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alyssasmaddworld · 3 months

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there's this level of dissociation that goes hand in hand with daydreaming and i feel like it's something i wouldn't know how to begin explaining to somebody who's anti-endo.

maladaptive daydreaming is not inherently caused by trauma. it's considered something you use to cope with it. but for a LOT of people, and as confirmed in multiple studies, it is a dissociative disorder. there's even a level of plurality with it.

you have these people in your head, and you cant destroy them. a lot of them can feel like REAL people. you create worlds, plot lines, and you connect with these characters in a way where they slowly become their own being. their own person. how is this ANY different from being plural?

the answer is: it's really not. if you view plural as synonymous with systemhood then maybe i can see why you'd have a problem with the phrasing, but based off of the actual definitions of plural, maladaptive daydreaming fits the criteria.

the next issue that people tend to have with maladaptive daydreaming being considered plural is that maladaptive daydreaming isn't its own disorder. but something doesnt need to be a disorder for it to be significant in the mental health industry.

a common "rebuttle" of endogenic systems is that they "appropriate" other cultures, but what most people making this argument fail to realize is that, this is HOW culture works. western culture is actively affected by the cultures of other areas. do you genuinely believe that theres not a single Buddhist in america practicing tulpulmacy? that this is SOLELY a non-western phenomenon? then why is "traditional traumagenic" mentioned at all, and not JUST traumagenic?

but there are articles that talk about the importance of listening to the internet, and the words they've cultivated. something i've been told is irrelevant because "an endo made that word" IS BEING heard by therapists all across the globe, not just in america.

"the reader is reminded that culture is dynamic rather than static, meaning that just as our understanding of the online community is different today than it was twenty years ago, this will continue to shift and evolve into the future as well"

things CHANGE. research ADVANCES. and with that, we also know that maladaptive daydreaming is BEYOND VALID on the dissociative spectrum. it has ALWAYS been there, it just wasn't considered a disordered behavior before the 2000s.

on top of this, there's a study that further affirms it's place in the endogenic sphere specifically.

despite this, her brain scans showed "great activity in the ventral striatum, the part of the brain that lights up when an alcoholic is shown images of a martini. Frankly it was super strong"

this means she isn't just mind wandering. mind wandering is what people THINK daydreaming is.

"Mind wandering refers to the occurrence of thoughts that are not tied to the immediate environment—thoughts that are not related to a given task at hand"

mind wandering lights up the Default Mode Network side of the brain, the DMN. the DMN controls Autobiographical information, Memories of collection of events and facts about one's self, Self-reference, Referring to traits and descriptions of one's self.

maladaptive daydreaming has its own dissociative absorption, and it affects the brain differently than mind wandering. it's a proper form of dissociation.

and..would you look at that?? spiritual practices are mentioned. i wonder which endogenic system that reminds me of! (much love to sophie!). it's just further credence towards the fact that non-traumatic systems can exist. why else would maladaptive be on the spectrum, honestly?

trauma doesn't CAUSE maladaptive daydreaming. trauma doesnt cause dissociative absorption. they are ALL coping mechanisms as a way to deal with whatever trauma may be going on-- or it can literally be a choice in the sense that you can actively choose to get absorbed into a book, or how you choose to maladaptive daydream. you can let it interfere with your life and become debilitating and disordered (because sometimes people dont WANT to change) but this doesnt mean it's traumatic.

with all this being said, how is this not a valid presentation of plurality?

#pro endo #endogenic #endo friendly #maladaptive daydream

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tortelette · 11 months

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Late night insomnia theories AGAIN I CAN'T BLOODY SLEEP PLEASE LORD I TRY TO CLOSE MY EYES AND ALL I CAN SEE IS W SKILL ISSUE DANCING

Meursault and Don are the two sinners who are seriously SERIOUSLY quite the characters that have a lot to unpack. Two characters with almost a one-sided personality when interacting towards others. Especially Don, Don has a skewed-sense of priorities in life and I was beginning to question her.

We do know in the upcoming chapters that Ishmael is going to be featured and ever since Yi Sang's story has concluded(?) (EHEM, Gubo I am coming to kill you, EHEM) I believe that her chapter revolves around the sinners "reenacting" her voyage or meeting a member of her crew who was somehow alive. Might be between those two, I am so excited with that possibility and I cannot wait what Don and Meursault's story chapters have in store.

Don might get a story that revolves around her moral sense of justice and also "personality abandonment." You think that I will forget about those Mariachi peeps back in Chapter 2??? Their comments were on point to Sinclair and the fact that they commented Don as "insincere and lack of a pure heart" iirc means we are getting on to something. I believe that Don is a person who is indifferent to many happenings in the City yet she prefers to look and take action on the smallest of things rather than the bigger of it. (That weird double faced reaction when she VIOLENTLY decided to "save" a backstreet folk and their child who violated a taboo and her neutral reaction in a FUCKING GENOCIDE TOWARDS THE INNOCENT) (Like yeah, she learned something after Verg and her idol got her cucked in the checkpoint area but there has to be an active remnant of that judgement somewhere within her during the genocide in Calw) She wanted to be the center on something especially in a situation where she can properly control hence she ALWAYS try to take over the mantles whenever she can even if it is not in her own expertise.

Hence I believe her story would revolve around the concept of her own moral judgement and how she wanted to be someone important. I also believe she wanted the attention directed at her to be a "great Fixer" she would do everything for that. Pretty much explains why one of her skill type of her default has envy (she wanted to be someone that resembles a great and perfect idea of her belief on a true Fixer and be higher or as levelled as the greatest Fixers in the City). Her story would seriously tackle on breaking her "honorable facade" and might question her validity of her desire to be a great Fixer when in truth she is not genuine on such things to do and would act like that to cover a probable rotten or indifferent personality.

I do have a personal theory that Don Quixote is actually Sancho Panza (Don Quixote's squire in the book) but that will be in a different take rather than now.

Meursault on the other hand, I believe that his story would stress around "emotional and mental breakdowns." This fucker has a decent yet extensive knowledge on distortions. Fuck, he even stated plainly that he get to witness them meaning that he witnessed more than one distortions in his life. I do have two theories on what happened to him back then and would tackle more in the future. His original novel involves him murdering someone and possibly it might bring over to the game's lore as well (more like a portion of it), and I get to say... it is quite unlikely he kills someone with a gun but rather himself.

First theory would be that he killed a person under the process or already been distorted, my friends always think that it has to be his mother because of that quote he stated back at his promotional video. Although, me and my friends would debate that the way he expresses that is either he is forgetful of that incident or that he prefers not to think about that incident and decides to detach himself away from that incident hence he cant remember the entire details of what he had done, a person who killed his distorted mother. I can probably tell that N corp is a toxic workplace environment when there are a lot of questionable acts and decisions sprouted out from the company (problematic Nagel Und Hammer and the "New League of Nine") it would be no doubt there would be a thing or two who would distort after what they have been through.

Second theory is where Meursault is the one being distorted. This is a theory that got us excited the most because of game antics (one of our own sinners fighting against us? Funny enough is that he is the strongest unit with complete full leveled IDs and EGOs ready in my team. This is why I build Heathcliff and Faust as backup in case that scenario will happen.) This theory revolves around him getting into a mental or emotional breakdown (quite difficult what irks him to bend when we know that even in stressful situations he remains a calm yet annoyed facade - Rosespanner ID) and resulted him killing his own mother without him realizing it. But my friends and I were thinking that it might not only be the reason he get into jail. One friend of mine point out that killing one person is not enough to be seen as a threat because that is quite common in the City where survival is a must have because of people getting into each other's throats with or without a valid reason. What if... he kills many people? Yet the only person he realize that was killed in the mix is his own mother. After the onslaught he just returns back to normal after a sense of clarity came to him and in that part is where he gets jailed. He was ridiculed and spouting him anger because he has the ability to distort, something that represents of showing one's true self. Final boss material right here, his story might be about overcoming this distortion problem he is dealing with and also about his perspective of everything and why he thinks of it.

Alright I am done I need to sleep or else my mother find out I am still awake and write this shit. Time to fuck off.

