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dearxstangelicaa-blog · 7 years

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Helpless (Part 3)

Plot/storyline: You knew that getting a job at Hamilton: An American Musical as an ensemble member would be challenging. You didn’t mean to fall for Lin and now it’s just another part of your life you need to fight to keep in control.

* I know this changed a lil from the original but the original intro was sorta shit so i decided to make it sound a lil better.

Disclaimer: I’ve had experience backstage and onstage during musicals and plays so i know kind of what I’m talking about and the rest is made up. I don’t know what kind of work gets put into a broadway musical and by no means trying to make it seem easy cause show biz is super hard. Also I’m pretending that the obc is still together at this time.

A big thank you to my first follower on here @ghitatheo . I swear I was smiling like a lil kid for about five straight minutes cause I was super happy. Also big thanks to @secretschuylersister for replying to my ask and telling me she likes this story. I like actually fangirled super hard. If you didn’t know I read ‘But You’re You’ and I decided to join the world of Lin sin.

*Also sorry for any grammar mistakes cause I suck at the english language. (considering this is my second language i think i should get a free pass)

Lin x Reader Words: 1463 Warnings: like two swear words I think but thats impressive for me because im australian and its in our blood to swear like sailors It’s been three weeks since you started rehearsals. Three weeks since your life was turned upside down. You always knew that theatre was the most accepting place in the world and the cast of Hamilton only helped you prove your point. You had never met people as kind and as nurturing as Renée or Pippa. Or someone who could make you laugh for hours on end like Andrew and Daveed could. You were always in constant stitches over the elaborate stories they told you. Oak who at first seemed like the most intimidating guy on the cast, but, turned out to be the human embodiment of a teddy bear. Although, you still couldn’t master your nerves enough to talk to Lin for more than a few minutes. You knew you couldn’t avoid him forever but that didn’t men that you couldn’t try to. Yet again you found your thoughts consumed with Lin. Why was he taking up so much of your time. You were gonna have your broadway debut this weekend. This little crush of yours was far less important than the most astronomical event in your career. You were deep in thought when you heard Pippa speak up next to you. “So I was thinking…”, “oh that’s not a good idea” you tried to say with a straight face but fail miserably. “Hey!” Pippa said as she pokes you on your side lightly, “as I was saying before I got so rudely interrupted”. The little squabble manage to get the attention of Renée and Jazzy. “ How about to celebrate your opening night on broadway tomorrow, we have a sleepover at my place? I know it’s not exactly glamorous, but, considering we’ve got a two show day the day after I thought that would be the best”. “That actually sounds perfect, it’s been forever since I’ve had a slumber party”. “Good, because Jazzy, Reneé and I were already planning it so you really had no choice”. Diggs on hearing your little conversation decided to share his utmost eloquent thoughts. “Wait, you’re not going to allow me to get hammered with my best friend on the night of her first broadway show. Un-Expectable.” Pippa looked over to him with a smile on her face as she said, “for some reason I think you’ll live Diggs”. He mimed like he was being shot to the heart. Drama queen. “Oh and this an all girls night. No boys allowed in this celebration. We’re going to have an old-fashioned slumber party”. You never really had many friends that were girls. Well you had friends that were girls obviously, but, never ones that you were really close to. “Seems a little unfair that you’re hogging Y/N from us on her opening night” said Lin with a less than pleased tone in his voice. “hmmmm, I wonder why that is Lin?”, Jazzy said while wriggling her eyebrows. Now, you knew Lin to be many things, gorgeous, nice and a genius but flustered and lost for words was never something you expected to see on him. “I was just thinking, oh just.. whatever, forget I said anything”. Before you could even start to wonder why Lin might’ve reacted like that you hear Alex say, “Come on kids, its back to work we go”. Pippa smiled knowingly at you but you decided to shake it off and concentrate on rehearsals. Ok, chill. You were an hour away from your big broadway debut and you were freaking the hell out. Now, nerves were normal for you. You always got nerves before you went onstage and you knew it was because you cared. But today, it seemed like a wall of anxiety came crashing down on your and wasn’t going to stop. You were just thinking about all the things that could go wrong. What if you trip onstage, or forget the dance moves. you’d be a goner. You’d probably get kicked out of the show. No, stop it. You were so lost in that little mind palace of yours that you didn’t realise that someone was knocking on the door to the ensembles dressing room. “Um… Y/N”, you jump around to find Lin standing at the front of the door with flowers in his hands. “Oh, sorry I was just thinking about tonight, what can I do for you?”