#i also strongly suspect this person who is mad at me for not *saving him a seat* is also pissed that

[freebooter4ever]

i hate this city so much, i am sick of these adults playing cliques and the way these people treat those they consider insignificant and the power trips and... everything. hate it.

#jrnlsht #one stupid thing that is barely a mistake and suddenly the entire house of cards comes down and you are friendless #i also strongly suspect this person who is mad at me for not *saving him a seat* is also pissed that #i dropped the I Have A Boyfriend bomb last time we saw each other #he has been cold ever since #welcome to the city where men use power and connections to try and corner you into things even when you are half their age #super duper ironic that i used Pilot Boy as a Sorry Im Taken excuse... a slight lie since he and i were never boyfriend/girlfriend official #and then literally the next day Pilot Boy ends our casual dates for good #i probably jinxed it by lying and pretending i had an exclusive boyfriend to get out of awkward situations with another man #anyway i called my friend and cried a TON and i am so sick of power games

[szollibisz]

Do you have any hcs abt how Curt and Owen "came out" to one another? (Using the term loosely cuz obviously they can't just be like "IM GAY") And also how they got together (who fell first etc etc)

Ok, so to preface this, my favourite thing about curtwen is just how many ways you can interpret their pre-canon relationship.

I try to keep their story relatively loose in my head, save for a few headcanons I very strongly believe in, because it's more fun this way.

For me, the #1 headcanon that's in all the iterations I think of, is that they hated each other at first. I think their personalities clash way too much for them to be all buddy-buddy on the first day. (Physical attraction? maybe. Was it minuscule compared to their irritation with each other? yes.)

I just think it's interesting how the two of them gradually (and begrudgingly) start to care about each other.

I think their "friendship stage" is one of my favourite parts about the whole thing. Now I refuse to believe either of those men have friends. Maybe coworkers and acquaintances, but not friends. Which is why this stage lasts so little.

As their work their way up to care for and respect each other, both of them go a little crazy about it.

It's the first time in years or even decades they felt genuine affection and maybe even trust, and both of them are extremely starved for it. So it really doesn't take much for them to fall for each other. (especially since the aforementioned physical attraction was always there and only getting stronger as they learned to tolerate each other)

I imagine, because of this, Owen was the one who fell first, and he employed his usual tactic for dealing with unwanted feelings: Being an ass and depriving himself of good things. He got more intense about his work, trying to immerse himself in it, so he'll stop thinking about Curt. He stayed up late, didn't even try to take it easy when he had a migraine, drank shit coffee and other great things.

It technically worked. He looked like shit, which in turn made Curt worried, and if Owen completely invalidated his worries the two of them would get into a fight, be mad at each other and not interact so much. Owen thought this would make him not yearn for Curt so bad (he still did, in fact, yearn for him that bad)

When Curt realized he was in love with Owen he was pretty horrified. Like listen. If someone has commitment issues it's Curt. Maybe he had a boyfriend or two during his teenage years/twenties, but they didn't end well, and since then he's been trying to keep everybody at arms length. He convinced himself Owen wasn't so bad because hey. They were just buddies (and Curt desperately needed a buddy.)

He tried to shove down and ignore his feelings, but moaning your friend's name while banging another guy may just be a little more than what you can avoid.

He never understood why Owen turned so cold suddenly, and he was terrified Owen just didn't like or trust him anymore. In turn he was also mad at him for trying to shut him out.

Their little hate renaissance could only last so long though. They were still each other's only friends and no matter what they did they kept being drawn back to each other.

This was a super long preface but. I am not normal about those two.

So. different scenarios and headcanons and whatnot

1. Either one of them somehow discovers the other is gay. This would probably mean Owen finding out about Curt, because, I wholeheartedly believe that man would leave during a mission sometimes just to get a quick fuck in. Maybe Owen finds out with evidence (fast & easy method) or he just starts strongly suspecting with his great spying and deduction skills (slow & torturous method, he'd try to convince himself he's just seeing what he wants to see) either way, the confrontation would be very uncomfortable for both of them. Curt would deny it ofc, and Owen would go through the internal battle of "tell him it's fine, you won't rat him out, but be a little homophobic about it, so maybe you can keep the only friend you have, but also be ok with the fact that he'll always be with other men and never you" or "tell him you're gay too, maybe he likes you, maybe not, and potentially risk losing your job and livelihood and everything you've ever worked for" He'd most likely end up doing the latter, surprising both Curt and himself. (He's already way more into Curt than he admits to himself) And things escalate from there.

2. Dramatic post mission (maybe a "I thought I'd never see you again" moment) This is where their friendship gets really interesting to me. For a scenario like this the months long yearning is a given, maybe even a lot of unresolved tension between the two (which would probably be resolved with violence anyways) They care very deeply about each other by now. They know each other better than anyone, and their idyllic relationship is only made into a living hell by all the pining. At this point I mean, they'd buy each other birthday gifts, go over to the other's house when they were in the same country and share way too much info over drinks. Their job is always dangerous, but even they can get scared. Maybe we're talking being crazy outnumbered, or a torture/hostage situations, or hell even a collapsing building. Point is, id either one of them thought the other (or both of them) may die, at this point they'd be impulsive enough to just say I love you or kiss the other. In the moment neither of them would care, and later on, when you'd normally talk about things like near death makeout sessions, they'd just. not. do that, because communication is for guys with better life prospects. This one has absolutely no coming-out talk in it, simply because they don't need it

3. Possibly drunk hookup Now clearly, we are talking about two of the most down bad men ever. This is one scenario, I think could also work really well when they still really hated each other. Maybe throughout their first few mission they both gathered enough evidence and sussed each other out, and after (yet another) explosive fight they might just. Alleviate the tension by not beating each other up but by. other means. They don't end up talking much about it, but it keeps happening, and wait maybe they don't even hate each other all that much. (This is the more sober option) The other one is where the "possibly drunk" comes in. If they've been friends for a while, they probably got used to working around each other and finding comfort in the other's presence. This includes little habits, inside jokes, and even (very small) physical touches. This probably wouldn't go down during a mission, it's more likely to happen at either Curt's or Owen's house, maybe during some holiday. Both of them realizing it's a pretty bad idea early on, because, without all the stress of the missions and navigating a foreign country all that's left is them and the feelings they have for each other. Owen would probably say no to drinks for the first few times, just to avoid a potentially dangerous situation, but Curt would wear him down eventually. Now, with both of them drunk and comfortable, it wouldn't take much for things to escalate. Maybe Curt forgets to take his hand off of Owen after patting him on the back, or Owen holds Curt gaze for a little too long. Either way, those two end up fucking. The next day both of them are a little horrified, but they manage to come clean about their feelings (even if it's in the most backwards and convoluted way possible)

Happy ending (or not) There's many more ways it could've happened, but I already wrote wayyyy too much I think.

In the end I don't think they'd ever have a proper conversation about homosexuality, even way into their relationship. It's something they slowly pick up on from each other. How ashamed are they, what makes them tick, what you shouldn't say etc. And then of course, since they don't communicate properly and sometimes purposefully hurt each other, they'd throw it all back in the other's face.

I'm not sure this is what you meant when you asked for hcs, but I got carried away.

#spies are forever #tin can bros #saf #owen carvour #agent curt mega #szol's spy rambles #curtwen #tcb #hoooo boy this was very long. sorry #edit: pasted this into word it's 1.4k words. again: sorry

[freaky-munson]

Rude p.5

navigation

Summary: Eddie Munson really wants to marry Y/n Hopper but her dad strongly refuses; based on song “rude” by MAGIC!

fic is kinda au

Warnings: a little bit of angst, mostly fluff

Words: 1,322

introduction part one part two part three part four part five here epilogue

„Did I reach Joyce Byers? It’s Eddie. Eddie Munson.”

“Oh hi Eddie, not that I’m not pleased to talk to you but you certainly have surprised me. How can I help you?”

Eddie knew Joyce was lovely woman; every time he was spending his day with Y/n’s at her house, when she also was there, she always invited him to stay for dinner, not caring about Jim’s loud and obvious unhappiness and disagreements. He clearly saw that Y/n too was really glad for having her in their lives.

Since her own mum turned her back on her and her now ex-husband, Jim’s dates weren’t exactly good mom role models and the girl herself always wanted one - one that will love her unconditionally unlike her own mother. So having Joyce close was a literal blessing.

“As you probably already know, last week I personally spoke to Mr Hopper about his blessing. To marry Y/N obviously. And you are aware that it was kind of a big disaster.”

Joyce sighed. Of course she knew. It lead them to have some silent treatment of her doing. She thought it might be petty to some people, but Y/n was almost like her daughter. She really loved the girl and wanted her to be happy - and clearly her boyfriend was doing that job perfectly.

“Yes Eddie, I know. And we already kind of argued because of that.”

“Oh, I’m really sorry. It wasn’t my intention to make a mess to such extent.”

“Don’t worry about it. Jim is stubborn, but he is not dumb. He just has to think about this whole situation. Give him time. You have to understand it is quite a change for him. His little daughter is about to start adult life.”

“I know, and I really respect that. But I’m afraid that not the change is the problem. I am. I am the problem. A-and I really need your help Mrs Byers. I’m so lost that I think that I’m losing Y/n. She started to worry and I’m afraid she suspects the worst. And that she will get tired of me being always stressed and quiet, not really myself and finally leave me.”

“Eddie, don’t be ridiculous, Y/n would never leave you at your lowest. I think the best solution in your scenario is to talk to Y/n, heart to heart. I know you wanted approval from her dad, but as I already said he is a stubborn man. And if you love someone don’t let them go. Propose to her cause you are in relationship with her, not her and the dad. Tell her you tried your best to win your dad over, she knows that he gives you hard time and she will understand everything. Love overcomes everything. And Jim might actually finally see everything as it is and come around.”

“No, she can’t know about this. It’s better that way, it will save her from disappointment. Of me, of her dad. I don’t want to step in dirty shoes into their dynamic.”

“I’m sure that nothing will change. Jim loves his daughters too much to be mad at them forever. Believe me, the only person who will bring Jim Hopper to his senses is Y/n Hopper herself.”

Did it help Eddie? Not much. But for sure it gave him some hope and motivation. And reminded him that the two of them were the most important. They and their pure, beautiful love.

Meanwhile Y/n didn’t want to go straight home. The bloodshot, puffy eyes, stuffy nose from all the crying she did sitting in her trustful car parked on some abandoned parking lot were really making her driving harder than usual.

She tried deep breathing, counting to 10s and another not-so-successful calming methods but she only stopped weeping when she felt dehydrated, like she couldn’t produce even one another single tear.

And her head? Such a mess. She felt lost. Confused. Angry. Disappointed. Embarrassed. And it wasn’t even with Eddie; she mainly hated herself. Why? She knew that jumping to some stupid assumptions and heavy overthinking wasn’t good. But she was a teenage girl, that’s what teenagers do when something wrong happens, especially in relationships.

The thought of the worst really tired the girl but coming back home, to her dad with evident signs of crying after spending the day with Eddie was not an option; he didn’t need any more reasons to dislike her boyfriend.

Going back to trailer park would only probably lead to some unnecessary argument what was the last thing the girl wanted right now.

She needed some advice from someone close to her heart and most importantly someone with clear mind and objective approach. Leaving the parking spot she knew where to go. Her girl best friend, Nancy Wheeler, was obvious choice. She was always the calm and responsible one in their pair, balancing crazy actions Y/n usually put them through.

Nancy was surprised seeing Hopper girl standing in front of her when she opened the door. She was well aware of her Saturday rituals with Munson, which usually ended up in the late evening, but right now was only 6 pm.

But what was the most concerning was the look on her friend’s face.

“Y/n, what the hell happened? Have you been crying? Is someone hurt?”

“Eddie cheated on me” loud sob broke out of nowhere, really scaring Nancy.

How could he? Wasn’t he supposed to propose to Y/n? She couldn’t believe it, especially after discovering Eddie’s plans. And clearly everybody saw the love in curly haired boy’s eyes - and for her, eyes were direct window to the human’s soul.

“At least I think that it happened. It’s just… Eddie wasn’t himself since last weekend. He said it was some stress. But we always talked about it! We supported each other and always have done everything to lessen the stress.” the warm hands on her shoulders immediately stopped the quite unclear rambling full of tears and sniffing.

“Do you have any proof? You know how are boys; sometimes their pride doesn’t let them to speak freely about their feelings.”

“But Nance, I heard him on the phone. He was saying something about some woman not knowing something cause it will only disappoint her. And as you know Eddie doesn’t know many hers!”

Taking deep breath, Wheeler girl invited the girl inside and brought straight to her room. It would be quite a challenge to calm the girl without ruining the surprise engagement.

“Y/n I assure you that you got everything wrong. Eddie fucking loves you! He looks at you like you are his sun, moon and stars. I don’t believe that that man could ever intentionally hurt you. You have to talk with him. But not today. Today, you call your dad and we have a small slumber party. Just the two of us, like we used to in middle school.”

That seemed to slightly help the girl. She only nodded and went downstairs stairs to call her home. Nancy used this moment to get her walkie-talkie. She had to act fast, she felt like the whole relationship depended on her.

“Eddie. It’s no good. You have to propose. Preferably tomorrow. Y/n is extremly overthing at this point. Act fast and smart.”

Eddie Munson almost fainted when he heard the Wheeler girl. Y/n had to go to her and speak about their problems. Which were born in Y/n head just because he was a freaking coward.

The only thing he was sure of now was that it was time to finally be brave. Be selfish and be like he was back in high school - not caring about anyone, just listening to this heart. And what was his heart saying? Right now his heart only wanted to love and cherish Y/n Hopper forever, till the day he dies.

taglist

rude

@offical-bee @bakugouswh0r3 @nightthou @angelina0191 @brxkenartt @screambih @this--is--music @waiting-for-cas-to-save-me @floriscus

#stranger things imagine #eddie munson series #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x hopper!reader #eddie munson x reader

[doomedship]

Alexi is probably still really salty that everyone hated Nucy 😂😂

**Okay I saved this to drafts by mistake so it's old, sorry**

Lol right? I feel like he's mad he didn't come up with Chenford and now he's like look mom I can do better with this Bailey arc. And maybe Ashley too.

He strikes me as one of those screenwriters who is stubborn and attached to his own ideas and also, who doesn't especially like or know how to show romantic love. I suspect he looks down on shipping (many male showrunners do, and choose to bring ships down in very violent ways, but I digress) and thinks it's beneath him to get bogged down in romantic storylines.

If you look back, almost every couple on this show has sprung out of nowhere with no believable lead in.

Consider:

Nucy - this is just a straight up straight male fantasy. Divorced older guy gets super hot young woman. In reality, would Lucy go there, considering the work context, age difference and who Nolan is? Doubt it.

Wopez - a lust at first sight, opposites attract fantasy. While cute and not something I feel particularly strongly about, I'm not sure I ever really bought into what they were basing this relationship on. We also sprinted through the stages of the relationship very artificially.

Noley - dear god, essays have been written about how this is an atrocious, insulting straight male fantasy about a manic pixie dream girl. It is the worst of the lot.

Jackson's love interests - there were a few of these but none of them really registered as significant. Sterling was some kind of celebrity fantasy that ended up just plain weird. Isaac was basically irrelevant and never showed up again. Jackson's story would have been largely the same with or without these peripheral characters, so the romance side of things was effectively pointless. Can't help but think they didn't really know what to do with a non straight male character in this regard.

Emmett/Lucy - again, it was a pointless manufactured side relationship and ended up being a stick with which to beat Lucy. She didn't get any follow up on this and Tim was an ass about it. Then that Tanner guy. No follow up. No point.

Tashley - remains to be seen whether it will be subverted but so far strongly looks like another dream woman scenario for Tim. Unrealistic, annoying and, assuming she is not his endgame, pointless.

Henry/Abigail - the young love hot girl fantasy. I don't really know what the point is here either, but whatever on this one.

Harper - the ex fantasy. I'd have bought Harper's relationship with either James or her ex quite comfortably, had they not decided to turn it into a hot mess of concurrent romances. It's like they can't make their minds up on which way to take her so they keep lurching from one to the other. This makes it pointless because they don't seem to know where they want it to end up and they've also basically removed all her integrity in the process.

So are any of the relationships on this show believable and /or enjoyable?

I found Nolan/Grace to be the most authentic, personally. I didn't ship it or love it, but it didn't bother me. Grey/Luna is also nice, but we've seen them for all of five seconds. Nolan and his ex wife may also have been a more organic relationship but I can't say I paid much attention to it. This is the problem with having so many guests coming and going on the show.

Obviously for me the most believable, organic, subtle and interesting (pre) romantic dynamic is Chenford in season 1 and season 2. Unfortunately I think it is the case that this happened purely by accident, and the show's attempts to deliberately write Chenford since then just haven't compared.

I suppose they're limited by Alexi holding up the block on any actual romantic interactions between Chenford, but even the work talk and banter we're seeing has not been remotely close to what we used to get from these two, so I don't know whether they've simply lost their feel for the characters or something else is going on in that writers' room.

#the rookie #chenford #ds: asks

[evil-is-relative]

Hi! You reblogged a post from the random OCs fairy so I'm taking that as permission to ask you things. So:

If you were starting a new Skyrim playthrough tomorrow, who would you pick as your main DB and why? Top 3 is fine if you can't settle on one.

And secondly, would any of them get on with Lucien, and how would that friendship pan out?

Feel free to go into as much detail as you like!

No one needs any excuse to ask me things! Ask away! I love asks! Thank you for asking!

I’d actually try replaying Ysmir, because it’s been a LONG time since I was able to play Skyrim, and there are some mods that have released or updated that I wanted to try with her. I also, I think, would play Tyr. I have a whole set of headcannons for what would have happened had he been able to be the Last Dragonborn rather than dying in Thalmor prison, including Fey being sent after him. Soulmates, after all. I really want to write his story one day, but I have SO MANY other projects! X’D

Darva, Child!Ysmir/Blossom and Orien have already been designed in-game, so I think I might try for making them adoptable? I never got that far in the Creation Kit before it stopped working on my laptop, so I’d love to try it again on my computer! Otherwise, I might even commission someone to make them, if I’m able to keep up the dogsitting the way I have been.

^Miraak reading to Darva

Both would get on with Lucien, and both would be horrified that he was let out without a keeper. Naturally, Ysmir takes everything upon herself. He would probably want to write down her story, which makes her nervous considering she doesn’t want her grandfather to realize she is alive. Eventually, she would probably have him stay at one of her homes as a “writing retreat” when she couldn’t be there personally. Basically, much like she did with Eric the Slayer, only he went off to become a mercenary, while I strongly suspect Lucien would remain an academic. He may end up tutoring her children, since Blaise keeps scaring teachers away. Miraak is the only one that can get Blaise to behave when it comes to sitting down and learning.

Tyr, I think, he would probably meet at one of the ruins of Oblivion Gates (I always take Tyr to them, it’s a connection to his family), and be absolutely FASCINATED by this Nord that knows SO MUCH about them! Even more so when he figures out Tyr is the Champion’s grandson. He might end up hiring Tyr for protection as well, since he is a member of the Companions after walking out on childhood friend Ulfric after Torygg’s death. He feels somewhat responsible for it, since his developing thu’um was noticed by the Nords in Windhelm, but everyone assumed it was Ulfric The Jarl’s Son rather than his half-Dunmer friend. Ulfric was sent off to learn from the Greybeards, while Tyr remained in the Greyquarter with his father. The Stormcloak’s prejudice toward Dunmer and Ulfric’s lack of care of them is a huge wedge in their relationship, which finally comes to a snapping point when Ulfric won’t agree to not attack Whiterun for ONE FREAKING DAY while Tyr captures a dragon to save the world. If he can’t put his ambitions aside for one day, then he’s truly not the friend Tyr followed into the Great War.

(I always picture Tyr, btw, when I read about your Saering. I’m not sure why other than extremely redheaded Nord. My head already has an actor for that.)

^Tyr being Very Mad at the Elder Council in Asylum: Heir Apparent.

^Baby!Ysmir/Blossom and Orien hanging out with another matched set in Asylum: Heir Apparent. Blossom doesn’t have a lot of the restraint Ysmir was forced to learn, yet.

"Can I play with your knives?" Blossom asked, looking at them with naked appreciation.

Ama mock-narrowed her eyes at the little girl. "Do you know how to sharpen them the right way?"

The look of thinly veiled annoyance seemed very out of place on such a young face. "Yes," she said, hopping up to straddle the bench facing Ama, holding out her hands to prove herself.

"Good. I hug, you sharpen. Let's go." Ama scooped her up and set her in her lap, where all the necessary items were already laid out. "Do a good job, and I bet Telki'll make you your own set for your birthday."

Picking up the first one and resolving to make this the best job she ever did, Blossom leaned back against the affectionate adult and carefully sharpened the dagger. She had no idea why people wanted to hug her so much. Orien seemed to love it. Speaking of her twin, he was trying to wiggle his way into the other one's lap without warning her that he was there first. 

Nala felt a bump at her elbow, and looked down to see a match to the little redheaded girl sharpening her sister's daggers. "Well hello, Cuteness!"

Blossom smiled a little at the woman's reaction and cuddled into Ama. Maybe she could see why people liked cuddling and hugging them. Orien was adorable. She was his twin. Together they were twice as adorable.

She quickly started plotting to use this to gain access to more sweetrolls.

Orien was looking wide-eyed from her to Ama. "You match!" he cried, face breaking out in a delighted smile. "Blossom, they match! We match! We match match!"

#thank you for asking! #Ysmir #Miraak #Lucien #Darva #Tyr #Blossom #Orien #Dragon Kin #Asylum

[idontfindyouthatinteresting]

Death Stranding: A Love Letter

Death Stranding, we’ve been waiting for you for a long time and to be honest there were times where we thought, we’re never getting this game, it just isn’t going to happen. I had this game on pre-order for over 2 years. 2 YEARS! The expectation level was obviously very high, and from my perspective it firmly... delivers. 

WARNING - SPOILER ALERT - This is a review/breakdown by someone who’s finished the game, for people who have finished the game. You have been warned!

Death Stranding revels in it’s cinematic credentials constantly and with intense consistency. From panoramic mountainous vistas which you can control, to dazzling close ups of it’s digitally recreated stars, to just watching Sam go to his Private Room. It’s stunning and a testament to Kojima's cinematic knowledge with every shot. 

Not only does Death Stranding handle this beauty, and intricate world building and story telling with ease and grace; it’s concepts and emotional ideas (which I’ll go into more later) are translated so strongly that you can’t help but get swept up in it. This is the sort of experience that I’m used to getting from films, who embed this framework within their narratives so deeply, in a way it’s expected. Death Stranding hits you like a freight train. Through the power of the performances, the narrative and the fresh nature of the ideas it’s portraying. 

Death Stranding’s emotive credentials are set firmly in 2 scales, the more typical big stuff, saving the world, stopping the extinction, well trodden video game territory. But where it truly sets itself apart, embodied so perfectly when Sam walks away from Die-Hardman’s Inauguration speech, and sets to surprise is in how it handles what could be argued to be the smaller scale stuff. 

Sam’s emotional world is rich and powerful, from his Aphenphosmphobia to the fact that we see him openly weep and break down holding a crying child. This is a male lead in a video game, and as a woman I loved seeing Sam being so vulnerable, to the point where he’s physically naked in those shots (ssshhh, there are academic reasons too.) It’s fresh and poignant, and as a woman it gives me access to media rejecting the male gaze so completely. 

On the notion of the Male Gaze, there is some stuff to unpick about the game’s female characters, as much as I would have loved to have seen more, with some ethnic diversity also, it doesn’t subject it’s women to typical video game stereotypes. The creators of the network (whatever it’s true intentions) are all women, Amelie found the path through the country to place the terminals, with the hardware and software created by Mama and Lockne respectively. This network is recognized as the saviour of humanity, the only male input is Sam connecting the terminals with the Q-pid, a Q-pid created by Mama and Lockne. Fragile is the only character powerful enough to get Sam and all the other characters to where they need to go through her DOOMs. I think the shows opinion on Male Gaze is shown in the story, when Fragile is using Sam’s shower, and Sam moves to the glass, his intention is to see her timefall damaged skin, but Sam is punished for it by Fragile as he questions her motives, she’s aggressive and she puts him thoroughly in his place for it. I love love love the physical powerplay in this scene between them. 

Sam is reluctant, profoundly unhappy, arguably suicidal, and is convinced to do all of this purely to help save his friend. Sam is a constant reminder that there is so much more at play here, drilled home every time he flinches away or holds Lou in his hands. Although there is a world to save, it can be for nothing unless you save yourself too. Sam and Fragile’s final discussion brings this home. Before leaving to stop Amelie Sam is full of hope, but in losing Lou, he does a 180, he’s just a man getting to the next sun rise. Something I’m sure a lot of people can identify with. 

This narrative nuance is reflected in Cliff. Through the memories we’re shown a man just trying to save his child, not the world, not willing to sacrifice his child to be made into the activation code for a city, no matter the cause. He just wants to be a father and that is his driving force. Mads Mikkelsen was my gateway into this particular world, safe to say I have an intense soft spot for him. I can go on all damn day about how talented he is. He’s the best in the business, no one does what he can, no one else can give a performance that is so real and so raw but so full of fight. Mads can take the your most profound story line, otherworldly in it’s extreme, and he embeds it so firmly in the human experience, you’ll never be able to untangle that web. That is why his ability to do what he does can almost never be questioned. You let him get to the heart of your story and that is what he’ll do to it and that is why it works. Mads Mikkelsen could easily have been Higgs, based on early trailers we suspected he was Higgs, but he isn’t. Could not be further from it. 

Death Stranding’s narrative dichotomy in this way is resembled perfectly in the games two ‘Boss’ characters, Cliff and Higgs. Higgs represents the greater plan, the end of the world stuff, and Cliff the smaller scale human to human emotion. Sam must overcome both. 

Death Stranding has an even wider scope, an even wider message. Kojima hasn’t been shy about his message of connection being prominent and poignant in the current political climate, being from the UK I feel this so keenly, but the same is present in the US as well. Humanity driven further apart, through legislation, walls and boarders. You can see the potence of the message being translated through a video game, when alternate reality, video game violence and social media is being blamed for these things. It’s fighting back in a way. Death Stranding’s gameplay is full of positivity, from the signs that other players can leave you that replenish your stamina, make your BB happy, to the fact that if you knock a MULE out in water they have a neck float so they don’t drown and die. 

The lack of violence in this way and use of ‘non-lethal’ guns, which are described as such, were again refreshing. I’m not a first person shooter gamer, never have been, could not be less appealing to me if it tried. But Death Stranding doesn’t just have a gun aversion, to me it is explicitly anti-gun. Again another important message, particularly when the game is set in the US. One of my favourite moments in the whole game is Sam listening to Die-Hardman’s grovelling apology for his actions, his thoughts and his prayers, only for Sam to shove the gun Die-Hardman brought to the Beach back at him, warning him with disgust at his actions, by passing on the message, “that gun won’t work here” and walking away. I completed a video game without taking a single human life. It rejects the notion so fully and completely. You stop the extinction, save humanity, not with a gun but by hugging Amelie, reminding her about how valuable human life is, every human life. It’s not to be thrown away, you need to give it a chance to bloom.

In Death Stranding humanity is left cowering underground, separated by an invisible enemy in the form of BT’s, it has to learn to fight back, with literal blood, sweat and tears. If you couple the notion of the invisible enemy with Bring Me the Horizon’s ‘Ludens’ Lyrics:

Sticks and stones may break my bones but soon the sting will pass But names can dig so many graves, you won't know where to stand

I love this line. (BMTH wrote that song in 5 days to get it into the game in time, by the way!) As children we’re taught that names shouldn’t hurt us, but actually they do. In a time where the effects of racism, sexism, homophobia, all of this “name calling” are putting people in their actual graves, these lyrics should be heard more keenly. Political leaders put people in their graves with their words, through direct or indirect means. These words are the BTs of our world, invisible hands which destroy people.

Some of the criticisms of the game are based on elements of game play, like the deliveries you need to make, as slow and tiresome. Higgs himself addresses this asking whether you’re tired of the grind, begging for a “game over”? 

The game is not only acutely aware that perhaps trudging all over the US with vast cargo loads isn’t what you want to be doing, but it knows it’s what you need to do. And truly, in what way is that different from shooting your way through levels and scenarios to get to the end? Death Stranding makes you feel the sacrifice Sam is making and you experience that with him, every time you fall and drop your cargo, every time you stumble down a mountain side, every time you wreck your stamina bar climbing an incline. Video games can’t really make you feel what it’s like to kill an enemy soldier with an air strike, but hell it can make you feel frustrated at having to climb another mountain with a boat load of heavy gear. 

Death Stranding rejects the idea of a ‘game over’ and other video game staples in other ways, it mockingly calls Higgs and Cliffs narrative end “Boss fights” and when Deadman says that wiping Lou’s memories, her connection with Sam in order to make her work better than a piece of equipment is just a ‘do-over’ a reset, normal, Sam rejects that it’s not that simple and Norman’s performance brings that home acutely. It’s not just a game. 

From style, to message, to performance, to rejection of the Male Gaze, Death Stranding is an intense and beautiful game. It managed to hook me so thoroughly (as I’m sure you’ve been able to tell from my live tweeting/blogging) and I don’t imagine I’ll get the hook out of my heart for a while. It speaks to something higher and I love it for it.

Keep On Keeping On.

#Death Stranding #Hideo Kojima #Norman Reedus #Mads Mikkelsen #Sam Porter Bridges #Clifford Unger #mine #OPINION ALERT #long post

[c-is-for-circinate]

I've been trying to figure out why I dont like Caduceus and your last meta reply got me closer to figuring it out. Like, I've been trying to like him, or at least figure why I dont, and describing him as 'a good person who doesnt have the self awareness to realize hes a jerk' I think got close to my issue with him, so thanks for the Good Meta

This is in response to this post, which I know some people agreed with very strongly and which made some other people very upset.  I’m glad it clicked with you, at least, and that it helped clarify some Cad stuff for you!

I think that a very big thing about Taliesin’s characters across the board, for me, is how intensely judgy they have the capacity to be.  In many ways, Caduceus is less judgmental than Percy or Molly, which is a fascinating thing to think about.  And I have found that fascinating since pretty much my second or third episode of Critical Role, because so much of that judgment tends to be couched in, ‘I judge you for not accepting other people the way I think you should’.  Percy loves Keyleth but also thinks she’s naive, too idealistic about what people ought to be rather than acknowledging and planning for the flaws he’s sure he knows they have.  Molly dresses and talks and walks and presents himself in such a flamboyant way specifically to elicit reactions, specifically so he can decide who to write off completely and not worry about any more.  In both cases it’s this super-interesting, incredibly relatable picture of a person who judges other people for their judgments.  

Because Critical Role is such a long-form show, we got to see Percy be proven right and be proven wrong, we got to see him smug and we got to see him humble, and we got to see a lot of different angles on both his standards (what other people ought to be doing) and his stubbornness (how ready he was to dismiss people who didn’t meet them).  Because we lost Molly so early, we only really got to start scratching the surface of his assumptions and certainties, and one of my biggest regrets is that we didn’t get to explore them so much more.  In both cases, that stubborn sureness--I know how the world works, better than anybody around me--was one of my favorite parts of the character.  It’s such an interesting flaw, because it wasn’t always detrimental.  Both Percy and Molly were often right, or at least they acted in line with their assumptions and the universe responded how they expected, and the team benefited from it.  Both of them had a certain amount of ‘and it’s our job to be decent to other people’ as part of that worldview, which really helped in making them likable.  Both of them made sense, which led to the (for me) really great cognitive experience of, “okay, I agree with this character, but also I don’t think they’re the ultimate authority they believe themself to be!  but I do think they’re right!  but maybe they shouldn’t be so sure they’re right!”  I find internal narrative conflict like that extremely compelling, and in particular the exploration of being judgmental about other people’s judgment resonates with me a lot.

So I’ve been waiting for cracks and criticisms with Caduceus, because I suspected from very early on that he, too, would be Extremely Sure He Understands How the World Works At All Times.  I have been looking for the places he Knows He’s Right, and I’ve been eating them up.

Cad’s certainties are completely different than Percy’s and Molly’s, but once again, it’s incredibly difficult to say he’s wrong.  He believes in fate--well, if you declare that everything that happens was supposed to happen, how is it ever possible to say he’s wrong?  He believes Melora is watching and guiding and wants for him to do things--it’s D&D, she literally is watching (and if she happens to be a lot less invested in any specific outcome than Caduceus thinks, she’s not about to tell him so).  He believes he has a job, has a purpose.  Because it’s D&D, because it’s a story, because the story needs to go places and as the PCs it’s their job to do things to get there, on a very real meta level he’s literally correct.  

He thinks that his job and his purpose is to help people--and how can we say he’s wrong?  How can we say he shouldn’t try to be a good person, try to help?  And he’s doing his best, and his best so often does help, and when it doesn’t, then it’s not his fault because there are other circumstances.  It’s almost impossible to argue with that.  Objectively, Caduceus is doing his best.  Objectively, in many cases it is helpful.

And yet, that doesn’t mean that Caduceus objectively knows the best way to help in every situation--which even he readily admits.  It doesn’t mean Caduceus necessarily knows the “best” way to help even in the situations where he is helpful.

Because right, the other thing about D&D is, Caduceus fundamentally cannot be the Sole Correct Authority on Everything, no matter how much sense his sureness makes.  He literally can’t be, because Tal is one of eight people at that table, and he’s not the one running the world.  He can be absolutely justified in being mad at Nott, which he absolutely is, and it still isn’t a universal truth that Caduceus Is Right and Nott Is Wrong.  There are no universal truths at that table.  Not even Matt has universal truths, not about what characters think or feel or do, not about moral absolutism.

(I’m someone who gets really twitchy around people who are Extremely Sure.  I’ve known a disproportionate number of them in real life, and I’ve got very specific instinctive skills for not pissing them off that I occasionally wish I hadn’t had to develop.  Part of turning from a conflict-averse 20-year-old into a grown-ass adult on my part has involved learning not to automatically agree that the universe must work a certain way, just because a very smart, very sure person who makes sense says so.  Part of it’s involved learning not to be that very sure person myself.  

I think I grab at moments when Caduceus very clearly isn’t 100% correct because of that.  I love the fact that, in Critical Role, we have this multi-layered, many-voiced story proving that even if a character is right, they’re not necessarily the bearer of Objective Universal Truth.  Rather than a story where it feels like the author and the universe are trying to make me agree with one person, it’s a story where a character can be right and not right from a thousand different directions at the same time.  (Which, if nothing else, makes the story and the character feel so much safer to me.))

Caduceus is a little bit passive-aggressive sometimes, going back to Caduceus and Nott and the original discussion of that other post.  And, right, he wants to avoid conflict within the group so he doesn’t make a big deal out of certain things, and just like all of his opinions, it’s hard to say he’s wrong in that.  And he has every right and reason and justification for having emotions about some of the many very big things that have happened to him lately.  He’s right (he’s not wrong) about a lot of things.  He’s actually really good about recusing himself from situations where he doesn’t have the background or knowledge to be right at least to his own standards.

The thing that has me calling Caduceus a little childish is that he’s so utterly disinclined to acknowledge the possibility of nuance.  He knows how to help Fjord (he’s decided that he knows how to help Fjord), so he does.  He doesn’t know how to help Nott, so he doesn’t.  We’ve never seen him take so much as a moment to consider whether or not he’s right in his assessment of his ability to help in either case.  And yeah, to me that does feel a little immature.  It’s not that he’s got a philosophy and he sticks to it, it’s that he lacks the self-awareness to even acknowledge the blind spots it might give him, let alone try to amend them.

And that’s okay.  Acknowledging that Caduceus might possibly be a little bit of a hypocrite, a little judgy, a little wrong in his mental image of the universe and his place in it, makes him so much more interesting.  It makes him a person.  Not an infallible mouthpiece from God; not a perfect sage holding all the wisdom of the ages.  He’s a good person, trying to do his best.  

He’s a good character, because he’s an examination of how all these traits both hinder and sometimes help his attempts to be a good person.  Stubborn certainty got the M9 up on their feet after Yasha left, comforted Fjord away from U’kotoa, saved a tribe of giants.  Caduceus is multifaceted, and the game is multifaceted, and the very same characteristics can be great in one situation and a real problem in another, just like life.

#asked and answered #critical role #driveby meta attack #welp #apparently I still had Things To Say about Cad #Anonymous

[atamascolily]

lily liveblogs “terminator 2: judgement day” for the first time

Nothing says "Christmas season" like watching bloody action movies! Well, there is "Die Hard," but I'm watching Terminator 2: Judgement Day, aka "James Cameron Was Mad He Didn't Put Those Ten Minutes of Subplot He Filmed Into the Theatrical Cut of the First Terminator, So He Made An Entire Movie About It Instead Because He Could”.

Ok, so I have the "Extreme Edition", whatever that means. The menu options for the DVD include "Sensory Control" (for subtitle options) and "Jump Into Timeline". Every now and then a super-creepy T-2 metallic head drops into frame to remind you to press play. I'm loving this.  

Cars in L.A. traffic. Children laughing on a playground in the '90s. Cut to the Apocalyptic Nightmare Future with the busted cars and skeletons for drivers. Everything's STILL IN PLACE the way it was when Judgement Day happened. Oooh, yeah, just cut to the wrecked playground with a pile of human skulls, in case we didn't get the memo.

(for the record, I'm pretty sure nuclear winter would actually NOT WORK LIKE THIS, but it looks cool, and James Cameron seems to be really good at this kind of parallels between present and future, so I'm rolling with it.)

Sarah Connor narrates the introductory spiel, and we're treated to basically the same opening as T1, except much higher budget everything. Lots of laser beams and explosions and fireballs, plus scary metal Terminators roaming around that the last movie did NOT have the budget for. (plus the audiences have already seen that in T1, so it's okay to show them in the intro, since I assume an EVEN SCARIER TERMINATOR FINAL FORM is coming).

We're only 3 minutes into the movie and the filmmakers have already spent like a tenth of their total budget on SFX and twice the total costs of the first movie. 

It occurs to me as Sarah is narrating, who is she narrating to? Just us, or some other characters? I strongly suspect we'll see some other characters when this film finally cuts to her.

How does Sarah know about a second strike? Didn't we establish in the last movie that there was only one Terminator that went through the portal before the humans got to it?? Are they retconning that now?

Instead of '80s synth and logo during the credits, we get a more symphonic treatment of the main theme, plus THE PLAYGROUND ON FIRE because SYMBOLISM for the destruction of CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE, amirite?? And then we cut to the SCARY METALLIC RED-EYED TERMINATOR SKELETON IN FLAMES because THAT is the defining image of this francise, the one that James Cameron had NIGHTMARES about that he decided to give to EVERYBODY ELSE by making these films.

I just realized how much the Terminator head in that shot looks like a human skull, THAT'S SO INTENTIONAL AAAAAH.

Cut to a truck driving off without its cargo, trash on the ground. Sparks fly, a wind picks up, it's night, we've been here before... This time the budget is higher, so we actually get to SEE the sphere instead of people just kind of appearing... and it carves a hole in one of the trucks. This ALSO didn't happen in T1. Nudity is still mandatory, though. It's still Arnold. You can tell it's an upgraded model Terminator based on his computer system menus. He still beats up tattooed punks to steal their clothes, only instead of stoned punks, these are long-haired motorcycle dudes in some sort of pool bar.

Oh, wow, there are a lot of people in this bar. A woman with a cigarette and a nose ring is checking the Terminator out. This is going to go well. Country music blares on the soundtrack.

He's looking for the dude with the best motorcycle. Tells him to give him his stuff. This is just like the first movie, but different. The dude is unimpressed, though why I'm not sure, because the Terminator is super-intense, and super-buff.

But the motorcycle dude blows smoke in his face--the T2 model scan says "carcinogen vapors", which is a) hilarious, and b) SO DIFFERENT FROM THE "EVERYBODY IS ALWAYS SMOKING EVERYWHERE" vibe of 1984--a sign of the evolving social norms. Then the motorcycle dude grinds his cigar into the Terminator's bare skin... and of course there's no reaction.

One dude goes through a window onto the front window of what may well be his car(?). The original dude goes flying into the kitchen and lands on a stove, which is horrific, but also karmic payback. Another gets stabbed with his own knife. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, CAMERON. Burned guy tries to pull a gun on the Terminator, but surrenders his keys and his clothes without a fight. Terminator goes outside in record time, because the dude he tossed on the car window is still there.

The bartender comes out with a gun, fires a shot into the air, and tells the Terminator to get off the bike. This is going to end poorly for him, especially since "Bad to the Bone" is playing in the background. Terminator takes both the gun and the guy's shades while the dude just watches, incredulously. YOU GOT LUCKY YOU'RE NOT HIS TARGET/MISSION, pal.

(also: this movie is such an obvious social commentary about how being armed really doesn't help you against a real threat, American fantasies to the contrary)

Cut to more blowing trash, more buildings, more trucks, a police car, electricity. The future is calling! (Oh good, this person's either going to be chased by the police OR Take their stuff.)

Dramatic hole in the fence from the future sphere thing. Yeah, this definitely wasn't a thing in the first movie, but it does look cool in this shot! Yep, there goes the policeman!

New dude's first order of business is to look up John Connor's name in the computer in the police car. Apparently, John Connor has a criminal record - trespassing, shoplifting, disturbing the peace, vandalism. He doesn't live with Sarah... he's got a guardian, and the address is in the computer.

Cut to the suburbs. It's wholesome, white-bread America. His foster mother yells at him. John is a teenage motorcycle punk, but in a clean, wholesome way. His friend has very '90s hair, though.

John's friend thinks that his foster mom is a "dick," but frankly, I see no evidence why we should hate her thus far. Her husband comes out to tell John to clean his room, but he and his little friend are already zipping away on their motorcycle, and the little friend is holding a miniature boombox, and it's so '90s, I have to pause so I can laugh for a while. Also, this rebelliousness is what's going to save his life when the Terminator comes for him. I guess the foster parents are framed as nagging assholes so we don't care so much when they die??

(also, what do you want to bet Sarah taught John to ride a motorcycle??)

John Connor is a little dick who thinks he's so clever, and he doesn't have to do anything because these aren't his real parents. His foster dad smokes, and doesn't say anything, probably because he's already made it clear to his wife that room cleaning is not high on his priority list. Fuck him.

