#i chant to myself on the verge of tears lol

[tangerinesunbeam]

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#i hate myself for such such silly little things living in this household it’s so unfair #like why do i think i’m a moral failure of a human being just because i find it difficult to get in the shower before 10pm #like these things are not real!!!!!! #it’s fine i’m fine i’m normal #i chant to myself on the verge of tears lol #ANYWAY #s

[littleoddwriter]

Help | Dan Torrance x Gender Neutral!Reader

This is another vent fic. This time about a BPD episode. I was on the verge of having one so much these past weeks and especially today and yesterday, so that I decided to write a vent piece and share it, once again. I’m aware that only a few people will be able to relate to this, if at all, but hey. Self-indulgence. I really wish I had a Dan Torrance or Roman Sionis IRL for myself, lol.

summary; You experience a BPD episode, Dan comes to the rescue and helps you through the rest of it.

notes; TW // self-harm (scratching, hair pulling and punching oneself), dissociation, BPD episode, intrusive thoughts (mentioned), flashbacks (mentioned), recovering alcoholic almost having a relapse (mentioned), that should be all. Also: Gender Neutral!Reader (no gendered terms are used for reader, so this can be enjoyed by anyone!); Emotional Hurt/Comfort; 

You were sitting on the couch, watching one of your comfort movies. Dan was out, attending his regular AA meetings. You wished he was here, though deep down you were glad he wasn't.

Why you were watching this comfort movie was because you thought it would help making you feel better, distract you, make you less difficult to be around, when Dan came back.

It had worked for maybe half an hour, then you became restless; the intrusive thoughts came back full force. The flashbacks, too. It was all too much. You wanted to scream.

'Shutupshutupshutup!' You chanted in your head.

You wanted it all gone.

You wanted to stop hurting.

You wanted it to fucking stop!

The feelings were too much, you felt suffocated by them, unable to breathe properly. It made you panic. Your breathing quickened, you bounced your leg so fast that your entire body was shaking with it. You were rocking back and forth, trying to feel it all a little less and have it leave your body.

Whatever was happening on screen, you didn't catch any of it. You saw it, but you couldn't hear it. You didn't process it at all.

More flashbacks.

More emotional pain.

More intrusive thoughts of how to relieve yourself of this anguish.

Somewhere, besides all of this, you felt floaty. Unreal. Everything around you felt so unreal. Were you even real?

A whine tore its way from your throat.

You started scratching your forearm.

You didn't even notice it until suddenly your skin had broken, was scratched open and burning.

Immediately, you stopped.

Though, you wanted to continue until it was all gone.

You tried to resist.

That wasn't what you really wanted. It was an intrusive thought, not you.

You didn't know how much time had passed. It must have been a while, though, as you vaguely noticed that the movie had almost reached its end.

Taking deep breaths, you tried to calm yourself.

Dan would be back soon. You didn't want him to see you like this. You didn't want to be a burden to him.

The pain, the guilt, the flashbacks, everything; it came back to you with an almost violent force and you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to will it all down. Push it away. Repress it.

It usually worked. Why wouldn't it work, now?

You punched your thigh.

The pain made everything stop for a moment.

You did it again.

Again.

Again.

And again.

Until you couldn't move for several minutes because of the pain that your brain was trying so hard to process.

A few moments passed.

It all came back, all over again. Even stronger, perhaps.

You wanted to scream.

You gripped your hair, pulling at it repeatedly until your scalp burned.

You rubbed over your face.

Rubbing turned into scratching.

Suddenly, there were arms around you, a body pressing against you, a warmth enveloping you.

Dan.

You startled to a stop.

"Sssh, it's okay. It's okay," you could faintly hear Dan shushing you.

You lowered your hands from your face and wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his shoulder.

A cry forced its way out of you as you started weeping, soaking his jacket in your salty tears that burned your eyes, oh so painfully.

He was rubbing your back soothingly, continuing to shush you quietly, rocking you back and forth gently.

Distantly, you noticed that he was bent over to accommodate your sitting position and that it must be hell on his back.

So, you tried to shift.

Neither of you let go of the other, as you both came to sit on the couch, either torso twisted to keep the other wrapped up.

Dan's head was resting against the side of your head, whispering to you and nuzzling your hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," you repeated, whimpering, over and over again in between sobs. "I didn't mean to. Didn't mean to!"

"Sssh, darling, it's alright, it's okay," Dan replied soothingly.

After a few long moments, your sobs turned into silent tears. You were trembling. Your breaths were erratic.

Reluctantly, you let go of Dan. He also released you, leaning back a little, but keeping one hand on your back and continuing to rub soothing circles into it with just the right amount of pressure to be felt but not be too much.

You could feel him looking at you, even though your head was lowered and you were looking at your lap. Biting the inside of your cheek and your bottom lip repeatedly, you tried to push down the tears that still threatened to spill.

  "Do you want to talk about it?" Dan asked gently after a couple of minutes.

You shook your head, not looking up.

You were wringing your hands, twisting your fingers, cracking your knuckles, trying to get rid of the guilt, the shame, the dread.

"Okay. Can I do anything for you?" He asked after a few more moments.

You thought about it. But you came up empty-handed.

"I don't know, sorry," you whispered brokenly.

Dan nodded and wrapped the arm, of which his hand was on your back, around you, squeezing your arm lightly.

You leaned into his side, resting your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes.

  After a couple of minutes, you lifted a trembling hand and grasped onto his shirt, balling a fist, holding on tight.

"I didn't mean for you to come home to me like this. I'm sorry," you rasped eventually.

"Y/N, it's okay. I promise. I wish I had been here earlier, though," he replied, kissing your hair.

You nuzzled his neck, kissing the little patch of skin you could reach.

"Thank you, Dan," you whispered.

He squeezed you in answer.

You were so exhausted then. Drained. It was already late anyway. Usually you wouldn't even have stayed up so late, but you had established a habit of waiting for Dan, whenever he went to his AA meetings.

You never knew when he would come home feeling raw and on the verge of a breakdown.

You never wanted to wake up again, in the middle of the night, to him screaming and smashing a bottle of liquor he had managed to resist just so.

He rested his chin on your head, when you cuddled into him a little bit more.

"Let's go to sleep then, hm? Do you think you can do that?" Dan asked.

You just nodded, peeling yourself from his side, immediately missing his warmth and soothing touch.

The two of you got up and got yourselves ready for bed in a comfortable silence.

You still felt raw and vulnerable, but at least you didn't feel like you were being suffocated anymore.

Dan tended to the wounds on your forearms, when you were both done with everything else. Fortunately, those wounds were the only open ones. Your face was streaked with red lines, but nothing was bloodied or open. Your thighs might bruise, though. Your scalp still burned a little, too.

Eventually, the two of you crawled under the covers of your bed, cuddling into each other. Your head laid on Dan's chest, rising and falling with his breaths; hearing his heart beat. It calmed you.

You're okay, y/n. I've got you. You can go to sleep. You're alright, I promise.

You could hear his voice in your head. He rarely did that. He didn't like using his shine on you; it felt like a violation to your privacy, he had told you.

A small smile stretched your lips.

You closed your eyes, sighing, and made yourself comfortable, nuzzling into his chest and kissing it through his soft cotton shirt.

After a couple of minutes - and most likely with the help of his shine - you fell asleep eventually, finally at peace and leaving this horrendous night behind yourself for the time being.

#x reader #x gender neutral reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #tw self harm #tw intrusive thoughts #tw alcoholism #tw dissociation #tw flashbacks #tw bpd episode #bpd episode #borderline personality disorder #dan torrance #dan torrance x reader #dan torrance x y/n #dan torrance x you #dan torrance imagine #ewan mcgregor x reader #ewan mcgregor fanfiction #ewan mcgregor imagine

[angelliev]

Lover Boy - JJ Maybank x OC - Part Eleven - Star-Crossed Lovers

Word Count: 5.6K

Summary: Just when Aria feels lost and helpless, JJ and the pogues come up with an adventurous rescue plan. 

Warnings: Smut, fighting, cursing, chaos, the pogues being batshit crazy, tennis balls and TAMMY!

A/N: Not much guys. Just hope ya’ll enjoy. I’m looking forward to posting part twelve, so just want to give you guys a heads up, I don’t know how long it will take me to post it, but I’ll make sure to write and post it as fast as I can! Sorry for any typos lol. (Not my GIF. Credits to the owner. I don’t own the show, characters or song in this fic.)

Lover Boy Series Masterlist

Romeo and Juliet were star-crossed lovers, whose story ended in tragedy. The two were born to hate each other, but instead they fell in love together. Complete opposites. No one would approve of their relationship. I feel like Romeo and Juliet’s love story is a parallel universe to JJ and I’s love story.

Every day that passed by of me not seeing JJ made my heart ache violently. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I felt guilty for not being able to call or text him, explaining why I haven’t talked to him in almost two weeks. I can’t even imagine what he must be thinking. His worst fear is me leaving him, and I can only hope that’s not what’s going through his head right now.

My father has gone officially crazy. He has taken away all of my electronics, won’t allow my friends to come over, and worst of all, he’s having Rafe escort me to school and back home. He makes sure I have no way of talking to my friends at school. I just want to scream to the top of my lungs every time I have to sit in the same car as him. I’m not even allowed to call my mom and tell her about this ridiculousness. She had to go on this retreat to Africa, to help doctors treat patients. She gets back tonight. I could really use one of comforting hugs and support on my love life.

I wake up like every other morning, with the same routine. Wake up, cry, shower, cry, get dressed, cry, eat breakfast, and oh yeah, cry some more. I stare daggers into my father’s back as he speaks with Rafe. Now, they’re best friends to the end, partners in crime. Mission? Ruin my fucking love life. Rafe approaches me with a bowl of cereal in his hands and a smug smile that’s been plastered on his face for these two weeks.

