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#he’s going for the face touch. no this we cannot possibly have time for we have to play carry on wayward son twice
tenjikufag · 2 days
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ejejsjwjwjsjejejsn I need a part 2 of pantaloons x male reader where reader eventually does end up leaving and dies or smth idk I just need da angst
(U can ignore if you want!)
Rotten
Pantalone x Male Reader
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part two to Spoiled
-angst, runaway reader, Pantalone break down, physical abuse (by reader)
-thank you for the req, unfortunately you don’t die in this *sigh
“I can’t do this anymore. I told you, no more gifts, no more pampering.. just leave me alone!”
Thoughts flurried in an erratic pattern, your head felt as if was going to explode at his touch- you wanted nothing more than to shove him off of your legs, kick him down and beat him.
After all of this time, it’s become too much. It was no longer indifference and tolerance- all you felt was visceral hatred towards your ‘partner’..
“My dear.. please.. I will do better, don’t leave. Break me down if that’s what you need- just don’t leave..”
His gloves hands clutched your ankles, keeping you from moving even if it was frail and pathetic grip. The both of you knew this was inevitable, but he just loved you so much.. this wasn’t the way it was going to go- not if he had a say, but he physically cannot move himself to possibly hurt you. So he begged, like he always had.
“Get off of me. I want nothing more to do with you.”
Pantalone shook beneath you, he wasn’t a person who could cry but if he could he would be nothing but a tear stained blabbering child at your feet.
The pleas, the whining, the false promises he made.. you gripped his hair and pulled it harshly so he would look up at you.
“Let go. I’m leaving. I don’t love you anymore.”
His eyes widened in horror, still on the floor he tried to scramble up to hold you once more only to be kicked down as soon as he got close.
It continued, he tried to get close.
You got more violent.
Until he was beaten, bruised and bloodied from your heavy hands and stained boots. He laid there, curled up and gasping for air.
A pathetic display for a harbinger, really.
Scowling down at him, he still plead to you his case.
Even sitting with blood running down his face, the crimson leaking from his chapped lips, bruises under his clothing and tattered clothes now with rips and dirt on them. Glasses tossed aside and cracked.
He still begged. Begged to deaf ears, begged to someone who didn’t care, a person who would have killed him if it didn’t mean signing his own death certificate.
“I’m leaving.”
“Please! Y/n, we can fix this. I can’t be alone, you can’t leave me! I did everything for you! I gave you everything! How could you do this to me?!”
The man’s body shook, the weak body of his trembling with every word leaving his mouth.
“I’ve sacrificed too much for you to leave me! You are indebted to me you bastard! You’re mine!”
You slung a bag over your shoulder.. approaching him a final time.. it gave him a false hope of you changing your mind- he look up at you with a soft smile, holding out his hand towards you.
“I never asked for all this. You disgust me, Pantalone.”
His heart dropped, too shocked to say a word back to you.. he watched as you exited his quarters, passing by all of his guards and agents who only looked at you in fear- they had heard everything, assuming you were stronger than their harbinger.
Of course you were.
You’ve always been stronger than him.
He’s a fickle minded, arrogant, selfish, and greedy man.
But now he was alone, left without his grounding beneath him- money could never buy the love he craved.
It could never be enough for your love.
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sunforgrace · 9 months
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he sat there on the ground and cried. for cas. cas told him he loved him was taken away and he buried his head in his hands and wept
#AND THEN THEY TRIED TO PRETEND LIKE IT WAS FINE? and after the widower arc#it wasn’t even as nearly fucked then this time all their friends got thanos snapped and we don’t even get canon confirmation that they were#brought back. even with covid not even a vo or offhand mention or reference#jack is god and in every drop of rain or whatever.#sure yeah whatever they beat the final boss and got over the protagonist angst of it all but the world was still the same it just wasn’t a#chuck story which only ramped up to being The Big Problem in the season 14 finale.#cas was stabbed by an angel blade and dean broke while wrapping his body for the funeral pyre. ALONE. and was. not doing well#and you tell me it’s whatever after he sat there in that dungeon refused to answer sam’s calls and cried during the complete and total end#of the world. that he just bounced back from that and died and drove around heaven for decades in a few minutes and smiled while americana#electric guitar played on some bridge#cas helped oh that’s nice I guess smile now I have GOT to go drive my car around. because I did not get enough of that in my time on earth.#unlike my time with cas which I am satisfied with and in no need of closure. perhaps a conversation. looking upon him to see him alive and#well. healing some of that trauma of the last time I saw him. a reunion hug maybe even which has become tradition. CUT THE CAMERAS deadass#he’s going for the face touch. no this we cannot possibly have time for we have to play carry on wayward son twice#sorry. it has been three years. sorry. it’s just so funny buddy your ass did NOT escape the hamster wheel
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xiao-come-home · 1 month
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Boothill relationship headcanons;
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✰ Characters: Boothill x reader.
✰ Words: ~1k.
✰ SFW+N//SFW ; SFW mentions no pronouns or gender of the reader. N//SFW section was written with fem!reader in mind.
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Warnings: THIS HAS A NSFW PART. MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS skip this section if possible. some of these hc are based on this post, since i wanted to write a little more about it.
A/N: BRAINROT gRR he truly gives me doctor by Miley Cyrus vibes. idk how to explain it but take it
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Boothill:
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SFW
he's such a gentleman! opens doors for you, pulls out a chair, kisses your hand when he sees you first for the day, it doesn't get boring for him at all. if you ignore some of his unhinged behaviors, then he's a perfect man.
like i mentioned in my previous post, he's VERY possessive of you. he does like to go to unknown clubs or bars with you to try out their best drinks in his spare time, though he doesn't have you attached to his hip (even.. if he wouldn't probably mind at all), he does keep a sharp eye on you. if a weird guy approaches you and you're clearly uncomfortable, he tries to intimidate the guy away and clearly let him see that you're his (aka placing his arm around your waist and pushing you into him), if being polite doesn't work, well, they have a rough night. not in a good way.
this man SCREAMS BACK HUGS!! since his body is like 90% metal and machines, he loves to embrace you from behind and wrap his arms around your tummy, while his chin rests on your shoulder. he misses the softness of his own skin, so having you gives him a lot of comfort; the warmth you're radiating makes him reluctant to ever pull away. boothill often finds himself touching his cheeks with his robotic arms, when they get warm enough - the feeling almost long forgotten in his mind.
speaking of back hugs: he's also very big on neck kisses, mostly giving than receiving, depending on how he feels, they're either very innocent and loving - very soft, paired with butterfly kisses, or biting you and then kissing it better, when things get steamy.
boothil finds it funny when his hair tickles you when he hugs you from behind. if he's feeling particularly like a little shit that day, he can annoy you the entire day like that, only to respond with "hmm? what do you mean? I'm not doing anything, baby!" ...don't tell him his smirk gives it away, but honestly, at this point, he probably doesn't try to hide it that well.
he DOES slap your ass when you go past him. EVERY time. it doesn't get boring for him, he likes the sound it makes AND how soft it is, bonus if it jiggles, then he's even more proud. he might offer "an apologetic massage," which you rarely agree to (but he'll try until u say yes).
if someone ever tinkers with his Synesthesia beacon, he cannot swear for his life. you might catch him trying to cook, spilling something, and then hearing loud "YOU LITTLE DAISY FLOWER! CUTIE PIE! CURSED FROG!" it's kinda impressive how colorful they can get...
speaking of his voice, he's probably able to manipulate it so it sounds the best according to your taste. although his flesh heart has been gone for so long, he still feels that familiar, warm feeling and squeeze of his own, mechanical one, when your answer is always the same - to modulate it so it sounds the closest to what it used to be, or that the current one is just as pleasant to hear.
he likes to kiss you. no matter where, or when. if he wants to, he'll get one, pressing you against him, cupping your face with one hand, and kissing your puckered lips. once you give in, he kisses you properly, caressing your cheek ever so slightly to ease any discomfort left, only to hold you tightly on your hips and whimper on purpose just to tease you more (i believe in boothill is a little shit theory).
if we assume his face is the only human part of him left (besides his eyes). In that case, he just truly loves the softness of your lips on his. he kisses you as much as he can, and will get all fussy and whiny if he doesn't get his good morning kiss, we-see-each-other-for-the-first-time-today kiss (note: this is not the same as good morning kiss), goodnight kiss and so on. yes, he could get it by himself, but he wants it from you first. he's just very stubborn.
watch out! he likes to draw blood on your lower lip when his intrusive thoughts win. he licks the blood off later, and gives it a loving kiss.
his hair is genuine, so he loves whenever you play with it, brush it, or take care of it in general. it's probably one of the very few human features of his, so if your boothill lets you carefully pamper it, let alone without flooding his cords, he's not only very impressed, but also very willing to indulge in more sessions.
finds it absolutely adorable when you wear his hat when he isn't looking. or, well, when you think he isn't looking.
N/SFW. minors and ageless blogs shoo!
the council has decided that he has a vibrator in place of his real junk. but if you're into experimenting and want him to feel a bit more, hm, natural - he's more than happy to change his parts. shape, size and pace - everything for his lady.
you can probably guess, but that's an absolute ass man. he sees you in tighter pants that hug you just so nicely and might go feral.
eats pussy like a starved man. he has no shame and licks, sucks, and fucks you with his tongue and THE SOUNDS could put the devil himself to shame. boothill always wants everyone to know that you're his, how you scream and moan for him, so in return - he never lets a drop of your juices go to waste, slurping and moaning into your slit.
he's literally so flexible, that he'll fuck you in every position you want him to. if it means he'll get deeper, he's on board. and probably on top of you too.
likes to grope you through your clothes. sounds very tame, but it really gets him going, and might sometimes cause trouble in public.. unless you WANT that trouble.
adding to the headcanon above - he truly just gets turned on by your skin, especially imperfections. stretch marks? he'll kiss them all, scars? he has them all memorized. when he touches you through your clothes, he already remembers what is where, it's like he's edging himself knowing that soon enough he'll undress you completely and see it clearly; he quite literally worships what truly makes you... you.
he. is. so. SO over when you pull on his hair. when you make out, when he fucks you - doesn't matter. DO IT and he'll go absolutely crazy, hissing in pleasure and grinding into you.
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mandalhoerian · 1 year
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moth to a flame | leon kennedy x reader
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pairing: leon kennedy x f!reader
summary: Break-ups are never easy. Thankfully, you've been preparing for yours for a long time. Leon doesn't let this revelation go for reasons you cannot fathom when he's the one who wants to leave.
word count: 9K
warnings: angst, smut, thigh riding, p in v, kinda body worship, switch leon, he subs for like a moment and goes this better not awaken anything in me
notes: i winged this please don't judge me. also, "plot"-wise, this is an extension of my leon love language post. header template can be found here. enjoy the filth
🌀 read on ao3!
📍 continue to the BAD ENDING!
📍 continue to the GOOD ENDING!
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In hindsight, you’ve seen this coming. Your face barely moves at your on and off situationship of two years forcing out, “I think we should break this off.” 
So faint and unsure it’s barely above a whisper.  
He looks so uncomfortable hunching over, forearms resting on the countertop, breakfast untouched, as if trying to make himself smaller than you, it’s absurd considering the nerves of steel you envy him for, and sure, he’s adorably awkward sometimes for a man of his looks, but not like this. Never vulnerable like this.
The kitchen is gloomy despite the bright winter sun seeping through the windows, almost suffocating because of his uncharacteristically transparent malaise. Leon isn’t one to openly squirm, and in turn, it’s making you all the more nervous — nothing about this is fair when you were thinking you got all the practice needed from imaginary scenarios and possibilities on all the directions the eventual separation would go.  
He can’t look at you, shaking his head nervously, choked by the silence. “Say something.”
How funny it is that he’s the most fit man you’ve ever known, could lift you with one arm without breaking a sweat— one bicep literally the size of your head, yet looks like he’d cry if someone touched him right now. It’s a hard to swallow, unreal pill that you’re the one doing this to Leon, making him weak like this. 
You’ve never known you had that kind of power over him until now, how he says he wants to break up but would throw up if you actually say yes.  
You shift in your seat, the wood of the chair suddenly digs sharply into your skin with how hyperaware your body is of all the surroundings to deviate your attention from Leon, folding your hands on your lap. 
The answer is at the tip of your tongue, it was stashed away there months ago. Of course you’ll let him go. 
What makes it easier for you is having consented to how absent and private he warned half the things involving him was going to be, or it’s that you knew from the start your time with him would be limited. You just don’t question it; completely skipping the first four stages of grief and jumping readily to acceptance. 
The lamb knew it would be slaughtered by the nurturing, kind humans, and yet it still got attached to them; Homer straight up told the readers how the story would end right at the start of Iliad, yet the fall of Patroclus and the rage of Achilles burned the same, if not worse — you knew Leon would inevitably fall apart and run away one day, yet chose to cherish your limited time with him all the same.
It can’t be called a tragedy if you agreed to how it would end in the first place. 
Leon Kennedy is ephemeral in his nature, daydream-present and lucid-absent in your life all at once. You thought of him as an outdoors cat, never really yours in the first place, randomly shows up whenever he wants to, reluctantly leaves out of nowhere — a flighty, mysterious companion who’s happy and eager to be there but withdrawn when poked and prodded. 
You accept him as such, love him all the same.  
You’re not sure if he loves you just as much. 
Fondness and like is there, enough for him to have stuck around for this long, but you figure it’s because you’re safe and constant. You’re happy to have provided him with at least that because you’re not sure what he saw in you, to be honest. 
What’s happening is painless enough to go through exactly because of this, you hadn’t let yourself get too attached to Leon knowing he isn’t into you as much as you are into him. Maybe you are deluding yourself, maybe you are numb and not as apathetic like you thought you are, but you’re convinced this is how it should go — how it’s meant to go. What’s the point when you’re aware your name won’t be at the top of his list? 
The insecurity surely is a small part of the ‘Leon Kennedy Breakup First-Aid Package’ you’ve been cultivating over time in preparation to cushion your own fall when the time would naturally come, but it doesn’t cover the shape Leon is in that even when he’s the one breaking your heart, he looks like he’s shouldering the pain you’re going through on top of his. 
This is why you can’t ever be mad at him. You wanted to be with him knowing the way he is, after all. 
Leon is a mess despite trying not to show it, his messy straw-blond hair doesn’t shine like it usually does, he hasn’t conditioned it, the golden sheen to it wilted almost. His bloodshot, red rimmed eyes are dim in their blue, laser-focused on the black coffee mug he’s tightly gripping, the skin underneath his lower lashes spread out in faded pink-purple half-rings and it only ever happens when he hasn’t gotten enough sleep in more than a couple days’ time whenever he has to be away for an unprecedented amount of time, or gets buried too long in his paperwork. His thumbs are wiping at the place he puts his lips on and have a sip at the contents of it you’ve seen he fed some liquor to a few minutes prior. He’s awfully domestic in his black sweater and pants, not at all looking like he just asked for a breakup.   
You take pity on him. 
“I see. Alright.”
His head shoots up, eyes immediately finding yours, no longer blank. He doesn’t seem sure if he heard you right, expression disbelieving. “What?”
“How do you want to do this?” Mirroring Leon’s anxious movements, your own fingers trace the rim of your own teacup. “You could start gathering your things today, but if you want to call it a day, I don’t mind—”
“No—wait—what are you saying?” 
“I’m saying okay, Leon.”
He winces at the name, gaze escaping from you again momentarily and he has to blink, the lack of your usual pet name for him must have hurt him, you presume. He has to swallow before talking. “This is it?”
You’re not sure if it’s directed at the end of your relationship or you letting him off easy. “I don’t understand. What else was I supposed to say?” 
“I don’t know, I just—”
This isn’t being hopeful, but you ask anyway. “What did you want me to say?” 
He sighs in return, tearing away his gaze and hiding it with a hand that wipes at his forehead.
Yeah, it isn’t your hopes that were crushed. You adamantly tell yourself it isn’t. He’s being nice as he always is, of course he’d question how agreeable you’re being, it’s not like his resolve is going to change. “I’m just being cooperative so we can—”
“Aren’t you angry with me?”
That was the problem?
“I’m not, Leon.” 
“How can you not be?”
“Well, I…” It’s because you love him, but bringing this up would only make it harder. “I’m not sure. You’ve been that good to me along the way, I guess. I don’t resent you for anything.”
He has that subtle sarcastic look on his face you would take as mocking if you were a total stranger, but you know better. He’s being self-deprecating. You could read it. But you should, he’s thinking. You should resent me. 
You don’t. 
The thing with Leon is he’s too good to be true that his only flaw is being a literal ghost. A well-meaning ghost who’d send presents upon presents and work his ass off to make extra time for what he had to give up on every time your plans falls through with unexpected shit that came up from his mystery job at the White House he never talks about that has him battered and bruised each time he turns up after prolonged leaves.  
Which is an oxymoron considering how attentive and absent he is at the same time. Sometimes you wondered if he’d fix his habit of being a clam about everything concerning himself after you guys were through, but imagining him becoming more open and changing for someone else hurt too much.
“Don’t you want to know why? I mean—god, why are you just taking it?” 
“What do you mean taking it? You’re not doing this to hurt me, look at you, Leon, when have you last slept? It’s hard on you too.” 
“That really doesn’t have to do with anything right now,” he dismisses. “How are you this unaffected? I’ll take it if it’s to get back at me…”
“It’s not.” You stand up, appetite lost. You want to wrap your food up and put it in the fridge to eat later, and this way, you don’t have to look at him while saying the sentences you have rehearsed for so long. “If you want to break up, I can’t force you to stay—or into anything you don’t want to. It’s not fair for either of us. You’ll be stuck with someone who you don’t want, and I’ll have to live with the knowledge I’m with someone who doesn’t want me.” 
You find him staring at you when you’re done, your hand stays wrapped around the handle of the fridge door at how tortured he is. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
He shakes his head, blond strands framing his face gently swishing in the air. He does the angry eyebrow scrunch whenever he disagrees with you strongly on something you’ve said, but decides not to at the last minute, and you find yourself the tiniest bit disappointed at him not refusing he doesn’t want you. “You always— you always do this... Be angry. You have to be angry at me.”
You find refuge in the kitchen sink, washing your hands. “Stop it. I don’t want to fight, please.”
“So you are angry.”
“I’m not!” You slam the water shut a bit too forceful and you breathe for a second before turning to him. “I’m not. Angry. I’m sad, yeah. An understatement. Who wouldn’t be?” 
He just says, “I’m sorry,” at that, and hates it’s the only thing he can manage to give you, it’s blatant in his face. 
You take a seat at the chair directly next to him, you both need the intimacy of good communication at the moment. “But I had a lot of time to mourn, alright? It’s not that I’m taking it or being passive or whatever—”
“Mourn?”
His eyes search yours for a second, and the realization leaves him breathless, the insides of his brows raise up, making him look younger and more innocent. “You were expecting this.”
“Yeah, I mean.” Your lips press together, and you chew the insides before hopelessly shrugging, a small smile doing its best to put itself together. “Look at us. It was never going to work out in the long term. Not really. I consider two years a miracle, to be honest. I don’t know how we got this far.”
“All this time we were together.” Leon’s voice is thick, on the verge of shaking, you weren’t expecting him to take this so badly. His pupils devour all the blue from his eyes, he has never looked at you this hostile before all the hair on your arms rise up. “You were just thinking about breaking up? Have I only ever made you insecure?”
“Not all the time—it’s just—” You swallow. ““Why are you angry at me now? What did I do? You are the one breaking up with me.”
“And here you are okay with this. You’re telling me you didn’t think we’d ever work out when I—” He huffs. “I didn’t even notice a thing. You weren’t happy at all. Ever? You were uneasy all this time?”
“No, Leon, you’re not listening to me. What I expected was that you would leave one day, eventually. Because that’s how you are. That’s how your life is.” He leans back when he gets what you are alluding at, rubbing his face with a hand, refusing to look at you — but out of anger this time around. “I know you wouldn’t be able to stand being in limbo about not letting yourself go and wanting to at the same time. I know you felt bad about everything. I guess it’s just not the right time?”
You don’t say, right person and wrong time, it’s wishful thinking on your part—Leon probably doesn’t think that, someone else seems to take that crown in his heart, you know that all too well. 
The muscles on his arm closest to you flexes, he must be thinking about taking your hand in his, so you remove them off the table and nestle them between your thighs. Any physical contact from him might lead to you crying in the end. 
“I’m sorry I made you go through all that,” he laments. “Why didn’t you talk to me?”
Your head tilts sideways. “It wasn’t about me, Leon. Suppose I sat you down and complained you weren’t open with me, you were distant. Especially when you weren’t ready for the conversation. I’ll tell you what would have happened. Two weeks of radio silence.”
“Ah, c’mon…”
“It’s not something you haven’t done before. You said it was work, but… You know. I get it.”
Leon exhales from his nose and lowers his head, broad chest puffing up with rapid breaths, his neck is getting redder by the second. You’ve never taken him for someone with an explosive anger, but it looks like that could change any second. 
“I wish you wouldn’t take this to heart, I’m not saying this to hurt you when I say I knew this was always going to happen.” You’re talking like you’re trying to soothe a tiger, and he especially looks to hate it. “You can’t possibly have expected me to ignore it. And it wasn’t going to come from me either, I’m happy to be with you either way, but—”
“That’s the problem.” He has his head between his hands, like that could possibly hide him away from the conversation. “I treat you like this and you still say that.”
You wish he wouldn’t be this hard on himself.
“I signed up for this.” He tilts his head at that, accusatory, and you get more agitated in return. “I know your circumstances. You can’t help being absent most of the time, I understand. I understand more than you think.” His forearms hit the counter loudly, he looks about to spit fire any second, but you don’t let it happen. “However. It’s no way to continue a relationship, I know that too. My perspective is that it shouldn’t be guilt that comes to your mind whenever you think of me. I wish things could be different. I wish I could be a priority to you—”
Leon’s face sours, and you stop talking when you see it. 
You didn’t mean for the words to hurt him as they did, explanations becoming distraught. “Look, I like you, you know this. Possibly too much. More than I should. You have to understand that’s why I’m being this amicable with you right now. Break-ups don’t always have to end in fights, sometimes things just don’t work out, and that’s what’s happening right now, isn’t it?”
It doesn’t reach Leon. His gaze is faraway, defined jawline locked clenching and unclenching. 
“If it makes you feel better, I was angry for a while.” His hand comes down from rubbing a circle in the middle of his brows, eyes shifting back to yours. “But it is what it is.”