Sarah's doing pull-ups in her cell. THOSE ARM MUSCLES, OH MY GOD. She's 29 years old. SUCH A CHANGE from the waitress with the '80s hair from the first film. Everything's so white, it's a state psychiatric ward for women. Men in suits discussing Sarah's case.

THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO KYLE IF THE TERMINATOR HADN'T BUSTED THE POLICE STATION. *sob*

Is Silbermann - the psychiatrist who examined Kyle in T1 still around? He left the police station right before the Terminator's attack, so I assume he lived... what does he make of Sarah's case? Does he ever follow up? I wonder what's going through his head.

I like how we don't see Sarah's face until she turns to face the doctors. I like how wild and unhinged she looks, how feral. She's changed so much in what, ten years? Thirteen? I think it's 1997, just before Judgement Day, but idk if that's been confirmed yet. Thirteen looks about right for John Connor, so I'm going with that.

Oh, god IT IS DR. SILBERMANN, THAT ASSHOLE!!! How does he explain how both Sarah AND Kyle have schizophrenia, when Sarah was perfectly normal before? And he *know* someone was murdering other Sarah Connors and seemed to be gunning for her, so why...? Was he really that much of an asshole not to suspect that *something* was going on, and Sarah wasn't crazy??

Also, I love "How's the knee?" because she totally hurt him, and I love her. I love how calm she sounds, like she's the one in control not them, because she can hurt them more than they can hurt her.

Sarah stares at the female doctors, and I realize now that Silbermann is doing a tour of the facility LIKE IT'S A ZOO, and... yeah, wow, he really is an asshole. He's the one with delusions, who can't see outside his own sheltered bubble...

I wonder what would happen if Sarah could talk to one of the female doctors? If they could make a connection? Maybe they would believe her. God knows Silbermann isn't going to listen to anyone who doesn't already agree with him.

God, the orderlies are sadist assholes. I fucking hate them. That shot of Sarah lying crumpled on the floor is so beautiful because everything is angelic pristine white and sunny, and so horrifying.

The police dude shows up at John's foster parents' house. We're supposed to think he's good because he's not Arnold, but this person has no facial expressions and he's too calm - compare with Kyle's frantic fumblings. This is not somebody from the human resistance of T1, at least not without some serious retconning. He's too poised and professional, too adept at the 1990s, whereas Kyle Reese had the social skills of a feral racoon and wore pants he stole from a homeless man. Totally different vibe going here.

The knock on the door sequence is so parallel to the original Terminator going to the first Sarah Connor's house in T1... same suburban paradise... and you can get anything when you're a clean-shaven, short-haired white cop, can't you??

Cut to: '90s tech. John and his little friend hacking an ATM. God. Their clothes, their hair, the ATM... everything is peak early '90s, and I can't handle it. We learn that Sarah Connor taught her son how to hack, because of course she does.

John keeps the photo of Sarah in his backpack, awwww. John is so not impressed by his mother, calls her crazy because she took the war to Cyberdyne and WENT BACK AND TRIED TO BLOW UP THE COMPUTER FACTORY AGAIN AFTER KYLE DIED!! (and her son was born)

Q: what did she do with John while she did that? Was he outside waiting for her somewhere? How did the police find him??

It doesn't matter who your parents are, EVERY teenager thinks their parents are "total losers". John has a chip on his shoulder a mile wide. His little punk friend thinks Sarah is so cool, and he doesn't know any of this, so I guess they're not THAT good friends??? Since it's John's motorcycle, John's driving, and John's stolen money, I guess the little unnamed punk friend is only hanging out with John because John is so much cooler than him, and needs someone to exposit to??

That shot of a drugged Sarah slumped over her knees on her bed in the shaft of sunlight, with her hair combed is SO BEAUTIFUL, too bad she's a drugged shadow of her usual self...

OH MY GOD, MICHAEL BIEHN IS IN THIS MOVIE, AND HE COMES TO HER, AND HE'S WEARING HIS TRENCH COAT AND TELLING HER SHE HAS TO WAKE UP OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG MY SHIPPER HEART asfhgfkgkfdgjkfdlgf *incoherent screaming* I need a thousand GIF sets of this scene PRONTO.

Kyle: "Where's our son???"

god, Sarah's EYES when she says they took him from her

Kyle is so earnest, so desperate, so much less bedraggled than he ever was in T1... god, he's even wearing that stupid gown under his trench coat that he got in the police station in T1, that detail wrecks me, oh my god, oh my god, this scene is so beautiful, I just want an entire movie of THIS, oh my god...

Sarah is begging Kyle for help, and he grabs her shoulders and tells her she's strong, stronger than she ever thought she could be, LIKE HE'S ALWAYS DONE, OH MY GOD, beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, I love him.

AHHHHHHHHHHH, and then he says "On your feet, soldier!" which is what she said to HIM right before he DIED, and he forces her UP and they EMBRACE and she's sobbing into his shoulder and he hells her he loves her and he always will, and HKGKSFJALFNDBJNJN

I am a melting pile of shipper goo right now, this shot of them in the sunlight is so fucking beautiful, James Cameron HOW DARE YOU THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED IN A MOVIE EXCEPT THAT KYLE IS STILL DEAD, DAMN IT, YOU DIDN'T RETCON THAT.

He says he'll always be with her... and he is, because he's a voice in her head, a memory.... ahhhhhhhh my heart...

And he tells her "The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves," which is what SHE SAID TO HIM, oh my GODDDDDDDD.

And they hug and kiss and I could watch a whole movie about this, and then she slumps back and she's alone in her cell in a shaft of sunlight and I just want to cry. whhhhhyyyyy do you have to hurt me this way, why, why why why why whyyyyyy?

Oh wait, he's at the door to the cell, and it's open, telling her there's not much time... and walking away, and she goes out to follow him as he's walking down the hall and everything's so eerily perfect white and shiny and beautiful and SURREAL, fuck, I am so HERE FOR THIS!

God, this is all beautifully shot as she chases after him - and we get a good view of her amazing forearm muscles without objectifying her. The nightgown she's wearing is NOT standard institutional outfit - it looks more like lingerie than State Mental Hospital Standard Issue - but it's not especially revealing, either.

She opens the doors and she's outside and there's that playground again with all the children playing... SYMBOLISM AGAIN.... Sarah is locked out, away from the children, yelling to save them... and then fire.

And she wakes up in her cell and her hair is a mess again, so this time we know it's real -- and her outfit's changed, too, back to the tank top she was originally wearing, so I guess her outfit was part of the dream, too.

(ngl, I wasn't expecting even THIS MUCH of Michael Biehn in this movie, so I will happily take it, but stilllllllll... I WANT MORE, GODDAMN IT!!!)

(this got long, so I’m breaking it up into parts)

#Movie Reviews #terminator 2 #terminator #MY SHIPPER HEART

[hellsparadiseessays]

Aza Brothers Week - Day 5

I released that essay on r/Jigokuraku back in early July, about one month after the infamous chapter 56 got out. It wasn’t a fun topic to tackle, so as a result I’m leaving the warning I put at the start of the essay before the cut. Because chapter 56 was not ok. Though keep in mind that I’m not mad at UG for it - quite the contrary, his intent is clearly not to make the chapter sexy. However, I heavily suspected the fandom to not find it as obvious because well, we have our own cultural issues. And considering how this essay has been received, and the stuff I noticed even in the Japanese side of the fandom... Well, this essay is in my opinion much needed to explain why chapter 56 is more brutal that it seems. It’s also a good follow-up on yesterday’s post, which stopped at chapter 55. 

Warning : This thread will contain references to rape, so if the topic is sensitive to you, I suggest you avoid reading it. This thread will contain spoilers for the most recent chapters as well, so read it once you’re up to date with the manga to avoid being spoiled and know what I am talking about.

Chapter 56 - A commentary on power and powerlessness

I have been keeping it to myself (and occasionally kinda raged about it on Discord join us) ever since chapter 56 was released, back in April. I’ll be honest with you, despite me joking with everybody else on Discord, that chapter really hit a personal chord and I had a hard time working on this commentary because of that. Let’s just say I regularly had to stop and come back to it a few days later, once I got my head cool again and my brain fully functional – I didn’t want my emotions to get in the way of the analysis.

Here we are now, ready to tackle a difficult topic: the borderline rape of Chôbe by Rien. And I say “borderline”, only because it was Chôbe who successfully did his Chôbe thing. He remains in a dangerous position, one I certainly don’t envy, and one that he himself strongly dislikes.

This commentary will be divided into three parts: firstly, the use of rape as a comedic device in mainstream media and how it trivialises a situation that, in fact, has dramatic consequences. Then, we’ll study Rien has a character through his past and present actions, to establish the nature of his interactions and the way he perceives himself. Finally, we’ll address Chôbe’s reactions while facing danger, and how he deals with his emotions.

I. Rape as a comedic tool

One of the many reasons why this chapter makes me uncomfortable is my personal fear for jokes made about that sort of situation. Why, you may rightfully ask? Because it is very much present in mainstream media, be it in Japan or in Western countries. Considering Reddit is mostly Western-oriented, I chose to pick a reference that focuses on rape in Western media to build my argument around, and I strongly suggest you to watch the video before you continue with this commentary. “Sexual assault of men played for laughs”, by Jonathan McIntosh from the Youtube channel Pop Culture Detective, thoroughly explores the issue through the lens of North American media, which have an area of influence that goes way beyond North America itself – especially with the massive worldwide use of internet. While not all the items of this video fit with the commentary at hand, it nonetheless points out an especially interesting argument: the man who failed to be a man – the one perceived as in control of the situation -, is subjected to various mockeries because it’s fair after all, he wasn’t really being a man when it happened, so he failed as a person.

I think we could even see this issue as a double insult to both men and women with that issue: 1) women can’t be in control because it’s not their role, 2) men who aren’t in control are perceived as emasculated, and thus the jeering is entirely justified because how dare they consider themselves men, right? Basically, this sort of joke is based on a perception of power and who is supposed to hold it. And power is what sexual assault is about. It’s not about lust or provocation. Sexual assault is the act of abusing your power over someone else to the point of robbing them of even their intimacy. This is something that tends to break people, or at least seriously damage them. Yet, this loss of power is something that remains mocked or silenced. And while women are starting to speak up, it’s still rare to see men open up about it. In Jonathan McIntosh’s video, the example of Terry Crew in reaction to the Harvey Weinstein affair and the following #Metoo movement is telling: losing power (what is perceived as such), especially as a man, is still treated in a demeaning manner that should only be mocked or ignored, not as something serious that can affect the victim for years and have a negative effect on their life in general.

Sexual assault of men as comedy is destructive, yet still awfully present in the series and movies we watch – even kids’ shows. Yes, you read it well. Kids’ shows. It gives a certain inclination to joke about rape – especially when it happens to men -, by internalising the issue and not realising how demeaning it actually is. It’s even visible in the most mainstream manga and anime (Naruto’s 1000 years of pain, anyone?) and we’ll play a little game about that: in your comment, I invite you to point out sexual assault as a joke in a manga/anime you know (and maybe enjoy). Keep in mind that I’m not doing that to slam the creations or their authors, it’s just to point out how surprisingly common it can be. I also wish to point out that, in chapter 56 of Jigokuraku, UG didn’t go that way at all. On the contrary, he made it clear that Chôbe was in danger and painfully aware of it throughout the chapter, while Rien... Was being Rien, with his own perception of who he is and the power he holds.

II. Rien: the perception of power

Now that we’ve established the basis about the way sexual assault with men as victims is perceived (especially in the West, a point of view vastly predominant on Reddit), we can start digging on Rien’s case of A God I Am.

As soon as Rien gets his first appearance (chapter 26), his status is made clear: among the boss level characters we’ve seen so far (Ju Fa, Tao Fa, Zhu Jin), he is one cut above and presents himself as the uncontested leader, the patriarch of a family who rules and serves punishment when he deems it necessary. From his point of view, he’s the head of the Tensen family as well as (potentially, it depends on Jofuku being alive of not), the ruler of the island – or the head scientist of the giant laboratory that is Kotaku. It means that Rien isn’t just the most powerful being on the island (though the notion of power can be discussed there, considering the power system used by UG), he also perceives himself as such and demonstrates it with an iron hand: the way he treated Mei before she escaped is good enough as a proof.

Behind his position as the head scientist, he shows a ruthless cruelty and a readiness to not even consider other people as persons. Mei herself, suggested as being one of the first successful experiments by Jofuku – and thus being “family” to Rien -, gets banished, mutilated and used as a living experiment material for the very thing she dared openly call out (the massive use of humans for experimentations). Rien even openly states, in chapter 26, that he’s the only one with the right to punish family members when Ju Fa injures an already weakened Zhu Jin. It gives us an idea of what Rien may mean by “punishment”. Go against his will: die or become an experiment. Disobey him: get severely injured if you’re part of the Tensen family, I heavily suspect death may be the sentence when you don’t have that luxury – and so does Chôbe. Until now, Rien has thus been shown as having a general behaviour that could be qualified of sociopathic: being indifferent towards others to the point of not seeing them as people, dehumanising anybody, using the “we’re family” or “I’ll tell you everything” tactic to try and keep people on his side. Interestingly, between him and Mei, he’s the one who has spend the most time with the other Tensen, and it is visible in their behaviour as well: they show similar sociopathic traits (Mu Dan’s experiments he seemed to find most amusing, Ju Fa qualifying Chôbe of “it” and “livestock”...).

However, no matter how godly Rien thinks he is, he remains surprisingly human and this has been shown to us through the point of view of his latest victim, who managed to do what, I suspect, no other character in the story would have been able to pull off without seriously getting in trouble for it (meaning: die immediately): he momentarily reversed the power dynamic to save his skin for at least a moment.

III. Chôbe’s status as a victim and how he handles it

Since the start, I’ve been claiming left and right that Chôbe is probably too smart for his own good, but it’s not just that. It’s an accumulation of everything that happened to him and his brother. Chôbe is very intimate with the notion of powerlessness. He’s been living it repeatedly since he’s a kid, slowly losing his place in society until he became an outcast. As a consequence, the way he thinks isn’t based on honour or revenge: it’s about survival, first and foremost.

The first time we see him go full survival mode is when he and Toma momentarily run away from the Sôshin that are outnumbering them, to find a better position to fight. In that chapter (chapter 9), we witness another way to survive that is very much Chôbe’s own method – no other character has done it, not even Toma -: instead of resisting a power stronger than his own, he integrates himself into the equation by mirroring the person who’s displaying power over him. By doing so, he creates an impression of kinship he can exploit to his advantage. As a kid, he mutilated himself to the point of losing sight in his right eye and being seriously scarred to “pretty himself up” by looking more like the bandits who were planning to harm Toma and sell them both. Doing so created a strong impression in their captors’ mind, and Chôbe used that impression to claim a place among the bandits – a first step towards claiming his power as an individual capable of thoughts and choices back. By integrating himself like that, he managed to become the leader of the pack, the chief of an entire village of bandits, causing so much trouble it warranted death penalty for him.

This method of mirroring the person holding power over him is visible again during the entirety of chapter 56. This chapter starts with Chôbe being captive, literally tied to a bed and clearly uncomfortable for many reasons: he’s been beaten to the point of passing out after having been treated like a wonderful unicorn (not a person), wakes up in an unknown place, tied to a bed in a peculiar position. By that point, Rien already marked a lot of Creep Points, and Chôbe has a lot of reasons to find the situation disagreeable. But it’s not enough, and Chôbe ends up facing actual blackmail: cooperate or become Tan (which is pretty much like dying, but worse: your life force is sucked out of you while you’re in a fake wonderland. Chôbe had a taste of it and saw what it looked like while he was in the Tan pit, both him and Toma weren’t enthusiastic about the situation and quickly got out of the pit). During the entire chapter, Chôbe weighs his options and stalls time by asking questions and gather more information on his situation to pick the best option to stay alive. It’s a daring move, to do that while facing the local godly being, but Chôbe isn’t stupid and understands having the choice of cooperating means he has value somehow. And to squeeze all the information he needs from Rien, to better weight his option and understand what’s going on on this unnatural island (he realised it’s unnatural in chapter 54), he does what we’ve already seen him do in the aforementioned bandits’ village flashback: he mirrors the one having power over him to gain some agency back through deception.

That’s where something we’ve seen him do a lot happens: he smiles. Mind you, it’s not a genuine smile. Chôbe isn’t really a smiling person, we’ve seen that everytime we’ve got even the smallest hints regarding his true feelings. However, Chôbe uses his mask as a tool for deception and picked this habit as a kid: a grin to the bandits even though his face was heavily injured to convince them of keeping him and his brother, a grin when he steels himself while facing the Sôshin, a smile when he tries to deceive Gabimaru before suddenly attacking him. It’s the vicious, weaponised grin of someone who figured out what to do and where to go, while keeping others’ attention down. He even smiles while sweating when he is nervous, at the end of chapter 55, because he has no idea what’s going on but somehow he’s tied to a bed and someone one-sidedly decided to have sex with him (yes, in case you hadn’t noticed, Rien didn’t care about his consent, because Rien doesn’t see him as a person). However, during chapter 56, we slowly see him integrates himself in the equation again by imitating Rien’s moves to numb his wariness under the guise of complying with the cooperation request. His actions mismatch his thoughts exactly for that purpose: his first thought is about a way to escape, but he realises it may be too dangerous for him. So he renounces - for now - to by himself some time and repeats his mantra, to adapt and figure things out, and gives Rien what he wants because it’s the only viable option for survival.

Since then, qualifying his attitude towards the Tensen of “bad faith” could be an understatement. He may be willing to concede certain things under the threat of death, but he will still have the guts to stand his ground, even while facing a whole group of people who could kill him – and openly threaten to do so. It takes a certain kind of madness to do that sort of thing, and oh, it’s exactly what the bandits said about him when he purposefully injured himself just to prove a point. Chôbe is too smart for his own good, but he still manages to get his agency back when it’s stolen from him, and that’s what makes him incredibly dangerous, even for the Tensen. Even in real life, it takes a certain kind of character to pull that sort of thing off. Still, despite all of his wrong, what happened to Chôbe during his childhood as well as chapter 56 qualifies him as a victim, and UG handled it incredibly well, making it tragic (if not outright nerves wracking, at least in my case) instead of using it as a comedic tool. Thank you for that, UG.

This commentary took me about... At least 10 days just to be worked on, despite the very small amount of references needed for it.

Without giving away too much information, I empathise strongly with Chôbe’s predicament and generally find him very relatable, at a personal level. His tactics are easy to recognise not just because they’ve been made fairly clear by UG, but also because there’s a pattern I know all too well in them. So yeah, that commentary tackled some difficult topics for me, and I had trouble keeping a cool head while writing it. It was a difficult birth, chapter 56 still makes my skin crawl. However, I hope you found this write up informative or entertaining. Don’t hesitate to share your thoughts, answer my little challenge (an example of sexual assault played for laugh in a manga/anime you know), ask questions, scold me for yet another Chôbe rant...

#jigokuraku #hell's paradise #chôbe #rien #tensen #chapter 56 #tw: rape #omg please UG give our beloved bros a break #can Chôbe have a nice day once in his life? #his life really is a series of misfortunes #poor murder bae #essay #my stuff

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 26

I know the last few chapters have posted earlier in the day, but I’m excited I at least got this up on the right day. Yay!!

Life has been going on over here, and it keeps happening... Which is a hazard of living, right?  Better than the alternative.

As always, feedback is a glass of wine and dark chocolate for me (which I love, sincerely), so please leave any feedback you may have!

After a mild panic, the Council was able to calm down everyone who heard Tyche’s exclamation of poisoned food.  Grumbles were still plainly audible, but any rioting had been averted for the moment.  We had no choice but to clarify and explain what we suspected, but begged everyone not to let the information out until an official statement had been released.  Huynh had suggested blocking everyone’s communications access, but the idea was – thankfully – shot down immediately.  

Once all the food and drinks were tested, Miys was able to determine that anything not sealed had been tampered with.  It was no surprise that nearly everyone on Level One had traces of the drug in their systems, the only exclusions being Derek and Maverick.  Derek, I knew all too well, had severe aversions to food textures and mainly lived on what amounted to granola bars and room temperature bottled water, so the fact that he didn’t have any hydrocodone in his system was almost expected and confirmed that it was only being put in the food.

I motioned for Maverick to sit down with me and Antoine.  After some debate on what amounted to a criminal investigation, Eino had pointed out that I had the most experience of the people present when it came to interacting with anyone on the autistic spectrum.  Antoine was with me in his capacity as a companion, as he would be the least threatening back up I could have with me while still being more than capable of intervening if it became necessary.

“What did the short you say about poison?” Maverick asked almost immediately, eyes wide with mild panic.

“Someone put Vicodin in most of the food and drinks,” I explained.  I didn’t see any point in sugar coating it, having noticed in the past couple of days that Maverick was nearly impossible at picking up on subtlety. “Most of us have had symptoms, and Miys tested us.  They say the majority of us have enough in our blood to affect us.  You don’t, and I need you to explain why.”

He relaxed immediately, to my shock. “Is that all?  I’ve only had bottled water and black coffee since I came up here,” he shrugged like it was no major deal.

Antoine’s eyebrows furrowed.  “You are saying that, in nearly forty-eight hours, you have not eaten a single thing?”

“Well, yeah,” came the response, as though it should be obvious. “I didn’t like any of the food that was brought in, so I didn’t eat.  I’ve been taking supplements!” he declared defensively as I started scowling when I found out he hadn’t eaten.  “It happens, like, a lot, so I always carry them with me just in case.”  He took the bottle out of his jacket and rattled them for emphasis before handing them to me.

A glance at the label gave me the impression that they were just robust multivitamins. I handed them to Antoine, knowing he would have a better idea of what he was looking at.  He nodded and confirmed. “They’re just vitamins, but these are for geriatric patients?”

With a shrug, Maverick stated matter-of-factly, “Those are designed for people who don’t eat enough to meet their basic requirements.  Usually, yeah, it’s old people, but I end up missing meals pretty frequently, so those are the best ones.  That’s what the doctor told me back on Earth.”

To say I was horrified was a dramatic understatement.  How long had he been just skipping meals because he had what sounded like food aversions?  “Maverick. Jake. You can just tell me what you like, and I’ll make sure we have food for you. I do it all the time for Derek, and for his friend Sam.  Hell, I do it for anyone just about.  You don’t have to starve yourself and live on multivitamins and water.”

“Nah, I know I’m being a pain in the ass about food.  It’s fine, really. But please top calling me Jake.  It’s legally Maverick.  I changed it.  I earned the name Maverick.”

I was so confused.  “But you introduced yourself as Jake?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Terran Defense never updated my records, so they are all under that name. I wanted you to be able to find them. But it’s not my name.”

Oh.  I was starting to get angry, not at him, but at the people who made him so nonchalant at the sheer level of fuckery people had used in regard to him in the past.

“Can you go get Derek?” I asked Antoine quietly before looking back at the pilot on the opposite side of the table. “You aren’t being a pain in the ass.  I believe that you’ve been told that for a very long time, but that doesn’t make it true, and it certainly doesn’t make it right.  I am the one who will be deciding what food is brought up from now on, and Miys will be testing it.  So, if I say you can ask me for whatever you will actually eat, no one else gets a say in that.  Does that make sense?”

“Whatever,” he grunted.

I was saved by the arrival of Antoine and Derek. “Maverick Okima, I would like to formally introduce to Derek ‘That Guy’ Okafor, scourge of sysadmins everywhere. Derek, I am trying to convince Maverick that it’s okay to ask for different food if he doesn’t like what we are bringing in.” I focused on using Maverick’s own term – don’t like – rather than calling it a food aversion, mainly because I wasn’t sure he had ever had the difference explained to him from what few clues I was able to pick up.

<Sophia’s okay> Derek signed. <She likes feeding us food we like.  She says if we don’t like it, there isn’t a point in having food to begin with.>

Maverick looked very confused.  “My father said something like that before he died.  It’s a very Japanese thing to say.”

I pointed at my face. “Cajun, among other things.  I do not believe in ‘eating to live’. In my family, we live to eat.  The short me, as you call her, is gluten intolerant, some of my family doesn’t like spicy food, I love spicy food, so does Antoine.  I still manage to make one meal a week for all of us, cooked by hand I might add, and try to include Derek as much as possible when he feels up to.”

Derek snapped to get Mavericks attention before adding, <No spicy, no sour, no squishy.>

“He likes food with firmer textures,” I clarified on the ‘squishy’ comment. “Nothing mushy, or creamy, no cake, ice cream, or gelatin, that kind of thing.”

“Don’t you get mad that they’re picky?” Maverick asked, still suspicious.

I shook my head vigorously. “Absolutely not.  It’s a challenge, and if they don’t like it, that’s a failure on my part, not theirs.”

“She makes very good turkey,” Antoine mused before smirking. “Although her sister makes amazing doughnuts.”

<The mushy fish was gross.> Derek wrinkled his nose in an exaggerated fashion.

I just rolled my eyes. “I literally told you that you wouldn’t like it. I don’t like poached fish because of the texture.”

That seemed to be the comment that Maverick needed to hear. “Wait. You cooked something you don’t even like for someone else, because they wanted it?”

“Kind of?” I squeaked uncertainly. “Arantxa over there.  She didn’t ask for it, but as a holiday gift from me to her, I learned how to make one of her native dishes. I had no clue that it was poached fish when I made that decision. But she mentioned it the day I met her, and also that she didn’t know how to make it….” I trailed off and shrugged. “Personally, I like my fish seared, grilled, baked, or sashimi.  Poached is just… too weird for me.”

Antoine nodded very seriously. “It was very good, as a person who does like poached fish.”

“Rants seemed to like it,” I shrugged again. “All that mattered.”

“So, if I wanted mochi, because I didn’t get any the first time, that would be okay?” Maverick asked tentatively.  “Even red bean mochi?”

I moaned, “Oh my gosh, absolutely yes.  If there were any red bean mochi last time, I am sorry to say I didn’t get any.  You and I can just hog them all.”

<Hide them from Zach,> Derek joked. <I think he ate most of the gross dumplings last time.>

“Heathen,” I muttered jokingly.  It was really no surprise that Derek didn’t like mochi.  Glutenous foods definitely fell in the category of ‘squishy’.  I patted Maverick on the arm gently. “Okay, I’m pretty convinced you didn’t drug the food, mostly because you’re a terrible liar, which is something to be proud of.  On the food thing, please just make me a list of foods you like, or at least a list of stuff that makes you not like certain foods, and I will happily make sure to take that into account.  Real quick, though, I’m about to put in the request for tomorrow, so other than mochi, what do you want? Try to give me as many things as you can think of off the top of your head, because I want to be sure it’s in the system.”

“Miso soup, for sure.  Boiled eggs? Scrambled eggs are weird, but I don’t know if the consoles can do boiled eggs, and I never asked. Savory crepes are good, though. Ooo! Pizzza!  I love pizza, especially anchovy.  I know a lot of people think it’s gross, but it’s really good, I swear. Fried pies are good, too.”

“So, strongly flavored, savory and/or salty dishes.  Got it,” I murmured as I made a note in my data screen. I flicked my wrist absent-mindedly to dismiss it before musing “You probably would have liked the bacalao al pil pil.”

“Is that the mushy fish thing?” he asked skeptically.

“Yep.”

“Nope. I can’t do mushy fish. Mushy means it isn’t cooked right, which means I’ll get sick.”

I chuckled. “I totally agree.  The good news is, at least now I have someone other than Tyche to share pizza with!”

“No one else likes pizza!?” he gasped. “No way! That’s sacrilege!”

“Oh, tons of people like pizza,” I assured him. “But Tyche is the only other person I met who likes anchovy pizza.”

“They’re stupid. It’s awesome!”

I shot him a look. “Please don’t call people stupid because they don’t agree with you. It’s rude, and I can’t stand rude people.” It was a slight exaggeration; I had a pretty flexible definition of what was and wasn’t rude, but calling someone names because they disagree with you definitely fell firmly in the rude category.  “A lot of people don’t like fish, or can’t have too much salt, or just don’t do well with really strong flavored foods.” I nodded toward Derek, who flipped Maverick the bird.

“Okay, okay,” he apologized. “That was wrong of me. I didn’t think of that. Still, it’s really good.”

“Well, you have two other people to eat it with now,” I smiled.

Rather than celebrating, Maverick looked like he just realized something. “Wait.  Who is Tyche?”

“My sister.”

“You – Wait. That’s short you?”

“Yes, and for the love of whatever your favorite body part is, do not call her that to her face.”

“Noted,” he nodded seriously and gulped. “She’s scary.  Like, scarier than you, scary.”

<Be nice. They own the cat.> Derek warned him, slapping him lightly on the arm.

“I like Mac,” he considered. “I guess that makes you less scary.  I’m still pretty sure your sister could kill me, though.”

By this point, Antoine looked completely confused. “Why is everyone afraid of Tyche? I don’t understand.”

<Why aren’t you afraid of her?> Derek rebutted.

I shot Antoine a dirty look before he could reply. “I have absolutely zero desire to hear whatever tooth-rotting, fluffy nonsense is about to come out of your mouth,” I told him flatly.  The last thing I wanted was him to accidentally de-fang my sister’s well-earned reputation.

He balked slightly before straightening his shoulders. “Fine. I will let them be afraid of her. I was just going to say I’m not afraid of her because I am her partner, just like you are her sister. And Maverick has three other people to eat the anchovy pizza with.” He pointed to himself. “You never asked me, Sophia. Do you really think Tyche would not have me try it?”

I held my hands up placatingly. “Fair, fair.  I didn’t know you had tried it since the last time I mentioned it.”  I turned back to Maverick. “So, now that we’ve established your alibi - can’t consume drugs when you aren’t consuming anything at all - I’ll have Grey and probably Pranav fact-check it, just to completely rule you out as a suspect, okay?”

“Yeah,” he exhaled in what sounded like relief.  “Do you think it will take long? I have to pilot the ship to Meenie pretty soon, and I don’t know if they’ll let me while they’re doing all that?”

“That’s honestly Xiomara’s call, since we decided the flight crew fall under her jurisdiction.  It shouldn’t take more than a day, but I understand that we only have a couple hours before we’re done at Eenie, right?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Can you check with Councillor Kalloe, please?” he begged. “I don’t want my flight privileges revoked.”

“You bet. Antoine, are we done here?”

He gestured affirmatively. “I don’t know what else we can do right now, so yeah, I would say we are done. You,” he pointed sternly at Maverick, “will eat.  I will send Noah for the food myself. It is not safe for you to do something as important as piloting a ship when you have been starving yourself, but I also do not want to make you sick. You said you like miso soup, yes?” When Maverick nodded, Antoine stood. “I will ask our host to get miso soup, and I will watch you eat two hundred milliliters before you pilot. Sophia, if you could relay this to Councillor Kalloe when you speak to her, please?”

“Absolutely,” I agreed.

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#the miys #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #earth is space australia #fiction #original fiction #aliens #apocalypse #science fiction

[soveryanon]

Part 3 of The Magnus Archives liveblogging; MAG034 to MAG040 *strangled mix of happy and sad noises* (As usual: contains spoilers (until the end of season 3) that I really should not have known anything about, were I a decent person, with also the possibility that I misunderstood said spoilers.) (One last time: warning for… length.)

… when I had mentioned to @sazandorable​ about the end of MAG033 that ahaha, Jon’s audible frustration seemed to be his equivalent of (╯°Д°）╯︵ ┻━┻ flipping a table, I had been answered with a “:))) Flipping a table, you say.” And now that I've listened to what followed, obviously, let’s be clear, I’m so, so mad about her comment, but at the same time, it’s the only one I could have ever accepted.

One of the first things I ever heard about the series was Aza commenting about the podcast she was listening to that had one assistant replaced, but nobody had noticed she wasn’t the same. So given that Sasha was the one female assistant… I knew it would be her. The statement about Graham Folger (MAG003) had made me guess that something similar would happen but I hadn’t understood that the problem was apparently the table. So when ~something big~ was delivered in MAG035, then confirmed to be a table in MAG036, I was expecting that it would be the thing that would get Sasha killed, and indeed, the table it was ;; (AND IT STINGS EVEN MORE THAN WHAT I BELIEVED.)

Alternative headlines for this post: - Local man SAVAGELY MURDERS ONE OF MARTIN’S SPIDER ROOMMATES, unleashes worms apocalypse in the process. -

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: Because I’m scared, Martin! Because when I record these statements it feels… it feels like I’m being watched.

Me, having been wondering for a while where I stand as a receptor/listener/audience, pen in hand and ready to take notes, wondering how long it will take for him to squeeze out his backstory or any personal information: *whispers softly* I have no idea what you’re talking about, sweetie.

That said.

Gooooooooooooooods, I’m so maaaaaaad about Jon =D

You got me, you scoundrel!!

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: Of course, I believe. Of course I do. Have you ever taken a look at the stuff we have in Artefact storage? That’s enough to convince anyone. But, but even before that… Why do you think I started working here? It’s not exactly glamorous. I have… I’ve always believed in the supernatural. Within reason. I mean. I still think most of the statements down here aren’t real. Of the hundreds I’ve recorded, we’ve had maybe… thirty, forty that are… that go on tape. Now those, I believe, at least for the most part.

I WAS WONDERING SO HARD WHY YOU WERE WORKING THERE, YEAH!!! It was so fitting with his overall… attitude, that yes, he would be a sceptic and dismiss most of the supernatural cases, except for the few that he was a bit more knowledgeable about, mostly Jane Prentiss and the Leitner books. Of course he would, with his elitism and scholar haughtiness!!  I had assumed that he would get convinced with due facts over the course of the series. I wasn’t expecting that actually, no, he had always believed in those things and was just lying through his teeth while recording!! Despite the fact that I was strongly suspecting that he was being an Unreliable Narrator!! (I had guessed that yes, he was hiding some information; not that he was purposely trying to mislead whoever was listening when it came to his personal opinions in the matter.)

It mostly gave me two good keys to handle the series: on the one hand, that characters are aware of the oddities around them. Obviously, as a listener, you immediately guess that if only a few statements resist technology, then it might be because these ones are paranormal, unlike the ones that work on computer just fine, which are probably a load of bullcrap; but you also accept that… characters might be a bit dumber, because they’re in a story and, well, it’s easier to guess about the narrative when you’re not inside of it? But nop. They were aware from the start that there are paranormal events around them, that the Institute is a living proof of it, and that the fact that some statements weren’t recording on computer meant something about them.

(MAG039) SASHA: Jon, what did you mean by “real statements”? ARCHIVIST: You know what I mean. The ones that have weird wrinkles, or that just seem to have something solid to them. They all have one thing in common. SASHA: They don’t record digitally. ARCHIVISTl: And we have to use the tape recorder. At this stage, if it records to my laptop I almost don’t bother.

And on the other hand, it also explained to me that Jon, as a main character, might hide things from us (listeners/tape recorders) or from other characters, and that there can be a gap between the moment he does realize something and the moment he feels ready to publicly admit it. Which, obviously, makes things way more challenging!! And interesting!! I’ve been liking him more and more lately anyway but this, by itself, would have been a good reason to decide that okay, yes, I surrender, I do Like Him A Lot as a character. … Okay, no, to be perfectly honest: I do love him as a character, he has achieved that status already.

Jonathan “You smoke?” “Nnnnnoooooo…” Sims

* eufinjkrefdhuinjIUHJNUILBUTHJNIUYB JOOOOOOOONNNNNNN………

(MAG036) TIM: Er, what is it? ARCHIVIST: A lighter. An old Zippo. TIM: You smoke? ARCHIVIST: No. … And I don’t allow ignition sources in my archive!

(I like his tone here! First a bit distant, pensive?, then firm and almost scolding; the Archives are now His Baby and he didn’t want to give Tim any bad ideas, uh.) Ooooh, that self-righteous tone he used followed by the return of his stuck-up voice, which kind of implied “how dare you even suggest I might have smoked one cigarette in my lifetime!! And you better not do it in my Archives or I’ll skin you!!”, vs. three episodes later:

(MAG039) SASHA: […] I think John’s got a lighter somewhere. ELIAS: He’s not smoking again, is he?

… JON, YOU LITTLE SHIT. *buries face in hands* So yeah, he used to smoke, but it doesn’t match with his Respectable Image apparently so he won’t even tell his own assistants. (I’m still HYSTERICAL over his deadpan answer to Tim… yes, this is not a lie, but it’s the moment you should mention you used to smoke if you want to be absolutely honest, and he just. he just didn’t. and dodged. and almost scolded Tim. JON. JON. J O N!!!) * Relatedly, I LOVE HOW HE CAN STILL BE AN ELITIST STUCK-UP ASS IN TIMES OF CRISIS. When ~something~ was banging on the wall and threatening to break it down, and they were assuming that it was Jane Prentiss/the worms:

(MAG039) MARTIN: I thought that wall was meant to be solid?! ARCHIVIST: So did I. We don’t have any sort of weapon, do we? MARTIN: I mean… I mean, I suppose we could use— ARCHIVIST: Don’t say the corkscrew! MARTIN: Okay.

The corkscrew SAVED YOUR LIFE, Jon, show it a bit more respect!! (Poor Martin who just… obeyed this one.) * It’s… not exactly surprising, but noteworthy to point out that Jon never wondered why he was being targeted by Jane Prentiss.

(MAG022) ARCHIVIST: I just received another text message. From you. “Keep him. We have had our fun. He will want to see it when the Archivist’s crimson fate arrives.” MARTIN: What does that mean? ARCHIVIST: It means I ask Elias to hire some extra security.

(MAG039) PRENTISS: Archivist. TIM: Ah. ARCHIVIST: Shit.

Jane Prentiss was here for him, and she/it/they made it pretty clear all along. Yet, Jon never questioned it; why would he, personally, be the one to get targeted? It… does make sense, given Jon’s personality, to think that he just thought that yes, if someone had to be pursued, it would be him, but it’s still curious that he… absolutely rolled with it. Never wondered if he had caused something that would lead him to deserve this situation, or if he had any connection to Jane Prentiss somehow, nothing. (My spoiled self takes note that she used the “Archivist” title every time, and that for her/it/them, Archivists are probably interchangeable? The thing she was becoming hated the last one, so she went after the following one. Is it absolutely because of Martin that she targeted the Archives, because he had accidentally met her, or was she planning to go after them at some point anyway?) * He was all Defensive about “MY ARCHIVE” and all, but his standards dropped quickly when it came to Jane Prentiss vomiting in their files:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: What’s [Jane Prentiss] doing? MARTIN: I don’t know. She’s messing with the boxes. She’s holding one up and… ahh! ARCHIVIST: What? MARTIN: She’s… She’s destroying them. Sort of. ARCHIVIST: Sort of? MARTIN: Well, I don’t really know what that stuff coming out of her mouth is, but I think we should probably burn them. ARCHIVIST: Right.

I was expecting Jon to take offense about Martin’s suggestion, to scream something along the lines of Over My Dead Body, Martin, but nop. Suddenly, burning their own files doesn’t seem so Out Of The Question anymore, uh. * I realize that I never really wondered about what kind of computer Jon is using for work. I just assumed, I just know he can only be using a Mac (not tech-oriented enough for Linux; way too snobby to use Windows; so Mac it is. Search Your Feelings, You Know It To Be True.) * I was amused and curious at the beginning of MAG034 (the one with Dr. Lionel Elliott), since Jon sounded… way less harsh with him than with Naomi or Melanie, the only live statement-givers so far excluding Martin&Sasha. So I was wondering: was that casual sexism or casual elitism, since Dr. Elliott was a scholar? Was Jon a bit more sympathetic with him because of affinity with fellow academics? AND THEN JON’S POST-STATEMENT MADE IT CLEAR THAT IT WAS BECAUSE “FELLOW ACADEMICS” ARE USUALLY THE ENEMY.

(MAG034) ARCHIVIST: The first thing about this statement that makes me dubious is that it comes from a fellow academic. Historic and prestigious as the Magnus Institute is, there are still many within the sphere of higher education that do not grant it the respect it deserves, and some have been known to make false statements as ill-conceived jokes.

So Jon is able to get cautious when he feels like being an ass could damage the Institute’s reputation, uh? Also, that’s super rich coming from Mister “I was initially inclined to re-file this statement in the ‘Discredited’ section of the Archive, a new category I’ve created that will, I suspect, be housing the majority of these files” (MAG001). It was also super-funny to have… someone who was closer to a “reflection” of Jon himself than previous statement-givers:

(MAG034) ARCHIVIST: And the apple, did you… eat it? DR. ELLIOTT:  Do I look like an idiot?!

Take that, Jon =DDD (I mean, yes, sorry Dr Elliott, you probably do look like an idiot to Jon, but then everyone does, and Jon himself has admitted that he is one, so.)

(MAG034) ARCHIVIST: Oh good lord! That’s… DR. ELLIOTT: Deeply unpleasant, yes. You can keep it, if you want. As proof. ARCHIVIST: We do not want it. I’m afraid it isn’t really proof.

“Deeply unpleasant” sounds like something Jon would have usually said, and I’m still cackling hard that Jon Didn’t Want The Apple but used a “we” to cover his own personal disgust before trying to back-up his rejection with ~logical arguments~ (“I just said it was enough of a possibility that I don’t think your… tooth apple has a place in our artefact storage. Also, it is technically medical waste.”), pffft. And he still ended up taking the apple!! Or at least the teeth. * Too classy for puns, but will do them anyway, and TWICE, TO BE SURE THAT EVERYBODY HAS HEARD HIS JOKES, JON PLEASE, YOU NEED A LIFE… YOU NEED FRIENDS THAT AREN’T TAPE RECORDERS… (Especially with his “You should have seen Tim’s face when […]”: if the only “you” in his life is the damn tape recorder, then yeah. Jon no.)

(MAG035) ARCHIVIST: […] On the one hand, this statement represents a complete dead end […]. From an evidence standpoint, this case is a complete bust. […] It seems we’ve reached something of a dead end. No pun intended.

And it wasn’t the first time he was making puns (MAG024: “No details are given, but it apparently required Mr Rentoul’s hospitalisation. I’m reminded of a somewhat tasteless joke about loose tongues.”) and he even had already made this one (MAG029: “Aside from that it’s almost a complete dead end.”) and would again make it later (MAG036: “Another tale full of dead ends.”) So, obligatory “dead end(s)” joke when a death is involved, but he just has trouble owning up to his puns when he makes them, uh. But he does anyway, and it seems like the universe just loves to give him his due for his puns!

