#i can just imagine how andrew felt when he finally got sober

[we-will-all-be-stories]

no but imma be honest with you guys i never thought i could relate to a character as much as i relate to andrew minyard

#ive been home from the hospital for a week now #so ive been off all the bad meds for a week #words cannot describe how amazing this feels #to spend years on highly sedating mind altering drugs #just to make you easier for other people around you #and to finally be taken off them #i can just imagine how andrew felt when he finally got sober #this is fucking amazing #andrew minyard #aftg #all for the game

[official-weasley]

Meant to Be (Charlie Weasley x OC)

What happens when Bill brings home a girl and Charlie is completely awestruck by her?

WARNINGS: curse words, mentions of alcohol, SMUT

A/N: This chapter contains a rather long sexy scene (probably the longest I have ever written and well..it’s…juicy. I had a day, okay. BYE 🙈)

Chapter 14

Charlie

3 months later…

“Charlie, you got a minute?” I stopped in front of the Admission Office.

“Of course, Ernie. Got something for me?” I grinned at him.

“A letter from your brother.” He handed me the envelope. “What got you all cheered up today?”

“What do you mean?” I kept looking at the letter.

After all these months it still felt amazing getting a couple of letters per week from Bill.

“I heard you whistling walking here. You only whistle when you’re in a really good mood.” He smirked.

“It’s the first Saturday in August, Ernie. You know what that means!” I couldn’t hide the smile that spread across my face.

I can’t believe Ernie noticed when I whistle.

The truth is, I don’t recall the last time I was this happy. The mating season was over. Bill and I were on speaking terms again. Just last month I was able to see all my siblings and my parents again.

We had a family reunion and Bill and I got Ron drunk by accident. We had two bottles on the table. One with wine and the other with apple juice and we forgot to check the bottle before pouring him a drink.

He, of course, didn’t say anything and after two glasses he was hammered. Bill and I couldn’t stop laughing at the way he spoke and he was so tipsy. He tried getting up and almost fell flat on his face and then found it so funny that he fell off the bench we were sitting on.

It wasn’t funny when mum found us and saw something was wrong. Bill tried to distract her but failed and she figured us out. She made us take Ron to bed and then we planned to hide in the attic with the ghoul but mum found us and she shouted in our faces for a solid hour. I felt as if I was 12 again.

When she stopped she made us go down and wait on our family members for the rest of the night. Before we did, we made an excuse that we need to use the toilet and we locked ourselves in the bathroom on the middle floor and started laughing so hard I thought I won’t be able to catch a breath. We might be 23 and 25, which is way too old to make mum so mad, but we didn’t care. We were having the time of our lives.

I can’t begin to describe how happy it made me that I could hang out with Bill again. With my siblings. To get a bone-crushing hug from Ginny and play chess with Ron. It’s indescribable. For the first time since I started working in Romania, I wanted to plan my days off to go and see them again and I was loving it.

I was finally myself again. Talking to my family. Supporting and being there for my siblings. Teasing Bill for being so in love and having the best job in the world. I even made myself a bookshelf and I am slowly filling it with books.

My routine in the Sanctuary is more or less the same. I wake up. Make myself a coffee and go watch the sunrise. I am no longer overthinking if Rhylee’s going to be there and if she is, we simply watch the sun showing itself from behind the mountains together.

I didn’t think I would be able to be friends with her after what happened at her place that night but we grew even closer. She was one of my best friends. That didn’t mean my feelings for her faded away. But they were easier to bear now that I didn’t feel guilty for being in love with her.

I have come to terms that I will never call her mine. It was painful, I am not going to lie about that but at least I can move on and not overthink her every move.

Bill and my friends in the Reserve all think that I should tell her how I feel but every time they try and persuade me I stop them. I made a mistake telling my mates what Bill told me about Nick. Ever since I did they are trying to do everything to bring me and Rhylee together. At first, I wanted to kill them but now I just find it amusing.

I am proud of myself for how much I’ve grown. I feel more mature and I see things differently. I see what matters and I push myself to do things that make me happy. I read more. I run. I train Aami and Bean, that’s the name Rhylee decided to give our albino Short-Snout. I hang out with my friends and advise my siblings. I really couldn’t ask for more.

The fact that I am still awestruck every time I see Rhylee or that my heart wants to escape my ribcage every time she laughs or looks at me, is just a minor inconvenience now. I can deal with that with everything else being so great. I wouldn’t change my current life for anything in the world if it means I make my family happy and I can hang out with my friends while having the best job.

At first, I wanted to fight my feelings. Push them down. Get rid of them somehow. But I quickly realized that I can’t change them and that it’s pointless to think they are simply going away. I have meaningless sex and even though it’s never as it was with Rhylee, it still counts as a fun night and it’s a good distraction.

I might get lucky and find myself a girl to settle down with one day. For now, I was happy with the things being as they were. It wasn’t perfect but it was much much better compared to the painful loop I was in before.

“I’ll be damned!” Ernie’s voice brought me back to reality. “I forgot about the party tonight!” He slammed his hand at his forehead. “Thanks, Charlie for reminding me! Can you imagine me forgetting about it?” He shook his head.

“Ernie, if it’s going to be anything like last year, just the music and us being all over the place would remind you soon enough.” I laughed.

Every year, in the first week of August we had a party. We invited everybody from the neighboring wizard villages and there was always someone that borrowed something Muggles call speakers. We decorate the central area of our village with lights and put tables and chairs around it so it looks like a dance floor. We hang the speakers from the trees and we help with the cooking throughout the day.

The party officially begins the second we are done with work and the music starts playing. It’s something we all look forward to all summer. Theo has been talking about it for two weeks now. He made an entire plan on getting us all so wasted that if he asked Gerta out again, we won’t remember how she slaps him in the face.

“You’re right, mate! I’ll see you there!” Ernie started putting papers together. “I have to clean up the office early if I want to make it to the party in time!”

“Want me to help you? I just finished working.” I offered.

“Oh, no! You go get all nice and ready, so you can dance with the ladies!” He laughed and I followed.

“Will do, Ernie. Will do.” I waved to him and started walking toward my home.

People were already running left and right, checking if everything is ready. I unlocked my front door and closed it with my foot while opening Bill’s letter.

Dear Charlie,

I know you’re going to be busy this weekend with your big party and everything, but I just had to write to you about this.

I bought a wedding ring for Fleur today. I am planning on asking her to marry me this weekend. I am taking her to the beach near Shell Cottage. Dad said that perhaps we could even buy it if we ask aunt Muriel nicely. I don’t want to get my hopes up but I can imagine myself living with Fleur there.

I am planning a romantic picnic and popping the question by the end of the night! I would love your opinion on the matter but I sent out this letter too late for your owl to reach me with your answer. Perhaps while you’re reading this, I’m already engaged!

Can you feel how nervous I am through my letter?

Anyways, I just needed to share that with you!

Wish me luck!

Oh, and have fun at the party! Please have the time of your life and don’t hold back in case anything ought to happen, if you know what I mean!

Love, Bill

Merlin’s beard, he is getting engaged! It was Saturday, so either he is already or he will be soon!

I jumped in the air in the middle of my living room that’s how happy I was for him. I hope they can convince aunt Muriel to sell them Shell Cottage. We used to go there as kids and it’s a wonderful place to start a family.

I blinked as I felt my eyes water. I wish I had the time to write him back and tell him how fucking proud I am of him for doing this and that I think Fleur will be thrilled for how he is planning to propose. I can’t wait for them to have babies so I can be an uncle!

What was I doing?

I put the letter down and scratched my head. I was so excited for my brother that I completely forgot.

Party! Right!

I hurried to take a shower and then opened my closet to see what I could wear. I didn’t wear jeans for ages. So let’s go with that and a buttoned shirt. I checked myself out in the small mirror in the bathroom and combed my hair with my fingers. As much as I could comb it. My hair was untamable.

I think I look pretty good! Not that it matters as I knew Theo is going to get us all drunk in about 15 minutes! I locked the door behind me and started walking toward the music.

“There he is!” Andrew raised his glass at me the second he spotted me.

“Look at you being all handsome!” Theo put a hand over my shoulder the second I sat down.

“Are you flirting with me, Theodore?” I winked at him. “My place or yours?”

“Damn, Charles. Is that how you flirt with women because if I wasn’t married I would go with you right now.” Peter laughed.

“I would love to, Weasley. But I am going home with Gerta tonight!” Theo was determined.

“Really?” Andrew and John asked together before bursting out laughing.

“We should get one of those Muggle devices that capture what is going on. So that even if none of us remembers tonight we could watch it in the morning.” Evan said.

“I will stay sober just to see Theo get slapped by Gerta!” Peter smirked.

“You’re already tipsy, boss.” Andrew obviously didn’t believe Peter will stay sober.

“Damn, you’re right.” Peter said after a few seconds of thinking about it.

We all started laughing.

Three hours later our table had 3 empty bottles of Fire Whiskey on it, more empty beer bottles than one could count and the waitress just brought another round. To say that we were completely hammered was an understatement.

We were laughing at something, tears running down my face. I am pretty confident none of us knew what the joke was or who told it.

“Theodore, there you are damn it!” Our faces got serious the second we comprehended who was standing in front of us.

“Gerta, love!” Theo stood up, knocking a few bottles off the table.

“I am just wasted enough to say yes to you. Now come with me before I change my mind!”

I have no idea how Theo fancied this woman. I was terrified of her. Even her harsh voice scared me.

We all watched Theo and Gerta going towards her hut with our mouths open.

“Please, tell me one of us will be able to remember that in the morning!” Peter whined.

“I don’t think I could forget this if I drank the entire alcohol stash in the Sanctuary.” Andrew said slowly.

He looked like he was about to throw up.

“What is happening?” Evan, who was sleeping, leaned on his crossed arms, lifted his head.

“Gerta just took Theo home.” I answered, still in shock.

“What?!” I thought his eyes were going to fall out of their sockets and I think it’s safe to say he just sobered up.

“Look, Charlie!” Peter and John leaned against me. “It’s Rhylee.” They sang together.

“So?” I rolled my eyes.

I knew this was coming. I was hoping they would be too drunk to remember to tease me about her, but apparently, they weren’t there yet.

“Come on! Go and dance with her!” John tried pushing me to stand up but he was too weak.

It was funny how I was the youngest but did the best with alcohol.

“Give me a break, mates.” I pretended to look through the bottles to see if there was one that wasn’t opened yet.

“C’mon! She has been eyeing you all night!” Peter said. “Have some fun, will you!”

I sighed and got up. I knew they wouldn’t stop until I would go and ask her to dance. And to be perfectly honest, I was too drunk to care or to feel nervous about it.

I made my way to her. Surprised that I wasn’t tipsy at all.

“Hi.” I waved at her awkwardly. “Want to dance?”

“Sure!” She grinned and stood up at once.

I haven’t noticed how drunk she was until we reached the dance floor and she started hugging me. We danced to a few songs and I didn’t even dare to look at the table where my friends were sitting. They would probably start cheering.

The next song was a slow one. Shit! Who’s idea was this?

Rhylee pulled me closer, our bodies slamming against each other and if I wasn’t so steady on my feet we would collapse to the ground. She wrapped her arms around my waist and brought her face closer to mine.

“You look very handsome tonight.” She winked at me.

Okay, I think it’s time to take her home. She is drunk and doesn’t know what she’s saying.

“Thanks. You look great too.” I didn’t know what else to say.

Of course, she looked great. She was gorgeous. But I’m not going to admit that to her.

I didn’t like the way she was looking at me. Not one bit. It’s the same look she was giving me all night the night we had sex at the Burrow and I am not going through that again. I might not be hurting anyone this time but she was in a relationship.

“Let’s get you home, shall we.” I smiled at her and hugged her over the shoulder.

“No! Why?” She tried to stop me. “We just started dancing. Come on, Charlie! Loosen up a bit!” She got so close to me that if I wouldn’t move my head backward we would kiss.

This was getting out of hand.

She wrapped her hands around me again. How was she so strong if she was as drunk as she appeared to be? I sighed and we danced through one more song.

“Okay, now you can take me home.” Her whispering in my ear sent shivers down my spine.

We were slowly making our way through the crowd, toward her cottage when I remembered that I never opened the present she got me for Christmas at the Burrow. I have no idea why it popped in my head but I was just drunk enough not to care and admit to her that I lost it.

“Hey, Rhy?” I cleared my throat.

“Yes?” Her eyes were too hopeful for my liking.

“Do you remember the present you gave me for Christmas when we met?” She simply hummed in response.

I felt my cheeks turn pink. This was embarrassing. After what happened between us and she gave me the little package, I simply tossed it in my bag. I don’t remember where I put it once I got back to Romania and I don’t even know why we are talking about it now but apparently drunk Charlie’s curiosity got the better of him and wants to know what’s inside.

“I never got the chance to open it and I misplaced it somehow. What was inside?” I said as quickly as I could.

I didn’t want to offend her for losing it.

“What?” She laughed.

“What was inside the little box?” I repeated the question.

“Where did you lose it?” She ignored me.

“It has to be somewhere in my cottage if I didn’t toss it in the trash by accident.” I scratched my chin, thinking hard where it could be.

“Well, let’s go then!” She grabbed my hand and started walking.

“Where are you taking me?” I chuckled.

“We are going to search your place for my present!” She bestowed me with the biggest grin I have ever seen.

She seemed so pleased with her idea.

“Now?” I chortled.

“Yes!” She exclaimed. “The gift might be silly but we got to see what I got you!”

“You don’t remember?” I raised my eyebrows at her and she stopped walking for a second.

“I am not sure.” She said slowly after a few seconds. “Come on, Charlie! It’ll be fun!”

I haven’t seen her this relaxed and happy in months. She grabbed my hand and started walking towards my cottage again. She was so excited to do this that I simply couldn’t deny her the satisfaction of finding the little box. And to be completely honest, I didn’t want to stop her.

“Okay, so if I was a little box, where would I be?” She put her hands on her hips, thinking hard, her eyes scanning every shelf and drawer. I started in the kitchen and she went to check the compartment in my bathroom.

After half an hour we completely trashed the place but I didn’t mind at all. I was having too much fun with her. She started throwing the clothes out of my closet, jumper after jumper and I started moving the socks away to see if I tossed it in the drawer.

I almost gave up when my fingers touched something that wasn’t fabric. I pulled out a small red box with a green bow on it. This was it!

“Rhy, I found it!” I heard her gasp.

I think she was standing inside my closet. I laughed when she poked her head out of it. She was adorable!

She hurried to me, stepping over piles of clothes, and stopped right in front of me.

“Open it.” She whispered, her eyes on the box in my hands.

I slowly removed the lid and shook the box’s contents onto my palm. I couldn’t believe it. It was a dragon scale. A dragon scale of an albino dragon.

That’s what she got me for Christmas?

I know it didn’t mean anything because she didn’t even know who she was bringing the gift to but I was still astounded. She knew I loved dragons so she got me a dragon scale. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

“You call this a silly gift?” I breathed.

Rhylee dragged her finger across it and put it back in the box. I was so in shock at what it was that I didn’t notice how fast she was breathing. She took the box from my hand and placed it on top of my dresser.

“Rhy, are you o…”

She cupped my face and kissed me hard on the mouth. I was so startled by her action that I didn’t have the time to respond.

“I’m sorry.” She pulled away, her hand over her mouth.

“Emm…it’s okay.” I didn’t know what to say.

I just kept staring at her with my eyes wide open, trying to calm my heart down.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” I could see the panic in her eyes growing.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to pretend I didn’t enjoy the kiss? Because that would be a bloody lie. I have been dreaming about kissing her again since we spent the night together at the Burrow.

Did she even know what she was doing? How drunk was she? Because that kiss definitely sobered me up! I thought we were over this. She stopped that night when I came to her place. Why did she do it now? I thought I was doing a good job being her friend. Why does she mess with me like this!

I needed every muscle in my body not to grab her hand and pull her back for another kiss. I can’t do this, can I? She has a boyfriend. Somebody will get hurt again! I can’t go through that guilt again. I can’t hurt someone else. Even if I don’t know the guy. Even if he is a prick like Bill said.

Bill…

What did Bill say in his letter this morning?

Please have the time of your life and don’t hold back in case anything ought to happen, if you know what I mean!

Don’t hold back. Bill, that’s not helping!

I was trapped. I wanted to grab her hand and prevent her from leaving but at the same time, I wanted to do the right thing. My heart was beating so fast that it hurt and the look in Rhylee’s eyes wasn’t helping me decide. It was a mix of panic and hope. Hope, that I would decide for her whether or not this was a bad idea.

Of course, it’s a bad idea, Rhylee! It’s the worst possible idea.

“I have to go.” She bowed her head and started towards the door of my bedroom.

It’s a bad idea.

It is a really bad idea.

I know, damn it!

But do I care?

I stepped toward her, almost tripping over the clothes on the floor.

Do I care?

I grabbed her hand and turned her around, our bodies colliding. Her eyes slowly moved up to lock with mine. We were both breathing heavily.

“Charlie.”

Damn it, Rhylee! You can’t say my name like that. Don’t ask for me to do something.

Okay, let’s go over this again.

Is it a bad idea? Yes.

Do I care? I am just drunk enough that it’s safe to say that no, I do not.

I placed my hands around her neck and kissed her. I thought she was going to resist me. I was waiting for her to pull away. But she didn’t. She was doing quite to opposite. She parted my lips with her tongue and it gently found mine. She was kissing me back.

Merlin’s beard, this was insane! I can’t believe I forgot how good her lips felt on mine. What an amazing kisser she was. How soft her lips were and with what passion she kissed me.

I put her hands on her hips and brought us closer to the bed. With a gentle nudge, she was lying on it, that playful look in her eyes again. I climbed on top of her and wrapped my fingers around her hair and gently pulled it back so she tilted her head and revealed her neck.

I placed a soft kiss just behind her right ear and I felt her tremble. I kissed her again, not so softly this time. I started biting her neck and I felt her moving under me.

This simply can’t be wrong. It felt too right to be wrong.

I pushed myself up and started to unbutton my shirt. I looked down at her. Damn, she was so sexy. She always was but the fact that she was wearing a dress when she always wears either jeans or sweatpants was frying my brain.

“Please, fuck me, Charlie!”

Seriously, she was begging me?

Why in Godric’s Hollow did I put a shirt with so many buttons on? I don’t have time to do this! I put my hands on my chest and pulled the shirt off me. The sound of fabric ripping filled my ears and my heart started pumping even faster when I saw Rhylee’s eyes shine.

I helped her get up and pressed her against the wall. She wants me to do her, I will do it my way!

I took my precious time unzipping her dress. I could feel her getting impatient but I knew she liked the tease. If she only knew what she got herself into.

She took her arms out of her sleeves and shook her body so the dress fell off her. I turned her around, her back to the wall now, and spread her legs. She was observing my every move, curious what I was going to do next.

“Lift your arms.” I demanded and without questioning me they were above her head.

I wrapped my left hand around her wrists and pulled her underwear down with my right one. I unhooked her bra without hesitation. She was now standing in front of me, completely naked. I stuck my tongue down her throat while circling her nipple. She moaned in my mouth.

Oh, Rhylee, you haven’t felt anything yet.

I slowly moved my fingers down across her belly button, still kissing her. It didn’t really surprise me that the second my fingers ran past her clit, they drowned in her wetness. She gasped in my mouth as I started moving them in circles.

I let go of her arms now and she put them around my neck, trying to keep it together. I have to say she was doing a rather poor job.

“What is it?” I teased her when I started moving my fingers around faster and her eyes rolled back.

“Fuck…you.” She said between her moans.

“I’m a little busy focusing on you right now, Rhy.” I whispered to her.

She tried squeezing her legs together but I didn’t let her. I felt her getting tighter and I was determined not to stop until she screams from pleasure.

“Are you going to cum already?” I laughed playfully.

“I…I can’t hold it.” She cried.

“Oh, don’t hold back.” I bit the tip of her ear as her breathing got even faster.

She buried her fingers in my hair and kissed me. She was pressing hard against my lips, clutching my fingers with her soaked walls, muffling her moans with the kiss. It was pure euphoria, feeling her tremble. It brought me pleasure on another level.

“Stop.” She finally pulled herself together to talk.

“Are you sure?” I mocked her.

The look in her eyes was saying otherwise.

“It’s your turn.” She winked at me.

“Oh, I am not done with you.” I pressed her harder against the wall and placed a gentle kiss on her collar bone.

She winced, her body still sensitive to my touch.

She was speechless and her eyes were full of the wonder of what my next move will be.

“You begged me to fuck you. Don’t you know you have to think before you speak?”

I bit her neck. And her shoulder. And made a few circles with my tongue around her nipple, while playing with the other one with my finger. I kissed the scar that painted her belly. And just below the belly button. I got to my knees and spread her legs again.

I slowly ran my finger across her clit and she shivered.

“Are you ready to cum for me again?” She bit her lip and nodded in reply.

My fingers slipped back into her. This time I decided to take it more slowly. Let’s see how she likes it if I move my fingers in and out. Does that do anything?

She arched her back, scratching the wall behind her. And what if I do this?

I spread her legs just a bit more, lowered my head, and kissed her wet lips.

“Oh.” She let out a sigh.

I ran my tongue over her clit and started turning it in gentle circles. As she started breathing faster I doubled the pressure and felt her knees give in.

“Keep it together, Rhy.” I teased, my fingers still hard at work.

She grabbed my hair and pushed me back to continue my work.

“Fuck, Charlie.”

I don’t know if she was so horny or was I doing such a good job as it didn’t take her long to cum again. Her body was spasming more than before and this time she didn’t have my lips to stifle her moans. I loved how loud she was. How her pleasureful sounds filled my ears. It was like a drug.

I got up and wrapped my arms around her. She was a mess.

“Have enough yet?” I winked at her.

“No.” She giggled.

“Good.” I nodded.

I put my hands on her hips and lifted her and she automatically wrapped her legs around me. I gave her just enough space between our bodies that she unzipped my jeans and pulled them off.

She grabbed my dick, looking me straight in the eyes, and bit her lips when she placed it right in front of her juicy entrance. I don’t know what she was expecting as a surprised gasp left her mouth when I thrust in her.

She wrapped her arms around me and held tight to keep herself steady, moaning while I was rocking my hips back and forth.

Fuck, she felt good. This was insane. I knew that with all the adrenaline running through my veins, the alcohol left my head a long time ago but I still felt dizzy. I can’t believe it was even better than the last time.

I fantasized about sleeping with her more times than I would like to admit. I just couldn’t help it. She was the best I ever had. I could be myself around her. Somehow I knew exactly what she wanted and I wanted to give it to her. Badly.

I have to start thinking about something else. She felt too good and she was getting tighter again. I want to wreck her completely. I want her to forget her name and I want her to scream mine again.

“Charlie.” She moaned in my ear.

“Have enough of me yet?”

“Charlie.” She said louder.

“Yeah.”

“I…”

“What is it, sweetheart?” I placed a soft kiss on her neck as I started to move my hips even faster.

“I…”

“Come on, you can do it.” I encouraged her to speak.

I was too amused by how weak she was.

“Oh, my…” Her eyelids fluttered and I felt her squeezing me even more.

“Cum for me again.” I breathed.

I could watch her moan and twist from pleasure all night every night.

“Charlie, I can’t.” She finally managed to complete a full sentence.

I stopped moving my hips and froze.

“Are you okay?” I lifted her chin and made her look at me.

“Why the fuck did you stop?” Her eyes widened.

“You said you can’t, I thought…” I blinked at her.

I was so confused.

“I…” She bit her lip and looked away.

“What is it?” I tilted my head to find her eyes again.

“I never came three times before.” She mumbled so fast that I thought I heard her wrong.

“Oh.” I pressed my lips together, to stop them from spreading into a smile. “Well, do you think you could cum again?” I asked gently.

“Yes. I was close.” That naughty smile is going to be the death of me.

“Then let’s break your record, shall we?” I smirked at her and lifted her so she wrapped her legs around me again.

I entered her slowly this time and she pushed my hips more towards her immediately when she saw what I was doing.

“Don’t get slow on me now, Weasley.” She bit my lip and sent a new wave of adrenaline through my veins.

I decided to tease her just for saying that. I slowly pulled my hips back, so that only my tip was inside of her and then pushed my hips forward again with such a force that it took her breath away.

I did it again.

And again and again and again until she started screaming from pleasure again. For a second I thought she was going to pass out as her eyes sealed shut and she gasped for air between her moans. But I was determined not to stop until her body relaxes or she tells me to stop. She was doing neither.

She barely had the strength to wrap her hand around my neck so I could lift her when she stopped moaning. I took her to my bed and covered her.

“What are you doing?” She asked, her voice rusty from all the sounds she was making.

“I’m going to take a shower. You need some rest.” I winked at her.

“We need to take care of you first.” Her eyes moved from mine, down to my dick which was still hard.

“You can do that later. Now rest.” I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

I walked out of the room, straight into the shower.

