" He asks, sitting on the porch steps.

Ara wrinkles her nose. "Is that what this is?"

Lily blushes. "I'm not boy crazy! My brain works just fine, don't compare me to the Aphrodite!"

"You can judge me all you want, but I have a boyfriend and you can't even take a compliment without gagging."

"Lily's just playing the long game, aren't you?" Nico teases her. "I'm sure she'll tell Connor right before they die, so they can spend eternity together."

Ara snorts and Lily raises one fist as if to punch the boy, but he lifts one finger to stop her.

"Attenta, Saggio," he grins. "Don't wanna anger your patron, right?"

"Let me anger him for you, babe," Ara gets up to punch Nico, but Lily trips her.

"Stay away from each other," Lily warns them. "Now's not only my patron I've got to worry about, Nico. Did you know Leo can summon fire?"

"Leo won't fight my battles," Ara states calmly. "Especially when it comes to Nico. Kicking his ass is the highlight of my weekends."

"Likewise, hobbit."

We have no problem finding the palace, but Lily keeps glancing back at Cerberus longingly.

"It'll take a while for him to get in," I say, unable to utter Mike's name out loud. "We still have time."

Nico's sulking on the front steps of the palace, and as soon as he sees us he runs up to us. "How—"

I roughly seize him by the jacket. He's taller than me, but I'm too angry to care. "You backstabbing piece of—"

"Let go of me!" He snarls.

"Ara," Lily urges me, looking at the skeletons rushing forward to get us.

I toss Nico to the ground. "Call your father," I point at the dead guards. "And tell them to back off."

Hades agrees to see us, mostly because he's super insulted by my audacity.

"I can't expect you to give up the fight, Lily Saggio," he says. "But I thought you knew better than to bring a Jackson to my palace."

Lily keeps her head down. "She's not here to offend you, my lord."

"No, of course not," he says with a hint of mockery. "An Aphrodite is no challenge for a god, and even if she's Perseus Jackson's sister, I'd like to think she's not as stupid."

"Lord Hades," I get on one knee in front of him. "If you let me, I'll explain why I'm here."

"And why would I care about that?" He asks.

"I know you won't fight if you're not promised respect, recognition worthy of your sacrifice," I glance at Nico without lifting my gaze, "and a place for your children amongst the rest of us."

"A charmspeaker, aren't you?" He points out sharply.

I go straight to my point. "I think can help, my lord."

"You think?" He presses.

I'm not sounding like I want to. Michael believed in me the most, and I'm not an expert at looking confident. Without him, I have no one to speak for me, so if I only have myself, I can't guess, I have to get things done.

"I'll give you what you want," I look up at the god. "If you accept my offer."

He laughs, but he doesn't throw me out of the palace, so I can still convince him. "What can you offer to a God that he can't get himself?"

"A daughter of Olympus."

His eyes flash greedily, but he isn't convinced. "Children of Olympus can't favor a god above others, Jackson."

"If the god favors them beforehand," I reply. "They can."

"You're asking for my blessing?"

"Something of heavier meaning. Show faith in me, obliging to my request."

He takes a heavy breath. "And what would that request be?"

"Fight with us," I look at Nico. "I'll make sure your son has a place in our camp, and you'll get to be one of the gods that didn't turn his back on us, you could be the first patron of the first daughter of Olympus."

He ponders this, looking me up and down. "Do you even know how to use a sword?"

I pull Almighty out of my pocket and show her off, now I have his full attention. "I've been trained, yes."

"Pantodýnamos," Hades's grip on the throne tightens, he leans forward, staring at my sword in awe. "How..?"

"The fates chose me," I continue confidently. "Will you?"

He fixes his posture and glances back at Lily and Nico. "I've heard enough."

"Thank you," I smiled politely, bowing to him. "I'll know you accepted if you show up to fight."

He mutters some stuff as we walk out of the palace.

"That's what you were trying to do?" The boy inquires as soon as his father is out of sight. "I thought—"

"That I was going after Achilles's curse," I glance at him with annoyance. "That should teach you— When I ask you to do something, just do what I tell you."