“You should eat something darling. You look a little pale.” He holds the spoon out in front of me. I scowl at him before knocking the bowl out of his hands, spilling the cereal and breaking the glass in the process. “Get fucked.” I spit. “Now Aria, that’s not very polite of you.” My father scolds me. “Neither are you two getting involved in my love life. Seriously, don’t you guys have anything else better to do?” They didn’t even bother to answer.

“Fucking jerk offs.” I mutter before walking out to the car. I don’t even bother to sit in the front seat. I’d rather jump out of the moving car than sit next to Rafe. “You can’t hate me forever you know?” He looks at me threw the review mirror. “I can and I intend to.” I avoid his gaze. “I only did this for your own good. JJ has nothing to give you. He could never provide for you.” The mention of his name made my eyes sadden. “He has already given me everything I have ever wanted.” “Oh yeah? Like what?” “Love, passion, admiration, respect, loyalty, happiness and confidence.” Rafe just scoffs at this. “Yeah, well tell me when any of that cane buy you anything.” It was my turn to scoff. “He could have nothing but the shirt off his back and I would still love him.”

“I could give you so much more Aria.” I burst out laughing. “You can’t buy my love Rafe. The only thing you can buy, is yourself a penis enlargement and a fucking pair.” I spit. His foot hits the break, launching my body into the seat. “What the fuck!” Before I could even look up at him, he grabs me by the face, squeezing my cheeks. “Listen here you fucking slut. I will not be disrespected by you. You better watch your fucking tone or else I’ll break you down till you’re on the verge of killing yourself.” His voice is laced with sadistic rage. I panic and grab pair of scissors, aiming the tip at his throat. His body tenses.

“If you ever raise a hand to me like that again, I will gauge your fucking eyes with these pair of fucking scissors.” I threatened him, furious by his actions. He reluctantly lets go of my face, and I lay back in my seat. Hostile silence takes over the rest of the way to school. I slammed my door shut, a little too hard, before marching onto campus. I hated how everyone seemed to admire Rafe Cameron, while I despised him with every fiber in my body. Even the teachers have taken a liking to him.

The whole day was a fucking drag, as Rafe eyed me down like a hawk, never giving me the chance to escape. The school day was coming near to an end, which I was excited for. My mom should be home not too long after I get out. The bell finally rings and all the students usher their way out of the classrooms cheering since Spring break has officially started. The halls were chaotic and crowded, resulting in Rafe having a hard time keeping up with me, giving me the perfect chance to run for it. He yells after me as I get lost in the crowd. I scan my surrounding looking for one of my friends whether that would be Kie, Sarah or Charis. I need one of them to tell JJ that I haven’t forgotten about him.

I find myself out front of the school where everyone seems to be socializing. I let out a frustrated sigh as I can’t seem to find any of my friends. Instead I find someone else. For a moment my heart stopped and my breath hitch when I saw a familiar mop of dirty blonde surfer boy hair and ocean blue eyes. There he stood, by the curb with his motorcycle parked. He then catches my eye; the sparks light up in his own and a smile goes across my face.

I don’t hesitate to move my feet, sprinting down the stairs and towards JJ, dropping my backpack along the way. My heart had beaten ten times faster and the butterflies in my stomach had erupted like a volcano. The wind blows through my hair and across my now lit up face. His arms open wide for me, all warm and welcoming, making me squeal. I jump onto him, legs wrapped around his hips and arms around his neck holding him tight and never letting him go. My peers stare at us with shock written all over their judgmental faces. His great big arms latch around me and he buries his face in the crook of my neck. I look up at him to gaze into his eyes for a moment, before our lips crashed together in a passionate, loving and heated kiss. Everyone around us gasps. I missed the feeling of his soft and comforting lips on mine. I missed his tongue caressing mine. I missed his body pressed up against mine. He’s like my own brand of nicotine. I could never get enough of him, always left insatiable, never wanting to stop. We pull away when our lungs are gasping for air.

“I love you.” He declared in front of everyone. “I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I fucking love you, and I missed you so much.” He rambled on. “I love you too. I’m so sorry JJ. Rafe told my dad about us and everything went to shit from there.” We never let go of each other, too afraid that we’ll lose each other once more. “Aria!” Speak of the devil. We turn to see Rafe marching his way towards us. JJ stands in between as Rafe approaches us.

“Back off pogue. Take your dirty ass bike and get the fuck off our side of the island.” Rafe gets in his face, a crowd of curious on lookers begins to form around us. JJ doesn’t budge, he holds his ground. Rafe grabs a hold my arm painfully. JJ doesn’t react well to this when he shoves him off of me. “I swear to god man, if you ever touch her against her will again, I’ll fucking kill you.” JJ has a hold of Rafe’s collar. “Get the fuck off me! A dirty ass pogue like you doesn’t deserve her. She was perfect till you showed up.” “She was already perfect!” JJ disagreed. “You’re right, I don’t deserve her but god damn it, I love her and I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt her.” I lace my fingers with JJ’s, touched by his declaration. “I’m giving you one last chance to man before I beat the shit out of you.” Rafe threatens, but JJ doesn’t care. “Let’s go babe.” JJ pulls my hand as the two of us are ready to hop on his bike, but I’m stopped when Rafe’s hand yanks my hair causing me to yelp out of pain. I scratch his hand which only seems to piss him off more, when he slapped me across the face, the stinging sensation caused painful tears to burn my eyes. Everyone gasped.

JJ wasted no time to spring into action, punching Rafe right in the face. His nose makes a nasty crunch sound before blood is spilled over his clothes. Before I know it, the two boys are having a full-on brawl and the students are chanting “Fight! Fight! Fight!”. Both boys get a few hits in there, that was until JJ is shoved to the ground and Rafe jumps on top of him. I act fast, grabbing my bag before smacking him in the face with it and knocking him over off of JJ, who quickly gets back up. I grab his hand and try to lead him away from the crowd, but we’re stopped by the campus security. The crowd began to disperse as the three of us are restrained.

Rafe had attempted to attack JJ again, but he didn’t get far, due to the security guard grabbing a hold of them again. The three of us are taken into the office, all of us are sitting outside the office as the principal takes our statements along with the police that the school called. The JJ and I sat next to each other, Rafe had to sit somewhere else, while we waited for our parents. That’s when Officer Peterkin walked to the two of us. She looks at JJ. “I called your father. He didn’t pick up son. Is there anyone else we can call?” She asked, her voice gentle and sympathetic, like she knew this was a soft spot for JJ.

“Nah, it’s fine really.” He shrugs. I take his rough bruised hand in mine. Officer Peterkin notices this, and just smiles before saying, “I remember when love made me do crazy things. Got me into all sorts of trouble, but in the end, it was all worth it. Just do yourselves a favor and lay low. Don’t add more fuel to the fire, and I’ll get you two lovebirds out of this.” She says quietly. After Officer Peterkin leaves to speak with Ward Cameron, I see my father bursts through the doors.

“What the hell happened?” My dad questions the principal. “Based on the security footage, Rafe Cameron, yanked Aria by the hair and slapped her across the face. JJ here stepped in and punched Rafe, and that’s when everything went downhill.” Explained the principal. “Is my daughter in trouble?” My father pinches his nose. “No sir, she was the one who was assaulted.” “Then it’s settled. Come on Aria we’re leaving.” My father demands, but I stand my ground. “No, I’m staying here with JJ.” I squeezed his hand tighter. “I don’t have time for your bullshit Aria! Let’s go now!” He yells, gaining everyone’s attention. I sighed and pecked JJ’s lips before my father ripped me out of the chair and office. He opens the cars door, before throwing me into the passenger seat and slamming the door, only inches away from my face.

To say the drive home was awkward is an understatement. The tension ate away at me, as my dad said nothing. He just sat there and fumed, his face was beating red as sweat dripped down his face. We pull into the driveway where I see my mother’s car. Just seeing it made me want to cry. I didn’t hesitate to jump out of the car and run into the house, ignoring my dad’s yelling. I didn’t even reach the stairs when I see my mom pop out of the corner. “Oh my god, honey your face!” She gasped as she examined my cheek. “I swear to god if I ever see Rafe again, I’m going to rip his bloody spine out and shove it up his ass!” My mother’s words surprised me. She is one of the most kind and gentle people I know, so for her to say such graphic things actually scared me. “I’m fine mom really it’s just a slap. When did you get back?” “About five minutes ago. The school left a voicemail.” The front door slams shut, and my father marches towards me. I can tell he’s about to yell, but my mom stops him.

“Don’t even start. She’s already had a rough day.” My mom shuts him up. “I don’t care if she had a rough day! She disobeyed me and saw him!” “See who?” My mom asked confused. She still didn’t know? I thought my father would have already told her by now. “JJ Maybank! She’s been fooling around with him ever since we moved here. I told her she was forbidden to see him, but she clearly doesn’t give two shits about what I have to say.” He glared daggers at me. My mom was just in shock. “JJ Maybank? I remember him. He delivers groceries to us and has mowed our lawn. He’s a good kid what’s the problem?” A part of me wanted to smile at her approval. This did not please my dad however. “I need to shower. Excuse me.” I walk up the stairs, not wanting to be a part of this conversation. My dad tries to follow me, but my mom grabs his arm. “Don’t you even dare. Leave her be Claude. Let’s talk about this in the kitchen.” She drags him off as I slam my bedroom door shut.

I waste no time to jump into my shower to wash away my sweat and gunk. A hug weight has been lifted off of my shoulders to hear my mom defend me. She barely even knows him, yet she is willing to give him a chance. I wrap myself in a towel and pace around my room for a while, having no idea what to do. Do I go downstairs to talk to my parents or do I take the chance run out the door and see JJ? I just sigh out of frustration when my body collapsed on my bed, damp hair wetting my pillow. I missed his touch. I missed the way he wrapped his arms around me today and kissed me so passionately. I had gone weeks without him. I just want him ravish me. Fuck me till sunrise. My fingers mindlessly find the lips of my flower. I began to run my finger up and down the slit. I hear my parents yelling downstairs, so I put on a playlist JJ had made for me a while back, and turn the volume all the way up to drown out the noise. It’s one of his favorite rock & roll songs. He loves to fuck me to this kind of music in the background.