“You’re not even gonna ask?” he says, defeated.
“Would you tell me anything different from what I know?”
He opens his mouth, but the only thing that comes out is a sigh, one of his legs shaking, and his head falls forward, curtains of dark blond hair covering your view of his face. For a moment, all you want is to slip your fingers into the silky strands and comb them back, take his heat away, the pads of your fingers on his smooth cheekbones, you know he’d melt into your touch straight away and his expression would lose weight of the strain he carries you can only imagine the root of most of the time, but you abstain. 
He wouldn’t appreciate it on the brink of a break-up, you were about to become nothing but strangers. 
That’s why it’s abrupt when he leans forward and captures your lips in an unfair, unfair kiss, the force of it makes his teeth clack against yours and you grimace, retreating to break it. His hand slips to the side of your neck to pull you back in, the drag of calluses and heat against the skin of your neck sends goosebumps all over your body, his thumb caresses your cheek in a loving way that hurts but his lips are frantic in their gentler search to open your mouth to his, and suddenly you can’t breathe from how much Leon keeps advancing. 
Turning your face away to break the assertive, overwhelming liplock, you take in lungfuls of air as you look as away from him as you can, panicking at the way he presses his forehead to your temple and the way his nose nudges your burning cheek, he doesn’t budge when you attempt to push him off the second you realize you’re enjoying this. He’s built like a fucking tank. “Leon—”
“Say no if you don’t want it,” he breathes, right into your neck, the tickle is mixed with something dangerous that sears your skin along with the low rumble to his voice directly in your ear, and you have to stop yourself from squirming, a coil of incandescence binds its threads together in the depths of your stomach. “Say it and I’ll stop.” One muscular arm hooks around the back of your upper thigh and one around your waist, he quite literally snatches you off your chair and plops you down on his lap, each of your legs hang from the sides of his hips, and you yelp at how effortlessly Leon seems to arrange you to his liking. 
He’s needlessly, uncharacteristically cruel. You would always want him. Leon knows this. 
“You’re so—” Your breath hitches when his fingers bypass your shirt and sneak up the bare skin of your waist and his other arm readjusts you as he buries his forehead in your shoulder and you gaze at the top of his golden hair kissed by morning sunlight and take in the familiar scent of him and his shampoo. His body against yours leaves a festering sweet longing. “So unfair—you were just breaking up with me—”
He bites down at the meat of your clavicle and you draw in a short breath, the dig of his teeth sting, but he immediately soothes it with a lick and his tongue is hot, too hot. “Unfair?” he groans, you contain the shudder at the emotion he keeps at bay and at the path his blunt fingernails make above the clothing from your hips to the sides of your legs, he’s never been like this. “You already left me in your mind before this and I don’t even know exactly when.” The tip of his nose faintly traces the curve of where your neck meets the shoulder, the tickle is unbearable, aching, you wish he would have left marks instead. “You were always thinking of leaving— our time together didn’t matter to you. What do you think that makes me feel like?”
“That’s not—” You grip both of his biceps and feel the protruding veins and the flex of the muscle underneath the skin, intimidated as always by how both of your hands added together were too small to form a full hold around one. I work out a lot, was his excuse while you were first getting to know each other as acquaintances, and you’d thought how this man belonged with someone of his league. “You’re the one—” 
“You dummy, I’m not leaving you because I want to.” Leon’s arms circle your waist and pulls your body flush against his in a crushing hug, his head finding home under your chin and against your chest. It’s innocent and you feel the helplessness, the desire to hold but not be seen, but you don’t know what to do in return, his words don’t quite register. “Why would I ever when I—“ He cuts himself off, breathing shaky as the rest of the sentence dies at his throat. “Jesus, I can’t believe this.”
You tentatively hold his shoulders, surprised at how taut they are. How winded he is like some wire. “I don’t understand.”
“You are just letting me leave like that. Like some business deal done and gone, you just…” 
You can’t help the sound that escapes as he bites your earlobe. Why does he keep biting? 
“Ow!—“ Leon starts sucking, the wet sounds and his breathing directly in your ear sending shivers down your spine, and you’ve had enough of his thought processes ending up being completed by his lips on your body. 
He’s easily able to overpower you, but obeys when he feels you’re genuinely pushing him away, some strands of your hair get stuck on his face and the view of the detained obscenity of his expression  —the half-closed eyes and the missing blue, the flush of his cheekbones, glistening of his pinked lips— sends a hot wave downstairs. “It’s you. You! You’re the one leaving, Leon, I don’t get it—“
Some clarity through the pinkish haze of want dawns back to him, and he gingerly combs the threads of hair away from your face, some of them behind your ear. “I don’t want to. That’s the thing. I thought it was clear as day.” Leon searches your eyes, looking down at the details of your face, your heart races as his stare gets stuck at your lips the longest, he isn’t even aware he’s doing it and you feel feverishly desired from his insatiable look, from the slow movement of his Adam’s apple. “But—“
“You can’t help it. Right?” Your thoughts are blurring together, and he’s a black hole pulling you in. “I understand—“
Leon kisses you again, and your stolen exhale turns into a pleased hum. “Stop saying that,” he whispers with inches between your lips, eyes closed, so close your breath is his.  
“What do you want me to say?“
“Stay.” He takes your hand and brings it up, planting a singular kiss at the inside of your wrist, and then rests his cheek against your palm. You can only stare at the vulnerability he’s offering you on a silver platter, the tormenting softness is blinding. “Stay.” 
Your heart soars. God, you’ve longed for him to give away that he wants to be with you all this time, the insecurity is a blanket you’ve hidden under, this is it, but he’s so torn and you don’t get his struggle, what he must be hiding for such a visceral reaction. He wants to, but he can’t, and you don’t know why, having accepted he wouldn’t tell you from the start anyway. 
But you ask. You ask anyway. Hope is a flightless bird waiting for her wings to grow each day. “Will you?”
Something shifts, a delicate moment broken, and Leon draws back, his eyelashes flutter as if he’s shaking off some daydream — and then he’s upset, a pinch in his brow. “I’m sorry.” He shakes his head. “I can’t—“ You’re grabbed from the arms and scooted away from his lap, putting some distance between the two of you. Leon is physically pained, unable to meet your eyes. “I don’t know why I’m being like this.” He holds your hands between the two of you, and you get whiplash from the passion just mere seconds ago and the tenderness of this touch. “I can’t keep doing this to you. I don’t know why I’m this unreasonable, it’s so childish— Shit. I’m sorry, I’ll just—“
“No.” You cup his face in both hands and he looks like an abused puppy tasting kindness for the first time. “Stay for a bit.” Your heartstrings are tugged by the way Leon’s eyes are lit up. “I want to have you. One last time. Is that alright?”
A beat passes.
“Yeah,” he says, blanking out at first, but then repeats stronger, his fingers sink into the plush of your thighs as he licks his lips. “Yeah.” He turns his head and kisses your palm, somber. “You can have me however you want.”
Leon doesn’t look like he’s particularly looking forward to it. “You sure?”
“I’ll always want you, any day, any time,” he says, and you’re flabbergasted at the burden of his meaning. But you force yourself to look past it, look past the unguarded and unarmed honesty, choosing to interpret it in the language of lust. 
“Not here, though.” You get up from his lap and he doesn’t stop you. “It’s kinda cramped.”
“We can make it work if you’re up for it,” he half-teases, one corner of his lips curling up, his eyes are humorless. 
You snort. Easy for him to say. He’s fit, you aren’t, that’s why being on top can’t last half the time without his assistance. “You can. I certainly can’t.”
“You keep saying I can’t to me, knowing I take it as a personal challenge.” Leon’s touch moves up your forearm and in one swift move, he pulls you in between his legs. He leaves a kiss at the lower valley between your clothed breasts. “Maybe you’re doing it on purpose?”
You’re heating up right away. “I’m not—”
Leon pats his right leg, pulling up the sleeve of his shorts all the way up to the hipbone, exposing the well-endowed, firm thigh. “Sit here.”
“Your leg’s gonna get a cramp,” you say, but it’s hardly a complaint, your crotch has begun to contract at the thought of feeling the flawless skin slipping against your slick folds and how he would mold the tendons to fit just right for your pleasure. Expectation was pulling you tight right from the start where he had you hanging from his every word.  
Leon’s almost offended. “It won’t.” But his encouragement is gentle. “Come on, sweet girl.” Hooking one arm between the two layers of the bands of your underwear and pants, he lets them snap back against your skin after he pulls considerably. “And you’re taking off all that.”
You let it go. Immediately. “Fuck, okay.” 
It’s morning. You’re in the middle of the kitchen. And you’ve forgotten all of that, head lost in the beginnings of a dull throb between your legs. Your dignity would have been trampled on if you were too enthusiastic, so you try to take your time, and he asks, “How do you want to go about this?”
“Huh?”
His hands ride up your knee and inch up, his thumbs in the line of your inner thighs, and your first instinct is to press them together to alleviate the ache, but Leon’s forcing them apart. “You can have my tongue or fingers first. To help the friction.” You swallow when the nail of his thumb scratches the material of your panties and feels the slight dampness, and he’s watching your reactions very closely. “Or you could just sit down.”
You don’t have strength left in your knees anymore, head spinning with the way his darkened, narrowed gaze is simultaneously bearing down on and  looking up at you, and Leon helps you settle your weight on his leg after sliding your underwear down your legs, the warmth of his palms on your naked hips alone is vexing enough and it’s embarrassing that he feels the particularly strong pulse of your sex. 
He angles his leg up and you slide forward with the gathered moisture, arms catching onto his neck in surprise from the sudden jolt of pleasure. “Eager, are we?”  
You aren’t normally bold like this, would let him keep softly teasing rather than give the same energy back, but there’s a certain finality to this time, your brain is liquid smooth from the tantalizing delight of his touch, and you don’t hold back to inform just what he does to you breathily. “Always for you.”
The movement of his leg staggers and you look up to see him caught completely off guard. And the next thing you know, Leon has you in a bruising kiss, or you think it has the strength to bruise, he hasn’t been this rough before, and you certainly haven’t been craved to this extent in your entire life before him. 
This time you accept his tongue willingly into the cavern of your mouth, his fervent licks and gasps rise the question of who’s really the more eager one here, but it doesn’t really occupy space in your mind, limbs stilling overall from how he steals away all bodily functions with just kisses that radiate desperation. 
Leon ushers your hips to languidly move when you fail as a multitasker all the while the swirl of your tongues continue to tangle, and it proves difficult as your slide against him becomes smoother and wetter with him finding just how to pull the hood of your mound while you’re pulling back and drag against it in the correct angle, flexing his thigh accordingly. 
He pecks your jaw. “Faster?”
Skin contact goes straight to the tightening spiral in your stomach like this. “I can’t—”
“Don’t say you can’t.” He does something that has you dropping down from heights by circling his leg, and completely out of your control, small noises emerge from the back of your throat and you can’t kiss him back anymore. “Do you want it faster or not?”
You try to hum in agreement, but he catches you in the middle of it and jerks you forward, the sharp zap electrifies all your nerves and grants him a startled moan, you can barely see the satisfaction in his face from the sudden tears. You were somehow in control of the pace previously, but once he knows you want it faster, it’s him that anchors your hips to the edge of the stars, a man on a mission. 
Leon begins to leave open-mouthed, wet kisses on your neck that has you tilting your head to give him more room, and you’re glad his heavy gaze isn’t drinking in your bliss-stricken expression anymore. “You hear that?” His question is thick. “Listen.” 
The noises your wetness make sliding across the muscles of his thigh in a rapid speed makes some of the blood rush up to your cheeks, and the knot is stretched so agonizingly beyond the point of no return that you’re hurling towards absolution, legs beginning to shake and your whines become sweeter. “Leon,” you pant, the fever to keep going as he is conveyed in one singular word reaches him. “Leon—ah, mmh— I’m— Leon!”
“Yeah, I got you.” Adoring kisses are peppered along your jawline and your fingers clutch to his blond hair, pulling him in, your stiffened, perked up nipples are smushed in the press of his chest against yours, and you arch into him like a cat, lost in the ascending ecstasy. “Just let go.” He bites down and your sore walls clench around nothing, the pulsating increasing in intensity. You’re on a thrill ride, shooting up, up, up— “Come for me, sweet girl, come on, give it to me.”  
With a sharp, choked cry, and the throw of your head back, the coil explodes and unravels, white sparkles in your vision, and Leon holds you down when your body tries to fly off with the force of your orgasm, the sinking of his hands into your sensitive flesh only heightens and sends crashing waves as he helps you ride through it, rocking lazily with you back and forth. 
“Oh god,” you shiver, clinging to him, upper body basically draped across his chest as the pleasure rolls into a stinging ache of pain with the overstimulation, bones jiggly from the floaty feeling to get away yourself. “Too much. Leon. Too much.”
His voice is croaky. “Yeah, we’re not done yet.” 
He stands up with his arms supporting your legs around his waist, and you hold on for dear life. It scares every single time he does this. Leon makes it look so easy to carry you around from room to room without breaking a sweat. 
The full meaning of his words only get to you when you’re thrown on the bed, wind knocked out of you. “Leon, wait, aren’t you going to Spain tomorrow, don’t you have to prepare—”
“I’m preparing,” he says, putting one knee on the bed and oh god, the shine on his thigh, the drench, that was all you—- “Need to get my fill of you to last for the whole trip, yeah?”
It’s more like he’s saying, ‘To last for the rest of my life’, the hunger and melancholy makes for a Frankenstein’s monster of ravenous, unquenchable yearning when you’re right in front of him and your flame is rekindled.  
More than one round with him is uncommon most times because he’s simply busy and moves around a lot, you weren’t used to the practice, build wired to exhaustion taking over when he was finally done with you, either hot, heavy and fast or sweet and intense, each time leaving you with honeyed sore bones and the best sleep following right after. 
Arousal pools in the pit of your belly thinking about what comes next. 
Kneeling at your feet, he taps your tight-locked  knees. “Open up for me.”
It’s morning. He could see every detail of imperfection in this light and uncertainty washes over you for a second before you do as he wishes, the sheets crinkling and rustling beneath your shifting, and he gets on his stomach and puts one of your legs to his shoulder when you thought he would be entering you already. 
Flustered, you get up on your elbows. “Leon, you don’t have to.” 
“Didn’t think you wanted to get it over with right away.” Sliding his hand up, he fans his fingers on your tummy, thumb pulling at the skin dipping into your vulva, and looks up at you from his eyelashes. Little sparks of pleasure light up at each stroke. The weight of his arm is wonderful. “Breaking my heart over here.”
“It’s not that, I…”
He scooches up, and the knowingly feather-light kiss he leaves on the inside of your thigh, close — right there but not there, makes your leg twitch. “Oh, you wanted something else?” The teasing view of Leon inches away from where you wanted him was a sight for sore eyes, but his sudden hot breath on your post-orgasmic sopping heat broke your daze, making your hips attempt to jump up, but his arm had you absolutely pinned on the mattress. “Well?” 
It’s not something you’d planned, but his wanton beauty looking up at you shoves an image inside your brain unexpectedly, reminding you how you’d said you wanted to have him, not the other way around. This is going to be the last time Leon would be like this with you, and there were so many things left unexplored. What would it feel like to have this feline-gracious, strapping man underneath you, to run your lips through his unbelievably sturdy body all over and return the kindness on how good he’s been taking care of you? Leon was always perfect to you. Is perfect. Your wish to present him with how exactly on top of the world he has you feeling for your final time, to return the favor. 
Leon has stopped moving and it’s because of your lack of reaction and the long look of contemplation regarding him. You lift his hair away from his eyes. “Can you lay down on your back?”
“You wanna get on top?” he asks, but doesn’t object to it, moving up on the bed and sitting up, getting the hint on taking off his clothes, enamored, you watch his abdomen flex and limbs stretch like a cat’s as he slips his shirt off and throws it away and shimmy off his briefs. Every single movement of his is a wonder. 
“No, I want to touch you,” you say, stare not knowing where to focus on him and his half-hard dick jumps at your words. “Explore you.”
He meets your eyes, pupils blown, and swallows, nodding. “You’re gonna kill me.”
“I wanted to have you, remember?” 
There’s a semblance of a laugh and Leon rolls on his back, one knee up and hands on his stomach, blond hair fanning around his head on the sheets. He looks like a sculpture. “And how will you have me?”
“Pleasured without thinking of pleasuring,” you explain, he’d be better at the dirty-talk in your position, perhaps say something like ‘Crying for me’, but you’re way too fascinated by him to think about what would have him helplessly turned on. “Vulnerable.”
You would be lucky if you are able to push him to the point of not even one thought behind those pretty blue eyes, but you just want to make him feel good, and with that in mind, reach a hand and trail the tips of your fingers through the prominent web of veins along his forearm, his fingers jump, and you continue through his upper arm, lingering on the sharp lines of lighter-colored small scars until you reach his shoulder, feeling the cluster of the goosebumps that rise in his skin. 
“Seriously?” he says with an annoyed timbre and you see him having gone completely hard, eyebrows shooting up in shock. “You’re going this slow? Am I some package you’re unboxing?” 
“You seem to be enjoying it,” you murmur in interest, and Leon sulks at how you run all five of your fingernails all the way down the lower of his belly button and how it’s hardly even a graze at all. His abs keep contracting. “I barely touched you.”
“You, haah,” he sighs at you straddling and hovering above him. “Don’t need to point that out.”
Leon tries to hold onto your thighs but you maneuver him away, and unsurprisingly, he isn’t pleased by that, groaning. “Oh we’re doing this?”
“I’m touching you. Stay still like a good boy.”
It’s your usual banter, but for some reason, he turns his face away and closes his eyes for a second, wetting his lips as if his mouth is dry. The line of his neck clenches and unclenches and you feel the brush of his dick lightly hit the inside of your leg. You’re fascinated again. He likes this more than you expected. “God, you really want to kill me.”
Leon could stop it if he wanted to. Switch it around. It’s not like he hasn’t done it before. All the times you’ve attempted to ride him and your knees and calves failed you, he ended up sitting up and hugging you close, fucking up into you and kneading your insides from below and littering your shoulders with angry red marks, taking control of the pace, especially riled up from how endearing and sexy you were trying your best to pleasure him, in his words. He can do it again, but doesn’t. Just lies there, all for you, stuck between a rock and a hard place — which, in this case, is his discomfort and enjoyment. The lack of stimulation gets him going. 
You lean down and nip at the corner of his mouth, and he responds immediately, turning back to you, chasing the kiss. His hands come up to your waist but you take them off, pinning them to his sides, and Leon complains through sharply breathing into your mouth. “I’ll only,” Kiss. “Hold you.” Kiss. “Please, just let me—” You lightly bite his tongue. 
As if he couldn’t do it if he truly wanted to. He is letting you do this to him. Pleading. In that tone of voice, too. You’re in over your head, what is happening? 
“No,” you say, kissing his jaw and caressing the hinge of his opposite jaw with your thumb, sounding stern but feeling silly inside, unsure if he’s amused by you deep down. But Leon huffs again like a spoiled brat not getting what he wants. 
You’re shell-shocked, but continue your pursuit to find out what else he likes, settling on his ear, making a line through the outer rim of soft tissue with your tongue and sucking kisses until he’s shifting around, you can hear how he’s trying to level out his breathing, then you bite, and he hisses as you repeat it over and over again. 
You’ve heard that some men enjoy getting their nipples played with, and you caress and massage, knead and fondle all over his torso with both hands as the switching of your gentle and silky mouth and the needling pleasure of teeth assault his ear, and you listen to his heavy breathing the occasional hitch of it until you circle around one nub, and flick it, rubbing down and pressing the pebbled nipple inwards, just like how he does it to you, and twist the other one. His face hides itself in your neck, and you let him have that, at least. 
His exhale turns into sound and he shuts it down pretty quickly, opting to speak up instead. “Can you—” he begins, and then tuts, sounding nonchalant, but you hear it. You hear the thickness of contained arousal. “Can you move on already?”
“You want the other ear?”
His head jerks in your position at you saying that straight into his ear and breathing into it, you know the thin sheen of saliva coating it makes the sensation sharp and cool and warming at the same time. “No—” he says, but you ignore him, cutting the rejection off by taking his other earlobe between your teeth. “Jesus Christ, this isn’t necessary—”
“If it isn’t, why is this wet?” You ask, watching him closely, tapping the pearl of clear liquid gathered at the tip of his ramrod straight hardness. It’s scalding hot, throbbing at the contact. Leon hisses between his teeth, trying to contain it, and sighs as your index finger circles the tip to spread it around, another bead of precum swelling in the wake of your touch. His eyebrows are scrunched, lips thinning and returning to their usual plushness with him pushing them together, a dust of pink coloring his complexion, a weak glare is on you. “Just enjoy it.”
“I could if you actually did something already.”   
You wrap a tight hand around Leon’s needy cock, heavy and thick, and he shouts, the cry turning into a high-pitched whine you would never dream of coming from him and he clamps a hand on his mouth right in the middle of it, hips bucking into you, head thrown back, blown eyes horrified at what he just did. His breaths are loud and shaky, face turning red in seconds, and you watch, utterly captivated. You’ve seen adorable sides of him before when he lets himself be light and his brow isn’t hanging close to his eyes in that grumpy mood, but what you have right here…   
You’re drunk on this side of his, nibbling at his exposed throat. “You’ll take what I give you.”
“God,” he whispers behind his palm, with a subtle tremble when you squeeze once and let go. His hips stutter up before falling back. Leon’s embarrassed. “Fuck.”
He doesn’t retort back, all of the sass packed and left. You can’t believe this is working. That Leon’s obeying you like this. He’s leaked all over your hand. Oh my god. 
And you’ve really barely even done anything to him. 
You can’t help but wonder if this is you doing this to Leon or he’s just into being bossed around in general. 
How further can you push?
“Look, you’ve wet my hand,” you say, bringing your glistening palm up and separating your fingers after circling the gathered precum around, a thin thread forming between the digits. Like a hawk, he watches you lap it all up and you don’t take your eyes off of his, hearing him grip the sheets. “Still gonna act like this isn’t doing anything for you?”
Leon’s voice is gravelly as he rasps, “Kiss me.” It’s something between a request and a demand that if you don’t do it, he will. 
You oblige, pushing down on his chest to get him to lie down again when it’s apparently too slow and soft for him, and he avidly presses forward to make it rougher, intertwining his tongue with yours harsher to the point of your mixed drool sliding down his chin for more. 