He scowls at me. "I did what I thought you wanted—"

"You did what you thought would make you look better," I stop to face him. "You don't fool me, Nico Di Angelo. I know you're not a bad person, but you're very stupid if you think I'll ever forget this. I don't trust you, and Percy never will."

He reaches for his sword, but Lily yanks me onwards. "Let's go back now, or they'll realize we're missing," she says. "And I wanna sleep before our next fight."

I know we have a few hours left before we could be at risk of getting caught. Annabeth is injured and Percy's probably still sleeping—the only person who would've noticed our absence fast enough would've been Mike, but he's gone, and that's given us a type of freedom we never asked for.

"You want to be a hero?" I press, still glaring at Nico. "Convince your father, then maybe Percy will reconsider."

I'm being an ass for manipulating Nico like this, but I never said I'm not like the other charmers in my family. Also, I'm a matchmaker, and that works in more ways than just romantically.

Hades is a good match for my ambitions, and Nico's a good match for the cause. I'm merely working with what the fates laid down for me. I can only hope...

No. I believe this is enough.

Ara's studying a map in the rec room when Leo finally finds her. She feels him before she sees him, he wraps an arm around her shoulders and kisses her cheek. "I've got something for you."

Ara glances up at him a little distracted. "What is it?"

"Two things," he pulls something out of his tool belt. "Here's a snack so you stay motivated for the rest of the month!"

Ara looks down and laughs. Leo is holding a stack of photographs of him in various places of camp. He made an effort to look ridiculous in every single one of them.

"What is this?" She asks, looking through them.

"I can't Iris message you every hour of the day, so these will have to do."

"How thoughtful of you!" Ara replies, half-amused and half-bashful. "Who took this?"

"The Stolls. Piper helped with the costumes, though."

"They're great," she puts them in her pocket. "I'll put them up on my ceiling back in New York, so you're the first thing I see when I wake up."

"Damn, you love me too much," He jokes, squeezing her shoulders.

"What's the other thing you wanted to show me?"

"Right! Look at this!"

He steps away to pull a larger item from his belt: It looks like an ancient scroll, but when he rolls it open a projection starts playing on it. Ara gasps and picks it up.

"What!" She watches as a tiny projection of Leo walks around the bunker giving the viewer a tour. "How did you make this?"

"I'm very smart," he grins. "You like it?"

"This is so cool!"

Leo starts glowing, he's comfortable with her praising nowadays, though it still makes him slightly dizzy.

"Last weekend you couldn't come cause you had a pile of homework, so I thought I could send you this with a weekly report. Everyone can record a short message for you, so you know everything that's going on around here while you're away."

Ara beams at the idea. "That's awesome. Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he pinches her chin as a brief affectionate gesture. "It's the least I can do to help my stunning girlfriend."

"True," Ara nods solemnly. "That, and sharing your full name with me."

He snorts. "Nice try."

"Leo!"

"Pretty close. It's Leobard."

"Liar."

He laughs. "Are you sure?"

"Why are you torturing me with this?" She scowls.

"You don't need to know my full name, sunshine," Leo brushes it off. "Cause the only way you're allowed to address me is either by a cute nickname like 'Baby' or 'Honey', and plain Leo when you're in General mode. See? Easy."

"I'm not calling you any sweet names unless you tell me your full name!"

"I can live with that," he taunts her. "Can you live with the doubt?"

Ara groans. "C'mon! It can't be ugly."

"It's not that I hate it," Leo grins. "I just like to give out different names when people ask me, and if you go around shouting my name then the joke dies."

"I promise not to call you that in front of the others," Ara pouts. "Pleeeease?"

Leo frowns. "Hey! Not fair, don't look at me like that!"

Ara gives him the most pitiful look she can, placing her arms around his neck and leaning closer. "If you tell me your name," she continues quietly. "I promise to call you ridiculously long fake names in front of everyone else."

The boy sighs, shaking his head a little. "You know the way to my heart..."

"Being real for a moment," Ara says, smoothing out the front of his shirt. "Why can't I know?"

