#hes literally a trash goblin | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dreamofbecoming · 10 months

Text

more stobin nonsense from your resident trash goblin. feat. shitty harrington parents, lavender marriage, full party found family shenanigans, steddie flirting, steve&will bonding, and a severe lack of dialogue tags

rating: t wc: 5k ao3

“I knew it!”

Steve sighs. Listen, he knew the minute he opened his mouth that this was coming. There was always a zero percent chance Dustin was ever gonna let him get out the whole thing before bursting in with this exact interruption, but that doesn’t make it less annoying. If the little shithead would just let him finish--

"I knew you were perfect together, I can't believe you didn't tell us you were dating! How long have you been a thing? I have money to collect! Can I be your best man? Never mind, obviously I'm gonna be your best man. You so owe me for not telling me sooner! I cannot believe-"

"Henderson!"

"What?"

"We're not together like that."

In fairness, Dustin is not the only one to give them an incredulous look for that one.

"Steve. You literally just announced you and Robin are getting married. What is even the point of pretending you're not in love anymore? What are you still trying to prove? Just admit I was right the whole time!"

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose and forces himself to take a deep breath, instead of wringing Dustin's weird little boneless neck. It's not his fault, he reminds himself. They haven't gotten to the second part of the announcement, so his assumptions are natural.

Now, it is Henderson's fault that they haven't managed to say the rest of what they came here to say, so maybe he can keep blaming him after all.

"Do you remember when we sat down and we asked you guys to let us say everything we were gonna say without interrupting?"

"Uh, yeah dude, it was like ten minutes ago. We're not stupid."

"Has it occurred to you that maybe we weren't done saying everything we were gonna say, considering I was halfway through a sentence when you jumped in?"

"I mean, I guess, but like, it's pretty obvious where you're going with this, Steve. You're not a complicated guy, no offense. Now, where did we land on the best man issue?"

Nancy must see the offense very much taken on his face, because before he can open his mouth and say something probably horrifically rude that would feel amazing in the moment and which he would immediately regret, she jumps to his rescue.

"Dustin, you're being very rude. Steve and Robin came here to talk to us, and we promised to listen. Let them finish."

It's nice of her to back Steve up, considering how weird this conversation must be for her. Hopefully it gets less awkward soon.

Henderson grumbles mutinously, but years of dealing with first Mike and then the rest of the little dickheads have left Nancy's control ironclad, and he waves sarcastically for Steve to continue.

This kid is spending too much time with Eddie, the attitude is getting out of hand.

"Right. Thanks, Nance. As I was saying, Robin and I are getting married, yes. But not because we're in love. I mean, I love her, obviously, but as a friend. Only a friend. Or, well, I guess a friend and soon a...friend...wife? Frife? Wend? You guys get it."

"We very much don't." Alright, well, fine, add Max to the shitlist.

He looks over at Robin, hoping for help, but she's stiff as a board and trembling all over.

He doesn't want to be the one to say the words for her. They agreed together to tell everyone the truth, it was her idea even, but the last thing he wants to do is steal that moment from her.

Maybe he can just…talk around it, until she feels up to it. And if not, he’ll just tell them his part of it and call it good.

“We’re getting lavender married.”

Okay, so that’s probably not like. A normal way to say that or whatever. Robin just used that term like fifty times last night, alright? She was really excited about the article she just read about it, something about how it was a thing in, like, olden times or whatever, and now it’s coming back because Reagan is a fucking tool, Steve’s not sure, he was only kind of listening. Regardless, now it’s stuck in his head. Sue him or whatever, geez.

Anyway, he isn’t sure how many people in this room will actually understand what that means, but Nancy’s mouth drops open in a perfect little O the way it only does when she’s genuinely surprised by something, and there’s a tiny gasp from over by the table that he thinks might have come from Will, and Max mutters to herself “Oh shit, that explains so much,” so it’s not none of them, which helps. No pitchforks yet, at least.

Jonathan is eyeing him speculatively, and Argyle is offering him an enthusiastic thumbs up, which is nice.

Unfortunately, the other boys and El are giving him blank, expectant stares, and Erica is eyeing him with both confusion and annoyance, so it looks like he still has some explaining to do.

“What the hell does your color scheme have to do with this? I’m not helping plan the wedding, dude, I don’t care that much.”

Steve mumbles a “Language,” on reflex, but his heart isn’t in it. This is somehow more nerve-wracking than evil Russians.

“Mike, that’s not what it means. Now shut up and listen, or I’ll tell Mom how that red sock ended up in her load of white delicates.”

“Oh come on, she’ll kill me!” When all he gets in return is a single raised eyebrow, he groans and slumps further into his seat, glaring at Steve.

“Right. Okay. So basically, last night, my parents--”

“I’m a lesbian!”

There’s a beat of dead silence, which in this group is more unsettling than just about anything else.

Steve keeps his eyes on Robin, who looks just about as shocked at her own outburst as everyone else in the room. He takes her hand, squeezing gently until she unfreezes a little and looks back over at him. She looks terrified, and it breaks his heart a little.

“You okay, babe?” He keeps his voice low, murmuring just loud enough for her to hear. He knows this moment is the opposite of private, but she needs him to pretend for a second, so that’s what he’s gonna do.

She nods, a little jerkily, but she grips his hand back and intentionally evens out her breathing. She’s so fucking brave. He would burn the world down for Robin Buckley, and he doesn’t care who knows it.

He can’t believe she’s willing to do this for him, but he’s so grateful he feels like he’s choking on it.

“Henderdork will literally never shut up and let you live it down if we do this and he doesn’t know the truth. Not even for a single second for the rest of forever, and I, for one, am not putting up with that shit until death or legal marriage reforms do us part, Dingus.”

It was a solid point last night when they came up with the plan, curled on her bed while she stroked his hair and generously pretended he hadn’t soaked the shoulder of her shirt with his sobs, all his worldly possessions packed into a duffel on her bedroom floor, but he knows her insistence was more about knowing how much he hates lying to the kids than it was about protecting herself from irritating teenagers.

He doesn’t think there’s enough room on the whole planet to hold all the love he feels for her, even if you count the Upside Down and any other weirdo dimensions floating around out there waiting to ruin his day.

“I’m okay, bubba. Don’t let go?” Her hand is shaking in his, but he just squeezes harder.

“Never.” He turns back to the room, eyes hard as he scans the faces of their family for any hostility. He wouldn’t have agreed to this part of the plan if he thought any of them would be a problem, but he’s not taking anything for granted with Robbie’s safety. Not now, not ever. "Everyone's gonna be cool about that, right?"

"Of course we are, right, guys?" From the pained grunt that follows her words, Steve assumes Max has dug her elbow into Mike's ribs.

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"I suppose this makes you slightly less lame, Buckley. It's definitely better than when I thought you liked this loser." Wow, okay, thank you Erica.

"Yeah totally! Thanks for trusting us, Robin." Lucas is a sweetheart, he really is. He's also glancing surreptitiously at Will while he nods enthusiastically, who is still staring open-mouthed at Robin with wide, shiny eyes.

"Yes, thank you for trusting us, Robin." Nancy is smiling kindly, but she's got that glint in her eye that Steve knows means she just came up with more questions and is waiting for the right moment to strike. Fair enough, at least she's letting Robs have her moment first.

He finally drags his eyes back to Dustin, who he doesn't really want to admit, even to himself, he's a little worried about. Not that he'll be shitty about it, necessarily, but there's nothing that brings out Henderson's bitchy side like being wrong, and he's been so fucking wrong this entire time. It's bound to upset him.

