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sinkableruby · 1 year

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if you were going to see each Monogatari character paired with another character in a story which dynamics do you think would be most compelling?

trying to catch up on asks

idk if this is for just any character or other monogatari characters but i will think on both. im also assuming this is like for dynamics we havent really seen yet as opposed to just what my favorite dynamics are

im gonna say full anime spoilers for monogatari, and spoilers for other series too occasionally? nothing TOO huge but yea

koyomi: he talks to everyone so idk how i would do this. but for outside monogatari... i want him to talk to a boy he doesnt talk to boys enough. i think he should talk to jotaro from jjba part 3 purely because i think he'd be really intimidated and it'd be funny. either that or dirk strider because (homestuck spoilers) i think they could bond over creating splinter versions of themselves and almost killing said selves as well as their mutual self hatred

senjougahara: senjougahara has the tendency to dominate the dynamic of whoever she's with and doesnt take shit from anybody so i kinda wanna see her talk to gaen izuko. bc gaen is also someone who dominates the dynamic of whoever she's with (makes sense) but i feel like senjougahara would be extremely unwilling to put up with her and very distrustful. so thered be a lot of push back on gaens scheming that i think could be interesting. as for outside monogatari, i drew a blank on this so id say maybe sakurajima mai because... not only is that series just monogatari but for a wider audience, but mai is also senjougahara but a little bit to the left. i think since they both had mysterious supernatural starts to their relationships with their respective boyfriends they would start competing over whose start was like cooler or w/e for like basically no reason. i think it'd be funny. it'd probably start a little contentious and then just become them gushing about their boyfriends. how sweet

kanbaru: i think if she talked to sodachi she could be a very positive influence in sodachi's social life that she really needs. and i think she'd also do well in cutting down sodachi's pathological self deprecation if they got close. sodachi would try to like look cool in front of her junior and kanbaru would just be like woah youre taking breaks from college thats not good are you ok... and try to offer her help in staying motivated and healthy and all that. kanbaru's inner doctor can really shine lol. outside of mono first person that comes to mind is homura from madoka and they can talk about what absolute disaster gays they are (although homura is significantly more disaster). second person that comes to mind is serinuma kae from kiss him not me because i think they could have a blast going insane about bl together

hanekawa: id like to see her talk to gaen tooe (if it were possible) because tooes ideology challenges hanekawas and i think it could further hanekawas thinking if they managed to talk. its tough for hanekawa cause shes got her whole journey shes on so shes probably super focused on that and less on bonding w ppl or w/e. i think outside of the series itd be fun if she talked to oribe yasuna just bc yasuna is so bouncy energetic and childishly playful but also so annoying that hanekawa would be a little stumped and caught off balance. she'd end up having to go along with yasunas games and be kind of annoyed about it lol.

nadeko: kinda like koyomi nadeko has talked with too many people for me to feel like i can name a new person for a dynamic. outside of the series tho... shes very reserved so she'd have to talk to someone outgoing for anything interesting to happen... she should talk to baka from the wasteful days of high school girls. baka is so rude and would probably tease nadeko for her shyness but is also so genuinely dumb that nadeko wouldnt be offended by it for very long. baka would rope her along into her usual dumb shit which means nadeko would feel put upon but also get to have fun new experiences so cool.

hachikuji: im drawing a blank. maybe numachi, just because numachi is so negative and dark and hachikuji is so encouraging and positive. i dont think theres anyone hachikuji would like get along badly with but i think hachikuji and numachi might have some disagreements that would be an interesting dynamic. hachikuji should talk to phos from hnk because they could have a fun snappy dynamic with each other and their mutual silliness. and also because phos really needs someone like hachikuji in their life 😭. other than that maybe clara valac? theyre both chaotic i think they'd have fun together :)

tsukihi: should talk to kaiki because kaiki would be totally defeated by her. tsukihi brings misfortune to everyone and he knows this so he'd be really annoyed by having to talk to her. the worst part is she would probably critique his lifestyle and philosophy and not even be wrong about it and hed have no choice but to deal with it. in exchange for not bringing it up he would have to pay her off with snacks and cute clothes. shed prolly also be genuinely pissed at him for messing with karen so he'd have to lose a Lot of money and she'd make him lose a lot on purpose, not as much because she wants the stuff but more because she knows he wants the money. she should talk to suzumiya haruhi theyre both forces of nature theyd have a wonderful time unknowingly making the lives of everyone around them 1000x more annoying. they'd like feed off each other it'd be great. they've got like equally low attention spans so theyd go pursuing a new really ambitious project like every week and have a fun time with it. theyre mutually very bored i think they'd get along.

karen: karen should talk to kagenui and do a training montage with her. they'd do a training montage that's what they'd do. karen would adopt kagenui as her mentor after like 3 seconds. im not sure who to have her talk to from outside mono. maybe someone she can mentor instead of her being the mentee. actually i think itd be hilarious if she tried to mentor bocchi. like specifically in like martial arts and physical fitness. and bocchi would be like yes i can get stronger and then all the girls will love me so shes up for it but karen would be just so bad at teaching that it wouldnt amount to anything. but she wouldnt know how bad she is at it and would just keep trying to push through... bless her heart

yotsugi: should talk to senjougahara bc they are both monotone and acerbic it'd be a monotone-and-acerbic-off. who will win. (senjougahara would bring up yotsugi's old catchphrase and win bc yotsugi would die of cringe). i'd like her to talk to iruma because iruma is so sweet and yotsugi would probably be a little rude but also a little nice to him. and then she would make him do stuff for her every now and then bc he cant say no lol. she'd probably use him to pamper herself tbh

sodachi: itd be interesting if she ever talked to shinobu bc she'd be like wow you attached yourself eternally to THAT guy? lame and then she'd like openly mock her. shinobu would probably haughty about it like who cares about the words of a mere human (she does). i think itd be cute if she talked to anya for similar reasons that i think kanbaru should talk to her, only amplified bc anya can literally mind read all her self deprecation and try to cheer her up without letting her know she can read her mind in the way anya tends to. itd be very cute. sodachi would have a lot of fun spoiling her and being like a cool big sister figure. very sweet 😌

shinobu: shes not really interested in talking to people outside of koyomi so im not sure for this one. oops

ougi: i want ougi to talk to meme. the uncle dynamic would be amazing. all the better since ougi seems to dislike being compared to him. theyre both slippery vague people who tend to talk in confusing ways and i think they would have philosophical discussions that would go NOWHERE because neither of them gets to the point. i think ougi would try to critique his ideology and meme would just rebuff the criticism. and then he could bust out the uncley affection (but only in a slightly ironic/indirect way bc hes a tsundere) and itd be very cute (although i think ougi would absolutely hate it lmao). as for outside of the series i have many thoughts about these. like how i think araragi should talk to dirk i think ougi should talk to hal. they would understand each other and also them being together for any period of time upwards of 1 minute would make everyone in the vicinity have an instant migraine. and they could definitely talk philosophy together too! i also think ougi could talk to oreki houtarou from hyouka bc hes got that whole detective mystery solving thing going on and ougi would absolutely love to ask him to solve some mystery and be his watson. and of course theyd also try to lead him around into some dark path which he'd be wary of but might still fall for despite what happened with irisu. another fool for ougi to mess with. but that might be a dynamic too similar to araragis so i also also think ougi could talk to chitanda. ougi could probably pull out some kinda repression from chitanda but chitanda is just so genuine that she would handle it very well and it wouldnt turn into any kind of disaster as ougi would hope it to. really i think they could just bond over their love of mysteries. ougi needs a fellow mystery lover to talk to. (although oreki might also be a fan of mysteries too, partly in novels and stuff and partly irl, i think chitandas bright and loud enthusiasm about it could let her and ougi geek out together and itd be fun 😄)

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dausy · 4 months

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Well I've been daily updating twitter ofcourse. I kind of at the last moment decided I was going to do a daily doodle thing. I did this years ago, where I drew something every day for a year. I'm not doing a full illustration this time just really simple, essentially a couple lines and thats it. Just to help the creative juices flowing. I probably wont stick it out for an entire year but I keep getting myself backed up into an artistic corner and I want to back back out of it and find a new corner. Instead while I've been doing that, I've also been using it as an excuse to update the status of my current ailment.

so essentially, I had already self-diagnosed myself with the flu but I did go ahead and made an urgent care appointment on Saturday (?). I will say that I normally get a flu shot, every year, I did not get one this year. Next year I will definitely be getting one. I definitely got this from my coworkers and theres was like 3x milder than mine. My immune system was not prepared.

I did not want to physically go to urgent care because I didn't feel safe driving. I was super short of breath and I felt very drunk (because its in my ears! my ears are messed up). Also, didn't want to sit in a waiting room when sitting up sounded like a lot of effort and besides, what is urgent care going to tell me that I dont already know? viruses are treated with rest and fluids and thats it. However, I assumed my boss was going to be on top of me for some sort of a work note even though I'm not a full time employee and I dont feel like I should need one but I had agreed to work on monday and if I called in she'd probably pitch a fit. I discovered, thanks to the local spouse groups, that there was a local mobile urgent care. They came to my house! I schedule an appointment and they came out about an hour later. The most convenient thing ever. They apparently didn't take my insurance so they charged me 179$ out of pocket but I wasn't going to complain. I didn't have to go anywhere. I could track the MA on gps and they sent me his photo so I didn't "have to be scared" lmao. It was all very nice.

I had already tested myself for covid and it was negative. I was tempted to start myself on prednisone (because I practically have an entire pharmacy at home) but HR was a good 115 and adding steroid to that sounded not fun. Normally my HR runs 60s if Im calm and 80s if Im stressed. 115 with steroids on board didn't sound like fun. My 02 was dropping to 93 when I was up and walking around but it would go back up to the high 90s. This poor MA came with a laptop that virutally connected to a PA and they were like "what do you want me to do for you?" like I guess I mainly just wanted to make sure that I was safe to be at home and I have evidence I saw some sort of healthcare person as proof.

I oddly enough didn't have much of a cough until about yesterday. I was feeling short of breath and when I did cough I'd cough gunk up but mainly it just hurt to cough but it wasn't frequent at all. Now I'm coughing alot. The worst part was the hot/cold flashes. I completely drenched the bed in sweat. I've never seen that much water come off of me. I literally touched the valley of my stomach and it was a puddle. I splished my hands in it. I would alternate between uncontrollable sweating to then freezing to death. I thought I'd be over it and I washed all my linens yesterday and then last night, just sweat everywhere. Which was annoying because I felt....nagged..?..guilttripped? to go into work today by my boss. Like I was faking it..I couldnt possibly be sick that long(my coworkers recovered in 2 days)..maybe I was crazy and I wasn't sick?

so I did! I WENT TO WORK TODAY. My coworkers were actually fine. They said they were actually surprised they handled things well without me. I'm simultaneously proud of them and really aggravated that I went in. Because I really did feel terrible. I realized real fast how weak I was and my brain was not functioning. I even gave myself the easiest roll I could where I was off in a corner away from people and I was struggling. I was struggling to walk and I was struggling to stand. My partner at work let me know how bad I looked too. I apparently looked like a frail old lady. Which was nice.

