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ofwizardsandmen · 4 years

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Maybe

College AU

Maybe being more than just friends with isn’t as impossible as their insecurities made them believe every other day.

Pairing: Tara x Mark

Word count: 2k

The smell of freshly roasted coffee beans hits Tara’s nostrils as soon as she walks into M’s café. It’s early in the morning and the place is almost empty except for —obviously and as per usual— M, a girl in the far end corner of the shop and a middle-aged man standing by the cashier.

Tara takes her spot in her favorite table next to the wall and starts placing her stuff on the table when the entrance door flies open and a hooded figure trots in. A smile forms on Tara’s lips but vanishes when the man pushes the hood, revealing blond strands of hair. Huffing in disappointment, she pouts slightly and goes back to the task of taking her laptop off her vintage Dior mini travel bag. Yet, she’s interrupted once again when the blond guy greets her from the counter

“Hi, Tara, what can I serve you today?” Sungjae doesn’t say it, but Tara swears he feels tempted to ask what’s wrong with her face because she’s fully aware of how deadly pale and sick she looks this morning.

“A double espresso, please.” She says simply as she opens her laptop. “With a spoon of arsenic, if possible” She adds, making Sungjae and herself chuckle.

“Ugh, sorry. Still haven’t found a way to merge the coffee shop with a dark apothecary” M joins the conversation once the middle-aged man picks his coffee and walks out. “It’s just 8 am, it might not be that bad”

“Do you even know who my brother is-?” Tara begins and Sungjae groans at the simple mention of Tyler Lee

“Ok, correction” He interrupts “It can be that bad”

Tara nods in agreement and places her elbows on the table “It was and I truly believed it’d be better now that he’s a university student, but he’s worse” She lets out a deep sigh before she returns to her laptop and Sungjae moves to prepare her coffee, but M remains on the very same spot looking at her hesitantly, as though he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t push himself to.

Noticing his eyes on her, Tara contemplates the options. She could as well say nothing, move on and continue to feel miserable or she could talk to someone —M, for example—, get things off her chest and be miserable afterward.

“To the hell with it, I hate Tyler, he’s just so freaking immature and believes I’m some dumb teenager who doesn’t know what she’s doing or is stupid enough to let people take advantage of her.” Tara almost feels as though the heavy burden that stopped her from breathing properly has finally been released, but the feeling is short-lived once the memories of the previous night assault her thoughts for the umpteenth time that day. “And he is so rude. I am so embarrassed he’s my brother. Can I die so I don’t have to go to class?” She whines, burying her face in her hands.

“Wow, I didn’t know it was this bad” M meditates his words for a brief moment before going on “I wouldn’t know since I don’t have any sisters, but maybe he just feels responsible for whatever happens to you, so-“

“So he had to embarrass me in front of my-“ Another word is about to come off Tara’s lips, but she stops herself “my classmate”

A small knowing smile makes its way onto M’s lips, but Tara is already too engrossed in telling the story of how her brother made a scene after finding Mark in her apartment, to notice.

“I don’t know what he has in that perverted brain of his, but we were literally studying, we were doing the whole table full of books and cup of coffee in hand, and he still had the nerve to accuse Mark of planning and I quote him “take advantage of my innocence”. What am I? A 4-year-old?” Tara vents, huffing every once in a while to express her frustration. “Mark probably hates me now” she sighs this time “Tyler was awful to him, I wouldn’t blame him if he never wants to hang out with me again”

“Oh, come on, have you ever seen the way he-“ Sungjae stops mid-sentence and trying to act as casual as the slight blush on his face allows him to, he places the cup of coffee on the counter. “I mean, no. Why would you think that?”

“Because Mark was supposed to be here to finish our group assignment, like half of an hour ago and he’s nowhere to be seen, so-“

“He probably overslept” M interrupts this time as he places the coffee on Tara’s table.

“He’s never late,” Tara says matter-of-factly. “I even came late on purpose”

“Maybe he forgot?” Sungjae ventures from the cashier.

“Maybe he doesn’t want anything to do with someone who is treated like a little child by her idiotic brother?”

“Oh, come on Tara” M clicks his tongue reprovingly “Where’s your positive mindset?”

“Buried along with my will to live and my dignity,” Tara says after sipping from the cup of coffee. “And the chances to keep Mark as a friend”

“I don’t think Mark had taken him too seriously” M chuckles, holding back the desire to tell Tara that probably the last thing Mark wants is to keep her as a mere friend, but he would never ghost her for such dumb incident.

Not like he knows him a whole lot either, but judging by all the times he has seen them at the cafe together, it appears to him (and everybody really) that Mark has the biggest crush on Tara.

“It is painfully obvious how little you know Tyler and how much you trust people’s good intentions” Tara comments.

“No, I mean, he’s about to walk in” M says, pointing outside with his chin.

Seconds later Mark steps into the coffee shop rubbing his hands and shuddering the slightest bit. M mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like “good luck” and walks away, leaving Tara to panic internally on her own.

The young woman pretends not to notice Mark’s presence and instead she fake reads something from the screen of her laptop.

“Hey” Mark skips a more cordial greeting, but Tara ignores it because she keeps pondering whether she should say something about what happened last night or not “I’m sorry I’m late, Jaehyun and I went to the gym and I really needed a shower,” he says touching his nape clumsily.

The thought of Mark being unable to look at her in the eyes briefly crosses her mind, but Tara doesn’t want to deal with the implications just now, so she forces herself to look up and plaster a smile on her face.

“Oh, it’s fine. I just got her-” Tara lies, but whatever she was planning to say next dies in her throat the moment she makes a double-take and notices Mark’s wet hair sticking to his forehead. “Uh- shall we start working? We only have like two hours to finish Mr. Vincent’s paper and-“

“Well, yes I wanted to talk about it-“ Mark says, pulling a folder from his messenger bag and placing it on the table “I already completed it with the info you got yesterday. You can read it and make corrections if you wish.”

“Mark, you shouldn’t have-“ Tara doesn’t know if she’s reading the situation correctly, but it appears to her that Mark couldn’t bear the idea of working with her, so he decided to pull an all-nighter and avoid being stuck with her this morning. Frankly, it is understandable considering Tyler had threatened to “destroy his life” (whatever that meant) if he ever saw him near his sister again, but that doesn’t stop Tara from feeling a void in the chest.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. We all stayed up last night at the frat” Mark says, pulling an empty chair out the table.

Tara unconsciously bits the inside of her cheek before picking the cup of coffee and downing its content as Mark sits across.