And maybe Steve will never say this out loud where the other kids might hear, but the truth is that Dustin's opinion matters to him more than just about everyone else's. Dustin was the first person in the whole world who saw Steve, the real Steve, and decided he was worth keeping around. If Henderson can't accept this part of Robin, it means he can't accept this part of Steve, and if that happens...if that happens Steve isn't sure he'll be able to come back from it.

So he's...not worried, okay? Worried is not the right word. Anxious, maybe. Concerned.

Okay fine fuck off he's worried.

Dustin...looks like he's about to cry. Shit.

"Did you think you couldn't trust me?" His voice is so small. Steve doesn't think he's ever heard it so small. It feels wrong. Henderson's voice should fill every room he's in, always. "You didn't have to lie. You could have told me the truth."

Aw, fuck.

"Buddy,--"

"It's not that simple, little man."

Steve whips back around to look at Robin. Are you sure you’re up for this? She purses her lips and narrows her eyes. Yeah, Dingus, this is my mess. Let me clean it up. Put the lance down, White Knight. Well, alright then. He waves for her to continue, ignoring the looks the others always shoot them when they do their silent conversation thing. Not his fault they can’t read each other as well, it’s not like it’s hard.

"Before today, Steve was the only person in the world who knew about me. And honestly, I don't know if I would have told him if we weren't both coming off torture and truth serum. I've worked hard to hide it my whole life, baby Dingus, that's not an easy thing to stop doing. It's scary."

"But we're your friends. We're your family! We saved the world together! You should trust your family, right?"

Aw, jeez. Steve forgets, sometimes, how young they are. They've been through horrific supernatural trauma, but they're still the kind of kids who think life is a story with a happy ending, like their little dragon game.

"Yeah, bud, you should, but it's not always that easy. There can be really serious consequences for telling the wrong person. Like, last night my parents found out I'm bisexual by accident and now I...well. Now I don't have parents anymore." Oof, okay, little blunter than he meant to be, but Robbie's getting anxious again so he has to take the focus back.

There's an eruption of sound, as every voice in the Party starts shouting all at once, turning the Wheeler's basement into Steve's own personal migraine generator.

"Did they kick you out?"

"You're bisexual?!"

"What's bisexual?"

"They can't just do that!"

"Does this mean we have to find somewhere else for Hellfire nights?"

That last one earns Erica several Looks, but she doesn't flinch. "What? I'm just being practical."

He wishes Eddie was here. The gremlins actually listen to him, unlike Steve, on account of as their Hellfire DM, he has leverage they care about to threaten them with. Well, most of them, but it's definitely a help when he's around.

Sadly he and Wayne are at some kind of Munson family reunion down in West Virginia this week, so Steve is gonna have to do this whole spiel over again when he gets back. He and Robin thought about waiting until he got back and the whole Party could be together, but the kids would definitely notice him not living in Loch Nora anymore pretty much immediately. And Steve hates the idea of telling him over the phone, so double coming out/engagement announcement it is.

"Alright, Jesus Christ, enough! One at a goddamn time, you animals."

He looks back at Dustin, who's definitely crying now. "Yeah, buddy, they kicked me out, but I'm okay. I'm staying with the Buckleys for now, and Rob and I have been saving up to move in together soon anyway, so all this did is move up our timeline. I'm safe and I'm fine, okay? I promise."

Dustin plasters himself to Steve's front, squeezing like he's worried Steve is going to shatter into pieces and he can hold him together by sheer force of will. It's very sweet, even if it's crushing his lungs a little.

"I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me." The words are muffled in Steve's chest, he's not sure anyone else heard him.

"Aw, kid, it's okay. I trust you, alright? Always. You die, I die, remember? I was just...figuring my shit out, that's all."

"Your parents are mouthbreathers." Steve chuckles a little at the mutinous glare on El's face, not pausing his hand where he's stroking Dustin's hair.

"You're not wrong, Supergirl. But it's fine, honestly. They've always been dicks, I've been planning to move out for a long time. They just...gave me the final push, is all." He's definitely leaving out the part where he broke down sobbing in Robbie's bed last night, asking her over and over why he was so broken that his own parents couldn't love him, but the kids don't need to hear that part of the story.

"Does this have something to do with your whirlwind engagement?" There she is, ace reporter Nancy Wheeler. Observant as always.

"Yeah, pretty much. They disinherited me, but they're still legally my next of kin."

"And Dingus has had far too much head trauma for me to trust he's not gonna end up back in the hospital for something at some point, and the last thing we need is Mr. and Mrs. von Child Neglect getting that call. And I was just reading about gay men and women who are marrying each other so they can have someone allowed in to see in them in the hospital, because of the virus, you know? And I thought, hey that's not a half bad idea! We're gonna be living together anyway, and it's not like I'm marrying anyone else, and it'll be good for both of us to have someone who knows about, y'know, monsters and all that jazz, to do our power of attorney stuff, so, voila! Mr. and Mrs. Bucklington!"

"We are not changing our name to Bucklington."

"Well Harringley is worse, so suck it up, buttercup."

"I'm not interested in keeping the Harrington name, Bobs, I'd rather just be a Buckley."

"Aw, bubba, you're gonna make me cry!"

"You should both become Hendersons! Then we'd really be brothers!"

Steve erupts into laughter, the tension effectively broken by Dustin's wide, toothy grin. "What d'ya say, Bobbie? Steve and Robin Henderson?"

"Would we get access to Claudia's lasagna recipe? Because if so, I'm behind this plan one hundred percent.”

"By 'we' you do mean me, right? Because I love you more than life, Bobs, but I'm not letting you anywhere near a casserole dish. I've learned that lesson."

"It was one time!"

"It took me three days to get all the cheese off the ceiling! There's still a stain!"

"Well good! Ceiling grease stains can be the Harrington's problem now, anyway. They deserve it!"

Argyle is nodding sagely from on top of the incredibly deflated bean bag he's sharing with Jonathan. "I do like Bucklington, it makes you sound like a fancy butler. But family is important, brochachos, and so is lasagna. I vote Henderson."

This spurs impassioned arguments from all corners, which Steve is more than happy to relax into the couch cushions and let wash over him.

There's a light, bubbly feeling in his chest. For the first time since his dad walked in unannounced yesterday, interrupting his phone call with Robin at the worst possible moment, the knot of fear and grief in his stomach starts to loosen.

Robin smiles at him, and he grins helplessly back. Who needs parents when he's got a soulmate? They're together, they're safe, they're surrounded by their family. Steve holds Dustin tighter to his side and lets himself feel loved.

He takes advantage of a lull in the Last Name Wars to get out the last of the speech he'd planned. "Anyway, we decided to tell all of you the truth when we came up with this plan last night, because we do trust you and we didn't want to lie to you, and also because we knew you shitheads would never shut up about us being in love if we didn't and that sounded awful."

He laughs delightedly at the chorus of indignant outbursts this gets him before continuing.

"It's really important that you don't tell anyone outside the Party the truth, alright? We're gonna tell Eddie when he gets back, and we might tell Joyce and Hop eventually, but that needs to be our choice to do. You can't do it for us, and you absolutely can't tell anyone else. The whole point of this is to keep us safe by keeping people from finding out the truth, okay?"

El looks vaguely uncomfortable, but not upset. "Will you tell my Dad soon?"

Steve glances at Robbie, who's looking anxious again, and then over at Will. His shoulders are tense, hunched up around his ears, and he's staring intently at the table in front of him.

Steve isn't sure if anyone else knows what he thinks he knows about Will, but he's pretty sure he recognizes the specific flavor of isolation he can see Will struggling with sometimes, and he's definitely sure he recognizes the looks Will shoots at Mike whenever Wheeler isn't looking. Tommy used to look at him like that.

