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lesserfandomappreciation · 3 years

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Ariadne and why the Mycenaeans can fuck right off

Warning: Includes brief mentions of r*pe, cultural destruction, ancient patriarchy reminding us why no woman would ever time-travel more than 5 years into the past if that and a great deal of spite for male historians/public education history/mythology classes.

Possible side effects may include a sudden intense rage for an ancient society equivalent to the innate rage one has for the Romans burning the library of Alexandria, a distinct hatred for ancient men not being able to let anyone have nice things, and a sudden fascination for Minoa.

Usually, I stick to writing imagines and being happy with that. It’s fun! I love it! But every now and again, in an attempt to escape the crushing forces known as reality and responsibilities I’ll put on a few cutscenes from games I’m: A) Too lazy to play B) Too broke to play C) Too unskilled to play D) All of the above

because cutscenes are free and why torture yourself with impossible levels when its free on Youtube?* *In all seriousness please support video games and video game creators, but no shame to those of us who prefer cutscenes to gameplay. A few weeks ago I added the game Hades made by Supergiant to the list because the cutscenes were bomb and the characters are so much fun! Intricate as all hell! Hella cute too but that’s unrelated! Now my pretty little simp patootie is especially a big fan of Dionysus and his gorgeous design so the cutscenes with him are my favorite.

I’m re-watching his cutscenes a few nights ago for fun as background when he has a certain line about Theseus. Don’t quote me on this since my memory is foggy at best but roughly it was: Dionysus: Good job with Theseus. Never cared much for him- what he did to that girl was just horrible.*

*I know that’s not his exact line but this is clearly a rant post fueled by spite and ADD-hyper-focused obsessions with ancient civilizations so let’s not worry too too much about the semantics here.

Now, I like mythology! Personally, I prefer the Norse mythology due to the general lack of very very gross dynamics that several other ancient mythologies seem to include, but I’m decently familiar with Greek mythos. Enough to go - “Why does the God of Wine give a single fuck about the frat bro of Greek heroes being a dick to a woman? Grossness is embedded into the very DNA of all distant relatives of Zeus, a woman being harassed by Zeus or his bastard army is a typical Tuesday in ancient Greece.”

Wikipedia confirms that Ariadne is the only woman in the story of Theseus and the Minotaur, which I kinda knew already so unless Theseus did some f’ed up shit to some other princess of Minos, Dionysus could only be referring to her. Disregarding what I know about Wikipedia and how it can suck you down the rabbit hole of rabbit holes through sheer fury I stupidly clicked the link to Ariadne’s article.

By the time we get to the end of this shitstorm, I will have two separate plotlines for two separate stories based of Ariadne, 2k+ notes (and going) on an ancient civilization prior to a week ago I didn’t know existed and within me there will be a rage towards a different ancient civilization I vaguely recall learning about in high school.

Here’s how this shit went down.

First of all, apparently after Theseus abandoned Ariadne on an island to die (yep! He did that! To the one person who is the only reason he defeated the minotaur! Fuck this guy.) there are multiple storylines where Dionysus takes a single look at Ariadne and falls in love.

“A god falls in love?” you say, aware of how most love stories in Greek mythos can be summed up with Unfortunately, Zeus got horny and Hera is a firm believer in victim blaming. “This poor woman is about to go through hell!” I thought so too! And in one variation of the story, Dionysus does his daddy proud by being an absolute tool to Ariadne. In the majority though? He woos the fuck out of her, and ultimately marries her by consent!

Her consent!

In ancient Greece!

The party dude of the Greek pantheon knows more about consent then his father and modern day frat brothers!

Okay! That’s interesting, so I keep reading.

Ariadne getting hitched to Dionysus is a big deal in Olympus, to the point of getting a crown made of the Aurora Borealis from Aphrodite who is bro-fisting Dionysus, beyond glad she didn’t have to give him the talk about consent. The rest of the gods are pissy especially Hera who doesn’t like Dionysus much since he is the son of Zeus and Semele but they don’t do much. Ariadne ascends to godhood, becomes the goddess of Labyrinths with the snake and bull as her symbol and that’s that on that.

Colorin, colorado, este cuento se acabado. And they lived happily ever after. That’s the end of the post right?

NO! Because curiosity has made me their bitch and there’s more to this calling me.

Also, I was pissed! Still am! Why the fuck-a-doodle-do did I have to learn about the time Poseidon r*ped a priestess instead of the arguably healthiest relationship in the entirety of the pantheon? Why is Persephone and Hades’ story (which has improved since it was first written and I like more modern versions of it, no hate) the only healthy-ish Greek love story I had to learn when Dionysus and Ariadne were right there? The rage of having endured several grade levels of “Zeus got horny and Hera found out” stories in the nightmare of public education led me to keep looking into this.

There’s this wonderful Youtube channel called Overly Sarcastic Productions that I highly recommend that delves a lot into mythology, and I have seen their bombass video about Dionysus and how his godhood has changed since he was potentially first written in a language we comprehend.

Did ya’ll know this man is the heir apparent to Zeus? ‘Cause I didn’t know that!

YEA! Dionysus, man of parties, king of hangovers and inducer of madness, is set to inherit the throne of Olympus! Ariadne didn’t husband up the God of Wine, she husbanded up the Prince of Olympus and heir apparent to the throne! Holy shit! No wonder some of the gods were against her marriage to Dionysus - can you imagine the drama of an ex-mortal woman sitting on the Queen’s throne of Olympus? Hera must have been pissed.

BUT WAIT.

There’s more.

The reason we know Dionysus is a very important god and is possibly even more important than we think is because of a handy-dandy language known as Linear B, otherwise known as the language of the Mycenaeans!

For those of you fortunate enough to have normal hobbies and interests, the Mycenaeans were the beta version of the Greeks. Their written language of Linear B is one of, if not the first recorded instance of a written Indo-European language. This language, having been translated, gives us an interesting look at what the Greek gods were like back in their beta-stages before they fixed the coding and released the pantheon.

Interesting side facts of the Mycenaean Greek gods include:

Poseidon being the head god with an emphasis on his Earthquake aspect, and being much more of a cthonic god in general.

Take that Zeus, for being so gross.

The gods in general being more cthonic, as Mycenaeans were obsessed with cthonic gods (probably due to all the earthquakes and natural disasters in Greece and Crete at that time)

Several of the gods and goddesses that we know being listed, alongside some that we don’t consider as important (Dione)

The first mention of Kore, later Persephone, but no Hades because since a lot of gods were cthonic, there would be no need for one, specific cthonic god to represent the majority of death-related rituals.

That’s not what we’re focusing on though! What we’re focusing on is a specific translated portion of Linear B that we have. One of the translated portions of Linear B that for the life of me I can’t find (someone please help me find it and send the link so I can edit this post) says an interesting phrase. “Honey to the gods. Honey to the Mistress of Labyrinths.”

One more time. “Honey to the gods. Honey to the Mistress of Labyrinths.”

Mistress of Labyrinths.

Now wait a gosh darn minute. Isn’t there a goddess of labyrinths in the Greek mythos? Why yes! Yes there is! Ariadne!

Here’s a question for you. If Ariadne is but a minor god in the pantheon, a wife to a more predominant god, why is it that while all the other gods and goddesses are bunched together in a sentence of praise, the so-called ex-mortal gets a whole-ass sentence to herself singing praises?

And thus, we have arrived to Minoa!

What is Minoa, you ask? Minoa is to Rome what Rome is to us. An old-ass civilization either older than or younger by a hundred years to ancient Egypt. Egypt, that started in 3200 B.C-ish depending on who you ask. That’s old. Old as balls. They were contemporaries to their trading partner, Egypt until 1450 BC-ish. A 2000 year old civilization.

Minoa was founded on the island of Crete, and was by what artifacts we have found a merchant civilization with its central economy centered on the cultivation of saffron and the development of bronze/iron statues of bulls. Most of what we know about them comes from artifacts and frescoes found on Crete that managed to survive everything else I will mention later, but what matters is that we know a few things about them.

Obsessed with marine life for some time, given their pottery.

Had the first palaces in all of Europe, some of them ridiculously big.

Wrote in Linear A and Cretan Hieroglyphs, both still untranslated languages.

Had a ritual involving jumping over a bull, for some reason.

Firm believers in “Suns out, Tits out.”

You’d think I’m kidding on the last one but no! No no no! All the women apparently rocked the tits-out look in Minoa!

^^^^One of many, many Minoan works featuring women giving their titties fresh air. ^^^^

“Wait a second Pinks! What does this have to do with Ariadne being the Mistress of labyrinths?”

Well you see dear wonderful darling, while we know very little about Minoan religion because Mycenaeans (we will get to those bastards in a second), we do know this:

All the religious figures appear to be exclusively women.

The most important figures of their religion seem to be goddesses as there are few artifacts featuring male gods.

Because of the religion, the culture may have been an equal society or even a matriarchy! Historians who are male aren’t sure.

A frankly ridiculous amount of their temples, including the ones in caves in the middle of fuck-all feature labyrinths. A lot of labyrinths!

Their head god is a goddess! Whose temples have labyrinths and whose main symbols are snakes and bulls. Who do we know is a) the mistress of labyrinths and b) is symbolized a lot by snakes and bulls?

ARI-fucking-ADNE THAT’S WHO!

Ariadne didn’t upgrade by marrying the prince of Olympus! Dionysus wifed up possibly the most important goddess in all of Crete and becoming her boy-toy!

I’m not even kidding, most Minoan depictions of the goddess’ consort features a boy/man who cycles through the stages of death. Dionysus himself in several myths goes through the same cycle - life, being crushed, death, rebirth, repeat. Cycles the consort goes through in Minoan legend depictions too!

Okay, that’s great, but what does that have to do with the Mycenaeans? Why do you want to single-handedly go back in time and strangle the beta-Greeks with the nearest belt?

Everything I just said about Ariadne being a Minoan goddess, the Mistress of Labyrinths being hella important on Minoa, is all theoretical. The Mycenaeans are partially to blame for making it theoretical.

Minoa thrived for 2000 years but it had a lot of issues, mostly caused by natural disasters. Towards the end of their civilization (1500 BC-ish), the nearby island of Thera, today known as Santorini, decided to blow up. The island was a hella-active volcano that when erupted, destroyed a lot.

How big was the eruption? Well when Pompeii was wasted by Mt. Vesuvius, the blast was heard from roughly 120 miles away, 200 km.

The blast on Thera was heard from 3000 miles away. 4800 km away.

Fuck me, the environmental effects of the explosion were felt in imperialistic CHINA.

Holy shit that would waste anybody! And it did! Minoa went from being a powerhouse in the Mediterranean to scrambling to recover from losing 40,000 citizens and who knows how many cities. Tsunamis may have followed the blast, further destroying ports which for a navy-powerhouse of an island nation is a bad thing and the theorized temperature drops caused by a cloud of ash lingering for a while would have destroyed crops for the year.

Minoa was fucked.

The Mycenaeans and all their bullshit made it worse.

Up until a few hundred years prior to Thera’s explosion, Minoan artifacts don’t depict much in terms of military power. Why would it? Crete is a natural defense post. Sheer cliffs, high mountains and a few semi-fortified areas would make it pointless to invade. It’s only when the Mycenaeans in all their bullshit decided to attack/compete that Minoa really needed any army to speak of.

Guess who decided to invade while Minoa was reeling from an incredibly shitty year? Mycenaea!

Guess who won?

Also Mycenaea!

Nobody knows how this shit went down though because wouldn’t you know it, the Mycenaeans in all their superiority-complex glory decided to destroy most written accounts about Minoa, a good junk of the temples and culturally eliminated most of Minoan beliefs.

Minoa isn’t even the real name of the civilization! It’s just the name Arthur Evans, the guy who re-motivate interest in Minoan archaeology, gave to the civilization because the writings that would have included the name of the civilization were destroyed.

“That sucks!” Fuck yes that sucks! “What does that have to do with Ariadne though?”

Oh ho ho. Strap in because you’re about to be pissed.

Those of us unfortunate enough to be aware of all the bullshit the Christians pulled on the European pagan belief system are familiar with the concept of cultural, religious destruction. There’s a special name for it I don’t know but if I did I would curse it to be absorbed by the horrendous will of fungi.

An example: Christianity was not the most popular of religions amongst the Vikings. A monotheistic religion that is heavily controlled did not strongly appeal to anyone with a pantheon as rad as the Norse one.

In order to appeal to the Vikings, what monks would do is they would write down traditionally Viking stories which up until that point were orally passed down. Beowulf, the story of the most Viking Viking to have every Vikinged, was one of these first stories.

However! Did these monks write Beowulf as closely to the original oral transcript as possible? Of course not! They took liberties! While Norse features such as trolls and dragons and all sorts of Norse magic occur, there is a lot of Christian features added in.

This happened across all Pagan religions that Christianity came into contact with in Europe. Stories would be altered when written down to be more Christian (this happened to the Greek Pantheon too btw), holidays that were Pagan magically lined up with ones the Vatican just happened to suddenly have. Even names of mythological figures were taken and added onto Christian figure names. Consequently, a lot of pagan religions they did this to got erased over time, with many of their traditions and details being lost forever, and the details we do know being tinted by Christianity.

The Mycenaeans were likely no different.

Minoa and Mycenaea were as culturally opposite as can be. Minoa is theorized to be a matriarchal or equal society*. Mycenaea and most of early Greece absolutely was not. In fact, during early stages of their religion where they believed in reincarnation, the Mycenaeans believed the worst thing to come back as was a woman.

Did you get that? With your options ranging from man to ever single animal on Earth, a woman was ranked as beneath literal animals in Mycenaean society.

Fuck the Mycenaeans.

* This is not to say Minoa was without fault, as a society that is matriarchal or equal can still have rampant issues such as privilege, classism, racism, sexism and more, but when history has a shortage of civilizations that didn’t treat women like shit, you find yourself rooting for them more.

What do you do then, when you take over a society that is very much the opposite of a nightmare of a patriarchy? You fold their beliefs into your own to bait them into yours. Going back to the Linear B line about “Mistress of Labyrinths” that line would/could have been an early tactic of incorporating Minoan belief into Mycenaean belief. Other goddesses and gods were made into aspects of Mycenaean gods. Bristomartis, the Minoan goddess of the hunt, would become Artmeis. Velchanos, a god of the sky, would become Zeus.

With more time, the religion shifted more into Mycenaean and eventually into ancient Greece as we know it. Through trade other gods and goddesses would continue to shift and change, some being straight up imported (Aphrodite for example). Dionysus himself changed a lot too, going from a God representing freedom and attracting slaves, women and those with limited power into his cult, to a God of parties for the wealthy.

Theseus and the Minotaur was a myth likely based on a Mycenaean myth based on a Minoan myth that changes Ariadne from an important, possibly the important goddess of an ancient religion and relegates her to a side character in a pantheon so vast that she would be lost within it.

All of this brings us to today. Today, where as soon as work ended I spent most of the day, as well as the past two days, looking up everything I can on Minoan civilization and added it to my notes. Spite is fueling me to write two possible different stories for two different fandoms where Minoa dunks of Mycenaea and it is giving me life. Expect an update within the next two weeks folks as I lose control of my writing life once more.

In summary: Ariadne deserves more respect, fuck the public education system for skipping over the good parts of Greek mythology instead of the r*pey as shit parts, the Mycenaeans can eat my shorts, and a world were Minoa became the predominant power instead of Greece would be an amazing world to live in.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. Pink out.

#minoa #minoan #crete #ancient history #ariadne #mycenaea #mycenaean #I hate #HATE #HATE HATE HATE the Greeks so much #homer is a dick #So much spite and curiosity went into this #if I ever get a time machine I will travel to the first years of Mycenaea for the express purpose of burning it to the ground before #they get a chance #the opportunity #to look at Minoa wrong

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nightshadedawn · 3 years

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Persona 5 Royal Playthrough pt3

I ended up going through two Palaces before I could update y’all. Oh well.

...Yeah, no, quit calling me Miss Special Snowflake's boyfriend. It's not happening.

Ryuji, Morgana, and Yusuke having a conversation in the laundromat: "It's like he's our mom," says Ryuji... the mom friend.

Every time Morgana is like "I have to turn into a human so no one else can have Lady Ann!" then expects no one else to hear him makes me laugh. Like, bitch, no.

I have the restaurant in my Thieves Den 'cause I like it. Yusuke, Ryuji, and Morgana are there. They're so precious.

I got a three in a row Tycoon on cutthroat!!!

Ryuji and Ann just keep going "Shoulda figured" and other versions of the statement every time I win.

Ann just rejected Morgana's feelings HARD. I am happy.

Ryuji is too good, honestly. Why would anyone not like him? He's... He's always trying to build the team up, make them proud of themselves and what they've done. I will admit that he has his moments of being not a great human, but they're teenagers who were given absurd powers, so honestly, can you blame them?

I didn't know darts was an actual minigame! There's so many minigames. I'm so happy.

I don't like Akechi. I don't know why some people do. Like, his death scene was a bit... too late for a redemption for me, right after he tried to kill Joker, several times. His pain is understandable, but still... I can't.

Their "two sides of the same coin" also doesn't seem particularly fair. It's totally uneven in everything but color schemes.

Guys, GUYS, please, PLEASE decide whether you're going to react to my teasing or not.

"We don't have to deal with them directly," Ryuji says joyfully about the mafia. Oh you sweet, sweet, innocent child, if only you knew what I do.

I literally can't play this game around anyone else because I tend to yell "BABY!" to Ryuji, Ann, and Yusuke and "BITCH" or "FUCKER" to... a rather long list of villains in this game... and Makoto.

I can literally feel Yusuke's anxiety about his painting when you take him to Leblanc to see Sayuri.

How can you say Yusuke isn't gay when he says everything I do is beautiful?

I love Ryuji's 9th social link. It's LITERALLY written like a confession scene. This also means I kinda hate it because... I can't date him.

Also... PRETTY BOY RYUJI PRETTY BOY RYUJI PRETTY BOY RYUJI

I actually kinda thought that the new scene for Ryuji being a crossdresser is kinda funny??? Is this bad??? I wanna see him in a dress, tho. I gotta agree, he'd be a natural. Not the like, painfully obviously not taking it seriously from the dancing game, though.

Though I do think it's valid that he freaks out when two strange adults come up to him and try to take him somewhere, especially in a place known for being shady, and at night.

...When Ryuji complains about it, I do feel bad about ditching him. Then again, I blame the cat.

Ryuji may be my ideal type on paper, but I'm also highly attracted to Yusuke and this is so totally unfair.

*softly chanting* butlers butlers butlers butlers

Don't mind me just... *makes meticulous plot to avoid having Makoto join the team that i may or may not write a fanfic about*

Makoto is one dumbass bitch. Like, honestly, there's nothing she does that's in any way remotely smart.

...I thought I'd just skip Makoto's scenes until she became relevant, but here I am, still skipping her scenes. Does that mean she’s still irreleveant?

"Witch" I suggest, and Makoto complains! "Would you prefer "Bitch"? I can use that too.

I put Yusuke on the team in the middle of the palace through settings, replacing Morgana, who had been standing right behind me. Which made Yusuke stand right behind me. It looked like he was holding onto my waist and standing uncomfortably close. Bro, babe, I love you, but not in front of my boyfriend and girlfriend!

Just accept the compliment, guys, I'm not going to compliment Queen.

...Opening chests with Ann or Ryuji is just so sweet because they're so affectionate and touchy feely. Especially Ryuji.

Math. Fucking. Sucks. I should not have to use math in a game. I hate this. Obviously it's the Palace Makoto comes in that this happened.

Well, I finished the Palace in a day. I love the feeling. But it was getting close there. Joker and Yusuke were down to no spells...

...Yoshizawa hasn't showed up yet. When is she getting shoehorned in?

WHY IS THE VELVET ROOM RED!?

My very first playthrough I didn't execute a single execution except for the first one we have to do. It really screwed me over my second playthrough...

...I broke the electric chair. That's certainly something that happened.

147 games of Tycoon later and I've only been a beggar 31 times in total, versus the pure thirty wins in just Cutthroat.

They're in their summer uniforms and it makes make miss warmer weather already. It's fucking snowing outside. Grrrr.

Beat Kaneshiro! ...Wasn't a fan of his new boss battle. I'm even playing on safe mode! But whatever.

Makoto is a DISASTER at Tycoon. She exclusively got beggar all three times I played with her!

...RYUJI YOU CAN'T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT AND NOT LET ME DATE YOU.

Ann, sweeties, baby, you're doing so well.

She confessed to me, then in the call afterwards it was basically insinuated I proposed... WHICH IS LIKE FUCK YEAH 'CAUSE SHE ACCEPTED IT.

It makes me think of the future conversation where they're talking about marriage.

Anyway, if you haven't noticed, l love Ann.

My next playthrough I'm not gong to date her, though. I'm a completionist and I want ALL of the possible awards. But... I refuse to cheat on Ann. So I'll date everyone else then just hang with Ryuji... despite how cringy some of the date things are.

...If Akechi wasn't, you know EVIL and tried to KILL ME, SEVERAL TIMES, I might, MIGHT, like him. But in truth, I think that's really just the Persona 5: Revival talking. We get... into some stuff during that.

I know that either Atlus or the translators know EXACTLY what goes on in the Persona fandom because otherwise "He's too pretty to be wrong" would not be an option when talking to the newspaper girl about Akechi. I have to agree with her that his looks aren't really, you know, awesome enough for that.

Also, I read it as "He's too petty to be wrong" at first and I think that's an accurate sum of his character.