So I went home. My boss is like "wait where you going?". I guess in her defense she came equipped with a bunch of throat lozenges for me but I didn't have a sore throat. I have no energy and cant breath. So I'm going home. I dont work tomorrow btw.

#healthcareworkers #imsick8(#dailydoodle #artblog

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abbacuuss · 6 months

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1. selfie: I'll post one after this.

2. what would you name your future kids? Genevieve and Canderous Scott or Scott.

3. do you miss anyone? I miss my brother, Drew.

4. what are you looking forward to? Just being happy.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? My mom.

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? Absolutely.

7. what was your life like last year? Full of sickness.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? Yes

9. who did you last see in person? My mom.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? Yes. I'm a Capricorn.

11. are you listening to music right now? No just a fan.

12. what is something you want right now? Tacos.

13. how do you feel right now? My body hurts.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? Its been a while

15. personality description: Sarcastic nerd

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? Yeah.

17. opinion on insecurities. I am insecurities personified.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago? Not at all.

19. have you ever been to New York? I've never been out of the Tristate area.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? Word up by Cameo

21. age and birthday? 32 and Jan 15th

22. description of crush.

23. fear(s): Death.

24. height: 6'

25. role model: My brother.

26. idol(s): Billie

27. things i hate: myself

28. i’ll love you if… you accept me as I am.

29. favourite film(s): Donnie Darko, original Ghostbusters, and 10 things I hate about you

30. favourite tv show(s): too many to name

31. 3 random facts: I can't roll my tongue, I can't blow bubbles in gum, and penguins have a gland above their eyes that convert salt water to fresh water to see when diving.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? Girls?

33. something you want to learn: more languages

34. most embarrassing moment: peed myself at a church sleepover. I didn't even go to that church.

35. favourite subject: pottery

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? Be happy, be comfortable financially, treat my mom right.

37. favourite actor/actress: Paul Rudd

38. favourite comedian(s): Gabriel Iglesias

39. favourite sport(s): curling

40. favourite memory: Coming home from the hospital after my blood clot.

41. relationship status: single

42. favourite book(s): World War Z

43. favourite song ever: Pearl of the Stars by Coheed and Cambria

44. age you get mistaken for: 20s

45. how you found out about your idol: He is my sibling.

46. what my last text message says: "nope. Not hurt."

47. turn ons: ask me privately.

48. turn offs: Dishonesty

49. where i want to be right now: Im in bed so...

50. favourite picture of your idol: nope

51. starsign: Capricorn

52. something i’m talented at: making people laugh

53. 5 things that make me happy: my cats, tacos, video games, giving love, and learning new things.

54. something thats worrying me at the moment: my heart.

55. tumblr friends: all of them.

56. favourite food(s): Mexican food, Italian food, American Chinese food

57. favourite animal(s): otters and cats

58. description of my best friend: n/a

59. why i joined tumblr: was reporting e3 back in 2009

60. ask me anything you want: you didn't ask me anything.

#answered #asked #anon #about me

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into-the-blorboverse · 1 year

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some tidbits about this AU

the AU is kind of split off into two time periods, exploring Drew's identity as a teen+how his life differs from the regular oc verse, and the second half, where we come back to him as an adult and reconnecting with people with newfound confidence in himself.

all this to say, alot of the exploration has to do with him and Libra's relationship. as mentioned in the first trans au post, we couldn't let Libra cheat on Drew in this one. while Libra doesn't know about Drew being trans until much later and her infidelity wouldn't have anything to do with him being "inferior" as a man or whatever, Drew would most definitely feel that way. and he goes through enough in this AU so that we didn't have the heart to do that. not to say that there isn't angst about his gender, just not in such a earth shattering way as being cheated on.

anyway they do last a bit longer together, allowing themselves to become very attached. Libra can tell that there's Something going on with Drew that he's not being forthcoming about, so she gets kind of annoying about that sometimes, perhaps projecting that he's not interested in her or something. Drew is like ughhh its not that Libra... and shes left just like okay??? what is it then??? ...luckily Drew doesn't feel compelled to out himself right away, he isn't ready and he certainly would not benefit from that information getting out when he's feeling aggravated. he has no idea how Libra would react and that's why he can't Ever tell her (at least for right now).

they care for each other alot and it makes it really hard when it seems like their relationship is so hot n cold, and they r dumb teens so they don't know how to talk it out jfddsj. eventually Libra presents him with an ultimatum like, if you need time to go figure yourself out and when ur ready to be real with me you can come back and we can be together. she thinks oh im so genius once im gone he'll come running back 😏 but that rly is too much pressure on Drew and he... doesn't take the bait. which frustrates Libra, why doesn't he wanna be with me?? fools, both of them!!! and it doesn't help that Libra moves out, leaves town, due to some family drama. and they just don't reach out, its too hard, too scary, especially on Drew's end there's too many unknowns to reach out. and that was it.....

...unless!! well spoilers they do reconnect years later, Drew's had much more time to build confidence, both in social and medical transitioning. so when they do get to talking he does feel safe to reveal that yeah the reason why he was so cagey n weird in high school is because of being trans and being scared to tell the one person who didn't know already, and be rejected in that way. and Libra, in the kindest way she can manage, grabs his shoulders and shakes him around like are you Serious is that all that was about i thought you hated me!!! i liked you, i wouldn't have cared!!! etc etc and yknow. hindsight is 20/20 and all that. it probably would have been fine but he couldn;t have known and thats valid hsajkh. even if a bit frustrating for all involved, at least he feels good about it now.

funnily enough it takes this AU to have Drew go to therapy earlier on in his life...? not to mention living in the Ramirez household and not being emotionally damaged on a daily basis like in his family home really provides him a more stable foundation. so he can finally have these conversations as an adult and smooth over some unfinished business left untended from his teen life, whew!! Good for him. :)

#original characters #trans drew au #GHOSTWRATH #drew #libra

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cascassubwaysandwhich · 5 months

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SENSITIVE TOPICS.

i love you.

because of how attractive you are

because it feels nice to say i have a boyfriend

but also because you’re so loveable. you are so gentle, it is awfully worryingly easy to treat you with care. it satisfies me to hear you react positively to what i say to you. it feels so right, hearing you speak in a tone that nobody else will ever experience, and say words nobody else will ever have the privilege to hear.

but also because ever since i met you i’ve always wanted to call you mine.

even when i would complain about you to my best friend. about how “annoying” and “in the way” you were. i fell for you so fast. when we first talked—without Her.—alone, just you and i, i felt connected to you. i could tell you felt it too, i could feel it radiate off of every word that slipped off of your tongue.

and from then on, every single bad thing i had dared to say about you vanished from my vocabulary. i cherished the times we spent together. i still cherish them to this day, and i believe i always will. you granted me with sheer happiness—joy.

then she got sent away.

five days.

five amazing, wrong, guilty pleasured days.

i have no more guilt for those five days. we have no more guilt for those five days.

we she glad she had been sent away. sure, the first night was filled with worry and off-putting feelings, but the last four nights were ones remember.

you and i, we experienced how it was to not be on thin ice. we were so shocked how nice we both were to eachother. you couldn’t stop telling me how ecstatic you were, how nice i was to you, how happy i made you, it was like it was the first time you had been shown true (passionate) affection and love.

and it clicked

she was using you.

she had been using you.

it all clicked together when we were playing spraypaint

you drew a heart

and then put “kanin” in the middle, i thought

“wait”

“she never made me feel like this”

“you and i, we are both subjects of her narcissistic behaviors”

and then i was mad. in just 15 seconds of putting the puzzle pieces together, i was furious. hearing your loving voice all the while didn’t help. it didn’t help the anger i felt towards her for using you.

i dreaded her coming back

you promised me you wouldn’t ever leave me

but when she came back.

i don’t blame you

she has a way of getting into my head, too.

i never blamed you

i never once blamed you for her manipulating you

i never once blamed you for the images she sent to make you stay

i never once blamed you for how she treated you like an object

i never once blamed you for how things went down.

i never once blamed you for her telling everyone i tried to steal you from her

and that i was just obsessed, she told everyone i was obsessed with her too. thats just what she says about me.

what hurt me the most was you breaking your promises

but i never once blamed you.

i blamed her.

its funny how she treated me like i was not a spitting image of her

how she treated me like i was just another narcissistic, selfish, unsympathetic, piece of shit average Borderline.

like she didn’t create me

like she didn’t mold me into her

like she didn’t bring out the worst symptoms in me

like i wasn’t her first FP

like she wasn’t my first FP.

like she never loved me

like everything was my fault

like we don’t share this dreadful disorder

like she doesn’t remember what she did.

but she doesn’t. she doesnt remember. she doesnt remember who’s responsible for the fading lines on my legs

the gashes in my arms

the blades she taught me to take out of razors with burning the plastic, and the pencil sharpeners i would unscrew and take apart.

you ruined me

the times id let blood run down my arms onto my clothes and legs

just staring.

not thinking

because having you fill my head, isn’t considered thinking at all.

you are cruel.

you are ruling.

you are my past.

you are what made me.

what made me like this

what made me so,,,, Me.

i know no other human can feel these intense feelings, you know you and i are special—different than everybody else

my skin

im ugly

im covered in gashing, standing out pink marks.

i like to stare at them and think of you

i used to like to know that you made me like that

i knew you made me like that

but to be fair

the ones that haven’t faded, He made me that.

He won’t ever be named again.

i am a gentle, young Thing.

YOU HAVE DISTORTED THE IMAGE OF MYSELF THAT LINGERS IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD.

it is your fault

NOBODY IS TO BLAME BUT YOU

nobody is to blame but you

i would never had done that to you i would never hurt you like that.

My Past always comes back to torture me

i like to imagine that i can shapeshift into something beautiful

something with soft, gashless, beautiful skin

something with a clearer mind

without the image of you

i am your descendant

you have molded me

TWO BORDERLINES IN A RELATIONSHIP? how could this ever work out, both of us? together?

we were fucking insane

mad.

two people who have the unfortunate capability to feel emotions regular humans cannot even begin to imagine experiencing—Dating?

amazing.

adrenaline rushing, speeding.

Logan?

Moth?

Mine?

Never.

they were jealous

how did i get you, how did i DESERVE you, when they didnt?

moth,

moth?

Moth?

you used me

you stretched my heart

you were my fate. you brought out my bpd. you brought out yourself in me

you brought out ME in me.

you brough out us.

no matter how much i run from my natural instinct to be a horrible selfish inhuman being—It always catches up.

no matter how much i deny myself that i am a borderline

i always will be

i will always be inhuman due to this heart wrenching disorder

this Curse.

I am unruly

I am selfish

I am a monster

I am You.