Just as the hot water started running down my body, I felt her press her body against mine from behind.

“Miss me already?” I turned around and smirked.

“I told you…” She kneeled. “We have to take care of you.”

She didn’t have a chance to say anything else as she grabbed my dick and put it in her mouth. Damn, she was good at sucking dick. It was unbelievable. I was the one with weak knees now. She was moving her mouth so fast as if she wanted to get revenge for before.

I wanted to watch her doing it. I wanted to see how she chokes on my dick but I couldn’t. It felt too good and I couldn’t stop my eyes from rolling back and closing them. I buried my fingers into her wet hair and helped her move.

I loved how she enjoyed doing it. The way she was moaning and looking up at me. I can’t take it anymore. I let out a loud groan as I came, the water washing my load off her face.

“Now, I can rest.” She smirked and I helped her get up.

I turned her around, wrapped my arms around her and placed a kiss on her shoulder.

#harry potter fanfiction #charlie weasley #charlie weasley fanfiction #the weasleys #weasley family #hp imagine #charlie weasley x oc #charlie weasley imagine #the burrow #harry potter imagine #weasley fanfiction #charlie weasley x mc #bill weasley #harry potter #wizarding world

[palmett-hoes]

per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)

oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts

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okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation

h o w e v e r  i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition

- - -

similarly, i’ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. he’s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesn’t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd

- - -

so now let’s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type. 

like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesn’t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. that’s... insane, honestly.

neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:

“Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood”

(phenomenal post) and that’s neil to a t. tell me this isn’t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive

neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he can’t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then there’s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away

what’s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrew’s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.

but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didn’t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically “i really need to move on, but not just yet.” for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and he’s like “i’ll cut and run in a month or two” then he doesn’t “i’ll be gone by halloween” wrong again “i’ll leave by the raven’s game” nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he can’t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didn’t make a plan, he didn’t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didn’t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HE’D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just like “ah shit, that was fast. oh well guess i’ll die” and that’s time blindness, babey!

---

let’s move on to nicky. 

now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because he’s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i don’t think that’s all of it. like if you really look at nicky’s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.

so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd

so, adhd:

very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries like “appropriate” times and topics of conversation

i would say you see hints of this with nicky. he’s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. he’s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but he’s an elite-level athlete. he’s also decidedly very chatty, and doesn’t seem to really pay attention to what he’s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. he’s a little all over the place. he’s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype

also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see he’s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. don’t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail

so now, asd:

in all honesty, most of nicky’s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when he’s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and he’s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesn’t understand them. 

the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. he’s touchy in a way they don’t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like they’re joking when they’re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that he’s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? it’s clear that they don’t really understand him and he doesn’t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; they’re each receiving different signals than they believe they’re sending out

only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. he’s interested in their lives and stories, but it’s very clear that he can’t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.

actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions. ‘how do you want me to react to this potential situation?’ ‘what are specific things that make you most comfortable?’ ‘please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?’ and i’m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers

and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. it’s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people he’s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and i’m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i can’t imagine it’s something he grew up doing. there’s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why he’s a lil imperfect about it

---

now last but not least, aaron

this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit

much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think he’s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type

in all honesty, aaron’s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that he’s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. he’s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to what’s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if he’s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesn’t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, he’s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so it’s not totally apathy, he’s just,,, tuned out most of the time

and, yea, that sounds like adhd. it’s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesn’t fit with how adhd “should” look or how someone “should” act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd

addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid who’s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they don’t actually know what they’re doing, and then they’re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we don’t know too many details about aaron’s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldn’t this fit? it’s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at eden’s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)

(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)

#Anonymous #txt #andrew minyard #kevin day #neil josten #nicky hemmick #aaron minyard #my posts #im talkin #cw addiction #cw addiction mentioned

[storiesforallfandoms]

wear my hoodie ~ andrew siwicki

word count: 1066

request?: yes!

harryskittenxox “Omg please can I request an imagine with Andrew siwicki?! One about how you’re on Shane’s sofa watching the final draft of an episode all cuddled up and after you all decide to have some drinks ans get drunk and Garrett gives you his hoodie or something ans Andrew is like ??? You should be wearing mine and all fluffy🥺🥺 thanks so much!”

(i made it that it’s just garrett, andrew and the reader cause uhhhhhhh i’m kinda not here for shane right now)

description: in which he gives his favorite hoodie to his favorite girl

pairing: andrew siwicki x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist

Garrett’s tipsy giggle rang through the apartment again as I got myself a second drink. Garrett was leaning into Andrew, watching him try to edit their latest video.

“You sure you don’t want a beer honey?” I asked Andrew.

“I’m good, babe. I wanna finish editing before I start drinking.”

“It’ll be funnier if you edit while drunk,” Garrett insisted as he finished yet another drink in one gulp.

Andrew and I shared a look as I took Garrett’s glass from him. “No more for you for a while mister. Drink some water first.”

Garrett groaned and shot me a dirty look before getting up to get a glass of water. Over my shoulder I called after him, “And if you come back with another drink I’ll pour it over your lap!”

Andrew chuckled as I sat next to him and cuddled into his side. He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me to him.

As strange as it was to admit, spending a night in with Andrew, Garrett, and a couple of drinks while editing some videos was my ideal night. Especially when it involved cuddles, which it normally did.

Garrett returned with a glass of water and another drink. Before Andrew and I could comment on it, he said, “It’s for Andrew! He’s so behind, by the time he catches up we’ll both be tipsy!”

Andrew laughed and leaned forward to pick up the drink. He cringed as he took a sip. “Fuck Garrett, that’s strong!”

“I told you, you gotta catch up!”

I couldn’t help but laugh as Andrew managed to choke down another mouthful of Garrett’s strong drink.

We kept a steady flow of drinks coming as Andrew finished editing Garrett’s video and scheduled it to upload the next day. With that finished, he grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. I giggled as he buried his head in the crook of my neck, tickling me with his scruff.

“You guys are gross,” Garrett teased.

“You’re only saying that cause you’re single,” I told him. “When you start dating someone you’ll be all gross and romantic with them, too.”

“Don’t give me false hope, (Y/N).”

I playfully shook my head as I laid back into Andrew’s arms. He gave me a slight squeeze and kissed my cheek, earning the two of us another sound of protest from Garrett. To this, I picked up one of his pillows and threw it at him. Garrett gasped as the pillow hit his drink, spilling some of it onto himself. This resulted in a brief fight between the two of us, causing Andrew to laugh and get out of the way as I hurled another pillow at Garrett.

I felt the alcohol starting to hit me as I settled back into Andrew’s arms. Everything was spinning, but not in a bad way, and I was starting to feel all fuzzy inside. I smiled up at Andrew, who smiled back and kissed my forehead.

I felt a chill run through me and shivered. I wasn’t sure when it got cold in the apartment, but suddenly I was feeling it.

“You cold?” Andrew asked, giving me another squeeze.

I nodded. “It just got cold. Maybe it’s the alcohol, I don’t know.”

“Want a sweater?” Garrett asked. “I have so many, you can borrow one.”

As I started agreeing, Andrew moved away from me and started pulling his hoodie off. “That’s okay, she can have mine.”

“Are you sure? You might get cold.”

But he already had his hoodie off and was passing it to me. “Yeah, it’s fine. I don’t get cold that easily, I just like wearing the hoodie.”

I accepted it from him and pulled it on over my head. As it passed over my face, I held it close and took in Andrew’s familiar scent. It filled my nose and surrounded me fully. It made me feel extra warm and fuzzy inside.

Some more time and drinks passed and I felt my eyes growing heavy. I leaned into Andrew and felt myself starting to fall asleep. I was so close to sleep when Garrett noticed first.

“(Y/N) has succumb to the alcohol,” he commented, causing me to sleepily open my eyes a little to look at him.

Andrew moved to look at me. “You tired, baby?”

“So tired,” I responded, my words slurred and sleepy.

I felt Andrew shake against me as he chuckled. “Can you grab us a pillow and a blanket? I’ll turn in for the night, too.”

“What?! It’s only 2am,” Garrett said.

“Only,” I mimicked him. “Some of us sleep at a normal time, Garrett.”

He playfully rolled his eyes and got up to get a pillow and a blanket. He took a glass of water to his room and said goodnight to us, making a joke about not hooking up on his couch.

Garrett’s couch was definitely only for one person. It was very small, which made sense because the only people that really ever stayed over to Garrett’s was me and Andrew. But Andrew and I were both very stubborn people. Andrew kept trying to convince me to take the couch while he slept on the floor, and I kept doing the opposite. Eventually, we both gave up and decided to squeeze together on the couch. Neither one of us really complained about the tight space, though, as it gave us a reason to be closer when sleeping together.

I settled myself in Andrew’s arms, still wearing his comfy hoodie.

“You can take that off if you want, we have a blanket now,” he told me.

“I like the hoodie,” I responded, rolling over to bury my head into his chest. “You didn’t have to give it to me though. I’m sure Garrett could’ve parted with one sweater for a night, and you wouldn’t have to give up yours.”

“I like when you wear my hoodies. You look adorable when you wear them, and it just reminds me that I have the best girlfriend in the whole wide world, and you’re mine.”

I smiled, although I knew he couldn’t see it. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m actually only a little tipsy. I would say this if I was completely sober, too. You know I love you so much, (Y/N).”

I moved my head to smile at him. “I love you, too. Now, go to sleep. I’m tired.”

#andrew siwicki #andrew siwicki imagine #andrew siwicki x reader #imagine #one shot #request #garrett watts #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

[superbadassnatural]

A Lot to Make up For

Summary: Dean threw a fit when he saw something he didn’t like. To say you were angry with him was an understatement. The least thing he could do was make-up for his behavior. Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: 4,647 Warnings: smut, oral sex (fem receiving), p in v, little bit of spanking, jealous!Dean, mentions of fwb relationship, a bit of crack? A/N: this was written for “SPN Bi-Weekly Challenge” hosted by the amazing @supernatural-jackles. There are three prompts in this one and they are all bolded. I’m trying to understand why tumblr flagged this post when I uploaded the gif I made, which is similar to this one, but not flagged it when I used someone else’s. Either way, at least one of them worked. Please, enjoy it!

(x)

When you decided to come to the bar, you didn’t expect it to be this crowded. Loud conversations competed with the sound of the electronic music. Somehow you managed to find an empty barstool and ran for it. You ordered a beer, sipping at it, unsure of what you were really doing here.

You needed a night out. It had been a while since you last went out by yourself. You usually hung out with the boys, but this time you didn’t want to. It’s not like you didn’t want to be around them, you just wanted to enjoy some quality time alone.

A man sat beside you. He seemed to be around your age and he was definitely a sight for sore eyes. The man turned to you, introduced himself, and started a small talk that turned into an interesting — and mostly funny — conversation.

Andrew was good to be around. He was a stranger, but he somehow knew how to make you laugh. He even bought you a couple of beers and fries.

Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get out of the bar and have your way with him between the sheets. Or maybe it was the way he was flirting with you that was making those thoughts run through your mind. You didn’t even notice he was that close to you. Your knees brushed each other under the wooden counter. His knuckles ran down your forearm. Every now and then his brown eyes would descend to your lips as you spoke. He wanted it as much as you did.

“You know, I was thinking...” he scooted closer, eyes leaving yours to dart to your painted lips. “Maybe we should-“

“Oh, there you are,” a familiar voice interrupted him.

Dean. He stepped towards you, a smile playing on his lips. Both you and Andrew frowned.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you, sweetheart,” his hand made its way to your waist as he planted a kiss to the side of your head.

“Dean, what’re you doing here?” You asked, trying to pull away from his hold.

“I was worried sick, baby,” he said. “Don’t ever do that again.”

“I’m sorry,” Andrew stepped in just as confused as you. “Who are you?”

“I’m Dean, her boyfriend,” he beamed, holding out his hand, but Andrew didn’t take it. “Listen, thanks, man, for taking care of her. I’m glad you were keeping her company. Who knows what would happen if you weren’t here. Maybe some bastard would’ve tried to take advantage of her.”

“Her boyfriend?” The man was trying to wrap his mind around what Dean was saying.

“No!” You jumped it.

“Yeah,” he said at the same time as you did. “I don’t know why she’s saying I’m not.”

“Sorry, man,” he looked at you as if you were some lying bitch. “She told me she was single.”

“I am single! He’s my friend.”

“Well, I don’t know if she’s told you, but she suffers from short-term memory loss,” Dean pursed his lips.

What the hell is he talking about, you thought to yourself.

“You know, like Dory from Finding Nemo,” he added. “She probably forgot we were dating. She’s probably going to forget about you too so I suggest you go away. If she forgets you and sees you, she won’t understand a thing. It’ll only make her poor mind even more confused.”

“It must be hard to deal with that,” Andrew sighed, buying Dean’s crap. “Well, I’ll leave you guys be. Sorry about that, man.”

Andrew headed out of the bar. You were too dumbfounded by the whole situation to go after him and explain that your best friend was delusional. He probably wouldn’t believe it anyway. Dean burst into laughter.

“Are you out of your mind?” You nearly roared at him, slapping his hands off of you.

“Oh, you gotta admit that was funny,” he gushed between laughter.

“No, Dean, it wasn’t,” you glared at him. “It was ridiculous and extremely disrespectful. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home.”

You stormed out of the bar with Dean hot on your tail. Your blood was boiling. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just let you get some tonight? You stopped in front of your car and turned to him.

“Get lost, Winchester. I don’t want you near me tonight.”

“C’mon, sweetheart. I’m your best friend. I’m your favorite person in this whole world,” he bargained.

“Best friend?” You chuckled humorlessly. “Since when best friends do stuff like that? Seriously, Dean, that was low even for you. I don’t wanna see you tonight or tomorrow or for the rest of the week! Not even if you’re covered in gold.”

“Not even if I’m naked and covered in gold with your favorite chocolate?”

“No. Actually, the thought of you naked just made me throw up in my mouth a little.”

“Well, that wasn’t what you said a few days ago,” he had the cockiest grin playing on his lips. Maybe he thought he could charm his way and you would forgive him.

“Fuck you,” you sneered. “If you do so much as follow me, I’m gonna murder you!”

Hopping in your car, you turned the engine and headed home. Your hands gripped tight the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. You couldn’t for the life of you understand what had gotten into him. He’d never acted like that. He didn’t have the right to.

In about ten minutes you arrived at the condominium you live in. Parking in your spot, you let out a frustrated sigh before climbing off the car. You were glad he didn’t follow you. At least he had a little respect for you.

As you stepped foot into your apartment you rushed to the bathroom. A shower would do wonders for your tense muscles. Maybe it would even wash your anger away. You turned on the water and checked the temperature before hopping in. You relaxed immediately as the warm water hit your skin.

Although you felt more relaxed after showering, your mind was still on a thousand miles per hour. Dean had never behaved the way he did tonight. Throughout your eleven years of friendship, he had never disrespected you or crossed any boundaries. But tonight he did. Maybe he was angry because you decided to hit a bar and didn’t invite him. It doesn’t justify his behavior.

You’d be lying if you said you were just friends. Over a year ago, after many drinks you and Dean had sex. It was nice, but you barely remembered anything the following morning. So you did it sober. It might have been a dumb idea, but boy it felt good. Dean suggested you should keep doing that and you agreed. No strings attached. No exclusivity. Just two friends blowing off some steam every now and then.

What you have with Dean doesn’t give him the right to act the way he did. He’s not your boyfriend. Both of you agreed that it was okay to see other people and even have sex with them — always with protection. Aside from Dean, you only had sex with one person since you started to fool around. Now, when you finally got the chance to hang out with some guy, he decided to show up and throw a fit? Who does he think he is?

“Ah, screw him,” you mumbled.

Shifting into your ideal sleeping position, your body relaxed on the mattress. Thank God for memory foam. It didn’t take long for tiredness to take over and for you to drift off to sleep.

The unceasing sound of the doorbell ringing startled you. You stood to your feet abruptly, but soon regretted when you felt dizzy. Putting on your robe, you headed to the front door not even bothering to look through the peephole. It seemed to be some kind of emergency. No one would be ringing the doorbell this late if it wasn’t urgent. Unlocking the door, you opened it.

“Hey. How can I-“ you stopped once you met his green eyes. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Y/N, I’m sorry-“

“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” you hissed, trying to push the door close but his feet stopped you.

“I need to talk to you.”

“I don’t care. It’s fucking three in the morning. I have to get up early to go to work,” your hand gripped tight to the knob, ready to close the door in his face if he tried to come in. “I’m sorry, but not everyone works for their dad and can show up late everyday.”

“We both know tomorrow is your day off,” he said. “Please let me in. I need to talk to you. Then you can kick me out and go back to your beauty sleep.”

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, stepping aside for him to come in. “But only because I’m mad at you and I’m in the mood for a fight.”

“Can we fight so we can have angry make-up sex later?” A smirk appeared on his plump lips.

“Sex with you?” You snickered. “Never again.”

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he pleaded. “It’s been two weeks since we had some fun.”

“Did you come here so you could get laid? Did ou wake me up just so you could have sex with me? Really, Dean?”

“No, of course not. If I wanted to have sex with you, I would have texted you first,” he said. “I came here to apologize.”

“Oh, so you know you screwed up. Good.”

“Would you let me finish?” You rolled your eyes crossing your arms over your chest. “I came here to surprise you. I thought we could have a sleepover since you don’t have to go to work tomorrow. I even brought my Die Hard collection so we could watch it tonight. I bought two slices of pie on the way. Cherry for me and apple for you. Imagine my surprise when I open the door and there’s not a single light on.”

“So what? Are you telling me that it’s my fault now? I should have stayed home waiting for you?” You pointed your finger at him. “Is that the reason why you did what you did at the bar?”

“I looked for you everywhere. Then Jess told me you went out for a drink at Hardy’s. So I went after you. When I saw that guy with his hands all over you, I flipped. I knew I couldn’t punch him and start a fight so I did that.”

“You know you’re not my boyfriend, right? Or my father for that matter?” You stepped closer to him. “So why did you have to ruin things for me tonight? I’ve never done anything like that to you. Never! Why did you have to be such an idiot?”

“I was jealous, okay?” He growled.

“It still doesn’t give you the right to do that, Dean,” you yelled at him. “You know, Dean, every time you, Sam, and I go to a bar, you leave us on the table to hit on the bartender. I wouldn’t have a problem with that if your brother was single. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jess, but if Sam was single then he’d hit on someone and I’d be free to do that too. Or even better, I could make out with him!” You exclaimed, knowing it would piss him off. “Oh, Jess told me some things that you probably don’t wanna know, but they were really interesting. In case you don’t know, girls talk about sex too. From what she’s told me, I bet he’s better than you. I mean, he’s definitely bigger so-“

“Shut up!” He yelled. You could see his jaw tightening as the veins in his neck throbbed.

“You know what’s even worse? When Jess comes with us, I’m third-wheeling most of the time. For some reason, they won’t let me get two feet away from them.”

“I hit on the bartenders to make you jealous. It’s all fake,” he nearly barked. “I thought that maybe if I did that I’d get a reaction from you because I’m too much of a coward to do the right thing.”

“You do remember our agreement, right? Just sex. No feelings. We are non-exclusive. We can see other people and even have sex. We made a bunch of rules back in that day. One of them was no cockblocking,” your blood was boiling in your veins. You could feel your anger grow with every word you said.

“I’m sorry, okay? But I couldn’t just stand there and watch that son of a bitch getting all handsy.”

“While you were having fun with bartenders and girls you met every time we went out, I was alone. Since we started this, I’ve only had sex with one person and it was-“

“Terrible. I know you said the guy was awful.”

“It’s not that I think I should be having sex with half of the men in town, but if you can have sex with everyone you want then why can’t I? Every time I try to hang out with someone, I get sabotaged.”

“Ever since we started this, I’ve only had sex with you. I tried to be with someone else but it didn’t work because she wasn’t you.”

“Oh my God, it was you!” Reality downed to you as you ignored him. The sound of your raged heart much louder than his voice. “You sabotaged me every time! The broken lock, flat tires, and all that crap that happened every time I got close to a guy. They were all you.”

“Yeah, it was me,” Dean barked. “You deserve better than those guys.”

“Who gave you the right to do that, you idiot? Why did you have to do that?”

“Because I love you dammit!” His voice was much louder, causing you to flinch.

“Well, maybe that’s the problem!” You yelled back at him.

You spun around completely done with him, your head was pounding in your skull. The last thing you saw before storming out of the apartment was his jaw wiring shut as his eyes filled with rage.

The door slammed with a loud thud, startling Dean. He was pulled out of his angry trance when he noticed he was standing alone in the middle of your apartment. He knew he had screwed up big time. He’d not planned on confessing his feelings to you tonight. Especially not like this.

You stood dumbstruck in the hall just outside your door. Everything happened so fast. One minute you were peacefully asleep, the other you and Dean were almost jumping at each other’s throats. He shouldn’t have said he loves you. And you shouldn’t have stormed out the way you did.

“God, what have I done?” you sighed.

The sound of the door opening and closing echoed through the corridor. You didn’t want to turn around. You couldn’t face him.

“You realize you just stormed out of your apartment, right?” He let out a small chuckle to try to light up the mood.

“You see what you do to me?” You turned around to face him. His green eyes held anything but anger. “You make me so mad that I do stupid things like storming out of my own home when I should’ve kicked you out.”

“Hey, you don’t need me to do stupid things. You can do that on your own,” he held his hands up, a cheeky grin playing on his lips. “Now let’s get inside, shall we?”

You only nodded, following him back inside.

“So what do we do now, huh?” He asked, shutting the door.

“You don’t love me. I mean- you do, but as your best friend.”

“No, Y/N, I love you as more than my best friend.”

“Stop,” you argued. “You can’t, okay? Or you’re gonna ruin everything.”

“Ruin what? We both know this is not a friends with benefits shit. It never was.”

“Dean-“

“This is not one-sided and you know it, Y/N,” he said, voice deeper than usual. “What we did… what we do is not just sex. Or do I have to tell you how many times we actually made love?”

“Why are you doing this?” Your voice wavered.

“Because I love you, Y/N.”

“Then don’t. You’re screwing things up.”

“Why can’t you just admit it? Why is it so hard for you to finally say it?”

“I can’t risk losing you,” you said low enough that he almost didn’t hear you. Almost. “The moment we take that step there’s no going back and I can’t risk losing you. I can’t.”

“You’re not gonna lose me,” he placed his hands on both sides of your hips, his body incredibly close to yours.

“You can’t promise me that.”

“You’re right. I can’t, but I’ll do anything to be with you.”

Fingers curling in the collar of his flannel, you pulled him to you, capturing his lips with yours. Your heart skipped a beat as he returned the kiss. It was slow at first, almost uncertain. The soft press of his lips made you melt into his touch. Your tongue caressed his plump lips in a plea for him to allow you to delve into his mouth. A muffled moan escaped his lips as his hands came up to cup your face, thumb circling your cheek.

You pulled away in need of air. Your eyes were still closed as you rested your forehead against his.

“I don’t know about you but I’m still down for some angry make-up sex,” he said between panted breaths.

“Dean-“

“Stop denying what you want, Y/N.”

Swallowing thick, you opened your eyes only to meet his green orbs hooded with lust. With arms around his neck, you wrapped your legs around his waist, lips colliding with his. Warm hands held you by the back of your thighs as he walked towards your bedroom. He pushed you against the wall, placing you back on the floor. His lips graced the skin of your neck with sweet yet hungry kisses. Your body was pressed flush to him. You could feel his heart beating fast against your chest and his growing bulge against your pelvis. A moan left your lips as one of his hands hiked up your leg and squeezed your thigh over the silky robe. Dean pressed himself to you and you bucked your hips, the feeling of his erection against your soaked pussy setting your body on fire.

Hurried hands fumbled with the knot tying your robe. He pushed it off your shoulders, revealing your naked before him, the soft material pooling around your feet.

“Fuck,” he said in a low grunt as his eyes wandered over your bare chest.

A smile spread on your lips. Always the same reaction from him. You unbuttoned his flannel, dropping it to the floor. As Dean yanked his white shirt over his head, your hands reached for his naked torso, traveling down to his abdomen and stopping over his belt, quickly unbuckling it. He pulled down his pants, standing in front of you only in his boxers. You pushed him towards the bed, straddling his hips as he sat. Hungry lips captured his plump, pink ones, his hands snaked to your back. The soft touch of his fingertips sending shivers down your spine.

“Need you,” a breathy moan escaped your lips.

Dean’s back met the softness of the mattress, green eyes sparkling at the sight of you on top of him. You leaned and his hands reached for your breasts. Fingers nipped at your hardened bud as his mouth enveloped the other. His name escaped your lips in a tiny whimper as you rolled your hips against him. He released your nipple with a pop and planted kisses everywhere he could touch.

You pushed down his boxers, revealing his hard cock in all its glory. Your small hand wrapped around his length, stroking it before circling the head with your thumb.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he hissed. “Want you. I need to taste you. Come up here.”

