#i hope everyone's had a lovely march 5th! i would love to look at the fanart but im still not done with reload...

[crescentfool]

so you want to use OBS

hello! i’ve decided to compile information on my OBS setup and some resources that have helped me along the way.  this is mostly for personal reference, but maybe others can make use of this information!

some notes before i get into it:

i use OBS for both offline recording and (twitch) streaming. any footage i record is edited using DaVinci Resolve 18, which is free.

most of my OBS captures are of video games (through a USB capture card, specifically elgato), and the occasional screen/application capture (like clip studio paint, and sometimes PC games).

as such, the information here is reflective of these experiences. this post is not comprehensive to all of OBS’s features- this is just an overview of the settings and configurations that are most relevant to me.

with that out of the way, all the information will be under the cut!

Basic Setup

file format:

how to change: settings -> output -> recording -> recording format -> press “apply” once finished!

I save most of my recordings as .mkv files- it supports multi-track audio! i prefer .mkv over .mp4 because if your power goes out, you still have a recording to work with. 

.mkv files can be read by DaVinci Resolve without an issue- but for Adobe software, they'll need to be remuxed to .mp4 within OBS! (file -> remux recordings -> press the … to select a file -> press the “remux” button)

video resolution and framerate:

how to change: settings -> video -> output (scaled) resolution

my obs canvas is @ 1920 x 1080p (16:9)

i switch between 720p and 1080p as needed! if you're concerned about space, you can probably just go for 720p. i also record at 30 fps, simply because that’s what my capture card supports.

video bitrate:

how to change: settings -> output -> encoder settings (located in both the streaming and recording tab) -> press “apply” once finished!

bitrate is a bit of a doozy to explain, but the most important thing to know is that bitrate affects your video’s quality. lower numbers = lower quality, while higher numbers = higher quality. 

generally speaking, you'll want higher bitrate when you're recording things with high depth of information (e.g. you’d want a higher bitrate for something fast-paced like splatoon, compared to a slower-paced game like animal crossing).

my video bitrate is either set to 3000 or 4000 kbps! and here's some of my other (related) settings while i'm at it:

you can put your bitrate at much higher values than me if you're a stickler for quality- but keep in mind that a higher bitrate means:

bigger file size

more information to upload (when streaming)

your computer will need to encode more

i’d recommend reading twitch’s guidelines on encoding, bitrate, resolution, and framerate to get an idea of what values to pick. for people who are doing offline recording or streaming on a different platform, i suggest googling the appropriate resources!

multi-track audio:

this is mostly applicable to anyone looking to do video editing!

multi-track audio basically allows you to separate your audio sources (e.g. discord, game audio, and your own microphone) into different tracks. 

this is an immensely helpful tool because it lets you adjust audio levels in post-production (editing). some examples of how this can be used:

increasing someones microphone volume if they speak too softly

increasing/decreasing game audio

muting swear words/sensitive information

completely muting voice call + microphone if you want to upload a no commentary video

and more!

to set this up, take a look at your audio mixer panel, and press the ⚙ icon. this will bring up advanced audio properties.

by checkmarking a track box, it puts the audio on that track. to make the above screenshot easier to digest:

track 1 consists of ALL three audio sources- desktop, elgato, and microphone.

track 2 only has the microphone audio.

track 3 only has desktop audio (i use this for voice calls)

track 4 only has the elgato capture card audio (game audio). the volume has also been lowered so that any speaking voices can be heard clearly.

tracks 5 and 6 are unused.

you might be wondering, “why do all three of these have 1 checked off?” this is what i call the universal audio track. i recommend having a universal audio track for a few reasons:

when you stream from OBS onto twitch/youtube- you have to select ONE audio track.

it’s also a nice backup in case you didn’t separate your audio correctly.

if for whatever reason you need to move around your individual audio tracks in editing, the universal track acts as a nice reference point.

mark off your audio tracks for each audio source as you see fit! once you’re finished with the advanced audio properties, go to settings > output.

for the streaming tab, you’ll want to have the number of your universal audio track selected. in my case, that will be audio track 1.

for the recording tab, checkmark all the audio tracks that are applicable to you (in my case, audio tracks 1, 2, 3, and 4). by default, only audio track 1 is selected.

if you don’t check off the additional audio tracks in the output > recordings section, you will not have access to those audio tracks in editing, and you won’t be able to edit your audio tracks independently of each other. so don’t forget to do this! 👍

custom browser docks

custom browser docks are a great tool for when you’re streaming and want to have access to your twitch chat and/or activity feed! (or if you wanted to have some other web browser on OBS).

to create one, go to docks -> custom browser docks.

you’ll be given a table interface that asks you to put the dock name and URL. for streamers who want to have chat and alerts available, do the following:

on twitch’s homepage, go to the upper right and click your icon

then, click creator dashboard

once you’re on your dashboard, go to stream manager

click the vertical “...” on my chat OR activity feed.

press “pop-out chat” OR “pop-out activity feed”

copy and paste the link into the table back into OBS

press apply once you’re done

click and drag the docks around at your leisure to put them where you like!

if you ever decide you don’t want to have something on your OBS dock (or want to bring something back), go to the toolbar, click “docks,” and click the appropriate dock!

third party things

a section of optional things that you may enjoy having.

streamlabs alerts

this is basically for anyone who streams and wants to have their chat and/or follower notifications visualized on screen!

streamlab alerts can be added to OBS by adding a browser source into your scene, and the specifics can be customized on streamlabs itself. it’s pretty self-explanatory, so i’ll just leave a link to streamlabs website, where you can log in using the streaming platform of your choice: https://streamlabs.com/

discord overlay

this is a browser source that can be set up to show people who are in a server's voice chat and who speaks. i recommend this to people who make multiplayer content- it can help viewers distinguish who is who but also it can be helpful in editing.

to set this up, go to https://streamkit.discord.com/overlay, click “install for OBS,” and after logging in with discord, go to “voice widget” and click the server and voice channel you want.

you are able to apply CSS if you'd like more control over the visuals, but the standard layout tends to work fine for me! a search of “discord overlay css” on youtube can help you get more information.

veadotube mini

this is a pngtuber software that a friend recommended to me! no webcam is required- mouth opening and closing is based on your microphone input!

you can download it here (it’s pay what you want!): https://olmewe.itch.io/veadotube-mini

for a proper tutorial on how to use it, i recommend checking out the app's documentation, which you can read here: https://veado.tube/help/

source record

have you ever wanted to stream something with a chat overlay/layout, but wanted your recording to ONLY be the gameplay? or maybe you wanted to record BOTH your gameplay AND your webcam so that you can have a crisp zoom-in on your webcam!

source record is a third party plugin that can help you with that!

the general gist of source record involves applying the “source record” filter on either a scene or source, and customizing the encoding settings accordingly. the exact details of how to set it up is beyond the scope of this post, so I'll just direct people to this video instead (it was very helpful to me):

⚠ a quick note about source record: this plugin can be intense for your computer. be sure to do test recordings and the like to see what your computer can handle (and see if the recordings come out the way you like). it took me a few tests before i settled onto something i liked!

you can download and install source record here: https://obsproject.com/forum/resources/source-record.1285/

vdo.ninja

have you ever wanted to do a collaborative video or stream where you feature someone else’s video on your stream? or maybe you’re doing a multi-person streaming event! vdo.ninja is the perfect tool for you!

vdo.ninja turns your OBS virtual camera into a browser source link- which your collaborator can add on their stream! this is a new tool that i’ve added to my arsenal recently- since my friend and i are planning to stream a side order challenge together! i’ve still got to iron it out a bit more, but i like what i’ve used of it so far.

try it out for yourself at their website here (with documentation and demos available on the homepage!): https://vdo.ninja/ (no downloads required!)

ok! i’m set up! what now?

and with that, that’s all of the settings and tools that i thought would be worth mentioning! while most of my setup was written with video games in mind, some of these plugins and setups may be applicable to other types of videos (e.g. tabletop gaming with a physical camera)!

now that i’ve outlined all these settings, i have one more thing i have to say: regardless of what you're using OBS for, do a test recording before doing anything “official” with it. this recording can be as short as 30 seconds. it’s a good habit to develop that can make sure your streams/recordings turn out the way you want them to!

here are the kinds of things i like to check! it’s not an exhaustive list, but this can be a starting point:

video:

does my video look the way i want it to (and can my computer handle that)?

can my computer handle the load of encoding? - OBS will note in the bottom if the encoding is overloaded. if it can’t handle it, turn down your bitrate or adjust other encoding settings (e.g. i had to toggle psycho visual tuning OFF because it was causing lag)

this is especially the case if you're recording PC games- you don’t want to have slowdown on either your game or the recording!

audio:

are my audio sources (e.g. desktop audio and microphone) correct? - if you plug/unplug devices a lot, be sure to check this (settings -> audio).

are any of my audio sources muted? - make sure you don’t have anything on 🔇 if you don’t want it to be muted! otherwise the audio will be lost forever… (i lost my friend’s VC audio once… it was sad)

are my audio tracks separated properly? - requires you to boot up your editing software, but it's worth doing! for the test recording, just have something from all your sources playing at once, and see if your editor has things separated into tracks.

can i hear the voices clearly? or does the music and/or game overpower them?

if for whatever reason your OBS crashes, or you want more information on anything “critical” or “warning” worthy in your set-up, you can go to help > log files > upload current log file > analyze. crash logs currently can’t be analyzed by the log analyzer- but they’re a valuable tool when asking for help on the OBS forums!

and that’s all! for real, this time. i hope that some of these tools and settings can help anyone wanting to get more out of OBS. there’s definitely other things i didn’t touch upon (e.g. audio filters for noise compression, suppression, etc.), so i suggest doing your own research and trying things out!

happy recording/streaming, and thanks for reading! ✨

#lizzy speaks #this was a fun little write up!! i've been slowly getting some of my friends into video making teehee and its SO FUN!!! #(digital) video is like one of my other passions next to art. everyone say thank you splatoon for getting me back into it again <3 #i've been using obs since like 2018 so i wanted to share some of the things i learned for funsies... i really love video... #but also i like having reference posts like this in the case people have questions they want to ask me... #because i don't always remember what video tutorials i watched and it's nice to document that somewhere... #warning to anyone who reads it this is like 2.1k words. i do want to stress that this isn't comprehensive but there's still a lot of info #that i wanted to put for this post...! that said topics like designing your own stream layout + assets for it are NOT in the scope of this #post and nor is this a beginner's guide to obs (i wrote this with the assumption that you know how to record and/or stream and that- #people already have an idea of how to use scenes and the different types of sources obs can use). #i hope everyone's had a lovely march 5th! i would love to look at the fanart but im still not done with reload... #but im hoping to finish it by the end of the month!!! yipee!!! #Youtube

[socksracoon10]

Waiting For Nothing

Pairing: Legolas Greenleaf x F!Reader A/N: I haven't written for LOTR for a while, so I thought I'd make ya'll sad with this angsty Legolas fic. Have fun! The hearts of the warriors are often small; they've grown accustomed to fighting and death. And in each battle they fight, a layer of their heart sheds off. It falls to the ground, and rejoins the earthly soil to be reborn in another's. The scars remain, but the feelings behind the memories will slowly fade, until there is nothing more than the shell of a man who attained glory with his rotting heart a testament to the last sliver of hope that echoed in the beating of his heart.

Your heart was rather large. Having lived most of your life as the poor peasant girl with no relatives by blood, Edoras welcomed you into open arms. You were friends with almost everyone, especially with Théoden's niece, Éowyn, who quickly became your best friend - Théoden even considered you his niece as well because of how close you two were. The two of you would go riding on horses, galloping around in joy as you remained oblivious to the impending doom that would soon terrorize the entirety of Rohan in just a matter of a few days.

"I can hardly see why you roam this castle so willingly when we know your place is outside in a small hut…" Grima Wormtongue spat when you had walked past him. You glanced at him over your shoulder, your lips sharply turning into a scowl. The audacity of that vile creature to even speak in your direction. You huffed out in annoyance, biting the inside of your cheek as you chose your next words, carefully.

"Bold words coming from a creature that is more disheveled than an Orc," You snickered before haughtily marching off.

Within hours, you were kicked out of the palace and exiled from Rohan. You were back to being an orphan, right where you had started. Éowyn had looked at you with such pain in her eyes but she knew that if she were to act out against this cruel decree, she would face a similar fate and nothing could be done to save the Kingdom she so dearly loved.

Living in the outskirts was not as easy as you had initially thought it to be. In your mind, you had foolishly assured yourself that since you had been in this condition before everything would come naturally. It wasn't until the first hour passed did you sorely miss the place you once called home. With nowhere to go, you wandered around aimlessly, circling the borders of Edoras repeatedly to keep your mind occupied. By the 5th day, you swore you were dying due to starvation and thirst. You could barely move, your body lay stricken on a rock as you gasped for air. Your head tilted slightly to your right, the pain in your stomach blooming to elsewhere in your body and from afar, you noticed three horses charging towards you. You couldn't even sit up properly to examine the incoming invaders, and you weakly lifted your hand, silently begging for help.

The three horses revealed their masters on top of them, a tall dark haired man, another being that resembled a wizard and on top of the third horse was a dwarf, and in front of him the most beautiful elf you had ever seen. You had heard stories of elves before in your life, ones that were told by Éowyn, but never once did you think one would be standing right before you. If you were to die in this exact moment, you would've been very pleased that you at last saw an elf.

The man jumped off his horse and crouched down to your level, feeling your forehead before turning to the elf,

"Legolas, fetch her some of your Lembas bread, and you Gimli give her your water." The man instructed; not knowing whose name belonged to which creature, you looked between the four beings with curiosity, despite being so near to death's door. The elf crouched down besides you, allowing you to drink some water before chewing on his bread. Your hunger knew no bounds and you chewed and chewed, swallowing whole lumps of bread as you slowly began to regain some of your health. The man sighed in contentment, giving you a soft smile before standing up to walk towards the Wizard. The elf, on the other hand, stared at you with a gentle smile on his face and kept offering you food until you said no.

"What's your name?" The man asked,

"My name is (Y/N) (L/N)," You whispered, taking another sip of water. You coughed a few times, swallowing thickly before meeting his gaze.

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gandalf the White, that is Gimli, son of Gloin and over to your left is Legolas of the Woodland Realms." Aragorn exclaimed, gesturing towards the elf beside you. You glanced back to face the elf, a small smile forming on your face. After acquainting yourself with the 4 beings, they heard your pitiful tale and realized that Rohan deeply needed imminent change. They allowed you to accompany them, seating yourself behind Aragorn as the horses charged forward.

Your eyes, however, remained glued onto the elf. You noticed his soft features, the way the wind seemed to swirl around him and only him, and his piercing eyes that scoured the land before him with diligence. His silence captivated you, and you did not know why.

With Grima Wormtongue out of the way, and your adoptive uncle restored to his glory, it seemed that you were finally welcome in the castle. Éowyn had rushed forward, capturing you into a warm embrace before kissing your forehead. She grinned at you, holding onto your arms ecstatically as she danced to and fro, dragging you deeper into the throne room. As she tugged at your hands, you glanced to your right to find the elf conversing with the dwarf, the both of them walking in the opposite direction with concern glazing their eyes. You wanted to listen, you wanted to be a part of them… but you did not know why. You yearned for the chance to just be alone with him, and whether it was good for Rohan or not, the chance soon came when everyone was ordered to seek shelter at Helm's Deep.

"You're rather quiet," You chirped, catching up to Legolas. The walk to Helm's Deep was excruciating and you feared that the boredom would kill you before starvation or even worse - the Uruk-hais. Legolas smirked, his lips curving ever so slightly upwards before he turned to face you,

"Forgive me. I am not one to converse so easily in such pressing times. Though, of course, must you include Gimli in our conversation, I shall pass a few jokes at his expense." He glanced over his shoulder to face Gimli atop his horse; the dwarf shook his head and grumbled,

"I'd cut yer pointy ears off if ye try to embarrass me in front of this lassie," He scoffed and you let out a laugh, before turning to Legolas,

"Come now, surely you would be able to carry a conversation without teasing the poor dwarf!"

"Perhaps, but I do not know for sure," He sighed, before resuming his silence as he watched the horizons.

Legolas knew. He could sense your attraction towards him, but he chose not to say anything about it. He hoped that it would pass, that you would not be bound at his feet, desperate for his affection. Because it would never work, and he did not have the heart to admit that he did not have any feelings for you. You were trying so hard, trying to spend more time with him. You were trying to distract yourself from the doom that lay ahead of you because everyone knew how big your heart was; all you could ever do was dream.

Éowyn and you had both tried to convince the King to let the two of you fight. There was nothing for you to lose, you both loved your Kingdom, tremendously. But as Aragorn reminded Éowyn of her duty, you turned to face Legolas whose piercing eyes never once left you. His lips formed into a thin line, and he followed Aragorn out of the room, leaving you in your thoughts.

"She's very affectionate towards you," Aragorn pointed out as they were leaving,

"I'm well aware," Legolas responded.

"What do you plan to do about it?" The man questioned.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Legolas, perhaps-"

"Perhaps we do not speak of it." Legolas jeered, his brows furrowing at the rightful heir to Gondor. "We have more pressing matters to deal with, the lives of 100 thousand men are at steak tonight."

"Ignoring her will only heighten her love for you, she will be desperate. She will be fooled into thinking that she has a chance. If you are going to reject her, at least have the courage to tell her directly!"

"That wee lass will be devastated," Gimli chimed in, fixing his helmet, "You sure you don't feel anything?"

"I'm positive, I do not." Legolas grimaced and shoved past his two friends to grab his arrows. The incoming surge of Uruk-hais was his primary concern, but the guilt he felt as he killed one after the other tormented him. With each arrow he shot, he felt his burden increase tenfold. Aragorn and Gimli were right, but why could he not bring himself to tell you the truth? To tell you that he had no feelings for you?