We are one.

the love my sweetheart shows me will never overrun the control this disorder has on me , the control you have on me.

i can’t believe how pathetic i am

i am so weak

easily hurted

naturally mean

I am instinctively Abusive.

just like you

THE ABUSED ALWAYS BECOMES THE ABUSER.

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0thsense · 2 years

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29 9 2022

i feel better today. i didnt get too much work done today because i kept running into annoying problems, but other than that the day was pretty nice. i hung out with reggie today. at first i was worried that he too treated me with the aloof attitude i feel like i received from ned, but he opened up to me more as the day went on. i feel like this aloof attitude might be because after living apart for a while, people are just unsure of who i am and what our relationship is, and this was amplified with ned because we have lived apart for longer. it hurts though because i feel like i used to be quite close to ned. even though reggie doesnt satisfy that certain intellectual craving that i have as much as ned does, im still glad to have reggie as a friend. one thing i was thinking about today was how i feel like i had the dankness beaten out of me. when people like ned and yan moved out of the bay, and i mostly hung out with martin and reggie, i felt like my dankness was no longer appreciated, when it was potentially a draw to yan and ned. and now i no longer remember how to be dank. it was never truly part of my base personality, but i worked hard to cultivate it and enjoyed it, and now ive lost it and its way too late to get it back. in retrospect i think it drew a lot of the most interesting people ive met, and it sucks to lose it. im scared of meeting those people now and have them be bored and not want me because i now dont produce what they found valuable. specifically last time i met jay and edward i felt this way, like jay was maybe even taken aback by how i changed. i could imagine him feeling that way. very sad. i wonder if jay almost feels the same way, i dont know why i think that. im meeting edward again on friday with martin reggie and melvin. maybe its my last chance to prove my worth to edward. might be difficult in the presence of reggie and martin who dont appreciate that kind of thing. i should go for it anyways. i also met with allen today. he also satisfies that intellectual craving for me but i never interacted with him really through being dank. i was never that close to allen but i think our relationship was the same its always been which is nice. honestly any relationship that hasnt deteriorated im happy with. i think id get along with allen if i moved here. im feeling a bit self conscious that my writing feels more shallow compared to yesterday. i guess at least im doing this for more than a day, with the caveat that i dont have too much else to do in this hotel room. i hope i can get some work done tomorrow. thats probably the thing im most stressed about right now. id hate to disappoint rex and have that just stain even my professional reputation among the toddpole group. i feel like unlike usual i actually put in the hours on this trip, but just got not much out of them. very disappointing. i wonder if other people are as insecure about everything as i sound writing. probably not? id hope for people's overall happiness that that is not the case. but who knows? not like these are acceptable thoughts to share anyways. i wonder if this kind of blog is unique. i was thinking its very different from an autobiography thats written after the fact, im not sure where i could find similar literature to this. though i wonder if even id be interested in it, but maybe my depth of thought would make it interesting. if i dont at least think deeper than others what have i even got at this point. i thought about writing about something unhappy today but maybe i focus too much on the unhappy things. everything is a maybe, but thats how things objectively should be viewed i think. i think i shouldnt refer back to earlier days writing this even though that would provide more continuity. i wonder if the difference between how i feel today and feel yesterday is somehow due to forgetting my medication. i mean surely not too much has chnaged right? or maybe it truly is a difference in reality vs expectations, like the damaged relationship with ned vs the good relationships with reggie and allen. LIMIT

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mrfutureboy · 3 years

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#original entry #im going to bed because i am tired but i am going to vent a little bit first and what better place than right here on tumblr dot com #tho frankly part of my quarrel here is WITH tumblr dot com but alas i dont want to actually bother anyone with this irl and i dont expect #anyone to read the tags on this post especially since i am intentionally lengthening them #now heres my problem: being an artist (on tumblr)#actually im just gonna cut to the chase #my favorite artworks that ive done get like. no attention. and it hurts!#obviously i cant be mad that people might just not like my art cuz whats the point in getting upset over something i cant control #its just really annoying that the doodles i spend very little time on get more recognition than shit i actually put time into #(im going to make some comparisons but i do have to realize that. again. certain things just might not be peoples cup of tea)#(like i LOVE the cowboy marty thing i posted today but some people might see it and think ‘oh thats too weird i dont like it’)#based on technical skill and style alone i want to compare the cowboy marty to the ‘youll never be 5’7’’ drawing #cowboy marty has a lot going for it i mean its fully colored and shaded and its even got a real background for chrissakes. i put a lot of ti #me into it...like 8 notes. (tho i know when theo sees it more people will b exposed to it but who knows if theyll like it)#the ‘5’7’’’ drawing literally took like 15 min to do and theres really not much going on there. 100+ notes.#i’m grateful people liked it that much but damn...it just makes me feel like its not worth trying to make actual art because no one likes it #not many people liked sailor marty either but that was also a weird concept so thats probably part of it. i LOVE how sailor marty turned out #like i spent so much time on that too!! given what most of my digital art looks like its a fucking masterpiece!#i also love my doc and marty piece from forever ago but i think people interpreted it as ship and were off put by it. tho tbh i would redo #martys face bc i hate how i drew his profile now lfkslsk.#but yeah. i feel discouraged and kinda upset that tumblr doesnt seem to really appreciate the art i put real time and effort i my o #*into. like what do i have to do to get you to like it. is it REALLY that the concept is too kooky?? because yall love shitpost art so idgi.#(tho i dont think of my art as shitposts i think theyre genuine ways of interacting with content)#its also hitting me hard bc i like...want to try and become a better artist and somehow worm my way into the professional art world #but when i try new things to improve my digital art no one cares or likes it. so yeah. discouraging stuff.#idk maybe i shouldnt speak so soon with cowboy marty idk what times im supposed to post stuff so yall see it. cuz obv that factors in too bu #t....idk man. anyway this has been my vent post. if u made it all the way down here then thanks for listening

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literaila · 4 years

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this undeniable irritable space

spencer reid x reader

this is part 2 to space, which is about a “clingy” reader and a spencer with a need for “space”

and you should probably read that first.. but um you dont have to i guess? if you dont want to?

warnings: angst. lots of angst. spencers really angsty. really really. um.. theres a panic attack so if thats triggering please dont read please. its really rushed, and a lot longer than planned. so? sorry if it sucks. enjoy.

“I love her.”

Insecurities were hard to shake.

Y/N had always had that problem. The things that she despised about herself stuck to her skin like germs. Germs that crawled up her neck and into her mouth and under her skin until they were so far back, so deep inside that she couldn't reach them.

She couldn't get Spencer's words out of her head.

They had talked it out. Spencer reassured her that he loved touching her, that he wanted to feel her hand in his, any opportunity he got. They had decided that what had happened turned out to be a miracle in disguise because now neither of them were afraid. Touching was the way they loved each other, and there weren't any boundaries left.

That didn't mean that Spencer's words just drifted off into the abyss.

Now they seemed even more stuck to Y/N skin, implanted into her thoughts. Y/N knew that she shouldn't care about what he said, he had repeatedly shown her how much he loved touching her in the couple of days that had passed. He made sure to kiss her any opportunity he could, they were constantly cuddling, whether that be in bed while making dinner, on the couch watching a movie, in the shower. There were no limits to their constant clinginess. Both of them loved it, and they couldn't get enough.

But that didn't mean that there wasn't any fear.

Y/N worried that Spencer had just said all of that as to not hurt her feelings, that in reality he didn't like touching her, and he just wanted to make her happy because that's who he is, he never wanted to disappoint anyone, always wanted the best for the people he loved.

It was one of the things Y/N loved most about him, one of the things that drew her to him in the first place, she could see how much he loved all his teammates just by the way he paid attention to them, by the way, he knew exactly how everyone liked their coffee, by the way, he always made sure to thank Garcia anytime she did anything to help, by the way, he always checked on Derek after a case, to make sure it hasn't affected him too badly. Spencer showed it by loving JJ and Henry constantly, he showed it by making sure Hotch wasn’t the last one in the office every night, by listening to Rossi and adding on when he thought it was appropriate. Spencer showed his constant love for everyone around him every day. It was what made him so approachable.

But it also caused Y/N a lot of worries.

She was worried he was so focused on making everyone- making her- happy that he wasn't giving himself the things he needed. She didn't want Spencer to let her cuddle him and kiss him and love him just to make her happy, she didn't want him to pretend to be comfortable even if he wasn't.

So she watched him.

She hoped he didn't notice the way she watched him.

She was constantly looking for a wince, a little second glance, an uncomfortable smile, an irritated look, anything that would prove that what she was doing was wrong.

Apparently, her profiling skills aren't up to scratch though because she didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

Though there was still a tiny part of her that couldn't believe it, just couldn't accept it, she had to keep searching, she wasn't going to miss anything like she did the last time.

“Sometimes though- I just- I want some space”

***

Spencer wasn't oblivious.

Obviously.

He was a genius, and he was prone to remembering things. Which means he noticed when Y/N started watching him. He saw the way she was more cautious in touching him, the way she watched his face more, the way she closed her eyes every time he held her like she was afraid it would be the last time.

He felt terrible.

The things he had said should have never affected their relationship, they were never meant to affect their relationship. In all honesty, he had only said them as a way to vent, as a way to blame something about how stressed he was feeling. And Y/N should have never heard any of it.

It was a ridiculous thing to say anyway as if Spencer could ever live without constantly feeling the warmth and reassurance in Y/N touch.

She wasn't mad, she had made that much clear, but Spencer still couldn't help but worry that she was still upset about what he had said. He was still upset about it so how couldn’t she be?

The hesitation, the crease in her brows when they were millimeters apart, the way she was trying to find the truth in his eyes every time she looked at him, it all made him feel a million times worse.

But there was something about tonight. Tonight was making it worse.

The team had decided to go out together, happy to have a break from dead bodies and insane people. It wasn't rare for them to go out, especially after a hard case, it was strange though that they’d had multiple days off in a row. When Emily had suggested going to one of the bars close to the office as a way to keep the streak going, no one had protested. They all seemed a bit happier.

Of course, the night had been spent checking their phones constantly and talking about their jobs, but that also wasn't unusual.

Spencer was having a difficult time though. Y/N and he had spent their days at the office going over paperwork and sneaking glances at each other from their desks and spent their nights cuddling and making out, laughing while making dinner and savoring as much time together as possible. In some weird way they seemed closer now, but even more afraid. Neither of them mentioned it though, both of them trying to avoid as much confrontation as possible.

But what made Spencer's night difficult was touching.

Derek, Penelope, and Y/N had all decided to make their way to the small makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room- after a few drinks of course- and while Y/N had dragged Spencer out too because there was no way she was going to let him just sit back and watch, he had eventually made his way back to the table where Emily, JJ, Hotch, and Rossi were sat content.

But he couldn't keep his eyes off of her, the way she laughed at both Derek and Garcia, the way her eyes were lit up in happiness, the gentle sway of her hips as she danced to the beat... And the way her face was thrown back and glowing under the dimmed lights of the Bar.

She was beautiful.