The strong flavor of the espresso almost feels sweet when it hits Tara’s palate. Or probably it is in comparison to the bitter taste that Mark’s words have left in her mouth.

“Jungwoo has a big exam this morning and we wanted to show support.” Mark’s smile is so disheartening to watch that Tara distracts herself closing the laptop and taking her coin purse out of her pocket “I even started the assignment for the Modern British drama course.”

“That’s great,” She says insincerely, hoping to make a smooth transition that allows her to leave without rising suspicion.

“Maybe you can read it later and give me your feedback” Mark suggests hopefully, his eyes widening slightly behind the round reading glasses he’s wearing this morning.

“Sure, why not?” Tara slides her laptop back in the Dior bag. “Since the assignment is done, I think I might get going, I promised Enzo I’d help him to study for a test” She stands up with as much grace as she can muster, which truthfully is not a whole lot given the sleepless night she went through. “I’ll see you later, Mark.”

“Tara, wait!” Mark’s voice even makes the girl in the back turn to look at him, but it takes him a few seconds to register he has moved to grab Tara’s hand in an attempt to stop her from leaving. “I was hoping we could hang out.“ He says after clearing his throat "I mean, we’ve been studying non stop the past weeks and-“ Once he notices Tara’s face flushing, he slowly releases her hand. “I thought we could… maybe… catch the morning screening of Little Women”

Tara unsuccessfully attempts to hide the excitement when she listens to the last two words, but she’s already beaming when she nods her head eagerly and claims she’d love to and that she had been planning to watch the movie with Enzo over the weekend. Mark’s face falls a bit after hearing that name for the second time, but he ignores the jab of jealousy kicking him in the gut.

“By the way…” Tara begins once she sits back down. She hesitates for a brief moment but eventually gathers the courage to go on. “I’m sorry about last night. My brother… he can be a real jerk sometimes.” She makes a pause and corrects herself after realizing that ‘sometimes’ is a bit of an understatement. “Better said, most of the time and I’m so-”

“Don’t even say it” Mark says solemnly, his face growing serious and eyes boring into hers. “It really wasn’t your fault and I might understand where he was coming from. It was really late and it wasn’t right for me to be there.”

“Mark, you are my friend and we were studying, it was more than ok for you to be there. You did nothing wrong.”

“Yeah, right” Mark feels as though Tara had slapped him, but it is probably exactly the realization of being only a friend to her what makes him bold enough to say the next words “But what if he thought I wasn’t just a regular friend?”.

“It would still be off-limits for my brother to act like a jerk. In fact, if you were more than just a friend it would be even worse he treated you that way” Tara says the last sentence a bit too vehemently, making Mark smile widely.

He doesn’t add anything, but he thinks that perhaps Jaehyun and Johnny are not too mistaken when they affirm Tara wouldn’t say no if he asked her out.

Maybe being more than just friends with her isn’t as impossible as his insecurities made him believe every other day.

And maybe, just maybe, he is willing to put up with her brother and his meddling even if that means he will probably have to be on the receiving end of his wrath.

Maybe it all be worth if he gets to see Tara smiling brightly at him, like she is right now, every day.

#mark #story #tara #moodboard #otp #college au #oc #sungjae #m

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spicy-dunkaroo · 3 years

Text

Taking Power Back (One-Shot)

♫Now Playing: “Taking Power Back” by Spicy Dunkaroo…♪

❀ Word Count: 5k

❀ Rating: Mature, 18+, Minors Do Not Interact (please)

❀ Genre: One Shot (Not sure how to explain this haha)

❀ Summary: (Writing Prompt) Mora’s job was to take away the powers of supervillains as they’re admitted to jail. For a few years, she’d been reselling these powers to interested bidders on the side - no questions asked. Today, a prisoner showed up with a power so unusual, she decided to take it for herself.

❀ Warning(s): Please read!! Dark Content ☠, Mentions of Murder, Attempted Murder, Implied Childhood Abuse, Implied Bullying, Swearing, etc.

❀ Author's Note: Hello everyone!! This will be my first story/one-shot of hopefully many other more positive ones lol. Credit for the prompt goes to u/totoropengyou on reddit for the writing prompt!! Just want to warn you all once more if you skipped over the warnings, this is a dystopian world that's fucked up. Please read with caution.

☟❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀☟

Everyday seems the same as the one before it. Same coworkers at the same job, not to mention the same shitty work Mora has to do to get paid.

Her job is to extract the powers of crooked criminals that somehow ended up in the nation's most secure penitentiary. Why? Well, if it weren’t for her, most of these monsters would have probably destroyed the government and Gods know what else.

Somedays, Mora finds it easier to sleep at night when she doesn’t think of the ‘what-if’s’ of not taking on the government position, if she screwed up, and what if she was any less moral than she already was.

That’s not to say that she was any sort of ‘holier than thou’ being that had mankind's well-being as top priority. The job doesn’t pay her enough to be so kind to the shitty world she’s lived in for the last 19 years. There probably isn’t enough money in the world for Mora to change her ways now, now when the temptation has become that much sweeter.

Sure, maybe she could be helping the world out by not selling the quirks to the highest bidder every Friday night. But in all honesty, who gives a damn? Yes, the government would and probably would punish her to the highest degree, and most citizens wouldn’t be too pleased. Why be mad at her though? It’s the buyer's fault for throwing hundreds of millions of dollars for just one of the many powers she extracts from those crooks everyday. Most of them aren’t too bad, they at least seem nice with the weekly gift baskets and extravagant gifts they throw her way in hopes of getting a nifty power before it’s on the floor the following Friday night.

Then again, you’d never expect those who were begging to be in Mora’s favor to be in the positions they are.

If it’s any consolation, most of those bidders can’t even infuse the power within their own bodies without risky surgery and the high chance of dying.

See, nearly 70% of all humans born in this ‘age of power’ are gifted with one of the four types of abilities. There’s fight, flight, freeze, and then there’s the unknown fourth type, probably the most rare of them all, mutants. As they are listed, 43% of these humans have the fight type, 32% have the flight, 20% have freeze, and less than 5% have the mutation type. Despite this, research says that you have a good chance of walking past a human with the mutation type of power at least once in your life without knowing it. Since there have always seemed to be so few ‘mutants’ as they call them, there's not much information on the different variations of the ability outside of that they don’t fit in the category of the other three.

Lucky for Mora, she happens to be one of the very few with the mutation power. Her’s happened to be perfect for her government assignment as well as for her side business.

