#i cant deal with the emotional abuse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rootbeerworshiper · 4 months

Text

Normal (part 1)

pairing: fem!character + matt sturniolo

summery: Abigail and Matt have been best friends for years and practically grew up together. the two hiding their feelings for one another, until one stupid drunken dare changes things.

warnings: swearing, suggestive parts, drinking, slight mention of abuse but not too much detail.

this is the first fic i’ve ever written but i actually like it a lot and @sturnswrites convinced me to post it

no idea where this story is going but for now, enjoy!

pt 2 pt 3

love, sienna <3

the first time i saw him was my first day of grade 4. i was new and incredibly anxious. i had always been an anti social child and for the most part i was okay with it, preferring reading books over introducing myself to others. but for whatever reason, it no longer felt okay. i struggled to see all the groups of girls laughing and eating lunch together, for whatever reason it stung.

i was fully prepared to sit by myself, walking over to an empty table with my lunch bag, but that’s when i heard something. well, heard someone.

“hey!” a boy yelled from behind me. after pausing for a moment, i assumed he wasn’t talking to me and picked up where i left off, back to the empty table.

“Chris you’re so dumb how is she meant to know you’re talking to her” another boy said, this one wearing a power rangers shirt

“oh… right” the boy with the longest hair replied, thinking momentarily

i finally arrived at the table and began opening my lunch kit, also looking for my headphones. i liked to drown out the voices of others, focusing on the lyrics of my favourite artists. i grabbed the wired headphones and untangled them before beginning to eat my sandwich.

i thought about how lonely i felt, how stupid i probably looked, eating the sandwich my older sister packed for me in a room surrounded my kids with food from the cafeteria. these thoughts consumed me until all of a sudden i felt a little less lonely.

looking to my left, my brows furrowed. a boy. sitting next to me.

he didn’t say anything at first, opening his lunch kit simply and taking out his snacks for the day. eventually though, he mustered up the courage to speak. “are you listening to black eyed peas?”

i shift in my seat, stomach immediately filling with anxiety “oh um yeah i am” i said quietly biting my lip, looking at the boy for any sort of emotion “im sorry i’ll turn it down i-“

“can i have a headphone?” he says. i wasn’t sure what to do in this moment, is this how you make friends? would he hate my music? did he think i was a loser? i try to shake the thoughts out of my head and focus on the boy facing me, who is now opening up a bag of my favourite fruit snacks.

“only if you give me a fruit snack” i smile, taking out a headphone from my ear and holding my hand out.

“deal” the boy replies placing two orange fruit snacks into my palm and grabbing the headphone. “what’s your name? i haven’t seen you before”

i cant believe this is happening, like at all. “my names Abigail but most people call me Abi” i reply, tilting my head back and throwing the two fruit snacks in my mouth.

“i like that name. Abigail. it has a good ring to it” he says before thinking for a moment. the feeling in my stomach is replaced by butterflies. i place my hands on my cheeks, attempting to hide the blush that’s tinting them “i think i have a better nickname then Abi, how do you feel about Bee?”

a confused look makes it’s way to my face. “like the bug?” he nods his head excitedly. “sure, you can call me Bee” i smile. “what’s your name? you haven’t told me yet” oh god that sounds weird, i’m so awkward i should just get up and go while i can-

“i’m Matt. well technically i’m Matthew but no one calls me that, it’s too formal” he smiles back, taking a bite into the sandwich that his mom made for him.

“well now i need a special nickname for you” i say, biting my lip as i try and think of something. i fidget with my fingers for a moment before i think of something. “how do you feel about Matty?”

“hm it’s okay.” he replies, mouth half full. i feel so stupid he probably hates it “but only you can call me that” this immediately brings a smile back to my lips.

“sounds like we have a deal Matty”

“sounds like we do, Bee”

since that fateful day, i had a friend and well, unbeknownst to me, the friend i made came with two others, Chris and Nick.

the three boys made me feel so much better about starting at a new school, made me feel seen at times where i’d normally feel invisible.

my home life wasn’t great, to put it bluntly it was shit. my mom was working all the time and i barely ever saw her and my dad, well i saw him more than i’d like. he was never physically abusive, and it took me many years to refer to anything he did to me as abuse, but really that’s what it was.

he would constantly remind me that i wasn’t good enough, saying that him and my mom wished i was never born. as you can imagine, it hurt like a bitch. but i always had my older sister there to pack me lunches and write me notes of encouragement. looking back on it, i feel more bad for her than i do myself because she had to endure all that shit and she didn’t have an older sister to cry out to.

when she went off to college i was heartbroken, not that i would ever show it to her.

the sudden absence of a family figure in my life made me closer to the triplets then i has been before.

i was always close to Chris and Nick and they were like family to me, really. but something about Matt always set him apart.

every time he’d ask me to hangout my heart beat would speed up, or when he puts his arm around me and i suddenly feel the same feelings in my stomach that i did in grade 4.

him and i understood each other on a different level, we helped one another in many ways. whenever i had a problem, i always had someone to turn to, and he had the same.

another important thing to mention about Matt is that he was my first kiss.

it was in sophomore year, and Chris had gotten us invited to our first real party, although there wasn’t more than 15 teenagers there, it was still a big deal.

Matt never liked the idea of drinking, said he didn’t wanna lose control. i didn’t like it either, my dad did most of his yelling under the influence of beer, and every time i smell it it’s like he‘a breathing down my neck all over again.

everyone else at the party drank, but it didn’t bother me because i had Matt by my side.

“we should play spin the bottle!” Chris suggests, already 3 drinks in and somehow more confident than ever before. i knew he only wanted to play because his crush was there, so i went along with it.

“sure, could be fun right?” i look to Matt who is internally freaking out. he just nods so i grab his hand and we head to the middle of the dim lit basement.

the drunk teenagers all eventually form a circle on the rug and place an empty beer bottle in the middle.

“who’s going first?” Nick asks, sipping on the random sweet cooler in his hand. “dibs out” he laughs with Alahna, another friend brought to me through Matt.

“i’ll go” the long haired triplet says, running his hand through his hair and leaning into the middle of the circle to spin the bottle

i just laugh and whisper to Matt “i wonder why that is?” Matt just shoots me a shocked look but ultimately joins in on my laughing

Chris ignores us and spins the bottle, landing on Alahna. “bro” he groans, placing his hands over his face

“wow you really know how to compliment a girl Christopher, i’m so flattered” she jokes, earning a snort from me across the circle

“no not like that-“ he begins to defend himself but ultimately gives up “whatever” he sits up and leans across the rug, giving the girl a peck on the lips, both of their faces becoming engulfed in disgust.

“Matt you’re next” a random guy from across the circle says, causing Matt to rub his hands over his face

i put my hand on his knee and speak just loud enough for him to hear “you got it Matty” he just groans and leans forward to spin the bottle

it feels like an eternity has gone by when the bottle finally lands.

on me.

it’s not like i haven’t thought about kissing him before, but this was so… real.

a blush creeps it’s way onto my face which i cover with both of my palms, internally freaking the fuck out.

Chris had his fun teasing us, but eventually something needed to happen. i looked up from the floor to the boy next to me. “we don’t have to if you don’t want to, it’s just a dumb game” i explain, trying to avoid the awkward feeling forming in my stomach from the way he looks at me.

he thinks for a moment before shrugging. “i’m down if you’re down, just a game right?” he doesn’t know how that sentence makes me feel, my heart doing literal backflips inside my chest.

“okay” is all i say when he suddenly leans in, finger making its way to my chin to guide my lips to his.

the kiss is short lasting, but sweet. i didn’t realize i was craving the feeling of his lips on mine until i experienced it.

he pulls his lips off of mine but keeps his hand on my chin for a moment longer, remaining eye contact with me until Nick speaks again.

“okay that made everyone uncomfortable please get a room” he jokes and the game continues on for a while, drunken kisses being shared throughout the group.

but i can’t get my mind off of the way my best friends lips felt on mine, how right it felt. at least to me, it was just a dumb game to him, right?

After that night, Matt and i never mentioned kissing each other again, and everything went back to normal.

other than my feelings for him that i gained that night. i couldn’t get my mind off of his lips, how soft they were, how they fit like a puzzle piece onto my own. it felt like a dream.

but again, we decided to go back to normal.

however, normal, became well, not normal.

stolen stares became more common, and soft touches were now intentional.

unfortunately this didn’t stop him from dating other girls, and i mean why wouldn’t he? he kissed me once in some strangers basement, it’s not like he fell in love with me on the spot.

as his best friend i helped him get girls, telling him all the right things to say and do, constantly wishing he would do those things for me.

i knew i was torturing myself but he was my best friend and losing him was not worth telling him how i felt. so i kept it to myself. for years.

it wasn’t too bad at first. somehow i was able to keep him off my mind for the most part and i tried my best to find other potential suitors, but as you can probably imagine, nothing clicked.

when nick came out to me in junior year i was obviously thrilled, because it meant he trusted me and it was something that brought us together. but i also couldn’t help but feel guilty for not being honest about how i felt about his brother.

so i told him.

“no fucking way” he says, hands rubbing his eyes as if he just saw something traumatizing. i bit my lip, a bad habit i haven’t been able to shake, as i looked to him, awaiting a reaction. “you’re in love with my brother and i’m just now finding out?” he didn’t sound overly mad but he certainly wasn’t happy.

“i wouldn’t say in love” he just rolls his eyes. “i’m sorry! i just didn’t want you to be mad at me and it’s not like it’s ever gonna happen anyways so i didn’t think it was relevant” i ramble, fidgeting with my fingers anxiously. if Matt were here his hand would be placed in mine to calm me down.