There were lots of other eyes on her as well, both men and women staring directly at her, all of them never wanting to look away. It didn't seem like she noticed or she just didn't care, because usually, she wasn't prone to direct spotlight. Either way, she was the catch of the night.

Spencer didn't care about the eyes on her, while he was known to get jealous from time to time, he didn't mind the eyes, they only proved that she was gorgeous, and all his. He knew that.

What Spencer did mind though, was the touching. Both, Derek and Garcia, touching her, freely, her touching back, freely. It wasn't jealousy, Spencer was well aware that neither Derek nor Garcia had any interest in being with Y/N, and even if they did Spencer knew that Y/N was happy with him. It was the way she didn't mind touching them, and they didn't mind touching her.

There was no hesitation in her eyes when she threw her arms around Derek's neck and swayed her hips with him. There wasn't any searching when she looked him in the eyes, just laughter, and joy. When Garcia wrapped her arms around Y/N waist and bopped her head with her, Y/N didn't make any move to check to see if Garcia's body language was off.

She was so carefree with them, so happy, never scared.

It only seemed to make Spencer feel worse. Because she wasn't carefree like that with him, she had to check to make sure he was comfortable with her wrapping her arms around him, she had to check his eyes for any hint of anything but happiness, she couldn't just touch him without checking first. And it was all his fault.

He wished there was a way to take back his words, to simply erase them from existing. He wished she hadn't heard him, he wished that he could have said anything else. Because touching was her way of loving, and he knew that. He knew that she showed her passion and appreciation with her body, with her warm hands, and strong arms, with her legs that were never too far from his. He’d always known that she loved touching others. And the words that came out of his mouth, the stupid words he’d blurted out about space, they were untrue, they were just an attack on her and himself. And they had ruined the carefree way she loved him.

He wished she wasn't afraid to show her love for him.

Spencer sat back in his chair with a glare in his eyes and a frown on his face, angry at himself, but never angry at her.

“Reid?!” Rossi said, louder than the first two times he had called his name and Spencer didn't seem to notice.

Spencer looked over at the four of them his face not wavering from the angry expression he had.

“Woah, Kid. You alright? With the look on your face, we might be profiling you as our next unsub.”

Spencer could tell they were profiling him, and he could see Emily look behind him as if she knew something he didn't. “Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking did you know that around 1.7 million people visit the emergency room due to assault and-”

It seemed that the only thing he could do was take his mind off of it. And annoy his coworkers.

***

There was something off with Spencer. Y/N had noticed it yesterday, after leaving with Penelope to get lunch. She couldn't tell what was wrong, but he seemed to have a frown on his face more often than not. And she figured she could just be blowing it out of proportion, maybe she had just seen him smiling so much in the last couple of days she wasn't used to seeing him without a grin or a smirk or a genuine smile.

Still, something seemed off.

He was mostly fine at home, he never looked upset when they were doing something, but as soon as she left the room and came back the frown was there. It always disappeared quickly, but it still concerned her.

She asked him about it before they had left for the bar, “Is something up baby?” she had said, but he just shook his head and turned around so she couldn't see his face. She tried to pretend that was a normal answer.

Now usually they talked out their problems, usually, they didn't have any problems at all. But not having problems means you don't stay used to talking them out, and it seemed that both of them were out of practice.

When they got to the bar, both of them were happy, hand in hand sitting down with their friends and enjoying yet another night off. The bar was warm and familiar to all of them, and they were all perfectly comfortable.

As the night when on Spencer seemed more and more upset. He never said anything weird, never did anything unusual that tipped Y/N off. But that small frown was still on his face, and he seemed less and less inclined to join in the conversation with all of them.

It wasn't really bad until Y/N had come back from dancing with Penelope and Derek, all of them sweaty and exhausted, ready to down another beer or two. Spencer had tried to smile at Y/N but knowing him as well as she did, it was clearly forced. And she could see the closed-off look in his eyes, almost as if he was looking right through her.

She patted his leg and offered him a hesitant smile, hoping her eyes were conveying the message she was trying to send to him. He only looked at her though, still wearing the same fake smile.

Y/N wondered if something had happened while she was on the other side of the bar if someone had said something, or he had remembered something. But Spencer never said anything so neither did she.

The rest of the team were smiling and laughing, and none of them seemed to notice Spencer's closed-off body language and the look in his eyes, and the small frown, so Y/N figured she was just making it up. Her insecurities were just getting the best of her and telling her there was something wrong.

Like they always did.

Though she did try to keep the touching to a limit, if Spencer was feeling off there was more of a chance he didn't want to be bothered or touched. The insecurity telling her he didn't want to be touched, only seemed to get louder, voicing its opinion, and making her sit her legs leaning away from him, her thoughts filled with not making him uncomfortable.

***

As the night went on Spencer was the same, frowning, distant, and closed off, And as the night went on Y/N stayed the same, cautious, worried, insecure.

Their moods seemed to compliment each other, almost as if one of them was upset the other one had to be as well.

Both of them hoped everything would be fine when they got home.

Clearly, the entire team was trying to keep in their yawns, trying to keep the conversation alive, but Garcia looked practically dead, and everyone was speaking in a whisper.

The bar had cleared out, with only some young college kids still out at two in the morning. When Hotch pointed that out and then said that they all looked too old to be counted as a college kid- which Rossi took offense to making the rest of the team laugh- they decided to call it a night.

Derek had to practically drag Garcia off of the table she was drooling on, and Y/N helped him get her in the car. JJ and Emily decided to share a cab home, both of them waving everyone goodbye before heading off. Rossi and Hotch both reassured that everyone would be alright before getting into their cars and going home. Derek kissed Y/N on the cheek and pretended to kiss Spencer before driving Garcia home.

When it was just Spencer and Y/N, Y/N looked at him and asked “Are you going to drive, or am I?” Spencer, whose eyes looked even more tired than usual, smiled at her- for real this time which Y/N noted- and said,

“Legally I don't think you’re allowed to drive.”

Y/N yawned and handed him the keys, too tired to come up with a snarky response.

They both got in the car, basking in the warmth the heater provided on a cold night. Y/N laid her head against the seat while Spencer put the car in drive, so they could head home.

It wasn't long before Y/N fell asleep. Lulled by the quiet engine and dark night.

Spencer fonded at her, listening to her soft breathing and smiling silently to himself. Sometimes, he thought, he wished it was just the two of them forever. It seemed that if he could just spend the rest of his life alone with her everything would be alright. Everything was always alright when he was alone with her.

It was a short drive to their apartment, and while Spencer was hesitant to wake her, he knew that sleeping in the car wasn't good for avoiding exhaustion, and he wanted to know she was safe in bed with him.

He carefully opened her door, running his thumb over her cheek, before gently picking her up bridal style, and feeling thankful they lived on the first floor of the apartment complex so he didn't have to carry her up the stairs.

It was hard for him to keep his eyes off her sweet face as he walked to their door, but he didn't want to drop her so he managed to. He unlocked the door, surprised he could even do it with her in his arms. What he didn't notice was her eyes carefully opening and staring at him.

“You’re so striking.”

Spencer quickly looked down at her, his steps halted in their living room, shaking her only slightly, he was surprised by her words, he was surprised that she was even awake.

He cleared his throat trying to not look so surprised, while she giggled at him. “T-thank you, I didn't realize you were awake, I wanted to let you sleep.”

Y/N yawned, bringing her hand to her mouth, then looked back up at him smiling while he opened the door to their room, “I know” she said, keeping her eyes on his soft face.

He gently laid her down in bed, gestured for her to stay there while he headed to their closet. Y/N thought about the way he was so gentle with her, and the way he didn't look as upset as earlier.

Spencer brought her some pajamas and helped her change into them, having already changed into his, Y/N couldn't help but almost fall asleep while he did this, she knew that he would take care of her, and she felt so safe with him and so tired.

Spencer smiled at her, kissed her forehead before moving around the bed to get to his side.

“Spencer?” he heard softly from three feet away.

“Yes?” he said only slightly louder than Y/N.

There was a slight pause before she said “I missed you tonight.” in only a whisper.

“I was with you Y/N…” Spencer felt her move closer to him, cuddling into him and resting her cheek on his arm as to use it as a pillow. He almost thought she was asleep before she made a quiet sound and shook her head, her breathing slowing down and her face blank.

Watching her, Spencer knew that, even if he didn't want to, he needed to talk to her.

***

The next morning, Y/N had slept amazing, and Spencer had only gotten a few hours.

He couldn't stop thinking about what to say to Y/N without making her feel bad or making himself seem like the victim.

For a genius, he was terrible at being in a relationship.

When he wasn't thinking he was staring at Y/N cuddled upon his arm, her breaths constantly reminding him how much he needed and appreciated her.

And when Y/N woke up she could tell there was still something off. There was a feeling in the room, a feeling she didn't like. The anxiety that was building up in her chest was causing her to panic, it felt like a rope was being tied over her lungs getting pulled tighter and tighter the longer the silence went on. Spencer wasn't in the room, his side of the bed wasn't made, and there was something wrong.

This time Y/N knew there was something wrong, she could feel it when she breathed in trying to provide any relief to her chest. She could feel it when she stood up and felt her body sway, her eyes going blurry then black and when she had to sit back down. She could feel it again when she stood up without feeling lightheaded and felt goosebumps all over her skin. She felt it when she stepped out of their room, not finding Spencer in the bathroom, and saw him sitting down at the table.

Everything was fine yesterday she thought, why was she freaking out, everything was fine yesterday they were smiling and laughing and they cuddled. Everything was fine yesterday she couldn't be freaking out today because everything was still fine.

She couldn't get the air to her lungs.

Spencer didn't notice her.

She could feel the tears pricking in her eyes, reminding her how weak she was, reminding her of all the panic attacking her body. She could felt the rope get tighter.

Her eyes got blurry as the tears she tried hard to keep in got bigger.

She was standing in the middle of the room, freaking out, trying so hard to be quiet, trying so hard to not cry, trying so hard to just breathe. She just needed to breathe. If she could breathe she would be fine.

And that was when Spencer noticed her.

He figured she wouldn't be up for a couple more hours at least, while he knew he wasn't going to get much sleep, he knew that she would need a lot more than him. So he got up, he didn't want to wake her up with his relentless moving, and his restless thoughts.

He thought she’d be asleep for a couple more hours.

But his girlfriend was standing in the doorway of their room, her face frozen her eyes wide, her entire body looked like it was closing in on itself, and she was desperately holding on to the doorway like it was the only way to keep herself up.

She looked terrified.

He had no idea what had happened.

Spencer got up, almost knocking the chair over with how quickly he moved, and going over to her, trying to take in everything that was in front of him.

Y/N couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her face, and as Spencer grabbed her face, she gasped trying to grab onto the air she knew was right in front of her face. It didn't work. She tried again, and again and again, she was breathing in and out with so much force Spencer could hear her voice catch every time.

She was having a panic attack.

She couldn't breathe.

