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swiftgronmasterpost · 4 years

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The Swiftgron Timeline Remastered

Hey Guys! It’s Cam from @whatiwillsay

It’s high time the Swiftgron Masterpost was updated with more content and a cross reference of the Achele timeline and other newly learned information.

Now if you’re just looking to prove that Swiftgron is real to your friends click here for a more succinct summation of proof. But if you want to read the sad, beautiful, tragic (no that’s not a Swiftgron song) story of Swiftgron, to go through the ups and downs, from the Hunger Games to SNL this is the place for you!

I was inspired to do this partially by this conversation. TL;DR is there was some lively discourse in the fandom about who the breakup songs on Red are about.

Personally, it doesn’t make sense to me for them to be about Dianna when the falling in love songs are obviously about her (mentions of green eyes, her name in the 22 liner notes, ect.) For one quick example: the songs The Last Time and Come Back...Be Here were written and recorded right around the same time.

I’m sorry but I just cannot fathom those two songs being about the same person. One is about the softest start to a relationship you’ve ever imagined - pining away and missing someone you barely know but are already infatuated with and the other is a gut wrenching heartbreak song about someone you’ve been on and off with for a long time.

Furthermore the Swiftgron masterpost and timeline was laid out by either Kaylors or general Gaylors, but no one who seems to have an in depth knowledge of Achele or even of Taylor’s relationships before Dianna, other than Emily which by all accounts ended in 2008.

So I wanted to fill in all the blanks left open on the original Swiftgron masterpost to see if it’s possible that it missed anything.

Plenty of this data will still come from the original Swiftgron masterpost and shoutout to them for building such an amazing document! It’s a great primer but it does gloss over a lot of events such as the Glee tour in the summer of 2011, the circumstances around all the early Swiftgron meetings, and the obvious Achele interactions through early winter 2012, and of course it’s missing all the weird late stage Swiftgron social media shenanigans.

I wanted to make this masterpost to be able to stand alone so I ripped some gif sets and other info (mostly on Achele) that I didn’t personally build because I don’t ever want anyone running into dead links. If you see an edit or content you made that I haven’t credited please let me know and I will credit you or remove it if you really want me to.

The other reason I made this was I wanted to have one succinct and chronological place to store every single Swiftgron photo, video, or media of any other type. If it’s Swiftgron related I will find it and add it here. If I missed something you can let me know by reaching out to me on my usual blog @swiftgron-get-married.

For those of you that are new to Gaylor here’s a few notes:

1. If Taylor seems fruity to you it’s cause she does to everyone else. Welcome.

2. Swiftgron is the pairing of Taylor Swift and Dianna Agron.

3. Achele is the pairing of Dianna Agron and Lea Michele. It happened before Swiftgron (I think summer 2009 - Early 2012). Achele was real 100%. Go to Achele References on Tumblr for more info but just know I have reason to believe Achele actually dated beyond public information. Take that with a grain of salt of course and look at the evidence for yourself.

4. At some points in this document I reference a forum called The L Chat - that place is a wasteland of biphobia, transphobia, and other gross things but they did closely track Swiftgron and Achele. I don’t recommend going there as it can be very triggering to some. I have gone and pulled out relevant data so you don’t have to go there.

5. There is a notion in the Gaylor fandom that Dianna was toxic, a serial cheater, and I’ve even heard the word “abusive” thrown around due to the fact that the breakup songs on Red do seem to be about a toxic relationship - Taylor has said as much.

Given what I’ve heard about DIanna from people who have actually had contact with her - this would be incredibly out of character. She does have the reputation of being a bit of a player but is literally famous for how kind, giving, compassionate, and amiable she is to fans, coworkers, and friends alike.

I believe that this document proves that due to events on the timeline that although Swiftgron definitely had their ups and downs (Babe definitely suggests at least one instance of a lack of faithfulness, and I’ve clocked at least two obvious breakups before Taylor commits to Karlie and the Swiftgron romance is over for good) however the idea that it was a completely toxic mess is just not supported by actual public data, gathered evidence, and Taylor’s own music and words.

With that enjoy! The pandemic has done some weird things to people hasn’t it? This what I did instead of going outdoors. (I streamed Folklore six billion times while building this, honestly it was a blast!)

Click here to keep reading!

Orrrr

If you want to skip all the preamble of Achele and Tayliz click here to jump into the Swiftgron Spring!

Table of Contents

Early Stages - Ships Passing in the Night

The 2011 Vanity Fair Oscar Party

Spring 2011 - The Achele of it All

The 2011 Met Gala Klossgron Extravaganza

Glee Live Tour Part 1 - Achele is ON

Glee Live Tour Part 2 - Rivergron in Paris

Glee Live Tour Part 3 - Seriously what the fuck was Shirtgate

Glee Tour Part 4 - Dianna’s Gay Panic Shirtgate Essay

Let’s Check In With Taylor - Speak Now Tour and Tayliz

Fairfax Flee Market - Finally Some Swiftgron!

Fall 2011 - Red and Achele winds down

Winter 2012 - Achele sunset / Swiftgron dawn

The Swiftgron Spring - Everything Changes

Shirley MacLaine’s Birthday

Dianna’s 26th Birthday

The Swiftgron Summer Part 1 - Dominick’s and The Glaad Awards

The Swiftgron Summer Part 2 - Hyiannis Port and The First Breakup

Fall 2012 - They Reuinte in Paris and Haylor Rises

Winter 2013 - The Beginning of the End

Spring 2013 - Fall 2013 - The End?

Winter 2014 - Taylor is Clean but then Swiftgron never goes out of Style

Late Stage Part 1 Spring 2014 - Winter 2018

Late Stage Part 2 Spring 2018 (Babe!) - Fall 2019 (SNL!)

Late Stage Part 3 Folklore Shenanigans

Late Stage Part 4 Evermore!

#part 1 #welcome

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gesternchen · 3 years

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Just randomly reviewing scenes from the movies no one remembers now. This week: Avatar (2009).

It’s not like everyone forgot James Cameron’s Avatar. Since we’re still getting some footage from behind the scenes of the sequel and news about the cast, at least someone takes pains to remind themselves of this cinematic experience from the year of 2009. It’s already been 84 (just kidding, 11) years and I’m still looking forward to at least watching the teaser (fun fact: I was 11 when Avatar came out, I’m 22 now). I even bought the Darkhorse comic book on Tsu’Tey’s backstory to, you know, investigate one of my favorite characters a little bit better (spoiler: the backstory wasn’t very much eventful but I noticed a nice detail there which I may talk about briefly a bit later).

Throughout the years Avatar has received a lot of backlash and more or less justified criticism, mainly for the plot and its problematic packaging. I believe, it depends on the perspective one watches a movie from. Of course, I wouldn’t call it an absolute gem of exciting storytelling, even though I truly enjoy it, as in majority its twists are undeniably predictable. However, I always disagreed with people saying relations in Avatar aren’t deep at all. Well, romance between Jake and Neytiri, which, let’s be honest, except for the scene of telling the truth, went too smoothly, and this is why I strongly believe clash of interests is inevitable in sequels. Their interaction remained the key one for the whole movie, and nothing is bad about that, people enjoy a nice lovestory, so do I. But 11 years after I’d like to focus on the disturbing conflict everyone prefers to ignore for some reason when recalling Avatar. For me it’s always been Jake versus Colonel Quaritch.

You guys may have already guessed which scenes I wanna talk about. Those really important ones that I consider climactic to the pace of narration. And what is more about them, they give us crucial details in character development and actors’ play to think through. The main message: Quaritch knew it was coming.

Let me firstly touch upon the scene of short conversation between Jake and Quaritch prior to Sully presumably leaving Pandora. While Jake is awating Quaritch in a large empty hall, he hardly seems to be calm about the talk, every nerve in his body is trembling, but why?

The way Jake’s drumming his fingers on the table makes me wonder if he’s okay.

Then Colonel enters the hall, grabs a chair and reminds that it had been more than two weeks since he got the latest report on how the misson was going. He knows, Sully is questioning reality, and no, he’s not ‘doubting his resolve’. He knows, the right moment to ‘terminate the mission’ is missed. He knows, he lost Jake. He knows, he’s talking to the deserter. Yet Quaritch speaks indifferent. He praises Jake’s effort and rewards him for that. With real legs he promised to him when they first talked. Quaritch hoped they’d trigger the realization in Jake. Which doesn’t happen. How sad he looks when Jake openly refuses to accept the reward.

In just one sequence Stephen’s face demonstrates the shift of all four feelings Quaritch goes through: dissatisfaction, melancholy, shame, disgust.

Quaritch sensed the moment when Jake expressed superiority to the mankind. Jake grasped that Quaritch knew everything, he played with fire, and that’s why he felt anxiety. And it lasted all the way until Quaritch stepped back for leaving the hall. But did Colonel really surrender? I doubt that.

The tension between them both feels electric, so it’s explainable why Jake’s transient smile is so awkward. Sam then heavily staring straight at Colonel's back suggests that up until now Jake regarded Quaritch as his enemy. The enemy he knew he would not be able to defeat.

I remember when watching this scene, I couldn’t get myself the answer to one question. The question was: which report did Quaritch refer to? ‘That report from two weeks ago’, but such information wasn’t satisfactory for me. To be honest, this small discovery became the actual reason why I decided to type this study. Let’s assume that this particular report which Quaritch mentioned was the videolog where Jake confessed that Omaticaya wouldn’t leave the Hometree. Here’s why.

The general audience is used to perceiving Quaritch as a cruel short-tempered military man who just waits for the starting pistol’s shot to destroy everything in sight. Again, nothing is wrong about this, the fact that his character was simply meant to be a generic personification of such type doesn’t leave us with any alternative impression of him. Let’s say, if he was given the order to ignite the operation of the Hometree’s destruction to screw the tribe out of the site, he would absolutely go for it (and so he does). He’s a man of his word after all. Let’s also say, if he was pissed off by Jake’s betrayal, he would transport himself to the mountain site in a blink of an eye, turn off the link and put Jake in jail right after the talk in the hall. Instead, Quaritch decided to wait and give Jake the last chance. Jake preffered unearthly wings to those more tangible, so Quaritch chose not to cut them so abruptly.

We’re moving to the next scene, taking place right before a toned down fight between Tsu’Tey and Jake (I’m saying so, because it’s actually one of the deleted scenes that got edited out of the final cut, and believe me, the pressure between two rivals there is way too intense). Quaritch is watching the record of Jake destroying bulldozer’s lenses with a stone. After that Jake’s face is zoomed and we watch Selfridge get frustrated, Quaritch looks pretty annoyed as well but doesn’t seem to be much surprised. What he’s feeling, is bitter disappointment in himself and knowing that he totally failed to persuade Jake to change his mind.

Just observe Stephen Lang’s performance here. He absolutely nails cold-eyed look, the fire burning slow inside of him is so palpable, and guess what, in a flash he flies off the handle.

Now, shall we check the ultimate scene, preceding the destruction of the Hometree. Though Grace versus Parker juxtaposition is central to this scene, the last time Quaritch confronting Jake face to face in his human body is essential to consider for making things clear.

When it comes to revealing to Selfridge the vainness of further negotiations with Omaticaya, isn’t it just interesting how fast Quaritch manages to find the correct videolog? It literally takes him not more than a couple of swipes to produce the proof. Here is why: he’s already watched the record and is completely aware of the Jake’s values having deteriorated.

You can tell, Jake knew he was under control, but he would rather like to ingnore this fact. His pathetic glance at Quaritch, who’s almost impending above his head, causes to think Jake would guess that Colonel could have watched this videolog. Rather, it was a mutual secret between the two of them until a turning point. But the moment of truth came, and Jake didn’t change his mind. Quaritch made sure of that and finally it was his time to triumph.

So how was it even possible to assume Quaritch may have watched the videolog I’ve been talking about for so long? Well, my explanation may be too easy to believe, but still: we can tell by Jake’s appearance and the date of the record that it is the vlog we need.

This telltale videolog was recorded 16 minutes after the another one, when Jake says that he’s uncertain, who he is anymore (LST abbreviation stands for Local Standard Time). Jake might have suddenly felt depressed and hopeless and got back to the camera while being too emotionally instable, and so must have forgotten to delete the final record.

I have one more note for you. If you check the videolog library Quaritch is swiping through, you’ll see that the latest important record, which he actually needs, is made in the interior of the mountain site block and dates back to August, 13. Other recent vlogs’ covers look nothing like Site 26 sequence. Jake may not have done any of these records at the mountain site. I still wonder though where those three or four ensuing videologs were recorded, the location seems to be red lighted, which means it isn’t blue lighting at Site 26. I may even assume he recorded some pieces at Hell’s Gate. Why would I think so? Probably because in those two scenes (dialog with Quaritch and confession at Parker’s office) Jake looks ten times better than before, he gained some weight at least and doesn’t resemble a living sceleton.

Selfridge gave Jake an hour to relocate the tribe, while gunships led by Colonel’s Dragon were already on full alert. Quaritch had no doubt that Jake’s peacekeeping mission would fail. He knew it from the beginning. Hence he sounds so sarcastic seeing Sully’s avatar tied.