He’s yanking and pulling on his clasp on the dreadfully wrinkled covers in self-restraint as he bites and licks and pulls at your lips, butterflies light up the pit of your stomach and thrash against the liquefied rapture that throbs in your pussy and seeps out, the need for attention growing impatient by the minute.  
You go down and focus on kissing his neck, alternating between openmouthed licks and bites, careful not to leave marks, insides doing a summersault at the small noise of disappointment he makes that transitions into husky gasps. Leon still is concerned with suppressing any kind of unbecoming sounds he’s appalled to come out of him, and you’re bothered by that. Pressing your palm on the head of his cock and twisting sure does the trick to vocalize him a bit, restoring your confidence. 
“Ah… Can’t you just directly touch it,” he sighs gruffly. “This isn’t enough—”
“You aren’t asking nicely enough.” 
His head snaps down, brows raised in disbelief, self-consciousness clouding the teased promise of bliss that edges him on, and you stare back at him pointedly — however, on the inside, you’re worried if he’d ever beg at all. 
You twist your palm with added pressure enough to alleviate the pain, but not enough to carry him to the peak he wants to get to, and his shoulders jump up, “Ah!” Biting down on his momentarily trembling lower lip and shaking his head with closed eyes as if he doesn’t want to see you watch him be like this, he mutters, “I’m gonna get you for this…” 
You grip the base of his cock so hard his hands fly up to your wrists and with a shuddering whimper, stop at the last second before he touches you and he drapes his forearms on his reddened face instead, his back rises from the bed involuntarily, Leon’s flat-on squirming and hating it. 
“That’s not nice,” you tease, pressing your legs together in momentary relief and waves of pleasure that slip on your skin like silk, and narrowly stopping the moan. You breathily add, “What do we say?” 
“Please,” so fast and quiet, humiliated. You understand, but don’t let him off.  
“I didn’t catch that.”
“Fuck, please, come on, please.” His hands ball into fists and his arm veins pop out and his right knee curls upwards. “You can’t keep doing this to me—AHH—mhhmh—!”
His sentence gets cut off into incomprehensible babbling once you start pumping your fist up and down his neglected erection, not even needing lotion for it, he’s drenched enough to make the slide beyond slippery. You add your other hand into the mix and begin teasing the tip, and his chest, having developed a thin layer of sweat and gleaming in the sunlight, is heaving, and he can’t swallow the gasps and noises anymore, fingernails digging into his palms. You can only see his puffed, rufescent lips from the way he’s covering his face.  
“Wasn’t what I had in mind, but I’ll take it,” you say, and it’s genuine. This much alone was too much, way beyond what you thought could happen. Leon is always in control, he has it together so brilliantly that this is actually him falling apart, it’s an enthralling, spellbinding natural disaster so beautiful you can’t look away, want to touch yourself to the sight. 
“I’ll show you what I have in mind,” Leon all but snarls, and he has you on your back and pulls you towards him by your legs harshly even before shivers can go down your spine. “Let’s see if you can take that.” 
You pushed him past his limit it seems, and he darkly stares you down, eyebrows scrunched and beads of sweat rolling down his temples. sweat-dampened hair curtains his face from both sides. His hand slips behind both of your knees and scratches at the smooth skin of the crevice, shooting lightning directly into your core, and he hikes them up to hook over his shoulder and hugs one bulging arm around to hold them together, lining himself up with your slit with a trembling hand, dragging the cherry red, furious tip up and down, slipping it in for a bit, catching your insides in a tantalizing drag, and then taking it out next, making your toes curl in the air and drawing squeals out of you. 
Leon would normally send you to the underground and back from how horribly he’d tease you for being this drenched for him, but he’s strained and silent now, snapping his hips against yours and burying himself to the hilt in the spasming cavern of your pussy in one go, with no resistance from how ready for him you were, ripping a fractured cry from you as your vision blacks and stars dance behind your eyes. He groans gutturally, cock pulsing inside, and you feel the sound in your body. You’re overly sensitive from head to toe, and even the sheets sliding against your burning skin makes your clit throb painfully, deliciously. 
He doesn’t start slow or build to something, it’s quick and rough right off the bat as he’s ramming into you with no mercy, and he’s basically catapulting you into glorious completion, but you need more stimulation, more, something more—
He slaps your hand away when you try to reach down to your clit to slip two fingers between your tightly shut legs and falls on his forearms, “No way I’m letting you do that.” Leon arranges your legs to wrap around his waist, grinding against you. 
His attention then shifts to something else and he pulls on the sleeve of your shirt that’s still on, a scheming shine comes to the blue of his eyes that worry you, and then he’s leaning in and forcing it up. It’s hard for you to move your back and slip it off with the way he’s pinning you down, and it dawns on you late after you make the mistake of raising your arms that it’s what he wants after all. After getting your head out, Leon turns it inside out around the entire length of your arms that act as a makeshift restraint and leaves it like that, you’re incapacitated with your hands over your head like this. 
You whine, this is so about not letting him touch you, and he thrusts up sharply to shut you up, sucking blossoming reds into the crook of your neck, hands pulling and pinching at your nipples. It’s building up. It’s building up, but— “You’re going to come like this.”
The frantic slap of skin against skin is echoing in the room and you struggle against the bunched up shirt around your arms. “Can’t—”
“You’re doing it on purpose at this point.” He laces his fingers into your hair on top of your head, thumb on your forehead in little caresses, contrasting how he fucks you shallow and fast, his voice a couple octaves higher than it usually is as he angles your hips upwards to hit deeper, and your moans are a metronome in beat to his ruthless pace. 
“Yeah, that’s right, take it!” Eyes glazed over, mouth agape, the muscles in his thighs jumping, body pulled taut, wrecked and somehow begging, Leon doesn’t leave a single spot unkissed on your face and throat and he’s hurling towards an uncontrolled craze, he’s so close himself. “More? You want more? Too bad, this is it—mmm—for what you just did to me, and you’re gonna take it!” 
You’re clamping down on him and he hisses in your ear as you repeat it like a mantra, Leon is wrenching a merciless orgasm from you and you have no control over it, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, can’tcan’tcan’tcan’t—!”   
Leon’s delectable weight pins you down as you shoot up with the detonation of the pleasure into a thousand pieces, rippling through your body in building waves, your pussy clenching down on him catches him off guard and he unceremoniously spills into you with a choked, staccato shout shuddering, the succulent warmth coating your insides and adding to the ecstasy, and it just keeps coming, his load is too heavy and too much. Your stiffened legs lock the shivering man in place and tremble around his waist as he languidly rides his bliss out, forehead sticky against your clavicle, the sheer strength with which he holds you against him is euphoric rather than suffocating. 
“God, what the fuck was that,” he mumbles at some point, collapsing on top of you and turning you around with him so he won’t crush you, pulling you to his sweaty chest and putting his chin on top of your head. His scent has you in a fuzzy daze. “What did you do to me?”
You don’t respond, consciousness slipping from your fingers and pulling you deep into the sweet comfort of the dark. 
You feel his hand on your cheek, lightly nudging. “Hey, you okay?” 
“Mhm,” you manage to make out. “Wanna sleep…”
“Okay, sweet girl, I got you,” he says, soft and endeared, from far, far away. 
And with that, you’re out like a light. 
When you wake up, you find yourself thoroughly cleaned up, in comfortable, cotton pajamas, with no Leon in sight and a small note left on your nightstand with the keys to your apartment on top of it. 
It reads: Had to go. I’m sorry about not staying until you woke up. Talk to you when I get back.
You plop back on your fluffy pillows and sigh, chest hurting. It was always going to end this way. In hindsight, you’ve seen it coming. 
Your heart doesn’t agree, tears freely falling from your eyes. It’s really over. Leon really left like that. Just as he came into your life. 
You don’t have the right to complain. You’d agreed to it in the first place. 
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jilixthinker · 3 months
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SKZ AS SUBS - MAKNAE LINE 🥀
as the self-proclaimed sub!skz ambassador, i felt the need to share my version to the internet just because this was boiling inside of my brain for too long, so... i am sorry ♡
content warning: sub!skz, dom!fem reader, unprotected sex, mention of subspace, dacryphilia, perv tendencies, overstimulation, light BDSM, boob sucking, mommy kink, noona kink, anal play (m receiving), cross dressing, feet play, lactation kink, food play, dumbification, pet play, choking, breeding kink, cum play, virgin, reversed corruption kink, sex toys, masturbation, oral sex (both receiving)
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HYUNG LINE MAKNAE LINE
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➛ Han
- whiny™️. the word whiny was created for hannie himself. he becomes a sobbing mess after just one second of you touching him, even if it's not sexual;
- dacryphilia will soon become one of your biggest kinks, even if you didn't explore it before meeting him. he cries, pants, sobs and hiccups at every slight friction and will plead to not to stop, ever;
- tears are not the only thing making your boy messy. because he also drools. a lot. he does it when he is on top of you, face hidden in the crook of your neck, and when it's you topping him, cheek pressed into the soaked pillow under his head;
- with hannie you are gonna have multiple rounds almost everytime. he doesn't last too much, poor angel, because he is always overwhelmed with how warm and tight and wet you feel and he just cannot hold himself. he recovers very fast though, and he will happily suck you into his mouth in those few minutes of waiting;
- be prepared, because he is horny 24/7, and gets pussydrunk very quickly. he is up to anything you can give him? handjob before going to work? quickie in the restroom? filthy audios to keep him satiated? he wants it all;
- he has slight perv tendencies. it's consensual of course, and you told him multiple times that you are perfectly fine with everything he does, but he likes to pretend you don't know. the rush of adrenaline he gets by stealing your panties to bring them to work and taking dirty photos of you when you are not looking makes him feel dirty, and he likes it;
- since he cums really quickly and he is very horny all the times, i can see him being into overstimulation. he will beg you to keep circling the palm of your hand on his cockhead until he almost squirms away, and then he will cum for a second time in a few seconds;
- he has a filthy mouth, and he won't shut up under any circumstance. your neighbors probably hate you;
- he likes to be as submissive and yours as possible. he loves being your little toy to play with, and he will often ask you to finger his mouth as if it was his pussy, and to tie him so he cannot move to much and be completely under your control;
- he prefers when you ride him. he loves seeing you ravishing him and milk him dry, but especially because he just can't get enough of your boobs. when you stay on top he can bury his face on them and suckle at your nipples until your chest is all covered in drool;
- kind of obvious but he has a mommy kink/noona kink, and calling you that while you are fucking him makes his brain feel floaty and fuzzed. "Please noona, oh f-fuck, please - ah nnghh - p-please mama, mommy, let me cum, mama - uhh".
- he is into anal play, but for him. hannie will ask you to finger him, fuck him with your strap, rim him and put a plug in his cute wiggly butt at least once a week. he feels like your princess like that, he cannot help it.
➛ Felix
- here we have him, angel boy lixie. the softest, the sweetest, the embodiment of love. just a look at him and you would give him the entire universe;
- just as binnie, i think that also felix would be into cross dressing. he buys all the pink lacey underwear that he can find on the internet, and he pairs them with pleated skirts and high stokings;
- he will also add a few cute ribbons on his hair, and maybe a little bit of make up too. a rosey eyeshadow, shiny highlighter and glossy lipstick, better if sticky. he will let you fuck him without taking anything off, just pull the panties apart and slide his puffy cockhead on your folds until he cums prettily all over himself;
- he loves you so much he almost worships you. whenerver he is intimate with you, you will always find him looking at you fondly, tears almost prickling his eyes. he cannot help it, he just feels so much when you are together that he cannot believe how lucky he is;
- lixie has particular kinks, but he loves every single inch of you, and he will make sure to let you know. i have the feeling he would love feet stuff a little bit more than he wants to admit. especially when you are chilling on the sofa together, and your sole presses too close to his groin. he always feels a little aroused and filthy for the fact he enjoys this kind of stimulation;
- another mommy kink enthusiast here. he loves being cuddled and pampered by you. the nickname falls naturally out of his lips whenever you give him pleasure, and he sounds so innocent while doing it that it becomes an habit also out of the bedroom;
- lixie loves your breasts. he massage them to fall asleep and he suck on them as a comfort whenever he feels a little bit overwhelmed or fuzzy into his headspace. he like to be babied like that, to be lulled in your arms while he suckles softly on your nipples with pouted lips;
- and this led to his lactation kink. he is not ashamed of asking you to pretend to brestfeed him whenever he is stressed out. "b-baby please, gimme your milk, it was an awful day, p-please";
- he will need a lot of physical touch, such as holding hands, hugging and kissing. He loves every position in which he can be as close to you as he can;
- he wants and gives baby talk all the time. every cute nickname is okay for him, but his favorite are love, angel, sweetheart and sugar;
- definively into food play. he will take every chance to play with you while cooking and baking, sweet hiccups while you twirl your tongue on the head of his honey-dripping cock and lap at his sweet balls underneath;
- talks in 3rd person while in subspace. "uh- mommy, a-angel.. lix -uggghn- l-lixie is cumming, oh god, lixie is c-cumming".
➛ Seungmin
- i am a strong believer that seungmin is the hardest sub of all the boys. whenever he is in the bedroom his personality will shift drastically until he becomes a brainless needy thing;
- minnie is always so stoic and composed in real life that he just needs to let go. sex for him is the only way he can empty his head and give you the absolute control of his body;
- that's why he immediately falls into his subspace as soon as you get intimate with each other. he cannot conceive any other way of loving you than to give you complete power over him;
- i can see him being into light humiliation and dumbification. minnie needs to be useful for you and he will do anything to fulfill your desires. he gets off on the feeling of being your toy and your sexual object, and the embarassment he feels whenever you call him your dumb thing makes his head spin;
- for this exact reason, he is into pet play as well. he loves to be reduced as a silly puppy who needs to earn his treats. whenever you make him kneel in front of you to take food directly from your hands, his cock is always red and leaky against his lap. you often let him hump your calf and stop him just before he cums just to see him crying and pleading for you;
- after a few months, he will probably ask you to explore choking on him. you establish a few rules and safe words before you try that, and the way he just mewls while you lightly restrain his breath will convince you to do it more often;
- minnie needs to be owned. he will ask you to give him a tiny collar with your name on it, and he will wear it everywhere, even at work, hidden under his clothes;
- he always follows your orders diligently, but he enjoys his punishments a little bit too much as well. he pretends not to, because he wants to be your good pup, but he cannot hide the way his wet cock almost drools with precum every time your hand slap the soft fat of his butt, or the back of his balls;
- being so utterly in love with you, he will quickly develop a breeding kink. he cannot hold himself whenever he hears your voice tempting him, and he will cum the hardest if you combine it with a little degradation. "is my little pup ready to breed? mmh... i'm not sure. dumb pup is so weak to fill me up with his cum, isn't he? but you can try, puppy, you can try stuffing me full of your babies."
- and, of course, he is the weakest for cum play. especially if you let him lap his own release out of your folds after he emptied his load inside of you;
- another non verbal baby. as soon as you start pleasuring him, he will not be able to form a single sentence anymore. just sighs, sobs, soft moans and mewls;
➛ I.N
- here we go, another sub enthusiast here!! sweet, lovely innie is so happy of being with you that just cannot wait to try everything that he can;
- i can see him being a virgin before meeting you. not because he didn't have the opportunity of experiencing sex with anyone, but because he wanted to wait for his true love and be as confortable as possible;
- that's why he quickly develops a reversed corruption kink. innie wants - no, he needs - you to ruin him for good. he wants to feel little and inexperienced under your gaze. he wants to know that you are there for him, to teach him and guide him until he knows how to pleasure and be pleasured;
- after the first stages, he becomes unsatiable. he will ask for you to fuck him multiple times a day. poor baby will make up for all the time he lost!;
- he wants to try as many sex toys as he can. he will probably buy a bunch randomly without even know how to use them, and then place them neatly on your bed while waiting for you to show him the way they work;
- he gets pussydrunk pretty fast. he loves eating you out and fingering you the most. as soon as he is confident enough, he will ask you to sit on his face and ride his tongue until you cum on him;
- the prettiest soft grunts while you ride him or you manhandle him, "uh, nnnngh, ff-fuck, ahhh, oh g-god";
- thigh guy for sure. he goes crazy every time he sees you in a short skirt or in a tight pair of jeans. he will look at your legs so much he will almost go crossed-eye and will mentally pray for you to suffocate him with them as soon as you come back home;
- he loves to watch you masturbating. he will sit obediently at the foot of your bed, enraptured by the schlick sound of your fingers pushing in and out of your wet pussy, baby boy almost salivating at the sight;
- call him a simple guy, but he cums the hardest with sloppy blowjobs. he knows he has to stay still, but he usually cannot handle it till you give him permission and will end up thrusting in your mouth just a couple of times before you smack his ass and bring him back to his place;
- another noona lover here. he just loves the feeling of your experienced hands guiding him into pure bliss and to be called your pretty little boy;
- "noona, what was that? oh-ohhh g-god that feels amazing, p-please do it again."
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taglist: @jisunglyricist @hannahhhhs-things @hyuniehwa @changisworld @hyunjinhoexxx @yoobears @rockstrhanji @yongboks-stuff @taliavaleska @hw4-l1z @4-chan-inpadella @k-cock @biglipsfattits @vanillacupcakefrosting @simpity-wimpity
if you see your name in bold, it means that I couldn't tag you!
©️ jilixthinker, 2024. please do not copy, translate, or republish my works anywhere.
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tojiscumdumpster · 3 months
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⠀ ⠀⠀ "unwanted" MATRIMONY
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⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀byakuya kuchiki.
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✧ summary to preserve the existence of y/n's clan, she is forced to wed the twenty-eighth head of the kuchiki clan—byakuya kuchiki.
✧ content warnings reader is described as a black woman who uses she/her pronouns. clanhead!reader x captain!byakuya. bleach verse au (no manga spoilers) byakuya is a noble, so they'll both be speaking as such. lowkey giving royalty au vibes. told in first POV — reader's. tropes included: arranged marriage, childhood rivals to lovers. usage of c*nt, missionary position, fingering, nipple play, praise and breeding kink, primal play, terms of endearment — blossom, my love, etc. plot with smut, fluff, and a touch of angst if you squint hard enough. lengthy, but the build up is worth it and necessary!
✧ author's note i don't have much to say, but here's to adding more bleach men to my roster. i knew i wanted to write for byakuya because that's my baby daddy, and now i finally have this idea i hope you guys enjoy. support me by reblogging, liking, and commenting your thoughts. i would greatly appreciate it. ♡ MINORS AND BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS - DO NOT INTERACT.
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 I must make my days do, lazing around in my private chambers as I am bound to a marriage I wanted no parts of. Especially not with Byakuya Kuchiki. 
 Lord Byakuya, as he prefers me to call him.
 Because I am the current and possibly the final head of the L /N Clan, I am forced to complete my duties as such. Those duties entailed me following through with my grandparents final wish: get married and keep our family name alive. 
 Which I have no issue with fulfilling. 
 My dreams are filled with having children with a man that loves me. To extend our family and grow old together where our souls will find each other in another life. 
 However, I hadn’t planned my marriage to be an arrangement that I wasn’t aware of because of an agreement our grandfathers had prior to me being born. 
 It’s shocking, honestly. More so, ludicrous for them to think this was okay. But I just couldn’t deny my grandfather. Not when his palm was in mine, lacking its warmth that’s usually there due to his near passing. 
 I remember tears staining my cheeks and a smile gracing his when he made his final request for me. 
 That was two years ago. Now, I am married. Have been for almost a year and every day I dread my decision. 
 How could I possibly wed a man as cold as Byakuya Kuchiki? We barely speak. We sleep in separate chambers. The most we see each other is during dinner because it would be ridiculous to have the servants prepare us food at different times. But even so, the silence and tension always remains deafening.
 And to make matters worse, we have yet to consummate our marriage. 
 This is something I cannot possibly do on my own. He may or may not be attracted to me, and I am convinced to assume the latter because he never utters a look in my direction. 
 It’s shameful how he treats me. The words he spoke to me the night of our ceremony is a constant memory I do my best to forget but cannot. 
 I’m officially married. Not the way I expected to be, but what other choice do I have? Grandfather has died and I made a promise to him to marry and bear children to keep the L /N Clan everlasting. Even if that meant being forced into marriage with my childhood rival. 
 As we sit side-by-side next to each other, bowing and thanking all of our guests for their blessings, I feel the coldness radiating off Byakuya. Of course, one of us has to be graceful and fake smiles while greeting everyone, so I am left to the task. 
 Byakuya? He doesn’t hide how dissatisfied he is with how this night is going. 
 To an extent, I understand. Forcing to wed after the loss of his wife, Hisana, is not ideal. Despite it being centuries since her soul has passed, I’m almost positive the heartbreak is still present. 
 Maybe tonight reminds him of her? 
 “Byakuya—what is the matter? Is everything alright?” I inquired. I turn to face him and await a response. 
 The squareness of his jawline catches my attention and I think how it was carved by the gods themselves. I’ve known Byakuya since we were both children, and seeing the fine man he has grown into today never ceases to amaze me. 
 His profile is… beautiful. I’m mesmerized by the softness of his pale complexion and how it contrasts with the darkness of his raven colored locks. 
 The further I stare at him, the more heat floods underneath my cheeks and my mouth watering at the sight of his beauty. 
 But when he finally speaks, all of the emotions I’ve felt have completely diminished. 
 “Do you feel no shame being forced into a marriage where your partner feels nothing for you?”
 Since then, I’ve kept my distance from him. I remember the pain that pinged my chest when processing the words that left his mouth. I remember rushing to my chambers after the ceremony and crying until it felt like a million shards of glass were piercing them. 
 Yes, I feel ashamed. But I never expected Byakuya to be so direct with me. He’s certainly not the young boy I remember growing up with. Where we would make everything into a competition. 
 Our swordsmanship. Our knowledge. Our abilities. Whatever can be turned into a challenge for us, Byakuya and I competed. 
 That led him to be a captain of the Gotei Thirteen and twenty-eighth head of the Kuchiki Clan. And me, the twenty-third head of my family. I initially wanted to enter the Shin’ō Academy along with Byakuya, but I chose to stay with my family and oversee our medicine and agriculture. 
 However, even when he entered the academy, he always made time to see me because we were friends before any juvenile competition we made. 
 So why can he not see his wrongdoings in our marriage? Could he at least try for the sake of me fulfilling my duties? 
 All that keeps me company are movements of the servants coming in and out of my chambers, along with the river that flows past my view. 