Either way, he knows the kind of fear the kid must be suffering, just like he knows how terrifying today was for Robin. For Steve, the worst case scenario has already happened, so he has a lot less left to lose. He can afford to smooth the way a little, to test the waters and make sure they're safe for everyone else.

It's not that different from his normal role in this group anyway, just a different kind of monster. He's always been good at taking hits so the others don't have to-- this is just another threat to step in front of.

"Tell you what, Ellie, I'll talk to Hop and Joyce this weekend, that way you won't have to keep secrets from him for too long. I'll just tell him about me, though, at first, okay? That way we'll know if it's safe for Robbie." Or anyone else, he doesn't say.

Jonathan hears it, at the very least, and shoots him a look that's equal parts surprised and grateful. Maybe Will has someone else in his corner after all, then.

El nods happily, satisfied with that.

Before anyone else can jump in, there's a clattering on the basement stairs. None of them have time to tense up too badly before the door bursts open and Eddie comes tumbling through it in a flurry of dark curls and frayed denim.

"Fear not, my wayward wastrels, for I have returned from far off lands, bearing tidings and the promise of libations!"

Steve only recognizes, like, four of those words, but seeing Eddie gives him the same happy, fizzy feeling in his gut that it always does these days, so he grins.

"You're back early, Eds, everything ok?"

Eddie blinks at him, then around the room, looking surprised to see it so packed.

"Yeah, my cousin Clarence accidentally broke my MeeMaw's pasture fencing and set all the goats loose in the hills, and if we stuck around we were gonna have to help round them back up, so Wayne and I snuck out early. I was coming to invite the gremlins out for pizza to tell you all about it, but this is more people than I was expecting. Y'all having a family meeting? Without little old moi?"

Steve valiantly suppresses the shiver that the twang in Eddie's voice triggers. Steve's not sure if Eddie notices the way his accent gets stronger when he's been talking to family, but he's had to work very hard to make sure he doesn't notice the way it affects Steve.

Steve has barely tested the flirting waters with Eddie since admitting his crush to Robin, he's definitely not jumping right in with 'It makes me tingly all over when you start talking with a drawl, wanna call me darlin' and see what happens?'

Luckily Bobbie notices his inner struggle and comes to his rescue.

"It was kind of a time sensitive issue- not a life or death one! Or like. Not a monster one, anyway. But shit went down last night and we needed to brief everyone before the geek squad figured out something was funky and came beating down the door. Steve wanted to tell you in person so we were gonna wait til you got back, but here you are!"

Eddie's looking at Robin with an amused smile on his face, one eyebrow raised and his lips quirked in a lopsided grin that is, frankly, unreasonably attractive. "Here I am indeed, my fair Lady of Feathers. So what's the scoop?"

He plops down next to Jonathan and Argyle on the beanbags, nearly sending them all toppling before Argyle hooks both of them around the waists and drags them practically into his lap.

Steve is not seething with jealousy. He's not.

A half a dozen voices chime out all at once.

"Robin's gay!"

"Steve's homeless."

"Robin and Steve are getting married!"

“Purple married.”

“It’s lavender, dummy.”

“Lavender’s a kind of purple!”

"They're gonna be Hendersons!"

"No they aren't, weirdo, they're gonna be Buckleys."

"Bucklington is clearly the superior choice, even if Argyle was right about the butler thing."

“Bucklington my ass, y’all dumb as hell if you think Mom and Dad aren’t gonna try and make him a Sinclair after this.”

"Mama and Papa Harrington didn't like that Stevie boy has double the love to give. Totally bogus. Bi bros for life, man."

"I still call Steve's best man!"

Eddie blinks a little when everyone quiets down, looking vaguely shellshocked. "That was. A lot of information to get in thirty seconds."

And, listen, Steve is like, 97% sure Eddie's cool. More than cool, even. He moves that bandana to the same pocket every time he changes his jeans, no matter what outfit he's wearing. There's no way that's an accident. But if Steve is being totally honest, which he's trying to do more these days, at least inside his own brain, this is maybe not the way he'd have chosen to come out to his crush. It's somehow way more nerve-wracking when he didn't even get to say it himself.

Oh well, it's out there now. It's fine, probably.

Still, there’s a definite feeling of relief when Eddie turns that megawatt grin on him again.

"Man, I wish I'd known there were other queers in Hawkins, I might have listened sooner when Henderson told me how cool you guys were!"

Steve laughs, only a little hysterically. "Dude, if you thought you were the only one, what the hell have you been wearing that hanky for? Who are you hoping will see it?"

It's a little gratifying to see Eddie go flaming tomato red in seconds. "I am not talking about that in mixed company, Steven. There are children here!"

"Ugh, we're literally teenagers."

"Tiny baby infants! If you're so curious, you can ask me again later."

"Promise?" Steve can't stop himself from grinning wolfishly.

Eddie tugs his hair in front of his face to hide, and the frantic little giggle and the quiet "Oh my god," he lets out both sound more than a little strangled. Steve's having the time of his life right now.

"Gross." Ugh, rude. He glares at Robin for ruining his fun. She sticks her tongue out at him.

Before they can devolve into the inevitable slapfight, Nancy cuts in again.

"Alright, unless anyone else has anything to share in private, I think we should take Eddie's suggestion and get something to eat." Good thinking, Nance. "To celebrate the happy couple, of course," she adds with a smirk. Yeah, that makes more sense.

"Onward then, my noble companions, to pizza and to paradise!" Eddie vaults off the beanbag, sending Jonathan and Argyle tumbling. Argyle laughs and accepts Eddie's hand up, while Jonathan just rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

Eddie slings an arm around Robin's shoulders as they head for the basement door. "So, Birdie, what's this I hear about a wedding? I need context."

As the kids go thundering up the stairs, arguing about who gets to drive in which car, Steve lingers. He noticed Will hanging back from the others, and now they're the last ones left, Will still slowly packing up the pens and notebooks he seems to carry around with him everywhere. Jonathan is hovering anxiously in the doorway, so Steve sends him a nod and waves him off. He's got this.

"You ready to go, kid?"

Will fidgets with the zipper on his bag for another few seconds before looking up at Steve through his, frankly tragic, fringe. "I'm sorry your parents suck."

"Yeah, man, me too." Steve shoots him a wry little smile. "It's alright though, sometimes we're better off without them. I've got plenty of family here that love me, I'll survive without Richard and Diane."

Will studies him for a minute. Steve's not sure what he's looking for, but he hopes he finds it.

"That's what Jonathan says about Lonnie." Steve nods, trying not to wince at the memory of the things he spat at Jonathan that day in '83 when everything changed. "I used to think it was my fault he left, but Jonathan says he was just a bastard, and it's better he's gone anyway."

"I didn't know Lonnie," he's careful not to say your dad, "but from what I've heard, Jonathan's probably right. And he's definitely right that it's not your fault."

"Like it's not your fault your parents kicked you out?"

"Yeah, exactly like that. If it was my fault, that would mean I did something wrong. The only thing I did was exist, and be different than they thought I would be. If they can't love the kid they had, then they shouldn't have had a kid at all. That's their problem, not mine. There's nothing wrong with me."

It doesn't matter if he heard all of these things from Robin first, if he's still trying to learn to believe them. Will needs to hear them like they're true, the same way Steve does.

"Are you sure?" Will's voice is trembling now. He's looking at the floor, but Steve can tell there are tears coming. "How can you be sure this is how you're supposed to be? Wouldn't you rather be normal?"