. “Well it’s more like what I can do for you. I got you these flowers for tonight. I know its not much but I just wanted to wish you luck tonight. Being your broadway debut and all but I know you’ll do fine. You’re super talented and I know you will blow us all away”. You saw Lin nervously babbling and nothing in the world could have made you forget your anxiety than that moment. You were pretty sure that the blush on your face could have matched the one on his face. “Thank you, Lin. This means so much to me. You don’t know how thankful I am to have been cast in Hamilton. I hope I can make you and the rest of the guys proud.” Ok, now you were sure your blush was even worse than his, but the smile on his face made it worthwhile. “You’ll be great, we’re all rooting for you. Um.. I better go get ready but I’ll see you after the show”. You returned his smile and said “See you after the show”. Before, you could comprehend what was happening Lin engulfed you into a huge bear hug. You hug him back almost instantly and for a bit too long in some peoples opinion but in that moment you didn’t care. “Ok… I’ll see you soon”, “see ya” and you saw Lin walk away with a huge grin on his face. Alright. Time to get ready for the show. You took the crowd in around you. They were all on their feet. It was the moment that made you realise that you were right about the theatre. You were glad that all these people saw how well you did and were so proud to be apart of this musical. You’re the last o leave the stage that night, you were trying to take everything. The second you got off stage three tiny bodies hurtled into you and gave you the hug of your life. Pippa, Renée and Jasmine were all squeezing you like they wanted to drain the life out of you. A chorus of “you did so well”, “I’m so proud of you” and “you’re a star” started to ring all around you. after they let you go you made sure to thank them profusely for their ever growing support and love. “Aww you might just make me tear up. Come on, my house is waiting and those Disney movies and face masks wont do themselves y’know”. The rest of the ensemble came up to give you hugs and tell you how well you did and a few even looked like they were tearing up. You told the girls you would see them soon and made your way into the dressing room to get your stuff. “My, my, little missy, where’s my hug”, you jumped around to see Daveed standing in the room and you can just tell by his grin that he wanted to scare you again. “You’re a dick, y’know that”. “One would say a loveable dick” you chuckle at his retort. “Come on superstar give me a hug”. You wrap your arms around him and stay there for a few seconds before a cough interrupts you two. You pull apart to see Lin standing at the doorway an you make your way over. “Hi, Y/N, I just wanted to say you were amazing and we’re so lucky to have you. Have a fun night with the girls, I’ll see you later yeah?”, “Thank you for saying that, it means so much coming from you”. “Ok…”, Lin moves to wrap his arms around you but this time on your waist and embarrassingly enough you were the one that tightened the embrace. You pull apart and you watch as Lin presses a kiss to your forehead. “Goodnight, Y/N”. You dreamily watch him walk off before you are rudely interrupted by Daveed’s chuckle. “What?” you ask somewhat tentatively. “Nothing, I just think you guys have more tension in you than a suspension bridge”. “Fuck off, Diggs”. “It would be my pleasure”, he kisses you on the forehead before he walks out leaving you to contemplate what just happened. Before you can come up with any reasoning in your head you get a wave of texts telling you to get your ass over to Pippa’s ASAP. Oh well, your feelings could wait another day.

#lin x reader #slowburn #hamfic #hamilton #fanfiiction #part 3 #writing #thank you all for reading

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tomcruiseisshortandsoami · 7 years

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A posted my Hamilton fanfic’s new chapter!! It’s super long so that’s why it took so much time (Read: I’m lazy)

It has 26k plus words, so... read? Review? Please?