Leo's eyes brighten with amusement, he holds her face and kisses her briefly. "Well, I already dropped the L bomb and took you on a picnic date on the beach, I'm running out of options to keep you interested, and my name is the only thing I've got left!"

Ara laughs, pulling him closer. "You know... next month is Valentine's Day, we can convince Chiron to let you visit the city that weekend?"

Leo hums, half-listening. His brain gets all fuzzy when Ara stands this close to him. "Could be fun..."

"We can go to the movies and you can meet my parents!"

"Movies and parents," His eyes regain focus and they grow worried. "Parents?"

Ara kisses him again. "And if everything goes as planned, then maybe you won't need to keep me on my toes, and I'll know your full name."

"Are you sure you want me to meet your parents?" He asks anxiously.

She nods, eyes bright with affection. "You'll love them."

He makes a face. "That's not the part I'm worried about."

Next Chapter ->

Taglist.

@siriuslysirius1107 @ask-giggles1303 @ash-the-hoarder @im-planning-something-look @bandshirts-andbooks @coolninjapaper @thewaterlily @whenisthefall @1randomcomic @you-bloody-shank @sunflowergraves @owlalex44 @taylordaughter @typicalsolangelolover @writingmia @espressopatronum454 @slytherinnqueen @orbitingpolaris @obxstiles

#twoidiots writing #pjo fanfic #pjo hoo toa #pjo fandom #percy jackson and the olympians #leo valdez x oc #leo valdez fanfic #doo

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venndaai · 5 months

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overall thoughts after finishing Assassin's Quest:

this was definitely the most fun book in the trilogy. which is so funny, because it's the book where everyone is going through the worst time of their lives and their world is being destroyed, but this is the first book where Hobb actually shows nice and fun moments happening as well, so it feels like a huge relief after the depressing downward grind of the first two.

I really appreciated how much further this book stepped out into subverting the fantasy tropes it's working with. Nighteyes having a full life and perspective outside of being an Animal Sidekick; the dragons not being Real Dragons; Fitz not killing his nemeses in the end; using Regal's public image rather than triumphantly destroying it; Fitz being kind of Just Some Guy who's only part of Prophecy because he's in the right place at the right time; the reveal that the Red Ship Raiders weren't dehumanized pure evil barbarians but regular humans caught in the cycle of war/violence.

I liked the grim ending. It definitely left me sad and wanting more for Fitz- he felt so incomplete, like, he identified all the ways his life was deeply fucked and he stepped away from all of it, but then he just froze in his trauma and depression instead of growing past it (and accepting his true love and happiness with the Fool...) But it did feel open-ended, too. Yes, Fitz has been trapped with his grief for a decade(I think that's how long it's been?), but there's every chance the Fool will come back and life will eventually resume.

"I think I will always miss him" is going into the Words That Will Haunt Me Forever brain section, thanks Hobb

seriously though it's still driving me insane how clearly the Fool is the True Love Interest of this book, with Molly and Starling as the false LIs. Gjkkjkfgkkfjgs

SOOOOO excited to start Liveship Traders now!!! MAGIC BOATS and PIRATES and the interesting parts of the map and Women! I have so much Amber fanart saved in my drafts...

#rote blogging

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risoria · 8 months

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how do you search for period fashion for rote fanart? i want to make fanart but i feel lost on what period the stories are and what to search for good references

hello, and sorry for answering so late! honestly, i dont really search for anything in particular when making rote art, except for some pose refs etc, so i generally make up the clothing on the spot… that being said of course i brainstorm these outfits off of ~vibes and details of inspiration that i already have in my brain from liking to look at inspiring costumes or crafts and art, so you build your own little ”gallery” of inspiration if you will….. but unless its to draw a very specific item of clothing i dont actively go looking for stuff. what im trying to say is that i’m not the best person to ask this of BUT, some things i do:

im sure theres a LOT of neat historical fashion books out there, i’m bad with actually reading them but ive leafed through the one called ”the chronicle of western costume” by john peacock just because i really enjoy seeing the Silhouettes that different costumes make, and how theyre so different in different eras - simple shapes are always fun to play around with. to give an example (img from google because my book is at home… and also in german which i cant read. this looks like…. norwegian maybe? i just noticed…)

bear in mind this is just one (1) book though, like i said i’m bad with reading but it would be fun to check out historical clothing from all corners of the world!