Now Quaritch sipping his villain’s morning coffee tasting like fresh genocide doesn’t feel so cringy: he’s celebrating his victory over Jake (still I should agree with critisism on this point, it really is a stupid cliche and wasn’t intended to carry a deep meaning).

Now I should admit, it’s been a long journey to run this investigation and bring it to light by finally posting it. It took me around a day to collect my thoughts and express them by means of more or less readable English. Just would like to make a little side note: English is not my native, so I promise I did my best! Thanks to James Cameron for making a movie, which woke me up in the middle of the night to start reflecting, and to all the fans out there who still exist and remember this movie and so can read this essay. @avatarmovies I found your blog not so long ago and you guys say you enjoy headcanons (and movie reviews probably?..), so it would be nice if you reblogged this but I’m not insisting!!

#avatar #james cameron #james cameron avatar #movie reviews #avatar movies #colonel quaritch #jake sully #characters in conflict #gesternchen reviews

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theramseyloft · 5 years

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Cognition and Sociology Research

When I was raising doves I found some research papers about pigeons categorizing things and learning the equivalent of words the way human children do.

At the time, I just thought it was neat.

But when we got the most pitiful pigeon I have ever seen into wildlife rehab (I'm their columbid specialist),

I built off of that research and started talking to him, like you would a nonverbal three year old.

Entirely on his own, he started alerting me for anxiety attacks, and even worked out how to bring me down from bad ones if he couldn't warn me fast enough.

He knew I was diabetic before I did, and also started alerting me for blood sugar spikes all on his own.

I'm an autistic woman with ADHD, PTSD, and pretty severe social anxiety.

My two biggest fears in public are anxiety attacks and over-stimulation.

Those of you with mental illness are aware that panic attacks and anxiety attacks are two different things.

A panic attack is a sudden reaction to a specific stimulus.

An anxiety attack is more of a straw that broke the camels back after a prolonged build up of stressors.

From my perspective, they feel exactly the same.

Because I am not aware of the build up of stress until I have that last straw moment, an anxiety attack can hit me out of nowhere, for absolutely no reason I am capable of discerning in the moment.

It makes going anywhere alone absolutely terrifying because I have no way of knowing when or if or even why I may suddenly have an anxiety attack.

Under enough duress, I can’t function. Like my brain just shorts out.

I get hit with a wave of exhaustion. All the energy drains out through the soles of my feet, and I'm just.. so deeply tired I could just crumple up where I stand.

Blood sugar spikes feel, to me, exactly like that stressed out shut down.

Ankhou can read that build up, and differentiate between anxiety, blood sugar, and just plain physically tired.

If I am actually just tired, Ankhou will wait for me to get comfortable, snuggle in with me, and join the nap.

When he becomes aware that I'm approaching the degree of stressed that preceeds an anxiety attack, he gets on my shoulder or in my lap and leans against my cheek or preens my hand: Letting me know I need to relax and providing me a soft stim to relax come down with.

If he stands on my chest and stretches to be eye level, that't my warning that I need to immediately find a place to sit down and pet him to prevent myself from shutting down entirely.

If he has not gotten to me soon enough and I am fully shut down, he gets in my lap and gently preens the underside of my forearm until I respond to stroke him.

If I'm having a blood sugar spike, he will do absolutely anything in his power to prevent me from falling asleep! He'll start by preening and nudging my hands to pet him. If I don’t respond, he bites my fingers.

If I don’t respond to that, he bites the back of my hand. Then the soft tender bit between my fingers, then my inner elbow, then my ear, then my cheek...

And then if absolutely nothing else will rouse me, he will bite my eyelid.

If absolutely nothing will get me to respond, he'll find who ever else is in the house and throw himself at their office or room door until they come check on me.

And I got to thinking: If a feral literally off the street would do that on his own...

What would happen if I selectively bred the birds most comfortable around and interested in people?

And gave them very basic training? Like responding to their name, loading eagerly into a carrier, comfortably wearing a harness, responding to a few simple commands like Step up...

At the time, I was raising show pigeons.

And one of the highest criteria for working with a breed was its tractability and docility.

So I already had this collection of the breeds that were easiest to handle, most physically fit, with the best parents instincts like tight setting of eggs and chicks and excellent feeding responses...

Letting them blend would mean I wouldn’t have to keep pairs penned anymore!

So I laid out sand on the floor to make cleaning easier, got them nest boxes and stacked them to the wall.

Got them shelves with hardware cloth supporting comfy rubber mats I could take out and hose off.

And let them pair up as they would.

I have a cap of 10 mature breeding pairs.

When a keeper baby hits 6 months, the adult of the same sex that is either least healthy, least friendly, or has the worst parenting record gets retired and adopted to their permanent home as a pet.

That's the only influencing I have over pairings.

The birds can otherwise do and bond as they please.

Babies who do not enjoy any aspect of the training program are not forced to continue. I just mark them as pet instead of potential therapy bird.

I record everything they do.

Who they pair with, how well they parented the babies, how the babies developed, who wants to sit with me, under what circumstance.

How treat motivated are they?

How much and where do they like to be petted?

How keen are they to sit with me with no treat reward vs. treat time?

Upon reaching maturity, does any of that change?

Pigeons are a very unusual sort of social among the columbidae.

Most other birds, including the vast majority of dove and pigeon species, see fully self feeding fledgelings as new competition for resources and drive them out of their territory.

They can feed off a rich ground together, but only watch out for and cooperate with their current mate. They do not seek out other birds’ company, they just happen to be in the same place at the same time.

Rock doves and their domesticated descendants' flocks are strikingly human like extended families.

Parents, grandkin, aunts, uncles, children, cousins, grand children: all live together year round in a nesting site that functions kinda like a human tribe or village.

Babies only ever leave the flock to start a new one when there are not enough resources to support the number of birds.

When they fledge and leave the nest, their dad takes over the bulk of their care. He feeds them, shows them where to find food, water, and nest material, and teaches them how to integrate into pigeon society.

When to be assertive so they don’t get crowded out and can get what they need, and when to defer to the status of an older, bigger bird to avoid being injured in a fight.

The rest of the flock will usually haze a peep the first day it's down: Basically each taking heir turn to assert "I'm older and bigger, and I out rank you." Knowing where they are in the chain of command makes things like coordinating flock foraging parties around avoiding predators and navigating changing weather conditions go smoothly when it's time to venture forth from the nesting grounds.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150609213053.htm

Pigeon society is democratic.

Every fully fledged bird has a say in where they go and what they do on missions.

The individual that knows the best places to find food, water, or nest material will lead the mission out to get that thing, and the bird who is best at navigating leads the foraging party back home afterwards.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100416214045.htm

Pigeon flocks are a meritocracy.

A mission leader earns that status by actually being the best at that specific task, and if some one else gets better at it, the flock will follow that bird instead.

https://www.audubon.org/news/in-homing-pigeon-flocks-bad-bosses-quickly-get-demoted

This one isn’t pigeon specific, but pigeons are SUPER communicative, and it would not surprise me to find that this applies to pigeon peeps as well.

https://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/stories/baby-birds-communicate-eggs-hatch?fbclid=IwAR39CYrHAfFM6nAP8Rq3TvOox1p5vcb3Z87xqjPoiYNCwMoRvuQaWCeSFjs

Maybe less because their parents sit on them constantly, but I have seen evidence for peeps hatching with anxiety during a stressful time for the flock.

Pigeons, like baboons, are capable of higher level cognition.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090212141143.htm

In fact, their brains are wired a lot like ours!

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130717095336.htm

Facial recognition is as important to them as it is to us, and it functions the same way ours does.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130717095336.htm

Like corvids, and unlike most parrots, pigeons recognize themselves in mirrors.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080613145535.htm

I have seen evidence that they can differentiate a mirror from a photo and a video, and can recognize themselves in a video with significant delay.

This degree of self awareness is why their name is the first concrete thing my babies learn.

When a baby reaches a week of age, it gets a name and observes the older birds at treat time in my lap.

I greet each individual by name and give them a safflower seed held between thumb and forefinger. (Making my hand look more bird head shaped than the usual talon or snake head shape that hands present to birds on an instinctive level)

There are often individuals in a flock who will feed any peep that toddles up and begs. By doing treat time this way, I take on this "auntie" roll for my flock and emulate the comfort of being fed by a big, protective parent.

When the baby starts to peck and beg me for seeds, I greet it by name and pop a safflower seed into its mouth just like the adults.

That baby learns that its name specifies that I am addressing it, and no other bird, and associates being addressed by name with getting something good.

The end result is a baby who knows and eagerly responds to their name.

The information in these three studies:

proving that pigeons categorize like we do https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/04/140402095107.htm

They learn the equivalent of words the way human children do https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150204184447.htm

And pattern map with enough nuance to differentiate a word from an acronym the same number of letters. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/09/160919111535.htm

was the basis of my linguistic training with Ankhou.

Language is a pattern of matching words to objects, places, individuals, actions, and concepts.

Pigeons are communicative, social learning pattern mappers, already wired to map the pattern of language by the same mechanic as a human toddler.

My job is to feed Ankhou the pattern by which humans vocally communicate and let him do with it what pigeons do best.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/12/171204144805.htm

Pigeons understand abstracts like time and space.

Ankhou understands the abstract concepts of choice and consent, and is capable of giving me a clear yes or no answer.

And the exciting thing is that he isn’t special in that regard.

All pigeons are wired to learn language this way, and with patience and consistence, any of them at any age can be taught.

It's just easiest for babies who were raised with it.

Pigeon society is close enough to a big, extended human family that an individual pigeon can integrate easily into a human flock.

The more easily they can communicate with us and we can with them, the more easily they can integrate and the closer bonds they can form with their partner.

So the bulk of our research here at The Ramsey Loft is centered around decoding pigeon communication, pushing to see how much of ours they can be taught, what environment and methods are most conducive to teaching them, how big a part genetics play, and how accurately those traits can be selected for.

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yeetydeletey · 3 years

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Some D.Gray-Man questions

Got tagged by my bestie @14thexorcist <3 to answer some questions, so lets get it. :D (I didn’t forget about it, thanks god... Xd... I just finally have free time :D) This is going to be a long text... Lovely...

What year did you first get into DGM? Hmm, around the end of 2009/beginning of 2010, I was still a small kiddo watching DGM on the TV. God bless the once alive Super7 TV Program.This was 10 years ago :O, damn time passes...

Who’s your favorite character? The one and only sitting on a chair Lavi! That dude was my first favorite anime character ever. He just holds a special place in my heart, right next to the whole D.Gray-Man series. Then maybe I can say that Allen is my second favorite right next to Lavi. But just a little info on why Lavi: basically when I first started to watch DGM on the TV there was this cool dude with eye patch and hammer, kiddo me loved him so damn much that one day one of my friends was talking shit about Lavi and my protective ass decided to vibe check the said friend with one of my dad’s metal hammers... Good times :) Now that I have more brain than 5/6yo or do I I understand Lavi as a character, he is a happy guy that actually holds a lot of secrets, hopefully one day we get to know more about him.

Who’s your least favorite character? I’d say Lvellie, Apocryphos and Chaoji.

Lvellie because this dude literally wants only the win, he doesn’t care about the exorcists, this angers me.

Apocryphos because he is just... you know,he is trying to eat Allen, hunting him down, killing what Allen loves... The reasons are a lot...

Chaoji is just annoying as a character, but maybe one day in the future when he hopefully gets over his hate for Allen, he will be useful. He could be a great help for Allen and the gang.

Who’s your favorite general? Hmm, they all are cool, but I’ll be damned if it ain’t Cross. The anime did him dirty, but the ones that read the manga know that he is actually soft towards Allen (as soft as Cross can be). He cares about his precious little student. :D Then I can say that Klaud is 10/10 lady. Wish we get to see her more in the future. I have so many questions about her innocence.

Who’s a character you would get along with? Lavi Allen, I guess. This is personal af so I am not going to get into details, but I do think that we can really get along well. He is always someone who helps others no matter what, and I love him for that. But at the same time, Allen please, take care of yourself... D:

What kind of innocence would you have? :0 gimme the sword so I can cut down antis. Jokes aside though, I’d love to have a sword... or a pistol, like Cross. No trees will be left alive.

What’s your favorite ship? Spicy question I see. It’s no secret that I am a hardcore Laven shipper, so Laven on first place, then maybe KanLena on the second spot. But as long as everyone respects people’s ships I am fine with every ship. (Almost every...)

What’s your least favorite ship? I can backup Bunny and say that I really don’t have any less likable ships, as long as they are not weird... I will respect everyone’s ship as long as it’s not some weird Alabama shit, or even worse...

What branch would you want to be part of? Asian Branch sounds like one epic place, with Bak and Fou. I’d love to spend time with the crackheads. And the scientists there are just 10/10 XD

What’s your favorite arc? One of the hardest questions... I’d say that Krory’s arc was one of my favorite ones, maybe it even gets the first place, then maybe the current arc, and on third place I’d put the Alma Arc. The thing about DGM is that it doesn’t have bad arcs, every SINGLE one of them is beautiful and meaningful in it’s own way.