You crawled up, knees around his broad shoulders. As your hands met the headboard, he lowered your body to his face. Dean wanted to take his time. He peppered open-mouthed kisses on the inside of your thighs. He ran his nose over your folds and you let out a frustrated moan.

“Stop teasing.”

“Tell me what you need, sweetheart,” although you didn’t see it, you felt his lips curl into a smirk.

“I need to cum.”

Three teasing licks from your slit to clit caused your breath to hitch on your throat. He wanted to drive you insane and he definitely knew how to do it. Dean licked and sucked your most sensitive parts. Parts he knew by heart. His tongue entered your channel and you saw stars. Fingers finding their course to his hair, gripping it to the point of pain. A guttural grunt from him made your whole body shudder. You tried to buck your hips against his sinful mouth, but his strong grip on your hips restrained your movements. He kept pushing his tongue as far as he could, tasting your sweetness as he feasted. Muffled moans and husky hums escaped his lips, reverberating through your soaked folds. He enjoyed this as much as you did.

“Hmm, yes,” you moaned.

When you felt his grasp on you loosen, you rolled your hips. All your self-consciousness fading as the need to come grew stronger. Your hands dropped to the mattress, ass angling up. His tongue started to circulate your clit, sending small shivers through your body. You glanced over your shoulder, eyes landing on his hand stroking his cock slowly. Your cunt clenched around nothing. His teeth grazed over your bundle of nerves, nipping slightly. The burning coil in your abdomen tightened. Dean sealed his lips around your clit and you went off as a rocket. Your legs trembled around his head as he kept sucking. Waves of pleasure washed over you.

“Fuck, Dean,” you yelled out his name along with a bunch of obscenities.

Dean moaned as he lapped at your juices. He licked you clean until you rode out your orgasm. He kissed your sensitive clit before helping you scooting down so you could meet his face.

“Hi,” you smiled as you laid on top of him.

“Hey,” his plump lips were shining with your release, his cheeks a bright pink.

You leaned to capture his lips. A moan was muffled by his mouth as you tasted yourself in his tongue. The kiss didn’t last though. Both of you were in some serious need of air to make it last.

“I bet the neighbors know my name,” he beamed with the cockiest smirk.

“Oh, shut up,” with a roll of eyes, you started to plant open-mouthed kisses down his throat.

“You know they do. Especially after tonight. The way you-“ he stopped as you sucked at a sensitive spot on the side of his neck. “Shit, Y/N. Need to be inside you.”

He flipped you onto your back, laying on top of you. His lips attacked yours in a hungry, bruising kiss. Your hand reached for his cock, positioning it at your entrance.

“No, not like this. I have other things in mind,” he said with a crooked grin. “On all fours, sweetheart.”

Dean pulled away and you did as told. Your ass perked up and his warm hands gripped your hips. He squeezed your skin and you groaned in anticipation. The tip of his cock circled your entrance.

“Please,” a sweet little cry escaped your lips.

You whimpered as he pushed inside you ever so slow. His massive size stretching your walls to fit him. Dean groaned. He slid out almost completely before thrusting into you with such force that you gasped.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he grunted. “You feel so good. So tight.”

His blunt fingernails digging into the flesh of your hips as he pounded into you relentlessly. Sweat broke through your body as your breath started to come in short spurts. His hand collided with your right cheek, causing your body to jerk. Then he did the same to the other one and you hissed. Dean leaned against you, kissing your shoulder blade.

“You like this, don’t you?” His voice barely upon a whisper, hot breath fanning at your clammy skin. “You like it when I take you just… like… this?” His thrusts matched his words, sending you over the edge once again.

“Yes!”

His hand smacked harder at your right cheek as he pulled away. That definitely was going to leave a mark. Your skin tingling at the stingy sensation. He slammed in and out of you like a madman. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the room along with shameless cries and husky grunts. The heat in your core started to grow even more. You fell forward into the mattress, fingers curling the sheets. Your walls pulsated around him as your orgasm hit you abruptly. Dean sent another five deep-seated thrusts and had you screaming into the pillow in pure ecstasy.

You were so lost in the feeling that you didn’t notice Dean flipping you into your back. He leaned down nuzzling into your neck, before sliding back into you. He kept driving in and out of you, his breath erratic. Your hands slapped against his back, nails digging into his skin, heels digging into his ass. You needed as much of him as you could get.

“Come with me, sweetheart,” he nearly pleaded as he pulled away from your neck.

His hips pistoned against yours, sloppy thrusts aiming for the final push. The thumps of the headboard  banging against the wall mixed with the sound of his balls slapping against your ass. Dean delivered three deep thrusts before his body stiffened. He held himself there as he painted your walls white with his seed. Your orgasm rippled through you. You clenched around him so tight, milking his cock for all its worth. His green orbs locked in your lust blown eyes as his lips parted in a perfect “o” shape, mirroring your expression, though no sound came from any of you. Tears pricked in the corner of your eyes as pleasure washed through you.

Dean collapsed on top of you, his head nuzzling in the curve of your neck. He placed a kiss to your skin before rolling to his side. Both of you waited for your breaths to even. Only then, when the room had grown quiet, you noticed the orange glow in the room caused by the strays of sunshine that managed to get past the blinds.

“Hot damn,” he let out a content sigh.

“What we did tonight… it should be illegal,” you half-chuckled.

“I know, sweetheart. I know,” he had a stupid grin on his face the whole time.

“Don’t sweetheart me,” you pouted. “I’m still mad at you.”

“Really? C’mon! I thought I had made myself up to you by making you come three times. Wasn’t that enough?”

“Of course not! You cockblocked me. Who knows how many times I would’ve cum if I was with that guy,” you shrugged.

“None. Plus, he doesn’t love you so it wouldn’t be nearly as exciting as this was.”

“You still need to make yourself up to me. ’Sides, you didn’t even tie the record, Dean. I’ve made myself come more times using just my fingers and a couple of toys.”

“Is that a challenge, sweetheart?”

“Only if you wanted it to be,” you smirked.

Dean rolled over you, his hand making its way to cup your mound. “I bet you still have my cum dripping from this tight pussy.”

“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

I’d love to know what you think of this one! Please, consider sharing your thoughts with me via reply, reblog or ask!

Dean Sweethearts:

@maya-craziness @akshi8278 @spookytaylors​ @thisismysecrethappyplace @witch-of-letters

#spn bi-weekly writing challenge #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #Supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #dean x reader #deanreader #dean winchester x you #dean x you #supernatural x reader

[thepointoftheneedle]

Happy New Year!

I wrote a little New Year’s Eve one shot.  It’s below the cut or you can read it on AO3 here.  (I’ve started a collection of short pieces just to keep things tidy.) I hope you are all able to celebrate safely and I wish you a healthy and happy 2021.

It was obvious that the party was going off the rails as soon as Archie started lining up shots along the whole length of the marble counter top.  He called Reggie out and Reggie never backed down from a challenge to his machismo so they both worked their way along the little bullets of stupid until, breathless and belly laughing, they slid to the floor, their eyes swivelling in their dumb skulls like cartoon coyotes that had just been smashed over the head with an Acme anvil.  It was nine fifteen. Betty had wondered if Veronica would be mad about it but she seemed in the mood for some chaos as she set up two more lines of glasses opposite each other on the counter and challenged Cheryl who had never met an unnecessary drama she didn’t like.  

Betty had drunk a very pleasant glass of good champagne and had been contemplating having a couple more before midnight.  She’d never been a big drinker so for her that was cutting loose.  It had been, to put it crudely, a shit-show of a year and she was glad to see the back of it.  At the last New Year’s party she had been showing off a dazzling engagement ring, about to start the job that she had been expensively and laboriously trained for and she and her intended had signed the lease on a cute and well appointed apartment in Sunset Park which everyone said was the up and coming neighbourhood. The world had been unfolding for her like a flower.  Then the frost had come and scorched the petals with its chill. This year she was single, her job sometimes felt like it was eating her up and that cute apartment burned through every cent of her pay check now she had to make the rent alone.  It was possible that she was the saddest girl in a cocktail dress on the whole island of Manhattan, she was certainly the soberest person at the party.

An hour later the shots were completely out of hand and Betty had only just prevented Ethel from throwing up into the piano.  Moose made some half hearted effort to restore order, offering glasses of water, trying to start a game of Charades, but Kevin was in too mischievous a mood for his efforts to bear any fruit and instead they were embarking on Drunk Jenga, the rules of which seemed to be that you took a shot whenever you removed a block and then another when you placed it on top of the stack.  She imagined you took a shot if the tower fell but she didn’t stick around to find out.  She sidled over to where the Pol Roger was stacked, neglected,  in its very own champagne refrigerator and helped herself while everyone else was supporting the economy of Mexico by the prodigious consumption of Patron Silver.

She took her recharged glass to the window and looked out at the snowy expanse of Central Park far below.  It looked like the idealised interior of a snow globe, the air glassy and still and a huge yellow moon surveying its domain.  Betty remembered walking through the park with Trev last Christmas, bundled in a thick coat and scarf.  They’d held hands inside one of his mittens. They’d made snow angels.  They’d skated at the Wollman Rink and drunk hot chocolate afterwards.  Her life had been a cover image from a romance novel. This year she had spent Christmas being patronised by Polly’s constant offers of introductions to a succession of Jason’s frat brothers and golfing buddies.  Eventually she’d pointed out that if she’d wanted some obstructionist, bigoted blowhard she could have found one herself, without Polly’s oh so sympathetic intervention.  Polly cried and Betty apologised but she still wasn’t going to go on a date with a junior vice president of acquisitions even if he did have a weekend place in Connecticut.  She wouldn’t tolerate being paraded in front of prospective suitors like a prize dairy cow at the county show, not by Veronica and certainly not by her sister.

As she reminisced she became aware of Archie and Veronica deep in conversation in the corner of the room.  “We have a teeny emergenshy,” Veronica said, her hand on Archie’s forearm.  Veronica was never less than perfectly composed but that slur at the end of her word and the ramped up sincerity gave her away to her best friend. She was sozzled. “Only two bottles of Patron left and then the cupboard is bare. I may have over-ordered on the fizz and neglected the tequila.”

Archie nodded, taking the situation as seriously as his wife.  Then some kind of light dawned on his handsome face.  “We’ll get the magic doorman to get us some.  He’ll be on duty now.  I’ll go slip him a fifty and he’ll take care of it.”  He turned to reach for his wallet and promptly fell on his face. It was ten to eleven and all was decidedly not well.

Betty went over to help Archie off the rug.  He grinned even though his nose was bloody. “Ronnie, Betty’s all sober and sensible.  She can go talk to the wizard.  Here Betty, here’s fifty for a tip and Ronnie’ll give you her credit card for the booze.  Okay?  Shit I’m bleeding… still it’s not a party til something gets broke.”

V was looking at her imploringly now.  Somewhere there was the sound of glass smashing and Monroe’s attempt to do chin ups on the kitchen doorframe seemed to be bringing plaster down on the floor.  Betty would rather be almost anywhere than right here so she nodded at her friend.  "What do you need V?”

V explained that the building’s night doorman was a kind of fixer.  When Tom in 204 had forgotten his wife’s birthday Jones had got him a gluten free chiffon cake iced with her name at two thirty on a Thursday morning along with a bouquet of out of season narcissuses....narcissi? When the little boy in 116 had told his mama at midnight that he needed a George Washington costume for school the next day the night doorman had sourced it, complete with powdered wig, before the little tyke had finished his cheerios.  When V had realised an hour before her 5.15 a.m. flight to Miami that she had completely forgotten her niece’s confirmation gift he had sourced a personalised Catholic Bible bound in white leather which he handed to her as she got into her cab.  “He’s a miracle worker B.  Just tell him we need a case…no two cases of Patron Silver before midnight.  Give him the fifty but tell him I’ll make it a hundred if he can fix it by eleven thirty. OK?”

“Sure.  On my way.”  

She travelled down in the elevator imagining the doorman.  He’d be some old guy in a uniform with gold braid on the chest. He probably knew all the residents and their dogs by name and had one of those old timey extended families so that he could reach out to Cousin Ike for last minute birthday cakes or get his nephew’s wife to sew a costume at no notice.  She needed a fixer herself since her life seemed so broken.  She wondered what he could do for a lonely woman who was trying to work out if getting a cat was too much of an admission that she had given up.

As she stepped out into the lobby she was slightly taken aback by the mismatch between her expectations and reality.  He was behind the reception desk, dark head bowed over a laptop, no braid in evidence, no grey whiskers or paunch, just this dark, poetic looking guy in a black sweater.  She approached the desk and he looked up at her, fingers still flying over the keys without him needing to glance down.  He seemed to reach a natural pause, closed the lid of the laptop and smiled politely.  “Yes ma’am, how can I help?”  His eyes were blue.  They seemed to look through her probably thinking she was just another rich girl bringing him problems.  He must get that a lot.

“Yeah, hi, I’m a guest of Mr and Mrs Lodge Andrews up in the penthouse.  They’re having a little New Year's Eve party and they’re running low on liquor.  They wondered if you could source them a couple of cases of…”

“Patron Silver?  Yes ma’am, of course.  Who should I charge it to?”  She had no idea how he could have known what she was going to ask for.  It made her want to say that they wanted Stolichnaya or absinthe or something, just to surprise him but she’d been sent for Patron and Patron she would get.

“Oh, yes, I have a credit card.” She handed it over,  “and Mr Andrews said to give you this for the trouble.”  She passed him the fifty, embarrassed.

“No incentive to get it here before the coaches turn into pumpkins?” he asked, eyebrow raised.  She thought he was making fun of her but she couldn’t be sure.  

“Oh yes, that’s right.  Veronica said another $50 if it’s here by eleven thirty.”

“Okay ma’am.  I’ll buzz up when it’s here.  If that’s all.”

“Oh please don’t call me ma’am.  I’m Betty.”

“I’m Jones... Jughead. Nickname. Long dull story.” He raised an eyebrow, clearly wondering why she was still standing in front of his desk.

“Look, it’s a little crazy up there.  Would it be okay if I just stay down here for a minute? Just say if it’s inconvenient. I don’t want to disturb you if you’re busy.” She didn’t think she could bear to be the responsible adult at Veronica’s party for a moment longer. Here it was quiet and no one needed her to hold back their hair while they were getting sick.

“Busy getting hold of twelve bottles of good tequila on New Year's Eve but that’s all.  I just need to make a call.  Excuse me.”  He stood and walked away from the desk, his back turned to her.  It was a good back.  He was wearing the black sweater over grey slacks with a key chain hanging from one of his belt loops.  He had broad shoulders but his neck was fine, not thick and meaty like the guys who needed to lift weights to manufacture some self esteem. He was slim at the waist and the hips, long legs, tall.  The hair was the USP though, dark waves of it tumbling freely as he dragged long fingers through it, waiting for someone to pick up his call.  Finally he yelled “Hey Toni.  Yeah, two cases of Patron Silver asap.  Yeah, I’d noticed that but mark it up. Can Sweetpea drop it over?  Yeah right now.  Hey, ask him to get me a burger on the way too.”  He turned and looked at Betty with a questioning look and she shrugged and nodded, “Two, make it two.  Ok, thanks Toni.  Yeah you too.  See you Sunday.”

He ended the call and made his way back to the desk.  “My pal Toni runs a bar,” he explained with a grin. 

“Veronica says you’re magic, a wizard,” she told him.

“Nothing occult about it.  I’m just observant, that’s all.”

“Seems magical to produce a George Washington costume overnight,” she countered.  

“Oh well, that was a lucky break.  My sister’s a textile artist.  A struggling one.  I gave her the brief and she knocked up the costume in a few hours.  Now all the upper east side mommies have her business card and she can afford to buy materials and pay her rent.  She had to pull an all nighter but it paid off pretty big in the end.”

“Birthday cake?  Out of season flowers?” 

“The husband’s kind of a dick.  He forgot last year too. They had a fight about it in this very lobby so I wrote down the date and got ready to save his bacon.  If he’d remembered the date I’d have had cake for my breakfast and sent my sister a bunch of flowers.  As it was I made a couple hundred bucks.”

Betty was laughing now at the smug look on his face.  “So you could have reminded him beforehand?”

“Could have, but maybe the expense’ll help him remember next time.  Anyway if the doorman knows more about your wife than you do it might be time to review your priorities.”

“Ok but what about the Bible?  That seems pretty miraculous.”

“Actually it’s kind of the opposite. The kid’s confirmation name is Maria. Hardly original.  My buddy Joaquin’s little sister was confirmed a few months ago.  Her confirmation name’s Maria.  She hadn’t made a whole lot of use of the Bible.  Your pal paid me three hundred, Joaquin’s kid sister got two hundred in her college fund.”

“Seems like the side hustles are more remunerative than the pay check,” Betty observed.

“It’s all a side hustle.  I’m a writer.  This job’s kept me supplied with characters and plot lines and given me eight hours of mostly uninterrupted writing time.”

Betty flushed pink and jumped up from the corner of the desk where she had been leaning.  “Oh I’m so sorry. Here I am wasting your time.  I’ll be on my way.”

“No, wait,” he reached out and put his hand on her arm.  It tingled.  “I didn’t mean it like that.  This is research.  Maybe I’ll put you in my next book.  The sad girl in a party frock who’d rather be in the lobby than with her friends at a party being kissed for New Year.”

“There’s no-one to kiss up there,” she confessed with a sad smile and then, without having any idea why, she said “I broke up with my fiancé last February.”

“Aha,” he said.  “There’s the plot.  Tell me.”

“He’s great.  A really good guy.  Kind, loyal, handsome.  Everything I should have wanted. Any girl would be lucky to have him. I think I broke his heart.”

“Why?”

“We started to plan the wedding and I wanted to run away.  I couldn’t bear to think about it.  Then one day I found myself imagining what I’d do if something bad happened that prevented it, like if he got sick or if I was in a car accident or something.  It was pretty clear that I couldn’t go through with it if I preferred the idea of one of us being in a coma to the idea of my wedding day.”

“Cold feet?”

“Oh freezing but it wasn’t just nerves.  When I imagined being married to him I couldn’t see myself, I was just a blank. It was… I don’t know how to say it…like I was finished.  I’d never be anything more than I was, never change or grow or struggle.  It was all too easy.  No grit in the oyster.  I know it’s crazy.”

“You didn’t say it was you not him did you?  You didn’t do that to him?” He was smiling at her, sympathising not mocking.

She blushed.  “I did.  All the clichés.  How could I explain?  I don’t even understand it myself.”

“I understand it.  You want to find out who you can be and he couldn’t give you that.  He was happy with who you were, didn’t want you to change.  He was probably scared of losing you. Anyone would be.” He looked at her with an intensity that made her nervous so she tried to change the subject.  

“A writer then?  What do you write?”

“Mostly mystery stories.  Magazines and online so far but I’ve just got a publisher for the novel.  I’m going to quit this next year.  What do you do?”

“I’m a psychologist.  I work with kids who are in trouble.  Try to get them back on track.  I love it but it’s hard sometimes.  I hear things that it’s tough to leave at the office.”

“You need to take care of you first.  You can’t save someone if you aren’t safe yourself. ”

“Writer or life coach?” she smiled.

He chuckled.  “Sorry.  I’m not good at small talk.  I get too intense too fast and freak people out.  Oh hey, cometh the man, cometh the tequila.”  

A tall guy in a leather jacket was pulling boxes out of the back of a truck that he’d illegally bumped up the curb outside..  He looked a little scary.  Once he was in the lobby she saw that he had a snake tattooed on his neck.  He fist bumped Jughead and then pulled him into a side hug. “Hey man.  Happy new year and all that. Hey,” he said, noticing Betty for the first time. 

“Hey.  Thanks so much for bringing it over. There’s a whole apartment full of drunk idiots upstairs just waiting to make themselves sick on it. Oh!” He turned back to Betty, aghast at what he’d said. “Sorry Betty.”

“You’ll not get an argument from me.  That’s why I’m down here talking to you.”

Neck tattoo laughed and held out his hand “Sweetpea.  Pleasure doing business with you.”  He turned back to Jughead,  “So I have to get back, I’m supposed to be on the door at the Wyrm.  See you Sunday?”

“Burgers?” Jug reminded him and his friend nodded, trotting back to the truck to grab a take out bag and toss it back to Jughead who snatched it from the air like a dolphin snatching a fish at Seaworld.

Betty buzzed up to the penthouse to get one of the assembled jocks to come and collect two cases of tequila and bring down a bottle of Pol Roger and the promised fifty dollars. It was eleven twenty four.  Ten minutes later she was sitting on the reception desk eating a burger, washing it down with $200 champagne.  “This is the best New Year's Eve I’ve ever had,” she grinned, a little disinhibited by the bubbles.  

“Weren’t you engaged last year?”

“This is much better.  I was pretending last year.  Now I’m just being me.”

“I always find that works better.  The not pretending bit. Especially not with someone you can love.”

She certainly wasn’t pretending at eleven fifty nine when she reached out to him and he took her in his arms and kissed her softly as cheers and yells rang out from the parties all over the city and fireworks exploded high above the park, casting confetti of coloured lights across the marble lobby. 

As the kiss ended she looked up into his blue eyes, wondering if it was the champagne that was making her blurry and relaxed or if it was him.  She thought she’d have to keep on kissing him to know for sure.  He really was a fixer though.  Her heart felt lighter, hopeful.

He grinned.  “Spectacular as that was, this is probably the most surveilled lobby in the city.  Can we schedule the repeat for when I’m not actually on the clock?”  He gestured at the security cameras covering every inch of the space and she blushed to think that somewhere there was taped evidence of her trying to seduce the sexy doorman.

“Can I stay here and talk to you some more if I promise not to touch?”

“I wish you would.  I get off at six and I know a great diner for breakfast.  We can tell people our first date was breakfast.  They’ll be scandalised.” She couldn’t hold back at the mention of the first date, of them telling people about it, so she kissed him on the cheek before retreating back to the edge of the desk with her hands up.

They talked about her work, his writing, they compiled an ultimate New Year's Eve playlist and top tens of movies and books.  She found herself distracted by the fullness of his lips, the expressiveness of his face, the heaviness of the locks of hair that fell forward over his eyes only to be pushed back impatiently.  They agreed on almost nothing and that was exactly how she liked it.  When she crept up to the penthouse at five thirty to collect her coat and change her party shoes for snow boots, she was met with a scene of devastation.  Prostrate bodies sprawled on every flat surface.  The two cases of tequila sat unopened in the kitchen, clearly surplus to requirements by the time they had been manifested.  She picked her way through the carnage and found the coat closet where Archie had put her things when she’d arrived the night before.  Opening the door she noticed the cases of liquor stacked inside, three unopened boxes of Patron among them.  She realised that Jug wasn’t the only fixer in the building.  She made sure to lean over her sleeping friend to place a kiss on her forehead before she let herself out, locking the door behind her.

#bughead fanfiction #bughead fan fic #New Years

[rosemarie--h]

( zoey deutch. 25. she/her. ) i think i just saw ROSEMARIE  JANE HARMON ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was them . after all , I MISS THE MISERY BY HALESTORM was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe they were on their way to work , i hear they’re a BARTENDER AT THE WATERING HOLE . but they totally could have been on their way to PLAY PRANKS ON THE MEMBERS. guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its them when you see RIPPED BLACK JEANS, SOUND OF 90'S ROCK AND DILATED PUPILS around the country club . let’s just hope they stay off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get them ! ( marie. 26. est. she/her. none. ) 

tw: child neglect, tw: drugs, tw: suicide

I couldn’t help myself and brought my old rebel  child back. I just love my messy and broken girl.!

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 Matthew and Stacey Harmon where the epitome of what success should look like. They were a young couple who had come from nothing and mounted to be the most sought-after criminal defense lawyers in the United States. They were known for their poise and ability to handle high profile cases with dignity and discretion. Their clients ranged from high-grossing actors and celebrities to politicians and other government officials. And in the years since their jump into high profile, they had built up an image that both always strived to be. They had to be picture perfect. Perfectly put together. Fit the part of success. So naturally, when they became pregnant, it wasn’t something they had planned or particularly wanted. They tried to keep the pregnancy as quiet as possible, and while they had always had the option of abortion or adoption, for some reason the Harmons had allowed the pregnancy to go full term.

Rosemarie Jane Harmon was born on August 5th, 1992 and unlike most babies, Rose was not held by her mother immediately after birth. In fact, she had been refused and sent immediately to the hospital nursery. The rest of her life followed in similar fashion. Rose had come into her parents’ life as unwanted and unloved. A child ruined the image the stoic lawyers had tried to build for themselves and their practice, especially as child as lively and rambunctious as Rose had been from the start. Rose had probably been embraced by her parents only a handful of times, most of the love she received growing up coming from the Nanny – Elizabeth Green – that had been hired to raise her. But even Elizabeth – the only mother figure she had truly grown to know – was taken from her once Stacy deemed Rose old enough to take care of herself.

