#god cant believe its fucking june already

[zackcollins]

Bombs Away! || CWS vs TOR || 06/01/22

#jays lb #god cant believe its fucking june already #also cant believe these morons accosted me while i was writing #i wasnt really wanting to gif anything tonight #but these fools gave me no choice #so you guys get to enjoy this because of their tomfoolery #so i hope you do enjoy #<3 #lourdes gurriel jr #teoscar hernández #toronto blue jays #baseball #mlb #major league baseball #mlb regular season 2022 #not hockey #not mash #r.t. makes gifs #r.t. posts gifs #baseball gifs #baseball gif #sports gifs #sports gif #gifs #gif #robin talks

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (6) (REMAKE) -- ive been procrastinating a lot this yr so i guess we're back on track with hs + y/i

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: are ig comments even warnings anymore 😭-- and there will be new uses of face claims.

celebnews

liked by username, and 12,348 others

celebnews YN LN spotted in Glasgow, UK for upcoming first collaboration tour with Harry Styles.

view all 1,754 comments

username my girl looks so majestic i cant

username im hyperventilating just at the thought of her someone help me

username YNRRY IS BACK BABYYYYYYYY

username i havent moved on from her last tour now shes back. AND WITH HARRY TOO.

username IM SO EXCITED I CAN BARELY SLEEP

username ive gotten my tickets. IVE GOTTEN MY TICKETS.

username im so not jumping, blushing, twirling my hair at the sight of her rn

username THE WAY I WOULDNT MOVE ON ONCE I SEE YNRRY ON STAGE

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, lukehemmings, dannyramirez, and 2,165,410 others

yourinstagram pov: im so fucking nervous i can barely stand still so heres a pic

view all 26,122 comments

tchalamet YOU GOT THIS GIRLIE

username IM SO SAD I JSUT LEFT GLASGOW 😭

username IM SO SORRY FOR YOU OMG

anthonymackie Super disappointed in ourselves because we can't see you on your first ever collaboration tour. You're growing up, young lady. Don't you forget about us.

username "young lady' EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP

username i love them sm my heartjsheufs

yourinstagram will do mr. mackie! make sure to stop by next time :))

username already feeling like im abt to pass out and i havent seen them yet

username IM ALREADY CRYING HELPESIFGS

madelyncline SO SAD I WONT BE THERE BUT I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU TWO

yourinstagram u dk how much i want you to be here rn ;((

iheartynrry

liked by username, and 14,352 others

view all 3,183 comments

username WHEN SHE TOOK OFF HER JACKET I ALMOST FELL ON THE FLOOR

username holy shit holy shit holy shit am i still breathing

username THEY NEVER LOST THE CHEMISTRY I LOVE THEMS KNKCUCGC

username so fucking proud to say i was there. i was in the first show of hs + y/i.

username SO MCUH WAS HAPPENING

username THEY WERE GOSSIPING THE FUCK OUT ON THE STAGE LMFAO

username THE FLAG, THE SMILES, THE OUTFITS HARRY, YN, THE SHOW, I FEEL SO HAPPY

username i loved the moments where they were trying to communicate but the crowd was too loud

username TO THE POINT I THINK I SAW TEARS IN THEIR EYES

harryxyn

liked by username, and 3,391 others

harryxyn no explanations needed. just tears

view all 260 comments

username FOR FUCKING REAL. I COULDNT STOP BAWLING MY EYES OUT

username WHEN WHEN WHEN MATILDA PLAYED I JSUT

username i couldnt believe i was even there omg i thought it was all a dream

username my life is complete.

username THIS MIGHT BE THE ONLY CHANCE WE GET TO SEE 1D AGAIN?

username 2/6 :(

username DONT DO THIS TO ME

username i cant stop rewatching the videos i recorded :(((((( i already miss them sm

username i cant MOVE ON

harrystyles

liked by vicdeangelis, yourinstagram, letitawright, and 4,902,514 others

harrystyles I am so proud of my girl who I call a sister from another mister. She doesn’t have any idea how much she means to me. You are loved, YN LN. (By me which who loves you the most.) You deserve the world. Thank you for being there always. It’s always us against the world.

HS + Y/I. Glasgow. June, 2022.

view all 56,625 comments

username WHAT WHATE ANZTDGSHJSHDHEHE

username “its always us against the world” I CANT BREATHE IM IN TEARS

username IVE BEEN REREADING THIS FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES. NEVER HAVE I THOUGHT ID GET TO SEE HARRY POST THIS FOR YN

username 😭😭😭😭😭

username MY LIFE FEELS SO MUCH BETTER AFTER IVE READ ALL OF THIS

username OH MY FUCKING GOD

username TEARS WONT STOP ESCAPING

username SISTER FROM ANOTHER MISTER SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE IM ABOUT TO PASS OUT

username two words. in. tears.

yourinstagram

liked by sukiwaterhouse, chrisevans, anyataylorjoy, and 4,827,944 others

yourinstagram should i even explain? this idiot has been with me for as long as i remember. god, i can’t even remember when i agreed to go on tour with him (kidding, kidding). you are the most talented, funniest, hell, i even have to say handsome person to feed your ego. you are one of the best people to have happened in my life. it’s always us against the world.

thank you glasgow for being our first ever crowd for hs + y/i — its great to be back again! ❤

view all 47,319 comments

username IM IN ACTUAL TEARS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

username i have no words to say anymore this is so sweet

username oh??? my??? god??? ive missed them so much i didnt realise it

imsebastianstan She’s been crying about his message the whole time we’ve been drinking.

username THIS ISNT HELPING

username EVERYONES CRYING, IM CRYING, YNS CRYING, I BET EVEN HARRYS CRYING

username IM FEELING SO MANY EMOTIONS I CANT EVEN START WITH WHAT IM FEELING RN

username i will literally have “its always is against the world” tattooed on me soon

mitchrowland

liked by anthonypham, annetwist, dovecameron, and 427,314 others

mitchrowland Don’t be fooled by the internet, kids. These two have been searching up ways to steal my guitar without me noticing for the past hour.

view all 16,398 comments

username AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS WHOLESOME YNRRY CONTENT

username it is wdym

username ‼protect mitch rowland from ynrry‼

username now this is what we call bonding

username THIS BRINGS ME BACK WHEN THEY WERE DOING THE SAME THING TO NIALL OH MY GOD

yourinstagram shush youre spoiling our plan

username the way id help them username

ynrry world domination

username PROTECT MITCH ROWLAND

yourinstagram no thanks

username thank you for this update mitch

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, bellahadid, jefezoff, and 2,466,012 others

harrystyles Girls can kiss now.

view all 31,175 comments

username my fav girl with my fav book

username does this mean something…

username yn are you kissing other girls that arent me >:(

yourinstagram im sorry...i can explain

username if girls can kiss now… im free…

username THE. THOUGHT. OF. YNRRY. READING. A. BOOK. TOGETHER.

username theyve never read a book seriously beforehrdgd this post means sm to me now

username my day has been so much better since this photo

username EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PHOTO MY GODDDDD: THE HAIR. THE BOOK. THE BRACELET. HARRY TAKING THIS PHOTO JSUT MAKES MEMEMEMEMD

username MY WOMANNNN

#harry styles fake instagram #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles au #harry styles one shot #harry styles fake ig #harry styles instagram blurb #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles headcanon #harry styles x you #harry styles instagram au #HS + Y/I #jadeittic

[moonjxsung]

ALSKDKDJF OKAYYY !!! I’m glad it’s not a bother !!! I overthink sometimes alskdkjf

urgh so I am having A WEEK :( I hope it’s okay I rant a bit … alslkskdj

helurf okay so after midterms last week, I’ve been trying to like relax and give myself time to rest but IVE HAD SO MANY ASSIGNMENTS :((( and I’m so tired and burnt out and stressed cause I need to start studying for finals and ahhhhhh alsksjjdjf :(

okay now for some more fun updates!! i had fun at uni yesterday!! we had a super fun soil science lab we got to go into soil pits on the farm our campus has and analyze soil (ph, diagnostic horizons, colour, structure, texture etc) !! It was a lot of fun I’m gonna miss the class and my prof :( (it was my last lab)

another fun thing is its art market week at my uni so time to drop a ton of money on prints, stickers and crocheted animals !!! :D

AND okay so I made it into a special like abroad research kinda program/course in like that’s usually only available to upper years students but somehow I made it in alskkskdjdj . Anyways, we get to go to South Africa from like May 14-June 9 to do research and stuff in the field!!! and like IM SO EXCITED??? So anyways, the 19 students that also made it in (it’s a highly competitive program to get into) we had our second group meet up plus our prof (who taught my favourite class by far last term) yesterday and it was a lot of fun and we got free dinner which was super super yum and I can’t believe I’m actually going ahhhhh

and then I went to a friends house for dinner (yes, dinner again) which was fun we like catch up at least once a month and yeah

Anyways sorry for the truck load of information about my life weh

HOW IS YOUR LIFE STAR!!! I WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOU!! (With whatever ur feeling comfy sharing 💗)

🌱

UGH I always forget how close together exam season is WHYYYY ARE UR FINALS ALREADY RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER….. 💔💔 I believe in you angel manifesting all the best for you frfr you’re smart I know you got this 🫶🫶🫶🫶