Now, I have to tag someone... Where are my friends at, ah yes, they ain’t here... I will just tag the little shit Bubu, hopefully she looks at the questions XD @bubu0127 (I totally exposed her profile...)

#DGM #What a weird Q&A #I woke up 30 minutes ago #What is English #Hopefully the long text can be understood #Why do I tag so much #Send help

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kingscrown666 · 5 years

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I need some help, guys.

I'm very sorry to have to ask this, and I hoped I never would because I hate to bother people, but I need help

So, here's the thing. Me, my mom, and my aunt had been living in my grandparent's house, here in Michigan. But over the summer, they decided to sell the house since they were only there a few months out of the year

Well, that meant that the three of us had to find another place to live. My aunt found a place she could afford, and it had spare bedrooms, but she wanted to give those to her daughter and grandkids because they'd been separated and she wanted them to all be together again.

So me and my mom had to find somewhere else to live, and the only place we could afford was government housing where the rent is based off of your income. Currently our rent only $14/mo because our income was so low

But that's not what I need help with.

When we first inquired about housing, we asked about their pet policy and they said dogs were allowed as long as they were 80lbs or less. Well, when we came to sign the lease, they suddenly said that no, the weight limit is 20lbs! And my boy weighs a lot more than that. And I had literally no other choices for housing, so I had to give my dog up. It was either live here without my dog, or be homeless with him

So I gave him up. I had to send him back to the place where I'd gotten him in the first place. And I really really did not want him to go back there, but once again, I had no choice. I looked and looked for someone else to take him until I got a job and could get a place of my own, but everybody either couldn't or wouldn't take him

I didn't want him to go back to where I'd gotten him because he was in very poor condition when I got him. He was super skinny, he had bald patches in his fur, his tail was bleeding (it's slightly crooked now, but working properly) and he was very skidish and withdrawn. In the months that I had him he had a complete turnaround. He'd gained a healthy amount of weight, his fur grew back, he healed up, he'd come out if his shell and was playing and I discovered an actual personality in him and he was playing and happy

But now he's right back where he was and he's losing weight again and he's being kept outside again and it's getting cold. I've spoken with the man who has him and he insists that's he feeding my dog every day but

This doesn't look like the midriff of a dog who's being fed everyday. And he's filthy

I went to visit him today, and this was my hand after just a few minutes of petting him

And his water was even worse

When I first got him it was very cold outside. We had a high of -5°F that day, and that night it got down to -13°F

I'm afraid he will still be out there by the time winter sets in again. I don't want that

He was so sad when I left. He was barking and whimpering as I walked away.

You can barely see him all the way back there.

I wish I can take my dog back but I have nowhere to take him. If I bring him back here, to where I'm living now, we would be evicted.

Again, I've spoken with the man who is taking care of him, and he assures me that he's doing the best he can for Jack. And, honestly, I believe him. It's just that his best really isn't good enough. At least not to my standards. He's a really great guy and he does what he can, but he's struggling too

The day I dropped him off I cried more more than I have in years. I didn't even cry that much when I broke my fingers when I was in kindergarten. But Jack is my baby and I love him so much and I need him back, and he needs me!

And here's where I need help. I need to get a place, and soon. Before winter comes again. Once I get a place I can get Jack back again so I can take care of him properly.

The guy had other dogs when I got Jack, one of them died outside in the cold and snow shortly after I got Jack. So I'm really afraid for my dog's life.

And I finally got job (I just started last Tuesday), so I'll be able to take care of him and myself once I start getting regular checks.

I'd been unemployed since December of last year when my temp job ended. It's hard to find a job I can actually do because I crashed my car back in 2009 and injured my back and leg. But luckily I finally found something permanent that's not too strenuous, and the pay's not terrible either

I just need enough to get a place that accepts large dogs and then I can take it from there with the income from my new job

I only need help to get a place as soon as possible so that Jack doesn't freeze, and it's going to take a while to save up enough money to pay for the first months rent, deposit, and pet deposit. And I only worked ~14 hours the first week (I was just training) so my first check is going to be pretty paltry. And time is most definitely an issue. It's October. It's already getting colder.

Please guys. Any amount helps.

My PayPal link is here (message me if it doesn't work. I've never received money through PayPal before, so I'm not exactly sure how this works)

Even if you can't help, please reblog this so others can see it, or maybe tag someone you think can help

I just want my dog back.

(I know this was a really long post, so if you're still here, thank you so much for your time and patience. My thought were a bit scattered, but I organized them as best I could here. So again, thank you)

#help #please #reblog this #I'm trying to get my dog back #i'm sorry

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britesparc · 3 years

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Weekend Top Ten #470

Top Ten Films to Watch on Star on Disney+

We’ve been watching a lot of Disney+ lately. This is partly due to the fact that our family movie nights have become, almost accidentally, a quest to watch every bit of Star Wars content on the service; so far, we’ve watched the entire Skywalker Saga and are now moving onto the spin-off movies. The younglings have become addicted: Daughter #1 is getting stuck into The Clone Wars, whilst Daughter #2 is demanding we jump straight into The Mandalorian. As for the Princess to my Scoundrel, well, she and I have been thoroughly enjoying WandaVision, which by the time you read this, will have finished. Sob! Nothing to do but gird our loins until the arrival of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier in a couple of weeks! At least this excellent TV programme appears to have whetted my wife’s appetite for watching more of the MCU movies. Maybe soon I can make oblique references to Mary Poppins, y’all, and someone else in the house will actually know what the hell I’m on about.

Well it looks as if there’s going to be even more use out of our Disney+ sub as the months roll inexorably on, what with their new Star channel. This is where they’ve shoehorned all the mucky films they bought from the naughty boys and girls at Fox; sweary adult dramas, sexy bits, and scenes of explicit wrist-slapping abound. So now we have this toybox of grown-up content to savour! What to watch? What not to watch? I’ve already started at the most obvious place by diving into some vintage Arnie with Commando, one of the funniest action movies ever made. It did not disappoint.

So where to next? Re-watching semi-forgotten classics, films I’ve not seen in literally decades? Or checking out things that slipped me by (there’s an entire list to be made of “films I read about in Empire in the ‘90s, got really excited about, but never saw”). Do I watch the crappier Die Hard films, or cheesy action movies (er, like Commando, I guess)? Or dive deep into prestige fair? Or just watch Spy Hard for the Weird Al theme tune, practically the only bit of the film I remember? The options are virtually endless.

So that’s what this week’s list is: ten films I intend to watch on Disney+ very flipping soon. Or, y’know, just play Zelda until Falcon starts.

9 to 5 (1980): there was a lot of talk of Dolly around the New Year, and my wife and I even watched a documentary about her. As a result, I had a scoot around to see if it was possible to buy 9 to 5 as a birthday or Valentine’s gift for my better half; it’s a film neither of us have seen in years if not decades, and we’re both big Grace and Frankie fans too. Alas, it’s a difficult film to get a hold of; there doesn’t appear to be a Blu-ray readily available. Praise be, then, that it’s now on Disney+; a terrific comedy film, with a nice bit of feminist bite. I’m not sure if it’ll feel dated or – post-#MeToo – oddly prescient. But I’m really, really looking forward to watching it again.

Crimson Tide (1995): I do love a good tense thriller, and I seem to remember this as being a particularly great tense thriller. This feels like one of those “they don’t make ‘em like this anymore” candidates; a claustrophobic two-hander with no real action, almost a theatrical chamber piece, but made with huge stars and a big-time director (the late, great Tony Scott). I saw it once, on video, when it came out, so it’ll be great to revisit.

The Color of Money (1986): another minor classic that I’ve not seen for decades, and a film I remember even less well than Crimson Tide. It’s cool to revisit (or discover for the first time!) films by great directors, and this is Scorsese we’re talking about. Cruise as a freshly-minted movie star, still taking risks; Newman as a great elder statesman. I’ve genuinely no idea what it’s like, it’s been so long, but I’d love to see it again. Just wish The Hustler was on D+ too!

Quiz Show (1994): I’d mentioned before that there are loads of films from the ‘90s that I read about as an eager young film fan but never saw; this is one of them. An apparently-great drama about corruption at a hugely popular TV show in ‘50s America, with Ralph Fiennes in a very early Hollywood role. I think I’d enjoy it.

Looking for Richard (1996): another of those ‘90s films…! This fascinated me as a teen, and I’d love to see it: a documentary about Richard III, made by Al Pacino, featuring people talking about Shakespeare (got a lot of time for that) and also scenes of the play performed and filmed. It’s a real curio; also weirdly came out around the same time as McKellen’s Richard III. Maybe something was in the water? We’re due another big Rich in my opinion.

Jennifer’s Body (2009): a follow-up from Juno writer Diablo Cody, a horror centred around high school and female sexuality, this has always seemed like it might be a dark, delicious delight; it wasn’t very well received at the time, but has grown in cult status; as has its star, Megan Fox, who I’d argue has not had the easiest time within Hollywood. Anyway, I really like the look of it, and it’ll be cool to check it out.

Tombstone (1993): I love a good Western, and I seem to remember that this is a very good Western. A story of Wyatt Earp that goes beyond the famous gunfight, my memories of this are very vague; I know that there’s a very good Val Kilmer performance as Doc Holliday, and of course Kurt Russell as Earp himself. I might try out that “watch along” feature and watch this, remotely, with my dad.

Romancing the Stone (1984): I probably haven’t seen this since the eighties so I’ve got no idea if it’s really any good, but I do remember enjoying its Indy-inspired adventurism and – in particular – Danny DeVito’s bad guy. Douglas is always great value as a leading man, although from what I’ve since read this is really Kathleen Turner’s show. It’ll be interesting to see if it holds up, but hopefully it’ll be a good stop-gap until they finally get the Indy films up on the service.

Good Morning, Vietnam (1988): another film that I want to revisit, even if I remember it a little better than others on this list. My memory is that it’s utterly fantastic, a really stark look at the realities of Vietnam during the time of the war, and also a phenomenal, very human performance from Williams. Also I remember it being very funny when he does let off some steam (sorry, bit of Commando creeping in there). And really, it’s Williams I want to see again; that earnest, real, pained but beautiful Williams we get in his very best performances. It’s very likely I’ll cry just watching him on screen. God, I miss him.

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016): I needed some crappy sequel to talk about, and here it is. I can’t overstate how much I loved the first Independence Day in ’96, so the (apparent; I’ve not seen it) terribleness of this sequel hit me like a sledgehammer. It can’t be that bad, can it? Is it not at least so-bad-it’s-good? I mean, the trailer made it look atrocious, and it’s killed off Will Smith – the best character! – off-screen, so odds are not good that it’s a hidden gem. But I’ve got to know.

This was actually a pretty tough list, and I had to knock off some films that I’d love to rewatch (Conan the Barbarian, The War of the Roses), as well as stuff like Idiocracy and Office Space that I’ve never seen. Also Kingsman: The Secret Service, which is a fairly recent release that slipped me by, and I’m not sure why I’ve never gotten round to seeing; I blame the kids! Also, there was going to be some xenomorph or xeno-monkey action on here, but frustratingly all the Alien (and Predator!) movies are missing, and the recent Planet of the Apes trilogy – which I’ve also never seen! – is only served by its middle instalment. Yeah, I can watch the seminal ‘60s original again (and I may!) or the indecipherable and strange Tim Burton version, but what about, y’know, the trilogy that everyone raves about? I assume this is due to pre-existing deals keeping the films elsewhere (elusive…), but the sagas of Alien, Predator, and the complete Die Hard package are – I believe – being kept until most profitable (mark my works: Die Hard at Christmas). Anyway, it’s a bit frustrating, that, as I’ve never seen Covenant or The Predator, and I’d love to watch the whole lot from the start anyway.

I guess I can console myself by also watching the one Die Hard film I’ve never seen, namely the critically-acclaimed A Good Day to Die Hard. I mean, I’m assuming it’s critically acclaimed. I guess I’ll find out.

#top ten #movies #disney+#star #films #fox #dolly

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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Oh, the places you’ll go.

Bring it around town Post Office: When’s the last time that you mailed a letter or a package to someone, and who was it to? The last thing I mailed was a birthday card for my Nana back in September.

Library: The last book that you checked out from the library? I haven’t checked out a book from the library since high school.

Veterinarian: What was your pet’s last visit concerning? She was due for her last shots.

Pet Store: Which animals do you tend to go check out first? The doggos.

Drugstore: Last medication or item that you picked out from here? I haven’t been myself in quite awhile, but my mom just picked up my prescriptions last night.

Grocery Store: Do you usually have a big list or a small list when you go? Big if it’s a grocery shopping trip. If it’s just a quick trip to the store in between grocery shopping trips then it’s small.

Church: Do you attend church every Sunday? Do you believe in God? Yes and yes.

Bank: How much was the last check you deposited? How about the last amount that you took out? I don’t even recall the last time I deposited a check. It’s also been awhile since I last withdrew any money.