YO AKECHI-FUCK I HAVE NO NEED TO SEE YOUR ASS LIKE THAT WHEN I HAVE BOTH A BF AND AND GF.

...fucker fucking giving me shit about my fake glasses...

If you COULD date the boy out of mod, Akechi would definitely be the one they were pushing you to date. Like Makoto. Or Yoshizawa.

But hey, at least I get to not be nice to him.

I remember seeing this picture where Ann, Ryuji, and Joker kept going to the movies together and seeing 3D movies, and Joker couldn't wear the 3D glasses properly because of his own. I keep imagining that picture during this event with Caroline and Justine.

You know what? Some people call Joker a loli lover because of them, but nope! He's just adopted two more siblings. That is my stance on it.

FUcking

Fucker

WHAT THE FRRRRRRRR

FUCK YOU ATULS OR TRANSLATORS OR WHATEVER

APHRODITE AND MARS ARE FROM TWO DIFFERENT MYTHOS. Aphrodite is GREEK, Mars is ROMAN. Their reversed are VENUS and ARES. USE ONE OR THE OTHER PEOPLE.

I get very pissed about this, and it's worse with Hades.

7/4 is the day I am screaming at, if you were wondering.

My dad asked me if the other students think Joker's stupid because every time I answer a question right they get all surprised.

I don't really like Makoto, as I'm sure you've noticed, but she was super nice about Ryuji's special move idea. And that put her ahead of Akechi in my book.

TESTS ARE NERVE WRACKING EVEN WHEN THEY'RE FICTIONAL

Yusuke and Ryuji are good boys, the best boys. And they're so awesome about their special move.

AND RYUJI OFFERED MONEY FOR YUSUKE'S FOOD. And implied that he did it before???? Ryuji, you best boy.

This boys' outing DOES make me happy, though. Like, insanely happy. Dunno why.

Maybe because Joker gets to be so flipping cheesy.

...fuck you, Yoshizawa.

HONESTLY WHAT THE EVER LOVING--- Grr. Too many choices while with her. Too many. OOC Joker when with her. 0/10.

I LOVE THE FESTIVAL PHOTO

And you know, it's really hard to choose between Lala-chan and Ann, but... GONNA TAKE ANN ON A DATE

Got her some flowers. Lets see if we can give them to her this time!

"Such a good FRIEND." Babe, we're DATING. For like, TWO WEEKS NOW.

AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO GIVE HER FLOWERS

Ann called Yusuke a pretty boy, but then she's missing out on the REAL pretty boy, Pretty Boy Ryuji.

Ryuji, why're you so worried about other girls when you've got ME?

"I like the shade." "What are you, moss!?" Oh, admit it, Ryuji, I'm growing on you.

Cargona. Snrk. Gods, I love you, Ryuji.

Dome town with Ryuji! "Isn't it all couples?" That's the point!

I COULD GIVE RYUJI THE ROSES!?

Sadly, I bought those for Ann. Ryuji, you get the noodles.

AND HE FUCKING LOVED IT.

"It feels like I really captured Ryuji's heart!" FUCK YEAH I DID

Gonna give Yusuke the bracelet when I get the chance.

Why is everyone color coded in the chat room? Kawakami, Akechi, Mishima, and the reporter are all ORANGE. What's the point? Well, Akechi's more of a golden orange, but close enough.

While Mishima is not my first choice for a date, he's definitely not my last.

...But the boy really needs some fucking sleep. He's not drawn with the bags under his eyes, but I can see them!

It's not fair that they give Akechi a kicked puppy sprite. I'm... goddamnit, they're trying to make me not hate him.

When Makoto doesn't know something, I'm brought great joy.

NO DAD MAKOTO IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND ANN IS AND SHE IS LITERALLY R I G H T T H E R E

First day in Futaba's Palace! I've gotta say, this is my second favorite palace. Kamoshida, Futaba, Madarame, Sae, Okumura, Shido, Kaneshiro, Holy Grail. In that order. I HATE Kaneshiro's place and dealing with the Holy Grail. But whatevs, man. I love this game. (Vanilla, at least, this one is still on the fence)

I found out a cool little thing. On the uphill sand slopes in the town (don't know about anywhere else) if you're running and turn back quickly, Joker will do a little animation to steady himself. It was cool and made it seem, I dunno, more human? Anyway, while I was admiring this, Ryuji and Yusuke just stood at the top of the slope and Ann followed me while I was running. Best girlfriend ever.

Kin-Ki is looking pretty kin-ky if you know what I'm sayin'

Please don't murder me because I do terrible puns.

*we fall through the trap door* *Ryuji starts screaming* Same, baby, same.

...Makoto is seriously annoying. Like, she's got no business acting as familiar with Futaba's situation. The one who WOULD be the most familiar is Yusuke, and I'm glad he recognizes that. It's not the exact same, none of their stories are after all, but I feel like those two get each other better than even Ryuji and Joker understand each other.

Yusuke and Ryuji's special attack is THE BEST

Ryuji and Joker getting up close and personal in the shadows. All those fanfics coming true, man.

I thought Futaba was sloth, not wrath? Why are her Will Seeds called Wrath?

Beat it in one day! It's so satisfying to watch all those achievements when I leave the palace.

You know, I'm thinking of wearing the Christmas outfits for the final battle. Just to be kinda funny.

Spending a relaxing day with Yusuke after going through Futaba's Palace... kinda want to take him to the bathhouse to check out that new scene, but I also REALLY wanna feed the boy... gonna feed the boy.

Apparently I can only make 'decent curry.' Which is fine. Because "I" can't make curry at all. Joker, you've done much better than I.

THE DATE CHANGE SCREEN HAD A RAINBOW AND RYUJI WAS COMING OVER ON THE SAME DAY FUCK YEAH MY BISEXUAL BABY

...Broooooo, the way you talk about your manga is how I talk right before I start shipping.

Took him to the bathhouse, 'cause I don't gotta worry about Mama Sakamoto feeding him.

...Can I take Ann to the bathhouse?

Asked Ryuji to move in. He was all up for the idea until he remembered that I live in an attic.

I'm Charismatic now!

...I was all hoping Ann would stop by but then Akechi asked me out. Laaaaaaaame.

Ryuji's smile is so fucking cute.

...I say we just be honest, and everyone's so fucking stupid about it until Makoto explains it. This pisses me off. They're not that dumb... At least, they weren't until Makoto showed up.

Futaba's hiding in the closet. ...I've spent too many weeks making jokes about closets to not have a joke about it.

Really, Yusuke? You see those books and think she can't understand?

...Wait, that sassy tone of voice... You were TRYING to pull a reaction of her. I knew I shipped those two for a reason. OTP and BroTP. Doesn't matter, they're both awesome.

I love you Ann, but I don't think your situations were the same at all. It's not like both are valid and bad, but... different.

Joker is SO fast compared to the others, especially when he's speeding.

What the...

Holy fuck...

JOKER IS TOO EFFING COOL

THAT MOVE TO GET FROM THE ENTRANCE TO TO TREASURE DOOR? Awesome!

Damn, Joker has my heart too.

I kinda wish we could see Futaba's costumes in her Persona. That would be pretty neat.

The moment right before Wakaba appears is so aesthetically pleasing.

...Futaba being happy is almost enough for me to accept Maruki's offer, and I haven't gotten there yet.

Ryuji and Ann keep smacking each other out of their ailments. Like, you guys just love each other so much! It's awesome.

Joker has lackluster responses to Wakaba... I'm hoping that isn't one of those "Answer these wrong and you break her!" things... Not that I think I was, but still.

I liked Futaba's new animation for when she defied her mother.

I wish the anime looked more the cutscenes. I'm trying to rewatch the anime so I can pinpoint specific moments for future editing purposes, but it's kinda painful.

1- This is the SECOND TIME you've landed on Yusuke while running from trouble.

2- YUSUKE LET GO OF MY GIRL

No Makoto, I don't want to go see Futaba with you! I can go see her myself.

So, I like Takemi's new voice with her lines during this scene.

Sure, she collapses every so often and sleeps for a while. Stays like that for a few days. Sorry that I put her into a coma for a month, Boss...

SHE LOOKS SO CUTE WITHOUT GLASSES

Guys, we have a month. Stop worrying.

THE TWINS ARE SO CUTE WHILE HANGING ONTO THE BENCH PRESS

Damn, Joker's dying to the amusement of two little girls.

I'm kinda disappointed I didn't get results for all that training. But I liked the scene.

Yusuke just casually be lugging bigass paintings around.

Taking the girls to the church may have been one of the funnier moments. These cement them as Joker's little sisters. With Futaba. Damn, Joker, you got no brothers.

Yusuke promises to come by every day and we can tell him to take his clothes off. ATLUS, you have some EXPLAINING to DO.

..And Yusuke took it and ran with it. My sweet summer child, I don't think I could handle you in as little as possible on the day to day.

"The heat induced delirium made me think outside the box." Same.

Guts takes sooooooooooooo long to level up.

"Punish me more" he says, as if Takemi won't do it.

"Good god. Well, none of my medicine can cure THAT." AT LEAST WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE

BATHHOUSE WITH YUSUKE

Awe, he had fun. :)

#Persona 5 #akira kusuru #shuann #pegoryu #pegoryuann #persona 5 royal #yusuke kitagawa #ann takamaki #Ryuji Sakamoto #Pretty Boy Ryuji

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raspberrygyus · 2 years

Note

Hi 👋 I have been a new followers since abt 3-4 days n I wanted to let u know that I'm in love with HOLD YOUR BREATH - honestly, the way u have written r every single word 😔👏 u have me hooked.

On the other hand _ the deaths devastated me _ Jake bcoz he gas been through thick n thin with the mc and Sunoo bcoz .... well, he is Sunoo 😭🤌 like who the hell tries to hurt him come fight me istg 🤜

No but really, Sunoo was my last straw. He didn't even have much screentime (?) and yet he is one of my favs if not my fav (pls I think I can go on n on abt why he is my fav but I think I should stop here).

As for her girl best friend ............................lmaooo.

What the hell is up with her 🤚💀 I swear at this point if she saw a dead body n Minho passing by it _ the first thing she would inform would probably be "I saw prof Minho".

No but seriously what is up with her .... her best friend is being stalked by a psycho ...... why is she so chill ?

I read the post where u said that the whole friend grp was the definition of id ego n superego _ her being the id which means immediate gratification without thinking abt any consequences. I'm kinda just baffled at this cause if I were her (id) I'd follow her like a shadow, I'd even follow her to the washroom (that's what I mean by doing anything without thinking abt the consequence) _ seriously tho, I'd be worried n basically do anything for her not to be alone n then there's her 💀.

Infact it would have been better if it were her with the mc in place of Jake n Sunoo :

1) I'm assuming this is set in Korea (considering the majority of the characters) - n in Korea (or in almost all Asian countries) same sex relationships are non-existent (bcoz of the society), so when u see two girls together, the first thought will always be "oh they r friends" never "oh they r lovers".

2) The main reason why the stalker even thought of eliminating Jake n Sunoo bcoz they were men (opposite gender) n spent much time with the mc _ which the stalker automatically assumed bcoz they liked her romantically.

Other than that I love ur writing💖 _ I'm really not kidding, I waiting for this sick bastard to get caught, i'll be waiting 🥳

#avengeJake #avengeSunoo (they deserved better)

OK WOW that's an impressively long ask, it was truly a remarkable read.

I'm glad you liked the story, and hopefully it will retain its coherency as I write because sometimes it's just rambles on feelings for characters.

Sunoo really didn't get a lot of screentime, though, right? That's mostly just poor planning on my part, to be honest, there's a lot of timeskips in between because I was worried the story was dragging on for too long and not a lot of action was happening. I was planning in elaborating his character but then I have this really nasty habit of not sticking to my plot plan to a T...

Which I think comes to the next part about Sooji—like I mentioned earlier, I never really wanted her to go past a certain point, and she was always meant to be a window for the viewers to explain what happens that doesn't get written. Both Sooji and Soobin were supposed to play roles that allowed viewers to see what happens to the other characters that Y/N doesn't interact with. It was really meant for me as a cheat code to lay out some of the off-screen actions might not be accessible because of the limited point of view. I think part of it has to do with the fact that this isn't a written fic, adding on to the fact that I wanted this to be a solely Y/N-limited viewpoint (at least for the social media part, but I ended up breaking that so that was a hard pass.)

However, I think what you said really makes sense, I'll make a note of it the next time I write something like this again (I think I just need to do more research), and mostly because it's just poor storytelling on my part (and me starting this story without fully fleshing out the story from the get-go so there were a lot of changes that were made to the story as it progressed). I'll be fully sure to actually plan out my stories and make sure that characters stay relatable. Or rather, the next time around, I'll attempt a story that isn't so ambitious. This was a story that I had in mind for years, but only the major points of the story were determined, whereas the in-betweens were very vague...

I did also think of why Y/N wouldn't spend time with Sooji because she was afraid of Sooji getting hurt. The reason why was not because the stalker might see her as a potential love rival, but solely because the stalker would do anything to get anyone, regardless of that person is a man or a woman, out of the way. Jake was never considered as a romantic interest but because he was protective of her, he was killed. If Y/N were to stick to Sooji, then she, as a protector of Y/N, would have been in danger as well, not to mention Soobin, who is in the same boat, role-wise. I didn't have any intention of killing them off because they still have roles to play, but I guess it's just another page in a book now.

The id, ego, and superego were only meant to be decision making aspects, because for the three of them, Soobin was the mature one who was always protective, whereas Sooji was the one who would always enable Y/N to do just whatever. Perhaps if I had adjusted her role in the beginning to be a mere friend instead of a best friend, it would maybe make sense...or a superficial friend of sorts who's kinda flimsy in terms of her loyalty. Her role has been reworked a little bit, and there will be parts later on in the story to fill in the gaps that need filling, and I will explain why she acts the way she does as the story reaches its climax...

Whereas Soobin will be phased out.

Thank you so much for the long ask and the constructive criticism! I'll work these into the rest of the story and upcoming stories. Hope the rest of the story will continue to hold interest ;; I really, really appreciate your comments!

I think I should stick to writing romance/angst after this lol /lies down

#heehawbish asks #hold your breath #hold your breath plot talk

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irarelypostanything · 3 years

Conversation

RWBY Volume 8 Pitch Meeting (ScreenRant Ripoff)

*Spoilers*

Producer: So I understand you have a new RWBY volume script for me

Writer: Yes sir, I do. And before we continue, I really want you to know that I hate RWBY fans

Producer: What?

Writer: Yeah, I just spent the last month on a subreddit called r/rwbycritics. Now I hate all of them

Producer: rwbycritics? Do you think maybe there’s also a subreddit for people who like the series?

Writer: Probably not, and now I’m mad. They complained that it was stupid to bring Penny back, so I’m going to kill her again. Twice. We’re going to make Winter the Winter maiden

Producer: I guess that makes sense. How is she going to die?

Writer: She’ll realize that her death is necessary so that they can transfer her power, so she’ll have Jaune stab her in a move so shocking, even Cinder will be surprised

Producer: Oh my god. Oh, speaking of Cinder-

Writer: Right, everyone complained that Cinder was lame in the last volume. So I thought that in this one, she would kill way more people. We’d also expose her backstory, where it turns out she was an orphan who was abused and then murdered her abusers before turning on her mentor

Producer: Will that backstory make us sympathize with her?

Writer: It shouldn’t, no. They might at first, but then everyone will seriously question why she kills her mentor instead of knocking him out or something. Maybe it's because she feels betrayed, but it still will come across as extremely brutal and unnecessary

Producer: What about the rest of the group? What about Ironwood?

Writer: Continues to be an unwavering figure who threatens to destroy Mantle with a bomb. Probably his semblance

Producer: What’s his semblance?

Writer: Read the wiki

Producer: Fine

Writer: Salem is finally going to arrive. It’s the moment everyone has been waiting for

Producer: Is it going to be hard to defeat her?

Writer: Actually, it’s going to be super easy. Barely an inconvenience

Producer: Oh really?

Writer: Yeah, Oscar is just going to reveal that his staff had several lifetimes worth of power pent up. It’s going to shoot at Salem and neutralize her, so that she won’t be able to come back until just after the finale

Producer: Very convenient

Writer: Not really, no. Salem probably could have come back earlier, but she really enjoys watching people tear themselves apart and kill each other

Producer: Why?

Writer: Because I hate RWBY fans and want them to know what it’s like to see your supporters turn against you before they turn against each other

Producer: Again, there’s this other subreddit you should check out full of people who think you’re the greatest writer ever and-

Writer: RWBYCritics really liked volume three, though. Why do you think that is?

Producer: Because it had an extremely likable main character who had to make a difficult decision, complete her character arc, and deal with her own abilities and limitations?

Writer: Nope, I think it’s the death. So we’re just going to have Ironwood start killing people

Producer: Wasn’t he already doing that?

Writer: Then we’re going to have Watts plant a virus in Penny, but the biological side of Penny will be able to resist

Producer: Okay. So I’m guessing they’ll have to roll back Penny’s software, or find the rogue process and terminate it, or locate malformed code and purge it?

Writer: What? No. They’re going to let Penny open the vault, use the staff of creation, and get rid of the virus

Producer: Great!

Writer: But that will cause the entire city of Atlas to fall from the sky

Producer: Uh-oh!

Writer: The Staff of Creation allows them to create anything, but the previous creation will be destroyed. So they’ll get rid of the virus, then build a series of portals to evacuate everyone else...and then Cinder will arrive during evacuation and just try to carry out a massacre so she can get the maiden powers. In the process she’ll betray Neo

Producer: Is a massacre and betraying Neo necessary to obtain the maiden powers?

Writer: No

Producer: Fair enough

Writer: Then the genie of creation will warn them that the nexus is over a bottomless void and that they can’t fall in no matter what

Producer: Could they have asked him to do it without creating an endless void?

Writer: Maybe, but if that were the case I wouldn’t be able to let all of team RWBY fall into the endless void

Producer: WHAT?

Writer: You heard me. All four of them are dead. Jaune, too. And Weiss’ dad. Everyone except Ironwood because that’s literally the only character they like on r/rwbycritics. I also want one of the Ace operatives to have to kill himself, and I want Qrow to live only so that he can witness an entire city burn and then flood

Producer: Burn and then flood?

Writer: Yup. Cinder’s creation request is to add fire

Producer: Is that creation?

Writer: Sure

Producer: So...is that the series finale?

Writer: Yes. The series finale is that all four of them die

Producer: That doesn’t sound like something that will make us money. Maybe we should add an after credits scene that doesn’t explain anything but reveals that they might still be alive

Writer: Fine. So what do you think?

Producer: I like that you’re taking a dark turn in this volume, but I feel like there are a lot of other options they could have pursued with the Staff of Creation

Writer: It’s going to look awesome to see people fight over transparent platforms with illuminated portals before plummeting to their untimely deaths

Producer: Oh, okay. Is it really necessary for the villains to kill so many people, though?

Writer: Yes. Oh hey, now that you mention it, it would probably also be nice if we revealed that some of the Grimm are actually people grotesquely hybridized and possessed

Producer: Please stop

Writer: I can’t. I just want to punish our fans for turning on the series

Producer: Not everyone has turned on the series. You’re only focusing on a subset of the community

Writer: I’ll let the corgi live

Producer: Oh okay. Good. Where does the void go?

Writer: Death

Producer: No…

Writer: Hell?

Producer: How about the afterlife?

Writer: That’s what I just said

#rwby #rwby volume 8

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sweetiepie08 · 4 years

Text

RebelZ Chapter 8

Invader Zim fanfic

While analyzing Zim’s PAK for weaknesses, Tak discovers strange coding that sends her on a search for answers. The clues lead her to uncover a conspiracy that governs all of Irken society. When the truth sends her on the run, she has no choice but to return to the one place the Tallest would never willingly go: Urth.

Meanwhile, Dib has noticed odd changes in Zim’s behavior. Has the invader simply grown bored of his mission over the last few years, or is there something more interesting going on?

People who asked to be tagged: @incorrect-invader-zim , @messinwitheddie, @reblogstupids, @cate-r-gunn, @agentpinerulesall

If anyone else would like to be added to the tag list feel free to message me. Also, if you’re on the tag list and you changed your name, please just let me know.

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9. Chapter 10.

[-]

The problem with back-seat space travel was, Dib decided, you couldn’t really tell where you were going. This was especially concerning with Zim at the helm. In fact, leaving Earth with Zim, having to rely on Zim to get home, was probably not the smartest move in the first place. But he did manage to get them to Ecore. The first leg of their mission was complete. All that was left was to go home. That should be the easy part.

However, Zim was concerningly quiet since the ship took off from Ecore. There was no scolding Gir, no boasting of his pilot skills, and not even a peep about whatever Kristlotch had said in the temple. Tak was able to explain the basics. Krislotch told them the secret history of the Control Brains, called rebellion hopeless, and insulted Zim multiple times. Perhaps Zim was just stewing over it. But, if that was all, why did he feel this crushing tension?

Something on the console beeped and Zim scrolled through a sea of Irken text, eyes darting between Dib and Tak. He hadn’t used the voice command system, which was especially odd. From what Dib learned operating Tak’s ship, voice commands was the standard for Irken tech. Zim had to have switched it off manually. The question was, why?

“Hey Zim,” Tak snapped, “that was Zorgad 16.”

Zim kept his eyes straight ahead. “So?”

“So we’re going the wrong way.”

“I know exactly where we’re going,” Zim countered.

