#i am just. very frustrated. and this is due. in two days. fuck me i guess.

[polaraffect]

lol lmao when the people in your performance group project didn't prepare AT ALL for anything so now you have to attempt to edit what you filmed into something vaguely watchable and it's Not Working

#damien.txt #i've been doing this for like 4 hours now and tbh i don't think it's actually possible #it sounds and looks. so fucking bad. because no one is even attempting to act. #and im going to scream bc this is literally going to have my name attached to it ahahaha #like i can not emphasize enough how much no one attempted to act in this. fr. it's like. painful to go through #and no one memorized their lines!!! so im having to cut every 3 seconds and im trying to figure out how to make it seem natural #and it's just. not. obviously. because cuts every 3 seconds is not how people talk. #and literally i think im going to sob abt this but it's fine i guess!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #it probably doesn't even matter That Much but literally this is for a grade why couldn't they give slightly more of a fuck #and at least have practiced. and had ANY concept of a character #this is a project we have all known we'd have to do ALL SEMESTER. they have had their rolls FOR A MONTH AND A HALF. #im just. AHHH. i hate having to be the leader in group projects. i hate trying to make people try. i hate having to mediate. #this group project has just literally been a nightmare i can't even explain. it would be too many tags. and this is already too many. #i am just. very frustrated. and this is due. in two days. fuck me i guess.

[burnyouwithacigarettelighter]

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT ─── cillian murphy ✧𖦹

ೃ⁀➷ “I am turned inside out by the ache in your voice, the taste of your tongue." — ‘Afternoon Masala: Poems’, Vandana Khanna

pairing. cillian murphy x actor!reader

summary. you and your co-star, cillian, are having a hard time performing a sex scene for your movie. they do say, however, practice makes perfect.

warnings. swearing, thigh-riding, creampie, p in v, unprotected sex, mentioned/implied age gap, probably inaccurate depictions of actor-life, mirror sex, slight breeding kink, kinda innocent reader(?), AU cillian murphy (not married/no kids), SMUT UNDER THE CUT! 

word count. 4.5k

a/n. this is not in any way meant to disrespect cillians wife😭 i js made this a not married AU to be convenient!

i.

“Cut - cut, cut!” The director repeated, his increasing irritation colouring his voice completely. “Now, I said it earlier, but—“

You scrubbed your face with a sigh, getting up off of Cillian and the desk, who was propping himself up by the elbows. “It’s not passionate enough,” you finished flatly for your director, who nodded earnestly. 

“I promise, this is as tiring for me as it is for you. Remember,” the director continued, the script half curled in his hands and making a thin flapping noise, “it’s the culmination of six months of pining. Six months of taboo, unrelenting, electric tension. Nothing more than stares in class and brief touches- you are supposed to be bordering feral for one another.”

You, and your co-star, Cillian, were currently filming the first sex scene of a movie portraying the forbidden, toxic love affair between a barely 18 teenage student and her much older teacher. Well, not exactly filming- you weren’t getting far with the scene, for the two of you just couldn’t get it right. Or, as the director liked to say, passionate enough. 

The role was already incredibly taxing, even without the added stress of the sex scene: it was 20 hour work days, living on set in a trailer far from home, having to devote at least half of those hours to filming this very sex scene, and had a perfectionist director like yours. 

The problem was that it was long, and the director wanted it done in one take. Brilliant man, he was, and had a love for this project you wished every director had for theirs, but he was adamant on it being done perfectly. He said it was intended to be the “primary and most iconic” scene of the entire film, for it was the crux of the story; the point of no return for the characters. 

“With all due respect, I’ve never imagined such a scenario, much less had experience. Just how can you expect me to portray a student-teacher romance accurately?“

“That’s your job: to imagine and perform.” The director demanded, obviously up to his ears in frustration.

Just before you retorted irately, Cillian cut in smoothly. “I think what she means,” he said, watching the veins in the director’s forehead nearly burst, “is that it’s hard to perform because it’s not common. S’easy to act in love because there’s love all around, yeah? We don’t have much to go off of, visually.”

The director’s gaze rapidly flitted between you and Cillian for a moment, before letting go of his anger and sighing wearily. “You’ve never even thought about a superior that way? Someone older than you?” he pressed, obviously joking and trying to lighten the set’s mood. 

You paused, and tried not to look at Cillian, your blatantly gorgeous forty-something co-star who was chosen for this role firstly, because of his stellar acting and secondly, because of how fucking attractive he was. 

His character was a total fucking creep, and you knew casting Cillian had been a calculated choice; all in the name of making the audience’s guard come down to be smacked in the face by his immorality later. He was meant to be charming, handsome, and terribly, totally, off-limits: the object of completely forbidden desire, the line your character was desperate to cross. 

It seemed the same in real life, too: the young inexperienced actress wanting to ignore those societal niceties and pine wholeheartedly over the middle-aged actor with decades of knowledge under his belt. 

You weren’t, like, in love or anything, but you certainly reveled in his presence: he was patient, kind, and completely understanding of your lack of experience, always guiding you through all the steps an actor takes during filming like when to take off hair and makeup, what best to say to family and friends prying for details- all the things, he said, he wished someone told him when he was first starting out. 

You were afraid you two had unknowingly fallen into a mentor-mentee dynamic, but there were always those spare moments, between hearty fits of laughter and silly conversation that you’d never expected to come from such an intimidating man as Cillian, where his rough hands would brush past your waist, gaze dragging up and down your body, sounding sensual and provocative despite nothing dirty leaving his mouth at all. 

He made your insides pulse, especially when your more intimate scenes came about, and you could only have a lusting woman’s pipedream that he felt the same. 

You still remember the first sequence you’d done with him: in the movie, your characters met after-class to make up for a missed exam, and it was the start of their corrupt attraction. Cillian had been pressed against your back, leaning over you to pressuringly peer at the test, large hand gripping your shoulder. The air felt steamy then, his body warm, low voice making you feel lightheaded as he recited his lines. 

You shivered at the remembrance of the moment, coming back to reality, and you answered the director’s question with a vehement shake of the head. 

The director let out a (strained) laugh, and smacked his palm lightly with the script, shoulders slumping. “Okay. Okay, we’ll - we’ll break for today. Take this extra time to imagine, research, anything- just practice the scene, alright? Practice makes perfect.” 

You and Cillian nodded simultaneously, giving eachother a look that just screamed “he’s ridiculous” before tearing away from each other's stare to return to your trailers. 

Later, you were getting ready to go to bed, peeling your freshly showered hair out of a small towel, when there was a knock at your trailer door. 

“One second,” you called out, pulling on your silk sleep shorts. You vaguely registered how awkward it might be to be seen in your pajamas if the director or one of your fellow actors came about, but you were way too tired to care. 

You did care, however, self-consciously crossing your arms and covering your thinly-clothed chest, when you opened the door and there on the steps stood your co-star, Cillian.

Before speaking, he looked you up and down, icy blue eyes gleaming behind an unfamiliar pair of tortoise shell frames. “You goin’ to bed?” he finally asked, tone husky. 

His gaze lingered on the bare skin of your legs for a few seconds longer and you shifted uncomfortably, crossing your ankles together in a poor attempt to hide yourself. 

“What do you need?” you asked briskly, more sharp than you meant it to be. 

“Sorry,” he corrected himself, shaking his head and finally looking you in the eye. “I meant’a come by earlier… got caught up. I know this, ah, sex scene is tripping us up, so…” he trailed off, lifting up the white script he’d been holding behind his back. “Y’up for some practice?”

You blinked rapidly at the simple, innocent request. Mere rehearsal, not some lecherous late-night escapade you’d been dreaming up in your mind. “Oh… yes, of course,” you nodded numbly, moving out of the way to let him step in. 

Only moments later, when he’d perched onto the edge of your vanity — looking uniquely casual in what you assumed was his version of pajamas: baggy gray sweatpants and a fitted, well-worn black t-shirt — did you realize the connotations of rehearsing your sex scene. 

Sure, it was all pre-determined, every word you’d say and every action you’d perform, but still. Saying- and doing, such suggestive things after-hours? That was beyond your dirtiest fantasies.

However, you shook yourself internally: Cillian had come to rehearse the scene with professional intentions. Honestly, he’d probably done so because he was tired of you messing up the scene. He could do his own part masterfully, and you knew that if it’d been a better, more experienced actress by his side, filming would’ve moved on ages ago. 

You took shaky, tentative steps near him, settling on your bed, watching him flip through the script— when he looked up and frowned. 

“What’re you doing? Come here,” he gestured for you to come closer, almost a command. “We don’t have a desk, so we can use your vanity.”

You nodded, biting your lip and nervously complying with his words. “So, we’ll start from the beginning?” you asked, your voice -- and legs -- suddenly feeling terribly weak.

His eyes were still trained on the paper as he answered. “Not necessarily. The sex part s’really the only thing we’re having trouble with, yeah?” 

You gulped, throat dry. “Yeah, I guess so.” 

With that, he chanced one last look at the script, before diving into the scene. His actions were ones you were extremely familiar with, having attempted this scene everyday for at least a week now. 

His body turned to yours, hands coming up to your jaw, and pressing your back onto the table slightly. He held you tightly, and made you look at him, while delivering his lines softly, memorable Irish accent replaced by his character’s generic American one.

Jiltedly, you did the same, poorly remembering what you needed to say and dragging through it like some amateur. “Fuck, sorry,” you cursed suddenly, tearing away from his touch and sighing. 

He gave you a small, careful smile, immediately breaking out of character and taking a step away from the vanity. “No need t’be nervous. Practice makes perfect, right?” 

You snorted at his quoting of the director. “I just… I don’t know what he means by passionate. I’m trying to be professional about this but - but I’ve seriously never been in some steamy love-affair.”

“Can’t really expect that of you, can we? You’re too young, too much’ve a good girl for that kinda ‘ting.” He said, hand coming up to your shoulder, the one where your silk tanktop’s spaghetti strap had slipped off, rubbing it soothingly. 

You practically melted into a puddle at both the pet name and how the rough pads of his fingers brushed against your sensitive skin. You were so entranced you almost whined when he stopped and pulled up your fallen strap, but instead you wordlessly snatched the script that was dropped onto the table and found one of the lines, inhaling sharply and readying yourself. 

Your hand came up to tug on the sleeve of Cillian’s shirt, as dictated by the script. “Sir, please,” you whispered out in your character’s high pitched voice, “I - I… want you to touch me.”

“This is -- wrong. I’m your teacher, and I…” Cillian responded, swiftly back in character, the back of his palm grazing your cheek. “I gotta break your heart, darling.”

You looked up at Cillian, summoning crocodile tears to fill your gaze. “Please. I need you.” Then, one of your clammy hands ran down Cillian’s chest as you spoke, like it did back on set. “I think of you, at night. I soaked through my shorts the day you scolded me.”

You heard Cillian’s breath hitch- his character, you reminded yourself. “Fucking hell… I think of you in class, sweetheart,” he growled out perfectly. 

So far, so good, you thought. It wasn’t awkward, and was already miles better than the lackluster performances you’d given previously. You continued by leaning into Cillian’s touch, making him sit on the vanity— the part of the scene you’d gotten to this morning, before the director called cut.

This time, however, Cillian’s actions differed from the ones he was supposed to perform: instead of petting the crown of your head, his fingers trailed down your hips, sending shivers down your spine.

“I’ll be good for you, sir,” you recited, face growing hot as his hand inched closer to the curve of your ass. “You can do whatever you want to me.”

Cillian’s gaze had darkened now, flitting over your features. He didn’t say his line - or, had at least missed the timing, and you removed your hands from his body worriedly. “Are you alright—“

Before you could finish your sentence, Cillian had grabbed you by the ass, switching your places and setting you down on the edge of the vanity. 

“Cillian!“ you squeaked out, the only thing you could really say as you processed what exactly just happened. Your mind was swimming with confusion — and anticipation — as he stood before you, legs pressing on either side of your knees and trapping you on the vanity. 

“Improv,” he promised quietly in his telltale Irish accent, a sly wink appearing on his sharp features. 

You bit your lip, nodded, and repeated your line. You trusted him to guide you — and the rehearsal — because, as mentioned before, he did these kinds of things often. If he thought you’d act better if you sat on the vanity, you’d sit on the vanity. 

His hand then pet your hair, the other hand coming up to your chin and making you look up at him. “Whatever I want?” he murmured, back on track with the script. 

You bat your lashes at him. “Everything. I’m yours.”

Now, this is where you thought Cillian would stop— because after your line came the kissing and the touching and the heavy petting: all things you thus far hadn’t filmed at all, because you couldn’t even get the dialogue out right. 

Instead, he leaned down and began to press hungry kisses down your neck, making you gasp.

“What are you—“

“Shh,” he demanded softly, “it's all part of the scene, remember?”

You blinked dumbly, mouth opening and closing, unable to register a coherent thought or word. He said it was part of the scene but you’d read that script, and his teeth nipping lightly at your skin was not written anywhere within it.

But, you gulped down your thoughts, and belted out several more of your lines in tandem to his own. With his other hand gripping your thigh so tight you thought it might bruise, you were starting to think that maybe this was one of those lecherous late-night escapades you were dreaming of. 

All you’d been doing was acting, like he’d asked, but still, you could see clear as day how that’d affect him— how easily it could be to succumb. After all, you were just barely restraining yourself from jumping his bones: how could you not, with his gorgeous face just inches away from yours?

Well, acting or not, you’d enjoy every minute of this.

When one of his hands began playing with the waistband of your shorts as he suckled on your pulse, that just right spot on your neck, you couldn’t help the whimper that left your mouth. 

However, the noise seemed to startle him; jumpshock him back to reality, and your suspicions became completely confirmed when he pulled away from you roughly. 

“Fuck, I’m—“ a pained grimace washed over his features, looking you up and down like he just realized what he’d been doing. “I don’t know what came over me, I— shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have come here tonight.”

You stared at him, body disappointed at the lack of touch, watching him press his pink lips into a conflicted white line. “What - what d’you mean?”

His gaze coursed over your every feature, so intently you thought he was admiring your face. “I can’t— we can’t happen. Y’too young, you’re, you’re too…”

“Then we can stop. If that’s what you want,” you murmured coyly, hand coming up to pick a piece of thread off his thin shirt. “But only if you ask. C’mon, say it: I don’t want you and I want this to stop.”

He groaned, biting his lip. “Don’t do that. I can’t do that.”

“Do what?” You tilted your head to the side. 

“Tease. Because you know I won’t tell you to stop. ‘Cause I won’t be able to fucking control m’self,” he grumbled, before pressing a desperate, deep kiss to your lips, pulling you off the vanity and continuing down your chest.

“Then don’t. Take me for everything I have,” you whined, following his every move and manhandling touch. 

He breathed heavily between kisses. “Saying those kinds’a words with that pretty voice of yours… fuck, you’re doing things to me.” 

Your hands were trailing all over his body, and then you tugged his shirt off, desperate to feel him. He had similar thoughts, fingers dipping into your silk shorts and petting your hot mound. 

“Need you,” you panted, and, at your words, he suddenly tore off your silk shorts and panties in one clean go, making you shiver.

He then sat down on your vanity chair and roughly grabbed you by the hips to place yourself onto one of his thighs. The thick fabric of his sweatpants, taking in your wetness like a sponge, made you wince.

“Go on then,” he demanded darkly, “get y’self off on my fucking thigh. Show me how bad you need me.”

You bit your lip, face burning with shame at the order. But there was an aching need in your gut, and the way he crossed his arms, watching and waiting for you to get the hell on with it, had you clenching around his thigh.

Your hands gripped onto his shoulders, and you began slowly rutting against him, the soft fabric of his pants doing poor work for pleasuring your core. You pressed your face into his shoulder, screwed up at the lack of friction. 

“Can’t do it,” you whined, “Please.” 

He rolled his eyes. “You said you needed me. You’ve got me,” he gestured to his thigh, “so get to work.” Then, he suddenly flexed, making an unwarranted mewl leave your mouth.

You wanted nothing more than his fucking cock, but here you were, pathetically pleasuring yourself on his thigh until he allowed otherwise. You nodded resignedly, and dug your fingernails into his shoulders, starting to set a steady pace of grinding down on him, slowly building up the heat within your insides. 

You were moaning now, vigorously dragging your hips against him harder, needier, feeling the pressure in your cunt grow hotter and more rampant. 

“Y’hear that?” He asked, one of his fingers tilting your chin back up to face him. “D’you even realize how fucking delicious you sound, all needy f’me?”

You nodded, but weren’t really paying attention: you were closer than ever, just moments away from falling off the edge— when Cillian stopped you. 

“Stop,” he spoke, voice filled with sheer lust, and you whimpered at the abrupt loss of momentum. Then, he got up, holding you against him by the waist, looking down at his sweatpants. “You made such a mess… soaked all over m’pants.”

You didn’t — no, couldn’t respond to his musings, pressing your thighs together in an attempt to return friction to your needy pussy, biting down on your lip to muffle your breathy pants. 

He noticed this, however, smirking and quickly pressing you stomach down onto the vanity. You caught a glimpse of yourself for the first time since your shower, and you flushed with shame: your eyes were heavy-lidded and dilated, lips pink and slick with drool, your brows in a perpetual knit.

You looked fucking filthy, and when you felt Cillian press his thick head to your entrance, something you hadn’t noticed he’d pulled out, too enraptured in your dirty expression, you shut your eyes. 

You were suddenly so much more aware of the situation: you’d fucked yourself silly on your co-stars thigh, the co-star who was twice your age. He now knew you weren’t a talented aspiring actress, no, you were just a desperate little thing begging to be fucked. 

“Hey, hey,” He tutted in mock-disappointment, “open your eyes, and fucking watch yourself. It’ll be good for our scene.”

You whimpered helplessly, obeying him and fluttering your eyes open, as he pushed his cock past your dripping folds inch by inch. 

“Oh my god,” you cried out when he finally pressed all the way in. You felt so full, stretched to the brim with his hardened cock, so deep his balls touched your sticky clit.

“So fucking wet,” he commented, chuckling darkly behind you. You were totally slick, helping him enter you faster, but his cock was still a foreign intrusion to your inexperienced cunt: you were young, and had never been the type to “get around” — at least not with the intentions of getting fucked so much you could take any length of dick easily. 

You clenched around him, a groan leaving his mouth at the increased pressure around his cock, and he snapped into you, making you bounce forward as your lips parted with a sweet moan. 

You’d been focussed on his face, in the mirror, but Cillian’s hand suddenly tangled through your hair, grabbing a fistful of it and lifting your head to face yourself. “I told you to fucking watch yourself,” he spat, gripping your hair tightly. “you’re the reason we can’t wrap up, so do your job and fuckin’ practice.”

With that, Cillian started pounding into you, digging the rough pads of his fingers into your hip, and you would’ve protested such a fast progression — having been given barely any time to get used to his long cock — but your expression was even worse than before, if that was even possible. 

Your mouth was open, tongue out and panting like a fucking dog, your lustfully sticky spit spilling down your chin to your chest, and your eyes were rolling into the back of your head with each hearty thrust Cillian delivered you. The sounds you were making weren’t helping your embarrassment either, all unintelligible mewls and needy whines for his cock. 