It’s a college AU, pretty good i think??

Just a description:

Pairings: Jamilton, Laurens x Peggy, Marliza, Aaron x Theodosia, Washette, King George x Angelica (Yes, you read that right), Kingbury.

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le-sejour · 7 years

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Just Like You, Only Sweeter

Words: 1976

Pairing: wouldn’t u like to know jk it’s Thomas Jefferson x Reader with a surprise

World: Modern AU

Warning: Sexy, sexy things in here mhm (not smut tho, but pretty suggestive), also profanity and actual dickbaggery, angst

A/N: Hey hey hey hey hey so on this episode of “shouldn’t be writing this because I have requests to fill but still wrote it anyway” So I’ve been listening to my old music playlist back in 2010-ish? and ya kno how teenagers are w their edgy music and #Relatable lyrics. This fic was the love child of listening to All American Rejects and Fall Out Boy. Points if you can guess which songs inspired these lmao

Thomas groaned in pleasure, his hands gripping your hips tightly as you peppered kisses down his jaw to his neck. God, you were beautiful. So, so beautiful.

“Who has to know?”

You murmured against his skin as you mounted him, your black-lined eyes half-lidded and the stink of alcohol unmistakably heavy on your breath.

He knew this was just a one-night stand. A rebound. And he was perfectly fine with that. Your ex, Alexander Hamilton, had actually grown a pair big enough to come crawling back to Eliza, the woman he cheated on, leaving you to rot in your head for weeks on end.

You had planned on sulking around your apartment watching Friends reruns and binging on ice cream. Thomas had suggested getting drinks.

“He told me he would make it right with me.” You had sobbed into your multicolored drink, tears smudging your mascara somewhat. Your dark-skinned companion tried not to stare too much, but found that he couldn’t help it. You were mesmerizing even when you looked like a blotchy raccoon. His heart clenched. “He said he envisioned a future with me! A family an-and kids!”

“Hamilton’s an idiot, [F/Name].” He murmured matter-of-factly, instinctively using his thumb to wipe your tears away. He felt her skin jump at the contact. “He had the most scintillating woman in New York City, and he let it go. It’s his loss.”

His breath hitched when you looked up at him through damp lashes, still managing to look enticing despite crying for over three hours. His mind went into overdrive, desperately trying to keep the trickle of feelings at bay.

He watched with controlled interest as you worried your bottom lip, his heart beat pounding loudly in his ears. He can’t allow himself to give in. It was better this way, he chanted in his head like a mantra.

But oh, how her eyes shined iridescent against the dark.

“Would you have done the same, Thomas?” You whispered, leaning into him ever so slightly. His control was hanging by a thread. “Would you have left me like he did?”

He stared into your eyes once more, losing himself in them as he all but gave in to his desires.

“Never.” He whispered, voice strained and thick with want.

You closed the gap between you two, pressing your lips hungrily against his. You needed the friction, the intimacy. You wanted to feel wanted. And when you reached completion late into the night, your head thrown back in bliss as his hands still gripped your hips tightly, you’d like to think you were.

You never saw him around in the weeks following your drunken tryst. It was as if he never existed. He wasn’t in his apartment, or his favorite bar, or the library. You even tried visiting his workplace, but all you got was his secretary telling you he had opted to work from home.

Oh.

The silent walk back to your apartment was filled with sniffling and attempts to choke back your sobs, going through your memories of that night.

Did you say anything wrong? Was the sex bad? He had seemed so eager to bed you, and the morning after was spent lazing around and cuddling his apartment. What did you do? What changed that night after you went home?

You tried to ignore the tightening in your chest as you reached the front steps of your apartment building, but there was only so much you could do to reign in your emotions. Collapsing onto the steps, you sobbed uncontrollably into your hands.