AHHHH UR UNI LAB SOUNDED SO FUN I love labs where you just get to go outside and do stuff in nature it’s fr so healing 👼 I took a geology course in college where we got to go to this creek near my school and like test the ph balance of the water and it was so much fun being outside instead of cooped up in the lecture hall fr one of the best labs we ever did. AND the art market this week???? RAHHH HAVE SO MUCH FUN we used to have something similar at my uni and I would drop SO much on stickers not even joking my laptop is covered in them still :’)

ALSO OH MY GOD??? TO THE STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM?????? STOP THAT SOUNDS SO FIXKIFNT FUNNNNN IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU WYAHWJDNRJ CONGRATS ON GETTING IN BB ‼️‼️ I didn’t have to do study abroad when I was in college bc covid hit but I can’t wait to hear all about yours and live vicariously thru ur updates AHHHH and it’s coming up so soon !! WOWOWOWOW HAVE THE BEST TIME ILY ILY THATS SO FUN

My day was honestly vvvvv boring but it was productive! I had work and then I had a shit ton of laundry to do but I was tired as fuck and I have cramps bc my period started today so I got coffee first to wake me up and then after cleaning the apartment I caught up on Ateez vlogs and now I’m simultaneously writing and watching Zelda gameplay 👼 I think my emotions are like ten times worse rn because of my period so I’m just taking it easy but I have a huge party to go to this weekend and a lot of my friends are gonna be there so I need to get my shit together and stop being sad bc I don’t want to bring the mood down ☹️ why do I always have a party in the same week I feel like shit LOL the last time I had one my situationship and I got into a huge fight and my sister had to be checking on me like every 5 minutes bc I was borderline crying the whole night it was so embarrassing 😭 (I am so tired of crying over this same girl oh my god)

ANYWAYS I LOVE U ANGEL IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND I CANT WAIT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT UR STUDY ABROAD TRIP RAHHH THATS SO EXCITING CONGRATS AGAIN ILY ILY 🩷💖💞💘💕💓👼

#🌱 anon #ask

[martyrbat]

you guys have no fucking idea how pissed i am rn :)

i have autoimmunity disorder ontop of being asthmatic and high risk anytime i get sick. i got covid back in ?? june i believe? and literally got turnt away from the hospital despite having two seizures and unable to breathe because im poor :) im still recovering from it !! i dont go out ! i rarely go into a store for my only socializing and interacting and only when i HAVE to. even then i wear two masks and wash every single thing, package included, because i can't take that risk – i will literally die !

my stepfather said covid is a scam for all these years, would literally physically assualt ANYONE in my household if they said it was real. wouldnt wear a mask, wouldnt take any safety precautions, would do nothing but say his god will protect him. when i caught it he blamed it on me not praying hard enough and that i need to ask god to forgive me because he cant. literally took his sister telling a grown ass, 6'5 400 pound trucker that hey. naybe dont hit your child while theyre literally unable to breathe. she snuck me medicine and HER inhalers because again. poor lmao.

then my mother caught it because i was still forced to do all the chores and work while wearing my masks and gloves the entire time. had to take care of her, who wasnt effected as bad, while my resting heart rate would jump from low 20s to 180s.

NOW hes sick and is threatening me because i refuse to step foot in his household or near him because??? i dont want to risk catching it again? especially as its in the freezing temperatures and my lungs are already weak? im still feeling long term effectives – from my breathing every! single! day! to my seizures coming back when i went a little over half my teenage years without one.

tw s/a mention & joke but do u know how much of a failure of a father u gotta be where the one that literally touched me is still a better one than u,,, like cmon man ur not even trying 😭😭 /lh

#if i go near him im going to actually kick his ass :) #which ?? will make it one of the better holidays ngl itll all be worth it but GOD #everyone say fuck you tony because fuck you tony. #also i mean it with that /lh i will never take anything serious ever but also i am standing full force with it. how do u mess up THAT badly #crypt callings

[sobachyakukla]

michael being "with" claude makes me light myself on fire & punch myself repeatedly in the head & privates & i keep banging my head as hard as i can on the brick wall outside my apartment. im scared of losing what we had / have & i thought claude was a lesbian. please not claude please please make sure they cant get too close i saw that status about his wavering lesbian situation & im terrified that he's got his sights on her. please god no please again please give him back to me, i can handle him, i promise. i need him. i dont think claude NEEDS him. i NEED him. just the thought of him being alone & with me in his mind. please god just make sure he doesn't make claude his next partner. i hang in a few weeks just keep them apart for that long please just until my date please .i get deactivated June 12th, im terminated my mothers already been informed & set it up so i go to heaven. its over, its done, now please stop this with him being with more people. im to hang. i want to die. i do not want to go on living. researching the chart nearest to the one that dies in the middle of the Russian channel. everything Cheyenne says is a metaphor & i wish i could go back to speaking them too & not-eating! my internet got fucked up again but i made a new internet. why would i have trouble reading a single sentence if i took my Vyvanse this morning it just doesn't make sense my medicine isn't doing its job. no matter what it is i take it seems to sit behind itself inside me. a facade a lie a liar. my medicine is a liar. i just dont talk much. plus i wasn't really able to talk like myself, you know? i wasn't "speaking in poetry" like i used to. & we broke up & got back together {at least once} i needed to be confident, & feel like myself. i needed to be thin. & sober, god did i need to be sober. & i needed to not feel that awful sinking feeling in my chest. that was horrendous. thats gone now though, thank God. i cant believe he was there with me for my throat tattoo. thats what the clear differential has been, my throat tattoo. once people try to say im not the person from the trip i just point to my throat & say "yes i am!" i needed some time away from him so i could work on my physical appearance & get back to acting like myself & make sure that feeling i felt most of my life was deleted. random surge of pro-Ukrainian nuse & not moved.

[venusdear]

nah ur good lol. rn is my first day of college. earth science is long as hell but not as bad as i thought itd be. theres lots of notes tho lol.

ACTUALLY THOOO HOW HAVE THESE MEN BEEN IN THE KPOP INDUSTRY 13 YEARS BUT HAVENT PUT OUT A SINGLE BAD SONG.

"I MEAN he kinda does look half white half korean???" sometimes dongwoon looks full white, i saw a picture of him with blond hair once and i was like what. the. fuck. also u mentioned the gifts the fan gave dongwoon. i cant believe the wedding is next month. when he announced it in june i was like okay thats forever away BUT NO ITS NEXT FKIN MONTH.

and yes i hate whitewashing lol. heres some unedited gikwang pics from 2 days ago.

also ive been reading more gordon korman books lately. kinda wanna see a girl main character in a book of his, all the protags are boys lol. i read unteachables, super teacher project, and this one called the fort.

you know, in 2018, gikwang had a mini live solo concert. AND LIKE. HE WAS WEARING A FUCKING SUIT FOR HALF THE THING.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAWSmWrIJzg&list=PLoPNcnTJt92R-cMz7JxKRGEiG7Vo_XTzU&index=6

LOOK AT HIMMMM OH MY GOD. plus that song is so addicting ugh. im still obsessing over suit gikwang n its been like idk 2 weeks? 3 weeks? since i saw the vid. he looks so fucking good im gonna cry. also dare i say, gIkWaNg nAtIoNs mAiN dAnCeR? im gonna photo dump on u with suit gikwang sometime soon. he looks so fucking good, like.

also im writing a story about a bunch of girls, but thinking of making it a bunch of boys instead.

school is so tiring 💤💤

OMG DID HE GET MARRIED ALREADY OMG!!!! CONGRATS TO HIM!?!??!?!

HELPPPP korean man is actually white! (100% real) (100% not clickbait)

TOO CUTE UGHHH

OMFUYIOUHGYFJLHUYT

OOOO send me some drafts from the story 🙏🙏

I LOVE READING

txt is having a cb soon so i am PATIENTLY waiting for it

#emmie 🎼

[mingot-studios]

Things currently polluting my mind (will be added to as i think of things)

 How bad the Star vs. Finale was, and weather i should even bother trying to watch the show again at this point

The fact that the next JoJolion chapter is coming out soon and I STILL haven’t read 107 with my mom even though I’ve already read it

Not being caught up on One Piece and having 0 IDEA of whats happening at this poin as well starting to flaws with the series (racism, transphobia, and homophobia) that i knew was there but chose to ignore and weather it should hinder my relationship with the series. Also wanting to murder Oda for demoting Franky to ‘Pervy Grandma’ (srsly wtf oda)

Upset Infinity Train was cancelled even though i never watched it, and wonder why the fans cry for it to come is suddenly not happening?