Growing up without any love or affection had Rose searching for it in all the wrong places from a very young age. It started off innocently enough – mostly confined to causing trouble at home, just so she could get a flicker of attention from her father or mother but that stopped working, her cries become louder. Living in Atlanta, it wasn’t hard to find trouble. In school, Rose started to hang out with the wrong crowd. Though, the more trouble she found, the less it seemed her parents cared, almost slowly fazing her out of their image.

She was 17 when she first fell from grace. At a rave, Rose stuck her tongue out, letting a tablet be pressed to her tongue for the first time. She’s been after that high ever since. It was the closest thing that she could imagine love felt like. It took her away from the feeling of worthlessness that plagued her because of her parents’ incapability of loving her as parents should love their children. It took her away from the pain of missing her only mother figure who never tried to reach out to her despite promising a young rose she would on the day she was let go. It took her away from the depression that ran through her body despite her refusal to acknowledge it.

From that moment on, Rose lived searching for the occasional high to get her feeling alive again but for the most part, she had it under control, still having a firm grip on reality. But everything began to take a different path when she met Andrew. He was older than her, a good five years. But despite their age difference, they had immediately hit things off and it wasn’t long before Rose had fallen completely head over heels for him. He was the first person she opened up to him about her home life and when Andrew heard of her misery, he had given her the option to follow him to his next destination.

With no family or real friends to hold her back, Rose didn’t hesitate to pack what she could when her boyfriend at the time asked her to run away with him. They hit the road then and Rose hasn’t been back to Atlanta since. When her and Andrew landed in Chicago, Rose’s eyes were opened to a new world – mostly for the worse. He introduced her to a world of endless fun and chemically induced euphoria. It was with him that the dependency for drugs began to really grow. It started off her a tablet of molly here or there, like she had been doing in Atlanta, and before she knew it, she was doing a line in the bathroom of a club.

About a year or so after being together, Rose’s world would soon fall apart. One morning, after a typical night of partying, she woke up to find that Andrew was dead. He had overdosed and she’d been too high too notice. By the time she had woken up, it had been too late. So, Rose got up, called the cops and ran before they got there.

Rose’s already fragile heart was shattered at losing the one person that had loved her in this cruel world. The one person she had loved unconditionally. And the grief fueled her addiction even further. 

From that day forward, Rose lived most of her minutes high or searching for the next dose. It didn’t really matter where the high came from, she just craved that feeling of euphoria, of being alive, of numbness. If it came from a tablet of molly, fine. If it was from a shot of heroin, cool. A mixture of opioids, why not? A smoke of meth- what was the harm? But her favorite way to lose herself was from a line of cocaine. Rose began to live a very nomadic life, travelling where she wanted, making connections as she went, crashing on their couches and starting all over again. There were times when she became so drugged, she would party for days, unable to settle down enough to stop and sleep. She got into fights. Spent many days in stupors, a haze. She wouldn’t have a clue of the reality around her.

Rose was twenty, when she OD’d for the first time and was admitted into rehab for her addiction. After a few months of rehab, Rose was released, and she wasted no time in falling back into her vices. She continued to jump from place to place, never staying no longer than a few weeks at a time. In her travels, she had several relapses, a couple of times causing her to be readmitted into rehab. But sadly, her addiction was stronger than her will live.

That was until she met Finely but Finley is someone Rose never talks about.

If Rose lived in shadowed lands, then Finley lived in other darkness. There was fragility around this woman that had drawn Rose to her immediately. Their initial time was spent mostly just hooking up but it was in the quiet moments that Rose fell. Finley was the other half of her, her true and tragic soulmate. Her star crossed lover. 

There was a part of her that always knew Finley wouldn’t exist on this Earth forever. There was a sadness and exhaustion that clung so tightly to her love and even when there seemed to be a little light that shined through, it wasn’t enough. 

The day Rose walked into their apartment and found that Finley had taken her life, was as expected as it was a shock. She still doesn’t know how long she clung to Fin’s body, sobbing for her to come back before she finally called for help.

Rose has never been the same. 

The loss completely eviscerated her. There was a gaping hole left in her chest and Rose went down a spiral to rock bottom, trying to fill or numb that hole. 

Rose has never been truly sober since that day 2 years ago and while she has gotten her vices under somewhat of control, she still very much relies on them on a day to day basis. Just enough to numb the hurt that never seems to go away. 

When she arrived in Highland at 1 year ago, Rose was probably at the lowest she had ever been. But trying to keep her promise to Finley, Rose has tried to make the best of things. She landed a job at the Watering Hole and has found a apartment to live in with a roommate.

And though every day is a struggle for her, Rose feels that she’s on the right track to turn her life around. Or at least, pretend to.

Important Facts: - Rose has a lot of emotional and mental issues due to her past. Mostly, she has this abandonment complex and she struggles every day with a heavy sense of worthless. - Has been clean for two and a half years. - She still clings to the party scene, though she now stays away from illicit substances, she has no issue with throwing back a few shots. - Rose hasn’t been in a relationship with anyone in about 2 years and is very happy that way. She doesn’t want to get hurt again. And she isn’t sure she can love again. - Loves animals and often volunteers at the shelter - LOVES cats and wants one but considers herself too unstable to own a pet. - Hasn’t spoken to her parents since she left Atlanta and pretends it doesn’t bother her, but it does. - On her left side, Rose has a tattoo. It’s the quote “without struggle, there is no progress” in cursive writing. - Has lived in Atlanta, Chicago, Nashville, New Orleans, a few other places until she came back to Georgia and settled in Peaches Hollow.

Personality - Rose lives impulsively, acting first and thinking later. - She doesn’t hold back and certainly doesn’t censor herself. Rose is the most straightforward person around and she will tell you how it is, whether it hurts your feelings or not. - Fun is priority in her life. Having grown up so unloved and hidden away in her youth, she is desperately trying to fill that gap in her life. She will jump from club to club, party to party, a shot of tequila in her hands always. Mostly, she is afraid that if she stops, allows herself to feel, every heartache she has ever felt will coming rushing at her. - Attachments are a no go for her, especially romantic ones. She’s fine with hook-ups, in fact she rather enjoys them, but once she or her partner start to develop feelings, she flees. If you don’t let anyone close, you can never be hurt. - Losing Finley broke something inside of Rose and she’s very keen on not giving that part of herself way. She doesn’t know if she can love again or if she has any to give. Most of the time, however, Rose tends to develop friendships with her partners. She’s pretty laid back and goes with the flow which makes everything easier. - Rose is super protective of those she considers close to her and will do almost anything for them. - Once you get past her wit and sass, Rose is the sweetest person you would ever meet, even if she’s rough around the edges. But good luck getting her to open emotionally.

#highlandsintro #bio #about #tw: drugs #tw: suidice #tw: death #tw: child neglect

[writingpuddle]

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” Nicky asked, digging in his pack for a chocolate bar. To their left, the cliff dropped away precipitously, sheer granite cliffs like sentinels at the end of the world.

Neil stared at Nicky. “No,” he said.

“What, never?”

Neil looked out across the sweeping vista of mountains before them. A speck that could have been a hawk or a raven or a sparrow spun against the sky, too small and distant to judge. He’d stood in the middle of busy cities; he’d gone to school with hundreds; he’d even tried out for a track and field team once. He’d been surrounded by people, and he had been so ferociously lonely it had been like a knife in his chest.