Why is this happening to you? Didn’t Thomas like you? Didn’t Alexander like you? Did anyone like you?

“[F/Name]?”

You looked up from your pathetic, curled position, tears still streaming down your cheeks. Your heart seemed to heal instantly as you recognized those head of curls.

“Thomas.”

Thomas Jefferson was not an emotionally intelligent man.

He was cunning, and crafty, and wise beyond his years. But you’d be damned to think he was, in any way, in complete control of anything that doesn’t involve his head.

After your pity romp, he was a mess. The moment you kissed him had opened the dam that held all the things he felt for you at bay. It flooded out into every kiss, every stroke, every breathy moan he made because of your ministrations. It seeped into everything he touched.

And he was terrified.

He wanted to be with you every second of every day so badly it hurt. He wanted to care for you, support you. Be the reason for your smiles and laughter. The need to be yours never used to be this intense. It was jarring.

So he left.

It was much easier to be your friend. He could occasionally flirt with you without consequence, and you could spill every thought and opinion to him when even Alexander had trouble wheedling it out of you. Nothing was complicated, nothing was at stake. You both worked better that way. It was better that way.

Wasn’t it?

A month had passed, then two, into his self-imposed isolation and he began to doubt himself. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he had let himself overthink your situation. But…

God, he was a jackass.

He had left you. You came to him in your hour of need and he took advantage of it. He left you for dead after being so intimate with you. You needed him, you were in pieces. And he left you.

You probably hated him. No, he was sure you hated him. With everything he’s done, he wouldn’t be surprised. He left you after explicitly saying he wouldn’t.

He’s definitely fucked up this time.

Grabbing his jacket, he made his way to the door. He didn’t know what he was going to do, or how to do it, he just knew he needed to make this right somehow.

You nervously picked at the assortment of flowers on your lap, your stomach churning with anticipation and nerves. Of course, you’ve practiced this whole thing plenty of times before. But actually being here, today, was definitely more than you bargained for.

“Hey,” You turned your head to acknowledge the voice, smiling slightly as you see the familiar face of James Madison. “It seems like almost everyone is here.”

The smile on your face was shaky at best, the anxiety in your eyes shining through. “Yeah? That’s-that’s good…”

James smiled at you reassuringly before stepping into the backseat with you. His warm presence enveloped the car, giving you a slight confidence boost. “You’re nervous.”

You laughed. “Is it that obvious?”

“It’s normal.” He answered, taking the bouquet from you before you pluck all the petals out. “What’s worrying you?”

“God,” Exhaling, you looked up, tears inexplicably welling in your eyes. “I don’t- This is insane. I never would have thought…”

The man beside you simply nodded in response, letting you have the moment to express yourself.

“Two years ago, I never would have imagined…” You trailed off, fanning your face in an attempt to blink back tears. “He’s everything I’ve hoped for and more, James. I-I’m scared that I’ll wake up and find myself on the front steps of my old apartment again…”

You were seated on a park bench, sun shining like a halo on you, as Thomas watched you laugh. Your hair fluttered gracefully as you threw your head back. He smiled, memorizing every curve and hollow of your face. He reveled in the fact that he was right. You were beautiful through and through.

His hand wandered slyly to your thigh, making you turn to him with an unreadable gaze. He smiled innocently, those pearly whites of his shining unabashedly. You rolled your eyes as your hands found his and laced your fingers together.

How could he have been that lucky?

He leaned over and whispered in your ear, causing you to turn red and shift in your seat. He pulled away to look at you, his eyes darkening with desire. Oh, how he wished to be the friction in those jeans you wore.

You leaned in to press a passionate kiss on his lips, your hands coming up to cradle his cheeks. He pulled you closer by the waist, nibbling on your bottom lip gently before separating.

With the grace of a cat, he pulled you up with him and brushed a stray lock of hair away from your face, murmuring how he wanted to get you home and in bed as soon as possible.

How could you have been this lucky?