The fact i’m going to be returning to in person schooling which is my personal HELL

my brother leaving for college upstate (Me and my brother have never really been that close, we fight alot but I cant imagine life without him)

The fact that my procrastination has gotten so bad that I nearly had to retake PE, World History, and English

The Owl House coming back on the 12th but i had downloaded the first 2 episodes but haven’t watched them and debating if i should, also having a meltdown  over Disney screwing the show over and having its third be 3 or 4 (i cant remember) 44-minute specials

The fact that me and brother STILL haven’t finished our Yume 2kki Let’s Play

I haven’t been watching anime regularly with my mom

I haven’t posted anything to my DeviantArt or YouTube in months

I have so much energy right now but no outlets

I still haven’t tried out my drawing pad i got for my birthday last year

I have so many drawing ideas but my spiral sketchpad is filled up and I have yet to get a new one

Ive many intricit and detailed story ideas that i know im gonna forget if i dont write them down bu due my procrastination i haven’t done so im prolly gonna lose everything

The fact Thurston Waffles hasn’t posted anything since late April as well as the fact that he’s got Kidney problems

So many ideas for videos but I only have WindowsMovieMaker and the HumbleBundle my mom got me idk YEARS ago won’t install

I’m gonna be 17 at the end of September, which i only have until next June before I graduate High school, have to give up my Chromebook, start thinking about college and getting a job, possibly moving out and living on my own, the knowledge that my parents are in their late 50′s and early 60′s so hey might be gone sooner than most parents and I dont know how to function without my parents doing everything for me

These weird tingles ive been getting in my body for he pas couple days

The fact that im not gonna a kid soon and im gonna have to grow and stop doing whatever i want whenever i want and i’m gonna never accomplish my dream of creating a successful cartoon and will probably end up at a dead end job I HATE just to make ends meet and eventually dying alone because I dont wanna be in a relationship or have kids

Everything is too overwhelming. The light, the sound, my thoughts, its all too much. I wanna curl up into a tiny ball and disappear from this awful experience called life

Capitalism

i hate being so passionately when i’m upset, everyone else is calm but i have meltdowns and freaks outs over things i shouldn’t even care about or are miniscule (Comes with being autistic i guess)

I have 0 patience and i hate it

I’m starting to regress back to being a childish brat after all the progress i’ve made

i’m constantly surrounded by either criticism or praise that contradict each other so i dont know what to believe about myself

the fact that i have so many great story ideas but i cant write a cohernt thought with proper grammer or sytax or spelling o save my life, nor the art skill or the patience or the tech to draw comics

i haven seen my therapist in days and i need help but i know im not actually gonna change 

having gender panic

I have no in person friends and ive forgotten how to interact with people

ive become a noodle limbed nerd

Ive gotten super skinny

I want someone o break through my shell and help me change bu I know thats just a fantasy and im the only one who can do that but im too lazy to put effort into it

everything i used to enjoy suddenly feels tedious monotonous repetitive and uninteresting

I feel trapped and scraed 

The fact after being bulied so much the only way i can really assert myself is to get violent and angry because they would want me breakdown and cry

I have this image in my head of who i want to be; And badass that people including adults, are scared of and know not to fuck with me or they’ll get hurt (Basically Jotaro, bu I’ve had this image since before i even knew what jojo was) And the fact I KNOW that i’s a pointless endever and that i only dig my own grave when i get mad but its like ingrained Branded into my my psyche so im always going to larp that vision of myself but not get anywhere and only regress further

I want to address my problems and change but I never do and stay static and regress

I cant take crticisim even though i know its true

The reason im so scared of writing fanfiction is because i know its gonna be a mess despite what i think is a great story and people will end up mocking it and what little self confidence i have will shatter

Star Vs wasted potential

the fact that I dont know where to take the whole “Rubi dies at the  end of he first season but comes back o life except she’s not actually she’s just a walking meat sack containing an anchint eldritch god that will, sooner or later, burst out of her and destroy her body, and she’s fighting for control of her ow body due to Skarlotus trying to devor her soul and Data’s medience is only delaying the inevitable” storyline of my concept cartoon, The Crypto Club

I have an AMAZING idea for an Invader Zim storyline that has fascism, rascism, mass genocide, child soldiers, political intrigue, propaganda, baiscally space hitler and more (okay that came out sound REALLY bad, but NONE of it painted as good!) It also involves Zim and Dib coming together to stop an even bigger threat and there is a really ironic ending that brings my OC GA83′s story full circle

#the owl house #yume 2kki #thurston waffles #star vs the forces of evil #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #jojolion #one piece #vent #save infinity train #infinity train #amphibia #gravity falls #the crypto club #invader zim #Princess Ovilium Midorihato Metamorphosis Androma Serugi The First #Princess Ovil

[katslitg]

how the open heart lis would react to you being pregnant. (obvs jackie’s pregnant in her scenario.)

Jackie Varma:

god she’d be pissed!!!!!!

“what do you mean positive??? check the other ten tests!!!!”

“jack, all of them say posi-“ “shut up!!!”

she’d be mad, mostly at herself for not being careful enough

pregnancy on top of money problems is rough

good thing you two already live together

wouldnt acknowledge it until she started showing

“dr varma, ure pregnant???” “yeah, just ignore it.”

shed ignore you at the beginning, not knowing what to do

“jackie, c’mon, you cant keep ignoring me! it takes to two to tango!” “i can and i will,”

when you finally force her to come shopping for baby clothes, supplies, furniture etc, she loves it

“omg look how adorable! can you believe our baby’s feet are this small!”

she’d become insecure further into the pregnancy

“what if im not going to be a good mom, hm?”

“don’t say that, jack, you’ll be a great mom,”

you two would move into the your room, since it had a better view and change her room into a nursery

the boys would help you put everything together.

“bryce, that’s not where its supposed to be- ykw forget it.”

“jesus, dr ramsey do you even know how to-“ bryce would shut up just seeing ethan give him a glare

“see i knew raf would come around to save the day” she’d flirt with him, making him blush

cutest mood swings ever!!!

“all im saying is he’s a fucking jerk and i- ohhh sienna are those donuts?”

jackie would get stressed at the weirdest moments, and you kiss her and cuddle with her to calm her down

“mc, you know i hate kids, why did this have to happen to us!!!!”

she’d slowly come to terms with the fact that she was going to become a parent

god giving birth would scare this woman, and trust me not a lot of things scare her

“mc, what if-“ “jack, breath, everything will be fine!”

when you two found out you’d have a daughter she smiled

“at least i wont have to deal with a little mc” she’d joke

when she got in labour she’d curse at everyone!!!

“AND YOU! YOU MC ARE THE WORST ONE HERE! GETTING ME PREGNANT AND THAN MAKING ME DO THE HARD PART I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!”

“uhhh....”

after a couple of years, the three of you would move into a bigger apartment, still close to the hospital

god, your daughter absolutely lovessssssssss aunt sienna and uncle elijah!!!! these two dorks would hang around with her all the time

“dad, can i stay at aunt sienna’s after school?”

“she’s working today sweetheart but mommy will be there to pick you up”

you two would have some sweet, annoying nicknames for her

love, sweetheart, sugar, honey etc

Bryce Lahela:

he’d be excited and scared

he would freeze when he found the positive pregnancy test in his trashcan

“i wanted to tell you but seems like you already found out,”

he’d shut you out and be less loud at work

“bryce, please talk to me” “uhh, cant have a long shift today”

but one day you’d show up to his apartment, keiki opened the door

“oh hey keiki, is bryce home?” “yeah come in”

youd try to get him to talk but man he was not feeling it

“i just need some space mc,”

wouldnt even take a week for him to come over and apologize to you

“im just not sure if i’d make a good dad, i mean i had two bad examples growing up, what if i-“

youd cut him off with a kiss

“no need to stress, bryce, im certain you will make a great dad!”

you two would have to look for a bigger place, and also someone to fill your spot at the apartment

sienna, elijah and jackie would help you decorate the nursery

“jackie those colours do not match with the blankets i bought” sienna would say while jackie just rolled her eyes

“well maybe you shouldn’ve bought so! many! blankets!” jackie said while holding up multiple blankets

“guys please its mc and bryce’s child we can’t fight over this” elijah was the only one who would think rationally

when you found out you were having a son bryce almost jumped into the air

“a little bryce,,,,” he’d say with heart eyes, making you roll your eyes

when you went into labour, he’d be the one freaking out

“can’t believe im saying this when im the one in labour, but good god bryce calm down!”

uncle raf!!!!! aunt kyra!!!!!

rafael and kyra would absolutely adore your son!!!! theyd fight over whose turn it was to babysit

“kyra, you had him last weekend!” “but mc said he always talks about how fun aunt kyra is!”

“why dont you two take him to the park together? he loves both aunt kyra and uncle rafael equally” bryce would say, making the two adults reluctantly agree

“finally a moment alone with the woman of my dreams” he said the second they left, making you chuckle

keiki would hang out with your son. occasionally.

“aunt keiki can you read me a bedtime story?” “right. im aunt keiki.”

she’d love it secretly

Rafael Averio: (pretending sora doesnt exist here lol)

this man would beam with joy!!!

he had always dreamt of having a big family of his own

“youre pregnant?” “yeah.... i-“ he’d kiss you before you could even say anything else

would brag to everyone about it

“do you guys know im goin-“ “going to be a dad? yes raf you told us like a million times” his paramedic friends would say

it was even funnier when you saw how some people avoided him because of it

would not leave ur side

“jesus ever heard of personal space?” “oops sorry”

he’d be at ur apartment all the time

“raf, not that we don’t enjoy you being here but don’t you idk have other friends?” jackie would try to get him out of the house

sienna’d be fine with it since he would help her cook n bake stuff

“i didnt know you cooked!” “not really just some stuff i picked up from my grandma”

he’d sleep over at your apartment

when you got insecure he’d talk to you and make u forgot about it in a certain way ;)

“what if im not a good mom? or what if your fanily doesn’t approve of me?? oh good god this is not going how i imagined-“ “relax, you know my family loves you, now get over here”

you’d move in with him, and get someone to fill ur spot in the apartment

the two of you going to the senior center together!!!