Hospital: Have you ever been admitted into the emergency room? For what? Yeah, after my accident.

Doctor’s Office: What was the last doctor’s appointment that you had? Which type of a doctor? My pain doctor this past Thursday.

Police Station: Have you ever been arrested before? Ridden in the back of a police car? Nope.

Fire Station: Have you ever been a victim of a house fire? No, thankfully. However, last year we came home one night to fire trucks and our neighbors all standing around because something caught fire in the house next to mine, which is connected, and it was causing heavy smoke that came over to our garage and was coming out the sides. It was really smoky. We literally pulled up to this without having any clue what was going on or the extent of it, but all we thought about was my dog in the house. I was FREAKING out to say the least. My mom jumped out and ran inside and brought her outside first thing. She was really frightened by all the commotion going on outside and apparently our neighbors had been banging on our door for awhile cause they were worried we sleeping and unaware, but she wasn’t physically hurt. Anyway, yeah it was a crazy sight to come home to that’s for sure. Thankfully, neither the neighbor’s house nor ours were on fire. The issue happened in their garage and it was out by the time we got there, it just caused a shit ton of smoke and because our houses are connected it carried over to our side. It’s just wild because we had been out of town that whole day and happened to come home just in time. They were going to knock our door down otherwise.

School: When did you graduate high school? Back in 2008.

Gas Station: How much gas can fit in your gas tank? I don’t have a car or drive.

Mechanics: Does your vehicle break down a lot?

Clothing Store: What’s the last clothing item you bought from a store, and which store was it? Bought some shirts from Boxlunch online.

Bookstore: Do you prefer to get your books new or used? Preferably new, but I don’t mind used unless it’s in like really bad condition and beat up.

Coffee Shop/Cafe: What do you typically order when you go here? Lately it’s been a caramel macchiato with soy, light foam, and extra caramel.

Fast Food Restaurant: What are a few of your favorites? I don’t have a favorite anymore, I just get random cravings for one of them once in awhile.

Sit-Down Restaurant: What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait before being seated? Probably over an hour.

Dentist: Have you ever had a cavity before? How about a root canal? A tooth pulled? Braces? Yes to all but braces.

Movie Theater: Last movie you saw in theaters before the pandemic hit? The Invisible Man.

Art Gallery: Which art forms do you appreciate the most? Literature, music, and cinema.

Zoo: What is your favorite zoo animal that you would like to set free? Giraffes.

Aquarium: Favorite kind of fish? I don’t have one.

Museum: What kinds of artifacts fascinate you? I just find historical artifacts in museums interesting in general. I think about the people who once used those things and what their stories might be.

Amusement Park: Favorite ride to go on? I love most of the rides at Disneyland.

Courthouse: Have you ever gone to court before? Nope.

Hotel/Motel: Where were you, the last time you stayed at a hotel? It was during my Disneyland trip back in February before shit hit the fan and everything changed.

Club: What is the last song that you danced to? I don’t recall.

Bar: What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? None. I don’t drink anymore.

County Jail: Is there anyone that you’ve visited in jail? Yes.

Airport: Are you more likely to fly in an airplane, or pick people up/drop them off at the airport? My mom often has to pickup and drop off our family friend and her son at the airport and I’ve gone with her many times. I’ve only been at the airport for myself a total of 4 times, most recently was back in February for aforementioned Disneyland trip.

Train Station: Have you ever ridden a train before? Nope.

Concert Venue: What’s the last concert you saw? Green Day back in 2009. I’m way overdo for a concert. Who knows when I’ll ever go to one, though.

Sports Arena: Which sporting event would you be most likely to sit through? I don’t want to go or sit through any.

Flower Shop: What’s your favorite kind of flower? I don’t really have one I just usually say roses as my default.

Ice Cream Shop: Favorite flavor of ice cream? Cone or dish? Any sprinkles? Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, or birthday cake. Possibly a “fun” flavor if I go to an actual ice cream shop. I like to get a dish because I take forever to finish my ice cream, so cones end up being too messy and a nuisance. I don’t care for sprinkles, honestly. If I add a topping it’d be syrup or like cookies or M&Ms or something if at an ice cream shop. Speaking of all this ice cream, it’s been like 4 or 5 years I think since I’ve had any. I was never a big ice cream eater, but I liked it now and then. This has been the longest I’ve gone without, though. Haven’t thought much about it until now.

Bakery: Favorite type of baked good to eat? Brownies, cupcakes, donuts, cinnamon rolls.

[bionic-beth]

#personal #text #survey #surveys #places around town

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lifeisbooksandcats · 3 years

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Since posting on tumblr feels like just screaming into the void; where maybe someone might throw a glance your way to see if maybe you’re both screaming about the same thing, but at the end of the day, no one is really paying attention to you..and I feel like that’s what makes me feel like I can post this. Because it’s not something I can say out loud, not really, not yet. Except to my fiancée because it’s something we’ve talking about for a while. This is going to be long, I’m certain of it, and it’s going to be rambley because I’ve been trying to put my thoughts into words and those words into coherent...anythings...and it just isn’t going to be in any sort of order. I’m not expecting anyone to read it and I’m hoping the read more button actually works on mobile. If not, then I’m sorry, you’ll be scrolling for a while.

I don’t know how valid people feel self-diagnosis is, but I honestly feel like I fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. And that’s something I’ve thought about myself since my first year of college. Someone in a communications class I was taking did a presentation on autism, and throughout the entire thing all I could think was how much everything resonated with me. So that’s, since the fall semester of 2009, this has been something I’ve quietly thought about myself and wondered and honestly just been pretty sure of. That’s 12 years this fall, and I still can’t bring myself to say it?? And I think it’s a good bit because I’ve been asked so many times throughout my life if I’m autistic - by family members, by friends, by a college roommate, by people living on the same floor as me at college - and it’s ALWAYS been (or at least felt like to me) in some sort of negative way. And I don’t want to apologize for being myself, but fuck it’s just hard sometimes???

When I walk into a room, especially one I’m not familiar with, my first instinct is to look for the exits and figure out how I can get out of there if it gets too loud/too hectic/too EVERYTHING and I start to panic. And if I’m in a situation where I can’t leave, I have this little clear stone that I play with in my hand, just something to focus on to help keep me just a little bit calmer. When that doesn’t work, it’s like my mind just...goes. I don’t know how to explain it; physically I’m still there, but mentally...even if I wanted to pay attention to something, I literally could not. It happens the most when there’s too many sounds/voices/conversations happening at once, they all blend together, I can’t understand anything and after a second it feel like it’s all just muffled and I’m not there anymore, I feel so disconnected from my body, like there’s someone else controlling my brain and I’m just there watching. It happened at the zoo just recently, when we went into one of the restaurants for lunch. I was already panicked because of the number of people inside without masks on. From the second we walked in, everything from the number of people inside, to the volume, to the lights being too bright (but looking back, I feel like they were probably an appropriate brightness? It just felt too bright with everything else going on), to the lack of masks, everything was too much. My fiancée and I stood in line with one of our friends, waiting to order our food, and I stood there rocking slightly on my ankles and fidgeting with that little stone, just trying so desperately to calm my internal panic and to not “check out” mentally and to just appear “normal”. I stood there waiting for our food, rocking on my ankles, running my thumb along my fingertips, listening to the conversations all around me merging into one unintelligible mess and on the inside, full on panicking while hoping that from the outside, no one could tell. I got our food, set it on the table, and stepped into the bathroom to wash my hands, the quiet welcoming me like nothing else. I closed my eyes and just stood there, breathing, letting the warm water run over my hands like some kind of magic balm bringing me back down. I opened my eyes again, a woman with a toddler smiled at me like she knew - which made me worry again because it’s not something I want people to know because I don’t want to be different, I don’t want anyone to look at me differently. But at the same time, I do. I want to be able to stand up for myself and say “I literally physically cannot go into this loud, crowded restaurant because I’m autistic and it is so auditorily overwhelming in there.” And maybe that wasn’t even what her smile meant. Because I literally never know how people are feeling and I try to figure it out but honestly 90% of the time it’s just guesswork.

But it’s not just that. It’s not just the panic that sets in when it’s too crowded and the sounds are too much. It’s the fact that as a kid, I was never “just” a fan of something I liked. I either didn’t care, or it was an all-consuming obsession that basically became a personality trait. I was a fan of Aaron Carter, but god forbid anyone ask me a question about his music or anything — because whether or not you were interested (and unless you flat out told me you were uninterested, I literally could not tell), I was going to info-dump everything onto you. I could tell you what time he was born, how many minutes were between him and his twin sister, which concerts his sister Leslie sang at (because she also had a small music career), at what point in his career he actually started singing live instead of lip syncing most of the time...

And speaking of info-dumping. If I couldn’t info dump to someone, I would write it. As a child - second, third, fourth grade...- I wrote essays upon essays on things I was interested in just because I could. Just everything I knew on the topic, thrown out into words either handwritten as a younger kid or typed as I got older. When I was in about fifth or sixth grade, when Harry Potter was HUGE and all my friends were also into Harry Potter, I couldn’t tell everything I knew to my friends because they already knew a lot of it...and so as a kid, maybe a fifth grader, I wrote a six (maybe seven?) page essay - single spaced - with everything I knew about the series/the author/everything. Before the last book came out, I filled an entire spiral bound notebook with my theories for how the series would end and WHY I thought what I thought.

My first NOW That’s What I Call Music CD was Now 14. I was in 7th grade and I could tell you exactly what order the songs were in. That was something I did to calm myself down back then; listing the songs on that album over and over and over again, always in the right order.

From about 7th grade until high school graduation, I brought and ate the exact same thing for lunch every single day. I said it was because I liked it, but I really didn’t. I didn’t like the Oscar Mayer precooked bacon that I would put on my BLT. I didn’t like the texture, half the time I couldn’t bring myself to eat it and picked it off my sandwich. But the thought of changing it??? That wasn’t even something I would have considered because somehow in my mind, changing it was worse than eating it. Make that one make sense.

I love routines and schedules and things staying the same, and get annoyingly stressed out when things/my schedule changes. One little change or one little thing out of the ordinary and it’s like I forget how to function for the day. Everything seems off. And I hate it. Because I KNOW that it shouldn’t matter, but it does. Half days and two hour delays at school growing up?? Those stressed the FUCK out of me because the order of the day would be different. I loved school and loved learning, but those days I felt physically ill over the thought of going to school. Field trip days were okay though because I knew they were coming and I had plenty of time to mentally prepare myself. I remember as a child asking my teachers (on multiple occasions) for the itinerary for a field trip so I could memorize it and know exactly what to expect and when for the day.

There are times that my fiancée will turn on the tv for “background noise” while she watches videos on her phone, and I wish I could describe what I mean when I tell her that there’s “too many sounds”. Because between the tv, her phone, the hum of the refrigerator in the other room, the neighbors, cars driving by, the cats playing, the ceiling fan...I don’t know how else to describe it other than exactly that — too many sounds. And it gets to be too much. So I have to put headphones in and listen to music to drown it all out and refocus.

I’ve only just recently been able to put a word to what I now know is poor executive function. As much as I loved school, I could NOT do assignments until the day they were due. I could start on something days before it was due, but I couldn’t work on it. I couldn’t focus on it. I couldn’t get myself to work on it. But the morning it was due??? I could whip up a paper that I knew would earn an A just hours before needing to turn it in. I prided myself on that ability, but looking back it was most definitely poor executive function. If I couldn’t finish something that morning, which was a rare occurrence, I would lie - I’d look “everywhere” for my assignment and “panic” because I “couldn’t find it” and because I was a good student, I got away with it. Every. Single. Time. Even with the hard-ass teachers who no one could get away with things on. And magically by the end of the day, I would swing back by that teacher’s classroom to give them my assignment that I had finally “found”.

I remember sitting on the kitchen floor of our apartment as a kid and tracing my fingers along the lines on the floor where the tiles met. I remember the pattern was brown/white/brown/white, but there was one spot on the floor that made me so irrationally frustrated because two tiles were swapped; instead of the same pattern as the rest of the floor, this one spot was brown/white/white/brown/brown/white. I remember pointing it out and my mom asking me why I had even paid any attention to that. I didn’t know why, I just did. I remember her telling me that it was stupid to let it bother me and to just let it go, but I couldn’t. I stopped mentioning it, but right up until we moved out of that apartment, I couldn’t even look at that spot on the floor without getting frustrated by it. There’s more than that. But that was one of the first things I thought of.

I’ve been watching a lot of Yo Samdy Sam’s videos on YouTube, and especially her videos “Autism symptoms in GIRLS” and “Could YOU be autistic? (and not know)” and I just... I feel that. Everything she says, I feel that. I watch them just thinking “that’s me. That’s me.” the entire time. She mentions sucking on her hair as a kid, and I did that CONSTANTLY. My hair was forever in my mouth. And now that I’m an adult, I don’t suck on my hair, but my sweatshirt strings are always in my mouth. Obviously there’s more than that, but that was one that hit me hard because I didn’t realize that wasn’t just something everyone did as a kid. I didn’t realize not everyone couldn’t stand still and always had to be fidgeting or moving slightly, whether it was rocking on my ankles, running my thumb over my other fingers, crossing and uncrossing my toes inside my shoes. I didn’t realize not everyone had the same shitty executive functioning skills as me.