“i’m not mad, i don’t think.” he thinks for a second, furrowing his eyebrows before speaking again “when did it start?” he asks

“sophomore year. in the basement” i feel so incredibly uncomfortable but i know that it’s only fair for Nick to know.

he’s confused for a moment before realizing “well shit” he contemplates in his head for a moment longer “i actually see it” he’s smiling now as he looks to me

“see what?” that’s all i can muster up the courage to say, still incredibly awkward saying these things out loud

“well like, i see it. like you guys together, i never thought about it before but it actually makes so much sense” the last thing i needed was Nick feeding into my delusions.

“yeah right, you don’t have to lie to me, i can live in peace knowing it’s a one sided thing that’s going nowhere” i reply, and it’s true. i came to terms with Matt not liking me back a long time ago.

“i’m not lying, i mean he’s definitely too stupid to realize what’s there but i fully believe that there is something there” nick says and i don’t really reply, now fidgeting with the ring Matt got me in freshman year. “but i’m glad you told me, now we can help each other, you find me a boyfriend and i get my brother to like you back”

i audibly laugh “i’ll definitely find you a boyfriend but you don’t have to worry about Matt and i, i’ll move on eventually”

3 years later and i still hadn’t moved on.

i mean it was definitely more of a repressed feeling, but still a feeling nonetheless. at this point it was a little embarrassing.

i tried dating around, but usually i got bored and gave up. i also tried casual hookups but it gets pretty boring having bad sex all the time.

and all of that brings me to tonight, at yet another “get together” with the all of the triplets friends and i can’t help but feel extremely out of place.

other than Nate and the triplets, i’m not actually friends with anyone here, and it doesn’t help that majority of them are influencers. so although i normally don’t drink, i needed to do something to get rid of the anxious feeling in my stomach that brews the longer i stay sober.

some rap song that i’ve never heard of is blasting in the back round and i get lost in my own thoughts for a moment. “you’re drinking?” Chris asks, now standing next to me as i lean against the kitchen counter. before he gets an answer he grabs the solo cup from my hand and takes a sip.

i roll my eyes and take the cup back. “you could not be less obnoxious if you tried Chris” i take another sip, if i could leave now i would, but i promised Nick that i’d stay.

“wow aren’t you just a bundle of joy right now” Chris fake smiles and goes to the island to pour himself a drink. “what’s got you in a bad mood?” he yells just loud enough to be heard over the music.

i’m not entirely sure how to answer the question. oh you know I’m just in love with your brother and he’s talking to three girls at once in the corner! yeah not happening. “nothing really, i just don’t love parties” i say, finishing my drink now to make room in my cup for another.

“mmm sure” Chris rubs my head and messes up my hair, same thing he’s been doing for years and it pisses me off every time, well except for now. i’m too preoccupied with literally anything else to care. “i think they’re starting a drinking game over there now if you care to join”

i look to the group of people who are now in the living room. normally i’d say no right away, especially with what happened last time i played a drinking game, but the alcohol is getting to me and the triplets are definitely not the only attractive guys at this party. “sure why not”

“that’s my girl” Chris smiles, dapping me up and we walk towards the living room together. i try my best to avoid looking at the girls drooling over Matt on the couch.

i’ve never drank before i definitely feel more confident as i sit next to some “influencer” i don’t know the name of, but he’s hot and Matt currently-

has his hand on some girls lap.

awesome!

“okay i think what we’re gonna do is like, truth or dare but if you don’t do either, then you take a shot” Nick explains “any objections?” he looks to me subtly but i choose to ignore him “alright, hm.. Nate truth or dare?”

the boy just smiles and sits up from his previously comfortable position on the couch. “i’ll do truth for now, i’m not drunk enough yet for dare” he jokes, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

“okay let me think” Nick replies, eyes darting upwards as if he’s looking into his head. “where was the weirdest place you’ve had sex?”

the room is filled with laughter and cheers momentarily before he answers. “alright i don’t even have a weird place because i’m not a freak like Chris over there but probably just the car” Nate explains

“i feel targeted right now” Chris says, holding his hands to his heart as if he’s been shot.

i continue to sip on the drink in my hand for a few more rounds before my own name is called by Chris. “okay Abi truth or dare?” he smirks, assuming I’m going to play it safe.

“dare”

my thoughts are confirmed when everyone in the room shares the same shocked expression as Chris. “alrighty then i need to pick a good one” the long hair boy rubs his head, attempting to think of something good. “oh i have one” he smiles and i know it’s gonna be something crazy by the way his eyes glimmer. “i dare you to give a hickey to the hottest person in this room”

my jaw literally drops. as much as i’d rather not suck on someone’s neck in a room full of people, i know that if i take the shot now i’ll never live it down. “bet” i smile, trying to come off as confident although i am literally shitting myself. i look around and of course i make eye contact with Matt.

normally, i wouldn’t do something so irrational, but i’m 4 drinks in and feeling the need to prove myself.

i make eye contact with him again after looking around and i swallow my pride and place myself on his lap. “this good?” i ask him quietly. he just nods and well i get to work, placing a few teasing kisses along his jaw before picking a spot and sucking until i pull away and see a mark. “there all done” i pat him on the head and sit back in my original spot.

“well fuck okay then” Madi laughs with Nick from across the room, a few more rounds go by, some of them literally causing me to piss myself laughing, when abruptly, Matt stands up and literally b lines to his room. everyone makes their remarks on “tuff guy” Matt but i can’t help but feel bad. i’m not sure why i feel guilty, i don’t think i did anything wrong, but i can tell he’s upset and i’d hate to be the cause of it.

just as i’m about to get up Chris’s hand places itself on my leg. “don’t worry about him, trust me he’s fine. you deserve to have fun” he looks at me with a sort of seriousness in his eyes that causes me to slouch back down into my seat.

the rest of the night is filled with my own thoughts about Matt.

was it something i did? was he angry? sad? why didn’t he say anything? where is he? what is he doing right now?

as his best friend i know i should be in there comforting him the way he had done to me countless times but for whatever reason, what Chris said stuck with me, so instead i sat and watched a bunch of dumb 20 something-year olds play truth or dare at 1am. not my idea of a fun time.

authors note: next chapter will be very similar to this one but by chapter 3 there will be fun angst trust🤞

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo edit #matt girl #nicolas sturniolo

176 notes · View notes

overnowsfcb · 5 months

Text

worth it for once; pedri

summary: sometimes the show must not go on. what happens when the curtains fall?

warnings: angst, smut (dom!pedri, pool sex, hickey, blow job (v), masturbation and self-masturbation (p), pet names) mature language, abuse of alcohol, toxic relationship dynamics, emotional distress. if any of these topics makes you uncomfortable, i advise against reading this story.

word count: 5.9k

note: hi! first of all i wanted to thank everyone who interacted with 'halfway out the door', you don't even know how much it means to me that people can read my stories. i knew i said i would do some fluff, but i feel like im not good at it. i cant seem to let the reader be happy can i? (this fic is so long i feel like i got a bit carried away)

p.s.: this is my first time ever writing smut, im sorry if its too bad. also! 'halfway out the door' has ninety percent of possibility to have a second part.

p.s. 2: the party ended an hour ago and he still there. another thing that i wanted to say is that FOR ME 'slut!' is not a love song so that is my reason for this, i take my interpretation of the song and write it down — venus 🫂💐🫧

The sun's rays slipped through the white curtain covering the partially open window, letting in the morning breeze. You nestled in the sheets, still drowsy, but as you did, you snapped wide awake, realizing once again that Pedri wasn't by your side.

You turned over, hoping it was a dream, but the only remnants of him in the room were his lingering scent and memories of the night before, replaying in your mind.

The way he touched you, tracing each of the invisible scars left by your previous lovers who sought only their own pleasure, using you to their liking without paying attention to your desires.

He was different. His kisses felt like a religious experience, filling you with an ever-growing sense of fulfillment. Nothing wrapped around you more securely than the feeling of having him inside of you, merging under the lustful gaze of the moon that welcomed you on a tailor-made altar, adorned with soft sheets and sensations that turned into a celestial orchestra.

And although the next day, perhaps his flaws became evident, your infatuation took you beyond, closing the curtain of the stage within your mind; you didn't have to be displeased or critical when admiring a work of art, right?

When the strength left from the previous night was regained under pressure, and your mind returned to the frosty present, you sat up in bed, feeling your head heavy, needing to blink several times to clear the blurriness that clouded your eyes due to sleep.

Your feet rested on the wooden floor. You didn’t want to face another day with the pain of the mandatory conviction your heart held towards your mind, aiming it with a gun if it tried to move from there.

You sighed with closed eyes and gathered your clothes scattered around the room. When you finished dressing, you approached the window and inhaled a breath of air to refresh your thoughts.

You left your room; the squeak of the door echoed through the house, signaling to Elena that you had already woken up. You couldn't lie; you were afraid to face her.

She, your best friend since you desperately looked for someone to share an apartment with after the owners of your previous apartment unjustly left you out in the cold.

She, who warmly welcomed you full of empathy and commiseration, helped you deal with the storm by receiving you in a studio apartment with an air mattress. She became the person you adored most in the whole world and never lacked frankness in her words.

Both of you moved forward together; now, you succeeded in modeling, and you could search for something much more comfortable living now in a pent-house, but always side by side.

You arrived at the spacious kitchen connected to the dining room and were met with an exquisite aroma, akin to the dishes she professionally prepared. You tied your hair in a ponytail and moved the chair to sit facing the counter.

Crossed fingers and your chin resting on your hands, you noticed she expected your presence when she twisted her torso, leaving a plate with toast and homemade raspberry jam on the marble counter in front of you.