Y/N could see Spencer's lips moving, but the rope was pulling tighter and tighter and all she wanted was to breathe, she just wanted to feel the air in her lungs, she just wanted the rope to stop pulling, to stop pulling pulling her away and she just wanted to listen to Spencer, and she didn't know what was wrong with her but she couldn't

breathe

And everything was blurry, and she could feel the tears running down her face, and she felt like she was suffocating from the inside out and suddenly she was on the floor.

Spencer helped her sit down, trying to talk to her, trying to figure out what was wrong, trying to understand.

He moved her head between her knees, needing her to stop hyperventilating, if he could get her breathing then he could figure out how to help her more.

It broke his heart to see her so scared, to see her eyes look so terrified, to feel so helpless with no way to help. He watched the tears run down her face over and over, and he tried to wipe them away but it was pointless because she couldn't stop crying.

She was still hyperventilating, still trying to breathe, still trying to listen, still still still

And then she was asleep.

***

Y/N was fine when she woke up. Spencer had freaked out when she went unconscious, had checked her pulse over and over again looking for any sign that something was wrong.

But within a minute her heart had slowed down and her body had stopped shaking.

She was fine.

When she woke up, her eyes were sore and everything seemed loud.

Spencer explained to her that she had had a panic attack, he explained that she had fainted, but she was alright, you’re alright he assured her.

“I think your body was building up stress, I think you needed some sort of release from all the stress, I’m not really sure but everything is normal now, do you feel alright? Is something wrong? Do we need to go to the hospital? I need you to tell me you’re alright-”

This went on for a while, and Y/N told Spencer she was okay over and over again until he finally stopped freaking out.

They sat in silence for a while.

It was silent until Spencer decided to speak up again.

“Y/N... What happened?”

That was a loaded question. And it took her a minute to answer, Spencer watched as she stared at the wall before finally speaking.

“I could feel something wrong when I woke up. And- and-” she paused and swallowed trying not to cry at the memory “You were gone, and I just could feel something wrong and so I started worrying- and… I’m not really sure what happened after that.”

As soon as she was finished Spencer intervened.

“I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep last night and I didn't want to wake you so I went to go think somewhere else. I’m sorry I wasn't there.”

“No Spence, it's not your fault, just a lot of anxiety is all.”

Spencer's eyes were on her face, his hands holding hers, trying to make her feel better, trying to make it all better. They both knew there was something wrong.

“Anxiety about what?” He asked quietly, only a whisper, still looking right at her.

“I-” Y/N tried to think, tried to come up with a good way to explain, tried to come up with something that would help him understand. And eventually, she decided to just tell him the truth. “There's been something wrong, yesterday, I could tell there was something wrong, and when I woke up and I felt bad, I was worried, mostly about you and I just” she paused, finally looking at Spencer, “I think we need to talk.”

Spencer swallowed hard, and nodded, looking down at the floor. They both just sat there for a minute, thinking, just thinking. Neither of them knew how to start but they both knew someone had to.

Eventually, Spencer took the risk. “I don't think we talked enough last week… about what happened. I think we both just- decided? That everything was alright but I think we need to talk some more?”

“Yeah- yes. We do.”

Spencer got up off the bed, pulled her hand up gently and, moved her with him to the couch. He said he was going to make some tea, and get her some pain medication, and then they would finally talk.

***

“I’m- I’m not really sure where to start.” Y/N said looking down at her coffee mug.

Spencer sighed “I think I need to start with I’m sorry.” Y/N made a noise and started to talk but Spencer interrupted “No, really Y/N. What I said wasn't meant to hurt you, I never want to hurt you, but I did. And I’m sorry.”

“Spence, it's not your fault, honestly I know I wasn't supposed to hear, and I know you didn't actually mean it, we talked about it last week-”

“But that's the thing, if we had really talked about it last week like actually talked about it, you wouldn't be scared to touch me.” He looked at Y/N, almost as if he was daring her to disagree.

Y/N was surprised, and she stammered out “I’m- I'm not scared to touch you!”.

Spencer stared at her, his face blank and unmoving. Y/N started to get even more nervous and her hand came up to mess with her hair, a clear tell to her lying.

“Well, not really scared,” Y/N looked down feeling guilty, “I- I just don't want to make you uncomfortable.” She said softly, making Spencer smile at her shy voice.

“You don't make me uncomfortable Y/N.” He said, grabbing one of her hands, the other lifting her chin so she would look at him, he gave her a sad smile looking into her eyes. “I wish I had made that clear, you don't make me uncomfortable. You never ever have. What I said was a lie, that's all it was, a lie.” Y/N almost interrupted him but he moved his hand from her chin to her cheek causing her to go silent before continuing “If I could go back and take back those words, and tell myself how much of an idiot I was-” she almost interrupted him again before she put his hand jokingly on her mouth and stopped her once again “I am a genius, but I was an idiot. You’re my entire world, your hands provide me with more light than the sun ever could. And I promise, hey look at me” he said when she looked down flustered at his words, “I promise what I said was a lie.”

He stopped to smile at her, finally feeling her relax under his hand. Spencer leaned in to slowly kiss her, to slowly show her that he meant what he was saying.

When they broke apart Y/N felt breathless.

“Spencer, it's not that I didn't believe you..” Y/N saw the look Spencer gave her and sighed “exactly.” she emphasized “I believed you, but I was worried that maybe you were just saying those things to make me feel better- hey” she said when Spencer tried to interrupt her. “You got to speak now it's my turn. I just I’ve never wanted to make you uncomfortable. And I was worried that you would be, if I- I don't know- like? Touched you too much? If that makes any sense..” she shook her head trying to come up with a better way to explain to him how she felt.

And Spencer waited, holding her hands and waiting to hear exactly what she had to say.

“I didn't want you to feel like you needed space again. And I know you say that you never actually needed space, but I just wanted to be sure. So I paid more attention and I was hesitant because I wanted to make sure you were actually okay with it- and why are you looking at me like that?!”

Spencer smiled at her, leaning in to kiss her forehead, “You’re rambling sweetie.” he said softly, still looking at her like she was the world.

Y/N felt trapped in his gaze, it was so strange to her that she could be crying and passing out and then completely fine a half an hour later all because of him. It was so strange that he had so much power over her emotions. It was so strange that he could look at her like that and make her feel as shiny and bright as the sun.

It made her scared and so so excited, and she was lost for a moment.

They both stared at each other, almost like it was the first time in days.

“Hey wait-” Y/N said suddenly knocked out of her lovesick gaze “What was wrong yesterday? You were acting strange, and that's why I was so worried in the first place.”

Spencer sighed, and rubbed a hand over his eyes, he felt ridiculous just thinking of how he felt yesterday at the bar, but he was going, to be honest with her.

“When you were dancing with Derek and Garcia, I just- I felt uh angry?” Spencer said, sounding embarrassed, and closing his eyes as to not see her reaction.

“Were you jealous?” Y/N asked, and Spencer opened his eyes to see her brow furrowed and confused.

“Not exactly, I just felt angry that you weren't scared to touch them... Like you never hesitated with them. And I just was wishing you were still like that with me, and there was a lot of anger directed at my stupid-”

Y/N stopped him with a kiss, not wanting to hear anything else about the way he felt about himself. She thought it was crazy he was angry at himself for just feeling.

“You shouldn't be angry, and you shouldn't feel bad. You’re allowed to feel uncomfortable- you’re allowed to just feel things, Spencer.” Y/N said in a small outburst.

“I know. It's just ridiculous that I’d ever think I felt like that. And anyway, you believe me now right?” He asked looking right at Y/N making sure whatever she replied with was truthful.

“Yes, I know I’m the sun blah blah blah-”

Spencer stopped her by throwing her back against the couch.

Y/N squealed as he tickled her, straddling her so she wouldn't let go.

“You are the sun, you’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen-”

“Stop stop! That-” Y/N gasped “that tickles!” she said laughing, as Spencer continued to torture her.

“That's kind of the point sweetheart”

“Stop Spencer! Uncle! Uncle! I believe you- just-” she giggled squirming under him “stop!”.

They were both breathless and laughing by the time Spencer was finally done.

Smiles were permanently stuck to their face as they looked at each other, as they finally felt like they were finished with their problem, as they finally talked.

The way they solved their problems wasn't ideal, and they were going to have to practice and learn. But they loved each other, and that was enough to keep them both going.

“Y/N you are the most beautiful thing ever. And now that I’ve known you, I don't think I could ever live without you. I hope to be stuck with you for the rest of my life.”

Y/N smiled at Spencer's words, and she couldn't help but feel like she was on top of the world.

“Well Spencer, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And I know I’m gonna be stuck with you for the rest of my life…” she stopped and smiled at him teasingly “unless of course, you need space..”

Spencer stared at her shocked for a moment, before picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder, as she squealed and laughed for what felt like the 10th time today.

“What are you doing?!?” Y/N shrieked, mock hitting him on the back.

“Oh don't worry my dear, I’m just going to show you how much space I really need..”

A/N:

I: am open for requests :)

thank you for reading. i think you’re so beautiful. take care of yourself lovie.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid imagines #emily prentiss x reader #criminal minds x reader

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yunhostinyuyu · 3 years

Text

marks

pairing: bad boy!san x fem reader

genre: college au, suggestive, almost smut

wc: 3.1k

synopsis: Y/N swore herself to never get involved with people like Choi San: the typical fuckboy. She hated him (or she at least made herself believe she did) but thats the exact reason that drew him towards her...

warnings: teasing, making out, mentions of sex, alcohol and drugs

—

„look at who we have here? Y/N doing her dirty laundry, never thought I’d witness that.“

you were hunched on your floor with baskets of freshly washed clothes all around the floor. Whipping your head to the door of your dorm‘s bathroom, and you immediately regret it. The cheeky comment came from no other than Choi San - Resident fuck boy and unfortunately, your roommates best friend. He is the type of guy your parents would warn you from. The type to play with a girl until he’s satisfied and dips right after.

The type of you you would never want to get involved with in any sort of way.

But, since he hangs around your dorm frequently and you share a few classes and lectures, that was not easy. Crashing on the couch you bought with your roommate bought together when you moved in, more often than you’d like. Throwing certain looks at you when you entered the lecture halls or passed by him when he was chatting and smoking with his friends off campus. Never letting you breathe for a single moment, he enjoyed teasing you. Needless to say you hated his guts for many things, and he just added more reasons to your imaginary list with every passing day you saw him around campus.

Meanwhile, you’re lifestyle was the complete opposite of his, being the well mannered and friendly classmate, the typical nice girl everyone thought you were - and what your parents wanted you to be. Of course, you were not always like that, especially around your friends. With them you could act the way you truly are, and that was anything but the front you put on most of the time. But San made you drop any sort of friendliness to curse at him every chance you got. And right now was no different:

“Fuck off Choi. Wooyoung isn’t here, so leave.” you spat while not paying anymore attention to him, instead going back to the task at hand.