#limbus company #limbus company don quixote #limbus company meursault

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klayfruit · 1 year

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ouh.... i had never heard of goblet grotto but i googled it, & the artstyle looks so charming. would love to hear u talk abt it sometime, when u get the chance or feel like it ^_^

THANK U OH MY GOD nows my chance …. idk if u wanted me to explain it in ur dms or anything so im just gonna infodump here!!!

goblet grotto is a game made by thecatamites (who still actively posts games, just mostly under the name garmentdistrict) in 2012. the main Thing abt the game is that you play as a little swamp toad knight (probably) named swampy, who ventures into the grotto for their search for goblets. the game itself though is absolutely giant, branching paths at nearly every corner and the “story” becoming more bizarre as time goes on. goblets become less of a collectable, and more of an item of worship

the moment youre thrown into the game and it begins, there are already several noises screaming into your ears. first thing you notice is the glyphs popping up at the top of the screen, each one appearing accompanied with a Horribly Loud “BWAH”. you take in the side menu, looking at swampy’s little avatar and noticing how one of the options is just “pray”, and seeing how theres a Whole Ass Paragraph describing your surroundings right now. halfway through reading the paragraph, you are killed by wolves. you have eaten 0 meats and collected 0 goblets. the game is absolutely ruthless to the player, sometimes it will just throw an unkillable enemy at you, force you to crawl around slowly without an explanation, completely destroy your save file, etc. theres also just moments where the games like Oop You Fucked Up! like if you pray too many times it completely destroys the side-text into becoming incomprehensible screaming nonsense, along with just randomly spawning pyramids that make a horrible buzzing noise that you cant turn off. also theres an npc where if you interact with them it makes all your side-text start saying weird shit.

how ruthless the game is is what makes it so enjoyable to me, its so just unabashedly itself. youre thrown into this world screaming and bleeding, and you have to figure out how everything works to even manage to survive. the glyphs mentioned earlier are a whole ass language, the translation of each and every single glyph being in the guide book that comes with the game. you need to manage to memorize a good amount of them to realize that they have An Actual Meaning and Mechanic in the game. whenever swampy collapses and starts crawling, its not for no reason, its because theyre hungry/havent collected goblets recently and theyre screaming this at you through the glyphs. also would like to mention that praying too much also leads the glyphs to become more panicked and almost trivial, eventually them turning into symbols that Arent even seen in the guide book and i had to ask thecatamites directly what the glyphs meant.

theres so So much damn story in this game, and at the same time theres little to none. the moment you see something that seems like it could be a reoccurring theme, its instantly thrown out the window. its extremely rare for something to be consistent through a small section of the game, nevertheless the whole ass game. the only example i can think of is the game’s depiction of god, who speaks in funny little typing quirks and says shit like “UP AND ATEMCOWBOY!!!!!! WORLD IS HYOU OYSTER ;^)”. its heavily implied that, once you pray too much and the side text becomes all fucked up, its god speaking to you in their fucked up little way of speaking, screaming at you to keep on moving and collect goblets and have horrible dreams and Replace all files in your computer with a list of Swears (direct quote from god). there are also altars in several areas through the game, purple hooded people surrounding each altar. if you pray at it, god just straight up appears and gives you goblets. what’s special though about the inconsistency is that, at the very “end” of the game, seemingly all the vaguely important characters that you only see once in the whole game appear once again. it just like makes it special and really sends it home. god, along with the purple hooded people appear in this area, i just thought that was fun.

also want to mention the sound design and music is so unique and honestly fantastic. i am specifically talking about the glyph’s “BWAH”s, and also how everytime you collect meat, swing your axe, and collect goblets, you hear a man say in your ear “MEAT.” “KILL.” “GOBLETS.” aside from the sfx though the music is genuinely so fucking good im not even joking. its got such an amazing vibe to it, my personal favorite is world end because of how melancholic it feels compared to every other song in the ost

theres honestly so much i could say about this game, but i have autism and cant properly put my thoughts into words, so all i can say is just Pleaaaaase check out goblet grotto, even just for a moment. the gameplay sucks complete ass if youre not familiar with it, but the newest vers of the game DOES have an immortal mode (press L at the start screen and it brings you to Secrets Menu). if you dont wanna play it i recommend vinny’s small vid of him playing it, it gets the main thing abt it across pretty well! ALSO i made a whole ass website of me just talking about everything i know about goblet grotto, its like a sort of guide for the game as theres no other good guides of it online due to how obscure the game is.

anyway thank you so much for listening to me. autism be damned i can write essays about mediocre game

#txt #long post #goblet grotto #thecatamites #garmentdistrict #asks #i think this is like completely incomprehensible and messy. when i saw this ask i lost consciousness and when i awoke i saw this post typed

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paradoxcase · 10 months

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@gentlemean:

Oh, I think there might be a misunderstanding about the word "House". A house here is not just the ruling family, as in 'a noble house'. The planet is The Ninth House, it's more of a state than a family. They do know quite well who's there at any given point, as the Ninth really doesn't get any guests and even if they did, guests would have to arrive by space ship to the port of Drearburgh.

Oh, I do get that it means both, I assume it's one of those things where technically it refers to the noble house but then it also refers to all of Pluto via metonymy, like how "the White House" literally means a particular building in Washington DC but also means the entire US executive branch administration in many contexts

To the other point:

@andresindoril:

Also, it's worth considering that in a place with ~1000 people, you can still find someone that knew (of) the person if they were local.

@racefortheironthrone

If you live in a place of 1000 people who eat and worship and labor communally, you're going to know everyone by name and by face.

Maybe? I just feel like 1000 people seems like a lot of people to know. It doesn't compare at all to actual US cities, but I don't think you need to get to the size of a US city for there to be a lot of people in a place that you don't know.

@korla-the-kenku

I always got the impression that Pluto only had two habitable places, the ninth house stronghold where the story begins, and the prison colony. I don't remember it ever being implied that there was a settlement outside of those two places.

It's true that the ninth used to have waaaaay more people, and I'm sure Harrow and her family didn't know all of them. But I also figured that anyone traveling outside of the habitable areas likely was outside of the house. They were incredibly isolated, and had few visitors. I'm pretty sure Harrow's family kept tabs on anyone able to come or go.

Yeah, that is made pretty clear, it just seemed to me from reading it that they had pretty much zero explanation for how Gideon's mom got there, so therefore they didn't have enough information to say for sure that she was not from Pluto (or not from anywhere else, either). To be clear, as a person reading this, I'm pretty sure she wasn't from Pluto because she's obviously going to have some Interesting and Important origin and Gideon is Space Jesus and so forth, but like, from the characters' perspective, it doesn't seem like they have enough information to definitively say that she wasn't from Pluto.

@zenosanalytic:

the thing with her mom gets explained in book 2 but, thinking back to when the book was first released, I think most folks just assumed she dropped from a ship, either because they forgot the line about the haz suit exploding, or disregarded it/figured on Shenanigans they couldnt guess at without more info. I cant remember theorizing about it being very common, tho

Yeah, I did have to go back and check it myself, when I was trying to figure out if this was new information or if they definitely knew she came from a ship. But it looks very inconclusive

#the locked tomb #gentlemean #andresindoril #racefortheironthrone #korla-the-kenku #zenosanalytic

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 4 months

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Hi, uh, I normally don't ask anything or say anything to authors, normally its just me reading and continuing with my life. But I just wanna let you know that the way you write your stories is so... genuine and gives me emotions only a married couple for 30+ years should feel. The details you add when it comes to describing and telling how the character feels or explaining the aesthetic and scenery......holy. There are hundreds of thousands of books and stories on this app, and all I can think about is yours. You're extremely talented, and honestly, the way you write leaves me feeling desperate when I see any of your stores come to an end. The talent you have at your fingertips leaves me almost begging for more, and man, how I wish I found you sooner. So, thank you for constantly raising my standards on stories and books and leaving me with a sense of fullness. Thank you for showing me that a book is 100% capable of making me feel loved and desired. Have a wonderful day, month, year, and rest of your wonderful and needed life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

hey so this ask actually floored me i feel a little insane? a little ill? this is so genuinely heartfelt im??? i teared up I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN I MIGHT BE A LITTLE INCOHERENT BECAUSE IM SO FLATTERED I COULD EXPLODE BUT ;;;;;;;;

first of all!!!! from the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU SO MUCH <3333333 🥺🥺🥺 like ohhhh i dont know how to properly verbalize how happy this message made me but please know that my heart is just. brimming w love for u i am picking u up & covering u in kisses <3333 im so touched that u took the time to write this out???? ESPECIALLY since u dont do it often like that means so so much????

ack. just. every little thing u said is so incredibly sweet and kind and it just makes me feel so fortunate 😭😭 really!!!! i feel so so lucky when it comes to interactions on this blog and it’s messages like these that give me motivation to write, i save each & every one of them!! aaaaa i cant tell u how happy i am to be able to make u feel something w my writing….. :’3 i think that’s everything any writer could ask for tbh!!! knowing that my fics could make u feel loved & desired is the greatest feeling ever, im so so glad!! u deserve it!!!!

wahhhh just 😭😭 tysm. u are sosososo sweet and im gonna read this ask over and over again whenever i start to doubt my own writing <333 it’s so kind of you to take the time to write this out, i honestly couldnt tell you how much it means!! thank u again my beloved <333 i hope u have the most wonderful day and month and year and life too!!!

#THERE R REAL TEARS IN MY EYES #i am trying to appear normal and composed is it working #im keeping this ask sooooo close to my heart im opening up my ribcage just to tuck it in there #tysm for ur support :’33 i hope ull enjoy my future fics to come !! the one im working on rn is very sappy & sweet hehe #i sincerely hope that it makes u feel loved!!!!! thats all i could wish for really <33 #ask tag ✩

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thetruthlsoutthere · 7 months

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Weirdness around Oct. 24th, 2021

this was a message i made to someone, a friend in this belief, on this day, around the afternoon after 4 pm. click on the read more link because it's long. This was my half of a conversation with someone so only focus on that, okay? okay.