The government took it upon themselves to name this “company” Vera. Mora wasn’t too sure why this was outside of the Latin meaning of the word (truth), like some sort of ‘holier than thou’ complex she presumed.

Though there have been struggles with her ability. Since there has been little research done, nobody knew how to teach her to hone her skill. Not her teachers, advisor, biological parents, or her other parents in the past. Despite this, Mora feels that she has a pretty good idea how her power works now.

Did she ever dream about extracting a part of most humans' identity as her ‘ideal job’? Of course not, when she was growing up she dreamed about being a rockstar, firefighter, or a damn teacher, anything but the hell she’s had to live through day in and day out.

Since she was assigned her power type, she moved from one home to another, left one school after the next, and was always called a mutant. Although she wasn’t sure exactly when the government began to really lock their sights on her, she was heavily reminded of the fucked up world she lived in once she graduated high school. There were only ever two options for her. Look out for everyone else, or look out for herself.

When you’re asked if you’d be willing to become a human lab rat or work as an official government officer, just about anybody wouldn’t have thought twice about that choice. Though there are a few poor motherfuckers that wanted what was best for humanity. To that Mora thanks them for giving her the ability to have a choice. Besides that, screw humanity. The criminals on the street aren’t the monsters you’re told live in the darkness, the ones in your closet, or the ones hiding under your bed. No, sometimes those monsters are a lot closer to you, and they’re not there to protect you.

It’s a real dog-eat-dog world on both sides of the door. So look out for yourself, that’s the only way you can survive. Despite learning this throughout her whole life, Mora lived by the only saying she could remember from her time with her father.

‘Don’t let anything in this world tear you down. It’ll be tough, sure, but you deserve to pursue your happiness as much as anyone else because you’re a fighter- a winner! Never let anyone make you feel like anything less than the champion you are.’

Though she never understood what her father meant when she first heard it, now it’s one of the only few thoughts that seem to brighten her day as she looks back on her more fond memories of growing up.

Even now, as Mora sits in the holding room, it appears to be the only thought that can take her out of the mindfuck that was currently her train of thought as she regretfully remembered her last patient.

If Mora had the freedom her fellow peers had back in high school, she always thought she might have wanted to go to college to become a doctor. These happier possibilities help Mora to separate herself from her gruesome work. So regarding these scum of the earth beings as ‘patients’ helps to block off the blood-curdling screams that echoed in the walls many hours after they were moved to their prison cells.

As Mora begins to think of her perfect life, a knock is heard at the door, quickly followed by the door swiftly

“You okay in there Spe?”

“Oh, it’s just you Timentes. You scared me for a second there, also, please stop with the formalities. You know how much I hate my birth-given name. At least call me Griseo if you have to.”

“You know the rules, officially I can’t call you by your revised name, at least in front of others that is.”

“Then could you at least call me Mora in private?”

As she says this, Mora pats a spot before her at the small table, deciding to sit herself in the patients chair as she sees what they always saw before she conducted her ‘surgeries’ on them.

“Fine, fine, but only because you’re the most tolerable person in this hell hole.”

“Damn right I am! Ain’t nobody gonna take that title away from me haHA!”

“You worry me sometimes, Moralis.”

“Aww, is that your secret way of telling me you’re thinking about me? I’m touched, really, but I don’t think I can say the same about you, no offense.”

Timentes dramatically gasps as he places his right hand onto his bullet-proof gear, leaning back as he begins to speak once more.

“Offense completely taken. And here I was about to ask you out.”

“And by ‘ask me out’ you really mean make some instant ramen as we binge watch another anime this weekend? Because you know I can’t say no to that.”

“Which is why I always ask. You know you love our marathon nights! We- we might as well be a married couple with how often you stay the night.”

As Timentes says this, Mora notices the sudden change in demeanor, his cheeks becoming a brighter shade of pink of his stubbly face, the way his blue eyes dart away from her direction, and how she can clearly see how awkwardly cute his eyebrow quirks at his own words.

“I don’t think we fight enough to move that fast.”

‘If he won’t get the balls to actually ask me out, clearly we aren’t meant to be.’

Despite thinking this, Mora knew the real reason she was writing off her adorably shy co-worker. Mora knew she had to keep everyone at arm's length, regardless of her happiness in order to make it out of this world alive.

Mora rolls her eyes as she decides to change the topic.

“So...What did you come in here for? I know I’m a nice piece of eye candy, but you can’t let my womanly charms distract you from work. There’s only so many times I can cover for your ass.”

“R-Right...The next inmate will be coming in soon.”

“Okay? What’s wrong with him? Is he deranged? Violent? Or did he murder his family? Usually you don’t come to tell me about them in person either way.”

“The thing is… From what I’ve heard through the grapevine, this guy is something else.”

“Could you elaborate?”

“Well that’s the thing, I think it’s something about his power that nobody can figure out. We had to pull out all the stops just to restrain him. Who knows if he’s deranged or violent, apparently he took out 8 officers before he was apprehended.”

“Well, how’d they end up arresting this guy?”

“That’s the weirdest part, they didn’t.”

“They didn’t?”

“Well- they did but only after he surrendered.”

“You mean to tell me that this guy had more than enough man-power to escape, and yet after he was done screwing around he just- gave himself up?”

“Exactly.”

“So you’re telling me to be on high alert because you guys don’t know this guy's deal?”

“Yep. Everybody here knows how strong you are. But- you know the guys and I care about you, don’t you?”

“Yea yea, more like you’re worried this guy might catch my eye.”

“I’m being serious Mora… He's code 10.”

Despite feeling her nerves begin to creep up, Mora attempts to keep her composure as she blows Timentes off.

“I’m sure he’s not-”

Before she can finish her sentence, she hears a sudden thud, making her jump in her seat as she looks back over at the man before her.

“You and I both know there are no other inmates that are code 10. Hell, there hasn’t been a code 10 in years!”

Mora crosses her arms in disgust as she turns her head away without an answer.

“Oh Gods- Mora, I’m so sorry I just- I’m just worried about you-”

“Leave.”

“W-What? Lo-look I know I screwed up but-”

“I said leave. Go before you piss me off.”

Without another word between the two, Timentes stands up, hearing the metal chair scrape against the dull concrete floor, quietly turning to open the door behind him, the metal eye-sore loudly scratches against the frame and floor as it screeches open, and soon after slams back into its frame.

Mora can feel the tears begin to trickle down her cheeks as she refuses to look forward again. The memories of her past begin to flood in slideshow form as she feels a panic attack start up.