James led you to the huge cathedral doors, your gown flowing easily around you, while the veil you wore drifted to and fro at every move you made.

“Are you ready, [F/Name]?” You looked up as a fresh pool of tears made its way to your eyes.

“Thank you, Jemmy… For everything.” You whispered, throwing your arms around him in a tight, tearful hug. He returned the hug just as fiercely, your head tucked under his chin.

“I would never leave you alone like that, [F/Name].” He murmured, his voice thick with emotion and an edge you couldn’t describe. “Now go, Mulligan is waiting to walk you down the aisle.”

Nodding, you reluctantly let go of the man you had quickly considered a best friend within the two years you’ve known each other for. Straightening your back, you walked through the cathedral doors, entering the small lobby just before the main hall.

“And [F/Name].” James called out, causing you to turn slightly while Hercules fussed with your gown. “Remember, this is real. It’s real, and you deserve this.”

You beamed at him, watery and emotional, before being led away.

James stared into the cathedral, watching you float down the aisle like a cloud. Your back was turned to him but he could feel the happiness radiating from you as you passed friends and family.

A few seconds later, without as much as a turn of his head, he called out a name that hasn’t crossed his lips for a while now.

“Thomas.”

Without missing a beat, a figure loomed behind the smaller man before taking his place beside him.

“James.”

The Virginian, like his companion, stared straight into the cathedral, watching you finally reach the man who had helped you pick up the pieces. The man he saw making you laugh that day at the park. The lucky bastard who now gets to spend his days with you, build a family with you, grow old with you. All the things Thomas could now only dream about.

“Gilbert will make her happy.” James said, as if hearing the other man’s thoughts. They always did have an unnerving knack for reading the other. Thomas rolled his eyes.

“He has the most scintillating woman in New York City. Of course he’ll make her happy. He’d be an idiot not to…”

The other man said nothing, merely coughing into his handkerchief as silence fell over the pair of them.

“You know why she’s taken such a liking to him, right?”

Thomas opted not to reply, instead choosing to watch you recite your vows. He knew you were beautiful even on a normal day, but today you were simply breathtaking, even from his perch by the large, ornate doors. What he wouldn’t do to be the man standing at the altar with you.

“You left a bad taste in her mouth, Thomas.” They continued to watch the wedding, watched as you exchanged rings, watched as the priest gave people like Thomas a chance to speak. “Gilbert… He’s just like you. Only, sweeter.”

Silence filled the air of the cathedral as they waited for anyone to protest the union.

Thomas finally turned to James, his eyes brimming with tears as a few already trailed down his cheeks.

“I know.”

#hello darkness my old friend #why am i like thiiis #hamilton #thomas jefferson x reader #thomas jefferson imagine #thomas jefferson #lafayette x reader #lafayette imagine #marquis de lafayette #hamilton imagine #hamilfics #hamfics #hamiltrash

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that-gal-kay · 4 years

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Dare I open up my inbox for fic requests?

I’m looking for HamFic inspiration. Throw some ideas my way and maybe help me overcome this horrible writer’s block I’ve had most of the year. :3

#Hamilton #Hamilton fanfic #writer's block

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dearhamiltons-blog · 7 years

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john laurens. knows swear words in like ten different languages. freckles. his entire face lights up when he laughs. always talking, no matter who’s in the room. the mastermind behind all pranks; he finds loopholes and makes plans, then smooth-talks them all out of trouble. only drinks three things; water, orange juice and sam adams beer. constantly cold despite his multiple layers of clothing. insomniac. really likes showers. gentle, kind, compassionate; but also, devious, snarky, stubborn. science connoisseur. loves taking pictures of the hamilsquad doing simple things. flirts with everyone and everything when he’s drunk. so, so grateful for his best friends. always playing old music on his record-player in the dorm. perfectly okay with being unnoticed, as long as he still has his friends at his side. gets bored easily when watching movies, unless it’s star wars or harry potter. curls around the closest pillow or person when he’s asleep. couldn’t care less if his shirt is buttoned or if his tie is straight, and never bothers to retie his shoelaces. always gives meaningful, personal gifts. has a sense of domesticity about him; he can make a foreign room seem like home. too preoccupied to tidy up after himself, so the area around his bed is always cluttered and disorganized. when he gets an idea or is brainstorming, his mind moves a million miles an hour and its impossible to stop him. the most articulate of the group; he could make the simplest sentence sound like poetry. really good at drawing, but doesn’t usually do it. loves biology, especially if it’s marine biology. can’t even bother with physics, though. content in silence, but he finds it strange when he can’t hear his best friends arguing over something in the background. tries to notice every little thing, even if it’s just the way his friend’s eyes look just a little brighter when they laugh.