“Clearly you don’t. Keep going this way and we’ll…” Her eyes grew wide as some horror dawned on her. “You scum!” she screamed, launching herself at him. “You traitor!”

“It is you who are the traitor!” Zim declared, barely holding her off.

Dib’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. “Zim, what did you do?”

“Gir!” Zim commanded. “Hide and seek! Now!”

“Okie Dokie!” Gir’s robot arms wrapped around Dib and Tak and threw them in the back of the ship with the cargo. “You hide!”

Before they could recover, a metal door slid down, blocking them off from the cockpit. On the other side, they heard Zim command Gir to count to 1 million.

Tak let out an enraged scream and pounded on the door. “Coward! Liar! Boot-licking little worm!”

Dib let his face drop into his hands. “I should have seen this coming. I’ve fallen for his schmoopy act before.”

“No, I should have.” Tak punched the door one more time before leaning her forehead against it. “When I discovered the truth, my first thought was of freeing my people. For that, I was branded traitor and my life clock went off. His never did. That is only possible if he was still loyal to the empire.”

“Can’t you blast through the door with your lasers?” Dib suggested.

A digital monocle popped out of the mechanism on her head and covered her eye. She examined the door for a moment before letting out a sigh. “If I set it powerful enough to penetrate the metal, it’ll also pass through the windshield, exposing us to vacuum space.” Defeated, she leaned her back against the door and slid down to the floor.

“So,” Dib said, sitting down beside her, “what now?”

[-]

Some time later, the ship approached the Massive. They noticed the change in gravity as a tractor beam grabbed hold of the Voot and sucked the ship onboard. They heard voices talking outside. One was certainly Zim, but Dib couldn’t make out what was being said. A few minutes later, the doors to the cargo hold opened and Irken soldiers dragged them out.

Dib found himself surrounded by tech he could only dream of, though the situation left him little room to marvel. The hanger held space craft so strange, he couldn’t being to imagine how they worked. The soldiers held weapons he’d never seen before. And above them all loomed the Tallest, living up to their title.

“Hmm… Urth humans really are tall,” the Purple one observed. “Not as tall as us of course but…” Dib assumed the reason for this one’s perfect English was that it was, in a way, talking to him.

“Yes and, as reported, dumb,” Zim added, “as evidenced by the fact he fell for my cunning trap. And, of course, I brought the traitor, Tak, as promised.”

“Yes, these two truly must be dumb if they fell for your plans,” the Red one said. Dib waited for Zim to react, but nothing happened. Unbelievable. Did Zim really not notice the insult, or did he just not care?

“Good work, Zim,” the Red one went on. “We knew we could count on you to bring in the traitor.”

Zim nodded solemnly. “Yes, she tried to sway my loyalty with her treasonous lies, but I never bought them for a second.”

Tak let out a growl and jumped to her feet. “Zim, you know damn well I never-AH!” One of the guards struck her with an electrified weapon, sending her back to the floor.

“And still she persists. Tragic.” Zim tsked and shook his head. “Now, about my reward?”

“Oh yeah, right,” the red one said. “We’ve got a party set up for you in the main snack hall.

Seriously? “You sold us out for a party?” Dib seethed, moving to get up. “You egotistical son of a-AH!” He was also hit by the same weapon, forcing him back to his knees.

Zim snickered and stood above him. “Zim is son to no one but the empire, Dib-stink.”

“Alright then,” the Purple one chimed in. “Now that everything’s settles, let’s execute these prisoners and get this party over with.”

“Wait!” Zim shouted. Everyone stopped and looked at him while Dib raised an eyebrow. What was he doing? “My Tallest, I humbly request to keep these two prisoners alive as trophies for my party.”

“But then we execute them after?” The purple one asked.

Zim nodded. “Oh yes, sure, of course.”

The Red one shrugged. “Okay, fair enough. Stick those two in a cage in the main snack hall until after the party.”

“Excellent!” A wide grin appeared on Zim’s face. “Gir, come with me,” he said, starting down the hall. “We must begin preparing my special punch.”

[-]

In short order, Dib and Tak were placed in a cage and forced to watch as Irkens mingled amongst themselves. They all took to it with the enthusiasm of the scientists in Membrane Labs attending the annual, mandatory, holiday party. They wore forced, uncomfortable smiles and attempted small talk. Every one of them looked like they were counting the seconds until they could drop the charade and return to their normal lives.

Suddenly, Zim’s robot popped up in Dib’s field of vision. “Want some punch?!” Gir shrieked, shoving a cup of purple liquid in Dib’s face. “It’ll make you sick!”

Dib cringed as he looked in the cup. “Uh… no thanks.”

“Gir! Get away from there!” Zim shouted, stomping up toward them. He grabbed the cup out of the robot’s hands and began pushing him away. “Humans and traitors don’t get punch,” he tossed over his shoulder as they walked off.

Dib watching Zim head up to the high table at the front of the room and sit down with his Tallest. Much like his dad at those holiday parties, these two were likely the ones who least wanted to be there.

Dib gave the bars another pathetic shake before giving up and turning to Tak. “So, you got any ideas?”

“What’s the point?” she asked, laying flat on the ground.

“Uh, the point is, if we don’t get out of here, we both die.”

“Is dying a prisoner any worse than living as a mindless slave?” She sighed and turned her head to look at the crowd. “Look at them all, human. They don’t even know what they lack. Every one of them is going to die serving the empire and none of them will be thanked or even remembered. Hundreds will be sent to their deaths and hundreds more will take their place. The smeeteries will replace them as fast as they’re killed off. That thing doesn’t care about sacrificing its own food because it can always make more. Kristlotch was right. It is hopeless.”

“You know, sometimes I feel like my people are slaves too,” Dib said, sitting down next to her. “Not to a hive mind parasite, but to other things. The media, corporate greed…”

“I know. I specifically targeted that flaw in my first conquest plan.”

“Right…” Dib rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about how well that almost worked. “Anyway, sometimes I think Zim is right. Humans stink.”

Tak shrugged half-heartedly. “Eh, Irkens are particularly sensitive to smell. You probably smell fine for a human.”

“No, I meant metaphorically,” Dib went on. “Anyway, my point is, just because humans stink now, it doesn’t mean I should give upon them. It’s one of the reasons I want to prove aliens exist so bad. I want people to know what’s out there. I want them to be a little better, a little smarter. I want them to stop worrying about petty problems and work together to improve the world. If they do, who knows? Maybe we can actually join this greater universal stage.”

Tak’s face stayed impassive as she considered his words. “Dib…” she began, sitting up, “not all humans stink.”

He smiled. “And not all Irkens are mindless slaves.”

“No…” Her eyes narrowed and the Tak he knew returned. “And none should be. Dib,” she said, jumping to her feet, “we’re breaking out of here.”

“Great!” he said, jumping up as well. “What’s the plan?”

“I…” she paused and her enthusiasm melted away, “need to think about it.” She sat back down on the floor, but her schmoop was gone. She sat with her back straight and one hand on her chin, thinking, plotting.

They were interrupted by a clinking sound from the high table. They looked to see the Red Tallest flicking the side of his glass with one long finger. “Alright everyone, Zim wants to give a toast with his punch. Everyone get a glass so we can get this over with.”

Gir handed out cups of punch to every Irken in the room.

“Did everyone get one?” Zim asked accepting one cup from Gir. The robot nodded. “Excellent!”

Dib shook the bars and let out a groan. “If only I knew what he was saying.”

Tak sighed, tapped her PAK, and a small microchip floated into her hands. She then reached up and shoved it into Dib’s ear.

“Ow, what was that?” Dib said, rubbing his ear.

“Back-up universal translator,” she explained with a groan. “I’m speaking Irken. You hear better now?”

“Yeah, why didn’t you do that earlier?”

“You didn’t bring it up.”

Dib shrugged, conceding her point, and they turned their attention back to the crowd.

“Come on,” the Red Tallest sighed, impatiently tapping his cup. “Make your speech so we can end this party and get back to important things.”

“Right.” Zim cleared his throat. “Friends, I stand before you today proof of what a true Irken can accomplish. Genius, ingenuity, ambition, these are the things that make an Irken great. With these an Irken can become whatever they want and crush their enemies. To victory!”

“To victory!” the crowd answered back and drank.

Dib kept his eyes glued to Zim though the speech. When Zim lifted his cup to his lips, Dib’s eyes went wide.

“Tak did you see that?” he whispered.

“What?”

“It's Zim. He didn't drink?”

“How can you possibly know that from all the way over here?

“He didn't tip his cup back far and he didn't swallow.” Dib explained. “And look.”

Zim's eyes scanned the crowd and he quickly checked something on his wrist.

“Is he checking the time? Look at him. He's up to something.”

Tak only responded with a skeptical look.

Dib sighed. “Listen, if I can be considered an expert on anything, it's obsessing over Zim, and you may not guess it from the everything-about-him, but he can be cunning when he wants to be.”

Tak got up and joined him at the bars. Her eyes narrowed as she scrutinized Zim’s expression. “If you're right about this,” she mused, “then the question is, why does he want to be?”

The Irkens lowered their now empty cups, except for Zim who still held him onto his. “Yes, Irk is mighty and prosperous,” he went on, tapping a sharply clawed finger against his cup. “It's such a shame Spek couldn't share in our prosperity.”

“Spek?” Dib turn to Tak. “What's a Spek?”

Tak could only shrug. Dib looked back over at the crowd. They looked just as confused as he felt.

“Spek?” the Purple Tallest mumbled to the Red. “I don't remember any Spek.”

“Spek!” Zim shouted throwing, his cup down and jumping on the table. “The smeet who died in the Death Melee because of your attempt to have me killed! It wasn't your first attempt either. You sent me on my mission to Urth, hoping I’d get lost in the vastness of space.”

“Zim…” The Red Tallest said in a warning tone.

“You sent me to hobo 13 and bet on which drill would kill me.”

“Zim that's…”

“You lied to me about the true nature of the Death Melee so I would die for your entertainment. You gave me a smeet, one who hadn't even seen his first cycle yet, as my partner, just to lower my chances of survival. Do you deny it?”

“Enough, Zim!” the Red Tallest roared. “You can't speak to us like this!”

“I can! I am!”

“Remember you are speaking to your Tallest,” the Purple one shouted back.

“I have no tallest!” Zim declared proudly. “I don't take orders from you anymore, and I haven't since the Death Melee! For 0.3 cycles, I've dreamed of nothing but my vengeance and I shall have it!”

The Purple Tallest laughed. “Ha! Vengeance? Look around you. You're surrounded by the top tier of the Irken Armada. How exactly do you plan on getting past them?”

“Aww, too bad Zim,” the Red Tallest said with a mocking pout. “Looks like you failed, just like you always do. Your vengeance is over before it's even begun.”

Zim looked down on the device on his wrist. He smirked and looked up at his Tallest with the cold fury in his eyes. “My vengeance has already begun.”

At that moment, a General dropped to the floor and began convulsing. More and more Irkens followed him. Zim’s smirk grew with each new body that hit the floor. Finally, the Tallest started convulsing as well.

“You won't get away with this,” The Red one choked out before collapsing on the floor.

He flashed a wicked grin. “Oh, I think I just did.”

Zim’s pack legs deployed as he jumped off the table. He scuttled over to the cage and, after hitting a few buttons, freed Dib and Tak. “Follow me,” he yelled and led them out of the snacking hall.

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fizzingwizard · 4 years

Text

Alright alright alright digimon adventure: episode 21, go!!! Last week I was interested to see if the pretty vague ep 21 preview was gonna be a mostly dull fight type filler ep or if the reason for the vagueness was there was too much plotty stuff going on for them to reveal. It’s the latter, I’m happy to say!

It was really cool!! There was a lot of good stuff so YAY! Anything I write here will be a spoiler but let’s just say that T is a very important letter in the alphabet! multiple Ts, in fact!!

Cap of the day: my boy being AWESOME

Let’s get to it! under the cut as usual

Now last week’s episode was A LOT. We rescued Takeru who no one even knew needed rescuing, gained and then immediately lost the Holy Digimon, got him back in the form of a digi-egg, and then immediately lost THAT too. Honestly I get why it’s Chosen Children and not Chosen Adults - adults would be like “are you KIDDING me all this work with NO PAYOFF I am gonna SUE”

Patamon’s digi-egg has been abducted by this guy... Skullnightmon? It seems he was a Xros Wars character. I had to look him up because at first I tried “Scarlnightmon” because Idk I was thinking Scarlet Night??? like night of blood and death??? idk. and Google tried to autocorrect it to “Scranton.” Uh... yeah. Skullnightmon makes more sense because of the BIG ASS SKULL on his breasplate. -.-;

It occurs to me how little I know about any Digimon series other than Adventure X’D I mean, I’m not gonna do anything to change that, but.... yeah I’m gonna continue to mix up stuff like this. His loyal steed is Darkmaildramon.

Yamato, of course, is immediately like Protective Mode On.

So at first I was a bit worried that this ep was gonna just Move Things Along as usual and Yamato wasn’t going to react to his little bro randomly being in the digital world. Let alone in the clutches of pure evil up until just recently. When you’re caught up in battle it’s admittedly hard to find time to Talk about stuff but COME ON

Fortunately, thought we don’t get a lot of Talking, we do get a bit. Like this cute moment where Takeru tries to explain what happened and Yamato’s just like “We can talk later” and gives him this adorable head pat. Ok, fine. I can live with that. It’s better than nothing xP

They arrive at the creepy castle which Taichi recognizes as the place Ogremon directed them to. It looks very evil and in front of it is a giant equally evil moat.

They also find this sinkhole sort of thing which Takeru promptly rushes over to stand at the very edge.

Yamato: OMG kid I look away for ONE SECOND

le gasp! Takeru finds a shiny feather at the edge of the hole! It’s a sign of the holy digimon! We should go investigate!

Oops first we have to find this gross Garurumon knock off... Its name is Splashmon but I think it should be “MeltedCrayonGarurumon”

Splashmon is apparently also from Xros wars and can turn into liquid and take on the form of other Digimon... I don’t know if he’s always this shit at it though. Maybe being controlled by evil is the reason for all the meltyness because he looks pretty cool in his wikia:

rofl...

Splashmon showers them all with acid rain and Yamato protec baby bro :< *wibble*

He then carries him to safety like this. xP

Yamato: Takeru, hide!

Takeru: This bottomless pit that reeks of evil seems like an ideal hiding spot. Niichan will be so proud

No but seriously... looks like we don’t get cowardly, crybaby Takeru this season. The kids getting to y’know Be Human about stuff is a thing it looks like I’m going to continue to miss in this reboot. But on the other hand, I genuinely DO enjoy Takeru throwing his all into saving Angemon.

Skullnightmon sticks Angemon’s digi-egg here where it gets chained down by evil vines. Very evil. Also seems like overkill, I mean, it’s an egg, what’s it going to do, roll off the platform?

We then switch gears and rejoin the kids in the real world, where Koushirou has, apparently overnight, if not in the last five minutes, created an update for their digivices which enables them to always be in contact with their partner. I don’t really get the details but that appears to be the size of it. We also catch up with Mimi and Jou.

At first I thought this was a school, but no, IT’S MIMI’S HOUSE. She has a PERSONAL CHAUFFEUR. Like, 99 Adventure Mimi was well-off, that was especially clear in 02... but... WOWZA.

Mimi’s parents look as stupid as ever xD I love them. They’re joined by her grandpa. After having been gone for three days with no explanation, Mimi’s parents are just like “Don’t you want to take it easy at home today?” when she says she needs to go out. Mimi’s just like “I gotta do what I gotta do!” (ok she actually quotes her grandpa from back in her intro ep but) and leaves like nothing happened.

.... I think grandpa might be dead. He doesn’t move the whole scene. Doesn’t even change his expression. I guess his mouth is a bit more open but that could just be because rigor mortis hasn’t quite set in

Meanwhile in Jou’s (normal, average) apartment, we meet SHIN-NIISAN!!! He’s as much of a dick as ever. I love him. Jou’s parents were mad because 1) he was gone for three days, 2) he skipped cram school, 3) he lost his textbook. I think Shin’s basically like HECK yeah finally my little bro shows his cool side! So he decides to be an enabler. GOOD, seems like Jou needs someone to be on his side at home ;_;

Their Digimon partners are traveling in the interwebz like... this... -____-;

They end up tracking Calmaramon, who is indeed Calmaramon.

I remember from Frontier when Renamon evolved to Calmaramon everyone gave her SO MUCH GRIEF for not being sexy. Wasn’t there like this whole episode devoted to how beautiful Izumi’s evolutions were and then Calmara the Squid Woman shows up and everyone’s like “ewww gross yuck!!” And ok I know she’s evil here too. But guys I JUST THINK SQUID WOMAN IS WICKED AWESOME OKAY. Like that is a LOOK. Versace take notes.

Like can we get some body positivity??? There is NOTHING wrong with being half-squid. Zephyrmon is not better just because she wears lingerie! Bet she can beat everyone at the swim meet. Also tastes yummy fried or raw with soy sauce.

ok I’m done. I’m serious about loving Calmaramon though. I have so many Frontier issues I totally forgot about >_>;

*cough* so yeah Calmaramon and those little green Digimon virus things take control of some boat and Koushirou’s like Uh-Oh Danger Will Robinson. Piyomon tries to attack with Magical Fire and is surprised, for some reason, when it does not do much. They are very much outnumbered and Calmaramon is clearly a much higher level than them so WHY do they think child-level is gonna be enough??

So this is cool!! Koushirou appears to be learning to read digi-code! He sounds out Calmaramon’s name by himself. We still pretty much have the question of why Taichi could just read digi-code fluently (well, almost? he randomly couldn’t read everything at the fortress if memory serves) and Koushirou has to sound it out... will we get an answer to this or?? Like if it were Takeru or Hikari I’d just assume it’s their Magic Baby powers at work but it was never made clear if just Taichi can read like this or they all can, and now it seems like maybe they all can’t since Koushirou’s trying so hard here...

Meanwhile Takeru...

99 Yamato would never have taken his eyes off Takeru for so long lmao

though it makes more sense if this season’s Takeru is more independent which he seems to be

Splashmon turns out to be really tough to beat, because he’s lost his mind and therefore holds nothing back xP He crushes MetalGreymon and WereGarurumon to the ground, infecting them with miasma.

At this point I was disappointed that Taichi and Yamato were still so clear-headed... like when are you gonna worry about your partner dude?? He gets the Crest of Courage because he’s never felt fear in his life??????

But then, their next move fails and WereGarurumon de-evolves back to Gabumon, while MetalGreymon is still in Splashmon’s clutches. He proceeds to pretty much make MetalGreymon’s arm wither away...

And Taichi FINALLY looks worried. ABOUT TIME.

Takeru has made it to the bottom of the hole, where he is startled to find this giant eye. I would also fall right on my bottom if I suddenly came across a giant eye.

Giant eye seems interested in Takeru’s digivice, so Takeru politely lets him have a look. BLINGGGGGGG.

Giant Eye: Ow ow ow turn it down!!!

Takeru: Sorry it’s LED!!

Taichi runs to rescue MetalGreymon in the... most ineffectual way possible... I love him...

The miasma can even hurt humans, it appears. Even though he’s in pain, Taichi doesn’t give up, and we get to hear Yamato shriek “Taichi!” all scared and adorable-like.

Taichi passionately reminds MetalGreymon about what they’re fighting for and succeeds in motivating him to be less dead.

Taichi: GIMME A V DOT THE I CURLY C T O R Y VICTORY!! *CLAP CLAP* VICTORY!! *CLAP CLAP*

Yamato: Incredible... so this is the power of a Pep Talk...

Taichi’s Pep causes MetalGreymon’s arm to... fall off... but it’s ok because it sprouts a long wiggly band of light uhhhhhh which then turns into a Giant Gun. So all is well. because MetalGreymon didn’t already have enough guns

MetalGreymon succeeds in defeating Splashmon and we seem some purple crystal sort of thing disappear, my guess is that’s what was controlling him. Agumon falls from midair and Taichi catches him like this.

They cute. They also need a break. Well, Agumon needs a break, I honestly think Taichi doesn’t even have an Off button...

Just when you think things can’t get weirder... Giant Eye appears.

Takeru’s on top of him looking all cool! Till he immediately falls!

Yamato catches him somewhat more adroitly than Taichi caught Agumon xP

The eye belongs to ElDradimon!! I love “animals with worlds on their backs” so this is totally up my ally. My first guess about the eye was that it was gonna be one of the digital sovereigns but this is still pretty cool.

Sooooooo cooooooooool

Yamato doesn’t even lecture Takeru about going off on his own and not hiding like he was told. SO DIFFERENT CANNOT COMPUTE. But looks how happy Takeru is to be praised by his bro for helping ElDradimon. Awww.

I’ve got to now reevaluate how I think things will go down because I really expected Takeru to be something that drives a wedge between Yamato and Taichi. In the old days, Yamato was super protective but Taichi would let Takeru do whatever and Takeru got a little boy crush on him which fed into Yamato’s inferiority complex. But if Yamato’s not overprotective and Takeru is already capable on his own... New directions are good though. I won’t be sorry if they don’t rehash all that BUT I need it to be replaced with something else. Taichi can’t just always be serious, Yamato can’t just always be cool... I like the reboot but I am still on edge about the character stuff.