‘Damnit- Keep it together Griseo!’

As she thinks this, she wipes away the few tears that escaped her lids.

In the little time Mora had in isolation, juxtaposed to every other day, she’s able to calm herself down as she regains her composure once more.

Before she has a moment to breathe, the signaling of five knocks at the door are heard through the metal barrier as she is quick to stand up and move back over to her chair. She coughs in an attempt to drown out the dejected tone in her throat that was previously gripping at her vocal chords.

“C-Come in.”

Hearing this, three men step into the muted turquoise walls of Mora’s ‘office space’.

Two are wearing the familiar dark uniform, while one appears to be restrained in a black straight jacket.

Outside of the workers uniforms, most of their gear and restraints are color coordinated based on the risk factor code. Usually Mora only ever saw the white, orange, even the occasional red, but the most heavy duty of all was always.

‘Black? Timentes really wasn’t kidding when he said this guy was code 10.’

Mora begins to feel on edge as she stares at the man who appeared…average. The man stood at 6ft as he was seated in his chair, umber bangs seemed to be askew but still were able to hide his eyes completely. Minus a blistering red scar on his neck, the man before Mora looked like any other law abiding citizen. Although, based on the look of it, the scar appeared to be fresh.

As the two officers restrained the man further into his chair, Mora props her foot on the top of the table between them, waiting for the sound of locks to cease in its continuous echo.

Once the officers were finished, Mora waved them away dismissively, speaking up once she heard one of the two grip at the handle.

“Stand by and guard the door for me? I’m sure this won’t take long.”

As Mora looks back, the men both nod as they exit the suffocating room, leaving her with her newest patient.

Grabbing the clipboard that was left by one of the officers, Mora glances over at her patients health information, zeroing in toward the bottom of the page that listed his allergies, blood type, and ability type.

“Allergic to: None. Blood Type: AB-, let’s hope you don’t lose too much blood then.”

As Mora reads the final section, she notices there are many unprofessional scribbles with many question marks behind the possibility of what this man’s ability type was.

“So tell me, since you have nothing better to do, what is your power categorized as?”

Mora looks back up toward her patient as she waits for a response. After a moment if awkward silence fills the room, she speaks up once more.

“Here, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours, okay?”

Without a verbal or physical sign of agreement, Mora quickly gives in, but not before she has a bit of fun with him.

“I’ll give you a hint, it’s the reason why I have no chance at another job. Why I’ll be stuck under these assholes' thumbs till the day I die. Why I always hate it when my patients don’t cooperate. It just makes my job so much harder. Think that gives you an idea?”

There’s another moment of silence as Mora flimsily flips through the other pages of paperwork she’ll have to fill out after the surgery.

“Here, I’ll give you one more hint, but if you don’t answer this time, we’ll, you’ll feel soon enough how painful I can really make it.”

Mora sighs as she continues on once more.

“Kids used to call me ‘mutant’ back in school. I was always looked down upon because nobody knew who or what I was- no, more like they didn’t know how to scare me because I knew what they were capable of, while they were afraid of what I was- what I am.”

Hearing this, the man before her finally reacts, slowly moving his head up, for the first time looking Mora dead in the eyes.

She would be lying if she didn’t say that his stare didn’t scare her. It felt like he was carving her up with just his eyes as his mouth began to stretch into what appeared to be a smirk.

“So we’re the same then?”

Mora was taken aback by his sudden answer, noticing his voice was hoarse as he spoke. It takes her a moment to sort through her thoughts as she walks over toward the door, knocking twice.

In a matter of moments the red blinking light on the camera pointed at the man cease, signaling that nobody was watching them now. Mora walks back over toward the table, moving closer toward the man as she drops the volume of her voice to a whisper.

“So you’re a mutant type? No wonder those guys couldn’t handle you back there. Dumbasses don’t even know how to hold a gun half the time, much less deal with people unlike themselves.”

The man turns his head eerily as he looks back at Mora, seeming to drop his guard for a moment. This causes Mora to relax as she responds once more.

“I’m sure those guys haven’t been treating you well, are you thirsty?”

Nodding, the man smacks his lips at the lack of hydration. Walking back over to her side of the table, Mora grabs her bottle of water that sat by the legs of her cold chair. Once she grabs the half filled bottle, she walks back over toward the man as he appears to be pleading with his eyes in hopes of quenching his thirst.

“Now, since you’re restrained, I’m going to have to pour it into your mouth. If you want me to do that, I’m going to need you to promise that you won’t bite my finger or something, alright?”

The man shakes his head in response, this time appearing more eager than when he was brought in as he watched Mora’s fingers twist the cap off, titling the bottle toward him as he begins to open his mouth.

“Just to make sure, you aren’t going to bite me if I give you a drink?”

Looking back at the man once more, he shakes his head just as eagerly, giving Mora the scariest idea of ‘puppy-dog eyes’ she might have ever wished she could have unseen.

“Okay, I’ll try to be slow but let me know if it’s too much.”

Mora then places the top of the bottle onto the man's lip, beginning to pour the water into his mouth.

Despite her beliefs and her attitude toward those she called her ‘patients’, she couldn’t help but feel sympathy for the bastard. Mora is a lot of terrible terrible things, but knew she wasn’t some sort of cold monster that found satisfaction in others' pain. Especially since they had one thing in common, getting fucked over by the world because of who they were. The least she could do was show empathy for someone who seemed to have it worse than herself.

Before long, the man gulps down the remaining water, releasing the top from his mouth as Mora cautiously moves it away from him. Mora speak quietly once more as she twists the lid back on to the plastic bottle.

“Good, thank you for not trying to hurt me. You’d have no idea how many of these inmates would leap at the chance to do just that. It’s- it’s fucked up. Now… Since I feel safe enough to trust you, I think I should tell you something about why you’re in here with me…”

Mora looks away from the man as she feels guilt in what she knew she had to do. In the past, all she did was touch the patient and take away their power as she tried to block out their strained shrieks that made her ears bleed.

Now, because she extended an olive branch to this stranger, it made everything moving forward begin to feel all the more gut-wrenching. Despite this nauseating feeling that began to crawl up her throat, she felt it would be best to tell him the process, doctor to patient.

“I have to remove your ability from your body.”

As Mora says this, she works up the strength to push away her feelings of guilt by staring the man in the eyes as she broke the news.

“It’s an excruciatingly painful process and there is a 20% chance you could die before the procedure is complete.”