“No,” he said, because he didn’t know how to explain—didn’t even want to, really. He’d felt more alone back in the so-called real world than he’d ever felt in the wilderness, miles from any other person. When there was no one around, there was no one to miss.

~~~The Long-Distance Hiker AU (A Bullet Point Fic)~~~

So after Neil’s mom died he kinda of ghosted around for a while and eventually ended up in a small hiking town in California

He met a bunch of thru hikers and figured, hey, my dad probably won’t find me if I’ve fucked off into the wilderness

So he starts hiking

And pretty soon he realizes it’s the best thing he could imagine

He spends all summer in the mountains and when winter rolls around he finds a temporary job in a skiing town working in a second hand gear shop

He’s an ultralighter in the most accidental sense possible

His gear is weird and cobbled together and his shoes are held together with dental floss

He sleeps under a tarp with a down blanket and a thin foam mat and he’ll eat the same shit day in day out without even registering it while he covers frankly obscene distances every single day

It basically gives Kevin an ulcer

Kevin’s an ultralighter, but in the stuck up, rich bitch way; his gear is probably worth thousands of dollars and he’ll lecture anyone who listens about ripstop nylon and is super snobby and elitist about who is a so-called “real” thru hiker (hint: anyone who doesn’t do it his way isn’t a real thru hiker)

(don’t worry he’ll get smacked around a little by people like Dan and stop being such a little bitch about it but he grew up rich so even though it might’ve been shit living with Riko he really doesn’t always take into consideration the context of how much fucking money gear costs when he’s preaching about ultralighting)

(yes I’m taking out my dislike for pretentious rich ultralighters on him, okay, but the difference is he’ll have character growth versus the people I met are probably still being preachy and self-important to this day)

Andrew’s like the exact opposite

His pack weighs like seventy pounds and he’ll pull a six-inch knife (a gross misuse of smart gear weight management) at anyone who comments

He has a completely contained single person tent that’s big enough to sit up in and a four-inch inflatable mattress

His sleeping bag is rated to like -20 even when he’s hiking in the summer

Nicky swears he once saw him pull a full-sized chocolate cake out of his backpack three days down the trail and everyone says that’s stupid and made up but secretly think its totally true

Andrew likes to hike alone but somehow he’s never more than a day away from Aaron and Nicky and when he keeps showing up near them it gets harder and harder to pretend like he doesn’t actually care about them

Nobody says anything, obviously, but Nicky gets a little teary when he starts to notice the pattern

It was Nicky’s idea; in this universe Erik got him into hiking when he was in Germany so he got the cousins into it as a bonding exercise and then it turned out it was the best family activity they had ever found

This is several years after they graduated and they’ve scrounged together enough time and money to hike the Pacific Crest Trail

Now the upperclassmen:

So Stephanie Walker is a trail angel: one of those people who lives near a long trail and provides snacks and rides and somewhere to stay and basically helps out anyone who comes by with whatever’s going on; she’s pulled a lot of people out of frankly dangerous situations and she’s not afraid of anything the trail has to offer

So Renee finds herself and her faith while living this life of meeting new hikers every day and it’s almost inevitable that she starts to hike and find solace in the wilderness

Allison is one of those Wild types: she’s done some hiking (much to her parents’ chagrin) but she’s never done a thru trail or even much overnighting before, but she’s ready to throw herself into it and doesn’t care how dirty she gets

She totally carries a tiny spa package though

The other women are very skeptical because they take pride in being free from societies expectations and make up and shaving but they come around after Allison pulls it out one time when they’re seven days into a ten day section and gives them face masks and they all have a little pedicure pampering session (so, so needed when your feet are being beaten and bruised by hard terrain all day)

She has a lot of new, expensive gear and is super touchy about people trying to help her (because a beautiful woman absolutely gets people trying to “help” all the time and it’s infuriating and condescending) but she learns to accept help from her closest friends

She was showing off near the beginning of the trail drinking with a bunch of guys and probably got too sloshed trying to act tough (alcohol hits you waaaay harder at high elevations dude, if you’re not expecting it you can get Fucked Up really fast)

It’s Seth who realizes things are getting out of control and pulls her out before the guys can do anything shitty which is how their friendship and eventually their relationship gets started

They piss everyone off with their constant breaking up and getting back together on the trail, sometimes hiking together for days and then splitting up and going to hike with other people but they find a lot of healing out there in the woods

Seth’s mom is totally dismissive and condescending of his hiking, she thinks it’s a stupid waste of time, but she thinks everything he does is a stupid waste of time so at least when he’s out there without cell service he has an excuse to not respond to her

Now Dan

Dan’s trailer trash, right

She’s got no fucking cash but she has this dream in her head to hike the PCT and she’s going to fucking well do it

Her gear is probably most similar to Neil’s except where his is a mess of weird priorities and held together by spit and twine

Hers is meticulously planned

It’s cheap, some of it’s over forty years old, but it’s hers

It’s probably the only stuff in the world that’s actually hers

She accumulated it over about four years, hitting all the second-hand gear events, saving up every penny, packing and repacking and writing everything out in great detail until David Wymack got wind of her plans at a gear event

He’s one of those guys who hiked the PCT thirty years ago back before anyone knew what it was except instead of feeling superior about that it means he knows exactly how much impact experiencing the wilderness can have for disenfranchised people

He approaches Dan and offers to sponsor her hike

She’s resistant at first; she planned this hike, she got all the stuff together, she was going to do it without anyone’s help

But he comes back and says he just wants her to write about her experiences and publish it on his website

He’ll pay her for the work, of course

And she wavers and finally caves because this will move her plans up by about two years if she can make money while she’s hiking instead of having to hoard up enough cash to take six whole months off

Her blog posts are a huge hit

She doesn’t preach about how the mountains saved her, or get too metaphorical about hiking or anything like that

She just talks about the real, raw experience of hiking

The friendships, the trials, the triumphs

The infuriating people whose mental image of the hiking community doesn’t include poor black girls who grew up in a trailer park, who say she’s an inspiration like they actually mean something else

She talks about the days that she flies up the mountains and the days that she can barely drag herself out of her tent and the day she realizes that Allison and Renee, these women she thought could not be more different from her, are the best friends she’s ever had in the world

And she’s takes fucking amazing pictures

She’s also very determined not to have a trail romance

That’s stupid and cliché

Look that guy Matt might be hot but she’s not interested

He’s clearly working through some stuff and she’s not here to be some guys savior or whatever

So Matt then

His mom helped him get sober a couple years ago and he’s been struggling with it ever since

She got him into hiking as an outlet and a healthy hobby and he took to it like a fish to water

He’s got legs for days and he doesn’t mind carrying a heavy pack, he can hike for hours without stopping

(The fact that he’s faster than her pisses Dan off a bit, but sometimes you gotta accept that you’ve got short legs and just hike your own hike, there aren’t any prizes for speed)

He relapsed again a couple months before his hike started and he and Randy weren’t even sure if he was going to be able to do it but he’s damned well going to try

So anyway

Pretty much everyone is trying to actually hike the PCT except Neil

He drives everyone bonkers

His motivation isn’t really about the trail so much as staying out in the wilderness where there are no gangsters to murder you

So he just does whatever he wants and keeps showing up at random points

He’s technically got one of the thru hiker permits but he frequently goes off on side trails not on the PCT and ends up hiding out in the woods so rangers won’t find him

He’ll just hitchhike straight through boring sections or anywhere that you pass through too many towns where he’d rather not be remembered

He keeps coming back to the PCT but it’s more like it’s a rough guideline of where to go than an actual route he’s taking

He’s got his natural colouring back because who’s dying their hair or wearing fucking contacts on the trail?

But also

Who would ever associate a runaway mafia kid with a guy with overgrown hair and a stained t-shirt who’s sitting serenely on a mountain pass in a photo on David Wymack’s website?

Nobody

That’s right kids, Nathan doesn’t have a role in this one because he doesn’t find Neil

Maybe he gets killed in a shoot out or something and some other gangster steps up and takes over, and in the shuffle Neil’s just kinda forgotten

Maybe he finds out months later and he just stares at the computer in shock because he should have known, shouldn’t he? He should have felt it when his father died

He should have realized that he was free

That happens later though

Who fucking cares what Riko’s doing honestly

Kevin has somehow attached himself to Andrew and is driving him up the wall with advice to improve his hiking/base weight/distance/etc and he sees this guy (Neil) who regularly covers like thirty or forty miles a day (obscene!) and is like YES this guy is my people!

Except when he starts talking to Neil he realizes he’s this total weirdo who doesn’t even have a cook set he just eats cold food (a common enough thing among ultralighters, but not like this. Oh god, not like this)

Neil’s just sitting there gnawing on a pack of uncooked ramen like a fucking animal

And he’s not! Even! Hiking! Properly!

You’ll never finish the trail if you hike like this!

Neil just gives him a blank look

He’s got no interest on getting on some “verified” list of people who hiked the PCT, he just likes hiking

Andrew likes him

I mean obviously he despises him what the hell is with that janky ass setup but also he’s so unconventional and unapologetic how could Andrew not be into that?

They’re the kind of people who give wilderness rescue personnel grey hair, but for completely opposite reasons

Neil keeps running into them because even though he covers so much ground every day, his meandering route means he doesn’t actually move down the trail very fast

They’ll be like wait weren’t you like a week ahead of us and he’s like oh yeah I heard about this cool waterfall and took a sixty mile side trail to visit it and nearly ran into a momma bear with two cubs, it was awesome

And they all start to grow on him, and each other, almost accidentally

Look none of them are out there romanticizing the trail as some kind of magical place where the problems of the real world disappear and the people are somehow more pure and true or whatever

People are people and they bring their issues wherever they go

But there is a paring down

When your daily concerns are just mileage and shoes and food and weather, a lot of other stuff fades into the background

And well the truth is a lot of people are on those trails to work through stuff

And they find each other

Gradually, without even really noticing

They team up in June, groups of three or four with crampons and ice axes to get over the Sierra’s.

Neil was planning to just do side hikes and wait for the snow to melt—he isn’t so reckless he wants to go over the ice alone, but Kevin insists he join them and for the first time he hikes in a group with Kevin and the cousins all together.

It’s weird

He’s not used to people talking to him when he’s hiking and he frequently doesn’t respond and it’s not because he’s being rude he’s just so focussed on what he’s doing and what’s around him that he literally doesn’t hear them

And then

Nicky slips

It’s not his fault, they did nearly everything right (Kevin may be a pretentious ass, but he does know his shit) but sometimes shit just happens for no reason

And they’re at the edge of the ice sheet so Nicky’s just untying himself from the rope that links them together, he’s not even moving, and the snow beneath him shifts and he doesn’t even have time to scream before he’s hurtling down the snow below the trail towards the cliff at the bottom of the ice sheet

Neil doesn’t even hesitate

He dives after him, ice axe in one hand like a fucking gladiator and gets his arm wrapped around Nicky’s waist

He slams the ice axe into the snow and it drags behind them, and it looks like it’s not going to catch, and the edge is getting closer and closer—

Until the axe catches something, and Nicky and Neil lurch to a halt, clinging to each other, hanging off of Neil’s one arm and the axe.

Neil looks up and sees Andrew, Aaron and Kevin in various places on the slope above them, their axes dug in and long gouge marks in the snow beneath their heels, strung together by a ropeline that’s still attached to Neil’s waist

That rope is probably the only thing that slowed them down enough that Neil could stop them without ripping his arm clean off

It’s hardly a by-the-book rescue, and in fact it was pretty stupid, but they’re okay, they’re okay, that’s all that matters

That night they light a fire down by a lake and Nicky cries on Aaron’s shoulder and Andrew keeps clenching his fists because he’s never felt so helpless in his life and it was Neil that jumped, not him

He knows that he was at the far end of the line and he would’ve made it worse if he had, but doing nothing while Neil risked his life to save Nicky

They don’t really talk about it

But you kind of can’t help being friends after that

And even after they’re out of the high mountains and back on solid trails Neil keeps tabs on them

And Nicky befriends the others and without even meaning to they start to develop a sort of loose trail family vibe

They’re not hiking together all the time like some of the groups they meet, but they check on each other all the time and wait up in resupply villages and bond over firepits and shitty hot chocolate mixes and swap tips on how to keep the butt-chafing at bay

Neil sticks to the outskirts, mostly, but he starts to open up a little, in fits and spurts, tiny non-specific things that wouldn’t even register to most people but that this particular group knows means more than that

He’s slowing down, too, sometimes hiking entire days with people and covering half his usual distance even when there’s no cliffs or glaciers threatening him

He likes hiking with Andrew the most, though

Because neither of them are big talkers when they’re hiking and Andrew’s pack might be absurdly heavy but he’s got legs the size of tree trunks and endurance to match, so he might not be fast but he can outwalk half the people on the trail by sheer relentlessness

They both like to camp up high, near treeline (so Neil can set up his tarp) and in the places that it’s legal they’ll start a small fire and Andrew will loan Neil his pot so he can actually cook his fucking ramen for once and sometimes they’ll watch the Milky Way rise and share secrets under the open sky, not looking at each other so they don’t break the illusion, and sometimes they won’t say anything at all but it’s okay, because they’re saying nothing together.

It’s nice

It’s maybe more than nice

The summer draws to a close and Neil is starting to realize that he doesn’t want it to

He never wants the hiking season to end but this time it’s different

This summer has been perfect

And he knows deep in his bones that once they leave the trail things will change

The others have lives to return to, and Neil…

The trail is all he has

And if he’s barely hiking alone at all these days, well, who’s going to call him out on it?

The others like having him around because he stops them from getting too fixated on the Trail to see the trail

He still takes side trips but now sometimes people will come along and he’ll stand at the base of a canyon staring up at the glossy white walls and Dan will snap a photo for her blog and smile, because the PCT is just a line on a map, but the hike is all of them; together

He’s hiking with Andrew in September when a storm hits, this time vicious

Neil huddles under his tarp in resignation

Storms suck, he always gets wet, no matter how much he lowers the tarp, but he’s used to it; he just waits it out

But it’s just getting worse

Hail lashing at the tarp and pummelling the ground and maybe for once he regrets camping so high up

And Andrew has to shout to be heard but finally Neil realizes he’s offering to let Neil come into his tent

You’re going fucking freeze, just get in here

Neil goes

It’s weird

It’s instantly weird

The tent is not built for two people, so they’re both sitting cross legged with their heads ducked to not press against the roof

The storms probably not going to let up soon, Andrew says

Yeah, Neil says.

Andrew sighs

Lie down, he says, and Neil does, and Andrew lies down next to him, shoulder to shoulder

It barely works, only because neither of them are very big people

Neil’s pack is outside wrapped in his tarp and all he has is his damp down blanket but he’s not cold anymore, not with Andrew bundled up in his ridiculous sleeping bag right next to him

The storm rages for nearly two days and what passes between them in that tent, nobody knows

If they’re barely ever seen apart after it, well. You only see people so often on the trail. It could easily be a coincidence

And if Neil doesn’t even set his tarp up on rainy nights anymore, well. They never camp near other people anyway, so who’s to know?

In early October the snow blows in, blocking the route to the finish.

They drift around a resupply village for almost two weeks, waiting for the trail to reopen, but finally even Kevin accepts that it isn’t going to

After all of that, none of them are going to finish the trail

It’s a disappointment—of course it is. For most of them, the end of their trip is now a nondescript exit into a village, no fanfare, no closure; they didn’t even know they were done for days

Still, it’s not so bad

They’re all together

Allison suggests Vegas, but they all laugh it down; they wouldn’t even know how right now, bearded and hairy and ravenous as they are

They go to South Carolina instead

It’s not really even discussed that they’ll stay together, they just all go; Allison hosts them at her resort and they laugh at the incongruous weirdness of seeing each other in real clothes, and it’s different, but it’s also okay

They stay for another two weeks, and they don’t hike another fucking inch

We should try the Continental Divide Trail sometime, Dan says

Her blog is so popular now that she’s got sponsorships from more than just Wymack waiting for her

She could make a career out of hiking and blogging and doing gear reviews and it’s a dream she’d never even realized she wanted until she had it

And if she accidentally fucked up and ended up with a hot trail boyfriend? Well, nobody’s perfect

And he has a great butt

(she has photos of it on her blog, from when they jumped into a glacier lake naked back in August)

Everyone is jealous

How about that trek in Iceland? Matt suggests

Or the whats-it-called in New Zealand, Allison says

Oh, I bet there’s some good ones in Europe! Nicky says. You guys can all meet Erik!

And it’s going to be different, but it’s not going away, and Neil feels calm in a way he never has at the end of a hiking season before

Eventually everyone has to start making plans to return to their lives, and jobs, and Neil sneaks out to the back of the house to sit in crisp fall air and watch leaves spiral down out of the trees

Andrew follows him

They sit together, watching the moon rise over the hills, and when Andrew asks Neil to come home, Neil says yes

#me? coping with my inability to go hiking by writing headcanons? its more likely than you think! #aftg headcanons #aftg au #andreil #bulletpoint fic #my writing #hiker au #gratuitous descriptions of hiker life #found family #this is like 3.5k idk man #this is very self indulgent lol

[fangirling-throughlife]

So close, and still so far

Word count: 2517 words. 

A/N. This is the first non-academic thing I’ve written in a year or so, so it might not be the best. Inspired by the song So Close by Jon McLaughlin and one of my favourite movie scenes ever, the dancing scene in Enchanted with Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, Idina Menzel and James Marsden. Comments are appreciated!!

“Peter Moore and Ella Lewis invite you to their engagement party, on Saturday 22nd August.”

It shouldn’t be a surprise, as Brian had told him about the engagement, but having the invitation in his hand made his heart stop. Peter and Ella had been a couple, The Couple of their group, ever since their high school senior year. Now that they both had graduated college, it was the logical next step. After all, Ella and Peter complemented each other. She was as organised as he was playful, she was as logical as he was spontaneous. They were the power couple, and they were so absolutely right for each other that it made no sense to avoid the unavoidable.

Still, Shawn’s mouth went dry, and for a moment he seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. His best friend in the world was getting married. The person who knew everything about him, his rock, his muse. The girl he’d written every single song about. The love songs, the heartbreak songs and the hopeful songs. His world revolved around Ella Lewis, and she would never know it did.

As if life were mocking him, he heard his phone ring with the sound of her favourite song, Everything I Do by Bryan Adams. Shawn had to swallow twice before he was sure he’d sound normal.

“Hey there!” he tried to sound as cheerful as possible.

“Hi, Shawnie! I was wondering if you’d got the invitation, because almost everybody replied and you didn’t.” she sounded excited. Of course she did. She had just graduated top of her class, and now she was organising a party to celebrate her engagement to the love of her life.

“Yeah, just got it. I was about to call Andrew to ask if there was any problem with me going.” He lied. He knew that, in the writing process, he was mostly the one who organised his own schedule, so he could free that day without any problem. But he wanted to seem busy, for some stupid reason.

“Uh… Alright, I guess?” He could picture her nibbling her lower lip. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, but couldn’t you try and get the day off? It’s pretty important for us, and all our friends are gonna be there, and…” She was pacing now, he could hear her footsteps down the stairs. He was being cruel, he knew that. But he couldn’t tell her that he’d leave everything just to make her happy. He didn’t have a partner, and music was all he had. She couldn’t know she came first.

“I’ll talk to him, I promise.” He heard her low hum, and the click of a pen. “So, anyways, congratulations! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me though.” A text would’ve been nice, he added mentally. Just so he could prepare himself for the gruesome conversation that they were having.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been busy with some paperwork, and my final project and stuff, so I’ve been a bit out of it. This is honestly the first day I’m fully invested in this, so call yourself lucky that you’ve been the very first person I thought of!” Against his own judgement, his heart sped up, but the little mean voice in his head reminded him that she thought of him while organising her engagement party. He knew he was being ridiculous letting his hopes up.

“Lucky me!” He forced a chuckle. “By the way, congratulations on your graduation. I have no clue what your final project was about but I heard the guys say it was ground-breaking.” He tried to steer away the conversation from the invitation on his table.

“Oh, thanks! It wasn’t that big of a deal, truth to be told. Sheldon Cooper would’ve totally mocked me.” He rolled his eyes. There was no real person to criticise her work, so she went to fictional characters. “By the way, are you bringing a plus one? Camila, perhaps? Haven’t seen her in ages.”  

Hearing her mention Camila felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“Um, I’ll have to get back to you about that. I don’t think she’ll be able to make it, though.”

“Erm… Okay, I guess? I mean, it’s not a big party, or anything. But I wanted to have it…”

“Controlled.” Shawn interrupted her.

“Well, yeah it comes down to that.” She giggled. “Hey, I’ve got to go. Peter’s family is coming over to have lunch, I’ve got to go check on him in the kitchen. Love you!”

“Love you too!” If only she knew how true that was, he sighed as he heard that she’d hung up.

 Ella was a very dedicated person. Whenever she had an interest, or a plan or a goal, she was invested a 100%. Her engagement party was no different. That was the reason why she didn’t reach out to Shawn in the month prior to the party. She spoke to Vanessa, her maid of honour, and to Brian, who would be Peter’s best man, but her interactions with Shawn went no further than a couple of texts to check up on each other every couple days. He seemed busy, he never said much. Honestly, she was busy as well, so she didn’t dwell on it. That went on until three days before the party, at 2 a.m.

She would be lying if she said he woke her up. Her body wasn’t used to her new-found freedom, so she couldn’t sleep until past 2 or 3 in the morning. She spent those late hours, when Peter was already asleep, reading scientific papers, reading books or playing the keyboard. After spending so many late nights working on papers and studying, she felt like her mind was the sharpest when the world was asleep. And, suddenly, after almost a month of silence, Shawn was calling her.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asks. Being friends with Shawn for years, she knew that this could very easily be a breakdown. She closed the door of her study room so she didn’t wake Peter.

“I love you, you know that?” It was very clear that he was drunk. Very drunk.

“Of course I do, Shawnie.” Ella could hear him open a bottle of something, then knocking something over, and taking a big gulp. “Is that why you’re calling me? I’m not mad or anything, I was reading. But… do you know what time it is?”

Her words seemed to get lost and never reach the other side of the line. “You know, Kid in Love is actually about you. And so is Never Be Alone. And Imagination.” She was startled. She knew he had a crush on someone in their friend group, but she never imagined it was her.

“So… It was me you had a crush on in junior year?”

“And so are Because I Had You, and If I Can’t Have You, and Mercy…” He lost track of his own train of thought, because he went silent.

“Are you really saying you’re in love with me, Shawn?” Those words were difficult to speak out. He couldn’t do that to her.

“Do you remember when I was just the Vine kid and we were sitting in my room looking for a song to cover? And we kinda jammed to Everything I Do? I tried to tell you then. And when I got drunk for the first time because of just one beer and I kissed you? You started dating Peter a week later and I brushed it off.” Every word Shawn said felt like a dagger directed to her heart. Tears were threatening to fall, and she let out a silent sob. “It has always been you. You're with somebody I can't be. But I can tell that you're happy.” He started singing. “I know you and Peter are a perfect match, don’t worry. But I needed to get this out of my system, you know?”

At that point, she couldn’t hide the fact that she was crying. And Shawn heard her ragged breathing, which seemed to sober him up.

“Oh, El. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, very deeply sorry.” He started crying as well. “I’m such an idiot. I’ve kept it to myself for so many years, and I tell you now. I understand if you don’t want to see me ever again, if you hate me now. Oh my god, El. I hate myself so much now.”

As much pain as he was causing her, he was still her Shawn, her younger brother from another mother (by six exact months, she reminded him continuously). She had had a crush on him for a few months, back when he was writing Handwritten. Now she knew that those songs she hoped he wrote for her were actually about her. Knowing it didn’t change anything though. She was wearing Peter’s ring, because she was in love with him, because they balanced each other out. While Ella considered Shawn to be her little brother, Peter was her best friend, her soulmate.

“It’s okay, Shawn. I’m just shocked… Why… why would you keep that from me?”

“I’m so stupid, I was nervous you’d make fun of me and hate me. It’s okay if you do now. I mean, not okay, obviously, but I’d understand.” Another sob escaped his mouth.

“Shawn, I don’t hate you. You’re… you’re like my little brother. I just wish you would’ve told me sooner. I could’ve helped you get over me.” She let out a sad chuckle. “We’ll see if some of my friends from uni is your perfect match at the party, okay?”

Shawn couldn’t believe his luck. He was so drunk he wouldn’t remember any of it in the morning, yet she wasn’t mad at him. Peter could never know what jewel of a person he was marrying. What Shawn didn’t notice was that he was thinking out loud.

“If his words are any pointer to go by, he knows.” This time, her laugh was genuine. “Shawnie, go to bed. Sleep this off. I’ll see you at the party, okay? I… I’ll see you.”

Ella couldn’t bring herself to tell him she loved him. She honestly did, but it felt wrong to say it, now that he’d said he was IN love with her.

She looked at the clock. Half past two. The crying had been very tiresome, so she’d give sleeping a go. She entered the room on her tiptoes, but somehow, Peter sensed her coming in.

“Love… what’s the matter? I’ve heard you crying.” He sounded worried.

She didn’t even give it a second thought. The conversation between Shawn and her would remain private. Peter didn’t need to know. Hell, she wasn’t even sure Shawn would remember in the morning.

“It’s nothing. I was watching kitten videos.” She mentally facepalmed. It was probably the lamest excuse she’d ever given. But Peter just shrugged, patted on the bed and snuggled into her neck as soon as she laid down. “I love you.” Ella whispered. Peter was already sleeping, because he answered with a hum, just one beat too late.

 On the day of the party, everything was perfect. Ella had organised it, so nobody was surprised. Everything, from the pins in her hair till the wine that was served, had been handpicked and controlled. She was a quantum physicist, after all. She liked details and perfection. The guests started to arrive with gifts, and she greeted them all like a perfect hostess. Peter was chatting with his grandmother when she saw a familiar set of curls by the open door. The smile on his face as he approached her could mean two things: he had let go of the whole situation or, most probably, he had forgotten all about it.

“Hey, El. Nice party.” He greeted her with a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, Shawn. Peter’s over there,” she pointed to him “and the rest of the group are somewhere inside. Probably close to the snacks.” She chuckled. “I’ll catch you guys later.” With that, she turned to greet her cousin and her nephew. “Hi! Thanks for coming.”

 Even though Ella enjoyed being the perfect hostess, half an hour later her mouth was so dry she needed a glass of something. When she approached the table, Shawn was pouring himself a glass of white wine. “I’ll have one of those as well, Shawn.” She half asked-half demanded. He nodded, acknowledging her words, and gave her his new glass. It wasn’t until he was done pouring a second glass that he looked at her.

“Look, El. I’m sorry about anything I said last Wednesday. I don’t remember all of it, but I’m pretty sure it included me confessing you my…” Ella quickly cut him off.

“It’s alright. I’ve thought about it and, honestly, I feel sorrier for you, for not being able to help you, than for the situation.” Shawn nodded solemnly.

“So… water under the bridge?” Instead of answering, Ella simply hugged him, and she felt Shawn’s chest relaxing.

Ella closed her eyes, happy that they had finally made amends. Suddenly, she felt Shawn humming a song that sounded familiar. She focused on the music that played softly from the stereo. So Close by Jon McLaughlin. She hadn’t realised that it was still on the playlist. She loved the song, but it didn’t seem suitable for an engagement party.

So close to reaching that famous happy end. Almost believing this one's not pretend. Now you're beside me, and look how far we've come. So far, we are so close.

Just like in the movie, her favourite movie, he whispered the words in her ear. They weren’t dancing though, just merely swaying in place.

Ella felt sorry for Shawn. She didn’t understand how she could have missed the song when she was grooming the playlist to engagement party-appropriate songs. She hoped Shawn didn’t take it to heart. He was still her best friend, and she hoped that nothing would ever change that.

For Shawn, hearing that song, at that exact moment, was bittersweet. Somehow fitting. He was saying goodbye to the love of his life, who considered him a brother, who was marrying the love of her life. He was holding her close; he could pretend for a moment that he was hers. But he knew it was a lie, a hopeful thought. He would always love her; he would always be there for her.

As the final chord of the song died out and something else, much happier, started to sound, they started to become aware of their surroundings again. They let go of each other, and they smiled as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“I love you, Shawnie.” “I love you, El.”

They both walked towards their friends, sharing a secret that nobody knew. Ella’s eyes were gentle, and her laugh was genuine, and nothing had changed between them. And Shawn knew that was the first step to heal. His smile was bright, and he was having fun. Ella decided to let him be. She’d tell him they were moving some other day.

#shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fluff #so close #enchanted #shawn mendes imagine

[bekaraar]

Musicians AU for the AFTG Bingo

Relationships: Kandreil, Kandrew, Kevineil, Andreil

Words: 3631

Warning: past character death