(MAG035) ARCHIVIST: […] End recor— Urgh! Goddamn it! [SOUND OF METAL CANISTER BEING KNOCKED] Martin! [DOOR OPENS] Martin, where did you put the rest of the extinguishers? Martin!

Here, that was terrible, have some worms! I’m so fond of the way his voice just… switched, from cold professional sternness to sheer disgust. (It sounded like just another day, at the same time… So yeah, not the first time worms managed to sneak into the Archives at this point, apparently.) * Compared to the last batch of episodes, I had the faint feeling that Jon miiiiight be a bit better lately? That he sounded less tired overall? But then, his conversation with Tim in MAG036 made it obvious that… no, there is still lingering tiredness: he’s less in control of his voice when he’s surprised or questioned, needs more pauses before wording something, sounds like he’s searching for what to say (even though his answers stay sharp)…

(MAG036) TIM: Oh, ah, nothing urgent, um, it’s just Elias was asking a couple questions about the delivery. ARCHIVIST: Delivery? What delivery? TIM: Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh! Um, apparently Martin, uh, took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you. Did he not mention it? ARCHIVIST: No, he… Oh, yes, actually. I completely forgot. He said he put it in my desk drawer, hold on.

… and he didn’t even pay attention to the delivery Martin had mentioned. mARTIN IS A GOOD BOY, it’s just you (/your memory) (/your current state) that sucks, Jon!! Someone sure is sleep-deprived, to forget things like this. (Sadly relatable.) The following episode just confirmed that yep, Jon was, in fact, Not Doing Any Better Sleep-wise:

(MAG037) MARTIN: […] Look, you need to get some sleep. [SILENCE] … I’ll see you later. […] ARCHIVIST: […] I have no idea what any of this means. I’m… very tired.

(Or was it because Jon took two statements consecutively? It’s not confirmed that MAG036 and MAG037 took place on the same day but it’s most likely: MAG036 ended with Jon announcing that he needed to talk to Martin, with some urgency, and MAG037 began with Jon ordering Martin to repeat what he had said on tape, and then using the same tape for his next statement.) Anyway, Martin has noticed that Jon is not fine ;____; * AND MARTIN NOTICED AGAIN that Jon is not fine in MAG040, as soon as the record begins, and despite the fact that Martin himself is exhausted:

(MAG040) MARTIN: [Tired] I mean, I already told the police. ARCHIVIST: Well, now tell me. I need to hear it, I need to record it. MARTIN: I… alright. … Are you okay? ARCHIVIST: Fine. Painkillers are starting to wear off, but… It’s fine.

(Martin’s small tired voice, while Jon’s was more impatient/jumpy, with the usual sharpness… but yeah, way less controlled. Pain sneaking its way back into his system.) The fact that the painkillers’ effects were wearing off and that the real state of his body was catching up on Jon was audible just with the way he was introducing statements this time around:

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: Statement of Elias Bouchard, Head of the Magnus Institute, regarding the… infestation, by the… entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss. Statement recorded direct from subject, 29th July 2016. … Whenever you’re ready.

[…] ARCHIVIST: […] Anyway. Statement of Timothy Stoker, archival assistant at the Magnus Institute, regarding the infestation by the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss. Statement recorded direct from subject, 29th July 2016. Just… take it from when you got back from lunch.

[…] ARCHIVIST: Statement of Sasha James, archival assistant at the Magnus Institute, regarding the invasion by the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss. Statement recorded direct from subject, 29th July 2016. In your own time.

[…] ARCHIVIST: […] It’s fine. Statement of Martin Blackwood, archival assistant, etcetera, etcetera. Go.

From getting back to the gist of it with Elias (and having to summarize what happened with Jane Prentiss in a few words), to repeating it almost words for words with Tim and Sasha (I hate your memory, Jon.), to butchering it with Martin because he is all out of spoons. * Though yeah, Jon A Bit High On Painkillers was a thing at the beginning of MAG040, too:

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: Our friends in the hazmat suits gave me a clean bill of health, bloody holes notwithstanding. And they seemed quite keen to quarantine anyone showing even the slightest sign of infection. It’s just… pain.

He was a bit nasal and out of it at the beginning of this one, that “Our friends in–” was hilarious, and I’m… not surprised, but howling a bit that Jon, even when exhausted and just coming out of traumatic events, with drugs in his system, casually uses the word “notwithstanding” (nonobstant!). Not fine, but still himself.

* I did notice that from MAG035 to MAG038, Jon was… not tearing down statements to pieces anymore in his follow-ups, not really. Those ones were a bunch of sad stories, and I wondered if Jon was trying to avoid being completely insensitive about these people (he was less judgemental, more neutral about the impossibility to cross-check information), or if he was just tired and fed up, or if he was getting convinced that yes, maybe, maybe there were dark forces at work down there… With MAG039’s reveals in mind, it’s probably that he was caring less and less about His Plan To Pretend That He Was Not Believing, uh ;; (But I’m glad I did notice that he sounded… less and less sceptic. Congrats, Jon, you kept that up for months!). * Does Jon even listen to his own recordings so far? It seems unlikely, since Tim had brought up a list of mistakes (MAG033) and Martin’s conversation with Breekon&Hope was recorded after MAG035’s statement, but Jon didn’t sound like he had heard it in MAG036 nor at the beginning of MAG037 (he asked for all the details that Martin could remember, but he could have had the audio information, at the very least, if he had listened to their conversation – or maybe he wanted the visual details?). We didn’t have any mention that not!Sasha had harmed the tape from MAG039 that Jon had kept, and the real Sasha had talked on that one too, so if Jon doesn’t realize soon that the voices are different… it might hint that he never relistened to that one either; which is a bit more understandable in that particular case (it was a testimony of his own traumatic experience, and he’s been clearly shaken by it). But overall: I don’t even know if it’s bad archiving practice, but at the very least: not proof-reading (/proof-listening?) is bad researching practice and Jon is giving me second-hand embarrassment. (<3)

(MAG037) ARCHIVIST: Waste of tape, really. [Martin]’s right. Might as well get some use out of it.

So Jon had a statement ready to be read…? Although he had recorded one not too long ago…? When would he have chosen to record this one, if not for the recorder being already on? (Also, please, someone explain to Jon that you can wipe and overwrite tapes. To get a fresh empty one for a later statement. Do students and researchers really need to hear you pressuring poor Martin to repeat the same information and being an overall ass to him?) * About Jon’s unreliability – or, at least, the fact that he isn’t sharing Everything with us. When he learned from Tim about the table that was delivered to the Institute for him, he inquired:

(MAG036) ARCHIVIST: Tim… Tim, it doesn’t have a hole in it, does it? About six inches square?

… But the only description we had of the table so far was Amy Patel’s, who had mentioned “the middle of the table, where there was nothing but a small square hole” (MAG003). There was no mention of the size of the hole. So I was wondering: was Jon able to know this because he’s actually getting supernaturally immersed in the statements (insert here all the imagery about falling/diving into a book, living the story as you read, etc.) and notices a lot more details than what was technically written, when he reads them? But then, when I mentioned this to Aza, she laughed and said that I also could have guessed the size of the hole on my own. … and yup, there sure was a mention of an item of that size: “a small wooden box, about six inches square” from Ivo Lensik’s statement (MAG008). Which means that THIS FUCKER CONNECTED THOSE DOTS AND DIDN’T BOTHER MENTIONING HIS CONCLUSIONS ONTAPE. EFF YOOOOOU JOOOOOON, HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME. He guessed that the box that was destroyed on November 2006 (MAG008) was the item that was supposed to fit into Graham Folger’s table – Graham having been “replaced” on April 7th 2006 (MAG001) – and never mentioned any of it, it’s just. RUDE. RUDE, JON. RUDE. * brb, still rolling on the floor over the fact that the Scepticism Was All An Act… Because JON WAS SCARED…….

(MAG039) MARTIN: Then why do you— ARCHIVIST: Because I’m scared, Martin! Because when I record these statements it feels… it feels like I’m being watched. I… I lose myself a bit. And then when I come back, it’s like… like if I admit there may be any truth to it, whatever’s watching will… know somehow. The scepticism, feigning ignorance. It just felt safer. MARTIN: Well… It wasn’t. ARCHIVIST: No. No, it wasn’t. Still, it’s not my fault we’re going to be eaten by worms.

That sounds very convoluted and at the same time… understandable and raw? Human? The fact that Jon was searching for his words and clearly remembering something unpleasant… aouch… I was wondering about the effects these statements had on Jon, Jane Prentiss’s aside, and aouch, he is able to tell that… there is something more. (Is that feeling due to their god, since I know there is somethingsomething about feeding the monster, or is that Elias in particular?) (And I love how Jon switches from giving a genuine confession about how he really feels and showing vulnerability… to compensating with bratty defence. “Still, it’s not my fault we’re going to be eaten by worms.” lISTEN, yes, technically not your fault, but Prentiss also quite clearly targets you and you only, so you could at least sympathize with Martin about how it’s even less his fault.) * Jon himself acknowledging that he is an idiot is… Beautiful…

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: [Bitter laugh] I hope so. Only an idiot would stay in this job. MARTIN: [Chuckles] Wouldn’t that make you an idiot? ARCHIVIST: Yes, Martin, that was my point.

(Fortunately, Martin does things that Jon sees as “stupid”, too, so hey! Good match.

(MAG039) MARTIN: Well, so the worms didn’t know they were there! Look, I know it’s stupid. ARCHIVIST: Yes. Yes it is. They’re just… they’re just unclassified parasites. They don’t have consciousness, they can’t plan, they’re just an unthinking infection.

I’m still “………..” over the fact that Jon can word it that way with a straight face/voice.) * He countered Martin’s pessimism later but there was also an instance where he was… very grim and matter-of-fact, resigned, about Tim’s chances of survival, and it hurt.

(MAG039) SASHA: Turn around. Just turn around. MARTIN: Oh god. There she is, there she is. ARCHIVIST: [Muttering] There’s nothing we can do.

But in the same episode, there was ultimately some Trust And Complicity between Tim and Jon, that I’m not really able to describe.

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: […] I’m recording this in case— TIM: In case the trapdoor opens back into the Archives and Prentiss is there to kill us. ARCHIVIST: In as many words, yes. Tim? TIM: Alright. [TRAPDOOR IS PUSHED OPEN TO SOUND OF FIRE ALARM AND LOTS OF WRITHING] PRENTISS: Archivist. TIM: Ah. ARCHIVIST: Shit. [CLICK]

If it had been Martin, Jon would have snapped, probably. But Tim summarizing their worst case scenario like this? Got a free pass. (Also, that was, once again, one hell of a way to end an episode. JON. JON SAID “SHIT”. HOLY FUCKING FUCK. You knew it means Seriously Bad.) ;; They went in that… together, uh. Despite the fact that Tim was clearly collateral damage. * I had wondered a lot about whether or not Jon was afraid of dying, or had a special stance about death… and it sounds like it was more a matter of how he could die, without being able to have a say in the circumstances surrounding it. As a result, Jon sounded past everything, reaching a point in which okay, yes, he could laugh about the possibility of dying, it was coming and he could try to face it since it would be on his terms (recording everything). I am also a bit surprised that apparently, he is way more afraid of dying of ~rational~ causes (bullets means guns means clear intent from a human behind the act) than from a supernatural entity.

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: Gertrude Robinson, the last Archivist at the Magnus Institute, and my predecessor, was murdered. […] She was killed, in the Archives, by someone who used a gun… and that scares me far more than any spectre or twisted creature. Because that means someone here is a killer. […] There is something in these files, in these statements. I know that now, some deeper mystery. I think Gertrude Robinson found it, and I think that is why they killed her.

The… sheer… dread… in Jon’s voice in that second sentence… (complete with a self-depreciative half-laugh/shaking of voice)……. his delivery was slower, way less firm than usual, and I wanted to learn more about Jon, I wanted to get to know the real actual Jon under the layers of this façade, and I’m getting it… through the form of terror… * There were a string of declarations about “seeing” starting MAG038, mostly from Jon, which culminated with Sasha’s death and replacement at the end of MAG039, and aouch T_T First, Jon and the spider:

(MAG038) ARCHIVIST: […] Urgh. Urgh. [SOUND OF CHAIR SCRAPING] I see you…

(MAG038) SASHA: […] Do you see anything? […] ARCHIVIST: No, I don’t think so, it… [WORM SOUND INTENSIFIES] Sasha, run. RU—

(You don’t see worms, you hear/smell them first…?)

(MAG039) SASHA: Do you see Prentiss? If we could get her— MARTIN: I, I, I don’t see her! I don’t see her! I don’t see her! I don’t see her!

(MAG039) SASHA: Can you see what’s going on out there? MARTIN: Ish. When did we last clean these doors? ARCHIVIST: What can you see?

(MAG039) MARTIN: There! There, there, there! I see him! SASHA: Oh god, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t see them.

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: Right. There we go. Martin, what do you see? […] I need you to describe what’s going on.

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: […] Speaking of, can you see anything? MARTIN: I don’t know. I can’t see because the window is covered in worms.

(MAG039) TIM: Why do you have a second tape recorder, Martin? MARTIN: Oh, um… well, I’ve been using it to record myself. I write poetry and I think the tapes have a sort of… low-fi charm. ARCHIVIST: … I see.

(MAG039) SASHA: […] [Hushed and panicked] Jon! Jon, I think there’s someone here. Hello? I see you. Show yourself.

(MAG039) NOT!SASHA: [Words warped] Hello? … I see you. [FOOTSTEPS] [Clearly] I see you.

(… In a lot of cases, circumstances and tones, though, Martin was saying that he couldn’t see. Mm…) * I had discovered tired!Jon with last batch of episodes, but I now have… shaken!Jon. Very, very shaken Jon. He insists on getting other people’s statements in MAG040, despite not being fine, and in the end… we don’t know, technically, what happened when Tim and Jon went face to holes-in-the-face with Prentiss? Jon insists on skipping the subject every time it comes up (because he already knows what happened to him): but what happened exactly? Did they have time to try to flee? Did they scramble to get away? Was it Prentiss launching worms at them (like with the nurses when she had been hospitalized), was it a wave of worms covering them? Was it slower, a few worms biting them, allowing them to still be conscious of the others coming, allowing them to cling on to the hope that they might manage to flee? Was it quick, was it excruciating minutes? Jon doesn’t want to share that story (at least for now?), and when that timeframe comes up in discussions, his breathing, pretty often… becomes Wrong:

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] I do apologise that it took me quite so long to figure out how to actually work the system. If I’d been quicker… ARCHIVIST: It’s fine. We’re alive. ELIAS: … Yes… Well. […]

(Grunts noises from Jon, towards the end, before he cuts Elias short.) (Also, Elias didn’t ask Jon to define that “We” and :[)

(MAG040) TIM: […] Could’ve been worse though, eh? Another couple of minutes and— ARCHIVIST: Yes. … Yes. It was… … Anyway. […]

That was Jon cutting him and stopping the words (didn’t want to hear how it could have been worse – to picture that it could have been worse. Jon’s distress tends to express in ragged breathing, while Tim’s is more in his expirations.

(MAG040) NOT!SASHA: I went over to check, and you were alive, so I pulled you back to where there was more air and began to remove the worms. Are you alright? ARCHIVIST: Sorry, just… difficult to hear, you know.

Heeeeeeeeeee was breathing very heavily. It’s hard, for him, to hear anything about when he came into contact with the worms. * I already know about Jon’s Compulsion power, I’ve been very attentive to when he was asking questions, to try to guess if it could be there or not, and there hadn’t been a “oh, that might be it?” moment… UNTIL MAG040.

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: Martin. How did Gertrude Robinson die? MARTIN: I don’t know – not for sure. It was so dark, and I only saw the body for a few seconds. The police were quite clear that the cause of death could be absolutely any— ARCHIVIST: MARTIN, how did she die?! MARTIN: She was shot! Three times, that I could see. … Three shots to the chest. ARCHIVIST: Right. … Right… Thank you Martin. MARTIN: … Sure.

1°) I’m guessing that yes, the thing about the compulsion is that… it will go undetected for a while, because obviously, ordering an answer is close to demanding one, and by essence, people come to talk with Jon, so they’re less likely to refuse to give him answers. But here, I got a chill, because: was Martin trying to avoid to say that Gertrude had been shot (to not upset Jon further), or had he been unable to remember, before this exchange, that he had actually seen her with bullet wounds in her body? Could be both; either Martin was circling with weak excuses, either he was genuinely reminding Jon of the context to explain that he hadn’t seen the body in details… and then was suddenly able to tell. (As a result, it’s… not sure that the police knows about the bullet wounds. Martin’s sentence was actually going in the other direction; but he could have been trying to bullshit Jon then ;;) 2°) Their tones escalate, Jon’s voice is VERY firm when he pressures Martin, and then Martin also spoke in a louder voice… and right after, it passed. Their voices were super thin, almost whispers. 3°) … I’m crying that, yeah, if it was the compulsion-I-heard-about… it looks like the first time Jon used it was on Martin. On Martin. That’s… so horrible, why is it always Martin?! ;____; * I’m… very emotional over Jon’s enthusiasm when he explained how he actually works, what he truly thinks, what he finds interesting in the Institute, etc. He was so passionate! Sounded so alive when he explained his reasoning! There was adrenalin, there was fear and pain, there was urgency and danger, and he was… past that? There was some pure, genuine, untainted glee about how… things are currently a puzzle, and he wants to piece things together, he wants to keep working on these things, he want to tackle the work that still needs to be done, while being well aware of the bad aspects (he feels watched, he feels scared, but he knows that they've put their finger on something). With his own restrictions unbuckled, I don’t think I had ever heard Jon so genuine and simply… happy. (Happy to talk about what he is passionate about? Happy to drop the act? Happy to be able to be seen for what he is?)

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: Look, even if you ignore the walking soil-sack out there, and the fact that we are probably minutes from death, there is still so much more happening here. MARTIN: I’m not sure we can really ignore the— ARCHIVIST: Every real statement just leads… deeper into something I don’t even know the shape of yet.

1°) mARTIN (I love/hate how Jon just. Ignores him sometimes x’D But Martin is right, it’s not like they could make abstraction of the current issues.) 2°) Jon sounding passionate and genuinely interested in what he does!! … On the other hand, I’m sobbing in advance: this is why he is ~good~ for the work, but it’s… not a good thing at the same time, is it. His personality fits, but fits so well that it’s also why he is doomed, isn’t he. The curiosity, the “need” (craving) to know at any cost… * … On that note, it’s horrifying to realize that… yes, Jon never questioned why Jane Prentiss targeted him personally. But also: that Jon himself didn’t do anything during the crisis except using the tape recorders, giving reports of what was happening, and asking others (Martin) to describe what they were seeing when he himself couldn’t get up. He didn’t kill worms (he shouted to Martin to get the fire extinguishers); he had trouble taking decisions (and Martin led them to the backroom); we didn’t even hear him removing worms from the others (but we got to hear Sasha crushing one that had previously been buried in him); he didn’t try to warn Tim (unlike Sasha and Martin) or to save him (like Sasha did); Tim was the one to destroy the wall and to lead them in the tunnels, to open the trapdoor… Jon did nothing but witness and record what others were doing. (And yet, he got the worst of it, along with Tim ;;) * Yay, Jon got terrible experiences! But he faced them with Tim! Yeah, okay, he sounded too adamant about getting proof of people’s official stances of things, and it sounded more like he was trying to see if there was any contradiction or if someone had lied by cross-checking testimonies–

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: Fine! Fine. I’ll go home as soon as I have everyone’s statements.

–but maybe after this traumatic event, it will lead to more friendliness and camaraderie amongst the staff, they have bonded, and the power of friendship will–

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: […] but I cannot trust anyone. I’m going to figure this out, and I’m not going to stop. … They’ll have to kill me first. End recording.

noooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (And it comes from someone who is terrified of dying!!! Jon, what the fuck!! Don’t!!!)

I’m really fond of the fact that in the end… Jon is not exactly a “narrator” but still acts a bit like it for us listeners (he’s a mediation between us and the story, it’s through him and what he accepts to tell us that we’re able to discover this universe) and at the same time, hides. Hides information from us, hides himself from us; it makes me want to know more about him, despite the fact that he is the character we’re following? He makes concessions sometimes, lets some things slip, but it’s overall hard to know what he’s thinking, what he’s planning. At this point, I have this question nagging in my mind, I want to know (and maybe it is the core of the story): Who is Jon? Who is he as a person? What does he think and feel, under his facades? (… and the only way for me to know that is through the tapes, isn't it. And “discovering/learning who Jon is” is precisely what the Beholding is doing through the tapes, isn’t it. I would like to know more about him, but it’s also impossible to do that without him getting hurt, isn’t it…)

Martin Blackwood

^It was an headline from the French equivalent of The Onion from last month aND IT WAS FITTING. * Martin writes poetry!!! <333

(MAG039) TIM: Why do you have a second tape recorder, Martin? MARTIN: Oh, um… well, I’ve been using it to record myself. I write poetry and I think the tapes have a sort of… low-fi charm.

And heeeeeee’s now using a tape recorder, too. Great. (D:) He also temporarily acted as Jon’s eyes when they were hiding in the sealed room (MAG039)… so it sounds like he’s walking in Jon’s footsteps, uh. * Did he get a new phone, at the very least, since Jane Prentiss had kept it in MAG022 (and texted Jon). What did she do of the phone afterwards. Did the Institute pay for Martin's new phone, or not even. * He had been living in the Archives for four months when Jane Prentiss attacked ;; … And he has squirrel-like tendencies, apparently, hoarding fire extinguishers:

(MAG035) ARCHIVIST: […] Martin, where did you put the rest of the extinguishers? Martin!

(MAG039) MARTIN: … Maybe. Maybe, maybe he found the spare CO2. ARCHIVIST: Spare? What? Where? I never saw any. MARTIN: Oh, I, er… I, I hid them in old casefile boxes. ARCHIVIST: What, why? MARTIN: Well, so the worms didn’t know they were there! Look, I know it’s stupid.

(MAG039) TIM: Funny story really. I ran into the office, worms everywhere, horrible death and everything, tripped and fell in some boxes and there were like 20 cans of gas in there.

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] in fact I was getting ready to raise the issue of Martin’s continuing to live in the Institute’s basement, especially as I believe he’s been stealing fire extinguishers.

(Listen, I. I relistened to this last one many many times and it’s unrelated but I need to share this: jON CHUCKLED AT THIS!! At least, there was air coming out through his nose, and it definitely sounded like a chuckle. Martin did something that cracks Jon up. Martin!! Martin, you scored!!!) Anyway, he stashed these fire extinguishers in Jon’s office aND IT SAVED TIM, give this boy a raise!! Also, the heck Elias, there could surely be other reasons than “I’m suspecting him of stealing fire extinguishers” to reconsider having someone living in your workplace for four months. * … Martin and spiders continue to be a Thing, uh.

(MAG016) ARCHIVIST: […] But as I told Martin earlier, he was there for over a week, so there is very likely a perfectly natural explanation for the fact that his body was completely encased in web.

(MAG022) MARTIN: […] I like spiders. Big ones, at least. Y’know, y’know the ones you can see some fur on; I actually think they’re sort of cute—

(MAG022) MARTIN: […] And then I remembered that I’d seen quite a lot of spider webs in the brief time I was down there, and maybe I should check it out again. I mean, like I said, I’m not really afraid of spiders. So… I went back for another look.

(MAG038) ARCHIVIST: Ah… Yeah, a… a spider. […] I tried to kill it… […] SASHA: Did you get it? ARCHIVIST: Ah… I hope so. Think so. Nasty, bulbous looking thing. SASHA: [Chuckles] Well, I won’t tell Martin. ARCHIVIST: Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem.

(MAG039) MARTIN: I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. […] No, no… it’s just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too.

(More on that last one later.)

(MAG040) MARTIN: […] There was dust on everything. […] No worms. No cobwebs. Just… an old corpse. Gertrude Robinson.

(It’s… very strange of Martin to point out the absence of cobwebs. Mentioning absence of worms was logical, since they were the Main Threat, but why spontaneously notice that there were no trace of spiders…?) So!! Since Jon said that:

(MAG037) ARCHIVIST: […] We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge.

… Martin, you should really, really nickname all the spiders roaming around the archives variations of “Knowledge”. “Big Knowledge”, “Valuable Knowledge”, “Precious Knowledge”, “Important Knowledge (DO NOT KILL)”. Maybe, then, Jon would leave the creatures in peace. I do remember that Carlos Vittery had mentioned that there might be so many spiders around his flat because of the worms (MAG016: “Our building had acquired something of an infestation of some sort of insect I didn’t recognise – small, silvery worms, almost like maggots but slightly longer – and I assume that they provided a good meal for the eight-legged little monsters.”), and that Jane Prentiss herself had mentioned spiders in her attic when she discovered the nest (MAG032: “Was it the spiders? There were webs in the corners, around the entryway into the attic. I would watch them scurry and disappear in between the wooden boards. ‘Where are you going, little spiders?’ I would think. ‘What are you seeing in the dark? Is it food? Prey? Predators?’ […] Webs have a song as well, of course, but it is not the song of the hive.”). It sounds like spiders and worms are tied to entities that do not… really get along – or that spiders have the upper hand over the worms, overall. So, given that Jon discovered the infestation because a spider went to the wall in MAG038… was the spider attracted by the food? Was it tied to the lighter with the “spider web design” that Jon received in MAG035 and discovered in MAG036? Was it trying to attract the staff’s attention to get them to discover the worms before they would be ready to strike? … was it trying to warn Martin specifically, because hey, hey, friend, look! you’re in danger! there are some things behind the wall, but I have your back bro? * With Jon admitting that he had felt… observed, and the fact that there is still no official reason for him to have dissed Martin so hard before MAG022, I wonder if the two mightn't actually be linked. Sasha had mentioned, too, that she was apparently perceiving Martin as the weakest of the bunch (MAG026: “Martin is a great researcher, but his self-preservation instincts are not the strongest, and to be frank I thought that if this Prentiss were a danger everyone seemed to think, then he’d almost certainly be dead.”), and it didn’t sound like Jon was disagreeing with her – quite the contrary, he trusts her overall. … could it be possible that Jon purposely makes a point of portraying Martin as this incompetent, useless assistant when recording, hoping that if “things” were going to go after the staff members, then Martin could probably be spared if deemed too insignificant and not worth it? It’s just a hypothesis, I’m not firmly believing it, but it would then portray some of Jon’s decisions in another light: Jon thought he would protect the weakest assistant (while Tim and Sasha sounded competent enough to deal with mysterious forces), but then Martin was targeted first, and Jon would have realized that he had in fact miscalculated and designated him as the easiest one to target, hence the offer for Martin to stay in the Archives, protected. (I’m more ready to believe that it was either something spider-related on their first few days as coworkers, or something supernatural in Martin himself that makes people look down on him… but I find interesting to consider the possibility, now that I know that yes, Jon can lie, and will lie if he feels that it’s making his world safer.) * I Have So Many Feelings Over Jon & Martin’s ~heart-to-heart thing~ (AND IT’S JON WHO CALLED IT THAT…):

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: […] Why are you here Martin? MARTIN: Well, well, Prentiss is out there and you can’t run so— ARCHIVIST: I mean at the Archive in general. Why haven’t you quit? MARTIN: Are you giving me my review now? ARCHIVIST: No… We’re clearly doing a whole heart-to-heart thing and, truth be told, the question’s been bothering me. You’ve been living in the Archives for four months, constant threat of… this. Sleeping with a fire extinguisher and a corkscrew. Even you must be aware that that’s not normal for an archiving job? Why are you still here? MARTIN: [Considering] Don’t really know. I just am. It didn’t feel right to just leave. I’ve typed up a few resignation letters, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hand them in. I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. ARCHIVIST: Martin…You’re not, uh… You didn’t die here, did you? MARTIN: What? What? N-No… what?! ARCHIVIST: No, I just… No, just the way you phrased that... MARTIN: Made you think I was a ghost? ARCHIVIST: No… it’s— MARTIN: No, no… it’s just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think. [Sigh] … … A ghost? Really? ARCHIVIST: [Tiredly] Shut up Martin.

1°) Martin’s spontaneous answer is to mention the fact that he doesn’t want to abandon Jon in this precise situation!! Even when he hadn’t understood what Jon was really talking about!! (And he… kind of went back to the same kind of thing at the end, overall: that Jon is there, and that he’s staying there.) 2°) Jon never gave them their individual review before, did he. 3°) “WE’RE CLEARLY DOING A WHOLE HEART-TO-HEART THING” J O N… ;w; (I love how he still manages to be a bit dismissive of the concept, with that “thing”.) 4°) Jon, even before all the worms: is it normal for an archiving job to deal with all the stuff you’re dealing with in the statements. 5°) … JON THOUGHT THAT MARTIN MIGHT HAVE BEEN DEAD ALL ALONG… Martin getting so offended and not letting it go… (Was Jon ashamed of that one, since he went back to Dick Mode and told him to shut up at the end. Accusing someone of being a ghost sounded pretty stupid, granted <3) * My heart feels warm and fuzzy at the evolution from Jon dissing Martin when he wasn’t able to bring back some information (MAG014: “[Martin] could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.”), to… accepting that if Martin wasn’t able to, then it’s not his fault but exterior circumstances (MAG036: “[…] Martin’s research would seem to indicate the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books, but it doesn’t explain why none of the officially-listed staff can be located for follow-up […].”) ;w; Martin is not deemed as incompetent anymore, he’s a researcher on the same level as the others now. * Even when he tries his best, though, he still had trouble getting his points across:

(MAG035) MARTIN: I’m sorry, are you two meant— […] Look, you really can’t actually— BREEKON: Package for Jonathan Sims. HOPE: Says right here. MARTIN: Well, I don’t really know where he— HOPE: We’ll just leave it with you. BREEKON: Be sure he gets it. MARTIN: Okay, I– I will, but you really do have to actually— BREEKON: ‘course. Much obliged. HOPE: Stay safe. MARTIN: … … I’ll… try? BREEKON: Your recorder’s on, by the way. HOPE: Might want to change that. MARTIN: Oh… hum… so it is. Thanks. BREEKON: No problem. HOPE: At all.

He was utterly dominated (verbally) by Breekon&Hope all through the exchange (they cut his sentences, led the conversation; probably were on each side of him, physically, a bit threatening, cornering him?), and it does sound like he got the ominous vibe from that “Stay safe” (his “I’ll… try?” was sooo cute). Despite it all, he keeps trying ><! He can also be pretty pessimistic and picturing the worst easily:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: Stay with it, Martin. Tim. What happened to Tim? MARTIN: They got split up and he ran into the office. You said that’s where you made the hole. When you were recording. And they all came through, so… he’s dead. He’s dead in there and he’s covered in worms and that’s it. ARCHIVIST: We don’t know that. MARTIN: … Maybe […].

* AOUCH AOUCH AOUCH… So Martin did mention the feeling of being trapped, with a sort of resignation? when it came to working in the Institute,

(MAG039) MARTIN: I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck.

… but that feeling was more raw when he lost himself in the tunnels:

(MAG040) MARTIN: […] I was trying to go back – not that I knew what back even meant down there – when I heard the scream. I don’t even know how to go about describing it, but I thought… well I hoped… Well, when I started to find the shrivelled bodies of worms all over the place, I knew she was dead. […] So I wanted to get out of there. I was looking for a way up, but it felt more and more like I was trapped. […] When I finally found a door, I thought it might actually get out, but instead…

And he did mention that he had a torch on him when he was down there (MAG040: “I, I always keep my torch on me, ever since I moved into the Archives so, I had that, at least.”), and…….. shit. It’s because he’s claustrophobic, isn’t it. (MAG015, Jon: “Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s ‘a bit claustrophobic’”) He truly had prepared himself for the worst; ending in a dark, closed place, and the staff getting attacked by worms (he had the corkscrew ready to remove them…). * I’m all the more sad, as a result, that spontaneously (when frustrated or stressed), Jon goes back to… being dismissive of him, very casually.

(MAG037) ARCHIVIST: [Rosie] says the same as you. Two men, doesn’t know how they got in, too intimidated to ask, looked “exactly like you’d expect”. Useless… MARTIN: S-sorry… Look, John, I do think we should destroy the table, though. I mean, if it’s the one from Amy Patel’s statement. Just in case. ARCHIVIST: Elias told me the same thing. Luckily he phrased it as advice rather than an instruction, so for now I’m more inclined to keep studying it. We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge. MARTIN: I suppose. Can I go now? ARCHIVIST: Yes, go on. MARTIN: Thank you.

1°) I’m inclined to go “inb4 Martin was right” but at the same time, Elias was going in the same direction so mayyyybe not. (Or is it a matter of Elias allowing himself to be able to say “I told you so!” later on.) 2°) mY HEART BLED AT THIS “Useless…”??? JON, HOW FUCKING DARE U. And Martin answering with a stammering “S-sorry” ;___; And Martin asking permission to leave, and Jon… granting it?? Like Martin was a scolded child??? Fuck you, Jon!! All the bad things that will happen to you might be proportional to the ways you treated Martin, you can’t blame karma for biting you back in the butt!!!

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: […] Martin has disappeared. […] during one of the more alarming encounters, Martin ran off. TIM: He thought we were behind him, I think. ARCHIVIST: He didn’t think at all. Tim was with me, and my leg slowed me down. He must have taken a turn we didn’t see or something. We lost him. […]

Jon… still expected the worse from him? That Martin forgot about them? Which yes, could have been the case, but it’s still… going for the most individualistic (although understandable if you’re not Jon) option. Even Tim took Martin’s defence here? And according to Martin, it’s what happened!! Martin didn’t leave them on purpose!! ;_;

(MAG040) MARTIN: No, I mean… I’m sorry I left you. ARCHIVIST: … Oh Martin. MARTIN: [Tearful] It was an accident. I thought you two were with me! I mean, the worms came at us, and they were so much faster, and then there was the gas, and the running, and I just… I, I thought you were right behind me. But when I turned round you were gone. You were both gone. It was an accident. ARCHIVIST: I know. It’s fine, Martin.

Jonathan “I know” Sims, you trashtalked him behind his back in the previous episode!! :| (And Martin feels guilty about it, and I’m heartbroken, his VOICE when he apologizes and explains again and again that… he hadn’t wanted to leave them behind…) * WHY DOES MARTIN APOLOGIZE SO MUCH… You do nothing wrong, sweetie!!! ;___; Even when fucking effing JON praised him, even when Martin had saved their lives, it still ended up with Martin apologizing, somehow???

(MAG039) MARTIN: […] Look, you guys got to go home every day, okay. I didn’t! I’ve been thinking for a long time about what to do when… well, y’know, this happens. ARCHIVIST: [Softly] Well… thank you. SASHA: That’s why we’re here? MARTIN: Yeah. The room’s sealed, I checked it myself when I moved in. ARCHIVIST: Climate controlled, as well. Strong door. Soundproof. [Sigh] These old files are far better protected than we ever were. Alright, I’ll grant you it’s a good place to lay low, but— SASHA: They could still come in through the air con. ARCHIVIST: Not easily. And… not en masse. It is actually safe. MARTIN: Ha! ARCHIVIST: Except, of course, that we’re trapped. MARTIN: Ah… yeah. … sorry.

(It was super pessimistic of Jon to present it as them being “trapped”, though? Sure, they would feel trapped twenty-four hours later, but right now: they’re safe, they’re protected, they can’t be harmed, and someone would have likely noticed their absences before the end of the day and/or the worms would have been noticed first, prompting some reactions from the Institute, since the ECDC apparently Knows How To Deal with these worms. Why present them as being “trapped” when they’re basically in a bunker during an attack? … Jon had complained about the fact that Martin had confessed about being a bit claustrophobic back in MAG015, but maybe Jon himself is and doesn’t want to admit it?) And, of course, Martin breaking down in MAG040…

(MAG040) MARTIN: Right. Well, I was doing some background checks for case 0081709, when you and Sasha started screaming, so I went to ch— ARCHIVIST: Yes, yes, yes, I was there! I was with you for almost the whole time, and that tape. survived. just fine. MARTIN: … sorry. ARCHIVIST: Ah, it’s fine, I just… I only need from when you got separated – from when you got lost in the tunnels. MARTIN: No, I mean… I’m sorry I left you. ARCHIVIST: … oh, Martin. MARTIN: [Tearful] It was an accident. I thought you two were with me, I mean, the worms came at us, and they were so much faster, and then there was the gas, and the running, and I just… I, I thought you were right behind me. But when I turned round you were gone, you were both gone. It was an accident. ARCHIVIST: I know. It’s fine, Martin. Everybody’s… [sigh] Everyone’s fine. I just need you to tell me what happened next, and then, it’s finished.

… Martin’s slow voice, getting harshly cut by Jon; Martin’s weak voice and little countenance…….. His “I’m sorry I left you” which is just… Martin isn’t on the verge of crying, but his words are moist, trying not to crumble, small voice and probably small lip movements?? And then his voice shivers and shakes and my HEART SHATTERS JON, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE MARTIN……. T______T (But Martin is so upset that even Jon relents and tries to calm him down!! Jon doesn’t get angry at him, he… feels that it wouldn’t work with Martin and/or feels bad about putting him in this state ;_;) The fact that Martin feels GUILTY over getting lost… feels like he abandoned Tim and Jon….. MARTIN T_______T * But at the same time, Martin keeps surprising me!! I somehow always end up expecting him to be meek and shy, and there are hesitations, there is uneasiness, there are apologies, he has trouble getting heard by the others, pretty often… but he’s also so much more, every time. He had planned ahead for the case the worms would invade the Archives – while Jon was just unable to give any direction about what they should do when it happened. He’s able to come back and to say things that need to be said, like when he questioned Jon’s decision (/ adamant requests/orders) to get Martin’s declaration on tape at the beginning of MAG037; even if he complied (begrudgingly), even if he stammered a “S-sorry”, even if he took Jon’s remarks in stride, he also…

(MAG037) MARTIN: […] Look, you need to get some sleep. [SILENCE] … I’ll see you later.

… pointed out A Deeper Problem regarding Jon. As advice? As a defence? Both? In any case, I would have expected Tim to point it out to Jon, so good surprise to hear Martin doing it. (I pictured Martin as… watching Jon intensely from the doorway, eyebrows slowly twisting in worry? And Jon not crossing his eyes, staring a wall, like a bored/sulky child, just waiting for him to piss off. And AOUCH. Martin ;; I’m just… Martin just got pushed and pressured, Jon was downright insulting here and there (mostly with second-degree remarks), and Martin… still left a ~door open~ with his “I’ll see you later”………… ;; Not wanting to give up on Jon, uh… Martin Cares…) And, of course, he called Jon out for the scepticism!! He had noticed!! He… wasn’t even feeling betrayed by Jon’s behaviour, he had seen through it – he was annoyed that Jon would lie like this!!

(MAG039) MARTIN: Seriously?! ARCHIVIST: What? MARTIN: Why do you do that? ARCHIVIST: Do what? MARTIN: Push the sceptic thing so hard!? I mean, it made sense at first, but now? After everything we’ve seen, after everything you’ve read! I hear you recording statements and y-you just dismiss them. Your tear them to pieces like they’re wasting your time, but half of the “rational” explanations you give are actually more far-fetched than just accepting it was a, a ghost or something. I mean for god’s sake John, we’re literally hiding from some kind of worm… queen… thing, how, how could you possibly still not believe!?

He’s not a weak thing, he is aware of what is happening around him and he cares, very deeply ;_; * MmMMMMmmm I wonder if Martin might have ADHD or something of the kind.

(MAG040) MARTIN: […] And there was more dust in those corridors too, and dead rats, even some discarded wine bottles. At one point there was an empty packet of mint imperials— ARCHIVIST: Martin… MARTIN: Sorry. Yeah. Um. […]

His thought seem to be drifting a lot, prone to digressions, and he has trouble keeping on one track; in this case, he was even recounting a Very Bad Experience but still chuckled when describing the food he had found in the corridors (getting into a totally different mood). I don’t know if we notice it more with him because he’s Martin, or if Jon gets more easily impatient with him than with the others (since He’s Martin; Tim could probably have gotten away with the same description), but… * It’s impressive but so far, he’s the only one of the Archive team to… be physically alright. Sasha got the cut from the worms+Michael (MAG026), and ultimately got killed (MAG039) though the others haven’t realized it yet; Tim and Jon got… many bloody holes in their bodies. Martin? Nothing. (Nothing so far?) T___T I love him so much??? He deserves to be fine and okay and valued and comforted??? Give him a raise and a blanket??? T___T

Sasha “Well, I won’t tell Martin.” James

* Definitely sounds like she was good with reports – and that Jon trusts her judgement about her discoveries.

(MAG036) ARCHIVIST: […] it seems the records from the closure of Ivy Meadows are… well, according to Sasha, calling them ‘patchy’ would be very generous. […]

* Happy/non-upsetting things first:

(MAG039) [SOUND CUTS IN MIDWAY THROUGH THE ARCHIVIST SCREAMING] MARTIN: And… there we go. Recording again. Did you get it? [PAINED CRY FROM ARCHIVIST AS SASHA EXTRACTS WORM WITH A SQUELCH] SASHA: There. And I just want to point out that I didn’t make this much of a fuss. ARCHIVIST: [Breathing heavily, aggrieved tone] I think your removal was substantially cleaner.

… it wasn’t explicit, so I do wonder if Jon was referencing Michael’s extraction from MAG026, or if Sasha had just got bitten again and they did a ~I take care of yours/you take care of mine~ exchange? (Because if Sasha has been bitten again, then yes, Jon would absolutely mention that he was cleaner at removing worms than others doing the same to him, ahaha.) Also, it was Martin’s corkscrew and yet Sasha was apparently the one to use it on Jon, so what happened. Did Martin just reveal the item and announce they could use it to remove Jon’s worm(s), and Jon went into a frenzy because the sight of Martin with almost-a-weapon was too much so Sasha had to step in to offer her help… (“Jon, you’ll die if I don’t–” “NO!! Don’t come any closer!!” “*sighs* Move aside Martin, I’ll take care of the big baby :/”) (If so, that biaaaaaaas, Jon!!! And he screamed anyway, Martin doing it or not.) * Jon was definitely… more at ease around her than with the others.