Taking a few steps towards you, inspecting the room as if he had seen it for the first time, and paying close attention of you putting clothes out of the washing machine. His eyes paying close attention to your hands that move in fluid motions.

“I know, but he’ll be here any second.” Trailing off, and you decided to not even answer him - he isn’t worth your time or nerves right now, after all he just wanted to get under your skin and rile you up. And the less you talk, the better.

He hums to himself, as he bends down to pick up one black, lacy pair of undergarments, inspecting them closely. His thumbs grazing over the neat material, fingertips holding them up in the air. You don’t realize he took something from the basket to your left until he comments on them.

“Are these new? Must be, huh... your little ass would look sooo cute in them. Are you gonna wear them for me one day, Y/N?” his low voice echoed through the tiled room, and you are fast to react: snatching the pair of panties back, out of his grip and throwing it back into the basket. Scoffing, showing your stride at him without any hesitation. “In your dreams. Now, leave me alone. I’m not gonna repeat myself, Choi.” Your features twist as you grow more and more annoyed with him.

“Oh don’t worry,” he backed up a few steps, but the cocky grin stayed on his lips, “with that attitude I’ll most certainly dream of it.”

You heard the door twist, which could only mean that Wooyoung was finally here to save you from any further suggestive comments. Considering you couldn’t stand anything more that was about to leave his mouth.

Admittedly, San has his reputation for a reason: him being one of the most handsome guys you have ever laid your eyes on. And if he wasn’t such an asshole, there would be a possibility you’d be interested in him. And yes, if the stigma that your parents had embroidered into your brain, that ‘sex is bad’ and to stay ‘pure’ until you’re married. If you could push that out of your mind for good, you would be maybe like San. Maybe, you’d even be with him... but god forbid he would ever find out you thought of him like that, especially when you had one of your moments, late at night. If he would know about your honest thoughts, he would use it to his advantage. He wouldn’t give in until he got his way with you - in his very own way.

“San-ah! Come on, we gotta go!” your roommate screams and prompts the visitor to get going quick.

“Too bad, guess I’ll see you around, Y/N. Maybe one day my dreams will become reality nonetheless.” He turns on his heels and dashes towards his friend. The repeating sound of the lock falling into place made you sigh out loudly, pressing your forehead against the cold material of the washing machine you’re still sitting in front of.

Incidents like these are not new and you have already gotten used to San having zero shame when it came to anything even remotely personal or sexual. He knew how he comes across, which only scores him more and more girls to take home and to make his body count grow rapidly. But until now, it hasn’t worked with you, and he’s trying time and time again to wrap you around his finger. Without success.

And you planned to keep it this way.

–

“I hate you for dragging me here.” you groaned after you kept chewing on the rim of your red cup. The girl on your right ignored your comment and kept scanning the crowd.

It was unbelievable, but yes: you were stuck on a frat party... again. Your cousin Mijung needed to meet a guy she was planning on hooking up with, and you lost a bet, so you had to go with her. In secret, she was still scared to go by herself and you wanted to help her - regardless of that you hated parties like this. Obviously, you hoped that she wouldn’t leave your side too soon, but at the same time it only meant you could get home earlier, which was a win in your books.

„Sure you do. But I don’t care right now, because you owe it to me. You could let loose for once and also get some good di-“

„No, I’m not, and you know I can’t!“ you cut Mijung off and she lifts her hands up in defeat.

She just scoffs while scanning the place for faces she might recognize. “Yes, yes I know. God forbid your parents ever find out your at a party like this, or even have sex. But they have nothing to worry about.” Thinking to yourself that they really do not need to worry, but deep inside you wanted to do all these things that you got restricted from. Forcefully restricted yourself from, and the longer you thought about it, you wanted to go against it. Date and sleep with guys as you please, live a little. But still, something unknown was holding you back from it.

“You know it’s not just that but also-“ you started explaining yourself for the nth time in your life, but now she cut you off and hopped off her barstool. The man she was waiting for finally appeared and she left with him after they exchanged a quick peck as a greeting. Being uncomfortable with the scene, you fumbled with your phone in order not to look awkward or out of place - but that’s exactly what you were. And on top of that, you were alone.

You held your phone tightly in your grip, watching over the intense crowd, people on people and the sight made you nauseous, especially when you locked eyes with someone that was kissing or grinding on each other. You wanted to be able to do those sorts of things, but at the same time it scared you, almost disgusted you. But the sting of alcohol in your cup that you barely drank made everything worse. The situation altogether was just too much for you.

“Now look at that, am I high or is the notorious Y/N at our place?”

You cursed to yourself when you recognized his voice.

“Fuck off, Choi.” was the first and only thing that you could think of while still scrolling mindlessly through your apps to appear busy.

He slides into the seat Mijung left empty just a few minutes ago. “Now, you know that doesn’t affect me. I just wanna talk a bit. I’m not feeling getting hammered tonight if I’m being honest.” He started a conversation and you forced yourself to look at him. He looked too good to be true with his messy hair and black shirt and jeans. But you ignored his visuals in order to give him a strict look.

“And what do you wanna talk about? We never talk. And I’m not gonna be here for much longer anyways.” You explained and San rose and eyebrow at your comment. “Oh? So we’re do you plan on going?”

You didn’t know, since Mijung was left so early, you haven’t given it any thought other than going back home, even if it was too early to leave, but yet dark outside.

“Home. To my dorm. I hate places like this.” You looked away, and he noticed your discomfort. The atmosphere was really awkward between the two of you. As a result you turned slightly away from him.

He sighs, “You know, we can go somewhere quiet.” You adamantly shake your head at his suggestion, “no, I’m not going anywhere with you. You’re aware of your reputation and so am I. I’m not doing that.” you spat disheartinly, assuming it was another one of his attempts to get into your pants. But surprisingly, it wasn’t.

“No, you listen now,” he took hold of your arm and twisted you back to face him. “You’re uncomfortable here, I can see that. I’m taking you to my room. And not to get with you, but because I promised Wooyoung to take him home when he’s completely wasted tonight. I can take you home then alongside him.” he says and his brows furred a little.

Wooyoung was someone you trusted, so if he trusted San to take him home when he’s completely shitfaced, then maybe you could also trust him? All alarms went off in your head telling you he was anything but trustworthy. But as you looked into his eyes, there was something genuine about his offer. But after a few moments of thinking, you gave him the benefit of the doubt: you complied and nodded, “okay, but just because Woo trusts you.” But that was enough for him.

He got up and urged you to come after him, walking up the stairs until the loud noises from the other people steadily died down. After the two of you entered his room, your nervousness und sense of awkwardness disappeared again. Even if it was San, you were used to him, to his presence. And it was better then to be lost and alone downstairs.

“Make yourself feel at home.” He introduces you when he plops down at his bed, while you took a closer look around his personal space. There were plenty of books on his shelf, a flag hung up on the wall, and the desk was messy in books and other stuff he used frequently. To be honest, you imagined his room to be more messy, but it was just a kind of creative chaos.

The silence in his room was thick. He watched your movements closely for a while, but you tried to give him not much attention, even if you felt his stares linger on you. Minutes passed until he started to speak up again:

“Do you mind if I ask you something? I’m kinda curious, y’know.”

You turned around and look into his eyes, that are loosely hidden behind his dark strains of hair over his forehead. Arms pushed behind him on the bed to support his upper body, leaning back. You walk back a little until you sit down in a giant bean bag that was in the center of the small room. While you adjust yourself you look over to him once again, signaling him to continue talking. He sits up a little, leaning forward, elbows resting on his thighs.

“You know, any other girl would beg me to fuck them if they were in your spot. Why are you so determined to do anything but that?”

Taken aback, you knew San was bold, but you didn’t expect him to go there, especially not at this time, when he offered a hide out for you so considerably. Shrugging your shoulders you dip your chip to your chest and try to figure out a way to answer his question.

“I’m, uhm, I’m... it’s just not my thing.” You stutter out, and you are pretty sure you have an aura of uncertainty surrounding you. Of course, San picks up on it:

“Wait, not your thing? What kinda guy did you sleep with that make you think that way about sex? Or girl?” His facial expressions clearly confused, not yet understanding your reasoning.

You stayed silent. Because you couldn’t muster to say the truth: you haven’t. Yes, you were a still a virgin, in college. Nobody knew other than Mijung, not even any of your closest friends. And the fact that San was this close to discovering your secret, or probably already did, made you anxious.

“Mmh, I get it now. You never got laid. Not even once in your life. Am I Right?” He assumed and hit the nail right on the head. You wanted to cuss him out, hit and slap him, but that would only prove him right. The blush that crept on your face was answer enough for him. He stood up from his place on the bed to sit back down next to you on the floor. You couldn’t look at him, because of the pure humiliation he’s putting you through, trying to get swallowed by the fuzzy material of your seat.

“So that’s the reason you’re acting like this most of the time: you have never gotten any action together than with yourself. How am I only just now figuring this out?” He chuckles, having you in a spot were you couldn’t get out as easy as you’d like. Still not opting to speak, gnawing at the inside of your cheek instead, but you don’t need to anyway, because he continues to piece the evidence together.

“Wooyoung once mentioned you had strict parents, you know. Judging by how you act around your friends, I didn’t think you’d care about what they thought, no? You’re well past the age of being ‘daddy’s good girl’. And also by the way you throw shallow insults at me every time we are in the same room, I can tell you that you’re anything but the nice girl your parents want you to be. That’s not the real you. But Y/N, you know it’s your life? You can do whatever you want? If you want to take drugs, take them. If you want to smoke, smoke. If you want to get dicked down, then for fucks sake get some! You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

Stunned by his rant, you scanned his face for any signs of emotions, but it was really hard to tell what was going on in his head. He sighs and dips his chin to the side, before finding your eyes again, taking your hand into his rough ones. The physical touch had a certain effect on you, and you wanted to be closer to him. Your future self your probably slap yourself in the face for this, but right now you got lost in his dark eyes and deep stare. Feeling vulnerable under the intensity of his gaze, not knowing what to do or say. Taking a quick breath, you uttered under your breath “where is this going, San?” Against all expectations, he smiles.

“Anything that happens here, between you and I, nobody else is gonna know about it. Not a single soul.” His hand slowly start to wander up your arm, touching the skin of your neck and threads his fingers through the strains of hair that rest on your shoulder. You don’t feel anything other than the alarms in the back of your mind slowly subside and be replaced by other thoughts.

“Just tell me no and I’ll stop.” His voice comes out raspy and seductive, and it sends waves of arousal down your core, even if the only physical contact you two had was from his wandering hands. The thought excited you, and he had a point: you could do whatever you wanted, and up until now, the consequences would keep you from giving into him. But there are no worries of the sort holding you back anymore, and if it was only for tonight, so be it. He was to strong, his effect was too strong.

His eyes never leave yours, until you give him an answer.