Read on Ao3 here

tea leaves in a guitar

Neil had always wanted to come here. This was Rishikesh in the flesh, majestic Himalayas and the flowing Ganga (Ganges). He took a moment to actually take it all in and made his way to his rented car, contemplating how to thank Stuart for this trip.

Neil knew he wasn’t an easy person to convince. He got it from his mother, so it said something about Stuart’s side of the genes when he managed to convince him to take this trip. It had started with a YouTube video of him playing the keyboard and singing at a shady bar that had gone viral, effectively shutting down any chances he had of continuing to work undercover for the Hartfords. So, he’d agreed, seeing his uncle’s point for letting the hype about the video die down. His uncle had also made the point about the music of Rishikesh and he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t what actually convinced him to go.

And as he looked at the road winding up the steep mountain, he finally understood what exactly made the Beatles come here.

Kevin Day wanted to form a band for a very long time. He had always been in one, but it was never his band per se. It was Riko’s or the Moriyama’s. Never his. For once in his life, Kevin wanted a band that was his.

That had been until he met Andrew Minyard, drugged to the deepest depths of hell (because somehow the word ‘high’ never really seemed to fit. The drugs dragged one down). It was rocky at first, but he got through to him.

It was using something Riko always said.

Everyone wants something.

So, he found out what Andrew want (a reason to live) and instead of taking advantage of him for that, he had worked to giving him that. And along the way, they may have realized they meant more to each other than wanted to admit, and it had taken three attempts and stilted half conversations before Kevin just decided to kiss Andrew (after asking for his explicit permission, of course). It had speeded things up considerably.

They just needed one more person. And Rishikesh was the place he intended to find one.

*

Determination, Andrew mused, was a good look on Kevin. He looked regal, as he walked into the hotel. Kevin Day had a purpose, and he would not leave without fulfilling it.

Andrew could do this now, the open stares and layered glances. It was allowed, without repercussions, because Kevin was his own person now, and wanted to come out. Andrew knew better that everyone how taxing a secret could be.

He had kept his end of the deal and Kevin had kept his. He had made that fact explicitly clear to Kevin after his first week sober. He had let him know that their this, was his purpose now, even though the drums couldn’t be for him what the guitar was for Kevin.

Kevin had just looked at him with a watery smile and said, “I know.”

So, here he was, with his boyfriend (it still gave him a thrill, even after a year), on the hunt for a musician, while also relaxing and teaching. He couldn’t say he hated the idea of it, but he didn’t particularly like the details either.

Nothing good comes without the bad, anyway.

He took a deep breath and followed Kevin into the ashram.

This, he thought, was trust.

*

Neil walked into the ashram, and almost immediately wanted to walk out. It wasn’t like he didn't expect something to go wrong, but this was still hilariously unexpected. Just the kind of joke the universe liked to play on him. So, he took a deep breath and walked in.

It is a small place, with something akin to a middle range hotel rooms on the top floor. The floor downstairs is for common meals, shows, and socialization and chai.

He takes comfort in the familiar lettering of Hindi on the board. India had been one of the best trips in his memory, having grown up here for a certain time.

He used it to distract himself from what he knew he was avoiding: the fact that Kevin fucking Day was here.

If the universe wanted anything to happen, it would make it.

He took comfort in the small things.

Neil made his way up to his room and surveyed it.

It had been years since he’d had such an attachment to his bag, but something in him prickled all the same at leaving it unsupervised.

He swallowed his inhibitions and left his bag in the room, making his way downstairs to what he knew would be a meet and greet before the actual yoga and music sessions started the next day.

*

Andrew didn’t really want to be there, but Kevin did, and he was, as Aaron would say, whipped.

He followed Kevin downstairs, looking for someone to talk to, as Kevin got swept up by the large variety of people looking to talk to the famous Kevin Day.

(There it was. That trust again.)

Interesting people, Andrew thinks, are both rare to find and ridiculously relevant to his mood.

It is a tough and laborious thing to be both hot and captivating. Kevin does it unknowingly. Andrew hates it. And him.

He mad his way to the drinks table, and since there was no alcohol anyway, he entertained himself by trying to mix some of the most ridiculously colored ones.

He could have sworn he felt a gaze burning a crater on the back of his head, and when he looked, he found icy eyes ices and face framed by flames.

*

Neil did not want to run into Kevin Day or Andrew Minyard.

Of course, the universe (or whatever fucked up being controlled it) didn’t listen to Neil. Ever.

Neil knew he had a conversation with Kevin that was long overdue, but he had intended to avoid Andrew at all costs, a plan that went flying out the window as soon as Andrew decided to walk over to him with a challenge in his eyes.

*

Kevin could hide pretty much everything behind his press façade, but seeing Nathaniel here was something took him enough by surprise that he had take a moment to gather his thoughts in a bathroom, for fuck’s sake.

So, he excused himself, and went over to Nathaniel, only to find him looking at Andrew with very challenge that he used to look at Kevin with. The one that Kevin knew meant that Nathaniel found Andrew worth his time. Which was saying something. He smiled and went over to Andrew.

(He almost didn't want to interrupt their conversation. It reminded him too much of another person, another life.)

“You know,” he said, making direct eye contact with Nathaniel, “I have to agree with Andrew. Tea is truly despicable.”

*

Neil stared at Kevin, who calmly stared back and he knew that Kevin saw the exact moment he decided not to run because he saw it in the soft smile he had spent years trying to forget.

So he looked Kevin in the eye and said, “Is that so?”

*

One of Andrew’s favourite pastimes was riling up people, and his favourite person to tease was Kevin with his pretty lips that he would purse just so when Andrew told him that he was “obsessed” and that cute horrible -really he hates it- nose that he scrunches up when he’s concentrating and Andrew pokes him in his ribs.

Really, he’s Andrew’s favourite, but Neil might be the second.

It’s entertaining (or as close as anything is going to get) to see him twist that perfect mouth that Andrew can imagine doing so many other things-

He takes a breath and looks at Neil, who is now having a very energetic conversation of the merits and demerits of tea and coffee respectively and if Andrew hadn’t spent so long convincing Neil he hated tea, he might even team up with him here but Andrew was nothing if not outrageously dedicated.

Andrew exhales softly and apologizes to Bee and to tea as a whole, as he says:

“I agree with Kevin. Tea… is man’s worst invention.”

It was a blessing that Neil was looking at him right then because Andrew saw Kevin choke on air as he heard what Andrew said next.

“So, why don’t you try to convince us to like tea?”

Neil smirked and met his challenge head on.

“Prepare to lose.”

He gave them one last cursory glance as he walked away.

“I thought you loved tea?”

“I do,” Andrew says, smiling softly, as he and Kevin make their way up to their room.

Kevin huffs in amusement and Andrew smiles as he pulls him down for a kiss.

“You seem to know him.”

Andrew watches Kevin sigh and run a hand through his hair.

“He’s Nathaniel.”

Oh.

*

Neil had made his getaway nicely, but the complete shock of Kevin deciding not to confront him right there still stayed. He knew he was just putting off the inevitable, but he decided not to speak of it till Kevin did.

He just hoped Kevin still shied away from the truth how much he did in the Nest.

Neil distracted himself by planning to introduce those imbeciles to the delights of tea, even if he had to sweeten it enough to choke the devil. Neil smiled as he took two packets of tea from his suitcase, his favourites. But for Andrew, he had a different flavour in mind.

Chocolate tea.

Neil hated it. With every fibre of his being. He’d rather drink hot chocolate if he had to introduce his body to the sickly-sweet concoction, but that was exactly why Andrew would love it.

Minyard had no clue what was coming at him.

As for Kevin, Neil had given up on his liking tea long ago but he had one last angle to give this.

Kale-honey tea.

(for his voice)

Neil loved his voice. It was just the perfect balance of rough and caressing, deep enough to envelope him just so.

It also matched perfectly with his own voice. Neil missed all of it. The last two years they had shared before Riko’s suicide. And then Kevin had left. Neil had pushed him away after that.

Maybe now was the time to forgive.

Neil sighed.

He wanted to kiss Kevin senseless, slowly and wanted to be kissed by Andrew.

He made himself a warm cup of chamomile tea and watched the distant mountains as the wind caressed him softly.

If he heard someone playing the song he and Kevin had composed, he wasn’t surprised.

*

Kevin looked at Andrew as he realized just how fucked they were.

“So, that’s Nathaniel.”

Kevin nodded

“Wow,” Andrew’s treacherous mouth said, “You didn’t tell me he’s so hot.”

Kevin shook his head and rubbed his neck.

“I expected him to hate me.”

“Kevin. Look at me.”

Kevin did, almost irritated.

“You left Jean and him for a good reason. Sometimes, you can’t save everyone you want to.”

“I know. It’s just,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “Jean was his partner.”

Andrew held Kevin close as he cried.

*

Neil studiously avoided Kevin and Andrew all through the morning and tried his best at lunch, which turned out be a little hard considering the fact that there was two of them and one of him. Finally he acquiesced, and turned to look at what turned out to be only Kevin.

“Yes?” he asked testily.

Kevin swallowed inconspicuously and met Neil’s gaze.

“Why don’t you hate me?”

“Why do you think I don’t hate you?”

Understanding dawned in Kevin’s eyes.

“You think it was my fault.”

“Well,” Neil said, raising his voice just a little bit “Whose fault was it? Jean’s?”

“No, I-”

“You don’t get to apologize! Your apologies won’t make him any less dead! Riko may have killed him, Kevin, but it was you who handed him the knife.”

*

Kevin stepped back as if he’d been slapped.

“Neil, listen-”

“No.”

Kevin stepped aside to let him go. As he stared at Neil’s retreating form, he felt a suffocating hopelessness course through him.

Andrew came up to him, and placed an arm around his waist and led him up to their room, but Kevin didn’t wasn’t any of that right now.

“Hold the fuck up, Neil.”

Neil turned to look at him and opened his mouth to give him a piece of his mind but Kevin stalked over before he could.

“Do you even know why I left? You think a stupid injury could push me to leave?” Kevin laughed, twistedly, and it sent shivers up Neil’s spine.

“You know, he saw us. All the time, when we thought we were safe? He saw us. He saw me with you. You with Jean. Jean with me. He took advantage of it.”

Kevin took a deep breath in.

“He knew I’d do anything for you both.”

Finally, Neil understood.

“He broke your hand out of jealousy.”

Kevin nodded.

“And I left so that I could get you out.”

“But you didn’t realize to what extent his anger ran.”

“No,” Kevin sighed. “I didn’t.”

It sounded a lot like defeat.

*

Neil stared at Kevin.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Kevin stared flatly at him.

“Because you disappeared off the face of the fucking earth.”

*

Neil sighed as he stared at Kevin.

“I never really blamed you anyway.”

“You what.”

Neil sighed again

“I’m sorry. I just- You know we had something right -”

“Uh.”

“What?”

“See, I’m dating Andrew-”

“Oh,” Neil said.

“Yeah,” Kevin says.

Neil looks away, slowly.

“The challenge is still on, though?”

“Oh, yeah,” Neil says, the glint returning to his eye.

*

Andrew needed to hide his favourite teas from Neil. He knew it wouldn’t be long till he figured it out, and he did not want to take that chance.

He had discovered exactly eight packets of chocolate tea scattered in his and Kevin’s baggage and devised increasingly ridiculous places to hide them, much to Kevin’s amusement and disgust.

“We have no clue how long that’s been there, Drew,” he said regarding the small box of coffee Andrew found behind the cupboards.

Andrew just smiled as he transferred the coffee powder to a jar and emptied a packet of tea into the coffee box.

(If he hid a packet in Kevin’s guitar, no one had to know.)

*

The more that Neil thought about it (and he thought quite a lot) it seemed extremely unlikely that Andrew actually hated tea. It even seemed impossible.

If anything, Neil knew Kevin as well as he knew himself (better even, the Nest wasn’t the best) and he knew Kevin absolutely loathed tea (something about Irish coffee) and it seemed obvious that Andrew was just the contrary kind of person to develop a taste for it just to annoy Kevin. It’s something Neil would do if Stuart hadn’t already conditioned him to liking tea. So, the obvious conclusion was this: Andrew was clearly lying. Now Neil just needed to confront him.

*

Kevin was trying to bake his sorrows along with the cookies that he was trying not to burn when there was a knock at the door of their room.

He opens it and Neil walks in looking around, as if it was his room.

Kevin raises both his eyebrows, and with all the judgement he can muster, says, “Excuse you?”

Neil looks at him with an air of Oh my god, can you believe this idiot , and says,“I know Andrew hates tea.”

Kein grins like Neil just gave him three kittens.

“You just won me twenty dollars.”

Neil stares at him like a grumpy cat and Kevin is realizes just how well he knows Neil.

“Andrew and I bet over how long it’d take you to come down here.”

Neil continues staring at him.

“Andrew bet till you’d last till the evening and I said you wouldn’t wait till then.”

Neil breaks out into  a grin as he stares up at Kevin.

Kevin takes a deep breath.

I want to kiss you, he wants to say, but doesn’t.

It had taken ages for his thing with Andrew to make sense and he didn’t want to ruin it now.

He offers Neil some cookies when he leaves.

*

Andrew wakes up more tired than when he slept.

He walks out and sees Kevin surrounded by approximately eight batches of cookies. Andrew does enjoy his baking, but he also enjoys a working body.

He walks over to kevin, who is looking out the window mournfully.

“Neil?” Andrew asks Kevin and he looks over at him with the same mournful face he had been regarding the teas with.

“I wanted to kiss him,” Kevin said honestly, and Andrew looked at him almost amusedly.

“What if even I wanted to?”

Kevin’s eyes widened and he choked on his own spit.

“What the fuck?”

Andrew continued looking at him with a slight smile on his lips.

“Answer me.”

“I’d be fine with that,” Kevin replied, confused, “Only if I can too.”

Andrew smiled fully and pulled Kevin down for a kiss.

He couldn’t wait for Neil to come over.

*

This was their last evening free before the performances and enrichments started. Enrichments, Neil thought with scorn. Too much of a pride to call the classes.

He sat back in his chair with a book, a fictitious one of no great value, but it was enthralling just the same. He still had an hour to meet Kevin and Andrew, and he was unable to concentrate.

It seemed weird to him, the fact that Andrew was blatantly flirting wit him, yet Kevin seemed almost hesitant to make a move when he so clearly wanted to. Something he knew Neil wanted too. Andrew, Neil felt, was the unknown in the equation, the unforeseen. Neil would never have seen himself falling in love with someone whose personality could only be described and ‘whimsical’ and ‘cat like’.

There was also the fact to consider that he was five feet and dating Kevin Day.

He sighed, and then sighed again at the fact that he seemed to be sighing a lot these past few days.

He got up and put away his book. If wasn’t able to concentrate on anything else, he’d rather concentrate on the tea dilemma, as he liked to call it.

It was now clarified that Andrew loves tea. Neil just needed evidence.

*

Neil would be lying if he said that he missed the thrill of the undercover jobs that he did for Stuart, but this, he thought was taking it too far. He was hanging over a busy street  and his only anchor, was the narrow windowsill of windows that were almost a feet apart. He just had to make across five to reach Kevin and Andrew’s room.

He allowed himself a moment’s relaxation before moving.

*

Andrew realized that seeing his boyfriend’s ex who they were both not over yet snooping in their kitchen should have set Andrew’s alarm bells on fire, but the only thing his brain could come up with was hot damn, and honestly, that was not helpful.

Judging by the way Kevin was looking over at Neil, he probably felt the same.

Not helpful at all.

*

Usually, Neil thought, getting caught would mean death, but this time, getting caught meant embarrassment.

Exclaiming “Ah hah!” while holding a box of tea leaves (it was chocolate!!!) was not quite the impression that he wanted to make, but what was done was done, so he improvised.

“I found your tea!”

In retrospect, saying that with the same tone a diabolical villain would use was also not a good idea, but neither Kevin nor Andrew seemed to think so.

*

Andrew looked at Neil, enamoured.

“Fuck,” he heard himself saying, “Can I kiss you?”

He saw Neil eyes get wide and a blush creep up his neck in the prettiest way possible before he covered the distance and did what he had been waiting to do for years days.

He kissed Neil.

Much to Kevin’s chagrin. They were so hot, it was unfair, his brain thought and he could only hope he hadn’t said that aloud.

*

Later that night, Neil lay on the couch, next to Kevin, hugging him, as Kevin slowly told him about the last three months he spent with Jean before it all went to shit.

Andrew was inside, on their bed, furiously typing away at something that he refused to share with any of them. Neil walked over to him and sat down next to him. He was still not as comfortable with Andrew as he was with Kevin, which was understandable.

Talking to Kevin had been like falling back into a routine he didn’t know he missed so much. It was natural, happy, and though there was always going to be that grief that came with everything they’d fought and everyone they’d loved and lost along the way, they were here now and they were going to make it.

“So,” Andrew said, not looking up, “Where’d you find the tea?”

Neil laughed at looked at him softly.

“In your guitar. And speaking of which, I won our little competition.”

“Oh,” Andrew said looking up in interest, “Would you like a prize?”

Neil laughed, then sobered up.

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe I do.”

Kevin came and sat down next to them on the bed.

“What a about our band?” he suggested. “We need a back up vocalist, someone good on the keyboard, and you fit the bill.”

Neil looked at them incredulously, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“What do you want to name it?”

Andrew looked between them, eyes sharp.

“Tea leaves in a guitar.”

#aftgbingo #2020 #aftg bingo #kevin day #andrew minyard #neil josten #kandreil #kevineil #kandrew #andreil #aftg #the foxhole court #tfc #tkm #trk #all for the game #fanfic #jay speaks #musician au

[knox-knocks]

Knox pls....I hope you can write a part 2 to that fic you wrote based on the “things you said when drunk” prompt pls I’m dying I miss your writing ♥️

thank you so much!!! this is pretty late, but i’ve finally written a sequel! i hope you enjoy :)

read on ao3

Laying on his back, his arms spread wide and legs propped up against the uneven tiling that paved the roof, Andrew thought that he could swallow the stars whole. They were bright that night, thousands of tiny pinpricks of light dotting the gusty indigo expanse of sky. It all felt larger than him, solar systems and galaxies thousands of years removed from everything else.

For a moment, Andrew felt his mind clear. For a moment, he wasn’t thinking about college or Exy or his so-called future.

For a moment, Andrew wondered if he could be perfectly happy up there with them, distant but apart of something larger than himself. A constellation, a solar system. A whole goddamn galaxy of stars.

The scuff of a shoe against pavement pulled Andrew back to the ground. He was instantly aware of the roof tiles under his back and his knuckles rubbing against their scratchy surface and the countdown before he had to leave.

“You don’t have to climb on the roof to look at the stars, you know.”

Andrew lifted his head at Neil’s voice. He sat up, blood rushing to his head, and peered down at him. Neil stood in the driveway with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his threadbare jeans, head tilted back and lips curled in the slightest smile.

“Can I come up?” Neil called up.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Andrew replied.

Neil’s smile widened as he ducked out of sight. Andrew heard him knock and the door opened, throwing a blade of orange light across the darkened lawn. Nicky’s delighted voice wafted up, insisting Neil could just come in, that this was his home too. The door closed as Nicky ushered him in, and the light disappeared, turning the world once again to its blues and dark greens of nighttime.

Despite himself, Andrew felt nervous. He wondered if Neil had come to regret asking Andrew to kiss him once he sobered up, or that maybe Neil really wasn’t into Andrew at all now that his head was clear from the alcohol that they had drunk. It was still warm, despite the sun having already set, but Andrew felt chilled at the thought.

The window opened behind him and Neil climbed out. He sat next to Andrew and dangled his legs off the roof in a way Andrew never could without feeling sick from the height.

“I got grounded for stealing the wine,” Neil said, unconcerned. “But I don’t think Uncle Stuart was all that mad. Honestly, I think he just didn’t know what else to do.”

Andrew felt himself relax. He and Neil seemed to pick up exactly where they left off when they parted two days ago, and all the tension bled away. He wasn’t worried anymore. He felt as he always did sitting next to his best friend.

“Couldn’t have been that bad if he let you come over,” Andrew said tilting his head towards him.

“I don’t think he knows what a grounding actually is.” Neil shrugged. “Whatever. As long as I’m back before curfew, I’ll be fine.”

“You’re always fine.”

“Exactly.”

Neil grinned, and Andrew’s stomach twisted and flopped over itself. He was intently aware of how alone they were; Aaron and Nicky were inside and no one else was out on the street. They’d been crammed up on this ledge more times than Andrew could count, but only this moment did Andrew realize how little space was left between them. Andrew distantly thought that he should feel claustrophobic, but all he wanted to do was move closer to Neil, not away.

“Remember when you said you more than liked me?” Neil began. He wasn’t looking at Andrew anymore. Instead, his chin dipped to his chest while he stared at his hands grasped tightly in his lap. Andrew wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light, but Neil’s cheeks had taken on a rosy glow of pink. “Well, I more than like you, too.”

Taking a quick, steadying breath, Andrew lightly touched Neil’s cheek so he was facing him again. Neil’s eyes widened a tiniest bit, his gaze dipping to Andrew’s lips. Affecting his best Neil-imitation, Andrew said, “Then you should do something about it.”

That startled a surprised laugh out of Neil. “I guess I deserved that.”

“You really did.”

“You know,” Neil said, “you never actually answered my question.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “I distinctly remember telling you to ask again later.”

Neil’s expression softened. The usual iciness in his eyes melted to a pretty summer blue and his lips parted on the smallest inhale. “Can I kiss you? Yes or – ”

“Yes,” Andrew interrupted and kissed him quiet.

Andrew had imagined kissing Neil, of his lips against Neil’s and his hand curled around Neil’s jaw and Neil’s hands in his hair for so long now that a part of him never thought it would actually happen.

But this kiss changed everything. Andrew felt everything. His hand rested on the side of Neil’s neck, Neil’s pulse drumming an erratic beat against his thumb, and Andrew kissed him. Neil’s hand clenched in Andrew’s t-shirt, not to hold him still but just to cling on to, and Andrew kissed him. Andrew’s heart was going to leap out of his chest, Neil’s hands moved to cup his face, and Andrew kissed him.

Andrew was the first to move back but he didn’t go far. He kept his hands where they were, one on Neil’s cheek and the other around the back of his neck, and tried to get his breathing under control.

“Wow,” Neil whispered. Andrew snorted and pushed his face away.

“Wow,” he mocked. Neil rolled his eyes but his lips twitched until he lost the battle completely and laughed. Andrew felt a small smile of his own but he hid it with the back of his fist before he was able to rein it in.

Watching Neil, his hair mussed and lips red, it suddenly didn’t matter that he was moving two hours away in a couple weeks. He still had a home here, and he still had Neil. Andrew thought he could manage with that.

“You’ll visit, right?” Neil asked.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Andrew replied again. Neil’s eyes crinkled with that quiet happiness and Andrew knew everything would be okay.

–

Andrew’s bedroom door was propped open when Nicky went to check on him and Neil. He knocked on it before poking his head in, but found the room was empty and both boys were sitting on the ledge outside the window.

He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Nicky noticed that Neil’s shoulder was pressed to Andrew’s when he threw his head back and laughed. He had heard Neil’s laugh before, quiet huffs of air or sarcastic snorts, but never like this, never a full-body roar. In turn, Andrew looked completely at ease, his head knocking against Neil’s as he said something else.

It was then that Nicky noticed Andrew and Neil’s hands clasped together. His cousin looked happy and calm, more than Nicky had ever seen him before in the entire two years he’s known him. It was everything he’s wanted for Andrew, and Nicky was glad Andrew had found his own happiness at last.

Smiling softly, Nicky quietly closed the bedroom door behind him and let them be.

#aftg #tfc #all for the game #the foxhole court #andreil #last fic of the year (and the decade!)

[danniburgh]

meant to be

honestly just a way to cope, it's just a drabble I shared with my friends, no real structure or nice narrative, time skips are really my thing

March 17th, 2007

there's you: a 17 year old exchange student in Royal college in London, you have two friends and roommates, Ezra, who is french, and Jen, who is Irish, it's noon, the three of you are getting drunk in the dorm you share and Jen wants to do something for St Patrick's, because she's Irish and because she was forced to also celebrate things for your traditional patriotic festivities (you're not British or Irish), Ezra and you laugh it off but Jen convinces the two of you to sober up, grab your car and drive all the way from London to Liverpool to then grab a ferry to Dublin.

almost an entire day later you arrive and in your avid need of party and celebration (also booze) you go to a few bars, Jen assures you that nobody will ask for your id because it's national day of getting drunk and you binge drink for a while.

the three of you go to a little bar on the end of a little street and get weirded out because it had like six dudes siting on a table and nothing else, the dudes notice you and let you in and they make you sit with them and then you realize it's a birthday party, and the birthday boy is just sitting there like trying to hide, you do shots with them and Ezra tries to teach the birthday boy to drink whiskey until you stop him and to avoid Ezra near the guy you sit next to him, you start small talking because that's what you do when you're drunk and you two start speaking about music, movies, the weirdness of the new decade, your backgrounds, and the fact that there's a language you know but as you were very drunk you've forgotten, he wants to smoke outside and you go with him, not because you also smoke but because you like the company, you laugh outside at the guys on the street that are also drunk and then he asks you, very very stuttery to kiss you, you accept and you make out a bit, at this moment hours had passed and Jen realises you've been awake for a full day, so she tries to sober up a little and drag Ezra and you to the car so she can drive to her cousin's house where you're gonna stay until you can drive back to London. you had the chance to say goodbye to the birthday boy, one of his friends even took a picture, but when you were on your way from Liverpool to London you realized you didn't ask for his number, and neither gave him yours.

April, 2014

there's you again: driving your car in some road in London, where you stayed, because when you were 19 you wrote a teen adult novel that sold really well and people wanted more, so you became a writer and life passed by fast, you turn on the radio and there's this show you never listen on BBC radio but for a weird impulse you don't change stations, the host of the show is introducing this new artist who had come all the way from Dublin with a hit song and a debut album coming, you listen to the voice introducing itself and involuntarily smile, because it's soft and nice and it reminds you of something, you keep listening to the interview and then the host asks him for the most random and cool thing that has happened to him before his song became a chart favourite: the guy starts laughing a little and starts telling about his seventeenth birthday party, he told how his brother made him and his friends go to a bar in the middle of Dublin and how he wasn't really enjoying it until a random trio of teens crashed at it and started lifting up the party, he told how back then he thought they were just lost because it was st Patrick's day but how by the time they were gone he was thankful because he felt better about life. you were speechless, completely astonished and out of breath, you tried to reassure yourself because of much of a fucking coincidence would that be. so you parked the car on the side of the road and took your phone out, waited for the host of the show to give out the number and then dialed it. you felt completely crazy but it was because after all those years you never stopped thinking about that tall Irish kid with the wavy hair and the glasses and the nice voice and the beautiful eyes, you couldn't believe he was now some kind of amazing singer and the odds of you finding him were quite short, but you still dialed the number. somebody picked up and the first thing you said was: i was one of the three teens that crashed Hozier's seventeenth birthday party

your call never went on the air, but by some sort of luck, they kept you until the interview was done, the person on the phone first put you with the interviewer, he asked you some details about the thing and then Hozier wanted to speak to you, he said hi, and you said hi, then you both went silent for a minute.

–my name is Andrew

—I imagined a more Irish name –you said, he chuckled

—were you listening? –he asked

—yeah, I never listen to this show but idunno, something made me keep listening

—I'm glad –he responded, you smiled widely and then you said something you didn't know how else to say

—you wanna meet up?

and he said yes, the two of you arranged a meeting, something that you didn't want to call a date, but felt like it.

you went, he asked for it to be at his own hotels bar, mostly because he didn't had much time, you arrived quite early and got a table, a few minutes later he was there, you saw him: obviously older, a little bit taller, his hair was beautifully longer, his body skinnier, his eyes were still gorgeous but wiser, he said hi and his voice was even more soothing than the last time, he sat and you smiled, he was still shy.

you started talking as if you never stopped, at some point he pulled out his phone and showed you a photo, there was you and him in the middle, he hugging your seventeen year old self with one arms, Ezra talking with his brother in the background and Jen's hand on the edge, you laughed so hard at both of your face expressions and then he invited you to one of his gigs the next day, so you could listen to his music and spend a little more time with him, as he was then headed overseas to start a tour for a few months, you said yes, you completely wanted to spend time with him, you liked him, you really did.

before you two had to say goodbye again, he told you he wanted to be with you, he asked you for a kiss and then asked you for your number, he assured you this time the goodbye was just for a few months

December, 2014

—did you miss me? –you heard a voice behind you, you turned and saw him, a little tanned but still him, after months of only speaking to him over the phone, you had him again, at least for a couple of weeks.

that time you spent almost every second together, he introduced you to his parents and his dog and his close friends, he told you about him wanting to get a place of his own and you told him about your book, you felt right next to him, you felt completely right.

May, 2019

—happy anniversary –he said, handing you a little box, you smiled at him, made him bend over a little to kiss him and opened the box, it was a ring, you looked at him and he smiled at you, nervous, anxious, happy

—honestly, took you long enough –you said, he laughed and grabbed the box to put the ring on your finger

—not so long, only five years

April, 2020

you opened your eyes, you felt a little light headed, you sat on the bed and found it empty, for a moment you felt sad until you looked directly in front of your bed, there was your bride gown, it's finally your wedding, after almost another year of planing and after six years from the two of you encountering again, and after thirteen years of your first kiss, you were finally marrying the love of your life. and it felt completely right.

#hozier imagine #hozier fanfic #hozier tag #andrew hozier byrne #hozier #hozier post #hozier fandom #hozier x reader #im sorry #i had this idea for so long #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[michaelmyersmalewife]

LEVIATHAN | 14. The Coronation | MASTERLIST

words: 5k+