Mora could feel her strength begin to evaporate before her very eyes as she felt the bile crawl up her throat once more.

“In the event that that happens, I will still continue to extract your power from your body as emergency services attempt to revive you.”

‘Gods, I’m gonna fucking puke.’

“A-And I know you don’t have any choice in this, but- I’ll try to make it as painless as possible, and hopefully you won’t die.”

As she spoke, Mora can feel the tears begin to form in her eyes as her vision begins to blur. Before now, she was able to block off the painful wails of her past patients, feeling some pass on as she was forced to continue on with the procedure, Gods- somehow she was able to sleep at night before now.

She never thought too much about her power until now, but somehow, Mora became the grim reaper, selling strangers' souls to the highest bidder. The more she thought about it, the more she began to feel disgusted in herself for not realizing this for years! Maybe it was for her own sanity, or it was so she wouldn’t become a lab rat, but for some damn reason, she couldn’t forgive herself for acting so selfishly.

“I’m so sorry.”

Mora was at a loss for words as she felt a few tears begin to cascade down her cheeks as she forced her gaze at the man.

The pair sat in silence for what felt like hours, Mora eventually dropping her head in shame for what she had done and would have to do. Before long, the man speaks up.

“It’s not your fault. I deserve this. So please, don’t cry.”

Her breath is caught in her throat as she looks back up at the man. There was no reason for him to talk to comfort her when he was the one about to suffer. It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair for either of them. Before Mora can speak up in retaliation, the man speaks up once more.

“Before you take it away, could you do one thing?”

Mora nods energetically as she wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand, wiping her eyes with her knuckle in an attempt to give him her full attention.

“Whatever happens to me, could you please tell my family that everything they’ll need is in the basement?”

“I-I can!”

“Good good. I’m ready.”

In utter shock, Mora takes a moment before she stands up from her chair, clenching her fists in anger as she trudges toward the man.

Before Mora has a chance to rethink her decision, she places her hand on the man’s shiny bald head, forcing the breath she held to release as she began the surgery. As she does this, Mora can see the man attempting to restrain his howls of agony in the indescribable torture he must be feeling.

“I’m so sorry!”

As Mora says this, the man looks up at her, exhaling his last words as the process is nearly complete.

“Bring back peace.”

Mora’s bottom lip begins to quiver in guilt as she nods in response, not understanding the weight of the man's words.

After the procedure, Mora left early, deciding to get a breath of fresh air as she put it. Taking long strides in the direction of her home, she began to think back on the man’s words.

‘The hell did he mean by “Bring back peace”? Was he some sort of hippy that got into trouble? If that were the case then why was he a code 10?’

Mora’s thoughts continued to consume her attention as she failed to notice the looming shadow that didn’t seem to be too far behind her as it continued to stalk its prey.

‘Maybe he was a scapegoat? They didn’t really give me much information on his charges so he could have been some sort of cult leader for all we know. That- there was no way that could be it… So then, why-’

Suddenly, Mora was pulled from her thoughts as she felt a tug by her side. Before she had a chance to figure out what was happening, she felt her body being pulled away from the desolate streets and into a damp alleyway- pushed against what felt like a dirty brick wall as she felt a bit of her shirt tear.

In a mere few seconds, Mora went from walking home to suddenly being trapped in an alleyway between a brick wall and from what she could tell was a pistol as all she could see was the underside of the gun that was held against her forehead.

“Listen here bitch. If you so much as yell, I’m putting this entire magazine in your skull, ya got that?”

Without seeing another way out of this endeavor, Mora nodded as she looked toward the perpetrator, only able to recognize a scar that started at his top lip, continuing diagonally across, and ending a few centimeters away from his bottom lip. The assailant continued speaking as she felt her heart beating a mile a minute.

“Nobody has to get hurt, just reach into your purse there and give me all your money and I’ll be on my way, alright?”

Mora nods once more as she feels the metal cylinder against her temple shift in its position on her. Between this and the brick wall behind her, she’d never felt more suffocated now than all those years she spent in that stupid cell she currently wished she never left in the first place.

As she agrees to this, she slowly moves her purse straps from their comfy place on her shoulder, now sitting in her hands as she shakily reaches in to pull out her wallet.

‘Where the fuck is it?! Of all times, NOW I had to stuff it away somewhere else!? I’m so fucking dead…’

With weighted breath, she begins to speak as she continues to scrummage through her messy bag.

“I-I- heh, you’re not gonna believe this. I- uh, I can’t find my wallet.”

“You tryna fucking pull a fast one on me lady?!”

“N-No I swear I’m not, I-I think I left it at work.”

“Bullshit. If you don’t get your money out in three fucking seconds, there’s gonna be a bullet between your eyes.”

Mora began to panic as she knew exactly where she left her wallet in the locker room that morning.

The assailant began to count down, each second seeming to further paralyze the woman in fear as she couldn’t see any other way to escape her fate.

‘Is there really no way out of this? Is this where I die? Goddamnit-’

“One.”

Mora hears a shot fired from the man's gun, the ringing in her ears proving his threats were legitimate but- something was off.

As she looked up toward the gun, she could see the smoke from the firing at the front of the cylinder dissipate, but Mora didn’t feel...anything. No pain, no blood trickling down her face, nothing! She wasn’t sure what had happened but as she shakily reached up to feel the point of impact, she was met with a cool metal feeling. The thief standing before her stumbled back as he saw the chamber appeared to have exploded rather than fire off at its intended target.

“W-What the- D-Don’t think you’re off the hook just because you have a freeze type bitch! I-I’ll fucking kill you myself!”

Confused by his statement, Mora sat there stunned as she knew that this definitely wasn’t her ability at work. Suddenly, the man begins to charge at her, wrapping his hands around her neck in hopes of choking her.

Feeling her airway begin to close off, Mora instinctively reached her hand out toward the man, gripping at his arm as she attempted to remove the man’s ability in hopes of injuring him. Mora did injure him alright, just not the way she was attempting to do so as she looked to her hand and noticed it began to burn and glow a bright orange hue. In the blink of an eye, the man before her was suddenly engulfed in flames as he released her throat.

“YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!!! AHHHHG-!”

As the man frantically began to run around in circles, Mora lost strength in her legs as she slid down the brick wall, watching in both fear and amazement at what she had done. Looking down, she sat on the ground, pulling her hand toward her face as she noticed the orange hue continue to glow.