“Yes, okay. Yes I want it. I want you to show me what I’m missing out on.” You brace yourself for whats coming next, but nothing could prepare you for what he had in mind. He grabs your hips to lift you up, and in shock your arms fly to grab his shoulders. He settles you down in his lap, hands immediately find your ass and grips the flesh through your jeans. You both lean forward, hot breath mixing and hitting your faces. That was until San looses his patience just a few seconds later and presses his lips onto yours. And it wasn’t like anything you have ever felt before.

The two of you move in sync for what feels like ages, his tongue entering your mouth and taking the lead as he continues to grip your waist and butt to draw a few whimpers out of you. Your fingers found their place in his nape and gripped his hair as you busied your mouth with his. He breaks the kiss and moves down towards your neck and starts to suck on your skin, making marks blossom in shades of red and purple.

“If you want this to be a secret, you should make sure to cover up your marks later, because I’m not letting you go without adding my mark to your beautiful, beautiful body.”

Eyes blown out in lust, and you died in anticipation. He sucked more and more hickeys until he was satisfied with the finished product. He lifted his head up again and you wanted to kiss him again.

But then, you heard something hit the door from the outside, followed by a thud and a load groan. “San-ah! Let me in, I need to -“

—

#wow idk why either just go with it #ateez #ateez au #ateez fic #ateez writing #ateez x reader #ateez san #choi san #ateez smut #ateez suggestive #san x reader #san x you #san fluff #san smut

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toosweetfiddlesticks · 3 years

Note

Can you do Bakugou x soft (male or gn) reader meeting a Karen and go creative with it hope you have fun

Big Meanie

Paring: Barista!Bakugou x Soft!Gn!Cashier reader

Warning: Karen being a Karen, cussing, bakujealous, Bakugou calling you a big meanie, not proof read

Catoergy: Comedy

A/N: Thank you for the request!!

Summary: boom boom man gets upset because you didn’t let him be the Hero of the day.

—————————

As you unlocked the door, you huffed a breathe of anxiety out and tried to build up as much optimism you could for your first day. You felt a mixture of anxiousness and excitement boil in you.

With a smile full of courage, you stepped into the clean kitchen. The lights contrasted and dimmed the already dark morning sky as you felt a cool breeze from an opened window. The hall was a bit dimmer from the kitchen so you turned those lights on for the rest of the co-workers. An ash halons hair boy was currently wrapping the store’s iconic colored apron around his waist. He tighter his grip as he caught a glismp of you.

“Good morning!” You spoke softly, but cheerful. You flashed a small smile but his demeanor did change. He held his solemn look at you when blood red eyes. “So...how was your sleep?” Your excuse of small talk feel short the silence in the air seemed to be even more awkward between the two of you. He grunted and muttered something under his breathe before speaking.

“Don’t forget to clock in.” He ignored your question which honestly, did not bother you. You took his warning and walked out to the time clock, punching in your time. Silence swallowed you both while once again. Ok y/n, your co-worker may not be the most friendliest, but hey it’s only your first day, how bad can it be.

”Also,” You head shot up from the time clock. Your co-workers back facing you. “Don’t talk to me, you boring extra.”

——————————

You began to start your third day shift with a proud smile on your face. As you made your way to the time clock to punch in, greetings of waves goodbyes from other workers thats shifts just ended, you’ve met made your start of the day feel even better. Humbly, you waved the two men off.

“Bye Kiri, bye Denki!” Denki giggly waved his hand in the arm with excitement as he happily walked with Kirishima.

“Bye Y/N!” The sharp tooth man cheerfully sang his farewell. His arm hugging around the shoulders of his shorter blonde hair friend. But before the two could fully walk out, the red head immediately turns back around, as if something just came to mind. “Also” he added, “watch out for the Karen’s.” Your head titled with puzzlement.

“The Karen’s?” You kept your question in your head and before you knew it, the two was gone.

But you shrugged it off for the day and continued to go back to work.

——————————

“Hey move it extra!” Bakugou’s voice arose from behind you like a sound of a hurricane warning. You huffed a little and stepped aside from the time clock. Tiredly, you twisted your body around and leaned against the wall, facing him with crossed arms. Your eyes dropped a bit and your eyelids cried to close. But though you body was ready to sleep, you were wide awake..kinda. You manage trying to hide your weary face. Holding a hopeful smile and you greeted Bakugou.

“Morning Bakugou.” There was a small chance he would really greet you back with a morning salutation. Today was not the latter. He’s body seemed a bit stiff, he’s face looked alive and refreshed, but his body slouched a bit. Turning his head to you, an eyebrow raised at you.

You stiffened a bit, you leaned off the grey wall with a feeling of astonishment , “Wow that’s new.” A notion you told yourself.

Still, he said nothing, leaving you two both in somewhat awkward silence. By the looks of it, he was staring with bit of puzzlement in his eyes. He’s red eyes sparks with a look of examination. As if he was searching for a look, or scanning your farcical features like a robot. He was just standing there, arms crossed, eyes stern, eyebrows furrowed. It seemed like forever before you two said anything.

“Are you tired?” Bakugou finally spoke that shock you. You were a bit taken a back at his response but nodded you head. He grumbled something under his breathe and signaled you to follow him. “Come here,” he sighed.

You’re eyes widened, but you obeyed and follow. As you walked, you could hear his small mutters and talks but couldn’t understood a thing he said. He walked a little slow than usual, like if he was trying to make sure he didn’t leave in you in the dust.

The walk was short and you made it to the destination in no time. He groaned as you got there, the kitchen area. Your eyebrows drew with concern.

Backing up a little, you spoke “Uhm, look if you’re gonna splash me with water-“

But your cautiousness was only mocked by small chuckles that bubbled up in Bakugou as he picked up a plastics cup.

“No I won’t, ya idiot.” He interjected, “What’s your type of coffee, you like Frappuccino or somethin’?”

——————————

“Hey, Cashier Extra!” Y/N nostrils flare with heavy air leaving them. For the past three months and a half, you’ve been having to deal with one of the biggest meanies they had ever known in their entire life. Originally, you thought you were confused at times by him.

Bakugou Katsuki was one of the hardest people work with sometimes. It was like he had a whole book of mean names and rude comments. Or looked up how to send the worlds most bone-chilling stare. And after a long tiring day of work, right as you’re are about to clock out, you hear the small words “bye extra” leave his grumpy little pie hole. You wondered why his rude one point, then nice another.

Y/N briskly huff, straightening out any wrinkles or creases in your pale button up shirt. “Yeah Bakugou?” Y/N tried to give Bakugou the most genuine confusion on your face. Though Y/N didn’t find a lot great characteristics of Bakugou, but they knew that Bakugou was a smart man. He quickly caught onto their small frown creasing at the sides of their mouth and y/n bothered eyes.

But unlike usually, Bakugou’s face didn’t seem to get annoyed at that. No, instead, how facial expressions seemed to go down a little. Bakugou’s eyebrows furrowed, from y/n couldn’t tell what was on Bakugou’s mind. He’s volcanic eyes seemed to be put out.

Y/N would almost say the usual solemn face of Bakugou Katsuki just broke away for a minute.

Bakugou caught himself, the dust of his volcanic chucked up as the lava came back into his eyes, keeping a stern look. Though Bakugou wouldn’t admit, Bakugou had definitely fallen for Y/N strong admiration for this job and their determination. He’d give them the compliment from time to time, but to wasn’t as much as he wanted to say.

“Just make sure you remember to clock in.” He mumbled softly, Y/N could barely even hear it. They nodded, a bit confused, but nodded and almost went on to work like usual. “Hey!” Bakugou stopped Y/N in their tracks, “Be cautious of Karens.”

The name still confused you to this day, but once again, you shrugged it off with a nod and carried on.

——————

This would have to one of the most crowded shift you’ve ever had, ever. If you were a customer, driving up into the driveway, you would’ve definitely drive straight out by the amount of people parked or in the driveway, getting their order taken their.

Bakugou, Denki and six others carefully rushed with the drinks, other orders holding up on the racks. Kirishima, Mina, and another worker kept up their the best they could, taking people’s orders from the drive through, then there was you and three other cashiers. You four had to take the orders as smooth and quick as possible, all of you praying that the customer will have a little bit of compassion and patience. Lines of people excitedly waiting to order the new drink the shop put out.

The Christmas Chocolate Winter Cream. Your new enemy, almost every single child, adult, teen, everyone was asking and wanting that “creamy delicious coffee”. Who even lets their child drink coffee! You didn’t want any part of it.

“Stupid coffee ice cream, its not even December yet!” You quickly grumbled under your breath.

”Uhm, excuse me?” You nearly forgot about the rush hour at work today. Hastily you straighten your spine. The customer was a lady, maybe in her late 50s. Her pale skin wore brightly colored pigment over its wrinkles and creases. Her hair was short but bumped up and curled.

“Oh I said, hi welcome to StaryBunkers,” You correct yourself quickly, trying to pass your entirely different words as the same, you grasp notepad and it’s thin paper in one hand, and a pencil in another. Forcibly, you gave the customer a fake smile that would impress the greatest actress. “What would you like for today. Behind your fake smile and your facial creases, you internally prayed with every god, deity, and goddess you know, hoping that they wouldn’t say..

“The Christmas Chocolate Winter Cream,” The older lady grasp her young daughter tightly that was so short, you just now noticed her. She seems to be up to her mother’s knees. “make that two please, today’s my girls big day!” The woman’s words didn’t invoke any feeling of excitement that usually does when some says big day to you.

“tHe cHirStmAs cHocOlatE wIntEr cReAm”

Your sighs of annoyance was held captive in the bars of your fake smile. “Of course!” Your forgery of cheerfulness impressed your cashier partners who’s fake smile was somewhat stiff and expressionless. “Birthday I presume?” You ask, the pencil’s tip close to the paper, ready to write.

“Yep!” The little girl chirped, her two brown pigtails swinging with you as she nodded her head. Ok you had to admit, the little girl was very sweet and cute. She single handedly made your stressful day a little bit better (ugh what a queen, we stan)

Your smile became more genuine, you heart even warmed a little.. “Coming right up, wait a moment please.” You paced hastily behind you, internally wishing you could spend you whole entire day in the back. You made your way quickly to the kitchen, hoping the customer were the patient type as you heard the shouts of anger coming from the drive through. You took a quick glance at the altercation.

“I SAID CHRISTMAS CHOCOLATE WINTER CREAM,” The customer aggressively yanked the the lid up. “THIS ISN’T ENOUGH CREAM!” The white and red haired boy calmly his hands out, trying to rationalize with the person.

“Sir, ” He spoke with dullness, “Thats how much cream comes with it.” But the customer only got even more hotheaded.

“NO IT ISN’T!”

“Yes it is.” Todoroki scrunched his face up, “You don’t even work here, how would you know?” Todoroki, unknowingly made the man even more upset which cause the drink from his hand to fly out towards him. You panic, rushing over there the close the door before it was too late. But, the man was quicker, and as the drink came rushing to a motionless Todoroki, a body came rushing in to take the hit, Kirishima.