“now edith you better not get to comfortable” you’d joke, earning a laugh from rafael

kyra and bryce would come over and help with the nursery, of course it was after the boys’ gym day so bryce dragged ethan with them

“hey gu- oh hey dr ramsey!” you’d say with a bright smile when you opened the front door.

“kyra not that i dont love you but what even is this?” “yeah i tried to make a blanket but as you can see it backfired”

“uhm ethan you sure that this is the color we picked out?” bryce would panic, knowing damn well they didnt do the one you asked them to do right

“well good thing aunt kyra did got the good color” she’d go get it from the car while the two men started at her in confussion

when you found out you were having a girl he got super excited

“a little mc running around the house” he’d say, already coming up with names

when you’d go into labour he’d put up a calm gentle persona while in reality he wanted to screammmmm

uncle bryce n aunt jackie!!!

u cant tell me bryce n raf havent become close friends

“hey dad can uncle bryce and aunt jackie stay for dinner?” “sweetie youre ignoring the rest of our guests”

even tho they would admit it bryce and jackie loved babysitting her

“do you want to come with uncle bryce?” “bryce thats enough its MY day!”

his family would come around often, bringing gifts every single time

his grandma would try to get him to propose, earning glares from him

when your daughter heard juliana say something along the lines of “when is the wedding” she’d get super excited!!!

“are you two really getting married??!!”

Ethan Ramsey:

you two would already be in an awkward position bc of the gwyneth thing

what was worse was that he admitted to not wanting to get married and have children

god, that little fight on the way to leland and at house took a toll on you, so when june came to check on you back in the hospital you told her

“so, youre pregnant?” “yeah” you’d sob

she wouldnt force you to tell her who the dad is, but it was obvious

before the fight you’d always come to the diagnostics team’s meetings with a smile on your face but now it was a neutral face or sometimes even a frown

soooo ethan found out. not directly from you, but from june, resulting in another fight

“you told june but not me?” “you dont even want kids i cant just casually bring it up!”

the awkwardness would be there for a while, im talking 2-3 months

“enough already! you two talk this out! not only is this bad enough for the two of you but also for me and baz! think about us! and our patients!” june’d snap one day

you’d talk it out, still awkward around each other

“jesus, ethan we can’t keep doing this, i have an appointment to check on the little one, you want to join?” you would try to keep the awkwardness at a certain level, he’d nod with a smile on his face

so when he found out he was having a son, he’d be happy, still very scared but very happy

“im sorry, mc. i acted as a jerk and didnt listen to your needs. i want to be in your and our baby’s lives.”

he’d ask you to move in with him, which you reluctantly agreed to, i mean there wasnt even enough space for a nursery in your apartment

sienna would invite herself and elijah over to help you with the nursery , since they knew about you two since that time after the hearing

“thank you, trinh,” ethan would say as he accepted the cookies she had baked

“i helped too. just so you know” elijah chimed in, earning a chuckle from you

god labour was the worst, you had to do an emergency c section since it was a bit too early for the baby to be born

so when they send your son off to the nicu, ethan would be there the whole time, very worried

“dr ramsey, you should go we’ll take care of him” the nurses would try to get him out of there with no luck, “no its fine i just want to stay here”

when you two could finally go home he would make sure to never youre side

“mc do you need anything? want me to bring you something to drink? maybe an extra blanke-“ “ethan shut uppppppppppppppppp its 3 am”

of course your friends would come over but not as often since they had to take care of their interns and stuff

uncle baz and aunt june!!!!!

“AUNT JUNE!!!!” he’d yell when you, june and baz picked him up from the daycare at the hospital

“wow so youre just ignoring uncle baz?” baz would act hurt, making the boy laugh

#hope this is sorta ok lmfao #open heart #jackie varma #bryce lahela #rafael aveiro #ethan ramsey #jackie x mc #bryce x mc #rafael x mc #ethan x mc #open heart hc #headcanon

[eirichele]

🔥🔥🔥 pwease?

we’re due for a 2000’s fashion nostalgia wave soon and im 😰🤢😨 about it. it’s already lowkey happening and I PRETEND I DO NOT SEE IT. high waisted jeans and croptops forever i cannot go back to low waist pants and long ass t shirts. I CANT PLEASE ITS SO UGLY AND UNFLATTERING FOR MY BODY SHAPE

anti-intellectualism rising all over the world is of course terrible but it’s DIRECTLY a result of academics, as a community, being the most annoying subset of people in the god damn fucking world. like. i absolutely will always believe in (reliable) science and experts but you all need to go to some dingy shady bar and get drunk with some friends every once in a while with the rest of us plebians because you sound like aliens who arent even real. it gets glorified so hard with ‘dark academia’ and shit but you really need to be shoved into a locker fr

animal crossing new horizons is such an incomplete game i cant believe its like. june and im over it. what the fuck? where is brewster and ljke half the veteran cast

#ask #alcohol ment

[comicteaparty]

June 24th-June 30th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from June 24th, 2019 to June 30th, 2019.  The chat focused on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black~! (https://www.drugsandwires.fail/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until June 30th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Who do you think made the Worm and for what reason? Why does it seem to mostly be affecting Stradania and not other places? Do you think Dan’s implant can ultimately be fixed, or is he stuck forever away from VR?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What aspect of the world’s cyberpunk setting interests you the most and why? Alternatively, what aspect are you hoping to see explored a bit more in regards to how it affects the characters?

RebelVampire

1) Gonna be a bit depressing when I say the bridge scene where Dan almost threw himself off it. Which I'm gonna spoiler tag the rest of this just as a suicide trigger warning precaution. I was 100% right there in the moment with him during that scene. Like I understood why he'd arrived at that conclusion, and it didn't come off as patronizing as I feel a lot of similar suicide scenes often do in comics. This is a man who even I felt really had nothing to live for, as sad as that is to say. Not that I wanted Dan to die, of course, but I get absolutely why he would. And then when he's saved, I liked that he is angry about it. Cause that is a dark reality I feel too many comics shy away from. And just all that gritty realism really hit me in the heart. 2) I don't know who made the worm and I don't think it matters all that much. Rather, I think the reason is more important, and the reason I think is to either kill VR or draw attention to Dan's shitty country. Which I kind of want to believe the latter, that this is somehow politically motivated. Or even if its the former, the idea is to get ppl more politically involved. That being said, I do think it's someone in Stradania who made it. As for Dan's implant being fixed, I don't think so. I don't think he'll be let off the hook that easy, and that he will continue to have to face his awful world for what it is, garbage and all.

3) Dan because he is the delicious epitome of a flawed protagonist. He's not mean, but between his drug problems, his crappy attitude towards most people, and so forth, he's got some real issues to work through. But that's great, cause at least that makes the few steps forward he's taken more satisfying. Since he's not getting those steps easy. He has to basically crawl through metaphorical lava to gain even 2 cm. 4) I really like the world's integration of VR and cybernetics. Like it's not on the level it's just there, but there's businesses around it, slang around it, and so forth. It's presented as this super ingrained culture thing, and that is super hard to play off. And it's just really well-done to see all the ways that those aspects bleed into their lives, whether the invention was intended to do so in that way or not.

Historical Jesus

I'm about to catch up. gimmy some time

RebelVampire

itll be going for the rest of the week, so theres no rush.

snuffysam

1) My favorite scene is the basement wake. It's a cool way to introduce those side characters (especially Vlad), and we were shown how our protagonist is seen through other people's eyes.

Like, we as the readers get to see Dan's struggles first-hand, but seeing the way Dan's "friends" think of him as a mindless junkie is really eye-opening

Re-reading the wake chapter made me think of something regarding question (2). Rebel, you suggested that the worm may have been made to kill VR. Could the reverse be true instead? Vlad has this speech about how the victims of the worm are martyrs, and the rest of the cast groans... but maybe he's not so far off.(edited)

My favorite character is Lin. On the surface, she's a terrible, shady person, but she's got heart where it counts! (in a trunk with a bunch of other organs)

Though I also really like Dan, for the same reasons as Rebel. He starts off in such a terrible place, and watching him take baby steps towards improvement is... honestly, uplifting, even if he does sometimes take some big steps backward.(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you think Dan will manage to find Eve again? If so, how might that affect him? Further, what do you think Dan’s past history is in general with his family and others that might play a role in the story?

Historical Jesus

Is the person writing this comic Russian

RebelVampire

cant speak for Io, but while not from Russia, Mary does speak Russian

Historical Jesus

SHe might have had family immigrate from Russia. This story just feels very Russian in the sense that everyone is down on their luck

But yeah. This story is freaking great!

Cryo

Hey, Mary here! I'm a Russian from Latvia, Io's German but I usually consult him on any Russian bits we have in the comic : D thanks so much for reading, loved seeing all the replies so far!