the other thing is to just… scroll around pinterest, simply because if you see a nice picture there will be so many more of a similar thing, so you get a general vibe. costumes from movies etc are always nice but generally not necessarily historically accurate though, but personally thats not a thing i mind for fantasy fanart!! i like to mix and match and also make stuff up…

just some general screenshots as examples:

so, sorry i cant be of more help but i hope it helps a tiny bit!!! honestly the thing with looking through books etc like that is most of all that it gives at least me that feeling of ”ooh pretty clothes….. i want to Draw,” so you get inspired to

also lastly, it makes me very glad to hear new people want to make fanart of these books, i’m unfortunately not very active anymore but from time to time i go in the tags or just look at old art and its so comforting and nice you know, like coming home after a long while…. just like……. how in the books fitz feels that homely feeling when the fool comes back etc, what if the real rote were the fandom we made all along etc etc

#answers

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divine529 · 5 days

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Realm of the Elderlings Ask Meme Thing

I was tagged by @tragediegh! Thanks so much! I haven't seen this one floating around in a long time!

Favorite Rote Book: It changes fairly often, but currently "Fool's Errand".

Why: It's the least harrowing Fitz book (yes I know he's pulled out of his quiet life and back into the fray of politics and intrigue and it comes at a great cost to one of his nearest and dearest). I just love how quiet it is, Fitz and the Fool's dynamic is top tier and Fitz is in an interesting place as a character and it has some of my favorite scenes and quotes in it. It reads like a romantic comedy in some ways. There's just so much to love about it.

Top Three Favorite Characters: This is a tough one! There are so many characters I love (it might be fun to do by Fitz books, LST and RWC honestly), but the ones who live in my brain rent free most days are always The Fool (all of their facets), Nighteyes and Fitz.

Top Three Least Favorite Characters: To say I agonized over this question for a long time would be an understatement. Hobb has such an incredible ability to write compelling dislikeable characters to the point where everyone adds something to the story even if you hate them. There are plenty of characters I find irritating though, but do I actually dislike them? No. There are only two characters I truly hate and the third I'm mentioning I just feel very apathetic about for the most part. I truly dislike/hate Kyle and Hest, and the third is Bee. I don't hate her, but I don't love her.

Favorite Ship (of the floating kind): Paragon, but I also love Ophelia.

Top Three Favorite Ships (of the people kind): I love so many ships both canon and non-canon and it also changes (except for Fitz x Fool, they're always a constant). Fitz x Fool are my everything always, Alise x Leftrin and Malta x Reyn (but shout-outs to Patience x Lacey, Burrich x Chivalry, Brashen x Althea, Malta x Nettle and Carson x Sedric too.). Truly I love how shippable RotE is across the board and the complexity of all of the relationships, issues and all.

Would you rather be Witted or Skilled? Honestly I see the benefits of both and if I could have both, I would pick that, but since I have to pick one, I'll pick Witted.

If you were Witted, what animal would you bond with? That depends on where I was living. If I was by the sea, dolphin, if I was on land a dog of some kind or a wolf possibly or a red-tailed hawk or possibly a horse and most likely a Friesan. But being realistic, some kind of canine.

Would you rather live in the Outislands, the Mountain Kingdom, the Six Duchies, Bingtown, The Rain Wilds, Kelsingra, Jamaillia, The Pirate Isles, or the Fool's Homeland? Another tough one! Probably either Bingtown or the Fool's Homeland (Mercenia I believe?). Realistically, I'd be a nomad and hop from place to place because they all interest me.

How were you introduced to the books? A close friend of mine from college read them and I was in one of those places where I looked at my shelves and nothing looked appealing, asked her for some recommendations and RotE was one of the series on the list (she didn't tell me it was 16 books at first) and I started it and the rest is more or less history.

Share a quote you love: Should I show you the tabs on my books? There are so many quotes I love, but I'll pick one or two.