Because… then he would be lying. He watched you from afar at times, watched the way you'd dance with Éomer, your arm wrapped around his as you skipped around. You'd stand beside Théoden to catch a breath, your eyes searching for Legolas and when they landed on him, he'd instantly look away - as if he wasn't staring at you. As if he wasn't infatuated with you the same way you were with him. He was lying to himself, he wanted to break free. He wanted to stand near you, to hear you constantly chittering about something; his heart ached at the sight of you fondly playing with some children. His mind roamed to thoughts that turned into dreams; dreams of you and him together. But this was wrong, all of this was wrong. He would only live a short life with you, and when you died, he would spend the rest of his life in solitude.

He'd seen it with his father. He'd seen the way his mother's death impacted him; he was not a man of many words, but his cold demeanor lingered around Legolas, a constant reminder of the similar fate he'd feel if he decided to indulge in his present feelings. He decided that he had to do something about it, even if he couldn't face it himself.

"Would you like something to eat?" You asked, toying with an apple as Legolas tended to his horse near the campsite. He glanced over his shoulder, looking at you with solemn eyes. You could've sworn a tear drop cascaded down his pale cheeks. He harshly took a deep breath in, and shook his head,

"It is alright, I do not need anything to eat." He responded, his fingers wrapped around the reins of his horse.

"Well, perhaps I could offer you something? It is not material…" You began, stepping forward with hope in your eyes. It pained him, it pained him more than anything else in the world. He could not bring himself to do this, but at the same time, it would be even worse to accept your affections.

"Lady (L/N), please." Legolas exclaimed, finally meeting your eyes, "Do not continue. I… I cannot accept your affection."

You paused in your tracks, looking at him with wide eyes.

"I do not… envision a future of us two living a happy life." He was searching for proper words, his head turning around the room as if he was physically swimming through his thoughts, "I… My heart is heavy, I have never felt this way for anyone. I do not want to be the one to burden your heart, but I am afraid that you must keep those feelings to yourself. There is nothing that I can do. Nothing we can do."

"I… You… You don't even know what I was going to say…" You reasoned, and Legolas let out a huff,

"I do not need to hear you say it, I already know. I've seen the way you look at me, the way you tend to me. I am forever in your debt for your kindness, I thank you for it. But, it cannot continue. Aragorn, Gimli, and I will be leaving tonight." Legolas murmured, tugging on the reins as he drove his horse forward and away from you. Your heart sunk at his words, unsure of what was happening.

This couldn't be happening to you. Not before you even had the chance to tell him how you felt. What if he realized how true your love was for him? What if this was the last time you ever saw him?

"I shall be waiting for you." You stated, swiftly turning on your heels to face his departing form.

"Don't, you'll be waiting for nothing," Legolas whispered, his eyes softening at your words.

"Nothing is… indeed something," You breathed, your fingers linked together as you began to fidget, nervously. "Perhaps, you'll understand. Perhaps you'll… come back."

"Perhaps, but I would not count on it." Legolas sighed, before hopping onto his horse and riding off, leaving you alone for the night.

"I see you've told her how you felt," Aragorn had asked Legolas when they were far from Rohan, "Does it feel as if your heart is lighter now, with nothing to worry about?"

Legolas paused, hearing Gimli grumble a few curses under his breath regarding the elf. He opened his mouth to speak, before closing it. The elf thought deeply, his mind was utterly blank and he hated it.

"I feel…" He began, "I feel as if I've only made it worse. Not just for her, but... for me as well." He swallowed, thickly, before glancing over his shoulder to take one last look at Rohan. The wind was still, there was not much that he could hear.

Except for the beating of a very large heart that painfully yearned for him with each fleeting second.

#writing #fanfiction #fanfic #legolas x reader #legolas greenleaf #legolas #legolas greenleaf x reader #legolas x you #legolas x y/n #lotr #lord of the rings #the hobbit #the lord of the rings #lord of the rings fanfiction #lotr fanfiction #lotr fanfic #lord of the rings fanfic #the lord of the rings fanfiction #legolas greenleaf x you #legolas greenleaf x y/n #orlando bloom #orlando bloom x reader #orlando bloom x y/n #orlando bloom x you

[jo-harrington]

Hell - Vampire!Eddie Munson

Summary: Vecna, weak and wounded after the events of March 27th 1986, seeks to enact revenge on those who foiled his plans. And his key to such revenge? A boy left behind, barely clinging to life.

Warnings/Themes: Angst, Violence, Kas!Eddie/Vamp!Eddie, Vecna Lives, Body Horror, Blood, Physical and Psychological Torture, Manipulation, Brainwashing, Necromancy, Loss of Soul, Transformation, Major Character Death and Rebirth, Other Biblical and Literary References

Note: So…welcome to my take on Vampire/Kas!Eddie. This fic, entitled Hell, can be read as a stand-alone, but is essentially going to be one of three companion prequels to a Vamp!Eddie AU fic I have in the works. I want to finish FF and get a few more chapters of Store Manager Verse published before I really start working on this idea…but with tomorrow being the “anniversary” of Eddie Munson’s “death” in the Upside Down, it only seems poetic to explore this first.

That being said, this fic and the subsequent fics/chapters in the series will not be for the faint of heart. Please check the above warnings and ask yourself if you are in the correct headspace to proceed. I am happy to answer any questions via PM or Ask.

You can find the As Above, So Below masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

"And I looked, and beheld a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him."

—Revelation 6:8

In the beginning, there was pain.

Enough pain that it should have been The End.

Eddie believed the pain meant The End.

But he had never been so lucky to experience the end of any suffering before, so he should have known better.

He couldn't recall the moment Dustin's hands were wrenched away from his body, leaving him floating in the darkness. Or the way his body felt before the teeth ripped into him. Or the act of kindness that led him to this horrible punishment.

The road to Hell was paved with good intentions. It vaguely echoed in the back of his mind, taunting him.

And in some way, Eddie Munson always knew he was going to Hell.

Just not like this.

First it seized his body and paralyzed him, as acrid tendrils poisoned his veins and his heart and his mind; he briefly recalled reading about Komodo Dragons in 5th grade. The way they ripped into their prey and let the venom work slowly and painfully to overtake them before the feast could begin.

He would not be a feast for the creatures of this realm but for their Master. Repentance for their failed tasks. They would not feed again until he did, wouldn't taste power until his was regained.

And feed is exactly what Vecna did.

The tendrils carded through Eddie's memories and poisoned them: his hopes and fears, everything and everyone he loved and held dear. His joy and indifference and hatred.

They decimated everything good; ripped them up from the roots and salted the ground below them, only leaving unrecognizable scraps behind. Then they latched onto the bad with no intention of ever letting go. Suckled on his sorrow and his hatred gluttonously.

Vecna especially liked to graze on the pain though; those morsels were most succulent and came in abundance. It was never enough, though; in the howling silence, even more pain was willed into existence.

You are alone. They are at fault. They tricked you. Sacrificed you.

Eddie never had a reason to let the pain weigh on his heart before, but his tormentor would see that rectified. He would break him down...

They left you behind. Left you to this fate. Left you to me. To do with you what I please.

...Until he no longer felt anymore.

And do to you I shall...

After eternity had passed, Eddie's body was unceremoniously dragged across the barren, uneven earth of the Upside Down. He watched the chilling, sizzling, flashing of the unfamiliar sky as he was transported for miles and miles, ad infinitum.

Until a threshold was crossed, and he entered the next circle of unending torture.

His carcass was rent into unnatural shapes, bones cracked, the marrow scraped out. Skin was flayed, flesh split open, until his barely-beating heart was on display and blood splashed weakly onto the over-saturated ground.

His eyes though...remained.

For some reason, Vecna wanted him to see.

The eyes are the windows to the soul, after all.

So he let Eddie stare at the rest of his collection—an unfinished one, but an impressive one nonetheless. He let Eddie stare at the looming pillars; at the empty sockets and gaping maws. At twisted husks that would never truly be filled again.

Because he wanted Eddie to choose to lose his soul. Wanted him to sell it. To trade it for salvation, lest he end up like the others.

It was almost disappointing at how short a time it took...

It was only a day—a day of staring at Chrissy and Fred and Patrick—before he wailed so wildly and begged so loudly that his jaw unhinged and every part of him truly became broken.

And at that moment, everything Eddie Munson was or had been or could ever hope to be no longer belonged to him. He was ripped apart both literally and figuratively. Whatever damage the bats had instinct to cause, it was but a mere drop in the sea of carnage that their Master endeavored to create.

He could sense the creatures around him, sense their anticipation to frenzy. Whether that was to fight or to feed, only time would tell.

They had worked tirelessly to stitch him back together. Followed their Master's instructions. Some were sacrificed to the cause: their bodies freely given, because their minds would remain.

Part of the greater whole.

He would never be considered whole anymore, but he was possible more than whole; the extra pieces sustained what would have perished due to the crucial part of him that was missing.

"Rise," a groaning, creaking voice sounded and all went silent. As all the creatures of the Upside Down witnessed the completion of a wicked metamorphosis.

The product of their collective toil began to writhe and twitch as it was reborn.

Resurrected.

"Rise," Henry repeated, "and become what you were always meant to be."

And in a realm full of monsters, the thing that rose was truly monstrous.

Leathery wings. Rows of teeth, too many to fit so they left his jaw unnaturally wide. Talons that could rip. Eyes that could cut through any sort of darkness.

He wouldn't bow. His Master remade him so he would never bow. But he still knew his place.

This gift he was given could easily be taken away. He wouldn't squander it.

He made a vow. A promise.

He would serve.

But he made a promise before, he recalled.

A promise not to be a hero.

And as a consequence of breaking that promise, he could never be one again.

Eddie always knew he was going to Hell.

He simply never thought he would become the Prince of it.

“You are privy to a great Becoming and you recognize nothing. You are an ant in the after-birth. It is in your nature to do one thing correctly: before Me you rightly tremble. Fear is not what you owe Me[.] You owe Me awe.”

—Thomas Harris, Red Dragon (1980)

#Eddie munson imagine #Eddie munson angst #Eddie munson horror #Eddie munson stranger things #vampire!eddie #kas!eddie #stranger things fic #As Above So Below

[sapphicsmaximoff]

ease into it (pt.3) - wanda maximoff

a/n: thank you for the support! i hope you all love this story as much as I love writing it!

Story Masterlist

Wanda was obsessed with you.

She didn’t think so.

It was something she tried to forget, because she thought she was just infatuated, and maybe it was something that would pass. It didn’t.

She wasn’t a stalker, but she genuinely was in love with you. By anyone else’s standards, it’s borderline obsession. She remembers where you live because of that time you invited over the 5th grade class over for an end of the year party.

Back in middle school, she tried to rekindle the friendship between you in 6th grade, but she got sucked in with her brother’s friends. So she tried to keep tabs on you through listening to your very loud conversations with MJ and Kate.

Why did she let you go?

Why did she let these people that didn’t know you determine who you were based off look and their perspective of you.

You’d been outed in 4th grade for liking her, something she secretly hoped was true despite Emma and Natasha not being able to stop their laughing when it was revealed. She liked you back. But you were nine, and Emma, and Natasha, and Jean, even Pietro, were in her ear.

They always had been, still were. So when middle school came around, specifically 7th grade, Wanda became unnecessarily cold. She called you a bunch of mean names on the last day in front of everyone. You hadn’t been doing anything, but you were too shocked to notice Emma and Jean laughing in the background.

God, she hadn’t meant it.

Your day had been ruined. This day specifically was why all of your friends question your half a decade long crush on her. She wished she could’ve apologized, but you were avoiding her.

Crawling into yourself, becoming way more sheltered. It was her fault. This is the point where she became complacent. She just watched as her friends tore into you. It hadn’t stopped at you being a lesbian, it got worse as you gained stress weight.

When you lost it, it wasn’t something they hadn’t noticed, but they knew they made you insecure about it. But then…you joined marching band. You played softball and soccer.

You had the grades to help with the tutoring center, you started being better than them in other aspects. Wanda was happy for you. 9th grade changed a lot for her. She’d heard that you were seeing Jennifer Walters over the summer.

The bullying got so bad you had to transfer for 10th grade last year, but you came back. But of course, the incident had occurred, and it followed you when you eventually had to come back as your father couldn’t afford an arts school.

One day, you were privately writing down intrusive thoughts. The girls, referred to as “Ice Queens” were harassing you the whole period. This was a class you had with none of your friends, so torment ensued.

Emma grabbed the note, and her eyes widened as she showed it to Wanda. It wasn’t meant for her, but you were very upset about them laughing at you. You had to let it out to let it go. But they weren’t going to let this slide. You told the vice principal that you did it, and you got three days of out-of-school suspension. You then moved out of town a week later.

When you did move back for last semester, the first of junior year, she expected you to ignore her forever, but when you’d been forced into a group together, she had to (not really) act like she hated it. She didn’t. She hadn’t been that close to you since 4th grade. Since your party the year after really.

She expected you to ignore her, but when you called out for her, she had no idea why she came at you so cruel. Guess it was a reflex. Then later that day, they were walking in the quad when a soccer ball hit her so hard in the back of the head that she fell forward.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry!” You ran over to Wanda. “Are-Are you alright?” You went to help her up, but Emma pushes you away. She wanted you to help her up. But then she tuned out Emma and Jean harassing you as Natasha helped her up.

When she was turning to say it was ok, you fell right on your back. The next day, you ignored her. You talked with MJ, and looked past her like she wasn’t even there. Then, you mentioned Jennifer.

She had no right to be jealous, but she was. The next day was Friday, you’d been texting Jennifer all day during class, and in Physics which was interesting. Later that day, she followed you to the tutoring center.

She frothed at the mouth when you pulled off your hoodie and pulled on your name tag.

Tutoring. She forgot you did that. She remembers Vision and Quentin mentioning they payed you to do all of their work so that they could stay on the team. She needed tutoring.

AP Geography was kicking her ass…

Yeah, that works. “AP Geography is kicking my ass, and I saw you leaving Mr. Spector’s class, so maybe you could help?” Solid. So like the stalker she was, she signed herself up.

AP Geography wasn’t too hard actually. Worksheets, DBQ tests, and Vocab. That was it, but she was lazy. That’s why she had a 68 in that class. The next day you didn’t show up to English.

You were in the restroom with Jennifer, but Wanda didn’t know that. After free period began, you were told by the librarian, Ms. Potts, that you had a new tutee. “Cool, what’s their name?” She searched through the sign up sheet.

“Uh…Wanda Maximoff.” Your jaw almost dropped as your eyebrows raised in shock. “Pardon?”

“Wanda Maximoff, dear. I know…those types usually don’t come here, but you’re the only one who signed up to do AP Geography, told you to do CP.” You chuckle as the woman gives you a small smile.

“Thanks, Ms. Potts.”

Wanda was 10 minutes late. Probably because she was changing to look presentable. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to be late, but-“ You resist the urge to sigh, but not roll your eyes. “No, it’s alright.” You sigh, taking out some papers.

“So…you’re taking Spector, right?” Wanda nods. “Okay, cool. I took his class last semester. I think this’ll be easy. What’s your grade?”

“Uh…68, I think.”

“Okay, well-“ You then yelp out in pain as you turn your neck, a weird crack stopping your sentence. “Ah! Fuck…” You try to roll out your shoulder, but the pain shoots up your arm.

“Are you okay?” Wanda asks with worry as you shake your arm. “Ya know, I wanna say yes, but lower back, my neck, my ass…”

“If you’re not feeling good, we can just-“

“No! No, it’s alright. Uh…” You sit back down. “Does this have to do with Wednesday? If it is, I’m sorry, and I wanna he-“ You shake your head immediately.

“I don’t need your help.” She shuts up, and you didn’t feel bad about how cruel it sounded. “6 years, and you care about me now? Ya know what…just…” You groan again, shaking your arm.

“I think I fell to hard…my arm’s killing me. My-My lower back is stiff beyond belief…you’d think that little fall couldn’t do this much damage, but…” An instant wave of guilt washed over Wanda.

“Ya know what-“ You pause to cringe at the pain. “Uh…I’m sorry. Just uh…ask Ms. Potts for a refund, and we’ll do this…Monday? Is that okay?” Wanda nods.

“I don’t need the refund, so you can keep it, and I know this doesn’t mean much from me, but I hope you feel better.” You nod with a thank you, as she packed up and left. She was halfway down the hall, when she made the mistake of looking back in the library’s glass walls.

There you sat with Jennifer. She was massaging with one hand your arm, and rubbing your back with the other. Bruce sat across from you both, showing you an actual prototype rocket. Your awe seemed contagious, but Wanda’s awe stopped as she bumped into someone.

“Wanda! My darling, why haven’t you answered my calls?” She didn’t know why. She almost forgot she was dating him. “Gosh, Vis, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s alright! I called last night to say Pietro and your father made reservations at Valeska’s for dinner tonight. He’s taking Jean, your father’s bringing your mother, so they extended an invitation. If you’ll have me.” Vision was so…not kind, but patient, and understanding?

“Um…” Why me? “Yes, obviously. You don’t have to ask anymore, Vis.”

“Splendid! I’ll pick you up at around…7?” Wanda nods with fake enthusiasm, and he kisses her on the cheek. A sigh left her lips as he walks around her and off to class. Wanda sighs, walking out to the now empty quad, pulling out her notebook.

She hadn’t written a song since you stopped hanging out. Her father wasn’t a fan of the arts. You loved music though, and of course she’d listen to you. Seeing you again gave her an energy that Vision hadn’t given her in several years, she decided to write. She had to write.

And of course she thought of your face the whole time. She was going crazy watching you be with someone else, and she needed to get over you soon.