“You’ve wanted me for so long, haven’t you? I always knew what a filthy desperate girl you were, pressing up against me during shooting… those naughty hands on my thighs,” he snickered. 

“Needed you in me so bad,” you whimpered, nodding enthusiastically, barely able to register what you were doing now with the pleasure washing over you and clouding your senses. Your back was arching into him, sucking in his cock and never wanting him to leave despite the mind-breaking ecstasy that was coming from his pounding. 

“Just look at your dirty fuckin’ face… so pathetic.” he murmured, leaning down to press a kiss to your cheek; sweet and lovely, a stark juxtaposition to his unrelenting rutting and degrading words. 

You whined at his words, but you knew they were true: you’d never seen yourself get fucked, always too busy with, well, getting fucked, but seeing yourself in the mirror like this had you unexpectedly hotter than before. There was just something about it, your face unabashedly contorting around the pleasure, Cillian’s hands snaking up your body as he rammed into you in the background. 

Kind of like your own personal porno, you thought offhandedly, and you wondered how it’d affect you if you filmed yourself. Hopefully, with Cillian. 

His other hand then came up to your folds, spreading them apart so he could see himself disappear into your hole. “Fuck, your cunt’s so perfect,” he growled, his head falling back, losing himself in the pleasure. 

The orgasm building in your gut wasn’t like the one when you’d been grinding down on his thick thigh, no, it came faster, making you sweat and your knees shake. You wanted more, and you gasped out “faster,” and “harder,” to Cillian, needing him in the stick spongy spot deep in your cunt. 

“Please,” you begged without any expectation of a real answer or action, “please, Cillian, please.”

He did go faster, though, to your apparent shock, both hands coming to your thighs to steady himself. “So needy,” he grumbled, pushing himself deeper and more swiftly into you, feeling how deliciously your fleshy walls tightened around his new pace. 

With that, your high came just as quick, hitting you like a fucking freight train and making you scream out his name. Your orgasm wrecked you, made your vision go white and your thoughts stutter to a complete halt, and you vaguely made out Cillian’s proud hum, whispering “Good girl,” in your ear. 

When you came to, your head was hanging low, your eyes blown out, lips puffy. Cillian was still thrusting into your worn-out pussy, but it was more jilted, shaky and needy. 

“Come in me,” you pleaded suddenly, gripping the vanity to keep your trembling legs up, “fill me up, please, make your come spill out of me.”

“Good god, girl,” he groaned, pounding one last thrust into you before letting go, his cock pulsing around your wet core. He was pressed up to you so deep you could feel him shoot his load right into your cervix, and you grinned weakly, a sweet image of you: knocked up with his kid, your cunt so young and fertile you’d get pregnant from just about anything from him, entering your mind. 

After a moment, he slipped his softening cock out of your filthy cunt and picked you up by the waist to set you down on the vanity and keep you from falling onto the floor. 

“Thank you,” you mumbled, looking up at him through your lashes. You then bit your lip, feeling his thick load of creamy come ooze out of your used hole onto your vanity. 

He noticed too, letting out a satisfied groan, spreading your legs lightly, before collecting himself on his finger and pushing his come back into your cunt. “Such a good girl,” he reiterated, going back to being sweet and petting your hair, doting on your weak form, looking deep into your eyes. 

You swooned at his delicate actions. “Is this a good time to say I like you?” 

He laughed, all adoringly. “It’s as good a time as any. I like you, too, if it’s any consolation.” 

“But you, y’know… you said I was too young,” you reminded him, frowning slightly. 

He sighed, gaze drifting away nervously for a moment before coming back to you. “That I did, but, well… if you wanna take this old man for a ride before I keel over,” he shrugged.

You couldn’t help the laugh that belted out of you, his words so ridiculous and completely not based in reality. “Oh, sure,” you said, shaking your head, lips still in an amused tilt, “you’re mine, old man.”

Before he could speak, probably say another stupid joke, your hands wrapped around his neck and you pulled him toward you, pressing a soft kiss to his plump lips. 

“I like you like you, okay?” You whispered, sounding incredibly juvenile but twice as heartfelt, your tone wavering and self-conscious. You were bearing your heart on your sleeve here, okay, acknowledging feelings you thought should never come to light. 

His hands came up to your face, gently holding you. “Good thing I like you like you, too.”

ii.

“Cut!” The director called, and you swore you felt your heart drop to the floor. Fuck, you thought, mind racing, what went wrong this time? Was it the kissing, or the hands in the hair?

However, the director came up to you and Cillian and let out an uncharacteristic shriek of delight. “Perfection,” he said simply, bordering on catatonic with how content he was. 

Your shoulders slumped with relief, and you leaned into Cillian, who was subtly dancing his fingers across your thigh. “It’s finished?” you asked, breathless with excitement.

The director nodded. “That was electric, needy, tense, delicious, passionate, so, so passionate,” he continued with a gasp, hands clasping together tightly.  “You are two of the most amazing actors I have ever worked with— you are incredibly talented, so convincing I’d have thought you did sleep together.” 

You preened at his praise, but not without looking up at Cillian, meeting his gaze and barely keeping your expression happy and neutral and not at all warm at the thought of the other night's events. 

As the director went off rambling about the utter masterpiece the movie was to be, Cillian trailed behind you off the set, murmuring lowly in your ear, “I guess practice does make perfect.”

#cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy rpf #cillian murphy x reader smut

[dungeonpuppykai]

| Too Sweet |

Description: You and Steve try to put 'it' in for the first time after his serum procedure. 

Pairing: Soft-Dark 40's Post-Serum Steve Rogers | Lover!You. 

Warning(s): Soft-Dark!Steve, 40's misogyny and courting bc let's be so fr, obsession, daddy kink, allusions to spanking, dumbification, power imbalance, corruption kink, fluffy smut, p-in-v penetration that y'all are STRUGGLING with, dash of breeding kink, they love each other, smut with plot.  

Note: @chxrryhansen 's new Too Sweet Steve edit is responsible for this and she doesn't even know it, pfft!

.

"Steve!" Your protest is half giggle and half whine as you wince before landing a punishing smack to your lover's shoulders. "Ouch!" His body is also vibrating due to the humor that the two of you find in this strange situation. 

"Come on, baby" he rasps out against your ear, his elbow that presses into your pillow besides your head causing it to dip towards itself. "I am trying my best here, bear with me a little" try he sure is doing. You can almost feel him fighting against his impulse to just fuck all and push inside your tiny entrance that has never faced a girth this big. 

"I knowww~" you whine as you press your knees against his sides that have become wide and muscular since the procedure. "But it's still ouchie" Steve sighs as he freezes the little bit of pushing that he was doing.

You feel bad, you really do. 

Because it is as hard for you to hold back as it is for him.

Pressed up against your lover that you haven't properly had like this in a week, your bare skins nearly leeched to each other's, one of his rough manly hands fondling your breasts as the one he's holding up his heavy body with strokes your hair to comfort you, the feeling of his stern muscles digging into the tender insides of your thighs and then his cock that you need to save your life at this point so close to your weeping walls yet so far away that you can lose your mind from the frustration. 

But it just hurts so fucking much! 

You had always thought your lover's size to be a decent one because it kept you satisfied and very happy. 

But now…

This. 

You did not want to be an ungrateful brat, as Steve would say, because you weren't a stranger to the valor that he held for his country and you had always done your best to cheer him on so you weren't to be misunderstood.

But good Lord above, they had swapped your cotton candy lover for a rough and tough beast who couldn't bear you being out of his sight for more than a few minutes. 

It seemed that whatever voodoo they worked in that fancy machine had also amplified his obsession with you, like everything else. 

Steve sighs as he kisses your cheek softly. You understand that he's a man and he has his needs that he has been compromising for a week because you recoil at the sight of his cock each time he tries to seduce you. "I've already stretched you out with three fingers, baby. At this point I might as well put my fist in there" you're on thin ice and you know it. 

No man is as considerate as he has been all these days as it is. 

Your cheeks burn and you flush hotly in embarrassment, letting out another whine as a result before landing a flustered punch on his arm. "I- It's not my fault if your fist would still be smaller than your dick!" Though your tone is one that has gotten you bent across his lap more times than you can count, the manner in which the indirect praise boosts his ego saves you this one time.

And his fingers weren't the easiest thing in the world either because they've grown three times their size!

"Aw, is Daddy's cock too big for your little baby pussy, honey?" You cannot help but let out a horrified guffaw as you cover your mouth, eyes wide. 

"Oh, my GOD, Steve!" He is grinning at how appalled you look because of his obscene words. "Stop with that! I told you the other day that it's not right!" You have no idea how, but two months ago your lover had picked up this strange pet name for himself that he liked to use whenever you two were having an intimate moment. 

"Oh, but baby" your back arches in an instant as you grunt and feel your claws fly to his shoulders that they dig into. He has started to push again. But your pussy is nearly as stubborn as he is, it seems. Because neither wants to back down. "Who put it in your pretty little head that you can decide what's right and wrong around here?" 

Your thighs tremble at the authority in his tone and you whine, feeling your ass cheeks clench at the way the girth of his tip feels around your sore band of muscles. Fuck, this is like losing your virginity all over again but only worse. 

You almost feel mad at yourself.

Because you're so wet and prepared.

Ready.

Just why can't it go where you need it most?!

"N- No…" The smell of his shampoo hits your nose when he dips his head into the crook of your neck to make a new love bite, both to try and distract you as well as mark you as his. "D- Didn't mean that, Shtevie, sowwy~" you mumble meekly and he deeply hums against your skin. 

"Good girl" if it weren't for the way in which one of his hands lovingly caress your scalp, you would have teared up due to how small you suddenly feel. "Now shush up for Daddy and let him do this bratty little pussy in" an involuntary gasp leaves you again but you suppress it by kissing his moist temple so he can't hear it and think you are being disrespectful. Your baby pussy has irritated him enough this past whole week already. 

"Owiee…" You grunt again as you feel it breach its way into the initial curve as it has been doing for hours now. "S- So big, Daddy" what? No! You're not like your naughty lover! Y- You're just trying to somehow calm him down so you don't get in trouble! 

Like you did when you initially did not respond to his unrelenting advances in school and he ended up scoring really low in a test because of that so he dragged you out of drama class to bend you over and teach you a thing or two about manners and how to treat those who are nice to you. Then he made you apologize, kiss his cheek and cook him dinner at your house to make it up to him. 

You are glad he did that though, because Steve is your once in a lifetime and there can never be another like him. 

He just knows best. 

But that doesn't mean you are okay with getting punished just because your pussy is too tiny!

"Good babygirl" your lover grunts against your nipple that his mouth is latched onto now, hips doing their best to not damage you but still weasel his cock past the hard round shaped barricade of your pubic bone. "I know it's scary but you can trust Daddy because he knows that if that pretty little pussy can push out his brats one day, it can surely take this cock too." Steve loves how you shudder under him at the thought but still answer him Yes, Daddy. 

Because you are all his to do with whatever he pleases.

That is the reason why he shook hands with HYDRA and wiped out SHIELD the day he was transformed. 

Because HYDRA had promised him a comfortable future with you where he would not have to part with you for too long but still provide you the life that you truly deserved as his sweet little girl who loved and accepted him in a state that everyone had treated as a laughing stock. 

You were worthy of the world.

And he was determined to give it to you. 

.

I didn't mention the hydra plot twist up there because well, surprise! 

#steve rogers #steve rogers smut #steve rogers fluff #skinny steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers drabble #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fandom #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve x reader #dark!steve rogers smut #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers x reader #chris evans smut #chris evans characters #chris evans character fanfiction #chris evans character x reader

[tainsan]

misfits IV (college!ateez x reader)

pairing: ot8 ateez x fem! reader

warnings: cursing, negligence, mentions of suicide, a fight between yeosang and yunho

word count: 8.5k

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⇢ taglist: @lilactangerine @plutoneu @abby-grace @sunkissed725 @lixiel0ver @acciocriativity @hyukssunflower @sunukissed @khjcoo @stopeatread @meginthebuilding27 @mychickentendou @sunnyhokyu @rxnexxi @croa-yevon @arabelleum @randomness7198 @dysftopia @lucymultistan @sookacc @starillusion13 @daceydeath @theamazinggrace-00 @smilingtokki @hasgalore @pytssamworld @just-a-really-bored-kpop-fan @satsuri3su @theonesoldtoonedirection @wooya1224 @deadpoetsandhoney @skztrophy @kunhengie @tinyelfperson @l0vetiny @simplyalfie @doggopepper @seungily @dino-teezerr @silentcry329

{if you asked to be in the taglist and dont see your name, i am incredibly sorry but your account cannot be tagged.}

--- THIS IS AN 18+ STORY MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ---

“You’re also adding the overall total to the mean, it doesn’t need to be there.” You explain to Jeongin, who immediately face plants into his palm.

“Are you serious?” He groans, understanding his amateur mistake. You recognise the frustration, relating to the problems, having them yourself in the past due to being very stressed and sleep deprived.

“Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.”

Jeongin and you are sat side by side in the quiet solitude of the library, Jeongin finds himself engrossed in the assignment, his brow furrowed as he surveys over his mistake. The air is filled with a hushed diligence, the only sounds being the soft rustling of papers and the occasional scratch of pen against paper. The library offers a sanctuary for their focused work, providing a space free from distractions where they can dive deep into the realm of knowledge and learning. You are not too far from the spot where you tutored San and Jongho last week. Yet you decided to stay away from the particular spot, so you don’t get too distracted by the strong memories and thoughts of the two men.

“I feel like I could’ve sorted that out by myself, I’m sorry for wasting your time.” Jeongin looks extremely apologetic, and you can’t help but feel bad for him.

“It’s really okay, my morning was free anyways, and I’m always glad to help a friend.” You smile at him, his remorseful gaze melting away and being replaced by his signature eye smile.

“You better get going though, you’ve got an important date to attend to.” You wink at him, wiggling your eyebrows jokingly. Jeongin rolls his eyes before grabbing his things and bidding you a sweet goodbye. You reflect on Jeongin’s happiness, a wave of warmth and affection washes over your heart. Thoughts of your friend finding someone he truly likes, brings a genuine smile to your face. Silently hoping that this newfound relationship will last, the look on his features pure.

As the time passes by, you realise it’s time to find Jisung and attempt to explain your situation in a way that won’t freak him out too much. Grabbing your phone, you send him a text that you’re in the library, you await his presence by editing the finishing an assignment that needs to be uploaded by tomorrow.

“Girl, I haven’t heard from you in days where the fuck have you been?” Jisung’s voice speaks from behind you loudly, causing fellow library attendants to send him pointed glares. Jisung sends the look back, telling them to mind their business before bringing you into a warm hug. The two of you sit down next to each other, your assignment pushed to the side. Turning to your best friend, you give him the apologetic look you can muster.

“It’s been really crazy, I’m so sorry.” You reply, regretful for denying the events from the past few days from your best friend, knowing it would’ve been much more manageable with Jisung by your side.

“Right? Minho told me that Kim fucking Hongjoong came into your lecture and demanded you to see him?”

You grimace, remembering that day and how likely it was that the whole school is talking about you right now, “yeah that did happen?”

“Did he threaten you? Stab you? Poison you? You know he’s the leader of the group, right?”

“Yeah, a good leader too.”

“Is that seriously the only thing you got from that sentence?”

“Jisung I’m fine, he actually offered me a place to live…” your words are careful, trying to be quiet, knowing someone is probably listening to your conversation after hearing the words ‘Hongjoong’. Maybe even listening in since they saw you, knowing the attention you are receiving now is much more than usual.

“Okay what.” Jisung looks at you in disbelief, he eyes scanning yours to look for any sign of a joke, “she’s gone insane holy shit.”

“Jisung I’m not insane shut up. His mother is a real estate agent, and they pulled some strings.”

“Okay you’re telling me that the Ateez magically pulled strings for you.”

“I know it’s hard to believe but they really aren’t as bad as you think, only one of them is… questionable.”

Jisung gaze towards you softens, “I want to believe you, but I’ve seen it first-hand how rude they can be to people,”

“Maybe they are trying to change? Come on Ji, it’s me, you know damn well I’m a good judge of character.”

There is a long pause between the conversation, Jisung letting in the information you have provided him with. Jisung knows you are very good at reading people, due to past events you’ve had many situations where you don’t like a friend of his, even if they are the kindest person in the world to him. They always end up the way that you see them and warn Jisung of. At this point Jisung judges your gut feeling more than his own.

“I trust you. If you say they are nice then I will believe it. Just be careful around them, okay?”

You nod at Jisung, happy he understands. As you sit in quiet reflection, an intense sense of gratitude washes over you, directed towards your cherished best friend. With each passing thought, you are reminded of the countless moments you have shared, and the unwavering support Jisung has always offered you. He has been a pillar of strength and a constant source of comfort in your life, and you are overwhelmed with an immense feeling of thankfulness for the presence of Jisung in your life.

“So, what place did you get?” Jisung asks, curious as to where you ended up staying. You realise you never actually told him the full story. Preparing yourself for the worst, you try to find the right words to use.

“Do you promise to not freak out?” You question, your words again quiet, fearful of someone listening in to the conversation. Jisung raises an eyebrow in your direction, very intrigued as to why you would have to caution him not to freak out.

“After finding out Ateez are actually sweethearts, nothing can freak me out.”

“I’m living with them.” You deadpan, not finding any easy way to put it. Watching as Jisung’s eyes open hugely, his mouth takes in a large breath before opening. Before he can even get any words out, you cover his mouth with your hand, stopping his scream from echoing across, likely, the entire library.

“Please don’t freak out!” You exclaim, attempting to silence him as quickly as possible, hoping not to get kicked out of the library. Slowly removing your hand from his mouth, his shocked expression stays present on his face. If this were a scene from a movie, it would definitely make the two of you laugh.

“I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out.” His voice is high pitched and out of breath, his ears not believing the absurd words exiting your mouth.

“Look I know, it’s insane, but it was my only option.”

Jisung slightly relaxes, yet his entire body is noticeably still tense and on edge.

“I’m saying this because I love you, but are you fucking stupid?” Rolling your eyes at him, you start to speak yet you get cut off, “you can’t live with eight guys.”

“That’s how it would’ve been if I moved in with you.” You retort.

“Yes, but Minho and I would be there to keep you safe if they tried anything. I don’t know your roommates; how do I trust them not to hurt you?”

“Jisung, I really appreciate that you care, but I trust them. They are too respectful to do anything. Plus, you know if they ever hurt me, I’d WWE the shit out of them.”

Jisung’s laugh is boisterous and echoes in the library, when he gets shushed by the people around him, he quickly puts his finger to his lips and shushes them back, again. Looking back at you, his eyes scan your face for any signs of discomfort. When he sees none, his body relaxes a little.

“You’d call me if anything happened, right?” Jisung questions, he moves his hand to rest on yours on top of the large oak table.

“Of course, Ji. It’s not like anyone else is on my emergency contact list.” You say joking through the bitterness evident on your voice.

“Speaking of, have you heard anything from your dad?” Jisung’s voice is soft, knowing how sensitive the subject can be for you.

“Not really, and I don’t particularly care. I did see on Facebook that he has found a new family to terrorise.”

Jisung’s eye roll is almost audible, he lets out an exasperated groan, “this guy never fails to surprise me with his bullshit.”