alexander

#college au #i have no idea what this is pt 2 #hamilton #hamilton hcs #hamilton headcanon #hamilton au #hamilton college au #hamilsquad #hamilsquad headcanon #hamilsquad hcs #john laurens #hamfics

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kian-bera · 5 years

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So it was suppose to be Samuel Seabury from Hamilton. Which then it turned into a sad one horned demon who lost his horn in a fight to another demon. Then realized I made a hamfic on that and realized that could literally be Samuel from my story. So there you guys go, a one horned demon Samuel Seabury

#hamilton #samuel seabury

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icarusandtheson · 6 years

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Have you watched Turn?

nah. i’m here for hamilton’s kind of retelling of the rev war but i’m not interested in the subject matter itself. it’s... fraught. there’s a reason i find it difficult to write canon era even for hamfic. there’s a lot of weight there, and i don’t think i can do it justice.

and i mean. you all know me by now. you think i’d watch anything where cjack ISN’T gwash and not just be filled with bitterness the entire time? it’s not fair to the show, don’t inflict me on it.

#ask #Anonymous

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pitcherplant · 7 years

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An Eventual Alliance — Narrative and Resolution — The Eye of the Hurricane — One Final Surprise

NOW COMPLETE!!!

#bpi #my pg life #hamfic #gestating an elephant here

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acemads · 6 years

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Fkskskf Ricky posted hamfic and my first reaction was just?? Hamfic? In my 2018???

#i aint mad #speak up janelle

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le-sejour · 7 years

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Fundamental Truths

Words: 1935

World: Hamiltime

Pairing: One sided Alexander x Reader

Warnings: Angst

A/N: Just wanted to project my own grief and inner turmoil in an inconspicuous manner like say fi c t io n?

Enjoy~

“A toast to the groom,” You slurred, raising a bottle of whiskey you had snatched off of your father’s stash. “To the bride.”

Was the room supposed to tilt this way? It almost felt like you were sinking. Nonetheless, you carried on with your speech.

“From your best friend,” If you focused hard enough, you could almost make out their faces. “Who was always by your side…”

You attempted to lean against a table for support but were surprised to find nothing there to brace your weight. Your inebriated self tumbled to the floor, the skirts of your gown thankfully cushioning you from the fall.

“To your union, and the hope that you provide…”

You were still on the floor. The room spun before your eyes as you laid there.

You weakly raised the bottle.

“May you always be satisfied.”

Silence greeted your words, the dark and desolate room swallowing the noise almost immediately as it left your lips. Your eyes surveyed what it could from your vantage point. There was your dresser and your window seat and your bookshelf with your little ornate box of letters…

A strangled sob left your lips as you gingerly propped yourself up.

You were a wreck. A mess. Your dress was soiled from the alcohol and dusty floors, your hair falling from its previously elegant bun. And, you couldn’t see it, but you knew the make up on your face was smudged and runny. Christ. Alexander would hate to see you like this.

A beat.

You laughed at the thought. A bitter, broken chuckle that almost bordered hysterical as your hand came up to grip your hair.

Alexander Hamilton.

Your mind ran through all the memories you had together, lingering on the moments his smiles and gaze were directed only to you. You almost smiled back in return.