(MAG038) ARCHIVIST: […] Urgh. Urgh. [SOUND OF CHAIR SCRAPING] I see you… [THUMP... THEN SOUND OF COLLAPSING SHELVES] [NOISES OF EXCLAMATION] [DOOR OPENS] SASHA: Alright? ARCHIVIST: Ah… Yeah, a… a spider. SASHA: A spider? ARCHIVIST: Yeah. I tried to kill it… the shelf collapsed. SASHA: I swear, cheap shelves– ARCHIVIST: Yeah, I… SASHA: –are… Did you get it? ARCHIVIST: Ah… I hope so. Think so. Nasty, bulbous looking thing. SASHA: [Chuckles] Well, I won’t tell Martin. ARCHIVIST: Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem.

I LOVE SASHA’S PRIORITIES… She went to check on him, complained about the shelves being cheap and then right away remembered to ask if Jon had reached his target <3 Sasha was quite clearly cracking up and!! I like that Jon doesn’t take offense when she does!! He was a mess words-wise and it was kinda cute?! He had some awkward laughter, some breathlessness, the scene was utterly ridiculous (he was being ridiculous) and he knew it <3 … and also, I guess it avoided for him to get mad at himself for destroying furniture. (Describing a spider as “Nasty, bulbous looking thing” is… not wrong per se, but also not very helpful, though.) The comparison between how he’s relaxed around Sasha and quick to complain about Martin huuuuuurts, though. But I like that it’s saying that yes, Martin has already lectured Jon about the importance of spiders in the ecosystem. (Or at least once. I have no doubt that Jon would complain about Martin harassing him about it if Martin had only mentioned it once.) * She was A Big Damn Hero, who had already put herself into danger when she had followed Michael, and who again took big risks to save Tim’s life (something neither Jon nor Martin try to do, while Sasha… just rushed out to tackle him to save him).

(MAG026) SASHA: […] As I was about to exit, though, it called after me, and said if I was interested in saving your life it would be waiting at Hanwell Cemetery. […] It called you by name. You. And Martin. And Tim. […] Part of me wanted to tell you about it  immediately, to make a statement, but even if you believed me I knew you’d try and talk me out of going to Hanwell Cemetery, and I had just about made my mind up to go. I didn’t know if what Michael had said was a threat or a warning or just a lie, but I decided I couldn’t take the chance. So I went to the cemetery.

(MAG039) MARTIN: No. No, it looks like they’re… waiting, I think. ARCHIVIST: For what? MARTIN: I don’t know. Tim, maybe? SASHA: Oh god! MARTIN: I think he was out at lunch. SASHA: Quick, someone call him. Tell him not to come back inside. […] Oh god, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t see them. [SASHA AND MARTIN BOTH START CALLING OUT TO TIM] TIM, LOOK OUT! […] SASHA: What is he doing? No, Tim, just run! Leave it alone! […] Ah, screw this.

(MAG040) TIM: […] I think I was going to try and hit her, but that’s when Sasha knocked me to the floor. It, it was a good move, actually. Prentiss didn’t seem to expect it, and we crushed a lot of worms when we fell. They were slow to react, and we were running before they really went for us. I mean, all this happened in the space of a few seconds, so I’m not exactly certain. Sasha had to basically drag me behind her.

(MAG040) ELIAS: [Sasha] told me she had set off the fire alarm to get everyone out, and that you and Martin and Tim were currently trapped by Jane Prentiss.

Jon was already pessimistic about Tim’s fate (and couldn’t use one of his legs), Martin didn’t try to rush towards Tim to help him, but Sasha did. Martin, Tim and Jon were her three idiots, uh? She was always about protecting people… even when she left the archives, she activated the fire alarm (prompting everyone to leave the building) and went straight to Elias, to explain to him what was truly happening and to find out what they could do to neutralize the worms in the hope of saving the others… * … the last contact she had with any member of the team was… Tim letting go of her hand…

(MAG040) TIM: […] Sasha had to basically drag me behind her. I saw the shelf in front of us was about to topple. There were so many worms on it so, being the hero I am, I let go of her hand and told her to get help. She made it out the main door.

Tim joking about “being the hero I am” while… the irony… of what happened… is that it contributed to the chain of event that led to her death damniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit ;; (I’m wishing a bit that Tim will never realize it but AOUCH AOUCH AOUCH???) * … and she died alone, thinking about what Jon would want her to do and concerned and worried for the others (MAG039: “Okay, Jon. I know you’ll want to know what’s been happening. If you’re still alive after this. […] I got cut off from Elias. I hope he made it to the fire system, but who knows. Maybe everyone’s dead already.”), in a… place… that she… hated… (“I’ve had to retreat into Artefact Storage. That should tell you something about how bad it is out there. God, I hate this place.”) It’s even sadder given that… I’m not even sure she was still working at the Institute by choice, since she apparently had money-related issues:

(MAG026) SASHA: […] I love the Institute’s building, of course, it’s beautiful, but from a money point of view, I really wish it wasn’t in Chelsea. Everything around here is so expensive.

(MAG039) SASHA: […] Did I ever tell you I first joined the Institute as a practical researcher? I had to analyse and investigate all the stuff in here. Take notes after sleeping in the rusted chair, write in the memory book, all that sort of thing. I transferred after three months. Would’ve quit, but couldn’t afford to back then.

I’m just. Heartbroken over her. The others haven’t even realized she’s dead, she just… disappeared in all possible ways, and that chain of events wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t saved one of her coworkers’ life… I’m sad?? I’m so sad and inconsolable??? * Specifically with the table: Sasha knew what was written in Graham Folger’s journals:

(MAG003) ARCHIVIST: […] Sasha told her we’d managed to locate what we believed to be one of Graham Folger’s journals. Doubt it would have done much good. It just says the same thing on every page: the words “Keep Watching” over and over again.

… so I’m guessing that she didn’t “watch” (the table?) enough. It reminds me a bit of Will’s mother in His Dark Materials, and the way Will hypothesises that she sometimes focused on counting things to try and escape the Spectres… * I can’t help but wonder how things would turn out, if she had stayed alive… She was already on to something re:Elias avoiding some discussions:

(MAG039) SASHA: […] I… I asked Elias about it once, but he just muttered something about funding and mission statements. He’s good at changing the subject, isn’t he?

… so I wonder whether she would have been able to actually get suspicious of him… I know that Tense/Paranoid Times are coming from Jon, and maybe Sasha would have been able to defuse the situation, or to redirect it towards the right person, uh…? * I’m heartbroken that we’ve lost one member of the team ;; And it hurts-but-doesn’t at the same time, that… technically, we never hear the four of them together? Sasha and Tim never interacted on tape except for when Sasha tackled him!! And yet!! I have feelings for these 4 idiots!! I have no problem picturing their daily life!! * … And Not!Sasha creeped me out so much, efudsjnfr. First thing: static as soon as her statement began (while the others were fine), even before she began to speak, and… her (its?) way to describe ~what she did~…

(MAG040) NOT!SASHA: I pulled a fire alarm, because the worms were following me, and I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt. I went to Elias. We talked. We were going to save you, but the worms came, and I fled into the Artefact Storage room. You know I hate the Artefact Storage room, so it must have been bad. ARCHIVIST: You used to work there, didn’t you? NOT!SASHA: Yes. For three months. It was dreadful. I used to think that it was the most dangerous place in the Institute. […] I saw the worms in the main Institute. They shrivelled and died. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that scream though. I could hear Prentiss screaming even from there. […] Yes. Michael… With the bones in his hands. We still don’t know much about him, do we?

Sasha had amusement and some slyness in her words (a bit cat-like). Not!Sasha’s voice is smooth, but distant and unconcerned; she’s saying sentences without giving life to them – she had no personal feelings about (the true) Sasha’s actions. … But she did some things, on her own, and:

(MAG040) NOT!SASHA: Yes, I returned to the Archives, and all the worms were dead. You and Tim were lying there, but you weren’t moving. You just lay there, the dead worms still half inside of you. The trapdoor was open next to you, and more were inside. I went over to check, and you were alive, so I pulled you back to where there was more air, and began to remove the worms. Are you alright? ARCHIVIST: Sorry, just… difficult to hear, you know.

… so yeah, she saved Tim and Jon. So why. What is the plan for them (/for Jon), and how much will they wish that they had died out there rather than suffering whatever she has in store for them… (It’s also hitting one of Jon’s fears/anguishes, technically, though he’s not conscious of it: (MAG026) “The idea that there are things out there like that that want to help us… For some reason, that makes me more uncomfortable than the worm-infested creature stalking the Institute”).

(MAG040) NOT!SASHA: They took you away, so I waited with Elias. He was looking at me strangely, but we were both quiet. It had been a very strange day.

:w I know that the season 3 finale dealt with ~The Stranger~ so. She dropped the word.

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: […] Are you feeling alright? You seem a bit… out of it. NOT!SASHA: Yes. I am very tired. It’s hard to keep track of things sometimes.

What a hard day. Killing off A True Hero and replacing her is soooo tiresome isn’t it. (Jon… did briefly feel that something was off, but is it because Not!Sasha’s spooky powers don’t hide her intonations when it’s wrong (and anyone would notice), or is it because Jon specifically could feel it…?) (She went meek and “I will uwu” with a small voice right after, pfffft.)

ANYWAY, I’M STILL GRIEVING FOR SASHA… you deserved the world, princess é_è And we get… that thing… instead………………………………

Tim “Joe Spooky” Stoker

(MAG039) TIM: … still working? Ah, okay. Test, test. What are you doing on the floor? Huh. [Imitates Archivist voice] Statement of Joe Spooky, regarding sinister happenings in the downtown old—

I’M LOVE HIM SO MUCH… no respect for Jon (overall tone + “Joe” + “SPOOKY”), it was amazingly beautiful. Tim. TIM. (+ we had the context, we knew he was In Danger, so switching to Tim’s point of view was just Magical. Sasha&Martin banging on the door while Tim is not hearing a thing and getting distracted by the shiny object and the occasion to poke fun at Jon behind Jon’s back, while the Queen Worm was right behind him.) (Let!! Joe!! Spooky!! Give his statement!!) … I also love Tim's official recounting of these events:

(MAG040) TIM: Well, I could tell something was wrong as soon as I got back. It was quiet. I mean, it’s normally quiet, but it was dead quiet. I spotted the tape recorder lying on the ground, and went over to… er… see if it was damaged, and… as I was checking it I heard Sasha shouting.

Yeah, not proper to mention the “Joe Spooky” thing given what had happened since then, but his hesitation gave away that he remembered and that he knew Jon wouldn’t have liked it. (Sad that “Sasha” lost the tape because Jon didn’t get to hear about it, though! :( It’s probably the only reason why Tim’s still alive at this point, uh.) * I learned thanks to MAG040 that his full name is Timothy Stoker and SHHHHHHH… given that he’s so outgoing, it must have been really, reaaaaaaaaally weird for him to hear about Timothy Hodge (MAG006) flirting in a bar and having a one-night stand with a woman infected by worms, and then getting infested himself and dying in the events recounted in MAG026. Awkward. * I like how (before MAG040) Tim’s sentences are always so jumpy and less… slick, compared to Jon. He makes a lot of pauses, small filler sounds, like he’s circling around Jon and trying to convey what he wants in the best way to get Jon to answer peacefully (without fearing him either). There is always a smile in his voice, and so much warmth! (AND I KNOW THAT IT WON’T LAST, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO mE!!!) * He was apparently… delighted? Hysterically happy? Super excited? when he learned about MAG035’s case having to do with Robert Smirke, according to Jon (“You should have seen Tim’s face when I told him. Architecture is one of his specialist areas, and he has always talked of Smirke as one that fascinates him. How did he phrase it? ‘A master of subtle stability’.”) I wonder if that case was related to their banter reported by Sasha in MAG026, since we know from MAG024 that they were already working on the Harold Silvana case at that point? Jon sounds more like he's gushing about Tim’s enthusiasm here, rather than that they really fought about the subject, so I’m guessing that I was right, and that Jon just teased him a bit about Robert Smirke for the sake of it. Idiot dorks <3 * Twice now he’s been a middleman/messenger between Elias and the archives/Jon:

(MAG033) ARCHIVIST: […] Which reminds me, if you do see Elias, tell him thanks for the extra extinguishers. TIM: Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

(MAG036) TIM: Oh, ah, nothing urgent, um, it’s just Elias was asking a couple questions about the delivery.

So is there a cold between Jon&Elias at this point, is Tim the Mandatory Delivery Man for messages. When I mentioned this to Aza, I was answered with: And I’m keeping this screencap here for Posterity (and for going back to sob about it later).

(Alternatively: Elias was asking Tim to ask Jon about why the eff he’s getting his furniture delivered at work.) (At least, everybody probably guessed that it wasn’t coming from Ikea, since Jon apparently has a personal vendetta against it according to the trailer (“… piled so many files on a shelf. Don’t buy them from IKEA.”), which is? uncalled for??? Ikea shelves are powered with the strength of Norsemen as long as you don’t move them around once settled, if Jonathan (Coulton.) taught me anything.) * I forgot to mention it explicitly, I think?, but I know that He Bi (which is why I can bask in the queer mentions with him already), so:

(MAG038) ARCHIVIST: […] Tim actually managed to find a copy of Mr. Ramao’s marriage licence. It exists, is signed, dated and official… and half of it is blank. Only Mr. Ramao’s details are on the document, and if it wasn’t for the context of this statement, it would appear he was married to nobody. But he was married.

There were many sad things about it: the events of the statement and the statement itself took place in 2012, two years before same-sex marriage was legalized in the UK. Which means… that Andre&David probably got married in another country. And it’s Tim who “managed to find a copy” of that marriage licence: so I’m guessing that he fought to find it, that he really wanted to find it, that he really wanted to believe that yes, this man had not… invented his married life? T_T (Queer people solidarity T_T) More happily, though:

(MAG034) ARCHIVIST: […] Still, Tim made contact with Elena Bower in the King’s administration office, and while she couldn’t find any actual records of them in the system, she does remember them being there, and confirms that she assigned them to Dr. Elliott last year. She could be in on it, of course, but Tim seems to believe her.

1°) Did Tim sleep with her. 2°) Jon trusts Tim’s judgement!!! Same as with the Dreamer’s statement (MAG011: “I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives.”), it sounds like he trust Tim a great deal? * I do wonder:

(MAG039) TIM: Oh… PRENTISS: [Slowly intoning over worm sound] Do you hear their song?

Was there a special reason for Tim to be targeted like this? She hadn’t spoken to Martin, it didn’t sound like she had spoken to Harriet Lee (according to Timothy Hodge); does Tim have a… connection with That Thing? He said that he wasn’t able to understand what she was saying, though:

(MAG040) TIM: […] [Prentiss] tried to say something, but I don’t know, I couldn’t really understand her through all the…

(So we could hear her through the tape, but not Tim, who was even closer to her? Is it because… it wasn’t a regular voice but something that was distorted for human ears?) And in the same way, I feel like he dodged a bullet, re: the table ;;

(MAG036) TIM: Oh, ah yes, yeah, it was sent straight to the Artefact Storage, a table of some sort. Ah, looks old. Quite pretty, though. Fascinating design on it. […] Um, I’ll be honest I didn’t really notice. It was quite— ARCHIVIST: Hypnotic, yes. […]

(BUT IT GOT SASHA INSTEAD SO I’M STILL SAD…) * I loved Tim already, I’m even more in love with… high-on-CO2!Tim.

(MAG039) [SOUND OF PLASTERBOARD AND TILE BREAKING] TIM: Hi guys! […] Funny story really. I ran into the office, worms everywhere, horrible death and everything, tripped and fell in some boxes and there were like 20 cans of gas in there. MARTIN: Are, are you alright? You seem a bit… TIM: Fine! Fine! Gas… bit light-headed. Not a lot of ventilation in the tunnels. Come on!

tIM……… He has the Best Entrances, okay.

(MAG040) TIM: […] I found myself lying on top of a whole bunch of CO2 canisters, which are damn hard by the way. The worms were still coming, so I used them. I mean, I went full Gas-Rambo. After that… my memory gets a bit fuzzy. I think the paramedic called it ‘respiratory acidosis’… from breathing in all the carbon dioxide, rather than your more traditional oxygen.

He was such a treat; there was this tense, anxious atmosphere, heart-to-heart talk between Jon&Martin, who thought that it was unlikely that Tim had managed to make it out alive, death lurking around… and then bam. Tim rips apart a fake wall and barges in, totally out of his mind but still aware of the situation.

(MAG040) TIM: […] [I] ended up sprawling into this pile of boxes that I thought were case files. Instead, I found myself lying on top of a whole bunch of CO2 canisters – which are damn hard by the way. The worms were still coming, so I used them. Er, I mean, I went full Gas-Rambo.

“Full Gas-Rambo”… tIM…………. (and the stupid little detail of the fact that the canisters are hard. Tim… trying to get back to normal dandy life, in which he can complain or note random things…) * … the CO2 made him lose some inhibitions too… tIM…

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: You’re not bitten, are you? TIM: No, I don’t think so! Have a look! ARCHIVIST: Yes, alright Tim, you look fine. Put them back on, please.

I’m guessing the “them” is trousers again, so Jon is apparently Fated to see his male assistants without trousers (or even less) at some point. Whether Tim showed his arse or genitalia, Jon said he looks “fine”, though. Jon please <33 * … It’s incredible how even in the worst situations, or to recall traumatic events about himself, he still manages to crack jokes here and there. In a hollow and “I’m fucked up and everything is fucked up ahaha” tone but. Still. Jokes.

(MAG040) TIM: Sure. Just… quarantine, y’know? … Not as much fun as it sounds. ARCHIVIST: You were certainly in there longer than I was. Everything alright? TIM: Yeah. I just made some joke about itching and… suddenly they were doing a whole bunch more tests. ARCHIVIST: Well, itching is one of— TIM: I know… I know. I was trying to lighten the mood. I’m fine, though. Except for the holes. … And the pain. … And the blood. … And the nightmares.

…………….. quarantine does NOT sound fun, Tim, holy Mew. And the joke. Oh gods. His voice was so tired, super slow, you could hear that he regretted that joke so, so, so much, that it meant more discomfort and added trauma. It’s either joking or crying, for him, at this point, isn’t it.

(MAG040) TIM: It’s a bit of blur, to be honest, ‘cause when I turned around, there she was. Prentiss. Her face so full of holes it’s like, “my eyes are up here~”, but they’re not, you know? They’re just… uh.

TIM. (And that. That sentence didn’t make any sense. It was just that he couldn’t make the joke with Jane Prentiss because no eyes anymore.) * And he’s not a complete idiot either!!! He’s actually pretty smart, notices things, connects dots and make hypotheses about what he observed!!

(MAG040) TIM: […] I have a theory, actually. I think [the worms] weren’t ready to attack when you found the tunnels. It’s like something in the Institute slows them down, and makes them… hum… heh, sluggish. And that noise they make, that squirming sound? They don’t make it when they’re in the tunnels. I don’t know why. It was only when they came into the Institute – maybe the light, or the aircon, or something? – I’m not sure, but I think it made them weaker, and they’ve been down there for months, breeding, building up their numbers until there were enough to properly bury us. Except you found that hidden passage, and they had to act.

(He was getting some life back in his voice, when explaining his ideas, too!) * ONCE AGAIN, I’m sad about his description of… what was his last moment with Sasha (and Sash's last moment with anyone from the team):

(MAG040) TIM: […] I don’t know what I was going to do, I think I was gonna try and hit her, but that’s when Sasha knocked me to the floor. It– it was a good move, actually. Prentiss didn’t seem to expect it and, we crushed a lot of worms when we fell. They were slow to react, and we were running before they really went for us. […] so, being the hero I am, I let go of her hand and told her to get help. She made it out the main door.

She saved him, and he knows it. He cracked a joke about what he did (because in his mind, she’s still alive, he can joke about that! she managed to flee and to get help, and got through the ordeal unscathed!) and it’s to say that HE “LET GO OF HER HAND” AND IT WAS THE LAST CONTACT SHE HAD WITH HIM… WITH SOMEONE FROM THE TEAM…………………………….. I hope that he will… never realize it, oh gods………………. * I’M IN PAIN because I know that Things Go To Shit In Season 2 and that it’s especially bad between Jon and Tim… but I wouldn’t have been able to predict that from MAG040. Because… Jon is a bit better with him than how he usually handles people? They were together, they faced Jane Prentiss together, they got the same kind of injuries, the same trauma, they can Relate when hearing each other’s comments, and… Jon sounds aware of that, that his experience and Tim’s are similar. He doesn’t need him to recall the events that horrified him, and he has a few kind words:

(MAG040) TIM: [Tired] Do you need much? I’d really like to go home. ARCHIVIST: I sympathise. It won’t take more than a few minutes.

(Tim’s voice was so small ;; The end of an era, there is a hollowness (ha. many hollownesses.) in his voice there…)

(MAG040) TIM: […] There didn’t seem much point staying, so, I went into the tunnels. They were cold. Dry. You know that worm smell, that earthy rotten smell? ARCHIVIST: Oooh yes. TIM: Well… yeah.

(Jon’s voice was very small there, too ;;)

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: […] Could you… describe the tunnels? TIM: You were there. ARCHIVIST: Humour me.

(Jon was almost whispering.)

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: Good. Good. Go home, Tim. Get some sleep. TIM: Heh. Yeah. Sure.

(Aaand Jon went from weak voice to a bit firmer, but more like he was trying to get some composure back than being authoritative. And Tim was scoffing; he knew he… wouldn’t be able to sleep, uh…)

Anyway, I love him and he’s going to break my heart, isn’t he ;;

Elias Bouchard

* I’m laughing because:

(MAG017) ELIAS: […] By the way, have you seen Martin?

(MAG036) TIM: Oh, ah, nothing urgent, um, it’s just Elias was asking a couple questions about the delivery. ARCHIVIST: Delivery? What delivery? TIM: Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh!

He sounds like that PNJ who subtly tries to get you back on the track to the Main Quest when you’re getting distracted (“Jon, Jon, Martin is not here, something happening with Martin, maybe you could focus on that Jon.” “Jonathan, THE TABLE and the zippo, Jonathan, pay attention to the items, JONATHAN.”) * Lalala:

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: [Weary] … Statement of, uuuuh… ELIAS: Jon… as your boss, I’m telling you to go home. ARCHIVIST: I’m fine. ELIAS: Look. You look like a mummy. You need rest. […] Jon! She’s gone. I went with the ECDC people when they took her away. I watched her body burn. Jane Prentiss is dead. You can relax. ARCHIVIST: You know why I can’t. When Martin found… ELIAS: That’s a matter for the police.

1°) With Jon temporarily out, someone had to watch/record this, uh. 2°) There have been a few rough exchanges between Martin and Jon, but Elias and Jon do argue for real and it’s a treat <3 It escalates quickly, Jon’s voice (raw, drifting, a bit low at first) gets tense and firmer in his tone, and Elias keeps having those frustrated and reprobating throat noises, and you get the feeling that both of them are indeed verbally fighting to take possession of the topic. Jon keeps starting to talk before Elias ended his own sentences! Even Jon can’t be dismissive of his own boss – but he’s still very very stubborn and… impertinent with Elias. Almost trying to boss him around.

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: … Tell me what happened to Gertrude Robinson. ELIAS: Jon, how many times do we need to go over this? ARCHIVIST: We’ve never got it on tape. ELIAS: You can barely stand. Just… why don’t we just do this tomorrow? … … Fine. On the 15th of March last year, […].

(Jon cutting the end of Elias’s sentences! And you could hear Jon staring hard and hard and hard as sole answer. Elias gave in and complied, but clearly annoyed, with a dry automatic diction <3) * I have Many Things To Scream About When It Comes To That One Sentence:

(MAG039) SASHA: […] I think John’s got a lighter somewhere. ELIAS: He’s not smoking again, is he?

1°) There is a fire alarm going off, Sasha just explained they're being invaded by worms and attacked by an Abomination: is the fact that Jon may or may not be smoking (again) really a priority, Elias. 2°) ……………. still even when pretending to not know that Elias is Elias……. it sounds so terribly paternalistic and not the kind of comment a boss should allow himself to say about a subordinate……… Whether Jon might be smoking or not is not your business…………… 3°) … does Jon even know that Elias knows that he used to smoke. (For how long has Elias set his eyes on Jon, exactly? Was it before Gertrude’s death?) * I… don’t know how he operates, what he can and cannot do, if he has Restrictions or is totally free to do whatever. Obviously, however, given that I know he’s not… exactly benevolent (let’s say.) and is hiding who/what he is, a big question I have regarding him is: is he bound (by supernatural restrictions or by personal ethics) to tell the truth, or can he lie? (As in: lying for real; not only omitting or changing the subject, which he seems to do quite a lot �� as even Sasha had noticed.) Wondering this gives another dimension to some of his sentences, assuming that no, he can’t explicitly lie (but can bend the truth to say a non-lie while avoiding to reveal information):

(MAG039) ELIAS: To be honest I always thought they were just… overreacting. Other staff have seen them around, but no-one’s reported any aggressive behaviour or anything like that. You know how those two are… Jon puts on a good show, but sometimes I swear he’s worse than Martin.

(MAG040) ELIAS: I… know I have often seemed dismissive of your concerns before […]. But… honestly, I didn’t fully appreciate what you’d been talking about until I turned that corner and we saw what I can only describe as a… a tidal wave of filth rushing towards us.

=> Well, Jon will have worse anyway, so no need to take this one too seriously, right? It was ONLY Jane Prentiss. Come on. Not a big deal, right.

(MAG040) Martin finding her body in the tunnels is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.

=> Of all fucking people working at the Institute or investigating Gertrude’s suspicious disappearance, Elias wasn’t expecting that MARTIN would find her body. (THAT’S SO MEAN FOR MARTIN WHEN YOU HEAR IT THIS WAY…) His description of Gertrude’s disappearance is, all in all, pretty neutral and is readable as a not-lie, but there are two details that are noteworthy: 1°) “so I assumed she was dead and left the investigation to the police”: you can’t assume something you know, especially since there would have been ways to word it in a non-personal phrasing (~It was safe to assume~, ~Anybody could have assumed~ etc.)… but then, I don’t know if she was dead-dead when he left her/the body, nor if he was the one to drag the body somewhere else (since the crime scene and the place the body was discovered were different). 2°) … he said that Gertrude’s disappearance was discovered and reported “On the 15th of March last year”: however, according to MAG025, it was the 15th of May. March 15th was, however, the day following ~Antonio Blake~’s written statement about his dreams regarding Gertrude’s death (MAG011). So was it a mix-up from the writers, was it an inconsequential mix-up from Elias, or was that… a mistake made on purpose, because there had been blood on her desk around that time but it was related to another story, not her actual murder? * I’m really amused by the fact that… I know due to spoilers that I have to be careful of him, that’s he’s bad, baaaaad, bad news. But every time he speaks, I have this ringing of “oh, it’s just boring/neutral/a bit useless Elias” flaring in my mind =D (Also, as if his voice actor was just filling in, but not really used to acting. I already know it’s not the case, got some audible proof even… and yet. I still have the impulse of thinking “Oh, it’s just Elias” when hearing him in my current episodes, which baffles me every time. You sneaky falsely boring middle-aged man, you. (Kudos to his VA!)) (Though yeah, I got to actually hear him a bit more thanks to MAG040, and his voice was more noticeable then (unrelated to the fact that, by default, his scenes are funnier when he’s arguing with Jon). Very clean and… I think the word I would use to describe it is “neat”? His elocution is very clear, not exactly cutting, but there is something sharp there.) * But then, it sounds like other characters share the feeling and it’s… how Elias is identified (/gets identified) by others. Sasha wasn’t exactly too impressed with him (clearly feeling that she had to insist to make him do something actually useful to potentially help Jon, Tim and Martin), and Jon himself doesn’t seem to consider Elias useful either:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: […] I still don’t know what happened to Gertrude. Officially she’s still missing, but Elias is no help […].

* Again, about what he said about Jon (and Martin) and the worms:

(MAG039) ELIAS: So… these are the worms he and Martin have been going on about? SASHA: The ones terrorising us for months? Yeah! ELIAS: To be honest I always thought they were just… overreacting. Other staff have seen them around, but no-one’s reported any aggressive behaviour or anything like that. You know how those two are… Jon puts on a good show, but sometimes I swear he’s worse than Martin.

I want to say that Elias is also so mean to Jon, but then, that would make me be mean to Martin. So, usually, in the group of four, Tim and Sasha are (perceived as) the ones less likely to ~overreact~? (That’s especially funny considering how, at that exact time, Tim is currently getting High On CO2 and a total mess. And how Martin, having been panicking for months over the concept of an incoming worms invasion, pre-emptively found a solution that would remove them and thought of a place to take shelter in. But Sasha has been Great overall, granted, and Jon… didn’t do a lot except for shouting at Martin and complaining about Sasha’s worm-removal.) * … Though, I’m terrified over how he casually got LIFE OR DEATH power over the people in the Archives:

(MAG039) ELIAS: Not quite what I meant. On Jon’s insistence I recently changed the Archive’s fire suppression system to use carbon dioxide. Should have done it years ago, really— […] SASHA: Wait. Wait. Will it hurt Martin or Jon? ELIAS: Almost certainly. Er, I’m not a doctor, but I know dumping a lot of CO2 on people isn’t generally considered a good idea.

(Jon, what have you done.) Even when ignoring spoilers (he killed Gertrude), THAT’S SO VERY REASSURING… Fitting with what Jon said about how “These old files are far better protected than we ever were.” (MAG039) but I’m also staring so hard about how… ahahaha… there would be… a convenient way… to kill off all the staff if they were a bit troublesome and too uncooperative or something………… that would be less bloody and “cleaner” than with Gertrude, wouldn’t it……….. (was it really “on Jon’s insistence”. Wouldn’t be out of character for Jon given that he had asked for more fire extinguishers, and carbon dioxide means less harm to the documents, but at the same time, those are not… ideal conditions if you want to work without fearing for your life.) * Maybe Not That Immune To Worms:

(MAG040) ELIAS: Luckily it seemed the things were mainly concentrated in that one mass, leaving the other corridors largely vacant. It took me ten minutes, maybe fifteen, but I made it with only one close call.

Oh no, Alexa, this could have been so sad, play “Despacito”. * I still don’t know why Jon was chosen specifically, and I do wonder if Elias was planning to keep him at all costs as the new head archivist, or if he… allowed himself to test the waters a bit, to check if Jon would be up to the task, keeping the possibility of discarding him if he wasn’t a good enough fit. I mean, I know that he killed Gertrude! And even with Jon, he obviously played with fire (ha.) by releasing the carbon dioxide at the last moment. His official stance to Sasha was that he hoped that Jon would survive given that:

(MAG039) Er, I’m not a doctor, but I know dumping a lot of CO2 on people isn’t generally considered a good idea. I really don’t want to have to find another Archivist so quickly after Gertrude, but from what you say… it might be a mercy.

1°) ……………… I do love how his public persona is just… casually so ruthless and un-empathetic. Whining about having to find another archivist when he’s mentioning that oops, Jon (and Tim and Martin) could die while the system is saving the Institute. Everyone in this institute has their priorities wrong. (And yes, it’s even more hysterical when knowing that he killed the previous one. Complaining about having to find another Archivist after you killed the last one? YOU DON’T SAY.) Same thing in the following episode when he recalls ~what happened about Gertrude’s bloody disappearance~, he summarizes his stance with:

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] so I assumed she was dead and left the investigation to the police, for all the good it did me. And I appointed another archivist.

Laconic tone for the end of the story (but with a slightly higher pitch: it wasn’t “annoyed” like at the beginning), and Jon was… breathing hard throughout that last sentence. Aouch. Also could you please try to sound sad about one of your employees’ mysterious death, Elias. 2°) I know (thanks spoilers) that Elias has selective omniscience and can see what is happening (if he focuses on it). So he knew how much danger Jon and the others were in, he probably could see the moment Tim and Jon went face to… faces with Jane Prentiss, and he acted at the last minute. Was Elias planning to move a finger only if he had to and there was no other way for Jon to make it out alive? Or did he make the decision to help-if-necessary during the crisis, because Jon had… somehow lived up to his expectations and proved himself as the new Archivist? In the latter case… would it be related to the fact that Jon tried to record at all cost what was happening (endangering himself to retrieve his tape recorder (only to lose it again a few seconds later) and even getting bitten in the process, asking Martin to describe what he was seeing for the second tape recorder), thus ~validating~ Elias’s choice? (In all cases: thaaaaaaaaat’s absolutely creepy, I love it. Terrible.) * Look, yes, he probably timed his actually-doing-something-for-once thingy, but the way he described it:

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] I composed myself, and decided on a more roundabout route to the boiler room. Luckily it seemed the things were mainly concentrated in that one mass, leaving the other corridors largely vacant. It took me ten minutes, maybe fifteen, but I made it […].

……… I doubt that the building is big enough to require ten to fifteen minutes to reach a place, even when a taking a detour. That is, when you’re rushing. Did he have the time to have a cigarette, one or two coffees, and even to wait for the coffee to cool down to an acceptable temperature, before lifting a finger. * Re: Elias’s public persona being very casually ruthless: the difference between Jon living the horror and Elias ~describing the horror~:

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] I turned on the fire suppression system. And… that’s when I heard the scream. I… can’t really describe it but… well, I’m sure I don’t need to, you were a lot closer to it than I was. ARCHIVIST: It’s the last thing I remember before blacking out. Tens of thousands of… things without mouths screaming as one. ELIAS: … Yes. Horrible sound. Anyway, […].

(With Jon’s voice shivering and clearly Not Fine, while Elias is just deadpan and firm and that “Anyway,” kills me.)

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] I headed down to the Archives to see what had happened. Sasha was already there, but you and Tim were in a bad shape. It looked like a few dozen worms had been going into each of you when the carbon dioxide killed them. Was like bloody Swiss che— ARCHIVIST: YES… thank you, I remember everything from when the ambulance arrived. Quarantine, bandaging, etcetera.

hE’S ALSO SO FUCKING SAVAGE??? ELIAS, OH MY GODS………… Jon is traumatized and Elias just casually describe Tim and him as looking like gruyère (“bloody Swiss cheese”), oh mY GODS… (And Jon was… breathing hard, and he stopped him sharply, so almost getting a panic attack over the recounting of the events, uh. Does Elias feed on Jon’s discomfort and suffering? Because if he wanted to very casually and ~innocently~ make someone ill at ease, yeah, it was a very efficient way.) * Anyway:

(MAG037) MARTIN: […] Look, Jon, I do think we should destroy the table, though. I mean, if it’s the one from Amy Patel’s statement. Just in case. ARCHIVIST: Elias told me the same thing. Luckily he phrased it as advice rather than an instruction, so for now I’m more inclined to keep studying it.

1°) Spoilers aside: I’m laughing that… it’s not like Elias is in charge of the Institute, isn’t it. It’s not like he’s supposed to have a say in how they should handle Suspicious Items that are received in the Institute and that will be kept inside of its Artefact Storage, instead of giving very vague “oh yeah, maybe we should destroy it… idk… do whatever…”, uh. Same thing when he reported what he was doing during the worms invasion, it was hilarious:

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] This afternoon, just after lunch, I was going over some budgets in my office, as I normally do on a Tuesday […]. the fire alarm started going off. It was annoying, but not too worrying at first. I, I packed my work away, and began to calmly head towards the evacuation point, when… Sasha came barrelling through the door […].

If it had been a planned training for emergency, he would have known about if beforehand, so his public persona knew it was either someone accidentally setting the alarm or a genuine case, but his official stance about it is “Oh no, there was annoying noise disturbing my Tuesday Budget Ritual, and I even had to evacuate :(”. Same thing with his stance about Martin’s stay:

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] in fact I was getting ready to raise the issue of Martin’s continuing to live in the Institute’s basement, especially as I believe he’s been stealing fire extinguishers.

“Yeah, sure, one of my employees has been living in my building for four months, that’s fair, but hoarding fire extinguishers? Too unprofessional.” And in both cases, Jon is not surprised by what Elias is saying, so it’s just… regular Elias comments. THIS IS YOUR FUCKING INSTITUTE, ELIAS…………………….. you could also get a bit more upset about the damages the worms caused – it’s going to cost a lot! (In case you haven’t noticed, I’m really cackling at the Boring Useless Bureaucrat persona =D) 2°) I have no doubt that this fucker knew what kind of Bad News the table meant, so comparatively, what he officially said about it is…  so… noncommittal, pfFFFTTTT. Keeping the table turns out to be a mistake? Elias had advised you to trash it!! Destroying the table turns out to be a mistake? Well, Elias hadn’t instructed you to trash it, he only gave you some advice that you were free to disregard!! Your fault in all cases, Elias Did Nothing Wrong because he did nothing at all, You Can’t Complain, Jon, No, Really, You Can’t. bUT FUCK HIM ANYWAY!!

(MAG040) NOT!SASHA: […] I waited with Elias. He was looking at me strangely, but we were both quiet. It had been a very strange day.

Fuck yooooooooou, you know!!! :| … I’m not sure, however, whether he knew what would happen to Sasha: if it was a pure coincidence (and he rolled with it), if he was aware that it was likely to happen to her, or if he did get ~accidentally separated~ from her at that moment in a deliberate and conscious effort to get her to hide in the Artefact Storage room (where the table was stored, where Sasha would be alone, and where it was very likely that she would get… murdered and replaced). So I can’t scream at him for being a tiny bit responsible (yet), but I’m eyeing him in the meantime. * But apparently, sometimes, when the stars are aligned, Elias can apparently behave like someone who is *gasps!!* helpful:

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] I called the fire department, ambulance and a contact at the ECDC who had previously been involved in the Prentiss investigation.

… Yeah, needed special staff to get rid of the (worm) corpses. (Aaaand he has a ~repertoire~ of people to contact, apparently?)

The Magnus Institute / The Archives

We got a bit more information about how things apparently work around here!

* According to season 1’s Q&A

(S1Q&A) Alex: “How large is the Magnus Institute, as an organization?” Jonny: There are between 80 and a 100 staff in total. Very few of them are focused on the Archives; I think probably the core staff is maybe 40.

Does it include the cryptids. (That’s not gigantic but leaves some space for not knowing everyone / mostly knowing people in your own services, indeed!) * … The Institute is not here to help you, even if you’re desperate. It wants your stories, but it won’t help you.

(MAG037, Jason North) I’ve asked and asked and your people only ever tell me to write my statement. Put it down on paper for investigation. Is that going to help? No. Of course it isn’t. Even if you had the power to do something, would you? Or would you rather watch my son burn so you can take notes. […] I won’t let my son burn, even if you cowards don’t have the guts to step up and do something. […] But yes, I know, you want the whole goddamn story, don’t you? So you can look over it in ten years and go “Hmm, interesting” long after Ethan and me are dead.

* So, yay! Characters had understood that the statements not recording on computer meant they were Spooky. I was wondering, since the tape recorders do have the advantage of singling them out of the bunch of others, if they were treated differently – apparently, it wasn’t the case at first but Jon is focusing more on them nowadays (MAG039: “At this stage, if it records to my laptop I almost don’t bother.”) Jon also basically said that, so far, we might have heard all the recordings on tape (“I mean. I still think most of the statements down here aren’t real. Of the hundreds I’ve recorded, we’ve had maybe… thirty, forty that are… that go on tape.”): 38 statements so far, minus Martin’s and Sasha’s, and three other live statements. So 33 that came from papers, already in the Archives. It also seems that Jon is also able to… feel that they’re different even before recording them, maybe? (“The ones that have weird wrinkles, or that just seem to have something solid to them.”) Or are those literal “weird wrinkles” in the paper, which would be an indication that some people (Gertrude?), before the current team, used to read those but disregard the others? * Working in the Archives is not a Safe Job:

(MAG026) SASHA: I should really quit, you know. We– we all should. I don’t think this a normal job. I– I don’t think this is a safe job. ARCHIVIST: You’re probably right. Do you want to quit? SASHA: No. I’m just– I’m just too damned curious, I suppose. You? ARCHIVIST: No. Whatever’s going on, I… need to know. Get some rest.

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: […] Why are you here Martin? […] Why haven’t you quit? […] Why are you still here? MARTIN: [Considering] Don’t really know. I just am. It didn’t feel right to just leave. I’ve typed up a few resignation letters, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hand them in. I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck.

(MAG039) SASHA: […] I’ve had to retreat into Artefact Storage. That should tell you something about how bad it is out there. God, I hate this place. … Did I ever tell you I first joined the Institute as a practical researcher? […] I transferred after three months. Would’ve quit, but couldn’t afford to back then.

I would scream at all of you to quit but then Sasha is already dead and I knew that curiosity (/not ~keeping watching~ enough?) would kill the cat TT____TT (Also, Martin, sweetie, is your last sentence supposed to reassure us re: the reasons why you don’t feel like quitting? Because it… was a bit terrifying, that whole extended metaphor about an insect stuck in a web. Who/What/Where is the spider. If he had said that he wanted to stay because he had grown fond of the others and didn’t want to feel like he was leaving them behind, I would have dug that, considering how he’s been a sweetie pie so far, but here… it sounded more like a consequence of him staying. He never explained why he didn’t (want to?) quit.) * It sounds like the Institute itself had an effect on the worms? Tim said that the ones in the tunnels were “faster for some reason. And quieter.” (MAG039) than the ones in the Archives, and Jon confirmed it right after (“Tim was right about there being fewer worms down here, but they are much faster. More aggressive.”) When Tim went over the events in MAG040, it’s also something that had struck him (“[In the tunnels,] I did see some more worms, though. They were fast. I only saw a couple, but it was still proper jumpscare territory.”) Back when they had first encountered them in the wild, Martin and Sasha had described the worms as quite fast (MAG022: “the worms began to writhe out of every hole and cavity, falling to the floor in a cascading… wave and starting to crawl towards me with… with alarming speed. […] Just as I was bringing up the camera app, one of the worm-things reached at me and leapt at my face. That thing jumped literally 6 feet through the air at my face.”; MAG026: “The worms also seemed to have taken notice and began to move towards me at an alarming speed.”), so it seems that their behaviour inside of the Institute was the anomaly. Something (the building itself?) was able to slow them down? Tim himself was hypothesizing this in MAG040. Anyway, worms were trying to populate other levels, according to Sasha (MAG039: “The worms are on the upper floor. Not as many as down in the Archive, but enough.”) * I was wondering at which level are the Archives located? I had assumed ground floor or basement floor, and that sounds correct! Elias’s office is apparently on an upper level (not surprised) (MAG040, Elias: “We hurried down, and it was clear everyone else had already evacuated. We… had reached the ground floor when… well…”). Plus, the dent on the wall caused by the collapsing shelf caused by Jon thwacking it caused by an innocent spider visiting the Archives, revealed that this one was not an “exterior wall” (as Sasha had assumed until MAG038) but some sort of plasterboard panel separating the Archives from… hidden tunnels. So the Archives are on the lowest (official) level in the Institute. (Which sounds usual and all but is also pretty dangerous for papers in case of flooding.) And Elias did describe the place where the statements were recorded in MAG040 as “basement filled with a thousand rotting worm carcasses” (he had offered to take the statements in his office instead) and also commented about “the issue of Martin’s continuing to live in the Institute’s basement”. So yep. The Institute hides the nerds in the basement. * I’m guessing that the tunnels that the Archive Team discovered are… sadly related to the ones created by Robert Smirke mentioned in MAG035 (Old Passages, the Harold Silvana case)…? As summarized by Jon, “These tunnels are a maze, and we don’t know where we are.” (MAG039). Martin also said about them:

(MAG040) MARTIN: […] It’s a, it’s a maze down there, Jon. I don’t know how far the passages go, maybe miles. I think it must be the old Millbank Prison, like Tim was saying before. I even found some stairs at one point, but I really didn’t want to go down them.