“Brrooooooo” He said in slow motion. “Poor Kiri” you internally spoke with pity. And as the man ran away, kirishima’s stomach burned from the heat of the coffee. You cringed at the sound of his small whimpers of pain. “F in the chat.” You busy back to the kitchen.

The steam from the coffee makers brush against your skin, squeezing out a very thin layer of sweat on your cheeks. Quickly, you yelled.

“Two Today Specials for Cashier number UNO,” the Barista’s groaned, “AKA Y/N!” You yelled again for clarification. They, annoyedly, went back to work with the drinks again. The most pissed out of all them though was Bakugou. Not cause of the loaded day. But because everyone was going to “slow”. He huffed, panted, scream, yelled, intensely ordered and more,

The man was like lighting, filling up cup after cup after cup.

“Move your asses!” He sealed three cups and handed them to Mina, “Y/N stop wasting your time back here and work!” Your posture caved in, but you obey his command like a solider obeying their Sargent.

“Aye aye, Captain.” You sang jokingly. And while the others smirk and giggled amongst the stresss, Bakugou arch an eyebrow at your jokes and went back to work.

You happily went along to the front again to update the mother and the daughter about their meals. But as you approach them, you could hear the mother’s now bewildered voice. It was like cat nails to a chalkboard and her voice was crackly.

Her scream filled the whole place, putting a pause on the whole day. You internally panicked, not only can you feel the wrath of the woman from where you were standing, you could also feel the piercing and grim stare of Bakugou behind you. Once again, you we’re praying to gods, goddess, and deities. Praying that whatever is out there won’t eat you alive. Swallowing down your fear, you began to walk, with the feeling of it stuck down in your stomach.

Once you were in her eyesight, she swatted her daughters arms. And like a puppy, the girl immediately obeyed, handing her phone to her. The lady was obnoxiously grumbling words under breath as she pressed record. And with a large gulp she began her fit. You knew exactly what was gonna happen.

This..this must be the Karen they’ve talked about.

“SAY HELLO TO THE MEDIA!” Her voice sings with pride, “THIS PERSON MADE MY DAUGHTER WAIT ONE HOUR FOR HER DRINK-“ Your eyes grew with shock at the woman’s words. But before you could say anything, the cashier next to you, Deku interjected. His arm reached over to hover over your body as a means to protect you.

“Hang on now!” He argued. “You’ve only been here for three minutes!” You nodded in agreement. Pushing Deku’s arm up to cover your face from the camera.

“I’m sorry for the wait ma’am” you apologize, “But all you had to do was wait a couple of more minute-“

“DO YOU SEE THIS?” The woman ignored your remarks and claims, instead focusing on her own, “THEY ARE TRYING TO DISCREDIT ME AND MY NINE! YES NINE! YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!” She waved her phone in her daughters face like she was evidence. She waved, hopped, and dance around the counters and to other people’s table. “HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE DRINK HERE!” Her words and movements were melodramatic and over the top.

And after her little rant to the people, some of which left, she stomped her way back to you and Deku. This time, she had a nasty smirk on her face and a hot drink in her free hand she stolen from another customer.

“Ya know what!”

“Oh no not this again”

Hastily, you moved Deku and you away from the woman’s sight. You two ran into the back kitchen to Chef Ramsey Bakugou. Who was now even more pissed. Not only did Y/N make a Karen mad (ok he knew it impossible not to make them mad he’s just stressed). But no, instead of running to him, Y/N runs to Deku first?! Man’s got his priorities straight.

As Deku quickly runs over the back area to get his phone, you rush over to Bakugou and the others in panic. “Bakugou, call the police!” The others around quickly take of aprons and another things at the words of that. Police involved?? Yep they think a murder just went down. But Bakugou just grumbles and huffs.

“No.”

....

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO!?” Bakugou looks at you with bewilderment, this is his first time hearing you yell at him that way. But before he process the fact that a cinnamon bun is yelling at him, you began to grasp and shake at his shoulders. “THE LADY IS TRYING TO KILL ME!”

“WELL YOU SHOULD’VE CAME TO ME INSTEAD OF FUCKING DEKU FOR PROTECTION..” Bakugou fumbled and shouted through his words. “Y-YOU BIG MEANIE”

You two went silent after that,

Big

...

Big Meanie?

Deku came out from the back with his phone, “Shoto!” Todoroki’s head jerked towards his way. “Help me with the Karen!” Todoroki nodded.

————-

Finally, the situation was under control, the Karen was banned from the coffee shop, Mina and Denki gave Kirishima some aloe. And while things didn’t really calm down until the day was done, everyone seemed a bit less tense, expect you and Bakugou. For the rest of the day, he was knocking over cups, using wrong lids, and spilling coffee. Dude’s lucky that he wasn’t fire. He felt embarrassed by the way he reacted. Now Y/N probably saw him as some type of control freak. Tensions were high and he was stressful.

Bakugou quickly moved pass the others, trying to clock out early before Y/N sees him-

“Hey Bakugou” Bakugou internally groaned at the sound of your voice. Screw you plot device he said to himself. Bakugou turned his head to the side to face you. Yo he side view is lowkey cute you noted. “Could we talk outside, after I clock out?”

Oh how badly Bakugou wanted to say no. The pit in his stomach grew bigger as he nodded.

“Great, just give me a second” Bakugou nodded once again and quickly clocked out. He’s footsteps echoed in his head as he waited outside, leaning against the glass wall of the store.

He didn’t know what you were gonna say, but he had an idea of it. He annoyed you to no end, made things harder for you, and was never truly nice to you that often. How was he suppose to believe that you would like a guy like him in anyway? He internally frowned at his thoughts, the words eating him up and chewing him out only to get stepped on by the crushing feeling of doubt.

Once he saw the buildings door open with you coming out to join him, that crushing feeling of doubt covered and weighed down on him. This was it he thought. He shoved his hands into his pockets, readying himself for the painful impact of rejected.

“Bakugou..” you softly asked. Bakugou hmm’d at you with a feeling of shame boiling inside.. “Did you mean it when you said i was a big meanie?” Bakugou let out a sigh of pain.

He caught onto your words late, “Look I’m sorry for-what?”

“You called me a big meanie.” You mumbled, “and I was wondering if you were serious because one, you’re like 23.”

“I’m 16” he deadpanned “Like you.” You ignored him though.

“and two, you’re the one who’s been acting like a big meanie.” You accused which wasn’t contradicted, “And all cause you like me huh” Bakugou opened his mouth to spew his defense, but nothing came out but a small “I”. He sighed defeatedly.

“Im sorry,” He spoke. “I just, didn’t know how to tell you or whatever.” He spoke so awkwardly and shy. “I’ll uh, I’ll leave you alone or whatever.”

You drew out a finger, objecting. “Hold on now,” you replied. “Who said I didn’t like you?” Bakugou’s heart sparked at those words, he lifted his head, red sparks in his eyes. “Hey what can I say? A big meanie like me likes big meanies too.”

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a-ard · 2 years

Text

JUST FINISHED RE-READING SOUL EATER AA. THOUGHTS BELOW

I enjoyed it a lot more than what i’d expected??

I looove the characters and I love the ending.. It left me with good feeling. Idk man i think good shonens truly are the one that ends without getting stretched out into 300+ chapters.

It’s like KNY in a way? Without most of them dead for shock value. It starts when they’re teens and it ends when they’re teens. None of that Naruto-Bleach ending shit. You don’t need to know if Maka or Soul get married and have kids. You just need to know what happens after they beat Kishin and thats it!!! THAT’S WHY I LOVE IT SO MUCH

And i knoooow they have those pedo fanservices and my bar for shounen mangas is in hell, but Maka, Soul, and the gang actually have such fun and healthy friendships. AND KID TURNED OUT TO BE COOLER THAN WHAT I THOUGHT HE WOULD BE? He’s not annoying at ALL?? Like he’s your typical rich boy shonen mc but he’s actually dependable, trustworthy, and living up to his shinigami title. A BETTER shinigami than his father was

Also Maka is suuuuch a good female mc i love how Atsushi wrote female mcs tbh. She has self-doubts and problems without making her too self-conscious. I think Atsushi wanted (?) to make a love triangle but just stopped churning and deepening the new female character, INSTEAD i love how he wrote Maka not acting typical “tsundere” like she actually knows how popular Soul is, and she understands why he got so many fan letters and it’s like their own little inside jokes you know. She’s not worried at all like aaa it’s already 100x times better than how Kishimoto wrote female characters

And Soul actually cares so deeply for Maka auuuurr whenever he defended her or calmed her down... SNIFFLES. I love these kids so much man

THE FEMALE VILLAINS ARE ALSO SO. SO SEXY???? AND GOOD?? AND WELL WRITTEN???? AND HAVE THEIR OWN PERSONALITY?? MY BAR IS IN HELL WOW. You know how shonen usually use mother or sister to reassure you how this female characters are good and kind and wholesome or whatever. But in SE the villains ARE a mother and a sister. Atsushi doesn’t even try to redeem them by giving them sad bg story. They’re just... evil. And I appreciate that.

Other thing that I enjoyed was how Atsushi drew them with different clothes everyday. and not ugly shit either. like i know he bought fashion mags for references

So yeah I guess i can totally recommend you to read SE. Again, cw for pedo fanservices. Other things that I wish Atsushi did is show Maka’s mom at least?? I haven’t and don’t really intend to watch the anime but in the manga you didn’t see Maka’s mom AT ALL... Since she’s so powerful I think it’s a bummer to not show a litttleeee glimpse of her.

Alsoooo i just don’t like that Marie and Stein had baby together as some kind of “fixing” their lives. Ohh boo Marie was a single adult woman desperate for having a husband before her biology clock ends and booo Stein was mentally ill without standing close to Marie’s soul wavelength. It’s just... so stupid and simple and disappointing after all that battle and how you can see that both Marie and Stein were finally gaining their own self-confidence.. Stupid. WITH ZERO CHEMISTRY. Stein got that hots for Medusa and explored Spirit’s body and you’re telling me he’s Marie’s baby daddy????

MARIE AND JOE WERE IN LOVE AND CUTE AND THRIVING LIKE. STEIN DOESN’T DESERVE HER AT ALL PLEASE THEY WERE GOING TO DINNER AND JOE WAS LITERALLY HEAD OVER HEELS FOR MARIE AA. again. stupid

Hmm what else.. oh Atsushi drawing SWANA characters like that he needs to go to JAIL. Chrona’s end was also unnecessary. They’re just a little kid and I just wished Atsushi gave them a happy ending after all that demonic torture they went through :(

Anyways.. I’ll give SE 9/10. Not 10/10 because some of the characterizations pissed me off. Totally worth to read though. Simple and fun. My faves so far are Kid, Maka, Sid, and Mira ofc ofc. Sid and Mira are the only sane adults and by FAR the sexiest partner in the entirety of SE

#soul eater #personal #IT WAS GOOD

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rickriordanfandam · 3 years

Text

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below)

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong.

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up. the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more

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