I insert my fingers once the music begins to pick up pace, keeping up with it. As I ram my fingers in and out of me, chasing a high that was impossible to reach, I thought of JJ. All the dirty thoughts of him began to flood my mind. I think about the way his eyes always seem to turn a shade darker. I think about the sound of his moans and groans when I clench around him. I think about how the headboard never fails to hit wall while he fucks me hard into the bed. I think about the way he leaves love bites all over my body. “JJ…” His name slips pass my lips. The mere thought of him was the only thing getting me off right now.

“Aria…” My heart practically stops when I hear my name. I search the room for the owner of the voice. “Over here babygirl.” I whip my head around to see JJ outside my window. My heart skips a beat when I set my eyes on him. I quickly let him in before shutting the window. It just occurred to me that he just caught me masturbating to the thought of him. He probably heard me moaning his name. “Sounds like someone missed me.” His cocky smirk was plastered on his lips. I blush out of embarrassment. “You’re such a creeper.” I didn’t even bother to ask him what he was doing here, I’m just glad he’s here, that’s all that matters. Even if I’m standing in the middle of my room in nothing but a towel. I shouldn’t be embarrassed, after all we’ve done worst.

“Don’t worry babygirl. I thought it was super-hot.” He grabs my waist before pulling me against him, attacking my lips in a heated lustful kiss. His tongue immediately fights for dominance and I gladly submit to him. I was willing to let him do whatever he wanted to me. I threw his hat off, letting his gorgeous hair fall. My towel lets go of my body and pool round my feet, leaving completely exposed in front of him. His hungry predator eyes take in every inch of my body. He groans at the sight of me naked in front of him, while he’s still fully clothed, the bulge in his pants visible. “Looks like you missed me too.” I let my fingers graze his clothed bulge. “What can I say, you gave me one hell of a show. Did you cum?” He asked as my hands trace up his arms. “No.” I whimper, desperate for a release. “Lay on the bed babygirl.” He orders. I don’t hesitate to lay back, legs hanging off the end, as he kneels in front of me, placing my legs over his shoulders. “Daddy’s gonna make it all better. I’ll make you feel so good. I’m gonna make up for all those days you went without my touch.” He kisses my inner thighs.

I let out a quiet whimper when I feel his hot breath fan my aching pussy. My whole body shakes with anticipation. “Please, do something. Make me cum.” I beg. He just smirks, before his lips attach to my flower, making me mewl. His tongue runs up and down my slit, before diving into my hot dripping core, his tongue massaging my insides. My fingers caress his hair, occasionally tugging it. He then uses his fingers to rub figure eights on my sensitive clit. I pull on his hair, making him groan, sending vibrations to my pussy. I bite down on lip, trying to contain my moans. “Fuck, baby I’m gonna,” I don’t get to finish my sentence before the familiar wave of euphoria comes crashing down on me. Tears roll down my cheeks, relieved that I finally reached the impossible high I was looking for.

He throws his clothes across the room, leaving him completely naked in front of me, fully erect. I sit up and reach for his member, but he just grabs my wrist. “Not tonight babygirl. I want to make you feel good. You deserve it babygirl. Just lay down and let me do all the work.” He says before pushing me down on the bed, and widening my legs. He uses his hand to pump himself a few times before lining himself up at my entrance. Sighs of relief leave the both of us when pushes himself inside me bottoming out. His eyes roll to the back his head as lets out a quiet moan. He took a few seconds to let me adjust to him, due to the fact we hadn’t had sex in a couple weeks. “Don’t be gentle.” I whisper.

He doesn’t hesitate to pull out leaving just the tip in, before diving back in with such powerful force. Our quiet moans begin to the fill the room, hoping we wouldn’t be heard with the music playing in the background. He quickly removes my legs from his shoulders to change positions, once he noticed the headboard was starting to hit the wall. This time he pulls me into his lap before thrusting upwards back into me, continuing to fuck me in lotus position. Our bodies are fully pressed up against each other. His pelvis rub against my clit.

His lips attach to my neck, biting down softly as I let my finger nails lightly scratch his back, causing him to groan and curse. “Fuck, you keep doing that, then I ain’t gonna last long.” He said through raspy breaths, a moan bubbling in his throat. “Oh, I know.” I giggle. He just smirks before kissing my lips. “God, I missed this. Your hot wet pussy around my cock. Fuck babygirl, I think I'm in heaven. I’m so close.” His thrusts become more erratic. “That's right baby, cum inside me.” I encourage him as he fills me up with hot steaming cum, my walls clamping down around him. He kisses me to muffle out both our moans, as we both ride out our highs, before collapsing on the bed breathless.

His body goes limp on top of me. “JJ, you're crushing me.” I begin to feel claustrophobic. He quickly pulls out, warm cum gushes out of me, and rolls off me. I snuggle into his warmth, our legs entangle together  as he covers our naked bodies with the blanket. We lay there for a bit in silence, before I giggle. His face is covered with goofy smile as he watches me giggle uncontrollably.

“What the hell is so funny?” He asked puzzled. “No, you’ll laugh at me.” I refuse to answer his question. “I won’t. Just tell me.” He promises. I sigh, looking up at him. “You know those big cannons you find at circuses that shoot confetti?” He just quirks his eyebrow. “Uh, yeah?” “Well, it started to make me think. Penises are a lot like cannons, but instead of shooting confetti, it shoots sperm.” JJ starts balling out laughing, I had to shush him. “You promised not to laugh!” I whisper shouted. “I'm sorry, but that shit is just so weird and funny.” His face turns pink from laughing so hard. “You're such a weirdo. You know that?” He asked. “Yeah, but I’m your weirdo.” He just chuckles. “That you are indeed.” He kisses me so soft and lovingly, pulling me closer to him. We lay there for a little bit, just indulging in each other’s presence, until it was time for him to leave.

I jump out of bed and open my closet, pulling out on of many JJ’s sweatshirts. “You sneaky little shit. I’ve been wondering where all of my clothes went.” He motions to the stash of his clothes in my closest. “But they're so warm and smell like you.” I say innocently as I tie my hair up into a ponytail with his bandana. “You're lucky you're adorable.” He mutters under his breath as he puts his clothes back on. He walks back to the window. 

“I don’t want you to leave.” I mumble softly, hating to see him leave. “I know, we’ll figure out something. You and I will be back together soon. I promise babygirl.” He kisses me passionately as his legs dangle out the window. This all reminded me of the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet. He reluctantly pulls away. “I love you Aria.” “I love you too JJ.” I whisper. And like Romeo, he disappeared.

Next Day...

I haven't slept so good since last night. I guess JJ fucking my brains out had refreshened me, which is exactly what I needed. I put on a nice sundress for today’s event, a charity event at the club. My father had insisted that I make a appearance, while my mom argued that it was wrong to parade me around like everything was alright when it indeed wasn’t. To her surprise I said yes. I’m hoping to see Charis, Kiara or Sarah. It’s been a while since I was able to talk to them. 

“You look gorgeous sweetheart.” My mom's voice snaps me out of my daze. “It’s a good color on you.” She referenced to the white sundress. I smile, not at the compliment, but at the memory this gave me. It’s the same dress I wore the night I lost my virginity to JJ. “Thanks mom.” I mumble. She looks at me sad eyes. 

“Do you love him?” My mom asked, looking into my eyes through the mirror. “Yes, I love him so much. Words can't describe how he makes me feel mom.” My voice shakes. “How does he make you feel?” She asked once more. “He makes me feel so special. He always knows how to boost my confidence. He treats me like I’m the only girl in this world. He kisses me with so much love and passion. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love him.” I confess. “Then don’t give him up.” Her words surprise me. “What?” “If you love him that much, and he makes you feel like that everyday, he’s worth it. You should be with someone you love. Trust me, the last thing I want for you is to end up in a loveless marriage.” My stomach fills with guilt. “I’m sorry mom.” My voice is soft. “For what?” She asked confused. “I just can't help but feel like I'm always causing you and dad to fight. Like I'm ripping your marriage apart.” My voice shakes. 

“Hey, look at me.” She takes my face in her hands. “You are not ripping our marriage apart sweetheart. Your dad and I have been unhappy for years. This has nothing to do with you.” She reassured me. “Are you and dad getting a divorce?” I asked timidly. She just sighs. “I’ve been thinking about it. He’s just not the man he used to be. I’ve been wanting to leave him for years, but I was afraid it would hurt you and your siblings.” She’s not able to look me in the eyes. “Mom, you shouldn’t have to put up with him. You deserve someone better. I know it’s messed up to say that about my dad, but you deserve to be happy. Plus, it’s my senior year. I’ll be graduating in a few months, so I won’t even be living with him. If you think splitting up with dad is the best solution, then I won't stop you, and neither will Damian or Jennifer.”  I hold her hands. She just smiles at me. “Thank you sweetheart. I mean it. Now, let’s go. I want to hear more about this JJ fellow.” She wiggles her eyebrows making me laugh. 

The charity event seemed to go smoothly, but I sat there at the table bored out of my mind, as my parents socialized with the Donahues, that was until Charis sat next to me.  I then see Ward and Rose Cameron approach the table. Fuck. 

“Hello Oscar and Ingrid. Mind if we speak with Mr. and Mrs. Prescott?” Ward asked sounding formal. “Of course. I need to attend to some matter anyways. Charis?” Ingrid calls for her, much to her dismay. I tap my leg under the table as the couple sit down. 