Oh, kid. "I mean, yeah, maybe it would be easier if I only liked girls, but I don't. I tried for a long time to pretend that I did, but it didn't make it true. And yeah, part of me wants to hate myself, because that's what they taught me to think, and I still kinda wish doing that would make them love me, but it won't. But honestly, you wanna know the biggest thing?" Will nods.

"I can't hate that part of myself without hating Robin, and there's no universe where I could hate Robin. Robin's perfect. She's the best person in the world, and she's gay, so being gay can't be bad. It's impossible. So whenever that voice in my head starts saying shitty things to me, I just think about how much I love Robin and tell it to shut up."

There's a beat where Will seems to be absorbing this.

"How did you know it would be safe? To tell us the truth?"

"I didn't."

Will stares at him in shock.

"Not a hundred percent, anyway. I was pretty sure, but it's never a guarantee with stuff like this, you know? But the other option was never telling anyone, and that...it gets tiring, you know? Always having to hide. Always having to check yourself. Lying when people ask the wrong questions. It wears you down. And I've fought monsters with you guys. I've been tortured by spies with you guys. If I can't trust this group to have my back, I can't trust anyone, can I? And I didn't want to live a life of not trusting anyone. I didn't want Bobbie to live a life like that. So, we took a chance. And it paid off, because all of you are the people we thought you were, and we were right to trust you. But it was a leap of faith, dude. It always is."

"What if I'm not ready?" Fucking shit, this kid. He's been through more than any of them, except maybe El, and he's still so goddamn brave. Steve would have crumpled like a tin can in his place.

"Then you're not ready. It's not a test, Will. There's no right or wrong answers. But I will say that every single person out there loves you, and they'll keep loving you no matter what you do. They're not like my parents, or Lonnie. Our friends aren't broken inside the way they are. Their love isn't conditional. You won't chase them away. You couldn't if you tried."

Will lets out a shaky breath, clearly fighting back tears. Steve leans against the table and keeps his head down, offering the kid the illusion of privacy while he pulls himself together. After a few minutes he speaks up again.

"You ready to go, you think?"

Will nods. He goes to walk past Steve to the stairs before hesitating and, to Steve's surprise, wrapping his gangly arms around him in an awkward hug.

"Thanks, Steve," he mumbles into Steve's shoulder.

Steve runs a hand down his back uncertainly. "Anytime, kid."

He keeps his arm around Will's shoulders tentative, but when the kid doesn't shrug him off or move away, he lets it settle more firmly, tugging him closer.

“Come on Baby Byers, let's go get some pizza. You think I can milk the disownment thing to get Eddie to pay for extra toppings?"

Will snorts. "I think Eddie would pay for as many toppings as you want as long as you do that little eyelash thing at him again."

Steve throws his head back and laughs, long and loud from his belly. Yeah, it's gonna be a good night.

my head hurts too much to keep writing this but please know that the pizza parlor engagement party involves plenty of arguing about roles in the wedding party, resulting in MOH erica/best man dustin (scoops troop babeyy), flower girl team lumax (max demanded the role bc her wheelchair means she can carry extra baskets of petals, and lucas will be pushing the chair so her hands are free. he's just excited to be there.) nancy/el bridesmaids and byler groomsmen (mike grumbles and groans but he's secretly thrilled). jonathan does the pictures and it turns out argyle got ordained back in cali as a joke so he officiates. eddie plays crimson and clover for robin’s wedding march. there’s a bit of a kerfuffle when claudia and the sinclairs both try to claim steve as their son, but after someone makes the argument that charles and sue have two kids to carry their name while claudia only has one, they end up hyphenating and becoming the buckley-hendersons. yes, claudia cries. yes, they get the lasagna recipe.

(at the pizza place, eddie asks what his role will be and steve says he doesn't know yet, but he'll save him a dance regardless. eddie has to hide in the bathroom to stop blushing.)

488 notes · View notes

wolf-tail · 5 months

Text

Inspired by this post, I've decided to propose a list of hypothetical Primarch fursonas.

Lion El'Johnson: Call me uncreative but it's all in the name. Lion.

Fulgrim: Reticulated python, but the kind specially bred for iridescent scales. Beautiful, dangerous, carefully curated for perfection.

Perturabo: I'm actually stumped here. Open to suggestions.

Jaghatai Khan: Couldn't decide between horse and eagle, so we'll go with hippogriff.

Leman Russ: Basic Bitch #2: Wolf.

Rogal Dorn: Polar bear. Big, dangerous, from a hostile ice environment, white hair.

Konrad Curze: Bat, specifically little brown bat, one of the lil cute fuckers.

Sanguinius: Trumpeter Swan. Beautiful, elegant bird that will absolutely fuck you up if you piss it off.

Ferrus Manus: Scaly-foot gastropod. Weird ass snail that grows iron scales and lives in undersea volcanoes.

Angron: Quokka. Gentle, docile, cute face structured in such a way that it's impossible for it to frown. Everything Angron was made to be but wasn't.

Roboute Guilliman: Domestic bull. Cattle are very...practical animals, if that makes sense. Widespread, useful, strong. Were often used as currency in ancient times. Deceptively "boring", cute as fuck. Sounds like our boy, and we all know how much he likes farms. Moo moo motherfucker.

Magnus the Red: We're going all out on the Egyptian imagery here folks. A gryphon, but with 2 very specific component animals. The sacred ibis is associated with Thoth, a god of wisdom and knowledge. They are also nasty little trash goblins that will raid your dumpster. Barbary lions were associated with kingship, also hair floofy. And fuck it, throw some snakes scales in there too, as Heka, the Egyptian god most strongly associated with magic, had a connection to serpents.

Mortarion: As you can tell, my indecisive ass loves hybrid sonas. Turkey vulture, not traditionally pretty, eats gross and yucky things, so important yet so undervalued. Good sense of smell, especially for a bird. Thematic association with death. Broad diet and adapts well to lots of environments. Spanish moon moth, bug with pretty green and black wings.

Corvus Corax: His name is literally the scientific name for common raven. If it aint't broke, don'y fix it.

Vulkan: Fire salamander/gila monster.

Lorgar: Domestic sheep. The "lamb of God" imagery was too strong. But he's a ram now, angry AF with horns to match.

Horus: Domestic dog. Friendly, charismatic, intelligent, loyal. But can turn on you, given the right circumstances. He'd a mutt, the unnervingly perfect spotty, floppy eared mutt, the "Fido" of an idealized heterosexual white suburban family unit, pickett fence and 2.5 kids. So perfect you can just tell that something is off.

Alpharius and Omegon: Planarian flatworm. You know why.

177 notes · View notes

stonecoldsilly · 2 years

Text

listen to me listen to me captain k.p. hob is going to find out in literally the next episode from the court of wonder trash that rue (because obviously it was them and not the other named members? wuvvy and gwyndoline don’t have the CLOUT) was the one to stop the marriage between the goblin court and the court of wonder as being unsuitable and we’re going to get a whole heartbreaking scene where he realises they didn’t don’t think goblins are worth love matches and that they for unknown reasons sent their assistant to demand satisfaction for their honour, probably for even attempting to invite rue into that tree in the first place and reaching so far above his station and PRESUMING upon them and hob never understood half the forest interaction let alone why wuvvy was dueling him or even received the letter and he’s going to think he never had a CHANCE my boy’s going to feel worthless and sad oh god oh god it’s a reverse pride and prejudice ‘against my better judgement’ moment oh god miscommunication is my favourite trope oh my lord brennan and oscar how is this episode three and it’s THIS GOOD I’m fucking LOSING IT

#a court of fey and flowers #oscar is SO #brennan is VERY #i love watching aabria RUN #dimension 20 spoilers #dimension20 #battlemaster of ceremonies #acofaf #captain k.p. hob #delloso de la rue

584 notes · View notes

konnorhasapen · 1 year

Text

I HAD AN IDEA AND NOW I AM EXERCISING THAT IDEA

ASSIGNING EACH LISTENER AN EXOTIC PET AND ALSO NAMING THAT PET

I think this may have turned into an oc thing💀

°•°•°•°•°

Lasko's listener: I just established the other day that they own an axolotl named Cella (that Freelancer is hellbent on calling "Celery" and Huxley loves her ((the axolotl))sm) and this is canon to me now. They also have a Chinese water dragon named Lotus bc I said so :)

Freelancer: do rats count as an exotic pet?? (Google says they do-) They named her Gribby. This is also canon to me.