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 As always, dinner is silent. 
 Byakuya has returned to the manor after attending his captain duties, and this is the only time of day where I see him. He is stripped from his formal wear and has been dressed in a simple dark blue yukata that has specks of cherry blossoms scattered across the garment. 
 If I didn’t loathe him so much, I could take my time appreciating how handsome he looks while being in the comfort of his manor. His locks are released from the kenseikan he wears that symbolizes his nobility as the head of the Kuchiki Clan. 
 I occasionally steal glances at him while he eats, and yes, while I do despise being in this forced marriage just as he does, I can’t help but be captivated by him.
 My lady parts wouldn’t allow me to deny the attraction. 
 As I watch my beloved husband, I think of all the sexual acts I would like for him to do to me. Please me in ways I could only imagine he can do. Make love to me and whisper in my ear how breathtaking I am.
 When I look at Byakuya, I think of all the times I’ve spent time with Lady Kyōraku and she tells me how madly in love she is with Captain Kyōraku. How well he treats her, and even with his demands in his new position, they spend much quality time together. 
 She even graced my ears with a few details about a picnic session they recently had where it led to activities that typically aren't done out in public.
 I wonder if my husband will ever be reckless enough to do an act as obscene as that. 
 Not likely. 
 I hate quiet, especially while we eat together. What is the purpose if no words will be spoken amongst each other? No eye contact. No going to bed together after we have finished. Why? 
 Why am I not able to be served dinner in my private chambers? Surely, I can make a request for this going forward. 
 Or… perhaps there is a different way for me to get him to speak. 
 I take a sip of my cremè sake before clearing my throat. “How did your day treat you, my lord?”
 “It was fine,” he responds, flatly. Should I be shocked that he didn’t lift his chin when speaking to me? 
 “There is something I would like to discuss with you.”
 “It can wait. I’m not up for discussion at the moment.” His dismissive tone has annoyance leaching onto my flesh, and I feel like I am on the verge of exploding.
 “Perhaps it cannot. I would like to discuss something with you, my husband.” The authority in my voice grabs his attention and finally, he looks up at me and catches my hardened gaze. 
 He deeply sighs, sitting down his bowl of rice and chopsticks. “What is it?”
 “Maybe we should… begin the process of annulment.”
 His face remains calm. Expressionless, like I always remembered. Does he care enough to show a reaction to me asking for a cancellation of our marriage? 
 This shouldn’t be a difficult decision for him, so why is he taking his time to respond? 
 The longer I wait, the more his lack of response bothers me. It’s not similar to before, where the quiet was filled by the sounds of us eating and the servants coming in to check on us.
 No, it’s the silence where if he does not speak, I will make the decision for him and walk out and permanently leave the manor.
 I think of all the conversations I’ve had with Lady Rukia, his younger sister. And Renji, his lieutenant, about how I should be patient with Byaykuya. That, eventually, he will come around and warm up to me being his wife. 
 But how long?
 How long would it take for us to share a chamber? For us to act like we’re in this agreement together? For him to look at me with the same attraction I have for him?
 How long? 
 It possibly couldn’t be more than a year. 
 This is not the Byakuya Kuchiki I grew up with. No, I wasn’t in his life those five years he was wedded to Hisana due to my own family issues. Maybe I could’ve been there for him and witnessed his change that caused him to be so apathetic. 
 However, this cold man that sits before me… I don’t know who he is.
 “Is there someone else you’re interested in?” He finally speaks, breaking me from my musings. 
 I draw my brows together, confused at his accusation. “Are you… insinuating that I am having an affair?”
 “We’ve been wedded for a year. No acts of intimacy have been done between us. Now suddenly you—”
 “Because of you!” My voice roars, interrupting whatever nonsense that he was about to spew. 
 I refuse to allow him to put the blame on me for the stillness in our marriage. I have tried, time after time, and all I am met with is a man that constantly rejects any type of advances I attempt to provide him.
 So, I continue. 
 “I have given you a year, Byakuya,” I begin, standing over him. He looks up at me and again, his expression remains undetectable. “The day of our ceremony, I have accepted that I will be your lady, and on that night, I was prepared for consummation. But what did you do instead? Humiliate me in front of all our guests with your trivial question!”
 My chest heaves an adrenaline I haven’t felt in a while. Maybe even never, however, leave it to Byakuya to rile me up this way. 
 “If you or anyone thinks I will bear children with a man that looks at me with utter disgust, then you all are sadly mistaken.” Are my last words to him before I rush out the supper room, tears threatening to fall, reminding me of the night we wedded. 
 I feel like such a fool. Disgrace descends upon me and my mind quickly goes to my grandfather and the words he spoke to me on his deathbed. Be strong, child, and fulfill your duties as the current head of the L /N Clan. Bear beautiful children with Young Byakuya and fall effortlessly in love. 
 Oh, grandfather. What am I to do? I can no longer stand to be in this marriage. Not like this. 
 Not with Byakuya. 
 By this time already, I had returned to my chambers and began preparing for bed. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me tonight, so some sleep will do me good. 
 But my suggestion of annulment will continue in the morning. 
 Just as I was moisturizing my body, a knock at the door interrupts my nightly routine and I immediately grow annoyed. 
 I know it isn’t one of the servants checking on me. They know when I don’t want to be bothered with. So that leaves the man that’s responsible for my current state of mind. 
 Ignore him, I say to myself. He’ll think I’m asleep and eventually leave. But no. He barges into my chambers, unannounced, and shuts the door behind him. 
 “Excuse me. I don’t recall giving you permission to en—”
 “Do you think this is easy for me?” He asks, paying no mind to my protests. “Being… married to you.”
 I turned my back to him and continued with the task I was doing before he interrupted. “Save me the boredom and keep it to yourself. No need to further remind—”
 “For a year… I have been… fighting these emotions. These… feelings that have been forming in my chest at the thought of you being my lady.” His admission shocks me… but I remain quiet and stare at him intently through my mirror and allow him to finish. “Do you wish to know how I feel about you, Lady Y/N?”
 My chest slowly heaves up and down and I hold eye contact with him. “How?” I breathed. 
 “You interfere with my routine. Daily… weekly… monthly. Just the thought of you has my mind spiraling.” He moves closer to me with every word he speaks. “A noble. A clan head such as myself, loses all sense of control with just a whiff of your scent. Your jasmine scent that drives me utterly insane. I simply cannot act with honor when I’m around you, so I purposely choose to ignore you.”
 “But… why?” I questioned. 
 “Because you are you, my lady. You may think I don’t keep my eyes on you, but I do. All day… every day. I… watch you sit by the river and simply smile at the sight of nature. From a distance, I hear how kind you are when you speak to others. It’s… enchanting.”
 I slowly release a breath and swallow a thick gulp. “So why is that you don’t speak to me? If I’m, as you stated, enchanting?”
 “Speaking is not what I wish to do with you when we are alone,” he admits. Arousal rushed between my legs at the true meaning of his statement. 
 “It is hard for me to believe that you have an attraction toward me, Lord Byakuya.” As if my words triggered him, he takes long strides to close the distance between us. 
 “Perhaps it’s because you do not look at me the way you look at others. I, too, should be questioning your attraction toward me.”
 I stand to meet with him, but fail miserably due his tall frame towering me. Still, I stand firm with my gaze. “Others such as who?”
 “Shūhei Hisagi,” he deadpans.��
 “You’re being ridicu—”
 “That smile… Your eyes… The look you give him… you have never looked at me that way before. He personally delivers the newsletter to our manor, which he doesn’t have to, but he does for you.”
 “Are you… jealous? Of the small interactions I have with Hisagi a few times throughout the week?”
 It is hard for me to believe that the honorable Byakuya Kuchiki himself is getting flared up over a platonic friendship between Hisagi and I. 
 Sure, there may be a chance he feels more for me than I know, judging by how his cheeks stain a light pink color when he delivers the newsletter. 
 But in no shape or form do I feel the same way, and I would never stoop as low as stepping out in my marriage. Even if my husband treats me like I am a fly on the wall. 
 Though, now, as he stands before me, slightly flustered, nostrils flaring, and a pinched expression—Byakuya is in fact—jealous. 
 I do not know how to feel about this, but I do know it is better than the distance I was getting before. 
 “Does this,” he grabs my hand to slip between us so I can feel his hardened erection, causing me to suck in a breath, “feel like I hold no attraction to you?”
 “Byakuya,” I barely said above a hushed tone. 
 He presses his forward against mine, whispering, “Everyday… I curse myself for these feelings I have for you, to the point where I attempt to avoid you yet fail horribly because I can’t help but watch you from afar.” His hand gently runs up and down my arm, and this bit of contact burns warmth to my flesh. 
 “I feel wrong. Felt, wrong for having such feelings for you, knowing my late Hisana has passed away. I thought my heart went along with her illness, however, you returned to my life unexpectedly.”
 I lick my lips before asking, “Are you saying you… love me, my lord?”
 “I desire you, my lady. Crave you in ways that make me want to act animalistic.” His lips ghost over mine before he falls to my neck and inhales heavily. “I’ve always wanted to know what it is like to have you on my tongue. To hear you beg for me to give you more than what I am giving.”
 “My lord… please.” 
 He shushes me. “Your beauty is beyond words. I have… never seen a rich, deep, golden brown complexion such as yours. You hold yourself with grace, but I know you’re a minx underneath these silk garments.”
 He begins trailing faint kisses along my flesh until meeting with my face once more. I stare at him and take advantage of his ash-colored hues that resemble the sky on a cloudy day. 
 I don’t recall ever being this close in proximity to Byakuya. I’m enthralled by the smoothness of his skin and the color of his lips that reminds me of a thousand cherry blossoms. 
 I want to kiss him. I, too, also want to know what it feels like to have the taste of him on my tongue. Just—
 “May I kiss you, Y/N?” The octave of his voice, slightly lower than usual, breathy with a touch of desperation… it does something to my core. 
 His cheeks flush red and my eyes widen at the sight of him. It feels like this is a fantasy, a moment I thought I would only see in my dreams. He is completely vulnerable, stipped down to where he forgets the formalities and calls my name. He is like this for me because of me. 
 When he is like this–I do not loathe him.
 “You may.”
 Byakuya gently presses his mouth against mine, our lips merely touching as if he is skeptical about what he is doing. He pulls back to look at me and I know desperation is shown on my face. And I know he feels the same.
 How he engulfs my arm with his hand, applying immense pressure to show his desire for me tells me so. 
 My breaths are staggered. I’m thinking, what will he do next? Will he turn around and return to his chambers, regretting this moment ever happened? No. He does not. 
 He caresses my nose with his, breathing me in before meeting with my lips once more. 
 This time, he cuffs my face and deepens our kiss. My hands latched  onto his wrist to hold him in place because I will not allow him to show any skepticism once again. 
 Byakuya takes his time exploring my mouth, but a touch of eagerness is shown when his tongue slips inside of me to get more. Heat hums throughout my body and I feel wetness pooling between my thighs due to the lack of under garments I am not wearing. 
 Is this what it feels like to kiss him? Is it normal for my limbs to grow weak? As if he read my thoughts, he sweeps me off the ground and wraps my legs around his waist. Our heads move side-to-side in unison while we devour each other’s grunts and moans. 
 We head in the direction to my futon and ever so lightly, he lays me down and pulls away from me. 
 “Strip for me.” His order is soft but filled with dominance I can’t be anything but submissive to. 
 I untie my silk robe, slowly until it falls off my shoulders and bares my body. His eyes… where I know Byakuya to be calm and collective during battle, right now a beast rages through him, and I am his prey that he is ready to feast on. 
 My legs spread, revealing my sex that is moist beyond measure. A growl forms in the pit of Byakuya’s stomach and it spreads chills down my spine.
 He palms my breasts while gazing at me and I shudder from his touch. I could believe that this is in fact a dream, but it is not. 
 No longer than a second later, and he pinches my nipple between his fingers. 
 “My lord,” I softly cried, arching my back. 
 “You are art, Y/N.”
 “Address me as your lady,” I demanded. 
 “Apologies, Lady Y/N.” He leans forward to press a quick kiss to my lips. “Is there anything else you would like for me to do?”
 “Strip for me as well,” I instructed, teasingly. 
 His yukata drapes low on his hips and I am met with his slender build. Squared shoulders. A trimmed waist. And an abdomen where I would enjoy rubbing my wetness along that leads to what will bring me pleasure tonight. 
 He stands to completely remove his garments and my mouth floods at the sight of him. His groin, hard and veiny, drips liquid that I’m yearning to taste. 
 Byakuya, as expected, is well trimmed, but leaves just enough hair, perfect to my liking. 
 He’s much larger than I imagined. A size I need time adjusting to, that’s for certain. 
 “Am I up to your liking?” He quips. 
 I hum, tugging my bottom lip between my teeth. “Perhaps.”
 The smallest chuckle, almost faint, escapes his mouth. “Perhaps…” He mocks, catching onto the lie that I uttered. 
  He kneels down before me and sucks my lower lip into his mouth while he widens my legs even further to bring pleasure to my cunt. Those slender fingers, so long and delicate, slip inside of me and I mewl at the slight intrusion. He massages my walls as if he is exploring, attempting to familiarize himself with how I pulsate around his fingers. 
 I break our kiss to moan his name, and my lord takes advantage of the opening to plunge his tongue in the back of my throat and sink deeper into my cunt. 
 I never expected Byakuya to be well equipped with his fingers this way. Those same fingers that are used for battle are currently being used to bring me to my release. 
 Soon, his lips find the valley of my breasts where he leaves bruises on my flesh with teeth. I whimper so pathetically, shocking myself at the sound that leaks from me. 
 He sucks on my nipples greedily, like a starved man that’s hungry for his lover, and this time, I let out a moan of his name. 
 “Byakuya…”
 He looks at me through his lashes and firmly grips my breast. “Remember, my lady. Address me as your lord.”
 “I am sorry, my lord. Please… I can no longer wait. I want to come.”
 “Where is that fire that was present earlier? Begging?” I clench around his fingers at the sound of him taunting me. 
 He flickers his digits quicker inside of me, pulling such obscene noises from my cunt that mingles with my moans and his praises in my chambers. 
 Byakuya, this time, does not kiss me. No, instead, he ogles me and gently holds my chin in place where I am forced to watch him deliver me a release I’ve been waiting a year for. 
 There was a time where I thought he didn’t have an ounce of attraction to me, and now here he is, pleasing me in a way I haven’t been before. 
 “Oh, Lord Byakuya… I… I’m about to come. I feel a release coming,” I purred. 
  “But I have barely touched you, blossom.”
 I latched onto his wrist and rolled my hips to meet his fingers thrusting inside of my cunt. “I—I know. I’ve been waiting for this… for so long.”
 “You’ve fantasized about me bringing you pleasure?” I nod, causing a small smirk to form on his lips. “Tell me more, Lady Y/N. What else do you want? Would you like my shaft inside your tight cunt?”
 “Yes.”
 “Tell you how breathtaking you look while being filled with me?”
 “Oh, yes. Yes, Lord Byakuya.”  
 The faintest, most gentle kiss is placed on the side of my mouth and I feel the tension at the bottom of my stomach unraveling.
 “Are you prepared to bear my children? To have my come flooding your cunt until it drips out?” He ghosts over my ear. “Will you take me?”
 “Bya… kuya…” My orgasm suddenly crept onto me and I’ve created a mess on his hand. 
 I throw my head back and moan to the gods above. I can’t stop shaking and he continues to pump his fingers inside of me. 
 For a year I thought this man loathed me, but tonight I am proved otherwise. 
 Lord Byakuya has described himself as a madman when he is around me, and it is shown when he doesn’t permit me the time to come down from my release before guiding his cock to my entrance. 
 I look between us, anticipating the moment he enters my body and wondering how I will take him. 
 He attempts to push himself inside, but is met with interference and clicks his tongue. Frustrated at the constriction of my cunt because his cock is aching to feel my walls. 
 “I see she is as stubborn as you are,” he taunts. 
 I slyly smirk at him. “Giving up—Ohh…”
 Byakuya does not allow me to finish my retort before giving me one long thrust between my folds to completely stuff me. My brows knits together at the slight intrusion and hint of pain that’s mended by my wetness. 
 I’m… stretched. How could he fit? He’s so… big. Large. I feel his veins pleasurably grazing me when he slowly begins to pull in and out. My cunt molds around his cock like he’s all she knows and I gasp with every movement. 
 My thighs are pushed back so he could see all of me, to see how I’m swallowing him whole. He swears underneath his breath and seeing Byakuya so vulnerable like this has me pulsating. 
 “You… are amazing, my lady. This cunt of yours… It's perfect,” he declares. “For a year you have been keeping this from me?”
 “More, my lord. Give me a bit more.”
 “So desperate for my come, are you?”
 I eagerly nod and grip his forearms to take his pounding. He wastes no time acquiescing to my request, increasing his thrusts to pull such lewd noises from me.
  I’m almost embarrassed by the loudness of my dripping sex. I’m practically making a mess on my futon and I’m mortified that the servants will need to replace my sheets. 
 Again, his mouth and hands are back on my breast, sucking and circling my nipples until they ache. Byakuya alternates between the two to show equal amounts of love and I have never felt so overwhelmed.
 He drives into me with so much passion while marking me with his teeth and alleviating the pain with his tongue. 
 “When I breed you, you will be completely mine, my love. You will be full of me, carrying my child,” he rasps, rutting into me with more force. “How many will you give me?”
 I gasped. “As many as you want, Lord Byakuya. Just please… make me come again. I feel it approaching.”
 “So come for me, blossom.”
 His thrusts are harsher than before. The head of his cock repeatedly presses my sweet spot and I feel the spark of electricity tingling in my lower back. My breasts are still occupied by his mouth, but they move obnoxiously with the rhythm of his poundings. 
 I cry his name, scream to my lord how wonderful this feels and tears prick the corner of my eyes. His free hand that was on my breast moves to thumb my clit to aid with my near release. 
 Byakuya moans soon joins mine to tell me how my cunt squeezes his cock, nearly strangling. And if it were to lose circulation, I would be the cause. But does he not feel how he throbs inside of me? 
 How he hopes to breed me so we will be bound for life? 
 “You asked me earlier… if I love you. Would you still like to know?”
 “Yes, Byakuya. Tell me… do you?”
 “I do,” he simply answers. “Since the day I saw you staring at the river and smiling at the water flowing. How could I not love you?” He brushes his lips across mine and lowers his voice. “How could I not love you after having you like this? Having your beautiful body, every dip and curve bare underneath me?”
 “Lord Byakuya… I’m coming.”
 “And you sound beautiful when my name drips from your lips. Continue calling me your lord until I have filled you with my come.”
 Over and over, he rocks into me at a frenzied pace, causing my orgasm to burst out of me. Tears stain my cheeks and arousal prickles my flesh from my overwhelming release. However, Byakuya does not let up until his thrusts are uncoordinated, indicating his own climax.
 Coming together as lovers for the first time after our ceremony has me seeing stars in my chambers. His load… it’s heavy. Hot and sticky. It mingles with my own come and creates a mess between us.
 Lord Byakuya, too, is a vocal lover. He comes down from his own release and whispers how ethereal I am. How he would never grow tired of pleasing me and filling my cunt. 
 But it’s the delicacy of him brushing my coils away from my face and placing soft kisses on my cheeks that causes my heart to skip a beat. 
 An hour has already passed, and we have been basking in each other’s presence. His embrace is comforting. It provides me with a warmth that was well needed to fill the coldness beside me when I slept alone at night for the past year. 
 “I’m sorry,” he says, breaking the silence. 
 I know the reason for his apology, but ask anyway. “For what, my lord?”
 “For the discomfort I have provided you since our engagement. You didn’t deserve that… Before anything, you were a dear childhood companion of mine and I treated you horribly.”
 His kind words move me. I place my palm against his cheek and look up at him. “We can discuss it some more later on. For now, I would like to enjoy your company. Is that okay?”
 He kisses the top of my head and pulls me further into his arms. “Of course, my lady… Of course.”
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thank you for reading. reblogs, comments, and likes are well appreciated. if you enjoy my work, please be sure to check our my masterlist for more. ෆ
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fan-goddess · 5 months
Note
Hi! I saw your kinktober post and I was wondering if you could do Aemond and a wife!reader with the breeding kink? Like they’ve been married for a while and they’re trying to have a baby now? Thank you and have an awesome day or night!
Authors Note: You’re very welcome love hope you yourself have an awesome day or night too! ♥️
This is shorter than usual, but hey it’s my fic!
Warnings: P in v sex, breeding kink, hints at possible issues to conceive, dirty talk, possible exhibitionism (if i miss any let me know!)
Taglist: @sofiyathecunt, @marvelgirl123, @sylasthegrim, @mochi-rose, @valeskafics, @humanpurposes, @watercolorskyy, @blue-serendipity, @omgbrcat
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Your marriage to the Prince Aemond Targaryen, much to the surprise of many in court, was quite fruitful.
His touch possessed a softness that no other man had ever showed to you before, and his words showed nothing but pure devotion to you and your well-being.
It was a marriage that you had never expected to find love in, and yet not even a couple weeks after first meeting your betrothed, you and him found yourselves hiding between the tall looking bookshelves in the library, whispering loving words to each other in between sweet kisses placed on each others lips.
Eventually, when the night of the wedding finally came round, it felt as though you were truly witnessing the release of Aemonds inner dragon. That night, he made you feel things you would’ve never thought you would ever experience before. Love being one of them, and true lust and pleasure coming soon after.
His actions and words made you wish for the two of you to possess a physical embodiment of yours and his love for each other. It made you wish every night for a child.
Only it was now nearly a year since the night beginning your marriage, and no child bared fruit. You visited the maester every three weeks, and yet every time you visited you were greeted by him with a face of sympathy and a containment of bad news.
It was what you were walking back from now. Your head held low and your hand placed on your empty womb as familiar news weighed on your head for the unknownth time. You walked solemnly into Aemonds welcoming arms as he stood there waiting for you, and he softly stroked your back with a comfortingly fiery warm palm.
“Was it the same ñuha vēzos.” Aemond murmurs, his lips hovering over the top of your head as he kissed random areas of skin with a tenderness none other than you would truly know of him to possess.
“Yes ñuha jorrāelagon. But it is alright! For we may always try again and again! Until we know for certain your seed has taken root inside of me…” You say back, smiling slightly as you feel aemonds hands grip tighter slightly at your skin, while you yourself practically whisper the words in his ear.