A/N: early chapter update because some family business came up so i'll be pretty busy for all of friday; with that aside, i cant believe we're already at this point,,,it all went by so fast and i cant wait to share the ending with you next monday !!

you can also support this fic on wattpad & ao3

Madison watched as her parents began to repair the ORCA.

It had been a long time since they had been together, and even longer since they had worked for a common purpose. It was weird, seeing them like this. It reminded her of how it was before - before they lost Andrew, when her father was sober, and before her mother lost touch with reality. They were becoming almost completely in sync, both working like crazy but somehow not getting in each other's way.

"You sure about this?" her mom asked.

"It's the only way to save him," her dad replied. "We fix it, get on the Osprey, and draw that thing away from Godzilla. Buy him time to get back on his feet."

Her dad connected a wire only to be met with a sharp snap of electricity. The ORCA's cracked screen flickered on for a second before turning back off. He cursed, looking at the device's inner workings with a confused gaze.

"Well this is new."

"I, uh, made a few changes while you were gone."

The Regulator, impatient, pushed her way through them, hands flying to work on the ORCA.

"Could you patch that cable there?" she said, eyes not leaving the jumbled mess of machinery as her mother joined her.

"And who are you?" her dad asked incredulously.

"That's not importa - no, the red one not the white!"

"Okay, okay!"

"You sure this thing is gonna work?" one of the Monarch soldiers asked.

No one bothered to answer. In fact, they were so caught up in their work that they probably hadn't even heard him. Her mother held up a piece of wire for the Regulator to solder, and Emma's hands flew straight for it like a machine.

"If you replace this five-pin, I can reset the transmitter and everything should work as normally as possible." the Regulator said.

No one had a chance to say anything in response before the ground began shaking again.

Behind them, Ghidorah was already on top of Godzilla, his heads snaking around his body. The heads at his side wrapped around him like coils while the center head bit into his neck. The other two followed suit, and with every bite Godzilla's glow grew weaker while Ghidorah's wounds closed up before vanishing completely. That was when Madison saw Ghidorah lift him up, and she could literally see the dragon absorbing the titan's life, Godzilla's internal fire glowing down all three of his throats. Godzilla let out a terrible, mournful cry. He was dying.

Hold on, big guy, she thought.

"Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast." Jodie said in a fearful tone.

"Are you good to go?" her dad asked.

The Regulator nodded. She set the solder, her mother sparked it, and her father flipped the switch.

"That's it!" he said, relief in his voice. "That's it."

Overhead, an Osprey descended toward them, floodlights illuminating the wreckage they stood amongst.

Her mom turned to her, gently holding her head in her hands and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Madison wasn't sure how to feel about the sudden act of affection, but there was too much that needed to be said, and there wasn't time for all of it.

"I love you, Maddie," her mother said. "I'm sorry."

All of the hurt, her feelings of betrayal, felt like a knot in Madison's stomach. A single sorry couldn't undo all that had been done, but it felt a little better now. It was a start.

"I love you too." she replied.

Madison knew that it was never going to be the same again. She could never go back to that kid who thought her mother had it all together, knew everything, understood what was best for everyone. No more than she thought of her father as perfect. But that was for the best, right? To finally live in reality and not some idealistic world she had created for herself.

The Osprey touched down, almost immediately her father ushered her toward it. Shortly after, Jodie and the two Monarch soldiers carried the wounded third aboard the rescue craft. Her mother held back, joining the Regulator in fiddling with the ORCA.

"C'mon, Emma, let's go!" her father shouted.

"Take her!" she yelled back, still messing with the controls. "I still have to activate it."

Her father gave her a skeptical look.

"I'm right behind you, just go!" she insisted before turning to the Regulator, the taller woman firmly grasping her wrist.

"Mom?" Madison called after her.

Before she could realize what was happening, Madison felt herself being lifted in her father's arms, suddenly finding herself coming closer to the Osprey. Over his shoulder, she saw her mom and the Regulator activate the ORCA, its heartbeat starting once again.

"Mom!"

That was when she saw the Regulator give her mother a strange look, shaking her head so lightly that Madison hardly noticed it. She mouthed something to her mother before finally she let go of the ORCA, taking a few hesitant steps backward before running toward the Osprey. Madison felt her mother's hand press itself against her back, fingers squeezing the fabric of her jacket.

In the distance, she heard a shriek. One by one Ghidorah's heads detached themselves from Godzilla, dropping his limp body to the ground and swung around, searching for the source of the sound they had come to hate. The only remaining threat to his rule.

Elena froze mid-step, just as she was about to board the Osprey.

All three of the monster's heads were trained on them, and with a terrible speed that shook the ground, he knocked down everything that was stopping him from getting to the ORCA. While they had managed to buy time for Godzilla, they were starting to run out of time themselves. Elena had already been face-to-face with this thing enough times to know that she didn't want to be in that position again. Ever. But while every inch of her body told her to run and hide, she felt nothing but hatred for the creature. Hatred and rage.

Fight it, she thought, thinking of Godzilla even though she knew there was no way for him to hear her. Madison believes in you, and goddammit so do I.

But that was when Ghidorah began to gallop, leaving buildings as nothing but piles of rubble.

"Maddie, thank god." she heard a woman with short black hair say as she lead them aboard the Osprey.

A white-haired man with glasses herded them inside before giving the pilot a thumbs-up. As they each buckled down, Elena almost did a double-take as a woman with long black hair pulled aside in a braid sat across from her, right next to the short-haired woman. They looked exactly alike, and they even seemed to mimic each other's movements. Looking around, taking a mental head count, Elena's brows furrowed.

One of them was missing. It didn't take long for her to realize it was the Regulator. Had she been left behind during the rush to be rescued?

"Hold on!" she yelled to the pilot.

Unbuckling herself, she moved to the front of the Osprey. Out of its doors, she saw that Ghidorah's pace was only quickening, more full of rage than ever. Elena's skin began to prickle.

"We gotta lift off, now." a woman in a military uniform responded. If Elena was remembering right, she wore the marks of a colonel.

The pilot obeyed the order from their superior, and the Osprey began to rise. But the Regulator still wasn't on board. Elena moved over to the door, reaching her arms out so that she could pull her up when she got there. She still wasn't moving, glued to the ORCA's side.

"Just grab it!" she yelled over the Osprey's whirring.

It was then that the Regulator's eyes met hers, and as she glanced back at the dragon barreling toward them, maws gaping and ready to tear the Osprey asunder - with them inside it - Elena had made a brutal realization.

If they stopped their lift-off to wait for her to get on board, none of them were going to make it. Even if they managed to get just a few yards off the ground, it wouldn't even matter if the ORCA was on board. Ghidorah would follow its sound wherever it went, and Elena knew that he was faster than their sorry little Osprey.

And if the ORCA was turned off, he'd follow them anyway - or rather, he'd follow her and Madison. And then he would return to finish off Godzilla.

She saw the Regulator's lips form words, she saw the smallest of smiles appear on her face. Sad and serene all at once.

Elena understood.

Walking away from the slowly closing door, she watched as the Regulator stepped into the jeep that Madison's parents had arrived in. As she drove away into the ruins of Boston, the Osprey rose higher. And as she suspected, Ghidorah turned to follow her, seemingly forgetting about the Osprey altogether.

Give him hell, she thought.

Sitting back down, Madison turned to her.

"Is she..?"

"She's setting things right."

_____

"It's alright," she said, knowing they couldn't possibly hear it over the sound of the Osprey and Ghidorah's stampede. "Just let me have this."

For so long, she had kept her feelings locked away where they could never interfere. Follow orders or be discarded. That was her life, the only life she was allowed to know. But standing in the ruins of the human city, it all came back to her with a frightening ease.

Never in her life had she had the courage - the willingness - to act. But this world, it stood apart from the other innocent planets she had been complacent in destroying. It stood a chance. And she'd be damned if she wasted the opportunity to right her wrongs, no matter the cost.

She saw Elena nod with that same serious face she always wore, brows knit together. Only this time, she bore a lopsided smile as a look a realization grew on her face.

Though no words had been exchanged, the Regulator had seen the same thought in Emma's eyes, but it was something she couldn't allow. She couldn't imagine being the one to live while someone who had been tricked so deviously into an unforgivable crime was the one to die. It was just the next logical step. She knew no one would stop her. Why would they? Up until then she was just another pawn in the Controller's game, a little toy soldier that could easily be replaced. And she was perfectly fine with the thought of dying. She had found a purpose, something she had chosen to do on her own terms.

She just wished she could've thanked Elena for that opportunity.

Taking the ORCA into her hands, she rushed to the car parked just outside where Madison's house had been. Laying the humming machine on the passenger seat, she started the engine and slammed her foot on the gas.

Taking a quick glance back, she saw that her plan was working. Ghidorah had taken a sharp turn, dismissing the Osprey and coming directly after her. His eyes shined in the dark, his usual draconic smirks replaced with furiously bared teeth.

Not this time, she thought. Never again.

She didn't know how far she would get, but she hoped that it would be far enough. The Osprey was already close to vanishing under the cover of smoke and ash that wafted through the air and into the clouds. Hoping that it would be enough was all she could do at that point.

But none of that would matter if Godzilla didn't wake up.

Was he dead? The last she had seen of him, he hadn't been moving, limp like a three-hundred-foot ragdoll. If he was, there was nothing they could do. Ghidorah was unstoppable - not even the Controller had power over the dragon. At the very least, if Elena and the rest survived, maybe they could find some way to stop him from tearing the world apart. Even though a part of her knew she wouldn't be around to see it all carried out. But she was undoing some part of the terrible damage she had allowed to take place, and though it couldn't possibly atone for the countless worlds before this, it was the most she could do. And that was alright with her.

The Regulator dodged piles of rubble, swerving down roads that weren't blocked by what used to be buildings, trying to stretch the time was surely running out.

She couldn't stop herself from looking out of the car's mirror, and just as she sped down a narrow path of skyscrapers she saw him. He was right behind her, no more than a meter or two away. His trilling shook her bones, and with each thud from his galloping the car jumped a few inches off of the ground. He was getting faster, as his middle head stretched farther from between his brothers and snapped his jaws at the car, barely missing her by mere feet.

Spinning the wheel, she went careening down a pile of burning debris before entering a flattened area. It was the end of the line.

At that moment, Ghidorah pounced into the air, wings kicking up smoldering rubble and knocking over a building with one misplaced flap of his wings as he hovered close behind. Her face bunched up into an expression of pure frustration as she pushed the pedal all the way down.

As he glided, the left head shot a bolt of lightning her way, striking the pavement just beside her. With an annoyed shriek, the right head tried next, toppling over the top half of a skyscraper as it fell right in front of her. She didn't have the chance to swerve out of the way as the middle head opened his jaws, sending a bolt of yellow lightning directly at the small, banged-up car that scrambled down the blocked road like a trapped mouse.

Everything flashed white.

The Regulator closed her eyes, let go of the wheel, and took a deep breath as a pain unlike anything she had ever felt jolted through her body, twisting every nerve and lighting up her skin like a match. It was like being shot with one of the stunners dialed to a hundred.

But the agony didn't last long. As it faded, she felt herself spin along with the car, rolling, bounding until finally it became propped against something. All she could hear was the sound of fire crackling all around her and the beat of Ghidorah's wings.

Opening her eyes, she found that she had been completely thrown from the car, pieces of glass and gravel imbedded in her skin. Not that it meant much to her. Everything was hurting, but everything was numb at the same time. But that was alright. It was just fine. Rolling over, she stared up at the Golden Demise that crouched low to where she lay, sniffing and snarling.

His signature sneer was back, something self-righteous and proud glinting in all of his eyes. But there was nothing about him that could frighten her in that moment, for there was nothing else he could possibly do to her.

Behind him, her eyes could barely make out a reddish-orange glow growing in intensity from behind him. It was different from the burning city around her. It was alive. Setting her head back down on the gravel, she smiled.

"Long..live....the king." she breathed.

Time to restore balance.

_____

As the Osprey rose above the battlefield, Jodie's gaze tracked the jeep where the strange woman inside vanished behind the thick cover of smoke or piles of debris before reappearing.

She hadn't known who she was, but she had seen her face somewhere before. It didn't quite click with her where at first, but as she watched the little car race out from behind a crushed building, it suddenly came to her. She was the merc that from Antarctica, the one that was holding an unconscious Elena. Why she had a sudden change of heart, she didn't know. But she did know that she had helped Madison and Elena, and that was enough for her to silently cheer her on.

That is, until Ghidorah swooped down on her like a hammer, blasting the jeep with his lightning. Energy wracked all around it, and the car went flying. After seeing Ghidorah drop low to the ground, heads slithering toward where the jeep had stopped, Jodie looked away.

"Jesus," Stanton exclaimed, pointing over her shoulder. "Look."

She didn't want to turn back to the inevitable demise of some stranger, but something about his tone made her eyes follow to where he was pointing. Jodie suppressed a gasp, hand flying to cover her mouth.

She was half-expecting to see Godzilla rising from the crater, but instead it was something else, something smaller but far, far faster than the old lizard ever was. Hovering low, wings pressed flat against his body as he dove, was Rodan.

Like a flurry of dancing flames, he burst out the side of a building, barreling into Ghidorah at full force and knocking him off of his path. With a screech, he swooped up, spreading his wings as he came back around like a boomerang.

Ghidorah was on his full defensive now, heads swiveling around to prepare for another attack. His left head wasn't so lucky, as Rodan flared his talons, digging into the dragon's head and hooking himself onto his horns. The left head let out a shriek as the flying reptile's claws dug into his eyes before the right and center heads focused their lightning into a concentrated beam of energy, shooting the firebird square in the chest.

He drew back, landing on the top of a half-demolished building. Squinting through the smoke, Jodie saw that the injury he had obtained during his tussle with Mothra was still glowing, but not even that stopped him from going back at the dragon. The center head let loose another bolt while the left thrashed in pain, trilling and screaming as his brothers fought in his stead.

Stretching out his neck to take a bite out of Rodan's leg, he dodged, weaving out of the way before he banked hard, aiming for the right head like a ravenous hawk. Ghidorah was fast, but Rodan was faster. With one quick swoop, his talons found purchase on the right head's snout, digging deep into his mouth and clawing up toward his eyes. But he couldn't get far, as he felt the center head's teeth wrap around his leg.

With one strong tug, the center head ripped Rodan from his attack, throwing him into a building, shattered glass cascading down on both of them.

Ghidorah looked down at the bird with a burning fury, lightning building in their necks as the center head nipped at his brothers, tugging the left one by his horns to correct his aim. As each of their maws opened for the finishing blow, Jodie saw something.

It was far behind the dragon, but the space where Godzilla's body lay was now an empty crater, smoking pouring from the ignited rubble within. Jodie stood up, bracing one arm against the Osprey's half-open door.

"There.." she found herself muttering, too wrapped up in the scene playing out before her.

Everyone's gaze followed to where she was pointing. Behind her, Madison was leaning out of her seat with wide eyes.

Massively wounded, Godzilla had pulled himself up and out of the crater, staggering toward Ghidorah as the dragon prepared to take out the already injured titan below him. His steps were slow, uncertain, but as he waded through the remains of Boston his strides built up in strength. And as he regained his power, he was glowing a bright red now, pulsing with an inner radiance that leaked through his scales like lava, light spilling from his eyes as if his body was the core of a star about to go supernova. All around him, everything within his immediate radius began to melt, the heat waves coming off of his body distorting the air around him. Rearing his head back, Godzilla roared.

Madison had thought she had seen true power back in Antarctica, when Ghidorah had first awakened with all the bottled rage of an angry god. But looking at Godzilla, the dragon seemed far from powerful. Finally, she heard his voice right at the front of her mind, and she couldn't help but grin.

Checkmate, asshole

It was then that Ghidorah's center head whipped around, hissing as the rest of his brothers turned their attention to the massive heatwave behind them. Rodan took his chance to slip out from under his talons, flapping his wings to get as high into the air as he could.

With an insulted trill, Ghidorah's middle head spit out a stream of lightning, but the titan just took it, hardly even flinching. He continued stomping forward, the bright red pulsing around him growing brighter and stronger. The dragon backed away, taking a single tentative step back as Godzilla's pace was unimpeded. Ghidorah, unwilling to back down completely, let out three simultaneous shrieks, flaring their horns in defiance as his necks struck out like snakes.

Despite his wounds, the titan never slowed, only stopping to curl into himself as the pulsing around him grew so bright Madison thought he was about to explode. And in a way, he did. The scutes on his back crackled with light, blue streaks mixing with the thermonuclear red. The pulses running up and down his spine became so fast they were blinding. She had to shield her eyes when the pulses condensed, expanding into a massive wave of radioactive energy.

For a brief second, squinting through the light that filtered between her fingers, Madison could have sworn she saw something within the wave, something like gossamer wings flying out of Godzilla's back and toward Ghidorah. Mothra's chittering cry echoed in the back of her mind.

The wave phased through Ghidorah, knocking him down as it burned straight through the thin flesh of his wings as if they were nothing but paper. In a single moment the dragon's wings had been stripped down to the bone. Ghidorah let out an agonizing scream.

On his back, he braced himself up, focusing all three heads on the titan that still lumbered ever closer and letting loose three concentrated beams of lightning. But that did nothing to stop him, if anything, it was only fueling him.

Godzilla released another wave of radiation, and as it expanded around them, the center head recoiled, the screams of his brothers filling the air as the left head was stripped of his scales, sinew and muscle burning away until there was nothing left but bone. The right head disintegrated completely, wilting like a flower from Godzilla's atomic radiance. Their cries died out in an instant as Ghidorah slumped to the ground, writhing like a snake. It was odd, seeing the dragon so small compared to Godzilla. Ghidorah's remaining head screamed.

Taking a step forward, Godzilla's foot collided with his chest, caving it in as the bomb within the titan set off, creating a blinding dome of light over what was once Boston.

Madison's eyes slammed shut as she felt her parents shield her from the light, desperately hoping that they were out of range. As the shock wave from the blast expanded, the Osprey rattled something within the craft sparking and nearly shutting off before starting again, getting swept up into a thermal and continuing its retreat. Everything was still a little shaky, but at least they weren't dead.

Godzilla? Madison opened her eyes.

She was greeted with a mushroom cloud lifting from the skyline, or what remained of it. Gradually, the cloud began to lift before clearing below. Through the smoke, she could see that almost all of Boston was gone, a wasteland of charred ruins. Streets were burning, the steel beams that held up its skyscrapers were twisted and melted.

Her eyes narrowed, trying to discern where exactly the two titans were only to find no sign of either. Had they been destroyed? She could still feel his connection, it was waning just a bit, but it was there. He had to have made it. He had to.

Then, something shifted beneath the wreckage, something big. As the thing emerged, Madison waited for Godzilla's signature dorsal spines, but instead a pair of golden horns appeared, followed by a draconic face. Her stomach dropped.

Ghidorah's head continued to rise from the smoke, further and further until she saw something..weird. His neck didn't look right, as it wasn't the slender serpentine neck she was used to. It was then that she understood, as Godzilla rose above the ruins with Ghidorah's only remaining head in his mouth.

Madison flinched when the dragon's eyes snapped open, seeming to stare just past her. Following his gaze, she saw Elena. The two were locked in one last stare-down. The woman felt a sharp chill run down her spine, but she stared back, jaw tightening as she watched him desperately try to wriggle free from Godzilla's jaws. Shaking it like an alligator would, Godzilla shook the head from side to side until a familiar blue glow built up in his mouth. The whirring from his atomic breath grew quicker and quicker until Ghidorah's entire head was glowing electric blue. With one last trill, Ghidorah's head was ripped apart as the titan's fire erupted through him and into the air.

As the blast died out, Godzilla jittered, shaking his head as a little bolt of lightning crackled in his mouth. He turned his head toward the Osprey.

Told ya everything would be fine, Madison heard him say.

She tried to hide the smile forming along her face. No one else in the Osprey seemed as amused.

Godzilla had won. They had one. But the world was changed forever. So many cities had been left in ruins, and even more people had died. Despite feeling a glimmer of relief, Madison knew that things weren't just going to bounce back to the way they were. Maybe they never would.

But maybe that was as it should be.

If her mother was right, and with Ghidorah gone, the world could rebuild. The places ravaged by titans would flourish, and maybe someday the smoking remains of Boston would become a sprawling forest. She found herself not minding that at all.

Though, she had to admit, she hadn't wanted it to happen this way. But there was no going back now. It was the dawn of a new world, or the return of a very old one. Hopefully, she thought as she huddled closer to her parents, resting her head on her father's shoulder, they could all find out how they fit into this new era. Together.

Jodie jumped, relaxing after finding that it was Gill who had bumped her arm with her own. She gave her a half-smile, reaching for her hand. Smiling back, she grabbed it, squeezing as they stared at the morning sun poking out from the horizon.

Seeing Godzilla silhouetted by its rays, she thought back to what Chen had said about dragons and redemption. Maybe there was something to that. Sure, they might still have a long way to go to reach the coexistence from Serizawa's vision, but something about this battle felt like a reset. A new start.

"Good thing he's on our side." Stanton remarked.

"For now." Chen replied.

Madison bristled at that comment. He wouldn't turn on them, right? She knew that humans haven't exactly had the best history with Godzilla, but he had fought on their side.

Right?

"Look.." she whispered, unsure if she had said it out loud or to the lizard.

As the smoke faded away into the wind, everyone in the Osprey saw what had grabbed the girl's attention. Even Godzilla seemed to turn to where she was pointing.

Behind him was another titan, one that resembled a cross between a woolly mammoth and a ground sloth, complete with long, sweeping tusks that hung low to the ground. It was ambling slowly, and nothing about it seemed aggressive. Blowing out a puff of air from his nostrils, Godzilla continued to turn as two other titans - one with six long legs and the other resembling a bull with a mountain on its back - continued stalking toward him as well.

But there was more.

Jodie recognized them all, or at least most of them. A hunchbacked MUTO was ambling toward the group, followed by a flock of leafwings native to Skull Island. And quickly gaining on the herd was a Titanus Anguirus, Mokele-Mbembe, Kumonga, Sekhmet, Varan, Kamacuras...dozens of titans with names she couldn't remember fast enough all converging in one place. It struck her as odd. Ghidorah must have called them in, but his cavalry was much too late. Godzilla's gaze roamed over them all as he continued to turn, taking them all in. Sizing them up.

Then, Rodan had swung back around, having saved himself from Godzilla's meltdown. He landed before him, letting out a screech as his wings outstretched toward Godzilla. The firebird didn't sound defeated, or afraid. It almost sounded like he was genuflecting. Like he was in the presence of royalty.

But Godzilla didn't seem too trusting, and rightfully so.

Battered and bruised, the titan was still ready to fight. Letting out a hot puff of air from his nostrils, he snarled. Rodan seemed taken aback, pausing for a moment before laying his wings on the ground in submission. He was bowing.

And one by one, the other titans followed suit, each bowing in their own way.

The sun's first rays filtered from behind him, almost seeming to cast him in a golden halo of light.

This planet does not belong to us, Jodie thought, watching as the titans welcomed their new king. It was something she often heard among her peers, a quote from one of Monarch's earliest founding members - Bill Randa. And now, looking out at the primordial scene before her, she couldn't agree more.

"This is Godzilla's world." Jodie said. "We just live in it."

Godzilla threw back his head and roared until the heavens shook.

#godzilla #king of the monsters #godzilla king of the monsters #kotm #godzilla fanfic #leviathanfic

[ssapphireserpent]

A Night to Remember ♔ cheryl blossom x fem!reader

*gif not mine

Word Count: 1, 092

Warning(s): none really

request from anon: Could you please write a Cheryl Blossom x Fem!Reader? Maybe friends to lovers or even enemies to lovers? But anything would be awesome. Thanks

A/N: thank you for requesting my love! i am SO SORRY it took me so long to get up! i have been super stressed with school lately. my requests are still open, but it might take me a bit longer to get requests up. thank you for understanding! -💙🐍

You hated Cheryl Blossom.

You couldn’t stand her constant attitude or the way she always thought she was entitled to everything. You couldn’t even be around her honestly. Every time you saw her you immediately turned around and walked away. Sure, you definitely thought she was pretty, but you weren’t about to get involved with someone like that.

You for sure would identify as a loner. You had a few friends among Riverdale, Jughead Jones, Betty Cooper, and Kevin Keller being the closest, but you never really hung out with them in school. You preferred to put in your earbuds, and ignore the world. It wasn’t much better at your house. Your dad wasn’t around anymore, and your mom almost never came home from work. The world had taken everything away from her, but she still worked her ass off to make life better for you.

You hated the world for that, and you hated Riverdale the most.

It wasn’t until Homecoming that you decided to change your view on the small town where you lived.

You had pretty much decided you wouldn’t be attending the Homecoming dance, but Kevin convinced you otherwise.

“Come on, (Y/N), you can’t be a recluse forever!” he laughed and threw a pillow at you. You smirked at him and rolled your eyes.

“Imagine me at a school dance. Not a pretty sight.”

“Go anyways. I’m sure you’ve got a dress you can wear in your closet, and if you don’t, you can always borrow one from me,” Betty said as she sat down on the end of your bed. “You’d actually enjoy it you know.”

“Please?” they both begged.

“Fine! Fine, I’ll go to the dance. But I’m not happy about it.” Betty grabbed a lilac dress from your closet, the only one you owned, and started making plans about meeting up at Pop’s before the event the next night. Once your friends left, you practically collapsed on your bed, wondering how you got roped into going with them.

The next night was hectic. Betty had brought you over to her house to get ready. She was rushing around her room, trying to fix her hair and makeup on time, while you sat on your phone already ready. She whacked your arm suddenly.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“I asked you to help me curl my hair!” Betty exclaimed. You laughed and calmed her friend down, promising to help. After a long hour of curling, they were finally ready to go to the dance. Betty’s mom drove them to Pop’s where they met Jughead and Kevin. They also spotted Veronica Lodge and Archie Andrews there too.

“You ready for your first public appearance in six years, (Y/N)?” Jughead joked. You grunted at his lame attempt. Betty shushed him and then gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Well, we’re all here. Why don’t we head over to the school?” she chirped. The rest of the group agreed. When they arrived, the dance was already in full swing. There was a group of football players standing over by the punch bowl (probably spiking it), and a group of girls were huddled around them laughing. You noticed Cheryl Blossom at the center of the crowd, drinking an entire cup of the punch. You rolled your eyes in annoyance and continued to push your way through everybody.

After about an hour and a half of dancing with Kevin, you decided you needed to go to the restroom. You shoved past couples making out on the dance floor and somehow managed to make it to the toilet without much trouble. After you had handled your (ahem) business and were washing your hands, you noticed an odd sound coming from one of the stalls. You turned around and your eyes locked on Cheryl bent over the toilet bowl, hurling.

I never noticed how nice her ass is, you thought, mentally scolding yourself for thinking things like that about a girl you pretty much hate. You were about to walk out of the bathroom, completely weirded out before something stopped you.

“(Y/N)~~~!” Cheryl slurred. You whirred around to see the girl stumbling towards you. She had a trail of spit running down her chin, but otherwise looked okay.

“Hey.”

“Heyyyyyy (Y/N)! I n-never noticed that you were here!” she yelled out. You shushed her quickly and rolled your eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that night. You turned around to leave, but not before her small hand was grasping your wrist. “You’re not gonna leave me are you? I don’t wanna go back to the dance.”

“Look, Cheryl, I really should be going...”

“Please stay!”

You huffed in irritation and walked back over to the drunk girl. She grabbed some tissue from the bathroom stall and wiped the drool off of her face. Although Cheryl couldn’t stop giggling, you managed to get an explanation out of her. Apparently, her and Reggie had drank something a lot stronger than what was placed in the punch bowl.

You finished cleaning her up and promised to take her home. You held onto her waist as she stumbled out of the bathroom and to the door. You texted Kevin telling him where you were going and brought Cheryl to your car.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes, Cheryl?”

“Why are you helping me? I thought you hated me.”

“I don’t hate you. Now come on, let’s get you home.”

Cheryl continued talking and joking around throughout the entire drive to her house. You quickly realized how actually fun she could be when she wasn’t being a total bitch. You even noticed that she had begun to sober up.

By the time they arrived at Thistlehouse, Cheryl seemed completely okay. You were carrying on a pretty good conversation. You would even say that you felt a little twinge in your heart every time she laughed, you loved the sound of it. You just noticed how beautiful her red hair was, and how genuinely smart she was.

“(Y/N)?”

“W-What?”

“You kinda zoned out,” Cheryl laughed.

“Oh sorry, I was just thinking...”

“About?”

“About you.” Cheryl blushed under your intense gaze. “I think you’re beautiful, Cheryl, and it’s taken me until now to realize that it’s not just on the outside.”

Cheryl took a step closer to you. She cupped your face and placed a sweet kiss on your lips.

“I think you’re beautiful too, (Y/N).” You brought her in for another kiss. The smile on her face afterwards was enough to convince you that you had already fallen in love.