So the Institute is the tree and… it has roots. Deep, deeeeep roots. * There are least two mysteries lying underneath the Institute (unless it was the same room and Tim didn’t notice Gertrude’s corpse): the room that Tim saw (where worms behaved strangely, trying to make a doorway?), and the room that Martin saw.

(MAG040) TIM: No. I did see… uh, I mean, maybe… ARCHIVIST: What? TIM: No, it’s just… I think I was still gassed, and it was dark, but… I found a room. ARCHIVIST: Go on. TIM: I didn’t stay long, ‘cause it had a lot of worms in, and they weren’t acting like the others. They were sort of… wrapping around each other, like they were trying to form a… thing, like a structure or something. A ring. I was probably still out of my skull, and half-hallucinated the whole thing, but it looked like they were trying to make a doorway. ARCHIVIST: A doorway? Is it still there? TIM: No. I pumped two full extinguishers into that room. Nothing was getting out.

(Tim was almost chuckling at the end. Proud of himself for this, at the very least, uh.)

(MAG040) MARTIN: […] When I finally found a door, I thought it might actually get out, but instead… It was a small room. Square. There was dust on everything. Cardboard boxes were piled around. They were full of old cassette tapes. […] She was sat in a wooden chair in the middle of the room. No worms. No cobwebs. Just… an old corpse. Gertrude Robinson. She was slumped forward, but I could see her mouth hanging open.

The Tape Recorder(s)

* Season 1’s Q&A had a question about which sounds were canonical in the tapes (and mostly the status of music):

(S1Q&A) Alex: From sort of a directorial standpoint, I’ve always had it that the music is not part of the actual recordings…? Jonny: Yes. Alex: However, the tapes detect the distortions, the sound effects of things actually happening, the voices of the people […]. Jonny: Everything that you hear is on the actual tape within the world of the Magnus Archives, except the music.

Niiiiice /o/ … As a result, as mentioned above, I wonder if the tapes have the power to somewhat “translate” some sounds/voices?

(MAG039) TIM: Oh… PRENTISS: [Slowly intoning over worm sound] Do you hear their song?

(MAG040) TIM: […] [Prentiss] tried to say something, but I don’t know, I couldn’t really understand her through all the…

We listeners could hear her perfectly, but apparently, Tim couldn’t (while he was positioned close to the tape recorder, probably between it and Jane Prentiss). Is that it, do they have the power to translate/fix/catch the distortions? I’m also wondering what is the relation between the statements and the tape recorders: are there parts of the statements that described inhuman sounds, and that Jon read as they were written (and the tape recorders made them audible)?

* Jon used to dislike that tape recorder – but that’s not the case anymore.

(MAG033) ARCHIVIST: No. I don’t have time. I still have a mountain of haphazard statements to get through, not to mention that I need to keep this wretched tape recorder on hand – just in case I encounter one of the files too stubborn to work on anything else, and when I do, I have to actually– TIM (BACKGROUND): Oh, woah– ARCHIVIST: –read the damn thing, which is… TIM (BACKGROUND): –woah… woah!

(MAG039) SASHA: Why record it? ARCHIVIST: What? SASHA: Before, in the office. It, it was stupid going for the tape recorder like that, and then when you dropped it out there— ARCHIVIST: I said I was sorry. If I’d known Martin had another one stashed in here, I never would have… SASHA: No, it’s, it’s fine, just… I just don’t understand. I thought you hated the damn thing. You’re always going on about it. ARCHIVIST: I do! I did. I just… […]

“I did”, yIPS. But now, Jon is… I don’t think that saying “he’s grown fond of it” would be the right thing; it’s mostly that he polarized a lot of his actions around it? Keeping it running, keeping things recorded, is almost becoming his priority?

(MAG039) SASHA: What are you doing?! ARCHIVIST: Almost… SASHA: Leave it, it’s not— ARCHIVIST: I got it!

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: What, Sasha, NO! [DOOR OPENS] SASHA: Tim, look out! ARCHIVIST: Watch out for the tape—

(Aouch, for this last one ;;;; There were… other things to shout about…) It was to the point that when unable to stand up, he asked/ordered Martin to be His Eyes… and not even for him:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: Right. There we go. Martin, what do you see? MARTIN: Hm? What? ARCHIVIST: I can’t really stand up yet. I need you to describe what’s going on. For the record.

(MAG039) ELIAS: You [Sasha] did bring a tape recorder. I just thought Jon would appreciate as many supplementary recordings as possible. For the record.

(GUHUTGVHIBGH Elias’s “For the record” is him deliberately quoting Jon, isn’t it. They didn’t say it at the same time, since we couldn’t hear the Fire Alarm system yet when Martin and Jon were talking, while it was already on when Sasha and Elias were talking… So Elias’s was definitely after Jon’s and the same phrasing sure doesn’t sound like a coincidence and that’s terrible of him.) (You could also go “Awww cute! Elias is attentive to Jon's concerns!” I guess but.)

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: Martin, could you pass me the tape recorder? MARTIN: Sure. I think it’s running out, though. ARCHIVIST: Fine. I suppose I can turn it back on when we’re being eaten alive.

(MAG039) SASHA: [SPEECH IS ECHOED FROM THE ROOM AS SHE WALKS] [With some despondency in tone] Okay, Jon. I know you’ll want to know what’s been happening. If you’re still alive after this.

(I love Jon’s sarcasm better when it’s turned towards himself in self-depreciative/grim expectations =D) And of course, Jon was concerned that a valuable tape was lost:

(MAG040) ELIAS: […] I suggested [Sasha] turn the tape recorder on, largely so this sort of debrief wouldn’t be necessary. Did you not get the tape? ARCHIVIST: No. There was… some sort of problem. Sasha told me the tape was lost. ELIAS: Hm. […]

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: Right… Right. What about the tape? You had the tape recorder, the one I’d just recorded Mr. Ramao’s statement on. But when you gave it back, it was empty. NOT!SASHA: Yes, I dropped it a few times. The eject button must have been hit. I didn’t notice until you pointed it out. It’s probably around somewhere. Is it that important? ARCHIVIST: It’s important to me.

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: […] Some of my tapes are missing. Maybe it was Prentiss, but she seemed more interested in the written files, and the other tapes seem fine. There’s no sign of debris, or anything that would indicate they’ve been destroyed, but, in addition to the tape Sasha lost earlier, the tapes for cases 0051701 and 0160204 are gone. I don’t know why these two specifically, but I cannot trust anyone.

……………. I do understand (it’s tangible proof) but still… he’s not feeling comfortable with the idea of losing the tapes in particular… AND I ALREADY UNDERSTOOD WHY THESE TAPES IN PARTICULAR DISAPPEARED… The calliope case and Sasha’s encounter with Michael both had the original Sasha’s voice on them (+ obviously, the one in which she was killed and replaced). Strangely, though: Sasha also spoke on Martin’s tape recorder (when they were in the safe room) and Jon mentions that that one “survived just fine” – despite the fact that not!Sasha would have had plenty of time to dispose of it when she joined Tim’s and Jon’s bodies after Prentiss’s death. So did she do something to that last tape (but Jon hadn’t noticed yet at this point), or… is Jon, anyway, unable to listen to it again, since it hits too close to home? It contains his screams, his fears, his confessions about his stance about the supernatural and, of course, his encounter with Prentiss, and Jon is clearly traumatized by that last one. * I also wonder if Jon won’t prevent some tapes from circulating: the one from Martin’s tape recorder (MAG039), for the reasons mentioned just above, and the one from MAG040, since… Jon ended that one with his thoughts about Gertrude’s murder, and the fact that he “cannot trust anyone.” We learned thanks to Tim (MAG033) that students and researchers sometimes listen to the tapes, and so do the assistants, since they pointed out some of Jon’s mistakes, but maybe Jon will prevent that for new ones? It wouldn’t sound like a good idea to allow people to hear about it when one of them could be Gertrude’s killer. * And now, Martin has been shown using another tape recorder, too:

(MAG039) TIM: Why do you have a second tape recorder, Martin? MARTIN: Oh, um… well, I’ve been using it to record myself. I write poetry and I think the tapes have a sort of… low-fi charm.

Did he buy/bring it in himself, or did he find this one in the Institute? Jon had mentioned in the trailer that he had found the tape recorder he is using in the building (“I managed to unearth this old tape recorder from storage, and these cassettes, archaic as they may be, are still better than nothing.”), so there could have been a few still in shape. … And Martin mentioned that Gertrude’s body was surrounded by tapes (MAG040: “Cardboard boxes were piled around. They were full of old cassette tapes. […] She was sat in a wooden chair in the middle of the room.”), so WOOOOOOPS, looks. Like Gertrude was using them, too, and this is probably why there are so many cassette tapes in the Institute. But how did they proceed, before tape recorders were a thing? Did they have another way to separate bullshit statements from “real” statements?

Overall notes on episodes’ contents

* MAG034: Live-statement of Dr. Lionel Elliott about the peculiar seven students following his “Introduction to Human Anatomy and Physiology” class at London’s King’s College during the first semester of 2016: Erika Mustermann, Jan Novak, Piotr and Pavel Petrov, John Doe, Fulan al-Fulani and Juan Pérez. He isn’t able to remember anything about them since they were almost aggressively unnoticeable (“They all just looked so… normal. Unremarkable.”) They were curious about basic anatomy knowledge and also apparently learned to breathe, to get accurate bones and heartbeats through the course. Dr. Elliott avoided them as much as he could and still ended up pretty messed up by practical lessons, one involving skeletons and the other hearts dissection. At some point, he went to visit their house (they were all living together.) and heard “a muffled scream of pain came from somewhere deep inside the house. It sounded ragged, like whoever was crying out had been gagged.” He Didn’t Teach Them About The Liver and fled. At the end of semester, he found an apple and a handwritten note (“Thank you for teaching us the insides”); cutting the apple in half, he discovered “human teeth arranged in a smile”. According to Jon’s follow-up, those are “healthy adult teeth, and most of them appeared to come from different people”; he also mentions that the previous year, Dr. Rashid Sadana (teaching the “Anatomy, Physiology and Pathology for Complementary Therapies” course at St Mary’s University) ~committed suicide~ and left a note saying “NOT TO BE USED FOR TEACHING”.

………….. They Wanted To Learn. They were kinda cute in their own way. Terrifying, but also really eager to learn. They looked so out of things and totally following their own interests that it diluted a bit of the horror, it was almost comedic sometimes? Such as when Dr. Elliott when to their home and heard the screaming, it was almost… cartoon-ish. Horrible and poor guy who was inside, sure, but also so incongruous that it felt almost funny. (I didn’t catch on to Dr Elliott’s… quirky voice? because hollow laughers of ahaha-I’m-so-eff’d-up; I thought he was genuinely trying to alleviate the mood at first, being indulgent about the technology, throwing in little morbid references, but nop, it became more and more explicit that he was totally losing it. Oops.) I assumed that Dr. Rashid Sadana had been killed off by the Things because he was deemed a bad teacher (and that they had left the note to convey that no!! this one is bad!! and has a bad body!! give us a better teacher!!) but a friend mentioned that it could be that he got the class the previous year, committed suicide for real, and put the note to request that his corpse not be used in anatomy classes. Oopsies in both cases. (But I would assumed that he would have asked to get cremated or something, to escape the faint probability of being used as teaching material?)

Small things overall: the worms are getting more and more present, WOOPSIE (Dr. Elliott commented on the infestation). I liked Dr Elliott’s programme of his statement, which… set the mood (“Where do want me to start? The bones? The blood? The… uh… the fruit?”) and made you wonder how those things could tie together; his honesty about his, erh, lack of concern for them as a teacher (“I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, but I came to terms with the fact that I didn’t care if they passed any exams, and that actually made the whole affair more manageable. I just did my best to stop caring.”, “And I’d long since decided with this class, that if I couldn’t see or hear it, I didn’t care.”) but also booooo-ooooo, bad teacher! When Jon mentioned that “Juan Pérez’ is the generic name of choice in most Spanish speaking countries” Iiiiiii didn’t know this one (more used to “fulano”)? So idk if it’s my own lack of culture but it is listed on the English wiki, so I’m eyeing Jon hard since his linguistic researches (officially “a quick Internet search”) apparently consisted in consulting… Wikipedia of all things <3 That’s so shameful for a researcher. It was also interesting to have him and Jon interacting because 1°) An episode beginning with Jon going “Apologies for […]” to someone??? In my TMA episode??? It’s more likely than you think!!, 2°) The fact that Jon’s Ritualistic Procedures were not exactly understood by Dr Elliott and that he had to… orientate him a bit more (“[…] Statement begins.” “*silence* Now?” “Yes. Just start from the beginning.” “Right. […]”), it just made Jon’s little quirks sound so silly, 3°) As mentioned earlier, I’m still laughing at someone throwing a “Do I look like an idiot?!” at Jon because. Yeah, likely that for Jon, y’all idiots. But it was nice to see someone implying Jon’s question was super duper dumb =D

* MAG035: Harold Silvana about the underground tunnels he discovered during renovations taking place at the Reform Club located at 100 Pall Mall. During a night shift, together with Rachael Turley and Alfred Bartlett, they were joined by Gerard Keay, who was searching for (and smelling?) “Leitner’s pages” and destroyed a bit of the wall with a hammer (“I heard a scream, high-pitched, but it definitely didn’t come from any of us.”) that revealed a corridor. They went in, Alf(red) felt as though the corridors were getting “narrower” (but measuring it proved that it wasn’t the case). They reached a crossroads, with thirteen doorways (“There was one that, for all the world, it felt like I was going to fall into it. Another was so dark that our torches didn’t seem to reach more than a few feet inside.”) plus their own, and a datestone in the middle signed with Robert Smirke’s name. Gerard began running down one, Alf followed him; Rachel went back to get help, Harold followed Alf. He stumbled, at some point; Gerard ran back out holding a book, and Silvana kept seeing small bones, and discovered Alf’s dead body in a small room at the end of the corridor. He had trouble getting back out (had trouble remembering) but eventually managed. The Police was there, retrieved Alf’s body. Harold’s team had to reconstruct the wall and swear they wouldn’t dig deeper (ha.); Harold gave this statement to tell someone the truth about his coworker’s death.

So that was the Harold Silvana case mentioned by Sasha back in MAG034! My heart had screamed “Tim! Tim!” as soon as the statement began to mention architecture, and even more when they discovered the tunnels (and then Robert Smirke was even mentioned!). I was so glad to have confirmation that Tim worked on this one <3 There was a sort of… tender amusement? in Jon’s voice when he rambled about Tim’s reactions (“You should have seen Tim’s face when I told him.”). It was almost half of the post-statement and totally gratuitous, that was so cute from Jon! However, there was something a bit weird about Sasha’s research around Harold Silvana’s statement:

(MAG024) ARCHIVIST […]: I thought you were trying to get hold of those police reports for the Harold Silvana case? SASHA: Tried and succeeded. They were actually quite helpful.

(MAG035) Over the last three months Sasha has attempted to contact Mr. Silvana, Rachel Turley, the management of the Reform Club and any of the police officers involved. All of them flatly deny any of this ever took place.

… what she had said back then and what Jon concluded here didn’t really match, so…? (Or is it again a matter of Jon… withholding information at the time of the recording: the fact that the police is trying to cover it up could be perceived as a valuable information, although a very concerning one ^^’) I really liked this statement-giver’s voice; the way he gave off the feeling of being pretty objective about his work and what he’s doing (having to use fancy nouns (craftsman, artisan) to qualify what he does but being aware that he’s mostly a “builder”) while being pretty confident at the same time (“So yes, my services are expensive, but me and my team are worth every penny. And the sort of people I deal with, or should I say the sort of people whose personal assistants I deal with, can afford it. / I don’t have a company, per se. People hire me for me, and I have a small team I trust to help out with the work itself.”) – he’s working with Rich People but he’s not one of them, really conscious of money issues here and there, including when it could be a disservice to him (“We were given to understand that the police were handling the matter, and if we pursued it closer then we would not be getting any further work from members of the club. As this covers almost everybody who can afford our services, we complied. It makes me feel sick, though, like we’re just abandoning Alf, dishonouring his memory. It’s not even like he had any family to miss him, it just feels wrong. I guess, maybe, that’s why I’m talking to you.”) I really like that yes, he had his interests in mind, of course! that’s human! but also shared this story in the hope of… something being done for his friend’s memory, because he didn’t like that they had to silence the truth about his death.

This one statement managed to intertwine many familiar names. Jurgen Leitner, Gerard Keay (I was wondering if it was him since his first description; then he confirmed his name! and Jon was assuming that yeah, it was indeed Gerard Keay and not any Gerard), Robert Smirke. Gerard Keay (who, again, seems to be mostly involved when Leitner’s books are around?) seemed to be trying to protect bystanders in previous statements – Lesere Saraki in December 2011 (MAG012) and Dominic Swain in winter 2012 (MAG004) – but it wasn’t really the case here ;; Events from this one took place at least ten years before the other two (statement was given in June 2002), so did something happen inbetween, which prompted a shift? He was also portrayed as very young in this one (called “kid” and he answered about his mother when asked a question: “When we asked him how he knew what was behind that wall he just shrugged, and told us that his mother knows all about this stuff.”) … I’m especially laughing really hard at how Harold described Jurgen Leitner back in 1987, because? Y’know? With the collection of Evil Books, I was a bit thinking about a stern, sinister person, but Harold described a… lunatic? throwing a tantrum when builders wanted to respect Legal Procedures when he asked them to dig a hole in his office (“When we told him we’d need to confirm it with the commercial landlord, he got very defensive, told us that it was fine and he’d need to discuss it with some other contractors first. When we told him we’d just need to have a quick phone call with the owner, he started screaming that we didn’t understand what we were talking about, that he didn’t need to explain himself to the likes of us, and there were some things… that were too important… too powerful to be owned. Then he just started yelling at us in Norwegian until we left.”)

Cute things aside, WHAT WAS THAT ENDING……………. Worms being here (it answered a question I had about whether or not the worms were getting inside the building or only around), and it sounded like Another Friday (Jon was already used to it?), and there was a ~special delivery~ from ~two mysterious characters~ for Jon, although Martin was the one there for the reception. (The script spoiled me about Who Was Speaking; I… objectively know that I should pay attention to any mentions of a pair of delivery men, I did until now, but somehow I think I wouldn’t have thought of them in that exact moment. Somehow.) Also woopsies, the sound of worms… faded when B&H’s steps began to be heard (we could still hear the sound when Jon left, so he didn’t squash them). Did the worms… flee… at their approach…

* MAG036: Nicole Baxter, a funeral director/mortician, about the strange incidents happening in Ivy Meadows Care Home during mid-August 2011-or-2012. She was working in Baxter and Gordon Funeral Directors (in Woodley) – William Gordon had passed away 5 years prior, George Baxter (Nicole’s uncle) is currently running it alone, Nicole and her cousin Josh (George’s son) have been hired to help. One day, Nicole Baxter received a call from a nurse, Alenka Kozel, about one of Ivy Meadows’ thirtyish residents (Bertrand Miller) who got ill and passed away (“I asked her for a few more details; she started to say something else, but the call was cut off almost abruptly.”) When Nicole and Josh went, the place seemed smellier and dirtier than usual; the new director, John Amherst, was unsettling (Josh declined shaking his hand) and took a while before accepting to lead them to Bertrand Miller’s body. On their way, they didn’t see anyone else (“I thought I spotted one of the nurses at one point, but they had turned and walked away as soon as they saw us.”). John Amherst instructed that Bertrand Miller should get cremated and the ashes returned to Ivy Meadows, for a “private remembrance service”; when Nicole&Josh saw the body, they were appalled but he told them that “the disease that had claimed poor Mr. Miller wasn’t contagious”. A bit of Nicole’s skin was accidentally exposed despite her gloves, during the handling, and she touched the corpse; it kept feeling itchy afterwards. George Baxter had trouble believing them but ended up taking care of the matter (“He had us tell it to him one more time, before he nodded, told us to stay away from the corpse of Bertrand Miller, and left, telling us he had to make a few calls. I have never seen a cremation done with such a quick turnaround […].”) and refused to send the ashes back to the residence. Two weeks later, Nicole received another call from Alenka Kozel, who just repeated “Come quickly. We’ve taken ill. We’ve passed away.” Nicole decided to go back to the place: it was silent and felt even dirtier and ill. She heard a tapping sound and went around to the other side of the building: what remained of Alenka Kozel was tapping against the window. Nicole tried to flee, got tackled by a strange old man who was accompanied by a young woman; the pair decided to let her go. They apparently burned the place down. Nicole’s hand is Still Not Fine at the time of the writing. Post-statement reveals that she lost her left hand “in what she calls ‘a workplace accident’”; that Ivy Meadows had been officially decommissioned in July and burned down on September 4th due to a gas leak; that Bertrand Miller had died on July 19th according to his death certificate – one week before Ivy Meadows was decommissioned. No trace of a John Amherst anywhere.

(Statement was given in November of the same year, though, and it’s stated as 2012, while Jon is mentioning the year 2011 in his post-statement… so it looks like Mr “I’m not re-recording them” made more mistakes! =D)

My computer is still dying and loves to lag at the worst times because it did it once again (“There was nobody behind it, and I rang the bell. I always wore gloves when on a removal, and was glad of that fact now, as I noticed a /// greasy residue on top of the small brass bell.”), giving me a bonus jumpscare. I had been warned that it was a ~disgusting~ statement, but no, it was a very sad one??? A story about… out-of-the-loop people, isolated by their situations, who had managed to make a good place for themselves despise the circumstances (“Something about the mutual loneliness seemed to lead them to create a real sense of community. It was the only place I ever went where the residents still gave me a smile. […] It was just a happy place, even if I was only there to do a sad duty.”)… and they ended up getting caught, imprisoned and consumed (?) by some evil thingy ;; Nicole Baxter had described Ivy Meadows as “removed enough from main road that it stood alone”, “almost entirely populated by those elderly who were entirely supported by the state”, “Old people without money or family, sent to be looked after by strangers”, and Jon added in the follow-up that the records were disastrous, making it hard to pinpoint who was still living there at the time, and that the staff was mostly undeclared immigrant (“the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books”), so there was really this feeling that… something preyed on vulnerable people, who couldn’t fight back, and it was very, very sad. Jon himself didn’t exactly try to shoot this one down, he mostly highlighted the lack of physical proof in a way that was very neutral compared to his usual standards (he didn’t complain about people wasting his time or whatever), so it gave me the impression that he was a bit… gentler, towards these people who apparently suffered a great deal without anyone noticing, and who now can’t be remembered.

I liked Nicole’s tone! The first part of her statement was very aware and reflexive, she sounded very polite and neat overall? Not assuming that everyone would share her reasoning, so explaining her thought process in detail (“Fear is a strange thing, isn’t it? What you’re afraid of. […] There is one thing about dead bodies that does bother me, though. One thing that... eats at me, as it were, and does give me that sick tightness of fear deep in my gut. It is rot. […] That… the fear, the feeling. That tingling, squirming fear at the back of my mind […].”), before catching herself (“I’m rambling. Disregard this first page, I’ll start again.”), able to appreciate people and to throw in some dark humour here and there (“It feels odd to consider the fact that you will no longer exist some day, but you didn’t exist for billions of years before your birth, so, it doesn’t seem unreasonable to conclude that you will not exist afterwards in much the same way. I try to see life as a pleasant holiday from non-existence. It provides some comfort when the truth of my own mortality stares me in the face every day.”; “For a funeral director to say she has a favourite nursing home probably sounds a bit like the Grim Reaper talking about his favourite hospital, but it’s true.”). The self-awareness was still present at the time of her statement (“at that point we had no idea that there was anything wrong, but looking back it seems like we both felt there was something off about it. Or maybe we were just too hot for conversation and hindsight is colouring my memories.”) and there was a cautiousness about the way she dealt with her own memories that I found very pleasant. It sounds like George Baxter might have had an idea about what had happened, or at least had contacts who were able to provide some assistance/instructions about how to handle the body? Maybe we'll we hear about him again?

Nicole’s “I stood there, torn between wanting to flee and needing to know.” reminded me a bit of how Lesere Saraki had watched without doing anything (MAG012: Gerard Keay’s “Yes. For you, better beholding than the lightless flame.”) and, of course, Jon’s own declaration to Sasha (MAG026: “No. Whatever’s going on, I… need to know.”) Plus, there were two options later on (“I asked them what was going on, and the old man looked at his companion, as if asking permission, said something about knowledge being a good defence here. She shook her head and said that leaving quickly was a better one.”), so I really had the reflex to wonder about what Jon would have done instead, there. I’m not sure whether Alenka Kozel (the nurse) had tried to bait the statement-giver inside the residence, or was trying to get help – thinking at first that removing and disposing of the corpse would save them, in her first call, maybe? The first call had been cut short and John Amherst was apparently angry that someone had called for the morticians, so it sounded a bit as if… she had tried to do this in a last attempt (whether or not she was already contaminated herself), before getting caught and maybe prevented from interacting with Nicole when she went to retrieve the body. The second call sounded more like she had only vaguely kept  the reflex of How She Used To Human ;; (The residence was already illegal at this point, but I’m not sure if the staff knew about it when it happened… and then it was already too late for them, uh ;;) No idea about “Trevor”&the woman’s priority: granting the Ivy Meadows’ people an actual death to free them from their state? Trying to prevent the thing that had contaminated them from spreading further? Neutralizing John Amherst?

Small Jon Things: I found Jon’s tone especially funny when he reported the cross-checking (“We did contact the Baxters. Joshua Baxter repeated the first part of the above statement. George Baxter told us not to listen to tall tales. Nicole Baxter said she stands by her account […].”); I don’t know what is making me smile exactly in those repetitions, the… laconism, maybe? Also, when Tim interrupted him and asked if he could talk, Jon went from one voice to another (“Yes… Yes, I’m just about finished here, what is it?”): drowsy at first (although he had been more composed when acknowledging Tim’s entrance), then firmer, Usual Boss Jon Back At It. The contrast was nice <3 AND I’M SO GLAD TO HAVE HEARD TIM AGAIN!! Jon discovered that a lighter and a table had been delivered for him, is worried about the table, is going to ask more about it to Martin (“I need to talk to Martin. Uh, end recording.”: 1°) Yes, you always need to talk to Martin. Please, talk to Martin more. 2°) Jon probably moved a bit in his chair when he opened the drawer and/or talked with Tim, since there was a slight strain in his voice at the end, perfectly making you hear that he was extending his arm to reach the tape recorder and turn it off. Nice touch!)

… THERE WAS ONE THING SUPER STRANGE, and it is how. the. heckie. Jon managed to think about Trevor in the statement (“And the old man and his companion… who does that remind me of? If he wasn’t dead, I’d think it might have been Trevor—”). The only mention we had of him, afaik, was in MAG010 (Trevor’s own statement), so an internal POV, and Jon… thought about him despise the fact that it was an exterior description here? (And also despite the fact that Trevor apparently died the year prior.) And the only shared trait between Trevor in MAG010 and this mysterious man here is the accent from Manchester? So 1°) is it a matter of Jon once again withholding information, and knowing more about Trevor than what he said?, 2°) is it a matter of somethingsomething spooky happening, that allowed him to recognize someone because he’s read a first-person POV of the same person once?, 3°) … or did Jon forget to mention that he had seen pictures of Trevor? (MAG010: “So everyone around Manchester knows about Trevor the Tramp, sure. I hear someone even made me a page on the Internet and it got a few thousand likes. I don’t know exactly what that means but it sounds nice.” => Jon didn’t mention whether he checked that page, but should have been one of the first things to do.) Anyway, something was weird about that.

* MAG037: Jason North, about his discovery in the forest, near Loch Glass in Scotland. He found a clearing with trees that seemed deliberately arranged in a circle (they must have been planted at least fifty years ago), with a stone in the middle serving as a chair or an altar, with scorch marks on the ground. First weird thing happened when he entered the clearing: he got suffocatingly hot and his bottled water boiled his throat, making him collapse for a while. He noticed dead animals at the edge of the clearing, that looked like they were all badly sunburned – either they all were at the same time, either they were preserved in this state somehow. Iron nails were planted on the trees, suspending old milk bottles thanks to strings that “seemed far cleaner and newer than the bottles or their contents”. The content of the bottles varied (“some had pine needles and twigs, some were full of dirt, and one or two even held what appeared to be rainwater”) but all had, inside, the photograph of an old lady and a lock of hair (“grey, in poor condition”). While trying to take a picture, he accidentally dropped a bottle, which shattered on the ground; he knew he had done something very bad and fled, taking the picture with him. His car burned on the way home; his home (and his wife) burned during the week. He wants to save his son, Ethan. (Follow-up explains that, seven years later, the son is still alive; Jason immolated himself three days after giving his statement.)

Beginning of the episode had the discussion between Martin&Jon (about the deliveries for Jon) that was announced at the end of the previous episode… and it was more of an interrogation, really. I wanted to hear Martin again but not!! like!! this!! Jon, you’re going back to MAG022, ie not deserving Martin’s existence :[ How dare you pressure and be so cutting towards him!! How many times did Martin have to repeat himself before Jon launched the tape recorder ;; (And only because in the end, Jon wanted a trace of Martin’s version. Friendship ended with… well, nobody, but Tape Recorder Is Jon’s Best Friend Anyway, now.)

About the statement in itself: LOOK, I was already sad for the dude in MAG035 (the fact that the cause of his death was kept silent), I was sad that the isolated elderly and immigrant workers in MAG036, and now this??? I’m not spooked, just incredibly SAD????? I was the most heartbreaking one that I ever heard so far????? T________T 1°) It’s not the first one, but I have a Weakness for a character being well aware that they made a mistake, or at least did something that they shouldn’t have done… but Jason was also aware that he was also suffering from a very cruel and disproportionate retribution and aouch aouch aouch… (“I’m sorry. I know. There’s no-one to blame but my own stupid self. Blundering in where I had no right to go. […] For everything it’s done to me, I didn’t really do anything at all. Just messed around in the wrong clearing. […] I didn’t need to enter the clearing. But I did. […] The moment I crossed that threshold I knew I had made a mistake. […] I’ve always been too curious for my own stupid good. […] God knows I should have just left; it’s not like there weren’t plenty of warning signs. I just chose not to pay attention. […] and instantly I knew that I had meddled with something I should have left alone. […] I shouldn’t be in this mess. It’s absurd. I didn’t do anything wrong. I just dropped a bottle. That’s all! I don’t deserve this. I don’t.”)

2°) … he turned towards the Institute for help while… suspecting that they wouldn’t help. He is right, I guess? The Institute will never move a finger to help, that’s not its function, it’s here to… watch people burn (and other things, but “burn” fits, here)………..

3°) … and it wasn’t even help for himself only, it was for his son!!! And he just loves his son so much and you could hear it and T___T (“I just need to know if you can save my son. […] If I’m scared I’m going to lose Ethan like I lost everything else, then I’ll curl into a ball and never get up. I won’t be able to do anything to stop it. I won’t let my son burn, even if you cowards don’t have the guts to step up and do something. […] I didn’t mind being alone, though, because I knew I had my little boy Ethan waiting for me back at home. Four years old and already sharp as anything. And my wife Lucy. She used to be waiting for me as well. […] Now there’s only one thing I have left that I value. That I love. And I cannot lose him. I can’t lose Ethan.”). His job used to have to do with protecting animals (“Do you know what a pine marten is? It’s a wee bear. An adorable wee bear that needs to be protected.”), and the two were resonating strongly, and he had seen those scorched animals and he was fearing for his son and it’s just. The parallel was awful?! ;;

4°) I… found Jon overly emotional compared to his usual self, and it was subtle, mostly having to do with his way of delivering information: he began the follow-up with the mention that the little kid is still alive (“He didn’t, in the end. Lose Ethan, that is. Ethan North is currently a healthy eleven-year-old boy living with a loving foster family in Inverness.”) and… it gave me the impression that it was indeed the Most Important, that needed to be said – as if, in a way, it was to bring comfort to Jason, to convey that information to him posthumously? Jon didn’t need to put reassuring adjectives (“healthy”, “loving”) but he did, because he deemed that important. And gods ;; The rest of the follow-up, explaining that Jason North had apparently immolated himself just three days after giving the statement (“There’s no reason to believe that when Jason North doused himself in petrol on August the 10th 2009, then lit himself on fire, he was doing anything other than acting out the delusions of a paranoid alcoholic.”) was so… unconvincing, and Jon himself sounded unconvinced by what he was saying, that it made it clear that yes, the Institute did nothing; that yes, Jason North killed himself in the end to protect his son from whatever curse was pursuing him. So the follow-up was… giving me the impression that Jon was trying to communicate to Jason that yes, he did it, he had managed, he had succeeded in saving his son in the end (or at least, that it can be said and known that Jason did it). Jon’s voice was also less firm than usual, he was a bit softer and slower. Could be the tiredness, could also be because it was… simply a sad story. (Span of guilt, maybe, too, on the Institute’s behalf? The fact that Jason was desperate for help and didn’t receive any, just got told to write his story… without any compensation?, should sting a bit.) I had guessed that the picture was probably Gertrude’s ;; So what happened? Was it a ritual to try to kill her off, or something she did to neutralize some evil spooky powers from another cluster? Jon Couldn’t Anymore, at least (“I have no idea what this means. I have no idea what any of this means. I’m very tired.” with his voice drifting, he sounded like he was on the verge of dropping from his chair, eyes already closed and overall… very vulnerable.)

* MAG038: Andre Ramao, about an old vase and the disappearances of items around him. He is in the antiques business, used to have a shop, has been facing financial difficulties and ended up buying from Mikaele Salesa (who has a shady reputation legality-wise) in March 2012. Andre bought cavalry sabres from the Revolutionary War, a British artilleryman’s tunic from World War I, some more items. He got a crush on an old Chinese pot from the Jiajing period (“the blue glaze was painted on in crisp, thin geometric lines. They repeated perfectly and seemed to get smaller and more intricate the closer I looked, but the shapes they formed never lost any of the precision, seeming to continue on however closely I looked. The effect was disorientating, and made the vase seem smaller than it actually was. It made my head hurt a bit when I looked at it for too long. It was amazing.”), ended up buying it. However, later, when he received the invoice, the vase wasn’t listed: he contacted Salesa, who didn’t believe that he had ever owned the vase, asked for a few pictures, was suspicious (scared?) overall, and told Andre to keep it. Items then began to disappear around Andre: a pair of polished shoes, then a signed copy of Catch-22 that he held dear, etc. – including items bought from Mikaele Salesa, who, when called, answered that he had never sold these items to him (and they had indeed disappeared from the invoice). His husband David was beginning to get really worried, not remembering the items and thinking that Andre needed medical help. A month before giving his statement, Andre fell asleep in front of the vase (“I don’t remember my dream. Running, maybe?”), woke up seeing the missing items (and more) falling out from the vase; then, “the pale shapes of long, thin fingertips begin to creep above the lip of the pot” and he ran away. When he came back, David was gone, and so was the vase. According to Andre’s landlord, he has always lived alone. (The beginning of the post-statement reveals that, although the second name is blank, there is a marriage licence attesting that Andre was indeed married to someone.) Jon is cut short in his follow-up by the sight of an Unholy Creature (a spider on the wall), smashes it, makes shelves collapse, gets Sasha’s attention (and chuckles), causes a dent in the wall, discovers (many?) worms and screams at Sasha to run away.

I was thinking that this one might break the stream of Statements That Make Me Sad, and I was indeed pretty neutral at first despite the fact that it sounded right away like it wasn’t just a punctual spooky event but an ongoing thing, a bit like a curse (like last statement); from the get-go, the narrator sure didn’t sound like he was having a good time, but he was also able to crack a few jokes (“We haggled a bit, and eventually reached a price I considered only a little bit unreasonable.”, “[Mikaele Salesa] asked me if I’d had a chance to try out the sabres yet, which I’m pretty sure was a joke.”), so it couldn’t be that bad? And then, there was His Problem, the escalation from innocuous items to the book that was precious to him, and the mention that he was married to a man, the fear of being gaslighted/going crazy (“My perceptions are the only ones I can trust. Maybe. I don’t know.”, “For a while I thought he was actually trying to gaslight me, make me think I was losing my mind”), and now it wasn’t a book but the love of his life who disappeared, and there is no trace of him left, no proof that they were married… (“David was gone. I allowed myself some brief hope that maybe he’d just left me, maybe he’d escaped with just a divorce. But no. One call to the housing association confirmed that, as far as they were concerned, I’d always lived alone.”). LISTEN, that was… incredibly upsetting to think about, for a queer couple?! To think that his husband disappeared and that nobody would remember that they were married, to think that the person he loved was just erased like this…? (I mean, yeah, it wouldn’t have been funny for a straight couple either! But for a queer couple… there is the added heartbreak of people who maybe had to fight a bit to get to their current life, who were probably used to have people around them denying who they were, that they had a bond, that they were a couple – and here, one of them got erased out of existence…) (And it’s Tim who found the marriage certificate!!! Must have been super sad for Tim…) I wouldn’t have remembered the “Salesa” name from MAG014 if Jon hadn’t mentioned ~ case #0112905~! Also dealt with antiques, was also shady, except not alone back then. Andre mentioned some books (“several crates packed to the brim with heavy-looking volumes”) ssssso maybe he’s also hoarding some Leitners? Jon was pretty neutral for a follow-up, and he insisted pretty clearly that Andre Ramao had been married, so ;; Good. But given that his speech was interrupted by the spider, we don’t know if Andre Ramao is still alive or if they managed to contact him again.

… I’m still putting my hands on my face over the fact that 1°) after MAG016 and the “ghost spider”, Jon still thinks it’s a good idea to smash spiders (you’re so getting haunted, dude, and it will be karma for upsetting Martin), 2°) THAT HE DID IT IN WHAT IS BASICALLY MARTIN’S CURRENT HOUSE, 3°) that he dared to complain about Martin’s recriminations (“Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem.”). I myself really don’t like spiders but LISTEN! If there is a kind soul that would be ready to get the spider out, you take this opportunity and you send them to their dea- to their duty. THAT ENDING… I was expecting the season finale to probably span two episodes, didn’t expect for things to go south already at the end of this one x’) The wall is not an exterior wall but a fake wall with… things crawling inside or behind. Welp. At least, we’re beginning to know how worms were getting in.

* MAG039: Worms Apocalypse. Tape Recorder 1 (the same as from MAG038): Jon trying to retrieve the tape recorder in the middle of the worm infestation; Martin arriving, beginning to use the fire extinguishers; the three of them running… and Jon losing the tape recorder. Tape Recorder 2 (Martin’s): Sasha, Jon and Martin in the sealed room. Jon gets at least one worm (painfully) removed thanks to Martin’s corkscrew, has trouble standing up. Jon explains that he doesn’t want to die as a “mystery”, hence the obsessive recording (“Whoever takes over from me is going to know exactly what happened.”) and makes a distinction between “real” statements and everything else – he pays more attention to the statements that don’t record digitally. Outside of the room, it looks like the worms have receded a bit; Tim comes back from his lunch; Jane Prentiss is approaching; they try to warn him but he can’t hear them; Sasha decides to barge in (out) to save Tim. Tape Recorder 1: Tim “Joe Spooky” finds the tape recorder lying on the floor and shamelessly pokes fun at Jon; Sasha jumps on him and they struggle a bit. Sasha grabs the tape recorder. Tape Recorder 2: Martin and Jon, now alone in the sealed room, hypothesise about Tim’s survival chances – they’re low, but Martin had a secret stash of fire extinguishers hidden in the office. Jon doesn’t think it was necessary to hide them, since the worms can’t have a consciousness. Martin gets mad at him about the scepticism (they’re supernatural!), Jon defends himself and confesses that he does believe the ~real~ statements but was afraid to state it, since he always felt watched during the recordings. Meanwhile, Prentiss is vomiting into some boxes. Jon wants to know why Martin is still working here; Martin admits that he has thought about quitting but didn’t in the end. Jon misinterprets his wording as Martin being a ghost. Tape Recorder 1: Sasha found Elias, after having activated the fire alarm (urging people to evacuate). ELIAS REVEALS THAT JONATHAN “I don’t allow ignition sources in my archive!” SIMS USED TO BE A SMOKER. Elias explains that until now, he had been a bit dismissive of their fears of the worm-things. The carbon dioxide system used to regulate fire hasn't turned on, however, since there isn’t any real fire; they go to activate it manually. Tape Recorder 1: Something is banging on the wall of Jon&Martin’s room. Turns out to be Tim, alive (yay!) and high on CO2 (YAY!): he found the fire extinguisher, and also secret tunnels, and also is totally out of it. They decide to try to go through the tunnels, since there are less worms there. Tape Recorder 2: Sasha is in the Artefact Storage, having gotten separated from Elias by a “wave of worms”. She explains that she used to work there, at first, and that she hates the place. She notices the Fucking Table that was delivered a few episodes ago, then sees something and addresses the thing. She screams. Something repeats some of her last words (“Hello? I see you.”) Tape Recorder 1: Tim and Jon are in the tunnels; they lost Martin (or Martin left them behind), and the tunnels don’t sound like a great idea anymore due to the worms’ aggressive behaviour. Tim is going to open a trapdoor, hoping it doesn’t lead them back to the Archives. Tim opens it: apparently, it does – there is Jane Prentiss. Indication that the situation is catastrophic: Jon says “Shit.”