Historical Jesus

It's you

@Cryo Do you have experience with information security or bug hunting?(edited)

I mean, you sound like you REALLY understand hacker culture(edited)

Historical Jesus

ok I finished

1: Favorite scene? Hard to tell honestly. I like them all for different reasons. It's the continuum of the story I appreciate. The fact I'm always wanting to see what happens next? 2: Who made the worm. I've noticed that people who were infected had illegal copies of software. From a cybersecurity perspective, worms only work when either (A) someone finds a vulnurability that has never before been seem or (B) people don't update their shit for whatever reason. Hence why most software schedules mandatory updates. This could just be the inevitable conclusion to using pirated or older software. 3: Favorite character: Dan. I can relate to him the most. I don't do party drugs, just psycodelics.

4: Favorite aspect of cyberpunk. Historical relevance. In our past, rulers were privileged to rule because humans believed they were "ordained by God" to rule. European philosophers then said that the right to rule belongs to those who become the height of natural selection/ The premise being that there is no god and that we are "free agents" with "free will." No one is entitled to anything unless they produce something of value. This made perfect sense when manual labor was relevant and everything had to be done by hand. This includes pen and paper math. Hence why pay is exclusively based on labor value. Enter the age of technology fucked this up. Capitalism today is STUPIDLY efficient. We WHOOPED natural selections ass. We also learned that humans can't simply "change their outlook at will." Humans are mortal and are not much different than machines. The have needs and all that pesky human stuff. Some people could argue that healthier people have more free will than others, but poverty is the inevitable conclusion to this "free will" "labor value" mindset. But people think principles are sacred and set in stone. So what we are seeing is devalued labor and everyone becoming more poor and the formation of corporate oligarchies and dependences. Cyberpunk was WAY ahead of it's time in seeing this. We need to revisit this genre because I sure as shit don't want to live under a global illuminati with hard line cultural segregation.(edited)

Cryo

No, no real hacking experience here, I'm a 3d modeller by trade. We do our research when we can but our readers are a lot more technically minded than we are :p

Historical Jesus

I love 3D modeling

Attila Polyák

I'll be totally honest your work didn't really catch me at first, but I kept reading. Aaaaand dang that was a good decision. This is genuinely well made. I'm only at the end of chapter 4 but that bridge scene was great. I'm pretty sure it'll be my favourite scene but I need to read the rest first.

Historical Jesus

I have one of two options in life. Make high detailed models to sell on Gumroad or make comics. Gumroad will require constant adaptation to new software, but I already have my comic story structure fgiured out

Cryo

@Attila Polyák thanks for giving us a chance! Hope you enjoy the rest ( though chapter 5 is a lot less dramatic in comparison!)

Historical Jesus

Do you have a resolution in mind or are you just making it as you go?

Cryo

Yeah, we know where we're taking the story, but how it gets there can vary. Lots of the scenes we wrote years ago have to be tweaked or redone entirely to work

Historical Jesus

If the "free will" capitalist have their way, then we can expect the future to look very similar. Lots of poor people using lots of old tech. All software and hardware is closed sourced and locked down.The division between rich and poor will be larger than ever. Many of the zero days will be state sponsored much like they are now and they can use this to legally infect people and categorize them and use their own information against them if they ever become a threat to the state or the rich tech oligarchy

When I read this I got sense of creepy forcasting

More kids are playing with the Linux Kernal than smoking cigarettes so we might be ok

Historical Jesus

5: Favorite illustration? Anything that involved gif animations. That's not to say it should be overused but it was used at the right time

6a: Will Dan find Eve again? Probably. Since Cryo has a conceptual end in mind, I imagine she serves a key purpose in the plot. If they don't then it's likely that their actions will effect each other in some way.(edited)

6b: What is Dan's history with his parents? Let's look at who Dan is now. He's a poor drug addict who has had a dead end job. Yet he is not an overly angry person. Just depressed. He hangs around computer poetry people and other drug people. As a person who has experience with drugs, I noticed three types of people who do the dangerous drugs. At least in the US. They are... -People who have had repressive or needlessly strict parents. Thus overdoing drugs becomes associated with freedom and eventually a point of rebellion. But you can do too many of them. -People who are poor and need to sell them because they are poor. Naturally many of them do the drugs themselves so they naturally become addicted. -People who's parents are drug users themselves. The people who teach are schools will tell you it's that "people are trying to be cool" and it has nothing to do with that. Truth be told, they are hiding something. There is also a lot of dark racial history behind enhancing substances and the law and that can influence people's decision to take them, but I don't want to get into that because I don't want to get booted from this server.(edited)

Historical Jesus

Actually, @Cryo, would you be willing to give us a brief personal biography? Also, if you are, then can you tell us about your parents, what they did for a living, and the income situation you had growing up.(edited)

Why am I asking this? I think we can come up with more interesting answers about the comic if we know YOU as a person and how that influences your writing. I was able to infer that this story sounded Russian as fuck. Since the setting was Russian, I figured you were either from there or had family there

We can give more interesting answers that can help you come up with more interesting writing

RebelVampire

@Historical Jesus Your questions are getting a little personal, and while I understand the logic behind them, keep in mind we're here to discuss the comic and not the creators' personal lives.

keii4ii

Yeah... I feel even if the creators are okay with discussing it, this stuff is best left to DM

Historical Jesus

I understand. I would like to give her the choice. If she chooses not to then I understand. Biologically speaking, I think art is meant to be personal.

keii4ii

(and of course, if they don't want to discuss it, no one should pressure them about it )

RebelVampire

yeah if @Cryo wants to answer that's fine. Just for the future please keep those sorts of questions to a minimum and watch the wording on them. Cause that statement did sound overly pressure filled.

Historical Jesus

of course

keii4ii

I don't think we should be getting further into this territory?

RebelVampire

Agreed. This isn't a really appropriate topic for #week_long_bookclub, @Historical Jesus and has little to do with the comic.

Historical Jesus

I understand. I'm trying to demonstrate the the relevance and the benefits of understanding the author as a person. And again, it's her choice to choose what she discloses.

RebelVampire

And again, I get the logic. But just not appropriate for this discussion.

Historical Jesus

fair enough. I just want it to be known

I rephrased the question so it's less assertive. I apologies, I suck with social skills. Hopefully by the time she reads it, then it will be more inviting for her.

RebelVampire

thats better wording for sure, thank you.

Historical Jesus

no problem

art was definitely designed to be personal. The reason why a lot of big budget art feels bland is because it's meant for everyone and they have to not get too deep into offending people. Because it has to make money. That requires the work of a true genius. D&W is specialized and it will attract a certain group of people. Mostly people who value anonymous culture like myself. Or so I imagine.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Will Lin actually go through with her plan to get into politics? If so, do you believe she can actually make a difference? What obstacles do you think she might run into, and do you think Dan will be of any help to her?

Cryo

(i would appreciate not having to talk about my life and anyones political beliefs neither here nor in DMs, thanks for understanding)(edited)

Historical Jesus

Understood

Historical Jesus

7: Dan, primarily because he is relatable. He would interact the way I would. Not having money sucks.

Historical Jesus

8: Will in go into politics? Probably not. She strikes me as a neroatypycal character. I could be wrong though.

RebelVampire

@snuffysam If the worm was designed to improve VR, I really want to meet the person who decided that making ppl martyrs was the way to go. Cause that's some backwards thinking, imo at least XD

5) There's a lot of really great ones, but I'm kind of fond of the illustration of Dan puking up rainbows. It's this cool mix of gross, psychedelic, and not what I expected. It expressed a lot of mood somehow for something that's less grand than I usually pick. 6) I think Dan will find Eve again, if only cause from a technical perspective she was introduced super early on to not be important. However, I think meeting her again is just gonna make him feel bad about himself as he realizes how little his baby steps of improvement are. In regards to his family, just gonna be bold and say my theory: his dad is part of that political group that took control and really hates cyborgs and technology and all that. Thus they were probably not the most open-minded and rejected Dan in multiple ways both through emotional abuse and neglect.

7) I like seeing Dan and Troy right now. Everyone else in the comic is kind of...shitty towards Dan. Like i know Dan isn't the greatest person, but I would hate to be in the situation where I'm constantly being told I'm a junkie who won't amount to anything. Which I mean don't get me wrong, those are interesting interactions. But Troy? Troy is this new person whose only experience with Dan is kind of a nice if not high tension one. Troy comes with a fresh, no prior knowledge of Dan perspective, and I think that's really interesting and gonna be a good way to shed new light on Dan's more positive traits. 8) I think Lin will try to go through with it, but I think Lin is fighting a losing game. Short of stuffing the ballot, I don't think those she's trying to help will vote for her. Instead they'll just bitch and be complacent to the world around them. But on that same vain, Lin probably could just stuff the ballots to win. I umm...honeslty don't think Dan can help her in anyway. Dan is really busy helping himself to suck less at the moment. XD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think Sandman and Fixer will find in regards to the Worm as the story continues, and what does the VR cafe Sandman has been hacking have to do with anything? How will Nate tie into this given he’s looking for Fixer?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Overall, what role do you think Troy will have within the story? Additionally, how will she get out of her situation with having no ID, money, or much in the way of people she knows?

Historical Jesus

9: The art against the web design literally looks like something we would see at Def Con

10: I image he has a lead. After all his motivation is revenge

11: it’s strength is that it's good at making people empathize with characters even if you can't relate to them

12: I don't think Troy will get out of her situation. If she comes back to the states empty handed she will be fired. It might be in her best interest to get wrapped up in finding the worm programmer

Typically speaking large scale worms are state sponsored but it's not clear how far this thing actually spreads.