'History is no more fixed and dead than the future. The past is no further away than the last breath you took.' Fool's Errand

"Don’t do what you can’t undo, until you’ve considered what you can’t do once you’ve done it." Assassin's Apprentice

"Leave the pain behind and let your life be your own again. There is a place where all time is now, and the choices are simple and always your own. Wolves have no kings" Royal Assassin

And so many more, but those came to mind first.

Tagging: I have no idea who has done this or who wants to do it, but if you love RotE, and you see this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

#realm of the elderlings #rote #books #asks #my musings

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renee-writer · 25 days

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A Rescue Chapter 7

AO3

Ned rang her. She came storming into the building like she owned it.

The man running the front desk stops her. “You cannot just go wherever you please ma’am. This is a copper’s station.”

She lets a frustrated breath out. “Aye, where my numpty wee brother finds himself.”

He understands then. Still, he can’t just let her pass. “What is your brother ‘s name?”

“James Fraser.”

When she is finally in the room with him, she doesn’t know whether to hit him or hug him.

“Ye bloody fool! How did you get yourself here!”

Ned told her the basics of it when he rang. The details she wants from him.

“I couldn’t save mam from her abuser so…”

“Sae, ye go and rescue this stranger at the expense of yer own freedom!”

“I didn’t mean to kill him!” He starts to sob. Jenny draws him into her arms.

After a good weep, he settles down and tells her all. Meanwhile, Claire is doing the same with Mary MacNab.

She has kind eyes, that is the first thing Claire notices about her. Fairly plain otherwise, her eyes stand out.

“I am Mary MacNab and I am hear to listen,” She takes a seat across from her, “it doesn’t have to be about today. You can discuss your childhood, or last week, last month. Whatever you wish.”

Claire nods. After a minute, she says, “It started on our honeymoon.”

At the same time, John and Mary head down to speak to the Pathologist, a Glenda Fitz.

“A strange case, this one,” she shakes her head as she pulls up the chart, “never in my twenty years have I seen a person die from a punch in the nose. I know that certain soldiers are trained to be able to do it. Certain angles press that bone into the brain itself.”

“Is that what happened here?”

“No John. His nose was broken but in the standard way. Not in a way that should have caused death.”

“Any idea what did?” Mary asks.

“Not yet. Still waiting on some tests. I imagine the bloke had a preexisting condition that made him vulnerable to just the right hit.”

#my writing #outlander fanfic #a rescue #chapter 7 #jamie and claire #outlander fandom #cannon divergence #modern au

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creatureofsunandsky · 11 months

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-Assassin's Quest, Robin Hobb

-The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller

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johaerys-writes · 5 months

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I ADORE your writing! Do you have any book recs? 💗

THANK YOU!!! I do have some book recs, and I'm going to separate them in two categories: a) all time faves (aka books that rewired my brain), and b) my fave books I read this year.

All Time Faves

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: if you follow me for my patrochilles writing, then you already know I love this book 😅 It literally altered my brain chemistry when I read it and I have never been the same.

RotE: short for The Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb, it's like 16 books long and I recommend each one. Fitz is my pathetic little meow meow and the Fool is one of my favourite characters of all time. Read at your own peril LOL

Earthsea and Lavinia by Ursula K Le Guin: I'm on a quest to read everything Le Guin has written because her writing is just *chef's kiss*. I adore her prose and the way climaxes and conflict are handled, and I love the worldbuilding. Her Earthsea stories are just so wonderful and poignant, I particularly love the Tombs of Atuan and Tehanu. The latter is permanently on my reread roster, I read it once a year towards the end of the year when I start feeling blue because it's just so comforting. And I have to include my favourite quote:

"You are beautiful," Tenar said in a different tone. "Listen to me, Therru. Come here. You have scars, ugly scars, because an ugly, evil thing was done to you. People see the scars. But they see you, too, and you aren't the scars. You aren't ugly. You aren't evil. You are Therru, and beautiful. You are Therru who can work, and walk, and run, and dance, beautifully, in a red dress."