... Yeah so ElDradimon was mega cool and then... he opened up his VACANT head... bahahaha.... bahahahahahahahahahahaha

So what I really liked about this ep was what I saw as parallels drawn between Taichi and Takeru on the theme of “Do anything to help your partner.” Takeru can’t stop looking for Angemon’s egg, that’s why he goes into the hole after finding the feather. He might not know what’s doing but he’s still gonna do it. Taichi knows a bit more and he’s usually so calculating and strategic, but when MetalGreymon looked on the verge of defeat he threw caution to the wind and tried to save him himself. Okay, not the first time we’ve seen this, true, but it did seem to be the running theme of the episode.

I know I didn’t really talk about how apparently the kids can now update their partners with new powers/gadgets?? by believing in them enough... but y’know that just sounds like the sort of thing a kid’s show would do. I almost miss the card game from Tamers... it would be cool to see the kids have to think and strategically choose what they want to equip their partners with. That was part of the enticement of Tamers, where Adventure was more inexplicable magic, Tamers relied more on intent. Taichi is such a strategist (and of course there’s also freaking Koushirou) that it seems a waste to not involve the kids in the decision making more.

Next week’s ep preivew was a bit hard to follow but 1) the animation looks better than this week thank heaven and 2) it looks like fun. And we get more bamf Takeru! Woot. Can I still say woot in 2020? I can because of senior citizen privilege right?

#digimon adventure:#digimon adventure 2020 #digimon adventure reboot #digi spoilers #digimon #fizz watches digimon 2020

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batboyblog · 4 years

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Tim Drake’s Costume through the years

I’ve been thinking about changing comics costumes over the years so I thought I’d go through one of my favorite character’s changing costume

1. The Classic 1989-2007

this classic look is Tim’s longest standing look, while different art would make it look different

but the basic look stayed unchanged for a long time, reason being it’s a good costume.

Notes: Tim in the animated Series

When Batman The Animated Series came along in 1992 they used Dick as Robin at first, but for sure they weren’t gonna put him in the green undies, particularly since he was drawn as an older teen/college student. So the show stole Tim’s costume

Now when Batman The Animated Series was rebranded as The New Batman Adventures in 1997 it was more kid friendly and brought in Tim as a young Robin. But how to tell him apart from Dick, well Tim was tiny and clearly a middle schooler but I guess that wasn’t enough because they gave him:

2. the “No touch me, I’m sad” Costume 2007-2009

you can see why I brought up the Animated series yes? Officially any ways this was about Tim being sad about the deaths of.... well everyone he cared about but in particular Superboy he changed his costume to Red, Yellow and Black Superboy’s “colors” though I don’t think T-shirt Conner had yellow in his costume? maybe the yellow was for Bart. But pretty clearly it was meant to bring Tim’s costume in line with the animated series for some reason.

3. Red Robin 1, the condom head 2009

So when DC went a little crazy and made Dick Batman, Damian Robin, rather than the logical choice, make Tim Nightwing, they nicked the idea of Red Robin from Kingdom Come with the costume. now this costume was struggle bus, designed with a beefy middle aged man in mind it always looked awkward on a skinny 16 year old. Also they struggled a little keeping it consistent

and well the cowl... “off brand Dr. Mid-Nite” “like the click top of a pen” and most famously “Captain Condom Head” so comic writers took any excuse to take it off, which did help

4. Red Robin 2 2011

In an attempt to do something better they came up with this, though it had a rather pointy mask

that nose guys! also it some versions it had pointed horns coming out of Tim’s long hair. yikes, luckily DC was rebooting all of reality to fix these problems....

5. Red Robin 3 New52′s Vegas Show girl 2011-2016

ah the famous showgirl wings, honestly I like them, but honestly the rest of the outfit is a train wreck

Belts belts belts! it’s very 1990s in that way, random belts everywhere for no reason

when you take the wings away you see how much of an over busy mess this thing was, and the Ts on his shoulders is a little insulting basically declaring he’s only a Titan and nothing else, he doesn’t have an R (or RR)

6. “Red” Robin 4 the Classic redux 2016-2019

With Rebirth DC admitted that honestly Tim had only had one good costume, the classic. While I love the Classic it’s clearly a very 90s look (in a good way) so the was a touch up to give the classic a more 2010s feel.

they finally admitted defeat and ditched the second R and just started calling him Robin, because Red Robin was a failed experiment.

7. Drake, Duck Boy 2019-

Because DC can’t leave well enough alone they took a perfectly good costume and code name and decided that Tim needed an ugly as hell brown costume and a code name that was dumb and not cool, Drake? seriously? pretty unlikely to last.

Note on hoodie boys

non-Comic Tim’s worth mentioning here, Young Justice, again a cartoon Dick Grayson stole a Tim Drake look

So when season 2 brought Tim around they needed a new look for him:

just kinda added sleeves, I guess adding green would have been a war crime? in season 3 they gave him a hood, like say....

Arkham Games Tim who is 400% Beef in a hood and looks nothing at all like Tim Drake.

#Tim Drake #Robin #Red Robin #this was fun

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1zashreena1 · 4 years

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The Homicide is Hot -12

18+, m/f/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Princess struggles with her own morality. But all cats are gray in the dark, right? Oh, and Diego has an epiphany.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Literal murder guys, seriously*** Protective Diego, feels, a blow job, plus size woman+fit man, insightful and helpful Julio, f o r e s h a d o w i n g

A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you would like to be tagged or removed.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic @symbiont13 @nicke0115 @bunnykjm @rosee-sensuelle @girlpornparadise @mandoplease @heresathreebee @xxsteph-enrixx @jetiikad @joalsglasses @mutantcookiesecrets @demoncatstone @squidlywiddly87 @lockedoutofmyotherblog @poeedamerons

gif by @el-cheung

"Its hot when he's homicidal." There. You said it.

Okay but remember that time when he stabbed two dudes and carved an ear off of a third? And you were gonna like, die if you didn't blow him IMMEDIATELY???

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.

Wait, wait. Maybe this is … good? That is not the correct word but you know what I mean. If I'm going to be with someone in his position then I need to be able to handle everything that entails, right?

You glance over at TMP, the small stuffed panther is facing you on the breakfast bar. You know its ridiculous, but you feel like he's watching you. It only takes half a second, but you flip the stuffie around so he can't be a voyeur just like his namesake.

The small dry erase board in your lap reflects sunlight back up into your face. Its covered in anxious scribbles regarding last weekend, you're desperately trying to sort them into some semblance of helpfulness. It isn't going well.

I already know he is in love with me, straight out of the horse's mouth. Lol 'horse'.

Seriously. You cannot go one day without a dick joke.

I love him. I mean, how can I claim to love someone if I don't accept all of them? He doesn't maim indiscriminately, it has a point. Is it justified? I don't know. Do I trust his judgment on it being justified? I think I do. I guess the better question is: Do I care?

I'm already in it. He's paying half my bills, he already paid off all my debt. I've accepted so many gifts with the knowledge that they were bought with laundered drug money. Hell, every article of clothing I'm wearing right fucking now was purchased by Diego. Also, he said that those guys lost a shipment to the tune of EIGHTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, so you know, that's an accessory charge. At this point, even if I decide I have some arbitrary moral high ground, I'm definitely rolling around in a ditch, legally speaking.

You've always known that your morality was a bit off center than most people's, but being with Diego has put it into sharp relief. There are so many things that are illegal that you just don't care about. And your very visceral reaction that night was irrefutable proof.

-----------------------------

Last weekend

Diego does not like the cold. The heat in the SUV is turned way up, you already closed the vents on your side of the backseat. You're on your phone, pretending to ignore the massive hand sneaking under the hem of your dress while your legs are flopped over his lap.

Diego rumbles at you, the phone comes down just enough for you to peek over the top at him.

"Yes? Is there something you would like, my Murder Panther?" Your smirk is damn near audible as you question him.

His eyes trail down to your lap then back up before he answers in a growl, "There is something I would love." The rockiness of his voice never fails to make you quiver just a tiny bit.

Just as those long fingers brush your thong his phone chirps. Repeatedly. And then starts ringing.

Diego snatches the cell out of his jacket pocket and hisses at the screen. Not good, you think. He answers it with a tirade of Spanish, shoots you an incomprehensible look, then retreats from you. Nooooo.

Being the only one in the car who doesn't speak Spanish is its own variety of delightful hell. Bastian and Julio are exchanging meaningful looks in the front while you just have to wait. Diego has gone quiet, which is utterly terrifying.

He disconnects the call, then passes the phone to Julio, who shows it to Bastian, who then changes course.

Diego reluctantly pulls your dress back down as you drop your feet to the floor. He raises a thick arm and tucks you into his side underneath it before kissing the top of your head apologetically.

"We have to run an errand."

-----------------------

The warehouse looks like it came straight out of a Law and Order episode. Its abandoned yet eerily lit from the inside, there is a suspicious assortment of motley vehicles parked outside, and two tattoo covered dudes toting semiautomatics appear as you pull up.

"Please tell me those belong to you." You mutter quietly. Your immediate concern is Diego's safety.

Diego gives you the shark smile. "The men or the guns, Princess?"

In the dark, at this incredibly sketchy location, and with the threat of violence thick in the air, he is actually a little bit scary.

You swallow the apprehension and glare at him with a raised chin. "Yes." You snap, crossing your arms in a stubborn huff. Holding his gaze right now is kind of intimidating but you manage it.

"Si, everything here is mine." His voice is hard as steel but the hand that comes up to grip your chin is gentle. It takes a second for you to realize that he is including you in that group. And that you like it.

You take in his features, those eyes are black in the darkness, but the silver in his beard glints in the partial moonlight. The defined jawline, his long straight nose, those perfectly framed velvet lips, thick brows and even thicker hair. So fucking gorgeous. Cupping his bristly cheeks, you whisper one requirement, "Just make sure to come back to me, baby."

Diego leans his forehead down on yours briefly, then kisses your nose. "Wait here for Diego, my Princess." His voice is dark and dripping with emotion. Julio opens the car door from outside and Diego steps out, adjusting his jacket and tucking the abalone-inlaid gun into his pants. He doesn't look back as they walk away.

Bastian steps out and closes the driver's door to smoke. The only door left open is the rear passenger next to where you sit. You're too preoccupied to stay focused on your cell. You look up to see that Bastian is on his phone, Probably his boyfriend checking on him. You can certainly understand that.

Faint voices float out of the open warehouse garage door, but everything is in Spanish. You slide down to the pavement and pace slowly. Its been almost twenty minutes, should you try to check on him? Each lap of pacing takes you ever closer to the empty doorway, purely by happenstance of course, until finally, finally, you can see people inside.

There are three men kneeling on the floor, surrounded by at least two dozen others armed to the teeth. There are more guns than you have ever seen in your life, all being handled casually. Diego paces slowly in front of them, rattling off some rambling array of options, judging from his tone. Whatever he just said must have been unfavorable because two of the kneeling men start crying and begging. I should not be here.

Diego digs both hands deep into his pants pockets, as though searching for a lost item, only to pull out the larger of the switchblades that you know he always carries. Ambling forward, he snatches the man furthest from you by the hair and yanks his head back. The angle looks excruciating, but what happens next is infinitely worse. The blade glints under the overhead lighting as Diego slides it smoothly across the man's throat, triggering a cascade of red.

Diego just slit his throat.

Diego just killed that man.

Diego just committed murder.

You're frozen. Think. Think. If you move now someone will hear your shoes, you stuff a hand into your mouth just in case you make any noise. Your plum dress and black booties should blend into the night, thank fuck the dress is longer so there's less gleaming pale leg to reflect the moonlight.

I should go I should go back to the car I should go home. Your thoughts are racing but you can't look away as Diego skirts the rapidly expanding pool of blood and approaches the next man. He leans down to listen to the doomed man's pleas, one huge hand on his shoulder in mock comfort. Almost faster than your eyes can follow, Diego stabs him three times in the chest. The man coughs, then chokes on blood. Diego nudges him backwards to the floor with an expression of mild disgust before he can cough blood onto those exceedingly expensive shoes. The noise of his death is a quiet gurgle.

You can't feel your legs. Your stomach plummets and your heart rate leaps. This is Diego. This is my man. This is who he is and what he does. And this is what happens if you wrong him.

Just like I'm doing right now?

Sudden understanding makes your palms sweat and your jaw shake. Breathe. I trust him. You know, all the way down to the bottom of your soul, that he would never do anything like this to you.

I'm different.

I'm special.

I'm important.

I have power.

The thrill of getting away with something courses up your spine.

All of these men are his to command, available at his beck and call, and his to dispatch as he sees fit.

And you? Diego belongs to you. This powerful man chooses to kneel at your feet and pleasure you with his mouth, he dotes on you with gifts and gourmet dining, he waits for your text responses with baited breath. You want nothing more than to belong to him.

Movement snaps you out of your own head; Diego is approaching the last man, all confident stalk and predatory grin. A different feeling settles low and deep in your abdomen. Murder Panther. MY Murder Panther.

Diego strokes over the man, no, this one is younger, the young man's hair. He is definitely an adult, but hasn't been for very long. Diego is whispering in his ear, the guy nods frantically and tilts his head toward you. You watch in morbid fascination as Diego carves off his ear.

Diego wipes the blade off on the man's shirt, then pats him on the head as he walks off casually. He gestures to the group as he puts the knife away and they close ranks to help the lone surviving man to his feet and carry him off.

Before you can jolt your body into retreating Diego turns to head your way. He glances up… and sees you.

His face, Oh no. Shock, horror, dismay, annoyance, and finally, determined resolution all cross his features in under three seconds. He uses his broad body to block you from his men's view and marches you back to the SUV. "Get in." He snarls, but he doesn't push you.

You slide all the way across the backseat to crash against the opposite side and Diego follows, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He scrubs a hand down his face and turns to you, expression grim.

You can't imagine what you look like, Probably a scared little bunny. But what you feel like? Oh, that is a different story. Damn near everything about what you just witnessed was so fucking hot. The actual homicides were kind of 'meh' (What is wrong with me???), but his power and ability and danger? Those you are definitely into.

He looks simultaneously defeated and defiant. "Well?" He barks with an expectant gesture. "This is me. This is what I do. You call me Murder Panther, but its different to see, isn't it, Princess?" The way he spits out his pet name for you hurts. He's lashing out in fear. He thinks I'm gonna run.

You keep your eyes locked with his as you reach out to his leg. He flinches at the contact but stays stiff. Your voice is smoky and dark, "I need you. Right fucking now. Give me your dick."

For the first time since you've met, Diego is speechless. His jaw hangs open while he watches you sink to your knees in front of him. Seemingly paralyzed, he just blinks as you rip his pants open and yank the material down over his hips. The instant you achieve clearance for his cock your mouth is on him. Your moan must vibrate the entire vehicle its so loud.

"Princess!" He finally gasps. "You. What. Fuuuck, what is. Oh, hell yes." His hips jerk and you dig your nails into his lower abdomen. He is fully erect in seconds, a little confusion isn't enough to cockblock Diego. Big hands flit through your peripheral vision erratically before settling on your head. The angle is finally correct and you slide him all the way down your throat, he practically howls with it. "Ahh, h-haaa. Jesus fuck, that feels so good. Shit, shit. Princesss."

The way he calls for you, writhing with it, is almost too much. You moan back but don't stop bobbing your head on his length. Firm suction intermixed with sporadic long licks of your broad tongue have him leaking steadily in no time. Your left hand cups his balls, squeezing gently just to feel him tense up. He's salty, but not bitter. You want it. You need him.

Your right hand snakes down to hike up the dress. Once it’s over your wide hips you spread your knees so you can sink down onto his shoe. He doesn't notice at first, not until your hips start rocking in time with your suction.

He grabs a fistful of hair to get your attention. "Are. Fucking christ woman, are you riding my foot?!" His eyes are huge, mouth open to pant.

You nod tightly, "Mm hmm." The moan vibrates all along his cock, causing his hips to rise off the seat.

"Ohh, oh fuck. You're so wet. I can hear it." He groans as though in agony. The thrusts begin to pick up pace and you grind down onto him. Your mouth can open just wide enough to accommodate the majority of his girth, you already know your neck is going to kill you tomorrow. Worth it. The skin of his cock is silky slick with both of you, he glides across your tongue easily but it requires pressure to fit him down your throat. Its like consuming fire, you're burning up from the inside out and its painfully perfect.

In the darkness of the unlit SUV you can't see anything, you can only hear Diego moan and pant while your nose is buried in the soft hair on his lower belly. The intensity of being engulfed in his scent drives you to distraction, you grind down hard on his foot and you're so, so close. His hips lift off the seat to push deeper and you ride his motions, swallowing around the head of his cock. One enormous hand sinks deep into your curls, he pulls gently just because he knows you like it. His purr is deep, "My perfect little Princess."

That's all it takes. You drop your entire weight onto his foot to shudder and whine as an orgasm rips through you. Hips jerking in time with each spasm deep inside, you ride out all the waves without ever breaking rhythm on his dick.

Diego is frozen in shock as he realizes what just happened. He pulls you off, much to your whining disappointment, to stare down at you in awe. He stutters a little, "Good. Girl."

The instant he releases ringlets you dive down onto him with renewed vigor. The emphatic praise only spurs you on even stronger. Everything is wet; his dick, your mouth, his pants, your chin, the seat, your dress, his shoe. Everything. The sounds, the way he tastes, you're desperate to have him.

"You want this? You want Diego?" His voice is so rough, so harsh. You nod tightly and moan for him, high pitched and hoarse. "Princess, so damn good, take it. Take all of me. Fuck, you look goddamn amazing on my cock." His hands stroke endlessly over your hair, his hips are jerking harshly and you know he is close. "Shit. Shit shit shit. Come," he is gasping, panting, "Come again for Diego, mi amor." His body stiffens, his legs shake, the grip in your hair tightens, and his head drops backwards to the seat as he pours down your throat in scorching jets.

Diego collapses, boneless and breathless, but you don't release him. Your right hand shoots down between your legs to work your clit furiously while you continue suckling softly.

"Yesss," he sighs upon noticing your actions. His voice drops low, overflowing with sinful threat, "You come for Diego. Pretty little Princess, all mine. Follow orders, come on your Murder Panther."

It breaks you. Your whole body seizes up as you wail for him, clenching down on nothing in painful ecstasy. Finally relinquishing his cock, you flop face down into his lap with an exhausted groan. Diego melts back into the seat and you both just lay there, panting.

Diego raps on the door window but stays slumped down and loose-limbed.

Bastian unlocks the SUV, then pops the driver's door to stick his head inside. "Yeah, boss?" The blonde studiously avoids looking lower than Diego's face. You can hear Julio chuckling behind Bastian.

"Fuck the club. Take us home." Diego decrees lazily. You sputter joyful laughter directly into his pants.

You ride home curled up in his lap, snuggled into that salt and pepper beard you love so much while Diego feathers kisses all over your face, the knife cradled in your hands.

------------------------

Diego stumbles down the stairs the next morning, yawning hugely, only to find Julio in the kitchen, unashamedly raiding the fridge. Bastard, Diego chuckles.

"Manito! We need to talk." Julio gets right to the matter. "Before Gordita gets up." He adds pointedly.

Uhh, what. "Fine. Talk. Also, are you eating carrots at 10:12am??" That is disgusting.

Diego plops down onto a barstool and stares dejectedly at the espresso machine until Julio rolls his eyes and turns it on for him.

"Look, you need a check, eh?" Julio sighs but stands firm while Diego side eyes him suspiciously. When no objection comes, Julio forges on, "She saw you murder two people and cut an ear off a third last night, right? And her response was to blow you in the car? Fucking ride your foot to come, what, twice?"

Diego smiles dreamily, "Yeah. It was a good night." So. Much. Licking.

Julio passes him the steaming mug, "If you don't put a ring on it, pendejo..."

Diego nearly drops the mug as his closest confidante walks off into the living room.

Shit, Julio is right.

#damnit diego #murder panther #rough me up then dick me down #24 fucking 7 hours in this house #zash writes #some whiplash #feels and dick #dick and feels

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recurring-polynya · 4 years

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I’m a huge RenRuki fan so I’m stoked to find this page of glorious work and active engagement relating to this topic I could go on about! I was wondering... during their separation, do you think Renji and Rukia slept with/dated other people? One more than the other? Just wanna know your insight since you put so much depth into their relationship. I love it. (I personally like to think that Renji had a bit of a “hoe phase” especially while he was in the 11th)

Tumblr is so great, I can’t believe people actually value my opinion on this stuff (this is absolutely one of my favorite topics). Thank you so much for your kind words, and I am ecstatic for the opportunity to pontificate on this topic.

Just to clarify, if you were asking for my opinion on the source material, and I had to “support my opinion” or “cite references”, my actual interpretation of canon is that no, they were absolutely celibate during this time. Rukia had a cute li’l crush on her vice-captain and Renji probably went on one very heterosexual date with a girl once and felt bad about it for a year.

When I am being generous and world-buildy, I like to consider the fact that shinigami are souls. They do not have bodies or hormones and so I can get behind the idea that bonds of family and friendship are far more important than sex and attraction, because those are fundamentally earthly concerns. In the hands of a thoughtful, talented, preferably ace writer, this could be an incredibly interesting setting but that is, uh, not consistent with any other aspect of Soul Society, including the fact that they sell sexy calendars of the captains, plus Kubo took the time out to canonically remind us that Soul Reapers poop and have babies.

So, instead, here is the horny Polynya headcanon version, which is what you probably wanted anyway. I’m putting it under a cut because it gets a little R-rated, and also it’s hella long, but the short answer is Renji absolutely had a slutty phase.