Taglist:

@mymommawanda @lainjupi @natashasnoodle @goodness-gaycious @geico-insuranc @idk-what-i-stan @wandaspov

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #marvel #wanda maximoff au #wanda x y/n #wanda x you

[mulling-over-milgram]

My current Remi theories

Agghhh I’m very late….but here we go ^^;

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡༻ੈ✩‧₊˚₊

TIMELINE SPECULATION

Okay so first of all again starting with a timeline. Now Remi’s recordings seem like they could be over the course of multiple years? So since as far as I’m aware we don’t know what year tsumigram takes place I’m going to be referring to the first paragraph of recording one as year 0001 and then if I believe the year changes 0002 so on and so forth so keep in mind I’m not actually referring to the real life years 0001 , 0002 , 0003 ect ect.

“Summer is ending. Let's stop already, how long are we going to chew on this cold food?” End of august

“Spring is ending. We part and come back together, this must be a form of true love for you; though as for me, I'm not so sure.” End of may

“Winter is ending. Closeness never matters; they switch their opinions in an instant, and always, always, always, always choose someone else instead.” End of February

“Autumn is ending This was a game of play-pretending for everyone but me; right, I wanted a place I and others could belong to, but as I've seen through lies, I'm burning down the theatre..” November/December

“Summer is ending. You simply disappeared without a word; I didn't care, did I care? Too many people, I get lost.” End of August again

Now there are two interpretations since the memories from this recording if my research is correct :

-1) the memories take place over the corse of five years which explains why we start in august the 8th month of the year and then go to the 5th , 2nd , 11/12th and finally back to 8th assuming the recordings are chronological then this is the only answer that really makes sense

-2) the alternative would be that the paragraphs are in reverse order so then you’d go 2>5>8>11/12>8

but I personally lean more towards them being in chronological order because there feels like a progression. In paragraph one Remi asks the other why they are still in this relationship? The relationship to borrow Remi’s metaphor had gone cold then in the next paragraph they seem to be on better terms but still not great then 3 we are back to the relationship being strained and getting worse…it won’t make alot of sense for us to start with “you simply disappeared” and end with “how long are we going to chew on this cold food? = how long are we going to prolong this dying relationship?

The only thing really giving me pause is that its such a long time. 5 years! Remi is 18 thats just under 1/3 of her life time…it makes me feel like I’ve made some mistake in my research….

moving onto the second memory

“Year by year, I look back and feel all the same, let me out of this, let me out of this loop! I wonder what kind of person I used to be before. Is it your fault? Changing me so much. Cherry blossom petals, a wave of crystal water covering my ankles, tender girly laughs from all sides.” CHERRY BLOSSOM’S SAVE THE TIME LINE YET AGAIN :D because cherry blossoms were blooming that places this paragraph around late March and early April.

“Ah, my first ever wish made on New Year night was to meet a true friend. I imagined my own friends, and this is how I became a writer, slowly but surely. I met real friends to grow up with, slowly but surely, but all of them were condescending, and I got trapped in a small box of expectations. “ because its new years eve December 31st

“Warm snowflakes falling from the night sky, the stars are never seen in the city; I watch myself looking up from the sidelines, holding onto the lantern as my last hope.” Now personally I interpret the warm snow flakes line as describing the stars rather than actual snowflakes as warm snowflakes is a contradicting description and the fact the next line literally talks about the stars with that in mind the lantern is the only clue as to wear to place the memory now I’m not fully sure on this but the main Japanese lantern related thing I could find was Toro Nagashi now I’m a little iffy on this since from my research Toro nagashi is mostly about the dead and guiding dead souls but I did see a few places mention wishes “Toro Nagashi is a summer tradition in which people make wishes and float paper lanterns down a river” again I’m really not sure about this but its the best connection I could find so far…this slots (assuming the toro nahashi connection is correct) this memory at the 13th - 16th of August or July.

“Running through a chilly meadow, sun rising and I hold your hand, catching lavender clouds as I stay at home.” Chilly = cold // cold = autumn? September December???

“You're squeezing something heavy with your hands, water covering your eyes, so you can't see what's there; sun’s warmth is on your back, a chill feeling spreading over the body.” Warmth = summer???

I’m quite shaky on alot of the conclusions but my overall interpretation of the time line is.

The trial starts possibly some time in December due to 003’s birthday being soon after T1 starts???

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡༻ੈ✩‧₊˚₊

FULL TIMELINE THEORY

0001 / august / ?? Summer is ending. Let's stop already, how long are we going to chew on this cold food?”

0002 / march / April / ??

“Year by year, I look back and feel all the same, let me out of this, let me out of this loop! I wonder what kind of person I used to be before. Is it your fault? Changing me so much. Cherry blossom petals, a wave of crystal water covering my ankles, tender girly laughs from all sides.”

0002 / may / ?? “Spring is ending. We part and come back together, this must be a form of true love for you; though as for me, I'm not so sure.”

0003 / February / ??

“Winter is ending. Closeness never matters; they switch their opinions in an instant, and always, always, always, always choose someone else instead.”

0003 / December / 31st

“Ah, my first ever wish made on New Year night was to meet a true friend. I imagined my own friends, and this is how I became a writer, slowly but surely. I met real friends to grow up with, slowly but surely, but all of them were condescending, and I got trapped in a small box of expectations. “

0004 / August / ??

“Warm snowflakes falling from the night sky, the stars are never seen in the city; I watch myself looking up from the sidelines, holding onto the lantern as my last hope.”

0004 / September / ??

“Running through a chilly meadow, sun rising and I hold your hand, catching lavender clouds as I stay at home.”

0004 / december / ??

“Autumn is ending This was a game of play-pretending for everyone but me; right, I wanted a place I and others could belong to, but as I've seen through lies, I'm burning down the theatre..”

0005 / august / ??

“Summer is ending. You simply disappeared without a word; I didn't care, did I care? Too many people, I get lost.”

0005 / August / ??

“You're squeezing something heavy with your hands, water covering your eyes, so you can't see what's there; sun’s warmth is on your back, a chill feeling spreading over the body”

0005 / December / ??

milgram

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡༻ੈ✩‧₊˚₊

THOUGHTS ON HER CRIME

Now moving on to what I think remi’s crime is…..I have not idea! That is the reason why this is so late because I am completely lost on what it could be :)

clearly remi was in some sort of unfulfilling relationship were she felt she was giving more then taking , felt neglected and like it was dying for a long while before it actually ended. So her victim is probably that person?

as for the description

“You're squeezing something heavy with your hands, water covering your eyes, so you can't see what's there; sun’s warmth is on your back, a chill feeling spreading over the body.

It's not the time to listen to yourself. It's never the time, remember?

Your knees and hands seem to hurt, but you keep on pushing, can't give up — now or never”

ummm it kinda gives me the vibes of drowning? Like keep pushing = keep pushing the head under water??? Water coving her eyes could be because she’s also under water…? But I feel like “something heavy with your hands, water covering your eyes,” thats gotta be tears right? Like yes it could be a large body of water was involved if so probably the one implied here “a wave of crystal water covering my ankles,”

Her murder location does look like a lake surrounded but trees to me? But that could just be the distortion. That what go me started down the whole drowning train of thought.

(Gorgeous diagram I know)

but just overall I don’t have a strong theory (this seems to be a reoccurring theme….)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡༻ੈ✩‧₊˚₊

RECORDING/UNDER COVER IMAGES

Once again moving on. Time to tackle these two images , her memory recordings and her undercover.

Starting with the memory recording this is alot more abstract then hotaru’s so I feel like the symbolism in it can be read into more. Remi is in space and I feel like space is probably a metaphor for her relationship. Space is cold and a vacuum you can’t speak or be heard in space (without special equipment and the whole no speaking thing is more that if you open your mouth you die and boil/freeze alive but lets put the logistics to the side for a minute) she is surrounded by other planets (possibly reproductive of the other people like the other people implied by lines like “ tender girly laughs from all sides.” / “I wanted a place I and others could belong to” / always choose someone else instead“ ect) and how planets and other celestial objects go in set orbit going round and around on the same path could be seen as similar to how remi describes the relationship “So tiring. I need to break the cycle.” There’s falling star’s in the bg which could refence wishing stars or possibly the concept of star crossed lovers? Or wishing

I attempted to map the planets from the art to our solar system which again not sure if its ment to be our solar system or just a general space setting but if it is our solar system then perhaps we could read into the fact that in this context remi would be on the outer side of the solar system far away from the sun and in the colder part of the system.

unrelated observations that the shape on the side kinda looks like a wave or maybe thats just my conformation bias talking…?

And this art could also possibly reference a magical girl transformation ??? I feel like I’m reaching to much with those last two points tho…

As for the undecover frame we have already seen remi liken her relationship to food “Let's stop already, how long are we going to chew on this cold food?” So relationship metaphor???

there seems to be strawberries in the picture which according to google in japan has symbolism of love and is a gift on valentines day in japan….? it is also apparently a symbol of the goddess Venus which links it back in with space but idk

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡༻ੈ✩‧₊˚₊

MY CURRENT THOUGHTS ON VOTING

I really don’t feel like I know enough to vote her anything….? I went with victim in the end because I didn’t really feel like I had any strong concussion on her situation but I feel like I gotta be missing something cuz it was 50% predator when I originally wrote this section.

#I feel like I’ve failed as a theorist but atleast the post looks pretty! #I didn’t want to read any other theories (not that I really consider this a theory post any more since it amounted to no real conclusions) #Till I finished this so maybe I’m missing something obvious that someone already pointed out #I feel like it the whole time I was writing this or thinking about it I had this consistent feeling I was missing something #But atleast it’s done now…and I can stop feeling guilty that it’s been rotting away in my drafts

[roberrtphilip]

okay just because i really like dates/timelines (hashtag history major) can you Please tell me all the birthdays / ages of everyone in the movies? also any other timeline funfacts/details you wanna include. idk what that would be but that’s just the subject of this post, go ham 🫶

oh absolutely >:)

okay so the first movie starts on May 22nd, 2007 and ends on the 26th. May 21st is the night Giselle dreamt about Robert, she meets Edward the 22nd, meets Robert the 23rd, spends the 24th with him, they attend the ball on the 25th, and kiss on the 26th.

there's nothing I love more than knowing canon dates and I am very Very thankful to whoever randomly decided May 25th would be the day of the ball.

and then Disenchanted takes place 10 years later.

and now, my headcanons !!

For character ages, Robert is 30, and his birthday is September 5th, 1976. The scripts I have are a bit vague with everyone's age, and he's described as "late 20s" in one and "early 30s" in another, so I just stuck him at 30.

Giselle's is even more vague, with her descriptions just being "fair maiden" however in one copy, Robert says that she "looks 23" but he's unsure. I personally put her at 26, with her birthday being February 28th, 1981.

Morgan we know is 6, and I headcanon that her birthday is September 10th, 2000. Her and Robert having birthdays five days apart is inspired by my dad and I (ours are Sept. 6th and the 11th!) because their relationship reminds me of us :p

Sofia we know is a year old, and I have tried so hard to look at background details that might tell me when Disenchanted takes place (at least what month) but none of the event flyers say anything. Nancy says "we missed her birthday last month", so I've just decided it takes place in March, because I headcanon Sofia was born February 12th, 2016.

I can only hope no details come out about when it canonically takes place now because I love Sofia's birthday being right before Valentine's Day and headcanon that, before she had a name, Giselle would always call her "my little Valentine" and it is whyyyy her middle name is Valentine 🤧

and I don't have as many details for them, but I do headcanon Nancy was 32 in Enchanted, and Edward was 28. I liked the idea of Nancy being the oldest for some reason, idk why. I haven't given them birthdays, but I feel like Edward's probably a Leo.

Oh, and another fun canon detail is, according to the credits, Morgan is 8 years old in the flashbacks that play during Love Power. Because of that, I headcanon Robert and Giselle got married May 25th, 2009, with Morgan turning 9 later that year.

also, sticking with canon and timelines, Disenchanted takes place over the course of five days, or four depending on how you view the wish, I guess. cause I've seen some people say the wish reset the fourth day, but when I watched it, I assumed the day still happened, but no one remembered, so it was still technically the next calendar day? But I suppose the day could've just reset too, idk.

anyway !! ahhhhh thank you for letting me talk about this there's truly nothing I love more than 1) breaking down/figuring out movie timelines and 2) giving characters birthdays/ages 💖💖💖

#💜💙💜💙💜💙💜 #lumiereandcogsworth #ask #enchanted #disenchanted #hc #certified enchanted moment™️

[limeadeislife]

I remember, when I took Intro to Psych during my sophomore year of college, the professor said something once about how it's easier to have a crush on someone after riding a roller coaster together. Like, sharing an intense or scary experience can contribute to feelings of bonding and attraction

About two and a half years after that, as I think I've mentioned on my blog a couple other times, I did a fairly unique public service program called AmeriCorps NCCC. It involved being sent first to a campus in a small town in Mississippi and living communally in close quarters with a bunch of other 18-to-24 year olds who were meeting each other for the first time, then traveling to other places in the southern U.S. to work on public service projects, with the daily schedule of work and other required activities often running over 8 hours. Opportunities to leave the communal living environment were few and far between. Definitely an intense experience. On the other hand, the weather was warm, and some of the places we saw were pretty beautiful

And during the first month, I met a girl who I got the sense was fairly "popular" - because of course, when you throw a bunch of 18-to-24 year old strangers together in close quarters, a social dynamic that includes some people being popular will develop. It's kind of like freshman year at a small college where most people live on campus, I think, combined with some kind of summer camp for young adults

This girl was friendly to me in the same way that she was friendly to everyone. And while the full story is worth telling in some other context, for now I'll just say that we went from being casually friendly, to being friends, to me finding out that she had feelings for me (which was mutual), to us dating(!!)

This is the ex I've mentioned on here a handful of times. And recently, this past March 24th, was the 5th anniversary of her breaking up with me

I know it's not normal, and likely not good - some people would probably say it's creepy - to still feel sad about an ex after 5 years. That's half a decade.

Now, part of this is that she was the only person I've ever had a happy romantic relationship with that lasted for more than roughly 2 months, so in that light, I don't think it's so strange that the memories would still be significant to me.

But the other aspect of it is that Intro Psych roller coaster principle. AmeriCorps NCCC was such a different experience from normal life, the "real world". We were in this crazy unfamiliar thing together and we both felt tired or anxious pretty often, and we found each other and turned to each other for comfort, and that was definitely just. An emotionally intense experience. I don't really know how to describe it with words. You know the romance plots in fantasy novels, where the protagonists are on some dangerous life-changing adventure, and the affection between the love interests is accordingly stronger and more poignant? It felt kind of like that.

And that was honestly probably one of my favorite emotions that I've ever experienced, and it just feels kind of hard for me to accept that I'll probably never have a chance to experience it again. Even if I do find a happy romantic relationship again in my life, something that I already worry about for various reasons.

I'm 27 now. Intelletually I know that there are plenty of people in their late 20s, including other weird nerds, who are in happy, fulfilling romantic relationships. (I believe some such people follow me here, and I appreciate the hope you provide.) But it's just hard for me to imagine for myself. I don't know if that one unconventional experience gave me unrealistic expectations. But - I'm sorry to generalize - I feel like when I encounter people nowadays who are theoretically in my dating pool, they're mostly regular adults who have jobs and live in apartments, and are looking for a partner who is also a stable, responsible adult with a job and an apartment. And even if I do achieve the external markers of that - get a permanent full-time job, move into my own apartment - and one of those people agrees to go on dates with me, it's hard for me to imagine the resulting relationship feeling as meaningful.

But rationally there must be people in their late 20s who also want this vague thing that I want. Maybe it's just hard to picture something before it happens. Maybe hypothetical-future-partner and I could go on a road trip together (after I get a driver's license, cause I don't have that yet currently either) and that would trigger a similar roller-coaster-effect. Idk.

#personal #dating #lonelyposting #idk how coherent this is #or whether I should be posting it

[aegis-vamp]

What's Smoogi's relationship like with the other SEES members?

Was hoping someone would ask that so LES GOOOOOO

Already everyone knows Makoto and Smoogi have a sibling dynamic. They're like, Sans and Papyrus Undertale but also not really. Either way they sometimes fight over stupid stuff like video games (it's why Smoogi uses 4chan to shit talk about Makoto's favorite games)

Yukari and Smoogi? Literal besties (sometimes even more than besties? Blushing emoji). They like to go on shopping most of the time and they even got matching winter outfits!

Junpei and Smoogi? Not really sure tbh but after the stuff with Chidori happening, Smoogi tries her best to confront him about it. They're not super close but not super distant either

Later on early production of Smoogi's character, I mentioned that she had a crush on Mitsuru before realizing she's dating Yukari. For now she just looks up to Mitsuru and they even train together sometimes.

Nothing really interesting about Smoogi and Akihiko. But if you're Kotone, there's a chance she might threaten him if he breaks her heart (I'll talk about Kotone at the end dw)

Shinjiro and Smoogi cook sometimes together. Smoogi also had an unrequited love for him before The October 4th Incident happened (this will probably change). And of course they share the same arcana, The Moon

Smoogi gets along with Fuuka well (and other times not really). They play video games after school if Fuuka isn't busy. Fuuka is also a fan of Smoogi's music, partially because of the bass player, Osana.

Now Smoogi and Aigis.... Oh boy there's A LOT to say. Smoogi especially got annoyed with Aigis when she constantly went up to Ryoji saying he's dangerous, but Smoogi being a naive butterfly like she is, defended him. They eventually try to bond post-march 5th (or in The Answer)

Ken and Koromaru treat her like a big sister although she really shouldn't be a good role model...

BONUS:

Kotone and Smoogi go well together, however you imagine them to be. Smoogi is extremely protective over Kotone and will mostly cut someone's finger if someone huts her

Metis? Yeah that girl. Smoogi was extremely annoyed with her, specifically how she at some point threatened Ken and Koromaru for no reason. But when Metis was gone, Smoogi said she'll miss her and wants to play video games with her if she comes back.

#smoogi lore #long post #vamp answers #this took me time to make it

[etes-secrecy-post]

I posted 554 times in 2022

That's 263 more posts than 2021!