Suddenly, from the corner of her eye she saw the assailant fall to the ground, not attempting to extinguish the fire as his body laid there lifelessly. As she sees this, she notices the fire begins to burn out itself. Looking back at her hand, she notices the glow start to fade, nervously clenching it into a fist as she trembles in...excitement?

As Mora began to think that she’s lost her mind, another thought began to linger in the back of her mind.

‘I think I’ll keep this one for myself...’

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fmlfpl · 5 years

Photo

Lineup Lamentations - GW7

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: McGinn

IN: Mount

Okay fam, I fucked up this week.

Hands in the air this one is on me but I fucked myself by not moving on Wednesday before price changes where both Tammy and Mount went up so I am 0.1 away now from doing the double swap.

Was waiting for all the cup games to end and then was planning on getting Tammy in before his rise...totally forgot... Mount rose as well and so fuck me. Vacation mode throwing me properly off over here so what can I do? I am but a flawed human and I will live with the consequences of my dumbassedry.

Ultimately I am feeling that removing McGinn is better than removing Haller especially with this news that Lanzini has been training and is back. I just don't think Villa look very good in general and will continue to seriously struggle for goals even though McGinn has good underlying numbers and shit I think he's just a bit meh.

Haller has been bad but looks incredible irl eye test and so who knows the fixture is pretty good from an attacking sense maybe I get really lucky here but I will not tell you all any lies... it feels fucking bad to not have Tamela in this moment. I did contemplate a hit to get Tam in but ultimately felt like it had more of a chance to blow up in my face than work out gangbusters so I'm going to just do the one move...float...and check out what is what next gameweek with two frees after UCL and shit. Seems okay...

Who am I kidding? complete nightmare disaster I'm dumb and I hate myself.

GK:

Pope (avl)

Pope remains from GW1 after popping back into the good graces with a clean last week. Still great fixtures and he's great so an easy hold set and forget type of lad. Good boy Pope.

DEF:

Three at the back for me this gameweek in an unusual turn of events for my squadron.

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (shu)

Trent and R0bbo go to Sheffield United in what should be a clean banker. If Sheffu can only muster two shots against Everton then not expecting fireworks here against Livp. Granted they are home...but still..come on. Get it done here boys...time for another clean.

Otamendi (eve)

Third guy is NicoOta who somehow just threw up a ridiculous haul last game. Maybe the answer is just Dinho in and they'll keep cleaning like we thought they would. Who knows. I don't and I still think (read: know) Ota is a nightmare but at the moment the price is right and the nail is on.

At Everton suddenly seems like a dreamland fixture as they drag their feet until their manager gets the sack lunch. Get in.

MID:

Salah (shu) & Sterling & De Bruyne (eve)

Still on the three big boppers Mo, Raz, and Kevin.

All three great guys, I’m happy to see people selling Raz hope he drops 1m in price he is going nowhere from my team little razzy baby will come back with a vengeance to punish the non believing heathens.

Mo looked really bad and off it last game so hopefully his touch is back and he can do something this weekend.

Mount (BHA)

New boy Mount goes for me and it feels nice to be part of the mounted cavalry division. Nice little fixture run and still a good price. I really want to get in Maddo soon but Mount seems basically the same thing with a bit lower price no knock and better fixtures at least for right now.

Not sure why I'm talking about Maddo here but I am so that's cool.

Cantwell (cry)

Finally, Todd goes to Selhurst in what should be a who knows what the fuck it will be kind of a game. I could see anything from 0-0 snoozefest worst thing of life to a 4-2 barn burner. Either way, I believe in Todd and I love Todd so I'm going to throw him out in the XI for the near term and see how he rolls.

FWD:

Pukki (cry)

Pukki still in of course..good guy still is good.

Haller (bou)

Haller still in as well...yikes. Pretty massively and utterly terrified of not owning Tammy even more so typing this out now so just gotta hope I get away with it. Eek.

CAP:

Sterling (eve)

Raz gets the armband again.

Was chatting about it in Slack just before typing up lambs and the honest truth of the matter is if I twist off Raz cap after all these weeks of mental anguish to see him spike this game at Goodison I would just be completely beside myself with grief.

I don't want that, so I'm going to just stay with the boy and hope he wakes up on the right side of the bed tomorrow and destroys Everton.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Diop

IN: Tomori

I wavered back and forth on this one because Diop and West Ham have kept three cleans in a row and have really good home bankers coming up and all that good shit.... BUTTTTTTTT... they’re still bad at defending. They really are. The cleans have been nice but felt pretty lucky. They had Manchester United which is arguably best cleansheet fixture in the league and I got my points and so now I’m bailing.

Tomori has almost identical home fixtures to Diop coming up and I’m taking a swing that with Kante back (and Rudiger soon) they are a better team and better defense then West Ham... So in the equal home fixtures I prefer Tomori and then in the aways I feel like West Ham have relatively no chance at a clean (for example this week away to Bournemouth I see them conceding two or three) whereas Tomori and Chelsea away Southampton and away Burnley and away Watford coming up I’m like yeah I could see it, maybe clean one of those if I’m lucky clean two of those? That seems not farfetched to me.

It’s fucking weird buying a defender for a team with no cleans but comparatively to West Ham I think I’m getting in a step ahead here and hopefully it pays me back :)... Come on you Fikayo.

GK:

Gunn (tot)

Spurs are kind of shit but also this is like a 1% chance of a clean for Gunn.

My biggest mistake on Wildcard was not finding the 0.1 somewhere (SEE: MARTIN KELLY) and going Pope over Gunn but honestly I’m just gonna stick by Angus “Gunn to my head” Gunn through these difficult fixtures and just hope he racks up some saves and bones and the odd clean here and there and then their fixtures turn in GW12 and maybe it’ll all be fine.

Maybe.

DEF:

Tomori (BHA)

Good cleanable fixture. Not AMAZING but a solidly good clean shout at home. Come on lad.

Lowton (avl)

Another solid clean shout here.

Away is obviously tougher but Aston Villa struggle to create big chances and with how deep Burnley set up it will be tough to get behind them and counter them... I feel like a defensive howler from Mee or Tarko will be Villa’s best chance of the game. Hopefully it comes clean for me.

Söyüncü (NEW)

The fucking kid. I love Soy so much.

This should be a very straight forward clean. Hopefully Soy doesn’t do something absolutely insane and concede a penno for no reason and it’s just an easy job with bones and shit. Come on SoyyyyyBoyyyyyLadddddd.

MID:

Salah (shu), Sterling & De Bruyne (eve)

Lottttt of aways this week for me which does not feel terrific at all.