“Aria, we wanted to apologize on behalf of our son’s behavior. He had no right to hit you like that, and for that we are sorry.” Ward speaks. I just sit there awkwardly not wanting to say. “Aria, don’t you have something to say?” Claude pressed. I huff. “Thank you for coming here to apologize for your son, but that doesn’t change what he did to me or my sister.”  My father glares at me. “No, it doesn’t, and we have made it very clear to Rafe won’t be held in our household.” Ward agrees. 

“We were hoping that you guys would be dropping the charges against him.” Rose says. This seemed to irk my mom. “That won’t be happening.” She says. “Elaine.” Claude says her name annoyed. “Your son needs to be held accountable for his violent actions against my daughter.” My mom stood her ground. “Perhaps we can work out a little ‘arrangement’.” Ward suggested. “No. I will not tolerate your son. I don’t want him anywhere near my home or Aria. If he ignores my wishes, I will make sure to place a restraining order against him. Do I make myself clear?” Asked Elaine. Ward’s jaw clenches. 

“Crystal.” Him and Rose leave the table. My father glares at mom. “Do you have any idea what you've done?” He asked angrily. “I just defended our daughter, who you clearly don’t care about.” Elaine spat. Claude turns to me. “None of this would've happened if you just stayed away from that dirty lowlife pogue.” “Don’t even start.” Elaine stops him. The Donahues take their seats back at the table. Things seemed to go normal from there, just the same boring talk, until Charis excused herself to the bathroom, and blew me a kiss, confusing me.

“More water for ya’ll?” I look up to see John B in a tight ass waiters outfit, hair in pigtails, with the name tag ‘Tammy’. Fight me. I almost choked on my spit. I then look down at the waiter's trolley to see JJ hiding under the cloth. My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. What the hell are they up to? JJ hands me a note, sends me wink and returns to hiding. I look down to read the note.

“Run when hell breaks loose.” What the fuck? ‘Tammy’ strolls away with the cart. I sit there waiting anxiously for the signal. I couldn't help but wonder where the hell Sarah and Charis were. My question was answered when I heard a fork clinking against a glass, by Charis, gaining everyone's attention. 

“I’d like to make a toast!” Oh god. “To all the amazing people here today. This is truly amazing ya’ll. Give yourselves a round of applause!” Everyone smiles and applauds, much to my confusion. All of the sudden, a tennis ball shoots across the room, landing in my dad’s bowl splashing soup everywhere, startling everyone. We didn’t even have the chance to say anything, before we heard little paws run on the tiled floor. Everyone turns to see what was causing the commotion. That’s when we say a full-grown Great Dane, running towards our table. Before we knew it, the handsome Great Dane jumps onto our table for the ball, making a huge mess. 

I don’t think twice before I take off running towards JJ, who’s standing across the room. Everyone's eyes were on me now, as I jump into his arms smiling, ignoring my father’s yells. “Whoo! Let's go babygirl!” Everyone gasped when JJ pecked my lips. JJ then whistles, catching the Great Dane’s attention. “C’mere boy!” The dog runs after us with full speed. My father follows shortly behind us, along with security.

JJ leads us outside to the entrance, where we see two cars parked, the van and  Charis’s car, who opens the door letting the dog hop in. The side door of the van opens next, revealing a smiling Kiara and Sarah in the back, the John B and Pope in the front. “Get in bitches!” Sarah hollers. JJ and I dive into the van. “I owe you one Charis!” JJ yells. “Don’t mention it! Have fun!” She yells back before speeding off. “Hit it!” Sarah yells at John B, who punches the gas, launching us all backwards. 

My father was following very close, trying to keep up with us. “Get the hell out of that fucking van!” He yells to me. “Don’t worry sir! I’ll take great care of her! I promise!” JJ yells before closing the door. We all cheer as we gain distance. “Welcome back to the crew Pogue!” John B yells. “Whoo! Pogue Style babygirl!” JJ yells before pulling me into a kiss, earning groans from the pogues. “Ew! Save it for the room guys!” Pope yells. “Wait, where are we going?” I asked. Everyone just shares a look before Kie speaks, “Well, it’s a good thing we packed your bags, cause we’re going to Miami!” She cheers. “Holy shit! Are you guys serious?!” I asked astonished. “Fuck yeah we are!” JJ shouts. “Miami here we come!” Sarah shouts to the rooftop, as John B turns up the radio.

We sing along to the song ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’ by Tear for Fears.  JJ opens up the side door, grabs a hold of the handle and sticks his body out catching the wind, screaming the lyrics. The boys up front roll down their windows. We all let loose and sing the chorus together. “All for freedom and for pleasure! Nothing ever lasts forever! Everybody wants to rule the world!” Our screams can be heard throughout the outer banks. I’m excited to see where this Spring Break leads us. I know it’ll be amazing and unforgettable, because I’m surround by this spectacular family and amazing lover. They’re my greatest adventure.

#jj maybank smut #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank fic #obx netflix #obx fanfiction #lana del rey #everybody wants to rule the world

[olyollyoxenfree]

The students I tutor are a riot sometimes:

1st period, 8th grade:

One of my kids shared something that scared/scares her. To me, it was a very random source of fear, so I laughed, and then I apologized for laughing; the way she explained it (she's very dramatic and expressive) and her anecdote made me laugh.

2nd period, 7th grade:

Couldn't hear the whole story, but one of the kids LITERALLY scared the crap out of his dog.

3rd period, 6th grade:

It started: a student in my group presented a word problem that involved milk and cereal. The steps for the problem were: "1) Subtract the coupon from cereal. 2) Add cereal and milk."

The second step led to a brief discussion in the class about what cereals and breakfast foods people in the class ate, and the order of which food item, milk or cereal, should be poured first; the teacher concluded the conversation with "Too much milk makes Life [cereal] soggy". My two cents, kept to myself: milk in general makes life (not the cereal) soggy.

Today, the student who sat to my right identified as Peppa. Last week, I had a discussion with her where she intentionally used the incorrect plural forms of certain words ("deese" for dogs, "boxen" for boxen). I asked her at the beginning of the class period if she'd pet any deese lately; she said she hadn't, but she did pet some cows.

2 students in my group were left who hadn't presented, so I said, "Which viable candidate are we offering up for human sacrifice?"

'Peppa' responded, "Peppa is not up for sacrifice," and pointed to the other student.

I told her, "You're up; law of the land: If you volunteer someone else, that means you have to go." She tried to protest, but begrudgingly slinked out of her desk-chair lol.

In the last 5 minutes before class let out, 6 students got involved in a loud debate as to whether or not there was difference between a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle run and a Naruto run, which included a demonstration of both, and an additional Airplane run. Had to yell out for them to quiet down (they were right in my ear) and get back on task. I didn't get a good look at the demonstration, as the girl demonstrating did so behind me, so I asked to see it one more time, and the student gladly obliged.

THE CROWN GEM WAS IN THE LAST 3 MINUTES, before we tutors left:

One of my group's kids (Cereal and Milk Problem) started a small Mickey Mouse Clubhouse cult: my group and an adjacent group (10 students or so in total) recited "Misca, Musca, Mickey Mouse!" Hot Pockets the Cereal Killer, who started the chant session, tried to remember how the "Hot Dog Dance" song went, mumbling/humming a couple of lines to himself.

I WAS DOUBLING OVER AND TRYING so hard NOT TO FALL FROM LAUGHING FROM MY DESK-CHAIR ONTO THE FLOOR.

When we left the room, my lip was quivering while I bit down on it. Stifled laughs were escaping, I was so close to cackling. (I probably sounded like I was sneezing, because apparently that's what I sound like when I'm trying not to laugh.)

I was ON THE VERGE OF TEARS as I tried to explain to the two other tutors what was so funny. But talking through laughs/cackles is HARD.

I was holding my stomach and wheezing. Every time I opened my mouth to talk, I leaned forward and curled up into myself a bit more!! If I'd have tried to explain the whole thing to them in one gulp of air, I'd have ROLLED down the hall in a fit of laughter!

I love my kids

#olyollyoxenspeaks #Oly IRL #tales of a tutor

[puckmatthews]

Goodbye - (a.m. imagine)

A/N: This is my first ever imagine/writing outside the classroom experience so pls be nice lol. All jokes aside pls let me know what you think and if you want a part 2 or not whatever you like. ps: I just started watching hockey so yeah. I kinda made up the whole game scenerio so yes idk

word count: 1,751

warning: cheating, heartbreak, couple swear words?

part 2

You were never a really big fan of crowds or being the center of attention. Just the way it was and would continue to be. You worked on it of course, took speech in college and had plenty of practice speaking in front of the class. It helped a bit when speaking with crowds but that didn’t change the fact that crowds still scared you. Everyday civilians like yourself weren’t accustomed to being followed and then pushed around and asked a hundred different questions a second. You should’ve known this would happened yet you were foolish enough to hope a mob wasn’t already waiting for your arrival. Auston really had done a number on this.