And it’s like... I’m so sure that’s me. I’m so sure that I am autistic. I know it. But it’s like...is getting a diagnosis at this point in my life going to change anything? I mean no, probably not, other than giving me that validation that I crave. I would feel valid when the world is too much/too big/too loud. I would have a reason for feeling the way I do and doing the things I do. So much of my life would make sense. But. I don’t know. I’m afraid I’ll try to get a diagnosis and have someone, some doctor or therapist or psychologist or someone tell me that I’m not. And then what? Then what is everything I’ve felt throughout my life? That’s what I’m afraid of, really. Because if I’m so sure of this and then some professional says “no that’s not it”, then what?

#personal #just venting I guess #not venting that’s not the right word #just throwing my thoughts on here and trying to make sense of them because it’s my blog and I can #autism #autism in adults #actually autistic

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jessie876125 · 3 years

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Top 10 Critical Mistakes People Make When Leasing A Car

According to examine car's history records, narrow Cheapest bmw lease your choice. This step may be very important. It will help for you to eliminate half of the vehicles from your list with potential crises. Vehicles that been recently flooded or restored after serious accidents, those with rolled back odometers, heavily abused vehicles (e.g., ex-rentals), those with outstanding liens, etc. could be eliminated after simply checking the history record with the vehicle. In fact, around the globe not just a good idea to look into a car until you check its history. There is no offer i know with the pays remaining lease payments for another leasing company or manufacturing plant. So, in other words; If Chrysler can give to be worthwhile Toyota, however usually some more for the story. As a worthy consumer you ought to know the vehicle loan value if in order to just about to avail obtaining loan. 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Then get me to pay back for getting that they had in stock on the lot. Then I'd require to go and play with it. Then negotiate on a cost. Fill out a credit application program. Sign the paperwork on the inside Finance and Insurance health care business. All the while they attempted to trade me additional add-ons towards car--paint protection, under coating, and extended warranty. This statement is just not true. Numerous always ways out of every contract, yet of time they are really unfavourable, knowledge the the very least ,. If you prefer to terminate the lease contract before appeared due, are going to have devote an early-termination fee, that be extremely pricy. What can be car leasing websites out in order software program the early termination on the lease contract, is managed it to another person. Getting the best from choices new car deals critical. 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Some details of the lease contract such as additional monthly charges and mileage may be omitted altogether to make the deal attractive on the fly. 107. car leasing websites Let's imagine you're working to get a seller to name the asking price and he won't. Try this: "How about about $ 1?" At the very least you'll break the ice. At best.he'll name a price finally. Well, I guess at best LITERALLY may be you purchase it for a dollar-- hey, it can happen. Please be aware that I have no issue automobile salesmen. Offer developed a reputation all on their without any help from me; and everybody's gotta make a living. I'm just glad Practical goal selling cars to make mine. Sometimes don't you long for your good days of the past??

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eldritchsurveys · 3 years

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1089.

1 - Aside from the necessities (eating, breathing etc.) what is something you do every single day, without fail? >> Check gmail, tumblr, discord. Do my Flight Rising dailies.

2 - Do you use cash or card the most? Do you find yourself using card or contactless methods more since COVID hit? >> I use card almost exclusively (some of the less technologically up-to-date stalls at the farmer’s market make me run back to the ATM sometimes, but other than that I never carry cash). This was even before COVID, so nothing has changed for me there. 3 - Is there anything you enjoy that’s considered childish for your age? What is it? >> I don’t call anything I enjoy “childish” and I don’t think other people should either.

4 - Who’s your favourite voice actor? What’s the best thing they’ve been in? >> I don’t have one. Keith David has a great voice, though, I do love him. And of course there’s Ron Glass (RIP) :’(

5 - How many times a day do you use the bathroom? >> Like twice, normally. Three or four if I have a lot of beverages.

6 - Do you need caffeine to wake up in the morning? What’s your drink of choice? >> I don’t need anything to wake up in the morning -- sleep is one area I’ve never had serious problems in, and thank god for that, because imagine how much worse my mental health would be if I did...

7 - Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? If you’re an introvert, do you feel like you live in a world built for extroverts? >> I prefer being alone or in very small groups (and infrequently, even then), let’s just put it that way.

8 - What do you do with old clothes you no longer want or need? >> I usually end up throwing them away, unfortunately. I used to give them to Goodwill but then I realised how much of that stuff eventually gets thrown away anyway because it doesn’t get sold and they just get way too much stuff. COVID kind of interrupted this year’s possibilities, but in the future I’m probably going to look up local nonprofit homeless services and see if they need anything I have. 9 - How old were you when you got your first pet (not a family pet, but one that you were solely responsible for)? >> I have never had this particular experience.

10 - What is something popular or fashionable that you consider to be a real waste of money? >> ---

11 - Do you donate to charity? >> No.

12 - Do you live somewhere with lots of livestock or wild animals? >> Livestock, yeah, because there are a lot of farms once you get even a mile or two outside of the city. Not so much wildlife, just your general squirrels and crows and the occasional deer family.

13 - Would you rather live somewhere rural or urban? >> More rural than urban, but not so rural that it’s an all-day affair just to get groceries, you know. Also, I like having the Internet.

14 - Is there anything (a hobby, for example) that’s guaranteed to always make you feel better when you’ve had a bad day? >> Honestly, just... being Inworld. That’s my safe zone. Even if it doesn’t make the bad feelings go away right away (that’s not always possible), it is always at least grounding and comforting to be hugged by Can Calah, or to hear D or Bruni’s voice.

15 - If you’re struggling with your mental health, who are you most likely to open up to, or would you bottle it up instead? >> I bring that stuff Inworld. It’s really difficult to be that vulnerable outworld, although I try to make small forays into vulnerability on places like my blog or certain Discord servers. They’re still small forays, though -- I’m really just testing the waters, not actually swimming like I probably should be if I want to really work at it.

16 - Do you get your five portions of fruits and veggies everyday? >> Not every day, no. I wish it were easier for me to pull that off, but it really is not.

17 - What room of your house do you spend the most time in? Is this through choice or necessity? >> My room, by choice. I like it in here, it’s my space. The first space of my own I’ve had since 2009, which was the only other time I had space of my own (and then I didn’t even enjoy it because I was horribly depressed and isolated and constantly broke).

18 - If you have pets, do you snuggle with them when you’re having a bad time? Does it make you feel better? >> That’s a thing Sparrow does, but it doesn’t do anything for me. Maybe if I had an emotional support dog...

19 - Would you ever sign up to be in the military? What if there was enforced conscription, would you go or would you object? >> Fuck. No. Fuck no. Nope. Fuck no. I’d literally rather commit suicide. Did I make myself clear?

20 - Would you ever want to go to any kind of fitness bootcamp, or does that sound like utter hell to you? >> That does sound like utter hell to me.

21 - What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? What was it that made it so bad? >> ---

22 - If you could design your own garden, what would you have in it? Do you think that dream is ever going to be achievable for you? >> I have always been most interested in the kind of gardening that was just about caring for native plants and helping them to flourish. Learning the complex intricacies of the ecosystem around me and doing my part to preserve it. Like if there needs to be more pollinators, having some hives. Or if there was once a planted lawn on the property I live on, rehabilitating the soil and replacing it with native grasses instead. I would also like to grow herbs and vegetables, and any kind of flower that is native or at least not invasive to this particular environment (especially if it’s yellow! I love all yellow flowers). I imagine it would be perfectly achievable if we ever moved into a house.

23 - Do you believe there’s life on other planets? If so, do you think it’s anything like humanity? >> I think it’s highly probable that there’s life elsewhere, but highly improbable that it’d be like humanity. But maybe like other life on this planet, particularly microbes, sure.

24 - Does it take you a long time to fall asleep at night? What do you if you’re really struggling to get to sleep? >> No, I usually fall asleep within a half-hour of laying down, as long as I’m not doing anything brain-intensive.

25 - if you drive, how many times a week do you have to fill up your car with fuel? If you don’t drive, how much do you spend a week on travel/transport? >> I don’t go anywhere, period. When I used to go places (pre-COVID), I probably spent about $30 a month tops on public transportation. Usually more like $15.

26 - What did you get the last time you went out for fast food? >> The last fast food we had was Steak and Shake, but through DoorDash. I got the jalapeño crunch burger, like I used to, but I won’t be ordering burgers anymore because I think my GI tract is over red meat (or, at least, the highly processed variety).

27 - Do you tend to snack when you’re watching TV or sitting at the computer? What’s your favourite thing to snack on? >> I like to watch something while I’m eating a meal, but I don’t really snack for the sake of snacking or anything. I just plan the two things to happen at the same time whenever I can.

28 - When was the last time you went to a zoo or wildlife park type place? >> Uh... Labor Day last year? I think?

29 - Do you think it’s cruel when people keep exotic animals as pets? Or do you think it’s okay as long as they have the space, time and money to dedicate to them? >> I do think it’s cruel. I don’t see how any sort of condition could be okay for this, no matter how hard you try. Just... go on a safari. Watch a nature documentary. Why do you have to keep wild animals in your house? Domesticated dogs and cats and lizards and shit are literally right there (and a lot of them are in shelters, just waiting for a dedicated caregiver!).

30 - If you eat meat, is there a particular animal you’d never eat? If you don’t eat meat, what’s the reason for it? >> I don’t eat a lot of meat because I don’t really crave it. Like, it doesn’t strike me as necessary for a meal, probably because I was raised not eating it. I eat chicken most often because Sparrow makes a lot of meals that include it (and fried chicken sandwiches are my kryptonite). My preference for meat-eating is to eat from local sources that employ sustainable, ecologically-informed farming practices -- but, you know. I also live in America, as well as below the poverty line for a two-person household, so this stuff is difficult. It’s often easier (and insanely cheaper) to just not eat meat at all, which may be partly how that became such a big fad.

#surveys #survey #random surveys #not for reblogging *glare*

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annakie · 4 years

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An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Seven

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Wherein we... talk to the crew. I didn’t quite make it off the ship.

Still, a lot of words.

Aka the nearly All-Gif update.

Didn’t get a chance to play ME at all this week, so I’m going to spend a few hours this weekend (double-checking to make sure screenshotting works :p) and have some real updates later.

So making it back to the ship from Therum, it’s time to talk to the crew. I maybe could have gone and talked to them after getting on the ship after the Citadel, but they don’t really have any unique lines then so, I usually wait til now to go chat.

First, let’s talk to Liara.

The thing that sucks about talking to Liara (or Kaidan, or Ashley, if you don’t want to romance them) is, you know, the accidental romance. Making “picking the Paragon-place choices = romance by default with NO WARNING” design was very Not Good. They fixed this in later games, well moreso in Dragon Age games than ME, (and Andromeda is done very well for this) but still. In ME3, the BackOff mod does a great job of making romance dialog more obvious and intentional.

Liara’s dialog choices I feel like are even LESS obviously flirting I feel like than Ash and Kaidan’s. Honestly with Liara’s most of the lines can be read and even said aloud as friendship then BOOM, all of a sudden she wants a threesome. I choose middle dialog options whenever possible with Liara just to avoid this. I’m not interested, never have been, don’t want Kaidan to think he has any competition. But seriously, it’s poor game design here that you literally have to be a jerk to a companion at some points to avoid having them think you want to bang. God, half of the reason I’d love a remaster would be to hopefully fix shit like this to avoid some of the pitfalls.

I hate that some people use this as a reason to dislike these characters more. And I’ll admit, in my early days as a ME fan, I held it against Liara, too, until I realized how dumb that is. I especially hate it when you get to the “confrontation scene” and people use Kaidan not wanting to be in a threesome as a reason to dislike him more? It’s not a bad thing to want to be monogamous? (And of course, it’s not a bad thing to NOT want to be, assuming everyone is open and OK about it.)

I just prefer to not get that scene at all now, and to avoid “leading anyone on” accidentally etc. My Shepard knows early on what she wants, and sticks with him all the way through.

I was going to talk more here about my feelings about Liara in general but uh, I guess I’ll do that later. This is already really long.

Here’s a great post about how to avoid romancing Kaidan while being rude as little as possible to him.

Well since he’s right outside the medbay anyway, let’s go talk to the LT.

Have I mentioned how much I hate the orange glow?

So anyway, I thought maybe I’d talk here a little bit about Why Kaidan?

I will point out here that I am mostly a hetero woman, so my choices in video game romances lean towards men first, though I’m also very cool with doing non-m/f romances in games, and often do on subsequent playthroughs of games I love, but that’s almost never gonna be my primary romance.

I’d already mentioned my love for Carth Onasi, one of the most hated companions in video games, If You’re A Guy.