Angel: they 100% have a sugar glider named Goblin (and David is terrified of him.) They want a fennec fox and they will get a fennec fox and they will name her Deedee. Short for Speed Demon.

Baabe: snake. They own a snake and they named her Rory and Asher loves her to death.

Sweetheart: chameleon. His name is Karma and he and Aggro are besties to the max.

Darlin': a fucking raccoon. Or a badger. Either one named Cujo.

Lovely: they own a bat named Valentina.

Bright Eyes: also owns a rat, but they didn't him Remi. They couldn't remember the rat's actual name so instead they ended up naming him fuckin Ratatouille💀

Starlight: albino ferret albino ferret albino ferret and she's named Carina :)

Seer Obscura: literally owns a barn owl named Tiresias.

Cutie: they have a couple mice they named Allen and Atlas.

Honey: iguana named Geechee, but he also responds to the name Bee for some odd, unknown reason (*cough* Guy-)

Warden: snake. Burmese python. I feel like they would want to name her, but wouldnt know what to name her, so they'd settle for Mesii (to base it slightly off "burmese")

Mentor/Baby: four ferrets. Four ferrets that are specifically named Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde.

Smartass: they have a bearded dragon named Ivy and she vibes with Aaron.

Sunshine: they have chinchilla siblings named Nimbus and Nebula :3

Anton's listener: they have 2 tree frogs named Mika and Aivo, and a chinchilla named Seria (I like my chinchillas, okay?? I've always wanted one-)

James' listener: hedgehog named Morose and he's the cutest little baby James has ever laid his eyes on.

Asset: they found a mouse in the vents one time and they've kept it ever since. They named her Thias. They like to show Thias to Anton. Anton likes to see Thias(Thias reminds him of Seria). They have also introduced Thias to Brian. Brian also likes Thias. Most of the people working with/on Asset know Thias.

Precious: they aren't allowed to own a pet. Because owning a pet means giving their love and affection and attention to someone other than Regulus.

°•°•°•°•°

Bonus Bits!

Damien: ...Freelancer, I think you have rats.

FL: huh?? Oh, no, that's just Gribby.

Damien: *petting Gribby* who names a pet "Gribby"?

FL: I do. Oh- don't touch her left back leg.

Damien: why? Is she hurt?

FL: I got her checked out first few times it happened, but they said nothin' was wrong.

Damien: then why..?

FL: she just starts screaming.

Damien: what.

☆

David: Angel, I'm—

Goblin, who escaped his habitat: *zooms up the fridge and soars straight towards David, landing on his face and getting comfy on his head*

Angel: Goblin, where'd you go!? Oh! Aww! He loves you!

David: *frozen with fear*

☆

Sam: Darlin'?

Darlin': hm?

Sam: why's there a raccoon/badger on your kitchen counter?

Darlin': that's Cujo.

Sam: ...Cujo was-

Darlin': "mEhMeHmEhMeH cUjO wAs a dOg tHoUgH" let me name my trash panda/rage skunk whatever tf I want.

☆

Vincent: you got a pet bat?

Lovely: yeah! I wanted to name her Vincent as well, but then I thought you might get confused, so I went with Valentina instead! ^-^

Vincent: *teary-eyed* you wanted to name her after me??

Vincent: ...wait- you thought I'd get confused-

☆

Vincent: did you buy a rat?

Bright: I found it in the trash can and he's mine now.

Vincent: o..kay. Does he have a name?

Bright: um, duh. Anyone who owns a rat and doesn't name it Ratatouille is committing an actual crime against humanity.

Vincent: ...hold on.., wasn't the... wasnt the rat's name Remi?

Bright: ...

Vincent: ... I-

Bright: y'know what Vincent?

Vincent: wha-

Bright: shut the fuck up.

☆

Chat: you have a pet!??

Honey: yeah *fetches Geechee from his habitat* His name's Geechee

Chat: YOU HAVE A PET LIZARD!?!?

Honey: iguana*. Anyway, this is Geechee, but I've noticed he also responds to the name "Bee" and I have some speculations as to why that is.

Guy, in chat: I haven't the slightest clue what you could possibly be talking about.

☆

Baby: I found these poor little guys in a box thrown in a trash can.

Ollie: OHMYGOD CAN WE KEEP THEM? HAVE YOU NAMED THEM SO WE CAN KEEP THEM??

Baby: yes, we're keeping them and no, I haven't named them yet.

Ollie: ..suggestion?

Baby: I suppose.

Ollie, immediately: Inky Blinky Pinky and Clyde!

Baby: *sigh* goddamnit, those are gold.

Ollie: Inky Blinky Pinky and Clyde?

Baby: *nods* Inky Blinky Pinky and Clyde.

Ollie: YES!

☆

Asset: hi Marcus!

Marcus: jEsus chRIst- you scared me half to-...

Marcus: what do you have?

Asset: I found someone!

Marcus: you... found someone..?

Asset: *opens their hands to show a petite lil mousey* I've decided to name her.

Marcus: oh- y-yeah? And.. what did you...name her..?

Asset: Thias!

—

Asset: good evening, Anton.

Anton: good evening

Asset: Thias says hello, too!

Anton, with a tired but genuine smile: hello and good evening to you as well, Thias.

°•°•°•°•°

This was fun. I had much fun. This was so much fun :3

54 notes · View notes

pleasejustletpercyrest · 2 years

Text

I almost forgot that Frank Zhang was a character, but my roommate (@gargoyl3city) and I were talking about him and how he’s the ONLY neurotypical person on a ship filled with ADHD goblins. Sure, he’s lactose intolerant, but he’s the only one who can read.

Personally, I think the most unrealistic part of the series is that every time someone is given a prophecy they just…remember it. I, dumbass with adhd, would have to write it down somewhere for sure. I’d have to ask the spirit of Delphi to repeat herself six times, and then I’d need another person to be with me to confirm that I heard things correctly. I think Percy secretly wrote everything down on his hand, and panicked remembered most of it through adrenaline and fear. Frank would have to be his auditory confirmation buddy because he’s the only one who wouldn’t zone out during the prophecy or completely mishear WORSE than him.

Like,

Percy: I think she said something about goats?

Frank: gods, she said gods

Percy, scribbling something out: oh yeah right right. And then I didn’t hear that last part, all I heard was ‘brrshmrshermer’, which was like totally weird but I feel like it was important

Frank, exasperated: she said you would ‘lose the most important piece in the vast expanse of the wasteland’!

Percy: ohhh. See, she said ‘wasteland’ and I was thinking about ‘waste’, and then I was thinking about that giant trash island that’s floating in the middle of the ocean, because like, that’s a big environmental hazard and I think we should start talking about it again because—

Frank: Percy. Focus. Please.

Percy: Right, right. So then she said—

I imagine Frank just has a little pack that holds everyone’s meds and also like, lactaid pills. He has a watch that Leo made him that just has everyone’s medication alarms set, and Frank is seen running around deck giving everyone their doses after breakfast and before lunch. I just think it’s so funny that he’d just be standing there, having a conversation with Annabeth or something, and then his watch starts beeping and he knows which alarm is for which person, so he excuses himself and starts hustling over to Leo, who’s playing Rock Paper Scissors with Jason and talking about dinosaurs.