Then you remembered that night, that one night that has haunted you through your waking days. You squeezed your eyes shut, as if the action could somehow force your brain to stop thinking.

That damned Winter’s ball and its prized jewels; the Schuyler Sisters.

You stared into the bottle of whiskey again as you felt anger and helplessness rise up within you. In the dim of night, you could barely make out your reflection in the amber liquid.

It had been a starry night, that night.

The wind was nothing but a chilly breeze, the pure, driven snow transforming the city into a magnificently magical landscape.

The Schuyler’s manor, in its entire splendor, was even grander than it normally was. It seemed to reflect the glittering winter wonderland outside, while still projecting an air of warmth and grandeur. A detail that deeply awed and excited the guests.

The ballroom was abuzz with the whispers of appreciation for the venue; the food was in such an appetizing display, the orchestra playing the most angelic tunes, and of course, everyone dressed to the nines in their best finery.

It was certainly one way to throw a ball.

But you couldn’t help the sigh that escaped you; earning you a few looks from the ladies you were begrudgingly standing around with. Everything about this ball was beautiful, but there was something missing.

Or, rather, someone.

“May I have the honor of sharing this dance with you, my lady?”

Speak of the devil.

You quickly turned away from the circle of gossipy women, a beaming smile radiating off your face as the fabric of your skirt swished and billowed around you.

“Alexander!”

“At your service,” The Caribbean replied with a flourish of his hand. “I’d apologize for being late but you seem to be having the time of your life.”

You rolled your eyes at his teasing.

He, of all people, knew how uncomfortable you felt socializing with those who considered themselves “old money”.

“It’s been awful, Alexander.” You smacked him lightly on his arm as he’s leading you onto the dance floor. “They’ve been pestering me about courtship and marriage nonstop.”

Your partner laughed as he twirled you around. “Sounds like an interesting way to spend the night.”

“Don’t get me started, Alex. One even told me that I’m soon past my prime for popping babies, like they were talking about the weather! The nerve!”

The two of you spent a few songs like that, just laughing and catching up. He would lead you into graceful dips and turns, his eyes never leaving yours as you moved through the ballroom. His arms were protectively situated around your waist.

It was perfect. The ambiance, the looks, the way he held you close to him during a particularly slow song… You couldn’t help but fall even harder for the young writer.

Your eyes found his again before noticing how close the two of you had actually gotten. It was close enough to be considered improper, but you didn’t move away. His face was so close. Too close. Almost as if you could just lean in and…

“Ladies and Gentlemen!”

The music lulled to a softer and quieter song as a booming voice announced its presence. You and Alexander separated quickly, a crowd gathering around you. Your cheeks burned and your lips tingled in disappointment. Were you really just about to…

Whispers drifted to your ears like a breeze. Seems like Philip Schuyler was about to introduce his daughters. He appears to be thanking everyone present but your attention was diverted to searching the crowd for the man you almost just kissed. He was suddenly gone from your side.

“-Angelica, Elizabeth, and Margarita Schuyler!”

The whole ballroom was thrown into a frenzy of murmurs. The Schuyler sisters were beyond stunning to look at. They seemed to float through the stairs leading into the ballroom, their whole appearance wonderfully dream-like. But you were still focused on looking for your dear Alexander.

“If you could marry a sister, you’re rich, son.” Your ears perked up at the dialogue. While that was true, you couldn’t believe the impropriety of the scoundrel who said it. As if all there was to the sisters were their fortune.

“Is it a matter of ‘if’, Burr, or ‘which one’?”

You stopped in your tracks as you heard the reply. You would know that voice anywhere.

Suddenly, your whole body felt like it was doused in cold water, seized by the icy claws of dread. He wouldn’t.

You looked to where you heard the voices, your gaze zeroing in on the man you’ve pined for for years. He was talking to a looming fellow with a wolfish grin.

You made your way to him.

“Excusez-moi, mademoiselle.”

You hadn’t realized it yet, but you had made the mistake of turning to face whoever was addressing you. He stood, no, towered, over you in his soldier’s regalia; a charming smile stretching his lips when you turned around.

“Um.. yes..?”

He held out his hand to you, a hopeful look in his sparkling brown eyes.

“May I ‘ave this ‘onor of dancing with the most beautiful woman in the room?”

Your face flushed red at the compliment. Of course, propriety dictated you to say yes to the man in front of you, lest you draw rumors to yourself and shame to your family. But you were still yearning to be back in someone else’s arms.

“I-I.. um..”

You stared at his hand before turning your head just in time to see Alexander kiss Angelica Schuyler’s hand. You felt your heart drop to your stomach. God, you were done for.

Defeatedly, you placed your hand gingerly on top of the man’s outstretched one.

“The honor is mine, sir.”

“Please, call me Gilbert.”

You laughed to yourself; suddenly back in the pitch black darkness of your room. You should have just continued on. You should have just pretended to not have heard the Frenchman. Maybe then, you could have stopped all this.

Taking a long swig from the bottle in your hands, you thought to yourself how you couldn’t have done that to Lafayette. He was a good man. He hadn’t known many people at the ball, and took a chance with asking you to dance with him. So you did. Even though you knew he could have gotten any girl to dance with him without really trying.

He was an absolute gentleman. You had no doubt your parents would have loved him. Despite struggling to speak your language, his wit and affability was boundless as you waltzed across the room.

The Marquis ended up monopolizing you the whole night.

You didn’t mind, though the emptiness in your chest screamed otherwise. He was decent company; attentive, witty, and well-meaning. He even introduced you to his friends at one point.

And just your luck, one of them happened to be the very man you were enamored with.

“Mon ami!” Lafayette exclaimed as he lead you to Alexander, his hand sitting atop the one you had resting on his arm. “I ‘ave not seen you all night, my friend! I wanted to introduce you to cette belle femme!”

Your smile refused to reach your eyes as Alexander greeted you and informed Lafayette he did, in fact, know you.

Elizabeth Schuyler was on his arm, her face positively glowing with adoration. It didn’t take an expert to see that she was absolutely helpless for him. After all, that must’ve been how you looked like when you met him all those years ago.

You gave her a weak hello, willing to the gods your voice didn’t sound as shaky as you felt, before your respective partners lead you back onto the dance floor.

You never saw Alexander again after that night.

Not during your weekly strolls through the market, not at your porch looking for another book to borrow, not even at the local bar he loved to frequent. He just… disappeared. Weeks rolled by with no word from him, no letter. Just the old ones you hid in your little ornate box that you took to rereading.

That was, until a letter finally arrived for you in the form of an invitation to a wedding reception. You had choked back a sob, feeling dismayed. Cheated. Absolutely betrayed that your closest friend, and longest love, had gone and gotten married.

Your chest tightened and ached at the thought. It was a fundamental truth that Alexander never saw you as more than a friend. A sister, perhaps, but never the woman he would spend his life with. Raise a family with. You were smart, sharp-tongued, and rebellious. Quick-witted and determined, just like him.

You knew he saw you as an equal, but not through your merits. You were an equal, but like looking in a mirror. You were too much like him, and you supposed it was why your relationship would never have worked. He was always trying to outrun his situation, his past. Himself. And you were someone he saw himself in.

And now here you were, at home, hours before the festivities were set to cease, sniffling into a bottle of burning hard liquor instead of wishing your best friend the best in his new life. Like Angelica had done for her sister, Elizabeth, a woman filled with wit and intelligence, but also patience and compassion. A perfect match for your Alexander.

“And I know,” You whispered to yourself, imagining their ongoing celebration with a heavy heart. Wishing for once that you could swap truths with lies for once. “She’ll be happy as his bride.”

“And I know,” Your heart splintered and cracked, your voice breaking as another sob ripped through you. “He will never be satisfied.”

“I will never be satisfied.”

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