Some people headcanon that Rukia and Renji were actually in a romantic relationship at the time of her adoption, and if that’s your reading of it, and you want to believe that they waited for each other out of loyalty, I suppose I can get behind that.

I don’t think they were together, though. I waver from time to time about how physical their affection got in Rukongai, but I think they fell in love and never admitted it. When their last friend died, they both became absolutely terrified of losing the other, so they came to the Seireitei in order to get strong and not die. I don’t think Rukia ever wanted to be Soul Reaper, to be honest. Given the strength of her principles and her particular moral code, I do think she is a great one, in the style of “I would never want to be in a club that would have me in it.” Consistent with Oetsu’s trial in the Royal Realm, I think Renji was born (died?) to be a Soul Reaper and Rukia knew this and also that he would never go unless she went with him. She absolutely regarded getting him into Shin’ou as saving his life and getting him where he belonged.

Once they were in school, I think they had to keep their distance socially if they wanted to succeed. The Gotei runs entirely on nepotism, and Rukongai kids who don’t adapt are looking at Squad 11 or 4, best case scenario. Even if they were aware of their feelings for each other, they had to play it cool for now. Renji is a long-term planner, and I think he set his sights on pass tests -> graduate -> get Gotei position -> live happily ever after with Rukia. Rukia is not so good at long term planning, and also not so good at formal education and I think she just got depressed and salty, especially because she was never sure if he actually returned her feelings or not. I absolutely think that when she accepted the adoption, she assumed she was leaving Renji to his live his best life, and at least going somewhere she was wanted.

Even though we, the reader, are presented this story as a tragedy, in many ways, this is exactly what they had hoped for. They lived. That’s it. That’s all they ever wanted. Renji got to have his perfect job and Rukia got to live in indescribable luxury. They are both so, so happy about this and have no idea why their faces are so wet right now.

The last thing either of them wants, to be honest, is the other one pining after them. They have each accepted trudging through their life in misery because they think they have made the other happy. There’s a scene were Byakuya shows up to the Squad 6 holding cells to announce to Rukia that he has no plans to save her, and Renji looks just devastated, not just because Rukia’s gonna die, but because he thought he was sending her to happiness.

Also, on a meta level, I am middle aged, and for me, the romance of only ever being with one person is boring as hell. The idea that they would get together and lose their virginity to each other just makes me indescribably tired. Childhood-friends-to-lovers isn’t actually that interesting to me-- it is the separation itself that makes it spicy-- that they went off and had other life experiences-- and sexual experiences, and came back found that they loved this person even more now.

I headcanon Rukia as very horny and pro-sex in theory, but has is a big problem of opportunity. On one hand, I think she and Byakuya have a firm don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy, where as long as she stays out of the gossip columns, he doesn’t care what she does. On the other hand, though, I feel like secret affairs are kinda hard to manage, especially since she entered the noble network late in life. Anyway, I figure she’s had a number of casual affairs, mostly with other nobles who are invested in not getting caught, and also do not have any interest in any sort of emotional attachment. I think Rukia is absolutely bi, and mostly slept with ladies because they were more likely to be discreet, although there was probably a dude or two in there somewhere. Rukia only has two relatinship modes-- detached and ride-or-die, and she was very careful to keep everything in category 1, because she had no expectation of ever having a functional relationship that would go anywhere; no one she was actually interesting in being with would ever pass Kuchiki muster. I think she tried dating a nice boy from Squad 8 once, and everyone in Squad 13 thought it was the cutest thing they had ever seen. They went on three dates and never kissed and Rukia hated it and never did it again. She let herself have a huge crush on both Kaien and Miyako Shiba, because she was absolutely sure it could never go anywhere, and that definitely played into her devastation at their death. She may have had some Bad Decisions Sex in the wake of that, but I think for the most part, the affairs became more trouble than they were worth, and she’s been on a pretty long dry spell around the time we meet her.

That being said, I think Rukia is a lady who takes care of herself, if you get my drift. I think she has an extensive collection of erotic romance novels, a good imagination, and Kuchiki money worth of self-service sex toys. I think by the time she and Renji actually hook up, she has decades worth of pent up fantasies, and fortunately for her, he is intrigued by her ideas and would like to sign up for her newsletter, please and thank you.

Speaking of Renji, let’s talk about Renji! After Rukia left, I think Renji Made Some Plans and buckled down into a long, hard haul of Making Himself Worthy of Seeing Rukia Again. He made it through school, he went into Squad 5 with Izuru and Momo and... lost 90% of his momentum. This is exactly the scenario of the kid who busts ass through college to follow their dream, and then two years into their dream job, realizes that they are going to be formatting pivot tables in Excel for the next 15 years before they get to do anything remotely interesting. At this point, Renji is young, hot, bisexual, inked, and not very satisfied with his day job, and Thus Began the Ho Period.

Momo and Izuru hate this. They hate it so much. They have both had big crushes on Renji since school and they are right there. It wouldn’t be so bad if he would find a nice sweet partner that they like, but no, he just goes off on weeknights and comes home reeking of alcohol and covered in hickeys and ruining his career even though his job performance is actually fine. The fact is, even though he has always acted like he doesn’t know, of course he knows they like him, he’s not dumb, but Izuru and Momo are the type of people who mate for life, and Renji absolutely knows how badly he would break their hearts. He can’t even talk about it with them, all he can do it pretend like he doesn’t notice and hope they’ll realize what trash he is. He still loves Rukia and will always love Rukia and has made peace with the idea that he will likely never get to be with her-- he’s still working towards it because he must, because it would kill him to give up, but he knows that he’s only good for a fight or a fuck and not much else. Their friendship gets increasingly strained until Momo and Izuru can’t understand anything he does and he can’t stand them caring so damn much.

Anyway, this escalates in deciding to leave Nice, Respectable Squad 5 entirely, and joining the French Foreign Legion Squad 11. Squad 11 respects a man’s right to wallow, and Renji takes a swan dive to rock bottom. His only saving grace is his training with Ikkaku, which he takes absolutely seriously. Yumichika eventually takes interest in Renji, and teaches him how to take care of his hair and have standards. Yumichika and Ikkaku realize that if they can make him Functional, they can get him to do paperwork, so they help him beat the Sixth Seat and let him start hanging out with their friends.

Renji is still sleeping around at this point, but at least he’s sleeping around with a better class of people. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Polynya, has Matsumoto ever pegged Renji? (You probably weren’t actually thinking that) The answer is yes, Matsumoto has absolutely pegged Renji, and she was utterly delighted to give Rukia tips later on. Rukia does not begrudge Renji his slutty period in the least, because she knows that, given the opportunity, she probably would have been Worse, and also, he’s slept with 3/4 of the Gotei and picked her out of all of them, and also, he’s just incredible at oral.

The slutty phase tapered off when Renji had a bit of an actual relationship with Shuuhei. First of all, they are absolutely each other’s types, physically. Secondly, Shuuhei (whom I headcanon as significantly less pathetic and more bisexual than in canon) would be able to handle being in a relationship that is fun and supportive, even if it’s not destined to last. He is well aware that Renji is devoted to beating Captain Kuchiki and that he’s never going to truly be able to be in love with anyone until he gets some closure with Rukia, but that’s a long way off, and Shuuhei’s got his own baggage, who doesn’t have baggage? So they sleep together and go to the bar together and hold hands sometimes and tool around on the motorbike and wear a lot of leather and Hisagi cooks Renji food and Renji eats it and they’re pretty happy for a few years.

Eventually, around the time he gets serious about trying to make vice-captain, Renji starts to hang out with Izuru and Momo again, who have recently made vice-captain themselves, and are really happy to see that he’s gotten himself back on the wagon. He’s started thinking about Rukia a lot again, and he’s feeling a little bad because he loves Shuuhei, but he’s not in love with Shuuhei, and also, Shuuhei and Izuru have started looking at each other when they go out drinking, so Renji claims he needs to concentrate on the vice-captain’s exam and they have some nice breakup sex and then he sliiiiiides on outta there like a good bro and is very happy for his friends when they start hooking up.

Did that cover it? Boy, I had a lot of thoughts on that, huh? To summarize: They both saw other people. Renji had way more sex, just a tremendous amount of sex, but always carried a torch for Rukia (not really intentionally, I think he would have liked to be able to get over her, he just couldn’t), whereas I think she really did give up on him for a while.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, please read my fanfiction, where I am constantly hinting at all this stuff, I swear I will eventually finish that Squad 11 story.

#renruki #bleach headcanons #rukia kuchiki #renji abarai #i have at least 3 in-progress fanfics that tackle various aspects of this #maybe i should... finish one?#¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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mab1905 · 3 years

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Things I needed to get off my chest, referring to the last epsiode of Supernatural.

WARNING: EVERYTHING YOU’RE ABOUT TO READ IS A PERSONAL OPINION, IF THIS FACT GETS YOU HEATED THEN GET OFF MY PROPERTY.

WARNING: (PART TWO) I USE THE WORD QU**R — UNCENSORED — AS A GENERAL TERM FOR THE LGBTQ COMUNITY, I ALSO USE IT AS A PERSONAL SEXUAL IDENTITY. IF THIS WORD TRIGGERS YOU THEN KEEP SCROLLING PAST THIS POST.

We all knew how this was going to end. Whether you’ve watched forever or stopped years ago or have never seen it but know the jist because of all the shit that’s been going around tumblr; you knew how this was going to end. And it was never going to be explicitly queer, it just wasn’t. Somehow, despite knowing that, it still hurts like a motherfucker. I’m disturbed. I’m actually disturbed. I’m disturbed as a queer man, I’m disturbed as a fan of the show, as a fan of the writers, as a fan of Misha (who is all good in my books because we all knew he put his heart and soul into that fucking confession scene despite knowing the horseshit that was gonna follow). So let me break this down.

Part One: The episode, in of itself, kinda just sucked.

The begining I liked— I thought, okay, some reminiscent stuff, they said it would be like older episodes, they’re referencing shit, they got a dog, okay sure. This is sweet. J2 knocking it out of the park with all the brotherly banter. I laughed, it was nice. The introduction of the monster was scary, an elevated classic. Some good old dean and Sam torturing the monster, I’m digging it. Going to some rusty old building, suspense where you see the monster in the background, a good time, you know? But that death scene— w o w. Now, I actually like the idea of Dean dying suddenly with something seemingly so small and trivial, (great life ends with a whisper not a scream, right?), but it was TOO sudden. It came out of nowhere in a bad way. The whole fight, them finding the monster, the brief flashback to someone from a past epsiode we had all forgotten about, it just felt so rushed. Rushed to the point where, throughout the entire death, I was just waiting for Dean to smile and say “sike.” I literally couldn’t believe it, and not because I was sad; how it happened, how it was written, was so awkward that I couldn’t believe they actually had it happen. I actually didn’t believe it until Dean’s body was burning. That’s how in shock I was. And even though Jared and Jensen were acting their asses off and doing a great job of it, it didn’t effect me emotionally at all, cause it just felt so weird, like I couldn’t take it seriously. Then that feeling lasted throughout the rest of the epsiode. Every thing that happened after that felt forced and unnatural. Like I was watching the YouTube Original knockoff of my favorite HBO show. It didn’t even end with Dean and Sam in the Impala. Them looking at the lego pieces stuck in the air vent or putting in a cassette tape and letting a NOT COVER VERSION of Wayward Son play. Why the fuck were they on a bridge.

Part Two: Cas.

It would have been almost better, if they hadn’t said anything at all. If it was just Dean and Sam for the entire epsiode and that’s it. I could have gotten behind that. But the second they made some half assed comment about moving on and sacrifice, it was fucking over. Any respect I had for this show was thrown out the window because I knew he wouldn’t be mentioned again (and I was genuinly shocked when he was). I wasn’t expecting a kiss, or for them to hold hands, or even for Dean to reciprocate at all, but that? What they fucking did? Every single bit of character development, every scene, every amazing bit of acting, all of it to feel like it was essentially thrown away with “we gotta just move past it.” We all knew it was a queer bait, we knew it from the begining, and I had prepared myself to be disappointed from the moment I started watching this show, but that just made me angry. Really truly angry. And no it’s not just a fucking TV show. It’s the longest running sci-fi show to date, it was the spec of queer representation people latched onto during their childhoods a grew up with, it is what influenced the lives of hundreds of thousands of people— and for them to essentially take the queer character that so many people had associated with and looked up to and seen themselves in and trusted and used to keep them going, and just push them aside and say that’s okay? They actually looked at that, they looked at the two lines this character who carried the entire show on his back was mentioned in, and said that’s okay? Again, I prepared for it, but to see it done so damn shamelessly, so blantanly, was just a fucking punch to the gut. Like I never truly realized how little they cared until now. I’ve been abused and bullied on the basis of my sexuality before, and it really does feel similar, certainly not as bad, but similar, because it’s coming from the exact same place in their minds. Even if they don’t truly mean to be homophobic or hurtful, that part of their brains told them this was okay to do to the people who had followed them and sung their praises for years. Well guess what. You’re done. You can leave now, thanks, but no thanks.

Part Three: Paint a Rainbow On Your Impala

I told my friend this, who has been watching the show for longer than I have, and who owns two toy model impalas: “keep your impala and paint a rainbow on it and hang it on your wall because fuck those assholes we didn’t need them to make it gay we did it ourselves.” I will not be boycotting the show entirely, and neither should you. I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to watch another full episode after this. That was it. That was really just... too fucking much. So that’s it. But I’m not going to pretend I won’t look up my favorite scenes once and a while. I’m not going to stop loving Cas, I’m not going to stop loving Misha ‘cause it’s not his fault for what the writers did. I’m gonna write a better ending in my head and read a fanfic and read metas from a few years ago and maybe make a gay crack video— because that’s the part of this that made me really happy. The queer part. The unashamed, open, diverse, amazing and wild queerness of this fandom and the development of this character. The part that the community built despite knowing the bullshit the show was putting us through. We held up this dumbass show because we had made an entire queer subculture for it to stand on. And maybe the source material is bullshit, but that’s real. That’s so fucking real and that on its own brings in enough representation for anyone too feel accepted and seen and heard. Music is very important to me, almost unmatched by anything else actually. I use it as comfort, as communication, as esacpe, as focus. I have a playlist for everything, and I have never in my life deleted a single one of them. It may seem like a small thing, but trust me it’s just one of those habits that’s built into my code and is so important to me. I was on the verge of deleting my SPN playlist, even just looking at it reminded me of how disturbed and wronged I felt. It was just so shitty and it made me feel shitty and it made anything connected to it feel shitty. But I came to the decision, that this is my fucking playlist, and Cas is our queer character, and he’s going to have lunch with the Crystal Gems and She-Rah and Deet’s dads from The Dark Crystal, and we are going to celebrate our own queerness within this community, and we are going to play “Angel With a Shotgun” SO loud and paint rainbows on our impalas and write the most passive aggressive fix-it fics we can and revel in this fandom and I will never touch another epsiode because F U C K. T H E M.

#supernatural #last episode #spn 15x20 #castiel #dean #sam #misha collins #spn #gay #lgbtq #pride #fuck em all we made it gay #queer representation

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chaos-family · 4 years

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All credit to @janus-come-back-to-us for this story. Its og form is a bit hard to follow due to changing blogs so here it is in one piece! It’s from our dear lawyer’s perspective (in case you couldn’t tell) and the “you” is Orange. Enjoy!

Alright, it technically started on 11:47 of March 26th

That’s basically how the toys r us looked, at first, because it was a dark and stormy night.

I had just left from a courtroom, and was finally outside for the first time in months, when I suddenly heard screams… lots and lots of screams…

I turned around, and there was the ambassador of France, and yourself.

You had lit their pants on fire, calling them a liar.

The ambassador was, obviously, enraged. They had sent security after you, so many bulky men were running at a child.

You, being the spawn of chaos you are, was about to shoot porcupine spikes at a bunch of security men and the ambassador of France.

Me, being me, saw the ambassador sobbing, and thought this would be an amazing case to get me a ton of money.

Instead, she thought I was affiliated with you— probably because of the orange shirt I was wearing at the time— so she shrieked, “OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE!!”

You, also thinking I was in on it (for some reason?) grinned, and threw a larger porcupine towards me to use against everyone.

I caught the porcupine without injuring it or myself, but when I looked up, half of security was surrounding me.

I didn’t really know what to do. All I ever knew had to do with the law, and it was a prominent one to not attack security, nor the ambassador of France.

You didn’t seem to care. Infact, you poked your porcupine on some random spot (I never got a good enough look) and instantly hit several security guards square in the chest with spikes.

(They didn’t die, but I’m pretending they did for the dramatics of it all)

With all of those men on the ground, at your feet, the ambassador was shaking. The ones around me were frozen in fear, even as I gently placed my porcupine down.

You took one step towards us, and instantly, all of the guards fled. I would’ve been impressed if I wasn’t so confused.

The ambassador flicked her gaze between us both, her mouth opening and closing, like she was trying to say something.

You picked up the porcupine at my feet, and scratched a bit roughly on it. It’s skin and spikes came off like paint— because they literally were paint— revealing a zhu-zhu pet.

The ambassador slowly, shakily, raised a pointed finger at us. Her eyes were practically bugging out of her skull in terror. She screamed, “I’LL GET YOU BOTH FOR THIS!! YOU HEAR ME?? YOU’LL BE LOCKED AWAY FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE!!” Before running off with her security.

Naturally, I was terrified. I was getting accused for crimes by the ambassador of France, and didn’t know what to do.

You had just laughed good-heartidly, like this was something you did all the time. You show me a kind smile, before saying, “hey, wanna go to toys r us?”

I blinked, “what?”

“My family’s shopping over there.” You shrugged, as if you didn’t just knock out several security guards and burn the ambassador of France’s pants. And possibly her legs. “So? Wanna come along?”

I gave a puff of a laugh, y’know, the way you do when you’re feeling like you’re in a fever dream. “I— I guess??”

We arrived to find the entire family shopping. I didn’t recognize anyone— obviously, I didn’t know anyone at the time— but you dragged me over to the zhu-zhu pet section.

I looked around in awe. Some of these sets didn’t look like toys, they looked like weapons. There were armories, training sets (of various types!!), blacksmith sets, it was like a medieval knight paridise. But for zhu-zhu pets.

You had looked around, trying to find something, I suppose, but my head was reeling from your earlier stunt with the ambassador of France.

My gaze travelled to a ceiling corner, as I watched the security camera zero-in on us. The lens expanded, the flickering red light sped up, and over the store’s microphones, I heard,

“We have a code orange with an accomplice, I repeat, a code orange with an accomplice. This is not a drill.”

Followed shortly after by an exasperated, suffering sigh, and a loud “ORANGE WHAT DID I SAY??” From across the store.

Geoffrey the giraffe came out of the back door, with several weapons on hand. But we didn’t see those for awhile, for he had decided to arrive in a tank.

You, somehow, threw a zhu-zhu pet into the middle of the tank-shooter-thing-that-I’m-too-lazy-too-look-up-the-name-for, before bolting out of that section specifically. I followed you, not wanting to get exploded by Geoffrey.

We rounded a corner to find parent one, their arms crossed across their chest, giving the most parental look I could ever imagine. “Orange.” They said, lowly, “what—“

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault!!” You interrupted, as if we hadn’t ran across an entire store after burning the ambassador of France’s— “I was showing my new buddy around!! So obviously, I had to show ‘em the zhu-zhu pets too!!”

Parent one looked at me then, which must’ve been the least not-guilty I’ve ever looked. Covered in rain from the storm, still trying to catch my breath from running across the store, still frazzled from the ambassador of France moment, I wasn’t exactly the pinnicle of neat.

So, very dignified, and totally not weakly, I gave a small wave, muttering, “hi?”

Parent one looked at me, unimpressed, letting out another suffering sigh. “How much did she offer?”

I blinked, “huh?”

“How much?” Parent one releated, opening their wallet, “you’re not going to actually get whatever amount they promised, but I can give you $20 or something, for the trouble.”

“I didn’t offer anything!” You said, very smugly, “they joined in the fun!!”

“Actually, I—“ I began, but Geoffrey had caught up to us. Parent one merely waved at the giraffe in the tank, but you had looked ready to run.

Quickly, little lego men had left the tank, scattering lego’s all over the store’s floor. It would’ve been a painful nightmare to escape now, unless you had shoes on.

Unfortunately, neither of us did. We dropped them off at the entrance earlier, since they were soaked in mud and rainwater.

“You can’t escape now, Orange.” Geoffrey said, aiming their clogged shooter-thing right at us. My eyes widened at the sight, especially when the lego men began to build their own canon with their spare legos, “this is the last time I allow you to rob me of my zhu-zhu pets.”

The canon was loading up, about to fire at any minute. My breathing quickened, panic coursing through me. Your glare at the giraffe only hardened, like you wanted him to try and stop you. Parent one remained exasperated, but calmly moved out of the way (a perk of having shoes).

The only reason why we weren’t blasted into smithereens, was due to a cryptid behind the tank, slowly rising in all of her cryptic glory. My jaw dropped at the sight, but you only grinned.

Geoffrey‘s tank was engulfed in shadows, and I never figured out what happened to it. All you said was “quickly, make shoes out of the legos!!” Which is what we did, before running out of that area of the store.

Unfortunately, Geoffrey was prepared. Around another corner, La La Loopsey dolls had begun to surround us, with needles and string in their hands. Very reminiscent of Coraline. You looked unfazed, even as they began to approach us with doll-like chants.

“What the hell do we do now??” I painted out, as you looked around for an exit.