Frank: Leo, it’s time to take your meds

Leo: what? Huh? No. I could’ve sworn I took them earlier…

Frank: no. *tapping his watch* This is your alarm, and you still got a pill left in your Monday box.

Leo, sighing dramatically: but I don’t wanna take my meds, they always make me sleepy!

Frank: maybe you should get more sleep. Take your meds.

Leo: *hissing*

I just think it’s so funny that Frank is literally just some guy who can’t eat ice cream with the rest of his extremely hyperactive friends. This was my Teddy Talky pt. 2. Thank you and I’ll be here all night.

#percy jackson #leo valdez #heroes of olympus #percy jackon and the olympians #memes #annabeth chase #frank zhang #adhd #I think that Leo and Frank would’ve had the best friendship dynamic among the seven if Rick didn’t give them the weird rivalry annoyance #thing #Leo would’ve teased Frank but Frank would’ve gotten used to it and eventually grown used to the constant blabber because #that’s how leo shows he cares #also I would love to see the seven just #being teens #i think that they deserve to do dumb shit that is purely on impulse and always has Frank in the back yelling for them to get down #just demigod thought #kay’s headcanons

165 notes · View notes

destinyc1020 · 4 months

Note

Didn’t that anon saw Tom fighting The Goblin in NWH. He has fighting skills for sure.

Also they have to remember Tom’s boxing skills, that were recorded for real not in a movie. I remember everyone praising him, even professional boxers, saying he was one of the best or the best boxing video from a celebrity.

I can understand if you didn’t like the fight choreography, but if you have watched Indiana Jones’s movies or National Treasure movies, you will notice that the style is similar. Fights using elements from the place they are, smart moves, lots of luck, comedy in between, a lot of trash talking.

Tom can be a savage like Jason Statham, just look how he beat those bullies in The Devil All The Time.

Thanks Anon! 🥰

I agreed with everything you said! I actually like that Indiana Jones style of fighting lol 😆 It's fun and funny! 😁

I actually loved the Goblin fight also! I know Anon mentioned the punches not landing in some shots, but imo, that's more so a problem perhaps with the camera angle or smthg. The punches are NOT supposed to land! Lol 😆 If you literally punch your costar for REAL, I don't think he's gonna be too happy rofl 😂

Anyway, different strokes for different folks... 🤷🏾‍♀️

10 notes · View notes

criticaaaaaaaal · 2 years

Text

hm i know we all like drawing macaque in pretty outfits and making wukong look like a trash goblin but. cmon. we KNOW its the opposite. wukong literally puts on eyeliner. man probably plucks his eyebrows. his armor is always polished. macaque looks like he crawled out of hell with scraggly eyebrows and messy fur. he squints in the sunlight because its “too bright” for his vampire ass

#lego monkie kid #shadowpeach #..........my two cents ........#critical watches monkie kid

269 notes · View notes

weaselbeaselpants · 2 years

Text

The revelation that Philip and Caleb were orphans in an uncaring town does fit into my current sadboy takeaway of Philip, not gonna lie:

The way I see it, Philip had no guidance, ever. He learned his trade - tricking people, using people's trust and not caring abt their feelings - all on his own. The only person he ever loved was his brother, who was also a literal child like him and shouldn't have been expected to raise a kid when he himself was one. Philip is an honest to goodness manchild as the only guidance he ever relied on were his childhood dreams of fitting in and being accepted and looked up to as a witch hunter with his big bro. He can not ever let that go because that's all he knows. Even when his brother grew out of it, he couldn't.

This is why in every AU idea I have for him, Philip is less evil when he has proper guidance, but never actually a good person like Caleb actually is. Philip's too much of path' to ever love someone without totality or something he can benefit from - he's all sus. Real Rick and Morty vibes with this one.

-> -> -> inb4 all the AUs of the Wittebros never coming to Gravesfield but instead falling right into the Isles; Caleb still is golden-good boy and Philip's still tearing up shit like the trash goblin he truly is. @jess-the-vampire

#philip wittebane #toh phillip wittebane #caleb wittebane #wittebane brothers #the owl house

95 notes · View notes

darlingandmreames · 1 year

Photo

It’s 2023, cringe is dead, and I’m drawing OCs babeyyyy

His name is DJ and he’s havin’ a Bad Fuckin’ Time, lads

#oc DJ #literally the first oc I've had in years and he makes my brain go brrrrrr #I had a lot of fun with the colour in this! I want to try to branch out/experiment more this year :3c #local trash goblin draws

4 notes · View notes

shameboree · 1 year

Note

ATTIC GOBLIN ?

YEAH SO when we moved in there was like this wadded up pair of pink panties in the basement that hadnt been there a few days before when we did our final walkthrough or whatever right. and then my fuzzy socks would go missing and some leggings and then our fucking FORKS which were DISCONTINUED so we cant even replace them!!!!! also the toilet paper would run out like super fast and i drink A Lot of diet dr pepper so i DO pee a lot but this was just fucken ridiculous!!!!! anyway so our one old roommate suggested ghost but me n polks were like fuck off this is OUR house!!

anyway so one day im slumped down on the couch w earbuds in having a good time and my friend kos comes downstairs to brew his sleepy ass some fresh shit tier coffee at like 5pm on a weekday. tbh i was talking about one of my homebrew blorbos being harassed and having just a great time with it so i didnt want to speak to anyone and just EXTREMELY avoided eye contact n sank as deep as i could into the bigass pillows of our honestly very nice goodwill upper middle class grandma couch. the point of that is when you walk downstairs and turn into the kitchen you cant really see me at this angle and i am DEAD SILENT bc my keyboard was apparently made of marshmallows or smth AND im metal gear box stealth mode trying to not be noticed here so i can talk about my barbies being menaced uninterrupted.

SO because of all that when kos came back downstairs for his coffee which had been brewing for probably not very long but i was in the Blorbo Zone where time is fake so i couldnt in good faith give an estimate he did NOT see me. well while hes in the kitchen puttering around i just start losing my shit on account of my blorbarbies in agonies brings me Such Joys and i think this startled him so bad he has to take a stress shower because i heard the bathroom door SLAM and the water start running. at some point after this polks comes home from work and starts pissed off nagging us over WHO MADE THIS COFFEE MESS IN MY KITCHEN!! kos comes downstairs for the Commotions and apparently the coffee pot was sitting on the counter with some fresh coffees while the rest of it fresh waterfalled all into our silverware and pots n pans spaces HOWEVER!! MYSTERY TIME!! he has not been downstairs since he started brewing his trash sludge.