“You’d think he’d had enough after destroying one family.”

“Let’s not talk about it, he doesn’t deserve the attention.” A comfortable silence begins, and you feel yourself relax, Jisung continues talking when he realises, he didn’t ask a crucial question. “You do have your own room, right?”

“Yes of course. It’s a super nice room, and the bed is so big and comfortable. Plus, I have my own bathroom, so I don’t need to worry about walking in on them naked.” You reply, thinking about the amazing rest you had the previous night.

“That wouldn’t be too bad.” Jisung confesses, leaning back in his chair.

“What the fuck are you saying?” You hit Jisung’s arm, baffled by the nonsense coming out of his mouth, “weren’t you the one who was literally bashing on them earlier?”

“What? Just because I don’t especially like them, doesn’t mean they aren’t undeniably handsome and sexy as fuck.”

“Jisung shut up, you literally have a boyfriend.”

“I also have two perfectly functioning eyes, and if they are so respectful and kind maybe you should bag one,” Jisung looks over at you, a devious glint in his eyes, “or all.”

“Not a chance, Yunho fucking hates me for some reason.”

Jisung looks at you with a gobsmacked expression, “Yunho? Hate you? How can this guy hate you? You’re the sweetest person in the whole world.”

“I don’t know to be honest, Seonghwa said it was because he’s bad with new people, but I feel like there’s something more to the story.”

“Hang on we will unpack that another time. The Park Seonghwa?” Jisung questions, his eyes even wider than before. You start to wonder how wide his eyes can even go at this point.

“Yes?”

“He’s so fine holy shit. If you don’t bag him, I will.” Jisung relaxes back into his chair again.

“Again, you have a boyfriend.”

“Multiple boyfriends are a thing.” The short male jokes, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“I’m joking. I love Minho to bits, you know that.”

Laughing at Jisung whilst rolling your eyes, he gently pushes your arm, clearly wanting more details.

“So, you’re telling me you have zero feelings for any of them?” Jisung inquires, leaning closer to you, resting his chin on his hand, a questioning look on his features.

“Why are you so interested in my love life Han?”

“I’m your best friend, your love life is very interesting to me.”

Just as you're about to respond, a vibrant flash of pink captures your attention from behind Jisung, causing you to momentarily lose focus. As the source of the pink draws nearer, you realize it's Mingi approaching your table. His piercing gaze sends a chill down your spine, and you can't help but notice the awe-struck gazes of onlookers as he effortlessly navigates past numerous tables. There's an undeniable air of confidence in his stride, similar to that of a model confidently strutting down a runway, leaving you in awe of his presence.

Caught off guard by your sudden distraction, Jisung turns around, following your gaze to the approaching figure. Sensing his confusion, you instinctively reach out, placing a comforting hand on your best friend's shoulder, offering him reassurance amidst the unexpected arrival of Mingi.

“Don’t worry, he’s one of the nicer ones.” You whisper in his ear, Jisung’s tense shoulders relaxing slightly.

“So, you weren’t lying about moving in, were you?” Jisung whispers back, his eyes not leaving Mingi’s tall structure.

The tall male reaches the table you are at, you are glad that his back is faced towards all the people staring, otherwise they would see the smile that spreads across his features.

“Hey,” Mingi smiles at you, not even paying attention to the smaller man sat closer to him.

Jisung stares at Mingi, shocked to even see a smile on Mingi’s face. Eventually, Mingi looks towards Jisung, and his smile fades slightly, but doesn’t disappear. Gently nodding his head in Jisung’s direction, as if he says hello, he turns his head back to you. 

At this small gesture, you are somewhat happy that they are not treating your best friend the cold way you have heard so much about. It is huge for Mingi to be nice to you, so the fact he is also being pleasant to your friend makes you feel extremely touched by the small act.

“You have anatomy soon, right?” Mingi’s deep voice questions you. You and Jisung are both surprised that the man knows what you have next.

“Yeah, I do, how did you know?”

“I’m walking in the same direction; do you want to go together?"  Mingi ignores your question leaving you confused, yet you decide to pay no attention to it.

“Well, I was actually going to walk with Jisung.” You say, slightly upset for denying the pink haired man, seeing that he came all the way to find you so you could walk together.

Jisung’s eyes light up like lightbulbs as a thought enters his head, “no, she wasn’t. I was walking by myself. Goodbye you two. It was nice to meet you Mingi.” Jisung has a huge grin on his face as he grabs his bag off the floor and rushes to leave the library.

Confused out of your mind, you look towards Jisung as he leaves, with your arms signing ‘what?’. The only thing your best friend does is point towards Mingi, who still has his eyes on you, he then mouths the words ‘bag him’ before laughing and almost sprinting out of the large room. Wasn’t he the one who said he didn’t want you to be around them? ‘This guy doesn’t have enough time to be playing match maker,’ you think in your head and let out a groan.

“Is it that bad to walk with me to class?” Mingi questions, his expression sorrowful, worried from the groan that just left your lips.

Immediately, you feel bad and reassure the man in front of you, “no Mingi of course not. I was just weirded out by his actions; I’d love to walk with you.”

Instantly, the frown on his face is replaced by a relieved smile. Feeling happy you’re comfortable to walk with him, Mingi helps you pack your things into your bag and the two of you head out of the library, trying to ignore all the stares you get from the people around you. If this is what it’s like to be friends with Ateez, you might as well get used to it, even if you hate being in the spotlight.

As Mingi bids you farewell and heads off to his next class, a wave of realization washes over you. Despite living with the Ateez members, there is still so much you don't know about them. Determined to resolve this, you make a mental note to engage with them individually, realizing that one-on-one conversations might be more manageable and less overwhelming than having them all in one room together. Living under the same roof provides ample opportunities for deeper connections to form.

As the professor enters the classroom, the chatter subsides, and a hush of anticipation settles over the students. You take a seat in the back, preparing for the extended lesson that lies ahead. Thoughts of the impending dinner with the Ateez members fill your mind, stir up mixed feelings within you. It has been quite some time since you've had dinner with a larger group of people, reminiscing about the warmth and amity that accompanied those moments back in high school. The sight of them gathering around the table, like a chosen family, tugs at your heartstrings. However, the prospect of encountering Yunho once again fills you with concern. The words Seonghwa spoke about Hongjoong's "good way of disciplining" linger in your thoughts, leaving you with a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty. You contemplate the dynamics at the dinner table, resolving to find a seat away from Yunho to avoid any confrontations or discomfort.

Realizing that you've allowed your mind to wander, you refocus your attention on the lecture, determined not to miss any crucial information. The upcoming dinner remains at the back of your mind, a blend of excitement and apprehension. You reassure yourself that tonight will be an opportunity to observe and evaluate the dynamics of the group, to see how everyone interacts and finding your place. Deep down, you know that time and shared experiences will reveal more about each member's true nature, allowing you to navigate this new chapter with openness and resilience.

With renewed focus, you immerse yourself in the lecture, ready to absorb the knowledge before you and face the dinner with a mixture of curiosity and cautious optimism.

---

Frustration consumes you as you struggle to insert your key into the stubborn lock, the front door refusing to yield to your attempts. With an exasperated sigh, you lean forward, allowing the weight of your frustration to manifest as a slight bang against the door, as your head comes in contact with the white door. The lecture had ended at four, and you had planned a quick shopping trip with Jisung to grab the forgotten essentials like toothpaste and shampoo. However, fate had a different plan in mind as you unexpectedly ran into Felix near the school. Before you knew it, the three of you found yourselves lured into a charming café that Felix had discovered through the enticing realm of TikTok. Sensing the minutes slipping away, you bid your hasty goodbyes when the clock neared seven, anxious not to be tardy for your inaugural dinner together.

Fortunately, someone had left a key for you on the kitchen counter this morning, yet you are starting to think it’s not the key to the house. Maybe it was Yunho playing a trick on you, so you can’t get into the house, and you will leave him alone. Luckily for you, you happen to be pretty stubborn, and you are not going to give in to whatever this ruse is.

Pulling out your phone, you go to your contacts and push in San’s number. You think you should probably get the rest of the boys’ numbers so if you’re stuck outside at least you have more of a chance of getting inside.

The phone rings about three times before the phone picks up, and you’re surprised at how fast San picks up.

“___, hey. What’s up?” San speaks over the phone, his voice is soft, yet for some reason you can hear he has a smile on his face, perhaps he had a good day. Hearing the smile on San’s face brings a smile to your own and you frustration pointed towards the door melts away. You can hear him shuffling around in the background.

“Hey San, are you home at the moment?” You ask, putting you key back into your pocket.

“Yeah, I am. Why?” The curiosity laced in San’s words is unmissable.

“My key isn’t working for some reason, could you please open the door for me?”

“Ohhhh,” San speaks out, realising the problem, “try pulling the door towards you slightly when you turn the key.”

Reaching into your bag once again, you pull out the key and place it back in the lock. This time, gently pulling the door towards you and just like magic the lock turns fully, opening the door.

“Ah thank you San!” You exclaim as you walk inside the house and start to take off your shoes.

“No worries” a voice speaks out from in front of you. Whipping your head up, you see San leaning against the railing of the staircase with a small smile on his face. Why does he look so handsome suddenly?

“How long have you been there?” You ask, wondering if he was just passing by.

“Since the first time you tried to unlock the door.”

The disbelief washes over you as you observe the guy standing there, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he could have easily opened the door for you. 

A wave of guilt surges through you, realizing that you had unfairly blamed Yunho for something that wasn't his fault. It dawns on you that perhaps it's premature to judge him as a horrible person without giving him a chance. The thought lingers in your mind, igniting a flicker of curiosity you decide maybe you should try to get to know him better before passing any final judgments.

“Why didn’t you open the door then?” You groan as you walk past him, into the kitchen where you see Jongho sat at the island, watching a video on his phone. San follows you behind, and watches as you place your bag on the island, catching Jongho’s attention.

“___,” Jongho says with a smile. You return his smile as you take a seat at the island not too far from Jongho.

“If I had opened the door for you then you would never learn how to properly open it.” San explains, his smile is still on his features, yet you can see just a hint of teasing behind it.

You feel your annoyance fade away as you realise, he has a point, still being stubborn though, you blow a raspberry at him, faking annoyance, causing a laugh to erupt from his throat.

Approaching you with a playful demeanour, San affectionately places a hand on top of your head, his touch causing a gentle ruffle of your hair. A soft smile tugs at his lips as he leans down, bringing his eyes to meet yours, and in that intimate proximity, your faces mere inches apart, he confesses, "You're cute."

The sudden admission sends a surge of warmth rushing up your neck, setting your cheeks ablaze. Overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment, you instinctively break eye contact, leaning back as if to create some distance between you and the rush of emotions that swirl within you. San, now standing tall again, leans against the counter behind you, his presence a comforting anchor amidst the fluttering of your heart.

In an attempt to collect yourself, you shift your gaze towards Jongho, who observes the exchange between you and San with a knowing smile. Catching the small glare Jongho directs towards San before turning his attention to you, his smile resumes, radiating a sense of reassurance and understanding.

“How was your day?” Jongho asks, turning off his phone and placing it face down on the counter.

“It was good, I helped a friend with his project and then had an extended lecture which I am absolutely exhausted from. I also went to a really nice café with Jisung and Felix” You reply, sinking into the chair.

“Who is Felix?” San asks, curious at the unfamiliar name. His voice is a little sharp and you can’t help but wonder why.

“He’s one of Jisung’s friends, we don’t hang out that often, but it was nice to see him today.”

“Are you two close friends?” Jongho is the one who questions this time.

“Not that close, he’s more of an acquaintance to me.” I explain to the two.

They both lets out “ah’s” as they let the information process in their heads.

“You didn’t go to Wooyoung’s café?” San questions, sitting next to you, “he was working today.” San adds.

Feeling bad all of a sudden, you remember the café Wooyoung works at.

“Next time I’ll go there for sure,” you say, hoping they aren’t mad about you not going to their friend’s café.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he doesn’t mind.” Jongho reassures you the second he sees the slightest amount of guilt on your face. Smiling at Jongho, you silently thank him for reassuring your worries.

Then, you suddenly remember the unfinished assignment essay you have yet to submit to the online drop box. Checking the time on your phone, you are relieved to see that you likely have enough time to finish it before dinner.

“Excuse me, I need to finish this essay, I will see you two later.” You explain as you grab your belongings off the island, turning to walk to your room, you take one more look at the men in the kitchen. They are both watching you as you leave, but they have smiles on their faces.

“Good luck,” Jongho says before you close the door to your room.

The next forty minutes are spent in your room, putting the final touches on your assignment, a sense of accomplishment fills the air around you. With a satisfied smile, you close your laptop, knowing that you have poured your efforts and creativity into completing the task at hand. Glancing around, you realise that dinner is still in the process of being prepared, and a surge of anticipation awakens your taste buds. The tempting aromas wafting from the kitchen ignite a hunger within you, making you eagerly await the culinary delights soon to be served. In this brief moment of transition, you revel in the satisfaction of a job well done, ready to savour the flavours that await you at the dinner table.

When Seonghwa knocks on your door to let you know that dinner is almost ready, you send a smile in his direction before getting back to your screen, only having to upload the document. As dinner gets closer, you hear more noises around the house of people entering the abode, your excitement intensifying as you hear Wooyoung’s high pitched laugh from the kitchen making you chuckle under your breath.

Just as you send in your assignment, you hear a soft knock on your door before you hear Mingi’s deep voice speak explaining dinner is ready.

You take a minute to put your laptop into your bag again and clear up your desk quickly before heading out the door and towards the living room. You pass Yunho in the kitchen who is stirring something in a pot. Walking around him quietly, strategically avoiding his gaze, you make it past the kitchen without him seeing you.

As you enter the room, you notice the group gathered around the expansive table, everyone is present except for the notably tall male figure. Finding an empty seat beside Mingi and Seonghwa, you greet everyone with a respectful hello, initiating a brief conversation with Mingi to ask about his day. The conversation flows effortlessly, yet it is cut short as your attention is swiftly diverted by the entrance of Yunho.

He is carrying plates of food. A smile tugs at your lips as the pleasant aroma wafts towards you, instantly recognizing one it as of your favourite meals. Your mouth begins to water in anticipation as you watch Yunho meticulously place the plates in front of each person around the table. However, as he reaches your spot, he strangely passes your plate and instead sets it down in front of Seonghwa, a confusing act that leaves you momentarily taken aback. With a mixture of surprise and confusion, you lock eyes with Yunho, who takes a seat directly across from you, further adding to the mystery of his actions.

“And ___’s plate, Yunho.” Hongjoong questions, his voice is strong and authoritative yet the glare that Yunho gives you shows he ignored Hongjoong completely.

“Sorry, I only made enough for eight.” Yunho glares at you, ignoring the sighs of disappointment and groans from the seven males around him.

“You can have mine,” Seonghwa begins to put his plate in front of you, yet you stop him. Smiling at him gently, you turn back to Yunho in front of you.

“Enjoy your meal, Yunho. I hope you’re happy.” You deadpan, before standing up and pacing out the room, irritated with the bullshit that Yunho is pulling. As you rise from your seat, Wooyoung makes a move to join you, concern written across his face. However, you gently halt his advance, urging him to remain seated and enjoy his meal. Seonghwa's assurance that Hongjoong would handle the situation lingers in your mind, but deep down, you harbour scepticism about Yunho's ability to change so quickly.

Despite feeling deeply disappointed by the turn of events, you gather your inner strength, resolved to confront the situation on your own terms. You remind yourself that you are capable of handling this setback, even though it casts a shadow over your anticipation for the dinner.

“Yunho what the fuck are you trying to do?” Wooyoung demands as he glares at the tall male, his disappoint and anger evident in his words, his stance defensive.

“Just eat. It’s her problem.” Yunho answers, starting to cut his food up.

----

“He didn’t make me food, on purpose, so I just walked out.” You explain the situation to Jisung over the phone.

“Now this is what I expected from an Ateez member to be honest. No hate.” Jisung groans over the phone, annoyance evident on his voice.

The enticing aroma of your favourite meal still wafts through the air, and you find yourself torn between anticipation and frustration. Yunho skilfully prepared the dish you adore, and you aren’t sure is he made the meal because he knows you like it, that would be impossible. Your irritancy intensifies as you realise this was a deliberate attempt to manipulate your emotions.

It becomes painfully clear that Yunho purposefully made the meal with the intent to excite you, using it as a weapon to push you towards the decision of moving out. The realization strikes you like a jagged bolt of lightning, igniting a mixture of anger and hurt. A part of you wants to go back into the dining room and snatch his plate from under his nose, but a stronger part of you resists, refusing to let Yunho's manipulation dictate your actions.

As soon as you entered your room, you found yourself calling your best friend, disappointed but not surprised by the actions of Yunho. Scurrying over to your bed, you rest on the edge still trying to fully process the events. Ranting to Jisung only makes you realise how annoyed you are on the tallest male.

“It’s annoying yes, but it’s manageable. If he starts squaring up on me though I will likely be very scared, bro is big.” You half joke, knowing that he likely won’t dare to start a fight with you due to Hongjoong being present. Tonight, wasn’t nice but it wasn’t like he threatened you or said particularly rude things, if it’s like this you are for sure able to manage at least until you find another place to live. Yes, this place is extremely nice and affordable but it’s not somewhere you see yourself living in for a long time.

“Have you at least eaten anything?” Jisung’s question leaves you shocked. No, you haven’t eaten anything since probably lunch. The second you think about food, your stomach emits a loud growl, leaving you to face palm. Definitely should buy some food, you think to yourself, still aggravated about missing out on the most delicious food you’ve smelt in a while.

Reassuring Jisung, then saying goodbye after about an hour of talking, you hang up the call and immediately open your fast-food app. Scanning through each restaurant you end up even more irritated seeing that there are no deals and most of the food will take at least an hour to arrive. You’re not sure you should be even buying food, seeing how posh the area is it would be a crime to even think about ordering cheap fast food. Flipping from the food application, you go to your bank account checking to see if you even have enough money to be buying a meal. Seeing the amount makes you audibly sigh, your ideas of getting food leaving your mind quicker than you can shut off your phone. Laying back on your bed, you close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, attempting to let the frustration slowly vacate your body.

‘Whatever.’ You think to yourself, you’re not eating so you might as well get ready for bed.

Walking into the bathroom and settling into your night time routine, a sense of annoyance creeping over you when you notice that your favourite moisturizer is running dangerously low. Frustration bubbles within you as you realise that you’ll soon need to replace it. You contemplate the possibility of squeezing out every last drop, hoping to prolong its usage just a little while longer. Sighing to yourself, you realise that you have to again spend money on something you would rather not. Wishing you could just ignore your need for moisturiser, you groan knowing you can’t due to having extremely dry skin in the winter and you’d prefer to not look like your skin was falling off. The moisturiser you use isn’t even that expensive, it’s just a supermarket own brand one that barely keeps your skin looking presentable, yet it’s all you can afford, you have other things you have to save your money for.

Making your way wearily back to your bed, where your phone rests on the charger, you snatch it up and settle on the edge of the mattress. With a swift search on YouTube, you strive to find the perfect video to unwind with before drifting off to sleep. Yet, as your finger taps on a selection, the video barely has a chance to begin before a soft knock reverberates from your door. 

