#got too tired to work out the issues

[taikova]

here's some drawings from a "mt washington" -song inspired video project i never finished.

#one piece #monkey d. luffy #vivre card #jinbe #jimbei #marineford arc #one piece fan art #sketches #i don't have to see you right now #is its working title #got too tired to work out the issues #but maybe one day ill come back to this! #grief #angst

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

..

#hi back for now bc it's fall break and I'm stuck on campus #trying not to complain about it but I've been having stomach issues for at least the past couple of weeks #it's been acting up since I got here but the past few weeks and specifically the past few days it's become a lot more intense #I made an appointment with the medical clinic here on campus and they're treating me with something for a possible stomach ulcer right now #I have a follow-up in a couple of weeks #I'm struggling to keep on top of all my thoughts and feelings and emotions right now too #which may be causing or compounding the stomach issues. honestly who knows. #all I know for sure rn is that I feel very tired and worn out despite it being fall break #and I wish I didn't feel this way #kinda sad and very tired #it's a perfect opportunity to catch up on school work that I've fallen behind on. and yet I feel completely unable to even think #about school. hhhhh. 🙃 #it's been such a hard year guys. and I don't want to complain or wallow but I wish I could just break down have a good cry #or a screaming fit if needed #just get it all out #and then maybe I'd be able to cope a little better #unfortunately I'm not sure that's how it works. so I guess I'm stuck feeling like this for now.

[abstract-moth]

for once I would like to be struggling academically bc my brain actually struggles to comprehend the material and not bc I have some dumb*ss sh*t going on in my personal life

#I got club stuff eating all my time #had to become the RA at my dorm #all my friends dropped out of my program so all those relationships are evolving #one of my best friends for the past two years is acting badly and I may have to stop being his friend #have to address some long standing medical issues #ofc my family issues have not gotten better at all #need to start therapy again and ik my therapist and I don't click but hey she's covered by insurance and I'm tired of looking #stupid beginning of the year bureaucracy to deal with #ppl at my dorm went to a big party and now everyone is slowly getting sick #president of my club is assigning me more work and the only solution is to tell her to do it instead but then SHE will have too much work #so I guess we both gotta suffer #plus I gotta lead my own team this year and get back to some assignments I told them to do #missed my German class 2 weeks in a row and have my first class tomorrow REALLY BEHIND bc I haven't studied German since May #also haven't been keeping up with French #and I really gotta do well academically this year #and probably find a job #and go to the gym #and not end up in the hospital again #university shenanigans #original post

[torchickentacos]

ursa wip. drawing during powerpoints hour. feeling atla-y lately. annoyed at proportions but fuck it we ball, if I try to make it perfect I won't end up making it

#anyways. time for taylor's tags after midnight. always a long ride the size of a oneshot. #guys studying is like. killing me a bit. i'm getting my relaxing time while listening to powerpoints and drawing #or playing sdv on switch #and. hm. it's so annoying. vent incoming #because i'm genuinely working myself into the ground here #but if i don't i simply will not get it done. #i'm so. so incapable of doing things right now focus wise. if i do not spend hours chipping away. it won't get done. #i cannot focus and do it in one sitting or i won't like. eat and sleep #i'm just unable to DO anything. clean. work. read. relax. #i don't feel anything but tired and worried and a weight on my shoulders right now #and any time i step away from my work i just feel guilty because i should be working #also i just have not earned it. #i have not gotten enough work done to warrant relaxing time BECAUSE I CANNOT GET WORK DONE #god. costco needs to get these new meds in #and if they don't work... idk. i cannot keep doing school like this. i might seriously talk about getting a job for a bit. #not dropping out but just... taking a break. i can't do this for much longer. idk. #but hey. the meds may help. #my therapist is. talking to his colleagues about it which is mildly worrying #got adhd so bad he's gathering his coworkers to talk about it ksjdksjdksfhjd #he said it may be memory issues too. idk. #i mean i don't remember a vast majority of my childhood but like. that's kind of a different thing kksdskdskdjskdjskdjs #anyways. good place to stop methinks

[yuribalisms]

I think it is finally time to bite the bullet and begin the long and arduous process of getting my slew of illnesses (mental and physical) diagnosed so I can actually pursue treatment and/or accommodations with jobs because I uh, cannot do this shit anymore

#I am so tired of dragging myself to work in severe amounts of pain and misery #because if I don’t I’ll get fired #I hate doctors and any time I have ever gone none of my concerns have actually been addressed #(granted I have not gone to an actual doctor in like 8 years and they never listened to me because my mom would always talk over me and #claim everything was fine but ya know) #my migraines have become dibilitating and I’m like 95% sure I have endometriosis #not to mention the insane combo of adhd depression and ptsd that leaves me a mess more often than not #and obvi none of these things are being treated #plus my job literally DOESNT LET me take time off like it’s dead ass NOT ALLOWED #since I started there has been ONE time I got more then two days off in a row and I had to scrap and claw and beg and plead for that #so I can’t even call out because of these issues more often than not #because no time off and they only give me SIX HOURS of sick time a month #and when you work EIGHTY HOURS A MONTH that is quite literally NOTHING it’s not even a full day #and I…. just simply cannot keep living this way I feel like death more often than not #and I am too exhausted to do quite literally ANYTHING #so yeah…. I think I’m gonna have to actually find a doctor and a psychiatrist and get some of these things clinically diagnosed so I can #pursue some kind of accommodations #otherwise I’m gonna fucking lose it #kaz rambles

[meathounding]

cameron is soooo weirddddd

#house is too but that’s part of his charm #also ik he’s got like emotional problems and intimacy issues #and he most likely likes her back #but he’s made it so clear that like he isn’t interested in being in a relationship #BECAUSE of those problems (and the fact that he knows he cannot change) #so obviously if he wanted to he would’ve #but now she’s forcing him on a date so she’ll work for him again #and ofc he agreed bc he wanted her back at the office #BUT THATS SUCH A WEIRD CONDITION #and literally nothing will come out of this date #so *why* she wants it is beyond me #he’s doesn’t want a relationship with her and she doesn’t know when to quit #which is hilarious bc the whole reason they’re doing this is bc she quit #(which one of the reasons for her doing that was bc she was tired of having an unrequited* crush on house) #but then why do all that just to come back on weird conditions #if it’s *fine* if house is okay with it but like cmon

[somelazyassartist]

.

#I'm having another one of those 'i want to kill myself' nights #I'm a financial burden to everyone in my life #between all my medical issues plus needing a wheelchair plus probably needing my wisdom teeth taken out #all of which are incredibly expensive #it's not fair to anybody to have to try to deal with me like this #I'm not worth going into fucking debt over and I'm not getting any better either so what's the fucking point #if i was gone I'd stop being so fucking expensive to just keep alive #not to mention with my medical stuff i have to 'work from home' now which isn't exactly stable income #there's no guarantee how much money I'll make or how soon I'll make it which wouldn't be fair to any future roommates #i want to be able to put in as much as they would. i want to be able to pay my share of the rent and have extra to chip in with #and I'd never be fit to be a husband or father. as much as i wish i could be i just know i can't do it. #I'm in pain all the time and can't do a lot. I'm not very strong. my memory issues make it hard to keep track of anything #not to mention I've got some issues that y'know. could lead to a higher risk of maternal mortality #so even if i tried i might just fucking die anyways #I'm far too expensive to take care of. i could never make enough in 10 lifetimes to pay people back. i could never be a husband or father. #I'm so tired of being a burden to everyone i love #they deserved so much better and i want them to be happy and i just don't see how me continuing to be around does any good #they'd all be so much better off without me i can't do anything and i could never give back as much as i want to #i want to put in an equal amount of effort and money and care and love #and i know I'm not doing that and i hate it and I'm trying so hard to get to a place where i can but nothing's working #I'm so tired of being a burden. i just wish i wasn't so fucking hard to take care of. i wish i didn't need to be taken care of at all. #things really would be better if i were gone. i don't think anyone could convince me otherwise #I'd stop being in so much pain all the time and the people i love wouldn't have to put up with my dead weight (no pun intended) #everyone's lives would be so much easier if i wasn't in them #gods how fucking selfish is it of me that i haven't done it already? #i don't deserve anybody's kindness and my friends and family don't deserve to put up with my bullshit anymore #i just want them to be happy #vent #suicide tw #suicide trigger warning

[tonya-the-chicken]

One more prescription away from suicide

#Drinking all this shit is getting annoying ok????? This is too many pills for one bitch #I am joking obvi #tw suicide mention #Though #no I am actually upset at this point I am so tired of all the treatment but without it I will feel shitty too #my head hurts again please god I know I am masochist but not like this #I am treating this issue and that issue hoping that my body will work the way god intented but oh no! It turns out there's another issue #FUCKING DIE THEN??? BITCH #On better news I can go to town without feeling overwhelming fear I will die #and I don't feel like I am going to lose consciousness all the fucking time! I actually feel that pretty rarely #And I can eat food in small dosages #I think I got a bit fatter but fiance says no (I think I did 😠) #It is good to focus on good things. I can walk around and I breathe just fine now #Me head doesn't hurt as often! #my dick ain't getting up but some progress on that direction as well #periods are on time #so preoccupied with my health issues I don't have time to worry about war crimes committed against my people #vent

[lilgynt]

CRINGE. i judge my reactions to my situation like a media character but in a bad way bc i’m insane :)

#personal #oh i’m not bearing this struggle silently with no complaints #ready to help my dad everyday for the rest of my life #i’m not getting another job while making sure my mom and dad are okay and feel loved #i’m being snarky and mean at times #im constantly crying #i’m not thinking of my father kindly #i’m not just bearing it im talking about it all the time with my friends and siblings and sometimes at work #stoicism brrrrrrr lame boo boo be earnest and open yeah i know but also hm. why aren’t you just. dealing with it #so i get all of that and i start thinking if i was like a character in a book or movie or if someone was watching me #and to be polite let’s assume under their analysis of me they have a knowledge of my -back story- and inner dialogue and then i also have #to edit and adjust my thoughts anyway that’s another issue ongoing issue but just now with the dad situation #but! fun part of being insane and having some actual disposable money and not caring! #i got some clothes jewlery to symbolize how stuck i feel in subtle way and also would be sexy hot and goes with my style #and sure i’m just spending just to get out of the house or to just look forward to something im too tired to use n im my moms kids etc etc #but still sexy hot is the main focus. look at me. sexy hot. #sometimes the whole character analysis thing is comforting too. topic change but sometimes it’s :/

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#weird day. really weird day #i couldnt sleep v well bc my brain was fucked up and i was prob dehydrated so im like extremely out of focus #i did go to the health and wellness center and am now back in therapy which is why my day was so fucking wild. like im too tired so im not #opperating correctly but it was real weird. like last time i got assessed by someone who basically sorted me to a therapist according to my #problems. this time i just kinda stumbled into a 1st session with someone and i dont kno how to feel abt how it went. it was odd #like we didnt go thru like an entire thing of like what r all ur problems? it was more i started talking abt things and he got stuck on #some specific things i said and we talked abt that. which im of 2 minds abt bc he did instantly latch onto the root of some of my issues #which is that i feel fucking dumb all the time bc my brain works a little different but it also wasnt helpful bc like theres a stereotypic #verson of my experience and then theres what i actually went thru and those things dont align in the way he was talking abt it. like i #think were were just talking past eachother a bit. like he wasn't exactly wrong but i do feel a bit like i walked in with an open wound and #and he decided the best course of action was to pat me on the head and tell me im v smart so i walked out still bleeding. but i dont think #its was all bad bc it got under my skin so much. i react like a cat thrown in a bath if u try to call me smart. like fuck off. yes ok im #smart. i have a certified document saying that i have above average intelligence. big fucking whoop. im too fucking dyslexic to do anything #right and my brain is constantly trying to strangle me to death. he called me a gifted kid. fuck u i was too fucking dyslexic to b a gifted #kid. stop talking abt the positive aspects of the compulsive way i live my life when its literally strangling me to death and i want it to #stop. acknowledge my pain old man. also i hate thst therapists hate the word weird. its not a bad word i like that word. i disagree #fundamental with the assertion that its bad. also he pointed out that i talk like a freak. like a person with high intelligence. fuck u i #like words. i will peel my own skin off if u call me smart one more time. lol i was so mad. i argued with him like the whole time. also he #mentioned horoscopes which was weird but whatever. we'll see how the next one goes. i told him to his face i i didnt kno if what we talked #abt was helpful. possibly the rudest ive ever been to a stranger lol. well see how the next session goes. at least it was interesting #god. im fucking so tired and wrung out. #unrelated

[lesbiansanemi]

I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it

#I was in a relatively good mood today #work hasn’t been too bad and I get two days off starting tomorrow #(it’s rare for me to get consecutive days so I’m excited!) #plus my time off request for a weekend in may got approved and I’m super excited for the plans that are happening on that weekend #and then my roommate messaged me bitching about my cat and now I’m spiraling #hate everything hate myself anxiety levels skyrocketed feeling the intense need to upend/annihilate my entire life and start from scratch #questioning anyone who has ever said they care about me etc etc etc and it’s like wow! because of one vague text message! #this is not a normal response haha! and now that I’m aware of that #I’ve become a lot more intensely aware that these insane mood drops actually happen quite frequently for me #issue is to do anything about this I need to see a psychologist (which I’m trying to work on anyways) #but the only diagnosis I have is for adhd and idk how to go into psychiatric care like #PLEASE PUT ME ON MEDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT ME ON DRUGS AND I DONT MEAN LIKE 10 MILIGRAMS OF PROZAC TYPE SHIT #GIVE ME MOOD STABILIZERS OR AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC OR SOMETHING I AM BEGGINGGGGG I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THIS ANYMORE #I’m also mildly concerned (being afab) that if I go in pursing certain diagnoses I’ll get slapped with a bpd diagnosis #(and obviously I don’t mean that in the sense of bpd bad or I could NEVER have bpd or anything like that) #(I just mean I really don’t think I have bpd and I don’t want to be approached from the angle of needing treatment for that cuz I don’t #think it will help. if I have ANY cluster b disorder it’s def aspd lol. lmao.) #but. yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m tired of this and I’m tired of having no treatment and being in medicated #I’m tired of pretending I can function like this forever cuz obviously I can’t lol #and eventually (probably soon) it’s gonna burn me out and I’m gonna crash so hard and uh. bad things are gonna happen 😭 #kaz rambles

[shimp-heaven]

...

#hhhhhh im starving #we had bills and gas come up #and i got sick so that took a chunk out our budget #now im looking at a ad for pizza and crying LOL #we have ramen but im so freaking tired of it #plus libbys not willing to cook and i have issues cooking so maybe ill just eat it dry #sorry for the vent this time of year just sucks for me #too many people died #the anniversary of my ummm yeah #its hard not to relapse #i think im close and i think starving isnt helping it #we cant go to the food bank cause its only open when lib has work #and her shitty boss wont give her time off #and its too far to walk and if we had money for an uber i wouldn't be in this situation #sorry #ill shut up now

[swankpalanquin]

officially deciding to never again take a week vacation without actually going somewhere

#true i got some things done that i needed to do but its one of those things where the days are fine but the nights suck #at least i don't have a stomachache tonight... #i guess when i don't have to wake up early and don't have work to tire me out all my sleep issues return yay #too much time alone doesn't help either... #don't mind me just yelling into the void etc .. i'm probably just tired

[totally-normal-about-batman]

I think Bruce Wayne is a loving parent, but not a good one. He is a psychologically tormented person who never got over his trauma or developed any healthy coping mechanisms but he just keeps ending up with them and doesn’t really know what to do with the kids except what has always ‘worked for him’?

Like Dick’s parents die right in front of him and Bruce is just “hey kid, my parents died in front of me too. And you know what helped me? Punching bad guys.”

And Jason? He finds this kid stealing his tires and he’s not afraid of Batman. He doesn’t seem afraid of anything. He’s got a big heart and cares a lot about people, but no one cares about him. But he’s got a strong sense of justice So Bruce looks at the kid and goes, “hey kid, you seem lost. You know what helps me when I’m feeling lost? Punching bad guys.”

With tim it’s a little more complicated. Bc this kid showed up at his front door and put him in a corner (tim saved him) and Bruce went, “hey kid, you seem pretty good at this. I do encourage you to find a different extracurricular activity… but yes, you can punch bad guys with me.”

And with Damian it’s even more complicated but in simplest terms Bruce and Dick look at Damian and go, “hey kid, you seem like you have some issues and a weird moral compass. Do you know what makes me feel better? Punching bad guys.”

Like shit bruce I’m no expert but maybe some talk therapy or grief counselling might help. you cant just "punch bad guys to cope with your feelings" your way out of this one

#dick grayson #tim drake #jason todd #damian wayne #Batman #bruce wayne #batfam

[rodismancave]

.

#ok im not going to go into it too deeply because I know myself and if I go too deeply into it I’ll just go on and on and on #and everyone will HATE IT! #but like . oh my god. Jesus Christ dude #I feel like people really don’t know r.dimus at all. it feels TIRING to read fic because of how… ooc he is. #why all the drama? he’s dramatic sure but he’s not THAT dramatic. I can excuse it if it’s for the sake of comedy- like how I do it #Bc I’m always making him overly dramatic *for the sake of comedy* #but it’s not. it’s for angst that isn’t even fucking there #there’s so many issues with him that you could focus on but ppl make up issues that aren’t there and it’s GRAAA #it makes it so grating to read. so annoying. like the main character in a YA romance novel. #it’s tiring and it’s dramatic for no reason and it’s angst under the guise of romantic #R.dimus and d.ift would NOT have worked out. #idc what jr says. maybe they were fwb who gives a shit it fits their characters but ultimately #Rodimus fucked it up beyond repair and none of them ever addressed those issues #it’s the type of thing that’s like. yeah the fuckings good but an actual relationship with this person? sounds like hell! #I write Ro.imus as missing d.ift because he is his only close friend. #it’s the obvious ‘my best friend got married and I wish I wasn’t jealous but I am.’ trope. he is not jealous of ratchet. he encourages #the relationship. he just misses the fact Dr.ft is his *one* constant. and that’s IT #he would not be wailing over a broken relationship or a breakup because they parted on good terms. x #genuinely the only reason r.dimus even apologized to d.ift in the first place is bc he didn’t go looking for him. and that was it. #ok I went on for longer than I wanted sorry lawl! #ooc / misty forest

[raeathnos]

.

#welp calling out of work again because I still feel like shit and going back to the doctor #they gave me an antibiotic but the issue is #for the medicine they normally prescribe for sinus infections- I’m allergic to all but one of them #and it’s not a strong antibiotic- they always tell me come back you might need a second round #it’s been four days and I feel a little bit better #but I’m still bone weary tired and my fever hasn’t broken #which is kinda concerning at this point #idk what they do when you can’t take the other medications #maybe a higher dose of this one? #either that or I’m like mildly concerned it might be covid again? #I took a test on Thursday but it was negative #but I’m wondering if I took it too soon #when we all had it back in December my husband was the last of us to catch it #and he felt sick for days before he finally tested positive #I hope that’s not what’s going on with me #but I remember too I started off thinking it was like a really persistent cold #and I was gonna go to the walk in cause I thought sinus infection #and then I kind of tanked and got super sick and tested positive #so kind of concerned? #but also I’ve been dealing with the symptoms of this off and on for like two weeks #so idk at this point #I’ve got a weak immune system and everything hits twice as hard and it sucks