I’m a stupid silly brat, but I really had to pause, 2’30 in, to just… shake it off and laugh (I was in tears). Jon having the worst priority and risking everything for the tape recorder because OF COURSE? (Jon, no.) Jon shouting orders for Martin to do things but being at a loss about where to go or how to take initiative? (Not holding yourself to your own standards, uh? =D) Martin’s frantic “I don’t see her! I don’t see her! I don’t see her!” while spraying CO2 everywhere. (He… probably had his eyes closed at this moment, wasn’t he.) The “[RUNNING, PURSUED BY WORMS]” which was just… Beautiful. The fact that we jumped to the worm extraction, and yes, that moment was chilling (Jon… screaming. Gg. Gg. Aesthetic.), but also immediately followed by Sasha commenting about how disclaimer: Contrary To Some People, I Have Not Been A Softie!!, because Priorities, with Jon coming back from Painland just to bite back about how He Obviously Got It Worse So It Can’t Be Compared because PRIORITIES. And the reveal that they have used a corkscrew, that Martin had been hoarding a corkscrew, and Sasha’s immediate reaction being to ask if he was basically partying in the Archives (picture Jon’s horrified&murderous face here, probably). Martin explaining his reasoning, followed by the biggest pause ever perfectly conveying the Stares and the Judging, before Martin tried to defend himself (“Look, you guys got to go home every day, okay.”) At this point, I was losing it from laughter. Yes, the situation is dire! Yes, bad stuff happening! But rfidjnrfdcuhjn they were all adorkable at the same time. Silly idiots. Just. Those three’s priorities. (Sasha: to explain that she takes pain better than Jon / Jon: to explain that no, it’s because Sasha was bad at removing his worm / Martin: justifying why he had been clinging for dear life to a corkscrew for the past months.) And silly urban posh idiots – who somehow never… ever… considered… a tick remover… for worms… (or even tweezers!!!). The three of you have never set one toe in the countryside ever, have you. (I’m really, really losing it over how nobody thought about using a tick remover.)

I think I gushed extensively over many things from this episode already, so I’m going to stick to the basic facts: I had seen fanarts of smoking!Jon, I had assumed it was for the Aesthetic of it (which. Indeed. Noice.), but I was… not prepared… to learn it this way (=> because Elias made a quick comment about it, and the way he delivered that information). That said, FUCK YOU ELIAS RE: WHAT HAPPENED TO SASHA (I’m even more upset given how Sasha… quickly mentioned that she was aware that Elias was a bit too suspiciously shady, being too good at changing the subject when it’s apparently touchy, and ahahaha, she’s the first one to die, right after… discussing and rushing with Elias. How convenient.) It was really action-packed and all the dialogues were great, damniiit! The way tension and laughs were mixed together, with the delivery of information, and how… yes, finally, we got to get a glimpse of Jon himself during the crisis!! Aaaaand the fact that Sasha died… raised the stakes, I guess: because this one thing means Changes and means that no, definite and bad things can also happen… even when we think that the worst is behind. (I have heard of some of the Many Awful Things to come. But this was the first incidence of something terrible and definitive happening: Martin had made it out alive in MAG022, so did Sasha in MAG026, Jon’s worm was removed at the beginning of this episode, and so far, they had managed to avoid them… But Sasha didn’t escape the table.) (And then, the worms got Tim and Jon. But it’s pretty ironic that, in the end, Jane Prentiss, who was set up as the season’s antagonist… didn’t manage to kill any of them, while The Table did.)

* MAG040: Worms apocalypse – The Follow Ups. Jon got out of quarantine and is on painkillers, and refuses to go home until he has the staff’s individual statements about their whereabouts during the invasion. Elias is not happy about Jon’s stubbornness, confirms that Jane Prentiss is dead and burned (he watched.), but ultimately relents. - Elias was in his office when the fire alarm was activated. He began to evacuate, was joined by Sasha, who explained that she was the one responsible for the fire alarm and that the others were currently trapped in the Archives, attacked by worms. They went to activate the fire suppression system manually, got separated by a tidal wave of worms. Elias took another road, activated the system alone after a while, called the fire department, an ambulance and a contact at the ECDC that had worked on a Jane Prentiss case before, and went down to the Archives. Sasha was already there, with Jon’s and Tim’s bodies – in bad shape. Jon and Tim were taken away, Jane Prentiss was being prepared for disposal, when Martin came back through the trapdoor, saying that he had found a body. Jon asks Elias about Gertrude Robinson’s death, and Elias begrudgingly answers: on 15th March 2015, he had come down to the Archives, discovered lots of blood on her desk; the police confirmed it was hers and that a human body couldn’t have survived such an injury. The police took over the case, and Elias appointed Jon as the new archivist. - Tim is out of quarantine and dead inside: his joke about “itching” led to more tests, hence the fact that he came out after Jon. Tim recalls how, after lunch, when he came back to the archives, he discovered the tape recorder on the ground: Jane Prentiss appeared, Sasha tackled him, they struggled a bit and he told her to go get help. He ran to take shelter into the office but discovered more worms and the hole in the wall. He found the CO2 canisters, used them a lot, went into the tunnels – and has some trouble remembering details from then on, because of respiratory acidosis. He avoided the few (fast) worms he met, wandered a bit until he heard Martin’s and Jon’s voices and demolished some plasterboard and that’s when they got reunited. Tim is not sure, but he also thinks that he recalls a room in which worms were forming a sort of ring, or a doorway. He killed them with CO2. - “Sasha” quickly explains that she saved Tim, fled, activated the alarm, went to Elias, got separated from him, retreated in the Artefact Storage room. She heard Prentiss’s scream when the fire system got activated, and saw that the worms died. She went back to the Archives, discovered Tim’s and Jon’s bodies, still alive but barely, dragged them to a place with more air and began to remove the worms. Elias joined her with the people he had contacted; Sasha explained what had happened and waited with Elias. One or two hours afterwards, they heard shouts, and Martin came back from the trapdoor, saying that he had found Gertrude’s body. Elias called the police at this moment. Jon asked about the whereabouts of the tape she had on her: Sasha says that it probably got ejected one of the times the tape recorder fell. - Martin is tired, got interrogated by the police. He feels guilty that he left Jon and Tim back in the tunnels, insists that it was an accident, is not fine about it; Jon calms him down. Martin describes how he got lost in the tunnels, until he found Gertrude’s body, sat on a chair with boxes of tapes around. He ran away and managed to find the trapdoor, in the end. He doesn’t think that he will be able to find the place again. Jon pressures him to know how Gertrude died: Martin finally confesses that he saw three bullet wounds in her chest. - Gertrude was shot and it terrifies Jon. He thinks that she had managed to learn a secret behind the statements, and that that's why she was murdered. He notes that some of his tapes are now missing, and that he won’t trust anyone around him – but that he’s going to uncover the mysteries.

I screamed a lot about this one in the character sections, so I’ll try to be quick (ha). I… loved it… so much… the way Jon behaved differently with everyone… the way the information was distilled (slowly making us understand that Martin had found a body, that it was Gertrude’s body, the fact that we finally heard the whole story from Martin’s mouth at the end)… I’m weeping at Jon towards the end, because obviously, NOOOOOOO DON’T D: (It’s very close to the feeling of excitement you can get when a character usually announces that he will go on an adventure, or go after a mystery… but here, it’s not coming with joy. It’s Jon going deeper into something that is likely to hurt him, and he doesn’t sound like he’s doing with a happy vibe, but with fear and dread. And he’s going alone. And Aouch.)

* Season 1’s Q&A

… It’s making me feel very very weird to call People Behind The Show by their first names like they’re old friends when I’m a newcomer and I’ve been listening for uuuuuuuuuuh 8 weeks but apparently that what the fanbase does s o…

- Laughed hard about Jonny explaining that they got asked a lot whether his/Jon’s accent was fake (“I go a little bit dryer, a little bit more…” “Academic.” “Academic, yes, for Jonathan, but it is my real voice.”: that was very charitable from you two, you could have said “more stuck-up and haughty” for Jon because the difference was jarring =D and he’s giving academia a bad name.), but

Alex: Funnily, no one asked if all the other characters’ voices are real. Jonny: No, apparently they, they sound– Alex: Human. Jonny: –they sound genuine […].

- … I didn’t know that Jonny had planned from the start that the series would be 5 seasons-long bUT I LOVE IT!!!

Jonny: Then I crafted the ending… as in, the ending of season 5. I hate series that don’t have an end goal. […] And since then, aspects of the end have shifted slightly with the writing – because they always do – but I still know where it’s going.

- … and I love how, in the same breath, it’s also very down-to-earth.

Jonny: A couple of the episodes which are… dream-like in tone because they were written to be dream-like, others are a bit dream-like in tone because it was very late at night when they were written.

- Preparation for an episode:

Jonny: Obviously, I've been fasting for a few days to purify the blood. […] To be honest, largely it involves just reading down a few paragraphs in the Archivist’s voice, to get my head in the right space for actually reading it.

- Alex’s Sufferings laid in the multicast recording episodes because directing challenges! =D

Jonny: [They were] easily the most complicated. Alex: Ooooh yeah. Jonny: Because we were doing an actual audio drama rather than an audiodrama-esque anthology series.

- Question about “Are there any Magnus Bloopers? Has Jonathan Sims ever laughed, ever?”

Jonny: No. No. Alex: *undignified laughter* Jonny: No, I laugh a lot. Alex: *BURSTS OUT LAUGHING* Jonny: I laugh uproariously. Some might say that I laugh too much. Alex: Not many. Jonny: No, no, I've never actually heard it, but I assume they say it.

(From the production side, though, Alex said they won’t release the bloopers any time soon “because they’re a bit of a mood-killer” :( So we’re getting killings and our happy mood getting repeatedly hurt, but still no bloopers.)

Jonny: Also, I’m very sweary in real life.

LET JON SAY “FUCK”!!! (Though yeah, Jon’s “Shit.” was… earned.) … But it’s also having to do with itunes’ ratings, ooooh.

Jonny: No rude words. I could say ‘BOMBS’ maybe… Alex: *laughs* Jonny: … but I won’t.

(I KNOW ABOUT TIM :[[[[[[)

- … Alex, what did you DO to pasta. (About the SFX for the Hive)

Alex: I won’t tell people how we make the worms sound, but it just involves A LOT of pasta. LOTS AND LOTS of pasta. Jonny: Deeeeliiiicious screaming pasta.

- Status towards fanbase is LOVE, main emotion is “gratifying” and oooh, reminds me a bit of Ryuukishi07’s stance: Jonny said he was lurking (~keep an eye on~, said twice.) to check some people’s specific opinions, because they tended to pick up on things (and if they didn’t, it meant that Jonny should insist on them). … And also, about the mistakes that had been spotted (I’m guessing this is what prompted the beginning of MAG033 with Tim? =D), “It’s actually fair.” (and Jonny compared to getting someone pointing out your mistakes during a final exam), because it is a ~Mystery~ so you’re supposed to get the tools to understand things! … so yeah, all the comparisons between TMA and Umineko (insert here discussions/debates from the canon about Mystery/Fantasy/Anti-Mystery/Anti-Fantasy/Without Love It Cannot Be Seen) still totally stand /o/

- We’re keeping the “regular” formula /o/

Jonny: Generally, as the series goes on, there will be more of that [like end of season 1/more live-actions things]; at its core, it will still remain one episode = one statement = one story.

- Biggest challenge in season 2?

Jonny: Balancing horror and mystery.

(Because there is The Power of the Unknown at the beginning of series, so it’s easier, so the biggest challenge would be to balance the “unknown and story while at the same time providing enough answers to the mystery”; giving answers but not everything; and we’re getting promised that some things will stay hidden. YEP UMINEKO ALL OVER AGAIN YAAAAAASSSSS!!!)

- Alex commented about “Jonny’s sultry tones” so is there a competition going on with Ben (and others) about who’s getting the Sultriest voice.

Alex: And weee look forward to seeing you again for season 2! Jonny: See you then :)

I’M NOT SMILING AT THAT LAST ONE :[

Actualization on current main threads:

- Jon & Injuries I DID GATHER that Jon has been collecting injuries by the end of season 3, so I’m keeping track of them. * MAG039: bitten by at least one worm towards the beginning (“Did you get it?”), maybe more, and it was on his leg:

(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: I can’t really stand up yet. […] MARTIN: Can, can you walk, Jon? ARCHIVIST: No, I can limp.

* MAG040: at the end of the previous episode, encountered Jane Prentiss, and it went… badly, so currently covered in holes/scars. And so is Tim.

- Oh So Many Red Flags for Gertrude * MAG037: during the summer of 2009, Jason North discovered a clearing with scorch marks, with trees in a circle. Bottles were suspended, each containing a picture of Gertrude (“An old woman, probably in her fifties or sixties, wearing reading glasses and grey hair curled into a tight bun. She stared out disapprovingly from every bottle.”). Jon dates the picture as “circa 2002 as best I can tell.” * MAG039, Jon: “I still don’t know what happened to Gertrude. Officially she’s still missing, but Elias is no help and the police were pretty clear that the wait to call her dead is just a formality.” (… Revealing that it wasn’t a clear death, contrary to what we had been told until then. In MAG011, Jon had reported that Elias “simply said she had passed away and not to worry about it overmuch. Actually, now I think about it, his exact phrase was that she ‘died in the line of duty’, which I had assumed meant having a stroke at her desk or something similar”.) * MAG040: according to Elias, on the 15th of March 2015, she disappeared and a lot of blood was discovered at her desk – the Police did confirm that it was hers, and Elias appointed Jon as her successor. At the end of MAG039’s events, Martin discovered her body when he was lost in the tunnels:

(MAG040) MARTIN: […] When I finally found a door, I thought it might actually get out, but instead… It was a small room. Square. There was dust on everything. Cardboard boxes were piled around. They were full of old cassette tapes. […] She was sat in a wooden chair in the middle of the room. No worms. No cobwebs. Just… an old corpse. Gertrude Robinson. She was slumped forward, but I could see her mouth hanging open.

She was shot three times in the chest. Jon believes that someone from the Institute murdered her, because she had put her finger on something hidden under the statements.

- FEAAAARRRRS … It sounded superfluous to pay attention to this since “it’s a podcast about fear and about gods/Entities related to fears” was something I knew even before beginning to listen, but at this point, Jon is beginning to understand that the way people experience fear(s) is relevant, so! I want to keep track of the steps, now (/but I’m also too lazy to go back) (for now): * MAG032, Jane Prentiss’s statement: “You must understand, it sings so sweetly, and I need it, but I am afraid. […] The song is loud and beautiful and I am so very afraid.” * MAG033, Carlita Sloane’s statement: “[Sean Kelly] didn’t talk any more than the others, but he also didn’t go around with that blank look on his face. He looked scared.” * MAG035, Harold Silvana’s statement: “[Alfred Bartlett] was dead. I couldn’t see any injuries on him. He didn’t even seem hurt. But looking at how still he lay there, the terrified, awful expression frozen on his face, there was no chance he was alive.” * MAG036, Nicole Baxter’s statement: “Fear is a strange thing, isn’t it? What you’re afraid of. For most people, a corpse is at the least unnerving and, for some, outright terrifying. Or maybe it’s disgust. They are two very different feelings, aren’t they? Though they often bleed into each other, if you’ll pardon the pun.” MAG036, Jon: “Still, there’s a lot here that puts me in mind of other statements. Something in the way Ms. Baxter talks about fear. I can’t help but be reminded of statement 0142302, how Jane Prentiss talks about her own fears.” * MAG037, Jason North’s statement: “I’ve been drinking. […] Only way to keep the fear from settling in. If I’m scared I’m going to lose Ethan like I lost everything else, then I’ll curl into a ball and never get up.”

- Fractals Geometrical patterns YES ALRIGHT, that’s a lot of mysterious items/obsessions with geometric patterns here and there, so *squints* * MAG003: Amy Patel described The Table (currently at the Institute, forwarded to Jon) as “an “ornate wooden thing, with a snaking pattern of lines weaving their way around towards the centre. The pattern was hypnotic and shifted as I watched it, like an optical illusion. I found my eyes following the lines towards the middle of the table, where there was nothing but a small square hole.” Tim confirmed the “Fascinating design on it.” (MAG036) * MAG008: Ivo Lensik’s father suffered from schizophrenia (or did he.), went recluse to dedicate his life to his ~work~: “fractals. He became obsessed with them, seemed to spend all of his time drawing them, staring at them, measuring the patterns they created. He would talk to me for hours about the maths behind them and tell me that he was on the verge of a great truth. He was going to shake mathematics to its foundations once he figured out this truth, hidden in those cascading fractal patterns.” He was found “in a pool of blood, with deep gouges along his wrists and arms. […] The inquest ruled his death a suicide, although the coroner wasn’t able to identify the tool that had made the cuts on his arms or why he had such a look of fear on his face.” * MAG038: Andre Rameo’s vase was described with “blue glaze was painted on in crisp, thin geometric lines. They repeated perfectly and seemed to get smaller and more intricate the closer I looked, but the shapes they formed never lost any of the precision, seeming to continue on however closely I looked. The effect was disorientating, and made the vase seem smaller than it actually was. It made my head hurt a bit when I looked at it for too long. It was amazing.” … And Ivo Lensik’s father had told him that “someone was following him, told me that they were planning to stop his work. I asked him who it was but he shook his head violently and said I’d know him when I saw him because ‘all the bones are in his hands’.” (MAG008), which is… the way Not!Sasha described Michael (MAG040: “Yes, Michael… With the bones in his hands. We still don’t know much about him, do we?”), unlike Sasha, who had noticed the big hands but not described them in these words. So. The death of Ivo Lensik’s father sounds quite likely to be related to Michael, and it seems that Not!Sasha had heard about him/it? (… Sasha tended to say “it”.)

- Worms * They tend to go inside the building by MAG034:

(MAG034) ARCHIVIST: Well… quite. Now, if you’d be so good as to— DR. ELLIOTT: You know you have an infestation, don’t you? ARCHIVIST: Excuse me? I’m not sure— DR. ELLIOTT: Yes, little, grey, maggot things. I saw a few on the way in. Don’t recognise the species, but I’d say you need to get the exterminators in here. Gas the little blighters. ARCHIVIST: You saw them? You weren’t bitten were you? DR. ELLIOTT: Bitten? They’re worms. Still, I’ll admit I didn’t like the look of them. I reckon the sooner you get someone in to kill them dead, the better. ARCHIVIST: We’ve tried, believe me.

* … Sometimes popping up in the Archives as of MAG035, given that at least one appear(s) near Jon and that he already sounded a bit used to the procedure to exterminate them (“Martin, where did you put the rest of the extinguishers? Martin!”). * There. A lot of them, hidden by plasterboard-that-wasn’t-an-exterior-wall at the end of MAG038. * The main characters of MAG039, apparently synched with Jane Prentiss or something since they all died when she/it did. Had the time to scar Tim and Jon, probably forever.

- Spiderrrrrs * MAG008: in late 2006, Ivo Lensik discovered the box that apparently goes inside The Table: it contained a green apple that immediately rotted and split, freeing hundreds of spiders; Ivo then “smashed it with a crowbar and threw the remains into a skip”. * MAG016: ghost spiders haunting Carlos Vittery, who died shortly after giving his statement (his “body was completely encased in web”). The spiders may have been attracted by the worms, since Jane Prentiss was hiding in the building’s basement? According to Carlos, “they provided a good meal for the eight-legged little monsters.” * MAG022: Martin is knowledgeable about spiders, won’t allow Jon to slander them (“I knew there was something not right about the whole thing from the off. I said it probably wasn't natural, him dying and being encased in web when he was found, and I stand by that”) and also Loves Them – “I like spiders. Big ones, at least. Y’know, y’know the ones you can see some fur on; I actually think they’re sort of cute—” (Jon… doesn’t.) * MAG032: Jane Prentiss reported spiders in her home, before discovering the nest – “There were webs in the corners, around the entryway into the attic. I would watch them scurry and disappear in between the wooden boards. ‘Where are you going, little spiders?’ I would think. ‘What are you seeing in the dark? Is it food? Prey? Predators?’” * MAG035: Breekon and Hope (?) deliver an old zippo with a spider web design on the front for Jon, who discovers it in MAG036. * MAG038: a spider on the wall, that Jon smashed with glee despite all common sense, led to the discovery that the worms were infesting the passages around the Archives.

- Teeth * MAG005: The bin men discovered a bag containing “hundreds, thousands of teeth” at 93 Lancaster Road. According to police reports, they were “all in different stages of decay and didn’t match any available dental records, but all two thousand seven hundred and eighty of them were the exact same tooth.” * MAG034: Students form anatomy class left an apple with “healthy adult teeth, and most of them appeared to come from different people” inside of it for Dr. Lionel Elliott.

- The Table (aaaand the box.) According to Amy Patel, “an “ornate wooden thing, with a snaking pattern of lines weaving their way around towards the centre. The pattern was hypnotic and shifted as I watched it, like an optical illusion. I found my eyes following the lines towards the middle of the table, where there was nothing but a small square hole.” (MAG003) * MAG003: used to belong to Graham Folger, who had bought it years ago in a second-hand shop (“It had been in pretty bad shape but he’d spent a long time and a lot of money restoring it, though he’d never been able to figure out what was supposed to go in the centre. He assumed it was a separate piece and couldn’t track it down.”) Graham was ~replaced~ by a Not Graham on April 7th, 2006. * MAG008: on November 23rd 2006, Ivo Lensik discovered “a small wooden box, about six inches square, with an intricate pattern carved along the outside. Engraved lines covered it, warping and weaving together, making it hard to look away” under the bleeding tree from the House on Hill Top Road. The box contained a green apple that immediately rotted and split, liberating hundred of spiders; Ivo then “smashed it with a crowbar and threw the remains into a skip” (Agnes Montague’s body was found on the same day: she had hanged herself, was 26-except-she-shouldn’t-have-been, and had a severed right hand with her.) * MAG035: the table was brought in by Breekon and Hope delivery, along with a zippo, for Jon. (<- unclear what they delivered exactly, since they only mentioned a “Package for Jonathan Sims” to Martin at this point) * MAG036: according to Tim, Martin “took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you.” Jon had forgotten, until now, that Martin has put it in his desk drawer: he discovers the lighter/old zippo with a spider web design on the front; the table, meanwhile, “was sent straight to the Artefact Storage”. * MAG037: Martin actually didn’t see the table and thinks Rosie must have signed for its reception, since her desk is on the way to Artefact Storage. According to Jon, Rosie described “Two men, doesn’t know how they got in, too intimidated to ask”, so it’s not actually quite clear if she signed for the reception? Martin thinks they should destroy it, Elias advised in that direction, but Jon decides that nah. (“I’m more inclined to keep studying it. We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge.”) * MAG039: during the Prentiss attack of the Institute, Sasha took shelter in the Artefact Storage, arrived in front of the table (“I’ve found… I’ve found that table you were talking about. Don’t really see what all the fuss is about. Just a… basic… optical illusion. Nothing special…”) and felt someone; was replaced by Not Sasha, without the others being aware of it.

- The Lighter/old zippo with a spider web design on the front. * MAG035: the zippo, along with The Table, was delivered by Breekon and Hope delivery for Jon. (<- unclear what they delivered exactly, since they only mentioned a “Package for Jonathan Sims” to Martin at this point) * MAG036: when Tim mentions the items that Martin received for Jon the previous week, Jon remembers the package that Martin had put in his desk draw: he discovers the lighter (and vehemently denies being a smoker).

(MAG036) TIM: Okay. Is there anything unusual about it? ARCHIVIST: Not really. Just a sort of spider web design on the front. Doesn’t mean anything to me. You? TIM: Ah no. No. ARCHIVIST: Well… show it to the others, see what they think.

(So the others saw it, which explains why Sasha was able to tell Elias that Jon had a lighter in MAG039.)

- Breekon and Hope delivery I’m almost tempted to wonder if they’re not actually working for the Institute, since the red calliope was taken by them before January 2005 and it had been stored in the Institute’s Artefact Storage since “somewhere in 2007”, but I’m also feeling that this could be a hilariously wrong assessment. * MAG035: On-tape, post-statement, while Jon was away and Martin had come down, they delivered the ornate wooden table that used to belong to Graham Folger (MAG003). * MAG037: According to Martin, remembering the delivery, they looked aggressively normal: “There were two delivery men. They were big, and they spoke with cockney accents that might have been fake, and they delivered a package for you. I don’t remember anything else about what they looked like. […] They looked normal. Like you’d expect. They looked like two, huge, cockney delivery men.” According to Rosie, reported by Jon: “Two men, doesn’t know how they got in, too intimidated to ask, looked ‘exactly like you’d expect’.”

- Mikaele Salesa * MAG014: Lee Rentoul had mentioned that Noriega, his target, was supposed to meet with Salesa: “a big Samoan guy with close-cropped hair”, “dealt mainly in stolen art and curious, valuable stuff, and was paranoid as hell, which meant Noriega was going to be there alone”. Salesa came with “four men in dark suits, who carried a square wooden crate between them” and they left with it (apparently, the business transaction didn’t work out). … was it the coffin from MAG002, maybe? * MAG038: according to Andre Ramao, he “has a good reputation for quality, but a… bad reputation for legality”. Andre Ramao bought a spooky antique vase from his “showroom” (a warehouse); Mikaele Salesa was the only person to have ever laughed about his joke (“I’ve been in the antiques business for a long time. It’s not what it used to be. […] There’s a follow up to that one, you know. Something along the lines of the joke being so old only an antiques dealer would be able to sell it.”) When Andre contacted him because Salesa hadn’t put the vase on his invoice, Salesa didn’t remember ever owning it, asked for pictures, and declared: “I do not remember having that thing, which means it belongs to you.” Andre mentioned that there were big books in Salesa’s warehouse (“I recall I felt a moment of relief that I didn’t deal in books, as I caught sight of several crates packed to the brim with heavy-looking volumes.”), so maybe some more Leitners? * MAG038: Jon, in his follow-up, identifies him a bit more; “he appears to have something of a knack for locating objects displaying more… disconcerting phenomena. I believe some of the more bizarre things in the Artefact Storage area were purchased from him.” (Is he perhaps tied to the Institute?)

- Trevor Herbert and a woman * MAG010: on July 10th 2010, Trevor gave his statement about the death of his brother and his activities as a vampire hunter, succumbed to lung cancer in the Institute’s break room before he could keep going. * MAG036: a “faded white Transit van” was parked in front of Ivy Meadows. There was an “old man” with a “long, white beard matted and filthy”, a “thick Mancunian accent”, a skin that was “unblemished pink” who temporally immobilized the statement giver (Nicole Baxter); he was accompanied by a “young woman, tall and lean with close-cropped hair and a deep scar over her right eye” who advised to let her go. They burned down Ivy Meadows (and what was left of their residents…?). No further description, but Nicole felt like she had already seen the man (“I could swear I recognised him from somewhere”) and Jon couldn’t help but think about Trevor for some reason (spooky? Hiding information from us again? Went to consult Trevor’s Internet page mentioned in MAG010?).

- John Amherst * MAG036: he was the new Director of Ivy Meadows, succeeding Hannah Ramirez (“tall man”, “rail thin”, “wore a faded brown suit that seemed to have been cut for a much fatter man. His eyes were a watery blue and his dark hair stood on top of his head in an unruly mess. He must have been around forty, but had a nervous sort of energy to him”, had a “thick, sweaty hand”). According to Jon, he doesn’t exist (or not under this name?): they’ve been “unable to locate anyone fitting that description anywhere within the care or medical sector, and he certainly never ran any nursing homes.” Unclear if he died in the fire or is at large ;;

- Mary and Gerard Keay * MAG035: before June 4th 2002 (the date of the statement), Gerard Key (“looked to be in his late teens”, “dressed all in black, with heavy looking boots and a T-shirt with the logo of some band emblazoned on it, Megadon or Mastodon, or something like that. His hair was long and greasy, almost down to his shoulders, and looked to be dyed almost the same black as his clothes.”) was searching for “Leitner’s pages”, destroyed a fake wall and went into hidden corridors apparently constructed by Robert Smirke. He retrieved a book and fled. Due to the amount of bones, I suppose it’s the Leitner book that Mary Keay had in her possession in Winter 2012 (MAG004)?

- Jurgen Leitner (and his books) * MAG035: Harold Silvana and Rachel met him in London back in 1987. He was then, “a businessman from Norway”, described with “portly, middle-aged, short blond hair in the middle of going grey, well-tailored business suit”, and had his office in the building next to the Reform Club (100 Pall Mall). He wanted them to dig a hole (“He said he needed a hole put through the floor. I thought there would have been a basement under there, and he said no, the building’s basement didn’t go under these rooms.”) Jon confirmed that he had “hired out an office on the ground floor of 100 Pall Mall between 1985 and 1994. He was apparently one of the premier worldwide dealers in rare and antique books at the time, with items selling for the sort of sums where an office in Pall Mall doesn’t raise any eyebrows.” (MAG035) * MAG035: Harold Silvana could smell something like “Damp old stone and musty paper, just a faint whiff” (which was apparently the smell of “Leitner’s pages” according to Gerard Keay?). Gerard Keay retrieved a book that left bones behind in the corridors elaborated by Robert Smirke, so probably the book Mary Keay had in her possession in MAG004. Jon wonders if the books in the tunnels were “where they were found, or just where they were stored.”

- Robert Smirke Tim is a fan! * MAG035: mentioned by Harold Silvana as the architect behind the British Museum and Carlton Club (which got destroyed during the Second War, and where the 100 Pall Mall currently stands instead: “it looked like the underground foundations, or whatever this place was, had not been damaged”). Apparently, he constructed a system of galleries underground, one entrance being on 100 Pall Mall: Harold&company reached a crossroads with fourteen doorways (including theirs): “There was one that, for all the world, it felt like I was going to fall into it. Another was so dark that our torches didn’t seem to reach more than a few feet inside.” In the middle, a datestone had a mention: “Robert Smirke, 1835. Balance and fear”. Harold’s coworker was found dead in “a small, round room. Against the walls were old bookshelves, decayed and empty, save for a few mouldering pages” and Gerard Keay had apparently retrieved a book from here (leaving bones behind). Harold Silvana had trouble getting out, took some wrong doors in the crossroads, only remembers “the vaguest memories: flashes of a pile of paper, completely covered in cobweb; a figure stood in the darkness, a stranger I didn’t know but was sure meant me harm; my skin burning, hot, choking on smoke down there in the dark.” (I’m supposing there was one doorway for each entity…? … was it including one for the Institute then.) According to Jon, “Smirke’s buildings have higher percentages of reported paranormal sightings than any other architect of similar profile.” * MAG040: Tim thinks that the tunnels under the Institute might be related to some of Smirke’s buildings (MAG040, Martin: “It’s a, it’s a maze down there, Jon. I don’t know how far the passages go, maybe miles. I think it must be the old Millbank Prison, like Tim was saying before. I even found some stairs at one point, but I really didn’t want to go down them.”)

Live statements so far:

* MAG013: Naomi Herne * MAG022: Martin Blackwood [archive team] * MAG026: Sasha James [archive team] * MAG028: Melanie King * MAG034: Dr. Lionel Elliott * MAG040: Elias Bouchard, Tim Stoker, “Sasha James”, Martin Blackwood [debriefing post-Prentiss attack] 

Time, what is time

Additional note: Sasha went after police reports for the Harold Silvana case back in MAG024 (March 2016), and Jon recorded this one in MAG035 (July 2016) – so at least 4 months passed between some research and the recording. I’m assuming that they’re all working on multiple cases at the same time, but still, that makes quite a long time before the beginning of their investigations and the moment they archive/“close” cases! * MAG013: 13/01/2016 * MAG022: 12/03/2016 [Martin begins to live in the Archives] * MAG023: one week later (Martin: “It’s been a week and we’ve seen nothing.”) * MAG026: 02/04/2016 (recounting events from March 31st and April 1st) * MAG028: 17/04/2016 * MAG031: Mid-May 2016? (“It’s… been two months now… since Martin returned…”) * MAG034: 12/07/2016. * MAG039: [28th or 29th July 2016] * MAG040: 29/07/2016.

Quotes that I keep in mind, feeling that I’ll cry over them soon:

(MAG037, Jason North’s statement): God knows I should have just left; it’s not like there weren’t plenty of warning signs. I just chose not to pay attention.

(Jon ;;…….)

(MAG037) MARTIN: […] Look, Jon, I do think we should destroy the table, though. I mean, if it’s the one from Amy Patel’s statement. Just in case. ARCHIVIST: Elias told me the same thing. Luckily he phrased it as advice rather than an instruction, so for now I’m more inclined to keep studying it. We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge.

(… Already crying over the fact that Jon wanted to “keep studying” the table, hence keeping it intact, hence Sasha’s death, but also, that “We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge”…)

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: No. I need to be here, keep watch, I need to be sure…

There was obviously some terrible “hahaha.” feeling, as a listener, when Jon went on about how he was feeling ~watched~ when he recorded, and how he was afraid that the thing watching him perhaps could learn/know about what he was truly thinking. It’s. Exactly what we listeners are doing. We’re the voyeurs. And we’ve made him feel Uncomfortable since the beginning. GREAT.

(Yeah, this post got insanely long, I’m hooked, I’m in pain, I hate everything, and I’m consuming the series like precious sweets. Or have been so far; I want to have caught up by the end of the hiatus but it looks like an impossible task if I keep trying to review it, and I Don’t Know How To Deal With Concision :| So I’ll ~see~. I’m laughing at myself for having thought that hey, Cass! if you take notes and everything, you won’t need to relisten to this! Thanks past!self, nearpast!self already relistened to everything a few times anyway, and present!self is planning to relisten to this series a lot anyway, YOU THOUGHT you wouldn’t like the series enough to do it and you were Wrong. So anyway. IT’S AN AMAZING SERIES, I LOVE IT SO MUCH??? And I know there's a lot of even better stuff to come???)

#tma liveblog #the magnus archives #tma spoilers #long post #... insanely long ufihnjfd i have feELINGS DAMNIT #*aggressively preventing her partially spoiled self from getting out of the chest* #hey! i'm heartbroken but at least things won't get worse right? right? right.

[aisuho]

7′sCarlet #1 (Hino, Isora)

I have no idea how to say this game’s name. Is it 7′s carlet? 7′s Scarlet? 7′ scarlet? No idea.

I have been playing it for the last few days, and been following  NerdyBirdyx’s guide. I was looking forward to it since I’ve finished Steam Prison (replayed Adage’s route, as I said I would) and have been lacking for something else to do. I went into it without knowing much or what to expect. The only thing I knew is that it had a mystery, which fitted me nicely since I had liked Steam Prison and Amnesia a lot. So, you can expect such heavy/tense vibe, although it didn’t look like as violent as Steam Prison.

As it says in the guide, the characters’ order was...

Hino -> Isora -> Toa -> Sosuke -> Yuzuki -> True Ending -> Secret Character

Next I will talk about my journey through the first two routes (Hino and Isora), as well as my thoughts on them and its characters. Oh, I apologize for any stupid mistake in grammar, specially when writing something’s name (places’ and people’s), I’m not sure why but I’m having trouble getting it right.

Spoilers to follow. You’ve been warned.

Hino Kagutsuchi

Hino is the classic childhood friend who has feelings towards the heroine. He is an overall nice guy who likes sports but has to deal with his own feelings of inadequacy. 

I must say I liked him from the start, and at first glance, he was the one who talked more to me... I also have a weak spot for childhood friends’ romance, so, yeah...

Hino’s route is full of sweet moments, but still without losing focus of the plot of trying to find your brother. It had a nice balance between these two moments: the tension of Okunezato, and the sweet and fluffy romance, which can be a hard thing to achieve. I liked to see his hesitation of crossing the line of friendship and confessing his feelings towards the heroine. I also liked seeing his weakness as he often fears he is not good enough. 

One thing, though, that bothered me is how often he talks about replacing MC’s brother, which made it sound... just weird. 

We never have the chance to see MC’s brother or how was their dynamic. The only hints you’re given of the former was Hino’s speech, and by that, I don’t have a good impression of the brother or how he related with MC or even Hino. The flashback of the haunted house too, gave me a bad feeling. 

Other than those things, I liked the romance’s development. It was fast-paced, but not in a way that felt rushed. The CGs were pretty, and their interaction was sweet and concise.

I can’t say I’m annoyed at MC, too. She wasn’t too dense. It was understandable how she was a little confused about her own feelings at times, or even hesitant, given that her brother’s disappearance was taking most of her thoughts. But, one thing that bothered ma about the Happy Ending was how they kind of force the “love at first sight” thing, specially when it comes to MC’s feelings. It would’ve been believable when talking about Hino, but the MC... it just didn’t feel right.

However, I must say... all the case of Okunezato and it’s mystery left me confused a lot of times. At that point I had some theories, but I was more lost than anything; at first, I didn’t understand if the mystery was a supernatural thing or it had some sort of logical/scientific explanation. The game strongly suggests the former.

Karasuma was kind of a mysterious character too, I wasn’t sure what he was up to, but still didn’t believe he was a bad guy. The manager was confusing, it felt like the game wanted me to distrust or suspect him, but I couldn’t do it when it didn’t give me any proof or reason whatsoever. It was heavily hinted that he was involved with MC’s brother’s disappearance, somehow. To be honest, I thought Yasu was the most suspicious one... all that “stupid” attitude seemed forceful -- a facade -- and it looked like he had some kind of connection to Yuzuki’s family. More than them just being childhood friends.

It was unclear if the cat man was one of the characters we knew, or someone else entirely. No questions about the Okunezato’s mysteries or even MC’s brother’s disappearance were answered, which was disappointing.

Nonetheless, the romance was nice and the route was still fun. I was at the edge of my seat many times, just wondering when any of them was going to be attacked. Every time they went to investigate the disappearance, I got tense.

Isora Amari

I was writing this one as I played his route (different to how I did Hino’s), so my comments and views come as I move forward, this is not a view of someone who had already finished the route. The reason for that is that as I finished writing Hino’s part, I felt that I left out lots of thing that might’ve been important, so, writing as I played made it more my thoughts more clear and dynamic. However, it made the text way longer, so I apologize from the start.

From the beginning I must say something didn’t ring right to me about Inora, I’m not saying he was exactly a suspicious character, but just his personality just bothers me a little bit. He is not a bad character per se, but the way he talks, all that joyful and carefree is not my cup of tea. 

Inora constantly hints about having met the heroine before, which makes you wonder about MC’s memories (or lack, thereof).

I was a little hesitant as I started his route, because... well, you came to Okunezato with Hino, you were going to investigate with Hino, so I was curious and somewhat afraid of how they would handle him in Inora’s route. The first few scenes/days he just vanishes, kind of... he doesn’t even speak with MC in the festival (nor meet her), which would be understandable given how she didn’t show up after his invite. Throughout the next day, as you go to town with Inora, he also is left to the side until the night, when you meet him and everyone in the Cafe.

During the Cafe meeting (to which Sosuke doesn’t show up), Yuki suggests disbanding the Club due to the countless dead bodies showing up... which sounded weird, because so far there have been only two deaths. I know, it is concerning, specially given the city’s size and all, but as the first one was approached as an accident, and not murder, it felt overly exaggerating. Not to mention, it was not like the Club was going around town and its forbidden places to investigate anything whatsoever. Less than that, the Club had done nothing at all except a little party and barbecue, so...? It felt like pointless drama.

Damn, that Inora’s snap the next day when the heroine and Hino go to the cafe was just... ridiculous. It made me like the character even less, specially when he came with the jealous type and wanted to force the MC to eat the strawberry tarts. Big red flags here.

Well, the cat that Hino gave the tart to turns up dead, so...

At that point I started suspecting everyone. We never learned why Yua was down the day of the festival, and during Hino’s route there was a day when you came to the cafe with him and everyone was acting weird... so I guess everyone had their own secrets going backstage.

Things then start to escalate quickly... Yuki is kidnapped, you’re attacked... Isora supposedly saves you and takes you to an underground warehouse, where he keeps you (Touma vibes, anyone?) for who knows how many days. He snaps when the heroine suggests leaving to wash her clothes. Their relationship becomes very abusive and concerning.

In the end, the man in the mask appears and try to kill the MC, but is saved by Isora. It turns out that Isora and the heroine had known each other for a long time, as she had spent a summer in Okunezato as a child. Also, the masked man says he is the one who poisoned the tarts and attacked the MC, so there was that.

Honestly, it was relieving to hear that Isora wasn’t at fault for those things, but he still confined the heroine in the warehouse, which is just as bad. He isn’t a good character, in my opinion, as he tends to snap a lot and his relationship with heroine isn’t a healthy one.

Another thing was that Yuki came back safe and sound, supposedly the Murakumo family had abducted him to scold him... like, what? Who does that

I didn’t enjoy his route. What made me mad was that his actions were overlooked in the end, just because he saved the heroine’s life. The Murakumo’s decision to abduct Yuki was also ignored, which just doesn’t ring right. Inora did recognize his fault in the end, BUT he never said anything about wanting to change, nor trying to. Worse than that, he says he might do it again! What!?

It was a sacrilege to go through his route, specially trying to get the happy ending. You have to be complacent to all he does, not talking back or else. My mind was screaming for me to run everytime, but I was forced to play along, which made it tiring. He is a big no-no for me.

Leaving all that to the side, the only thing you learned from this route was the fact that the MC has lived in Okunezato, which means that her brother also did (probably?), so... they probably have more unexplored or uncovered ties around the town. Not to mention, it gave a place for her brother to stay in while he came back, a year ago. 

Oh, another thing is that the masked man was unmasked when he attacked the MC, and she says he was a guy, although she couldn’t see his face. I don’t doubt that he might turn out to be her brother.

One last thing, as I was going for the low affection ending and refused to ride the boat, Isora talks about his father’s passing. He said one day (after passing away), his father reappeared, called his name and a black figure appeared behind him. He later says it must’ve been a dream, but it left me wondering... maybe his father was resuscitated by the flower, and the black figure was the cat-masked man. So, maybe the reason that the cat-masked man is after the MC is because she is dead, and was brought back to life with the flower.

Next time I’ll follow on my journey through the game.