“Do not go about teasing me like that ñuha vēzos, for if you continue I will not be a kind man tonight like I know you so love me to be…”
“Well maybe I wish you to be rough with me tonight my love. Maybe I want you to restrict me on our bed and fuck me till you are certain my womb is filled to the brim of your seed, and and that a child has been conceived. What if I was to want that, my dearest husband?” Your smile shows none of the sadness it held earlier, only of the depravity you wish to indulge yourselves in. Aemonds however, his usual face of neutrality holds does nothing to conceal the lust he feels in that moment.
“Then I suppose you will get it then, like the needy little whore you are…” Aemonds hands grip your waist firmly as he all but pushes you towards the bed, making it so you to fall onto it with a small surprised gasp.
His actions though only serve to make you more aroused as practically tears your clothes straight from your body, revealing yourself to him entirely whilst he himself is still fully clothed.
“Aw, is my little whore needy for my cock?” He grins, slowly beginning to undo the laces of his trousers, chuckling at the way you cannot stop yourself from staring at his erect cock.
“Come on little whore, answer me!” Aemond demands, leaning forward to brush his lips on your own, yet reviling when you try to connect them and his hand that somehow made it to the back of your head, makes it so you cannot. He even chuckles when you lightly whine from frustration, and the slightly pleasant burning sensation on your scalp from him pulling on your hair.
“I-I’m needy for your cock husband! I wish to have you fill me completely with your seed, however you may wish to do so!”
“Good answer…” Aemond growls, leaning back to undress himself entirely before sitting back up on the bed. He moves you slightly, but then comes the hot and heavy feeling of Aemonds cock filling you, and it all feels right again.
Your own moans are practically illegible. All of them involving heavy words that slide off your tongue like silk, with a couple odd moans in between.
Aemond though doesn’t have this same issue, as he continues to grunt dirty words and groans into your ear that makes you more desperate than ever for him.
“I’m going to breed you tonight ñuha jorrāelagon! I’m going to fill your whorish hole with my seed till it’s full and dripping of me, and your womb holds possession of our child. Our son and heir… do you want that ñuha jorrāelagon? To be filled with me? You know I love you, yes?”
“Yes! Yes! I-I love you too ñuha jorrāelagon! Of course I want that! I want that so much please fill me valzȳrys!” You whine. The pronunciation for the Valyrian on your tongue was weak as it drips of your tongue like a heavy slur, yet the meaning does not go to waste, as Aemond growls in approval at it and somehow manages to thrust harder and faster into you. Your whines and moans almost overpowering the sounds of yours and Aemonds sweat covered skin smacking against each other again, and again.
Your voice may have sounded wanton before, and yet with Aemonds new found passion and determination currently coursing through his veins, his cock manages to find and bully that rough patch deep within your cunt and suddenly, you reach a whole new level of volume.
It’s so loud in fact, that Aemond feels the need to place his rough palm over your mouth, which does very little to silence you.
“As much as I love your noises my love, I do not wish to share your glorious sounds with the guards who wait outside our chambers at this very moment. Do you think you could be silent for me ñuha jorrāelagon? Or do I need to help silence you the rest of the night?” It’s so condescending, so shameful to think that the guards could hear you outside these walls. Yet at the same time, sick thrill also manages to find its way up the length of your spine too.
If anything, it almost makes you want to be louder to show them all that it is your husband who you belong to you. It’s only him who owns your body and your love.
Your breath becomes heavy as Aemond continues to restrict your breathing with his palm, and yet if anything you find yourself loving it way more than you should. The feeling of Aemond overpowering you, controlling you in this way, was one of the best feeling you’ve ever felt in your marriage. In your life even.
“Oh… does my little wife like this? Her husband taking what he wants? Her husband taking her tight little cunt and leaving his seed deep inside of her?”
You can only nod quickly in agreement, yet when Aemond removes his hand you take in a few sharp breathes before quickly speaking.
“Yes husband, I love it! Please husband, I think I’m gonna cum! Please leave your cum deep inside of me, I need it so badly!” You whine, and the feeling of everything crashes down on you, as you cum hard on his cock. Aemonds beautiful groans being the only thing able to pierce the ringing in your ears as you can feel his own peak take over him, and his hot cum flooding your insides.
He holds you tightly, unrelenting in letting you fo from his grip. Even when you try to move to grab a nearby cloth.
“Aemond!” You whine. Not from frustration, but from amusement, as he huffs his annoyance at your movements into the skin of your neck. “I need to clean myself up! I’m all sweaty and disgusting!”
“That is where you are wrong ñuha jorrāelagon. You could never be disgusting in my view. You are beautiful…” His words are accompanied by small kisses on the spots he knows are your weakness, and if you were standing currently, your legs would have at this point given up on you. “You are gorgeous.. which is why, I am so obliged in keeping my cock inside of you, to make sure my precious seed stays inside your pretty cunt. All stuffed inside being held in only by my cock… I suppose I will need to fuck another load of my seed inside of you though. To make sure it takes…”
You feel like a whore as you nearly outwards moan at your husband words. He knows where to hit where you’re most sensitive, both with his words and with other things…
You cannot even dare to breath as you merely nod enthusiastically to his proposal. Smiling as you begin to moan once more from his cock, which has already managed to achieve full hardness, and now bullies that special spot inside you. Your lips move to claim his neck, and it all feels right as Aemonds sighs brush against your ear.
It most certainly feels right, as the next month when you visit the maester again, and he reveals for the first time with a smile, that you’re with child.
It most certainly feels right, as you hold yours and Aemonds daughter in your arms, moving so the both of you could affectionately kiss the top of her head, that already is littered with gorgeous silver curls.
“She’s beautiful…” Aemond murmurs, unable to take his gaze from her as she sleeps peaceful in your arms. “She takes after her mother in that…”
“Oh no dear husband…” You deny, choosing to lovingly look at the sight of him gazing at her with such rare softness. “She takes after you in that...”
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straykeedz · 5 months
Note
felix the typa guy to hug you tight, get teary eyed and whimper so cutely when he's about to cum.
type of guy to hug again and say things like "it's okay" "let it all out" "pretty girl" and stroke your hair when you're about to cum.
type of guy who feels guilty easily if you feel the slightest bit of difficulty walking the next day.
"I'm sorry baby I didn't mean to hurt you:(" aww.
kind of guy who sometimes gets shy midway and hides his face in the crook of your neck or cover your eyes. "don't look pleease" "i feel so shy" bro we fucked so many times already?
gets even more turned on when you slide your hand down to grip his balls and coo him to let it all out when he's about to release inside you..
sometimes even gets SO turned on that his ears and cheeks get visibly red.. almost like he has a fever. even his chest area turns a pinkish tone. cute! he cannot hide it even if he wants to, his face says it all :(
his priority is to make it as intimate as possible and make you comfortable.
he's a sweetheart like that.
-🍓
this was 😵‍💫 thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, 🍓. ❤️‍🩹🫂
oh, my sweet boy felix 🥺
he’s a a sweetheart indeed… lets out the softest sounds in bed because he gets so shy, but he can’t hide the way you’re making him feel so good every time. how do you do that? hides his face in the crook of your neck as he cums - you think it’s because he’s embarrassed to be seen in such a vulnerable state, but it’s actually because he needs to feel you even closer, he needs to breathe in your scent until it makes him dizzy. grips you tighter as he releases, and his orgasms with you are always so intense that every time he thinks he’s about to pass out.
and oh, he’s the sweetest when you’re about to cum… gaze on your face to not miss a single reaction from you, he wants to see every single face you make. he praises you so much, whispering sweet words in your ear as he focuses on your pleasure only. “you’re gonna cum for me, love?” “you’re so beautiful, my sweet angel” “cum for me, love, let go. i’m right here, you’re safe”. he’s so giving in bed he’ll probably make you cum a couple of times every time you have sex. it’ll nearly send him over the edge if he sees you roll your eyes in the back of your head as you’re releasing around him, and he forces himself to shut up so that he can hear the sweet sounds that fall from your lips.
aftercare is also a must with him, and he’ll feel so guilty if he sees you wince in pain after you’re done having sex 🥺 asks you a million questions like “was i too rough? did i go too hard?” “why didn’t you stop me, love?” “does it hurt that bad?” or probably feels guilty to the point he says things such as “ah, i knew i should’ve been more careful”. no matter how many times you tell him that you’re fine, that he didn’t hurt you and that you’re just a little bit sore because the sex was just so good, he’ll feel guilty nonetheless and spends the rest of the time smothering you with kisses and cuddles and even runs you a warm bath.
oh you’re right 🍓anon, he gets so shy sometimes 🥺 it mainly happens when he’s too much inside his head, wondering if he’s enough for you or if you still find him attractive. to you, it sounds completely absurd when he tells you, but at the same time you know that insecurities are a bitch. so you come up with a plan - show him how perfect he is, and how incredibly hot you find him. of course he gets shy and whiny at first, but then starts relaxing under your touch, and believes every word that comes out of your mouth. “how could you think i don’t find you absolutely perfect, hm?” poor boy gets so red in the face 🤧 “these arms? absolutely perfect. they hug me perfectly, and so tight when you make love to me.” “your body? stunning. every time i see you changing i have to wipe the drool off my face.” “your cock? perfect. the perfect size for me, reaches all the sweet spots and makes me cum so hard every time.” “oh, and don’t even get me started on your cute face!” the best part is that you mean every single word.
and oh - if you touch his balls… he’s cumming on the spot, there’s no way he can put off his orgasm. it’s his most erogenous zone. his balls are just so sensitive, there’s no way he can stop himself from shooting his load once you touch him there. he doesn’t tell you about it. you find out one day, when you’re giving him the most intense blowjob of his life. you cup his balls as you go down on him and before he can warn you, he’s releasing in your mouth, letting out le loudest sounds you’ve heard from him as his fingers grip the bedsheets. of course he gets embarrassed about it, tip of his ears turning of a bright red shade. you actually think it’s hot, though. so, whenever you want him to just lose control and let go, or whenever you find yourselves in a particularly heated session, you just let your hand travel all the way to his balls. you cup them, massaging them lightly and extremely delicately as you whisper in his ear things such as “mhh, be a good boy, felix, let go for me” or “give it to me, all of it, fill me up”.
intimacy is the keyword in your relationship with felix, both inside and outside the bedroom. but especially in the bedroom he needs to feel you close, to get lost in the feeling of your bodies intertwined, of the scent of your skin, the taste of your lips. he needs to feel close to you to the point it almost feels like your bodies are melting and fusing together. it’ll leave you breathless, dizzy, your body will feel as light as a feather once you’re done - and he’ll be there, by your side, taking care of you, because you’re his priority.
i need… i need to go outside and touch some grass… but thank you once more for sharing your thoughts with us, 🍓🩷
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rainbowsuitcase · 5 months
Text
The Winter Soldier - Rewatched
I decided to rewatch CA:TWS after about five years and I have some thoughts.
1. There’s "moon landing" written on Steve's list of things to catch up on. This movie is happening two years after the first Avengers and Google says Steve woke up a year before that. What the hell has he been doing for three years that he hasn’t had the time to catch up on moon landing? Moon landing!
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2. Again, Steve's been living in this century for three years and yet, when Sam asks him what makes him happy, he doesn’t have an answer. He doesn’t know how to not be a soldier. He doesn’t know how to be anything but.
3. Regarding Civil War, people say it's ironic that Steve is the one against the accords because he’s always the one following orders (and similar crap) but that’s literally not true? In CA:TFA, Captain America as a hero is literally born from Steve going against orders to save Bucky. In this movie, he disagrees with project Insight from the beginning and later, he’s the one to decide to take SHIELD down with it, because the organization cannot be trusted anymore. Steve Rogers was never "a good boy following orders." He was always a man who did what he thought was right.
4. Also, this movie is practically a PSA that you can’t trust these authorities, but people still expected Steve to just sign away his free will as a hero to one, just a movie later? bfr
5. I am convinced that if he went shield first, Steve could easily run through a wall. At least in America, walls are made of paper there.
6. If I remember correctly, the Winter Soldier is the only enemy of Captain America that uses the shield against him in such capacity, and that’s just a really nice touch.
7. On that note, the Winter Soldier on his own is such a cool character that I would definitely want to see more of if there wasn’t, you know, tortured and brainwashed Bucky under there.
8. If one of them was a woman they'd end up together. I know the fandom says it a lot but I completely forget how painfully true that is. We spend a third of the movie, at least, with Natasha trying to find Steve a girlfriend and wondering why he doesn’t have one, and that’s a plotline that doesn’t get resolved in the movie. Steve says he doesn’t date because it’s "kinda hard to find someone with shared life experience," in the very same movie where he finds out that his lifelong best friend, possibly the only person on earth with "shared life experience," is still alive. If Bucky was a woman, this would be called foreshadowing.
9. And to end on a positive note, Sebastian's face acting is literally perfect. He had like five lines in the whole movie and yet he brought Bucky to life so well. He gave the character a soul.
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This scene is literal acting gold and Sebastian deserved an Oscar for these five seconds alone.
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lustfulslxt · 6 months
Note
Dom!Chris makes his girl wear one of those vibrators that’s controlled by an app while they’re in public and tells her any noise she lets slip out is an extra spanking she gets while she’s bent over his lap later 🤭
Trouble - Chris Sturniolo
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warnings : dirty dirty nsfw, dom!chris, spanking, use of toys
“We have to get it!” Chris exclaims, shoving the item in my face.
I can’t help the chuckle that emits from my mouth as I push his arm away, so that I can actually see what he’s holding. As I’m reading it, he impatiently shuffles on his feet.
“Come on, you’ll love it!” He whines, trying to convince me.
That’s when I realize it’s a vibrator that you can sync to your phone through the We-Vibe app, and control the settings that way. My face heats up at his comment, suggesting that I would love it, because he’s absolutely right.
“I don’t know.” I say, pretending to be unsure.
“Oh, please! This would bring you to your knees for me.” He taunts, his lips curving into a smirk.
My eyes go wide and I turn my head to the side, avoiding his gaze for a split second. When I look forward, I see him looking at me with a proud smile on his face as he nods his head.
“Yep! We’re getting it.” He states, walking to the register with it.
Biting my bottom lip to prevent my lips from growing into a wide smile, I follow behind him, giddy and excited for what’s to come. We get to the register, and Chris hands the box to the cashier with that same smile on his face, a smile of accomplishment. He turns to look at me, sending me a quick wink that lights my insides on fire. He doesn’t have to do much of anything at all, I’m always ready and eager for him.
Chris pays and grabs the now bagged box, tossing an arm around me and pulling me into him. “Let’s go, lover.”
We get out to the car and Chris instantly opens the door for me, planting a kiss on my cheek before closing my door and happily skipping to his side. He gets behind the wheel, reaching back to set the bag on the backseat.
“I cannot wait to use this on you.” He grins, starting the car up.
I watch as he puts the gear in reverse, then places his arm behind my seat and looks back to watch as we pull out of our parking spot. He notices me staring and a smirk pulls to his lips as he puts the car in drive and starts our trip home.
“You’re so cute, I love you.” He smiles, placing his right hand on my thigh as he holds the wheel with his left.
“I love you more.” I say, softly rubbing his hand on my thigh, before pulling my phone out to begin our music playlist.
Chris and I have been together for almost three years, and it’s been nothing short of amazing. He’s always been good to me, and we hardly ever seriously fight, but if we do, he’s quick to make things right before we end the day. He’s very loving and it shows through all of his gestures; gifts, compliments, the way he speaks of me to others, the way he talks to me, how he touches me.
Don’t get me wrong, he can be a real sweetheart in the bedroom; gentle with his touch, sweet talking me, never pushing me to my limits. Other times, he’s a nasty freak. I love both versions of him, in my opinion, it’s a perfect mix. He gives me whatever I need, whenever I need it. If I need soft Chris, he’s exactly that, making love to me in such a sensual way. If I need hard Chris, he’s exactly that, fucking me dumb until I can’t take it anymore.
I just know, with this new toy we got, I’m getting the freak tonight, and I can’t be more thrilled.
“Baby, do you want to go to dinner tonight?” Chris asks, turning down our street. “Nick asked me earlier, and I just remembered.”
“Oh, sure.” I respond, “What time?”
“I think he said around six, but I’ll have to double check to make sure.”
“Sounds good.” I smile at him.
I look at the time on my phone and see that it says 2:12, which gives me enough time to possibly take a nap before having to get ready. I don’t need to do much but shower, get dressed, and maybe a light makeup look, so I could definitely squeeze in a two hour nap.
“Can we take a nap when we get in?” I ask him as we pull into the driveway, “Before dinner.”
“Already planned on it, baby.” He grins at me, shutting the car off once we enter the garage.
He grabs the bag from the back and gets out of the car, quickly walking over to my side, opening the door for me. Grabbing my hand, he helps me out and shuts the door for me. Before he can walk us inside, I stop in my tracks, causing him to halt and expectantly look at me.
“What’s up?” He asks.
I grab his cheeks and pull him into me, placing my lips on his, giving him a soft and sweet kiss. Sometimes, I just need to show him I love him, especially when he’s a gentleman.
“You’re the best, let’s go.” I smile to him, pulling him to the door.
He smiles back at me, squeezing my hand in return and following in suit. We get inside and immediately head over to our room. Chris places the bag on his dresser, both of us kicking off our shoes. I instantly jump in bed, sprawling out beneath the blankets, Chris repeating my actions.
I flip onto my side, him pulling against me, our bodies meeting to create a much appreciated warmth. His arm rests around me, his hand up my shirt and holding my breast. My body’s firmly pressed against his, his breath hitting my neck as he pulls me impossibly closer. I scoot back, pressing my ass against his crotch, very slightly shifting to tease him just a bit. It doesn’t take long at all before I can feel his dick stiffening behind me, poking into my cheek.
“Y/N, what do you think you’re doing?” Chris asks in a warning tone.
“Napping?” I retort, feigning confusion as if it were nothing but obvious.
“Don’t play with me, or we’ll skip dinner and I’ll fuck you into tomorrow.” He whispers in my ear, his hand tightening around my boob.
Chris has always been able to see right through me, whatever it is, he can read me like a book. There was no hiding anything from him, he knows me like the back of his hand.
“That actually sounds more appetizing than dinner.” I whisper back, pushing my lower half into his even harder.
In one swift motion, he flips me onto my back and is hovering over me. His right knee is placed in between my legs, as his other leg straddles mine, his erection sitting directly on my thigh. Both of his hands are set on the sides of my head as he holds himself upright, staring down at me. His lips faintly brush against mine, but pull away before I can capture them in a kiss. He drags them across my cheek, leaving my skin beneath him tingling.
He makes his way toward my ear, kissing right below it and pressing a few kisses on my neck. I can’t help my heavy breathing at this point, he always knew what got to me. His mouth reaches my ear once again and he plants a wet kiss onto it. I feel his tongue run across my earlobe before his mouth wraps around it, sucking softly, eliciting a soft moan from my lips. Suddenly, his hand grips my jaw and he slams his mouth on mine, shoving his tongue in my mouth as he kisses me deeply.
“Be a good girl for me tonight, and I’ll give you everything you want and more.” He says once he pulls away.
I’m physically incapable of saying anything as he repositions us once more, now laying behind me again. I can’t help but feel his hard on pressed into me, and I want nothing more than to take him right now. I can practically feel his smirk against my neck, already knowing he feels proud for getting me worked up. He never fails to leave me stuck stupid, anticipating what’s to come.
“Baby, you almost ready?” I hear Chris call out from the bedroom.
Emerging from the bathroom with a sheepish look on my face, I look down to the towel wrapped around me. I literally just got out of the shower, and he wants to know if I’m almost ready.
“Bro.” He deadpans once he takes my appearance in. “I thought you maybe only had lip gloss to put on or something, and here you come, completely wet and naked.”
Despite his complaints, I can see his pupils dilate as his eyes roam my glistening body. He licks his lips at the sight of me, before bringing his hands in front of him, showing me what he’s holding; the vibrator we had bought earlier.
“It’s sanitized and ready for use.” He grins, holding it out for me.
“You wanna use this at dinner?” I ask as I take it from him.
“Yes.” He nods, “Doesn’t it sound exciting? Risking an orgasm while we’re out in public?”
I shyly smile at him, nodding my head in agreement. He pumps his fist in the air, cheering in satisfaction. I just shake my head with a giggle coming from my mouth, then grab my clothes and head into the bathroom. I quickly get dressed and put the vibrator in place, eager to see how the night goes. After exiting the bathroom, I brush my hair and apply products like deodorant, lotion, and perfume. Deciding to skip my makeup, I just slip my shoes and grab my purse, sliding my phone in it.
“I’m ready.” I tell Chris, who’s now scrolling on his phone as he sits on the bed.
He looks up and smiles at me, standing up and placing a kiss on my head. “You look gorgeous, let’s go.”
Once we made it out to the van, Chris and I sat in the back, with Nick and Matt up front. It’s just us four for dinner, and I’m glad because I don’t know how brutal Chris is going to be, and I’d rather not lose my mind in front of a bunch of people.
Nick’s music played throughout the car, faint conversation coming from the two up front. My mind was drifting from them talking, to the music playing, to Chris’ hand rubbing my thigh. Suddenly, I could feel vibrations on my core, emitting a very loud gasp from my mouth.
“Are you good?” Nick asks, eyeing me from the front seat.
I clear my throat and swallow nothing, “Uh, yeah. Sorry.”
I have no excuse to give him, unable to use my brain properly as the vibrations continue rushing through my bundle of nerves. I look at Chris, noticing the wide smirk on his lips as he watches me fidget in my seat. I take in a deep breath, pressing my feet into the floor of the van in an attempt to relieve myself of the pleasure. Luckily, the vibrator stops as Chris pushes my hair out of my ear.
“Any noise you make tonight is an extra spanking you’re getting when I bend you over later.” He mutters into my ear.
My pussy’s actually throbbing, desperate for stimulation, aching for him to be inside of me. I can’t help but squeeze my thighs together, trying to feel any sort of pressure. I want nothing more than for him to bend me over and rail me as we speak, and having to wait for it had me gritting my teeth.
Throughout the rest of the ride, Chris hadn’t turned on the vibrator, letting me drop my guard of course. Once we get out and head into the restaurant, Nick walks ahead of us to speak with the host. Within a minute, we are being directed to our table for the evening.
As soon as I take my seat, the vibrations start back up, causing me to abruptly jerk and let out a small whimper. Of course, Nick and Matt look at me in confusion while Chris tries his best to conceal his growing smile.