Please read it you won't regret it 😭🙏🙏

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte: another long time favourite and one I reread at least once a year. It’s just one of the best books ever written (sorry I don't make the rules). I'm not sure if that is where my love of childhood friends to toxic, copedepent lovers and of unhinged, violent men in fiction came from but it sure contributed to it LMAO. I don’t consider it a romance book but I do adore the way it handles love and romance, among other things. It's just so bleak and cynical but also highly comedic in places and I could talk about it forever. TL;DR please read it haha.

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong: I didn’t like this book very much when I first started it but it had become a favourite by the time I finished it. I've reread it several times (I think just this year I've read it twice), it's just so heartbreaking and beautiful.

Fave books I read this year:

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat: technically I finished the trilogy end of last year but I still think about it a lot. It's very well written and imo the perfect balance of angst, plot, intrigue and horniness.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik: I read it earlier this year and I literally can't stop thinking about it lol. It’s SO well written and very immersive and even though the plot itself isn't like... comforting, it felt like a great comfort to read it. Ever since I finished it, every time I start a new book I'm like "gah I wish I could read it for the first time again" haha. I'm going to be rereading it for Christmas I think!

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells: another series I enjoyed a lot this year! I listened to the audiobooks and the VA is just so good, he's Murderbot in my mind lol. I should probably reread the last few books because my attention span was awful while I was listening to them, but overall they're very entertaining but also touch upon important issues in a really interesting way.

She Who Became The Sun by Shelly Parker-Chan: I really enjoyed this book, the plot, characters and worldbuilding was very interesting and I absolutely love the way that gender queerness and "otherness" was explored. I am eagerly awaiting the next book 👀

Villains series by V.E. Schwab: a highly entertaining read, I was pleasantly surpised by how much I enjoyed this. I love me a close friends to sworn enemies story, especially when they are obsessed with each other in as homosexual a way as these two LMAO. The supporting characters were also very well written which isn't easy to find in stories with such a busy cast. Once again, eagerly awaiting the next book!

#johaerys answers #book recs #i've been in a reading rut lately but really want to change that lol

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soggypotatoes · 1 month

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this morning I got really upset while going to the dentist, bc I lost my earbuds so I had no distraction.. for some reason I ended up stuck in 2018 getting angry at people for things that happened then..

the dentist was insane, over an hour and anaesthetic doesn't work well on me (red head genes 🙄) so even with way more than the usual dose it still hurt.. but my dentist is so wonderful I really really like her.. a few years back I decided to see the dentist twice a year religiously, bc I was terrified of the dentist and had panic attacks literally every time. I did it because I knew I needed to recover from that fear, esp when I don't always brush my teeth. it's worked really well, honestly.. it was a nightmare today but I managed to cope with it pretty well, when before the dentist I was so mad I was whacking my wrists against brick walls to drown out the feelings lol

then went to therapy and allowed myself to get mad at the things that went on in 2018. and realised that Fitz and bees relationship in fools assassin is low-key triggering, bc there are weird parallels for me. but I really love it, I think this book will be extremely special to me once I move through the triggers. it was good to feel angry with someone holding it with me. takes a long time to trust someone like that.

I *have* gone and taken way too much ritalin way too late, bc I have the impulse of 'i wanna read' and forget that ritalin will only help me read if my brain is in a state where it wants to read.. and not tired from all the shit it went through. I meditated twenty minutes for the first time!! which is amazing, I remember when 3 minutes was a struggle. I'd hoped it would help me focus, it didn't, but it was good still.

I think I rly need to learn that as much as I crave focus, all the time, sometimes I really do just need to relax and go to sleep. I think it'll be a long time before I learn that lesson

#ed will drink energy drink take 3 ritalin crush up more ritalin and snort it before considering that maybe her body wants to rest #ed mumbles #you didnt read that. im a normal prescribed medication user who does not struggle with addiction at all.#dont tell my psychiatrist #man i would kill to have a brain that knows how to focus

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fratpackhasmeinachokehold · 11 months

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I'm loving the new coterie and all but any time they hang out I can't help but think of how much cooler it would be with the Fool involved. But honestly I just think it's my brain wanting more Fitz and Fool interactions after the deprivation I got after The Quarrel™

#realm of the elderlings #rote #robin hobb #tawny man trilogy #fitzchivalry farseer #the fool #fitzloved #rote readthrough #fools fate

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fortheboyzzz · 2 years

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Being a Himbo and Dating Jemma Simmons Would Include...