RebelVampire

9) My favorite details so far have been the small things in the background. Like the random graffiti on the walls, the cracks and dilapidation of the buildings, all the small do-dads in Lin's place. Like none of that needs to be there to create a complete background, but it adds so much character to the setting and each character. So I really appreciate the extra mile taken for that. 10) I think Sandman and Fixer are gonna find that some corporation or someone high up on some food chain made it on purpose. As for the VR cafe? Honestly, I think it's a red herring and Sandman is making an excuse to target them just cause he hates them. As for Nate, I think Nate is gonna join the investigation team but also kind of serve as a negotiator between Fixer and Dan. Cause I don't think those two will get along without help.

11) I think this comic's strengths are a) the setting both visually and story wise, as it's a really strong and vivid setting. then b) Dan. It is very, very hard to write a character like Dan. There are so many things he does that could immediately make him unlikeable, what between the drugs, self destruction, and general assholeness to some of the ppl around him. but yet he is likeable. you do want to see him succeed and not suffer. yet you also still can acknowledge hes unreliable. its a great dynamic that lesser writing could not pull off. 12) I think Troy is gonna be their viewport into the corporate world. Which I think will play a role since there is a themeing here about evil corporations. Plus, she at least knows some stuff better than they do, as she already showed off at the VR cafe. But getting out of it? Nope. Shes stuck and probably gonna make another panicked call to Dan at some point. And Dan will be an angel and help again.

snuffysam

I'm going to go out on a limb here. Not only will Lin go through with running for office, she'll win. And she won't even have to stuff the ballot that much. But... I'm not sure her fight will be over there. After all, there's more than just one corrupt person in the country. I agree with you on the investigation into the Worm, @RebelVampire . I think someone up the corporate ladder is responsible. With that said, I don't think Sandman is targeting the VR cafe for nothing. I think he's trying to draw more attention to their security flaws for... some reason. I guess to get more people involved in investigating? I doubt he foresaw Troy showing up and offering to upgrade the cafe's machines though, so I that probably isn't part of his plan. I think a major part of Dan's character arc going forward will be accepting that he doesn't need Eve. Like, accepting that he doesn't need her help to get better, and that he's the only one he needs to prove his progress to.

Dan's character writing is absolutely my favorite part of this comic. In a weaker comic, I would absolutely hate how a self-destructive character like Dan is portrayed. Like, often characters with addiction/other mental health problems in fiction come off as unlikeable, or too cartoonish, or too depressingly stagnant (at least, from what I've seen in other works of fiction). But Drugs & Wires strikes a great balance where character progression isn't always linear, and isn't always positive, but it's there, and that fluidity makes you want to root for him more each chapter.

Attila Polyák

Now that I finally read all of it... 1, The bridge scene at the end of chapter 4, that was really done. 2, Dan's implant... I'm pretty sure it can be fixed, but I have doubts if Dan will ever have the resources to have it fixed. As a matter of fact I feel like he'll never have the money or influence to have it fixed and the way it is he can't really replace it either, so... He's probably stuck without VR. 3, Lin! She's awesome! 4, Probably the grey market implant dealers, even though that's kinda bog standard cyberpunk stuff. :) 6, Yes, they will probably meet again. And yes, I do feel like we'll need to see more of Dan't past history especially about how he got involved in... well in everything that's his current life. 7, Nagy, as surreally odd, is a great addition to Dan. Like at times I thought his absurdity would actually help Dan. 8, Ofc she will, you don't forge that much "voter trust" for nothing. And Dan, tho probably seemingly unwillingly, will likely help her one way or another.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Do you think Dan will ever be able to kick his drug habit, or will he continue to fall back into it forever? How will this affect his relationships? Further, how will his habits shape his future role in the story?

RebelVampire

13) I'm looking forward to getting more info about the worm. Cause right now I dont feel any more knowledgeable than I did at the start, and I'm itching to see Sandman, Fixer, or Dan to somehow get a bigger clue to what's going on. 14) I think both will apply. In that Dan will kick the habit eventually but will always be at risk because addiction is not really something you just completely cure. It's a battle he'll have for his entire life, even if he learns to manage it. As for for his relationships, I don't think it'll have much affect, tbh. Maybe things with Lin will improve, maybe Eve. But everyone else is kind of a jerk who already writes him off. Dan is in need of a fresh start somewhere far away.

Historical Jesus

13: Same here. I would like to know more about the worm. I hope that Cyro puts a cool technical characteristic into the worms behavior so that creates interesting and unique challenges for the characters 14: Statistically speaking most people do not kick their drug habit's. Especially not in the position he is in. Based on the story's cultural nature, I doubt the ending will be happy. But I am sure it will be interesting

Cryo

Thanks so much for picking and reading our comic this week! I've had a great time reading all the replies, especially since we don't hear from new readers often, and it's gonna come in handy when we get back into writing more stuff for the comic.

snuffysam

I had a great time reading it, Cryo!

Io.Black

Just wanted to add my own thanks to everybody who took the time to read and comment this past week. As a writer, it’s always incredibly valuable to get a sense of what people are taking away from your work, as well as where they think it’s headed.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Drugs & Wires this week! Please also give a special thank you to Mary Safro & Io Black for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Drugs & Wires, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://www.drugsandwires.fail/

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[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

#2018 #OMFG MESSSSS of a year.. #and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

[ofphcenixes]

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room.  i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao.  we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i  can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.

#( blue ; converse ! ) #( blue & libby ! ) #WE LOVE CRYING

[onelonelyexistence]

well. it was my fault for expecting anything good.

ill just edit this post as i begin to spiral to save everyone's dashboard because lord knows its gonna get real bad tonight

---

i hate it i HATE HATE HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE START TALKING ABOUT IRRELEVANT THINGS. "HOW WAS HOME"? IVE BEEN BACK FOR FUCKING 2 WEEKS AT THIS POINT BUT YOU WOULDNT KNOW BC I DONT FUCKING MATTER IN YOUR LIFE i distain positivity with every fiber of my soul god im thinking about killing myself every fucking day and you trying to talk to be about dumb shit???? just shut up!!!

i cant TELL PEOPLE im making plans to end it in june?!?!?!?!!! i dont want their fucking sympathy or fake condolences about how depressed ive been for the past 2 years???? i cant reach out for the same reasons. i dont wanna be seen as some suicidal freak??

i DONT CARE that im pushing so many people away at this point its just better!!! i cant be disappointed and i cant get hurt if i just dont interact with anyone!!! at this point i literally dont have anyone not even the one person i thought i could talk to or trust because fuck im way more attached to him than he is to me even though he said not to get attached. i already pushed him away once he probably doesn't care about me an ymore ive already fucked things up its too late

i cant believe im sealing my fate like this this is so awful but i deserve this. i deserve every single bit of pain that i am and have been experiencing

i cant stop thinking about how he laughed when i talked about how ive been thinking about ways to end it. yeah the method i brought up was stupid but ?? WHY... THE ONE PERSON I THOUGHT WAS GOOD... ive been avoiding looking at painful methods but honestly??? i think i deserve to meet my end in a painful way especially if it means i will for sure exit this world

im so stupid so so stupid what was the point of trying to reach out. i knew it would be like this deep down i knew!!!!! maybe this is the way it was supposed to be i think im supposed to leave this world early and in silence

i feel so sick. whether thats from the pain or me successfully starving myself from the start of this year no one knows

people i thought i was close to even just a year ago have long forgotten and abandoned me. they have better people who properly reciprocate in a friendship. i deserve this i deserve this pain i deserve to be forgotten i deserve to be left behind i deserve this fate

it hurts so much

im starting my letters. im surprisingly calm

#p

[chicagolove88]

“September saw a month of tears. And thankin' God that you weren't here”

Characters: Dean x reader, OMC, OFC, OFC, Sam, Ketch

Word Count: 3069 sorry its hella long. I gotta going and couldn't stop

Warnings: Fluff, mentions of cheating, pregnancy, miscarriage, angst I guess

Written for @anotherwaywardsister summer challenge! I apologize if it is terrible. I am not a great writer and just wanted to give it a shot!

September.

It was always your favorite month in previous years. It contained everything that you loved- your birthday, fall, bonfires,the start of football and hockey season.  It was the month that you fell in love not for the first time but for the best time, now it all reminds you of the month that you lost everything that mattered. Now all it brings every year is heartbreak and bad memories.

As the leaves began to change and the nights got cooler, you tried to forget what month it was as you and your best friend Haylee continued through campus back to the sorority house that you both lived in. There was a crisp fall wind that was blowing through on this friday afternoon. “Shit dude it is getting chilly out but you know what that means” Haylee says to you as you look at her and smirk. Of course you knew what that meant. It meant tailgating tomorrow for the football game was going to be how the good Lord intended football tailgating to be like and not in the sweltering heat like these past years in Texas. “Oh come on Hayls we all know that our alcohol blankets will be keeping us plenty warm tomorrow no matter what” you say as you bump her shoulder. She chuckles and flips her blonde hair over her shoulder as you two continue on your way as Haylee continues chattering about the game tomorrow and how Cameron her boyfriend, our starting defenseman, was not paying enough attention to her during the week because he has been so focused on the game. You look up from your phone just as you two were about to pass the hockey house on the edge of campus when you saw something that knocked the wind right out of you. That damn black 1967 Chevy Impala which only meant one thing. Dean was in town and you don't know if your heart can take this right now.