I clear my throat again, trying to ignore the sensation coursing through me. “Sorry, cramps.”
The two boys nod, understanding, before their eyes are directed to their menus. I look over at Chris with a glare on my face, which only prompts him to turn the settings higher. I drag my bottom lip into my mouth, biting down hard to prevent any sounds that are threatening to come from my mouth.
“That’s two, baby.” He states, only loud enough for me to hear.
“Two?!” I ask, eyes widening.
“Mhm.” He nods, his smile evident. “Just now, and in the car.”
“That’s so unfair.” I say, pointing out how he started this game after the first slip up.
“Them’s the rules, ma.” He chuckles, adjusting his grip on his phone.
I can’t help but watch closely, unsure of when he was going to stop the vibrator, or turn it up. I’m on the edge of my seat, metaphorically, but also literally. I can’t bring myself to get comfortable, knowing Chris would use it to his advantage.
As the waiter walks over, I can feel the vibrations growing stronger, causing me to tense. I don’t have to see my face to know that it’s deep red, I can actually feel how hot it is. Taking in a deep breath, my hands clutch my thighs, needing something, anything.
“Hello, my name is Noah, and I’ll be your waiter tonight. Can I start you off with some drinks?”
“Root beer, please.”
“I’ll have a Dr. Pepper.”
“Pepsi for me, thank you.”
Everyone looks at me, expectantly, but I can’t even speak. I’m scared my voice will betray me, showing that I was in a pleasurable struggle. I glance at Chris, my eyes begging him.
Instead of turning off the toy, he smiled at the waiter, “She’ll have a Dr. Pepper as well.”
“Okay, I will be back with those shortly and take your order then.”
As soon as he walked away, Matt and Nick turn to each other, then to Chris, then to me.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Matt asks.
Nick continues, “You seem really off.”
Before I can even attempt to spit a word out, the vibrations increased even more, causing my jaw to drop as I deeply inhale. Luckily, just as quick as it came, it all stopped.
“I’m good.” I say, my breath a little erratic.
I can see the two are not convinced, but I really don’t have it in me to make up a story that’ll lead them astray. Fortunately, they drop it and return to their menus once again. Chris’ hand comes in contact with my thigh, rubbing dangerously close to my core, I can feel the heat from his fingers.
“You’re so hot when you struggle to be quiet.” He whispers into my ear.
I ignore him, biting my lip as I attempt to regulate my breathing. We all quickly decide what we want to eat just as the waiter comes back with our drinks. After ordering our food, we dive into different conversations.
“We should get little canvases and paint together.” Nick suggests, smiling at the rest of us.
“That sounds so fun! I love painting.” I agree.
“We could get different types of cartoons or even blank canvases, both would be fun.” Matt adds.
Chris hasn’t said a word, so I look over and see him buried into his phone. As if feeling my gaze, his head lifts up with a devilish grin on his face. Immediately, I feel the buzzing between my legs, more intense than it’s been all night. My eyes shoot open as a lewd moan falls from my mouth, I quickly cover it with an exaggerated cough. Chris shakes his head, tsking me.
My mouth falls open again, silent moans coming from it. Chris continues to knead my thigh, adding to the pleasure that was coursing through me. I can feel the knot build in my stomach, close to unraveling. I lay my head down on the edge of the table and quickly grab Chris’ hand from my leg, using it to muffle the sounds that were sure to leave my mouth. As the pressure continued building, I clench myself around the vibrator, extremely close to letting go. I bring my mouth to his palm, biting at the skin in order to silence the inevitable moans pouring out of me as I can’t help but give into the orgasm, releasing all over as my legs tremble.
“Shame on you, cumming without daddy’s permission. You’re in big trouble when we get home, baby.” Chris says to me, his voice raspy.
“We need to go.” I plead, now extremely aware of the wet mess in my pants.
“Sorry boys, Y/N’s gonna be sick. I think I should bring her home. I’ll cashapp you for the dinner.” Chris announces, standing up and reaching for my hand.
“Feel better.” Nick and Matt say in unison.
With that, Chris is pulling me to the exit of the restaurant. As soon as we make it outside, he’s guiding me to a car that’s parked on the side of the road.
“I ordered an uber. I knew you weren’t gonna make it.” He informs me, sensing my confusion.
We get in the car, immediately starting our journey home. Throughout the whole ride, Chris gets handsy with me; rubbing and touching every part of me. He is just as eager as I am. As soon as the car comes to a stop outside our place, Chris is bidding the driver goodbye and dragging me inside.
We make our way downstairs to our bedroom, shutting and locking the door. Instantly, he has me pinned against it, his lips slamming onto mine in a feverish kiss. One of his hands wraps around my throat, the other diving straight into my pants. He grabs the vibrator, pulling it out and wrapping his mouth around it, sucking my juices off. I can’t help the whimper that leaves my mouth, nothing but turned on by the sight.
He sets the toy on the dresser next to us, his hands now going for my shirt, swiftly removing it with ease. His lips meet mine again, his tongue entering and exploring my mouth. His hands are groping every inch of me, feeling me up and down, causing moans to emit from me. As his mouth works down my neck, his hands go behind me and unbuckle the strap of my bra, letting it fall loosely on my arms before he pulls the entire thing off. His hands find their way to my breasts, squeezing them and tweaking my nipples.
We’re moving in such a fast and hurried pace, hungry for one another. Each of us could only ever be what the other needed in times like this, and right now, we were both insatiable. You would think we’ve been deprived of pleasure like this our whole lives, now finally having a taste and not being able to get enough of it. But that isn’t true. Our sex life has always been more than fulfilling, but there’s something about him that makes me go feral.
His hands unbuckle my jeans, letting me remove them as he takes off his shirt. I’m not left in nothing but my underwear, him in his still in his pants. He slides his finger in the waistband of my panties, tugging it and letting it snap back into place. He raises an eyebrow at me, nodding his head towards my bottoms, indicating he wants me to take them off, so I do.
“Go sit.” He states, intently watching me.
I do as he says, sitting pretty on the edge of the bed, watching his every move. He stands in front of me, his eyes blown out and full of lust as he looks down on me. Remaining eye contact, he slowly begins unbuckling his belt. In such a slow pace, he pulls it from his pants, folding it up and setting it aside. His fingers then grasp the button of his pants, undoing it, all whilst still looking me in my eyes. He lets his pants fall, leaving him in his very restricting boxers, as his dick stands tall, creating a tent in the clothing material.
He steps directly in front of me, his hard on now eye level with me, directly in front of my face. He puts a hand on the back of my head, bringing me closer to his erection. His opposite hand palms himself through his boxers, rubbing his cloth covered member over my lips. Just as I’m about to put my mouth on him, he pushes my head back.
“As much as I want to have your pretty little mouth around my cock, it’s gonna have to be another time.” He says, “You remember how many you’re getting?”
“Three.” I whisper, my breath hitching in anticipation as I stare up at him with doe eyes.
“Four. Doubled because you’re a bad girl and came before I said you could.” He smirks, licking his lips.
His hand wraps around my neck, trailing up to my jaw. He’s directly above me, staring down at me with his hungry eyes as his thumb trails over my bottom lip. He pulls it down, letting the pad of his finger keep it in place.
“Suck.” He states, leaving no room for questions.
I take his finger into my mouth, licking and sucking just as he wanted me too. He’s then pulling me up from the bed, his hand once again around my neck. His lips meet mine in a soft and tender kiss, opposite of how I know he’s going to be in mere seconds. Switching places with me, he’s now against the bed as I stand in front of him. He sits down and pats his lap, aware that we both know that I know the drill. I lay across his lap, my bare ass laid out perfectly, awaiting my punishment.
“You know what to do if you need me to stop?” He asks, his hands palming both cheeks.
“I-I remember.” I nod, my breathing slightly picking up.
“Count. If you fuck up, we start over.” He reminds me, his voice sickly sweet.
Just as I give him a hum of confirmation, his hand strikes down, a loud smack echoing the room, a stinging pain following in suit, as well as a yelp from me.
“One.” I moan out, his hand now rubbing the tingling area.
Another smack.
“Two.”
Another smack.
“Three.”
Another smack.”
“F-four.” I cry out, my skin undoubtedly red.
We repeat the process another four times, time seemingly moving in slow motion until we reach the last spank. My ass now tender and tears falling down my cheeks as he kneaded both cheeks, soothing the pain, eliciting moans from me and a pool of wetness between my thighs.
“Such a good girl for me.” He praises, flipping me around on his lap so I’m now straddling him. “You’re so beautiful, ma. I can’t wait to wreck you.”
With that, his lips are on mine, hungrily kissing me. We move in sync, our lips lapping one another perfectly. His hands continue massaging my ass, the stinging pain dissipating with every motion. A moan escapes my lips and he uses the opportunity to shove his tongue in my mouth, swapping saliva. One of his hands travels in between us, coming down to my heat. His cool fingers come in contact with my clit, rubbing it ever so slightly, causing me to whine into his mouth.
He pulls away from me, lifting me from his lap as he stands. “Bend over.”
I follow his order once again, my torso laid out the bed with my ass on show as my legs hang down to the floor. I hear him shuffling behind me, realizing he’s removing his boxers when I look back. He lifts one of my legs up, giving him better access to me. His fingers find my folds again, running through them, slicking them with my arousal. I moan at the feeling, pushing my ass closer into him for more.
“So wet and needy for daddy.” He smirks, grabbing his dick and placing it at my entrance.
He softly pushes the tip in, rubbing my clit as he does so. He takes it back out, before repeating the same action. Next, he’s slamming into me with no warning. A loud scream falls from my lips, molding into a moan as it dies down. He begins thrusting into me, his pace building quickly, pulling me closer to him so he could fuck me deeper.
He lets out a low groan, “I love the way your pussy welcomes me inside, because it knows we were made for each other.”
“Fuck, daddy, you feel so good.” I moan out, my face immediately scrunching in pleasure.
His takes my hair and puts it in a makeshift ponytail, wrapping it around his hand for leverage, tugging it with every thrust into me. My mouth is hung open, pornographic noises falling from it left and right, unable to contain my pleasure. His strokes increase in speed and strength, my entire body jerking at his new pace.
“Look at you, you’re taking me so well baby.” He moans out, his breathing heavy.
“Mhm.” I whimper in agreement, overwhelmed with pleasure.
“Gonna cum all over my cock, baby?” He asks, his pelvis digging into my ass with every pump.
“Yes, daddy. I’m so close.” I cry out, the familiar knot building in my stomach for the second time tonight.
His free hand reached below me, meeting my clit and rubbing fast, tight circles into it. I was a writhing mess beneath him, unable to form a single thought as he fucks me senseless. With the rough pounding and the stimulation on my clit, I’m in tears. It’s so much, but it feels so good. I can feel the drool falling from my mouth, quite literally being fucked dumb.
“I know you’re close, mama. Let go.” He says, sending me over the edge.
My legs shake and quiver, my fists clenching the sheet beneath me so hard that my knuckles turn white. My face contorts with pleasure as my vision goes white, metaphorical stars spinning around me as I do, in fact, let go. His thrusts continue, never faulting in the slightest. His hand never wavers, still rubbing my extremely sensitive bundle of nerves.
“T-too much.” I cry, not able to come down from my first orgasm.
“You can do it, mama.” He whispers from above me, placing wet kisses along my back.
Him repeatedly hitting my g spot, his fingers working my clit, and his mouth leaving goosebumps down my skin is enough to send me overboard once more. Tears streaming down my face as I cum for the third time, silent moans escaping my mouth as I bury my face into the bed. I can hear him moaning behind me, his hips sputtering as his thrusts fall uneven. Seconds later, his hot load is shooting into me as throaty groans emit from his mouth. He continues fucking his nut into me, his pace now slow and soft, before he pulls out altogether.
His hands meet my ass as he holds himself up for a moment, catching his breath. I lay there, spent, feeling his presence disappear for a minute, only for him to return mere seconds later. My legs are suddenly spread, a warm wash cloth wiping up the mess we made, causing me to slightly flinch before sighing in contentment. He cleans me and himself up, before putting me to bed properly, as all of my energy left my body with every orgasm. He crawls into bed with me, wrapping both of us in a blanket, and planting a soft kiss to my lips, my cheek, and my forehead.
“I love you, pretty girl. So good to me, mama.”
a/n : not proofread sorry. hope you enjoy! send in more reqs pls 🫶🏼
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tommykinard6 · 24 days
Text
Buddie fans, my loves, come have a seat for a moment.
I want to have a chat, from a long time Buddie lover to you, whether you’re new or have been here a long time.
It’s okay.
I’ve been in the trenches with you. I’ve been pulling for Buck and Eddie to get together for years. I haven’t given up, even as I’ve seen other fans leave because they lost hope. I don’t blame them. The Buddie section of the fandom has been powerful and beautiful and all consuming. We’ve gone seven seasons and up until this point, not one of the two men in question was even confirmed to be queer.
But we all need to take a moment and breathe. That’s it. Stop doom scrolling for a moment and breathe in.
Good. Now hold for a moment.
And breathe out.
I’m going to get real here, alright? And you might not like everything I say and that’s ok.
We need to stop being a problem. Stay with me. I’m not saying we need to stop shipping Eddie and Buck. Far from it. I will love that ship forever. I’m not saying we need to stop our fanfics or fanart or our love for these two. Our feelings are valid. Many of us have been in love with these two for a long time. The Buckley-Diaz family is a strong unit.
Our feelings are valid and we feel what we feel. But our reactions are utterly and entirely our own responsibility.
We need to stop the bullying.
Let’s face it, many Buddie fans have also been long time bullies in the fandom. Particularly in regard to the actresses who have played the female love interests in the past. Don’t get me wrong, aside from maybe Ali, I have disliked every love interest introduced. But have we not yet learned to separate actress from character? If we are going to dislike an actress, let’s do it for a valid reason. Marisol’s actress for example is problematic. But many fans have rained hell down upon any woman introduced.
I’ve noticed this issue for a long time. But now we’re dealing with the issue being even more widespread because of Buck/Tommy. Now fans are bullying each other. The fandom is divided, even in what is probably one of the better seasons we’ve gotten (in my opinion). I need you guys to stay with me here.
Buck is bi.
Let’s say that again. Evan Buckley is bisexual. A major character on a major show on a major network, previously a womanizer and still a very masculine figure, is queer.
This is monumental. This is amazing.
But so many of you are letting your feelings about Buddie get in the way of appreciating the progress we’ve made. Especially with the reintroduction of Tommy Kinard, Buck’s love interest.
Let’s clear up a couple of things, shall we? Tommy Kinard is not Sal DeLuca. He is not Captain Gerrard. While he was part of the old 118 and definitely was in the old boys club, not only is he not the major problem, but in most cases that he’s an asshole, it can be traced back to his own secret. It’s not great, sure. But let’s look at the facts. Chimney is friends and still keeps in touch with him. Hen appears to hold no animosity and was clearly comfortable with him. In Bobby Begins, they all are friends. And clearly, Tommy has undergone a massive self-growth period. You cannot try to back up your point with inaccurate facts.
People can change. People can also be forgiven. It’s the prerogative of those involved. Enough said.
“But TK6,” you may say, “Buck should be with Eddie! Tommy is a plot device!”
Let’s set aside instant gratification culture really quick and talk about storytelling. You cannot get everything you want when you want it. You also cannot have your cake and eat it too. Buck and Eddie, if both queer, were never going to come out at the same time. Do we really want that?! Because identity is messy. Self discovery is messy. Eddie has Catholic guilt. Buck has self esteem/worth issues. Life isn’t a fanfiction. The real possibility of their relationship surviving such a transition isn’t all that high. IF Eddie is canonically queer, he’s going to have a rougher path than Buck has had.
Also, everyone is a plot device. Let’s get real. If a character doesn’t move a plot along, what’s the point? YES, Tommy is there for a storyline. That doesn’t in anyway invalidate his existence or his presence in Buck’s life.
If you want an instant Buddie storyline, visit ao3! There are amazing stories on there.
Now let’s talk about Buck/Tommy, or TEvan.
I am a long time Buddie lover. I also proudly ship TEvan. Yes, those can coexist. I don’t often multiship, but it’s a beautiful thing. I want Buddie to be endgame, sure! But I’m also okay if TEvan lasts. If they end up being endgame, will I be disappointed about Buddie? Of course. I will also be thrilled because Buck and Tommy are a sweet couple and I’m here for it.
As a queer woman, I’m happy that Buck is bi. Multisexual representation is still sorely lacking. Male sexuality that lets a man keep his masculinity while being queer? Even more so. Just take a look at the ao3 tag. Buck is emasculated in many fics. That’s why I stopped reading a lot.
We have a ship here that includes two very masculine men, who are emotionally vulnerable and exploring something new. I understand ship disappointment. But the negativity is wild. We need to stop the bullying. We need to stop the cheating storylines. We need to stop making Tommy into an ab*s*r only because we apparently can’t handle a love interest being a good person.
At the end of the day, these are fictional characters. It’s a fictional show. But these are real people. All of us are sitting here behind our screens with real feelings. We need to stop.
Buddie may one day happen. And maybe they won’t. TEvan might be endgame. They might not be. Tis the way of 9-1-1. It’s exciting, isn’t it? Waiting for something new and exciting. It was starting to get a little stagnant.
As a queer person, I’m not trying to gatekeep anyone. However, we cannot sit here and say “stop queerbaiting us!!!!” (They weren’t, we’ve always had queer representation on 9-1-1) “give us more representation” and then when they give it to us say, “NO! Not that way!”
If it was about the representation, it being Eddie or Tommy would matter a lot less.
So if you are someone using representation to shield yourself, kindly just be honest with yourself and everyone else.
In the words of our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift, “You need to calm down”.
Now, back off into the world of scrolling you go, my lovelies. Remember, keep an open mind and breathe. At the end of the day, it’s a show. But I for one will happily wait for every episode because I’m loving this.
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greenunoreversecard · 3 months
Note
HEYYEYHEY CAN I REQUEST LLOYD (ninjago) HEADCANONS PLEASEEEE (ty :3)
A/N: Ofc!I'll do general character ones, as well as x reader ones :) hope ye likey likey:pp
Lloyd, The Greenest and Geekest mf.
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General character headcanons:
Half Japanese half Chinese
His hair is box blonde dye and you cannot change my mind.
Left handed
Severely dyslexic and hands off all scroll reading and just reading oriented tasks to kai.
Def gen z vibes. Like, the others give off more inbetween z and millenial, so they dont always get his humor. And sometimes he uses that to his advantage and "Speaks in code" (uses as much slang as possible)
Has LED lights in his room set to forest green.
Has given himself a smiley face tattoo.
Cried over a dead goose once.
OK, just to preface i see cole as a stoner of Sorts and uses the excuse "it gets me closer to my element"
With that in mind cole let lloyd try it and now sometimes when he is told to unwind, of feels like he needs to take a chill pill he and Cole spark up
in the beginning of his leader ship role, he used to Say;"kick ass and take names" and if things went wrong he had the fuck it we ball mindset, but got better with time. There are still times they wing it, though.
if he isnt in his gi he almost exclusively wears his pajamas (aka a Hoodie, tshirt and sweats)
Vv tired, and now has a raging addiction to energy drinks due to his lack of Sleep.
He used to eat worms as a kid bc he Thought he it was evil.
Has a eyebrow piercing, and wants a tongue piercing.
Wears "reading" glasses, that he should technically wear all the time because he can't see up close and has a astigmatism,, but he says yolo. Zane then make him contacts after he almost ran into a moving blade and got his head severed.
Adhd and OCD, as well as the normal line up (anxiety, depression, cptsd)
Lloyd in a relationship:
Hes very distant in the beginning, it'll take time to warm up to you.
He tends to be orage cat vibes.
On the cat trend, he gets close for a bit Before becoming distant. Going through waves of affection, kinda.
He hasn't had like, any good relationships in his life so he tries to "protect" himself when he feels he gets to close to you, and so he pulls away.
He does the fuckboy face when your sad bc it makes you laugh, as well as That weird dice roll
He actually does the face/dice roll combo whenever he Sees you as he walks over, it's an inside joke now
primary giving love language: acts of service and quality time
Primary receiving love language: gifts and words of affirmation. But physical touch is also high up there.
Also, not expensive gifts. He hates those. Give him a stick you saw on a walk that made you think of him. He'll cherish it forever. And maybe cry.
He will cry.
will make noises at you and expects a noise in response or he'll be sad.
Also randomly bites you. He's a nommer
also sends you memes throughout the day.
As well as random pictures with the caption;"BABY LOK THIS IS S. US IF WE WHERE *insert whatever item here*
Called you babe, baby, love, shitface, asshole.
Expect kind and loving gentle bullying.
Doesnt know how to express his emotions to just expect him to come up to you, lightly shake your shoulders and aggressively say;"I love you bitch.i ain't Evea gon stop lovin you. Bitchhhhhhh" (vine reference)
Sends you .5 of everyone, himself included. He's addicted to Taking them. You will not get out of it.
Also sometimes just walks around in nyas stilettos for fun.
You two have fashion shows.
You also take over the Living room sometimes and build giant ass forts to watch shitty reality tv in and make fun oF The people
Overall, once he realizes you won't leave he's the most funniest loving chaotic guy.
But expect it to take a hot minute for him to realsie this
give him time,, but also have some deep talks..
Let him vent
and for the love of God don't hurt the baby's heart.