375 posts created (68%)

179 posts reblogged (32%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bryan360

@carmenramcat

@etes-secrecy-post

I tagged 3 of my posts in 2022

#tumblr milestone - 2 posts

#500 posts - 1 post

#youtube - 1 post

#250 likes - 1 post

Longest Tag: 16 characters

#tumblr milestone

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.

• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.

⚠️NEW RULE!⚠️

⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️

• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.

⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️

Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓

#OnThisDay artworks: Aug 23rd, 2015

Title: REmake Loving at Last

MY 5TH ANNIVERSARY OF CHOWDERXPANINI FAN was already begin!

I’ll be start focusing Remaking my 5 year old drawings of ChowderXPanini like this one over here.

Panini wants a snuggle some more after Chowder finally decided that in-love with her. =3  (And yeah actually she's asleep).

Anyway, here's the old description 5 years ago... ↓

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

🥰Chowder's holding Panini's hand while he's walking and she's sleeping and she's wearing Chowder's Hat.

Awwww soooooo ROMANTIC!!!!!

How romantic is it?<3🥰

🥰CHOWDER AND PANINI TOGETHER AT LAST🥰

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chowder and Panini - CHOWDER / C.H. Greenblatt  © Cartoon Network

4 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

#4

Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.

• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.

⚠️NEW RULE!⚠️

⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️

• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.

⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️

Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓

#OnThisDay artwork: Oct 13th, 2010

Title: A masterpiece by SPOT

This is another drawing for my OC Spot! 🙂

He might be a driver apprentice, but also he's have interest in ARTISTIC DRAWING! EATING is an example for his interest! :3 He draws a Liked-Subaru Impreza WRX STi Spec C Limited. His personal car, you've seen that on my TUNING CARD from WANGAN MIDNIGHT MAXIMUM TUNE 3 DX+

NOTE: Hmmm……..For me I don't think, This is not a SUBARU IMPREZA of my drawing! But I'm not quite sure…………..🤔 No wait, Spot had a answer….🙂

Spot 🐶🏎️: *chuckle* Of course it's an Impreza! 😄 What else what it look like? 😅

Spot Speedster - created by ME!

4 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

#3

See the full post

4 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

#2

See the full post

4 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

5 notes - Posted March 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

My Tumblr 2022 Year in Review - Part 1

Me: 2022 is a rough year for me. And for my perspective, I have more negatives than positives. Mainly, because of my hd that contains my precious memories. *sigh* I would never forget that, anytime soon. But, I'll be remain strong...😢😔 Here's hoping, that 2023 would be a great year than before. Cheers to you, my secret friends. And have a Happy New Year!🥂 (And not unwanted tresspassers, like you. 😡)

[bryan360]

Here’s my note before I’ll get started….l

(DON’T YOU EVER COPY FROM MINE OR MY FRIEND’S WORK, CHARACTERS, AND STUFF IF ONE OF YOU ARE IMPOSTERS WHO HAD HABITS OF PLAGIARISM! I WILL BLOCK YOU FROM MY BLOG IF I SEE YOUR POST WITH MINE OR MY FRIEND’S ORIGINAL WORK BEING EDITED ALL OVER! I’LL EVEN SHARE IT ONTO MY BLOG SO IF EVERYONE WILL SEE THAT YOU TRYING TO COPY MINE OR MY FRIEND’S THINGS FOR NO GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER! That will be all….I mean it.)

My Owned iPad (5th Generation) Device

🇵🇷Me: Hi there to everyone and to my closest friends! I got a surprise share for all of you as I'm going through this month; especially if I'll be coming back to my digital style drawings. However due from my iPad Mini's storage running out that I've mentioned from last month's post. ⬇️

Link Here

🇵🇷Me: Although I understand while making some options, my P-Pal told me to get a new flash drive so hoping it'll make more storage for my iPad device to expand. So there's that, but as I'm making this post, I do have some surprises that my mom give me while eventually wait to get a flash drive soon. It'll take awhile to explain through this, but hear me out that I got myself another iPad Device!

My Story Explain:

Back in April. 23rd, 2022; while I was continue my secret art trade drawing in progress with my iPad, but struggle so many times as long the storage data was full. It's disappointed if I'm unable to do my upcoming digital artworks unless I would to upgrade my iCloud storage space or getting a new iPad for Christmas this year or another year before that. That being said, I got myself an unexpected surprise from my mom give me. I believe it happens during the afternoon while I was working, my mom called to me and give me this tablet that she originally was hers years ago. Although times change when moving into her newer tablet as of today, but for me it was something I was hoping to have as well. I've been having my original iPad Mini device since I got from 🎄🎅Christmas of 2015. ⬇️

Link Here #2

While It had been aged that I would make some comparisons through details soon, but still at least running well without any technical problems to power up my iPad Mini tablet. For now though, it still had storage data full that I would leave it until I can get a flash drive to expand soon. However with my mom's used tablet device that I'll be happy to take care of; especially if means to get back my digital artwork plans going forward. Looking at it though, I went searching online to found out that's the 5th Generation iPad; originally been released back in March. 24th, 2017 (before discontinued through March. 27th, 2018) to receive positive reviews. Although you already know before while I showing this by surprise, but it was interesting nonetheless. Still I would love to have my own newer versions. Anyways, it designed like from any iPad devices. Unlike with my iPad Mini though, this iPad had 9.7 inches display with Touch ID and Multi-touch screen option than what my iPad Mini can do. Hoping if I'm right that I would to use it on both YouTube and PicsArt at the same time during my work progress. It'll be like with my Samsung Tab E that it works on multi-tasking as well, but differently.

Also came with it was this old cover case that I'll be keeping until I can get a newer one due to having scratches. Looks like its been really long that I would considered, but at least nothing lot to handle. I would to figure what brand for this cover case made from though.

🇵🇷Me: Well, this is how far I can remember after my mom give me her used iPad device to own. For that, it was a miracle thinking I could imagine. Me having the 5th Generation iPad for the first time like ever. Though it was something if I would to upgrade or move to another tablet with better performance and running longer battery run. However, I'm still keeping my iPad Mini device with me as long it was still works well. Time will tell if I do move forward with a much better iPad device in the near future, but for now there's nothing to rush on. What that being said, I'm gladly to take care with my own 5th Generation iPad after my mom give me. Here's hoping my digital artwork plans to continue as well. In fact, I wanted to get into my birthday art gift before Friday 6th for my P-Pal turning 29th this year. Anyways, I'm letting you guys to react after revealing my surprise post I gotten. How about my mains though?

🐰🖌Maxwell: That's really a surprise after your mom give this tablet for you who's originally was hers. Though while it wasn't a newer version we're looking for, but at least came close to be his first 5th Generation iPad to own.

🐰👊💥May: Yeah, something like that. It was nice of you having your mom give you this iPad as a gift of sorts.

🦊⚽️Sam: Indeed. Sometimes its better than to wait of getting a newer iPad device for Christmas, but just saying.

🇵🇷Me: Thanks for giving your thoughts, you guys. There's more things I can cover with this iPad soon. Until then, see ya guys guys for my latest art post share to go through. 👍🏼

Tagged: @murumokirby360 @carmenramcat @alexander1301

#photos #pics #special post #surprise post #ipad #ipad device #5th generation #5th generation ipad #tablet #cover case #tablet cover case #etc. #may 2022 #may 4th 2022

[josiebelladonna]

i want you all to understand that i don’t want you to go after her and rally against her because that’s… well, it’s suicide. it’s an easy way to get yourself cooked, plus… this is one of those things where it can spiral and escalate out of control. i’ve been going off about it and needing to find things to calm me down because the whole thing makes me want to cry and makes me angry, too. like, what the fucjing fuck did you do to him, you bitch?!?!! alex has been very open with me before, and his newfound silence towards me is another thing that just tells me that something happened to him (and I knew right away that it wasn’t collateral damage from his mom being sick, either. when someone in your family is that sick, and yet they recover, you don’t act like you’re having a vietnam flashback).

i had been angry with him initially, wondering why he didn’t come to me when his mom was sick when i left the light on for him (and i still have the light on for him; the porch light is solar-powered, too, it ain’t burning out), but i started to wonder if it was because… he had no choice. forgive me if i sound obsessive or rude with these posts, but—

the soft look on his face is forever etched in my memory and i wish i had captured those moments on live to share with everyone to show you that i’m not messing with all of you. 

march 26, 2021. i’ll never forget it. roughly two months after i started really paying attention to him. “badmotorartist, I just LOVE YOU!” he propped his chin up in the palm of his hand and he looked like he was just so touched and so floored that someone would actually love him as he is, no strings attached and from the deepest crevices of her heart, through something as pure as art. i thought it was interesting that he said it to me that soon, too, which tells me there was a bit of direness there. 3 months later, he gave it to me again in a mellow, gentle tone of voice as if he was whispering a secret to me. i remember he looked at my name for a long time, too, as if he didn’t want to look away.

then there was the time he live-streamed from a show in the park and i was the only one on it with him. he moved up closer for me. he was so sweet to me, too, kinda shy and boyish actually. gave me a sweet little wave at the end as if to imitate my kissy faces to him.

all the times i caught him writing in similar fashion to me, which i’ll never not find interesting. like i would use an odd word like “gatekeep”, and then two days later, he would reiterate it, and that’s just one example, too; i used the blue heart emoji on a post once and then not even an hour later, he used it. those fleeting little moments that feel insignificant to those on the outside looking in, they were huge in my eyes. it was indicative of something, and i’m actually a little wary to talk about it because it can put the two of us under scrutiny (seasons grey is at its core, a manifestation of my fantasy of running away with him). and they went away sometime in that week between memorial day weekend and the 5th…

…

like i said. so easy to assume the worst, and it’s hard to prove, especially when you don’t see everything and he doesn’t talk much.

somebody is hurting him. someone blurred a line before they crossed it. i can feel it. even thousands of miles away, i can feel it in my bones. i can see it in his posts now in the wake of the whole thing with his mom, i can see it in his eyes, i can see it on his face, too: that man is the real-life equivalent of the squash-and-stretch, he’s very expressive. the eyes are the windows to the soul, and his is in agony. when his eyes are big like marbles and his mouth is fully stretched à la “guess who found your happy pills” or something… it’s like watching a plane crash. you want to look away but you just- you can’t. you want to find some glimmers of hope in there. maybe be a hero of some kind.

#alex skolnick #text

[sqeca]

A dreamy time

I apologize if the translation is not accurate

6 March 2023

Hi, I'm Okuda Iroha 🦙

I'm a little late, but I wanted to write to you to tell you about the 11th YEAR BIRTHDAY LIVE

This time, we had to learn the choreography, standing positions, and arrangements for multiple songs. Throughout the rehearsal period, we taught and supported each other while dancing constantly

So first of all, thanks for making it through!

I would like to express my sincere thanks to all of you who supported me and made it possible for me to celebrate this birthday this year. Thank you very much for your support!

Above all, I would like to thank my seniors who led the way and all my classmates who stayed by my side I know it's a small thing, but I hope I was able to help even just a little

This time was a dream come true for me

First of all, it was the first live performance where the ban on vocal performances was removed

When we stood in front of the audience to perform the first song, "Nogizaka no uta," on the first day, we were so close to them that I could clearly see their expressions. I could hear them looking at us with sparkling eyes and hear what they were saying to each other, including their laughter and cheers. Hearing their voices made me feel relieved, and I enjoyed the show even more because I felt like we were united as one

On the second day of birthday, during the 5th period live performance, I was asked "What color do you like? Iroha!" I was so happy when I introduced myself and for the first time, everyone shouted "Iroha!" It made me incredibly happy to hear them remember me. Thank you!

Second, I also danced at the center of my favorite song "Nichijo" by Hinako Kitano

As some of you may already know, I liked and admired Hinako Kitano before I joined the group. (She told me I could call her Hinako-chan before she graduated, so I'll write Hinako-chan here as well)

The joining of the 5th generation and Hinako's graduation were just at the same time… I wanted to carry on Hinako's spirit that led us to Nogizaka. I wanted to carry on Hinako's spirit that guided me to Nogizaka, so I chose pink and yellowish green as my psyllium colors to carry on Hinako's colors

Someday, I wanted to dance Nichijou at the center. A song that would awaken everyone, a song that would explode with emotion. I knew it would not be easy, but I wanted to try

When I found out that I could perform this song this time, I was so happy, I couldn't stop crying. I watched videos of daily live performances from end to end, studying facial expressions and movements

But right before the performance started, I suddenly got scared and contacted Hinako

I said, "I'm going to dance Nichijou today, and I'd love to know if you have any tips or advice" Then she gave me a long list of tips and advice! But in the end she said, "But it's important to show your color, so just be yourself and it's wonderful"

Thanks to Hinako's words, I think I was able to express Iroha's colors and emotions on the page. However, I still have a lot of work to do before I can compare myself to Hinako. I hope to return one day as a more mature person and seek revenge with a more matured appearance. Nevertheless, I'm happy that I was blessed with such a wonderful opportunity this time! I hope my feelings were understood

And third, Manatsu-san's graduation on the last day I'm still pouting as if I left my emotions in that space on that day

Just by smiling, Manatsu-san warms the mood

It's as if a thread of tension is loosened, and everyone is drawn to her smile because it makes other people happy

She always praised me when I did good things and warned me when I did not do well

Manatsu-san gave me so many things that I could not repay all of them, and then she graduated

At the graduation concert, I was happy to see Manatsu-san and sing "Band-Aid Hagasu You Na Wakarekata" and "Bokutachi no Sayonara" together. (But at the same time, I missed her.) She looked so cute in her pale pink dress, which suited her so well

I was so happy that she wrote a letter to each of us in the end. She called me a "serious hardworking person." I will continue to do my best so that people will see this in my actions rather than just my words! This is also something I learned from Manatsu-san🤭

Oh, and she even entrusted me with her birthday! Haha! Last August 20th, we celebrated with a big cake together, and it became a sparkling and wonderful memory. It was also the first time I spoke with Manatsu-san 　 "'Actually, we have the same birthday!" I said to her, "Yay, we get to celebrate together again ☺️" 　 I remember how happy it made me when she praised my work. I still remember how those words made me feel 　 I was really happy! You have brought smiles and happiness to so many people, and I hope that you will continue to be extremely happy in the future. That is all I wish for you. I really, really love you, Manatsu-san! Thank you so much 🧡

Well, I'd love to go into more detail, but… that's enough for today! I'd like to write at least one more blog about birthday So, I'll see you all next time! 　 　 And the other day, the announcement of the selection for the 32nd single was announced. I will be an under member this time 　 　 For the past year, I've been working as a "5th generation" in Nogizaka, so I didn't really feel like a part of the group and I didn't know how it was going to turn out, so I had a lot of worries 　 When my classmates were invited to the selection process, I felt that my hard work had been recognized, and I was happy, but at the same time I felt nervous. 　 Tbh, I knew it was coming I knew it, but I was hoping for a miracle just a little bit. I had worked so hard in my own way and believed in my past actions. But I realized that reality is not so easy… So, I was reminded once again not to only dream but to keep my feet on the ground and work hard

I want to show more of my color I want to take off my "fragile armor"! This will be one of my goals for this 32nd single. 　 Of course I feel disappointed But I thought that the seniors who were in the Under were really cool. When I saw them live, they were so powerful, cool, and fragile I was always impressed by their performances, both singing and dancing As we work together from this time onward, I hope to be inspired by my senpai, and I will do my best to grow while struggling in my own way! I will do my best to gain a lot of strength and contribute to Nogizaka, which I love so much! 　 　 Last but not least Thank you so much for your continued support. I can do my best by remembering your faces and words. Thank you so much 　 All right!!! I'm going to do my best!!! 💪🏻 　 Thanks for reading till the end 😉

I got a quick shot at the rehearsal

#OkudaIroha #奥田いろは #nogizaka46 #乃木坂46

[mikumanogi-blog]

2022-11-14 “All I want in My Idollife Is you #Tereblog” [ENG]

Let’s go back in our time machine (∩^o^)⊃ー☆ﾟ.*･｡

Middle school

2017 (?) →2022

I’ve grown haven’t I

 Thank you for letting me have another #Tereblog (I shortened it) again today.

I’m Nogizaka46’s 5th generation member Ikeda Teresa, it’s a pleasure to meet you ‹‹\(´ω` )/››

Because there was a small introduction episode of when we were small on the previous episode of new Nogizaka Star Tanjou, I thought I would put up a picture of when I was younger 📷🤍

Before I realized it I was a 20 year young and the oldest 5th generation member, wow it brings back so many memories when I remember what I was like when I was Aya’s age, because I was that age once!!!

There are times where I’ve wished that I could’ve gone back in time with a time machine.

What about everyone else, 😳 if you like feel free to leave some comments about when you were young!

 Well then, without further ado hope on the Tereblog train and let’s gooooo =͟͟͞͞ (    ˙꒳​˙)

〜〜〜

🤍

Koko ni wan ai mono

There was a live stream on the 5th of November on YouTube. There we performed “koko ni wan ai mono” Saito Asuka-san’s final single.

It didn’t feel real.

Honestly…I never thought that we’d say good bye so soon, when she announced that she will be graduating, I  remember that when she told us I felt like my heart froze in my chest. The time that we’ve had together and heading towards her goodbye I haven’t come even close to coming to terms with it.

She was someone who was so far away and that I looked up to and someone I wanted to take after, she’s like a treasure of Nogizaka46… I watched the live stream as shocked as anyone else.

During “Suteki na sayonara o ieru”, it’s almost like the members’ hands, arms and body became like Saito-san’s wings…

The wings of Nogizaka, at that moment when it felt like Saito-san would just fly away from here was when I could really feel that she will be graduating.

At that moment the tears were not those of sadness…I’m not good at expressing myself but, but the word that stands out to me the most is ‘moved’ it’s probably because it was so beautiful.

Saito-san will only be in Nogizaka for another 2 months, after that I hope that she lives as the happiest person in the whole world for the rest of her life.

Today’s goal is, to call her “Asuka-san”.

I’m going to do my best!