Salah is easiest hold ever despite a bit of a slow start underlying numbers.

Raz had his 0 minutes played early doors and should be back in there firing on all cylinders and Kevin requires no words. If ya didn’t jump immediately on Kevin after GW1 or GW2 then we haven’t been watching the same shit and you clearly don’t listen to a word that Walsh and I say so fuck you anyways.

Cantwell (cry)

The aways just keep coming and I don’t like it...

Palace are tough to break down but they’re also WAY worse at home and love nothing more but conceding possession... This will be a really really interesting game to see how Norwich do when they have ~65% of the ball and have to break down the Woy bus factory.

I expect good things but I’m a little nervous.

FWD:

Agüero (eve)

Kun is real good.

Pukki (cry)

Check what I said above about Todd and apply the same down here to Teemu.

Abraham (BHA)

Tammy is putting up gigantic elite numbers and I see no reason why that won’t continue. Outside of Man City Tammy has the best non-penalty expected goals per 90 in the entire league. Ya love to see it.

The one caveat that I have is that Brighton are pretty good.

BHA have middle of the pack defensive numbers despite facing Man City already this season and they just seem solidly like a mid-table maybe top 10 team.

Potter is great and has completely transformed how they set up and play and they’re just good. People thinking that this will be a Chelsea easy walk in the park 4-0 ass fucking I think are very misguided and relying too much on the color of the fixture on the FPL site and not using data, team stats, brains, etc...

CAP:

Agüero (eve)

This did not take me long to sort out. Kun is on fire, City are the best attacking team in the world as usual, and Everton aren’t great. Hopefully Kun hauls in a loss then I’m in dreamland ;)...

It’s a bummer that it’s away but he’s still Kun and can score a hat trick vs. any non-Liverpool opponent away from home. You might call me not a home/away splits believer.

Come on Kun do it baby boy, Everton are ripe for a destruction... And if City score early the fucking pitchforks will be out at Goodison and Silva and the Everton players should crumble under the immense negativity and booing and horribleness.

—

NOT RANDOM SLACKER: DEREK

Fresh off of IRL pod we assigned Lambs this week to the one and only Derek.

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Coleman

IN: Otamendi

Mentioned on the pod, easy transfer: defender on terrible looking Everton team for an attacking City defender with a great fixture run for the same price.

Seamus got me a couple cleans early and had some great chances for a dong but at this moment cannot be more thrilled to take him out of my team.

This was my plan since before last GW.. sucks I missed Ota's absurd game vs. Twatford but regardless, I'm very happy with this pick.

GK:

Pope (avl)

New friend to the team last week brought me a clean sheet. Hoping for the same this week with Villa away.

Burnley has a nice run coming so expecting some cleans from him.

DEF:

Otamendi (eve)

New transfer in.

I don't love him as a defender and we all know he's struggled at times this year but with Dinho seemingly slotted to the LCB position I’m hoping City can stay relatively tight and keep some cleans on this run.

And with Kevin's super precise set piece deliveries so far this year (and all the time when he is healthy and right), I'm expecting Ota to continue to find his head on some of these balls for some more dongs.

Robertson and van Dijk (shu)

Two lads who have been on my team since GW1.

At this point, cleans haven't been plentiful like how I imagined but a goal and two assists from them is still solid and I expect Liverpool to improve on the defensive front. Sheffield should be staying pretty tight in the back at home so this fixture feels very cleanable.

MID:

Sterling and De Bruyne (eve)

Just two guys on the most potent, explosive attacking team in the league. It's time tor Raz to get some returns for the first time since GW3. Yikes.

Salah (shu)

Mo will be Mo and continue to do Mo things AKA return return return. Even having a shitty ass game like last week, he still got me an assist.

Mount (BHA)

I've had the Fat Frank loving youngster since GW3 and he's price risen 6 times since then which is wild but still think he's a great value pick for those who do not have him.

On the year he has 3 goals in 6, constantly finds himself in the box with good chances, and with this great fixture run coming up, I expect him to continue to tick.

FWD:

Pukki (cry)

Palace away doesn't feel great, but Pukki has proven he can score in any fixture so hoping he delivers me one here.

Abraham (BHA)

Coming off a late push at Stamford Bridge last week versus the league leaders, Chelsea should continue with their offensive prowess vs Brighton back at home. Although I don't expect Tammy's absurd finishing efficiency to continue at this rate, his physicality and quickness in the box is here to stay which will continue to yield him good opportunities and big chances.

Plus with up-and-down-the-wing god Marcos A. slotted in at left back with Emerson out, Tammy should be getting some great service in the air. Love having two offensive players from the same team cause the dreams and realization of an assist-dong combo is just the best actual feeling in all of FPL.

Greenwood (ARS)

Taking a chance here going with my other Mason: the 17 year old United striker..feels especially risky with him playing 90' midweek in the cup match.

He has yet to start in a league game this year, but has started in both games outside of the league and has a goal in each of them. With Rashford's groin injury and Martial seemingly dead for eternity (I won't believe he's healthy til I see him on the team sheet), OGS has limited options up top so realllly hoping he gives the kid a chance this week at Old Trafford for his first league start.

From the little I've seen from Greenwood, seems like he is not shy to shoot and with Paul hopefully back maybe the team can progress the ball better and develop some offensive threat again..we shall see.

CAP:

Sterling (eve)

I'm going with Raz for the fifth GW in a row.

We all know what he's capable of..sitting the whole 90' on the bench or scoring a hatty. Hoping for the latter in the away fixture at Goodison cause I think City are gonna have their way with the Toffees. I'd be lying if I said I'm not scared captaining Raz considering he played 70+ minutes midweek in the cup and UCL coming up next week but fuck it.

Weird to see him drop in price two times in a week and seeing some captain polls, kinda feels like a slight differential captain. Vice will be on Mo.