“More like, what the hell did you do??” Came a voice. Turning around, we saw the same cryptid from earlier, spitting out a chunk of the tank, like it was a wad of bubblegum.

You grinned, “oh, not much. Just activated a code orange, y’know how it goes.”

“I most certainly do not.” She answered, glaring at you. It didn’t have the same tiredness from parent one, or the malice from Geoffrey. Rather, it looked... playful? “You left me out of the chaos. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such betrayal.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” You said, rolling your eyes. “I got a bit preoccupied.”

“Can you two stop bickering so that we don’t get sewn to death??” I said shrilly, as the La La Loopseys started drawing their planned sewing lines onto our legs.

Anyways, both you and the cryptid finally realized the La La Loopsey’s intentions. You kicked a few away, but double the ones you kicked just took over.

“Quick, what’s your species??” The cryptid asked me.

“Uh— human?? What is going—”

“Damn, so nothing supernatural.” She said, letting out a huff.

“Quick, give me another doll brand!” You said, so the cryptid left (she was the only one not trapped) to find another doll.

I didn’t really have time to question the purpose of that, since you and I were trying to kick away the onslaught of La La Loopsey’s. “Seriously, what is happening??” I asked, exhausted.

“A typical Tuesday.” You answered, “though I’ll admit, these guys normally aren’t so persistent.”

“So this has happened before??” I turned towards you, flabbergasted, “do you have any idea how many laws we’ve broken?? We’ve assaulted security, and the ambassador of France, you committed arson with that stunt too. We’ve trespassed and area you’re clearly not allowed in. We’re committing property damage, currently—“

“Oh don’t be such a worry wart.” You said, flinging a doll across the aisle, “I just use monopoly money to bail out of jail.”

Monopoly... money...

I didn’t know what happened next (later, after the incident, parent one had filled me in), because I froze from the mention of the horrid money I was so used to losing from in court. You didn’t realize what had happened, and the cryptid hadn’t arrive.

The La La Loopseys— and in turn, Geoffery— were winning.

All seemed lost, for awhile.

You had been kicking La La Loopseys away from yourself and me, and for about 10 minutes, you had begun to worry.

The cryptid came awhile later, throwing a limited edition Barbie doll towards you. “Geoffery was prepared,” she said, “but luckily, I found her in the backroom.”

You wasted little time, quickly ripping the box open, displaying Barbie in all of her glory. The La La Loopsey dolls hissed, quickly losing interest in you and me, as they practically ripped the Barbie from your hands to assault her instead.

She will be missed.

You and the cryptid had to drag me away from the scene, finding a brief hideout in the backroom. “What happened to them?” The cryptid asked, flicking my forehead.

“I dunno, I just said something about Monopoly money, and—“

“YOU’RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS COURTROOM JEFFERSON!!” I hollared, stunning you and the cryptid for a moment. Apparently, the Monopoly money mentioned had made me automatically think I was in a courtroom, and my brain had been trying to calculate the amount of crimes I had to go against (that, and apparently I thought I was arguing against Thomas Jefferson, for some reason). I panted, trying to catch my bearings as you and the cryptid just stared silently for a moment. “... we aren’t in court, huh?”

“Not unless you count toys r us to be a courtroom.” You replied, “seriously, are you good?”

“No, I’m Green.” I answered, “a lawyer, in theory. Not one that typically gets chased down by giraffes and dolls.”

“So not a legitimate lawyer?”

“Shut up.”

Briefly, I learned who you, and the cryptid— Cerse, apparently— were, and that took enough time for some of the boxes to start opening from the inside.

Crawling out of them, at first, was a line up of toy story characters, which wasn’t so bad. But then the slinkies got out, and quickly used their dog heads and butts to wrap around all three of us.

Try as we may, escaping was futile.

Geoffery came around the corner, slowly clapping his hands. “Wow, and here I thought you might actually get away. But, as chaotic as you think you are,” he drawled, leaning in close towards us, “I’m always a step ahead.”

“I thought you took care of him.” You hissed at Cerse, once Geoffery leaned away.

“I did.” Cerse insisted, but it didn’t matter now. Geoffery snapped his hands (somehow?? How did that work he’s a giraffe??), and several buzz lightyears had turned on their wings, ready for the command to onslaught us.

“I’m rather impressed, y’know.” He said, turning around like some cartoon villain. “I never thought you’d keep trying, after coming here the 34th time.”

You snickered. I never learned what had happened the 34th time.

“But now,” he continued, turning his head a bit to study all three of us, “I have you right where I want you. And your little friends too. If you won’t pay in legitimate money, then I’ll make you pay for damages with your life.”

The slinkies tightened their grip. I thought all hope was lost.

Until, of course, I heard a car coming towards us.

Everything that happened next was a whirl of colors. The chaos family had stolen a car— somehow fitting everyone inside— with both parents in the front seat. Parent two shot at the slinkies with a nerf gun, making them relinquish their hold. You and Cerse stood quickly, running for the car, and I did my best to follow.

Geoffery was faster, however. He grabbed my arm before I could reach y’all, and held a surprisingly firm grip for a giraffe. “NOBODY MOVE!!” He shouted, several buzz lightyears flying behind him, “OR I SEND THE SPACE TROOPS AFTER EVERYONE.”

You looked between me and Geoffrey, and in a split-second decision, threw a box of matches at us, followed by a lit match. Geoffery shrieked in fear, quickly letting me go so that he could escape. I ran as far away from the flames as I could, hopping ontop of the chaos family’s car, before Parent one took a sharp turn, making a dash for the entrance of the store.

“You’re grounded, by the way.” They said, no room for argument in their voice.

You huffed, grumbling, “I figured.”

Outside, we were barely out of the previous— now destroyed— front door, before French military surrounded us. Helicopters, tanks, ground troops, you name it— and infront of all of them, stood the ambassador, her arms crossed.

“Relinquish the Drama Duo.” She said, loudly but calmly, “and nobody gets hurt.”

Slowly, the entire car turned around to look at us, a shared look of “what did you do” on their faces.

I know that says US but pretend it says French.

“What.” Parent one began, “did you two. Do.”

“I swear I didn’t have anything to do with this.” I said, raising my hands up defensively. No one seemed convinced, but at least they were more skeptical of you than me.

“I wasn’t trying to start anything.” You said, crossing your arms, staring at the ground. “Honest. I was just at the convenience store earlier, buying matches— y’know how it is. And when I went to pay for them, the cashier said Monopoly money didn’t count. I called her a liar. She called me a phony. Long story short, I found her tonight when she was walking to her car with a bunch of men. And I lit her pants on fire. I didn’t think she was the ambassador of France.”

“It doesn’t matter who you think they are,” Parent one said, heaving yet another sigh, “you shouldn’t light anyone’s pants on fire.”

“She deserved it.” You grumbled, but didn’t try to argue further.

“And what do you have to do with this?” I blinked, not expecting the sudden attention.

“I swear, I was just getting home from work.” I said, unsure of how to handle Parent one’s calculating gaze, “I only decided to enter the scene because I thought I could make a ton of money as the ambassador to France’s lawyer. I didn’t think this would happen.”

Parent two hummed, “I guess that makes sense. You didn’t seem like the regular accomplice Orange has.” They mused.

“They’re all the same at this point.” Parent one muttered, before turning around to face the ambassador again, “but for now, you’re all gonna want to cover your ears.”

The whole car did as told, with Parent two putting on large earmuffs over Parent one’s head. Parent one inserted a CD into the radio, and turned it all the way up. I didn’t read the disc, but I didn’t have to.

Not when a loud voice rang out, followed by, “the fitness gram pacer test—“

The military men all began to vibrate, as if they were holding themselves back. Several of them left their vehicles, unable to operate them at the time.

The ambassador, slowly, fearfully, turned around she looked terrified, as her top general muttered. “Ma’am... we can’t... we can’t resist...”

“You must.” Shs seethed, but they could barely hear her, “or you’re all fired.”

That made them try to repress their calling more, but it didn’t last for long. As soon as the signal rang, and the music for the first round started, the military ran. They had to prove themselves to be more physically competent than their fellow soldiers. It was a calling in their blood, one that they could never truly resist.

The ambassador shrieked in rage, but it was muffled by Parent one raising the volume. “Sorry, what was that?” They asked, deadpan, as the ambassador’s gaze hardened on our car.

“I’ll— I’ll get you.” She sneered, before shouting, “I’LL GET ALL OF YOU!! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE LOCKED AWAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!!”

Talk about a sore loser.

Parent one wasted no more time, at that point. They sped the car up, driving away as soon as Parent two chucked the— somehow working— stereo out the window, keeping the entire military distracted.

“Where are we going??” I asked, barely able to hold on to the roof of the car.

“Home.” Parent one said, “or at least, our current home. Probably gonna have to move out soon ‘cause of Orange.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad.” You insisted, even as parent one gave you with an unimpressed look.

“Sure.”

We arrived to the house after a very long drive, where I learned who the rest of the family was. Granted, I couldn’t really keep track of everyone at the time— since I was reeling from everything that had happened that night— but the calmer change of pace was a nice shift from being surrounded by the military.

We arrived at the house, where everyone unloaded their bags and went inside. I only went in because, lets be honest, all of that left me in desperate need of a shower, but I was stopped by the Parent duo— River and Cenn— before I could borrow their bathroom.

“So...” River— Parent two began, “you’re a lawyer?”

“In theory,” I answered, since I had shared a bit about myself during the car ride, “I do mostly criminal cases as the prosecutor. Why, is there any case you’d like me to check out?”

They shared a look with unspoken words, and I couldn’t really tell what they were saying. They turned back to me after a moment, with Cenn— Parent one— saying something, “well, have you tried... defending a criminal, perhaps?”

I blinked owlishly at that, “uh, not really, but I’m trained enough for it.”

Cenn nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer, “good. We’ve been looking for someone to help us keep our kids out of jail, but so far—“

“Woah woah woah—“ I cut them off, wringing my wrists, “listen, i appreciate your hospitality and help tonight, but there is no way I can keep these guys,” I paused, motioning towards all the kids to emphasize my point, “guiltless!! Especially if tonight is just a ‘typical Tuesday.’”

River sighed, a bit defeated, but didn’t seem to give up, “look, we wouldn’t persist if we weren’t desperate. At this point, buying monopoly playsets has been more expensive than what court fees would be. Just— start with one kid? If all of them is too much?”

I hesitated. On one hand, trying to make them all seem innocent would be a waste of time, since any judge could look at their track record and immediately have a verdict. But, on the other, the amount of money I could make...

I sighed, my shoulders sagging, “alright, who am I defending first?”

They both huffed a breath of relief, with Cenn turning, calling out “Orange? Could you come here for a moment.”

And that, everyone who decided to stick around, is the toys r us incident (and coincidentally, the night I became Orange’s lawyer). I’m not getting into the aftermath— because I have irl stuff to do— but yeah

note from C: this is a little off according to the master timeline but who cares

#chaos family #long post #gun tw #unlawful lawyer #orange #drama duo #local family cryptid

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middlingthebest · 4 years

Text

And They Were Roommates - Vampire AU!

Pre-Roman/Patton, Suggested Janus/Remus

Warnings: Mild Vampire-typical violence

Vampire!Roman, Vampire!Remus, Vampire!Janus, Human!Patton (victims!Logan and Virgil...)

W/count: c/4500 (too long for tumblr but I couldn’t resist)

Roman has two main problems in life. The first is that his adorable roommate is human and he is not. The second is that Remus is his brother. Both issues combine quite spectacularly when Remus invites himself over and Roman isn't there to stop him. He didn't know what he hoped for when he pictured Patton finding out he was a vampire but it wasn't this.

Roman had a problem. And yes, it might be one of those “regular” problems that came with being a member of the undead but it was still a problem.

“Roman can you get some more milk when you’re out? I thought I got some the day before but there’s none left.”

That wasn’t the problem. Well, it was a problem; he’d realised last night that it had been a while since he’d “eaten” some of the food bought in during the week and in his defence it had been a long time since he’d had to use milk with anything. He couldn’t quite remember what was and was not an appropriate amount to get through in one sitting but that wasn’t the problem.

The problem was that he was living with it. Him. He was living with him. He had a human roommate. An unbelievably adorable, funny, cheery, happy human roommate and Roman was in love with him.

Patton poked his head out of the kitchen when he didn’t get a response, smiling in that unobtrusive yet quietly concerned way he did when he wanted to make sure Roman was alright and Roman wondered if still hearts could skip a beat. He noticed the little smile on his own face about a split-second after Patton did and while his cheeks couldn’t heat themselves without a meal he felt them burn nonetheless. With a spin that was almost too fast to be human he turned away and busied himself with his sports bag, pretending to check his belongings before actually checking for his wallet and slinging it up on his shoulder.

“Of course! No friend of mine shall go without because of my own selfish actions.” He announced, loud to deflect attention from how awkward his own actions had been as he heard Patton step into the sitting room. He turned to face him with a more intentional smile and added, at a normal volume, “I won’t be long.”

Patton had gotten used to Roman’s late-night ventures out to town, “to the gym” he had told him early on in their friendship, and yet every night before he left, he stopped him in the doorway for a hug.

“Be careful, ok?” He insisted as he always did, the most testing part of Roman’s day and the most dangerous part of Patton’s as he stepped into Roman’s space and looped his arms around his midriff. Roman pressed his cheek to Patton’s shoulder, facing away from his neck as his scent sunk deep into his lungs. It begged him to turn his head, to press his face to his skin, to breathe in deep, to kiss, to bite.

“Of course I will.” Roman answered, pulling away from the hug and gripping tight to his bag straps with an easy, close-mouthed smile, lips straining against his fangs. “I’ll be home soon.” He repeated and stood smiling in the doorway. A beat passed. And another, until Patton’s eyes naturally flicked to the hall and Roman remembered that yes. Leaving actually involved leaving. He cleared his throat with a wave and was gone, Patton’s quiet laugh behind him reigniting his ongoing debate if he could have a soul so full of love for one person and be the biggest risk to them at the same time. It was something he tried not to think about as he hunted through the streets for a meal, for a victim since Remus had gone quiet on him.

His brother was a complicated man and as such they had a complicated relationship. Just about the only thing he could be counted on for, until now of course, was a supply. He had “friends.” He had Janus. He had ways of getting blood that didn’t result in death which they both knew he only did so Roman would keep talking to him. Remus had a steady yet undoubtably illegal supply of blood to support them both; and Janus (Roman didn’t need or want to know what his brother’s relationship was with the human) seemed willing enough to step in as a donor when the need arose. Yesterday however Remus hadn’t answered his phone. He also hadn’t answered any of Roman’s texts or subsequent calls despite having clearly seen them, and so he was forced to hunt.

It didn’t take long to find someone who met his requirements. Young enough, healthy, not too strong, alone: all things that gave them a better chance of recovering. Years of disuse had left his ability to compel his victims shaky at best but he’d found that the faster he could subdue them, the fewer memories he needed to alter. He ignored his phone vibrating in his pocket as he drank from a student he’d caught on his way home from the library, his bookbag heavy enough to help Roman overbalance him and force him to sleep. It buzzed again as he was propping the boy up against the wall, hidden from the main street. Grumbling about impatient texters, Roman carefully set the boy’s glasses right on his face and gently woke him up.

It was easier when they were dazed, he acknowledged, guilt pulling horribly at his heart as he instructed the boy to get up, to continue home and forget this ever happening. As he watched the boy leave he pulled out his phone, keeping half an eye on him to make sure he was steady on his feet as he checked his messages.

Remus: whr r u I hv th stff

It was sent alongside a series of squirting and heart emojis and Roman was filled with the same regret for texting first that he always had when he got a reply from his brother. He knew Remus made his texts as unreadable as possible on purpose, he’d seen him fighting with autocorrect more than once when it tried to fix them. Over the years, however, he’d gotten not only used to them but good at reading them so it only took a moment for the second text to drain the blood from his newly flushed cheeks.

Remus: nvrmnd il mt u at ur plc

I’ll meet you at your place. Roman was texting back so fast the display on his screen was warping.

Roman: Don’t I’m not home!

Roman: Seriously don’t I’m out

Roman: Remus!

Roman: I’m not home don’t go there

“Shit!” He swore, throwing his phone into his back and tearing home, praying that Remus was bluffing, that he was just ignoring him to be a pain, that he would get there before his brother did.

He didn’t.

Patton opened the door to what might have been the silliest knock he had ever heard. He maybe shouldn’t have; it was pretty late at night and he wasn’t expecting anyone but someone from the street couldn’t get in unless they knew the code for the main door so he figured it was likely a neighbour in need or a lost guest. What he wasn’t expecting was a doppelganger of his roommate grinning in his face.

“O-oh!” The exclamation was about all he could manage as he took in the person in front of him. The cartoonish moustache would have been cute if it wasn’t poised above a too-sharp grin, and the familiarity of Roman’s eyes set into the foreign face made their proximity a little unsettling. It had to be Roman’s brother, there was no other explanation for the similarities, but that knowledge didn’t really make him feel better. Roman barely ever spoke about him, Patton wasn’t even too sure of his name, but what he did say was rarely complimentary.

Still, he put on a Patton-ted smile and did his best to look welcoming. He was greeting a guest after all, though Remus beat him to the introductions.

“Hi! You must be the roommate Roman won’t let me meet.” Remus announced, his grin looking a little more charming now that his face was moving.

“And I take it you must be the brother.” Patton replied with a slightly easier smile, holding his hand out to shake. “I’m Patton.”

“Remus.”

If Patton noticed the flirty purr he didn’t mention it, just like he didn’t mention the fact that Remus had the same icy cold hands that Roman was so self-conscious about. He just took a step back from the door, determined as ever to take as much care of the person in front of him in the limited time they had. Step number one was warming this boy up!

“Roman isn’t here right now, did you want to come in and wait? He probably won’t be too long but I can text him if you like?” He offered and Remus took him up on it immediately, throwing his body into the flat with a kind of reckless abandon as he started nosying around looking for the secrets of this hidden part of his brother’s life. The only thing he seemed to be careful with was the bag he was carrying, the same kind that Roman had left with, which he was taking care not to swing as he scurried around.

“Oh, I already texted him,” Remus informed, smirking to himself as he ceased his search and turned his attention back to Patton. “He should be here really soon.”

“Well that's good.” Patton smiled back, a little uneasy again now that Remus was inside and being so ominous but he gestured him towards the couch anyway and waited as he took a seat and set his bag to the side. After a moment’s hesitation he joined him, his face flushing uncomfortably as his guest watched him every step of the way. Remus must have been able to tell he was beginning to feel awkward because he leaned away as he settled down and Patton used that space to take a steadying breath before smiling again, determined to hold his own and make his guest feel at home.

Remus was honestly impressed with the little blood-bag. He was cute, there was no denying that, and clearly had balls if he was this happy to sit beside a vampire he technically didn't know who was clearly ready for his next meal. It was a constant source of amusement for him how often Roman needed to feed, a running joke that his brother didn’t appreciate, but if Patton always sat this close, was so quick to blush all the time, and smelled this good then it was no wonder. It wouldn’t really be fair to use Patton all the time so filling up on Remus’s supplies was starting to make sense, but he was really taking this “consideration of others” thing a bit far if he was getting through so much as well as his roommate. Either that or he really couldn’t resist the boy and that was something Remus was very curious to learn more about.

“I’m getting an idea of why Roman’s been keeping you all secreted away.” He told him with a wink, breathing in deep as Patton blushed beside him. “You really are something special.” He added and sighed out happily, enjoying the sound and smell of excited, rushing blood in such close proximity.

“I don’t know about that.” Patton deflected. He couldn't remember the last time a stranger made him blush this much. Remus’s compliments were strange, sure, but there was something about them coming from such a familiar face that was really flustering him. It wasn't Roman saying it, though. Worse than that, he was Roman’s brother, and he was eager to move the conversation along. “Um, do you want something to eat while you wait?”

Remus’s surprise was clear in his expression and his eyes flicked down to Patton’s neck before checking his face again. There was nothing there to suggest he wasn't being genuine, and his heartbeat was steady (considering how flustered he had been a moment ago) so he likely wasn't lying. Roman would be so pissed. “I will if you’re offering.” He answered anyway, and that seemed to be the right thing to say because Patton lit up, happy to be useful.

“Of course! You’re Roman’s brother.” Patton insisted, angling towards him as he thought of what he had in the fridge that he could heat quickly. He must be starving! And being so surprised to be fed just wouldn’t do. “What would you-” His words died in his throat as Remus moved in, his mouth latching on to his neck and he found himself being pinned to the couch, lying on his back as Remus settled over him and bit down. He lay still for a moment, shock locking his body in place until he felt the first pull of blood leaving his neck. Eyes wide, his hands shot up and struck Remus's body but he didn’t move. He clung to his shirt when pushing yielded no results and as Remus hummed soothingly against his neck he thought he could hear Roman calling his name.

Remus's attack was surprising short lived and Patton soon felt his teeth leave his neck and a tongue swipe over the wound, followed by a quick peck. “There! All cleaned up.”

He could hear Roman again, shouting in the hall, and sure enough his roommate burst through the door just as Remus turned his head to face it, making no move to get off of him as Patton followed his line of sight to the doorway. Face pale, he gave a little wave, spooked and confused as Roman marched towards them.

“You godless fiend!” Roman screamed, pulling Remus off of him with more strength than Patton, as dazed as he was, thought he could gain from his trips to the gym. The only reason Remus wasn't sent flying to the ground was from his own matched ability to take that much pressure on one leg as he landed easily near the door.