〜〜〜

 🤍Online meet and greet  

Thank you for coming to today’s meet and greet!

I’m so lucky that I was able to squeeze the events of today’s meet and greet into today’s blog. Thank you so much to the staff!!!!

There was so much kindness and support given to me today, I keep wondering if it’s okay for me to only be receiving…is how I feel while receiving and accepting everyone’s love. I want to train myself to be able to reach a level where I can give back the most love possible, let’s make a circle of love 〜（´ω`❤）

The 31st single meet and greet tickets are now on sale 💿🤍

 Sunday December 25th 2022

Sunday January 8th 2023

Sunday January 22nd 2023

Sunday February 19th 2023

Sunday March 5th 2023

Sunday March 19th 2023

 There are many events over that period of time!

Christmas, New years, Valentines, I want to be together on all of those days. I’ve been constantly thinking about what I should wear for those events.

 I wonder if you’ll receive a Teresa for Christmas 🙈💕💭

 The final day, Sunday March 19th, is the day that we debuted. I wonder if I’ll be fully accepted as a member of Nogizaka by the time we reach the year mark, I’ll still have worries and anxiety about life and being an idol, to tell you the truth this day scares me…

But this year (next year?) on March 19th I’ll be with everyone, Rather than being scared it’ll be really really enjoyable 😆🤍

The reason I’m able to do my best as an idol in Nogizaka is because of all the power that you all give me. You always tell me your felling directly at the meet and greet, you write comments on my blog… and thank you to all the comments saying “I balloted for your meet and greet for the 31st single!” or “I’m able to go and see you”. No matter how much I write about it, it’s something I constantly think about.

 I’m not good at being in front of people, like really not comfortable, speaking of which, I found that I’m even frailer and weaker as a person than I thought before I joined Nogizaka46 but at the same time I’m supported by so many around me.

On my previous blog I wrote that I want to get rid of all the things I’m bad at, so please talk a lot with me, and become my anti-shyness (?) reform crutch😖

Through this I’ve come to realize that I’ve been able to put my faith in people, and rely on them, which is something that is super important and wonderful.

That’s why I want to ask, “is it okay for me to rely on all of you…….?”

From now on, please continue to lend me your strength. I love you all eheh

 ･･･

Also, also, this is wonderful news, Kamen Rider is airing every Sunday morning isn’t it! I’m glad I’ll be able to talk about it with everyone now, I’m looking forward to it

I’m also looking forward to “The Kamen Rider ten” With which Kamen Rider do you want to live with? With which Idol do you want to live with… I hope it’s me

 〜〜〜

🤍Favorite things

Music 🎧

Recently on New Nogizaka Star Tanjou! I’ve been doing a playlist release for the other members. I really like doing this! And I’m so glad that Saa-chan’s request came true, unfortunately it doesn’t seem like it’ll be going around in order （ ;  ; ）

That’s why I want to let everyone know about it here

・family name/METAMUSE(ZOC)

Recently I’ve been listening to only instrumental music…it’s awesome

If we’re talking about Christmas songs…

·         Last Christmas/ Wham!

·         All I want for Christmas is You/ Mariah Carey

At this time you can hear these songs around town already can’t you

I get hyped up when I hear these songs and I’m like “Christmas is here” 🌲❤️🎅

The title for this blog is a parody on ‘All I want for Christmas is you”… I wonder if the grammar is correct … (This is the extent of my English ability)

Also recently for some reason I’ve been listening to Sakura songs 🌸*･

It feels nothing like the season we’re in right now though lmao

·         Sakura Color/GReeeeN

·         Sakura/Ikimonogakari

One day I’ll show off my playlist! I hope I can (〃´-`〃)💭︎💕︎

 Manga 🗯

Aimoto Shu’s “Kemono Jihen”

I’ve really been liking it

“Is it okay for me to have so much mixed in for the sake of my goals? For some reason…I feel like I’m the only one that’s been given this opportunity” is a line for the main character Kabane that has really struck a cord with me. It’s the exact same thing that I’ve been thinking…

 Movies 🎥

Recently I’ve been able to see a lot of movies, maybe Aruno is inspiring me…. Move theatres, at home, I hope that I’ll be able to have the opportunity to watch more movies from now on. If you like please recommend me so movies to watch 〜⸝⋆🍿⸝⋆

Some movies that I watched recently are

“ONE PIECE FILM RED”

“BELLE”

These are both movies with a plethora of music. From the very beginning of the film it grabbed a hold of me and never let go, they’re power type movies. I want to be a better singer, I want to fall in love with it all over again.

 I also watched the movie that Kubo Shiori is staring in, “Sayounara, Konbanwa”!

The film had a warm and gentle atmosphere that flowed consistently and before I knew it I was wrapped up in it’s story.

I’ve never set foot in that city but for some reason it felt familiar, maybe it’s because it reminds me of the view I saw as I went to school every day as an elementary school student… It was wonderful and personally it’s a mood that I absolutely adore (´˘`＊)

Honestly I want to talk in so much more detail about the story but then I’ll start spoiling the story so I’ll restrain myself… The film came out on November 11th, to those who have seen it feel free to talk about it with me.

 Kubo-san does both stage performances and film while work her job as an idol at the same time, and yet each and every one of her performances are superb…! I really respect her.

Her acting is very delicate, expressions that aren’t expressed in the words, the way she sets her gaze and then you become drawn into the way she expresses her emotions.

 This time as well as her previous stage play “Sakura Fumi” they all felt very different and yet they all felt real, like they actually existed. These feelings, or rather where does she keep this drawer of personality, it’s a very weird feeling.

I feel that by watching such an amazing piece of art my life has become fuller. As a human being I’m glad that I was able to see this work of art, thank you for giving me the opportunity to see it ⋆⸜🧡⸝‍⋆

And here is NaoNao

Ingredients: Omochi and kindness

The 5th generation members always say, kind, gentle, cute, if I eat her she’ll probably be delicious, amazing!!!

I’m following in her footsteps…kind, gentle, cute, delicious is who I want to be( ˙༥˙ )

〜〜〜

🤍Things I want to announce

TV📺

“Kotoge Eiji no nante Bi da!”

Every Tuesday at midnight!

This week’s theme is “Garden” This is honestly my first time filming…! I was so nervous, I wonder if you will see it, how embarrassing eheh

The etymology of the word Garden comes from the word eden is what I was told, if you say and see it you’ll understand! It’s super cool isn’t it. For some reason, people that are acquaintances have some amazing power…! Or so it seems lol

 The next episode will be the ending, please look forward to it!!!

 “Nogizaka Under Construction”

Every Sunday at Midnight!

 “The 4th private joke impersonation award” was held.

This was a project that I really loved way before I joined…! So this time having the 5th generation members be a part of it is like a dream come true…. I’m sooooooooooooo glad 😭🤍

This project, of course studio acting, and honestly it was necessary to do a certain amount of research, yes, from her until the next episode I’m going to collect as many stories as I can 💪🏽( ¨̮ 💪🏽)

Of course this episode had a lot of wonderful thing and it was a lot of fun!!!!

The legendary and overwhelming Maaya-san’s outfit, please make sure to never forget it!

 “New Nogizaka Star Tanjou!”

Every Monday at 25:29-25:59!

Speaking of which, I read somewhere that 2am is the best time of the day to come up with song lyrics.

 On the next episode our 3rd generation member guest will be Ito Riria!!!! Her singing and figure are super awesome, she shines even in the studio, I’m so glad that such a lovely senior member came. Please make sure to check it out!

New Nogizaka Star Tanjou! Live will be held

December 5th and 6th and Yokohama Pia Arena MM

December 18th Kobe World Kinnen Hall

Thank you very much 😆🤍

Magazine 📓

“B.L.T”

I was in the December issue of B.L.T that went on sale October 24th 📖´-

Here’s a behind the scenes picture! 📷🤍

“I want to one day have a picture of you that can be used as a wallpaper!” is something that I was told so here it is, please feel free to use it 🌈🤍

 “Anan”

Issue 2323 on sale November 9th has all of the members of the 5th generation 🤍

I was part of the “Collar Conscious Senbatsu” with Iroha and Satsuki-chan.

Collar Conscious…for someone that oblivious of refinement this was a new word for me (⊙⊙)

For now I’ll just take this wonderful magazine as a start, I want to become more refined, what kind of female personality do you like, I’m interested in knowing!

〜〜〜

🤍

Things I want to answer

💌Question

1, What do you do to refresh when you’re feeling down (＞＜)


2, I really like the drawings that you do, to be honest it’s because of you that I thought about going to an art class…! But it will be my first time learning this and I’m not good at being in new environments so I’m anxious and nervous…( ･ ･̥ ) Could you please cheer me on and support me☺︎

(Blog name: Takikokana?)

🤍I’m so sorry that I forgot to answer this question on my previous blog 〜（ ;  ; ）

1, I’m currently also looking for a way…🥺！

Everyone!!! IF you have a good way please let me know…please!

2, I’m so glad 😭🫶🏻︎💕︎

The way that I got enough courage to do new things is something I never had before I joined Nogizaka. People like Takikokana-san are the reason I can keep doing my best, if you like I hope you can use that as a reason….!

Let’s both do our best

See you later

💌

Is there a song that you want to sing on Nogizaka Star Tanjou? It can be alone or with someone!!

(blog name: Fuzen ha warawanai)

 🤍

With everyone → Yumeippai/ Arima Yumiko

Ever since I was young I’ve loved this song since it was in the Chibimaruko-chan anime. If I could sing it with anyone it would probably be Aya. But even Aya is 6 years older than MarukoΣ(°°ﾉ)ﾉ

 Solo → God knows…/Suzumiya Haruhi, Hirano Aya

Recently Nagi sang Zankoku na Tenshi no tezze, because it was so nostalgic I also wanted to try sing a song that I have memories with… 🥺🤍

 I would also love to hear the songs that each member sang at their audition eh heh

I hope that the staff for New Nogizaka Star Tanjou! can see this #Nogizaka Star Tanjou Request, if you like you can send them this message!

 💌

Player Ioki Mao just updated her blog. Well, you’re already writing, Tere-pan Sensei, Ψ(￣∇￣)Ψon this day at this time are you seeing this comment??

(blog name: Custard Botan)

🤍

The picture on Io-chan’s blog, I found an IoPanda! 🐼🥐

I saw it gosh

 💌Right now there is there someone beside you??

(blog name: Tsuribori)

🤍

I’m alone, woosh

💌

Do you collect bromides?

(blog name: o

🤍

I never collected them but I do have a close up picture of Kubo Shiori’s 2018 new year Kimono. The one of her in a hakama… 😳🔖

💌

Question! Should I buy a knit hat or a muffler scarf, I’m torn between the two, which one would you buy Tere-chan?

(blog name: Kimi ni Love Song wo)

🤍

It’s cold soooo…both!

If I’m not wearing fluffy clothes I just can’t stand winter…

💌

Question Time

1, It’s become cold recently, what are some things you recommend to stay warm🎶

2, I’m terrrrrible at getting up int eh morning, Teresa-chan how do you manage to get up in the morning?

(Blog name: Ishizaka)

🤍

1, Something that I’ve wanted recently are…knit earmuffs! The fluffy ones!

2, I rely on my iPhone to get me up- ̗̀⏰𓈒 𓂂𓏸

But I recommend trying to get up to your favorite music, the reason will come later… (ㅎ.ㅎ )

💌

I have a question for Teresa-chan! Teresa-chan when you study are you the kind of person that listens to music🎧💭

I’m the kind that listens to music but, but I’m often told that it’s better to not and so for some reason I want to find out Tere-chan’s preference, ✋🏻🎗here’s hoping that you see my first ever comment 😭

(Blog name: Black Rock heart)

🤍

I’m very glad to receive your first ever comment.

I often listen to music!

I heard that’s it good to study to BGM where there are no lyrics and so that’s why I listen to Celtic folk music. I listen to whatever comes up when I search Celtic folk music 💭

💌

What your favorite thing to put into oden?

(blog name: Chorizo ha chotto karai)

🤍Daikon

If you say it like Goku (Hii-chan) it’ll sound like Deekon

💌

Question

1, Do you like oden?

2, In your house do you put gyozas in your oden or is that only me?? Can you remember anything that you wanted to see in an oden??

(blog name: white house)

🤍

Do you all like oden? Maybe it’s just because it’s become cold recently… (ㅎ.ㅎ )

1, I loike it

2, I’ve only had normal oden… (things like deekon, Eggs, beef tendon abd mochikinchaku)

Gyozas sound delicious… 🥟🤍

After looking it up I found that Kanazawa wheat gluten was good!

💌Teresa 🍞were you watching the clock at November 11th at 11:11:11?? I completely forgot about it and I wasn’t able to see it…I’m sad (●´^｀●)I missed my once in a year chance to see it

(blog name: Obbakeyasshikii)

🤍

Since I don’t have a digital watch that can even see in seconds so I completely forgot about it Σ( ºΔº〣) GAAAA

Let’s watch it happen together next year!

  (📞^o^)

BRIIIIIING CLICK! Is this Merono-san’s house? Merono-saan! Recently, I feel like you haven’t been in Tere-pan’s blogs as frequently, are you feeling ok?? Is it because when it starts to get cold you’re busy getting ready for hibernation?? Teresa-chan! Does Merono-san hibernate? If he does, how much food and drink needs to be prepared??

(blog name: log)

🤍Sh…shocking facts indeed!

Merono-san hibernates…!? There’s no way, he’s simply skipping out on his work.

However, he’s been eating a lot recently (speaking of which is Merono-san a carnivore, Herbivore, if it’s meat he doesn’t seem to like it…) maybe he is getting ready to hibernate〜😳, if he is lets get in his way (Evil Teresa)

💌

Everyday I can’t sleep because I waiting for Teresa-pan new blog!!!! What should I do?

(blog name: Souma Akari)

🤍

Go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep〜\( ᜊﬞﬞ )/Zzz‥ᐝ

How many more sleeps until the next Tere-pan blog

💌

I’m thinking about asking Santa-san for a Christmas present this year, if I write Teresa down on a piece of paper and put it in my sock when I go to sleep do you think you’ll appear?

(blog name: Katsura)

🤍I’m sorry if I rip you sock…? lol

💌

If I brought a hand fan with a lesser panda on it would you be able to see it..?

(blog name: Taira Azumi)

I 100% willlllllll

In return you must find Ikeda! Promise me

💌

Can you remember my name??? I’m going to a meet and greet??? Lol

(blog name: Mada kankei ni namae ha nai)

🤍YASSSS

💌

I want to protect Teresa from the trash can

(blog name: Ganguro tamago-chan)

🤍Assembling a team to protect Teresa from the Trash can. At we’re we’ll always be together while you keep me as far away as possible from the wonders of the trash can. Hours (negotiable) thank you for your interest

💌

Have you ever bought a dog? If you were to get one what you name them?? 🐶Bark me a name please🐶

(blog name: Miko-sama)

🤍

Listen to this!!! Ever since I was young I’ve begged my parents to get one but they never listened to me… 🥺

But when I started this job they got one. Name? I think Elizabeth is a good name. I think my dog at home has a name but if I start calling them Elizabeth that would be weird!

💌Love you

(blog name: min min)

🤍hehehe

💌

Do you like cotton or silk tofu? I like fried tofu!

(blog name: Thomason)

🤍Cotton tofu, I like tofu that is firm enough to not fall apart when you pick it up with chopsticks

💌Question, how do you like to eat your tofu?

(blog name: Gazpacho)

🤍

I loved this gyoza shop where they had tan tan tofu, it was so good.

After that you put …

1)      Prepare cold tofu ［      ᷇ 𖥦  ᷆    ］

2)      Put cucumber slices and zassai on top

3)      Put a little bit of sesame oil on top (even if you put on a lot it’s still good)

That’s what I recommend!

Let’s eat some together next time◜﹃◝ 🤍

💌

If you had to choose your favorite potato or yam what would it be?

(blog name: Kuroneko tango)

🤍

Japanese yam!

I love yams so much I’ll keep yammering on(´ ˘ `꒷꒦⎞

Simmered ones are good but even when they’re cut up normally the crispy ones also taste good

💌

Tea or coffee? Can you drink black coffee?

(blog name: Janjaka Djungarian ¨̮⃝)

🤍

Black tea!

The so called Darjeeling and Early grey are names you often hear and I like them as well as Jasmine tea.

On the other hand I can only drink black coffee… right before a test when I need to stay up late is when I drink it. Even when you put milk and sugar in it does the bitterness not disappear🥺?

💌

I had my first mandarin orange! Teresa-chan have you had a mandarin orange before? In the winter time they’re sweet and delicious aren’t they I ate so many of them that I felt as though my hands turned yellow (lol)

(blog name: Toki sude ni osushi)

🤍

I feel live I’ve been eating mandarin oranges for a while now ( ˙༥˙ )Munch Munch

After all aren’t mandarin oranges amazing, they fit perfectly in your hand? In the end it’s probably my favorite fruit… 🍊

When I was in school, my friend and I used to show off our yellow palms to each other

💌

Before I go to sleep I read manga or watch anime and today I said “I’m going to end here!” but II ended up reading even more…has this ever happened to you? (￣ー￣)It’s apparently something that happens to people with a type B blood type, but you’re probably type A so that probably isn’t this case is it???

(Blog name: Kunyomi)

🤍

That’s literally me every night （т-т）

I don’t think your blood type matters if you have otaku blood running through your veins like us

💌

Who’s your favorite character in Evangelion?

(blog name: Flamenco)

🤍Misato-san

 💌Hewwo! Teresa-pan have you ever wanted to ask another question to like another member!?

(Blog name: Haro Suisei)

🤍Sakutan!

How do you get to become so close to the senior members!!!!!!!! Is something I screamed when I read her last blog 🥺

However, Sakutan, she’s also the person I became the friendliest with after joining. Maybe it’s something she’s born with…ummm, I’ll do my best….. （ ;  ; ）

💌

Good Evening Teresa-pan 🐼🥐

1, Do you think I can pull off the same clothes that Teresa-chan wears at the meet and greet?

(blog name: Shuttle run)

🤍

Tere life is cute isn’t it (●︎´▽︎`●︎)

1, Ikeda’s has a lot of clothes that are loose-fitting and unisex so even if you’re really buff you can wear it I think! Y’all, we can match eheh

💌Iwanttobeterepanshenchperson

(blog name: Dracula hakushaku)

🤍Goforit!

 💌

Question

1, bread is bread but what’s the 5th generation member’s favorite type of bread?

2, When you read the comments in what order do you read them? From newest to oldest or oldest to newest? I feel like you probably read from newest to oldest

3, What’s your favorite gag or joke?

4, On Nogizaka streaming now there are individual projects, what project would you want to do?

5, What’s your favorite hot pot?

6, How good are you with the scream machine? I feel like there will probably be a section on Nogizaka Under Construction where they will find out who is the loudest screamer out of the 5th generation members

7, How good are you with haunted houses? This will probably also be something that will be showed on Nogizaka Under Construction.

(blog name: Buri)

🤍

I’d be so happy if they one day gave me a whole section of the broadcast to me… ( ᵕ·̮ᵕ )

1, If the answer isn’t teteteteteteresapanda then I would be very sad 🐼🥖

2, In the order I feel like

3, Lets work again today, both arms bang bang Teresa-Bangda 💪🏽( ¨̮ 💪🏽)

↑This is one from Setsuko-san that I could never get out of my head…

4, I want to try my hand at doing a food review! I’m just a glutton… lol

5, Motsunabe, I recently promised Kuu-chan that we’d go together one day 🍲🥬🤍

6, I wube roller coasters, and free falling (my heart kind of skips a beat but) I wube it, but my head hurts after (sweats)

7, Teresa can’t handle ghost 👻

I answered a lot of your question, praise me

💌

Question

1, Tere-sama, besides anime do you watch anything else on TV?

2, Recently on Star Tanjou, Tere-sama said that they see sound as color, so who has the best color out of the 5th generation members, I want to know!

(blog name: Hot sandwich)

🤍

1, Teresa likes late night on Monday nights, besides that there’s this series called ‘Gohanya-san” as a special report on the late night news (I’m sorry for being gluttonous) I record it and watch it every week 📺👀

2, Probably Aya, her voice is pearl grey 🫧︎💕︎

💌

Teresa-chan what is your favorite saying?

(blog name: First name)

🤍You’ll meet the right people at the right time

💌

Do you watch One pIece? I reallllllllly want to see it!!! It’ll probably be over in about two and a half years and so since you like Anime and Manga you should watch the current arc in the country of Wano

(blog name: Kintaro ame)

🤍

I’m reading it right now!!!! But I’m currently at the part where Sanji is still working at The Baratie, the road ahead is long ( ˊᵕˋ ;)

I want to hear your opinion so please feel free to talk to me about it!

💌

Can I also have a “Ikoly Roly Poly”?

(blog name: Edward Elric)

🤍

There’s already one in your heart, it’s right….there……… (ㅎ.ㅎ )

💌

Teresa-chan what’s your recommended loose leaf booklet? Even if it’s a loose leaf holder! I have my entrance exam tomorrow and I want to have a picture of you so I can do my best（ ;  ; ）

(Blog name: The sixth…)

🤍Gooooooooooood luck on your entrance exam ٩( •̀ω•́ )ﻭ

My recommendation, or rather my favorite and the one I use the most is… Campus with dots and a 6mm border The one with the blue letters 🪺  ̖ ´-

💌

What do you think of people that do a sport that you need to ride facing sideways like Skateboarding or Snowboarding?

(Blog name: Wasabi)

🤍They look so cool, I respect them… I want to try doing that one day! Can you teach me?

💌

Yesterday I fell asleep on the train and I ended up in the next prefecture over, Tere-pan has there ever been a time where you overslept on the train and didn’t get off…?

(blog name: Arumi no ue ni iru Arumin)

🤍

I barely made the last train and then I stayed to long on the train, I already transferred to the other platform when I realized, my heart skipped a couple beats. I waited about 20 minutes at around 1 AM exposed to the full cold of mid-winter. I wasn’t sad but I was really depressed I cried… 🥺 Everyone, when you want to avoid being cold, lonely or tired please come over to my place (；；)

💌

Please realize soon, my love for you!!! Do you like clingy people?? (>_<｡)

(Blog name: Konchaasu)

🤍Thank you!!!

Tereru bog is bigger than Lake Biwa and deeper than Lake Tazawa and thicker than the Dead Sea

💌

I don’t want to be your dog I want to be your oxygen, is that ok with you?

(blog name: (Temporary) Zoldeck-san)

🤍I’ll suck it up

💌

Besides Basketball, is there a sport that you’ve been like “I really like that”??? It can be watching or doing!!

(blog name: Ore ni Shitsumon o Kikuna)

🤍

When I was still a student one of my friends played volleyball and so I like volleyball. Messing around with my friend when they were on break was really fun （➰〰➰）ﾉ

💌

What song have you been listening to often recently?

(blog name: Tanukyanpu)

🤍Nagai Yume/YUKI

💌

Tere-pan, what perfume do you use?? I want to know your favorite scent!!!!

(Blog name: Ousama no mimi ha roba no mimi)

🤍

It’s not perfume, but my favorite scent is Lychee. Lychee lychee lalalalychee…

💌Teresa-chan, can you say something to your oshis!!

(Blog name: banana bananana banananachi)

🤍IIIIIIIII LOOOOOOVEEEEE YOUUUUU TOOOOOOOO!!!!

💌Is there a song that you have set up as your alarm or a song that you listen to before you go to sleep?

(Blog name: Kisatenshi)

🤍

I used to wake up to the Kamen Rider Den-O Sword Form standby sound and every time I heard it in the show I got goosebumps… (●´^｀●)

And so I don’t recommend you listen to sounds or music you like to wake up in the morning 😭!!!!!

💌

If you were to say “The moon is beautiful isn’t it” to the 5th generation members, what do you think would their reaction be?

(TL Note: In Japanese ‘The moon is beautiful isn’t it’ or 月が綺麗ですね means I love you)

(Blog name: baisen)

🤍Nagi would blush, Aruno would probably give me some other amazing literary response I think

 💌

Question, right now I am empty! Even now I haven’t finished a single one of my assignments for tomorrow “ no brain, no ability, no energy” 3 negatives !!THREE!! What are Ikeda’s three negatives!?

(blog name: Kinoe)

🤍Impulsive, unreasonable, invincible (flex) ᕙ( ˘ω˘)ᕗ

Seeing Aya immaculate is the word that comes to mind

💌

Some advice please

I know someone who can fully devote themselves to Teresa-san, what should I do. Teresa-san, is there a way to make them completely devoted to you?

(Blog name: Ometto-san)

🤍I’ll give you a hug

💌

Since the 29th single I’ve been able to go to Meet and greet, I also won tickets for the 30th and 31st single but what are some topics or words that I can say that would make it a fun and enjoyable time for you?? I’m held up on what I should bring up so give me some suggestions! Lol

(Blog name: Tatsu no Dakeji)

🤍

There Aruno good topics? Huh? Huh!!! (@Nakanishi Aruno-chan)

Well I guess until the time runs out we can just stare at each other 💕︎

  The end!

This is also a behind the scenes shot from B.L.T, duckling

The smell of wood was meowy nice 🪴

 See you later

 https://www.nogizaka46.com/s/n46/diary/detail/100856?ima=5105

[goldentournesol]

Be Careful What You Wish For

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

The one where Spencer gets exactly what he wished for, but it isn’t necessarily for the best.

Length: 5k 

A/N: this is based off of maybe one of the best requests i have ever received, thank you so much anon, your request really got my creative juices going! also i combined this request with another one, too <3 (angst, just straight up, with happy ending tho)

masterlist

The sun was shining against the glass windows of the car. The sunset was so beautiful with its melting and merging colors, Y/N wished it lasted longer so she could watch it. It’d been feeling like beautiful moments were few and far between lately. 

No one ever said being in a relationship was easy, but she’d never expected to drift this far from Spencer. She couldn’t exactly place the moment at which the descent of their relationship began, if she was being honest. One day, they’d be happy, smiling, full of love and life. And then the next, waves of darkness and despair would appear. They weren’t even the kinds of waves that would disappear with the shining sun. No, they were there to stay and fuel the storm that continues to rage on. 

Today was one of those days. To be fair, the whole team was struggling, but Spencer had taken Morgan’s departure a little harder than everyone else. It was understandable, of course. Derek was a staple in Spencer’s life for so long. However, for a man who’s seen and been through so many losses, he sure was terrible at dealing with them. Spencer’s tendency to keep things bottled up had definitely been affecting the overall health of their relationship. In fact, it has been the root of a lot of their arguments lately. Y/N just wanted him to let her in, let her help him and she was willing to wait however long it takes. Spencer on the other hand grew more and more snappy, irritable, and private with each passing day.

When they were at work, they tried their best to avoid each other so as to not get on each other’s nerves. Their fights usually didn’t turn into screaming matches, but they both had a track record of saying things they don’t mean. Hurtful things. Turns out profilers are fantastic at rubbing salt into open wounds. 

Ever since they began dating, Spencer took the subway less, opting for car rides with Y/N. Sometimes she’d drop him off, other times they’d spend the rest of the day at each other’s houses. She enjoyed driving him around, at first he was never too picky with the music she played, but later on, his music began to overtake hers. It never bothered her, in fact, she took it as a sign of him being vulnerable and sharing parts of himself.

The days where car rides once filled with joyous singing and laughter were coming to a shocking halt. The silence nowadays was almost always louder than the music they used to play. Even small talk felt like too much of a burden sometimes.

“Should I just drop you off at your place? Or do you wanna come over to mine? I still have some of that lasagna you liked in the fridge.” She asked softly as they slowed down into traffic. Rush hour in DC was never fun.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just have whatever’s at my place.” Spencer was being curt with his responses. Thus, the warning signs began flashing in her head.

“Are you sure? We can even pick something up from that one grocery store on our way home, something that goes well with the lasagna. I don’t mind cooking today.” She offered, hoping he wouldn’t shut her out like he usually did.

He shook his head, keeping his voice eerily level and his gaze was set on the road in front of him, “I just really wanna be home, Y/N.”

She nodded and whispered, “Okay.”

A short silence ensued as traffic began to thin out. Cars that were stuck bumper to bumper were beginning to move.

“Is this about Derek leaving?” She asked tentatively. He sighed and pursed his lips in response so she continued, “You know he said he was always a phone call away.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.” Spencer said shortly, gazing out the window.

“You never want to talk about anything.” She said defeatedly, the car beginning to move freely on the road.

“Yeah, well maybe that’s true. Or maybe I just don’t want to talk to you.” Spencer spat, clearly growing impatient.

“Fine, don’t talk to me then. But talk to someone, anyone! Hell, talk to Derek himself. Tell him you hate him for leaving or whatever you’re feeling, but don’t take out your anger and unresolved feelings out on me, okay? I don’t deserve that! Everyday I try to get you to talk to me, but it seems like with every little step I take forward, you take two steps back. And it’s exhausting. It is fucking exhausting, Spencer.” She frowned, tears welling up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

“I didn’t ask you for that! I didn’t ask for you to be my personal therapist. If I wanted to see a therapist, I would have gone to see one!” Spencer gestured wildly with his hands as he spoke.

“Spencer, in a relationship, we’re supposed to confide in one another. It’s supposed to be comforting. I don’t want to be your therapist, I just want you to talk to me!” She unconsciously began to press on the pedal, perhaps in an attempt to reach a destination quicker. He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Relationship? You call this a relationship? We can barely stand to be in the same room together, Y/N.”

“And that’s why we talk it out. No relationship is ever perfect! You should know that, Spencer!” She shrieked, gripping the steering wheel in frustration.

“That’s not true. What I had with Maeve was perfect until it was ruined.” He uttered.

“Maeve?!” She squealed incredulously, “Really?! What you had with Maeve was perfect?! Spencer, what you had wasn’t real like us! You spoke to her over the phone once a week! You wrote to her in letters, where you have time to-to think and to respond! It isn’t like real life, it isn’t like you and me! What we have is real! I-I’ve lived with you, I’ve seen you torn to pieces, I’ve seen you laugh until you cry. That’s the you I fell in love with, not some fantasy I created of you over the phone!” She spoke but the words were garbled between incoming sobs that she was frantically wiping the remnants of off her cheeks. The same sobs she’d tried so hard to suppress. She was barely aware of the words that came out of her mouth.

“If what I had with Maeve wasn’t real, then why do I wish she were the one here with me instead of you?!” Spencer defended, unaware of how sharp his words were or how deeply they’d wounded her.

Her breath hitched in her throat, taking her already blurry vision off of the road in front of her to face him, “What?” She whispered brokenhearted, but the utterance was immediately swallowed by the unmistakable, earsplitting sound of metal clashing violently against metal. They had no choice but to succumb to the inundating darkness that rapidly overtook them both.

***

Spencer woke with a violent start and sat up in his own bed. He sighed in relief when he realized it was just a dream and it was morning again. Turning his head to look at the left side of the bed where she usually slept, he expected to find her there and was taken by surprise when she wasn’t. He rubbed at his face and eyes vigorously before hearing some clattering in the kitchen. With long strides he saw a blurry figure in the kitchen making coffee and walked towards it. 

He sighed in relief, “Hey, there you are. I just had the worst dream.” He huffed as he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck in his half-asleep state.

“Hey, good morning, lovebug.” She smiled and turned around to hug him tightly.

Something felt off. Something wasn’t right.

He’d heard that voice before. He pulled back from the hug and was met by…

It wasn’t Y/N. It was Maeve.

Spencer could barely control his expression as complete bone-stilling shock washed over his entire being, “M-Maeve?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong, honey? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She said, a kind smile resting upon her features. If Spencer wasn’t so shocked, he’d probably have laughed at the absurd truth of that statement. Maeve brought her hand up to his forehead, “Are you feeling okay?”

He didn’t even have time to be confused before he jerked back quickly at the touch of her hand, “I-uh, uh...I’m not feeling too g-good. Um...what’s happening?” He mumbled, rubbing at his eyes again, almost like they’d be polished and he’d see more clearly. But when he opened his eyes again, she was still there. Right in front of him. There was no light emitting from behind her, she was totally opaque. It was eerily real.

Her face was full of color and life and she was dressed in one of his cardigans over her own set of matching pajamas. She was moving and...alive. And speaking to him. What is happening right now?

“But y-you’re...how are you here right now? Am I still dreaming? Am I...Maeve, am I dead?” Spencer shook his head in an attempt to wake back up.

She began to laugh and pulled out a chair for him to sit on, and so he did, still staring up at her in disbelief, “No, baby, you’re very much alive. You’re probably just still confused from whatever nightmare you had. Here, have some water.”

“Y-yeah, yeah, confused. Um, what day is it?” Spencer began to pat on his chest to make sure he was solid and alive. 

She looked at him curiously at his strange behavior, “It’s April 5th, 2016.”

April 5th? Derek left the BAU near the end of March. A light bulb went off in his head. 

The BAU! 

They’d have all the answers. He shot up from his seat immediately, “I uh, have to get to work.” Spencer rushed to his bedroom to get dressed. 

As he’s dressing, he spots a picture frame on his bedside table. He knows the picture by heart, it was of him and Y/N in the pumpkin patch last year. He’d had his arms tightly wound around her shoulders and was kissing her cheek. The leaves were the most colorful they’d ever been. He picked it up and almost dropped it immediately like it had burned his skin. It was the same picture. 

But Y/N was nowhere to be seen. In her place was Maeve.

No, no, no. This isn’t right. 

Spencer began to panic as he buttoned up his shirt, he threw on his cardigan and practically flew out the door. In the distance, he could hear Maeve in the background calling out for him to drink his coffee before leaving.

The train ride to work was truly a test of his patience. He couldn’t keep his knee still and checked his watch religiously. After the train stopped, was the first one off and ran as fast as his poor feet could take him. He stopped running when he got to the FBI Headquarters as to not alarm anyone, but raced to the sixth floor anyway.

As he opened the glass doors he searched frantically for any familiar face, “Garcia!” He yelled as he spotted her bright yellow clad figure across the bullpen. He pushed through tired agents and messy desks to get to her. Everything else was the same, the office was just as he remembered it.

“Good morning, boy wonder! How are you today?” She smiled graciously, holding a few files in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

“Have you seen Y/N?” He asked impatiently. She pulled her brows together.

“Do you mean Y/N...Y/L/N?” She asked slowly, as if trying to recall her name.

“Yes, of course I mean Y/N Y/L/N. Who else would I be talking about?” Spencer asked, once again losing more of his patience.

“No, I haven’t seen her, to be honest. I don’t see much of the White-Collar Crime division up here unless Hotch asks for them. Why do you need Y/N? Is she okay?” Garcia casually answered, as if her answer hadn’t turned his world--this world--whatever the hell he was experiencing upside down.

“White-Collar crime? No, that can’t be right.” Spencer muttered to himself as his brain raced a million miles a second.

“Reid, is everything alright? Is there a possible case? Should I tell Hotch?” Garcia asked, but Spencer was barely listening.

 He was on his way back to the elevators again, leaving an extremely confused Penelope in his wake. He raced down to the fourth floor, to the White-Collar crime division. As the elevator doors opened, his eyes scanned the crowded floor for her.

“Dr. Reid! It’s nice to see you down here. What can I do for you?” An agent, Agent Seymour, he’s met perhaps once before asked him.

“Hi, yes, I’m um..looking for one of your agents. Agent Y/L/N.” Spencer stuttered, it was weird saying her name so formally. But he had to see it with his own eyes.

“Yes, of course, right this way. I think she just came in.” The agent led him to a desk in the middle of the bullpen and left him, saying that she was probably getting coffee and should be back an second. Spencer looked over her desk and compared it with how her desk at the BAU looked like. Gone were the trinkets and books he’d given her. Gone was the candle she never lit, but kept anyway because she said it smelled like him. It was like staring at a stranger’s desk, so desolate, so...un-special.

“Jeremy, stop. I almost spilled my coffee!” She giggled from behind him. He’d recognize her voice anywhere. He turned to see her and his lungs filled with relief as he spotted her familiar face across the bullpen. There she was, in all her glory. Looking as beautiful as ever. His Y/N. But the relief was ripped away all too suddenly as he watched on. She had her coffee in one hand and the other was swatting a very sheepish looking Jeremy, he assumed.

“I’m sorry, baby. I just missed you.” He spoke, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her lips. 

She blushed immediately and shied away, “Jeremy, we’re in the office!” She giggled again and pulled away from him, glancing around the office as if to check if anyone saw the moment of affection. Spencer’s blood boiled before he realized.

She looked so happy. 

So much happier than she ever looked when she was with him. His heart sank to his feet and he felt like he was incapable of lifting it back up to its rightful place in his chest. He wondered if this was the universe’s cruel, cruel way of letting him know just how shitty of a boyfriend he’s really been. Fire of envy festered in the place where his heart used to reside. He wasn’t sure if it was jealousy, resentment, or guilt. 

It all felt so strange. It felt like there was suddenly way too much pressure in his head. Before he could begin to compute the events unfolding before him, he realized she had spotted him at her desk and was now making her way across the bullpen, separating from her Jeremy. Before he could freak out, she was speaking to him. And all he could focus on was the shape of her lips and the faint memory of how they felt pushing against his.

“Dr. Reid! To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you here?” She asked politely, but Spencer could tell that she was immeasurably confused by his presence, “Does Agent Hotchner need something from the White Collar crimes archives?”

Spencer panicked, “Yes! Um, he does...and um he asked me to ask you s-specifically. That’s why I’m here, heh.” He stammered like the nervous wreck he was and wiped his sweaty palms on the inside of his pockets.

“Okay, that’s no problem. Just tell me the number of the file and I’ll get it for you.” She smiled slightly, setting her cup of coffee down on her desk. At least her coffee order was still the same as it was. 

She disappeared for a few moments after he gave her a random sequence of numbers. Spencer wasn’t even sure how his legs were still capable of holding himself up. When she came back and he got a whiff of her perfume, his body completely stilled. He knows that scent like the back of his hand, he’d given it to her for their first anniversary. The fresh scent nearly sent him into anaphylactic shock. He’d accepted the file and scurried back to the sixth floor without another word, once again leaving a confused woman in his wake.

Spencer collapsed at his desk and rubbed his head like it would somehow fix this. Whatever this was. Everyone around him operated so normally and went about their day while he was seconds away from losing his mind. 

Was he having a schizophrenic scare? Did his symptoms bleed into his 30’s even though they weren’t supposed to? What was this alternate universe where he’d lost the one good thing he’s ever known? How was he supposed to get back? Did he want to go back? What would happen if he did? Would it be fair for Y/N to stick with him when he knew she would be so much happier with someone else? Would he try harder for her? Would he stop shutting her out? Would the woman he loved so dearly ever love him back?

He must not have ever been deserving of her love and the universe was punishing him in the worst way possible. To have her be within arm’s reach but to never be able to hold her. 

Once upon a time, he would have given up anything and everything to be with Maeve, but that was before Y/N. Before she gave him a new life, one he wanted to live. One where waking up wasn’t such a task. One where seeing her smile at him was enough to make him forget about all his worries. But now Y/N looked at him with barely a sliver of recognition. There was no affection or adoration behind those eyes and maybe he deserved that.

But how was this universe expecting him to go on like everything is fine? Like he hadn’t just lost the love of his life? No one else in this warped version of Spencer’s reality was feeling as dejected as Spencer was.

“Reid, are you feeling alright?” The voice of none other than Aaron Hotchner brought him out of his stupor. Spencer had unknowingly been sobbing into his hands for the past few minutes. Hotch was taken aback at the extent of Spencer’s disheveled state.

“H-Hotch, I need to go home. I can’t be here. I’m sorry.” Spencer packed his things and ran out the building before he realized he had nowhere to go. Home wasn’t his home anymore. He couldn’t exactly go back and see his dead girlfriend wandering around his apartment. He couldn’t be at work where Y/N was, so blissfully unaware of the crisis Spencer was in the middle of.

He wandered the streets of DC aimlessly as he tried to reorganize the events in his head and somehow make sense of them. Just a few days ago, he and Y/N had been holding one another on his couch. Sure, they’d been in a rut recently, but they still loved each other. At least that’s what he thought.

He walked and walked, miles on end, keeping his gaze on his feet as he tried to piece bits together. An IQ of 187 and he had absolutely no idea how whatever was happening to him happened. Even the multiple universes theory didn’t have his back. If he was ‘here’, where has ‘here’s’ Spencer gone? 

His feet had taken him to the local park, where he and Y/N used to sit under the stars. He found himself reminiscing the times they were together. He saw himself and Y/N in every couple that passed him by. Exhausted, Spencer took a seat on a patch of grass. He buried his face into his hands and tried to relieve himself of the headache he’d developed. 

“Hey, mister! Watch out!!” He heard a child yell way too loudly.

Groaning at the volume, he looked up to see the vague shape of a spinning baseball increasing in size as it moved closer….closer. Spencer had no time to react before he was knocked out cold by the baseball.

***

The first thing she’d heard was the incessant beeping of...something next to her. After that, she’d heard faint chatter. The voices sounded familiar but she just couldn’t put her finger on it. She whimpered in pain which caught the attention of everyone in the room. The chatter ceased. 

“Y/N? Honey, it’s Pen, can you hear me?” A voice called. She fought to open her eyes.

Why was it so hard to open her eyes? It was like they were glued shut. Why did everything hurt? What is that smell?

She made a small noise of agreement to the voice that called, but could not coordinate herself enough to speak or open her eyes.

“Y/N, darling, you’re in the hospital, okay? You were in a car accident.” She spoke softly. 

But the words weren’t soft at all. Her words had opened up a Pandora’s box of previously suppressed memories. Suddenly it was hard to breathe. It was hard to breathe as she tried to remember the last moments before the fog. She remembered seeing him so angry, eyes so wild. Who is he? So...so close. She whimpered in pain as she fought the fog away. 

Blood.

So much blood. 

Pain.

So much pain.

The others watched as she began to writhe against the hospital bed in discomfort. Her eyes snapped open the second she saw his face in her mind, frantically searching the room for him.

Spencer.

“Sp-Sp--” She began, but couldn’t formulate the rest of the word. Exhausted and defeated by the lack of his presence, she lay back on the bed.

“Hey, hey, calm down. Spencer’s...Spencer’s fine, alright? You can’t see him right now, but you will be able to.” Those words were the last thing she heard before she slipped off into a silent slumber.

Hours later, she awoke again. But this time with enough strength to open her eyes immediately. Her limbs felt like they weighed tons, she could barely lift a finger. The room was empty besides a single chair with a blurry figure seated in it.

“Spencer?” She uttered almost inaudibly and the figure moved.

“Hey there. Sorry, I’m not Spencer.” The figure moved closer and she recognized the blonde sheen.

“JJ.” Y/N croaked with relief, happy to see a friend. JJ promptly gave her some water in a cup and adjusted the bed so that she would be able to swallow it.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, taking the cup from Y/N’s trembling hands.

Y/N shook her head imperceptibly, “Is...Spence--is he?” Y/N barely got to finish her thought before the tears settled in.

“No, gosh, no. He’s alive. Thankfully, you both made it out alive.” JJ said with relief, leaning her elbows against the side of her bed. Y/N felt her breathing get easier as she learned of the news. She blinked hard, trying to control the tears, but they just flowed out.

“It’s my fault, JJ.” she paused to take a deep breath and JJ took one of her hands in hers, “I was the one driving. I should have been more careful. I-I was so mad.” She sobbed, the tears escaping.

“Hey, no, it’s alright now. Okay, you’ve both made it out alive, that’s what’s important.” JJ rubbed Y/N’s knuckles.

“W-where is he? I need to see him.” Y/N attempted to sit up but winced from the sharp pain in her side.

“Um..yeah, about that. You can’t really get up yet. You’ve got three broken ribs, a broken leg, and a severe concussion.” JJ delivered the news and Y/N’s tears seemed to flow even harder.

Before she could respond, Hotch, Penelope, and a nurse walked into the room, “Oh, sunshine! It’s so good to see you awake!” Penelope squealed and kissed her wet cheek gently before wiping away her tears. The nurse checked all her vitals and gave her some extra information before she left. Y/N forced a smile and sat back, but something in the room felt heavy.

“What’s going on? What aren’t you guys telling me?” Y/N frowned, staring at her friends. She saw them all exchange a look and Hotch being the most straightforward man she knows decided to deliver the news.

“It’s Spencer. Unfortunately, Spencer’s brain has swelled significantly and doctors don’t know when he’ll wake. It’s already been almost 42 hours since the accident.” Hotch frowned, watching Y/N’s expression turn from a hopeful one into one of the most unbearable expressions of grief.

“Wh--what, what does that mean? Does that mean he’s--is he ever going to wake up?” She began to panic, her heart rate audibly increasing. She squeezed JJ’s hand as hard as she could.

“We can’t be sure yet, the swelling has to go down before doctors can make any claims. It’s still too early to say he’s in a coma, which is a good sign. He’s also been showing steady signs of improvement.” Hotch said and Y/N covered her face to shield herself away from the embarrassment of openly sobbing.

JJ and Penelope both looked at the bruised and broken girl on the bed with tears brimming their eyes, unsure of what to do.

“I have to see him. Please. Please, JJ.” Y/N sobbed, pleading at the woman beside her. JJ looked towards Hotch for guidance.

“I’ll speak with the Doctor and see what I can do.” Hotch nodded once and left the room. Aaron Hotchner was simply a man you couldn’t say no to. Thankfully, this extended to doctors as well. The next time someone came in, they entered with a wheelchair. After many screams and with the help of three nurses and a doctor, they managed to get Y/N into the wheelchair. They rolled her off into Spencer’s room where he lay motionless on a bed just like hers. The sight of him so frail with so many tubes going in and out of his orifices should have overwhelmed her, but she was just so happy to see him breathing. Once again she could barely control her tears as she weakly gripped at the hand that was closest to her. She pressed sloppy, uncoordinated kisses to the back of his hand and pleaded for him to wake.

The sight was overwhelming, even for Hotch. It was difficult to see their two youngest agents fight for their lives.

And for the next two days, this is how it went. Y/N would wake from her slumber, request to see Spencer and would not leave his side unless her Doctor absolutely required her to. She didn’t care about what he’d said to her before the crash, she didn’t care. It didn’t matter. She just wanted him here. She wanted to hear his voice again. What a luxury that was.

Slowly, Spencer began improving. He’d begin to open his eyes but shut them immediately afterwards. He’d make noises, even though they were very garbled, they were very welcome. Y/N would read to him, she’d have any one of their friends bring over his favorite books and she’d pass the time reading to him. It was difficult at first, but she’d improved too.

On the fifth day, he was awake and fully conscious before she even got to his room.

He heard his teammates speaking around him again and what a relief it had been to wake in a hospital bed rather than his own bed. He let out a heavy sigh of relief as they updated him of what happened in the recent days. 

It wasn’t real. 

None of it was.

Maeve wasn’t there, Y/N was his, no one else’s.

He’d been sure of it when they’d rolled her into his room and near his bed, eyes lit with hope surrounded by healing scrapes and bruises.

“Spence? Spencer!” She exclaimed, “Oh thank God you’re awake.” She whispered trying her hardest to lean towards him on the bed.

Spencer fought to raise his arm to touch her arm, “Y/N? A-are you really here?” He whispered back.

“I’m here baby, I’m here. I’m never leaving you.” She sobbed, leaning her face into his awaiting palm. Spencer’s chest filled with immense relief as his thumbs caught her fallen tears.

“Y/N, wait--Y/N, I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry about what I said. I remember. I didn’t mean it. You’re the one for me. Life is perfect with you.” Spencer frowned as tears of his own raced down his cheeks.

Y/N shook her head, “It’s okay, I don’t care about that anymore. I could have lost you. I-if I had lost you, I would have lost myself Spencer. I love you so much. I love you so much.” She repeated as she kissed the palm of his hand. 

“I love you so much, Y/N.”

How could he have ever wished to live without this? Without her?

The universe had taught him his lesson and boy was he glad he had learned it.

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #Spencer Reid fic #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid masterlist #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #mgg #CM

[everythingthemoontouches]

💙Hi there! , First of all i want to tell you that i love your blog! And i love how your posts are so accurate!💙 If its okay with you could you please do me a favor by describing how others see me,my appearance or more specifically the vibe I radiate to others! It would mean alot to me if you you do that💙I'm a cancer sun,leo rising,Lilith sextile asc, Pluto trine asc, Uranus opposition asc, Moon opposition asc, mars sextile venus, mars opposition neptune, asteroid lilith conjunct mc and jupiter in the 1st house!💙

Hola!

Thank you that's really kind of you 💛💕

You know that quote that says Cinderella never asked for a prince. All she wanted was a night out and a dress. You kind of exude a similar vibe but with respect to leadership positions. 'I never asked to be Queen/King, but the people have spoken' kind of an energy. You would be equally happy to be by yourself, learning about the subconscious mind, higher realms and other esoteric science.

For more on Jupiter in LEO I'd recommend watching Astrofinesse.

For jupiter in the first there's KRS.

🌻As a Leo rising you come across as someone outgoing, with a playful energy but you're also somehow someone people would expect to see in a position of authority. You're drawn to people who stimulate you intellectually and love to exchange ideas.

😬If you have an Aquarius saturn you could be having some challenges in your relationships since December 2020 as saturn transits your 7th house. I'd suggest practicing discernment in this area as well as signing contracts with people until it passes( early 2023) ..

😇12th house sun could take on other people's energy. I feel like you need some time away, by yourself, preferably at the beach / pool/ shower to declutter, clear your head and replenish your sense of Self. You could be highly intuitive. If this resonates, I'd urge you to look up empath drain and how to protect yourself from energy vampires.

Ruler of the ascendant in the 12th :

spirituality could be a huge part of your life. For some people this could show a father (figure) who was convicted or worked in a prison / asylum. They could also have a really remote job. Since the sun is also your own personal identity, you could profit off these themes. Working in a mental health facility, overseas, in esoteric crafts.

🌛With your moon in the 7th house, you probably attract a lot of older women, (queen of swords) nurturing energies . Your mom could have a major influence on any business partnerships that you enter.

In relationships you could have a here today gone tomorrow kind of a presence. This is because as the moon waxes and wanes so does your attraction / attachment to specific people?

♒Aquarius moon : it could be really hard for you to express your feelings. So Instead of asking for a hug there could be a tendency to say something like ' ew imagine asking for one?' you leave a place better than you found it. If you watch hindi movies, 3 Idiots could be a movie you really resonate with. ( I pretty much spent the day looking up the lead actor, who has major aquarius placements and his films have always been disruptive with a really nice social message that left people talking for years after they were released. I tell you this because he shares 2 of your big 3 - aquarius and cancer.)

Going off on this tangent you could be a well respected teacher / writer / entertainer. Jupiter in LEO could help with this.

I do feel like you need a certain amount of inventiveness in your relationships. The people you're with are people who introduce you to new hobbies / ideas / technologies. You need to feel like you guys learn something new or create something that matters together. This is enhanced by uranus in the 7th house. You could come across really cold because you always give people the naked honest truth when asked. You do this from a place of love. I'm reminded of the Queen of Swords card in the rider Waite tarot. Not everyone has the maturity to take it. Or maybe they've just had a bad day. It is what it is. Perhaps try to not be so incisive if this is something you struggle with.

In the same vein, if I asked you to write down how you were feeling how long would it take for you to identify the right emotion. How honest are you with yourself?

Moon and Uranus being in the same house could show that stagnation could really hurt your mental health / happiness / satisfaction levels.

With a saturn ruled moon I feel like I need to remind you to not be so hard on yourself. Like. The world won't crumble to dust if you allow yourself to take care of you once in a while.there's only so much you can do.

All those coffee mugs will catch up. There's no such thing as extra hours in the day. A lack of sleep manifests as early signs of aging. No hate for the elderly but arthritis is not a fun ailment to have. Do you wanna be 60 with 80 year old nervous system problems? I rest my case.

Uranus and moon aspect your ascendant so you could have a slightly plump look?

Jupiter in the first house people usually have prominent thighs. I had a friend with this placement and when we were growing up she used to complain of chafed thighs a lot?

Mars sextile venus you could be your own type? The way you act and the way you want your future partners to express love could be quite similar which is good for healthy relationships.

There could be a tendency to spend impulsively.

With Mars sextiling venus you could be someone who earns more the more active their lifestyle is? Like, you may need to be an agile learner to keep money flowing in .

Jupiter in LEO in a woman's chart usually shows they'd have a financially well off spouse so money may not be a huge concern. He could be a sailor or earn via exports/ navy. It's hard to say without knowing where your Saturn is.

The image you project to the world could be a lot more outgoing than how you actually feel. You're more private than people think.

With a fire rising, water sun and air moon you could either be a really balanced person or just have a number of clashing ideas on who to be, what to do and achieve.

Descendant : The people that hate on you could attack your need to stand out /try to dim your time in the spotlight. Think aquarius themes of standing out to improve community clashing with Leo's need to stand out solely because it helps their ego. Like your confidence could trigger the part if them that felt judged negatively for expressing their individuality.

Do you feel like you thrive in chaos? I'm guessing you're atleast in your late 20s if not older, so you might have gotten better at dealing with people acting unexpectedly. Your mom could have been unpredictable. Really intelligent, but forgets to eat ..

🥤🦀As a cancer sun, you could be the friend your friends come to for advice. There could be a tendency to be a little too selfless. I think your aqua moon really serves as a shield to those who try to take advantage of your caring nature. Have you considered a career in psychic medium ship? Or any spiritual art/ past life regression / you get the drift..

Is there a family craft or hobby that you could monetize? Jupiter in LEO could signify ancestral gains.

Lilith and Pluto aspects to ascendant can make you come across really sexy / a bit unapproachable because people feel like you have some kind of power that places you above them?

Due to this, people with Pluto / Lilith aspects can feel some kind of hurt around people clearing up the path around them if that makes sense.

Jupiter opposite moon : there could be a clash between you want to do VS what you feel you should be doing.

Jupiter in the first house : you could have been born rich? Or people just perceive you that way. They also see you as someone wordly wise and lucky in general. You could know a lot about a wide variety of things. Specially on topics related to appearance, personal development, image consciousness etc. Since the ruler of the first is in the 12th I feel like some of your wisdom comes from a divine source. Like you're tapping into some kind of a collective reservoir of knowledge. In starseed terminology we would refer to this as downloads.

Jupiter rules the 8th house and 5th house.

So love, romance, games, early education may have been a bit of a breeze for you.

Jupiter is usually a bit of a celibate spiritual person. So, while it may make you really wise with respect to things like the occult / tarot / other 8th house themes, I'm not sure how it would impact your sex life with a spouse. Sex could be either a deeply spiritual experience for you or take on more neptunian traits. Addiction / alcoholism / drug use the works. Jupiter expands the themes of the house it rules so a word of caution there.

Travelling could bring you luck. Or even love.

Did I hear Mars opposite Neptune?

This could be a literal battlefield. You could feel like you need to work for love.if Neptune is unconditional love and Mars is your drive, then you could literally match to get to taht elusive unconditional sense of belonging /love / acceptance. But what are you marching towards really? A mirage? With this aspect I'd really be on the guard against addiction of any kind. Neptune is enticing, alluring, mocking Mars for its need to conquer. It could lend a really nice swagger to your walk. A runway model could benefit from thus placement. At uts best this aspect imbues you with creativity, inspiration, otherworldly imagination and the energy required to turn your abstract ideas of art into something tangible.

Here's a source for more on this placement. Sometimes I find that the comments really help me make sense of my own placements

Toodles

Before I sign off, I just have to say this :please try to restrict asks to 2-3 placements. You can send in multiple asks if you'd like, but answering them all in one ask can get a bit cluttered and I'd hate to miss out on something 😊

Hope this helped 💕as always, I'd really appreciate your feedback on this take on how these placements affect you.

#Cancer sun #12th house sun #3 idiots #Aquarius moon #Air moon #Astro asks #Jahnspeaks #Astrology #Moon in 7th house #Uranus 7th house #Jupiter in first house #Jupiter in leo #Queen of swords #Aquarius tarot #Leo rising #Mars sextile venus #Future spouse #Mars opposite Neptune #Mars #Neptune #Illusions #Creativity in astrology #Entertainment astrology #Practical astrology

[my-unmanageable-mischief]

Love Story

For the anon who asked : i don’t know if you like ts but with her releasing a new version of “love story” it’d be so cute to see how you’d write a fic about the song 🥺 maybe malfoy reader x harry ?? i think that’d be a good fit

Harry Potter x Malfoy!Reader

We were both young when I first saw you

I close my eyes and the flashback starts

“The name is Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, and this is my sister, Y/N Malfoy,” The pale blonde boy extended his hand to Harry, and he neglected to take it, but he couldn’t help but to look at the pretty girl behind him, who seemed annoyed by her brother antics. “You must be a Weasley,” He sneered at Harry’s new friend, “Red hair, and hand-me-down robes.” The girl rolled her eyes, tugging her brother by the back of his cloak. 

“Knock it off, Draco,” She warned, and he glared at her before turning to Harry again. 

“You’ll soon find out that some wizarding families are better than others, Potter,” Harry glanced at the girl again, and she met his eye, smiling slightly from behind her brother. He lifted one corner of his lips in response, and Draco glanced from him to his sister over his shoulder before glaring at Harry again, “You don’t want to go making friends with the wrong sort.” 

“I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks,” Harry responded, ignoring the outstretched hand again. He glanced at the girl again who was smirking, eyes twinkling in the candlelight. 

“That went well,” She laughed as her brother turned back to her and the other kids they were standing with. 

“Shut up, Y/N,” When you laughed, Harry couldn’t help but to smile slightly himself, you had a nice laugh, how you were related to that goon he would never know. And it was a question he would continue to ask himself time after time as the years passed and Draco became even more of a git and you became.. Well.. even more wonderful in Harry’s eyes. 

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns

See you make your way through the crowd

And say, "Hello"

Harry sat dejectedly alone on the outskirts of the Yule Ball, playing with the hem of his dressing gown. He wouldn’t have come if he didn’t have to, and now his date had ditched him. In her defense, he was a lousy date. He didn’t want to dance, and he wasn’t in a very fun mood. Then he saw you, and his heart nearly fell out of his chest. You looked beautiful, and the crowd seemed to part for you as you walked. Not walked, glided. Your dress was stunning, all sparkles and flowy, you looked angelic. And you were coming towards him. 

“Hello, Harry,” You greeted him, you cheeks were flushed from dancing and laughing, and he found himself wishing he was the one to make you laugh. 

“H-Hello, Y/N.” 

“Alright?” You asked, sitting in the empty chair beside him. You had spoken over the years at Hogwarts, you had too, it was a small school and you had plenty of classes together. But you had never sought him out for a conversation before. He opened his mouth a few times before shrugging his shoulders, looking down at his feet. 

“Alright,” He assured, “Balls aren’t really my thing, I suppose.” You nodded understandingly, smiling at him and he felt his cheeks heat up and his hands went clammy. 

“I understand, they’re usually rotten. My mother throws a lot of them, but this is actually fun.” You assured, “You should dance,” Harry blushed deeper and shook his head, pushing his glasses up on his nose when they slid down. 

“I’m not a dancer,” You laughed and he smiled softly. You were so beautiful when you laughed. How you and Malfoy were related was beyond him. 

“Suit yourself,” You grinned, getting up from the seat beside him. He wanted to say something witty, something that would make you want to stay and talk to him, but nothing came out. “See you around, Harry,” And like that you were gone, walking on clouds back towards the dancefloor, and Harry was alone again with his thoughts. 

After that night though, things were slightly different. When you saw him you would smile, and say hello to him, even sometimes in front of your brother, and Harry would say hello back. You talked more, even if it was just small talk during classes or when you passed each other in the corridor. But Harry treasured those moments more than he cared to admit. 

That you were Romeo, you were throwin' pebbles

And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"

“I heard you’ve made a friend,” Your father sneered, eyes not lifting from the Daily Prophet. You glanced at your brother who had the decency to look down at his lap. 

“Who?” You asked, playing dumb, but you knew who he was talking about. 

“Potter,” You father spat out, glancing at you from above the paper, “I don’t want you anywhere near that boy,” 

“We’re hardly friends, father,” You rolled your eyes when he went back to reading and shot a dirty look Draco’s way. 

“I don’t care what you call it. I don’t want you having anything to do with Harry Potter, that is an order.” You got up from the table, leaving your dinner untouched as you marched past your family towards the stairs, mumbling under your breath. “What was that?” Your father called after you but you kept walking. He couldn’t tell you what to do. 

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"

You cornered Harry in the corridor one day after class, hands on your hips. He looked at you worriedly. 

“Yes?” 

“I want to join Dumbledore’s Army.” You stated, hands still firmly on your hips. His eyes widened. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“Cut the crap,” You rolled your eyes, “Everyone has heard the rumors. I want to join.” He looked at you sketically. 

“Why?” You blinked a few times and your hands dropped from your hips, but you maintained eye contact with the boy. 

“Same reason you started it, I want to be prepared. I know.. I know he’s back.” Harry looked at you nervously, “And I need to do my part.” He considered your words for a moment. He could tell you were genuine, he just knew.

“Can I show you something?” You nodded your head and Harry turned, walking down the corridor, and you followed him. He led you to the 5th floor and to an empty expanse of stone wall. You both stopped walking and you looked up at Harry raising an eyebrow at him. 

“You wanted to show me, a wall?” You asked and the boy chuckled. 

“No, well, yes, but watch.” So you watched, and suddenly a door materialized in front of you. You let out a gasp, stepping back in surprise, Harry smiled at you before stepping forward and opening the door, gesturing for you to go inside. Once you did you were met with a grand room, there was an area for practicing spells and a giant fireplace on the far wall, closer to you was a board with spells and tactics written out, along with a picture. You stepped up to the board and looked it over, they were learning some advanced magic. Harry stepped up beside you as you kept looking it over. You got to the picture and glanced at him. 

“Who are they?” You asked quietly.

“They called themselves the Order of the Phoenix.” He explained, pointing to two people in the picture, “My parents, and a bunch of other wizards banded together in order to fight Voldemort in the first war.” You winced at the name but nodded, taking a closer look at the picture. 

“And now you’re following in their footsteps.” He shrugged slightly and you smiled up at the boy, “They would be proud Harry.” 

So I sneak out to the garden to see you

We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew

So close your eyes

Escape this town for a little while, oh oh

Hiding the DA meetings from Draco was easier than you thought it would be, mostly because he was so caught up in his own troubles. Namely, finding the DA for Umbridge. He didn’t even notice you were barely around anymore. 

You received an owl one evening while you were reading in your dormroom, and you let the bird in, taking the rolled up parchment from it’s foot before letting it out again. 

Meet me at the Quidditch Pitch, 12am. 

Harry

You smiled at the note, tucking it into the book and checking the time. Only ten. You and Harry had been spending a lot of time together in secret, away from your brother’s prying eyes. You were becoming close, and when you were around him you felt safe and seen for the first time in your life. 

Once all your dormmates were asleep, you got dressed in silence and snuck out of the room, down through the common room, and through the castle. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you walked through the dark grounds in the direction of the pitch. You finally got there and looked around for the boy in question. 

“Y/N, over here!” He called in a loud whisper and you turned your head, seeing him sitting under the seats of the pitch. You smiled and went to him, plopping down beside him. 

“Hiya, Harry,” You greeted him, shivering slightly, he looked you over before shrugging his cloak off, handing it over to you, “Oh, you don’t have to do that, you’ll get cold.” You argued, but he insisted so you took it, wrapping it around yourself. “What’s up?” 

“I just missed you, I wanted to see you,” He admitted and you felt your cheeks go rosy, you hoped he wouldn’t notice with the cold. 

“I’ve missed you too,” You admitted, smiling softly. Harry fidgeted nervously before leaning over to brush a lock of hair behind your ear. You blushed deeper and looked down at your lap. 

“I wanted to tell you something,” He spoke gently and you glanced up again. 

“Yes?” 

“Y/N,” He started, messing up his own locks, “I just.. I really like you, is all.” He looked down again, “Sorry if that makes things weird.” You sat for a moment and let his words sink in before you leaned over, placing a small kiss on Harry’s cheek. You watched him go beet red and you chuckled. 

“I like you too, Harry.” You admitted, and he grinned at you, you grinned back. 

“Brilliant.. That’s brilliant.” 

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter

And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"

But you were everything to me

I was beggin' you, "Please don't go,"

It all happened so fast. They found the Room of Requirements, and you were all to be punished. Your brother wasn’t speaking to you, your father would know soon enough. You feared having to go home to him, to his punishments. Then Harry saw Sirius, trapped inside the ministry- he needed help. 

“You’re not going alone,” You argued, following him as the boy stormed off, “Harry, you’re not going alone!” 

“I can’t believe I am saying this, but Malfoy is right, mate, you aren’t going there alone.” Ron chimed in, half a step behind you. Harry stopped, turning to look at your motley crew. You, Hermione, Ron, Nevile, Ginny, and Luna stood there, looking determined. 

“And you aren’t coming with me!” 

“Harry,” Hermione reasoned, “This is why we’ve been training, we are your friends, we’re coming to help you.” Harry gave a small nod and your future was set in stone. Hours later you found yourself deep in the ministry of magic, surrounded by crystal balls full of prophecies. Suddenly you were surrounded by death eaters, it was a trap. 

“Y/N?” A familiar voice asked from behind a mask and you flinched, stepping back.

“Father?” 

“Malfoy?” Harry asked, glancing worriedly at you then to the man in the mask, his wand raised. 

“Child, come here. Now.” He ordered. 

“No,” You stepped back further, heart thudding out of your chest.

“I said, come here, you insolent little girl.” He reached a hand towards you and you twisted away from him. 

“I said no!” You threw a curse in his general direction and the mask was knocked from his face, and you were forced to stare into the eyes of your father. 

“If you do not come here right now you are never welcome back into my house again, do you understand me?” There was no warmth behind those cold eyes, there was nothing. 

“Go to hell,” 

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"

Romeo, save me, they're tryna tell me how to feel

This love is difficult, but it's real

Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess

It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"

You didn’t go home that summer, true to your word. Your brother didn’t even look at you when you returned for school the next year. You had spent the summer with the Weasleys, something you never imagined you would do. But they were good to you, much better than your own family had ever been. But Harry was distant, and you tried to be understanding, you knew he was going through a lot with the loss of his godfather. 

You talked to Hermione a lot that year, ostracised by your own house. And you found some solace in the fact that he was being distant with them as well, it wasn’t just you. Slowly he came around. You did your best to be there for him, to be whatever he needed. A shoulder to cry on, someone to make him laugh, whatever he needed. You spent more and more time in their common room, and less and less time plagued by dirty looks in your own. 

You worried about your brother, you could see he was struggling, but everytime you even attempted to reach out to him you were brushed off. A war was looming over each and every one of your heads and it came closer everyday. It all came to a crashing catalyst at the end of the year, when Dumbledore was murdered and rumors flew that your brother had a hand in it. 

You went home with Harry and the Weasleys again that summer, trying to leave some of the worry behind, but you couldn’t. One night you sat outside, late, by yourself, trying to collect your thoughts when the backdoor opened and Harry stepped outside. 

“Hey,”

“Hey,” You whispered, scooting over on the bench to give him some room to sit. 

“Alright?” You shrugged, looking ahead into the darkness. 

“I don’t know,” You admitted, wrapping your arms around yourself. Harry watched you for a moment before sighing and adjusting his glasses. 

“I’m sorry,” You looked over at him confused. 

“For what?”

“For everything. I got you into this,” You shook your head smiling softly. 

“I got myself into this.” You corrected, “And I wouldn’t change it for anything. I know I am doing the right thing.” Harry nodded and reached over, taking your hand in his. 

“Even if it cost you your family?” 

“Yes.” You nodded, squeezing his hand in yours, “I’m not like them Harry, I never could be. I... I miss Draco. Little Draco. The young boy who was full of life. That boy... the boy he is now isn’t my brother. My father has brainwashed him beyond repair. And I mourn for him, but there is nothing I can do besides keep fighting.” Harry leaned over and kissed your temple. 

“I love you,” He breathed, “You’re the bravest woman I know.” 

“I love you too, Harry.” 

I got tired of waiting

Wonderin' if you were ever comin' around

My faith in you was fading

When I met you on the outskirts of town

Months passed, and you felt like you were no closer to your goal. Ron was gone, Hermione wouldn’t admit it but she was falling to pieces, and Harry barely spoke anymore. You felt like you were failing him, failing everyone. He barely looked at you anymore and that was hard considering you were trapped together in a tiny tent, traveling from hiding spot to hiding spot. 

One night you approached him, with your concerns and he exploded. 

“Then leave!” He cried out and you flinched. 

“I didn’t say I wanted to leave!” You argued back. 

“I don’t want to do this with you, Y/N, if you can’t handle it, then go.” 

“I am not leaving you, Harry!” 

“Go back home to your death eater family!” 

“You’re a twat!” 

“I should have never let you join Dumbledore’s Army!” You knew he was lashing out because he was hurt, but it didn’t make you hurt any less. You felt tears in your eyes. 

“I am not leaving you.” You spat at him, “I don’t care what hurtful things you say to me, I love you, you don’t leave the people you love.” His face softened slightly but he turned from you. 

“I need some air.” He left the tent and you glanced over to Hermione who shrugged helplessly. Helpless. That about summed it all up. 

Is this in my head? I don't know what to think

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, "Marry me, Juliet

You'll never have to be alone

I love you and that's all I really know

Just like that the war was over. You stood and counted your dead. You had to watch as your brother walked away from you once again, into your parents arms. There was no hug or glance for you. You stood in the Great Hall, arms wrapped around yourself as the tears flowed freely. It was over, but at what cost? 

“Y/N?” You turned and looked at Harry, seeing his own eyes red and puffy. 

“Harry.” You greeted him, offering him a hand which he took, coming to stand beside you. You stood in silence for a while, looking around at all you had lost. 

“Y/N?” He repeated your name, and you turned to look up at him, he looked down at you, eyes side, but his lips tugged slightly at a smile. “I didn’t really plan on doing this right now, I thought it would be much more... romantic.” 

“What?” You asked, furrowing your brow. Harry fished around in his pocket for a moment before producing something. It was a simple silver ring. 

“I’ll get you something nicer when we have the time,” 

“Oh..” You whispered, free hand going to your mouth. 

“I want to be yours. Forever.” He knelt down in front of you, and the hushed voices around you lapsed into silence. “I want you to marry me, we almost lost each other today, and I can’t wait another moment. I need good to come from today, and this is the best thing in the world to me. Will you marry me?” 

“Yes,” You whispered, nodding your head, “Harry yes, of course,” He stood up and pulled you into a tight hug, there was some clapping, more crying, more hugging from everyone. It might not have been the perfect love story, but it was yours. And that made it perfect to you.

#Harry Potter #harry potter x reader #harry potter x you #harry potter x y/n #harry potter x slytherin!reader #harry potter requests #harry potter request #harry potter x malfoy!reader