#fml fpl #fmlfpl #fpl #fantasy premier league #premier league #lineup lamentations #soccer #fantasy soccer #football #fantasy football

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undesired-attention · 7 years

Text

okay, i have a little bit before i want to go to bed so ig ill write about whats been going on

my dad found out i smoke weed, but he hasn’t tried talking to me about it or brought it up to me. he told my mom he knew because i ordered this pretty pipe to smoke from that is a crystal, but i had it accidentally shipped to my house and my dad found it in the mail. it was shipped from china so it had what it was on the package, but he still left it with my ipsy bag to get when i woke up the next day so idk. he’s found out i was doing stuff like that before, maybe not pot but cigarettes and would scream at me and stuff but he didn’t with this, and since he hasn’t yet i know he won’t at all (unless relevant in his eyes in a future fight, always possible). he basically told my mom to tell me not to get caught with it in my car, which i wont.

these next two things are both things that happened yesterday so these are what sparked the slight urge/interest in wanting to type it all out,

so first i came back from lunch yesterday and my roommate was standing in our kitchen and said “you just missed the craziest shit” and i was like lol, okay what. she broke up with her boyfriend over the weekend and had sex with another boy (what a life, right? whatever tho) and he was in our room with her yesterday just hanging out because they are really good friends and are going on a group trip somewhere and were looking at plane tickets. so she heard the front door open and close then heard nothing, so she got up and opened her bedroom door and her ex was right there screaming at her to open her door and talk to him and she was holding the door closed screaming at him to leave and the boy in the room was helping, but apparently he had ACL surgery recently and couldn’t really help, so her ex eventually got in. he shoved my roommate into the closet, knocking her curtain down (we don’t have closet doors in our dorms here) on her face, then started screaming at the boy “you fucked my girlfriend” because he had hickeys on his neck from the previous night with her, and he just made up a lie that he had a gf and whatever. so they got into a fist fight, it moved out into our kitchen, then out into the dorm hall and my roommate was screaming and calling the police and the RA down the hall.

so at this point her ex runs out of the building with my RA chasing him telling him to stop, 5 cops show up, and it was 12:30 and she had class at 1 so they only talked to her for a few seconds and then she had to leave for class then go to the police station after. (this is when i came back, there was no cops and she was literally walking out the door) well her ex was texting her saying “im on campus, im not telling you where i am, and im not leaving until you talk to me” so she had a bunch of bigger boys walk her to class, and basically her friends ended up seeing him just off campus at a wawa and chased him here into the police station (where she was at this point, after class) and she didn’t press charges and neither did the boy he fought, but the police banned him from campus.

--okay next story

also yesterday, i went to my clinical. i really wasn’t in the mood, i was tired. our prof. showed up 40 minutes late and said the boy in our group who was assigned to go to the children’s ER (special experience for our peds rotation) called in sick so one of us needed to go in his place, so i went because we don’t have to fill out any paperwork due the following week so that just made my life slightly easier at this point in time. so i got down there and talked to the charge nurse and she said they were getting an emergency trauma in ~5 minutes so just to hang around and watch (usually we are assigned a nurse, nothing exciting usually happens, just respiratory infections usually or accidents like broken bones and burns) so they got this 17 yo girl unconscious from a suspected suicide attempt and i got to watch in the room as like 20 people total were talking and running around getting stuff for her. it really was exciting, i got to watch them insert an IO (im assuming thats how you use the abbreviation) which is an IV they drill into the bone in the leg when they can’t get peripheral IVs in (happens in IV drug users, this girl was very dark skinned though and it was hard to see veins) so they draw her blood, get her on a vent, insert foley, several epi drips, several narcan attempts (antidote for heroin) and nothing was reeeeally helping, so the lab work came back and she had a blood sugar of 1400, which is AMAZING because that’s INSANE i’ve NEVER EVER EVER heard of blood sugar over 600-700 range from when i work in the ICU as an aide and i take blood sugars there, but this was basically BEYOND critically high. i didn’t even believe the nurses when they told the doctor in front of me, i thought they had to have been talking about a different value. her creatine was also SEVEN, for an ADULT female it should be under basically 1, she isn’t even an adult yet and it was 7x that.

basically, her Dx was diabetes, DKA to be specific. she didn’t have a known diagnosis of diabetes, so this wasn’t expected at all. the nurse told me this girl must have been sick for months and nobody really noticed. so because her creatine was 7 and BS 1400, her kidneys were basically destroyed. she will be on dialysis for the rest of her life because of this. another doctor came in to insert a dialysis catheter so they could start her STAT because that was the only way to lower her levels at that point and i was just like a lil mouse squeak “can i watch?” and he was like “yes please! that would be great, as a nurse you’ll assist in these and it will be really educational.” so i was like iight then, i had to basically scrub in and then he talked me through (along with a med student) how it all worked, it was really cool actually and there was a LOT of blood, which doesn’t bother me but i’ve just never in person experienced that before. it was pretty neat, the whole experience was not expected. at one point a nurse asked me”do you have any questions?” and i was like “oh god, not that i can think of,, i wasn’t even supposed to be here today!” so i got really lucky. i won’t be able to follow up with her, but hopefully she is okay and can recover.

the last thing i wanted to mention that was shocking:

i was sitting at my window last thursday and it was a really really nice day so my window was left open (i open it to smoke cigarettes out of it, not allowed but i’m just a rebel whatever) and i heard a girl sobbing and screaming into her phone below my window and i looked down and there is a little table hidden in an area where you can’t really see it, the main lounge in my building protrudes from the rest and there is all picnic tables around it and it’s just a little corner where people go to smoke weed and stuff, so i just took a picture of her and sent it to my friends saying there was a girl screaming at her boyfriend on the phone crying below me. so about 5 minutes later i look back down because she’s still crying and she’s just clearly (from my angle, directly above her) cutting herself. she kept looking around to see if anyone could see, but she never looked up. i was SO SHOCKED at this point that i texted one of my friends who has gone through a lot of the same things as me (past history of self harm, to a pretty “bad” extent) and asked if she was in her room (my building) and she wasn’t, she was still in class so i told her what was going on and so she told me when she was leaving and a minute or so after she started walking back the girl got up and left. i just didn’t know what to do, i just know i’m the type of person that when i’m upset or even when i used to hurt myself and if i ever did again, i don’t like talking about it. if someone tried i’d just shut them down or walk away. but i didn’t know this girl at all, so i didn’t know if she was going to flip out, run, try to hurt herself/me so i didn’t go down. it all happened so fast so i didn’t call anyone else, and she hasn’t been back since.

it was just surprising and like blood-chilling to look down and see a girl hurting herself because i’ve never WATCHED someone else do it, i used to do it really bad, i have scars from my wrist to my armpit on my right arm (left handed aye), some on my left upper forearm, my thighs and stomach so i can really relate to self harm, but i just have a hard time relating to people because my friends in high school were just complete opposites of me, they were/are just such happy people overall and none of my close friends ever were depressed or self harmed so i just never really had anyone to relate. so i didn’t know what to do.

okay, so that’s all of it. i feel really bad it’s so long, but it’s been about a weeks worth of stuff built up.

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