“Your roommate is a wonderful host, bro-ski.” Remus crooned as if he hadn't just been thrown across the room; as if Roman wasn’t now stalking towards him. “He offered and I couldn't refuse, he's very tempting. I see why you've been keeping him to yourse-” He choked before he could finish, Roman had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dragged him to the hall and up to the roof before he could say another word.

There were tears in Roman's eye when he finally unhanded his brother. Remus wanted to laugh, he wanted to find the humour in the situation and rub Roman’s face in it but he was confused.

“Why are you being such a baby about this? He offered! And you’ve drank from Janus before so you can hardly get all territorial about this one.” He huffed, making no move to straighten out his clothes or hair as Roman stalked around the roof.

“He doesn’t know, Remus!” Roman wailed, pulling at his hair as he spun away, staring at the door back into the building as if Patton would appear there, kitted out with a cross and stake to tell him never to come back. Remus was quiet behind him for a moment before opening his mouth with a pop.

“I think he might have an idea now.” He quipped and Roman wanted to throw him off the roof. “Speaking of Janus-”

“I don’t want to hear about Janus!” Roman yelled back, turning on his brother who looked too unfazed for someone who had been dragged by the neck up three flights of stairs, for someone who had attacked his roommate, for someone who had so completely destroyed his life. “You’ve ruined everything! How can he trust me now? How can he possibly like me after this?”

Remus gave a careless shrug in response and Roman had him by the shirt once again, angling him dangerously over the edge of the roof and Remus continued to speak like this happened every day. It was Remus, it was entirely possible that was true. That or he didn’t think Roman had it in him.

“I’d imagine just the same as he always did. You did rush in to ‘save him’ just now.” He answered, lifting his arms to do the bunny-ears before dropping them back down to his sides, letting them dangle and swing behind him as he relaxed into the angle he was being held at. “Nothing’s really changed, just his world-view.”

“Just his world-view?” Roman seethed, fists tightening in Remus’s shirt before he turned and threw him back onto the roof, watching as he bounced along to an ungraceful halt.

“Yeah! I mean, what else has changed?” Remus asked, looking defensive for the first time since the confrontation started but not angry. “You’re still you, he’s still him, he didn’t really know me so he’s really only learned who I am. And now he’s got a fun new fact about you too!”

“That I’m awful.” Roman despaired though his anger swiftly reappeared when Remus just kissed his fingers and blew it in his direction.

“Exactly! And I think you’ll be fine, just as long as he knows that you’re no more awful than you were yesterday. Just remember, if you’ve really blown it, he probably would’ve died soon anyway!” Remus didn’t wait around to witness the full performance that was Roman’s outrage and skipped instead over to the roof’s edge. “Well! This has been fun, or it was before you showed up. Keep the blood, I’m going home. Don’t bother coming to tell me when this is all inevitably fine and you’ve freaked out for nothing. Tell me if it goes horribly wrong. I’ll let my sources know there’s a new donor on the market.” Remus jumped off the roof before his brother could react or retaliate.

And then Roman was alone. Standing on the roof at nearly midnight while Patton…

Patton!

He turned and threw himself down the stairs, taking them far too many at a time to be human until he was standing once again in the doorway to his flat, staring at Patton on the couch. His roommate had managed to sit himself up and was cradling his hand against his neck, fingers gently searching for proof of what had just happened over his unblemished neck.

He looked up when Roman appeared at the door and his heart clenched in fear before he realised who he was looking at. Patton sunk back into the couch, feeling a little too weak to stay tense, and gave an awkward smile.

“Hi Roman.” He greeted, just like this was any other day but he had to clear his throat when his voice came out a bit too scratchy to be normal. He looked tired and confused, dazed, but he was still smiling at him as though he wasn’t the worst person in the world. “Your brother’s certainly… interesting.”

Roman felt his heart break. He hurried over but stopped short of truly reaching him, hovering by the end of the couch before dropping to his knees. He didn’t want him to be scared, he didn’t want any of this to have happened, and yet here they were.

“Patton, I’m so sorry.” The apology felt like bile in his mouth, choking back everything he wanted to say and not knowing any words that could express it. He didn’t expect Patton to accept it, but more than that, he didn’t expect Patton to brush it off, shaking his head as he reached a hand over to comfort him. Roman could add it to the list of things he hated about himself in that moment as he took it, giving in to the selfish urge and clinging on as tight as he dared.

“No, it's my fault. I should've…” Patton tried to excuse but that was enough for Roman to find his voice. He never was speechless for long.

“What should you have done? Known? Known that vampires exist? That I would let him find you?” He despaired, the angry tears welling up in his eyes setting Patton off too until they were both crying. “I hid this from you and you got hurt. It’s all my fault.”

“I'm not hurt.” It was an empty comfort, not helped at all by the tears, and Roman shook his head in disbelief.

“Remus drank from you!”

“It was ok.” He flushed at Roman’s incredulous stare and elaborated. “I mean, it wasn’t my favourite thing but it only stung a little. He was nice about it, I think?”

They both squirmed for a moment under Patton’s embarrassment, and Roman took his hand back to both put some distance between them and to wipe his face free of tears. Patton soon copied the action, rubbing self-consciously at his neck again as the quiet of the room swirled around them. There was rarely so little noise in the flat for the natural sounds of a building to make themselves known. In the absence of chatter, singing, music and movement the sitting room was like a stranger’s. Trying to ignore the awkward energy that buzzed low and sporadic between them was like trying not to look at a spider on the wall while never letting it leave your sight, allowing it to become bigger and bigger in your mind until you couldn’t help but be so very aware of it.

“There's nothing about him that's nice.” Roman eventually said, his uncharacteristically quiet voice interrupting the atmosphere if not quite managing to clear it.

Patton didn’t reach for his hand again, something that Roman tried really hard to feel grateful for and did his best not to start crying again. He’d been caught in too many tear loops with Patton over the years and he didn’t deserve to start one now.

The quiet, at least, gave Patton a moment to actually reflect on what had just happened. Roman’s brother had bitten him. He had come to his home and bitten him because he was a vampire. A vampire. Because they were real now. And Roman’s brother was one.

“So…” He tentatively broached, looking down at Roman who was still kneeling beside him on the floor. “Is it just him who’s… y’know?”

“No... I am too.” Roman confessed, dropping his gaze down to the ground as he felt the pain of that secret finally being aired dig deep into his torso instead of lifting off of his shoulders like it should.

“Is this why you won't eat my cookies?” A confused, strangled laugh hit the back of Roman’s throat like he was choking on his own tongue.

“That's what you're worried about?” He spluttered and a quick look up at Patton showed he had reacted just the way Patton had wanted. His eyes searched that reassuring grin for any trace of malice or discomfort and found none. This boy was something else.

“I mean, I was starting to get offended.” Patton joked, unable to sit any longer with his friend looking so sad. Fixing that was easier to focus on but even he couldn’t ignore an issue this big.

“Yeah, it's why I wouldn't eat, well, anything you gave me.” Roman clarified, needing to give the information over regardless of how small a question it had been. Patton deserved this and any other answers he needed; he’d kept them from him for too long.

Patton was glad that Roman had answered him properly. It gave him some confidence to jump from the higher springboard.

“Why didn't you tell me?” And that really was the big question, wasn’t it, even if he could guess at the answer. He didn’t want to feel so hurt for not being trusted but it was a pretty big secret to keep hidden from him. Then again, it was a pretty big secret to need to hide.

“I didn't know how.” Roman admitted, shame in his eyes as he hoped Patton would understand. “I was scared you would be scared, that you would want me to leave. I know I shouldn’t have kept that decision from you and I’m so sorry I did.” Again, Patton was quiet, giving the answer the time it deserved to digest despite knowing his answer.

“Well I'm not scared. And I don’t want you to leave.” He told him, knowing that it didn’t settle everything but wanting to put them on the right track. Still, he couldn’t help but stumble over his next question. “How long have you been a- vampire?”

“A while.” It was an awkward confession to make; he wasn’t entirely sure and he didn’t know if “not that long for a vampire” would fly when he wasn’t really even sure if he’d been forgiven. Patton just nodded knowingly.

“Gotcha. I've seen Twilight.”

Roman was spluttering again and really, it was starting to become unbecoming.

“I am not like Twilight!” He defended, calmed only by how genuine Patton’s laugh was when he inevitably burst into giggles.

“I don't know you've got the pretty and brooding thing down.”

“I do not!” And what was he meant to do in response to that but blush? Curse his timing because of course he couldn’t have made a comment like that before he ate. As much as he appreciated Patton’s attempts to lighten the mood, however, he had to be sure of where they stood. “Are you sure that doesn't hurt?”

“I'll be fine, I'm more surprised than anything. It wasn’t quite what I expected when I offered to feed him.” Patton admitted with a sheepish smile.

“I'm sorry.” Roman apologised again and Patton took his hand with a reassuring squeeze.

“I forgive you. Just… maybe let me know next time your brother is visiting.”

“Can I hug you? Is that ok right now?” Just as always the answer to that was a resounding ‘yes’ and Patton had pulled Roman up into his arms before he could get another word in. Roman smiled into his shoulder, tears once again wetting his eyes as he mumbled into Patton’s shirt. “Remus is never coming over here again.”

“He might need to to get his bag.”

“…I’d not look in there if I were you.”

---

Across town, Remus arrived home with all the grace of a deflated and oddly damp balloon, kicking up into the air to land on the couch, flat on his back, with his head nestled uncomfortably in Janus’s lap.

“I bit Roman’s roommate today.” He announced without preamble, doing little to help as Janus repositioned himself underneath him so that Remus wasn’t digging into his legs. It left Remus’s neck bent pretty out of place but he didn’t bother correcting it further. It gave him a nice angle to look up from and that was good by him.

“Oh? The one who didn’t know he was a vampire?” Janus enquired, similarly uncaring as he scrolled through his phone with one hand as the other dropped down to play with Remus’s hair.

“Yeah. How’d you know that?”

“Because I’ve met your brother and your brother’s an idiot.”

Remus tsk-ed in annoyance like he’d gotten an easy question wrong on a pub quiz. “I never think of that.”

“It’s admirable to think so highly of him,” Janus drawled in response, finally looking down from his phone to smirk at the man in his lap, “but there’s a good reason you keep me around.”

He moved to pet his hair again but Remus caught his hand before he could reach and pulled it down enough for him to inspect his wrist. The bite mark there was deep but healing well, he noted, pressing a kiss to the skin he knew would do nothing to speed it up. The turning bite could only heal on it’s own; whatever it was that ran through Remus and allowed him to heal was just starting to build up in Janus’s own body. The wound would heal when it was ready.

“Did you tell him?” Janus asked, letting his arm be manipulated long enough for Remus to swipe an impatient tongue over the mark before wriggling himself free to wipe the spit in Remus’s hair, his petting forgotten as he checked his phone again.

“Nah, he was too busy yelling at me. He’ll figure it out when he needs his next meal.” He frowned up at Janus as he made to get up, the new strength of the newly turned vampire making it difficult drag out cuddle sessions.

“Speaking of meals.” Janus purred just as their doorbell rang and Remus perked up, petulance forgotten as he watched him move to answer it. “I ordered takeaway.”

The surly kid on the other side of the door did nothing to lessen Remus’s excitement as he grinned, watching from the couch.

Roman really didn’t need to know about this.

#sanders sides #ts patton #ts roman #ts remus #ts janus #middlingthebest

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is0gild · 4 years

Text

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 16

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 6,227

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

"No joke, you can for real get us the stuff?"

Rayne grinned over at Anna as the three of us walked side by side. "For real. I got a girl on the inside who can hook us up."

Her gaze narrowed dubiously, "Don't play me. I've been friggin' jonesing for a fix since March."

"You know I'm good for it, sweetpea," she slung an arm around her shoulders. "Trust me. My word is my bond, ya dig?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I puffed out a heavy sigh and grumbled, "You two are ridiculous."

A scoff from Rayne, "You'll be singing a different tune once that sweet, sweet ambrosia is warming your belly."

Rolling my eyes, I took another quick glance around the food court as we crossed it.

Still no Lea.

Boy couldn't get here fast enough.

Also, boy better hurry, seeing as how there was less than an hour left before my shift started.

My thumb absently rubbed the spot where his phone number still branded my palm as we finished crossing the sea of plastic tables and chairs, coming to a stop in front of the Lucky Cat. Working behind the register today was someone I hadn't seen before. A boy with a bandaid on one cheek and short, choppy brown hair sticking out from beneath the baseball cap he was wearing backwards.

Wait…

I squinted.

…or maybe he was actually a she. Hard to say. They were really quite androgynous, whoever they were.

Rayne smiled at us and held up a finger, indicating for us to just watch and wait. Then she stepped forward, approaching the counter. "Sup, Miharu! We're here to see…" she paused, looking around to make sure there were no eyes on her that shouldn't be, then she hunched forward and lowered her voice to a whisper, "...Spellweaver."

The coffee purveyor of indeterminate gender said nothing for several seconds, just fixed her with a dull stare. "...she's in the back, just a sec," they at last huffed before turning and disappearing through the door behind them.

"Spellweaver…?" Anna arched an eyebrow at Rayne.

She nodded solemnly, "The street name she goes by for all of her shady backdoor dealings."

"Oh good grief," I massaged one temple with my fingertips.

Deciding to steer this conversation towards something a little less silly while we waited for… ugh, Spellweaver to show up, I asked Anna, "So you really have no clue what Mother and Father are planning for this whole weekend family outing thing they're inviting us to?"

"Zip," she popped the P as she shrugged. But then she was crinkling her nose with a frown, "Weaseltown's gonna be there though."

I hugged myself, shuddering. "Thanks, that does not reassure me."

"Relax! Dad's probably just gonna be all, " she gave a lofty sniff, raised her pinkie and deepened her tone in what I had to admit was a pretty good impression of our father, "let's just put this nasty bit of business behind us, bygones and whatnot, chip chip cheerio."

"You are aware he's not British, right?" my eyelids drooped at her. I couldn't resist a tiny grin though and exhaled slowly, "...you really think he'll be that forgiving?"

"Of course! Well... that or he'll be all," up that pinkie went again as she scowled, "how dare you throw your life away like this, young lady, disgracing the family name thusly! I will not stand for it, pish posh!"

"...not helping."

Rayne shushed us as the back door behind the counter swung open again and that Miharu person returned. "Your weirdo friends are here to feed their disgusting habit," they deadpanned, speaking to their coworker that'd also come striding out behind them, presumably none other than the infamous Spellweaver.

Aka Aqua.

I should have guessed.

Gaze darting about again to ensure the coast was still clear, Rayne rapped her knuckles against the countertop, tapping out the beginning of "shave and a haircut." Aqua gave a good natured snort before responding with two knocks herself, delivering the punchline to the tune.

Seriously? What was that supposed to be, some sort of code? This was just getting more absurd by the second.

"What're you ladies in the market for today?" Aqua asked, propping an elbow onto the counter.

"We're here for… the Spice," Rayne put heavy emphasis on the word, giving her a wink that was the very antithesis of subtle. "You still got your super special secret stash?"

"Maybe," she inspected her fingernails, casually bouncing one shoulder. "You know I only stock the primo kind too. But stuff's not easy to come by this time of year. If I did have it, supplies would be getting pretty low. It'll cost ya. You got the munny?"

Anna suddenly pushed forward, grabbing Aqua by the front of her apron and yanking her down to her eye level, "Yeah yeah, you got the goods or what, bitch?!"

"Anna!" I snapped, horrified.

"What?! I was just playing along with the bit!" she defended, immediately releasing her grip.

Aqua gingerly smoothed the wrinkles out of her apron and fixed her crooked visor, "Normally just the munny and a please would suffice."

"Was your sister seriously just about to straight up shank Aqua over some coffee?" a low, amused voice said right next to my ear, making me jump. I spun around, discovering Lea snerking behind me as he straightened back up. Xion and Roxas were with him too, looking dressed to be on the clock shortly.

There was a tiny harrumph from Anna, "Everyone knows you don't get between a white girl and her pumpkin spice latte!"

That's right.

That's what this whole foolishness had been over.

Pumpkin frigging spice.

"Three please," Rayne asked sheepishly, handing Aqua the munny and shoving a hefty tip into the jar for good measure. Then she sighed at Anna, "We can't take you anywhere."

"It was a friggin' bit!"

"Hey, so," Roxas piped up, drawing my attention to him as he smirked. Xion bounced on the balls of her feet beside him, looking positively ready to burst with giddiness as Roxas leaned forward, "...are you like our new mommy?"

I blinked, "Wha-?" Then yelped as Xion, apparently no longer able to contain her excitement, threw herself at me with a squeal and squeezed me in a bone crushing hug.

"I'm so happy for you two!" Her death grip tightened and I wheezed, looking to Lea for help. He just grinned wider at me and shrugged. The useless punk. Thankfully, Xion pulled back, seizing me by the shoulders instead. "Tell me everything! How did it happen? When did it happen? Was it love at first sight? Gah, I still can't believe you two kept it a secret for so long and even guilt tripped me over that harmless lil car prank, you jerk!" she punched Lea in the arm, forcing him to hiss out a pained "ow."

Served him right.

The abrupt sound of someone noisily clearing their throat cut through the air. We turned to find a lanky guy with wavy, ash blonde hair down to his shoulders standing nearby, his lavender eyes giving us a pointed look. "Pardon me, if you would…?"

Apparently we were blocking his path to the Lucky Cat register where Miharu was currently stationed at.

"Oh!" realization struck Xion and she hurried out of the way, dragging me with her.

"Thank you," he bowed his head to us before sauntering up to the cash register with a sly grin, "Well well, don't you look absolutely ravishing today, my fiesty little barista of love."

"Bite me, Joshua," Miharu ground out flatly.

"Only if you insist," he purred.

I was distracted from that exchange by a steaming to-go cup suddenly popping up barely an inch in front of my nose, making me stagger back a step. "Here ya go, sweetie!" Rayne chirped from behind the latte she was offering me.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I took it, giving her a tiny and somewhat dazed smile as I struggled to keep up with the whirlwind of activity going on around me. Too many different things were going on at once and it was all just a lot, okay?

"Ah!" Anna sighed loudly and happily after taking a long, deep swig from her pumpkin spiced beverage. "Pure heaven!"

"Amen, sister!" Rayne cried, chugging some of her own. Then she gasped, snagging Anna's arm and gesturing towards the Ice Palace. "Look! Kristoff's on shift! Think you can work your feminine wiles and score us some free sundaes?"

"Ray-Ray, please. You worked your magic, now watch me work mine. Hold my drink." She handed her cup to my roomie, cracked her knuckles and skipped off, singsonging, "Yoohoo, Kristoff!"

That poor boy was about to get played like a fiddle.

Rayne spared a look my way, grinned and elbowed my arm before casting a significant glance towards Lea. "Have fun," she half whispered, half giggled to me before running off after Anna.

"We should probably get going too, Xion. Gotta punch in," Roxas said as he eyed the massive overhead clock on the other end of the food court.

"Aw man," she whined, looking from him to me. "Fine. But you and me? We're gonna talk more later, got it?" she brightened, giving my arm a squeeze before joining Roxas who waved goodbye to us as the two of them walked off towards Pizza Planet.

Lea shook his head with a soft chuckle as he watched them go, saying to me, "Ignore them. The kiddos are just super happy for us lovebirds."

"Oh." I looked down at my to-go cup, fingers fidgeting with the lid. "So you got a chance to talk to them about it."

"Didn't really have to. I think that bit of theatrics between Anna and your crazy uncle the other day spoke for itself. Whole food court's been abuzz." He flashed me a big smile, shrugging, "Face it, El. We're the new hot topic."

"R-really?" I stammered, doing my best to stop the blush I felt creeping up my neck dead in its tracks. I'd nearly forgotten about that whole embarrassing scene. I think I'd been subconsciously trying to block it out, pretend it'd all been a bad dream.

"Don't worry. It'll become old news pretty quick and chatter'll die down."

"I hope so," I frowned, taking a careful sip of my warm latte. I hated being the center of attention and having people talk about me.

"So…" his eyes crinkled as he took a step closer to me now, plucking the cup from my grasp and depositing it onto a nearby table so he could take both my hands in his. Tracing his thumbs in light circles along my knuckles, he murmured, "Hi."

That blush I'd been keeping at bay? Just called in reinforcements and broke through the bloody barricades. "...hi."

His eyes briefly flicked to our right, discreetly calling attention to the fact that Aqua was grinning at us as she prepared a mocha order. Ah, message received. We had an audience. And an audience demanded a show, one which Lea seemed only too glad to put on as he now brought my hands to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on the back of each one. "Didja miss me?"

My stomach flip-flopped. No, scratch that, it was doing goddamn somersaults like a gold medal gymnast on a set of uneven bars at the Olympics. Panicking a little, I hastily looked away and blurted out, "Miss you? Please, I just saw you yesterday. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours yet, I haven't had time to miss you."

What? I didn't know how to do the whole lovey-dovey thing, real, pretend or otherwise! Honestly, I was beginning to think it just wasn't genetically coded into my DNA.

He tsked. "That's not what you were supposed to say."

I gave him some side-eye. "What was I supposed to say?"

"Hm, I dunno… something like," he transferred his grip to my wrists, pulling my hands up to cup his cheeks, "how much you longed to see this gorgeous face again and how you cried yourself to sleep just counting the seconds until you could look upon its beauty once more."

"...I am not saying that."