#7'sCarlet #spoilers #spoiler #otome game #visual novel #isora amari #hino kagutsuchi

[modernart2012]

No Strings Attached

Title: No Strings Attached

Author: ModernArt2012

Relationship(s): Kankuro/ Tenten

Rating: Teen

Wordcount: 11112

Warnings/Notes: Canon Compliant

Rank: B rank

Rarity: A+ rank

Summary: The first time they “meet”, Kankuro is doing his best to not die and can’t really be bothered to remember some random person not of Suna and not a direct threat to his life. He’s seen one too many bodies from his psychotic little brother, and he’s not keen on becoming one of them.

@thiscatastrophe

@narutogiftexchange

@uzushi0

The first time they “meet”, Kankuro is doing his best to not die and can’t really be bothered to remember some random person not of Suna and not a direct threat to his life. He’s seen one too many bodies from his psychotic little brother, and he’s not keen on becoming one of them. A weak Konoha kunoichi is insignificant in comparison; her fight in the preliminaries against Temari mostly reinforces the idea. Kankuro can faintly recall surprise at a Konoha shinobi knowing chakra strings are a thing as a genin, but her use is subpar at best and even the most novice of the Puppeteer Brigade members would cringe. But otherwise no one but Naruto, Shino, Lee, Orochimaru, and the Uchiha really stick out from that event. Not even his future brother-in-law, which says something. Probably about Kankuro, though he prefers to think that it meant everything was overshadowed by the fact his little bro went from psychotic killer to zen master to Kazekage pretty much overnight and there was governing to do and Kankuro is too young to need this much coffee in the morning but needs must.

Which means he’s completely blindsided when Team Gai blows into Sunagakure at the end of a merchant guarding mission nearly a year later. Almost literally; the jounin sensei and Lee nearly run him over. The stars he sees from how hard he went into the stucco means the first memorable thing he probably says in front of her is, “Are you an angel?”

The angel - actually named Neji, not that Kankuro knows that yet- frowns. Admittedly, the teen is pretty enough to be an angel, Kankuro decides as his vision clears, but no, mortal. A Hyuuga by the eyes. “Gai-sensei, I think he’s concussed.” The pronouncement does nothing to cover the fact that twin buns’ giggling and Lee and the sensei - Gai-sensei - are sparkling. Still, up Kankuro goes over the unknown Hyuuga’s shoulder, and Twin Buns’ while their sensei and other teammate lead the way to the hospital. At breakneck speed nearly causing more accidents in the resultant wind stream.

Kankuro stares at the freshly ruined pottery stand and says, “Aw, Konoha, why.” The twin sighs on either side of him tell him it might be worse than he sees. Still, he stretches out chakra strings to pull the stand back to something resembling “together”. He’ll dispatch a jounin-genin team when he has the resources to do so - most are out running missions currently. Hopefully a team comes back in time to take care of it before Gaara attempted to fix it. Last time ended with tetanus shots.

The Hyuuga and Twin Buns sigh almost in sync and chorus, “We’re sorry for them.” It sounds entirely too well rehearsed, Kankuro pities them for half a minute until another telltale crash echoes through the market. The pair exchange looks, then wilt, “We’ll fix that.”

Kankuro decides it a bigger headache to wonder about that then it’s worth, and instead takes the offer at face value. “Thanks.” Konoha is crazy, he decides once more. If the crazy Konoha shinobi weren’t saving others from psychosis, they were causing it.

Twin Buns nods amicably, “I’m Tenten. Angel boy is Neji.” And Kankuro really is never going to live calling the Hyuuga an angel down. “Those two are Gai-sensei and Rock Lee. This is actually sedate for them.”

“I remember Lee; Gaara nearly killed him.” The cool air of the shade awnings are a relief - there’s a reason most shinobi shunshin through Suna and leave everyone else to the unrelenting sun.

A hum of consideration, then Twin Buns, with a noise of comprehension, “You're Temari’s brother!”

Most people would remember him as the Kazekage’s brother, not Temari’s brother - not the least because she has two brothers, and also Gaara was a bona fide psychopath who murdered people for kicks and giggles for a while before he became Kazekage which is much more memorable overall than Temari- and the statement takes Kankuro aback.

The Hyuuga harrumphs, “Forgive Tenten, she's determined to beat your sister after her defeat in the last Chunin Exam.” Which explains why Twin Buns looks familiar, Kankuro last saw her looking wrecked draped over Temari’s war fan. The kunoichi with awful chakra strings.

Makes sense that she wants to have a rematch, after that loss anyone would declare rivalry; Kankuro would too if it wouldn't be against that crazy Bug Guy. But what comes out of his mouth is, “Not with those shoddy chakra strings you're not.”

Twin Buns looks affronted but sounds annoyed, “I've gotten better with using them!” The Hyuuga says nothing, which would be suspect but Kankuro has met Hyuuga before - they’re taciturn bastards at best.

There’s a medic hurrying over to meet them - an unfortunate perk of being the son of the previous Kazekage and the brother of the current Kazekage, one that has Kankuro cringing at the preferential, deferential treatment - and Kankuro meets Twin Bun’s steely gaze. “I’m sure you are.”

It sounds just as sarcastic as Kankuro meant it to be. Just out loud, not in his head where it was supposed to stay. Thankfully Twin Buns grins like a sand viper, deadly challenge and beauty in one. “Why don’t we get you fixed up and then test it out shall we?”

Cyanide sweet, like marzipan - the kunoichi ideal. Thank the Sage Granny Chiyo inoculated him and his siblings against such a basic poison early on in life. It’s probably the endorphins from no longer having a pounding headache that’s got him acting irrationally, but, “You’re on.”

Needless to say, he remembers her then.

Dear Tenten -

The Kazekage has stared at me for 15 minutes straight without blinking which means he strongly suggests I apologize for giving you a brain bleed and breaking your arm in four places. I know I apologized in person, and again at the hospital, and again before you left, but I’ll apologize again since it is very important Suna continues to foster good relations with Konoha after our recent alliance re-negotiation.

That said, I will take this opportunity to include the book on intermediate chakra string theory since you’ve apparently only been able to find the beginner text as a symbolic offering of sincerity in apology. Hopefully it’ll help.

Sincerely,

Kankuro of Suna.

Dear Kankuro -

Gai-sensei and Lee have been sparkling at me and Neji (who is meditating) while exclaiming over the power of friendship and youth and strengthening bonds between allies and don’t look to be stopping any time soon. I thought I’d take this opportunity to let you know any further apologies are unnecessary, but if your Kazekage insists, then I would like a rematch next time we meet (if possible).

The text is very helpful, thank you. Even with the implied subtext of “your chakra strings are awful and an insult to the art.”

Sincerely,

Tenten

The next time Team Gai comes through Suna, 6 months later, Kankuro is kicked off the couch where he was napping on his day off by Temari and asked (informed) that Team Gai is coming through and he will be accompanied to not start a International Incident This Time when he goes to guide them around. Kankuro would like to indicate there was no International Incident and sparring between friendly Hidden Villages is good and healthy and a great way to measure growth. Frankly, no one had planned for the missing nin ambush, and that it happened at all was a freak accident. Also! If anyone was really keeping track, it was all Konoha’s fault, the missing nin were only in Suna after the Byakugan. Kankuro had told the Village Elders, and Gaara, and Baki-sensei, but it was one thing to know there was a bounty on an allies eyes and another to point it out. Or to point out one’s allies were crazier than a tanuki in a box.

Either way it was a good B rank to clear out the missing nin and the mission pay Konoha shelled out was appreciated.

Still, Kankuro is a newly minted Jounin who’s under threat of getting a genin team (the horror!) and he knows when he needs to fall in line, especially when faced with a no win situation. He’s not going to have to babysit Gaara’s tiny terrors - read, Gaara’s genin team, Gaara’s preferred form of expressing extreme disapproval - again just because he ducked Temari and orders (again). Last time the lesson was traps with Kankuro as the object to capture, and Kankuro was still finding glue in places glue shouldn’t be able to get for weeks after the lesson. He’s still torn between pride at Suna genin ruthlessness and hatred.

So Kankuro gets up, thoroughly douses himself in sunscreen and then carefully draws on his face paint. On goes the holster for his carrying scrolls. He spares a moment for a longing glance at where Sanshōuo rests in pieces across his workbench, but goes out the door without him.

Okay, Kankuro lied, he pocketed one of the locked up leg mechanisms to fiddle with while he and Temari wait at the gate. He’s nearly got it un-gunked enough to move freely when a rush of sand and wind undo all his work in an instant. With a deep breath he waits for Temari to clean them off with a wind jutsu, then announces, “Konoha.” Because it would only be Konoha. No one else cultivates that level of crazy, the kind of crazy that means you run full sprint across a desert. Still, he’s sure Gai-sensei and Lee are halfway across the market causing chaos trying to stop their full tilt mad dash, so he waits for the sane(r) duo of Team Gai.

They run in at a more normal pace, and while Kankuro knows objectively Team Gai are all chunin as of the last Exam in Iwa, conspicuously, none but the Team sensei and Lee are wearing the flak jacket. Probably a visual trick, to make people think they’re lower level than they are so they’re the ones who get attacked first, and gives Gai and Lee time to act.

Which means the scrolls they’re delivering are on Gai and Lee. Of course. Because Konoha. He glances at his sister, who takes his meaning in an instant before smiling. Okay, good, he’s not the only one who’s wondering where the alleged “genius” of Konoha went. Still, he waves hello at the visiting duo’s polite greeting. He sees the flick of grey eyes over his hands and the complicated tangle of gears, but merely curious not probing, as Temari makes the requisite polite inquiries that Tenten returns.

Temari leads the way through Suna, pointing out the “nice” tea shop with the good dango, and the “authentic” restaurant and gift shop - the places that everyone prefers foreigners to stick to, for easier surveillance. Only, Kankuro is bringing up the rear and sees the full head swivel of two dark heads to the weapons shop. He tries to recall if that shop sells anything beyond basic shinobi materials and tools, but the most concerning thing that comes to mind are the model war fans. The beginner’s training puppets are just hand sized mannequins with simple marionette joints, there’s no rare or iconic Suna poison sold, the materials are technically substandard for any shinobi worth their hitai-ate and overpriced to boot.

Kankuro will still have to follow them; knowing Konoha they’ll find something supremely dangerous by accident and Gaara will make a disappointed face at him again. Temari guides in Tenten and Neji to Gaara’s office, where it sounds like Gai and Lee are fired up and exclaiming about things that would be better left as sentences. Kankuro looks in and sees the latest bout of intensity - is Lee trying to ratchet Gaara’s arm off? - before breathing deeply. Why Konoha. He tries to ignore the muffled giggles behind him.

Through some Sage forsaken series of events Kankuro doesn’t really understand, he ends up press ganged into helping Team Gai. Furthermore, he ends up pinned down with only Tenten as backup in a firefight (literally!) with Kusa nin trying to steal priceless Suna artefacts from the First Kazekage’s reign. “This is all Konoha’s fault. Someway, somehow,” he informs Tenten as he jerks Karasu out of the way of a vermillion gout of flame. The edges of the wood are smoked; he cusses furiously.

Tenten returns the grumble, “Where did Kusa nin even learn fire jutsu from?” A swing of one of her scrolls has a flurry of kunai flying out in a hail of deadly fire. A Kusa nin goes down, skewered like fish over a charcoal grill. “That’s one for me! I’m in the lead!”

Kankuro unseals Kuroari - at least this way he’ll be able to use Poison Mist Hell: Hundred Continuous Firing if it comes down to it. Damn these Kusa nin! He’s not 100% ready to dual wield puppets with any finesse but that technique might be useful now. If it works, it’s one step closer to being like the great Sasori of the Red Sand, who could handle five puppets (maybe more!) with great skill in battle. “What are you talking about?”

Tenten pulls out a bo staff and knocks out two Kusa nin trying to sneak up behind the rock they’re hiding behind. “The rematch! This is perfect!”

“Rematch? Now?!” And here Kankuro thought Tenten was sane; either the latent Konoha crazy was only just now manifesting or Gai and Lee’s insanity was contagious. Or maybe she’d always been that crazy and it never showed? Just to be safe, Kankuro is going to need to quarantine Gaara away from Konoha. Forever.

A shrug in between parrying shuriken. “We’ve got nothing better to do.” The Kusa nin nearest take offense and redouble their efforts to try and overwhelm them, and honestly. Kankuro has seen better from Konoha pre-genin. Idly, he notes that Tenten is better at bukijutsu than chakra strings; might be something to that.

A few more Kusa nin go down; from the eleven or so that had started, they’re down to five conscious or able to keep fighting even as Kankuro and Tenten draw even as to number dispatched. A brilliant grin that is all confidence gets thrown over Tenten’s shoulder. “I’ve got a plan!” Because a plan makes everything better.

“Do I have a choice?” Still Kankuro listens, and he has to admit it’s a good plan. Just on the sane(r) side of Konoha crazy, so it just might work. “Are you sure this will work?” Let it not be said Kankuro isn’t a healthy skeptic.

Kankuro is never going to get an answer since there’s a series of explosions from the cave their teammates went into and what sounds like screaming. He doesn’t take his eyes off the enemy, but he’s pretty sure he sees two flashes of green out of the corner of his eye. The black blur must be Temari, and the white Neji. Tenten smirks in something that’s a mix between superiority and delight, “Time to go,” and hauls Kankuro off his feet in a blur of movement.

He finds his feet a few moments later, and uses Kuroari and Karasu to cover their flight; a few dozen shuriken and kunai join suit from Tenten but the Kusa nin quickly fall back and out of sight. He falls into step with Temari as the Kusa nin disappear over the horizon, and murmurs under his breath, “Konoha.” Temari’s side glance tells him she agrees.

Apparently Lee has convinced Gaara that successful missions mean barbecue parties. Suna doesn’t even do barbecues, since heat and heat and oppressive heat. It’s a desert; no one wants to stand around an open flame and do anything, unless night has fallen. But it’s not worth the effort to fight the idea, and Tenten and Neji seem resigned to their fates which means they’ve tried and failed enough times to know better. Kankuro takes his cues from them and just rolls his sleeves up to set up the grill.

Temari has wandered away - probably to double check there was no foolishness in their absence from the Elders holed up in the government building - and Kankuro is trying to decide where he wants the hot spots while Lee exclaims at Gaara about ... something that Kankuro needs to put a stop to just in case. Chakra strings reach out and arrange a stack of charcoal into place, and Kankuro has to double check that it wasn’t him unconsciously. Puppeteer Brigade training is brutal, and few have ever truly mastered it to the level the highest ranks within the Brigade required, but plenty of Puppeteers reported unconscious chakra string use.

But no, it’s not him. It’s Tenten, and the charcoal bricks dance in time to the waggle of her fingers. “So, what’s the verdict?” Plainly curious, as if this is some test she needs to pass.

Kankuro looks back over the strings - they’re fine and even unlike the lumpy mess they had been at the Chunin Exam in Konoha, and the movement of the bricks is immediate in reaction to her movements. Still rudimentary when master Puppeteers can control puppets with mere fluctuations in chakra, but.... He grins, and he knows it stretches his face paint into something sinister. “Good job, you officially met novice requirements.”

Instead of breaking down into tears like any other kunoichi though, the set of her mouth is determined. “Good, that’s progress in the right direction isn’t it. Now come on, we never finished that rematch.”

Which is how they end up having a tournament that ends with Gaara versus Neji in a draw. Somehow, Kankuro ends up drawing a first stage battle against his sister and losing, so he doesn’t face Tenten (thought conspicuously Tenten does not face Temari, which must irk Tenten). The next day, as the Konoha ninja leave, Kankuro finds himself waving them off with the promise of a rematch some other time to Tenten.

Dear Tenten -

Thank you for the saury; it was still fresh when we unsealed it. The seal design is novel - where did you get the idea for combining status freezing with space maximization?

I hope your birthday was a good one, and the gift useful. Hopefully it’s something you don’t already have in your collection.

Sincerely,

Kankuro of Suna.

Dear Kankuro,

I’m glad to hear that the saury was still good. Gaara mentioned that Temari requested some, but we didn’t want anyone to get sick from the fish going bad during travel. With the seal, maybe we can get fresh seafood out to Suna much more quickly! I’m working with a merchant to see if we can soft launch some trial shipments.

The war fan is beautiful. The damascus patterning on the ribs that subtly hide the bevels for the cutting edges are very clever, and if you didn’t notice them you’d think it was just a metal fan. Thank you very much; I’ll be sure to put it to good use!

Sincerely,

Tenten

P.S. - Lee and Neji say hello!

Kankuro is ashamed to say things get hectic in the worst way, go steadily down the slope of bad to worse to him chasing after black cloaked figures decorated with red clouds and a limp figure of his brother and fighting the long-believed dead creator of his puppets. The battle goes badly - not unexpected against Sasori of the Red Sand, but Kankuro thinks he held his own even as poison courses through his veins and slows his heart.

He loses track of everything - but he hears, Team Gai came to Gaara’s rescue, that Naruto and Sakura came, and that together they saved himself and Gaara but not before Shukaku was extracted from his prison inside Gaara. They all look haggard, destroyed and ragged even as they pay their respects to Granny Chiyo at her funeral pyre. Kankuro himself is still weak - where the hell Sasori got such a poison from is under investigation, the ingredients are rare, too costly for a missing nin to afford, and even Granny Chiyo had never seen it before which meant to figure out a way to synthesize the poison would be a high priority in the Poisoners Guild - but he takes the time to thank the Konoha teams before they go.

There’s no talk of a rematch this time, altogether too tired to try and maintain such a peaceful pursuit when it is very likely war is on the horizon. They have preparations to make, and Kankuro prays to the Sage they'll have time after it's all over.

He doesn’t see her again until after; when they are dressed in black and attending Neji’s funeral, battered and bruised and broken in a thousand different ways under the steady gloom. Neji died a hero, fitting the man Kankuro had known. He himself is injured, his arm sling not unusual in the crowd - residual nerve damage from senbon to his arm that even the Hokage or any of her apprentices can do much to heal, though he’s been told physical therapy will fix the rest of the damage - and so is Tenten but in very different ways. She’s exhausted, both in chakra and emotionally. Kankuro tries not to think about the fact she had been offering moral support to Lee and Gai without her other sane teammate to round out their odd interplay. He hesitates, but gamely goes over to offer his condolences to Tenten, to do his socially awkward best to distract. Gaara and Temari are busy doing political things, and Lee needs to take Gai sensei for physical therapy, so they go alone for tea at the only open tea shop.

It’s already packed with people dressed in black - a good day for business, as it were; Kankuro thanks the Sage that in Suna they cremate and mass cremation was preferred to save wood. The black tea is good, and Tenten nurses hers as they sit in silence. Her own limbs are jumpy, muscles twitching at random. Probably from the Treasured Tools of the Sage; Kankuro is in awe that Tenten managed to wield any of those items and not die, and that she has four of the five items in her possession at all a minor heart attack lying in wait. He wonder if she knows how powerful that makes her, though it’s more than likely she would trade that power for her teammate back.

She’s the one to speak first, “Sorry, I’m sure you didn’t come to sit with someone who’s morose.” It’s self depreciating, a slight weakness to the words that wobbles but firms as she continues to speak. “It’s just -.”

It’s awkward, and he needs to stop the words threatening to bubble out. “It’s fine. I - Neji is - was a good friend. I didn’t know him for half as well as you did, I’m sure his passing is painful.”

A shallow smile, grey like her eyes. It’s wrong it’s own right. “I’m sure you have your own dead to mourn.” A deflection, polite demurral. Her fingers rattle against her tea cup, the liquid trembling but Kankuro is sure that she doesn’t notice or she would quickly stop it from showing.

He instead shrugs, “Suna - we don’t mourn like in Konoha. We tell stories, remember the good and the bad. After, when we all went back, we cremated the dead and had a night long vigil around the pyre telling stories about everyone.” He takes a sip of tea; it’s lukewarm now, but perhaps that’s necessary. “It’s like what Granny Chiyo used to say - only idiots and fools lose water and salt by crying in a desert.” Probably a version of the shinobi rules, about not crying, but it made sense. Laughter was free, dehydration had a cost.

Tenten nods slowly, but Kankuro can tell she doesn’t get it. He didn’t expect she would, Konoha is lousy with water. A little dehydration isn’t as big an issue. Instead he nods to her twitchy arms. “Leftover from the Treasured Tools?”

Tenten starts, before grimacing. “I blew my chakra pathways. Too much chakra was sucked up in high volume to use them - chakra or the Tools - for the foreseeable future.” Fingers dig in harshly to muscle as if to try and massage back functionality, press the shake from her forcibly.

He waggles his arm in it’s sling at Tenten, “At least it’s not possible permanent nerve damage that even the Legendary Tsunade of the Sannin can’t fix immediately.”

Grey eyes assess carefully, quick and seeing altogether too much. “Physical therapy?”

Kankuro grimaces, “Physical therapy.” Tenten nods in commiseration - an ugly truth about a line of work where your body was your ultimate tool of your trade, but physical therapy sucked something awful due to the boredom. And when your usual methods of dealing with boredom were forbidden.... “I got told to practice calligraphy for the fine motor skills. I’m pretty sure Temari is going to make me write out the precepts of the Sage.”

Tenten stifles a giggle, as if the thought of Kankuro being forced to write out several dozen meters of text under the pretense of therapy is funny, then looks surprised at the sound as if she hadn’t been aware she could even.

It’s a familiar look - Kankuro has seen it countless times on those who survived dangerous missions under his father’s reign, as if they didn’t know how they could be any form of happy when their friends were killed. He knows he’s watching too carefully now, trying to see the fractures that he knows exists, has seen split open and swallow more experienced shinobi whole, and he knows that she knows what he sees. She’s not an idiot, she’s probably been taught enough in the Academy, in experience.

Something similar to resolve sets across her face. Her tea is slammed back like it’s suddenly seven times stronger and more fortified than it ought to be. “Okay, let’s do this.”

He doesn’t even have time to ask what ‘this’ is before he’s being pushed out the tea shop. He prays to the Sage it’s not something ridiculous - though Konoha so it’s more likely than not.

‘This’ turns out to be a dozen or so bottles of sake (where Tenten even got them is up for debate), a blanket and a secluded spot on top of Hokage mountain. Kankuro isn’t even sure he’s allowed to be up here, but Tenten on a mission is not to be gainsaid by such things as logic. Probably her Konoha coming out properly, Kankuro laments, but at least it's useful.

Which is how Kankuro finds himself nursing a very potent bottle of alcohol and watching the stars come out as Tenten talks. Starting with Neji stories - some not flattering, at his pubescent misogyny that Tenten had to beat out of him early in their genin days; some sobering, like his complex about the Main Branch of the Hyuuga Clan and Hinata; some outright hilarious, like the time in Hot Springs where Neji ended up crossdressing to infiltrate a brothel since he lost rock paper scissors- but all fond washed with pain. Kankuro has never laughed so hard at the moments of hilarity, serving up his own counterpoint details of Team Gai’s Suna adventures, remembering the best and worst of their comrade - the time Kankuro had convinced Neji that scorpion was a Suna delicacy and Neji had gingerly eaten a whole scorpion before one of Gaara’s terrors broke; the sheer haughtiness he had served the Suna Elders when they had inadvertently crossed his temper. Somehow once they’ve exhausted Neji stories - his pride and his humor, to his odd seriousness that inevitably fell prey to Gai and Lee and their... shenanigans but was compatible with Tenten’s cool social awareness and rationality, his care that remained deeply buried until his respect was won -  the conversation naturally turns to more personal topics, like the inherent difficulties with being on a team with people who are all focused on the same style -there’s a reason Kankuro is awful with hand to hand and Tenten forced herself to learn distance to learn distance techniques, and they bemoan the sheer idiocy of people who assigned teams. “Who thought putting three people who specialize in close quarters combat without any avenue of back-up was a good idea! Zero balance!”

“Like three people who all do ranged combat are any better balanced? It’s asking for that whole team to get ambushed and killed.” Kankuro flops a hand in Tenten’s direction indignant at the lack of planning, “Half the reason I will never spar you in hand to hand is that I don’t have a death wish.” It’s more of a confession than he intended, but she laughs and laughs and laughs until tears sparkle in the corners of her brilliant steel eyes.

The topics meander as they get drunker; more and more honest and revealing. From weird hobbies - Kankuro admits to liking to paint, Tenten to working in her parent’s forge - to favorite foods, to the more personal. Like heroes, “When I was young, in the Academy, I wanted to be like Tsunade-sama.” She gesticulates wildly with the bottle, curled up around her knees like they’re the only thing keeping her upright. “The best medic - didn’t have the chakra control for it, but the idea was there. To be the best kunoichi at something, to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient as a kunoichi and not ...,” her vocabulary flags under the weight of alcohol, then recovers, “Dependent! Not some damsel in distress fawning over shinobi with hearts in her eyes, you know?”

Kankuro knows, because Temari is of the same opinion. As was Rasa, but that had been more general and applicable to every shinobi of Suna; Konoha was weird in their promotion of friendship and bonds but it had saved the world just now, so maybe there was something to it? He just nods at Tenten, “I wanted to be better than Sasori of the Red Sand. Best Puppeteer to ever come out of Suna, legendary.” The unsaid ‘and I beat him after he acknowledged my skills, then repurposed his sorry excuse of a body into my own puppet for my own ultimate technique’ was probably abundantly apparent, so Kankuro finishes lamely. “And you are the best with bukijutsu - you wielding the Heavenly Tools with real skill? No one else comes to mind being able to do that. And you worked hard to achieve that.”

Tenten laughs, and it is full bodied and warm, like the residual warmth of the sands outside after the sun has gone down but before it truly gets cold with nightfall. He’s deep in his bottle, Kankuro knows, because she is bright like fine steel and rings with it. “To working ourselves to the point where we’re the best!”

“To hardwork,” Kankuro agrees, and they clink their bottles together for the umpteenth time that night. The stars are especially bright in the forests of Konoha, he thinks, all strange and unknown and like pieces of desert glass with lightning trapped inside. Foreign, but comfortable and familiar in their own right. Tenten’s heat is close enough to reach out and touch, but Kankuro holds himself back, holds himself away. It still feels like he can feel her, though, and the phantom sensation of touch haunts his dreams.

Dear Tenten -

I hope your hangover isn’t half as bad as mine. Why either of us thought it was a good idea to drink half a dozen bottles of sake apiece is beyond me, but it might be the headache. Temari refuses to let any medic heal me, so I get to head back to Suna with a headache.

Gaara is currently flying everyone via sand, which is twice as fast as walking to everyone’s pleasure. I’m proud of how far he has come, not only as my Kage, but as my brother. That he was strong was never in doubt, but how much his strength has grown is amazing in its own right, and that he supports everyone in Suna to become strong in turn is something no one would have ever imagined back then.

Maybe that’s the nature of strength - it cannot be gained without support, but also requires weakness somewhere so that you can grow.

Maybe that’s why Konoha shinobi get so crazy strong. They have support to be weak and struggle instead of collapsing under the weight of their deficiencies.

We’re finally stopping for lunch; maybe Temari will let me have some coffee now.

Sincerely,

Kankuro of Suna

Dear Kankuro -

Please tell Temari to never withhold coffee from you again; you get more philosophical than you are drunk. Except that time, you gave a speech about why children are monsters and should be quarantined from the populace until they were moderately human and at least age ten. You might be right about strength.

I’ve enclosed a new experiment - coffee pills, like soldier pills but coffee. Maybe it will help with the rebuilding. Let me know - I’m trying to get out of kitchen duty.

Sincerely,

Tenten

Dear Tenten -

Gaara and Temari have agreed that the pills are edible and useful, but prone to keeping people awake for days on end after consuming one. They’d like to get an order immediately; how quickly can you put together a legion’s worth of pills? I’ve sealed several pounds of fresh Suna coffee beans in the seal attached, please let me know if you need more.

Suna is reconstructing well; we’re nearly done with the infrastructure, and many residential buildings are taking shape - stucco is easy to make and apply once the base structure is in place, though that is the slow step - but the aqueducts are proving difficult. The Puppeteer Brigade best are going out to see what can be done; getting running water is integral to getting our people out of the disaster shelters and into their homes again. At least the sewage system is largely intact. How goes rebuilding Konoha?

Sincerely,

Kankuro

P.S. - Gaara wants me to put in a request to the Hokage that he has spare metal and is willing to trade for wood.

Dear Kankuro -

I’ve sealed in the requested coffee pills on the page attached, with clear health advisory instructions per Tsunade-sama and Sakura’s request. Follow the directions closely, we’ve had people overdose. I’m glad to hear they were effective!

Konoha is rebuilding quickly - our mokuton user is rebuilding as fast he can, and with the manual construction going quickly so we should be done with most of the central areas of Konoha by the time this letter arrives. That just leaves homes and other such buildings, then putting in the electricity and water and sewer connections, but even civilians can help with that.

I’ve heard a lot about the aqueducts of Suna - a real technological marvel supposedly built by the first Kazekage when he founded Suna, carrying water naturally just by physics. I hadn’t know they were still functional.

I hope all this letter writing has helped with physical therapy - it’s definitely helped me with mine. I wrote this entire letter with chakra strings while working in the forge - sorry for any misspellings. We’re going through a lot of nails.

Tsunade-sama is sending wood and hopes the Kazekage will let her know if Suna needs more; we’ve got plenty to spare even with our buildings being built.

Sincerely,

Tenten

P.S. - Tell Temari I have included some fresh saury in the other seal attached; we got a shipment and I know her birthday is coming. Please tell her happy birthday for me!

P.P.S. - Matsuri asked after some Uzu-style kanzashi. The only things I could find were some new designs that Orochimaru and Sound created, but the basis seems to be Uzu-style. I included the notes Kabuto created, but it seems to be designed to anchor genjutsu or henge. Maybe she’ll be able to figure it out.

Kankuro doesn't notice the months flying by; not consciously anyways. There’s enough to arrange and get done in those early days, then keeping everything running, in managing and arranging and meeting after meeting when being the Master of the Puppeteer Brigade falls on him by way of he's the highest ranking Puppeteer left after and that means doing double duty while trying to keep Gaara in some modicum of health.

By which, Kankuro means he finds himself rolling up his sleeves to do rebuilding work, talking to other veterans and civilians about what needs to be done and mediating minor arguments, pulling all nighters with his siblings more often than not, trying to get on top of the piles of paperwork that multiply every time Kankuro looks away from the stacks. Or he’s busy traveling with Gaara to the Daimyo’s Court for meetings where a lot of filthy rich courtiers do a lot of talking but not much is said, or even accomplished.

Tenten keeps writing, and Kankuro keeps writing back. A bastion of sanity when everything was insane and jubilant, now broken in and comfortable. It’s an internal lightness when he gets a neatly folded letter in the mail, however much he tucks it away. Her wit peeks through in puns and sly observations, as does her sheer nerdery over weapons as she collects and masters them, and the postmarks on her letters travel to lands far and wide to bely how far she goes in her pursuits. He can hear her clearly in her words, a comfort and a blessing, and it’s so simple to paint a clear picture of her and everything around her. He finds himself asking after people he’s only really met a few times, laughing at the capers they get into, and telling Tenten about Suna’s own when she asks, when other Suna shinobi ask after her. They meet up but rarely in person - Suna often a short stop on Tenten’s travels but always one that feels too short no matter how much time they spend together, sparring and shopping and sharing news. She shares photographs, when she can, of landscapes and food and sights that he carefully keeps out of what is probably sentimentality. He's old for a shinobi, after all, and won’t have a chance to go so far away unless there’s a particularly high ranking mission.

It's the longest, easiest continual correspondence Kankuro has ever kept up, even though it earns him teasing from Temari and Gaara. Mostly Temari, who both supports the fact Kankuro is “finally making friends outside of his puppets” (Gaara looks so proud, Kankuro hasn’t the heart to correct them that they’re friendly rivals) and also teases him about “having a crazy Konoha girlfriend” (he swears he doesn’t blush at that), but Kankuro has ammunition in the form of Shikamaru (actual crazy Konoha boyfriend) and the observations Tenten passes along so he breaks even most days. Sometimes he worries this is a long con on Konoha’s part, a ploy to get someone close to Gaara to reveal Suna secrets, but that kind of paranoia died with his father. Maybe. Kankuro hopes anyways - Tenten isn’t truly suited to infiltration work. Besides, his siblings and other Suna ninja seem to like her where they treat most everyone else with a healthy level of caution, and that will have to be good enough.

Time still passes, from one emergency to another, one and then it's almost a year to the day that Suna was rebuilt and Gaara prepares for the Kage Summit in Kumo. Kankuro has spent most of this as the public face of the Kazekage, mingling with the other shinobi and carrying their opinions to Gaara in between meetings, with small breaks for his own missions and personal recreation, and he’s looking forward to the Summit. Tenten had mentioned she’d be joining back up the Konoha contingent in Kumo to travel back after a mission, so maybe they can get lunch and discuss the latest chapter of the mange they both read. The last arc had some interesting indications towards the next arc, and Tenten said she had a theory about how the protagonist was going to power up.

He packs carefully, making sure his clothing is neat and not too worn, nothing with visible patches or holes or even slightly discolored from too many washes. He even makes sure his weapons are sharp and free of rust even though he does so weekly without fail and there’s been no time for rust to form. Tenten usually keeps herself out of any photos she takes, and he has to wonder if she’s going to be recognizable, or if she will have changed from when he last saw her. If she’ll be up for a spar - Kankuro has ideas about how to get past elemental jutsu like wind release that Tenten might like to discuss. He formulates arguments and explanations as the travel across the countries - this train idea is really quite something. If only they could figure out a way to get it to resist sand getting into the gears it would be amazing for trade and tourism to Kaze no Kuni as a whole.

Tenten doesn’t expect to be in Kumo until the last day of the Summit, so he spends his time there taking careful note of who says what and how all the Great Elemental Nations are faring. It’s more relaxing - for a given value of - than the last Kage Summit, where he’d had to stay on high alert of attack from the other parties and outside threats; the other people in attendance are just as dedicated to keeping every person alive as he is. He manages to catch up with a few shinobi of other nations that he’d fought with, a shinobi from Kiri who now has an eye patch but has better aim for it, a duo of ninja who invite him out for drinks and then drink him under the table, a kunoichi from Iwa shows him a picture of her son and he politely congratulates her on the birth even as he internally recoils. If Tenten had been there she would have been struggling to hide her humor at the situation he’d found himself in even as she exclaimed over the infant.

He’s one day out from her estimated arrival when the missing nin break in and cause chaos. From some ironic luck, they burst through the street at the same time that Gaara is near. The fight is quick and ruthless - Sand Coffins tend to be impossible for the average shinobi to break out of. Kankuro barely has to do anything, beyond intercepting a few stray kunai and shuriken. He despairs of the quality of the missing nin - no one’s tried a basic kunai on the Kazekage in a very long time since they patently don’t work - and their aim was awful. Were they aiming at stones? Might be the reason they’re missing nin - no one would get past genin with that level, and that level of poverty tended to be crippling.

Only Kankuro miscalculated and one of the missing nin was using paper bombs on his kunai. Gaara’s too near to throw up a defense in time, so Kankuro moves and hears the exhale of air as he collides then the sound of a massive explosion - homemade paper bombs then, and ones without the requisite limiter of course, Sage damn the imbeciles.

He wakes up under the tender care of Sakura, who looks unimpressed by Kankuro getting exploded. Considering that Kankuro has heard Tenten debating what makes the best explosion for paper bombs, and then subsequently discussing how often she had blown herself up during training, it might just be a Konoha thing to get blown up and then walk away. She does a perfunct check, then frowns. “There’s nothing wrong with you beyond the minor bruising left, but no sparring for at least three days while your ears finish recovering.You’re lucky your uniform kept the worst of the heat off you, you would’ve had a nasty burn scar otherwise.”

Which is saying something, since Sakura is the protege pupil of the Tsunade of the Sannin. He nods perfunctly, even though it leaves him dizzy, and voices his thanks. He’ll have to remember to send her some of the new poison and antidotes as thank you as well - no Puppeteer left debts, and especially not Brigade Master. It would be a moot gift, but the gesture would be appreciated.

Sakura huffs at him instead. “Temari and Gaara are waiting outside, but Tenten arrived early and said she’d be meeting you later this afternoon. No shenanigans!” It takes a moment to understand what she means by shenanigans, but when it registered Kankuro flushes like a bad sunburn.

He doesn’t get around to denying shenanigans - the door rattles open and Sakura sails out as Temari and Gaara stride in. They have his discharge papers, and his face paints. His hands are shaky as he paints on the lines, but Gaara helpfully sands the borders of the lines so the excess pulls away when the sand gets removed. A quick wind jutsu and the paint is dry instead of the good ten minutes it would normally take. He’s unsteady on his feet, but the puppet pieces Gaara and Temari help him fit into place around his knees and ankles as supports mean he can walk without showing exactly how bad off he is. Only the most astute of sensors would even catch he is using chakra, and even then would think it just a minor henge to hide a bandage not chakra strings keeping him upright and moving.

Which is why it’s a surprise he gets stared down by Tenten in a neat little tea shop in the merchant district with suspiciously good wagashi. She looks the same but different, more firm and sure than the last time he saw her, but fundamentally still Tenten. Her eyes keep flicking to the table top, like she can see the gears and the chakra strings keeping them in place and him motile, then making uncomfortably frank eye contact. Frustratingly, she doesn’t say anything, only keeps on discussing the finer points of her theory - which sounds completely improbable, it would turn the entire premise upside down - in between nibbles of spring wagashi and sips of green tea. In between breaking his brain with casual but gentle contact - the table is small and their legs are laced underneath and their arms knock and touch even when they don’t mean to - but Tenten doesn’t move to disentangle or break away, and it feels like the hugs he gets in greeting in Suna - normal.

They finally leave the tea shop when it closes and move two doors down to the izakaya for beers and barbecue, unwinding further into comfort - sans hood, sans bun, warm with alcohol and good company and now together on the same side of the table in the booth, stacked against one another like cards into a castle. By now they’ve exhausted the manga, the latest news out of Suna and Konoha, the latest news in their personal lives, a lively multi-nation participation argument over which particular quarry in Iwa gives the best polishing and sharpening stones (as well as the corollary discussion on which quarry produces the Best of either category),a several hour discussion of Kankuro’s theory about getting around wind jutsu - Tenten wants to test them out, but no one in the area is good at Wind jutsu, as well as some of the new technology (mostly trains - Tenten thinks they could do with major improvements since they’re moving targets for ambush, Kankuro is more concerned with getting trains near to Suna), and have just left when a flicker of the electric streetlights startles him enough to stall one of the gears and he stumbles unnaturally.

Tenten guides him to a nearby bench, and it’s irritating like sand in one’s sandal - something that at first isn’t but then abrades and abrades until you have a rash or burn on your heel and hobble everywhere, only in his mind not on his skin. It’s the work of a moment for her to crouch and roll up his jumpsuit’s leg to reveal the cogs and the faint traces of his chakra strings that have been keeping him upright and moving. He's had to discreetly add more as the day wore on, to his hips and his spine and shoulders and maybe this is how Sasori began, building himself a puppet to live in. Kankuro tamps down the thought and instead focuses on the featherlight touch of calluses and fingertips as they ghost over skin unnecessarily suddenly sensitive.

It's an odd sensation, and he's immediately aware of how this must look to the passersby who glance sideways and do shinobi double takes just to make sure they saw what they saw. By morning everyone even minutely clued into the ninja gossip network will know about this, but wildly blown out of context and with things that didn't happen to spice things up. Kankuro can feel the safe sex refresher talk Temari is going to give him (again) already, and Gaara’s deadpan stare.

It's a more minor concern, comparatively; Tenten is poking things that shouldn't be poked, and as clinical as her face is it's highlighted in novel ways by the strong electric lights from beautiful into something angelic. Kankuro is glad for the tint to his base face paint - he's sure his face is burning with excess blood. And by the Sandaime’s Iron, there go a few Suna jounin - Kankuro is never going to live this down. He’s pointedly not looking at Tenten when she taps his knee twice. “There there, whatever you do don’t throw your head back and groan.” The implication hits and Kankuro is mortified.

“Think if I ask nicely enough, I can get Onoki to Particle Release me into the Pure Lands?” Kankuro tries to keep his voice level and his face straight, but he fails because he can hear Tenten laughing at him under her breath even as she pulls down his pant leg.

“Don’t worry, I’m never going to get Ino off my back about this either.” It’s sympathy, in the clearest sense. Tenten offers her shoulder, but Kankuro declines, instead cycling the gears as he gets to his feet. It’s smooth, so he gestures towards the way they had been headed, and it feels natural to link hands.

It’s quiet between them as they steadily traverse the steadily emptying streets towards the guesthouses their contingents have been housed in. Not awkwardly so, thought it could easily be, but a full silence like the 3am silences Kankuro has with his siblings when it is far too late and they are tired but they have miles of paperwork to go before they can rest. Maybe it's that familiarity that makes Kankuro think he can invite Tenten into his room, that reminder of warmth and steel and diamond tucked into living flesh and bone.

He might've underestimated his remaining strength, within minutes he's flagging, but she is too. They've been debating the finer points of the political discussions ongoing during the Summit - Onoki is off his rocker with some of what he's saying, but A had some excellent points in rebuttal which surprises everyone - when Tenten speaks into the soft inky darkness, lights long gone out. “Why hide that you need braces?”

There's a vulnerable moment when Kankuro debates not answering, but the darkness is .... comforting. Like anything he says is confidential, no matter how honest or revealing. Not that Tenten would do so anyways - not with the serious revelations - but it's far more relaxing to be honest in the dark. “I'm the Master of the Puppeteer Brigade.”

A beat of silence, of what feels like no comprehension, and it's as good as an invitation to continue. “People in Suna didn't care for Rasa, not like how they care and love Gaara, and it was especially rough in the Brigade. Every achievement I made, I had to work twice as hard to get recognized. To get access, to get training, to get included. It... helped, a lot, since I ended up having to be twice as good as everyone else at a thing to be considered ‘acceptable’.” He pauses to breathe, pain clenching at his ribs. He doesn’t say how it had rankled then, how it rankles now to remember, how it still affects how the other Puppeteers interact with him and how it frustrates and angers in equal measure. “And now I'm Brigade Master.”

She echoes him with something uncomfortably like understanding. “And now you're Brigade Master.” More silence, then shifting that must be Tenten moving to sit upright. “Just because the position defaulted to you after... after. It doesn't mean you don't deserve it. You don't need to prove yourself by being strong or throwing yourself into danger.”

Per usual, Tenten cuts to the heart of the matter. His mind automatically protests, that she doesn't understand how much he dreamed as a child of wearing the Brigade Master face paint, how he enamored of the stories about the greatest Brigade Masters and their talents, their feats. That he, Kankuro of the Sand, doesn't measure up, not even by half, and he at least needs to do the job of Brigade Master well, protect the Kage and lead the Brigade by example. Strength cannot be gained without support.

But. She had spoken with understanding, as though she knew. He can't see her, but ninja training pays off sometimes for non-ninja applications, and he catches her free hand - oh he didn’t let go of the other earlier did he? A consideration for later. “You're the same. You earned your jounin status and the Heavenly Tools with skill and ability and hard work. You lasted longer using them - using more of them - than even a man on track to be a Kage.” The rest of his words taste fraudulent in his mouth - things he knows is true for Tenten but somehow not true for himself and it's unspoken but understood kicking off a round of argument is what neither of them want right now.

The night silence claims them both after that. Kankuro has to pretend when he wakes up curled cat-like small and Tenten starfished over him that he doesn't ache with fond memories of cuddling with his mother and sister and Uncle Yashamaru before Gaara was born. This is similar, yet different, less like coming home to sun-warm Suna sand and more like the wet green dappled sunlight of Konoha forests. The same but different.

They exit the building only to stumble upon Gai arbitrating a strength contest between Lee, B, and a very muscly man from Iwa. Temari murmurs under her breath as they approach. “Punishment Test of Youth.”

Lee seems to be on fire, with most of his clothes on. He seems to have lost sleeves at some point, but in comparison with B and the Iwa ninja - both in underpants - he's still clothed. Gai calls time and the three ninja who were counting the contestants’ one handed push ups declare the counts for the assembled crowd. Lee, unsurprisingly, has the most, and the other two lose the pants. There's screaming and photography flashes and Kankuro uses the cover to mutter back, “Who's being punished here, exactly?” That's more of B he's ever wanted to see.

Temari, who had eeled her way over, eyes the display - another contest starting - before rejoining, “I'm never going to unsee that.”

Tenten, meanwhile, seems to be enjoying herself - calling encouragement to her teammate, and placing intense bets with the nearest bookies. Kankuro taps her shoulder and disentangles his hand from hers to let her know he's headed away from this madness, and she waves him off cheerfully.

It isn't until lunch with both his siblings that Gaara baldly states, “When were you going to tell us about your girlfriend Kankuro?”

Kankuro nearabouts spits cloudberry juice across the table. “What girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend.”  

Temari and Gaara exchange speaking glances, but it's Temari who speaks. “Tenten. The person you're in a surprisingly healthy long distance relationship with?” Which. Temari is one to talk given Shikamaru and the wholly unnecessary “ambassadorial” trips that happen regularly.

He's sputtering and he knows it. “She's not my girlfriend!” Thank the Sage this suite is strictly for only the most trusted of the Suna shinobi, or rumors would fly. More rumors. Oh please for the love of Suna, let Gaara and Temari not have heard anything about last night.

“It’s fine, you know. You can admit it.” Temari raises a brow, and Gaara is giving Kankuro his most trustworthy face while not changing a single muscle in his face. “We’re not going to judge you or anything.”

“There’s nothing to admit!” His voice is strident, but he’s desperate. Why?

Temari raises the other eyebrow and starts ticking off things on her fingers, “Friendly rivals, have meaningful conversations, support one another physically and emotionally, help each other improve - I saw that taijutsu manual you got last year, keep up dedicated correspondence for years and remember people in each other’s periphery, make plans to meet regularly, share interests beyond work,  put up with each other’s crazy teammates as a matter of course, have long conversations that last well into the night, keep each other appraised of life developments in detail, send each other things for no apparent reason- and Gaara, I’m going to need more fingers.” Gaara obliges with a sand hand balled into a fist. “Near silent communication - I saw the three motion mime today that was apparently an entire message, hold hands, share food, spend nights together, and you’re willing to show your weaknesses to her, ” This has Gaara staring at him and Kankuro is wilting, “Have I made my point, or should I continue?”

Kankuro is sure she can continue. The sinking feeling in his stomach tells him that he really really doesn’t need her to continue, but his brain is unhelpful and wants to see just how far deep into the quicksand he’s gotten himself.

Gaara pulls out a self help guide. Kankuro has seen that guide before; Sai had been reading it, and now Kankuro is consumed by the urge to destroy the book before it taints his brother either by word or by contagion of Konoha. “According to this book, there are a few fundamental basics to a relationship. You have met over 90 percent of the listed requirements by Ino and Temari’s evaluation, and more besides.”

Sandaime’s Iron Sand, there is no saving Kankuro, or his sanity. “Gaara, if you love me, you'll kill me before one of the Elders hears and has political raptures.” Three seconds of blank stare and that’s an unequivocal no. “Temari, best sister of mine?”

“I’m your only sister. And no one is going to sell you out to an Elder, we’ve made sure of it.” Which means Gaara’s bloodthirsty hellions made watery eyes at everyone until they agreed or they stabbed people into agreement. Or both. Kankuro is never going to live it down. Matsuri and the rest are going to blackmail him for ages.

Kankuro throws down his napkin - what a glorious waste of linen, Granny Chiyo is probably screeching with horror in the Pure Lands - and declares, “I’m going to get some fresh air.” He doesn’t wait to be dismissed before barreling out of the suite, out of the building.

The park is nice and empty, good for thinking. He turns over the conversation in his mind, over and over and over and over in time to the push-release of the swing. Their words are haunting, not in their content, but the fact that his siblings aren’t wrong. What had felt natural, normal.... It looked a lot like a relationship. And that is all well and good, but Kankuro isn’t sure how he feels about that. Is it just normal, or is it because of something more?

Kankuro would be first in line to defend that Tenten is beautiful, desirable, bright and dazzling and someone he’s more at ease with than any of the various women he is set up to meet. Something as important as being able to share their time and enjoy it together, as being able to understand one another. But - dating? Romantic ....stuff? It’s true that some things Kankuro does can be construed as romantic, and maybe this is what Temari meant by trying to get him to make more friends because he would never have gotten himself into this mess if he had a better idea of what is normal, but nevertheless. The thought is warm, but still slightly off kilter like a epiphany - the small things he’s overlooked but that have been there, like knowing the shape of her face when she lets her hair down, the sound of her laugh in full, the calluses and rough worn places on her hands from the constant training, her warmth and the sensations she leaves in her wake, the voice he can hear clear as day in his head when reading a letter, knowing the small details off the top of his head when asked. It paints a picture not unlike something more, like what Temari and Gaara were talking about, and now that Kankuro has a frame to reference, he can’t lie and say he hates the thought. Yet -

He tries to imagine a daily life scenario like what his parents had before Gaara, but it sours quickly, even in his mind. Tenten loves her independence as much as Kankuro loves his own, and relationships have expectations. Like moving in together, sharing space constantly, among others that twist his guts with wrong-no-wrong. It’s already annoying, and it’s yet a hypothetical. Is this how Temari feels, about Shikamaru and the understood eventuality she’ll move to Konoha and be the permanent, resident ambassador?

It might not be worth worrying about - as far as he can tell Tenten is just interested in friendship? But is he reading the situation correctly? This is why he patently prefers his puppets - they’re straightforward and easy to figure out, unlike people.

Kankuro shakes himself from his thoughts at the sound of ninja quiet footsteps - he knows that silhouette, and what was that saying about summoning demons by name? And for once, the silence between them is tense - he can’t get those words out of his head, and everything is awkward like it’s never been before. “Can I sit?” He nods, and she takes up the free swing. There’s silence. “So Ino set up an Intervention.”

“I think my siblings did too.” More silence, and it’s strained. “So.”

“So.” The sunset is punctuated by the steady metronome of the creak of the swings.

“Does anything have to change? With us?” Kankuro winces - there were a million ways to phrase that, but he just had to choose the one that made it sound like it was a foregone conclusion there was an “Us” to speak of. “Not that there is an ‘us’, but ....” Open mouth insert foot, Kankuro, well done.

“... Do you want there to be an ‘us’?” Careful, but considering, like the thought hadn’t occurred until just now.

Not like Kankuro can hold it against her; it’s not like he has an answer himself, “I like what we have now. Does that mean an ‘us’?”

More quiet, this time with the opening strains of people hurrying home, or to the bars and izakayas, the sound of places closing or opening and the warmth of the change between afternoon to twilight. “ I like what we have now too, whatever you want to call it. But I can’t ever imagine doing something like Karui, or Temari -” She cuts herself off, as if she’s revealed too much.

“I could never ask you to; it would .... it’s anathema to who you are.” It doesn’t need to be said that Kankuro can’t leave Suna either - won’t leave, refuses to leave. They’re both too loyal to leave their Village, to stubborn to choose anything but their home, and too independent to accept having to leave. Too independent to enjoy being in each other’s pockets constantly. “So.”

“So. They say we’re in a relationship. Or dating, at least.” Tenten sighs, before straightening her spine. “Why are we even listening to anyone else anyways?”

He shrugs, “I’m socially awkward and they’re all terrifying?” It startles a giggle out of her, and it breaks the tension into a feeling more reminiscent of their normal.

“Temari and Ino are terrifying. But it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily right.” Kankuro will pay good ryo to have Tenten say that to Temari’s face. He’ll mention the possibility later. “Do we agree we both like what we have now? Whatever label is applicable, we don’t care?” She pauses and stares at him, and Kankuro hastily agrees. “Then we don’t have to change anything unless or until that changes.”

He nods his agreement. “Thank the Sage. Want to check out the festival the Summit organizers mentioned?” It’s almost second nature, now, after just a few days, to hold out his hand and know the feel of her palm against his, the warmth of her against him.

Tenten smiles and takes his hand to pull along in the direction of the sprawl of lights just now turning on. Kankuro is happy to follow along, and it strikes him then that there was a time when he thought Tenten was unremarkable, unmemorable. He is far from the genin he was then, but he can’t help but know that he will never not remember her again. The feel of her laughter tucked against his shoulder as they bounce from group to group together to talk to friends, the casual intimacy she offers and accepts in turn as they separate and find each other in the crowds later, the sound of her words against his ear and the hard-earned calluses that mark her as a master of her craft at the fish catching booth. He can only wonder about what shape he’s left in her life, but it doesn’t matter so much since they’re in accord that they’ll be able to fall into this routine as they want, when they want. It feels new and light and careful made like a fresh blade, like a thousand glittering bits of chakra woven into the fireworks bursting overhead. A million strings connect Kankuro to a trillion different things, but perhaps, indelibly, there are a few thousand between them sunk deep and unwavering, whatever it’s called. He finds he doesn’t mind in the slightest.

#kankuro #tenten #kankuten #naruto gift exchange #for tweet #i hope you like it! #this was a doozy to write #garbage rivalry turned romance #i guess #art writes

[keishajay]

I meant for this whole review to go in one post, but damn, I had a lot of complaints, way more than I thought once I started writing them down.  Some are nitpicky; most are related to characters and writing choices.  For the fans of this series, I did enjoy this series for what it is, but I’ll never defend it as great literature.  It’s Sharknado levels of fun, and I live for stupid shit like that.  For the haters, enjoy.  Oh, and spoilers ahead.

Now, on to the cons, and hoo boy, are there a lot of them.  First, I was shocked to see this was labeled book 7 and not 6.  I had no interest in reading Tower of Dawn, as it was marketed as a side story novella.  Kingdom of Ash expects you to have read it and spends little to no time explaining who all these new characters are.  It’s not confusing, just annoying for those of us not invested in Chaol’s story enough to read the novella.  If you like Chaol, more power to you.  I just didn’t care enough about what was a sure outcome to waste my time reading a novella about him and only him.  Nesryn goes with him as well, but she was barely a character in the fifth (fourth? I don’t know anymore) book, more a cool background piece than a real person.  That’s not nearly enough for me to pick up an entire book.

Maas brings in four new “personalities” from Tower of Dawn that really just take up space and fawn over Aelin, just like everyone else.  Hasar is just a crabbier version of Aelin; Sartaq loves Nesryn and that’s it; Yrene is Chaol’s wife who’s a healer and that’s it; and Borte likes arguing with her fiance.  They might be more interesting in ToD, but here, they just read like cardboard cutouts.  They’re unnecessary and boring.

And speaking of unnecessary, there are WAY too many POV characters in these books.  What started with a handful of mostly essential characters has now become a library’s worth of them.  Even Lysandra’s ward, Evangeline, gets a couple POV bits to herself. Why?  They added nothing to the story aside from remind us that she was there and still alive.  More POVs should only ever be added to further the story or themes.  I kid you not, Elide and Lorchan are together for 90% of the last two books, and for some reason, they both have POV chapters.  Elide was already established and should’ve been the only one necessary, but you know, Lorchan’s hot so we should hear him angst too.  And that is all he does, by the way, angsts over Elide.  Hell, by the end, I was a little surprised Abraxos didn’t have his own POV chapter.

Maas also adds nonsensical things in to ramp up the drama.  The worst offender is the character Darrow.  He and TWO other old men boss Aedion around throughout this entire book, because... reasons, I guess.  They don’t recognize Aelin as queen, fine.  But they’re three old dudes against Aedion, who literally commands their entire army and the fire-bringer all the people in their whole country rally to.  If anyone can give me a logical reason why Aedion didn’t just ignore every order they attempted to give him, I’m all ears.  Instead, he tiptoes around them constantly and outright steals his own army from under their noses to do what he wants anyway.  Why?  They all know damn well Aelin is the rightful queen and they wouldn’t even have an army without her and Aedion.  She could crush them under her thumb, and they all know that too.  Hell, Aedion’s treason would even be forgiven in moments when she took her throne back from... no one.  Darrow isn’t even trying to be king of Terrasen.  He just doesn’t like the idea of this bratty teenager being his queen, and who can blame him?  Yeah, I know she wants her country to be different, but she can’t change anything from the sidelines when the old rules are the only things keeping those men in power over her.  There is no good reason for Aedion to obey any of their orders.  They can do nothing to stop him, and they all know it.  They are literally only there so Aedion has someone besides Lysandra to be pissed off at.

Speaking of Aedion being pissed off at Lysandra.  For the haters out there, yes, he has every right to be mad at her.  She may not have been the one to come up with this insanity, sure, but she knew Aelin suspected it might be necessary.  Telling the one person who foams at the mouth anytime someone gets within spitting distance of his cousin that maybe something terrible could happen to her, making this plan necessary, should be at the top of your to-do list.  She knew damn well what she was doing and how he would react the entire time Aelin was teaching her to play pretend.  He should be angry with her for not telling him what was going through Aelin’s head, not for following the orders of their queen.  Yes, him throwing he naked out in the snow was a major dick move, and I’m glad that she didn’t let him forget it.  What I don’t condone is his reaction to seeing Aelin again.  He just hugs her like nothing ever happened.  He’s an asshole to Lysandra for months, but he just forgives Aelin for everything as soon as he sees her.  I’m sorry but no.  I would’ve forgiven the entire conflict between him and Lysandra being tedious if he had just punched her in the face before he hugged her.  God knows she deserves it for all the shit she’s pulled over the course of six books.

So, I hate Aelin Galathynius.  Like straight up hate her.  She went from being a brat in the first few books to being the worst case of Mary Sueitis I have ever seen outside of self-insert fanfiction.  First, she’s a secret princess, a “twist” anyone with a brain could see coming.  She’s also somehow the best at everything she does, even though she shows no evidence of any of it.  How does the country’s best assassin get caught?  On top of that, how does anyone even know who the country’s best assassin is?  Shouldn’t hiding your identity be rule number one in the assassin handbook?  This shit-licker could’ve been any happy-ass teenager with a knife pretending to be this famous assassin when they caught her.  How would they know?  Answer, they shouldn’t have any idea (that would’ve also made for a much more interesting story).  So, not only is she the best at everything she tries for reasons, she’s also the only one in the whole damn world with fire magic, the only thing that can hurt the demons for a majority of the series.  And she doesn’t just have regular old everyday fire magic.  No, she has fire to rival fifteen suns going supernova at the same time.  She’s also the prettiest and smartest and nicest and snarkiest and funniest girl in the world.  She outsmarts someone thousands of years old who could’ve snapped her neck or dropped her in to a literal Hell with a flick of her wrist.  But no, Princess Mary Sue wants her new boytoy free, so the villainess has to get tricked into letting him go.  Now, let’s not forget she’s also the Chosen One who deus ex machinas her way out of sacrificing herself because no one can do anything without her there to save the day.  Seriously, no one ever wins anything unless she’s there.  It happens more than once in this book.  Her boytoy and company show up to rescue her from aforementioned villainess just as she’s breaking herself out, and they can’t get her chains off until she somehow shows them how to unlock them.  She then proceeds to get them out of the country through her magic of summoning deus ex machinas whenever she needs one, and they arrive just in time to rescue Chaol and Nesryn from certain doom.  She stops a cascading river with fire because science, and when all hope is lost back home, she shows up on a magical white deer with the Rohir- oops, I mean her army.  She also somehow holds off two of the most powerful creatures in the world with her assassin skills and barely any magic, because... villains have to lose, I guess.  You know what Aelin loses by the end of the book?  Her humanity, which she suddenly cares about ten pages before it’s gone.  Aedion lost his father and at least half an army at his command.  Manon lost the only people she really cared about in the whole world, and she could do nothing but watch them sacrifice themselves.  And Aelin lost her humanity when she’s already been living as a fae since book 3.  Oh God, how will she ever survive such a loss?  She is actually the worst.

These books, this one in particular, are clearly written with a younger audience in mind (much younger than me at least, and I’m 30), and I strongly believe the target audience is girls.  There is so much description of how beautiful the men in this series are that it almost borders on obscene.  I do appreciate having a clear picture of what characters look like, but I do not need to know about all the rippling muscles and long fingers that all the men in this series seem to have.  Even bookworm Dorian is described as being oh-so-sexy even though he doesn’t appear to have ever handled a weapon in his life.  There is a lot of pandering to the female audience, especially with the sex scenes.  In a YA novel, these are pretty inappropriate.  She started with sex scenes being a fade-to-black kind of event, and now, almost every single one is described in disgusting detail.  I like romance as much as the next girl, but if I wanted soft-core porn, I’d read romance novels.  To top that shift off, she still insists on using “rutting” as a substitute for “fucking,” and I think that’s what bothers me the most about the whole change here.  They are completely interchangeable in every context, to the point where I just read “rutting” as “fucking” every single time.  This isn’t Brandon Sanderson’s silly but story-appropriate swearing.  It’s just lazy writing.  And detailed descriptions of sex are okay, but swearing?  Someone call Takamata.  We need to start the Inquisition. (History of the World reference for anyone confused.)

This story ends exactly as you should expect it to, with a happily ever after.  None of the main characters die, and those with names go out as sacrifices, which is honestly consistent with the rest of the deaths in this series.  The deaths we do get are mostly to make the main characters feel bad for no real reason.  Aedion even flat-out states that Gavriel could’ve stayed inside the walls, and there is no argument, author or characters, as to why he had to go outside.  At least the Thirteen’s sacrifice makes more sense.  It was still pretty dumb to have them go out at all, but I don’t know if I could come up with a better way to destroy those witch towers.  What they did was noble and understandable in context, though there were probably any number of ways it could’ve been avoided.  I’ve seen Desolation of Smaug.  Just drop a dragon/whale/elephant-Lysandra on top of the tower before they even get it fixed up to move again.

One last complaint that I have regarding the ending is largely the villains.  There are three of them, and all three kind of go out like bitches.  Erawan, the dickhead pulling the strings since book 1, gets tricked and healed to death.  There are a lot of millennia-old creatures getting tricked into doing stupid things in these books.  Manon’s grandmother (who never gets a name by the way) gets blown up by Asterin.  Honestly, hers was probably the most satisfying end of the three because Asterin got the vengeance she deserved for her hunter and child.  Maeve somehow became the biggest threat halfway through the series, and she meets her end in the most extravagant fashion, impaled by Fenrys and then decapitated by Aelin and burned to ash.  What irritates me most about Maeve is she could’ve been great.  If anyone has read the manga, Magi, you know what I’m talking about.  Maeve is discount Gyokuen with half the threat and less than a quarter the sense.  Where Gyokuen is highly capable, both as a fighter and a politician, Maeve is kind of a pushover who gets tricked by our “heroes” numerous times.  She’s shown preparing for all sorts of unlikely eventualities, but she somehow can’t handle the plucky teenagers.  Give me a break.  From the moment you meet her, you know Gyokuen is going to be one of those bad guys that will require some clever thinking to defeat.  I felt like Maeve could just be snuck up on and murdered by anyone who knew her schedule.  Her last ditch effort against Aelin was clever, but other than that, she barely puts up a fight despite all the fear and hype she gets from almost every character in the book.

Now, like I said above, I did enjoy these books.  I don’t feel like my time was wasted or that I was manipulated by them at all.  I had fun with them the same way that I have fun with SyFy channel original movies.  The characters and story had so much more potential than what this amounted to, but I don’t hate this series at all.  Yes, the subplot with the gods was idiotic and unnecessary, but the valg were interesting as an enemy type.  Yes, the romance shoved down my throat could be awful at times, but some of the relationships were genuinely sweet.  Chaol and Dorian are the best bros, and I love Lysandra taking it upon herself to protect this little girl when she could’ve looked the other way.  Manon’s relationship with Asterin was great as well.  Do I wish it was better?  Absolutely.  Should it be boycotted by everyone?  Of course not.  Despite their problems, these books are fun, fluffy, popcorn movie fun, and sometimes, that’s just fine.

#kingdom of ash #throne of glass #spoilers #complaints #honest review

[meggannn]

cut for negativity about AC Odyssey cause I just need to bitch

the short version: I’m mad. and I can’t tell if it’s just my fault for having unrealistic expectations of Ubisoft.

the long version:

I fully expected a sequel to Bayek’s and Aya’s story and am massively, massively disappointed they aren’t treating them with more content like Ezio. this was my fault, I guess, because they never promised me anything and I did get my hopes up for another trilogy or at least one sequel with Bayek. crafting good protagonists then doing FUCKING NOTHING with them for the rest of the series is Ubisoft’s MO, but the fact that they have these two great characters that establish the entire Assassin Brotherhood and you just leave them right when their lives really become interesting… like, be honest with me. Aya/Amunet, an Egyptian woman, is the person who founded the Roman Brotherhood. Bayek, a medjay, founded the Egyptian brotherhood which eventually led (we assume) to an eventual migration to Masyaf Castle where the brotherhood became so recognized that it became a symbol around the world. given Aya’s statue in Monteriggioni, we can assume she’s remembered throughout their history as one of the founding members of the entire brotherhood. this is a non-white woman who you have established is integral to the founding of the faction around which the entire series is based, and then you drop her and her partner like hot potatoes right when things get interesting in their history. would it not, say, make sense? to follow up Origins up with a game set in perhaps Ancient Rome or Syria? featuring the brown woman or brown man who established the Assassins that spread across the world? maybe???? not to be overdramatic but for me this is like, emotionally on par with Bioware announcing Dragon Age 4 only to say we’re not going to Tevinter or Nevarra, and that none of the old DA2 or DAI characters are coming back, but instead DA4 is bringing us back to Ferelden and we’ll be running around the Hinterlands for another fifty hours. If you set up a game with the logical conclusion to follow your old protagonists’ journey, then like yeah… I will feel… mad… when you don’t… follow through with them… in the next game… and just go back… to more… fucking… European… locations… I just cannot get over the disappoint I’m feeling and it’s overwhelming any excitement I might have initially felt for a character like Kassandra.

I still loathe Ubisoft’s take on the RPG genre, particularly their combat system. it’s mostly my ongoing rivalry with the hitscan system. I don’t find it fun, but also in general it’s just not what I associate with AC games -- with AC, I know exactly what I’m getting. or lmao like, I used to. I don’t know what this combat is anymore. I liked knowing exactly what I’m getting. I liked not having to waste time on combat and inventory bullshit and my choices mattering -- I’d play a better RPG if I wanted that. I play AC to sneak around places and focus on the story and assassins I’m hunting. I mean the quest system in Origins was… not great, but definitely a step in an interesting direction, I’m not inherently opposed to all RPG elements here. I feel like they could improve it with more tweaking, but what I did not want was them to “tweak” it in the style of The Witcher or Dragon Age where choice determined how the actual story pans out. I’m not convinced Ubi can do it. I sound like a snobby exclusionist, I know. I just am finding it really hard to see Assassin’s Creed in the game we were shown. when I plan AC game, I want (and expect) an emphasis on stealth. everything I’ve seen is…… not that. I know, assassins didn't come until later, but you can’t tell me sneaking around was invented when Altair first did it. Origins tried to allow you choice in how could approach a mission, but everything from the wide, environment to the millions of fucking weapons they make you pick up  expected you to fight a fair amount of the time. it’s not, to be fair, unrealistic, considering Bayek’s background as a medjay. I suspect the same reasoning will be made for Kassandra and Alexios. so much effort was put into revamping their combat system with an expectation people would use it more, and now in Odyssey… no… hidden blades…? call it a new IP set in Ancient Greece, I’d be way more receptive, but I don’t like that the game mechanics and simplicity that I grew attached to, the ones that made up the AC brand, is now -- apparently -- gone for good. I liked that shit. It was easy! I knew what I was getting into! I’m not thrilled how instead of dialing back from Origins, they’re just charging ahead deeper in the same direction re: combat complexity. I find it overwhelming and I’m not gonna use half the shit you give me. it took me like fifty hours to learn what signs were in The Witcher 3, even later for potions, and another twenty to actually start using them, cause it was just too much.

now i’m ready to complain about the main characters. sorry. yeah, it does bother me that there’s no set character. one staple of AC for me is that even if it’s fantasy, it’s historical fantasy; you’re given a predetermined character and watch them grow into an assassin and make their mark on history. it’s beyond strange to now see that that role is… flexible. Someone on reddit phrased my unease a very good way: there’s one scene in, I believe it’s AC Brotherhood, where Desmond is jerked out of the Animus after he witnesses the attack on Monteriggioni. Desmond immediately wants to go back, he’s yelling for them to let him back in the Animus so he can go back and save those people caught in the attack. Lucy takes him and gently says, “Desmond, those people are dead. They’ve been dead for centuries.” part of the series is how you can’t change the past with the Animus: you’re only viewing it. it already happened centuries, millennia ago, all of it is set in stone. all you can do, all you should do, is learn from what they did and work to make what went wrong, right. this new choice system with the ability to ‘change’ the past, via Layla’s new Animus system is… just bizarre. I don’t know. what’s the plot excuse for it? is there really going to be narrative payoff or explanation, or is it just so Ubisoft can rebrand the franchise an RPG?

it’s another thing that the dialogue choices themselves I’m seeing aren’t particularly… I’m searching for a word here, but “natural”? the conversations read like all they did was write a scene conversation between two characters, then spit up the dialogue and make half of it optional instead. but the thing is it’s all stuff you need to know anyway, so making it ‘optional’ doesn’t even matter like it would in a BW game where the optional dialogue really is optional. in the Odyssey clips I’ve seen it just feels stilted and weird.

anyway call me a whiner, I fully own it, but another big thing is that I’m thoroughly sick of this strange trend of making it choosable between a man/woman protag as a side-step around commitment to diversity. most of the time it strikes me as… lazy is not the right word, because technically they’re doing more work. but it's becoming more apparent to me that devs are seeing it as a noncommitment to having a female lead. play as Sara or Scott Ryder, play as Emily or Corvo, play as Alexios or Kassandra. (Sara/Scott less so, cause BW is an RPG company where you’re MEANT to build on a character, and choosing a gender is a part of that, but you’ll see what I mean in a sec.) but anyway, yay, diversity. except you can play all three of those games without once playing a woman like you’re forced to play a man in other games -- my irritation is because it still allows people to avoid female protagonists entirely. like. my hope is to make a woman protagonist unavoidable? don’t make her optional. make her mandatory. give me more undeniable canon female leads. give me Aloys and Ellies and Laras and Chells and Faiths. if you want to know why I feel so strongly about this, it’s because: a. so long as there is a choice, it is inevitable that the male lead -- in this case Alexios -- will be promoted more and featured in marketing. how do i know, it’s because we’re already seeing it. they did the same thing with Scott Ryder. looking at the trailer or box cover for Odyssey and you’d have no idea you could play as a woman. (it’s a little too early to say the same for Cyberpunk 2077 marketing, but I’m getting the same vibe there.) it lets devs, say, feature male leads in the trailer, but female options only in the gameplay. guess which one gets promoted on the big screen in E3 presentations and which one is only viewed by people who actually seek out the game? b. I am already seeing people claim that Alexios is canon and Kassandra is “just the female option.” Ubisoft is not going to comment -- and therefore commit -- either way. usually there’s a half-hearted “it’s more realistic” explanation for why people see the guy as canon, but more often than not it’s just because he exists, and therefore, is assumed the “real lead.” I'd like to see games with a canon woman leading instead of an option where she might not exist at all. and honestly if there were more female leads I probably wouldn’t feel so bothered by this, but seeing men saying “I plan on playing Alexios and ignoring Kassandra the whole time” makes me want devs to give us more games where they’re forced to play a woman. sue me c. the thing is I know Ubisoft can get this ‘balance’ of man and women leads right, because they have already, once. sort of. Evie and Jacob was a great idea, because that story was one they shared, and one in which you had to play as both and had to understand both. refusing to play as one or the other was not an option, because they were a package deal. people who bitched and complained about Evie were forced to play as her anyway. their relationship and mutual involvement was crucial to the story because she, a woman, was crucial to the story.

I’m not even one to complain about this, I mean I even took all of the Andromeda animations in stride, but the Odyssey animation doesn’t look… great. poses, faces, mouth movements, are tellingly awkward. this time last year when they promoted Origins, I feel like it was in a better position, and Origins and Odyssey are both releasing/released in the fall? I dunno. I wouldn’t even be bothered by it because I’m not bothered by it with BW really, except it’s noticeable when it’s a step down from what I’m used to in the crisp, cleaner AC cutscenes I’m used to that aren’t just talking heads. I can’t help but feel it’s another downside of making dialogue optional instead of making scenes crafted every time: some things, like faces and idle dialogue animations, will be entirely automated,

BIG MAP! OUR BIGGEST MAP EVER!!!!!!!! EVEN BIGGER THAN ORIGINS, THE ONE WHERE HALF THE REGIONS HAD NOTHING BUT SAND!!! please stop. I’m so tired.

[beanymachine]

Voltron Season 6 Review

Hello, welcome to my Review! I hope what I say makes you think and see a different perspective on the show. If you want to say what you think I’d love to hear it! 

Anyways I’m going to list a lot of stuff I thought was well executed. The episodes did a good progression of an eerie feeling grow more and more. The first episode helps start this tone with Shiro getting headaches from Haggar, Lance dying and being revived, and Hunk learning more about the Galra’s history and culture. This and other parts of the episode help set up some important stuff throughout the season:

-What’s up with Shiro?

-Lance and Allura’s relationship and well as Allura and Lotor

-Culture

-And power (quintencess or however you spell it)

The second episode of the series then talks about Keith and his past, to start finishing the development of his character and the problems he had. Keith’s journey is also important as it leads to Lotor’s backstory and motives. Another thing the episode does is bring in a major theme of the season: Love.

Throughout the season we see how Lance deals with the fact that he IS in love with Allura and how Allura and Lotor are getting closer and closer. And we see how love can hurt when it doesn’t work out between two people, or when it isn’t reciprocated.

You know, like how Allura called out Lotor and made him flip his lid.

But we also deal with familial love. In Keith’s past we see how he was when he had a whole family and how they all loved each other (Keith was a baby so he’s really just goo goo ga ga). And how Krolia loves Keith and at one point hugged him to try to shield him from a wave of whatever.

There is also the very big and impactful scene where Keith and Shiro are battling and he tells Shiro to please stop because he’s his brother and that he loves him. It made the Possessed Clone Shiro twitch and hesitate, and then tried telling Keith to give up on him. And Keith even decides to die with him because he won’t leave him alone or give up on him, just like he did for Keith. And luckily the original Shiro and Keith are able to reunite.

Back to the tone of dread, the season does well building up to multiple climax points, like how Lotor’s dirty secret is found out, Clone Shiro being discovered as a clone and him and Keith fighting, the big battle with Voltron vs Lotor and how Lotor losing his mind, and him eventually being left to supposedly die in the quintencess realm.

The Animation was stellar (Haha get it? I’ll go now) with the fight scene of Clone Shiro vs. Keith, Lotor going mad, and the big Voltron fight.

Also it was a good choice to put Monsters and Mana for a breather episode right before things start going downhill.

Lotor’s fall into madness was excellent too along with his animation and expressions.

I’m also glad Hunk got a bit of spotlight. I know people say he doesn’t get much of a chance to rise and shine, but honestly do you really want to see him go through possibly a lot of emotional or physical pain? Plus it seemed like he was developed basically in the first season and pretty much fully developed I think. I can understand if people want more chances for him to shine. He did use his canon a lot in the last battle of this season so hopefully that will be enough for some. It’s enough for me at least.

With this being said, I’m now going to point out some things that I think could’ve been improved.

1. Keith’s abandonment issues and the two year timeskip, as well as the message sends.

Keith I’m sure is almost done developing and is almost whole like Pidge and Hunk. But the way it was done was good but left some stuff out.

First, the last season left off Keith’s relationship with his mom to be a startling new one that most would expect to be in anger and why Krolia left and the demand for answers. And we get that at the beginning of Razor’s Edge. However Keith doesn’t freak out as much as I’d suspect he would when he sees visions of his past. But what I do not like most is the two year time skip.

Keith apparently spends two years with Krolia on that space whale. That leaves many questions as to how he and Krolia talked about Keith’s issues. How did he deal with his fear that he’ll be abandoned or he’s not wanted, or that he thinks he has to prove himself useful and fast in fear of not being wanted? How did Krolia react and try to parent Keith in their strained relationship? Was their relationship even strained for long? If I found my space mom I never met before and she left me as a baby, and didn’t tell me immediately why she left, I’d be really upset and demand answers as fast as I could get it.

Also in this time Keith matured and grew. He became less hasty and when he case back to the team he immediately took the Black Lion without being scared of being a good leader or replacing Shiro. He grew that much! He went from point A to point B, but we never saw it. It’s a vital thing to see how he learned and healed from whatever he was dealing with, not just for viewers, but to perhaps reflect real life as well. I think we should’ve seen it in case anyone was dealing with the same problems as Keith and understood him as well as his thinking from the help of his mom to grow, live, and move on.

Instead we get a timeskip and miss out two years of Keith’s life. And we STILL don’t know his relationship with his mom! Are the cool now? Does he understand and forgive her? Is he at least comfortable being around her or are they at least friendly? Or are they on good terms and on the path to having a good mother and son relationship?

Also, WHAT’S THE DOG’S NAME??? Keith basically took a two year vacation with his mom and had a dog of his own. Like he got to live a little bit of the childhood that he lost without his mother. And I think that’s pretty important. It is a nice thought of how Keith got to be happy, heal, and relax with a dog he got to have and probably loves, while spending time with his mom. But we don’t know if it’s really that or he just was stuck on a whale with his unknown mom and his dog as his closest thing to a friend in a very awkward situation.

Not only that but there’s another message I don’t like as well. Maybe I interpreted wrong. It also may be a situation where one message can be sent or the other and both are equally important.

The idea that you need to know your past, who was in it, to find out who you are. Sure, the past crafts us into the person we are today, and anyone who is an orphan has the right to find out their past. But what you do in the present, and how you move on from you or others’ past mistakes to move forward is what makes you who you are. If you are trying to become a better person from mistakes you made, then you’ll slowly change into the person that you want to be.

It is good to know what runs in your blood and what race you are- Galra or Altean. But it matters to you as a living being what you do, what you want to do, how you need to get there, and if you are going to change or need to.

I thought Keith would learn about his past and see that his real family was with Shiro and the Voltron team. They were with him in a lot of life and death battles. I thought he was going to see more of how important they are to him. But it’s also the fact that no one stopped him or mentioned they missed Keith. I mean I’m sure they did but no one vocalized. Either meaning that they thought it was something they thought that wasn’t needed to be said, or that he wasn’t that important. Which is a lie since many of them hug him goodbye and some tear up when Keith is leaving for the Blade of Momora.

Hopefully they’ll tell us what he did during the two year timeskip for Keith in the next season or in the future and this is all part of their plan for the show. If not... I don’t know what to say yet.

2. The Altean Lady

The Altean Lady, or Romelle is the one that tells us of what Lotor did for the remaining Alteans and what he did with them. I would be fine if she was just introduced to bring his backstory and not be another in depth side character. But the thing is, I’m not sure if the writers were trying to chracterize her by giving her her side of the past or not.

Romelle is supposed to be a survivor and tell the crew what’s up with Lotor. She does this while telling of how her brother was caught up in it and how she reacted to it. And if this is her backstory or another one then it’s fine. But the way Keith introduced her to team Voltron made me think she was going to be a kinda important or at least a vocalized side character for the rest of the season. She takes the light for one episode, but then is just in the background later on. She reacts the same with the paladins when Shiro is on the ground in the last episode, but they way she is shown makes it seem like she is reacting strongly. Why should she? She doesn’t know these people. And yes I’d be sad or upset at seeing someone die, but it made her seem like she knew him when she didn’t.

And she’s still in the background and looks a bit plain but has enough detail on her for you to think “oh, her design makes her seem like she’ll be important this season as not just a reason for Lotor’s motivation and crimes, but as a person too) but that doesn’t happen. Maybe I’m confused on all this and maybe they’ll do something with her next season and characterize her. I hope they don’t think by giving her backstory will be enough characterization.

3. I want friendship darn it!

I wanted to see more friendship between Keith and Lance. I honestly thought these two would reunite and join together to somehow find the real Shiro. Maybe this is my own fault.

It’s just there were that red and blue star in the astral plane and I thought “oh hey, it’s foreshadowing that they are the only two that will be able to save Shiro”. I also thought that because they were both having issues about their place on the team and whether they think they are valued as not just teammates but as people and friends too. I thought the two would become closer as friends and be there to support each other and figure the puzzle pieces out as to why Shiro is acting weird and be the main characters or this season. That’s what I predicted anyway.

Also maybe I interpreted the trailer for Season 6 wrong because it made it seem like Keith and Lance’s reunion would be significant to the plot of the season. And maybe the trailer was going for that. Either way I don’t think it would’ve been the writers and animators fault but maybe the people who edited the trailer instead. But it’s not a big deal.

But now after this season, perhaps the red and blue star forshadowed the candidates closest to contacting Shiro and finding out about the Clone stuff. Or maybe it was foreshadowing Allura and Lances relationship to possible become romantic since they pilot the Red and Blue lions (I saw someone say something about this, I don’t know who said it but if you know please tell me. Just know I didn’t think that up myself or got inspired from it!)

But the stars appeared during season 2 right? So maybe it was referencing the red and blue lion switching pilots. Or the thing it’s foreshadowing still hasn’t come yet and it’s still possibly about Keith and Lance since those are their basic trademark colors.

To add to this I wish I could’ve seen more on how Pidge and Hunk reacted when they saw Keith’s return and change, as well as his family and some random Altean. It seemed only Lance really noticed which now makES ME FURTHER THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP WILL DEVELOP MORE! ARE THEY FRIENDS OR WHAT?! SEASON 3 MADE IT SEEM LIKE THEY WERE BECOMING CLOSE FRIENDS AT LEAST AND NOT DUMB CLICHÉ RIVALRY!!!

I don’t know we’ll have to wait and see... again.

One last subject I want to note is how people are fearing Lance will be a rebound to Allura’s fast relationship and breakup with Lotor.

I know I don’t discuss ships on here, but if it’s strongly implied one character loves another one, then I’ll probably talk about it or do art on it.

Anyways, there’s no evidence Lance will be used like that from Allura of the creators yet. Allura knows Lance loves her, and knew he really, really does (or maybe did?). Not a crush but a love that can blossom into a romantic relationship. She knows this but still goes after Lotor. And I’m okay with that.

She chose Lotor because she had stronger feelings for him at that time. She didn’t feel the same way about Lance, but during Monsters and Mana, I think she saw Lance in a different light. And she didn’t really try to create feelings just because she knew Lance has some for her since those wouldn’t be true feelings and just pity, at least that’s how I saw it. After the whole thing with Lotor, perhaps she’ll think more about what to do about the two of them later.

The thing is now there are two paths. Down one, Allura deals with her breakup at a normal time and moves on, so that if she does have a romantic relationship with Lance, it will have a hopefully healthy start and actually grow to be a strong healthy one.

One another path, is the one where she tries to get over Lotor immediately and some time passes and grows to fall for Lance, but it can possibly lead to issues as to whether or not she does love Lance or had strong feelings for him, or is still confused and not completely over Lotor, or has some feelings for Lance but it hasn’t let them grown enough yet to let her possibly be in love with him and they try to date but it ends when the her feelings haven’t grown strong enough and the chances of them being together die out.

Or, there’s the third out-of-no where path where it’s nothing we guessed and we are all wrong and it’s something maybe we should’ve seen coming, or it’s an out of no where development.

Either way, we’ll probably know next season if Lance and Allura’s relationship will be endgame or stay friends, or happen but won’t work out and hopefully stay as friends.

Well, that’s my review of the season. It was my first time waiting for a new season of the show, and I guess now I’m more attached to the characters and the show. At first I really wanted to watch it just to know what’s going on and see people’s reaction to the season. It’s still that and I’m happy and laughing at some reactions because they resonate a bit with me and let me feed on their emotion (mwahahaha) but it’s also that I wanted to see if I would like the show more when getting hyped about it or people’s reactions and the payoff it would give. And I’d say it was pretty good!

So, uh... yeah! Thanks for reading! If you want to talk about stuff you can comment on this post! I’d love to hear what you have to say about the season and what you think is in store or what to expect.

Well now I hope we get the release date for the next season soon! But that’s probably wishful thinking. I just heard that they did that after the last season was realeased immediately. But that’s okay. The crew deserves a break after their hard work. And there’s so much art, comics, memes, and more we can make from this new season, so we’ll live for now. Heheh.

Thanks for reading! Bye! Have a nice day!

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