You waited a moment to grab one of the perfectly made toasts and spread the jam in the toast; you felt the tension in the air. You knew of her disapproving stance regarding your situation with Pedri, and you knew she was preparing the usual sermon.

"Want to say something about it?" It was as if she had read your mind; turning her back, you sat up straighter on the stool, your distressed chest making your heart pump more blood than usual.

"No," you replied dryly, as you took a bite of toast.

"Alright, then it'll be up to me." You felt fear travel up your spine to the buzzing in your head and a high-pitched tone ringing in your ears.

You tried to breathe normally, but it was impossible. Her actions guided your eyes; she put the angel food cake in the oven and turned around, sitting on the stool in front of you, looking at you incredulously.

"He left at seven in the morning. When was the last time he stayed the following morning with you? I know you don't want to hear this, and I understand that you're into him. But don't let that blind you from what's really happening here. You're too intelligent for this, too good for someone who treats you like an option." Her words were always harsh, and she never hesitated to tell you the bleak truth without flinching. But it wasn't what you needed now, and her words were insignificant in front of the formidable figure that Pedri occupied in your mind.

There were very few people who dared to challenge your perspective, and Elena was brave enough to do it, even though her attempts always ended in defeats.

And defeats consisted in your denial, where you decided to take off your glasses after seeing what was there. You knew it existed and acknowledged it deep down, but hearing someone throw out statements so lightly without knowing him in the homely intimacy where he could unfold without prejudices, was something only you could discover.

The 'Open Sesame' didn't work with all tones, and not everyone acquired the privilege of opening such a treasure. So, you assumed it was envy.

"Maybe it’s a mess, maybe it’s complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth a damn!" Your voice began to rise in volume the more anger you vented at her, who was innocent of it all. You noticed her furrowed brow, her attempts to help, every time she threw you a lifeline, you chose to ignore it, believing you could swim the remaining yards to shore alone.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to find a balance, but your aggressiveness seemed to have reached its peak.

"I’ll sort it out myself, alright?" You exhaled, continuing your defense. "So just back off, Ele. I’m sick of needing your approval for everything. I’ll make my choices, even if they’re not in your rulebook." You spoke with a passive-aggressive tone. "You think you know him? You have no clue, none whatsoever." You got up from your seat, giving the countertop a light tap, and shook your head indignantly.

"I just want what's best for you, y/n," She whispered, looking you in the eyes with honesty. You headed towards the door disappearing from her sight.

You knew that she wanted to protect you like she did from the very first moment.

Despite being your age, she showed herself to be more mature than you. You were like her baby chick, and she had the instinct to keep you under her wings, but she had to admit that you had to learn defense by yourself.

And sometimes you need to fail to build your path.

There was no better remedy in your routine than drowning yourself in work to stop thinking about all the dilemmas surrounding your life. At least for a few hours.

Growing within the fashion industry was difficult without contacts; if you wanted to achieve something, you had to consider the hurdles you might carry in your backpack. But your resilience and pride prevented anyone else, terrified of having a future of subordination, from winning.

Today's meetings were about agreements for your brand, a dream that grew with you from your mom reading you bedtime stories to the present day.

You had put so much effort and creativity into your project that, regardless of what happened externally, your priority would always be there. No affair or argument could steer you away from that.

All your distractions due to logical thoughts vanished upon arriving at your apartment. You turned on the lights; Elena had left you a message informing you that she would stay at her boyfriend's house for the night.

Your home felt empty without her blasting music through the speakers and constant movements around the house. You cracked your neck, leaving your faux leather coat on the entryway rack. You lazily tossed your bag onto the couch, sitting beside it. You unbuckled your heels, freeing your feet.

A contained sigh escaped your nostrils, easing your chest a bit. You heard thousands of notifications coming from your bag. Worried, you unzipped it and searched for the phone, unsure of what was happening.

You glanced at the news headlines and the numerous social media posts where you were being tagged. You thought you had successfully escaped last time. The carefully revised alibi by both managers to divert media attention from your relationship had been futile.

But it seemed not entirely effective; without any evidence or concrete proof, just a blurry and deficient photo was enough for them to create a compelling scene for the public.

You clicked on a specific article; its name caught your attention, "The New Target of Love: The Boy in Her Chaos - Will He Survive?" You knew it wasn't the smartest decision you could make; the echoes of the voices of the people closest to you resonated in your ears. But you were alone and had nothing better to do at that moment.

The devil on your right shoulder encouraged and forced you to keep reading; with each sentence and word, your tear ducts were ready to expel the salty drops from your eyes.

You couldn't understand why journalists consistently targeted your romantic relationships instead of focusing on your professional endeavors, where you worked, and strived every day to show the world that you were more than just a pretty face. But in a sexist world, you had to accept without a murmur the things they wrote without any pity, driven by money and interactions.

Had you signed up for this life, or was it something gradually inserted into your brain about what it had to be?

You found yourself seated at your computer with a bottle of wine by your side, seemingly engrossed in reading each of the articles criticizing you and perpetuating a negative reputation of yourself.

You had poured a small amount of the burgundy liquid into your glass. Some sort of masochism consumed you, and without noticing, you began to pour more and more wine into the glass, your heart filling with misery, pausing at every clever word that defined your identity on the internet. Because all of the words seemed monotone.

Until the glass was no longer enough to swallow the bitter pill, you stared at the bottle, contemplating your next move. You shrugged and reached for the bottle with difficulty, your vision truly distorted, no longer having a sense of space.

You leaned back in the couch and took a long swig that burned your throat, feeling your heart rate rise.

You decided you had gone too far, abruptly leaving the computer on the table in front of you. When you tried to get up, you fell backward by inertia, unbalanced. That's when you realized you weren't even paying attention to the news but mindlessly scrolling your mouse.

The tears you had been holding back for over an hour and a half streamed down your cheeks immediately. Now, you couldn't turn back and felt trapped within your own uncontrollable body.

Gut-wrenching sobs made your body tremble, and at that moment, all you could think of was his touch, how every time you cried, he carefully wiped your cheeks and assured you that this too shall pass.

With tears and alcohol blurring your vision, it wasn't hard to find his number as you had it pinned in your messaging app. You opened his chat and immediately tapped the call icon.

You placed your phone to your ear, hearing the beeps from the other end, while your body, consumed by sorrow, couldn't help but continue shedding tears.

You perceived a noticeable change from silence to a clear indication that the call had been answered. You tried to stifle your crying by biting your lip, but it seemed this battle wouldn't let you emerge victorious.

"Love, are you crying?" You wanted to respond, but his voice only intensified your desire to cry; you longed to feel his warmth. You still didn't understand why you decided to go this far. "y/n, I'm worried. Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?" You tried to take a deep breath to provide an answer.

You wiped your tears with the back of your hand and then placed it on your chest, trying to assist in the calming process. "It's so exhausting." These were the words that came out of your mouth as you exhaled.

He still didn't understand exactly what you were talking about, but you kept talking. "I think I can't be with you anymore." Your voice came out strained; you truly didn't want to say those words. You clung to the arm of the chair with one hand, squeezing it, waiting to hear the response on the other side.

"What?" He couldn't comprehend how he had woken up at two in the morning, and you were talking about cutting ties. "Love, listen to me. Why don't you go to sleep, and tomorrow, we spend the day at the country house?" On the other end of the line, he easily realized the moment he picked up that you were drunk.

"Okay." You affirmed with a nod, resting your head on the armrest, and lifting your feet to stretch out on the sofa. "I love you a lot." Your face contracted again, a sign that tears would return.

"You too." He replied, and you were the one who ended the call, slightly calmer about the reflections the articles had left and the incoherent thoughts that had arisen from them.

You left the phone by your side and curled up, hugging yourself, seeking warmth without the help of a blanket. You closed your eyes, praying that the world would change radically tomorrow, although you knew it was an unlikely hope. You never wished more than for whoever was in the sky to give you a new chance to love in the right way.

You needed to believe in someone; you needed assistance from the universe to not lose the hope that once brought you immense joy. But perhaps genuine love was like Santa Claus, and sooner or later, it would crumble like any other ingenious belief.

And like a shrewd child who receives his Christmas gifts with the same enthusiasm even after learning the hidden truth, you dipped your feet into the transparent chlorinated water.

He watched each of your movements attentively, leaning on one of the pool edges. You plunged, soaking your entire body, and swam towards his direction, resurfacing enveloped in laughter with him.

He embraced you, sharing some of his warmth to your cold body due to the sudden change in the water, and you placed your hands around his waist, looking up at him from his chest.

"I love you so much." You bit your lip, seeking an outlet for your love. He rested his hands on your cheeks and began planting short kisses that spread across your entire face.

"I love you more." He reciprocated, giving two gentle taps on your legs. You jumped, and he took you into his arms grabbing your ass.

Quickly, he changed his position, leaving your back resting on the cold pool wall. The chills went up through your spinal cord, fusing the temperature of the edge and its expression, which never went out of style to make you think that everything you needed was there, with him.

You ran his sculpted shoulders with your palms open, feeling his muscles and intertwined your fingers behind his neck, brushing his hair.

Your lips brushed, and you could feel the electricity that could arise from a simple and minimal contact.

He brought his face to you, holding you tight against the concrete.

It was undeniable the indissoluble bond tied by the threads that led you each time to the same situation, and the core of your life was nourished by its bond.

As your lips collided with fervor, eager to quell the fervent passion, you pulled him closer with your legs still entwined around his waist. Feeling his hardness against your core ignited arousal as he pressed himself firmly, and both of you gasped in the midst of the kiss at the electrifying contact.

Your lips didn't want to part, too hungry for each other's sweet taste. You caught his lower lip between your teeth, pulling it gently to invite your tongue into his mouth. It had become sloppy as you lightly tugged his hair, eliciting a groan.

His hand stealthily ascended, never parting from your lips, traveling from your ass to the back of your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

His tender lips traced a pattern from your cheeks to your neck. You tilted your head back, offering more of your skin for his exploration.

Expertly, his fingers unraveled the straps of your bikini with a single pull, still nestled in your neck. As the air grazed your tightened nipples, your breath hitched when he took one between his fingers, fidgeting and further intensifying the sensation.

Your sensitive boobs elicited desperate whimpers as he continued grinding against you, creating a symphony of pleasure. The air thickened, and your bodies radiated heat.

His lips passionately suctioned a spot, causing your eyes to roll. You were well aware that he would leave a hickey there.

Moving from your neck, his lips trailed down to your collarbone. Frustration built as he skillfully teased the sides of your breasts, deliberately avoiding the attention where you craved it most.

"Pedri, please..." You gently tugged his strands, prompting him to lift his head. Counterfeit innocence gleamed in his pupils.

"What do you need, amor? Tell me, is there something I can do for you?" His gentle caress graced your cheek, and you melted into his simmering touch.

"Please..." He ceased grinding, his hand swiftly traversing to your neck, as your hand descended, grazing his abs.

"If only you could see this beautiful hickey right now," He whispered, tracing the mark and toying with you, his actions inviting your response as he often did.

It was exasperating; no matter how frequently you found yourself in such moments with him, articulating your desires remained a challenge.

"Just do something," you uttered, a touch of despondency in your voice, pouting with pleading eyes. Yet, he remained resolute.

"I just don't know what you want." He shook his head, gently placing a strand of hair behind your ear, mimicking your pout with a teasing tone.

"Alright... just please, babe, suck my tits," you replied with a hint of frustration. His corners lifted, forming a smile, having successfully achieved his goal.

"There she is, that's my good girl, aren't you?" You couldn't help but nod several times steadfastily, just wanting him to stop playing.

His face vanished from your sight as he covered one of your breasts with his mouth. A loud moan escaped your throat, a sound of satisfaction for him as he moved his tongue, savoring your skin. "Was it that difficult?" He gazed at you once more, and you sighed in irritation, prompting him to raise his eyebrows, questioning your actions.

"No." Your fingers traced his chest as he continued sucking with determination.

Moving lower, you reached the edge of the swim trunks' fabric. However, as you did, he pulled away with a frown. "Who said you could touch?" You mirrored his expression confused.

"Last night, you scared me a lot. Do you think it was funny for me? No, so you can't decide who's having fun, okay?" Your chest felt heavy, yet you found a strange allure in his dominant low voice, even though you wanted to object.

"I thought..." He wrapped his hand around your neck, pulling you back and shutting your mouth with his thumb. He watched as you sucked it, humming and biting his plump lips.

"You didn't think shit. Now, jump." He firmly gripped your hips, lifting you effortlessly to the pool's edge. Seated, you patiently awaited his guidance, uncertainty accelerating your heartbeat.

Intense eye contact heightened the tension. His fingers delicately traced over your thighs, starting from the outer part, then gently grazing your clothed intimacy. He devoured you with his gaze.

"Lean back for me, baby." You did as he pleased leaning in your elbows.

He tapped on your thighs, a signal to lift your hips, and he removed the sole fabric covering your body and throwing it to your side. He took your legs and placing them over his shoulders. Spreading you open. A groan escaped him at the sight, reveling in your arousal.

"So wet, just for me," he murmured, running his fingers through your folds, collecting your juices and parting your lips to spread the liquids.

You pressed closer, yearning for more. "Just for you." Suddenly, a firm spank on your sensitive area made you shudder, and you gasped. "Behave," he commanded, throwing you a dominant look.

Circling your clit, he gradually increased the pace. Tilted back, moans escaped uncontrollably. Another spank followed, and you met his gaze. "Keep your eyes on me, princess. Watch as I pleasure you like no one else could."

His words wielded a powerful influence in every scenario. Returning to your pussy, he made his way to slip two fingers inside you easily as you were soaked by now. The reflex to close your eyes surfaced, but his commanding words echoed in your mind.

He initiated a rhythmic motion, penetrating and withdrawing, targeting your most sensitive depths, obscene wet sounds, thumb still teasing your bud. Overwhelmed by the intensity, you sought stability, bringing your index finger to your mouth, biting down to anchor yourself. "You can grab my hair, baby," he suggested, prompting a satisfying sigh as you obediently followed his directive.

As the synchronization of your movements intensified, he decided to elevate the pleasure further. His mouth joined the sensual dance, lasciviously spitting your core, eliciting a contented hum from you.

As his mouth drew near your clit, enveloping it ably, a scream escaped your lips, worthy of a scene of a pornographic film. His name slipped through your mouth, an inadvertent encouragement that fueled his tenacity to excel, delve deeper, move faster, and render you numb in ecstasy.

In the intimacy, he displayed a reflection of his approach on the field, always seeking ways to enhance and achieve peak performance, a relentless pursuit of reaching his full potential at what he knew he was one of the bests, even when he didn't want to admit it.

There was no sweeter melody than your filthy moans. His crotch throbbed aching, aware that just a few pumps would make him reach his climax. But he needed to focus on you first, even though he rolled his hips against the concrete, trying to calm down his needs.

He groaned, shutting his eyes and digging his tongue into your hole. Your legs entwined around his neck, the tight knot of pleasure building as you moved your hips in tandem with the rhythm of his tongue.

"Pedri, I'm..." You shouted, the words hanging in the air unfinished, as he entered both, fingers with tongue, increasing the pace with each successive motion.

He opened his eyes again, locking onto yours, brimming with passion beneath the sun. His nose brushing against your clit, combined with his bambi-like eyes in contrast to the authority he held over you, escalate the moment as you tightly grasped his hair, evoking the release of your juices.

He couldn't help but stop pressing against the wall and squeeze his shaft inescapably, captivated by the way you adhered to what he said, even if it meant he had to assert control with a firm hand, correcting your inclination to lean back a few times.

He loved how obedient you were and how your body reacted.

Your high-pitched sounds spurred him to slip his hand inside his swim trunks, almost moaning at the sensations created by his own touch and the enticing arch of your back. He found himself immersed in the sweet taste and intoxicating fragrance that surrounded him.

He went up and down with his hand on his dick fervently, trembling in sync with you. "Are you going to come, my love? Do it for me," his deep voice making you feel so close. You played with one of your hardened nipples between your fingers. You affirmed with the other hand on his hair, and he hummed against you in response. "Oh, my god." you mumbled.

His vibrations heightened your euphoria, and the combination of his tongue and fingers left you feeling overstimulated. As you screamed arching your back, you became undone, laying flat, straightening your arms at your side and shuddering as you felt him persisting in his ministrations.

Too blind to reach his own pleasure to think about anything else, he continued pounding his dick, gripping his tip as he parted his lips, releasing ecstatic sounds and feeling the reverberations across his body. Leaning against your abdomen, he sensed his shots filling his shorts as he lowered his pace.

You tenderly ran your fingers through his sweaty hair, both basking in the tranquility of the moment as his chest rose and fell. Minds empty.

"Come here, baby," you whispered. He propelled himself up from the water and leaned flat at your side.

As you lay down on the cold poolside with him, he placed his hand on your waist, burying his head in your neck. He rubbed his nose, sensing how your perfume delicately mixed with expelled pheromones, obtaining a small giggle from you.

You swung your leg over his waist, leaning your chest towards him, and stroked his wet hair.

"Thank you," you smiled with closed eyes, sighing. "It's just what I needed."

"I like hearing that," he said, pulling away from your neck to look into your eyes. You looked like a fallen angel with your smudged mascara, swollen lips, tired eyes, and blush spreading across your cheeks.

His gaze instinctively dropped to your neck, observing the love mark on your skin. Though in his mind, he still questioned if this was truly love.

Without delving too much into his thoughts, he gently pecked your lips.

"Pedri..." you sighed, coming down from the adrenaline rush. Sitting up, you supported yourself with your hands and looked at him, recalling internet articles and Elena's words.

"Already want to talk about that?" he asked, huddled up, absorbing the remaining sunlight.

"I'm going to shower," you said, rising from the ground, creating a space for anticipation, allowing him to process and reflect. You knew the house perfectly, having visited many times with the understanding that no one could see you and spend the entire day together.

But meaningful memories were scarce, and you clung to them, hoping that someday it could be more than the fear of being seen together, unable to go to a restaurant or travel together.

You entered the shower, letting the cold water make you reconsider your beliefs. You trusted that, for the first time, you had found something real, a gentleman who stood out in the world of ordinary men, wanting to keep you safe.

You also trusted that you would walk on nails and endure all the thorns of a rose just to be with him. But genuinely, love should be about facing painful situations to prove love for a person, or love should feel welcoming, a place where you would stay for eternity if it had to be so?

You analyzed it, the rain falling on you as you cleaned your body. You wouldn't stay with Pedri; he never felt like a place where you could unload all your baggage without fear.

After all, coming from past relationships, he was your sanctuary at first, stemming from more deficient and unstable experiences. You couldn't stop the solitary tear that escaped your eye.

Since the night you met, you should have realized that nothing good could come from something that was supposed to be just for a night. But you didn't want to listen.

You left the shower, unable to continue ruminating in your head without fainting in the attempt. The drops that weren't allowed to fall from your tear ducts were released by your hair.

You grabbed your clothes, still absorbed in your thoughts. When you finished dressing, you placed your hand on the doorknob. Behind it lay the definition of the future of this strange relationship, and the confrontation was something that terrified you.

You walked into the living room to find him seated, wrestling with his thoughts, head bowed, facing away. Approaching him, you crossed your arms in front of his neck and hugged him, taking in his freshly scented and the slight dampness of his hair. He looked at you wearily, unsure of what would happen, and you gave him a kiss on the cheek before sitting next to him on the gray sofa.

You took his hand with love; you couldn't deny that, despite everything, he had been the source of most of your joys in the last four months. You took a deep breath before letting it out and started speaking.

"Are you mine?" His hand tensed, and his brow furrowed. He didn't understand where such a sudden question came from.

"What?" He responded confused, almost pulling away from you.

"Are you mine or not?" You still hoped for a more certain answer.

"I don't understand where your question is coming from." His expression showed he had never really thought about something like that. At least, was there some kind of feeling for you in his heart? You wondered which person you had been with all this time.

"Just answer it." You let go of his hand; your voice carried a tone of desperation and anguish. You knew you wouldn't get anywhere, but you still needed to cling to the few hopes that remained.

"I don't understand what you mean by 'yours'; we never talked about..." He tried to make another excuse in front of your eyes. It felt as if he were treating you like a little girl, who would eventually leave the question unanswered once she got tired.

"I need to know where we stand! Do you want to be with me or not?" You no longer knew why you kept trying about something that wouldn't change. You stood up from the sofa, and he avoided looking at you.

"Why do you have to make it so complicated? We're just having fun." He shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head. That response could have been worse than a straightforward no.

"Having fun? Do you think I'm with you to have fun with how the media calls me a slut, Pedro?" You shook your head in disbelief, letting out a bitter, pained laugh. "Four months enduring your ambiguities while defending you in front of my friends, saying you needed time." Your voice faltered, recalling all the arguments you had faced, thinking that at some point, everything would change.

"I didn't think you felt that way." He detached himself from his actions, as if it were so simple. Still avoiding eye contact.

"You said you loved me! Did you ever feel genuine love for me?" Your heart tightened; all this couldn't be a big lie where you were the only one playing a game that was already resolved.

"I don't know." He whispered, unsure of how you would react to such an unsure yet determinant answer. Your eyes blurred with contained tears; you couldn't cry like this in front of him.

"You knew everything you were doing; you knew that I was yours, and you didn't care." You screamed, desperate for him to show some emotion, to show that something of everything you had experienced had a hint of reality.

"It wasn't like that." He replied in the same flat tone, this time looking at you and realizing the tears that were falling, while you were motionless, feeling the room spin around you, and your ears ringing again.

"It was exactly like that." You had been sincere from your first conversation, under that neon light on a private yacht. A party where you didn't want to be, he approached you for that simple reason; you were the only girl who hadn't looked at him.

And you had found someone whom you thought had the will and power to heal all your wounds. But you ended up dancing with shadows in glass, with something ephemeral that you thought could be eternal. While you ended up being one of the many prey in his history.

"I gave you everything, I told you about my past and how I needed someone to trust, and you ended up being like everyone else." You released a silent sob and headed towards the room, where you had left your backpack. You were supposed to spend a weekend together, and now everything was withered. Your feigned acts of believing that magic still existed were in vain.

"Where are you going?" You gasped, bumping into him in the door frame; he placed his hands on your shoulders, concerned.

"I called Elena; she'll come to pick me up." You hadn't even talked to your best friend when you sneaked away with Pedri at noon; she would do everything to stop you from leaving, and you preferred not to tell her. But she, without hesitation, as soon as you asked, was already on her way.

"We can try to fix it." You knew he was only offering the response your ears craved. But you weren't going to fall for his spells. This time, his method of still having your strings to manipulate you like a puppet wouldn't work.

"I won't be with someone who never cared about me." You walked to the door, lowering the latch, and turned around once more; he looked at you from a considerable distance. He wasn't going to try to stop you, and that was what hurt the most. "Good luck, Pedro."

You left the house, and the evening air enveloped you. You walked along the walkway made of rocks, each step feeling heavier than the last. Another relationship failing, another person disappointing and discarding you like a crumpled note, forgotten in the margins of a story that never reached its intended conclusion.

Your tears flowed freely down your cheeks now that you weren't facing him. You stood on the street, waiting for Elena to arrive. She had every right to tell you 'I told you so,' and she would be justified.

You saw her black car approaching from the end of the street, parking right in front of you. You hesitated for a moment to get in, embarrassed to ignore someone who only sought your happiness.

She rolled down the window, and your eyes locked inviting you in. Opening the door, she extended her arms, offering solace. Tears streamed down your face as you looked for refuge on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Ele." You lifted your head, and she gently wiped away your tears. Shaking her head, she dismissed your apologies.

"I'll always be here by your side. You're the one who needs to learn, but I'll never leave you adrift, okay?" You pouted, and your tears continued to flow.

You both settled back into your seats, stealing glances at the house. A part of you lingered there, and a lump formed in your throat. You sensed that distancing yourself was the only thing that could save you from descending into delirium. Now, you must gather the fragments of your heart once more and rebuild it on your own.

Your eyes went directly to the hickey he had left. You wanted to rip that skin off, not wanting to have him in your memories in any way.

Leaning your head against the window, you wondered what could have been if fame hadn't been the haunting specter in your life. You guessed that you will never actually know.

#pedri x reader #pedri angst #pedri smut #pedri x you #pedri x y/n #football x reader #football imagine #football angst #football smut #pedri imagine

226 notes · View notes

schizopositivity · 2 years

Text

how to advocate for schizophrenics and psychotics in every day life:

correct people when they misuse the word "psychotic" (as in if they use it in any other way but a serious disconnect from reality, delusions or hallucinations)

correct people when they use the word "schizophrenic" as an adjective (its not!!! its a severe and persistant mental disorder)

correct people when they call people "crazy" aka "shes been acting crazy lately" (they likely dont actually mean it and this word is thrown around a lot, but as a schizophrenic im asking you to not use this word to describe people since this has been tied to me and my fellow psychotics for ages)

do not assume that a psychotic person is dangerous in any way (psychotic people are more likely to be the victims of abuse than be the abusers)

when talking about mental illness or the mental illness community as a whole consider, does this apply to psychotic and schizophrenic people as well? (if not, youre not talking about the whole community! its that simple)

do not purposley trigger someones paranoia aka telling people that theres someone after them (this is always harmful and potentially life threatening, its not a joke and never was)

dont assume schizophrenia is "just hallucinations and delusions" (its much more than that, it has negative and cognitive symptoms as well, which for some people is much worse than the positive symptoms of hallucinations and delusions)

dont make lobotomy jokes aka "lobotomize me" jokes (these procedures were used to turn schizophrenics into "pets" so that other people could better deal with us, its not a joke)

dont act "crazy" for shock value aka wide eyes, rocking back and fourth, shaking (our mannerisms arent for you to pretend to be crazy with, this is who we actually are, im looking at you rock bands)

dont fear the people on the street talking to themselves aka calling the cops on them (these people are suffering, these people need help, them being psychotic doesnt make them any more dangerous than anybody else)

dont use the word delusional for every idea you dont agree with aka "that conservative politician is delusional!" (delusions specifically describe strongly held beliefs outside of reality, not just beliefs outside youre specific world view)

dont expect people to express emotions the same way you do aka "why arent you reacting?" (many schizophrenics stuggle with flat affect and cant change it, it doesnt mean we dont feel things, just that we dont express them the same way)

dont expect us to be able to do the same amount of, or intensity of work you do aka "i work 5 days a week, you have it easy!" (executive disfunction is very common in schizophrenia, it doesnt make us lazy, we are just disabled)

dont post derealization without tagging it or TWing it as such aka that post with a fake european country saying that americans dont even know what country this is (we already struggle enough with figuring out whats real and whats not we dont need "pranks" or "jokes" trying to fool us without any TW)

dont assume schizophrenic and psychotic people cant see your post or view your media or anything else (we are real people interacting with the world just like everybody else, we can see your jokes about us, or your media portraying us as dangerous, we arent fictional characters)

dont assume youre superior to, or smarter than us (once again we are real people, we deserve the same respect as anyone else on the planet)

dont call someones delusion stupid aka "obviously youre not the reincarnation of kurt cobain thats stupid" (you have no idea how real these are for us, they dont always make sense to you but they do to us, please respect that)

dont ask if were hallucinating right now (its none of youre business! and if we say yes youll likely ask where it is, and if we show you youll likely look in the direction of the hallucination which is dangerous, it blends the real world with the hallucination and its already hard enough for us to tell the difference)

dont stop trusting us and what we say just because were psychotic (we still deserve to be listened to and trusted just like everybody else)

learn about less talked about symotoms like catatonia, avolition and word salad (these are just as common as the talked about ones, but just less talked about cause i guess it doesnt make for an intresting horror movie)

learn more about schizophrenia and psychosis from actual schizophrenics and psychotics (a great example is the podcast Inside Schizophrenia, scrolling through this blog, looking up students with psychosis)

TLDR: no go back and read it, its the least you could do

#schizophrenia #psychosis #schizophrenic #nd #mental illness #neurodivergent #actuallyschizophrenic #pseriouslypsychotic #mental health awareness #mental health #sanism #ableism #tw delusions #schizo #schizo spec #crazy #advocacy

1K notes · View notes

devine-fem · 23 days

Note

ion remember who said that but someone here said that bruce is a bad parent but he loves his sons and that's so true.

He's done bad things but he hasn't done them out of genuine assholery, like he genuinely cares but bro has no clue on how to deal with the kids emotions.

And that doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. Maybe a bad parent but he isn't some evil abuser like the other side of the fandom makes him out to be, and he isn't a saint who loves to shelter kids like a mother hen either...

y'all need to start allowing people to do bad things cuz they DO. Parents can be emotionally abusive or give a kid trauma without even realizing. And it's sad that for Damian we have to fit him into either A: Talia hits him and tortures him B: Bruce hits him or tortures him or C: they're both angels of parents 😭 or D where they both do it ig

Need Damian's trauma to be such that you cant exactly place the blame on someone, but it's there and it's bad. IDK IF I MAKE SENSE UGHHHH

No, stop. Imagine going from a world where you’re not allowed to become emotionally attached to anything and you’re proned to violence for survival. Then you go form that to an emotionally distant and neglectful father who has been proned to violence since his 20s and has you go straight into breaking criminal necks in yellow suits.

Mind you, the only person who thought it’s be a good idea to have Damian completely taken out of their lives as they were was Talia Al Ghul. She wanted to give him up to adoption in secret so he wouldn’t have to grow up in the league or with Bruce Wayne.

Imagine your parents love you to death but just that, it’s always to death: they can never just show you like a normal person what loves supposed to be. They always gotta show it differently and how confusing that must be for a child?

We simply do not ignore the bad things Bruce does to Damian like we do Talia but I do and I always will. The morrison run was too important to Damian’s story to ignore and City of Bane, etc was too important an event to ignore. Fortunately, we have cognitive thought and can determine what’s in character and that even bad actions doesn’t mean these characters just always had bad intentions. Damian will always be their baby boy, they love him so much but unfortunately… they love him in a way that accommodates for both their seperate missions… which is why he’s so between two worlds…

I truly couldn’t like Talia, Bruce and Damian if they were exempted from all bad action; it’s fun only when there’s complexity… I don’t read these comics for family feels anyway but I also take this things head on because well, they did them and it can’t be ignored how we wish it could.

#damian wayne #bruce wayne #batfam #talia al ghul #dc comics #asks

56 notes · View notes

sarejima · 2 months

Note

i am a starving child and am requesting kyman fanfics to soothe my hunger (PLS recommend ME SOME)

OMG YAY SOMEBODY ASKED ME SMTH IM SO HAPPY AMSBSDB

Unfortunately I'm a green and inexperienced mother but I'll do my best!! (thisll be long as i cant keep from waxing poetic about fics i like)-

The love of my life and one of the best things I've had the pleasure of reading period is “Know your Enemy” by Elsen. It's beyond perfect to me enough so that even though it may never be finished I'm sort of satisfied. Eric's characterisation is beautiful and literally just as hilarious as in the show itself with the way he schemes and jumps over nonsensical hoops in his head in order to satisfy his self image in processing his feelings for Kyle and unwitting desires to submit to him. The plot and setting in and of themselves also somehow complement his absurdity. Also has just the right amount of perversion. (Okay I'm done sorry)

Another genius Cartman channelfic that I was audibly giggling at due to the insanity of his mental gymnastics is "I crush everything" by Rainbow_Convection which is quite short and mainly deals with him "processing" his feelings

(The above person is really good at writing compellingly about manic impulses and emotions so check out their other fics too)

On a similar note and also exploring implications of Cartmans outright deluded conscious, this time through Kyle's perspective, is 'Imaginationland 4: a tale of two Kyles' by Sinshipsahoy where it's revealed to Kyle (in increasingly horrifying ways) that Cartman's mind is (literally) swarming with him.

(This guy also has a worryingly well written corpse desecration fic so if that's your cup of tea)

In the 'I'm with Stupid' series by numbknee Eric gets together with Kyle and is annoying and fiercely loveable and everything's great until Kyle realises that sadly Cartman's views on relationships/love in general- but especially with Kyle, his 'enemy'- had been significantly skewed from the start due to an aversion to vulnerability, stunting their progress. I especially like the fourth and last fic/chapter.

Kinda depressing but in 'Sharing Last Names' by serpenrzbreath an adult Cartman's Kyle obsession is partly due to lamenting, while in the depths of denial, his own collosal wasted potential as over the years wasted rotting and room-bound due to severe mental instability but also just lack of trying, one of the only things grounding his shame is Kyle's comparative success, and when a time of reckoning comes an unwilling(?) Kyle is all he feels like turning to. However he soon learns that pity and concern is much more confusing and enraging than ire.

Some more Kyle focused fics are

'Love and the other thing' by Gumdroppy where we get an equal amount of Kyle and Eric perspective- Kyle who revealed his love for Eric as a kid first and loves Eric WAY too much for his own good(to the point where his friends feel the need to take measures to ensure his best interests) and Eric who perhaps fell harder- worships the ground Kyle walks on- but can't seem to help the kneejerk hurt and abuse that flows from his hands. Bonus points for jealous Stan and Kenny being an angel.

Ans also by Elsen 'How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let My Mortal Enemy Eat My Ass' which is really hot with a compelling theme of overcoming Kyle's past trama what can I say

'It's basically a weird cat, right?' By Verimakea is a adorable fic about adult Kyle who by chance meets Eric in raccoon form(and then not-so-raccoon form) in which Cartman has separation issues and Kyle is forced to battle loneliness and incteasing mildly worrying feelings for this addition to his life.

Some other concepts:

'Baby, Just Say Yes' by shortstackedcheesecake96- a beautiful wonderful fic where the palpable chemistry between a (surprisingly earnest about the subject and a talented actor) Cartman and (quite good novice) Kyle get cast as Juliet and Romeo respectively. There's so much compelling teenage awkwardness where they both appear to be unwillingly drawn to each other despite everything in ways they feel they really shouldn't- Kyle especially is almost embarrassingly captivated by an Eric in his element- and it's such a pleasure to read; just thinking about some scenes has me wanting to reread it lmao.

(This writer also has a lot of enticing and well-written smut too)

'Fake it 'till you make it' by mewtwos is another fic I hold so so close to my heart in which Kyle and Eric have to fake date for a bit, until they realise that these fake displays of affection draw them in a little bit too hard; make them a bit too lightheaded, and by that point the reel has already been cast. It's insanely well written.

'Expertise' by Mewtwos where Eric is a little too eager to practice kissing with kyle and they have a little awakening

'To Be Wanted' by Verimakea- a Cowboy au where Kyle takes it upon himself to capture Wanted Sheriff Cartman, but things quickly gp array and they and up stuck together in one place for an indeterminate amount of time, with Kyle put in a position where he often has bo choice but to rely on the other. This writer is seriously skilled at painting subtly erotic/suggestive imagery, and writing complex emotions into characters through their actions so its quite the fun leg-kicking read lol.

'Copacabana' by Senkenwoo is a bittersweet fic about jaded middle aged retired performer Kyle recalling how he lost his charming and endearingly annoying bartender lover

Some unconventional smut cus y not:

'Laid To Rest' by gosh_zillah in which Kyle has a deep seated desire to be a cocksleeve and subsequently gets watched in his sleep by an enthralled little audience for a bit(among other things as he proves to be quite perceptive lol)

"You're in his DMs? i'm in his walls, we are not the same" by ratherblue - Eric watches Kyle have smexy times thru a hidden camera; implied mutual pining. Also Kyle's trans

'Cause I'm a free bitch, baby' by knumbknee where Kyle sees an Eric in proper drag for the first time and is transfixed

'sleep tight' by bloodylamb is a quirky little sleepover somnophillia fic where Kyle's mildly vocal about his Eric-disposition in his sleep if you're good with dubcon.

I'm sure you weren't expecting to be waterboarded by text and for this I apologise

#kyman #kyman fanfiction #its long i know #i will swear up and down for these fics tho #and these writers #there are probably loads of great ones i have yet to read #south park #its not 4am anymore so i fixed it lol

41 notes · View notes

mariii1 · 1 year

Text

✨️Your Future Crush/Love Interest & Squish✨️

Yes, all you aro/aces can join in today 😌

1-2

3-4-5

Pac Song Theme:

OMG I'm did a pac during finalss week?! Yes, this is how I deal with stress, I'm also going to be doing another one inspired by a tarot reader on here for as an end of year celebration get readyyy🤗

‼️CW: topics surrounding violence, SA, abuse/trauma came up just as a heads up‼️

🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉🙊🙈🙉

1. Might really like money. They think about their career a lot, and not just in a very workaholic mindset but this is someone that likes capitalism. They might like to one up people or they think they're better than others for pursuing money even if they don't have a lot. A very scummy feeling from this person, would be the type to take you to a michellen star restaurant and then be really angry if you didn't sleep with them afterwards. (s!A vibes for some) 🤢🤮 I feel like they see themselves in this very righteous manner but they're really not okay in the head and I mean that respctfully. They may struggle with chronic mental illnesses but their narcissist habits make it impossible for them to heal themselves. Uhhhhh I don't wish you good luck with this person and I hope you manifest another pile HAHAHA. this person could love to brag about flying/trips theyve been on. It's giving wealthy americans that think just because they traveled overseas they know the country better than the locals and tell racist jokes cuz they think they can 🤦🏾‍♀️

Squish: Literally the mild version of the romance. 😭😭 Again, this person likes money but isn't that obsessed. Again they might take you on trips but this is a really nice person even if they come across as ignorant. They could've been born with a golden spoon in they mouth, its giving stupid but v sweet. I think you'll like this person a lot, although I personally cant fck with this type, I'm strongly feeling your positive emotions. I think they can be a bit petty and immature tho although that's heavily connected to whatever privilege they have, even if its not necessarily financial.

🐶🐶🐶

2. I started sneezing like crazy the moment I started you're reading, for some this a future spouse or a long term commitment for you, whatever that means to you. AGAINnn with the money like are we all in college now wtf, anyway. This person feels stunted financially or just in general with something they value. Mostly career though for you all, maybe they keep getting rejected from jobs they want or they couldn't get a full-time job out of college and had to do more internships etc. It's just like they feel behind career wise or maybe even life wise. You could be ahead of them but I'm getting the two of you struggle together sometimes. This future partner/crush is very close to you rn and some of you know them already and this is your current crush. I think you guys will start off as good friends right away even if you're not (already) best friends. This could be a future squish too for some of you.

Squish: this is your future crush for everyone that's not aro. Even if you are, there's lots of physical intimacy even if its platonic. Lots of hugs and cuddling each other when you're sad. Both of you could be fems/women. They're very precious and I think that's what pulls you in. They have a soft approachable energy and they're funny. I think they can be rlly awkward and its v funny to you 🤭. They could also struggle with social anxiety and you might tease them about it sometimes. Both of you could be in college and stressed about student loans or money again. You could also just both have the same financial situation in terms of your household. Like literally the same family situation too.

🦝🦝🦝

3. This could be a future partner. You could've liked this person in the past, but they hurt you in some way or were mean? They could've been a loner even if they were ok with other people. You could be manifesting this person even if you don't know it. If you don't already know this person, they could be hurtful in some way, even when you two first meet. I keep getting the Empress for these piles, but I think its the first time in all my readings that I've had to interpret it in a negative way, interesting. This could be someone you have cycles with. Yeah they can just be rude unprovoked and I think that will be your first impression of them even if they're attitude isn't directed towards you. I don't think you know why you like this person and I think it's something you want/should figure out. Please be aware this can show up in multiple ways, it doesn't mean theyll call you a slut or curse at you, but it's much more passive aggressive and just rude. Like I don't think this person takes people seriously especially when it comes to others emotions and they like to play the victim when you try to assert boundaries.

Squish: You're going to really like this personnnn. They might heal some trauma you've had in the pass and they might really be againts your future crush. You're going to be friends with this person, for wlmost all of you close friends maybe besties. I think you might struggle alot of abandonment issues and feeling alone or isolated and I think they'll really help with that. This is someone who doesn't settle and is always moving onto the next big thing, even if it's about a partner. Yeah they might introduce you to other people, but you only really like this person. I wouldn't be surprised if some of you developed a crush on them after your future crush 🤭🙈 They also could've been through a lot and may have had the same tastes in people as you do in they past, so you might see them get very like fervent(?), like passionate about trying to educate you about the people you date/hang around even when you never asked for their opinion. I think they feel like you could do better for yourself but you can't see that. LOL you might find this really annoying and although it is, they have a point most of the time. When I say taste in people, this could apply to any relationship; they look at who you attract in terms of friends, or even family and the workplace for some you, and feel like they need to protect you.

🐱🐱🐱

4. So apparently this is my pile, so for y'all who chose another pile and feel like you're getting flamed, don't worry I probably am too 😭. This person again could be a loner or feel lonely. I feel there's something they went through that deeply impacted them negatively but they just don't deal with those emotions and try not to think about. This person may not tell you what it is like ever, or they tell you and play down the situation a lot esp cuz they might feel like it could make other people worry about them. This is someone who's been through a lot, like some really tough stuff for some you; they could've been an addict or had parents/guardians who were, they could have been bullied a lot and like aggressively, they could've been assaulted at school. They just really could of been through physical hell, literally, maybe there's a poimt where they were chronically in pain. This person has definitely visited a hospital more than a few times or its a miracle they're still alive and walking. You could've met this person veryyy briefly in your childhood, idk why but this is giving a manhwa storyline 💀💀 I'm specifically think of Park Hanhoo's Manager. Anywayyy, they came out on top. They really did, I feel they may compare themselves to average human being but they shouldn't bc their on a whole different level. And I feel what makes your pussy/bussyy pop is their strength. Cuz they handle things with so much gracee I tell you. They may feel behind but I think you view them very differently and I think for who they are as a person when you meet them, you're gonna give them their due respect, even if they don't have the best personality in the world. It's up to you whether or not you really want to pursue this person because I'm getting they could also become a mentor or just a friend. This could be someone at your workplace, whether you swutch jobs or they do.

Squish: Similar vibes, but more like they may have been betrayed by friends in the past or had shitty friends. They could be kind of a loner as a result and like to keep their distance but some of you will meet them at a time when their more emotionally available. This is someone that doesn't like to stay in one place, but I feel like they feel stagnant internally. They could be someone who does a lot of kind actions and could be very helpful although they're not necessarily friendly. They're nice in a very genuine and non-cliche way. If you made a mistake at work they'll give it to you straight, but they'll tell you exactly how you can do better in a non-judgmental way and are always willing to help you. They will answer your questions and paradoxically almost, they have no patience for bullshit, but they do have patience for you and people who are just less experienced than them. They could literally be from the streets. Nvm I ain't getting flamed, I love this pile y'all 🥰

🦁🦁🦁

5. This is a go getter for sure, but they can honestly be very impulsive in general. I keep getting distracted while doing this reading, they may or may not have adhd. This is a definite future spouse/long term partner for a lot of yall. They're very whimsical but not stupid. I think this is someone who believes in science but still likes occult stuff just cuz they can. For the majority of you, this isn't a conservative right leaning hippie who believes in antisemitic conspiracy theories. Even if they like tarot, they don't take it seriously or they could really like astrology lore but don't take it seriously all the time. This is a smart person even if they may not seem like at a first glance. Idk what it is about them, but they look kinda stupid depending on what you think that looks like. Like they could look like a frat boy/mommas boy but it's only bc they don't kno how to dress and they're actually really nerdy and support human rights stuff, like they're pro choice, acab, whatever. However I feel like you won't know that much about them even after developing a crush. This may be someone that you get to know over a lengthy period of time.

Squish: Again this could be your future partner/crush i described above. This person will take you out a lot, like just to hang out they'll want to go to a new cafe or want to see a new place that's opening up. I'm getting they don't necessarily like traveling long distance or flying tho. Y'all could live in an area that has a lot of things to do, there's always something new. They aren't rich but they still know how to have fun without spending a lot of money. Its really giving teen afterschool fun vibes, you guys might hang out at a mutual friends place a lot together. And that may be how you first meet. Again this person isn't super open but they are still a bit friendly and I don't think they mind getting to know you particular. I have a feeling they don't care if they don't have friends at all, they seem to be very content by themselves and know how to have fun. They may be what I like to call a quiet extrovert.

#Spotify #pac reading #pac #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a pile reading #queer tarot #tarot reading #tarot #love tarot reading #future spouse #future partner #pinkpantheress #ace #asexuality #aroace #bjorkmusic #bjork #cibo matto

499 notes · View notes

nerves-nebula · 2 months

Note

i’d like ur opinion on something incest related. i’ve been thinking that i might have been like,, sexually abused as a kid. i don’t know for sure, i will probably never know for sure, and the memories that i do have could be completely fabricated by my mind for all i know. do you think it would be fucked up to call myself a survivor?

Nah it wouldn’t be fucked up cuz 1. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for it anyway and 2. Memory shit is weird. Sometimes ppl don’t remember anything and the longer you wait the more it seems like a dream.

It’s more important imo that you figure out what helps you the most, cuz what’s the worst case scenario if it really didn’t happen? Or if it was a scary nightmare you had? You learn coping mechanisms to deal with it and try not to shame yourself?? That sounds great. That’s fantastic for you. Even if it didn’t happen there’s no use in denying how whatever this is makes you feel. You work with the emotions you’ve got.

For future reference tho I’d work on internalizing that stuff and uhhhh AVOID asking weirdos online (me) to validate you. Cuz like what if I’d say NO you CANT be an incest survivor unless you FIT MY CRITERIA!!! That would’ve probably made you feel awful and could’ve seriously damaged your self perception if you think too highly of me. I’m like 20 man I’m not really a trusted source of information hah.

So uh yeah idk good luck dude.

#nnstuff #ask #incest tw

45 notes · View notes

pinkandpurple360 · 9 days

Note

this is small compared to the other actually harmful issues with this show but im still bitter viv turned ozzie into a dumbass to make stolas look smarter. like dude he is one of the oldest characters he runs a factory and a business and a realm has multiple degrees in his office but cant fucking proof a contract or realize a video is a recording? like i guess the point was to show he’s reckless + impatient but to me it didnt come through it just made him look stupid and weak. get this man out of this show. (same with striker, who was also turned into an idiot to bolster stolas. and stella. or anyone really. ozzie is just the one on my mind rn)

Character shilling destroys series. Everyone’s personalities and characters are altered to uphold stolas Goetia, everyone’s feelings are invalidated by the narrative as wrong, except his. And his emotions are the focal point of the entire narrative

Blitzø being a thief is suddenly the biggest crime one can commit, he needs to change his personality because he hurt stolas, and needs to be the knight stolas wants, to redeem himself and for his family and friends to stop hating him.

Moxxie now worships monarch, is extremely obedient and subservient to his highness, despite being a selfish greedy authoritarian just like his father crimson.

Millie is a fujoshi and now really cares that the prince never gets hurt and is very worried about him when he does. She doesn’t mind when he abuses and intimidates her her husband and her boss.

Loona suddenly has immense empathy for stolas and wants his daughter to keep giving him chances. Despite the fact she has never spoken to either of these people.

Fizz despite being hostile to stolas and being the one to point out that he ruined his own family for sex and witnessed him be ashamed of it, despite being abused by a royal demon in an extremely similar manner, now capes for him and says bigotry against the rich is bad.

Asmodeus who was also hostile and very sharp, is now illiterate and slow, he needs stolas to stick around watching his messages, explains to him what a contract is, and to read words for him.

Strikers grievances with being a working class man oppressed by a monarchy are resorted to “supremacy” (an extremely racist conservative message seems to have snuck in this ‘queer’ show!) and guess what royal striker has an enemy in?

Stella only exists to hurt the owls feelings as well. Her being a child bride aint a big deal.

Octavia is just hysterical and ungrateful

Verosika and stolas are now besties despite also, being hostile at first.

Did I miss anyone?

#helluva boss critical #stolas critical #the creators pet

25 notes · View notes

finedinereception · 7 months

Text

man rewatching the empress eyes really emphasized how messed up finn was by jakes death. because watching the scene where he comforts ice king, i just couldnt imagine this kid thinking using simon as live bait would make him feel better

ice king just tried to offer finn up to a vampire and couldve gotten him and marcy killed. and sure, its just smart to remove him from the situation- finn knows better than most people that an emotional ice king can be extremely unpredictable. but he also knows simon is just a confused, easily manipulated old man. empress has clearly hurt him in the past, and he just watched her verbally abuse simon twice for not doing what she wants. this is just an incredibly emotionally mature action for finn to take. he knows simon cant help it.

but when finn starts getting worked up himself overly excited or incredibly depressed, he starts trying to distance himself from those feelings rather than deal with them, and it makes it difficult for him to connect to that same emotional maturity. comforting simon like this would mean acknowledging that making himself emotionally vulnerable, even for a moment, would be healthier for him. but that would also mean confronting the full gravity of how jakes death has affected him, and the idea is unbearable. its much, much easier to just run away from it, and so thats what he tries to get simon to do.

#adventure time fionna and cake #finn mertens #simon petrikov #underrated thing is when finn is worried about ice king or trying to calm him down and he calls him simon #love when he does that.

133 notes · View notes

kkbardd · 9 months

Text

so uhh i got summoned to asurei court, if anyone's interested in my testimony papers, theyre down below the cut. (aka my whole take on how i believe their dynamic would develop in cannon)

asurei isn’t for everyone & its whole point is unhealthy dependence.. toxic yuri if u will.. anything resembling a healthy relationship would only be in one of the alt universes created by the 3rd impact 💀 rei and asuka both have what the other wants (whether it be the worth asuka puts on recognition of piloting skills or rei's desire to break from mindless obedience like asuka seems to do so easily.) They both hate and admire each other for this, and asuka specifically expresses this by lashing out at rei. asuka's whole relationship w lesbian comphet plays a HUGE role into all of this but let’s gloss over it for the time being. (now, with asurei u gotta get a bit delusional cuz cannon doesn’t give us much so from here on out is just my opinion on how it'd play out.)

in terms of rei's POV in this:

rei hates the attention they gets from men, and is especially disgusted by gendo's fake kindness. he sees rei as a replaceable doll and pushes yui's image on them. gendo has never actually seen rei for who they really are, and rei later begins to hate and despise not only gendo but themselves too. in the anime, rei is shown to have self destructive tendencies & suicidal ideation because not only are they constantly being replaced & having their memory wiped, but each time they forget any sort of emotion that they learn in the meantime. recall the scene in which rei, right after being "revived" and left with no memory, sees gendo's glasses. although they cant remember anything, its hinted that their "soul" still remembers and hates him. rei tries to break the glasses but in the end, they’re still unable to defy and break free from their situation. feeling frustrated and helpless, rei starts crying & remarks how this should be the first time they've experienced it but somehow it feels like its not. back to the present, reis acting very reckless in battle and basically using themselves as a meat shield. they're so full of self-hate, and seeing asuka's obvious inferiority to them just upsets them even more. why does she put so much worth on the one thing that acts like a plague to them? compared to these pointless test results on a screen, asuka has something so much more valuable. the ability to think for themselves, to not be someone's doll. asuka's inferiority is almost insulting. rei verbally lashes out at asuka in the elevator, showing defiance that they never knew they could produce. it felt almost liberating. they find that being around asuka gives them emotions that they've always longed for, no matter how ugly they may be. they soon find themselves seeking asuka out, and the inferiority that was once insulting became a means to control and keep her close. asuka, someone who was seemingly invincible and can roam free without care, has one weakness that causes her to crack and shatter from the slightest touch. and that weakness is none other than rei themselves. rei becomes possessive in a way that they've never known possible. so much so that a part of them starts to hate themselves, fearing they've become just like their abuser gendo. nonetheless, rei begins to value their life more. they become deathly afraid of dying & being replaced by some mindless clone that has forgotten everything they now know about asuka and themself.

now what is asuka doing in all of this?

asuka deals with a lot of comphet and its an integral part of her character, so much so that it doesn’t seem right to not mention it. but to quickly summarize, because of this she has a love-hate relationship with attention from men. she feels disgusted by it but gets extremely jealous when it seems like another girl might replace her. then comes rei. (now what most ppl don’t seem to notice is asuka didnt start off hating rei, she tried to be friends but ever since the beginning misato has ALWYAYS pitted them against each other. this of course led asuka to feeling threatened & seeing rei as an enemy. especially since it involves piloting ability, something that asuka sees as her whole point of living.) she begins to hate her because how can someone who is so good at piloting be so brainless and doll-like. that’s exactly what asuka was trying so hard to not become! in this aspect, rei's entire existence defies what asuka has tried so hard to believe in up to this point. her hate & inferiority towards rei is only made worse when she sees that they're not only being objectified by men, but are seemingly unbothered by it unlike asuka. rei is now constantly on her mind, and asuka starts to realize that what she's feeling towards them isn’t just hate. its around the time of the elevator scene that these confusing emotions and inferiorities are at their peak. right after this, asuka goes into battle & is ordered to be rei's backup. she defies this order but receives a mental attack from an angel that causes her to re-live all of her trauma & comphet issues. the person that saved her from this is none other than rei. at this point asuka is at an all-time low, and states that she'd rather be left for dead than saved by someone like rei. she’s still confused by her feelings towards rei, but right now her hatred and insecurity is taking priority. its right after this battle that her synchro rates plummet and she loses the #1 thing she based her life worth on. she then goes out to die in an abandoned building but is eventually retrieved by NERV. I believe that during this time alone, she’s also wallowing in her feelings for rei and coming to terms with a lot of comphet stuff, especially after that psychological attack. right after this the world like ends or whatever but lets forget that for now & extend time cuz the gays need it 🥰 .

rei and asuka at this point realize their feelings in one way or another, and there's a lot of tension in their conversations. asuka is at a very fragile point rn bc of all the stuff that just went on, and rei is unsure how to go about things, half due to their inexperience & half due to their fear of becoming like gendo. however, asuka realizes rei is acting different from before, and advances on them as a way of lashing out. but to her surprise rei is undefiant and actually willingly helpless in her hands. she feels a rush of superiority and is amused by how inexperienced rei is. she also realizes that unlike her previous experiences with men (like when she tried to kiss shinji but didnt want to see, smell, taste, or even feel it & had a mental breakdown afterwards lol ) she actually likes it!? the romantic/sexual affirmation that asuka has always wanted from men like kaji is being fulfilled by rei in a way that asuka feels completely in control & comfortable. she's not forcing herself or being objectified, but rather is taking the lead. this is something she never imagined possible before. and all of this is with rei to boot! the rei that, in asuka's eyes, has always looked down on her and been unobtainable is now melting in her hands like putty. there’s a sense of accomplishment she feels, which makes her want to push rei even more. she finally has authority and to make herself feel better, she takes it out on rei through advances like this. she goes further and further, and in an ironic way, uses intimacy as a form of self-harm. she feels shame and despises herself for doing such things with ill-intent, and with another woman at that. its a toxic relationship that tries to fill the hole in her heart, but only leads to a bigger one forming.

when asuka first advanced onto rei, they felt something unlike anything before. unlike when gendo would often touch their shoulder, rei didnt recoil from asuka's touch. rei also felt something similar to asuka, in that the person who always seemed unbound by anything in now giving them her undivided attention. the fact that this came from an act of anger didnt really bother rei, since they knew from the beginning that was one of the only ways to get asuka to even spare them a glance. rei would gladly become hated if it meant binding asuka to them. in a mix of touch-starvedness & unhealthy dependency on asuka, rei kept looking forward to any interacting with asuka, since it was what really made them feel alive. asuka slowly becomes rei's world and meaning for living, but they eventually realize that causes a great insecurity. asuka is independent and can go anywhere she wants if she feels like it. from rei's pov, asuka desperately wants attention from men, something that rei could never give her. rei's afraid that asuka will leave them, & to tie asuka down they play the role of a villain. rei keeps asuka feeling insecure by becoming what asuka envisioned them as, and slowly starts hacking away at asuka's Achille's heel. rei desperately uses the short time that asuka has given them to engrain themself into her, so much so that asuka would be nothing without them. rei cannot let asuka realize her worth for fear that she would leave them. rei notices that asuka enjoys seeing them helpless and plays the part, almost like a honeytrap. slowly tho I believe that rei starts to take control of the relationship in hopes of making asuka dependent on them.

Asurei is in no way a wholesome relationship, and ik that’s not for everyone.. my vision of a happy end for them would be both of them becoming comfortable in their relationship and finding that the actions they once used to express hatred for themselves and each other is now slowly becoming fueled by love and desire for each other. They form a very unhealthy co-dependence on each other, but for them it works. They cant envision a world without the other in it.

#asurei #i was so surprised i got summoned #am i seen as some kind of asurei-connoisseur #toxic yuri #thats all it boils down to

87 notes · View notes