All of the feelings that you’ve been pushing down over the past year started rising backup and you could feel the tears starting to form in your eyes. You didn’t realize that you had stopped heard Haylee scream your name and start walking back towards you. “Dude, what’s wrong with….” she starts to say and abruptly ends as she sees what you are staring at. “What the hell is he doing back here? Cam never said Sammy said anything about Dean coming back for the weekend”. Two years. You successfully dodged Dean for a year every time he was in town but now it doesn't matter. You knew deep down this weekend you were eventually going to come face to face with the man that broke your heart. You were a tough girl so you told yourself to put your game face on and tore your gaze away from the house and the car that Dean so fondly called Baby. “Come on Hayls lets go” as you begin walking pulling her arm as you walked past her. When you finally got back to the sorority house, you sprinted upstairs to the room that Haylee and you shared in the house and collapsed on your bed. You weren’t sure if you fully made it onto your bed before you started sobbing.

You had met Dean the beginning of your sophomore year in the middle of August. You both were in General Psych together. By some stroke of luck or laziness, you were running late to Psych and ended up sitting by him on the first day and that same day your professor made you partners on an assignment due mid-September. You couldn’t believe you were partnered with the captain and star center of your schools hockey team. Every time Dean would see you on campus he’d wink at you or say “Hi Princess” to you. It made you blush and a lot of other girls jealous. You never thought anything of it until one night at a party at the hockey house. Some dude was trying to hit on you and wouldn’t take no for an answer. The jerk tried to grab you when you walked away and Dean almost knocked his lights out right then and there. It was the first week of September and you found yourself pinned up against a wall making out with the star center. It was the first week of September when Dean learned how to make you scream the way he liked. That night of the party after you two had finished, you went to go leave. Dean softly touched your arm and said for you to stay. You couldn’t explain why it felt so right so you grabbed one of his old Zeppelin T-shirt to sleep in and curled up besides him. Dean never told you but sleeping next to you was the best sleep he ever got. Like he finally found what was missing all his life. By the second week of September you were a frequent at the hockey house and we’re officially dating Dean Winchester. By the last week of September you knew you loved him and though Dean never told you,he knew he loved you then too. Even though you waited three more weeks to tell him. You two just seemed to click even though you both were strong willed and tough. He was sweet and gentle with you. You knew that no love you had before this had felt like this.

You and Dean had been together a year. A year of long distance. He had been drafted by the Dallas Stars the June of his sophomore year but got the invite to training camp that June. You had never been so proud to be there with him when he got the call, to help him pick out the apartment that would eventually be both of yours in Dallas. Or so you thought. Long distance was beginning to take its toll. Even though Houston was only three hours from Dallas , it still felt like a million miles away between your internships over the summer and Dean in training camp and workouts all the time, but the short times that you two spent together were passionate and enough to make up for the distance. Even if they were short lived, but recently those times have become shorter and shorter. Dean stopped texting back and was always busy it seemed like. August came and another school year started and you noticed something wasn’t right. You felt sick all the time and were continuously throwing up in the morning until two weeks later Haylee convinced you to take a pregnancy test. Two pink lines stared back at you after the two minutes. This wasn’t how this was suppose to happen. When did anything go the way it was suppose to happen with you though. How were you going to tell Dean? He already had too much on his plate. Dean was coming in that weekend for the hockey game so he could see Sammy play and to celebrate your anniversary that was later in September but he would be gone for a game. It was not the ideal time to tell him, but you had to. As the week dragged on, you kept thinking of ways to tell Dean about this. Soon Friday rolled around and Dean was back on campus. You heard the low rumble of Baby outside your window and headed downstairs. Once outside, you ran to Dean who was leaning against the passenger side door and he swooped you off your feet into one big hug. “I missed your princess” you heard him say as he kissed the top of your head. “I missed you too D” you said as you place a kiss on his lips. “Come on let’s go get food” he said as he opened the car door for you to get inside. You decided now or never was the time to tell him. “Actually, D we need to talk it's really important. Can we go to our spot?” you ask him nervously. “Yeah honey that's fine. Is everything ok?” he asked as he goes to shut the door and you just nod because it really isn't but you don't know what to say in place of that.Deans hand is on your leg the entire ride to the lake that you guys always went to.

Once there you got out of Baby and walked around sitting on the hood as Dean stood in front of you. “Baby girl whats wrong? You kinda have me  freaked out a little” Dean said. You took a breathe knowing that this was the time “Dean, I’m pregnant. I took multiple tests and they all came back positive. I know this is like really crappy timing but I don’t know things don't happen the way that they are suppose to” you say as you look back at Dean. There was a moment of silence between the two of you as you look at Dean. “What the hell. This is the last thing that I need right now Y/N! How can this be happening” he says as he turns around putting his hands behind his head. All it did was elicit a shrug from you because you didn’t know what to say. “Are you like really sure about this y/n?” he asked drawing my attention from my hands that all of the sudden became very interesting. “Pretty damn positive Dean.Three pregnancy tests and a missed period pretty much solidifies that this happening.” you said back. What he said next still shocks you to this day. “Are you sure that it’s even mine. I mean come on it had been over a month and half since we have slept together. How do I know that you didn’t get drunk and hook up on accident with one of those frat boys you worked with at the internship. You seemed pretty friendly with them in your snapchats and instagrams” he said. “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW DEAN?” you screamed. “ You are seriously going to sit here and accuse me of cheating on you? Seriously?! You are the ones that has been hanging out with models and cheerleaders. Maybe I should be the one questioning you about that. You've stopped returning texts and have been hanging up on me when people walk in the room.” you shouted at him. “Oh get over yourself. I’m not cheating on you. I just cant talk all the time like I use too. I have important things I have to do.” he shouted back. “Important things? LIKE WHAT? I mean seriously I think after a year I warrant a reply on a text!” you said back to him as you start crying. You were pissed and were almost to the point of seeing red. “Jesus Christ Y/N I have things with coaches and practice. THOSE TYPE OF IMPORTANT THINGS” he said as he starts pacing in front of the Impala. Tears were streaming down your face as he was yelling things at you  “Shut up Dean. Just shut up!” you kept saying as he was yelling still. “Y/N” he says as he took a deep breathe and looked at you. “This isn’t working anymore. I can’t do this. I’ll do whatever you need for the baby and I’ll be as active as I can but I can’t do this with you anymore. All we do is fight anymore. We’re both two strong of personalities”. Your world in that moment came crashing down around you as you began to sob harder as you sat on the hood of the car. In one swift motion, you jumped off the hood of the impala and began walking the opposite direction as Dean grabs your arm. You just shrug him off and turn around “Fuck you Dean Winchester. Leave me alone and leave this kid alone. I dont want your help. I will find my own ride back, wouldn't want to burden you.” you said and turn around and continue walking. Pulling out your phone you call Haylee and when she picks up you just begin to sob eventually getting out the question of asking her to come pick you up and where you were. Her and your other best friend Kenzie hugged you all night as your cried into your pillow as in the first week of September your world came crashing down around you. You thought that it couldn't get any worse until the third week of September on a Tuesday might and it did. Something again wasn’t right and you kept feeling sharp pains in your sides and all throughout your stomach. You just thought that it was stress on the baby and kept going upon your day, until it wasn’t. Until you passed out and woke up in a hospital room. Until you learned that you had a miscarriage and they were going to release you. Haylee and Kenzie hugged you again all night as you cried on your bathroom floor. The next day you picked up your phone and called a name that you had been trying not to think about in weeks and left a voicemail. D, its me. I just wanted to let you know that I miscarried last night. I know I shouldn’t  be telling you on a voicemail but i think if i heard your voice right now because it’ll just hurt me even more. I’m sorry for the way that we ended, but I guess this is a burden off of you now. Good luck with hockey and life. I’ll be cheering for you. Love you. Always have and always will. Bye.  You cried even harder after you got off the phone. The best and worst mistake you ever made was Dean Winchester and you knew that your best love didn’t get to be your last one.

Over the course of the school year, you successfully had dodged Dean every time he had come in to see his brother thanks to a few heads up from some friends. He tried to call you a couple times but you always declined it. He never left a voicemail and eventually he stopped trying. Dean’s team made it to the Stanley Cup Finals and lost. It broke your heart to see him cry on tv. You even dated another guy named Ketch but it didn’t work out. Nothing he did ever seemed to live up to Dean Winchester and it hurt you every time. Junior year came and went and no matter what people say, time does not heal all wounds.