“Is it true?” “What can you say about the matter?” “Are you taking him back?” “Do you have any comments” “Are the pictures real or are you also going with them being Photoshop?” To say you were overwhelmed was the understatement of the century. Gosh, you really wish you were a more controversial person and didn’t freak over sticking up for yourself. Now you weren’t sure if you wanted to cry from the rumors you knew were about to be confirmed or over the vultures trying to pry answers from you. Halfway through trying, keyword trying, to reach the front door you felt an arm grab you. You were about to push them off when you noticed it was Mitch. You had never been more grateful and soon enough were been pulled through the crowd. The comments kept on coming and you just wanted to scream. Luckily Mitch wasn’t taking any of their noisy questions. “No comment. Now please leave her alone.” Once you stepped into the lobby you let out a deep breath. Your heart felt like it was about to shatter and you knew you were on the verge on tears. You refused to let them fall and much less for him. You knew he wasn’t worth it but god did it hurt. It hurt so damn much. It was getting hard to breath and just the thought that a couple floors above you there he was, probably without a care in the world, was making you contemplate running back out and taking a chance with the vultures. “Breath, it’s okay.” Mitch said grabbing your shoulders and looking into your eyes. You nodded and attempted to get some air into you lungs. Gosh, you hated this. The feeling of hopelessness. You hated this feeling. Your body shaking but there’s nothing to do but face it head on. That’s what your speech professor said anyway. Big girl panties, put on your big girl panties. You can do this, totally, no problem. You chanted to yourself. Looking up at Mitch you nodded ready to face the end. You hoped it was false. That somehow those pictures of your boyfriend in a heavy make out session that looked like it was leading somewhere else soon were Photoshop. Or it even a look-a-like but it was too damn hard to believe that. You really hoped that the past year you had spent with the most amazing guy wasn’t about to be shatter and come to an end. “Thanks for saving my ass out there by the way. I felt like I was going to go insane.” You whispered to Mitch as you ascended towards the 6th floor towards Auston’s room. “No worries. Sorry I couldn’t be there sooner.” He replied. “It’s okay. I’m not your responsibility. You didn’t have to but I appreciate it. Everything you’ve done. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.” “Y/n-” “Don’t. Please don’t, Mitchy.” The bell rung signaling the arrival and the doors opened. Stepping into the hallway felt like you were carrying an extra twenty pounds on each foot. Mitch led you towards the end of the hall and the second to last door on the left. He knocked twice before opening it. You saw Auston stand from the couch as you followed Mitch in. You sucked in a breath. Even with stubble and his hair disheveled with wrinkles all over his shirt he couldn’t look more attractive. This was bad. You were supposed to hate him. You needed to hate him. “Hey” you said. You couldn’t help the small smile that covered your face. “Babe..” Auston walked towards you. “Thank you so much for coming.” You nodded and walked around him sitting on the couch across from where he was sitting just seconds before. “We should talk.” “I’ll be on the other room if you guys need anything.” Mitch said as he walked out the room. You needed answers. The same shrivel of hope you had left needed it. For your own well-being. “Are they real?” You asked. Auston ran his hands through his hair and then down his face. “It’s not like that.” “Just answer the question Aus. Please.” “Yes.” That word. That dumb three letter word destroyed you. “But it wasn’t that simple y/n, please.” You tried to hide in your sob but failed. And soon Auston rushed to you. “It was a mistake she meant nothing. I swear to you that it was nothing. You’re it, babe.” Shaking your head at his response you took a second to adsorb it all. “When?” “Y/n, we don’t have to do this.” He was looking at you with those eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes that you adored so much. Letting out a sigh, he replied, “Couple weeks ago. Maybe a month or so ago. I don’t know.” Doing some mental math you thought back to a month ago. “You had a playoff game that month. You ended up losing. I remember. You were so sad and angry, kept telling me that it was your fault that you lost. We didn’t talk long that night, you said you were going to have a couple drinks with the boys.” Grabbing drinks with the guys after games with the guys wasn’t unusual for Auston. You often felt bad that you couldn’t be there cheering him on due to you living in another country but that game you had felt terrible. You knew how badly the team wanted that win. You had even requested a couple days off from work and had saved any extra money in order to buy a ticket. Sadly life had other plans and you were unable to make it. That didn’t stop you from watching it from the comfort of you living room. When the buzzer sounded and the Leafs had only scored 2 to the Jet’s 3 goals you were heartbroken. You could’ve only imagined how Auston felt. “I was so angry for myself and I wanted to feel something else. Anything to get rid of the anger inside. The guys didn’t get it. They were sad yeah but I could have scored that last goal. We could have gone to overtime if I hadn’t missed that shot. We could have had a chance.” Auston continued on looking away from you and towards the other end of the room. “She was there and I had a couple drinks. I’m not trying to make excuses but you wouldn’t understand the pressure i’m constantly under. And I missed you and you weren’t here and I … i’m sorry” You were astounded. Your sadness soon faded to anger. “How dare you blame me? You think it’s easy for me? You think I enjoyed living miles away from you? Knowing thousands of girls want to fuck you? How much prettier they are? How they have more in common with you that I do? I have pressure as well Auston! I may not have thousands of fans watching me play hockey but I am well damn struggling. I work WEEKS to make what you probably make in an hour. I have to study my ass off in order to get my degree and better myself. So don’t you EVER make me seem LIKE I AM GUILTY FOR A DECISION YOU MADE! For throwing what we had away like it meant nothing!” You couldn’t help yourself. You were livid. Getting up from your place in the couch you began pacing. “Is make-out all you did?” “No.” “Oh my god.” You didn’t know if you could have felt any worse until that moment. You felt sick and rushed to restroom. Closing the door behind you, you knelt over the toilet but nothing came out. Getting up you face the reflection in front of you. You were a mess and you didn’t want anything more than for this to be a dream. You obviously weren’t waking up anytime soon so tears were the second best thing. But what you were not doing here was crying. Auston didn’t deserve to see the tears he caused. Back in the living area Auston was sitting with his head down. He knew how fucked this was. Hearing you step out he looked up, eyes red. “I am so sorry.” He apologized. “I never wanted to hurt you but it’s so hard. I get so frustrated baby.” “No one said it was easy.” You needed to get out. “You hurt me and what hurts the most is that you KNEW how much of a big deal cheating is in my life. I told you how it nearly broke my family apart and the fact that you didn’t feel the need to tell me about it. That I needed to see pictures from gossip magazines to get you to text me that “hey maybe we need to talk?” What the fuck was that Auston?? Maybe we could have worked it out if you had told me sooner. That you regretted it. Maybe I wouldn’t have but now we’ll never know will we? The fact that you didn’t….The person I trusted most wasn’t the one to warn me. To even give me a heads up. That you wouldn’t have mentioned it..The fact you did it in the first place.“ You shook your head again. The tears fast approaching as your anger faded. “Goodbye, Aus.” Mitch walked out, having heard your discussion, ready to walk you outside. “You need a ride as well?” “Yes, please. I would really appreciate it Mitch.” “Y/n..” Auston whispered. You couldn’t it bare to hear him, much less look at him. Keeping your back to him you took a breath and walked out.

Up in room 216 on the 6th floor, a call was made. “Hello? Everything okay Auston? Shouldn’t you be asleep?” “Mom, I messed up.” “Oh, honey”

#this might suck #it most likely sucks but you should give it a read #nhl imagine #auston matthews imagine #auston matthews fanfic #auston matthews x reader #ft. mitch marner #auston matthews imagines #toronto maple leafs writing

[mikumanogi-blog]

20217-03-29 “When you wish upon a star” Kubo Shiori Blog #9

At night I slept with the curtain open about 10 centimeters, when I woke up I was able tell from the amount of light how long I slept. When you wake up to twinkling lights you know that day is going to be a good day.

Hello everyone, thank you for your continuous hard work. I’m Kubo Shiori, it’s a pleasure to meet you!

My make up is different from the usual!! It has a little bit of a mature feel to it～

Well, it’s been a while since I wrote last! Today’s blog is going to be long but please come with me on this journey (´･_･`)

Nogizaka46’s 17th single is now on sale! I wonder if you’ve watched my individual PV yet…? Here’s something I’m only going to tell to those that watched it “First off, let’s pretend to film it like it was practice” and so after the briefing sessions for my ‘Principle’ practice was over we shot it in the same outfit.

Yes, just like that that’s what we used.  I was shocked, but even being able to use my stage outfit for the shoot made me happy!!! Thank you so much Koroyasu Yusuke. Please check out everyone else’s PVs too!! They have singing, acting, blushing.

 I’m going to talk about something that’s been bothering me recently. I love yogurt and if I don’t have any in the fridge I can’t settle down. Lately, I have been enjoying crushed soybeans with my yogurt. Everyone please give it a try!!! I can’t hold back my appetite~

 After that, watching sports has become a part of my daily routine. Watching Koshien (Japanese high school baseball championship), watching soccer, it’s so cool watching people do their best. I believe I also need to do my best. The more I watch the braver I become.

 Oh yeah! Speaking of which I took a two person selfie!!! Here you go!

Ayatii and me!

Because Ayatii was sleeping I took the picture, I’m really happy with the way it turned out. Ayatii looks adorable here.

 Moving on to today’s Q&A !!!

·         What is something you do every day without fail?

Everyday, without fail, I eat delicious food and read magazines. More recently I’ve doing things using a pen and paper.

 ·         What sport do you watch the most?

Honestly, I watch a bit of everything! During the Olympics I watch almost all of it!! But the sports I watch the most are probably baseball, soccer and volleyball. By the way, I’m an expert at watching all sports.

 ·         What’s something you want to do in the spring?

I want to walk along the riverbank, while enjoying the cherry blossoms. I want to feel spring through the music I listen too. Does anyone have any recommendations for spring songs? I suddenly want to listen to ‘Harujion ga sakukoro’, it’s the embodiment of spring.

Today is Fukagawa Mai’s birthday. Happy birthday!! One of the unforgettable moments I had at the 5th Year Anniversary Birthday Live was being able to sing ‘tsuyogaru tsubomi’ and ‘Harujion ga sakukoro’.

 ·         If your mind goes blank during a handshake, do you have a set phrase prepared?

Hmm~…(´･_･`)。。。

How about…do you want to rock, paper, scissors? If I win you need to come again, If I lose, we keep doing it till I win, if it’s a draw then let’s discuss what to do! In other words…something along those lines

(´･_･`) (I apologize for sounding condescending)

I’m going to end the Q&A here for this blog! As always…I’m a little bit sorry…

 The other day I had the opportunity to observe the Tokyo Girl’s Collection. The Nogizaka senior members and all the models were shining so brightly upon that stage. I thought to myself, I want to be like that one day… and in order for me to be like that I need to have an extraordinary work ethic. From that day onward I started working on various things. I keep chanting to myself “If you say it’s impossible it will be, but if you don’t then what is possible is defined by you.”