"Huh," he smirked down at me. "Funny how ya didn't deny it though. Don't worry, we can work our way up to it."

I snorted. "Don't count on it."

A tiny laugh came from the Lucky Cat. With him still holding my hands to his face, we both looked over to see Aqua hiding a smile behind her fingers. She shook her head, "Sorry, pretend I'm not here. You two are just very cute."

I jerked my wrists free of his grasp and opened my mouth to say we most certainly were not. However, Lea was faster with a chipper, "We know!" With that, he picked up my drink once more, slipping his free hand into mine and cooed, "Let's go, shnookums," before walking off with me in tow.

Stumbling a few steps before matching his stride, I glanced back to make sure we were out of earshot. Then I looked at him. "No."

He cocked an eyebrow. "No what?"

My nose scrunched up. "Shnookums."

"Yes, sugarplum?"

I blanched. "No, that's not- I wasn't calling you-" I sighed, recomposing myself. "I was saying no to that pet name. Sugarplum's out too."

Lea pouted, "Aw, but they're classics. You sure you want to keep vetoing all of these? Pretty soon I'll have to start thinking outside the box."

"I'll take my chances."

"Suit yourself, don't say I didn't warn ya though." He then nodded to my cup, lifting it up slightly, "May I?"

"Uh…" I blinked. "...sure, go for it."

He took a sip then abruptly stopped us in the middle of the food court tables. "Shit, that's actually pumpkin spice. I thought your sister was only joking. October is still months away, how'd you guys manage to get your hands on this?"

My mouth pursed to one side. I can't believe I was about to say this. "...I know a gal who knows a gal."

A snerk huffed out through his nostrils. "Aren't you legally required to be wearing a trench coat and in a dark alley to say something like that?"

One corner of my lips twitched up despite myself as I took the latte back from him, "Was fresh out of trench coats."

"Well then, guess we'll just have to settle for this instead," he gripped the bill of my Ice Palace cap, twisting it sideways.

"Hey!" I swatted his hand away and spun my hat forward again. "I've got connections, I'm not a rapper. There's a difference."

"I know. I just really wanted to do that." His hand snaked up again, tweaking my cap to the left now. "Boyfriend privileges. Sorry, I don't make the rules."

Sighing, I straightened it again. "I've given you too much power. You're having way too much fun with this."

"No such thing." He went for the hat yet again but I caught his hand this time, narrowing my eyes at him. He grinned, shifting the hold so our fingers interlocked together instead, causing my heart to give a little flitter.

Then he used his other hand to turn the cap to sit sideways once more.

I drooped my eyelids at him. "I'm going to throw this drink in your face."

"And waste perfectly good pumpkin spice? For shame!" he chided playfully, thankfully having the common decency now to correct my hat back to the way it was supposed to be.

Ugh, this guy. Of all the people Anna could have shoved me into the arms of in front of the Duke on that fateful day, why'd it have to be him? I'm sure she'd only picked the nearest testosterone toting individual who just so happened to be strolling by in that exact moment but jeez, why couldn't it have been, oh I don't even know… Kristoff perhaps? Kristoff would have taken this more seriously. Kristoff I didn't have a maybe sorta crush on. Kristoff wouldn't have had my face toasting every ten stupid seconds. Seriously, I swear Lea had made me blush more in the past several weeks that I'd known him than I'd ever done in the rest of my entire life combined. I'm not sure who that said more about - Lea or my ex.

Shaking my head at him, I prompted, "So you said something yesterday about coming here to do some couple-watching?"

"Oh, right. Almost forgot." Lea glanced about at the shoppers enjoying their meals all around us. "Lessee here, who do we got…?"

"Why not Riku and Rayne? I mean, I live with them and they're in on the secret, I'm sure they'd be happy to coach us or whatever." I began to lift my drink towards my mouth but stopped it a few inches short, staring down at it with a tiny frown.

"Nah, they're not just a couple, they're married. Married is a whole different animal from dating. Trust me, what we're looking for is a cutesy-wootsy boyfriend-girlfriend dynamic duo." He took a break from scanning the area to focus on me once more, noticing the look I was now giving my cup. He quirked an eyebrow, "Problem?"

My eyes flicked to his lips, then returned to my latte. Then back and forth once, twice more.

...oh grow up! It's not like the boy had cooties!

"Not at all," I muttered, hiding my small scowl behind the cup as I finally took a sip, telling myself that the slight warmth I felt in my cheeks was only due to the heat of the beverage, nothing more. "What about them?" I asked hastily, gesturing back towards the Lucky Cat where... Joshua, was it? Was still talking to Miharu. "They're a couple." He was leaning across the countertop with a devilish little smirk, bringing their faces really close. Miharu, on the other hand, looked about ready to grab the nearest banana walnut muffin from their display case and shove it up his nose. I furrowed my brow, "...aren't they?"

He followed my gaze. "Who, them? Those two are… complicated. What they got going on seems to work for them, but it's not exactly the type of Hallmark romance we want to be emulating in front of your folks. No, we want too adorable and precious for this world. We want pure, unadulterated wholesome on a stick. We want cavity-inducing sweetness. We want…" once more, his eyes were darting from one table of mall-goers to the next until at last his face lit up and he pointed, "...them! Perfect!" And off he went again, dragging me with him.

We wove our way past several tables before coming to a halt at one in particular, seated at which was-

"Kairi? Sora?" I blinked at them and they both looked up at the sound of their names.

"Oh, hey guys!" Sora hit us with the full force of that blinding smile of his.

"Hiya!" Lea chirped, pulling out a chair for me. "Mind if we join you two?"

"Please," Kairi nodded enthusiastically, twisting her chopsticks into her chow mein that looked to be from Mushu's Kingdom. "Be our guest!"

I'm sorry, but couple-watching and couple-interacting were two completely different things. This is not what I'd signed up for. Still, I took the seat with only the barest hint of hesitation, feeling Lea push it in behind me before he grabbed the one next to me, spinning it one-eighty on one leg so he could plop down into it backwards.

Eyes dancing, Kairi spoke up again, "So, to what do we owe the pleasure of being joined by the Dusk Town Center's newest It Couple?"

"...It Couple?" I echoed, arching an eyebrow as I put my drink down in front of me, fingers fidgeting with the coffee sleeve.

"Told ya, El!" Lea chuckled, folding his arms atop the table, his elbow coming to rest against mine. "Everyone's talking about us. Can you blame them though? We did have a rather dramatic debut."

"Oh gosh," I smothered my face in my hands.

"Nothing to be embarrassed over, you're fine!" Kairi giggled, then glanced smugly over at Sora. "Plus, I got to tell this loser here that I'd told him so!"

He rolled his eyes, grin never wavering. "Lucky guess. You had no way of knowing they were already dating."

"Woman's intuition," she razzed her tongue at him, tapping her chopsticks to her temple. "It's never wrong."

Welp. It was wrong this time. Lucky for her, Lea and I had a cover to maintain. Good thing too, I don't know if I'd have had the heart to tell her otherwise and burst her bubble.

"Besides," she tacked on, slurping up a noodle, "it's always been plain as day for anyone to see on Lea's face. He has that whole lost puppy look going on whenever she's around."

"I don't have a lost puppy look," Lea scratched the back of his head with a sheepish laugh before glancing my way and insisting, "I don't."

Sora sniggered, "Yeah, Kai, I think that's just the way his dopey face always loo- ow!" That last part was in response to Lea reaching across the table to flick him in the forehead.

Ignoring the boys, Kairi sighed dreamily, "It's all just so sweet! Like some sort of modern day, food court, Shakespearian romance! One from House Pizza, the other from House Ice Cream, two star-crossed lovers defying all odds to be together!"

...okay, why were we here again?

"It's not like we're from two warring families locked in a blood feud." Lea snorted and muttered, "House Ice Cream and House Pizza… what even?"

"Shush, I was being poetic!" Kairi harrumphed before lightly slapping Sora's hand away as he tried to steal some of her chow mein.

Rubbing his sore knuckles, he whined, "Aw c'mon, Kai, all this food talk is making me hungry!"

"You've already eaten twice your weight in orange chicken, you big goob!" she shot back. But when he gave her the saddest pout in the history of all mankind - nay, the history of all existence - her shoulders slumped and she relented, stabbing her chopsticks into the noodles and twirling them, "Fine, open up, doofus."

He immediately perked up and parted his lips wide. Having wrapped a sizable portion around her sticks now, she gently eased it into his awaiting mouth. For all the care she took though, some sauce still managed to get on the corner of his lips as he started to chew. Kairi gave a soft tch and told him, "Hold still." Then she took his chin between her fingers, bent forward and kissed the smudged side of his mouth, leaving it clean by the time she'd pulled back, licking her lips with a tiny smirk.

Sora swallowed his food. "Thanks, bae!" he beamed, bowing his head towards hers and nuzzling the tips of their noses together, eliciting a titter from her.

Oh. Right. That's why we were here.

These two were cavity-inducing alright. I think I was already feeling my teeth begin to rot just by being within a five foot radius of them. Dear lord, I don't think I could ever be like that, especially not where people could see us.

...was Lea suggesting I act this way?

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, watching as he stretched a hand across the table towards Kairi's tray and dipped a finger into some of the excess chow mein sauce on one side of her plate. Lea then proceeded to dab the goo onto his nose, plant his elbow on the table, prop his chin in his palm and lean towards me with a cheshire grin, eyes hooded and eyebrows bouncing.

Apparently, yes. That's exactly what he was suggesting.

I stared blankly at him.

Yeah, no. Not happening, pal.

"Worth a shot," Lea snerked as he reached for a napkin to scrub the smear off with.

Kairi bit back a smile, "D'aww, she's shy! That's adorable!"

"That's my baby! Wouldn't have her any other way!" he tweaked my nose with a wink.

"Oh! I just had a great idea!" Kairi clapped her hands together. "Tomorrow night, Sora and I were gonna go out with Riku and Ray. Nothing fancy, just dinner and a movie. But what if you two joined us as well and turned our double date into a triple? How fun would that be?"

I don't know… dinner and a movie? She was asking a lot of little ol' hermit me. Maybe too much.

Lea looked to me, pressing his shoulder into mine. "How 'bout it, El?"

...well… I guess… for the sake of practice…

I gave the couple across from us a shy smile. "What time were you thinking?"

Taking that as a yes, Kairi cried out in delight. "Awesome! We're all meeting up at six. You can get the deets from your roomies!" She then picked up her phone to check the time. "Crap," she hissed, jumping up to her feet, "gotta run! Selphie's gonna murder me for taking too long on my lunch break!"

"Wait up, I'll walk you back," Sora called, taking the opportunity to snatch up the chopsticks she'd dropped and shovel what was left of the chow mein down his throat faster than should have been humanly possible. Then he grabbed the tray and hopped up as well, cheeks bulging with food as he muffled out, "See ya guys tomorrow!" before taking off after his girlfriend.

"So…?" Lea asked, one side of his mouth turning up as he stole another sip from my pumpkin spice latte.

I gave a small, incredulous laugh, "No. Also? No. No, no, no. No. Did I mention no? Because just in case I didn't… no. And just for good measure: no. So in conclusion? No."

"Pfft," he rubbed a hand over his lips. "Well I understand if they may seem a bit… advanced to you…"

"Advanced?" I scoffed. "Try critical mode. I had no idea such couples existed outside of children's storybooks starring princesses and prince charmings. Do they even know they're in the real world and not some fairytale?"

Lea's head tipped to one side. "...you do realize that was some pretty basic boyfriend-girlfriend stuff… right?"

A crease formed between my eyebrows. "You mean that was normal?"

"Well," he averted his gaze, scratching his cheek, "...all couples vary and do things differently. But I wouldn't say Kairi and Sora are abnormal. There's a lotta couples out there that are just as disgustingly cute as they are, if not more so."

I bit down on my lower lip and hunched forward onto my elbows, clasping my hands in front of my face just beneath my nose. How was it I'd been in a relationship for five years and was just now figuring out that I didn't have the first clue when it came to dating? "...my ex and I were never anything like that. Not even close."

"And that," he struck up a finger, "works out in our favor. After all, you dumped his sorry ass, one, cuz you weren't in love with him and two, to be with yours truly," his fingers splayed across his chest as he grinned, "a hunky dreamboat you are in love with, or so the story goes. Now it shouldn't be too hard to sell that to your folks, given your former beau has set the bar so pathetically low for us."

"But I don't know if I have it in me to…" I trailed off, my hands clenching to each other more tightly. "...if I'm even wired to be such an absolute… googly-eyed, twitterpated… mess like those two were." My insides squirmed at the very idea.

"No problemo!" Lea jabbed a thumb into his collarbone, "I can be enough of a googly-eyed, twitterpated mess for the both of us!" He stiffened, then coughed into his fist, "That is, I mean… ya know, for the sake of appearances. If that'd be okay with you, of course."

He was talking about him being, erm… how had he put it the other day? Ah yes… touchy-feely. My eyes darted to the right. "I suppose… for appearances… as long as I have time to get used to it all and there are no more surprises."

"Speaking of, we never really did get around to going over those PDA guidelines for what gets a green light and what's a big fat no-no."

I stared down at the cup, my finger idly circling the rim of the lid. "...what did you have in mind?"

"Maybe we should start by knocking out the most obvious one." I glanced up at him now, waiting for him to elaborate. His grin faltered almost imperceptibly, "You know, the big K?" I merely quirked an eyebrow at him. Eyes shifting about, Lea cleared his throat, "...kissing?"

"Not on the lips." The words sprung from my mouth faster than I could think them, causing me to clamp a hand over it in embarrassment.

But come on now, my brain had had a full system hard crash when the guy had planted an innocent little peck on just my forehead yesterday! I couldn't even begin to fathom what a real, honest-to-god kiss on the lips might do to me. Let's not forget how poorly I'd handled the Kissident and I hadn't even known the guy yet, much less potentially had feelings for him!

He blinked, then snorted and shook his head at me. "Nah, I'd already figured that would be a total no-go. Which is no biggie, lotsa couples out there aren't comfortable sucking face in front of prying eyes. But uh…" he rubbed at the nape of his neck, "What I have been doing… back of the hand, forehead… pretty much any other exposed bit of skin, that all fair game?"

Gosh, this was a weird conversation to be part of. Not to mention awkward. I could already feel my blush from earlier waiting backstage, eager to make an encore performance. Looking away, I said, "That, uh… y-yeah, okay."

It should be fine.

If I allowed myself to get used to it, of course.

Though that was kind of a big if.

"Okay…" A slow smile was breaking out across his face and he repeated, "Okay, good. Onto the next item of business then: hugs. Yea or nay?"

Jeez, this suddenly felt so official. And yet, slightly silly at the same time somehow. I ventured, "...y-yea?"

"You sure?" his finger tapped the tip of my nose. "You don't sound too confident there."

"No, it'll be fine," I said quickly. With proper mental and emotional fortifying, I hopefully could and would survive this. Hopefully.

"Alright," his eyes crinkled as he studied me for a beat. Then, "What about this?" He reached a hand for where mine lay palm down against the table, his touch grazing along my knuckles before softly tracing down the lengths of my fingers. "...kinda like hand holding, but a lil fancier," he murmured, lifting my hand up so he could brush his fingertips to mine for a few seconds before gently flattening our palms together, lazily weaving and unweaving our fingers. "Something for idle hands to be doing when we're just hanging out. That okay?" he asked, still lightly toying with my fingers.

This had no right to be spiking my heart rate the way it was. Not trusting myself to talk as it would probably come out more of a squeak right now, I settled on a tiny nod.

He smirked as he eased my hand back down to rest atop the table once more. "...and this?" Lea gripped one of my chair legs, pulling me closer to him. Then his arm stretched out past my cheek, reaching behind my head so he could sweep my ponytail forward over my shoulder. There, he wasted no time twisting the end of a lock around one finger, playing with the pale strands of hair. "...yea or nay?" he prompted again somewhat distractedly, green eyes locked on his hand as it slowly ensnared itself further.

Was there less oxygen in the room? I swear there had to be less oxygen. Why else was it getting so hard to breathe all of a sudden? Must be all that damn deforestation going on out in the world. Curse all those big evil corporations and their blatant disregard for the environment!

Licking my dry lips, I nodded again, hesitantly at first, then putting more force behind it. "Mm… mm-hm! T-that should be… sh-shouldn't be a problem." I withdrew my hands into my lap, folding and unfolding them only to fold them again. "After all, we ah… must maintain appearances, of course."

"Of course," his grin twitched wider. "So then, what about this?" Carefully disentangling his fingers, he lifted his hand to tuck my bangs behind my ear as he started to lean forward, his face closing in towards mine.

Conceal, don't feel!

Remember, this? This was just… just an act. We were in the middle of a very busy food court. He was merely putting on a show for the masses. Just playing the role that had been given to him.

...but honestly, did he have to be playing it so goddamn friggin' well?!

I swear I could feel every last drop of blood in my body dogpiling up into my face as he closed the distance. The tip of his nose brushed mine and he shifted over to the right at the last second, positioning his mouth next to my ear. My heart hammered wildly, threatening to punch a hole through my ribcage as he inhaled, preparing to whisper something, his lips grazing against my earlobe and-

"Fwunkle-munkle."

My eyebrows twitched and I blinked.

"Splubbet. Squippo."

...were my eardrums broken?

"Flerple. Mubble-whoomp."

I spluttered and snorted. "What are you even doing?"

Lea pulled back just enough to look me in the eye with a cheeky grin. "What's it look like I'm doing? Whispering sweet nothings into your ear, duh!"

My fingers went to my mouth and I choked back a laugh, "More like sweet nonsense."

"Eh, same diff. Now if you'll excuse me, I wasn't quite finished." He bent towards my ear once more, his voice low and breathy as he continued, "Yuppet. Smoorple."

"Stop, that tickles," I was cracking up now, putting a hand to his chest so I could push him away.

He didn't budge, just moved his own hand to cover mine. "Fleegget-smeegget. Kronkle. Pixie Petal."

That last one caught my notice. "As in the ice cream flavor?"

"Mm-hm!" he straightened up now, exiting my personal bubble and crossing his arms atop the back of his reversed chair. His eyes squinted at me and he pursed his lips in thought. "...but no, that's not your fave either. It's all sparkle, no substance. You need quality. Nothing but the best for you."

Fighting a grin, I shook my head at him, "You think you know me so well."

His face softened a little as he looked at me. "...I think I'm starting to."

My breath hitched.

Oh dear. Remember that maybe sorta crush I had? I think we could now safely drop the "maybe sorta" part of it.

It was official. I'd gone and caught feelings.

For a man who was totally unavailable at the moment. A man who'd made it clear he was only doing this favor for me as a friend.

This was a dangerous game I was playing. And with someone who was much better at the game than I was, especially when you considered that he didn't even know he was playing it.

My eyes shifted about, alighting on everything and anything that wasn't him before finally landing on the food court clock. "Oh!" I took note of the time and shot up to my feet, the chair scraping along the tiled floor as it pushed out. "My shift's starting soon, I need to get going. Tomorrow then? Yeah, I'll text you once I get the specifics from Rayne. Right. So… until then."

I turned to book it but hadn't gotten more than a step before I felt his hand close around my wrist. I glanced back at him to see him standing now as well, a crooked curve to his lips. "Leaving without a proper goodbye? I don't think so."

He then pulled me back towards him, taking hold of my other wrist as well and bringing both my hands up to cup behind his neck. There he left them, moving his arms down to snake around my waist, hugging me tightly against him as he once more bowed his head down next to my ear. His breath was warm, making me shiver slightly as he whispered, "Wear my jacket for our big date tomorrow. For appearances."

Then he tipped my hat up and smooched my forehead before releasing me, shooting me a wink and walking away with a whistle.

Leaving me a blushing mess leaning against a chair for support, feeling just about ready to go supernova and obliterate all buildings within a ten block radius of me.

Oh yeah. I'd caught feelings all right.

And I didn't like it.

How the hell do I get rid of them?!

Author's Note: The whispering sweet nothings bit I wrote is one of my most favorite things ever. And at the same time, I hate it. It's so stupid. And yet, I love it so much xD Also, here, have some silliness with Aqua aka Spellweaver aka Command Style or Best Street Name For Shady Backdoor Deals Ever? You decide! And if you didn't recognize where the name came from that I used for the ice cream flavor this chapter, it's the name of a keyblade - the one you get from clearing Neverland in BBS, to be exact! That's right, I've resorted to keyblade names. I think I picked a few good ones too in the chapters ahead! That's all I use for the ice cream flavors from here on out in the story except for ONE of them, and there's a reason behind that one… which I'll only be too happy to explain when we get to it xD Anyhoo, if you were looking at the ice cream menu board, the description for Pixie Petal would probably go something like: "This lime soft serve in a green cone, garnished with white chocolate wings and gold edible glitter is sure to get you thinking happy thoughts!" Annnnnd side note: in case you're wondering, no, Miharu is not a character that appears in any of the KH games that you may have forgotten about - she's another OC belonging to my beloved bestie who I'm borrowing Rayne from xD She ships Miharu hard with Joshua from KH:DDD (or more specifically, TWEWY) so I just wanted to throw in a brief nod this chapter to that endearingly oddball lil ship!

Next chapter, how will this lil date night go? Will Elsa learn a thing or two about how to act like a sickeningly sweet couple? Now that she for sure knows she is in fact crushing on our dear fire boi, will she be able to keep her cool in front of him? Will Anna be checked into rehab for her unhealthy addiction to white girl pumpkin spice lattes? Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

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