Your head whips towards the source of the sound, a realization dawning upon you that someone seeks entry. Surprise tinged with guilt washes over you as you reflect on having walked out on dinner, aware of its importance to the other person. Amidst the rapid whirl of thoughts, you question why you are shouldering the blame when it was Jeong Yunho who acted insensitively. 

A flicker of panic flits through your mind, silently hoping that it's not Yunho standing on the other side of the door. Should you pretend to be asleep? No, that won't work, as they would have heard you using the bathroom. Lost in a flurry of racing thoughts, you momentarily forget that someone patiently awaits your response, mere inches away on the other side of the wall.

“Um ___? Can I come in quickly?” A deep sweet voice sounds from behind the wooden door and you immediately recognise it as Yeosang. Letting out a soft sigh of relief you answer back, letting Yeosang know it’s okay for him to open the entrance to your room.

From across the room, your gaze fixates on the door, anticipation coursing through your veins. It swings open, revealing the familiar figure of Yeosang standing hesitantly in the doorway, his presence both captivating and disarming. As your eyes slowly travel from the bottom of his body to his face, you can't help but take note of the subtle changes in his appearance. His usual jeans and hoodie are replaced by a black tank top that showcases his toned arms and snug grey sweatpants that accentuate his casual yet charming vibe. The sight of his bare arms, muscles defined and veins subtly visible, evokes a mix of admiration and intrigue within you. You find yourself captivated by the way his physique displays strength and confidence.

Caught in the act of observing him, Yeosang registers you checking him out, a blend of pride and embarrassment sweeping across his features. His cheeks dusted with a rosy hue, hints at the flattery he feels under your gaze. A contented, almost bashful smile graces his lips, revealing his genuine delight at being the centre of your attention. His usually carefully styled hair appears tousled, and you realise he must have been readying for bed.

However, your attention is abruptly drawn to the paper bag clutched in his hand, distracting your eyes away from his physique and back to his face. The red blush on his cheeks remains, giving him an endearing charm, while his eyes sparkle with a mix of excitement and nervousness. The sight of his dishevelled hair and his relaxed attire only amplifies his charm, adding a touch of effortless attractiveness to his overall appearance.

“I bought you some food. I wasn’t too sure what you’d like so I got a mixture of some things.” Yeosang explains, holding up the paper bag in his hand.

This act instantly makes your heart speed up and your chest to feel warm despite the freeing temperature of your room. This kind gesture warms your heart, and you can’t help but feel incredibly grateful to the man standing in your doorway.

Yeosang's gaze sweeps over your figure, his eyes instinctively drawn to the form-fitting pyjamas that hug your curves. A surge of satisfaction courses through him as he realizes the envy that would consume the other boys if they knew the position he is in at this very moment. Grateful for the stroke of fortune that has brought him into this position, he momentarily loses himself in a spiral of thoughts, silently expressing gratitude to whichever higher power may have orchestrated this unexpected encounter. However, his attention is abruptly redirected as your soft voice breaks through the reverie, grounding him back to the present moment.

“Yeosang, I,” you start to speak yet you can’t find the words to express your gratitude to him, you instead invite him to enter your room fully. “Please come in.” You request, smiling widely at the giddy man who is now in your bedroom.

It’s the first time Yeosang has been in your bedroom since you decorated it, finding some small posters and fairy lights to hang around your room, and some plants to place around making it feel more like home. He looks throughout the space, admiring what you’ve done to it.

“I still have some more things I need to buy before it becomes home.” You admit to the blonde male as he looks around. When he hears your statement, he looks towards you and smiles warmly.

“Here you go,” he says, handing you the bag, and stepping backwards, wanting to not bother you further and let you eat in peace. Looking down into the bag, you see a few different packages, wrapped in aluminium foil and the smell reaches your nostrils, filling them up with the most delicious savoury scent, causing your mouth to water and your stomach reminds you how hungry you actually were.

When you look back up, you see Yeosang back by the doorway, heavily debating whether he should leave or stay to make sure you finish the food, nervously shifting from one foot to the other, unsure of what to say. You smile at his actions, for a buff guy who is supposedly a ‘bad boy’, he sure is cute.

“Yeosang,” you speak out, catching his attention, he meets your eyes, and you swear you could have fainted at that moment. His gaze holds a gentle softness, yet beneath the surface, you sense a wealth of unspoken feelings concealed within the intensity of his eye contact. Words are on the tip of your tongue as you contemplate the question that weighs heavily on your mind, unsure of how to speak your thoughts.

Yeosang, sensing your hesitation and the hint of worry in your stance, takes a step closer, concern etched on his features. Something in the way you stand, lost in your thoughts while gazing at him, tells him that something might be wrong. “Are you okay?” He asks.

Before you can find the right words, however, you instinctively close the distance between you, your heart racing with anticipation. The bag of food you were holding slips from your hands, forgotten on the floor as you gently wrap your arms around him, seeking comfort in a tender embrace.

Yeosang tenses up, caught off guard by the sudden display of affection. Your abrupt departure only further fuels his uncertainty, leaving you standing a meter away, immediately apologizing for potentially crossing boundaries. “I’m sorry, I’m just extremely grateful for the food I’m so sorry for pushing your boundaries,”

But before you can utter another word, this time, Yeosang closes the distance, his hands enveloping you, drawing you closer to his chest. Your cheek presses against the warmth of his shirt, the sensation of his toned physique beneath it briefly registering in your mind. Overwhelmed by the strength and security of his hold, you find yourself tensing up this time, momentarily taken aback by the unexpected gesture. Yet, understanding his earlier hesitation from your own action, you reciprocate by wrapping your arms around his waist, surrendering to the comfort of the embrace.

Time seems to stretch as you bask in the comfort of his arms, feeling a sense of familiarity and longing that has been absent for far too long. Your light-headedness gives way to a contented sigh, revelling in the serenity given by his hug. Expecting the moment to end, you begin to pull away, only to be pulled back into his chest, your cheek colliding with his in a gentle 'oof' of surprise.

Moments blur into eternity as you remain locked in each other's arms, a silent connection between your two souls. Yeosang withdraws slightly, but his hold remains, your arms still embracing his waist, his still encircling your shoulders.

Your gazes meet once again, mere inches apart, illuminated by the soft glow of the bedside lamp. Even in the dim light, you can discern the flush that colours his cheeks, an unreadable expression adorning his features. It's an unfamiliar emotion that leaps around in his eyes, neither embarrassment nor discomfort, but something entirely new, leaving you dizzy with curiosity.

For what feels like an eternity, the two of you engage in a silent exchange, locked in a gaze that renders you weak at the knees. And just when you think your heart couldn't flutter any faster, Yeosang breaks the silence with a confession that catches you off guard. His eyes remain fixed on yours, unwavering and sincere as he admits, "Your eyes are beautiful."

“Uh thank you.” You reply, cheeks growing even hotter than you thought they could go. You just know if Jisung would see you right now he would scream his lungs out.

Moving away from Yeosang, he momentarily wonders if he screwed up by saying those words, yet when he sees the sincere smile on your face, his worries melt away and he gets lost in your expression.

“Would you eat with me?” You question, hoping he will keep you company, the question of ‘did we know each other before college?’ slipping your mind completely.

---

Seated cross-legged on your bed, you relish the delicious food that Yeosang thoughtfully brought for you. Across from you, he sits on the edge of the bed, one leg tucked comfortably while the other dangles freely. His eyes never waver from you, captivated by the way you devour the meal with avid hunger, and a sense of relief washes over him. It's evident that you must have been starving, and he silently curses Yunho for denying you a proper meal earlier during the disastrous dinner. In this intimate moment, he seethes with anger at the thought of you being deprived of a simple joy you were so excited about, confirming his resolve to make up for it.

As you converse one-on-one with Yeosang, the opportunity to have a genuine heart-to-heart arises, a chance to connect without the distractions of others. The conversation flows effortlessly as you delve into the events of your day, sharing thoughts, dreams, and anything that comes to mind. It's in these moments that you notice a subtle transformation in Yeosang's demeanour. His eyes shimmer with a radiant passion whenever he talks about dance, and his voice releases a fresh energy when he discusses subjects close to his heart.

Discovering his love for reading piques your interest, knowing your mutual fondness for books. This realization sparks a lively conversation about favourite authors and cherished books. The genuine curiosity and engagement exchanged between the two of you ignites a flutter within your chest, relishing the ease with which you connect and share your passions with Yeosang.

Yeosang remains by your side until the very last piece of food disappears, his unwavering presence a testament to his attentiveness and care. Not a single crumb is left, and as you sink back into the comforting embrace of your pillows, the weight of the day begins to settle upon you. The heaviness of your eyelids is a gentle reminder that rest is calling, but before sleep claims you, you can't help but feel grateful for the precious moment spent with Yeosang.

“This is the book I was explaining earlier!” Yeosang exclaims, turning his phone to you to show the book he couldn’t remember the name of. However, when he looks up to you, he finds you snuggled into the pillow, your mouth slightly parted, eyes closed. Surprised, his eyes widen as he peers over your sleeping form. Yeosang’s heart swells, revelling in the fact that you felt comfortable enough to allow yourself to fall asleep.

Tucking you into your blanket, careful not to wake you up, he studies you once more, taking in all of your features. He notes each freckle and mole on your face, the way your eyelashes rest against the swell of your cheeks, your hair falling messily over the sheets.

Yeosang gracefully exits your room, a gentle smile adorning his face and a faint blush colouring his cheeks. The evening spent together was a significant milestone in your friendship, and he couldn't help but feel content that he had won the rock-paper-scissors with Wooyoung to order food for you. However, what catches him off guard is the sight of Yunho emerging from his own room simultaneously, intending to make a trip to the kitchen for a glass of water. In that moment, disappointment flickers across Yunho's eyes as he witnesses Yeosang leaving your room.

“Are you seriously cosying up to her?” Yunho’s voice is once again full of venom, not even realising the tone he’s using to talk to his close friend.

“I’m not having this conversation with you right now Yunho.” Exhausted by the taller male's behaviour, Yeosang attempts to walk past him, seeking to put some distance between them. However, his friend intercepts him, halting his steps and preventing him from moving forward.

“I’m being serious, how can you just let her in after everything we have been through?”

“You can’t hold this grudge up forever; she lives with us now.”

“You were the one who said, ‘we will never let outsiders in again’ what the fuck happened to that?”

“It’s ___ dude, she was never an outsider, and you know that damn well.”

“Are you seriously this desperate to get your dick wet that you’ve forgotten everything we have been through?”

“That’s not what this is about, you know that.” Yeosang pushes past Yunho and walks towards the kitchen, taking a seat down on the barstool. Yunho follows him, grabbing a glass from the designated cupboard.

“She may have saved Hwa, Yeosang, but the second she is given the opportunity to leave us she will, just like Ryu did.”

“I don’t understand why you are acting like this after everything she did to help us get back on our feet. She is nothing like her, you would know that if you gave yourself the chance to get to know ___.”

“I don’t understand why you are acting like this. This is exactly what happened with Ryu, she got close to us, just to take away everything.”

“Aren’t you tired of acting like a dickhead to everyone all the time?”

“We do this, so we don’t go through that ever again.” Yunho’s voice raises slightly, his voice starting to echo in the kitchen. “We have acted like this for years because that is the damn narrative that that bitch gave us.”

“Are you seriously telling me after all these years you aren’t tired of being this way just to avoid getting your heart broken? It’s a human thing, Yunho, we deserve love too.”

“You aren’t the one who had your entire heart ripped out of your chest.” Yunho’s voice is louder this time causing some restless heads in the house to shake awake.

“You know damn well my heart was crushed too.” This time Yeosang yells back at him, taking the tall man by surprise. Yeosang barely ever raises his voice, let alone it being directed toward someone, Yunho steps back a little. “I know what you had with her, you thought was special, but you can’t keep dwelling on it. ­­­Back when this all began, ___ was the only person willing to be kind. I know for a fact you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel even the smallest amount of love for her.” Yeosang’s voice is exasperated, begging towards his friend to stop the act he has up.

“Then what if I do love her?” Yunho’s voice cracks and Yeosang can see the tears starting to dwell in his eyes, causing him to soften slightly. Yunho continues, “there’s nothing stopping her from doing the same thing as Ryu the second Seonghwa’s dickhead of a father offers her the money to ruin us. She will leave us and our hearts, my heart will be broken again.” The tears in Yunho’s eyes fall onto the surface of the island, yet he doesn’t know whether they are from pure frustration or because the truth is starting to hit him like bricks.

“When we were KQ Fellaz, she knew we were trouble, she knew the rumours about us, she knew the danger she was putting herself in every time she stood up for us. When were all broken from the trauma and heart break she never once pressured us to talk about it, she never yelled at us when we yelled at her, she was never scared of us. Don’t tell me you don’t remember every time single fucking time she cleaned the wounds on your hands after getting in countless of unnecessary fights?” Yeosang runs his hands through his hair, frustrated by the sheer ignorance of his friend.

Yunho goes to speak but he gets cut off by Yeosang, who is half fuming half desperate. “She was kind to us without ever expecting anything in return, so stop letting your stupid prejudice against the human race blind you completely from what’s in front of you. If she was like Ryu, she would have let Seonghwa jump off that ledge.”

Yunho feels his heart drop as he remembers the sight of his older friend in such a fragile state, his only option to be to end it, him not being able to help the pain he was enduring.

“Please Yunho,” Yeosang’s voice is soft this time, nothing louder than a whisper, “just give her a chance.”

#ateez #ateez x reader #ateez poly #poly ateez #ateez angst #ot8!ateez #hongjoong #hongjoong smut #hongjoong angst #seonghwa #seonghwa smut #seonghwa angst #yunho #yunho smut #yunho angst #yeosang #yeosang angst #yeosang smut #mingi #mingi smut #mingi angst #san #san smut #san angst #woosan #woosan smut #wooyoung smut #wooyoung angst #yandere ateez #wooyoung

[rainba]

Erased

TWs/Tags: yandere, violence, spoilers for Sumeru + angst

-------------------------------------------------------

He’s got you right where he wants you- your throat within his grip. He’s cackling maniacally with a freakish grin plastered on his face, but there’s also tears pouring out of his eyes. He looks like a beautiful, broken porcelain doll.

Under the cover of darkness, he chased you, grabbed you, and trapped you in the cage of his arms.

The way the moonlight illuminates your beautiful face drives him to insanity.

“I know you’ve forgotten me, you- you don’t know who I am at all… But…” He grits his teeth and sneers. “Tell me, what’s my name!? Say it!” He strangles you in a fit of sheer desperation, but you can’t choke out a single word. Even if you were capable of speaking, you wouldn’t know what to say. What are you supposed to say? 

This stranger is scaring you.

His grip loosens when he sees your face changing colors. As you gasp for air, you scream. “Let go of me, freak!” You kick and squirm as harshly as you can. If you don’t escape him now, there’s no telling what he’ll do to you. When you shriek those words, they tear away at him, shredding into him like razor blades. If he had a heart, it would be bleeding. 

He doesn’t move for a second. He just stares with shaking eyes.

Scaramouche did this to himself, he knows that very well… So why?

Why does this hurt so fucking bad?

Before he erased his past from this world, the two of you were attached at the hip. It was utterly strange. Scaramouche hated humans to his core, but he had made an exception for you. You were just so different. You loved him deeply- you had once accepted him. He would bark insults at you, but you always bite back. And he loved that about you. It was always a playful game to see who would win, even though it always ended with Scaramouche coming out on top due to his unbearable stubbornness. After all, you’re just a human, and he’s so much more.

Yet he despised how much he missed you.

And he loathed how much he craves your love.

He misses the way you would run your fingers through his dark purple hair. He misses the way you would kiss his nose and steal his hat to wear it, even though it always annoyed him. What he once thought were inconveniences turned out to be his favorite parts of life. He hated you, but he loved you too, and he could never understand it. He also would never say any of it out loud.

In the past, he never told you that he loved you, but somehow it was like you knew anyway. He constantly called you stupid, but he was always lying through his teeth.

But now… Now you stare at him with terrified eyes as you scratch and kick at him. It’s so painful, it hurts so bad, and because of that he continues to sob. He’s never cried like this before… He feels fucking pathetic. He shouldn’t be feeling this way. How is it even possible for him to feel this way? How did he let himself get so attached? He just wants it to stop.

He wants it all to go away.

He just wants you to– no, needs you to remember him, even though he knows it's impossible.

The fact that he did this to himself without thinking twice is what makes everything much more frustrating.

Does he regret erasing himself from irminsul? No, he doesn’t. But… Still…

His mind goes numb as his hands tighten around your throat a little more. At this point, you’re shaking like a leaf, worried that you won’t make it out alive. “I’m not a freak, you lowly human.” He seethes and instinctively hurls back an insult. Scaramouche hardly cares about what others think of him, but hearing you call him such a thing with genuine malice bothers him.

Meanwhile, all you can do is think about how to escape. You’ve never met this man before a day in your life… Why is he doing this? You wonder if he’s mistaking you for someone else. Perhaps he’s going through a psychotic episode. You try to reason out the situation, but there’s really no point. Your heart is beating so fast that it might just burst. 

“S…Sc… Sca… Scar…” You murmur out fragments of a word, and Scaramouche’s eyes widen. Scar? Are you going to say ‘Scaramouche’? Without thinking, he lets go of you and lifts himself up a little, giving you ample opportunity to escape his clutches. You shoot your leg up and knee him as hard as you can before crawling away. “Scared…” You finish your word. 

“I’m scared… Please, just leave me alone!”

Tears start streaming down your face, and that makes two of you. Scaramouche is too stunned to move as he watches you run the other way. When he realizes that you’re no longer in his grasp, he freaks out. “Get back here!”

It can’t end like this…

No, it absolutely can’t.

He won’t let it.

He’ll hunt you down to the edges of this earth. He’ll grab you, cage you, embrace you until the warmth of his presence is the only reason why you live and breathe. Scaramouche jumps to his feet and begins to chase you.

Your feet burn as you race across the grassy forest of Sumeru, desperate to escape with your life. You jump over roots, dodge stray rocks, and dash through little streams of water. Your breathing grows so heavy that your lungs burn, and your head begins to spin. You run for what feels like hours, and unwillingly, you collapse onto your knees. 

You clutch at your chest and cough. Everything burns so badly… 

Everything hurts… Why does everything hurt?

But at least you’re free now.

Or so you thought.

“Did you really think you could run away from me?”

A violent voice rang out from the darkness. Before you could even react, you were pinned down to the ground again. It was futile- so utterly futile to think you can escape him. You’re so dizzy that you can’t make out the words that he’s saying. He’s yelling something- you can tell from the way his mouth is moving. All you can make out is the word ‘remember.’ 

But you stop looking at him- opting to look at the stars instead. They’re so beautiful… So far away.

Scaramouche notices the way you’re dissociating and backhands you. He brings you back down to earth. “Are you ignoring me?” His anger boils into pure rage. The past you would never ignore him… The past you would never dare to run away from him. 

Scaramouche shakes your shoulders as he yells more obscenities at you.

He’s shaking you so harshly that your head hits the ground multiple times.

He shakes you so hard that your skull collides with a stone beneath your head.

When he sees blood, his eyes widen.

“W-wait,” his breath hitches. “I didn’t mean to do that.” His voice comes out barely above a whisper as he watches you black out from beneath him.

“(Y/n)?” He calls out.

“(Y/n), wake up.”

He shakes you just a little more, careful to not hurt you this time.

“I order you to wake up!” He uses one hand to grab your face tightly, trying to get you to react, but you don’t.

Scaramouche panics before placing his ear against your chest, searching for a pulse. When he hears the soft beating, he can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. All he does then is hold you close to him, refusing to let go. You’re just as warm as ever… So, so soft. He’s trembling like a leaf.

He can’t help but think that this is so unlike him.

When you’re around, it’s like he becomes an entirely different person.

He closes his eyes and buries his face in your neck while breathing in your scent. Even though he erased himself from this world, you remain mostly unchanged. 

All he wants is you.

Scaramouche doesn’t care that you hate him right now. Yes, it stings, but he’ll get you to love him again… You don’t have a choice. He’ll spend day and night getting you to fall for him. It’ll be just like before. You’ll smile at him, whisper sweet nothings into his ear again, and tease him until he gets red in the face. Just like usual. 

God, he fucking hates how you make him feel.

But he needs it so badly.

As he rises to his feet, he holds you gently in his arms, taking special care of your head. Your blood drips onto his arms, but it doesn’t bother him. He’ll get you patched up and healed in no time. Then he’ll keep you by his side… Forever… Just like before. 

You’re not allowed to forget about him.

You’re not allowed to live a life without him.

You belong to him…

And he belongs to you.

#scaramouche/reader #yandere scaramouche #yandere genshin impact #scaramouche x reader #angst

[vampirebloodie]

Little Help | Mark Hoffman x Reader

Summary: John makes Hoffman help you and he almost kills you (with pleasure)

Warning: NSFW Smut, creampie, degradation kink, puller hair

After having survived one of Jigsaw's tests after making some bad choices in life, John Kramer saw enormous potential in you due to your willpower to survive being different from anyone else tested, you had the strength of an apprentice, as well as Amanda and Lawrence. As you didn't have many things to lose, you easily accepted John's invitation to become one of his apprentices and help him with the next games, even though it was almost like signing other people's death warrants, you saw it as a job, you just don't receive any payment for it.

Amanda wasn't with you today at the factory, so it was just you who was putting together a new trap and John who was drawing some new models in a notebook. You had been making some mistakes for a few days now, which made him start keeping an eye on you to look for some good solution.

“I called Hoffman to give a little help for you. I see that you are having a lot of difficulties.”

John said, still drawing. You felt your heart stop for a few seconds after hearing that. You hated Hoffman just as he hated you too and you knew that very well, he made a point of always making it clear when you saw each other, which fortunately was rare.

"You what? Hoffman? Are you kidding me? What about Lawrence?”

Unlike Mark, Lawrence liked you and you liked him too, you always got along well and always helped each other.

“Lawrence has a family, and he's traveling with them. Amanda is not available, you stay with Hoffman, the end.”

He closed the subject there and you huffed in frustration, the hours there with the detective would be terrible.

.........

It was almost dusk, John had gone home to rest in his room while you had stayed to wait for Hoffman, sleep had consumed you and you soon dozed off on the table, only to be woken up by a loud knock on the table that almost made you have a heart attack.

“Finally! I thought that besides being stupid you were also deaf.”

You rubbed your eyes and looked up to see the devil, aka Mark, staring at you.

“Fuck you.”

“You can curse me later, cutie. We have a lot of work to do.”

He went to the other table where there was the trap that you needed to assemble but there was something wrong with the pieces, since every time you tried to fit it to your body it simply came apart and you had to do it all over again.

"Do it"

He handed the materials into your hand, but you didn't take them.

“How am i going to fix it if i don't know where im going wrong damn? i've tried several times.”

Mark took a deep breath and placed the tools on the table again, carefully picking up the trap.

“Don't be a stupid girl, just open your fucking arms.”

You ignored his rude manner and looked at him suspiciously, opening your arms, then you felt the trap being placed around your waist and your neck.

“Hey hey, what are you doing?”

You despaired for a few seconds thinking he was going to fix it and use it on you.

“I'm not going to kill you with that ugly thing you did. I need a model to be able to see the error. Unfortunately, i only have you.”

You ignored the offense and stayed quiet, he bent down a little in front of you and looked at the pieces, you held your breath when he looked at the part of your neck and ran his hand over it. You could swear he squeezed your neck on purpose.

"Thats it."

He spoke and took one of the tools, where he placed it near his neck and fixed the error that was in the support of the equipment. After that he released the trap again and removed it from his body, placing it on the table. You felt your neck tingle.

Mark ran his long fingers along your neck, where the metal had left a mark due to his grip, you tried to control your breathing when you realized how close your two faces were to each other. You looked at him again.

“Don’t look at me like that…”

"Like what?"

You tried to hide the sexual tension, turning your head, only to feel his hand pulling your face back to look at him, at his blue eyes.

“I know you don’t really hate me, do you think i don’t see you staring at me every day?”

“I stare at you and imagine myself killing you in various traps.”

You tried to finish the subject there and he laughed sarcastically.

“Oh sure. Do you know what i imagine when i look at you, Y/n?”

He got close to her ear and whispered:

“I imagine myself every day fucking that tight pussy of yours right on this table and you screaming my name.”

You closed your legs on impulse as soon as you heard that, only to see a smile appear on his face, he grabbed your hair from behind, giving a light tug making you let out a moan.

“Why don’t you make it a reality then, detective?”

"I will”

You felt his tongue invade your mouth with precision while his arms pinned you against the table, Mark held your waist and placed you sitting on the table, where this time he attacked your neck leaving some marks, your hand pulled his tie. Hoffman took off your blouse, squeezing your breasts and then removed your underwear, he took off his blazer and threw it in a random corner of the room and pushed you against the table, opening your legs, you shivered when you felt his fingers pass through your intimacy.

“You don’t know how many times i've thought of you in this position just for me.”

He squatted in front of you and removed your panties, leaving you completely exposed to him, before you could say anything you felt his tongue invading your pussy making you scream in surprise, his tongue worked so well inside you that made you roll your eyes with so much pleasure, Hoffman stuck two fingers inside you and started moving them while sucking your clit, you pulled his hair, you felt your stomach tighten.

“H-Hoffman, I...”

“No.”

He realized you were going to cum and pulled away, making you moan in frustration, he grabbed your neck and unzipped his pants, exposing his member, which made your eyes widen a little due to its large size, Mark positioned his member at your entrance and forced himself into you, the tip hitting your cervix, which made you squirm at the new sensation.

He placed both hands on your hips and began thrusting hard into you. Completely invading you with each blow. You grabbed his arms and moaned loudly. Hoffman pulled your hair and squeezed your neck, starting to choke you as the loud sound of your bodies crashing into each other filled the empty room. Your face started to turn red due to lack of air and he seemed to enjoy it.

“You look so perfect when im choking you, you fucking little slut!”

He said irritably and began to move even harder and released your neck, making you gasp for air quickly, Hoffman squeezed your waist tightly, which would probably leave marks later, the two of you moaned loudly and together. His fingers began to make quick movements on your clit, making you almost cry with pleasure.

“Be a good girl and cum for me while you scream my name, hm?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, fuck, Mark!!”

"Good girl!”

You screamed, cumming and feeling your legs weaken and shake, Mark grunted and soon you felt him coming apart inside you, you breathed for a few seconds before he came out inside you, watching the semen drip from your pussy, he licked his lips. Mark took you off the table and helped you get dressed again.

“It won’t change how much i hate you.”

You said and he laughed.

“Please remember to say this when i fuck you again .”

He gave two little slaps in your face and put his blazer back on.

“I'll give you a ride. Hurry up. Cmon"

You put on your boots and picked up your bag, walking alongside him, even though your legs still felt sticky to each other. God, what have you done?

#saw #saw x reader #mark hoffman #mark hoffman x reader #costas mandylor #saw x #saw 10

[actuallysaiyan]

I Think You're Holding The Heart Of Mine(Part 3)

warnings: smutty words, rumours, Gojo is a little shit, swear words

word count: 2k

pairings: Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader

summary: ever since the night you got drunk and almost kissed Kento, everyone is taking about you two. the first years are now convinced you and Kento are "fucking like bunnies", and the man who started it all? none other than Gojo Satoru, who is incidentally the man who needs you and Kento to go on a super secluded mission together...

taglist: @beneathstarryskies

Part one|Part two|Part four

The rumor going around for the past week has been that you and Nanami were intimate. Despite the fact that you and him didn’t even kiss, Once the food had arrived, you and him settled on the couch and ate. Kento, being the gentleman he is, never even mentioned the kiss. He kept the chatting light and then he helped you get settled in the guest room.

What caused everyone to think you two were finally having sex was Gojo seeing you two arrive to work together. Kento had driven you home that morning so you could get ready and changed, and he had brought you to work with him. When Gojo saw you coming out of the car, he knew something had to have happened between you and Nanami.

Yet, it proved to be boring as you and Nanami worked together and silently too. Gojo tried to push your buttons and ask a million questions, but neither of you budged. And this was mostly due to you and Nanami both not really knowing how to deal with the situation at hand. The kiss(and it wasn’t even really a true kiss as it never happened) was still in the back of your mind.

Kento kept his composure most of the day, and by the end of it, he had decided to leave you with Gojo. You had seen just how frustrated your work husband had become, so you took it in stride and didn’t think he was trying to make this about you.

Yet as the week went on, the less you saw of Kento. He was often busy with Itadori or on his own missions. To say you missed him would be an understatement. You were beginning to think you could have withdrawals from someone. 

This left you a little scatterbrained, but you were trying your best to focus on the task at hand. This was a simple mission and you had brought along Kugisaki-chan and Takuma-kun. Strangely enough, they had fully distracted you. Even though you were thinking of Kento and the next time you’d see him, your underlings were making this mission quite a bit fun.

“Hey Ino,” Nobara says, a smirk on her face.

Ino shoots her a look, “Yeah, what’s up?”

You try your best to not pay attention, though you’re so sure she’s going to try and get Ino involved in these silly rumors. Kugisaki had already roped Itadori and Fushiguro(much to his dismay) into the false stories drip-fed to her by Satoru, so considering that Ino was very close to Nanami-san himself, you knew this would end in him asking you about your relationship with his senpai.

“They WHAT?” Ino asks, his eyes bulging.

You look back at them, a look of rage in your eyes that’s locked onto Kugisaki, and they both shut up. Though you can see Nobara is dying to continue this conversation with Ino. She’s a little red in the cheeks, but there’s a challenging smirk on her face.

“Kugisaki-chan, that’s not very nice.” Ino finally says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Besides, if they did do that, he would have definitely told me about it.”

“What? No way! He wouldn’t talk about that kind of thing!”

You groan, “I am right here! What are you two gossipping about?”

Kugisaki smirks at you, and she knows she’s got you cornered. She approaches you, pressing her hammer against your chest playfully. 

“Come on, sensei…you and Nanami-sensei finally had sex!”

Your heart stops for a moment, and your face turns beet red. This isn't happening right now. No, no you cannot believe it. Ino looks at you sympathetically and apologetically, unsure if he should even step in to help with the situation at hand.

“That’s super inappropriate. Who told you that?” You ask, an authoritative tone to your voice now.

Kugisaki smirks, “Nuh-uh! Not telling you my sources!”

You roll your eyes and sigh. You need to clear the air, but how are you supposed to do that? The only person you can think of that could have started this rumor is Gojo Satoru. After that night, you were sure he was trying to get you and Nanami together.

“Listen to me, cause I’m not explaining it twice. Kento and I are just good friends. We have been for ages, and that won’t change. He’s such a good friend that he helped me get home safe after a night out of drinking.”

Ino and Kugisaki exchange glances, but you shoot them both a warning glare. They know better than to argue. Suddenly, Kugisaki smiles a little too sweetly.

“Oh, so you don’t find Nanami-sensei to be very handsome and sweet?”

You argue back, “W-what? Of course I think he’s…handsome and kind.”

Ino laughs softly, “He is a good sensei, always looking out for everyone.”

This makes you blush a bit, “Yeah, that’s true.”

You back away to give yourself some space, only to realize you’ve just hit into something…or someone.

You look back and you see that cream suit you’re so fond of familiar with. Then you look up to see Kento’s bespectacled eyes and he’s got a smirk on his face. You wonder how much of Kugisaki’s comments he’s heard.

“Oh! Nanami-san, how nice of you to join us!” Ino exclaims, approaching his senpai.

“I’m here for her. We’ve got something to discuss, if you’re all done with the mission.” Kento is speaking about you.

Kugisaki chimes in, “Don’t worry sensei, we’ll fill out the report! You can trust us!” And with that, she’s dragging Ino off towards the school.

You sigh as you watch them go. They are both amazing sorcerers, but the gossiping was starting to get on your nerves. You finally look at Kento, happy to see him. There’s a sweet smile playing on your lips.

“Kento-kun…it’s nice to see you.” You greet him, your eyes meeting his gaze.

“So, you think I’m handsome, yeah?”

Your heart skips a beat and a blush begins to creep up on your cheeks. You’re so flustered right now. Was this the only reason why he wanted to talk to you? You stumble on your words, unsure of what to say.

He moves in a little closer and looks around to make sure you’re both alone. Then he leans in to press a kiss to your forehead and soothes some hair out of your face.

“Hey, I missed you…”His voice is suddenly softer and sweeter, making your stomach do flips.

“Oh Kento, I missed you too.”

You both are looking into each other’s eyes and you feel him leaning in closer. You aren’t sure if he’ll kiss you this time, but you won’t fight it if that’s what happens.

“NANAMIN!” 

Both of you sigh in annoyance and turn to face the source of the sound. Gojo comes running towards you, a shit-eating grin on his face. He knows exactly what he’s doing right now, though he was surprised to see that you and Kento were already so close to one another.

Once Gojo gets close enough, he’s already talking a mile a minute. Neither of you can really make sense of what’s going on, but you know it’s got to be somewhat serious and important. 

“You two! On a mission! Starting today!”

You sigh as you realize you’ll be pulling double duty. Kento groans as well, noticing how close to quitting time it is. He looks at the expensive timepiece on his wrist, tapping on it softly to show Gojo what time it is.

“Come on! This is a good mission! It’s a business trip too, which appeals to your boring businessman nature, Nanamin!” Gojo is trying so hard to sell this idea to you.

“A business trip?” You ask, unsure of what to make of all this.

Gojo smirks, “Well, it’s not really that kind of business trip. But it requires you two to be out of town for a few days.”

Kento grunts, “All expenses paid, correct?”

“Of course! Nothing but the best for my favorite colleagues!”

Gojo wraps his arms around both of your shoulders, pulling you both a bit closer to him. He explains to you how in a small village a few hours away, there’s been reports of a curse terrorizing the inn. It’s a popular tourist spot for couples honeymooning. You begin to realize what this is all about and it makes you a little nervous.

“I need to stay here and take care of things with our little first years!” Gojo lies expertly, explaining to you and Nanami why he can’t go.

You nod, “Alright, we’ll do it.”

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

You and Kento settle in your seats on the train. This would probably be the best thing about this trip. A train ride out into the countryside was seemingly just what you and him needed. After Gojo had concluded his explanation to you and Kento, you both had decided to leave to go home and pack your bags.

It made you all so nervous. It’s not like it was the first time you and Kento had gone on a mission like this before, but with the lingering feelings, it was beginning to seem like your superior was playing matchmaker. You met Kento at the train station, waiting for him near the snack bar.

With your luggage safely on the train and your late dinners bought, you and Kento had felt good to enter the train and to begin this new adventure. 

You lay back in your seat, watching the world go by through the window. Kento is still eating, a soft smile on his face as he eats some of his favorite foods. He’s always been this way about food, and you find it oh so endearing. You look over at him and he gives you a boyish grin.

“Are you excited?” Kento asks you, taking a sip of his black coffee.

You nod your head, “Yeah despite the fact that this has been a stressful week, I am so excited to get away from all this.”

Kento hums softly, looking out the window now too. Both of you fall silent. There’s still the thought of that almost kiss(which has happened twice now), and of course the rumors that have been spreading like wildfire.

“Did you know that we’re fucking like bunnies?” 

You burst out laughing at Kento’s question, looking at him like he’s got five heads. He smirks at your reaction, knowing you’d be tickled pink by this. He loves seeing you like this; your cheeks all pink and your eyes crinkled as you laugh so loudly. He can see tears in the corners of your eyes.

“Who told you that?” You ask, biting your lip.

“Itadori-kun. He even said it like that.”

You roll your eyes, “He probably heard it from Kugisaki-chan who heard it from—”

“Gojo. Yeah, I’m well aware of the rumors. That’s why I’ve been away for the better part of the week. I figured I’d give us some distance so people don’t get the wrong idea.”

You smile softly, unsure of how to answer. Does this mean he’s not actually interested in being in a real relationship with you? You’ve got so many questions, but you really don’t know where to begin with them.

The scenery outside begins to change as the city begins rolling away past you even faster now. You watch as the buildings disappear in a blur and trees are all you can see for some time. Then you feel his warm hand on yours, squeezing softly.

“Listen, about what happened that night…”

You shake your head, “Don’t even worry about it. It was nothing. I’m just glad I have such a good friend to take care of me.”

His heart wrenches when you say it was nothing; It wasn’t nothing to him, but he didn’t know how to address it. So he hums in approval once more, and softly reminds you that you can always call on him for a favor. This soothes you, knowing you said the right thing. But in reality, you’ve only made him even more conflicted inside.

Neither of you continue the conversation, and feelings run wild and rampant inside your minds. The scenery outside is beautiful with the sun setting. Soon, you’d be in a new place with a whole new objective. You begin to wonder if maybe taking this mission was a mistake. You aren’t giving it much more thought before a yawn escapes you. Kento chuckles.

“Why don’t you take a nap? I’ll wake you up when we arrive.”

And that’s all you need to hear before you close your eyes. Maybe being alone with him for a few days will open some new doors for the both of you…or make things even more awkward.

#bacon.writes #nanami x reader #nanami x you #nanami x y/n #nanami imagines #nanami x fem!reader #kento x you #kento x reader #jjk nanami x you #jjk nanami x reader #jjk x you #jjk x reader #kento nanami x reader #Kento Nanami x y/n #Kento Nanami x you #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jjk #jjk imagines #kento nanami imagines #Nanami Kento imagines #kento fluff #nanami fluff

[justthatwwegirl]

(Idk, I'm always making imagines inspired by Laufey songs)

From The Start

(Grayson Waller x Female Reader)

Summary: Y/N finally tells Grayson about her feelings for him and it goes in a way she didn't expect.

(Warnings: Shitty summary and kinda rushed ending, two idiots in love, some cursing, Liv and Austin being icons.)

Y/N sat on one of the crates, opening her water bottle as she had just finished her match.

Her and Dakota faced against eachother, Y/N coming out on top.

Just right as she was still drinking her water, there came the face she had wanted to see, the person who made her smile and blush till she felt like a high school girl with a crush.

"Y/N/N! Congrats on your match." Grayson had said, walking up to her with some food from catering and a vending machine before giving her a hug that she returned back.

"Thank you." Y/N said quietly. She ate the food very eagerly due to her hunger. Not eating before the show or during.

Her and Grayson had been good friends since their NXT days, Y/N falling for the Australian ever since they met and falling even more in love every day after.

The two had grown very close and cared for each other dearly.

Grayson was more outgoing and very much an extrovert. Y/N liked to keep to herself, didn't like going out and was more of an introvert.

"Hey, do you wanna order takeout when we get back to the hotel?" Grayson asked in his Australian accent, making Y/N go weak.

"Um, sure why not." Y/N said, keeping a cool composure.

Grayson smiled at her, making Y/N smiled back automatically, blushing just a little (or a lot).

Grayson had sat next to her, leaning to rest his head on her shoulder.

Y/N smiled and then leaned her head on his.

Just very friendly things...

"I like your gear." Y/N said making Grayson look down at his gear with a smile.

"T-thank you!" Grayson said in a stuttering mess, making Y/N concerned.

"You okay, Gray?" Y/N asked, using his nickname.

Before Grayson could answer, a familiar voice interrupted.

"Y/N!" Liv had said giving Y/N a big hug that Y/N returned.

"I saw your match and you did absolutely amazing!" Liv said making Y/N jump off the crate and slightly nod.

Liv looked at Grayson and at Y/N before holding her hands up. "Looks like I interrupted some time between you and your boyfriend, sorry!" Liv apologized making Y/N rub her face and making Grayson start smiling.

"I'll see you later, Grayson." Y/N said, looking like a red tomato and waved bye.

Grayson frowned a little but ultimately said bye as well.

"Okay, I didn't even do anything wrong, I said the truth." Liv said and Y/N crossed her arms.

"We're not dating! And as much as I would like that, you know he doesn't feel the same way." Y/N said and Liv looked at her confused.

"Y/N, you can't be serious right now." Liv said and Y/N shrugged her shoulders.

"I am. He doesn't like me back and that's fine. I don't wanna ruin years worth of friendship just because I have a crush on him." Y/N said with a frown.

"Girl. You do realize he feels the same right?" Liv asked, making Y/N shake her head.

"I can give you multiple reasons on why I think so!" Liv said before going on a rant making Y/N listen.

Even though Y/N acted like she wasn't interested. Deep deep down, she hoped Liv's reason were true.

"I hope you know that you talk about this man NONSTOP. Pretty much half of our messages is you talking about how much you love him and want him. Well, I'm here to tell you why you should shoot your shot BECAUSE HE LIKES YOU BACK!" Liv said in a frustrated tone making Y/N jump just a little.

"1, when me and Naomi are on the topic of you guys," "Wait you guys talk about us?" "Not important, anyways." Liv continues. "We both notice how much he listens to you when you talk. Not like how a normal guy listens like this man is INVESTED and he always looks at you with those fucking heart eyes." Liv says making Y/N confused.

"Number 2, who got you matching bracelets for your birthday, AND took you to the mall to go on a shopping spree, not minding how much money you spent?" Liv asked making Y/N look down.

"Gray." Y/N whispered. Liv smiled a she proved even more of her point.

"And who gave you matching bracelets in NXT which you are still wearing today?" Liv asked another question making Y/N scoff.

"Gray." Y/N answered once again, showing her wrist that showed the bracelet.

"You can stop this rant-" "I am not done until you say you will tell him." Liv stated making Y/N groan.

"He gets you food almost every day, he literally carried you everywhere when you injured your leg even though you had crunches, even Triple H thought you guys were dating, and then, this man lets you hold his man just because you're nervous-" "Fine, fine! I'll tell him." Y/N said in defeat making Liv jump and down in excitement.

"Yes! Oh my gosh, FINALLY!" Liv says jumping and down, clapping her hands.

"Alright, Liv, chill." Y/N says while Liv takes some breathes before finally calming down.

"It's that obvious?" Y/N asks, looking at Liv.

"Yes. It is that obvious. He even talks to Austin so much about you to the point where Austin calls you Grayson's girlfriend." Liv says making Y/N blush a little and smile.

"And according to Austin, Grayson doesn't correct him." Y/N looks up at Liv.

"Gosh, if you keep telling me this, I'll die of being too flustered." Y/N said before covering her face as she was blushing and smiling too hard.

"When you're not around, the man complains to Austin 24/7 about how much he missed you."

"STOP-"

-

"You still have that?" Y/N pointed to the little wristband that she made for Grayson years ago.

"Yeah, I wear it everyday and pretty much everywhere." Grayson said, holding the door open for Y/N as they walked into the hotel.

"You didn't notice?" Grayson asked making Y/N shake her head.

"No, I thought you had lost it." Y/N said as they got to the counter, booking their room.

"Imagine if they give us the honeymoon room again." Grayson says, making Y/N let out a laugh.

"That was something." Y/N said, shaking her head in a smile as they went toward the elevator.

They entered the elevator, continuing their conversation.

She always made eye contact with him during conversations even though it made her super nervous. But she loved the way they looked and always smiled at least once during every conversation they had.

She always took his features into deep thought.

Just as they were talking, Y/N had remembered what she promised Liv and immediately groaned, rubbing her face.

"Y/N/N, you okay?" Grayson asked, putting his hand on her shoulder make her relax.

"Um yeah, but I kind of wanted to talk to you about something." Y/N said, facing her fears.

"What is it-" A loud sound had interrupted him, making Y/N and Grayson.

"What just happened?!" Y/N asked in a loud tone, looking around.

"Did the elevator get stuck?!" Grayson asked, also looking around.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now." Y/N said stressed, making her grab Grayson's hand.

Grayson held her hand, squeezing it and making them look at each other.

"It's going to be okay, they'll fix it." Grayson said, trying to calm her down even though he was terrible at it.

"You're right." Y/N said before taking some deep breathes but never letting go of his hand.

The two stood in silence. Still holding one another's hand.

Until Grayson broke the silence.

"What were you going to tell me?" He asked, squeezing her hand again as she looked at him.

"I'm going to try and tell you in the best way I can but you make me super nervous and I just-" Y/N paused.

"I just what?" Grayson asked quietly.

"I like you, more than a friend should." Y/N quickly blurted out.

"I've liked you from the start and the feeling has gotten stronger ever since and I understand if you don't feel the same or if you just wanna be friends I'm really sorry-" While Y/N rushed, before she could finish, she felt those soft lips she had always wanted to kiss against hers.

Y/N kissed him back immediately. Not wanting the moment to end ever.

Until Grayson had to pull away.

"Well, if that doesn't tell you that I feel the same way, I don't know what will." Grayson said in his accent that kept making her go weak.

"I'm still a little... shocked that you feel the same, didn't even realize." Y/N said.

"I thought I was being obvious, I kept dropping hints!" Grayson said making Y/N scrunch her eyebrows in confusion.

"I talk about you so much where Austin has to deal with it everyday. He calls you my girlfriend cause I always talk about you!" Grayson said.

'Well, Liv did tell me that.' Y/N thought.

"Everytime we were away, I always fell asleep on the phone with you and every time I see you, I feel like eyes turn into hearts." Grayson continues making Y/N blush.

"I tried giving you hints but I was too damn awkward." Y/N defended herself.

"You know how shy I am, Gray" Y/N says making Grayson smile and nod.

"I do, and every single time you opened up to me or revealed something about yourself, it gave me more reasons on why I love you." Y/N blushed even more at his statement before giving him a look.

"How long have you felt this way?" Y/N asked him.

"Since we met-" "I could have told you this whole time?!" Y/N shouted.

Grayson laughed and nodded before hugging Y/N.

She hugged back and looked up at him. He looked down at her with their eyes locking and leaned in.

He kissed her with such passion that it made her melt as she kissed him back.

She held onto him as the two continued to kiss but both of them didn't hear anything as they felt like they were in a different world when with one another.

And especially didn't hear the elevator door opening.

"OH MY GOSH!" Liv shouted, making Grayson and Y/N pull away, looking to see Liv and Austin standing next to each other.

"YOU OWE ME 50 BUCKS THEORY!" Liv shouted once again and Austin groaned.

"You guys couldn't have waited one more week?" Austin asked as he pulled a 50 dollar bill from his wallet, giving it to Liv as she danced in a celebration.

"I mean if it wasn't for Liv, I still would be dreaming my fantasies with him away." Y/N said making Grayson start blushing.

Grayson and Y/N stepped out of the elevator while Liv and Austin got in. Everyone said goodbye to eachother while the elevator closed and once again, Y/N and Grayson were alone again.

"Does this make us a couple?" Grayson asked and Y/N nodded her head.

"I hope so. I want to be your girlfriend." Y/N said with another smile as she kissed Grayson again.

"And I want to be your boyfriend." Grayson said, kissing her back while she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Then, we're together, Gray." She whispered and leaned in for another kiss which Grayson immediately obliged too.

The End ♡

#wwe #grayson waller imagine #grayson waller #grayson waller x reader #grayson waller oneshot #wwe fanfiction #wwe imagine #wwe oneshot #wwe x reader #wwe fluff #fluff #thismanhasbeenstuckinmyhead #Spotify

[blayresmuses]

Headcanons for Rhaenyra, Daemon, Aemond, and whoever else you’d like to include on how they’d comfort/reassure their lover the reader who’s sort of insecure about her body due to not being thin like women are typically expected to be? (So sorry if this is a lame request. I’ve obviously just been having a bad body image day and stumbled across your other headcanons and loved them!)

HOW THEY REASSURE YOU

summary: how the hotd characters would reassure you when you have body insecurities.

includes: aemond, aegon, rhaenyra, daemon, jace & harwin

authors note: it was such a coincidence when you sent me this because i’ve been feeling the exact same way, pms is a complete bitch. sending you so much love nonnie!

aemond is the type to take you in front of a mirror and make you watch as he undresses you, whispering in your ear what he loves about each part of your body. he’ll do everything - make you ride him, take you from behind - he wants you to see yourself from every angle, watch your body as it contorts and writhes for him. ‘look how good you take me,’ he’d groan, eyes fixated on you in the mirror. ‘you’re so fucking perfect, i don’t want to hear you say anything bad like that again.’

aegon isn’t the best to go to for reassurance. he’d probably say something really blunt like ‘you’re my wife, of course you’re gorgeous’ or ‘who’s bed am i in tonight? if you weren’t attractive i wouldn’t be here.’ after that he just kind of assumes it’s finished and that you’d drop the subject. when you don’t he’d probably get frustrated, it’s he’s feeling nice he’d get someone - his mother or your handmaiden - to fetch you a nice gift. he’s a bit clueless with it all honestly.

rhaenyra would want to boost your self esteem again and would go out of her way to make you feel looked after. she’d arrange to have new dresses made for you, ones she knows you love and complement your body perfectly. she’d sit and brush your hair, experimenting with styles until you find one that makes you feel confident. you’d try your dresses on in front of her, blushing when she points out how beautiful you really are.

daemon would try to reassure you in that brash way of his. he’d say things like ‘what stupid cunt has put that in your head?’ he does try his best and he’d even show up at court with you and point out things about the other lords and ladies that make them so far beneath the two of you. it’s rather childish but it’s very in his character and you appreciate the effort. he makes extra effort to praise you in bed, making sure to pay extra attention to the bits you don’t like.

jacerys would be so confused when you tell him of your insecurities, looking at you incredulously and shaking his head. ‘i don’t understand,’ he’d say wearily, ‘you’re beautiful.’ he’d go to his mother or baela and rhaena and ask for advice, keen on making you feel as comfortable and confident as he possibly can. he’d make a grand gesture first, bringing along some hand picked flowers to make you smile. he’d compliment you the whole time, asking you to dance and telling you how proud he is to have you by his side as his wife and that he doesn’t care about anyone else, just you.

harwin is the best, listening intently to your feelings and wiping your tears when you cry. he’d get down on his knees in front of you, murmuring how much he worships you. he’d kiss your whole body, leaving marks here and there because you’re his and he wants everyone to know, he’s so proud that you’re his. he tells you all of this, doesn’t stop reassuring you until you’re glowing again. when he finally sinks into you he’d whisper, ‘feel that? that’s what you do to me.’

#aemond targaryen x reader #aegon targaryen x reader #rhaenyra targaryen x reader #daemon targaryen x reader #jacerys velaryon x reader #house of the dragon #harwin strong x reader

[elliespassagerprincess]

𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫: 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

This story is not based off a song! It’s my own little idea :)

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: Jackson!ellie x fem reader

Remember requests are always open! Feel free to leave one!

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: mentions of death, suicide, overall depressing themes

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: What’s the point of living, if you aren’t by her side?

Ellie lay on her back with her eyes closed. The sun shining on her pale and freckled skin. She hummed at the feeling of the grass scraping against her arms. The soft sound of water gushing could be heard from below her, as the two of you lay on a hill, she couldn’t be happier. She was away from Jackson. Away from everything and everyone. And the love of her life lay next to her. Ellie smiled softly just thinking of you. This is what she has always wanted. To be with you, in a beautiful place far away from everything. She loved you more than anything. All Ellie wanted to do is keep you safe, and moving as far away from people and most living things was the best option in her eyes. The safest option. If the two of you were this far away from any infected and people you both would be safe.

Ellie’s thoughts of keeping you safe were interrupted by a soft whisper of her name. She turned her head to look at you, and you were already looking at her. Ellie gave you a soft smile, taking in your features. You’ve been together for years but fuck, you were beautiful. She wasn’t lying when she said you were the prettiest girl she had ever seen. Every time she looked at you, was like she’s seeing you for the first time all over again. She always wondered how she got lucky by getting someone like you. You were way out of her league.

You and Ellie lay there just looking at each other for a while, before you spoke up

“You know, you have to let go of me”

“I can’t”

“Ellie” you said, your tone sounding desperate and frustrated. You sat up and Ellie followed you by sitting up as well, you rubbed your hands across your face and you let out a sigh. Ellie gently put her hand on your shoulder.

“Please” you whispered, voice barley above whisper. “I can’t rest in peace” you continued your sentence

“You aren’t dead” Ellie said quickly

“I am”

“No you’re not” Ellie said loudly, tears running down her face as she got up and looked down at you

You looked up at her and gave her an apologetic smile “Ellie wake up”

“Baby please”

“Ellie wake up’

Ellie sat up in her bed covered in cold sweat and tears. It was dream. A fucking dream. Ellie laid back down with a huff, and turned to your side of the bed. She let out loud broken sobs as she reached out to grab your pillow and she held it to her chest sobbing.

3 months ago you and Ellie had got married. It was a beautiful ceremony, and you both were surrounded by your friends and family. It was everything Ellie dreamed of. Your wedding reminded her of all those wedding magazines she always saw when she was out on runs. She never imagined, that she would ever get married. Until she met you. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with you.

3 days after the wedding tragedy struck. Ellie hated it when you went on patrol, but they were short on people due to both Ellie and Jesse being sick. Ellie had a gut feeling that morning when she woke up. Something was wrong. But she pushed the feeling aside, not wanting to upset herself. Later that day Ellie went to the gates of Jackson to wait for you. She got into her best outfit and used some 22-year-old perfume. The high of being married has not run out yet and she planned to take you out that night. She still couldn’t believe it; you’ve been married for 3 whole days.

As Ellie made her way to the gate, paramedics were running to the gate, and her heart dropped at the sight. She saw people running to you. Your lifeless body laid there. Bruised. Bleeding. It was very obvious you were not breathing. And there was blood everywhere.

Tears fell from her eyes as she reached out to grab you, but Tommy held Ellie back as the paramedics were trying to resuscitate you.

Ellie screamed, she fought Tommy. She did everything to make him let go of her but she couldn’t, his grip was too strong.

Ellie watched as they tried. “Please baby” she begged over and over again. Broken sobs and sentences left her lips. Please just get up.  It felt like an eternity, but at some point they stood up. The paramedics gave Ellie an apologetic smile and apologized saying there was nothing they could do to save you. As soon as they said that Ellie’s world came crashing down.

As the months went by, Ellie lost herself. She doesn’t eat she doesn’t sleep. She can’t do anything but cry. She had no purpose. No one to look after. She felt worthless. Lonely. She felt lost without you. She was not going to move on. You were the only one for her. Ellie slowly walked to the bathroom, pained by all the memories this house has of you. Ellie didn’t want to live without you. There was no point.

Ellie spent that day with her family. And she was happy. Content. She made a choice. And she was happy with her decision. As she bid her goodbyes, the Millers watched her walk home.

“Don’t you think she was a little too happy?” Joel asked concerned about Ellie’s behavior.

“No, I don’t think so” Maria commented

 “Just be happy for her she’s healing” she added

Joel just nodded Maria’s words. There was definitely something wrong with Ellie.

Ellie laid on her side of the bed holding your pillow. She smiled at a picture of you, that was on the wall. Ellie’s eyes drifted from the photo, to an empty pill bottle.

“I’ll join you soon baby” she whispered.

“Not even death can separate us”

And those were the last words Ellie Williams ever said.

Her body was found two days later. As sad as it was, Joel knew how much she loved you. He knew she wouldn’t be able to live without you. All Joel hopes, is that if there is a god out there, that he put you two together. That you and Ellie spent eternity together. Because that’s all Ellie wanted. Ellie wanted to be with you forever. No matter who or what it takes, no matter who she had to hurt, she was going to be with you forever.

Authors note: Thank you so much for reading! Remember you are loved and to always spread kindness. If you have any requests or ideas feel free to let me know!

Yours truly,

Zia:)

#ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie smut #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie tlou x reader #ellie tlou2 x reader #ellie williams blurb #ellie williams #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams drabble #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams one shot #ellie williams oneshot #ellie williams promlt #ellie williams headcanons #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x reader smut #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams hcs #ellie williams x you #tlou ellie #tlou ellie williams #tlou hbo

[dino-fart]

The Bargain | Chapter 4: A History Lesson

Pairing: Namor x Female Reader

Genre: Action, Adventure, Romance

Summary: To say you had a complicated relationship history was an understatement. Your ex was well...Not of this world? Yet he seemed to always find his way to you. One day he shows up with his new girlfriend asking for your help. You promise to assist if he never shows his face again. What is it he needs you for? And what are you all going to find when deep diving into the Atlantic Ocean?

Summary | Preview | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 |  Chapter 12 (End) | Sequel

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” You groaned and rolled your eyes.

Atlas and Sypha now in their human form stood there awkwardly. “Hello...” Atlas gave you a nervous smile. Sypha didn’t make eye contact with you. 

“I am glad we are all here.” Namor walked over to the center of the cavern. He turned to Atlas and Sypha, “Now, bring forth the scepter!” Atlas swallowed the lump in his throat and stood there nervously. 

Silence filled the room and Atlas just shuffled his feet. Sypha covered her face and turned away. 

“Perhaps I was not clear...Bring forth the scepter!!” Namor shouted louder. You peeked over Namor to look at the couple and raised a brow at Atlas. 

Atlas cleared his throat, “I-I will need to go back to my kingdom and get it.” 

“I specifically told you to bring it with you when my people came!” Namor growled in anger. 

You searched Atlas’ face and shook your head. “Oh no...” You began to say, “You don’t have it do you?” 

Namor looked at you and then back at Atlas with a crazed look in his eyes. Atlas rubbed the back of his neck and nodded slowly. Namor took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

“I know where it was last, though, perhaps if we can all go together we can look for it? Strength in numbers, right?” Atlas suggested. 

“I would rather die than go anywhere with you two assholes!” You hissed. 

“Likewise!” Sypha glared at you. 

“And to think your royal ass would feel guilty about nearly drowning me.” You gritted your teeth. 

“The only guilt I feel is not grabbing you by the throat and suffocating you myself!” 

“Ladies, stop fighting! We are friends here!” Atlas moved to stand in front of Sypha. 

“Sure ‘friends’, friends who make out while your betrothed waits for your return! Or did you two do more than that, huh?” Sypha got in Atlas’ face. 

“My queen! That is in the past!” 

“Yet this surface-dwelling wench is here!” Sypha growled pointing to you. 

“Who the fuck are you calling a wench, you murderous hag!” You snapped. 

“ENOUGH!” Namor shouted and everyone went quiet. Namor looked to Atlas sternly, “Where was it last seen?” 

“I was on a trip near the coasts of Peru...It was our honeymoon trip...” Atlas mumbled. 

“Wow, you took your lovely wife to the same place we had our first date, not tacky at all.” You scoffed. Sypha glared at Atlas and Atlas gave her a nervous smile. 

“Then what? You just...Lost it?” Namor walked toward Atlas. He had enough of the merman’s stupidity. 

“Y-Yes...King...Namor.” Atlas looked up at the king. 

“Triton’s beard...” Sypha sighed in irritation. 

“I see...Researcher!” Namor turned around to face you. 

“Yes?” You asked. 

“You and I will take this trip to Peru and you will help me get my scepter back.” 

“Okay but I need to get home and grab my things.” 

“Whatever you need, my people can provide. There is no room for delays.” Namor walked over to you now. 

“With all due respect, your majesty, we’re going to need my things to find the scepter quickly.” You looked at him. You could tell he was frustrated by everything and you couldn’t blame him. 

He slowly nodded, “Very well...The three of us will go now.” 

“The three of us?” You said nervously. 

“The King of Atlantis will come to right his wrong. And the Queen will stay here, to make sure you cooperate.” Namor glared at Atlas. You let out an angry groan and shook your head. “If it will make your research smoother, I will ensure his silence.” Namor looked at you. You looked back at him and noticed how he was trying to comfort you. Was comfort even the right word? He was just making sure you were focused on this, right? 

“I would welcome that, thank you, your highness.” You nodded. 

You opened the door to your home and made your way to the library. Namor who was still adorned in his royal garb walked in behind you. Atlas, still in his human form, was almost naked save for his shorts. They followed you to the library and Namor let out an audible gasp. Your library was a circular room with a desk and a chair in the middle. There was a spiraling staircase that led to the second floor. The chandelier lighting in the middle perfectly displayed the beauty of the mahogany wood of the bookcases. 

“I see what you mean when you said books. Your home is a wealth of knowledge.” Namor walked over to the bookcase and gently ran his fingers on the spines of the books. 

You walked over to him and smiled, “Years of research.” 

“These are your books?” He said surprised. 

“Most of them. You have your murals, I have my books.” 

“Perhaps after...I may read some?” 

You blushed a little at how genuine his question was. “Sure, if you don’t end up killing me.” You joked. 

“I have no intention of harming you, researcher. So long we get to our goal, I have no qualms with you.” Namor then read your name on one of the books' spines’. 

“That’s good to know.” You watched him trace the letters of your name. 

He said your name out loud and repeated it a few times to get familiar. “Your name, what does it mean, what language does it hail from?” You answered his question and he smiled at you. “Your name is beautiful.” You felt your cheeks heat up and gazed into the powerful man’s eyes. 

“Ahem.” Atlas cleared his throat. You both turned to him with a scowl. “I do believe you said we need to be hasty, King Namor.” Atlas reminded. 

You rolled your eyes and walked over to the other side of the case where there was a bust. You stared into the eyes of the bust and it scanned your irises. The bookcase then parted to reveal another room inside. The three of you walked in. 

“These are where you keep your findings,” Namor observed seeing the various display cases with artifacts inside. 

“The ones that are too dangerous.” 

“How so?” 

“A story for another time, your majesty. I need to get my weapons and get into more...Suitable clothes. It’ll only be a moment. And Atlas...Don’t fucking touch anything.” You glared at the blonde. You disappeared into the right wing of the room. 

Atlas stood by the exit that led to your library and twiddled his thumbs. 

Namor began to explore the artifact room being careful not to touch anything. “King Atlas, you told me about what the researcher has done but tell me about you two. What is your history?” Namor asked the other sea king. 

Atlas looked down at his thumbs and let out a sad sigh. “We were once lovers...I was wounded on the shore and she saved my life...It was love at first sight...Until my duty called me back to the waters. I wanted to bring her with me, for her to be my queen or whatever the kingdom would allow. As long as she was with me...I wanted to bring her to my kingdom and meet my father...But he passed...Then my brother told me I could be human forever and stay with her and he would rule Atlantis. I said no, my father would be disgraced by me. He kidnapped her and Queen Sypha, who was my betrothed at the time. He made me choose and...I chose Sypha. I loved her too. The three of us managed to overpower my brother and stop him for good...Then that’s when everything went downhill...” Atlas finally looked up at Namor. 

Namor tilted his head at the blonde man and silently asked him to continue the story. 

“Sypha tried to drown me.” You finished Atlas’ sentence by approaching the two from behind. You had changed to a black and blue tank top with wet suit material, brown pants, black combat boots, and black leather gloves. Your hair was tied in a high ponytail. Your weapons you had on included: a gun holster around your right thigh, a sickle with a red handle hanging from your left hip, a satchel attached to your belt, and a bow and quiver filled with arrows. “Ready to go or do you want to continue the history lesson?” You raised a brow at Atlas. 

Atlas was quiet and Namor looked at you in awe. “Dressed like a true warrior.” 

“Save for the fancy jewelry.” You smirked at him. 

The three of you left your home and made it back to the shoreside you all came from. 

Namor turned and offered his hand to you, “To Peru.” 

“To Peru.” You nodded and put your hand in his. 

Author’s Note: I forget to mention that this fic doesn’t take place during any of the events of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever! Lmao sorry for mentioning this on chapter 4 XD

Dividers By: @firefly-graphics

Tagging: @clea-strange-is-the-way​, @bontensbabygirl, @deputy-videogamer, @anthonyedwinstark, @fangirlingbookworm1, @theyluvremi, @bbylime, @redcrayonsforwanda, @sidefanficaccounttohidemyshame, @missbeverlyhills, @bluskyy30, @sonadowloverf-blog, @spctorstrnge, @justanotherfanhere, @britty443, @lilithskywalker, @tzurue, @lego0city123, @livingdeadgirl7, @bl6o6dy, @didneyworld13, @bookfrog247, @thicc101q, @angel-bi666, @witchxlove, @omgsuperstarg, @andy-wandy, @queenotaku23, @maripositanoctruna, @ursecondbirthmom, @jupiterclipse, @pauline-s12, @spookymicrowave, @darkfairymoon, @gemini5991, @littleficreccs, @3am-at-a-party, @hotdoglamp, @supernaturallover2002, @natchayaphorn, @sixthgun98, @xwackk, @strvbelities, @internetmultifandomfangirl, @yawny0-0, @girlmythlegend, @lotsoffandomsandsoftpeeps, @ameliabs-world, @dvaine-mercy, @sadslasher13, @jylanlove12, @boxbraidboo, @secretpostts

#namor x reader #namor x you

[slow-burn-sally]

I think one of the most frustrating things about being neurodivergent, for me anyway, is the inconsistency. My whole life, I've vacillated back and forth between seeing myself as an intelligent, popular, well loved person, and then I'll lose my drivers' license, say something hurtful, forget to pay a bill, or send an email at work to seven other people that completely exposes me as the world's largest moron, and I think "I can't be intelligent. In fact, I must be very stupid." I mean, what else am I supposed to think? All my life, people who do things like this are considered less intelligent, so that's the only template I have.

The thing is, half of me is very clever, hilariously funny, charming, and organized. Have of me is also clumsy, forgetful, socially inept, moody, and the worst, most horrible troll that ever lurked, pustule-covered, under a darkened bridge.

These two people are always inside me, waiting to assert themselves. Just at the moment when I truly believe that I've hacked this AuDHD thing, when I'm really riding high on that wave of success. When I remember everything I'm supposed to, and remember to get gas, and pay the internet bill on time, the Other One pokes it's head up, and then I'm a fucking mess.

Yesterday, I got home from a great day at work, where I'd contributed, and worked well with my team, and correctly answered oh so many questions. Then opened my mail, found out I was being sued for a car accident I'd been involved in due to distracted driving from 2 years ago. I look at the paperwork for roughly 5 minutes, the adrenaline allowing me to actually read it (not possible if I wasn't losing my shit with fear), but it doesn't make any sense, because it's purposefully obtuse legal language. I walk into the kitchen, freaking out silently, intending to test my roommate's chili, (because, when you find out you're being sued, the next thing you should do is eat) and drop the spoon on the floor, causing the tomato sauce to splat across the tiles. I proceed have a total meltdown where I begin sobbing, and yelling at my roommate not to come near me, not to even look at me, while I hyperventilate and spray the floor with disinfectant. I go from Self Contained Adult to Panicky Child in .2 seconds.

I am such a badass, and so in control of everything, and then I'm an irrational mess who sometimes hits herself out of frustration, and who can't add numbers higher than 12 + 12. I have tons of friends, lots of mutuals. I enjoy hobbies. I love my job. I love my roommate. I am absolutely privileged and blessed to live the life I live, but fuck, man, I wish I could just have it stay on the easier path for longer. Why is it always so inconsistent?

#neurodivergent #actually audhd #autism #adhd #it's been a week

[jeonminhao]

Home • Minghao

Pairing : Xu Minghao x Fem! Reader

Genre : angst, fluff

Word Count : 1.1K

TW : mention of depression(?)

A.N. I'm trying to go back to writing again, this time with Seventeen :) since I am back into the Kpop world lmao. Pls lmk what you think! <3

"I cry, even without tears now. I cry again, just like breathing. Though I try to take a step away from the sorrow that has become my home, I cry on the doorsill. I cry, even without knowing it myself."

Tablo - 집 (Home) (Feat. Lee Sora)

Minghao stood in front of the glass door, his eyes fixed on the CLOSED sign. The flower bouquet he had been holding was wet from the rain, the petals falling pitifully on the gray pavement from how tight he was clutching the bouquet. He was late. Again. And he wasn’t sure if he’ll be forgiven. He quickly took out his phone once he found a canopy that could shield him from the rain, reading the string of texts you had sent him hours prior.

I am here! It’s pretty crowded. I found a place at the very back of the restaurant so we can talk. Saw Jeonghan and Wonwoo at the restaurant and he said you’re still at the studio? Hao, Where are you?  Is everything ok? It’s been 2 hours so i guess this means you’re not coming or forgot we’re supposed to meet up :) I’m gonna head back home. I think it’s going to rain soon. Don’t forget your umbrella. Text me soon.

He sighed. He didn’t mean to ignore your texts. His phone was set on his usual silent mode whenever he was working on his paintings. He swore he had remembered that you were supposed to meet at 8 PM in this new place Mingyu recommended the other day. He didn’t know when you two started to make this a thing, trying new places once a week and just hangout and talk about your lives. No. He did know. It was your idea and your twinkling eyes that always looked at him as if he was loved and deserving of one. And who could say no to that? To your gentle smile and warm hand that always finds its way wrapped in his. And he did enjoy it. How couldn’t he? He fell in love with you the first time Jeonghan introduced you to the group three years ago and had been ever since. But life seemed to have a way to fuck up everything he desired. 

He knew a bad day was inevitable and the darkness that wrapped around him like a blanket was not an unfamiliar feeling. Every day seemed like a chore. It was just exhausting. Even breathing exhausts him. But he thought it would be different this time. He thought having you by his side would lessen the pain. And maybe it did, to an extent. But he was drowning and he was just exhausted to even want to try. 

As if it wasn’t enough, his art project wasn’t progressing as well as he’d like and he kept scraping layers of paints and changing his canvases when they finally gave up on him. He had destroyed a half finished painting due to frustration and would’ve destroyed the rest of his paintings if you didn’t knock on his studio door.

And in the midst of his worries and struggle, he started to push everyone away. It was better to be alone. The coldness in his heart was more familiar than the warmth of your embrace and he was terrified. It was too foreign for him, the happiness, the warmth, and the feeling of belonging, of being home. 

“Hao?” Minghao startled, eyes quickly focused on the familiar figure standing under a black umbrella. 

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” was all he could say, mouth forming an ‘o’ shape. You were supposed to be mad at him for forgetting your ‘adventures’ for the nth times. You were supposed to throw tantrums and threaten to block him and end this friendship. But there you were, standing in front of him with the black satin dress he bought for you last month and the leather jacket that he realized was also a gift from him. You took tentative steps towards him, a smile blooming in your face once you finally stepped under the canopy.

“You texted me?”

Minghao looked down at his cold hand, the phone on his hand was still on with your chat window opened.

‘Sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m late again. Iloveyou. I’m s osoorry.’

He didn’t even remember when he typed those texts nor did he remember pressing the send button despite the typos.

He reread his text again and froze. “Y/N–,” 

“Did you mean that?” You asked, taking another step closer and Minghao could smell the familiar perfume on you and the scent of your favorite shampoo. “Did you mean it when you said you love me?” You asked again, this time in a whisper. 

It had been 3 years, 970 days to be exact (not that Minghao is counting) since he first fell in love with you. And not once, even in his drunken state, did he let himself text you and confess. Especially not in such a dumb way. He prided himself as someone who was always in control of his emotions, keeping everything hidden to make sure you wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But there he was, sober and doing the stupidest thing a Minghao could do. Not even drunk Soonyoung would do this, he fleetingly thought before he turned his attention back to you. 

“I brought you flowers. They’re ruined. Sorry. I know i shouldn’t be late and forgot but everything has been shit and–”

“I love you, Minghao.” Your words stopped his trainwreck of a thought. His eyes widened as he looked at you. “I thought you hated going with me and doing this… But Jeonghan said you kept telling him about our time and he said you really love it. And I noticed you’ve been kinda withdrawn ever since I saw you at the studio. You do know you are not alone right, Minghao?” You took his hand in you. It was cold but it was okay. Minghao was Minghao and he was anything but cold to you. “ It’s okay to have a difficult time, but don’t forget you have a lot of people who would do anything for you.”

“This seems more like an intervention than a confession.” He blurted out before both of you burst into giggles, the cold rain suddenly didn’t feel so cold anymore now that he had wrapped his arms around you, the bouquet long forgotten on the wet pavement. 

“It’s both.” Was all you said before pressing your lips against him. A gentle and wary kiss, as if you were terrified he’d hate it. He let go of one hand and cupped your cheek, pulling you into a deeper kiss, sighing in relief, his body relaxing under your touch and heated kiss. Murmurs of apologies and I love you’s keep spilling out of his lips as your hand clutch the front of his sweater as if he was your lifeline. 

Maybe the unfamiliar was okay. Maybe he could get used to this.

#minghao #xu minghao #myungho #seventeen #minghao x reader #minghao imagines #svt x reader #minghao fic #minghao scenario #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios

[octoshott]

So. Side Order, huh?

I've been chewing on my thoughts over this for a good few days now. Want to spit them out somewhere. Vague-ish spoilers ahead.

I want to preface this with saying that I love Splatoon, I've been playing it since 1, really dropped off near the end of 2. Nintendo made Octo Expansion for me, they released it on my birthday and I love it so fucking much.

Side Order is fun, but lacking criminally in content.

You can argue Roguelites are like this in general, its the core princible to replay them over and over again and as someone who enjoys Roguelites, I agree!

However, a key thing that good roguelites do is continously give you a reason to keep playing- whether that be addictive gameplay or, usually, good story and lacing that in with difficulty that becomes the players goal to lessen- It rewards the player for being curious, experimental and above all else persistant.

I am fully aware that difficulty, due to Splatoon's target audience, in something like a roguelite was never going to be an easy thing to balance let alone pull off but having the main plot resolve itself once you hit the top of the tower was, in my opinion, the first of its blunders.

I feel as if the Splatoon developers know how much the lore and worldbuilding of these games matter to players. Side Order was advertised in very similar veins to Octo Expansion. The trailers had mystery and intrigue with clear connections to the well recieved and loved Octo Expansion to the point of having the same protagonist among other simularities.

They were clearly teasing this to be a successor of SOME capacity to Octo Expansion. And even as I went into this expecting it to be nothing like OE in terms of it's personal weight, I wasn't expecting something so short.

Classically, in roguelites that focus on story, you would gain story beats the more you replay. And techincally you gain this with the keys gathered from each fully cleared palette. But usually your story rewards in roguelites come from clearing or attempting runs and rewards:

With Side Order's story being resolved the MOMENT you step onto floor 30 with no real context unless you've intentionally avoided the top or have genuinely been slowed by its difficult (which I assume is what the devs intended) makes it's climax feel fast paced and lackluster- undeserved, even.

And, yes, I am fully aware that when you climb the tower agani after the credits role, you begin gain more lore about whats going on. But with the actual, main threat neutralized in every possible way it feels as if this lore should've been offered to us much sooner and much more spread out for a better pay off.

It's story feels like its being told out of order and, in my personal opinion, the themes and actual telling methods of Side Order we're a largely missed opportunity to tell something a bit more indepth. Climbing a tower that gives you essentially nothing until you reach floor 30 (which in my experience takes about 35-40 minutes) only to recieve about two scentences of lore is incredibly tiring and feels dissastifying when the main plot is already over.

It's lack of variation in level design, tasks and chips doesn't help with the climb each time if you're looking for the lore or just to 100% either. And you can argue this is a roguelite problem, but Splatoon's scenario's for a tower climb are pitifully small and you will start to seem repeat almost immediatly on your second or third run.

I also feel like it relies far too heavily on the player knowing and caring about Octo Expansion. I'm not saying that I think it was a bad idea to have most of what's going on in Side Order happening because of Octo Expansion's events. Hell, I was happy when they were very blatently showing this early on.

But it does very little with its ties to Octo Expansion, making Side Order feel like its constantly struggling to be its own thing away from the original DLC.

I think I can almost see what they wanted to go for here, and its frustrating, it felt close to something at least telling a decent story.

Every single little beat I've gotten has helped me understand more and more what they were going for, but since the main conflict is already resolved I find it hard to be excited and more frustrated that I wasn't given these during my initial playthrough.

I feel as though the roguelite formula was an interesting idea that they polished the best of their ability and to make work both for casual and experience players- but I think thats where the problem comes in.

With Side Order being the same price as Octo Expansion and offering very little in terms of replayability and most especially for me, story, the whole thing ends up feeling like a muddled mess that would've worked better had the roguelite aspect perhaps been dropped in general for a general tower climb.

Missed opportunies feel like they decorate Side Order in a way that leaves me fairly disappointed.

I think, overall, Side Order is a fun time that can be enjoyed but the way it was implimented into the gameplay formula was largely a mistake, especially coupled with the marketing of this being something more indepth with its story when it's not, and I can absolutely understand why I'm seeing a lot of disappointment for it.

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatoon side order #side order #splatoon spoilers #side order spoilers #i just wanted to spit my thoughts out somewhere #i could've gone more into my grievances with the plot but i wanted to generalize this and its already too long #but i definitely feel mismarketed too #i say this as someone whos enjoying it despite its lack of content #i am DEFINITELY let down in terms of what they seemed to be implying in trailers #and if you enjoy side order thats fine all the more power to you #salutes #scrolls.txt

[shelbystales]

Best Aid - Part Four

Modern Tommy Shelby x Reader - Masterlist

Previous parts: 1 - 2 - 3

Summary: you are a young doctor in Birmingham. After a crazy incident, Thomas Shelby shows up at your hospital. You don’t know much about the man everyone seems to fear, but you definitely will.

Warning: swearing, cardiac arrest

A/N: I got carried away with medical stuff... sorry. Hope you guys like it? I am not a doctor, but i am a vet, so... i sort of know a few things but i don't know how accurate they are when we take it to human medicine. Comment and interact, tell me what you think! it means a looot thank you very much. Tell me if you ant me to tone down the medical stuff.

English is my second language so I apologize in advance for the grammar mistakes.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The next night you were ready to start your shift again. You spent your entire day on a call with your insurance, trying to get some support. After a few frustrating hours all they said was “we are working on it”. 

Working on it my ass. Theses people never want to be helpful.  

You threw your bag on your locker and sat down on the long bench in the locker room. 

“you ok?” Jeremy asked suspiciously

“yeah, just had a frustrating morning. spent almost four hours of my free time talking to my insurance, to get no fucking where” you answered taking your clothes off and putting your navy blue scrubs. 

“At least you got a fuck last night?” he asked animated while he did the same, but his scrubs were light gray, as all the other nurses. 

“i wish” you sighed

“what? what happened, i thought i did a pretty good job as a cupid” he smirked checking himself on the mirror 

“yea… don’t fucking throw me under the bus again. We are supposed to be a team” you scolded him

“we are. you needed a little push! What did you do to scare the man off?” 

“Nothing! Mom needed me” you answered and he nodded “we did share a kiss though…”

he dropped his mouth and made a squeaky noise you didn't know humans were capable of. 

“What! Why didn't you lead with that?!” he said excitedly, “tell me everything. Now.”

You were early. your shift was suppose to start in 30 minutes, so you had time to tell him what happened last night. he seemed more excited than you about it. 

“Was the kiss good?” he asked 

“so fucking god” you daydreamed

“Did you text him after you kicked him off your house?” 

“I didn't kick him off. I had to be with my mom!” you answered annoyed

“Potato, potato. Did you?”

“yes, told him i was home”

“Did he text you back?” he asked excited, waiting like a dog would for a bone

“no… Dead silence from him” you said and the glow on his eyes slowly faded away. 

“If he ghosts you I swear to god…” he stopped talking as he was thinking “i would do nothing. Sorry girl, I Wouldn’t cross him” 

“thanks. nice to know i have your support” you mocked standing up

“Oh, my support you have. always… but not a bodyguard though…” he followed you 

To be honest, you felt a little anxious about it all. A little paranoid even. After what he told you last night… was someone out to get you? And to be honest why wouldn’t he just text you back? That's not a nice thing to do. Has he never heard of emotional responsibility? maybe he is busy… too busy to text “good stay safe” ? bullshit that takes five seconds

You focused on your shift, but it was all slow for now. The hospital was still a bit hectic. after the bomb the hospital gas line was damaged and a wing had to be interdicted. Due to that, the ambulences were taking pacients to other hospitals.

Currently there are three patients in the emergency room. One broke his pulse after skating, the other two had stomach bugs. Mostly tonight is being based on small emergencies, people are coming in, getting fixed and going home. After doing your rounds and checking on everyone, you told Jeremy and Lauren you would go to the break room and study a bit. 

Walking inside you got distracted by your phone and decided to text your brother to see how your mom was doing. 

“hey, big bro. How is mom?” 

not a few minutes later he texted back

“She is ok. keeps forgetting why her hand has a curative”

“good. i have the weekend off, i can be with her” 

“I think she would like that” 

“I will see if the insurance gets me a car or money to get a new one. If things work out I will pick her up. If they don't, can you drop her off?” 

“sure sis. Are they going to cover anything?”

“I am not sure. i feel like they’re stalling” 

“Shit. they are sharks, they don’t care. Want any help?” you smiled, he always wants to take care of you. 

“No, thanks. i can sort it out”

“okay. see you saturday”

“see ya”

After the last text, you opened your instagram to kill time. Avoiding the book in front of you. The urge to look for Tommy was strong, and you got frustrated when you saw his account was private.

“Shit” you whispered.

Turning off your phone, you opened the book on medical trauma you had just bought. The thing they don’t tell you in med school is that after you graduate and you go through residency, you think the study is past behind… but you’re wrong. We constantly have to keep studying. To keep learning the best ways to save a life. 

Midway through the first chapter you heard commotion outside and a few seconds later you heard the feared code.

 “CODE BLUE” a nurse yelled over and over

You threw everything that was on your hand on the table, including your phone and ran. 

As you arrived, you saw an elder man laying on one of the beds in the emergency room. 

“His name is Patrick, he just came in after feeling a burning sensation on his chest. Arrived conscious but collapsed right after” Jeremy announced as soon as you arrived. Lauren, the older nurse, was assisting the resident on duty to intubate the man.  

Looking around you saw all the hands available and smiled. A good thing about calm shifts is that you have a lot of people ready to assist. There was a resident wearing the light blue scrubs of the residents, but you couldn't remember her name. Besides her, there were five other nurses, you didn’t remember most of their names either… but again, you were new and the people on shifts usually changed a lot. The only ones who were always with you were Jeremy and Lauren. You looked quickly on their scrubs, trying to read the names embroidered on their shirts as you spoke to them.

“Ok guys, let's start the first round of reanimation. Let’s hope we can bring Patrick back as fast as possible” you said calmly, partially climbing on the bed and starting chest massage. In stressing moments like this, it’s important to maintain yourself calm. You’re the doctor, the one that everyone will listen to, freak out and everyone does as well.

“All good Lauren?” you asked and she nodded confirming that the intubation was done and she was in charge of venting “good job, Rebecca” you praised the resident, learning her name five seconds ago. She gave you a confident smile. Residents are usually crushed everyday all day, a gentle word goes a long way some times.

“What is his weight?” You asked

“96 quilos” Jeremy said 

“push 9.6 ml of adrenaline” you said “keep three syringes ready. Time it”. Jeremy nodded as he administered the drug. The resuscitation dose was slightly higher than the normal dose. The good thing about always having the same team is that you usually know how each one worked and the synchrony was natural.

Usually we do reanimation rounds that last 3 minutes each. Assessing the response of the patient after every administration. 

“Adrenaline in. Timer starting” Jeremy informed

“Where's the defibrillation cart?!!” you yelled annoyed because no one had got it yet. A nurse ran to get it as you continued the chest compressions.  

You stopped with the compressions to quickly look at the monitor. He still had no rhythm, but his saturation was good, meaning he was getting enough oxygen. You saw a little atrial rhythm on the monitor, which meant he probably could get shocked, and that made you excited. But you could be wrong, you’re not a cardiologist.

“Who 's next?” you asked, feeling your arm cramping. The resident quickly walked to your side and took over the chest massage when you stopped.

You stretched your arms a little while you looked at Jeremy's phone. 2 minutes and 17 seconds had passed. Usually it takes a few minutes, but it could take hours . 

The nurse came back with the reanimation cart and you told the resident to stop while you put the defibrillation pads on the patient chest. The defibrillation machine at the hospital was one of the best on the market and it checked the rhythm by itself and informed if the patient could be shocked.

The machine soon started to talk with its robotic voice “assessing heart rythym” as we wait, no compressions can be done, so the machine has to work quickly. Unfortunately a few seconds later it said “non shockable rhythm. Proceed with chest compression”

People are misled by all those hospital tv shows and think you only have to get the defibrillator and yell ‘clear’ and done, the patient is saved... but that's usually not true. Sometimes it's not possible to use it, and it’s frustrating. The defibrillator is not magical, but it usually works well. To be able to use it you need a certain vibration from the heart, either a ventricular fibrillation or ventricular tachycardia. Basically the machine stops the heart from beating, as a sort of “rebooting” system, hoping to get the heart beating properly again, that's why you need to be certain about the vibration so that it can be successfully rebooted.

“Okay, it’s not shockable. Let's continue compressions and hope that changes. We continue with protocol, we finish five rounds and we try the machine again. Let’s start a new round” you ordered around and Jeremy nodded pushing adrenaline again. 

Next round you were up on compressions again. Checking the monitor before starting you saw a few signs that you could probably use other drugs to help.

“Lets also add a dose of atropine Jeremy”, atropine is great, but if used in cases that are asystolic rhythm it could kill.

After two more rounds you tried the defibrillation machine again and this time it said “shockable rhythm. Charging”. You continued the chest massage while it charged, feeling a bit more hopeful. “charging complete. step aside. shock in five seconds” and it began the countdown. 

We watched the shock and the response on the monitor. 

“No pulse” Rebecca said

You sighed “starting new round” and another nurse took over the chest massage

No one tells you how exhausting it is to go through all these procedures. Emotionally and physically. But you tried everything to bring this man back. They tell you not to, but you always imagine who’s is waiting for them at home, who would miss him if he’s gone.

You looked around and saw through the glass door that separated the ER from the front desk an elder woman crying as she hugged a man in a suit, both looking your way. Looking closer you realized it was Tommy. you frowned and gave your attention back to the man whose life you were trying to save.

You don't know who thought it would be a good idea to have a glass door there.

“Someone take the family outside, we don't need to take care of another heart attack” you said and a nurse ran outside. 

You looked over his file, trying to get some extra information that could be helpful. You found nothing.

You took the reanimation paper from Lauren, since she was on vent duty, she was also responsible for writing what was done on every round. 

5 rounds done, one shock and now more 4 rounds. “Next dose of epinephrine we substitute with vasopressin” You told Jeremy and he nodded. Sometimes we do that to improve de arterial pressure because that medicine causes de vases to compress and by consequence, the arterial pressure goes up.

After doing two more rounds you put the machine to work and readjusted the shock to a higher dose. The machine started counting down again and after the shock we finally had a pulse. Rebecca and the nurses cheered and you sighed relieved. 

“Let’s start post resuscitation care” you said and everyone started walking around and doing their part.

“Good job” Jeremy whispered on your shoulder.

Once his heartbeat was stable you walked outside and looked for the woman you saw earlier. She was sitting on a bench outside with the nurse that left earlier. She was giving her water and calming the lady down. Tommy was next to them, he was having a smoke.

when she saw you, you could see the desperation on her eyes 

“Oh please tell me my patrick is ok” she cried

You smiled “what’s your name?” 

“Catherine” she answered holding the tears

“Okay, Catherine, your husband is recovering. We were able to bring him back” you smiled as she soundly breathed in and out, clearly relieved

“Thank god!” She said relieved, hand on top of her chest

“We will keep him overnight to take proper care of him, ok?” you said after you crunched in front of her feeling your legs hurt as you did. You just needed to put them up and get a long nap. She nodded and you continued “we will do some tests, to check his heart, to try and understand why this happened. ok?” she nodded again. you were talking slowly and calmly, trying your best to give her comfort and not scare her more “tomorrow a cardiologist will talk to him and he will get the best care. Now he is still asleep, and he can take some time to recover. I know it’s hard but could you tell me what happened right before he felt ill?” she nodded and started talking, like every good grandma she told you every detail. What you hoped to be a 5 minutes story became a 20 minutes one. Nothing very useful came from it, all you learned was that it probably was due to a random heart attack, not stress related and not labored related.

After she was done you took her to her husband and surprisingly, he was awake but still a little confused. A normal state after resuscitation. You told her it would take him some time to be properly conscious and she nodded

“Thank you so much, dear” she hugged you “thank you for saving my Patrick’s life”

“You are very welcome. Would you want us to call anyone?” You asked, worried for her

“Already did, sweetie. My children will be here shortly” she informed you, then she sat on the chair next to him and took a crochet project from her bag and started to crochet. 

Adorable.

Walking outside, you decided to face the man who’s face you wanted to kiss and slap at the same time.

 “What are you doing here?” You asked Tommy going back outside

“Came to see you” he said with half a smile

“Oh really?” you raised your eyebrow “just like that? out of the blue”

“Want me to leave?” he asked frowning as he threw the cigarette he was smoking on the floor and stepped on it. 

“Do you really want to know the answer?” 

“Are you mad at me?” he asked, frowning harder

“I don't know, am I?” you asked

“Clearly. What did I do wrong?” he asked 

You breathed deeply and looked up at the starly sky.

“Nothing. It 's stupid. I am just tired… i’m sorry” you said breathing deeply

“eh, I saw you in there. You were impressive. Sexy…” he said, his hand reaching your forearm and his thumb lightly caressing it. 

“What are you doing here, Thomas ?” you asked again, this time allowing your voice tone to show your tiredness. 

“You’re not enough reason?” he asked one of his brows slightly raised and you denied 

“I don’t believe it” you admitted

“Alright. Since you’re my doctor, I think I should be honest. I had a lightly vertigo today. And, I also wanted to see you. So, I am getting two things done at the same time” he said with pride and you frowned

“What were you doing? I told you to rest” you asked

“Yeah, and I told you. I’ll rest when I'm dead…” he said, picking at the bridge of his nose as he broke contact with your skin. 

“If you keep up, it will be faster than you expect” you said

“Optimistic, good” he mocked

“Since it’s an easy night, why don’t you come in and let me take a look at what is going on inside that head of yours” you said and he smiled

“You wouldn’t like to know” he said and came a step closer to you and whispered in your ear “unless you're ok with public sex” 

You slapped his chest lightly pushing him and his smug smile away from you.

“You’re clearly deranged” you said and walked inside the hospital

“I am, please fix me doc” he said ironically, making you roll your eyes and chuckle

Before taking him to CT, to have a headscan you checked his reflexes and stitches, everything looked ok.

“What is he doing here?” Jeremy asked when you went to the computer in the small reception inside the trauma center to apply Tommy to the CT scan. 

“He had vertigo today” you answered

“Vertigo? You told him that he could have some dizziness, right? Signs of light concussion?” he asked

“Yes, i did” you answered

“Oh, I see. he came for you” Jeremy said surprised “but why are you going with it? Just send him home, you’ll find nothing on CT… unless… you want him here” he smiled mischievously.

“Fuck off, i’m not in a good mood” you said and he raised his arms as if he had a gun pointed at him

“You know what's a good thing to improve a bad mood?” he asked with a smile and you looked at him “sex” he mouthed it dramatically

“That’s it, you’re fired” you said and he laughed. 

“You wish” he smiled and walked away.

You walked back to Tommy and told him he was next and led him to the room where the machine was. 

“Lay down” you said as he sat on the bed that rolled into the big donut “you will hear a loud noise and -”

“I know the drill, i remember” he interrupted you 

“Ok, then lay down, please” 

“Are there any cameras here?” he asked and you frowned

“I don’t know and stop it. I am not having sex with you” you said

“Why not? I’ll take good care of you” he reached for you but you stepped back

“Is that all you want? Am I risking my fucking life by staying close to you just because you want to fuck me?” You asked bluntly

“No, your life is at risk because you saved mine. Sex won’t change anything” he said naturally, as if the words that left his lips were normal to him.

“Why didn’t you text me?” you blurted out

“Oh, so that's what this is all about?” he chuckled 

“Yeah, it’s stupid. I know, but at the same time it isn't! And can you blame me? You ask if I am up in the middle of the night. You come to my place, tell me my car was bombed on purpose and that people around you are dying, then i let my gard down because I am fucking terrified! We fucking kiss and god knows what we would have done if my brother hadn’t called me when he did. All i expected was a short message, something to show the you didn’t just want to fuck me. Would you have texted me if we did? Would you be here if we did? Will i fucking die?!” you let it all out 

As you talked you could see his expression change, from “we are just having fun” to “this is serious talk”.

he clicked his tongue and left his mouth half open as if he was thinking

“I will you do my best so that doesn’t happen” he said after swallowing harshly

“Will that be enough?” you asked and he shrugged

“How can I know? I hope so” he said 

“Great. Thanks… You seem like a very hopeful guy” you said mockingly

“Y/n, I didn’t think I needed to text anything” he admitted

Of course he didn’t. He’s a player and he doesn’t care. And that’s fine, you hardly know him but it’s a sign, he’s not showing interest. He could’ve asked how your mom was doing. How you were doing. But no. Not even a thumbs up emoji after you told him you were home.

You turned off the machine. “There's no need for this exam. You’re fine. Free to go. And do me a favor, Thomas… Stay away. I don’t need this crap”

He stayed motionless as you walked outside.

what a fucking great day, you thought

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[impunkster-syndrome]

I keep thinking of this.

I was venting about how frustrating it was to be able to find anywhere to eat over the November holiday (I'd prefer not to celebrate that or my birthday, really.) because of celiac. Almost every restaurant was entirely out of gluten free options, and when I did try to work with them it lead to them fucking up my food in one way or another. My birthday dinner took two hours to wait for food solely because we kept having to send plates back multiple times because of gluten and cross-contamination. It's humiliating, and I have blood sugar issues. I can go into hypoglycemic shock if I do not eat within a number of hours of the last time I ate. Sending plates back due to an autoimmune condition or allergy makes you look like a massive bitch to other people who don't know why, and I am not oblivious to that.

So, of course I am going to be frustrated that I literally had basically no options to eat at all due to my celiac, and what I did was going to probably gluten me. I do still hold the belief that if you do not have to eat gluten free at restaurants, please do not. This doesn't work like mobility aids- this is food. The resources are limited by the stock the establishment has, and gluten is in basically everything. People on staff either don't know or don't care typically, and people don't usually know everything to be wary of unless they have celiac or some other gluten condition themselves. I've gotten glutened with the syrup for a snow cone before! That's an example of gluten being in things people don't expect it to be.

I was told by someone who is assumed to not have celiac that my stance of "If you don't have to eat GF at restaurants please do not because of people like me who rely on it and may not have any options because of you" is not okay to have and that I should be mad at restaurants only for not stocking enough.

This is upsetting because it treats my autoimmune disorder that has gluten give my small intestine's ability to absorb nutients a haircut and impacts me for days as my body recovers like it's not impacted by limited resources. It is. Food runs out and it can take days to get new food in. It's frustrating to be told how I should feel about disability and the GF dieters who don't have a medical reason to be on the diet by someone who does not understand what living this way is like. So I just never respond because it is actually upsetting to be told this and how it ignores that the decisions of people who treat GF as a fad diet have actually very much impacted my life in a lot of negative ways.

If you come at this post with "But GF options were expanded" consider that celiac has been trivialized and people don't take it seriously because of how a bunch of people without a condition had to advocate for us due to us being ignored. It's trivialized due to the people that lie about having a medical condition because they think it'll get them taken more seriously while they may not have to check ingredient labels on anything they buy.

#cripplepunk #celiac