By today’s standards, even the Carth romance isn’t that great. But at the time, it was the greatest romance I’d experienced in video games. There were a few others that were really good -- Valen Shadowbreath in Neverwinter Nights: Horde of the Underdark was the other really great one, but we also got nightmare fuel like Anomen in Baldur’s Gate (though that gets better with mods + the final BG expansion) or just under-written characters or romances like Casavir in NWN2 (who was much better with mods) or hell, either of your choices in KotOR2 imho. But I used to play KotOR over and over for many reasons, such as holy shit a Star Wars game(!!) and one where you can actually be a female main character AND has that great Bioware storytelling... but a big reason was Carth.

A funny thing about Carth Onasi... if you play a male main character, you have a very different experience with Carth than if you play a woman. And even I can agree that hoo boy Carth gets tiresome quick if you play a male, as a female you at least get to flirt and that calms him down and evens him out a lot. But the one time I tried playing as a male, I didn’t make it off Taris because.. yeouch I could actually see what the guys playing were so mad about.

But hey, that voice. Raphael Sbarge, I love that voice. So like I said early on in these posts, I immediately knew I was going to romance Kaidan the very second I confirmed he was romancable, before I even ran back into the ship and met anyone on the crew aside from Joker and Kaidan.

And... that only got confirmed more and more as I went through ME for the first time. The character is smart, and capable, and respected you, and never questioned your command, but made his feelings pretty clear along the way. He could be a little doofy but in an adorable way with some of the things he said, honestly there was almost never anything I didn’t love about this character.

I realized some time ago that I have a thing for the Paladin archetype personally.

This is Casavir, from Neverwinter Nights 2, and in NWN2, there are two romance options for women. An under-written Lawful Good Paladin in his late 30′s who is willing to buck his superiors to do what he thinks is right but also places you on a pedestal and holds back all his emotions. He’s a romance option. Or....

Bishop, a chaotic evil ranger who insults you a lot, threatens to rape an NPC under your protection, and ultimately betrays you.

Most people who played NWN2 seemed to prefer the CE Ranger. I loved the paladin so much I wrote fix-it fic that I never have gotten around to publishing anywhere to retcon his terrible dumb ending.

There’s a fan-made romance mod that helps with the romances in this game, though I dislike a lot of what they did, ultimately I always use it.

In Dragon Age?

Ah yeah, the Templar-Warden. Love him. He does have that “Oh I’m so young and experienced tee-hee” thing going on that isn’t my favorite, (at this point mostly because I’m actually in my mid-40′s so uh, I’m just Old) but otherwise, yeah, love Alistair.

Dragon Age 2, I mean I usually romance Anders but... I’m not real excited about either him or Fenris, or even either of the ladies, though I have done Isabella’s romance (as well as Fenris’) and enjoyed it. I’d probably romance Avaline (or Varric!), if she were an option. But yeah, Anders mostly because he IS trying to do what’s right, even if he... well. You know.

But Dragon Age Inquisition?

Give me that Blackwall-angst. That stoic guy trying to be a Warden who comes undone for you. You’d think I’d go for Cullen, but hey this game gave us two paladin archetypes, though one is merely pretending, he still atones and becomes what he was trying to be, one way or another, if you let him. I picked this paladin archtype first because I did not like Cullen based on interactions with him in DA1 & 2. I like him well enough in DA:I but Blackwall is my guy here.

Out of all the many, many companions in SWTOR, who’s my fave?

If Aric Jorgan isn’t a Paladin-type I don’t know who is, especially since any romanceable Jedi are uh, all your female padawans (don’t get me started) until Lana (also female) comes along.

Hell, in a very long-running 4e D&D game I played from around 2009 to 2014 where my character fell in love with our party leader’s son, married him and fought the final boss 4 months pregnant with our twins. That character’s husband... was a paladin. I mean look at this art my friend picked out for his character’s son:

I mean dang, who (of those who are attracted to men of this type) wouldn’t?

I always pick the Paladin. The guy who is gonna Do What’s Right no matter what it costs him, the guy who’s gonna be loyal, the guy who may bottle up his emotions or keep them under control all the time but ultimately does what it takes to get the girl... that’s my fave. And that’s Kaidan.

I will also say my second fave archetype is rogue-with-a-heart-of-gold, and that’s more of a Garrus or Varric (if only he were a choice!!! :( ) type.. aka my second choice in these games.

Well that was a lot more words on that subject than I meant to do, so I’m going to just say real quick here that what I love about this first conversation with Kaidan is that he’s already no dummy, he knows something is up, and warns you about it.

We’ll save talk about his backstory for another day.

Let’s head downstairs.

Yay for sped-up elevators! What used to take like 20 seconds now takes like, four.

URDNOT WREX.

This another place where Shepard starts out just sticking their foot in their mouths completely. I feel like this is something the game definitely has problems with here. Shepard should know a lot more about the Genophage, like they should have about say, Spectres, even if the player doesn’t. So basically every response you can give to Wrex about the genophage and what his people are going through sounds really insensitive. Comparing the relatively minor First Contact War with the entire galaxy more or less uniting to keep the Krogan from taking over after the Rachni war seems pretty dumb, and also like something Shepard should already know.

Loredumping on the Krogans a bunch with Wrex is necessary, but I think it could have been done better. Though I think there are a lot of questions about the Krogan and the Genophage that ultimately are important but go unanswered. I’m going to be honest, because generally I want my companions to be happy and ultimately I want the happiest ending I can get, I usually cure the genophage and leave Wrex in charge. But also I don’t think that ends up with the happiest ending for the galaxy. Everything about the genophage is terrible, how it works, how it was administered, what it’s done to the Krogan as a people, but let’s be honest, the galaxy will also be in huge trouble just from a resources perspective if each krogan woman can have hundreds (or even just dozens) of babies a year, who are gonna all live a thousand years. There’s got to be a compromise that, eventually, hopefully Wrex works out if he’s alive at the end of ME3 or the council figures out with Wreav or whoever.

It is kinda funny though that here, I basically met Wrex at C-Sec, told him I’d help him with Fist, sent him to my ship, and basically just kidnapped him to go help with the rest of the mission. He wanted to be here, right? I can only assume I’m paying him a lot.

Ashley!

I do love Ashley Williams.

I’m not going to turn this into a “Is Ashley Racist” thinkpiece. I’ve read a lot of both sides of this argument and no, I don’t think she is. Some pieces of her attitude do need to be kicked up a bit, for sure. She’s got about the same issues with aliens as most of the species of the galaxy have with each other, which sometimes isn’t great, but she’s far from supporting Terra Firma.

She’s smart, she’s funny, a hell of a shot, she’s being held back due to her family name. I would love for if someday a Wilshenko OT3 were possible. I’d do that in an instant. I despise the fact that you can only keep Kaidan forever if you lose Ashley forever, though I don’t see that changing even in a remaster. Please Bioware, for the super ultra remaster?

I know I need to do another run through the game with Ashley alive. I don’t remember too much of what happens in ME3 when she’s there.

I also love that her story is so much one of family. From her stories of her sisters, to the point that it’s her own grandfather’s legacy that’s holding her back. She’s so grounded, she reminds us that there are civilians out there we’re keeping safe, a whole world we rarely see, up in space and in the middle of so much military conflict.

GARRUS.

First of all, whew Garrus looks amazing in the lighting and with the textures with ALOT/MEUITM. Very handsome.

Interestingly, Garrus does not really loredump on the turians. We absorb a lot of what we find out about the turians more naturally. Garrus is more all about C-Sec and the general politics of the Council, of Spectres, of C-Sec. Gonna be honest, I expected C-sec to play into the game as a whole a lot more than it did based on Garrus’ talks about it. I mean it was always there, but Bailey ends up being the face of C-Sec

Garrus’ Law vs. I Do What I Want attitude is a nice way to do a non-goody-two-shoes companion story without having to go evil. I love that Garrus’ story kinda mirrors our own as players, how are we going to get things done? Shove a blaster in people’s faces, accept collateral damage, and do whatever it takes to get it done? OR play by the rules, compromise, and see if that fixes things.

The thing is though, Mass Effect actually is great at giving us the illusion of choice without making a huge difference in the end. Like I mentioned before... not bringing Garrus to ME1 makes little difference in how he acts in ME2 outside of a few lines of dialog. Lots of things are like that, like pick Ash or Kaidan on Virmire, and yes one is always gone, but 80% of the content is basically the same from there on out for either character.

There are games out now that do that choice better. Pathfinder: Kingmaker is one I can think of. Or Tyranny. Things you choose can alter the endings of those games drastically, locking entire paths out of the game.

I used to think that was what I wanted. Until I played Kingmaker and locked myself out of things I really wanted without realizing it. I stopped playing the game, sad that my LI dumped me and wouldn’t come back without reloading many, many hours worth of game. Despite enjoying the game overall, I still haven’t gone back. When I do play again, I’ll probably keep a lot of tabs open of walkthroughs and tips on how to keep things going how I want. Kind of defeating the purpose of the game.

Anyway, I got super off track again. The point is, Garrus is the companion that gives us the most Choice in who he is. Which is cool. He illustrates our Paragon vs Renegade dilemma. And it’s neat that it does make changes in some of the things he says in the future, but overall, his story doesn’t change much no matter what you do (Unless you, ya know, get him killed in ME2).

And therein lies a problem with Mass Effect, and video games as a whole. It’s neat to see the little changes, but it’s rare for anything to be an actual Big Change, because... that’s a loooot of work for a developer and how much more money is all that going to cost him.

At some point in the future I’ll point out how lucky we are for what we did get, though.

Heeeey it’s Chief Engineer Greg Adams! I wonder how many people don’t even know he has a first name? Anyway, thank you for your one short conversation in which you explain how the Normandy works (honestly, great job with explaining this, Bioware, even if the science is ???) and like three sentences on who you are. Wasted opportunity to give you an actual character. Glad you like Tali, though! See you in ME3.

TALI!

Okay, I will totally accept that Shepard doesn’t know much past the basics of quarian society. That makes a lot more sense than Shepards not knowing much about asari.

The quarians are so much more of an original creation I feel like than a lot of what we’ve seen in the galaxy so far. Krogan? Basically Klingons. Turians? Space Romans. Asari? Twilek/Space Elves but ALL Hot Ladies. Qarians feel like something new though.

I mean, I guess before they had to live in suits they were pretty normal, but their entire culture doesn’t feel like something we’ve seen everyplace before. I mean I’ve seen space (g-slur) but, eh not really.

And Tali herself is such a good character. I mean, she does suffer a little from being Very Important with her father being one of five admirals in a population of six million people but, I’ll allow it. Nobody else on the crew has Very Important Parents. I mean Garrus’ father is a little high up in the ranks but that’s a non-factor, Ash’s grandfather was but he’s dead and never seen, Wrex’s father is a chieftan but none of those is central to their current story or as big as this one. I mean, Spacer Shep’s own mother is a captain of a ship. Tali herself in-game isn’t that sexualized -- most of that was the fandom’s doing. She’s young but also confident and has her shit together.

She shoulda been a same-sex romance in ME2/3 though, damnit!

Joker. Is. Amazing. And uh, also shoulda been a romance option.

Hey first of all, how great was it that they put in disabled representation in this game. I have read a few posts on how it could have been better, and definitely agree, but it’s also been so important to have say, Geordi LaForge as chief engineer of the Enterprise and also Joker here, in space, being awesome on spaceships. And he really earns his the right to his bravado in calling himself the best pilot in the galaxy.

Also? Casting Seth Green was such a great choice. I couldn’t imagine Joker as anyone else. I mean this is Bioware so we expect, and definitely got, great voice acting (except for... ugh you know, we’ll get there in ME3) but honestly Seth Green was a particularly good choice. I don’t care that he’s covered with sixteen layers of plot armor, he deserves it.

He’s the companion that we don’t ever get to take in the squad. (I mean, except for that brief amazing moment in ME2)

I only wish in ME1 he had as much to say as in ME2/3. At least he gets cool snarky lines after all the major missions.

One last thing before we get off the ship for awhile, I love that the crew is actually comprised of both men AND women in ME1. With different hairstyles and faces, and even skin tones. It’s nice to see they didn’t just reuse the same guy over and over for the nameless NPCs.

Well, I guess they get names in ME2. :v

Anyway, I would like to point out, that there are seventeen nameless NPCs on the Normandy.

Then there’s Adams, Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Ashley, Kaidan, Chakwas, Liara, Pressley, and Joker.

That’s twenty-seven people and eight sleep pods. Let’s remove the aliens, who couldn’t fit in a sleep pod (Garrus and Wrex), twenty-five people. Are there people sleeping in the sleep pods now? There must be, right? Everyone can’t be awake when we’re on the ship just because we’re there? How does that math add up? Who is sleeping where, HOW DOES IT WORK!?

Well, that’s their problem. I got my own bed. Kaidan can share.

Also just... don’t get me started on how stupid this is. I mean it’s nice having a shop on the ship but... the justification is terrible. We all know it. He was counted as one of the 17 nameless, btw.