 Next, on the previous blog I wrote about the fact that I had a ‘enjoyable photoshoot’ and so I’ll talk about that here and now. Other than the time I was picked for the special award during the final audition my first solo gravure photoshoot was for Young Jump. Thank you very much. I am truly overjoyed…I faced this photoshoot knowing that I couldn’t let this chance go to waste and after seeing the final product I was on the verge of tears. I’m delighted, I really hope that everyone can see it. There are shot of me with my casual facial expressions, having fun and even a mature version of me.  I want to show off to everyone the different aspects of myself.

After we finished the shoot the cameraman, the hairstylist, the make up artist, the manager, the staff and everybody else said “That was really good!!!” It made me delighted to hear everyone involved say things like that. Only a little bit more and I’ll start to like photoshoots. I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts and opinions about the shoot so please check it out!

One thing that has annoyed me was the burn that I talked about in a previous blog. Truthfully speaking, I am a deplorable person for not being able to attend photoshoots in my best possible condition, even though I knew I needed to. (My burn has healed now though!) I am very grateful to have been given an opportunity to do this photoshoot.

 I’ll upload some behind the scenes pictures on my next blog! Hurry up and be tomorrow already! It would be great if everyone picked up a copy. Even though I’ve grown just a teensy bit please continue to watch over me. One more time…Please keep an eye on me!!!! I’ll be in your care!

 I have some announcements to make.

(currently on sale)

3.15 EX Taishu (EX大衆2017年4月号)

3.21 Overture san

3.24 B.L.T san (B.L.T 2017年5月号乃木坂版)

3.27 weekly playboy san

 (Coming soon)

3.30 Weekly young jump (通巻1819号)

-> It’s a solo photo shoot! Comes out tomorrow! Center gravure.

3.31 BUBKA san (ブブカ2017年5月号)

4.8 UTB+san (2017年5月号 UTB+ 37)

4.10 Marquee san (MARQUEE Vol. 120)

4.21 Flash Special san (Flash スペシャルグラビア BEST GW号 2017年5月 30日号)

4.22 Brody san (ブロディ　2017年6月号)

I’ll be in your care.

 I am so grateful for being able to be in so many magazines. (´･_･`)

To be able to give everyone more content I’m going to hang in there are do my very best, I’ll work so hard that the words ‘do your best’ won’t even be able to express how hard I’m working.

Floooofffyyyyy〜

This picture is in my usual clothes. I don’t have a lot of clothes and so I mix and match however at the handshake events I’ll be wearing my normal clothes, I’m excited but also nervous (´･_･`) I should answer everyone’s clothing requestions, so please send me more requests!!

 That’s right! The handshake event isn’t far off now 〜

April first is the National handshake event in Osaka. I’ll be waiting in lane number 21. I’ll be paired with Mukai Hazuki! I dare say this is going to be a fun lane 〜!! I’m really looking forward to it! Everyone let’s have fun!

 Speaking of the handshake event, you’re welcome to leave comments in the comments section like “My name is ___ I’ll be going on ___date during ___time slot!” I’ll be in your care (´･_･`)

 In the previous blog I received a lot of comments, thank you very much. While reading the comments I noticed that somebody wrote “Because this is only one blog out of dozen I don’t know what to write in the comments!” Reading this comment made me happy and I thought to myself “I’m in the same boat as everyone else”. On top of that for this one blog I think very hard about what’s enjoyable and what I want to tell everyone. I’m honestly overjoyed, thank very much.

Another comment I saw was “I’m sorry for the late comment”. Please don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem, I’m thankful that you wrote to me.  (´･_･`) I read all of the comments. I also receive comments saying things like “I just finished my shift” Thank you so much for commenting on my blog while being so tired from work. (´･_･`)

There have also been comments where people have said “I’m sorry for the long comment” You write a lot too! You’re just like me! LOL

I’m so delighted that you took time out of your day to write me a long comment… Every single comment, regardless of length, you spend your time and energy to write to me. That makes every comment important and that’s why I make sure to read them all. Thank you so very much.

(I just accidently did a second Q&A)

I’m sorry for writing another long blog (´･_･`)

Ahhhh once I finished writing this, there will be a gap before my next blog… I’m always like this. The first thing I say right after entering a place such as an amusement park is, “I don’t want to go hoooome 〜” Not being able to enjoy the time I had is one of my faults (´･_･`)

Even though there is a gap between blogs, I have decided that I’ll use that time to write a blog that readers can read over and over without getting bored of it.

Alright! I am really looking forward to meeting everyone! I’ll be in your care!

 I’ll write again soon.

 Kubo Shiori

 There is no significance in doing something just once, but there is significance in doing something repeatedly. Unfortunately, that’s the hardest thing to do. That’s why we need to go out there and just do it. There’s no way we can stop here. One more time, just…one… more… but even still I can’t end it after just once more time, I need to keep going. Just wait and see.

[n3rdlif343va]

Prompt: Words of Affirmation, any pairing of choice from YoI

While they aren’t a pairing, I have always considered the idea of JJ and Yuuri interacting very interesting. Anyone who has read Be my chef, Yuuri knows that I have a soft spot for JJ and his crazy lol. Anyway, I don’t know if this is what you were looking for, but it felt right to me :)

The locker room was peacefully quiet as JJ pushed opened thedoor, sinking down on bench and barely holding in his tears before the doorswung shut. He had managed to shove down the lurking feelings inside of him,burying them in false bravado and a personality that verged on obnoxious. Theopinions the other skaters held of him were not a secret, but he was convincedthat being found obnoxious was better than being thought to be weak, so he keptthe image going. The confidence, the sass, the boisterous attitude, they were apart of the carefully crafted King JJ persona and he had committed to that personabefore he was even a senior skater.

Today though, that image was shaken. JJ curled forward,pressing his palms against his closed eyelids in a futile effort to keep histears away. He had been able to pull himself back, to fall into the JJ thecrowd wanted by concentrating on the chanting of his name. Isabella, in all ofher wonderful supportiveness, had reached onto the ice with her voice, remindinghim of who he wanted to be, of the JJ he wanted the world to know. It wasbecause of her and his parents that he was able to hold himself together,because they knew how easy it would be have been to let himself fall apart.

In the lonely emptiness of the cold locker room, JJ let hisfaçade crumble. Easing off of the bench, he sank to the ground and slumped backagainst the metal locker, his head falling to thud against the door as thetears finally escaped down his cheeks. His weakness had been exposed and hefelt raw, his chest rising and falling with the pain of each breath. The wholeworld had seen how weak he really was, and he had no idea if he could ever comeback from it. Feeling the sob bubble up his throat, he let his body tip forwardover his lap, heaving in his own overwhelming disappointment in himself.

His sobs filled every corner of the locker room as he set theanxiety and sorrow free to sweep over him. He was a failure, he had leteveryone down, and he found himself wishing that he could disappear into thefloor to never resurface.

In his desperate pleas to evaporate, JJ missed the sound ofthe locker room door opening. He didn’t register the sound of feet shufflingover the floor or the creak of the bench in front of him as another person tookhis place on the wood. What he did hear was the soft “hey” breaking through hisraging mind and bringing him to a sitting position with a start.

Sitting a foot from him, with quiet brown eyes and messy blackhair, was Yuuri Katsuki. JJ had never had a conversation with Yuuri and hequickly scrambled to wipe his face, clearing his throat to hide any possiblespeck of his breakdown. Yuuri felt like a wild card to JJ. He wasn’t as old asVictor or Christophe, but Yuuri wasn’t young either and he seemed completelyunaware of his own popularity. There was something oddly intimidating aboutYuuri Katsuki the skater, but the man in front of him now seemed different.Swallowing hard, JJ looked decidedly at his feet and whispered a choked, “hi.”

“We don’t really know each other,” Yuuri’s feet shifted, hishands curled over the edge of the bench, flexing with nerves that were obvious.“This might be weird…” Glancing up, Yuuri paused and waited until JJ scoffedwith a nod of his head and a small smile. “You should be proud of yourself.”

Inhaling sharply, JJ’s head whipped up. Nothing that he hadmarginally accomplished on the ice was worth being proud of, and he conveyedthat thought with a purse of his lips and sharp shake of his head.

“Yeah,” Yuuri nodded, shifting again to lean forward with hisgaze focused on the ground. “I know that probably sounds stupid. I know it usedto sound stupid to me every time Victor would say it. I would argue that Ifailed. I fell, I didn’t win, and I let my head get distracted. With everyargument, he had his own, still does, honestly. Somewhere along the way, Irealized that it isn’t about being perfect, it’s about leaving it all outthere. Giving everything you have to give in that one moment.”

JJ had repositioned to face the ceiling, the crown of his headpressed against the locker as he processed Yuuri’s words. They were like raysof sun, breaking through the clouds in his mind, and JJ sighed finally lettinghimself look at Yuuri. He was surprised to find kindness in the soft smile ofthe skater he had avoided. “I didn’t do that though.”

He heard himself start to talk, as if the voice wasn’t his andhe lacked control of the words tumbling out. “None of that performance was me.I fell, I didn’t recover, and I lost it all. Everyone cheered for me and Ididn’t deserve it.” JJ’s voice cracked, the tears spilling again as his wordsbroke off in a muted cry. There were more thoughts, for a moment he consideredsharing them, but they were lost in the waves of his broken sorrow.

“It’s funny,” tentatively, Yuuri patted JJ’s shoulder as hestood from the bench. “If there is anything I learned this season, it’s thatthe people who love and support you, they think you deserve even when you can’tsee it. Where I only saw flaws in myself, they saw a list of positives. Youhave people who love you and support you, and that’s a gift… really.” Movingaway from JJ, Yuuri paused at the locker room doors to turn back, making solideye contact for the first time since he had appeared in the locker room. “Youare worth more than your skating. When you can’t love yourself, when you can’tsee it yourself, trust those who see it in you. Most of the time, their visionof you is more trustworthy than your own.” With another small smile, Yuurinodded, pushing his way out of the locker room and leaving JJ alone again.