Expect inside jokes
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undercovercameron · 1 year
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a domesticated rafe cameron
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summary: a bf headcanon for sir rafe m.f. cameron
notes: *NSFW NEAR THE END* i have been seeing so many headcanons for rafe as a bf recently and i used to do these all the time for other fandoms and people and holy fuck i miss and love them.. allow me to indulge myself. also a lot of these are not simply him being touchy or super cute positive ones bc he’s canonically a murderer and drug addict and felon sooo akdjdjd we all of course romanticize him but i just thought i’d say that. lemme know what you think !
tags: rafe cameron x reader
i think rafe is a very complicated kind of lover
he’s a complex ass dude as it is, so that obviously reflects in your relationships
your relationship probably started unconventionally, either because of a fuck up or drunken mistake or maybe even meeting him randomly on a golf course or on the beach and just immediately being drawn to each other
he wants someone that challenges him a Little bit but really just wants someone to go with the flow and let him take the lead
he already gets enough direction and bossy shit from his family
(probably a couple arguments have sparked because of that; he sees too much of rose or ward in you. it’s also something that draws him to you, though, so take it with a grain of salt)
on the topic of arguments, you two are no stranger to them
he always ends up apologizing though, even if you started it—he’d just much rather have your mouth on his than have it yelling at him and knows there’s always a way to get you back on his side
he’s a proud man, so his apologies are usually in the form of him complimenting you or giving entirely hypothetical situations in which he Possibly Might Be Sorry
you take it because it’s probably the best you’re gonna get
he shows his love and affection in a little different ways that other people you’ve dated
of course he’s no stranger to PDA
in fact it only puffs his chest that you want to be seen with him and touch him
he’ll never admit it, but he loves when you kiss his face
like duh,
but not just his lips, he really likes when you kiss him on the temple or just press your face to his cheek or peck at his jaw
he also likes when you hold onto his belt when getting his attention or trying to move him
a lot of your dates involve watching a movie or TV show, because truth be told he is a home body
maybe not his home, but def a home body
your house is a reminder that he is apart of your life; he sees the pictures, the movie tickets, his favorite chips (salt and vinegar, ew i know), or spares of toothbrushes and his clothes in your closet
in any social situation he is either looking at you, thinking of looking at you, touching you, or asking people where you are
he cannot stand to make small talk without his emotional support girlfriend at his side
you’re just so much funnier than all these other people
he prides himself on his ability to make you blush, and does it any chance he gets
he doesn’t really get to laugh a lot, as he is either in distress or about to get punched or reprimanded, so you’re always whispering some joke into his ear to get him to laugh. your success rate is much better than anyone else’s in his life
he knew he loved you when you grabbed his hand during a dinner you were at and some politician walked in with a very apparent and badly concealed nose job. you just mouth “oh my god” and he had to snort to cover up his laugh
you were also all dolled up and cute and sexy that night so that may have had something to do with him knowing he loved you
he is also a great communicator
it’s not in his nature to hide his feelings because they’re so fucking obvious on that expressive face of his
and he never knew he could have so much fun texting until you came along
now he’s a regular emoticon user
weird, right?
now onto spicy things,
you’ve never known a partner to ask you how you feel more than Rafe
it’s a praise thing, you think
he wants to hear that he feels good, that right there, that he fucks you so good, that he’s perfect for you
the nonverbal sign that all those are true is when you throw your head back and a gasp is caught in your throat
the very idea that your breath is stolen every time he does something good makes his heart skip a beat
his cheeks get very red while you’re having sex, so your cool fingers are usually petting them or pressed near them
you have a thing for his legs
i mean come on
he just walks around like that all day
he walks around with a dick like that in his pants all day, and you’re supposed to just ignore it?!
absolutely not
you especially like when he wears those hoochie daddy 5 inch inseam swim trunks, because you get to see where his skin gets a little paler and softer and it makes you get goosebumps at the thought of where it leads
those trunks are a treat usually, saved for a special occasion where he doesn’t have to be around his family and he can have you in his lap, hand trapped between your legs
let’s just say you two fuck like rabbits
two beautiful young adults, what else occupies your time?
it gets a little annoying for other people when you’re apart of their dinner party, because you’re always late, but then learn to just deal with it
it’s better to not have a sexually frustrated rafe cameron that accidentally stabs through his plate of rice and vegetables like that one time at the island club with your parents when you licked up a drop of lemon sauce from your chin and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head
decidedly not a great time or place to act like that
anyways,
i just think while yours’ and rafe’s relationship def has its ups and downs like all other relationships, your recovery period after an argument is remarkably high
you both know you’re not mad anymore, so it’s not worth it to be bad communicators and make it worse
at the end of the day, there’s always space for you in his bed, and he always welcomes you with a slap on the ass and a whisper of “we’re totally fucking in the shower tomorrow”
(and yes. you do)
notes: i hope this doesn’t seem to scatterbrained, i may or may not end up adjusting or editing this later to be closer to what i think would be him
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mykoreanlove · 12 days
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i need skz angst like rn??😭
hyunjin x female reader, and they maybe decide to go out to like a club or something, and some guy hits on the reader and hyunjin is like “you were flirting back!” and the reader is just very confused bc they tried to let the guy know as kindly as possible that they are taken, but hyunjin is still really mad and it results in them fighting
and then maybe hyunjin decides to go home but not like a shared apartment thing like he goes somewhere reader doesn’t know about
and then a day passes and he’s like “oh no i fucked up” and comes to readers apartment to apologize
happy ending? tysmmm🎀
I was like sure, let's writing something short and quick but somehow it turned into 6 pages lol. hope u enjoy it :)
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The pros of being an insanely hot couple? A lot of sex and affection, a lot of people wanting to be like you and a lot of praise and admiration.
The cons of being an insanely hot couple? A lot of people trying to take your place, a lot of jealous envy and a lot of insecurity.
“Baby, you look incredible”, Hyunjin whispered into your ear as he hugged you from behind. You were standing in front of the mirror, admiring your look for the night. “I wanted to look good for you”, you shyly admitted as you leaned into him. “There is absolutely nothing you have to do to accomplish this, y/n. Nothing, you hear me?”
Ever since you met Hyunjin a couple of weeks ago your whole world turned around. You were used to dating a lot and having fun, but this was different. He was different. Both of you fell for the other rather quickly, a romance that revealed a hidden side within you.
“I want to kiss you so badly”, you whined.
“Why don’t you?”
Instantaneously, you pointed to your lips covered in deep ruby red.
“Ah”, he nodded understandingly. “Is it okay then if I do this?”, Hyunjin asked before kissing every inch of your collarbone, slightly sucking to mark his territory.
Hyunjin was a confident guy, knowing damn well that he was good looking and talented and still he felt conflicted at times. What if this was not enough? What if he was not enough for you? Since you were in your early dating stages, he never had vocalized his concerns, but his body did. His need to be near you, touch you and possess you was evident from the start.
“Jinnie, stop”, you giggled as you pushed him away.
Irritation grew on his face, not understanding why you were distancing yourself.
“I’m gonna be covered in marks that everyone is going to see”, you teased.
He felt his chest tighten. Did you not want others to see them? Did you want to be perceived as single? His own sparks of insecurity got ignited again, waiting to turn into a full-size fire.
The club was crowded with people of all kinds – dancers, jocks, hot models, a real feast for the eye. You were used to people turning their heads, especially when you were together with Hyunjin. It never bothered you that much since you knew how devoted he was to you.
“Can I tell you something?” You were laying on his chest, watching him breathe calmly. “Sure.” “I found your old DVDs in the basement, and I started watching them while you were at work. Binging them, really. And I saw something that really stuck with me”, he explained silently. “What was it?” “Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours”, he explained softly. You turned your head and gazed into his teary eyes. “We haven’t been together that long, I know. But this is exactly how I feel, y/n. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. Cannot. Do not want to. Impossible.” You started tearing up as well, finally feeling at home with another soul. You placed a soft kiss on his plush lips and whispered: “I’ll be your Carry, baby.”
“Come dance with me”, you shouted as you pulled him to the dance floor. It was hot and sticky, but you didn’t mind, in fact you loved it like that. The music was energetic and vibrant, filling the whole room with energy and life force. You only had eyes for Hyunjin, watching his body move gracefully to the music. When he danced, he became one with the tunes, one with the movements. He smirked as he caught you staring, knowing damn well that you were weak for his dancing. As the song changed into a slower, sexier one you found yourself in front of him, grinding on his muscular body. All the other people were forgotten as you swayed your hips on him, feeling him getting hard behind you. His hands on your body and his hot breath on your neck was all you needed to know.
Hyunjin however was more prone to your surroundings. He enjoyed having you like that, but he hated sharing you with others. He was too aware of the other pair of eyes that was set on you. Like a reflex, he pulled you closer, grabbed a bit harder and provoked your surrender, demonstrating whom you belonged to.
“Fuck, baby, if you keep this up, we have to go”, you moaned into his ear.
“Let’s do that”, his whole face lit up. “Let’s get out of here, y/nnie.”
“But we just came?”, you whined in annoyance.
Hyunjin’s eyes darkened as his gaze pierced through you. Just like that, goosebumps formed on your skin, electricity cursed through your body making you feel all hot. He knew exactly what he was doing to you.
“I’m going to the bathroom really quick to fix this situation right here”, he said as he nodded to his crotch, “and when I come back, we leave, you hear me?”
You swallowed and nodded, already anticipating the night ahead.
“Good girl.”
He placed a kiss on your forehead and turned around, quickly looking for the bathroom.
You walked over to the exit and leaned against the cold wall, waiting for your boyfriend, already picturing him doing unspeakable things to you. You were so engulfed in your naughty daydreams that you didn’t even notice the guy from the dancefloor approaching you.
“Hey!”
“Oh, hi”, you replied politely.
“I saw you dancing earlier, damn you got moves!”, he complimented you.
“Thanks”, you replied drily.
“So uhm, would you like to have a drink with me?”
“No”, you shook your head.
“Why not?”
“Well, if you saw me dancing earlier you must have seen my boyfriend behind me, right? That’s why.”
“Shit, sorry. I kinda hoped that he was just another guy hitting on you.”
“Far from that.”
“He’s that great, huh?”
“Y/N”, Hyunjin called out angrily while glaring at the other guy.
You were taken aback by his tone, feeling anxious so you followed him without saying a word.
Fumingly, he marched to the car, while you were trying to keep up. Hyunjin placed both of his hands on the cold metal of the vehicle as he was trying to calm himself.
“Jinnie”, you called out softly.
“Don’t fucking call me that, y/n.”
“What?”
He turned around and faced you, his pupils were dilated, and his nostrils flared – he was angry as fuck.
“Don’t fucking call me that when you were flirting with some dickhead behind my back!”
“Are you serious right now?”
“Of course, I am. That bastard was eye-fucking you while we were dancing, and I left you alone for 5 minutes and you were already cozying up to him?”
“Cozying up to him? Cozying up to him? Are you out of your fucking mind?”
“What? I know what I saw!”
“Enlighten me, then. What did you see?”
“I saw you all smiley and giggly, you were practically shooting heart eyes emojis at him! Is that why you hated me giving you hickeys on your collarbone? So, everybody could see you were available?!”
You felt the punch to your stomach, making it harder to breathe. Every single word of his was laced in the most painful accusation, one that you had been familiar with way too often.
“Yeah, you’re right. I was flirting back and shooting heart eyes emojis at him. It was so much fun! And I was damn grateful that my body was free of your damn hickeys!”, you retorted angrily.
Hyunjin was about to explode, not being able to differentiate between your lies and his perceived reality.
Wordless, he turned around and got into the car. You looked at him one last time, hoping that he would come to his senses – but he didn’t. The loud sound of his engine disturbed the quiet of the night and not seconds later he was gone.
What should have been a fun night out for a young couple turned into a vicious disaster. One was crying hiding in the dirty toilet of a club, while the other was crying racing down the highway. Promises of forever love turned into accusations of unfaithfulness, painting your rosy world of adoration into black loneliness.
You had no idea how you made it back home, nor did you care. The following day was torture – you were ruminating over everything, trying to understand what had happened yesterday. Deep sadness filled your whole being. Hyunjin did not call, nor text. He vanished out of your life, just like he vanished into the night air yesterday. Was that it? Was it over?
“Damn, you look like shit. Why are your eyes so puffy?”
Hyunjin pulled the covers over his head, trying to dissolve into thin air.
“Hey, come on. Talk to me”, his friend encouraged him.
“I may have made the biggest mistake of my life yesterday.”
“Oh my god, did you cheat on y/n?”
“What? No. Of course not. I would never do that”, he explained.
“What did you do then?”
“I accused her of cheating on me.”
“Shit, sorry.”
“Don’t be. This was the last time I let my demons take over”, he mumbled as he left his room.
By evening, you felt better – at least good enough to go for a walk and clear your head. Minutes after you left Hyunjin appeared at your door – holding a giant bouquet of flowers in his trembling hands. He rang your door hundreds of times, knocked on it until his knuckles were swollen and called out for you until his throat was sore. But nothing.
Defeated, he slid down to the ground and thought of what to do.
“Y/N, I made a big mistake yesterday. I am so sorry. I should have never accused you of shit like that.”
He was wiping away his tears again, the thought of loosing you made his heart break every single time.
“You see I’m not perfect. Far from it. Yet somehow you seem to think that way. And I just… I just wait for the shoe to drop. For you to finally realize that I’m nothing special.”
“Jinnie”, you called out his name while stopping in front of your apartment. His eyes widened in surprise, immediately followed by relief. “You didn’t open up because you hated me but because you weren’t home…”
“Don’t flatter yourself, hate is on the top of the list right now”, you glared angrily.
He lowered his head in defeat.
“Are those for me?”, you nodded to the bouquet of flowers.
“Yes.”
You opened the door and passed by him. “Put them in a vase, then.”
Surprised, he got up on his feet and followed you inside.
“Can we talk?”
You sat across from him, giving him the cold shoulder.
“Talk.”
“Y/N, I am sorry. Please believe me, I am so sorry. I was seeing things, I let my insecurities win and I accused you of shit you didn’t do. Please, forgive me.”
“What did you think happened there?”
“I saw you guys talking and then I saw red. Like, you were smiling from ear to ear, practically shooting heart eyes emojis at him. I just, I just saw red.”
You sighed deeply, finally understanding where he was coming from.
“You’re right. I was shooting heart eyes emojis at him.”
“What?” Hyunjin’s heart was about to explode.
“But only because I was talking about you, Jinnie. He asked me out for a drink, and I explained to him that I already found the greatest guy on earth. I was gushing over you, like a freaking fan girl.”
“He’s that great, huh?” “Oh my god, yes. He is the greatest. No really, he is great at everything. Dancing, painting, loving? The best. He is also the kindest and loveliest guy I ever met. Always caring for the ones he loves. Never a dull moment with him. He makes me laugh so much. I swear I got abs because of him. And did you see how handsome he is? Fuck me, it’s like God created him himself and brought him to earth, so we could adore him. Fucking masterpiece, that man.” “Okay, okay, I got it”, the guy gave up. “Must be one hell of a lover.” “One hell of a lover. One hell of a soul. My soul, actually.”
“I feel like the biggest idiot right now”, he admitted ashamed.
“Yeah, you should feel like that.”
“I’m sorry, y/nnie. Can you forgive me?”
Silence lingered between the two of you, only for a moment, until you got up and walked over to him. You put your arms around his lean torso and hugged him tightly, willing to put this past you.
Hyunjin’s body finally relaxed, as he hugged you back. His lips landed on the crown of your head, simply resting there, and holding you close.
“Jinnie, wait. There is something else you need to know.”
He released you from his grip and looked at you anxiously.
“What is it?”
“When I was younger, I got bullied for hickeys. My first boyfriend always left them on my neck and the others harassed me for it, calling me slut and all sorts of names. So, it’s true, I don’t like them being visible.”
Hyunjin’s heart broke once more – for one because you had to endure this harassment, but also because he bullied you himself.
“I’m sorry, y/nnie. I won’t do that ever again.”
“Wait, no. I love your hickeys. I love your lips on me, I really do. But can we, maybe, agree to leave hickeys in places only we can see?”, you asked shily.
Hyunjin chuckled and pulled you in for a kiss, promising to do just that.
“I really meant what I said. I can’t imagine my life without you. I really can’t.”
You grabbed his hands and squeezed them, agreeing you felt the same way.          “I feel like we should talk about your insecurities, but I’m drained from last night.”
“Let’s relax for now, baby.”
“What do you want to do?”
Hyunjin’s lips turned upwards, forming the loveliest yet sneakiest smile.
“Okay, fine. I get the popcorn and you switch on the TV. Sex and the city marathon it is”, you rolled your eyes at him teasingly.
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animeomegas · 11 months
Text
More Baxter thoughts~
Imagine post Step 4, MC telling Baxter that he was their first kiss. They sort of laugh and explain that for some people 18 would be considered a late bloomer, but that was the right time for them. They joke that Baxter was just too irresistible.
MC is trying to keep the mood light, just joking about it, but that doesn't really go to plan.
Because Baxter is shocked for three seconds, pleased and flustered for one second, and then deeply guilty from then on.
He feels guilty for not knowing, for taking MC's first kiss even if they kissed him first, and he feels even worse for ghosting them now, which he didn't think was possible.
He tries to just smile and say he's honoured, but he cannot sleep that night because he feels so guilty. He wants to punch 19 year old him in the face (don't we all).
I think MC'd have to firmly pull him from the guilt and kiss him until he truly understands that they'd forgiven him for the shenanigans he pulled 5 years ago, and that they definitely don't regret him being the first person they kissed.
Actually that would be a good strategy to pull his head out of the guilt cloud: MC should ask him if he regrets being the first person they kissed and then watch this man backtrack at the speed of light and vehemently deny it lol.
...
But also, imagine MC face timing Baxter for the first time after they had to go home.
They'd both do it late at night, I think, maybe they'd both be in bed, and when the call connects, they both just stare at each other for several moments.
Until MC pushes out an 'I miss you' and Baxter melts and says it back.
MC was sort of expecting to be teased about missing him when it's only been a day since they left, but Baxter isn't about to deny that he's already wishing they were with him again.
Just imagine them softly talking about their days to each other, tucked up in their respective beds, wishing the other one was close enough to touch and hold.
Imagine them having to end every face time with a reminder about when they were going to see each other next, just to soften the bitter blow of the end of the call.
Imagine MC taking a screenshot when Baxter looks cute, his hair mussed from his pillow.
Imagine Baxter taking a screenshot when MC starts nodding off, head propped up by one dangerously swaying hand.
Imagine neither of them wanting to bring up staying on the call as they sleep, but both thinking about it every time.
Just... soft Baxter and MC, because they'd be the cutest sappiest couples, especially when they're alone.
...
This third one and final one is not as cute, but imagine an artist MC who is just enamoured by the mole on the upper back of Baxter's thigh.
They really want to not be creepy, but also... they really want to sketch it.
And so they sketch it, but it doesn't capture the beauty properly, so they add colour and edit and keep going until they have a near photo realistic image of the back of Baxter's thigh XD
Baxter finds the drawing one day and basically blue screens for a good 40 seconds before he attempts to compliment their art work and tease them about the subject material at the same time, the words coming out as a jumbled, flustered mess.
That is all XD Thank you for letting me scream my Baxter ideas into the void haha.
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nolita-fairytale · 1 year
Text
comfort & chaos | carmy berzatto x fem!reader | chapter four: 2/22/22
summary: carmy receives bad news that changes his life forever, while you're relationship with him comes to a head. (the five times carmen berzatto fell in love with you a little and the one time he finally told you)
warnings: explicit sexual content (18+ only), death, grief, mentions of suicide, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns, drinking & smoking, suggestive language
word count: 5.5k
listen to: hurting kind - del water gap | robbers - the 1975 | hostages - the howl & the hum
a/n: i need therapy after writing this. so sorry bbs love you all. ok but fr, i thought that i was going to write a smut scene that was not going to be hot bc we know it's canon that carmy does not fuck and then it ended up being really hot and i'm once again asking for therapy.
read: chapter three
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2/22/22
Something happened. Can you come over?
That’s all the text said. It’s all that needed to be said for you to drop everything you were doing and hop on the subway. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you imagine every single worst case scenario possible. Carmy had given you little context in regards to what this was about, and you almost regret not asking as your mind runs rampant with possibilities. Not that he would’ve given you an answer. Something about him seemed different. He’d never sent that urgent of a text. 
Not even when the restaurant was slammed and he needed you to come in on your day off. 
Something happened. 
The words continue to echo in your head until you reach him. 
You're at Carmy’s doorstep faster than you ever thought your feet could carry you, and when he opens the door for you, your heart breaks. He’s wrecked. His face is a flushed red, though you don’t think it’s from crying, and he looks like he hasn’t washed his fuckin’ hair in days. You take in his somber expression, like all of the joy he’s ever experienced has been sucked out of him. 
Carmy steps aside, allowing him into your apartment. 
He mumbles something you can barely hear, gesturing towards the couch, so you follow him, taking a seat on the crappy couch you’ve come to love. He stares at the floor, his eyes cold and empty, as you sit in silence. 
It’s you who breaks it, bursting at the seams with anxiety.
“Carmy, you’re scaring me,” you say softly. 
He keeps his eyes fixed on the floor as he licks his lips, swallowing as he opens his mouth to say something. It’s a few moments later that he’s finally able to put two words together to tell you what happened. 
“It’s Michael,” is all he manages to get out. You can hear the break in his voice when he utters Michael’s name, and you’re terrified of what he’s going to say next. 
“Your brother?” you ask, secretly hoping he won’t say yes. 
You feel your stomach drop. 
Carmy nods slowly, “Yeah.” 
He takes a few beats before saying anything else, his head swimming. On one hand it doesn’t feel real, and if he doesn’t say it out loud, maybe it won’t be. There’s a part of him that still thinks this is some cruel, sick joke that Mikey cooked up, just to fuck with him. 
But he knows it’s real. He could hear it in the way that Sugar’s voice broke on the phone. He could hear it in the way that Richie practically screamed at him to stop being such a fuckin’ cuck and come home. He knows it’s real, because for the first time in years, his mom’s called him. 
Must be Sugar or something calling from her phone for her…. ‘S gotta be, he thinks to himself. 
“He’s-,” Carmy starts, before stopping again. Carmy looks away, in the opposite direction of you, focusing his eyes on something outside of the window. 
He can’t look at you because if he looks at you, he might lose it. 
“He’s dead.”
“Oh Carmy,” you gasp, your heart wrenching in your chest as the words leave his mouth. You reach out to touch him, but he flinches, pulling away from you. 
“No,” is all he says through gritted teeth. 
You cannot touch me. You cannot make me feel better about this because I’ll have to feel worse about this, is what he wants to say. 
“The fuckin’ asshole shot himself on the State Street bridge. I don’t-, you don’t get to make me feel better about this,” he snaps, his tone almost a warning. 
“Fuck,” you sigh, sitting up straight and leaning towards him. He may not want your comforts, so you’re going to give your presence. He had asked you to come over after all, right? “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he says, coldly. 
His response is jarring, leaving an unsavory taste in your mouth. You understand that he’s just gotten the most unimaginable news, but it doesn’t sit right with that he’s taking it out on you either. Is that why he invited you over? To be his punching bag? Instead, you decide to pivot to crisis control-mode, hoping to remedy some of the animosity he’s harboring. 
“Okay, well, I’ll call Kate and let her know that you can’t come in tonight, if that helps. Just so you don’t have to-,” you suggest. 
“Why would you fucking do that?” he yells, snapping his head towards you as he finally turns towards you. You can see it in his eyes: how angry and devastated he is – at Michael, at what happened – and even though you know it’s not personal, it stings all the same.
“Because!” you shout back. “Carmy, you just found out-... something terrible. I just don’t think you should-.”
“Yeah, well you don’t get to tell me what to do. You’re not my mom and you’re not my girlfriend so,” he’s quick to retort, rebelliously. 
You scoff at him, shaking your head in utter disbelief.
“You’ve got some fucking nerve, Carmen,” you cut him off with a yell. You know he’s hurting, but this is where you draw the line. “I’m well aware that I am not your girlfriend, but I am your friend, and I care about you.”
You’re right. 
He knows you’re right. 
He knows he’s being a dick, but it’s like he can’t stop his own rage from spilling out sideways as yells:
“Well, if you don’t want to be here, then get out!”
“Stop it!” you cut him off, venom in your voice. 
Carmy looks at you, his bloodshot eyes wide with utter despair. 
“You called me, Carmy. So shut the fuck up and let me fucking help,” you lower your voice, bringing the confrontation between the two of you back down. 
With his eyes fixed to the floor, his mind zoning out to numb the pain, he manages to get out, “I don’t want to-. I need to go to work tonight.”
“I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” you plead softly, yet firmly. 
“Yeah, well, you don’t get to make that decision,” he dismisses. 
He’s right. You don’t. 
“Yeah, okay,” you sigh, giving in. 
It’s a horrible idea – for Carmy to go into the restaurant – but you know he’s going to do it anyway. 
“What can I do for you in the meantime?”
“I just-, I don’t think I can be alone right now,” he mumbles, averting his eyes once again. “Can you just like… sit here with me? Till we gotta go?”
“Yeah.”
The afternoon passes slowly, and you feel like the both of you have been lit on fire – only a matter of time before you burn his whole place down. As you’re getting ready to leave, Carmy sprints into the bathroom, emptying what little contents he has in his stomach into the toilet. You’d been aware that he’d been having some trouble – throwing up before work – but he’d refused to see a doctor. Another decision he’d made clear wasn’t yours to make. What you weren’t aware of was that it had gotten this bad.
Like you’d imagined, going into the restaurant had been a mistake. It hadn’t taken long for Carmy to blow up at a line cook, mid-shift, over an undercooked duck breast. Sure, it was a big mistake, but Carmy had sent the line cook home after making a very public example of them. After the event, Tim had urged Carmy to take a break, offering to expedite for a few, while you rushed him into the walk-in. 
“Hey! You can’t do this shit. Not here. These people look up to you!” you chastise him. 
“He’s a fucking idiot! How do you undercook a fucking-,” Carmy yells, his face twisted into a look of disgust.  
“Carmy!” you shout, stopping him mid-sentence. 
You both know this is not about the duck breast. 
You share a moment of silence together, the cold of the walk-in leaving goosebumps on your skin. You lower your voice, a quiet and intentional demand leave your lips as you instruct:
“Listen, I’m going to give you five minutes to fuckin’ lose it in here, and then you’ve gotta pull it together and finish dinner service, okay?” 
He nods in response, his lips pressed together in a thin, tight line. You watch him pace a few times, before he clutches at his chest, his breathing becoming more uneven. 
This is why coming in had been the worst idea ever. 
“Carmy, are you o-?" you start, genuinely worried about him. You feel like your head is spinning. Carmy is losing control and all you can do is watch. 
He holds out a hand, as if to stop you from coming any closer, so reluctantly, you leave him to it, closing the door behind you. The sound of empty storage containers being thrown across the walk-in fills your ears, as you close the door to the walk-in behind you. You feel like your heart is caught in your throat and watching him go through this is more painful than you could’ve ever imagined. You take a deep breath before returning to your station, keeping your head down for the rest of the shift. 
Dinner service is pure chaos as Carmy undulates from unbroken focus to volatile and unpredictable throughout making the evening hell for the rest of you. The tension is thick, and it’s as if everyone is walking on eggshells around him, more so than normal. By the time it’s over, you insist on walking Carmy home. You make a stop at your favorite deli near his apartment to pick up a quart container of matzo ball soup on the way.
“You gotta eat something,” you encourage, the silence in his apartment deafening.
You’re met with silence as he stares blankly at the table in front of him, his spoon dipped into the soup. Instead, you sit with him, watching him take a few sips of the broth, while the actual food in the soup goes untouched. He doesn’t have the stomach for it. 
He doesn’t know if he has the stomach for this either. 
All of this. Any of this. 
You eventually give in, packing up the soup to put in the fridge for another day, even though you know he’ll probably just toss it when you leave. Just when you think it’s time for you to go, he stops you with the most tender touch to your arm, as he asks:
“Stay?” 
His eyes are watery, and although he’s going to let himself cry yet, he looks more vulnerable than he’s looked all day. How could you say no?
“Yeah,” you agree. 
You change into one of your favorite t-shirts of his and the pair of sweatpants that he always seems to give you as you get ready for bed. He doesn’t even wear them anymore, as if he knows they’ve become your favorite… as if they’ve just become yours. You spend the evening with the TV on, not talking, just sitting in each others’ company. You watch as he smokes a cigarette inside, stress-running a hand through his slicked back hair from his shift earlier. 
Tonight feels heavy. 
Tonight is heavy. 
Before bed, you fill up a glass of water for him, before placing it on his bedside table. Carmy lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling, as you crawl into bed with him. 
He’s too afraid to his close his eye, because if he closes his eyes he’ll picture it: the State Street bridge, Michael…. 
How could he? he thinks to himself, the bitter taste of betrayal welling up at the bottom of his throat. 
You close your eyes, trying your best to fall asleep next to Carmy – something that feels like an impossible task when you can practically hear him thinking out loud beside you. Instead, the two of you just lay there, frozen in silence. You’re not sure how long you’ve been doing it for when you feel Carmy shift closer to you. 
He turns to you so tenderly, practically folding himself into your body, earning the smallest gasp of surprise from you. You’ve never seen him like this as he buries his face into your chest, his body shaking against yours. It’s then that you realize he’s crying, and you know it’s highly likely that this is the first time he’s cried since he heard the news. 
“Carm?” you whisper, unsure if he wants you to acknowledge it or not. 
“Carmy.” 
But he doesn’t respond. He just cries. 
So you let him. 
“I’m so sorry, Carm. I’m so sorry,” you whisper, over and over again. 
You stroke his hair, wanting nothing more than to ease the pain of your best friend, but you know there isn’t much you can do. Instead, you let him cry, running your fingers along his scalp and through his delicate curls, desperate to give him any kind of comfort you can. This is breaking your heart. You fight the tears coming to your eyes because this is so not about you right now. 
Carmy’s body shakes against yours as he finally lets go, surrendering to the huge waves of pain and grief that crash and pull him under. He feels like he’s being taken under a riptide, never to see the surface again. He knows he’s been wildly unfair to you and as he weeps against your body and he’s not sure what he’s done to deserve someone like you. 
Someone who chooses to say, even when he’s being a dick. 
Someone who cares enough to fight with him. 
Someone who cares for him like this. 
When he finally looks up at you with bloodshot eyes and swollen lips, all he can think to do is to kiss you. 
It catches you off guard as he surges forward, pressing his lips against yours, that for a moment, you let him. 
But reality hits and you’re afraid he’s gotten too carried away, swept up in a moment of grief. 
“Carmy, stop it. You’re not-, you’re not okay right now,” you murmur, pushing him away.
He leans his head against your chest again with a sigh, letting out another sob, almost as if he’s given up on the idea. You feel like he’s put you in an impossible position. You’d have been lying if you said you didn’t want to – hadn’t thought about kissing him before – but this felt wrong. He was vulnerable, and you know you’ll both regret it in the morning. 
“I’m sorry, Carm,” you apologize quietly. “I just feel like-, well I’d feel like I'd be taking advantage. I don’t think we should.”
His silence only makes you more nervous, beginning to over explain yourself.
“It’s not that I don’t want to. I-, I do. I just… I don’t want you to regret it because… because you’re upset right now and cause you more-.”
“Please,” is all he says, cutting you off mid-sentence. With the way he’s looking at you, like you’re the sun, the moon, and you hang the stars, you’re not sure how to say no. 
Carmy leans in to kiss you once more before whispering mere inches away from your lips:
“Please.”
He presses his lips against yours again, immediately regretting his past self for not doing this sooner. He’s never tasted anything sweeter than you, and the way you kiss him back seems to bring all thoughts flooding his brain to a halt.
In between kisses you manage enough self control to stammer out, “Are you- are you sure? Is this really what you-?”
“Yes,” he replies, as if it’s a declaration.
“I’ve wanted this for so long. Just-, please,” he pleads, murmuring your name into the soft kisses he begins to leave across your collarbone. “Just wanna feel good.”
“Just wanna feel good,” he repeats. 
You surrender, letting go of your own ambivalence as you focus on the way his lips feel against your skin. It’s then that you realize what absolute fucking idiots the two of you had been for the past few years by ignoring this thing between the two of you. For a moment, you’ll tear down the walls, the rigid boundaries that you’ve kept to help you compartmentalize your relationship with Carmy. 
There’s no possibility of hiding from it when his body feels this good so close to yours. 
The truth is that you are fully, wholly, and stupidly in love with each other. 
“Yes,” you parrot.
With your confirmation, his mouth is back on yours, as you’re pulling him on top of you, deeper into your shared passionate liplock. He wonders why he’s denied himself the pleasure of having you, for this goddamn long. His tongue slides against yours, a tender hand moving up to cup your face. The way his name sounds tumbling out of your mouth sends him into a frenzy. It feels absolutely intoxicating and he can’t get enough. 
Carmy’s hands begin to wander, fingertips sliding at an experimental pace underneath the hem of the t-shirt you’re wearing. You shudder against his touch, gasping as you anticipate where this is going. 
Carmy raises his head to look at you, not sure if it’s a good thing or not. 
“This okay?” he asks you, concern evident in his voice. 
“Yeah,” you nod, giving him permission. “Yeah.”
“Okay,” he whispers.
And then he’s kissing you again, dragging calloused fingertips up and down your torso underneath the shirt, hesitantly making their way to where they’d like to be. You’re not wearing a bra, he realizes, as his fingertips find soft, supple skin at the rounded bottom of your breast. He follows the shape of it, before bringing a cautious palm up to grab hold of the fullness of your breast. You arch into his touch, encouraging him further. Carmy takes his time exploring your body, giving you the lightest touch as his fingertips graze your nipple. 
“Can I take this off?” he questions, only willing to move forward if you say yes.
You nod, breathlessly, “Please.”
You watch as he sits up, pushing the hem of your shirt up over your breasts, revealing your bare body to him. He has to hold back a groan, swallowing hard. 
Carmy stops what he’s doing, in pure awe of you, as he marvels at you. He can’t believe this is real: that you’re here, laying in his bed, allowing him to do the things he thought could only live in his head. 
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” are the words that tumble out of his mouth and you think you may cry. 
“Touch me,” you whisper desperately, begging him to come back to you. 
“Touch me, Carmy.”
Carmy lays his body over yours, and you spread your legs wider, allowing him to fit perfectly between them. He begins to roll his hips against yours as he returns his attention back to your bare breasts. He drags his fingertips over your erect nipples, following his touch with his mouth. 
He practically groans as he wraps his lips around one of your nipples, earning a strangled whine from you as his hot, wet mouth engulfs you. 
“Carmy,” you moan, arching into him. 
He’s rolling his hips against your clothed core on pure instinct, as he takes his time, now exploring unfamiliar territory with his lips and his tongue. You find a good rhythm as he continues to drag his mouth over you, grinding your hips into his underneath your remaining clothes. He’s surprisingly good at this – something you hadn’t expected considering he’d let you know he didn’t have much experience when it came to dating. You assumed that that meant sexually as well. 
As Carmy moves to your other breast, you feel one of his hands snake under the elastic waistband of your sweatpants, lifting his hips so he can feel you. You know you’ve soaked through your cotton panties from the anticipation, and it goes right to his dick as he feels just how wet you are. He doesn’t have much experience with this, but he’s seen in porn. He begins to rub circles across your clothed core, while he busies his mouth with exploring your other breast. 
But he’s not quite where you want him.
“Wait,” you say, stopping him. 
Had he just gotten caught up in the moment?
Did you not want to go this far?
“Did I do something wrong?” he asks you, a concerned tone in his voice. 
“No,” you’re quick to reassure him, shaking your head. “No, I just-.”
Instead of explaining, you reach down to grab his hand, guiding him just a little higher up to your clit. He presses the rough pad of his index finger against it, finally touching you where you need him, gasping to let him know that he’s found the right spot. His eyes are locked on you, watching your face change as the new spot you’ve shown him brings you more pleasure than he could’ve imagined. 
He practically groans into your mouth when he hears the way you whine his name, and he swears he’ll do anything to hear you say it again. 
“There?” he asks you, rubbing tight circles across your clit. 
“Yes,” you pant, growing wetter with every touch. 
Carmy pulls away just for a moment, daring to touch you underneath your panties. You’re so wet for him, and he thinks he may lose his mind as he slides his index finger in between your folds curiously.
“Take them off,” you practically demand. 
“Hm?” he hums, lost in the way you look at him with hooded lids and pupils blown out with pure desire. 
He’s never been this guy. 
The guy that gets the girl. 
He never knew he could feel like this guy, but here you are, begging him to undress you. 
“I said take them off,” you repeat yourself, more desperate this time. You take a lighter approach with what you say next, the smallest giggle in your voice. “And while you’re at it, we gotta get you naked too.” 
“Yeah,” he says, with the kind of conviction he’d say ‘heard’ with. 
He’s stripping off his shirt, and you’re sliding your pants and underwear off with him. 
“I have a condom in my emergency kit,” you say, the both of you busy shedding your clothes. 
“Yeah?” he asks you, relieved to hear it. He hadn’t thought that far yet. 
“Yeah, hold on,” you reply, getting up from the bed. 
Carmy thinks he may pass out as he watches you stand, giving him a full view of your naked body. You disappear only for a moment, before returning with the small emergency kit you always keep in your backpack. It’s equipped with all the ‘just-in-cases:’ tampons, panty liners, safety pins… condoms. You pull out a single condom before returning to the bed. Carmy’s kneeling on the bed, and you mirror his body language, doing the same. 
“What would you like to do?” you inquire softly. 
As turned on and hot for him as you are, you want to make sure that he still wants to do this. He finds himself surprised at your question, not sure how to answer it. 
“Think we can just pick up where we left off?” he asks you. 
“Yeah,” you reply. 
You place the condom down beside you on the bed, before leaning in to press your lips against his again. He inhales as you kiss him, his tongue immediately sliding against yours as one of his hands goes to the back of your head, pulling you closer to him. He’s surprised as you pull away from him, beginning to leave hot, open mouthed kisses down his neck, his chest, and he hisses in anticipation as run your hands down his muscular abdomen, following with your mouth. 
“Hold on, I uh-,” he stutters out, as he anticipates where you’re going with this. 
You pause, sitting up tall as you kneel, your body across from his. 
“I just uh… if you do that, I don’t know if I’ll last long,” he admits, a blush running across his cheeks. 
“Yeah, no. Totally cool,” you reassure him, before crashing your lips against his once again. 
As you tangle your tongues together once again, Carmy begins to lead you down towards the bed, pushing you back, and climbing on top of you. He still has his sweatpants on, so you begin to bring your hands down to them. He hisses as you cup his rock hard erection, pleasantly surprised by what you feel. 
“Wanna take these off?” you ask in between kisses. 
“Yeah,” Carmy nods, sitting up for a moment. 
You wait with baited breath as he strips his sweatpants off, wondering if he’s as thick as he feels. You’re practically pulsing, squeezing around nothing as you finally see him, Carmy, your best friend, fully naked. 
God, he’s beautiful. 
How had you not noticed how physically attractive he was? 
It’s not that you hadn’t noticed. It’s that you hadn’t let yourself think about it. 
You reach over to where you left the condom, handing it to him. Carmy takes it, a blush running across his cheeks as he rolls it on, still in disbelief that you’re about to do this. He returns to you, laying his body over top of you as you space for him once again between your legs. He’s hesitant to give you his full bodyweight as he gives you a long, passionate kiss. And before he knows it, you’re reaching down to stroke him, and he’s thrusting into your hand, his breath becoming heavier and heavier. 
You feel him as he presses his tip against you, rubbing it up and down before pushing into you. You both gasp as he gives you shallow thrusts, testing the waters, thrusting deeper into you with each one.
He pauses, exhaling as he’s fully inside of you. You’re pulsing around him, practically causing him to lose his mind with the way you feel alone.
“Fffffuck, you feel good,” he moans, trying not to cum right then and there. 
He begins giving you shallow, hesitant thrusts, unsure of himself. He wants to make you feel good. And he’s also terrified that this is going to end before it’s even properly started. 
Carmy stops again, pausing within you. 
“Sorry, I just-.” 
“No, it’s okay. Take your time.”
He’s nervous. You can tell he’s nervous and that he’s trying not to cum. 
“How about… I take control?” you suggest, hesitantly. “And that way, if you need me to stop we can um… well, you can just tell me.”
“Uh… yeah,” he agrees with a nod. “Sure.” 
Clumsily, the two of you switch positions, making sure he knows you’re okay with this. As he lies on his back, staring up at you, you straddle his hips, giving him the smallest smile. You reach down, guiding him into you once again. You gasp as he fills you, his thick cock stretching you, especially in this position. Carmy’s hands go to your hips as he watches you take him. 
“You feel really good too, Carm,” you finally say, your hands moving to his chest to brace yourself as you begin shifting your hips forward and back at the most unbearably slow pace. 
Carmy thinks he must be dreaming as he watches you ride him. His hands slide over your hips, wrapping around your body so that he can touch your butt. He’s practically digging the pads of his fingers into your hips as you begin moving over him at a faster pace. 
“Shit… you’re really good at this,” he groans, as you lean down to kiss him. 
You giggle against his lips, and whatever thoughts he has in his head disappear. Carmy begins thrusting up into you, his hands on your hips encouraging you to move a little faster as you kiss him. You’re moaning his name, whining as you feel every single inch of his cock slide against your walls, becoming more and more breathless by the minute. Your gasps turn into moans, getting higher in pitch as you go. His hands are guiding your hips, taking some control back as you grind against each other. 
“Carmy,” you cry out as he thrusts his hips hard into you. “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna cum.” 
“Yeah?” he asks. You nod, breathless, as you bury your face into his chest. 
He holds your hips down, pinning you down against him as pushing his hips into yours. 
“You wanna switch?” he asks, breathless. “Can I-?” 
“Please,” you reply eagerly.
You switch positions once more, and as Carmy guides himself into you again, you can tell he’s much more confident than last time you’d found yourself in this position. You wrap a leg around his waist and he holds you there, beginning to move his hips against yours again. He works his way up to a rapid pace, his face turning red as he does, and you’re writhing underneath his body, whispering the dirtiest things into his ear with every single thrust.
“Holy shit, Carmy. You feel so goddamn good too,” you praise him. “God, you’re gonna make me cum.”
“Yeah?” he manages to get out in between grunts. 
“Yes. Please let me cum,” you beg him, as he hits that spot inside of you, earning another loud cry. 
“Don’t stop.”
He’s surprised to learn that he likes it when you beg as he tangles his fingers with yours, pinning you down so that he can fuck you. With your hand in his, so close to your climax, you let slip:
“I thought about this too. I’ve wanted this for so long too, Carmy.”
“Fuck,” he howls as he drives into you, his sole purpose to earn more praise from you. To hear you cry out his name. To give you what you’ve been begging for. 
You angle your hips upward so that he can go even deeper, hitting all the way to the back of you. You’re grasping at his back, his arms, his biceps, hanging onto any piece of him that you can as he shudders, letting out the most guttural sounds. You’re squeezing around him, as he takes you to your high. The feeling of you cumming, squeezing around him like your life depends on it drive him wild, and he’s fucking you through it, the feeling of your orgasm bringing him to his. 
As you finally come down, you pull Carmy in for a searing kiss. 
“Holy shit, Carm,” you say, breathlessly. 
“Yeah,” he pants against your lips. 
Even if just for tonight, all feels right in the world. 
This feels right. 
*
The light of day is sobering. Before Carmy’s even had a chance to open his eyes, the events of the day before come flooding in, running in vicious circles around his mind: the phone call from Sugar, Richie screaming at him… and then…. 
Fuck. 
He’d crossed the line with you. 
He doesn’t know whether to be mad at himself or devastated that he fucked up, considering he’s sure as hell not going to let himself feel anything about Mikey yet. 
Michael. 
Michael’s dead. 
And he might’ve done the one thing he swore he wouldn’t do – the one thing that he’d been afraid of: that he might just lose you. 
As you stir in bed next to him, slowly blinking your eyes open, you turn over on your side. Carmy’s sitting on the edge of the bed and you can see Carmy’s stuck in his head. While you’d let yourself surrender to whatever that was last night, you knew today was different. 
“Hey,” is all you say, hugging Carmy’s bed sheets closer to your naked body. 
“Um… listen. We don’t have to-,” you begin, searching for the right words. “Let’s just forget about this, okay? I don’t-. You’ve got a lot going right now and-.”
You take a breath. You know the two of you can’t be together right now, even after your revelation last night. 
“I don’t want to lose you.”
Carmy swallows, fighting back the emotions that begin to swell in his chest. 
He feels sick to his stomach. 
But he doesn’t want to do this in front of you. 
“Yeah, no. We can… we can just forget it,” is all he gets out, his eyes fixed on the floor. 
“You sure?” you question. 
He takes a beat before answering:
“I don’t want to lose you either.” 
And even with the declaration you’d made – the promise to forget since neither of you could afford to lose each other – things had become different. In the weeks following, your communications with Carmy were less than normal. While you understood he was processing, grieving, he’d withdrawn from you, and it hurt more than you had the words for. 
You’d check in, making sure he knew you were here for him if he needed to talk. But he put his head down, working night after night at the restaurant, cold, stoic, and checked out. You worried about him. And you also knew that you both needed some space from each other. 
Some days you regret it – sleeping together – and other days, you don’t. You think that maybe everyone had been right about the two of you all along – that this had been inevitable. But it happened under the worst timing, the worst circumstances and you miss your best friend. You wish, in some ways, that two of you could just go back to normal.
read: chapter five
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