Okay well, I was going to get off the ship this update but this is already stupid long and honestly I don’t have too much more content to post so, I’m gonna go actually play this game!

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #garrus vakarian #urdnot wrex #liara t'soni #tali'zorah #ashley williams #jeff joker moreau #joker #annakie's mass effect stuff

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luobingmeis · 5 years

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share your mama thoughts!!!! (if you would like to)

you’re gonna look at these and, within 2.5 seconds, say “wow jords the self-projection is strong tn”

or more so “wow jords we really see the dynamics that u yearn for and yet cannot find so u project them onto fictional characters who u look up to in a way u can’t quite understand”

post-writing notes: this got way longer than i expected (the jords ohsweetflips story), so this is going under the cut, but enjoy my huge mama backstory headcanons!!!

first things first, i hc mama as a lesbian, bc i am a lesbian, and i feel very attached to mama, so i hc her as a lesbian (but also i believe that anyone can hc her to be anything that they damn well please)

and, forgive me, i don’t know shit abt west virginian geography, but i think she grew up in a town like aubrey’s? like i know we didn’t get a lot of description of aubrey’s younger life outside her home, but i kinda see mama as having this “old money” type homelife

and bc i, jords ohsweetflips, wish i had a group of lesbian friends so that i could’ve had some guidance in my teen years, i hc that, in her town, she found her way into the small yet secure lesbian “scene” that was just a couple girls around her age (i see her as 15 at this time, with others ranging 15-18) along with a couple who were, like, 19/20

and tbh, just the vibe i get from mama and how she seems much more inclined towards found family than blood relatives, i don’t think she had the nicest folks so, when she came out, that was it, you know?

and tbh i completely see mama (well, madeline at this point) as someone who is very like “i don’t need help, i can do things on my own,” even as a young teen, so i think for, like, a week or two, she did the whole “on her own” things

but bc her friends were absolute angels, and also found out that she had been essentially homeless, two of the girls who are 19 and 20 and have an apartment are like “fuck no, you’re staying with us”

and madeline is at first like “no, really, i’m fine” but the thought of an actually loving home is too tempting to ignore

so from the ages of 15 to 18, she lives with her friends!!! she was fairly good at art at this point so she was able to get some in to the local galleries and shops and make some money off of it, and then when she was around 17, her friends were able to get her a job bussing at the bar they worked in

she also liked to whittle a lot!!! she made a lot of ducks

she was 18 when she decided to move out, and that’s when she heard of kepler. or, more so, she heard of it from another one of her friends who dubbed it as “a place fit for you, mads”

so she managed to save up enough money for an apartment and she moved out of her hometown and absolutely the friends she lived with cried their eyes out when they were helping her move in and tbh even madeline got a bit teary eyed bc they were like family, you know?

and so basically, from the ages of 18-24, she lived in kepler and got her bearings and this was when she started to get really into wood carving!!! she was able to get some pieces out there and get some recognition and, by her mid20s, she was actually making decent money, or at least enough to not be living paycheck to paycheck

in this phase of living in kepler, i think she was in a very “people knew her but she didn’t know them that well” just bc i don’t see her as the type of person to be a “social butterfly”? i think she mostly, tho, became friendly with the man who ran kepler’s local coffee shop, and the wives who owned the little dipper back before it was the hornet’s nest. she’s also def met leo and thacker, but only in passing, mostly. i think, once she got closer to her late 20s/early 30s, she would have heard of duck and juno but, in her being 18-24, they were probably still kids/young teenagers.

WAIT I CAN’T FORGET 1980S MAMA AESTHETIC: whole lot of jackets. she did a lot of thrift shopping so she has so many huge jackets. lot of denim. and leather. work boots. flannel. patches. are you picking up on the self projection yet.

and then, in november of 1988, when she was 24, the gate went up. she encountered her first abomination by accident. she had been out in the woods, just trekking back to her apartment and deciding to take the scenic route, when all of a sudden.... one of the smaller trees started moving? and she was like “well that’s not what trees do” and then she saw that the tree had a jagged mouth dripping with sap and branches acting like long, clawed hands, and she was like “well that ain’t no normal tree”

i don’t have my Big Brave Madeline “Mama” Cobb Origin Battle Story yet but she definitely just chopped the shit out of the tree and it managed to work

i think it would be Very Funny if, very shortly after that, her first sylph was barclay. like, i have a feeling that age works a bit different for sylphs, and honestly i have no clue where they would get the disguises from? maybe heathcliff? but the thought of madeline running into Literal Bigfoot and barclay, maybe like 20yo in sylph age, being like “WAIT DON’T KILL ME” bc this young woman already looks ready for leather is very entertaining

and that’s when mama learns abt the sylphs, and how they’re not abominations, and barclay shows her the gate

and also yes barclay absolutely stays in her apartment except he is So Hidden bc imagine the chaos of Literal Bigfoot being in her apartment! hysterical!

but, soon, mama crosses over into sylvain and figures out Everything that has gone on and knows abt the crystal shattering and the wars and she realizes that there have been sylphs exiled to earth and she’s like “well that ain’t gonna fly”

so she starts the pineguard and, for that first year, it’s mostly just her? and, at that point, it’s harder to locate sylphs, so she only has barclay and one or two others staying with her and it’s cramped but they’re safe so she’s happy

she meets thacker around... april 1989, i think? i know it was spring. so he helps out, and then they recruit another guy, mike (canonically mentioned in the water arc), and a couple others, and, suddenly, the pineguard is turning into an actual thing

and then, one of the ski lodges up on topside closes, now leaving a completely empty inn just... taking up space...... and it’s only a half mile from the gate........... and she has been making a decent amount of money from her sculptures

before the end of 1989, amnesty lodge is set up and running and, all of a sudden, it’s like she has another real home again. she loves the sylphs she meets and they can be safe with her!!

thacker absolutely has a bunch of “home videos” where, really, he’s just messing around with madeline. it’s almost like a “madeline cobb nature documentary” as she finishes up the lodge and treks through the woods. there’s also some of barclay and moira, and other pineguard members, and other sylphs that show up. he also has his journals and pictures and other books and, at one point, the cellar looks like thacker’s library

also the ballad of bigfoot is absolutely canonical and, after stephanie & griffin & C.M. leave the lodge, thacker has never seen madeline go off like she did on barclay that night. barclay still has some residual fear for hearing mama (who’s a big woman but he is Big Foot so he is definitely just Big) scream up at him “I WILL PUT YOU BACK IN THE WOODS WHERE I FOUND YOU, DON’T YOU TEST ME, BARCLAY”

even tho the two of them don’t talk abt it much, and might not even realize it that early on (picturing like late 20s/early 30s), thacker and mama really are best friends and, tbh, every sylph can see it in the way they bicker yet unconditionally care for each other

madeline almost kicked thacker out of the pineguard when she first found out what he put in his gorp

dani showed up in 2009 and, at the age of 12, she was the youngest sylph amnesty lodge had by a fucking landslide, and that made madeline so angry yet so sad bc this child had been exiled from her home and that was just a thing that could happen

(madeline never got along too well with woodbridge but, after that, knowing that he is the one in charge of the exiles, she could never even be civil with him)

she was immediately protective of dani and was ready to really step in as a parental figure bc she wasn’t abt to let this young girl be without guidance

and she gave dani handmedowns and took her shopping and would make sure that she felt safe and comfortable bc, really, she was the only sylph in the lodge who wasn’t an adult. and, fortunately, barclay was basically an older brother to her and moira looked out for her and i think dani coming into the lodge was what really gave everyone a very big reality check bc, like. she’s a kid

(is it obvious that i’m a bit attached to mama and dani)

and so it should come as no shock that, within a year of dani being in amnesty lodge, madeline became “mama”

and then, in 2011, jake, age 16, showed up, and by then mama was like “alright time to adopt him”

but also, real talk, mama looks out for all her sylphs so much, she’d lay down her life for any of them

when thacker leaves in 2013, she’s at first okay, doing just fine. he promised that he would come back, and she has faith in him. and then months pass. and then a year. and then two. and, all of a sudden, it’s the spring of 2016 and kepler expeditions is officially shut down and mama realizes just how much she misses her best friend.

and, not to mention, the waning of the pineguard.

by the time it gets to the summer of 2018, it’s just her and barclay, the both of them hoping things stay the same, but hope hasn’t gotten them too far

and then they have a fire magician, and a forest ranger with a talking sword, and ned fucking chicane

and now we have reached canon!!! thank u for coming to my ted talk!!!!

also tho, post-finale during the big reunion, thacker is just talking with aubrey and all of a sudden is like “holy shit, you really are like her, aren’t you?” and aubrey is just like “???” and thacker says, “don’t go tellin’ her, because she’ll kick my ass, but talkin’ to you is just like talkin’ to maddie when she was your age” and aubrey is a bit :’)

#taz amnesty #taz mama #madeline cobb #mama #headcanons #answered #the-ipre

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tlbodine · 4 years

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1970s: Exploitation Horror

The 1970s were a strange period in history, and that oddness shows through in the horror of the time. The decade is a grab-bag of content, featuring the rise of some of the best-known tropes and landmark films of the genre, but also some really baffling, awful movies.

We decided to launch our journey through the decade by getting one of its most unnerving trends checked off the list early: the exploitation film.

The death knell of the Hays Production Code and the moral gatekeeping by the 1960s left a period of cinematic anarchy. The MPAA would take a bit to solidify our modern rating system and lay out the rules for film content, so for a while the only real limitation on movie content was what a movie theater would play. These decisions came on a case-by-case basis, and so-called “grindhouse” theaters capitalized on it by offering the kind of shocking, low-brow, vulgar or otherwise unpalatable content other theaters wouldn’t touch.

Thus, “exploitation” films were all about exploiting the tumultuous times in cinema.

One popular genre to crop up in this setting was the rape-revenge movie. The basic formula: a woman is raped, left for dead, and returns to wreak bloody vengeance on her attacker(s). The plot provides an excuse to show both graphic sex and violence, which is like a 2-for-1 exploitation buffet and also incidentally the theme of this week’s film series.

Analysis below the cut!

First up: I Spit On Your Grave

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This 1974 film, written and directed by Meir Zarchi, is probably the best-known and possibly best-made of the rape-revenge movies of the era. It’s also incredibly hard to watch.

The story is straightforward. Jennifer, a female author, moves to a remote summer home to work on her novel. There she attracts the attention of a group of men, including one mentally challenged delivery boy named Matthew. Matthew’s friends are assholes, and they goad him about the “crush” he has on this fancy city woman, and decide it would be entertaining for him to lose his virginity to her. So they, uh, harass her, physically assault her, and take turns raping her before leaving Matthew to kill her (he doesn’t, and lies to his friends about it, leaving her beaten but alive and thus able to exact revenge).

There are several things about this movie that are noteworthy:

It portrays the rape in the least-sexy, least-romanticized way imaginable. It is not titillating or exciting in any way. The rape sequence lasts for 30 minutes of film time, and they are excruciating to watch. There is no soundtrack, so you have only the flat silence punctuated by screams, grunts, and scant dialogue. The camera is often stationary, focused on the scene as an objective viewer rather than spending a lot of time cutting and zooming -- putting the audience in the role of helpless witness.

The character of Matthew is interesting and, honestly, sympathetic. It’s pretty clear that he has the intellect of a child, and he has no real idea of what’s really going on. He’s goaded and pressured into participating, and he’s reluctant and tries several times to stop and escape. In a way, he’s a victim almost as much as Jennifer.

The second half of the film is pure revenge fantasy. Jennifer is transformed. She is suddenly cool, calculating, physically capable, and able to deliver cutting one-liners. The villains, never the sharpest tools in the shed, transform into unbelievably stupid caricatures capable only of thinking with their dicks. Jennifer systematically seduces and murders them in increasingly violent ways.

It’s probable that the film’s events are meant to be taken at face value, but I think a more interesting read on the story is that the second half -- the revenge portion -- is literally a fantasy. After the attack, we see Jennifer spend some time recovering physically, then piecing together the torn pages of her manuscript before sitting down to write. Perhaps, then, the revenge is happening on the page rather than in reality. Perhaps she has put together the pieces of her life and rewritten her narrative such that she can take control of her sexuality and work through her anger and grief and pain.

Maybe it’s just the writer in me, but I think that’s a cool interpretation and one that makes a lot of sense in context.

Either way: I Spit On Your Grave is an uncomfortable but well-made film that’s worth talking about. There’s a lot of controversy surrounding it even to this day (and it was a box office disaster, grindhouse or no), but I think on the balance it’s ultimately a feminist film, or at least a sympathetic one.

Note: There was a remake and multiple sequels released in the 2010s. I haven’t seen any of them, but my understanding is they’re more over-the-top violent and sensationalized, and I can’t help but suspect that cheapens the brutal elegance of the original. If you’ve seen them, feel free to weigh in!

The second film of the night was The Last House on the Left.

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Wes Craven’s directorial debut, The Last House on the Left (1972) tells the story of two teenage girls who run afoul of a gang of psychotic thugs who kidnap, torture, rape, and eventually murder them. The thugs then end up coincidentally at the house of one victim’s parents, who exact their revenge after discovering their daughter’s body dumped in the woods nearby and put two and two together.