Being the stud of the team.

Her practically drooling over you ever since she saw you.

Like the one time her and Skye just blatantly watched you while you stood shirtless in the kitchen and drank orange juice straight from the container.

"Can you believe this guy? This is completely unhygienic!" Fitz said as he walked in to the room.

"Shh." Simmons raised a finger to him as she continued to ogle.

Her brain short circuiting whenever she first talked to you.

You saving her during a mission when she fell off a building and you caught her.

Then immediately asking her out for drinks

Which seemed like inappropriate timing but she enthusiastically said yes.

Her nerves easing up after you start dating.

You listening to her long rambles even though you zoned out two sentences in just because you like her accent.

You two being the worst pairing when going undercover.

Due to her being a terrible liar and espionage not being your strongest suit.

Fitz needing time to adjust to you being in the lab all the time.

Especially when your hands all over her his gadgets.

"That's not a toy, it took me two years to perfect that thing! Put it down now!"

Her having to intervene when the couple of times Fitz tried to use you as a guinea pig.

"Fitz what have I told you about use Y/N as a guinea pig!!"

"What? He's the perfect candidate."

You using brute force to break into somewhere while she tries to take the other route and tries to hack and disarm the system.

Simmons patching up when you get back from a mission and giving a kiss on the forehead each time.

Her always redirecting your attention back to the missions.

"Anyone wanna go out to eat after this?" you said one time on a stealth mission.

"Y/N, sweetie, please stay focus on getting that hard drive" Simmons said.

"I think I say this Mexican place somewhere near here."

"Skye, not helping!"

Simmons getting you to move stuff she could easily pick up herself just as an excuse to watch you use your muscles.

You teaching her some combat.

And in return her teaching you how to use some of the gadgets in the lab.

You trying your best to be her assistant when Fitz isn't around.

You basically having your arms wrapped around her waist 24/7.

You two basically being g the most wholesome couple on the team.

nsfw

Her loving when you pick her up and carry her to bed.

You guys almost getting caught fooling around in the lab and trying to play it off cool.

Her falling asleep on your chest after you have sex.

Turning her on every time you take off your shirt even if it's not intentional.

#headcanons #simmons x male reader #jemma simmons imagine #agents of shield #marvel #fluff

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isehne · 4 months

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i finished the farseer trilogy last night and i loved it SO MUCH. i love you Fitz and the Fool and Nighteyes and Patience and Kettricken and Verity and Kettle and. I really loved it

rambles under the cut (mostly about assassin's quest)

Overall

Assassin's Apprentice was my favourite overall, but the second half of Assassin's Quest was my favourite experience. I read it so obsessively and went through so many feelings, it was such a great experience

Hobb is SO GOOD at character writing, however her villain's were a bit flat in the first 2 books but reaaaally picked up in Assassin's Quest. Regal had been very unnoteworthy to me but Assassin's Quest made me enjoy him as a character and villain. Her writing for minor character's is so good too, like Cook Sara, Small Ferret, Rurisk.

I love you the Fitz and the Fool (relationship written for me, I became entirely obsessed with them starting with their reunion), Nighteyes (pack!!), Patience (she is SO autistic. Love her very very much), Kettle, Kettricken, Verity.

Chivalry/Patience/Burrich. That's all (actually not all, Burrich wanted to take Fitz to Chivalry and Patience wanted to come back for him. They could have been a family and how would that have changed things?)

Assassin's Apprentice

Fitz’ bond with Nosey forming read as naturally to me as it happened to him. That felt magical to read.

The first note I wrote on Storygraph was 'I have only had Patience for 2 chapters and I love her'. I really did love her.

I gave it 5 stars but I didn't write much because I wasn't entirely hyperfixated yet.. so that's it.