Only, JJ no longer felt alone. The tears were still real,still falling off the edge of his chin to spill in small pools in his lap, butthey were no longer hopeless and unforgiving. Although he found comfort inYuuri’s words, the ache inside of his chest and the hollow feeling in hisstomach didn’t immediately disappear. There was another feeling there though, alighter feeling, fighting against the darkness of the negative inside of him. JJwasn’t sure what it was, but he clung to its existence, letting the faces ofhis parents and Isabella swim to the forefront of his mind. They loved him, onand off the ice, and he found himself smiling with the thought.

Maybe he had failed this performance, maybe the world wouldsee him differently now, and maybe that wasn’t the end of the world. Shoving upfrom the ground, JJ nodded to himself, determined to face the world once again.

#fyeahyurionice #yoi #yuri on ice #jean jacques leroy #yuuri katsuki #words of affirmation #support #quiet advice

[liannyeong]

Hate That I Like You

Summary: Just two people who like each other.

Word count: 1643

Pairing: Jaebum X OC

Warning(s): just two idiots who like each other, oh and Jackson being annoying to Jaebum but it’s okay! there’s no conflicts around! :D

A/N: this fic was written a long back, and i forgot about it until i rummaged through my ideas and found this lol. so yeah. anyway, i wanted to post more fics but... my brain just ain’t working well with me so idk. i’ll try to update as much as i can.

"You're not avoiding me, right?" he confronts her when he spots her outside of her lecture hall.

She blinks. She can't say the truth, can she? She can't say why yes, I have been avoiding you for a week because I can't stand being hurt no matter how much she wants to. But then again, she can't confess her feelings either, since she fears being rejected and being awkward with him. So she just frowns as she says, "Why would I?" She forces a reassuring smile before adding, "I've been too busy these days. I've got projects to do and there's a lot of work for me to catch up. Besides, I have a part time job to handle too." She smiles yet again, "I think you're just overthinking."

"Am I?" Jaebum says lowly, his words rather mumbled. His eyebrows are slightly narrowed together, as he accuses, "Because clearly, you saw me just now but you acted like you didn't."

"What are you talking about? I saw you? When?"

"While you were walking to your lecture!"

"I did?" she feigns her surprise, her hand goes to her chin, her fingers rubbing her jaw as if trying to recall the earlier incident. Which, of course, she remembers clearly, but she pretends she doesn't remember. Anyway, it's not that she's lying. It's true that she didn't see him. On the first glance, that is. She was too preoccupied with her lecture notes, memorizing facts and chanting them out like a mantra. Her brain didn't register the male as quick as it always did. She did notice a tall auburn haired male on the far end of the corridor, and she did glance at that direction for a moment before reverting back to her notes. Only when her mind started wheeling at that memory did she look up once again to see Jaebum. By then, he had already disappeared into another corridor. "Sorry then. I guess I didn't notice you."

Jaebum huffs. "Apology accepted. But clearly you-"

"Jaebum!" Jackson comes and slings an arm around his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm late- Oh." Upon setting his eyes on her, Jackson's arm slides down to his side and for some reason that she can't comprehend, Jaebum's all flustered red. He's not looking at Jackson at all, as if afraid that Jackson would do something to him. She's confused, but she brushes away any thoughts in her head. She smiles at Jackson as an acknowledgment of his presence.

"Seems like you guys should hurry along now!" she says. "We can talk another time," she adds, but at her eyes were on Jaebum only as she said so.

Jackson is already bidding goodbye and pulling Jaebum by the arm, but Jaebum's feet seems stuck to the ground. "You're not going to avoid me, right?" Jaebum asks, resisting Jackson's attempts in pulling him. Jaebum isn't fazed, his eyes solely on the female, waiting for her answer. She shakes her head as she answers, "I didn't even avoid you, Jaebum! Stop thinking that!"

Jaebum opens his mouth to argue but Jackson intervenes, "Please continue your lovers' quarrel another time. We've got a class to attend!" He's still tugging Jaebum's arm.

To this, Jaebum's face turn beetroot and he lashes out at his friend, "We're not lovers!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can we please go?" Jackson pleads. Finally, Jaebum lets the male drag him off, though he keeps his eyes fixed on her. He's glaring at her, as if meaning to threaten if you ever avoid me once again..., but she seems to be able to understand the words behind his glare for she rolls her eyes at him. Jaebum then breaks into a smile, bidding her goodbye before turning around and releasing himself from Jackson's clutches, walking next to his friend.

She watches the pair of best friends disappear from her view. They nudge at each other playfully, which then turned into a game of pushing each other around, before finally, turning into a game of chase. She smiles at their playfulness, before turning on her heels.

"You like her, don't you?" Jackson teases as he pokes his friend's cheek, an arm slung around his shoulder. He has been pestering Jaebum with the same question for the umpteenth time and Jaebum feels annoyance bubbling inside. He has already been frustrated enough with the fact that his work has just got rejected by his professor because it's not up to standards. He nearly wanted to cuss at his professor for throwing away his two months worth of work in less than a minute. Jackson's hysterical laughter is loud in his ear, which sets off the switch in Jaebum. The temper in him rose and he slaps his friend's hand away hard enough to make him nearly topple over.

"No, I don't like Y/N, okay?! I hate her! So stop pairing me up with her!" Jaebum lashes out at his friend. Jackson's face was stricken with shock as Jaebum slams his book shut and jolts up, grabbing his back as he turns. And that's when his eyes meet another shocked face just a few steps away.

She stares right through him, no words spoken at all. Too frozen from his earlier outburst that she loses her train of thoughts. Jaebum calls her name as he steps forward, but instinctively, she backs away slowly. "I- uh... gotta go." She strides off, away from Jaebum and not meeting his eyes at all.

"Y/N!" Jaebum yells after her, but she doesn't look back at all. She runs off and Jaebum nearly stays there until he hears his own mind screams at him Run after her, you idiot!. He dumps his bag onto the table and speeds off, lungs working to its fullest. He keeps his eyes trained onto the pastel blue shirt that she wears, brushing past anyone who walks in the opposite direction. Within seconds, he managed to catch up to her. "Y/N, wait!" he yells as he corners her. She nearly slips away, but Jaebum blocks her way, arms widely spread out so that she won't be able to escape. "Please, listen to me! I can explain!"

"What is there to say, Jaebum?" she spits out, tears threatening to fall but she holds it all back. "I heard it clearly. You don't like me. You hate me. I'm nothing to you. Is there anything else I need to know?"

"Look, I didn't mean that!" Jaebum starts. "Jackson was just being annoying and-"

"And you had to yell that you hate me? Really?" she scoffs at the male.

"I just wanted to shut him up! He kept teasing me liking you and I was just annoyed at it because it's so obvious that it's the truth and he probably knew the answer already but he just had to be an annoying prick and so I was so done with him and I just yelled at him and you stood there when I turned and you looked terrified and I was scared you'd take it the wrong way because I didn't mean it that way! I just- What?" Jaebum blinks at the sight of her blank expression. No more is there the expression of anger on her face. She stands there, blank, clueless of what just happened. Jaebum had blurted out the whole buildup amounting to where they are now.

And most importantly, did she just hear him admit to his feelings for her?

"What did you say about Jackson teasing you about liking me?" she asks, face as blank as a sheet of paper.

Jaebum's expression is as blank too, but then his eyes widened in remembrance of his words. His hands goes to his mouth, covering it as if in shock that he just leaked a top secret. She stares right into his face, watching every facial muscle on him work itself into different expressions. His cheeks turn red and he brings his hands up to cover his face.

"Don't look at me like that!" he says, cheeks flushed a shade darker.

She stumbles a little backwards, still disbelieving the current situation. "Is this a joke...?"

"No!" Jaebum blurts, embarrassed. His cheeks are much redder than she expected it to be, and the shade reached the tips of his ears too. It's the first time she sees Jaebum so red in front of her, and she reckons he wants to dig up a hole in the ground and bury himself forever. Or perhaps just disappear from the face of the earth for eternity. But she doesn't mind if he can bring her along. So that both of them can escape the embarrassment that just happened. Just moments ago, she was on the verge of crying at the thought of Jaebum hating her. She wondered what went wrong, and if everything was a lie. If Jaebum was being kind to her out of sympathy, or if he was just playing around with her feelings.

"Please don't hate me," Jaebum's soft voice pulls her out from her thoughts. He's looking at the ground now, his head hung low, as if he's a little boy being scolded. "I didn't mean to hurt you. It just came out on its own, before I could even stop myself."

"You've hurt me enough, Jaebum."

Jaebum's head snaps up fast, worry plastered all over his face. "And I hate you so much-" Jaebum opens his mouth to speak. "-because finally, you return back my feelings."

Jaebum's face stills for a while, registering her sentence in his mind. Then, Jaebum breaks into a wide smile, eye crescents formed and his dazzling white teeth exposed for the world to see. She reckons he's never smiled that wide for her (or anyone) and for once, she feels like she had the whole world in her hands.

"So," she starts. "Shall we tell Jackson the truth now?"

#p: jb/oc #c: 1k #im jaebum #jaebum #got7 jaebum #got7 jb #jb #got7 im jaebum #got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 im jaebum scenarios #got7 jaebum scenarios #got7 jb scenarios

[sugaforthesoul]

[Fan Account] 20170401 - BTS WINGS Tour in Anaheim, CA

So you guys may or may not know but I was in Anaheim last night to see Bangtan. If you'd like to find out about my experience, just keep on reading!