INTERMISSION: THINGS TO NOTE ABOUT OUR HOUSE: the back door is literally INCHES from the downstairs bathroom. the attic is not a panel or ceiling access its just a door right by all our bedroom doors and it wont latch which was So Annoying bc the cats were UNREASONABLE THIRSTY to get up there so we had to install a loop n hook latch to keep it shut but whichever one of us did that goofed it up pretty bad bc the door is still perpetually cracked open like probably a full inch and a half. id love to take the credit for this but i think it was polks who is absolutely phenomenal at fucking up installations of things. OTHER NOTABLE THINGS ABOUT POLKS: her single biggest fear on this planet is shit like Crawlspace Man. just Some Guy living in your home without you knowing. also we have a dark little crawlspace down in the basement, for ambience

MOVING ON at this point i still dont give a shit about anything happening around me because i am inflicting sufferings upon my from scratch blorbo BUT my brain is putting the pieces together which i then immediately do a toddler vs 1000 piece puzzle it took you a year to assemble and just totally waste that shit from my thinkspace bc i wanna play DOLLS instead. polks and kos are also putting their little pieces together but they are Not braindead dipstick idiots like yours truly so they decide to check the whole haus bottom up, starting with the crawlspace. great news! the crawlspace is empty!! other older news: i def heard the cabinet ruining coffee fuckuper come down from upstairs.

i forgot to mention that for this househunt polks armed herself with our fucking broom and was wielding it handle side out because It Has Reach and a knife would Escalate The Situation. anyway they make their way upstairs and i am doing absolute jackshit nothing to help because, again, i am fucking brain poisoned to prioritize oc cummies over every single thing on this planet. its in my fucking genetic code. so while im fuckin useless theyre up there talking about how fucking weird this is and scuffling around or whatever but the second they go into the attic its dead silent and NOT because they go silent but because the attic is some fucked up sound void and past the first 3 steps you can hear total fuck all from outside. at this point my little toddler brain realizes this puzzle is actually indestructible so when kos and polkie are out of the void audible again i Already Knew i had to start being a fucking adult instead of playing barbies which DID feel like a personal affront.

tbh i dont even remember how polks reacted bc i was so CMON MAN!! at our attic dweller for cucking me bc now i gotta call the fuckin cops AND change the locks AND i still gotta get up at 420 in the mother blessed am for work, so basically this entire stunt was a hate crime against me specifically.

we dont really go in our attic much and never even bothered fetching the cats when they went up there but we HAD been up there before so when i went up there and saw fuckin blankets and takeout containers and also some clothes stuffed into drafty holes it was like, kind of Obvious that yeah some bitch was stealing my forks and not paying rent and eating all my toilet paper and FOR SOME REASON had the audacity to ALSO go ahead and pour out a cup of coffee in BROAD DAYLIGHT while we were OBVIOUSLY HOME. the fucking NERVE!!

so!! thats our Event that i honestly forget happened most of the time. we actually refer to them as Attic Dobby i think on account of my THIEVED socks but then of course attic dobby became sexy dobby as is the natural progression of things. we have many big tity dobbie drawings around the house and we love to show them to guests. i may have lost some forks i cant fucking replace so ill never have a matching set again BUT now my house has so many slutty big tit thong and louboutin adorned dobbys that kos and i have bonded so much over drawing that it all evens out in the end and i definitely dont get mad about the forks ever. less important than dobbys big naturals but still notable: exposure therapy works as polks no longer has the Crawlspace Man Terrors!

#LONG POST #i went off the fucking RAILS here i think. im runnin on 3hrs babes!!#ill share some sexie dobbi pics one day bc i know youre all BURNING for this content now #real sorry for people who follow me for shit like. cute kid shows. this is just Me #kels talks #im not fucking proof reading this shit im going to fucking BED #ANYWAY ANNA I HOPE U ENJOY THIS STORYTIME

48 notes · View notes

magicxc · 7 months

Text

Hills and Valleys

Synopsis: Legend has it that Halloween is strictly for the scares. With ghouls and goblins, vampires and werewolves, witches and broomsticks, who could disagree?

However, all this friend group wanted was a little trick or treat. Sprinkle in a few party favors, loud music, and a cabin in the woods, the myth was bound to come true.

Lurking around the corner is danger like never before, eager to bring this night to a bloody finish.

So join these friends as they fight to make it through a Halloween they’ll never forget, proving that "the scare" is more than just a fantasy.

Word Count: 2640

Warnings: gut punch....right in the feels, lots of blood this chapter

Chapter 4 - Stephanie’s POV

Series Masterlist

“Shut up, all of you,” Jason yelped. “Every minute we spend here is a minute more that sick freak has the upper hand, possibly plotting.

“And unless one of you can squeeze through those bars, the only way we’re getting out of here is through that door,” Em chimed in.

“Lorenzo, think man, does your family keep a spare key anywhere around here?”

“Uhh ye- yeah, I think so. Hell if I know where it could be at this point Jason.”

“Where is it usually?” Em asks.

“By a rack near the back door.”

“There were no keys when I checked back there,” Jason pointed out. “Fuck, we need to get moving NOW.

Honestly the only thing I feel is pure, white, hot rage pulsing through my veins right now. My anger has seen many people on the receiving end of my quick witted insults, and Lenny was no exception tonight - though I have to make a mental note to apologise later. Clearly I'm not level headed, even on a good day, and this high stress situation is only making it worse. Im not the friend for logical thinking, Im the friend that fucks shit up; so I murmur a quick thank you to the military man for rounding us altogether and making things a little more seamless.

Quick to dish out orders, he directs Lenny to the master bedroom to try and get some signal, Em to the second bedroom, himself to the kitchen and living room, me to the bathroom and any miscellaneous closet doors, while Lynn works on picking the deadlock.

I all but race to the bathroom, flicking on the light switch to get an idea of exactly what can help us in here.

Rummaging through the cabinet for anything sharp, I can’t even remember what it is that I’m supposed to be looking for - my mind aimlessly wondering about while my body ransacks this poor bathroom.

Pill bottles flying in the air, creams toppled over, and shower curtains screeching open, it’s only until my fist lands against the wall does it dawn on me that all I’ve done is trashed the damn place.

One of my best friends is lying face down in a watery grave and I can't even keep it together long enough to do something about it; it’s pathetic really.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been unfazed, anger rearing its ugly head in place of the rest of my emotions. And this time is no different. There's a literal animal out there hunting people down and I'm supposed to what, sit down and cry about it? No, that can come later. Just this once, I’d like to help my friends out the same way they’ve helped me. My walls have been crumbling since the day they walked into my life, so the very least I can do is find us a way out of here.

Head planted against the bathroom wall, I take a couple deep breaths in and slowly blow them out, repeating this a few more times. I'm no good to anyone in a state of fury but I’ll be damned if five people cant find a way out of a fucking house - what type of looney toons shit is that.

Sliding my fist down the wall and at my side, I take a careful look around for something that could help us open up the door, keys be damned at this point.

Is ammonia strong enough to melt the bars, I think to myself. Shaking my head, I put it back, noting that all I'd do is suffocate us. Taking on another search of the room, I come across more cleaning solutions, soaps, and tissue boxes of sorts.

Fingertips drumming against the counter tops, I try to think of a way to freedom with a tube of toothpaste - throwing it in the trash bin when I come up empty.

Frustration threatens to rise once more and for the sake of it, I march toward the tub just to make sure every base is covered, stopping dead in my tracks as I hit what feels to be a goldmine. There’s a small window in the wall of the tub, bar-free and screaming out to me. How didn’t I see it before is beyond me, but now isn’t the time for questions.

Lips curling upward, I muster up a small smile at my new revelation and get inside to check it out.

Stepping in the tub, I notice that it’s a bit smaller up close, somewhere around 24x18 if I had to guess. Hands gliding across the smooth panel, I reach for the latch and pull it across to see if it’ll open.

Eyes crinkling at the corners I almost let out a happy dance right then and there; small bits of breeze whipping against my clammy skin in newfound hope.

Sizing up the window, I edge closer to the pane, standing on tippy toes to assess the outside. From the angle of the house, the bathroom lines up with the kitchen which is right out of view of the front yard. So, if whoever hurt Julez is still lurking around, they’re more than likely focused on the front and back doors, giving us somewhat of an element of surprise.

Dammit, all those leaves on the ground are sure to give it away though, I sigh. There’s nothing that cuts through the quiet quite like that.

Maybe we can form a bit of a distraction, I think. Have Lynn and Jason make lots of commotion at the front door while two or three of us sneak out the window.