All I can say is: What the fuck did I just watch.

I’d never seen this movie, although I was familiar with it by reputation. It’s famous, and I heard good things about its 2009 remake. What nobody thought to warn me about is the goddamn soundtrack.

I can respect the artistic technique of pairing graphic violence with tonally inconsistent music as a way to create dissonance and cause audience discomfort. But that’s not the effect this had. This had the effect of causing me to burst out into laughter at the absolute absurdity. There is synth keyboard. There is banjo. Snare drum. A fucking kazoo. And it’s relentless, showing up to hammer you over the head and also drown out everything else that’s happening in the movie.

Like, at one point, I seriously considered muting the damn movie so I could at least try to concentrate on the story because the music is so distracting and undercuts the tension at every possible moment.

Music aside (and boy do I wish the music had been an aside), the film just...wasn’t great. The violence is comparably tame and lacks the visceral discomfort of I Spit On Your Grave. The villainous gang members are pretty much flat characters who seem like a bad parody of Sopranos extras. Even the parental revenge is bizarrely absurd, with the father opting to booby-trap the house in a Home Alone-esque fashion despite literally owning a shotgun and literally using the shotgun to threaten the bad guys. At least in the remake a guy’s head gets exploded in a microwave! No such fun here.

Oh. And do we need to talk about the two bumbling police officers who end up running around town in a long-running slapstick gag? At one point their squad car runs out of gas because one of them is too stupid to fill up the tank, so they have to waddle around on foot and hitch a ride on the roof of a car loaded up with chickens. For. Some reason.

Honestly, this movie was a disaster, and I’m honestly amazed that Wes Craven managed to make more movies afterward (and I’m glad he did, because they are much better than this). Sweet lord.

I give you permission to skip this one. As far as I’m concerned it’s irredeemable.

As a note, the movie is apparently a (very) loose adaptation/inspired by Ingmar Bergman’s The Virgin Spring, which was itself adapted from a 13th century Swedish ballad. Go figure. I don’t think I’ve seen it (although I may have watched a part of it in a college film class, because it does seem familiar) but I feel pretty confident that it’s a better movie so...watch that instead, probably.

Or, if you can stomach it, check out one of the other many...many...rape/revenge stories from the 1970s and beyond: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_and_revenge_film

#rape #tw: rape #horror movies #horror movies by the decade #horror through the decades #i spit on your grave #last house on the left

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faequeentitania · 4 years

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TROS

I don't think I ever talked about this since I've kind of drifted away from the thick of things this past year, but TROS is everything I feared about JJ taking the final chapter. I'll give him this: the dude can set things up—I still love TFA, I think that they hit a good balance with that movie as far as introducing new characters and reacquainting us with the SW universe, catching us up on the time we've been away and how things changed after the events of ROTJ, with just the right amount of callback to the OT. But when it comes to anything beyond that: he cannot. stick. the landing. Star Trek is a prime example of another franchise he breathed new life into (yes! I LOVE the 2009 reboot! It's literally what turned me into a ST fan!) but he crashed and burned with the second movie he tackled, and Star Trek: Into Darkness committed the same cardinal sin that TROS did; leaning WAY too hard on nodding and winking references to TOS while a) not actually doing anything good with the "reimaged" plot and b) the stuff they DID "change up" was bad and/or meaningless.

Not only that, but he has a HISTORY of lying to his audiences; he did it with LOST ("it's totally not purgatory you guys!!"), he did it with Star Trek ("What! No, Benedict Cumberbatch isn't Khan! HE'S DEFINITELY NOT KHAN YOU GUYS."), so the fact that he lied to our faces about the hopeful ending of this movie, he lied about not retconning TLJ, he lied about his use of Rose in the film—it's not surprising to me but it's still fucking infuriating and I hate him for it.

So my expectations for this film were already pretty low. Then the first trailer with Palps dropped, and my expectations sank even further; I don't believe for a NANOSECOND that "he was the endgame all along!" Bullshit. Utter and complete bullshit. He was a last minute scramble to replace Snoke, and nothing in the UNIVERSE can convince me otherwise. I tried to keep a smidgen of hope, y'all. I tried so hard to believe that maybe, just maybe, there were enough people on this project to check and balance each other to make it shake out alright; I never expected to LOVE it, but I tried to have hope that I'd at least like it well enough. But as I kept saying to my mom as the release date crept ever closer, "I'm so fucking afraid of this film because there are SO MANY WAYS they could fuck it up."

Hahaha don't you just love being right?

I don't even really know where to begin, because I've already seen a lot of people covering detailed, thorough ground on the subject, but I'm honestly just astounded that it ended up THIS much of a garbage fire?? If I rolled my eyes any harder during this film they were going to fall out of my fucking head. There was just no emotional depth to ANYTHING? Jesus Christ the DIALOGUE. Ben and Rey, the TWO HALVES OF THE SAME PROTAGONIST, barely spoke??? And pretty much any time they did, it was fucking exposition about Rey's —GAG—secret heritage. Don't even get me started on that bullshit.

I swear to god, the opening crawl started at 10:30pm, and I felt the need to check the time at 11:40. BARELY AN HOUR into the film and i was already dying for it to be over. Y'all, I swear to god, the last time that happened to me in a movie was the fucking "Avatar The Last Airbender" trainwreck.

The more I think about this movie the angrier I get. The wasted actors. The wasted characters. The wasted potential. The wasted plotlines. This is a slap in the face to every fucking person who ever defended the sequel trilogy, and I hope Disney becomes painfully, VIVIDLY aware of that fact.

George Lucas, I am so sorry. I've talked some shit about you in the past, but your universe did not deserve this and I'm so sorry your legacy was so violently shit on.

#star wars tros #tros spoilers #tros #star wars #star wars sequel trilogy #the rise of skywalker #jj abrams

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dreamercail · 4 years

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nanowrimo musings 2.0

so like five years ago I did a little nanowrimo retrospective where I talked a little bit about each story I wrote and what I thought about it. I’ve been thinking of doing another one while also avoiding other responsibilities so join me on this walk down memory lane:

PUTTING UNDER CUT CUZ IT’S A LOT OF WORDS WHOOPS

Silicon (2009) - Oh geez, I hate to even count this one, but it was my first ever nano attempt so I gotta. A story about Theresa Lee, a girl who unknowingly is an android (closer to a cyborg?), and the team running the experiment. I don’t even think I made it to 10,000 words. Features: first attempts at an intergenerational friendship and an interesting framing device. I don’t think I’ve opened the file in at least 10 years. This is probably for the better.

Relapse of Vernadora (2010) - my first NaNo win! Originally started off steampunk inspired but I have no idea what the final product was (there were airships?? and that was really it). A story about a half dozen Chosen Ones™️ who represent ~elemental abilities~ and they have to...save the country they’re in?? Because it happens every couple hundred years?? I don’t really know. Featuring: a fun first half of interconnecting stories and dialogue that sounds like bad anime fan fiction. Overall a yikes from me but I still love Chira Chronum as a character and will until I die.

Colossal (2011) - I will always label this one as the most read amongst people I know. It’s a pretty simple story about a group of teenagers who can see giants and have to go on a road trip to stop the guy who’s bringing them back from the dead. Featuring: a literal ripped from tv tropes 5 man band set up and entirely okay if not weak narration. In the end it’s hard for me to go back to and read because I’ve gotten a lot better but I’m still proud of it. Also the five main teens have such a special place in my heart and I’ll probably never be fully done with them. Also I think my only nano with a sequel?? (that took me like six years to write lmao)

Extinction Could be a Lot Worse (2012) - 300 years after global cataclysm, and humans have become a minority, giving rise to insect- and fish-humanoid hybrids known as Entosaps and Aquacrans. Arata is a kid with a guitar looking for one of the last major human settlements on earth. Featuring: half baked concepts, heavy handed and misguided messages about racism, and one actually decent speech at the end. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh I’ve never felt great about this one. It didn’t take me long after writing it to realize my messaging was super mixed and not as woke as I thought. Also like a few super problematic parts that make me cringe hard. Not the worst thing ever but not one I go back to.

How to be an Urban Legend (2013) - oh thank god the streak of straight protagonists has been broken. A really fun deuteragonist set up! Aliya is a party girl in need of a job. Morse is a down on her luck, awkward girl with a penchant for local urban legends. Each encounter Mackenzie Fylan, an urban legend known as a parsinct, a person who goes through overwhelming tragedy and emerges with supernatural abilities, and chaotic teleporter. Through a series of events the two girls uncover some peculiar goings ons in the basement of their office building. Featuring: a plot where like not a ton happens and a fun chapter naming convention. In the grand scheme of things an entirely okay story. Not a story with a ton of stakes but it marked a turning point in my writing as far as description writing and narration go. Aliya and Morse are an unstable couple, but I think I take a little too much joy in their dysfunction.

Scribed. (2014) - Most famous for not being finished, rip. In a world where writers are assigned particular individuals to “scribe” their lives, Ariel Hess accidentally discovers he’s being written about by the inexperienced scribe, Maiara Snow. It would’ve been a fun kind of breakdown and commentary on the stories we consume and the protagonists we choose to write about but it never quite made it off the ground (partially due to life being a lot that year). Featuring: really not much but some fun with style/formatting.

The Incredibly Consequential Life of Charlie Zappala (2016) - After having to skip 2015, this was a fun one to write. Also, chaotic cuz I dallied the first half of the month then ended up writing like 22k in 6 days. Charlie is a disillusioned 20-something who always thought they were made for something greater until real life came and beat them with a stick. That is, until an interdimensional elf herald pops out of their refrigerator and claims they’re the Chosen One. From there Charlie has to balance the world of their dreams with the world they know and figure out which is really meant for them. Featuring: first nonbinary protagonist and a whole lot of swearing. Charlie as a character is such an outlet for a lot of processing of what it means to be an adult in this day and age. I love them a lot. Of course, in the manic way the story was written the pacing is wonk and needs some work before it’s the best it can be. Also the only nanowrimo (save the unfinished ones) that never got a proper edit.

a.u. (2017) - HEY DID I MENTION THIS ONE WON AN AWARD. I’m sure I have. To go from no one reading my stories to now thousands of folks having checked this one out is A Lot but also probably one of the coolest things to ever happen to me. Damian is a fresh out of college fuck boy, Alexander is a hipster barista. They meet in a coffee shop, we all know what happens then, right? If by that you meant that a mysterious earthquake comes every morning to the coffee shop and leaves the two with the only memories of it happening, then yes, we all know what happens. A story meant to be an exploration of fan fiction tropes and AUs, but also with an underlying message of what it means to find yourself when the world around you is constantly changing (#kidswhomovedalotproblems). Very admittedly nervous that I was gonna come across as fetishizing mlm relationships just by nature exploring the typical “””””BL plot””””” so that’s probably what’s stopped me from out right asking people I know to read it haha. Featuring: boys kissing and some actually damn good analogies that I have yet to replicate. Did I mention it won an award? And currently has 30k reads?? Anyway read it online. No shame.

Road to Arcadia (2018) - Boy does this one have my whole heart. Set in a very nearby future (about 30 years) in a world where we did jack shit about climate change (so like current trajectory), Kai Gilling sets off to the desert to look for something better. On the way he encounters a pair of siblings and a woman who says she has a map to Arcadia, an urban legend rumored to be the only city thriving during these hellish times. Cue: desert road trip story. I’d been wanting to write a desert road trip story for ages and the route the characters follow is nearly identical to one my dad and I took on a road trip the preceding summer, so it all came together. Featuring: a main cast where none of the characters are cis/het and Jeep Wranglers. The letters Kai writes back home have some of my favorite writing and some raw emotion and thoughts from me. It’s not perfect in its execution and it doesn’t have the playfulness that a.u. has, but it’s really special to me. Also available online! (not as many reads tho working on that one)

EXCAVATOR: Tales from the Twelve Vessels (2019) - Probably my first real big step into hardcore sci-fi and another deuteragonist tale. In the future, out in the deep recesses of space, flies the jaundian coalition, a group of twelve spaceships housing orphaned races from across the universe, most notably the sapiens (ya humans) and the nkrey (kinda like a mix between grey aliens and high elves). The story follows Meera, a wide-eyed Idealist looking to work planetside and Sauk, a convicted criminal who would like to do not that. Shenanigans ensue. It’s definitely out of my comfort zone to write something in a world so unfamiliar and it was hard to do a nanowrimo story when half the time needed was for world building. Also still not fully finished to this day. I got the 50k but still have a lot left to write in terms of plot. Featuring: ALIENS and sassy teammates. One that I probably won’t know how to feel about until at least another year or so.

Thanks so much for reading!! And oh man I’m only scraping the surface of a lot of this. If you ever wanna know one thing I could talk forever about it’s my stories and characters.

#i could go back in and add the book coverd i made for each of these but im lazy #cailin writes things #long post #i have a lot of feelings about my stories #and characters #and this is only a fraction of them

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