Royal Assassin

My least favourite (but I still enjoyed!), I loved every aspect of it except Fitz and Molly's relationship which kind of ruined this book for me in the moment. However, I forgive it now because Kettle confirmed my thoughts that they didn't love each other but the idea of each other and a relationship. I felt SO validated when she said that you have no idea. My initial ramble about them: 'their relationship annoyed me so much and i hate that it ruined the book and characters, the flip flopping was so irritating, they did not feel in love, they felt like they thought they wanted to be in love. in the 3rd book they still don’t feel in love, they want the comfort of each other. they remind me of guts and casca’s relationship but more extreme'

Honestly the fact Fitz was a teenager in this one was probably what made him more difficult to read. In the first he's mostly a child, in the last he's mostly an adult.

It was SOO obvious Rosemary was a spy. And that the coterie was Regals. And that Molly was going to get pregnant.

I gave it 3.5 stars sorry Ms Hobb.

Assassin's Quest

As you can probably see this is where my brain got intense over this series lmao.

The second half I absolutely adored and went crazy over, the first half I enjoyed a lot but it really did nooot have to be so drawn out. I was going to give it 4.5 because of the unnecessarily slow first half but in the end I loved the whole experience so much I gave it 5 stars.

Then again, I think the very long anticipation of him going to Verity and the Fool and Kettricken made it even better when it finally happened. It was very very good.

Nighteyes and Fitz' separation and Nighteyes learning a life of his own was so needed and really improved their bond. It hadn't felt so natural as with Nosey to me until they came back together. They felt complete again when they reunited and the story did too.

TO SEE YOU TAKE BREATH PUTS THE BREATH BACK IN MY LUNGS. IF THERE MUST BE ANOTHER MY FATE IS TWINED AROUND, I AM GLAD IT IS YOU.

Fitz and Nighteyes being accepted by their pack and free to be themselves… The relationship between the pack was so beautiful I cried over it several times. I love them... I knew Kettle would die but I hoped the others could stay pack but Kettricken is queen now. I know the Fool will at least return to them. The easy acceptance and domesticity, trust and safety between Fitz, the Fool and Nighteyes I absolutely loved so much from the start.

Very much enjoyed how worried and desperate Fitz was about the Fool when he was ill :) He even said if he couldn't keep going neither would he?? Despite Verity's call and the desire to get to Molly and Nettle??

The Fools thoughts on gender and sexuality. I love him very much.

From the rooster crown vision/memory, are the White Prophet and the Catalyst reincarnations…? I know they are soulmates but if they are also reincarnations who find each other in every life I'll lose it. (Also their skill fingertips/fingerprints…. soulmate marks)

The Elderling/dragon (still not entirely sure if all Elderlings are the dragons or they were an older race who also made dragons) lore and the dragon building and the city are SO COOL. I assume/very much hope we will learn more about them.

Kettricken named their son Sacrifice.

The joining between Fitz and the Fool and Nighteyes was stunning, I love them so much.

I can never trust my reading on relationships again because I entirely thought Burrich saw Nettle as his granddaughter and Molly as his daughter-in-law and she saw things the same way. I'm still losing my mind over this (negative).

I got so excited over them awakening all the dragons and the dragons being pack and!! They did it!!

Did the Fool cry when Girl on a Dragon dropped him off because he wanted to go back to Fitz. And Fitz hoping he wears the earring….. I need them all back together.

Honestly I probably cheered hardest for Small Ferret, even though in the end I actually felt badly for Regal and Assassin's Quest made me like him as a character and villain.

Verity went through so much and tried so hard.. Fitz too.. but Verity was more alone than Fitz I think. And Kettricken. I hope she will have friends at Buckkeep. Those 3 are so brave they never quit. I'm so glad for them that they won.

I loved this series!!!!!!!!!!!!

#farseer trilogy spoilers under cut #lou reads rote #im very AAA over this series #i must avoid the tags for fear of wider rote spoilers.. i already know a certain couple of characters fates thanks to the wiki..#see you in like a year after i read the whole series fandom #now i try to take a break bc i want to get some other stuff done... but ship of magic calls to me....#i loved this series :)

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