And then there’s the height, another thought creeps in. This window is shoulder length at best so whoever climbs through will more than likely need a boost. And not to mention the small size. It’s not ideal for the average person to squeeze through.

"Ahhhh fuck," I screamed; palm slamming against the damp wall.

It's like we take two steps forward and four steps back with this shit. And the lake house? Lenny’s parents are gonna have to see me personally once we get out of here cause what the actual hell is the point of barricading oneself inside like this? Even though Lynn was dead ass wrong, it does make you wonder what exactly went on in here.

Fuck it, I didn't just find possibly the only way out of the house just to squander this opportunity. Someone is gonna fit through this window and get us the hell out of here come hell or high water - and just to be clear, I am the hell AND the high water.

So first things first, none of the guys broad shoulders stand a chance of getting through there. Lynn is on the thicker side of things, so that leaves me and Em. It’ll still be a tight squeeze, but I think we could make it work.

"I’ve never been more grateful for a flat ass till now," I mumbled.

Lenny will give us a boost, we’ll climb through, start the car, and drive til we get enough cell signal to call the police. Ohhh, we should also grab a knife or something just to be safe.

Digging into my pockets, jaws clenched in concentration, my fingers slither over everything from gum to lip gloss, until it finally slithers over that familiar bumpy texture.

Blowing out a breath of relief, I fish the spray out of my pockets and mouth a thanks to the heavens for having this with me. Pepper gel: my bestest friend of all, especially on late nights when I have to walk back to my car after a double shift.

“Yessss, at least this’ll buy us enough time and space away from that freak if we come across them,” I murmured.

It seems all my boxes are checked off, so I close the window, lock it back, and get ready to tell the group my grand plan. Whew, I'm just itching at the idea of this night finally coming to an end. Shit, who knows the kind of people we’ll be once this is all over.

Will we grow closer or will this night show us that somehow our friend group isn’t strong enough to withstand all this crap. Maybe for once I won’t have to spend my days apologising to everyone, but can actively work on keeping us together. That sick fuck may have taken out one of us, but I’ll be damned if I let them be the reason we separate. These people, my friends- no my family is what I look forward to when I picture my life old and gray, so I need us to get through this crappy night in one piece.

Turning on my heels, I make my way toward the edge of the bathtub, one leg halfway over until the person at the door stops me in my tracks.

“Geeze, you scared me,” I sighed, hands clutching my chest. “I never really pegged you for such a quiet walker.

Stepping out of the tub entirely, I continue to the door, arms flailing in the air as I go on to lay out the plan.

“Now, here’s where you come in -“

My words get cut off by the swift motion. I see it before I feel it and by the time my body has a chance to catch up to what's going on, blood starts gushing from my neck; my nervous system finally registering how sharp the pain is.

Dropping to my knees, a voiceless scream tears through my throat; pathetic gasping the only sound I can muster up as my hands fly to my neck to stop the never ending downpour.

The pain is excruciating and the blood oozes through my fingers quicker than I can stop it. My head feels dizzier by the minute and the grip on my wound loosens by the second.

Eye contact between us two never cease and I see a hint of a smile threaten to creep up, washed away by the stumbling on the staircase. They dash out of the door, closing it behind them while I sink further into the tiled floor; fear putting me in a metaphorical chokehold as I put myself into a literal one.

I hear Lenny’s booming footsteps burst through what feels like every door but mine; panic sourcing through me as I now feel cold sweat line my forehead.

He finally pops in, that goofy grin instantly dropping once he takes in the scene.

Disheveled, Lenny combs his hands through his hair, a big indicator of when he feels most stressed. And I would be too, but motherfucker I’m on the floor, help me dammit - is what I really want to say, though it doesn’t quite come out the way I intend it to.

Rushing over to me, Lenny starts shouting but I can barely stay tuned; my body threatening to dip out of consciousness.

“Oh shit, oh shit, shit,” he hissed. “Steph it’s gonna be alright, I just need you to hold on for a minute.”

There’s a thick, course cloth that wraps around me, and I feel like a baby being swaddled. The warmth that runs down my body soothes it from the chilly air and all I want to do is take a nap, wrapped in Lenny’s strong arms; if only to relieve myself from the hangover that’s sure to come. The blanket feels a little too tight and thankfully I don’t have to tell him to loosen it.

“AYEEEEEEEEE,” he screeched. “YOU GUYS GET IN HERE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.”

Eyes steadily closing, sleep seems like the best course of action right now. All I need is a little break. Just a quick nap and then we can find a way out of here.

“Steph, baby talk to me,” he shakes me. “Who did this to you?”

It’s the horde of screaming that annoys me most of all. Can’t they see I’m trying to sleep?

Head slumped to the side, I see everyone gathered by the doorway, terror etched onto each face but one. That motherfucking bitch.

They did this. Fuck the window and the plan, Lenny the person you need to worry about is right in front of you. At least that’s what I’d like to think I said.

Holding me tighter in his arms Lenny shushes me, rocking us back and forth, desperately urging me to save my voice and energy until we can get some help.

This is it isn’t it? The look on everyone's face says it; or hopes for it. There’s nothing about the chilling screams and the panicked pacing that brings me comfort. This right here is where my story ends. I'm decades away from the gray life I imagined I’d live out, tears brimming over at the idea.

Feet splashing through the blood and plopping beside me, it's Lynn whose voice I manage to make out; she and Lenny drowned out by my loud heartbeats.

“I don’t fucking know Lynn, for goodness sake make yourself useful.”

“Both of you shut up,” Jason barks. “Dude tell me you got enough service to get us some hel- to get Steph some help.”

Wrapped tightly in Lennys arms, I feel myself losing the battle with consciousness. I’ve lost probably about half my blood, the room is spinning and I can’t for the life of me remember why I’m on the bathroom floor.

Eyes darting around the room, they land on the culprit and the salty tears flow freely. Mustering up the last bit of energy I have left, I manage to point my index finger, as best I can, at the perpetrator.

Get that mother fucker and get the hell out of dodge is what I try to say, but all that comes out is this wet, gurgled plea for help. Between the rocking and the chaos, no one notices my last ditch effort and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs.

I’m scared, fuck I’m so scared. There’s this saying that goes something along the lines of one day we all went outside and played with our neighborhood friends for what we didn’t realise would be the last time. Who would’ve thought the same would apply here?!

Who would’ve thought this would be our last ever party. My last time promising to be back home before the sun rises to my dad. The last time Lenny and I would banter for the sake of it. The last time Em and I bonded over similar tastes. Or the last time we’d tease Lynn about her endless boyfriends. Had I known this would be the last time I’d see Julez, I would’ve hugged her a little tighter.

This friend group has been all that and more for me. They’re literally the siblings I’ve never had. They’ve accepted me wholly and at the same time made me more considerate. They’ve been my literal shoulders to cry on and have seen me through every emotion there is. So why can’t they see me point this motherfucker out? Please! Let me at least do this one last thing for y’all. Please, don't let this final attempt be in vain.

Tears stopping and blood slowing, my muscles slacken while my lips manage one final, small smile; hoping that in the future they’ll at least pour one out for the homie once they make it out of here safely.

Although this was no doubt painful, I hope what awaits me on the other side feels much similar to being carried to your bedroom when you were a child and fell asleep on the couch during a family party; hoping most of all that I can still hear the laughter and the noise from the next room.

#Emmy Writes #Emmy Tries #Spooky Szn #Halloween Kills #Halloween Series #Halloween #Hills and Valleys #Original Story and Characters #Horror #are you crying?#cause I am #RIPPPP

10 notes · View notes