::::: i have always felt it strongly, espeially more since that point and its flaring up really bad right now like intense. im trying to calm my breathing but i have to tell you. i am freaked out O_o

first off, my senses: my hearing is so freakily good - like based on whatever sound , even if it's talking, regardless of volume but especially if its to the point of under someones breath or whispering, i can hear it perfectly as if they are right next to me. thats the hearing . its always been like that

the sight: its like i almost dont even need my glasses anymore because given a 10 rating, my sight is more than that or exactly that and my glasses help better but its like i could be without them now and i can see everything with freakishly good clarity

the touch: i mean, plain and simple, down to perfection, thats an obvious

taste: same thing

feeling: thats the same as touch and taste but its like similarily , it feels more intense for me, everything/ living like you feel it normally as a human but its like idk, i dont know how to explain. it scared tf out of me

i was looking through one of the "Doctor Who' books i have, and i cant begin to express how much i felt a homesickness, sense of loss and pain and feeling of deja vu at the pictures it showed of Gallifrey, other places, the Tardis, other alien species and felt like i was home, like i had been there, like i had been among these species of aliens

im always watching and looking for anything strange, especially with close perimeter of where i live and im almost waiting for that door thing to happen again bc i still hear things outside and the strange lights in the sky, one in particular that feels like it could not be a star among any of them. the weird lights that are definitely not stars and the way theyd act, the movement, hearing things and the wierd lights on ground level like something among the trees, the animals sensing and even the baby sensing things in and outside the home that no one, even me, can see

references to Gallifrey, timelords and ladies, time and space, traveling, the Doctor, the Master, popping out everywhere, the name Clara too, same thing with 'ravens', the silent calls too have been constant lately. lets not even get started on my dreams and the meanings they seem to be sending

and from the begininning to now still: the sense of its like there is a home here, but i dont know how else other to describe it in a sense that like an object, youre here among it all so in a snese you are home but your NOT home because this isnt your home, this isnt your origin. I feel so disconnected / disassociated, like I'm here but I'm not really here. A sense of loss and feeling like there is something huge missing, because if this was truly a home HOME then i wouldn't feel like what really is, isn't here. Im trying to explain it a best version possible

countless of times, i look at this human family of mine and i think : yes that's my mom or my sister or my nephew or my brothers but its like thinking from their perspective and how they'd see me in comparison from me to them, there is a sense of difference that comes with that if only they knew, or that disconnection

the sense of what life might really be and the answers known and unknown , how it will affect my future and what they would find out and have to accept and deal with? that alone is just -

the reptitive numbers have been constant with 222, 111 or 11:11, or 1:11, 333, 444, 555, 777, 12:12, 10:10, etc. and that whole thing where my chest seems sensitive and more weird, i felt my chest, and i could have sworn by everything in me, that i felt a second heart. i know the placement of where the human heart is in the body and so based on where the second heart could be put, i felt the beats of it

and seemingly all around, i COULD be human but to experience everything i have and do, points to that i may be right now or , am put into a state where it will seem like that but im not and that i cant eveen begin to explain as to how that would make sense to another person's brain

and of course, i am never going to claim that i know every single little thing of information in the known and unknown parts of the entire universe but i feel like human or not, my knowledge over a lot is getting better and many a times, people have come to me to learn and know things and get advice and i have been seeing the shadows again and mention of the Darkness.

hearing of weird and strange things/inhuman things through music with other normal things that don't make sense to be added together because they don't relate. among the various incarnations that the Doctor and Master, and other timelords/ladies have - i seem lately to have gotten specific incarnations of them popping out to me

i feel like i know who i am, who i could be, what its seeming to be like i could be or definitely am, but at the same time, i am feeling such a loss of identity yet because of the definite and possibilities and the possibilities that seem more likely than the rest, i feel like i know more than i ever did because you know more as time passes obviously

but i want to get this out so i can finally tell you and you can read it all and respond to each accordingly. i hope so badly im not alone in this. there is more to tell but i am so freaked out at how strong and intense of a flaring feeling i am getting of it

like i am literally in transit, in a half way point phase where i am neither here or there. Like a waiting period at the point of change but that thing to fully ram into it and have it skyball has just not ha[need yet

like im home here on Earth but i am not really HOME

I also have heard weird noises and seen split second weird flashes in the sky as well as the sound of aircraft but when i look in the sky, even among the clouds or lack therof any , I see nothing so maybe there is the ability aboard the c raft or whatever causing those noises to be able to hide themselves so no one can see them

people, even strangers staring at me in ways like there is something off or something drawing them to me and they are waiting for something

there are times, which isnt a new feeling but seems to have increased lately as well, is how when i speak, its not of someone my age for the most part and i will speak as if i am not from here like I'm waiting for something, or on the move , or wanting to go home. I even have said to my family that my home is among the stars but they brush it off as silly or me being a weirdo dork.

dont even get me started on how strong the feeling is , is that whenever i see my gallifreyan fob watch necklace and knowing its a fake, my mind goes to the real one which gives me the feeling of not wanting the fake and feeling a want, need and urgency to find the real one

my sister had even asked me , if i was happy here: i said yes because i am but in this weird, strange, unexplainable / ufo/aliens / paranormal, etc. life, i feel a happiness and a sense of peace and home i don't elsewhere. You can have a home like feeling for more than one place obviously

its not like i dont love, care for and appreciate everything in this normal life as well as strange life because i do equally, I'm just acknowledging what i think, know and feel about this life too

and im never going to lie about what i feel because the truth cant be shied away from no matter how hard one tries; trying to make sense of who or what i am makes sense as to why i and even you can answer some questions but not all bc we might have what could be any memories back but if any of those are even memories then we obviously don't have all back

______________________________________________________________

Make of this what you will.

#old experiences #weird things #the truth is out there #doctor who is real #the doctor is real #i believe in the doctor #searching for the doctor #project hello sweetie #the darkness #the master #clara oswald #clara the impossible girl #gallifrey

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anas-somewhat-blog · 9 months

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My Fault by Mercedes Ron

My rating: 4 of 5 stars Where do I begin… This book was so much yet so little … -comparing it to the movie - I really thought it was gonna be the typical book>movie, but in reality its book -Now the book on its own. - Wow. Wow, wow, wow… What a shitshow. I must say its been a while since ive read a book that took itself so seriously, going over very serious topics and managing to give me the most wattpad like story. It really helped me that ive seen the movie before reading the book because that way i coould immagine the characters, since the only description of Noah and Nick are - good looking, hot, eye color and hair. I swear Noah has been described as Honey color eyes and long blond hair more times that ive put the book down and trust me theres been a lot. The cheesy scenes were just bad, i thought the movie overdid it , but it actually townd it down. The fact that they didnt follow the book to the tee really saved them a lot of embaracment. So many unececery will they wont they scenes, so many jelous scenes and not to mention the were hiding that were together yet let everyone see us scenes .. really, that was nececery? The writing in the first half of the book really had me, it was good, the flow of the story was good and i could see where it was going and i was down with it, but then the second half happaned and …. Let me explain. FIRST HALF OF THE BOOK We get to follow both characters as they are going trough a new unusual chapter in there life. Noah is a 17yo girl who is leaving her identity behind ( as it is for every teenager - friends, home, relationship if there is one) because her mother remaried a ritch guy. BTW ID RATHER READ RAHELAS AND WILL STORY THAN THIS. For Nick its welcoming 2 strangers into his life which are there to stay for more than he is compfortable with, a stepmom and stepsister. Hes not so excited about this since hes been having a secret life behind his fathers back and now keeping it behind 3 is gonna make it dificult sooner or later. So we get to see how these 2 worlds crash together, a very enemies to lovers kind of tale. Noach keeps entering Nicks world without really wanting to but more going with the flow as she is trying to fit in the new world that she has found herself in, and Nick slowly getting to see that there is more to Noah and her mom than just trying to find a fast cashgrab and dipp before its too late. Its really fun to see them fight because as sai its 2 worlds mixing , meaning 2 perspectives mixing and kindoff getting to see the same pov. It gives off Pride and Prejudice 2005 vibes . So on paper something very interesting, enjoyable and quite fun to read. The second part I consider the second half of the book to begin once the 2 have had sex because after that they have stated that they are in a relationship. Once these 2 have had sex its like both there brains have turned into mush. They both are sudenly accting like 12 yo who just cant keep this very secret thing from anyone even tho they are both well in the age to act mature, at least Nick is, i get Noah being this jellous little girl who gets these tantrums and wants to jump Nick, i dont get Nick a 22 yo who has had plenty relations with girls, to act all jelous and like a little kid who cant play with his favoure toy anymore ( his dick) because his mom grounded him ( the vagina he wants to fuck belongs to his stepsister) and thats enough reason to lash out and hit everyone and enything. Its giving very much Lege of Legend player wibes who hit the wall. Now to justify the rating - 4/5- i know ive complained quite a lot about the book but honestly ive enjoyed it, yes ive roled my eyes and tossed the book away and complained about it , and still it was fun to read and fantasize about the world of Nicholas and his father Will. View all my reviews

#books and reading #my fault #culpa mia #mercedes ron #book rating

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phoenixrising0308 · 2 years

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Wacky Drabbles: FMO Keeping up with Jessica Garcia

Books: The Royal Romance Books all of them

Rating: M (18+) Sexual situation and adult themes.

Trigger Warnings in this chapter:

Pairing: Liam x Jessica Garcia (MC)

Wacky Drabble A/U: This story exists on its own and may or may not be a part of their journey together. Traits, personalities, and characters are all the same. Some canon characters may appear but in a different manifestation and by no means exist in that form in Agent Phoenix A/U this is not meant to be anything other than an A/U onto itself. Catch up with wacky drabbles here

Disclaimer

This week’s wackydrabbles dribble challenge: What wacky habit, hobby, or interest does your MC or favorite character have? You have 500 words to tell us about it!

Chapter Summary: I think the title speaks for its self but what if Liam got a little case of FOMO because his favorite duchess is hiding something from him.

A/N: time zones I was so over trying to figure it out so I'm waving the fandom magical wand on this.

A/N2: JLI short hand for Jessica and Liam in the drabble verse

Song inspiration: Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful

Word count: 495

Average reading time: 8 minutes

JLI Quarters

Liam woke up with his favorite duchess at his side. Her face was covered in chocolate, so were his silk bedsheets. In her hand the weapon… a melted bar of Hershey. Retirement was rough and sleep eating was something she did when she was troubled, along with talking to herself. He asked her for weeks what was troubling her and a typical response would be “Baby, you just don’t get it.” Deep down inside he was hurt this was the woman he nearly died for believed he was incapable of understanding what she was going through or worse that she couldn’t confide in him. Liam needed to know why she was always on edge on Thursday and devastated on Friday. Liam was desperate for answers and he turned to the men in her life that raised her he started off with Adam Garcia he was sympathetic but had nothing to offer other than to say “I’m not a fucken social worker ask her. I’m trying to hook up with her friend I can’t get involved brother.” Then he moved on to the man that attempted to taser him in the dick Mateo Garcia who greeted him with the usual “Que pasa Cabrón (What’s up dumbass)” and then he was offered a tip. The NYPD Captain told him it was simple to come home at 1:15 pm to see what she was up to. Liam did just that.

At 1:15 pm he abruptly entered the home they shared and saw Jessica hysterically crying into a bag of Doritos with a few empty cans of Coke Zero Cherry. He sat next to the love of his life and held her into his arms and asked “Love, is this why you’ve been so upset every week?”

“See, I told you you wouldn’t understand.”

“So explain it to me.”

“The media ruins everything. They were in love they have kids together and now she cant finish law school remember I couldn’t finish school? Remember I wanted a career but I couldn’t have one here?”

He pulled her into his arms, kissed her, and said “I see”

Jessica took a shaky breath and said, “I just want Kim to be happy she has been through so much. Kimye’s marriage was a timeless love story like ours. Look at what the tabloids did to us. They ruined everything.”

Liam sighed and said, “I know love. But out of all the love stories ever written, or produced ours is the best. We will stand the test of time. You are my happy beginning and ending. I can’t even begin to express how much you mean to me. Also, I have been following along Leo watches this and you know what I want Scott to get back with Kourtney myself.” He kissed her on the forehead and they watched the show in silence. And at the end, of the show they Kim K ugly-cried together while holding each other.

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ocdhuacheng · 2 years

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i get that people genderbend male character to be female in mxtx stories (esp if those ppl are wlw) because the majority of characters are male and it is focused on mlm content. so i support wlw simping over cool necromancer lesbians you go girlies, but in general i tend to stay away from genderbend stuff because sooooo much of it is made by cis ppl and it can be a bit transphobic? it also a lot of the times falls into the cishet gender stereotype shit of "women big boobie slim waist small big lips big eyes, men big buff strong macho 8 pack square" which is! oh no cringe!

yeah EXACTLY like my thoughts too. bc the vast majority of genderbending made by cis ppl really is just. like you said. biological gender stereotype shit. i feel like most trans people i see are made pretty uncomfortable by this, and i can totally see why, so i am too. but at the same time i DO understand wlw who want more content with girls/wlw characters esp when there are so few to begin with. so like im kinda willing to give wlw the benefit of the doubt in this case even though i dont rly like to interact with it myself. but also, my beloved sisters in christ... baihe exists

the only genderbending ill really interact with is works with sqx, he xuan*, and hua cheng like since theyre the ones that are shown to or mentioned to change gender in canon. (ling wen too, tho tbh i dont rly care about male!ling wen lmfao, just for the sole reason that, well. i am a lesbian. tho i do have to say the lore behind her male form is actually rather compelling and i think if mxtx were more skilled and open to writing analysis about gender, it could lead to a very thoughtful and nuanced discussion of how ling wen views herself, rather than just if she looks like a cis woman shes a woman if she looks like a cis man shes a man. because iirc she only shapeshifted to get the extra power she had in her male form? that doesnt mean that she is now a man, but in those scenes the book automatically refers to her as such. would love an extra about ling wen's self image and gender. but no, we had to get the statue sex and weird underage amnesia stuff 🙄)

BUT ANYWAY like idk if it really counts as genderbending in tgcf's case? but either way i know mxtx made that ~gods and ghosts can change gender at will~ thing just as a haha comedic relief thing like i think them having the power to do that is totally cool but i do not think it was done respectfully at all, especially with sqx, since mxtx kind of either intentionally or not sends the message (at least to me) that you can only be trans if you pass as cis. ive said it a million times before and ill say it again but the way sqx is never referred to as a woman (by the characters, the narrative, and even THEMSELF) after they lose the ability to LOOK like a cis woman is so so infuriating to me. like theyre not going to just STOP being genderfluid/trans just bc they cant change their appearance. and also not to mention throughout the book they were just kinda treated as being silly and immature for wanting to change their gender in the first place, so, another win for transphobia i guess. though i can appreciate having a canon trans/genderfluid character, they definitely could have been written better in that regard

*while i love fem!he xuan... it did leave a kinda dirty taste in my mouth when mxtx had to make sure we knew that he xuan only did it to appease sqx, and actually hated being a woman. and the way it was talked about too like 'oh he was forced to be in a womans body so OF COURSE he was super pissed the entire time' like i cant explain it but it was just kind of upsetting. kinda transphobic and misogynist. one might even say,..... transmisogynist 🤔

this answer kinda ended up going on a tangent but yea lol thanks for the ask ^^

#what the fuck ever. my canon now #he xuan nonbinary legend #also the thing with hua cheng is even tho we never see his female form ive just kinda always headcanoned him as genderfluid #and since he changes his skins like by the hour lmfao it just feels kinda natural to me?#idk #and as a disclaimer #idrk my gender? i dont really think im cis but also i dont really think i can call myself trans either.#so apologies if im wording things in a problematic way at all #asks #.txt #agenderenvi #tgcf #<- just for my blog organization even tho the ask wasnt specifically about it i just ended up talking about it a lot

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archive2394934 · 1 year

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I want to state that I absolutely love your account and your points. I’m a big fan of analysis especially with fictional tragic characters. And yes Henry isn’t a perfect person by any means, but he deserved a lot better and I hope when we learn more about his backstory we understand him even more. It’s also nice to see more people acknowledge that Henry did not create the Mindflayer. Personally I think the flayer let Henry form it the way he did and is using him. Plus there are also a lot of similarities that I noticed when rewatching the Lotr recently and Stranger Things (hell Lord of the Rings was referenced in season four). I feel like Henry is a combination of two characters, Saruman and Sméagol/Gollum and the MF is I guess the “Sauron” or the dark/evil force. I plan on doing LONG post in the future that explains this in a deeper way with pictures. But like there are a lot of references specifically with Sméagol. Both were corrupted mentally and physically by a dark force, both were casted out by said families, both were captured, abused, and isolated, both of them formed a “bond” with a spider, and both sought companionship with someone who understood them who would end up denying them. YES the circumstances and affects are different for sure, but both of them are tragic villain characters who were victims of their circumstances and how they were treated by those around them. (I know this is a lot, but when I rewatch Stranger Things and Lord of the Rings it gives me ideas 😭 and I wanted to share this with someone who analyzes Henry Creel more than just being a villain but a character that is super complexed).

🥺Omg thank you so much! I'm glad for that. Also thank you for sharing that, that is actually REALLY interesting. I see this fandom talk about things like LOR, and Horry Pooter and Star Wars and like parallels they find with characters and stories and I just have to sit and nod because I'm a fake nerd and those are the 3 franchises in nerddom I don't know anything about (insert your favs would hate you post and its the whole party + eddie @ me) so I can't really comment on them but yeah its always so INTERESTING reading posts about it and how it relates to ST. I know all the horror inpos, cos I'm a horror fanatic, and I also know most of the comic book inpos but yeah the actual fantasy adventure type inspos are the ones I'm NOT that familiar with--- at least not the bigger, most recognizable ones. Because I do know Legend somewhat and I'm pretty sure Legend has a relevancy to ST as well but I haven't watched it since I was a kid so I want to rewatch it and then maybe make a post about it in the future (if I can be bothered jdfkkdf) But yeah! I'd love to read your thing if/when you get round to making it! And I def agree, I feel the mind flayer is absolutely bigger than the fandom currently wants to give it credit for (Though I cant even begin to fathom why its so majority to completely refuse that idea). All the scenes and things I've pointed out would make no sense otherwise. And I think its extremely interesting how almost every one of the inspirations used to make Vecna as a character are characters who SERVE or are influenced by some type of evil entity as opposed to just being the actual or 'soul' big bad themselves. Plus Vecna from DnD has The Serpent and similarities between The Serpent and the MF from what is suggested in canon are uncanny. I also def think the MF probably kinda "coached" Henry into choosing that particular shape for it. It would explain Henry's weirdly accurate childhood drawing. Like I might think otherwise if Henry just drew that 'spider-shape' but the way he put such effort into depicting it as true to life as possible and for that drawing to turn out so realistic to how the MF actually did end up looking down to the 'texture' of it ... That just feels odd. Putting that with all the other little weird things in Henry and Victor's flashback it does add up pretty well!

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actualbird · 2 years

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hi hi!!! for the ask game, would you mind answering numbers 9, 26, and/or 32 please?

have a nice day dude!!!! :D

EYYO SAAMMMM :DDDDD. yess i would love to answer all of these, i am eating the numbers as we speak (....as we...type?)

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

i do!!!! i dont think it's obvious from like, how i am online, but im a hugely superstitious person. it comes from the family upbringing and also a lot of experiences ive had in my life. cw death talk incoming, but 2 loved ones of mine have died in this house, and idk. im sure theyre still here. and not in a scary way, they just Live Here, like how i live here, it's their house too!! i wont b able to explain how i Know without sounding much more silly to many ppl, but yes, i do believe in ghosts!

and theyre nice!!! so long as u arent a dickbag to them, that is. they just want a place to chill.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

i get into it like this

DEADASS. LIKE, WHILE IT’S MEME-Y THIS IS MY METHOD

i.e., i have to find something that i can relate to with the character to be able to write them

like, it doesnt have to be the entire character’s personality, thats impossible. it can just be one (1) thing that i personally resonate with. and like....thats the window on how i get in and begin to understand everything else. like, lemme take two current blorbos i love, one thats easiest for me to write and one thats the hardest: luke and vyn

luke has so many windows. all of them are open, the front door is unlocked, hell, theres a hole in the roof. getting into his head-house is supremely easy for me since i relate to a lot of his personality/thought processes.

for vyn, it felt like breaking in like in a heist movie JHVKJHVSKFJHAS. i could not get in there for a While until i saw a singular air vent labeled “DESIRE TO HAVE AND KEEP KNOWLEDGE, AS KNOWLEDGE BECOMES A FULCRUM WHERE HE CAN LEVERAGE HIMSELF INTO A SAFER VANTAGE POINT” and i was like bINGOOOOOOOO!! related very much to that. and with that as the square 1, i was able to see everything else and understand the rest

as to How i find the opening, thats where all my ridiculous analyses come in. i need to pour over the stories and whats there already and find entrance points. like, character rambles is basically me trying to make the heist map.

i think this metaphor is getting out of hand but yeA.

and it’s p easy for me to get out cuz all the characters i write are very much Not Me so i just scuttle out of the head-house again. never rlly regretted any time i had to put on a character hat, like. even if it’s an evil-fucked-up character, it’s a learning experience both in writing and and thinking

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

poem line:

“Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we’ll never get used to it.”

from Scheherazade by Richard Siken. first read it in a writing workshop in 2015. this was the first time i actually read poetry (i was a fiction bitch thru and thru) and i was like oh FUCK okay. i see now the beauty in this form

novel line:

“He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe. Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.”

from Mort by Terry Pratchett. first read in 2016, i was just going thru my older brother’s books (and inadvertently starting my love for pratchett’s writing //chef’s kiss!!!). it’s just such a simple and wonderful line. resonates a lot w me cuz im very much a “WHAT IS THE ANSWER, WHAT IS THE SOLUTION TO THE RIDDLE” about everything but Not Everything has that. life gets a bit mucky trying to solve things that cant be solved

aaaaand fanfic line:

“There are the nights when no one dreams, or dreams are small and life-sized--broken strings and shipwrecked boats, dishabille, or seagulls. There are the nights when Newt can sleep, the dawns he doesn't see. Of those, there are not many. But there are some.”

from Designations Congruent with Things by cleanwhiteroom. this is a pacific rim fanfic that ran from 2013-2014 (no longer on ao3 but archived in many places by ppl who loved it) and it became a cult classic within the fandom for good reason. it is one of the most phenomenal things ive ever read in my life, across the span of All kinds of written work. this fanfic REWIRED MY BRAIN AT 13 YEARS OLD.

and i still reread it every other year and im frigging blown away every time. these lines in particular just.....they Stayed In My Head. in the aftermath of complicated trauma, thats the situation. it’s written so simply and strikes so hard, it’s so forlorn yet hopeful as well. there are not many. but there are some... THAT MADE ME INSANE AND I HAVE NEVER RECOVERED.

WHEW, I TALK TOO MUCH thank u sm for the ask and giving me the opportunity to ramble, sammmm <3!!!!!

#ask meme #//proudly wearing a badge that says ''i broke into vyn's house thru an air vent''#asks #samsspambox

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pies-writes-and-more · 3 years

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haikyuu boys as expecting fathers

characters: TimeSkip!Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Kōtarō, & Ushijima Wakatoshi, all with a Fem!Pregnant!Reader

warnings: pregnant reader and mentions of having a baby so pls be mindful if this makes you dysphoric or if you’re not in a good headspace for it. But otherwise, it’s all fluff so I hope it makes you guys smile!

a/n: everyone around me irl is having babies so here is the result of that LOL i love cute stories about expecting families and shit. All of these are obviously with TimeSkip! characters! And none of the following gifs are mine so credits to the original creators! Hope you guys like it :)

haikyuu masterlist

Tsukishima loves to tease the shit out of you, and that hasn’t really changed since you started getting bigger. But now, he’ll hide your cravings in the top shelves of the pantry so you have to make him come get it. He can’t help it, it’s that angry pouty look in your eyes - he’s so in love with you, even when you look like you’re about to murder him.

But despite him hiding everything you could possibly crave, he is an absolute sweetheart. He calls his mom every now and then to update her about you and the baby, probably asks about what she liked when she was pregnant. She tells him stories about liking to read to him and his brother, or how she enjoyed a nice bath if she was particularly sore that day. She even joked that she found it really hard to put her shoes on so typically she just wore slippers or easy to slip on shoes.

Cut to the next day, you wake up to Tsukishima reading a book of dinosaur facts to your belly. He’s not so much reading it as he is disputing and/or explaining further the facts that are written in it. He doesn’t notice you wake up while he waves away the book and states, “It’s fine. When you’re here, I’ll just bring you to my museum and I’ll show you in person. I can sneak you out of daycare, just don’t tell your mom.”

You had hoped to be able to keep your independence for longer than this, but found yourself struggling to properly put on your shoes. You huffed, muttering something to your unborn kid about how you’d hold this over their heads forever, and just waddled about with the backs of your shoes folded under your heel. Tsukishima raised an eyebrow as he noticed, waiting for you to sit down in the car before holding the door open and bending down to properly put your shoes on.

“Kei, what’re you doing?” You laughed, watching him swiftly tie up your laces. “They’re fine, they’re old shoes anyways.”

“If you wear your shoes like that, you’ll fall and hurt yourself,” he shrugged. “I can’t have you hurting the little Tsukishima just because you can’t put your shoes on.”

His expression was the same plain emotionless face as usual, but you smiled anyways because here he was, kneeling in front of you and helping you with what is supposed to be a simple task.

The day went on as usual, but you definitely weren’t prepared for your husband to call you into the bathroom and display the little bath he had drawn you with your favourite candle lit.

“Did you do something?” You asked him with narrow eyes, making him scoff.

He rolled his eyes, helping you out of your clothes gently, “Am I really such a bad husband that you think I’d have to be feeling guilty to be nice to you?”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding playfully, “Yup. So what did you do?” You laugh and he just flicks your forehead before helping you into the tub.

You watch as he smirks a bit, holding your chin for a second and watching your eyes, “Well I’m the reason you got knocked up so I supposed I have to take care of you don’t I?”

He doesn’t hold that sultry teasing look on his face for too long, especially when you splash him with water, drenching every part of him you could reach 😂.

Bokuto is in a PANIC the closer you get to the due date. You once just felt a bit tired after vacuuming and the boy thought you holding your front meant you were going into early labour.

“I’VE GOT THE CAR KEYS BUT I CAN’T FIND MY WALLET!!! BABE HAVE YOU SEEN NY WALLET? I CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE I PUT IT. OMG WHAT IF THEY WONT TAKE US IN. WHAT IF THERE ARE SO MANY BABIES BEING BORN WE CANT GET IN. I KNEW I SHOULD’VE TAKEN A CLASS ON BIRTHING BABIES!”

You let him run around because he honestly is so entertaining to watch while panicking. He pouts about it later, talking shit about you to your belly, “Your mom’s a big meanie. You need to be born quick so we can team up on her okay?”

“Kōtarō! Don’t you dare try to turn my baby against me!” You laughed, swatting at his head.

Man is overly prepared for any sort of situation. He already set up all the safety baby measures, like corner cushions and outlet covers, though now he’s considering locking up all the knives into a cupboard.

“Kōtarō... how am are supposed to cook like this?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at the lack of your sharp cooking knives.. and the butter knives.

The grown man just poured some more, “I gotta keep both my babies safe alright? I’ll cut everything for you so you don’t cut yourself.”

Except for the fact that Bokuto is definitely more accident prone than you are and has a few bandaids on his fingers now.

As an expecting dad, Bokuto found himself getting more and more teary eyed at any situation that involved a family or a baby. Whether that was just seeing kids and families play in the park that the two of you walked past sometimes, or seeing a commercial for diapers with happy bouncy babies, you would turn to see a misty-eyed Bokuto who would then turn to you and wrap you in a tight squeeze.

He was beyond excited at this point to meet your little baby - he wanted to know what they would look like. The perfect mix between the most perfect woman in the world and him, who was pretty cool thank you very much. This baby was going to be the cutest most amazing kid ever, who would definitely play a really great game of volleyball, Bokuto was sure of it.

Let’s be honest though, pregnancy is not an easy journey. Bokuto loved seeing you grow the baby but he knew that it was a difficult process for you. You were always sore and at the beginning you were always sick. And there were some days where you literally didn’t feel attractive or beautiful at all, but Bokuto would praise you as high as he always did regardless.

“You are the most perfect lady I have ever laid eyes on. The most gorgeous being to ever walk this universe!” He told you one day, pressing kisses all over your face as you laid across a couch.

“Thanks,” you tried to give him a smile - you always appreciated his compliments, even if you didn’t necessarily agree.

“What’s wrong?” He asked you with a small frown, noting your forced smile.

“I just… feel bleh. Not at all like how you’re saying I look,” you admitted with a small smile.

Bokuto’s eyes grew wide in shock, jumping over the couch to sit down on the floor next to you. He clasped your hands in his, pressing kissing to them gently as well. “I know you might not feel it… but I hope you know that I still think it. I don’t even have to force it. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, and that hasn’t changed even though your body is changing a bit. I don’t need you to wear the most perfect makeup or the best dress for me to think you’re gorgeous. You’re perfect just laying here in my old sweats and I’m happy that I get to come home to see you like this every day,” he grinned, touching your cheek affectionately.

You loved this man. He was so sweet to you in every way possible. But sometimes…. sometimes his sweetness just went a little too overboard. You tried to insist to him that you were pregnant but that didn’t mean you couldn’t do anything. Man refuses to let you do anything for yourself. No lifting boxes, no lifting anything in fear that you might hurt your back.

“Kōtarō, it’s just my purse,” you tried to point out in a laugh, trying to reach it as he held it above your head.

“Nope! Not happening. What if you hurt yourself?”

“... with my purse?”

“Ya!”

“Kōtarō, I have to go shopping for food or we won’t have anything to eat. And baby needs to eat!”

“Well I’ll come with you then!”

“You’ve got practice!”

“It’s fine, I’ll tell them I’ll practice another time! My perfect wife and baby come first,” he’d grin at you and insist on opening all the doors as you two made your way to the car. You fall in love with this man more and more every day, even if he keeps stealing things from your hands.

Ushijima is a really nervous new dad, even if you can’t really tell from his stoic expression. He listens intently to all of the parenting advice people give, bought a few books about newborns, and has hundreds of tabs on his laptop of ranging topics from baby products people insist are necessary, mommy blogs about what is important to do when pregnant, and research that he doesn’t quite understand but feels is important nonetheless.

Ushijima isn’t necessarily a man of words all the time, so you were surprised to find that he started to talk a lot more after finding out that your child could hear him.

“You don’t have to play volleyball if you don’t want to,” he told them quietly one day while the two of you were on the couch. It came so out of the blue that you actually thought he was talking to you.

“Hm?”

“... do you think they’d want to play volleyball?” He asked you sheepishly, glancing at you with a shy expression.

You thought about it for a moment and slowly started to smile, “Well they’ll be attending every single one of your games so I’m sure they’ll be at least interested in learning!”

Ushijima nodded and you watched as a soft smile graced his face. You kept your eyes on him for just a moment longer, seeing a flicker of uncertainty on him.

“Wakatoshi, don’t you dare think for one second you’ll be a bad dad,” you warned him, poking his side and making him jump from surprised.

He stared at you for a moment, blinking, “You know what I’m thinking?”

“I know that you’ve been worried about being a good dad ever since I told you I was pregnant. I know that you’re nervous about being the kind of dad you always wanted to have growing up. I know because I’m terrified of being a good mom too,” you admitted with a nervous sort of smile, interlacing your fingers together. “We’ll be okay together though.”

Ushijima nodded and hummed softly, “We’ll have to take them to France.”

“France??”

“Satori wants to meet them too. He said he would make them chocolate.”

It wouldn’t just be the baby that Satori is constantly trying to spoil, but you as well. He sends over packages of his chocolate for you to try, grinning ear to ear when you call him for a catch-up call.

“Do you like them?” Tendō asked, and you could hear him humming to himself as he moved around a kitchen.

“I love them! But you’re going to make us fat if you keep sending them! They’re much too yummy for me to stop eating!” You laughed, eyes wandering to the kitchen where you knew you still had a few bits of his chocolate left.

“No no no no. I’m just trying to make sure your baby is a cute healthy plump baby! They’ll grow nice and strong!”

It always made you smile, knowing that all these people who loved your husband wanted to love you and the baby as well. Even Ushijima’s new teammates would come by and bring snacks or anything they thought might aid you in your pregnancy. Though, Kageyama wasn’t really sure what pregnant people or babies liked, so he just brought a whole bag of the milk boxes he liked.

“You’ve got to grow big and strong so that I can defeat you in volleyball one day. I can’t defeat your dad right now… cause he’s on my team. But I’ll defeat an Ushijima one day for sure,” he muttered to your belly with a fierce intensity in your eyes that made you laugh, making his ears turn red as he realized that you also heard him (Kageyama, the baby is attached to her, of course she heard you lol).

As it neared your due date, Ushijima prepared himself mentally every passing day. He wanted to be 110% ready so he went over your birthing plan mentally at least 10 times a day and reread over all the articles and information he had gathered over the months. He wanted to be the best father possible, but you insisted to him that you weren’t worried about this at all. After all, he was already the best husband you could ever have asked for.

haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to join!)

@al0ehas @aurumk @neko-chii1 @thisnoodlewritesao3 @satan-ruler-of-hells @trashy-simp @jeppiet @tobi-momo @darkvadeeer @haikyuutothetop @livy384 @babyshoyo @jesssobs @b-bakana

#bokuto x reader #ushijima x reader #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu!!

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kylosgenesis · 3 years

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Teardrops on Fire

Synopsis:

Steve Rogers is the last Alpha of the an almost extinct Lycan pack. With only less than 100 members left. Steve must produce an heir to ensure the species survival and reduce the chance of attacks from others. Omegas are rare, and betas have a hard time producing children. Steves reality is finally setting in as his obligation of producing an heir faces a major set back.

Reader is the last suitable omega to mate with Steve, due to the fear of her daughters fate in the pack, her mother kept her hidden from the pack after her own exile. Only her mother, and Bucky's family know of her existence. Bucky is Steve's right hand man, and the packs best warrior! He and the reader developed a friendship and bond over the years, but age forced them to become distant.

What happens when she presents and her first heat cycle comes? Her body is in excruciating pain and a strong fever quickly overcomes her body. Facing the fear of her daughters possible death, her mom calls on the only person who can save her at this point, Alpha Steve! Bucky and the alphas friendship will be tested. The reader will be faced with her love for Bucky or her duty to the pack.

Unbeta'd: There might be spilling mistakes ( English is my second language so please be kind)

Authors note: We've made it past the filler chapters. I cant wait for the next chapter. You know when you come up with a whole story just because of one little scene on your head? thats next chapter for me. We'll be making a little time jump.

*Other Authors note at the end*

Chapter 7: I really wish I hated you

You woke up early for your morning jog, excited about your first day having a job.

When you heard Natasha mention she needed extra help at the pub, you didn’t know what possessed you to volunteer, but you were determined to have as much of a normal life as possible and this was your first step.

The air was wet from last night's rain, and the temperature had started to drop enough to require a jacket on your runs.

You finished the run in record time, and got ready for your first day. Thankfully Wanda had given you some of her old clothes, and Natasha was kind enough to let you borrow some of hers or else you would have been in the same worn clothes you'd arrived in. Steve had offered to take you shopping yesterday, but you didn’t feel comfortable with the thought. For 19 years you’d taken care of yourself and your mom, you were strong , and you didnt wanna forget that.

It’s incredible how much you’d let the past weeks change you, you felt out of place, out of mind. But having something for yourself again was once step closer to feeling your old self again.

You finished getting ready, and started coffee for Nat who would be waking up any moment now as her grouchy morning self. Just a few days with her had let you know she wasn’t the friendliest in the morning. You laughed at the mug on the counter that had the words ‘Don’t talk to me till I’ve had my coffee’ in bold letters. It fit her perfectly! Whoever gifted it to her hit the nail in the spot.

Despite not being too familiar with coffee before, it became a comfort to you. You developed a live hate relationship with the liquid, by itself it was the most disgusting thing you’d ever tasted. And you had made tea out of wild mushrooms once, so that was saying a lot. Once Nat introduced you to French vanilla creamer, you’d become addicted to it.

Setting up the two mugs on the counter you prepared your cup, before listening for the footprints coming from down the hallway.

Even with morning hair, and a red face from recently washing. Nat was easily the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen. She was all and every one of the main characters in your favorite books.

“Good morning, Nat” you handed her the coffee mug, as she still looked half asleep.

She took a couple of more sips of the liquid before you saw her soul come back into her body. She leaned against the counter while swinging and finishing the contents of her mug.

“Someone’s excited” she said with a small laugh.

“ohhhh really? What gave it away? “ you had finished your coffee, and were just pacing around the kitchen waiting for Nat.

“Well... you’re usually a morning person, but today you’re even more of a morning person than usual.” She set her mug in the sink , and reached for the hair tie in her wrist as she neatly gathered her hair into an effortless ponytail.

“ I don’t know how you do it, but I hope it will rub on me at some point” you both laughed.

You were almost ready to leave when Nat reentered the kitchen with a hairbrush and some pins.

“Nat , if that's your way of saying I need to fix my hair we’re going to be late, I’m sure it’s fine. “

She motioned you to the seat near the counter and you sat down. Trying to protest against Natasha would get you nowhere.

“First of all you’re never late if you own the place” she started slowly brushing the ends of your hair as you relaxed at the gentle massage of the brush.

“Second, you’ve been wearing the same ponytail since I met you. You have a new life, and a new job.” You felt her take a small strand from the front of your hair, and pin it to the back, and the same motion on the other side.

“ My mom always said when you look good, you feel good! And I want you to be a strong confident woman” she put all the products on the counter as she took your face upon her hands.

“ You deserve to be happy and besides… you might bump into anyone in this town. So you better look good” she laughed

“I'm telling you, those old ladies can be mean!” Nat made her best impression of one of them ”back in my day we wouldn't leave the house unkept… no alpha would ever settle for that. I don't know what's with this new generation” she sounded so funny you couldn't help but snort as you broke in laughter.

When you both regained your composure she forms loose strands around your face “ ohhh shit, now we might actually be a little late. Come on!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you arrived at the pub, there was already a white truck in the parking lot. Nat took the keys out of her purse, and tuned the lock. The place certainly looked different without the lights or people, but it still felt cozy to you. Coming from the back was a faint light, and you could hear some thrashing noises. Nat didn’t seem bothered, so she just tuned in the rest of the lights and you flooded her to the kitchen. His smell hit you before he even rounded the corner. He came into the kitchen holding a large box that blocked his view.

“Hey Bucky” you waved at him. Causing him to drop the box. The sound of metal falling as it hit the floor.

You and Nat just stared at bucky's confused gaze. Before Nat cleared her throat.

“I should’ve told you yesterday, but she’ll be starting to work with us. I thought it would be a good idea for her to get to know everyone.”

Bucky bent down to pick the spilled contents of the box, you followed after gathering a few of the metal tools.

“I hope it’s okay with you?” You asked him, not really knowing how he'd respond.

“ Yeah, it’s fine by me” he said with a nervous tone as you handed him the pieces from your hand, and you felt a current run down your spine at the contact of his hand against yours, which he quickly removed.

You all exited the kitchen towards the bar where he placed the box

“I couldn’t sleep last night, so I came over. Thought maybe I could clean the inventory room, but I noticed the beer tap wasn’t working“

“It seemed to be working just fine yesterday, Barnes”

“By just fine, you mean extremely slow pull time? “ he turned to face nat caring the large box out of the room with you both following suit.

“ then it works like a charm ” he made the snarky remark towards Nat, but you couldn’t help to notice his eyes were on you the whole time.

“Fine, but don't break it more” she pointed at him. “ last time you tried to fix something the AC was down for three days”

“And you're never gonna let me forget that wont you?

“Nope” she was already walking away from him as she responded.

“I’ll have it running by opening” he kneeled in front of the small fridge, under the beer tap. .

“Who’s gonna order a beer at 10 in the morning?” You asked, watching over his shoulder as he tweaked with the mechanisms of the fiter on the inside

“ You’d be surprised!” He looked back at you, noticing you already holding the wrench he was looking for.

“Thanks” He smiled, and took the wrench from you. You hadn’t seen him like that in 10 years, he seemed relaxed!

“Howd you learn to do that?” he turned back to face you surprised at your choice of tool.

“ the fridge broke down a couple of times on us, so i learned from taking it apart and back together...after a while you get good at mechanics” you laughed

I still wouldnt trust me to fix it though. Id rather you take the blame if it doesnt work”

“Playing devils advocate now? “ he was flushing water through the hose system before turning on the machine again. You watched attemptively at his concentrating gaze.

“No… id just rather stay on Nat’s good side.”

“Good choice! She punches hard” he seemed relax with you. It made you feel tingly inside as you both had a sense of normality after 10 years.

“Not as hard as me!“ you reapplied

“Definitely not. I still get phantom pains from those” you both laughed.

You patted his shoulder as you got up to Shadow Nat.

Bucky grabbed your arm before you turned to leave. It's nice to see you! … you look... “ he eyed you head to toe and you felt his gaze linger on your hair “ you look beautiful!”

You felt drawn to him, just being around him brought you comfort in a way you couldn’t explain.

You both felt a tug as you left with Nat, turning back to take a glance at him and noticed he had his eyes glued on you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once the rush after lunch was over you were wiping down the tables. You felt the exhaustion of the job begin to take over.

You knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but compared to your daily tasks back at the cabin. It was a different kind of exhaustion.

“Don't quit on me just yet” Nat said as she voiced a tray of cups to the back.

“Not yet, but I definitely didn’t know how much people can drink before 3 o’clock” you both laughed as you wiped down the last few of the tables. So far you’d just used the tap, or poured some easy drinks. As the day got slower, Nat promised to train you on some specialty stuff.

You held on to the table as you felt a dizzying feeling deep through you, then you felt a pair of arms behind you.

“Here!” Bucky placed a cup of water in front of you as you eagerly reached for it and frank it entirely in a few gulps.

“Thank you, I should probably start keeping track of how much I owe you every time you rescue me”

You turned back to face him.

“How did you know?”

“ I could feel it through the..” He didn’t have to say it but you knew what he was referring to.

“Ohhh so that’s what that one is” You looked amused as you stared at him.

“I can’t always tell what the bond is trying to say, but I guess being an alpha just makes it easier to interpret ” he was starting to walk away as the words where leaving his mouth

“Is that why you were avoiding me ?” He stopped on his tracks.

“ I wasn’t avoiding you!” He turned to you.

“It kinda seemed like you were.” you stood your ground and placed your hands crossed around your chest in an effort to appear more composed.

“The past weeks I’ve just thought of you, and this bond! “ you pointed at your neck “ I had this voice that kept telling me I wasn’t good enough.”

You felt the pent up feeling of fear, sadness, and frustrations of a few weeks finally leave.

“You know Bucky, I can’t tell what the bond is trying to say, cause I haven’t spent enough time with you to even know how to read you.” You felt the tears stream down your face as the knot on your throat cleared

Bucky walked towards you pulling you into an embrace, just as the tears began to stream down your face. His smell calming you, and his heartbeat merging with yours as he allowed himself to let go of his fear.

“I will always be inclined to take care of you “ he said, burying his head into your hair. While you continued to embrace him.

“Not just because of the bond, but because I loved you more than anything once” you felt your heart stop at his words.

“I thought I hurt you, and I couldn’t forgive myself. But I realized I was running away. That's why I was staying away! “ he lifted your head, and you felt the honesty of his words when you looked into his eyes.

“I missed you ... you know all those years I thought I did something wrong.” You said with choked words.

“ I loved y...”

You both heard the sound of shattering glass. You responded first separating yourself from Bucky and running towards the source. Bucky cursed under his breath, and ran after the source as well.

You walked into the kitchen to see a couple of bottles shattered on the floor. The liquid contents inside spilled all over the floor. You leaned over and started picking up the large pieces of glass.

“You guys alright? “ Nat stormed the kitchen not knowing what she’d find.

“Yeah, we're fine ” Bucky said, examining the room. “We were in the main room, and heard the crash, we thought you were injured”

“Peter must’ve put the bottles on the edge... that boy is going to be the death of me. I'll go get the mop ” you saw Nat had retreated to the pantry.

“Here, let me help you” Bucky was helping you scoop the pieces of glass.

“Careful!” You looked at Bucky and laughed at his worry “ Buck, I’ve been skinning prey with knives shapelier than this since I was 5 ... I think I can handle some glass.”

He was looking at you in awe, you realized after the words had left your mouth “ I haven’t heard you say Buck in a long time” He smiled at you.

“ ohhh that’s cause you used to say it made you think of deer” you were picking up the last pieces.

“ I was a growing boy... always hungry”

He helped you up, and you noticed he used his metal arm to do so.

He noticed you staring, he was wearing a tight black t-shirt. It was short sleeved which you hadn’t seen him wear yet.

“Does it hurt?” You traced your fingers through the cold metal.

“ Not physically, sometimes I forget it’s there” he admired the way your eyes fell fascinated with the metal segments and the mechanism as he flexed.

“Hey, Bucky do you mind cleaning the spill? I’ve got a few minutes, so I’d like to show her some drinks” Nat walked into the kitchen with the industrial mop.

“I got it” he winked at Nat.

He smiled at you as you left the kitchen, and you felt your heart skip a beat at that smile.

You hoped he wasn’t actively trying to spy on you through the bond or else you might be caught in a vulnerable position.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Nat collapsed into the couch at the end of a long day.

“ My feet are killing me! “ you massaged the soles of your feet as you eyed Nat get comfortable on the couch.

“ You get used to it!...ohhh gods I can’t wait to shower”

“You say that, but you’re in fact getting more comfortable ” you teased at her.

“I never said I’d shower right now” She threw one of the pillows next to her at you and just as you were about to return the gesture.

Lights lit up the living room from outside as a car approached.You heard a door shutting and the sound of footsteps approaching the house.

“ I’ll go check it out” you stood up and walked to the door, just as someone was about to knock you opened the door.

“Steve, hey how’s it going? “ you felt the same nerves you felt meeting him the first time.

“ Good... good” you could see his breath as he spoke in the cold of the night. His hands were tucked in his jacket pockets.

“Would you like to go on a walk ?” he motioned to the trail along the house.

“Sure!” You hesitantly stepped out of the comfort of Nat’s house and into the cold night. You were still getting to know Steve, so the ambiance still felt awkward around him. You just followed his lead and waited for his next words.

“ I was wondering how your first day went? ... I wanted to stop by, but Wanda needed me at the school” he faced you as you walked together.

“ It went very well! We had actually just gotten home! “ you were cradling your elbows in a hug trying to preserve your body’s warmth from the house.

“It was a lot to learn, but Nat and Bucky made it a lot easier on me” you replied with a small laugh, but noticed Steve’s eyes glued on you. His jaw tensing up at the mention of Bucky from your mouth.

“That’s good...” he noticed you shiver, he took off his jacket and handed it to you. It was a kind gesture. The jacket just smelled like him. You felt his smell overwhelm the faint traces of Bucky.

“Are you excited?“

“ Well yes ....?it’s been really good so far, I can’t wait to get the hang of it” you picked at the strand of hair surrounding your face tucking it behind your ear.

“So he didn’t tell you?” Steve said with a snark

“Tell me what? “ you felt your heart speed up.

“Bucky made a deal with the Wakandan's Coven... they are going to undo the mating. Next full moon you’ll be free again.”

You could tell he was awaiting a reaction, he just crept closer till you could feel his breath in your skin.

You felt lightheaded at his words “ that’s... news”

You felt tears stream down your eyes. Today things had felt like they were always meant to be. Bucky had made you feel like you could trust him.

But he had known, and you fell for it! Once again you felt like a part of someone else's agenda, not your own. Just an omega, in a world of alphas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors Note:

Do you think the bottles were an accident?

Tags:@dottirose @tanyaherondale @iloveshawnieboi @marmite79 @austynparksandpizza @nerdgirljen @exposition-belongs-somewhere @patzammit @connie326 @blessedwedgie

#alpha bucky x omega reader #alpha bucky #alpha steve rogers #alpha steve x omega reader #alpha beta omega #omegaverse #omega reader #alpha bucky barnes #alpha steve rogers x omega reader #alpha Bucky barnes x reader

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missmentelle · 3 years

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lately ive been struggling with delusions and i cant bring them up with my current psych because she's really ableist. im not sure when ill be able to get a new psych, but im hoping soon. often im unable to tell that my delusions arent reality and i talk about them as though theyre real, and its starting to upset my friends. im wondering if you have tips on how i could manage this until i get a new psych, or maybe tips on how i could find a psych thatd work for me? i havent seen a new one in yrs

Hey, I’m really sorry to hear that you’re dealing with an unsupportive psychiatrist or psychologist. It’s always very disappointing when a mental health professional holds such damaging views about the people they are supposed to be supporting.

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to manage delusions on your own, aside from getting on the right dose of the correct medication. It is, unfortunately, not really possible to talk someone out of a delusion. It’s especially unlikely that you’ll be able to talk yourself out of a delusion, as by definition, you won’t be able to tell if you’re in the middle of one. You can try to prevent delusional episodes by keeping your stress levels down as much as possible, but this is not foolproof, and it may be very difficult to avoid stress while you are living through an unprecedented global pandemic/climate catastrophe/economic crisis combo.

If you struggle with delusions and you don’t have the correct medication yet, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to make sure that the people around you are aware of the situation and know what to do if you start having a delusion. This is a symptom that really takes a team effort to manage properly, and it’s essential that your friends and family know what to do:

Loved ones should be made aware of your delusions, including their common themes. It can be an extremely scary experience for everyone involved when someone starts saying and believing things that are completely detached from reality. Your loved ones need to know that this is something that happens to you sometimes, and they need to know some of the common delusions that they should look for. If you often have delusions that involve thinking there are secret messages on TV, for instance, that’s something your loved ones should know to look for so they can recognize it as soon as it starts happening.

Loved ones should record the time, duration, intensity and content of your delusions. Whenever you have a delusional episode, the people around you should note down what you were doing when it started, how it started, how long it went on for, how intense it was, and what kinds of things you were saying and doing. This information can be helpful for trying to figure out what - if anything - makes you more likely to have a delusion, and what kinds of delusions you are more likely to have. When you do find a good doctor, this will also be useful information for them to have.

Loved ones should remain as calm as possible. Delusions are often very scary for the person experiencing them - it is common for someone experiencing a delusion to believe that someone is after them, that they are being monitored by the government or some other large organization, that someone is sending them secret messages through ordinary TV broadcasts, or that their food has been contaminated or poisoned in some way. These are very scary, and people experiencing delusions are often in a state of extreme panic or fear. This is why it’s important for loved ones to recognize what is happening, and remain calm - if they also become panicked or fearful, it will only make you more afraid. To best support you during a frightening delusion, they should aim to be collected, reassuring and soothing. They should speak in short, clear sentences, and validate your emotions - if you seem very frightened, they can simply say “That sounds very scary, I am very sorry this is happening to you.”

Loved ones should not “play along” with the delusions, but they also should not try to talk you out of it. It is not possible to talk someone out of a delusion. Playing along with a delusion is also unhelpful, as it can make the person experiencing the delusion more agitated and even more disconnected from reality. Instead, your loved ones should simply try to redirect you - they should assure you that everything is okay, allow you to express your feelings and experiences, and then try to turn your attention toward a conversation or activity that is less frightening for you. If you are suddenly panicked that all the food in the house has been poisoned and are insisting you need to throw out all the food, for instance, your loved ones should not argue with you, but should simply assure you that everything is okay and try to direct you to another activity, like going for a walk with them.

Loved ones should try to safeguard you until the delusion passes. The vast majority of people who experience psychosis or delusions never become violent. However, there is a risk of harming yourself or ending up in legal trouble while in a deluded state, and loved ones should take steps to try to make sure you are safe. You should, for instance, absolutely be prevented from driving while in a delusional state. Some people have a tendency to make strange online purchases or book plane tickets while delusional - if that is the case with you, it’s probably best if you be prevented from accessing your credit cards until you’ve recovered.

If you become a danger to yourself and others, or if your delusions aren’t passing on their own, your loved ones should seek help right away. There are, unfortunately, limits to what your loved ones can manage on your own, and your safety has to be top priority. If you are at serious risk of harming yourself and your loved ones aren’t able to keep you safe, there needs to be a plan in place for how to get you help. If your loved ones can safely transport you to a hospital, that is one option. If they cannot, they should contact your local mobile crisis mental health team, if possible (this is a travelling team of mental health nurses and professionals who respond to mental health emergencies - this service may or may not be available in your area). If it exists, your loved ones all need to have the phone number for that service and be comfortable calling them. If 911 is the only option, your loved ones need to know when to make that call, and they should be prepared to accompany you to the hospital to advocate for your, or to request a patient advocate once you arrive (most hospitals in North America, at least, will have an advocate available - this is a person who knows your rights and ensures that everything is being properly explained to you and your family).

As far as locating a good doctor goes, I think your best bet is to seek out recommendations from your peers - try to connect with people with similar mental health struggles in your area, and ask them if they are happy with their current doctor. There may also be an organization in your area that can make recommendations - most areas will have a local schizophrenia or psychosis society (or something with a similar name) that may be able to point you toward doctors they’ve heard good things about. If your area has a specific psychosis team or clinic, that may also be a good place to start - they will specialize in your specific symptoms, and generally have a better understanding of how to work with you in a constructive way.

It’s also important that you start looking for a new doctor right away. Early intervention is critical when it comes to symptoms of psychosis - the sooner you get proper treatment, the better you’ll respond to treatment and the greater your odds that you’ll be able to successfully manage your condition. Although delusional episodes may pass on their own, the underlying condition won’t - without treatment, delusional episodes tend to become more severe and longer-lasting over time, and you may begin to experience other symptoms of psychosis like auditory hallucinations or a severe disruption of your sleep patterns. Early treatment can mean a huge improvement to your overall quality of life, and I really cannot emphasize enough how important it is for you take that step as soon as you can. Best of luck to you! MM

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