So my day started very early on Saturday morning. I woke up around 7AM. Since this past week was my spring break, I was accustomed to waking up at 1PM and going to bed at 4AM, so needless to say, I had trouble both falling asleep and waking up in the morning. I caught a bus from outside my dorm around 9:30AM and rode it for about an hour and a half up to Oceanside. From there, I took the train around 12PM to Anaheim and I got there around 1:30PM. Fast forward past some details no one probably cares about, I came back to the Honda center (it's right across the street from Anaheim station) around 3:30PM. Since I had an assigned seat, I didn't have to worry about lining up or anything. By that time, most of the merch was gone though, so I didn't get anything ;A; I guess it's a good that 'cause that stuff is really expensive. Anyway, after hours of sitting on the curb and waiting in line, I got in around 7PM. I was in section 204 so once I was inside, I went straight through the doors into the actual stadium. Since I was in row P, my view was a little further away but I was not complaining one bit. When I sat down, a lady gave us an orange and green bag to cover lightsticks for specific songs but I didn't get to use them since I didn't buy a lightstick. For the next hour or so, they were playing Bangtan MVs on the monitors, and y'all. Why y'all got scream... at a MV? I was amused but I expected it since at SMTOWN way back in 2011, I was one of those people who screamed at the videos playing before the show (and was judged by my dad). Anyway I was sitting there amused at the audience but also watching the screen (and screaming at Jas AKA @jeons-jalebi via text and snap). As I was sitting there, watching, it hit me and I was trembling in both nervousness and excitement, which didn't subside until deep into the actual performance. I noticed the MVs were somewhat being played in chronological order but after Spring Day, I was ready for Not Today... the MV... that's not what I got. The lights cut and the intro VCR started playing. Everyone got to their feet, screaming and waving their lightsticks. I was no exception this time (minus the lightstick, obviously). Guess what they performed first. Yup, that's right, Not Today. The rose up from the back portion of the stage and it felt like my heart stopped for a moment. Yes, I video taped it but I did NOT for one moment actually look at what I was filming cuz I wanted to focus on it with my actual eyes. Even though I held my phone very close to my chest, the footage is very shaky. Yes, it's because my body was still trembling uncontrollably. I don't think I need to tell you guys how they perform because I'm sure most of you are under the impression that they're great performers, and you'd be absolutely correct. I think after was the first ment (I say I think because I don't remember how many there were or when they happened). Everyone screamed their asses off as expected and they all introduced themselves in English and all that jazz. I was expecting this but I was not prepared. Goddamn Min YOONGI (that autocorrected to all caps and obviously, I have made zero attempt to change it) did the thing where he takes his earpiece out, closes his eyes and cups his ear. Naturally, I screamed at the top of my lungs, as did others (except the girl next to me; she was texting during half the concert lol). After that they performed Am I Wrong, 뱁새, and (I think) BS&T. I'm not sure the order but I'm pretty sure BS&T was in that mix because I know they performed it around the beginning but I don't quite remember when (I jotted the setlist during the breaks, but I had forgotten by then... I guess I was just that stunned). Yo... those motherfucking hip thrusts in 뱁새... I couldn't breathe, holy shit. Honestly, no amount of preparation can prepare you to see them and I learned that many times in the course of two and a half hours. So far, the award of hype goes to Not Today and 뱁새, which is saying something because usually I'm very reserved in public and I was by myself too. After a break, Begin started and I knew there was going to be choreography for it since Jas told me . I thought I could prepare myself for it… but I was not prepared at all. Begin is one of my favorite tracks and pairing it with dancing ruined me. I was on the verge of tears. And then Lie is performed, and in that moment, it was all over. The choreography was absolutely amazing. It was sensual and well put together. Even though it was Jimin paired with sexy dancing, that style of dancing appeals to me anyway so I was just immersed. It felt a little bit theatrical too, and the red lighting was also appealing to my aesthetic. Anyone who knows me knows much I love the color red (just like Jungkook, heh). Right after, the universe decided it was going to seal the package of that round of performances with my bias. Yes, that’s right, the first round of solos was my bias list, ending off with my ultimate. Yoongi started by sitting in the middle in front of a piano and there were two strings players sitting at each side. I could hear the emotion in his voice, honestly. He kept walking closer, down the stage and delivered the verses with closed eyes. At this point, I was just watching and crying (literally). In that moment, I all of a sudden felt so thankful that I was standing there, able to see him (and them) perform in person. I’m from Florida, so needless to say, they’ve never come anywhere near my hometown. I don’t remember which ment this was in but since I mentioned that I don’t remember which ment went where and what happened in each specific one except the beginning and end one, I’ll insert this story here. So Hoseok was going to each side, getting them/us to scream. Of course the left side would still scream when he went to the right side and vice versa, but that’s beyond the point. Yoongi, after Hoseok finished both sides, growled, and I mean GROWLED like a tiger when he said, “LOUDER!” Usually the speakers in a large concert made the pitch higher, but when Yoongi growled, his voice was the deepest I had heard from him. It sent shivers down my spine (and still does at this very moment as I think back to it) and everyone went absolutely crazy. I am no exception. Every time Yoongi prompted us to be louder, lowkey highkey, I put more effort for obvious reasons. The next set of performances were in the front part of the stage, so I got a better view of it. The vocal line started with Lost. I was really impressed by how much they’ve improved their vocals. There a lot more stable now. Lost isn’t one of my favorites but I enjoyed it (as I enjoyed the performance for every song that isn’t that high up for me). Oh, I’d like to mention that by then, I’m pretty sure my body’s trembling had subsided. I think it stopped when there was a break. After Lost was Save Me, and I Need U. The choreography for Save Me was… I can’t even describe. Obviously I’m familiar with it, but seeing it in person was so good. I could definitely tell I Need U was a favorite for many because it got even louder somehow (if you didn’t know, I tend to vibe more with the tracks that are more hip-hop infused). The next set of performances were solos again and it started with Reflection. Namjoon is one of those people whom I’ve grown to admire a lot in the past four years and seeing him perform was a reiteration of that. There’s just something about the way his voice fills the stadium… that or I’m crazy. After that was Stigma, and guys, we need to talk about Taehyung’s voice. I was so accustomed to his deep singing voice. Yes, I was aware of the high notes in Stigma, but hearing it live? This probably doesn’t mean much since I was shook to the core the whole time, but I was S H O O K. Hoseok performed Mama after, and I must say, I have a newfound love for him. The choreography was very jazzy and lively, and his smile just gave me energy. That whole performance was like a vitamin. Also I had a hard time keeping my eyes on him ‘cause the main monitor behind him and a slideshow of his baby photos and babies are my weakness. After Hobi, Jin performed, and again, so impressed with those vocals. The next set of performances… this is when shit got very real for me, and this is why: the fucking CYPHER happened. Yo, I mentioned that it’s hard to hype me that much if I’m solo and in public, but you better believe I was vibing hardcore with that shit. My mannerisms were like Yoongi’s. I was too into it to notice but when I looked back at the little snapchat video I took of the beginning of his verse, I noticed we’re similar. I also do some of the dance moves Hoseok was doing (and I’m sure some of you know the origin those dances). I’m dancing while sitting at my desk typing this up, that’s how much that performance hyped me. Right after was Fire, and of course the hype did not subside (for most people, Fire is a hype song but not my favorite - dear Lord, how many times am I going to say a variation of “hype”). They had us cover our lightsticks with either a yellow bag or an orange one for it. Following was a medley of throwbacks starting from N.O. Then they did No More Dream (I was so hyped for the former two), Boy in Luv, Danger, and Run. They only did choreography for Boy in Luv out of the older songs. They did 21st Century Girl, and then it seemed like it’d be over but after lots of screaming, chanting BTS, and changing the bags on the lightsticks to create a rainbow, they came back on, starting with Hoseok dancing to Intro: Boy Meets Evil (no, he didn’t rap too). They did BS&T again and talked to us more after. Last, they performed Interlude: Wings, 2!3!, and ended with Spring Day. Most people including me didn’t leave until the VERY end, after the ending video played on the monitor and the boys bowed with everyone. As I walked out, I was a little dizzy, still dazed, but also my ears were so blocked and my throat was very hoarse. I didn’t buy merch earlier but I bought a WINGS shirt with the tour dates on the back (which I’m wearing now)... it was $10! People just went around selling them! Jas told me to look out for stuff like that. The concert was about two and a half hours but i didn’t leave until around 11:30PM because I needed an uber to go back to the Airbnb and when I first got out, they were $45, and I was like hell no because it was $14 to get to the Honda Center. I kept refreshing but the price went up to $75. Eventually I got it at $32 though. The amount of people I screamed to about it when I was lying in bed… yeah I still have post concert shock. I came back to the dorm this morning and since Anaheim Station is close to the Honda Center, I got to meet @perpetually-jungshook :’) We didn’t hang for long; I had a crowded as fuck train to catch… but yeah, that’s it. I wanna turn back time, but the moment has passed so I’ll just pray they’ll come back soon.

#bts wings tour #bts wings #wings tour #bts wings tour fan account #bts wings in anaheim #wings tour anaheim #bts #bangtan boys

[softest-yoongi-archive]

oh boy here goes i’m tired of holding all this in

#im sososo worried for my friend #im scared somethings happened cause he i haven't been able to reach him in a while #i mean sure its fine and okay not to be available and answering messages all the time #but when mental health issues are involved especially with his habit to not be online when things are bad #im just #ive been on the verge of tears for like 24 hours now and its only a matter of time when i break #but i have to keep myself together cause im in public or with my parents all the time #i just wish i was home so i could fuckin drive my ass to his house if this goes on #i always jump to conclusions when people don't answer ugh itd be easier just to not love anyone huh #ive been chanting yoongis 'i dont wanna cry' part in sea the whole morning but it just makes me want to cry more #anyyyway if i seem off here its because i am lol #my thingies