Haylee and Kenzie came in sometime while you were crying and eventually one of them cleared their throat. “Girl, you know I’ll punch him for you but please please don’t let him ruin this weekend for you. It’s your senior year.” Kenzie said. You just shook your head and said “I know. I agree”. “I’m going for a drive I’ll be back later” as you grab your keys to your Jeep Wrangler and hop in. You ended up by the lake. You didn’t intend to come here but somehow you auto piloted here. You got out and climb up onto the hood of your Jeep and laid in the sun. Popping headphones in you began listening to some Eric Church. Dean hated country and always made fun of you for loving it but you didn’t care. Slowly you began humming Springsteen as it came on. You thought you heard tires crunching on the dirt road behind you but you ignored it. Still humming you after a couple minutes you swear you heard a door slam so you open your eyes. Shading your eyes from the sun you see the last car you want to see right now, a black Chevy Impala. You knew you were going to have to face this some time this weekend, so you quickly pop your headphones out as you see Dean approaching your Jeep. “Knew I could find you here. You always did love it out here” he said looking at the lake. “Yeah it’s calm here. I like it.” you answered back to him. “Why are you here Dean? You didn’t need to come back. Not this year. Please don’t ruin my senior year. I spent all of junior year trying to get over you” You said as you slid off the hood of your Jeep and jump down. “Did it work? Did you get over me? Because if you did can you tell me how you did because I’m not over you” Dean said quietly behind you. Hearing those words made you start crying so you just shook your head no. “Princess, I don’t know what that head shake means. No you’re not over me or no you won’t tell me?” He said as he takes a step towards you. “No I’m not over you Dean. Never will be” you whispered as you felt him hug you from behind making you cry harder. He spun you around so you were facing him as he leaned up against the hood of the Impala “I’m sorry y/n. I’m sorry I freaked out last year on you. I panicked. I didn’t want it to be real. There was too much going on. I’m sorry that you felt you couldn’t call and talk to me. I’m sorry I didn’t come when you were in the hospital that night or any night after that. I drove here ya know? Sammy called me when Cam told him after Hayls was in hysterics that you were in the hospital. I sat outside and stared at the building until I watched you walk out when you were released. I'm sorry I didn’t fight harder when you walked away. I didn’t think you’d actually walk away.  ” Dean says as you continue crying. Your damn near hysterical at this point. A year. A year is all it took for him to finally say what needed to be said. “I’m sorry too. For the way everything played out and for not fighting back. I just couldn’t at that moment.” You said in between sobs into his shoulder as he pulls you into a hug. “I missed you princess. Every single night. Dallas isn’t the same without you. When we lost in the finals last year all I wanted to do was call you but I couldn’t” Dean said to you as you wiped your eyes dry. “Yeah I watched. I cried when they showed you tearing up on tv. But you know if you would have just went top shelf on that last shot you probably would have tied the game” you said back to him as you stand shoulder to shoulder with him leaning against the Impala. You feel him shove your shoulder and you smile a little. It reminds you of old times. After a couple minutes of silence you hop up on Baby’s hood and turn to look at Dean. “D, can I ask you a question?” You ask as he stand in The Sun with his eyes closed. Hmm is all you hear him murmur in response. “Do you think we’d ever work out? Like actually make it all the way without a dumb fight?” You ask while staring at the lake. It seemed like forever until you heard him answer. “I think” dean says as he moves to where he’s facing you in between your legs, “that we would be unstoppable. I think we’d be able to tackle whatever came towards us” he said as he leaned in to you. Forehead to forehead staring in each other’s eyes when a next question came in to your head but before you could ask it, you felt Deans lips crash onto yours. As your tongues worked together, you let out a small moan. Over a year since you had been kissed this way and you missed every second of it with every fiber of your being. Dean broke away from the kiss and you gave him a little bit of a pouty face. “Oh don’t pout come on serious question time” he says as he grabs your hands. “Fine but I liked our previous activity better than this. What’s the question?” “Wanna give us. This whole crazy thing another shot. I promise no more crazy yelling this time”. You nod and say “Hell yeah” before you lean in for another kiss.

Five years later:

September.

It was the month you fell in love, lost that love, and gained that love back. Dean and you had been together over four years now since your senior year. You’ve had your ups and downs but you got through them. The past summer had been a whirlwind. Haylee and Cameron had their first kid and you were trying to help out as much as you can. Sammy ended up getting traded last off-season to the Stars so him and Dean got to play on the same team. You had never seen Dean so happy as he was when he stepped onto the ice the first time with Sam. Sam's girlfriend Jess made fun of you as you cried a little. On a late September weekend , Dean insisted that you guys back to Houston to your old alma mater. The last night you were there, he insisted that you two go for a drive. So you jumped in Baby to please him and watched as The Sun began to go lower in the sky. Dean seemed jumpy. “Babe what’s wrong you’re all nervous.” You say to him as you pat his face. “No I’m not. I’m fine” he says. “MHMM sure but if you’re taking me somewhere to kill me I’m sure they’ll eventually find me. Hopefully” you say back to him as you stare out the window. Soon you see the lake and Dean pulls up and parks the car. He gets out leaving the headlights on. You follow him out of the car and watch The Sun start setting over the lake. Dean pulls you in front of the car holding your hands standing face to face. “Y/N I love you. I love you so much. I know that we’ve had our ups and downs way more than anyone else in this crazy thing called life. But I don’t want to do this without you. Ever. I want to come home to you every night and call you when I’ve had a bad game. I want to put our children in the Stanley Cup hopefully one day. I want to grow old and by a bunch of dogs with you. Will you marry me?” Dean asks as he get down on one knee. “YOU BET YOUR ASS I WILL” You say in response as he slips the ring on your finger. This September you cried tears of happiness.

#supernatural imagine #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester

[depressed-alone]

Okay so I hate to rant beacuse I always feel like a bother but Im so pissed off right now I could literally murder someone.

Okay so this is a big thing for me and I dont fucking care if you send me hate for it beacuse Ill straight up ignore you but this is gonna be a big chucnk of my life presented to you.

So little backstory, my mom and dad divorced when I was 6. My dad moved to a different city and thats when I started to like my dad more than my mom.

My mom has been verbally abusive towards me for god fucking knows how long. She tells me to do some sports, beacuse i should lose some weight, tells me to eat this not that beacuse it would make you even fatter, if you look like this no boys will want to go out with you, dont be on your phone so much, go out and make some real friends not made up ones on the internet, you are not trans, you will get througg being trans, wait till you are 18 then I might believe you are trans etc...

Now my dad. He is in prison. Has been for 2 and a half years. I dont fucking care what you think of me but if you ever say my dad is a criminal I will fucking kick you. My dad is NOT a criminal. Just beacuse someone is in prison doesnt mean they did something. My dad is mostly in prison beacuse my mom works at the court and as i said they are divorced and she hates him beacuse i like him more so she helped to put my dad in prison. Which is fucked up I know.

I can only talk to my dad through letters, and very rarely on phone. When he was put in prison he was in the same city as me. Me, my brother and my grandma could visit him once a month for an hour. We could hug, my dad always held my hand while we were talking, he sometimes even gave me and my brother chocolate.

Then. He got transported to another jail. To a city that is 4+ hours away from the city where i live in with bus. (only my dad has a car) it is super fucking expensive for us three to go to this another city montly so we said we would go every third or fourth month.

That worked. For a bit. In this new prison i wasnt allowed to hug my dad. We werent allowed to touch at all. We could talk and thats all. And they shortened the visit period to 45 minutes. I was already angry beacuse I wasnt able to hug my dad, the only person who loves me for who i am literally what the fuck.

I told my dad im pan and trans in letter form. He said he loves me no matter what. He calls me his son. He calls me by my preffered name instead of my dead name, even though I know its difficult for him beacuse he was the one to chose my dead name for me when i was born. When i told him about my partner (now ex partner) and that they are non binary he said he doesnt understand that. So i explained it to him. just like i explained trans ftm, and pansexual. I explained them to him and he said okay thats okay. He said that being non binary is unique in his opinion and that he would love to meet a non binary person so that the person can explain things about being non binary even more.

He took up buddhism classes in prison (bc thats smth you can do apparently????) and he said he loves it. He said he isnt a buddhist but he enjoys the classes and he loves learning about new cultures.

I told him that I want to visit my best friend, who happens to live in Ireland, literally a billion miles away from me. He said he has a friend who lives in Ireland too, and as soon as he gets out of prison he will talk to his friend and we will go to Ireland together.

He doesnt treat me differently at all. Theres literally no sign of me being trans when he writes me a letter other than the fact he calls me Chris and he uses 'son' instead of 'daughter'. He still starts every letter with 'my little bunny I hope you are doing well' he still draws me flowers, kitten, hell even Hello Kitty beacuse I was obsessed with hello kitty when i was little. He treats me the same and im grateful for that.

So heres the thing im mad about. I havent seen him since JUNE. JUNE! And the fucking reason is beacuse the prisoner ppl i dont fucking know their name told us that sorry you cant come! Every. Fucking. Month. Since. JUNE!

And on top of that my grades are going down, my mom shouts at me every day beacuse of my grades. I havent seen him in so long and i dont want to say that my grades are going down beacuse of that but my mom should really put the bar lower cause she still expects me to be a straight A student.

My dad gets let out of jail in August. Hopefully. I just dont know if i can live with my mom till that. If he gets out of jail what will i do? I cant move to him, he lives in another city! I dont want to change schools cause apart from a few people I actually like my class!

Rant over. Thanks for reading. Sorry for any mistakes im too tired to look through this shit.

#tw transphobia #tw verbal abuse #tw prison #prison mention #rant #chris talks #dont say shit about my dad #dont reblog #long post

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie