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themalhambird · 7 months

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The world is not real: Charlotte cannot touch it. This -news-, this tragedy is not real either, and it cannot touch her. There’s too much cotton in her ears, there’s an endless, keening chime slowly boring through her skull- in at one temple, out at the other- a continuous line, all the way through…

She is sitting on the sofa. There’s a cup and saucer cradled in her hands. She doesn’t remember picking it up, but the steam is ghosting over her face. It’s fresh. (Her husband is dead). Polly must have given it to her. (Her husband died at his own hand.) They have a visitor, she ought to be showing more hospitality. She wonders if there’s any of that fruitcake left. (Alfred confessed to murder. Alfred confessed to murder, and then Alfred murdered himself)

“Mama?”

Polly’s voice, soft and tentative as it is, makes her jump. Tea sloshes, spills over, pools in the delicate saucer. She shakes herself and focuses her gaze on Sir Julian. “That’s not,” she tries, but the sound barely forms. Charlotte pauses, swallows, tries again. “That’s not right,” she says, unsure if she’s really addressing Sir Julian Harker or merely facing his direction whilst trying to bargain with a Higher Power. “That’s not- none of this is right, Alfred wouldn’t- he wouldn’t do any of it, any of this…” But he has. He has, he has, he has, and when he comes home she’s going to skin him alive. “What will we do?” she asks, as the first beginnings of fear worm their way through the numbness of shock. “The disgrace of it-”

“Mama!” Polly cries, indignant. “At this moment, of all moments, your thoughts cannot be of what other people will think- what does that matter, what do any of them matter!”

It matters because they have never been reckless with money, but savings will not last forever and Charlotte doesn’t know if the widows of Police Inspectors who confess to capital offences and then take their own lives qualify for any sort of pension. It matters because the disapprobation of society in any circumstances can be death by a thousand cuts, whereas the widow who has the sympathies of her community has a better chance at maintaining a somewhat genteel situation. It matters because the infamy of the father will cast a shadow over the life and the character of the daughter- the best chance for Polly, now, is marriage, but what respectable, decent man would want a father- in- law six feet deep in unconsecrated ground?

“Mrs Hillinghead,” Sir Julian says solemnly, “I wish to assure you that you and your daughter will have the fullness of my protection. The events of the last twenty four hours- they will not reflect on you, nor on your daughter. You have my word.”

She acknowledges his words without really understanding- it will not be until much later, lying in a too-empty bed and staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep- that Charlotte will consider that Harker told Polly about Alfred’s death before he told her, that he stood as close to Polly’s chair as proprietary allows for, that he has seemed- these past few weeks- to admire Polly: her beauty, her music. And perhaps nothing will come of it but friendship- , but the friendship of a man that powerful is not an asset to be scorned. And if it turns into anything more…

They were nineteen, she and Alfred, when they married- they had been friends their whole lives before that. And she had known about him: years before they had married, she had known that his desires steered his eyes not towards the ranks of giggling, frivolous girls who batted their eyelashes at his well built figure and handsome face, but to other members of his own sex. And she had ignored it, because she knew him: he was too good a man to act on those desires. And he was kind, and gentle, and they were friends, and a husband who would be perfectly happy to conduct a marriage with minimal activity in the matrimonial bed suited Charlotte. She had courted him as much as he had courted her, really, although whether he ever realised that…

And he’s dead. Her best friend of nearly forty years. The murder confession, she has already written off- she neither knows nor cares about the details. If it was a false confession, then he confessed to try and protect someone- probably that journalist, given the confession it prompted to her, and she is furious at him. She is furious at him for not protecting his wife and child, and for not letting the journalist face whatever justice he merited- unless, of course, the man threatened to reveal Alfred’s inclinations, and take the Inspector who had detected his crimes down along with him. That seems, to Charlotte, the most likely explanation. And if the confession is- was- true, then Alfred must have had good reason for taking another man’s life: she has seen him carry spiders in the palm of his hand to release them outside, rather than squash them underfoot; she has listened to him vent his frustrations about officers being too heavy handed with their arrests at more dinners than she can remember. Taking another human life…it must have broken something in his mind, which would explain being in such a state that he would…. It does not matter. Alfred is dead, either way- she is a widow, either way. And she will encourage Julian Harker’s friendship, because if Polly can catch him she will have a comfortable home, and a husband who seems a good hearted and generous man. And she, Charlotte, will grieve Alfred Hillinghead. But if his death unravels into the scandal she fears, then she will take care to grieve him quietly. She will survive this. She has to. She has to survive this so that there’s someone who remembers that Alfred Hillinghead played cricket as a boy and took two sugars in his tea.

#bodies netflix #bodies 2023 #suicide ts #homophobia ts #(victorian-typical attitudes)#alfred hillinghead #charlotte hillinghead #trying to flesh Charlotte out a bit beyond 'generic victorian wife/mother #(also trying to get a handle on the Polly and Mannix happy timeline because they seemed to get married very quickly #but Charlotte wasn't in mourning dress during the ceremony so either there was a much longer gap than implied or Charlotte wasn't following #the usual customs for victorian widows)#anyway she didn't seem surprised when Alfred told her he was attracted to other men so I'm working on the basis that she worked it out #for herself long ago #And because I can I'm imagining Charlotte Hillinghead as somewhere on the ace spectrum who had #doesn't want sex every ten minutes #at the top of her shopping list when considering potential husbands #my fic #long post

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pushing500 · 8 months

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Candlelight is making sure Andy learns every important skill he will need to survive in the far reaches of the galaxy.

Irwin is very proud of this masterwork bucket he made. Good job, Irwin, I'm sure that valiant effort could not have been better spent on any other projects.

Every time I see stuff like this, I like to imagine that my colonists can hear everything that's happening on the other side of the wall and just stoically try to ignore it.

His surname may be Cook, but he's engineered as a soldier and has zero cooking ability. I'm sorry, Henry, but you won't be doing any kitchen work anytime soon.

Fortunately, freshly resurrected Wendy is willing to give Henry a cooking lesson, so hopefully, this will make him feel better about not being allowed to use the stove.

Wendy does have two bionic eyes now, but she didn't when I drew this. The 'regrow limb' psycast does not fix blindness or dementia, but I figured it was worth a shot.

Do you think Fafo has been writing letters to Grand-Aunty Rebi or calling her on the Comms Console to chat about life? Maybe Fafo mentioned Barghest in passing, and Grand-Aunty Rebi decided he sounded nice (her proposal was politely rejected because Barghest is asexual, and also, I don't want him to leave).

I don't know any jokes about fighting orcas, so this one will have to do. Ugh. Wookshys is, unfortunately, a very good fiance. It annoys me.

There were four manhunter guinea pigs in this attack, which Irwin and Zonovo dealt with all by themselves. Good job, boys!

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#rimworld #gracie plays #The Animist Alliance #art #my art #traditional art #rimworld art #unpolished art #Candlelight seems like a fun teacher #So does Wendy actually #And the kids are so cute!!#I try to draw Henry looking more gruff most of the time #I imagine he is very serious about his future role as genetically-modified supersoldier #But what eight-year-old doesn't like cake?#Drawing Wendy's bionic eyes is going to be tricky #I don't know how far I want to go with the bionic look #I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get to it #Have a lovely week everyone! Happy October! xoxo

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dangerous-advantage · 7 months

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(Image description below 'read more' line.)

[Image ID: A four-by-four alignment chart on a white background with text descriptions to the left and to the top of the squares.

The top left description reads, "seems like they'd be good at parenting." The top right description reads, "seems like they'd be bad at parenting."

Then, from the top down, to the left of the squares, the other set of descriptions reads: "excellent child rearing instincts," and "never trust them with a child in your life."

Each of the four squares contains an image of a different character. At the top left is an image of Lan Wangji of the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. He sits between the descriptors "seems like they'd be good at parenting," and "excellent child rearing instincts."

In the top right square sits an image of Wei Wuxian, also of the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. He sits between the junction of "seems like they'd be bad at parenting" and "excellent child rearing instincts."

In the bottom left square is an image of Xie Lian from the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua. He occupies the square with the captions, "seems like they'd be good at parenting" and "never trust them with a child in your life."

Finally, in the bottom left square, sits an image of Hua Cheng from the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua. He occupies the junction between "seems like they'd be bad at parenting" and "never trust them with a child in your life". /End ID]

#look ok #i see all the cute little fics with xl and hc talking about becoming parents and etc etc #and that's cute! that's adorable!! let them be happy!!!#but. you have to admit ok. hualian need to work through their own problems #like c'mon. xl picks up like AT LEAST three kids in the book and then proceeds to forget about one on his shelf for a while #just kinda. stands judgmentally with his hands on his hips about guzi and qi rong (it's really funny though don't get me wrong)#and after finally re-capturing lang ying he's like 'i'm gonna guardian you!' and then a whole bunch of shit happens and uh well #ly turns out to be the ghost of some kid xl traumatized 800 years ago come back for vengeance (L)#which means xl traumatized him multiple times lmao #we aren't even touching qi rong and lang qianqiu which YES i know the latter wasn't xl's fault and i am fully aware that the situation with #qi rong is and was complicated. BUT. come ON man can these poor kids never catch a break? the one kid he DIDN'T accidentally traumatize #turned out to be obsessively in love with him so like maybe this is for the best?#anyway i also just don't think they'd be... genuinely interested in a commitment like that? like hc would go along with anything xl wants #but he doesn't seem the type to be interested in kids (he's mostly just interested in xl)#xl isn't off the hook either ok #people bring up hc's treatment of e'ming but xl isn't exactly a saint to ruoye. i dont blame the guy he's got a lot on his mind #but he's also very.... absent #plus with the responsibilities of their respective positions all their extra time is like. spent on eachother jk?#this isn't to say xl doesn't *like* kids or anything i just don't think he would want to be a full-time parent lmao #also they DEFINITELY have their own issues with themselves as kids and i'm afraid that might translate into like. parenting #meme #tgcf #mxtx meme #tgcf meme #xie lian #hua cheng #lan wangji #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan zhan

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decepti-geek · 2 months

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i think that if Alfur Aldric and Aziraphale ever crossed paths, they'd end up doing whatever the tea and literary discussion equivalent is of drunk girls in a bathroom hyping each other up

#Good Omens #Aziraphale #hilda netflix #Alfur Aldric #I'm finally getting around to Hilda season 3 #And in my rewatch I just hit The Replacement #and experienced some serious character deja vu watching Alfur go off the shits #like 'haaaaang on where have I seen this before - OF course'#Mark my words I WILL find a way to absolutely shoehorn some kind of au #where either Bartell has to fill Crowley's role or Crowley has to fill Bartell's #maybe crowbar it #a shoehorn doesn't seem strong enough #it would make no sense but it would make me very happy #mind you though #Alfur would profess his love of paperwork and Aziraphale would immediately be concerned that Alfur might be ill #which he sees as the only explanation for someone who's otherwise so eminently sensible actually ENJOYING reporting back to head office

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redemn · 19 days

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i wanted to sit down and write a little on how i envision arthur's general mood to be . short and sweet like . he doesn't generally tend to feel "happy" or even really in 'good spirits' a lot of the time , is the only way i know how to describe it . his natural mood is mostly flat , not happy but not sad , not excited , not nervous , not anything really . it's more difficult to get him in higher spirits than it is to dampen his mood . obviously not impossible , just hard . he also has high-functioning depression which , although he's learned to live with and considers his normal ( he actually doesn't know he has it as a product of his time , but we give it a name here for purposes of modern understanding ), affects him considerably worse when he goes through worse times , such as … his little family dying , or going through his bad breakup , where he tends towards destructive behaviours to self-medicate and get away from his feelings of sadness . on the outside , he almost always looks unhappy . a lot of the times , he's not unhappy , he's just … moodless , for lack of a better word .

#( ;; i don't know how to describe this very well bc it's based off me. )#( ;; he just doesn't act or speak like he's happy to appease others. )#( ;; he does seem offputting sometimes but i promise ! )#( ;; he's not mad. x )#╰ ゜headcanon. * i'll fight forgiveness ; so suffer for my shame.

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good-beanswrites · 9 months

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hi i just wanted to mention w/ your angst hcs that kotoko did actually say she didn’t try to kill any of the guilty prisoners! in her t2 voice lines she says that since milgram is a 3 trial system, she only wanted to “rough them up.” not to mention that in a tl convo she gets on kazui’s ass for stopping her but (unless i’m missing smthn) she never says anything to shidou, which i think implies that even if she was attacking them, she doesn’t mind them receiving medical attention bc she doesn’t actually want them to die. i rlly love you’re writing btw!! i especially adore how you wrote kazui 💖💖

👀👀👀 Omg YESS thank you telling me!! I was remembering her timeline convo with Mikoto, but it's been a while since I've looked at the voice lines -- that's so good to know >:0

The way she words it is really interesting because she didn't spare them for her own reasons, but for Milgram/Es' sake. I'm so intrigued by her mix of working outside of authority while still bending over backwards for it within Milgram 🤔 And I guess her attitude towards Mikoto may be different because of his (seeming) lack of gray area in his murders, and capability to harm Es. And you're right! She never has any problem with Shidou, or attempted to finish the job, so she definitely wanted the others to recover, huh...

I'm so glad my headcanon works hehe -- though, instead of worrying about taking another life, her guilt stems from failing her righteous duty and getting in the way of justice, which is a very cool twist!

(And ahh thank you sm :'D I'm so glad!! I really enjoy writing him, that means a lot <3)

#milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #thank you 👀 ive been trying to wrap my head around her motivations and her voice lines are so helpful--#id completely forgotten about them adfghj 😅#she seems so happy... its going to be a hard blow when she realizes es isnt grateful to her and is actually very upset ;-;#thats a good point about shidou #LMAO hes already got one murderous girl after him - he doesn't need any more #and lets goooo inno kazui !!! hes getting there 👏#ask

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unrulylarry · 11 months

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#i don't want it to become a thing #but i'm genuinely worried that her boyfriend doesn't seem happy #i know in her head she has a great relationship #and that's just the next step #because she thinks she's such an adult #(she's not she's a child wether people like it or not)#but i can't help thinking with his reaction he didn't want that #and i'd hate for to be in a situation where the father of the child feels trapped #also very concerned about their dad and stepmother's reactions?#i really don't like how everybody's reaction is to be happy when teenage pregnancies are the hardest?#i saw someone say that because jay had louis young it's only natural for her to be a young mother #how fucked up is that?#did no one register that louis' bio dad fucked off and she was left alone to raise him?#that it must have been really difficult even if she had her parents help?#they ideolise lottie and that in itself is disturbing #and the fact that so many young girls follow them and are gonna think this is okay is just baffling #just have a look at the comments in her video #anyone saying she might be young only angry comments #like it's her life her body whatever #and yeah #i personnaly don't care what she does with her life #it doesn't impact mine #but it's the message that she's sending that's troubling #and it's exactly what's happening #anyway #i'm feeling unneasy about the whole thing #i'm glad they're not my sisters #i'd have fucking lost it

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polaraffect · 8 months

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killed cazador via sunlight and accidentally triggered the dialogue that occurs when you don't bring Astarion along

However....

if cazador said this straight to my face about me I too would want to brutally stab him to death

#damien.txt #it doesn't seem to have impacted anything thank god but i was like. lol. he's right there fr #AND astarion is the one doing the dialogue?? can you imagine if i had pressed 'i'm here to discuss handing him over' lmao #i could literally never do that to him fr. not even in an evil run i think. esp because you would have to Not be evil multiple times to #get to this point. so it's a very targeted betrayal #anyways. always happy to watch the catharsis that is astarion brutally stabbing cazador #bg3 #bg3 spoilers

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 6 months

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the higher-ups (and Yaga) immediately trying to leverage Gojo & Ieri's absence to put Yuuta on the roster??? God that's such a stark moment. Thank god Nanami and Gojo saw through that one immediately, because Yuuta wants to justify his own survival so badly he would've fallen straight into it.

That whole scene, with Yuuta immediately jumping on the opportunity to help people even though something is Extremely Wrong with him and he's on the brink of physical collapse--this boy is selfless to the point of self destruction and I am chewing the drywall about it. I love him so much.

If only he was able to summon his newly found homicidal rage in defense of himself, the higher-ups would no longer be a problem. Alas, this boy is Extremely Unwell.

(Sea Glass Gardens is absolutely incredible and i am obsessed with it in a way that is totally and 100% normal. I'm so normal about it, trust me <3 )

The thing about Yuuta is that he really is prime to be taken advantage of right now and the higher ups know it. They had him try to kill himself for them--they know that there's a window of opportunity that they can use to get him under their thumb and avoid The Problem of Gojo, which is, namely, having a human weapon who you cannot fully control. Gojo nailed it from the beginning: they want a magic gatling gun with no personality or free will. They learned their lesson with Gojo and are trying to rob Yuuta of his agency before he learns how to protect himself.

And Yaga's part in that scene really was meant to kind of emphasize how, even with the best intention's, he just doesn't work to protect the kids. Like. everything he said was technically true, and he meant it with the best of intentions. He's the guy who has to think of everyone's needs. he has to manage this crisis. he's got a lot of people hurt badly who just came out of a war, and a lot of people going into fights with some very aggravated curses spawning without sufficient manpower to address the danger and no healer to save them if they cut it a little too close. He didn't have the intention of manipulating or sacrificing Yuuta, but he was aware that it would come to his detriment and risk.

The issue is the higher ups. They don't give a shit about the people in their workforce. They should be the ones doing whatever it takes to solve this crisis and save their people--and if that means giving up on their machinations? They should have already done it. It's their responsibility.

They just don't care. They want Okkotsu Yuuta under their thumb, and their society hemorrhaging is treated like an opportunity, not a dire problem to be solved. They don't care if half a dozen of their own people need to die to do it. Hell, it's better if they do die--they can put it straight on Okkotsu for not being willing to sacrifice himself, when they should have been making whatever promises they had to in order to make this work.

Gojo's done this before, is the thing. He was Yuuta, a long time ago. Nanami was right there watching it happen. They both know what the higher ups do: They let society get to a crisis level and put all the responsibility on you to save it. they let you maneuver yourself into a vulnerable position as a result, and then they use it as leverage to put their goddamn boot on your neck.

The thing is that Gojo adopting megumi all those years ago really did put them into a crisis state. the zenin pitched the mother of all bitch fits trying to secure his unconditional return, and they were a huge percentage of jujutsu society's labor force and resource pools. instead of the higher ups managing the problem at all, they took advantage of the situation and shoved more and more of its weight and responsibility onto gojo, until he was dropping off his own kid at his abusers' compound thinking it was the only compromise that could resolve things. megumi paid the price for gojo not calling bullshit, and right now, with him in a hospital bed? gojo's less willing to repeat mistakes than ever.

he knows that they're going to use the safety and suffering of everyone else as the leverage against him, and he knows that as terrible as it is, he cannot blink first. He's played this game before, and he knows that the only way to get the higher ups to back off on something like this is to dig in your heels.

I think what happened to Megumi all those years ago and how bad it got before they put a stop to it is something that haunts all three of them. When they first started raising him, they were very young, and they were very broken, and they loved him very, very much. He was their little boy, and he was never the same after the Zenin. They were supposed to protect him, and they didn't, and not a single one of them has forgiven themselves for that.

Megumi was sort of sacrificed for the greater good when he was a kid. None of them thought that that was what they were doing when it happened, but that's what happened. His happiness, safety, and wellbeing were sacrificed to pacify the Zenin and make it easier on everyone else.

Megumi and Tsumiki had to become their non-negotiables after. They had to become the things they refused to compromise on. The Zenin would take miles and miles if you gave them a millimeter, let alone an inch.

Gojo didn't think he was compromising them when he left them on their own to deal with Geto's war. They were disgustingly self-sufficient kids. They had been alone for longer stretches of time when they were practically toddlers--they should have been fine on their own for a couple of weeks.

But they were still his kids, and he still left them alone for everyone else's sake, and now his kid is blind and half dead in a hospital bed. It's like being punched in the face by old mistakes.

So they're off the roster completely, all of them. And they're not compromising an inch on what their focus is, and they're not letting anything happen to any of the other kids in their care.

It's terrible that their coworkers are suffering, but it wouldn't be happening if the Zenin hadn't fucked with Gojo Satoru's kid, of all the goddamn people. It wouldn't be happening if the higher ups would actually do their job and start managing shit.

And if they use Yuuta as an anxiety riddled bandaid on the bullet hole in their society? Then they'd be sacrificing him the way they sacrificed Megumi all those years ago. And they have never been less willing to do that.

I'm so so glad you like the story! Thank you for talking with me!

#i think gojo has such a big emphasis on giving kids the tools to protect themselves because no one ever did that for him or geto #geto snapped under the pressure and was lost to gojo forever #Gojo repeatedly focuses on giving the kids the tools to enjoy their childhood without being hurt #like with yuuji--he doesn't want him to sacrifice his youth and happiness with the others #so he focuses on giving him the strength to protect himself when gojo isn't there #in my mind that's also why gojo was always trying to feed yuuji the fingers #like when i first started the series it seemed kind of weird to me because gojo very obviously didn't want yuuji dead #until i realized that yuuji canonically had a good chance at suppressing sukuna even at 20 fingers as long as he had them spaced out #if yuuji had sukunas power level and had gotten it in increments eventually the higher ups couldnt touch him and hed still be under control #honestly none of the adults are doing well right now #a little under a decade ago the issue with the zenin came to a head and megumi ended up being very small and very hurt in a hospital bed #and they promised him that it would never happen again #now he looks very small and very hurt and he's in a hospital bed and the zenin put him there #as much as he's an angry teenager who hates displays affection he really is their little boy and they adore him #nanami was the one who took him from the zenin the final time all those years ago and he personally promised megumi that he would never eve #go back to that place. he feels like a complete failure right now.#gojo always blamed himself for not digging in his heels and refusing the custody compromise and now he's FURIOUS that this happened under #his nose a second time. i think gojos really interesting in the hero role because he's canonically low empathy and struggles with homicidal #impulses and let me tell you he thought about just killing all the zenin back then and he's REALLY thinking about it right now. there's one #fucking way of making sure this never happens again.#shoko generally feels like shit because this is supposed to be the one thing she can do to help and she /can't/ do it right now to help #megumi. also she privately thinks she had the most opportunity to realize how bad it was with the zenin back then and /didn't/.#she was going through a lot of her own issues back then and the zenin had some kind of believable excuses for why megumi was always banged #up. like. he was already getting into fights at school. its not like the zenin had issues procreating. they said he was picking fights #with other kids and that's where he got hurt. they actually blamed maki more than once. and some bruises here and there is expected for a #kid in combat training even at what was meant to be a very preliminary level. he was supposed to be in like. kiddie karate classes and they #didn't realize the zenin were training him like a fucking marine. it was SO obvious in hindsight and that tortures them.#protecting yuuta right now kind of feels like a chance to get it right the first time and all of them need that now that they feel like the #fucked it up with megumi a second time #sea glass gardens

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