#cheryl blossom #cheryl blossom x fem!reader #cheryl x reader #riverdale #riverdale x reader #riverdale imagine #cheryl blossom imagine #kevin keller #betty cooper #jughead jones #betty x jughead

[rose-harmon]

Fallen Angel || Solo

When: Happens after the thread with Finley to the present moment. (about a week or so between) Where: Rose’s apartment, Crownsville Hosptial What?: After the blowout with Finley, Rose finds herself in a very good place to make a very bad decision. The choice she makes has her falling back into the days when she was ruled by her addiction. Notes: I left the time between her fall from grace to when she’s in the hospital open so that if anyone wants to plot to be part of it, is able to. If you want to be someone who was with her during the week she disappeared, go for it. Want to be the one who helped and called 911 or something, do it! Literally, all plots are welcomed, hit me up! I’m excited for this! But basically, since she fell back into her addiction, Rose has been MIA. She hasn’t been answering her phone or anything.

Rose was an expert in bad decisions. Whether they had been a product of her mind or of someone else’s, didn’t really matter. But she had gotten better at avoiding bad decisions. For a year and a half now, Rose had been really good at avoiding bad decisions. If she was being honest, she probably deserved some sort of reward for it. It had been a very difficult and taxing feat to accomplish. Then again, being sober had been reward enough. Being alive was enough. Wasn’t it?

However, one can only avoid their nature for so long. And for Rose, a series of unfortunate events led her back to the point in her life where she could make a really bad decision again.

 The blow out with Finley had occurred only two hours ago. But in a short time, Rose had been able to place herself on the precipice of ruining her life all over again.

 The words exchanged between the once close women had left a hole in her heart and she probably would have been fine, if Finley hadn’t left her coat.

Actually, no, Rose would have been fine if she had been ignorant to the fact that this coat always contained some form of a drug. It was Finley’s drug coat…and Rose had seen the goods fished from it more times than Finley knew she had 

If there had been any will power in her, Rose would have left the coat alone. The will power had been annihilated by her deep, dark need to wash away her reality. It had taken a momentary bad decision to search the pockets of her coat to lead her where she was now. 

The baggie of cocaine laid on the coffee table where Rose had thrown it, calling to her, beckoning her to give in. Just one line. That’s all it would take to numb the mess in her head and the ache in her heart. One line and her problems would be over. It would be so easy. Rose’s hand itched at her side, her feet propelling her forward but as she took the first step towards the one thing that could make all her troubles go away for short while, Rose stopped herself. She shook her head, “No… no…no, no, Rose.” She muttered, turning around and biting at her fingernail nervously. Her other hand tapped anxiously at her thigh, a battle raging inside of her. It would be so easy. What was one line? It was just one. Right? Uneasily, her eyes darted back to the stupid little baggie. She needed to walk away. She needed to go. She couldn’t go. Her feet felt cemented. How was she supposed to walk away? 

Call me anytime, day or night. Whenever you need me. I promise I’ll be there. 

Theodore’s words – his promise – rang loudly through her mind and they were the only light in the darkness that shrouded her. It was late – but it should still be relatively early for Theodore given the time difference. Without a second thought, Rose dialed his number, anxiously counting the rings that met her ears. 

Nothing. 

Her anxiety grew as she was greeted with his voicemail. Okay…okay, text him. Her panicked mind instructed her and with shaky fingers, Rose sent her best friend – her source of support – a message.

[[SMS 12:32 AM]] Teddy, please pick up [[SMS 12:33 AM]] Teddy! 🚨⚠️ [[12:40 AM]] – unanswered call [[12:45 AM]] – unanswered call [[SMS 12:53 AM]] Teddy, please…. I really need you right now. I did something bad and I think I’m about to do something even worse.  It’s code red. [[1:00 AM]] – unanswered call

“Fuck!” Rose cursed, her body began to tremble as her phone was thrown onto the cushions of her couch, running her hands through her long hair nervously. He knew code red. It was their code. It was their way to communicate with one another when they needed the other the most – in a way only they could understand. It was their code when they were teetering. It was their code. Why wasn’t he answering their code?

Inside of her, a panic festered, a gaping hole, a familiar emptiness. She should have seen this coming. No, she had seen this coming, but she had stopped herself from pulling away because Teddy had sworn it wouldn’t happen. Rose had shared with him the tale of her life, every aspect of it – from her neglectful parents to Elizabeth and her abandonment, to Andrew and everything in between. Theodore had sworn that he would be by her side – he wouldn’t become like the rest. They had called each other family…but Rose quickly came to realize that family was just a word people through around. Family meant nothing. Because everyone who was supposed to be her family in her life had left and abandoned her so why would Teddy be any different?

It had been three days since Teddy had left Crownsville and gone back to Hollywood Hills. Surprisingly, she had been…okay for the most part. Though his departure had left an ache in her heart, Rose had been clinging onto his promises with a vice grip – You’re my ride or die. My lil sis - knowing what losing someone else so dear to her would cause.  

Many people didn’t understand their relationship sometimes, and Rose didn’t care or expect them too. But the two of them – though from such different lives – held so much in common, mostly their struggles with addiction and being clean from it. In addition to that, in their own ways, they could relate to each other in other areas. They both harbored a deep-rooted phobia of letting others close to their hearts, debilitating anxiety when someone did manage to get close to them, and an unshakable abandonment complex. Because of all of this, they understood each other and could encourage one another in life’s journey. They were each other’s affirmations.

So, when faced with the emotional taxing night where everything seemed to be falling apart or was about to, she had turned to the one who could talk her out of it. Maybe she would have gone to Niklaus, but he was still ignorant to the dark shadows she dealt with, to the darkness of her past. Though she had tried to bring him to the light of her reality, she hadn’t been able to. Just as her confession was going to break through, Alaia had woken up. Rose had shut up immediately – she would never expose that sweet girl to the darkness of the world. And perhaps, it was for the best. She didn’t want to bring Niklaus to this part of her. It would open his eyes that she wasn’t good enough – she was a mess and how he could want someone like that? Especially around Alaia. Even if she had been better.

Or maybe she should have reached out to her boyfriend and allowed him to walk her through the temptation she was being faced with, let him guide her away from it by simply inviting her to his home. Maybe, she should have allowed him to know her truth because wasn’t that the point of being with someone? Of being in a relationship? Of loving someone? Wasn’t that what she had preached to Theodore over and over and over again?

If Rose was being the tiniest bit honest, she didn’t want him to help her. A dark, tiny part of her, wanted to fall back into her habit, always searching for the little give in her will power to take over. And tonight, her habit had found it. It manifested in a panic – using her fear of abandonment and her constant sense of worthlessness and guilt to trick and lead her down the all too familiar rabbit hole. Rose followed almost a little too willingly.  

With a shaky hand, Rose sat herself on the floor in front of her coffee table. The baggie’s contents were emptied, and it didn’t take her long to cut lines out. As the lines stared at her, Rose realized she still had the chance to pull back; to not do this and figure out another way.

Hazel eyes fell from the cocaine back to the phone she had picked up before settling on the floor. As the screen lit up, Rose was met with nothing. For a moment, her thumb hesitated over the phone, itching to tap a few buttons and get Niklaus’ number. But as she was about to search for his contact, she began to imagine what would happen. His eyes would be opened. Rejection was the only outcome she could foresee and losing Niklaus because of her vices wasn’t something she thought she could handle, especially not after just losing Finley. After losing Theodore. And witnessing the loving gleam in his eyes morph into disdain and judgment wasn’t something Rose ever wanted to see.

It was the tipping point.

Memories she had created in the past year and half of her sobriety ran through her mind in those last seconds. The first time Niklaus has pushed her up against the wall, his lips searing as they met her hungrily. Then it compared the soft and gentle gleam in his blue eyes now; the way his eyes still gleamed with desire for her, but it was only there buttressed by his feelings for her. The same feelings that made her heart stutter in its rhythm whenever he crossed her mind. She replayed the many nights they spent cooking dinner together now, singing and dancing and goofing around with Alaia in the kitchen.  There would be nothing left of that after this.

It moved to all the friendships she had cultivated with so many people around town. To the first day, she had volunteered at Top of Tail, her first day at AIR, the day she finally got her own place. 

It floated to Teddy – and how unashamedly she had tried to pursue him the first time they met and how utterly unappealing that was now. She let herself relish in the sentimentality of having – even for a short time, even if it had been a lie – someone in her corner who loved her unconditionally and who understood her completely. What is felt like to have a brother, a family. Something she had never had growing up.  And how he had taken that away from her.

Then it went to Finley, sweet, dear Finley. The woman that had found a way to weave so deeply into her heart. They had come a long way from the first night they met. The fist to the jaw transformed to gentle kisses along her jawline, soft fingers tickling each other’s skin. And now…what was left of that? Brokenness, betrayal, guilt, and anger – a severed relationship. A lost connection. A lost piece of herself, even as unwilling as she was to admit it.  

By the time the memories are looped around in her head, Rose was already one line deep.

And suddenly, as the rush of the high, the boost of confidence and the startling numbness overcame her, she couldn’t fathom why she had ever given this up.

The past week had gone by in a haze for Rose. Her fall from grace had not been as mild as she thought it would have been. The one line had turned to many more, constantly searching for that high, the sense of numbness. The burst of energy.

In her intoxicated mind, Rose hadn’t realized how much she had fallen off the grid. For a week now, she had gone missing. Her scheduled work at AIR forgotten. Her volunteer time at the shelter ignored. The calls and texts from her loved ones not even opened. She was too busy searching for the next bump, the next line.  

Her vice consumed her like it had in her younger years

Rose didn’t truly capture how far down the rabbit hole she had fallen until her consciousness was stirred by the rhythmic beating coming from beside her. It caused her features to contort in discomfort, the beeping aggravated the headache that she was becoming more and more aware of. 

It took her a second before she was able to figure out what that annoying sound was and when she did, Rose blanched, overcome by the disbelief that, somehow, she was here again

Upon her awakening, there was a flurry of action around her. Nurses coming around, checking her vitals, checking her. Some held faces of concern and empathy, others held looks of judgment. To those, Rose was just another junkie that had landed in the hospital after being a little too careless with her habit. But they were all too familiar looks.

As the doctor came in, Rose wandered who had noticed the first signs of her overdose. Which on her “friends” had picked up on her restlessness, her confusion, the rise of her body temperature? Had she lost consciousness? Who had called 911? Or who had brought her to the hospital?

As the doctor spoke, no doubt providing answers that probably would have answered her questions, Rose was too lost in her mind to really listen to what he was saying. “How long have I been here?”

The question was blurted out, abrupt and she was slightly stunned by how rough her voice sounded. The doctor sighed, clearly a bit agitated that she hadn’t been listening. “A couple of days. We had to sedate you to help keep your blood pressure and heart rate down – effects of the overdose.”

“I know…I know what the overdose does.” There was a defensive undercurrent in her tone, snapping at the doctor that had probably saved her life. “When can I leave?” She just wanted out. As stupid as it sounded, she just wanted another line to forget that somehow, she had managed to land in this position again.

“We want to keep you for a couple of days…you were in very bad shape, Ms. Harmon.”

It was the last thing the doctor said before leaving after a page was sent to him and Rose was left to sulk in her bed.

It started as an unfamiliar sting in the back of her eyes and suddenly, Rose’s body was shaking as sobs quaked her petite form. It was no surprise that she was here now – the young woman knew it had only been a matter of time – but it still broke her entirely that she had allowed herself to fall this far again.

In the end, Rose realized in amidst bitter tears, she would always be an addict and there was no running from that. But now, as she covered her face and cried into the palms of her hands, Rose was faced with the same decision she had to make almost two years ago – was she going to be an addict that would one day be killed by her vices or was she going to be an addict that made the choice to live again?

#drug addiction tw #drug use tw #addiction tw #mention of child neglect tw #drug mention tw #solo #crownsvillecall #ngl i kinda rushed at the end #it has taken me forever to write this and it was too painful

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

Delayed Reaction (The Fear of Falling Remix, aka the Nicky Remix)

I wrote this for the fantastic AFTG remix/redux challenge, which was an utter blast.  It was inspired by this amazing fic, by @sunrise-and-death.  It let me explore Nicky’s feelings after the events of the series, especially his role in the Eden’s Twilight disasterTM of the first book.  It’s a bit of a departure for me, lol, but I loved writing it.  References forced drugging/forced kissing.  Read on AO3 if you prefer.  (I apologize if you’re on mobile and the keep reading link doesn’t work.)

The second Neil wrenched his arm out of his grasp, Nicky knew.

The alcohol coursing through his bloodstream left him slow and stupid as Neil planted his hands against Nicky’s chest and shoved.  Tripping over his own feet, Nicky crashed backwards into some faceless people who were dancing in a tight pack.  Cursing, the clubbers bounced away while Aaron got to his feet in what would have been a leap had he been sober.

“What the hell was that?” Aaron snapped at Neil, whose face went from white to red in a second.

“I’m going to get some air,” Neil said, and disappeared, weaving through the crowd towards the back doors.

Aaron grabbed Nicky’s arm and helped haul him to his feet.  He staggered over to the table and dropped his head into his hands.  He felt more than saw Aaron settle next to him.  “Seriously,” Aaron shouted over the thundering base, “what just happened?”

Nicky felt like he was going to vomit, but he didn’t think it was from the alcohol.  That had been actual fear in Neil’s face, before anger and embarrassment had swept it away.  Neil, afraid.  Of him.  He let his elbows slide out from under him until his forearms rested on the table, keeping his forehead pressed against them.

For an endless moment he remembered being surrounded by four men, being punched and kicked and shoved; the vicious laughter and taunts echoing in the alley, the desperate need to cry out but the inability to get enough air.  It had taken months before he had been able to get in and out of the club without terror, and over a year before he had been able to dance again, to enjoy the feel of other bodies around him.

The sound of a tray full of glasses being set carefully on the table made him bury his face deeper into his arms.  Andrew.  Oh, God, how could he ever look Andrew in the eye again?

“Did someone break Nicky?” Andrew asked flatly.

“Your boy toy,” Aaron answered.  “Nicky wanted him to go dance, and he shoved him into a group of dancers for no reason then took off.”

“It wasn’t for no reason,” Nicky said.  The words were muffled against the table and looking up was impossible, but somehow he knew Andrew heard.  Heavy eyes bored into the top of his head then disappeared.

“What do you mean?” Aaron asked.  Nicky felt perversely grateful that his voice was different from Andrew’s.  “He’s gone,” Aaron added unnecessarily.

“I kissed him,” Nicky mumbled into his arms.

“What?”

“Neil.”  Nicky sighed and sat up.  “I kissed him.”

“Dude.  You’ve been sitting here all night, I would’ve noticed.  How much have you had to drink?” Aaron laughed.

Too much, always too much and not enough.  “Not tonight.  His first time here.”  The room was spinning and Nicky braced one of his hands against the table.  “Andrew…Andrew told me to keep him high.”

“I don’t understand,” Kevin said, downing one of the fresh drinks as if that would help clarify things.  

“I kissed him to give him more dust.”  Nicky pointed at his mouth to make sure it was clear, nodding at their expressions.  “He didn’t want me to.”

All traces of amusement were gone from Aaron’s face.  “Andrew didn’t know.”  Nicky shook his head.  “He’s going to kill you.”

“Neil won’t let him,” Kevin assured them with a confidence born of copious amounts of vodka.

“I am way too sober for this,” Aaron said, reaching for the tray.  He was on his second drink—well, his sixth if you counted the first round—when Andrew reappeared, alone.

Andrew didn’t say anything, and neither did the rest of them.  Aaron and Kevin knocked back one last drink each before the three of them followed Andrew out of the club in a line, Aaron bringing up the rear.  Nicky felt absurdly like he was at an elementary school class trip, following a teacher out of a museum.  There was a picture book he had loved as a child, with drawings of the big dark mama and papa ducks, the little yellow ducklings marching in between.  He imagined they looked the reverse, he and Kevin with their black hair towering in between the tow-headed twins.  He would have laughed if he hadn’t felt like crying.

Andrew pulled into the driveway and cut the engine.  Kevin fled.  Aaron did not; he looked between Andrew and Nicky until he saw something in Andrew’s face that made his mouth tighten.  With a venomous glare at Neil, he scooted out of the car and into the house, lingering for a long moment in the doorway.

Nicky had no idea what Andrew was going to do.  Andrew had once told him that he would kill him if he touched Neil; he hadn’t understood the protective instinct at the time, but now it made all too much sense.  If Andrew was going to make good on that promise now, Nicky wouldn’t fight him.  

He hoped Aaron would understand.  He knew Erik would not.

“I am going to make a deal with you,” Andrew said, sounding as if he were making a grocery list.   Neil was watching, expression unreadable.  There was no trace of the panic that had earlier ravaged his features, but that was still all Nicky could see.  He felt his eyes start to burn and dug his nails into his palms to try to drive it back.  “You will promise me that you will never touch someone without their consent again.  And in exchange, I will not kill you.”  

Nicky nodded; he should have felt relief but all he really was aware of was the guilt of getting away with something undeserved.  He was pretty sure he was babbling something but had no idea what useless words were falling out of his mouth.  Andrew’s expression was getting flatter and finally Neil interrupted.

“It’s okay, Nicky.  I forgive you.”

The tears overflowed then.  Andrew ordered him out of the car and roared out of the driveway before Nicky could do more than stumble onto the lawn.  He watched the taillights glow at the end of the street then dragged his sorry carcass into the house.

Aaron and Kevin were waiting for him.  Well, Aaron was.  Kevin was technically in the living room as well but clearly on a different plane of consciousness.  “We need to talk about this,” Aaron said

“Tomorrow.”

“Nicky—”

“Please, Aaron.  Just…tomorrow.”

Aaron gave him a long searching look, then disappeared upstairs to collapse in his bed.  Nicky rearranged Kevin so he could breathe and wouldn’t choke if he vomited, dropped a trash can next to his face, and dragged himself into his room.  Not bothering to undress, he flopped backward onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling.

There was dust on the edges of the fan that he needed to wipe off.  Part of him wanted to start the fan, see if the dust would rain down all over the room, but that would require getting up.  After a while he kicked his boots off.  Sleep darted away from him every time he reached towards it.

It was closer to morning than night when he heard the door open again.  He went out into the hall to see Andrew half-carrying a sleepy Neil, kicking the door shut behind them.  Andrew glanced at him, eyes sharp as his knives, before scooping Neil fully into his arms and heading up the stairs.

*****

It was a silent morning followed by a silent drive back to campus.  Nicky knew if he opened his mouth stupidity would spew out so he kept it clamped shut until they were back at Fox Tower and his dorm room door was shut firmly behind him.  He barely made it to the couch before his knees gave out.

“Are you ever going to talk to me about this?” Aaron asked.

“About what?” Matt appeared behind him.  “What happened?”

“I’m an asshole,” Nicky said.  “That’s it, that’s all there is to say.”

“Bullshit,” snapped Aaron.  “What happened with Andrew?”

“We made a deal, okay?  I don’t touch someone without consent, he doesn’t kill me.”

Aaron snorted.  “I can’t fucking believe you.  Why would you ever think that was okay?”  He was looking at him like he had never seen him before.  Nicky could feel his eyes filling.  He and Aaron had always been…not good, nobody in their family had good relationships, it was genetically impossible, but they had always cared about each other.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” Matt said.  “What the hell happened?”

“Nicky kissed Neil against his will,” Aaron answered when it was obvious Nicky wasn’t going to.

Matt looked aghast.  “Not last night,” Nicky clarified.  “It was the first time we took him to Columbia.”  Not that that made it any better, really, but it explained why he was still breathing.  

“Jesus Christ, Nicky.”  

I know, Nicky wanted to scream.  “I’m going to call Erik,” he said instead.  Once alone in the bedroom, though, he just stared at his phone.  Erik knew about the incident; Nicky had told him the next day, while Neil was missing.  He had been disapproving about the drugs but hadn’t worried about the kiss.  Nicky wasn’t sure if he could handle his forgiveness about it now.  He knew he would get it, but with Neil’s fear burned into his retinas he didn’t think he wanted it.

There was a knock on the bedroom door.  He wasn’t sure how much time had passed; enough that he felt stiff when he got up to answer it.  Or maybe that was the exhaustion.

“Hello, Nicky,” Renee said with her usual sweet smile.  “I thought perhaps you might like to go get some coffee.”

Nicky didn’t have it in him to say no to Renee.  He grabbed his coat.

It was rare for he or his cousins to visit the coffee shop on campus; they usually just made their own.  Nicky debated ordering something gross like straight black coffee with a shot of espresso, but caved to his tastebuds and got an iced hazelnut latte instead.

They sat at one of the little iron tables in front of the cafe, watching the handful of summer students straggle by.  Nicky was halfway through his latte when he asked, “Matt told you, huh?”

“He told me his understanding of it, yes.”

This was why he loved Renee.  He took a deep breath, and in as spare language as he could manage, told her about that first trip to Columbia and the morning after.  About the arbitrary lines he had drawn in his own head about what was okay and what was not.  How he had succumbed to the Hollywood idea that forcing a kiss on someone would win them over in the end.  How at the time he hadn’t really thought that what he did was any worse than what Andrew did; how he had never thought about what he might have been taking from Neil until that weekend before Thanksgiving.

He didn’t tell her about the months of regret he’d been dealing with since he had walked into his parents’ guest room and seen Neil tenderly wrapping a bloody and battered Andrew in a blanket.  Or how he had been struggling not to regress to the habits taught him at conversion camp, to the self punishment that was seen as just penance for his sins.  But she saw it in his eyes and heard it in his voice anyway.

When he finally went silent, she sipped her iced tea for a moment.  “Did you apologize?”

“Yes, as soon as he would let me.  He wasn’t ready to accept it then.”

“Have you talked about it since?”  

Nicky shook his head.  It had taken all of his courage the first time, he wasn’t sure he had enough left.

Renee hummed and then was quiet while they finished their drinks.  They were walking back to the dorm when she touched his arm.  “Nicky…I may be out of line to ask this, but have you found a church here?”  

He shook his head.  He had been to several when they had first moved to campus two years prior, but none of them had been right.  Slowly he had been forgetting what it felt like to seek that sort of peace.  He couldn’t recall the last time he had prayed; maybe during that terrible vigil the whole team had held on the bus after Binghamton.  

“Would you like to come with me tomorrow?”

“I’m not Catholic.”

“It’s not a Catholic church.”  He looked at her in surprise.  “I didn’t find the parish of the local Church very welcoming, so I found an alternative.”

“Yes,” Nicky said, not really sure why he felt so hesitant.  “I’ll come with you.”

“I go to the early service most of the time,” she said, and he wasn’t sure if it was apology or warning.  “I leave at seven-thirty.”

He groaned internally; after his sleepless night he had been looking forward to spending most of the next day in bed.  “I’ll be ready.”

*****

The church was like nothing Nicky had seen before.  There was no ornate glass, no crucifix, no organ.  It almost looked like a business building, but off the vestibule the bulk of it was one large room with pews.  A friendly man in a blue suit greeted Renee by name when she entered.  

“Reverend Pawalek, this is my friend Nicky,” she said, and the minister held out his hand in greeting.  His grip was warm and solid.  He reminded Nicky of Erik’s father, though he couldn’t have said exactly why.  Something about his eyes, maybe.  Or the generous cut of his mouth.

They entered the sanctuary and sat in a pew near the back.  Nicky’s gaze was immediately caught by a small pride flag sticker on the otherwise plain podium.  He glanced at Renee; she gave him a nod.  All around him people were filtering in, men and women and children, black and white and brown.  There were piercings and tattoos and wild hair and wilder clothes.  Some, like Renee, wore crosses; he spotted two hijab, and a yarmulke.  The only thing they all had in common was the attentiveness with which they turned towards the podium when Reverend Pawalek took his spot.

Afterwards Nicky could not have recalled a single sentence of the sermon.  He knew that it was about how to help God’s love manifest here on earth, but the specifics were washed away in the rhythm of the minister’s tenor voice.  He felt embraced by that voice, cocooned by it; for reasons he could not have told, tears fell until his hands and shirt were damp with them.  Around him the other people were smiling and laughing and crying too.  

He had never felt so loved outside of Erik’s arms.  He had never known faith so uncorrupted by religion.  At the end, as Reverend Pawalek put up a prayer about love and acceptance, Nicky prayed as he hadn’t in too many months.  He prayed for forgiveness:  Neil’s.  God’s.  His own.  For once, he did not even think about his father, standing over him pallid and stern.  His father did not understand God like this; was incapable of understanding a God that was not a stand-in for his own judgments.  But this—this was the God Nicky had always sought, the one Erik and Renee so freely opened their hearts to.

An hour had passed in the thrall of that voice and those words, but it felt like days later when they stumbled out into the heat of a South Carolina morning.  Renee took his hand, threading her fingers through his.  They didn’t speak as they headed back to campus in Allison’s car.  Nicky didn’t think he had any words anyway.

*****

He went back the following Sunday.  Andrew had not allowed him time alone to talk to Neil.  He might’ve tried while Andrew was at Bee’s but he didn’t want the rest of the team listening in.  Neil kept catching his eye, and Nicky took hope from that.  Fitting, then, that the sermon was about hope.  The way hope can keep us alive when all else around us is trying to drag us down.   The way hope can erase fear, can erase hate, can fortify against the judgment of others.  That hope can help us let go of the fear of falling.  That hope is just a different word for faith.

Another week passed.  Aaron and he went back to their usual brand of “good,” and Matt seemed to have forgotten about all of it.  Andrew’s vigilance did not falter, but Nicky had never thought he would forget.  Though he would have loved Andrew’s forgiveness, it didn’t really matter in the end; it had been Neil he—no, they—had wronged.

Aaron and Katelyn were cuddling on the couch and Matt was just starting a movie when there was a knock on the suite door.  Matt answered it; Nicky got to his feet when he heard Neil’s voice, though the words were quiet and indistinct.  Then Matt called his name and he walked to the door.  

Neil still looked guarded, but there was something other than fear behind it.  Hope, maybe.  Or determination.  He followed Neil into the suite he shared with Kevin and Andrew.  It was empty, so Nicky assumed the others were out somewhere.  He leaned against the door.  Somehow it felt safer.

“I wanted to talk,” Neil said.

“Me too.  I’ve been wanting to since that night.”  Nicky hated the quiver in his voice.  “Oh, Neil, I’m so, so sorry.  That look on your face…I never wanted you to have to look at me like that.”

“I’m fine.”  Neil’s mouth twisted in an ironic smile after he said the words.  “It just made me remember, you know?  Being drugged and not able to control myself.”

Nicky’s heart ached.  “I still can’t believe I did that.”

“Honestly, the being drugged thing bothered me more than the kisses.”

Somehow that made Nicky feel worse.  “I tried to justify it so many different ways, you know?  All of it.”  He slid down the door so he was sitting on the floor, looking up at Neil on the beanbag chair.  “Andrew was so certain.  God, he’s always so certain that he’s right.  It’s easier just to go along with it.”

“I know.”  

Nicky’s lips twitched at Neil’s wry tone but the smile wouldn’t quite form.  Neil didn’t know, not really; Andrew gave ground over and over to him in a way he never did for anyone else.  And Neil had never sought the easier path.  “It seemed like such a clever idea.  Honestly I was so freaking proud of myself for thinking of it, you know, a way to keep you high without getting caught.”

“It was creative,” Neil said thoughtfully.

It was hard to keep back the ready tears at that.  “The thing is, though, I also just really wanted to kiss you.  I was lonely, I hadn’t seen Erik in forever, and you’re hot.  I guess I just thought you needed to lose some inhibitions or something.  Like that’s for me to say.  What the hell made me think I had the right to decide that?”

Neil shrugged.  “I think a lot of people think like that.”

“It wasn’t until everything went down before Thanksgiving that I got it.  I mean, Jesus, what kind of an asshole am I?  Like, I had to see that in order to understand?”  He thought again of dazed Andrew, frantic to make sure Aaron was okay, the blood and worse from the dead body on the floor, and Neil so…so gentle.  Not for the first time, he wondered how he hadn’t seen it then, the love they had for each other.  His sniff was embarrassingly loud.

“But you understand now,” Neil said.

Nicky nodded, feeling a bit like a bobblehead doll.  “Absolutely.”

“I think a lot of people wouldn’t.  I think a lot of people would say it was totally different.”

“You might be right,” Nicky said.  It didn’t really make it any better.  It didn’t change that he had taken advantage of someone he cared about, someone who was compromised.  He didn’t understand how Neil could be so vicious sometimes, and yet find forgiveness too.  For some reason, Reverend Pawalek’s words about hope popped into his head: he had talked of hope not for a better world after this one but for making this world a better one, for making it a world of justice, of peace.  In his own way, Neil was fighting for that.

Somehow, somewhere in that terrible year since that first night in Columbia, Neil had let go of the fear of falling.

Nicky dashed the tears from his eyes and stood on shaky legs.  “Ugh, everyone’s going to know I was crying,” he said, trying for normalcy.

“You look fine,” Neil said, getting up too.  Of course, Neil’s definition of that left something to be desired.  

“Can I?” Nicky asked, holding his arms open in invitation.  Neil hesitated just a moment, then stepped into the circle of Nicky’s arms.  Nicky pulled him in and held him close.  Not tightly, but—close.  He knew Neil would never understand, really.  He never seemed to see it.  Outsiders never did either.  They just saw a fucked up kid with a smart mouth.  

But for the rest of them, for the Foxes, he was hope.  Precious, and fragile, and a reason to keep going on.  A reason to let go of the fear of falling.

#aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #neil josten #nicky hemmick #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #renee walker #aftg remix redux #my writing #tw forced drugging #tw forced kissing #fanfic